#my intp king lololol

[konoheya]

naruto men that would unironically call you pookie !

naruto, obito, kiba + honorable mentions for sai & gara !

naruto uzumaki: heard kiba use it when referring to his partner a few times and it was jokingly tossed around when they went out for drinks one friday night. filled with liquor courage and newfound knowledge, he slammed the door to your apartment open like he owned the place, before his squinted eyes focused on you. he announced his presence with a loud “HEY POOKIE!” and attacked you with a million kisses and curious fingers that quickly snuck under your pajama pants. you’re confused, but naruto is being so gentle yet firm as he kisses you that it’s easy to forget that he just came home hammered and with an awkward nickname for you that’s just so him. two minutes later he passed out face down on your bed, all sticky and warm from drinking.

wakes up the next day like nothing happened and greets you with a hungover “morning, pookie..”, before he tries to unsuccessfully manipulate you into cuddling for another hour. doesn’t let the nickname go even after 20 years of marriage and three kids.

obito uchiha: he suffers from stupid simp man disease and it’s terminal. when he was being cocky and bragging about how amazing and kind and brave you are to kakashi, it slipped. “my pookie-“ and he freezes up like a deer in headlights. obito has never called you pookie before, well- not in public at least! it sends him into a stuttering frenzy as he tries to explain himself to a rather confused kakashi (bless his heart, he thought pookie was exclusively used in icha-icha). when obito unsuccessfully explains himself, teasing ensues. the uchiha comes home all sullen with his shoulders slumped and wraps his arms around you from behind, hiding his face in your hair. you can tell how embarrassed he is based on how warm his cheeks are- he must be blushing. obito is the most irresistible when he’s so open with his emotions, courageously confessing that he adores you or shyly asking for a kiss, which is why it’s almost impossible to not tease him when he’s this vulnerable.

“everything okay? you seem down today, loverboy.”

he grumbles in response.

“obito? use some words please?”

“… it’s nothing.”

and when his brain adds the dreaded ‘pookie’ to the end of his sentence, obito knows he has to confess his sins to you before kakashi spills the beans and asks you what embarrassing nicknames (plural!) you use for him.

kiba inuzuka: yet another victim of the stupid simp man disease. of course he uses pookie on a daily basis. what’s for dinner, pookie? you ass looks great today, pookie. gimmie a kiss, pookie! kiba has no clue where he heard the pet name, but he looooves it, so much so that he overuses it. he sometimes goes for unbearable variations of it that he is certain will irritate you; kiba says them with the most annoyingly flirty smirk you’ve ever seen (pookums, pookie-bear, pookie-wookie if he wants you to groan and roll your eyes). overall, his main goal is to fluster you in any way he can. can you blame a man who desperately wants to see you red and bashful, clinging to him and asking him to stop because you’re in public and people are staring? god, you’re too cute when you whine about how mean he is being. but he can’t help it! people need to know you’re his and only his, pookie!

this is where his cuteness agression shows- he just wants to squeeze you in his beefy arms and never let go when you’re like this!

the only way to get him to stop is to return the favor- call him a nickname that’s equally as cheesy and stupid, if you can think of one that is. kiba can get very creative and isn’t afraid to humiliate himself a bit if that means that you’ll blush ten times harder than before.

sai and gaara would suffer the same fate- two socially awkward guys who read/heard somewhere that nicknames are a good way to make friends.

sai has liked you for a while and wanted to tell you, but the books he read all said the same thing- hinting at your crush is the way to go. why tell the person directly, when you can make it unnecessarily complicated? and so one day when sai was supposed to meet up with sakura and you, he decided to greet you with a wave, a confident “hello, pookie” and the most polite smile you’ve ever seen. sakura was giving sai an earful about how it’s inappropriate to use pet names he gave you in private in front of your friends, and you were on the verge of passing out from how genuine sai sounded. if you replayed the moment enough times in your head, you could catch the glimmer of pure affection in his voice that tugged at your heartstrings.

gaara had a similar situation, except it was kankuro who put the nail in the coffin and convinced him that calling you pookie was the way to your heart. poor man decided to test that theory when you came in with a report later that afternoon, bruised, dirty and disheveled from the mission you were sent on. as you handed him the papers, you could hear a gara mutter a small “thank you, um… pookie.”

you almost combusted when he tilted his head in confusion, looking extremely endearing as he observed your flustered reaction. was i successful?, he thought as he watched you stutter out questions regarding the nickname with warmed cheeks.