#my intersexness takes precedence over my transness any day so I always wanna help out my fellow intersex people

[halfd3af]

Dilation Experiences From a Trans Man with MRKH

content warning: anatomical terminology, non-sexually transmitted gynecological illnesses, self pleasure + sex

I’m going to get extremely honest with stuff in this post, so there’s your second warning.

In May 2022, I decided to try dilating. I didn’t have any assistance in setting this up because back in 2018, I had seen a specialist to learn how to dilate and remembered enough + googled tips on how to do it correctly.

Something that I did to make it more interesting was using a vibrator for clitoral stimulation while dilating. It vastly seems to ease the muscle tightness that you’re trying to improve with dilation in the first place, and I think it also made the process much quicker toward reaching a typical depth. I was able to dilate almost every day because of it.

But after two months, when I was starting to use sex toys instead of dilators because I didn’t feel like buying bigger ones, I had my first UTI.

Then I had my second, then my third, and when I finally went to Planned Parenthood last October for help with my fourth UTI in less than 3 months, as I had been seeing MinuteClinics or my PCP until that point, I apparently had a yeast infection and bacterial vaginosis too.

I remember before that appointment, worrying and worrying that I had messed up dilating, or that something else was horribly wrong, but when I met who would become My Favorite Medical Professional Ever, she assured me that I looked very average, despite the caveat of the trio of illnesses.

But after getting treatment, I still kept having those infections come back, especially when UTI antibiotics and BV pills can cause yeast infections and create a never ending circle, so we tried brainstorming different ideas with each visit.

Some trans men on testosterone use vaginal estrogen cream to maintain the necessary balances because HRT can disrupt it… but for someone with MRKH, who has a “schrodinger’s vagina” as I like to call it, the opening doesn’t stay open unless something is inside it, so any kind of topical medicine won’t stay in. It wouldn’t be effective as a preventative measure.

It wasn’t my underwear, it wasn’t my shower hygiene, I wasn’t having copious amounts of sex, my sex toys were being cleaned properly and the materials were safe, I wasn’t incorrectly wiping after I pee—we just couldn’t figure out what was wrong. The UTIs kept coming back and then the other two would usually follow after the antibiotics would wipe out the good bacteria. She only knew how to treat non-intersex trans men—she had never treated an intersex trans man before.

So, I finally went ahead and scheduled with the top MRKH specialist in the United States up in Boston, because I had seen this very same man back in 2018. He and his clinic are incredibly trans friendly, too, now and even back then.

When I got there, I got a very good grade in pussy, which is a very normal thing to want and achieve. I had indeed dilated correctly, but I finally figured out that my angle was slightly off and was causing friction against my urethra. That had been the mysterious cause of the UTIs.

I haven’t had a UTI since correcting for that, but since July 2022, I’ve had:

6 UTIs

7 yeast infections

4 instances of bacterial vaginosis

I was also told by this specialist that my vagina is trying to “create a biome” and that could explain the yeast infections being so recurrent. My vagina wasn’t even a year old, so it was trying to play catchup. With that in mind, I take a probiotic every day or at least every other day, and I haven’t had an infection in several months since starting that routine.

However, he never really told me any other good preventative measures beyond “kegels”, which would not solve the infection issues whatsoever. It was good to figure out the friction issue, and he suggested I see a urologist if the UTIs continued (they haven’t), but that was about it. I didn’t really get a confirmation if this hell would actually stop or not.

Maybe in time my vagina will become less sensitive to minute disruptions, and I think it already has since I first began dilating, but it still feels like I have to be hyper-vigilant of anything that would cause an infection again. BV pills are the nastiest, bitterest things I’ve ever taken, and they make me constantly nauseous during the length of the prescription, so I don’t exactly like getting sick all the time.

Regardless, I did all of this just so I can have vaginal sex. Despite the dozens of antibiotic and antifungal and antibacterial pills I’ve had to take, it’s worth it in my opinion. This is where I’ll definitely get more honest, so third warning.

Even though a sexual partner wouldn’t be able to feel a difference, I’ve noticed that something might be different with the vaginas of people who have MRKH because, well, we (generally) don’t have cervixes or uteruses. The tissue feels a ton more malleable, in my experience (I’ve had larger partners with no pain issues beyond initial insertion), but it could also be that my muscles are incredibly relaxed. I could continue with further thoughts on the topic, but I’m unsure if those are unique experiences to me or if they’re actually common, so I might just save them for another post if I’m feeling up for it.

In conclusion, I hope that talking about my experiences helps anyone, and I’m also willing to discuss anything further in depth if needed! I don’t want anyone to feel as alone and nervous as I did for so many months because of how little information there is for dilating/gynecological health when you’re intersex.