#my internet went out when i posted this last night :') Got rid of the whole post :')

[ej-artyarts]

Day 13 - VIDEO GAME PT 2

“So come with me, let’s die anywhere else! Anywhere, just not here.” — DIE ANYWHERE ELSE - Alec Holowka (Night in the Woods)

[smollobsession]

Posted 27.5.

Start of the month:

Met with P in Telč. The weather was terrible :D but I had good svičkova and a good talk with my friend! I also picked up some albums she's been wanting to get rid of, and I'll pass them on to my kids who want them! woo!

As I was on the bus to get there, I passed the "pretty bridge" again and I decided to finally find it and check out the view. I was right, it's amazing! I then went on to Chodov for some more cinnabuns :D

On Sunday I went to Hlavni, thought I'd play some pogo. Honestly not many good raids but I did one and I finished a few researches so ok. I had a YUMMY pancake with ice cream.

6.5. Considering doing this

7.5. I had the most productive morning wow. first of all, i slept i think 9h so wow to that! Made and filled pancakes for C's bday, packed them up nice with skz stickers :D caught up on met gala skz gossip :D made lunch (sandwich and smoothie) bought rice and made breakfast (i researched this morning and apparently potatoes are also bad for ibs. all starches except bland ass white rice are, so, white rice it is) did most of the dishes so it's not a whole mess.

i still have pancakes left over so that's tomorrow sorted :D

i'm following what's happening in Palestine and getting ready for this week's protest. :/

but in the process i was on fb again and found this bit of typical internet discourse

8.5.

:( onigiri class for adults is full. the lady hasn't contacted me about meeting. and yesterday i made pancakes for a new friend but it turned out we weren't able to meet and my class pissed me off so i just ate the pancakes.

i'll give it till the end of this week and then i'll contact the lady asking to maybe only speak online, if meeting is too hard.

talked to my dad about this new job idea and he's enthusiasic. his idea is that if i'm looking for a bridge job, i might as well look for one in the general area (family) of they company i'd like to work for. he said oil rigs have a similar system. they are called differently tho which makes my search even more complicated.

idk why, when i talk to others about this, it seems so possible, but when i'm in my own head, it seems like a silly dream.

meanwhile, pogo gave me 2 more useless 4 stars :D i mean yay i'm happy with my collection but truly every pokemon i use and want to be good is meh :D

the animation before i could catch the diancie was fun :) but the diancie also has trash stats lol.

hello sir mr vegas sir... afterglow you say? O.O

in completely opposite news, i guess i'm happy someone put this up, even if clearly someone was Very Upset it was up.

it's nice to know that despite it all, there are SOME czech people who care.

OMG SOMEONE IS USING THE ESIM I BOUGHT!

12.5. They used a bit more!

The lady I wanted to talk to about work has rejected me. I guess my next stop is reddit :D

I had Korean on Friday and it was excellent! I then went to the agency that someone recommended to talk about potential job offers in my city and they were like "uh you should send us an email" which YEP i knew it (i tried but it got spammed).

Yesterday sure was a day. It was my mom's 11 years dethiversary. I had a weird ass dream about her of course.

I made a very hopeful meal plan for the rest of the month... fingers crossed. then went shopping for it. I also went to balkan store to get sweets for my kids, but I'll have to do more today bcs they didn't have my faves. Went to Flora to do some of my Korean HW - I have too much lol - and had a cake for breakfast... not the healthiest of choices but I was starving by that point because I didn't have breakfast at home. Saw C and said hi :D Then had a phonecall with D.

I hoped to see Aurora Borealis last night so I went to sleep early. I just slept until midnight, went out to see if anything was there - saw the city was oddly lively at midnight - didn't see AB, went back to sleep. Got a solid 9-10h last night thanks to this :D

There's a protest today, I'm getting ready and I shaved my legs :D priorities! :D

wore a dress and open sandals, no regrets, it was perfect for the weather, especially with the hat and the mask.

on my way to the protest i was on a bus and a man reached over and gave me a flower. i was confused but my kids reminded me it's mother's day!

some of them are going to the rammstein concert so the chat is buzzing :D (in the city i also saw hockey fans so wow so much stuff happening here now)

it was a good protest overall, though i felt like there were maybe fewer people than last time. sadly when we arrived there was a small group of pro isr protesters waiting for us (with cops between us, no issue) and a lady had a massive panic attack, it was kinda scary. ambulance came and helped her and i think it all ended up ok.

I went to the other balkan market later and got a burek and the rest of the sweets i want to share.

then i went to flora again to finish my homework. and have one more cake hehe

rip my feetsies :D

meanwhile... two things i'm considering. a) swimming in the local pool once a week. idk yet i'm so scared to try but :/ i want to? b) tmi but there's a big sxtoy store near the balkan market and i'm considering a toy. we'll see. honestly i'm far more concerned about the swimming... being perceived half naked is uh :(

and on a totally different note, i asked on reddit about the job and yeah... i think it's not for me. sadly. ah well.

18.5. hm so far all my attempts to socialize have been destroyed, i wonder why :D telc was good but rainy and i ended up being 1h late. my local friend wasn't in for pancakes. last week i made plans for pub quiz and then i locked my card by typing in the wrong number 3 times as i was trying to withdraw ca$h for the quiz master. Sigh. Even the fun lesson i planned with that one class ended up being with only half of us!

Now I joned a pogo group for bounsweet community day... let's see if i manage ><

some other adventures have been happening tho! I managed to try corncob - why sweet? and i found a taiyaki place that i really like!

yesterday before korean (since i had to leave early to unblock my card......) i was bored and it was raining so i found myself in the small botanical garden which currently has a succulents exhibit.

I did buy a smol one :) and it inspired me to clean my plants too so i did some of that yesterday and today.

After Korean I ended up at the Nepalese Indian place and had a great lunch. Omg their food is so good sob.

In fandom news, Jeff is in Sweden. I'm fine.

And this vid of Khao by First just melted me. Sometimes when people take pictures or even draw people they love you can just see how they see them and it's wonderful.

And I made plans with P for next weekend! I'm exciteeed!

It's spring here and plants are pretty <3

21.5. I've exercised 3 days in a row so that's nice.

On Sunday i did go to the center to meet up with the pogo group i follow on discord. i managed to speak to absolutely no one and even the pic we took hasn't been posted so there's like 0 evidence i was there. well, i got some codes from the leader so that. sigh, i'm so bad at this.

i got my period and bled all over everything again, despite a tampon and a pad. so now i'm washing all my sheets and protectors. happy tuesday to me.

27.5. last Thursday I joined the Pub Quiz group and had a good time and wasn't totally useless. Just got another confirmation I should have more faith in myself.

Evaluations sent and I'm slowly wrapping up the school year. (Omg today I talked to S*'s mom and I was so awkward lorde why am I like thissss aaaa)

Ugh ANYWAY. This weekend P visited! We did some good (and some mid :D ) food tasting, went to a medieval fair and visited the castle!

When she left, I got on a tram and spent an hour just traveling and reading. I'm reading Natsume's book of friend's finally and I still love it as much as I did originally. Such an underrated manga.

Did my homework in a cafe and had some cake :) and then did my shopping for the week.

Wednesday will be my last Full Day at work. It's really hard saying bye to some of the kids. sG said today that he'll continue if I'm not the teacher. He will be really busy and he would have made time for me but now he's not sure. I almost wept yo. Teens.

PS. I tried a new form where I write more often and keep it in a draft. I like it... but I wonder if it'll post without errors hahaha

[cherrykindness]

let's make babies |

pairing: Harry Styles x Actress!Reader

summary: you and harry are doing a live on instagram, you've drunk a lot of wine and now the world knows that the future Mrs. Styles is ready to make babies.

warnings: mostly cute, but the title tells you what you need to know 🤪

"What is your favorite song from the Fine Line album?" Y/N read aloud, twirling in her right hand the second glass of wine of the evening, the one already halfway through. "Adore You and Watermelon Sugar, of course."

Harry giggled, rolling his eyes upon hearing his fiancée's statement.

"Y/N will always choose Adore You because it was obviously written for her." He accused. "She wouldn't give that answer under different circumstances."

The comments climbed up the screen continuously, most fans gushing about how cute Harry Styles and YN/LN could be while the other part was concerned with wringing even more information out of the slightly inebriated couple who had decided to do a surprise live one early Sunday morning.

As expected after being away for some time to begin filming Don't Worry, Darling in Southern California, Harry enjoyed a lazy weekend in the house he shared with his fiancée and her pets. The days were filled with late naps and relentless Netflix marathons, sublime and ethereal evenings, marked mostly by unexpected declarations and rounds of sex that used to last until the beams of light were shyly coming through the linen curtains. They were not a monotonous couple, so this order could easily be changed.

"Watermelon Sugar is nothing more than about my love for watermelons, don't get too creative." Harry replied to a fan while sporting a corner smile, the message standing out among the rest for its dozens of emojis and large print, questioning the singer about erotic content behind the lyrics of his latest hit. "I really don't know what you guys are talking about."

Y/N laughed, shaking her head before leaning it against her fiancé's chest, propped up on the soft white pillows that were spread practically all over the bed. The air conditioner was on at a minimal temperature and a light rain whipped on the panes of glass camouflaged by the cream-colored curtain, that being the projection of Y/N's favorite nights.

"You can tell them, I'm not shy." She joked, nudging her fiancé's waist.

"You know what it was written about and who it was written for." Harry replied, raising one of his eyebrows. "That's what matters."

It went without saying that much of Harry's newest album, as well as some of his earlier work, had been done in exclusive dedication to his future wife. Y/N had been the muse for a vast repertoire of romantic songs, and even though the singer preferred to keep the story behind his more explicit compositions a "secret", the relationship the two had shared for more than three years was already solid and known enough for the media and fans to distinguish hidden messages in small details.

"It's a song about what usually comes before the act of making babies." Y/N laughed as he pointed at the display. "Honestly, you guys are impossible."

"No, we make babies every day." Harry joked, making a funny motion with his eyebrows. "I would spend my entire career writing just about that."

"Harry!" The actress exclaimed incredulously, slapping her fiancé weakly on the chest. "Children might be watching this."

"You don't want to have babies with me?" He asked falsely offended, accepting the cup that Y/N offered him. "Because I want some babies with you."

Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes as she watched the internet freak out at the dialogue that had suddenly emerged. Since the beginning of the quarantine, it was kind of inevitable that the couple of artists would not become the darlings of all social media; they were fervently active with photos, videos, and lives that depicted step by step daily life in isolation, gaining more and more followers and making the media more and more fascinated by the relationship they both shared.

The wedding was scheduled for the summer of next year and it was perhaps the most anticipated event in the tabloids. Bets about what the model of Y/N's dress would be and lists presuming who would be selected for the short list of guests stood out among countless news stories about the famous people influencing pop culture today.

The possible arrival of a Styles baby was an inevitable topic in interviews. Harry and Niall were the only members of the ex-boyband that had not become fathers yet, and because they had maintained a solid relationship and were seen as one of the most enviable couples during the last four years, Y/N and Harry had gotten used to all this openly asked questions. They didn't mind, they even had fun with the montages and all the anxiety that dominated the whole internet, often mentioning the fandoms' efforts to represent them as such "cool" parents in perfectly edited pictures.

"No, guys, I'm not pregnant." Y/N amusingly clarified the doubt of dozens of new comments. "Please don't believe so many controversial news stories that appear out there. I was on twitter last week and saw several people theorizing about a possible pregnancy, most of the arguments based on a website that used photos from the set of How to Get Away with Murder in the season where I was actually playing a pregnant woman as Laurel." She laughed. "It's so funny! I know you guys love to guess these things, but we won't hide something so special when it actually happen, I promise."

"Especially because Y/N can hide absolutely nothing from anyone." Harry accused, leaving his drink on the corner table before settling into a comfortable position for the two of them. "Anyone who's a Marvel fan knows that. That's one of her most characteristic quirks."

"They gave me a fake script for the last two movies." Y/N agreed, shaking his head. "For me and Tom."

"We agreed to keep the engagement a secret for a while. The plan was to travel to Holmes Chapel to break the news to my family in person, but guess who got a call at ten o'clock at night from an angry Anne because she learned of her son's engagement from an interview Y/N gave the next day?"

Y/N gave a guilty smile, winking gracefully at the camera. "It was all James' fault! I'm sure he already suspected something, those questions were very suspicious."

"Of course the questions were suspicious, babe. You literally said you had a secret that involved both of us but that you couldn't tell because it was important that our families knew first."

"I thought he would think about a pregnancy or something!" The actress defended herself, feeling very convincing in her intonation bordering on obviousness. "That's a mania I can't get rid of, it's in my genes."

"Did you all hear that? Further proof that you guys don't have to worry about guessing when Y/N's pregnancy will be, I'm sure our baby will make sure to tell you everything while still in the womb, mom's genes will make sure of that."

"You are so funny, Harry Styles." Y/N sarcastically stated, holding back a giggle as countless messages with laughing emojis were frantically up. "Yeah, I know I talk a lot and all, but you have annoying quirks too."

It was obvious that live would be news the next day. Although they were completely open about matters concerning their relationship, nothing seemed better than receiving so much exclusive information from a Harry and S/N drunk on expensive wine.

"You wake up in a bad mood and you're dangerously sexy, that should be illegal."

Harry laughed, holding his fiancée's waist a little tighter as he felt her tumble a little further to the side, getting closer and closer to the edge of the bed. Y/N was dangerously weak for drinks, and the singer knew that the actress' body was already near its limit.

"You're the only sexy person here, love." He declared with a corner smile, evidently finding the whole situation funny. "Do you want to go to sleep now?"

"No." Y/N shook her head. "Can we watch some movie? Can we watch Sweet Home?"

"Of course, love." He murmured, giving the woman a quick kiss on the forehead.

Even though Harry knew that his fiancée was unlikely to make it past the five-minute mark of the episode, he made sure to restart the korean series at exactly the scene where she had stopped, the first chapter still halfway through after Y/N realized that it would be impossible to watch such a macabre work without a drop of alcohol in her blood.

She had been so excited by the taste of Argentinian wine and the idea of updating her fans after a few weeks away, that she had forgotten the main purpose of the live. Harry and Y/N had been apart for a few days due to the new movie the Brit was shooting in North America, all happening in an unrestrictedly careful manner due to the restrictions caused by the pandemic.

He was slowly migrating towards acting and the future Mrs. Styles couldn't be prouder. Y/N had felt on cloud nine when Harry had given her the news of his upcoming job, but her only pronouncement on the subject had been a succinct post on instagram. Just a photo of the couple on a trip to Germany with a simple heart emoji didn't seem enough for the actress' exhibitionist soul, and coming to that conclusion was the main reason she decided to invite him, already relatively changed, for a live appearance. Y/N wanted to go on and on about how much she loved that man and work on that whole honeyed speech that would bring her (once again) the title of "cutest bride of all time," but of course Harry had to come home from his trip with his favorite red wine and poison her with those sweet caresses that took her out of orbit, turning the degree of alcohol content into the least of her problems.

"You're going to kiss Florence." Y/N exclaimed suddenly, as if only now realizing that her fiancé would share the screen with Florence Pugh, one of her closest friends in that industry. "Kiss on the mouth."

The MacBook was still open and hundreds of new comments were going up every second, but Harry didn't bother one bit to warn her about the possibility of her becoming a meme the next day. He was having too much fun with the situation to worry.

"Are you jealous?"

"Yes." She stated with a pout. "I am jealous, I just don't know if I'm more jealous of her or of you."

"But you kiss me every day, babe." Harry laughed. "And you've been kissing other people's men for almost ten years." He joked.

"But I only think about you, I already told you that."

Harry shook his head negatively at the camera, knowing he was sharing with the fans the funniest side of his fiancée.

"I know that, honey." He assured, lightly stroking the actress' back. "I think we'd better turn off the TV and go to sleep now, I'm sure you'll have a terrible headache tomorrow."

The brit planned to bid his audience goodbye and put an end to that recording, but Y/N was drunk and her sense of right and wrong had already gone to space. Harry should have been quicker, however, because his fiancée's speech would be cause for new tags and the only subject for the interviewers for at least the next few months.

"I don't want to sleep, how about we make babies?"

That's what Watermelon Sugar was all about, after all.

[amive2567]

Characters: Tamaki Amjiki x GNReader; Izuku Midoryia x FemReader; Shouto Todoroki x GNReader; Hitoshi Shinsou x GNReader; Katsuki Bakugou x GNReader

Warnings: mention of period, pranks, fluff, swearing, OOC characters (maybe?), suggestive themes in Bakugous part,

Summary: As a famous Herowatcher(Youtuber), you wanted to film a video about how your boyfriend's reaction to your prank.

Words: Tamaki:366 Izuku:532 Shouto:590 Hitoshi:416 Katsuki:528

In the last few weeks, you saw a lot of videos about partners pranking each other. There were different pranks they did, and you decided to pull the fainting prank on your boyfriend.

You both planned to train outside today. To record your prank, you set up a camera in a bush so that Tamaki wouldn't notice it. You felt a bit guilty about that what you were going to do. But still, you wanted to execute your plan. The sun was pretty warm, which gave you the perfect conditions to do this. You were doing jumping jacks but suddenly stopped.

Your prank is starting now. "Are you ok?" asked Tamaki, who noticed your behavior change. You nodded but stumbled to your water bottle. Before you could reach it, you "passed out". "Sunshine?" he froze in his tracks and was paralyzed as you tried not to react to his anxious cry for you. He kneeled beside you. His thumb caressed your cheek, and you felt that his hand was shaking. "Are you ok? Oh, I had to watch out better. If I only had reacted immediately, I am so sorry." his voice was breaking. He took your legs and held them high. He tried to stabilize your circulation. "Please wake up," mumbled Tamaki anxiously.

Now you decided to clear things off. "Darling, it's a prank," you said. "What? Why would you do that?" he asked, confused. "I saw it on the internet and wanted to try it, but I didn't want to scare you." You sat up and hugged him tightly.

After a couple of minutes, you broke away from him. "See, there is the camera." You pointed to the bush. Embarrassed, he hid his face in the crook of your neck.

After the two of you finished the actual training, you edited the video and posted it on Herowatch. In the next few days, the video had a couple of thousands of likes, views, and comments:

SuneaterfanNo.1: God, he was so worried about them. I wish I had such a boyfriend.

User219: I am feeling like a single pringle right now. :(

FanfictionAdict: Because of your videos, my expectations of getting a partner are way too high.

Precisely you tried to adjust the camera on a shelf between a bunch of All Might figures. You hoped he wouldn't notice the camera you put there. Izuku was still working, but he had to be home soon. That was the perfect moment to prepare your prank. You switched patiently between the different apps on your phone until a message popped up.

I am only changing and showering at the agency. After that, I will come home.

Alright, see you soon, love. Oh, could you please bring some chocolate on your way home?

Sure, see you, honey.

See you too.

You laid your phone on the nightstand, patiently waiting for your husband to come home. You feel bad pranking Izuku after his stressful day, saving the lives of probably many children and adults, but special situations needed special measures. It was probably totally worth it to see his reaction to your "horrible cramps". He was such a sweetheart. It would probably give him a heart attack. Well, now, with this thought, you felt a bit worse.

After some time passed, the door opened, and your boyfriend entered your decent flat. Now was your time to show the world that you didn't suck at acting. "I am home." shouted the green-haired pro hero through your flat. "In the living room." You tried to sound like you would be in pain.

Apparently, it was convincing in less than a second Izuku was next to you. "What happened? Where does it hurt?" Sometimes he was too observant for his own good. "My stomach hurts so much." "Oh, can you think of a reason? Did you eat something bad? I will get you a hot water bottle." He rushed to the open kitchen to prepare the hot-water bottle. "I am probably getting my period." You grabbed a pillow and hugged it tightly. "Ahhh." you groaned extra dramatically. "Do you want to take some painkillers?" "Yes, please." He took the hot water bottle out of the microwave. With quick steps, he got back to your side. Gently, he took away the pillow and replaced it with the water bottle. "I get you the painkillers." With those words, he rushed to the bathroom.

"We don't have any painkillers." Shouted Izuku apologetically. "That's fine." "I can buy you some. You shouldn't have to be in pain, honey." He came back to you. "There is no need to." A mischievous smile spread across your face. "How can you smile when you're in pain?" "Because I am not." If you got asked who best embodied a question mark, it would be your husband. "What?" "It was a prank." you laughed. "See, there is the camera." You pointed toward the pile of All Might figures. His shoulders lost the tension, and he hugged you tightly. "I am glad you are alright."

On the same evening, you edited the video and uploaded it on Herowatch. Since you were the wife of the number one hero of Japan, the video went viral.

ASinglePerson: The poor man was so worried. He is such a cutie.

Deku'sgreatestfan: Ahhh, Deku is so great. I love him.

SomeoneYouWillNeverMeet: We need more Y/N x Deku videos. You guys are so cute.

Balancing on a ladder, you tried to mount the camera on the high bookshelf. You hoped Shouto wouldn't notice the camera you put on there. Since he was still working, you could prepare perfectly for your prank, or rather reaction video. The number of times you had already pranked him wasn't high, but every seldom time it was funny to see his reaction.

While waiting for Shouto to come home, you filmed your intro and arranged your new sleeping place on the couch. You waited patiently for him, and when the key in the door turned, you knew it was time to pull out your acting skills. Habitually you would greet him with a hug and a kiss, but today everything had to be like you planned it. "I am home." You needed to pull yourself together that you didn't answer. The silent treatment was the best thing you could think of at the moment. If you started to talk, you would probably tell him the truth. "Y/N?" asked the heterochromatic man again. You heard his tranquil steps coming closer to the living room.

As he entered the room, his eyes immediately locked with yours. His eyes were filled with confusion, seeing you on the couch covered in your blanket that you usually use to sleep. "Are you ok?" You nodded. Now it was getting serious. "Everything is fine. I merely want to sleep on the couch today." "Why?" "I think you can answer that yourself." The poor man had no clue what you were talking about. He knew he did the laundry, helped you with your documents at the agency, and made your food. What had he forgotten?

You pulled the blanket over your body to signal to him that this conversation is over. Without a word, he took out a book from the shelf, and you worried that he saw the camera. He sat down in the armchair next to the couch. The only sound you could hear was the flipping of the pages. At that moment, you loved him even more. He respected your privacy and decisions more than every other person in your life ever did. "I am going to sleep now, have a blessed night." He put a bookmark in the book and put it back on the shelf. You felt strange not to go with him to bed.

As he said, he went to bed, and the flat the two of you lived in was unusually quiet. It was strange laying alone in the dark. You were so used to his presence that you couldn't sleep. Now you regretted not clearing the prank. A ruffling sound in the darkness caught your attention. "Shouto?" you asked into the dark. "Y/N, I am so sorry. Whatever I did, I did it unintentionally. I never wanted to hurt your feelings. I can't sleep without you. Can I sleep next to you?" Quietly Shouto came closer to your unusual sleeping place. "Of course you can. I am so sorry. It was just a prank." You swung the covers aside and ran into his arms. Gladly, the moon lit up the living room so didn't walk into the furniture. "Let us go to bed," you suggested.

The next day, you edited the video and uploaded it. Since you were the lover of the number two hero in Japan, your video blew up.

randomperson: Where can you get a bf like this?

NoName: He is such a sweetheart. I wish I had such a boyfriend.

SingleLikeAPringle: I feel so single with your videos.

It was finally your day off of hero work, so you decided to drag Shinsou to a cat café. That was one of your two intentions. Your second intention was to prank him a bit. Your Foryoupage on TikTok particularly exploded with "What would you do if I go back to my ex." - Pranks. Since you developed a big community on Herowatch, you wanted to make a short video about it too.

Secretly you recorded the two of you entering the cat café. You know how much Hitoshi hated the attention, so you often recorded your videos alone. But not today. Today was the day the whole world can see that Y/N L/N has a boyfriend. Well, not today exactly, because you had to edit the video so that Hitoshi can't be seen properly. Besides, you didn't want him to make him feel uncomfortable. This was just a way to get rid of the creepy people of the internet.

You ordered your drinks, and Hitoshi was already occupied with stroking the first cat. You placed the camera inconspicuously on the floor, so only Hitoshi's legs could be seen. "You know if we broke up, I would go back to my ex." you suddenly said and waited for his reaction. He casually looked up from the cat and nodded. "That's fine. I would also like to go back to my ex." "What..?" you stuttered, trying not to choke on your saliva. A mischievous grin spread across his face. "You heard right. I would go back to my ex." "You're joking." "Maybe. Maybe not." Now he couldn't hold back small laughter.

"Alright, jokes aside. You're practically binge-watching all those "What would you do if I go back to my ex." - Pranks. I know what you were trying to do. We are both aware that we are the exes with whom we get back together." He said calmly. "You retrolled me," you exclaimed loudly. "That's what you get when you mess with me, kitty cat." he winked at you. "Yeah, whatever." you scoffed and petted the cat in your lap.

The next morning, you edited the video, and looking back on yesterday, it was a bit funny.

InternetAdict: He is a smart guy. You are a lucky person.

VoiceKink: His voice is so soothing. Can I get his voice somewhere?

LoveYou: Your videos are so great. We need more of your secret boyfriend. We don't even need to see his face. His voice is enough to make someone go weee.

It was a rare occasion that your boyfriend Katsuki was at home, but today was the day. Because of that, you had to take your chance. Since your boyfriend is the most observant person on this planet. There was no way to hid a camera, so you used your phone instead.

He was currently next to you in the kitchen and cooked dinner for both of you. You often volunteered to help him, but he said your cooking skills were worse than Todorokis, which was something you had never thought. The Bakusquad, and you still believe that he watched too many shows with Gordon Ramsay as a child. He definitely adopted his behavior in the kitchen. Only today, you tried to ignore him, only for the sake of seeing his reaction. You sat on the barstool in front of your kitchen counter and pretended to do something on your cell phone. Even if you were actually only filming. Let the fun begin.

"Oi, babe, pass me the curry." Usually, you would have corrected him about the way he demands things, but now you just ignored him. He turned around and watched you. "Alright, I am getting it myself." You looked so concentrated on your phone that he didn't want to distract you. It went on like this for what felt like hours until Katsuki was done with cooking your food. He put the steaming plate in front of you, then he sat down next to you. You were still on your phone, so Katsuki snatched it out of your hands. "Hey." You exclaimed and immediately covered your mouth with your hands. Great, now the prank was ruined. "Why are you covering your mouth like that. Are you finally gonna talk to me now?" Still, you wanted to last a bit longer, so you kept quiet. "Fine, then not."

The two of you ate in silence till Katsuki had enough. "Alright, dumbass, what's wrong? You usually never shut up, and now your all quiet and stuff. Did somebody hurt you? I'll beat their ass. They're gonna die." he growled. You had to suppress a chuckle. Sometimes he could be so caring. Well, at least in his own individual way. "Then don't talk to me. I didn't want to know it anyway." Now you couldn't stand it any longer. "Why are you laughing, dumbass?" he asked bewildered. "I was just kidding. Everything is fine. Never thought you'd care so much about me." "Yeah, I care about your stupid ass. Now I want an apology. A good one with physical effort, if you know what I mean." He winked, and you got it. The video you wanted to film was long forgotten as you dragged him closer to the bedroom.

In the evening, you found your phone on the counter. Immediately you started to edit this whole thing. You finished late at night and finally got to upload the video on Herowatch.

Tsunderefan123: He is such a tsundere, but a lovely one.

SingleMom: Every time I watch your videos where he is involved, I feel so single.

Adviceseeker: Tell me a secret, how can you get a guy like him?

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 18/?

Word Count: 2.5k

Author's Note: Y/N - your name, A/N - any name (your best friend's name)

Warnings: Mentions of court, mentions of Jason's injuries, swearing, No beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Jason walked out in a few minutes, just in his boxers. She looked at him before letting out a slight laugh at the absurdity of it.

"Don't laugh, you're the one who tore my clothes."

She sighed, "And you're going to have to go home in torn boxers, Bruce is going to kill you."

"God, don't remind me," he said before sitting beside her.

She laughed, "You could just not go home?"

"I wish. But I have a life. You have a life."

"It's unfortunate, isn't it. Can't spend all day with you but you're all I want to do."

"Funny."

"Thank you, I really tried," she thought, "You remember how I seem to have a fascination with vigilantes?"

"Yes, why?"

"I remembered why. So, when I was in high school, graduating year, I had law class. I was bored, so I did law, don't question it," she laughed. "Anyway, in my law class, they split us into groups. Specifically, Pro-Justice-League-Association and Anti-Justice-League-Association."

"Pro and Anti?"

"Yeah, apparently it was relevant? I guess the JLA doesn't use conventional methods to get evidence? Don't care though. Anyway, I was on the side of Pro, obviously."

"Obviously."

"Wait I'm not done! By the end of the class, I had debated every member of the Anti team and converted them. It actually introduced me to the Robin-Forums, which is just smack dab full of conspiracies."

"Robin-Forums?"

"Oh my god? You don't know those? You're all over them. Some people are convinced you're Kid Flash, some are convinced you're Robin, it's crazy."

"That is crazy but seems funny. What about my family?"

"Someone in my class posted "Why Clark Kent is Batman: An Essay" which has like, 20k likes? It's very popular."

"Well, I swear he isn't Batman. He's just very fond of the night."

"That's what I said, but that man is convinced otherwise."

"You would know if any of us were vigilantes. We're not good at hiding secrets."

"I'm sure you have your secrets, I just find it funny people think you have time to be Kid Flash."

"People spend all their time worrying about me, when will it end?"

"Ha! That's fair. Tabloids running your name probably doesn't help the conspiracies."

"I remember one of my ex-friends from high school mentioned me being Kid Flash, I was so confused, I guess it makes sense now. I'm going to have to show everyone that. They'll get a kick out of it."

"I bet they would. I'm waiting for the day I'm on it as someone who's a hero. Hoping they say I'm Wonder Woman or something. I think it would be funny."

"You get Miss Martin because everyone thinks you're too beautiful to be human."

"Aw. That's so corny that I hate it! Well done."

"Thank you. I learned it from Dick."

"Of course you did."

"Where else would I learn it from?"

"If you're genuinely asking, the internet, probably."

"That's fair. That's completely fair. I think Dick learns a lot of his lines from the internet, honestly."

"Oh yeah, there's no way he comes up with everything on his own. No way."

"So, what other dumb stories do you have?"

"Well, I think my sister is either a vigilante or really, really, weird."

"You think your sister is a vigilante?"

"Okay so, she's a businesswoman. No big deal, right? Wrong. She's always out, more often than she has to be, she's always spending nights away from home."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Okay well Adrianna, Aria, whatever you want to call her, she's being suspicious."

"I'm sure you're looking too far into it."

---------------------------

The Night Jason Was Stabbed.

Aria clutched the scythe in her life hand. She had failed. She had worn her best dresses that she could hide beneath her capes, she had drugged him, she had stabbed him 6 bloody times, and he had still survived!

She was angry. She walked up to the Red Hood on his time off while he was catching a drink, looking stressed. She didn't care if he accepted her offer to go to her room, she just cared about that moment. The one where she could slip in the crushed-up pills and no one would stop her.

And she had done it. She waited until after he chugged the whole drink to strike. He was stumbling around, like an idiot. She hit his head with the back of her blade, knocking him to the ground where she proceeded to stab him 6 times in his right side.

She kissed his forehead before leaving, which required her to removed her mask a bit, saying "Goodnight, sweet Prince," before running into the darkness.

But the blue one, Nightwing. He got to the Red Hood before he could die. And she was pissed. All that hard work, just for him to not even die.

The scythe was still bloodied from the Red Hood. Her lips were still warm from his forehead. But now, he had possibly seen her face! Her plans were foiled every way when of her goblins came up to her.

"Ma'am, your weapon."

She passed it over without second thought. She wanted it rid of the blood of a living man, she wanted it soaked in the blood of a dead man.

Her plague doctor mask fell a bit as she began to tear up. She had failed. She had never failed at knocking "Heroes" down a peg.

Call it crazy, but she knew the fights between her and the Red Hood were far from over. She even felt as they'd grow closer.

As she looked at the walls covered in the photos of the vigilantes of the world, she knew this was only the first battle. The war was hers. They didn't know what was going to hit them.

But there was an issue. Her sister, Y/N had become close with one of the Waynes. She needed the Waynes to get to the "Heroes" which meant possibly hurting her sister.

----------------------------------

"I hope I'm looking too far into it."

She wasn't.

One night when they were both 17, it was just Aria and Y/N in the house when Y/N was awoken by a loud crash from the downstairs window.

She went to investigate, bat in hand, to find her sister, stumbling over the coffee table. Bleeding out and clutching her side from the blood. Stabbed.

Y/N took no hesitation to take care of Aria. Stitching her up like they had as kids when Y/N would sitch up Aria after shut cut herself on skates, or if Y/N ran straight into a car.

Those images still dance in Y/N's mind to this day. Something was up with the way that her sister had a mask, a long bird-Esque plague doctor mask. A cloak. Knives. Guns. A scythe.

The best outcome would be her sister was attacked while LARPing in the park. The worst? She was a villain. Midway? A hero of the night, a vigilante. Anything was better than a villain.

If only she knew the pain Aria had caused her until this point. The fact that Aria was the one who drugged and tried to kill Jason. The pieces of the story were unravelling in front of everyone's eyes, they just needed to connect them properly.

--------------------------------

Aria had a plan. Kidnap her sister and her lover's family. Get ransom. Get them hurting. Locate the "Heroes". The only issue was that Y/N would recognise the cloak, the mask. She knew the get-up.

Aria was not about to redesign her entire outfit for the sake of not alerting her sister. She figured it would be unlikely that Y/N would focus on the cloak when she's being used for ransom money.

Or at least she hoped. She wasn't certain her plan would even work. Breaking into the Wayne Manor, after one of the kids had been stabbed, in a mugging was going to be difficult.

They had employed security, something that was never common at the Wayne Manor before this moment. She was upset. If only her sister had met the Waynes before the stabbing.

Then she thought.

Red Hood is a Wayne?

It made sense, sure. They got stabbed at the same time. But was it reasonable? She didn't know. Why would an 18-20-year-old be a vigilante? He couldn't even legally drink?

She thought it didn't make sense. That the Red Hood was never, could never be the Wayne kid. But if he was, what could that mean?

She was certain he wasn't. But the thoughts swirled in her mind as if beckoning her to come to the conclusion.

She was crazy, she knew that. She was obviously crazy, she became the villain, the opposite of her twin in every way. She was insane. Arkham would like her. But there was something about the Red Hood being a Wayne that kept coming back to her. Haunting her like the night she was stabbed by Green Arrow back in Metropolis.

She was on their radar. They knew her. They would come to get the Waynes.

She knew the Justice League Association knew of her. But the people didn't. This stunt would make the people know of her.

The name Hour will ring through the streets of Gotham. The streets of Metropolis. Smallville. Anywhere she could get her hands on. She would begin her reign of terror.

No one could stop her now.

---------------------------------

Jason had left after Bruce had called him. She assumed he needed to work or one of his siblings did a dumbass move. It was upsetting that they couldn't spend every moment together, but she knew that it was par for the course with Jason.

She was bored. She didn't have a job, her parents paid her bills if she focused on school. But she wasn't something to do, a reason to be having down days. She knew school gave her this, but it wasn't like it was every damn day.

A job would be every damn day. Hopefully. A reason to do so much in her life.

She figured she could work at Wayne Enterprises. But she didn't want to be that girl. The one who's fucking the CEO and is subsequently untouchable. You can't befriend her and talk sit, she'll tattle.

She wanted to be a normal working person. A colleague, not a boss.

Wayne Enterprises was a last resort for her. If she couldn't get hired anywhere else, she'd go apply thee. You don't fuck company property, she thought.

But she also thought fucking Wanye Enterprises "Property" was fun. and no one was really going to stop her, not even Bruce. Even though Bruce tried to lecture her and Jason, there was only so much he'd do. Barbara and Dick both worked at Wayne Enterprises and hadn't been reprimanded for that.

And obviously, they were having sex. They had been together for a while, Jason said.

Which, obviously they were having sex if they were together for that long.

She scrolled a little while for jobs, marking down a few she'd look further into. Not really anything exciting, she was still young, 1st year in college, a freshman. Not many prestigious places would hire someone her age. Especially while they're still in school.

There were only unpaid intern jobs in her field. And she wasn't about to fuck with not getting paid, even if it was her line of schooling. She didn't think it was worth it to put all of your efforts into a job that you weren't getting paid for.

A lot of kids thought her way, including her sister. Both of them grew up thinking that getting paid for work was necessary, her parents had always told them that. Even if her parents had strict religious views, they would still back her up if someone wasn't paying her, even if they fell out.

She thought if Bruce felt the same, that kids should be paid for what they do. He figured he did since he employed all of his kids once they were old enough to work at Wayne Enterprises.

She noticed Lexcorp, who had recently put up a building in Gotham, was hiring. She thought it would be funny if she went to work for her boyfriend's dad's competitor. She was tempted.

Worst comes to worst, she'd be a Lexcorp employee.

She, of course, would have to dress up for these interviews, and she had the clothes to do so, but she didn't, per se, want to wear them.

She also didn't want to go outside when trials were still raging. So, she figured she'd call Christopher's parents about getting him a lawyer and then scroll the pages for shopping. His parents finally had the time to deal with their son, because Christopher didn't want to interrupt his parents with him being an idiot.

She dialled.

"Hello?" his mom asked.

"Hey, Laura. It's Y/N."

"Y/N! Sweetheart, we've been wondering about you ever since, you know."

"Yeah, yeah. We can talk about it later I swear. So, I already told you about what Christopher did, right?"

"You did."

"He needs a lawyer, the man is pressing charges."

"Well, that's stupid. He has no right."

"Apparently he does."

"We'll get Christopher a lawyer. But how are you, darling?"

"I'm okay. Could be a hell of a lot better. I have faith in the court system."

"We're all worried about you, kiddo. You've wrapped yourself up in a lot of a mess recently."

"I know. It's weird. But I swear I'm strong enough to pull through, you've known me for what, 13 years? Give or take? I know how to handle myself."

"That doesn't mean we can't worry."

"I know, new city, new people. I swear behind the scandals I'm in that I actually have friends."

"I assume we'll meet this Jason eventually?"

"Eventually. We need to find the time between court dates, work. Adulting."

"You don't have a job?"

"Jason does. And I'm thinking about getting one to pass the time."

"Working to pass the time is a new thing, fascinating, you kids are."

"Nothing can make sense of all these things I've done, I know."

"Those sound like song lyrics."

"Sometimes songs are the best way to get all your thoughts compiled into one place, you know. I starred as Katherine Howard, Laura. I know how to convey emotion through art."

"I know. That's still one of the performances Metropolis holds on to, you know."

"I wish they didn't. But it is what it is."

"It's a good performance, kiddo."

She laughed, "Anyway. You get onto that lawyer. Christopher needs it right now."

"I will. Be safe. We love you."

"I love you lot."

Click. She thought about Christopher, and the bullshit he went through to save her.

She brushed the thoughts off and pulled out her journal. Scribbling down her sister's bird mask. She couldn't get that off of her mind. She could have sworn her sister made the thing out of actual bone.

It was like she threw a steampunk aesthetic into a plague doctor. She was certain there was more to it that she didn't know.

Literally Aria LMFAO

[xdandelionxbloomx]

Modern AU Idea continued

(part 1)

Jaskier returned to social media slowly - 

He started trickling in posts, snippets of song ideas, some random thoughts mostly on Instagram and his Insta stories-- 

And then came pictures-- 

The sunset over the mountains behind Kaer Morhen Ranch was first - gold, orange, burgundy, and indigo shades blending into something he told Geralt that Bob Ross would’ve liked to paint--

Geralt had snorted at that comment, but Jaskier could tell that he was secretly pleased - was happy that Jaskier enjoyed being with him on the ranch--

Another picture - blurry, with a caption-- 

Geralt took this photo and it’s kind of blurry, but nicely artsy, wouldn’t you say? 

It was Jaskier, from his nose down, hands plucking at the acoustic guitar, unfocused and grainy in what little evening light crept through their dining room windows--

Jaskier didn’t tell Geralt that he planned to use it for his new single cover.

Another--

Geralt crouched in front of a little girl whose face was obscured by the man himself as he helped her adjust her riding helmet, his cowboy hat tipped a little crooked - the kids never wanted to wear their helmets if Geralt didn’t wear one and he, too, hated them so he’d taken to the hat which in the past had only cemented his nickname-- 

What are the kids calling it these days? Cowboycore?

All hell broke loose over that photo - from people observing how good Geralt looked in his worn jeans (which Jaskier could appreciate as well because it was true) to people hounding Jaskier about cowboycore and--

Doesn’t cowboycore have gay connotations? 

Jaskier replied - That one Ariana Grande gif. And what about it?

The internet promptly lost their collective mind-- 

Wait, wait, is that who Honey Gold was about? Someone tweeted him. 

That song was five years old and so he didn’t reply-- 

He wasn’t sure he was ready to share just how long it had been yet. 

Jaskier had a plan brewing, but Geralt would have to be willing to be on camera for a significant chunk of it, be willing to really be a part of Jaskier’s art-- 

He wasn’t sure Geralt was ready and so he didn’t propose it for a while yet, working instead on the single that had taken up a significant part of his brain - an ear worm he couldn’t get rid of that made him tap his fingers on whatever surface was closest if he didn’t have his guitar around. 

He shared a photo of a sunset, Geralt leaned up against the fence of the solitary paddock where Roach was housed for the moment while he worked with her-- 

That horse might have the spirit of a devil, but at least she loves Geralt. As she should. 

He couldn’t count the number of comments demanding a name for the little chestnut mare and so the next day he ended up out at the paddock as Geralt lunged the horse without a rope, sending her in circles around the paddock as he stood in the center of it-- 

Jaskier takes a short video as she passes by-- 

In the midday sun, her scars were more visible and he hesitated to post it before he settled on captioning the video-- 

This is Roach. Geralt adopted her through a rescue. Her last owners called her a cockroach from what I’ve heard, but the rescue called her Roachie. Geralt insists that Roach has more dignity. 

Jaskier ended up showing Geralt the comments because they were just so--

Sweet. 

A few people shared their own stories about their rescue horses and Geralt had been annoyed by the phone being shoved in his face every few minutes at first, but by the end of the day Jaskier knew he was secretly pleased because even though he’d roll his eyes when Jaskier pushed the phone towards him over dinner, Geralt would read the comment he pointed out--

And his lips would twitch up at the corners-- 

Half of Jaskier’s Instagram became dedicated to Geralt and Roach, just random pictures that he snapped-- 

The other half tended to be short videos of him messing around on the guitar, or voice updates, or photos of hands-- 

Then suddenly a couple of weeks where he wasn’t very active--

Those couple of weeks had been hard because he’d finished writing the single entirely, but he’d started on that other project and kept working himself up to ask Geralt about it, but how did one even do that? 

How could he possibly--

And then one night Jaskier got out of the shower to find Geralt reading a book on the couch. It wasn’t necessarily unusual - Geralt preferred books to television, but there was something so warm about it that night, something that made his chest ache. 

With damp hair he’d made his way over to the couch where he climbed up onto it, curling up against Geralt’s side, nuzzling against him. The other man grunted at the feeling of his wet hair, but didn’t complain, shifting his hold-- 

He kept the book open with one hand and wrapped his other arm around Jaskier, turning his head briefly to press a kiss to the crown of his head. 

“What are you reading?” Jaskier had asked, voice small in the space between them. It didn’t have to be big here. There wasn’t an audience. Just Geralt. 

“Poetry.” Geralt answered and Jaskier hummed a soft note. 

“Read some?” He rasped, softly, and closed his eyes, settling in. 

Geralt did, of course, because despite all his eye rolling he was kind and soft and always had been-- 

And the words he read gripped Jaskier, cemented the whole swirling picture into something linear, and he fell asleep against Geralt thinking about it, listening to his gruff voice-- 

Four days later he posted a picture of his notebook with a simply smiley as a caption-- 

They didn’t need to know that he and Geralt had discussed in length what the project would mean, what it would entail - didn’t need to know that Geralt asked for time to think, that Jaskier had taken it as a no at first and instead turned his attention to perfecting the mixing on the single he planned to release very soon - didn’t need to know that Geralt came to him on the fourth morning and told Jaskier that he’d do it, only if Jaskier promised he didn’t have to fly to New York or wear makeup-- 

Jaskier had kissed him, had taken him to bed, had told him in the proper words, told Geralt he was going to hear it on the project anyways-- 

Geralt hadn’t said it back yet, but the look on his face told Jaskier all he needed to know-- 

The picture of his notebook had far too many comments to even begin to reply to - excitement over new music, people telling him to make sure he felt well before returning, people trying to decipher his handwriting, and then there was the tiny section of people who had started a hashtag. 

#Roachupdate - 

Please can we get a picture of Roach? 

How is Roach doing?

Has Roach let you pet her yet?

So Jaskier caved and posted another photo of Roach - it was significantly closer than all his other photos as Jaskier could stand at the fence now without the devil mare losing her mind. 

She’s doing good. She loves Geralt to death, but doesn’t let anyone else touch her. Still can’t be lose with other horses but we’ve been able to have them separated by the fence without her trying to snap at them through it. #Roachupdate

And thus Saturdays became designated Roach Update days, though if someone caught him at a good time on Twitter, he might just tweet a photo of her because he could. 

About the time his new single - his ballad about a cowboy who went grey early, who liked his coffee with milk and sugar on good mornings, who had warm hands - came out, he posted a photo of his hand on Roach’s muzzle. 

She may be a devil, but she’s our devil. #Roachupdate 

His single picked up steam in a way he hadn’t expected it to and suddenly there were eyes on him again and-- 

It was a lot. He’d forgotten how life could be in the spotlight-- 

And he worried, he worried about his voice, about-- 

But the night Geralt read him that poem, voice low, would come back to him and he’d take a deep breath and smile-- 

Because he could do this again. 

He wanted to do this again. Wanted to share with the world his story. 

Most of all, he supposed, he wanted to share their story, with Geralt beside him, tell the world about it, about him, about the amazing man-- 

And so on a rainy Saturday morning, Jaskier posted a photo-- 

Roach had a simple brown halter on, rope hooked to it, and Jaskier held the rope, smiling just a little as he looked at her-- 

The photo was Geralt’s phone background because of course Geralt would do that, would make Jaskier’s chest feel too tight in the best way every time he opened his phone up to find something--

But he captioned the photo--

Roach might actually like me now. Geralt rode her the other day with a bareback pad so I’d say that it’s significant progress. Oh, and I started working on my new visual album. #Roachupdate

Safe to say that his fans erupted into chaos.

[cloveroctobers]

(A/n: this might be a little biased since I’m in love with this man & I’m basing the relationship parts of this on my mc/myself so hope y’all don’t mind 😬)

IG info/bio: @/lucas.koh | 93.1k followers | for business inquires please visit: kohptr.com

LUCAS KOH —

27 (28) years old

From Oxford, England

Father is Korean & a car salesman at a Nissan dealership, he’s a strict/serious man who has high morals but beyond that he can actually be a softie in rare moments (+ that’s who Lucas gets his height from 🤤)

Mother is actually Chinese but lived in Korea studying abroad and eventually became a successful chiropractor (s/o to doctor mondragon on YouTube who I watch to help me sleep some nights and wish I could see! Lol) with her own practice. She’s a firecracker, intelligent, and quick to say what’s on her mind and doesn’t care if you like what she’s got to say. Most patients like that about her, she’s honest and her family is used to her ways but in the same way it’s more loving than offensive? (Smol woman but will remind you when she’s cracking your body she’s got enough power in her)

Either he’s a only child or he comes from a family of all boys with two younger brothers (they’re all in their 20’s) or he has one younger brother and one younger sister idk you decide

I’m feeling like he’s a Sagittarius? Carefree in the terms of he wasn’t viewing finally getting with MC when she’s dating someone else as cheating. Mans was READY to risk it all for me okay and I was down for it but ofc I had to react realistically and NOT “cheat.” *sigh* one part of me was debating ‘are we really dating tho bobby? We’re on reality tv. We’re not gonna die without each other if we hang out in seperate rooms’ *cough* Nope. but I’m a woman about her loyalty

He’s definitely adventurous. I don’t see him as the type to want to stay home all the time even tho his work definitely keeps him busy/exhausted. He’s down for road trips 💯

Occupation? Physicotherapist. His mother inspired him to get into the field and watching sports + the way players got their injuries always intrigued him? So to provide the best plan to have someone heal was something he loved to do plus being hands on while teaching/helping was a passion for him + I feel like he would also use a massaging technique instead of the usual exercise part of it

Now as someone who suffered a ACL & Mensicus tear & is STILL dealing with this BS pain years later, I would be so thankful to have him around! I feel like he’d have a optimistic attitude towards his patients and that’s what people need not someone that’s insensitive (like my surgeon/PT’s I had)

He models from time to time, when he was first approached about it he was upfront about not wanting to do it. It was much different than getting your picture taken for the office. That’s usually quick, the whole modeling process felt longer but somehow he was talked into it by his brother who’s a photographer and his mother. “Do you think you’re ugly? ‘Cause I’m not and you’re a part of me, so therefore there’s no such thing. Just look at your cheekbones, your jawline! I gave you those. The only good thing your father gave you was height.” Which filled the house with snickers while Lucas’ father just rolled his eyes and continued reading his newspaper for breakfast

Has a motorcycle and some luxurious car—not a Tesla those are basic now 🤷🏽‍♀️

Loves his motorcycle so much he’s got a tat of it on his right bicep

He has two available parking spaces in his parking garage at his penthouse but keeps his bike away in a storage unit due to a neighbor scratching it after his girlfriend broke up with him? Saying she was off to date Lucas? But that wasn’t true at all. He barely knew the girl, they didn’t live on the same floor. People were crazy but if you push him his temper might come out

Owns a leather jacket that he paid a lot for

Believes in “treat yo self” if it means in quality when shopping and has no issue being a big spender but he knows how to manage it well (his father told him all about how his own father dealt with bankruptcy)

Since he’s often at the office the whole day, he’s usually a night owl. He loves night drives and night dining. That’s usually when he finds the best places to eat

There’s this one pho spot that he loves and it’s his go to spot when he wants something quick on the way home

Cannot sleep with his entire body covered in covers, either his arms/shoulders have to be out or his legs, which would be a issue for me/mc since I sleep with the covers over my entire body...yes even in hot weather with the AC cranked up😂

He also makes great kimchi fried rice & loves Italian food

Will wine and dine. I believe it. I envision it! He loves going out on dates with his significant other (If he’s single and not with me, I think he’d try out speed dating)

Will dress to impress, will buy you a new fit he wants to see you/us/mc in especially if it’s your anniversary

Loves taking bubble bath’s with infused oils or flower petals with significant other

He’s the type that takes long showers & it brings him a true sense of freedom. He’s never able to take a quick shower, he gets lost in his ideas of what to do next in this world & it’s limitless

If he’s in for the day, which usually doesn’t last long—he’s either in sweats or in a robe all day

Only drives his bike on the weekend or if he’s going out of town but if he’s going on a trip for a couple of days with MC & if she’s got a bit of anxiety like me? He’ll stick to his car to make them comfortable

I feel like he enjoys the winter season. Maybe if it’s a slushy rainy winter more than a blizzards/snowy season. He loves bundling up, much to people’s surprise. He’s more than just his good looks and body love island fans!!!

Doesn’t post much on his socials. If you need to see what he’s about then you should do so in person or already know who he is. The internet can’t tell you much, in his opinion

Keeps himself in good health, I mean duh what kind of PT would he be 😉 goes on night jogs with reflector clothes on & occasionally morning jogs & at home workouts

Probably will date someone younger than him. Not by much, I don’t think he can take immaturity well. (That maybe how he views it) The most is 4 years younger than him

Henrik is his best bud from the show. They hang out all the time, crash at each other’s places, and vacation together all the time. They will be each other’s future best men forsure

Doesn’t go out of his way to talk to the rest of the guys from the show but if he happens to browse his feed and sees something he wants to comment on then he’ll carry a conversation of course

Far as the girls? He talks to Hannah & Priya from time to time. He also follows Hope and they like each other’s posts but not much communication is there either?

Either has a mint or black phone case, probably a Samsung galaxy user

Likes pistachio frozen yogurt but he’s lactose & doesn’t want to believe it :(

Smokes cigars when he’s out with his boys

Has a tight knit group of friends, majority of them are from the medical field since they all went to uni together + most of them are also married so the pressure is so on

*He’s the oldest out of his sibs so according to his parents he’s expected to be married first yet his baby sis is engaged and she’s 23*

wants a family...eventually. Probably will happen in his early thirties? The max for children is 2 for him. He knows they can be a HANDFUL due to his own friends who have kids + he’s a godfather and he’s babysat before so he knows how it goes!

enjoys his freedom as stated which further proves he’s a sag lol

Enjoys going to saunas to cleanse his pores/ get rid of toxins. It’s the easiest way for him to do so even tho his brother clowns him for it

His love language is deff physical touch. He loves hugs and resting his chin on top of your head, forehead to forehead, his nose pressed in between the space of your neck and shoulder, gentle squeezes, sitting next to each other with your legs touching, cuddling, sleeping on top of you or you on him, etc

He loves kissing. It’s automatic for him and it can also easily rile him up

Has strong opinions & will show them but will feel like he’s being attacked if it brings on a confrontation/argument

Will forgive and forget

Plays strategy board games

Makes his own natural healing creams & gives samples to his patients depending on their needs

His fav colors are: blue, white, & grey

Will grow a bit of facial hair in the cooler months if it’ll make mc happy (I’m a sucker for facial hair but hate it on myself lmao) but if he dislikes the feeling on his face he will shave and finds he likes a shaven face better, the facial hair makes him look a bit older—which is okay but that’s just his preference

When he stops putting gel in his hair/styling his hair in a quiff hairstyle it shocks fans with mc commenting on one of his pics, “you’re welcome x”

Likes going to the Hard Rock Cafe on causal weekends

also likes getting freaky in public, down for whatever 🤪

He’s a traveler so if he leaves the UK, I’m seeing him land in Toronto, Canada first and falling in love with it. I feel he would vibe well with the culture there, might even consider getting a vacation home in that location

Celeb crushes? Anne Hathaway, Beyoncé, Lupita Nyong'o, Anna Diop, Imaan Hammam, Jodie Comer, Megan Fox, Shay Mitchell, & Cassie Ventura Fine

Oh Lucas. I feel like we have similar tastes? Somewhat. He probably listens to more rock than I do? Maybe 80s rock moreso? & He listens to: WALK THE MOON, Allen Stone (his fav) , Emily king, Gavin Turek, Melanie Fiona, THEY., DPR live, & Sik-k

Anthem = Young the Giant, “Something to believe in”

[lildevyl]

Swap!AU Sneak Peak

Okay, so I’m having a little Writer’s Block on how to start this piece!  But I want to write something that goes with this AU for @weirdmixofweirdness Live Stream and yes, I know I’m putting pressure on myself with me only having two weeks to write it!  But I want to do it!  So, please don’t @ me with that!  Instead, feel free to @ me with any kinds of advice on dialog!  I completely suck at that and can use all the help I can get!

Okay, enough of my rambling that’s not what you came to here to read!  On with the show

Enjoy the Story!

@10th-no-name-person and @thebluehearted  Sorry, for the teaser, but here the Boss Villain is revealed!

@huffletrax, Hey Lou! If this is something that your not interested in, please let me know and I’ll tag ya for another series!

I can’t breathe!  It hurts so much!  Even now as I lie here and I’m going to die, my thoughts go to you, but why?  Why am I thinking of you?  I was never your favorite, was I?  Oh, now I see these   .   .   .   are my memories of when we first met.  I’ll admit, I was so arrogant, I actually thought there must’ve been some kind of a mistake!  How could you be my Creator?  You weren’t strong, you didn’t know what you were doing, didn’t know how to use your Creator Power.  But boy, was I wrong!  You were strong, just in a different way.  Your strength came from your spirit, your heart, your compassion, your empathy, your kindness towards others.

When I first came to Septic City, I thought I was invincible, that I was the one that could do no wrong.  I got sick of the Corruption, having to play by the rules, having to be the “Good Guy” All the time.  So, when one of the gangs wanted to start a war, I decided to take action.  I rounded them all up, all arrogant, cocky, reckless, not even caring what happens.  Then I was face to face with the gang’s Boss.  He was outright to kill me too.  But that’s not what happened, instead, I wound up killing him.  I was so confused.  I felt bad for killing him, glad that stopped him, relieved that he would no longer be around.  But this was not what a Superhero did.  I didn’t know what to think!  I came to you, late at night, bloodshot eyes, tear-stained face, you let me cry in private.  Telling you what had happened, wore a hole in your floor from my constant pacing.

You listened, you didn’t judge me, not once, didn’t kick me out or had me fade.  Instead, you took me in, held me, and told about some heroes who did kill.  They do it if they have too.  If it was a,  you or them, situation.  Where you will have to kill because there’s no other choice.  Deadpool, the Punisher, the heroes who did kill, the Antiheroes, the fans called them.  Anti-Hero.  I really liked that!

Then you made me brothers.  Jackie, who became my sidekick in fighting crime.  The one that I finally realized that I had to change my outlook, what I thought a Hero should be.  Jameson Jackson, the Magician.  The one that came about because you wanted to branch out, try something new, instead of just video games.  And the fans loved him!  Chase, again because you wanted to do something different, but at the same time, all those “Doctor Games” were the inspiration for him.  You wanted to make sure that I was well taken care of and Chase was the perfect fit.  Henrik, the eccentric Ego, but I soon started to like his outlook on life.  Always trying to find a theory and whether or not it was true.  Experimenting became his thing with his friend MatPat.  And then came Marvin.  You wanted to do something special for Halloween, and you loved the old-time movies.  But neither you nor I knew that Dark would show up.  Putting doubt in me and the Community,  maybe even you.

I failed them.  I failed them all!

I failed Jackie.  I couldn’t stop Dark from taking him.  Corrupting him.  Making him think that the Community had forgotten him, replace him.  I failed Henrik.  I should have been there.  I could’ve stopped him, could’ve stopped Dark from kidnapping Henrik.   I could’ve stopped MatPat from becoming Matmare and I could’ve stopped Henrik from ever paying the ultimate price in escaping Dark’s clutches.  I could’ve saved Marvin.   I could’ve stopped Dark from ever trying to puppet him.  From making the Community think that he was ever a puppet!  I could’ve saved them all!  But I was reckless, impatient, needing to prove that I am the Hero that you made me, to be.  That I am Septic City’s Anti-Hero.

Maybe, it’s a good thing that I failed, because now.  Now, Sean, you can make the right hero.  Now, Sean, you can make a better Ego.  A better Anti-Hero.  A better Superhero.  One that you and the others need and the one that the City depressedly needs.  I’m so sorry Sean.  I failed you.  I failed to be the Hero, you wanted me to be.  The Ego, you created me to be.  Maybe now, you finally have a chance to make a new one, and start again.  Make a new Hero Ego, a better hero, then me.  Save them, save my brothers and the City.

Sean   .   .   .   I’m - so   .   .   .  Sorry   .   .   .  That I  .   .   .  Failed   .   .    .   You.

(Sean’s Apartment)

“Aaahhhh!”  Sean screamed holding his chest.  Pain.  Sheer white-hot pain just coursed through him.  That only happens if one of the Egos is in trouble!  Sean closes his eyes, he can sense everyone.  Everyone but Anti.  Oh, God what did Anti get himself into this time?

“Sean?”  Evelyn called bursting through the door. “Are you alright?”

“No. Anti’s in trouble.”

Evelyn didn’t know what to do.  She was so new to the whole Ego thing, but Anti needed Sean’s help.  It was very rare that he ever called out especially to Sean, but Anti was one of her favorite Egos next to Jameson.  Anti might not know it but he is one of Sean’s favorites as well.  

Evelyn sat down across from Sean, and put her hands on his and concentrated on Septic City and focused all of her energy on finding Anti.

‘Anti, if you're out there.  Hang in there!  You’re still one of Sean’s favorites!  Please don’t leave us!  Don’t leave your brothers!  Don’t leave Sean!  We still love you!’

Sean sat Indian style constraining on Anti.  He needed his help, Sean just hoped and prayed that he wasn’t too late!

‘Connect with me!  Please, Anti.  Please connect with me.  I don't want to lose you. ANTONIO!’

(Dark’s Mansion)

Jackie woke not remembering a thing.  Head pounding, lights blinding, and the room began to spin.  It took Jackie a moment or two to get his bearings.  When he did though, that was when he noticed this wasn’t his room.  The walls were painted maroon, the silk sheets were a soft grey, the currents blocking out the sun were a heavy charcoal grey.  Oh, yeah he was not at the Septic House anymore!  But where was he?  The last thing Jackie remembered was the interview that he, Anti, and Game Girl were doing live.  He doesn’t remember anything after that.

The door clicked and swung open, grabbing Jackie’s attention, and instantly froze upon seeing who it was.  “Ah, I see that ̧͡you'̵r͘͟͢e awake.”

Jackie’s breath caught in his throat.  No, no, no, no!  This can’t be happening!  Jackie was in the house, staring at the Dark Ego, which caused all of this!  The one that kept going after Sean!  Trying to get rid of him!  Get rid of Anti!  Of him! All of them!  Not even thinking twice of actions, Jackie lunged forward.  Grabbing a feather and using what Anti taught him, morphed into a feather shape dagger. And went to stab this son of a bitch!

DarkSepticeye just sidestepped Jackie and grabbed his wrist with ease.  Twisting it and his entire arm, forcing Jackie to drop the dagger.  Jackie tried to punch, slap, anything with his free hand.  Only for Dark to easily grab that one too.  Jackie struggled with all his might to get DarkSepticeye to let go.  But to no avail.  He just gripped him tighter, waiting until Jackie tire himself out.

“Is that a͟ny̵̴͠wa̸y̴ to thank the E͜͝go̵͏̕ that s̸͝҉av̕͡ed ͞ y̸̷o̸͞u̕r l̛í̵f̸e?̛͘͜”  DarkSepticeye asked.

Jackie stopped struggling.  Save his life?  “What?”

“So, you d͟҉o̕͜͞n͡'t know?  Typical that ḩé͞ would keep̶͡ ş͘͡om͞e͘͟͝t͟h̷̶͞ing͠ like this from y̶͡͡o͞u͟,”  DarkSepticeye said

“What do you mean?  Who kept what from me?”  Jackie asked despite himself.  He knew not to trust DarkSepticeye.  Not to trust what this - this Ego has to say!  But Jackie couldn’t help himself.  What was being kept from him?  What did Dark mean that he saved Jackie’s life?

“Oh, Jackie,” Dark said in an almost sympathetic way and let go of his hands.  “You were fading, my friend.”

Fading?!  Fading?  FADING?!  No!  NO!  NO!!!  That - that can’t be true!  He’s still here!  The Community still believed in him?  Didn’t they?  Sean still cared about him!  Right?  Anti, wouldn’t keep that from him!  He wouldn’t!  NO!  Not Anti!  He - he  .  .  .

“I’m afraid, what your ę̶͠x̧͏p̴̧ȩ̸͟riȩ̕n̸ç̷̵e is, what we all E̛͡g҉͝o͞s̡̀͞ go through.  It’s called D̕͢e̢͜͡n͝ia҉̡l̵, Jackie.  But yes, you were f̧͞a̵̛d̛in̸̨͡g͘͞.̶”

Jackie furiously shook his head.  “No!  No, no, no!  No, that’s impossible!  Anti - he  .   .  . would have told me!  The - the Community still believes in me!  And Sean!  Sean - he - he s-still  .   .   .”

“If you don’t bę͡l̶̀͞i̵̶e̵̸̷ve̶̡҉  me, Jackie.  Feel f̷̡ŗ̀͝ee to look for y̶o҉͘u̢҉̡ŗ̀͜s̵eĺ̕f.̧͘͝”

Against his better judgment, Jackie did just that.  Grabbing the laptop that appeared out of nowhere and heading to the desk.  Jackie opened up the laptop and scoured the internet.  On several social media, the Community posted several, fanfictions, stories, fan art, theories, and fan comics all of Anti-Hero and Game Girl.  He checked Septic City in Egopocalpse and just like the Community. 

News stories, articles, videos, vines, and even YouTube Videos were popping up everywhere.  But only with Anti-Hero and Game Girl and some of the Egos, that Jackie once called brothers.  How could this have happened?  Anti told Jackie when he first started training him that he was one of the Community’s favorite but now?

“H-how did this h-happened?”  Jackie managed to choke out.

“It appeared that Àn̸͘t͝i-̷͡He̵̢͞ro was the C͏̧̨o҉͢mmu̕͝ni̶ţ͘͠y’̀ś͠͝ favorite aĺ͝l ͏̨̨t̶̛͠his͞ tim̷e̸̷. He just d̢id̸n̡͢’t want to share the s̡͢pot̕͏lí̸gḩ̷̡t nor did he want the g̢ui̶l̵͢t͏̸ a҉ņ͟͡d ̵sha̸̡m̷͢e of you f̧͟͜adi̵̸ng being on his c͏̡͘ơn̷̷͝sc̸̀͠iou̧͘s.̷”

Jackie just sat there staring at nothing.  His brain refused to comprehend what was going on.  He felt so numb.  Was Dark right?  Was Jackie really not their favorite anymore?  Was he ever their favorite?

“Oh, don’t waste your tears, J҉a͝ck̀͜҉i͝e̷̡͘.  I can heĺ̷p ̛͝y̵͠ou̢͟ get back at them.  Get back at Sean.  Get back at Anti.  Get back at t̸he ͘̕̕Ć̵o͠m̷͞͠m̛̀̕u̷͜n̴̕i҉ty,̢͝”  DarkSepticeye extended his hand.  “Fo̶҉ŗ҉ ̵̨́a ̵͡pr̴͠҉ice̷̸͜.̡”

Tagging:  @weirdmixofweirdness, @a-humble-narcissus, @juju-on-that-yeet, @m4delin, @marshmallowmischief, @dolphintreasureart, @reverseblackholeofwords, @dezzydynamite, @nightfuryobsessed

[thisnerdsadventures]

i accepted a job offer!

it’s been like four years coming, but now announcing the next adventure i will embarking on after college: i’m really excited to share that I accepted a full-time software engineering position at Stripe! (a mid-sized company focused on payment platforms, responsible for a large portion of e-commerce, chances are that if you’ve ever bought something on the internet, your money’s probably gone through Stripe) If you thought that this blog would die after I graduated, you were wrong haha you cannot get rid of my shit content

How it happened

The past few months have been a lot of interviewing (read: a lot), a lot of leetcoding, and a lot of managing timelines and emails. I actually haven’t slept through the night since like September because of my anxiety levels (which is really bad!!!!) so I’m really glad that this whole thing is over. My application season started in mid- to late- August: I had a goal of applying to one company every day, and I kept that up for a couple weeks. Going in, I kind of had a plan of what kind of companies I wanted to apply to - I was planning on taking my return offer originally, but I wanted a few more potential offers to have negotiation leverage when the time came, and I also wanted to see what was out there too. A couple places also reached out to me, so I followed up with them. All in all, I ended up pursuing 10 companies across big tech, a couple unicorns, and some finance firms.

Interview Hell

I have this grand idea of writing a really in-depth guide to how to do interviews + how to find internships + how to handle the system because there are a lot of weird tips and tricks that make it a thousand times easier to get a job, but only if you’re in the know (which is really dumb, as the industry is still pretty gate-keepy). But until then, I’ll just talk about what the interview process was like after this. So I heard back from a lot of those companies asking for what we call “online assessments”, which are basically timed coding tests where you have to code a solution to problem(s) in some x number of minutes or hours. These questions range from coding merge sort to coding a recursive dynamic programming solution to some optimization problem. A lot of companies send these out to everyone and then resume screen, and some might resume screen and then send these out. I admittedly didn’t prepare too much for these, I got pretty lucky and knew how to do most of the problems based off of the years of practice I’d had already (turns out coding every day for like 3 years is actually really good practice already).

A couple companies skipped ahead to the first round phone interview stage. After the online assessments, I got a wave of several first round interview requests, which are usually over the phone for an hour. One of them was a Karat interview, which is some third party, unbiased interview company, and all I remember from this was trying gauge how I did from the body language of my interviewer’s tiny Zoom screen, and I could tell absolutely nothing. It was nerve-wracking. One phone interview lasted for 20 minutes out of the hour it was supposed to take, and I thought I had failed on the spot. I did actually leetcode in preparation for these problems, and most of them ended up being easy - medium questions, usually simple applications with tricky twists, like implementing certain data structures from scratch with O(1) runtime methods. Most of these were early-mid September, squeezed into hour-long breaks in my day.

Final Round Hell

After all these, I ended up moving forward in all of those interviews to the final round, which are usually series of 3-4 video interviews, back to back, usually technical in nature. I thought the one hour phone screens were rough, but this was a real test of stamina. This is also where timing got really tricky for me, because I was trying to time my interviews such that any offers I got would align together in as much of an overlapping window as possible, so that I could negotiate offers a lot easier and see all my options at once.

Preparation for this was also hell - it was a lot of Leetcoding, a lot of interview research online, a lot of going over my stories. I vary between three main stories for all the possible behavioral questions people could ask me: the nonprofit project Amplify that my friends and I worked on, my intro CS class final project, and my previous internship project. In the end though, it was a Lot of leetcoding, I learned so much about graphs and searches and backtracking and DP, I cannot even tell you. I haven’t thought about topological sort since 2017. And somehow, some way, it actually came up in one of my interviews, and WOW i knocked that one out of the park.

My Stripe final round was actually one of the first ones I had way back in mid-September. It was four interviews back to back, three technical, and one more behavioral. I remember feeling generally confident, but not 100% afterwards, mostly just exhausted. Most of my on-sites were in early-mid October - I think I had six days of final interviews over 2 weeks, so I was literally about to pass out at all times. I was really looking forward to travelling this semester too for final rounds (I would’ve gone to New York, Chicago, SF/Bay, Detroit ..... sad). I also had several calls with career centers, people from different companies, recruiters, other info sessions, etc. I started out wearing nice clothes, but in the end, it was over for me - I was in sweats and a tshirt. In this two week period, I was lucky enough to grab a few offers - my return offer, but also a few offers from other companies, including Stripe, whom, at this point, I had given up all hope on, since they told me in late September that they wouldn’t know whether they’d have a spot for me. I remember getting the call back while picnicking with my friends, absolutely shocked I was in the position that I was.

Decision Sweat

At the end of the day, from the places I interviewed with, I ended up getting official offers from 5 places (1 of them being my return offer), 1 tentative offer (I think they ghosted me though because my deadline was too soon), 1 ghost (again, my deadline was too soon so I think they gave up on me), and 1 reject (that one was a really rough interview).

Let me be clear - I hate decision making. I am really bad with any sort of decisions. This process was worse than my college application decision. I’ll make a separate post in about a month or so detailing why I made the decision I made to go to Stripe instead of back to Google, but broadly it was because I wanted to try something new and take risks. It was a really hard decision because my last internship was really awesome and I loved the team I worked on, but ultimately the lack of a guarantee of returning to that team and the allure of working at a new place was too much to overcome. I talked about this every day with my friends and family and mentors, I made a whole decision matrix, but at the end of the day, I did end up flipping a coin on Facetime. Stripe was tails, and the coin flipped tails, and then I screamed and went to sleep. so that was that

I really have to thank the people in my life for bearing with me during this period - I think I must’ve been really obnoxious with how much I was talking about it, but I’m glad that they were there to hear me out every time I flipped my decision. And more generally, my friends and family were the reason I got through MIT, and did all the cool things that I talked about in my interviews and pushed me to learn and strive for the best. And most importantly, they’re the ones who celebrate my interests and accomplishments and push me to try new things. [this whole blog post is one sappy rant about how much i love my friends and how they got me to where i am ok end rant end post]

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Amnesia (3/5)

Summary: He never thought he would ever see her again. Being divorced for 20 years, he hadn’t heard a thing from her after their last court date. When he got the call from a hospital in New York, telling him his ex-wife had been in an accident and only remembered being married to someone named Jordani, he couldn’t help but went back to see her. Even if that meant to relive the worst days of his life.

Paring: John Wick / OFC

A/N: Okay. I wanted to add another chapter to this, but as I wrote it, it felt like it wouldn’t fit in here. Maybe I’ll post this some time after I finish this. Thank you all for reading and comenting. I never thought this little story would be liked so much.

Masterlist

It was a week later when they finally settled into things. John brought Elle to therapy every two days and Doctor Miller gave his okay to continue telling Elle bits and pieces. Starting with technology of the 21st century. Today John would tell her everything about the internet. Elle still couldn’t remember anything. That was until today.

 “So, the internet.” She smirked, as she sat at the kitchen counter, watching John cook.

“Okay. Where to start. The internet is the source of all evil as it is now everywhere. You can access the internet from your phone.”

“From my phone?” Elle looked at him, like he was insane. John handed her his IPhone.

“That’s a phone? It looks like a mini TV?” She sceptically took the phone in her hands. As she picked it up, the screen showed a picture of John and Helen.

“I’m sure you somewhere got your own phone.” John looked up, and saw Elle looking down at the picture on his phone.

“I can’t even begin to understand, how weird this must be for you.” He said.

“It’s a little easier, because you don’t look the same, but still. Yes it’s weird. Seeing you so happy on all these pictures, makes me regret we didn’t take more when...”

“When we were married.” He finished, She nodded.

John continued to cut the vegetables into pieces, before he put them in a pan.

“Since when can you cook?” Elle asked him.

“I picked some stuff up, when we separated. Still never got close to your skills.”

“Well it smells delicious.”

“Let’s hope it tastes like something.” He winked.

 “You tell me, that Donald Trump is the President of the United States?” Elle asked as they watched the news. John had taken the last 3 hours to tell her everything he thought of she had to know.

“For at least another year.”

“Maybe the taxi should have hit me harder.” She groaned.

“Don’t joke about that.” John said.

“Sorry.” She whispered looking at him. They sat on opposite ends of Johns couch, Dog between them.

There was a commercial about Greece on the TV, when Elle said.

“I loved it in Santorini. I remember sitting on the beach by myself for hours until I had to get back to the hotel. Best vacation I ever had.”

She probably didn’t even think about what she said. John looked at her. She was still looking at the TV.

“When was that?” He asked.

“Uhm… Marc and I had broken up earlier that year, so 2014?” She looked from the TV to John, who looked surprised at her.

“What?” She asked.

“You remembered.” John said. Elle gasped.  She remembered.

“Oh my god. I do. I remember. I even remember the delayed flight on my way back. I remember the food. I remember…” She remembered Marc. Tears sprung to her eyes. She could feel her heart breaking all over again. Hugging herself tightly she tried to control her breathing. It felt like the months after they separated came back to her in one tiny moment, when she remembered Marc. His face. His laugh. His love. His betrayal. Him fucking her best friend. After 7 years together.

“Shhh.” Elle felt John’s arms around her, him sitting down beside her, almost pulling her onto his lap. Soothing he rubbed her back, until she calmed a little.

John had no idea what she remembered. He selfishly hoped it wasn’t what he thought. He enjoyed their time together to much.

“It hurts. It feels like they cheated me all over again.” Elle whispered, Tears still running down her face.

“Who did?” John asked softly, stroking her hair.

“Marc. I’ve been together with him for 7 years, before I found out he had been sleeping with my best friend.” She tried to focus on John’s heartbeat to stay calm.

“I’m so sorry Elle.” John whispered, trying to hold in the tears that formed in his eyes as well.

“If this hurts so much, I don’t want to know what happened between us. I never loved Marc as much as I do love you.” Elle murmured into his shirt.

“I’m so, so sorry, Elle.” John held her tighter, letting his tears flow.

 John woke up to the smell of pancakes. He couldn’t remember the last time he had pancakes.

Slowly he made his way down the stairs to find Elle cooking in his kitchen. The picture in front of him felt so right, that he had to take a deep breath before he sat down at the counter.

“Good morning.” He said, grabbing the mug of coffee Elle handed him.

“Good morning. I made pancakes.” She smiled.

“I can see that.” He smirked.

“Chocolate chip with peanut butter and bananas? Still your favourite?” She asked, taking a bite of the bacon, leaning with her hip at the counter, waiting for the pancakes to finish. This whole situation felt like he had jumped back in time. They used to spend their weekends exactly like that.

“Where on earth did you find chocolate chips in this kitchen?” He asked.

“In the cabinets? You actually have quite the collection of baking stuff.”

“Helen used to bake. Well she tried. I guess we never got rid of it.” He leaned back in his chair, drinking his coffee.

“How did you two meet?” Elle asked. John smiled at that question.

“I went to one of her exhibitions. She was a very talented photographer. She asked me, what I thought of this picture, because I was standing in front of it for a while and I told her, that I had been trying to find someone who worked there, so I could buy it. It’s the big photograph of the bridge in the hallway. I asked her out for dinner and we got married 6 months later.”

Elle packed the pancakes for John on a plate, and put the peanut butter on it.

“She sounds like an incredible person.”

“She was.” John smiled.

“You’re allowed to grieve, John. I know you think you need to take care of me, but as soon as I get the okay, I’m going to move back to my place. Well, if I remember where it is. What I’m trying to say is, please take care of yourself. You look like you could need a week of sleep.” She put the plate with the pancakes in front of him, sitting down next to him.

“Thank you, Elisabeth.” He said honestly.

“You’re very welcome Jardani.” She winked, before they ate their breakfast in silence.

 They spent the rest of the day mostly outside, walking with dog. John showed Elle the whole property and he had to promise to play tennis with her at some point.

“How come you got this house?” Elle asked, as they were walking by the lake.

“I wanted to get out of New York. If I have to work, I can stay there, but I wanted to be able to not see someone for days, if I wanted too, and still get outside. I guess I got old.” He laughed, throwing a stick for dog.

“I envy that. All I could manage is moving from Queens to Brooklyn. It was always a dream to move out of New York.”

“Do you remember your apartment?” John asked her.

“I do remember bits and pieces.”

“Do you remember anything more than what you did yesterday?” John threw the stick again.

“I dreamed something. But I’m not quite sure what to think of it.”

“What was it?”

“It was you. And Marcus.” She began. John sighed.

“You two were arguing in our living room in Queens. But I couldn’t hear what about. But I feel like this was the last time I saw him. I don’t know why.”

“It was the last time you saw him.” John told her.

“So it was a memory?”

“Yes. Yes it was.”

“What were you talking about?” She asked.

“I wanted to quit my job, but Marcus had already confirmed with our contractor.”

“Your job….” She said. “John I dreamed something else, but I thought it was only a dream.”

“What did you dream about?”

“We were out for dinner and there was this guy. He was speaking Russian and you told me to take cover and then there were gunshots.”

John remembered that night. It was a week after the day she lost her memories. It was the night he told her, what exactly he was doing for a living.

“After that we were in our living room and we were talking, but I woke up, before the conversation finished.” Elle looked at him. John had become quiet.

 “I told you that night that I work for the high table.” John said after a while. Elle tried to think. Something about that sounded familiar.

“You told me, that you got in there because of Marcus, right?” She asked. John nodded.

“He got me in there and I’m still not sure if I should be thankful for that.”

“So you’re still doing it?” She asked, stopping in her tracks. I can take better care of us if I do that. The words sounded in her head. I don’t want you to kill people, just so we can have a better life. Her voice.

 “Jar’ you can’t keep doing this. I wanted us to have a normal life. How do you even get in something like that?” Elle asked, standing in the window overlooking the busy street underneath their apartment in Queens.

“Marcus told me it was good money. And it is. But I want out. I told him that today. I want out of the High Table. I just have to finish this one thing, and then I’ll be out.”

He stood next to her, taking her hands into his. She looked at him. How could this sweet man be a killer?

“Promise me.” She demanded, looking at him. She loved him so much. She couldn’t stand the thought of losing him.

“I promise.”

 “John, are you still killing people?”

Taglist

@coolbreezeinkeanureeves

[betterdaysareatoenailaway]

An Ode to Payphones

    “Mommy, what’s that?”       I looked. A child was glaring suspiciously at the payphone I’d been using moments before. He looked to be six or seven-years old, so it shouldn’t have been surprising that he’d never seen or noticed a public telephone before, but still. The question, and the palpable disgust in his voice, made me feel old.      “That’s a payphone, honey.”      “What’s it for?”      The mother cast an apprehensive look my way. We were on the platform at Spadina station and she’d seen me on the phone, plugging my ear against the shattering noise of a subway pulling in, making arrangements to meet my heroin dealer John at our usual spot at Main and Danforth. I would have to call him again when I got there, either from one of the four payphones inside Main Street station or on one of the two phones outside the church at Danforth. The phones inside Main Station must have all been routed through one line, because they either all worked, or none did.

    As for the two phones outside the church at Main and Danforth, typically one was broken, but they both worked when I went to check them for this article, a miracle perhaps attributable to the Second Coming of Christ on the roof.

     There have been long spells throughout my life as an addict during which I’ve had no mobile phone. Every spare cent went to heroin. The longest such spell was nearly a year. Several spanned three or four months. So it’s safe to say I know the payphones of Toronto as well as anybody else.      One of my old heroin dealers lived near Roncesvalles and Howard Park, where a non-Bell phone sat outside the Meridian Bank on the northeast corner, crooked and somehow wounded looking.

     There’s no trace of it now, but I know there used to be one just north, on the other side of the street where Dundas splits eastward from Roncesvalles. I used to use it all the time. Luckily, there’s another one not twenty steps east, a Bell, just outside the bus stop east of the Starbucks at Dundas and Roncesvalles. I’ve fed that phone a lot of Loonies, cursing its curious inability to recognize nickels or dimes.

     My Roncesvalles dealer was notoriously unreliable, so I often found myself having to take the College car all the way across the city to its eastern terminus at Main Station. While waiting on that corner for John I would commiserate with my fellow drug users, many of whom lacked phones themselves.      The most popular complaint I heard was how hard it was getting to find a public phone. Apparently some neighbourhoods in Toronto are payphone deserts. You can walk for twenty minutes in any direction and not find one.       So I’m going to see how many phones there are within a five minute radius of my apartment. My guess would be at least eight. Maybe ten. I’m about to get evicted, but I’ve lived in Kensington Market at Nassau and Bellevue since February 2017, which is a veritable payphone oasis. It’s too cold to go out tonight, so I’m going to take a virtual tour of my neighbourhood and take screenshots of every phone I find from Google Street View. Yes, the photos look pretty lo-fi but my whole life is lo-fi, so sue me.      Here’s a no-name one just north of Dundas on Bathurst: 

Here’s one just south of Oxford on Augusta: 

There are two Bell phones just outside Nirvana, across from Sneaky Dee’s:

There’s one outside the church one block east of Bathurst at Lippincot and College:

Here’s another no-name phone one block west of Spadina on the south side of College: 

And here’s a bank of payphones outside the internet cafe at Spadina and College:

     All three of the above phones never work at the same time, and some days you’re lucky to find one operational. (Incidentally, if someone ever reads this post a century from now, or maybe I mean a decade, or maybe I mean reads this post at all, I wonder how quaint the term “payphones outside the internet cafe” will seem.)      Here’s one more non-Bell phone, just to the west of the Scotiabank on the northwest corner of Dundas and Spadina. This phone has great personal significance for me, for a reason I can’t get into. Let’s just say I made a phone call on it during a very memorable moment in my life:

     For those of you not counting, that’s ten phones all within a five minute walk of my apartment in Kensington. There are another three are in the lobby of Toronto Western Hospital, for thirteen total. Thirteen is a lot more than I expected. Especially in 2020. And I’m sure I’m missing a few. Maybe payphones aren’t as endangered as they seem. In fact, as I was taking the photograph at the top of this post, a woman came over to me and asked, “are you using the phone?”     So they definitely still serve a purpose. They wouldn’t still be there if nobody was using them. A capitalist venture like Bell doesn’t keep phones around because the CEO is nostalgic. I’m kind of relieved at how many there still are, and how vital they still seem to be.       Still, I have mixed feelings toward payphones. They annoy me, but I also like them for reasons I can’t explain. I like invisible infrastructure. Nobody notices payphones. Ask yourself where the nearest payphone is. Do you even know? They may be forgotten or disliked, but they’re dependable, standing tall at their lonely outposts through sleet and rain, day and night, as we cuddle up with our smartphones in the warmth of our homes. We’ve left payphones out in the cold and most of us don’t even miss them.      I have a mobile phone now, but I still miss payphones. Or maybe I miss the days when they were a normal way to communicate, phone books slung around their waists, swinging on a chain. (Some time in the last decade, phone companies must have got tired of replacing the books nobody ever used and just got rid of them entirely. I guess they figured we could look up the numbers we need on...our mobile phones?)      Yes, there’s a definite note of nostalgia among people who still use payphones. We’re all bitter about the great price jump of 2007, when calls went from twenty-five cents to fifty, an increase of one-hundred percent. If you’re of my generation, old enough to remember life before the internet, then you know that payphones are sad remainders of the technology we grew up with, a visible reminder of the 90s. It’s my firm belief that everybody suffers from chronic temporal sickness for the decade they grew up in. I can imagine a day when they only exist in museums and photographs. Maybe I’ll go to watch the last phone get decommissioned. Maybe I’ll only love payphones once I can never use one again, like the Once-ler becoming an environmentalist only after hearing the “thwack” that felled the last Truffula tree in Dr. Suess’ The Lorax.      I feel this way even though payphones are often more a hassle than a convenience. I once spent half an hour outside the Eaton Centre on Queen Street waiting for a woman to finish her conversation, only to find the phone broken when she finally hung up. Her wild gesticulations should have tipped me off that she’d been screaming at a phantom, but I was too dopesick to notice.        There were and are other cons to payphone usage. It wasn’t always easy to come up with the necessary exact change. Or sometimes you’d have exact change but the phone wouldn’t recognize one of your coins. For whatever reason, payphones have a really hard time reading dimes. Many times I’ve had just enough to make one call but the phone won’t cooperate and I’ve had to throw myself at the mercy of a local convenience store owner or random bystander. Maybe “can I use your phone?” was an innocuous question back in the day, but nowadays people immediately suspect you for asking and they really, really do not want to loan you their phone. I don’t blame them. Our phones contain our entire lives. It’s not the same as handing someone a few quarters.       Despite all the long list of cons, there remains among my fellow payphone users a keen sense of loss. We’re all grieving something indefinable, something that went away with the advent of mobile phones. And I’m not leading up to a gripe about “kids these days on their phones.” As an avid reader, I usually bury my nose in a book when I’m on transit, so I don’t beseech people to “live in the moment” when they’re sitting on a bus. Being a passenger on the TTC for the thousandth time isn’t something that requires one’s undivided attention. I only get annoyed when I see some guy – and it’s always a guy – staggering down the sidewalk with his eyes glued to his phone, walking into people. Or walking into traffic. The feelings of wistfulness among payphone users grows more acute as the years roll on and more and more public telephones are yanked from their moorings, never to return. The sense of loss sometimes manifests itself in the passing down of legend.      When I first heard the story, it was that there exists somewhere in the city of Toronto a payphone that still makes calls for a quarter. I was convinced it was the one just east of University on Dundas, south side of the street, just east of the Royal Bank. It just looks so fucking furtive. Like it’s hiding from the tourist hordes at Yonge and Dundas square, tucked around that corner:

     I went to check that phone for this article but it doesn’t work at all, much less for half price.      In an apt game of telephone about telephones, the legend grew. Only a few months after I first heard the Legend of the Half-Price Payphone, the story had morphed into a unicorn payphone that makes calls for free. People were arguing over which one it could be, though admittedly nobody had ever found it. It was like the leprechaun’s pot of gold.      “It’s the one outside the mall at Kingston and Midland. The one with the Scotiabank!”      “Naw it’s the payphone at Warden Station! Next to the donut shop!”      “It’s the one at Yonge and Charles!”      “What? They took that one out before 9/11.”      “It’s the one in Yorkdale near the GO Station!”      “Seriously bro. Pre-9/11. You’re memory is fucked, bro.”      “My cousin’s in the Hell’s Angels. He can sell you a burner for $5. Why use a payphone when you can get a…”       “No one cares about your cousin, Dwight.”      “Pre-9/11 bro. Seriously. Yonge and Charles? Christ!”       And on and on and on, into the night.       I have a mobile phone now and it’s hard to imagine I’ll ever go back.       The final straw came when I had to go up to Muskoka one summer for four days to work on a cottage. I missed my partner so much by the third day that I walked up and down the length of the lake, looking for a payphone. I probably had a better chance of spotting a lion, but there was no way I was going back to that cottage without talking to my wife. I missed her too fucking much.       At the end of the lake I spotted a house with the garage door wide open. Inside the garage there was a workbench, a fridge, and all sorts of tools. On a hunch, I quietly made my way up the gravel driveway. There wasn’t a human being in sight. Inside the garage, I spotted a wall-mounted phone, and called my wife. She didn’t answer but I left her a message. As I was leaving it I heard footsteps and before I could make myself scarce an elderly lady came around the corner and stared at me. She obviously lived there.       “Um. I was just…leaving,” I said, hanging up the phone and sheepishly skipping back to the main road as fast as I could. The woman frowned after me, watching me go.       A little further down the road I saw an electrician working on a house and asked to use his phone. He said yes and I finally got through to my wife. But I couldn’t talk long or say what I wanted to say because the electrician was staring at me, so I determined right there and then to get and keep a fucking phone of my own. And that’s what I did. I sometimes pay my bill late and find myself cast backward into the land of payphones and useless dimes, but for the most part I’ve joined the 21st century.      As for that mother and her child, the mother did her best, to her credit.              “Some people…can’t afford cell phones,” she informed her son, who looked bored already. “Or else they can’t get coverage on the subway, so they use one of these. Or in emergencies, they work for emergencies.”       “What kind of person can’t afford a phone?” the child brayed incredulously.       The mother looked embarrassed. I wasn’t. Let her stupid kid hate payphones and poor people. Most people do.      I rarely use payphones now but I still get a small shiver of curiosity when I pass one I haven’t seen before, wondering if it’s the legendary free one. The unicorn. The white whale of public telephones. So I check. And I hear “please insert fifty cents” from the robotic lady voice that rules payphone land.      Then I move on.

[milatherese]

Update No. 5 (*cue Mambo No. 5*) – 90 Days, School, Discernment (just a lil bit)

Note #1: This update is long. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Note #2: If you don’t know Mambo No. 5, you need to listen to it (even though the lyrics may be morally wrong, it is quite catchy).

“How was the 90 day journey of a tiny bit of asceticism?” you ask. (nobody cares but I’m pretending you do haha)

That’s a question I still ask myself several days later. 90 days is a lot to process. Therefore, I have included my short answer to this question here: – It was a bit hard in the beginning but got easier as the days went by – I especially enjoyed the no social media / limited communication – I hated cold showers, actually gave it up by the end of the first month or so because it did more harm than good (imo)

The beginning was a little rough, but about as good as sacrifice gets. (you can read my thoughts on that here, here, and here) About a month in, I couldn’t cope, at least physically. I ended up just doing what I felt I was strong enough to do.

January was a little rough. Ever since school started, I had headaches every day (including non-school days). (If you’re wondering why I never shared this with you and why I hid my pain, it was because I didn’t want you to worry.)

At first the headaches were tolerable. I could get through a 12-hour day with minimal pain. They got increasingly worse. I began taking Tylenol according to the recommended dosage (1-2 tablets every 4-6 hours). I didn’t take Tylenol every other day (I try to avoid medicine, if possible) but I eventually “graduated” to taking the extra strength Tylenol, also according to the recommended dosage. Eventually, the headaches began to impact my studying. I had limited time to study (I had to time my studying during the lesser painful waves of my headaches). I was so worried for one class that I spent all my time studying for that one class during lecture of another difficult class (I figured I could bring up my grade in the second class later). Despite my high of level of unpreparedness, I was looking forward to taking the exams for both classes. I thought my headaches were the result of stressing over those two classes. Unfortunately, taking the exams for those classes didn’t end the headaches. In fact, they may have increased the pain.

My headaches soon became unbearable. I couldn’t hide the pain any longer. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t eat out of fear that I would only make the pain worse. I was in tears from the pain. Massaging my head and using an ice pack didn’t reduce the pain. I wanted to rip my head off to get rid of the pain once and for all.

At this time, I decided it was time to begin thinking about seeing the doctor about this. (Yes, I should have already gone to the doctor but my pain isn’t really a concern to me.) I decided that I would go to the doctor if the headaches persist for another week.

The pain was at its absolute worst one Saturday. I had to call in sick for work (we had an event – which I was really looking forward to, btw). I spent the day crying from the pain (at this point, my body wasn’t really responding to Tylenol). Finally, the physical pain began to affect my mental health. I was trying to figure out the root cause of the pain. I began questioning all my decisions – transferring high schools, transferring universities, not applying to a certain community, leaving relationships, etc. I was wondering if this was some sort of a punishment for making the “wrong” decision (which I later learned is no such thing, more on this another day). I felt so lost and alone. I was wondering if this was a taste of what Mother St. Teresa described as a “long dark night.” (I referenced this before in my last update but I just can’t get her long dark night out of my head.) I eventually cried myself to sleep and slept the rest of the day until 2am the next day.

When I woke, I noticed the pain had disappeared and, with it, the emotional rollercoaster I was going through earlier. I was able to get some rest from the physical and emotional pain and my mind was finally functioning as it normally would – quiet and able to think logically. It was clear that my pain was not for torment but for me to focus on something more important than the pain itself. I decided to pray the Rosary for it had been several weeks since I had been able to pray the Rosary without distractions (I would either fall asleep or be distracted by the headache or my studies). I prayed God would help me discern what He wanted me to tend to. I felt that I should prayerfully consider my career path now that I was away from outside influences.

I began reflecting on my semester thus far. There was one day that my mom visited campus and overheard some girls complimenting and encouraging each other. She told me, “I want you to be in whatever major they’re in. They seem happy. You don’t.” At the time, I was too stubborn to see that my happiness was just a mask I put on to “be strong.” I remembered writing pre-labs and post-labs but barely understanding the material, only understanding the grammar necessary to produce acceptable scholarly work. I recalled being so stressed that I was rude to the whole world (except for work) to the point that my mom exclaimed, “Who are you? You’re not human anymore!”  She was right – I wasn’t myself.  That woke me up. I thought, “What good is my major if it only brings out the worst in me?” In prayer, felt called to pursue another career instead of MD/DO. I still don’t know what career exactly, but I’m trusting that my time studying and preparing for MD/DO will help me in my calling.

That Sunday, I informed my parents and one trusted relative of my decision to change majors and they were overjoyed. (My uncle seemed to have already known in the beginning that I would leave the MD/DO path, but wanted me to come to that decision myself.)

So, I changed majors back to Allied Health, B.S.

I met with my academic advisor (not the one who screwed me over, for any of those who know the story) and we came up with a school plan. Estimated graduation date was Fall 2021.

I dealt with this change as best I could and things were on the up and up…until it wasn’t.

Early February, I learned that a close priest friend had passed away, just 3 days shy of his birthday. I had been looking forward to his birthday (not that I would be with celebrating with him, just happy he would be celebrating another year) so hearing the news was devastating. He was like an uncle to me. To quote what I said at a memorial, he was “a great friend, a big brother, a father figure, a very holy man, a man for others.” (There’s so much I can say on him but I’ll leave that for another post) The first day, I seemed okay. Minimal feelings of sadness. It hadn’t hit me yet. It hit me the very next day. And it hit hard and long. I was crying everywhere I went whenever I was away from family and friends. Some days were harder than others (my supervisor sent me home early to give me time to grieve). I was going through so many emotions. I was frustrated that I was taking so long to grieve (I later learned that grief has no time limit) and annoyed that I did not feel comfortable talking to my family or friends about it. I had faced loss before (when Bro. Morgan passed away), but never anything as devastating as this. I did not know how to cope with grief. I struggled to stay focused during class (actually broke down in tears at least during one class each day) and to finish my work (skipped out on a staff meeting due to waterworks). I cancelled a couple meetings and called in sick to group therapy twice. I distanced myself from the world and those who love[d] me. Unfortunately, all this affected my studies once again. Despite my lighter load, I could not concentrate. I did not think of sharing all this with my professors as I felt like they wouldn’t understand (or maybe I was just being stubborn again?)

It came time for RECongress and I held it together (somewhat…more on that on another post). It was that Friday that I was able to study without getting distracted by grief. I had an exam the following Monday. But one day of studying 3+ weeks of material was not enough to pass the exam. So there went that.

February went by with each day bleeding into the next. Each day was a blur until one blessed night.

My brother had arrived home late from school one day and as he was pulling into our driveway (why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways) a beautiful dog approached him. I won’t go into details but the dog is now ours and has been the biggest blessing this semester, especially in helping our family cope with grief. We believe (as do others) that Father Suarez sent her to us.

Come March and April, things were finally on the up and up again. I was studying every day and keeping up with work. But then quarantine hit and things went downhill yet again. I did become more active on this blog since March 16th but inside I was deteriorating. However, it wasn’t as detrimental as January and February. Let’s just say that I learned the house is not conducive to studying, I may need a new prescription for glasses, and we need to find better internet (or move to a place with better cell signal). I failed a final due to failed internet connection (thanks be to God I got another shot at it). I took my two other finals in the car in the parking lot in front of Starbucks.

Quarantine has been the best and the worst for me. I realized that spiritually, I was thirsty. Thirsty for God. I live-streamed Mass and adoration daily and at odd hours, even doing homework and studying “with God.” The more things I had to do, the more I felt the need to “hang” with God (which, in retrospect, may have been a bad decision because I ended up procrastinating and losing a lot of sleep). I learned to value receiving the sacraments in-person now. I’m more aware of when I sin or am near sin. It has also reignited the flame of faith. I’ve been doing a lot more spiritual reading, especially now that APU semester is over (still have one class at a JC).

Despite this, discernment got a bit murky. I began questioning my vocation and doing a lot more “reality checks” (and a lot more second-guessing). Frankly, I don’t think I would survive living in a community of all women since all my close friends are men. (Or is that an excuse I am making for myself?) I don’t think I would make a great mother either so perhaps I’m meant to be single? (Or am I just a harsh critic of myself and I would actually be a great mother?) I had not really spoken to my spiritual director in months (transportation and schedule issues, both on my part).

A priest I met at RECongress learned I was discerning religious life (if you didn’t know this, I hope this isn’t a surprise) and asked me to email him as soon as possible in case I need guidance. I didn’t email him until April 1st so that may have contributed to my overthinking. He replied a couple weeks later (and I replied a couple days after that and am still awaiting a response). I asked God for “another sign, for some clarity” and He gave me another. However, everything still looks murky to me. I feel both consolation and desolation at the same time. I might be facing another identity crisis like last semester. Aye.

Ok this is way longer than I had planned so I’m just gonna stop right here.

If you read this far, thank you for reading. If you relate to anything I shared, I hope you know that you’re not alone and that if you ever need anything (even if it’s just a listening ear), I’ll do my best to help. Just ask. (And if you need something but I haven’t replied in a long time, just reach out again. I forget to reply to messages quite often.)

[matinjapan]

He really wanted a felafel in his hand

It has been a while. Three, four weeks since my last blog? I would’ve thought I’d be a tad more prolific with the writing in a once-every-century type quarantine. But, no.

Instead of writing, I’ve spent a huge proportion of my time scrolling through countless streams of corona related whathaveyou’s. Some of it pretty useful, most of it less so. And then the usual smattering of (mostly) drivel on social media. Occasionally funny drivel, but still drivel.

In terms of useful sources for corona, poker players are the unique standout.

I used to play a lot of poker. And the last two weekends just gone, I’ve caught up with some friends via video call to play. Nothing serious. More of an excuse to shoot the shit than anything. To be honest, it’s actually not the best way to catch up. Too much time spent transfixed on the cards.

Anyway, thoughts of poker led me to log back on to a poker forum that I used to visit on the regular.  There’s a lot of content geared towards poker (obviously), but there are subforums about all manner of topics. Business, finance and investing is one such subforum. Within that, a few of the regular contributors have created a coronavirus thread.

And basically, it’s easily the best synopsis of everything that’s going on that I’ve found. The posts from as far back as January have turned out to be super prescient, and it’s now my go to fix for a running commentary.

It’s definitely not all good; there’s still plenty of chaff to wade through. And it has exploded into dumb partisan arguments at multiple points. But the nuggets of gold (from a few key individuals) are worth the wade. Kind of ridiculous that I’m writing about an internet forum; speaks to just how bleh the world is right now. Ha.

Speaking to that bleh’ness, and in addition to my (metaphorical) inhalation of coronavirus, I’ve now been working from home for three weeks. Haven’t caught a train in that entire time, which is kind of unheard of, living in Tokyo. It has just been a case of going for walks, going for runs, and slowly going insane in my thirty square metre apartment.

Not really. I’m actually holding up fine.

For all the mayhem, Japan isn’t actually in any sort of lock down yet, either. Not officially, anyway. In the last week, a state of emergency was declared for major metropolitan areas. But it’s nowhere as imposing as what’s in place in other places in the world. The SoE essentially recommends that people stay at home, rather than enforcing that people stay at home. Crazy thing is that with Japanese culture being the way it is, the recommendation actually (kind of) works.

The effect of the recommendation was definitely in plain sight on Friday night. I had spent almost the entire day at home, but decided to head out around 830 to get some fresh air and felafel. I was really craving it for some reason. Possibly because I had alternated pesto pasta and shitty stir fry for the previous five nights. I could’ve definitely pursued a delivery option, but I decided to risk death and walk and get takeaway.

I left my apartment and headed into Shibuya proper at about 830. And the place was apocalyptic. I don’t think those normally packed streets would have been that empty for at least a few centuries. Super eery to see unlit neon signs, random bits of trash blowing through the streets (it was pretty windy), and only a scant few other people like myself, wandering around.

I went to turn back multiple times from just how weird the vibe was, but I was also really craving falafel so I pushed on (knowing that it was almost certainly closed). Some restaurants were open, but they were the exception. And they certainly weren’t cashing in on the swathes of pent up demand; they were all effectively empty.

Anyway, when I finally made it to the complex where the felafel place was, the whole building was shuttered. A big part of me was kind of relieved. I felt guilty for even going out in the first place (for something pretty trivial). Also, I didn’t actually want to have to go through the torment of touching a public door handle. Ha.

Sans falafel, I instead made do with a bowl of microwave soba from Family Mart. And the best thing: automatic doors. I’m really looking forward to the day that I’m not this comically paranoid.

Apart from poker and felafel, what else has been going on?

Well, I got rid of almost all my furniture. And that includes my (former) bed. I now just sleep on the floor on a pretty thin futon. And when I say removed, I ended up replacing the multiple items with a table and seat. So it was really a consolidation. It’s now a lot more minimal. Just need a plant or two, but I might wait until the whole SoE situation passes before heading out to the shops.

Oh, and I now have a chin up bar that takes up the entirety of the middle of my loungeroom. The intention is to attain some sort of climbing fitness while locked up. Will see how I go.

Always more that I could say, but will leave it there for now.

Sayonara.

[psycho-slytherin]

Strangers ch. 32

You’re photographed with Yoongi, and your boss gives you an ultimatum.

Pairing: Yoongi x (female) Reader

Word count:

Genre: fluff, angst

|mlist|

<–– Prev   Next ––>

“It’s everywhere.”

“Of course it is. It was perfect. I’m sure they’re proud of you.”

“All thanks to you! What’s the next step?”

“Oh, we sit back and watch it unravel. Watch her unravel. And I can’t wait.”

~~~

This is something you never thought you’d see, and you wish for the thousandth time that you had drowned– anything’s better than this.

“What do I do?” You had asked Lisa desperately mere hours earlier.

“Besides apologize for ditching me after nearly dying last night?” your friend wondered aloud.

“Lisa!”

“Alright, alright! Manager Mode Activated. Look, this is bad. What should you do? Well...” Lisa paused. “It’s out of your hands by this point– You should brace yourself.”

“Some manager you are.”

“I’m not a magician, y/n. This sort of publicity is gonna bite you in the ass, and soon.”

She was right– and now, Bang Si-Hyuk, BTS’s producer, is in front of you, standing beside Avery, your director, and both of them look so, so tired of life.

Yoongi is sitting beside you, staring at his lap, and you’re tensed and waiting for... what? To be reprimanded? Fired? Blacklisted? Of the two of you, you’re the easiest to replace, but Yoongi, Yoongi– he has the most to lose.

You did this. You befriended Yoongi. Talked to him. Made a safe space in a dangerously public view. You ruined him.

Bang PD sighs. “Miss Lee, want to start?”

With a start you realize he’s referring to Avery, who fixes you with a stare.

“Y/n, care to explain what happened last night?”

Why me? “We were just talking.”

“You were just talking. At two in the morning. When you were supposed to be in the hospital. You were across town from your address, and even farther from Yoongi’s,” Avery fires back, ticking off points on her fingers. “This photo is everywhere now, and tracking down the original post is nearly impossible. I’m sorry, you two, but do you understand what this looks like?”

Cheeks burning with shame, you nod. You’ve seen the picture– Lisa sent it to your computer, and it’s dark and grainy, but Yoongi’s not wearing his mask; it’s definitely him. As an ARMY, you’d recognize him anywhere.

And you... your back is turned, because Yoongi’s hugging you. You can barely see your own face. How did your name get mentioned? According to Lisa, who logged into your Twitter because your phone’s at the bottom of a river, hundreds of posts have tagged you in the photo already– likely due to the fact that you’re professionally involved with him.

“It looks bad,” Avery continues. “You’ve set the Internet abuzz– #YoongiAndYn has been trending for hours. Your scenes for Moon Over the Sea have been delayed, and we have to work around your characters today.”

“Not to mention we’re in the middle of setting dates for BTS’s comeback tour,” Bang PD interjects. “If fans start boycotting Yoongi because of this, it’ll be a disaster for the whole group.”

Your eyes well up with tears. This is exactly what you were trying to avoid– for the time that you’ve known Yoongi, you’ve kept your treasured friendship under wraps with the fear that something like this would happen. Yoongi will be ruined, and BTS too, and all ‘cause of you.

“I-I’m sorry,” you stammer, struggling to keep your voice from breaking. You suddenly feel very small. “I didn’t mean to–”

“Really?” Bang PD takes a step closer, and you shrink into your chair. “I don’t know if you understand, miss y/n. Min Yoongi as Suga is a member of the biggest boy band in the world. And there are a lot of fans who'd like to date him. Many of those fans pretend to date him and would like to see him single.”

I know, you silently scream. I know them. I was one of them.

“So here you are, causing all sorts of rumors– ‘BTS Suga sneaks out with a costar’, ‘How did l/n y/n rise to fame so quickly?’ ‘Is Suga lying to ARMY?’ This sort of stuff sticks, y/n. And not meaning to isn’t a very helpful excuse.”

“I-I didn’t know it would go this far,” you mutter, avoiding his eyes.

“What do you mean? Wait, are you dating?” Avery asks suspiciously, and you shake your head. He means more to me than a boyfriend.

“We’re not dating,” you clarify audibly. “I just...” wanted to apologize, wanted to make sure I was really alive. “I just wanted to say hi.”

“Then you’re a liability,” Avery says drily, and your heart stops as she continues. “Dating rumors are already spreading. Whether we deny them or ignore them, fans won’t be happy seeing you act together on Moon Over the Sea. And, y/n, unfortunately Yoongi is worth a lot more than you. Maybe it’s better if–”

“It’s my fault,” Yoongi interrupts, speaking for the first time that day. “We’re just friends, and we hang out at that spot sometimes. I started it– y/n didn’t do anything.”

Bang PD’s face turns several shades of red. “Are you telling me this isn’t the first time you’ve got out in public to meet this girl? How long has this been going on?”

You grit your teeth– time to lie. It’s only been a few weeks, you’ll say, only after you met on the music video shoot, and during Moon Over the Sea filming. You take a breath to speak, but-

“About a year,” Yoongi replies calmly. “But I often went out alone before I met her.”

Oh, no.

“Yoongs,” you hiss. “You’re making things worse.” Leave it to me, you beg with your eyes. I’m the liar. Let me fix this.

He turns towards you, his gaze hard, as though he’s read your mind. “No more lies, y/n. I’m done with secrets.” Turning back to Avery and Bang PD, he continues: “I don’t regret being friends with y/n. But that’s all we are. I know how much I’m worth, and if you want to remove me from BTS, that’s your prerogative,” he says, trapping his producer with an iron stare before looking at Avery. “Same with Moon Over the Sea. Want to fire me? Go ahead.”

“Yoongi, no!” you whisper furiously, but he ignores you, practically shaking with resolve.

“But don’t fire y/n. Don’t remove her from the industry. She’s a great actress with a lot of potential. None of this was her fault, and you don’t get to ruin her future. Not for a photo, not for anything.”

“Hey, stop,” you plead. “I knew what I was getting into. It’s okay, really.” You’ve accepted it a thousand times over– when you first befriended him, when you saw him at the fanmeet, when you worked on the music video, and every moment in between. You knew it could all crumble at any second, but you also knew that it was worth it.

“It’s not okay. And one more thing,” Yoongi replies, rising to his feet. Despite his average stature, it suddenly seems as though he’s towering over Avery and Bang PD, who look very pale. “Get rid of y/n, and I’m gone.”

What.

“I mean it. When and if her work is unsatisfactory, then maybe I’ll rethink it. But if it’s because of me, and this scandal– if you fire her for this, I’ll leave Moon Over the Sea. And BTS.”

“Excuse me?” Bang PD roars. “We have a contract, Min Yoongi!” His voice turns softer. “You know how much I’ve enjoyed working with you– don’t let this girl ruin that.”

“She’s got a name, you know,” Yoongi says furiously, and you can’t stay silent anymore.

“What are you doing?” You jump to your feet and grasp his arm. “Shut up. Please shut up. You can’t throw your future around like that, Yoongs! I don’t matter, okay? You do!”

Please, you plead inwardly. Don’t add more weight to my conscience.

“No. We do this together, or not at all,” Yoongi replies, eyes burning with intensity. You’ve never heard him speak this way before, and it’s left you reeling.

“Hm...” Bang PD scratches his head, staring at you thoughtfully. “Miss Lee, may I have a word?”

Avery inclines her head, and you and Yoongi step back as the two authority figures whisper back and forth.

“You need to apologize,” you tell him urgently. “Say you didn’t mean it. C’mon, there’s too much on the line.”

“If she fires you, you’re going to lose more than an acting job,” Yoongi says, ignoring you. “I’ve seen this happen to my idol friends, and their significant others– you’re going to lose everything. Some of my fans won’t leave you alone.”

They already don’t.

“But you can’t threaten your boss, Yoongs– what you said was ridiculous. I’m not worth it, you know that.”

Yoongi laughs softly. “Is that what you think?”

“What?”

“Yoongi, y/n,” Avery calls. “We might have a solution.”

“If you want to keep working together, it could be your best option.” Bang PD adds.

“What is it?” Yoongi asks.

“Well, the only way to explain the photo, brush off fans, and keep filming going, with the least loss for BTS, would be if you two were... dating.”

[snarkandsarcasmftw]

8, 20, 42, 50

Oh yay! Thank you!

8. Favorite trope to write.

I bet you think you KNOW what I’m going to say here, right? Well, I do love writing alpha x omega, but.. I’m getting to this point where like.. I truly enjoy writing the whole “i’m your best friend but i secretly love you” friends to lovers tropes. I mean not only that, but if I’m being perfectly honest, I’m just not that great at writing alpha x omega despite all attempts. I enjoy doing it, I just feel like I can do better with friends to lovers. So, I’m gonna say friends to lovers.

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

Meep! Okay, so like.. I mentioned this idea to you last night in DM’s and I’ve been kinda... Idk, toying with it today while jumping back and forth between other docs and so far, this is probs the juciest part of that ‘love at first sight uuuber mushy’ Jungle Boy thing I’m writing. 

“Bianca Rose!” her sister was calling out her name and Bianca bit her lip, grumbling quietly under her breath as her cheeks heated even more in a blush. “I swear, just because she’s 32 and I’m only 20.. She acts like my mom. It’s annoying.” Bianca wanted to kick herself because there she went, babbling like some stupid idiot. She fell quiet, gazing up at him instead. The wind blew some of those wild curls into his mouth and giving a soft giggle, she reached out before she could even stop herself and smoothed the curls behind his ear, muttering a quiet and sheepish apology. 

Jungle Boy chuckled and nodded. “ It’s okay, you’re good. I’m Jack, by the way.” he introduced himself. For a second or two, he considered attempting a Janela type smooth line where he pointed out the irony in their names and the fact that they were on a cruise, but he refused to go that route, fairly sure it would be ana awkward fail on his part.

42.How do you figure out your characters looks, personality, etc.

Sometimes the character comes to me before anything else and insists on being used. And that’s usually triggered by seeing a random picture of someone on the internet or I hear a song or something and an image kind of comes from that, or I’m writing and keep trying to write a character one way but I keep hitting walls while doing it until I try a different way and it works. I feel like this is rambly and makes zero sense. Basically, I kind of just let them figure themselves out as I write them. Which is both fun and frustrating as fuck.

50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

Ahhhh. this is actually a needed question because maybe if I get it out of me it will leave me alone. This is just one of many that have been tormenting me lately but I refuse to sit down and plan them out bc I know I’d never do them well.

Okay, so like... I’ve wanted to write something using wrestlers that’s not a wrestling centered fic at all. I cannot remember where I got the idea, but anyway.. Character A ( the oc) is basically promised to one guy, we’ll call him B (Usually Jay White)  and has to marry him. Idk why ( i get the feeling it has something to do with money and power and merging families to build a powerful alliance), but yeah. The problem here is that she’s in love with Character C ( the end game pairing for her and more often than not when I think of this, it’s Hangman) and they’ve been sneaking around for literally years. Well, Character B ( usually Switchblade bc the feud with him and Hangman) catches on to it and he tries to set a trap. He also has people trying to get rid of Character C, so subsequently, Character C and a PREGNANT character A wind up going on the run... And settling down in this town in the middle of nowhere, changing their names / identities building a whole new life together with each other... I really haven’t given it much thought beyond this initial idea, but idk if I’ll ever write it either, because I feel like so many have already done this and done it a thousand times better that I’d probably fuck it up somehow. No, I’d definitely fuck it up somehow.

[tifu-today-i-fucked-up]

TIFU by taking 60 times the recommended dosage f edibles and needing to call an ambulance

Obligatory this happened last weekend. TL;DR at bottom.

ACT 1: The Come Up

So, a bit of backstory. I'm on Setraline, an antidepressant, but still have frequent spells of depression and suicidal thoughts. In a recent episode, I really needed an escape that crying into my pillow didn't fufill. My biggest fuckup is here, ordering edibles from a friend we'll call Mike. Mike is a stoner, a big one at that. He smokes on a daily basis and was my plug for some edibles, namely "High Chews." They're these little sour gummy bears that taste a little off but contain 10 mg of THC a piece. Not bad, not at all. As Mike told me, the biggest mistake you can make on edibles is taking more after not thinking the last ones hit. Understandable, I'll be responsible. He pulls up, I give him $50 ($40 for the bag, $10 tip), and that's that. Quiet night in suburban Texas, yeah? Nah, nah. The internet recommend 5mg as a starting dose. Mike recommended 20mg, or two gummy bears. I took two and felt almost nothing. Another thing you need to know is that I'm fat. I'm 17, 6'2, and about 240 lbs. THC is stored in the fat, so it took a while to hit. Apparently it was still hitting when I woke up and made me act stupid. In that stupidity, I decided to step it up, taking 60 mg. That's where I fucked up, right there.

ACT 2: The Overdose

The 60mg hits and I remember being fascinated that my hand was purple when it just... wasn't. I felt like I was a robot, tracking objects with my eyes as I walked. It was fun until about an hour afterwards when the post-peak paranoia set in. Scared that my incredible and super accepting parents would find out, I had to get rid of the rest. How? Eating them. What a dumbass. For those unaware, that bag had 300mg of THC total, 60x the recommended starting dosage for first-timers. In my paranoia, I tried to throw the bag in the sewer, but the wind blew it back. I percieved this as a force field, got scared, and went back inside. I ripped it into pieces with my teeth and flushed each individual plastic strip. Noticing my disoriented mindset, I decided to lay down in my bed. Imediatly, Mike texted me asking how I was doing. Apparently, I texted "Bad BAd bad." He walked me through until I couldn't really read. I felt small pulls and twitches in every direction and was so damn cold. I knew this would be bad. I kept seeing racing in my mind around geometric shapes and knew I needed 911.

ACT 3: The Comedown

I focused and called them, my parents coming in with the paramedics. All I remember is one of the EMTs looked like a 90's superhero with a really cool red moustache perfectly curled. They took my vitals and deemed I needed to ride it out. I felt awful but my parents, the incredible people they are, supplied me with food and medicine to help me with what became a 48 hour stupour lasting the whole weekend and half of Monday, a day on which I had my AP Bio final exam which I totally passed by the way. They were amazing and I can't thank them enough. During this time, I was recorded as having said that I felt like I was in a painting and calling myself stupid in my sleep. I felt awful but powered through with the help of the two best people I know, a heater, and HEB TV Dinners. Generic brand, of course. We discussed a lot and they didn't blame me after explaining my motives. Now, we're all good and it's essentially a big running joke, as well as a life lesson.

TL;DR - Took 300mg of edibles as a first timer, freaked out, called 911, and learned to trust my parents on the whole drugs thing.

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