#my inner monologue just going 'wow everything is soooo great! die!'
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AAAAAAND IT'S HEADACHE WITH THE STEEL CHAIR
#i am going to finish my schoolwork and play stardew valley i am going to finish my schoolwork an play stardew valley I AM GOING TO-#currently i have a bad cold and i'm running on like 3 hours of sleep and i am trying not to feed into the manic episode#i was veeeeeeery manic yesterday lmao#the great thing is i can manage one disorder with the other LMAO out here rocking and hand waving to make myself normal long enough#to fucking RETOPOLOGIZE this fucking SHIRT#the great thing about bpd episodes also is the fact you'll be having a great awesome high energy time#and then your brain goes 'you should kill yourself! :D :D :D'#like with that tone#my inner monologue just going 'wow everything is soooo great! die!'#i mean realistically there's very little difference between the extreme energy and the extreme self hatred to me it's all just the same#it's the ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i think bpd is best known for short extremely variable bursts of emotion but like#all of those emotions are the same episode right#so if i'm super happy and then angry and then depressed it's all the exact same#sometimes i get like. exact opposite thoughts in my head 2 seconds apart repeating back and forth#it's very overwhelming!#but the fun thing about prolonged episodes is that once you know you're in one you can kinda just keep doing your thing but acting weird#like i don't know how to get out of this episode but it doesn't matter cause i can still do my dang homework right#the homework is getting done#anyway uhhhhh sorry about the mile of tags!#did i mention! episode!!
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