#my heart breaks for ascended astarion even though i know he doesn't need it

[onlyancunin]

Just thought of something, let me know if that makes sense -

I was just reading another "Tav is not a spawn to Ascended Astarion because he calls them consort" type of argument and something struck me.

I remember reading somewhere before that Astarion insists on not using the name "spawn" and use "consort" instead much like Cazador avoided the "s-word" and used "family" instead.

Because.

Of course he would call his spawns his lovers. Of course he wants a harem of consorts, he thinks his only talent is sex. As ascended he never really got to the other side of thinking about himself, he never left the form his trauma molded him into, this hypersexual, emotionally avoidant (teasing and alluring) type of seducer. He never let go of the notion that his only value is his body and what it can provide in terms of sexual services.

I also think of the way ascended Astarion is dumbfounded when realizing he doesn't have all those powers Cazador was supposed to have. Perhaps those will come with time, but I think there's a real possibility that Cazador never had/was supposed to have them to begin with. He just lied to his "family" to keep them in check, to add another layer of control over the very real physical control he already had over them.

It has been brought to my attention by @starryjuicebox in the comments that ascended Astarion DOES in fact get his powers. He can summon ghouls and wolves in the final battle.

But all Cazador ever did to his spawns at the height of his cruelty were things a mere human could do: bury someone alive, starve them, imprison them, isolate them, brainwash them. None of those are mythical and exclusive to powerful vampires.

What breaks my heart even more for Tav-spawn is that they'll never be The One. They'll only be the first. The first one, much like Astarion was one of Cazador's first. Cazador's very first is not even in the game to be found or mentioned anymore. Perhaps they got away, but more likely they became a liability, as they saw Cazador's vulnerable beginnings and became a threat to the "all-powerful influential vampire" myth he was weaving around himself.

Tav is just the beginning. They're just a test drive. A trampoline for ascended Astarion to help him learn manipulating his future consorts and pitting them against one another. Pull them just right and push away at the perfect time. Just enough to give them a taste and leave them wishing for more.

And seeing how many fans of ascended Astarion there are in real life, it's already working. His harem is in the making.

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[tragedybunny]

Well since you are asking for asks, here's one! How about a Astarion one (shocking I know) where they are on their way to baulders gate to confront Cazador but Astarion is plagued by nightmares that he will lose Tav/reader to his former master and goes to them to ensure they are still there and its angsty with fluff. Please? Thank you!

My usual apologies for my work rate Anon. I hope you enjoy.

What Haunts His Nights - Astarion x F!Reader

Astarion is plagued by nightmares on the road to Baldur's Gate.

Astarion didn't really sleep, Elvish meditation was usually enough, unless the vampire ended up injured or exhausted, then he'd fall into healing sleep like the rest of his kind. So how he managed to have nightmares any time he tried to rest seemed like some sort of immense joke of the universe. Which would fit with the rest of his existence. Ever since you'd ended things at Moonrise Towers and your path to the city was clear, the same subject haunted him. 

Cazador. Only this time it wasn't just him who suffered at those accursed hands. It was you, Cazador had somehow learned of your relationship and would use it to make you both suffer. Sometimes he killed you outright, other times he'd kidnap you and torture you until Astarion willingly returned to him. Worst of all were the visions of you made into another spawn, forced to serve the Vampire Lord.

For the most, he tried to hide it, much as he loved you, it wasn't in his nature to trust you with every fear and flaw. But they were getting worse, more haunting, even as his attachment to you grew. The more he loved you, the more afraid he became. Tonight though brought that fear to dizzying new heights, his siblings had found you, here at Wyrm's Crossing, meaning Cazador could find you all as well.  

Instincts had firstly led him to secure their cooperation in the ritual. It hadn't been a lie when he'd said it was to protect you too. Losing you would be the same as losing himself. But now, laying here next to you in the tent you'd been sharing, other thoughts had crept in, the reality crushing down on him, Cazador could take you if he wanted to. This was no home he had to be invited into, there was no protection here. 

Trying to push it from his mind, Astarion let himself fall into meditation, no deep sleep needed tonight. As soon as his mind quieted though, there was Cazador. "A willing substitute, a lamb to the slaughter." You knelt before him, bare from the waist up, the dagger in his hand carving the same Infernal words into your skin that Astarion himself bore. 

Weeping silently, you endure, until the foul work is finished. Then it is as though Cazador finally notices him. "If you would have just come home boy, she wouldn't have to suffer. But look what she does for love of you." 

A scream nearly tears itself from his throat, and the meditation breaks. Rolling on his side, he chokes and gasps, an impressive feat for someone who doesn't need to breathe. Squinching his eyes shut, he finds himself unable to turn and look at the place you were sleeping, knowing it would tear him apart to find you gone. "Just a nightmare, " he whispers, trying to convince himself. Gods, how unfair was this, he'd barely learned how to love, and now he had to worry he could lose it at any moment. 

You had to be there though, safe and undisturbed, he couldn't even fathom anything else. He rolled, dead heart aching, to find you where he'd left you, sweetly asleep in the little nest of blankets the two of you had made. Almost immediately his eyes began to sting and he swallowed a cry. Cazador didn't have you, and when Astarion ascended in his place, he could make sure nothing ever threatened the two of you again.

Arms enfold you as he snuggles tight against your back, calming as he concentrates on the rhythmic sound of your heartbeat, the motion of your chest as you breathe, the warmth of your skin, all the signs you're real and here with him. He must be holding you tighter then he thought because you stir. "Love, you alright," you murmur, half awake. 

There's a bit of guilt in waking you, but hearing your voice is a soothing balm he hadn't realised he needed. "Nothing to worry about my Sweet," he tries but his voice is shaky. 

"Another nightmare?" Now you're alert and he feels terrible. Even worse, he hasn’t been able to hide this all from you. 

"... Yes," he confesses, "Cazador." The name spills from his mouth like a curse. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Fingers lace with his where they rest over your stomach and squeeze. 

"Not really, I'm sorry." You're so kind to want to listen but he just wants to try to forget. The thoughts of Cazador have left him reeling and he worries he'll anger you by not talking, even if he can't remember a time you were actually angry at him. 

"Don't apologise, I'm here if you need me, but you don't have to tell me anything." Then miraculously, you take his hand, bring it to your lips, kiss it delicately, before cradling it with both of yours. "Love you," you whisper sweetly. 

In a completely undignified moment, he whimpers softly and holds you even tighter, kissing the back of your neck. "Love you too." He can't lose you, and soon he'll be strong enough to make sure that never happens. 

[blue-sadie]

Truly Broken

Ascended Astarion x Reader

Summary: with the new power he's gained he doesn't realize the things he's lost in till its to late

Warning: reader death dn = daughters name

Based off this post by @wilsonsmadshow

Yn/3rd person

It was all done the mission was a success and astarion became ascended but something started to tug at your heart, you didn't know what it ment and you dreaded that.

The days following you've said goodbye to your other companions and stuck with astarion who's been acting weird not his usual flirty self.

Instead he was becoming more arrogant and snappy when I ask him something even his affection was turning cold.

"Are you coming to bed astarion" I asked as I rubbed my eyes tiredly and leaned against the wooden doorframe.

He just stared blankly at the wall ignoring my existences "astarion" I murmured a bit louder as I slowly walked to him lifting up my hand to touch him.

My hand wavered I pulled back, this was the first time I ever was nervous to touch astarion I took a step back and cleared my throat to get his attention.

He sighed with annoyance "what is it" he snapped his piercing eyes turning to stare deep into mine, his gaze was different it wasn't filled with affection and love instead it looked like dispar and hatred.

"I-I asked if you wanted to come to bed" I said changing my stance out of nervousness under his gaze.

He rolled his eyes and turned his gaze to the wall "no I don't think I will" he muttered my heart clenched he's never directed his hatred to me maybe somethings bothering him.

"What's wrong astarion" I asked and slowly got closer to him "what's on that mind of yours" I slowly sat of the edge of the arm of the chair he was sitting on.

"Nothings bothering me tav" he snapped and brought one of his hands up to his face and rubbing his eyes.

"I can tell,something is" I whispered and gently lifted a hand to place on his shoulder, he jerked away from me and pushed me to the floor harshly.

I squeaked in pain as I hit the floor "don't you know when to fucking stop" he yelled standing up over me, my body began shaking in fear.

"I told you to leave it and you kept annoying me" he growled stepping towards me making me crawl away with each step.

"Maybe the reason I don't want to go to bed is because your there" he muttered "you repulse me with every fiber of your being" he spat making my heart break.

"You don't mean that" I whispered making him laugh like a mad man "oh trust me darling I do, I've finished my use of you so you can leave" he mocked and pointed at door.

"W-what" my eyes filled with tears "do I need to speak clearer get the fuck out" he shouted, the tears started to fall as I nodded slowly and got to my feet shakily.

"I-if that's what you want" I snuffed and slowly making my way out the room only for a stopping for a brief second hoping he would change his mind.... but he didn't.

I only packed the essentials in a bag before quickly making my way out not daring to look at him once.

my tears blurring my vision even though he hates me I still live him and want him happy If he wants me gone then do be it.

I looked down at my slightly bulging stomach and layed a gentle hand on it, at least a small part of the old him is still with me.

-Time skip-

I raised my hand to my daughters face slowly wiping away her fallen tears "d-dont go" she cried her long grey hair falling into her face.

I smiled sadly "you remind me of your father" I coughed as I felt my time running out "of how we were when we first me" I thought back to all the great memories we had together.

"I love you dn" I whispered with my last remaining energy and slowly closed my eyes as I felt myself slip away.

Dn caught your hand as it feel and kept denying your death as her sobs grew louder "please no" she cried and brought your frail body up to hers "please mom" she sobbed.

Her cries caught the attention of the vampire her mother waited for everyday, astarion peered around a tree.

He bored his teeth already to pounce when he paused catching a wif of a familiar scent his mind whirled trying to figure out who it was.

"Are you ok" he asked stepping out from around the tree into the light, dn jumped at the sound and scurried to wipe her face.

Astarion froze as he saw your body and he felt the pain he felt all those years ago when he left you.

"Y-yn" he fell to his knees "who are you" dn asked stepping infront of you blocking his gaze and he finally looked at her and gasped at the resemblance he saw.

"A-astarion" he whispered dn looked astonished her sadness turning anger, she knew who he was you never kept the knowledge of her father from her.

The only thing you left out was why he left you "you have no right to be here" she muttered shoving him back.

"You were never here so don't think you can mourn her now" she shouted and kept pushing him back in till he was up against the tree.

"She waited for you and you never came" she anger started to turn back to sadness.

Astarion watched and his heart broke as he started to remember the words he said to you and he watched as dn went back to your side turning her back to him.

He chose to leave you and now he's getting the karma he deserves.

"Karmas a bitch"

Tag.List

@neteyamyawne

@sweetirilly

@greekgods15

[senseandaccountability]

So I'm just here to scream a little about this.

WHAT A QUEST THAT WAS OH MY GOD. I loved how much he had to say about everything, all the way, how much lore and history I got out of the mission and how FUCKING SAD and messed up this vampire family/army is.

I had tears in my eyes when we meet Sebastian and the Gur children OH FUCK, I cried over them. Over the fact that they were children, that he didn't even fucking remember them (which even he was a little taken aback by) and that they didn't want to be let out because they'd hurt their families I CANNOT WITH THE CHILDREN OKAY. And the delicious study in Astarion's range of uncaring, manipulative defenses that got deflated constantly because around every corner there's something new that reminds him of what he is trying SO VERY HARD at making the world and most of all himself forget. GODS do I love that we get to call him out on this, too, the very heart of his struggle. This isn't you - NO BUT IT SHOULD BE. Because the alternative is too much to endure.

And yet, this is the line for me. THE line:

The world doesn't need to know my shame.

The actual fight went to hell in a handbasket first, because I went for the cinematics and wanted to have a big convo with Cazador. Totally worth it for screencaps and angst, though, but it stole an hour from my life.

Then I remembered that I have a brain and ungrouped them, had Astarion hide so he wouldn't get dragged into the ritual while Elnys and Karlach blew shit up and Shadowheart (who I respecced as a healer for act 3) kept everyone alive. SO much easier, thank god. I will play with the save to see the different outcomes of the ritual at some point but it's safe to say the only option for me was to convince him to break the cycle. It's just so UNFATHOMABLY dark to me to imagine him ascending after all this, I don't think I'll ever be able to do it. The abuse of power he was subjected to is such a strong theme in all of his personal details, all of his actions that it just makes me sad for these pixels to think that a solution is to repeat the miserable, hopeless pattern. I love this outcome, I love that he says he isn't above enjoying stabbing Cazadore into a million pieces because he shouldn't be. I love that he isn't even regretting giving up the power, if you ask him afterwards because the source of his fear is finally gone. The spell is broken. He can be free. So much of Astarion's arc is about reconnecting with life, feeling things instead of hiding behind a mask while carrying out shit others told him to, and I adored that it's also what he says when they're done - this place reeks of death and I want to feel alive.