#my head died but you know if i had time i would turn this into a visual novel but with rlly minimizedddd options... like a visual fic

[sturniqlo]

out the window- shy!matt x shy!reader

summary: shy!matt and darlings first ever argument

cw: ANGST; argument, crying, resolved angst, FLUFF; comforting, kissing, cuddling

an: sorry this took for fucking ever, my mind just went blank when writing this, but i really loved the idea so i couldn't pass it up!

masterlist | shy!matt x shy!reader | join my taglist

------------------------------------------------

matt wasn't one to ignore darling- or anyone in general, which was weird when he had ignored several of her texts. he was supposed to pick her up thirty minutes ago. maybe he was on his way and his phone had died? she thought. she waited for another hour. matt would never do this- he would never leave her waiting.

she decided to send one last text.

darling 8:51pm

hi babe... did you forget about our date today? i've been waiting for a while🫤

matt 9:02pm

omg! i'm so sorry. i had made plans with the guys... i did forget, sorry

darling 9:03pm

oh okay, have fun then :/

matt 9:05pm

baby, don't be like that

darling 9:07pm

*read 9:07pm*

she was upset- actually she was pretty mad. how could he forget? they had this planned for weeks! she was disappointed because he forgot and left her waiting for almost two hours. they- she had booked tickets for a new museum exhibit that she wanted to visit- since the museum closed at 11pm she had gotten tickets for 9pm.

matt wasn't the biggest fan of museums, but he'd do anything for her so he just agreed to go with her. turns out he didn't go along with his words.

10:52pm

y/n was laying in bed reading her current book when she got a call from matt. she was still pretty mad about what had happened, but she picked up anyways. "hello?" she mumbled- closing her book and sitting up against her headboard. "hey, pretty. uhm- is the- is the museum still open?" he said with a slight smile on his face- she could hear his keys jingling in the background. he was most likely coming to pick her up.

she holds back a scoff. "it's about to close in a couple of minutes- i'm going alone next week, it's okay- don't worry about it." she sighs, throwing her comforter off of her. "so- i don't have to pick you up tonight?" he stops in front of his car. "no, matt." he heard the change in her voice.

"baby, are you mad at me? i said i was sorry- i forgot." he speaks, leaning against the drivers side door. "that's- that's the thing, matt. you forgot- we had this planned for weeks! and- and i even mentioned it yesterday when we were together. and you just... forgot?" her voice slightly changed. "it slipped my mind, okay?" matt tried his best to stay clam. he didn't know how to control this- they had never argued before.

yeah they had little disagreements about small things- very small things. but never like this- this felt serious. "if you didn't want to go with me you should've just said, not ignore me and make me wait for hours, knowing you weren't going to come!" matt sighs. "you should've reminded me if you really wanted me to go with you." this alone sets her off. "i should've reminded you? i shouldn't have to do that- if you really wanted to you would!"

"look- i didn't mean to, okay?" he throws his head back against the window- matt was starting to get irritated. "didn't mean to what? forget that we had plans? ditch me for your friends?" a hand ran through her hair, her eyes stung a bit and a knot formed in her throat. "i'm sorry- alright! i didn't think it would piss you off this much!" so he forgot on purpose? her grip on the phone tightened when she connected two and two together.

"not piss me off?! matt- i had bought these tickets so long ago because you said you'd go with me! i know museums aren't your thing, but you promised. do- did it not matter to you?" she whispered the last part. "baby- it's not like that... i- i didn't think. it does matter- i just- you know how i am about museums."

"but, matt. it wasn't just about the museum. it was about us spending time together. i chose the museum because it was a new fun exhibit- i thought you'd like it. we barely saw each other this week- and you're about to leave for a week." tears slowly started rolling down her cheeks. "baby.. i- i get that, but the guys called and i wasn't thinking. i thought we could go another time."

"whatever, matt. i'm going to bed." she scoffs- she had had enough of this- at this point she felt like she was repeating herself. "fine." he muttered- leaning off of his car and heading back to his dorm building. she didn't hesitate to hang up right away.

the next day

y/n woke up, got ready for the day and went downstairs to eat a quick breakfast. she had tried her hardest to forgot about last nights argument. she went about her day, she only had two classes today so it was an easy day. her headphones played her personal playlist, which was weird because she had forgotten certain songs that were in it since she hasn't played it in so long.

she walked into the coffee shop and was next in line. "hello, can i get a medium brown sugar cookie iced coffee, please. and tw- one vanilla scone. and a uhm- medium- sorry, nevermind, that will be all." her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. it was almost like muscle memory to get matt's order since you two always got iced coffee and a scone together.

heading over to their usual spot and plopped down waiting for her order. she scrolled through her emails and saw that her second and last class had been cancelled. darling thought she'd go check out the bookstore and see any new arrivals.

she opened the door and the bell above the door chimed. "welcome!" the sweet front desk lady said. "hello." darling smiled at her.

darling scanned the bookshelves, but nothing caught her attention, however she was looking to get a new journal to scrapbook. she headed over to the stationery section and saw the many different journals.

as she paid, she felt her phone buzz in her bag. as the woman scanned her journal and a few other miscellaneous items, darling grabbed her phone and saw that matt was calling. "your total is $23.62." the cashier suddenly spoke. out of habit, she double clicked the side button and declined the call to pay.

matt was currently in his dorm room as he had just came back from his second class of the day. he had a two hour break until his next class. in all honesty, he wasn't able to focus on his classes from earlier. matt was busy overthinking about his argument with darling last night. she probably wants to break up with him and never speak to him again, he thought.

he tried to busy himself by cleaning up his side of the dorm room. throwing away a bit of trash here and there. using the mini vacuum, the one darling bought for him and his roommate, to clean up the carpeted floor. and he did his laundry. as he folded his clothes, one of darlings' shirts had gotten into his load.

he gently folded it and put it in her designated drawer she had in his dorm, which was overflowing. he hoped that it stayed that way. as matt finished folding up his laundry, he decided to call her. opening his recent call log, she was the most recent one.

pretty🤍 yesterday 10:52pm

"please pick up." he muttered as he sat on his bed. it went past the first three rings, no answer yet. the call was soon declined. "fuck." he sighed, tossing his phone to the side resulting in it falling in the crack between his bed and his wall. "great."

matt threw himself back on his bed and groaned in frustration. why'd he have to be such an asshole and ditch her for her friends. most importantly- why'd he leave her waiting? the thought of her being ready and excited to go on the date only for him to not show up made him feel even worse than he already did.

matt really wanted to go over and apologize, he looked at the time and saw that around this time she was already home. he wasn't one to stalk her location as often, but he just decided to check. what if he went to her house and she wasn't even home? he pulled up her location and saw that she was at her friends house. he had remembered because he had picked her up from them once. maybe later. he thought.

the night came around and she was still with her friend. not that he was tracking her or anything, but she just happened to post a story on instagram and he just happened to get the notification.

it wasn't until an hour later when he checked her location and she were finally home. matt sat up and jumped off of his bed and grabbed his car keys from his desk. he didn't bother to grab a hoodie or anything, he just wanted to go to her to apologize.

y/n was laying in bed as she had just gotten home from spending most of the day with her best friend. the two of them caught up on everything. she told darling everything about this guy had been seeing and darling told her about her little disagreement with matt. she opened up to her and told her how she thought that maybe matt was getting tired of her because he never ditched her like that. "darling, i promise you that man is so obsessed with you. he is not leaving you anytime soon or ever." is what she told her.

she had her book propped up on her chest as she caught up on reading. that was until she heard little taps on her window. for a split second she thought it was raining, but when she looked over she saw matt out her window. "what?" she said confusingly, closing her book and sitting up. darling walked over to the window and opened it. "matt, what are you doing here? outside my window!" she told him. "i- i wanted to see you. can you sit with me out here? please." she thought for a second, but quickly agreed.

before she said anything, she turned around. matt had for sure thought she had just rejected him, but she soon returned with a hoodie on. "scoot over." darling said softly. for a moment they sat in silence, the occasional breeze blowing the tree branches. the tension was there, but it wasn't so tense. the silence was soon broken as matt spoke.

"m' sorry. i'm really sorry about yesterday." his hand came to her knee. "i- i shouldn't have done that. shouldn't have ditched you for my friends. shouldn't have left you waiting." his thumb moved back and forth against her sweatpants. "i'm sorry for lashing out on you-" matt interrupted her. "hey- no. don't be sorry, pretty. you had every right to be mad. i was the one who stood you up." she pouted, he was so understanding.

"are- are you sure? i feel really bad." darling grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers together. a gust of wind blew through and a strand of her hair came out of place. matt's empty hand came up to her face and tucked it behind her ear. "forgive me, baby? let me go with you next week, let me make it up to you." he kissed the back of her hand. she nodded.

"of course i forgive you." she smiled at him, taking her hand away from his to bring it up to his face to connect their lips in a sweet kiss. "i love you." darling mumbled against his lips. "i love you." matt smiled against her lips.

the two sat outside her window for a couple of minutes before it started to drizzle. "you stayin' the night?" she picked up her head from his shoulder. "only if you want me to." he grinned at her already knowing the answer. darling giggled and carefully stood up- matt stood up right after and guarded her to prevent anything- "come on." she crawled back into her room. matt closed the window, locking it, and immediately kicked his shoes off.

like routine he picked her up by the waist and gently tossed her onto the bed crawling on top of her. matt cuddled her, giving her little neck and shoulder kisses here and there.

soon enough, they fell asleep with her head tucked in his neck and his hand running through her hair. they weren't going anywhere anytime soon.

[cherienymphe]

Suburbia X

Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: mentions of NON-CON, DUB-CON, blackmail, voyeurism, stalking, breeding kink, eventual violence, age gap, brief side of Bucky x reader, babysitter!Peter, mommy!reader

➥ banner by @maysdigitalarts | divider by @silkholland

➥ series masterlist

~

“Thanks for coming.”

That was what you finally said to Peter after you both had been sitting on your couch for what felt like hours. In truth, it was only about ten minutes, but the silence was so tense and heavy—and you were so nervous and terrified of the young man in front of you—that the time didn’t pass normally in your mind.

Peter wasn’t wearing his glasses today, and without them he looked beyond only twenty-three. Or maybe that was all in your head. Maybe the reveal of his true character and nature made him seem so much more intimidating…and in turn, older. His dark curls framed his face as he gazed at you, patiently waiting for you to say what he was no doubt eagerly waiting to hear.

“Well…” he ran his eyes over your face. “Over the phone I asked if this was about our talk, and you said sort of, so naturally I became curious.”

You nodded at that, glancing away from him and taking in the silence of your house. Your girls were asleep, and you envied them in this moment. You envied their innocence and their complete ignorance of what was going on around them and their own part in it. You would never in a million years tell them what you were about to put yourself through just to protect them and their quality of life, but you hoped they’d grow up to understand the lengths you would go to for them.

You swiped your tongue between your lips.

“I wanted to tell you face to face that you were right,” you finally said, looking at him.

Peter’s face was hard to read, but there was a noticeable glint in his dark eyes that made your heart stutter. He didn’t take his eyes off of you as he straightened, and it made him appear taller. You felt so small and insignificant beneath his gaze, and you desperately tried to remember what you were doing and why you were doing it. Peter had seamlessly shifted the power dynamic—and in the worst way possible—and you desperately needed to have the upperhand again.

“When I chose to be a single mom…I did it with no regrets and because it was genuinely what I wanted.”

Peter leaned in a bit, and you spoke up.

“...and so…determined to prove something, I think that I never even really considered the possibility of more. Of more helping hands, of more comforting figures in their lives, of more…love that could be given to my girls,” you continued, looking between his eyes. “...and me.”

Peter wasn’t saying anything, and you felt a stab of panic, wondering if he saw through you.

“You were right. You are so good to them…and me, and it’s terrifying not only because it’s new but also because it’s you.”

You abruptly stood, turning away from him.

“You’re so much younger and I hired you and Peter, you have to understand,” your voice cracked as you stared at the wall. “You have to understand how I’m feeling because this makes me look and feel like some predator, like-.”

You cut yourself off when familiar hands took your arms, forcing you to face him, and you watched the way Peter’s expression softened with one look at your face.

“I know that I said some unkind things, but this situation is very tricky and scary and has the potential to really change my life in a way that can’t be undone or at the very least not for years and years to come-.”

“I know that,” he whispered, finally speaking again. “Trust me, I understand-.”

“You say that, but if this doesn’t work out, you're not the one who’s going to have to deal with the fallout. Do you truly understand how people will see me? It doesn’t matter that this was reciprocated. Cougar will be one of the nicer words I’ll be referred to as…”

Your words died in your throat as Peter gently shushed you, one hand coming up to graze your now tearful cheek. The way he looked at you told you that he believed everything you were saying, but you couldn’t be sure. He leaned in a tad, and on instinct, you turned your face away. Your gaze lowered to focus on the floor, and you felt Peter’s breath on your face as he sighed.

“No. You’re not the kind of woman to just jump into something like this, and I should have known that,” he whispered, more to himself than you. “I should’ve known that you would panic and freak out and follow your initial instinct of rejecting this in every way you can.”

The younger man rubbed your arms, hands gently sliding up and down over the fabric of your sleeves, and you shuddered.

“You’re smart about things, and it’s why I love you,” he murmured, making your stomach churn. “I should have thought about that, gone about this differently.”

You finally met his gaze, and your heart dropped to your stomach at the way he looked at you. It reminded you of that night—or what you could remember from it, anyway—and the morning after and the day at the restaurant. One of his hands tightened on your arm, and you swallowed at the position you put yourself in.

“...but you don’t understand what you do to me,” Peter chuckled.

It was light, and his teeth winked at you, and his eyes gleamed in a way that terrified you. It didn’t matter what you believed because Peter believed he was in love with you and was the one for you and was the best father for your girls. His mind was made up, and you felt that you should’ve accepted as such when he went through such great lengths to back you into a corner.

He handled this whole ordeal like a man with nothing to lose, and you supposed that in a way, that was true. In this scenario, you were the one with way more to lose. If this ever got out, you would be the villain in this story, and it was something that Peter had so eloquently thrown in your face.

“I don’t think I can say I regret confronting you like I did at the restaurant,” he confessed, his thumb brushing along your lip. “...but believe it or not, I didn’t take pleasure in putting things into perspective for you like that.”

So that was what he was calling it.

“I don’t take pleasure in hurting you in any way, even if it is only making you uncomfortable for a short while, but I needed to make you understand. Understand what you mean to me and what I would do to have you.”

When his lips gently brushed along yours, you let him kiss you.

“You don’t even know the things I would do for you—the things I have done for you,” he whispered into the kiss, and you couldn’t stop your form from trembling.

Peter noticed, and he made a humming noise.

“There are a lot of things for you to fear in this world, but now that we see eye to eye, I’ll never be one of them.”

You felt tears kiss your eyes as he tried to kiss you again, but spoke, effectively halting his movements.

“It’s not you I’m afraid of, Peter.”

A lie.

He seemed to understand what you were getting at, and he chuckled again. The dark-haired man pulled back some to gaze at you like you were so silly, and you hated how boyish that smile made him.

“You’re it for me, Y/N. Don’t you get that? Hmm?”

He held your gaze with his own dark one.

“Whatever comes of this, you’ll never have to doubt my loyalty. I’m going to be by your side when things inevitably progress into something more public, and I will make sure that whatever those…” he took a deep breath, lip curling over his teeth. “...women put you through, it will be worth it.”

His brows drew together as he fought to make you believe his words.

“I swear to you, now that it won’t hold a candle to coming home to me everyday. I’m going to make you so happy that whatever they have to say won’t mean a thing to you.”

Peter kissed you again then, deeply inhaling.

“I’m not going anywhere…”

You knew that those words—if nothing else—were true, and that was what you hated.

You stood with your arms around yourself as you watched Peter bring a suitcase into the house. You had prepared yourself for this, anticipating by all of his actions so far that Peter was not one to take things slow. Or at least, he didn’t want to take things slowly with you. Besides, if you were going to get your hands on every copy of that tape he possibly had, then you needed to be up under each other’s noses.

You needed him to be comfortable enough to bring his things—his laptop—into your house and not spare your proximity a second thought. When he caught your eye, you gave him a gentle smile, and while he was slow to return it, he eventually did. You took your time in nearing him.

“I know how nervous this makes you,” he told you, and he reached for your face. “It’s okay. We’ll be discreet for a while, and I’ll gradually make myself at home, and when the time is right…”

He trailed off, a secretive smile dancing on his lips at the thought of going public with you one day.

“Thank you,” you finally replied. “You don’t even understand how much that puts me at ease, Peter. Especially since I know how difficult this is for you.”

The look he gave you encouraged you to elaborate, and so you did.

“While I might not completely understand it just yet, you do love me, and it can’t be easy hiding a relationship with someone you care about so much.”

You noticed the way his face fell a bit at that, and you reached out to rest your hand on his arm.

“I don’t doubt that you want to navigate like any other couple in the world, but you’re being considerate of me and how this will affect me, and it means a lot.”

You stepped closer, and you watched Peter’s eyes drink in the action.

“You’re so good to me,” you whispered to him.

At that, he didn’t take his eyes off of you, and you played with the fabric of his sweater.

“...and I’m sorry that I let my fear and panic prevent me from seeing that before.”

You watched him take a deep breath, dark eyes still trained on you.

“It’s okay,” he quietly told you. “I forgive you for that, you don’t have to…”

He shook his head.

“Don’t apologize for it.”

You took his hand, and Peter was eager in threading his fingers through yours. He pulled you along up the stairs to unpack, and you told yourself that smiling in his face and kissing him with your eyes closed and telling him what he wanted to hear was the easy part. As you walked down the hall—Peter taking the lead—you reminded yourself that the hard part was only just beginning. 

The real challenge would come in cohabitating with him like he was someone you cared about. The truly hard part of all this would come when he wanted to shower together and wrap his arms around you in bed and pull you against him like you were any average couple in love. 

When he wanted to have sex with you.

This would go beyond just acting, but you would have to fully embody someone else—someone who cared about this man almost as much as he cared about you but was simply hesitant and nervous. You would have to take on an entirely new persona, and to make it all the more challenging, you had to do it in enough time to get what you needed before he wanted this relationship to go public.

…because you didn’t care what Peter said.

He wasn’t going to be content with keeping this between you forever.

You hadn’t missed the way he’d said Bucky’s name at that restaurant. There were more sides to Peter you hadn’t been privy to yet, and you hoped to God that you never would be, but you knew without a doubt that there was a part of Peter that wanted to show this entire town you belonged to him. Peter had never struck you as that kind of man, but then again, there were a lot of things about him that you absolutely would have never guessed.

As you helped him unpack what he brought over, you tried to keep your face even at the sight of clothes and toiletries and nothing else.

“I’ll have to tell Nat that I rehired you, of course,” you said to him, hesitantly glancing his way. “It seems silly to have you hide away any time she comes over.”

Peter found that funny for some reason, and he nodded.

“Of course. What are you going to tell her when she asks why?”

You stewed on that for a moment.

“I haven’t decided on that yet. Maybe I’ll tell her that I just really need you around, right now,” you eventually came up with, and it wasn’t a lie.

“Well, it’s not a lie,” he said, voicing your own thought. “You do need me.”

He leaned in and pressed his lips to the side of your neck, pausing in his unpacking to give you his attention. Peter’s intentions were pretty clear, and you didn’t doubt that said intentions had been on his mind from the moment you’d uttered the words ‘you were right’ earlier. While you knew that it would eventually come to that—probably as soon as hours from now—you weren’t mentally prepared. You couldn’t make your body do that, right now, and so you hurried to ruin his mood.

“I’ll have to tell Bucky the same…”

Your words had the desired effect, and you relaxed a little when Peter froze. He lifted his head from the crook of your neck to rest his chin on it, and while you had expected several things, you hadn’t expected the next words that came from his mouth.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for Mr. Barnes to come by here, anymore.”

You couldn’t stop your frown at that, and you pulled away just a little to turn and face him. Peter’s visage was entirely serious, and your frown deepened as you realized this. His expression didn't relent at all the longer you stared at him, and you were the one to break the tense silence.

“Peter…”

“I’m serious,” he confirmed, moving to finish unpacking the rest of his clothes. “Now that our relationship has evolved, I don’t want him coming by here anymore.”

“...but he’s my friend.”

The younger man gave a scoffing bark of a laugh at that, and you watched him run his hand through his thick curls.

“Friend,” he repeated. “Yeah, sure.”

The humor disappeared from his features by the time he looked at you again.

“He’s your friend because you didn’t want more with him. If you had, he wouldn’t be your friend right now, and we’d be having an entirely different conversation.”

You blinked at that.

“The kind that would involve me telling you to break up with him because I actually dislike sharing.”

His tone was serious, and you swallowed as he stared you down. Your lips parted, and you snapped them shut, thinking over your next words carefully.

“If I suddenly stop being friends with him, it’ll be very suspicious, Peter.”

He stared at you for what felt like too long, expression unmoving before his lips suddenly pulled into a small smile.

“While true, I imagine that him walking in on you coming around me would be even more suspicious.”

His words had you blinking furiously, but before you could respond to such a thinly veiled threat, you heard a familiar cry. The curly-haired young man didn’t hesitate to drop what he was doing in favor of checking on whichever twin had woken up from her nap first.

You were still tense from his parting words, and telling yourself that you needed to pick your battles wisely, you softly sighed.

You knew that you couldn’t just outright ask Peter to delete that video. It was so brazenly stupid that not only would Peter accuse you of not trusting him, but he might even suspect this whole thing was an act. He’d be right, of course, and it was why you had to convincingly get him settled into a comfortable lull. 

…and you had to do that by committing to doing things you weren’t comfortable doing.

Your fingers clawed at your sheets as Peter’s tongue swiped between your folds and pressed itself into your core. Your girls were down for the night, and you knew that as soon as they were, and dinner was done and put away, Peter would waste no time in reaching out for what he felt now belonged to him.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about that night since it happened,” he’d murmured to you, humming at the taste of wine on your lips.

You’d concluded that you needed something in your system if you were to commit to this.

“The sounds you made, the way you tasted on my lips,” he’d breathed into your mouth. “The way you felt wrapped around me.”

He’d taken a reprieve on the stairs, just pinning you against the wall and kissing you. His hands hadn’t stayed in one place for long, touching every inch of you that he could, and when he seemed satisfied, he continued in pulling you towards your bedroom.

“Fuck,” he’d swore into the kiss the moment you were through the threshold. “I can’t wait to be inside of you again.”

The moments that followed bled together into one long endless pleasurable moment. You didn’t know if it was a relief or not that Peter was so skilled and so determined to make you come undone. You found it shockingly easy to surrender to his ministrations, unable to swallow down your moans and whimpers as he ate you out.

His tongue—so warm and firm—greedily lapped at you, and his fingers pressed into your thighs so hard that you didn’t doubt there’d be bruises in the morning. Your chest arched as you squirmed on the bed, and unable to help yourself, one of your hands found it’s way to his curls. Peter hummed against your cunt, and you knew that he liked that.

You confirmed as much when he reached up to find your other hand before forcing it to find a home in his hair right next to your other one. You were completely naked—Peter having wasted no time in getting your clothes off of you—but your nudity did nothing to cool you down. A thin layer of sweat coated your skin, and you absentmindedly recalled that Peter was only partially undressed.

It seemed that he only just remembered that too, and when he pulled his mouth away from you, you were ashamed of the stab of disappointment that tore through you. Your chest heaved with deep breaths, and you blinked as you watched him sit up before getting undressed.

He didn’t take his eyes off of you as he did, pulling his lip between his teeth as he rejoined you on the bed, a hand wrapping around your ankle. The wine in your system definitely helped you to relax, but if you were honest, it did more than that. Playing this part came to you easier than you anticipated, and that worried you a little. Maybe even scared you a little.

The younger man was gentle in running his hand up your leg, fingers dancing along your skin as he did so. His dark eyes appeared even darker if that were at all possible, and in this moment, it was evident that Peter cared about nothing more than he did the thought of being inside of you again.

Glancing down, you caught sight of his cock—erect and wet at the very tip and just waiting to fill you up.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Peter murmured, reaching for your face.

When he kissed you, you didn’t swallow down your hum in time, and your throat vibrated as it climbed out of your mouth and into the kiss. Peter’s entire body covered yours as he made himself comfortable on top of you, and—playing your part—you rested your hands on his back. His hands slid down to grip your thighs, pushing them apart to accommodate him, and you gasped at the feel of his length pressing against you.

Peter didn’t waste any more time.

Forcing your knees to hook over his arms, Peter lifted his hips and dipped his cock into you with one smooth thrust. A choked gasp left you, and your mouth was soundlessly parted as he started to thrust into you, hips snapping against yours every time. Your hands slid over him, unsure of what to grasp onto, and you couldn’t stop the small whimpers that started to fall from your lips.

Peter was fucking you with the assured confidence that he finally had you.

The strained grunts that left his mouth were in time with every push of his cock, and you were almost ashamed of how wet you were. Although, you supposed that it would only prove to help you in convincing Peter this was genuine. You were literally dripping around him, and you repeatedly reminded yourself that you were playing a part. That you were doing what you needed to do to earn his trust and get him to let his guard down.

Although that was easier said than done when his lips kept seeking yours out. Every kiss he gave you was hungry and heated, and you gasped again when his teeth nipped at the sensitive skin there. His toned chest repeatedly brushed against yours with every movement, and the gentle stimulation against your hardened buds made you shudder beneath him.

Every time he dipped his cock into you, the sound reached your ears…and his too.

“You’re dripping for me,” he whispered into the kiss. “I love how wet you are.”

You wanted to come up with something to say to reel him in more, but you were genuinely at a loss for words. It was hard to focus on anything besides the feel of him stretching you out.

“I’m so glad you came around, So glad,” he murmured, kissing you over and over and over again. “I really…I really didn’t want to do things the hard way.”

Your bed shook beneath you as Peter pounded into you, his curls tickling your skin.

“You may not believe that, but it’s true.”

He finally paused, holding himself inside of you as he pulled his head back some. He stared into your eyes—both of your chests heaving—and he looked between them as you struggled to catch your breath.

“I meant it when I said I don't take pleasure in hurting you. That’s not something that makes me happy,” he said through uneven breaths.

He slowly pulled his hips back before snapping them against you again, and you gasped. He didn’t take his eyes off of you as he fucked you, carefully watching your face.

“...but I’ll do what I have to. You understand?”

He didn’t give you time to respond.

“I’m smart, and you know it, and I know you know it.”

Your nails dragged along his skin as he thrust into you slowly, taking his time in pushing the length of him into you.

“So if all of this is just you playing at something, then you need to be prepared to play at it for the rest of your life,” he whispered to you, staring into your eyes. “...because you don’t know the things I’ve done to protect you.”

Your wide eyes looked between his at that.

“...and I’ll do worse to keep you.”

[am-i-interrupting]

Can’t Go Back | Silco x Reader

Chapter 3 | Pushed Under the Waves

Summary: You had a long, complicated history with Silco before he became the Eye of Zaun. You thought you’d buried it a long time ago. It all starts to re-emerge from the ground when Vander dies and Powder is found in the hands of Silco.

Time felt like it passed by extremely fast and incredibly slow. Most days it felt like just yesterday that you were at the rubble where you found Vander and the boys. Yet it felt like it’d be forever before you saw Jinx (as she was insistent you call her even if it made your stomach curl) again.

It’d been eight months since you stopped fighting. You and Silco had founded a routine. Jinx was with him while you worked and vice versa. Most nights she stayed at The Drop but roughly a week or so worth of nights each month she’d stay with you.

She would curl up in the bed with Ekko after a long day of tinkering and toying and bickering and playing together, just being kids. Even if both of them had haunted looks in their eyes that wouldn’t go away.

Occasionally on those nights she would wake up and go to where you slept on the couch. She would grab your hand and pull you into the bedroom. You’d wrap your arms around her as you both laid down. Normally Ekko would stir at this and roll into your awaiting arms with her.

You cherished those nights.

Tonight, you were throwing yourself into work. At least, that’s what you had planned until Babette informed you, you had been bought out by one person for the night.

You went to the designated meeting spot that had been given. Some people didn’t like being separated from others with only a mere curtain, you could understand that. However, you couldn’t help but feel on edge.

“No,” you said simply as you turned to walk out immediately upon seeing who it was.

A hand grabbed your wrist and you jerked it away. You reared your hand back and punched him in the face.

He faltered for a moment. You went to continue your walk away but he was stubborn. He followed you. It wasn’t until you were out of the building though that he managed to grab you again. This time a tight grip around your forearm instead of a careful one.

“Have a smoke with me,” the velvet voice said. “That’s all I ask.”

You sighed. “Fine.”

You gave in too easily. You knew that. You reprimanded yourself for it. Still, you followed him to the edges of the water.

Another event flashed before your eyes instead of just the one today was the anniversary of.

Running. Adrenaline high. A vague ache in your torso and with each contact your feet had with the ground.

You had been desperate.

There was a slice that rang through the air as Silco cut a cigar. A nice click of his lighter as it opened.

You looked at him. His ocean eye on your side.

He held the cigar between his teeth as the light grew closer to the end of it. His other hand came up and curled around the flame. Slowly the end sparked with a red hue.

His lips pressed against the cigar as he inhaled. His right hand slipping the lighter back in his pocket. His pointer finger wrapped around the top as he used his others to stabilize it.

He drug it away from his mouth. His hand fell to his side for a moment as he closed his eyes and let his head tilt back. Then he carefully exhaled.

He took another puff before he handed it off to you.

“Where’s Jinx?” you asked as you plucked the cigar from him.

“Sedated,” he said causing you to pause, “she had a fit this morning when she realized what day it was. She kept hitting herself, throwing things, talking to her ghosts. I tried talking her down but nothing worked. Sevika brought the doctor in and he sedated her. Not my preferred method but whatever works, I suppose.”

“You should have gotten me.” You took a drag. “I know her better than all of you combined. I could have figured something out,” you said as smoke flooded out your mouth with your words.

“I thought of it but I was more concerned with making sure she didn’t hurt herself severely. Sevika disappeared as soon as the girl threw a knife at her. Came back twenty minutes later with the doctor in tow.”

Your own voice rang in your head from years ago. “She’s got good instincts.”

You said nothing in reply.

Your heart ached at the pain of your girl. You hated that she was going through this.

Thankfully, Ekko was doing much better. At least in comparison to throwing things and hurting himself. He’d requested that you give him his space but you knew where he was. He was at Benzo’s shop, rundown, ragged, and abandoned.

It was truly a miracle that in a years time someone hadn’t snatched it on up and claimed it as their own or that it’s managed to keep its walls free from addicts and those without any roof.

You wanted to buy it but some of your top buyers hadn’t been coming down. Scared shitless of being caught up in the fights. Only within the past month have some started to drip back down to the Lanes.

“Why are we here, Silco?” you asked.

“A man died here, years ago,” Silco began. “You need to let him go in order to move on with life. I’m not him anymore.”

You looked him in the eye. You felt your nostrils begin to sting as your eyes watered.

“I know.”

Silco took the last drag left in the cigar and flicked it into the water. The waves pulled it down until it was beneath the black.

He stepped forward. The water lapped at his shoes. He turned and extended a hand to you.

“He tried to find you,” you told him. “Vander was sorry.”

A bit of the coldness melted away. His arm slumped a bit. No longer straight and rigid but more relaxed. Still, it was reaching for you.

“No matter what he did to you and no matter what you did to him, he still loved you,” you said as you let your hand slip into his.

His hands were cold, long, and wrapped delicately around your own. Engulfing it in his icy touch.

“We tried to find you for months but you didn’t want to be found,” you continued on. “You didn’t even come to their funerals.

“All we wanted was to get to independence and peace but we’re not anywhere near close. How are you any closer to achieving that compared to Vander?”

He didn’t answer you.

You shoved his shoulder with the hand that wasn’t in his hold. “Huh?”

The water was up to your hips.

He didn’t reply.

“There’s been fighting and death and people are dying every day on the streets because of what you put in them! What’s the point? How does this help anyone? How does this make them—“ you gestured at the buildings in the distance— “respect us? All they’re seeing are animals fighting for scraps!

The water was above your chest now, reaching for your shoulders if the waves were strong enough.

He stopped. He turned to you and took both your hands in his. You held his gaze for a minute before you sighed. You let your head thump against his shoulder, uncaring that water lapped at your chin.

“How does this fix things because all I see are more problems,” you said, your voice going quiet.

“We tried to fight for our independence. We tried before and we failed. These are the trails to make our fight succeed,” Silco said. “There will be loss but this way we have subjects who are willing.”

“They’re addicted,” you corrected.

“Would you rather I kidnap people off the street?” he asked. “Pay them to? What money would go back into the trails if we gave it away just to test?”

“Did you even think about trying to strike a deal?” you asked.

“Our tongues are practiced in different forms, even combined, did they ever listen to us before? We need to scare them and if they want a war, we need to win.”

You let your weight fall against him. Felt his hands move to your elbows to adjust. His breath warmed your skin in comparison to the water.

You felt him slowly begin to pull you both down. You didn’t fight it.

“Are you going to kill me?” you asked.

“If I wanted to, I would have done it when I killed Vander,” he said it with such ease.

A tear fell down your cheek. “How comforting.”

The water tickled your lips. You got half a second of warning to suck in a breath before you were under.

In the freezing waters, Silco was warm. You let your eyes close. Your head rested against his own. His hair tickled your face as the soft currents made it sway and dance.

You let your arms wrap around Silco’s middle. He hugged you back.

Together you stayed like that until the inevitable need to breathe befell the both of you. Silco’s foot kicked the bottom of the floor and brought the two of you to the surface, where standing upright the water was beneath you.

You didn’t let go for one moment, then two. You wanted to hold on, keep this moment of peace between you.

He let go first.

Your hands slowly went from his back to his shoulders and down his arms. You opened your eyes.

One sea foam green eye stared at you. The other a flame in the night.

He must have been wearing some kind of makeup because the skin around was blacked, almost necrotic.

He squeezed your elbows. His hands went down to yours. His fingers wrapped around your own. His thumb rubbed. He squeezed again. He walked away but didn’t let go until he was too far away to hold on.

You watched him leave.

You felt cold. The water was cold. The breeze was cold. Neither of those is what caused your feeling.

You stared at the water surrounding you. The waves clashing against each other. The current that tried to push through but went around you as it realized it couldn’t.

Your hands touched the surface. Ripples dispersed. The rings started off small. Then they stretched out as far as they could before they broke.

You breached the surface. Stood for a moment and simply felt. You felt the rush past your fingertips, tickling your skin.

Something slowly bubbled up inside you. It was warm.

You let yourself feel it, touch it, poke it, stoke it. It flared and quickly went from warm to hot to scorching.

Your jaw clenched and your nostrils flared. Your breathing quickened. You were struggling for air.

You slipped beneath the water once more. This time alone. The only source of heat coming from this feeling which overflowed, bubbling and boiling.

You let out an agonizing scream. Water filled your mouth, grimy and desolate. It aimed for your lungs. Going through your clenched teeth like breaking through a dam.

Breaching the water you coughed and heaved.

Your fingers went through your hair and pulled. You felt like you were being strangled. Like a frightened animal in a corner but with the anger of a beast protecting their pride.

You slammed your fists against the water and let another scream ripe through your lungs but this time it went through the air instead of the water.

Ekko didn’t question when you came into the apartment soaked. You didn’t question why his hands were covered in bandages.

In some weird way, you almost felt better.

There was so much going on. Fighting, bombs, guns, punches, yells, screams, struggles, death, life. All of it surrounded you.

Just moment ago you’d been aiming at enforcers. Now you were running. Tears in your eyes as your breathing came out in strangled puffs. You couldn’t keep it down. You couldn’t keep the air in.

You wiped at your tears. Scratched them off your skin.

A yell, his yell. You picked up the pace.

Distantly, oh so distantly you registered ache in your torso that went down and doubled with each contact your feet had with the ground.

But you were desperate.

You saw thrashing in the water. Above the waves one man, below the waves was the one you were more worried about.

Vander looked different. He looked murderous in way you’d never seen before. He looked dangerous in way that made you scared.

The man who’d only ever given you warmth and kindness was scaring you. He scared you here now more than the enforcers ever had.

His hands were wrapped around the neck of Silco beneath the water. He was thrashing and clawing. Every few seconds his hands would come up from the water.

You yelled out both their names but neither responded as you raced closer.

You heart dropped to your stomach when the thrashing stopped. If he could last a few seconds more.

Tears poorer down your face, heated streams of worry and grief. Just a few seconds more.

Vander’s breath left him and he stepped back in the water. Silco’s head bolted up from beneath. He scrambled to his feet. Vander tried to grab him, push him back down. A backward slash to his arm allowed Silco to get away.

The water soaked through your boots as you raised your hand and pointed your gun. This time not at enforcers but your friend.

Your head turned to watch Silco run. Blood tainted the water. It dripped down his face but his hand covered it as he ran.

“Don’t make me shoot you,” you said, voice far more steady and stern than you felt.

Vander took a step closer as Silco still ran. You squeezed your finger around the trigger. The bullet swirled past his head. A warning.

Your lips trembled.

“Don’t think I won’t!”

You readjusted your aim towards his chest.

Vander held his arm that leaked into the water and grunted. Looked at you, past you and then back again. He yelled through clenched teeth as he walked the other way. He picked up his mining gloves and back into the real fight he went.

You stood, staring at the water. It was a murky brown, tinged red with blood.

The reality of what happened sunk in and weighed on you heavier than an anchor.

Your gun fell from your hand. It misfired into the bloodstained river.

You stood for one, two, three, four seconds? Minutes? Hours?

At some point you just snapped into action and ran toward where Silco had. You were only able to follow his trail so far before the blood had been completed washed by the rain.

You collapsed at the end of the trail. The tears never stopped but they doubled down harder.

Fari, dead. Felicia, dead. Connol, dead. Vander, dead to you. Silco, gone.

Your head tilted down towards the pavement as your body curled in. Your hands went to your middle, clutched in fists where your heart was. Almost like if you tried hard enough you could rip your heart from your chest and take the pain with it.

Not once had you ever felt like this before in your life. You weren’t sure you would survive it. It hurt, throbbing a painful beat in your body. With every breath, every movement, every second the pain worsened.

You passed out in the alleyway.

You awoke to a hard pushing against your shoulder. Your eyes opened and you winced at the few scattered bits of sunlight the Lanes got. You rubbed at the sleep in your eyes and tried again. This time the world was less blurry.

Benzo.

“Come on,” he said, heaving you up. “The kids are worried about you.”

You let your head fall against his torso. His arm around you was the only thing keeping you upright.

“Right good scare you gave all of us,” he said with a forced laugh. “We were worried you’d have run off.”

He tried to lift the spirits. Bless him, he did try. However, there was no fixing this right now.

The Last Drop came into view and you stopped.

“Don’t let me see Vander,” you said, spitting out his name like a curse. “I don’t want to kill him in front of the kids.”

Benzo looked at you, worried and concerned. It took a moment for him to realize you were serious.

“Alright,” he said, “give me a second.”

He walked into the bar before you. You leaned against the wall beside the door. You felt numb. You felt heartless. You felt cold.

[newkatzkafe2023]

Hi- may I request a single father Male Y/N- you can choose it's a daughter or is the son or both at the same time.

(He's a Top in relationship.)

With The monkey king reaction.

(By the way I hope you have a nice day or night don't forget to drink water too!!)

You have twins, a boy named Jun De & a girl named Mei Lian👦👧

(Lmk Wukong) You lost your mate many years ago She died giving birth to your beautiful twins, but no you can never blamed them for what happened. Years later your cubs had accidentally met him when they found his shame temple. Your adorable twin cubs become clingy as they both would have endless energy and affection for Wukong. At the end Wukong found these cute little fire crackers belong to the whole Chinese new year that is you, you were so sexy that Wukong brain froze from your godly Presence. You thanks Wukong for taking care of your cubs and left him your phone number as you left, Wukong never felt the same after seeing you🥵.

(HIB Wukong) Single dad meets another single dad, it's quite interesting set up. It all started when Luier and Silly girl became very fast friends with Jun de and Mei Lian, because the children had alot in common. Wukong and genuinely on the other head you have different mature views on each other, Wukong would occasionally blush as you compliment him on his face. You then asked him out as you were now truly interested in him, making Wukong purr and say yes with a Deep blush😳.

(MKR Wukong) You both met when Wukong was freaking out about his missing son fruity, and you're trying to fine your own twin cubs as well. You both would have arguments here and there, but it's mostly fuel by worry you both love your children and would do anything to find them. Then, a few hours later, you both found your children by a toy stall. As you scolded the twins, Wukong had looked you over one more time. He then purred into your pecs, asking for an for a hot Date with you and who were you to tell this cute little monkey no😏

(NR Wukong) He's biting his lips so hard upon seeing you at a motorcycle race one night, wasted no time cat calling you the whole night. You are so stern and firm with him to like oh yes daddy, scold me so good you should probably spank my bare ass infront of everyone 🤤 Wukong had almost blew an Gasket man he saw those back muscles of you wanting nothing more then to run his claws down your back. The final straw was learning you were a daddy of too, and what's hotter the a daddy of two, a single daddy of two. Wukong's boxers had totally disappeared at this point🫦

(Netflix Wukong) He tends to have big brother energy more then a dad enough, at least how your twins feel. Though you felt like a daddy to him as well, blushing as he would sit obediently as you brush and groom his fur. You would also come to cook 🍽 Making sure he gets his nutrients for the day especially his protein. Finally Wukong would play with the twins as you get into Chaos and mischief, while being home and cuddling you. Over all you might have accidents turned Wukong into a little, so don't be all that surprise when the little monkey king addresses you as daddy😚☺️🤭.

(BMW Wukong) Ohhhhhhhhhh hot single dad yes please🤤😏 Wukong immediately became quite infatuated with you. Your powerful ridiculously hot and Hunky and your good with kids, checking all the boxes and he immediately wants you. If he wants your clothes on his bedroom floor then he's gonna get it, especially when he can tease you about how domestic you both are together. With you both taking care of the twins he's on his knees at this point.

(Destined one) He couldn't make eye contact with you at first, because if he dare too he's going to need new pants. Your so firm, and loving, and sooooo hot the destined one wouldn't know what to do. You treated him so gently and kindly but you both would get dangerously close, with your hands under his shirt and his hands down your pants. He also loves and cares for the twins very much and would cater to and spend time with them, while you would go out and work to get some food thanks to your support. The Destined one loved Nothing more then to have you wreck him in bed, as a reward for being such a good daddy😘

FEEL FREE TO REBLOG

[naked-covered-in-bees]

“You’ve been back…” Dean plays with a bottle cap on the bar counter, digging the sharp edges into the pad of his finger. There is no real pain in heaven, but there is the echo. It’s enough to sate the impulse. “All this time, man? You’ve been up here?”

Next to him Cas hunches, his gaze strays from Dean. This is the conversation they’ve been avoiding. But the party has dwindled. Everyone else has wandered off to their own private corners of this endless arcadia.

Dean and Cas are alone now in Dean’s version of paradise, a dive that still smells like sawdust on the floor. Malt vinegar and burnt matches.

“No…” Cas clears his throat and deigns to turn in his stool, finally facing Dean. “That’s not quite true.”

“Explain it then.” Dean leans on his hand, pushing the cap across the counter toward Cas’s wrist. “Cause I gotta tell ya man, I…I missed you down there. To say the least. I couldn’t…” 

No. He shakes his head. Even in the safety of heaven, it’s hard to get this all out with some assurance that he’s not going to lay his heart bare and get it kicked.

“It was rough, that’s all,” he says instead. “All that time, I thought you were down in the Empty. Stuck under that shadow’s thumb.”

“I was,” Cas says, raising his eyes, just as big and ageless as they appeared to Dean the first they met. “Jack was conflicted about making an exception. Even for me. He wasn’t going to bring me back at all. I can’t blame him. His responsibilities are too great. And I’ve had so many chances.”

Still gotta sting though, Dean imagines. 

Not easy being god’s foster dad. 

“But you’re here now…” Dean frowns, dread welling up in his stomach. “I mean, it’s you, isn’t it? Or are you just…” Suddenly he can’t breathe with the horrible thought in his head. “Are you just some projection? Heaven makin’ up a fake Castiel to-”

“It’s me, Dean.” Cas’s hand covers his and Dean exhales, his shoulders dropping. “Jack brought me back the very moment you died. It was instant. He told me he had to.”

“Why’s that?” But he knows the reason already. He’s felt since the moment the reaper delivered him to this place.

“He said it would not be heaven for you without me,” Cas says. “And…for you in particular, considering your significant presence in the world, its spiritual history. He said to keep us apart would create a fracture. It would have split heaven and then the earth. And eventually hell and the empty, purgatory... He said he felt it coming as your soul left the earth. It sought my grace.”

“Man, speak plain, Cas,” Dean says, tears spilling down his cheeks. “I love you so fucking much it would fuck up the cosmos otherwise. Tell me you get it.”

“I-I do,” Cas says, and his wary mouth becomes an awe stuck grin. “I do.”

“So you gonna kiss me any time this eternity, you bastard or-”

Cas’s lips end his last complaints made to heaven.

[thesparkling-diamond27]

My Snowflake❄️

Fiyero Tigelaar x Reader

Summary: You and your boyfriend spend a fun day in the snow

A/n: This isn’t really a Christmas story, but it can be if you want it to be. This is a continuation of “Meet me under the mistletoe”, but you don’t have to read it to understand, the plot is explained, so prior knowledge isn’t necessary. I hope you enjoy!

Fiyero and I were both currently on my bed. My back was leaning against the headboard and Fiyero’s head was in my lap. Acasionally I would run my fingers through his hair whenever I turned the page.

“How much longer.” Fiyero whined from his spot on the bed.

“Not much longer.” I counted how many pages I had left until the end of the chapter, “I have about 5 pages left.”

Fiyero pouted and I kissed his lips.

“Just a little while longer love I promise.” I said.

Fiyero nodded in defeat before he started to play with one of my hands.

I read a couple more pages before Fiyero said, “Hey look it’s snowing.”

I looked away from my book and out the balcony doors and sure enough it was snowing.

“It is snowing. It’s beautiful.”

It really was a beautiful sight and it was the first snowfall of the year. Fiyero rose from his spot from my lap and walked over to the balcony doors. He looked out at the ground below before a huge smile spread across his face.

“Do you know what we should do?” Fiyero asked as he turned around to face me.

“What?” I asked.

“We should play in the snow?” He said with a smile, but I looked at him confused.

“You want to play in the snow?”

“Yeah it’s fun. Didn’t you do that as a kid?”

I shook my head and that caused Fiyero to immediately rush to my side and sit in front of me on my bed. He gave a look like I just told him that somebody died.

“You’re telling me that you’ve never played in the snow? You never built a snowman, made snow angels, went sledding, or had a snowball fight?”

“No I don’t think so. I lived in the Emerald city where there are a bunch of buildings. There’s no room to do any of that stuff.”

“Well we’re going to change that.”

Fiyero grabbed my book out of my hand and placed it on his nightstand, making sure to place the bookmark where I left off. He grabbed my coat from the coat rack and he held it up for me.

I stood from my bed and I allowed Fiyero to place my coat on me. I put a hat, scarf and gloves on as Fiyero did the same. When we were both suited up we both walked out of my room hand in hand.

On the way to the open field, I couldn’t help, but stare at Fiyero. He was extremely giddy as he began to list all the activities we could do in the snow and he looked like a kid on Christmas morning. It made me smile. Eventually we made it to the open feild.

“There’s enough snow for us to make a snowman. Do you want to start with that?” Fiyero asked.

“I don’t even know where to start so I guess we can.” I said with an excited grin.

Fiyero grinned back and then he led me to a patch of snow.

“Okay well first we have to gather a bunch of snow and compact it into a small ball.” Fiyero demonstrated as he explained. He gathered a bunch of snow and compacted it into a small ball.

Then little by little he added more snow to the small ball of snow and compacted it together. He continued to compact the ball with more snow until he created a small boulder sized ball of snow.

Fiyero stood up and created a tada pose, “Tada! The perfect base for a snowman. Now we just have to do it again, but on top of this one.”

I nodded and together the two of us started to assemble another ball of snow. I carefully watched Fiyero first, before I jumped in and began to help and in no time we had the middle section of the snowman.

Finally we moved on to the last ball of snow, the head, and when we were finished we took a step back and admired our snow sculpture.

“It’s beautiful.” I said.

“Yes it is darling, but it’s not done yet. Now we have to add the face and arms, and the three buttons.”

After Fiyero’s words I wasted no time in looking for sticks for arms. I don’t know what came over me, but all of a sudden I felt happy and giddy. I’ve never built a snowman before and I felt like a kid again.

As I crouched down to the ground to look for a decent sized stick, I didn’t realized Fiyero who was staring at me with a smile on his face.

I found two good sized sticks and I quickly ran over to Fiyero.

“Are these good sticks for arms?” I asked.

Fiyero looked down at the sticks in my hands.

“They’re perfect angel.” He said before he kissed the top of my head. “Put them on the snowman.”

I walked over to the snowman and I carefully stuck the sticks into the sides of the middle snow boulder. I took a few steps back and stood next to Fiyero.

“Now we need to make the face.”

Fiyero said.

He began to search for some pieces for the face and I went and did the same. I found two stones that looked similar enough to be eyes and I walked over to the snowman.

I saw Fiyero placing objects on the snowman’s face. He stepped back and the snowman had a big wide smile and three buttons going down in a line on the middle section. I giggled as I placed the two stones where the snowman’s eyes would be. I took a step back and inspected our work.

“Don’t snowmen have a carrot for a nose?” I asked.

“They do, but since we don’t have any, we’ll have to improvise.”

Fiyero walked up to the snowman and began to draw on his face. He walked back to me and I got a good look at the nose he drew.

It was a good looking nose, but it didn’t look too good on the snowman. I immediately burst into laughter.

“What? Why are you laughing.” But Fiyero was laughing himself.

“That nose looks so weird on the snowman.” I said through laughs.

“Well at least our snowman has a nose!”

My laughter finally died down.

“I suppose so.”

“Well I guess our snowman is complete.” Fiyero stated.

I looked back at the snowman and felt like it was missing something. Then an idea popped into my head. I took my scarf off and I wrapped it between the second and third boulder where the snowman’s shoulders would be.

“Now our snowman is complete.” I said. Fiyero chuckled before he placed a kiss on my lips.

“Now our snowman is complete.”

“Now what?” I asked.

“Well…” Fiyero had a mischievous look on his face and now I was afraid of what he was going to do. Word of advice. If you ever see a mischievous look on Fiyero’s face run before it’s too late.

However, it was too late for me because when I started to make a run for it he threw a snowball at the back of my head. I felt immediate cold as the snow hit my neck and went down my coat. I knew I’ll definitely be cold as soon as the snow melts.

I slowly turned around and saw Fiyero hunched over due to him laughing too hard. Oh so you want to play that game huh I thought. I grabbed a handfull of snow and began to compact it into a small ball.

As the snow molded into my hand I felt it getting firmer, opposite from the fluffy feeling the snow once had before.

Fiyero was too busy laughing, so I used this as my opportunity to pull the snowball back and throw it in the air. The snowball flew through the air in an arc shape, like a rainbow, before it hit Fiyero nice and hard right in the face.

Now I was one hunched over in laughter as I looked at Fiyero’s face that was now covered in snow. Fiyero had a grin on his face. Something that I wasn’t expecting to see.

“Oh it’s on!” Fiyero said before he began to gather some snow to make another snowball. I quickly did the same thing and me and Fiyero started a snowball fight. My first snowball fight.

We hit snowballs at each other to and fro. I hit Fiyero with my snowballs and he did the same. I even managed to dodge a few and I was pretty proud of myself for doing so.

I was now currently hiding behind the snowman we built, while I waited for Fiyero to make his next move.

“We can do this the easy way or the hard way.” Fiyero stated from the other side of the snowman and I could hear the smile in his voice.

“What’s the easy way?” I asked.

“You step out from behind the snowman and I hit you with the snowball in my hand.”

I laughed at his idea of the “easy way”. Yeah it was an easy way for him to beat me, but I wasn’t going to make it easy for him. If I was going to loose, I wasn’t going to go without a fight.

“I think I’ll take the hard way then.” I said.

“Hard way it is.” Fiyero chuckled.

I waited to see what he meant by the “hard way”, but my question was soon answered when something penetrated the snowman and the top half of the snowman fell on top of me. Now I was completely covered in snow.

I screamed with annoyance, but I couldn’t help, but laugh at the same time. Although I lost, and now completely covered in snow, I was having fun. I was having lots of fun.

“Okay you got me.” I said through laughter. “But can I hit you just once and you let me?”

“And why would I do that?”

“Because you love me and since I lost, the least you can do is let me hit you.”

Fiyero looked at me and I gave him my best pout.

“Fine, but only one snowball.”

“That’s all I’m asking.” I said as I began to gather some snow to make snowball. I fully compacted the snow into a ball and I looked up at Fiyero who was standing in a starfish position.

“I’m assuming you’re ready.” I said with laughter.

Fiyero nodded with a smile. I pulled back the snowball before I let it sore through the air and hit him right in the chest. He was pushed back by the force of my throw and fell face first into the snow.

I began to laugh at his fall, but I soon stoped when he laid motionless on the ground. I quickly ran to Fiyero and I quickly threw myself on the ground next to his body. His shoulders were shaking and I could only assume he was crying.

Oh Oz! I just injured my boyfriend.

I grabbed his shoulders and turned him around and my fear turned into relief when I realized that his shoulders were shaking because he was laughing. My relief turned into anger and I slapped his chest after realizing that he was faking.

“Why would you do that! I thought I hurt you!” I shouted.

“It was funny.” He said as he laughed from his spot on the ground.

I hit his chest again, but before I pulled away he pulled me onto his chest. The momentum of his pull caused me to roll over and Fiyero and I began to roll in the snow in each other’s arm.

Laughter left both of our mouths until we made a complete stop. We stopped with Fiyero on top of me and he softly smiled at me before he kissed my lips. I melted into it and I put my hands on the side of his face.

His lips were cold as ice, but his kiss made me feel warm and I felt cold and warm at the and time. After a while Fiyero pulled away and he laid down next to me on the ground. He slowly inched his hand towards mine and he laced our hands together.

I looked at his face next to mine and smiled and he smiled back. Then I looked up at the night sky. The stars were shining extra brightly tonight and I could see the constellations. I smiled when I noticed my favorite constellation.

“Do you see that line of stars there and the two lines that branch out from it?” I asked as I pointed at the constellation in the sky.

Fiyero squinted his eyes and with a little guidance he was able to see the constellation I was talking about.

“That’s the Gemini constellation. Also known as the twins. It’s my favorite constellation.”

“Is it because you’re a Gemini? Fiyero asked.

(A/n: it could be any zodiac constellation if you would like it to be. I just chose Gemini because that’s my zodiac sign)

I nodded.

“My mother and I would go to the roof of our apartment building, lay down on a blanket, and look up at the stars. She taught me all the different constellations in the sky. It’s been a while since I looked at the stars, since I’m here at Shiz now.”

Fiyero said nothing, so I turned to look at him and he was already looking at me.

“Well if you want, the two of us can look at the starts together more often. Since you can’t look at them much with your mom anymore because you’re here.”

“Really?”

“Really. If you love to do it. Then I love to do it.”

I smiled at his words.

“I love you.” I said.

“I love you too.”

We smiled at each other before we both looked up at the sky. We both sat in silence in the cold and in the snow. I’m sure that tomorrow morning we would probably be sick in bed.

“So we built a snowman, which is now destroyed, and had a snowball fight, so now what?” I asked.

Fiyrero thought for a moment before saying, “Since we’re both already on the ground, why don’t we make snow angels!”

“How do we do that?” I asked.

“Your little knowledge of playing in the snow makes me so sad.”

“I guess these fun activities are a Winkie Country tradition.” I said.

“I guess so. Just like how the mistletoe is a tradition from the Emerald City.”

I nodded.

“You must have thought I was so stupid for not knowing the purpose of hung mistletoe.”

“I didn’t think you were stupid. I just thought you weren’t getting any of my hints!”

“Well I wasn’t, but not in the way that you thought.”

I giggled thinking about when Fiyero was confused with why I was so “obsessed” with mistletoe for a week. Only for me to come and find out that he didn’t know that mistletoe was meant for kissing.

“Well you know now.” I said.

“Yeah I do.”

Then I realized we got sidetracked.

“Snow angels.”

“Right.” Fiyero said. He scooched away from me a little bit, so that we both could have enough room to make a snow angel.

“Now you lay on the grand in a star position like this.” Fiyero said as he laid in the snow like a starfish. Just like how he was earlier except he was now laying on the ground.

“Then you move your arms and legs like this.” He started to move his arms up and down and his legs side to side.

After looking at what Fiyero was doing, I copied his actions and after a while Fiyero and I stood up to look at our snow angels. I looked down at them and they in fact looked liked angels in the snow.

“They do look like angels!” I said.

Fiyero chuckled at my excitement and nodded.

“I want to make another one!” I said. I walked over to a clear patch of snow and laid down to make another one. Fiyero laughed at my antics before he joined me in the snow.

We made about a dozen more snow angels, 6 each, and now we looked down at our garden of snow angels.

“What a masterpiece.” I said.

“An all over the place masterpiece, but still a masterpiece nonetheless.”

I lightly punched him in the ribs and he lightly pushed me in return.

“Does this commence our day of playing in the snow?” I asked.

“I would say no, but I don’t have a sled for us to slide down on, so I guess our day in the snow has come to an end.”

I pouted and Fiyero brought me into his arms.

“We could play again in the snow tomorrow snowflake.”

“Snowflake?” I looked at him curiously.

“Well we just finished a pretty fun day in the snow and I want to commemorate the day somehow. Snow doesn’t sound right, and I already call you angel (snow angel), so snowflake is the only choice. It’s snow and it describes you. Graceful, and delicate, but strong at the same time.”

I smiled at his explanation. “I love it.”

“Good because you’re my snowflake.”

Fiyero brushed his nose against mine and rested his forehead on my forehead. I didn’t want this moment to end, but I pulled away.

“I love this moment and all, but I’m freezing.” I said with chattered teeth.

“Let’s get you inside then.” He brought his arm over my shoulder and began to guide me back to the dorm, but I stopped him.

“Wait can we build the snowman once again?”

Fiyero looked back at the snowman and then back at me. My nose and cheeks were probably a crimson red and my lips chapped, which is probably why Fiyero had a conflicted look on his face. However, he could never say no to my pleading and the two of us began to rebuild the snowman.

About half of the snowman was destroyed, so we had to build the top part of the second snow boulder and then the head. When we finished again, we looked at our snowman one more time before we left to go back into the dorm.

We arrived back to my dorm and I shivered as I took off my coat.

“I’m going to take a shower just to warm up.” I said.

“Okay take your time.” Fiyero said with a smile.

I smiled back and then retreated to my roommate and I’s shared bathroom. I took my time with washing my hair, and then scrubbing off all the snow that I acquired (mainly from Fiyero).

Once I was done, I was all toasty and warm and I got dressed in the bathroom, before walking into my room to see Fiyero laying on my bed.

“Took you long enough. My shower was quick and easy. I’ve aged 30 years waiting for you to be done.” Fiyero said.

“I wanted to warm up, because someone thought it would be a good idea to dump a bunch of snow on me with their snowball.”

“Hey don’t hate the player hate the game.” Fiyero said with a smirk.

I laughed at his words, but I still chucked him in the face with one of my pillows, which caused him to laugh. I climbed into my bed and found my usual spot in Fiyero’s arms. He began to play with my hair, something he usually did.

“Thank you.” I said.

“For what?”

“For making me feel like a kid again.”

“Well in that case, you’re welcome snowflake.” He kissed the top of my head.

“That nickname is going to stick isn’t it? No pun intended.”

Fiyero laughed. “I’m afraid it will darling.” And then he brought me into a sweet and gentle kiss.

…

The next morning, I woke up and something felt off. I felt something in my throat, so I coughed a wet cough before I sneezed. Well I guess my predictions last night were right. I did get sick I thought.

I look over at Fiyero who was still snoozing with his arm around my waist. I slowly lifted his arm off of me, careful not to wake him, and I made my way to the balcony doors.

I looked down below and saw the snowman that Fiyero and I built. It was still standing in the frigid cold and that brought a smile to my face. I wonder how long it would last. A couple days maybe? A week? I smiled at the thought.

Playing in the snow was something I would never forget and it’s all thanks to Fiyero. I know for certain that playing in the snow will be something the both of us will do more often.

I heard a series of coughs and I turned around to see Fiyero sitting up in bed. He wiped at his eyes and he honestly looked awful, but he still looked handsome in my eyes. He probably was sick like me.

I cleared my throat before I said, “Hello love how are you feeling?” I walked back to my bed.

“Awful.”

I laughed before I climbed back into bed.

“Me too, but we have all day to do nothing in bed.”

“Sounds like a perfect day.”

And before I knew it Fiyero had pulled me back into bed and shortly after we both fell back asleep in each other’s arms

[secretswiftymarvelfan]

Boston Bears: Off-Limits - Rugby Player!Chris x Reader (Epilogue) AND Boston Bears: Fake Out - Rugby Player! Ari x Reader (Part 1 SNEAK PEAK)

Summary: A year has passed since the championship final and it's a rare opportunity to watch Chris play from the stands

Word Count: 707 words

Warnings: Fluff! Mention of Past Sexual Harrassment! Allusion to SMUT! 18+ ONLY

Rugby Explained

Dividers by Me!

Series Masterlist / Masterlist

Epilogue

1 year later

It was very rare for you to watch a rugby game from the stands. You were generally on the sidelines, watching and making sure you were ready to run on at a moment's notice. It meant you could never really properly enjoy the match.

It was a different story today though. Instead of your navy blue Boston Bears tracksuit and medical bib, you were wearing a white jersey with red and blue stripes and Chris’ name on the back.

You cheered loudly from the stands in the French stadium, watching Chris play in the first World Cup match of the tournament. You thought you would be the loudest person in the stadium but to your surprise, Tommi was shouting and cheering much louder than you. 

“He’s off his feet sir!” Tommi shouted gesturing to the ruck.

If you had told her two years ago that she would have travelled all the way to France for a rugby game she would have died laughing. Yet here she was, lots has changed over the last year and a bit.

One major change was Bryce’s career. Exactly a year after you left the Lion the news broke that an investigation was being launched against Bryce for several sexual harassment allegations. The head coach got in touch with you and asked you to provide a testimony on what Bryce had done to you. You had been apprehensive to go through it all again but Chris promised to be by your side the entire time. He even missed a game to do so. Thanks to you and the other women who came forward, Bryce’s career was over. It took a whole year but you finally had your justice.

“Oh my god ref are you blind!” Tommi shouted.

You chuckled and shook your head as you turned your attention back to the game. It wasn’t long until the final whistle blew and the two of you could make your way down to the sidelines.

Chris smiled as soon as he saw you, his chest still heaving as he caught his breath following an intense match. He always looked so sexy after a match, his hair was always a mess, the veins were bulging in his arms. Energy would radiate off of him which made the rest of the stadium disappear.

He walked over to you and enveloped you in a tight hug. Anyone else would feel a little grossed out because of how sweaty he was but you didn’t care. The two of you spent plenty of time getting sweaty together and it never bothered you.

“Sorry that you guys lost,” you said rubbing his biceps soothingly.

He shrugged his shoulders “We knew it was gonna be tough going against the hosts but I think we did well” 

“You did very well, I’m very proud of you” You smiled reaching up to kiss him.

“Thank you sweetheart” he grinned “Knowing you were out there wearing my jersey definitely helped” 

“I can wear it later if you want” you smirked.

“I want you to only wear it, and this of course” Chris smirked as he lifted your left hand, this thumb brushing past the ring on your fingers.

“I think I can do that” you smiled. 

Chris had proposed to you on the anniversary of the championship win. He had admitted that he planned to do it earlier on the anniversary of when you first met but with everything that went down with Bryce, he decided to hold off. It was a beautiful May evening, the stadium was deserted when he led you onto the pitch right to the centre before getting down on one knee and asking you the most important question you’ll ever have to answer. You had barely let him finish when you squealed yes multiple times and tackled him to the floor in a massive hug. The sound of his laughter echoed around the stadium as you landed on top of him. 

“God I love you so much” he beamed as he cupped your cheeks.

“I love you more” you smiled reaching up to first kiss the tip of his nose before landing on his lips, the ones you’ll call home for the rest of your life. 

Boston Bears: Fake Out - Rugby Player! Ari Levinson x Reader

A/N: Just a quick reminder that the reader from Off-Limits has now become an OFC called Elena and Tommi is now our reader!

Word Count: 796 words

Warnings: Language! Mention of Masterbation! Minor Angst!

Rugby Explained

Dividers by Me!

Boston Bears Masterlist / Masterlist

“Levinson is everything okay?” the head coach questioned with an arched brow “Everything at home?” 

Ari felt his defences go up all of a sudden “Perfect” he stated “Can I go to training now or is there more to say on how I won’t represent my country?”

Once again the head coach didn’t react, nothing more than clench his jaw “No” he said gesturing for Ari to leave. 

Ari did exactly that, storming out of the media room. The door slammed loudly behind him. He couldn’t wait to get to the weight room where he could work through his frustrations which were only getting worse. 

He was so caught up in his anger that he wasn’t really looking where he was going. He turned a corner and ran straight into someone. He looked down to see a woman he didn’t recognise, her hair up in a messy bun, and baggy clothes. She certainly didn’t work here, and only staff and players were allowed in the building.

She stuttered an apology but Ari’s anger and frustration that had been simmering since the match on Saturday boiled over “Who the hell are you? You know you can’t be back here? What are you a fan desperate for an autograph or media desperate for a scoop?” He demanded.

The woman stuttered slightly before completely breaking down in tears. Ari scoffed in frustration and moved to step around her, he’d have to go find security to deal with this. 

He’d just stepped around her when he heard someone speak up behind him “Y/N? What on earth are you doing here?” Elena said.

Ari turned around and saw Chris and Elena standing there. Elena had a look of shock on her face, while Chris was frowning at Ari. He then glanced back down at the woman beside him who was sobbing. It took him a moment but he then recognised you. You were the bombshell that had him by the balls from the moment he met you back in late April. 

“What the fuck Levinson” Chris demanded as Elena rushed over and hugged you. 

“I- I didn’t-“ Ari stuttered, shaking his head in disbelief.

“What's wrong? Why on earth are you here?” Elena asked you softly.

“I’m sorry I meant to call yesterday but I forgot and- and-“ you stuttered before breaking down into sobs again. 

“Hey, hey, hey it’s okay let’s get you out of here” Elena said shooting a glare up at Ari before wrapping an arm around you and leading you away.

Chris watched as Elena took you away and out of sight before turning back to Ari “What the hell man? Why’d you yell at her? Why’d you upset her like that?” Chris demanded.

Ari shook his head unable to think of a reason “I didn’t even recognise her” he muttered “I thought she was a crazed fan or something”

“You shouldn’t have yelled at her even if she was!” Chris argued shaking his head at him.

“I know… I- I fucked up” Ari admitted.

Fucked up was an understatement. From the moment he set eyes on you in that hotel bar you captured his attention and never let go. You looked absolutely stunning in the red sundress you’d been wearing, a beautiful smile on your face as you laughed with Elena. He’d felt this tugging sensation that drew him closer and he knew he had to at least say hello. 

He’d been secretly devastated when you held out your hand and showed off your engagement ring. He’d only just met you, he knew nothing about you but he found himself cursing the universe that he’d met you too late. He hadn’t missed his chance, he never had one. Yet despite all that he couldn’t just drop it, he wanted to get to know you, flirt with you. Maybe he hoped that your relationship was on the rocks and he had a chance, that he couldn’t leave LA without even trying. Maybe he hoped it would get you out of his system.

It didn’t.

He hadn’t stopped thinking about you for the last 5 months. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he’d fantasised about you, and thought of you whenever he needed to find a release. Ari was no stranger to finding hookups but he hadn’t even managed to do that because he couldn’t get you out of his mind.

He kicked himself for the way he behaved. If you didn’t want him before, you definitely wouldn’t want him now after he made you cry. His heart ached as he replayed the moment your face crumpled, your left hand moving to cup your mouth as if you could stop yourself from crying.

Wait.

“She wasn’t wearing her ring” Ari muttered as he looked over at Chris.

A/N: I am so sad to be sharing the offical ending of Chris' story but so excited to share the first proper sneak peak into Ari's story which will go live in the New Year!!! and for those of you who will miss Chris and his medic as you can see they will definitely be featuring in future stories! See you in the New Year!

Sharing is caring so please reblog and leave a comment to really make my day!

This series has no schedule, please don’t ask when it will be updated! Same goes for Masterlist, AO3 and Wattpad!

Off-Limits Series Masterlist / Boston Bears Masterlist / Masterlist

I don’t have a taglist but follow @secretswiftymarvelfanlibrary​ and turn on post notifications to stay up to date!

[myveryownfanfiction]

Rickmas day 22: shivering certainty

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO DNI

Tags: @illiana-mystery, @iobsessoverfictionalmen, @deepperplexity, @smilingformoney

warnings: swearing, mention of death, hans fakes his death

A chill went down my spine as I stood next to the get away car. The boys would be piling into the ambulance by now but all time had stopped as I watched someone fall from the top of the building. My eyes were trained on the body, watching as it landed. Shaking, I climbed into the car and started it up. I dialed the phone as I drove, being careful to stay away from police cars and blockades.

“pick up. Pick up dammit.” I muttered as the phone continued to ring. Hanging up in frustration I tried again. “Hans you fucking ass. Pick up the damn phone. Prove to me it isn’t you. Prove it isn’t you who took a dive.” The ringing continued in my ear as I refused to hang up a second time. “Son of a bitch!” I screamed as I pulled over in front of a hotel. It wasn’t the rendezvous point but I needed a second. I slammed the phone down as tears fell down my cheeks. The radio kicked in as I laid my head on the wheel.

“The hostage situation at nakatomi plaza has finally ended. Police confirmed that the man who fell from the 30th floor was in fact the leader of the situation, Hans Gruber. It is reported that he died from injuries sustained in the fall. Also found dead were a large number of terrorists as well as one of the hostages. Another hostage has reportedly gone into premature labor due to stress she experienced throughout the night. One member of the terrorist group was taken into custody in the parking garage.” The reporter said as I lifted my head.

“Theo.” I whispered, fresh tears streaming down my face. Wiping them away with the back of my hand, I threw the car back into drive and took off down the highway. I passed by nakatomi plaza and saw them loading stretchers covered with sheets into the back of an ambulance. I bit my lip to stop from crying again as I continued to the rendezvous point. There wasn’t any point in going there now but if Theo was in custody, I had to grab the go bags. If there were police there I could keep driving until I reached the final point. I sighed as I noticed a large police presence at the motel we’d picked. Theo hadn’t wasted any time talking. Picking up the phone, I dialed the only other number I had memorized.

“Hans?” My breath hitched as Simon answered the phone.

“sorry Simon.” I said, trying to keep my voice even. “Hans…uh Hans didn’t…”

“shit.” Simon cursed. “Get to the airfield. We’re taking off as soon as you get here.”

“copy.” I said before hanging up. I floored it and made it to the hanger in record time. Slamming on the breaks, the tires squealed as I stopped next to the plane. I got out and grabbed what I could from the car. “Simon! A little help!” I yelled. Simon appeared in the doorway and ran down to grab the rest of the bags.

“but them in the cabin. They’ll never check there should we get stopped.” I nodded as I climbed into the plane. I tossed the bags into the passenger seat before turning around and freezing.

“hello darling.” Hans said, smiling before taking a drink. I blinked at him. “Miss me?”

“Hans? You…but you…fell…” I stammered. “Thirty stories…” Hans came over and hugged me.

“I know sweetheart. I know.” He pressed a kiss to my head. Simon climbed in as Hans led me to a seat.

“you didn’t tell them?” Simon grumbled as he readied the plane for take off. Hans shrugged with a smirk. “Dumbass.”

“And ruin the surprise?” He teased. “Just get us out of here safely baby brother. We have some catching up to do.” Hans said as he led me to the bed in the back of the plane, kissing my head softly as I tried to wrap my head around everything.

“but you died.” I stuttered, looking at Hans. He kissed me softly before gently pushing me on the bed.

“I know darling. It was a decoy.” He soothed, caging me in with another kiss. “Let me prove it to you.” I nodded as I laid back, letting hans climb on top of me as he proved he survived.

[rhaellatully]

B-Side (Fanfiction)

AO3

FF.net

AN/ Congratulation to Arcane for making me write again after 4 years... I really need to get back to my WIPs...

Anyway, a very very big thank you to @beforetimes who beta this fic and made it some much better (and also went through the trouble of correcting all of my mistakes)

She looks at her father in the eye one more time before she pulls the pin. She doesn’t hear the boom, instead she sees this orb, and she is being torn apart by it. The world spins around her. It pulls her in all directions. She can’t tell where is up or down. She wants to throw up. It spins, it shakes, she can’t see, until the kaleidoscope appears. She doesn’t hear the boom, but she hears her screams.

Something escapes her hands, followed by a loud noise. Beer spills on a wooden floor. 

Jinx stares at her hands: something is... different. Are her nails shorter and-

“Everything alright, Powder?”  A familiar voice calls.

She turns around and looks up. And there he is, standing behind the bar, like he always did.

“Vander?”

He looks normal, but older. Grey hairs and wrinkles are accentuated by the frown on his face.

“Are you okay?” He says, a worried look on his face.

Jinx saw and heard him so many times before, but never like this. He looks like he should have been. Like the doctor never found him. Like she never gave him to the doctor. Like she never killed him the first time, or the second. Like she never jinxed him.

What is going on? They should be dead. They were meant to die together. To free Vi from all the pain and suffering they bring. All the horrors she created were meant to be blown away. Reduced to ashes. Nothing but a bad memory. One that the Piltie would kiss away and make better.

So, why?

Vander is stepping away from the bar now. He’s coming toward her. She doesn’t know how to move anymore. She can’t run, but she can’t stay. 

The bell rings. Her head snaps toward it and the air is gone from her lungs. Mylo and Claggor walk toward her. They’re different too. They’re bigger. Claggor’s cheeks are smaller. Mylo’s hair is shorter than it should, and he has this moustache. They never looked like this, she never thought of them looking like this before. They’re different but they’re good different.

Vander’s hand is on her shoulder. It’s warm, so warm. His other hand came to wipe away a tear she hadn’t realised was on her face.

“What’s going on Powder?”

Uh, she made it to heaven, somehow.

She’s good different too, she finds out, looking at herself in the mirror after Vander sends her downstairs. He thinks she pulled one-too-many all nighters lately. Yet, the bags under her eyes are the smallest she’s ever seen. Her cheeks also look fuller. Her hair is shorter- no longer, she had cut it, then Ekko fixed it shorter. And there’s this pink strand, the same colour as Vi’s hair.

And her eyes too, no more shimmer, probably no more use for it here.

She doesn’t get to look at them for long, because a hand comes to cover them. In less than a second she spins her attacker around and he’s pinned against the wall. 

“Ouch! Sorry! Sorry!”

With trembling hands, she lets go of him.

“Ekko?” She asks, and a part of her wants to be wrong, wants him to have survived the battle. He had his time loop thingy, he shouldn’t have been able to lose. He should be alive, he has no business being here. He’s the boy savior. Unless he sacrificed himself to save someone, or everyone. He shouldn’t have died. People like her should die, not people like him. He wanted to make a good world, a better world. That’s what he should be doing, not being dead here with her.

But then, he gives her that kind smile as he rubs the back of his neck.

“Okay, I won’t try to surprise you anymore.” He says, and she doesn’t care anymore.

He’s dragging her through the streets as she tries to keep up while having no idea where they’re going. He won’t let go of her hand. He grabbed it at the Last Drop, and insisted that they had to go. She wanted to ask where, but lost the ability the second they stepped out. 

Zaun is good different, too. There’s so much light. The air smells better and it feels easier to breathe, almost like Topside. The buildings are not on the verge of collapsing. The people are walking around carefree, the children are running down the street laughing.

Heaven is a nice place.

They reach the bridge, there are no barricades, just shops, people and enforcers who look... friendly. She remembers the bridge of her life. She passes the spot where her parents died. A man is selling food there. 

Ekko guides her to where they could have died together and she loses her footing. He catches her. 

“Sorry,” he says, an apologetic smile on his face, “Maybe we should walk.”

Jinx wants to say no, because if they are not running, why would he hold her hand? But he doesn’t let go. 

They reach their destination. It’s the academy. She doesn’t understand what they’re doing here. Or why so many people are trying to get there. Ekko keeps walking but she doesn’t move. He stops rather than letting go of her hand.

He smiles at her again.

“I’m sure we made it. They’ve increased the number of seats available again. And even if they hadn’t, we’re not the ones who need it.”

She thinks she understands what he’s saying, but it doesn’t make sense. It can’t make sense.

He starts walking, and she follows all the way to the walls where the results of the entrance exam are plastered. 

“Let’s start at the bottom.” he says, and she lets him. Because if their names are on the boards somewhere, it has to be at the bottom, right? They’re brilliant, she knows it, but the Pilties and their academies care more for prim and proper language than groundbreaking ideas. Even with all the brains in the world, all it takes is one Piltie with a nice bag of money and their sit goes to someone else. Why bother trying? Just to be stuck in a classroom full of Pilties and fancy professors trying to teach them stuff they could learn on their own from books. They’d have easy access to the library, though.

They make their way up and their names don’t seem to be there. He seems so focused, as if he was looking for the solution to a complex equation. She sees him swallow hard as his hand rises higher. Will she see his face break again?

Then he laughs his hand is at the top of the board, and so are their names. Ekko first place, her second. 

“How?” It escapes her lips before she can think ‘it’s heaven, of course they’re there’. But Jinx never wanted to join the academy. So, why?

“Did you fill out the exam in crayon?” He asks with that damn smile on his face. 

Right, it’s his heaven too.

“We’re in the fucking academy,” she says, and she hears him laugh again.

This time he grabs her and swipes her off her feet. He spins her around once, before putting her down, still holding her. His forehead pressed against hers. She’s crying again. She doesn’t know why. 

Ekko’s hands leave her sides to grab her face again. His thumbs wipe away the tears. And he looks at her, that same way he looked at her toward the end. There’s something she doesn’t understand in his eyes. Until he looks down at her lips. Is he going to… kiss her?

He leans toward her, she leans away. He freezes and looks at her, confused. She leans toward him. Their lips meet. It’s nicer than she imagined.

Heaven really is a nice place.

They return to the Last Drop. The second they walk through the door, silence falls, and all the heads turn toward them. Everyone is here; Vander, Mylo, Claggor, Benzo. She sees more familiar faces around, and even Babette is looking at her with hope in her eyes.

“We made it!” shouts Ekko, and cheers erupt all around them.

Mylo almost runs at her arms stretched out, she expects him to strangle her, but he hugs her. She doesn’t have time to react before Claggor joins him. Jinx feels warm, like the sun itself is holding her.

“Vi would be so proud of you,” Mylo whispers and she feels cold all over.

She thinks she’s going to cry again, but she hears someone say, “Let her breathe.”

She almost fights her way out of their arms to turn around.

He’s here.

And he’s good different, too.

His eye. He doesn’t need her to give him his medicine. His scar doesn’t look as bad as it used to. He stands straighter. His skin is pinker. 

His smile is brighter than she’s ever seen it.

“Well done, Powder,” he says as he hugs her, “I knew you’d do great.”

“Silco,” she doesn’t cry, this time she laughs.

Heaven really is a place worth dying for.

The next day she’s nursing a violent hangover.

“I’ve never seen you indulge yourself so much before.” Vander tells her.

“Oh, she deserves it!” Silco joins in, “Before long, the two of them will be sitting on the Council.”

“Or not, if they don’t want to.”

“Of course!”

“As happy as I am to see the two of you like this, can you go do it elsewhere? My head is killing me.”

“Of course, Powder.”

It feels weird to hear Silco call her that, but she could get used to it.

She feels better in the afternoon when Ekko comes to find her. He says they should go tell Vi. She doesn’t understand what he means. But ever since she died, she’s learned to go with the flow.

They go to her lair. Even that place is brighter and warmer. There are different trinkets everywhere, and railings. It still feels like her, but a different her. A happier her, maybe.

They go to the tent. There’s a shrine to Vi. Why is there a shrine to Vi? She survived, she made sure she survived, so she can’t be here, but why is there a shrine?

“She looks so young,” Jinx comments when she looks at the painting of Vi.

Ekko takes her hand as they sit down. “If she could see you…” He doesn’t finish, Jinx is grateful for it.

She will see me, she wants to say, when she dies too she’ll see all of this and she’ll love it.

Jinx is making her way to Benzo’s shop with food to share with Ekko when she sees her. Her hair is brown again. She’s running around with a group of children, laughing so hard as she does. She knew they would meet here eventually. She skips toward her. Her heart swells with every step that brings her closer to her. 

She sees her trip on the ground. Jinx gaps and starts running, but another woman gets to her first. She picks her up and starts whispering sweet things at her.

They have the same eyes.

It makes sense. It’s heaven, so Isha has her first family back too. She’s safe and happy. And she doesn’t need Jinx. 

That’s a good thing. 

So why does her heart ache?

“Are you okay?” Ekko asks her.

“Yeah.” She doesn’t want to talk about Isha with him, especially when she has no reason to feel bad. Isha is with her other family, and so is she. It would have been better if they had never met anyway.

“Pow-pow,” Ekko calls to make her look at him, “ever since the entrance exam result, you’ve been… different. Are you still unsure?”

“No.” Well, maybe I never wanted to go to this academy anyway.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I just think with it, we can accomplish great things. There’s still so much to do for the undercity. And I know that together, we can do anything.”

Jinx has heard that last one before, when they were getting ready to go kick some Noxian butts. She smiles.

I am glad we died together this time.

After a while in the tunnels she recognises the way they’re going. He’s taking her to the Firelight’s hideout. She remembers when he first took her there, after she had let the grenade fall beneath them and let him guide her out of her lair. He had shown her his mural with her face at the centre. To remember and honour everyone they’ve lost. 

“To keep them in our hearts and move forward,” he had said, handing her paint, “What did she look like?”

And Isha had joined the mural as close to her as possible.

Jinx wonders what this place is now. Maybe there are people living there. Ekko had built this place to be a refuge. People don’t need  a refuge like back when she was alive here, though. It could be a playground, there were so many children there. Maybe here it belongs to them, and they play all day, just like she and Ekko did in the junkyard.

There’s water on the floor, it’s not deep, but it splashes when they walk. Once they’re inside she looks up, and freezes.

This is Vi. Her Vi. She’s not supposed to- Why is she-? How is she-?

Her breath quickens and they all start screaming at her. 

What have you done? You’ve managed to kill one of us after all! Why are you surprised? You’re a jinx. You cannot change your own nature. Jinx! You will never belong in heaven! Why would any God let you in? So that you can burn the place to the ground! You’re going to jinx us all again! This is a special hell crafted just for you! You’re a jinx! You’re not meant to be happy. Murderers don’t get happiness. You jinx everything!

“Shut up!” she shouts, throat raw.

She runs away. When she hears Ekko shouting after her, she runs faster.

She ran but had no idea where to run. She couldn’t go to her lair, it was different, it wasn’t hers. Nothing here was hers. Not the Last Drop and not the wrong Vander, or wrong Silco, Mylo, Claggor, or wrong everyone.

She ran to the cannery, this was a place for her. The place of Jinx’s birth. That’s where she belongs. But as she got closer she noticed the people going toward it. They looked sick and broken. This should have been a good sign but when she got there she saw in large bold letters the word ‘hospital’.

They have hospitals, the fucking cannery became a hospital.

Jinx ran away from that too. She went into the fissures, where the Grey still filled the air. They hadn’t fully eliminated it, they couldn’t fix everything. 

She sat down where she could see it fester below without coughing her lungs out. That’s where he found her, because of course he found her.

“You’re not my Powder, are you?” She hears him call behind her.

She chuckles humorlessly, “Nope, I’m Jinx.” Now, go away.

“Are you from the same place as the other Ekko?”

She sighs, “I guess.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Was he ever going to leave? “I didn’t realise- he didn’t give me details, okay!”

She needs him to shut up. To stop talking to her as if she was Powder. To not be so nice to her. To not be here. She can feel him standing away from her. She can picture his face, with his eyes full of hope, just like that day on the edge of the turbine. She doesn’t want to see this fake Ekko and his perfect life with his perfect Powder. 

“Are you okay?”

Why does he have to be like this? Why is it that in every universe he’s like that? Always trying to save her.

“I’m not Powder, okay? Now leave.”

“Look, I’m just trying to help you.”

She turns to face him. He looks worried: of course he does. He doesn't understand that she's nothing like her.

“Just because I have her face doesn’t mean you have to care.”

“Actually you have more than her face, you are inhabiting her body.” He says with a cheeky look on his face, as if they were friends.

“Well, I don’t know how to leave it, so…”

“Powder, Heimerdiger and the other Ekko created a machine that could send him back. With their notes I’m sure we can figure it out.”

“Good for you.”

Powder and Heimerdiger aren’t here anymore. If he wants to build his machine, let him have a crack at it, but leave her out of it. Give the machine to her, she’ll probably find a way to blow the entire city up with it.

“Look, Powder-”

“Jinx! My name is Jinx.” She almost screams it at him. He flinches, and that’s how it should go.

“He did say you were different.” He says, not backing down, always the brave one.

“Oh, really?”

“He also said your ideas changed the world.”

She burst out laughing. That’s one way to put it!

“Do you know what I’ve done? Did he tell her?”

He looks at her with the same terror her Ekko used to. She laughs, almost manically. The way only a Jinx would laugh. The laugh that does nothing but scare people.

“I’ve killed them,” Jinx whispers at him and laughs some more, even when nothing feels funny at all. “Vander, Mylo and Claggor, all in one go. Silco too,” she pauses, “But that was later.” She gives him her smile and it makes him flinch. “And I killed so many of your friends in between.”

He stares at her and says nothing. 

“And I killed them on purpose! Unlike everyone else. Everyone who gets close to me dies… one way or another. Except you. The boy saviour always makes it.”

Jinx sits back on her spot. He should leave now: Jinx can tell that he’s scared. He should leave before she jinxes him, too. She can hear his footsteps, but they’re not getting softer. They’re getting louder.

He sits next to her. “I gave her the tip.”

Jinx looks up at him. 

“I gave her the tip, and they all went while having no idea what was actually up there. If I hadn’t they would never have found the crystals. They would never have fallen to the ground. There would never have been an explosion. If it weren’t for me, Vi would still be alive.” He sighed, it’s a heavy sigh, filled with sorrow. “Everyone tells me it’s not my fault, but there’s still a part of me that,” He pauses to take a shaky breath, “That still feels like I killed her.”

There are no tears in his eyes, but she hears them in his voice.

“It’s not the same. You couldn’t have known there'd be an explosion, it was a good tip.”

“Whatever you did to kill them, did you know it would?”

Jinx doesn’t have the strength to answer, so she just cries. Because she didn’t know. She only wanted to help. 

In between sobs, she lets out, “What about everyone else?”

“I don’t know, you’ll have to ask your Ekko.”

Going through the notes is more difficult than she thought. They don’t use big fancy words like Talys and his partner did, but the doodles, the discussion in the margins, all the little things in the pages tell her how much fun they had. He had more fun with me.

Or maybe, he only had fun with her when he thought of the other her.

Other Ekko works dutifully on the project. Seemingly unbothered by her, which still baffles her. He probably doesn’t understand what she is, and what she’s done. 

It’s better not to explain it to him. Just get back and then… 

The first night, when their stomachs start to growl, he proposes to go “home” to eat. She can’t. She refuses, and when he ducks out anyway, he comes back with food. Says he told the others they were working on a project, that they let him come back here, but are worried.

Powder doesn’t go around disappearing. Jinx hopes they finish this fast.

Working with this Ekko is not the same as working with her Ekko, but it’s close enough. There’s something about the way they bounce ideas off of each other. Like the gears inside her head turn faster. It brings her back to when they were children, when they were searching for books in trash, trying to understand mechanisms by taking gadgets apart and rebuilding them. There’s something comforting about it. But it lacks the excitement of working with her Ekko. 

She always ends up thinking of the days they spent preparing to fight the Noxians. Making her lair airborne had been a crazy idea that somehow worked. Jinx couldn’t have done it with this world’s Ekko; he wouldn’t have taken the risk. 

That’s the thing about her Ekko–he’s a daredevil. He’ll jump off an airship to reach his goal. He’d face an explosion again and again to save her. Was he always like that? Or is it just having her around that makes him as crazy as she is? 

She believed that when she pulled the pin, but now, with this Ekko, the one who has never met a Jinx before, she sees cracks. He will redraw the same schematics six times, perfectly identical, always. He will violently rip off pages of his notebook and throw it away when he realizes he‘s made a mistake. He forgets to eat. Apparently it happens when he’s focused and Powder is the one to remind him, usually. He starts breathing really fast and clutching his head one day, because he has just realized he made a mistake yesterday. 

Maybe that’s not something she screwed up, then. Maybe her Ekko was always a bit insane, too.

“It’s the power source,” she says one day, “We’re screwed.”

“What do you mean?”

“What they used were crystal shards, not a real Hex-crystal. That’s why Heimerdiger had to step out to make adjustments during the process.”

“To redirect the energy!” He exclaims before rushing toward Vi’s shrine.

“We don’t have an actual crystal, we can’t-”

Before she can finish, Ekko shows her a bag full of crystals.

“We had sworn to never use them,” he explains, “but given the circumstances, I think she’ll understand.”

She didn’t want to go back to the Last Drop. What would she do there? Talk to the other Vander, Silco, Claggor and Mylo, and pretend that she was their Powder? As if she had any idea how to be like her. She’d probably manage to kill them, too, given enough time. But then the other Ekko had told her, “why don’t you let yourself enjoy some of your time here? your me definitely did.”

They had been humour in his tone and she had no idea what he meant, but her curiosity had pushed her to take his advice. If spending time with those people had led Ekko to want to see her again, then she’d like to know what he had seen.

So now Jinx sits at a diner table with Claggor at her right, Mylo at her left and Silco and Vander across from her.  

“So what’s that project you guys are working on?” Claggor asks with excitement in his voice.

“Secret,” she answers before stuffing her mouth.

The food was rich in taste and homely, Vander must have cooked it, it tastes like something from a memory.

“Since when do you keep secrets?”

A cold chill washed over her. Coming here was a bad idea. They were going to figure out there was something wrong with her. They were going to get mad. They would be scared and confused, all shouting at her. And that’s when it’ll happen. That’s when they all die.

“I think she’s not making anything,” exclaims Mylo, snapping her attention to him “She’s just getting more alone time with her boyfriend!”

She stares at him and feels her cheeks warming. Laughter erupts around her.

“Really?” This time it’s Silco that calls her attention. “You’re about to spend the next couple of years locked with him at the academy, and yet you’d rather spend your time with him rather than with us?”

Mylo and Claggor laugh even harder and she can barely hear herself say, “I’m sorry.”

“Leave her be,” Vander comes to her rescue, “She spent more than enough time taking care of us, let her have some fun.”

She doesn’t know how to describe the look he gives her. It’s the kind of look he would give Vi. She thinks it means, ‘I’m proud of you,’ or something. Definitely not the kind of look he should be giving her.

“Seriously,” says Claggor, “it’s going to be weird not having you around all the time.”

She feels terrified. It must be visible because Claggor keeps sending worried glances over at Mylo.

“We’re grown men. It’s about time we stop holding you back and learn to take care of ourselves.”

Jinx manages to divert attention from herself for the rest of the evening. 

It’s a strange thing. One moment she’s laughing, smiling and content, the next she remembers that this is the life she could have lived, had she not fucked everything up. It’s like being built up and broken over and over again.

By the time Vander asks someone to clean the dishes she volunteers just to be alone. And yet she wants to go back to them: it hurts but it’s also so wonderful to have them alive. It almost feels worth the pain.

She doesn’t linger on this for long because Vander joins her. She’s scared of what he’s going to say but he just quietly helps her with the dishes. She’s not very good at it, mostly because she doesn’t always clean. Hell, most of the time she doesn’t even use dishes. Vander just chuckles and helps her.

“You know you don’t have to feel guilty.”

She drops a plate. It doesn’t shatter, just falls into the water with a quiet splash. 

“Joining the academy is a good thing, and if it means you have less time for your family it’s fine. We can manage on our own and we’re not going anywhere. It’s about time you use all your smarts to make something out of your life.”

Her eyes are watery, Jinx knows those words are not for her but she can’t help but reply, “What if nothing I make is good? What if I just make everything worse?”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” He tells her with a smile. She feels the tears rolling down her cheeks and he quickly adds, “And if you struggle you can always turn to Ekko or your brother, or even Silco and me. I mean, we’re not geniuses but we can give good advice when it’s needed.”

She wraps her arms around him. The tears are still falling but they don’t feel like sad tears anymore.

“You’re not alone, Powder.” He says before holding her tight.

As she makes her way to her bedroom she spots Silco writing in a journal.

“Still working?” She asks.

“Yes, I’m afraid my work is never done,” he sighs heavily, “I’m going to have to leave again in a few days.”

“I’m glad you were here.”

He smiles at her, “Me too. And I’ll be back soon, don’t worry.”

“I’m gonna miss you.”

He gets up and walks toward her.

“Now, now, you’re a big girl, I’m sure you don’t need me anymore.”

She pulls him into a hug and hides her face into his shoulder. “I’m always going to need you.”

He hugs her back and says, “Please, I’ve always needed you more than you needed me. You’ll be fine.”

“Here.”

Ekko hands her a pendant, on it there’s a flower. It’s pretty, and it spins. Looking closer she can see their faces carve in the petals.

Before she can ask him anything he says, “He gave it to her, but she says she didn’t think it was meant for her.”

She stares at it again. It’s meticulous work, detailed but not excessive, his style. A small smile forces its way onto her face. Jinx puts it around her neck.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t blow up in our faces.”

First the lightning comes, like at the cannery, they all start to scream and she doesn’t know if she’s going to be able to stand it. But it’s all cut off when the sphere appears around her. She breathes in and this time, she’s ready.

The last thing she sees is the other Ekko holding the other her in his arms. He smiles up at her.

He keeps himself busy. It’s the best way to avoid falling apart. Scar tells him that they have no one to fight, and they are not alone in helping anymore, that he can take a break. Ekko begs him for a job, any job, instead.     

He needs something to do, anything. The look he, and all of the other Fireslights, gives him feels like a stab in the heart, because it’s just another reminder of what could have been.

He repairs the roof. He teaches the children how to fly a hoverboard. He helps cook dinner for everyone. He talks with Sevika about the meeting and what they could and should be doing. He tries to come up with a new and more efficient energy storage device.

It helps, but never for long. Because, they sat on that roof the first night she spent at the hideout. Because, one of the children has dyed his hair blue and swears he's going to be just like her one day. Because, they cooked together the night before the battle. Because, Sevika has to say that she was easier to deal with than the Council. Because, working on anything reminds him of the time they spent transforming her lair.

The nights are the worst, when nothing can distract him from his grief. It’s the third time. It should be easier by now. But it’s worse. It’s so much worse. This time he’s not just grieving what was, he’s grieving what could have been.

After having seen the other universe. After having convinced her to drop the bomb and step off the ledge. After rallying the under-city together. After fighting side by side. He had hope that they would get a future together.

He knew things would never be as they were. That they would never be like the other Ekko and Powder. But he thought that they could build something new. 

Maybe Jinx would have stayed with the Firelight, she had liked it there during the few days before the battle. It might have taken her some time. They could have worked on projects together. That had come to them just as naturally as it had before. Eventually, she would have started to play with the children. That would have won over the few Firelights that were still wary of her. They would have visited Vi together, if only to remind her that she was a Zaunite and always would be. She would have spent a lot of time with Sevika, much to the Council’s annoyance. 

She would have cooked weird things and forced him to try them. He would have fought her, but ultimately conceded, always. He would have taken her flying on his hoverboard, far above Zaun, even higher than the Hex-gate. She would have modified the overboard, in a seemingly superfluous and random way, but a surprisingly useful one. They would have fought about that, and about her idea of games appropriate for children, and about the priorities for the Firelights, and what music to play during the day, and the right flavour of pancakes. They would have laughed, too. About her hair, his clothes, Sevika, Scar, and about the Pilties. They would have spent nights awake making fun of Pilties. 

And on one of those nights he would have looked into her eyes. She would have looked back confused. He would have leaned toward her. She would have frozen at first, but then she would have closed her eyes and leaned back.

But none of that would ever happen. Instead, he would remember all the time they played as children. All the time they fought as teens. Eventually the childhood memories would fade and the only moments left would be those last few days. 

Three days, that’s all he had been given. Three days they spent arguing with the rest of undercity, and trying desperately to build everything on time. They barely had any moments alone together. They never even got to paint together. They transformed her hideout while shouting orders at everyone else. They only got to laugh when painting each other. He only got to hold her twice. Once right after she stepped away from the ledge. And again right before the battle. He only held her hand once, when he brought her to their sanctuary.

He got to kiss her once and it wasn’t even her.

Sometimes he thinks about what it would have been like to kiss his Jinx. It would have been more wild, he thinks, probably with more teeth. It makes him chuckle. Then the hurt comes back, because he doesn’t know, and he never will.

He never told Vi. He can’t. He doesn’t want to burden her with the knowledge of the happiness they could have had. He doesn’t want her to know that their world would have been better if she had died. He hates himself for thinking it, but he knows that, for him at least, it’s true. And he fears it would break her in a way even Caitlyn can’t fix.

He builds her a shrine, like Powder had for Vi. He prays and talks to her, like they had over there. He tells her about his day. About what Vi is up to. He tells her about the changes in Zaun. He tells her he wishes she was here. And some nights, when the pain is too great he begs her to come back. To pull another miracle. You’ve done twice already, why not a third?

He has a lot to tell her today. For starters, mister I’ll-be-just-like-Jinx-one-day thought it would be a great idea to try and jump off his hoverboard mid-flight. He broke his leg. Ekko tried to lecture him. He got too angry, though, and almost yelled at the poor kid. Thankfully Scar took him away quickly. He hates that he lost control like this, especially in front of a child. He barely had time to apologise to the kid before he was informed that Sevika was looking for him. 

Ekko knew that was bad news before he even reached her: Sevika only ever wants to see him when things go to shit. Turns out the Council thinks the factories need to reach their pre-war quotas before the end of the month. How they’re supposed to do that when half of their population is still wounded and recovering, he has no idea. She wants the Firelights to help her make a show of force in front of the Council, to remind them that the undercity is a united front. 

And there’s another problem: A few days ago, the Jinxers put on a little homage to Jinx, to celebrate her sacrifice. Ekko didn’t go. He didn’t want to see what a group of people who never knew her would do. Apparently they just threw a bunch of paint explosives around town, landmarks associated with Jinx, including the building she blew up on Progress Day and the Council chambers. 

Needless to say, the Council are not happy about that. As far as they are concerned this is “in very bad taste” and all those involved “need to be disciplined.” The little dictator that put Noxus on their doorstep can go home scott-free, but a bunch of kids throw paints on their precious building and suddenly there’s a need for discipline. Some things never change. 

After an entire evening locked with Sevika, Babette and her other “advisors” to try to find a solution, he returns home, skips dinner and goes straight to his quarters. 

He wants to go to her, pretend she can hear him, imagine her thoughts, her voice. Give himself whatever comfort she can give him. And collapse on his bed feeling a little bit less shitty about everything.

He pushes the door open and there’s someone before his shrine. She has her back turned to him, all he can see is a cloth wrapped around her skinny frame and short blue air, when she turns around his heart stops.

He thinks he is dreaming. She can’t be standing in front of him. But she’s here. She looks real. Like he had last seen her. His eyes run across her, trying to find a trick, hoping to find a confirmation. That’s when he sees the necklace.

She notices and touches it, “He said she thought you made it for me.”

His breath shakes and he throws his arms around her, his tears run down the crook of her neck. He feels her arms coming around him, Jinx clings to him, just like he’s clinging to her.

He doesn’t know how long they stay like that. He is scared that if he lets go she’ll vanish.

Finally, with her voice shaking she asks, “Can I stay here, at least for while?”

Ekko sobs as he says, “Please don’t leave, not again.”

AN: I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it, writing Jinx pov is difficult I hope I got it right. Writing the alternate universe is also fun, Silco and alt-Silco are two very different people...

[woofwoofwolf]

Motherfucker, it's cold outside

Genshin masterlist: [link]

Xiao x reader

Summary:

Xiao lays awake suffering from his karmic debt until he hears a noise from somwhere in Wangshu Inn, so he goes off to investigate. Or a Christmas themed fic about Xiao talking through a harsh winter night with a stranger

Notes: POV Third Person, they/them pronouns for the reader, told from Xiao's perspective, so that's why it's third person, good old breaking and entering, the birth of our lord and saviour Barbatos? Maybe, I kept it vague, strangers to still being strangers, Big Xiao angst hours, Hurt/Comfort, Xiao's Karmic Debt, Christmas, Sort of?

Word count: 1.174

AO3 Link: [link]

The regular passage of time no longer seemed to apply to Xiao. To him, it was now a luxury, only awarded to the lucky and ungrateful. He laid still, unmoving, completely gripped by an unpassing void, ebbing and flowing with waves of karmic debt. Xiao wallowed in the feeling, insisting to himself that he just had to sit it out like always. A voice in the corner of his mind reminded him that it had been a long time since he had last seen the traveler or Rex Lapis, but he pushed their images out of his head.

His sharp senses roughly pulled him out of the void of pain he was experiencing and grounded him back to his surroundings: Wangshu Inn. The room Verr Goldet had given him especially for nights like these. Night time. A winter storm. And-

An unfamiliar presence breaking in through a window several floors beneath him.

In an instant he vanished and reappeared in the corner of the empty guest rooms, just out of sight from where the intruder had just closed the window back up. The stranger shivered and rubbed their hands together. Were they out there in the storm on their own?

They turned around, but before they could proceed further into the room, Xiao stopped them with his spear pointed in their direction.

The intruder froze when their eyes met. Xiao quickly identified them to be a civilian, visiting Liyue from Mondstadt, judging by their clothes.

“State your business,” Xiao spat. The stranger flinched, but then frowned and stammered out a few sounds trying to find their response.

“Are you serious?” They said, “I’m trying not to freeze out there, that’s what! I just need shelter.”

Xiao frowned and pushed his spear forwards their throat, making them put their hands in the air. “You're lying.” he said, not hesitating for a second. “Why would you enter through a window if you’re not up to anything shady?”

The intruder rolled their eyes at him and Xiao frowned and straightened his back in offense. What a foolish mortal to disregard his threats like that. Perhaps they just didn’t care whether they lived or died.

“I don’t have any money. I was going to sleep outside during this trip but the weather had other plans–” They stopped once their eyes landed on something behind Xiao. “Oh thank Barbatos, a fireplace!”

They carelessly walked around Xiao and hurried over to the unlit fireplace, completely forgetting about the spear that was just pointed at their throat, and busying themselves with kindling a fire. Xiao sighed. Why did he even bother?

“You must not do this very often,” he said, lowering down his weapon.

“Why do you say that?” They replied with a frown, as if they were offended by the critique of their criminal skills.

“If you light a fire, you will alert the staff of your presence.”

They paused for a brief second, giving away the fact that they had not realised this fact, but then continued their busy work nonetheless.

“Well you already know I’m here right?” They looked down at their lap, shoulders tense. “Aren’t you part of the staff?”

“I am not.” He replied curtly. “This is none of my business?”

“Then why are you even here?” They pouted, just as they got a little spark off in the fireplace. It would take a while for this fire to be able to warm their body, especially judging the way they were tending to it, but they already scooted closer to in relief.

Xiao meanwhile, was frozen in place by their words. Why WAS he here? The shock of potential danger had gotten him up and ready to fight, but now that that threat had turned out to be some daft unprepared traveler, why hadn’t he returned to his room?

Now that he thought of it, his karmic debt was suspiciously calm at this moment.

“Well then, aren’t you going to kick me out and let me freeze to death?” Xiao looked back at the stranger as they spoke, their eyes defiant, but still scared despite everything. “What happened to the good old holiday spirit?”

“Holiday?” Xiao asked, raising a brow.

“Ah, I forget they don’t celebrate in Liyue.” The intruder mumbled, throwing some more kindling on the fire.

He then remembered he HAD heard of something like they was describing, including lights, giving each other presents and consuming copious amounts of food and alcohol

“Does… Does Barbatos celebrate this holiday?”

“I- What?” His question had caught them off guard. “Lord Barbatos hasn’t been with us for centuries.”

Xiao let out a heavy sigh. Of course, it was foolish to ask a mortal. Still, he couldn’t imagine Barbatos turning down any celebrations– or alcohol for that matter.

The image of Barbatos smiling amongst many people celebrating this feast stung somehow.

He sheathed his spear in defeat. Then, using his anemo powers, he softly guided the flames to grow bigger, causing the stranger to flinch and look back up at him in surprise.

“You can stay in this room,” he said, mentally preparing himself to take responsibility towards Verr Goldet later. “But if you go anywhere else, trust me, I’ll know.”

Several seconds passed. Xiao couldn’t stop the dread that his body felt at the idea of having to return to his suffering at the hand of his karmic debt, no matter how much he mentally scolded himself for it.

Then they cleared their throat, taking Xiao out of his thoughts. “Thank you then, ehm. I promise to stay put.”

They prodded at the fire with the fire poker, causing their previously questionable structure to collapse. Irritation filled Xiao's face.

“You’re doing it wrong.” He said, kneeling down next to them. “You’re a horribly prepared traveler.”

Their shoulders drooped in shame. “I– shut up, okay? I would’ve loved to not have been here either!”

Xiao nodded absent mindedly. They must have their own reasons for not being in Mondstadt then. He took charge of the fire poker and started rearranging the wood, despite their weak protests.

“T-there’s really no need for this…” They pouted.

“You’ll freeze to death if you don’t warm up soon,” he simply stated. “I know that much.”

Minutes passed as they finally accepted his help. He sat by them in silence, before it was broken by the sound of their sobs.

“I-I’m sorry.” they said. “It’s just– I really do wish I was home.”

Xiao looked at them, trying to think of what to say. He wasn’t all that good at comforting humans. The eye contact seemed to have the opposite effect of his intentions as they squirmed under it until finally facing the other way.

“I was planning to cry when you left,” They sobbed. “It’s your fault for staying.”

Xiao sighed, resigning himself to staying. “Tell me about it then?”

They shyly peeked over their shoulder while trying to dry off their tears.

“The holiday. And why are you not home during this time. The morning is hours away, tell me everything.”

------

RIGHT so, this was supposed to be for a secret Santa from @thesteambird that had a word limit of 500...., which as you can see this thing is not. I decided it'd be stupid to scrap outright, so here it is!

I edited it to have they/them pronouns, but I wouldn't be surprised if I fucked that up somewhere, feel free to let me know of any errors if you find them. This isn't THAT thoroughly edited so yeah. Usually I do more character research b4 writing so might be OOC as well, though probably not crazily so imo.

Happy holidays!

Cross posted to AO3

[simandy]

Hi! I would love to know more about your OC's, your lore, and your worldbuilding! As someone who has a lot of fantasy people living in her head as well, I love hearing about other people's creations! I am gonna ask a question (cause I know otherwise this will turn into a full on three books saga lmao)... hmm I'd say pick three OCs and share your favorite tidbit of lore about them!

Also have a good day (I am assuming it is still daytime in Brazil rn, I am bad at time zones) ! <3

You have opened the chamber, good luck <3

Jin ✨ He's the eldest of the main group and the reason Mandy can't sleep at night. His powers are so freaking intense he's able to obscure all the stars in the night sky for 1km. So, if you're out at night and see no stars, watch out.

---

My angel! <3 He's canonically Twice Exceptional (Autistic + Gifted) and is on his way to a Aerospace Engineering degree. He's going through some stuff now (died, got brought back as an immortal with light blue hair and no memories, if light touches his skin he dies again and it has been 30 years) but it's all fine. I'm sure he got it.

---

BEHATED. I- Ok, I don't hate him, he's more of a victim than anything, but come on. If you're possessed by an evil spirit that uses your body to harm your loved ones and your girlfriend's ex says he had crafted a pill that can keep the spirit away, wouldn't you take it?? Lucian, I know the spirit makes you stronger in battles, but that ain't the way!!!!!!

---

Thank you for asking about the people living in the apartment complex of my mind <3 I love to talk about these tiny facts, even if they make little to no sense at all without context and stuff. When i get to publish the books, i will tell you guys. Hope to get an english version as well!

[carmasi]

The cauldron only choose him because her Mate was Dying

For a while now i come across this unrealistic E/riel theory that claims Azriel was or is Elain true mate. Their reasoning and claims are that "Since Azriel was dying when Elain was turned then the cauldron picked the next best male" Lets rewind and listen to that statement again "Since her mate was drying the cauldron picked someone else" Now let look at a couple of things, the first one being. The cauldron does not pick mates in an instant, or in moment, as stablish in the book many times, mates are fated to be together since birth. Cauldron or Mother, they already know who your mate will be even before you meet them so it was not a split second decision.

To support this theory there is multiple instances. Lets take Nesta, who had confessed, even before she was turned fae, the moment Cassian walked though the doors of the Archeron manor, she knew he had power over her and she was scare of that power.

Feyre herself, was drawing stars on her dresser, Rhys was having dreams about Feyre before he even knew Feyre or meet her. On the Topic of Feyre and Rhys mating bond. Lets debunk this whole "he was dying so the cauldron picked someone else."

Have we forgotten, Feyre literally died in front of Rhys, and he himself said that's when the bond snapped, when he knew she was his mate, when his instincts went haywire because his mate was dead. So if the cauldron still made the bond snapped even though Feyre die, wouldn't you think it would've done he same for Az? and I don't want to hear things like " well the cauldron knew Feyre would be brought back". Because if that's the case, the cauldron knew Az would survived. The theory within itself is flawed in more ways than one, which goes to show at this point they are just pulling theories out of their behinds to satisfied their own ship, Which is fine a ship and a head canon is that and you're allow to have it but do not take this as fact please because is annoying when you're not willing to listen to reason.

There I finally got it off my chest and as always let me know what you guys think.

[to-the-stars8]

Home for the Holidays

Jason Todd & Dick Grayson & Tim Drake All Chapters Ao3

December 21, Salt Lake City, UT

They made it to Salt Lake City by sunrise, Jason having pushed the pedal til the car was practically begging for gas, where they stopped for breakfast. Dick bought them breakfast with ten of the thirty dollars they had, while the rest went toward the car.

When Jason returned from the gas station he sat in the booth next to Tim where he began to take his designated hashbrown and sausage biscuit.  

“Jesus Christ, this is good! I think I might spend the rest of the money on another biscuit,” Jason said with his mouth full. That caught Dick’s attention and he ordered Jason to show him the money. Once Jason threw two twenties on the table, far more than they had before, he demanded to know how he got it. “Relax, I didn’t steal it. What do you think I am?”

“Just be careful, Jason, we can’t be screwing around,” Dick said in a low tone, taking the money. 

Tim knew that was a bad idea, and it was only confirmed when Jason reached across the table to grab Dick’s arm. People in the restaurant turned to look at the two of them, which made Dick easily give up the money. 

“Fuck you,” Jason seethed before getting up, grabbing the money and Tim’s sausage biscuit before walking off. 

“Asshole,” The youngest boy called after, leaning over to take Dick’s food. “Consider this payment for acting up.”

“Shut up,” Dick said, looking around at the people now watching them. It made him antsy, and, if Bruce were here, he’d be getting a look for not having better control over the situation. “Give me half, at least.”

“No, you shouldn’t have pissed him off,” Tim said, holding the biscuit close.

“He shouldn’t have stolen that money,” Dick whispered-yelled back. 

“Did you hear what he said? He didn’t steal anything. Money-wise.”

“And you believe him?”

“What if I do?” 

Dick reached over and took a sip of his soda. “Then, how about you go join him in the car.”

Tim looked out the window next to the booth to see the back of Jason’s head through the truck’s back window. He was mid-sip of a soda before he turned it to look toward the busy road, and, after staring for a few seconds, Tim began to slide out of the booth.

Dick was shocked his little brother actually followed through with the suggestion and watched as he walked across the parking lot, hugging himself as he did, before hopping into the car. 

With a grumble, Dick went through his pocket for the five bucks he had hidden away to buy himself another sausage biscuit. 

*** 

Jason hadn’t expected Tim to suddenly hop into the car with him, say nothing, and start munching away on food. He tried to act like the boy wasn’t there, but couldn’t help but to glance at him every few minutes or so. The air between them felt awkward considering their history. 

“Rockin’ around the Christmas tree, at the Christmas party hop,” The radio played. 

Tim groaned before harshly beginning to change the radio station. “I fucking hate Christmas.”

Jason wanted to say he was surprised by that, but with the black clothes Tim was sporting it was obvious. The kid, while not overtly edgy, did have a sort of angsty teen phase going on. Jay would have related to it if he hadn’t died at fifteen. Suddenly, a rock band was blasting through the car speakers before Tim slowly turned the volume down. 

“So, you hate Christmas…why?”

The kid sat back and shrugged, picking at his food. “I wouldn’t say I hate it. The holidays always felt like a chore– My parents wanted to get Christmas over with, so I never really got to have the fun parts.”

“Oh,” Was all Jason could say. 

“Don’t get all emotional on me now,” Tim joked. “Don’t want it to end up like last time, ya know?”

Jason wanted to be angry, but he had to admit it was a bit funny–He even let out a little snicker before offering Tim half of the sausage biscuit. There was hesitance, but eventually, it was slid across the seat and onto the dashboard to save for later. After a minute or two of silently eating, Tim finally asked about the money. 

“There’s a senior living home right around the corner, I told them I’d clear their walkway of snow in under an hour for twenty bucks. Did it, but then an old lady asked me to help change her tire. She gave me the money even though I said no,” Jason said like it was just another day for him. 

“Why didn’t you just tell Dick that,” Tim quietly asked. 

Jason shrugged before telling him it wouldn’t have changed Dick’s mind about anything. Tim stared down at the road in front of him as he thought. He recalled Bruce telling him that Jason died because he was reckless and angry– The opposite of what a Robin should have been. Robins were meant to be obedient. Loyal. Even Dick had mentioned that Tim’s predecessor didn’t have the same control he did, and his disobedience cost him his life–sounding a little too much like Bruce rather than the kind, funny brother he usually was. 

Tim’s first impression of Jason had been exactly what he expected. The man who showed up at Titans tower a few years ago was angry, and he had become an outlet for Bruce’s neglect. Jason had quietly and awkwardly apologized, but that didn’t erase the memory for Tim. Even Jason had admitted he knew that. 

“Maybe you should mention it to him,” Tim said as he noticed a snowflake fall onto the windshield. “He won’t be on your ass as much.”

Just like the Devil’s name was spoken, Dick had appeared at the passenger side window. Opening the door, he leaned in to see if anything was amiss before snatching the biscuit off the dashboard. 

“Hey!”

“Move over,” He said, mouth full, and pushed Tim toward Jason. 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Jay said. “You’re driving. I want a nap.”

Dick groaned before switching places. Starting the engine, they pulled back out onto the highway. 

They hardly got a mile down the road before Dick mumbled under his breath, “The hell is playing?” And promptly changed the station to Christmas tunes again.

[starzgaze]

CONCEPT: folk legend!sjw/biologist!reader

tw: missing people, stalking, implications of cult, really really itty bittt twinge of yandere if you squint really hard. also mostly word vomit i just wanted this concept out of my head oh god

Imagine you're a biologist who decided to go back to your little town that's located nearby an eerie mountain thats surrounded with equally eerie forests. You heard from your parents that there was a sudden shift in the wildlife and the animals seems to decreasing in population which concerns the wildlife protection department of your town.

So this piques your interest and you decided to visit your hometown. You were warmly greeted by the locals and you caught up with your old childhood friends by drinking in the local bar where you swung your first drink. After all that you shifted back your focus on the main reason why you went back, the wildlife is acting strange.

You decided to daytime observation first, quietly watching the remaining animals and see what could possibly be behind the sudden disappearances of the animals. This didn't work much to your dismay so that means you had to conduct night time observations. Your parents was worried but you reminded that you're a licensed researcher and you know what you're doing. Reluctantly, your parents let you go out into the forest.

But of course before you leave, one of the town's elders grabbed you the side and gave you a warning. A warning that you should probably back out and continue with your daytime observations and not continue this one... You of course don't listen, you're an adult! Why will you sway to the words of an old lady or a stupid legend that was made for children to keep them in check? You're an adult, a person of science and logic. Folk tales are neat but isn't exactly your thing.

Though.. honestly you wished you heeded the elder's warning. When you entered the forest you saw things that wasn't there in the morning. Strange tied up sticks that was shaped like dolls hanged in the trees or twine wrapped around the trunks that had pieces of paper stuck on to it. You were pretty sure this is not the doing of an animal but what sick person would do this? It all looked so... ritualistic. You crouched down on to the leafy floor and picked up a 'doll' that fell off from the tree, it had a poorly sewed clothes on it and black coarse animal hair glued on to its head, resembling a pretty shaggy haircut. It looked like an old friend. You looked at it, noting the little details of the doll. This suddenly reminds you of a time when you were younger that there was a series of missing people cases in this town.

One of those victims was your friend, Jinwoo, and he was the last person to go missing during that time. You remember you were adamant on searching the forest yourself to find him but your parents stopped you and locked you in your room just in case you tried to sneaked out into the forest. You honestly missed him but you shook your head, dwelling on the past will hinder your research. Stepping away from the ritualistic scene, you continued hiking into the forest trying to find a suitable place to observe the wildlife in the night.

After a while of wandering around, you found a good place to set up your gear. You unzipped your bags and prepared your things when suddenly you felt a shift in the air, a shiver went down your spine when you moved your head to see if there was anything there. You were told the locals rarely walk outside anymore especially past 7pm, a result of the cases back then. So no one should be out at this hour in the forest, you should be alone.

You decided to ignore it first and focus on finishing your set up. When you finished gearing up and prepping your things you got another shot of eerieness that made your body tingle. Just what the hell is happening? You felt you were being watched from every angle but when you look around you don't see anything. Were you being preyed upon an animal?

You readied your pepper spray that was stored in your pocket, animals typically stays away from you if you're deemed as the biggee threat. So, as long you know how to appear bigger and scarier you should be fine. You've been doing this for years now but something tells you there's something not right, it feels... like it's not an animal preying on you but you can't exactly explain it. Your mind goes back to the moment where you stumbled upon a weird place in the forest that had a bunch of ritualistic things and you touched a weird doll that looked an old friend, it might be related to that.

Before you could continue deducing in your head you hear a loud crunch in the dark. This is starting to creep you out. You started to try to calm yourself and rationalize your thoughts. You're a person of science you shouldn't be this scared just think of something that makes sense it might be just a wolf or a bear.. hopefully. As you tried to steady your mind the light from your gear suddenly shuts off and you were enshrouded in darkness.

This is where the sounds of footsteps and howling started to intensify, Your heart was racing as you didn't move from your spot. You were shaking as you held your pathetic little pepper spray and tried to block out the noises. How the hell are you supposed to rationalize this?! You were panicking hard as you finally dropped to your feet and covered your ears, still holding the spray in your other hand.

Then all the noise stopped but you can feel SOMETHING behind you. It doesn't feel human or something you could comprehend and your mind is running back to the little warning the old sweet elder tried warninfg you of. Is this the end? They said it was monstrous from the rare sightings. I think you remember the elder saying it started appearing shortly after the end of the series of disappearances. Your mind is fogging up from panick.

You felt it's hand on your shoulder, it's cold breath right beside your neck. It spoke and... you recognize the voice. You finally turned your head and you were greeted with a pair of deep purple eyes staring right back at you, it felt like you were starung back to the abyss. You called out it's name

"Jinwoo?"

[foldingfittedsheets]

Mattresses, unbeknownst to many, are a lot like cars. Every year new ones roll out, they’re always tweaking and innovating and you’ll never find the same one you loved decades ago when buying a new one.

Where I sold mattresses had a three month return or exchange program for this reason. New beds take a while to break in, and they’re a big expense. Your body is used to the old one. So we made sure people were loving it. If a bed got returned we’d take it back, sanitize and clean it, then sell it again on clearance.

To sell these we always had to disclose what clearance meant to customers, and they had to sign that they knew what they were getting. (FYI, not every company is as… forthright about the used bed situation)

In clearance we had beds that were floor models, we had returns, and more rarely we had old models whose line had been discontinued. These clearance beds were always final sale, so a bed could only be sold twice.

Now, the manager at the store I was working at had realized a vital fact. Clearance beds in the warehouse didn’t sell, especially old models that salespeople weren’t familiar with. And even more especially in odd sizes, like twin extra longs. So he set up a split king on the showroom floor to exhibit clearance beds, pulling all those forgotten twin extra longs out onto the showroom.

Almost all of these were brand new discontinued models. Beds I’d never learned in training were exhumed to be displayed. The manufacturers had moved on to new lines and they’d been left behind. Why would he take such in interest in selling old stock, you might wonder? Because we made double commission on the sales margin of clearance beds, and if we’d had a bed long enough they dropped the cost in the system so it was a fucking cash cow to sell these. Even with huge discounts the commissions were wonderful so it was a win win.

When I got started I was jazzed about this program, I was so on board to sell weird old brand new beds and make a ton of money. I had a wonderful older couple come in, looking for a split king adjustable set. This was a white whale sale.

The current clearance models on the floor were a latex mattress that was brand new despite being of an age to start first grade, and a tempurpedic floor model. The couple laid down and it was like magic. They each loved the bed they’d laid down on. They wanted to buy the whole shebang.

I. Was. Thrilled. I told them about the clearance program and what that meant, and they weren’t bothered in the least. I wrote up the sale then dashed into the back, fizzing with excitement to tell my manager what I’d done.

“You sold the death bed?!” He asked in delight.

I pulled up short, my smile freezing in place. “What…?”

“Didn’t you check the notes?”

I hesitated for a long beat then slowly shook my head. You see, dear reader, all beds had a personal history. Every clearance bed had logs written up by the person who took the return, as well as warehouse crew after sanitizing. It helped us know what to expect when selling them. “Wasn’t it just a floor model? You said it was a floor model…”

He slowly shook his head. I checked the notes.

It turned out, it had been sold as a floor model. The first time. But the company had made an exception and taken it back as a return two months later. Why? Because it’s owner had passed away.

I stared at the computer in horror and my manager shrugged. “They signed the clearance form. Technically it was a floor model.”

“We know for a fact that a man died in that bed!”

“What they don’t know can’t haunt them,” he said philosophically.

The man came back a week later for more sheets, utterly delighted to tell me how well they were sleeping. I clamped my teeth down around the secret of the deathbed, choosing to let them love their new bed without the stigma. Only one person would be haunted by that deathbed, and it was me.

[synthescythe]

y'know i might completely revamp this fucking blog to something else. i need to be more silly and unhinged on this hellsite. something has changed within me.