#my head aint doin too swell

[bloopf1sh]

im not doing well in the head so if im not posting much or doing much of anything thats why

like legit not doing well (heyy how you doin suicidal thoughts be a dear and shut up)

and i can't even see my therapist abt it cause i was seeing her for dysphoria not... *gestures at myself* THIS

um anyway ciao

also @r0tt3n-gvtz if i stop being active on disc this is why lolz

[magicflowershop]

 one day kitty; Akaashi version

《inspired by movie A Whisker Away》

✿✿ you wished to be with the person you like and wish granted. whiskers, button nose, tail, four legs and ears on top of the head; you turned into a cat. with this, you are given the opportunity to be with the person you want to express your affections to. but as a cat. and only in one day.

― haikyuu characters x cat!reader imagines!

❀ masterlist ❀

the wheel of names have spoken.

straight up you knew you had feelings for this tired-looking boy from your school’s vball team

so you made some deals with the devil

yk fr bein a cat aint an easy job, you literally were minding your own business until one shop owner suddenly swept you away from their ramen store with a mop as if you’d actually care to bother abt their damn ramen

little did they know you were actually stalking this fine lad who was buying onigiri for breakfast at the next store

and since you were a cat, you knew you were cute by default and you decided to utilize this cuteness for the goodness of all

but when Akaashi saw the cat he immediately thought of Nekoma, he gone and went not giving it any ounce of attention, sad

of course this wasn’t the last of you

like if you had to annoy him just to notice you, you’d do it and you were kidding bc you didnt want to be pushed away with a mop again jfc

that’s what you thought you said bc you found yourself ogling at him in the gym at one point 

obv the other members took notice of a strange cat that was casually hanging out over there and casually watching their practice

Akaashi recognized you from this morning but he let the other guys have fun gushing at how cute and small you were instead

but that aint enough,,, you jumped out of Bokuto’s arms and went straight towards Keiji with those shiny, beady eyes luring him to your needy ass

the other lads caught on quick that the cat wanted Akaashi but you could care less about what they think ykyk

he crouched before you to look closely at your face,,,

“what do you want?”

you smiled in cat and literally said you but that translated as meow in human 

Akaashi might’ve stroked the top of your head subconsciously

you know you’re starting to wrap him around your lil paws

and ofc you werent finished uwu,,, you used every bit of your kitty energy to get his attention bc if you were human, you wouldn’t be able to shamelessly flirt like this cause you’re shy af

but comes a time where Akaashi lowkey found this sus

“do you need something from me?”

which was a stupid question to ask since he knows its a cat and it just happened to like him yk, he couldn’t rly help ask the question

“your love and affection, beautiful sir”

what

what the flipping fuq

the cat spOKE?????

Akaashi rly had to double take what just happened bc a voice just spoke outta no where and there were no girls around where they were???

you let out a cold sweat and shook off what just happened,, meowing purposefully at his face and nuzzlin at him like a regular normal kitty

but then you saw the demon fatass cat you made a deal with the previous night and knew, he was playin with you like the bitch he are

so Akaashi thought he only heard things and went back to his regularly scheduled programming

but with a puss <3

tailin him around <3

okay, Akaashi might’ve gotten used to you followin him around like his shadow, people around campus found it cute that there was a cat inside the corridors but Akaashi was just afraid of getting in trouble of letting a cat inside school premises

nuttin they can do now

he kept the cat inside his bag

and you leisurely slept inside <3

but ofc you aint just gon sleep inside his beautiful bag no ma’am you had business the first time you arrived there and you gon continue it 

what was it tho? 

what made you turn into a cat the first place? is it even worth the trouble of turning into a cat????

you were running out of time

the sun was about to set and once midnight strikes you go back to normal,,, and jesus do you still want to continue hanging out with this lad in cat form and pissing him off whenever you feel like it

you decided you wanted to stay in cat

that night after the vball practice ended, Akaashi figured he should bring you to the playground,,, and leave you there for the night, bc their apartment doesn’t allow pets inside :c

he sat on the swings and kinda watched you play on the sand, but you weren’t playing on the sand, i mean you arent actually a cat yk?

,,, you two were just starin at each other for a few minutes

“you’re a strange cat”

sis is quic wit

“it’s as if you’re acting like you’re in love with me”

toO QUIC

you meowed pretending some more bc if you actually said something it might translate into human language again

“but that can’t be true. the voice earlier can’t be true either... it sounded oddly like someone i know and she isn’t a cat”

okay,, uh,, what do you do from here

the fat cat is watching the entire thing

and it’s 10 boys what are y’all still doin in the playground

you remained dubious of the things he’s spouting, even when he picked you up from the sand onto his lap

“why are you suddenly quiet? you were so talkative earlier weren’t you? did you get tired or smth?”

AKAASHI WAS NEVER THIS TALKATIVE WHATS HAPPENING

was this part of the spell? is he falling in love with you know??? is he a fURRY NOW???

but then Akaashi decided it was time for him to go back home, bc unlike you he has a house and a life to go back to after school,,,

so by this time you’re panicking

time is running out and you lit do not know what do to 

“so what is your decision?” the fat cat grew before you, asking you whether you accept the cat life and give your human soul to him completely or go back to the shitty life you once had

tbh you trust nothing from this bitch, after clowning you how could you possibly trust anything else from him 

“i’m taking my life back thank you very much”

“i knew y/n acted so out of it earlier”

aGhAASHI neVER LEFT??

HOW CAN HE HEAR EVERYTHING

even the fat cat was as shocked as you were turning into human bit-by-bit since you were given back the will of wanting your normal life back by Akaashi pulling you away from the cat

“how- how did you know-”

tears formed in your eyes, and your heart swelled at his generosity

“when i found you wishing at the shrine we passed the other day, you suddenly disappeared,,, i asked the old man guarding the shrine what happened and apparently people go there to ask to get their normal lives taken away”

“and i was afraid of you taking away yours y/n”

should i make a taglist for this? comment if yes :>

[shorkbrian]

ASKS

Hello again, asks are compiled under the cut. Please block the tag #shorkbrian answers a lot of asks# If you’d prefer not to see these types of posts from me. If I haven’t answered your ask, it’s because I’m saving it for a thirst, drabble, or fic.

I don’t ignore asks, but sometimes getting around to them overwhelms me lol. pls accept my apologies lol k here we go

I am very glad, I legit was so scared that it was too long and that it’d be disappointing bc the smut wasn’t super IN YOUR FACE yknow? But man am I glad to hear that.

I’m looking directly @ you

Someone noticed omg!!!  A lot of times I just put whatever song I played on repeat while writing that fit, but I have a *yandere* playlist that I listen to and it gets me going. Ty for noticing!!!

I’ve considered opening them permanently but I just... idek. I’d have to start deleting or ignoring the requests I don’t vibe with and Idk how to handle that lol. But thanks for the well wishes, hope your next few months treat you well friend!

Watermelon sugar why

Srsly you’re sweet but just wait until I start to really get going with all my nasty kinks okay, then you’ll be rethinking this strategy hunty lol!

I literally stalk @.vermiliren and @.kazooli and @.seita lol. Maybe when I get my blog more cleaned up, I’ll create a list of creators that I enjoy, along with fic recs. For now, here’s a link to my AO3 bookmarks which I read one like almost every single night bc I’m a horny gremlin.

I am the shark king. Sharks are my thing bro u don’t even know. I love them so much, they're dumb and big and beautiful and yeah I wish I was a mermaid who got to swim with them. Also I changed it bc I’m trying to make my blog more *professional* and all that so I can start being taken seriously askjakjdf

Compliments suck, if I'm being down and out honest. This does not bother me at all, I’m just unsure how to respond. I think I would prefer no comments, but I’m trying really really hard to just say “thank you!” and move on before I get uncomfortable. Having to fight with someone about how I perceive my self worth is exhausting, and especially so for the poor person that was just trying to say something nice and be nice to me. 

They do make me quite uncomfortable my dear lad/lassie/lasso. Say what you wish in the tags tho ! I don’t really reply to those, so there’s no pressure on me to have to say something back. I do however, see all the tags ppl use and some of them make me laugh so hard cause they’re so spot on, and it makes my day. like “Mark me down as scared AND horny” and “Bakugou better be able to bench 165 cause imma throw my fatass in his mf lap” and it kills me.

I SCEREAMED AKDHGSYDGASJSD this is the only format I'll be taking asks in now, no compliments just a yes/no answer to if my works help u cum god bless

you used the /gen!!!!! IDK what these are called but the /S and /gen and /J save my life!!!!

Frick you’ve figured me out, I do try to put like a nail-in-the-coffin sentence at the end. A lot of times it never works right, but I cannot for the life of my figure out how to end a single post ever. If anyone knows hmu pls ty

(Also ps I checked out ur blog cause yans are my jam and it is very much Not garbage!!)

That’s very kind of you, but pls don’t stay up past midnight it’s bad for ur Brian you’ll make bad decisions bro trust me all of my stuff is written after midnight

You will lafff..... but I will tell anyways..... I was prescribed a “life coach” after I got out of the hospital, which was really just a poorly disguised softcore “make sure u don’t yeet urself” type of thing. He had me write down things I liked about myself, and when I returned the sheet of paper still blank, he wrote stuff down for me. Like five sentences of “My hair and skin are unique and special” “I like animals and enjoy being kind to them” “I am worthy of respect” etc etc. and I had to look in a mirror twice a day and say those sentences to help “boost my self worth”. It sucked so bad dude, and I like got upset about it every time it came up, until finally my therapist was like “... this aint doin this sad bitch no good” and my parents got designated for yeet watch instead.

I know, logically, that (the majority of) people are not purposefully taking time out of their day to make me feel bad. They're trying to be encouraging and loving, and I appreciate it so much. But like... what do I say? If I say thanks, it’s almost like acknowledging what they're saying as true, and I can’t live with myself thinking I’m more than I am. I’m sorry you’ve had experiences that make compliments difficult for you also, I understand bro and I hope that your future holds healing and peace for you. 

Hopefully I won’t vent as much anymore lol, I’ll try to do that on my sideblog where I reblog really trigger-y memes akjdafhkjf. But thank you for your kind words bro, they’re appreciated and put in a nice lil jar.

Ah dw! This doesn’t sound like a jab. I think all of us r so sad n depressed and feel unworthy of love, so the fantasy of a Yan coming and forcing it on us and not leaving even when we lash out is just..... so attractive my heads gonna explode

me, thinking about kiri at any given moment like:

I have the next Hybrid! Kiri fic like lined up, but I’m so demotivated be I was SO CLOSE to finishing, and then wiped my computer like an IDITO

Waso, I’m taking horseback riding lessons bc my mom went:

and my grandpa told me that one of his horses was named Awaso and I immediately thot of u fun fact. But you’re so very kind, and I enjoy seeing you in my inbox. I’m never tired of u homie. You are loved and important, and it’s not an illusion. Even random strangers on the internet can feel soft towards you bro, and dats me, I’m the random stranger that likes u.

So I took Russian for a year, my dear friend, because I wanted to see if the language myth of “Russian is the hardest, Korean is the easiest” was true. I would say yes. So instead of like translating this and typing out a coherent response, I’ve resorted to google translate I’m so sorry but Виктор мог плюнуть мне в глаз, и я бы поблагодарил его. Also, the way Vitya is written in cryllic makes my heart swell it looks so cozy idek what I mean by that but it does? I treasure you man, hope to see you around in the new year and maybe??? we be good friends

Can any year be good when Kirishima Eijirou doesn’t exist?

cryface;;sad.jpg

I just imagine anyone who comes across my stuff, sitting at their computer shocked and slightly horrified, maybe turned on like

Daddy Aizawa makes me

Wait!! I have something to aid your troubles!!

ur welcome now u can be horny whenever you’d like 

pls every time we talk about Kirishima I have to act surprised like 

LISTEN BBYGORL I have had therapist Suga in the works since *checks notes* November. I am excited for it yeahhhhhh but sadly, I don’t think I will be continuing piano teacher Suga. The story is petered out in my mind, idk where it would go. Therapist sugarbird tho? We have some thots about this. Coming soon to theaters near you

[maxhoemo]

1923 - a week later

Things were getting easier for Max. He was learning he could trust Ian. He was even starting to think of him as a friend. Something he never even thought possible when he first moved in. Though, they hadn’t spent much time together. Ian was always so busy. But today, it seemed that wasn’t the case.

“I’m taking the entire long weekend off, Max. I wanna take you out and show you a good time.”

“Like a date?” Max laughed.

“Can’t two good pals chum around? There something wrong with that?”

“No, I suppose there aint,” Max smiled at him. 

There really wasn’t. Max liked the rare oppurtunity to ride in Ian’s car with just him. No goons. No staff. Just the two of them. Ian mostly vented about his work, and Max listened. It was what most of their conversations consisted of as of late. Max didn’t mind, he knew that’s what Ian had wanted him for anyways, but it always felt so one sided. 

“Sometimes I wish I could be more like you...” Ian said casually as they walked down the street. Max was a bit taken aback by this.

“Me? Why the fuck would you wanna be more like me?”

“You’re so...Honest... Helping your family out...”

Max just laughed, brushing the comment off. Maybe it was better if things stayed one sided. But Ian didn’t let up. If he really admired him, Max thought, he was naive. “I’m ashamed of myself, Ian. I’m ashamed of what I had to do...” Max admitted, voice going low. Which Ian had come to learn was unusual for Max.

“Max. There aint nothing shameful about it. Just sex. Everyone’s doin’ it anyways.”

“No,” Max shook his head. “No. That’s the thing. It aint just sex... I was so terrified. Every time I did it. Not just cause you’re goin’ off with some stranger but... I mean, going from selling roses to selling yourself...”

“Why’d ya’ do it?”

“I knew how much money you could make. And my family needed it so bad. If it weren’t for my side gig, we’d have been homeless more than once. The first time I did it, I felt so sick. Thought I might actually throw up. Sometimes I can still see him. He looked like... Like a thumb...God, he was ugly! I was just standing there, naked. There was nothing I could do. I didn’t wanna see him, I covered my eyes. But he didn’t care... Every single time, I hated myself... It was like I wasn’t even a person. I even... When I first came to live with you, I actually thought you might... I thought you were going to...” He couldn’t say it. He didn’t want to. He didn’t know why it all started falling out of his mouth, but he didn’t want Ian to know how vulnerable he was. And he didn’t want Ian to know all the awful thoughts he had about him before he really knew him. “...I feel light headed...” 

Ian wrapped a strong arm around Max’s shoulder. “Here, Max, let’s get you inside some place...” Ian decided. He guided Max towards a diner and sat them both down in the nearest booth.

Max was grateful to be indoors and sitting down. Letting the sudden dizziness fade. When the waitress brought them their water he nearly gulped down the entire glass. “You know...” he started, slowly opening up the menu, “I’ve never been out to eat before...”

Ian smiled at him. He liked how easy Max was to impress. Everything was so new to him. When they eventually got their food, Ian had to remind Max to slow down every so often. Max always scarfed everything down when he ate, as if he were afraid it might be his last oppurtunity to get anything. He wondered how long it would take until the boy realized he didn’t have to worry about his next meal.

Max and Ian went about their day, living it up in a way Max never thought possible before. He did his best to push all his memories and bad thoughts away for at least today. As they were walking from shop to shop, Ian was stopped in his tracks by a shoe-shine boy. Something he was pretty used to. 

“What are you doing!?” Max’s outburst made Ian jump. “Earl! It’s dangerous out here! Go home!” It took a moment for Ian to piece everything together. That boy was Max’s little brother.

“Max, calm down! I’m working! I gotta...”

Max caught him off. “You don’t gotta! Just...” Max reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a handful of crumpled bills, shoving them into his brothers hands. “You take that! Take that and go home. Right now. If you guys need anything just call me. I do not want to catch you out here again! Do you understand!?” 

Max’s brother nodded. Obviously not understanding why Max was so upset, but scared enough by his tone of voice to listen. 

----

That night.

Max was asleep in Ian’s bed. Not unusual. What was, was the way he was tossing and turning.

Someones on top of him. Max tries to flail his arms, swat at the persons face. They won’t let go. He can’t breath. It’s the bald man. No, it’s the mayor. No, it’s Ian. No! The mayor! No! Ian!

“Ian..!!”

“Max? Max! Wake up!”

The world slowly came into focus around him as Max was shaken awake.

“You’re having some kind of nightmare....”

Max take a few seconds to catch his breath. Holding his chest, he takes a look at his surroundings. Eyes finally landing on Ian. “I... That happens sometimes.... I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I mean, did I wake you up...?”

“It’s fine.”

Max looked over at the couch Ian was groggily making his way back too. He’d really slept there all this time just for him... “Hey... Ian...”

Ian stopped, turning to look at Max. 

“Why don’t you... Just. Just come sleep here with me, yeah?”

“Are you sure, Max?”

Max nodded. “Sure. I trust ya’,” he smiled at him. Max slid over and pulled the covers down so Ian could settle in. “I had a really great time today,” he told him. He put his hand to Ian’s cheek, his fingertips gently brushing it. “You’re a real swell guy.” What he did next caught Ian off guard. He leaned over and kissed him. Ian couldn’t believe it. 

“Max, I thought...”

“Shh... I’m tired...” He whispered, quickly dozing back off.

Ian looked down at the other man in his bed. If he hadn’t been falling for him before, he sure as hell was now.

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

happy girthday

Summary: when chuuyas villainous twin brother cyuya murders his weed dealer ranpo, chuoya attacc, but he also protecc

Notes: crackfic won the poll so i figure what better way to celebrate fanfic writer appreciation day or whatever its called than with some good ol fashioned meme fuckery and bagel ass eating, have fun kids

*****************************************************************************************************

“romeo no homeo, wherefore art that tight little ass romeo?” chuuya grunted hornily as he jacked himself off over a balcoeny. he’d gotten drunk off his ass watching the 2004 phantom of the opera movie adaptation with jerard butler in it again which always put him in teh mood 4 dicks n secks. unfortunely for chungus nobody loved him enuff to squeeze his sweet summer sausage. chyuuya began 2 cri.

“o woe is me” he sobbed, sadly storking his half-limp shrimp dick “i wish I had a romeo of my very own 2 take big hits off my beef bong and/or fuck me senseless on top of a shandeleer”

ranpo appeered out of NOWHERE with 3 bongs up his ass and 2 to seven blunts crammed in each arousedly quvering nostril. “did sOMEBODY say WEED????”

“i sed bong” chuuya repleyed angrily crossing his arms and also his dick

ranpo poked chuuyas dick with his extendable flexible sexily bendable scrotal snake. “IS THAT A WEED” he shrieked as his noot-noot started doin the shoot-shoot.

kermet the frog burst thru the door like the cool aids man and shanked rabpo to deth with a giant ass green crayawn that was actuelly his frock (frog cock). “ITS NOT WEED U PEACE OF SHIT STONER” he scremed as he beat the shit out of ranpo

ranpo dragged  his bloody pulp of manggled flesh toweard chuuya useing his weener like a grappleing hook. “o daddy” he whimpered tragically. he coughed up blood, nut, and ten to pounds of the devils lettceplay. “i am the ded” he died.

while chooya was crieying/nutting over the smushed up corpse of the artest formerly known as ranppo, kermot creped toerd the bodey and snagged up the weed with his long veiny tongue.

“YOU IGNORANT FOOLS” he cried swelling to his magestic height of 5’3” as his boner swelled to ITS majestic height of 6’8”. his frog skin slid away to revel a green tracksoot with wite stripes and he tore off a rubber mask so his radient orange hair could flow freely except it couldnt cuz it wass matted with nut and also the blood of his enemies. there was no noddle. “ITS FITNESS TIME MOTHERFUCKERS!”

chuuya GASPEd. “cYUYU HAKOSHO??!??” he exclammed. he remmaried the clam and then exclaimed “HOW UNFORESKINNABLE”

“thats rite slut!” said cyuya smugly as he shoved each tender leaf of mariagge iguana up his tite little ass. “trembol in fear, for u and ur loose buttholed compainon rampo never stood a chance! its time for u to fitness gram pacer test-“ he wipped out a glock and also his erecktion “-DEATH” cyuya stuck his sexin’ noodle into the trigger and flexed it to shoot chuuya in the hed

“YALLDVE GONNA GET REKT PARDNER” yelled chuoya angerly as he leapt in front of chuuya and proteccted him  from cyuyas rath. the bullet rebounded off chuoyas rock hard erection and hit cyuya in the dick hole. cyuya collapsed in a heap of corpse.

chuoya cradled chuuyas head in his bara tiddys. “yehaw buddy youve been thru a rough ridin’ rooty tootin’ ready for shootin’ kinda day aint ya pal?”

chuuya sniffled and wiped his nose nut onto chuoyas hair noddle as he fondled the tiny sheriff badges chuoya wore over each perky nipple. “i most certainly have good comrade” he whimpered sexily. “pls, wipe of my tears with ur cowboy crotch cable”

“ill do ya one better m’pardner” chuoya replied tipping his hat and winking with all three eyes, “ill make ya brekfast”

“just dont make it tWO fast if u now wat i mean” sed chuuya seductively as he spred his noddle limbs wide for his cowboy compainon. one of his legs brushed over ranpos ded bodey so he moved it back. “take ur tim daddy”

chuuya was dissapointed when it turned out chuoya actuaely ment that he was making brekfast. “o” he sighed disapointedly “so when u sed u’d make brekfast, u ttoaley ment it”

chuoya took 8 bagels out of the toster. “wat else could i possibley hav ment? now shov these up ur ass”

“now ur talkin dady!” chuuya shrieked exceitely as he opened up his buttholeio with glee

chuoya slowly and tenederly insulted the bagles into chuuyas ass. “get in there u punk bitch motherfuckERES” he roared “ur bagel mothers never loved u! that outfit makes ur bagle ass look too flat for a rap song!” the bagels sobbily lept into chuuyas anus

“i am packed to the brim with bagely goodness” chuuya whimpered satisfiedly “now pack me with ur schleen queen 2017!”

chuoya tenderly inserted his titanic tallywacker into chuuyas fresh young asshole so preceisly and smartly that it went thr the holes in the bagels and pulled them all out at once like a shishkabob. “happy girthday bitch” he whispered sexily into chuuyas poop chute.

chuuya nutted 17 times at once! chuuya and chuoya ate bagels rosted on a fire they made out of cyuya and rnapos corpses and they all fucked happily ever after the end