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eldritchsurveys · 5 years ago

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873.

5k Survey I

1. Who are you? >> I’m Mordred. 2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you? >> I’m sensory-defensive and post-traumatic, I'm part of a multiple system, and I’m a fictional character. 3. When you aren’t filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing? >> Taking way shorter surveys. When I’m not taking surveys at all, I’m posting on tumblr or pillowfort, reading, playing video games, researching video game lore, watching a movie or show, or trying to manage my hellbrain (which is a whole separate task in itself). 4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn’t like at the time). >> I do my best not to think about school, the last bit of which was 15 years ago anyway. 5. What is your biggest goal for this year? >> I don’t make goals like that.

6. Where do you want to be in 5 years? >> It’s inconceivable to me to plan ahead that far. Even to think ahead that far seems silly and pointless to my very present-focused (and past-haunted) mind.

7. What stage of life are you in right now? >> Adulthood. Just the general “adulthood” between hectic young adulthood and transitional middle age. 8. Are you more child-like or childish? >> I’m not child-like or childish. I simply understand that the division between “childhood” and “adulthood” isn’t nearly as cut-and-dried as society has organised it for the sake of legality and social interaction, and I also understand that the desire to escape childhood and “childish things” is a conceit of the young, who wish to be seen as grown and independent creatures (which is part of development! it makes perfect sense). By the time you get to your thirties, it really stops mattering. You know you’re an adult. You know that being an adult means you have the freedom to do whatever you want (as far as leisure and play and stuff like that goes, I mean), which means you can sit in your pjs watching cartoons and eating sugar cereal if you like, and no parent can chide you for it, and your peers can fuck off if they don’t like it. (The “adult” part of doing that is knowing to stop after one and a half bowls of said cereal, lmao. It’s all a balance, innit?)

9. What is the last thing you said out loud? >> I don’t remember. 10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now? >> I don’t think there’s any song that can capture that. Or, maybe there is, but I don’t know about it. 11. Have you ever taken martial arts classes? >> No. I’ve been interested, but frankly, I can’t afford anything like that. 12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same? >> There is no set trajectory, like that. Life has high points and low points, and the majority of it is really spent somewhere in the middle. It’s just that we focus on the high points and the low points most often (and when the low points are particularly low, they often end up defining our entire existence, even when we’re in the middle or even at high points). 13. Does time really heal all wounds? >> It’s not time that does it. Time just always happens to pass while the healing is being done, so we figure it’s the most common denominator. It takes work to heal, not just passively sitting around waiting for it to happen. 14. How do you handle a rainy day? >> I bring an umbrella, if I have to go out. Usually I don’t, so I just... do what I would do normally? 15. Which is worse…losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights? >> Obviously losing your luggage... 16. How is your relationship with your parents? Will you miss them when they are gone? >> We have no relationship. There will be nothing to miss. 17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you? >> Yeah. Especially since I’m prone to hypervigilance. 18. What is the truest thing that you know? >> The truest thing that I know is that I don’t know shit, and neither does anyone else. We’re all just elaborately guessing about shit, and interpreting reality the best way we can. Which is great, really. The fact that we keep trying to understand shit is cool. Just... “the map is not the territory” kind of applies to a lot of the stuff we think we know. ...Or not, right? After all, what do I know? :p 19. What did you want to be when you grew up? >> I just wanted to be free. 20. Have you ever been given a second chance? >> Probably. 21. Are you more of a giver or a taker? >> I’m a fair amount of both, being, you know, a person. 22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind? >> I make my decisions the best way I know how. Whatever that means. 23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? >> Menstrual cramps. 24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you? >> Yeah, right, like I’m going to be able to rank that. 25. Who have you hugged today? >> No one. 26. Who has done something today to show they care about you? >> --- 27. Do you have a lot to learn? >> Of course. I don’t necessarily have to learn all of it, but it sure is out there. 28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be? >> I don’t think that would be of any benefit to me. As much as I balk at taking those long uphill journeys to skillfulness, I feel like those journeys are beneficial and aid one’s growth. I’d rather not just snap my fingers and have a djinni grant me abilities like that. 29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel? >> How what other people do and say makes me feel. 30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship? >> Meh. 31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die? >> I don’t have a list like this. 32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing? >> I think I would rather die than be incarcerated. So I’d take the death penalty if I could avoid a life imprisonment sentence... 33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause? >> Not particularly. 34. What does each decade make you think of? The 1920’s: Prohibition. Wait, was that the 20s or the 30s? 30’s: World War II. 40’s: The rest of WWII. 50’s: I just think of... all the propaganda images from that era. You know, all the... domestic Whiteness... also, weird foods like meat aspic. 60’s: Hippies and Woodstock. 70’s: The Vietnam War (and the protests). 80’s: Hair metal. 90’s: Grunge and weird television/movies. 2000 : Well, I was an adult for most of this decade, and more or less aware of the world, so I don’t have a succinct “concept” of the aughts the way I have for decades that I didn’t live through, that I only have historical knowledge of. 2010’s: ^

35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why? >> I feel an emotional connection to the spirit of the nineties. I don’t feel like trying to organise my words to explain why, I feel like that would take a lot of energy right now and I still have fifteen questions to go. 36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song? >> I don’t have one particular favourite. 37. What country do you live in and who is the leader of that country? >> United States. Donald Trump is president, weirdly enough. If you could say any sentence to the current leader of your country what would it be? >> I’d rather not, thanks. 38. What’s your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night? >> I don’t watch television in the middle of the night... 39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why? >> That’s a great question, but the thing about Disney villains is that I don’t relate to them as much as I just love watching them do what they do. Like, my favourite is Judge Frollo, but I don’t think it’s because I have anything in common with him. Or, hell, maybe I would burn down an entire city because I don’t know how to handle the fact that I really want to bone this superbly hot chick. (My actual favourite villain is Catholic Guilt.) 40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout? >> Briefly. 41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat? >> I would rather fly. I feel like boat travel would take a particularly long time and I’m not into that. 42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night? >> Oh, you know. Science. (I’m not Google.) 43. What does your name mean? >> I’m not sure anyone really knows what “Mordred” means. 44. Would you rather explore the depths of the ocean or outer space? >> Outer space. 45. What is the first word that comes to mind when you see the word: Air: Astrology. Meat: Beef. Different: Strokes. Pink: Panther. Deserve: Entitlement. White: Power, unfortunately. Been reading about too many fucking Nazis lately. Elvis: Pelvis. Magic: Mountain. Heart: Head. Clash: Punk. Pulp: Fiction.

46. If you could meet any person in the world who is dead who would you want it to be? >> I don’t care about this. 47. What if you could meet anyone who is alive? >> I still don’t care. 48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday? >> Of course not. I did watch Event Horizon every day for like a month, but I was in the psych ward at the time. What the fuck else would I have done anyway? 49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do? >> What do I bring to do?! That’s definitely the least of my concerns with a hypothetical like this. I can’t fucking survive in an elevator for a week, dude. 50. Have you ever saved someone’s life or had your life saved? >> Doubtful.

#surveys #survey #5000 question survey

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6505-blog1 · 6 years ago

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The Greatest Rock/Metal Albums of the 21st Century.

21st century marks the most diverse decade for rock and metal continuation. Absorbing, if not radiated by the long progenitors from Led Zeppelin who cranked up their amps and Black Sabbath that turn it out murky and sinister grim, to the dazzling theatrical persona of KISS and Motley Crue, to the new level heavy metal confronter of Judas Priest and Iron Maiden, to the head crusher of Motorhead and Metallica, to the destructo maniac of Slayer and Kreator, to the prog menu offerer of King Crimson and Tool, and finally aligned to have some peculiar layers and brooding tendency of Korn. We have come a long way. Yet our engine keeps raging.

I have cumulated the finest, the most influential, and the most prominent albums released in the new millenium by the descendents that took their predecessors to a whole different level, sustain the genre, and move myriads of people to mosh.

In a particular order:

10. Avenged Sevenfold - City of Evil (Warner Bros, 2005).

Rolling Stones magazine has named the sonically-punk with the flames of Iron Maiden, City of Evil on the last number of their 100 Greatest Album of All Time list. That should be a fair consideration since the extravagants like Beast and the Harlot, Bat Country, and Seize the Day altogether with the rest of the setlist ultimately transced the whole level and the destiny of the band as a leading force of eliticians in not so distant future. The 11 tracks have also successfully resurrected the triumph of classic guitar virtuosso portrait demonstrated on 80's as the talisman, Synyster Gates embarked over tons of appealing riffages and dueling solos which was buried after Nirvana and grunge breaktrough on the early 90's. Veteran and Ozzy Osbourne/Black Label Society guitarist, Zakk Wylde acknowledged him as a "Torchbearer" for arguably giving a birth and cultivating the guitar culture to the next generation.

9. Behemoth - The Satanist (Nuclear Blast, 2014).

The tenth album of Polish most profound extreme metal giant after Adam "Nergal"s battle with leukemia. Unlike the speed and precision exhibited over prior releases, the coagulated dense and horified cultish doom are found intensely throughout the setlist as to explicit the heretic messages. The result is astonishing and stronger than ever. More to add, The Satanist is pure, cathartic, flawlessly emotional, carefully-savage, and conquering by its complexity of repertoire within vivid and cinematical gradation as multi-dimensional tracks Messe Noire, In the Absence ov Light, Ora Pro Nobis Lucifer, and the leadoff Blow Your Trumpets Gabriel ravage in none but diabolical fervor. This album expansive flair has comprehensively unfolded the darkest caverns and creates the new standard of underground craftmanship.

8. Bring Me the Horizon - Sempiternal (RCA/Epitaph, 2013).

I wouldn't believe that i need to make Sempiternal in the cut. Who would have guessed? But i will beat every negation towards it. It is the album that eventually transforms Bring Me the Horizon from bunch of hipsters to one of the most important unit in the 21st century modern rock landscape. A year and a half after the release, Oliver Sykes and co. took over the world attention of rocking Wembley Arena, the same monumental venue where Queen — one of the biggest rock band in the history — was there doing the same story. It was approximately 12.000 attendees which made Sykes stated: "So this is our biggest show ever". The soaring Can You Feel My Heart, the furious The House of Wolves, the euphoric Shadow Moses, and the melodic of Sleepwalking are undeniably the new testament of rock music.

7. Lamb of God - Ashes of the Wake (Epic, 2004).

Count how many metal bands on the planet started after invented Laid to Rest or Now You've Got Something to Die For! It was countless. Lamb of God has became the crowned icon of "New Wave American Heavy Metal" and one of the most distinctive band in the scene. Their ferocious riffs, blistering drum works, lyrical contents, sound, even how to sing like Randy Blythe are largely imitated and seem to be the ideal menifesto of modern metal anatomy with obviously Ashes of the Wake as the highest pedestal. It contains tremendous chaos of 11 front-to-back blazing tracks immensely portrayed after Mark Morton - Willie Adler's virtuosity and of course, Chris Adler's voraciousity. Implying both abundance and how well they grasp the roots that will less likely be outnumbered.

6. Mastodon - Leviathan (Relapse, 2004).

We are now talking (and unravelling) the true genius minds of Atlanta-based extraordinary quartet. The newborn Metallica, Mastodon — the group that always exceed anyone's expectation — has seamlessly ranged their pinaccle from sludge to prog to avant-garde to even folk with staggering exponents of highly sophisticated masterpiece. With any fruition that comes in, the sheer Leviathan is believed as the opener tap. Written after Herman Merville's 1851 novel entitled "Moby Dick", the 46-minutes concept album is nothing but endless breathtaking experience of capturing bizarre Ode to the sea soundtrack. Blood and Thunder, I Am Ahab, and Aqua Dementia are torrent of forceful yet fascinating guttural power chords with Brann Dailor's tracherous drum tempo reflecting the theme while Iron Tusk sets sail upon muscular stoner riff and Naked Burn for menacing-tactical intro and flaunted visceral jarring chorus are hulking the imagery of the beast. Until the epic Hearts Alive with a glimpse of Metallica's The Call of Ktulu patiently reigns and all the greatness rendered.

5. Evanescence - Fallen (Wind-up, 2003).

The album that made Evanescence — a small town band from Arkansas — a megastar in the blink of an eye. It was the second semester of 2003 where the breakthrough hit single, Bring Me to Life played million times on the radio around the globe (and MTV as well) picturing the female face lead singer and her gleaming voice, Amy Lee who started the band with the co-founder guitarist, Ben Moody (though the relationship didn't survive and separation happened in the midst of suporting Fallen tour). The fame that nowhere expected begun when the terrific duo met on a camp and cliche of having the same musical taste brought them to finally sign the major label Wind-up and dominated the world stages in a brief. Fallen with the added values of enchanting piano, symphonical strings livery, and haunting soundscape that most nu-metal groups didn't have at that time effortlessly stood-out and arised in comparison to even Linkin Park. Other songs served like the down-tuned goth Going Under and the everlasting ballad My Immortal are only legitimating their popularity.

4. Ghost - Prequelle (Loma Vista, 2018).

In our nearly five decades of heavy music, such names as Black Sabbath, Pink Floyd, Van Halen with their fantastic works and spirits have became a catalyst that will be remembered greatly in the faraway future for causing an enourmous impact to our community. Those that have bloomed and paved the way many artists to follow. And if there is a chance for this millenium bands to extend the list, Ghost will be the first to step up the grace.

This year, their most recent release Prequelle has been nominated for The Best Rock Album and its single Rats for Best Rock Song of 61st Grammy. An award that should be familiar since they have been winning it two times with Infestissumam (2013) — their second major label album — as The Best Hard Rock/Metal Album and Cirice — the single taken from previous album Meliora (2015) — as Best Metal Performance. A peak of a decade existence for one superior man behind the wheel, Tobias Forge. Appear himself as a satanic pope, Papa Emeritus I, II, III, Zero, and now with the newest fully renowned ascencion clergy Cardinal Copia has completely shaped the band's identity. But the latest Prequelle has more than to be attained to an award. Forge's admiration to film makes no surprise if any substance on the record is prone to get visualized and draw medieval realms so alive and real. He could blend joyous disco with scattered shock rock backbone for Dance Macabre, provide brilliant exotic pop-esque instrumental opus for Miasma, and close all the novelty and intellegiousness by a soothing grand finale of Life Eternal. That is the last strike.

3. Greenday - American Idiot (Reprise, 2004).

With the overwhelmed mainstream-breaking punk rock hit single American Idiot, it was an album (a concept album, for specific) everyone knew which handfully restored a big disappointment both sales and critical of their previous release. Taking the power back after four years gap with anti-Bush vitriol narration over long and merged tracks was everything we could expect from an ambition. Performing sarkastic American-post 9/11 political singable outcry and dragging down to emotionally-related suburban decline on Holiday/Boulevard of Broken Dreams, followed by californian sunset accoustic staccato and straighforward revv Give Me Novacaine/She's A Rebel, a love story of Whatsername where a street punk main actor St. Jimmy fell and how it all ended on Homecoming.

The grandiose worths 16 millions selling CD is the anthem of this generation where a generation ago pridefully have The Clash with the classic London Calling.

2. Slipknot - Iowa (Roadrunner, 2001).

The most brutal and confrontational album of 21st century nothing to this day can bear. That is the deal. A remorseless turmoil just from the first second of welcoming to the house of pain intro, (515) to the last 15 minutes epilogue of magnificent unrelenting drama title track, Iowa. Please recognize the insolent hate mantra "Here we go again motherfuckers" as Corey Taylor opens up and rips off anything with hammer to the face misanthropic followed track, People = Shit that seems a vulgar warning to extend the torture of their 1999 debut phenomenal self titled album. But things got tenfold. They were all damaged animals, making it excuriatingly worst instead, and wanted any living to hear them. That they fuck what trend you live up on bludgeoning bestial Heretic Anthem, that they are adamant bastards you can't bleach their darkness out on atmospherical assault New Abortion, that killing is their primal instinct on grinding jaw-breaker scorn Disasterpieces, that they are fucking obsolete machines on the scorching psychosis Everything Ends. There lies Neurosis-ian dressed Gently and never eschew Grammy nominated singles, Left Behind and My Plague.

All the violent rampage should be addressed to Ross Robinson (producer) for being able to wrap up the devastating times the band encountered in the studio and that was how its ruthless resonated the world where many people are pissed-off to everything. An absolute impossible album to be re-recorded due to its hell of organic material. Yet apart of any malevolence, Iowa is sadly, a gift to liberate your heart and soul.

Honourable mentions:

System of a Down - Toxicity (American/Columbia, 2001).

Converge - Jane Doe (Equal Vision, 2001).

My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade (Reprise, 2006).

1. Linkin Park - Hybrid Theory (Warner Bros, 2000).

The world seriously gives us no chance to break. After Lemmy, Bowie, now we have lost the most beautiful voice that represents our generation.

May rest in peace and honour, Chester Bennington.

We miss you everyday, and we do care if someone whose time runs out is you.

The album that took nu-metal to a whole different level forever and highly contributed to shape the sound that outbursted the 21st century. For two decades, Linkin Park has became the most iconic group on the planet. Breeding the bands like Bring Me the Horizon, Asking Alexandria, and Bullet For My Valentine (with their recent 2018 album, Gravity).

Hybrid Theory (which was the actual name of the band before settling to Linkin Park) is the sublime fusion of heavy metal, alternative rock, hip-hop, pop, and electronica desired only to make a lifetime change. It is truly no derivative. Yet recalling back, it was multiple rejections of label after label before it took off with Don Gillmore (previously worked with Eve 6, Lit, Pearl Jam) to produce the album and pushed the band excessively. It was the part that would not have regretted where all they saw afterwards and going on was all miracle. 28 millions copy sold should be a very serious sensastion everyone must have a seat to talk about. A rock n roll revival after Guns N' Roses's Appetite For Destruction (1987) so to speak. With angst to fuel, Hybrid Theory yielded the catchy single opener One Step Closer, the drug abuse easer Crawling, the unhinged paranoia Papercut, and the most well-known last single sung by anyone In the End. Not to mention its cohesive supplementaries A Place For My Head, Runaway, and My December that blur the foursome due to their equivalent prowess. Admit it, Linkin Park and Hybrid Theory are the gateway to rock and heavy metal empire.

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avaliveradio · 2 years ago

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New Rock Music Single A Simple Fuck You by Nocturnal Animals

Nocturnal Animals - A Simple Fuck You

Release date: Aug 04, 2022

Released by: DistroKid

Genre: Grunge, Emo, Alternative Rock

Known for their high-voltage grunge-pop anthems oozing with unapologetic punk-rock power, Adelaide alt-rockers.

https://open.spotify.com/track/6F3dSGC5O7W8Ss2QlNMlKF?si=4b82d0ffaaf64b21

Nocturnal Animals came about from the ashes of two previous bands; Baja Bleeders & Chasing Claire. One of their first shows found them at "Grom House" opening for Private Function.

2020 and four singles (supported by four SOLD out hometown shows) by Nocturnal Animals with "Rocket Girls", “Cold and Blue”, “LHW” and “Sfos”. 2021 came with the skeleton boys playing local legendary venue Thebarton Theatre, host to such bands as Bring Me The Horizon, Violent Soho, Dune Rats and Tropical Fuck Storm. This was alongside two new singles “Articuno Makes Waves” and “Outside”.

2022 has seen Nocturnal Animals release the thrashing single “Where’s My Mind Been?”, the dance punk anthem “Dancing In The Blood” and “A Simple Fuck You” a big middle finger to someone that has thrown your heart in the dirt. With these releases Nocturnal Animals has supported acts such as DZ Deathrays, Nerve, The Buoys and Psychedelic Porn Crumpets, as well as a National headline tour.

“Are Nocturnal Animals inviting a mosh or a dance frenzy? Both I reckon.” (Declan Byrne, Triple J) "The interjecting vocal yelps really brought this one to life. Living up to its name of fire and ice type too." (Dave Ruby How, Triple J)

“The distortion on the guitars is thick, warm and totally free of the artificialities that I’ve come to loathe in a lot of the pseudo-indie content coming out of the woodwork in the last year or so” (Music Existence)

https://linktr.ee/nocturnalanimals

Featured on Rock Rising Music with Jacqueline Jax

AVA Live Radio hosted by Jacqueline Jax is a podcast that puts an unfiltered provocative spin on new music and what’s behind the releases. This show talks about what’s happening in music and Pop Culture, stripping away the walls of the music industry.

We air our Rock Rising Music Show every Friday as an Exclusive Featured Spotify episode that will post to replay after it airs.

*This show is exclusive to Spotify and all royalties from the show pay to the artists directly through spotify. In addition, listeners can replay your single right on spotify while listening to our show or jump directly to your spotify page. YOU support the artists just by listening and hitting replay. !!!

Rock Rising with Jacqueline Jax

Follow the Playlists for new music all day long…

Indie Rock Vibes on The Rise

Independent rock bands on the rise that you need to hear. Discover what's trending on the indie rock and alternative rock scene. Curated by Jacqueline Jax

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3J1nglWkgQxAkj279XXq4P?si=fddc04b58bc34500

New Indie Music Release Radar

Take all the newest Indie music singles from our broadcast with you on the go. This list updates daily with brand new releases. Curated by Jacqueline Jax

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/56otky5R0otGcyVdIBt4jx?si=d60751452f004e66

New Rock Music Release Radar

Fine tune your Rock music taste by following our weekly updated list of rocks latest bands on the rise. Blog posts on our website : NMRR www.newmusicreleaseradar.com

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6aW5hvv4I1wgeozPxJysl9?si=d4e7a838363340ac

Rock Mania Indie Music Playlist

A mix of fresh indie rock tracks that span from class influences to modern day infusions.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/73jnDJnNNmQfMEmtC4qIGS?si=848c3ef42c73422e

Rock Music Bands your need to know..

#Rock Music #Alternative rock #New music

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minahraven · 7 years ago

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Self-ship #1 - Anonymous x Jungkook

Anonymous said:

Yay awesome! I'll go ahead and submit my self ship request after this ^^ It's no wonder you're a Sugamon stan, you're as openminded as they are heh :D (speaking of which, I consider both of them as the top two most relatable members in the group lolol) And yup! But idk why, for some reason bullet points feel kind of limiting when it comes to elaboration? (and I'd love to hear your opinions) so perhaps you could stick with the usual paragraphs when you're typing up mine haha. Thank you so much!

~¹ I'm a Cancer. 100% INTP traits. Extra: adventurous, assertive, brutally honest, competitive, cynical, easily annoyed but rarely angered, empathic, hermit crab tendencies, huge perv, loyal, major troll, mature, multilingual, openminded, perfectionist, pretty chill until provoked, sadistic, selectively nice (to people who deserve it), socially and emotionally awkward, trustworthy. Fluent in emoji/stickers, profanity, sarcasm, slang, wordplay. ♥: analyzing, animals, art, baking, books, comedy,

~² cultures, desserts, games, goth/ic stuff, horror+gore, history, movies, multifandoms, music, mythology, nature, philosophy, photography, psychology, online shopping, some sports technology, travelling. Colorful dyed hair, black eyes. No makeup besides lip balm, fragrances and nail polish. Multiple piercings and tattoos. My fashion style's a mix of casual, goth/ic, grunge, hiphop, punk, rock + street. May I have a ship with Jungkook please? (It's a two part message bc I've got too much info)

A/N - This is the first time I’ve done a self-ship, so I’m hoping I’ve done it right. Until this request, I hadn’t even heard of them! I will admit, though, I loved doing it, so if anyone else wants them, by all means, keep em coming! The same goes for any other content types you’d like to see on my blog. I’m open to any suggestions!

When he first sets eyes on you

How You Meet:

Let’s be real, this boy is absolutely the perviest, trolliest and most competitive in the group, and no one can convince me otherwise, but I have a feeling he also has a secret quiet side. When he thinks the cameras aren’t on him, he’s staring into space, mulling things over in his mind. So the fact that you two meet at an art gallery may surprise anyone who doesn’t know both of you, but those who get to know you both aren’t remotely surprised that you would have something so apparently random in common. It’s the perfect escape for both of you. While Tae may go there to indulge his artistic side and Namjoon may love to expand his intellectual horizons, for Jungkook, it’s a chance to escape the stresses of being an idol and just revel in the quiet. Sure, he loves the art as much as the others, but that’s more of an added bonus than the main purpose.

I can see him flopping down on a bench in a secluded corner, intending to take in the painting opposite, only to spot a different work of art on another bench that’s much more interesting. He’d sit and stare, I mean admire, for a while, before finally ambling over to the painting you were gazing at, standing just close enough to feel like he’s truly in your company, without creeping you out. All of a sudden, he’d hear a hushed ‘Every time I see this, it gets more beautiful’, and glance over at you, taking a few moments to realise you’re talking about the painting, because although he’s only looked at you a few times, he’s fully convinced the true beauty’s beside him, not in front.

Out on your first date

Your First Date

It would take forever for him to ask you out, but when he finally worked up the courage, and you said yes, it would take him mere moments to plan a date. After you met at the gallery, you’d get to be close very quickly, spending hours talking about your favorite music, movies, animals, everything he could think of to ask to get to know you. He wouldn’t be 100% sure that his plan was to your taste, but it was what he thought of when he thought of you, so to him, it was a natural choice.

He’d pick you up mid-morning, giving you that trademark smirk of his as he assured you he had the whole day planned out. Before long, he’d be grinning at you as he pulled into the parking lot of the zoo, hoping he had chosen right. You’d spend a few hours wandering among the animals, Jungkook pointing out every one that he thought looked like one of his hyungs and doing impressions of them to show just how similar they were until you were both giggling like lunatics.

When you were finally tired and hungry enough, he’d usher you back to the car for stage 2 of the date. Driving out of the city, he’d head for a hill overlooking the surrounding area and tell you to close your eyes. As soon as he was positive you couldn’t see a thing, he’d hop out, scurrying to the trunk and going through every step of the routine he’d rehearsed many times: grabbing the picnic hamper and blanket from the trunk, spreading the blanket out on the grass and laying the hamper on it, gathering the speaker and his phone and setting them up right next to it, scattering cushions here and there until it looked absolutely perfect. It wasn’t until he was certain that he hadn’t missed a thing that he would press play on his phone, your favourite (slower) song coming through the speaker. He’d then come back to the car and guide you out, not allowing you to open your eyes until you were stationed in just the right spot to see it to full effect, because this wouldn’t be just any first date. He’d have waited to properly ask you out until he was sure of the feelings blossoming in his chest before saying anything. You’re special enough that he wouldn’t want to ask you out if it was just a ‘maybe’ thing. For him, it’s all or nothing, so this wouldn’t just be a date, it would be the day he’d confess that he was utterly, head over heels in love with you.

Receiving a particularly good strategy text

The Aftermath

Well, good grief, girl! If anyone thought that Jungkook was a danger to life and limb before you guys started dating, it would be even more well-known afterwards. As friends, you’d be a force to be reckoned with, but as a couple? Whoo boy. Dates would turn into gaming sessions at every opportunity, the two of you teaming up to kick the rest of the maknae line’s butts. Between rounds, you’d text each other strategies, using exclusively emojis so that if the others got hold of your phones, it would look like you were just sending lovey dovey messages to each other and keeping it quiet out of respect, when actually that ‘heart, heart, smileyface’ message really meant ‘I can’t wait to kill em both’.

Once the games were over and everyone was sufficiently exhausted, and of course you had all had your fill of Jin’s wonderful cooking (because you just know he’d adopt you as one of his little brood), he’d drag you off to his room, making sure to let everyone you wanted to be “ALONE”, where, knowing that boy (and probably you), what was intended to be a snuggle session would evolve into his admiring your piercings and tattoos. All of them. Very, very close up. And then, of course, he’d have to make absolutely and completely positive you weren’t hiding any. Wink, wink.

#ships #ship request #bts ships #kpop ships #bts #BTS request #BTS jungkook #bts jeon jungkook #jeon jungkook #selfship #Jungkook selfship

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lunapaper · 5 years ago

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Album Review: ‘Immunity’ - Clairo

It’d be easy to write Clairo off as an industry plant.

Like Billie Eilish, her rise to fame so far has been pretty swift, with her DIY video for ‘Pretty Girl’ scoring over 36m views. And her dad has a friend whose marketing agency just happens to have ties to FADER, with Clairo now signed to the magazine’s label…

That helps.

With her grainy visuals and lo-fi hip hop sensibilities, the Atlanta-born singer proves peak aesthetic for a generation that loves to carefully curate its melancholia, self-loathing and nostalgia online. It’d be way too easy.

But Claire Cottrill major label debut Immunity proves she definitely has the talent to back it up, stepping out from the bedroom pop intimacy of her viral hit to broaden her sonic horizons, all while retaining her unflinching angst.

‘Alewife’ opens the record to a still, claustrophobic scene (‘In Massachusetts/Only 30 minutes from Alewife/I lay in my room/Wonderin' why I've got this life’), an debt of gratitude to Cottrill’s close friend Alexa, who helped stop the singer from committing suicide in eighth grade. ‘I didn’t want to make a sad song. I just wanted to get those emotions out. I needed to tell this story, about how this person got me out of such a horrible time, and how there are lots of people like her out there,’ as she recently told PAPER about the track, turning this deeply heartbreaking event into a serene source of comfort for those also in pain.

On ‘Impossible,’ it’s her turn to reach out (‘How are you feeling? How are you doing?/I'm sorry, I just wanted to hear your voice so clear’), seeking closure years after a breakup atop a featherlight, drum-driven groove akin to HAIM’s indie pop cool (with Danielle Haim playing drums on several tracks). ‘North’ recalls the sugary-sweet grunge pop of Soccer Mommy, Snail Mail, Jay Som and Phoebe Bridgers as Cottrill describes feeling ‘nervous, couldn’t tell you why/Touching me, hands warm on my thighs/And I know I could turn a blind eye/Afraid of what I'm gonna find,’ taking those cautious first steps towards exploring her queer identity. ‘Bags,’ too, follows suit, a brighter, more vibrant take on the murky alt-rock of the 90s, with love sadly proving unrequited for the singer this time around.

‘Sinking’ – a standout – is a deceptive cut of modern-day doo-wop as the singer drawls: ‘Don't you wait for something more/I'll still be sinking to the floor/Oh, you tried to help me/Why do I feel so cold?,’ alluding to her rheumatoid arthritis. ‘Softly,’ meanwhile, is a gorgeous 00s-indebted RnB deep cut, with slink bass mingling with sunburnt chords as Cottrill confesses: ‘You get me in the mood, know what I'm tryna do/Do you think that we can move closer, baby?’

Romance also underpins the effervescent ‘Sofia’ (referring to Cottrill’s crushes on Sofia Coppola and Sofia Vegara), where hypnotic synth loops and hazy distortion echo the singer’s fear and excitement as she further confirms her sexual status (‘I'm still not really sure what my sexuality is, but I do know that it's not straight,’ as she recently told Out).

Though not all of Cottrill’s experiments pay off on Immunity.

‘Feel Something’ pales in comparison in its vain attempt to emulate Ariana or Olivia O’Brien’s mainstream appeal. ‘White Flag’ is a more low-key take on Maggie Rogers’ defiant tribal pop that quickly loses steam. ‘Close To You’ fits awkwardly in amongst Immunity’s gauzy atmospherics, the heavy amount of Auto-Tune on Cottrill’s already tender vocal ill-fitting as are the generic trap-lite beats that already saturate the modern pop landscape.

“I Wouldn’t Ask You,’ however, rounds out the album with impeccable beauty. What starts as a ghostly hymn - with organ courtesy of Chance the Rapper collaborator Peter Cottontale - beautifully blooms into a jazzy, beat-flecked daydream.

Again, she refers to her autoimmune disease (‘Baby, wake the fuck up, time for you to grow up/Don't you know that life is rarely ever fair?’), which leaves the singer feeling understandably helpless. But when the heavens finally break through, it’s glorious, Cottrill weary yet quietly triumphant as she proclaims: ‘Caught me by surprise/Everything I need in my life/I wanna call you mine/I wanna be intertwined.’ ‘I Wouldn’t Ask You’ ultimately brings the record full circle, the heartbreak worth the battle when the singer finally lets her guard down.

Clairo’s full-length debut is a little too understated at times, but it shows great promise. There’s no denying she has a knack for hooks and infectious melodies, and paired with the undeniably nostalgic production of former Vampire Weekender Rostam Batmanglij and the nimble drumwork of Haim they really come to life, all without losing the DIY charm of ‘Pretty Girl’ nor the raw, confessional quality of Cottrill’s storytelling.

Immunity is imperfect, but it definitely adds to the charm. However Clairo got here, you can’t deny she make you feel a lot of things so simply yet so deeply…

- Bianca B.

#music #clairo #immunity #new #reviews #albums #Bianca B

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kosa12-blog · 8 years ago

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Inside Chris Cornell’s Lifelong Struggle With Fame: The Soundgarden Frontman Battled Demons as He Became a Rock God

Ask anyone yesterday, and the answer would have been that Chris Cornell had seemingly survived the sort of demons that had consumed so many rock 'n' roll stars before him, including fellow founding members of the very Seattle grunge scene that birthed Soundgarden in the 1980s. So when people started to wake up this morning to news that Cornell had died at the age of 52, the grief that started pouring out from his fellow artists and legions of fans was palpable. A few hours later an autopsy confirmed that Cornell had committed suicide by hanging himself. And as the tributes to his musical prowess are written—his was considered to be one of the greatest voices in rock, a booming yet nuanced voice capable of leading a headbanging frenzy in a packed stadium and commanding silence with an unplugged ballad—the feeling of shock will be unshakable. After all, he died in the middle of a tour, hours after Soundgarden performed at Detroit's Fox Theatre. Only in hindsight does Cornell's final bit of creative license onstage, mixing in a bit of Led Zeppelin's "In My Time of Dying" with his band's "Slaves & Bulldozers," seem fraught with meaning. Celebrity Deaths: 2017's Fallen Stars Though it's unclear whether he knew about Cornell's tribute, Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page tweeted upon hearing the news, "RIP Chris Cornell Incredibly Talented... Incredibly Young...Incredibly Missed." Sources told TMZ this morning that Cornell's wife of 13 years, Vicky Karayiannis, has been telling people around her that Chris had been showing no signs of depression, much less indicating he was suicidal in any way. Moreover, she reportedly said, it was unfathomable he would take his own life because he was so devoted to his three children, son Christopher and daughter Toni with Vicky and daughter Lillian Jean with his ex-wife, Susan Silver. And as far as any identifiable outward behavior went, that is often the case. Soundgarden, which had reunited in 2010 after more than a decade apart, was reportedly recording its first new album in five years. Audioslave, which Cornell formed with Tom Morello in 2001, played its first show together in 12 years just months ago for Prophets of Rage's political protest affair, the Anti-Inaugural Ball. Cornell even did a stage dive and was comfortably caught by dozens of outstretched hands. Also a noted solo artist, the rocker had also just contributed the titular track for the film The Promise, set during the days leading up to the Armenian Genocide. (His solo pipes were quite sought after for movie soundtracks, notably including Singles, Great Expectations, Mission: Impossible 2 and Casino Royale.) Last month he shared a photo from his trip to Greece, where he visited a refugee camp with the International Rescue Committee and brought his daughter Toni with him to the Vatican for a screening of The Promise. In 2015 when Cornell was on his solo Higher Truth tour, Toni joined him onstage at New York's Beacon Theater one night to cover Bob Marley's "Redemption Song," showing off her own impressively strong voice. (Asked what his advice would be if his kids wanted to pursue music careers, he said, "Make sure that it's inspired, that's your chief goal, 'cause I also believe that success comes from that.") Between Soundgarden, Audioslave and his five solo albums, Cornell seemed to almost never be not working throughout the course of his three-decade career. Though they had already been rocking out for a decade beforehand, Superunknown, their fourth album, put Soundgarden on the mainstream map in 1994, debuting at No. 1 on the Billboard 200 and going on to sell more than 9 million copies. The haunting, doll-head-melting video for the smash-hit track "Black Hole Sun" won Best Rock Video at the 1994 MTV Video Music Awards, and the band won two Grammys in 1995, Best Hard Rock Performance for "Black Hole Sun" and Best Metal Performance for "Spoonman." Musicians Performing Live on Stage But though Chris Cornell was the consummate rock frontman, from his scruffy handsomeness to his booming gravelly voice and magnetic stage presence, it was making the music that consumed him, and while he wholeheartedly appreciated his fans, he didn't love the scrutiny that accompanies fame or the expectations and pressure that goes with being known for a certain type of music. "It's about trying to step out of being patterned and closed off and reclusive, which I've always had a problem with," Cornell told Rolling Stone in 1994 nine months after Superunknown catapulted Soundgarden to the next level of success, explaining the meaning behind the song "I Day I Tried to Live." "It's about attempting to be normal and just go out and be around other people and hang out. I have a tendency to sometimes be pretty closed off and not see people for long periods of time and not call anyone." With Kurt Cobain's suicide on April 5, 1994, still fresh in everyone's mind, and fresh off the smash success of Superunknown, Cornell (who was a huge Nirvana fan but didn't consider himself a friend of Kurt's) also told the magazine that it was "hard not to be a little bitter" about the commercialization of Seattle as this whole grunge music "scene." "We lost good friends in the process," he said. "And all of a sudden you realize that it's turned into something that's considered a fashion statement. It's like mining. It's like somebody came into your city with bulldozers and water compressors and mined your own perfect mountain and excavated it and threw out what they didn't want and left the rest to rot. It's that bad." He continued, "All of a sudden you see it on TV, and people that you know and love are getting the wrong idea because of what they saw on the news. You can't help but think that somewhere, somebody's been robbed. And I don't even think it's me. I think it's everyone." "We've always been fairly reclusive and damaged," he said of himself and his band mates. Though Cornell considered Soundgarden a bit removed from the Seattle machine, he was proud of where the band came from. "But outside of the people that were involved with the Seattle scene when it was happening, the rest of the country and the world and probably a lot of the bands that play in Seattle now think that what the Seattle scene was about is Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Nirvana and Alice in Chains—guitar-based rock with punk influences and '70s influences. Period. End of story. And that's so far from what was going on." His perspective would evolve in the ensuing decades, but, perhaps rooted in his hard-fought beginnings to get his band off the ground, Cornell the singer-songwriter always felt somewhat at odds with Cornell the rock star. "I was always the kid who listened to records on my own, in my bedroom, spending hours focusing, always gravitating to deep album tracks and those weirder ones. That was kind of my thing," he reflected to TheStranger.com in 2015 while talking about whether he had mixed feelings about commercial success. "And if one of those made it on the radio, it was always a little bit surprising. The same way it was surprising to me when 'Black Hole Sun' was a single when everybody seemed to unanimously choose it as one. I don't think we thought of it as a song that would make it on the radio." Ultimately, touring as a solo artist, whether he was singing stripped-down versions of his songs that were his own, Soundgarden's or Audioslave's, helped him reconcile what could be misconstrued as his competing sounds. Going acoustic or thereabouts "brought it all together under one umbrella, and I started to feel like, oh, that's who I am," he said. "It's not a mystery. It's not a puzzle to solve. I'm this guy, and that's my entire history." Soundgarden broke up in 1997 and Cornell immediately got to work on his own solo debut, 1999's Euphoria Morning (16 years later he changed the spelling to the originally intended Mourning), then headed out on tour. But while he would later say that he never wrote—effectively, anyway—while under the influence of any substance other than coffee ("always my biggest vice"), Cornell's issues were starting to catch up with him. "Alcohol's the only drug that affects your entire brain," he mused in an interview years later about why being under the influence and writing didn't mix for him, as it has for many creative types. "It would do this one thing, I suppose, that's good for someone in terms of the expressionism, which kind of relieves you of your fear, and you become less inhibited. But then for me, for whatever some reason, the doors that need to open to where it becomes almost like I'm the conduit to something else, it's not just a construct—that just doesn't open up. I think alcohol dumbs, whatever that is, down...And other drugs too. Nothing ever made me more inspired, or more able or more capable as a songwriter. "It's not like I didn't try. I wrote things drunk before. I just made sure nobody every heard them or saw the lyrics," he laughed. "I would destroy it." Celebrity Rehabbers He went to rehab in the early '00s but didn't talk much about it until years later. "I went through a serious crisis with depression where I didn't eat a whole meal every day. I was just kind of shutting down," he told Seattle PI in 2006, talking about the period after Soundgarden broke up. "I eventually found that the only way out of that was to change virtually everything in my life. That was a very frightening thing to do, but it was worthwhile... " "But I felt there was something on the horizon that was going to be very big and I didn't know what it was going to be, but I felt like it was out there somewhere." Rehab "was something I didn't want to do and I guess I was intimidated by it. I thought I was smart enough and that it wasn't really necessary. But it got to the point where I had to do something." He told the U.K.'s Mirror in 2012 that rehab was inevitable, even if Soundgarden had initially stayed together. Cornell described his battle with substance abuse as "a long slow slide and then a long, slow recovery—but there was self-discovery too...For me it was mostly alcohol—from my late teens until my late thirties." One of the reasons that so many people were unaware of what plagued him was that Cornell barely missed a beat as far as his musical output went—a fact he acknowledged to the Mirror. "I came out of rehab," he recalled, "and immediately went on tour with Audioslave, sold millions of records and was playing in front of crowds of 10,000 or 20,000. It's not what most people go through. Most of the time, coming out of rehab people have a destroyed life, struggle to just work again and get a job. "I sort of had an identity sitting there waiting to be embraced. I was very lucky I was able to see that and not take it for granted. It helped me climb out of the mire. I saw how hard it could be." Shocking Pop Star Deaths Cornell met Vicky in Paris and lived in the City of Light for a time, at one point opening a restaurant (he had held restaurant jobs and worked as a sous chef in his struggling-musician days) called Black Calavados with his wife and brother-in-law while he was also making music with Audioslave. A few years ago, the Cornell family relocated to Miami. "I wasn't sure how that would work, being creative here, living here, writing here," he told the Tampa Bay Times about his new home in 2015. "But I just started doing that, and it seems to be doing great." Soundgarden reunited in 2010, but Cornell also continued to record and tour as a solo act. Asked in 2015 about changing the name of his 1999 album Euphoria Mourning to its originally intended, more morose spelling, he told Rolling Stone that the record company had preferred "Morning," thinking it would cause less confusion. "It was a pretty dark album lyrically and pretty depressing, and I was going through a really difficult time in my life," Cornell recalled. "My band wasn't together anymore, my marriage was falling apart and I was dealing with it by drinking way too much, and that has its own problems, particularly with depression...But mentally I wasn't together enough to really know what was right. So I went with 'Morning,' and it's bothered me ever since." His own struggles made him particularly attuned to the unsuspecting ease with which tragedy could strike those who seemingly would have more lifelines than most. Asked about the impromptu cover of "I Will Always Love You" that he sang at a fundraiser for Barack Obama in 2012 that was held a few days after Whitney Houston's death, Cornell told Vulture, "There are a lot of feelings in people who are stars who had an effect on a lot of other people. Anyone that suffers depression and addiction, as it relates to the entertainment business, often there can kind of be a cocoon [around them]. "Though you would imagine someone like that would have more resources to get better, it can often be the opposite. You're kind of enabled to continue whatever lifestyle it is. There's sadness to anyone that dies before their time, and specifically ones that seem to affect people in a positive way. It doesn't matter if it's Whitney Houston or a nameless, faceless person on the street. That's just as big of a tragedy for me." He was also very aware of the sad endings that had befallen so many fellow musicians, not least of them the ones who got their start in his hometown, such as Cobain and Alice in Chains' Layne Staley, who died of an overdose in 2002. And it seemed, including to those close to him, up until less than 24 hours ago, that Cornell was not facing down the kind of pain that can get the better of anyone, no matter how big the success or how loving the family. "There's something about losing friends, particularly young people, where it's not something that you get over," Cornell told Vulture. "I don't believe there's a healing process. How do you, really? In what way can you stop and say, 'Well, it's god's will.' I always thought that line I've heard a million times—twice as bright but half as long—is bulls--t. It's tragedy. I just carry all of that with me all the time. "All I can do, if anything, out of respect for my friends that are no longer here, is to do my best to lead a good life and and take advantage of the fact that I'm still around, take the opportunities I have that they should've had."

#Inside #Chris #Cornell’s #Lifelong #Struggle #Fame:#Soundgarden #Frontman #Battled #Demons #Became

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tcoffin42 · 8 years ago

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Dinosaur Jr. - You’re Living All Over Me

This album was highly influential on me and on the alternative rock scene. Released at the end of 1987, I first heard “The Lung” over WBOR FM from Bowdoin College and I was hooked on those big, distorted guitar power chords.

1. "Little Fury Things" 3:06 2. "Kracked" 2:50 3. "Sludgefeast" 5:17 4. "The Lung" 3:51 5. "Raisans" 3:50 6. "Tarpit" 4:36 7. "In a Jar" 3:28 8. "Lose" 3:11 9. "Poledo" 5:43

The opening of this album has more distortion and “Wah” pedal then I had ever heard. And the lo-fi closing track, “Poledo,” is a nice primer for bassist Lou Barlow’s other band, Sebadoh. I saw Dinosaur Jr. in a little venue called Zootz in Portland, Maine. It was the loudest show I’ve ever been to in my life. Something about Meat Puppets and Dinosaur Jr. rings my guitar-lovin’ bell. I have and love all their albums. A lot has been said (and written) about this album and its influence on, maybe Kurt Cobain, maybe all of lo-fi indy rockdom. For certain, it opened my musical mind to the grunge rock that was on the horizon in ‘87. We hope you’ll open your mind to the possibilities and listen to, “You’re Living All Over Me” with us this week.

#dinosaur jr #j mascis #lou barlow #murph #lo fi #indy rock #sebadoh #album of the week

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lovelyrhink · 8 years ago

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no day but today

the heart may freeze, or it can burn. the pain will ease, and i can learn. there is no future, there is no past, i live this moment as my last

rhett used to be famous. well, at least before the virus took hold.

the year is 1989, new york city, december 24th, 9pm, eastern standard time. rhett sits in his chilly warehouse apartment plucking out a few sorry chords with numb fingers. he’s grunged up and broken down, and his roommate, gregg, is scavenging the place for loose scraps of paper, posters, and screenplays. the eastern wind is bitterly cold, and heat is not a luxury either of the artists can afford. gregg convinces rhett to stop moping about long enough to fashion a makeshift fire in a large metal tin, and the two gripe to each other about their overdue rent before dumping the embers down into the street with the rest of the tenants on the grimy block. rhett and gregg look out over the city from their metal balcony, desperately ignoring the bleak days ahead. little does rhett know, there’s a skinny, blue-eyed dancer smoking a cigarette on the balcony below him, deciding right then and there that he’s going to make rhett his.

now rhett, just freshly 23, once had a future in music. he was the pretty boy frontman of a relatively popular rock band, and with guitar in hand, he’d croon out grungy ballads to a motley crew of druggies and drinkers at any downtown bar that hosted them. he loved performing and all the activities that came with it - long night drives through the city, smoking, and kissing pretty girls with beer-tinged tongues. however, during one show, more than a year ago now, he spotted a girl unlike any he’d ever seen, with a dangerous mischief in her eyes that had him captured by her every whim. they had a fast, sexy relationship that had them both running on the high of rock and roll and other drugs, and soon, spliffs turned to smack and addiction caught both of them off guard. realization hit both rhett and his girlfriend hard when they were tested and came up HIV-positive. rhett’s girlfriend then slit her wrists in the bathroom and left him to struggle through a year of withdrawal alone.

that’s where he is now, stuck in the middle of waiting to die and waiting to live. he tries to write music, but hasn’t found much inspiration. he and gregg are both broke and constantly unable to pay rent, and avenue A is littered with the ashen remains of people like them. yet, on good days, rhett can find comfort and joy in his friends. gregg is, in every sense, his best friend, but gregg’s friends and ex girlfriend bring a sense of community to their shitty lives. there’s jessie, gregg’s ex, and her new girlfriend, christy, as well as collins, a professor at MIT who was expelled for his theory of actual reality.

on this particular christmas night, rhett meets someone that changes everything. after gregg leaves, he’s planning on going back to stoned sulking when he gets a knock at the door. he turns and yanks open the heavy metal slab, “what’d you forget?” already out his mouth.

“got a light?”

there, standing before him, is the scrawny kid from downstairs. he’s got a pretty, kind of dirty face, and his eyes are bloodshot and bagged, but they’re blue and beautiful all the same. he holds out an unlit candle as he cocks his head playfully. rhett takes a moment to look at him: he’s in a light gray tank top, loose patterned flannel, and ripped black skinny jeans - far too exposed for this weather. his bright smile is daring, though, and he scratches his stubbly jaw as he waits for rhett to respond.

“i know you,” rhett says. the boy smiles wider and lingers in the doorway, swaying a bit. rhett can’t take his eyes off the moonlight in his dark hair. “you’re shivering.”

the boy then invites himself inside and plays a game with rhett as he introduces himself. he asks rhett to light his candle, and rhett does, sparking the wick with a lighter as if he was meant to all his life. as the flame glows orange and steady between them, rhett stares at the stranger as if he were an apparition, suddenly here before him and making the whole world feel different. he grins at him again, and there’s a certain mischief in his smile that reminds rhett of someone else.

“what?” the stranger asks as rhett loses himself in his eyes.

“it’s nothing, your smile reminded me of...”

“i always remind people of... who is he?”

“she died.”

“she?”

“her name was april.”

the boy’s candle goes out again and he says he’s sorry about rhett’s friend. he then quickly moves on and resumes what rhett reads as flirting, taking every opportunity to press into rhett’s space and use the glow of the low flame to throw him dark, lusty eyes. rhett can only blink stupidly, roses in his cheeks, as he plays the boy’s game, sparking his wick over and over. rhett’s completely flustered by the time he’s telling rhett that he’s dropped his stash (”it was pure! is it on the floor?”) and begins crawling around on his hands and knees.

“they say that i’ve got the best ass below fourteenth street,” he says, peeking over his shoulder, rump in rhett’s face. “is it true?”

rhett can’t help but stare. it’s small and round and perky and utterly spankable. “what?”

“you’re staring again.”

rhett goes hot. “oh no... i mean, you do have a nice...”

the boy with the great ass then chuckles and asks rhett to help him look. as the two of them crawl around looking for powder, rhett learns that he recognizes the kid from the cat scratch club, the night club where he works. rhett remembers seeing him there when he used to go out, they used to tie him up. he was so incredibly sexy there in the lights in skimpy, skin-tight clothes, crawling around and putting his little ass on display for everyone, handcuffs binding his wrists as other dancers twirled around him and rubbed dirty twenty-dollar bills over his ass and crotch. rhett burns at the thought, then realizes he doesn’t look any less seductive now, talking to him in his apartment and prowling his floor, albeit dressed down. he also teases the kid about his age (”you look like you’re sixteen,” “i’m nineteen!”) and his signs of addiction. when rhett finally finds the little baggie of dreams that fucked up his whole life, he hides it in his back pocket and continues to melt under his neighbor’s clever tricks, feigning innocence. though he’s not yet twenty, the dancer sure knows his stuff, and he guides rhett back down on the couch and nearly sits on him, curls his fingers around rhett’s hands and tells him they’re big like his father’s, and flicks his druggie eyes at rhett’s lips so many times that rhett can’t help but lick them, wanting to put his tongue in the boy’s mouth. he doesn’t, though. the kid just asks him to dance, then circles him and takes his stash from rhett’s back pocket. he flicks it in front of his face, says, “they call me link,” and leaves rhett’s apartment with a sway of his hips.

fortunately, that isn’t the last time rhett sees him. in the morning, when collins brings home a new friend - angel - rhett sees that link has written, “xmas brunch, just us? - link” in the frost on the window. gregg, angel, and collins all tease him about it and ask him if he’s going, but rhett’s heart is closed. though he felt more than he’s felt in a long time the moment link asked him to light his candle, he’s still jaded.

hurting and disappointed in himself, rhett pushes up onto the roof of their apartment building and looks out over the city. all the gray and brown squares against the smoky horizon will be here long after he is, though it’s not a thought he’s unfamiliar with. he is a single working cog in the city’s machine, but his body is failing to function, and with it, takes his heart. he puts his hands on the cold stone railing, empty sigh on the city breeze. how can he love again when he’s dying? when he’s coming off a year of addiction? how can he let someone in when the wounds of april’s suicide still burn? and while link brings moonlight in his hair, he also brings memories of being a young junkie, shivering and sweaty and eager for a fix, and rhett’s not looking to go back. this idea of link - whatever he stands for, sex, romance, adventure - it’s all too much, and rhett can’t bear to try. he can barely find the music inside him, how can he let love bloom where there’s only pain? rhett struggles to find glory, to write one last song before he goes. if he can’t even make the most of his last moments on his own, how on earth can he enjoy time with someone else? the truth is, he can’t, even if he did enjoy their strange little encounter, even if he wants so badly to take whatever those blue eyes are offering him, to hold that skinny boy in his arms and make him forget pain. fear is, to put it plainly, a ferocious thing. and as a new yorker, fear is rhett’s life.

it’s late christmas night, rhett all alone in the apartment, just him and his guitar, when link barges in once again. this time, he sneaks up the balcony and breathes hot steam on the icy windows. rhett goes warm at the sight, but something within him fights back. link unhinges the window, dark eyes on rhett all the while, and crawls through. tonight, he’s apparently just gotten off a shift at the club, because there’s a smudge of silver-purple shadow over his lids and a soft pink gloss on his lips. he’s wearing a tight black shirt atop a mesh layer, and his pants are charcoal, tight, fake leather. his hair’s a mess, no doubt from a few handsy customers, and his body moves in a way that makes rhett think he’s still working. he saunters towards rhett, that unplaceable mischief still on his lips, as he crawls up on the table, takes powder from his pocket, and pulls rhett in for a kiss. his lips are warm and sticky with gloss, and in the slight swivel of his head, rhett feels the barest hint of tongue peek through. rhett wants to melt, he wants to lay him back on the table and take it all, but his heart resists. he pulls back, angry, and screams at him. he says how dare you come to me now? how dare you ask this of me? you act as if you know the answer, but tell me, if you’re so wise, then why do you need smack? take your needle, take your fancy prayer, and don’t forget, get the moonlight out of your hair. long ago, you might have lit up my heart, but the fire’s dead, and it ain’t ever gonna start.

rhett can’t admit that he’s scared of trying when he has no time left. he can’t tell those sad blue eyes that while they’d do another dance, heat at the seam of their bodies, he just... can’t. there’s too much pain there. too much fear. so he turns his back on link (he can’t bear those unsmiling lips) and tells him to get out. link is stubborn, though, and fights back.

what are you afraid of? he says. why won’t you take your chances? there’s only us, there’s only this, forget regret, or life is yours to miss. the heart may freeze, or it can burn. i can be your fire. please.

“another day,” rhett says. “come back another day.”

“no day but today.” link’s voice is firm and pleading. let me love you.

but rhett doesn’t let him. he keeps yelling at him until link’s all the way down the stairs and back out on the street. he’s a lone piano key against the gray stretch of road, and looks up at rhett’s balcony, tears in his eyes. although he hates himself for it, rhett leaves him there in the cold and doesn’t look back. he doesn’t see gregg, collins, and angel coming up the street, or the way link hugs angel as if he’s just had his heart broken. perhaps he has.

rhett can’t sleep that night, though he never can. he knows he’d made the wrong decision the moment he pulled back from link’s lips, but it’s too late now. he tosses and turns all night thinking of link’s eyes, eyes that he can’t get out of his head, and by morning, gregg has had enough. he convinces rhett to go and do something about it, chase the love he deserves, and rhett bucks up enough to agree. later that night, gregg’s ex, jessie, is hosting a protest performance in an empty lot, and on the way there, rhett finds link buying from his old dealer. he can’t stand the thought of such a young beauty wrecking himself the way he did, so he says hello, hoping to guide link away. his dealer curses him for stealing his client, and rhett snaps. he pushes him back with two hands on his chest, hard, and says, “you didn’t miss me, you won’t miss him,” and leads link away.

“i’m sorry about last night,” rhett confesses. “i was out of line. can i make it up to you?”

link plays coy and hesitant but there’s still hope in his smile. “how?”

“a bunch of us are getting together tonight after jessie’s show.”

“and?”

“would you like to go with me?” it’s the most forward rhett’s been since april, but he knows he has to take a chance. he doesn’t know if he’ll wake tomorrow, and he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he never allowed himself to love again.

“yeah.” link’s eyes dart from rhett’s face to the bums shuffling about the graffitied lot. “i’d like that.”

rhett smiles and they begin walking together, falling into step as if they had been all their lives. link’s tall, but not as tall as rhett, and he fits so perfectly beside him that rhett can’t keep his eyes off the beautiful angle of his face and jaw. link nudges him playfully and puts up his fists. “so you’re a tough guy, huh?”

rhett goes bashful and grins like he used to, the two of them weaving through the crowd in search of their friends. the place is packed, swatches of brown and beige winter coats shoved together in a sea of bodies, jessie’s stage at the front, glittering with wires and equipment. she arrives on a motorcycle to thunderous screams, scrambles up onto the stage, and flips her long dark hair out of her helmet beneath the golden lights. christy’s up high, shining a spotlight down on her, no doubt glowing with pride.

jessie’s show is incredible because jessie herself is incredible. rhett understands why gregg was and is still so in love with her, and christy too. she’s a powerhouse, singing and dancing and dragging all the big-wig three-piece-suits to hell with little empathy. she inspires the crowd so much, actually, that a riot breaks out, and rhett, link, collins, and angel dip before they get hurt. gregg stays behind, filming.

later, along with jessie and christy, the four of them wait inside the cafe for gregg. he arrives just before they get a table and tells them that someone bought his footage of the riot. they celebrate by moving the cafe tables together to form one long banquet and drinking wine and beer until their sleepless eyes grow fuzzy from booze and smoke. rhett gets so caught up, however, that he seems to forget link. link approaches him as he fiddles with the guitar at the cafe stage and asks him why he’s being ignored if he was invited.

rhett tells him he’s sorry, he’s trying. a beeping interrupts them and link takes a tin from his pocket. “AZT break,” he says meekly.

that’s when rhett knows. he knows that link is so brash and risky because he doesn’t have much time left, either. no day but today means today is all we have, for the both of us, so let’s make the most of it. they’re both battling the same virus, and rhett’s suddenly not the only one afraid. it breaks and mends rhett’s heart at the same time, and then and there amidst the busy hum of the live cafe, he feels more for the dancer than he did when he was shivering with an unlit candle in his apartment two nights before. he realizes they’re in this together, that while they’re both crumbling from the inside out, they’re allowed to fall in love and fuck freely because they share their darkest trait.

“you?” rhett asks quietly, almost inaudible beneath angel’s bubbly laughter.

“me. you?”

“link...”

link says nothing as he guides them outside and into the snowy alleyway. he looks so small and fragile beneath his sweater, and rhett wants to put his hands on his skin if only to heal him. he knows he can’t, though, so he pushes his hands into his pockets and lets the brisk winter wind keep his chapped lips far from link’s face, far from doing something stupid.

they walk together in the snow, slowly, shoulders brushing. snowflakes fall around them, onto their shoulders and into their hair, and when rhett looks at link, he can see the faintest frost on his dark eyelashes. link sighs, breath just steam on the wind. “well,” he says, alone with rhett now and vulnerable once again. “here we go.”

“i should tell you -” rhett starts, but he can’t seem to find the words. he doesn’t know where to begin, he doesn’t know how this goes. it’s been so long since he’s opened his heart, and he’s ready to let it burn, ready for link to light it, but he’s still hesitant.

link senses his fear and goes first. “i should tell i blew the candle out just to get back in.”

it makes rhett brave. “i’d forgotten how to smile until your candle burned my skin.”

now on equal ground, they stop at the center of the alley and lock eyes. rhett looks down at link, white snowflakes in his dark hair, eyes navy under the night sky. he looks young and fresh and beautiful and pure, not the druggie stripper kid he is on paper. his lips are pink and slightly dry and the snowflakes on his lashes haven’t get fallen away. he is truly magnificent, looking up at rhett, and when his hands find rhett’s hips and pull him close, rhett soaks up his warmth and forgets, just for a moment, that they’re both dying.

they kiss, and it’s beautiful. link tugs rhett down into him and rhett accepts, letting himself free fall into whatever adventure link brings him. they keep it short and sweet, though rhett is hot and aching for more, and dip back inside the cafe before anyone knows they left at all. the moment they get inside, however, they brush the snow off each other’s shoulders and hair, and link wraps his arms around rhett’s neck and goes in for another kiss in the process. this time, they linger, soft lips and wet tongues and bodies pressed close, losing themselves in time and heat, and suddenly pull apart to the sound of applause.

their friends are cheering for them, and rhett has never been so happy. the whole bunch of them then celebrate once more, though this time for more than jessie’s show. they celebrate life, the bohemian life, to be exact, and boost each other up both in spirit and to dance on the tables and bar. they cheer for those who can’t, who’ve been lost to aids or suicide or frost or accidents or hate. they sing for dykes and homos and trannies and fags, taking those bitter slurs and making them their own, wearing their tender hearts proudly. they dance for artists and writers and anyone else who creates, to famous poets and kinky lovers and everyone outside the mainstream. collins smokes up the cafe as he honors marijuana, and angel shimmies her hips for all the fashion-forward divas making dresses out of trash bags. they drink for bums, for students, and for single mothers, they kiss and make love in the glory of sodomy, dildos, and anything taboo. they understand the importance of culture and activism and diversity, and each of them fights for a better world. actual reality - stand up, fight aids! the opposite of war isn’t peace, it’s creation, and all rhett’s friends and comrades remind him every day that it’s not too late to wield his weapon and make a masterpiece of his life.

in the week between christmas and new years, rhett falls deeper in love with link every day. they spend hours together just kissing and smoking and talking, and by new year’s eve, they’ve confessed to each other that death is the one thing they’re afraid of and the one thing they can’t wait for. and this time, to celebrate 1990, rhett, his boy, and their friends wander times square, drunk and high off their asses, and he has never felt so alive. that is, until they come home and realize their apartments have been padlocked. such is life for them - they love and they love and they find joy in anything they can, and still, something comes along to knock them down. but rhett isn’t afraid. he’s got link by his side, and he’s ready to face anything.

well, that is until he learns link had a fling with gregg’s old roommate and their current landlord, benny. he knows it happened before they met, but something bugs him about it that he can’t shake. benny is, in every way, better than him. he’s more successful, rich, clean, and... not dying. it’s hard not to compare, and while it puts a strain between them, they push on like stubborn lovers do.

link is everything for rhett, he’s the light that guides him home and the ground beneath his feet. it’s not been very long, but they also don’t know how many days they’ll really have, so they take it for all they’ve got. and god, what a beautiful thing that is. not only are the kisses mind-blowing and every touch fire, but the sex is out of this world. rhett knows the dangers of sex, especially with men, and while they’re honest and open with each other about safety and protection, they’re still horny bastards in every sense. they fuck so good, so hot and wet and rough, that gregg sometimes doesn’t see rhett for days on end because he’s downstairs in link’s apartment, spending day after day wrecking link’s body and getting wrecked in return. it’s a give and take, push and pull, and everything is wonderful, albeit oftentimes tense.

when christy and jessie get engaged, link spends the majority of the reception in rhett’s lap, champagne in one hand, the other in his shaggy hair. he kisses him silly and pulls off for a moment to toast the happy couple, then goes back to shoving his tongue down rhett’s throat. and rhett, well... he doesn’t mind at all.

the next few months pass blissfully and... painfully. rhett and link, while completely smitten with each other, haven’t yet said i love you, and the nature of their sorry living situation has them struggling to pay rent and feeling good in their own skin. link also falls deeper into his addiction as time goes on, and rhett can’t bear to watch. he spends all day in his bed with his powder and his needle, and rarely do his eyes light up the way they used to. he begins to sweat and shiver even more than that first night, and rhett tries his best not to give in. he tells link that he’s there for him, but that he has to fight on his own as much as he can. rhett has felt everything link’s going through, but it doesn’t make it any easier. although link goes to rehab, withdrawal hits hard, and rhett often finds him curled up in a ball in the tub, skinnier than ever, damp with sweat and trembling. his pale skin goes paler, his deep-sunken eyes go darker, and he doesn’t glow like he used to. when he breaks his rehabilitation, rhett sometimes finds him in the alley with his old dealer, buying again with the few scraps of money he earns from the club. he can barely stand it, watching link kill himself like this, and it gets to the point that rhett will shake him, snatch the drugs from his hands himself and throw them in the street. one day, after link tries and fails to be better, after the fire that once bloomed between them fizzles under the weight of addiction, rhett leaves him and doesn’t look back.

rhett knows that he can’t live without link, but link can’t live without drugs, though they’re killing him more every day. it’s a situation he can’t stand to be in again, he can’t watch someone else he loves die, even if its inevitable. without link, he trudges on, feeling worse than he did before they’d even met. he and gregg fight too, over work, over passion, and rhett doesn’t think he can hurt any more. that is until he finds out link’s back with benjamin. then, as if he hasn’t suffered enough, angel dies.

angel. the only good one out of the seven of them. gone.

his funeral is on halloween, and everyone is forced to see each other again. christy and jessie, who broke up shortly after their engagement, awkwardly make eyes from the pews, and rhett tries desperately not to look at link and benny from his place beside gregg. all of them watch, quiet, as collins bids his lover goodbye, saying he will always cover him in one thousand kisses, in this life and the next.

as rhett trudges through the cemetery, remains of their broken family behind him, link steps up beside him and asks if it’s true that he sold his guitar and bought a car. “i’m leaving now for santa fe,” rhett says, ready to be gone, eager to live out angel’s last wish for him. this sparks a painful goodbye between all of them, one last fight between couples. christy and link accuse jessie and rhett of not committing, and rhett tells link he needs to learn to love himself before he can love anybody else. collins, heartbroken beyond belief, finally silences them.

“you’d all said you’d be cool today,” he says. “i can’t believe he’s gone.” he looks to rhett. “i can’t believe you’re going. i can’t believe this family must die. angel helped us believe in love. i can’t believe you disagree. i can’t believe this is goodbye.”

rhett takes a deep breath, so deep it hurts, and looks at link. his eyes are big and wet and sorry, and as rhett turns to leave him behind once again, he misses link’s quiet voice calling to him. goodbye, love.

santa fe is the change rhett needs, and he spends his days writing and playing music in a city that isn’t tinged by disease. all the same, he sees link everywhere - in the streets, in his bed, on the subway - beautiful and healthy, a blue flower in his hair to match his eyes. he misses him so much he can’t breathe, so he takes a train back as soon as he can, finishing his song messily in blue and black ink on the ride there.

when he returns, link has disappeared. he fell out of rehab and, according to benny, started using again. gregg, rhett, collins, jessie, and christy reconcile before putting fliers up around the city in search of their lost friend. no luck. soon, fall turns to winter, and the five of them know a skinny thing like link won’t be able to survive - it’s getting cold out there.

then it’s christmas again. rhett and gregg are back in their warehouse apartment, and the city resumes its bustling frenzy, gray graffiti streets and fires in metal tubs reminding the two of them of how it was just one year prior, when everything was different. collins arrives on time and asks gregg to throw down the key. the three of them celebrate with a quick drink, toasting to angel in heaven and better days ahead, when they hear jessie scream from the street. “gregg! rhett! somebody, anybody, help!”

it’s just a moment before the men are out on the balcony, looking down. someone is sandwiched between jessie and christy, limp and lifeless. rhett’s heart stops. link.

“we can’t get him up the stairs!”

everything is a blur of pain and hope and terror and pain again as they bring link home and lay him on the kitchen table with a blanket and pillow. he’s trembling and weak, coughing through pale, cracked lips. christy tells them they found him on the street, nearly frozen to death. rhett doesn’t know what to do but hover over him, willing his body heat to seep down and heal him. he hopes link can sense him.

“link...” he calls. “link, i’m here.”

“rhett?” he’s almost gone, but not yet. not yet.

rhett’s eyes are blurry with tears. “yes, baby, it’s me.”

“i should tell you...”

rhett pets his head and holds his face in his hands. “no, link, come on-”

“i love y...” but link drifts off, turning his face to cough. rhett has no time left. he has to say it now.

“who do you think you are?” he whispers. “leaving me alone with my guitar. hold on, there’s something you should hear. it isn’t much, but it took all year.”

with the last of link’s reality slipping away, rhett begins to sing. he sings the song he couldn’t find last christmas, the song only link could pull from him. as his muse lays dying, rhett struggles to get the long-awaited lyrics out.

your eyes, he sings. as we said our goodbyes. can’t get them out of my mind, and i find i can’t hide from your eyes. the ones that took me by surprise the night you came into my life. where there’s moonlight, i see your eyes. how’d i let you slip away, when i’m longing so to hold you? now i’d die for one more day, cuz there’s something i should have told you. yes, there’s something i should have told you. when i looked into your eyes - why does distance make us wise? you were the song all along. and before the song dies...

link goes limp.

i should tell you, i should tell you... i have always loved you.

rhett’s crying now.

you can see it in my eyes.

but link’s already gone. rhett picks him up and holds him to his chest, sobbing his name, his friends gathered around them. rhett rocks the body in his arms, then lays him back down gently. he turns away. if his heart was broken before, it’s nothing compared to this. this is hell.

in the moment rhett doesn’t look, the moment he never wished would come, link’s fingers twitch. he shifts on the table slowly, then coughs and sits up. he pushes the blanket off his legs as everyone rushes to his side. link blinks, soaked in sweat, and begins to speak. rhett, jessie, christy, gregg, and collins all hold their breath.

“i was headed towards this warm white light,” link whispers. “and i swear... angel was there. and she looked good.”

collins gives a watery laugh. link turns to rhett.

“and she said, ‘turn around, boyfriend, and listen to that boy’s song.’”

“you’re drenched,” rhett says, unsure what else he can possibly say in the face of a miracle.

they then kiss, confirmation that they’re human, they’re alive, and the rest of the gang follows suit. gregg, who had been working on a documentary in the year rhett hadn’t found his song, now switches the projector on and lets the colored light dance on the bare apartment walls. angel’s smiling face comes through, as if he’s there with them, and the six of them bless their lives over.

they live in ruins, on the cusp of death, and yet they still find love. the past year has cursed and saved them all at once, but they come out of it knowing exactly how to measure it. you measure a year not in days or months, nor daylight or sunsets or cups of coffee... no, you measure a year in love - 525,600 minutes of nothing but loving and fighting and loving again.

rhett knows that now. and with his friends and his boy at his hip, the days ahead don’t seem so bad.

@reedytenors @liinkstar bye

#rhink #headcanons #ficlet #rent au #tw: drug addiction #tw: suicide

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powerfultulips · 4 years ago

Note

gimme the aesthetic asks

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

hm.... i’m not sure, i used to do this a lot more often

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

will i ever recover, will i ever get better?

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

normally i’d say winning my school spelling bee, bc i am proud of that, but i’m so much more proud of getting engaged

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

memory foggy. my first date w @literally-an-envelope was one for the ages though

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

oh hell yeah i’d take a lot more risks, i’d try my hardest to meet all my friends in person before i died. i don’t know if this means i get invincibility for that full year, but if i was completely invincible.... holy shit

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

i don’t really have one, tbh

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

handsome, warm, soft, friendly, kind, sweet, funny, amazing, supportive, wonderful, lovely, stunning, perfect (pspspsps this is u älskling)

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

i guess so, i kinda wish it had been different though

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

not sure. but it was probably with my fiancé

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

my boyed friend, because i love him so much.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

yeah, i guess so.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

like. last night with my fiancé

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

“I love you so fucking much; you mean the world to me; please tell all my friends how much I love them; I hope you have a long and happy life.” to my fiancé

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

theyre cute!

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

shrugs

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

“pspspspspsps”

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

uhhhhh thats a lot of money.... id make sure me and all my loved ones could live a comfortable, happy life, and then i would probably donate the rest, maybe trying to help other people live the same way. be one of those people that just slamdunks a gofundme to 100%

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

i think so, and yeah

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

hey. you’re gonna have a weird ten years ahead of you, and i’m so happy to be able to talk to you finally. hey, while i’ve got your attention, maybe do some research on the LGBTQ community. you might be surprised what you find out. don’t be afraid to be yourself, and also, you should totally go get your ears pierced or something. it’d look super cute on you :) also, college is still a few years away, but don’t be afraid to expand your horizons. you’re gonna end up studying creative writing anyways. i love you so very much, kiddo.

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

punk punk punk punk!!!!!

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

love them. love to have a bunch of them someday. they’re really fuckin cool and honestly kinda hot??

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

no, i never have. probably because i’m amab, and never really had the opportunity to try.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

definitely the band good morning, love those boys

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

trans rights

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

mac miller - was cool to see him, but the friend i went with isn’t in my life anymore

ajr - very cool and epic

panic! at the disco - kinda cringe ngl. still fun tho

meach pango/ting tang tina - never gonna forget this night

good morning - hell yeah babey best band in the world

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

i would love to get a letter from any of my friends tbh, just something sweet and heartfelt

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

i do have a desk, it’s a bit messy, but there is some room to work with.

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

usually just consists of taking my allergy meds, popping a chocolate to wash out the taste, then brushing my teeth, going to the bathroom, and falling the fuck asleep. sometimes i shower in there, too

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

i definitely don’t want them to know that i smoke

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

i’d probably try a cool color, like blue or green

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

i’d take älskling, and my friends riley, pop, ellie, and mars. and we would drive all over the place, just so we could spend more time together. maybe tour each other’s hometowns. probably lots of hugs and cuddles

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

i wish my boyfriend was in my arms, i wish he lived with me, and i wish i had a more feminine body. because i miss my lover, and i’m very dysphoric

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

i think the best one was my phineas costume, when i was like 11

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

threw my fucking phone out a window

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

hurt anyone i love

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

one song, because i couldn’t deprive myself of seeing all my friends.

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

hell yeah. it feels so amazing, like you’re on another plane of existence.

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

i would rock both, fuck gender

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

i usually get a chai latte, i think. i’d trust my baby to order for me

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

can i say the love of my life

#asks #hehehehe a lot of these are gay

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