#my god people are going to be so sick - literally- four years from now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

noacfapologyst · 11 months ago

Text

birthday wish - matty healy

(the birthday party; day one)

summary: matty, as his very best, has one of the best birthdays of his life and receives one of the warmest surprises he has ever had, with all the people he loves.

warnings: flufly stuff, sickness mentions. nothing more than this, is tender as well.

a/n: thank to @abiiors and @the1975attheirverybest for organize this incredible project! both are such an angels. the dates do not coincide in reality, so do not expect truthfulness in it, 'cause the tour continues in this universe and there are no haircuts, and also the english is not my first language.

wordcounter: 5,1k

Matty wants you to be with him at the exact time when the clock strikes midnight. It doesn't matter if you're an ocean away, just wait to hear you sing her happy birthday.

He knows that even if he wants you to, you can't come out the door. This shouldn't make him sad because it's something he's been facing for years.

You work for the UK's most influential finance company, and while the insistence on doing the work outside has been almost unbearable, Matty knows that you love being in your office or doing the work in the house where you both live together. God, that sounds good.

Officially he's a year older, and without wanting to touch sentimentality, he just feels tired when he rests his head on the white pillow in the hotel room. He doesn't look at his phone screen for a long time, just think about how you're going through the flu that kept you from coming with him to New York.

In the meantime, you have other plans that doesn't involve fever, soup, and phlegm.

You look at your phone screen, you know it's past 12 in New York, so Matty is oficially 35 years old.

It's four in the morning in England, and once again you confirm how much you hate such an abysmal difference in schedules. You could call him now and tell him you still have the flu, but he'd end up figuring out the trick.

Maybe when it's six o'clock in the morning you can greet him with more credibility.

For now, you finish arranging the house and the final touches before taking the suitcase as you sigh out of the house.

"Honeeeeeeeeey" Matty literally jumps into bed making them both jump. You rub your forehead and he gives you an innocent smile. It's not an argument at all, but he's gone dumb. "Come on, fly with me to York.

"Matty, I can't." You straighten up on the mattress, giving it room to rest its head on your trunk. "I would love to go, but it's impossible." You wrap your fingers around her hair and massage it into circles. You hear him purr like he's been waiting for him all day. "I have a lot of work, we have like fifty new clients or something like that. I can't apart myself from the company, i really sorry."

"I'm not saying you get apart, you still can work through your computer." He turns to see you with a pretty sad look in his features. "I don't want to be annoying, it's just…it will be my birthday. The first with you as my girlfriend."

"Hey, i can't even say how much i'm sorry, but i really do." You grab his right hand and squeeze his, on your way to kiss his head a desperate fit of coughing interrupts you. "Shit, I'm ill."

It doesn't sound so convincing, but if all goes well, an idea begins to form in your head that might consecrate you as bride of the year.

"But hey, babe, I'm going to reward you when you return. I promise." You see him unravel at your touch, watching him as he indulges in sleep. While he is awake closing his eyes, you whisper into his ear. "You're going to have an incredible birthday, Matty."

- - -

Even though spring has been running through London for over a month, the dawn suddenly turns cold. Not only because you got sick in the course of two days, (even if you did it on purpose and forced yourself to sneeze around the corners), but also because everything feels a little tense in your room. Matty's not mad, obviously he knows he can't get you out of the country in the middle of a flu outbreak let alone by force, but he's pretty sad about getting used to the idea of spending his birthday away from you. It's satirical to him, they've officially been together for nine months, but you've spent more birthdays near him than it looks. By chance or fate, they were always in the same bars or pubs where they celebrated their years of life.

What's ironic, too, is that they met after a financial argument. It was 2017, you were relatively new to the company and Dirty Hit needed a safe backing, betting on the company you still work for. At first there were no complaints, until a money leak was triggered and backing the company you basically went to the studio to talk to Jamie in pretty strong terms.

In the end, there were no dead to bury, everything worked out. What you did bury was your washing soap shirt, thanks to Matty literally spilled his coffee machine on you when you were about to leave. It wasn't a good day for anyone, your folders just fell off and picking them up you bumped into Matty, in a semi-sleeping state with coffee running over your skin and a cheap apology as he opened his eyes surprised enough. Then it just happened for some reason, they both found fun in the same places. It was too many years of seeing each other at nightclubs maybe four times a year, saying hello from afar and going on, until a year and a few months ago they needed an insurance upgrade, which gave you another visit to Dirty Hit, no spilled coffee this time.

Matty asked for your number, then he bought you a drink, and here they are, saying goodbye to each other.

"Hey listen, call my mom if you feel bad or if you need something. At least promise me this." Kiss your head as they both walk towards the front door, you wrapped in a blanket and him between bags and suitcases.

"I'll do." You reassure him with a broad smile. "Stay safe, love you."

"See you soon, love." You and him kiss quickly as he presses his thumb on your cheek. "Love you, too."

"Matty."

"¿Yes"

"You're forgetting something, dude." You unlock your chain with a small white stone hanging, to lock it around her neck later. "Now it's okay." You steal a hug and when they finally part, the taxi comes to the door. "Bye."

"Bye." He greets you with hishand and throws the first accessory he has at hand, his bracelet.

You hate to say goodbye to him when he goes to the airport, and even though you'll see him in two days, you still hate him. You're so used to waking up with him, having its scent all over the house, that when that bubble disappears, you hate what it's created at some point. It hasn't been five minutes and you miss him like you haven't seen him in months.

You squeeze his bracelet. It's their little tradition. Every time one goes on a journey, both exchange accessories in a way to show the other that they are still there even at a distance. You don't remember when it started, but you like the sentimentality of the issue.

Now, of course Matty's right: you'll call Denise. You already have, actually. She's aware of all the deception and she's the one who's most excited about it. He talked to Tom and Louis while you talked to Adam, because he's the least likely to reveal it to your boyfriend. It's not that you don't trust others, it's just that he's wiser for this.

- - -

You touch your head down because actually if you feel sick, maybe you've been too extreme, but you hope it's worth it. Denise calls on your portal with the car horn pulling you out of the trance, you get in the car and when you want to say something else you just fall asleep in the backseat.

Half an hour later, she wakes you up gently rocking you. She's so much like Matty you could cry, you love everything her family is and how you've been treated from the first day you walked through that door. Even if she's your mother-in-law, they get along incredibly well considering how fast they've connected.

"Are you sure about this?" She asks, handing over the car keys and lowering the suitcases from the trunk. "I mean, you look really tired."

"I know, I know. I spend the day thinking if i had everything, and thinking about the gift, and trying to organize the things with Adam, meanwhile i tried to not being colapsed by the numbers." The two laugh, she looks at you with a more relaxed expression and just lets her walls fall down.

"Matty is so lucky to have you." She murmurs with bright eyes and genuine happiness. "I don't know if I've ever met someone capable of getting sick just for surpise his boyfriend in his birthday…on the other side of the world." You think she's about to get emocional when her eyes start stinging, and she notices it. "I get a bit emotional but you know, my son is growing up next to someone who truly loves him, and as a mother you don't know how important it is to know that."

Well, now you'll cry.

"Oh god, I love you Denise." You drop your bags and embrace her with the greatest affection you've ever had. "I'll might cry."

She laughs tenderly. "Keep the tears for the show, darling."

----

The belief that it would be a seven-hour flight (plus the check-in hours, obviously) that would be somewhat exhausting and that it would take time to pass becomes part lie and part truth. You actually have a lot of fun with Denise telling you anecdotes of her life in the span of waiting time to board, you can't lie, but then on the plane you start to get bored after a few hours: you've seen a movie, you've slept, you've saturated your Spotify and you only think about how Matty will be. You feel guilty about the birthday message because you know he'll be worried thinking that something is up, but later you'll ask for forgiveness.

Happy birthdayy Matty. I love you so much, i hope you ́ll always be happy.

This is too short, but i feel totally sick. I'll send you a large text later.

Matty tosses and turns in bed heavily after waking up with that message as his first course. He sighs as he goes to the bathroom, looks at himself in the mirror running a hand through his hair. It feels terrible.

Well, you haven't forgotten his birthday, but he feels that you have. Maybe it's not that.

He knows you don't like him smoking too much, but you're not here and it's the only thing keeping him sane so he doesn't yell at you if he's done something wrong. He opens the window and collapses on the balcony floor, a cigarette between his lips. He exhales, he can't believe he's spending the time like that on his birthday.

He feels like he has a dagger stuck somewhere in his body, he feels tense and knows he's not in the bliss mode that someone should have on their birthday. But God, he hates to blame himself and blame you for things.

You've been weird for days, and yes, maybe you're sick, but in the months you´ve been with him you've never been this weird. Overthinking things isn't something he likes or does too much, but now he's debating whether something has happened and you don't want to tell him. He exhales again and relapses into the state of his cuticles, but as a cumpulsive reflex he bites them. Has he done something wrong? Has he crossed any limits? Did you get angry about something he didn't do? Did he forgot your birthday? No, he hasn't forgotten that.

Trata de no permitirse pensar en la pregunta más dolorosa para él: ¿Hay alguien más? ¿Estás cansado de él y de su vida de poca estabilidad? Bueno, en cualquier caso te merecerías algo mejor.

Adam knocks on the door as an answer to problems. He knows he has to take care of him until you make your appearance, but everyone is aware that he may not be in his best mood.

"Hey, birthday boy, how did you wake up?" When Matty opens the door, he hugs him and Adam knows his best friend needs him. "Matty, tell me."

"It's just…No, it's a silly thing." He regrets it fluttering his eyes, but collapses on the bed tiredly. "I'm tired, that's all."

"No, it's not. Something is affecting you, so definitely there is something more than being tired. You dońt have to fake it with me, you know." Adam knows the reason why he is like this, and although he wants to tell him that she's really on her way, he can't.

"It's her, Adam. She ́s been in a distant mode for days, acting strange." He shrugs, Adam sits on the other end of the mattress, sinking it. "Her greeting was a bit cold, or too generic. It's not typycal for her.

Adam feels really bad lying to his friend, he feels like a traitor, and he really struggles to find the right words. "Didn't you tell me she was sick?" He asks, and Matty sighs, nodding. "Should be this."

"yes, but.."

"Listen to me, really." Adam cuts him off and thinks about how much he can take this like this, he can't allow his partner to collapse before the show, much less the surprise. "She loves you, i d on't know the reason for his behavior and I would love to know so I can tell you, but unfortunately I don't know." Guilty, liar. "Despite that, you just turned 35, it's too early for the midlife crisis for a congratulation. The day is not over yet

Matty slurps as he swallows without the strength to continue the conversation, not in this tone at least. He doesn't have any argument to play in his favor and that makes him a little angry.

"You have a birthday show tonight, it will be nice."

- - -

Madison Square Garden will never cease to amaze you and seem practically huge. You do not manage to make the connection between the measures of the venue, it seems much bigger than it is. You have entered more than once, both as a spectator of shows or as you are now, as an accompanist of the band that presents on the day, and still it leaves you breathless how massive it is. Not in your best dreams would you imagine having the chance to tour it.

But, what makes you more sensitive is to hear so many people divided into the branches and sections of the seats and the standing field cheering, shouting and even crying with a euphoric amount of adrenaline in the body by the celestial and pink lights that illuminate the stage, decorated in its scenography representing a house with all the rooms. It's still hard for you to believe that you're dating the lead singer of a band that has mobilized so many people around the world for years. They have come to see the four of them, they have come to hear what is the story they have to tell and to show them their affection and loyalty as they identify themselves in tears in the four chords of their best songs.

In a way you think that's everything a singer expects, and that by the same token, it's the most sincere reason for the fans in front of Matty's birthday. Because even though you don't spend too much time on the floor, you manage to see posters related to her birthday.

The whole Healy family, followed by you, take refuge in George and Adam's dressing rooms, because even if you came out of a cake in Matty's dressing room when the delivery changes, you'd lose the idea you planned. Now, you just hope Matty doesn't find it weird enough that they switched The Birthday Party to Act 3, and Guys is almost after. I wouldn't have to do that, in fact, since it's a pretty emotional and pretty setlist to play on your birthday.

When Matty's nightmare act ends and he descends from the second stage you try to make as little noise as possible next to his dressing room, mainly because you're going to scare him. The one you're scaring is George, but he's covering it up by saying there was a spider in his dressing room. Then with a thumb sign him shows that everything is ready for the next step. When the act of Still at their very best (the last of the show) begins with If you ́re too shy, you get ready, two songs later you have to get the whole audience to see you, but not Matty.

Then, It ́s not living reaches the middle with a consecrated closure between the drums and the guitar. Cheers fill the place. The action then begins when all the screens change focus and signs appear saying that, in front of the people you will see now, keep quiet because it is a surprise for both Matty and the fans. There are confused looks, intertwined, nobody understands anything but they keep singing so as not to show that the screens have changed again.

The crowd wants to go crazy, and some screams escape when it's you who's seen go behind the scenes. For the sake of greater care, you go behind George's drums and ask everyone with your fingers to be silent on the subject. You sit behind the biggest drum and you see it over your head.

There he is, dressed up in his black pants, his white shirt and previously the suit jacket with the pants. His tie's almost untied, and it makes you laugh, you don't think he knows he tied it wrong. The curls fall in front of him out of control due to tiredness and sweat, but you think he's never looked better in years.

"Thanks for coming to see the greatest band in the world, the 1975!" The sticks resonate on the drum, the play of grey lights makes everything a little psychedelic. The crowd bursts into cheers without differentiating the why. "And today it's my birthday, so thank you for coming here. I love you guys."

There's a mixture of exasperated emotions all over the compound. Even you have glassy eyes to see him smile in such a pure way, his place has always been and always will be the stage in front of the fans, when he is freer than ever and where he feels comfortable. This particular show is not just important because of this event, but because in fact, it's the end of the tour. It's emotionally sad, the melancholy is reciprocal in the stadium because nobody knows when there will be a new tour of them.

"Yeah, I know, this is sad. It ́s ironic that my birthday will be the last show of the tour." He grins and laughs showing his teeth to the audience. "But, thanks for being here, is my biggest gift."

So, Matty freaks out when he hears a noise behind him.

"And it's not over yet, friend of mine." Absolutely everyone is surprised to hear George through the microphone resonating in the stadium, Matty doesn't understand what's going on either. "Ladies and gentleman, please everybody look at the screen."

What happens next is the best and the worst that Matty has had in front of him, cataloging it as the worst because when pictures of him appear when he was little with his mother and father, playing guitar or just being a kid, it makes him wiggle and feel like he could really die right there from the excitement. Without looking away, dazzled and uncertain but motivated to keep seeing him, he sits on the edge of the stage.

The atmosphere is automatically warm, but even the noise does not break it. The screen now changes, and begins with a greeting from George, pointing to a picture of when they were 13, how they have grown up so far and how you can't imagine a life without him, then closes Charly telling how much she enjoys talking to him, and how much fun he is in any situation. Then comes Adam, along with Carly, telling how he is the youngest of the group, but how important he is for both of them in their lives. Finally there is Ross, who talks about how fortunate he is to have him as a friend, how proud he is of everything he has accomplished and how much he appreciates his friendship.

Screen in black. Matty takes care of the tears because he suspects it doesn't end there, but his eyes turn to candy, all his factions calm down and he refrains from leaping into the arms of his friends.

You can't tell how many, but suddenly fans appear in the video, talking about how they've saved their lives through the band, the refuge it's for them and how much the band has done in terms of connecting them with their closest friends, and giving them a reason to keep fighting. Everyone laughs when they hear the reactions of the fans appearing in the video, realizing it.

Now yes, everything seems to indicate that it's over. Matty tries to stand up, but something stops him.

Her mother. On the screen.

Satirically, her greeting begins by asking if she thought they had forgotten about her, but without giving any room to react, Louis and Tom appear on the screen, their entire family in one place.

Really, Matty feels like the luckiest person in the world to have so much affection around him, he doesn't know if he deserves it, but he accepts it and feels like the feeling of familiarity and brotherhood envelops his body as his brother and his parents talk about how he's changed everyone's lives, the support he's been in his brother's life, and how the little boy who played the guitar off-tune at four o'clock in the afternoon has become a man made and upright, able to love and defend his people, with a exemplary talent.

Matty blinks, doesn't know how to go on now. He simply knows that he cannot ask for anything else for his life, he is loved by those he loves, and is reciprocated.

The screen lights up for the last time. You and Mayhem.

You look the at George, who cries just like you. He notices your gaze but responds only with a quick smile.

"Hey, honey, this will be short because I hope you know how happy I am to have you in my life." Matty stops controlling the tears, bathes in them, his shirt is full of water right now. So he remembers your message today, and he knows that you were behind all this, no one else would have done it this way otherwise. He sees his dog move his front legs and really misses him: "Happy birthday, I love you more than my words can prove. Thank you for being the most amazing, sweetest human being I've ever met. You're an angel and I love to agree with you." The greeting ends when you send a kiss to the camera, followed by Mayhem's osico in the foreground with a heart, with an M drawn.

The legend of The End stands on top. Everyone has cried, the makeup has gone off but this is the most intimate thing that everyone has experienced today. Everybody's grateful for coming to celebrate Matty.

"Could you please close your eyes?" Adam asks, and Matty is not the one who could say no.

Matty continues sitting, not moving. He can't process everything his head is telling him miles per second. He knows that he can't speak well enough after crying and will only say silly phrases, But it has to. Ross comes to his rescue and has a hand to lift him up. They hug with Matty crying on his shoulder while continuing to repeat that she loves him. Ross pats him on the back and points to Adam on the microphone.

He smells something as smoke, and he's right. Behind the scenes of the three entrances appear his mother, his father and Louis beside him with a rectangular cake with porcelain figures of the little house, and the four figures of the band, with a 35 as a candle.

Ross lets Matty go, and when the distance is unbearable, you're the one who runs to grab his hands when everyone screams to open his eyes. He opens them and finds you embraced to his body more tightly than ever. By inertia, he tightens the grip on your waist without ceasing to hug you. Now neither of us knows who to blame for the water running down the Briton's white shirt.

"I love you. I love you. I love you." You whisper incessantly, as he stabilizes in front of you, trying to get out of the surprise and accepting that you're actually in front of him, it's not a dream, he looks at the cake and cries again. He watches the audience feeling their heart pouring out into their hands. "Happy everything, my love."

He pulls you away from the grip when the birthday song rings out and has the cake in front of him without realizing it, but holds your hand in his fist. He coins it, and he protects it inside him. His smile is sadly short, but he has never had a greater look of genuine love on him than now. His wet eyelids, his face full of dry tears and his eyes glowing like never before. All thanks to you. He looks back at the cake and makes a face of utter surprise when he sees his figure made of porcelain sitting on the piano.

"Hey, that's me!" He's chirping like he's a kid who just ate a paddle he's seen in the store. Its essence is discovered there, that immeasurable happiness that creeps through all present.

He couldn't even think about how much he loves you because everything happens too fast, but he knows that after this he could never leave you. He doesn't know it yet, but this is the moment when Matty would close everything else. After this he would decide that you would be the woman of his life, that he would marry you and that they would have a family. You just kind of signed a sentence saying that he would never let anything happen to you and that if he had to lay down his life for you, he would.

George, Adam and Ross approach Matty as well, along with Polly, John and the rest of the band, all standing in a semicircle in front of the stage. The fire lights up Matty's face who has refused to block the touch of you two. You literally have to whisper his name in his face with a silly smile so he'll let you go and be the only one in the middle of the round.

The flashes of the phones illuminate the scene, there is the same chorus symphony composed of dozens of voices that work at the same time without prior coordination. No, it's not a movie and it's not a dream that someone's going to wake up from, it's really happening.

The fire dissipates, again the sound of clashing palms comforts the place. Denise leaves the cake on the piano and hurls herself at her son. She loves him so much, and is so happy that he can be really happy being who he is. The sequence is quite fast, his family hugs him, then the four hug and the difference in height is noticeable between the four males. Then goes Polly, Jhon and everyone else who's there. The show is delayed for the same reason, but nobody really cares about sacrificing a song to be part of this moment.

He opens his arms towards you and makes you fly through the air for a second before giving you his best Chesire Cat smile. Seize the moment to steal a quick kiss leaving behind the expanse of euphoria that surrounds them. For Matty there really is nothing else right now than him and you on the whole ethereal plane he's met at the age of 35. Fans disappear, the band and their parents too, as long as it merges into you in touch can only feel how they function the same way, being really a single soul trapped between two bodies. God, he's lovesick of the love he has for you, and he could throw it up right now, but surely all he could do is throw up his heart.

The contact ends, and finally he approaches the microphone.

"I really have the greatest persons and the greatest fans in the world. I ́m incredibly glad about it." He runs his hand through his hair and laughs, shedding his last tears. "Saying thanks it wouln ́t be enough, and I could never finish thanking you for all this, but i love each and every one of you, honestly."

Matty grabs his acoustic guitar almost the second he says that. The chords of The birthday party are heard. Everything is extremely special about this song and it is something narrow and deep, there is a truth to count on the song at this moment so charged with sentimentality.

Matty has spent years of his lost life without having a reason to keep him going, floating around while surviving, or trying to. He has come and gone as far as anyone could imagine, has suffered perhaps too much to expose his vulnerability. Indeed, he felt lost in hell during the most unbearably difficult years of his life. He's driven so many people away by his personality and by neglecting so many ties, but now he knows.

He has alienated so many people by his personality and by neglecting so many ties, but now he knows that although he may be late for some, he has enough with him. All your friends are here, in the same scene, no matter what that means.

The following of Guys in a much calmer tone makes everyone end up crying, their most personal song as a band. Matty feels the same as before, his friends have been the best thing that's ever happened to him, and they've saved his life thousands and thousands of times. He could not get used to the idea of lose them, because he would crumble without them in his life.

Just like he would do without you.

In the end, Matty makes fun of himself for being so bitter all day. He really had the best birthday of his entire life.

in my head this is a tender idea of how much I would give way to see matty happy, so I hope that was achieved. also, happy birthday weekend matty you are the best.

let me know what you think, also let me know if you want to be on my tag list <3

#matty healy #matty the 1975 #the 1975 #1975 band #matty healy fic #matty healy fanfiction #matty healy x reader #matty healy x you #matty healy fluff #matty35 #matty healy x y/n #matty healy x oc #birthday matty #i might cry

80 notes · View notes

makethatelevenrings · 2 years ago

Text

Angel By the Wing - Twenty Eight

chapter warnings: pregnancy, alcohol (it's a bar so)

Series Masterlist (Mobile Masterlist)

Despite the fact that this had never been your plan, that you were pregnant and couldn’t even drink, and you were bone tired, the Hard Deck seemed to be your happy place. The dark wood stained with rings from years of cold beer bottles enveloped you the moment you walked in. The walls were lined with memorabilia and photos of patrons, both civilians and servicemembers. Penny bought this place from a couple who opened it back in the 80s. The classic old bar feel was attributed to the fact that it truly was a classic old bar. The jukebox had been replaced so it could still play, but the music was usually rock from the past few decades.

There was something about this place that made you feel alive. You loved it here.

“How are you feeling?” Chelsea asked once you slid behind the bar to help her with the day’s prep.

“I am fine. Baby is fine. The boys literally pouted this morning when they realized they weren’t going to be able to come with me to the doctor,” you recounted. The bar had just opened at four and only a few customers were here. They were the typical crowd who wanted the bar experience but didn’t want to be here when it was a raucous mess.

A few orders for burgers and some appetizers were being worked on in the kitchen, so that left you to help Chelsea fix up the bar and take inventory of what bottles you had for the night.

“Oh, how far along are you?” A soft voice interrupted your counting. You looked up to find a woman seated at the bar. She was older, around Penny’s age, with a soft, plump face and bright green eyes. You offered her a polite smile, figuring she had just stopped off the plane considering she had a suitcase leaning up against her.

“Almost ten weeks.”

Her nose wrinkled up and she let out a hiss between her teeth. “First trimester is the worst, in my opinion. The nausea is always brutal.”

“Oh, my morning sickness hasn’t been too bad. It’s the fatigue that gets me.”

She nodded. “It’s as if the more you sleep, the more tired you are.”

“So it’s not just me? Thank god, it feels like I’m being drained of all energy.”

She laughed and shook her head. “No, it’s common. So this is your first?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Your smile softened at the thought of the ultrasound photo pinned to the fridge in your apartment. You don’t know when it shifted from “Jake’s place” to your place. From Bradley’s inability to put his shoes away to Jake’s propensity to strip off his sweaty workout clothes the second he walked in the front door to your collection of random pens ending up strewn across any and all surfaces in the house. The townhome with its two bedrooms, one for the three of you packed in tightly in the king sized bed and one that was a guest room for now but the soft whispers in the morning about what color should you paint the walls for the nursery was changing things.

“You must be very excited,” she continued.

“And nervous. Can I get you anything to drink? Eat?”

“A Long Island ice tea would be fantastic.”

Quick and simple. You placed the drink in front of her on top of a napkin and smiled. “What brings you to San Diego?”

She took a sip from her drink and waved her hand in the air. “Oh, you don’t need to listen to my life story. I’m sure you have to do this all night.”

Maybe so, but she was a lot nicer and more sober than your usual customers who slurred through sobbing tales about cheating exes and shitty bosses. You shrugged and grabbed a clean rag to work on wiping down the counter.

“If I didn’t want to hear about people’s lives, I would become an accountant or something.” Your smile grew. “So if you don’t tell me, I’m just going to have to come up with ideas. You’re a billionaire boss lady in town for a huge investment meeting. You’re a CIA agent who is trying to get information out of me, but I gotta warn you that I don’t know anything of importance. Or maybe you’re a travel blogger on the hunt for the best beaches in the world.”

She chuckled and shook her head. “No, no. Nothing like that. I’m just here to visit family.”

“And your first stop was a bar? Jeez, is your family that bad?”

Her smile fell slightly and you paused in your cleaning. “No. My son is amazing. Both of my kids are the absolute fucking light of my life. But I don’t know if this will be a happy trip.”

“Why’s that?”

She considered you for a moment, her head tilting to the side in a way that reminded you of Jake in the morning when he woke up too early and couldn’t process any words you said. Her lips curved up into a soft smile and she sighed.

“I’m not drunk enough yet for that conversation. Tell me about you. How are you feeling about becoming a mom?”

The words spilled out of you before you could stop them. You were a mixture of fear and elation, but you were starting to truly believe in this little family you had created. Two men saw the flaws in you and pushed past them. Penny and Sarah were the mothers you had craved your whole life. Natasha, Sofia, and Amelia were your sisters that you always dreamed of having.

Your cheeks ached from the smile that clung to your lips and you brightened as the door opened. Waving in greeting, Natasha and Sofia made their entrance and then went to claim their usual table. Their presence meant that the rest of the Dagger Squad would be on their way. Thanks to Sofia working as a medical receptionist on base, the couple carpooled to work and back.

“Give me one sec,” you told your faithful listener and turned to grab a beer for Natasha and a mojito for Sofia. You were finishing off the garnish on the mojito when two arms wrapped around your middle. Lips peppered your cheeks and the rough, scratchy beard immediately clued you into who it was.

“Hey, you two are not supposed to be behind the bar!” you chided. Bradley ignored your protests and instead buried his face against your neck. You sighed and shuffled yourself around so you could see the infamous Jake Seresin smirk.

“What is wrong with him?” you deadpanned.

“Sorry for missing you, darlin’. How’s you and baby doing?” The stitches on your arm stung when you pulled your arm to the side, but everything else was perfectly fine. When you told them as such, the relief on their faces was instant.

“C’mere, Tex,” you hummed. He settled his hands on your waist and bent his head down to lay a kiss on Bradley��s curls and then to your lips. You stopped him before he could deepen the kiss and shook your head with a laugh.

“Grab some beers, take these over to the others, and shoo. Go. Let me do my job.”

“Can you blame us for wanting to be with our girls all the time?” Bradley teased but he untangled himself from you. You rolled your eyes but the smile never left your face.

Until Jake turned around and met the eyes of the woman you spent the better part of an hour chatting with. He stilled and nearly dropped the beer he was holding if you hadn’t reached out and grabbed it.

“Mom?” Jake blurted out.

Tag List:

@mizzzpink@xoxabs88xox@dreaminglandsworld@khaylin27@loveforaugust@phoenixssugarbaby@atarmychick007@mak-32@itsmytimetoodream@krismdavis@emma8895eb@startrekfangirl@hangmandruigandmav@lunamoonbby@startrekfangirl2233@sihtricswife@jstarr86@drakelover78@abaker74@emma8895eb

#hangster x reader #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin imagine #bradley bradsaw x reader #bradley bradshaw imagine #abtw #rooster x hangman x reader #bradley bradshaw x reader x jake seresin

180 notes · View notes

thekingofthenameless · 4 months ago

Text

I HAVE 1,000 FOLLOWERS!!! Thank you guys so much 🥺

First banner is made by @honeyxmonkey :D

Second one is made by ✨yours truly✨

To celebrate, I’m going to do a Q&A about TKN! (TKN is an abbreviation for my original work, The King of the Nameless.) It isn’t fanfiction, lol. Please don’t call it a fic.

I’ve been writing for four years, give or take? Before TKN, I was writing a fanfiction based on Tales of Arcadia, and it kept straying further away from canon, especially in regards to Merlin and Charlie. I had trouble actually completing a chapter, making drafts again and again until I took an unintentional hiatus after getting a ton of burnout.

I finally came back in January of this year, and while I’d actually had the idea of making the formerly titled Emerald Embers an original story for a while, this time it wouldn’t let go. It took about three days before I said “screw it” and started revamping everything.

And then I had trouble completing anything for this too 😭. I finally just decided to do some of this year’s writing events and not worry about continuity for now: Flufftober and Angstober! I also have a draft for Whumptober eventually lol.

My Ao3!

Sorry if this seems like meaningless blather to some of y’all, but I’m sick of somehow still being known for ToA, and by extent, Emerald Embers. ToA, I don’t mind as much, because I do still like the series and reblog content occasionally. But with Emerald Embers, I do. I was fifteen years old when I started that, and it’s been discontinued for about nine months. I had two ToA related likes yesterday, and one of them was for Emerald Embers, and I don’t know how y’all keep finding it but I do not want to be known for that. I meant to keep it up as an archive, but I’m getting annoyed with the people who somehow find EE content, and then only like that and nothing else… at least most people know TKN isn’t a ToA fanfiction now?

Anyways, the two main characters:

Merlin Caledonensis Ambrosius. Black trans aroace icon. Would probably look good in anything and has endless drip in his regular outfit. A highly empathetic, dignified, mellow, and smart person who struggles with schizophrenia, psychosis (as a result of his schizophrenia), anxiety, C-PTSD, and misophonia, but is still kind because he doesn’t want others to suffer what he’s been through. Secretly the God of Magic walking among mortals. Raised a literal dragon.

Charlemagne William Ambrosius. Giant dragon. Serious, brave, protective (of Merlin), compassionate (towards Merlin), as well as fierce but loving and loyal, who sometimes takes a little bit longer to care about people due to personality differences. Will readily state his opinions and start arguments without caring. Has no qualms about staring people down while gauging their personality and threat level. Was at first completely normal but is now Fucked Up too.

And here’s the (current) blurb describing TKN! Idk if it’ll fit eventually lol

The King of the Nameless is an adaptation of Arthurian Legend, except… it takes place in an entirely fantasy world. Wizards, demons, dragons, mermaids, and spirits are just five of the magical creatures that inhabit Galdorcræft. Alongside magic being everywhere, corruption runs just as deep in the country of Avalon. Seaside towns that imported benign items like silk are now infamous for attracting contract killers and magic hunters. The idea of murdering magical creatures for their body parts, as well being a falsely presumed threat to humanity, is slowly becoming more widespread through rumors of what their magic can do to heal and harm, no matter how much Merlin Ambrosius tries to stop it. He’s a wizard himself, of course. Everybody knows that. What they don’t know is that he’s hiding a lot of secrets: being the God of Magic and Justice, being born a girl, and trying to cope with madness that makes it difficult to tell falsehoods from reality, for one thing. However, he has his dragon familiar and found family, Charlemagne Ambrosius, to keep him grounded and understand him when no one else will. Unbeknownst to them, the very heart of corruption is in Camelot itself. Uther Pendragon has just become king after his father’s death, and he’s been waiting for this. Maybe now that he’s ruling, he can finally kill Merlin and rid himself of the rebellious, soft, mad advisor. With the most powerful wizard in the land dead, then no one will be able to stop him from killing the monsters that plague it.

Art dump of Merlin and Charlie! You can see how much they’ve both changed from their original designs (first images for both) lol.

Rules for the Q&A:

In order to participate, you don’t have to be following me! Just send an ask about TKN with whatever question you have! Anon is turned on :) If y’all want to ask about how their designs changed so much and stuff… 👀

I might do this for.. a month? Idk it depends on how long people have questions lol, but again, I still feel like a lot of people still know me for ToA 😭

Artist credits: Soberana Art (on Artstation), @cat-gh0ul, NaldThal (on Ko-Fi), @heropaws, @gaylightisminetocommand, @biposi, @honeyxmonkey, @azurewildflight, @theeio

Links to their individual posts, if applicable: Current Merlin, Original Charlie, Birthday gift, Forest, Cuddles, Sploot, Meadow, Embrace

Taglist: @gaylightisminetocommand, @the-arson-author-gamer, @honeyxmonkey, @danhengsbestie

Also before I answer any other questions I’ll answer @thecomfywriter’s first, since she sent me a dm asking about TKN ages ago and then I forgot to complete a post 😭 It's still sitting around somewhere and I'm so sorry

If you'd like to be on the TKN taglist, just let me know! You can dm me, reply to this, or shoot me an ask. I'm also on Discord as the same username if you want to chat about TKN, get my rambling before you see me make a post, brainstorm with me, etc :)

And I have a TKN server, actually! I should really just. Revamp it idk I have forgotten to keep it updated with my Tumblr and Ao3 content

#yelling #hmm i think i want a new ramble tag but idk what to use lol. i’ll take suggestions!#1000 followers #the king of the nameless #tkn art #tkn art dumps #my ocs #merlin ambrosius #tkn merlin #charlemagne ambrosius #otp: i am not leaving you. i am never leaving you.#long posts

13 notes · View notes

genericpuff · 1 year ago

Note

so, i'd been stalking your blog in silence for the past few days/weeks because i used to be a huge fan of LO (i paid patron, was on the discord, own merch and a volume, spent money on fast past for over FOUR years). but as it happened to most fans, i got frustrated and gave up fastpass, and for a while i was trying to stay away from LO critiques because it just made me mad to realize something that was a comfort thing for me was bad all along (and i didn't wanna go full blown anti-LO) but i just finished reading your analysis on the mid-season finale and oh my god dude.

the retcon on how persephone feels about apollo after over 4 years of seeing her hate him because of what he did nearly pushed me over the edge. i feel sick to my stomach, this has to be among the worst things rachel has done and i just wanna say thank you for bringing it up and talking about it so eloquently. i'm a victim of SA and its comforting to see people in the fandom take it as seriously as it should be.

also LO rekindled is a breath of fresh air, thank you for creating it and putting so much work into it <3

Aw man, it's wild when I see people go through the pipeline of realizing LO has issues, mostly because it's a common attack on the critical community that everyone in it are just a bunch of "trolls and haters", but really, a lot of us started in the same boat as you, myself included. I unfortunately just missed the Patreon era, but I remember when I was a diehard fan of LO, it was one of the biggest facets of my friendship with the person who introduced me to it, I would literally be swiping my app refreshing it over and over again in the last seconds leading up to new updates trying to get the episode to just load, I drew fanart, I even did a tattoo of it once for that same friend who got me into it, and yes, I was really pissed that there was an anti community surrounding it.

It's crazy to think back on those times. I do miss how the comic used to make me feel, but at the same time, I know there's no going back to that time so I try to make the best of what I have now within the critic community, and what I've gained since then in terms of dissecting and discussing literature.

I feel so much for your feelings regarding the SA plot, I'm also a victim of SA so it was one of the biggest plot points that drew me into the comic in the first place, so it was really hard to truly realize what the series had become as the SA plotline took a backseat and the characterizations fell apart. It felt like something that I had gone through - and many others who also related to Persephone's struggles - was being used for cheap drama and that feels especially apparent now with how the series seems to be backpedaling it, or at least, replacing it with different motivations to make Apollo the villain, almost like it's an attempt to distract us from the SA and make us want to see his downfall for reasons that Rachel can quantify in a more black and white "good vs evil" kind of way.

I'm so glad you like Rekindled, I made it for people like you and I who loved LO once upon a time but mourn for what it once was before it turned into what it is now. It's been such a cathartic project for me and I'm so happy that others enjoy it too <3

#lore olympus critical #lo critical #ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything

65 notes · View notes

sucresanguine · 3 months ago

Text

So I'm losing my shit because I tested positive for BRACA breast cancer genes and now my potential for a very natural looking top surgery is fucking gone. I'm very thin so it'll probably end up fucking indented, I scar terribly and heal slowly, so it'll be effectively permanently clockable in this fucking political environment. This was the one fucking thing I actually thought I had a leg up on in my transition. It took nearly four years of hrt to pass with middling consistency. I feel fucking sick to my stomach every single day and I can only talk about it to a handful of people. This was supposed to be a happy thing for me and now it's something I'm having consistent nightmares about. Like of course this shit gets taken from me too. I was a perfect candidate for keyhole- literally AA cup- and now anyone who knows anything about trans guys is probably going to make some fucking cunt assumption that I had double ds. Like no sorry actually that wasn't a part of myself I completely loathed, yeah they had to scrape it all out willy nilly. The level of transvestigation going on has me feeling unsafe with my body around other trans people because I swear to god the amount of assumptions and projection baby trans people do is actively worse that cis people because the knowledge is there. I barely ever need to bind as is, it was literally just so I could be in situations with my shirt off and still feel fucking safe.

#yeah i feel sick. what of it

5 notes · View notes

eddiesxangel · 29 days ago

Note

Hi hi I’m a little confused about the timeline of wildflower🫠 in the first one VR is 11 turning 12, then four years later in the sequel she’s 16. In the sequel we saw Angel pregnant and getting proposed to. In the Espresso one shot it’s insinuated that she had the baby not too long ago as she was stressed about the song, going on stage again, and the baby leading to them not being able to be intimate as frequently. But then there’s a line that says VR is now 22, then jumping us a whole 6 years later. I felt like it was also insinuated that they had gotten married somewhat recently post sequel because Angel was still relishing in calling eddie her husband in the espresso one shot. Can you provide some clarity?

Also, with the songs she wrote about the break up (Midnight Rain in this universe- fitting, I loved it), how does Angel feel about performing them now? They must take on a different meaning now or something, right? I wouldn’t think she’d stop performing those break up songs altogether, especially if they were hits and crowd favorites. Usually artists in concert play new stuff with a mix of old stuff. How does current eddie feel about her break up songs from that period?

This is such a cool universe because with all the pop that’s having a resurgence you could headcanon her creating any of those songs. I headcanon eddie writing Nothing Else Matters (Metallica’s first romantic ballad) for her. Juno by SC🫢🤭🤭🤭🤭twirling my hair kicking my feet fr. I bet eddie would LOVE the new positions each night. Or the Nonsense outros she’d make about him🤭🤭🤭or obsessed by olivia Rodrigo being one of Angel’s from when they first started fake dating and she was going down the rabbit hole of his history. Oh my god her writing Taste by SC during their breakup because she gets jealous with all the women he’s seen with. Thinking about that SC music video with Jenna Ortega- groundbreaking.

OH also when I was reading the series, the club scene in the first one reminded me of Good For You by Selena Gomez especially “let me show how proud I am to be yours, wanna leave this dress a mess on the floor, still look good for you” oh that’d be insane.

I feel like if she wrote Picture You by chappell roan that would be one song he actually really would like because of how deliberate the devotion to him would be. Like she put aside her bubblegum pop typical song creation to make just a flat out slow romantic love song full of devotion plus she’s insinuating touching herself to the thought of him and he’d be all about that. “So tell me now, all your perversions. Am I doing research in a mini skirt, at the library in your hometown? Oh, I need you around. I’m getting close now. Do you picture me like I picture you?” Eddie would go into cardiac arrest

You’ve made such a cool universe here with so much real estate! How fun!

Omg first thank you so so much for reading it! I know it’s a lot. Like a mini book lol but it’s my baby and I get so excited when people want to talk about it 🥲

Ok so first with the time line they had the baby, but waited to get married bc life got in the way, tours, albums, raising a baby. They wanted Lila Rose to also remember the wedding so the time line did jump into the future about 6 years. I still have a baby-moon/honey-moon fic in mind I just haven’t had it in me to write. The fics that come after (if they do) won’t be in a timeline order. Just whatever comes to mind if I’m making any sense?

Angel does find it hard to sing certain songs, I thought about how she also wrote In another life by Katy Perry and she literally cannot do it live bc it makes her physically sick to even try.

Forget about us by Perrie is also on the list but she would belt that one. Down bad by Taylor. Now that we don’t talk by Taylor would also be cathartic for her with the like “I don’t have to pretend I like acid rock” lol love is embarrassing by Olivia Rodrigo, cool by Gracie Abrams.

Sabrina is a big influence when it comes wrote the character lol. her whole aesthetic is what I envisioned, very girly, pastels, sparkles- but also mixed with early Britney Spears. But going back so SC her short n’sweet album has soooo many songs that I would give Angel to be her own.

Juno is a big one, like you said- Eddie would be EATING out of the palm of her hand with the positions. He would be giving her suggestions mid fuck the night before the tour.

Eternal Sunshine, 34+35, and the boy is mine by Ariana. Bed chem by Sabrina. Slut! By Taylor in the early days before the breakup. Risk by Gracie Abrams, I could go on forever with other pop songs that are conon to her lol. But I loved your suggestion bc yes!! They’re all soooooo her 🥰

The club scene is one of my favourite parts, I love the tension just before they break 😩 that’s song is perfect!

#wildflower #rockstar!eddie x pop!princess #tj’s mailbox

2 notes · View notes

marmotsomsierost · 1 year ago

Text

I have been sick since fuckin. What day. The fuckin 16th of december is when this bullshit started. It is JANUARY FUCKIN FIFTH. That saturday i woke up, coughed (not super unusual with this persistent stupid postnasal drip crap) so hard i puked all of the little i had in my stomach out (super unusual) and had a scratchy throat for the rest of the day. Didn't think anything of it. Was feeling kind of but not really better towards evening. Then, decorating the tree, cough drop in mouth, i go to fling a string of lights up and inhale said cough drop, which lodges just below my thyroid.

I do not die. The dog and the husband are not convinced. I use actual words to mention the not dying thing. They are...slightly more convinced.

Sunday i wake up with sensation in throat, not like pain, not raw, just like...there's something there that isn't normally there. Have minor cough and very raspy voice. Sinuses mostly clear. I wake up on the 20th and have literally no voice. I need my voice to be able to triage people. I call out sick. I go back the next day, it's fine. Still little cough, mostly clear sinuses, just suddenly a tenor. This continues until the 25th.

Dinner on christmas i find annoying to eat. It's like my throat has decided it's full and the stomach goes 'eh okay sure let's stop' in weird agreement. I go to work the next day.

I have turned into the crotchety old man you never see out of scooterdress with snus in his lip and a suspicious possibly-sentient coffee mug in one hand and the other hand tucked into the front of his bibbed pants. Basically Bjørn Sundquist. Anyway.

I now have a coughing wheezy rasp where by the end of the night i will cough all the air out of my lungs, die, gasp in air, cough that out, die again, then am able to breathe again. Unfortunately not shiny and chrome. Still. I call out the next morning, have a video visit, get some antibiotics and an inhaler, we're good to go right.

Wrong. Turns out pretending really really hard that you don't have a fever does not actually get rid of said fever. I call out again. I'm off work the next three days anyway, that gives me a nice block of time to finish my antibiotics and get back to normal.

There's no tech for the two days before new year's day so when i show up despite sounding like a zombie everyone is all 'oh thank god you're here' and 'we have a tech?? We have TWO TECHS?? Yeah!' But about four hours in i keep getting the concerned face and side-eye of concern and avaunt foul beast from the rest of the ED. The doctor tells me i sound worse than half of the patients. The PA listens to my lungs and says something like 'wow with that cough i figured your lungs would be shit but they're actually really clear'. The loud triage nurse says 'well hell marmot's been coughing for weeks and she's still here' loudly several times in earshot of patients whose chief complaint is 'cough since this morning' and the night shift triage nurse tells the charge nurse that i can stay in the back, he wants to keep the front plague-free.

I almost call out yesterday. I had the phone in my hand but an alert went out that the evening tech called out and wednesday was a shitshow so i was like okay, i'm not that bad, i'll go in.

I should have called out. I have alarms set for when to take the sudafed and the cough medicine and the inhaler because time is fake at the best of times and this ain't the best of times. I survive to the end of the shift. I blow my nose before i leave and my ears pop- the right clears fast, the left clears by the time i get home.

I'm off today. Cough is demonstrably better in frequency if nothing else, even without regular doses of medicine. I get home from dropping samus at the vet (she's fine) and blow my nose again, and ears pop. Left ear won't clear. It doesn't hurt but it is driving me absolutely batshit insane. It's like juuuust on the edge of fucking with my equilibrium. I've tried gum. Decongestant. Antihistamines. Soak in hot bath in our dwarf-ass tub as best i can. Am about to try broiling in a shower.

I'm so tired of this crap. Where is bones with a magic lung-fixing ear-clearing pill when you need him.

7 notes · View notes

slaughterverse · 1 year ago

Text

GAMES (And DLCs) PLAYED 2023!!

10. The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog. I am NOT! The Visual Novel enjoyer. BUT MAN!! WHAT A DELIGHT!! It honestly brought be around in the genre again after DR3 muddied my enjoyment of it. Totally unexpected and so so SO enjoyable. Which is why I’m giving it a spot on the top 10! Play this game!! It’s free and awesome! I’ve even had people with know knowledge of Sonic tell me they liked this game! I’m serious! Go play it!!!

9. Bastion! LOVED this one! A beautiful game! I honestly don’t have much more to say on it though because it’s kinda just another really good game from Supergiant. I love how many styles of combat exist as options in this game, like, more than Hades had which felt like a lot compared to Transistor (which also had a lot of cool options but you can only use a sword so many ways). Good game! 8/10! Definitely recommend!

8. Frospoken. I’m being generous to this one because despite the super lackluster story. THIS WAS SO FUCKING FUN TO PLAY!!! I literally had such a blast with this one!! The abilities made running around the world so so so fun!! Of course I am disappointed that it didn’t live up to my expectations after following its development through the years, but honestly, they can’t all be bangers and I’m fine with that. Some games are just fun and have sick as fuck boss fights, and sometimes that’s all I need. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it though.

7. Sonic Frontiers: The Final Horizon. Okay I didn’t think they were gonna fully redo an entire level of the game. When they said “new story content” I thought that was gonna be like four new basically Cyber Space levels and that’s it. ALSO IM SORRY!! I’M SORRY FOR COMPLAINING ABOUT THE DIFFICULTY I’LL BE DIFFERENT NEXT TIME. All in all it was solid as hell. Like I’ve always said with Frontiers, this one GETS Sonic. This is what it’s all about. But Christ this was hard to beat….

6. Kingdom Hearts. The first one. BANGER!!! SUPER FUCKING CUTE. Also Cloud and Yuffie are there :]]]!!! The whole concept of Final Fantasy meets Disney still feels like an absolute buck wild concept to turn into such a well beloved franchise but hey! It’s good shit!! My favorite level overall was probably the Little Mermaid one! I love unique level mechanics!! Excited to play more of these games next year!

5. Spider-Man: Miles Morales. Cannot believe I delayed playing this one for so long! IT WAS SO GOOD!! These games are doing so right by my boys Miles and Ganke. The Spider-Verse movies could never (Taking shots at my own favorite movies). I’m REALLY glad I didn’t skip this before 2 came out. I loved the side quests on this one most of all! Really made you feel like a Friendly Neighbor Spider-Man instead of just Spider-Man. Also Haley I love you so much my sweet girl Haley :]

4. Destiny 2: Lightfall. This might be the lowest a D2 expansion has scored on this list in years. But that’s entirely because the other games this year were FUCKING SWEEET! But GOD. UAGH. I LOVED THIS ONE!!!! IT WAS SO GOOD!!! WHAT THE HELL… Nimbus my best friend Nimbus. AND GRAPPLING HOOK??? YEAHHHHH!!! God Strand is a fun subclass. It definitely doesn’t beat Stasis for me right now but it is SOOOOOOO FUNNNNNN. I loveee itttt. It was so exciting to start unraveling more about the Witness. Also the seasons this year? Mostly bangers!! We got a Pirate Season AND a Dragon Season?!?! WOOOOO!!!!!

3. Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. MOTHER!!! FUCKING!!!!!! DRAGONS!!!!!!!!!! DRAGONS!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! DRAGON BOSS FIGHT!!! WOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!! LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO! 10/10 THIS GAME ROCKS. BEST ZELDA GAME. DRAGONSS!!!!!!!

2. Lethal Company! God this game rules. Enough to surpass the other games on this list purely because it’s gotten me through this whole month. It’s designed in a way that it’s always fun to come back to and it’s just been hours of fun with my besties! Plus it looks fucking stellar. Literally peak. 10/10, cannot recommend this one enough.

1. SPIDA-MAN!!!!!! 2!!!!!!!!!!!! Was so fucking good HOOOLLLYYYYY SHIT! I literally have raved on and on about this game and honestly I could just keep going. The gameplay was PHENOMENAL!!! The characters were so good. It was SUCH a good take on the Black Suit and Venom AND a really cool take on Kraven’s Last Hunt!!!!!!!!! Literally I couldn’t have asked for more from this game! It’s earned a spot as one of my all time favorites!!! :D

#ophidian lore #game rankings

5 notes · View notes

bunnyqueengrace · 2 years ago

Text

Vent post below the cut.

The past week and a half has been fucked. I am so tempted to just call the fuck out of work tomorrow. I am just so damn tired.

The customers are constantly trashing the store and letting their kids run wild. They're screaming at us, the staff, over the stupidest fucking things. No, Karen, you cannot get full price back for this item you bought four years ago and are now returning, that's not how it fucking works, and you know it, no amount of tantrums will change this. They then bitch us out on social media for their own bad behavior.

(Not to mention all the abandoned cars that get strewn about the store that we then have to clean up)

Making things even more frustrating is that corporate literally will not let us schedule enough people to Actually Run The Store. We literally get two or three cashiers for most of the day, and two or three floor staff to cover The Entire Store, and one of the floor staff HAS TO BE covering the fitting room or we can't have the fitting room open. BUT. We have been getting massive, rush-hour type lines at times that were not considered rush hour pre-pandemic, and the two or three cashiers are not enough. The majority of the time, someone from the floor staff have to get on register to help get the line steady at the very least, cleared out at best. And when that happens, that's one or two less people covering the floor and cleaning up after the gods-damned customers who keep trashing the place and letting their kids be holy terrors. Which, in turn, means the store is almost never clean. We have enough people on payroll, we could easily have enough people scheduled to cover the registers and keep the store tidy, not this everyone-has-to-be-doing-three-jobs-at-once bullshit. But gods forbid the corporate fuckos give us the hours, since that would require them spending money on their workforce and they haven't made their fifteen unused yachts a month quota.

(There's always enough people scheduled for out back, but they're usually all done and out the door by noon, and half of them aren't cashier-trained.)

Not to mention we keep losing people about as fast as we hire them. One would think after all the shenanigans the pandemic put us all through, corporate would at least TRY to offer (and Actually Give) better benefits like more paid sick leave, etc. But no. Apparently we're all supposed to just accept the old bullshit treatment of the past, even though we know better can be done. I don't blame the youngsters who leave after a week, whether I like them or not, they know what they're worth and I hope they're all doing well. But the constant turnover because corporate can't treat us with basic respect and decency is Not Good For Anyone.

And that's just the work side of things.

Two of my family members have had major surgeries. They're both okay, but one is elderly, and as tough as she is, this was an extremely stressful time and we have no idea how well she's going to handle her physical therapy.

A few other family members don't seem to be talking right now, and the rest of us are trying so hard to awkwardly navigate around them. I'd honestly rather one of them just outright say they don't want the others in their life anymore, at least that way I could have some idea of how to proceed.

And on top of all that, I've been having flashbacks to high school when my mother was at her worst with everything from privacy to grades and plenty beyond.

I am just so fucking tired. I don't want to die, but I just want everything to fucking stop.

#vent post #i dont know if any of this needs a trigger warning but do what you need to take care of yourself if any of this affects you

2 notes · View notes

preserve-or-raze · 2 years ago

Text

hey so @staff the reason we’re worried about you forcing an algorithmically generated dashboard is because you are surrounded by sites who do that. literally every other site is doing that. this is the only site that doesn’t force users to interact with a “for you” page. you’ve got one, it’s just not mandatory.

the reason twitter and reddit users came to tumblr is bc we’re different here. their home sites decided to modernize and fucked their userbases to do it. the following excerpt is full of bad ideologies that kill the whole appeal of tumblr as a platform

“creators, like everyone on tumblr” what the hell do you MEAN like everyone?? everyone on tumblr is a creator. that’s the whole fucking point isn’t it? that’s why they’re called blogs? because every user has a website all their own that they curate to present themselves to the world. which leads me further. tumblr doesn’t really have creators the way you’ve used the term here. tumblr isn’t about creators and consumers like instagram and tiktok. tumblr is about conversations and show-and-tells. it’s about showing neat stuff to your buddies and some creative people making things and sharing them. you need to reframe users in the corporate mind as sharers, not creators.

“engagement on a post” yeah the only people looking for engagement are folks who don’t understand the culture that’s grown on tumblr over 15 years. (see trend: “this has 10k notes. to me.” “pLEASE GOD NO!”) tumblr’s draw is a place that fosters hanging out with friends. people get nervous when their posts “breach containment.” we’d rather have relatively few interactions with people like us (mutuals) than millions of notes from fuck knows who.

“being successful on tumblr” what the filthy fresh fuck are you talking about??? this is the most egregious error in this new way of thinking. tumblr is the best social media around because there’s no competition. everyone is sick to the back teeth of the comparison game and disingenuous clout-chasing. that’s why the hidden follower/following count is so brilliant. tumblr isn’t about numbers. no one worth anything on tumblr makes posts sponsored by third parties because tumblr isn’t about making users money. i get that tumblr has costs and business gotta business, but my point is that while instafluencers are trying to sell you LED strips and tiktokkers want you to buy yoga pants and twits urge you to invest in crypto, tumblr folks are just offering fursona commissions. and on the fame front, celebrity doesn’t really exist on tumblr. it’s just girls being bros. there’s some well-known urls that have viral posts that have been cross-posted to the four corners of cyberspace, but even still no one bats an eye when recognizable users respond to someone you’ve never heard of. because notoriety has never been the goal for tumblr users. there’s virtually no celebrity on tumblr. fame, sure—but not celebrity.

“should never feel like a punishing experience” well, success on tumblr would be defined by the average user as having a good time. the way you make that feel punishing is to force users into systems and flows that they do not like. the way to make it rewarding is an in-depth explanation of tumblr’s current culture and functionalities. tagging posts, following users, blocking users, searching for tags (@staff fix the fucking search feature), how to tag posts, when to reblog vs reply, how and why to like posts, tagging your posts, changing your dash to be newest first, that there’s no expiration date on posts like you can reblog even if it’s a decade later, TAGGING your POSTS, using xkit (or w/e) on desktop, implementing themes for your blogs, changing headers and pfps so we know you aren’t a bot, TAGGING YOUR FUCKING POSTS. teach people how to use this site and not only will they use it, they’ll feel like an important part of this community—which has infinitely more retaining power.

now look. i love tumblr. it’s the only social media i’ve got left. but it’s basically the only thing keeping me on the internet and i’ve got a whole host of reasons to leave altogether. i think a lot of folks share my current enthusiasm and looming trepidation over tumblr’s future. staff, we love it here, but you’ll find very few of your veterans, your core userbase, those of us who taught the former twits and redditors how this hellsite worked, us with the institutional knowledge, the ones who have the most grace to give you — very few of us will stick around if you try to model our tumblr after the image of these hostile platforms claiming to be user-centered social medias.

also, for the love of all that’s sacred, @staff, please fix the fucking search feature.

Tumblr’s Core Product Strategy

Here at Tumblr, we’ve been working hard on reorganizing how we work in a bid to gain more users. A larger user base means a more sustainable company, and means we get to stick around and do this thing with you all a bit longer. What follows is the strategy we're using to accomplish the goal of user growth. The @labs group has published a bit already, but this is bigger. We’re publishing it publicly for the first time, in an effort to work more transparently with all of you in the Tumblr community. This strategy provides guidance amid limited resources, allowing our teams to focus on specific key areas to ensure Tumblr’s future.

The Diagnosis

In order for Tumblr to grow, we need to fix the core experience that makes Tumblr a useful place for users. The underlying problem is that Tumblr is not easy to use. Historically, we have expected users to curate their feeds and lean into curating their experience. But this expectation introduces friction to the user experience and only serves a small portion of our audience.

Tumblr’s competitive advantage lies in its unique content and vibrant communities. As the forerunner of internet culture, Tumblr encompasses a wide range of interests, such as entertainment, art, gaming, fandom, fashion, and music. People come to Tumblr to immerse themselves in this culture, making it essential for us to ensure a seamless connection between people and content.

To guarantee Tumblr’s continued success, we’ve got to prioritize fostering that seamless connection between people and content. This involves attracting and retaining new users and creators, nurturing their growth, and encouraging frequent engagement with the platform.

Our Guiding Principles

To enhance Tumblr’s usability, we must address these core guiding principles.

Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.

Provide high-quality content with every app launch.

Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.

Retain and grow our creator base.

Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.

Improve the platform’s performance, stability, and quality.

Below is a deep dive into each of these principles.

Principle 1: Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.

Tumblr has a “top of the funnel” issue in converting non-users into engaged logged-in users. We also have not invested in industry standard SEO practices to ensure a robust top of the funnel. The referral traffic that we do get from external sources is dispersed across different pages with inconsistent user experiences, which results in a missed opportunity to convert these users into regular Tumblr users. For example, users from search engines often land on pages within the blog network and blog view—where there isn’t much of a reason to sign up.

We need to experiment with logged-out tumblr.com to ensure we are capturing the highest potential conversion rate for visitors into sign-ups and log-ins. We might want to explore showing the potential future user the full breadth of content that Tumblr has to offer on our logged-out pages. We want people to be able to easily understand the potential behind Tumblr without having to navigate multiple tabs and pages to figure it out. Our current logged-out explore page does very little to help users understand “what is Tumblr.” which is a missed opportunity to get people excited about joining the site.

Actions & Next Steps

Improving Tumblr’s search engine optimization (SEO) practices to be in line with industry standards.

Experiment with logged out tumblr.com to achieve the highest conversion rate for sign-ups and log-ins, explore ways for visitors to “get” Tumblr and entice them to sign up.

Principle 2: Provide high-quality content with every app launch.

We need to ensure the highest quality user experience by presenting fresh and relevant content tailored to the user’s diverse interests during each session. If the user has a bad content experience, the fault lies with the product.

The default position should always be that the user does not know how to navigate the application. Additionally, we need to ensure that when people search for content related to their interests, it is easily accessible without any confusing limitations or unexpected roadblocks in their journey.

Being a 15-year-old brand is tough because the brand carries the baggage of a person’s preconceived impressions of Tumblr. On average, a user only sees 25 posts per session, so the first 25 posts have to convey the value of Tumblr: it is a vibrant community with lots of untapped potential. We never want to leave the user believing that Tumblr is a place that is stale and not relevant.

Actions & Next Steps

Deliver great content each time the app is opened.

Make it easier for users to understand where the vibrant communities on Tumblr are.

Improve our algorithmic ranking capabilities across all feeds.

Principle 3: Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.

Part of Tumblr’s charm lies in its capacity to showcase the evolution of conversations and the clever remarks found within reblog chains and replies. Engaging in these discussions should be enjoyable and effortless.

Unfortunately, the current way that conversations work on Tumblr across replies and reblogs is confusing for new users. The limitations around engaging with individual reblogs, replies only applying to the original post, and the inability to easily follow threaded conversations make it difficult for users to join the conversation.

Actions & Next Steps

Address the confusion within replies and reblogs.

Improve the conversational posting features around replies and reblogs.

Allow engagements on individual replies and reblogs.

Make it easier for users to follow the various conversation paths within a reblog thread.

Remove clutter in the conversation by collapsing reblog threads.

Explore the feasibility of removing duplicate reblogs within a user’s Following feed.

Principle 4: Retain and grow our creator base.

Creators are essential to the Tumblr community. However, we haven’t always had a consistent and coordinated effort around retaining, nurturing, and growing our creator base.

Being a new creator on Tumblr can be intimidating, with a high likelihood of leaving or disappointment upon sharing creations without receiving engagement or feedback. We need to ensure that we have the expected creator tools and foster the rewarding feedback loops that keep creators around and enable them to thrive.

The lack of feedback stems from the outdated decision to only show content from followed blogs on the main dashboard feed (“Following”), perpetuating a cycle where popular blogs continue to gain more visibility at the expense of helping new creators. To address this, we need to prioritize supporting and nurturing the growth of new creators on the platform.

It is also imperative that creators, like everyone on Tumblr, feel safe and in control of their experience. Whether it be an ask from the community or engagement on a post, being successful on Tumblr should never feel like a punishing experience.

Actions & Next Steps

Get creators’ new content in front of people who are interested in it.

Improve the feedback loop for creators, incentivizing them to continue posting.

Build mechanisms to protect creators from being spammed by notifications when they go viral.

Expand ways to co-create content, such as by adding the capability to embed Tumblr links in posts.

Principle 5: Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.

Push notifications and emails are essential tools to increase user engagement, improve user retention, and facilitate content discovery. Our strategy of reaching out to you, the user, should be well-coordinated across product, commercial, and marketing teams.

Our messaging strategy needs to be personalized and adapt to a user’s shifting interests. Our messages should keep users in the know on the latest activity in their community, as well as keeping Tumblr top of mind as the place to go for witty takes and remixes of the latest shows and real-life events.

Most importantly, our messages should be thoughtful and should never come across as spammy.

Actions & Next Steps

Conduct an audit of our messaging strategy.

Address the issue of notifications getting too noisy; throttle, collapse or mute notifications where necessary.

Identify opportunities for personalization within our email messages.

Test what the right daily push notification limit is.

Send emails when a user has push notifications switched off.

Principle 6: Performance, stability and quality.

The stability and performance of our mobile apps have declined. There is a large backlog of production issues, with more bugs created than resolved over the last 300 days. If this continues, roughly one new unresolved production issue will be created every two days. Apps and backend systems that work well and don't crash are the foundation of a great Tumblr experience. Improving performance, stability, and quality will help us achieve sustainable operations for Tumblr.

Improve performance and stability: deliver crash-free, responsive, and fast-loading apps on Android, iOS, and web.

Improve quality: deliver the highest quality Tumblr experience to our users.

Move faster: provide APIs and services to unblock core product initiatives and launch new features coming out of Labs.

Conclusion

Our mission has always been to empower the world’s creators. We are wholly committed to ensuring Tumblr evolves in a way that supports our current users while improving areas that attract new creators, artists, and users. You deserve a digital home that works for you. You deserve the best tools and features to connect with your communities on a platform that prioritizes the easy discoverability of high-quality content. This is an invigorating time for Tumblr, and we couldn’t be more excited about our current strategy.

#@staff #Tumblr™#tumblr dot com #hellsite dot tumblr dot com #@staff fix the fucking search feature #rb

65K notes · View notes

the-firebird69 · 3 months ago

Text

There is an answer and they're saying to have employees be annoying then move a bunch of people in and people see it and they're going to get crucified and nailed to a cross their code is very simple they might as well be using English it's horrendously simple that's horrible and a huge mistake and didn't listen to anyone and you're being led by a boy Trump is too young and doesn't know what he's doing wrong and her son knows the old way thank God for Trump he's helping and her son is not capable of keeping his temper and many many occasions says it's not responsible for what Hera is saying LOL, he did have her say the joke and he's admitting it but yeah sometimes we're cantankerous like he is and you think he rubbed off he says it's probably true. We have a lot to do today tomorrow is coming up and he's going to Walmart and Chinese buffet we need to get ready for that it's a big event his internet is down his phone is slower than molasses he has to go to the library to pay his bills is unacceptable we don't think it's right but it come out here and they see what he's doing and they have a huge team and they're across the street too and they're getting ready and it will counter him easier.

--he's going to go around kidnapping people to try and stop them from halting him messing up the electrical account which is a freaking joke there's huge groups doing in the kinds of f****** massive joke he's going to be doing this work it's like this until he's gone it's if he is a four year old child honest to God we have words for it and he is more delinquent than anybody in history I've never seen someone this stupid in my life he is a constant f****** so they sat there and revealed what they're doing right now to getting slaughtered out there and just some really crazy women to think that they're going to take control and they're getting found out and they do nasty things to them mostly they burn them as witches and they're nasty to our Sunday screw you around to this house and messing with stuff and they get beat up quite often in this d****** is doing what they do

--further News 4 million came in in the past day and a half and three million are dead 500,000 Rand and $250,000 are sicker than hell and $250,000 and juiced up to the Max and won't last we believe the sick ones will be out early afternoon and Gone Dead and the others will start getting sick tonight out of the roughly 24,000 remaining liters is 25,000 some came back $5,000 are sicker than hell and 20,000 are just to the Max and it's not doing it and they're going to be sicker than hell late tonight tomorrow or this weekend they will have no power over it.

--our son is at about the 13.2%, they dropped and we were surprised but it's still within the lipoma. Tonight it'll probably be 12% which is great he's very surprised but he's out there and it's in heavy radiation is going out again

--I did pay off the Marion Bill the other one is showing zero so he thinks they may have shut it off and we're trying to figure that out and they're running power lines to the outlets but nothing is running so they may not have used power and the fan was off so that could be the issue then they may have prorated it with just not charge for the storm because all the power was out and it's kind of out now it's off and on that's probably the real reason it probably go on for another month but his place is going to be worked on sometime we're not sure when it's not a huge concern he's doing okay there boy these people nasty they are nasty.

--we anticipate at this rate he will be at 10 probably Saturday morning and the big drop will happen maybe Sunday night and it'll be a couple days and then another one and that would be by today is the 7th and it will be probably the 12th that's the Wednesday morning and that is prior to the 15th also it's when Trump would start losing the battle and he would be motivated to grab him and we do know about the timing and how he's ascertaining when he's a cheat and he's awful at it but it's going like that and he is going to lose and he looks ridiculous but he's supposed to they're saying it's us or something or his kids I'm not really sure enough his kids are saying and they're going to throw them into the power source and I'll tell you what they're strong people and our son knows what that means they're not going to put up with it

Thor Freya

You do understand me what they're saying that we're tough and we stand up for ourselves won't put up with this crap but we also do a lot of work to make it better and that's what it is nothing to start shouting and yelling like this morons

Savage opress

Olympus

0 notes

dancing-inasnowglobe · 1 year ago

Text

JO YOU ARE SO SO SO SO EVIL FOR THIS I AM FERAL AND SOBBING

this will be haunting me for the next month thanks for the emotional trauma omfg. because trouble and luke????

He’s made a home of you.

HELLO WHAT YOU CAN'T START WITH THIS I WAS NOT PREPARED TO FEEL THINGS THIS EARLY

“You’re not supposed to be here, are you? Are you mine?” “I’m always going to be yours,” he says with no hesitation, “Four years later, and there is still not one living thing worth losing you,”

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my go

“Tell me what I need to hear. Even if it’s not true…Even if you’re not real,” “It’s always going to be you and me. I’ll love you until the end of my days and then some.”

EVEN IF ITS NOT TRUE god she just needs comfort and even if it isn't real she wants luke any way that she can have him jesus christ i cannot with this and "and then some"??? i am forever struck by people saying not just for this rest of my life but past that

Luke picks up the pair of heels next to where he sets the sword against the wall, and like it’s nothing out of the sort, he gets on his knees.

the fact that he hjust did it like a habit is making me aljklafsng

You can hear the microwave whirring in the kitchen, your roommate none the wiser of the sound of two hearts breaking.

it's three hearts actually mine is crushed by now thanks

you comprehend now where he just came from. “I had to see you. I didn’t get to say goodbye when I left,

oh. OHHHH my god

D specifically told Zeus that he’d wage another if he was made to miss your big day.

we love Mr. D being a good dad

Time is a thief and you know that too well by now.

TIME IS A THIEF??!!! TIME IS A THIEF?????!!!!! you knew what you were doing you are simply evil for this sentence i am screaming because time is kronos obvs and luke being a thief as a son of hermes and also the lightning thief and so literally time is a thief. but also how trouble and luke only have stolen moments in time?? and something about how time steals the other away because they're at different stages in life when luke visits and time always steals him away bc he needs to go back, and how like kronos steals luke back from trouble to do more dastardly plans just like aiuhsgbdbk

you smile wistfully, and you keep your eyes shut for longer, because like this, it’s almost like he’s actually there in real time. In a world where things went your way, this would be his apartment too, and his clothes would be scattered around your shared bedroom like how they used to back in cabin 12. You always used to put them on The Chair, as he would call it—but Luke’s known to make a mess of your life regardless of your efforts.

in another life they could've had this life together i am shaking. and also the mess part like yes, the apartment/cabin and clothes, but how trouble's trying to move on a tiny bit and this is her at her most mature so far (i think), graduating and this is luke when they're still happy together and those memories are haunting her and his visits are making a mess of her life

The smile that lights up his face makes you realize he thinks he's still a part of this—you. And you miss him—even when he’s right here, fuck, you miss all the versions of him that have come to visit, even the ones you don’t know of yet.

this really fucking hurt me

I lost you so long ago, Luke. And you’re not mine anymore. I don't think you have been in a long time Even without all the glory in the world I would still be yours. I still am, even if I can’t bear it.

screaming crying throwing up i am SICK to my stomach because having that love that's so big and vast but hurts you so bad you can't bear it?? that is the shit.

“Just someone I used to know.”

so many people do this really cringingly but you did this so well omg

final thoughts: masterpiece. absolute masterpiece. the way you write is so heartbreaking and thoughtful and i love the characterization. and how trouble and luke are always at different points on their shared wavelength but always and irrevocably in love?? broke me. so i will be contemplating this for forever now

solipsism

a 'partners in crime' installment - luke castellan x dionysus!reader

words: 5.1k

summary: (post-TLT) drink responsibly… trouble doesn’t; you punch luke in this lol (novelization spoilers? kinda canon-compliant)

The one where you finally pray to Hestia to keep your home safe, even if he's also trying to destroy it. Luke visits you four times during college, in a timeline opposite to yours (doctor x river song-coded) (lore expansion & explanation here) (Luke Castellan x fem!Dionysus!reader)

a/n: i hurt myself with this one. anyways its canon (to me) that we’re roommates now !!!! more to come like i promised even during my birthday break ! scream at me in the comments and feel free to reblog :)

(post 3/6, edited/betad @hotchfiles )

—

solipsism (the idea that only one’s mind is sure to exist)

You didn’t mean to send a prayer out into the world so strong that it would will an apparition of an Olympian, but burning cookies seems to be your specialty. Arguably, they weren’t the good kind, just the ones you grab in the freezer aisle of Walmart, and still, somehow they set your fire alarm off. Opening a window and waving through the smoke— Hestia, goddess of the hearth and home was standing next to the rickety dining table you bought off Facebook marketplace.

“Holy shit, you scared me!”

There’s mirth in her eyes at your reaction, though for all you know it could be annoyance—it’s not often that an immortal could be badgered enough to reveal themselves for an accident like this one.

“Dionysus was right. You’re too much like him for your own good,” she grins, taking a seat at the table like she’s an old friend. There’s a warmth to her unlike anyone you’ve met before—fire crackling in her eyes and an aura of serenity swaddling the air that you’ve never felt before in your student accomodations.

“I’m sorry I just… with all due respect, what’s going on?”

You go to toss the hot tray of cookies in the trash bin, before hesitating and putting them on your nicest plate. A gentle shove slides them over the table to the goddess, and she takes a crunch out of one happily.

“You were praying,” she states, like its common knowledge, “so strongly, in fact, I thought I’d make a visit to one of my most loyal devotees. Though in this case, you’re the object of his devotion, yes?”

Your hands are clasped across your lap and a familiar feeling spreads through you, then she jerks her hand up and points, “There. You’re doing it again. Y’know, it’s about time you start reciprocating the effort. Hermes’ son prays for you with intention.” You were thinking about Luke before she appeared—and hope glimmered like a tiny open flame. It’s still there, in the slow beating of your heart.

“He’s waging war with the gods. I don’t think he prays to them anymore,” you reason. Luke's offerings to the hearth must have been extinguished by the wrath he’s rained on Camp Half-Blood by now. The perfect storm.

“Not when it comes to you. Mortals never fail to surprise me. But it seems you’re a special case, my sweet. He’s made a home of you.”

To love Luke feels like having to keep a secret and never being able to tell anyone, but Hestia reaches for your hands across the table and looks at you knowingly.

“When I gave up my seat on Olympus for your father it wasn’t a sign of weakness, even if I did it so that others could be happy. I think your soul is a lot like mine in that you’ve given up so much of what you want to protect others. In turn, he’s doing the best he can to protect you; I listen to him every day, sweet girl. You are not weak for loving him still. There are generations of strength in your bones.”

“What else am I supposed to do? I search for him in everyone I meet and I’m not sure I’ll ever find that type of love again.”

These are thoughts you’d never told anyone—not Annabeth, not your father, not even yourself and surely never aloud.

“I hope you never do,” the goddess says, and you know it too.

i. no winter lasts forever (a night out after a drive home from virginia)

Flick. Flick.

“Come on, Hestia. Not you too. Don’t fail me now,” you mumble. The frigid metal of your zippo lighter rubs against your thumbs as you cup it in your hands, shielding the tiny flame that fights the harsh winter wind. Trying to focus as you lean against the brick of the Inferno, you take a deep inhale of smoke to warm your bones. Healing was never supposed to be easy.

Breathe in.

It’s somewhat of a routine you’ve made since getting back from visiting Annie. You’re a regular at this pub now—not even acclimated to the ins and outs of your sleepy college town, and though you don’t know the name of the hall your classes are in, you do know there’s a barstool in the corner of the Inferno with your name on it. There’s something funny about using your father’s gift as a form of fake id, and you wonder if he knows how heavily you indulge in your vices. Five vodka redbulls down the hatch have your knees feeling weak under the alley light until a stranger looms over you like a shadow.

“Those things are gonna kill you one day.”

Breathe out.

“Gods willing,” you laugh, stumbling over your boots and Luke catches you like he was never meant to let you go in the first place. The leather of his jacket is musky and his hair is buzzed.

Either you were wasted or uncaring of who he was (both), you toss him your car keys and climb into the passenger seat. It’s a silent ride to your apartment besides you giving him the directions and Luke wonders how bad he must have hurt you for you to lay out for a stranger and waste away like this. But he’s the farthest thing from a stranger, even in this error in time and you’re still the daughter of the god of wine so after the third time you try to put your key in the lock he helps you because he hopes you’ll let him in.

“Y’know Annie would get a kick out of your haircut. Come inside.”

You’ve always been able to see right through him.

He’s standing in the hallway with his hand around your waist and he’s already broken too many of the titan’s orders by being here, so he scoffs, “You’re not gonna remember this by morning.” But you leave the door open anyway, dragging him by the wrist and your hand still feels the same in his even after all this time. What more is there to resist when there’s not much left of him to lose?

This is the last time, he reminds Kronos, and there are monstrous hands around his brain, but yours are still gently holding his heart. The little part of his soul that hasn’t been eaten away holds on for a bit longer, tethered to your being by the way your hands are tied.

“I can, if you want me to.”

He looks ready for war, and he is— yet you have him following you around the tiny living room almost in a trace as your arms loop around his neck. Luke doesn’t answer. He doesn’t know if you’d want to see him sober, especially when his absence is still fresh for you.

“Baby you look different from the last time we met,” you slur, stepping onto his feet as he takes you for a spin around the coffee table, dancing in the quiet. He’s older than you’ve ever seen him, voice deeper and colder. This is not the boy that ran from you in the forest many months ago. This is a man who’s seen horrors you haven’t lived through yet. You can deduce that he’s the cause of them too.

“So do you. Though still as beautiful as I remember,” he whispers like he’ll get struck for saying it. Your eyes are unfocused as he inspects your face, still soft and young with hope. The titan grips his features now, almost burning through his sense of self—though it’s not tangible he wonders if you could see it.

“I see you all the time. I just… usually have to drink enough to make it feel real. I just miss you.”

He looks pained at your words, and for a moment you wonder if he even heard you. Luke pushes you towards your room, an aura of darkness spreading through him like fire but he relents, pushing past the flames. He’s on borrowed time now, but Luke would gladly waste those minutes tucking you into bed.

Lifting your arms up, he pulls an old shirt of his over your shoulders, and his eyes catch onto the fact that you’re still wearing the dragon scale necklace he made you. Luke digs through your medicine cabinet while you sloppily wash your face and his calloused hands rub serums and moisturizer into your cheeks like how you taught him once upon a time. These are the things he won’t forget. Kronos can take it all away, as long as he gets to keep you. You lean against his chest and shut your eyes, scared that if you open them again he won’t be there.

“You’re not supposed to be here, are you? Are you mine?”

“I’m always going to be yours,” he says with no hesitation, “Four years later, and there is still not one living thing worth losing you,” he says, lips chasing after your fingertips as you trace his jaw. Your eyes flutter in exhaustion, and Luke’s eyes survey your room and he finds traces of you that he’s missed as he rubs your back lovingly like he has all the time in the world.

Your hands cup his face, making him look at you, and he surrenders himself to you as you pull him into a kiss. He’s a ticking time bomb about to detonate in your arms. The warnings that Kronos is beating into his head is nothing compared to the pain of knowing he won’t be with you for much longer. And he kisses you like he could save you from his blaze by doing so, lips and tongue and shattered breath saying I’m here, and this is real. Maybe your worst vice is not being able to wean yourself off the taste of him.

“Tell me what I need to hear. Even if it’s not true…Even if you’re not real,” you say between gasps, and your position on his lap makes him wonder why he’d ever give the world up and burn it down when it’s sitting right here and staring at him with violet eyes.

“It’s always going to be you and me. I’ll love you until the end of my days and then some.”

You laugh in the way that drives him crazy—though he already is, for loving you still. Luke lost all sense of himself when he left camp four years ago. All that remains is you, pushing him so that his back hits the bedspread. He lets you consume what’s left of him, and he’s on fire.

You wake up the next morning with a jolt. It’s still winter, and you’re still alone but despite the chill, you feel warm.

ii. autumn years (with a familiar visitor who finally shows up on time)

Knock, knock.

There’s someone at the door, but your date isn’t supposed to be here for another 10 minutes.

“Babe, someone’s here for you!” your roommate Jo calls out, and you tell her it’s fine to let them in.

The pantyhose clings to the lotion on your thighs and you fix the bracelet on your wrist, stepping out from the bathroom hollering, “You’re early, Kit! Don’t tell me you’re skipping to the good part; I’m a lady i–”

“Who’s Kit?”

Luke’s standing in the doorway of your bedroom and his eyes flit to the reflection of your naked back peeking through the undone zipper of your dress. You look stunning, lips painted red and eyes smoky, but you’re also furious. Too bad he’s always thought you looked extra hot when you’re mad.

“None of your business. As you can see, I don’t exactly have the time for this, Castellan.”

He shrugs, closing the door behind him gently and with the raise of his brow, Luke is leering at you like a teenage boy. Respectfully, of course. The glint of celestial bronze against his hip reminds you who he’s become though.

“I’ll make the time if you say the words, trouble.”

Sighing, you step forward, but then he does that thing again from the last time you saw him out on sea, twisting the crick in his neck like he has to resist your touch.

“You’re still funny. Some old habits die hard I guess,” you scoff, turning and lifting your hair out of the way so that he can zip you up. He opts to not touch you, sliding the dress closed until it fits against your body. You think you can feel his fingers ghost above your skin, and goosebumps rise where he leaves and his breath is warm on the back of your neck.

“Leave your weapons at the door. I run a tight ship, unlike you.”

Gliding away from him while his hands are still in the air, you turn and sit at the edge of your bed, crossing your legs as you nod at him. Luke picks up the pair of heels next to where he sets the sword against the wall, and like it’s nothing out of the sort, he gets on his knees. You offer a foot to him while he speaks, “I could tell by the taser on your bedside table. You’ve killed monsters before, why a taser?”

There’s freckles on his tanned cheeks and he smells like the sun. You wonder what he’s done to come see you tonight.

“I’ve found out that not all monsters are mythical. When…are you?”

His eyes dart away from yours, securing the buckles on your ankles, and his touch sears through the mesh of your pantyhose.

“A few months ahead.”

There’s an eyelash on his nose, and your finger reaches out to touch it, but he flinches away. Face pulling into a frown, you spit, “You never slow down enough to let me catch up with you, huh?”

You can hear the microwave whirring in the kitchen, your roommate none the wiser of the sound of two hearts breaking. The both of you suddenly realize this is the first time you two have been alone (and the same age) since he left camp. There’s a silent question of if it will ever happen again as he gets up from the floor.

“So you’re seeing other people. Must’ve been easy, h—”

You punch him in the face before he finishes speaking, and all he can do is laugh. You would never let him off so easily.

“Fuck you. What, you think you can just hop in here and act like everything’s okay? What do you want, Castellan? For me to grovel at your feet and beg for you to fix what you broke?”

And you’re right, he supposes. This is the closest to peace that you’ll get in this life you’ve created without him. He won’t be able to take you on nice dinner dates like Kit can, or hold your hand without feeling like fate is going to smite him for existing. You scoff at the lack of his response.

“What happens next?”

Luke watches you chew on your lip, and even if he shouldn’t touch you in fear that you’ll will away his reason for defecting, by the gods does he want to.

“What do you mean?” he mutters. The cord of his necklace is tucked into your dress now that he looks closer.

“If I’m right,” you say (and it’s rare that you’re not), “each version of you that comes to see me knows less, and each time I see you I learn more. You were 23 last time. Why didn’t you see me at 22?” You know he won’t have an answer, but this is the only time you’ll be able to ask the real him. The one that’s yours, just a few steps ahead.

“There’s already been a lot that’s happened since I last saw you.”

“Are you going to hurt me?” you offer him, like he hasn’t already. He can feel the bruise blooming on his cheekbone and he grimaces with what he’s about to say.

“Never intentionally. I’ll try not to.”

It sounds stupid coming out of his mouth and you feel stupid with how empty you feel just watching him. He’s made a home of you, choosing moments in time to visit, but when he inevitably leaves, then what? Luke taught you how to be a home, forgetting you exist until it’s convenient and now there are things about yourself that you can’t unlearn yet don’t know what to do with.

Your roommate knocks on your door asking if you want a shot of vodka before your date starts, and Luke is already walking towards it since he’s overstayed his welcome. He raises his sword to open a portal but you shake your head.

“Go out the way you came,” you swallow, fiddling with the copper pendant around your neck, “and take the purple umbrella in the hall. It’s raining outside.”

When you walk into the kitchen moments later, the front door shuts gently and Jo’s sitting at the table with a mouthful of ramen noodles.

“Is he warming up the car? Your date’s hot as fuck, babe,” she grins, steam coating her glasses.

Knock, knock.

Your phone buzzes and there’s another knock at the door. Kit is 15 minutes late.

iii. auld lang syne (ringing in the new year with an old friend, or more)

Your apartment is filled with friends and acquaintances, but who the fuck cares anyway? There’s 10 minutes to midnight and you’re crossed out of your mind. Holding onto a half-empty bottle of prosecco, your heels clomp over to the window in the living room as you crawl onto the fire escape.

Clack, clack.

The air is chilly as you hug yourself, and you hear someone step out onto the stairs behind you.

“What are you doing out here alone?”

You sigh, not even turning to look at him, “What are you doing here, period?”

He takes the bottle of prosecco out of your hands, making you swivel your head to look at him as he takes a big gulp. He’s younger again, and it makes you laugh at how fucked up your luck must be to never be able to see him when you want. It’s always been on Luke’s terms.

“You’re too young to be drinking that,” you drawl, knees bumping against his when he takes a seat next to you. Long Island is quiet at night, and the lack of city lights is nice when you can see the stars so clearly. Music blares through your JBL speaker in the living room, and the sound of cheers gets louder when The Neighborhood starts playing.

“We used to do worse,” he laughs, but something in it sounds hollow. The breeze picks up and you shiver, taking the bottle back from him and swigging it.

“All these visits…you sure do know how to make a girl feel special. But you never come in the summer.”

He clears his throat, before leaning back on his elbows, “ I haven’t gone a summer without you since we were 14.” This Luke doesn’t know what’s ahead of him yet, but you realize that he’s right. Even now, he keeps up the habit of pissing you off and raising hell on Camp Half-Blood every summer. You notice he’s not wearing his camp beads, and he notices you shiver again in the chill.

Clack, clack.

Your heels rattle the metal of the fire escape as you readjust your position. He takes off his jacket to sling it around your shoulders and neither of you realize you’ve missed the countdown until fireworks burst in the sky above you. The red and blue reflect off the planes of his face, but what stands out to you is the orange of his shirt, and you comprehend now where he just came from.

“I had to see you. I didn’t get to say goodbye when I left,” he says, and you take another sip before handing him the bottle to finish off. The only new years’ kiss you’re getting is through the lips that hold the last remaining drops of prosecco.

You nod, remembering it all too well as you both watch the fireworks in silence. He wasn’t able to watch them properly the last time he was with you, Annie, and Percy just a few hours prior.

iv. spring cleaning (only big days are ahead for the both of you)

It’s quiet in your college apartment this morning.

The moving boxes are half-packed and stacked against the wall of the entryway and the smell of freshly brewed coffee in the French press on your kitchen counter permeates the air. Perhaps the idea of caffeine is the last thing on your mind, hands twitching as they smooth over the black polyester of your graduation regalia. There’s a few hours still before the ceremony, but you’ve never liked being unprepared. Pollux is driving your dad down the Island because despite the war you’ll inevitably be fighting in once you cross the stage and get your degree, D specifically told Zeus that he’d wage another if he was made to miss your big day.

Parting your hair to fit under the ugly graduation cap, the tassel swings in front of your face as you grab a few bobby pins from the side table. A golden medallion of Castor’s smiling face almost whips into your cornea and you stifle a laugh. D said in his Iris message last night that all three of them would cheer so loud you’d be able to hear it from Elysium (and honestly, jokes aside—he probably has a way of making that happen). A staggered breath leaves your lungs, and you’re filled with anticipation, though you’re not sure what for.

Time is a thief and you know that too well by now. After all, you’ve spent the past four years running from the truth of your heritage—dodging monsters between study sessions and grief welcoming you every time you come home. Four years later, and who are you trying to fool? While walking across that stage later you might as well take a bow. After all, your ex-boyfriend is the reason why there’s going to be a war of both blood and ichor, mortal and undying and still, you find yourself in the middle of it. You’ve found yourself fielding questions this last semester like dodging celestial bronze, the questions always a little too close to home and the answers you give are too entertaining to be considered the truth.

So, what are your future plans?

Oh no big deal, just going home and dealing with generations-old family drama. If it drives me crazy enough I might enlist!

Gods.

How do you even articulate that these past few years were those future plans? That you didn’t expect to be alive this long, much less have the comfort of feeling secure enough to dream… It’s been years since you’ve had a good dream to work towards with a boy you once knew holding your hand through it all. But the expensive piece of paper you’ll be receiving later feels fake somehow.

Who does that belong to? Surely not you…surely, someone who dreams without bearing the weight that comes with it. Someone who doesn’t have to look over their shoulder everytime they walk to work in the mornings, who can convince children that monsters aren’t real without having to lie. Psychology was a great field to learn from the mortal side of things—to know the reasons why brain chemistry affects us so deeply instead of just willing it away with the touch of your fingers. You like making people feel better. But who can ever do that for you?

A gust of wind sweeps through your room, the multicolored tassels hanging off your neck swaying from the force and you shut your eyes knowing he’s there again. Citrus and musk, and something that’s just him. He knocks over your hamper, cussing under his breath until his eyes follow your motionless figure in front of the mirror.

“Shit. I can explain, um… I thought you’d still be asleep,” Luke sputters, his converse falling into your laundry pile like quicksand. He bends over, stuffing your pajamas and sweatshirts back into the bin with fidgety hands as his eyes take a quick scan of your room. There are no pictures of you and him on the bedside table. For a moment, he wonders what that means but then his cheeks redden when he picks up a pair of your lacy underwear. He shoves that down too.

“Big day today. You know I can’t sleep when I know something is about to happen,” you smile wistfully, and you keep your eyes shut for longer, because like this, it’s almost like he’s actually there in real time. In a world where things went your way, this would be his apartment too, and his clothes would be scattered around your shared bedroom like how they used to back in cabin 12. You always used to put them on The Chair, as he would call it—but Luke’s known to make a mess of your life regardless of your efforts.

“When isn’t there? Something’s always going on when you’re around, trouble.”

Click. Scattered memories flicker in your head like images through a view-finder, spinning through your vision as you hear the sound of his laughter, gently tapping away at your heart again. Click. In the ones you pre-selected, he’s draped in sunlight, honey eyes sweet and kind, and his kisses are perpetual instead of an indulgence. Click. He’s always wearing faded orange, worn-out, but most of all well-loved. Click.

You open your eyes and they meet his own in the mirror. Time stops for once, letting you catch your breath.

Right now, he looks just as you like to remember him, as you knew him four years ago. Multicolored camp beads are resting easily against his broad neck instead of weighing him down, and he’s wearing the red converse his dad gave him. He’s too young, and so in love with you that it blinds him, but even then…now, he knows the look on your face and it makes him ask, “It’s not my first time visiting you is it?”

“You’re usually more discreet, the door right behind me wouldn’t have been your first option. But you’ve never failed to surprise me before. Tell me about your day, Luke.”

A hesitant smile crosses his face as he sheathes Backbiter against his hip, adjusting under the weight like he’s not used to it yet, and then he speaks, “We ate strawberries in the fields today, straight off the vine, but I argued that the ones you conjure will always taste sweeter to me. You smushed one against my face and I carried you home. You?”

You nod, turning around to face a ghost of your past, and the both of you meet in the middle only a hairs distance away as you admire each other.

“I graduate today. Annabeth’s driving up with her boyfriend and the rest of my family is coming to celebrate.”

He doesn’t know of Percy yet, of Chris’ insanity, of your brother’s death, and the immense hurt he’s caused everyone. The smile that lights up his face makes you realize he thinks he's still a part of this—you. And you miss him—even when he’s right here, fuck, you miss all the versions of him that have come to visit, even the ones you don’t know of yet. Tears brim your waterline as you take a deep breath; the last thing you want to do is scare him away.

“This was his promise to me. By showing me something I was sure of—and I always knew you’d graduate and make it big. Wanted to see it for myself, baby,” he grins, tangling his fingers with yours like your strings of fate, and though you know the answer to your next question you still take a chance, just in case.

“If I tell you what’s happened since…you. Would it be too late to change your mind?”

“Trouble, do you want me to? Kronos’ plan is already set in motion. I think…” he swallows, and your vision blurs without your permission as tears start to fall. Through the film over your violet eyes, Luke frowns and pulls your fingertips to his lips, kissing each one. He hasn’t done that in years.

“Did I make a mistake? Do I lose you, in the end?”

“Angelface…” you sniff, leaning your cheek against his hand, “You were so scared of losing me that you didn't even stop to think of what losing you would do to me. I lost you so long ago, Luke. And you’re not mine anymore. I don't think you have been in a long time.” In these heels, your forehead is closer to his lips so he kisses that too, hoping that somehow this time he can will away your pain instead of his. He doesn’t know what to do but hold you until you say something again.

“I’ll tell you something you need to hear. And no matter what you say or think, babe—it’s the truth. Even without all the glory in the world I would still be yours. I still am, even if I can’t bear it.”

Though he’s holding you, it somehow feels like the opposite—a purer version of him in your embrace while he holds the broken pieces of you together with his golden touch. Right now, you look into honey instead of gold. The both of you look at each other in the mirror melded together like kintsugi, something good still shining through the cracks of you two together like this.

The sound of keys jangling in the lock of the front door lifts you from his embrace, and with one look you both know its time for him to go; Luke’s brows furrow as he mutters, “I’m sorry. I’ll fix this, and we’ll be together. I promise.” You nod anyway, hoping at least one of you believe it.

“Go home, Luke. She…I still need you. I’m always gonna.”

He’s already got Backbiter in hand and one foot through time when he looks back at you. Your voice sounds a lot like how it does when you tell him you love him. Luke wonders how long it’s been since you did. Your bedroom door opens with a bang and some laughter.

“Hey troublemaker, you left the dryer on! All your clothes are gonna shrink,” Jo grins, peeking her head through the doorway of your room and she’s looking at you in your graduation gown standing there alone.

“Were you on the phone? Who were you talking to?”

It’s quiet in the apartment again. Your fingernails make indents in your palms, bunching up into fists before you let go. A sad smile crosses your face as you let the settling wind kiss your cheeks, before reality kicks in and everything settles back to how it was before.

“Just someone I used to know.”

—

“And no one can ever figure out what you want, and you won’t tell them, and you realize the one person in the world who loves you isn’t the one you thought it would be, and you don’t trust him to love you in a way you would enjoy.” -Richard Siken

luke taglist (some won't let me tag, turn on my post notifs?)

1/2 luke taglist: @kissingyourgrl @dorcas4meadowes @lorarri @andrewgarfldsgf @noodlesketchbook @10ava01 @poppysrin @ashisabitgay @timhalamet @liv1104 @leeknows-wife @mxtokko@bugcuti3 @luvvfromme @midmourn @2hiigh2cry @yuminako @niktwazny303 @lukecastellandefender @intergalactic-padawan @iliketopgun @annybah @dangelnleif @thegrinningghost @alyssajunelle @obxstiles @m00ng4z3r@visndcaitswhore @b0ok-lover @elegant-face-tree @this-barbie-is-having-breakdowns @amortencjja @idonevenknow1359 @maliaaaa @targaryenluvs @sakyira @dhdjdjjdhsjdiri

#fic rec #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan angst #hi you made me cry #emotionally unstable now #what if i died #what if this was my last straw #what if this was my thirteenth reason why #luke castellan #pjo

586 notes · View notes