#my goal is to finish this before college resumes :')

[chara-55]

Im working on something. Prioritizing this one first, my older wips can wait.

[nixiliv]

REST

Authors Ramble : Hi! This is my first post. This is my first time ever letting anyone read something I've written. I'm nervous, but it's cool. This was written super fast from a random thought trying to go to sleep. Hope you enjoy!

PS: If you have any tips on writing, do share. byyeee

Pairing: Chan x reader

Genre : Fluff

Usually you were the one trying to coax Chan to get some sleep, but for the past month the roles have reversed. Between full-time work and deciding to take some college courses to fluff up your resume for an opening that will soon be coming up in your job, you haven’t been getting to bed before 2 am.

Chan has found you more than once on the couch with laptop in your lap, and your head is leaned back, mouth wide open snoring. You would be so embarrassed if you knew he had seen you like that, but he thinks it's the cutest thing. His baby girl is putting in the extra effort to achieve a goal she has set her mind to. That's one of the things he loved about you, you were determined when you set your mind to something. He could tell though all this hard work was taking a toll on you. You weren’t eating much, you weren’t interested in going out anywhere, and though you always looked good you looked so tired. And not to mention he swears you have had on the same shirt for three days now.

Chan had been coming home unusually early this past week. You noticed, but didn’t think much of it. You were too busy caught up in your studies. It was getting close to midnight and he noticed your head starting to droop. “Babe? Don’t you think we should get some shut eye, yeah?” Chan said, startling you a little out of your light slumber.  “No…no. I’m good. Just stretching my neck”, while showing how you were so-called stretching your neck. “ I finished a quiz and I wanted to get ahead in my other class because work is gonna be a doozy next week.”

Chan doesn’t respond and goes back to what he is doing, but the face he gives you isn’t convinced that you don’t need to call it a night.

The words on your screen are starting to swim together and your eyes are burning. You keep trying to blink the sleep away. One of your telltale signs you are fighting sleep is when you start to fidget, touching your face, rubbing your arms, anything to stimulate your senses. You let out a big yawn with a big stretch, “ I’m thinking another cup of coffee is needed ” you say to yourself. Standing up to head to the kitchen, Chan grabs your wrist as you are about to walk past, “ Oh no you don’t.” he says while standing up to get in front of you. 

“What are you doing? I want to get some coffee.” 

“You don’t need anymore coffee. You need sleep!”

You took slight offense to his response, “ Excuse you. I know you're not the one telling someone they should go to bed. I have important things I need to get done too, just like you do. So move!”

Chan let out a deep breath. He knows that snarky remark all too well, because that has been the way he has responded more than once. It’s just exhaustion. As you were trying to walk through him, he hoisted you up over his shoulder. You began to fight and fuss, “PUT ME DOWN! CHAN NOW!”  You were kicking and punching, thrashing around like a fish out of water. None of your attempts to escape fazed him. In fact he thought it was funny. “Y/N, relax. You are just gonna hurt yourself.”  While you didn’t hurt yourself, he was right about you wearing yourself out. With you still on his shoulder he walked you both into the bathroom and placed you on the toilet. “Let’s get us ready for bed.”

You pouted while brushing teeth and washing face, but after getting out of the tub from your hot bath you were feeling so relaxed. Chan laid out a pair of pajamas for you while he straightened the area in the living room you were studying in. After getting dressed, you snuggle underneath the cool blankets. They smelled of lavender. Your eyes were feeling heavy. 

Moments later you feel the bed move, Chan pulls you close to him on his chest. “Night night baby girl”, Chan whispers with a kiss to your forehead. All you can do is grunt in response and snuggle closer letting the warmth of his body envelop you to sleep.

[preet-01]

Maxiel Political AU

Word Count: 1243

Summary: Max Verstappen only had one goal - to be President. It's all he's wanted since he was just seven years old and all that he's worked towards. But bachelors don't get elected as Presidents, for the most part. Enter Daniel Ricciardo. Daniel's the ideal candidate for the country's most prominent and stressful unpaid job: the President's loving partner, a pretty bauble for the country to fall in love with and look towards. In secret meetings, contracts are signed and a marriage is arranged. Max and Daniel must convince the American people that they are a loving couple and perfect for the White House

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Chapter Two

In the political campaign business, there are certain names that everyone knows regardless of party lines or election levels. Campaign managers, press secretaries, and speechwriters became household names for politicians and politician hopefuls over the years. 

One such name is Sebastian Vettel. 

The German-American from Philly had entered the political scene fresh out of college and had carved out a space for himself. 

From local campaigns to presidential campaigns, he had worked on everything and anything. But his most notable career achievement was approximately four years ago when he was on the Hamilton presidential campaign as the press secretary. 

Now, years later and with many successful campaigns under his belt, Sebastian was looking towards another presidential campaign to put his name on. 

Max Verstappen, by all accounts that Sebastian had heard, was the next big thing after Lewis Hamilton came onto the scene. And by rumors that he’d heard from his contacts, Max Verstappen would be running for President in 2028. 

“You’re barely finished with your first term as a Senator,” Sebastian states when he finally has a meeting with Max Verstappen. The young senator is ambitious, but he does have the results to back it. Though Sebastian would not tell him that just yet, perhaps after they’ve won the presidency. 

“The election is still four years away. Plenty of time for any inexperience to become experience,” Max states. He has no doubts in his abilities. The next few years will be enough for him to fix any shortcomings and build an electable resume for himself. 

“Indeed, I do not doubt that. Your record so far speaks for itself,” Sebastian says, though he seems to be holding back on something. 

“But?” Max inquires. 

“But there are things outside of your work record that will influence your presidential campaign,” Sebastian replies. 

They leave it at that, despite Max wanting to know more about it. Sebastian says it is a matter for a later time, and that he needs to work out some things in the background before it becomes a pressing issue. 

While Max would like to know more about Sebastian’s pressing concerns, he does have committee meetings to go to, and- his train of thought is broken by a text he gets from one of his colleagues. 

S.4398 is going to the courts for constitutional violations 

Plaintiffs hired Ricciardo from Thompson and Lancaster. Should be an easy win 

Max is confused because is he supposed to know who Ricciardo is? There were too many lawyers in the district to know everyone.  

____

“Are you wearing a signet ring?” Oscar questions. When they said that he could get an intern, Daniel assumed that he would get a helpful intern eager to learn and do whatever Daniel needed. He had been like that, taking whatever scraps he could get. Instead, he received Oscar. And while Oscar was very polite at first glance, in Daniel’s opinion the twenty-three-year-old was a menace to society – well mainly to Daniel, but he was society. “Oh god, you’re one of those lawyers,” he groans. 

“It’s a family ring and my grandfather is in town,” Daniel sighs. He hadn’t worn the family signet ring consistently since they’d found out he was a carrier, but his grandfather was in town and he couldn’t get away with it. “Have you filed the McKinley documents?” he asks, changing the conversation from his family to the newest case that Daniel had been chosen as the head lawyer. His record of winning had made it an easy decision for the bosses and plaintiffs.

“Filed them this morning,” Oscar replies, “Vergne was sniffing around about the case when I was filing.” 

“Of course he was. Boss man’s not been very subtle that this case could potentially make me partner,” Daniel sighs. His once close friendship with Jev had suffered with both of them at the same firm and Daniel’s promotion potential being greater than his. He was sad about it, of course, law school would have been hell if it wasn’t for Jev’s friendship. But Daniel wanted to become partner and he’d do whatever was needed to achieve that. 

“We’re meeting with McKinley tomorrow morning, I want you there,” Daniel tells Oscar. Oscar had been his intern for months now, but he hadn’t sat in any of the meetings so far. 

“What?” And for probably the first time, Daniel is able to surprise Oscar. 

“I think you’re ready and it is the next step,” Daniel replies. 

The rest of the day goes by without a hitch. Daniel can avoid seeing his grandfather until it’s time to leave the office. 

His grandfather is waiting for him in front of the building with a town car. “Daniel,” he greets with a nod and motions to the town car. Daniel sighs as he enters the car. All he wanted was to go home and just be a blob in his bed as he contemplated some innocuous decision that he’d made. But when Joseph Ricciardo shows up at your job with a town car, you get in the town car. 

“How was your trip, grandfather?” Daniel inquires. 

“It was adequate,” the older man replies. “I spoke with your friend, the campaign manager,” he says. 

“Sebastian? Why?” Daniel questions. As far as Daniel knows, there was no reason for his grandfather to speak with Sebastian. Daniel knows that his grandfather had gotten acquainted with Seb when Seb worked on the Hamilton campaign the first time around and he endorsed Lewis Hamilton. But since then, as far as Daniel knew, Sebastian hadn’t worked on a campaign that would require an endorsement from his grandfather. 

“He is taking on a new presidential campaign for 28,” Joseph says. “A Senator from New York,” he adds. Daniel knows one of the Senators from New York – John Robbins – they’d gotten coffee a handful of times over the years. He doesn’t think John is a presidential hopeful and he isn’t the type of candidate that Seb likes to work with. No Seb likes younger politicians, not those over the retirement age. 

“Robbins?” 

“No, the other one. Verstappen,” Joseph answers. 

“Verstappen?” Daniel tries to think back to what he knows of the young Senator from New York. Relatively new to the Senate, younger than most of his colleagues, the same party as Lewis, unmarried, and not as established as other 2028 presidential hopefuls. “He’d never win. Not yet anyway,” Daniel says. The voters didn't like unmarried newcomers they barely knew. Politics was a game of strategy and name recognition.

“Hhm, at his present state, he would not win, but should his situation change and he gets more established support, then he does have a strong chance,” Joseph says, handing him a file. “Sebastian compiled a file on him. He will be contacting you soon to discuss a potential, mutually beneficial agreement for both parties involved,” he says. 

Daniel knows what a mutually beneficial agreement means. This wouldn’t be the first time that Daniel had gotten such a file from his grandfather. His cousin’s aspirations were more in line with the videogame industry than politics, so a presidency was far-fetched. Therefore, the attention had returned to getting Daniel hitched to some Senator or Governor who could take the Ricciardo name to the highest office in the country. 

Usually, he ignored them and found one reason or another to deny them. But this was someone that Seb would be working with and that intrigued him. 

He’d meet this Senator Verstappen.

________

I feel iffy about this chapter, but it's a necessary step to get to the first meeting in the next chapter

Updates will be every other week

[ddesfleurs]

It hurts to love you, but I still love you.

chapter 5

summary: He could never truly be hers, she could never live a full and happy life with him and it caused her so much pain as she thought about the life and happiness that was denied to them.

warnings: cheat, angst, anger, melancholy, light smut, mention of sex, fluff

notes: Hey guys. I know it's been a loooong time. I don't even know where to start, so many things happened during the time I spent away from here that I simply couldn't write but I never stopped thinking about this story fondly. I recently logged into my Ao3 and Tumblr accounts, where I publish this story, and I came across several messages, comments and expressions of encouragement and affection coming from those of you who followed and read this story. And this flooded my heart with love and gratitude for you in such a way that I made it my goal to write and publish another chapter of this story after submitting and defending my college graduation thesis. And yes, I basically finished college, I'm going to have my official ceremony in December. So here we are, another chapter of this story that I started a long time ago and that thanks to your encouragement I am resuming it. This is the first time in years that I've written something that isn't academic, so I don't know if you'll like it as much as before, but here it is. Thank you for all the affection. As previously mentioned, English is not my first language. Good reading!!

Grace was sitting on a park bench, she watched people passing by, children running, life happening while taking in some late afternoon sun. The leaves fell slowly from the trees and the wind moved her hair in a very contemplative way, Grace felt life reaching her.

It was the first time she had returned to New York since leaving Michael and it would be a lie to say that she wasn't worried about one of her employees discovering her, but it had been a considerable amount of time since she had left him and honestly she thought that he wouldn't still be after her after all this time, considering he had a wife and now, possibly, three beautiful children.

She missed Michael. Missed his presence, his touches, the hugs, kisses, moments and vows exchanged. She missed everything and everything reminded her of him. Grace looked back and didn't quite know where everything had gone wrong in her life, she assumed that things had started to spiral into disaster after she agreed to be the lover of a married man who is part of the mafia. God knows how much she regretted it, how guilty she felt, how much she wished things weren't like this. But it couldn't have been any different. She loved Michael with all her heart and from the first moment they were together she knew she would be his until the end of her days.

Now that truth had a bitter taste in her mouth. She wished she didn't love him, she wished she hadn't gotten involved with him, she wished she had done everything differently. But, God, how she misses him. There wasn't a day that went by where she didn't think about just going back to him or at least making a call and hearing his voice again.

But Grace couldn't do that. She could never have the man she loves because he was a married man. And that was why she had left him, he could never truly be hers, she could never live a full and happy life with him and it caused her so much pain as she thought about the life and happiness that was denied to them.

When Kay knocked on her door that day it was as if her little fairy tale had come to an end. The woman brought Grace back to reality in the harshest way possible. Breaking the spell of her love story.

Grace knew she was wrong to get involved with Michael, and she knew Kay had every right to be angry with her. But it was still hard to hear her words, the news that she was pregnant with their third child while Grace was denied any possible romantic future and suffered from the knowledge that she would never be the first in Michael's life, that she could never have his children. She would always be his little mistress. His diversion, something to pass the time when he was bored with the routine at home. And what future would she have if she continued in that relationship? She would only hurt herself even more.

It was for these reasons that she decided to leave. Grace decided to move away from Michael, putting an end to their relationship and, consequently, doing the right thing for all those involved in this story.

However, even though it was the right thing, this decision hurt she every day. Every day she thought about Michael and the times they spent together. She remembered in particular a day that remained in her memory, a special memory.

They had gone to the cinema, somehow Michael had managed to get a session for just the two of them. He knew that Grace loved doing any kind of thing with him and he knew that she loved it when he surprised her with romantic gestures and he, in love as he was, made a point of always winning her over every day.

So, he found a way for them to have a real romantic night, all according to the script. Cinema and dinner. And for her it was one of the happiest days of her life.

The film chosen was Rebecca (1940) by Hitchcock, one of her favorites, a little old, but she liked it because she identified a little with the character. For your sweet and naive but at the same time kind way. Identified mainly with the way the protagonist fell madly in love with an older man who had countless secrets that she felt she would never know in their entirety.

Grace watched the film with pleasure, eyes shining with satisfaction not only for the film but also for Michael's romantic gesture, he knew how to please her and these small moments fueled her love for him, creating deep roots in her heart.

As they left the movie theater, Michael said they were going to walk a few blocks to the Italian restaurant for dinner.

"How did you get a movie theater just for us?" She asked as she lightly squeezed his arm, giving him a bright smile.

"You know, I have my tricks." He replied with satisfaction and gave her a wink. "Did you like it?"

"So much, Michael! You don't know how happy I am with you, how much I love all the hours we share. I love you." She finished with a sigh, as if the last statement was a confession.

He stopped walking and turned her to face him, looking deep into her beautiful eyes. Michael passed his hand over Grace's face, a gentle caress that sent the feeling of love and tenderness straight to her heart.

"Gosh, I really adore you, Grace. You are the light of my life." He said softly as he looked at her as if Grace was the most precious thing in the world, and somewhat of a coward for not having the courage to tell her he loved her.

She responded by pulling him for a shy kiss there, in the middle of the street, but nothing mattered to her, just her love and how she felt when she was with Michael.

He returned the kiss eagerly, holding her waist and neck. The two separated smiling, they didn't want to cause a scene on the street. They continued the short path towards the restaurant like two young people in love, as if there was no consequences behind their actions, as if they were free to love each other as they wanted to be.

Grace smiled as she recalled this memory. How she missed Michael, his kisses, his words, his smell, just everything about him. Another memory invaded her mind as she looked at her friends sitting on the picnic blanket while playing with little John.

They were in their apartment having a calm and slow day as they cuddled each other and played games like chess. Grace wasn't very interested in it but Michael liked it and for him she tried to be a good opponent. Obviously she always ended up losing the matches, but that didn't matter to her, she liked doing anything with him.

After losing another game, Grace stood up in a huff and said, half jokingly, as if she were angry:

"This is the last time we play chess. It's impossible to beat you! I'm already upset from losing so much." She said with a huff as she rolled her eyes and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

"You just need to pay more attention, honey. It's not that hard." Michael said as he got up and went to meet her, finding it very funny the childish way she got angry and rolled her eyes when she lost.

"Mike, could you let me win for once." She said pouting.

"That's not fair." He said laughing, "You're such a bad loser, honey."

"Just like you!" Grace stuck her tongue out at Michael, making a face that he found particularly adorable.

He approached her as she leaned back against the counter.

"I love your way, you know? I love the way you make me feel lighter and happier. I love the way you make me smile. I love the way you act with me, our jokes, our moments we share. " He said and pulled her into an eager hug, tightening his arms around her. "I don't want to lose you. Grace, you are the light of my life."

Michael nuzzled his nose around Grace's neck and then kissed her eagerly, as if he was afraid she would disappear in the blink of an eye when she was right there in front of him.

Grace woke up from her memories with the voices of Nancy and Carolyn calling her. She looked at her friends and that very cute little baby and gave a beautiful smile, trying to sweep the memories out of her mind and focus on the present while not knowing what was in store for her future.

She got up from the bench and went to sit with her friends on the towel where they played with John. Grace approached the baby who gave her a cute smile, still without teeth. Picking him up, she rocked him close to her, thinking about how children are innocent and very cute little human beings.

"He adores me." She said to her friends as she gave a smile and bounced John lightly in her arms. 

"Of course he does, he already knows who will spoil him for the rest of his life." Nancy said, taking the toy dinosaur from John and placing it in front of the baby.

"He's really adorable." Carolyn stated looking at Nancy with a smile on her lips and then observing Grace with the baby in her lap.

From afar, still in the park, Michael watched them without believing that he was just a few steps away from Grace and his son in her arms. The son he didn't even know existed until recently.

Michael was frozen watching the scene: you with the baby on your lap, laughing while talking to your friends, the wind gently hitting you resulting in your hair being a little disheveled. He felt so many things when he saw Grace, even from afar, that he couldn't take action. Soon he, who had always been a man of actions, was paralyzed in front of the scene he was watching.

Seeing her after so long apart reignited the pain of his loss. Seeing her there with her baby broke his heart, the prospect that she didn't feel confident telling him she was pregnant. It was all his fault. He who had been weak in not having had the courage to face reality. For not admitting to himself that his marriage had ended a long time ago, for not getting divorced, for not staying with Grace, the woman he loved.

But now, looking at her and the baby, he was determined to win back her love. And not only that: he wanted a family with her, his son, Mary and Anthony. He wanted to prove to Grace that he was capable of fixing everything and giving her the life she deserved, a happy family.

[akocomyk]

It just dawned on me that the last time I blogged about my current life was back in January—my birthday post.

And aside from the usual answers to anonymous questions, I haven't really posted much.

So... Here's another occasional bulleted list of life updates.

I've been jogging regularly since the year started. You may have caught this back in my birthday blog because Gerald gave me face towels as a gift. I've been meaning to do this since December but I couldn't do so because I was adamant in completing the nine days of Misa de Gallo.

When I jog, I wake up at around past 5 in the morning, and then walk/jog for 5 kilometers in forty-five minutes or so. I started with an average pace of 11'14/km, and I just got my fastest pace earlier with 8'18''/km.

I haven't finished reading any book and February's almost done. I'm starting to get scared I won't reach my reading goal again this year.

I'm still undergoing physical therapy, though not as frequent as before. Now, I only have sessions once every other week.

Mel, JK, Annie, and I reported to the office last Thursday. Annie brought us their family's signature tikoy-turon.

There's a steady progress at work in the past two weeks. Compared to last December, I'm getting more tasks now.

Gerald and I didn't go on a date last Valentine's, but I did sing to him until we're both very sleepy.

We've been trying to have another e-numan session—with my friends Monica and Trish. It's just... we still can't find the right time to do so.

I've been also trying to schedule a date with the other former editors-in-chief of my college newspaper. Also unsuccessful, as of this writing.

Speaking of being an editor-in-chief, I kinda want to write some deep opinion writing some time—like those I did back in my campus journalist days. And I also plan on resuming my caricature project. I had a very small progress this year with the one next in line, but it's still far from done.

I'm thinking about organizing my blog. I mean... just adding tags on the past posts so that readers can have easy access on related blog posts. I don't have the habit of adding tags—not unless I do so intentionally. Then I would have a post I'd pin on the top of my blog as an introduction. I'd also create avatars and write short backgrounds for the most common people I mention on this blog.

I think... That's it for now.

[hayleymedbil]

Leading Schools for Billing and Coding: Fast-Track Your Career in Healthcare Today!

Top Schools for Billing and⁤ Coding: Fast-Track Your Career in Healthcare Today!

​ Are you looking‍ to jumpstart your career in the booming healthcare industry? Medical billing and coding is‍ one of the fastest-growing fields, offering job ⁤stability, competitive salaries, and the opportunity to ‌make a difference in people’s lives. In this article, we will explore the top schools for billing and​ coding that can help you fast-track your career.

The Importance⁤ of Medical Billing and Coding

‍ ⁢ ⁣ ⁤Medical billing and coding professionals play a crucial ⁣role⁣ in the healthcare system​ by ensuring accurate patient data entry and reimbursement from insurance companies. With the increasing reliance on technology and electronic health‍ records, the demand ‍for‍ qualified billing and coding specialists continues ⁣to rise.

Benefits of Pursuing ​a Career in Billing ‌and Coding

Job Security: The healthcare industry is consistently growing, ensuring a steady demand for billing‍ and coding professionals.

Flexible Hours: Many positions⁣ offer flexible schedules, allowing for a better work-life balance.

Competitive Salaries: Entry-level salaries in this field are above average compared to similar roles in other sectors.

Work from⁣ Home Options: Many billing and coding jobs can be performed remotely, providing added convenience.

Short Training Programs: Most schools offer fast-track programs, enabling ‍you to start your career in less than a year.

Top Schools ⁣for ⁣Billing and Coding

School Name

Location

Program Duration

Accreditation

Penn Foster College

Online

9 months

DEAC

Southern Careers Institute

Texas

12 ⁤months

ACCSC

Texas State Technical College

Texas

1 year

SACSCOC

University of Phoenix

Online

9 months

HLC

Herzing University

Online ‍& Multiple‍ Locations

10 months

ACCREDITATION COUNCIL FOR ⁢BUSINESS SCHOOLS AND PROGRAMS

1. Penn Foster College

Penn Foster College offers a comprehensive online billing and coding program that can be completed in as little as nine months. The curriculum covers essential topics such as medical terminology, health ‌information systems, and ​billing processes.

2. Southern Careers Institute

Located in Texas, Southern Careers Institute provides an intensive 12-month program that prepares students for a variety of billing and coding roles. The school’s hands-on approach⁣ helps students ⁤gain practical experience.

3. Texas State Technical College

This college offers a 1-year diploma in‍ medical‌ coding​ that is tailored⁤ to meet the industry’s ⁣standards. Students⁤ benefit from ⁤small class sizes and personalized instruction.

4. University of Phoenix

With a flexible online format, the University of Phoenix allows students to⁤ complete their ​billing and coding program in as little as⁢ nine months. The ​program is designed for working professionals.

5. Herzing University

Herzing ⁤University’s diploma ⁤in medical billing and coding can be finished in about ten months. The program ⁣includes internship opportunities, giving ‍students valuable experience before graduation.

Practical ‍Tips ‌for Success in Billing and Coding Programs

Choose the Right School: Research schools thoroughly to find a program that fits ⁢your needs and career goals.

Network: Join professional organizations and attend industry events to meet potential employers ‍and expand your⁢ network.

Stay Current: The medical field is always evolving. Stay updated with the ⁢latest coding guidelines, technologies, and ​healthcare laws.

Get Certified: While not always required, ⁢obtaining certification can significantly enhance ​your job prospects and earning potential.

Gain Experience: Look for ⁤internship or volunteer opportunities to build your resume and gain hands-on experience.

First-Hand Experience: A Success Story

⁤ Emily⁢ Martinez, a recent graduate from Herzing University, shares her journey: “Completing my billing and coding diploma was challenging yet rewarding. The hands-on‍ training and support from my instructors made all the difference. Within just a few months of graduation, I secured a position at a local hospital and I couldn’t ⁢be happier with ⁢my career choice!”

Conclusion

‍ Pursuing a career in medical billing and ⁤coding can‌ be your ticket to ⁤a fulfilling and stable future. With⁣ a variety of ‌top schools offering fast-track programs, you can be well on your way to making a positive impact in the healthcare industry. Whether you‍ choose an online or in-person program, remember that your commitment and passion for the field will⁣ ultimately define your success. Start ⁢today and transform your future with a career in medical billing and coding!

https://medicalcodingandbillingclasses.net/leading-schools-for-billing-and-coding-fast-track-your-career-in-healthcare-today/

[thepolymathexcuse]

Weeklies: Onwards

Good day, learners!

First of all, this will be our new schedule for posting a "Weeklies" entry, since we've decided to make Tuesday our "creation day." I'll explain more of our ideal week in future articles.

Just like last week, we progressed with multiple areas of learning, while still maintaining a balance of productivity, rest, and play. I don't know what's happening but I think balance is becoming more of a mainstay in our life since we started our journey to becoming a polymath—the balance between having the power to learn anything and the acceptance of our limited time to do such a feat. 

The BF Project

Last week was the beginning of another one of our projects, the so-called BF Project or Building the Foundations Project, where we build a self-learning curriculum to re-learn foundational knowledge and learn new ones that will help us in our future endeavors. This will become our "more formal" approach to learning.

We started with an online course from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology OpenCourseWare (MIT OCW, for short) called 18.01SC or Single-Variable Calculus. [1] This is our first foundational course where we re-learn the concepts of college mathematics as a preparatory step for our future pursuit of graduate studies. Of course, this journey is supplemented by various books and online worksheets for their practice problems.

We also started taking the Google Certificate Course on Project Management from their YouTube channel. [2] The certificate will have to come for later, since we currently cannot afford it.

Finally, as part of this project, we conducted our first weekly review and evaluation during the weekend, where we identified our wins and hurdles. With this, we were able to come up with evidence-based solutions in order to improve our learning journey.

Other personal projects

Another one of our projects allowed us to dig deeper into the origins of the concept of curiosity and we've finished one paper detailing the philosophical origins of this virtue. We finished a paper on its philosophical background [3] and we’re currently reading how a curious mind develops in a psychological manner [4]. 

The novel I started reading last September was still a few pages to completion (a hundred or so). This shows how slow of a reader I actually am. Nonetheless, we learned a lot about the character of Lewis Benedikt as his past slowly unfolded. From this, we learned the connections of faith and spiderwebs, as well as a critical understanding of the different elements that had been building up to the present-day character of Mr. Benedikt. It's just a hunch, but this barrage of information about Lewis might signal the end of this character's journey within the novel. His death should be expected at this moment, since it was foreshadowed in the earlier chapters; it was, after all, a "ghost story."

Another one of our newly-undertaken projects was the establishment of a financial tracker, which is our first step to being financially literate. This will, in turn, lead to wiser financial decisions. I tried this before, but to no avail, because I was too focused on "goals" when a system is all I really need. We strengthened our existing knowledge on budgeting and investments, but it's still a long way to go. We can only hope for the best.

My continuous search for jobs led me to multiple career options, but ultimately, while building my resume for one of the positions I'm applying for, I realized that I should be applying to roles which are closer to my previous experiences. Again, this is not a novel idea. I was just so focused on the career shift that I completely ignored my previous employment and academic background. This realization came from multiple rejections from roles I wasn't really knowledgeable about. There's still a lot to learn with this journey, but again, I'm hoping that the breakthrough might already be close.

We also made progress in writing for our digital product. I can't wait to get this out on my set deadline!

Finally, our project on Scripture reading led us to the most profound, and most of the times confusing, realizations about faith and spirituality. This undertaking continues to enrich our humility, and I would definitely keep this project in the longer run until the habit sticks.

Media consumption

Here are some of the notable social media content we encountered this past week:

A Kurzgesagt feature on weed detailing the latest evidence on its long-term effects and responsible use;

A FEATR video of a non-profit organization in Siargao island called Lokal Lab, that aims to bridge the gap between the island's farmers and the market which caters to its tourists;

A Facebook group on UI/UX developers that arouses my interest in the field;

This newly discovered species of wild berries atop the highest Philippine summit;

Free online learning resources for the Geographic Information System;

Tons of lessons on bridging policy and science from the featured scientist Ms. Cathy Manalo and her NGO Ulirat PH focused on counter mapping and human rights in the Pinoy Scientists IG and Facebook page;

The different laboratories from UP Diliman's National Institute of Geological Sciences, the nation's leading center for studying earth processes;

An IG reel that implies what it must feel like to enter a chapter in your life after a difficult season;

Another IG reel that highlights a research study of how uncreative thinking is learned as we grow older, and that we're all actually born creative geniuses;

Multiple subreddits that account methods of how we can help as individuals in combating climate change and if it's too late, help mitigate its effects and adapt to its impacts.

We also spent a lot of time reconnecting with family members, my friends, and my pets. Most importantly, we spent a lot of time getting intimate with nature through our quiet, barefoot afternoon wind-downs and study breaks. We also listened to a lot of new music, and I can't wait to write about some of them soon! It's not a promise, though.

Again, that was a lot of words for a single week. Although there are moments where we feel like we might not be going anywhere, this weekly accounting of what we're doing helps in giving us vision on the necessary steps closer to a life we aspire to have. 

Thanks for keeping up with us, and as always, keep wandering and chase what excites you.

[diaryofawhimsicalmaniac]

September 1st, 2024 [2:34 AM]

A friend had asked for my help with her resume. I had many friends resumes before, and frankly I enjoy the editing process. I know how to bullshit and make things sound fancy like I know what I'm talking about. Not lying on paper but certain words can make someone stand out and really highlight their experience and skills. I'm better at doing that for people than for myself. I have a solid friend group at this stage of my life and I am confident in their skills and capabilities. I want nothing more for them to shine and pursue the life they desire for themselves. I'm so happy to know such amazing and loving people...and more importantly I'm grateful for having these people who love me whole heartly and truly support me. Even despite my annoyances and flaws, they know who I am and how I operate.

When my friend sent me an old copy of her resume, I simply downloaded it and when I got the chance to work on after work. I just finished it now and when I was going to send, I actually read her previous email, and it stated that she needed it that night...which was yesterday. Whoops. I sent it to her anyways because regardless I know she could use the new revised resume. For a moment I felt bad that I didn't read her email correctly however I know that there was only so much I could do on my own time. Homegirl and I talked about me helping her a week or so prior... but we tend to both leave things to the last minute. One of the many quirks we share and have a mutual understanding about each other. In the past, I would have been guilt ridden...beating myself up for not doing all that I could have for a friend. Overlooking their responsibility in their own matter and shouldering the blame. Or the worst part...younger me possibly wouldn't have even followed thru to help at all...I would have been in my mind, not acknowledge my capabilities and panic about not doing things correctly and face rejection...so instead of trying and put my best efforts forward, I would have ignored the texts and situation all together. Pretend I never got the message...

I would let my insecurities get the best of me and out of stress, I would detached myself. I did this often when I was younger...it didn't make me a good friend or reliable person..

I was highly aware of this

it torn me apart

I was reminded of all these feeling when I was helping my friend. We had we worked together on her resume a few years before, and I had just came across a saved copy recently on my computer! So I had looked thru several thumb drives and folders to find it. Came across files that I had saved from college when I was 19/20 years old. Photography and Philosophy essays, word docs with links to YouTube videos and Tumblr pages that don't exist anymore. Fanfiction idea pages. Still pretty solid story ideas if I do say so myself. Among these docs were journal entries that I wrote to myself...some were reflections of the year and what I did, what goals I didn't reach for myself or even where I had traveled to that year. It was such a time capsule to see where I was at that time and what I doing...or how I was feeling...

There was one file in particular that was rather...I don't know how I would categorize it...Sad? Concerning? Insightful??

Eye Opening and Depressing for sure tho...

It was a letter I wrote to myself when I was 20. I forgot how much I hated myself...how unhappy with the person I was. The language I used towards myself really reflected how much pain I was in...I had this grand vision of the type of person I wanted to be however my insecurities and coping mechanisms were playing their part in my self-sabotage. I was disgusted with what I saw in the mirror and was no near of the type of person I wanted to be... When I talk about my early 20's, I refer it to a dark time of my life...a period of being stagnant and unhappy. Heavy shit...my mental now is lighter in comparison to how I was back then.

Perseverance, Boundaries, Faith, Good Friends and Weed really does make a difference.

Currently, I am 30 years old.

I am happy with the person I've become. I still have a version of myself in my head that I make comparisons to but I'm better at reminding myself to enjoy the person that currently exists. It helps that I have my friends who I tend to and they in return tend to me. Healthy boundaries with myself and others and acceptance for my flaws and the motivation to continue to grow and thrive. I don't wish to live my life in dread anymore, I'm living my life and I am here to enjoy the journey for as long as I'm able to.

I hope my friend gets that job she wants. Her resume is quite impressive...if I do say so myself

.

[cmccormickarts346]

(ARTS246) Ch. 9: Typography in Time + Motion & Project #3 - Process Book

I spent this week finalizing my submission for the UCDA Poster Competition and starting the final project for Typography II, the Process Book. I can't believe that this semester is almost over! It went by too quickly, and I appreciate how this class has allowed me to experiment with typography. Typography I was mainly about learning more about Adobe software and being introduced to the fundamental principles of typography. Even though that class was challenging, I am grateful for the challenges because they helped me grow in my work in Typography II. The software and tools became easier to work with, especially Illustrator. Typography II and Illustration II have taught me how to use many tools in Illustrator, mainly the pen tool. Are my designs perfect? No, of course not. I am still a student, and I have a lot to learn. However, I am grateful for the opportunities this class has given me to express myself through my typographic work.

This week, I finalized my submission for the UCDA Poster Competition. I had never considered submitting my work to competitions before, mostly because I felt intimidated and compared my work to others. However, after hearing Professor Valdes speak about the value of submitting work, I wish I had participated in competitions earlier. Competitions provide opportunities for exposure and networking, which can be especially helpful in starting a career after college. Winning awards can also enhance a resume and lead to even more exposure. While I wish I had learned about the benefits of competition during my first or second year of college, I am grateful to have this information now. I am excited to participate in the UCDA poster competition and look forward to submitting work in future competitions.

This week, we discussed the final project for my design course - the Process Book. This book aims to showcase my work in Typography I and II. Although I was disappointed that only typographic work could be submitted, I understand this is a typography class, not an illustration course. I decided to plan which projects I would showcase in the process book. Upon reviewing my work from Typographic Design I, I plan to redo two projects - my flowering type and three grid series, as they were the weakest in craftsmanship and line art. Even though I won't be submitting this process book to the GD+I program (since I was accepted into the program last Spring), I want it to reflect my current skillset as a graphic designer. I've grown since I completed those projects. It might be a lot of work, but I want this book to reflect me as a designer. Next week, I plan to watch tutorials on how to use Blurb, create a mood board for the look and feel of my process book, create thumbnail drafts for each spread of my book, start creating my first draft layouts in InDesign, and print them in black and white through the DPL at McMaster College. But my biggest goal for this process book is to make type the hero, as it's a typography class. This project will be a lot of work, but it'll be worth it once I have a finished physical book to show my future employer!

This week's chapter delved into typography's role in time and motion. Initially, this concept was strange, as I had never associated typography with movement. However, upon further reflection, I realized that many lyrical music videos, such as the one created for Billy Joel's "Turn the Lights Back On," incorporate numerous typographic elements that are constantly in motion and interact with the visuals. It's incredible how the artists brought the lyrics and physical type to life. It's a fascinating concept!

The textbook contains various examples of motion and type without physical motion. One such example is "Interventionist Demonstration" by Carlo Carrà, which showcases motion in type without physical motion. Instead, the type is collaged in a pattern, guiding the audience's eyes to the middle, creating a sense of movement without actually moving. Structural and hierarchical principles are taken into consideration when combining type and motion. The placement of the type is intentional in considering the physical structure of the lettering, along with the visual hierarchy of the elements on the page. Lyric music videos are a great example of this concept, where the type is a component meant to capture the emotion of the lyric while also complimenting the visuals. For instance, in Taylor Swift's "Look What You Made Me Do" lyric video, the type serves as a physical visual component while also portraying the mood and feeling the lyrics are trying to convey. The type in the first few seconds represents the chess pieces, spelling out, "I don't like your little games." It's a well-done video that portrays type and motion in a fascinating and fun way!

[gay-for-the-snz]

Interview (M, allergy)

After one billion years (actually a bit over a year, it seems!) I am finally finished with a lil something that also introduces a recurring character who's already in another couple WIPs that were being picked at concurrently! Meet Joseph's TA, Monty!

⁂

The door to the office is shut firmly, the sign-up sheet for office hours conspicuously turned backward to face the wall. No visitors, is the clear message it sends, but he glances at his phone again to double check the time. 2:27.

His email said their appointment is at 2:30, but already he's been sitting here staring stupidly at the door for over fifteen minutes. Just go knock! But it doesn't feel that simple. Dr. Valentine is a man who is precise in everything he does. Showing up before the appointed time feels just as dangerous as showing up late--he was given a time, he needs to abide by it. 2:28.

Monty fiddles with his resume, contained safely within a plastic sleeve and safe from the crinkling every other paper in his possession has fallen victim to--a nervous habit, really, one he ought to try and overcome--but for now it's just him and this resume waiting in an otherwise empty hallway across from the office of one of the most universally disliked professors the college has to offer. And it's not that he thinks he's a bad professor, or, he thinks, even a bad person, really--why would he apply for a job with someone who was just plain unkind?--but he's...blunt. Direct. Someone his ma would say had 'the same social grace God gave a leech'. 2:29.

He finally works up the nerve to approach the door, and the millisecond before his fist collides with it, it swings open in front of him to reveal the grim man, backlit by the afternoon sun in a manner that reminds him of the chiaroscuro of horror movies. Monty recoils, awkwardly holds his hand with his other one to occupy it. The clock on the wall displays the time. 2:30.

"Dr. Valentine!"

"Mr. Cavanaugh."

"You uhm--you startled me, sorry." He didn't expect him to be...right there.

The doctor stands directly in the doorway, looking at him for an overly long few seconds before stepping aside and granting him entry to the office. "Come in. Your interview will begin momentarily."

Despite the fact that he has several inches on the doctor, Monty finds himself feeling like that's far from the case, but he follows him in nonetheless.

He's only been in the office once before this, and after taking his seat he allows his eyes to wander a little while Dr. Valentine pulls up paperwork on his computer. The room is plainly unremarkable, save for the scarce personal elements.

A row of Polaroids and printed digital photos are carefully tacked up across the bottom of one of the cabinets, several depicting a young man and woman, occasionally alone but often together. He makes a note to look more closely later when it won't seem rude. The only thing truly of note in the room is that his desk chair--an ancient thing, judging by the way it creaks--is topped with an antimacassar, which he doesn't think he's ever seen outside the houses of women in their 90s, all trimmed in lace and carefully set just so. And God knows the man needs it--he doesn't know how much pomade the doctor uses, but his hair is slick and shiny and the way it's combed back is neat and tidy to an almost uncanny degree.

"Alright, let's begin." Dr. Valentine takes the protected papers from their sleeve and thumbs through them. "Theodore Montgomery Cavanaugh." He enunciates each name clearly and separately, glancing over the paper at him before looking back down. "You took one of my classes two quarters ago. Passed with a 3.8--quite respectable--and a relatively good GPA overall at a 3.78. Below average for an Ivy school, but you've got time to bring it up if that's your goal." The papers are set aside, and in their place he grabs a clipboard. "Why do you want this job? What is your goal?"

There is no sense in lying, so he doesn't. "I think it would be an incredible opportunity for me to advance my skills by working with someone who's accomplished and well respected in the community, and it looks good on a resume to have done so. When I've completed my courses here, I want the best chance I can get to be accepted when I try and transfer somewhere else."

Dr. Valentine doesn't comment, he just writes a note on his clipboard with an appraising "hm" and continues. "Next question: what is your biggest weakness in the workplace?"

"I'm extremely detail oriented, and it occasionally leads me to--"

The man clicks his tongue in disapproval, underlining something he had written before setting down his notes and leaning forward in his chair to steeple his hands on the desktop. "You were so honest on the last question, Mr. Cavanaugh, why not on this one? You'll force me to have to list 'liar' beneath weaknesses." He clicks his pen a few times thoughtfully, leaning back somewhat in his chair and giving him a bit of space to answer without being so close. "I am not the unpaid intern in Human Resources who will throw out any application that doesn't have the standard buzzwords. We're having a conversation, you will answer me like it's one. Try again."

He clears his throat, adjusting his glasses out of nervous habit before trusting himself to speak again. "I'm a horrible public speaker, I can't stand the thought of having to present to others with all of the attention on me, and I've often deferred to other classmates to bear that part of it. I'm much more comfortable to be in the background than to be on the centerstage."

"See? Honesty isn't so difficult now, is it?" Dr. Valentine's expression wears a thin smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes, and there is little else about him that indicates he is pleased with this answer. He picks his clipboard back up, scribbling something onto it before ending with a sharp jab of a period. "Now, why shouldn't that stop me from hiring you? After all, a TA would be required to do presentations on occasion, and many professors expect you to be leading lectures on your own." The unspoken part is 'not me, of course, but others'.

"Because you're not a professor who is one to shunt his work onto others. I've watched you with other TAs, and you never once had one of them behind the lectern. I do excellent otherwise, and my weakness is in an area where you wouldn't want to be utilizing me anyway."

The professor smirks somewhat as he writes. "You pay attention. An important trait for any assistant." His expression wavers somewhat, and he gives an irritated sniff before plucking a tissue from the box on the corner of his desk and giving his nose a vigorous rub. "You are unlikely to be thrust directly into the spotlight, you will be eased into it, but I would be doing you, as well as myself, a disservice in not properly equipping you to handle all potential aspects of your job, including leading a class. I would never leave you without thorough and extensive notes, and would ensure I was in the room with you to answer questions or assist you in another manner, so you can be assured you wouldn't be left with no resources or backup. Would these accommodations be acceptable?"

It's the first time he feels like he's actually breathed this whole interview. Monty lets his posture relax somewhat, adjusting his glasses briefly to occupy his hands. "I could make that work, yes."

"This is no promise of a job, you understand. We still need to run through the rest of our interview."

"Of course, I understand."

"Good. Next question: do you own a dog?"

The question strikes him so by surprise he's sure it comes across on his face. "Do I own a dog?"

"I need a teacher's assistant, not a parrot. Yes, that is what I asked. If you want to continue this interview, I suggest you answer the question."

"I do, yeah. A German Shepherd named Dolly."

He sniffs sharply as he makes a mark on the paper. "Noted. The pay for this position was listed when you applied. I'm aware it isn't the most illustrious, but there is an opportunity for negotiation on this after your first month, if you've proven yourself to be deserving of it. Will that be an issue?"

"No. It's actually more than I make at my other job, so this would let me drop the hours on that somewhat and let me focus more on this." He bites back the urge to ask what the question about his dog was about, if not to simply throw him off his game, which he's heard is something the doctor frequently does. "That shouldn't interfere with my time here, though, I'm available during your office hours and my schedule is mostly clear during your class days this coming quarter, so I can work that around whatever my course load and hours here end up."

"That takes care of my question for later, then. Now, you've taken my class before, and you've--hold on." He cuts himself off, holds up an index finger as he turns away with a wavering breath. His shoulder rise sharply as he gasps, then ducks into his elbow. "hH'RRRASHue! 'RRISH'ue!" He sneezes violently, holding his position for a second longer than strictly necessary before he lowers his arm with a sniff and plucks a pair of tissues from the box to blow his nose into. "Excuse me." He sniffs sharply again and squirts some sanitizer into his palm.

"Bless you, Doctor!"

He ignores the blessing, picking up where he left instead. "As I was saying, you've taken my classes before. You know my teaching style, and by extension, me. Are you willing to compliment this, rather than attempt to change it?"

"I am. You're very straightforward and efficient, and I think with my assistance the technological aspects would be smoother. The fiddly background bits are where I really shine."

"Are you adaptable enough to shine with whatever technology and systems it may be that the University has deemed itself willing to shill?"

"If not, I'm more than willing to spend the time watching videos or listening to hold music for the customer support." His eyes are locked on the doctor as he swipes at his nose with the tissues again with an irritated scowl. "Are you--"

Dr. Valentine cuts him off with a gasp that goes nowhere, leaving him blinking away moisture that isn't quite far enough to consider tears just yet, but whatever it is that's bothering him seems to be worming its way deeper, spreading from simply a pair of sneezes into watery eyes and nostrils that are just barely damp and pink as he sniffs again. "Customer Support is an oxymoron. If I can consign someone else to its flames, I will be all the happier for it."

"I've spent my fair share of time sitting with nothing but the Muzak and my thoughts."

"Then you're inoculated against the worst part of learning these new programs." He glances at his wristwatch, and Monty glances over his shoulder at the clock on the wall. 3:13.

"I'd say I am."

"So," he plucks another pair of tissues and swipes again at nostrils rapidly beginning to darken from a shade of pink to a shade of red, the sniffling taking on a decidedly wet sound as it progresses, "there is one other important point of your job that we need to discuss. You will, from time to time, be required to discipline your fellow students. I don't expect you to come at them with a rod, but I do expect that, when it is your time to present a lesson, you keep order in my classroom."

"What would that look like for me as a TA? Would you grant me the same authority to deduct points from exams, or to have them leave the lecture for disruption?"

"I'm not deputizing you to be Machiavelli, but I will take your input under advisement, and support your decisions regarding discipline. You may consider me your instrument of authority in the moments in which it has been ceded to you." He sniffs sharply, and once again extends an index finger with a wavering breath, before he curls into his elbow with an absolutely wrenching, "hAH-! 'RRRSH! RRASH'ue!" and another overly liquidy sniffle that sees him turning his chair away completely to blow his nose forcefully against the mounting congestion. He turns back after he seems somewhat satisfied, though it's growing more evident that the satisfaction won't last long. He looks, to put it mildly, fucking miserable

The idea of disciplining other students still doesn't sound appetizing, but he wants the job, and there's not really any way around it. "I don't like the idea, but I do feel more confident knowing I would have your backing."

The doctor scribbles something on the paperwork, flipping to another page of it. "That concludes my questions for you. Do you have any questions for me?" Red-rimmed eyes, nearly the same color as the nose that threatens to betray him again, look up from his clipboard, shiny with unspent tears held in check by whatever is in his system.

"Are you, uh...allergic to dogs?"

The look he gives him is one that starts off giving little away, before his brows pinch together and he mutters something hurriedly beneath his breath, turns his chair away--again--and sneezes--again. "hH'RRRSHuh!" He looks unsure of himself for a second, the tissues still pressed over his nose, before he finally sighs and progresses from the threat of another sneeze to a harsh sniff, a steadily less efficient attempt at blowing his nose, and a second harsh sniff before he turns back. "I am. Which brings us to my next point. Congratulations, you've got the position."

"Oh! That's gre--"

"On one condition." He stands from his chair and leans forward across the desk to bring them closer to one another. "You will keep a change of clothes here, or in your car, or on Pluto if that's what it takes, or you will shower every single day before you come here, but you will not wear anything into this office again that is covered in dander. I don't intend to medicate for allergies year-round, and this is my office more than it will be yours. Are you amenable to this? It will be added to your paperwork as stipulation."

"I, uh--yes. I can make that work. Yes."

"Excellent. Then sign here, and get ye gone."

⁂

He emerges several minutes later from the office, the sound of yet another sneeze following him out before the door closes behind him. He instinctively skitters further down the hall, away from the office, before pulling his phone out and dialing his sister's number.

"Hello?"

"Annie." He breathes a sigh of relief at her voice, and leans his head against the window pane. Students are scurrying like ants down below on the paved brick. "I just wanted to check in with you."

"Well, you know how it is on Tuesdays." She doesn't elaborate on what that actually means, and even through the crackle of the phone line and the conversations in the background, he can practically hear the frown in her voice. "Today was your interview, right? Did it...?"

"It went well. Really well, actually, I got the position."

"That's fantastic! You were applying to TA, right?"

"I was! Or I--I guess I am, now. There's just--uh, well there's one thing about it, I guess. It's for--do you remember that professor I told you about a couple quarters ago?"

"Oh, T..."

He winces at her tone. "Yeah. It's --... yeah. Uh, it's him. The interview went well and all--I mean, I got the position after all--but it's going to mean...you know...spending a lot of time around someone I can't really get a read on, and who I don't think really wants to have time spent around him."

"Well, I'll give you two pieces of sisterly advice. Number one: if he didn't want someone around, he wouldn't have opened the position. Clearly he thinks you're good enough to hack it, so don't get all weird and in your head about it. Number two: if he tries anything, I'll fly back over there and kick his ass for you. Number three--"

"I thought you said there were only two pieces of advice?"

"The second one was a freebie, it doesn't count. Number three: be prepared to say no. I know you like to be helpful and all, but you also need to set your boundaries. Don't let him walk all over you like a word I can't say while having a phone call near kids on the city bus."

"I think honestly the biggest issue is that he's allergic to dogs."

"Given that Dolly sheds an entire dog every day, I'd call that a reasonable assumption."

"It's not the hair that triggers it, really. It's the saliva and dander, and her coat can trap dust or pollen and--"

"And you still walk in with a fur coat every day. How bad was it?"

"I stopped counting after like a six or seven sneezes within our hour interview and paperwork signing. I may have hearing loss."

She laughs, and he smiles at the sound. He wishes again that she didn't live out of state. "Well, start hittin' him with the 'mines, then."

"The antihista- variety?"

"The very ones. Hey, I've gotta go, it's almost my stop and I'll have to run to make it to my shift on time, but I'm proud of you! And I'm serious about the boundaries thing--be an agreeable assistant, but firm."

"Have a good day at work, Annie."

"Promise me."

"Annie--"

"I'm not hanging up until my sweet little baby brother promises he's not gonna let his jerkoff boss treat him like a doormat."

"Aren't you on the bus still?"

"Monty!"

"Okay, okay! I promise! Go to work!"

The little disconnect chime sounds, and he drops his phone to his lap in relief. This year is going to be an exceptionally long one.

[memoamp]

Kristy Le (she/her) - UCSD '22

Career Goal: Labor and Delivery Registered Nurse (RN)

Major: General Biology

Introduction: Hi you! If I've caught your eye, some things about me are that I'm pretty extroverted, hardworking, genuine, and down-to-earth hehe (´꒳`)

My hobbies nowadays tend to be exploring cafes and cities, doing spontaneous photoshoots, watching movies or anime in movie theatres (AMC stubs membership >:D), and indulging in deep talks !! 🌱

Involvements: There were a couple of jobs and involvements I had during undergrad, but to gear it towards MEMO, I was MEMO Publicity Intern, Publicity Chair, and now Administrative Director! Outside of MEMO or school, I worked as a CNA and obgyn MA! …and a handful of fun side jobs like bobarista and tutor haha

Extracurriculars: During my undergraduate years, I put myself out there to explore lots of the different orgs offered at UCSD. I joined VSA, MASA (multi-asian student association), MEMO, KASA, and I was interested in joining the campus tennis and dancing teams. While I ended up being mostly active in VSA, MASA, and MEMO, I thoroughly enjoyed my time having been in all those undergrad organizations that I peeked my head in. I met so many people, was inspired by so many, and learned lots about myself along the way! Even if you're trying to focus on doing what's best for your academic or career life, you have to remember to live for yourself as well and do the hobbies or things you've always wanted to try during undergrad college! Only then will most of those opportunities be most free anyways HAHA

What kind of advice would you be giving? If you truly think there's a field you're interested in, whether that be pre-med, pre-PA, pre-nursing, or a specific specialty you think you're passionate about, you should always aim to put yourself in that setting. For example, I always knew I loved kids and babies, so I went and volunteered at a NICU department at Jacob's Medical Center Hospital in La Jolla. Little did I know, it was way more boring than I imagined. Yes I got to be around newborn babies each volunteering shift, but most of the time, they were already asleep as they were supposed to be, and I found myself walking around, counting down the hours and minutes until my shift would be over because everything was already stocked, and nurses were mostly sitting in their chairs doing their laptop work for the babies. After that experience, I learned that NICU wasn't all I thought it would be for me, and now, I think I'm more interested in labor & delivery or pediatrics. For me, I learned that I want to be more on my feet while not going through too much running around, so here I am working at an OBGYN clinic. To sum up my advice, make sure you truly understand what you would be experiencing when you say you want to go into a certain field or specialty. It may not be as you imagine sometimes, and there's other factors to consider when you're in such positions too! (like how much free/family time, lunch breaks, patient care, etc).

Best piece of advice you've received? Take a gap year or two. If you are like how I used to be -- academically determined -- then this may be advice that you may or may not think about, but I truly appreciate my gap years. It's the only time you get to find yourself. Whether you improve yourself for your resume before applying to graduate schools or just discover what hobbies or routines you now develop, taking a gap year will be the break you DESERVE. No one's truly rushing you to finish your education, except yourself. Go travel. Go retake those classes. Go work part-time at that one cafe or place you've always loved. Use your gap year(s) to brace yourself and put together why you are passionate for the graduate school(s) you wish to attend.

Preferred method(s) of communication: Phone Number (text/call), Facebook Messenger, Instagram

[the-void-and-the-mirror]

It's been a long time

Hello again. It's been some time, as I struggle with life to continue to figure things out. I'm afraid my anxiety devoured me while I played the balancing act. So I've been away from my blog much longer than I anticipated. And thank you for bearing with me while I still regain my footing. I've been mostly struggling on the career front. My last job was only temporary, and I've been having to decide on my next steps. I recently had an interview that I was very excited for, and I do hope I get the job.

Though my anxiety is constantly eating itself with every fidget I did. (Which was only twice). After quite some time, I've revisited the goal to become a registered drama therapist. This was one I had quite some time ago, and let go. I said it "didn't feel quite right", but in reality, I'm so, so terrified to go into thousands, hundreds-of-thousands, of dollars into debt with nothing to show for it. And I think that puts a huge damper on the goals that I want to pursue. Debt is a terrifying thing. But then, this world is ever-changing to raise that bar. So how much more terrifying is it than to stay miserable in jobs that will barely keep me hired instead?

I don't have the credentials to even start out as a counselor. I'm only a life coach right now, and that's the kind of position I would be taking with the company I applied to. Counseling the homeless, the disabled, the addicted. And I'm so, so much more than fine with that. I still, so desperately, want to help others.

When I finally found this job opening, it was shortly after I finished getting my life coach certification. I figured it was better that way than opening and maintaining my own business, until I could at least get a better business head on my shoulders. There's a lot I don't know how to do, and I am not blind to that. This job would be perfect to start me off. I applied again and again, only to get rejected. And it was frustrating, I didn't know what I was doing wrong. It's been a couple of years, and I finally put in the number of people I've managed to coach onto my resume. And finally, finally, I got that interview. And I had to realise the steps I took to get there. I never gave up on applying. I tried again and again, despite their rejection. And I'll probably apply yet again if I get rejected this time. And I realised... how much this means to me. How much getting that job was something I wanted so much that I kept going back, over and over again. And when I got that interview, I felt some pieces click. I was excited, I was nervous, I was intrigued and terrified. And I saw within me how much I desired this. How, "No" wasn't an answer to me. It was just a deterrent and another chance. Looking at the company's reviews on what to expect, and what I was willing to endure in order to get my foot in the door here.

And then, a dream coaxed itself out of my thoughts and through my lips: "If I get this job, I think I'm going to push through college and become a registered drama therapist."

Because the job looks good on paper, and the benefits of the company would also contribute to it. It might mean not having to face the debt alone.

And I said this, again and again. Just a ghost of what I wanted. And when I was so stressed out as the interview got ever closer (it was a few weeks before they could interview me properly), someone cheered me on. They told me to believe in them who believes in me. And that... was kind of a turning point. What did I believe in? I don't know if I could so much as believe in myself. But I realised something else: I believe in the me that wants to help others.

And that... that meant something. That meant an awakening. I believe in what I can do. That I can be a hero, and this is the best way I know how. Step by step. One person at a time.

And it was then, that I finally, truly realised that I have a dream. For the first time in fifteen years, after all my trauma and recovery, I have a dream. And I want to see it through.

I'm going to pursue schooling, whether or not I get accepted into this job. Because if I was already so willing to put up with whatever it might take, I can certainly put up with studying. And it finally made sense.

This feels like a small update, and it isn't quite as overflowing with everything I want to add. But there's more stories connected with the additional parts that will certainly take up full entries on their own.

I hope you all find yourselves well, today. I hope that, even if your anxiety is eating you alive as well, that you find some light in all that you're striving for. If it's to take another breath, or take the first steps toward a dream, or to even look back at how far you've come. I'm cheering you on, too.

You've got this, and I believe in you. We'll make it through together. Anxiety is only temporary, even if it feels like we're drowning in it. So keep holding on. And I'll write more soon.

[beckleyblog]

Week 5 Blog Post

I do not necessarily want to start a business. Truthfully, It just seems like too much for me. I have anxiety and the thought of jumping into my own business seems overwhelming at this point. On the other hand I wouldn't rule it out completely, who knows how my career will go in the future. I also wouldn’t mind investing in other entrepreneurs or helping them with their business. Truly I don't mind working for others, and enjoy the structure of an established organization. Entrepreneurship was just something that unexpectedly happened for me in the past year. 

I was originally just a marketing major and that was my planning going into and after graduation. I had been fighting for an internship since my freshman year but never got close to an opportunity. The beginning of my Fall 2021 semester, I decided I didn’t want to graduate without having at least an opportunity at an internship somewhere. I really wanted to have that experience before graduating and going into the real world full time. 

At that time, I began looking to add another major to my track. That would leave me with only two more semesters of course work, which would create opportunity to find an internship in the summer of 2022. When looking at other majors, I stumbled upon entrepreneurship but didn’t really think much of it. I made an appointment to discuss majors with my advisor, where I promoted a few options to become part of my plan. My advisor explained that marketing and entrepreneurship was a popular pairing for double majors at the business college. Not only is it for people who want to start business, it helps people understand how they are run especially on a smaller scale. I understood that this could benefit me if I was to work in a small business environment in the future. Even though I didn’t want to start a business, I found value in what I could learn as Entrepreneurship major. 

I was applying everywhere looking for internships for the summer of 2022. Until one day my aunt had sent me a Facebook post from our neighborhood group page in Cleveland. A guy was asking for an intern for the summer at his small local marketing agency. This was the perfect fit for me, so after sending him my resume we met up a month later. The interview I had with him went really well, and I got the internship. We discussed an orientation week at the beginning of June and I went back to Cincinnati to finish up my semester. Unfortunately after a month of miscommunication on his end, he let me know last minute that things had changed at their company and they could no longer take me on.   I was pretty upset at the situation but mostly just how it was handled. I was then screwed and unable to find another internship. 

With all of that happening prior to starting my entrepreneurship classes, I think it pushed me harder to get a good understanding of the subject so I could possibly avoid that situation again. So while my ultimate goal isn’t to start a business, I wouldn’t rule it out completely. I don’t think I’m a natural born entrepreneur but have acquired a lot of skills throughout these past two semesters. These skills will serve me in the future when looking for jobs in marketing, because I know what to look out for in a business. If down the line I’m not happy at the companies I’ve worked for, I believe I’ll have a decent understanding of how I could be my own boss with my own business. 

[wheredafandomat]

Friends with Benefits

Reader x Thor x Loki

⚠️18+, swearing, smut, college au,

Part 11

Previous Part

Next Part

“Do you mind if we don’t talk about my brother in a time like this.” Thor sighed, still holding your hips as you moved above him.

“I’m not talking about him I’m just saying.” You sighed, rolling your hips causing Thor to dig his fingers further into them as he closed his eyes, head falling back against the pillow.

After Loki left yesterday, you, Bucky and Nat ordered a pizza as they told you how in the wrong Loki was. You continued to check your phone in the hopes that he’d call you or at least message but he didn’t. You wondered what he even meant yesterday about him saying that what he said was not as it seemed. What the fuck did that even mean? He also said that he didn’t mean it which wasn’t the same as an actual apology, an apology which you would have ended up accepting. Thor on the other hand did call you, he even apologised on Lokis behalf before saying how sorry he was. As it was nighttime, you accepted his apology and hung up which lead to the following morning when he turned up at your doorstep with of course your favourite cupcakes and a sorry expression to which you gestured him inside which was the beginning of how he ended up inside of you.

The goal was to revise, only revise but then Thors hand began trailing up your leg. You told him to stop, which he did until he did it again. You once again told him to stop which he actually did that time before you looked up and saw him grinning at you. You looked back down before looking back up until you practically jumped into his lap. You promised yourself that this time would be the last.

“I can’t believe he didn’t even apologise.” You huffed.

“Only because he isn’t sorry.” Thor answered, reaching up to massage your breasts as you continued to bounce on top of him.

“What?” You gasped, stilling your movements, luckily in a position that was still pleasurable for you.

“He told me he didn’t feel sorry when he came back yesterday.” Thor lied considering as soon as Loki got back to the flat yesterday and confronted Thor, he finished by saying how truly sorry he was.

“He really said that?” You asked meekly.

“Yes but don’t stop now.” Thor spoke quickly, bucking his hips up into yours kickstarting your movements again. Closing your eyes, you moaned as Thor continued to thrust up into you. Letting your head fall back, you balanced yourself by placing your palms against Thors chilled chest. Looking up at you, trying to focus on climaxing as opposed to anything else, Thor couldn’t help but realise he had never heard you speak about another man so much apart from that jackass that strung you along ages ago. He fought that thought out of his mind as he felt your walls clenching around him. The feeling prompted his own orgasm as he continued to thrust a few more times as he ejaculated.

“Make sure you actually throw the condom in the bin this time.” You spoke breathlessly, coming down from your high.

After you and Thors quite upbeat session, you both switched to something a little more relaxing, well, for you. Your head rested against your pillow as your legs were splayed open whilst Thors head was between them. After you had jumped on his lap earlier, you verbally told him that this was the last time to which he replied “I better make it worth it then.” That’s why instead of calling it a day, Thor insisted he’d stay for a while longer.

“Such a bastard.” He heard you mutter. Raising his head, he looked up at you.

“Me?”

“Noo” you assured before Thor resumed his action of alternating between licking and sucking your clit. His mind once again ventured to the thought of you and Loki which was something he definitely didn’t want it to do. He wondered if you really did like him, why else would you still be thinking about what he said, this wasn’t the first time a guy had been a dick to you and you’d always just forget about it after an hour, why was it that you were still dwelling on Loki? Sighing to himself, Thor switched out of lover mode and into best friend mode.

“Y/n, do you—do you like Loki?” Thor asked, raising his head as he wiped his chin.

“What?” You snorted, suddenly flustered as you looked down at him. “No-NOO—course not.” You lied realising that you probably did. “I don’t like Loki in the way you’re insinuating.” You said, pushing Thors head back down.

Do I? You thought as Thor inserted one of his fingers into your entrance, moving it in and out of you as he continued running his tongue over your clit with long wet stripes. Realising that you weren’t as receptive as you usually were, Thor once again stopped as he sat up.

“You’re usually screaming my name by now, what’s really the matter?” He asked as he licked his lips.

“What if I do like Loki and he’s just said all that.” You whined to your friend as opposed to your fuckbuddy.

Seeing your face so conflicted, so hurt, Thor felt something he rarely felt, truly sorry. He knew that he didn’t like you romantically. He liked your body, he loved your friendship and he adored you being his but he knew he didn’t love you in the way that you wanted, in a way that you deserved unlike Loki who practically said as much to him yesterday. If he had known and realised sooner, he was pretty certain he wouldn’t have told Loki that there was no chance you liked him, he was sure he wouldn’t have done any of the things he did next.

“Just try and forget about him, he’s not important.” Thor tried to console, not wanting you to speak with Loki incase you found out about his input and stirring.

“I think I should speak to him. Yeah. I’ll speak to him, and maybe he’ll apologise and then we could go back to being friends.” You smiled.

“Y/n I don’t think that—” Thor interrupted.

“I’m going to call him.” You said, flinging a top on as you picked up your phone.

“Y/n stop.” Thor ordered.

“No! The sooner I call him the sooner we can go back to being fiends.” You insisted, standing up as you threw Thor his clothes and gestured to the door. “Out.”

“Y/n—”

“Out!“

Leaving your room, Thor stood in the living room putting his clothes back on before Bucky walked in.

“Oh hey Thor.”

“Bucky.” Thor smiled curtly.

“She throw you out?” Bucky asked.

“Do you actually live somewhere?” Thor asked back.

You unlocked your phone before finding Lokis number. You thought you’d FaceTime him and ask if you could meet. If Loki really didn’t like you like that, that was fine but you preferred to know considering he did say he didn’t mean it like that yesterday. You wanted to give him a chance to explain. Flattening your hair as to not look as fucked out, you called him and after a few rings he answered. You smiled, trying to ignore the heat spreading on your cheeks at the sight of Loki shirtless and laying in bed.

“Y/n?” Loki spoke.

“Who you on the phone to?” You heard a woman ask him.

Oh my fucking god

Quickly, you hung up the phone.

Tags:

@chaotics17

@muade-mua-de

@wheres-the-lamb-sauce

@howdidurhammergrowchris

@mischief2sarawr

@ddeadlystbbxx

[ambrossart]

Roadmap for the Future

All right, now the finale is up, and Dancing with Myself is finished, I want to give everyone a heads-up about the plan for all of my upcoming writing projects.

Starting Monday, I will resume working on Paper Men. That will be my main priority moving forward. First, I'm going to be doing a massive re-read to refamiliarize myself with all the characters and teeny tiny plot points that I might've forgotten. I'm also going to clean up the formatting and fix any grammatical errors that I find because I found tons when I was just glancing through it the other day, and it's going to bother me until I fix it. That should take a few days, and then I will start on the new chapter. My goal is to have that up by the end of January or early February.

Once Paper Men is updated, I will be ping-ponging back and forth between that story and the DWM shorts. The latter will be released sporadically until I run out of ideas. Some of them will be super short, some will be long; some will be set in past, some will be set in the future; some will be set in the canon timeline or even an alternate timeline. For convenience, they're all going to be compiled into a giant master list so that it's super easy to find them all.

I know I posted this before, but here's a list of all the DWM fic concepts I have planned so far. Please note, some of these ideas might not make it to the page. They may get incorporated into other fics or disregarded entirely.

POST DWM FICS  

“Post Prom” - After leaving prom, Eddie and the reader go to The Hideout to reminisce and listen to some really shitty music. One thing leads to another and they end up going back to his trailer

First date - The reader is anxious about her first official date with Eddie and goes to Chrissy for a pep talk. 

A very awkward double date with Chrissy and Jason

Eddie and the reader rent a movie, and Eddie gets jealous because Steve Harrington knows his girlfriend's movie preferences better than he does

Eddie finally gets his “tryst” in the janitor’s closet

The reader gets high for the first time / the first “I love you”

“Handcuffs” - the reader tries to spice up their relationship, but overlooks a very critical detail

Scott Sloman gets released from jail and runs into Eddie and the reader 

Eddie tries to take the reader out on a movie date and has his plans foiled by the rest of Hellfire 

Eddie lets the reader join Hellfire’s final D&D campaign of the year and immediately regrets his decision 

The reader decides to write her own wacky D&D adventure

Graduation

Jason and Chrissy come to watch one of Corroded Coffin's performances

“One Last Sleepover” - the reader helps Chrissy pack for college and struggles to say goodbye

The reader leaves for college 

MIDDLE SCHOOl/EARLY HIGH SCHOOL FICS

The Shrieking Queen's Catacombs - a small collection of shorts set during Scott Sloman's massive summer campaign. This will feature a lot of inaccurate D&D gameplay.

Eddie finds out that Scott Sloman plans to ask the reader out on a date 

Eddie’s dad is out on probation and forces Eddie to quit playing D&D

Scottie invites the reader to watch one of Corroded Coffin's rehearsals

The reader finally gets to high school and sees Eddie for the first time in almost two years

AU FICS

Vecna Lives! - a collection of fics retelling season 4. Get your tissues ready, folks, because there will be no happy endings here 💔

“Four Phone Calls” - a Chrissy x Reader fic

[h34rtizuku]

𝔭𝔦𝔱𝔶 𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔶

i hate angst without happy endings, but i’m also self-destructive. therapy is expensive, but ripping your own heart out and bearing your insecurities into a full-fledged story for you and others to read? free.

warnings : angst without a happy ending, insecurities, jealousy, mayhaps toxic behavior?? idk if ur looking for a good time, this isn’t for you bestie <3 also i might misspell uraraka’s name wrong a few times, i’ll fix them later :*

being quirkless had its advantages. with such a small number of us being born without powers, it left a lot of the mundane jobs open.

which is why, as soon as pro-hero deku opened his agency, i came to him with the request to be his assistant.

on the daily, he had people coming up to him asking for internships or to be his sidekick. but he never had anyone ask to be his assistant.

being the number one hero often meant that every day things, things one may take for granted or deem insignificant became just another list of things on the busy man’s to-do list.

therefore the appeal of having someone file his paper work and run to get him coffee in the morning was great enough to hire me.

and i was glad he did.

this is what i have been working for since i was a first year in high school. after watching the freckled boy break limb after limb to defeat his opponent.

yeah, i saw it as irresponsible and stupid that he had to break his own body to save others. but i was willing to overlook it.

my one goal during my remaining years of high school and up to college was that wherever that little green haired boy went, i would follow.

and that reigned true as his assistant. i would shuffle after him like a duckling following it’s mother, wherever he needed me.

if he needed me in a briefing to take notes for him, i was there. if he needed me to put in overtime to help him file the last minute paperwork, i was there. if he wanted a particular pastry from a specific bakery half way across town, i was there.

izuku was never mean, or demanding. always thanking me profusely for anything i ever did for him. leaving me to remind him that this was my job, and any way to make his life easier was good enough for me.

but maybe i should have held onto those blushed cheeks and crinkled eyes as he thanked me for the coffee that he didn’t even know he needed, for a just a little bit longer.

you know how a child will open a new toy on christmas and it quickly becomes their new favorite toy? playing with it non-stop, taking it wherever they go. until one day, they grow bored of it and never touch it again as it grows dusty at the bottom of their toy bin.

i know izuku wasn’t doing it on purpose, he didn’t have an intentionally mean bone in his body. i guess you could say, some other toys came around and took his attention away.

and that toy, was a particularly difficult mission in collaboration with uravity’s agency.

the two spent long hours cooped in his office as they went over notes, plans, intel, etc. until the conversation melted into talk about the old days and the wonderful memories they had together in high school.

i went to work the following days with absolutely no energy to handle whatever would be thrown at me. i hadn’t been able to get much sleep, as when i closed my eyes the only thing i could see was the look in his eyes when he saw her.

my patience was already thin given the events of the most recent week, but when the printer started malfunctioning leaving me unable to fax the papers izuku wanted me send, you could say that was the first domino.

i swatted and kicked and pressed any button on the stupid machine. telling myself i was merely trying to get to stupid thing to work, but deep down i knew that the printer was just my temporary punching bag. an outlet to unleash my anger and emotions onto something instead of letting them fester inside me.

so when one of izuku’s sidekicks came by, giving a snarky comment about my behavior, i was able to brush it off with a roll of my eyes and an equally snippy comment back.

but as the hunk of plastic remained steady in its plan to ruin my day, the lack of sleep and lingering resentment started to bubble within me once more.

i heard footsteps behind me and a joking voice say, “having a bit of trouble are we?”

if it weren’t for the white hot anger buzzing in my ears i may have been able to identify the voice before i lashed out on them. but we already established this was not my day.

so as my hands moved to clutch the machine below me, most likely to restrain my abuse to merely verbal instead of physical. i spit out, “listen i’m fucking trying okay? so how about you get off my ass and do something useful.”

i turned around to face who i thought would be another sidekick sent to push my buttons. but i instead came face-to-face with the green haired man himself.

eyes blown wide, mouth agape in shock, a light blush dusted under his freckles as he fought to handle the situation the best way he could.

but i beat him to it with a deep bow and an endless flow of apologies, opting to only blame my anger on the malfunctioning piece of junk behind me and not the several other reasons i was plotting murder in my head.

with a gentle smile and a soft chuckle he placed his hand to the back of his head, rubbing at the baby jade hairs of his undercut. “i see. bad days happen to the best of us.” he replied, his voice like honey.

i became drunk on the minor interaction he was giving me, bringing me back to the beginning days at this job where we would spend late nights trying to keep each other awake under the only singular yellow light as we finished paperwork. or where sometimes he’d invite me to spend lunch with him as he felt he’d enjoy the company.

i got lost in the intricacies of his face as he tampered with the printer. thin eyebrows furrowed in concentration, bottom lip captured between his thick scarred fingers as he muttered to himself.

i fell in a trance, locked on the slope of his button nose, his gemstone eyes, and chubby caramel cheeks dusted in freckles.

he looked essentially like the same boy i saw on the screen all those years ago, yet matured and hardened by the realities of life.

i wanted nothing more than to reach out and protect him any way my small quirkless body could. to be there for him the same way he was for everyone else.

he eventually got the printer to work with a boyish smile on his face as he told me that despite the good roughing up i gave the machine, he was able to locate and handle the issue. “next time, skip the punching and come find me, yeah? i’ll help with any problems you face.” he joked as he made his way into his office to resume his work.

i didn’t know it was possible to fall harder for that man, but he proved with every day of his existence that the impossible didn’t apply to him.

i was finally able to get some sleep the next few nights as my eyelids filled with the blush on his cheekbones and his gaze of concentration.

but my trip to cloud 9 didn’t last very long as the occasional meeting with uraraka became trips to her agency, and occasional meetings in civilian clothes to civilian places, like coffee shops and corner stores.

to anyone else, those would read as dates. to me, they read as dates. but izuku assured the gossiping sidekicks that it was strictly professional ~ nothing more, nothing less.

i knew that i would end up with more fits of restlessness and sleepless nights as i pictured the two of them laughing over a cup of coffee. so i sought out a replacement.

a moment. a look. a sentence.

anything directed at me that would choke out the ugly thoughts and images my brain would show me of the two of them together.

so that afternoon as i brought him his lunch, i placed the box safely onto the table beside him as he continued skimming through the papers littered across the desk.

he muttered a small ‘thank you’ but it wasn’t enough. as my hand moved to place his drink that i held in my other hand next to his food, a different idea popped in my head.

my hand moved faster than my brain could register what it had just planned to do. squeezing just enough for the lid to pop off and slip from my fingers to tumble into his lap.

as soon as the liquid and ice hit his lap he flew up from his seat and away from his desk.

my hands flew up to my mouth as a string of apologies fell from my lips. eyes watering in guilt as they moved around the room trying to locate something to soak up the mess with.

“i am so sorry, my fingers slipped and before i knew it i had lost control of the cup. i-i can’t tell you how sorry i am.” i rambled as i took my blazer off to wipe at the wet stains starting to form at the bottom of his teal suit.

“hey, hey, hey.” he said softly, taking my tinier hands into his large and battered ones. warmth enveloped my clutched sticky hands as he gently urged me to stand from my crouching position in front of him.

“it was an accident. no harm, no foul.” he said with a soft smile.

i should feel bad, as it wasn’t entirely an accident. but the warm and gentle look in his eyes made what little guilt i felt crumble away.

his thumbs rubbing soft circles to my skin as he worked to get the tears to stop streaming from my eyes was enough to get me to sleep like a baby for a good 2 weeks.

until it became a cycle. he would spend too much time around uraraka, and then i would do something all in the name of garnering his attention back on me.

was it wrong of me to do, to take advantage of his kindness? to take advantage of the fact that he was naive to my true intentions? maybe.

but i felt i deserved it. i felt i deserved to be looked at the same way he looked at her.

i wasn’t any different than she was. with the way she used her big brown eyes to pull him in. or the way her cute behavior made him blush. or the way her sweet way of talking made him laugh.

i can’t be her, or compare to her. so i found my own way around it. and no one could fault me for doing so. they just couldn’t.

at the end of the mission, uravity decided to throw a party in celebration of their win. a nice formal gathering, with everyone she had involved.

when izuku pulled me aside one late night to tell me that he was extending the invitation to me felt akin to a marriage proposal.

i wasn’t involved much in the case, merely being used as the one who provided them their lunch on their long meeting days. or filing and organizing the paperwork and notes that they would compile. i wasn’t out in the field, breaking bones like izuku or saving lives like uraraka.

i didn’t deserve to go, but i didn’t care. izuku had invited me personally and damn it, i was gonna be there.

yet, i shouldn’t have gone.

i shouldn’t have spent the hours on my makeup. i shouldn’t have enlisted the help of my best friend to do my hair as i gushed about how izuku had personally invited me, how he was the most perfect man ever, and how i was undoubtedly in love with him.

i shouldn’t have spent the week leading up to the event going from shop to shop trying to find the prettiest dress that was just the exact color of his eyes. i shouldn’t have spent about half my paycheck on said dress when i found it.

i shouldn’t have decided to face my fears and step out of my comfort zone to join a group of heroes that i knew were old classmates of izuku’s as they whispered about something that clearly was a raving topic.

because then i wouldn’t have heard how izuku was planning on confessing to uraraka. i wouldn’t have heard how this mission caused old high school feelings to rekindle. i should have known my place.

and that was far away from here, from the hero scene. i should have grown up to be an accountant or a chef.

when my father took me to get that checkup when i was 5, to confirm that there truly resides no quirk inside me.

i should have left it at that.

when i was riding my bike that day as a first year and i saw the group of boys huddled around a screen as they tuned into the u-a sports festival, i should have kept riding.

as maybe it would have saved me a lot of pain.

i backed away slowly, heels tapping against the tile floor as i hurried out of the building.

i didn’t realize how suffocated i felt until the chilly autumn hair brushed my face and into my lungs.

my whole body felt hot, i felt numb. i stumbled onto the sidewalk as i looked into the dark azure sky glittered with stars.

the tears finally spilled from my eyes as the stars muddled together into a messy blur. my stomach swirled and tensed as pit of nausea sunk in my stomach.

my chest heaved as it tried to process the crisp cold air into oxygen, but my throat was too tight to let much in.

i gasped and sobbed as my back hit the brick behind me, my legs wobbling unable to carry my weight much longer.

i slid into a crouched position as my tears mixed with the black of my mascara. streaming in pools down my cheeks, neck, and chest.

in the midst of my sobbing and heaving, i called my friend who was still at my apartment awaiting details of that night when i came home.

knowing it was far too early for me to be calling her she picked up the phone with confusion. it didn’t take much words from me, not like i gave her much, to convince her that she needed to come pick me up.

as she hung up the phone, my hand slipped from my ear, falling limp to my side as i placed my head into my other arm resting atop my knees.

this was inevitable and i knew it. no matter how many ways i was able to manipulate a sweet glance from him, it didn’t mean anything.

izuku was nice to everybody. sweet to everyone. kind to anyone.

but with her, it was different. he treated her that way, not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

they had years of memories, of laughs. they were perfect for each other, both smart, and kind, and always looking to help others. never acting selfishly or for personal gain.

they shared soft touches like they did old stories. they looked at each other with the same respect and admiration.

i was wrong. uraraka and i are nothing alike. she didn’t have to beg izuku to look at her like she hung the moon, he did so without asking.

unbeknownst to me, as i was manipulating izuku into these fabricated moments of gentle gazes and kind words, i was manipulating myself.

lying to the deepest parts of me that knew that this wasn’t real. that i wasn’t her. that he didn’t think of us the same way.

to him, uraraka is an old friend, who views the world the same way he does, who shares his same passions, who built her quirk to do some good within this world.

to him, i was a coffee-getter, the girl who knew his lunch orders like the back of her hand, the girl who filed his papers. the quirkless little fangirl who practically begged him to give her a job under him.

i heard the metal door open and snap shut announcing that someone was now outside with me. however, i just assumed it was a party-goer stepping outside for a smoke or a phone call so i didn’t bother to look up.

i also wasn’t in the mood for if the person happened to be a drunk girl who was ready to become my therapist as she saw me crouched on the sidewalk wishing to become one with the cement and simply cease to exist.

“there you are, i was wondering where you went?”

i would have taken the amateur therapist over this.

the voice belonged to izuku, dripping with sugar and default kindness.

if i could become one with the bricks just a little bit faster that would be great.

“hey, are you alright?” his tone became worried but i still didn’t dare to look up from my arms.

“do you feel sick? did something happen? do i need to take you home?” there he goes, into hero mode. ready to drop anything to help anyone facing the slightest of inconveniences.

“please just leave me alone.” i mumbled, throat tight and voice wavering as i try to hold the tears that still remain to fall.

“what did you say? i didn’t quite hear you.” he said softly, gently setting his large hands onto my exposed shoulder.

they should feel like welcoming warmth, but instead they felt blistering hot as i shoved them away as quickly as i could.

“i said leave me alone.” i said, slightly louder as i no longer was stuffed in my arms and knees.

he immediately saw the mess my face was in, i could tell by the way he quickly reverted fully into deku.

“hey, what’s wrong? whatever it is, i can help. didn’t i say you could come to me whenever you ne-“

“oh my god just stop! i can’t take it anymore.” i snapped, finally able to look him in the face.

but not for long as i saw the same look on his complexion as the first time i snapped at him.

“you’re too fucking nice. leaving you vulnerable for people to take advantage of you. giving them a reason to be selfish.”

“i dont-“ he tried to start but i cut him off.

“i don’t need a hero, izuku. there are people you just can’t save.”

as he worked to wrap his head around what was happening, my friend pulled up in my getaway car.

i bent down and grabbed my purse, but before i could fully escape this night, izuku grabbed my wrist causing me to stare into his eyes.

now lit aflame with desperation, “please just tell me what’s wrong. let me help you.” he encouraged softly.

but i wasn’t going to fall for it, not again.

i wasn’t gonna be played for the fool as i took the soft look in his eyes for anything but the gaze of a hero hoping to add another save to their statistics.

“god you never know when to quit!” i yelled as i yanked my wrist back. “and i hate that i-“

loved that about you?

no, love that about you.

i shook my head, thankful that for once my brain caught my actions before i spilled and made a mess again.

i walked quickly to the car, opening the passenger door almost as fast in hopes that within its metal sanctuary i could finally escape this hell.

“y/n- i-“

“mr. midoriya.” i just about whispered, my energy long since drained.

he laughed gently and i cursed the way my heart squeezed a little at the sound.

still head over heels for the angelic sound.

“you haven’t called me that in a long-“

“i quit.”

“w-what?” he muttered in disbelief.

i wouldn’t believe it either, not after the way i came to him nearly 4 years ago saying i would even be willing to clean toilets if he asked me to, so long as i got to work for him.

“i quit.” i repeated.

“you don’t mean that.”

he’s right i didn’t, not really.

hot tears started to dribble as my lower lip puckered in a sour quiver.

“no i do, sir.” i shook. “i will send someone to collect my things on monday.”

and with that i closed the door.

“drive.” i whispered to my friend who after a moment of looking at me, trying to read me, silently put the car into drive and started forward.

leaving izuku behind to stumble after the car, mouth muttering, trying to form any sort of sentence or sense.

but i couldn’t see him, knowing not to look at the mirrors situated on the side of the vehicle.

for they too are liars, as objects in the mirror are farther than they appear.

*** my little blue bitch working overtime

🧼 also mayhaps “soap” by melanie martinez fits this story… unintentionally ~ but if i’m wrong it’s cuz i haven’t listened to it in a while