#my girl faliure will no longer be one

[rozeliyawashereyall]

Impossible. What tragic news is this!?

I regret to inform the public thar Ashley having a character arc means that he won't be a neurotic loser forever and will grow into a confident, mentally stable person. He's already halfway there. I'm so sorry about this news.

[billionairesitgirl]

Do you have any tips to help someone who keeps failing? I have been trying for several years now to get started and feeling more and more hopeless every year. I have attended $$$ events, lost weight, moved closer to major cities. Then of course COVID struck and made things worse. Is there something I can do that can help me gain an "in" or are certain things just not meant for some girls.

KEEP TRYING !!!

Yes i screamed it...  but that’s because thats the most important thing in succeeding.

Secondly Congrats on taking the steps and trying..... 

(THIS MIGHT MAKE MAKE YOU NEUROTIC.... If you already are then DO NOT DO THIS)

The following is also important 

1.) Have you asked your self why you keep failing?

Take a pen and paper and spend an entire day by yourself. Think, play things over in your head and Analyze.... This is probably the only time i truly suggested, over analyzing the crap out of your life, decisions, faliures and successes. 

(a) What mistakes, do you keep making? or What mistakes do you think you keep making. 

(b) what makes them mistakes 

(c) Would those actions have worked out better in something else or displayed to someone else 

(d) who and/or what would this action work on

2.) List your obstacles ... Every single one you could think of... 

Make 3 categories

 .....Obstacles you have gone through - What caused it? who caused it? (Regardless of who caused it... You owe some responsibility... so still own up to it... But remember BE KIND to yourself...) 

There is a fine line between being kind to yourself  and completely absolving yourself of any responsibility when owning up to the responsibility of things gone wrong

......Obstacles repeated - How do you NOT repeat this Again?

.......Obstacles Imagined and Obstacles that could still happen (based on different things, character flaws, finances, men’s personalities, race, looks, nature) Get as detailed as needed.  

Man plans and God unplans ... 

However, as humans we have ability to at least create contingencies... try to come up with possible contingency plan and POSSIBLE action on how to still not stand still when one of those obstacles appear... Basically figure out another way to scale through, wiggle through, swim through... whatever way (As long as there is life, health and will... there is a way.... After all people have clawed out of dungeous using only a stick or even their finger nails)

3.)  What have you tried that didnt work? or keeps failing... List it

4.) What ever #3 is that didnt work... What is the alternative that you haven’t tried. 

5.) Clearly you see this as an investment if you have lost weight, moved etc... What is missing in the picture? (I don’t know you, nor have I spent time with you or know your thinking process or views... So this is something even if you dont know what is missing... You have to sit and think... Sleep on it, give it time but remain introspective but be mindful to know when clarity presents itself. 

Being brutally Honest with yourself is the only way to know what is missing and where you are missing. 

Example: I met a gorgeous black girl A few months ago. From the get go, I knew she was hypergamous... The men also knew. But there was something missing and i couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Until we were all talking with the men present. 

She carried herself as a pretty girl, sweet and bubbly... But she made the mistake of trying to emulate the white woman’s countenance... So she could be doted on same as a white woman... I can’t explain this in detail.

But while it is good to emulate things noteworthy in other people... She lost her self and her own personal spark.  As a black woman... She avoided the pitfalls of a stereotypical black woman (quote on quote)... in the process, she mistakenly lost her goddess quality and blended in with the rest.  The men moved on from her. 

My Point is: WHAT IS MISSING... Are your run of the Mill? What is your core

6.) Standard - 

Do you have set standards? expectations of yourself and of the Men and of your surroundings?

Do you keep it? Do you up hold it or do you switch or lower it under pressure? 

Not to give too much information... I refused to live in the poor neighborhood when i moved off college campus. I lived in a condo and lived Smack in the center of the wealthy part of the city. I was not in this lifestyle then... But it was simply my standards... And even though it meant staying on campus longer till i got it... I did that.

Example 2: I have friends who do not care what hole they enter to get entertained (granted you can meet people anywhere)... But I am not the type that goes out very often... So why will i waste my few outings in some frat boys bar or club. So I go to high end places.

Example 3: I met a man who recently sold his company with upwards of $80 Million... I wasn’t told... I was aware of the process and listened to him through the proceess complain about delay in the closing and trying to avoid tax etc

He was deperate to meet me in person. As a matter of fact the day he closed. He flew me to his city (I went cause i was bored).  Long story Short... He is the type of man that got lucky... There isn’t much in terms of comparison... Thinks he knows everything, thinks himself black people’s savior and makes comments such as “If there were black women like you”...  Has some racists views he doesn’t think is racists... I met his friends... I liked one (But he just recently got remarried and was the smartest of the bunch). They had pissing games who had thr most rolex collection etc... He was crazy about me... Still is even without so much as a kiss and i spent a weekend there. (Had my own hotel room)

But, I knew while the money was there, he was generous and was crazy about me... It would drive me nuts being with him and interacting with his friends... My standard here is that I won’t deal with any man who so much as stresses me mentally especially as I am a black woman... I won’t take nonsense.

My Point is : What do you compromise on that you do? It is a long road being steadfast to your standard... But it has been worth it for me.

Do not use anyone’s standard... Create your own and work on keeping it... Men will despise you for it... But respect you all the same.... It is a weird placed to be.

7.) What type of events do you attend. When you attend events, go out etc... What do you do? How do you approach these events? Do you wing it? Do you plan it?  Are you fearless and confident or shy or just pleasant enough to exchange pleasantries alone? What vibe do you give off? 

How do you dress? Different styles can come across different ways... Some ooze Sexy, some ooze elegance with a hint of sexy, some basic, some regular, some say just another event person

8.) Closer to Major cities : what part of that do you live? Even if you are not in the center of things... Where do you go when you go out? How often to do go to wealthy areas, who do you interact with there? 

There is a plethora of questions who have to ask yourself.

With Covid I have met people (but then, I work for myself and have more freedom to move around and also take mini vacation in other cities) And I already have a network... So, I have a  leg up -  

But, I know girls here and people are also still meeting people.

What is stopping you? What avenues and methods have you tried? Have you thought outside the box? 

Hopeless? No... Wrong direction... As you fail you learn things that dont work so that should make you hopeful. 

Also, I am a big beliver in manifestation and law of attraction. Feeling hopless will only make things more hopless...It will attract more faliure...

Find ways to think more positively, ways to turn negative things into potentially positive things... In this case you do not have to be rational... Imagine everything negative happening has a positive... 

e.g  : A man cancelled on you = It wasn’t meant to be... It might have turned into a terrible situation for you... Thank God or the universe for saving you from whatever it is you arent aware of. 

eg : Covid happening : Time to make more money, invest. Brush yourself up, level up some more, learn new ways to meet this men and become more resilient so you come out fire when, the world isnt tupsy turvy

e.g : Getting older: Perfect, the more sure and certain you become in yourself, the more you actually find out what makes you stand apart, the more you find out who you are and realize that whatever amount a man was going to give you last year, you’ve outgrown it with age, maturity, acheivements etc.

You get the gist.... NEVER FEEL HOPELESS

You can feel sad... But not hopeless... Dust yourself up and try again...

Maybe one day i will take time out to share some of my own short comings and faliures... Cause i think we share the successes much more;  that people think there aren’t mistakes and faliures and short comings... I have had them, and I continue to work and fix them. 

The only thing is after my introspection... and brow beating myself and figuring it out...i don’t like to dwell on the faliures... I put my self to work updating myself. Besides I think sharing more good news brings more good news and vibes... But, there isn’t anyone that can claim to not have had obstacles and faliures.

Finally: My sister beleives everyone has a destiny... But everyone is also capable of changing theirs... 

With regards to your question...  About certain type of girls ...

The Answer is NO...

Some people might find it harder, or lack the resources and know how

But trying, pushing ones self, acquiring knowlegde and doing whatever it takes (of course within reason and comfines of morality ) Is what makes the difference.

As i write... I know women who took their entire savings to go to ST Barts for New Year...  (Would I? NO) But some would... My point is. 

You will go as far as you are capable of seeing yourself go.

So if you want a change in your pattern... You have to break the wheel... Try something new you haven’t tried yet... And a new approach. 

Question for you: “Gain an in?” Into what circle do you want an in? What type of man

#hypergamy, #datingtips #sugardatingtips #sugardatingadvice #levelup #levelupadvice #sugardatingtip #sugardating

[natewrightt]

Silent But Deadly

Episode 1: “We Only See Each Other At Weddings & Funerals”

“Does anyone else see little Number 5 and some girl or is that just me?” Klaus asks, rubbing his eyes in confusion. It had seemed that the Hargreeves’ siblings long lost brother, Five, had returned looking a lot younger. Not to mention the girl who looked about his age lying on the floor from impact, groaning.

Five helped her up and they both looked around. “Shit.”

Soon enough, the two (and the rest of the family, minus their dad father) were in the kitchen. Five was making a peanut-butter and marshmallow sandwich while the girl who appeared beside him earlier sat on a chair, fidgeting with a fork that she found on the table.

“So, are going to talk about it?” Luther asked after a few moments of awkward silence. Five rolled his eyes.

“Talk about what?” He scoffed, placing two pieces of bread on a cutting-board. His siblings watched closely, amazed yet confused.

“You were gone for 15 years!” The man exclaims, putting his arms out for exhaggeration.

“It’s been a LOT longer then that.” He seethed, getting the peanut butter from the fridge. “The old man was right. I wasn’t ready.”

“Where did you even go?” Diego asks.

“The future.” He teleported in front of him, earning a mumble. “It’s shit by the way.”

Klaus put his hand up weakly. “Called it.”

That comment earned a small chuckle from Ivory. Her eyes widened as she realized that the noise mad everyone’s eyes on her, and she slumped back into the seat. It had been so many years since she saw people. However, her thoughts are interrupted from Luther talking again.

“So what are you saying? You’re 58? Is she 58 too?” He asks, pointing at the girl again.

“No. My consciousness is 58. Apparently my body is now 13 again.” Five responds sarcastically, ignoring the other question. He sighed. “The equations were off. Huh. Bet Delores is laughing now.”

At the sound of Delores, Ivory shot him a look, making Five laugh quietly.

“Delores?” Vanya asked.

“So, how did you get back?” Allison interrupted, saying what they were all wondering.

“In the end, I had to project my consciousness forward to every instance of time.”

“I don’t understand...”

“He means that h-h-he gathered all of his powers t-together to teleport 8 d-days from where w-w-we were.” Ivory states for him. It was the first time she spoke. 

Five grabbed the newspaper on the table. “Guess I missed the funeral.”

“How do you know about that?” Luther asked, feeling the need to defend his father.

“What part of the future do YOU not understand?” Five seethed, reading it. “Heart faliure, huh?”

“Yes-”

“No.”

He chuckled humorously, grabbing Ivory’s hand. “Nice to see nothing’s changed.” And with that, he walked out of the kitchen, ignoring the calls from his sister.

The two walked to his bedroom where he opened his closet, only to see the same uniform over and over again. He cursed, tossing one to Ivory. She looked at it before laughing slightly.

“Wow, t-t-the Hargreeves official u-u-uniform.” she jokes, inspecting it. Five scoffs and rolls his eyes but she can clearly see the amused smile on his face. “N-Now get o-o-out, I have to c-c-change.”

His smile turned into a suggestive smirk. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” 

That earned him a shoe to the head.

--

Ivory decided to stay back while the funeral happened. Well, it WAS a funeral. Then, she heard yelling, a knife being pulled out and a heavy object get destroyed. In a few minutes, everyone was back inside. She sat on a chair, cleaning her hearing aids while Klaus and Allison watched in confusion. Realizing she hadn’t even introduced herself, Ivory chuckles as she places them back in.

“Hi. I’m I-I-Ivory Sawyer.” she greets, a warm smile on her face. The two return once and introduce themselves as well.

“How do you know Five?” Allison asked her.

“We’re...close.” Ivory dismisses, ignoring the stinking read in her cheeks as memories rush in. “I met him in the future.”

“Oh. Where’s Vanya?” She continues. Ivory sighs in relief when she moves on. 

“Oh...she left.” Klaus confirms sadly. Suddenly, Five walks into the room with an empty coffee maker and starts complaining about it. She scoffs at his caffeine addiction, but Ivory can’t say much. The girl also has a craving for sweets a lot, so she knows what it’s like. She’s lifted from her thoughts when Five grabs her arm and teleports her out of the room and into the car.

“Where are we going?”

“Getting a decent cup of coffee.”

--

Ivory sits beside Five, chewing nervously on her nails. She can feel that the commission members are searching for them as of right now. Five notices her tenseness and grabs her arm softly. She relaxes at his touch. Finally, after a few moments, the waitress Agnes comes in. She orders her usual, a jelly donut.

“And can I get the kid a glass of milk or something?” The lady asks, pointing at Five with her pen. Ivory has to stifle a laugh. It’s true that he looked quite petite for a 13 year old. 

“The kid wants coffee. Black.” He confirms, smiling at Agnes creepily.

“Cute kid.” Agnes comments before running into the kitchen to make their orders.

Five turns and starts talking to the man beside him, which Ivory finds strange but she ignores it, looking over at the windows. The world is so much different then what it’s going to be like in 8 days. Too bad.

Ivory is snapped out of her thoughts when she can feel a gun pointed at her head. She sighs. Damn it, she knew this would happen! Ivory looks at Five, who seems to have a plan as he grabs a knife from the counter, quickly blinking away.

Great. It was time for another fight.

--

Vanya gasps when she sees Five and Ivory in her apartment. When asked how, he responds with his usual defense.

“Rapists can climb.”

She blinks. “You’re so weird.”

The 3 of them are facing each other on the couch after a few moments. Vanya notices the blood on their clothes and gasped again, but was quickly dismissed by Ivory not to worry about it. Finally, Five starts the conversation.

“I’ve decided you’re the only one I can trust.”

“Why me?” she asks softly.

“Because you’re ordinary.” Five deadpans, but quickly corrects himself when Ivory steps on his foot. “Because you’ll listen.”

Vanya nods, getting closer to them.

“The world ends in 8 days, and I have no idea how to stop it.”

--

Hey do any of y’all wanna get added to my tag list?

[erzsebetrosztoczy]

your turn 📣📣📣📣

pisces, MC, 12H

*cracks knuckle* We're goin' deep yall

Pisces- I would say I'm pretty good with words, I always had a soft spot for writing and it just comes natural when I sit down and start writing. I never researched how composhing phrases or chapters, or even stories should look like, I just went with my ideas and what felt right to write. Well in english I still struggle to find my style, for this is not my first language and the grammer is veeeery different from what I feel confident writing with, bit I think I make progress in that as well.

MC - Tbh a lot of time I feel like I'm the entertainer. And it's not a bragging, but somewhat a self-recognition of a not so positive trait. I always struggled with feelings and expression, you know I always was that little girl in the class/friedn group/family who's words weren't heard, as If they didn't hear me talking. Therefore, I try to make myself as likable and...well noticable as possible so they sould stop seeing throught me. Learning psychology this year opened my eyes up that Yes, indeed, some things aren't the way they should be in a healthier case, and I should start doing something about it, talk with someone. Because I know now, and I won't feel ashamed about it, that if someone needs help, or they won't doing well in mind, they need to get better. It's just as important as physical health. ANYwaY this leaned into another topic, so just to spear the typing, I think I have a reputation of "oh she's the loud and giggly one" or the "crazy one" which, you know I don't mind. I, myself think I'm crazy.

12H- DAMN THE SHADO WORK IS HERE ISN'T IT🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

Uhhhh sooo one of my biggest fears of all time is being left alone or behind. Abandonment is a very hurtfull topic for me, and I don't even know why, because I wasn't neglected nor treated bad as a child, quite the opposite. I always try to be distant with everyone first, but then I get the feeling of "oh crap I want to do well alone but Im actually miserable, I need people" and sometimes I can cling to anyone who I feel even just a little bit confortable. And my tendency is to: be overly hyperactive - share too much - regret it - shut down- and out everyone - repeat.

The other is faliure. I try to be a maximalist, even tho well....my life and achievements are very-not-maximalists. So there's that constant thought in my mind that I could've done it better, I fucked it up, I'm no longer valuable. I also overthink EVERYTHING for this reason, and I constantly worry on things that usually people would get over with a shrug

[heliosthegriffin]

Jauney Appleseed

Cinder has Pyrrha pined beneath her heel, the girl struggling under her, but very weakly as she bleeds from dozens of different glass wounds. Cinder then grinds her glass heel into her, the sadistic glee and smug pride radiating off in waves could almost be felt.

“So much for the oh, so Invincible Girl,”

“Huh, haha”

“You know what my favorite part of this is?“

Pyrrha doesn’t even try to answer, tears welling up in her eyes from the pain and struggle to breath.

Cinder leans down to her. “How easy it was to kill-”

“HEY.” A shout echoed throughout the smoky night, Cinder paid it no mind and continued on. “HEY. HOT AND SEXY!“ The voice faded into the roar of the flames around her, as she took her time hurts the girl.

Only for pain to erupt through the side of her head.The force rocking her back a foot away from the sheer force of the impact.

“AGGH” Cinder cried, as what felt like a high-impact sniper rifle hit her in the temple.

Then another impact hit her in the stomach, making her involuntarily bend over. She felt glad skipped dinner now.

“BITCH, I AM TALKING TO YOU!” The voice roared out through the night. It sounded strangely familiar to her now, and dread creeping up her back.

She hesitantly looked up, and froze in terror.

There stood Jaune Arc in all his glory, tattered to all hell and back, armor dented, burned, and slashed. Half of his face was a bruised, and the other half on fire. Where a shirt should be on his stomach was just a giant burning stab wound that healed the longer she looked at it.

She looked into his eyes and say a disturbing mixture of love and hate for her, but what scared her most was in his hand, an apple.

Cinder felt across her head and it came back sticky and mushy, like applesauce.

Jaune Arc had hit her with an apple. Twice.

The smirk across his face was terrifying as it glowed white with his aura, the aura could be seen pulsing in time to his healing, the flames dying slow on him.

The apple glowed a blinding white, like a flashbang, then pain erupted into breast as another apple knocked her on her ass.

“You, think that’s bad?” The boy-, no the demigod said above her, when did he get in front of her? Why was the Nikos faliure wounds closing? What is even going on?!

“The nights just getting started!” Jaune roared, revealing an entire barrel of apples behind him.

“But, one thing first,“ Jaune said to Cinder as he grabbed an armful of apples. “How you like these apple?“

“Umm,”

“Too late, double apple attack!”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: Don’t worry I like Cinder, she didn’t die. Just living as Jaune’s pain-slut.

[judgement-free-sideblog]

The enemy of love is the truth

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Summary: They were happy just as friends, but one morning the call from an old trauma may change everything.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, history of drug use, mental health issues, cursing, angst.

■Part I  ■ Part II ■Part III ■ Part IV ■ Part V ■Part VI ■ Part VII ■ Part VIII | Final ■

Part III

The awkward silence lasted long enough for him to sit on her office couch looking anywhere but her direction pretending he didn't hear. Until Tom finally looked back at Y/N, he wanted an explanation, to know the cold and ugly truth, but he also wanted to pretend those words had not been spoken.

"I beg your pardon?" He said dryly after a few more seconds. "Wedding? Like in you are married??" Add him bitterly, and bite his tongue before he could say with someone else?.

"No, not like that" she was taken aback by the reaction he had shown, like if he was hurt, so she start pacing trying to explain herself "It's one big mess, and a long story, I know I should have told you before, but it was so long ago... this is some fucked up situation ok? I'm sorry" she left herself fall sitted next to him and cover her face defeated.

"Well start then" he said, almost relieved because she said no.

"You have to be on stage in less than an hour" he rolled his eyes at the stubbornness of this woman, but she was right.

"Then when it's over, I'm free at 10 and we can talk then. That works for you?" She simply nodded and looked at him with an expression he only had seen in her one time long before, complete and crude pain.

"Ok then" he stood up and walk to the door, before walking out he add "whatever it is I'm with you"

He went of to preform, if his castmates noticed something was troubling him they didn't say, what the audience did noticed however was a sad flex in the usual angry cold and distant demeanor that his character Robert demanded.

He could remember how 3 years prior he had spotted Y/N during one of the rehearsals, making her blush furiously, nothing out of the ordinary, he always felt flattered by the influence his presence had on his fans. But on the opening night while he delivered his lines he could see her in the audience with a look clouded by pain, crude and pure pain.

Robert: No, look, I’m sorry, have another drink. I’ll tell you what it is, it’s just that I can’t bear being back in London. I was happy, such a rare thing, not in Venice, I don’t mean that, I mean on Torcello, when I walked about Torcello in the early morning, alone, I was happy, I wanted to stay there for ever...

At the time he assumed, being the young beautiful woman that she was, that she had her fare share of heartbreaks, and if someone had at some point betrayed her the subject of the play may have resonated hard with her.

The truth was after that moment he couldn't take her out of his mind. He try to talk to her but any attempt ended up in some awkward interaction.

"Bethany looks radiant, after all you been trough you must feel happy and relieved" He said to caroline on the girl's 20 birthday party. "You are a brilliant mother, I'm glad to see you as the powerful woman you are"

"The secret is discipline, love and my personal guardian angel Y/N" she said with a chuckle while he immediately looked for her in the crowd. "She is crazy about you, you know? Smartest, toughest woman I know, complete putty when you are around"

He hid his grin taking a big sip of his drink, he was quite aware of it, and he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy it.

"And you are not better" she continued "Every time you don't need to be on stage you look like a bloody owl spinning your head trying to find her, and I don't remember a moment this week that I were near her office that you didn't casually approach me for some nonsense, both of you are helpless"

"That's absolutely ridiculous" He said frowning because again she was correct. "I have in my best interest the life of all the people that works with me, it's not like am stalking her"

"Surely dear, and you would say now that you would also make Bethany ask the set designer if he is single" she said sarcastically. "What are you waiting for Tom?"

"I don't know what do you think it's happening here" He started, looking at Y/N talking to other guests across the room "But you are wrong, and even if by any means I were infatuated by your doctor friend, I couldn't act upon it, she clearly as you said has an interest in me and it wouldn't be fair"

"Of course, because to consenting adults can't have a fucking normal conversation to figure things out, and it's way more normal to dance around each other like a pair of idiots, you know what? I'm gonna end this now"

She took him by the hand and dragged him across the people on the dance floor until they were in front of Y/N, but this time she didn't become a bright red mess, maybe it was the alcohol, or simply she was past that silly crush phase.

"Hi darling, having fun?" Said Caroline with her most candid smile.

"Of course, the new house is gorgeous by the way" Y/N answered with a genuine tone "And Beth looks so joyful, it's amazing"

"I'm glad dear. By the way have you met this beautiful man here?" She said putting her hand on Tom's shoulder holding him still in case he try to escape "Mister Tom Hiddleston, Doctor Y/N Y/L/N, she is a dear friend of mine"

"It's a pleasure" He said playing along and shaking her hand. "I know what you did for Bethany, it's truly remarkable" he said with that damn smile that make every woman tremble.

"There's highly any remarkable about it" she said letting go of his hand "It's more of a right place at the right time situation"

"Don't put yourself down dear" Said Caroline smiling at her, and after as if some sudden realization hit her she add "Oh were are my manners, I have to see the other guests, you two have fun" she give Y/N a quick wink and walked away.

"So you have work with people with addictions before?" He asked breaking the silence.

"Oh yeah, back in my twenties, some shelters or rehab centers have really crappy medical assistance so..." She shrug and continue "A way to put back you know?"

They keep talking, finding a lot in common, they exchange numbers because he wanted to know about the charities she worked with, they dance even when she didn't know quite well how, but end up laughing and enjoying herself anyway, and they drink a little more, enough to warm up the pipes as Caroline said pulling out a Karaoke machine and they sang completely out of tone by 2 a.m. When one of her ankles almost gave up in her heels he kindly offered to take her home since he was still in condition to drive.

"This was so much fun" She said when she was out of his car with her shoes in one hand "I don't think I had drink like that in quite some time, it's going to be a bad shift tomorrow" She looked at him trying to find a way to say Do you want to come in? "You are so stupidly cute you know? Not like movies cute, way cuter...although you are almost that pretty in one of your movies"

Tom's mind keep repeating what he had said earlier to Caroline, It wouldn't be fair she is too into you, and at the moment she was also too drunk.

"It would be a pleasure to cheer you up after your terrible shift if I may" He said pretending he didn't hear what she said about him "why don't you have dinner with me? If you are free by noon of course"

"Like a date?" She said suddenly feeling less drunk but more nauseous.

"Of course like a date, and you could tell me in what movie I look prettier"

On the weeks to follow they would tease about each other behavior, even when their date end up in complete and utter faliure. And even after those year he still didn't know what movie she was talking about. But they did end up talking about charity, books, and movies, him end up fascinated by the many aspects of her personality more and more every day, and forming a strong and beautiful bond. A friendship he treasured deeply.

Back to the present after the curtain call Tom took a deep breath before exiting to the parking lot, the night was cold and when he finally arrived to her car she was there, both of them more calmed, and he thought of how he actually meant it, he wouldn't mind what she said to him. He loved her too much to care.

So that was part III I enjoyed writing this so much, and it's I feel way longer but I was eager to write Tom's perspective, the quote is from the script of betrayal, the one I could find at least, and will be important in the following parts, I may end up with 6 parts instead of 4 because I don't want to make them so long. I hope you enjoy it.

[mylifeisboderline]

Omg

Can’t believe how hard it is for me to leave the house alone. Certain things I can do. Like grocery shopping. I went to Best Buy the other day. I dont know why but if I’m dressed nicely but low key I usually feel comfortable in target. But new places are the hardest. I actually never get to them. I cant even make a call to get the health insurance I need.

I was staying in an apartment that was my own place and I find Im more likely to do things for myself. But now im back on my sisters couch searching for a job. Its still like im invisible to her even though Im right here on her own couch. How am I going to be able to take care of myself? Be a productive member of society. Sometimes I think how people literally are doing something almost every hour of the day. They have meetings and go out to lunch then hit the gym and etc etc. They are normal. Making or having friends. Taking instagram pics. I wanna be normal. I wanna have clothes that make me feel like im worth something. I dont want my self esteem to be so low that I cant wear anything besides a tshirt and jeans because I dont want to be noticed. My sisters doing coke again. Her and her boyfriend have been fighting and making up. Shes worried hes using her. She makes all the money and he just quit his job. Hes always making mistakes. I think he is too and she should just leave. They stay uo and do coke then sleep all day. Her daughter has been calling me mama but I think sometimes she just uses that word to tell you what she wants. Or to get your attention. I think they need to spend more time with her. And when shes out running around they need to interact with her more. But in a lot of other ways shes spoiled. I just wanna spend more time with my sister. I need emotional help and her support. She walks in and barely says anything to me, always promising that we will hang out and get out of the house (which I also need someone to go with me anyways) and then doesnt follow through. She told me to move down here and I can stay in her other empty apartment. But now thats in jeopardy so here I am. She never talks to me or lets me talk to her about my feelings my anxiety. Yet I work everything through with her about her boyfriend. Shes so self centered and inconsiderate. But also I love her very much. I wanna get some clothes so I can be half way decent enough to go on a date with this girl. Shes beautiful and lovely and very successful. Shes pre law and in a soriety. She also seems to dress in a very popular style. And I just feel like a faliure next to her. No job. No higher education. People judge you for that. I just wanna at least look nice. It gives an elusion. But I also think she may not be as shallow. But I wanna empress and I dont want her to see my anxiety and how Im a hermit. I seem to only be comfortable “going out” like for fun if Im going out drinking and dancing with my sister. I wasted a lot of my klonopin. And I need the rest for an interview. I have this dumb tattoo on my hand. Itll probably ruin my chances. She texted just as I was writing about her. I dont know her but I can tell Id be proud to bring her home.

Ive gained my weight back since leaving my dads. His girlfriend was so cruel I went from 130 to 99.6. Mocking me for my suicide attempt in the past.

I literally drove myself into a wall. Back off. Two hour “family meetings” over a missing dish rag. Lying on me. Threatening to call the cops over nothing.

I feel like trash. And wasted potential. I feel myself getting more stupid.

I was prescribed 100 lamotrigine. I was on it before but they brought it up to 100 recently. The doctor who filled my lastest prescription gave me 200mg so I cant break them in half and theyd last long. I just started take 2 halfs a day. One in morning one at night. Its only been a day. And then I followed up this morning. I hope it helps. I wanna be independent. Financially, yes. But damn it I wanna be able to do what I want with out a babysitter. I dont wanna be dependent on anyone! So now I wanna ignore this girl until our date tonight. In case she asks about what I’m doing. So she doesnt know I dont have a job. So she doesn’t know Im sitting on the couch watching the first episode of the man in the high castle. Hope its good! Should I text her back? Hmmm. Anyways I think I may feel better getting this out.

I wanna move on from my ex and show her ive upgraded. As shallow and stupid as that sounds. I just know I was too good for herm and its been way longer than a year since we were officially together. But I would still see her when her and her girl would break up. She knows im always here waiting to be used. But not anymore. Havent been for a while. Ive sorta been tip toeing out of my shell. I just want her to see me be great cause she brought me down for so long. Is that stupid? Its not my main goal AT ALL. but is it crazy that itd be like..the chocolate drizzle on the fudge sunday?

[thekaeb3412-blog]

The Story of How I Fell In Love With Unwritten History

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met . 

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side . 

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t . 

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending . 

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace . 

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock . 

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling eachother out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our friend Ladaya , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack . 

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

 We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete faliure in the relationship . 

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept amking promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I desrved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal . 

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though .  But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health . 

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . 

[tyguy666]

Hopeless...

People may not realise it because I can come across as a really bubbly and happy person but inside I am screaming because I feel like I am losing control. Losing my friends. Losing close relationships with people. Losing the love for myself and just losing my sense of direction in what I want from life. If we start with the first point I just feel like I have friends on social media but out of the dozen or so friends that talk, the second I want to meet up they are suddenly “wayyy too busy” even though they posted a status saying that they are bored less than twenty minutes ago...but I let it go they obviously just want a day to themselves...oh glad you had a nice day out with these two friends who are the only ones who can be bothered with you! The second point merges in with the first and that follows in with some far away less than considered family members. The third point has always been an ongoing issue with me like I have ALWAYS been a chunky lass and have always had issues with bullying from both peers at school and from someone who I no longer consider a family member telling me at age 14 that gastric band would be beneficial for me like WTF?! Who would say that to anyone especially not an impressionable teen who was already striving for a level of perfection that she was unable to reach :’( 6 years down the line and I am now about 1 stone 6 pounds lighter but even when I get that little bit lighter I keep seeing it as a huge way away from my goal weight but I am now terrified that once I reach my goal weight I am going to see myself as huge and want to lose even more weight even though it’s not healthy :/ and as for the final point I started at age 16 entering college down south on a forensic science course which i loved! fast forward 3 years I am no longer in college after dropping out and now in a new job as McDonalds just wasn’t right for me but I cannot decide on an end goal like I have bounced between Genetic Counsellor, Activist and going to third world countries and helping girls understand about sexual health, get them into education, warn about domestic violence and just help them become well educated young women. How any of these will happen God only knows because unless I can somehow save over £7000 when I only earn under £300 a month then none of it is gonna happen and I already feel like a faliure that will just be the biggest knock to my confidence xxx