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a-ikuoliver · 1 year ago

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────────⌕ SEARCH: IO/KATSUKI-BAKUGOU

updated 11th june 2024

masterlist • archive of our own • wip updates • my kofi please bear in mind all my works will be female/femme reader & remember to check the warnings

worship me | nsfw 18+ | 2.9k — 26/04/2022 *originally posted to gwen0m

summary: an unforgettable autumn night at your private catholic college when Father Bakugo approaches you after late-night studying at the church’s library. warnings: noncon, unprotected vaginal sex, blasphemy, manipulation, dacryphilia, corrupt priest, breeding & threatening

before he cheats | implied nsfw 18+ | 1.8k — 11/08/2022

summary: hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and god, does it turn a man on with that fire in your eyes and bat swinging in your hand, ready to key the car of the man who wronged you. warnings: feminine pronouns/nicknames/descriptions, fantasising, mentions of weapons (bat, knife), bakugou gets horny over crazy girls

what's your favourite scary movie? | nsfw 18+ | 4.9k — 03/11/2023

summary: finally convincing one of your best friends to come to the 30th anniversary re-release of scream, he figures out one of your best-kept secrets. warnings: femme reader (called girl, has a pussy, wears makeup n a skirt), death threat kinda lmao, public & unprotected sex, blood mention, knife mention, reader implied to be recon/stealth hero, not beta’d bc i got nervous and we die like men, this is like all lead up my b

do something, babe, say something | angst | 2.0k — 09/11/2023

summary: you tell katsuki bakugou you love him for the first time warnings: gn!reader, miscommunication, self sacrifice

wired | nsfw 18+ | 9.3k — 15/12/2023

summary: honing your kickboxing skills with pro hero dynamight can lead to a) insane improvements of your skills, becoming the best version of yourself with each critique you get, b) a crush like no other you’ve ever had in your life, or c) all of the above? warnings: fem!reader (“girl”, “cunt”, “pussy” used) slight age gap but not a main plot point, a lil bit of violence, making out, brattish reader, choking (ish), hair pulling, dry humping, slight edging, public sex, unprotected sex, implied use of birth control

bad enough for you | nsfw 18+ | 4.0k — 15/01/2024

summary: bathrooms at house parties are only made for one thing warnings: fem!reader (has a pussy, wearing makeup + skirt), established relationship, toxic relationship, cheating, alcohol mention (tipsy sex), blood/biting/marking/cutting mention, unprotected sex, degradation/name calling (not really but just in case), hair pulling, fingering (f!receiving), oral (m!receiving)

like a girl does | nsfw 18+ | 6.7k — 19/02/2024

summary: you're finally being introduced to your girlfriend's friends, invited to a last minute party, any confidence melting from you when you see another girl clinging to her arm. warnings: fauxcest (bakugou referred to as your step sister/sister), dubcon, bakugou is TOXIC, feminine/girly reader (she/her pronouns; wearing makeup; nails + a dress; long hair/out/on her face), reader referred to as a puppy (degradingly not petplay lmao), pet names (pretty + baby), emotional manipulation, cheating (on reader, implied to be with ochako but not overtly), alcohol + weed mention, reader a lillll bit of a crybaby, public/car sex, oral (r! receiving)

fantasise | nsfw 18+ | 1.5k — 20/04/2024

summary: katsuki sees your sex toys once and is haunted by what you look like using them. warning/s: m! & f!masturbation, sex toys, fantasising

god is a freak | nsfw 18+ | 2.8k — 11/07/2024

summary: god is a bit of a freak, why's he watching me getting railed on the couch, staying pure for a wedding, he's got fucked up priorities — aka an ancient, obsolete god of fertility hears your prayer warning/s: fertility god!bakugou, f!reader, voyeurism, oral (f!receiving), references to sex rituals and safe sex lmao, i think that's everything, mostly lead up

bakugou helping you out when your piercing gets stuck — 11/12/2022

kiri n bakugou, under v overstimulation [nsfw] — 16/11/2022

katsuki watching a rabbit review [nsfw] — 27/10/2023

lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off — 14/11/2023

"make me" [nsfw] — 06/12/2023

if katsuki ever lost his memory — 12/12/2023

sleeping with bakugou — 24/12/2023

big brother bakugou [nsfw] — 11/01/2024

valentine’s day — 09/02/2024

childhood best friends — 23/03/2024

teasing him [nsfw]— 09/04/2024

katsuki bakugou + strawberry daiquiri — 26/04/2024

katsuki bakugou + jagerbomb [nsfw] — 27/04/2024

katsuki bakugou + bloody mary [nsfw] — 27/04/2024

katsuki bakugou + cosmopolitan — 05/05/2024

sirens call — 09/05/2024

© all works belong to @a-ikuoliver, @gwen0m, and dlirious on archive of our own, do not plagiarise, translate, repost, feed my works into ai or recommend my work on other platforms, or bind my fanworks for sale.

#line dividers by me #bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #k-atsukibakugou #「mercury writes」#「kat <3」

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orshii · 6 months ago

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Will I Ever See You Again? CHAPTER 4: Everything I Wanted

Author: orshii

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x reader

Warning: cursing, violence

Word count: 4,4 k

Summary: You were left alone with your brother, Yunho, and his best friend Hongjoong, after your parents' death. Yunho had someone to grieve with, but you? You had no one as your brother and his best friend pushed you away, singing becoming your only savior. There was one rule that Yunho made inside his friend group: “Don’t touch my sister”. And for this reason, Hongjoong had always kept his distance. But one night, you find yourself in danger. And from then on, Hongjoong does not leave your side. He is suddenly overprotective of you, and your relationship shifts and becomes fraught with tension and unspoken feelings, with secrets lurking beneath the surface and a painful past haunting you. Will you find out the secrets your brother and best friend have been keeping away from you? Will you be able to finally free yourself from your cruel past?

Will you fall in love amidst the chaos around you?

A/N: This is my favorite chapter so far. A lot of actions happening so be ready. The truth unfolds. Please listen to this song, it plays an important role in the story. Enjoy, reading! (sorry for the late update, if anyone is still interested at all lmao). Byee!

(Series Masterlist)

Taglist: @bvidzsoo @vixensss @deltamoon666 @scarfac3 @chatsgotmytongue

@xiang-zalea @cookiesandcreammy (taglist is open)

I felt my heart in my throat as I listened to the loud bangs coming from the doorway.

I looked at Hongjoong, panicked. "What should we do now? We can't fight them."

He slowly faced me, stood in front of me, grabbed the sides of my upper arms, and leaned down to be at my height. "Listen very carefully!" His tone got lower. "You have to leave the house as soon as possible, Y/N!" His face went dark as I saw that some stupid plan was playing in his head.

"No fucking way I'm going to leave you here, Hongjoong!" I told him, looking into his eyes desperately.

"Sugar," he cupped my face. "I'm going to follow you as soon as I've won enough time for you to leave safely." He looked back at the door as the outsiders got more impatient.

I held his hands still holding my face. "No, Joong, we fight with them together, or we leave together. I'm not going to leave you here. Please, Hongjoong!" I started to sob as my voice got quieter.

"Fuck, Y/N, it's not the time to be stubborn." He stepped away from me, getting angrier. He went to the window to peek outside.

I stepped next to him, so I could see five men standing in the dark, shouting for us to let them inside. "You know you can't do anything against five men. Please think a little bit, Hongjoong." I reached my hand towards his upper arm, to make sure he knew I was by his side, not the enemy. "Look, if we sneak out through the backdoor that leads towards the ocean, I'm sure we can leave them behind and call for help." I had an idea as I tried to convince him to come with me.

He looked stressed as he ran his fingers through his messy hair, then brushed his palms against his face, trying to think clearly. "Okay, then I'm going to call Yunho to speak to the rest of the gang, and we're going to trap them." He looked around the living room, still thinking.

"Help me gather some things in front of the door. I have a feeling they're going to break it in no time." He went near the armchair, lifting it as if it were a feather. I quickly ran to the kitchen to grab the chairs, and we put anything we could in front of the door.

"That's it. Now run!" he suddenly said, grabbing my right hand and pulling me along with him.

I had no time to think as I just focused on not falling. We quickly escaped through the backdoor. The chilly air of the night hit me like a rumble of thunder; I was wearing one of Yunho's purple hoodies only. The moon was up in the sky, showing the way towards the ocean with its brightness as we were running in the moonlight. We climbed over the fence, just to arrive at the neighboring street. Hongjoong still held my hand and didn't let it go, not even for a second.

I think I might need to start jogging because recently, I've been running for my life every day, it's not even a joke. My breathing started to get heavy. I looked behind me quickly to make sure no one was following us. I started to slow down as I thought I might throw up at any second.

"Sugar, don't slow down, we need to reach the ocean." He looked back at me, holding my hand stronger, pulling me along. Two streets remained until we reached the coast. Suddenly, I felt the need to look back again, and when I did, I saw two black shadows far away running after us.

"They are—following—us," I said heavily, my breathing becoming more uncontrolled. This wasn't the time to panic, so I tried to gather myself.

Hongjoong looked back. "Okay, sugar, they aren't that close. Keep going, we're nearly there." He tried to motivate me.

The houses were slowly disappearing as the air got saltier, whispering danger. The scenery changed into a darker scene, the sun barely visible, and the golden hour disappeared just minutes ago. After running without stopping, we were near the ocean, and I started to hear the loud crashing of the waves against the cliff. It wasn't a normal coast; there wasn't any sand slipping through your fingers—the only thing that could slip through your fingers was your life, as these waves were killers, crashing you against the cliff with the power of a boxer's stroke, multiplied by ten.

We arrived at the edge of the cliff, my legs shaking. I didn't know how I was even able to stand still. I hunched over as something in my throat wanted to escape. I breathed heavily, feeling like I was on a roller coaster. Hongjoong did the same. He was trained, but this much running could defeat an athlete as well. The sound of the crashing waves never stopped, making an unnatural beat. I straightened up when I felt a little bit better and looked down at the ocean. Not much distance separated us from the ocean.

"How the hell did they find us, for fuck's sake?" I heard Hongjoong behind my back.

I was no longer there. I fucking lost my mind. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, as I was so sick of this, sick of the constant running. I couldn't do it anymore. My legs gave up as I fell to the ground, trying to breathe in some air, but it just couldn't reach my lungs. Hongjoong stepped next to me as soon as I fell, to grab me. I felt like I was in a never-ending dream, where I had everything, I wanted, but suddenly it turned into a nightmare.

"Hey, sugar, look at me!" He grabbed my wet cheeks, and I didn't even realize I was crying. "Look at me, please, Y/N, stay with me!" His voice was like the ocean, but softer, more concerned. He was blurry, as I didn't see him because of my tears, but I looked at him.

"Good girl, now I need you to breathe in and out slowly." I heard his voice from the distance; it felt like I was hearing that familiar melody I always heard in the back of my mind. I felt as if my body obeyed him. I inhaled as the salty air reached my lungs finally, spreading like veins, then I exhaled, finally letting out the stress I had been through, coming back to Hongjoong, to the real world, where we were at the edge of a cliff and some fuckers wanted us dead.

I reached my hand to Hongjoong's hand, which was still holding my head. "As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you, sugar, I promise." His face was full of something I didn't recognize; his words hugged me, keeping me alive with every second.

I nodded as he helped me up from the ground, some sanity coming back to my mind. I looked behind Hongjoong and saw two figures coming our way. They didn't even run, as we were trapped here like rabbits. Hongjoong took out his phone from his pocket and quickly typed something on it, then switched it off just to throw it on the ground.

"Now, listen to me, Y/N, you have to trust me. Do you trust me?" I shouldn't, why would I? But he wasn't the enemy; he only wanted to protect me. I nodded, words not coming out of my mouth.

"We need to jump—they think they trapped us, but I know this place like the back of my hand. When I was a kid, we jumped from here all the time, it's really not that bad." He grabbed my upper arms to look straight into my eyes.

I looked at him with wide eyes. "Are you kidding me? You ask me to jump straight into those killer waves?" My voice was weak, barely escaping my lips.

"I'm going to be there, next to you, Y/N. We don't have time. They are going to think we are dead. But trust me, please, with only this thing." He tried to convince me, his voice sounding weak just like mine.

"Fuck…" I looked behind him at the two evil shadows closing the distance between us, then back to the waves that lured me like they promised life to me. "Okay, fuck, let's do this," I said, running my fingers through my hair.

"I'm proud of you, sugar, we can do this." He wiped my cheeks with a careful touch, scared not to break me. "I'm right by your side, I'm not letting you go, okay?" His voice was so soft, he could've convinced me to burn the whole world; I would've done it in a second.

I just nodded. He reached his hands towards me, and I accepted them, interlocking our fingers, our hands becoming a padlock with no key. He slowly leaned towards my face and pecked my cheeks.

"Together, on three. Are you ready?" He looked at me, his eyes giving me the power to do this fucked up plan where we could easily die.

"Ready," I said, nodding my head.

Hongjoong looked behind him for the last time and shouted, "GOODBYE, FUCKERS!" and he lifted his free hand in the air, just to show them his middle finger.

I would've laughed at that, but I was so fucking stressed I couldn't think of anything else other than the fact that I'm going to jump into the ocean.

"Okay, sugar, remember, don't let my hand go. I'll be there to protect you." He looked at me for the last time.

"Three, two, one!" He shouted as he stepped towards the edge, pulling me with him into the crashing waves, looking at us like some monsters waiting for their food, open-mouthed. The seconds were longer than hours; everything felt slow, like in a movie. I felt like I left my body. I felt the air in my lungs leaving me and the only thing I could focus on was Hongjoong's hand, making sure I didn't lose it. I heard a loud crashing noise, feeling the icy water hit my body. I closed my eyes as I felt the salty water entering my lungs, almost like it whispered to me, “Welcome to your last journey.”

≫ I would sink with you until we reach the bottom

Not letting the monsters catch us above ≪

Darkness was surrounding me, my body was numb, I didn't know where I was exactly, was I dead or was I alive? I didn't know it anymore, as my lungs were full of something salty, I didn't recognize. It was hard to breathe because something heavy, pushed me down into the dark, not letting me go. Chains choked my neck and my wrists, it became one with my skin, locking me down. I just couldn't escape.

Dim light hit my eyes, but still, I didn't see anything. I felt like I was blind, I was still in the dark, not letting the lights in. I inhaled the air, which wasn't salty anymore. It was fresh and warm.

The music hit my ears and I started singing. That was the moment when I realized I was standing on the familiar stage, curious eyes watching me, waiting for me to let my voice out so it could slowly crawl into their ears, possessing their brain as if it was some kind of superpower of mine.

♪ I had a dream,

I got everything I wanted ♪

My voice was so far away from me, that I felt like I was still underwater. I felt like all of this was a dream.

♪ And if I'm being honest

It might've been a nightmare ♪

That turned into a nightmare.

♪ Thought I can fly

So, I stepped off the Golden ♪

Suddenly I felt, as if I was on the edge of the cliff, ready to fly straight into the crashing waves.

♪ But when I wake up, I see

You with me ♪

I saw Hongjoong next to me, when I stepped closer to the edge, I felt two hands pushing me down into the waves, sending me down, alone.

♪ And you say

"As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you

If I could change the way that you see yourself

You wouldn't wonder

"They don't deserve you" ♪

The familiar hands caught me, while falling, just to protect me from the waves, just so we fell into the ocean together. I felt safe around those arms, I felt like I was drowning but he still brought me back to life.

♪ I tried to scream

But my head was underwater

And it feels like yesterday was a year ago

But I don't wanna let anybody know ♪

Where was the reality? Where was the reality, where we escaped from the ocean, which felt like an eternity? I felt like we were locked down into the depth of the ocean forever.

In reality, it was only a few seconds as Hongjoong helped me out from the crashing waves, being the helping hand, that I needed my whole life.

Something changed there inside of me and nothing was the same anymore.

My eyes found him in the crowd, but I only saw him, everything was black, but he was shining. He was the light in my darkness. Just when we were in the ocean I opened my eyes for a moment, just to see him, holding me like his life depended on it.

I locked my eyes with him. He looked at me like I was the shining moon in the dark night.

♪ If I knew it all then, would I do it again?

Would I do it again? ♪

The melody ended, and I felt like my heart was pumping blood into my body fast, I was afraid I might explode. I wasn't myself; I couldn't recognize the strange people around me. I felt empty inside, my body was there, suddenly dancing in the crowd, I don't remember if I drank something, but probably I didn't have to, because I felt dizzy enough from this strange feeling that wasn't even a feeling. Something pushed my chest so hard; that I couldn't breathe. I felt strange hands around me, touching me. I wanted them to stop, but I couldn't let out my voice, it stuck halfway in my throat. I wanted to escape from there, but I was still in the dark.

I felt one, now familiar hand, grabbing my wrist. Two fiery eyes looked at me like they could burn me alive right there, I wouldn't even care. He dragged me along, through the moving bodies, through a door. Shining light hit me again, dragging me out from the dark, as we reached the bathroom. Hongjoong pushed me inside, letting my wrist go.

"Get the fuck out!" He shouted at the pair who were making out innocently in the bathroom. When they saw Hongjoong’s furious face they were running for their lives.

His furious voice brought me back to the real world all of a sudden, and I started to feel my surroundings, as the air got into my lungs finally. Chills ran through my body, and I started to feel the numbness escaping my body, as I was myself again. What the hell was happening to me?

Suddenly, I was standing in front of Hongjoong, trying to remember what happened in the last few hours, as I wasn't really myself from yesterday.

"What are you doing, Y/N?" Hongjoong's voice was dark, it sounded like he was furious and I didn't know the cause of it.

I stepped back a little, as he stepped towards me, we played this game until my back reached the cold wall of the bathroom.

"I'm not doing anything." I let my voice out finally, I felt like I hadn't been speaking for at least a year, and my voice came out weak and quiet.

"I saw as that fucker touched you and you let him? Are you really that desperate for attention?" His eyes were full of desire, with jealousy. He leaned closer to my face, his right hand on the wall next to my head.

My blood started to boil. Why was he acting like this? I was in a state where I just didn't understand anything at all and to be honest I didn't even care.

I looked at him furiously. "Why the fuck do you even care of what am I doing? You didn't even look at me since yesterday.” My voice came out unfazed. “I don't have the energy for this now, Hongjoong." I said, as I stepped out from his cage and went to open the door. But as I opened the door it was shot back right then, as I saw a hand on it pushing it back with a force.

"Don't you dare to run away from me, sugar!" He said stepping close to my back, whispering it into my neck.

I slowly turned around, looking at him sharply. "What if I am?" My voice came out a little teasingly.

He suddenly pushed me against the door by my neck, his hands around it like a chain.

"You can't run away; I won't let you." He leaned closer to my face, his hands tightening around my neck. It wasn't hurtful, he had got me in a chokehold but still, I felt like it was the most caring touch I have ever experienced.

I stayed quiet, I couldn't really say anything at all, because of his hands around my neck. My heart was racing quickly as I tried to breathe.

"I think about you all the fucking time, you drive me crazy, and I just can't watch standing still as someone else is touching you." He said with a tone I never heard from him, it whispered possession and safeness.

"Why?" This was the only word I could somehow push over my lips.

His hands got loose around my neck, as he slowly started caressing the two sides of my face. "Because you are mine, and mine only." His lips were almost touching mine as his voice came out so demanding I felt like I'm going to melt right into his hands.

I wanted to kiss him so badly, I felt like I couldn't breathe without him anymore. But I had one last question.

"Why are you doing all of this? This protective side of you and shit." I tried to explain my question as I wanted to know why was I this important to him.

"I promised your dad I'm going to protect you at all costs." His eyes were now on the wall next to me, he looked like some memories were playing in front of him. Some bad memories, because his eyes started to water.

"Hey, look at me." I cupped his face, lifting his head towards me to look into my eyes.

"What happened? Do you know something about my father's death?" I looked at him my eyes full of concern as I saw how suddenly Hongjoong got influenced by some memories.

"I—It's…yes." He looked into my eyes, but he seemed like he wasn't there, it felt like he was in a memory at this moment.

"Tell me Hongjoong, please. I don't fucking know a thing about how he died, about what happened. Does Yunho know?" My voice got weaker as I was on the verge of crying.

He just nodded. "We didn't tell you because we didn't want to put you in danger. All of this shit is dangerous, as your dad experienced it on his own. The gang, that attacked you two weeks ago killed your father." He was looking at me, trying to explain all the things that happened in the past. But as he said those words 'killed your father', everything went quiet for a moment, I thought I might die right there. Tears started to appear in my eyes.

He continued. "He was part of that criminal gang, it was a trader gang, still is, doing some illegal trading shit, with guns and even people. We didn't know how your father got into that gang, we only found it out the day when he died." Hongjoong's voice cracked a little, getting weaker and weaker. My breathing started to get quicker as I was listening to him.

"It was one morning when we were in the kitchen. You and Yunho were already in school, and I was alone with your father when suddenly some people broke into the house and kidnapped both of us. I didn't know what the hell was happening, and your dad said nothing at all, just to shut up.” His face looked full of emotions, as if he was back on that day, experiencing it again. “They took us somewhere, I don't know, it looked like an abandoned factory. They tied us to a chair. And suddenly they were arguing about some stolen money and a man who got saved by your father, so they couldn't trade him. I didn't really understand what was happening. They started to be rough, they threw your dad on the floor. I have only some memories about the whole thing..." He suddenly stopped; his eyes were as empty as a black hole. "...I—I saw as they—" His breathing started to quicken, tears rolling down his face. My heart was aching, seeing him like this, my tears blinding my eyes.

"Hey, hey, look at me, Hongjoong." I cupped his face, forcing him to look at me. Now it was my turn to help him out. "It's okay, it was a long time ago." I tried to bring him back here, into the present.

He grabbed my wrists, looking into my eyes with so much guilt, that his eyes were screaming at me. "I— couldn't do anything, Y/N—they killed him right there…and I couldn't do anything at all." He started to sob, hiding his face in my neck. "His last words were to protect you no matter what. And I promised—I promised I'd never let anything happen to you." He mumbled into my neck, his voice barely recognizable. I was frozen; I couldn't perceive what he just said. Suddenly I didn't know where I was. I only felt Hongjoong against me, as he let his heart out, confessing his sins to me, without fear. The fact that my father was killed also killed half of my heart, leaving emptiness on that side. And the fact that Hongjoong saw it all and blamed himself killed the other half of my heart, leaving me heartless as my thoughts flew at me like furious birds, killing every part of me.

I was suddenly a bird in a cage, not even wanting to leave the emptiness.

My subconscious reached for my hands to bury them in Hongjoong's black and blonde hair. Trying to calm him down, as I couldn't even calm myself. "It's okay, Joong. It's not your fault." I said quietly.

He slowly lifted his head and looked at me with red eyes, tears still on his face. "We tried—alongside Yunho, we tried to get revenge for him. We entered that gang with pen names so they didn't know who we were. They didn't recognize me, as I bleached my hair like this back then. At first, the plan was working really well, they didn't know who we were. Then somehow, they found out, and that's when they started to attack you and us too." He looked down at the floor, looking guilty, looking like he already accepted his fate.

I slowly buried my face in my palms, as I needed to process all the things he said. This was fucked up; the whole situation was so fucked up, I didn't know what to do.

"You knew… you knew the whole time how my father died and you didn't tell me…" I said as little tears rolled down my face, without my knowing. "Yunho pretended he didn't know it, he lied to my fucking face, kept me like a bird in a cage…" I didn't feel anything at this point, I never felt this heartbroken. My chest was hurting, I felt like my heart was burning at that moment, leaving only ashes behind.

Hongjoong looked at me with wide eyes, trying to say something, but words didn't come out. "I could've helped if I knew…We could've avenged him, together. But I was a fucking princess closed in a tower that had no exit, Hongjoong. I lost all of my feelings." I was crying now, tears rolling down my face like a waterfall. "You two were there for each other, but who was there for me? Huh? No one." I was angry at him, at Yunho, at myself for letting my anger off on Hongjoong. "Yunho got into this shit because of you." I pointed at him, losing all of my sanity. He couldn't say anything as his face told me too many things. Disappointment, sadness, guilt, regret. Anger took me over, so I said some things I didn't mean at all. "My father died because of you, Hongjoong." That was the stupidest sentence that had ever escaped my mouth, but I said it, and there was no turning back, as Hongjoong's face returned to its emotionless position, where I just couldn't read anything.

I couldn’t look at him anymore, as I turned over, opening the door. I wanted to disappear from there, I didn't want to be near him. I just wanted to disappear from the world. As I realized what I had said to him, my heart was clenching, and I felt shame crawling into my heart, not wanting to leave it. I went out into the dark, chilly night, I just wanted to clear my head, and the only solution was to go as far as possible from here. I sat in my car, turned on the engine, and drove away from this shitty town, running away from my problems, as this was the easiest thing to do.

≫ The red string connecting us now bleeds,

Leaving drops of blood behind,

Showing the way towards me ≪

-Previous Part- Next Part>

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clownmoontoon · 1 month ago

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WAAUAUGHHGH HELLO FRIENDS ITS UPDATE TIME!!!!!

if you have or havent kept up w my talky posts lately heres a general rundown of all the things + an update! A LOT'S BEEN GOIN ON ALDKJASD

this is the promised more detailed break down of events, so feel free to scroll down to the end to get the TLDR!! <3

i realized thru therapy n talkin to friends/my sisters that my mother is an Abusive Gaslighting Narcissist (thank u therapist i love this title sm) and a whole lotta things in my life started making sense (like why i felt worthless/like a burden! my mom was actively trying to make me feel this way lol!!)

SO i reconnected w my sisters who i hadnt spoken to in ages bc i thought they hated me (guess why lol) and started keeping them updated win all the happenings that were happening! we agreed to keep our reconnection a secret from our mom for now, as it became clear she had tried to keep the three of us apart so she could guilt us separately for money and we wouldnt ask any questions if stories told to one didnt make sense with the other (none of them made sense LOL)

tho i tried to keep it on the dl it was hard to hide the fact that i was now aware abuse was happening, even if i didnt say anything i had p much decided to stop grovelling/begging for love/begging for respect bc i realized my mom was never gonna give me any of that no matter how much money i gave her ( in retrospect it sounds obvious when i put it like that but when youve been living it your whole life its quite a shock! :,o) ) so the lack of grovelling/paying for love started to make my mom quite angry and she started to escalate her abuse bc at this point none of us were giving her any money and she was aware i had money and was refusing to give it (i told her i had to save for one of my kitten's spay surgery, which was true, and the idea that i would use my money for anything other than giving to her made her veeerry angry) suddenly there wasnt enough money for food, not enough money for gas to drive me to work ( a less than 5 min drive vs a nearly 45 minute walk with no sidewalk along a busy road aa), etc u get the idea all the while my mom kept trying to guilt me for more money while always seeming to suddenly have the money when i kindly held my ground and refused to give anything (she kept buying her blonde hair dye, kept getting her car washed, buying JUST enough food for when she was in the house etc) in the end walking all that way was good bc the 5 min car ride was a lot more stressful and i was able to stop and get food on the way during this time i had talked w friends and my sisters about moving out, I REALLY WANTED TO, but no one could house me and my four cats and honestly i dont fault any of them for that, taking on a whole other person is a lot, much less someone w four cats no matter how well behaved they are ^^;

as my mom got angrier she made it clear how much of a burden i was now that i was saving my money, telling me the sooner i move out the better, threatening to call police if i dont leave etc (all very clear bluffs in hopes that id pay up out of fear, she refuses to admit she relies on me to take care of the house and her dogs) until one day i was taking notes on a class on my laptop and she walked in front of me and slammed my laptop shut and started ranting about why should i get to use the water or electricity etc essentially telling me i wouldnt be allowed to shower, take classes or do work until i started giving her all my money

also for those who dont know i wasnt living with her bc im a huge bum that loves mooching off my mom lmao we had an agreement, and she emphatically told me that i didnt need to pay to live there so long as i was working on my career and took care of my cats -> all things i continued to do despite it all lmao shes just very good at making me feel worthless enough that i give her all my money, i have no savings bc of this and didnt even realize why asdkl;jasd

ANYWAY one night she got angry enough that i genuinely felt scared, i had mentioned before that in my teens and early 20s i thought my mom was going to kill me and hadnt felt that way in some years til that night the look in her eyes was so ... dark? like immediately i felt "oh shes going to hurt me" she didnt, she just walked past me and didnt say anything but the look was there. i called both of my sisters the next day and told them that if anything happened to me to not believe our mom if she said it was an accident or that i did smth to myself etc and that 100% she did it and did it on purpose that was enough for my oldest sister who said suddenly during the call "what if i just come get you??" my oldest sister lives in virginia and i lived in ga which is a roughly 8 hour drive so i didnt think she'd really do that, and i reminded her i have 4 cats to which she responded "FUCK MY LANDLORD" LMAO she has a big house and told me theres plenty of room and tho the landlord said no more cats (she already has two and theyre registered as therapy animals) they hardly ever visit and always call first so we can do a quick hide or take the kitties for a ride or smth when they come

SOOOO SHE DROVE DOWN ON SUNDAY, STAYED IN A HOTEL, CAME MONDAY MORNING WHILE OUR MOM WAS AT WORK, HELPED PACK UP ALL MY STUFF INCLUDING MY KITTIES AND WE MADE OUR GREAT ESCAPE!!! \QUQ/

im mostly settled in my sister's house now and things are going great!! everyday im realizing just How Bad my mom's house was and it boggles my mind!!! ive never Not lived in an abusive home and finally being out is like!!! WHAT!!! it may sound small but just being able to wash my clothes and have food whenever im hungry is such a BIG DEAL to me and its just a given here and im rolling around like WHAT IS THIS LMAO ALSO MY CATS HAVE MADE THEMSELVES AT HOME AND ARE SO HAPPY AND COMFY AND THEY PLAY EVERYDAY AND ARE REALLY ENJOYING THE STAIRS BC THEYVE NEVER EXPERIENCED STAIRS BEFORE LMAO AND EVERYONE HERE LOVES TO PET AND CUDDLE THEM!!! \QUQ/ IM SO HAPPY!!! <3<3

TLDR: MY SISTER MOVED ME INTO HER BIG HOUSE IN VA W ALL 4 OF MY CATS AND THINGS ARE GOING GREAT \QUQ/

#clown honks #WHAT A SAGA #also i havent heard from my mom since i left but i did leave a note!

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lamieresoul · 2 months ago

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Hi!!!! I love your Greg x Lane fanfic and edits! What do you think about the latest HSR update??? Any thoughts on Greg's romance route? Thank you!

AWW, thank you so much~!! 💞🫂

I appreciate your kind words more than you know! 🩷

My thoughts on the latest HSR update, I liked it!

Greg got more screen-time & FINALLY a CG! 🙌🏽 (A good one at that! He's so HOT oml!! 🥵💓 His BODYYY, face-card 10/10 💋) Took til S2 to get a second CG... 🫥🦗 But, had a cute ankle tickle scene, a hallway walk & hug, unzipping Lane's nightgown for her, Greg giving Lane one of his shirts (FREAKING ADORABLE SHIRT BTW with the bunnies 🥹), they cuddle, sleep in a gym together, & Greg gives her a piggy back ride afterwards. I'd say, with how minimal his previous scenes are in S1 this is a meal in comparison. So, the update kept me fed lmao. 😭❤️

All pretty Greg coded romance scenes. I just hope there will be a pick up of intensity at some point though. I know that even with my 'Promise' story it was light-hearted for the most part but I would've liked for the gym scene to have ended more like that. Reciprocation, direct communication, cute slightly intense moment, & them finally touching more and/or a kiss.

The 2 main LIs scenes every update their audience eats GOOD. With Greg scenes feels like being on the brink of starvation and getting fed left over crumbs every now & then. 💀 But, sometimes, I have to realize that there isn't enough people playing his route for his to receive the same attention. It's unfortunate but it's the truth. They don't get much money from routes like Greg's.

If I do see anything pertaining to Greg it's usually because someone just wanted to test out his route on a 2nd slot or something. It's not like a 'He's my main choice." for most people. For me and my friend, @yeullove, that loves Greg too that's the case for us, but not the majority. There's very few people who post about him 24/7. And, if they do, it doesn't receive as much attention as the other 2 main LIs... That's their routes no hate at all, I'm just comparing.

Also... this lingering issue with his sister. I feel it keeps lingering & it breaks my heart bc this should've been addressed as soon as Lane saw Emma's message. Now every interaction it's a constant, "I'm hiding this info from him because I want him to stay oblivious." Like, GIRL. 🙄 I don't like this constantly clouding over his route. And, if this ends up making him 'leave' for a couple episodes and come back towards the end of a season to avoid adding to his route... 😐😑😐

I just hope for next update his route will pick up speed. I really wish there were more build up though. In S1, I would've loved for more dialogue scenes & learning more about Greg. If there was that initial proper build up, we could've got a kiss scene this update. It would've made sense with the timing but it's like their relationship feels delayed & stifled. I understand with Greg's personality type it's not going to be some kind of all consuming, possessive, obsessive type romance but there needs to be more.

Cute Greg coded scene ideas like if you're exclusively on his route it'd be nice to have him visit her in her room to check on her. Him giving her cute compliments, small scenes of Lane noticing Greg looking at her, Greg bringing her food & coming to eat with her alone, Greg could tell her random geology facts, Greg putting his necklace on Lane, holding hands, LIKE SOMETHING!! It doesn't have to be long scenes. Small scenes like I mentioned could really bring his route to life and make his route feel more fleshed-out!

Anyways, that all of my yapping. 😭🩷

#rc #rc greg #romance club #rc hsr #rc heaven's secret requiem #lami.asks #sorry this was long 🤠#ty for the ask anon! <3

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purplefixations · 2 years ago

Text

The Best Thing We Never Planned

In honor of the most recent David audio, here is my mind started thinking after I finished listening to it. This is what I think would happen the next morning.

(in the mates gc)

Angel: *picture of David cuddled up to them, sleeping peacefully*

Angel: my fiance is the cutest😍😍😍

Baabe: aww, im saving this for future black mail

Baabe: WAIT!!!

Sweetheart: We're not gonna breeze past that like you didn't say what you just said!

Baabe: i swear to god if you're messing with us!

Baabe: angel answer your phone

Sweetheart: If this is a joke I'm gonna kill you, very slowly

Angel: what do yall want?

Angel: oh...

Baabe: "ya'll" lmao

Baabe: you're around sam too much

Sweetheart: What you mean oh?

Angel: u guys didnt know?

Baabe: NOO?!

Baabe: ash didn't either

Sweetheart: Same with milo

Angel: hold up, how do I know they that didnt know and just kept it a secret?

Baabe: look at my bf and tell me he can keep a secret :/

Baabe: also, I screeched when I saw the word "FIANCE" and he wanted to know why...

Angel: u screeched?

Baabe: I WAS SUPPRISED OKAY!!!

Sweetheart: And I thought milo was jumpy 😂

Baabe: don't pick on me sweetheart, you still havent answered the question.

Sweetheart: Oh, I asked Milo if he knew as soon as I saw the text

Angel: why...

Sweetheart: I assumed he knew and just forgot to tell me

Angel: and he didnt?!

Sweetheart: nope

Sweetheart: It seems David decided not to tell anyone, not surprising tho

Sam: Why is my phone blowing up all at once?

Baabe: scroll up

Sam: Congratulations Angel

Angel: DID U KNOW?!?

Sam: No, no one told me exactly. But Tank mentioned something a few days ago about David and serious commitments, so I'm not exactly supried

Baabe: TANKER KNEW?!????

Sam: Maybe, I can ask.

Sweetheart: I mean, David has been trying to actually include Tank in pack/friend stuff, so maybe this was one of the things.

Baabe: makes sense, tho ash and milo might feel a bit betrayed lol

Sam: They said that David asked them for help with what to say to not sound too cheesey. They also said that it was still extremely sappy in the end.

Angel: it was but it was a nice kind of sappy

Baabe: awwwww

Baabe: what'd he say?

Angel: i dont really remember the words

Angel: it was very long and i think i started crying near the beginning of it all...

Sweetheart: Haha, crybaby

Baabe: HEY! the only one aloud to call them baby is David, back off

Angel: YEAH

Sweetheart: Is this you saying that David calls you a crybaby, and you like it?

Angel: WAiT

Baabe: hahaha

Baabe: masochist

Angel: do you want me to put you on blast? cuz i have receipts

Sam: Okay, I'm going to stop this before it gets out of hand. Again, congrats Angel.

Angel: thanks sam

Sweetheart: Congratulations from me and milo

Baabe: and milo?

Sweetheart: He's been asking for live updates on this situation

Sweetheart: He has also demanded that he gets to help David pick out a suit

Angel: he has to take that up with davey, but honestly that might be a good idea

Baabe: why?

Angel: i love him very much, but he lives in clothes just nice enough to look presentable.

Angel: and dirty work clothes

Baabe: haha

Baabe: ash says congrats too

Baabe: he's been reading this over my shoulder for the last few minutes

Angel: that tracks

Angel: thx tho

Sweetheart: On a serious note, if either of you need any help with filing marriage paper work for an empowered and non-empowered through dump, let me know

Baabe: is it hard?

Sweetheart: I wouldn't say hard, but it's a bit complicated and a lot

Angel: ill keep it in mind Sweets thx

Baabe: getting off that serious note

Baabe: ash made a meme and wants me to send it to you all

Angel: GIMME!!!

Baabe:

Angel: HahAhHAha

Sweetheart: Is that Aggro?

Baabe: he says yes

Angel: is he actually upset?

Baabe: nah, he's just dramatic

Sweetheart: pls tell me he sent that to David

Baabe: he did

Angel: hes still asleep so don't expect a response yet

Baabe: he's still asleep? I thought he was an early riser and shit?

Angel: normally, but i think the solstice tired him out

Sweetheart: It's probably an emotional vulnerability hangover

Angel: lmao

Baabe: haha

Sam: So it's not just Tanker who gets those.

Angel: LMFAO!!!

Angel: theyre too fucking similar

Baabe: hehehe

Baabe: oh shit, if i die pls have a picture of me at your wedding

Angel: ofc, but why r u dying?

Baabe: I didn't notice that ash left, and I smell smoke

Sweetheart: I'll make sure it's a cute picture

Baabe: bless you

Angel: oof, go make sure your mans didnt commit arson

Baabe: 👍

------------------

Bonus:

"Angel, why did Asher and Milo send me vaguely threatening memes?"

"Ooohh. Yeah, that's on you."

"Why?"

"You're the one that didn't tell your best friends that you were proposing."

"I didn't tell them because they cant keep a secret. If I told them, they'd tell their mates, which would be fine but then everyone would start dropping hints and you'd get suspicious."

"Tanker tells Sam everything and you told them."

"How do you know I told Tanker?"

"As I said, they tell Sam everything."

"What- Did you add him to your weird group chat?"

"It's not weird Davey, and besides, he enjoys it."

"I don't know why I bother at this point."

"Because you love me!"

"Yeah. I do, you snot."

Idk how it got this long, I was not planning for that. I wrote this over the span of two ten minute breaks and my lunch at work, so that's why it's kinda chaotic. Anyways, love y'all <3

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted headcanons #redacted fluff #redacted shaw pack #redacted david #redacted angel #redacted sweetheart #redacted babe #redacted sam #david x angel

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marcusdoodlesalot · 9 months ago

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How did you first get into Shadlink?

I'm so glad you asked. I was first introduced to Shadlink through the @ask-lu-wild (sorry for the tag) blog and kinda fell in love with it. Twilight Princess was always kinda a game I really, really wish I could have played and loved the story of, even watching a play through of it over and over again. Plus, I like when people make characters gay and make gay ships, it's always fun lmao

But what really solidified it for me as a favorite ship was reading @saiyuri-dahlia's (again, sorry for the ping) works, especially the works The History of Us (which, yes, I am re reading that for the millionth time) and Happiness Comes in Waves (which is one I think you would enjoy, Bre, if you ever want to try and get into it, if not, it's still a fun read)

Then, of course, I read pretty much every fic in the Link/Shad tag on AO3, which made me sad, as I kept rereading all the fics on there and it very rarely got updated with anything new, which, fair, it's a rare pair, not many people think of that red headed bird nerd too often.

But that's what got me writing Shadlink in particular. Not many people where writing Shadlink (especially in the Linked Universe fandom) and I desperately wanted more content so I decided to try my hand at it! Sure, it doesn't get too many reads, but at least I'm having fun!

Honestly that's one of the main reasons I started writing Good Enough. Partially to get more content, partially to try my hand at a multi chapter fic, partially because @tashacee (sorry, to everyone I tagged, sorry, really) told me I should (honestly, Thank you Tash for doing that, I've had so much fun writing this fic and I gained friends because of it, you're really awesome and thanks so much for letting me rant incoherently at you about it)

But yeah, if you like the idea of Gay Nerd and Gay Cowboy, it's a fun ship!

Thank you so much for the ask, if you couldn't tell, I love talking about those two nerds <3

#Marcus Barks #ask box #Shadlink

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merionettes · 9 months ago

Note

rubicon ask!!

first off I'm so so delighted that I picked up FE3H last summer and that it led me to finding your writing & especially this fic. what an amazing experience, what a treat with every update, I have all these fun memories now of places I was when I got the update email (and screamed internally every time). a little collection of sense memories colored in.

as for the actual question: very curious about your process. did you have an outline going in? I have to imagine yes (or else you're braver than black friday shoppers). how did you go about structuring this, ie did you have a series of Moments in your head that you wrote around and connected, or did you try to build scenes to fit the arcs you had in mind, or a mix of the two? anything and everything you want to share, I'm 🤲

you're killing me!!! man, thanks so much, seriously.

as for the actual question, indeed. hahaha. ha. i delayed answering this for so long because it kept devolving into an essay about the emotional experience of writing a novel for the first time. well i give up. this is now two posts. one is the actual answer to your question, only ten times longer than it needs to be. the other is an essay about the emotional experience of writing a novel for the first time. so… caveat lector.

first part under the cut. ← not kidding about the caveat!!!!!!

i've talked a little about the process before, so i'll piggyback on that post and dig a little more into the differences between the original idea and the finished product, including spoilers i couldn't get into when i'd only posted 55k. ("only." god.)

technically this did start with an outline. technically because at the time i was brand-new to fe3h and hadn't written anything but a few friend-ficlets in about 8 years. thought "skating au!!", spent a fevered weekend outlining all the major scenes, started in on the writing, and…. very quickly realized that i was nowhere near competent enough to actually. write it. "intensely frustrating" does not even scratch the surface, lmao, of what it felt like to have this thing in my head and only be able to produce what felt like the worst clumsiest tritest version of it. very apropos for skating, actually.

looking back on that outline, it had almost nothing to do with the finished product, especially on felix's side. it didn't have the nationals flounce, the timeskip, training in vancouver, the lake, the nhk trophy sports anime climax, the backstory reveal meltdown. (it did have the redemptive healing free skate.) what, critically, it did have was sylvain's personal arc—burned out, desperate to quit, wants to go to college. it ended at exactly the same place as the actual story, with sylvain and dorothea's final skate together. the last line was one of the earliest things i wrote.

in other words, even though almost everything between the first and last scene changed WILDLY in the process of writing, i always knew exactly what i was working towards and that was invaluable.

insert two year timeskip here! during which i would occasionally reopen the skating doc, take a stab at another scene, feel this ominous sense of foreboding, and give up lol. you can thank the 2022 winter olympics for making me get serious, specifically 1) yuzuru hanyu going out in a blaze of bittersweet doomed quad axel glory 2) shoma uno losing to some eighteen year old. i believe my exact words were (consults notes) "anyway time to go back to my fic where i control the narrative and i decide who wins." idk what made this attempt different than any of the others—right time, right inspiration, right circumstances—but this time it caught fire. in uh. in a big way.

so that's when i wrote what i refer to in that post as a skeleton draft and what i've since come to think of as a storyboard on steroids. this is when felix's arc really took shape, beyond "he is sad… he is mad… he is perfectly positioned to see right through sylvain." the fallout from nationals crystallizing, in particular, was one of the things that snapped felix into place and helped determine the tone and focus of the story overall. (that initial outline had much more of a romcom/classic fwb-to-lovers feel.)

the other thing that did this, of course, was sylvain's narrative voice. when i committed to "burnout who is controlling every single word of every thought to avoid admitting that he is burned out" was when this story became what it is. the voice dictated every single scene, the tone, the shape, what was revealed, what was implied, what was never making it on the page. it led me places i didn't anticipate. it made the cuts for me! cute scene you've got in that outline lol sylvain would never.

i see past me in that post dancing around the length, lmao. well the ""storyboard"", the skeleton, whatever you want to call it, was over 100k. and yet even then, EVEN WITH 100K ON PAPER, there was still so much i had no fucking clue was coming! felix pushing sylvain on what he wants was there, but sylvain never explained what happened. my oc jm gautier (thanks for nothing, three hopes!!!) was an ominous presence, but he wasn't the final boss. there was no memory of the first time sylvain and dorothea met. (<- insane.) there was no glenn skate. i had to write to discover all of that.

so like—i cannot emphasize how much i grew as a writer through the experience of writing this story. prose, structure, character arcs, thematic arcs. i was harder on myself than i've ever been. and if i hadn't had that end goal in sight i don't know if i would have made it through all those iterations—storyboarding, drafting, rewriting, editing. wanting to deliver that moment powered me through any amount of frustration/exhaustion/bewilderment.

wow this post sounds almost normal. nothing about this experience was normal. which is why you're getting a part 2.

#sorry op for hijacking your ask for my own personal catharsis #extremely long post #rubicon #writing #ask

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neodreamgirl · 9 months ago

Text

~Manifesting Seunghan's Return~

I am writing this post so that I can manifest Seunghan's return. Do I think it will work? Absolutely not LMAO however, I do think it is worth trying. For God's sake I just want to see my boy back with his 6 goofy friends ripping stages and making history.

Now, I don't follow any specific template or rules when I want to manifest something. I don't do crystals or do tarot readings for this. I literally put it into the universe by speaking or writing it down and put my trust into all the things I PERSONALLY BELIEVE IN to make things happen. What exactly do I say or write? My gut feelings, hopes and thoughts. That's it.

Mmkay...I shall begin

-Recently a former member of NCT made a comeback that no one was expecting or even wanting...with the exception of his fans. I'm not sure why, but something tells me to expect something similar in the case of Seunghan. There are many people that think he (Seunghan) is going to get kicked out of RIIZE after going quiet for probably as long as the former NCT member. Because SM is...SM, I can understand why some people would believe that and honestly, I don't see why I should throw that option out the door because quite honestly, I don't know what the fuck goes on behind it.

-HOWEVER, in Seunghan's case, if he were to make a comeback and return to our precious RIIZE, I strongly believe it will be after RIIZE has established itself as a group. My gut is telling me that it is likely that he returns after they drop their mini album, however, it isn't clear. My gut is telling me that their management is taking this very seriously because they invested a lot in RIIZE and are hoping that they are the next big group in SM. Also, I am not too sure what my gut means exactly when it says that Seunghan is likely to come back after RIIZE establishes itself as a group. I don't know if it means winning a specific award or what exactly.

-If his comeback is RIIZE's next comeback, which I believe will be their mini album, then we should expect to see random sightings of him, which have already started. Two people claimed to have spotted him shopping in Hongdae in late February. Literally today (Marh 06) an article was released that confirmed RIIZE will have a comeback next month, and in this article they mentioned all 7 members. Then, the article was updated to not mention him... Suddenly his name is making noise again.

-I feel like his team genuinely does not want him to be removed from RIIZE, though. I think many of them believe that the backlash he received was insane and unfair.

-When he comes back, there will 100% be a song about regret

-I think there is a huge likelihood that he will return to us because his scandals were not crimes or morally wrong. I'm mad they're even called scandals tbh but anyway

-I have two images in my head: a twitter post about seunghan in a couple of years praising him for his hard work and remembering the nonsense he was put through in his early debut days. The post praises him for overcoming obstacles that he faced and for becoming one of the most celebrated idols....the second one is another twitter post that feels very sad. The person that wrote the post feels like Seunghan was wronged and is disappointed...The post is also in the future, years from now.

-I don't feel the second post as strongly as the first.

-Idk I keep seeing these images in my head that feel like relief, praise, and bittersweet. Compilation videos of the RIIZE members looking at Seunghan fondly

Okay...Enough about my thoughts and gut feelings...

I hope that Seunghan returns to us very soon. I hope the people around him acknowledge how unnecessary this "hiatus" is. I understand that they probably felt like hiding him because they didn't want to tarnish the group's image (whatever), but it has been far too long. I think they kept him locked away because they realized RIIZE was riding a high wave and they didn't want any scandal to interrupt them.

Actually now that I think about it...What if my gut feeling of them waiting for RIIZE to be more established is actually them waiting for the right time for them to garner enough fans and anticipation to release theirr first mini album? RIIZE has established itself as a pretty powerful rookie group despite all the "backlash" they received (using the word backlash very loosely here btw). They have the entire industry waiting on their mini album so what if now is when Seunghan returns?!

I don't want to get anyone's hopes up, but right now would be a good time to bring him up IF what I am saying is true... Anyway,

I hope that Seunghan is able to return to practice with his friends. I wish for him to be locked in and focused in the studio making music with his friends. I want Seunghan to tell the world how cute he thinks Sohee is, how Shotaro is actually the real maknae, I want to see him play around with Eunseok. I want to see him dance with Shotaro and Wonbin. I want him to joke around with Anton. I need to see him talking to Sungchan. I hope that all of these things can be done soon, on camera, for the entire world to see. I want the world to see Seunghan as a member of RIIZE. RIIZE has to promote as a 7 member group.

RIIZE is a 7 member group.

7. 7. 7. 7. 7. 7. 7.

Seunghan will return.

7. 7. 7. 7. 7. 7. 7.

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merrybandofmurderers · 6 months ago

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I love all the different ships you have! There's no limits, anyone in the lore is game! 🤩 I've seen OC x OC on your dash before, especially on wip wednesdays, and I've read a few~ Now, though... I kinda wanna know more! Are you just making them up as you go? Do they all have some (wip?) stories to go along with them?

(the Iron Bull x Sable x Fenris and Briala x Zenith are especially interesting to me... 🫣)

so i've actually like, played-played very few of my ocs. i've made all of them--and thus played the first quest--in game at least once (altho some have appearances i need to update), but long-term playtime is more sparse. i do tend to figure out my oc's personalities BY playing, so as a result, some ocs are more fleshed out than others

i've slowed down on the oc-making, but when i first started playing in,, 2018? 2019?? i just kept getting more and more ideas the more i played, and then i'd have to start over to make the next, and then the next

see, i only started playing dragon age FOR the ocs. becuz i LOVE making ocs! even for original writing, it's always been my favorite part of story-telling. and by far the best part of dragon age--and the thing that keeps me here tbqh--is the fandom aspect of sharing ocs and talking about ocs and doing oc memes and getting commissions of your ocs and making your ocs kiss your friends' ocs. ahem

anyway. i STILL haven't played dao and da2 (altho i WILL, if for no other reason than i have so many oc ideas for them), but inquisition was enough to spawn LOTS of oc concepts. um, i just counted and it looks like i've plateaued at 64 lmao (not counting kids cuz there's only a few that i'm completely decided on)

i do plan to write SOMETHING for every oc. not as involved as the pavellan or tranquil oc fics, but something. i've got a handful already in the works and several more in the planning stages

so i did start with the canon origins and canon romances but,, that obviously did not keep me satisfied lmao. i have certain characters selected as inquistors with others being strictly companions (atp most of my ocs are "companion ocs")

i'm not really sure how to explain this, but basically all of my ocs exist in thedas at once, with different handfuls all being part of individual worldstates. in each worldstate there is a designated inquisitor with others being companions, and that is those characters' story. but regardless of which worldstate is at the fore, the rest are still in thedas doing their thing, either related to their origin or working for the inquisition more distantly (i really need to make a spreadsheet for this)

there are some ocs though that are designated "inquisition agents" that are technically present in every worldstate even if they don't feature in the individual story. sable and zenith are two of those. they are part of a vigilante squad that travels thedas helping alienages. the other two members are jude and wren. in every iteration they end up joining the inquisition as agents

the four of them originate from the starkhaven alienage. sable (ze/they) is from another alienage that was purged and ze settled in starkhaven with wren's family. zenith (ze/zir) is the child of a ben-hassrath who gave birth in the alienage while on the run and gave zir up to an elven couple. jude (they/them) is a half-elf/half-dwarf mage, their mother being an alienage elf and their father a carta dwarf. wren (he/him) is the most normal of the lot, being your average city elf

sable is a two-handed warrior, and ze develops a romance with bull; after the inquisitor [unspecified] leaves hawke in the fade, fenris shows up, and in the process of mourning and healing, partners with the pair of them. zenith, a dual-wield rogue, first develops a romance with sera, then gets close with briala during WEWH and begins a romance with her too. jude, the group's mage, romances harding; wren, a sword and shield warrior, romances krem

so. that's a run-down on the oc situation and the ocs you asked about. as established, i LOVE talking about ocs, so you're welcome to ask about any that pique your interest in particular!

#sorry if this is kind of incoherent i've been so busy lately my brain is mush lmao #answers #spainkitty #i used to do lots of ask memes and oc memes i just havent had the mental bandwidth lately but i'll get back to them #but you're welcome to peruse the ''oc stuff'' tag. LOTS of info there altho some of it is outdated atp OTL

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limetameta · 5 months ago

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this started as a meme but turned into an emotional rollercoaster 🎢 and then an uplifting story about mental health?

So not that anyone asked but the thesis is going well which is why i am rewriting retired prometheus lmao

Stuff gets really mentally unhealthy down there

There are 15 google docs full of seperate chapters because bestie's laptop crashed when i tried to put her on the complete rp google doc???? My story kills laptops, what does yours do?

Bestie made a comment that the google doc chapters 1 through 7 is 100 pages long. And only chapter 1 is edited.

We put RP into that word count to page count converter and it says that the entire story is like 1200 pages or something. In comic sans it's like 1500 I think. Which we found delightful.

None of the chapters are updated yet on ao3 but it will end up longer lmao because i am adding scenes to help with pacing. Also to tie in the side stories and prequels.

All of this started because it's finally passed enough time since i wrote the ending that i can look at it objectively. Some parts of the story are very good and don't need as much rehauling though there are still those that haunt me.

There's this arc i dubbed The fucked arc in the story and i was going through quite possibly the worst part of my life and the writing is ineligible. I barely understand what's happening there. The sentence structure is all over the place. I only vividly remember not sleeping nights and wondering if I was supposed to kill myself and since the answer was yes, if I was going to do it tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. But I didn't want to die until I had finished retired prometheus, so i continued.

The writing in the fucked arc is bad, the content inside the writing is very vivid and heavy and why the folks who read my works endured until the writing got better again. I think about every review that encouraged me. I held onto those reviews like a lifeline and said: Well I promised I'd see this through. So I can't really end it yet. Abraxas and Tom haven't reunited yet for fucks sake *me wading through shitty sentences and awful pacing and a heinous mental breakdown* I need the toxic gays to kiss goddammit!

By the time I actually finished RP I had gotten into therapy and sorta healed. I say sorta because I never actually shook off what happened to me that year. I just kept thinking about it much less. But when I would remember it I would be consumed by my thoughts and I wouldn't really be able to get anything done.

Really the weirdest part was I thought that I was on a timer. Like I ever listened to timers to begin with. But I really rushed the updates like Hamilton in that Non stop song. Because I didn't know if I'd be alive to see the next update. If I'd jump in front of a car or if I'd drown in the sea off the coast of a beach I frequented.

Every big hiatus you'd see in retired prometheus on that chapter index page represents this really low point in my life. Because I only thrive in creative works when I am okay. When I am not deeply unwell. Back then I was.

I didn't really think about what others would say, but I only kept thinking about what a hassle it would be to kms. Though dying would be better than living on. Like that justice statue I'd be weighing the pros and cons of dying to myself. I'd try to get myself to have enough bravery to do it only to falter at the last second and be like as long as nobody knows why I want to do it, I can still pretend like my life isn't over. I can still smile through it and no one will be able to tell but me.

There's a photograph a friend of mine took with her professional camera of me from the summer of the fucked arc and I look like I'm ten years older than I am now. You could really just see the stress. Maybe my friend couldn't or she didn't know what I usually smiled like. I know my own honest smile and that's not something I can expect others to know. But my god I don't think I've ever been in more pain than I was then. Pro tip: don't zoom in on photos of yourself if you're going thru it! I personally think being a chain smoker for 30 years would have given me a kinder face.

Anyway writing would kind of be an excuse for me. So even if I hated everything i was writing I'd still post it because I didn't want retired prometheus to end up unfinished.

On so many occasions I bemoaned to bestie if I would ever finish writing retired prometheus because it was a ball and chain tying me to life. But also i kinda really did want to complete one project (ignores tens of tens of finished stories because they're not retired prometheus and they'll never be retired prometheus)

Then to add salt to injury my best friend not bestie kills herself a year later and I'm left like that pikachu meme going Hey Now! Hey! HEY NOW YOUNG MAN!

I felt like a poser because I was out there just thinking things and she was out there DOING IT!

A grief like nothing I had ever experienced struck me. I didn't know a person was able to feel such emotions until that moment. It was razing. It ruined every thought I had.

I realised such a lovely thing that at the time I hated: her death had shocked me out of my apathy. It thrust me into anger. Into something so deeply tangible I was struggling to accept it. She would never be someone I could hug again. Yet she thrust me back into life with such a vice grip I can feel her hands on my shoulders even now.

The people around me couldn't understand what I was going through. They saw me for the first time as someone at risk, because, if a close friend of mine died - then that, in this small minded country, meant that there was a cult going on. That my friend had not killed herself because she didn't see a way out but because she'd been conditioned to do it.

That because she had a rainbow in her Instagram bio and followed queer people. That's why she killed herself. Because queers in the Balkan remain a sect. A predatory group of people who are going to hurt your children and brainwash them.

I didn't want to kill myself anymore. If only because I had finally unlocked spite. Anger and spite got me on a bus. Secretly. My friend didn't tell anyone she was taking a day off work. I didn't tell anyone i was taking a day off work. My friend didn't tell anyone she was going on a bus to the tallest Bridge in our country. She was dead set on never coming back. And she knew we'd try to stop her. I didn't tell anyone where I was going because I knew my mother would scream at me. Just as she screamed at me in fear that I was going to be next.

Being put on the spotlight like that, for all the wrong reasons, made me want to do something I'd been afraid of doing for years.

I got on a bus that day because I was so tired of the Balkan. I was so tired of living in a place that was hell bent on making me feel worthless.

I got off the bus and walked towards a building not too far from the bus stop. Not too far from where I lived even. But I was wearing headphones and sunglasses and a hat and even a scarf. As I looked in the mirror in the hallway I thought that I'd dressed up just as I'd dressed Grindelwald in the Intermission chapters while he was running from the aurors.

If I had killed a person I would not have taken such effort to concealing my identity.

But where I had gone was a crime, you see. Not in a legal sense. But in a sense of *belief*.

What my friend had done could not be judged because she was dead and she didn't care for it anymore.

I could be judged. And I would be judged. Because that was the country I lived in. With the people I lived with. Who are scared to learn better. Who cling to the belief that what their parents know is good and what their parents know was even better.

Perhaps it would have been better for my family if I did kill myself than subject them to this humiliation?

It was summer. Not the summer of the fucked arc, but the fucked arc was still going. I had stopped asking bestie if would finish rp and if I would just get this stupid arc over. She told me I would. I didn't believe her.

My hand was shaking as I knocked on the door. Inside I introduced myself and said I had sent an email. From a burner email with a fake name. I did not want to give out my full name. But I had to. So I did.

Because not feeling anything was something I had accustomed myself to. Feeling so many things to such a degree as I had at the time was worse. I needed help.

HELP! Somebody! NOT JUST ANYBODY! HELP-

Naturally it only took all of 5 minutes for me to be cured of my mental illness and trauma. The therapist was a pro. And I was a writer with a flare for the dramatic.

Nudge nudge wink wink.

No, it took 5 minutes for me to breakdown about my friend killing herself.

5 minutes of me making jokes about trying therapy. 5 minutes of me trying to make light of the situation. 5 minutes of me being on the verge of tears and refusing to break down and be weak. Because I was better than everyone else who really needed therapy, you know. I wasn't mentally ill. I was just going through a tough time.

Mental illness was worse than if I killed myself. If I killed myself I could get away with being a drug addict. Anything was better than being mentally ill in the Balkan.

My therapist, like 5 minutes in: honestly I think everyone in the Balkan is mentally ill its just that nobody is getting any help for it.

Me thinking of every war this country has gone through only a 100 years back. I let a bunch of untreated mentally ill clowns hold me back from asking for help.

And for what???

Judgement???

I was doing something that took so much more bravery than killing myself would have taken. I was doing something no one in my family, for as long as my line has existed, has ever done: I was going to therapy.

I wasn't drinking rakija until I couldn't see. I wasn't smoking until my lungs gave out. I wasn't starving myself. I wasn't flinging myself from one emotion till the next and making others walk around egg shells around me.

It wouldn't be months until I'd tell my mother I was seeing a therapist, because this was a secret still. As if I was having an affair, I would lie and say I was going to the beach or that I was going drinking with friends. And I would take my bus. In the opposite direction both metaphorically and literally to the one my friend took when she decided to end her life.

The therapist was kind. She still is. But I'm glad she was the one who took me on. I didn't tell her about what happened to me, about why the fucked arc is so badly written. I couldn't get the words out of my mouth, my teeth were so gritted. So instead I talked about other fires that needed putting out.

And I thrived creatively. I wrote the ugliest things I've ever written and I loved it. I loved every word I was putting out there. I felt like myself again.

When my mother learned I was going to therapy she started shouting: Are you only going there to complain about what a terrible mother I am?

And I just remember saying: you *and* dad.

Much like you can expect, slavic parents do not understand that therapy is real and helpful. They think that this is like a drug. That if I become addicted to therapy I will not be able to function in society without having to consult my therapist, drink my therapy, and become a shell of myself.

After years of seeing an apathetic ghost, no doubt she blamed therapy for my anger and my outbursts and my having emotions. I, for one, blamed the bitch who killed herself and got me in this mess.

I swear to god this started as a meme post! Please believe me I had no intention of sitting down for hours on the couch to write this. I put on a dungeon and dragons episode from dimension 20 for fucks sake.

My mother is still against therapy. If I had a father I'd ask. But he'd probably say that writing was his therapy. Just like retired prometheus had been mine. No wonder he writes like shit.

A year later I finished retired prometheus and decided I wouldn't look back. Especially because I think the ending bummed a lot of folks out. And I was like you don't know what being bummed out is you fuckers you came to the mentally ill story and got to the end and you won't even leave a review shame on you don't you know I used to use those as a reason to live. Lmaooo actually just like that Key and Peele skit with the give a dollar save a child shtick. Leave a review and I live another day.

This is the part where we de-escalated this post somehow.

I need to go to work tomorrow. I need to sleep.

This rewrite was a long time coming. Because I know I can do better. I have grown so much more as a writer and I want that to be reflected in a story that is like an autobiography to me. I look at a chapter, at a line, and I know what people i used to hang out with. I know which cafes or bars i used to frequent. I read an inside joke and I laugh.

I don't want the fucked arc to hold me back. I know I can make it better.

But I can only do so now after years have passed. After I know with utmost certainty that I am okay.

It wouldn't really be until this year that I felt completely unburdened by the shit I was going through that year when the fucked arc began. So kind of as a commemoration to that I'm rewriting Retired Prometheus.

Gonna give yall some of those dvd menu extra scenes now because ur gonna finally read the deluxe edition.

#Suicidal ideation #I mean it's cringe looking back on it but I had still better tag it so I don't trigger anyone #If you wanna chat friends feel free to dm #Mado #Retired prometheus

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