#my friends and i have been writing our own little stories and this idea didn't quite make the cut

[etheravie]

The Light Catcher's Eulogy

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The similarities were uncanny. She was in Eden, but she wasn't at home—where the wind howled a mourning song to remember all those she and her sister had encased within stone for future generations to see. Red shards pelted the crying land in an eternal hail and pierced the soles of all who trekked forward to make a willing sacrifice. Where Borealis stood, there was nothing. Her breaths were an echo in the quiet. There was no wind nor red shards. The rocks, stone and debris were distributed just as awkwardly as she remembered, but nothing felt right. The King's princess felt estranged in her own land.

"You lied to me," said a young, echoing voice. It was familiar, but Borealis didn't recognize who it belonged to. She couldn't connect the voice to a name. She didn't want to. The haunting realization of her situation froze her heart mid-beat, which now pulsed pure ice and electricity through her veins.

Oblivious to her peril, the voice continued, "Please look at me. It's been so long, Borealis. Or is that a lie, too?"

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Borealis woke up with a gasp. Her hand flew up to her chest and tightly gripped her vest. It was difficult for her to find a grip due to the material and her panicked breathing, which made her fingers shake. She continued until she found purchase. There were dark spots in her vision that followed her wherever she looked and the feeling of adrenaline coursing through her veins caused the edenkid to tremble. Borealis couldn't focus on anything amidst the panic that arose from rising out of slumber, so she tightly shut her eyes.

She never fell asleep. Even after her sister left her side, Borealis' nights remained restless; she would toss and turn uselessly. The comfort of unconsciousness' embrace had never been the same since that first night—when she and her sister closed their eyes only to awaken away from home and in a world they weren't yet prepared to face.

Borealis breathed deeply and continued to lie on the ground with closed eyes, looking for thought within the fog of fear that muddled her mind. Soon she began to feel the invisible but phantom presence of her twin resting by her side. Her expression was peaceful in contrast to last night's nightmare. Their mother's hands combed through Borealis' long hair and lightly scolded her for neglecting to brush it. An overwhelming tranquility overcame the edenkid when she heard a familiar melody, hummed by none other than her father. At the foot of the bed was Rocky, who slept contentedly. He barely managed to squeeze into the room. His light had finally darkened into nothingness. The dark dragon's gentle rumbles reminded Borealis of passing thunder, leaving glorious sun rays in its wake.

After a few minutes, the Eden twin finally found peace. Borealis' fingers loosened so her hand gently rested atop her chest. The gaping, cracked hole beneath her clothes allowed her to better hear and feel the thrum of each heartbeat, the source of which was protected by the crystals that surrounded it. The memory of the jewels' formation made Borealis shudder. The pain of a heart struggling to beat around a cage of crystals was one that no skykid should ever be able to experience. It had been enough to make the edenkid want to tear out her heart to make it stop.

Soft, glowing yellow eyes opened slowly. The sight of a red sky greeted Borealis in a lovely shade of scarlet. Not a cloud was in sight nor was there a hint of a breeze to be felt. The world was still and only moved when Borealis sat up. She took off her mask and rubbed her eyes, internally covering her ears to ignore the sweet whispers of sleep that beckoned her back into its loving embrace, unwilling to part ways so soon when they had her in their grasp for so pleasantly long. They were intermixed with the sound of idle water as Borealis fixed her mask back into place after she drew in a deep, final breath to steady herself. The aftermath of a waterfall within a river; not a ripple to be seen as it lie slumbering in wait for something to awake it into motion again.

Borealis suddenly jumped to her feet and quickly waved her arms and kicked her legs. The water clung to her clothes in a tight hug she never wanted and stained the hem of her pants and the tips of her white finger-loop sleeves. She nearly wrung the soaking fabric out, but hastily removed her hands with a hiss. She was repulsed by the idea of getting any more of her skin wet.

The water around the platform was shallow yet ever present. Each ripple threatened to submerge her ankles and drag her down into the opaque abyss if she dared to take one step forward. Borealis was safe for the moment, but the proximity of the liquid poison made her anxiety race as fast as her heart.

What stole her breath away was what lie above the waters, in the distance, and all around. She finally ripped her eyes away from the puddles to drink in the sea. In front of the light catcher were the ruined remains of her home. Bits of pillars stuck out of the water, left to forever plead for a higher hand to fix what was irreparable. The stone platform that had been so intricately built with love and precision was shattered and strewn about all throughout the realm. Borealis was thankful for the stones' sturdiness while she numbly walked forward, the water lapping at her feet now left forgotten.

Large rocks filled the majority of the expanse. They jutted out like a defective pit of spikes, stretching as high as they could only to fall short of a dream all those who had a light wanted to see. Most of the towering carnage rose in steep, tiny makeshift mountains to offer skykids of all kinds protection from the elements that poured down in an unending hail. Where soft raindrops would once occasionally sprinkle down on a paradise were now unending shards that lacerated skin and drained the light of any poor soul that dared to brave what Eden had to offer. Luckily for Borealis, she had torn hers out years ago.

She walked forward with awe in her eyes. Her breath was just as stilled as the air around her. It was almost suffocating. Borealis felt as though the crystals around her heart had finally developed the strength needed to infiltrate her lungs and choke her from the inside out.

The similarities were uncanny. She was in Eden, but she wasn't at home—where the wind howled a mourning song to remember all those she and her sister had encased within stone for future generations to see. Red shards pelted the crying land in an eternal hail and pierced the soles of all who trekked forward to make a willing sacrifice. Where Borealis stood, there was nothing. Her breaths were an echo in the quiet. There was no wind nor red shards. The rocks, stone and debris were distributed just as awkwardly as she remembered, but nothing felt right. The King's princess felt estranged in her own land.

"You lied to me," said a young, echoing voice. It was familiar, but Borealis didn't recognize who it belonged to. She couldn't connect the voice to a name. She didn't want to. The haunting realization of her situation froze her heart mid-beat, which now pulsed pure ice and electricity through her veins.

Oblivious to her peril, the voice continued, "Please look at me. It's been so long, Borealis. Or is that a lie, too?"

Borealis tried to cover her ears but a cold, hard hand gripped her wrist to stop her. A scream ripped from the edenkid's throat. She whirled around and tried to pull her arm away, but the statue held her hand with a vice grip. She hadn't noticed how close she had been to them before she slowed to a stop. Through the contact, she could neither feel nor hear a heartbeat.

The statue stared at Borealis with her eyes. Light seeped through the cracks within their body like sun rays struggling to part the clouds not unlike the roots of a plant. When she looked at the statue's chest, she saw no light. When she looked beyond it, all of the statues she had previously passed were now watching her with a hatred far beyond that of what her twin once held. Her despair had been enough to destroy their home, but the animosity of the statues' lights within their frozen bodies may as well have been enough to destroy every star in the sky. Their feet dragged against the earth and water while they walked, slowly but surely, steady on their feet. The sound was akin to that of shattering glass. Only this glass was inside of Borealis, clawing at her insides until she was nothing but a husk of the girl she used to be. She had no doubt that the fellow children in front of her would continue to break her body into nothing but dust once she shattered. Borealis knew that she wouldn't be missed. So she ran.

The princess wrenched her arm away from the skykid that attempted holding her back from an inevitable fate. A snap was a thunder strike in the quiet and the following thud was drowned out by the thunder of her footsteps against rubble and water. There was nowhere to go, yet her feet took her to an endless direction. She jumped up and over rubble and the remains of towering pillars that once stood proud and tall like the elders that ruled the realms. The thought made her blood boil and her heartbeat pulse in her ears like a war drum. It wasn't enough to block out the scraping sound that followed her. Every new statue that she passed moved with a newfound breath of life that the wind she stirred up instilled into them. It was easy for her to create distance, but the symphony of the broken and abandoned was a horrific wail. When she first turned around, there were little more than three. Now, there were almost fifteen. Borealis lost count of how many she and her sister had trapped there.

The wind was too strong. Borealis continued on as far as possible until water met sand; up the dune and down until the land flattened into something more stable. The breeze stirred from her parents' prison was wild, tossing her hair and the fabric of her loose clothes. Each step was slowing her enough to match her pursuers', for even the wind wanted to condemn her and push her to a fate worse than being shattered.

Soon, she was knocked down and to her knees. The edenkid was left grasping at the sand to stop herself from being pushed too far back. Never before did Borealis want nothing more than to break through the eye and reach her parents; to beg for forgiveness and be held within the safety of her family's arms. Never before had she ever been more terrified.

The fear she once held towards the elders wasn't fear at all, Borealis realized. That was hatred. This was fear in its purest form.

"Mother! Father!" Borealis cried, reaching out again as though her parents' prison was within reach. Playing pretend was her specialty, but that was impossible now. Not here. "Sister! Help me, please! I need you!"

"We needed you."

Borealis turned around and shouted in fear. When she tried to back away impossibly further, the unseen wall of wind shoved her twice as much toward the army. It looked as though every skykid in the realms had ventured to this strange Eden and turned to stone just to get the opportunity to watch her cower before them. Their faces were stoic despite the cracks and fractures in their bodies. It would kill any skykid within seconds, yet the ones in front of the Eden twin remained held together by something Borealis didn't understand. The word vengeance came to mind much more often than she would like.

The commander was the same soul that had tried to sentence her to an early fate. Borealis wasn't thankful. She was horrified to see that there was a lack of blood that poured out of the shoulder where there was once an arm. Their other lifted to point at her. It felt like a death sentence, so Borealis waited with bated breath. Behind her mask, tears ran down her cheeks and stung her eyes with pins and needles. "You trapped us," said the general. "You killed us when we needed you most."

Borealis exclaimed, "I didn't kill you! Eden did; my sister created the storm! You all chose to accept the offer. You all chose to follow me!"

Her words marked the rise of the conductor's baton, and so began the encore. It first began at piano, then crescendoed into a roar. Borealis covered her ears and shut her eyes but still she could hear the truth as clear as she could her own broken sobs that she didn't deserve to heave. For a terrifying moment, she thought they were in her mind, whispering pleas that would forever go unanswered.

"I trusted you!"

"You said it was safe!"

"You lied to us!"

"You took my light!"

"How can you blame your sister for what you did!?"

"Help me!" Borealis screamed into the sky when she felt a hand graze her shoulder. This time she was faster. She gripped the hard, icy skin and pulled as hard as she could. The short figure didn't budge. So was to the twin's surprise when they let her go. The wind pushed her onwards and made her stumble, struggling to get a grip and find purchase. The crowd's cries of laughter cut at her skin and the pointed fingers at her tall figure while she ran again dug into her wounds. When Borealis passed them they all prodded and pulled until the horrors of all she had done were exposed for the ancestors to see. Blood poured out of every pore. They tore out her crystals one by one, snapping them off into glittering shards that lie scattered with the sand like pixie dust. It would be the only beauty that she would ever be able to leave behind.

Her body was becoming dust and stone just like the rest. Each step was becoming more and more weighted until the tips of her feet dragged against the floor with a scraping sound sharp enough split the estranged realm in two. It didn't rise enough to silence the shouts that continued to chase after her like ghosts. The hundreds of thundering footsteps were a rainstorm, but it had since become nothing but white noise. It failed to flood the land and deliver her a faster relief. If she was going to die, she wasn't going to be slain by the hands she had once so easily guided. The tsunami of a guilty conscience flooded her heart quickly after the thought.

"Return to us, light catcher!" they began to call.

Another voice chimed, "Let's take her light!"

Within the cacophony of taunts and jeers, a third, distinct voice slashed through her throat and spilled a garden of blood and glass onto the grounds of Eden.

"She ripped hers out. Take what's left."

"Sister!" Borealis cried and turned back. A hand flew up to her mouth in horror. Her twin was standing front and center, with a legion of the lost and lonely. Their bodies were battered and bruised beyond belief, yet they all stood proud and tall with the confidence of an elder accepting their position. Every eye stared holes into the one within Borealis' chest, as though they could tear out her crystals by just sight alone. The other Eden twin, with her intact arm, slowly lifted it to point where Borealis' light once lie. When the battalion began to march on once more, Borealis tripped over her feet in her haste to escape. Her body was crystallizing, slowing her movement impossibly further. There was no light to break through the openings that tore through her skin. She screamed to the wind and never dared to look over her shoulder. "No! Please! Please, sister! You don't have to do this!"

The riot raged behind Borealis in a wildfire. The flames of anger were licking her heels and driving her forward, lest she be swept into the hands of the forsaken, eager to rip her to shreds and take what she had taken. There was no way to run or hide. She would inevitably tire out if she continued to flee, and if she hid, they would always find her. There was no way to escape.

But it was the only way. Borealis pressed forward. Her heart was spilling out of the cracks of her body, slowly being replaced by the shallow waters that beckoned her towards its cold, unrelenting grip. Terror was reflected in the water's surface when she practically fell next to a deeper divot of water, but the sound of hundreds of heavy footsteps reminded her that it needed to be done.

The edenkid didn't take a breath before she plugged her head into the water. The force was enough to crack her mask. She felt the need to gasp for air almost instantly. Every nerve, thrumming with adrenaline, ran on instinct and demanded her to thrash around to escape and take a deep breath. Borealis forced her body as still as she could to stay under for as long as possible. Her tears intermixed with the pooling water into something indistinguishable. Not even the tears shed from Eden's princess would be remembered.

When she could stand it no more, Borealis took a deep breath. The water flooded every inch of her body from the inside out, smothering her crystals and blocking out any light. Her screams were a lonely, distorted melody. The infiltration of any cracked crystals were the most painful. It was the same as fire being injected into her veins. Still she gulped the liquid like a dying man in a desert, wholly believing the water would spare him. It was too good to be true, because it was only a mirage.

Minutes passed and her body continued to let out muffled shouts for air, yet the corners of her vision never darkened. Her thoughts were jumbled puzzle pieces and the anticipated lightheadedness never swept her fright away. When she realized this, Borealis jerked her head back with a gasp. She heaved on her hands and knees, coughing and sputtering until she gagged. There was nothing but water. Everything was clear and quiet except for the gentle splashing of water. There was no death here. There was no freedom.

And then she heard the laughter. Borealis clutched at her torso. feeling as though she could cough for the rest of her life and it still wouldn't be enough to expel all of the water she tried to drown herself with. The statues surrounded and pointed at her with accosting fingers. Their laughter never ceased. Everyone's eyes were bright, which only brought more tears to Borealis'. Finally, they were merry again. They were being given the peace they deserved.

Borealis screamed and dunked her head back under a second time, then a third, and finally a fourth. The laughter persisted and so did her screams from under the water. When she resurfaced for the fifth time, her sister stepped forward. Borealis scrambled back until she bumped into the legs of one of the statues. She didn't dare take any step closer to Eden's elder.

The light catcher pleaded, "Please, sister! I beg you; I beg of you all! Please don't kill me! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"

"You're only sorry because you're finally getting karma," said someone from the crowd. A wave of mutters swept through the statues, whispering their agreement. Their giggles were grating to Borealis' ears.

The shorter twin hushed the crowd with only her voice. "You are already dead," she explained. "You removed your light years ago."

"Where am I!?" Borealis demanded. "What are you going to do to me? Why aren't you helping me!?"

Her words elicited another ripple of giggles from the crowd. The elder answered, "You are home, Borealis. We are home."

"Then what are they all doing here? If I'm dead, then where is mother and father? They should be—"

The realization must have been evident on her face, because from behind her twin's mask, Borealis could see her eyes squint with her unseen smile. The light catcher shook her head in disbelief. "No... no, no, no! Please, no!"

She stumbled to her feet and roughly grabbed her sister's shoulders. Her grip was so tight that there was an audible crack. Shortly afterwards, a few pebbles slipped down her sleeves and onto the ground below. The fabric was ripped where her right arm once was, now broken at the elbow. "Who sent you here?" Borealis demanded. "Elisia! Who shattered you!?"

Elisia smiled softly. "You did, Borealis."

The world was crumbling. Borealis shrieked when the statues dove forward and pulled her down, fighting over her wildly like she was the last ray of sunlight in existence. Glass and crystals littered the ground in a monochrome spectra; a glittering, stained glass window rippled as it was broken. Her own life was sharpened into knives. Each shard deemed thick enough was stabbed back into her body, leaving Borealis pinned like a moth on display. Between her screams, she coughed up what was left in a spritz of blood like a breath of mist after the morning rain. None of the statues ever flinched. They took delight in her misery. The light catcher screamed for freedom and forgiveness, but she received none. She shouted for her sister until her throat bled, but no red tinted light could be seen among the carnage. When she was dragged towards her parents' prison, Borealis fought with what little was left of her strength. Not to flee, but to find her sister. To scream apologies not to be understood, but to let her twin know that she truly was sorry for abandoning her when she needed her most. For not turning back to be there for her. For trapping sixty three skykids in the remains of their home to draw the attention of those who had banished her family and herself.

"Elisia! Elisia!"

She didn't need to look for long. Elisia had escaped near to the eye just as Borealis had. The elder opened her arm wide, as though she were about to receive or deliver a hug. Her cape was spread wide and majestic but there was no wind nor light to truly reflect the beauty their elder had blessed her with. Borealis was left wondering once again why they were ever created as twins. Why she was the oldest when Elisia had the weight of the realms on her shoulders. It wasn't fair. None of it was fair.

When Elisia spoke, her voice was not of her own. It was Borealis'. She said, "We have caught the light catcher. Welcome home, sister. I've missed you so, so much."

When Borealis blinked, a krill spike was now in Elisia's hand. The tip was dripping with blood. Around it, shards of a shattered light floated around, frozen in time. Borealis couldn't scream when it was stabbed through her chest, because as the weapon whistled through the air, it carried Elisia's scream with it.

[flanaganfilm]

The Midnight Club - Season Two

I'm very disappointed that Netflix has decided not to pursue a second season of THE MIDNIGHT CLUB.

My biggest disappointment is that we left so many story threads open, holding them back for the hypothetical second season, which is always a gamble.

So I'm writing this blog as our official second season, so you can know what might have been, learn the fates of your favorite characters, and know the answers to those dangling story threads from the first season.

So for those of you who want to know what we were planning to do, here's a look at what would have been season 2!

AMESH Season 2 would open with Amesh, his glioblastoma advancing quickly. He would tell the first story of the season, but would be struggling to make it through. We'd focus on his love story with Natsuki for those first few episodes as it becomes clear that Amesh's death is imminent.

Meanwhile, Ilonka is trying to reconcile how she was fooled by Julia Jayne, all while falling further in love with Kevin, and she realizes he may be fading faster than he lets on.

Ilonka begins a serialized story in an effort to encourage him to "stay alive a little longer," like he did in season one. And the story she tells is... REMEMBER ME.

This was the thing I was most excited about for this season.

REMEMBER ME is one of my all-time favorite Pike books - it tells the story of a teenage girl who is pushed off a balcony, and awakens as a ghost. She has to navigate being a spirit while trying to solve her own murder. We would have stretched this story out over 5 episodes. We were going to use it as a vehicle for Ilonka to try to come to terms with the fact that she is going to die, and to begin to trying to wrap her head around being a ghost... but this is the coolest part... the lead character of Ilonka's story wouldn't be played by Ilonka. She'd be played by...

Anya.

Because this is how we live on, isn't it? In the minds of those we leave behind. And Ilonka would use REMEMBER ME as a way to imagine her dear friend Anya, waking up as a ghost, navigating the afterlife. And this sets up one of the best mechanisms of the show - even if a character dies, as long as they're remembered by members of the club, they live on in their stories.

As the story starts to pick up steam, though, the group will have to deal with the death of Amesh, which he greets with grace and bravery.

In his final moments, he sees someone in his room - the Janitor from the first season, as played by Robert Longstreet, who says comforting things to Amesh even though he can't respond.

In his final, final moments, the SHADOW descends upon Amesh, and he is engulfed into it, which reinforces the idea that the Shadow is DEATH...

With Amesh's death comes something that upends the entire thing: a NEW PATIENT. We didn't work out too much about who this would be, but it would be a new roommate for Ilonka. Someone taking Anya's old bed. Ilonka would find herself being initially cold to her - just as Anya was when Ilonka arrived. Even feeling like this new girl shouldn't necessarily be ushered into the Club. But of course they would develop a beautiful friendship over the course of the season. The new girl joins the club, where something else exciting is happening - Cheri is telling a story. We hadn't decided which one, but I think it might have been MONSTER.

Natsuki would be the next to die, which would be heartbreaking. And again, she would talk to the janitor just before it happened... and again, the Shadow would come in the final moments.

For Spence, though, things would take a different turn.

The advancements in HIV treatment in the late 90's would come into play, and we'd see his prognosis change. The HIV cocktail came out in Dec 1995, and we really wanted to explore that.

Spence would ride the swell of antiviral advancements, and by the end of the season, he'd no longer be classified as terminal. In the finale of season 2, Spence would leave Brightcliffe just like Sandra did in Season 1, heading off to manage his disease and live the rest of his life.

But onto the BIG MYSTERIES of the season one... here are some answers: What is up with Dr. Stanton's tattoo and bald head? Well, a few things. First, Dr. Stanton is actually the daughter of the original Paragon cult leader, Aceso. Her nickname was Athena, she wrote the Paragon journal that Ilonka found in S1. She turned on her mother and helped the kids escape, but because she was part of the cult in her teenage years, she had the tattoo.

It was her initials that Ilonka found carved into the tree in season 1 (her maiden name was Georgina Ballard, hence the G.B. that Ilonka finds carved in the tree).

She hated what her mother became, and the atrocities of the cult. She reclaimed the property after her mom was gone, and wanted to change it into a place that celebrated life. She was trying to undo her mother's legacy and leave something behind that was beautiful. She is wearing a wig at the end of S1 not because of a sinister reason, but because she is undergoing chemo. Dr. Stanton has cancer. Having helped so many people deal with disease, she now has to deal with it herself.

Her treatment would be successful, and she'd go into remission, but having to face that - while caring for the terminal kids at Brightcliffe - was going to be a very introspective arc for Stanton.

What about the Living Shadow? It's Death, right? Well... no.

At the end of the season, Kevin will die... followed shortly by Ilonka. And as she is dying, two things will happen. First, she'll find herself talking to the Janitor, played by Robert Longstreet... and she'll make a discovery.

HE is Death. And nothing to be afraid of. It turns out no one else ever saw this character. Stanton has a cleaning service, and the Nurse practitioners make up the rooms - the only people who ever saw this mysterious Janitor were the patients. He is Death, and offers them kind words before they die. Then what was the Shadow?

This is an idea we take directly from the book REMEMBER ME, and we'll see it play out in the final moments of Ilona's final tale. In Pike's book, Shari is pursued by a dark entity called The Shadow. When it finally catches her, though, it turns out it is not a bad thing at all.

The Shadow is THEMSELVES. It's the Unknown. As it engulfs someone, in the last moment of their life, it takes them through a place of understanding and catharsis, preparing them for the next step.

THIS is what happened to Anya in S1 when the Shadow finally reached her - that's why she fantasized a life beyond Brightcliffe, which ultimately let her find acceptance of her death. It looks different for everybody, depending on their mind-set - because it is simply an extension of themselves.

The Shadow is just the final catharsis, a return to our original form - it is a moment of true understanding, and once we experience it, we move on to the next place.

We see the Shadow in full effect when it finally comes for Kevin. KEVIN DIES with Ilonka at his side, and it leads to the biggest reveal of the season:

Who were the Mirror Man and the Cataract Woman?

They were Stanley Oscar Freelan and his wife, who built Brightcliffe (fun trivia, he is named after the real-life Freelan Oscar Stanley, who built my favorite hotel in America - the Stanley Hotel. The Stanley is also the inspiration for THE SHINING!).

But more than that... there's a reason that Ilonka only sees Stanley in the mirror, and sees the Cataract Woman whenever she looked at Kevin. This is something else we took from Pike's original book... these aren't ghosts, but glimpses of PAST LIVES.

Ilonka WAS Stanley Oscar Freelan, and Kevin WAS his wife. They've lived many lives this way, and are true SOUL MATES - they always find each other, and they always fall in love. In this life, they knew it would be a short one, so they agreed to find each other in the house they built. They've been "remembering" who they are, and glimpsing their former selves in reflections, and sometimes when they look at each other. This is also why Ilonka's very first words to Kevin in S1 were "Do I know you?" and why Kevin thought she was familiar as well. They are two souls who always find each other, again and again.

The story is this: Stanley was dying, and built this cliffside home hoping that the seaside air would help him. It did, and he far outlived his prognosis (this is also true of the real-life Freelan Stanley). However, his wife began to succumb to dementia.

She would wander the halls, looking for him ("Darling!") and would even forget to feed herself ("I'm starving...") and she eventually refused to leave the basement. Heartbroken for her, Stanley painted the walls to resemble the woodland view, and the ceiling to resemble the night sky, so that it would be a little more beautiful for her.

He also painted a labyrinth on the floor, which was a technique used to try to curb the effects of dementia. She'd walk the pattern of the maze and it was believed it could help her cognition. Eventually, she developed frightening cataracts, but Stanley loved her through it all.

They were soul mates.

So while they seemed scary in season 1, that was just how Ilonka and Kevin's mind were trying to remember their pasts. We even had their faces distorting in ways consistent with how memories degrade over time. When the Shadow comes for Ilonka, and gives her this understanding - this "remembering" - she realizes she has nothing to fear. She and Kevin will shed these personas and be reborn, and have the joy of finding each other another way. The Shadow comes for her, Death takes her gently, and Ilonka goes off with Kevin back into the cosmos, ready for their next incarnation. The series would end with Cheri telling this story to a whole new table of patients, including our new series leads. Most of our original cast now would exist as stories, a story told to the next "class" of storytellers at the table, all of whom we will have met by the end of the season. A story called "The Midnight Club."

Well, that's it... that was what we had in mind. It's a shame we won't get to make it, but it would be a bigger shame if you guys simply had to live with the unanswered questions and the cliffhanger ending. I loved making this show, and I am so proud of the cast and crew. Particularly our cast, who attacked this story with incredible spirit and bravery each and every day.

But for now, we'll put the fire out, and leave the library dark and quiet. To those before, and to those after. To us now, and to those beyond.

Seen or unseen, here but not here.

I'll always be grateful that I got to be part of this Club.

[fen-luciel]

Hurt

Thanks to @driksss for the idea:

[I loved your story

please

write a story in which the reader accidentally hurts herself during training and qimir feels guilty and takes care of her injuries]

Warnings: description of injuries/light smut/sub Qimir

"Again" I ordered, with my lightsaber on.

Qimir grumbled, his butt on the ground "Can I take a break?" he complained, getting up and brushing the dirt off his pants, the lightsaber at his feet.

"Come on, Qimir. At least until sunset, as usual. I'll cook tonight" I tried to cheer him up with a bright expression, but he didn't seem particularly pleased.

"It's just that... never mind" he called his lightsaber back to him before starting to walk. "But let's move from here. The ground keeps making me slip, I can't stand it anymore." I sighed but followed him without protest, my saber now off and at my belt.

I silently watched his back as we walked. We were both terribly sweaty, the forest was humid and the afternoon sun was dry, not to mention we had been training for hours. The tank top I wore was now clinging to me, and the loose pants that reached my knees were soaked with dirt, grass, mud, and sweat.

Qimir looked just as worn out, to the point where he had cut off the sleeves of his shirt with his lightsaber for some extra air.

His back was drenched in sweat, and my first instinct was to tease him, but things were tense between us.

It had been an uphill journey for us, friends, colleagues, and now master and acolyte.

Unfortunately, we were still working on the last part, especially considering how we were indirectly or directly... intimate.

I sighed.

I knew it was a bad idea.

But now, telling him to end it seemed even worse.

We kept training for at least a couple more hours, and honestly, I couldn't stand it anymore.

He kept making stupid mistakes, tripping over branches, getting distracted, it was infuriating.

We stood on top of some trees, the first pink and orange lights of sunset coloring the landscape. It would have been almost romantic if we weren't two Banthas soaked and dirty with earth. We definitely needed a shower.

We jumped from branch to branch, red against red, our bodies pulsing with fatigue. The goal was to get him used to more exhausting rhythms, but it was useless if two times out of three I had to divert my own stroke because he was too distracted to dodge them.

"If you're so bored, you could have spared me the trouble of paying attention to you today!" I finally snapped, and without even thinking, I crouched in a fluid motion, aiming at the thick branch under his feet and cutting it diagonally. Whether he was surprised by my shout or the move, I couldn't say, but he lost his balance, one foot slipping on the moss covering the tree, and he began to fall.

I had time to glance at him a little longer and realize my colossal mistake.

Below us, there weren't just a few meters separating us from the ground, we had gradually moved deeper into the forest, where the trees grew denser and taller, and the branches we were on directly overlooked a small cliff crossed by a stream. Qimir was about to fall into it like a sack of potatoes.

I reached out with my hand, pulling him towards me with the Force, just enough to grab his wrist in the panic of the moment. I managed to pull him up, but in doing so, I lost my balance. My other hand still held the lightsaber uselessly, and I began to fall.

I saw him as he clung to the branch where I had been seconds earlier. I instinctively turned off the lightsaber as I plummeted. Qimir reached out to stop me, but in a mix of fatigue and panic, he only managed to slow the inevitable. He lost his grip, and I crashed down the last few meters, finally rolling into the shallow stream.

I hissed as a ringing filled my ears, my body on fire as I tensed my muscles. I couldn't tell if I'd broken something in the process, but I was sure I was bleeding—I could feel it on me, and the stream wasn't deep enough to get me this wet.

I struggled to open my eyes, my vision dark at the edges as I tried to focus around me. I couldn't see Qimir, but I assumed he was about to come down, so I looked at myself, and it was bad.

Nothing seemed unnaturally bent, but I was bleeding profusely. My legs, arms, torso, not to mention the dull pain I felt throughout my body—if nothing was broken, I'd at least sprained something. Qimir's brief intervention had prevented the worst, but I was still in danger.

"Force, wait, i'm here"

I looked up to see Qimir sliding down the cliff before making one last jump near me, panic in his eyes as he looked at me, breathing heavily. "Come on, damn it, okay, I've got this-" he stammered as he knelt beside me, his trembling hands searching for a wound that wasn't even visible due to the blood scattered everywhere.

"Calm down, Qimir—" I tried to reassure him with a hoarse voice before grabbing his wrist. "I need you to carry me, so try to concentrate" He shot me a wide-eyed glance and nodded. He quickly stood up to retrieve my lightsaber, which had fallen a few meters ahead, and after recovering it, he came back to pick me up. It was quite complicated to get me onto his shoulders, everything burned, and while I could somewhat move my arms, I certainly didn't have the strength to pull myself up or bend my legs. He practically had to lie down next to me so I could roll onto him and slowly drag myself onto his back. Once he ensured I was in a stable position, he began to run toward the base.

I don't know exactly how much time passed—I hadn't noticed how deep we were in the forest, and we reached our shelter on the edge of the woods when it was already pitch dark. I kept myself awake by sheer miracle, more to keep Qimir from panicking than anything else, as he seemed on the verge of a panic attack, mumbling something I couldn't hear well and was too exhausted to ask him to speak up.

We had rented a house for a while nearby—a woodland retreat for those who wanted a nature getaway. We were there to train undisturbed, which wasn't in our favor now that we actually needed to be near civilization to call for help.

Qimir opened the door, quickly closing it behind us and heading straight for the bathroom with determined steps. "We have some medicine, but I don't know how much it can help" I could only let out a laughing breath. "I told you we'd regret not stopping by the store"

He shook his head but said nothing more, letting me slide to the floor beside the tub where I collapsed without strength.

I kept my eyes half-closed—the bathroom light seemed to burn my eyes. "Turn it off, please" I whispered wearily, hearing him rummaging through the bottles behind the sink's glass. He grabbed what he needed before turning off the main light, leaving only the dim secondary one on.

"Swallow these—one for the pain, and the other to make sure no infections develop... we only have one more, so tomorrow we need to get you to a doctor" I swallowed them, thankful for the miracles of bacta that might help me get through this.

"Now, I'm going to put you in the tub and heal you with the Force, okay?"

He began to open my robe with trembling hands, and I chuckled. "Don't be shy, it's not like you haven't seen me before" but he didn't find it as funny, given the glare he shot me.

I didn't feel uncomfortable being naked—I had never had too many problems about it, just as he didn't with me, and besides, given my overall condition, neither of us was really focused on anything else. Qimir turned on the hot water in the tub and started to undress.

"We haven't tried this before. You're brave tonight" I noted with poorly concealed amusement and a tired voice.

"Stop it. I need to wash you, and I can't afford for you to slip in the tub."

I muttered something, but I felt my strength leaving me. "I really need to close my eyes for a bit" I whispered as he grabbed me under the armpits and moved me into the tub, which was filling with hot water. I hissed at the sensation—the pills were beginning to numb my nerves, but the dull pain I felt would continue for a while. The warmth of the tub was pleasant, but it burned my skin, and within seconds, the water had already taken on a brownish-red color.

"I've got you, don't worry" Qimir's voice near my ear made me shiver, though I hoped he hadn't noticed. Once he made sure I was in a safe position, he leaned over to grab the soap "Qimir. I really need to close my eyes" I said in an increasingly faint voice. I saw his lips move, his expression worried, but I couldn't hear his words, and I passed out.

When I opened my eyes, I was still in the tub.

The first thing I heard was my heavy breathing filling the small bathroom. The water around me was strangely clean. I raised a hand to rub my eyes and noticed how wrinkled my skin was, a sign that I had been here for a while.

I caught a glimpse of the long abrasion wounds covering my arms when, from behind, a hand gently took mine—Qimir's hand.

"It's okay, I'm here." His rough voice in my ear was enough to finally understand what was happening.

He had sat behind me in the tub, resting me against his chest. I was so confused that I hadn't noticed his head next to mine.

I turned my gaze towards him, realizing how close we were. He seemed more relaxed and calm now, his eyes fixed on mine, and a sad smile on his lips.

“You’ve been out of it for a while" his tone was still low and slow. This time, the trembling in my body was obvious, but he misunderstood the reaction, as he gently slid us a bit deeper into the warm water.

“You washed your hair” I noted with poorly concealed amusement and a tired voice.

He chuckled with a smile. “And for the record, I washed yours too” I giggled, followed by him, the atmosphere much more relaxed now, although a slight glance outside the tub made me notice the dried blood on the floor.

But I was feeling better.

I think.

I pressed my face into the crook of his neck, still feeling dizzy and tired, but the movement was terrible. Though I appeared better on the outside, inside, I was still a mess. I couldn’t tell if the pills had already worn off or if they weren’t strong enough from the start. “Take it easy, I... I haven’t healed you yet” Qimir admitted, tightening an arm under my chest in a hug.

I murmured in confusion, and he sighed. “I... can’t. I took some time to relax and clean us up. I’m feeling better, but... I can’t focus” the discomfort was evident in his tone.

I couldn’t really blame him, it wasn’t such a common power, and during his years as a Jedi, it seemed to have remained dormant, now forcing him to train it from scratch.

Unfortunately, I could only help him from a theoretical standpoint, which made the learning process slower than usual, but he was gradually improving.

“It’s the first time you’ve tried with internal trauma and not external injuries. Not to mention it’s much more complex than the small cuts you’ve been practicing on until now. You need to relax” I murmured against the skin of his neck, my eyes closed as I pressed more gently against his chest.

I could feel the tremor in his heavy sigh through the contact between our bodies. I moved our still intertwined hands to my stomach, while the free hand moved to the side of his face in a gentle caress. I left a slow kiss on his neck before slightly lifting myself up so that my lips were at the height of his ear.

“Do you want to make me feel good, Qimir?” I asked sweetly, looking at him. He had closed his eyes, tilting his head slightly upwards. I released his hand to rest it on my stomach.

“Y-yes” he stammered in response.

“Then breathe. And focus on me.” I kissed his jaw a couple of times, leaving a slight trail of saliva along his skin. His chest rose and fell deeply, dragging my body along with his as our breaths synchronized “Good boy.”

There was a moment of silence before a pleasant warmth began to soothe my aching muscles and bones. I only let it go on for a few seconds, worried he might overdo it. “Slowly now, we both need our strength” I moved his hand away from me, caressing the back of it. He opened his eyes and lowered his gaze to meet mine, his lips slightly parted as his heartbeat quickened in his chest.

He leaned in towards my lips, but I pulled away with a small smile. “Slowly now” The disappointment was clear in his features, his dark irises, and the moisture in his eyes seemed to burn me alive.

“I really need to get out of the water” I whispered against his lips before giving him a quick kiss on the forehead.

“Keep being good, and maybe I’ll give you a reward later.”

This seemed to cheer him up, and we moved to get out of the tub. Unfortunately, Qimir couldn’t help me as much as he would have liked; my body was still in constant pain, though much more manageable than before. All the wounds on my arms and legs had stopped bleeding but needed to be bandaged.

We took a brief walk to the bedroom in a somewhat ridiculous manner. I was still in pain, and Qimir had used some of his energy to heal my bones, so he was feeling as tired as I was.

“Wait, I want to sit down” I said, letting myself fall into the armchair next to the bed with a sigh.

“Okay. One last effort. And then we’ll sleep” he said, picking up the kit that was already on the bed. I glanced at him sideways as he sat down next to me and started covering the cuts with soft, bacta-soaked bandages. They couldn’t completely heal the wounds, but at least I would sleep more peacefully.

A few seconds passed before he spoke “I’m sorry. It was my fault” his voice rough and low as he kept his gaze fixed on what he was doing, the room dimly lit only by the moonlight outside.

“Nonsense. I wasn’t careful” I replied, looking at the ceiling.

So much had happened in just a few hours that I had almost forgotten how it all started, and as much as the dynamic still irritated me, I was partly responsible.

I should have just talked to him.

“Stop it. I... you’re right to be mad at me” I looked at his bowed head, avoiding my gaze. Slowly, he knelt in front of me, and I couldn’t help but blush a little seeing him between my legs, the wounds long forgotten.

“We both made mistakes—” I began, but he shook his head. I saw the way his jaw clenched when he was nervous, and I bit my lips in response. He was finally opening up to me, and I was getting distracted.

I was hopeless.

“No. I was distracted. I deserved a lesson, but you were too kind to me” his long, slender fingers gently held my ankle as he carefully tightened the bandage up to my thigh.

I swallowed a lump in my throat.

“Distracted by what, anyway? You’ve been doing well lately” I tried to focus on his words, but even his tone sent a shiver between my legs, and not being able to rub them together was even worse.

A few seconds passed. He finished the bandages completely before raising his gaze to me, and I almost lost my breath.

He looked at me with those dark, deep eyes, which unsettled my stomach.

Kneeling between my legs, I felt terribly vulnerable given the weakness of my limbs, not to mention he was wearing a loose shirt that allowed me to see part of his smooth chest from above.

I knew what he was about to say.

Our relationship had inevitably solidified into something much more than just a simple friendship or brotherhood due to the time spent together.

I didn’t know if it was I who had seduced him first or if he had fallen at my feet.

But we liked it.

The only thing was that Qimir had still been a Jedi, and now his experiences were limited, if not non-existent. He wanted to learn, but he felt awkward, so he often behaved like a wounded puppy, using some excuse to put his hands on me and feel less pathetic for begging for my more experienced touch.

“By you. By what you do to me” he finally answered, his hand slowly caressing my ankle with his thumb. The fingertips of his hands trailed up along my calves, stopping behind my knees, where his palms gently squeezed.

“I’m obsessed with you. With your scent. With your skin. I can’t stop thinking about your voice,” if possible, his voice dropped even lower.

“I want to make you feel good.” He placed one of my legs beside him before slowly bending down to kiss the bandaged side of my knee.

“I want to deserve everything you give me” Without even realizing it, I spread my legs to let him position himself better between them. He kissed a patch of skin higher up, and even higher, until he was inevitably approaching the part of me that craved his touch the most.

He gently rested his head on my inner thigh, looking directly into my eyes through the strands of hair falling over his face.

“I want to learn to worship you. So please, teach me again how to touch you the way you need”

I had to exhale with trembling lips as I gripped the armrests of the chair beneath me.

"I'll be a good boy for you."

[jesncin]

A Failure of Asian Lois Lane: Pt 2: My Adventures with Superman, an honest discussion

If I had to pinpoint the fundamental problem with My Adventures with Superman's depiction of Asian Lois Lane it's in their attempt to subvert the classic two person love triangle: Lois loves Superman but is indifferent to Clark Kent. In MAWS, Lois insta-crushes on Clark Kent and hates Superman. In the show's attempt to make sense of this dynamic, Lois' Asian identity becomes at odds with a story meant to touch on xenophobia and immigrant themes.

Let's have an honest discussion about a show that made fandom cheer as an Asian character removed the one thing that made her most visibly Asian.

Disclaimer: While I am of East Asian descent, I am not Korean. I'll be discussing general Asian diasporic experiences but the specifics of Korean culture are outside of my knowledge (as usual I can't and don't speak for every Asian person ever, I am 1 opinion). Secondly, I'll be pulling from my personal experiences every now and then particularly pertaining to being a butch Asian person watching this show. It'll be a mix of formal analysis and personal anecdotes. Thirdly, this isn't an exhaustive analysis of MAWS Lois' character. We'll be sticking to what I consider is relevant to themes of Asian identity and immigration. Lastly once more, I do not believe the MAWS crew had malicious intent in any (of what I consider) poor writing decisions. We're here to analyze and challenge these writing decisions.

Please read Pt 1 of Asian Lois analysis that covers the comics, as it provides the groundwork for the ideas expanded on in this essay.

We need to talk about Lois' design. In the follow up to MAWS' release, people have been speculating on Lois' ethnicity. CBR writes that the show has "some fans believing that she's at least part Asian" and other articles have the show crew confirm Lois Korean heritage via her hanbok outfit in episode 4. The existence of these articles, my own anecdotal experience of streaming MAWS with Asian friends, and comments I receive from people asserting Lois' Asian identity was never explored in the show ("you'd only know she was Asian if you searched up articles about it"), tells me we have a case of an ambiguously designed Asian woman. Tangentially many people had no idea Livewire, the white haired and blue eyed woman, was meant to be South Asian.

There's a lot to be said about art styles that don't properly stylize ethnic features, but for the purposes of our analysis that means the writing has to deliver the heavy lifting where the design fails. This is the opposite case of American Alien: a comic that relied on the art to portray Asian Lois.

Let's start at episode 3. In it, Lois finally manages to conduct a private interview with the elusive Superman. When she asks where Superman comes from, how his powers work, etc- Superman comes up empty. In this version, Superman can't talk to his Kryptonian father (Jor-El)'s hologram because of a language barrier, so he knows very little about his alien heritage. He leaves Lois, assuring her he's here to help the people of Metropolis. When Clark Kent congratulates her for interviewing Superman, Lois rebuffs him. "Oh, he's [Superman's] a liar." smirking as she says it. This is the start of the Lois Hates Superman For Being a Liar arc.

I'd like you to consider the optics of an Asian American woman interviewing an alien immigrant who honestly told her he doesn't know where he comes from and is still figuring out who he is, only for her to think he's lying. Because she didn't get the answers she wanted. I can't help but think about my own experiences, where I was asked "but where do you really come from?" or "okay but what's your real name?" I think of my Asian American peers who would honestly say they're from Texas or Atlanta and get a vindictive "you're lying" as a response. People want to hear you're from China. They want their biases confirmed. I think about how I honestly can't tell you where my elders hailed from, because of cultural genocide and language barriers. This scene makes me uncomfortable, but let's press on.

Episode 4 is where Lois is most visibly Korean. In this episode the trio of Lois, Clark, and Jimmy are tasked with interviewing rich techbro Prof. Ivo of Amazo tech at an investor event. It's a prom episode. Lois wears a "hanbok inspired gala outfit" designed by Dou Hong and Jane Bak in a deliberate move to showcase Lois' Korean heritage. Bak comments "I remember feeling strongly about wanting to inject some aspect of her Korean heritage without disrupting her characteristic as a spunky and resourceful intern/reporter." while the wording poorly implies that Korean heritage is at odds with Lois' spunky personality- I do want to challenge a couple of the decisions that went into this design.

I want to acknowledge as an Asian butch that there are many ways to sport traditional garments and it's okay to mix and match to figure out what reclaiming culture (and your comfort) mean to you. However we're talking about the opportunity to showcase culture in an episode of a fictional animated show. I also encourage cultural gender expression that thinks outside of western white people's idea of gender (in both fiction and real life).

Whenever artists try to do a non-conforming spin on a cultural outfit, I always have to ask: "what standard of masculinity are we basing this on?" It's clear that MAWS is pushing for a "tomboy" Lois, and this gala outfit is an extension of that. But what's the standards of masculinity in a Korean lens? Men wear hanbok too, so why can't Lois imitate how Korean men wear hanbok, by traditionally accompanying her look with baji (baggy and loose pants)? This design notably has tight pants that hug the form, instead. I know the hanbok look has been modernized in and out of Korea in many ways, but in a show where you have the opportunity to showcase cultural non-conformity, I feel more thought should be put into the outfit outside of a potentially western lens- or the idea that cultural heritage of any sort "disrupts" a character's personality.

Now that we've discussed the design of the outfit, let's look into the narrative role it plays in episode 4. While we can celebrate cultural representation in media, I consider it important to ask "what is this media's relationship with the cultures it represents?" and the answer for Lois' hanbok in this episode is: nothing! It's an aesthetic acknowledgement of culture. "Hanbok" or "Korea" are not terms explicitly mentioned in the show. When Prof Ivo offers beautiful women as compensation for Clark to keep quiet about his company's corruption, Ivo looks over to Lois- who spills food on her clothes, and remarks that she's unclassy. She's not judged for wearing othering cultural clothes- which would have tied nicely into Clark choosing to be silent on issues of Ivo displacing a neighborhood, making Clark realize his complacency actively hurts marginalized people. Despite wearing cultural outfits being a political statement in America, nobody reacts to it. It's clear what the actual goal of this scene is: Clark looks cool for defending his "tomboy" crush.

In a scene blatantly made for fanservice, Lois offers to sew up Clark's ripped tuxedo by undressing her hanbok so she can reach her little sewing kit. Lois never wears her hanbok again afterwards. This scene haunts me. It's a scene that tells you that fanservice is more important than cultural representation. It's a scene meant to set up that Clark gives his tuxedo to Lois later on for warmth. Lois removing her hanbok is meant for not one, but two fanservice scenes.

Lois talks to Clark at the stairwell. She opens up about her estranged relationship with her father, how her mom has passed away, and how she's been an intern at the Daily Planet for a year with no sign of being hired. This makes the narrative decision for Lois to lose her hanbok far more tragic. Lois being a diasporic child with so few familial ties to her culture would mean garments like her hanbok would hold a lot of sentimental value! It's hard enough finding a cultural outfit that fits with your butchess (many of my cultural outfits are hand made to fit my form and gender expression), and yet Lois unceremoniously loses her hanbok. You would think in Lois opening up about being distant from her parents that Clark would be able to culturally relate with the distance he has with his Kryptonian parents. But the narrative opportunity to link their immigrant experiences is not taken, because the show simply doesn't recognize the parallel between the two.

Instead MAWS pushes for the Lois Thinks Superman is A Liar thing again. A far less narratively substantial and fundamentally flawed arc. This episode starts with Lois calling Superman a liar and has Lois ranting about him "dodging her questions" (remember, he was honest with her about not knowing his heritage) thereby rendering her interview unpublishable. She resorts to conspiracy tabloids giddily provided by Jimmy for information. She rather cruelly says "nobody normal believes in aliens". We are uncomfortably seeing the build up of Lois being allegorically xenophobic towards alien immigrants- a Lois on a quest to out an alien before he's ready. This is their justification for flipping the love triangle. Lois loves cuteboy Clark from work, and hates Superman for not confirming her biases that would help her publish an interview that would promote her at work. What a love story.

To wrap this episode up: Prof Ivo ends up challenging Superman to a fight so he can flex his Parasite suit to investors, only for it to backfire, destroy his reputation, and greatly damage the Amazo building (remember this it'll come back later). The episode ends with Lois discovering Superman is Clark Kent. Anecdotally, I was so frustrated with the treatment of Lois' hanbok in this episode, that I went online to search if anyone else felt similarly. All I was met with was fandom thirsting over the stairwell scene where Clark and Lois were undressing. Consider the optics of an Asian character who removed the most visible signifier of her heritage (the outfit far more culturally specific where her character design was racially ambiguous) and how people cheered because that meant they could see her in her undergarments. They can happily thirst over the body they desired now that the othering cultural garment was out of the way. It's just clothes after all. Diversity clothes. This show continues to be very uncomfortable, and a little too real.

In episode 5 Lois is passive aggressive to Clark and Superman, trying to get Clark to admit he's Superman and vice versa. She eventually confronts Clark by jumping off the roof of the Daily Planet, causing Clark to fly down and save her. She proclaims she doesn't want to be friends with him anymore for "lying" to her. This episode caused a huge ruckus online as people were divisive over Lois' actions. Some defended Lois, saying that "women should be messy" and "it's not Lois Lane if she doesn't do something crazy for journalism!". Ignoring that opinion's very flandarized view of Lois' character for a second, let's thoroughly discuss how this relates to themes of immigration and Asian identity.

By this episode, Lois had known Clark for 5 days. In that time she's entitled and angry to the point of friend-breaking-up with him because he wouldn't disclose his marginalized identity to her within less than a week. "A secret is another type of lie!" Lois says, regardless of her lying on sight to both Jimmy and Clark upon meeting them at work, and continued to lie in episode 3 (after promising not to in ep 1) about her intentions to interview Superman. Only Lois gets to lie in this relationship. The hypocrisy of her character is never recognized. Clark calls out Lois for having previously admitted to him that she wanted to dox Superman and "publish all his secrets. MY secrets!". Keep in mind that when Clark brings up Superman feeling uncomfortable about his secrets being published by Lois in episode 3, Lois' response was "yeah, but HE doesn't know that's my plan!". She explicitly admits that she would publish private information about Superman without his permission. But when she's confronted by Clark in episode 5 about that, her response is "I would never do that to you, I didn't know it was you until after the gala. How could you think that?" It's only through conflict of interest that Lois spares Superman of being doxed. He's supposed to magically know this. Extremely cool of Asian American Lois to be entitled to an alien immigrant's identity within four business days.

Episode 6 wraps up the Lois Hates Superman For Being A Liar arc, so let's quickly summarize what happens. Lois and Clark set aside their fight to find Jimmy in an abandoned scientific facility (he's being cared for by Mallah and the Brain). Jimmy admits (very smugly) to having known Clark was Superman all along because he kept breaking stuff. As the trio are chased by killer robots, they emotionally confront Clark for not trusting them with his alien secret- despite neither Lois or Jimmy creating a safe environment for Clark to come out to either of them (Jimmy outed Superman as an alien on his video channel). The moral of the story is Clark should have trusted his friends anyway, because lying is bad. Not once does the narrative hold Jimmy or Lois accountable.

We have Black Jimmy Olsen and Asian American Lois Lane being entitled to their white passing friend Clark Kent's marginalized alien identity. A joke is made at Jimmy's expense that he doesn't understand bigotry, and Lois clearly doesn't understand why an immigrant wouldn't be forthcoming about his identity to his hostile friends at work. This is how that arc ends.

I'd like to quickly compare this Lois Hates Superman For Being A Liar arc to my favorite scene in Superman Smashes the Klan. In this story, Superman debuts as a strongman superhero instead of an alien, suppressing his more othering powers to pass as human. He jumps instead of flying. Roberta, the Chinese American girl targeted by the Klan, calls Superman out for not using his full abilities to save people who could've gotten hurt. Yet, as she's calling him out, Roberta understands Superman's fear of not wanting to be othered. She sees the way her father dresses up to pass as an accomplished scientist, how he tells her mom to speak in English, how her brother makes racist jokes at their family's expense to fit in. She's not mad at Superman, she's mad at the world that would be scared of Superman if he flew.

"I wish it were okay for you to fly!" Roberta yells. This is a beautifully empathetic scene that shows a marginalized person frustrated at a systemic problem, instead of blaming the marginalized for being marginalized. It's the empathy and perspective we're missing from MAWS.

Episode 7 is a metatextual episode where MAWS addresses how their Lois isn't like the other Loises you've seen before. Lois and Jimmy are brought on to a team of alternate dimension Loises to find interdimensional troublemaker Mxy. In seeing the other more accomplished Loises in the multiverses, Lois ends up feeling inadequate about her self worth...in connection to being Superman's girlfriend, of course. Because Superman only loves Lois Lane after she wins a couple of Pulitzers, right?

I'm open to a version of Lois Lane that isn't as accomplished as she's historically known to be. I can like a Lois that's young and idealistic, like in Girl Taking Over. It's hard not to compare this episode to 2022's Everything Everywhere All At Once, another multiverse story about an Asian American woman who is the "greatest failure" version of all the parallel iterations of herself. But while that movie talks in depth about themes of generational trauma, expectations, and self potential within Asian immigrant families, MAWS uses the multiverse to say that while their Lois is less accomplished, she's still a good girlfriend to Superman! Why should I bother giving grace to a different take on Lois only to get such a superficial story out of it. This is metatextual-ly frustrating.

Why is it, the minute we get an adaptation of an Asian Lois in something as prominent as an animated show, we get "the worst Lois in the multiverse"? Lois is historically depicted as excelling in her field. She's an award winning journalist, jaded and mean from having to work her way to the top. She owns her sexuality, she's the experienced city girl. Instead of taking the opportunity to inform Lois' jadedness and excellence with her Asian American identity like in Girl Taking Over, instead we have an Asian Lois that's simply incompetent at her job. Why are we now adapting historically accomplished women into adorkable quirky screw ups? She went from being sexually confident to being insecure over sending a text to Clark. Is it more relateable to see an Asian woman that way? Is it too intimidating to see a butch Asian woman who excels at her job? Who's romantically confident? This is what MAWS would rather do than humanize her excellence or her failures.

Are you tired of an ambiguously designed Asian American woman reporter being xenophobic to Superman in MAWS? Well too bad because episode 8 introduces us to Vicki Vale, voiced by Andromeda Dunker (an Asian actress), with explicit notes in leaked concept art to design this character as "Indian American or Asian American" (as if those are mutually exclusive...) inspired off of real Asian reporter Connie Chung. Vicki wants to write a hit piece on Superman and interviews Prof Ivo's assistant, Alex, for a negative biased opinion on Superman (to Lois and Jimmy's dismay).

This episode is where it's abundantly clear the writers don't know how to talk about xenophobia. They'll make nods to xenophobic rhetoric, but they don't know what the rhetoric means. In response to Alex's derisive opinion on Superman destroying Amazo tower thereby bankrupting the company and putting "thousands out of work", Vicki responds "Superman wiped out good American jobs". This is a misplaced nod to Replacement Theory: the fear white people have over people of color, but particularly immigrants, coming to "their" country to "steal" jobs they're entitled to, ultimately becoming demographically replaced by non-white cultures and people. This rhetoric is also commonly applied to Jewish people.

The problem is, that's not what Superman did in the show. Amazo tech was going to go bankrupt because of Prof Ivo's poor business decisions. Prof Ivo made the mistake of antagonizing Superman and ruining his own image. Superman damaging the building came from his fight with Prof Ivo, not a deliberate attempt to get hired (if anything don't the building repair people have new jobs now?). No one's job is tangibly being taken by Superman. None of this is called out by Lois or Jimmy, who know the full story and were even the ones to attack Alex for helping Prof Ivo (let's be real the writers forgot this happened). In fact, Lois and Jimmy don't react to Vicki's Replacement Theory remark at all! It's like they don't even recognize she said something with racist implications!

Jimmy and Lois meet up with Superman who learns the people of Metropolis are becoming scared of him (from causing some recent property damage in an attempt to hunt a criminal down) and writing mean comments on social media. A user writes "he should go back to where he came from." This is a transparently xenophobic comment. It doesn't work in the context of the show because of a huge plot hole: Superman never publicly came out as an alien to Metropolis. No verified newspaper has explicitly made this fact known. The only source that mentions this is Jimmy's conspiracy channel, which the citizens of Metropolis are apparently treating as fact- therefore (if we're to believe this is how people knew) this means Jimmy absolutely outed Superman as an alien without Clark's consent.

So how does Asian American Lois respond to seeing her alien boyfriend go through xenophobia? She says "Take a break from being Superman and just try being normal." To be fair, the narrative does portray Lois saying the word "normal" as charged (only here at least, not in episode 4), and when she tells Superman to "take a break" it's because he had been overworking himself after suddenly unlocking the ability to hear when someone's in trouble. But was this really the response Asian American Lois thought to say? To her boyfriend going through such explicit xenophobia? At this point it's abundantly clear that racism doesn't exist in the world of MAWS. Being "normal" is to be human. And to be marginalized- or as the show likes to call it "different" is only reserved for white passing alien man Clark (along with gorilla and robot that was once a white man). Any hope of an immigrant parallel between Asian American Lois and Superman should be fully discarded at this point.

After the events of the previous episode where Superman is kidnapped by Task Force X, in episode 9 Lois regrets being allegorically xenophobic to Clark. At least I think that's what's happening. I often describe MAWS as a show that's extremely squeamish with getting political- and I believe the vagueness of Lois' Dark Night of the Soul moment reflects that. "I said awful things to Clark. I doubted him when he needed us most. I was wrong and now he's gone..." Lois says as she cries to Jimmy. Is this dialogue implying she shouldn't have told a sleep deprived Superman to take a break? What did she doubt about him? This dialogue is purposefully vague about Lois being xenophobic. They've universalized Clark's immigrant identity to such a point that they can't keep their argument consistent. Was Lois in the wrong for telling her overworked superhero boyfriend to take a break? Or was she being xenophobic for telling him to lay low for a while? Or is she regretful for hating Superman for Being A Liar? How is that possible when the narrative sided with her and Jimmy in episode 6? It's woefully non-committal. Regardless, the intent of this scene is to pay off in the climax of the episode.

In the end Superman has a showdown with Prof Ivo Parasite, who has grown into a large godzilla-esque kaiju creature. In typical MAWS fashion, the show is more interested in a surface level nod to Asian media instead of engaging with the specific themes of nature and post-war trauma kaijus and godzilla serve in Japanese culture. I digress. Using Jimmy's massive social media platform, Lois delivers a hope speech that instantly heals Metropolis of its xenophobia towards Superman.

Lois says to the people of Metropolis.: "People have told you to fear Superman because he's different from us. But we humans are capable of causing hurt and pain too. [...] Because we want to punish those who don't look or act like us." I mean this in the most polite way possible, but who on Earth thought this line was a good idea for Asian American Lois Lane to deliver when talking about white passing man Superman?? Why did the writers feel the need to specify Superman not looking like us. I simply don't understand how nobody considered the terrible optics of this.

After Superman defeats Parasite, episode 10 is about Clark, Lois, and Jimmy celebrating Thanksgiving at the Kents' house. At the Daily Planet, the trio of interns are promoted to finally being reporters. It only took Clark and Jimmy a few weeks while it took Lois a whole year! Now feels like a good time to remind you that Lois as a character was historically frustrated at sexism in the industry and despised how men were treated better than her (including Clark Kent). Well in MAWS episode 4, Lois has no idea why she isn't getting picked up to be a reporter. According to the narrative, and Perry White's dialogue ("you're terrible interns, so the only thing to do was to make you reporters")- she simply didn't break enough rules yet! Thank goodness she had the help of two men to show her how it's done! This is a pretty clear case of character regression. Keep in mind that in American Alien, at the very least that Asian Lois still underwent sexism, and I gave it the grace that the story could eventually expand to talking about both sexism and racism if it were to continue. But in MAWS? I don't think even sexism exists, let alone racism. Somehow Thanksgiving does, though.

Half the final episode is spent on Thanksgiving shenanigans where everyone's trying to be polite but they dislike Lois' stoic dad (Sam Lane)- who Clark recognizes as the Asian American xenophobic man who tortured him in Task Force X's government bunkers. A parallel is pulled between Sam and Jor-El, two fathers with different ideals when it comes to protecting their kids. There's a huge missed opportunity to have Lois and Sam speak in Korean with each other, to create a parallel in the language barrier between Clark and Jor-El. Maybe Lois isn't as fluent in Korean as Sam is depending on how culturally connected she is. Oh, but the existence of non-English human languages would imply some sort of minority, who would be marginalized, and we can't have anyone outside of aliens and a gorilla be marginalized in MAWS. Non-English languages in America are political, after all. Oh, but they also got a Filipino actor to voice Sam. Generously Lois could be Filipino-Korean but if we're being truly honest it's clear the MAWS crew think Asians are interchangeable.

Let's talk about Sam. In terms of optics, it's already not great that the main villains who represent the face of America's secret government xenophobia are Amanda Waller and Sam Lane- a Black woman and an Asian man. What's doubly notable is that of the antagonistic villains, Sam and Vicki are the most xenophobic. When Sam tortures Superman, he shouts "When is the invasion? How many of your kind will come through this time?" without a hint of irony. Reminder that historically, Asian immigrants were (and still are) considered invaders in America. They are the perpetual foreigner. MAWS loves making nods to Superman being an immigrant allegory, and yet they can't fathom the human beings that allegory is inspired by.

It's not impossible to portray people of color or even Asian American characters specifically being xenophobic. In Superman Smashes the Klan, Dr. Lee is initially antagonistic towards Superman but we understand why. We see him trying desperately to assimilate into whiteness, to the point he rejects assistance from his Black neighbors who help put out a fire in their backyard (that the Klan started as a threat). We understand why he's a character who would turn on fellow people of color, or fellow immigrants, in order to fit in. For MAWS, if we had a flashback scene where Sam was serving in the military and fought against Asian soldiers, showcasing his loyalty to America over his own people- that would narratively explain why an Asian American character would be xenophobic. Writing bigotry from within marginalized communities requires specificity. Otherwise, you've just got a diverse villain. In the end, Lois defends her immigrant alien boyfriend from her xenophobic Asian American dad.

Whenever I bring up how MAWS fails its characters of color but especially Asian Lois, I'm met with people telling me that "hopefully they'll make Lois more Asian in S2" or "they'll just retcon the bad writing in S1" and I hope this thorough analysis on the treatment of Lois' Asian American identity can help enlighten why I personally think that's impossible. The entire concept is flawed from the very beginning. The story MAWS wants to tell is at odds with Lois' Asian identity. In trying to justify an Asian Lois that loves Clark but hates Superman, they never considered what it means to hate Superman. To hate the alien immigrant. The alien other. What it means for an Asian American character to do all that. MAWS is a show that wants to have its cake and eat it too, they want a diverse world without racism or sexism but still want to reap the clout of lightly portraying Superman as "different".

They'll make the most surface level nods to Lois' Korean heritage- but remove all of the cultural context from them. They can't be bothered to acknowledge the inherit political identity being a person of color means in America, they're too busy doing that with Clark. I'm told "MAWS didn't have the time to go over Lois' Asian identity, it's a 10-episode series that focuses on Clark's alienation", and to that I say the potential of an immigrant love story and time frame was there, they simply chose to go another direction.

When I bring up things like Superman Smashes the Klan, Girl Taking Over, and Everything Everywhere All At Once, it's not to say MAWS should have used those stories as reference when crafting their allegory. All of those specific media were released while MAWS was deep in production already. Girl Taking Over was released the same year MAWS premiered. What I am saying is that we, as the audience, should have higher standards. Because better media portraying Asian American characters already exist. Better media portraying Asian characters relating to Superman mythos already exists. What we're doing when we celebrate the breadcrumbs of representation that is MAWS, is allowing mediocrity to exist uncritically.

Shows like Wednesday are known in the discourse for their portrayal of Black characters as being functionally white, yet that kind of scrutiny doesn't seem known for MAWS. The diverse reimagining of Lois and Jimmy is so poorly handled in MAWS that it would honestly make more sense if Jimmy and Lois were white here. The joke made at Jimmy's expense that he doesn't understand bigotry would be actually funny if it was calling out his white privilege. If, for whatever reason, the writers are compelled to write a xenophobic Lois that unlearns her bigotry and falls for Superman, I'd rather she be white for that kind of story. I wouldn't personally root for that kind of couple, but at least it'd make sense. It's a common joke among DCAU fans of color that we like to headcanon Lex Luthor as Black, or Lois Lane and Terry Mcginnis as Asian. It's a cruel irony that the one time we finally have a canonized Asian Lois in an animated show, she honestly feels and acts whiter than actual white Lois ever was.

I mentioned in Pt 1 of my essay that Asian Lois and Superman has the potential to be a definitive love story. One that considers both their backgrounds as immigrants, othered in different ways by American society. The story of a jaded but accomplished Asian city girl who finds hope to be herself again in an alien immigrant superhero. One where she gets the courage to wear traditional clothes again, to practice languages she once suppressed. The story of Superman, an alien immigrant, finding hope in someone with a painfully similar experience.

As of writing, we have yet to see this dynamic in any canon DC media. A second season of MAWS will not give us that story.

[sgiandubh]

News from Birmingham, part 3: verbatim

Verbatim means 'word for word' in Latin and it is often used in French to convey the idea something is being reported exactly as it actually happened.

Absolutely not sorry for the length, nor for the lost night spent on it.

So, here go the juiciest parts using the recording I am (for those joining in later) NOT allowed to post as is. Selection is mine and mine solely - editorial line and all the rest. Once I am done, I shall add my comments. It was hard for the girls to focus on what was being said on stage and write to me in DMs, at the same time. Recording everything was a risk, but also genius. The bits I am going to post are taken exactly as I heard them:

✔️on Blonde Bambino (yes, she elaborated and I had no idea when reporting live by proxy): '(...) and it's just amazing, he's the sweetest, sweetest thing and he looooves music. And, I feel like I succeeded being a mother purely because the other day he asked me if he could invite Kate Bush to his birthday'.

✔️on borrowed things from set: she regrets not having taken some things she liked from previous seasons. 'It's been a long time since I've borrowed anything (...). Terry gave me two nightgowns made in Season 1, she gave me one that was never used. And then she promised me a lot of things (...).' Wanted to 'borrow' something from her own surgery.

✔️on her involvement with the Blankfaces fashion label-cum- homeless charity in GLA: 'oh, that is Gerry who runs that, he is a friend of my husband's and he is just this amazing person who does grassroots organizing, you know, Blankfaces he's been doing for a long time. And I just met Gerry, you know, socially, and then I thought what he was doing was amazing, and I also found the clothes amazing and so I just bought them.' Further explains what Blankfaces does, the shop, the stories, including the food kitchen, but denies a more active involvement with the project/brand. 'I was just the other day at Hozier (...),he is amazing [cooing, booing] and I'm just paraphrasing from Andrew, and Andrew said this amazing thing, which was how we all want to be part of big things, right, you know to be a part of those things that would change the world, and all of that, but it's actually the small little things you do every single day, in your community, that have the biggest impact. (...) But you can buy their stuff online.'

✔️on producing a future movie based on Book Ten: 'I would not be in those competitions with Starz.'

✔️on her resemblance with Claire (oh dear God, not that question again!): 'As a kid, I was definitely not obedient, definitely not quiet and definitely not tidy, but as an adult, I ended up being more organized than I've ever thought I would be in my life (...) shocking (...). The world has changed crazy, (...) I used to talk to people and have opinions on things, but now it feels like a cesspool (...). I miss that space for conversation.'

✔️on 'Erself and the end of Outlander: 'well Diana came to visit, I actually don't know when it was, not that long ago, she came on set, sheeee... ugh, you'd have to forgive me, it was last season, it was so long ago, I can't remember what is what and I have to remember if she wrote something last season (...). Diana, she's created this world (...), she watches everything (...). But she's also allowed us to sort of make her characters our own and she's given us her blessing to do that, which has been amazing. And she still won't tell us the ending. [Voice in public: Sam knows!] Sammy... Sam THINKS he knows.'

✔️on the public impact of OL's Season 1 and sudden fame: 'I got this job so last minute, I was living in the US and I knew it was a US series that we're gonna be filming in the UK. And I read the first book so I was like, OMG sounds like an amazing show to film. But then I went from being cast to being in Scotland in one week. And then you're just like, you're working for 85, 90 hours a week. I didn't know who I was, where I was, what was going on. (...) and we went to Comic Con (...), I mean that whole year was a blur, an amazing blur, but a blur.' Had no expectations about what the show would become, it's now broadcast in 87 countries, 'it's insane, it's amazing'. Being able to be successful after 10 years is 'amazing'.

✔️on what she will miss most about Scotland or is she planning to stay in Scotland after OL is over: 'that's the million dollars question, I don't know. I mean, I think I'll... my husband is Scottish, so I think we'll always have something there, his parents both live there, so you know, we're not never going to be there at some point, but I don't know what is gonna happen after, but I am very, I feel, yeah, I feel like it's gonna be so sad not to... you know for 11 years, no matter like if we're gonna back in the United States or to London for a while we've always known we'd be back to Scotland at some point and be there for 10 or 11 months and so now I don't know, I don't know what the future holds, so....'

✔️on her and Tony sharing the same musical tastes: ' do Sam and I share the same music [Steve immediately BARKS: 'no, Tony, your real husband!'] Tony? Yes. Sam - no.'

✔️Sam's whisky or Graham's bourbon? 'Sam's whisky. I haven't tasted the bourbon, but bourbon is too sweet'.

✔️speaking about Steve - 'he's so mean'. In jest (?).

✔️her favorite part of making her own gin: 'tasting (...), trusting your senses'. The distillery changed, from the first to the second batch - the product's taste changed, a learning curve. They wanted to make sure it's still the same product.

✔️on regretting she did not start acting ten years earlier - mentioned not being ready for the responsibility of shooting 14, 16 hours a day, no sick days, etc: 'it's like a beast'. She felt OL came at the right time, was 'prepared and ready to be there' and eager to be given 'a shot (...): whatever you throw at me, I'll do it'. 'And I think for Sam was the same.'

✔️on memorable OL sets/places: Craigh Na Dun stones. 'The new place where we are, really cool. (....) Amazing stately homes like Hopetoun'. It's 'amazing.'

✔️on another parts in movies - she looks forward for 'good writing' and 'the character to speak' to her, in a new project, the people she will work with... Cliche AF. The Cut and The Amateur roles are 'not huge', the last she clearly said it was a small role, 'it's not my film, it's someone else's film'. She 'did not want to be working all the time, obviously with a small child'. Defined The Cut's plot as 'bizarre', and The Amateur as 'funny'. Loves her job, is happy with it.

✔️last question was asked by a French woman with a very thick accent, about traveling and learning things out of it - C. considers herself very lucky to have been able to travel all around the world as a model. Traveling taught her empathy, how to get over our very Christian centric view of the world. Mentions growing up in 'a very small village in Ireland, that was pretty much, you know, one church, one tiny school and one shop'. Her parents 'instilled a love of reading and learning'. Then she left Ireland to live in France and Japan, and traveled to Nepal. Nepal :'the trip that changed me and changed my life, because I was like seeing a completely different culture that had no correlation to anything that I grew up with, but it was the most beautiful spiritual awakening I guess I've ever had. (...) By traveling and by eating different foods and trying to speak other languages, which I try to do and I apologize to everybody because I try and speak your language, too, because I think (...) it's important to try and connect, because we expect people to come here and do that and it's so rude we don't go and do the same [ applause].' Being able to travel allows us to see how different and how similar we are'.

Ended with a huge thank you to fans, it's been so long that I wasn't attending a convention, 'but it meant the world to me to meet you all again, seen so many familiar faces, it feels so weird to be at the end of this show, because it has meant so much to me (...). Will see you all again soon.'

***

And now, for my comments and findings. Almost point by point:

Kate Bush, LOL (we'll never agree, C and I, on this one; but I can almost imagine Blonde Bambino cooing this - awww):

So, she basically repeated the same anecdote as last year, during promo. From Sade to Kate Bush, and hey, what about that birthday - 'the other day'? But let's not be nitpicky.

'Gerry' actually is Gerard McKenzie Govan, one of the three Directors and the founder of The Blankfaces CIC, a Community Interest Company (regular company with an increased social responsibility twist and, as such, heavily subsidized by the local authorities, too). More on him, here, for those who really want to know about him: https://www.glasgowwestendtoday.scot/magazine/the-man-behind-the-blankfaces-1391/. But that is not the most juicy part, actually - some blatant inconsistencies are. Like 'Gerry' being a friend of Nameless Husband's, but still she met him socially (huh? I thought he was a friend of Nameless Husband, hence a family acquaintance?). Also, C doesn't know shite about The Blankfaces, but still bravely fills in those blanks, like when she tells us fans Gerry has been doing Blankfaces 'for a long time'. The UK competent public authority, Companies House, says something very different and I can prove that the CIC was registered in 2018. Which is not really a long time at all:

'March 6, 2018 - Incorporation of a Community Interest Company' - see above. It also doesn't seem to be very well managed, at all:

Both its yearly accounts and its confirmation statement are long overdue (since 2023, in fact). The CIC is, actually, subject of an 'active proposal to strike off', which means it will be closed/dissolved, and rather sooner than later:

In their case, I suspect a compulsory strike-off, issued by the Companies House register. Fits with the legal criteria:

In a nutshell: because The Blankfaces failed to file its annual accounts and confirmation statement AND because it did not answer to the Companies House's two kind reminder letters, it will be forcibly dissolved in less than two months from now and there is NO going back on that decision, according to UK law.

Wouldn't C know about her Nameless Husband's Friend huge problems? I mean, how more tone-deaf and disconnected can you be, promoting a clinically dead business and inviting people to buy their clothes from their online shop?

Unless... Yeah, unless - but oooh, stupid shippers, slap a shipper, etc.

[Source: Moore and Stoke, an insolvency practitioners' firm based in Stoke-on Trent, UK - simply because they had the simplest and most recent legal explanation, see here: https://www.moorestoke.co.uk/active-proposal-to-strike-off/].

Compared to that, the fact that Tracula was nowhere to be seen at the recent Andrew Hozier-Byrne's concert in GLA is really peanuts. This is serious, legal stuff and please don't give me the 'she's an artist, she doesn't know shit about business' lame excuse. She is also a businesswoman, with her own spirits brand and several other companies, at least in the UK, Ireland and the US. Give me a break, #IYKYK.

Can't wait to be done with OL. Even the thought of a future movie based on Book Ten makes her cringe. Felt it in her voice and it was enough.

World feels like a cesspool? Why on Earth? She is a beautiful, successful and accomplished woman, with her own family and free from want. A cesspool is a very strong and strange word, in this apparent context. Unless.. but yeah, stupid shipper, slap a shipper. Missing conversations, expressing her opinion.... Not even LOL. It made me feel sad. Everything that happened to them since 2016 must be such a burden.

Sammy. SAMMY? Whoa, girl! Merci beaucoup, vraiment. Term of endearment, anyone? Compare with the stiff dead 'my husband' - again, the difference between a teddy bear and a guillotine is transparent in her voice. Also, DG - a difficult topic for her. She doesn't like 'Erself much and I think we all know why.

You tell me about 87 countries, Ma'am. I experience it every day, from the sidelines, so I can easily imagine what the impact could be for you. OL, that blessing and that curse. Also, when she is fed up with prodding and unwilling to kiss arses, she'd quip something along the lines of 'amazing' and be done with it.

Bonnie Scotland and the Day After. Another great moment of 'what the hell ever, just say anything'. Also, Caitriona Mary is a terrible, terrible liar - just like Sam Roland, you know. Her answer came out as incoherent and borderline illogical. Look at this: ' I mean, I think I'll… my husband is Scottish' - the 'I'll' part was her spontaneous starting to answer, about herself, but then inhibition kicked in and shit, she remembered she is married and had to somehow insert Tracula and both his parents (alive, just to make sure). Also, excuse me, hellooo: 'I think we'll always have something there'. Sounds like a flat, more like a pied-à-terre, but lo and behold, she suggests life is going to be elsewhere. What about that pharaonic McMansion, we so passionately followed the painstaking refurbishment of, double glazing included and borderline scandalizing the local heritage protection NGOs in the process? That doesn't really sound like 'something there', does it? That Bear Grylls flat looked more like 'something there', so where's the catch-22, here? What if I was right about McMansion being a fixer-upper she never planned to live in (where, oh where does The Happy Couple live? ooooh, ROFLMAO)? What if I was right about some other thoughts I am not ready to discuss yet? Questions, questions. And yes, London. IYKYK and very different from the emotional, savant blur. Also, for a very organized grown-up woman (her own words, see above), not knowing what the future holds... I mean I get it, but how peculiar, isn't it? Drawing a line, that question unsettled her. She was not planning to answer. She ended with a joke on not being able to see 'that yellow thing in the sky for five months in a row'. Get me out of this question and quick.

The music tastes' question was very clearly audible, even from the back of the room and I had zero trouble to distinctly hear it - it was also asked in a posh & polite British accent, so that helped a LOT: ' do you and Tony share the same music tastes?' The Freudian slip is simply inexplicable. Also, she answered Tony, not 'my husband' : Tony+ my husband in the same phrase is something beyond her strength. But why answer about S at all, that was NOT the question? Why? There are limits to dumbfuckery, after all. Also, Steve is such a pain in the arse. Who, in your mind and heart, is the real husband, C?

Whisky vs. Bourbon, she mumbled her answer, very uneasy, had to listen three times to untangle it. The Soup Nazi had to step in and bark the answer, train station megaphone style, for everyone to hear and get the memo. Now I understand why. And you should, too.

'He's so mean'. Definitely not in jest. Steve, that is. Fire that dick. Plus, later on, she quipped to him: 'you have the reputation of being like a strict schoolmaster'. Answer: 'maybe I am'. A cara nem treme, like they say in Brazil.

In that gin question, the Stan dutifully mentioned Tony (arse kissers, ALL OF THEM) - she could have mentioned him openly, she had a boulevard in front of her. But nope, she came back to mainly mentioning her own experience and a very vague 'we'.

'And I think Sam was the same' - conversations were had early on. In Central Park, London. And then things went very fast, as it sometimes happens. Sharing takes things on a very different level. I think this is exactly what happened to them.

Memorable places: they both are very moved by Craigh Na Dun, and it's absolutely normal. And Hopetoun - LOL, hello, of course ('The Door Faces North', pun totally intended).

Next two movies: so long for her Stans' delusions she was given a main role. She wrapped deception with grace and hid behind being a mom. ALL THE ANTI BLOGS WERE EERILY SILENT ABOUT THIS. I wonder why. Actually no, I don't. But sure, shippers twist things, shippers hide things. No shame, those people.

The last question, on travel, was my favorite one. I think it was perhaps the only time she felt able to fully express what she meant and wanted to. Many will jump on that Nepal reference and it is correct, but to me, on a very personal level, it spoke in many, many other ways. This is the C I have managed to embrace, reluctantly at first (I admit) and like a LOT. This is the witty girl I thought I have lost forever in that sea of painful innuendos, stupid Stans ass-kissing and blurring everything in the process, plus a Nazi minder on top. Fire that dick. Seriously. He wanted to end on a 'funny' Kumbaya note - she subtly managed to break free. Thank you, C. Seriously. The wonder you are and completely unaware of it. And the things you can do with words, if only you'd dare play with them some more.

Her tone at the end was emotional. Very. It was the same tone as for that 'partner everyday' gala speech. Oh, the things she wanted to tell all of us. And if we only knew. But hey, she promised we will meet again, soon. Perhaps in Paris? I'll gladly speak to you. In French.

A HUGE thank you. Both of you. I love you, girls.

[elenadvrx]

this idea popped up while i was writing kenma’s piece. enjoy this little side story! ◡̈

———————————————————————————

"you losers are just jealous i got someone to love. now let's get our loot back to the ship, we don't got much time left." kenma's voice seeped through kuroo's speakers.

kuroo glanced back to his bed, where you were lying down on your front as you watch him play with his friends. he winked and blew you a kiss, to which you softly chuckled at his cheesy actions.

your relationship with kuroo has only been 6 months, but the both of you knew each other ever since middle school - well, you, kuroo and kenma. kenma would probably look at you in disbelieve when he finds out you and kuroo got together.

heck, even you didn't think that you would like the loud cackling, chemistry nerd years down the road.

you initially came over his house to hang out together as he had been busy with work for the past few days until kenma messaged him to play a game together. he refused at first, choosing to focus solely on you, but you insisted it was okay for him to play because if it was days since he last spend time with you, it was weeks since he last met his friends.

"hey! i did just saved kenma with a shovel!" albeit his friends do like to tease him a lot.

you were contented to silently admire his side profile, his back muscles straining against his t-shirt with every movement, appreciating everything about him that you missed while he was away.

"i can feel you staring, you know that?" kuroo remarked, not moving his eyes from the screen.

"yeah? well you do look exceptionally handsome today. i feel like i need to take a bite of you. can't believe i have a fine specimen as my boyfriend." you grinned at him when you notice a faint pink hue on his cheeks. while kuroo usually does the complimenting and pick-up lines, he does has his moments where he feels bashful when you were the one doing it instead.

kuroo just grumbles incoherently, probably trying to rebutt your comments.

chuckling, you slowly approach your boyfriend from behind, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and gave a nip on his earlobe. kuroo flinched but you didn't miss the slight shiver he emitted from his lithe body.

conscious of his mic, you pressed soft kisses along his jaw, down the slope of his neck, his nape, nipping it as well. kuroo gulped audibly, trying to restrain from making any noise. feeling extra bold, your hands travelled down from his shoulders to his chest, shamelessly caressing his pecs (where the hell did he find time to work out?)

"stop it, baby." but it was a weak attempt at stopping you from further showering him with affection despite the risk of his friends listening.

"hmm? stop what?" you've now walked around him to gently plop yourself down on his lap comfortably. it was so cute when you noticed how flushed his face was that you couldn't resist giving him a kiss. before he deepens the kiss, you pull away, laughing when he chases your lips.

"you fiend." kuroo playfully glares at you through his lashes. you only wink in response.

“kuro." kenma's voice broke through the bubble you and kuroo were in. "please don't tell me you were doing what you were doing, and with who you were doing it with."

both of you froze, temporarily forgetting he was in the middle of a game.

"uh-uhm." he clears his throat. "yeah? no, i mean no. i wasn't doing anything with anyone."

[you got disconnected from the game]

ding

"traitors. both of you. i hope you both fall into a pit and never get out. can't believe my own childhood friends got together without telling me. choke."

although you do feel guilty for keeping it a secret, you can't help but to laugh at kenma's messages as kuroo let out a sigh and rest his forehead on your shoulder.

"glad you find this funny." he peeked up at you, bottom lip jutting out a little.

"well at least he knows now." you pecked his nose.

"don't think you can get away from doing what you did just now, missy!"

you quickly got up from his lap to run, but you couldn't possibly outrun his long limbs and got caught just before you reached his bedroom door.

squealing, you were tugged back into his embrace before being lifted up and tossed to the bed. he quickly crawled over you, effectively trapping you against the bed. "now where were we?"

[weirdkpopgirl]

Friends Who Kiss | Chenle Fic #1

Title: Friends Who Kiss

Genre: Best friends to lovers, high school/college au

Warnings: mentions of the reader being insecure and having a mental breakdown at some point. a little suggestive, but not really

Word Count: ~ 5.6k

Author's Note: Okay to be very honest, I think that this story is kinda stupid and cliché. But it was an idea that I still wanted to try writing. And this is my first full-length fic for Chenle too, so I'm happy to post something for him. So to those who like cheesy romance stories, I hope you enjoy this. Thank you for reading ^ ^

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

Since the start of high school, Zhong Chenle has been a consistent part of your life. He arrived as a transfer student from Shanghai, while you were the reserved kid who often used studying as an excuse to avoid social interaction. So rather than you reaching out to him first, it was he who practically claimed you as his best friend. Your personalities were a striking contrast, but it proved to be the perfect balance. It didn't take long for the two of you to become inseparable.

However, your friendship took a turn in eleventh grade. You guys had gone to your house after school to do homework. Except it was mostly you working on assignments, while Chenle was animatedly ranting about some mobile game Jisung was terrible at playing.

“It’s unbelievable! Every time I check his character gets killed,” Chenle laughed, and you responded with a soft hum of acknowledgment.

The boy glanced up from his phone to find you engrossed in your textbooks. While your attention was focused on writing an essay, you were also trying to keep your mind from drifting to the unsettling conversation you had during lunch that day. Typically, you and Chenle sat together with his friends. But Jisung needed the boy’s help stalking his crush, so you found yourself sitting with some of the girls in your class. 

Sensing the inner conflict brewing in your mind, Chenle rose from the bed and leaned over your shoulder. 

“You've been at this since we got here. How is your brain not fried?” he asked, blunt as usual.

You shot the boy with an unappreciative glare. “It is fried. But our essay is due on Monday, and I still have to help you with yours.”

Chenle sighed, well aware of your enduring determination. Ever since he met you, he couldn’t understand why you stressed so much over assignments, especially when you always completed them before the due date. Then you somehow managed to go out of your way to ensure he was doing the same.

“You’re more than halfway finished, and I’ll get to mine on my own time,” He reassured, “Why don’t you take a break for now?”

Before you could protest, Chenle swiftly pulled you out of your chair and guided you to sit on the bed with him. Worry clouded his gaze. “Something’s troubling you, isn’t it?”

Your teeth sank into your lower lip, hating how Chenle knew you so well. He didn’t have a problem sharing what was on his mind, while you were the exact opposite. Yet, even a single look at you was enough for him to detect something was off.

“The girls at lunch were going on about their dating experiences and stuff,” you began to explain, your tone tinged with irritation at the memory. “They were all so surprised when I said I haven’t had my first kiss yet.”

You pushed yourself to meet Chenle's gaze, half dreading that he might burst into laughter. Instead, his expression held a hint of amusement, and that alone made you regret bringing up the topic.

Before he could respond, you hurriedly attempted to backtrack on your words. “It's stupid, I know—”

“It’s not stupid if it’s making you upset,” Chenle said firmly.

Leaning back in your seat, you let out an exasperated sigh. “I just can’t get their judgmental looks out of my head. All because I don’t have much experience with dating?”

Chenle's expression softened as he confessed, "There's nothing wrong with that, and there’s a lot of people like you. I haven't had my first kiss either."

“Really?!” You stared at him in disbelief. “Didn't you date Ko Mi-so though?”

Chenle scoffed, appearing slightly offended. “Okay, that happened such a long time ago. And we didn't even last a month, so we never kissed.”

Now that you thought about it, he was right about their relationship ending almost as quickly as it began. You recalled the time back in tenth grade when Chenle was quite smug about dating Mi-so, who happened to be the prettiest girl in class. Frankly, you were somewhat relieved when they broke up, given that she didn't particularly like you. Chenle hasn’t dated anyone since.

“Oh, I guess that makes sense,” your voice trailed off. 

The boy stayed silent for a moment before an idea dawned on him. “You know what? Why don’t we have our first kiss now?”

Your cheeks felt like they were competing for a world record in how quickly they heated up at Chenle's proposal. He couldn't possibly be serious.

“Did I hear you right?” you stammered, thoroughly taken aback by the suggestion.

Chenle nodded confidently, “I mean, we're best friends, so it's not that weird. And it's better than kissing someone we don't know as well or not have a connection with.”

You could kind of see his point. Having Chenle as your first kiss did seem much safer than kissing some random guy. Besides, it wasn’t like either of you had any underlying feelings for each other. This would solely be for practice.

“Alright,” you reluctantly agreed, “But you have to promise not to make fun of me if I turn out to be a bad kisser."

Chenle chuckled and nodded. He inched closer to you on the bed, leaving little space between the two of you. Although he saw you every day, having your face this near made a faint blush tinge his cheeks.

He started to lean in more before pausing. "Um, maybe you should close your eyes."

"Oh—right," you mumbled awkwardly, then took a deep breath before allowing your eyelids to shut.

He had to suppress a chuckle, finding you kinda cute in that moment. Before you had a chance to second-guess yourself, Chenle pressed his lips against yours in a tender kiss. Shortly after, he drew back, searching for your reaction.

“So, how was that?” He asked, voice laced with teasing.

You stared at him incredulously for a moment before realizing he was waiting for you to answer. “I suppose it was okay,” you mumbled.

Chenle tilted his head with an amused grin. “Just okay?”

“Yeah, I guess I didn't feel much because we're not really into each other like that,” you admitted with a nonchalant shrug.

Okay, you might have partially lied about not feeling much during the kiss. Truth be told, there was this strange, fluttery sensation in your chest when your best friend's lips grazed yours. But perhaps all first kisses were like that, and you were simply overthinking it.

The boy beside you let out a hearty laugh. “Well at least we got that over with.”

You had to muster all your self-control not to blush when he followed up with, “And you're not a bad kisser, by the way.”

Believing that the experiment was over, the two of you returned to your previous tasks. Nothing changed much after that day in your bedroom, as you and Chenle remained best friends. But little did you realize that this wouldn't be the last kiss you'd be sharing with him. 

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Despite your previous attempts to justify it, the second kiss you shared with Chenle happened partially because of you. As your senior year of high school unfolded, Chenle prepared for his performance at the spring festival. It was you who initially urged him to participate in the talent show. The countless times you had witnessed his piano playing and singing during your private moments together convinced you that he should share his talents with the world. Your compliments not only fueled Chenle’s ego but also prompted him to eagerly jot his name down on the sign-up sheet.

However, what you didn’t expect was to find him backstage, looking as pale as a ghost. He was supposed to go after a group of girls who were dancing to Red Velvet’s “Red Flavor.” With the intention of cheering him on in person, you spotted the dark-haired boy sitting on a chair, anxiously bouncing his legs.

“Last-minute jitters?" you asked softly.

Chenle glanced up at you and crossed his arms in a nonchalant manner. “What, me? I'm fine,” he replied, though his tone lacked conviction.

Just as Chenle knew you like the back of his hand, you were among the few who could read him. While he was partially correct about never being nervous, it didn't take an idiot to perceive that he was in that moment. It was evident he was trying to play it off to uphold his confident image. 

One aspect that troubled you about Chenle was his constant facade of cheerfulness and carefree demeanor. No one could genuinely be happy all the time, and he was the kind of person who concealed his negative feelings when around others.

After deliberating on how to address the situation, you gently rested your hand on his shoulder, bringing yourself to eye level with him.

“Hey, you’re going to be amazing out there,” you reassured him. “I’ve seen how many hours you put into practicing that song. You have nothing to worry about.”

Chenle let out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, you're right.”

The smile he bestowed upon you didn't quite convince you. Biting your lip in hesitation, you glanced around to ensure no one else was nearby. Once you were sure that you were alone, you leaned down and gently planted a kiss on the boy’s forehead. Chenle’s eyes widened in surprise at your actions.

“What was that for?”

Blushing, you took a step back and stammered, “Just for good luck, you know. I—I’ll be right there in the crowd, watching you. So if you feel nervous on stage, just look at me.”

A more reassured smile spread across Chenle’s lips and before he stood up to swiftly peck you on the lips, leaving you more stunned than he was a few seconds ago.

“There, I definitely feel more ready now,” he declared with a teasing glint. And the smug Chenle you were familiar with had returned.

As Chenle’s playfulness lingered in the air, the sound of the audience clapping erupted for the girls, putting an end to your “moment.” With a knowing look, you both parted ways, allowing Chenle to step into the spotlight for his performance.

As he took the stage, you found a spot in the crowd, eyes fixed on him with awe. The rhythm of the applause filled the air, drowning out any lingering thoughts. In that moment, the stage became his world, and you couldn't help but be swept away by the magic of his talent. The earlier exchange faded into the background as you watched Chenle shine, each note and melody weaving a captivating spell that left you in admiration.

Neither of you mentioned the kiss after that day. The interaction remained more platonic than anything, a gesture that was only meant to show your support for him. But Chenle still liked to think he killed the stage because of it.

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Chenle was undeniably responsible for the next time the two of you kissed. However, this particular incident didn't unfold until the first semester of your freshman year in college. The joy of discovering you both had been accepted into the same university was palpable, though Chenle appeared to be more exuberant about the news. In contrast, you felt a sense of relief, grateful that you wouldn't be venturing into the world of college alone.

In one of your classes, a sunbae began to show interest in you. Despite your attempts to politely reject him, it became apparent that he wasn't willing to accept no for an answer. 

One day after class, he cornered you in the hallway, insisting that you go out with him. As you tried to maintain your composure, he grabbed you by the wrist when you tried to walk away. The harsh move triggered internal panic within you.

You could sense the danger in his tone as his head tilted cockily. “Come on, (Y/n), don’t be so difficult. I know you’re just playing hard to get.”

“I—I’m sorry but I just don’t feel the same as you, Sunbae,” you stuttered, trying to be assertive. “Please let go.”

Refusing to relent, the sunbae was on the verge of pulling you in closer when another hand intervened, forcefully ripping you out of his grasp. Your head turned in astonishment to see Chenle casting a disgusted look at the guy in front of you. The flames in Chenle’s eyes made you realize that you had never seen him so livid before.

“She said to let go of her. What part of that do you not understand?” Chenle’s voice cut through the tension.

The sunbae scoffed and crossed his arms in defense, “Yah, who are you to involve yourself in someone else’s matters? Are you her boyfriend or something?”

You watched as the corner of Chenle’s lips turned into a smirk as he snaked an arm around your waist in a protective gesture. 

“That’s right. So who are you to go after another man’s girlfriend?” he retorted confidently. Your eyes widened, almost surprised as the jerk in front of you.

Shaking his head in a mix of disbelief and embarrassment, the sunbae pointed a finger at you. “This is a joke, right? You just asked him to pretend to be your boyfriend to mess with me!”

Before you could respond, Chenle took matters into his own hands. His free hand briskly moved to the back of your neck, drawing you in for a passionate kiss. In a typical situation, your best friend's impulsive actions might have freaked you out immediately. However, the way his fingers delicately pressed against your back reassured you that he was doing this for your sake, Closing your eyes, you kissed back and tried to reciprocate with the same passion Chenle was pouring.

Moments later, Chenle pulled away and turned to the sunbae, wearing a satisfied grin on his face. “Do you believe her now? Not that she has to prove anything to you.”

The older male muttered begrudgingly under his breath, “Whatever, not worth my time.”

With a scowl, he stormed off, leaving behind a palpable sense of relief in the wake of his departure. Once he was gone, you removed yourself from Chenle's hold and shot him a look of confusion.

“You know you didn’t have to do that right?” 

Chenle chuckled, “Well, someone had to put an end to his nonsense. Besides, I've always wanted to play the protective boyfriend card.”

“Protective boyfriend? You almost gave me a heart attack!” You smacked him on the shoulder.

Chenle’s smirk remained, but he adopted a more concerned tone. “But seriously, (Y/n), why didn’t you tell me he was bothering you earlier?”

“I thought I could handle things on my own.” You shrugged weakly, lowering your head in guilt.

Chenle sighed, recognizing your aversion to depending on others for your problems. Throughout the time he’d known you, he'd witnessed your willingness to go to great lengths to help those you cared about. However, when it came to your own struggles, you seemed to prefer suffering in silence.

“We’re best friends for a reason,” he reminded you, “Looking after each other is 50/50, you know?”

You offered him a small smile, “I guess you’re right. Thanks for saving me today.”

“Well, you can thank me by buying food tonight,” Chenle said, the playful glint returning to his eyes. “It’s your turn anyway.”

Rolling your eyes, you let him lead you out of the building. But Chenle’s words from earlier lingered in the back of your mind. “We’re best friends for a reason.” 

The two of you were the epitome of what best friends were. And that was all the two of you would ever be, right?

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At this point, you were beginning to lose count of the number of times you’ve kissed your best friend. Despite this, your friendship maintained its familiar rhythm throughout the university. But after that hallway encounter, the awkwardness that came with kissing your best friend faded. Although it was more of Chenle seeming unfazed, and you becoming less surprised each time it happened. And indeed, there were a few more instances that caused your lips to meet.

Like the time Chenle excitedly dragged you to his dorm to watch a Golden State Warriors game, and, in the heat of the moment, he gave you a quick kiss before cheering some more. Then there was the other time when you both went out for drinks with friends, a few drunken kisses were shared.

There weren't any real feelings attached to the kisses you and Chenle shared. At least, that was what you repeatedly told yourself. However, as you were halfway through your first year of university, you finally started to question the true nature of your friendship with Zhong Chenle.

Those thoughts began to sink in just before your first finals in college. Isolated in your dorm room, you immersed yourself in studying for a math exam scheduled in three days. Calls and texts from friends went largely ignored as you turned off your phone in an attempt to focus. However, Chenle wasn't about to let that slide. 

One night, he let himself into your dorm, carrying a bag of your favorite takeout—knowing well that you tended to skip meals when stressed. You could see the determination in his face, ready to scold you. But the expression quickly transitioned to one of concern when he caught you on the verge of a breakdown. 

You sat at your desk surrounded by textbooks and notebooks filled with scribbled equations. The sight of your trembling body and slightly tousled hair, a result of pulling on it too hard, tugged at Chenle’s heart. He was well aware of how your anxiety affected you at times. But he had never witnessed it manifest quite like this.

Instantly, the bag was placed on the floor, and he was at your side. “(Y/n), what's wrong?" 

“I—I'm going to fail my calc final,” you swallowed, your fingers curling into fists. Your shoulders slumped, and the weight of despair was evident in the way you hunched over the desk.

He placed a hand on your shoulder, attempting to calm you down. “You still have a few weeks before finals, (Y/n). And you’re not going to fail.”

“Yes, I am!” you cut him off, your voice strained. Tears welled up in your eyes, and your hands clenched even tighter. “I’ve been studying for days, and my dumb brain still doesn't understand anything. Do you know how stupid I feel?”

“Being bad at math doesn’t make you stupid, (Y/n),” Chenle said, trying to inject a bit of lightheartedness into the situation. However, his comment didn’t seem to offer you any comfort.

You shook your head miserably in response. “Stop trying to be nice. I'm going to fail, and then I’ll end up letting down my parents and everyone else.”

Chenle’s heart ached at the defeat in your voice. Setting his jokes aside, he recognized that words weren’t what you needed at the moment. Instead, he enveloped you in a warm embrace. You hesitated only briefly before surrendering to his comforting hold, attempting to fight back tears.

“Just let it out,” he whispered.

Those simple words acted as an emotional release trigger, and Chenle found himself gently rubbing your back as you quietly cried into his shoulder. A sense of mixed emotions flooded him as he held you in that moment. A part of him felt a twinge of relief, grateful that you let him be there for you. You often kept your emotions bottled up, making it a challenge for him to discern how you truly felt at times. 

However, there was a pang of sadness accompanying that satisfaction. He knew you didn't just cry in front of anyone, and realizing that you had reached this breaking point signaled the depth of your struggle.

After a while, Chenle gently pulled back, brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “You need a break, (Y/n). Let’s step away from the desk for a bit.”

"No, I really should—" you began to protest, but Chenle cut you off.

"You really should eat the food I brought you before it gets cold," he insisted, picking up the bag again.

He led you to sit on the carpet of your cramped dorm room, creating a makeshift dining space for the two of you. As you both shared a meal, Chenle continued to provide a comforting presence, occasionally cracking a joke to lighten the atmosphere.

As the night wore on, the exhaustion in your eyes became more prominent. Even so, you knew you should go back to studying. But Chenle seemed to disagree.

“Maybe you should just rest for the night. I promise to help you with math in the morning,” he suggested. However, upon seeing the unconvinced look you gave him, he backtracked on his words. “Okay, I'll have Renjun help you.”

Too tired to argue, you gave in, and that's how you found yourself lying in bed with your best friend. Back in high school, you used to have sleepovers at his house on the weekends. At night, the two of you would be lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and talking about anything. However, having him beside you at that moment felt strange. 

You saw a sincere tenderness reflected in those large eyes of his. A part of you wondered if Chenle often gazed at you with such fondness and you simply hadn’t noticed before. Either way, the way he was looking at you made you feel even stranger. And the short silence that had settled between the two of you wasn’t helping.

Uncertain of how much longer you could endure the intensity, you broke eye contact with him and murmured, “Thank you for always being there for me, even when I try to push you away”

Chenle chuckled, adjusting his position to prop himself up on his elbow. “Well, of course, because how could you live without me?”

His ability to joke at a time like this struck you as unfathomable. Instead of the usual eye roll or pushing off the bed, a serious expression remained etched on your face. 

“You're right, I don't think I can live without you,” you said, your voice laced with drowsiness. “Because you’re one of the few people who truly care about me.”

The amusement in his eyes danced away, as he felt the gravity of your words. Something about seeing this vulnerable side of you was so beautiful in his eyes. Before he could fully process his own thoughts, Chenle found himself leaning in to close the space between you with his lips meeting your own.

Uncertain whether it was the leftover stress from your meltdown or the sleep deprivation that prompted you to kiss back without much thought. You could recall all the times you’ve kissed Chenle throughout the years. But this one would always stand out to you.

This kiss lasted a lot longer than your previous ones. But it wasn’t just the way he tilted your chin upward for a better angle, or the feeling of his dark locks of hair slipping between your fingers. Nor was it the soft pressure of his lips moving in sync with yours. It was the indescribable emotions that made time seem to stand still, weaving an unspoken connection that surpassed words and left you yearning for more.

Aside from pulling away, both of you gasping for breath, and noticing how Chenle's lips were redder than you had ever seen them, you vaguely recalled what happened after the kiss. When you woke up the next morning, Chenle was already gone. However, he had left you a text message, mentioning that he went to check if Renjun could help tutor you in math.

But math was no longer the sole stressor in your mind. Your best friend had kissed you last night, and unlike all the other times, this one left you feeling more confused than ever. 

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

True to his word, Renjun offered to meet up with you that Sunday afternoon at the campus library. Within an hour of sitting down to unravel the calculus concept that eluded you, Renjun finally helped you grasp the material. Although the looming fear of failing finals had diminished, you still felt a weight on your shoulders.

“You don’t seem as relieved as I thought you’d be,” Renjun remarked lightheartedly. Even he could tell your mind was preoccupied with something else.

You smiled sheepishly, “No, I am! I seriously owe you for helping me out. I just…”

“Is it something to do with Chenle?” he asked, almost like he was a mind reader.

His unexpected question caught you off guard. “How did you know?” you stammered, feeling the heat quickly rise to your cheeks.

A knowing smile played on the boy’s lips as he leaned back in his seat. “Oh come on, (Y/n). You have that look on your face that something happened between the two of you.”

Sometimes you seriously wished Renjun wasn’t so good at reading people. Even though you weren’t as close to him as Chenle was, he’s known you long enough to notice things that others wouldn’t. For instance, when something was troubling you.

Biting your lip, you debated whether to be truthful with Renjun. Although you didn't typically share your problems with others, you recognized that confiding in someone at a time like this was necessary to maintain your sanity.

“Chenle kissed me last night,” you tossed the statement out in the air, hoping you wouldn’t regret it.

Renjun’s eyes widened at this revelation, “He did?!”

“Well you see, we’ve kissed before. But this time it felt different,” you clarified, baffling the boy across from you even more. Internally cringing, you were acutely aware of how bad this sounded.

Before he could question, you continued to elaborate. “Look, it's not as complicated as it sounds. It’s just ever since we agreed to be each other’s first kiss, Chenle and I just keep having these…accidental kisses. Whether it’s out of excitement or to get guys hitting on me to go away.”

Renjun listened quietly as you recounted all the other times you’ve kissed Chenle. When you circled back to the previous night, you felt more conflicted than ever.

“But the kiss last night left me feeling so confused,” you confessed, running a hand through your hair. “Initially, I thought he was just doing it out of comfort, but now I’m not so sure.”

“Well, have you considered the possibility that he has feelings for you?” Renjun inquired, crossing his arms. His suggestion sounded so simple, yet it felt like navigating uncharted territory in your mind.

You shook your head in denial. “N—No, I mean we’ve been best friends for five years. He can’t possibly see me that way.”

“Like that’s ever stopped friends from falling for each other,” Renjun cocked his head. “It doesn’t take a genius to know that he likes you, (Y/n).”

His point made you mentally curse. If you looked at your history with Chenle from an objective point of view, the two of you certainly didn’t act like normal best friends.

“And, it’s pretty obvious that you like him too,” Renjun added, twirling the pencil between his fingers.

His statement left you feeling exposed, as if you had been caught red-handed committing a crime. Laughing nervously, you shook your head, “Renjun, we’re just friends. I…I don’t see him that way.”

Renjun raised an eyebrow, “Friends who kiss? Did you really not feel anything in those moments?”

Your teeth sank further into your lower lip as Renjun’s question hit you. The reality of your feelings for Chenle lingered in the air, challenging the facade you had built to convince yourself otherwise. It was like trying to hold sand in your fists, slipping away no matter how tightly you clenched. The truth, however inconvenient, seemed to be unraveling before you.

“I…I did feel something,” you slowly admitted, “But I never said anything because I didn’t want our friendship to change. It just seemed easier to pretend those moments were nothing more than accidents.”

Renjun’s eyes softened with understanding. “Well maybe a little change is what you need in your friendship.”

Maybe Renjun was onto something, perhaps change was necessary. In the past, you had always held out on dating, using the excuse that you were waiting for the right person. Despite the fear of potential rejection, what if Chenle was the person you had been waiting for all along?

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Chenle’s living room bathed in the gentle glow of the TV screen, a familiar sight during your Friday movie nights since college began. It was supposed to be a time to unwind, to escape the pressures of school for a little while. However, instead of the usual peaceful and easygoing atmosphere, an unspoken tension hung in the air tonight. Beyond picking a movie and deciding who made the popcorn, you and Chenle barely talked. The weight of the unspoken words made the space feel suffocating, and you couldn't shake the feeling of unease that settled in your chest.

Unable to endure the weighty silence any longer, you turned your head to make a lame comment about the movie. However, before you could speak, Chenle beat you to it.

“Can we talk?” His voice carried a hint of restlessness, an unusual departure from his usual tone.

Trying to maintain a casual demeanor, you lightly nodded. With your acknowledgment, Chenle exhaled deeply and sat up straighter to face you properly.

“I know how crazy this might sound,” he started, running a hand through his hair. “But I’ve been thinking, and I don’t think we can stay friends.”

His words felt like a gun being pointed at your chest, panic surged within you as you tried to process the boy’s words. Of all the ways you predicted this conversation could go, this was not one of them.

“What do you mean?” you asked, your voice even smaller than his.

Noticing the perplexity in your eyes, Chenle continued. “You see, I've been in love with you for—I don’t know how long. But I spent all these years burying my feelings like a fool, because I never thought you’d see me that way. Yet, every time we kiss, it becomes harder for me to ignore my feelings for you.”

Chenle glanced down at his folded hands, vulnerability seeping into those brown orbs of his. “The other night made me realize that I don’t want to just be friends who kiss anymore. I want to be something more to you.”

His words lingered in the air now that they were out in the open. Your heart raced faster than it ever has before, as your cheeks flushed with heat. Chenle’s eyes bore into yours, his expression nervous yet hopeful. 

For a moment, you were left speechless. But you still had the sense to hit him on the shoulder, scolding, “Oh my gosh, you can’t start a conversation like that, Chenle. You scared me!”

The boy chuckled sheepishly, rubbing his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. But seriously, (Y/n), I meant what I said.”

A mix of emotions played on your face before you quietly admitted, “Honestly, I’ve wanted to be something more to you since that day we kissed in my bedroom.”

You noticed a smile of relief beginning to form on his lips, but you held up a finger before he could say anything. Now that he had taken the first step, you decided it was time for you to do the same.

“But I kept trying to convince myself that all the times we kissed were accidental or just for comfort,” you confessed, looking directly into his eyes. “And the reason I’ve been pushing away my feelings for you was because I was afraid of losing a friend who means the world to me.”

His hand rested on top of yours, the light touch sending a shiver down your spine. “You don’t have to be afraid because you’ll never lose me, (Y/n).”

The softness and sincerity in his eyes made you want to cry for some inexplicable reason. You once believed that confessing your feelings for Chenle would only lead to frustration and heartbreak. However, as you sat here with him, holding his hand, those worries seemed to vanish.

“So…what do we do now?” you asked, unsure of what was supposed to come next in these situations.

A mischievous glint danced in his eyes as he grinned. “I think this is the part where we kiss. But you know, as boyfriend and girlfriend.”

Just as you were processing his words, he moved closer, his breath warm against your skin, making your heart flutter. His eyes searched yours for permission. 

“Well, what are you waiting for then?” you whispered.

With that, the distance between you closed, and your lips met in a tender kiss. It was a sweet surrender, a culmination of years of friendship and suppressed feelings. Although this wasn’t your first kiss with Chenle, it felt that way in a sense. For you could finally savor the tender feeling of his lips without questioning the intention behind it.

In that moment, all you focused on was the way Chenle had his hand on the small of your back, guiding you closer as he deepened the kiss. Your fingers found their way to rest on the nape of his neck, feeling the warmth of his skin. 

Although the change in this dynamic had just begun, this newfound connection promised countless moments of shared laughter, whispered confessions, and the sweet warmth of shared kisses. You had a feeling that you could easily get used to this beautiful new normal. By the way Chenle smiled during the kiss, you could tell he felt the same way.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

[ohbother2]

Hi everyone,

I know it's been ages and some of you have probably seen this notification and have hoped that this means the fics on this page will be updating, however, I've got some bad news.

This blog was a joint account between two friends who loved creating silly stories of some of our favourite characters in our free time and gushing over character details with one another. Beyond tragically, my friend, the co-runner of this account, passed away a few months ago. Obviously, I'm keeping the details private, but it was sudden and unexpected.

I know this is a shock to all of you, and not what you were expecting to hear after such a long hiatus. Understandably, I've not been active on tumblr, particularly this account, since. It's felt incredibly wrong to login to this blog and even attempt to re-read some of the stuff posted or your comments/tags, especially without her to talk to about all your lovely messages. She really did love reading them, and we'd call for hours to laugh and talk about your kind messages.

Although I acted as what you'd call the 'face' of this account, actually posting, reblogging, commenting and following others, she was integral to the heart of this account, to the ideas and writing and editing that made this account what it is, and I don't want to continue posting heacannons/one-shots/any kind of creative writing on this blog without her. This was our passion-project, and a massive chunk of it is now missing.

I just wanted to let you guys know what the situation with this blog is and why, and I wanted to give a massive thank you from both of us for being the most supportive, kind-hearted, and tight-knit community we'd ever had or seen on Tumblr before. The fact we even had fan-art made of our writing goes to show how dedicated and incredibly talented this fandom is, how supportive and just genuinely excited everyone is to hype each other up and lift each other and appreciate all our passions. It's genuinely insane, and so rare in modern internet spaces.

Regarding the future of this account, because I don't want to leave unfinished fics floating around the website, and for personal reasons, I will be transferring all fics/one-shots over to AO3, marking them as incomplete, and 'orphaning' them. I've really debated this decision, and I believe it's the one she'd be most happy with. I'm just giving you guys fair warning, I'll wait a few weeks before I actually do anything. I don't know if I'll delete this blog, I'm rather attached, but I won't be active for a while.

Probably most importantly, if anyone wants to take our ideas or our unfinished fics/one-shots and complete them/edit the story/adapt our head-cannons/incorporate them into your own fics, please do. I think it'd be nice to inspire and help other fic writers, and see the ideas carried on in whatever way you guys choose. Everything on this account is effectively 'orphaned' already, so feel free to do whatever you want with it :).

This is getting long, but I also wanted to say thank you to everyone who sent in requests, funny comments, little anecdotes, and witty one-liners into our messages/asks, both that we did and didn't respond to, especially lately. We planned to do a great return to this blog after our exams responding to them all/clogging up your feeds. Someone even called us their 'favourite niche internet micro celebrity', and we both found it hilarious.

There's no gofundme or anything like that set up. Sometimes, things just don't go as we plan and there's nothing we can do. If I've learnt anything from this godawful situation, it's that you should do whatever you want as soon as possible. Don't wait to join that club. don't wait to take that trip, don't wait to watch that show, don't wait to visit friends or family, don't wait to begin doing a hobby that you think you'll love. Anything can happen, and the only time we know that we have for certain is now. (Master Uguay was right in Kung Fu Panda after all).

I won't be active for a while, but I'll check in to see how this post is doing now and again, and I'll probably post again just before I begin taking things down.

Thank you guys, and I hope you don't dwell on this post too long.

[ragdolls-and-such]

MP100 WONDERLAND AU!!!

I will probably never write a real fic for this, so I'm gonna explain the general plot and ideas and lore and stuff as a way to introduce each character. Or you can just not read and look at the designs instead

Ritsu is our Alice,

and Sho is the rabbit he chases after. Unlike the white rabbit, Sho isn't anxious - he's mischievous more than anything. While he IS trying to be on time to the Queen's croquet game at first, teasing Ritsu as he fails to catch up with him becomes his main priority.

Tome and Goda (do people in this fandom call him musashi or goda?? i have never seen anyone talk about him) are the first characters Ritsu meets. They play the roles of the mouse and the dodo from the book. After the whole pool of tears thing - I'm assuming you know the general story of Alice in Wonderland - Tome infodumps at everyone, much like the mouse does in the book. Goda is basically like "that's BORING we should EXERCISE the water off of us" and then the caucus race happens!!

The scene where Alice gets stuck in the Rabbit's house does happen but I have no character assigned to Bill so I didn't draw anyone for this.

Next stop is the caterpillar!! Played by Dimple. He's the ghost of a caterpillar that looked forward to becoming a butterfly, but died before reaching the chrysalis stage, and has since become a little crazed about the butterfly idea. He finds Ritsu kind of annoying but keeps talking to him because he enjoys the attention.

Mezato is the Cheshire cat! Psycho Helmet is not a thing in Wonderland so her time is more devoted to being mysterious and cryptic and taking photos of people and things. Plays the cheshire cat role pretty straight.

And now! The moment everyone's been waiting for! The three characters that people usually care the most about in aiw AND mp100.

Reigen started the hat business with his good pals Serizawa and Mob and then went a little bonkers. The Queen sentenced him and his coworkers/friends to eternal teatime for being annoying basically. (There IS lore there, but aiw is my special interest and i could talk about that forever.) He's still very Reigen-y but always a little on edge. Basically, think about Reigen's most high-energy yet pathetic little meow meow moments, it's just that.

Serizawa is just like - imagine you teleported Serizawa into the March Hare's place without warning and he just had to figure out what to do about it. That's not what happened, but that's basically how he behaves.

Mob is the dormouse, but like the book version of the dormouse, he gets his time in the spotlight. (anyone out there know about the three girls in the well?? no? just me?) Because this is Ritsu's dream, nobody needs to wonder whether mousemob is humanritsu's brother. Just don't worry about it

Finally, we have Teru as the Queen of Hearts. His personality definitely matches his pre/during-that-fight-with-mob self. Violent, self-absorbed fashion disaster. Sho, being his messenger, has a very "siblings who kind of hate each other" dynamic with this Teru, in my eyes.

That's it!! If anyone wants to write or draw a wonderland au based on this casting, that's totally fine because I in no way own the idea of a wonderland au. That's like, the most basic "what if this media was actually this other story?" au concept.

[spicyicetea]

Just my luck that I'd mention the poll saying one thing and it suddenly changing. I've decided that I'm going to go off of what the poll says as I'm writing chapter 1. Currently its caught between having no powers and being able to take peoples powers when they've been defeated. I'm going to go off of the idea that she can take powers from someone once they're dead, but the power is weakened. For example, she could take a dead mans stand but it would be nowhere near as strong as it was with the original user. I hope this makes all parties happy, yall still get your horny yanderes don't worry.

You were always ours

JJBA various!Yandere x reader

MDNI with this story it will contain NSFW themes and behaviour, you are responsible for the content you consume. TW!Blood/Mentions of Sexual assault/Y/N degrades herself due to past abusive relationship.

prologue/(Chapter 1)/Next part

With a groan and your head rocking against the cold stone beneath, you lifted yourself up. The left side of your head and hair were wet, having been soaking in the puddle you awoke in. Everying still hurts, head spinning in a nauseating way. What had just happened? Where were you? Your hands were covered in light scratches, stinging as your fingers flexed to gain your bearings. The last thing you remembered was… yes that thing grabbing you and your eye.

“Thank god you're awake! Y/N are you alright?” Eliana knelt beside you, cradling her own arm.

Blood ran down her fingers and dripped into the puddle, a rather large gash in her upper arm. In her other hand was a what looked like a letter opener, bloodied and chipped. Her hair was a knotted mess as she grabbed your face and tilted it left and right, inspecting the bruises from the harsh ground. She pause, starring at your eye with an odd intensity.

“Holy shit, no way, that looks the exact same as their birthmark. A star but not perfect, slightly warped… oh no… is that why we're here? Is this England?”

“Eliana, what are talking about-” She harshly turned your head to look at your reflection in the water, and as she stated, one of your pupils was now a strange looking star.

“So that wasn't a dream… I did see my eye right in our dorm. Wait does that mean that purple thing was real too?”

“Purple thing?”

“Yeah, there was this man who grabbed me from behind when i tried to help you after you passed out, but his body was purple…”

“No way… that was-”

“What are two little ladies like you doing out here in the middle of the night. Didn't think girlies like you were prostitutes.”

A man grabbed a fistful of your hair, yanking you up to stand on the tips of your toes. You hissed in pain as he held your hair tightly, his other hand grabbing the neck of your shirt. His friend just stood behind Eliana grabbing her arms as she went to punch him.

“Woah there pretty girl, you'll get your turn once we're done with your friend here.” They laughed, fear shooting up your neck, feeling the bile rising in your throat.

“Get off of her you bastard,” Eliana thrashed, biting the mans arm.

Despite how much you wanted to scream and gouge this fuckers eyes out, you couldn't move. It had been a year since your ex had been chased off by Eliana, but it seemed he still haunted you. The echoes of his hands against your bruised skin, nails digging into you neck as he squeezed as hard as he could. Why? To punish you of course. You had spilt cola all down his shirt and you had to be taught a lesson. Always misbehaving, you couldn't do anything right. Maybe he's still watching you… maybe you deserved this. It was impossible to see with your vision obscured with tears, just letting yourself go limp as your legs became cold due to your trousers falling to your ankles. Just like him… you can just play dead and he'll get bored.

“What are you doing? That's no way to treat a lady!”

Your bare legs hit the ground as your ears rang, barely keeping you conscious. A pair of hands grabbed your shoulders as someone pulled you to your feet, helping fix your clothes. As the ringing stopped, new voices stood out from the general ambience, helping bring you out of your trance.

“Is she going to be alright? Poor thing, no true gentleman would even think of touching a woman like that. Such a fair maiden as well…”

“She'll be fine, it isn't the first time… sorry that's not my information to divulge…” Eliana said, her face coming into focus as she wiped tears from your cheeks with a handkerchief.

“Not the first? Blimey… good thing Jonathan and I got here when we did. Ah her eyes, hey are you feeling better?”

You looked over the three people in front of you, Eliana handing a handkerchief to a blue haired man. To his right was a blond man, the one who was just speaking, his eyes scanning over your face attentively. Swallowing down the feeling of anxiety as much as possible, you nodded and he smiled, turning to his friend to get his attention. His friend turned to you with a soft smile, handing you the handkerchief motioning to bellow your nose. You touch your upper lip and notice the small amount of blood stuck to it, you must have bitten your lip in the struggle.

“Ah thank you…” Your eyes scanned the cloth he had handed you, reading the name on it. “Jonathan Joestar. Thank you Jonathan, genuinely thank you so much.” Tears bubbled up in your eyes as you stepped forward, your shaky legs giving way as you face plant into his chest. He gasped before grabbing your shoulder, his other hand raising your head by your chin to make sure you hadn't hurt yourself. It was like the world went silent, his eyes staring into your own. His thumb rubbed over your bottom lip as his pupils dialated, head cocking to the side before he jolted back. His friend had put a hand on his shoulder, muttering something before he gasped and let you go.

“Ah yes! I have to return to father! Thanks for reminding me Speedwagon, you should accompany me! After my father is given his antidote I'm sure he'd let you stay with us, you wouldn't have to worry about nasty men like that anymore. I'd keep you safe.”

“I… I cant accept that Jonathan, you've already done enough.”

“Nonsense! I can't leave a defenceless woman like yourself in such a dangerous area!”

“He's right, these streets aren't safe for a sweet woman like yourself, I should know.” Speedwagon added, him and Jonathan sharing a strange look before nodding and turning back to you.

“I'm flattered, I really am but I cant leave my friend behind-”

“Then she can come to, come on then keep up we don't have time to waste!” Jonathan picked you up by your hips, holding you bridal style in his arms and he ran from the alley.

“HEY WAIT UP” Eliana yelled, running after him and Speedwagon.

“I said you had to keep up!” Jonathan yelled back, smiling down at you.

There was something about that smile, so sweet and consuming. He was so… warm. Maybe he was right… having somewhere warm to sleep would be nice. So warm…

While resting your head against his chest your eyes slipped closed, falling asleep against him. You couldn’t see the way he smiled down and squeezed you tighter, just making you mumble in your sleep.

“So what are you going to do with my friend while you’re confronting Dio huh?” Eliana said, catching up finally.

“Wow, you’re faster than you look. I’ll do what I have to… wait, how do you know about Dio.”

“We overheard you talking earlier, mentioning him poisoning your father.”

Jonathan gave her a suspicious look, before turning his head back to your sleeping form, running a hand through your hair, despite the knots and wet half. Eliana observed his motions and her face contorted in concern. This isn’t how Jonathan is meant to be acting, we shouldn’t throw off the plot too much… but Y/N she doesn’t know… is he glaring at me? Eliana snapped out of her thoughts as her eyes met Jonathan’s again, caught in a harsh glare. His gaze soon softened as he put on a smile but it was too late.

“I can carry Y/N, she’s my friend after all.”

“Oh don’t worry, she’s perfectly happy with me, what was you name again?”

“Eliana.”

“Well Eliana, we’re at my home, I’d appreciate it if you waited outside with Speedwagon while I tend to my father. Y/N is staying with me.”

“What, no what if Dio-“

“I’ll handle Dio, now stay here, it’s not safe for you.” Jonathan left to go inside as Speedwagon put a hand on Eliana’s shoulder, stopping her from following.

“So that’s your name darling… Y/N… how pretty. Hmm, Y/N Joestar.” His eyes widen as you shift in your sleep, clinging to his shirt as he tightens his grip on you. “Oh you’re so precious.”

“What have you got there Jonathan? Already moved on from the last wench, or is she some…” the man paused staring down at you. Jonathan shifted you to his side, placing your body down by the door.

“Dio… keep your evil eyes off of her. Now, we have business to discuss!”

[captainsophiestark]

History

Jack Thompson x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)

Fandom: Marvel

Summary: Jack's ex-fiance left New York and moved to LA to start fresh after she realized he would never see her as an equal. Now, however, their paths might be crossing again, and Jack Thompson's managed to have a lot of growth since the last time they saw each other.

Word Count: 5,152

Category: Angst, Fluff

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I hummed to myself as I steeped my tea, soft music floating through the kitchen. I'd finished eating my favorite dinner before now preparing to settle in for my favorite radio program. A calm, perfect evening after a long day. All torn to shreds by the ringing of a phone in my living room.

I closed my eyes and sighed, but left my tea on its own and moved to answer the phone. Hopefully, whatever this was could be dealt with quickly, and I wouldn't miss any of my radio program.

"Hello?" I asked, resting the phone in the crook between my shoulder and neck and reaching for a pad and pencil, just in case. I froze mid-reach when I heard the voice on the other end of the line.

"Hey, uh, this is Agent Daniel Sousa. With the SSR. I don't know if you remember me-"

"Of course I remember you, Daniel," I broke in. "What do you want?"

He hesitated, and I couldn't help feeling just a little bad. My tone had turned from friendly to harsh in a split second, and Daniel and I had always been friendly. But if he was calling, it must've had something to do with my ex, and I certainly didn't want anything to do with that.

I'd met Daniel through the course of dating Jack Thomspon, who I later learned was actually Agent Jack Thompson. I'd met him when I was young and in love with the idea of being swept off my feet by a tall, handsome man, and Jack had more than fit the bill. It wasn't until much later, after he'd proposed and come home from the war, that I'd realized I wanted so much more.

I wanted a partner. Someone to have my back and build me up, to support me through life the same way I supported them. Jack wanted a maid that he could also sleep with, a picture perfect housewife with no external life or ambitions of her own. So I'd left him.

Before that, though, we'd gotten far enough that I'd found out about the SSR, and met Daniel in the process. We were friendly, and had even been on our way to being friends before everything between Jack and I had fallen apart. Since then, however, we hadn't spoken.

"...I'm sorry to do this to you, but I need your help."

Daniel's voice brought me back to the present. I sighed, sparing a longing glance for the tea in my kitchen before plopping down in the seat next to the phone.

"I assume this is about Jack? Is he... alright?" I almost choked on the word, surprised to find I actually still cared about the answer. I gripped the phone a little tighter as Daniel responded.

"Yeah, he's fine. Look, it's a long story, but we don't have a lot of time. There are some very bad people putting the fate of the world at risk, and I'm working with another agent to try to stop them. We have a plan we're in the process of enacting, but... we need your help to make sure it goes off without a hitch."

"Who's the other agent, Daniel?"

"Agent Peggy Carter. She's one of the best we have."

I paused. I'd been fairly confident he was about to say Jack, and to have him say a female agent's name instead was a nice surprise.

"Okay... but aren't you in New York? I don't know if you remember, but I moved pretty far away after things ended between Jack and I."

"And landed in LA, right?"

"...Yes... How did you-?"

"It's not important right now, just... how quickly can you get downtown? To the parking lot behind the hotel hosting Calvin Chadwick's campaign event?"

"Daniel, I haven't even said yes yet! I haven't talked to you in years, and I honestly don't think I want to get involved in this."

"I wouldn't be calling you if it weren't important. Meaning end of the world important. Please."

I paused, letting out a long, heavy sigh. I could practically hear Daniel waiting impatiently on the other end of the line, but I ignored the pressure. Unfortunatley for me, I believed that he really wouldn't be calling me if it weren't an emergency. And I didn't want to leave the world out to dry just because I didn't want to see Jack.

Which, also unfortunately for me, I knew this would involve. Daniel had very carefully danced around the subject of my ex-fiance, and I knew that dodginess was intentional. One way or another, Jack would be involved. But damn it all, I wasn't willing to blow off Daniel's cry for help on behalf of the world just to avoid Jack.

"...Fine. Dammit, fine. I can be there in fifteen minutes. I'm on my way."

"Thank you, serio-"

I hung up on him, giving myself one moment to relax back in the chair with a heavy sigh before launching into motion. I'd just have to make myself a new cup of tea when I got home, and ask someone at work tomorrow what I missed on my radio program.

Just under fifteen minutes later, I pulled into the back parking lot of the hotel hosting the campaign event. Carefully, I stepped out of my car, on high alert for a certain blond SSR agent. I whirled around at the sound of a door flying open only to find Daniel Sousa climbing out of an undercover van. He looked basically the same as the last time I'd seen him, although he'd apparently traded in his sweater vests for a Hawaiian shirt and a blazer.

"Thanks for coming," he said, crossing the parking lot to meet me. I nodded, my gaze going to the woman behind him. Daniel noticed my attention shift, and nodded to her. "This is Agent Peggy Carter."

"Pleasure, I'm sure."

I nodded and took Peggy's offered hand for a shake, but didn't say anything else as I quickly brought my attention back to Daniel.

"Alright, Daniel, why am I here? Specifically, not just 'to help'. And where's Jack? Don't try to tell me he's not here, you wouldn't have been so dodgy and nervous on the phone if he weren't."

"Dodgy and nervous?" Daniel asked, sounding more than a little offended. I just raised an eyebrow at him, so he sighed. "Fine. Here's the thing... we actually need you to go in there and distract Jack."

I didn't respond right away. I just stared at Daniel, waiting for him to say 'suprise' or 'gotchya' or some variation of the same thing. He just stared back, grimacing slightly. I finally came to the conclusion that he was being serious.

"I'll... pop back into the van and make sure Dottie and Mr. Jarvis are alright," Peggy said much too casually as she backed away from us. I never took my eyes off Daniel, my stare cooling considerably from when I'd first arrived.

"Daniel. Do you want to explain to me what's happening here, please? And why you need to distract a fellow agent, and especially why you think this is something you ought to be involving me in?"

Daniel sighed and ran a hand through his hair, then shifted slightly closer to me. He lowered his voice, then spoke again.

"Look, here's the thing. You should know Jack's had some growth since you left. He's changed enough that I can actually stand to work with him, and I might still say I want to kill him, but I probably wouldn't follow through if I got the chance anymore. But recently, he's got his head up his ass again."

I snorted. "I really hope this is not going to involve you asking me to talk to him or get him to come around or whatever."

"Not quite. Recently, he's decided to take the side of some pretty bad people, although I don't think he realizes just how bad. A few of those people are in that event tonight, and we have operatives inside who need to get something from one of them. But Jack's in there, too. And he'll recognize our operatives if he's aware enough to see them, and since he doesn't seem to know better, he'll stop them. We can't let that happen. Which is where you come in."

I stared at Daniel again, then after a moment, started shaking my head. I was frankly a little speechless, which gave Daniel an opportunity to keep talking before I could get a cohearant thought together.

"Look, I know this won't be easy for you. I know it's unfair of me to ask, to call you out of nowhere. And I know the only reason you showed up at all is because we used to be friends. But please, please do this. I promise it's important, and if it weren't this important, I never would've asked. I... I've been out in LA for a while now, and I thought about touching base, but I figured you'd want your space, since I'm probably tied up with Jack in memories for you. But we need your help with this one."

I shook my head, holding up a hand to stop Daniel's pitch.

"Alright. I came all the way down here, and because it's you asking and I know that means this thing you're involved in is actually, seriously important... I'll still help. But then you are not going to speak to me for at least a month, after dragging me into this mess to manipulate my ex-fiance, and then we're going to go to lunch. And you're paying, because it's ridiculous that you've been out here this long and haven't talked to me, noble intentions or not."

Daniel huffed a laugh, the corner of his mouth quirking up in a smile. "It's a deal. Promise."

"Great. So... where exactly am I going to do your dirty work?"

"Just in there," said Daniel, gesturing for a set of doors at the back of the hotel. I nodded and turned to face the doors in question, intending to head in. But for some reason, I couldn't make myself start moving. "Uh... you alright?"

I cleared my throat and nodded, although I knew I wasn't convincing either of us.

"Yes, yeah, I'm... I'm fine. Just gonna... go in there. And see Jack. For the first time in a few years."

"Hey." Daniel shifted closer to me, resting one hand on my shoulder and lowering his voice. I huffed and closed my eyes, but didn't pull away. "Look, I'm sorry to put you in this position... if you really don't think you can do it-"

"No. We're not going down that path. I know you wouldn't have asked me if it weren't a legitimate emergency, so I can't afford to think about an out. Just... maybe you could give me a push?"

I didn't turn to face Daniel, but even out of the corner of my eye I perfectly caught the judgey, raised-eyebrow look he gave me.

"Are you serious?"

"Daniel, I am about to go in there and distract my ex-fiance. I am dead serious."

"...Alright. You ready then?"

"No, I'm not! That's the whole point of requiring a push!"

"Okay, okay! Geeze."

A moment later, I felt Daniel's hand on my shoulder, gently moving me in the direction of the ballroom. It had nowhere near the amount of force I'd been hoping for, but the thought at least was enough to get me moving.

I crossed the parking lot at a steady pace, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. I pushed open the door to the ballroom without letting myself hesitate, striding through without looking back. I tried to ignore the sound of it slamming shut behind me as I strode confidently into the room, head held high despite the warring storm of emotions swirling in my gut. It took every ounce of strength I had to walk into that ballroom, but somehow I managed it.

And then I saw him.

I wasn't sure what I'd been expecting, but the moment I saw Jack, my heart stopped in my chest and my knees threatened to give out. So much history stood between us, and even though we'd ended on fairly bad terms and I knew I'd made the right decision, my heart still couldn't completely ignore everything we'd been through. Everything he'd meant to me.

I took a deep, shaky breath. Apparently, a lot of the world was counting on me keeping Jack from interfering in whatever Daniel had going on tonight. I'd agreed to come in here, and now I couldn't afford to fall apart.

I squared my shoulders, then strode across the ballroom, past dancing couples and schmoozing politicians. Everything faded away the closer I got to Jack, until I was standing next to him, just out of his peripheral vision, and we were the only two people in the world.

I reached out a hand to tap Jack on the shoulder, and time nearly stood still. He turned towards me in slow motion, and I watched his face go from one slightly raised eyebrow to wide-eyed, gut-punched shock. The moment our eyes met seemed to stretch for years, until Jack finally broke it, saying my name in a breathy voice that shouldn't have been audible over the sounds in the rest of the ballroom. Surprisingly, I didn't have to fake the slight smile pulling at the corner of my mouth.

"Hey, Jack," I breathed. He blinked at me a few times, maybe expecting me to disappear like some hallucination. When I didn't, he managed to find his voice again.

"Wh... what are you doing here?"

"I feel like I could ask you the same question," I said, voice soft. Speaking anywhere near normal force or volume felt like it would shatter something about the peace of the moment, or bring our problems back to the forefront of our minds. "I thought you were still in New York."

"I was. Am. Still in New York, that is. I, uh... they made me Chief."

My eyebrows shot up. Daniel hadn't bothered to mention that.

"Wow. Well... congratulations. When did that happen?"

"A little over a year ago," he said, shrugging his shoulders and glancing away like it was nothing. I knew him much too well for it to fool, me, though. He was beyond proud, and he wanted me to be impressed.

"That's great, Jack," I said, not entirely sure whether I meant it. "So is that what brings you out here?"

"Something like that," he huffed. He shook his head, staring off at the wall of the bar, apparently snapping out of the moment we'd found ourselves in with something else hovering over his head. It didn't bother me to be a part of that something, although maybe it should have.

"I take it this is more of that highly-classified, highly 'over my head' stuff you always refused to talk to me about?"

Jack's eyes slid back to mine, looking genuinely sad in a way I hadn't expected. Honestly, I'd been expecting to spark some anger. Instead, he looked like I'd just punched him in the stomach.

"I... wasn't great at communicating with you back then, was I?"

I snorted. "That's an understatement."

Jack sighed and took a sip of his drink, nodding slowly.

"Yeah. Yeah, it probably is. Look, I don't know why you're here right now, but..." He cut himself off abruptly, glancing away from me again with a shake of his head. I raised an eyebrow, just waiting for him to work up the courage to say what he wanted to say. The longer he took, the easier it was for me to help Daniel with whatever this was, anyway. Jack took a deep breath, shot the rest of his drink, and set the glass down on the bar before looking at me again. "I was gonna look you up, while I was out here. I've been putting it off, because, well, I wasn't sure you'd want to see me. But... since you're here now...?"

I started shaking my head. I couldn't help it. Jack, apparently undeterred, stepped forward and took my hands in his. I wished I could say helping Daniel was the only reason I let him.

"You hate me. I get it, alright? But I'm not the same man I was the last time I saw you."

"Oh really, Jack? Then what kind of man are you now?" I asked, unable to stop myself. "What are you doing here, schmoozing at some party with a bunch of shady guys in suits? How different is that to the last time I saw you?"

"Very different! Listen, I get it now. I understand what you wanted from me, and I understand why you left. You wanted respect, and I... I wasn't willing to give that to you."

I frowned, scanning Jack's face for any hint of inscenserity or rehearsed speech. All I found was an honest, open expression staring back at me, my ex-fiance looking more open and interested in talking about the hard stuff than he'd been once in the time we were together.

"But sweetheart," he continued, after a brief pause to let his words sink in. I met his gorgeous blue eyes that I'd fallen in love with so long ago, and a hand clenched around my heart. "I get it now. And... I want a shot at giving you that respect, knowing what I know now. Being who I am now."

I huffed a disbelieving laugh, shaking my head as I broke Jack's intense stare.

"Jack... are you kidding me right now?"

"Not even a little bit." He squeezed my hands lightly, stepping even closer to me. The hand around my heart dug its claws in. "I... I love you. I never stopped loving you. If you give me a second chance... I promise, I won't screw this one up."

A choked sob forced its way out of my mouth as the room started spinning under me. I pulled my hands away from Jack, shaking my head fervently as I did.

"I... You can't... I can't think about this right now. After everything you can't just..." I huffed, shaking my head again and moving out of the way as Jack reached for my hands again.

"Baby-"

I turned on my heel and ran before he got another word out. Hopefully, that was good enough for Daniel and his friends. One way or another it would have to be. I couldn't stay there for another second, and it was starting to feel like it'd been a mistake to come in the first place.

I'd been expecting some slightly charged conversation, maybe even some arguing. Breaking off an engagement wasn't usually amiable, and our situation had been no exception. I hadn't been expecting to see real pain on his face, or real regret, or real love still lingering there. And I definitely hadn't expected to feel the faintest hint of the same emotions in my own chest.

Whatever the hell that meant, I couldn't face it right now. Not when I was standing in that ballroom in the first place to trick and lie to the man giving me the apology I'd wanted for years before finally excepting I'd never get it. The guilt started creeping in like a knife to the heart, another thing I hadn't been expecting.

I didn't check to see if Jack was following me as I headed straight for the parking lot, back out the door I'd come in. A thousand different emotions and thoughts screamed through my head, and the only thing that seemed clear was that I needed to get as far away as possible from here, now.

"Hey!"

I don't know why I hadn't been expecting to run into Daniel, but I'd barely gotten a breath of the cool night air in before he called out to me, moving quickly from the back of their undercover van to where I'd parked my car.

"Hey! Are you okay? We didn't mic you up, but one of our agents inside said they saw you running out-"

"This was a bad idea, Daniel," I said, shaking my head and pausing to talk only because Daniel was in the way of the driver's door of my car. "I shouldn't have agreed to this. I didn't... I don't know what I expected. The same asshole I broke up with, I guess. An argument. Not... not what I got."

I moved to push past him, but he put a hand on my shoulder to stop me in my tracks. His eyebrows knit together as he scanned me up and down, concern radiating from him in waves.

"What happened in there? Are you okay?"

I shook my head. "It was a mistake to get in the middle of this, with you and him. He said some stuff... I don't know. I don't know, okay? This was stupid, I should've just stayed home. I need to go home, Daniel. So please, get out of my way."

Daniel hesitated again, looking me over, this time with a more critical eye. I huffed.

"I promise I'm not hurt, and that I'm fine to drive, alright? I just... I need to get out of here."

After another second, Daniel finally nodded and stepped out of my way. I didn't bother sparing him another glance as I got into my car and pulled away, putting as much distance as possible between me and Jack and everything to do with that ballroom.

When I got home, I replayed the conversation I'd had with Jack over and over again in my head, on an endless loop. I didn't hear another word from Daniel, or from Jack, which I tried to convince myself was for the best. When the radio silence stretched on for days, however, my arguments to myself became less and less convincing, and every additional day of silence was another day to overthink myself into a frenzy. Had something gone wrong with whatever world-ending threat they were dealing with? Did something bad happen to one or both of the SSR boys? Or was there some other reason the SSR agents continued to give me space?

By the end of the week, I'd just about decided to go track down Jack or Daniel or maybe Peggy, although I'd only met her in passing, myself. Finding a secret agency probably wouldn't be easy, but I'd been reeling and replaying everything in my mind for days, and I couldn't go back to pretending none of them had ever been part of my life again. I'd just started flipping through a phone book over my morning coffee, looking for any businesses that looked like feasible fronts for the SSR, when someone rang my doorbell.

I sighed, marking my spot in the phone book before standing and moving to the door, my cup of coffee in-hand. I almost dropped my favorite mug when I opened the door to find Jack standing on my doorstep in a nice suit, holding a bouquet of roses.

"Before you say anything, Sousa's the one who gave me your address. So if you didn't want to see me... blame him."

I couldn't hold back a laugh, at least half the weight on my chest lifting off with the knowledge that Jack and Daniel were both okay. I bit my lip, trying to keep control of myself, as I looked Jack over.

"I... I'm really glad you're okay," I finally sighed. "When I didn't hear from you for a while, I got a little worried..."

"We had... some stuff to deal with. But it's dealt with now. I'd love to come in and tell you about it... if you'd be willing to have some company for breakfast."

My eyes shot up to Jack's. He tried to look calm and collected, but I could see the way his hands fidgeted around the stems of the flowers, and the way his eyes searched my face for any sign of an answer in either direction. I sighed.

"Listen, Jack... I don't know..."

"Alright, look. I'm technically supposed to be leaving for the airport to catch a plane back to New York in about half an hour. But I also got Sousa to agree to let me stay with him for a while, if... if I need to stay in LA for a bit longer, for whatever reason. But if you don't want me here, if it's too little too late for you..." He clenched his jaw, swallowing hard and steeling himself before continuing. "Then I'll head to the airport and get out of your hair. And I won't bother you again."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, looking down and shaking my head to try to clear it. I'd sworn to myself when I moved out here that I wouldn't let Jack Thompson back into my life. I'd been confident it was for the best. But he really did seem different than he had the last time I'd seen him. And I couldn't ignore the way my heart still skipped a beat when I looked at him, or how badly I wanted to believe what he'd told me in the ballroom.

Finally, I looked back up at Jack. I met his ice blue eyes, the same ones I'd been staring into since we were basically kids, before he'd served in Japan and a thousand other things in our lives had changed. And I knew I couldn't send him away without at least hearing him out. I knew it might mean I got hurt again, badly, but I also knew the regret of never knowing for sure would eat me alive for the rest of my life.

"Jack... there's something you should know first."

"And that is?"

"It wasn't fate that brought me to the ballroom, or whatever else you thought it was. I... was actually there because Daniel called me to ask for my help."

Jack sighed. "I know. He and Carter told me. They seemed to have a guilty conscience about it. But I'll tell you what I told them: I don't care. It brought you back into my life, so... I'll take it."

The corner of my mouth tugged up again, and I tried not to let the excitement take over too much as Jack leaned a little forward.

"So... does that mean I can come in?"

I bit my lip again in a failed half-attempt to stop the smile rapidly spreading across my face. Finally, I let it win, and gave Jack a nod.

"Oh, thank god," he sighed, sagging and flopping over the doorframe, the flowers falling to his side for a moment until he looked back up at me. "You really had me thinking I was gonna have to race to make my plane for a minute there, sweetheart."

I laughed and shook my head, taking the flowers from Jack as I motioned for him to come inside. I shut the door behind him, then turned to lead him from the entryway into the kitchen.

"So... do you want some coffee?" I asked, moving to the pot before Jack answered. I knew he did.

"That'd be great." He paused, and I heard him sit at the table himself me as I added sugar and milk the way I knew he liked (although he'd never ask anybody else to add it in). "This place looks great."

"Thanks. It's been a labor of love, for sure. I learned how to fix just about everything in here that could break, since it started out that way."

I shot Jack a little smile as I sat down at the table across from him, sliding his coffee over. The statement was a test, and whether or not he knew it, he smiled back.

"If only you'd known all that stuff when we were in our old place. Maybe you could've saved me from breaking the sink beyond repair."

"If I remember right, I did try to help with that. And you told me to let you handle it while I made something nice for dinner."

Jack grimaced, taking a sip of his coffee. "Yeah. I do remember that. And... I'm sorry. I was an idiot back then. I wish I'd known then what I do now."

I nodded thoughtfully. He seemed sincere, which truly might've been a miracle-level personal shift. I still tried to keep my hopes from running wild, but it was getting harder by the minute.

"Thanks for the coffee, by the way," he continued. "I haven't had anything this good since... well, in a long time."

I gave him a rueful smile as he bailed out of "since you left". I sighed, taking a sip of my own coffee before looking at Jack again.

"So... why don't you tell me about all this stuff that kept you from visiting earlier? When I talked to Daniel, he said it was end of the world-level."

Jack nodded, running his hand through his hair. "I mean, it sure wasn't good. Might've been one of the worse things we've had to deal with. You're gonna like this though, since we saved the day. One of my best agents who helped solve all this stuff is a woman. Peggy Carter, she said she met you?"

"Only briefly," I said, smiling into my coffee. "She seemed pretty cool."

"She's damn good at her job. And so were you, by the way. You covered for her and Sousa perfectly when you showed up at that fundraiser. It took one of the people you were covering for walking straight into my path for me to realize something was up, and even then I didn't suspect you. Masterclass."

I huffed a laugh, but my smile grew so big I couldn't hide it behind my coffee mug anymore. Jack smiled back.

"Alright, so, this is kind of a long story. Especially if I start from the beginning."

"I want to hear all of it," I decided. "If you're up for it... including the stuff that came before this mission. I want to know about what you've been up to since... since I left."

Jack nodded, a hopeful smile pulling its way onto his own face. I could see him wrestling with himself to keep his cool, and I was happy to see him losing.

"Deal. As long as you promise to tell me everything you've been up to once I'm done."

"Sounds like we have a wonderful plan for the morning," I replied. Jack absolutely beamed back at me.

"I've never been happier to miss a flight in my life."

I laughed, and for a moment, I got a glimmer of the parts of my life with Jack that had made me stay for so long. His humor, and all the good in him that he worked to hide, but now, without the layer of separation that came from him not seeing me as an equal.

It had barely been ten minutes total of time spent with this slightly older, slightly different Jack Thompson. By far too early to say anything difinitively. But that little seed of hope in my chest had bloomed into a full bouquet since I'd opened my door this morning, and I couldn't help feeling that this time, things actually were different. Jack was different. And this time, maybe things would work.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen

Marvel Taglist: @valkyriepirate @infinetlyforgotten @sagesmells @gaychaosgremlin

[jeonride]

— BLINDING LIGHTS ☆

an ateez maknae line series ·˚

— ever had the feeling like you want to have a rockstar boyfriend? at least, once in your lifetime? because why not? rockstars are rich, have a lot of cars parked inside the garage, luxurious condominium, and so on. but well yeah, they are scandalous. so if you're searching for a scandalous romance story that also heart-breaking, you might take a look of this series !

— JOIN THE TAGLIST HERE ! or simply just leave comment/ask/send me dm ! the 1st story will be released soon ! (in order)

FEATURING : ateez maknae line x afab!reader

STATUS : on going !

GENRE : illicit affair, angst, crime, romance, slight fluff (pls do not expect a lovey dovey story), rockstar au, friends with benefits to lovers (mingi), enemies to lovers (wooyoung), exes to fuck buddies (san), strangers to fuck buddies (jongho).

WARNINGS : SMUT, EACH CHAPTER HAS ITS OWN WARNINGS SO PLEASE READ THOROUGHLY BEFORE YOU READ !

— ELEVATOR DEAL ☆

ft. bassist!san x afab!reader

SYNOPSIS: you and san had broke up two years ago, yet you guys met again at the hotel you used to go with him whenever he had concerts back then. you were celebrating your friend's birthday party, half-drunk, and unfortunately bumped to your ex's chest in the elevator and san were surprised too seeing you had changed a lot. that was when the deceptive deal began between you and san- inside the elevator, where no one was watching what you've done with him.

"you know what? you're way more attractive when you're angry. i liked you right after our first fight, back then."

CLICK TO READ ! not yet !

— HEART LIKE YOURS ☆

ft. drummer!mingi x afab!reader

SYNOPSIS: mingi had always been in love with you, even though he knew, both of you were just "friends with benefits". but he swore, his feelings toward you were so fucking real. he hated to see you around with your boyfriend, hated that you prefer be with your abusive boyfriend to be with him. and one day, he got chance to show how much he loved you, with his own way.

"heart like yours should've been love someone like me."

CLICK TO READ ! not yet !

— LOVE WAS NOT LOST ☆

ft. guitarist!wooyoung x afab!reader

SYNOPSIS: jung wooyoung, was your campus crush who said that you weren't even pretty, you weren't even his type- when you confessed your feelings toward him on valentine's day. well, the wounds already healed though, it happened three years ago and you haven't seen him again after graduated. but still, you can feel the little sting everytime you remember his words. so you really had no idea when he came to your apartment, all sweaty because he just performed and ran to you.

"why didn't you tell me that you're back to this town?"

well, why he wanted to know?

CLICK TO READ ! not yet !

— OUT OF LUCK ☆

ft. guitarist vocalist!jongho x afab!reader

SYNOPSIS: you weren't think more further when you applied to be a maid at jongho's mansion. all you knew that this man was rich rich, and you need a lot of money. so when it was time for you to work, you came with the sweetest smile on your face, bowed politely and said that you will do anything that he needed.

"anything? even when i ask you to be on my bed?"

CLICK TO READ ! not yet!

© jeonride 2023. please do not copy, translate, plagiarize, or repost any of my writing anywhere! pretty divider by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more <3

you can find more of my fics here!

[teaspoonnebula]

VALL Chapter 1 - The Warning

So as a recap - yes I run this substack. No, I haven't read this novel. I'm really looking forwards to getting to experience new (to me) canonical Sherlock Holmes for the very last time in my life... and I'm going to write a bunch about it, so hold on tight.

“I am inclined to think—” said I. “I should do so,” Sherlock Holmes remarked impatiently. I believe that I am one of the most long-suffering of mortals; but I'll admit that I was annoyed at the sardonic interruption.

LOL I love how we jump right into Holmes and Watson banter. Watson's understated "“you are a little trying at times" reminds me of his reaction to Holmes shooting holes in the walls at Baker Street being "I felt strongly that neither the atmosphere nor the appearance of our room was improved by it."

Of course we don't get any indication of the tone in which he says these things, but I think we can guess Watson is countering with a little acerbic wit of his own.

So, Holmes has received a letter from a mysterious figure known as 'Porlock'

Picture to yourself the pilot fish with the shark, the jackal with the lion—anything that is insignificant in companionship with what is formidable:

This idea of the pilot fish is a very cool metaphor. Unfortunately it is entirely ruined for me because it was also used in the Christmas Invasion episode of Doctor Who to describe these things and that's always where my brain is going to go:

Porlock is one of Moriarty's henchmen or representatives! Which makes me interested in the fact that I've never come across this character in pastiches or adaptations or fanfic - why not?

(Also it makes no sense for Watson to know all about Moriarty but that's a Continuity Thing and we all know Arthur Conan Doyle didn't let that sort of thing get in the way of telling his story - more power to him, honestly.)

“You are developing a certain unexpected vein of pawky humour, Watson, against which I must learn to guard myself.

I JUST SAID THAT, HOLMES.

“May I be there to see!” I exclaimed devoutly.

Well THAT is a sucker punch of a line. No, Watson, you won't be there to see, I'm afraid. See, there will be this Swiss boy... anyway, we're getting off track.

Turns out Porlock is a bit of a mole (I wouldn't quite go so far as to say 'double agent'), and has been giving Holmes information provided he is paid enough. This includes a secret cipher which relates to a particular book, which Holmes assumes will arrive in the second post.

GUTTED I didn't read this book when I was 11, I loved ciphers and would have lapped this up.

“Your native shrewdness, my dear Watson, that innate cunning which is the delight of your friends...

"your friends" Lol Holmes just say "Me" we know that's what you mean - and gosh, he's being so sarcastic with Watson!

Billy the page shows up with the second post and readers, I CHEERED at Billy. Does he say anything? No. But BILLY!!! Alas the letter from Porlock says that he just had an unpleasant encounter with Moriarty (with an envelope addressed to 221b in his possession, whoops!) and so so he won't be sending along the key to the cypher.

I love that Holmes' reaction to this isn't frustration at not getting his cypher, but worry for Fred Porlock, and hope that Moriarty doesn't actually suspect him. THIS is why I love Canon Holmes - I think he is fundamentally kind...

“Perhaps there are points which have escaped your Machiavellian intellect.

Holmes points out that they might be able to work out which book is required for the cypher, and guides Watson through his deductive process - which is adorable. And I loved following along with it too - with my knowledge of Victorian ephemera I was hoping it was going to be a Bradshaw, but as Holmes notes to both Watson and me, the range of vocabulary needs to be broader!

It's a Whitaker's Almanac! But not the new edition - the old one. This is a fun little reversal which gives us a moment of Holmes thinking he's 'failed'.

The message suggests that someone called Douglas who lives at Birlstone House, Birlstone, is in danger.

(Clearly this is a totally different house to Hurlstone, from Musgrave Ritual....)

After deciphering the message, Holmes and Watson get a visit from an Inspector MacDonald. I was a little sorry this isn't one of the familiar Yarders (Hopkins, my beloved...) but I'm going to be interested to get to know him. Alas, Holmes is too late to save Douglas - he has already been murdered.

***

So, uh, I'm having the time of my life reading this, honestly. It's such incredibly good fun. I'm intrigued that whatever has happened to Douglas must somehow be linked to Moriarty.

There's a lot of banter about Watson's intellect which I feel should frustrate me more, a lot of the dialogue feels like it's bordering on being quite patronising to Watson, but I think his reactions suggest this is comfortable back and forth done from a place of security in each other.

[trainsinanime]

Your favorite fanfic writer doesn't know (but would like to)

Let's talk about comments on fanfics. This is not meant as a guide or call to action, just a bit of observations. Personally, I always saw it as impolite to ask for reviews or kudos or comments or likes or reblogs or whatever. That's not a rational point of view, it just reflects how I am. And people actually telling others that they have to leave any of this feedback? I've blocked folks over that. In my mind that's not okay. I'm not announcing a change of that, this is not a policy, just some deep-seated mental issues, but I want to write down some more things that have been going through my mind, from the perspective of someone who occasionally writes fanfics. My previous suggestion in this regard was mostly to write some fanfic yourself and see what happens and what you'd like to happen, because it's genuinely fun and I think you probably have more to say than you realise.

But there's also another point here, and that is that your favourite fanfic writer has no idea that they are. If you're anything like me, then it will seem like the great writers in your fandom are obvious. Also, the last time you bought Blåhajs, it ended with you having to flee a smoke-filled subway tunnel. The great stories and great writers in your universe are facts of nature. You read a story and you think, "this is the greatest thing I've ever seen." A story rewires your brain chemistry forever. You keep coming back and reading that one fic whenever the mood hits you. It feels obvious that this story is great. How could it not be?

It feels trite to say that the author of that fic doesn't know that unless you tell them, but it's hard to really understand the feeling unless you've been there yourself. You write a story, but is it any good? Maybe you get a lot of kudos, or maybe very little, but what does either of that mean? Kudos can mean literally anything from "loved this" to "didn't close the tab in disgust". Maybe you just got unlucky. Maybe you just got lucky. What do these numbers mean? What is a good number of kudos? 1? 10? 100? 1000? Should I calculate ratios? How do I know whether people like this?

In light of this, a comment where someone just said, "I loved this", has an almost incalculable worth. A comment where someone says they read this over and over again, or quotes lines they loved, or something? You can't imagine how valuable that is. A while ago someone told me "a couple of us are talking about this on Discord, we love it and we keep repeating our favorite lines". I thanked them, but I was too polite to say, "really? What are they saying? Which are your favorite lines? How many people are there who love it? What are their names? Which lines are the favorite ones, please, tell me!". Part of me still regrets that, because I so desperately want to know! I don't think it was a public Discord and I never heard from the others on it, but just the idea that they're out there and they like my story was so powerful. (By the way, it's not on any account that's linked from here, please don't try to find that comment.)

Now, I firmly believe that you, as a reader, don't have to care about any of that. I know there are people who disagree with me on this point, very strongly in fact, but I don't think it's necessarily your job to care. It's great if you do, and I think a lot of you do in fact care, that's why I'm writing this. But if you haven't thought about that or don't feel comfortable leaving comments or whatever, that's fine, that's normal, and you are in fact part of the majority. Any well-adjusted fic author has found ways to deal with this. They have learned to love writing for its own sake, or they love re-reading their own fics, or they have a couple of trusted friends who like their work, or ideally all three. Personally I was scared of Discord for the longest time, but it really helps with that. One person who you sort of know going "hey that's neat" can outweigh just about anything else. (Still, there will be days when you post something and you won't get a response and that just plain sucks, no two ways about it.)

But if you do care, if you think it's important that a fanfic writer knows what they mean to you, not because of any concern about the wider unpaid fan creator economy but just because of the way their work affected you, then this is important. Your favorite fanfic writer probably doesn't know and/or believe that they're anyone's favorite, and even if they do, a reminder or learning that someone knew found them will make them incredibly happy. And obviously, all of that applies at least just as much to all the beginners with potential that are out there. So if you're wondering whether it's worth it leaving a comment that says how much you enjoyed something: It probably is. And if you shared this with others and they loved it, or if this is your favourite fic, or if you enjoy how original it is, or how well it does your favourite tropes, or anything like that, the writer is going to be so happy to hear that.

A final aside: This obviously applies even more when it's about fandoms, pairings, subject matter and in particular ratings that are considered a bit embarrassing. Writers who write stuff that, say, happens to be E-rated for whatever reason, doesn't matter, will probably get fewer kudos and comments just because people are embarrassed to have their names show up in the Kudos and Comment sections. If that's you, just a note that it is perfectly okay to comment anonymously, or to create a second separate account for leaving kudos on, commenting on and maybe even posting the somewhat more risqué stuff. Now I'm not saying I have one of these second accounts, at least I'm not saying that in public, but it is an option worth considering.

[kimberlyannharts]

At this point Power Rangers has done a few crossover comics, and they've all been some pretty logical and big name choices - the Justice League, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Godzilla. So today's crossover comic is one that definitely took people by surprise - Usagi Yojimbo, the long-running story of a wandering rōnin having adventures in feudal Japan (who also happens to be a bunny rabbit), written and illustrated by Stan Sakai since 1984. While an icon in his own right - funnily enough, he's a regular guest in TMNT properties - I don't think ANYONE really had HIM in mind as a contender for a crossover with Power Rangers compared to more conventional properties like Transformers or even My Little Pony.

After all, what do they know about samurai in Power Rangers?

It's Mighty Morphin Power Rangers/Usagi Yojimbo!

= So I know I've gone on and on about Shawn Daley's art but I really just need you to look at them again. It just makes me so happy to see a more stylized take on the MMPRs - basically if you took Daniele di Nicuolo's art and ramped up the anime influence by 100. It gives the book that much extra charm

= who the hell is THIS I'm here for the FURRIES not another random boring human!!!!!! it's like I'm playing Animal Crossing

= Jason's attitude in this book annoys me but at the same time it wouldn't be a Ryan book if he wasn't writing Jason in a way that annoys me.

= (also, they knew about the Morphin Masters this early in their Ranger career? I guess Zordon did mention them in an early episode, but.........what have they done that's similar to this that Jason would know about kjkjdkf

= I still think it's very weird that they didn't give the whole "maybe it would be easier if I was fighting alone" to uh.....you know.....Tommy, the loner? Who's so used to fighting alone that he struggled to adjust to a team? But I guess he has a girlfriend and Jason doesn't so.

= Is this a safe space. because the rabbit is pretty hot.

= HAHAHAAAA TOKEN EVIL HUMAN I KNEW IT

= YFIP: THE MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS - assisting the villain, thievery of a powerful artifact, assault against civilians, racism against furries

= Like I've said before Jason's characterization here irritates me a bit but I'll give the book props that someone's actually allowed to call him out on it for once. Like man I wish Tommy in the main series was allowed to tell Jason to shut up once in a while like Usagi does here

= Kim: Tommy, it's 4 pm! Time to go help our friends!

Tommy: yes honey

= Wow, look at these guys! They're like......Shogun Rangers! ............wait a minute

= But seriously, though, I gotta say these are one of the best alternate MMPR designs we've gotten in ages - I LOVE how they apply all of MMPR's little details into each individual user. And the altered weapons are awesome, too. Between these and the Kaiju Rangers we've really been cooking with the alternate forms lately

= And as I said, they did manage to resist the urge to give Usagi a Ranger form. I did like my old "maybe he'll find a Samuraizer" idea, though

= They both nearly died via crystal explosion a few hours ago but all they care about is their cool new outfits, just otp things <3

= I was about to say "well yeah, duh, that's why the Dragonzord doesn't have wings" but then I remembered. oh yeah. technically the Zords aren't Japanese in origin in-universe, are they

= It's nice to see Dragonzord Battle Mode! That was a form that didn't get a lot of spotlight in the comics - I think the only time we really saw it in the main series was Shattered Grid, and not for very long before it got destroyed by Serpentera

= Kim and Usagi only get one real onscreen exchange but she also catches him in the Pterodactyl and they have matching bangs. I'll take this as a win, though Splinter is still her #1 rodent dad

= they are so fucking sad

= I think future books should bring Usagi back or just crossover with him again with no explanation. Make people think he's a PR character just like how people assume he's a TMNT character

[orshii]

bitter and sweet

Author: orshii

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x female reader

Warnings: Use of word "fuck", smoking, alcohol consumption

Word count: 2k

Summary: When you finally quit your job, you need a distraction. Hongjoong happens to be that.

A/N: Am- hi? This is totally new to me, and I would've never uploaded this story, if it weren't for my bestie @bvidzsoo (ly). She kept saying, how good this story was, so Ig I'm here? I really hope you will enjoy it, as much as I did when I wrote this little drabble. Recently I am very whipped for Hongjoong, so yeah...I just had to write this. Anyways, have fun. xoxo orshii

After a whole month of living like a robot: starting work early in the morning, when the sun wasn't even up yet, until when it hid behind again the buildings of our little town; I slowly started to feel like I was losing my mind. The feeling was similar to when your days are just as monotone as the clock on your wall, never changing its course the opposite way. You become one with your regular human life, which is always clouded, always grey just like the clouds above you; there are no colors.

It started becoming overwhelming, I started getting tired of this feeling of emptiness; I felt the void spread through my body every single fucking day. That's when I decided to quit my job, which wasn't even my dream job. I have been working at a fucking bakery as a cashier, of course it wasn't my dream job, whose would it be…

It was a Friday when I quit, so, as I was an unemployed nobody, the best idea was to celebrate that, wasn’t it? My friends were excited to hear my sudden proposal of going to a party, which was held by the town’s biggest brat, Jung Wooyoung; but I didn't care, I needed to get laid as soon as possible. I just wanted an escape from this shit reality, and not to think about what was going to happen in the future now that I was without a job.

 We decided to dress up pretty and sexy for the night with the girls. I was wearing black ripped jeans with fishnets underneath, and a black crop top with some cuts on it here and there, accompanied with my black boots and some accessories.

As we arrived in front of the house of said brat, Wooyoung, we went inside deep into the crowd of swaying bodies, which were flowing with the music. The music was so loud that we couldn't even hear our own voice, the beat punching our chests harshly. The first thing we had to do was to drink, of course, so we headed to the kitchen. We could barely see the furniture inside the kitchen due to the smog filling the air, coming from the people smoking this and that. Finally, somehow we found our love, the meaning of our night:  alcohol. We started to take some tequilas shots, and anything else we found, honestly. We just wanted to get drunk. Me, at least.

Eventually, I somehow found myself around the swaying bodies in the living room, but my friends were nowhere to be found.

I started to dance following the flow of the music; I felt like I could finally breathe, my latest months were hard and I just needed to forget all of the shit that’s happened.

At some point, I felt like somebody was watching me, I don't know how, I’d call it perhaps intuition.

When my eyes finally found the owner of two staring lustful eyes, my breath hitched. I have never seen this man in my entire life before, but as I watched him, my heart just started to race like it never has. My heart didn't even race like this when a fucking bear started to chase me, and that’s no fun.

I felt dizzy, maybe because of the influence of the alcohol or I didn’t know, but the sudden emotions started hitting me like I was a fucking punch bag.

The man was sitting on the couch, he was a bit far, but I could see his devilish smile from where I stood. It’s not supposed to be a joke; but with the red lights of the party, he looked like the fucking devil himself. His raven-black hair fell on his forehead, reaching his eyes, making his glare even more intense as he held a can of beer, leaning over his knees.

I haven't moved since my eyes landed on him but somebody, suddenly, bumped into me, and if I remember the guy's name correctly, it’s San. But I was glad, because I somehow found myself back to reality again, as if the last few minutes were in slow-motion.

I tried not to look at the stranger again, since my friends finally found me and we started to dance together, laughing and goofing around. I would be lying if I said my eyes never searched for the stranger again as he had moved from the couch. I felt a bit disappointed that I might never see him again.

And there was a chance that I actually might see him, and after a while, I suddenly felt two warm hands around my waist. I don't know how, don't ask, but I just knew it was the stunning stranger guy from the couch, with whom I had a staring contest like half an hour ago.

We just weirdly danced to the music, feeling the rhythm as it led our bodies in synchrony. It was weird because he was a total stranger but, somehow, I felt safe in his warm arms. I slowly turned around to finally look at the owner of the warm hands, and I was fucking right. I felt like I was going to melt right then and there like ice cubes on a hot summer day.

Why? Because he was the hottest guy I have ever seen in my life, and I'm not joking, I would never joke about things like that. He looked ethereal, and I don't know what led him to me, but I thank God for it, because it was worth every moment. I looked into his eyes as he was glaring at me sharply. I couldn't read his expression, but I saw a small smirk slip onto his slim lips, so, I reached my arms around his neck. Yes, I felt comfortable like this, after all, he was still holding my waist.

“Hi.” I spoke suddenly. Don't even ask me why I had the courage to even say something to him. That night, my soul has left my body surely.

“Hey.” He said with a low tone, leaning close to my ear so I could hear him. I felt shivers running through my body.

“Wanna smoke?” I asked him with questioning eyes.

He smiled, “Yeah, of course.”

And then, he grabbed my hands and pulled me towards the backyard.

I looked back at my friends, but they were just laughing and shouted, “Go get him!”

It made me laugh as I followed the stranger.

As we finally arrived outside, I felt relieved. The weather was nice, I finally could hear my own voice and I got to inhale some fresh air.

We stopped at the terrace of the house, and I leaned my back against one of the pillars as the stranger across from me did the same thing.

We were quiet for a bit as I enjoyed the fresh air, and I felt him watching me. It wasn't an awkward quiet, it was a comfortable one. I stared back at him, taking in the sight of him as his outfit screamed elegance, but at the same time it was casual; he was wearing all black.

“Aren't you going to smoke?” He asked suddenly, breaking the quiet.

“Nah, I don't smoke.” I said with a serious face.

The stranger looked at me, his eyebrows scrunching together in confusion.

“Then why did you want to come out to—smoke?”

I just shrugged, “I just needed some fresh air, but to not disappoint you—” I started to search for something in my pocket, “I have this.”

I showed him the colorful elf bar, raising it up to his face.

He started to laugh loudly; it was low toned and the sound tingled through my whole body. I loved his laugh.

“Okay.” He nodded, “Then I’m going to smoke a real cigarette.”

He spoke while still smiling as he reached for his cigarettes in his pocket. Damn, he was actually smoking smoking; that’s a red flag, but I like it.

He slowly pulled out a cigarette from the package, and took it in between his parted thin lips, his gaze never leaving mine, only when he lit it up.

I decided to smoke the elf bar which was in my hands. It tasted like a tangle of freshly picked raspberries and blueberries from the wild fields, accompanied with the taste of dark red cherries. I loved the sweet taste as it slowly went down into my lungs, spreading the sweetness everywhere, and then, I exhaled it slowly out into the clear air.

The guy in front of me was staring at my lips as the sweet fog came out from my parted lips.

“Is it good?” He asked, gazing at me.

“It is. It’s sweet, unlike yours.” I said pointing at the cigarette in his hands.

He looked down at it.

“It's not that bad—wanna taste it?” He asked me frowning with a smirk on his lips.

And the look he was giving me sent me to Hell, just for me to return as Lucifer. That's why I was suddenly so bold, out of my mind.

“Do you want to taste this?” I pointed at my elf bar, avoiding his question on purpose.

“Yeah, why not?” He said, stepping closer to me.

I stared at him as an idea came to my mind.

“Wanna double shotgun?” I asked pointing at my elf bar and his cigarette, watching him with inviting eyes.

Just the idea of it was already so exciting, now imagine actually doing it…with a stranger, whom, despite having just met, it felt like I have known him my whole life.

“Hell, yes.” He said in a low tone, it was almost like a thunder. He stepped closer to me, our bodies almost touching, but it seemed like he didn't want to overstep some unsaid boundaries.

And so, I slowly inhaled from the elf bar, inhaling it deep down into my lungs as he did the same with his cigarette, burning the end of it with his inhale.

As we both were ready, we leaned into each other’s bodies, our lips almost touching. We exhaled the smoke at the same time as it tumbled through our parted lips, just to meet with the other's soft lips, inhaling the other's taste. I breathed him in, held it in my lungs, wanting to keep it there forever.

“It's so bitter.” I whispered still leaning close, slowly exhaling the smoke of his cigarette.

“It's so sweet.” He whispered back to me, leaning even closer in, gazing at me with dark eyes, which were telling me so much yet nothing at the same time.

“Wanna taste it on your sweet lips.” He said, reaching out his thumb to brush it against my lower lip.

“Then what are you waiting for?” I whispered against his bitter lips, closing my eyes slowly.

He slowly grabbed my chin and tilted it upwards, and then leaned in to brush his lips against mine. I could taste the bitterness of his cigarette on his lips, blending with the sweet taste of my own lips, which the elf bar has left behind.

Sweet and bitter collided, it was like our own two worlds colliding: he tasted bitter, but somehow, he brought some sweetness into my grey world, painting it slowly full with colors as he brushed his lips against mine.

“You haven’t told me your name.” I said after our lips separated from each other, desiring for more. I wanted to taste him forever.

“Hongjoong.” He whispered, our lips almost touching, “And what's your name, pretty?”

“Y/N” I said, and he smiled at me sweetly as our lips collided again, never wanting to separate.

He filled me up with passion. He made me want to finally step out of my monotone life. I felt like I was alive again. He made my grey life colorful again.

Later on, we were passed out in the back of his car…how’d we let it get this far, I don’t know.