#my friend is GAY AS A MOTHERFUCKER... AND SO WAS THEIR DAD

[unloneliest]

the problem of the matter is i did internalize so much of what ex friend believed about me. even though i knew he was wrong and knew what was happening and tried to stop it and if i took more action to stop it would have been abusing power i held in a way i couldn't live with myself for.

[violetspots-2007]

Part 2 to that Welcome Home Incorrect Quotes post I made, like, a year ago. Wow how productive of me.

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Poppy: Good morning.

Julie: Good morning.

Eddie: Good morning.

Barnaby: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Sally: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!

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Barnaby, holding in their laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it’s doing?

Frank: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.

Barnaby:

Barnaby: Water you doing?

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Julie, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.

Frank: Do you think other people can’t hear you?

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Wally: Good. Thanks, dad.

Poppy: You just called Eddie “dad”. You just said “thanks, dad.”

Wally: What? No, I didn’t. I said “thanks, man”.

Eddie: Do you see me as a father figure, Wally?

Wally: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure ‘cause you’re always bothering me.

Howdy: Hey! Show your father some respect!

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Howdy: *on the phone* Just snap his kneecaps and he’ll talk, I’m at a parent teacher conference.

Howdy: Anyways, you said Wally is enjoying finger painting! That's great.

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Eddie: Shouldn't get stressed out, it's not good for the baby.

Wally: What baby?

Eddie, crying a bit: Me.

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Wally: The shadow realm? No, I’m sending you to Ohio!

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Howdy: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

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Frank, looking at a selfie of Wally's: I hate this photo.

Wally: I’m cute as fuck in that photo! I’m smiling kindly.

Frank: You’re not smiling kindly; you look like you’re up to something.

Wally: Up to kindness.

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*at a zoo*

Julie: What are they in for?

Frank: Julie, this isn't prison.

Julie: So they can leave?

Frank: No, but-

Julie, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

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Poppy: Fine! Judge all you want but...

Poppy, points at Sally: Married a lesbian.

Poppy, points at Julie: Left a man at the altar.

Poppy, points at Wally: Fell in love with a gay ice dancer.

Poppy, points at Barnaby: Threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire.

Poppy, points at Howdy: Lives in a box!

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Julie: Frank and I are so close we even share a toothbrush.

Frank: We what?

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Wally: I never tell people off the bat that I'm gay. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm gay right?" and watch the look of terror on their face.

Barnaby:

Barnaby: I like you.

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Eddie: I think I'm falling for you.

Frank: Then get up.

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Julie: Why do you act like we’re three year olds?

Frank, exasperated: WHY?!?

Frank points at Barnaby: YOU TRIED TO HYJACK A CAR!

Frank points at Wally: YOU NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CARPARK!

Frank points at Julie: AND YOU ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND!

Frank: AND YOU ASK ME WHY????

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Howdy: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash.

Frank: Oh. We're going out?

Howdy: Wh…

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Wally: *gets set on fire and screams in agony*

Wally: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.

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Sally: I need 28 lightbulbs for 28 ducks.

Howdy: Ducks can’t eat lightbulbs?

Barnaby: I think that’s the point.

Sally: Exactly. I want my ducks to glow so I can find them.

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Julie: Wasn't icarly that guy that girlbossed too close to the sun because he was down for Apollo?

Frank: ICARUS?

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*at an awards show*

Poppy: Can I carry you on my back like Eddie did?

Wally: I don't think Barnaby would like that.

Poppy: *pouts*

*Later*

Poppy: *carrying Wally on their back*

Barnaby: What the hell??

Wally: What was I supposed to do? Say no?

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Frank: I have very high standards, you know.

Eddie: I can make spaghetti...

Frank: Oh no! You're meeting all my standards!

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Wally: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind.

Wally: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months.

Wally: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?

Barnaby: This is Monopoly.

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Wally: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?

Barnaby: *crouches down*

Frank: *kneels down*

Poppy: *sits on the floor*

Wally:

Wally: I hate all of you.

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*Sally is crying after a breakup*

Eddie: There there, Sally.

Sally, still crying: Thanks, but how did you get into my room?

Eddie: Great question—

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Barnaby, knocking on the door: Howdy, open up!

Howdy: It all started when I was a kid.

Barnaby: That’s not what I-

Sally: Let them finish!

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Julie, on a random band name generator: Oooo! They Might Be Depressed Horses! That about sums up my friend group.

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Julie: War is heck!

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Sally: What’s it like being tall?

Sally: Is it nice?

Sally: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

Poppy: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.

Wally: It was one time!

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Howdy: Last night I found out Barnaby is a sleep talker.

Poppy: Oh, really?

Howdy: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

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Wally: Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey!

Poppy: But I'm a vegan.

Wally: Wakey Wakey Vegetables and Sadness.

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Howdy: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.

Sally: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back...

Julie: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

Eddie: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years.

Barnaby: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.

Wally: Mental stability, my old friend!

Howdy: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

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Frank, looking over Wally’s shoulder: You can draw?

Wally, stopping what they were doing: You can speak?

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Wally, near tears: Please, Neighbor, I don’t speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!

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Julie: A party is a celebration of a life, bringing people together to let the guest of honor know how much they’re loved. Frank has done so much for us. This is our chance to do something for them.

Eddie: By forcing them to have fun at a party that they don’t want to be at?

Julie: I knew you’d understand.

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Wally: Julie noticed only today that they can label their email inboxes, but they took apart their entire bloody laptop two weeks ago.

Sally: This reminds me of the Julie who couldn’t turn on the coffee maker, but remembers about 500 digits of pi.

Wally: I’ll be delighted to inform you that this is the very same Julie.

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Julie: What do I get?

Sally: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.

Julie: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.

Sally: It won't be you.

Julie: I'll get my coat.

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Wally: My crush isn’t picking up on my hints.

Barnaby: What hints have you given them?

Wally: Well, I think about them a lot.

Wally: And sometimes I even think about talking to them.

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Poppy: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!

Julie: How can you still say that?

Poppy: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

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Julie: If you spell skeletons backwards, it still spells skeletons.

Barnaby, deadpan: Wow, I can't wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks.

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Wally: I'm not a morning person. I'm barely even a person.

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Julie, holding a scooter: Poppy! Can I go outside and play with this?

Poppy: Sure, whatever. I'm not your parent, okay?

Julie, running outside: Thanks Poppy!

Poppy, running out after them and screaming: NOT ON THE STREET! STAY AWAY!

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Sally: ....Thou shalt not marry each other, for thy art both sinful...

Frank: I just wanna fucking marry Eddie!!

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Eddie: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Julie: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.

Wally: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.

Sally: My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

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Frank: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.

Frank, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

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I did it :D

[love-kurdt]

Swooping, Sloping, Cursive Letters: 6

word count: 604

warning: homophobia

PLEASE READ THIS IS ME TRYING FIRST, AS THIS STORY RELIES HEAVILY UPON THE CONTEXT OF TIMT

December 15, 1987

Dear Will,

I walked into my house after spending the night at your place, and the first thing my dad asked me was, “You and Jane get back together yet?” And I explained to him, once a-motherfucking-gain, that no, Jane and I are not getting back together, and that we mutually agreed that we’re better off as friends. Then he remarked something along the lines of why I’m always at the Byers-Hopper house, if not to see my Sweetie Pie, and I had to keep my composure for long enough to tell him, “I was hanging out with Will, dad.” 

He laughed in a way that was so mean, Will. It was cruel, mocking, and slightly angry. I ran upstairs and had to look at your art until I felt better. But his laugh was still there, in my head. It’s like he knows about me, even when I haven’t explicitly told him. And he never gives up an opportunity to ridicule me, regardless of if I’m rumored to be, or actually , gay.

It got worse over dinner, when my mom asked me about how my time at your house was. She phrased it as “How did last night go at Will’s?” Not Jane’s. That made me so fucking happy for some reason. My mom is so kind without even trying to be. I genuinely have no idea why she and my dad are still married– they’re, like, polar opposites, and not in the good way where opposites attract. But I told her we had a nice time, and she smiled, and told me she was glad before going back to her sweet potato casserole. I’ll bring some the next time we hang out, I know you love it.

Anyway, back to my dad. He snorted, as if spending time with my best friend was the funniest fucking thing to ever happen in the history of the Wheeler family. I wracked my brain to try and figure out what was such a huge joke to him, but he continued on, saying, “I swear, kid, it’s like he’s your little boyfriend or something.” Then I snapped. You won’t be proud of me for this, because I yelled and stuff, but I hope you’ll at least see me as brave after I tell you this.

I turned to my dad with a wild look in my eyes (probably), and said some shit like, “Yeah, me and my boyfriend, Will Byers, had such a great time last night! We stared longingly into each others’ eyes for hours , then we cuddled, then we kissed, and then we got each other off ! It was so hot, Dad. Truly. I wish you could’ve seen –”

But then my dad roared at me to go to my room, which shut me up, thankfully . I don’t know what would have happened if I let my mouth keep running. I most likely would've outed myself. I didn’t, though, so I decided to get out of there before my dad changed his mind. I ran up the stairs and locked my door and now I’m sitting here at my desk, writing this letter that you’ll never read. I know what I said was a lot. I mean, it was pretty vulgar. Plus, it's never actually happened, and it never will happen. So I'm sorry about that.

Bottom line, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to come out to my parents. At least, not to my dad. He wouldn’t let me out of that conversation with my heart still beating.

Here’s to being in the closet for life, I guess.

Love,

Mike

previous letter | next letter

homepage

[afterthefuneral]

The Swan Song of a Dying Girl: The Strange Life and Times of Bellatrix Deetz

(working title)

So, I've been thinking. Quite a few people have requested a follow up of my epic Beetlejuice Beetlejuice fanficiton Cradle to Grave. I thought I ended things pretty nicely, but left a tiny bit of a cliffhanger. But I've been thinking for a few days and I kind of wanted to explore the character of their daughter Bellatrix Deetz. People liked her personality, the impish bundle of energy that's a carbon copy of her ghoulish father. I thought it would be fun to write about her growing up, the challenges she faces being so different, the relationships between her and her family, and the struggles her parents face raising her. I'm a little wary, because I know people don't go crazy about OC's. But I feel like I need to write this for myself, for my own enjoyment.

I'll write the first chapter or two soon and post to AO3 just to give people a taste.

Mostly, I have a lot of ideas of writing her as the most unruly teen imaginable. Who in a lot of ways acts worse than Beetlejuice. Giving her mother and father grey hairs. Here were some of my ideas:

Telling a frustrated principal “if you don’t like being a teacher I hear Walmart is hiring janitors.”

Giving a long highly detailed class presentation on how Ben Franklin was gay, and that his kite experiment was an accident and he was just soliciting gay sex. “My dad will seriously back me up on this.”

As a prank releasing pigs in the school with numbers spray painted on their backs 1, 2, 3, and 5. And the school spends all day trying to find 4.

When her school is seeking suggestions for a yearly fundraiser she submits “we should make a pubic hair quilt from stuff we find in the boys locker room and auction it off to the highest bidder.”

Modifying a go kart in shop class to be her friends new wheelchair and taking him out on the highway in it. He can’t use his legs for the pedals so she just gives him a broom he can use to operate it.

Buying a tattoo gun from Temu and giving her friend and her matching tattoos.

Sneaking into the afterlife when her family is asleep to be a little pest.

Roasting everyone around her and being a little motherfucker.

[remythologise]

You win as always I just started watching IWTV hope it won’t disappoint but I trust you completely after Black Sails.

Do you have the list of the things you would force people to watch if you could?

This is such a delightful ask thank you so much!! I look forward to hearing your thoughts when you finish season 2!!!

It’s definitely a harder question because I do force people to watch it based on their tastes (i.e. I have forced my Tumblr besties to watch at least three different movies released in 2011 for gay subtext as the main recommendation factor but would not do this to my work colleagues)… HOWEVER!!! Based on broad factors of what I HAVE in the past forced my friends/loved ones to watch these are the winners…

ROMANCE/ROM-COM Crash Landing on You This is the best rom com ever made.* Nothing has ever brought my mom AND dad to laughter, tears, and had them BOTH proclaim ‘5 stars’. I cannot recommend this show strongly enough to anyone who has remotely liked a single rom com, ever.**

COMEDY Galavant Niche audience of people who love fantasy and musicals includes ME motherfucker!

Honourable mention: Deadloch, Utopia (AU), Derry Girls This is really just a series of non-American comedies I would recommend to people if they hadn’t seen it. Deadloch specifically I am SHOCKED and APPALLED more people on Tumblr are not on top of and AM continually threatening my friends with a gun to watch it, or else!!

HORROR Hannibal and IWTV Both absolutely all-time must watches but only for people that would be into that sort of thing (sickos with taste) and not look at me weirdly afterwards for recommending it.

CRIME/THRILLERS The Devil Judge and Beyond Evil Crazy how these two shows came out at like, the same time, were both so similar in terms of the Wildly Gay Subtextual Leads Dynamic and so good. And they (were) both on Netflix!! Beyond Evil is definitely more refined BUT The Devil Judge is also so good and wild and such camp fun… you couldn’t go wrong with either if you enjoy having a fun gay time, particularly not if you like shows just to the left of Hannibal/IWTV.

FANTASY  Word of Honour and The Untamed These are not all-timers because they are ‘objectively well-made’ they are all timers because I shake my friends by the shoulders and yell "I had the absolute most fun gay fantasy romance time watching them and you will too!"

HISTORICAL Spartacus and Black Sails Everyone talks about Black Sails on this website but not enough people talk about how Spartacus walked so Black Sails could run. Much more extreme R-rated and/or triggering content in Spartacus though so I do understand. Nevertheless something I do end up recommending to my male friends a lot (and they love it!!).

SCI-FI  Dark REALLY tough category and I didn’t love the ending of this show but decided to pick based on what I'd recommend to the most people on balance. Don't look up spoilers!

For All Mankind Ok I haven’t even finished season 3 of this show so I can’t properly endorse it in full confidence and I’m also biased because I’m currently watching it, but. I simply love to see the BSG showrunner do what he does best: make television. About People, Politics and Situations In Space!

Honourable mention: The OA, In the Flesh and Sense8 These are my ‘wish they weren’t cancelled’*** and I don’t know if I would inflict on people while incomplete. However I just think what they were aiming for was so so unique and good that maybe they’re worth watching anyway!! (***I know Sense8 had the consolation prize movie but it was so rushed and nothing that like. To Me. It doesn't count.)

ANIME Shin Sekai Yori This is definitely the all-time anime I recommend to absolutely everyone. Ignore the middling animation and don’t look up spoilers, the end has one of the most existential ‘reframes the narrative’ plot twists of all time.

Yuri on Ice Speaking of plot twists that reframe the narrative… YOI is an obvious answer but it’s also correct!!! IT WAS BORN TO MAKE HISTORY!!!

FILMS The Handmaiden Limiting myself to ONE film to keep things a little briefer (sorry about the long post!) it was still an easy choice and literally do force my friends to watch it the second I know they haven’t seen it. No spoilers but it’s the IWTV of cinema to me.

*When Harry Met Sally Is of course also the best rom com ever made for its medium and I would be remiss not to include that here as well!

[lesbianamalvada]

not to oil a flame but if you consider doing hours of research and collaborating with multiple people to make sure you're factually correct and then publicizing your findings in a digestible format for the public about very significant and harmful disinformation that is still being spread around to this day is the "bare minimum", I think you're the problem

the queer community didnt get where it is by shunning help and trying to pretend you're better than others. have a little respect for your history and the community that protects you, unless you want to know why we had to fight so hard to get where we are

this is seriously over todd in the shadows 😂😂😂. Bruh what research did Todd have to do to point out hacky lies like "Forrest Gump had no cultural relevance" and "Most Nazis were gay". The ones that are still being spread around to this day were 1. Covered by Hbomb as well or 2. He didn't even get to. Yes researching a video debunking obvious lies (that will in turn get you way more praise, clout, money than effort you put in) IS THE BARE MINIMUM . IT'S A DRAMA VIDEO. He debunked obvious shit.

"the queer community didnt get where it is by shunning help and trying to pretend you're better than others."

He made a youtube video, not a nonprofit asshole. I'm allowed to have a fucking opinion on youtube drama.

"have a little respect for your history and the community that protects you"

Wtf? What the actual fuck??? What does a todd in the shadows video essay have to do with my history? How about the fact I have been pointing out Somerton (and other prominent queer youtubers) lies about our history and get other "kweers" attacking me for it everyday. And I didn't need some guy to be mean to my friend on Twitter to do it. Plus TODD ISN'T IN OUR COMMUNITY, and frankly, it shows. Like him being so flabbergasted that James cares more about best actress category than best actor, when that's normal in the gay male community. And I don't have any beef with Todd, my point was the EXTRA praise he was getting and WHY like him being a straight person made his contribution more special???

Also another thing I hate about you motherfuckers, youtube essays aren't protecting me or anyone else from shit. Yeah they *can* be education, but it's a business people profit from like everyone else. And a lot of them raise money for trans issues sometimes but it's not like they are our actual political representatives. Can you name one LGBT activist, their place in history, and what they did? Probably not, you lot can just say "Marsha P. Johnson threw the first brick at stonewall" and run. People like you are why Somerton got so popular, you like the aesthetics of education and activism without doing any of the work, like reading or community service.

"unless you want to know why we had to fight so hard to get where we are"

When will you people learn online discourse about youtube drama has zero effect on the rights of anyone anywhere?? All this because I'm not sucking off some straight youtuber who made a drama video? You're really threatening me with the repeal of my rights? You people are so disconnected from reality. Who the fuck is "we", anon? What have you done?? I was shunned by my mother's side of the family and my dad couldn't even look at me when he found out I was gay. I was homeless because of it, I lost everything. You know who didn't help me during that fucking time??? A FUCKING VIDEO ESSAYISTS!! Changing opinions on homosexuality, lesbian activists who actually made political changes, and myself! That's what "protected" me, okay? Frankly the LGBT community treats lesbians like crap and always guilts us with "we need to stick together" or "you don't want to fight for your rights again do you??" As if we aren't still fighting! So no, I won't be guilted into sucking the dick of the straight white man of the day. I'm not going to put up with being interrogated on why I don't suck dick in general. I'm not putting someone's feelings before my physical boundaries. I'm not going to police my language. I'm not going to qualify discussions of homophobia against lesbians with how some groups have it worse or how we're all effected, or how I'm not one of those problematic gay, or etc. I'm not bending over for an online queer community that produces nothing of value, frankly. This behavior is condescending, self-important, and honestly embarrassing.

[bumblebeerror]

I keep forgetting to get my antidepressant refilled to the point where I’ve basically accidentally gone cold turkey on it (again) (I’ve done this like 4 different times)

And my friend my buddy my guy I am the weepiest motherfucker. And the worst part is every single time it’s totally justified. A guy cannot just be hysterical in this economy. Like I see something about Techno, I cry. I hear a sad story, I cry. I total my car and realize I’ve become so disabled I can’t even support a 5 year loan on a new shitbox? I fucking bawl my eyes out for a minute while mom drives me to work

Like antidepressants when you go off’em have this period after where everything is Really Intense. Idk if it’s just because I get used to being calm and level so suddenly having the ability to be moved to tears is just massive whiplash or if it’s them chemicals in my brain turning my fuckin thoughts gay or I’m just a little bitch but damn. It really knocks me on my ass

And like. I’ve been doing this shit long enough that I don’t. Feel… Sad? Like big sad. Like lay in bed and cry for hours sad. It’s just oh my god the cute puppy. Tears. I miss my dad. Tears. And then I just take a breath and move on? Like I am sad or overwhelmed when I cry,,, but it’s over quick. I tear up, I wipe my eyes, we’re done. I tear up, I cry a bit because life sucks in really specific ways, I take a deep breath and walk into work. The problem is still there but for now it’s dealt with kinda vibe, I think.

Idk what my point is it’s 6am and I haven’t slept yet bc I’m too tired

[shittyrpmusing]

VIGILANTE (PEACEMAKER) - SENTENCE STARTERS

Mentions of NSFW topics and violence. Alter as needed!

“If someone doesn’t have their pinky toe they’ll fall over! It’s the most important toe on the human body!”

“I’m just looking from behind a trash can, it’s a normal thing to do!”

“Fuck this, no way! It’s over, you won! Fair fight! I gotta go!”

“If I keep changing my facial expressions, they won’t be able to recognize me in a lineup!”

“Fine, I don’t care! I’ll get on the ground all day long!”

“FUUUCK! It hurts to walk on!”

“Which one of you dumb sister-fucking, tiki torch carrying, Sloth from the Goonies pieces of shit wants to go next?”

“Do you have cable? I don’t wanna stay here overnight if there’s no cable. Fargo’s on tonight.” 

“I’m just the guy who’s gonna fuck you so hard your asshole’s gonna be dragging behind you like a tail.” 

“Oh! Okay, then I change my answer to just ignoring the question.” 

“Well how else am I gonna experience motherhood?” 

“Oh, okay, now we definitely have to kill them ‘cause you’re giving stuff away about my secret identity!” 

“Don’t fuck with my BFF!”

“We can’t use duct tape, that’ll hurt their skin when they try to pull it off.” 

“I’m fine, seriously. All I need is a good nap.” 

“Look man, I’m begging you, will you please, PLEASE look at my crotch?”

“We only kill bad people! Usually. Unless there’s a mistake.”

“Listen, I’ve been meaning to thank you for allowing me to be tortured last night.” 

“You have to admit, it was kinda sweet how he wanted that monkey and that man to be friends.” 

“Shouldn’t you kill him, then?”

“My dad never made me anything. He was too busy pretending to be gay to get away from me.” 

“It’s our day off, I thought we’d get wasted!”

“I’m getting this weird feeling that you’re angry.” 

“Dude, a butterfly is a type of bird.” 

“You’re a little intense right now. Like, I don’t wanna be uncool but your face looks really weird when it goes into all those various angry positions.” 

“There’s no wrong time to rock, motherfucker!”

“Dude, this is a really weird time to do your face exercises.” 

“Try introspection on THAT, motherfucker! ... I’m sorry.”

“I WAS about to go, and then you had to say THAT! Now if I acquiesce, I’ll look and feel small!”

“If you’re gonna be sarcastic, you should really warn people so there’s no confusion.” 

“Your blades are dull as fuck, man! Why don’t you maintain your torture shit?!”

“Just because they’re aliens doesn’t mean they’re gross. BIGOTRY!”

“I’m not sure I’m ever gonna walk again.” 

“You’ll fall over all the time and look stupid and everyone will laugh at you.” 

“I thought that man and that chimp were friends. I was thinking they were gonna go on an adventure together.” 

“Aw, fuck! I’m never ever gonna kill someone with a fucking chainsaw!”

“I would read anything you wrote, dude. I bet you could do some bomb poetry.” 

“Yeah? Well, welcome to the fucking club!”

“There’s your answer! AHAHAHA!”

“Are you here to put babies in us like in Alien?”

“I think they jumped over those bullets.” 

“Look, at worst, he’s paralyzed.” 

“I’m gonna make a collage of the three of us fuckin’ some chicks with a bunch of dolphins around us doing beer bongs in a Corvet.” 

“We used to go out, kill bad guys, boom boom boom, no problem. We accidentally kill the wrong person? Oh shoot, that stinks-- then we move on!”

[mermaidsirennikita]

also now that rwarb was such a successful adaptation, which queer romances would you like to see them tackle next?

Weeeeelll if there were zero budgetary and casting restrictions in place, if I could just wave a magic wand and make great adaptations--

Heated Rivalry by Rachel Reid--SEEMS like one of the easiest options, comes built in with a sequel, and it's like. Along the same lines as RWARB, while being.... a lot more sexual and a good bit angstier because the stakes are arguably HIGHER (mostly I'm thinking of Ilya being a world-famous Russian athlete who's also like. Bi.). I feel like it's funny and swooningly romantic in a manner similar to RWARB, but it's the next level up in a sense re: maturity. I also think, again, they could actually do this... albeit with a lot of obstacles re: both sexual content and like, casting dudes who could be fake hockey players lol. And one of them has to either be Russian or miraculously do a bang-up Russian accent. Both of these things are challenges.

The Queer Principles of Kit Webb by Cat Sebastian--would be SUCH a good mini? A historical romcom with the soft bisexual former highwayman and the flashiest motherfucker who's ever walked into the tavern or whatever like "HELP ME ROB MY DAD... and I will consider letting you look at my ankles". And then he SWORDFIGHTS LMAO? Perfect perfect perfect. then you could have the Marian book as a sequel.

Something Fabulous/Something Spectacular by Alexis Hall--you begin with a mini on the ultimate m/m romcom roadtrip romance, then you transition to the equally funny but also deeply emotionally stirring book about two nonbinary characters falling in love? and one of them is BASICALLY a rockstar?

A Long Time Dead by Samara Breger--the sapphic Interview with the Vampire, incredibly good and wry and dark and funny and ROMANTIC

A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall--would be an amazing sweeping four part period drama; I just love the premise so much, with the heroine transitioning by faking her death at Waterloo and her best friend never emotionally getting over it and then meeting her again after her transition and not recognizing her until he realizes she has THE SAME FRECKLES??? JESUS. A full-stop ROMANCE romance.

The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen by KJ Charles--JOSS DOOMSDAY and his gay exploits in the marsh! Blackmailing his old hookup to continue his smuggling operation and then following that old hookup home and going "so like... you down to fuck or....?"

This is completely impossible but I'm gonna pie in the sky and say Tiffany Reisz's Original Sinners would make the most demented borderline-impossible explicit TV series ever. Imagine the ongoing antics of a bisexual dominatrix, her ex-boyfriend except actually not except the love of her life who is a Catholic priest that gets sexual pleasure out of inflicting pain, a totally straight man (according to himself) who has nonetheless been in a 20+year off/on thing with a bisexual French guy who runs the kink underworld of New York City or something. And they all fuck together sometimes. Like at Christmas. Complete with a snowball moment! Because Christmas!

New Camelot Trilogy--will never happen, but in my wiiiiiiildest dreeeeeeams this would be like, a 10-episode miniseries (or more??? Like a full outlander-style 13 episode series..... or a three season deal with 8 episodes per season...). It's just one of my favorite romance series of all time, it does such a good job of melting from the simple love triangle to this complex menage a trois of possessive wounded messy people? And somehow two of them are the president and the vice president lmao??? Of course, in the same sense... I'd love a Thornchapel miniseries. Like, you'd get a m/m/f throuple, a f/f couple, and this one bi priest guy they all fuck with at points? But nobody wants me to have the Gothic polyamorous friend group romance I want.

[enlighten3d]

CARMELA LORE!!! I don’t know if she’s interesting to you but uhm mitski started playing so i must share her loreee (abuse is mentioned btw just letting you know just in case!)

So she grew up with her mum Carmela and her dad Daniel and she took both of their last names (carmela is Venezuelan)! And fun fact!! Her parents are teen parents, both of them being 16-17 (maria was turning 17). So the two had an ok relationship, what do you really expect from two teens who had to get married the moment they could thanks to their parents (having kids out of wedlock and stuff)/lh. Daniel definitely didn’t do much, since he’d been told by his dad (and mum) that it wasn’t his job to take care of his kid, like in the actual taking care not just the socialising and talking to the kid if that makes sense. BUT AS THE TWO GROW UP!! They start to get a relationship that I could only describe as Me and My Husband by Mitski (with hands thrown- if that also makes sense sjdgsj)

So over time, Maria ended up leaving to go the city since she wanted to study medicine! And she planned to take Carmela with her but stuff got in the way! (Daniel. He got in the way) So she ended up leaving anyways (OMG WAIT PARALLELS WITH JANETTE ok don’t mind me finding parallels with my oc lore) without Carmela- which Carmela did not understand at 11 years old so she thought her mum was just leaving. And then speeding forward to when Carmela is 16 (the time during her mum leaving and now was not good especially with her dad- she has a bruise across her neck if that indicates anything- uhm SORRY I JUST REALISED HOW DARK THAT IS UH)

In short her mum comes back to the town, her guilt also catching up to her, makes friends with Janette since they find they have a lot in common, Maria ends up in the cult even though Janette tries to stop her from joining. Maria becomes very heavily devoted (?) to the cult meaning when Janette needs to find someone that isn’t Oliver to do the cult ritual, she happily offers up her daughter Carmela! (who is reeling from her mum showing up and her mum trying to apologise) Also the reason Maria is so devoted to the cult is because they are very good at catering to the person’s needs (maria’s being somewhere to stay)

also the last time maria saw carmela, she was presenting as a boy (transssss) so thats another box for her (carmela) to unpack

YEAH. THATS THE RIVERA LUZARDO FAMILY!!! (carmela’s last name) SORRY THAT WAS A LOT AND A BUT HEAVIER THAN USUAL.again as always any questions are welcomeee

OOO CARMELA !!! trust me, shes interesting to me... and beyond that id be glad to hear the lore of ANY of you have, whether ive heard of them before or not

oo this is a long ask /pos... so much food. om nom nom

okay. woah. what do i even say to that

i would like to throw hands with daniel. hes next in line in the timmies parking lot right after adele. i would also lose this fight but id be trying a lot harder cause i hate him more (adele is objectively worse cause shes like.... committed at least one murder, but... adele is gay so its alright, she gets a pass /j).. fuck him. motherfucker..

carmelas mum is... i just feel bad for her, honestly. just really really bad. she ended up in a Situation, make the best decisions she thought she could, tried her best, is literally just Trying. i just feel bad for her man. shes just a person. she is quite literally the most normal person in this entire thing i think. shes just Trying, man. yes, trying ends her up in a cult, but she is Doing Her Best. like... how to put this... shes Real. adding her to the list of ppl who need a shock blanket

unless shes transphobic, in which case INTO THE PARKING LOT SHE GOESSSSSS

i love carmela, did you know that...

does she get no choice in being the next cult leader...

i hope shes alright... (shes not, is she)

[yumeyleo]

top shitty attitudes, actions, or straight up violence.

Source: reddit.com

216.3K notes

fagdyke-empire

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p1ss

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I DIDN’T LEARN ABOUT THIS IN DRIVING SCHOOL

balalaikaboss

Stop says the red light, go says the green

Wait says the yellow light, twinkling in between. 

KNEEL, SAYS THE DEMON LIGHT WITH ITS EYE OF COAL  SAURON KNOWS YOUR LICENSE PLATE  AND STARES INTO YOUR SOUL

sirtroyofbaker

THIS IS ALWAYS FUNNY

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@irritatedlifeguard I agree with your tags.

#[reblog]

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got read to filth last night

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MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO となりのトトロ 1988 | dir. Hayao Miyazaki

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the SPIDER-PUNK

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Tip

this weed tastes like the lake I nearly drowned in as a kid

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I've been staring at these tags for a while @persnicketypansy.

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SPOT

#the spot #Spiderverse

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being an older sibling is like. you've never known a life without me. mom yelled at me and it taught her she never wanted to yell at you. I painted my room purple and grey and then you did too. we live in the same house but I haven't spoken to you in months. I don't know your favorite color. I saw it was going to rain so I picked you up from school on my way home so your books wouldn't get wet. i was so worried when you woke up sick when you were three. you don't remember being sick. mom and dad made their worst mistakes with me and I'm glad they didn't make them with you. I'm doing everything for the first time so you won't be in the dark. I don't know any of your friend's names anymore. I used to know them all. if something happens to mom and dad you won't have to worry because everything will fall to me. you don't like to be home alone but even if you don't see me just knowing I'm there makes you feel better. at least that's what mom told me. you still give me jars to open for you because you can't quite get them. I only see you during dinner. i'd never even think about missing one of your concerts. I stand at the counter when I eat and now you do, too. when offered a selection of books you picked the same one I did when i was your age. I'm terrified you compare yourself to me. I love you. I don't know if you like me. I want you to. mom says dinner's ready

#as a youngest sibling with. a weird relationship with my older brothers this brings me. emotions#this house is cursed and we're all here together… See all

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Sweet Adeline-singing motherfucker

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Anonymous asked:

bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you bites you

HELP WHAT DID I DO

WHAT IS THIS

IM SORRY TO EVERYONE THAT HAS BEEN @'ED

I CANT FIX IT RHMRGRIEAYYDUAGRYDA

IT WONT LET ME GO BACK

what in the name of Finn the Human

[daydreaming-memories]

ME??? posting a para post????

what a nightmare!

@ohnoesmytacos remember the 28 vague para prompts??? soo uhhh.

yea. [please note this will look terrible </3 as I am taking screenshots for icons]

note this will be in multiple rbs as image limits

Above is the total 28 peeps.

1The most anxious quivering wet paper bag of a man who is technically an arsonist (by accident)

Here we have Aoi (She/her), she's a man who goes by she/her. she does not care. She's a gay man, and she's cis. She is an anxious quiver wet paper bag of a man, and did kill someone with fire to protect someone she cares about.

She helps out Parakusu (not pictured), Kokan (not pictured) and Monsuta (not pictured) with learning magic. She has pyrokinesis.

She has 2 children, although only one is still alive.

Could swap with Mr Pie but honestly fitting.

2He was just trying to be hot and morally grey in a video game and wound up Actually Killing A Lot Of People without even knowing it

Let's give it for Cell, He/they. he is the local barbie fan. I don't really know how to go about how this fits him but it does.

He is a trans bi king, and he loves his partners <3 also yes he is poly.

3The most gender motherfucker to ever walk the earth but also she kills people. like a lot of people.

This is Ennui! I use she/her for her although she typically uses mirror pronouns (Aka she would use the same pronouns as the person speaking, though clarification. I do not use she/her)

She 100% has killed a ton of people, and she is as you can probably tell the sin of envy.

4a MILF who may or may not be Actually Satan

Pastasgo, She/her + Fae/faer. I'm mainly using she/her as even though I go by fae/faer i am terrible at using the pronouns </3

a fusion of probably terrible people I've brought back from the graveyard of paras. would probably kick ur ass for fun.

5like if the tbh creature was a hitman

Limboheart is totally tbh creature. He/him and I also refered to him as an eboy to my friend when I finished the more humanoid design. He is a hitman but because he is so cute no one bats an eye.

Which yes is based on a lgbt fornite design for clothing, which the original yippie that is often associated with tbn came from talked about playing fortnite n drinkin cola. Also his general design is vaguely inspired by the game Catherine: Full body + Percy jackson's Grover underwood from the first film series lmao!!!

he's like that one tumblr post abt leela from futuruma doing twitch and Lionheart is Fry. where people when lionheart appears in the background will just send tons of lion/cat emojis.

6a 50 year old man who has technically died three times and he thinks it’s so fucking funny

It was a wheel spin for this spot but we have Kinx. He/him + Hes/Reh. but using he/him for simplicity wheeze.

People keep killing him for being a nusance but he keeps coming back lmao!!!

7hades. the actual god hades the one in charge of the underworld.

This is Mortem and he has like 6 bfs and 1 gf. He's god of death and controller of the underworld, he is the dad you wish you had.

<3 three parts after this one

[cleverclove]

thanks for posting about hamlet ur the only way i actually understand that blasted book for my english class 🫵🗿🫶

OH HOLY SHIT YOU’RE WELCOME…it’s super fun once you get into it :> but uh here’s an actual rundown if you need it :] (except it’s told in incomprehensible modern day language)

King of Denmark? Dead. He’s king of DEADMARK now hehe

His ghost comes back and haunts the fuck out of Hamlet’s homies

Hamlet’s homies, seeing as said ghost looks exactly like the dead king, decide to tell their emo homie, Hamlet

Hamlet has recently returned from a weeks-long voyage from college back home to Denmark to mourn his dad (F to pay respects)

This bitch is EMO AS HELL (i mean his dad DID just pass so….)

(Btw Denmark is at risk of war with Norway but oddly enough it’s not as big a plot point as you might think???)

Except OOPS! Apparently his mom married his uncle. Wtf mom???

Said uncle is kind of a dick and Hamlet basically sticks his middle finger up at him the whole entire play

Hamlet’s homies, led by his college fuckbuddy, Horatio, come over to tell him about this ghost

King of Deadmark tells him that that motherfucking (literally) uncle of his is behind it

Hamlet swears revenge but debates whether to believe this ghost or not (bc duh, it’s a ghost. Not exactly the most trustworthy source.)

Oh he also has this ex, Ophelia

She’s a cinnamon roll (and the only one in the play)

He’s mad bc she broke off their relationship (bc her father tells her she’s not his type…..royalty back then was only allowed to marry other royalty -_-)

So there’s this whole subplot about their breakup going about as well as you’d expect a Shakespearean tragedy to go

(Or: Hamlet commits borderline domestic abuse)

Yeah he’s kind of a shitty boyfriend (ex now)

Blah blah blah blah shenanigans happen

Hamlet intends to kill Claudius the Dickhead Uncle, who he believes is behind a tapestry in mom’s room

So after a fight with his mom he stabs the tapestry with a man behind it

Except OOPS it’s his ex’s dad

Anyway at this point Dickhead Uncle is like “okay you’re done” because damn this is a PR NIGHTMARE

So he sends Hamlet off to hang out in England for a bit

(And by hang I mean get hung. As in executed <3)

Along the way he gets kidnapped by pirates (?????)

Idk either

He sees the letter condemning him to death

He crosses his name out and puts his FRIENDS who he’s traveling with to death instead

Yeah he’s kind of a shitty friend too

Back to Denmark! Ophelia, obviously unable to live without a man (this IS Shakespeare after all), goes insane at the loss of her dad and bf

She ends up swimming with the fishes (bc she drowns herself. Pure innocent cinnamon roll too good for this world fr.)

Hamlet returns and FUCK.

His ex (who he’s still in love with) killed herself because of him D:

Her brother, obviously pretty distraught at losing his sister AND dad within the span of a few days because of Hamlet, is pretty pissed off at him understandably

He challenges Hamlet to a “friendly *wink* duel”

Clown on clown violence because the poisoned sword Laertes the brother uses hits both of them

Hamlet poisons the king after his mom accidentally drinks the poisoned wine that Claudius planned to give HAMLET to kill him

So yeah. Three people are dead now, and Hamlet isn’t gonna live much longer.

His fuckbuddy from earlier, Horatio, is absolutely DEVASTATED dude

Being the loyal bff he is, he tries to kill himself too to join Hamlet in death

(Kinda gay if you ask me but whatever)

Hamlet dies in Horatio’s arms

(Again, pretty gay but what do I know :P)

Horatio lives and vows to tells Hamlet’s story as the Norwegians storm the castle and take over Denmark.

[mejomonster]

Unrelated but one show where I absolutely Was invested in all the straight romance was Ice Fantasy! Maybe one day I'd give Pillow Book a try, like I gave Eternal Love a try (with mixed results), and Till The End of The Moon definitely invested me a bit. But its Ice Fantasy for me above all others as far as the guy/girl xianxia romances go. (And no we are not counting Love and Redemption cause that's a queer relationship, and not counting Love Between Fairy and Devil because while I Do love it... it's mostly just the main couple for me, like how Eternal Love was mostly the side couple for me).

Ice Fantasy just absolutely fulfilled my ideal tropes when it came to so many characters (and I can get picky) and so many romances. It didn't even matter i had no queer lens ships (although that is a past time of mine lol: to look at cdramas and optimistically read everything as queer as I possibly can.... in my defense Eternal Love is fairly explicitly actually queer with a gay uncle and 2 bi demons, and Love and Redemption is Really Queer, so).

Ice Fantasy has:

Wang Duo playing an absolute delight of a himbo who is engaged to a girl he doesn't like for political reasons his dad set up, and falls for the girls cutthroat talented sword wielding sister. Said sister is cold and only wants her sister happy, a genuine triangle ensues where really everyone just wants everyone to be happy. Wang Duo is a fucking delight as this sweetie.

The lead love interest prince from Jade Palace Lock Heart plays Ka Suo, prince of the Ice Kingdom and son to a very fucked up father. He falls for the Guardian of the boundary between his immortal Ice Kingdom realm and the human one, and the Guardian is basically Zhao Yunlan-Kunlun in woman form. She's badass, and forward, heroic, she saves him, she teaches him the wonders of being human, she doesn't want to ruin his life and just wants to help him be a good future King, and she's mortal. The kind of Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan fluff and angst ensues, and it's a delight there is a girl as raunchy and kickass as Zhao Yunlan on the scene. Their first drinking scene together is beyond cute, she's one of my favorite characters in the show.

We've got my man Ma Tianyou as the younger brother to Ka Suo, Ying Kong Shi. He is a sweet younger brother who just wants to help his brother too. And his brother wants to not be like their absolute horror of a dad, does not love the awful burden of that bullshit and impending war and not getting to be with his mortal love, and living through that war starting (with his dad making his little brother the scapegoat) so. Ying Kong Shi has his work cut out for him trying to help Ka Suo. Along the way, Ying Kong Shi becomes "mortal" for a while, gets kidnapped by the Fire Kingdom Princess (which his country is at war with) and becomes her slave. She becomes intensely enamoured with him and honestly he becomes her best friend. The dynamic of that portion alone is SO fucking funny, intense, sad, cute, sexy, complicated, you name it. He eventually betrays her, as he must, to return to his kingdom. From then on they're on opposite sides, but with a soft spot for their former friend. Possibly my favorite ship on the show.

Not a romantic relationship, but the relationship with Ka Suo and Ying Kong Shi is also SO much what Shen Wei and Ye Zun could be in a longer story, especially when Ying Kong Shi goes supernova and burns a bunch of people alive, which is absolutely the kind of brothers fucked over by life dynamic I eat up.

Ying Kong Shis mom is a mermaid concubine who is played by the absolute babe who starred with the pink hair in the kdrama Tomorrow. She's shady af in this show, betraying and plotting and using others. But considering her ex was the Fire King, asshole extraordinare, and her husband is the Ice King absolute jerk of a motherfucker? I kind of get it. And her actress makes any scene she's in utterly compelling, you love to hate her character. All her relationships are utterly fucked up, and boy were they compelling to me.

You have mermaid princess girl who genuinely just wants a normal fairytale relationship, which is actually what society would like her to have in this kind of world. She wants to marry Ka Suo, be loved, and be happy. Ka Suo however does NOT want to be dragged into political immortal marriage, he's in love with his human Guardian Li Luo. So as you can imagine, shit hits the fan in a major way for our mermaid princess. And I love a messy time so.

There's a Mortal (with powers) princess with an eagle man (yao? I'm not clear it's been a while since watching) as her loyal servant/second in command. Who absolutely loves her like a knight loves their queen. As far as traditional romances go, I'm a sap for a man who's in awe of his woman and trying to help her (The Secret of the Three Kingdoms reallyyyy appeals to me with the Empress as puppetmaster and fake Emperor as her tool tbh as a premise, or the Olivia Wang and Wang Duos characters in Yin Yang Master is another good example of this). They're a very cute side couple and it's pretty much impossible for me not to root for them.

The entire family dynamics within the Ice Kingdom and Fire Kingdom is also exactly my kind of thing. In the fire Kingdom, the fire princess deals with sexism (interesting choice in a xianxia to delve into) despite being the best leader for her family and country and genuinely loving both, her brother who's in a way in her shadow for being less good and in his father's egotistical shadow, and her father who's a piece of shit (a la Eternal Love's demon king) but unlike demon/Heavenly traditional xianxia? The ice king is equally absolute shit and just as guilty, for once. So I guess all powerful leaders are all shit huh. Good thing the next generation is a bit more caring (also! If you like progressive advancement anime style stories, this show very much follows that kind of pacing and arc). The ice Kingdom features an older brother with the world on his shoulders, a half brother who's also half (something likely enemy to ice nation I tell you that) something else and absolutely his dad's and their country's punching bag and scapegoat (they full on try to kill Kong Shi as a kid), his brothers mom is evil and up to her own shit, his own mom isn't the ideal ally to Ka Suo either, and his dad? His dad might as well be singlehandedly ruining Ka Suos life, trying to kill his brother, and getting the nation into a war. Phenomenal. I love the mess that is the political plot what can I say.

Anyway. As if that's all not enough? Ice Fantasy season 2 is set in the modern world but still with xianxia magic, which if you know me is the kind of thing I absolutely love. (See: Rattan, Guardian, Fairyland Lovers).

[troubled-bog-witch]

ok Now that I know you will answer these what is your opinion on Coll and Dalben I need to know.

are they gay and in love?

are they gay and just really good friends?

Why are they Like That and why do they make me want to cry?

Best guess? You want to cry because they're the only content motherfuckers in this entire series.

(To be fair they're already outliers because it's rare to have any content characters in any fantasy series. It's the quintessential I Want genre.)

Everyone else really really Wants something, and is out there in the world pursuing it. Dallben and Coll are like. Peace out. I'm going to spend my life growing turnips and presumably drinking cocktails on the porch. What war.

They like their home SO MUCH and they'd be happy to stay at it forever. It's a really stark contrast to Taran, but it means he always has this extremely good safe place to return to, and at the end of the series he chooses that over sailing west with the elves or whatever it was.

They're besties to me, and I also kind of see Dallben as a universal mentor figure, including for Coll. I think they rely on one another a lot, and maybe round each other out. Magic guy + farming guy = harmony? It's very sweet.

I don't think they're in love, but they ARE pretty good dads

[popculturebuffet]

Next up for the FOX adult animation shows, favorite character from the 2009-16 era: Sit Down Shut Up, The Cleveland Show, Bob's Burgers (the biggest hit in this batch), Allen Gregory (the show no one likes and FOX themselves tries to distance from), Napoleon Dynamite 2012, Axe Cop, High School USA, Lucas Bro Moving Co, Golan the Insatiable, Bordertown, and Son of Zorn?

Okay so this is a fun one for a bit reasons: the bulk of these came from a breifly lived attempt by fox at their own late night block ala adult swim done on friday's, Animation Domination High Def. It was honestly a rad experiment that lead to some nice little weird shit you wouldn't get in the more dom com focused lineup including one I think you missed i'll throw in. It's why this is a three parter instead of a two parter: they crammed five diffrent shows into this block most solid. Most. We'll get to that. For now...

Sit Down and Shut UP: I've been waiting for this one... because i fucking hate it. I did not like it as a teen and as an adult any memory of it is bad and should feel bad. I have no intrest in reviewing this unless someone drives a dumptruck of money (or you know 5 bucks for an episode), up to my house. Sit Down and Shut Up comes from the creator of Arrested Devleopment, Mitchell Hurwitz and the connection was hyped up with both Will Arnett and Jason Bateman returning and the cast.. was fairly stacked: In addition to the dynamic duo we had Kristin Chenowith (An actress I always like to see), Kenan Thompson, Will Forte, Cherri Oteri, and Henry Motherfucking Winkler. It's an utterly stacked cast, and also Nick Kroll, that the show utterly wastes having them as one dimensional strrotypes. With main character Larry Littlejunk GET IT HE HAS A TINY PENIS, they TRY to basically make him into Micheal Bluth.. but lack the depth micheal had, being both the straight man bu talso a bit of an asshole. Larry.. is just an asshole who will throw out his morals for his love intrest, but also berates her rather than talk to her while Will Arentt is stuck playing a jerkish jock someone probably through resembled GO. The rest of the characters aren't trying to play arrested development and the show tries to go for a clone high style self refrenital tone but dosen't have the goofiness and rapid pacing needed to pull it off. The result was just a miserable show and what i consider to be the model o f a bad adult sitcom: adult jokes for the sake of it, shock humor, and thin characters who aren't likeable enough to root for and aren't over the top bad enough to be entertaining.

The Cleavland Show: MY HAPPY MUSTACHED FACE IS REVIEWING THE CLEAVLAND SHOW! ha ha ha. This show... is meh. It's the defintion of meh. It has a bright spot or too: They got both David Lynch and Brian Cranston in regular roles, both doing a good job, Terry, Cleavland's gay best friend an da really great character played by Jason Sudekis to perfection. Also best character. But the show itself.. feels like family guys leftovers. For all the flack American Dad got on release as "OH NO ANOTHER SETH MACFARLINE SHOW".. it wasn't. It has some surface similarties to family guy, but even in the pilot none of the characters really match. With Cleavland Show while there are diffrences, it's a LOT closer to family guy in both characters and tone. Cleavland becomes peter 2.0, and the rest of his family are kinda bland in comparssion. The result is a show that just.. dosen't need to exist which is a shame: this is one of only two sitcoms with a promdominently lead cast fox has had. The PJ's may not be for me, but I can repsect the effort that went into it. With Cleavland Show while it has some I just.. can't get into it. And i've tried. There's only a handful of episodes that really work. It's not as bad as family guy in i'ts edgelord era but it dosen't make it GOOD.

Bob's Burgers: Gene. This one just.. lept out and I welcome that: Like many of my faviorites he's the king of the one liner, a guarnateed laugh anytime he says something wildly inapproriate and gets the requisite "Gene" from his father.

The show itself.. is excellent, one of fox's best and a show that, once I got around to catching up, is shockingly consitent. It does have a dip like other fox shows with the seasons before the last one and current one being hit and miss and some aspects not working (How many stories do we need about Tina's friends being shitty before we move on to something else. I know Middle Schoolers make bad choices in friends sometimes, I was there, but come on), but not only has it slowly recovered, with the amazing rudy last year being one of the shows best episodes, but even it's flop era is a lot tamer compared to the others; The Simpsons and Family Guy both had obnoxious periods with notably horrible episodes and character derailment that haunts the franchise discourse to this day. King of the Hill's ocasional painful attempts at

Likewise didn't easily go away. In contrast Bobs just... has less banger episodes as it goes on, something natural for any shows, and still pulled out an excellent movie and a few standout episodes every season, if not more, while also playing iwth the characters and status quo in clever ways to keep it fresh. Other shows went through clear seasonal rot... Bobs.. had a slight seasonal rut.

The show on it's own is just charming: A family who genuinely loves each other, is weird as hell and each member is nicely fleshed out and entertaining: While they can have weak starring episodes, I don't see any of the 5 belchers as a weak link, all lovely fleshed out weirdos with a lot of dynamics to play with. Each of the belchers has some form of dynamic with each other, some bond that makes for plenty of episodes, with an interesting rotating side cast, the bulk vocied by comedy legends (Seriously name a good comedian of voice actor from the last decade. Odds are pretty good they've been on the show. Not 100% sadly but pretty damn consitent), and i'ts own nice little world. It also has an eyepatch wearing millionare lunatic voiced by Kevin Cline. There's not really a lot NOT to like about this show. If you don't that's okay but it's still a standout and helped the shift towards more wholesome adult animated shows, ones that still had plenty of adult content, but weren't cruel or adult for the sake of being an edglord. It's a good show that needs to be adult animated, and showed what the medium could do when it really cooked at a time edgelord nonsense was winning and continues to be consitstant long into it's probably forever run.

Alan Gregory: I've only seen clips and like sit down and shut up you'd have to pay me to watch this pigs anus of a series. Whoever thought "A gay man forces a straight man to be his sex slave" was chucklesome needs to go down a hole and never come out. Just any hole. Even a manhole. Live in the sewer with the dolphins. Just go.

Napoleon Dynamite; I haven't seen a lot of this one either but it feels like the oppsitie: While Alan Gregory never got a chance and good, fuck em, Napolen neve rgot a chance: even I wasn't intrested in givign it one. The movie was fine but by the time the series came out i'd gotten past thinking it was the best thing ever and moved into my modern opinon of "it's quotable as fuck and relatable as fuck but not my faviorite thing". From what clips i've seen and what i've heard though the show is excellent, taking it in a weirder direction, and simply serving as aless down to earth and more cartoony sequel to the movie, but with some of the same awkwardness and most of the cast coming back for this. IT seems deeply charming, awkawrd and fun and I want to look at it some day. Or at least just watch it.

Axe Cop: Not sure on a faviorite but I am sure this series slapped. Axe Cop for those less familiar was a phoenominon in the late 2000's and 2010's where a 30 something illustrator teamed up with his child brother (diffrent marriages for their shared dad), turning their fun playtimes into a comic adaptin them straight and capturing that golden moment of childhood wonder in a bottle.. or a comic. It eventually got a tv show that looks good as hell and captures that same bizzare childish feel. It's only on an adult block because well.. Axe Cop chops off heads, because kids laugh at the filters networks think they need. The result was a fun creative show headlined naturally by Nick Offerman as axe cop, who perfectly grasped the assigment. The result is fun, adapts the comics well and is a good ride. Hope to see it again some day. Not an all timer or anything, but damn if it isn't great this exists.

High School USA:

Yeah coming from Morel Orel and Frankehole creator Dino Stampatopus and pardoying something I absolutely love, Archie Comics, this should've been a slam dunk. ANd I still think an archie parody series is a good idea. Golden even. But my god this was pathetic. Edgelord adult tropes, a waste of a great premise, it feels like a less horrible version of sit down and shut up, trying once again to try an do what clone high did (and would again) without any actual success. It's what Morel Orel was in it's early days: a lot of shock humor without a lot of depth.

Major Lazer: This was fucking fun and made a good pair with Axe Cop: Both have the feeling of a parody of an 80's saturday morning cartoon done by people who loved those, but still taking itself earnestly in a way that makes the goofier elements work. Major Lazer is just a fun earnestly insane show that takes it's weird shit seriously and roots it in party culture that fits the band whose mascot headlines the show party nature: We get cheesy 80's and 90's style villians trying to dope drinks with cough syrup, steal all the bass in the world and a horde of vampires invading. It's a fun, campy, good time and a show I look back on fondly.

Lucas Bros Moving Co: Both bros. This show was decent, having a regular show style premise of two normal slackers getting caught up in weird nonsense, but set apart and avoiding being just a plain ripoff by the singular focus of the bros and the pop culture refrences they bring in. It feels like we just got dropped into these guys shared brain aand are along for the ride. Decent

Golan the Insatiable: Is meh. It has Rob Riggle and Aubrey Plauza playing off each other well an da great premise of a great demon lord becoming besties with a little girl, like the beetle juice cartoon on a smidgen of crack. It's not amazing, but I don't hate it. It just kinda.. exists but has great actors to bump it up a little? Son of Zorn: A show I wish i'd watched more. Jason Sudekis as a washed out he man type trying to mak eit 9 to five with a live action family is a great premise and while what episodes I saw were just okay, it apparently lives up to it as it goes.

Bordertown: A massive disapointment. Mark Henterman did a great job with Three South and Hank Azaria is a good va but my god this premise just did not work. Following a mediocre racist no matter how stupid as he's a stupid racist man is not good and was never going to be good. it works for maybe one episode of a show, see Homer's Enemy

But wasn't going ot sustain itself. Add in a cast that is just.. nothing otherwise and all you have is some pretty good looney tunes style shorts with el coyote. Honestly if the whole show was just a benevolent (In this case at least) Coyote outwitting a slovenly unplesant border agent in a series of looney tunes style shorts, it would've been god tier instead of a perpetual punching bag