#my favorite thing is torturing myself with hands in perspective LMAO

[ghostcak3]

he's having a good time 😌💖

[dreamdripdistance]

KH for the fandom ask thingy :)

YEAYEAYEYAYEAUYEAHYEHAYEHA

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most):

AQUA!!!! HANDS DOWN!!!! to give you some perspective my thoughts r divided as such:

40% my cats

50% ffxv or whatever Interest is bugging me that day

10% my actual responsibilities

200% Aqua Kingdom Hearts <3 <3 <3

shes just so !!!!!!!!! <3 shes the blorbo that is the main tenant in my brain rn, like shes got the penthouse suite. its to the point where i draw her more than anyone else in kh and is probs the only character where i have their design Memorised™ lmao

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped):

SORAAAAAA literally he is so Shaped. like. (grabs him and throws him at the wall like a squeaky toy) literally he was the reason i got into kingdom hearts bc for YEARS i was like. love that guy <3 love to know his whole Deal someday and when he was added to smash i was like AAAA ITS TIME

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave):

do the ff characters count? if so, i love leon so much <3 hes literally just some guy that decided to help this poor child with a weird weapon out for shits and gigs, also yuffie and cid r so funny. i care them <3

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week):

see above hehe

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave):

axel mainly bc hes kind of fruity and kinda messed up but hes not rlly unpopular or controversial hes just kind of that weird but cool uncle that only comes over on christmas and plays mario kart with all the kids and i love him

im not rlly a "poor little meow meow" type person, i dont watch supernatural

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason):

the heart hotel bc i like torturing both myself and the skrunglos

(puts them thru the plinko) NOW DEVELOP!!!!!

vanitas is the only one mostly removed from the plinko-ing bc honestly i just want better things for him at this point, but the rest of the Sortas get the horse treatment

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell):

i will personally smite all the 'norts for obvious reasons i dont need to get into but also eraqus gets to go too only bc his younger self was voiced by drake bell. soz bestie you had great hair and being voiced by mark hamil Almost saved you but.... dont traumatise young kids by projecting ur black and white thinking onto them, goddamn

[sunshine-in-a-bottle]

I'm watching Beast Wars again for no reason and so you all have to hear me talk about it.

If I was personally given Rights I would first use them to erase Cheetors weird crush on Blackarachnia because it literally adds nothing to the plot or the characters. Instead I'd take full advantage of my personal headcanon and make Cheetor desperately want a big sister because I am always a slut for Found Family. Like, that scene with Una ?"Aw, she wants to be you!" Like c'mon viewing him reaching out to Blackarachnia because he desperately wants some semblance of a relationship is a lot more wholesome when it isn't romantically coded. Cheetor is Lonely, so horribly lonely, and so young seeming in comparison to the rest of the cast. He hasn't lost that love for the stars or spiraled into cynicism just yet, and I would much rather explore the ways he tries to reach out to his bitter, jaded teammates. And maybe he's left wanting, maybe he gets tired of being lonely, and maybe he fucks up trying to be like them because "he tried to prove himself." And maybe that scene where Optimus, Silverbolt, and Rattrap reach out to him has a little more weight because it isn’t just Cheetor trying to be an adult, but a Cheetor that tried to be them and post Feral Cheetor has real fucking consequences and isn't just a cool upgrade.

I want that episode where Rattrap finds out they spat on Dinobot’s memory by making him into a "dishonorable" clone and goes ballistic. I want him to find the memories Dinobot stowed away and be conflicted. Is it Dinobot without the spark? Could he live with only a shade? Would Dinobot even want that? I want him to try and fail and be utterly distraught over the whole damn thing. I want him to be angry every time he sees Dinobot 2. I want Rhinox to try and fail to comfort him. I want Cheetor to sit with him, neither speaking but both knowing they're in this fucked up mess together now. CONSEQUENCES. WHERE ARE THEY. GIVE THEM TO ME.

I also just really want Blackarachnia to have closer bonds with the team??? Idk, I'm vibin well enough with her and Silverbolt but tbh I'd really just like her to have an episode where she's hanging out with someone else and Isn’t A Complete Rude Person. I think that's something I actually really vibed with in Beast Machines (although my memory there is still pretty fuzzy, I'll probably have to rewatch that to say for sure) Blackarachnia could actually work with the team in a friendly and occasionally sweet way. She was capable of a blunt and angry sort of kindness. Should that happen right away? Nah of course not, she needs to get comfy with her shiny new Dumbfuck Teammates. But there’s no real Solid Connections there other than Silverbolt, which is purely romantic. (Once again I emphasize Cheetor and Found Family)

Rhinox just needs more in general. If I had to guess the reason he was made a villain in beast machines was because he is only Meh as a Developed character after Blackarachnia shows up and takes over tech wise, not to mention rattrap is also pretty damn techy when he wants to be.(it was also probably to increase tension since his whole deal is being diplomatic but that's a separate thing) Sort of an issue when you make them scientists but don't have them specialize in anything and, more importantly, have a weakness in anything. If your character is simply the backup scientist when the other one is out of commission u gotta problem. Rhinox is stagnant personality wise, I can’t honestly say anything about him changes in the whole series. He has functionally gained nothing from this perilous journey, no real trauma, no bonds he didn't already have with the team, not even an upgrade in form. Isn’t rattrap supposed to be his best friend???? SHOW ME MORE THEN. Seriously if this show had let me have Rights I’m not saying I wouldn’t have loved if we had actually Really Dug In to a character arc or something about Rattrap and the concept of Honor vs Loyalty but that’s exactly what I’m saying lets talk about that. Season One Rattrap they played with this a little (After the whole early on “I would not send someone to do something I would not do myself” and “double agent rattrap” WHICH NO ONE WOULD EVER BELIEVE IF THAT HAPPENED ANY LATER THAN IT DID SINCE RATTRAP IS SO ANTIPRED) and the whole Dinobot thing really wedged it in (”But at least you know where he stands”) AND THEN FROM MY SHODDY MEMORIES OF BEAST MACHINES ITS PLAYED WITH EVEN MORE WHEN HE FUCKING GOES TO MEGATRON BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS BEING A LITTLE BITCH TO HIM 

Where was I going with this? uhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh yeah LISTEN Rattrap and his morals are Very Fascinating and I really wished there was more about that. Like, he gives no shits about Doing What’s Right or Being A Good Person, but he rewards friendship and loyalty and not getting him killed by miles. And despite his Hatefest Dinobot he was actually really... shocked? Offended??? about Dinobot handing over the disc because you’re an asshole but you’re also our asshole what fuckery is this did all our arguments mean nothing to you. And then attempting to join Megatron in BM because he might be Evil and it might be Bad Moral Conduct but fuck morals his teammates were being shitty friends. Is that petty of him? Maybe, but if the maximals had been evil but still genuinely kind and caring towards Rattrap I don’t believe he would ever leave for a second, not for all the Morals or Its The Right Thing To Do in the world. And that’s why darkfics that still use Found Family are the best! The End.

All the characters would actually be the size of their animals because goddamit I want a tiny Rattrap that has to be carried around by the others while he screeches indignantly. Or at the very least make him just a little smaller. Just a bit. And maybe they all have a big Sleep Pile. I like physical affection and cuddling and things no I don't care if they're robots no I don’t take criticism. Dinobot would have feathers fight me.

Optimus has died, been tortured, and painfully grew to like 3 times his size why doesn’t he have ptsd someone give him a hug.

Could we have waited for Airrazor and Tigatron to get kidnapped???? We should have gotten more for them. Let me see them more often. LISTEN THEY’RE VERY CUTE I LOVE THEM SHUT UP. 

WHICH LMAO BRINGS ME RIGHT BACK TO CHEETOR BECAUSE HE CONSIDERED AIRRAZOR AND TIGATRON HIS BROTHER AND SISTER AND HE THINKS THEYRE GONE FOREVER AND THEN ITS NEVER REALLY BROUGHT UP AGAIN LIKE CHEETOR AND FOUND FAMILY REALLY SHOULD BE EXPLORED HERE

Silverbolt is fun, but suffers from the same problem as Blackarachnia where all you really remember about them Relationship wise is the one they have with each other. Who does Silverbolt like best among the maximals, who does he like the least? And if I'm erasing that weird Cheetor crush thing then their interactions probably have a lot less tension so... what else do they have.

Depth Charge is an unrepentant asshole and I love him. He is so hostile but it doesn’t stop him from begrudgingly helping out on occasion. He also gave Optimus some backstory??? Like not as much as my greedy Character Loving hands would have wanted but GIVE ME.

Other Stuff:

Nothing will ever be as funny as Optimus being like “Evacuate the base you’re all gonna die” and Rhinox grabbing his fucking plant

Blackarachnia Craves Power 

Cheetor suffer from Bad Bondage multiple times throughout the series, but specifically during the web I remember Tarantulas leaning over him and thinking “wow this is kind of... date gone wrong vibes??? What the fuck”

Rattrap and Dinobot: *Spot each other from any distance* Miracle Hatemance has entered the chat

Why is Megatron wearing roller skates. Who did this. Why.

“Spider/Bird dog is hetero nonsense” - everyone who has to bear witness to them ever, including me the viewer

Tarantulas is completely done with any attempts to seduce him. Ever.

Airrazor tries so hard to be cool and hip oh my god she is a complete dork i love her

“FOR THE ROYALTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY”

please be nice to Waspinator he’s trying his best

Rhinox: exists

Me: hello yes sir I love u wise mentor sir

Holy shit Dinobot’s death scene is a gut punch. Rattrap honestly is what makes this scene perfect. I have never seen him so respectful or emotional is a way that wasn’t meant for comedic relief.

That scene, man

Tigatron’s speech about bringing beast mode and robot mode together is like foreshadowing to beast machines. Or it isn’t. Idk. Would have been really nice if they, yknow,

bothered to bring up literally anything from the previous series to beast machines

 (yes its been awhile since I’ve seen Beast Machines, but I do remember that being my primary complaint.)

This series is so cheesy but Thundercats is still cheesier so its fine

Rattrap was canonically a miner at some point apparently.

He’s also super prejudiced and honestly that’s interesting. HONESTLY SOMETHING I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO SEE DISCUSSED IN BEAST MACHINES IS THE SUPER MEGA DIVIDE IN PREDS AND MAXIMALS BUT I GUESS WE WEREN’T GETTING THAT OH WELL

The ‘Everyone is blind’ episode was always one of my favorites and it never gets old

Upon rewatching the series I have concluded Cheetor is Babey. Which is weird because I didn’t think much of him from what I remember. Shift in perspective I suppose. They really made Rhinox farting the thing that saves the day, huh. What even was season one.

BITCH THAT IS A TERRIBLE WAY TO TRANSPORT MEGATRON NO WONDER HE FUCKING CONQUERED CYBERTRON Y’ALL DESERVED THIS HONESTLY

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh in conclusion:

Rattrap is my new religion apparently

[bigskydreaming]

Okay, last random post for the day, then I gotta work. But something else I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, is that kinda weird feeling when you don’t like a writer or how they handled stuff and would have preferred someone else write it, BUT at the same time, you also really like something that came out of their writing and probably wouldn’t have happened if not for that writer making it happen.

And I think this also traces back to that post the other day about not settling for substandard representation and holding creators accountable for not doing more, and when its not the creators’ fault but the higher-ups, holding them accountable, etc.

Like, Scott McCall and Jeff Davis is a great example of this, I think. Obviously, he’s one of my favorite characters of all time. And as much as I hate how Davis and co. wrote him a lot of the time, obviously they also wrote him in ways that established all the core reasons I love that character so much, and there’s no guarantee that if another writer had launched a TW reboot, their version of Scott would be remotely like the one that I latched onto. 

And obviously we’ve all talked a lot about how Davis could have done more with Scott’s Mexican heritage and identity as biracial and latino, even though there’s a large chance he would have just been white if another creator had been in charge. I raise that just as another example of what I’m talking about, not one that I myself am looking to weigh in on, I leave that to latine fans. For myself, I’ve obviously talked a lot about how I project onto Scott and identify with him so much as a survivor and see a lot of parallels between his story and my own experiences and the identity they’ve shaped for me. And on that front at least, I’ve ranted just as much about how I personally don’t give Davis any credit for this stuff, because I think it happened in spite of him not because of him, that he was oblivious to the undertones of his own material, or at least the ones that could easily be read into it.

And then there’s Devin Grayson, the Nightwing writer I rant about a lot. The one who wrote him being raped, which obviously is also a large part of why I identify with Dick, and just like Jeff Davis, something I think is in spite of her writing, not because of it, as she too was irresponsible and oblivious in a lot of her handling of her own material. And at the same time, she’s also the one who introduced Dick’s Romani heritage and made that canon, while being very heavy-handed and stereotypical with the way she wrote things herself, and a lot of Rom readers being very critical of her choices there, while at the same time celebrating Dick’s Rom heritage and happy to have him as representation now. And given how few writers have even referenced Dick’s rape since it happened or how few actually acknowledge that he’s Rom, an argument can bemade that neither of these things would have happened if not for her.

And then we’ve got Bobby Drake, who I identified with long before he came out in the comics, and even moreso now that he’s actual gay rep I can point to. But obviously I rant a tooooon about Bendis and his handling of all this, probably even more than I ever have about Davis or Grayson specifically, and I think the difference here is that making Bobby gay WASN’T something that only he would’ve written. Given that multiple writers going back over twenty years have wanted to and even tried to write Bobby as gay or bi, but Marvel told them no, this is a definite area where the higher-ups are as much to blame for my issues with the comics as Bendis himself. Because Bendis is responsible for the writing choices I dislike so intensely in this matter, but Marvel’s higher ups are responsible for Bendis being the one who got to make the writing choices in this matter, even though other writers were willing and able.

I’m honestly not sure where I’m going with this, lmao, and don’t really have a point, sorry if you thought I did. I’m more kinda just thinking out loud. Except...in text. Whatever.

Anyway. All of this I think goes to show one of the best things about storytelling IMO....which is that stories grow with the telling. Always. Storytelling is like one giant, never-ending game of telephone. Where every time a story is retold, or adapted, or even just passed along from one person to another via a summary of the events - something gets added to it. The last person to pass it on in some fashion added a little bit of themselves to it, their own personal experiences and perspectives and priorities helping to further shape or flesh out the story even further. 

Sometimes by adding little details or context that maybe weren’t even in the original source material, but that we unthinkingly add in, maybe because those details are things that came to mind when reading or watching the story since they go hand in hand with why the story appealed to us in the first place. Like we add them in without realizing it because it seems so obvious that there are little holes and gaps in the story and these are the things that SHOULD go there, should’ve been there from the start. 

And other times, we add to and grow stories in the telling, somewhat counter-intuitively, but by ERASING little details about the stories or elements that feel like they don’t belong. Like filing away the rough edges to leave a more finished, polished piece before we hand it off to the next person, our audience for our retelling or recounting of it. Again, often not something we’re even consciously thinking about, our minds automatically leaving out the parts that we take for granted don’t fit or shouldn’t have been there in the first place. 

So any time we interact with a story, have some kind of personal relationship with it or connection to it, its like that story exists on two levels, in two separate ways. There’s the story as it was originally told, initially laid down, the story a creator constructed based on their own personal experiences, lens, and priorities, the story both as they intended to write it and as they actually wrote it, what ended up on the page. And then there’s the story as it exists once distributed to a wider audience, the story as its retold and recounted and transformed and shaped and honed and added to.

And you can’t divorce that second, larger version of the story from the initial ‘baby’ story it grew from. Not to get too precious here, but as with anything that grows, either physically or metaphorically, there is a sense in which its alive, and can be compared to other living things. Like take any person you meet. That person grew from a baby. The baby they were is fundamental to the person they are now. Who they are wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for who they were.

But how much does the baby they were actually matter, when interacting with the person they are now? No, you can’t separate the two, the one wouldn’t exist without the other, but in every way that actually matters, its only the larger, more grown version of that person that you’re actually interacting with, engaging with, INTERESTED in engaging with in the first place. How much credit do you actually owe whatever they were like as a baby or young child, for them growing up to become someone you like and value as a person now, someone who adds something to your life?

I think its something similar, with the way we interact with stories, and I think that’s part of why I have such a problem with the way we’re...encouraged to give proper credit and even show gratitude to storytellers for giving us certain stories in the first place. And I say that as a writer myself, and one who LOVES feedback, and loves interaction, and collaboration, and for whom a large part of the appeal of writing is seeing what someone makes of something I’ve written, or what they go on to do with it.

But I mean.....there’s no doubt that however these things originated, Dick Grayson’s existence as a male rape survivor means a ton to me, as one myself. Just like him being Romani means a ton to a lot of Rom fans, and the way Scott McCall being Latino means a ton to a lot of latine fans and how he means a lot to survivors in other respects and how Bobby Drake being gay means a ton to a lot of LGBTQ+ fans.

But in a lot of those cases, these characters mean so much to us more as a result of what other people have done with them SINCE those initial stories laid out these aspects of identity. It’s not Devin Grayson’s fumbling attempts at writing Dick as Romani that most Rom readers I know celebrate and enjoy his character, its for what others have done with that heritage on their own. Adding to it with their own personal experience, or at least researching attentively and with proper credit and deference paid to people whose experiences they listen to and learn from, etc. Just like, its not her issue with Nightwing and Tarantula I would actually cite as the reason I identify so strongly with Dick Grayson, but all of the fics and meta and headcanons written about that issue by other survivors who added to it and fleshed it out and made it real and lived with their own experiences and takes, while filing away the parts that just didn’t work for them.

Then again, we could argue that at least we still owe something for having that opportunity in the first place, right? That there was even that seed planted, that other people cultivated and grew into the story we actually like and engage with.

Except, idk. Like, intent doesn’t matter in terms of harm done, we say that a lot and its true. The fact that you didn’t intend to hurt someone with something doesn’t mean that they weren’t hurt. But that doesn’t mean that intent doesn’t matter, that it doesn’t make a difference in how something comes across. That sometimes it isn’t THE difference, in and of itself.

I rant about non/con fic and hurt/comfort fics all the time, fics that are really just an excuse for torture porn, even as I write stories that deal heavily with rape and abuse. And I don’t find this remotely hypocritical, because for me, this part traces back to intent. I’ve got zero interest in people using trauma such as rape or abuse for a narrative REASON. Like when writers talk about using rape as a tool to reveal something about a character, to change them in some way or develop them, to show what they’re capable of surviving or toughen them up, anything like any of that, I have an immediate and visceral reaction of FUCK NO. That train of thought is basically a dealbreaker right there, because I’ve got a deep-seated hostility to the idea that rape or any kind of trauma can be a tool. Even in fiction. Because no matter how you frame it, that tacitly perpetuates the idea that rape or abuse can have a purpose, a reason for existing, for happening to a character or a real person, and from there it’s only a few small steps to justification of it happening. The idea that being raped or abused can make a person better, can change them into a better or stronger or person in ways no other experiences or circumstances can manage - that’s deeply abhorrent to me, and I’ve got no respect for stories that go this route.

But at the same time, I do write stories about rape and abuse and read and engage with stories about this stuff, like various stories about Dick or Scott. And for me, the difference in these stories, the reasons why I’m interested in these but not those others, is because of the intent behind their writing, or at least what I perceive that intent to be, based on the writing. I’m interested in the stories that aren’t about writing rape/abuse to tell a story about a character, but stories about characters who have been raped/abused. Stories that are about the PEOPLE affected rather than the events that affect them. That treat rape/abuse not as a narrative or plot device or a thing that happens with purpose or for a reason, but rather just as things that happened to the people the story is about. Treating these things as lived experiences rather than part of an author’s grand design, or the real-life version of these things as part of God’s grand design. I don’t read/write stories about rape or abuse, I read/write stories about survivors. The difference is in the intent. Writers who are trying to make something horrible into something useful versus writers who are trying to make something out of the aftermath of something horrible. The latter value the survivor’s pain; the former don’t value their pain enough not to subject them to it in the first place.

And this of course relates to writing identity as well as experiences. With writers like Davis and a Latino character like Scott or writers like Bendis and a gay character like Bobby. It comes down to intent. Why are they making these choices, giving these characters these identities. Are they doing so for a purpose, because they think it says something about that character or will result in something? Or are they doing it to tell stories about a character with this identity? Because just like with certain lived experiences, I’ve got no respect for writers who treat real life identities as a tool, as something that can be chosen with purpose, to achieve specific goals. 

Most latine fans who are dissatisfied with Davis’ handling of Scott as a biracial or Latino character specifically, IME they cite the problem being how little interest Davis showed in actually expanding on that or doing anything with that aspect of his identity, even while happily taking credit for casting a Latino actor in his lead role. The vast majority of my complaints with Bendis and his writing of Bobby’s sexuality go back to how little interest he ever showed in writing Bobby as a character, having him explore his sexuality rather than just treating his coming out as a character benchmark or milestone that would forever have Bendis’ name on it, and that’s all he needed or wanted out of that. Why would anyone owe a writer credit or praise or gratitude for using someone elses’ identities for personal achievements? 

The flipside though is what about writers who write outside their lane in an honest and sincere attempt to tell stories about people who have these identities, stories about the experiences that come with them, stories about these people as people. Okay sure, that’s different, that’s great. But I mean, its not THAT great. As a white dude, I don’t ever think, gee I sure am grateful that this writer sat down and decided I’m gonna make this character a white guy because I think white guys have stories worth telling. LOL. Nah. So why should I be like, well gee, I sure am grateful that this writer sat down and decided I’m gonna make this character gay or bi because I think gay or bi guys have stories worth telling? I wouldn’t. I shouldn’t. Congrats on seeing me as a person whose identity and experience has value, same as I am and do because of my whiteness or my maleness? I’m....grateful? Nah. I mean, yes, this is better than writers like Davis or Bendis who are only writing outside their lane to get credit and praise for doing so, but just because its not ACTIVELY bad, doesn’t mean its like....ACTIVELY good or worthy of gratitude instead of just....hey, here’s a thing a writer did, they wrote a story with someone who’s like me in these specific ways. I’m a person to them.

Again, I have noooooooo idea where I’m going with any of this or what I was trying to say in any kind of cohesive fashion. This was just....stream of consciousness musing that I will now wrap up because I’ve run out of steam and/also I gotta get back to work. Make of it what you will, like, if you can find something useful in this, hooray and also, impressive, lmao, and if not....let your eyes glaze over and scroll past, lololol.

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#2)

\haha yeah I was totally planning on sleeping but I literally cannot think about anything else other than getting this idea out of my brain. so, we will try to get through the finale of s2: Love Hurts. please enjoy.

-okay so right off the bat before even starting the episode, i noted a few things. the episode description is “Robin experiences complications and a new face arrives at the hospital.” How fucking annoying that it’s the season finale and the entire episode is centered around connor? of course, at this point we don’t know that the ‘new face’ is his future love interest.

-also!!! the fact that ava is mentioned in the episode description of the season finale? That’s huge!

-the episode description makes it sound like nothing fucking happens in this episode.

-also i am extremely scared to start the ep bc i feel like it is going to through me straight back into the deep end and put me in a state of emotional shock.

-i will try to take very deep breaths before the episode starts. okay. here we go.

-does this episode open with robin being carted in on the ambo bc if this is the ep im thinking about, i remember appreciating how angsty this scene was

-i still remember charles yelling ‘2 of adavan!’

-okay hi sarah i really was not expecting to see you this soon

-oh wow. just. sarah calling shots in the ed. in control. you love to see it. also. im just now remembering how early in the ep we get to meet ava. i always remembered it as being at the very end but. i remember connor being distraught with his messy hair.

-also i’m highkey loving how out-of-control connor is rn

-reese. god i missed you so much.

-they counted again. love that.

-okay but like i have no analysis just every time sarah’s onscreen i just want to say ‘i love you’

- i have not heard sarah speak in a HOT SEC and god i forgot how deep her voice was and it is sending me (its not even that deep i just like, forgot.) It has been years and I honestly think i have forgotten who sarah really was. sad.

-like i don’t remember the last time i could describe her as in control but right now treating robin she’s calm (honestly bc she’s the only other shrink on the show, but HOLD ON WAIT DOESNT CHARLES GET SHOT AT THE END OF THIS EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK. reese has one moment. and then her and charles start bickering. i remember why i was so mad)

-i’m in love with her.

-i really have to sit through the next 40 mins of this and just everytime i see sarah going ‘i love her,’ and now you do too.

-oh my god CHARLES SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CANNOT BLAME CONNOR FOR THIS

-also the reason i became disillusioned: dr charles just started being suuuuuper sus.

-i do love sarah. and honestly, connor, not my favorite, but this storyline really made me empathize with him. his girlfriend is having a psychotic break and people keep shitting on him. (maybe the reason i didn’t like ava at first. really kicked him while he was down)

-I... haha. sarah. hnghhh. you can guess the rest.

-if you were in this situation, with robin, would you be thinking like connor or would you be thinking like charles? personally- connor. Robin was fine. maybe a little impulsive to take her home, but charles was being suuuper overprotective (from what I remember).

-Charles: “This is on you. You did this.” I remember that line hitting really hard when I watched it the first time lmao damn.

-SARAH. HER EYES ARE RED. SHE’S SAD. SHE’S CRYING! COME ONNNN MEDDD YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME!!! (and I swallowed my water the wrong way which somehow triggered my gag reflex so now im crying too please god stop Im sorry what did I do)

-yay sarah. hey guys look at that. sarah gets to, like, do her job.

-ALSO I JUST REALIZED THAT S3 STILL SUCKS FOR SARAH BC OF HER INTENSE INTENSE PTSD??? LIKE SHE WHOLE ASS PEPPERSPRAYS HER PATIENT???

-also these are the clothes charles got shot in and honestly i’m not even mad. I’m mad that him getting shot put sarah through so much pain (i talked a lot about ava but y’all are really gonna see just how protective i am of sarah. like god even I forgot.)

-you can see how much sarah cares about connor. which is like, fantastically crazy. (it fuels the rheese shippers which is why i tend to be against it) but just like, that’s just how sarah is. she cares so much. she’s not even close to connor, but you can see how much she cares. this is why its so unfair for sarah to work in psych. like, she’s way too soft for that come on man. (y’all remember the huge car crash episode and at the end she tells ethan that it was nice to be back in the ed bc you can fix people’s bodies but not their minds? 1) she was adorable in that. 2) i am so scared for her. she just cares too much)

-okay but the above bullet is probably the exact reason why people ended up shipping ava and sarah. they both are characters who care way more than they let on. sarah is the only one in the hospital who would probably give ava a second chance after an icy first encounter. That being said, being realistic? ava is probably the only one who would she the bullshit that sarah has to go through everyday, so she would never have the icy first encounter. which in turn sets sarah’s empathy bells off or whatever.

-honestly? ava is a mean to people because she thinks they deserve it. that’s it. she’s not a bitch or anything like that (and yeah, ava stans do a little bit of overlooking her behavior bc hey if a careless med student bumps into her while passing by, thats on them). (and of course, in this world and in reesker minds, sarah has never done anything wrong, ever.)

-look guys, i did it. i boiled reesker down to its bare essentials! (lmao tho literally walking through it again from almost a totally fresh perspective, it is still so easy to see how they would have been great together.)

-also. uh. not to pile on the reesker but. ----- connor just got paged by latham. is-is it happening?

-refusing to go home and sleep because the person you care most about is lying in a hospital bed is such classic angst oh my god

-wtf? charles has meds i completely forgot? for his heart? when is he gonna get shot the suspense is killing me.

-ALSO. YOU ARE TELLING ME. THAT S3 SARAH HAD TO DEAL WITH PTSD AND A POSSIBLE PATIENT LAWSUIT. AT THE SAME TIME HER FATHER WAS BEING SUSPECTED OF MURDER, AT THE SAME TIME HE TRIED TO RECONNECT. it is a fucking crime that that is the season we have to rewatch. its a crime they abused her so much.

-waiting for charles to keel over and die like

-the worst thing is that like, he actually cares. he actually truly cares about sarah, he just did a lot of bad things. so sarah has to justify them all! and sarah had no idea how to feel because now she’s disillusioned again. please chill

-lmao stoll wow 

-oh. soft sweet boy noah. he really doesn’t know better, and that’s almost the worst thing.

-also. dr. shore. that’s really all i have to say about that.

-ohhhhh my god nat fucking chill

-what is it with couples on mad and not being allowed to be happy. (this could be about reesker if you, like, reallyyyy squint)

-aw! hey, look! it’s jay! he’s nice to look at too. ooh i also forgot how deep his voice was lol

-counting

- i honestly forgot what a good source of angst this show was. this guys parents are flying in from germany to go to his graduation and then he got hit by a car??? damn

- i still forget how much i like the cop/doctor brother duo. I love it.

-GUYSSS

-GUYSSS ITS HAPPENING

-the air literally left my lungs I am not ready.

-ITS FUCKING

-oh my god

-it is 3 am and I just screamed out loud holy shit

-I FORGOT I FUCKING FORGOT. IT DOESNT HAPPEN WITH HER IN CASUAL CLOTHES. THAT IS AT THE END. I FORGOT THEY INTERACT WITH HER IN SCRUBS

- I FORGOT I FUCKING FORGOT

--holy shit she is fucking stunning. she was just allowed to be like that? in her first introduction? while connor looks like complete shit? IMAGINE THE POWER SHE HAS HOLY SHIT. THIS IS THE GREATEST POWER MOVE IVE EVER SEEN.

-uh for those of you who are confused, ava bekker has entered the scene and holy. shit. is she fucking amazing. and she hasn’t even said a word yet. all she did was turn

-H E R P O W E R

-uhhuufhuahdoas back to the analysis - latham reiterated all of the points we just discussed in the premiere, only goes to show how this was planned, from the start.

- t h e p o w e r ava has to step on the scene and instantly fuck things up. I ASPIRE

-okay let me try again to move forward. (nope. i tried to go back to the tab and just. the expression on her face. guys. i cannot express the emotions. we will press on)

-deep breaths

-she’s so pretty oh my god

-I-uh- okay listen. it is really, really, really hard to analyze this because i have not watched an actual scene or actually heard her talk in her very very pretty accent in two years. I, uh, i need a minute.

-i honestly cannot recall a thing she just said. (i am literally in fucking love) (i’m gonna go back and rewatch the scene and see what I pick up)

-THE----the fucking way she puts her hand back in her pocket

-GOD IM FUCKING GAY

-as for analysis - god that cheeky little smile.

-she’s blunt. is what took me about 75 words to say. this is gonna be a nightmare. (if i torture myself and make myself watch s4 and s5 then I’ll be really sad) (at this point can you imagine what would’ve happened if i had watched her death? I’m remembering exactly how crushed I was)

-OH. YEAH. IN CASE YOU FORGOT? THAT GIRL? THE SNARKY ONE? ON SCREEN RIGHT NOW? SHE’S. FUCKING. DEAD. CANONICALLY SHES DEAD. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

-like just that fact is sending me so hard. i am already so sad. I had like thirty seconds of elation. it’s not FUCKING FAIR

- i need another minute. AND SHE STILL HAS ANOTHER LINE.

-this doesn’t really pertain to the theory but the “loyal, that’s sweet” line has got to mean something. Like something to be said about how connor couldn’t commit to her in s4. (its just so fucking unfair that she’s dead but we really need to move on)

-this also means that ava isn’t entirely loyal? bc she’s looking down on connor for being loyal? I um really don’t have all the info to unpack All of that, but it should be noted.

-DID YOU CONNOR? DID YOU ENJOY WORKING TOGETHER???

-from ava stan perspective: @ connor you like made her life hell, which wasn’t your fault but still. uhh she’s the one that’s dead, you’re not, so obviously one of you enjoyed it a little more. let’s move on.

-i love her.

-haha oh man jack kelloggs back. FUCKING MERC HIS ASS (i don’t hate charles that much and this storyline gave me so much fucking anxiety throughout the ep)

-god jack kelloggs such an asshole

-OKAY BRUH ETHAN AND APRIL HAVE A THING THIS SEASON? jesus this show really moves

-there are a lot of things I could complain about.

-will: “Why’d she do that? Cut her hair. A woman makes a change like that, it’s a big deal.” S4 AVA WHAT DOES IT MEAN

-i can’t believe its the season finale and they have enough time for will to ask maggie why nat cut her hair. this show is the reason I have anxiety. charles is about to get shot and what are you doing

-oh. oh wow. noah and sarah bickering/noah flirting. it’s like, adorable. which i don’t think is really fair. just, sarah’s the best

-I- uh- can’t believe that was the first time I watched an ava scene in years? that was a really big step for me?? god wow.

-god remember how sarah just like, saved robin? yall remember that? REMEMBER WHEN SARAH COULD DO THINGS? there’s a reason i hated this show.

-okay but just like the fact that charles was - content with letting his daughter be holed up in a room for the foreseeable future? when sarah had a perfectly logical answer? who is he trying to undermine here? (and that is why i hate charles)

-sharon: “where’s the daniel who doesn’t give up? doesn’t your own daughter deserve that much?” kind of a reach but if charles really cares about sarah as much as he does, and sharon knows this, the double meaning here is almost impeccable.

-oh hey guys! ava’s back!

-okay this is like super nitpicky but at this point it feels like norma didn’t have the accent down packed and its a little exaggerated and awkward at times but, come on, still love her.

-Ava: “excuse me, you’re an emergency medicine resident, why are we even talking” AVA BEKKER REALLY TAKES NO SURVIVORS (the writers just really weren’t banking on the fans being that attracted to ava) (like i forgot how blunt she was and holy shit. wow. i kinda see where the haters were coming from. its amazing to see how we clawed her back tho [by we i mean the lesbians])

-analytical. That’s what ava is. It’s almost like that thing where people purposefully say something outlandish just to gauge people’s reaction. she doesn’t argue with connor, at least not now. she just looks between him and ethan, sees she’s outnumbered, and walks off. She doesn’t know how the place works yet. she’s testing the waters. - this could be why she slowly gets more and more confrontational as the series progresses. she sees that no matter what, everyone will be on connor’s side. she doesn’t fight a losing battle. but when you’re constantly losing, its frustration. (reminder, these things only hold true in s3. s4 doesn’t exist)

-I’m fucking?? where the hell did jeff go?

-also, oh, this is maggie’s storyline. the guy dies right but he wanted to propose to the girl? wait no that doesn’t seem right...

-yooo its the girl in the gorilla costume. certified iconic. also how the hell did they have enough time for all this crap in the finale. this show fucking moves.

-for like a split second i forgot that noah and april were siblings

-noah’s a sweetie

-oh hey look it’s ava

-knock knock. who’s there? oh boy, point one for ava stans, she’s right about the surgery (potential evidence showing how this is the first scene of connor not being shit/actually being out or equally matched)

-OKAY WOW SARAH GO OFF (she’’s just fantastic i mean look at her. she’s adorable)

-ava: “Why do all the residents in this hospital think they can offer their opinions?” DR BEKKER PLEASE (okay but like i said last ep i had the exact same question. go off ava)

-connor just took control of the case (first instance of ava outright saying ‘i disagree’) (and let me guess, he’s gonna be right in the end because he literally fucking always is)

-if you look at it from a different perspective, ava was necessary. they needed someone to put connor in his place. at least, she tried. (very disappointing that she also had to sleep with him but that’s not the current point) if they wanted to fix his problem of coming off as spoiled, ava gave him a force to fight against, to earn his stars. they could’ve done it better, and actually had him lose a few times. because what does constantly letting connor win do? it undermines ava, it also undermines his attending. his attending who he is constantly having to stick up for. dude. hero complex chill. ava never had a hero complex. which cannot be said for a lot of the people on the show (IF YOU EVEN TRY TO ARGUE THIS POINT IS WRONG I POINT YOU TO THE EPISODE WHERE AVA PUSHED THE CREDIT FOR THE SURGERY ONTO CONNOR WHEN A FAMILY MEMBER WAS HUGGING HER) they did it wrong. they tried to, idk, fix connor by giving him humility, but they kind of completely forgot the humility part. and the part where he learns things. HE EVEN HAS TO STAND UP FOR AVA TO HER OWN MENTOR. LITERALLY? DUDE? FUCKING. CHILL.

-okay but that’s what it is though. ava was always meant to be the villain. because she was always a counter for connor. and connor is the hero. (you may be thinking this goes against my theory because I’m fighting for ava rights, but my actual theory is that ava was never supposed to stay past s3. the only reason she stayed was because she became a fan favorite. she was supposed to take connor’s mayo clinic offer. and you know how it probably would have happened? Connor probably would have gave her the offer. letting him be the hero one last time. [of course, this isn’t what happened. we all know.])

-OKAY FUCK THIS RESIDENT? “good call, Dr. Rhodes” SHUT THE FUCK UP??? (resident speaking rights revoked)

-I have nothing for this but just want to point out how she looks around and says “yes” all contemplative. god if i could just think about what she was thinking

-jack bro stop

-okay. was there ever an active shooter in the hospital when ava was around. bc if there was. i legally need to know

-lmao stoll

-sarah... makes me smile.

-fun fact: we are at about the half way mark. I am so sorry.

-no no no nono. so, robin just got diagnosed and is getting prepped for surgery. Sarah. don’t give charles credit for solving it. stop.

-Hey! yall remember how the best characters on the show only got thirty seconds of onscreen time together? yeah! I’m still mad about it too!

-aww connor being worried. (i think im fine with connor as long as like, ava is no where near. this scene is just very pure)

-when is this guy gonna get shot already

-aww he loves her. i want to kill him. (why? playboy. gets feelings way too quick. stop him. keep him away from ava)

-HAHAHAH okay. robin just got put into surgery and latham and ava are performing it (is it a brain surgery? yes. are they ct surgeons? yes. don’t ask questions) BUT you can see this emotion on ava’s face. she feels sorry for him. it’s up for us to decide if its condescending or she just feels bad for or bc she is on a surgery he wanted, but for the sake of opinion, i’m inclined to say she just felt bad for him (cough empathy cough)

-literally everytime charles is on screen im like when is he gonna get shot

-this scene where both connor and charles admit they were wrong is very nice (hey actually look, connor does have humility! not in front of ava tho so hmm) (sexual tens- literally no, shut the fuck up)

-HAHA HOLY SHIT I FORGOT CONNORS MOM KILLED HERSELF?? HOLY SHIT? THIS FUCKING GUY LITERALLY CANT CATCH A BREAK (maybe take a hint bro? and go far far away? well he did. too little too late ig)

-connor: “i obviously couldn’t save my mom, but I sure as hell didn’t try to save robin�� *through cupped hands* HEY! HEY CONNOR! D-DID YOU TRY? WITH AVA? DID YOU TRY? okay literally what is it with this guy and people dying. for such a good surgeon... oh yeah, irony.

-hi sarah! how nice of you to check in with connor and charles about robin!

-sarah: *looks between charles and connor, who have probably agreed on something for the first time since connor got with robin* “everything okay?” literally she’s so sweet my heart.

- sarah: *laughs in disbelief* SARAH STOP MY HEART IS ALREADY FULL

-this man needs to button the top button of his shirt, i do not like that i can see it

-I------ HOLY SHIT?

-WHY DID NO ONE FUCKING WARN ME THAT JOEY WAS STILL ON THE SHOW???

-FUCKING EXCUSE ME???

- the air left lungs on that one again, i was Not expecting that.

-HOLD THE FUCK ON. I JUST WENT OF HIS WIKI AND HE APPEARS IN S4??? FUCKING WHAT??? SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT HE FUCKING DID AND IF IT WAS IMPORTANT

-sarah reese is such a fucking dork she got her boyfriend a rubik’s cube as a gift?? a guy who is so nerdy that he definetly already has like five of them. hmm. things don’t add up. also he’s nerdy enough to give back a gift at the breakup. dude seriously. get some social cues. in like the bargin bin at goodwill. please.

-IF SARAH FUCKING CRIES I SWEAR TO GOD

-oh yeah she’s pregnant. that’s how the story ends.

-okay. natalie comes off as empathetic but like, in the most condescending way.

-like its fucking obvious she’s only ever caring about herself (ava bekker would never. sarah reese would never. get your head out of your ass) (ok wow that aggression came from nowhere lmao)

- i really wanna say something about - Connor: “We all know that love can hurt, but loneliness? that’ll kill you.” have fun with that fic writers. (insert obvious connection to loneliness killing ava? have we had enough? this doesn’t pertain to the theory)

-jesus will at this point stop hesitating at the ‘if we’re wrong, it could kill him’ stage. we all know you don’t care

-how funny would it be if the family just like, disowned that girl

-this will nat and co. love triangle is already so fucking exhausting

-JAY REALLY SAID WILL I AM TAKING NONE OF YOUR BS

-is he really about to break up with her. right now. i swear to fucking god

-this is so fucking stupid (what i would pay for ava to hand him his ass right here right now) (that’s a hc idea right there)

-FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY WILLIAM

-sarah and noah stay adorable

-aww stolllll, my heart

-lmao i forgot the girl who played robin was on once upon a time and i was like ‘ive seen her recently what was it’

-FINALLY HES GONNA FUCKING GET SHOT! HELL YES!

-charles looks high as balls

-the queen returns. she’s back

-IM GONNA FUCKING JUMP OFF A CLIFF

-okay. from the previous ep i mentioned ava’s line being something like ‘you’re quite the gossip magnet, your mother commited suicide, drove your girlfriend crazy, and you murdered your attending.” right?  we all remember that?

-well lads, do we remember connor’s response?

-connor: “...Well you’d better watch yourself, hadn’t you?”

-...

- I-

-hahahah this is not okay.

-AND GOD. JUST THE WAY AVA TAKES IT AND JUST SMILES, ACCEPTING THE CHALLENGE. holy shit. this fucking breaks my heart.

-i like almost can’t even appreciate the easy ending of noah’s grad party.

-oh yeah charles still hasn’t gotten shot.

-god sarah is still adorable. the way she finally relaxes FOR ONCE and lets herself have fun. fun fact: this may be the last time we see sarah just easily enjoying herself. also maybe the first.

- i am officially starting the save ava campaign, anyone who wants to join can. the goal is pretty simple. save ava. save our hearts.

-oh my god is he finally going to get shot?? like what dude come on

Okay. another episode down, the first full one, and what have we learned?

Well, this was Ava’s first episode and we learned how it seems she was doomed from the start. It makes no sense, even just her writing is disconnected from s2 to s3, like how do they do that? This ava lines up so well with s4 ava it’s almost uncanny. if you completely cut out s3 her character arc would make complete sense, in a frighteningly tidy way.

Like I said at the top, the fact that Ava was referenced in the episode description of the season finale is huge. It means she is a big character, ground shaking, almost. I really don’t know why they had to make this introduction at the end of s2 and not the beginning of s3, other than making it fit with the three month time jump that i’m pretty sure starts the season.

The way I see it, Ava had 4 main interactions/points. 1) She called connor loyal (and was blunt about Latham) 2) She remarks that residents shouldn’t have speaking rights (that one’s just funny) and disagrees with connor on the surgery, which they go with connor’s decision because of course they do. granted they switch to her plan midway through) 3) connor takes over her surgery after they disagree on whether or not the patient can be saved. Connor is right. and 4) we have the final ‘I like dangerous men’ interaction.

Let’s focus on the train of Ava vs. Connor disagreements. If we go by my previous statement which was Ava was designed as the villain to Connor’s hero, so the hero could win the favor of the public by defeating the villain, the trajectory of their interactions is not surprising in the slightest.

First, Connor wins the first point bc they initial go with his plan. Then, mid surgery, they have to switch to Ava’s plan, because she was right. This obviously pisses him off, that he was wrong and she was right.  His crown had been knocked askew. But then, he wrestles it back. They disagree on whether or not the patient can be saved, connor takes complete control, and he actually ends up saving him.

It’s interesting that the final disagreement came at the sake of a patient’s life. Ava was quick to dismiss the heart as gone, but Connor fought for it, being the hero. It’s easy to shut Ava down right then and there, call her heartless and call it a day.

if s4 had come immedietely (i have no clue how to spell that) after, it would be completely in character for ava to be a psychopath from what little we’ve seen. And honestly, no one would care. The villain would get her due justice.

Let’s switch gears to the conspiracy theory, or the redemption arc. whichever sounds cooler.

A hero is only as good as their villain. That’s really my argument. At this point, yeah, s4 seems like it was planned, just based on s2.

Okay, so, what? Is that another layer of the theory that I’m adding? that the connor/ava plot of s4 was ACTUALLY supposed to be in s3? I... no. we’ve established that is is very rare for the med writers to plan storylines that far ahead. so what am I saying?

I think that the s4 plot was actually a scrapped plot potentially to be used in s3. and when they were left floundering at the end of s3 for an answer? they retreated. sacrificing character development in the process.

So what the hell happened in s3? A horrible fluke? why was it so different?

in s3 ava became more of a rival and less of a villain. while those words can have very similar meanings, the bulk of it is that neither of them really wanted to be that mean each other, they never went out of their way to stomp on the other (at least that I’m aware of). they just were always forced to work together, naturally leading to friction.

This shift meant all the difference. Connor no longer had to beat Ava. it wasn’t required. as a result, ava was very very slowly allowed to interact with people other than connor. she was allowed to slightly develop.

Why the shift? well, the conspiracy theory suggests it’s because they wanted someone who could follow up connor if he left at the end. IF they were true rivals, each of them should be able to hold their own without each other.

okay yeah, i managed to get like 4k words out of like 5 minutes a screen time and 8 lines. jesus christ.still didnt do my hw tho

next we watch the premiere of s3 and see what happens. thanks for reading

-

read the next parts:

Part 1 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra