#my favorite is the one with Mart hiding under a table

[elektroblues]

Photos by Marina Chavez (1997)

[to1vity]

too’s jisu “tickle attack”

requested!

— “Hii💓 it's really hard finding writing blogs about TOO, i'm happy i found ur blog!! Could you write a fluffy scenario about the boys exposing Jisu's crush pls?? Thank u in advance💓 ”

wc. 1,364

summary. you and jisu are ‘just friends’, that is until the boys are forced to endure one tickle attack too many

warnings. minor swearing

(a/n: aw, i’m happy you’re happy you found my blog lol)

“jisu-ya!” 

the nine boys, aside from the one whom you were at the mercy of, stared at you with expressions ranging between frustration and annoyance. you were visiting the ten oriented orchestra dorm for the fourth time this week, which also meant you were suffering your fourth tickle-attack that week—from none other than choi jisu. the first time it was cute, the second it earned a half smile, the third it was annoying and the fourth, well… let’s just say the boys could only endure so much.

“yn-ah…” he replied as he continued to tickle you, mocking your tone. the two of you engaged in this ritual, this back and forth, every time you were in each other’s company. it wasn’t like you two were born yesterday, either; it was pretty well understood by you both that this was, yes indeed, flirting. 

but the question of whether either of you were ready to do anything about it? yeah- that’s another story. 

the members were themselves ready to put a stop to the seemingly endless cat and mouse game that you and jisu loved to play, but there was a problem. they all feared what a forced confession would do to, not just jisu’s relationship with you, but also theirs with him. would he be mad? or would be he grateful that they could say the words that he couldn’t? would you be awkward? would jisu resent them if your demeanor towards him did change? these were all considered, as the boys had discussed it among themselves on an occasion. but, as mentioned, these poor boys could only handle so much. 

“i cannot take it anymore.” chihoon mumbled under his breath, just loud enough for donggeon and kyungho, who were sitting next to him, to hear. the other members who were out of earshot sat somewhere on the floor or on the arms of the couch. 

donggeon stifled a laugh—not that he necessarily needed to do so, you and jisu were in your own world. 

“seriously, i love jisu-hyung and yn and all but….” kyungho trailed. 

“it’s getting weeeeeeird.” donggeon teased, laughing louder this time. this gained the attention of the other members, as well as jisu who lightened up his attack on you once his attention was focused toward his friend. 

“what’s so funny, hyung? i wanna laugh.” woonggi, the maknae, pouted up at his older member. various versions of “yeah”s and “what’s funny”s colored the room—you even joined in once you came down from the effect of jisu’s ambush. 

donggeon looked at chihoon, then to kyungho, then back to chihoon; chihoon looked at the younger member with an expression that read “you’ve gotta dig yourself out of this one”, accompanied with a small smirk. 

“seeing yn get tickled was just funny, ahaha…” donggeon ‘confessed’ with an awkward laugh. “guess tickling is contagious! who knew…”

the mood in the room had changed, it’d become a little- erm- awkward. you noticed this, and spoke up. 

“what’s up with you guys?” 

the nine boys, excluding jisu, looked around at each other with wide eyes. the left out man in question looked to his members with confusion. 

see, jisu didn’t know that the boys were on to his romantic interest. not that he thought he did a particularly good job of hiding it, he just didn’t think his friends cared enough to pay attention. they’ve got their own things to worry about, right?

when your question solicited no response, you decided to make up some kind of excuse to leave the room. “uh, okay. i’m gonna run to the corner mart and grab a snack. you guys want anything?”

you didn’t expect anyone to speak up due to the tension in the room, but when minsu (your favorite member, don’t tell jisu) asked for a candy bar in the sweetest little voice you ever heard, you couldn’t help but crack a smile. grabbing your hoodie, phone, and their spare key,  you made your way to the dorm’s elevator. the entire trip to the store you couldn’t help but wonder if the boys had you figured out, and if that’s why the mood dropped so quickly. 

meanwhile, back at the dorm, chaos ensued. 

“we know you like them, and your painful attempts at flirting are obnoxious and annoying!” chihoon, unable to hold back in your absence, blurted out. 

“yeah, hyung, the tickling- that’s like, gotta stop.” jeyou added, the layer of hesitation in his voice softening the firmness of what he intended to sound like.

jisu argued with his members back and forth—every time he would try to deny his feelings for you or say that flirting wasn’t his intention, another one of his friends would come with a rebuttal that instantly shut him up. not for long though, as he would go back to denying or making claims soon after. this cycle continued over and over and over and over again, never seeming to end. 

not even when you stood in the doorway, hoodie on, black ‘thank you, come again’ mart bag in hand. 

you swore it was a good five minutes that you were just standing, listening to jisu and his members talk about you like you weren’t there; in all fairness, to them you weren’t. you heard jisu deny any feelings for you (which hurt) and then another member say that that was absolute bullshit (which gave you hope). the cycle would have truly been endless, so much so that you forced yourself to stop it. 

“ya!!” you yelled at the top of your lungs. “shut up!” all eyes were on you now, some shocked and some apologetic. the tension in the room had grown to be the same as before you left. 

“listen, you know i love hanging out with you guys but, clearly, you have a lot going on. i’ll just-” you fumbled into the black bag, pulled out minsu’s candy bar, and placed it on the table nearest you. “i’ll come back later when you’ve got this whole...thing...figured out.”

without hesitation, you turned around and exited the door through which you had just come. also without hesitation, jisu jumped up to run out the door after you. he thought it’d be easy to sort things out when it was just the two of you. 

he was wrong. 

you turned around to be greeted by jisu’s company in the hallway, half shocked half not. the way your hair fell and the expression on your face made it nearly impossible for anything to come out of jisu’s mouth. however, he managed. 

“how much of that did you hear?” he shyly asked, hand nervously rubbing the back of his neck. 

“more that i would’ve liked to. i mean, not in the way that i was offended or anything- i just wanted you guys to shut up, haha…” you offered a weak joke to lighten the mood between yourselves. it might not have taken the tone from cool to warm, but it did earn a small chuckle from the man in front of you, and that was enough. 

“listen, yn, i do like you. a lot. i mean, i kinda thought you knew but i didn’t want to say anything because...you know? i don’t want to ramble or anything…”

“yeah, yeah...i get you.” you said, your and jisu’s eyes meeting. all the pressure in the room seemed to have disappeared in that moment, and you found yourself smile. jisu returned the small action. 

“i’m still gonna head home. you guys have schedules tomorrow, you should rest.” you gulped, preparing yourself for what you were about to propose next. 

“but, next time, let’s hang out- yknow, just the two of us? we don’t have to do anything fancy, and you can still tickle-attack me!” 

“i mean, you had me at the two of us but i definitely would not have refused after the tickle-attack promise!”

you and jisu shared a laugh and one more smile. as much as you didn’t want to, you oblige yourself to depart from your...friend? honestly, it didn’t matter what you said you were, because the entire ride home you wore that same stupid grin; that told you everything you needed to know.

[narcoleptic-drag-queen]

Babe, since you've started with Scyvie, how about 50 and E?

I love scyvie and I love you, I hope you enjoy <3<3<3

50 - “Fuck, you scared the shit out of me.”

E - Secret Admirer

-

Scarlet finds a bouquet of roses just outside the door to her Economics lecture.

She stares at it for a long moment, trying to relate it somehow to her class being cancelled. She flips through insane scenarios, from the professor cancelling class to use the classroom for some sort of romantic escapade to a student coming over to woo their crush and throwing the bouquet upon rejection, but eventually, she decides the most likely case is that someone accidentally dropped it in their rush to class.

She takes two steps away when she finally registers the name written on the white card sticking out of the stems. To my Scarlet, with love, your secret admirer.

Scarlet blushes at the sight, happiness and excitement fluttering around in her chest like small birds. She’s been getting notes wedged in her dormitory door for a few months now, but this is new. 

And very, very exciting.

She bends down to pick up the flowers, unable to help the smile spreading across her face. She makes a show of smelling them once she’s up, eager to show off. She has a secret admirer. That shit only happens in movies. And to Scarlet, apparently.

It makes sense.

She turns the card over, admiring the silky red string it’s tied with, and finds another note written on the back in the curly, wild cursive she’s come to adore. 

Something is waiting at your favorite place to reside.

A small thrill runs through her - a scavenger hunt. And likely with a prize on the other end of it. Please, dear god, let the prize be a brand new girlfriend. 

She thinks over the clue for a few moments - it can’t be her dorm, because she’s barely in it. She spends most of her time in the library, which closed at five, or --

The Starbucks. She’s always been a basic white girl about her coffee and her studying habits, something that Yvie loves to tease her about, but she can’t quite bring herself to care. Yvie still comes with her and fake-gags at the amount of sugar in her drinks, and that’s really all Scarlet wants.

Hope suddenly spikes through her chest. What if--

She dashes down the walkways, speeding past students and even knocking into a few in her haste to get to the Starbucks attached to the little grocery mart at the very edge of campus. She gets there in record time, bursting in with little ceremony only to stand there, awkwardly, for a moment, unsure of what to do now that she’s here.

There’s no one in the shop, so she’s definitely not meeting anyone, and she’s about to start looking under the tables when the barista calls her name.

“Scarlet?”

“That’s me!” Scarlet says, perhaps a little too quickly. She steps over, raising her eyebrows at the warm coffee the barista passes over.

“Prepaid,” the barista tells her, bemused. “Obviously. There’s a note at the bottom for you.”

Excitement once again flutters in her chest as she grins, raising the cup up to find a note leading her to the quad, hinting at a ‘treat’. She thinks that her secret admirer has won her heart already, no matter who it is. (Except it does matter, because it has to be her, Scarlet needs it to be her, but she can’t get her hopes up for something that isn’t going to happen).

“Thank you,” she tells the barista, her excitement only a little diminished. “You don’t want to maybe tell me who prepaid, do you?”

The barista shakes his head with a wry smile, and Scarlet shrugs, so happy that she even waves him goodbye on her way out. Even if it isn’t Yvie, it’s still someone who clearly knows her well, and she thinks if they’re willing to put this much effort into her, then she can try to return the favor.

But god, what if it was Yvie?

She ends up going to two other places before the final hint comes in the shape of a paper bird, shittily folded but beautiful nonetheless, telling her to go to the ‘place you share with only one other’.

She knows immediately where to go, letting her feet take her there more than her mind, new hope beaming through her entire body as she practically runs towards the tiny alcove between the English and Law buildings, rose petals shedding behind her like red footprints. 

It’s a small garden tucked away from passersby, something that Scarlet had found her freshman year, when she’d wanted a place to cry alone over a ‘D’ on her first paper and her roommate had been in their dorm already. She’d only been willing to share it with one other person: her best friend, the girl who feels almost more familiar to her than herself. 

She rounds the corner, slipping between the brick walls of the entrance, her breath catching when she finds Yvie waiting for her within. Her back is to Scarlet as she messes with something on the base of the tree, clearly too focused to pay attention to the time or her surroundings. Scarlet lets her eyes wander away from the other girl to admire what she’d been working on, and she lets out a quiet gasp at the sight.

The whole place is lit up, now that the sun has set and campus is emptier than it was even at six o clock, with string lights threaded through the branches of the tree and electric candles settled between the bushes, twinkling cheerfully. It’s gorgeous - like something out of a movie.

Scarlet can’t believe her luck. She can’t quite let herself believe that this is her luck. Maybe the note had meant her dorm, and the one person her roommate. Maybe she’d gotten this all wrong - but why else would Yvie have made the tree glitter like that?

“Yves,” Scarlet breathes, too impatient to wait for Yvie to turn around, and Yvie jumps, whirling around to face Scarlet with wide eyes.

“Oh, Jesus,” she says, her voice almost too loud for the space she’s created around them. “Fuck, you scared the shit out of me, Scar.”

Scarlet shrugs, not quite able to hide the way she’s shaking with anticipation, with hope. “Should have been more prepared when you led me here, then,” she says, and it feels like she’s just stepped off a ledge. Either Yvie will confirm that it’s her, or she’ll look at her like she’s insane, and Scarlet will be crushed. 

Yvie’s lips curl into a shy smile, and she tucks a piece of her bangs behind her ear. They’re getting too long, but Scarlet kind of likes it. Kind of wants to tuck the hair behind Yvie’s ear for her. “Yeah,” Yvie says, her voice a lot quieter. “Maybe I should have.”

“So you are,” Scarlet says, and her voice is only a little shaky. “You are my secret admirer.”

Yvie just nods, taking a visible breath. “Is that okay?”

“Bitch,” Scarlet breathes out, laughing a little. She takes a step closer, so that she has to look just slightly up to meet Yvie’s eyes. “It’s more than okay.”

“Really?”

“I was hoping it was you,” Scarlet says, and she steps even closer, her confidence returning to her in bounds. She takes a piece of Yvie’s hair in her hand, twirling it around her fingers and grinning at the way Yvie’s breath catches. “I was wishing for it, actually.”

“Good,” Yvie says softly, and Scarlet gives her a softer smile.

“Good,” she repeats quietly, and Yvie pulls her into a kiss.

Scarlet sinks into it, humming, happiness swelling in her chest so dramatically that she feels like she might pop. Yvie is warm despite the autumn breeze, bright despite the darkness of the sky, and Scarlet loves her so, so much. She’s loved her for so long, and now--

Yvie deepens the kiss, and Scarlet’s brain completely short circuits. She presses closer, drops the bouquet and threads her fingers through Yvie’s hair, curling her fingers through it and gasping at the way Yvie moans. 

They pull away, both grinning brighter than Yvie’s fairy lights, chests heaving.

“That all you got?” Scarlet teases. She feels like she could jump a fifty foot hurdle.

Yvie just kisses her again.

send me a pairing, number, and letter!

[smlyds]

Sam x Reader (stardew valley)

Dandelion

Chapter 3

The next day, I woke up in the early morning and planted my new seeds and watered my crops. I also noticed I had some mail. One was a fifty dollar check for some sap and fiber I sold the day before and a letter from the joja mart in the east side of the town. I put the money in my wallet and decided to go to the town again to see if anyone had posted a request. The walk was as peaceful as the day before with the morning light shining through the trees, the birds singing and the quiet patting of my feet in the soft dirt. When I reached the town, I looked at my watch and realized it was still really early, only 8:26. That meant nothing would be open for another half an hour. I sighed and continued to the bulletin board with the calendar and request section. On the requests, a small paper was pinned that said,

If it’s not too much trouble, I would like someone to bring me a Joja Cola after my shift at Joja Mart. I will give you 3 dollars. Bring it to me at my house around 2:30! Thanks!

-Sam

I took it down and took and put it in my journal, deciding to buy a cola from the saloon for him. I still had about 6 hours until then, though, so I decided to spend some time at the beach, which lay at the southern end of the town. I walked through the town square, then the small graveyard and to the bridge over the river that led to the beach. It was a very nice beach. A small cabin was built in one corner, where Elliot lived. The sunlight shimmered off the water as waves crashed against the sand. A fishing dock stretched into the ocean, and a small building was built and the far end of it. I walked around the beach and found some shells, which I placed in my backpack, then decided to see what the building was at the end of the dock. I walked down it, the old wood creaking and bending slightly under my weight, which made me uneasy. When I reached it, I opened the door to see a small fishing shop. It had bait, fish and fishing poles all over. At the end of the small room, behind a counter, a tall man with a gray beard and a red hat and jacket stood.

“Hello there! Yer’ new here aren’tcha?” He asked.

“Yes, I’m (y/n),” I said.

“Well I’m Willy. It’s good to meet’cha!” He said with a hearty laugh. “So, d’you have a fishin’ pole?”

“No, I can’t say I do,” I responded, hoping he wouldn’t try to convince me to buy one. I was really bad at refusing things, so I knew I would spend what little money I had on a fancy fishing pole if he suggested I do.

“I just got a nice fiberglass pole, so If you’d like, ya can have me old bamboo pole,” he said, picking up the bamboo fishing pole he had referred too.

“Oh, I would feel bad to take that,” I said, though I did want it.

“I don’t need it, so there’s no reason to feel bad,” he said, handing it to me, and J took it.

“Are you sure it’s alright?” I asked, to which he replied with a smile and a nod. “Okay! I guess I will go fish then!” I said, walking out the door. I then proceeded to fish until 2:10, getting tons of great catches I could sell, then left the beach and bought a Joja Cola to bring Sam. After buying it, I checked my watch and saw that it was 2:25, so I walked quickly to Sam’s house, and thoughtlessly knocked on the door, taking out the note with the request. Today, a young boy with reddish hair and brown eyes who seemed to be about 7 answered the door.

“Hello stranger!” he said.

“Hi! Is Sam here?” I asked the boy.

“Yeah, I will go get him,” the boy responded, going back into the house. A moment later Sam stepped out, and I felt myself get a little nervous.

“Hey there Farmer!” He said in a bright and cheery tone.

“U-um, hi,” I said awkwardly. “I saw your request on the bulletin board.” I said, handing him the Joja Cola.

“Oh, cool! I’ll go get my wallet,” he said, almost going back inside.

“You don’t need to pay me, it was only a dollar,” I said quickly.

“Well, on the request, I said I would, so I am going to stick to that,” he said with a smile.

“Well, then I will just use that 3 dollars to buy you a pizza or something,” I said stubbornly.

“Alright, then let’s get some pizza, on me.”

“Huh?”

“I will go get my wallet,” he said, smirking at me and going inside. After a moment, I processed what he had suggested and started to blush. He quickly came outside and said, “alright, let’s go to the Saloon!”

“A-alright,” I said, walking with him down the street and through the town square to the Saloon. “Also, let’s sit at the bar, because the chairs are tall and it’s more fun that way.”

I smiled at that suggestion, as I always felt the same way when picking where to sit.

“Thank you, for the pizza,” I said quietly, still blushing, but trying my best to hide it.

“No problem! This seemed like a good opportunity to make a new friend so I thought I should take it,” he said happily. He quickly ordered a pizza from the Saloon’s owner, Gus.

“So, have you lived here your whole life?” I asked in an attempt to make small talk.

“Nope, I moved here from Zuzu City about 6 years ago,” Sam said.

“Oh really? Do you prefer it here,” I asked curiously.

“I think I probably prefer the city. Things seem to move slower here. There are some nice things though,” he said, pausing before continuing. “I might move back to the city once I have enough money saved.”

“That makes sense. I guess the country isn’t for everyone,” I said, a little disappointed.

“Of course, that’s just a maybe right now. I might stay. Anyways, why did you move here?” Sam asked.

“I got tired of working an office job and remembered a letter my grandfather left me that he said to read when I was tired of modern life, and it had the will to the farm, so I decided to pack my bags and go,” I said, resting my chin on my hands.

“Wow! I wish I could do something as spontaneously as that,” he said, seeming amazed, which didn’t make sense to me. “I couldn’t do that though,” he said, looking a little sad.

“It hasn’t been all that great, so don’t worry to much about the idea of it. If anything, I wish I had planned more,” I said in response.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right! It does seem like it would be kind of stressful,” he said with a laugh, his mood restored. I smiled.

“Here’s your pizza!” Gus said, placing a medium sized pizza between the two of us with two small plates.

“Thanks Gus!” Sam said happily. “Pizza is my favorite,” he said, taking a slice. I got one as well and took a bite.

“Wow! That’s really good!” I said, taking another bite.

“Yeah! Gus’s pizza is the best,” he said, already having eaten half of his slice, sauce smeared on his lips. I let out a small giggle. He laughed and said, “Y’know, you’re a lot of fun! We should hang out more!” I blushed and continued eating my pizza. We spent the rest of the day talking about random things, and I learned a few things about Sam, like how his favorite color is blue, he plays guitar and sings, his favorite drink is Joja Cola and that he has a younger brother named Vincent.

I spent the remainder of the day in my room doodling and thinking about how much fun I’d had with Sam. I hoped we would be able to do something like that again. With that thought, I went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning, the sun shining through the window of my one room house. It felt so serene as I stood up from my bed, which loudly creaked in reaction. I spent the morning farming and weeding, only to remember I needed to meet Emily at 10:30 with only 15 minutes to make it to town. Panicked, I ran down the path to town and made it to her house on time, my breath uneven and shallow. I looked at my watch, which read 10:28, and knocked on the door. A girl with blonde hair answered.

“Who’re you?” She said in a rude tone.

“I’m (y/n),” I said, pausing to breathe. “I’m here to have tea with Emily.”

“Oh, okay I guess, come inside and I’ll get her.” I walked in and took my boots off, looking around. It was decorated normally, with a bookshelf, and a coffee table which was surrounded by a small couch and a chair. The blonde girl, who had failed to introduce herself, walked to another room and came back a moment later with Emily.

“Hello, (y/n)!” She said, smiling cheerfully, bright red lipstick lining her small lips. “Take a seat. Oh! What’s your favorite kind of tea?”

“Thank you, I like peppermint tea. I hope that’s alright,” I said, sitting on a yellow chair next to the coffee table.

“I like peppermint tea, so it won’t be an issue. Haley, would you mind making the tea? I wouldn’t want to leave (y/n) by herself to wait,” She said to the blonde girl.

“Fine,” she said, rolling her eyes and going back into the room she went to to get Emily.

“Sorry about her, she can be kind of rude. She’s my younger sister Haley, by the way,” Emily said, sitting on the small couch.

“She’s been fine, so it’s really no problem,” I said, feeling a little awkward.

“So, how are you liking Stardew Valley?” She asked.

“It’s nice here. Most of the people are very friendly, and farming has been a lot better than I expected,” I said in response.

“That’s good! We only moved here about 5 years ago,” She said.

“Oh really? Where did you move from?” I asked.

“Calico desert. It’s a lovely place,” She said, looking nostalgic.

“I’m sure it is,” I said. “I just moved from the city.”

“I can’t blame you for that. I’ve never liked the city. Too harmful to the environment,” She said in a serious tone, and Haley came in, setting out tea down. I quickly picked up my cup.

“That makes sense,” I said in response.

“Have you made any friends here yet,” Emily asked.

“Kind of,” I said, pausing for a moment. “Jodi is nice. I talked to her a bit. Also Sam is... nice,” I said, my cheeks warming as J looked into my tea. Emily giggled at me.

“I suppose you could say that. Sam is a good guy,” She said, smiling at me. I could feel my heart beat a little faster.

“Yeah. He got me pizza yesterday. It was so much fun,” I responded enthusiastically. Emily giggled again, and I started to take a sip of my tea.

“I hope I’m not overstepping any bounds, since we aren’t close friends or anything yet, but do you have a crush on Sam?” Hearing her words, I immediately choked on my tea and started blushing immensely . “Ah, sorry, are you okay?” Emily asked, sounding a bit worried. I coughed a few times.

“Y-yeah, I’m okay,” I said, though I was very embarrassed. “Also, your question was fine. I don’t think I have a crush on him, considering I barely know him,” I answered, but in that moment I knew I was lying through my teeth.

“Alrighty, if you say so,” Emily replied suspiciously. I could feel heat rising to my ears.

“Well, I have to go,” I said, downing my tea and setting the cup down. Emily laughed at me.

“Bye, then,” She said as I walked out of the door. I closed it behind me, closing my eyes to take a deep breath, only to be met by those gorgeous green eyes with blue and yellow specks. “S-Sam!” I shouted in surprise.

“Hey there, (y/n)!” He said cheerfully. I felt embarrassed knowing my face was still bright red. “Are you alright?”

“O-Oh, yeah, it’s just a bit hot,” I said, fanning myself, even though I thought it was very nice out.

“It is a bit hot. Anyway, I’m on my way to hang out with Abigail and Sebastian, so I gotta go! Bye, farmer,” He said happily, starting to jog away. I felt a pang of jealousy, wishing I could hang out with them too.

“Bye!” I said, giving him a weak wave.

“Don’t like him that way, huh?” I gasped, turning around to see Emily giggling at me.

“When did you come out here?” I asked, spooked from her sudden appearance.

“I have been here the whole time. You would’ve noticed if you weren’t so enraptured by Sam,” she said teasingly.

“I am not!” I said, lying to her once again.

“Alrighty. Just know, my door is always open if you wanna talk about it,” She said, ducking back into her house and closing the door. I blushed and decided to go home to collect my thoughts about the whole situation.

The walk home was long, and I felt uneasy the entire time. When I got home, I farmed and thought everything over, berating myself for getting a crush so easily on someone I didn’t even know. In the evening, I left the farm to go get something to eat from the saloon. When I arrived, the jukebox was playing a cheery tune. I sat at the bar and asked for some pancakes.

“You got it!” Gus said with enthusiasm, cooking them at a stove only a few feet away after handing me a small glass of water. I watched bubbles drift up from the side of the water in silence as I waited. “Y’know, I don’t know you, but you seem troubled.”

“How could you tell?” I asked.

“Running a saloon and seeing so many people makes it easy to read people’s moods,” Gus said, flipping a pancake. “If you don’t mind, can I ask what’s bothering you?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, just something dumb,” I said with a sigh.

“I know what it’s about!” Emily said, and I suddenly noticed her organizing wine bottles a few feet away.

“Emily?” I said in surprise.

“I work here, by the way,” she said.

“I figured,” I said in an accidentally rude tone.

“Well, if you don’t want to share, you don’t need to,” Gus said, handing me a plate of perfectly made pancakes.

“Thanks. These look amazing, by the way,” I said, taking a bite. “Mmm! Yummy!”

“Thanks! It’s taken years to perfect the art of the pancake,” he said in a serious tone. “Well, you seem to be okay again,” he said happily.

“Yeah, I feel much better than I did before,” I said, eating the pancakes faster, when the door opened with a creaking sound.

“Hey Gus!” A voice I recognized quite well said.

“Hey Sam,” Gus said in response, hearing Emily giggle at me in response the the redness suddenly coloring my cheeks. “What can I get you?”

“Could I get a Joja Cola?” He asked, sitting down next to me, giving me a quick wave.

“Of course!” Gus said, shooting me a glance, wondering what was wrong as he poured a glass of Joja Cola for Sam. “Are you okay? You’re kind of red?” He asked.

“Yeah, you were pretty red earlier, too,” Sam said.

“I-I’m fine!” I said quickly, looking at my glass of water.

“Are you sure? If you feel sick at all, you should go home,” Gus said.

“Really, I’m fine,” I said, and Emily laughed again.

“Yeah, she’s fine,” Emily said, smirking at me, and I glared at her.

“Well, okay then,” Gus said, looking a bit suspicious.

“It’s good you’re alright,” Sam said, smiling and taking a sip of the Joja cola. I took a deep breath.

“Yeah, it would suck if I got sick,” I said, looking at my pancakes to avoid eye contact. I knew if I looked him in the eyes, I would be blushing even more than I already was.

“I don’t mind getting sick too much,” he said. “When I’m sick I don’t have to work,” He laughed at the end.

“Oh, where do you work?” I asked curiously, taking a bite of my pancakes.

“I work at the Joja mart,” he said, and I found myself looking at him frowning.

“I worked at Joja in the city, the jobs there suck,” I responded.

“Really? You must like farming better,” he responded.

“Farming is so much better! It’s a lot of work but it doesn’t suck your soul out like Joja does,” I said, stopping in response to Sam’s laughter. He really had a nice laugh, and it made me happy that I caused it. My cheeks started to warm once more.

“You’re funny, (y/n)!” He said, drinking the last of his cola and handing Gus money for it. “I have to go, so I will talk to you later!” He waved goodbye and walked out of the saloon, and my cheeks were burning from the unexpected compliment.

Once the door closed, Gus said, “so you like Sam, then?”

“Is it really that obvious,” I asked.

“Yes,” Gus and Emily said in unison. I blushed and sighed.

“I really hope Sam can’t tell,” I said, stressfully eating my pancakes.

“He is kind of dense, so you don’t need to worry about that,” Gus said, and I giggled in response.

“That’s a relief,” I said, finishing up the pancakes. “Well, thanks for these! They were delicious.”

“No problem, and they’re on the house today,” He said with a kind smile.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course!” Gus said, taking my plate.

“Thank you so much! Have a good night, Gus, Emily,” I said happily, leaving the Saloon.

I walked home with a clearer head, and a good feeling in my heart.

#fanfic #samstardewvalley #stardewvalley #xreader #samxreader

[cannedapricot]

winter sun.

in which a boy who resembles the summer sun waltzes into your life on a cold winter’s day. 

word count: 3.4k of fluff and slice of life again because i’m unable to write anything else kms

The first time you encountered Lee Donghyuck was on a day where little white ice crystals fell from the grey sky, tossing and turning in the air until they eventually came to a halt, falling on top of one another as they rest on the man made roads.

Even the trees were shivering in the temperature. They shook their bare branches every time someone moved passed them with heavy steps, ridding themselves of some of the freezing snow that built up on them overnight.

Shuffling along the snow strewn walkway, you attempted to nuzzle your red,  numb nose further into the red, thick scarf that you had tightly wrapped around your neck. It was a gift from your grandma for Christmas, a set along with the  red gloves and beanie hat from the multiple holiday seasons before. The color choice was bright and obnoxious, contrasting against the plain, white background you were walking through in order to get to your destination. 

You scowled as your scarf loosens up and gets caught on the bag on your back, exposing the tiniest bit of your neck to the cold. Pulling your covered hands out of your coat pockets, you clumsily readjusted the woolen armor that was fending you from the bite of winter, making sure that it won’t come loose again on your journey.

A puff of hot air escaped your lips as you quickened your pace, wanting to escape the tormenting weather as soon as possible. As much as you loved snow, the temperature forced you inside for many of the cold days, cowering before the crackling fireplace.

The glass door creaked open as you pushed on it. It was as if it was whining about the weather with you. Letting out a sigh of relief at how warm the interior of the small, local coffee shop was, you make your way towards the back table, where two of your friends were already seated.

“Good Morning, Y/N.” Jeno greeted. The boy’s eyes curves up into crescents at the sight of your nose matching the rest of your attire as you stumbled over to him.

You collapsed onto the old, bouncy sofa opposite him. It let out a low pitched wheeze at the sudden weight as Jaemin, the boy situated next to Jeno, raised an eyebrow at you in amusement. 

“Matching your clothing pieces with your nose?” He asks jokingly, sliding the hot mug of coffee he had ordered for you across the table. You scoffed, prying the thick, knitted gloves off of your fingers. Which were also, a matching red.

“At least I won’t get lost in a snowstorm being this bright.”

Jeno laughed heartily at your retort, earning a weird glance from the group of middle aged women from the table over.

“Let’s get onto this stupid project now, shall we?” You said with a roll of your eyes. Though the small smile you had hanging off your lips gave it away that you didn’t feel annoyed at all.

You had thanked the gods when your history teacher told you that you could choose the people you worked with. You may as well loose your mind if your were put with Chenle and Jisung again. They were fun to be with, yes, but did they do any of the work? Nope. At least Jaemin and Jeno did work.

Pulling a sleek laptop out of the bag you heaved through the snow, you started the discussion about King Philip's War in the 1670s. It was as if the three of you fell through a wormhole once the research started. The warm smell of coffee beans that had once filled the air disappearing as you dived head first into the war between the English Colonists and the Native American Tribes. 

None of you paid attention to the chiming of the bell against the door whenever someone trudged with a trail of snow in their wake, opting to joke around with each other during break times instead.

But when a soft, warm breeze floated through the open door instead of the usual harsh, winter wind, you couldn’t help but look up from the Wikipedia page you were on.

There, standing in front of the fragile glass door, stood a light haired male brushing snow off of his dark coat. The said person met the barista’s eyes and when a smile broke out on his face, you felt the whole temperature of the room rise. 

“Hiya Mark, sorry I’m late. A snowstorm just kicked up outside.” He voiced, an almost honey-like sound filling the air before moving across to the counter.  Mark, the part time barista you had gotten familiar with thanks to the many times you frequented this particular coffee shop, clicked his tongue before meeting his friend. 

“I guess we’ll have to wait it out before leaving, huh?” 

“Does this count as overtime? You should ask your boss and earn some extra cash.” 

“Lee Donghyuck, my boss hesitates when we ask for our paychecks in advance, do you really think he’ll agree?”

“Lee Donghyuck.” You breathed, voice barely a whisper as you processed the name in your head. Snickers were suddenly heard from the boys right in front of you. Snapping your head to glare at them, you found them trying to hide their mouths behind their mugs. 

“What’s so funny?” You asked, taking a sip of your own caffeinated drink. 

“The fact that you’re staring so boldly.” Jaemin stated, a dumb smile you wanted to wipe off on his face. 

“Also, it’s worth mentioning that the redness on your nose spread onto the whole of your face. It’s matching the scarf even more now.” 

It was hard to stop yourself from pulling Jaemin into a headlock right then and there, so you settled for a kick to his shin. As your meddling friend hissed in pain with Jeno laughing into his latte, you felt a pair of eyes on you. Directing your eyes towards the direction, you wanted the creaky floorboards to swallow you whole in that moment. Because Lee Donghyuck had witnessed all of this with a sparkle in his eyes.

The second time you, encountered Lee Donghyuck was on an awfully dreary day. The sun must’ve had a fight with the moon that day because the heavens were crying, sending a heavy shower over your little town. 

Fat tears fell with a dramatic plop, spreading themselves out on the pathways. Lucky ones met with their friends and formed a puddle together, reflecting the sky and reminding everyone with their eyes on the ground about the grey sky above.

It was days like this that made you crave instant noodles. So you took the chance when the clouds seemed like they were starting to calm down from their sobbing fit. You threw on your old, neon green raincoat, which helped very little against harsh rain, and decided to head out to your nearest convenience store.

You danced around the puddles of water, twisting and turning in order to save your sneakers and jeans from getting wet. The last thing you wanted was the gross feeling of clothing sticking to your skin when it could’ve been avoided.

A pleasant tune flowed from your lips as the dainty bell rang above your head, announcing your entrance to whoever was in the store during the humid weather. 

The unknown song you were humming echoed throughout the mini mart, following your figure as you took your time browsing through the aisles. Your eyes light up the sight of your favorite brand of noodles being in stock before sweeping a bulk bag of five into your arms. Having the goods in your clutch, you make a beeline for the checkout, wanting to start eating as soon as possible.

“Hello, Y/N” The cashier, Renjun, greets as you appear in front of him. You nod in return to his greeting, attention taken by the Chupa Chups that were to the part-timer’s right.

“Were you planning to eat one here?” The Chinese boy asks, settling your food down into a plastic bag. You hum, answering positive to his question. Renjun’s brows then drew together in a crease.

“Unlucky, the rain’s really coming down hard now, our tables and chairs are soaked.”

“What?” You flipped your head around to observe the furniture placed outside, groaning at the sight of water droplets falling onto the smooth surface with no mercy. Your acquaintance pats your arm in pity, handing you your bag.

“I’ll have to wait it out, this stupid jacket won’t do anything against this rain.” 

So you found yourself leaning against the brightly painted exterior walls of the twenty-four hour mart, seeking refuge under the slight overhang as the clouds laughed at your misery. You cursed the weather under your breath, looking up at the heavens with frown on your face. How dare they delay you from eating your warm meal.

A hooded figure that came splashing through the wet conditions suddenly caught your eye and you immediately rose up from your sulking position, eyes on the newcomer in curiosity. You felt a familiar rise in temperature as the hood came off and the person turned to smile brightly at you.

“Terrible day isn’t it?” 

Your eyes turned into saucers as the pleasant voice canceled out the snickers of the harsh clouds above. The boy at the coffee shop had once again slid into your line of vision. 

“Yeah.” You mumbled, stuttering to get the word out. Turning your eyes away from the beaming male, you cringed. Why did you stutter? Why did your voice barely come out louder than a whisper? Why did your ears feel as though they were on fire?

“Nice coat.” Lee Donghyuck mentions casually, glancing at the neon choice with a glint in his eyes.

“It’s just as bright as your scarf from the other day.” 

Great. He remembers. You mentally start beating yourself up, why does the cutest boy in town have to catch you wearing the brightest clothes in your closet every time you meet.

A small smile spreads across Donghyuck’s face. You were embarrassed, it was obvious. The red ears, the way your face scrunched up in regret, it was endearing. 

He’d love to get to know you more.

“Wait here, I’ll be right back.” He says, clumsily pulling his fingers out of the pockets of the thick, dark jacket. You watch, confused as he makes his way into the mart, waving to Renjun as he does. The temperature drops down again as he disappears.

Donghyuck appears again a few moments later, emerging from the little store with a neon green umbrella in his hands. 

“It was the only one they had, I’m not teasing you, I swear.” The boy reminiscent of summer explains, pushing the metal branches up to reveal a frog design on the plastic. Donghyuck steps out into the rain, the frog above his head shielding him from the wet bullets. He motions for you to step under the children’s umbrella with him and because the rain didn’t look like it wanted to stop anytime soon, you did.

Shoulders brushing against each other under the small frog, you were granted a closer look at the breath-taking boy. A quick peek up past your lashes made you realize that the small moles that were spread on his left cheek and his neck formed a familiar constellation you’d see in the night sky. Just when you though he couldn’t get any more ethereal, he did.

“See something you like on my face?” He asks , craning his head to meet your eyes. There it was again, the familiar heat climbing up your neck. 

“I- Uh-”

“You’ve been staring at me the whole time we’ve been together.” His lips rose up in a teasing smirk, adjusting the frog so your shoulder didn’t get wet. 

“Yeah, well, there’s a constellation on your cheek, and people like looking at constellations formed by the stars.”

You were well aware that the babble you had stumbled out made little to no sense. If Jaemin and Jeno were here, they’d be on the floor laughing at your feeble attempts at conversation. 

A rosy hue powders Donghyuck’s cheeks, something you would’ve noticed had you not been wallowing in self-pity. 

“I’ll take that you mean you like looking at my face.” 

The two of you exchange names and numbers at your doorstep (though you already knew his name), agreeing to meet up sometime soon. But as the frog turned back to defend his master from the attack of the rain once again, you noticed how wet his right shoulder was.

Your shoulders was perfectly dry.

The third, fourth, fifth and rest of your encounters were history. The two of you met up often during the last few weeks. You learnt how to hold a decent conversation with the man you oh so adored, you even introduced him to your friends.

“Chenle, Jisung, Jaemin and Jeno, meet Donghyuck. You can call him Hyuck if you’d like.”

“So this is the dude you’ve been gushing to me over text about?”

“Jisung, you better close your trap before I tape it shut.”

And though you didn’t need introducing, you also got close to Mark and Renjun, the people Hyuck claims are the “most closest things he’s got to friends”. Renjun had rolled his eyes at his claim, pulling his same aged friend into a choke hold.

“Yeah right, stop putting on a front, Hyuck. You’d do anything for us.”

You treasured the time you spent with the glowing boy, always feeling as though you were in the middle of summer vacation instead of the winter semester. 

It wasn’t until one day, when the sky sent dainty little crystals down to visit Earth again, when you finally came clean with your feelings for the boy that made it feel like summer whenever he appeared.

It almost felt like deja vu. The sky seemed sick of crying everyday for the last week and, as if an apology, sent fairies that took the form of snowflakes to flutter down make up for the grey weather.

Frost gathered on your glass pane and tinkering sounds could be heard as the fairies bumped into the transparent surface. You watched from the warmth of your bed as a blanket of white started to settle over the town for the second time in a row. The snow fell softly, nudging itself into every nook and cranny. Contrasting against the soft, sparkling background, a hurrying figure that donned a bright red scarf caught your eye.

You blew you nose for what felt like the hundredth time within the hour before throwing the scrunched tissue into the bin, where a pile had been forming. It landed just as Hyuck burst into your cosy room, shaking stray snowflakes out of his coffee colored hair. 

“Hyuck, my carpet’s gonna get wet.” You croaked between your sniffles, already reaching for another piece of tissue. 

“I had to get the medicine to a certain bedridden person asap, didn’t have time to shake it all off before entering.” The boy you grown fond of states, unwrapping the thick scarf you had lent to him. 

Scoffing, you hid a blossoming smile underneath the tissue you prepared to blow your nose in. Acting like you were annoyed, you said,

“Well, if a certain person didn’t start a snowball fight yesterday, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Hey! You definitely started it first, I saw you roll the first ball.” He retorted childishly, flinging the box of pills onto your lap. Shrugging off the same jacket he wore on the day you first met, he wanders off into your kitchen, returning with a glass of water.

“Take your medication then get some rest. I’ll go make some soup, yeah?” 

You grunt in response, receiving the glass Donghyuck offered you gratefully. He ruffles your hair before shuffling out of your room, making sure to close the door softly behind him.

Obediently, after swallowing the tasteless pill, you snuggle back under your blanket and lull yourself into a dreamless sleep. Falling asleep in peace knowing that Hyuck was now out of the cold.

You awoke to Donghyuck gently shaking you, fluttering your eyes open to the boy sitting on the edge of your bed with steaming bowl of chicken soup in his hands. 

“Good morning, your highness.” He says as you sit up, the bed creaking from the shift of weight. 

“Care for some soup?” 

Laughter fills the air as you reach for the ceramic bowl. Instead of passing the bowl to you, Hyuck spoons up some of the hearty liquid and presses it to your lips. 

Hesitantly, you accept this offer, though you were arguing as you did.

“Hyuck, give me the bowl, I have hands!”

“You’re sick, I don’t want your shaky hands to spill what I’ve spent the last few hours on.”

“I’m a grown person-”

“Says the person who threw a snowball at me first.”

Pouting, you turn your gaze out the window in mock annoyance. Donghyuck blows on the next spoonful before bringing it in front of you again, afraid that it was still too hot.

Giving in, you allow your friend to spoon feed you and slowly, the bowl became empty. The second Donghyuck placed the bowl down, you pull him down onto the bed with you, screaming in joy as he yelled out in fright.

“What the hell, Y/N?!”

“If I’m sick, you’re getting sick with me!” You announced, rolling around with the boy still in your embrace.

“Let go, I’m warning you!” Hyuck exclaims before his hands wiggled against your sides, resulting in a hysterical laughter bubbling out of you.

The squabble continued on for a while, the two of you messing with each other until your seemingly endless energy finally gave out. Flopping back onto your mattress, the two of you laid side by side, taking in big breaths to calm down from the laughing fit.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever thought of dating anyone?”

Hyuck’s question caught you off guard. Your eyes widened and your breath suddenly gets caught in your throat.

“Of course I have, why?” You ask, propping yourself up to face him.

Donghyuck sits up and looks at the wall opposite the bed. He was fiddling with his t-shirt, bunching it up around his fingers and letting it loose again only to repeat the action.

“The person you think about dating, can it be me?”

His confession came out rushed, his voice unusually quiet and the air silent afterwards.

Again, you felt it. The burning ears, the reddening cheeks and the tingling neck. The feeling when you first met the golden boy, it was still there. 

It never left.

So you crawled up in front of Donghyuck, cupped his equally burning cheeks and brought his face up to meet your eyes.

“I mean, you don’t have to give me a reply now, I just- I just want you to think about the possibility because I really, really like you and-”

“I’ve always thought you talked too much.” You giggled, placing your forehead against his. 

“I’ll date you.”

It was felt his breath hitch and saw his eye widen, the gleam you’ve grown to love sparkling as he processed your words.

“Really? Oh my god, you don’t have to feel pressured just because I asked, I just saw Jaemin holding your hand the other day and got jealous and wanted you to think about me as well-”

“Shut up, Hyuck. I’m not pressured to do anything. I like you.”

Donghyuck let out a excited screech before peppering your face with kisses. He pulls you back down on the bed, a big, bright smile that could rival your scarf on his face.

“Don’t kiss me or you’ll really get sick.” You warned against your new boyfriend’s chest.

“I’ll do what I want.” The boy reminiscent of summer tells you, giddy with happiness.

“You’ll have to look after me anyways.”

“Sunflower, I have class now, you’re going to have to let me go.”

“But you’re warm.” You wine, nuzzling your numb nose into your boyfriend’s arm.

Mark scrunches his face up in distaste as he passes by the table you were situated at in the coffee shop. Jaemin and Jeno both had equally grossed out expressions etched on their face. 

“Alright, but if I fail Physics, I’m blaming you.” Hyuck scolds playfully, placing a gentle peck on the crown of your head.

“Gross. Is it bad if I miss single Hyuck and single Y/N?”

“When they’re doing things like this out in public? No.”

[kylorenpunk]

Well I challenged @masonjar828 to do this ask meme like 200 years ago and he challenged me back but I’ve been busy so here we are. 

200: My crush’s name is: don’t have one. men suck. 199: I was born in: Mickey Mouse’s lair aka Orlando 198: I am really: trying not to make a self deprecating joke rn 197: My cellphone company is: Not being disclosed bc I don’t need stalkers 196: My eye color is: brown 195: My shoe size is: 8. I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be taller than I am bc of that shoe size 194: My ring size is: Uh no idea. Maybe 9? 193: My height is: Five foot three inches 192: I am allergic to: A couple of antibiotics but that’s it  191: My 1st car was: 1995 Honda Accord. RIP Goldeen. 190: My 1st job was: Technically I was an assistant for an occupational therapy clinic that paid me under the table. My first paid job was a pool attendant for a hotel.  189: Last book you read: My professor’s shitty textbook.  188: My bed is: currently unmade.  187: My pet: doesn’t exist. Bro is allergic to the entire animal kingdom 186: My best friend: I have multiple and love them all very much  185: My favorite shampoo is: Just recently bought a new shampoo from OGX (coconut curls I think?)  184: Xbox or ps3: xbox 183: Piggy banks are: Not a bad concept. I have upgraded to using mason jars to save money  182: In my pockets: Not wearing pockets atm. Usually I only carry my phone tho 181: On my calendar: Is a bunch of doctor’s appointments 180: Marriage is: Fantastic with the right person 179: Spongebob can: ??? do whatever he wants? idk what op was thinking 178: My mom: is great and shouldn’t have to deal with my shit 177: The last three songs I bought were? I haven’t bought music in over two years. Spotify is my life. 176: Last YouTube video watched: I watch so many a day that I forgot what I last watched.  175: How many cousins do you have? 5 on paternal side. 3 on maternal. But I’m hispanic so it’s def more than immediate family  174: Do you have any siblings? 1 and he’s a pain but I love him 173: Are your parents divorced? nope. fun fact. I used to think divorce was normal as a child and wondered when I would get a second set of parents.  172: Are you taller than your mom? No I’m like 4 inches shorter 171: Do you play an instrument? is mayonnaise an instrument 170: What did you do yesterday? future job training and watched my brother [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: Lust at first sight  168: Luck: kinda 167: Fate: sure 166: Yourself: a lot more than I used to  165: Aliens: why not 164: Heaven: in a way 163: Hell: sure 162: God: the catholic in me says yes 161: Horoscopes: yes and no  160: Soul mates: tough question. 21 year old me would have said yes. 23 me is on the fence. Maybe for other people but I don’t really believe it for myself.  159: Ghosts: I love ghost walks so I hope they’re real 158: Gay Marriage: Of fucking course 157: War: No 156: Orbs: Isn’t this the same as ghosts? 155: Magic: No  [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Either one has it’s benefits 153: Drunk or High: Never been high so I guess drunk  152: Phone or Online: they mean the same thing now 151: Red heads or Black haired: dark hair 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 149: Hot or cold: hot  148: Summer or winter: summer 147: Autumn or Spring: spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: depends. rn I want vanilla 145: Night or Day: day 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: doesn’t matter. I feel more myself with straight hair tho 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald’s  141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk  140: Mac or PC: pc. Apple is a peice of shit.  139: Flip flops or high heals: heals 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: this is a weird question 137: Coke or Pepsi: depends on whether it’s a can, glass or on ice 136: Hillary or Obama: lol was this made in 2008 135: Burried or cremated: not sure. i wanna say burried tho 134: Singing or Dancing: I’m bad at both 133: Coach or Chanel:  neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who 131: Small town or Big city: small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target  129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: ben stiller 128: Manicure or Pedicure: pedicure. my hands never last 127: East Coast or West Coast: east  126: Your Birthday or Christmas: christmas bc I can see my family 125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers 124: Disney or Six Flags: six flags despite the fact that i’ve never been 123: Yankees or Red Sox: I don’t give a shit about sports [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: dumb 121: George Bush: dumb 120: Gay Marriage: I’m hoping for a day where the LGBTQ+ community is no longer discrimated against 119: The presidential election: dumb 118: Abortion: No woman should be denied a right to abortion  117: MySpace: yeah this was made in 2008 116: Reality TV: dumb 115: Parents: great wonderful  114: Back stabbers: dumb 113: Ebay: useful 112: Facebook: kinda useful 111: Work: a necessity 110: My Neighbors: I don’t talk to them 109: Gas Prices: could be lower 108: Designer Clothes: I don’t care 107: College: a scam but education is worth it 106: Sports: depends on the sport 105: My family: great wonderful 104: The future: idk [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: yesterday 102: Last time you ate: when I started this thing 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: last month 100: Cried in front of someone: Two weeks ago 99: Went to a movie theater: going tonight 98: Took a vacation: three years ago. going soon tho 97: Swam in a pool: I don’t even remember.  96: Changed a diaper: never 95: Got my nails done: a year and a half ago 94: Went to a wedding: a year and a half ago 93: Broke a bone: never 92: Got a peircing: three years ago 91: Broke the law: probs when I was underage drinking 90: Texted: yesterday [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: all of my friends 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: free food and family 87: The last movie I saw: toy story 4 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: starting my career job 85: The thing im not looking forward to: taxes being taken out of my paycheck 84: People call me: Karina, Kari or Rina 83: The most difficult thing to do is: let go of someone in your life 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope 81: My zodiac sign is: cancer 80: The first person i talked to today was: no one. Update my boss just called lol 79: First time you had a crush: 1st grade lmao 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: myself 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: uh recently I think  76: Right now I am talking to: Romantic? no one Normally? No one lmao  75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I’m grown but I’m not disclosing my job on here 74: I have/will get a job: already have one 73: Tomorrow: I’m working 72: Today: I’m cleaning 71: Next Summer: No idea 70: Next Weekend: no idea 69: I have these pets: no I don’t 68: The worst sound in the world: styrofoam 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mother 66: People that make you happy: family and friends 65: Last time I cried: Thursday 64: My friends are: cool great wonderful 63: My computer is: working 62: My School: I’m graduated 61: My Car: I need to wash today 60: I lose all respect for people who: have no respect 59: The movie I cried at was: toy story 4 58: Your hair color is: brown 57: TV shows you watch: Sabrina, jane the virgin 56: Favorite web site: twitter 55: Your dream vacation: new york 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: wisdom teeth 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium rare 52: My room is: a mess 51: My favorite celebrity is: chris evans 50: Where would you like to be: on vacation 49: Do you want children: yes 48: Ever been in love: three times. Ironically only one was with someone I actually dated 47: Who’s your best friend: I have multiple 46: More guy friends or girl friends: good mixture of both 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: makeup 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: a few 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: hell no 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: not a physical list 41: Have you pre-named your children: kinda 40: Last person I got mad at: no disclosing 39: I would like to move to: the smokey mountains 38: I wish I was a professional: MUA [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: lifesaver gummies 36: Vehicle: hondas 35: President: obama 34: State visited: TN 33: Cellphone provider: ATT 32: Athlete: n/a 31: Actor: i can’t choose 30: Actress: cant choose 29: Singer: can’t choose 28: Band: currently little mix 27: Clothing store: rip charolette russe 26: Grocery store: publix is the only acceptable floridian answer 25: TV show: jane the virgin 24: Movie: high school musical 23: Website: twitter 22: Animal: meerkat 21: Theme park: busch gardens 20: Holiday: halloween 19: Sport to watch: soccer  18: Sport to play: none 17: Magazine: n/a 16: Book: eragon 15: Day of the week: friday 14: Beach: n/a 13: Concert attended: hannah montana? 12: Thing to cook: beans 11: Food: rice 10: Restaurant: taco bell 9: Radio station: n/a 8: Yankee candle scent: n/a 7: Perfume: anything fruity 6: Flower: rose? 5: Color: pink or blue 4: Talk show host: ellen 3: Comedian: n/a 2: Dog breed:  black lab 1: Did you answer all these truthfully?  wouldn’t you like to know

[littlefeatherr]

Prompt fill for @maroucia : Mail-order bride modern AU. In a modern Westeros, the North is much poorer than the South and Sansa is lured by all the riches and temptations of the south and so, she decides to offer herself as a mail-order bride. Of course, she catches Sandor’s eyes who himself has turned to the idea because he hates dating seeing that his face is burned and all, but he still would like to find a wife. Read more below or on AO3 here.

Chapter 1

Settling down with a mug of tea, Sansa needed to take a break from job hunting. Opening her tablet, she decided to indulge her favorite escape: perusing vacation blogs, pretending she was planning a visit to the southern countries of Westeros.

While the south was full of cities bustling with diversity, plenty of jobs to be had for the asking, and mild weather, the north never recovered from the war. And the ten year winter season was a burden itself.

The poor economy denied basic resources for northerners, especially since King Joffrey placed tariffs on all the products exported from there as part of a trade war. In the past year, many industries closed. And families that Sansa had known all her life were moving away.

Since her father passed away five years back, there had been huge financial burdens on the family, and Sansa couldn’t bring herself to leave them. So she settled on a local university to continue her dream of becoming a custom dressmaker.

Bran’s snowboard accident happened not long after; in-home physical therapy and medical bills further strained the family funds. Sansa had to quit school and work two jobs. Since their mother spent her time working and caring for Bran, Arya and Rickon grew wilder by the day. Winter had come with a vengeance for the Starks.

Sleet rattled against the windows, shaking her of her recollections. Gods, what she wouldn’t do to be on a southron beach right now. She was determined to reach her dreams, one way or another. She just needed a plan. 

Sansa tapped her finger on the bookmark of her favorite blog. Escape to the warm, sun-kissed beaches of King’s Landing! Sansa wished for nothing more.  Life seemed so carefree for the people who lived there. The sight of the wealthy, young, tanned and fit men and women frolicking in the waves sent a pang of envy through her.

Sansa couldn’t remember the last time she had a vacation, could barely remember a time when she felt the effortless contentment in the people smiling back at her through the screen of her tablet.

Eagerly she moved onto the second one. The beautiful shores of Port Lannisport, one of the largest, richest cities of Westeros. Come to visit and see it’s prosperity for yourself!

More beautiful, tanned people, Sansa complained inwardly. This time they were wearing swimsuits that barely covered their most intimate places, enjoying champagne under burgundy and gold cabanas of the exclusive Casterly Rock Club.

Yes, Casterly Rock Club was very elegant, but she would feel too out of place there if they even allowed shabby northerners into the place. Every one of the guests was surgically enhanced and dripping in gold and diamond jewelry.

Swallowing hard, her hand instinctively went to the silver and sapphire direwolf charm at her neck, the last nameday gift she had received from her late father. It was a reminder of better times, and the ones she prayed to the gods were ahead for her. She fingered it while whispering a quick prayer to her father before tapping on the next bookmark.

Shop the opulent Lannisport Outlet Mall, your one-stop destination to luxury!   Oh, she would much rather visit there! Ever since she was a little girl, Sansa loved embroidery, sewing, and designer clothing.

The scenes showed happy families laughing while eating southern delicacies, bringing up a bitter lump in her throat. Young people in the latest summer fashions carried designer Dornish leather handbags as they shopped and flirted under a shaded canopy.

Wrinkling her nose, Sansa glanced down at her sweats and ratty sweater. When was the last time she went shopping? Aside from The Wall Mart, there weren’t many places to shop near Winterfell - and none of them fashionable. She would definitely need to do some serious online retail therapy if she ever visited Port Lannisport.

Faintly Sansa could hear her mother speaking to someone. On to the next region, she said to herself as she tucked her feet under her legs.

Visit the rugged hills of the Westerlands, the richest lands in Westeros. A landscape dotted with golden, rolling plains and caves from which gold and silver mines pour forth deep veins in astonishing quantities. Abundant gemstones and precious metals mean lower prices on all your jewelry needs!

With widened eyes, Sansa clicked on the pictures of black fertile fields, apple orchards, Pinot grape vineyards, and Black Mission fig tree groves. Further inland lay dense maple forests that opened up to crystal blue lakes and river rapids, reportedly renowned worldwide for whitewater rafting.

Gemstones of all kinds, gold and silver jewelry, beautiful log homes in the verdant foothills all caught her attention. Oh, she would definitely visit the Westerlands first! The featured delicacies and riches were sensational!

But how could she go? The family barely had enough money to get by; not many opportunities presented themselves as of late. Her gaze fell on a bookmark icon for a mail-order bride broker she had set up months ago. Missandei’s Marriage Brokerage Suite. Let us help you find your perfect match with a beautiful, northern bride of your choosing.

That’s one way to get south. And if I’m chosen, I could put my husband’s fee in a trust for Bran. From what Sansa had seen on the website, Lannisport and King’s Landing was teeming with beautiful women, but the farming areas surrounding them were not heavily populated. The men there depended on agriculture and vacationers for their incomes – jobs that left little time for meeting potential partners.

Her mother’s voice pulled her out of her fantasies - and back to the dreary reality of life. Stern Aunt Lysa was impatiently tapping her foot; Sansa had been so caught up in her musings that she didn’t realize she’d entered the room.

“Sansa, are you daydreaming again? Put down the tablet for a moment, please.”

Her mother had a way of saying “please” that sounded anything but polite, especially when she was about to lecture to one of her children.

No wonder Arya and Bran are nowhere to be found. Suppressing a sigh, Sansa braced herself and turned to face them.

“I cannot understand for the life of me why you haven’t yet settled down with someone and moved out,” Catelyn began. “I was married for four years at your age.”

“Mother-“

“It’s all I can do to keep Winterfell let out, and food on the table for Arya and Rickon, and Bran with all the medical bills, I can’t afford to feed you too.“

“Mother, I know,” Sansa struggled to remain respectful. Ever since she turned eighteen, this had become a well-worn topic between them, and at twenty, Sansa had already said all she had to say on the subject. 

Enter Aunt Lysa.

“That is why I started college,” Sansa pulled her mother close, “so I could make real money, not just the little I bring doing housekeeping and selling on Etsy.”

“And what good did it do you? You knew from the start that we could ill afford it, but you were determined to waste what little money your father left you on it.“ Aunt Lysa interjected. "And here you are, squandering your days on that damned tablet!”

Her words stung. “I wanted to help the family by having an actual career. I thought maybe I could open a clothing store and help the local economy, but there aren’t any opportunities here.” Sansa stepped away and wrung her hands.

Exasperated, Aunt Lysa shook her head. “Always with the dreams. Well, it’s time you grew up. Take your educated self south, Miss.”

“I would love to go, but since I, as you say, wasted my money on education, I don’t have a way.”

Aunt Lysa and her mother exchanged a look. "Uncle Petyr lives in King’s Landing in the famed Red Keep and he’s offered to take you in. You could work with his showgirls’ costumes-“

Tears stung Sansa’s eyes, for this, too, was a familiar and unpleasant topic between the three of them.

“No, absolutely not! He’s not my uncle, so I wish you both would stop with that! And they aren’t showgirls, Aunt Lysa, they’re sex workers!”

"Ungrateful child!” Aunt Lysa sputtered. “This family has no better friend than Petyr, especially since your father and Jon both-”

Sansa rolled her eyes.

“Sansa that is just a terrible rumor started by jealous people trying to discredit him.” Catelyn insisted.

“So that’s the official party line he has you two repeating.“

Catelyn gaped at her, but Sansa went on, “He’s always staring at me in the grossest way. Sending me friend requests on my social media. He’s a stalker.“

“Sansa, that’s your college third wave feminism talking! Petyr is old-fashioned, and he’s not about to hide that he’s interested in you. What’s wrong with that?” Aunt Lysa fumed.

“What’s wrong is that I’ve made it clear that I don’t want his attention - and yet he refuses to take no for an answer!” Sansa set her jaw. “If you like him so much, why don’t you go live with him and leave me alone?”

Catelyn pinched Sansa’s arm. “By the gods, Sansa, you can be just as willful as Arya at times!”

She jerked away from her. 

“You don’t have many options. So, it’s either go with your Uncle Petyr, young lady, or get in touch with a marriage brokerage.”

“A marriage brokerage? To offer myself as a mail order wife?” Sansa’s nervously considered the possibility. It was an honorable way to find a husband and definitely a good opportunity…

“Petyr offered to do it himself, but I don’t like your attitude, so you just do it on your own!” Aunt Lysa hissed. "Just go on and become a mail order bride on one of those bargain sites and see what kind of monster you end up with!”

“Whoa, wait just a minute - Petyr offered to buy me outright, didn’t he?!” Sansa shouted. “And not just for my sewing skills!”

Catelyn side eyed her. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Mother-”

“I married your father as a mail-order bride.” Her mother arched her brow.

Great, another guilt trip.

“And I married your Uncle Jon as one, the Seven rest him.” Aunt Lysa added, even though Sansa had turned her back to her. “You have a duty to your family. It’s time you made good on it.”

“We need the money, Sansa, and there aren’t many prospects up here-“ her mother gestured to the shabby conditions around them, “and Bran and Arya and Rickon need me. What would you have me do?”

“Stop being so selfish, Sansa!” Aunt Lysa shouted.

“Good gods, Aunt Lysa, even the marriage agencies give women the right to choose their husbands!”

Squeezing her eyes shut, Sansa fought to calm her temper and think rationally. Perhaps if I joined up with one of the free sites, I will find a nice man, settle in with him and who knows? Love might follow. It worked out pretty well for my mother. Less so for my aunt.

Biting her lip, Sansa thought it over. Could she really muster up the courage to reach out to a strange man? To be his wife, and share his bed? 

Sansa had already looked at a few sites, and they didn’t seem so bad; each one had ways and means to ensure successful matches. The only caveat was the marriage had to be consummated the day of the wedding, and if they didn’t get along by the end of the trial period, Sansa would need to return the money - and to the north.

Excitement and a bit of fear took hold of her, while Sansa’s silence increased her mother’s unease.

“Stop that lip nibbling, Sansa, it’s unladylike and a disgusting habit you picked up from Arya. So what will it be: go stay and work with Uncle Petyr, or become a mail order bride?”

Sansa had so little ownership of her own life since her father died. Yet today she would regain control, snatch it out of thin air, all for herself.

“Fine, Mother, I’m going to do it my way. I’ll meet with a marriage brokerage as soon as possible.”

Without a word, she picked up her tablet and left the room, leaving her mother crying over her ungrateful daughter and her aunt harping on her duty to the family.

[promisedangel]

Cedar Point Vs. Kings Island- Haunt

This year, as my group’s last hurrah of our spring/summer of coasters (we went to a total of five parks throughout the year), we attended the Haunts at both Kings Island and Cedar Point in back to back weekends. Time to see which of Cedar Fair’s Ohio parks has the superior spooks.

First Impressions/Park Front

Kings Island: The first thing you’re bound to see is that the fountains have turned red and occasionally spout fire. Then you see the Eifle Tower have giant red eyes staring down at you. Then you realize the entire park is filled with creepy music and deep fog effects. Fantastic

Cedar Point: You see a bunch of pumpkins at the top of the main entrance. You see they turned the water in Ocean Motion (called Ocean Potion during this time) a green color. You can see some fog effects but it never becomes as thick. While you walk down the midway, you see a lot of skeleton and tomb decorations, while some are awesome, they don’t particularly scare. There is some music, but it’s more spookish songs than creepy music.

Winner: Kings Island. Better theming hands down to get you into the spooks. Cedar Point is probably the more kid-friendly of the two parks, as the spooks are more inclined for kids.

Scare Zones

Kings Island: Spread throughout the park were four scare zones; Coney Maul, Wasteland, Dance of the Macabre, and Pumpkin Eater. Macabre was small and not as interactive this year, as there wer actors in only corners of the tower. Wasteland wasn’t as good this year, too. However, Coney Maul and Pumpkin Eater helped ALL of that. These two zones had awesome theming and the number of props for Pumpkin Eater alone was astonishing. It really gave off this vibe of a great pumpkin patch with scares hiding in its depths. Meanwhile Coney Maul is a haunted carnival, excellent in its execution and even the props got a scare from us. Because these zones were all spread out, though mostly around the left side of the park, you can go around most of them. However, you needed to go through at least one to get to a couple of rides.

Cedar Point: The scare zones are; Harvest Fear, Trail of the Forsaken, and Tombstone Terror-tory. The lack of scare zones is made up by the fact there are more outdoor confined haunted houses my friends and I like to call ‘Scare Trails’, but I’m grouping those in with the haunted houses. All outdoor scare zones are pushed to the back of the park. You absolutely cannot reach Maverick or Steel Vengence without going through a scare zone or two, especially on Friday because the train wasn’t running. This puts the major spooks in the back of the park, meaning you have to walk at least ten minutes to reach the first area. Sadly because of the rain and our group’s timing, we never got to see how Harvest Fear was. Despite this, actors in the other zones proved to catch us off guard once or twice with some things to hide behind, including fog. Not as many props as Kings Island, but it’s probably just so they don’t crowd the walkways.

Winner: Kings Island. Cedar Points scare zones feel all claustrophobic with barely any room to breathe since they’re all in the back of the park. While the ones in Kings Island felt stretched out despite three of them being relatively small in size. Yet, what they lack in size they make up in theming and good actors. My absolute favorite would have to be Pumpkin Eater.

Haunted Houses

Kings Island: The houses here are; Kill Mart, Backwoods Bayou, Blackout, Field of Screams, Madame Fatale’s Cavern of Terror, Chaos, Slaughter House, Urgent Scare, and Wolf Pack. Some were meh, but some were very good. Shout out to Urgent Scare and Slaughter House for upping their game this year. Field of Screams is CONSISTENTLY good, but try to get there early as the line can get VERY long for it. Chaos was new this year and while I felt it was good, felt like something was missing to push it into great.

Cedar Point: The houses here are; Deprivation, Fearground Freakshow, G.A. Boeckling’s Eerie Estate, Hexed: Light’s Out, Slaughter House, Zombie High School, Blood on the Bayou, Cornstalkers, and Cut Throat Cove. Shout out to Deprivation and Hexed for doing some very interesting things. Also, I should mention that Hexed, Zombie High School, and one other one (can’t remember) all have daytime versions for the kids and those with less scare tolerance to enjoy. This is a REALLY great idea to get kids aclimatted to such an envrionment, and my group and I were talking about such an idea while exploring Kings Island. This should be implemented in every Cedar Fair park.

Winner: This time I’m giving it to a single attraction, rather than a park. Cedar Point’s Deprivation. We only got to experience it once throughout our two days, but every single actor got us on our way through. We even ran into another group near the end. And for some reason, they had a chainsaw dude at the end WHO ENDED UP CHASING ME! T.T Why do the chainsaw guys always go after me?

Actors

Kings Island: This year Kinds Island upped their game with its actors. They brought in more actors to man the attractions. I remember last year Field of Screams had this room where you could have 3 actors and yet there was only one. This year there were FOUR actors and most of them got us. Some of them seemed tired as we got to them (Backwoods Bayou), although some attractions that were meh last year were made great by the actors going all out (Slaughterhouse). There was also this guy in Coney Maul with a ventriloquist dummy that we had fun watching and interacting with. We watched as he climbed up on one of the ledges of the flower beds and sneak behind these three girls who were on their phones. He got them so well, one of them almost dropped her phone. There was also this woman in Dance of the Macabre sitting at a table. Four 12 or 13 year olds were trolling her, so she just screamed at them and they ran away. It was great.

Cedar Point: Special mention here to the actors who were skulking through the LONG line for Fearground Freakshow. My tall brony friend decided to troll the actors with this lovely exchange:

Friend: Sorry guys, but you’re not the biggest freak here (Proudly display his Rainbow Dash t-shirt under his jacket) I’m a brony. I belong in there.

Actor: (gives a look) Wow... I feel sorry for you.

My friends and I busted up laughing. We actually did a lot more trolling with the actors at Cedar Point, but we ended up getting comeuppance for the trolling a number of times. Actors in the manor were also good at misdirection and got us good. While the actors in Zombie High School didn’t go for us, they did go for the group of teenage girls behind us (prime scare targets) and gave me a good bit of entertainment.

Winner: Unfortunately, I have to give this one a tie. The actors at both parks were a lot of fun so I can’t decide.

Miscellaneous (annoyances)

Kings Island- I don’t know why, but barely any drink refill station was open. I remember my friends and I walked around the entire park just to find the one near the Coney Maul was the only standalone station open that we could find. We COULD have gone to a restaurant, but many of them had long lines and we only wanted a drink.

Cedar Point- The drink problem followed to an extent, but with arguably more food placed, the drink situation wasn’t as dire.

No winner here.

And by a 2-0-1, the overall winner is none other than Kings Island! If you still have time and you can make the drive, I’d recommend Kings Island for your spooks and thrills in an amusement park this year!

[benbarnesescape]

Rules

Warnings: 18+. Unprotected sex (don’t be silly wrap that willy), bad language. If you’re not 18 you gotta go to the kids table until you are (sorry ‘tis the law)

A/N: This was inspired by Dua Lipa’s song Rules and for @starless-skyox for my B. Russo prompt challenge. I had to write vulnerable Billy even if he’s an asshole. There’s just something about men who you know aren’t good for you….

“Oh Billy…”

Your nails claw down his back as your legs wrap around his waist, drawing him deeper into you. Both your sex fills his nostrils as he bites down on your neck, catching that sensitive area of skin that has you moaning out his name in approval.

You both had been fooling around for months. It had started out as something casual. An old friend of Curtis, Billy knew of you. Knew that Curtis would do anything for you just like you would do anything for him. You both had grown up in the old neighborhood together. When Curtis had introduced you both to meet for quick drinks at happy hour one Friday night, one drink became two drinks which became karaoke, then dancing, followed by street shawarma with more drinks.

When you had woken up in his bed the next morning – you had been petrified. You were married. Sure, your husband was dull and boring. Sure, the sex was bad. Sure, maybe you had married him because it was your mothers dying wish before she gave into the cancer that had been killing her for years. Cheating was cheating. You told him such.

That was of course, after you had fucked him senseless on his kitchen counter. Before you had sucked him off so good, he had almost passed out from his orgasm.

Yet you still called and when you did, he was more than eager to meet you.

You were both addicted to each other. Sex was just sex.

You had even defined three rules to ensure that it stayed that way. To ensure that this just stayed sex – nothing emotional. Just sex.

That was what he told himself as he felt your body shake under his own, feeling the way your walls fluttered around his cock as you bite your lip, your eyes rolling back in ecstasy before he released himself in you, his body shaking just as uncontrollably as your own.

It was just sex.

You both lay together in your post coitus bliss, his head laying gently on your chest before you’re pushing him away softly. Too soon.

“Told Bryon I was running to the store for ice-cream and now I have to come up with an excuse to why I’m late.”

You swing out of bed all too quickly, looking around the room for your underwear and jeans.

“Run to the corner mart.”

You snort as you shimmy into the tough material, before you’re scurrying around for your bra.

“Think I haven’t already figured that out.”

Billy smiles before he turns his head, watching you as you throw your shirt on before walking to the mirror in his room. You give an internal sigh at your hair, fresh from sex, before tugging on the hair tie around your wrist as you pull your hair into a ponytail.

He catches your eye in his mirror and your lips tug into a soft smile as you watch each other. Then you shake your head, turning around before saying,

“You know I can’t stay.”

“Never asked you too.”

You walk up to the bed, bending down to place a soft kiss on his lips before whispering,

“Maybe not this time.”

He pulls you down to him, his hands finding your waist easily and you giggle into his mouth as your weight falls on top of him, before his lips are skimming down your neck.

“Say halfway to the store you got called into work. Stay a little longer.”

“Billy…” You groan as you pull away and he sighs, his head falling into the crevice of your neck.  

Rule # 1 – you don’t stay the night. 

You were crystal clear about that. Never bended on it, not after that first time. Yet he pushed.

He always pushed.

He had missed the way it felt to wake up to another warm body, inhaling the way your shampoo filled his nostrils with his arm wrapped over your body, warming you up.

Not because he had feelings. He just wanted to feel that way again. Feel like there was someone else in the world who gave a damn about him.

“Or I could wait for you to call me when you’re ready to be fucked the right way again.” He sighs, pulling away from you and you cast your head to the left, your eyes considering him before saying,

“How about lunch a few days from now? There’s this great new French restaurant that opened by your job. We can have lunch then dessert and that way you don’t have to feel like a used sex slave.”

Billy laughs, trying to bite away the excitement building in his gut. Trying to deny the fact that you never wanted to do something casual, like go to lunch or go out and be seen with him and that he was far too excited to spend time with you outside of bed. Instead, he does what he always does as he caresses your face tenderly. He hides behind a lie.  

“You can always get your husband to buy your meals.”

You nod, rolling off of him,

“I could. But I’d rather this time you do. You are the one, after all, benefiting from dessert.”

You kiss him one last time before pulling from his arms, walking to his bedroom door. You give a small wave,

“Au revoir amore.”

And then you’re gone, like you always are, the faint smell of your perfume the only evidence that you were fever around.

Lunch took too long. When you had shown up to the restaurant, a phone held to your ear as you maneuvered through the intimate space, he knew he was done for. The dark gray dress hitting your curves in all the right places, teasing your cleavage behind the designer blazer he might as well threw in the towel now.  When he saw you, typically in tight jeans and leggings, hair thrown up as you laughed with him you were casual. Light hearted. Fun. The kind of fun girl you imagine taking home and fucking for hours.

Now you were like a runaway model, demanding the room of your presence as you strolled power walked into the room. You walked with confident purpose as you neared him, a large smile on your face as you held up a finger, speaking into the phone at a rapid pace in what was either Arabic or Armenian. His ear was rusty, hadn’t been abroad in a while.  

“What is it that you do again?” he asks naively, aware for the first time that you knew too much about his life but he knew too little of your own.

“I work for the U.N. International Relations Manager. Means you translate and keep the kids away from each other when they get into a bad fight. And hello to you too.” You placed a kiss on his lips that lingers for too long. You’re both aware of it as you pull away, blinking at him.

Neither of you refuse to accept it.

“Got you flowers.”

His hands idly go to the bouquet of tiger lilies to the left of him and your twitch up into a smile as you threw a napkin over your lap, taking the gift and inhaling them softly.

“How’d you know tiger lilies were my favorite?”

He leans back in his chair, thrumming his hand against the table as a waiter comes, asking for your drink order. Billy takes a cool sip of the whiskey he’s already been sipping, trying to navigate his next answer.

“You mentioned them a month back. When we were attempting to watch a movie.”

“You were listening?” you counter and he shrugs,

“Was in the military. You learn to pick up on details.”

The twinkle in your eyes tells him that you don’t believe him, that you believe it’s something else but you don’t voice it. Just watch him curiously.

“Perhaps I should make a more conscious effort to get to know you. Tell me – what was it like growing up in New York?” he’s trying to steer the conversation away from how you were making him nervous.  You lift a skeptical eye though and he knows you don’t buy it. He hopes you don’t challenge him on it.

“You don’t wanna hear about that. And honestly, you don’t have to know me to validate fucking me on the side…” You allow yourself to drift and he leans onto the table, his elbows propping up as he balls his hands into a fist.

“Yea I do. I know about as much as Curtis told me about you and you know way too damn much about me. I’d like to fix that.”

Rule #2 – you would learn as little about each other as possible.

Helped ward off feelings of attachment. You both worked hard for that. He was a naturally private person as were you.

But when you were around someone so much, no matter how hard one tried, it was inevitable to pick up little things about them. What made them smile. How they grew up. What motivated them. He was curious about you now, knowing that you were a UN officer. Intrigued. His thirst for needing to know all the details outweighing the need to lie to himself.

You give a slow nod, watching him as you take a long sip of water before shrugging.

“Okay, but this is just to make things even. Doesn’t mean anything else okay?”

He nods and you sigh, gesturing for the waiter to pour you another glass of wine.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything.” He says simply

He listens, his dark eyes bearing into you as he watches you as you dive into your autobiography

This was different. It was different in the way you laughed as you sat back in your chair, allowing the white wine to consume your senses. The way you brushed hair out of your face as your eyes eagerly told him tales of growing up, your hands moving from nervously playing with your napkin to know moving around you in an animated fashion. The way you sit up in your chair, crossing those legs he knew like to wrap around his waist when he was plowing into you deeply, as you bite your lip, sharing things he knows you normally would keep to yourself.

This was different because he was seeing you beyond the woman who he just wanted to fuck. Now he was seeing you as something else – someone who grew up with an abusive stepfather and a mother who drank herself to death. Someone who was the youngest of seven kids and had to step up at an early age to support the family. Someone who had found a way out of a shit show family situation only to be forced into a loveless marriage. Bryon – the insurance carrier who had you had known your whole life and eventually married because toward the end of your mother’s sickness, was one of the few things that gave her peace.

The way you felt like you were alone in this busy world, standing amidst a crowd screaming for help only to fall on silent ears.

You were like him. And that small ache deep in the back of his heart, the one that had always told him that he was going to be alone, chips a bit.

When you’re done, realizing that he hasn’t responded you begin to nervously begin to fiddle with your napkin again, wringing the tough fabric in your hand.

“Sorry to dump that all on you.” You finally say after you take a long swig of your wine, finishing the cup and he shakes his head, reaching out for your hand. The movement takes you both off guard and he shakes his head, trailing circles on your exposed hand,

“Don’t apologize about being you. Not to me or anyone us. Most of us fill the same way but would never admit it.”

You quirk your head to the side, watching the way his lean fingers play against your skin and you look back up at him, eyes lust blown as you clear your throat. He had pushed too much. Got too intimate. You were pushing him away as you shrugged out of your jacket, exposing your shoulders and allowing him a better view of your cleavage.

“Where’s the nearest bathroom?” you ask and he can’t help his eyes from wandering between your eyes and your chest.

“Behind me in the back. To your left.”

“Family restroom?” you ask and he nods as you pull from him, ceasing the intimate contact as you stand to straighten out your dress. Then you walk toward him, bending down quickly to whisper,

“Meet me in 5?”

“I’ll see you in three.” His eyes are fixed on your face as you smile, noting the way two dimple dig deep into your cheeks before he feels your fingers grazing over your shoulder as you walk past him.

The fuck was wrong with him. He waited a beat, before straightening out and buttoning his jacket.

This was just sex.

He never realized how lush your lips were. It was all he could think of as you pulled him to the back seat of his car –  his $600,000-dollar car he reminded himself – laughing as your lips fall on his neck, drawing a low moan out of him.

You’re both drunk. Way to damn drunk. You were both technically supposed to be inside, celebrating with friends and strangers the start of a new year. Your husband was inside. Curtis was inside. Neither of you gave two fucks. The minute you walked into Anvil in the glittery, tight fitting number he knew he was going to fuck you. His eyes had undressed you the minute you waved at him, walking over with someone a bit smaller than you, my gangly in your presence.

You’re husband. Things clicked the minute you introduced him. He understood why a woman like you – a woman full of passion and adventure – had to get away from someone like that.  Understood why you choose a job that required you to be away most of the year. Understood why you ignored your phone when he called or texted. Understood why you had cheated on the sad man in the first place.

He was an ant trying to carry a goddess.

It had been six months and while he hadn’t tried to be sentimental, it had slipped out while you were both in bed.

“Come to my New Year’s Eve party?” he whispered against your hair, his arms wrapped around you as you nuzzled into his chest. You were going to be gone a month and had forced him to take half a day for work. You were insatiable.

“I’m not your girlfriend.”

He snorts though something bites at his heart. Wishing it wasn’t this way. Confused on why he wanted it.

“Not asking you too. Curtis is coming and he’s not either.”

You laugh, kissing his chest softly before resting your head on his pecks.

“Why do you want me to go?”

“I think it would be fun. Booze, dancing and good company. Come on – tell me you don’t want to go out and have a good time together. It’ll be like the first time we met.”

You sigh but he knows by the smile tugging at your lips he’s got you. He doesn’t admit to himself that he wants you to go because it marks the six months you’d have been together. That would really scare you. Scared the shit out of him when he thought too hard on it. Which is why he lied. To himself, to you.

Lying was how you survived in this world.

Of course, this was the karma for wanting more from you. Now he was stuck with your husband – Brandon was it? – having to listen to him as he dryly droned on about running – one of his hobbies. How he was thinking of expanding your New York home, how he devoted all his time volunteering to fill in the time when you were away for work.

God could the man be more boring.

So it was a little after 11, when people were really starting to feel buzzed and you were leaving the bathroom that he had pulled you into the dark hallway.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he had whispers in your ear and you relax in his grip, wrapping your arms around his neck as you shake your head.

“You scared the shit out of me Billy.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” he runs his lips down your neck causing you to tremble as he mutters against your skin, “Where are you going in such a hurry?”

You laugh, giving him a soft nudge before saying,

“You know my husband is here right?”

“Yea I noticed. Why is he here? I invited you and Curtis. Not you, Curtis and the third boring amigo.”

You laugh, shaking your head and shrugging,

“No way I leave the house looking this good and not have an explanation. Besides I’ve been gone a month in Columbia, he missed me, blah blah blah…”

Billy bites down on your collarbone causing you to yelp and shakes his head.

“This simply won’t do. Can’t have you dissatisfied.”

“Hmmm,” your hands make slow work of his button up shirt, popping each button slowly, “What are you going to do to remedy it.”

He lifts you, carrying you out to his car, a place more private from the wandering eyes inside, throwing you in the back seat as he turns it on. Locking the door to warm the small space up. Had only got so far before you were pulling him in the back seat, your hands greedily reaching for his belt as he lifts your dress up.

“This dress on you,” he ruts up the material high on your belly, taking in the garters you’re wearing and he groans as he rolls back on his knees, taking you in, “Fuck babe, this dress on you should be illegal.”

You give a satisfied smile as his hands roam up your thighs, over the intricate material running down your flesh at it meets in your center before he’s pulling down your underwear, biting his lips. Watching the way you were watching him, your arousal filling up the space and goddamn if that doesn’t do him in, he doesn’t know what will.

He pulls down his briefs quickly, spreading your legs apart as he leans between them, his face barely touching yours as he slowly slides into you, causing you to moan. Then he bends down and he kisses you, his cold lips pressed against your own and you both freeze. Stare at each other for what seems like a century. 

Rule # 3 – No kissing. 

Kissing was intimate. Invited something more. Sure a few pecks down each other’s neck was fine but actual kissing was off limits.

He was breaking all of them now and he knew it.

He’s about to pull away, about to take it back but then your tongue is skimming along his lips, asking them to be opened and he submits, his tongue mingling with yours for the first time. Tasting you. Moaning deeply into your mouth as he lifts your leg, hitting your deeper as his cock grazes across that spot that has you moaning out his name, your hands digging in his hair.

Your other leg wraps around his torso, drawing him closer to you as his hand snakes between your leg, circling your clit. He can feel the way your body starts to shake, succumbing to the pleasure he is giving you as you pull him closer to him, kissing him deeply.

He pulls you up higher, driving into you deeper, a low moan grumbling from his inner chest as you wrench from him, grasping at the leather underneath you as his name fills the air. Your hand rakes down his chest as his forehead leans on yours, lips brushing against each other and he whispers,

“I think I could fall for you.”

You cradle his face, wrenching away from him for a second and shake your head whispering,

“Don’t.”

He doesn’t cease his movement as his hips move faster, more sloppily against you. Doesn’t stop as his hand intertwines with yours, coming inside you as his head falls into the crook of your neck, moaning out your name. You however are still, your head moved to the side as silence starts to fill the car. The sound of people counting down echoing against the crisp night air.

“Forget I said it.” He whispers in your neck, pulling away from you, that part of him that has always kept himself distant starting to harden up again. You’re silent and he looks down at your face, at the way tears glisten in the moonlight and fear grips your heart.

Was the thought of him loving you really that horrible? Was he that unlovable?

“Really, I didn’t mean it.” He tries to get it out in a gruff but he knows it’s more of a whisper and you turn toward him, shaking your head.

“I can’t have you Billy. Just as much as you can’t have me. The sooner you come to terms with that – the easier this can get.”

He’s confused, knows his face is reflecting it and you wipe at your tears before your face cradles him,

“You’re kinda great Billy you know that? Funny. Talented. Successful. Intelligent. Perceptive. But your just as broken as I am. You don’t know how to love. I don’t know how to love. Two broken things don’t make a right. This is fun, what we have but one day you’ll get bored. You’ll find someone else and I’ll go back to my dull existence. Maybe you find a boring, charming girl who can put up with you and your broken soul but it can’t be me. Don’t know how to love you in all the ways you deserve to be loved. Because you do Billy – deserve love. But it can’t me. Don’t get attached to me.”

There’s something about the way your voice hits his ear, the way you look at him before you’re fighting back a sob that tears deeply to his soul.

Because he was you. Knew you. Knew that everything that you were saying was true.

You were two broken souls just looking for someone to put you together. But that couldn’t happen. Too much damage had been done. Far too much.

“Hard to not love someone like you.” He mutters and you laugh, pushing him a bit.

“Billy Russo doesn’t love.”

“And Y/N does?” he challenges back and you shake your head.

“I don’t want to see you after this.”

It tears him. Feels like the air is being sucked out of his lungs slowly, filling up with something dark and twisted that poisons his lungs. He feels alone and vulnerable suddenly. But he knows you’re right.

You had to go. He had to watch you go.

Love like this was dangerous.

“After tonight?” he asks and you nods slowly and he sighs, wiping a strand of hair from your face.

“Only if you come home with me. Just for tonight. Then you can go.”

The only rule you haven’t broken yet. The only one that’s mattered the most.

You don’t hesitate to say yes.

When he wakes up the next morning you’ve left him alone in his bed and you’ve taken his broken heart with you.

[a380flightdeck]

FOR A WHOLE HOST OF REASONS, airports are often bewildering, maddening places. There is much to be found in the modern-day terminal to enrage, confuse, or vex the traveler. Where to begin?

The following list was inspired by a layover I spent not long ago at Incheon International Airport (ICN), serving Seoul, Korea. Not to take away from perennial survey-toppers like Amsterdam’s Schiphol or Singapore’s Changi Airport (amenities at Changi include a movie theater, a swimming pool and a butterfly garden), but Incheon stands as the most functional, attractive, and overall flyer-friendly airport I’ve ever visited. It’s cavernous and immaculate, with a cathedral-like calm throughout. Security and immigration are a breeze; international transit is effortless. The staff at the multilingual information desks are disarmingly helpful. Amenities include free internet, free showers, luggage storage, cellphone rental desks, a post office and massage facilities. Relaxation areas, with sofas and easy chairs, are set away from the main thoroughfares.  There’s a cultural center, a museum, and a full-service hotel inside the secure zone, allowing those with extended layovers to rent a room without the need to clear immigration. Or, if you’re feeling energetic, a tour desk arranges free excursions to Incheon city. If you’re headed into Seoul, the airport’s high-speed rail connection will have you downtown in under an hour. Why can’t every airport be like this?

FIFTEEN THINGS NO TERMINAL SHOULD BE WITHOUT:

1. A fast, low-cost public transportation link to downtown.

In a way, choosing a favorite airport is like choosing a favorite hospital: amenities aside, nobody really wants to be there in the first place, and the easier and faster you can get the hell out, the better. To that end, every terminal should have a public transport links similar to those across Asia and Europe. The examples of Portland, Oregon and Washington-Reagan notwithstanding, rail links in the United States aren’t nearly as convenient – when the exist at all. Or how about JFK, where for hundreds of millions dollars they finally got the AirTrain completed — an inter-terminal rail loop that connects only as far as the Queens subway. It can take 45 minutes, up and down a Rube Goldberg assembly of escalators, elevators and passageways, just to get from one terminal to another, let alone all the way to Manhattan.

2. In-transit capabilities

It’s a shame that American airports cannot, for whatever reasons, recognize the “in transit” concept. In the United States, all passengers arriving from other countries, even if they’re merely passing through on the way to a third country, are forced to clear customs and immigration, collect and re-check their luggage, and pass through security screening. It’s an enormous hassle, unheard of in most of the world. And it costs our airlines millions of annual customers. Why change planes in the US, where you’ll have to stand in three different lines, be photographed and fingerprinted, re-check your bags and face the TSA gauntlet, when instead you can transfer seamlessly in Frankfurt or Dubai? Indeed this is part of what has made carriers like Emirates, Singapore Airlines, and others so successful.

3. Complimentary wireless internet

What do we do at airports? We kill time. And there are few better and more productive ways of killing time than logging on to the Web. Send an email to your mistress, read my blog, Skype your friend in Slovenia. Many, if not most major terminals do have Wi-Fi access, but it’s often expensive and cumbersome (few things in life are more irritating than those credit card payment pages). It should be everywhere, and it should be free.

4. Convenience stores

It appears the evolution of airport design will not be complete until the terminal and shopping mall become indistinguishable. I’m okay with Starbucks and souvenir kiosks, but it’s the saturation of high-end boutiques that always confounds me. Apparently there isn’t a traveler alive who isn’t in dying need of a hundred-dollar Mont Blanc pen, a remote-control helicopter or a thousand-dollar massage chair. And what’s with all the luggage stores? Who on earth buys a suitcase after they get to the airport? What we really need are the same sorts of things we buy at CVS or the corner convenience store: basic groceries and dry goods, stationery, and personal care items. Brussels and Amsterdam are two that do this right, with in-terminal food marts and pharmacies.

5. Power ports

I didn’t realize that passengers have a right—nay, a duty—to mooch electricity from their carrier of choice, but at this point it’s a lost cause to argue. I hope your battery isn’t dying, because good luck finding an outlet that isn’t hooked up already to somebody’s iPhone or computer. Airlines should throw in the towel and build more charging stations.

6. Showers and a short-stay hotel

Another amenity that is common overseas but sorely lacking in North America.  No serious international terminal should be without a place to wash up or crash for a few hours. Passengers arriving from overseas can shower and change before their next connection. Those with longer waits can grab a nap in one of those pay-by-the-hour sleeping pods.

7. Play areas for children

Truth be told, airport play areas encourage toddlers to shriek and yell even more than they already do, but at least they’re doing it in a localized area that’s easy for the rest of us to avoid. Ideally, this spot should be in a soundproofed bubble six miles from the airport, but a space at the far end of the concourse is a reasonable alternative. The Delta terminal in Boston has a pretty cool kidport, but nothing tops the “Kids’ Forest” at Amsterdam-Schiphol. I’d play there myself if nobody was watching.

8. Better dining options — i.e. fewer chain restaurants

Chick-fil-A, Burger King, Sbarro’s. Airport cuisine isn’t a whole lot different from the shopping mall food court. We need more independent restaurants serving actual food, ideally with a local bent.

The next time you’re at LaGuardia, check out the Yankee Clipper restaurant over at the Marine Air Terminal. That’s the circular building at the far southwest corner of the airport, with the art deco doors and flying fish relief along its rooftop. Yankee Clipper is a cafeteria-style place on the left-hand side of the rotunda. It’s good greasy spoon food with absolutely no corporate affiliation. The Marine Air Terminal was the launching point of the first-ever transatlantic and around-the-world flights, and the restaurant’s walls are decorated with historic photographs. You can eat in, or take your sandwich out to one of the wooden benches beneath the famous James Brooks “Flight” mural. Commissioned in 1952, Brooks’ expansive, 360-degree painting traces the history of aviation from mythical to (then) modern, Icarus to Pan Am Clipper. Its style is a less than shy nod at Socialist realism, and at the height of ’50’s McCarthyism, in a controversy not unlike that surrounding Diego Rivera’s famous mural at Rockefeller Center, it was declared propaganda and obliterated under gray paint. Not until 1977 was it restored.

9. An information kiosk

Where is the Yankee Clipper restaurant? Where is the nearest ATM? Where is the nonexistent subway link to the city? Every arrivals hall ought to have personnel who can give directions, hand out maps and make change.

10.  A bookstore

Reading on planes is a natural, am I right? Why then is it so hard to find a proper bookstore at an airport? (Not all of us pre-load our reading material on a Kindle.) Not long ago, every major airport had a proper bookseller. Nowadays they are harder and harder to find, and usually what passes as a bookstore is really just a newsstand hawking a thin selection of business books, thrillers and pop-culture trash. Believe it or not, travelers’ tastes extend beyond Sudoku, Suze Orman, and the latest CEO autobiography.

11. Sufficient gate-side seating

If the plane at the gate holds 250 people, there ought to be a minimum of 250 chairs in the boarding lounge. There is something uncivilized about having to sit on the floor while waiting to board. Do we sit on the floor when waiting for a table in a restaurant, or at the doctor’s office? When Changi was built in Singapore, the gates were outfitted with no fewer than 420 chairs, matching the number on the average 747.

12.  Escalator etiquette

Americans haven’t figured out how to behave on an escalator. If you’re not in a hurry, stand on the right and enjoy the ride, allowing those of us with a flight to catch to walk on the left. Instead we stand in the middle, hogging up both sides.  Ditto for moving sidewalks. The point of the moving sidewalk is to expedite your passage, not to indulge your laziness. You’re not supposed to stand on it, you’re supposed to walk on it. And to take yet another page from the Europeans and Asians, what prevents us from fitting escalators and sidewalks with a light-beam trigger that shuts off the motor when nobody is on them? Ours run constantly, riders or no riders, wasting huge amounts of energy.

13. A view

Why are so many architects intent on hiding the fact that airports are actually airports? Gateside seating always faces away from the windows, and the windows themselves are sometimes intentionally opaqued or obstructed by barriers. Why? Penty of people would enjoy the opportunity to sit and watch the planes go by. You needn’t be an airplane buff to find this relaxing, or even a little exciting. As a bonus, more windows mean more natural light — always welcome over harsh fluorescents.

14. Bring back the airstairs!

Have you ever taken a good look at a jet bridge (or Jetway to use the proprietary term), that strange umbilicus connecting terminal to fuselage? One thing to notice is how ridiculously overbuilt they are. Do we really need all of that metal and cable and wire and hydraulics for what is, at heart, a simple gangway?

Of course, I am opposed to jet bridges on principle. I prefer the classic, drive-up airstairs. Some of the international stations I fly to still employ those old-timey stairs, and I always get a thrill from them. There’s something dramatic about stepping onto a plane that way: the ground-level approach along the tarmac followed by the slow ascent. The effect is like the opening credits of a film — a brief, formal introduction to the journey. By contrast, the jet bridge makes the airplane almost irrelevant; you’re merely in transit from one annoying interior space (terminal) to another (cabin).

Save your emails. This is just me being romantic. The benefits to the jet bridge are obvious — inclement weather, disabled passengers, etc. – and I realize there’s no going back.

15. Last but not least, some aesthetic flair

If an airport has one aesthetic obligation, it’s to impart a sense of place: you are here and nowhere else. On this front, Europe and Asia again set the standard. I think of Lyon and its magnificent hall by Santiago Calatrava, or Kuala Lumpur with its indoor rainforest, and a dozen places between, where terminal design is a point of expressive pride — where it makes a statement, be it quietly stylish or architecturally stupendous.

Take the magnificent Suvarnabhumi airport (pronounced “Su-wanna-poom”) in Bangkok, Thailand. Its central terminal is the most visually spectacular airport building I have ever seen. At night, as you approach by highway from the city, it looms out of the darkness like a goliath space station — a vision of glass and light and steel, its immense transoms bathed in blue spotlight. Or for sheer character, try the little airport in Timbuktu, Mali. Here you’ll find a handsome, Sudanese-style building emulating the mud-built mosques ubiquitous in that country.

With scattered exceptions (Denver, San Francisco, Washington, Vancouver), there is nothing comparable in America. To the contrary, some of our most expensive airport renovations have been terrible disappointments. JetBlue’s wildly overrated home at JFK, for example. Terminal 5 – or “T5” as the carrier likes to call it — is a $743 million, 72-acre structure that opened in 2008 to considerable promotion and fanfare. Inside, the atrium food court and rows of shops conspire to make yet another airport feel like yet another mall. The Wi-Fi is free, and so is the noise and claustrophobia at the overcrowded gates. But it’s the exterior that’s the real tragedy. Although the street-side facade is at worst cheerless, the tarmac-side is truly abominable — a wide, low-slung, industrial-brutalist expanse of concrete and gray. Once again it looks like a shopping mall.  Or, to be more specific, it looks like the back of a shopping mall. All that’s missing are some pallets and dumpsters. The facility’s only visual statement is one of not caring, a presentation of architectural nothingness, absolutely empty of inspiration — precisely what an airport terminal should not be. Is this the best we can do?

It’s ironic that Eero Saarinen’s landmark TWA “Flight Center” sits directly in front of T5, itself part of the JetBlue complex. The TWA building is supposed to serve as an entryway lobby and ticketing plaza for T5, though for now it remains semi-derelict and only partly renovated. I wish they’d finish the thing so that more people could appreciate what is arguably the most architecturally significant airport terminal ever constructed. Regarded as a modernist masterpiece, the Flight Center opened in 1962 and was the first major terminal built expressly for jet airliners. Saarinen, a Finn whose other projects included the Gateway Arch in St. Louis and the terminal at Washington-Dulles, described his TWA as “all one thing.” The lobby is a fluid, unified sculpture of a space, at once futuristic and organic. It’s a kind of Gaudi inversion, a carved-out atrium reminiscent of the caves of Turkish Cappadocia, overhung by a pair of cantilevered ceilings that rise from a central spine like huge wings.

And just to the north of T5 used to be the National Airlines Sundrome, designed by I. M. Pei. It opened in 1970 and was named in honor of National’s yellow and orange sunburst logo and its popular routes between the Northeast and Florida. After National was folded into Pan Am, the terminal was taken over by TWA. Later it was used by jetBlue, then abandoned and torn down. Pei and Saarinen, a half-minute walk from each other. Our airports ain’t what they used to be.

Am I making too much of this? While terminal design and passenger friendliness are important, isn’t it the operational aspects of an airport—the state of its runways, taxiways, and logistical infrastructure—that ultimately matter most? Indeed, but here too the situation is worrying, as any American who travels globally can attest. Once again, it’s a funding issue. Our airports are failing, and nobody wants to pay for them.

“Other parts of the world are more enlightened in their aviation policies than we are,” said Greg Principato, North American president of the Airports Council International, speaking at a conference in 2012. He added that members of the U.S. Congress have a poor understanding of how the upkeep and renovation of U.S. airports needs to be funded. “They have a sense that airports are economically important,” he explained, “but don’t really understand why.” Principato warns that the declining state of its airport infrastructure puts the United States “at risk of being turned into a feeder system for the global aviation network.”

But let’s change gears for a minute, and move from what airports lack to something they have too much of. To me, the single most annoying thing about airports is how noisy they are. I’m not talking about the noise from jet engines. I’m talking about the in-terminal noise. I’m talking about the sounds of humanity on the move, with our shrieking kids, and our beeping electric carts, our laughing and our shouting and our cellphone chatter. All of it amplified by the sadistic acoustics of the typical terminal.

And what makes this a distinctly American problem is our peculiar infatuation with public address announcements. As we’ve already seen, there are plenty of good ideas that American airports can borrow from their counterparts in Europe and Asia, but perhaps none would be more appreciated than realizing that passengers need not be assailed by a continuous loop of useless and redundant PAs: security alerts, boarding calls, traffic and parking directives, promotional and welcome messages. You’ll often hear two or more announcements playing simultaneously. I’ve heard up to four of them blaring at once, rendering all of them unintelligible in a hurricane of noise.

Intensifying this bombardment are those infernal gate-side television monitors blaring CNN Airport Network. These yammering hellboxes are everywhere, and they cannot be turned off. There is no volume control, no power cord, no escape. Every gate has one, and they run twenty-four hours a day. Not even the employees know how to shut them up (believe me, I’ve asked).

All of this sonic pollution does not make passengers more attentive or keep them better informed. What it does is make an already stressful and nerve-wracking experience that much worse.

On a lighter note, am I the only one struck by the phenomenon of teenage girls carrying big fluffy pillows onto airplanes? I’m uncertain when this trend got started, but take a look around in any terminal, anywhere in the world, and you’ll see girls clutching big fluffy pillows.

What’s wrong with this? Nothing. It’s a great idea, especially now that carriers no longer dispense even tiny, non-fluffy pillows on all but the longest flights. In a window seat, putting a pillow between your body and the sidewall creates a comfy sleeping surface. I only bring it up because, on behalf of guys everywhere, I feel excluded. It’s unfair. Grown men like me can’t walk through airports with big fluffy pillows unless we’re willing to get laughed at. We’re stuck with those neck pillow things.

But this isn’t right. To hell with dignity, I say. It’s time to rise up and break the pillow barrier. Who will be first? I’m thinking we should organize a march — a line of men strutting through the concourse, pillows proudly in hand.  

“We’re men, we’re strong, this is true, Fluffy pillows aren’t just for you! Downy soft, pastel blues, Come on girls, let us snooze!”

Later, in the parking lot, we can high-five and toss a few of those neck braces into a bonfire. And I smell a gold here mine for airport merchants. Instead of luggage and massage chairs, why not a pillow shop right there in the terminal? No need to lug one from home when you can pick one up gate-side for just a few bucks. You’d have a choice of foam or feather, and a selection of pillowcases to pick from. To entice the guys, cases could be emblazoned with camo patterns and beer logos.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

We're doing Cinderella.

If you wake me up from a dead sleep, SWAT is coming to your house and were DNA4U for your entire house.

1. You'll start getting paid through the app.

2. You'll see if you win the Lotto

If you remove kids from your house and still try to wake me then you'll get everyone from the last 3 weeks on the SMS that had been in and out your house or you went and talked to on the street ib order to sell to or other random what ever. That time starts now even if you wake me next week.

We have found 9 grandkids from only 3 houses. 6 were grandsons. And obviously 3 were girls.

So they were all found healthy and well. An almost 9 year old happened to look only 2 and that is normal.

The old parents helped pack and that was all. Some are just simple switched at birth issues.

Dna4u is to see if were compatible.

I'm no longer talking and just sending over my friends in SWAT. They are there to protect you. Otherwise I'd just get mad for being woken up and want to fight and kill you.

I designed this program in 2008 when i was a less bitter and angry person.

I am the Queen so no need to be afraid and try to hide kids like this current house. There was 10 people -- 8 adults and one of the women took the boys out the back door in order to run and hide them

Both ran to the SWAT. One is my grandson and one is not.

No one will be arrested. You'll just be disappointed if the "shoe doesn't fit"

Im quite sure that woman will not fit although the DNA will have to be checked anyway.

Usually some tingling occurs right after the test. It mimics my excitement.

SWAT doesn't have a list but I can create one with magic or Tree can do it for me. So.

Once people quit waking me then the SWAT may attempt to visit to check if you're the one that fits the shoe.

Its called the Cinderella Gimmick..

The word Gimmick is used because most people don't trust cops and there really isn't an actual shoe, just spit.

So they are not on their usual department needs thus they must be off duty from their regular shifts on their off time and they volunteer to do this service for us in the world as I am the Queen and the King may be having amnesia, possibly from being hit in the head with a rock.

So no problems have occurred except now this chick had taken out the kids at the 3rd house. And its over 100° outside and its too hot to be taking people out and running all over and so now SMS will alert if someone has been removed and not returned within 24 hours of the waking or the list. This is for their safety. If a car doesn't have air conditioning or enough gas to drive around. Its too hot to sit even in the shade. And with Quarentine we're not supposed to be going to others houses and all that for health reasons and I don't want anyone to conflict with anyone else or to risk their own lives in this intense heat.

Its simple, off duty SWAT volunteers. They don't see nor csre about bongs or what exactly is in them or how many dishes aren't done or what is in the fridge -- within the exception of having one of my blood relatives then what is available for the children, especially, to eat is a concern. No one cares about the blunt left in the ashtray.

But that there is 2-3 things the child likes to eat and will last or did last about a week. So loaf of bread and jar of Goober. Some frozen meals if it's the kids organic version with hidden vegetables in the food or kids cuisine or even Banquet as long as the kids like the food in the meals and then say a box of their favorite crackers. Plus plenty of available liquid for the child to drink. Water and ice or just filtered water or juice or Capri suns or chocolate milk. What ever the kid likes.

So if the loaf of bread is half gone as well as the jar of peanut butter or lunch meat and cheese but its obvious there's more than one loaf of bread or the kid isn't told to lie they ate it when they did not. Tree will tell. And the bread id available and the kid was told to tell what to buy next soon because store time was coming up... Its not a problem.

Sometimes my kid eats almost a whole loaf of bread in a day. Point is that the kid can get what food they like or served to them on a daily.

Some do home cooking everyday and have leftovers the kids can get themselves by taking it to the table and loading it on a fresh clean regular or paper plate or bowel and can microwave or get help to.

They're small not handicapped or retarded.

Most will ask to be shown the microwave once to know they're doing it fine and not wasting time.

They been watching you for years.

Also they need clean laundry. Thr first house had 9 kids and 6 adults and no clean laundry.

So we are still in search and there is likely no reason to keep their names on a second go round for an interview if the King isn't found.

They didn't search. He was honest and said they had only laundry when the kids all said their clothes hadnt been washed and were re-wearing dirty. So the kids packed dirty and our assistants will wash. In fact the machines are already going with Tide and Snuggle. So its not a totally big deal.

Annabelle used to wear dirty uniforms to school because she refused to carry them to the machine, it lasted about a month before I threw down a fit. I'd tell her and our cousin Alex was living with us with his mom and I'd tell him and I told his mom. They continued playing Barbies and refused to carry the laundry for me.

So I went in and turned on the lights and said no playing you will get this laundry into the kitchen now. So i can wash it. ALL YOUR SCHOOL UNIFORMS FOR THE BOTH OF YOU, I'm gonna sit right here on this bed until you start carrying. And ill wait till you're done if you insist. Because this is ridiculous, if I can tell they're not clean so can your teachers and your principal and if you keep going to school dirty, were all going to get in trouble.

So sometimes we gotta lasso them in. But as parents or just simple adults we need to.

The first house had working laundry machines.

So.

Like I said its not a huge deal. I know kids sometimes simply do not care. Some are even afraid of clean clothes. But they should have some clean laundry available

But the food definitely takes presidency over the laundry. All the houses have been cleaned and cared for this far.

Again some people actually prefer a messy house and so fresh food is what is looked at when my relatives are there, especially children or those without working cars. Wal-Mart pick up is available for those without cars and it literally takes 15 minutes to get like 100 items loaded in the auto. And so someone should be able to help. If not then we will have to find resources.

So the kids will be going on vacation for the summer and so they should take many things as possible. Especially their favorite items. We don't care what it is. If its a makeup box or giant stuffed bear. There's plenty of room to store or to have in their room. Plus then all their clothes. If it was too small but their favorite and they want to keep for themselves or let another relative to borrow it or pass it down, it doesn't matter, it gets packed to go.

There's no arresting or ticketing and if you know and you didn't report, we found them safe and well and so it doesn't matter.

Usually there's at least one responsible parent type that cares about the kids and that is most important over reporting.

Its not even what were looking for but everyone in the house must be under DNA4U for protection and payments. If a kidnapping occurs we can retrieve with DNA proof you belong to us as well as many other incidents that are unwell.

And all 3 houses had a kid of mine's kid. They all seem to be eggs so a surrogate may not had a clue.

Valencia County has one of the lowest rates of dna4u at only nearly 3% -- 2 point 9 percent.

Albuquerque has 9%

And all y'all are missing money.

So lets do $5 on this if you read and understood and it will be on your dna4u if you haven't taken it yet. If you have it will be there. You can read it 4 or 5 times if necessary. I would if I was one of Cinderella's candidates or wanted to be.

**i mention the food as the kids will be going on vacation if they biologically belong to my family, there's only 2million in the world. And so we would like to take their favorite foods or be informed of them, especially if they're picky.

Like some only like Goober. Or some only like preserves with seeds in it. Or some have allergies or have spent time finding their particular favorite brand of a certain bread or frozen food. Some don't care. But if they only like the green wrapper burrito or they like the orange, too. We should know. Just makes shopping easier and we will have available their own food for a week. So they hate dinner? Well your favorite food is in your cabinet then. Some may like to make their own but with me they need to bring it to me if its a bread and sandwich or if its a microwave, some may need to get it for me if its like in the bottom of the freezer and I have to bend. Like if it needs assembly then they need to gather the items for me so I can make it while sitting. I will have assistants but. This way they can learn some independence. I've done it with alot of kids and they enjoy it and they learn alot. Now Declan did not enjoy learning to use the microwave because he used an acrylic bowl like i told him not to but didn't listen. So don't have any acrylic dishes. "I didn't think you would let me. But i knew i could. But never let me do that again! That was hot!!" He spilled quite alot of chowder and so I told him to wait and eat and we would clean it together. Then i moved the ceramic dishes to on top of the microwave so he knew which to use. He said it was still too hot but he managed to skill up on the pot holder using.

And he said it took longer to microwave with ceramic. So they learn at their own pace and in their own way.

So to assemble a sandwich they recognize the ingredients they like to eat. So onion, tomato, lettuce, cheese and ham and cheese loaf. Or not.. Whatever they want. They learn their own tastes.

Draven would be all "marshmallow fluff, meat and oh yeah cheese and can i have some avocado"

"All on bread?"

"Yeah here"

And he would hand me two pieces of bread "i want wheat"

"You want all this in the same concotions"

"That would be me.yeah yup"

"Heavy on the marshmallow fluff or light?"

"Heavy mean alot? Just do it like mayonnaise. You know what that is right?"

He was 4. And he would eat it all because he liked it.

So they really have freedom not to eat what we make for the majority. But we don't know what they like and so maybe also the parents don't because I know Sara didn't let Draven make that kinda food for himself. But he took full advantage of "anything we want?!?"

"As long as you eat it or eat at least half. Or try some good big bites before you decide you don't like it."

But some kids just want their comfort foods and we like to know what that is.

Luckily except for Declan the rest found Pizza as their comfort food. Declan liked Clam Chowder. But would take a slice of pizza he would dip into it and let the other kids try.

I typically only make dinner but make sure the rest eat. Because those 4 were very independent or wanting to be and usually it was just me. With other random people in and out. Jesse usually brought fast food for lunch for us. And they could do breakfast on their own. We had plenty of milk and cereal and enough spills to ruin a carpet.

But we will have assistants to help teach as I physically not. Like we have 8+ now. Kids. So that's alot of milk to pour for me while standing. And watch they pour it in the cereal just right. Dad will kill me if we trash his hotel. So.

The other one was mine and we were doing renovations anyway. So didn't matter.

[sweetest--melody]

1, 2, 3, 5, 10, 11, 12, 15, 20, 22, 23, 24, 25, 28, 34, the entire misc section, 90, 91, 100, 103, 104, 105, 111, the entire "this or that" section, 156, 160, 165, 166, 178, 180, 186, 188, 196, 198, 200. have fun my dude.

That is a lot wow

LETS DO THIS ANSWERS UNDER THE CUT SO I DON’T KILL EVERYONE’S FEEDS

1: Did you answer all these truthfully?- Same complaint here, they’re all fucking backwards so I’m answering these things in  order but in reverse? So I guess yes?

- FAVORITES -

2: Dog breed:- CHOW CHOW LOOK AT THIS BOOFY FUCKER HE’S LIKE A FLUFFY BEAR

3: Comedian:- Mitch Hedberg 100%

5: Color: - I SEE A RED DOOR I MUST HAVE IT PAINTED   B L A C K

10: Restaurant:- I REALLY like Red Robin. I love a good burger, and all these different varieties are

11: Food:- Man that’s a hard one. Food is just so good. All food.

12: Thing to cook:- I’m not a good cook at all, so something easy; Pancakes. Cause you can always mix those up somehow

15: Day of the week:- Saturday cause it’s the night I like, Saturday night’s alright

20: Holiday:- ITS THE MOST. WONDERFUL TIIIIIME OF THE YEAR

22: Animal:- I. FUCKING. LOVE. DOGS.

23: Website:- https://twitch.tv/autocrossbow ;)

24: Movie:- Six years later, and I still think its Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. Wonderfully written with incredible directing and editing, and the choreography is fucking INCREDIBLE.

25: TV show:-

28: Band:- I’m gonna go with Red Hot Chili Peppers. I really like their funk / alt rock style, and the fact that they’re never really the same thing 100% of the time is really nice imo. I just don’t really like their album Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magik cause it’s a lot of the same shit.

34: State visited:- I’ve only really been to two or three, but for as awful as it is, my heart will always be in Florida with my friends.

- MISC -

Holy dickballs this is a lot

38: I wish I was a professional:- Journalist. Gotta be the change you want to see in the world, and the thing that needs the biggest change is the journalism industry.

39: I would like to move to:- I don’t really know where specifically, but I would like to live in a city. But not like a REALLY big city, just kind of a city.

40: Last person I got mad at:- Myself, always

41: Have you pre-named your children:- Oh GOD no

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die:- Yes, my bucket list is as follows: “1. Make a bucket list.” I feel like I’m doing a good job.

43: Do you have a 5 year plan:- “Try as hard as I can not to die and see what happens”

44: One person that you wish you could see right now:- Any of my best friends. I love them all and just always want to chill with them.

45: One thing that makes you feel great is:- Masturbation Being told that I’m good at anything honestly. I have extreme self-esteem issues and am constantly telling myself that I’m awful at everything and can’t do anything right (because tbh I can’t).

46: More guy friends or girl friends:- The ratio is like 5:1 b:g

47: Who’s your best friend:- I have a lot of them but #1 I have to say has been @hazzeyfarseer101. We’ve known eachother for a long ass time, and we really connect a lot. I’m just constantly an awkward mess lol

48: Ever been in love:- Only once. It was for a long ass time too, but things just didn’t work out. There’s still a little tinge there but its all surrounded by heartache.

49: Do you want children: - LMAO FUCK THAT

50: Where would you like to be:- Physically or in life? Both of those can be answered with “anywhere but here”

51: My favorite celebrity is:- Dave Motherfucking Grohl

52: My room is:- Small-ish and without a dresser so a bit of a mess.

53: How do you like your steak cooked:- I was a well-done pleb for most of my life but I’ve learned to appreciate a bit of color inside. Favorite is pure Medium.

54: The worst pain I was ever in was:- Sitting on my testicles. I felt it for days. Not fun.

55: Your dream vacation:- Go to Florida, chill with my friends for a week, hit up a Foo Fighters concert

56: Favorite web site:- https://twitch.tv/autocrossbow ;;))

57: TV shows you watch:- Rick and Morty, BoJack Horseman, Parks & Rec, Bob’s Burgers, Dragon Ball (all series, yes including GT and Super)

58: Your hair color is: - Brown, like a tree bark sort of shade

59: The movie I cried at was:- I nearly cried during Moana, entirely because emotionally charged motif music ALWAYS fucking get me feeling things, and emotion is foreign to me so whenever they come up I never know how to handle it. I was also on a date and we were snuggling and holding hands so like everything was in overdrive.

60: I lose all respect for people who:- Cheat. Its abhorrent. NEVER do it.

61: My Car:- Is a 2008 Ford Focus. It gets me where I need to go, but its awful in snow. Ah well, it has an AUX cord.

62: My School:- Looks sketchy and old from the outside, but its a fairly solid place. Its technology is very up-to-date, perfect for a Technical school

63: My computer is:- Getting better and better over time. Like I just got a second monitor and a webcam finally, and its finally strong enough to stream stuff reliably

64: My friends are:- My life. I love every single one of them.

65: Last time I cried:- Someone told me that, while I was practicing singing, I sounded like a dying cat and that someone should shoot me. But what tipped it over to the point of tears is that, instead of defending me, a family member decided that I was being an asshole for getting upset about it and yelled at me and told me that I was ruining Christmas.

66: People that make you happy: - Again, all my friends, and certain members of my family. @ginafleury1 @lovelyheartbeautifulmind

67: The person that makes me cry the most is:- Myself honestly. I do and say and think a lot of stupid shit.

68: The worst sound in the world:- The cracking in someone’s voice when you can tell they’re holding back tears

69: I have these pets:- I don’t have these pets :(

70: Next Weekend:- I’m gonna do the same shit I’m doing this weekend: nothing.

71: Next Summer:- See above

72: Today:- I was supposed to work but I’m sick as hell and its snowing so I called out

73: Tomorrow:- I probably won’t be feeling much better, but more than likely it’ll be the start of recovering from this shit

74: I have/will get a job:- I just bus tables at a family-owned restaurant / event destination. We have two buildings, one primarily for events and the other is the restaurant proper, and I detest being in the restaurant.

75: What are you going to do when you grow up:- lmao I am grown up, its too late for me

76: Right now I am talking to:- All y’all

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: - We have a friend in our group who’s 16 and my favorite joke with them is, whenever someone says anything remotely sexual I chime in “But she’s like 12!” Anyway people say this with me in unison a lot

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from:- @shoopdanwoop. He sees ALL

79: First time you had a crush:- Kindergarten. I had a crush on my teacher.

80: The first person i talked to today was:- My mother

81: My zodiac sign is: - Capricorn

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket:- NOPE B)

83: The most difficult thing to do is:- Be true to and forgive oneself, and understand others. But I love a good challenge, so I try as hard as I can to do so at all times.

84: People call me:- idk People don’t really talk about me. I’m not really worth noting lol

85: The thing im not looking forward to:- Midlife *shudder*

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most:- Charley and Cailan’s wedding. Its happening eventually, its jut a matter of time

87: The last movie I saw:- Moana on that date I was talking about. We were gonna go see Rogue One for my birthday, but we all just played Rock Band for five hours instead

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is:- Not paying bills

89: Who makes you laugh the most:- Northernlion, RockLeeSmile, that whole group. They keep me 𝔊𝔯𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔡𝔢𝔡 𝔦𝔫 𝓡𝔢𝔞𝔩𝔦𝔱𝑦 & 𝔉𝔲𝔩𝔩 𝔬𝔣 𝓡𝔢𝔞𝔩 𝔚𝔬𝔯𝔩𝔡 𝔓𝔯𝔬𝔟𝔩𝔢𝔪𝔰

- [ Last time I ]-

90: Texted: hour ago- Like an hour and a half ago

91: Broke the law: - idk I’m not a big law breaker.

100: Cried in front of someone:- The last time I cried

103: Hugged someone:- My sister and brother before they left after my birthday

- [ Here’s What I Think About ]-

105: My family:- A lot of them are great. Some of them are asshats

111: Work:- I’m not good with people, I don’t get paid shit (12 dollars in combined tips at the end of a night? Fuck all yall), and some of the people I work with are fucking assholes. Lookin at you Vin and a literal fucking NeoNazi

- [ This or That ]-

123: Yankees or Red Sox (don’t judge I actually don’t care either way)

124: Disney or Six Flags

125: Chocolate or Flowers (ok but picture this. Chocolate. Flowers.)

126: Your Birthday or Christmas

127: East Coast or West Coast

128: Manicure or Pedicure (ive never had either but its probably something I should do)

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler

130: Wal-Mart or Target

131: Small town or Big city

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks(who the shit)

133: Coach or Chanel(which one has the less amount of logo slapped on their shit?)

134: Singing or Dancing

135: Burried or cremated (when I die do me like that scene from The Big Lebowski)

136: Hillary or Obama

137: Coke or Pepsi

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor(yo that one never specified personality)

139: Flip flops or high heals(as in which I’d rather wear or which I’d rather see???)

140: Mac or PC

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate

142: McDonalds or Burger King(I like BK burgers better, but McD has better everything else)

143: Curly or Straight hair

144: Oranges or Apples(Its like comparing… wait)

145: Night or Day(They’re as different as… wait)

146: Chocolate or vanilla

147: Autumn or Spring

148: Summer or winter

149: Hot or cold

150: Blondes or Brunettes

151: Red heads or Black haired(can I say both? No? Shit)

152: Phone or Online

153: Drunk or High

154: Hugs or Kisses

- [ I Believe In ]-

156: Orbs: - You could say that

160: Soul mates:- I mean, not in the spiritual sense, but definitely in the “people whose personalities match up so well they were basically made for eachother” sense.

165: Aliens: - The universe is INFINITE and INFINITELY EXPANDING so there’s no way we’re alone on this dirtball

166: Yourself:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

- MISC AGAIN I GUESS -

178: My mom:- does the best she can to provide for everyone and has been through a lot in her life, but tbh she is not a very good person.

180: Marriage is:- a promise and a challenge. It is the ultimate display of love and trust in your partner, a statement that you are entrusting them with your entire life and that you care about them enough to take care of theirs forever. And you get some sweet legal benefits out of it.

186: My best friend:- has opened up a whole world of people and possibilities to me, and I will never forget that. Thank you @hazzeyfarseer101for introducing me to Andrew and Cody and being the gateway to the rest of my life. And just in general being someone great to rap with about random shit like video games, life, philosophy, and just everything and just being a great friend. I dream that I could be as chill and thoughtful and hard-working as you.

188: My bed is: - big and comfortable lol

196: My eye color is:- hazel? Lets go with hazel.

198: I am really:- socially awkward and in a constant state of anxiety and disappointment in myself and the rest of the world.

200: My crush’s name is:- Bella. She’s in my program and we get along really well and she’s super fucking cute, but she has a boyfriend that’s she really doesn’t want to leave (even though he’s left her like twice) so looks like I’m staying on Tinder

[kithalstead]

Small Town Prom Queer

*Assignment for class, slightly fictionalized version of my own coming out story*

I grew up in a small, rural town, so far removed from culture and civilization that all there was to do on a Friday night was go bowling or go to Wal-Mart. We didn’t have a mall. We didn’t have a movie theater. We didn’t have any local mom and pop stores, since several big corporations came in and took over everything, driving Mom and Pops into bankruptcy before I could walk. Everyone went hunting for deer in the fall, and turkey in the spring, and hated anything different.

I wasn’t exposed to anything other than heterosexuality until I was in middle school, friends coming out jokingly as being bisexual or gay, saying that they were totally down for kissing girls, but only for attention. People like me were treated as a joke. I laughed at their jokes, ignoring the slight tug of disappointment in my chest with each laugh, a sour taste left in my mouth after each exchange. In high school, I met a girl in the grade ahead of me with big brown doe eyes and a beautiful smile, and I wanted to be more than her friend. I wanted to take her to homecoming, and go out to the bowling alley with this girl. We traded phone numbers and started to text back and forth every day. One day, this girl asked me if I, possibly, maybe was, a little bit, attracted to girls. Tentatively, with shaking hands, I replied that yes, I was. She became my first girlfriend the next day, still over text messages.

A majority of our short relationship was spent on text, talking late into the night when we both had school in the morning. We held hands underneath the table at lunch, searching for privacy in the very public that would shame us for who we were. Or, so I thought. We broke up a few months after we started dating, then got back together, and then broke up again.

I still liked boys, found myself staring at some of the boys in my class the same way I found my eyes lingering to the girls. But, I couldn't like both, could I? Luckily, the internet was a good friend of mine at this point, and I had a private computer, so I turned to Google for my answer.  

Bisexuality was, according to Google, the sexual attraction to both men and women, and not attracted to any genders more than that. I accepted this at the time, because I had never heard of a transgender person yet. I used to think my sexuality was split 50/50, men and women holding my attention equally. I thought that in order to be "properly bisexual," whatever that meant, I had to find attraction in the two equally. What I've come to understand is not the definition I was given once upon a Google search. I, a bisexual woman, am attracted to more than just men and women, my attraction finding itself drawn to people regardless of gender expression, attention leaning heavily into women and feminine expressions of gender.

I told my best friend first, sitting across from her at my aunt's house. Shy, and uncomfortable at such a topic, I texted her from across the kitchen. She sat at one counter, and I sat at the other, and I told her about the girl I wanted to take to prom and how it wasn't just a "girl crush." I liked her because I was bisexual. My best friend, the gem that she is, opened her heart to me and let me in, regardless of my sexuality.

With such a positive response under my belt, I told my sister next. Shy and uncomfortable still at expressing personal experiences with any human being, I texted her to tell her. I told her about this girl. She asked if it was a one-time thing. I told her no. This is who I was. I was bisexual. She asked me again if I was sure. I said yes. She thanked me for telling her, and we didn't speak about it again.

I was afraid of telling anyone else. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted my family to understand. I didn't want to see my family turn away from me because of the girls I loved. I could be open on the internet, a screen of anonymity to hide behind, a profile to disappear into if and when things turned rough. I found more people that accepted this part of me in the same way they accepted that I am a woman from a small town. My best friend, another bisexual woman I met online, comforted me with her own woes whenever telling our families grew too big and daunting. She grew up in a strict Christian household, her fears of coming out mirroring my own. I grew up in a small town that never opened its eyes to diversity in the new century, willing itself to stay in a backward past. We both feared their disapproval and disappointment.

My aunt came out as gay a few years later, introducing us to her girlfriend unapologetically. I watched her every day, watched her happiness spread. She glowed in a way that I hadn't seen in all of the years I had known her. She was happy. My family accepted her easily, the dynamic between us not even so much as staling or becoming cold. They assuaged my fears, let me begin to think about telling them about me.

I wanted that happiness, that feeling of freedom that came with being open and honest about who I was. I started slowly, making jokes about being bisexual. My favorite joke ever was "the Bible said Adam and Eve, so I did both." I decided, in celebration, on June 26, 2015 to come out to my entire family all at once. Marriage equality across the entire United States had the community around me in a kind of elation that we rode like a high. I took to the internet, to Facebook specifically. I wrote out a short paragraph for my status, tagged each of my family members in it, and with shaking hands, I posted my story. I was greeted with open minds, hearts, and arms, a dream come true.  

"This is just who I am, and I am so excited to share this part of me with the world, and especially those people that I love most in the world. #LoveWins"