#my favorite dine and dasher. what is her problem

[harvestmoth]

sorry. more of this thing

[eorzeaisnotcrash]

(ARR Diary #12) Procrastination Crusaders: Robot Pirate Island

(I didn’t do all these things at once, but I can’t remember which sidequest I did when, so here are the things that stood out the most to me from all the times I stopped by.)

I’m giving the place this name because they are fighting against the Empire, whose fortification contains robots. I have to visit about fifteen times before I quit getting lost. A lot of the citizens are drunk, horny, or looking for a fight... so it really is a city of pirates. There’s also some poor guy getting mugged near the restaurant. The game will not let me help him. An interesting thing about the city is that whoever you are, whether you’re from a beast tribe or a town full of men, you’re welcome to trade as long as you follow the laws and fill out your paperwork. Well, except for Imperials. It’s open season on those guys’ ships. As it should be.

The island is my favorite place to fly over (this happens much later), especially on a clear day! My favorite area to fly over is Costa del Sol. There’s good music all over, but the music in the area nearest the city proper is my favorite.

- A captain has Joceline participate in what he *swears* is a legal venture. I deliver samples of his goods to two customers... and find out the samples are just spices. I feel slightly guilty for assuming what he was up to. (He wants to be a privateer, not a pusher.)

- I help bust a dine-and-dasher. Can’t be messing with people’s money post-Calamity.

- There is a bar called the Missing Member. The owner is captain of an all-female crew, some of who like to Slav-squat on the walkway outside.

- While searching for missing booze, JoJo has a dance-off with some pirates who “liberated” the libations.

- Some overdramatic soul got careless and lost the tools he needs to work with, and has been terrifying the townsfolk since then. After I track down some replacements for him, Jandelaine offers me one free makeover and zero need for reservations in the future. (I asked Mash “is this how people see JJBA fans?” and he said “pretty much.”)

- JoJo rounds up some escaped dodos, and the man who watches them is so happy he asks her to stay and be their mommy for a while. This will be the best proposition I get until I reach Forgotten Springs.

- I also get talked into squishing more ladybugs. Innocent, defenseless ladybugs, as the item description reminds me. Their insides are supposed to help keep aphids away from crops, but even the quest-giver acknowledges that they could just let the ladybugs keep defending the crops. No more ladybug-killing for JoJo.

- A smuggler has been bringing in exotic animals for pirates, AND there’s a coeurl problem in the area. After JoJo gets involved in trying to clean things up, she finds herself responsible for a cute wolf pup and an adorable coeurl kitten. (“Who is this Gaius dude the wolf pup looks up to? Probably nobody important,” I said to myself. It took WAY too long before I made the connection.)

- There’s a paleontologist here! The skeleton he’s studying is called Thalaos.

- JoJo visits a facility where wounded soldiers can recover in the hot springs. There’s also an annoying rich dude who treats the place like his personal resort. I end up having to rub him with salamander oil, and when he passes out I’m made to dump freezing water on him three times in a row. WAKE UP ALREADY! At least I get a nice ring for my trouble when he finally leaves.

- There’s also a FATE involving a Mamool Ja who has been banned from the facility. It’s not because of racism, it’s because he won’t stop flashing everybody there. JoJo drives the classy man away.

- Bloeidin, who is in charge of Camp Overlook, has been gifted a nice fat fish, which he decides to share with some of the guys under his command. JoJo grills the fish and listens to the men’s complaints while they gobble it down anyway.

- One violent sidequest with a wholesome twist has me looting the helmet from a defeated kobold priest. When this particular group of kobolds attacked Camp Overlook, the new guy, who was supposed to be guarding the place that night, got injured so badly he had to go to Camp Bronze Lake. The other pirates-turned-soldiers want him to keep the helmet while he recovers. Awww.

- Wandering through Bloodshore, I spot somebody fighting a huge crab and head over to help, with other players coming soon after. This FATE is more challenging to me than some boss fights, but it is so worth it. The person I run over to help is a fellow dragoon, and both of us live. Ha! I also get a precious little crab to follow me around. I will call the smallshell Valeria, because reasons.

- JoJo escorts an escort past some killer birds. One of us gives men the little death, and the other gives them the big one.

- I don’t know if I want to live here because of all the crime, but I love the energy and YOOOOOOO, the housing area is flipping gorgeous. I certainly would LOVE to visit, both there and the island as a whole. Good job, Square!

Fun fact of the day: among all the pirates operating out of here, only the Serpent Reavers are crazy enough to worship Leviathan like the Sahagin do.