#my family has three cars
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Okay I may be totally dreading the upkeep and everything that goes into have a car but also I cannot get that thing soon enough
#my family has three cars#BUT#one is a tiny stick shift that my sister accidentally backed into one time and it’s safety is highly questionable#so we pretty much don’t drive it#another is a twelve passenger van#which I can absolutely drive#but if I drive it too long my leg hurts (it’s built for guys and not girls and you can TELL)#plus it’s rather unwieldy#and our other car is a normal minivan#...but today it’s being inspected so it’s unavailable#which means I have to take the van#but my mom said she was going to go shopping this morning and she hasn’t yet#and *I* need the car about noon#so I don’t know how this is going to play out#BUT IT WOULD ALL BE FINE IF I HAD MY CAR!!!#ough#rambles from the floor
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blessings roll call! add on in the tags if you so wish <3
#new (to me) car! huge answer to prayer!#was lowkey so stressed about car issues I was actively losing sleep over it.#having a reliable comfy and relatively cheap car now is such a blessing#dad very generously emptied his CDs out of the cool 30-yr-old compact holder I've been coveting for years and gave it to me#so now I get to party like it's 2007 driving around with my CDs expertly contained and catalogued#got accepted into the OTA program I was applying for all through the summer!#so gotta set up classes for that#more good school news is I've already done all the the co-reqs for next semester's OTA classes#meaning I only have 2 classes + choir which I'll do for fun and thus can work more hours and also have time for an actual life#looking forward to a more restful semester#time with family and friends has been so precious lately#even though it's been scarce it's been lovely and joyful when it happens#looking forward to the holidays actually for the first time in years!#usually they're dreaded because of family drama but I think I can manage to find joy anyway#and also choose to spend less time or no time in or around the drama#looking forward to break. three more weeks of classes and then freedom for five glorious weeks.#looking forward to Advent especially!#also made soup today and it's so good#thankful for a good job and for getting along with my coworkers#and immensely thankful for books especially audiobooks without which I would not have survived this year#and for the Gospel of John. it's holding me together rn. struggling through some faith questions and some anger towards God#the last few months#but as long as I can stay in scripture...it still seems worth it.#blessings
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Guys hear me out: Cinder had memory issues all his life, courtesy of being the EM of smoke. His memories, old and new, seem to dissolve into nothing all too often or they're foggy and hard to grasp. It's nothing too horrible, he can still function perfectly well. He's been working with this poor memory of his all his life.
But then Ras strikes the gong for the first time. And his powers get a new angrier, stronger breath to them. He finishes the fight, proud and emboldened by his strength. That evening he forgets where he lives.
Jordana, the teenage girl working alongside him, clearly struggles under the effects of magic. Her hands shake when she's even slightly tired, Cinder notices, her breathing is labored even as she only passively stands and the dark beneath her tired eyes slowly burrows itself deeper and deeper, so much so that Cinder sometimes worries wonders if it has already carved itself into her bones. Her mind dwindles, too, her memories getting murkier and more chaotic. She misuses words, changes them, forgets them. Her sentences are becoming riddles, mysterious, confusing, strange.
He doesn't think much of it. They are rivals, after all. If anything, it makes him selfishly glad. She's falling behind, moreso than he is, he's sure. He walks with pride in his step, thinking that he has a better grasp on his thoughts and memories than that little ginger twerp -- he has a lifetime of practice in remembering even when his mind doesn't want to. Out of the two of them, he's the one who's more fine.
Until he forgets his name on the battle field.
Until, for a terrifying moment, he forgets who he's supposed to be.
Until he realizes that he doesn't quite remember how his hands or face look.
Until his memory slips away from him and leaves only smoke behind.
#Ras clearly isn't great at strategy even i make sure to have parties in games as diverse as possible but all of his strongest fighters have#memory issues. three out of three named high-ranking baddies cmon Ras you should know better than that#haven't been thinking of Cinder as if he was my blorbo however i saw the potential and had to say what was revealed to me in a vision#(<- daydream during a long car ride dramed up by a person who has memory issues (theyre not too horrible but still.))#i lobe characters with memory issues. yes girl forget everything and then have a mental breakdown about it it's far more fun to watch Jay#forget his life wife and family than it is to forget what you wanted to do as soon as you stop intensely thinking about it#ninjago cinder#ninjago jordana#ras ninjago#lego ninjago#ninjago#ninjago dragons rising
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here's my overly complicated shinonomes/hanasatos/tonos/hayakawas headcanons. btw.
#theyre all related bc i said so.#shinei is kinda a little bit estranged from his family so akito doesnt know hes actually related to arata until a family gathering happens#and arata is a little bitch about it. “so nice to meet you shinonome!” “shut up you bitchass motherfucker” “my how rude!”#whereas minori and ena are just fawning over nanamin's stream stats.#idk if minori's brother is canonically called riori or not but i head that somewhere. i think ao3.#im not an “iori and arata are twins” girlie though. theyre like a year apart. iori doesnt turn up bc “her car broke down” (she didnt want t#how do the hanasatos get into a shinonome family wedding you ask? well. i see them as like irish families. shinei's firs cousin is like:#“oh shinomom! bring your family too! do you have siblings?” “i have a brother! he has two kids!” “is that 3 or 4 for the catering?” “4”#and she tells her brother three days before the event.#nanamins parents arent married but she keeps her dads surname#shinei is an only child but he has 7 first cousions. projecting onto shinodad too i fucking guess.#ramblings#no image id#pjsk posting#project sekai#akito shinonome#shinonome akito#ena shinonome#shinonome ena#minori hanasato#hanasato minori#riori hanasato#hanasato riori#< just in case#iori tono#tono iori#iori l/n#l/n iori#ln iori#iori ln
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Song of the Day: January 18
"Settle Down" by The 1975
#song of the day#maybe one of the days I've had the hardest time choosing a song#it might have been 'Royals' by Neon Jungle (Lorde cover) which I talked to Lily about earlier#(the other day when we spent all that time traveling that was almost 'Eight Legged Blues' by Vixy and Tony#I played it for my family in the car on hour three of our drive and it was a big big hit#but it did get very cleanly overtaken by the Diva's Lament after I spent so much time with it on the train)#the original Lorde version of Royals played on Lily's playlist on the first hour of that drive and I mentioned I had a good cover#real good harmonies and neat acoustics in the big room they recorded in#and then today I finally remembered to send the link to Lily so that might have been today's song#or today's song also could have been 'Ringleader' by The Madison Letter which I tried but failed to sing in the shower#(I definitely don't know all the words yet. I did get a good echo off my 'ring-ring-ring-ringleader / ringleader' though which was nice)#and it also could have been 'Salt and the Sea' by the Lumineers which was in my single-song-by-artist playlist accidentally#no artist listed on the track somehow. very strange especially since it is so clearly a Lumineers song. they got the sound you know#anyway Salt and the Sea has some killer lines. 'from the destruction / out of the flame / you need a villain? give me a name#I'll be your friend / in the daylight again / there we will be / like an old enemy / like the salt and the sea'#but instead today is 'Settle Down' which is unbelievably fun to sing just for the way some of the words are pronounced and delivered#hits my brain just right every time#I had to do surgery on some of my poor plants (I can never leave them for so long again) and it was awful but the playlist provides#truly a wealth of song options today
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#had some wild three days lol#Saturday no power for 14h. had to cook on a gas grill outside. supermarket closed. only heatig with wood. completely snowed in.#Sunday had no power again for 1h. minus 8 degrees the whole day. had to shovel two cars and our long ass entrance snowfree. lost my phone.#Monday cold as hell. everything frozen to shit. couldn't get to work bc my car got snowed in again. at least we could heat properly again.#the only family member that had a good and relaxing weekend is our cat that has not stepped one paw outside since Saturday lmao#and the trees around our property are dangerous as well one of them fell down and is blocking off half our meadow :(#also helped out with the voluntary fire department to cut up trees blocking the roads#very eventful weekend. i want to sleep for a thousand years.#also the snow dick made me laugh#meins
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not to sound like an ao3 post-fic notes but i swear i had intended on using nanowrimo to get some writing done, and then i got covid and also my car got stolen so. i regrettably have nothing new for you
#the actual order events was#i started a new part time job#launched a new project#my meds got fucked so I was experiencing Side Effects#got Very Sick#car got stolen#(probably because of a tiktok trend)#on the day I was supposed to meet my gf’s parents for the first time#had to deal with ten thousand phone calls w the cops the city and insurance#had three family gatherings in one weekend#gf met MY family#and now it’s Monday.#november has been the longest year of my life#and it’s not even over yet :’)#anyways. im behind on the firefighter show gjfhdhfh#iinryer talk
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Someone tell me how to make me not hate myself and make my family not think I’m a bitch and make me want to see my family or drive back down the coast or stay in strange places or do anything other than kill myself I mean whaaatttt haha what a weird thing to say *stares directly into the camera knowingly*
#and don’t say take your medication#fuck. my moms sitting here like I was under the impression you had this all figured out and I’m like well I was under the impression you#we’re going to fucking sit down with me and help me book a room for the last night of driving bc I can’t book and I have to find somewhere#between like three states that will let me check into a hotel room bc if I get somewhere and they don’t let me stay I’m fucked and have no#where to go or sleep bc I can’t sleep in the car on the way back bc my car is packed to the FUCKING top with my brothers shit fuck fuck fuck#fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#it’s just like being a kid I can hear my family making fun of me for my emotions in the next room over FUCK I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE T#THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS#I think I’m having caffeine nic and med withdrawals at the same time while pmsing#AND WHILE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A PLAN FOR DRIVING BACK DOWN#I think I’m the biggest bitch on the planet rn#i was listening to father by tfb in the car and there’s a line about something about falling asleep while you drive and I apparently sang iy#with a lot of passion bc my brother said ‘please don’t’ and that was literally the first time anyone has called me on my recent musicchoices#but it really has all been like I need to go anywhere but where I am right now and I need to die far away and that’s it#no more starting over no more self hatred no more family shit I just need to stop#I want to hire someone to drive my brothers shit down to Florida and then I want to kill myself in New England#Anyways. I’m gonna go try to eat something and take my meds and then move stuff around in the car and also try to get a room somewhere by#the end of my trip and I don’t have much time at all and I need to kill everyone and then myself now now now now now now now now now now now#every time I move my body the entire world spins and idk if it’s anxiety or med withdrawals or being tired or what but I am losing it and I#feel like I don’t have it in me to drive any fucking more this trip and the way back is only just beginning#and in less than hour were supposed to check out of this hotel and go to my aunts for a big family celebration of my brothers graduation and#Mother’s Day and I’m going to see all my family who still has a fucking father and I want to be fucking dead I hate all of this I hate it#I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it
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car is suffering from "will not accept fuel as currency" disorder and i'm over here like sir i did not raise you to be a picky eater.
#in all seriousness tho#shout out to the convenience store guys#who just straight up gave me a gas can#because all three of us tried to fuck with the nozzle and uh#no it's my car being a shithead.#just Would Not Work.#so yeah i had to take a little 1 gallon can and fill my car with it#it is also colder than a witches left tit out tonight and i was.#SUFFERING.#all this after i had to endure a family dinner#the audacity#partner has already ordered the replacement#it will be fine#but tonight i was NOT lol#lp talks#lp was 50 miles from home with 40 miles of gas left#not a vibe
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Emergency: Help Evacuate My Family From GAZA WAR
Dear Humanity,
I'm Haya from Gaza , from a family of 8 people: my parents, two sons, and four daughters (two of them suffer from allergies).
I've witnessed the evidence of the tragedy that has struck our lives in Gaza, where my family and I have survived amidst numerous previous wars. But today, we face the most dangerous and fierce battle in the current war. The urgent need intensifies for us, as we have nothing left and are unable to secure our basic needs such as food, water, and safe shelter.
Here is our story - On October 7th, our lives changed forever, my family and I evacuated from northern Gaza to southern Gaza, hoping to return soon, but it wasn't meant to be. Our home was surrounded, burned, and then completely destroyed, Our home, once a fortress of hope, now lay in ruins, a stark reminder of our shattered dreams.
The night before we left from the north to the south was terrifying. Shelling sounds were everywhere, making a loud noise that felt like it went through our souls. Every explosions shook the ground like earthquakes, sending shockwaves of fear through our trembling bodies. filling us with fear. The air smelled of destruction and blood, making it hard to breathe. When dawn came, we saw the devastation around us, realizing our home was now a symbol of loss and despair.
We ran into the streets and with each step we took into the unknown streets, we felt as if we were plunging deeper into the abyss of our shattered existence, leaving behind everything we own in our home: Clothes, important official documents, the car, and literally it's almost everything - the enormity of our loss weighed heavily upon us.
Our home it was where we found hope, safety, and made precious memories. Losing it felt like losing years of our lives, leaving us adrift amidst the wreckage of our shattered existence.
youtube
A brief video depicting the devastation that struck our home and our entire neighborhood in Gaza.
Desperate Plea: Escaping Gaza's Allergy Nightmare
I, Haya, suffer from severe allergy to penicillin-derived medications, and my sister, Amal, also suffers from severe allergies to medications from my family such as Paracetamol and Ibuprofen.
These allergies create a deep sense of fear and anxiety for us, as we live in a constant state of tension and fear of anything that may require a visit to the hospital. We fear being given inappropriate medications due to the unavailability of suitable treatments in Gaza because of war or lack of awareness and not informing the doctor of our allergies, which could lead to serious consequences threatening our lives.
MY Father Income
Our dreams are heading towards oblivion in the labyrinth of an uncertain future
My story, along with my siblings, represents a united team of four individuals, three of whom are skilled programmers and one graphic designer. We work as freelancers in the world of freelancing.
As for my younger sister, she is a student studying at the College of Architecture. She has always carried a big dream in her heart, a dream of being part of changing Gaza, of making it more beautiful and better. She looked forward to the day when she would receive her degree and start building this dream. But the beginning of the war changed everything. The destruction of infrastructure and universities cast shadows of despair over her dreams.
When I think of my brother in Belgium, I can't help but feel deep sadness. He has been suffering from unbearable anxiety and insomnia since the outbreak of the war. Sleep eludes him at night, and his physical and mental health collapses under the weight of these heavy burdens, negatively affecting his performance at work. Problems and challenges pile up in front of him without the slightest opportunity for rest.
We all feel psychological pressure and extreme anxiety. The war hasn't been limited to external attacks but has deeply infiltrated our daily lives. We search among the rubble for a little safety and the basic resources for survival. Every day comes with a new challenge that we must overcome.
As we sway amidst the rubble of shattered dreams, our souls wrestle and our hearts beat strongly challenging the ravages of war.
Our parents earnestly seek a way to rescue us from this hell, feeling the heavy responsibility for every moment we spend under the shadows of fear and destruction. They dream of a safe place where they can build for us a better future, filled with security and hope, for we deserve life in all its meanings of comfort and peace.
Perhaps this fundraising campaign represents a light in the midst of darkness, it is indeed the only hope we cling to firmly.
I appeal to the world as a whole to hear my cry and the mournful cry of my family in Gaza. We need the helping hand that reaches out to wipe our tears and build a bridge to safety.
Your donation is not just a donation; it's an opportunity to rebuild life and brighten a better tomorrow. Be part of our hopeful story, for we need your hand to start anew.
The purpose of the fundraising campaign
The goal of this fundraising campaign is to rescue my family - my parents, my siblings, and me - through the Rafah Crossing to Egypt, which currently requires $5000 per person. This campaign is our only chance to stay alive, and I humbly request your assistance at this critical time. I will provide you with a comprehensive breakdown of the expenses, committing to transparency and clarity.
All of our important links are here https://linktr.ee/hayanahed
Verified by :
⭐️ operation olive branch, number 26 on their spreadsheet. (On Master list)
⭐️ Project watermelon,line 249 on their spreadsheet. Or you could see it as number 212 here is the photo for more clear proof
Thank you for your kindness and support.
.جزاكم الله خيراً
yours sincerely;
Haya Alshawish.
#palestine#free palestine#donations#donate if you can#please donate#gofundme#go fund them#donate#donation#go fund her#palestine gfm#gaza gfm#gazan families#fundraising#go fund me#fundrasier#save gaza#save palestine#please#please help#help gaza#mutual aid#donation match#charity#go fund him#gaza#gaza strip#emergency#hope#important
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If my mother could just stop lying and telling people that I blocked her every single time I don't respond to a message in under a fucking minute
#my post#this time it was because she wants me at thanksgiving with her side of the family#which her side does not celebrate on the actual holiday cause not everybody gets the actual holidays off#so they have to organize on a day when at least most can#and currently i do not have a car and the person who normally would have taken me is unable to drive me that far due to health issues#and i flat out told her i did not have a way this year nor did i plan on spending an unknown amount of time in her apartment#while i argued with our remaining family about why they should stop pretending like they don't know my address#when they've all been given said address ten billion times#and she told me to ask my cousin or my sister#my cousin being someone who has backed out last minute on me the last three times he has promised to pick me up for things#and my sister being someone who just guilt trips me into staying with mom and then does everything not to go to mom's apartment#and i'm not looking to either make a promise and then have her tell everyone it's my fault i couldn't follow through#or just get fuckin stranded because we asked a sibling who also can't stand being around mom for extended periods of time
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I’m checking things off on my list this month and next! When October hits I will be living my life in full!
#I’m going to be in a new state exploring what nobody in my family or life has ever done#I’ll be living on the road and learning myself#yes I’ll have all three of my dogs and a cat in a car temporarily but we will be getting a travel trailer of some sort within the next few#weeks ahead#I’ll be able to keep my job just have to get a mobile wifi#and I’ll be able to give my dogs a life full of exploring everyday and smelling/tasting new things
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EI rejected my claim and doesn’t say why, and I’m panicked and furious. This could mean I receive no EI support at all this month, and not only do I have rent to pay which takes almost two EI payments alone, I now have school costs as well.
I feel like the world is falling apart around me just as I started to move forward for the first time in eight years.
#this is probably the most. unsafe i guess. i’ve felt in months#i genuinely don’t know if i can handle all the things happening#losing our home. having to find a new place. my monthly rent at least doubling. the cost and stress of going back to school.#having to cut my hours once i’m back at work so i CAN go to school#no having any clue where my family is going to end up living#knowing that everyone in my family will be losing money after selling the house because we will all be renting#but it’s the only option because my mom doesn’t have enough money to survive on and the house half belongs to her#so she needs that money now#but if we could hold on to the house for even just three more years we would be in a much better spot financially bc#1. my dad wouldn’t be losing 2000+ dollars a month on rent 2. i wouldn’t be spending an additional 600 or more on rent than i already am#3. because they’re developing the area around our house the value of the house will increase significantly#but it’s just not a fucking option#because sixteen years ago i forgot my fucking lunch and a bus decided to total my mom’s car and leave her permanently disabled#and i thought i got over blaming myself years ago because i REALIZE how fucking stupid it sounds#i was a fucking child i had no idea me forgetting my fucking lunch would mean my mom got hit by a bus#but it did#i forgot my lunch and a bus hit my mom and she had to leave the career she loved#and because she wasn’t working she was crossing the street two years later and got run over by a FUCKING car#and because she got run over by a car she was told that not only would she not return to work in the next five years she would likely never#work again. and she would also live with pain so bad they would put her on medications so heavy she became a different person#a violent person who i was scared of and who she herself didn’t understand and didn’t like and who in her own words#would have killed herself if she didn’t need to take care of me.#and because she was now an unemployed and struggling TBI survivor she was in the back of a car coming back from the CtCB awards#for TBI survivours when the car she was in was hit AGAIN and she needed to be cut out of the back seat.#the universe sure has a sick sense of humour#and because of the physical and emotional and financial strain on the family my dad became more stressed and angry and took it out on my mom#and eventually (thankfully for their own health) they got divorced#but now we’re here. losing the house. all because of the most disgusting butterfly effect i’ve ever encountered personally.#and it was my fault#anyway. i’m not going to do anything stupid i know that won’t help anyone. but i still don’t exactly want to be alive rn.
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i have packed three bags and two boxes to take home this weekend along with a pillow, my rug, and a big shelf. my room looks so empty......
#in an ideal world i will also take my plants home but that depends on how everything else fits#in three weeks i will have finished my first year of college#fucking insane#anyway#I AM SO STRESSED ABOUT MOVING OUT!!!!!!!#i dont have family coming up its me and my car against the world#thankfully my dad has a bike thing up near here and hes bringing my car so i can take stuff home#i am taking home anything that is unnecessary#which is most things
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My vet: So is Ollie going to be an indoor or outdoor cat?
Me: Indoor, but I will be taking him outside on leashed walks. No free-roaming, only supervised walks.
Vet: Okay, so we'll be giving him a preventative treatment for fleas and ticks, but he likely won't need a rabies vac-
Me: I would like him to have the rabies vaccine
Vet: Fantastic. And we also offer vaccinations for-
Me: Yes. We'll take all the vaccines that you have.
Vet: Well if he's not free-roaming, he'll likely never come in contact with-
Me: All the vaccines that you have
Vet: I mean we can do that but it'll be a six month plan, and it'll be a hassle for you to bring him in and pay for that many treatments, especially with how unlikely some of these diseases are
Me: My cousin was eaten by alligators, my uncle was almost taken out by a beaver, everyone in my family has been divorced once and married twice minimum over the past four generations, every family line I have has been kicked out of their country of origin, and my immediate family has experienced three divorces, four marriages, seven parents, three international moves, two missing persons incidents, two house fires, a tornado, two car collisions, one of which involved a semi truck that leveled the car, two sewage drain backfloods in two different houses, a wolf attack, two con artists, a pyramid scheme, two autoimmune diseases, three congenital deformities, one incident of bacterial meningitis, three medical quarantines, sepsis, and the sudden deaths and disappearances of eight dogs, thirteen cats, three guinea pigs, four consecutive sheep named Dorothy, thirty-two rabbits, a rooster, two ducks, four hamsters, nine fish, four cockateels, a parrot, a llama, and a bear
Me: We will take all the vaccines that you have
#Life comes at you fast I guess#Teaboot#With our luck I'll be hit by a bus and he'll be sent to some freeroamer owner#I want him to be protected from EVERYTHING
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My mother really out here telling me “you just make all the plans for driving and I’ll work around that” and then a couple days later once I’ve made plans and talked to people about shit she’s like hey actually you should come up a day earlier so you can get your grandparents (who are practically falling apart mentally and physically and my grandfather pisses himself and if he pees in the car that I am both sleeping and driving in I will be upset!!!) in the middle of Maine and drive them to New Hampshire for me bc I will be too tired from getting a three hour flight to go drive them :’( AS IF IM NOT DRIVING SIX HOURS OR MORE EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK HELLO??? YOU CANT DRIVE FIVE HOURS AFTER SLEEPING THE WHOLE TIME ON A THREE HOUR FLIGHT LIKE I KNOW ITS CRAMPED AND MISERABLE BUT YOU’RE GOING TO GO FROM A PLANE TO A NICE RENTAL CAR VS ME SLEEPING IN THE FUCKING TRUNK FOR A WEEK LIKE GIRL WHAT YOU ALREADY TOLD ME TO PLAN EVERYTHING AND NOW YOU’RE MOVING SHIT AROUND AND SHES ALL LIKE “well your aunt is gonna be visiting on the 11th so I have to get a flight on the 12th and then graduation is on the 13th early in the morning so I just won’t have time to go get them” LIKE GIRL THIS IS THE SAME AUNT THAT IS COMING TO OUR HOUSE FOR ONE SINGULAR DAY AND THEN WE WILL SEE HER AGAIN IN NEW HAMPSHIRE WHILE WE ARE ON OUR TRIP LIKE YOU LITERALLY TOLD ME “oh don’t worry about missing her we’re gonna do the graduation party at her house when we’re up north” AND THEN YOU WONT SHIFT YOUR PLANS ONE DAY TO FIX ALL OF THE SCHEDULING CONFLICTS BUT YOU WANT ME TO TWEAK A WHOLE WEEK OF DRIVING PLANS BACK A DAY TO MAKE IT MORE CONVENIENT FOR YOU and also I simply don’t want to. Also the garbage truck just passed bc I slept in and I don’t think we got the garbage out and I know we definitely didn’t get the trash from my room or bathroom out of the house and so now moms gonna be pissed at me for that god fuck this is so infuriating I am not planning a trip while on my period ever again I want to bite my mothers head off for even suggesting an alternate plan what is wrong with me I am such a bitch what the fuck no wonder she fucking hates me okay I am going back to bed she can figure this shit out later when she’s not slamming doors and yelling about work
#I want to rip my hair out#why does she say yeah we can work around whatever plans you make and then immediately she’s like oh haha nevermind#and I know I’m overreacting I know I’m being a bitch and I should fold to my mothers needs or whatever but like simply put I don’t want to#deal with my grandparents (if they were dwarves in Snow White they would be called Naggy and Pissy) and I don’t want to deal with their huge#looming sense of dread bc they both know they are old and losing it and that their kids are dead and we are the only family they care about#and I was already nervous about spending any time with them at graduation and now my mom wants me alone in a car with them for HOURS#like I simply don’t want to and I don’t want to think about dad and I don’t want to think about them and I don’t want to drive the extra#hours or anything like ugh I just don’t want to. I want to get high on Millie’s couch and have a relaxing day after driving that much on the#way up and I want to only have to drive three hours to my brother and I want ti already be there for graduation that morning I don’t want to#go any earlier or later than I had planned bc I planned distances by how much driving I thought I could take at a time and If I add an extra#day of driving I will be exhausted and add emotional exhaustion to that from seeing family and add fucking bitchy mood and being judged on#my music or my driving or being asked about what I plan to do with my life or what have I been doing since dad died or are you okay? is your#mother struggling? (and not being able to talk about my mom going out and dating and getting laid and ignoring my dead father and their dead#son bc it’s the only way she’s coping with any of this anymore)#I just don’t want to. and I hope my mother will step up and change her shit to deal with them but if they don’t I’ll have to deal with it#and just get over it but fuck I really really really don’t want to#it just annoys me that my mother would rather move all of my plans back a day than not see my aunt for what six hours here when we’re#literally going to see her up north like five days later#like can’t you just wait to see her. like she has seen the house before. she knows what a screened in patio looks like. they’ve seen the car#before like they will know if they want the car or not before they see it they know the model and they know it’s sat in our driveway for#months and months like they are aware of the car so you don’t need to say that’s the big important reason for them to visit#I’m such an asshole what the fuck is wrong with me I’m really unwilling to have any changes made to my plans#my brother would fucking bend over backwards and do whatever my mother asks and she is so mad that I’m not like that and I should be why am#I not like that why don’t I do all the shit she does for me why am I such a bitch what is wrong with me#I am already exhausted today I only slept for four hours#I just want to skip to me being on the road already. need to smoke a cigarette at a truck stop out of state it will fix me honestly
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