#my family doesn't know about the autism or amps so they didn't understand what was wrong

[foster-the-world]

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I'm watching autism documentary #3. In a different key - it's interesting. Listened to five or six embracing autism podcast today. Talked to the special ed consultant. She was helpful.

She said they will recommend:

1. A SEIT (Masters degree special ed teacher) to do individual time with him for up to ten hours a week in his current class. She said all public schools should also have an OT, PT and a speech pathologist that he could see.

2. A 8:2, 10:2, or a 12:2 special ed class. They will provide all services including ABA therapy. The evaluator mentioned this on Friday so its mostly what I'm expecting they recommend.

Special ed consultant recommended if they give us the special ed school we should take it. They would bus him there. We will try to do a tour before our IEP meeting.

Unless the tour is super impressive at this point I would prefer to keep him in his current setting with the SEIT support. Our family prioritizes community/family highly. Both things would be given up/down played if we send him out of our community and without his sisters. Of course, we will do that if he really needs it but I don't see why we wouldn't at least try keeping him here. Everything says the least restrictive placement is best.

It helps that when I asked the assistant teacher how he is doing today she got a big smile on her face and said "He is doing great. He's playing, eating and sleeping. He's so funny." It made my heart so happy. Of course, he would still be great even if his teacher didn't see it. It's just really nice to know he's showing off his amazing self to others. He's high maintenance but he's so, so, so great.

It feels like whiplash going from fighting for two forty five minutes of OT per month for over a year to discussions of 10-30 hours of individual therapy at a special ed school to his gen ed teacher saying he's doing great.

Even if we don't follow her advice I appreciate the special ed consultants information. The only thing I didn't like was when she brushed off my questions about diversity of the student body in school options. She said it didn't matter. She did go on to say the priority at age three needs to be getting him the services he needs. Which makes sense. I would have appreciate that explanation with a "I know it really sucks but right now you can't prioritize that need because the special ed services are currently more important." Instead of claiming it doesn't matter. At some point we may not be able to prioritize finding a place with kids/teachers that look him, or a place in our lovely community or a place with his sisters. That doesn't mean those things aren't important. Those needs don't go away because he has special needs. The documentary is now featuring African American families of kids with autism. It's validating my concerns.

Researching ABA therapy. I don't even know what they would try to get him to do. He's not safe when he runs full speed without looking forward. When he's in a big crowd he gets all amped up and his body gets out of control in unsafe ways. I'm attaching a picture of the first day of school as an example. He was super excited to see everyone so he's movements increased tenfold. I would love to get him help with those things. I watched videos of ABA and don't know what they would do to help him through either of those issues? I'm reading the criticism's. I would like to see how its implemented in schools. I want to better understand what they are offering.

Let's see how the speech appointment goes tmrw. Its an hour train commute each way. Blah.

It's supposed to rain during Bee's park Birthday party. We can move it inside but its not ideal. Not really enough space for fifty people.

[neurodivergent-as-heck]

I try to find the benefits of my brain being wired differently

Autism allows me to focus on tasks for a long time and do the "boring" tasks nobody else wants to do (like wrap gifts)

ADHD lets me pick up on and understand different situations faster because I'm taking in a lot more of my surroundings

Even my chronic pain/neurological disorder (called AMPS: amplified musculoskeletal pain syndrome) allows me to push through uncomfortable experiences and symptoms because of how it's treated

But today was a lot. I felt like I could never strike the balance of over and under stimulation. I was either needing more stimming or for the world to stop talking to me. I was not comfortable today

I played a game with my family at the end of the day. It's a game where you lightly tap someone with an inflatable stick if they break the rules on accident (it's really easy to break the rules) and there's a time limit

I ended up leaving in tears because being hit by the stick was overstimulating and then my brain couldn't process what rule I broke fast enough so I was being yelled at

I love my brain, I love how quirky and different it is

but for 20 minutes, while I was paying that game, I wished my brain was "normal"

[glitchkilldelphinixdj]

Mild Discourse: Of All the Things (Thesis of Anger)

Foreward: This is usually to point out discrepancies of what some things were called out to me by a different individual whose name shall not be stated upon this. This was nearly a month ago when this shit ass "barring" happened to me on three places on a famous app which I will never mention also. I had cried in frustration upon after this shit issue.

I will only mention what the discrepancies are, since I have been noticing after screenshotting of the reasons I saw, were either a bit correct at some parts or incorrect. I'm not gonna show the screenshot either since it's best to not get any criticism. I will point out my own truth in reaction to the statements seen in the screenshot privately. Each one quoted sentence is of the said problematic thing about me, and the paragraph is how I am actually answering and reacting to the said problem as honest and fair as possible.

1 "My family is on the spectrum and doesn't act like you."

That's one thing that infuriated me the most because I am a high func autie with ADHD, but each individual with autism with and/or without comorbidities has a different personality and family background, depending on where they're from. I came from a family who had a military background, specifically the Greek Navy from my dad, plus my maternal grandfather worked as a naval CB in Korea during the Cold War for the United States, prior to his death in Janurary 2019. This sometimes explain my rough, coarse, militaristic personality (henceforth why Heavenly/Monster Triangle Sciences exist and Hellspire Sciences exist, two different military factions) a bit. Plus, being in a rural community in the Southeast United States, there's not much opportunity to socialize in real life, so I pretty much veer to the Internet for socialization since there's not many local individuals who I trust.

2 "You are self-serving and arrogant"

The only times I get into self-reliance is when stuff goes into dire situations. The arrogance is from all the bullies I had encountered in the past in school times when I was a kid. I had tried to play nice with others at least and try to thicken the plot of the HTS and HSS factions during my times here, henceforth a little of the militaristic behavior I have involving order. I also pretty much had faked some of my happiness or empathy because I am trying not to put in any facade of sadness within. I somehow come up obnoxious and rude at times because I'm trying to be nice, but it goes the opposite direction of what is intended.

3 "You need to see a therapist."

Not when the 'Rona is around. The only last time I ever saw a therapist was in Georgetown of last year in Spring once over to see what I have: Autism with ADHD and some instances of paranoia. Only people who have very serious problems would usually seek therapeutic help and interventions to improve themselves and I am not one of those individuals. I've only been to speech and occupational therapy in school as a kid until I was 12, so don't assume things out of the blue that I haven't even been to a therapist. I've taken Adderall to relieve of my ADHD issues before in school, but it made my mentality so fucked up and losing my creativity, so post-school, I had to find ways to regain my creativity where I lost it in school. That's why I made a lot more OCs than what others usually made because my creativity levels amped up after I graduated from high school, away from the bad chaos, some of them were remakes of my old OCs I did in middle school (Jamine being one of my bare examples), but the Adderall overtook me of my creativity.

4 "Why would a couple of characters do self-harm on a budding f/f relationship?" (trigger warning)

Do you mean that budding m/m relationship of two different male characters, the self destructive behavior clinged by it involving with the use my two female OCs, Munphine and Jamine (pronounced Juh-mine, Jamie for short)? Listen here, I already had pretty much stopped that shit a few weeks prior to the barring and several weeks after the barring cos it was getting a bit too boring and a bit out of context, so that shit is quitted out. Both these characters had bits of dark backgrounds, pretty much involving both of their families (Jamie, involved with the death of her father and also her mother Ryuke being buried alive in a metal coffin, Munphine, whose parents whose faces were beautiful had shamed her for having an ugly facial appearance and kicked her from her town, so to cover her mouth from others to see, she uses bandages to cope that.), in general. Or do you mean the one involving my stable B8 Ghost Variant Yellow Missingno OC, Vesparada, and some other female character a few months ago? If it's already stopped weeks and/or months ago, it's already stopped. Period.

5 "You bragged about treatment of a physical problem I had."

What I was meant to say was that a medicine is suppose to help the problem, not actually treat it altogether, though with some side effects. It was an unintentionally misspoken statement, because my mind was in dire thought mode and accidentally typed too fast. I shouldn't have stated about a said medicine in the first place. I wished I thought and knew better about that. I'll leave that behind.

6 "You had guilt tripped in someone's place multiple times."

Most of the guilt tripping was unintentional at most because it's either me trying to come up with at least a statement/sentence and/or if it was a dire situation involving a decision. Some auties, like me, do have some problems making decisions, and at times, I unintentionally chose the wrong decision without thinking twice, though I do mostly think twice before I speak at some non-dire times. Sometimes I usually am impatient to my peers because I'm just excited over certain fun things coming up within my sight. I mostly never intentionally guilt tripped, lest if it's anyone I hate to be fair. I do have occasional preconditions that sometimes come in also.

7 "You had shrugged shoulders on a relationship with two different individuals."

This is me after being told at to stop and the mild shrugging of my shoulders is usually saying a way of, "Okay, I will stop digging into the nitty gritty of a certain relationship and let them do their thing." , as per se. By the words of ebony and ivory, that means I drop my guard of thought and accept it. It's been hard and rough for me to have at least a bit of attention during an RP story. I know that was nearly a couple months ago and it's best not to bring that up, since that is just an old thing. I'm a person whom does go by the cross a bit, being Greek Orthodox and all, but I'm trying my best not to scare anyone from advancing their creativity.

8 "You have been playing around with a victim."

Could you at least please elaborate this said victim and who it was? I didn't know I ever even played around with a victim nor I would recall it. It would be better for me to acknowledge who it is. I cannot fully understand certain things sometimes, lest if it's fully elaborated and stated to me. Who was this victim and how long? That's one thing that I am asking of.

Conclusion: Here on out, after the barring, I have been playing about in my garden, taking care of my own pets and whatnot to live my fullest life. It's been a bit of zen away of what happened. At least I am honestly covering what had been said and stated to me why have I been nixed from these places to others, and telling my actual side to what they had said with my utmost, undivided attention. I pretty much rest my case what I am telling my side of the actual allegations against me. There is no cover-ups or lies whatsoever of what had I said. I am literally straight-up speaking this in my own words. This ends the conclusion.