#my exact thoughts before randomly going to get TWO tattoos today

[jeonggukkiepabo]

MOONCHILD 🌙  2

SUMMARY: Soulmates are a common thing. Everyone has one. Some people think soulmates are the greatest gift fate could give, others are envious about happy couples that were lucky enough to receive a wonderful partner. One of them was Min Yoongi. Your time to meet your significant other hasn’t come yet, stumbling into the tattoo parlor with a simple idea in mind, not knowing that you will be bound to step by more often. When you leave for the first time, you’ll go home with your masterpiece of a tattoo.

When you leave for the second time, you’ll go home with not only one, but two soulmates.

The man that was supposed to be your only soulmate, the one that never wanted to tell you that he woke up with the exact same koi karp tattoo just sits and watches - until he can’t take the pain anymore.

PAIRINGS: Y/N x ?? / Taehyung x Jungkook

WARNINGS: angst, fluff, mentions of anxiety / depression / unrequited love, there’s one small mention of a quickie in the storage room but no actual smut (yet), swearing, mentions of homosexual relationships (member x member)

WORD COUNT: ~ 6k

NOTE: Now from my side, I’d love to welcome you to our baby as well. It took us quite some time to plan this fic before we even started writing, but I think we did a great job and I am really proud that we came to the part of actually uploading this fic. I think I can speak for Dolly as well when I say that we were surprised by the amount of people asking to be tagged in the upcoming party, thank you so much! Now I don’t want to get simpy and stuff, so please enjoy chapter 2 of Moonchild!

PART 01 ~ MASTERLIST  

Yoongi can’t believe it, everything is too ridiculous to be real. It’s one of those disgusting pranks you usually just see on TV, isn’t it? This isn’t supposed to be real… right? But then again, why would anyone pull a prank on him like that?

To begin with, he’s utterly pissed because of the cupcake incident. It’s pitiful; Yoongi knows it all too well, but nevertheless: he can’t help but feel like an asshole and he hates the way you indirectly and unknowingly called him one as well. The douchebag that couldn’t come to grab the cupcake that was handmade by Hoseok? That was no other than Yoongi himself - and knowing that you, out of all the people that step into the shop to get some pastries, got it instead of him makes him think that maybe the cupcake-ritual isn’t as special and important to Hoseok as it is to Yoongi. 

He goes to this specific bakery religiously, always grabbing some coffee and this disgustingly sweet pastry that he doesn’t even like. At least that’s what Yoongi tends to say when people ask him about it. 

But fuck, who could say no to Hoseok who endearingly prepares those cupcakes by hand, just to make a different flavor for Yoongi every day? The little batch of batter he whips up every morning for one single cupcake? Yoongi could never refuse such a gesture. And why would he? Hoseok pours all his heart into baking, into decorating and it’s the cutest shit anyone has ever done for Yoongi, of course he accepts them. He even eats every single one, even though his teeth hurt due the amount of sugar in them.

So, why the hell did Hoseok just give it out to you? Wasn’t their ritual as special to him as to Yoongi? How could Hoseok know that Yoongi wasn’t planning to grab it during his lunch break? Or after his shift? Right, Hoseok couldn’t know, he just assumed Yoongi wouldn’t go and get it. Great. That makes him feel like shit even more than before. 

But, it wasn’t just that. It would have been way too easy for Yoongi to let his anger consume him throughout the day. He knows that he could simply go to Hoseok later that day to get a coffee and calm himself down (not to talk about his jealousy, obviously) - that would have been it, no stubborn behavior from his side, no self destructive thoughts that will probably hunt him in his sleep tonight. But Yoongi wouldn’t be Yoongi if he’d do that, if he’d just forget about his ego once. He’s so fucking naive. 

Yoongi had obviously noticed the slight discomfort in his neck as he had been tattooing you, but even though he probably should have, he didn’t think anything of it. He just felt like it was phantom pain.

Yet, your tattoo is there, inked into his own skin, permanently reminding him what he just had to realize. He shivers at the thought, but not in a good way. He hates it, he hates himself for pulling you into the shop that day and he hates you for being who you are.

The exact same design he just tattooed onto your lower neck is proudly showing up on the same spot, covering the exact same spot on his body as well now.

But that’s not possible, you can’t be his soulmate. There’s nobody in the world that could be mated to Yoongi and he knows that. He doesn’t deserve a soulmate.

Yoongi doesn't even have the strength to stop his own hands from shaking so much, what on earth is happening to him right now? Isn’t his life complicated enough the way it already is? He wants- he needs to break something, anything really. He feels the urge to just punch into his mirror, but he can’t hurt his hands, those are the only good things about himself - those hands that create such amazing art on human bodies. But today, those hands deceived him. 

Yoongi needs a break. 

He needs to think of something else, to silence his own thoughts because his brain feels crowded, 

his breaths get shorter and shorter, he’s breathing in a more hectic way now as the panic rushes over him. It feels like Yoongi is underwater, his throat burning with the desire to fill his lungs with more air, but it feels like there’s no oxygen around him.

He’s used to his anxiety, panic attacks are more usual than he’d like them to be, but the anger that is added into the mix causes his emotions to feel unbearable. 

He even wonders for a second if he shouldn’t just go outside as quickly as possible, leaving the suffocating room, before he actually breaks something out of anger. It’s overwhelming, too much for him to manage by himself. 

Yoongi needs air, he needs to stop thinking, at least for a minute. Feeling his newly inked skin burning, he wants to scream until his voice disappears because he should not feel this pain and discomfort. This isn’t his own tattoo, and he doesn’t want it to be on his neck. He doesn’t want to share anything with you or with anyone else. Actually, he hates the thought of it. 

He hates everything: from the burning pain inside his heart to the tattoo that he wants to tear off with his nails if needed. The fresh lines of ink feel wrong under his touch knowing how precious and personal it is to you.

 It feels like Yoongi stole something from you even though you were the one that did exactly that to him. You stole his freedom, the freedom of meeting his true soulmate. Because you weren’t that for him. You weren’t his true soulmate. You stole the hopes he had to ever end up with the love of his life. He hates you. 

Breathe, he has to breathe, but it gets harder each time he tries. The air is stuck inside his lungs, aching to be released in some sort of way, but it’s hard. Yoongi feels like he just lost the ability to breathe out, just collecting his used air inside his lungs and by now, he feels like they’re going to explode soon. Maybe that would change something, maybe he could lose you like that.

He is somewhat frightened by his own thoughts, but he chuckles darkly, noticing how much his body is shivering. He can’t even open his fists, his nails digging into his palms, but he feels no pain. Yoongi is so easily falling apart because of you, and even that makes him angry. He feels pitiful, even for himself, and god knows how much he hates to see any kind of pity in the eyes of anyone looking at him. That’s until his knees suddenly hit the ground, the shock sobering him a little bit, eyes widening because of the abrupt pain. The pain of not accepting his soulmate, the pain of not giving into the bond. Instead, he gives up on both you and himself. Giving in to the pain, allowing himself to feel it all. There is a little voice in the back of his head that tells him that he needs to stop trying so hard not to see the truth, that he is preventing you from feeling this pain that you can’t control. He shakes his head violently, trying to get rid of this annoying voice.  

He refuses. You can’t be his soulmate, you can’t and you won’t. 

You won’t if he doesn’t let you know, right? You probably don’t feel it, it was him that got bonded to you, not the other way around. He has your tattoo, he’s the one that’s supposed to go and talk to you, to show you how he feels and kiss you to seal the bond. But Yoongi won’t.

He already feels awful about the decision he has to make right now, because in the back of his mind he knows that he is taking the choice away from you, he knows that it’s awful and that you will probably hate him if you find out, but what else is he supposed to do? There’s only one man he would accept as his soulmate - and you weren’t him. You weren’t Hoseok and you will never be like him.

He never believed in this soulmate fantasy anyway. He never understood how people could randomly follow those kinds of things, as if the universe would choose people to be destined for each other. The man he loves is in love with someone else, isn’t that proof enough that the whole thing about the universe putting souls together is completely fucked up? Fate doesn’t exist. Not for Yoongi. Not for his broken soul.

Ugly tears are threatening to spill, the salty drops burning in his eyes and Yoongi doesn’t know if they are meant to be shed for his newly found soulmate that his body seems to be aching for, or if it’s the pain of losing someone he never had, the one that remains in his heart, the one that proves him that love isn’t something that he can handle. He keeps on being the one who’s left out, the short straw, the one who stays on the side, never picked first. Maybe he wasn’t made for love, neither to give nor to receive.

Hoseok didn’t choose him first. He chose Seokjin. And god, that shit hurts. It hurts each time he sees them together and he quickly found himself hating the man who’s giving Hoseok everything. 

He can feel Seokjin’s confusion about his cold shoulder, with his thoughtful and gentle looks. But he doesn’t know. He shouldn’t know, because Yoongi knows that fate isn't about choosing, it’s not about who you want to be mated with, it’s about having the same souls, the same interests and the same needs. Hoseok and Seokjin are perfect together, they share the same sense of humor, they even finish each other's sentences. They’re a couple right out of the schoolbook.

Who is he kidding, Yoongi can’t bring himself to hate Seokjin and that’s what annoys him the most. Why can’t he even hate the man who stole the love of his life? Yoongi tries to tell himself that he really does hate Seokjin, that the eldest deserves his hatred, his envy and jealousy. But he can’t, he just can’t hate the kind man that seems to try his best to leave Yoongi in peace when he comes to their coffee shop. He hates the kindness that is shown to him each time he steps inside to grab a coffee. But what he hates the most is that he treats Hoseok like he deserves to be treated. Something that he wishes he had gotten the opportunity, but he didn’t, and he won’t. 

Yoongi isn’t stupid. He knows that he is nothing more than a good friend to Hoseok, they may have been more than that in the past, but that was before fate decided to step in between them. Though, Seokjin and Hoseok will never treat him with anything but kindness. 

But, oh, how he wishes that it wasn’t as forced as it is. Yoongi just wants to be loved, but he knows he probably doesn’t deserve it. What could he offer Hoseok when a full Kim Seokjin exists? 

Right. Nothing. 

The tears are doubling up and Yoongi closes his eyes to not see the blurry room anymore, tired of everything. He doesn’t care about the hot droplets that roll down his cheeks, about the ugly sob that finally leaves his lips. Suddenly, even the air in his lungs is gone and he feels empty once again.

A shaky sigh leaves his lips, the craving for more than just a cigarette boiling under his skin.

What kind of soulmate could he ever be anyway, if not a pitiful and horrible one? Would he treat anybody else different to how he treats himself? Is that why fate chose you for him? Are you just as broken, just as anxious and wrecked as Yoongi is? Are you hiding something under your soft features?

How is he supposed to develop feelings for someone as long as he’s in love with another man? He hates it. Somehow he hates it because he knows he wouldn’t be enough as a soulmate for you. Why would you pick him anyway? Does… he even like girls?

Suddenly, Yoongi is laughing. He must have lost it, truly. He’s still crying even though he can’t help but feel how ridiculous his situation is. His plan is to avoid you because honestly, he has no other choice. 

You won’t be his soulmate and he couldn’t care any less. He has to find a way to make you disappear from his life, he has to forget about you. Maybe that’s why fate sent you - to test him, to test if he is really meant for Hoseok, if his love for him is real.

If only he had never met you, he wishes he could just forget about it, never going out to bring you into the parlour and just go back to his useless crush on Hoseok. 

Yoongi’s throat is tightening again but he won’t allow himself to suffer even more. He is going to ignore everything. His life has to go on - and it will. Without you.

He is going to hate you, even if it takes years, maybe his entire life. Because as much as he just tries to believe that he hates you, he knows that he does not. It’s impossible.

He hates fate maybe even more than you. This stupid attraction. You’re his... no. You’re nothing. You’re not his soulmate. He’ll never let you be.

You won’t be his soulmate whether you accept it or not, because he does not want you in his life.

He does not, and if you ever understand who he is supposed to be for you, he is going to make you understand that he doesn’t want you, as cruel and horrible as it sounds, even to him. And that’s it.

You come back for the check up two weeks later, just like Taehyung scheduled you. It had been pretty hard to adapt too your new tattoo for the first few days. You had to turn around every time you walked past a mirror because you just had to look at it over and over again. Sleeping has been torture, though. Each time you tossed and turned in bed, laying on your back or simply move your shoulders in an unusual way was hurting your damaged skin. After that, the itch started - and it was horrible because you knew that you were supposed to leave it alone, not removing the healing skin because your ink will fade, but it was itching so bad. 

The last few days were obviously way easier than the beginning, even though the permanent itchiness of healing skin was driving you insane. Though, that beautiful masterpiece was worth every second of it.

You had indeed thought about what Taehyung told you that day - that he wanted to leave something on your skin as well. In the beginning, the thought had been slightly overwhelming. You didn’t even know why, you had felt joyful but anxious at the same time. 

You would’ve thought that the reason behind that was your fear of needles, but you did survive the tattoo you just got perfectly fine, which left you wondering why you were feeling so anxious about it. 

As time passed, you grew fonder of the idea of getting a tattoo from Taehyung. 

And to be honest, you don’t think you would oppose Jungkook doing one either, as weird as it sounds. Even to you, it sounds pretty odd. You’re not one to let anyone near you easily, especially to get a tattoo that will be on your skin forever. 

You now start to understand why people say getting tattoos is addictive.

Because strangely, the idea does not sound as frightening or dangerous if you think about Taehyung or Jungkook tattooing you. You feel somewhat safe with them and you know that the both of them would probably take good care of you. 

However, now that you’re back in the parlour, you’re not so sure anymore. 

“What do you mean, Yoongi is full? Didn’t you schedule an appointment for me last time?” You ask incredulously, because it doesn’t make any sense to you. You even noted that date in your phone, there’s no way that you accidentally wrote down something wrong.

“I’m very sorry Y/N. I don’t know what happened to the schedule either, a lot of things got changed, Yoongi switched many time slots, I’m pretty confused at his schedule myself, especially since he rescheduled you, like, in two weeks. I can’t really let that happen, you need your check up pretty soon, not in a month.” Taehyung sighs and you’re feeling confused. What happened? 

Yoongi had asked Taehyung to book you a check up session, why did he change everything without telling anyone? Especially the fact that Taehyung, the freaking co-owner, doesn’t know why is making everything even more weird.

“I mean, it’s okay, I can always come back in two weeks, it’s alright, no big deal.” You try to smile, but Taehyung sees right through it. He thinks about calling Yoongi for a few seconds, asking him why the hell he changed it all, but he knows better than to interrupt him in the middle of an appointment.

 “You know what? I don’t have any appointments right now. I’m going to call Jungkook to the front and I’m going to make sure that you have your check up session just like we promised you would. He’s probably eating his third bowl of ramen right now.” Taehyung smiles soothingly, but you’re not very sure of his words right now.

“Are you sure? Really it’s okay, I can come back in two weeks, I wouldn’t want to be a pro-”

“You’re not a bother Y/N. Don’t even think about that word. I’m going to take a look at you, it shouldn’t be long anyway, so don’t worry about it, yeah?”, his smile slowly transfers onto your face once again and you feel yourself nodding at his words, somewhat comforted. That man has some sort of power over you, as weird as it sounds. 

“Okay, then we’re going in the room just right there, the left one. That’s mine. Jungkook! Could you come to the desk? I’m taking Y/N for her check up.” He yells, still not too loud to make sure that he does not startle Yoongi while he’s working on someone’s skin. Even though you’re not sure if he’d actually hear anything that happens outside, when Yoongi was tattooing you he seemed pretty concentrated and didn’t even talk to Jungkook or you. But maybe he just felt weird around you. 

“Oh! Y/N is back? Hola! How have you been?” You can hear Jungkook running towards you, excitedly bouncing on his heels and you laugh at how fast he arrives. 

“Hi! I’ve been quite good, thanks. How about you?” He smiles widely, excited about something.

“I’m very good! I’ve been told that I was improving on the fake skin I had to tattoo all the time, so I’m determined to prove myself when I’ll get the occasion. Yoongi told me that I should be able to work on real skin soon if I get to find someone that actually ag- Y/N!” he suddenly shouts, causing you jump in shock. “Would you let me tattoo you? Please! I’d do anything, I’d even do it for free. I really need someone to let me do it. I mean, I already did bits and pieces on Taehyung, but Yoongi says that this doesn’t count”, he asks with his big doe eyes, a pout forming on his lips and you’re way too close to just recklessly say yes. 

“Not that I’m against the idea of you tattooing me, because I’m pretty sure that you must be damn good to be able to even work here, but I’m not sure when and if I decide to get another one...” You try to soothe him down but Jungkook just gets even more excited, already bouncy on his heels again.

“But then, when you’ll be ready, could I? Pretty please? I think I could come something pretty-, no I know that I can come up with something pretty. You have perfect skin and your design that you got inspired me a little bit. I’m sure I could do well, please?” 

You almost feel yourself blush because of his weird compliment, but you both are interrupted by Taehyung.

“Get in the line, Kook. I asked her first.” It’s childish, really, but Jungkook can’t help but pout at his hyung. 

“You get to tattoo people everyday, Tae! Let me have my turn!” 

You can’t help but laugh at the two of them, their friendship must be very special and it’s endearing to look at them. Jungkook must have forgotten that he’s going to tattoo people everyday soon enough as well.

“Okay, okay, Jungkook I’ll think about it, I promise. Now, I need my check up first.”

Jungkook nods with a big smile on his face, eyes crinkling a bit and front teeth showing, causing you to giggle at his adorableness. 

“He’s very persuasive when he wants to. Be careful, his cuteness is his main weapon. He uses it whenever he can at home.” Taehyung sighs quietly, a fond smile decorating his lips when you suddenly realize something.

“Oh! Are you two living together?”, you ask, genuinely curious about the two men. 

“Ah, yes. We’re in a relationship. Soulmates as they say. Bonded for life. Till death does us apart and all that romantic stuff. In the end, Jungkook can be a pain in the ass.” 

Your eyes widen at his confession. “You’re soulmates?” 

You sound so surprised that Taehyung chuckles. You obviously didn’t mean to sound rude,  you just genuinely didn’t expect that chaotic duo to be soulmates. 

Taehyung’s weirdly eased not to hear any judgement from you, even though he usually doesn’t care about the thoughts other people have about his relationship. On the other hand, he would probably be somewhat upset if you were one to judge his relationship - he really likes you, he’d even consider spending more time with you, even though he doesn’t know why. Something about you is just… interesting to him.

Taehyung’s still thinking whether or not he should include the fact that his relationship doesn’t only consist of Jungkook and himself, but on the other hand, maybe it’s not really needed at this point. He is pretty sure you wouldn’t judge him because of that, but as much as it feels like he knows you since forever, you’re strangers, barely even friends. He will keep this story for another time, maybe when the three of you get to know each other a little bit better. 

“Yeah we are. It was weird in the beginning, working together is very different from what we’re used to from our private life, but we just get to see each other more, neither of us is complaining about that. Yoongi doesn’t mind that either as long as we stay professionals - all in all: if we don’t fuck in the storage room again, we’re good!” Taehyung smiles and you can just feel his beaming happiness. 

Wait- the… the storage room? You can’t hide your chuckle because, yes, somehow, it sounds like something they would do, as weird as it sounds.

Taehyung makes it look effortless to be happy, you almost wonder if you could ever be that happy once you  meet your own soulmate. You try not to think of it too much though, it always leaves a bitter aftertaste. Many of the people that surround you have found their soulmates already while you’re one of the few to still be looking for them. You wonder if they are searching for you too and try not to imagine too many things like their gender, skin color or looks. None of that matters anyway. It’s all up to fate.

You know that you will love them for who they are. Because you do feel it sometimes, the loneliness. It’s suffocating, even oppressing but yet, you try your best not to think about it too much, to overcome it. You just have to hope that you will find the lost part of your soul soon, because you cannot wait to finally feel whole.

“Anyway! Any recent pain, something that I should be wary of, or worried about?” Taehyung asks as you remove your shirt, letting him see the healing ink on your skin. 

“Can I touch you?”  You nod as you answer. “Nothing really, I’m just always worried about accidentally hurting myself and destroying that masterpiece. But otherwise, I’ve been pretty good the last few days.” You try not to overthink his cold finger on your back that felt.. strangely good.

“Ah, I’m sorry, my hands are quite cold, I should have warned you. Well, it seems to be healing pretty well. The crust on it looks good too, I’m glad you didn’t peel it off. Have you been able to sleep correctly? Back tattoos are sometimes a pain in the ass during nighttime.” 

It almost feels as if he tries to ask trivial questions for you to loosen up, which you really do.

“I kind of figured it out, I thought it would be hell but it’s really fine. The first few days were eventful but otherwise, everything has been good, I’m not a back-sleeper anyways.” 

His fingers are gently following the black ink, featherly touching your skin, making sure that everything is alright. 

“That’s good. No weird discomfort, you didn’t faint back at home or anything? I remember my first tattoo and how horrible my blood sugar was afterwards.” You almost chuckle even though you know he’s serious, so you stop yourself right in time to answer instead. 

“Nope. I’ve been great. I thought the aftermath would be hard but it was surprisingly okay.” Taehyung smiles at that.

“That’s good news then. Some people look like they are big, buff men, able to get through it, but they call us the next day to tell us that they can’t get up without having a headache. For the majority of them, it’s only them stressing and their anxiety coming down after getting the tattoo. We still need to check on them, because it obviously could be something else, but it’s never happened so far. Getting a tattoo is pretty intense, it’s not something that everyone can handle, and that’s fine. We’re also here to make sure that everything heals without a problem. The aftercare is almost as important as the actual tattooing.” 

His statement makes total sense, keeping your anxiety and stress at bay can come back in a less comfortable way - you’ve already experienced that in the past. 

“Anyway, I don’t think you were too stressed before getting the actual tattoo to get any of those side effects. I’ve heard from people that have to vomit before their appointment.” Taehyung laughs while you feel a blush creeping on your cheeks. Is he referring to the week where you stood in front of the shop, before running away because you were freaking out? 

“Ah please that’s embarrassing.” His laugh is the only hint that he is indeed thinking of what you’re thinking too. 

“Well then, it looks like everything is healing just fine! You’re basically free from now on, even though we can always schedule another check up in a few months if you really want to make sure everything is fine, which I can probably tell you will be the case, but it’s up to you. I know that the first tattoo is a stressful experience, so I would understand if you want to come back. You can get a free touch-up as well, just call within the next six months and Yoongi will be there to do it for you.” His soothing voice is empty of judgement and you feel secure, able to ask for anything. 

“I should be fine, thank you for telling me, though. I appreciate it a lot.” You believe every word he says and it's comforting. You feel at ease, Taehyung is an easy person to talk to and you feel yourself loosen up more and more. 

“I’m glad.” His eyes are gentle, accompanying you as he watches you walk out of the room, going back to Jungkook, who seems equally enthralled when he sees you. 

“So, when should I schedule the next one?” Jungkook smirks cheekily, knowing that he is pushing it, but he really wants to see you again. For tattooing, obviously. Right. For the tattoo. No other reasons. Because there weren’t any.

“Jungkook stop trying to convince her to get another tattoo. She only gets one if she wants to. Go back on working on your fake skin if you’re that desperate.” Taehyung is quick at reprimanding him, even though it’s more playful than really upset. 

“Tae, let me convince her, will you? She just needs a little push. I know she wants another one. I see it in her eyes.” Jungkook wiggles his eyebrows, playfully looking at you, making you laugh as you see his wide smile. 

“Don’t be a brat about it, Guk.” Taehyung is doing some paperwork while you're trying to get yourself together. 

“Yes, Daddy”, Jungkook mumbles with a smirk. It takes a lot of strength from you not to laugh again.

“It’s alright Taehyung, don’t worry. Jungkook is probably right, though. I wouldn’t mind getting another tattoo. I'm just not sure what or when.” You grin when you see Taehyung’s surprised face. 

“See? I told you! I can totally draw you something Y/N, you can choose from any of my designs if you want.” Jungkook seems overly excited and you find yourself not being able to not think about getting another piece inked into your skin. God, what is he doing to you? 

“Y/N, are you sure? You don't have to, you know? You can always come back later.” Taehyung  smiles gently, giving you the chance to make your own choice again. A wave of comfort hits you and you start to wonder what it is about this man that makes you feel so at ease.

“I'm positive, Tae. Sure, it seems rushed and like I didn't think enough about it, which might be true. But, I really like Jungkook’s idea. If I like none of his designs, I can always say no, right?” You still ask, just in case, because you’d be crazy to sign up without any withdrawal possibility. 

“Of course you can. Anything else would be illegal. I'm pretty sure Jungkook will spend hours on it, making sure that you’ll find something that you like, but you can always refuse.” Jungkook is already mumbling his ideas, making a list on a piece of paper that he found on the desk. You both lost him already and the realisation makes you both chuckle. He is endearing as well. 

“When should I come back then?” You ask curiously, tiptoeing, trying to see his schedule as he checks when he could book you. 

“Well, would you like both Jungkook and I to work on it? Jungkook is not an official artist here, so he needs either mine or Yoongi’s approval before tattooing, but we also need yours, obviously. Let me reformulate that, it sounded like Jungkook was not pro enough to tattoo you on his own. The actual question is, do you trust Jungkook enough for him to have a part of the tattoo, more than just the design? He definitely can, but only if you agree. It would be the best for him to practise, though. I’ll be on his side all the time, making sure he doesn’t mess anything up. He has practised on fake skin a lot, he knows what he’s doing.” You hear Jungkook mumbling again that you already agreed on it. But you know that Taehyung is asking because Jungkook is only an apprentice, and as talented as he is, he still needs your consent before anything. 

“I’m 100% positive, no worries about that. That’s the whole point of it, him actually having real skin to work on, right?” 

Taehyung smiles happily, he knew that you would say so, but hearing it directly from you is reassuring.  “Good. Then, I have some free space in three weeks. It's a Saturday at 11 AM, are you free for us?” He shows you the time slot that is available and you mindlessly nod, noting it down in your phone as well. 

“So, I'll see you both in three weeks?” You look at them, silently waiting for one last smile, you wonder why you crave to see one on both of their faces before leaving, but you brush away the thought quickly.

“For sure! Take care of yourself Y/N, we’ll see you in a bit!” They both smile and you suddenly feel accomplished, you don't even know why, but it feels right. And you can't wait to be back, glad about the fact that your bank account won’t hate you this time. 

TAGLIST (hopefully I didn’t forget anyone lmao): @ ithinkileftmycoatoutside  , @ supertweetycherry ,@ rainyinseoul , @ btsismybiass , @ ray-of-sunshine10 , @ littlepinknightmare , @ quiet-anarchist , @ gali-005 , @ barbikatherine , @woosanniepabo ,  @ quiet-giant , @ asifetch7 , @ psiphidragon , @ hxsxxk-180294 , @ tellmeyoulovemepls , @ strawbewwymochii , @ do-you-dream-of-me , @intellectualxprincess​ ,

↬  COLLAB BETWEEN @JEONGGUKKIEPABO​ X @DEOLLY​

↬ COMMENT TO BE TAGGED!

↬ WILL BE UDPATED EVERY 3 WEEKS ON THURSDAY!

[ramble-writes]

So here comes another valentine's gift for the glorious @franks-mixtape ! If y'all remember the 2 Franks that are brothers and werewolves that I wrote some time ago, this is going from that again because I thought about it randomly and felt like I then needed more of it sooooooo yeah! If you DON’T know, the gist is being that his Frank and my Frank are half brothers. Father being a werewolf to both which resulted in his Frank being a halfling, while mine is whole werewolf due to different mothers. 19 years apart until both came to Ormond where they met up and figured out they’re brothers. So there ya go!

Warning(s): probs just standard cussing, buuuut that’s it lol

Don’t forget to like, reblog, and follow if ya wanna see more! (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

-

A Wednesday. Worst day for the 14th to fall on. Especially since it’s in the middle of the school week. Frank James Morrison sat there in the last class for the day, English. The teacher decided to focus on how Valentine’s day started from some dude who got executed in Rome or some shit. He wasn’t paying attention, finding it useless to learn about. Emerald green eyes lazily gazed around the room till they landed on his brother’s russet hair.

Frank Fenik Morrison was there a few seats to James’s left, amber eyes were trailing over the printed paper the teacher had passed out previously. As much as he was into literature, if he wanted to learn history on a subject of a man who was killed for trying to teach his religion to the Romans, he would’ve in his history class.

Fenik really was just idly taking his pencil to scribble a random design on a blank spot on the paper, the teacher’s voice seeming muffled in the background. Darkening some lines on the drawing, he felt a nudge in his mind, like someone nudging him with their arm. He lifted his eyes up and flickered to the side where gemstone eyes met and locked.

‘Dude. This shit is boring. Can’t we just.. skip out on this?”

‘I wish. But we can’t or shit’ll go down. Plus, they’ll know it’s us since we have the same exact name, minus the middle name.’

This made the raven-haired Frank sigh out loudly. He slightly scrunched his face up at hearing his other half chuckle both from a distance (thanks to his heightened hearing) and in his mind. Since figuring out the two had the same father, name, preference in tattoos, music, and other things, it made for the two getting along pretty easily. It resulted in a sort of bond to form. Since their father was a werewolf, it resulted in an animal like bond to form, that ran deeper than a standard sibling bond. Emotions, feelings, and thoughts were connected. It resulted in a mind link to have basically silent conversations.

‘Jesus fuckin Christ we have thirty minutes left of this bullshit. Feels like it’s taking foreverrrr!’

Fenik had to cover his mouth to stifle the laugh that bubbled up. Hearing him complain like a child made for lightening the boring mood. The internal complaining actually helped pass the time till the bell rang. Kids instantly got up with grabbing backpacks and shoulder bags alike and hurried for the door as the teacher called out that their homework from 2 days ago is due by Friday. Most likely, no one paid attention.

The two Morrisons waited at the bottom of the steps of Fairview, waiting on the other three of their odd pack in the snow. It didn’t take long for Julie, Susie, and Joey to come out. Julie adjusted her coat she has on as she hurried a bit down the stairs, being mindful of the snow-covered steps as she went over to the russet-haired Frank and planted her lips to his. This drew a very pleased growl from him as he kissed her back. Thankfully, those dreaded words to the holiday weren’t uttered.

“A’ight sluts! What’s the plan for today for shit to fuck up?” James asked, the name making Joey chuckle. “I’m lookin’ for chaos to burn down the grossness I feel from all this love shit.”

“I second that. There’s this jackass that’s been trying to feel Susie up in history when it comes to turning in work,” Julie huffed out. This made Joey look at the pinkett with concern on his face.

“And ya haven’t said anything?” Susie looked away at the tallest’s question which made him sigh. “Sus, ya gotta tell us when this kind of stuff happens..”

Her head only lowered before she pulled her hood up to hide her face. Joey had let out a sigh and draped an arm over her shoulders before looking at the other three. Amber, emerald, and brown eyes met and they all shared the same thought.

‘Trash the fucker’s place’

-

To cut things short, finding where the guy lives wasn’t hard. They did the standard: Egging the house, toilet paper thrown and draped over trees and parts of the house. But the brothers took it an extra step by managing to get up on the house with wadded up toilet paper, where they then shoved it down the chimney to block it up since smoke was coming out of it. And they were out as quickly as they came with a job well done. 

They all split to head to their homes, hearing distant sirens meaning the house called the fire department which was sweet music to them. Of course, the russet-haired teen snuck over to Julie’s place after her father passed out for their... usual time together. Raven, as another nickname to call James rather than by his middle name like Fenik, was laying there in bed till about midnight he heard his name being called through that mind link.

‘Thought you were busy bangin’ up Jules.’

‘Shut up and get your ass out here.’

‘Fiiine. But I still wanna hear about your adventures in the pussy caaaave!’

James snickered when he bet the other was rolling his eyes outside, but he got out of bed to get dressed in his usual letterman with an extra layer underneath since it is midnight and it’s still winter. Out the window he went and onto the ground below where his brother is standing and waiting.

“Alright, whatcha want butt sniffer?”

“Don’t. Anyway, thought it be nice to hang out since school has been riding out asses with work to get us “prepared for college” which I could care less for.”

The raven-haired teen nodded. “Yeah. It’s a lot of bullshit. Ffffuck I hate being a senior.”

“I feel that,” Fenik agreed with a nod of his head. As usual, the two headed into the forest since it is their escape, and the only way that the wolves within the both of them can be let out. It’s a nice reliever since a lot of the times going out was never an option and it would make them feel cramped.

Usually, they don’t speak when out in the forest unless they do their usual practice. But for now, it was nothing but a run. Fenik in full wolf with James keeping up at an easy stride. Surprisingly, there was no clouds which let for the moon to shine bright in the sky and reflect off the snow, practically lighting their path. 

They didn’t know how long they’ve been running, but they did come to a stopping point when the two Morrisons came across a big tree. It was there they stopped and flopped down at the base at the big roots, James leaning on Fenik and a hand running through the rust-colored fur in slow strokes.

“Ya know... I’m a bit jealous you can shift and I can’t..”

“Seriously? I dunno. I’d be pretty happy with just the heightened senses n shit.”

This made for emerald eyes to look at the wolf, which in return, amber looked back at the halfling. Concern was felt on both sides. Concern for how one felt left out of things, and concern for how the other didn’t care if shifting was a thing or not. James scooted himself a bit close to be able to wrap an arm around the back of the head of the large wolf and pressed his forehead to his, letting silence overtake the quiet between he two of them.

Something happened since one moment the raven-haired teen was small in comparison to the wolf with clothes on, to suddenly not and... the same size. It was like his body just relaxed for him to suddenly shift, but the realization got for the two to jump up onto their paws and look at each other.

James now was suddenly the same height, same build. Black fur made him look like a shadow o the white snow. Vibrant green eyes stood out like unknown lights in the darkest parts of the forest. The two were quiet, before sounds of excitement left them and they became nothing but giant mounds of fur and limbs with barks and yaps leaving them.

What felt like hours of nothing but romping around in the snow, they both flopped down panting with tongues hanging out of open mouths and tails swishing in the snow. Two sets of gemstone eyes gazed up at the night sky, the moon nothing but a white orb to the side of their vision.

“I hate valentine’s, but this? This is the greatest fuckin’ gift nature let me have haha!” James boofed out, letting his paws stretch out in front of him. It felt like all his limbs were sore from being contained, and finally was allowed to be out.

“Oh trust me. Being this way is heavenly. Feels like what freedom from the system should be. And now that you can shift, we can do this a hell of a lot more. And no one can stop the hell we’ll raise.” Fenik let out a chuff, a canine version of a chuckle. The black pelted one chuffed as well before rolling onto his side and laying close to the rusted pelt one and pressed close.

They were content like that, black mixing with rust, emerald and amber. It took only a nudge from Fenik to say that it’s best they get going. James got up and shook the snow from his fur, waiting for his brother to get up. Both standing, they trotted off to the edge of the forest where they shifted back to their human selves.

“This weekend. Can... we go running again? And... maybe teach me some wolf stuff since now I can shift?”

“Hell yeah man! I’ll be waiting ‘round seven. Sound good?”

James nodded with a slight smile before it fell. There was hesitation, but Fenik could feel it and brought his brother close for a hug. He melted into it and hugged the other back. They stood like that for some beats before breaking it off and headed to their homes with goodbyes through the link. Days and nights for now on were gonna be different, but they were gonna be hella enjoyable and that feeling of being left out vanished. Everything felt right, just as it should be. 

[deeeelightfuldee]

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say? ooooof. I don’t think i’d buy that. I hardly think people who DO show they have feelings for me are being truthful, so I doubt that.

Do you play video games? haven’t in some time, but I want to get back into it a little.

Do you spend a lot of time with family? oh heck yeah. I have a really great family.

Is your house more than two stories tall? nah, it’s the two stories with a basement.

Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you? I will never raise my hands to another human being. I once dated someone who was a veteran and had severe ptsd. we were napping one time and he got aggressive. that wasn’t HIM though. 

What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!) physically, I suppose I have nice eyes and a decent smile. personality wise, I am warm, friendly, loving, supportive, sometimes funny, very loyal.

What color is your hairbrush/comb? depends which one I use. I have a pink one right now. 

What snacks do you have available in your household atm? I honestly haven’t got a clue. I haven’t been let out of my room in 2 weeks.

Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive? yes. it’s weird.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? DEF not. he has been asking me out since we worked together maybeeeee.. 8-9 years ago? 

Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you? yes! I am trying to learn how to undo that. it’s not that I don’t want to care about him, but I know and can soooooooo clearly see that he doesn’t care anymore, and it is extremely emotionally draining to watch.

Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female? I wanna say female but idk

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? scott

When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? couple days ago.

Do you play any games on Facebook? Nope.

What would you like to get a degree in? I have two degrees -- one in psych and one in SLP. 

Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? ahahahaha yes. almost always wide awake from 3-6

Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? typically more in the movie/show or book mood.

Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater? Both. nothing like that buttery, salty goodness that obvs requires an enormous drink

What genre of films do you like the best? either make me EXTREMELY sad, or romantic.

How many bank accounts do you have? 2

Have you ever had the flu? Yeah.

What is your goal for the next few months? i have several. the only one that can/will be public right now, is to get my lungs back to functioning as they were.

Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life? yes. I have very bad breathing during sleep. I have had 11 sleep studies done, because my breathing will just stop randomly, which luckily my brain wakes me. it doesn’t really affect my like severely.. I function normally. but shoooooot, if I got normal levels of sleep i’d be a force to be reckoned with.

Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience. Yes. It was AWFUL. vomiting for 2 days straight. it was so gross.

Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex. smart and romantic.

Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it? hmm. I think there have been times where i’ve let people have more access to me than they should have had. or there have definitely been times I’ve been used in school groups. But honestly, I tend to be protective of myself. I stop when I feel enough is enough. 

You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? I would want either Bill to not die, or for her to be spoiled incessantly by someone else.

Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? psh. no. my friends are all tiny which is just not fun.

Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? Yeah. i found it so fun.

Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? ahahahaha no. 

Which is worse: dusting or mopping? mopping. i hate doing the floors.

Did you pull a senior prank? Not really advised when a homeschooler. 

Did you graduate? Yes. that was a rough, rough day.

Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? Nope

What was the last song you listened to? i think it was Happier than Ever by billie eilish. the lyrics are ... woof. 

Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision? 20/12 -- the last time I had insurance anyway.

Is fashion one of your interests? honestly, if I had money, it would be. but it isnt right now.

Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone? It’s getting harder and harder to believe that will be the case. I knowwwww I need to start dating, but every time I go to open up an app, I hesitate and chicken out. I just was so happy before.. its hard to think I could be able to offer anything to anyone right now.

Do you care what people think? veryyyyyy few people. I care about the thoughts of those I genuinely love and respect. However, I still ensure I’m protecting myself regardless.

Is acting something you enjoy? No. 

What was the last thing you broke/sprained? I have a bum knee, so I sprain that from time to time. I last broke a finger.

Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours? ahahahaha yes. but years ago. never because of mine.

Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language? No. I don’t cuss. 

Whose house, other than yours and your families’, are you most comfortable at? probably either nathan’s or em’s.

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? alix’s family used to yell at me a lot for being fat. that used to mess me up. 

Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? soccer. no, i found the endless running to be unnecessary. 

Did you ever watch the show Full House? yup

Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry? no, thats so out-of-touch with reality

Have you ever burned someone’s picture? yes, i have.

What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on? i think it was 8 hours. I hate hate hate hikes. But, thats because I have really weak lungs, so my doctor says it’s like lighting them on fire.

Would you ever get a lip tattoo? No.

Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? kile

Do your parents smoke cigarettes? my mom hasn’t since a teenager. I think my dad does still. though, i dunno for certain.

What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? uhhhh, PTK honors society

Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Any reptile or insect. <<<< same

Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? Taller. 

Do you enjoy going through old pictures? Yes. very much so.

Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? No, i respect people who are truthful saying they either try not to judge, or that they do judge despite their desire to stop.

What did you love the most about the town you grew up in? sooooooo much. it’s small town-y, quiet, safe, lots of trees, family close by.

What’s a movie you cried the hardest during? ps i love you will always shatter my heart.

What’s your favorite restaurant? buona or ashford

Is there a dessert you don’t like? im not wild about pastries.

What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it? hmmm maybe that one mrs. pettigrews home for peculiar children.

Underwater or outer space? i’m fascinated by both. typically more interested in the water.

Dogs or cats? both. all of them.

Kittens or puppies? kittens.

Bird watching or whale watching? whales!!!!!!!!

What was your best subject in school? in HS probably history. or science. in college, psych or neuro.

What was your worst subject in school? Math. always freakin’ math.

What is one thing you wish you knew in high school? Uhhh. hm. i don’t think anything. I liked my experience.

Who is your fashion icon? nada.

Diamonds or pearls? Both are nice. I love pearl stud earrings and I really want a simple, one pearl necklace. I am kinda ruined for diamonds for some time. My favorite rings and necklace were diamonds from kile and I just cant bring myself to wear those anymore.

What color dress did you wear to prom? pink

Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? oh sure. I am envious of those with bangin’ bods. I’m envious of those who have great finances. I am envious of those who live life married to their love. I’m envious of people who see kile regularly. But there are difficulties that come with any of those situations.

Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? not long ago. the whole crushing reality of losing kile just destroyed me. I’m OK now.

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? ahahahahah. I just reject all calls.

Who are you closest to? My mom and nathan rn.

Have you ever had a bad concert experience? no

Are you currently sad about anything? several things have recently been really saddening, but I’m ok. Ill get thru it.

Have you had any form of exercise today? Its going to be some time before I’m cleared for that. I almost faint from taking a shower and I have to be on oxygen after doing the one flight of stairs. 

Can you handle blood? doesn’t bother me at all.

Has any place hired you underage for a job? yes. I mean technically, I was legal to work in that I was 17, but the company didn’t want to hire younger than 18.

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? not like in public, but at a house or gun range, yes.

Are you currently searching for a job? soon.

Does eating breakfast make you sick? i’m never ever ever hungry for it. I know i should, but its the worst. I don’t even like breakfast foods.

[pepethehobbit]

Wish you were here - Notting Hill AU

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 is here, I hope you enjoy! Also on AO3.

Jens hasn’t told Sander who came into the shop yesterday. It sounded too surreal, even to himself. He still needs to process this because it does not happen everyday that your celebrity crush just so happens to walk into your own niche record shop. Another reason for not telling him was that he kind of wanted to keep this memory and Lucas for himself, as ridiculous as it sounds. Because nothing really happened but at the same time Jens can’t shake the feeling that they had a moment. Also, their laughter felt so easy and Jens still has to smile at what Lucas wrote for the ridiculous guy from yesterday.

It’s currently half past ten in the morning and Jens is on his way to open up the shop, but not before stopping at his favorite coffee shop for a tall caramel macchiato. He has a sweet tooth and his daily coffee with too much syrup is something that he is not willing to give up. Leaving the coffee shop with his overload of sugar in one hand he scrambles for his keys to his shop with the other. While he walks he looks down on himself confused because he can’t find the keys in his pocket. Next thing he knows he collides with someone wearing a pink sweater, his coffee is on the floor and all over the other person’s clothes. His first reaction is annoyance, because honestly… his coffee. He hadn’t even had the chance to take one sip of it. The second one is guilt because he probably just ruined this person’s day and the third one is shock once he finally looks up to see who he spilled his coffee on.

Lucas van der Heijden looks down at his coffee stained sweater and then flicks his gaze up at Jens, annoyed at first but then hesitantly smiling. Now Jens is even more in shock, because who smiles at the person who just spilled hot coffee on them, like he is happy to see him. Still, it’s enough for him to finally say something.

“Fuck, sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t have any tissues, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, Jens. I feel bad though, what about your coffee?”

Everything seems to freeze inside of Jens’ mind. Lucas van der Heijden remembered his name. My name. He knows my name. Jens is in no state to answer Lucas’ question right now, still too baffled that he remembered his name from their short conversation yesterday. He is only capable of looking at Lucas with something closely resembling awe and utter disbelief.

Lucas raises one brow and looks kind of amused. “Jens?”

He snaps out of it and finally stutters his answer. “Yeah, don’t worry about it. It was my fault. Didn’t look where I was going. Look, I feel really bad about your sweater. I live like three doors away, you can clean up and I’ll give you one of my sweaters.” As soon as he says it, he notices how weird that sounds. You can’t just run into mega celebrities and then invite them to your home, Jens what are you doing?

“I mean, you don’t have to of course. It was just a friendly offer, I swear, no ulterior motive. I mean you can’t possibly run around the whole day looking like this.” Jens realizes that this sounds even worse and did he just also kind of insulted Lucas? Honestly, where is his chill when he needs it the most. Apparently it’s flying out of the window when faced with his celebrity crush two days in a row. Before he can try and embarrass himself even further, Lucas saves him with an answer.

“Yeah, that would be nice. Three doors away, you said?”

“Yes! You see this blue door next to the tattoo shop? That’s me.” Jens puts his hands back into the front pockets of his jeans and nervously awaits Lucas’ answer. Lucas looks at him considering and then looks like he made a final decision. “Okay, lead the ways then,” he says with a smile. Quietly, Jens lets out the breath he had not realized he was holding and turns back to walk the fifty meters to his apartment.

The walk is silent and slightly unnerving. Jens is hyper aware of the fact that he is leading Lucas van der Heijden to his apartment and at the same time he can’t believe that this is really happening. It’s like he woke up in a parallel universe where he just randomly meets beautiful actors and they are fine with being invited into his home.

Standing in front of the door, he searches his keys again and finds them in the inner pocket of his jacket. He unlocks the door and turns around to make sure Lucas is actually still here. The door swings open and Jens steps aside to let Lucas enter first. Which is the exact moment he remembers that he doesn’t live alone because he hears his roommate’s voice loud and clear.

“Back so soon, Jens? Is the continuous stream of customers getting too much for you? You needed a break from all the work?” Jens is used to teasing remarks like that from Milan. They had the conversation often enough, the question why Jens keeps the shop when it only really costs him more money than it makes and when he doesn’t really need it anyway because he has a different job that gets him quite enough money. Today, Jens is only capable of rolling his eyes and ignoring Milan’s sarcasm, hopefully he will stay in his room then.

“Who is that?” Lucas asks him with a curious gaze after Jens has closed the door and ushered Lucas down the entrance hall which leads directly into the kitchen. Through there you can see the living room from where stairs lead up to Jens and Milan’s rooms with a bathroom they have to share.

“Oh, that is my very annoying roommate, Milan, he likes to make fun of my misery and is probably one of my best friends.”

Lucas looks relieved with that piece of information, but Jens is pretty sure he misinterprets that look.

“Oh okay, I thought that was your boyfriend or something.”

“What? No. Eww.” Jens realizes that this response could be interpreted as all kinds of wrong when he looks back to see the disappointed and almost angry expression on Lucas’ face. He is quick to add: “I mean, as I said. He is one of my best friends. It would be like kissing my brother, which is just… eww. Milan is actually one of the persons who helped me to accept that I’m bi when I was sixteen.”

He feels like this was maybe a bit oversharing but the last thing he wants Lucas to think is that Jens is homophobic. Also, he kinda wants him to know that Jens is a possibility even though he knows that this is a complete stupid thought, because never in a million years does Jens have a shot with someone as gorgeous as Lucas.

Lucas’ expression morphed into a one of relief and if Jens is daring to hope he thinks he saw a small smile spread across his face when he said that he was bi.

“How long have you been living together?” Lucas asks instead of acknowledging any of what Jens just said. Maybe that is better. Small talk is much less dangerous than talking about sexuality as their first real topic of conversation.

With a nod of his head he motions Lucas to follow him into the living room while he answers the question.

“Over a year now, more or less. Milan broke up with his boyfriend who moved out kind of immediately. Back then I was already living with Robbe and Sander for a month or so and when Milan offered me the other room I accepted instantly, because I couldn’t take being a third wheel anymore. Also it’s ridiculously close to my shop so that was convenient as well.”

Lucas looks only slightly more confused. Before he can ask the question that clearly lies on his tongue Jens remembers the reason why they are here when he looks down and seed the coffee stain on Lucas’ sweater.

“Oh shit. I should let you get cleaned up. You’re probably very busy. I’ll get a sweatshirt for you. Follow me, I’ll show you where the bathroom is.”

Lucas looks like he is actually about to protest but then looks down at himself, nods and begins to follow Jens upstairs. Once upstairs, Jens turns around again to tell Lucas to wait in the hall while he quickly grabs the clothes. He returns with a very basic gray hoodie and is glad that he had done the washing just two days ago.

“The bathroom is right there. I’ll wait downstairs.”

Lucas thanks him with a soft voice, enters the bathroom and Jens makes his way downstairs. Milan seems to have left his room even though Jens had ignored him and sits down next to Jens on the couch with a curious expression. “Who were you talking to?” Jens considers lying but as soon as Lucas leaves the bathroom and joins them in the living room Milan will know anyway.

“Okay. This is gonna sound crazy but I ran into Lucas van der Heijden with my coffee and I offered him one of my sweaters and that he could clean up here. He also came into my shop yesterday and bought a Pink Floyd record. When he comes down again please behave as natural as possible, I beg you. I already embarrassed myself enough for one day.”

Milan just stares. He doesn’t look like he believes Jens and who can blame him. Jens heard himself talk. Hell, he lived through it and still can’t really believe it.

“Okay… Are you seriously telling me that your Man Crush Monday and award winning actor Lucas van der Heijden is currently in our bathroom, probably shirtless?”

Jens tries hard not to blush at that but fails miserably considering the face Milan makes at him now. “Yes, I’m seriously telling you this. So before you can say anything that can embarrass me even further can you promise to behave, please?”

Milan rolls his eyes in an exaggerated manner but holds up his pinkie to Jens and says: “Pinkie promise.” Jens tangles their little fingers together for a second before letting his hand fall back to his side.

Just then Lucas descends the steps and their heads turn around simultaneously. Jens breath catches when he sees Lucas in his own hoodie. He looks really comfortable and so so soft and somehow just completely right, as if Lucas was meant to wear Jens’ clothes. Lucas meets Jens' gaze and nervously tucks his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie, Jens’ hoodie. Jens is kind of overwhelmed right now until Milan tries to subtly clear his throat, which snaps Jens out of his open admiration for Lucas.

He stands up and walks over to Lucas’ side and says: “Uh yeah. Lucas. Meet my roommate, Milan. Milan, meet Lucas.” Milan gets up as well, stands in front of Lucas, stretches his hand out and seems to remain calm, keeping to his promise. Lucas takes the offered hand while Milan says: “A pleasure to meet you, Lucas. I hear you were victim to Jens spilling his coffee all over you. He usually isn’t such a klutz, maybe it was fate bringing you two together.”

Right. So much for keeping his promise. Jens groans in frustration and lets out an exasperated “Milaaaan!” But before he can say anything else he can hear Lucas laugh in response and he winks, he freaking winks at Jens and says: “Yeah, maybe it was.” Jens is speechless again. Lucas seems to have a talent of doing that. The only thing he is capable of is to continue looking at him with wonder and disbelief.

“Well, I believe my work here is done. If you could excuse me. It was great to meet you Lucas,” Milan says before he climbs the stairs to his room again. And just like that they are alone again. Jens doesn’t know what to say, it’s not like he has experience with his celebrity crushes flirting with him, so he says the first thing that comes to his mind.

“Can I offer you anything? Coffee, water, weed?” Jens cringes at the last word. Why is he so awkward today, but Lucas simply looks at him a bit baffled and lets out a small laugh.

“Well, weed is certainly tempting, Jens. But you were right, I kinda am pretty busy. I have to go now, maybe next time, yeah?” Lucas sounds genuinely disappointed but maybe that is just Jens’ wishful thinking. He also can’t help how his heart fluttered at the words next time.

“I’ll bring you to the door.”

Jens wants to say something before he opens the door for Lucas and for him to leave his life again but he can’t think of anything that would sound even remotely acceptable. With a “normal” person he my have asked for their number or asked if they could see each other again. But Lucas wasn’t a regular person. He was an internationally known actor, unbelievably beautiful and so out of Jens’ league. And even though it seemed like Lucas had flirted with him it was hard not to feel intimidated by these facts alone.

“Sorry for the weed. That was weird. I’m usually more chill.” Out of all the possibilities this is what he finally utters. Jens wants to kick himself for the hundredth time today but Lucas just huffs out another laugh and steps closer to Jens.

“Yeah, it was a little weird.” His voice sounds so soft, he takes another step towards Jens and leans in as if to kiss him. Jens sucks in a breath while Lucas raises his hand and places it softly on Jens’ face. He looks up at him under his lashes and only then does Jens notice the slight height difference. With his heart nearly jumping out of his chest he notices how Lucas gets up on his tiptoes and presses a light kiss on the corner of Jens’ mouth, as if he wanted to go for the cheek but just missing slightly.

“Thank you for the hoodie,” Lucas says as he leans away. He opens the door himself and steps out of Jens’ life once again.

Jens doesn’t know how long he stands there behind the closed door of his apartment, it could be minutes but also hours of trying to comprehend if that just really happened. It’s Milan’s voice that pulls him back eventually. “Aren’t you going back to work?”

Fuck. Right. Work. He kinda forgot about everything for a minute. Maybe it’s a prompt decision but he doesn’t think he could concentrate on work today anyway. “I’ll work from home today,” he lies to Milan and pulls out his phone to quickly shoot Sander a message that he doesn’t have to come in today. He feels something weird in his pocket and pulls that out as well. It’s a piece of toilet paper with something written on it.

Sorry for the toilet paper. That is weird, I know, but I don’t have any actual paper to write this note to you. If you want, meet me tomorrow at the Hotel De Witte Lelie at 16.00 and I’ll give you your sweater back. Say you are here to meet Flynn Rider. I hope you come, sincerely, Lucas

He doesn’t even notice Milan coming up behind him until he squeals directly into his ear. “I knew it!!! I saw the way he was looking at you. He is totally gone on you already, I could see it!!!”

Jens scoffs but it’s more out of habit than out of disbelief. Because somewhere in his mind he wants to believe it. Somewhere he wants to believe that Lucas wants to see him again and not just to give him his sweater back, somewhere he is pretty sure that Lucas had wanted to kiss him properly when he said goodbye, somewhere he wants to believe that Lucas meant it when he said next time.

He carefully folds the toilet paper and walks to his room, ignoring Milan’s protest and questions about if he plans on going. Which is the same question he is asking himself right now but the hope that began to bloom in his chest since he read the note is answer enough for him.

[join-the-joywrite]

Hamish & Vera soulmate au headcannons

Oooohhhh who has the self control of a temperamental baby? Ma-ra! Mel-vyn!

This one feels longer than the others but I'm 43% sure it's because there's no angst and I'm a big fan of Person A and B continuously screwing up or screwing (with) each other

Up next, folks, is the lovely direction of your soulmate au. Fun.

Everyone is born with a little compass tattoo thing on their wrist. Instead of pointing north, it points to your soulmate. It heats up -- very slightly, almost unnoticeable -- when you're quite close to each other. Now and then, people can be seen walking up and down somewhere, eyes glued to their wrist because goddamnit it was pointing this way five seconds ago and now it's pointing the direct opposite way and-- wait shit turn back around

Vera knew her boyfriend wasn't it. Her compass never pointed at him. He knew it too. Still, she didn't leave.

Hamish knew Cassie wasn't it. His compass never pointed at her. He never said. She never noticed because she never checked her own. She didn't like the idea of soulmates anyway.

Hamish walks past "that scary girl who spends all her time studying" once and in his haste to step put of her clear warpath, he doesn't notice the slight tingling on his wrist.

Someone in the Order comes up to Vera before her Temple Magus days and gushes about how they think she's their soulmate. Vera, who has since kept up a facade of not really caring about her soulmate, sticks her wrist out and exposes her compass, which points towards the entrance to the Order. "Whoever he is, he's not in the Order."

For a while, Hamish tried to find his soulmate. Then he got caught up babysitting Randall -- and then Lilith. And then Jack showed up and there was no time for soulmate hunting when Jack Morton brings about the doom of the world somehow.

Jack and Hamish stand near the entrance to the Temple one day. Both their compasses point in the same direction. "Look, man, I know mine's this way because Alyssa's down there. . ."

Hamish doesn't believe his soulmate's an Order member.

A lot of shit happens. Their compasses go crazy when they fight the Order together, wildly spinning as they repeatedly cross paths. Given that Hamish is currently a werewolf, Vera is the one who notices this. Fucking hell, is it really a disciple???

Vera spends a few days walking through the Temple with her eyes on her wrist after they powder the werewolves. Once again, her compass is pointing in the direction of the entrance to the Temple. So who the hell was it??

The Knights get into the Order. Both their compasses stop pointing to one general direction and start randomly pointing in others. They're always watching their compass when they're not in the same room.

"If you're going to stand there, make yourself useful." Hamish gets Vera a drink. Vera chases him from the table. THEN Vera looks at her wrist and the mingling disciples. How could she possibly guess which one of them it is? °0° it's impossible.

"Bring me something in a tall glass." Well, I was about to go on a small soulmate hunt before I leave the temple for good but ok sure, let's rather do that instead.

When Vera's about to do the Excidium, she glances at her wrist to see that the compass once again points towards the temple entrance. She hopes her soulmate's far enough away, knowing that a good chunk of Belgrave is going to go down with her.

The more time Vera and Hamish spend around each other, the less they look at their wrists.

Once, they crossed paths while both looking at their wrists and when the compass flipped back, they turned, looked at each other, and went on their merry way

The have The Big Dumb okay

Gee I wonder who my soulmate is. Definitely not that one person the compass is literally always pointing to.

It's only after Alyssa, after Hamish is gathering his things and crossing the reliquary to find his other shoe that Vera sits back in the chair and glances at her wrist around Hamish. She watches the little compass follow Hamish as he goes from one end to the other.

"What are you laughing at, you're the one who threw everything around." "Nothing."

Hamish is there when Vera addresses the Order about the 'mysterious' passing of Kepler. As long as she still stands, his compass remains frozen. Hm, interesting. I wonder if there's a room behind Vera where -- OH!

"Mr Duke, do I have something on my face? . . . Stop grinning like that-- w-why are you? -- are you okay? Do you want to see the college therapist? Psychology? Psychiatrist? . . . An exorcist?" "I'm fine."

Vera loses Hamish in a crowd. I could check my wrist or I could-- "VERA STONE IS WEAK!" "WHO THE FUCK--" "ah, there he is."

"Hey you -- you new Medicum -- I swear I knew your name a minute ago-- have you seen the Grand Magus?" "No." "Damnit." Now I have to resort to old methods *cue Hamish marching around with his eyes glued to his wrist*

"Miss Dupres, do you know where the rest of the Knights have gone?" "No, Grand Magus." "Hm."

Vera gets Nicole in and checks her wrist against Gabrielle's. Both in the same place. "Those fuckers are up to something. Has anyone seen Mr Morton or do we have another impending apocalypse?"

Hamish won't stop tickling Vera. So while he's gone, she gets out her makeup bag. Fucking Alyssa. Could have returned my magic and then, not only would I be able to use magic for this, she'd be, you know, alive. Fucking stubborn Alyssa

Vera gets an epiphany. She might not have magic but she knows someone who does. Several someones, in fact.

Jack scrambles into the reliquary as fats as he can. "You said something about Hamish and an emergency."

Vera hands him a book. "Do this spell. Do it now."

"This is an illusion spell to cover up powerful magic . . . what did you do?"

"Nothing yet, I'm fucking with Hamish."

You mean you're fucking Hamish. "What was that, Magistratus?" "Nothing, Grand Magus. So, this spell, what do I do?"

Three hours later. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT CHANGED DIRECTION."

Jack @ Randall: hey, do u wanna go get a beer like right now and this exact moment which has nothing to do with all the yelling at all

To get back at Vera, Hamish decides to do thr same thing, except he has a 100% willing disaster partner Lilith to work with him on this one.

Two days after: IF I HAD MAGIC YOU'D BOTH BE DEAD

Hamish and Lilith sprint past Jack. "WE FUCKED UP WE FUCKED UP WE FUCKED UP WE FUCKED UP!"

Vera in the doorway with a knife in hand. "AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU'VE THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE."

"So, is what normally happens when the temple is empty?" Gabrielle asks, "or is today a special occasion?"

"No, this is normal. Hamish and Vera often--" "Don't you finish that sentence Mr Morton or I'll be hanging Silverback up on my wall." "Noted."

Hamish loses Vera in a crowd. I could use the compass or I could-- "CHANCELLOR STONE IS STONED" "WHAT THE FUCK--" "ah, there she is."

Had Kepler been alive post S2 there's like a 99% chance she would've been like "why are your compasses pointing at each other?" Long silence. "Because we're sworn enemies, Bitsy, why else?"

Hamish is trying to teach a class. Vera stops by to ask something -- which would've been considered normal if she weren't also the chancellor. Whispering in the back: "Did you see their compasses?? Do you think they know??"

Vera doesn't have magic or werewolf senses, but she does have some good natural senses. "Krowchuck is looking to retire. Belgrave is looking to hire. Make sure you submit an application, okay, babe?"

Vera has literally never called him babe before. In fact, Hamish doesn't think she's ever called him anything other than Mr Duke, Hamish, or "you absolute fuckhead dickface" that one time he ate the chocolate she was hiding.

Hamish glares as she leaves. How the hell is he supposed to get a lesson done now.

Hamish turns up to the next Order meeting with his sleeves high enough that everyone can see his compass point directly to Vera. She isn't happy about it.

"Hey, how long do you think it took before they realised it was them?" "Like a year. I kept track." "That's creepy, Randall." "No, it's like watching your favourite show. Entertaining."

"Mr Morton, my favourite disciple! You look well! How are you doing today? Your magic keeps getting stronger, I'm so proud--" "What do you want?" "Do this spell and I'll let you play with one artefact from the reliquary." ".....You're fucking with Hamish's compass again aren't you?" "I would never! How could you -- okay, yes. Make it point to the most annoying person he knows."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S POINTING AT MR CARPIO."

Randall chilling in the temple. "Wtf. Jack what did you do?"

"Why you always gotta blame me?"

Lilith, Randall & Gabrielle: because we're almost always right.

"Daddy, how long did you know Mommy before you knew she was your soulmate?" "Very long." "How did you and Mommy meet?" "I want a new question."

Can you tell my favourite trope is Hamish & Vera either vehemently denying that they're soulmates or just almost never realising it?? And then absolute chaos, of course.

See the other AUs I've mutilated

[whats-the-story-tc]

9th-11th of September, 2020

"The One with the Fox Mask"

I did remember a couple things that happened in the past few days after all. And today? Whew. You are NOT ready. Here we go.

So on Wednesday, an hour after her class, we were talking about first impressions in another class. I said something like "I remember being afraid of people initially, but then being very positively disappointed when I got to know them." When my teacher asked who I'm talking about, I made it out to be about my friends (which is halfway true), but we all know here that all along, I was talking about V. The woman I knew as "The Fox" in my late middle school years, the woman whose eyes I recognised a part of myself in the year before I first had class with her, the woman I never thought I'd come to love as much as I do. She turned my life upside down, and you know what? I don't mind.

Thursday, we only met briefly, with half a corridor between us, but she had her gaze turned towards my class as she headed somewhere. I waved to her, but she didn't return it, even though she has to have seen me. Oh, well.

That day, afternoon, to be exact, I also met Miss A for a short while (you remember her, right?). She was looking at something, only turned towards me for a second or so, but instantly she smiled so wide when she spotted me that you can't NOT return it. I had training, children to teach, so I couldn't exactly run up to her and chat, but afterwards, I spent the way home thinking about how stark the contrast between A and V is, when it comes to their behaviour towards me.

(For those of you, who might be new here, A is not a teacher crush. She's a former teacher of mine, who I'm still very close to and regard as a mentor figure in regards of performing arts, but also positivity. She's the sweetest person you can imagine, and I really love her, but not the way I love V.)

Also Thursday, my mum offered to get me a new face mask, and when I saw the patterns, I immediately went with the one with foxes. Because... obviously. Yet, I was very nervous to wear it to school on Friday, which is today. I was nervous about what V might say when she sees it, since foxes are her branding, not mine. Still, it took some convincing, but I put it on this morning. And this is where shit hits the fan.

Another meeting from afar, another unreturned wave, though this time, I ran to P.E. before she had the chance to return it, so there's that. Then, like an hour later, it was announced she'd be subbing the class before my double class with her, meaning I'd spend three class periods together. Safe to say, I was over the moon.

Breaktime, I come out of the bathroom. V is at the other sink, washing her hands. I'm wearing my fox mask. All blood froze in my veins as I awkwardly waddled over to the other sink, blabbering an awkward greeting, when I heard: "Your mask is really cool." My face probably went really red under the foxes, but thankfully, I remembered to say thank you. And then I remembered to follow it up with: "I can get you one if you'd like." She asked me where I got it from, I awkwardly tried to explain it, she said she might pop over if I tell her exactly where. Then I got a little brave. I know she loves getting gifts and values them greatly, so I said: "As far as I remember, your birthday is in September, it could be a birthday gift, if you'll have it." (Though I'm not sure I actually said the last part or just wanted to.) She muttered something along the lines of "Another year closer to death" as we reached the classroom she was headed to. In one last desperate attempt to get more of her, I asked if she was really going to sub for us next period, and we spoke about it briefly, confirming a couple details, and that's where it ended.

No wonder I kept randomly bursting into smiles while working in the class I went to. I'm not sure now that she understood there and then that I offered to buy her something, but I was very excited. After all, it's not every day you get to give the Miss V something with a perfectly valid reason.

And the time came for her to sub. She spent the whole class talking to us, listening to our stories and sharing hers, talking gaming with those of us who are just about as experienced as her, and hearing everything. And when I say she heard everything, I meant she heard everything.

I told my friend a story from like three weeks ago, dramatically reenacted, and halfway through I just see V, eyes smiling, leaning forward and asking "What's the story?" (Roll credits.) She wasn't the only one who wanted to hear it, so I had to restart it. I was too nervous to watch her reactions, but probably she enjoyed it. Then, I told my friend another story from the same day (an eventful day spent reading in the park), and when I was finished, all I hear is "That one's good." Lo and behold, V was listening all along. And that wasn't the only time I felt her eyes on me in that class, even if I didn't look at her.

Another interesting thing was when my classmates teased me about being good at Literature, and I got flustered, turning my head towards V and asking: "Miss?" Her eyes were smiling again, but she ended up saying: "I'd rather not say anything right now." As somewhat of a teacher/coach/authority figure over younger children myself, now I understand why she said that. I know I'm good and so does she. But if you start praising one's abilities to the others, they might feel inferior. That's why praise is always one-on-one. And V is awesome at these things. As much as I crave her praise, I reminded myself: "Remember why you fell for her? Because she is always fair and honest. She knows her shit."

Other than these, me and my friend showed her memes, she told us about when our extracurriculars will be (Thursdays, when we wouldn't normally meet, so I'm satisfied), one time I avoided swearing by saying "I'm not gonna finish that here" and she countered it with "It's not like we don't know what you were going to say" and yeah. It was an interesting class, to say the least, but the most fun I've had in any class this year.

Double V class. First time around, we started with a promised test about a story we had to read for today. Once again, V was staring. She saw I was in trouble, and I noticed she was looking. We made eye contact, then she got up from the desk she took a seat on and announced "Don't overthink Question 5, guys, it's way simpler than you think." Thanks. Helpful. I wrote something in the end, but I'm not at all sure if it was right.

There are two things I noticed during this first period. One, the tattoos on her back. I've caught a glance of them before, though I'm not sure I ever told you the story, but I've never seen them so clearly. I won't tell you what they are, as I don't know exactly and I don't want to say something stupid, but it was a most pleasing moment. Two, no matter where in the classroom I might be sitting, she will look at me while talking. She's not talking to me, not directly, but when she turns her head towards the right half of the class, it's always in my direction. If I sit further from her, she'll look there. Now, that I sat closer, only two-three meters or so away from her, she turns her head more to the right, so she faces me again. Geez, V. Sunflower much?

We analysed poems, she made snarky comments, I made some unusual connections and she took the time to explain why a certain element is the way it is so I'll understand, it went like any other Literature class, to be honest. I even got another "I'm done with those boys, help" gaze.

Towards the end of the second (actually, third) class with her, we went into human behaviour, and saying things we don't mean. How people express their condolences, even if they don't actually feel sorry. V also basically explained how she rather doesn't say things she doesn't actually mean. As I said, very honest. Though her "I never did have a heart" comment wasn't true. We all know she does have one. And I think nobody in that class knows it more than me.

After class, we had this brief convo about keyboards and autocorrect as she waited for the bell to let us go, and... yeah. That was it.

I bought her the mask, it's on my desk with a post-it saying "[Last name]'s", so I don't confuse it with mine. And now I absolutely can't wait for Monday first period to give it to her. I can't wait to see those eyes.

Wear your masks, stay safe and remember: sometimes taking risks works out in your favour. It's worth a try.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

[turnabouttoothbrush]

Reckoning, Chapter Twelve

Today’s sporkers: Chill, Kiri, and Anna.

Anna: I just realized that in the last sporking, we said we were going to update @askprincessmyshkin in the next week.

Chill: Boy, that sure ended up happening, didn’t it?

Kiri: We literally don’t have an excuse anymore. All we’ve done for the past couple weeks is just lay in bed and slowly starve ourselves.

Anna: Shhh.

Chill: Roll fic!!

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Just thinking," he said. I smiled, but felt a little bitter.

"Just thinking…" I said, "about Luxord?" He didn't answer me and I knew I was right. "Did he injure your heart or your mind?" I asked, sliding my fingers along his chest. I was surprised when he shivered as I touched him. When he still didn't answer, I pushed him down gently.

"What are you doing Roxas?" He asked, clearly surprised as I kissed first his chest then his forehead, both deliberately slowly and lovingly.

"Whenever my dad would get angry and hit me when I was little, before my mother passed, she'd kiss me where I was hurt like that and I'd feel better," I said, running my fingers along the tattoos on his cheeks. "Was I wrong?" I asked, widening my eyes a little.

Axel smiled at me warmly. "No," he said, "I feel much better."

Kiri: *yawn*

I smiled down at the red-head, glad that I'd made him feel better.

Chill: I don’t know if anyone’s brought this up before-

Kiri: Probably, this sporking’s running on a bit long and we’re not rereading previous chapters before doing a new one.

Anna: When are we doing another intermission, again?

Chill: Anyway, this fic has a tendency of just kind of ending the chapter randomly in the middle of a scene and then picking up again literally half a second later in the next chapter. It’s really annoying, like, why end the chapter there? There’s no reason to.

Anna: Yeah, ending a chapter mid-scene should only happen if it’s a cliffhanger.

Chill: The way this fic is, it’s like the chapters just ended wherever the author decided they didn’t feel like writing anymore that day.

Kiri: Considering how short the chapters are, I believe that actually is the case.

"So are you gonna tell me about yourself?" I asked, still draped over him.

Axel laughed. "That's a lot of information. What do you want to know?" I pursed my lips, looking upward in thought. What to ask, what to ask… I ended up with going with the first thing off of the top of my head.

"Have you always worn boxers?" I asked.

Chill: Ah, I see we’re getting into the deepest facets of his characterization here. *nodnod*

I could tell he hadn't expected that, and saw amusement flash across his face before he laughed lightly.

"Yeah," he said, "have you? Or have you only ever worn mine?" he asked, fingering the black fabric he was referring to. I flushed a little before nodding, making him laugh again. I thought some more then asked more questions that came to mind.

"How did you become the leader of this gang?

Anna: Why does he have to stop and ponder twice before thinking to ask such an obvious question?

Kiri: Because he’s dumb. Next question.

Tell me about your family. Do you have any?" I asked, hoping I wasn't asking too much at once.

Axel looked at the ceiling searchingly for a few moments as if wondering where to begin. "I never knew my parents," Axel finally said. "My grandfather, who was the original head of my gang,

Kiri: Is this a street gang or the fucking mafia?

Chill: I don’t think the author knows the difference.

Anna: I think the only research the author did was watch West Side Story once or twice.

Chill: With The Godfather in between...?

didn't like my mother, so when my father died soon after we were born he took us away from her. He was very… influential."

"Us?" I asked.

Axel nodded, "Yeah, my twin brother Reno and I." Ahh, Reno. The person Axel'd killed Vexen for.

Anna: *as Roxas* He’d seemed unimportant, so I’d forgotten about him.

Axel paused, looking up at the ceiling again as he thought. "For some reason, the old man always liked me more, so when he passed on, he made me the leader of his gang about five years ago, not leaving Reno anything. Reno wasn't too happy about it. We ended up having a falling out and he left. I didn't hear any news of him until he joined Vexen's gang about a year ago just to spite me, since he knew that I hated the man and we were huge rivals."

Kiri: This is organized crime we’re talking about. He wouldn’t join a rival gang out of spite. He’d join a rival gang for a means to kill members of your gang, i.e. you, considering the jerk grandfather is dead. Yet you phrase it like he decided to go to a college whose sports team is at odds with grandpappy’s alum.

Anna: Again, West Side Story.

Kiri: People died in West Side Story!

He paused again to look at me. "I'd finally worked things out with him though about a month before I saw you for the first time," He said. "We'd just gotten on good terms again when got killed by Vexen."

"Your gang was started by your grandfather?" I asked,

Chill: *as Roxas* Your grandfather lived long enough to meet his grandchildren? And knew who his bastard children were well enough to know when they had bastards of their own?!

Kiri: I’d say the author has a romanticized view of gang life, but that would imply that it’s on some level based on reality.

thinking about the first thing he'd said and wanting to wipe the look of regret off of his face. I'd raised a question in my mind, even more so when he nodded. "But when we were at the hospital, a doctor said that the gang was new."

"Well," said Axel, "Most people confuse it for being new, since I implemented a lot of drastic changes and changed more or less everything.

Kiri: Of course, how he changed things will never be addressed.

Chill: But we know it involves more burning people alive! :D

Although my grandfather liked me, I wasn't so fond of him," Axel said a little bitterly. "I suppose it is newer than most of the gangs in town. Most've been around for far longer." I blinked, remembering what Zexion had said about using fire, wondering if that was new, but didn't press about it at all. I didn't want Axel to be mad at Zexion.

Anna: Considering it’s obviously part of the gang’s reputation, you could just say you heard it somewhere else.

Chill: Nah. Axel knows that Roxas doesn’t go anywhere or do anything without him and/or his cronies. Hearing it somewhere else implies Roxas has been somewhere else.

Anna: Oof.

"Why did you try to get to know me? What about me caught your attention?" I asked. The question had been brought on by the mention of Vexen.

Kiri: And totally not a desire to flatter your own ego.

Axel smiled, staring into my eyes once again.

"At first," he said, looking away as though he felt guilty, "I just wanted to steal you away from Vexen because we were rivals. Call it childish of me, but it's true."

Chill: Wow, literally admitting you see your partner as property/an object to be stolen and showboated. What number red flag is this by now?

Anna: It could be worse. It could be HIEQ2.

Chill: Hmmm.

I was about to scoff at him but then he opened his mouth to continue. "Even from a distance, I could tell that you were really pretty," he said, looking at me again, "but when I saw you up close, I thought you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen," he added, making me flush a little.

Kiri: *as Axel* So since you’re so hot and all, I figured that’d make for even better showboating, and the rest is history.

He smiled suddenly, at the remembrance our first encounter. "When you wouldn't look at me, even when we were alone, up until you rejected me, I became even more interested in you," he said

Anna: Telegraphing a lack of interest makes him more interested? What kinda creepy rapist shit is this?

Chill: +1 to the red flag count!

"What about after I rejected you?" I asked. "How did you feel about me then?"

"I wasn't resentful about it," he said, sighing, "Just… confused and a little upset. You were the first person to ever reject me in my entire life.

Kiri: Well, that explains the creepy rapist shit.

Chill: Haha, he’s just like the “One way or another, you will be mine!” villain from some bodice-ripping Mary Sue romance. They’re so used to having women ukes swooning at their feet that when the Strong and Independent™ Don’t Need No Man©️ lead rejects him, he gets obsessed and starts twirling his mustache and stuff.

Kiri: The main difference here is that Axel is not a villain and is, in fact, the love interest.

Anna: Didn’t Vexen have the exact same attitude, though?

I honestly was wondering if there was something wrong with me," He said. The statement made me feel guilty and angry at Vexen. "I almost didn't kill Vexen because I thought that you were happy," he said, recapturing my attention.

Anna: Seriously? He was gonna abandon his revenge quest just because the object of his vengeance had a hot boyfriend who might get sad?

"What made you change your mind?" I asked, shocked.

"Xaldin assured me that you were far from being even remotely happy," Axel said staring angrily at the ceiling. I made a mental note to thank Xaldin later. "He wouldn't say why, just that you weren't," Axel continued. "It was most likely to stop me from doing anything stupid, like going after the bastard all by myself."

Kiri: I don’t understand how these two concepts are related.

I nodded, remembering how he'd saved me from my dad all on his own. Not the wisest choice he'd made. He'd almost died for it.

"You would've forgone your plans for revenge for Reno, stood off to the side and watched me be happy with somebody else, just so that I could be happy? Even after I'd rejected you and even though you didn't know me?" I asked. I'd still been subconsciously tracing the tattoos on Axel's cheeks, but stopped as soon as I'd asked.

Axel looked at me. "Yes,"

Anna:

he said. "Perhaps I was just being irrational because I liked you a lot, call it love at first sight if you will, and I didn't want to hurt you."

I felt myself flush a little deeper at the confession. "Axel…" I whispered when a hand found its way to my face, caressing my cheek.

"I'm glad that I didn't have to though," he said. I smiled down at him.

"Me too," I whispered back.

Chill: This is corny. I thought I was corny.

Kiri: This scene exceeded WAFF and went to, I dunno, food poisoning.

Anna: Is it really WAFF if it’s got rape in it, though?

Kiri: There isn’t any in this chapter...

"Thanks for today," I said, after a long pause. "The funeral, the drive, the fissure; thank you so much for everything."

"…Roxas," Axel said, hesitantly.

"Yeah, Axel?" I asked.

"First, any more questions?" he asked. I shook my head no.

Kiri: Yo. Why was there a linebreak between this section of text and the last? It’s the same scene.

Chill: Not like we’d changed POV either or anything like that...

Anna: The author got bored mid-scene and ended it there for the day, then continued the chapter tomorrow. And failed to realize that just because you took a break writing there doesn’t actually mean you should put in a linebreak.

Kiri: It’s literally the same scene!

"Can I kiss you then?" he asked quickly after that, searching my face to see how I was taking his question. I was honestly surprised he'd asked. I'd never been asked for permission before.

I stared down at him, wide-eyed until he looked away. "Never mind," he said, sighing lightly and looking away. I scoffed at him for giving up before I'd even given him an answer. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to kiss me or not right at that moment, but the action had made me a little angry.

Chill: lol calm down

Gripping his chin I made him look at me. "Roxa-" was all he managed to say before I pressed my lips to his. I pushed my tongue inside his mouth in a forceful manner, briefly brushing it against his own tongue before pulling away. It'd only been a brief kiss, but I'd managed to turn his cheeks a light shade of pink.

Anna: Maybe the ‘change’ that the linebreak indicated was actually Roxas changing from a uke to a seme.

Kiri: Every time we use one of those terms I get instantaneously transported back to 2009.

Chill: This fic’s from 2009. Well, 2008-2011 anyway.

Kiri: Writing a fic for three years? Wild.

Chill: Aren’t you writing a fic longer than War and Peace?

Kiri: What’s your point? I started work on it June 2017 and if work continues at its average pace so far I’ll be done by this time next year. This fic’s only 89k words - counting author’s notes - while FeetGround’s at about 267k as of the time of this publishing.

Anna: Uh huh. And LAL was posted in April 2014 and the Janaverse still isn’t completed.

Kiri: I...! That...!! That’s different!!

"Did I say no?" I asked, looking down at him. He shook his head no, obviously surprised by my assertiveness.

Chill: *as Axel* Hey, that’s not how things are supposed to go!

"Then why did you give up?" I asked, bending back down, allowing him to slide his hand to the back of my neck.

"The look on your face… I thought…" he said, gripping the back of my neck lightly, stopping when I smiled at him.

"I was shocked," I said in an attempt to explain. "That's the first time anybody's ever asked for my permission to kiss me." I waited until a look of understanding came across his face before continuing. "The answer's yes, by the way," I whispered, just above his lips.

Anna: No shit?

Chill: *as Roxas now* Sure, I kissed you, but I just decided that the answer was actually no, so the campus rape police’ll be along shortly.

"If you get scared," Axel said before doing anything, "call my name to remember it's me.

Kiri: Okay, I kinda like that.

Chill: Why am I not surprised?

Kiri: Shut up.

Anna: How’s he supposed to call his name if he’s got his tongue down his throat?

If that doesn't work, tell me to stop, okay?" he asked, probably not wanting to scare me or make me cry again. I nodded. As soon as I did, Axel immediately raised his head just enough to capture my lips. I trembled against him as he ran his fingers along my neck, patiently waiting for me to open my mouth.

Anna: Haha, what? You were being all dominant a second ago, why are you shivering like a terrified virgin bride on her wedding night now?

Kiri: The seme-uke switch was a fluke and therefore very temporary.

I relaxed my jaw, allowing his warm, wet tongue to slip past my lips and part my teeth. My eyes fluttered shut as he began to explore my mouth slowly, as if memorizing it. I started to kiss him back but ended up gasping into his mouth when he pulled me closer and rolled so that he was on top. Axel tilted his head slightly before delving deeper into my mouth, urging me to participate again, which I did. By the time he pulled away I was breathless.

Chill: Why do I get the feeling that when Axel and Roxas finally smash it won’t be described as... sensually... as this kiss?

Anna: They’re still kissing?

"Can I continue?" he asked giving my lips a quick peck. I stared up into his emeralds,

Chill: wondering how much they were worth,

uncertainly, wondering what else he wanted to do… how far he wanted to go… before nodding in consent. It's not like I still had my virginity, so I wasn't nervous about going all the way,

Kiri:

Anna and Chill:

no, but every time I'd been raped, going all the way hadn't been a pleasant experience. It'd hurt like hell because I fought it.

Kiri: No, fucking really?!

Chill: I can’t decide if I like the implication that being raped is comparable to getting rained out at the beach, or that it wouldn’t have necessarily been an unpleasant experience if he hadn’t fought it.

Anna: I would have thought that being raped (RECENTLY) would make you way more nervous about going all the way than being a virgin would, but what do I know?

It didn't take long for Axel to kiss me again, then work his way down to my neck. I shivered, grasping his shoulders when teeth grazed my neck but shook violently, when he bit my neck, immediately reminded of Vexen. I shakily called his name twice, trying to keep myself from panicking. It wasn't working very well. I was just about to call his name for the third time when he pulled away from my neck and kissed me on the lips again, instantly calming me.

Chill: Is this the part where we make fun of them for using a safeword during vanilla sex?

Kiri: That’s enough.

Anna: At least they are using a safeword. Though if either one of them had a single brain cell to share it might have occured to them to get a rough idea of what Roxas is comfortable with beforehand.

Kiri: ...isn’t Roxas underage?

Chill: Haha, yeah.

"I'm tired," Axel said, probably not wanting me to feel bad for getting scared when he pulled away. "Wanna go to sleep?" I looked up at him gratefully for being so understanding before nodding.

Axel moved off of me, going to turn off the light as I got under the covers. When he came back he got under the sheets as well. I didn't protest when his arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me closer to him until my back was pressed against his chest. He murmured something into my hair that I didn't quite catch. "What?" I whispered, turning my face toward his.

Anna: *as Axel* I said I was gonna collect that ass eventually and I meant it.

"Nothing," he whispered, just before a feather soft kiss brushed against my cheek. "Goodnight, Roxas," he whispered, settling his head against his pillow.

"Goodnight, Axel," I whispered back before doing the same.

--

I woke the next morning, opening my eyes wide when I felt arms wrapped around me loosely. I was just about to elbow whoever it was in the stomach to cause them pain

Kiri: As opposed to all the other reasons you might elbow someone in the stomach.

while I made for the door, 

Kiri: Oh.

Chill: Well now it just sounds like he’s simultaneously elbowing someone on the bed and getting out the door on the other side of the room.

Anna: That’s a loooong elbow.

but froze when I looked over my shoulder first and saw that it was Axel. Maybe tomorrow I should face him before falling asleep, I thought, glad that I'd looked first. I turned around in his loose grip, trying to be careful so I wouldn't wake him up. My movements, no matter how small, however, must've woken him anyway. His brilliant green eyes fluttered open almost immediately.

Anna: He’s a light sleeper, because if he wasn’t then it’d be too easy for his bitch to escape. :)

"Roxas," he said, tiredly, "good morning."

"Good morning," I said, smiling at him apologetically as he yawned. "Sorry for waking you."

Axel just shook his head. "Don't worry about it," he said, looking distracted when he fully woke up.

"Is there something on your mind?" I asked, immediately getting pulled closer.

Kiri: Cliché morning wood setup?

Chill: *as Axel* You have to take care of it. Blue balls hurt, you know.

"Roxas," he said, seriously and tense. He relaxed a little when I raised my hand and ran my thumb along his cheek, "I know that you probably won't like what I'm about to say," he said, refusing to meet the intense gaze I was giving him, "but I want you to quit the gang."

I stilled my hand.

"What?" I whispered in disbelief.

Anna: I’m going to assume he’s in disbelief because that’s probably the first time in this whole fic that someone’s said something that reasonable.

Kiri: Yeah. We’ve already gone over ad infinitum why a street gang is a totally inappropriate environment for someone of Roxas’ background.

Chill: Even besides that, he kinda just got kidnapped and raped and stuff because of gang business on his literal first outing for them, so like... what the hell was he expecting here? Obviously he’d get kicked over that, he’s a danger to himself. And others. Demyx got shot because of him, right?

Anna: Though if Axel didn’t try to kick him out and the entire incident just kinda passed without further comment... I don’t think we would’ve noticed...

Kiri: Well, it’s not like it’s really occured to anyone else all fic that Roxas shouldn’t be in a bloody street gang.

Anna: It’s just gonna get milked for drama anyway. Even if Roxas isn’t technically part of the gang anymore he’s still gonna be hanging out with them foreverrrrr.

Chill: Because staying with the SO you had at age sixteen for the rest of your life is a good idea, right?!

Kiri: Urk.

Anna: Anyway, tune in next time for... drama milking...!!

To be continued!

[fmdtrevor-archive]

( * tattoos + piercings // headcanon

Note: Headcanons of Trevor’s tattoos and piercings and the stories behind them. Tattoos: Here, Here, Here Word Counter: 1,212

The first time Trevor saw a tattoo in person was on his eldest cousin. They were nineteen and he was six, and he was infatuated by it. He liked the way the colors stood out against her skin and how the design was so lifelike and realistic that he thought it was going to start moving. The tattoo was of a bird, a dove to be exact, and it covered the back of her right shoulder. His parents scolded her about it every time she came over to visit, and would tell Trevor and his younger brothers not to get one, but he already had it set in his mind that he was going to get one as soon as he came of age. 

... 

He got his first tattoo a lot sooner than he thought he would. He was only fourteen at the time, and it was the beginning of his rebellious years. His best friend’s older brother’s friend gave tattoo parties and would give people tattoos in the privacy of his own basement for no more than fifteen dollars. He took that as his chance to get his first tattoo - a lion’s head on his chest. It would be something he could easily hide with a shirt, and since he didn’t really go around shirtless around his family, it would be perfect. 

What wasn’t perfect was the amount of pain he was in during the entire three hour process. His best friend’s brother’s friend was good at what he did, but all the experience in the world didn’t make the experience any less painful or go by any faster. Of course, Trevor being Trevor, refused to make a peep the entire time, nor did he allow himself to shed a single tear. 

Of course when he got home and in the privacy of his own room, he cried himself to sleep. 

...

His next tattoo came surprisingly quick after that, only two or three months. He liked the way the lion looked on his chest, and he wanted to add to it. So on his fifteenth birthday, he went back to the same guy who did his first tattoo and had him add to it. At the time the added tattoo seemed smart and deep and meaningful, but when he looks at it today, he can’t help but regret it. He wishes he would have just left the lion alone, but he just had to go and add to it. 

Which is why almost a year later, a month or two before his sixteenth birthday, he had got the lion tattoo embellished as a cover up for the failed tattoo. All the while going back to the same guy who had done his first tattoo. They had become close friends since he had gotten his first tattoo, and now he could get tattoos whenever he wanted for free. 

... 

By the time he was seventeen, he didn’t bother hiding his tattoos anymore. They littered his arms and his chest, and he couldn’t be bothered to try to cover them up. His parents didn’t approve of them, obviously, and they never failed to tell him that. Whenever they saw his tattoos, so pretty much everyday, they would tell him how disappointed they were in the fact that he would mark up his “beautiful skin” like that. He would just roll his eyes and say “I thought my skin was too dark to be beautiful?” and he’d leave the room. 

...

His first piercings, his ears, were done before his first tattoo. He was thirteen years old, and it was something that his parents had agreed to allow him to have. He had wanted them after seeing his best friend with his ears pierced, and decided that he wanted to get them done so they could match. Out of all the things he’s had done to his body, getting his ears pierced was (obviously) the least painful out of all of them. When he first got them done, he thought he was the coolest guy on the planet. As soon as he was allowed to, he would switch his earrings everyday, sometimes twice a day, and had dozens of different pairs that he would pair with his outfits. Diamond studs, small hoops and even the dangly chain ones were types of earrings that he wore on a daily basis. 

...

His tongue piercing happened around the time he got his lion tattoo embellished, a few weeks after that. He had heard from one of his friends that tongue piercings made pleasuring other people even more pleasurable for the other person, and he had always thought they looked cool, so he decided to get it done. The pain, while more prominent than when he got his ears pierced, wasn’t too bad. It was just a harsh pinch and then a little soreness afterwards. The thing that bothered him the most was the healing process and being told that he couldn’t eat certain things for several weeks while the piercing healed. 

...

The last of his piercings and tattoos was the most painful of them all. He was eighteen years old and was drunk off his ass with some of his friends. They decided to go to some tattoo parlor just for shits and giggles, when one of his friends saw the piercing options and dared him to get one. Of course, Trevor’s not one to back down from a dare, especially when he’s drunk, so he asked which one. His friend closed his eyes and randomly pointed to one, and Trevor almost physically winced when he saw what he pointed at - Prince Albert. 

The actual piercing process didn’t hurt, although he was certain that was because he was incredibly drunk, but when he woke up the next morning he was really sore, and the soreness didn’t wear off for days. The healing process took six weks, and he definitely regretted his decision. Six weeks of healing meant six weeks without sex, and he felt like an idiot for listening to his drunk ass friends, but it wasn’t like he could change anything. 

...

Now that he’s an idol and tattoos aren’t that accepted in South Korea’s society, it takes him the longest out of everyone in Knight to get ready, because they have to spend so much time covering up all of his tattoos that could easily be seen in short sleeved shirts, or when he has to go shirtless. He had gotten the tattoos before BC had scouted him out, so it wasn’t like they could punish him for them. They had to accept him as he was. 

The process of covering up his tattoos is rather annoying, especially seeing as how all of Knight’s fans already know about his tattoos, but because of his status as a public figure in the spotlight, BC wants him to put forth the best image, so the tattoos have to be covered up. They’ve tried to get him to remove them a few times in the past, or at least the larger ones, but he’s refused to do so. He already lets them control where he lives and what he does, he’s not going to let them control his body too. 

[thewarlocksbitch]

I will be your: hands, eyes, heart

prev - chapter 4 - next

word count - 8.6k

thank you to chloe for beta editing

read it on ao3

+

Ronan didn’t show up to physics class Friday morning. Probably he was too wealthy to think of school as more than a pastime. A little annoyed, Adam flicked his pen in irritation – an unjustified and irrational irritation, he realized – and opened his book to take notes.

After physics was speech, and then chemistry. As soon as chem was dismissed Adam headed back to his dorm. Noah had said he would be at an all-day party - or it may have been a meditation club meeting, Adam couldn’t remember - so the dorm was empty and quiet when Adam got there.

It was lunch time, but Adam was too tired to make himself anything or to bother going to the cafeteria. He set an alarm to wake him up in a few hours and fell face first into bed.

When the alarm went off he got up and made himself a bowl of cereal, then sat cross-legged in bed, his notes and homework spread out in front of him, the cereal box at his knee. He only had a few hours before work, so he munched cereal and got as much done as he could.

+

The parlor was as busy as usual on a weekday evening, and Adam passed the time with ease making coffee runs, working behind the counter, and chatting with his co-workers. He’d just finished a short coloring job when a familiar man walked in.

“You’re just on time,” Adam told him. He set down the design he’d been idly working on and turned for the back. “Follow me.”

+

Ronan waited in the lobby for a while, and he wasn’t sure why he did. If he’d known Gansey would be so excited to make friends with Adam, he would have turned around the second he realized Adam worked here.

When it was Gansey and Ronan, it was GanseyandRonan. Nothing and no one had threatened that since high school. They were brothers, comrades in arms, a king and his gallant knight.

Ronan should have expected that Adam would be able to find his way between them. He was too smart, too kind, too interesting to not have caught Gansey’s eye. He was calculating where Ronan was impulsive, genial where Ronan was cruel. No wonder Gansey had been so badly impressed.

And it hadn’t taken any effort from Adam at all. He probably hadn’t even been aware of what he was doing.

Ronan checked his watch. It would have been more sensible to have gone to class this morning and talked to Adam there, and he regretted now the time he was wasting and the work he would have to make up. Ronan was about as adept at physics as he was happy about the prospect of studying it.

Finally, Adam emerged from a door in the back, an older man behind him. The man clapped Adam on the shoulder, his hand spread wide over Adam’s narrow frame, and Adam flinched.

Ronan took a step towards him, then stopped.

He watched as Adam slowly leaned away from the stranger until the hand fell from his shoulder and he was safely at his place behind the counter. His mouth drew down a bit when he saw Ronan waiting in the lobby.

“What’re you doing here?” he asked.

Ronan walked up to the counter and leaned on it with all his weight. A small, unhelpful part of his mind noticed that Adam was in work clothes today instead of what Ronan had taken to be his school clothes. Where Ronan had expected tattoos, his white tank revealed nothing but dark skin and freckles. “Gansey sent me. Who’s that guy?”

Adam’s frown deepened. “A client.”

Ronan looked over his shoulder and watched as the man left. “I didn’t know you could give guys tattoos in alleys,” he said. “And without your kit.”

Adam bristled. “Gansey sent you?”

Ronan shrugged and scratched at the leather bands around his wrist. “He thinks you’re nice and he’s tired of my antagonistic attitude. Plus, you showed interest in his king, so there’s no getting out of it now.”

Adam’s fair brow furrowed in distrust. “’It’?” he said.

“Pizza. Downtown. Greasy.”

Adam glanced at the monitor, uneasy or reluctant. “I… need to log in one more appointment before I leave,” he said, not quite looking at Ronan.

Ronan looked behind him. The lobby was empty; the only customers in the shop were already under the needle at the hands of the other artists.

“Just one more?” Ronan asked.

“Yeah.”

Ronan looked down at his new tattoo. It was still a little red around the edges, but a little more poking wouldn’t make it much worse. “I guess you can color in the petals on this.”

“What?” Adam said. “Are you serious?”

Ronan dug his wallet out of his pocket and handed Adam his card. “Yeah. It won’t take long, will it? Gansey wants us to meet him in half an hour.”

Adam looked ready to bristle again. His already tense posture and thinned lips showed this was probably something he did often. “It’ll take a few minutes.”

He was holding Ronan’s card between his thumb and forefinger like it was something nasty he’d picked up off the ground. Ronan glanced from the card to Adam’s face to the monitor. “What?” he said. “Can’t you go ahead and charge me before you do it?”

“That’s not…” Adam said, but he didn’t look interested in carrying the conversation any further. He quickly typed something on the keyboard, swiped Ronan’s card, and handed it back to him. He stepped out from behind the counter and glanced at Ronan over his shoulder. “Come on.”

Ronan followed Adam to the same chair he’d sat in last time and watched while Adam got his things ready. He shook his head at almost every color Adam showed him until finally Adam decided on white, a soft yellow, and the exact pink of Ronan’s work apron.

“Funny,” Ronan said.

Adam tore open the antiseptic wipe packet with his teeth and scooted closer on his stool. “Give me your hand,” he said.

Ronan looked around the parlor as Adam scrubbed the raw skin on and around his tattoo with more attention than Ronan thought was necessary. This was another reason why Gansey liked him; he was a meticulous worker. He had the hard-earned charm Ronan refused to acquire.

Most of the parlor’s space was overtaken by randomly placed stools and chairs that went mostly unused. It was a small area to begin with, made smaller by the dim lighting and the illusion of privacy. Ronan’s eye caught on a calendar across the room featuring tanned, beautiful women and expensive, more beautiful cars. He smiled. He’d given Gansey the same calendar for his birthday, once.

Ronan heard Adam’s gloves crinkle and looked over as he turned his pen on. It gave a happy whir and this time Ronan didn’t look away. Adam bent his head close over Ronan’s hand and air-traced the petals of the flower before picking one and pressing down. Ronan’s thumb twitched. Adam held it down with his own.

Adam was silent as he steadily colored in each petal, pausing as he was done with each to wipe away small pinpricks of blood and excess ink. When he was done he let Ronan look at the tattoo and nod his approval, then quickly wiped and wrapped it before Ronan could pull away.

Ronan debated tearing the bandage off, but instead he watched Adam put his things away and then lead him outside to the BMW.

“Wait,” Adam said when Ronan pulled open the driver’s side door. Ronan dropped his keys in the driver’s seat and looked back to see Adam standing at the rear bumper, his grip white-knuckled on the handlebars of a crappy looking bike. “Where can I-?”

“One sec,” Ronan said. He leaned in to pop the trunk. “Just throw it in the back.”

Adam’s long look into the back of the car had Ronan thinking it was full of hiking equipment or something else of Gansey’s the Pig didn’t allow, but when he went to Adam’s side and peered in he saw it was empty.

Adam made no move to put the bike in the car, so Ronan grabbed it from him. With some maneuvering and a lot of swearing, he got it secure.

A few seconds later Ronan was in the driver’s seat and Adam had carefully and silently buckled himself into the passenger’s seat. Ronan noticed Adam looking at his CD’s, but Adam kept his hands still in his lap. Ronan pulled the car out of the parking lot in a messy, rough slide and got them on the road. He didn’t mind the silence.

+

Ronan’s driving skills were, objectively, acceptable. He got Adam, himself, and the other contents of the car to a small diner in one piece.

Said diner was neon-lit, set far back from the street between an abandoned barbers shop and a laundromat, and extremely obvious in its attempt to seem shabby and secluded.

Ronan pulled in alongside an old orange Camaro Adam would have recognized as Gansey’s even if Gansey weren’t leaning against it. Gansey was dressed the same as he had been Monday, except tonight his polo was peach instead of aquamarine and a pair of ancient-looking wireframes sat low on his nose. His head was bent over a large, leather-bound journal in his hands, and he was so immersed in it he didn’t notice Adam and Ronan’s arrival until Ronan flicked his ear.

“Ouch,” said Gansey dispassionately. He shut the journal against his chest and slowly raised a hand to cup his ear. Then he noticed Adam and immediately put on his brightest smile. It was only a watt or two down from the presidential smile he’d given Adam the first time they’d met, but Adam thought it was an improvement nonetheless.

“Adam!” Gansey said joyfully. “Thanks for coming.” He held out a fist to Adam and after a moment Adam did the same. Ronan snickered as they shyly bumped fists.

“Lynch,” Gansey said, gesturing to the door. “Lead the way.”

As Ronan preceded them into the diner, Adam watched him and Gansey and their undeniable closeness, noticing the looks they shared every few seconds like they couldn’t enjoy anything without involving the other. Adam had previously thought it would make more sense to befriend Gansey rather than Ronan, but it was becoming clearer and clearer to him that he couldn’t have one without the other.

Adam slipped his hands into his pockets and looked around for an identifying sign or feature, but the diner seemed intent on keeping its interior obscure as well. Single paned mirrors hung over every checkerboard-print booth and flashy linoleum table, reflecting Ronan’s expensive watch and Adam’s own dusty reflection.

Adam found himself in the center of a booth seat, facing Ronan and Gansey and trying to remember the last time he’d gone out with people his age.

Elementary school had been a blur of uncommitted friendships that started and ended on the school bus, and middle school was one friend after another turned off by Adam’s reluctance to visit for too long and his inability to have anyone over. By the time he reached high school he hadn’t had any time for friends at all.

Now he didn’t talk much with anyone except for Noah, but Noah wasn’t here. Adam wished badly he could have invited him; his own social clumsiness would have been overshadowed by Noah simply sitting there.

Luckily, Gansey didn’t wait for him to strike up an interesting conversation. He set his giant journal on the table and flipped through it in chunks, giving Adam half-glimpses of diagrams and latin phrases and sketches of birds until he settled on a page entirely filled with cramped, urgent handwriting.

Ronan propped his head in his hands and stared at his reflection as Gansey turned the journal around to face Adam.

“After you mentioned Vortigern, I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I’d read more than just a mention of him before. So I went through my books again and I found this. He was a few centuries before Glendower, but look here-” Gansey jabbed at the bottom of the page, where he’d underlined Vortigern and believed to consult with the Fae and put in parentheses the Fae here are to Vortigern what Glendower’s magicians are to him?

“Ronan and I found a faerie ring on Friday. I heard what I think may have been voices when I held my arm over it. Voices of faeries,” he paused, for emphasis or to gauge Adam’s reaction, but Adam very decidedly kept his eyes on the journal. Gansey went on, “Vortigern was said to take advice from faeries and traveled with them in the same way Glendower did his magicians. They both used the ley lines. It can’t be a coincidence, don’t you think?”

A waitress showed up then, saving Adam from having to answer. She wore an apron tied at the waist of her loose jeans and a brown tee reading LADY PRESIDENT. She was attractive in a way Adam couldn’t help noticing, even as his mind reeled from everything Gansey had just said.

“Hi, I’m Blue, and I’ll be your server tonight. Can I get your drinks?” She asked, in an accent that was unmistakably Henrietta. Her eyes skipped from Gansey’s fancy clothes to Ronan’s pissy expression and finally settled on Adam.

“Water, please,” Adam said, trying to figure out if he remembered her from somewhere or if it was only her accent making her seem so familiar. She definitely looked his age with her spiky hair and round, chubby face. Perhaps he’d seen her in passing on campus.

“Coke,” Ronan said to her reflection. He was staring at his tattoo in the mirror; he’d taken the wrap off his hand at some point and his reddened skin almost hid the new pale colors on the petals.

“Coffee,” said Gansey distractedly, his attention focused on his journal. “With a lot of sugar, please.”

Adam watched Blue walk away. She was very pretty, but there was no way he’d try talking to her when he hardly knew the two boys he was with.

Gansey had again lost himself in his journal, which he seemed to be somewhat successfully reading upside down. Adam tried prompting him back to reality with, “Why are you looking for Glendower, exactly?”

Gansey looked up to meet Adam’s gaze. “Do you believe in coincidences, Adam?”

“I guess it depends,” Adam said carefully.

“I told you about the legends of sleeping kings, and I told you that I think, after he disappeared, Glendower became one of them.” Gansey’s gaze became heavy, measuring. He glanced at Ronan, then seemed to decide something. “I don’t mean this as a metaphor, Adam. I truly believe that Glendower is still alive, sleeping underground. And I believe that it’s my responsibility to find him.”

“You believe he’s been sleeping for centuries,” Adam said. “Actually sleeping. Kept alive by magic.” He couldn’t think of anything but to repeat Gansey’s words. They were unreal. Impossible. Laughable.

“Yes,” Gansey said, his eyes alight like they had been back at the parlor. “And I believe that when I find him and wake him up, he will grant me a favor.”

“And he’s on a-” Adam faltered. He looked from Gansey to Ronan, waiting for one of them to laugh, waiting to be made fun of. But Ronan was checking his teeth in the mirror, and Gansey’s face was still terribly earnest.

“What exactly are ley lines?” Adam asked.

Ronan leaned against Gansey and into Adam’s space. “They’re energy lines that run beneath the ground. Gansey followed them to find clues on Glendower in Henrietta, but here they’ve only led to rocks and fucking faeries.”

“We think the faeries are taking energy away from the lines,” Gansey said hurriedly. “The energy from the ley lines concentrates so strongly around the ring that I can’t get readings on anything else.”

Again Adam waited for one of them to laugh at him. Again Ronan checked his teeth. Again Gansey looked earnest. “You think faeries are taking energy from a sleeping Welsh King?”

“He’s a scientist,” Ronan told Gansey, “you’re going to scare him off.”

“Right,” Gansey said importantly. “Adam, come with us to the forest. You can see the energy readings for yourself.”

Blue showed up with drinks, again saving Adam from having to immediately answer Gansey, and because Adam had been watching Gansey he saw the minute widening of his eyes.

When they ordered their drinks, Gansey had been too absorbed in searching his journal for notes to notice Blue at all. Now he was staring.

Blue set all of their drinks down. She took out her notepad and caught Gansey’s eye. “Yes?” she said.

“What?” Gansey managed to stammer the single syllable.

Ronan made an unkind sound.

“Are you ready to order?” Blue rephrased, arching an eyebrow.

“Of course,” Gansey said quickly. He pushed his wireframes up on his nose and glanced down at the menu, then at Adam. “Are you okay with sharing a pizza?”

Divided between them the cost would be pretty cheap. Adam nodded.

Blue tucked her notepad back into her apron. “It’ll be right out,” she said. She turned for the kitchen.

“Excuse me,” Gansey said, a little too loudly. Blue looked back at him. Her eyebrow was definitely arching higher by the second. “What’s your name?” Gansey asked.

Blue didn’t roll her eyes, but it was a near thing. Ronan laughed. Again Gansey looked extremely embarrassed.

“It’s Blue,” she said, and walked away.

“Does she not like me?” Gansey asked Adam and Ronan, a little hectically. “Blue. That can’t be her real name, can it? That’s a… color. Was she lying?”

“I think she was offended,” Adam said delicately, “because she already told us her name. Earlier. When she took our drink orders.”

Gansey dropped his face into his hands, skewing his glasses. “Oh, god,” he said.

Ronan looked away from the mirror to punch Gansey in the arm. “Shit, man,” he whispered. “Are you blushing?”

“Shut up,” Gansey muttered.

Adam was very glad he’d kept quiet about his attraction to Blue. He was also glad to see this boyish, embarrassed side to Gansey.

“Faerie hunting,” Ronan said to Adam. “Magic shit. Tomorrow. You in?”

“Are you really serious?” Adam asked.

“Yeah,” Ronan said. “And you gotta make sure you bring garlic, in case they get testy.”

“That’s vampires, asshole,” Adam said, and Ronan laughed.

The laughter surprised Adam. He glanced at Gansey and saw that he was smiling. Loosely. Lazily. Looking between Ronan and Adam. And Adam felt that maybe this was what he had been lacking.

They didn’t say anything about it, and Gansey filled the comfortable lull in conversation with random facts about Glendower and ley lines until their pizza arrived, and then there was much more eating than talking.

Finally the pizza was gone and paid for - with a rather heavy tip left by Gansey - and Gansey was discreetly watching Blue walk away as he finished off his coffee. Ronan hit him over the head when he was done and pushed him out of the booth.

Adam got his bike out of Ronan’s BMW himself and bid the two boys goodbye while Gansey was distracted with something in his Camaro and Ronan was busy leaning into the car but being otherwise unhelpful.

Adam walked his bike around the corner of the restaurant and stopped. Because Blue was standing there, not smoking or on her phone but looking up at the stars. Adam’s bike creaked as he walked up to her.

“Hi, Blue,” he said.

“Hi,” Blue said uncertainly.

Adam stuck his hand out. “Adam,” he said.

Blue shook his hand, then peered around his shoulder. “Where are your friends?”

“Driving home, I guess. I live on campus so I’m going the other way.”

Blue accepted that without comment and looked away. She didn’t seem to be annoyed with Adam, but she did seem very annoyed.

“I’m sorry about Gansey,” Adam said. “About him not remembering your name. I don’t know him well, but I think he’s a good person. He felt bad about offending you.”

Blue smiled, a little. She dug her hands into the front pockets of her jeans and rocked forward on her heels. “Rich boys should have enough sense of responsibility to apologize for themselves,” she said.

Adam couldn’t say he didn’t agree with her. “I know. I think he just didn’t want to bother you any more.”

Blue shrugged. “Thanks.” She looked past Adam’s shoulder again, but neither Gansey nor Ronan appeared.

“Well,” Adam said, “It was nice meeting you. Have a good night.”

“Wait,” Blue said, stepping closer. “I overheard…were you guys talking about ley lines?”

“Oh,” Adam said, surprised. “Yeah, he was. Gansey, I mean. He’s using them to find a Welsh king, but I don’t know much about them.”

“Oh, okay,” Blue said. She toyed with a patch on the thigh of her jeans. “That’s interesting. Well, thanks for apologizing, even though you shouldn’t be the one apologizing.” She pointedly glanced at the watch on her wrist - a plastic one like Adam’s. “My break is over, so, bye.”

Adam waved. “Bye.” He watched Blue walk away for a moment, then climbed onto his bike and pushed off the sidewalk. He wanted to be in bed already with the lights off. He needed some quiet to think. His head was full of fanciful things - magical energy lines and faeries and sleeping king’s miles underground - rather than the history homework he wasn’t yet finished with or the money he needed to make by the end of the week.

Adam’s bike bumped onto the sidewalk. He almost couldn’t focus enough to keep it in a straight line. No one could sleep for centuries. Faeries were nothing more than a children’s tale. Any energy running beneath the ground was either manmade or scientifically explainable. Adam was hard-wired not to believe in anything without science and proven facts supporting it. He couldn’t start accepting things at face value after an entire life of never believing anything without proof.

And then there was Gansey. Adam was not in the business of giving people chances, as people tended to disappoint him, but there was something about Gansey that rubbed him the wrong way. Or, rather, the right way. There was something admirable about believing in magic just because you really wanted to.

Just as Adam reached the end of the sidewalk and paused at the stop sign, headlights - from behind him, not from the street in front of him - illuminated his path.

Adam looked over his shoulder just in time to see the orange Camaro give a wet cough and stutter to a stop in the middle of the road. The shark-nosed BMW behind it honked and nudged its rear bumper. When the Camaro was unresponsive, the BMW pulled to the side of the road and its engine cut off a second later.

Adam waited to see if Ronan would get out to help Gansey, but he remained hidden behind dark tinted windows. The Camaro shuddered again. Adam turned on his bike and pedaled over to the passenger-side window.

Gansey rolled down the window at Adam’s approach. “I was going to drive up behind you and offer you a ride home, but,” he gave a short, self depreciating laugh. Then he slowly leaned forward until his forehead was pressed to the thin steering wheel.

Adam looked in at the interior of the car and then at the steaming engine. It wouldn’t take him long to figure out the problem. Daringly, he asked, “Do you want me to fix it for you? I know a bit about cars.”

That laugh again. Gansey ran one hand over the dashboard, slowly, like he was paying attention to its every detail. “I’ve had this car for four years and I still have to call a mechanic every time it breaks down. Could you teach me how to fix it instead?”

“Yeah,” Adam said as Gansey got out of the Camaro. “Sure.”

Together they wrestled the car to the shoulder, taking turns pushing and steering. It wasn’t until the car was completely over that Adam heard the door to the BMW slam shut. A second later Ronan had taken up post at the Camaro’s side. He didn’t say anything but stared Adam down to the point it was uncomfortable. Adam leaned his bike in the grass beside the Camaro’s back tire and followed Gansey to look at the engine.

“You said this happens often?” Adam asked.

“It does,” Gansey said, his voice fond. “Back at home I’m on a first name basis with every roadside mechanic there is. Since moving up here the Pig’s breakdowns have been quite unpleasant.”

Adam thought perhaps they had been quite unpleasant because Charleston’s locals were by nature wary of rich college boys in bright polos, but he wasn’t about to tell Gansey this. Spotting what had most likely lead to the Camaro’s demise, he leaned over and reached in. The smell and feel of gasoline and grease was at once comforting and tiring.

He wasn’t ready yet to say Aglionby, so he didn’t know why he said, “You and Ronan went to Aglionby Academy, right?”

“Yes, we did. What about you? I don’t think you mentioned it the other night.”

“Mountain View,” Adam said. Then, in a rush, “Actually, I went to Aglionby for freshman year. I was on a partial scholarship, but I couldn’t pay for a second year.”

“You paid your way through a year of Aglionby on your own, too?” Gansey said.

There was no judgement in his tone, only curiosity; and maybe, if Adam wasn’t imagining it, respect. After a moment Adam nodded. “I worked three jobs. One was as a mechanic.”

Gansey made a sort of awed sound, his smile wide as he looked at Adam. “It’s amazing that we’re just now meeting. It’s amazing that we’re meeting at all, really.”

Ronan gave a dry huff of a laugh. “Gansey doesn’t believe in coincidences,” he said.

Gansey pointed a meaningful finger at Ronan, then said to Adam, “You’re some sort of genius, from what I’ve heard from Ronan. You could help him study sometime, if you were feeling charitable.”

Adam glanced at Ronan and got a sour look in response. “Would anyone actually volunteer for that?” he asked.

Gansey laughed. “Maybe not. I might end up having to hang up flyers. My Latin isn’t the best.”

“I don’t need help in Latin,” Ronan growled.

Adam showed Gansey what had clogged the Camaro’s lungs and how he’d temporarily fixed it. “You can probably get home with it the way it is, but you need to get it to a shop as soon as you can.”

“Thanks, Adam,” Gansey said warmly. “I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here.”

“You probably would’ve had to beg a mechanic to put up with you long enough to fix it again,” Ronan said.

“Thanks,” Gansey said to Ronan. He closed the hood and turned to Adam, his hands on his hips. He didn’t seem to notice he was staining his polo shirt with grease. “I’ll give you a lift home, since Ronan is preoccupied.”

Ronan shook his keys at Gansey. “Don’t get all pissy.”

“Don’t murder your car,” Gansey replied.

“Bye Dad,” Ronan said happily, “don’t wait up.”

Adam and Gansey waved Ronan down the street, then folded Adam’s beat-up bike into the Camaro’s beat-up trunk. Gansey didn’t have a wide collection of CD’s like Ronan, and his radio didn’t seem to work, either. Adam looked out the window and watched the dim streetlights and half-lit storefronts as they drove by.

The short car ride was mostly silent, broken up by random Glendower trivia from Gansey and coughs from the Camaro that made them both hold their breath.

Gansey drove through campus and dropped Adam off right at his dorm building. He was smiling, fidgety, his wave too enthusiastic when Adam got out of the car. Adam got his bike out of the trunk himself, knocked on the hood, and turned for his dorm. The Camaro gave a happy honk at his back and ambled away.

Adam chained his bike outside the door and silently made his way up the stairs. He was confused. Excited. Nervous. He didn’t understand how a person like Gansey could spend years obsessing over a dead Welsh king and he didn’t understand how a person like Ronan could spend years enabling him. He wondered what he would see when they took him to the forest. He wondered if Gansey and Ronan were just crazy. He wondered where Ronan had gone.

Noah wasn’t home. Adam left the kitchen light on for him and fell into bed without even taking his shoes off.

+

Early the next day Adam found himself waiting outside his dorm building, already shivering in his thin t-shirt. Virginia summers stretched themselves languidly over the calendar with hanging humidity and persistent sunshine - today would definitely be too hot for comfort - but he was feeling jittery nothenless.

Before long the Camaro noisily rolled up, looking somewhat aggrieved to be living another day. Ronan had an arm hooked over the passenger window and expensive looking sunglasses perched on his nose.

“Get in, loser,” he said. “We’re going Faerie hunting.”

As Adam clambered into the back of the Camaro, he heard Gansey ask Ronan, “Did you really just use a ‘Mean Girls’ reference?” and Ronan reply, “No the shit I did not.”

“You did,” Gansey insisted. He grabbed his headrest and wrenched himself around to face Adam. “Adam. Good morning. I wrote down what we know about the faerie ring so far, if you want to take a look,” he handed Adam the thick leather-bound journal he’d brought to dinner last night, already open to a page full of handwritten notes.

Adam skimmed through the notes. They were mostly a repeat of what Gansey had told him last night, if only more organized and with more quoted sources. The page on faeries was the furthest back and one of the few that was covered entirely in Gansey’s writing; the rest of the journal was glued together and folded over with newspaper clippings, taped in old photographs and letters and brittle, yellowing paper.

He ended up paging idly through the journal, his eyes skipping over drawings and diagrams and randomly cut and ripped pages without taking anything in. There was no point in reading any of this without having proof that it was true, and Gansey would tell him anything he wanted him to know anyways.

Adam closed the journal and set it down on the seat beside him. He leaned forward against his seatbelt. In the rear view mirror, Gansey was sunny and smiling, the picture perfect model for a summer catalogue or a relaxed family portrait where everyone wore matching outfits and the easy confidence of old money.

One arm still hooked over the open window, his eyes closed against the breeze and sun, Ronan looked much more human and real. He was sweating and very clearly pissed off, though Adam didn’t know if that was because of the sweating or something else entirely. Probably it was both.

Adam looked down to where Ronan’s jeans creased at his thigh. His hand hovered over something there. Something that tilted its head towards Adam when he made a startled noise.

“Gansey,” Adam said. “Ronan has a bird.”

“What?” Gansey said, loudly to be heard over the engine. He was looking between Adam and Ronan like he expected them to be fighting and seemed confused that Ronan was, for all appearances and purposes, dead to the world. Gansey shut off the air co to hear Adam better. Immediately Ronan groaned and opened his eyes.

“Ronan has a bird,” Adam said. “A raven?” The bird ruffled its feathers and turned its head from side to side, peering at Adam with both eyes.

“Raven,” Gansey confirmed. “She’s Ronan’s. Her name is Chainsaw.” He frowned at Ronan. “You haven’t introduced them yet?”

Ronan gestured irritably between Adam and the raven. “Adam, Chainsaw. Chainsaw, Adam. It’s balls hot. Turn the fucking AC back on.”

Gansey did and the wheeze of overworked vents again joined the rumbling of the Camaro’s engine. Ronan didn’t close his eyes again. Instead he stared out the window, the furrow to his brow complicated. Chainsaw made a raspy noise and ruffled her feathers. Ronan laid a hand over her head and she was quiet.

“We’re almost there,” Gansey told Adam, his smile lifted to the rear view mirror.

“There” turned out to be a fork from the main road that, after a few miles, became a dirt path, and, a few miles after that, became a dead end.

Adam, Gansey, Ronan, and Chainsaw emerged from the Camaro as a single entity. Immediately Chainsaw hurtled herself into the air. Adam watched Gansey and Ronan tilt their heads back, back, back. They both looked extremely pleased, fully in their element with the Camaro gleaming at their backs and the forest stretching out in front of them, waiting to be explored.

Adam looked up to see Chainsaw circle the sky once before gliding down to land on Ronan’s shoulder. She pressed her body to the side of Ronan’s neck and rubbed her beak against his ear, either in apology for taking off or some other reason Ronan seemed to understand.

Gansey caught Adam’s eye and beckoned him over. He was holding a gadget Adam had never seen before in one hand and his journal in the other.

“This is an electromagnetic frequency reader,” Gansey said. “It measures the energy along the ley line. Here. I want you to hold it. That way you can see for yourself how the energy acts on and off the ley line. And especially how it acts near the ring.”

Adam took the EMF from Gansey. It was already on, and it blinked unsteadily between two red and orange lights. A wavelength spiked on a thin screen between them.

“We’re directly on the line right now,” Gansey said. He pointed to Adam’s feet. “Move over. Just two feet to the left.”

Adam did. The readings fell to orange. He stepped two feet to the right. They blared red.

Adam was acutely aware of Gansey watching for his reaction, though he wasn’t sure what to think yet.

“This could be picking up from anywhere,” he said.

“It only picks up electric and magnetic energy,” Ronan said, suddenly at Adam’s back. He reached over Adam’s shoulder and tapped the screen. “What else could it be picking up? We’re in the middle of nowhere.”

“No power lines within ten miles,” Gansey said, sounding supremely happy. “No buildings. Nothing but us and the trees and the things in the trees. Come on.”

Adam followed the two boys and Chainsaw into the forest. Early morning sunlight filtered through the trees, turning over motes in the air and blinding Adam. He averted his eyes. In front of him, Gansey was walking parallel to a stream like a tightrope, putting one foot directly in front of the other. At his side Ronan swore at the uneven terrain and stumbled as the path became increasingly steeper.

The light dimmed the farther they walked. After twenty minutes of trekking Adam looked down at the EMF. He slowly let himself zone out. It was easier to pay attention to the device in his hands than the others. Easier to adjust his direction when the energy fell on either side. It kept him in an almost perfect straight line, right on the rockbed.

Ahead of him, Ronan and Gansey stopped suddenly, Chainsaw flapping uncertainly above them. They had reached the edge of a cliff that would take some maneuvering to descend. Gansey caught Adam’s eye, then pointed to where the stream they’d been following suddenly veered below them, cutting off the path.

“Make sure you watch the readings when we cross that,” he said, “they’re going to rise considerably.”

“Your cell phones,” Adam said suddenly. “What about them?”

“Hmm?” Gansey said pleasantly, understandably unable to follow Adam’s trail of thought.

“Couldn’t they register on the frequency reader, and the readings could have been consistent this whole time just because they’re in your pockets?”

“The signals from them aren’t strong enough to register,” Ronan said. “Besides, my phones in the car and Gansey shut his off.” He jumped down the cliff side and skidded the rest of the way down the path, either not understanding how physics applied to his body or he just didn’t care. Chainsaw screeched “Kerah!” and flew after him.

“We’re almost there,” Gansey told Adam, smiling. “You’ll see.”

Adam and Gansey picked their way down the cliff, then followed the ley line to the stream. The readings spiked as Adam picked his way across the stepping stones, but not so much that Adam would have noticed if he hadn’t been watching for it.

Adam wondered what kind of person Ronan really was to so loyally follow Gansey on his search.

Adam’s feet hit solid land and he opened his eyes; he didn’t remember closing them. Gansey had stepped aside so Adam would have an unobstructed view of the clearing in front of him, but Ronan had gone all the way to the edge of the ring.

It was clear now to Adam why Gansey believed the ring to be magical. Right next to Ronan’s scuffed boots, set up in a perfect circle like they’d been put there with meticulous care, were round stones and fungi, all bathed in the gentle light.

Adam stepped closer, and he let the electromagnetic frequency reader drop to his side. He was too bothered by how perfect and out of place it looked to focus on the readings, too shaken by his own pulse suddenly pounding in his ears.

He walked past Gansey. Something in him spasmed as he went to Ronan’s side, just outside of the ring. Then the line went dead under him.

Adam hadn’t named the energy he’d been feeling since stepping into the forest. He hadn’t wanted to. But now that it was gone there was no doubt that it had been there.

Gansey murmured something at Adam’s left side.

Adam turned to face him. “Sorry,” he said. “What did you say?”

“Check the frequency reader.”

Adam did. He wasn’t surprised to see that the readings had gone dead.

“Now,” Gansey said excitedly, “hold it out past the ring.”

Adam did. He was aware of Gansey watching him, and he was aware of Ronan going tense. Something whispered inside his deaf ear, but it was too quiet for him to make any sense out of it.

Adam handed the EMF back to Gansey. Then he stepped into the circle.

Ronan snarled something, but he was too far away for Adam to hear. Adam’s hands became heavy. He looked down at them. A single blackberry had fallen into each of his palms. Or had they appeared?

“Your friend,” a voice whispered in his deaf ear again, only it was clear now. Adam closed his eyes. He let the berries fall from his hands. The sound of them hitting the leaves at his feet was too loud to seem real. “The dead one. Where is he? He was just here.” It wasn’t a voice; it was voices. They were high and fluting, inhuman. They screeched something, and then they were dancing around Adam, their flimsy nails scraping over his neck and shoulders, their chalk-like feet beating an invisible dance around him. It was too much, too loud, too real.

“Stop,” Adam said. He opened his eyes. His heart was beating too fast. His own hands were wrapped around his neck. Gansey was standing in front of him with his hands around Adam’s wrists.

“Adam?” he said. Sweat was shining on his upper lip.

Adam allowed himself to be pulled out of the ring. “This has happened before,” he said. “In Henrietta. I haven’t heard the voices before, but I’ve felt this.”

Ronan made a sound like a bark. “What do you mean? Feel what?”

“The ley line,” Adam said. “Except I didn’t know it was the ley line last time.”

“Really? Where were you last time?” Gansey finally let go of Adam. His eyes on Adam were hungry, excited. Behind him Ronan’s expression was unreadable.

“It was some forest, I don’t know where. I was lost and it started to storm and I couldn’t see, but I could feel energy beneath me. I followed it to the main road. I’d convinced myself that I’d imagined it by the time I got home.”

“What does it feel like?” asked Gansey in a rush. “Tell me exactly.”

Adam had to remind himself that Gansey was earnest, not demanding. The look on Gansey’s face made him want to be careful, made him want to consider his thoughts before he let them take shape. He focused on the energy beneath him again and struggled to explain, “It’s like a pull. It’s like when you lick a battery, or… how you can tell if a hose is running by touching it. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”

“You heard voices?” Gansey asked. “Could you tell what they were saying?”

“They… asked about my dead friend? They wanted to know where he is. They said he was just here.”

Adam had closed his eyes again while focusing on the line without realizing it. He opened them to see Gansey furiously writing in his journal.

“Strange,” Gansey said, tapping his pen too many times at the end of a sentence. “Last time, and just now, too, when I was inside the ring, I couldn’t hear any definite words. I don’t understand why you can.” He was quiet for a moment, then pointed a very serious finger at Adam and asked, “You’ve never been struck by lightning or anything, have you?”

“I… haven’t,” Adam said cautiously.

Gansey nodded as if Adam had said something exceptionally intelligent. He wrote in his journal for another minute, then stared at it for a few minutes more before looking up at Adam again.

“I don’t remember if I told you this,” he started, “but the fae are believed to live on a separate timeline, or in a parallel universe, even, to us, and faerie rings serve as a sort of gate to the human world for them.”

Gansey stepped away from the ring and began to pace between Adam and Ronan.

“Ley lines mess with time,” he said. “If you say something while standing on the line, you could hear it echoed back to you years later, or even years before you said it. I think you’re connected to the ley line somehow. That’s why you can feel its energy, and that’s why you can hear the voices.”

Gansey stopped pacing and crossed his arms. He stared at the ground and pressed a pensive thumb to his lower lip.

“I think they were talking about Glendower,” he said suddenly, looking up at Adam and Ronan. “I think they know where he is.”

“They said dead, not sleeping,” Ronan said. He was beginning - no, continuing - to look very pissed off.

“They might consider sleeping to be basically dead,” Gansey argued. “Some legends say he isn’t truly alive, but will live again when he’s woken.”

“None of this makes sense,” Adam said. “I’m not denying that I can feel the line or that I heard voices, but how do you explain this?”

“I can explain some of it to you,” Gansey said. “But most of it you just have to believe is real.” He looked at Ronan. His eyes were full of a fierce and uninhibited joy. “You found Glendower’s magician.”

“I beg your pardon?” Adam said.

Ronan gestured animatedly with his hands. Chainsaw flapped indignantly on his shoulder. “Gansey doesn’t actually think you’re the reincarnation of some long dead magic freak,” he said. “So don’t get all sweaty. He’s just excited.”

Adam ignored that with all the good grace he could muster. Again his thoughts were spinning too fast, but now that there was proof behind them it wasn’t as overwhelming.

This was just a different kind of science.

“What now?” he asked.

Gansey grinned. “Now we find Glendower.”

+

Later, hours later, Gansey was tired.

In the time after the forest, after the faerie ring, after writing everything down and running it over in his head until it made him sick, Gansey could not find it in himself the feeling that he deserved this.

He had searched for so long. In Washington, in Wales, all over the world, but it had never been enough. It had never been close to enough.

And then he found Henrietta, and Ronan, and something had settled itself comfortably in the cavity of his ribs, but still the longing had remained. Henrietta had been home - Henrietta was home - but it wasn’t the means to an end. It was small clues and finds, days spent exploring and nights spent researching. He had known it wasn’t where he would find Glendower.

He didn’t find Glendower, and then he and Ronan finished their last year at Aglionby, and it felt a little like the world was ending. Gansey had felt sick leaving Henrietta. He hadn’t expected to find anything in Charlottesville.

He couldn’t stop replaying the day’s events in his head. He couldn’t decide if Adam himself was magical, or if the forest was only enabling him, and he couldn’t decide whether it mattered. Again he considered Adam, the constant furrow to his fair brow, his specific way of moving and speaking. Gansey couldn’t believe a person like Adam had found his way into his life. He couldn’t believe that Ronan was the one that had found him.

Gansey leaned forward on his bed, accidentally causing his phone to fall to the floor. He ignored it. He flipped through the book in front of him, desperate to research, to take notes, to find a new lead.

But there was nothing. Nothing about faeries, at least. He’d have to order some books tomorrow. He’d have to convince Ronan to go to class, and then convince him again to do his homework. He’d have to ask Adam to go to the forest again. He’d have to, he’d have to, he’d have to.

Gansey shut the book and leaned back in bed. Maybe he wouldn’t have to ask. Maybe they were already friends.

He hadn’t wanted to wait. He hadn’t wanted this space of unsureness. Of not knowing whether Adam liked him, whether Adam believed anything he said. He had wanted to take Adam back to the apartment immediately after the forest, to show him more, to give him the proof he needed, but Ronan had punched him on the arm and said, some people have jobs, Gansey.

Gansey pulled a mint leaf from the plant beside his bed and put it on his tongue. He could hear Ronan in his room, the restless creak of his bed as he rolled in it, the dull beat of music from his headphones. Gansey thought to check the time, then thought better of it. He scrubbed a hand over his eyes and readjusted his glasses.

Ronan’s door scraped open, and a second later Gansey heard the sounds of approaching fiends: the quiet taps and flaps of Chainsaw’s wings and claws, the carefully careless thuds of Ronan’s bare feet.

Ronan appeared in the doorway, naked except for his boxers and the headphones wrapped around his neck. The darkness made his sharp edges look less like warning signs and more like the parts of Ronan that were just a little harder to understand. It complimented his tattoo, disappeared the thin line of his mouth. He was already a terribly handsome boy, but the darkness made him all the more terrible.

He looked more like the current, dangerous version of himself than ever, but maybe if Gansey took off his glasses he would be able to see some of the old Ronan. Maybe there would be some of the old softness in his aura, or in his eyes as he looked down at Chainsaw. Maybe the flower tattoo on his thumb would seem brighter.

Ronan knocked softly. The wires from his headphones were tangled together below his neck, looking like a mockery of the ties he had knotted with so much contempt back in their Aglionby days.

There was a phrase to be remembered here, Gansey thought, one his father liked. A loose tie shows loose morals. But Gansey couldn’t remember when it had ever applied to him, or his ability to properly tie a tie. Ronan would laugh at him if he ever said it aloud.

“Hey,” Ronan said. He shut the door behind him and went to sit at the foot of Gansey’s bed. Chainsaw chirped happily as she started for Gansey’s dirty laundry.

“Can’t sleep?” Gansey asked, more to keep with tradition than anything else.

Ronan shrugged. He took the book Gansey was reading from him and paged through it, quick. He was obviously trying very hard to seem unbothered by whatever was bothering him, which was strange enough that Gansey let him pretend instead of calling him out on it. Ronan pushed the book away and grabbed Chainsaw from the floor. She allowed him to pet her beak and the sides of her face.

“What do you think of Adam?” Ronan asked.

Oh, Gansey thought. He didn’t think they’d be having this conversation so soon. He shut his book and set it aside. “I like him,” Gansey said. “He’s nice.”

Ronan looked up. “Just nice?” he asked.

Gansey shrugged. It wasn’t an eloquent thing to do, but it was late, and he was out of eloquent things and thoughts. “You know what I mean,” he said. “He’s good people.”

He thought about Adam. About his presence. The realness of him. The way talking to him felt more like talking to Ronan than talking to another student, another peer. He thought about the way Adam watched him and Ronan, and he thought about the way Ronan watched Adam.

Gansey knew what Ronan was like around people. He knew how Ronan would react to a new professor, or one of Gansey’s rare new girlfriends. He had enough experience to predict what Ronan would do before someone got hurt. But he didn’t know how Ronan would react to Adam. Because he didn’t know what had so easily convinced Ronan that Adam was different in the first place.

Ronan had been the one to introduce Adam to Gansey, after all. To really introduce him, to allow him past the barrier of casual acquaintance. He’d let Gansey invite Adam to dinner. He had to like him to do that.

But Gansey could see Ronan’s jealousy, even if Adam couldn’t. He could see where problems might start to appear.

Ronan looked angry. And tired. Gansey rubbed his eyes again.

“Don’t you think so?” he asked Ronan. “Magical inclinations aside, he’s a person worth knowing.”

Ronan shrugged, unsure. “I mean, we don’t just talk to people.”

“You don’t,” Gansey said.

Ronan traced his new tattoo. It was the most colorful thing in the room. Gansey let his eyes go out of focus as he stared at it.

“I mean,” Ronan said again, with feeling, “that we don’t have any other friends. Not any one real. It’s been just us since Aglionby.”

Gansey closed his eyes. “Maybe it’s time for a change.”

[notjustagirltattoopodcast]

Not Just A Girl: Divine Feminine

You can listen to the tenth episode with Swasthik Iyengar here. Or you can find this interview on YouTube with English subtitles/closed captions here, there is no footage for this episode so you'll find a slideshow of Swasthik's work instead.

NOT JUST A GIRL: Tattoo Podcast

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Season 1, Episode 10: Divine Feminine

Eddy: Hello friends. Welcome to Not Just A Girl, the tattoo podcast where every week I speak to socially conscious tattooers about their lives and art practice through an intersectional feminist lens. I'm Eddy and thank you for joining me for episode 10. Today, we'll be discussing cultural influences, family and spirituality in tattooing. Before we begin, I would like to acknowledge the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people who are the traditional custodians of this land that was stolen and never ceded. I am honored and grateful to be on the ancestral land of the Awabakal people. And I pay my respects to the Elders past and present and extend my recognition to their descendants.Today I get to speak with the resplendent Swasthik Iyengar. She works at Trailer Trash tattoo in Brisbane with Mimsy who featured in a previous episode, Swasthik's work really tells a story. It consists of clean, bold lines, strong, bright colors with imagery and symbols that are imbued with her spirituality and history. I'm so excited to chat to you today. Thank you so much for being a part of this podcast. Swasthik: Thank you. I'm pretty excited and nervous. Eddy: It's so nerve wracking doing an interview. Swasthik: It is definitely. Yeah. But thanks for having me. Eddy: Absolutely, well, like we've talked before about how tattooing runs in your family in India, and I'd really love to know more about that and how it's shaped your own practice.Swasthik: Yeah, absolutely. Um, So, Nan. I'm from the South and Nan, um, is in Chennai and she's been tattooing for over 40 years now. It's a little bit different over there. It's not like you, um, have an apprenticeship and yeah, and you, you start painting flash, it's, it's sort of like you get initiated. Or, you know, it runs in the family and it's usually because it's, um, for, I would say initiation markings or if someone's really sick. Um, and they went and saw a medicine healer. Um, they would come to see my Nan and get, um, certain markings on their body to try and, um, help them get cured. Um, So women, young girls going into womanhood, um, would get markings and would come see my Nan. So it's, it's such a special thing. It is, it's really special.Eddy: Wow, so there's alot of power behind the tattoos. Like they're a form of medicine. Swasthik: Definitely. Yeah. Eddy: That's incredible. Swasthik: And she makes her own medicine too. Um, like growing up over there if my, if I had a really sore belly, I remember she would put…which is like this white paste and she'd put it, she put it on my belly and, um, In like in a couple of hours, um, my stomach ache would go, so it's all really old there. It's really sort of traditional and it's old when you're, when you're out in India. Um, this there's not really any access to going into town or getting Panadol. Um, everything's sort of natural and organic. Um, so yeah. That's Nan.Eddy: That's amazing. That must be like being self sufficient in that way. And learning how to take care of yourself from the earth is such a powerful thing. Swasthik: It's special. And it helps me today. And I think it'll help me for the rest of rest of my life. It's it's um having that connection to the land, the ancestors and my gods. Um, my, my elders. Is um, It's shaped me as a person from, from such a young age and then moving to Australia. Um, and it's shaped my practice in, in with everything, not just tattooing. Um, yeah, so. Eddy: I feel like you can really, you can really read a rich history in, in the work that you do and see that those symbols you use are very personal to you. Swasthik: They are they, are I, um, with some, some of the Indian pattern work I do like the Kolangal Kolam is all things that, um, I would see Paati my Nana, um, and also my aunties and my, my sisters, my cousins. Would always, um, draw these patterns with organic powders and dirt in the sand, in front of the houses, they all have different meanings too. Like it depends on if there's a festival during that time, or if you're inviting a particular God, like say you're trying to invite baby Krishna or Ganesh, who is the remover of obstacles, or perhaps it's a full moon. And so, um, all the symbols, um, I just. I think it's just learnt behavior, you know, it's just like, it's just memory etched into me. And so, um, and just thought... instead of drawing or painting things that I'm not familiar with, maybe incorporating some of this stuff into my practice. Um. Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: Might yeah, I don't know. No, no, it might just, um, help me or. Yeah. Yeah. Eddy: It brings something really special, I think, to tattooing because I've never seen at least you know, in my experience and in what I know about Australian tattooing, I have not seen the kind of imagery that you bring and it's very, very special to see something so powerful and so new, but so old at the same time.Swasthik: Thanks. Thanks so much, Eddy. It's. It's, you're making me nervous now. Um, yeah, I don't know. It's like, I guess I'm I still try and make it so that it works alongside, um, principles of tattooing. Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: You know, but, um. Eddy: It definitely has elements of Western traditional like with the strong, bold lines, the use of open skin and saturated colors.Swasthik: Yes. See, I see it like, I think during my apprenticeship days, like I was painting flash and I was redrawing Sailor Jerry, and. Eddy: Awesome. Swasthik: And all of, all of that stuff, you know, painting Sailor Jerry flash, and, um, So that sort of taught me and still teaches me, like, I still got to do color studies hey, like I can't just paint or do stuff from the top of my head.Eddy: Same.Swasthik: Things like things take way longer. Yeah. Yeah. I can't, you know, so, um, I think I've sort of try and keep to that and by having that and practicing that I sort of instilled, trying to attempt to like fit my, um, imagery or the Hindu imagery, um, and traditional pattern work, um, within that sort of American traditional or traditional tattooing context.Eddy: Yeah. It works really beautifully. Swasthik: Aww thanks Eddy. I'm glad you like it.Eddy: With the imagery you're using, like, you know, this kind of visual language, has that been something that's inherited from your grandma. Is it something that it's more just used broadly within that religion? Or does your family create their own or have you created your own? Swasthik: Yeah, I think it's like all of the above, to be honest, I think the imagery comes from temples from Hindu stories. Um, people adapt when you go to every, when you go to people's houses in India, there's obviously like the common thread of particular rituals and, and having the images or having a particular style of God or setting it up in a certain way, but people might adapt drawing the traditional Kolum them differently, depending on, um, who's taught them or, or how they like it. And I think, um, Some of the spiritual stuff, um, that, that I've done just comes from meditation. Um, it's not necessarily, um, a depiction of an exact story, but a couple of different elements intertwined into sort of one painting. So I meditate like all the time. A lot. So I sort of get to see these things sort of come up randomly sometimes like even when I'm sleeping at nighttime, I'll just have weird dreams about it and I'll remember it or wake up and write it down and start a new day. Start, think about a new painting for the next day. Eddy: I really love that idea of you finding the images like inside yourself, because it's just such a strong connection and it's so much more authentic and powerful. It's yeah. It's something that I think a lot of us could learn to do like using meditation as a way of finding ourselves in our artmaking.Swasthik: Yeah. It's so hard. Hey, it's like what I was saying to you earlier, like I think, um, meditation is just as hard as as working out. Say if you want to, you know, tone up that doesn't happen overnight. And I feel like with meditation, with me, I'm still struggling. You know, even though I've done it for so long, there'll be moments where I don't meditate and trying to get back into meditation is very tricky. Um, but through meditation and through yoga, I do a lot of yoga as well. And just eating healthy and I can start to, um, chat, like I can start to bring in higher sorts and put, like just organic thoughts sort of come to me naturally. Um, when I'm in sort of a peaceful state, you know, of kind of a quiet state, a focused state. Umm when I don't meditate, I feel like my thoughts are kind of scattered and I'm a little bit stressed. Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: And that doesn't help my tattoo practice either. Um, so Eddy: Cause tattooing's already so stressful. Swasthik: So highly strung hey, every tattoo seriously. Um, yeah. It's um, I dunno, it's a special, everyone's got their own meditation too. Like I think so you you'd have your particular meditation. Like I think even doing art is a meditative practice because you're sitting there drawing for, you know, some people can draw stuff so quickly. It takes me about when I'm working on a big painting, it takes me like two days to do all three days to draw. And then another week to paint it and it could be the most simplest subject matter, but I think that process is still meditation. Eddy: Yeah. Yeah. It's a very slow and measured process for me too. And I, I was oh we were talking earlier, but I mentioned how I didn't even realize that I actually do kind of use meditation in my process. Like I just hadn't put that word to it. Like every single tattoo I do before I do it. I kind of, while I'm doing the line drawing for the stencil, I'm sitting there visualizing the whole process and I visualize how I'm going to approach it, how I'm going to breathe, how I'm going to pull my hand, everything. So like I come to that tattoo almost having done it already. Swasthik: Yeah. Exactly.Eddy: And then I feel more balanced and relaxed coming into it. Whereas before that I'm like butterflies, nerves. I feel like I need to go have a bit of a cry in the bathroom before the client arrives. Like. Swasthik: Yes. I think like, yeah. It's so interesting. You say that because at the end of the day, tattooing is just ritual, right? Like when you set up the machines, nothing sort of changes. You've got your own way, your own set up, the way you set up your machines, um, the way you put on a stencil or it's still, it's such a ritual, it's such a meditative practice. Eddy: I think we really forget that and remove ourselves from that. Like how ritualistic it is. Swasthik: Yeah. Yeah. TrueEddy: We act like it's just a job, but it's actually so much more than that. And it comes with this entire like history of traditions.Swasthik: A hundred percent. I couldn't agree with you more. I think it's so sacred. I think it's, it's really special. Um, I don't know. I don't really look, it is, it is a job, but it's I'm lucky. I'm lucky. I don't know what else I would do if I wasn't tattooing, I love it. And I think, you know, whilst it is a job and I am providing a service to people to that the best I can umm to the best of my abilities. Umm I'm still immersed in such a beautiful craft that um, allows, you know, it allows me to see things differently, allows me to love art. It allows me to, to explore, um, my mind and to, um, explore subjects. Um, however, I would like to, um, um, within the context of art also within the context of tattooing, like everyone's skin is different. Everyone has a different body shape, size, everyone's unique and beautiful. Um.Eddy: Absolutely.Swasthik: So it's, um, yeah, it for sure it's job, but it's, to me, I'd like to say that it's, um, Oh, God. It's like, yeah. It's like my calling. I know that sounds lame, but I don't, I really don't know what else I would do if I wasn't tattooing. It's really special. Eddy: Yeah, I don't think that's lame at all. I think a lot of us feel that way, like, like where it's the only thing that makes sense for us to do, like, you know, obviously have other things going on in our lives that we love, but.Swasthik: Yes.Eddy: You know, in terms of what we commit our the majority of our time to.Swasthik: Lives.Eddy: It's just what, like, what else would there be? Swasthik: Yeah, like, don't get me wrong. I have so many other different hobbies and, um, things that I love doing, I'm immersed into or, like, reading about, but, um, If I was to choose something else to do, I wouldn't know, you know, I'd be terrible in an office job. And I respect people in office jobs. Cause I just couldn't do what they could do at all hey, like, but um, yeah, it's really special. I reckon Eddy, you were right. Eddy: Yeah, I always, I I'm always very thankful. Definitely like, you know, I'll have my little moments or I sook about a frustrating email or a difficult experience, but at the end of the day, like it's just complete and utter gratitude. Swasthik: A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. I definitely agree. Eddy: Do you find with your work, um, you know, because you know, it's a big part of your spiritual practice as well. Do you find that, um, you know, it, it's almost like a way of inviting a conversation with your clients. Like, you know, they're connecting to that imagery themselves and exploring their own spirituality and that's why they come to you?Swasthik: Umm. I think, um, A lot of my clients, um, sort of, some of them have been to India. Some of them have know the Hindu stories and can relate to the God, um, or have really enjoyed their time in India. And, um, and, and some of, some of my clients, um, sort of have their own imagery and their own spirituality. And want me to a sort of come up with something that represents that. Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: And so I think, um, like I always have great conversations with my clients and often it is pretty trippy. Um, it gets deep, but in such a beautiful way to. It's never, it's never like too much. Um, it's been just a really beautiful connection and a really beautiful exchange. Um, So I think, I've forgotten the question now. I mean, I think, I think, um, I think people come to me for a whole different, all sorts of reasons, whether, whether they're into the story, whether they're into God, whether they've been to India, whether they're going to India, whether they have their own spiritual practice, um, you know, whether they like me and them are on the same vibe into the same things. But in any case, like it's a shared experience. Um, and it's always, it's always a lovely time. I always end up being friends with my clients. Eddy: Oh, that's so nice. Swasthik: There's never, there's never a time where I don't think I've felt, um, like, um, uncomfortable or sort of um frustrated. I've been really blessed to have, um, beautiful people cross my path, in the way of people that get tattooed and to share stories. I think this is my favorite part of this craft or this practice is that connection.Eddy: AbsolutelySwasthik: There's so many connections isn't there like this, the connection that you have to like the pra like the art. So when you start off and you're creating flash or whatever, then the connection that you have to the actual craft, because you're on your own. And it's really scary because you're marking people permanently, right? And then you have that connection that you have with the client and then to have to juggle. And, but not to be, you know, to make it real. Like, if I'm stressed about a tattoo, like, I will tell my clients like, bro, I I'm so sorry. I'm going to be real quiet now because I've got to focus. Like it's really comfortable that way. I think, you know, Eddy: I think when we can communicate with them really honestly they appreciate it too.Swasthik: Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. I think like there's no other way. You just got to be like honest. There's been moments where the, just a shared silence has been really nice. Eddy: Yeah. And that's such an intimate thing that sometimes that silence, it can be really, um, like restorative or healing. Swasthik: Yeah. I totally agree. Have you ever had people sort of say to you that like, Um, they sort of enjoy the pain and the, and they don't talk. And I respect that. Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: Because I find that not, they find the pain, um, like a real healing process. Eddy: Yeah. It's almost like reminding them of the body they're in or, you know, I don't know. Yeah. It, it grounds them, I think. Swasthik: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. That's it like everyone's got their own perspective on why they get tattooed and, and what it means to them or what it doesn't mean to them. You know, they just want to get something fun or maybe they want a bet or a dare or maybe it's initiation. So Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: All different reasons. Hey. Eddy: I do think that like, in a lot of ways, getting tattooed, getting tattooed is a radical act. Like, you know, even if it's just for fun, just to be able to permanently mark your body in the sake of fun is radical. At all, or whether you're doing it because of that, just innate drive to express yourself or to be a part of a group or a culture. Swasthik: For sure. A hundred percent. Yeah, for sure. I think so. I do believe that. I think it's um, yeah man, I remember like when I first started getting tattooed and it was to fit in, but to fit in because I was so angry at my parents, I was actually really angry for being Indian because I wasn't having a good time in the Western world.Eddy: I'm so sorry. Swasthik: Oh, no, no, no, no. It's all, it's all history, it's all lessons and you grow. And it's so old this is like ages ago. It's like 20 years ago. But, um, I remember like I wasn't that religious back then either. I think I was like pre puberty. It was like when you're 17, 18, that kind of thing. And just mad and angry at the world. And, um, I started, um, getting tattoos cause I could see that the people that I could see that were getting tattoos were different and they were unique and beautiful and they didn't conform. Um, so I started getting the Gods tattooed on me, my Hindu gods tattooed on me. Um, but it made my mum really mad because in our tradition, you need to get that like, this is when I was 18. In our tradition, you need to get permission from the gods before you get them tattooed on you, because it's a huge thing. Like, and I know that sounds crazy, but, um, you know, I it's, it's like a respect thing. If you're going to get Kali Ma on your back, you need to ask for permission because she can cause you havoc.And so, I did. And it, yeah, my mum was like so mad at me. And, um, that was, um, I guess it's like what you were saying. It was a very radical, I was trying to fit in. I felt like the people that were my friends that got tattoos, didn't conform to everyone else, you know? So it is, it is a really radical kind of thing to do for sure. Eddy: And it sounds like, for you know, like it, it was a way of you finding yourself and like setting yourself apart and starting yourself on this journey. Swasthik: Yeah. Yeah, it definitely was. It definitely was because you're looking at your body every day and you see the tattoo. It's not like they can go anywhere hey, and you and it's just. It's just on you forever and it's a part of you. Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: Yeah It did. Eddy: And it did.Swasthik: Sorry love, what were you going to say? Eddy: Oh no, you go.Swasthik: I've forgotten now. Eddy: Yeah. I was just going to say, like, you know, you mentioned you were having a hard time, so, you know, by, by like taking such ownership of yourself when you were having a hard time, you know, that can give yourself a lot of power and confidence to move forward as well.Swasthik: Yes, it does. It does. And, um, and it did, I think at that point, I was just quick to realize like, um, to accept my background, to celebrate it, um, to not be mad. I, I remember I was just, it was stupid, little things. I was like, why would you call me Swasthik? Why would you call me a name that is a Nazi symbol? Do you know? And it's, um, All of those little things that I just decided to let go and to accept and to love and to appreciate. Um, and it's funny because now I think my best friends are my family. It's my culture. It's my Gods. It's my ancestors. They have stuck by me with everything. Eddy: That's beautiful.Swasthik: Do, you know, over life and um, I'm so, I love it. I love India. Mmm. Love being Hindu. I'm very religious and very devout. So Yeah. Eddy: It's really beautiful how that comes across on your Instagram as well. Like I know that, you know, social media is not the biggest part of your life or anything, but you know, sometimes you'll post beautiful pictures or videos of your family and like of, you know, Rituals or things that you're doing together. And it's so lovely to see that little bit of insight into what you do. Swasthik: Oh yeah. I get nervous about putting stuff up sometimes ay I wonder if you do too, I wonder if it's just like, I think it's everyone. Cause you think that you're going to be judged wrongly. Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: Would you share it? You know, do people really want to see that? But I think it's important because. It's not because it's a marketing ploy it's sometimes because I'm feeling something that day. And usually when I meditate and being so devout. These like bursts of emotions that run through me that shape my painting that day, or shape a practice or shape a thought, or my views about the world, the corrupt capitalist system that we have going, and I'm going on a tangent.Eddy: Oh no, I agree with you.Swasthik: But yes, you know what I mean, sometimes I'll, I'll just share it because. Um, I also, because I've got, I follow family on Instagram because they it's the only way to keep in contact with them, um, is, you know, when you're worlds apart, but I'll share it because it, I don't know, I'm happy to share it. I suppose it made my day, um, celebrate it, celebrate your fam family and your loved ones. And I truly love them. So Eddy: Yeah. And that's how it definitely comes across that you're celebrating them. Swasthik: Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I guess that's it. I think. I think it's just human nature. Don't, you know, to love, you know, to have compassion, to celebrate our loved ones. Eddy: And we look for connections too like, whether it be with family or with friends or through the tattoo community, like we're really looking for connections. And that's how I use social media. Like I see it as invitational, like you know, any images I put up of myself, my cats, my life or anything, that's not necessarily a tattoo. I feel like I'm communicating who I am and who I want to be so that my potential clients, they can decide if they relate to that or not. And if they're going to be comfortable. Swasthik: Yeah, I totally agree as well, because I remember way before, when, before I had tattoos, I was quite intimidated to go into a tattoo shop. It was scary.Eddy: It was so scary.Swasthik: Because it was so cool. Yeah I know, and they're all covered in tattoos and, um, I think it was, it was way before Instagram even like, I didn't, I think I didn't even have a MySpace back then. So it was way before Instagram. It was actually really long time ago. Um, and I just remember like thinking, Oh, I hope this person that I get tattooed by is nice. I hope we have a lots to talk about, or if we don't talk about I hope, the silence isn't awkward. Um, but I think now having that um, option to have social media, um, and to be able to share little bits and pieces of your life, you create, you're able to create that you are a sort of element of connection. Like, you know, you post something of your cat, maybe someone's got the same cat. Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: You know, and they want a portrait of their cat. Cause they're like, well, you have the same cat. So we can, we can talk about our cats. And I feel comfortable with you. Like I think. Eddy: And to be able to trust someone, you need to feel a connection. I think. Swasthik: Yes, exactly. Exactly. And I think like, I don't know, everyone, everyone can choose how they want to market themselves. There's no right or wrong at all. You are entitled to do what you want to do. Um, and so, yeah, like I love seeing pictures of people in their, with their loved ones, with their husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, if it's their birthday, with their cats, you know, I love seeing photos of tattooers that I admire. Um, With other tattooers and it just makes my heart smile. Perhaps they've done a collaborative painting and they've got a picture of them holding the painting. It's just really sweet sometimes, you know? Yeah. Eddy: I love that too, because like my, my dream for tattooing is that we can be a really positive community for each other because you know, in the town that I've tattooed in a lot of experiences have been negative where we see each other as competition, or like, you know, you can't be friends with them because they work at that other shop, but I'm like, Swasthik: Oh man. Eddy: I love it. When other shops come together, I love it. When tattooers from so-called competing studios work together. It's just so heartwarming. Swasthik: Yeah. And it should seriously, like. Isn't that what it should be about. Cause at the end of the day, like going deeper and being a bit more of a tripper, we're all the same, we're all made a flesh, blood, piss, bones. Noone's better than anyone else. Eddy: Absolutely. Swasthik: Do you know what I mean? And so, you know that sort of side, I think you're gonna get that in anything now, now we're going like, especially in this sort of mad capitalistic world, it doesn't matter if it's tattooing or if it's something else. I think you're always going to get that, but that's what I love about. I don't know if you feel the same way. There's, there's a lot of, there's a couple of tattooers that I truly idolize and love and can't wait to get tattooed by. And I think they've been tattooing pre Instagram generation. And, um, I think that I see them, um, with other tattooers and you can see that the real love and a real community sense of community and a real friendship, cause they would have relied solely on visiting each other at shops or, um, like bumping into someone at a gig, you know, organizing dinners to be able to have that.But I think that whole notion of competition has been something. Um, and I was having a chat to a girlfriend about this actually, um, I think social media has a lot to do with that now, creating that sort of air um, as well as what you were saying, like in the physical, you know, when certain shops aren't meant to interact with each other, which I just find really sad. Cause we can learn from each other, you know.Eddy: We're missing out on opportunities. Swasthik: Yeah, we are. Yeah. I, um, yeah man, I agree. I absolutely agree. Like there's so many people where I, um, fuck, like you just think about some of those incredible realism artists. I'd love to learn what they do. Do you know what I mean? I'd love to watch a realism tattooer just do their thing. Cause it's something that I could never do and I find it so fascinating. Eddy: And yeah, by being friendly with each other and watching each other and spending time with each other, that's how we learn and improve. Swasthik: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Eddy: That's why that's why traveling is so great.Swasthik: Oh yeah. Yeah, definitely. I think it, um, I think it puts things into perspective a lot. Yeah.Eddy: Absolutely. Swasthik: For sure. Eddy: Do, do you get a chance to travel much with your work? Swasthik: Umm. I haven't recently, I go to India like twice a year. Uh, sometimes go to Nepal. Um, I sorta get my inspiration to, as soon as I go to India and I come back, I'm reenergized and, um, re inspired, um, And then I'll start creating, but I haven't really had the chance to travel for work. And I'm not sure when I will, especially with the current situation at the moment.Eddy: Yeah, it makes it hard.Swasthik: I was gonna. Yeah, I know. Right. I was gonna this year, I wanted to get tattooed by some people that I truly, I love their work, um, overseas. Um, but after this it um obviously didn't happen. Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: But um, yeah like I'd love to travel at some point and, um, tattoo and learn, watch people tattoo and grow more as an artist.Eddy: Yeah.Swasthik: I think that would be cool. Eddy: You definitely do. I know that like just. Every, every single time I get tattooed by someone and watching them work, I'll pick up like a little trick. And like, I'm not copying their work or anything, but you just like learn a little trick. Whether it be like the way they flick their wrist, or I don't know the way that they dip between colors or I don't know, just like little tiny subtleties that you notice and that can change everything for you. Swasthik: Aw man. Yes. I feel like I pick up on those things every day when I'm at work, like when I stop for 10 minutes and go down the stairs to watch someone tattoo or just to say G'day, I'll pick something up that I just don't know why I didn't like think of that way before.Eddy: Yep.Swasthik: You know what I mean? Like your life would have been easier if you did that. Um. Eddy: Yep. That's why I love working with so many people. Like there's seven of us at the moment in the studio. It's so nice. Yeah. Like getting the different opinions and the critiques and watching them work and everyone's got such a different way of going about it.Swasthik: That's awesome, man. Yeah. I love that. I also love how people can help you just being that second set of eyes. Like when you put a stencil on and just having an awesome work colleague, that's there to go look, I think it's like two mil off. That's saved me so many, so many times. Cause in your, in your mind, you think it's straight and then someone will tell you, and be like, Oh shit, I was so off, you know?Eddy: Cause we yeah, we do get like this kind of weird blinker on for ourselves where like, you know, we've in our mind, we've decided how we want it to look. So sometimes it's really hard to see it as it actually is other than how it, how we intend it to look. So, you know, you might think a stencils straight and then someone will be like, Oh nah, maybe not.Swasthik: Yeah I know. Yeah, I'm so grateful for that. I'm so, I love the people I work with. They're so funny and so talented and um, so helpful. I'm so grateful to be there because it's Mimsy. You know, you interviewed Mimsy, so yeah at Trailer Trash.Eddy: Such an amazing crew. Swasthik: Yeah. She's special though. Eddy: She is, I love how we were both talking before the interview about how, you know, when we guested with Mimsy, it kind of like changed everything for us. And where you get to open your eyes and like, Oh wow.Swasthik: Yes, yes.Eddy: That's what tattooing can be.Swasthik: Yeah. Like how people can be kind. Yep, yeah. I think that'd be nice to see more of that in the industry, you know.Eddy: Definitely. Swasthik: Free to be, um, kind isn't it, it's free to, you know, good manners are free. If you don't have to, even if you're stressed, you don't have to, you can just close your door or just be like, guys. I'm just going to chill out today. You know, I've got a big tattoo. Eddy: It actually it takes so much less energy just to be nice. You know, I feel likeSwasthik: Oh yeah.Eddy: Customers who are, sorry, not customers, tattooers who are cranky with their clients or angry with the people they work with that takes so much energy out of you. And if you just take a moment to take a breath and smile orSwasthik: Meditate.Eddy: Not in the way that men tell women to smile, but smile in the way of like for yourself, you know? Swasthik: Oh yeah. Eddy: Being. Just kindness is so much easier. Swasthik: Yeah, definitely. I think you'd just find, I don't know. I feel like sometimes, yeah, I dunno, like you're right. It just takes two seconds hey, and it does like, if I don't, if I'm having a shit day or if I haven't meditated, and then I'm having a really, really rough day. And if it just, if I don't communicate it with my work colleagues or with my clients, I'll snap or I'll be abrupt and I feel so guilty about it. Um, so I think my general w like vibe is just to chill out. Just be kind, you know, it's, you know, it doesn't take too much and that's just being real innit. Eddy: Yeah.Swasthik: People want that. Eddy: Absolutely. And it's so nice to have space where you've got permission to do that, too, where you can go in and say, Hey guys, like I'm a bit fragile today. Um, so here are, these are my boundaries and I really appreciate you respecting them and let's have a wonderful day and it just it's, it makes everything go so much easier.Swasthik: So much. Yeah, it does. It does. Absolutely. I think like, as you were saying earlier on tattooing is stressful as it is, um, you know, you always sort of. I don't know, there's been so many times where I've been organized with my drawing, but then I've had to make a change, like, you know, five minutes before the client comes in and I'm all flustered again, you know? And so, yeah. It's so, um, it's just stressing, but.Eddy: It is.Swasthik: I reckon like, yeah, if you just talk and communicate, then all is good. Eddy: Yep, communicating with compassion, we can all be in a much better place. Swasthik: Yes. Yes. Eddy: I think um tattooing in general could use a lot more compassion and I feel like this, um, COVID situation has kind of made a lot of us approach each other with more compassion.Swasthik: Definitely. Eddy: I get a lot of really nice messages from other tattooers. And, you know, I do the same in return. I've had some tattooers send me like prints and art, but like just out of the blue, just cause they wanted to do something nice for another tattooer. And it's so lovely. Swasthik: Mmm I agree. I really, really agree. And I've done the same. I've sent some original, like some paintings that I've done um, to special people, um, and their partners. Um, and, um, I've also received lots of love and return, um, uh, lots of messages from people that are extremely busy that you wouldn't think would ever message you, but they have taken two seconds to message you. Um, it really makes, makes my day, you know, just, uh, I mean, I know that it's a vert, like I know it's like, A social media thing. And I do really look forward to meeting these people in real life and having a cuppa with them. Um, but it's nice to get that because it's, um, I think globally actually it's happened. I've been getting messages from friends that I haven't heard from in so long. So I think this whole COVID situation is really changing, um, that I guess that element of people having a bit more compassion for sure. It's just slowing the pace down, isn't it? Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: You know, people being able to have conversations, it's not a mad rush, which, which I really like man, like I've eased into just painting every day. Like I'm cruisy, you know? Um, if we go back to tattooing sweet, I miss it so so much. I miss my clients even more. Um, Because I love tattooing, but if we have to be, you know, in iso for a bit longer, no sweat, I'll just keep painting because I like painting, you know? Eddy: Yeah. It, it really, it's, it's really nice to be able to decide what to do with your time. And I just, I really it's overly optimistic, but I really hope that after this, we can come out and be like, fuck capitalism, let's burn it all down. Let's just have little communities let's barter and trade and like.Swasthik: That's what we were talking about, yeah. Eddy: Yup. Swasthik: That's what we were sayin. Yup. Exactly. Yeah. It's going to be a proper wake up call, I reckon Eddy ay because like, no, one's forgot. Well, I haven't forgotten about the fires as we were talking about. And then all of a sudden this has come through. Um, I think it's going to be a huge, huge wake up call. Um, and, um, yeah, like. Eddy: Yeah like if you're notice social activist yet, like now's the time to get on that train because we can, we can make some real changes.Swasthik: Exactly. Exactly. That's exactly right. Um, but yeah, it's just sort of slowed everything down for sure. I reckon. Eddy: Have you had a lot of time for like the, like the other things in your life that you like, you know, whether it be reading or music or? Swasthik: Yeah. I've, um, I've been reading a few books. Um, I'm always listening to music you see, like when I'm painting, I've always got music. I've always got some jams on. Um, I've been running a lot, um, just around the block, um, doing a bit more yoga. Having sweet sleep ins, which you never really get the chance to do when you're back at work. Eddy: It's been so good sleeping in. Swasthik: It is, it is. I've been going to bed at like eight, which is so weird. It's just. I think my body needs it. I think it's just like, you know, I think this time now is time for resting for me, um, or doing things that I love for, um, Yeah, not sort of hustling so much on drawing for clients, but doing whatever I want to do. So what about you? Have you had time to chill?Eddy: I have done nothing but chill, but it's good because I think, you know, the world is so like, Everything's so hyper-connected and instantaneous and high pressure. And it is that constant hustle and it's exhausting. Even if we don't realize like we're being exhausted, you know, you just kind of, it slowly builds up over time and then one day you wake up and you're like, I can barely breathe. I can barely move. I'm so burned out. And this came at such a good time for me. Like I I'd been probably for six months really struggling to hold myself together. Just like, I, I want to, I don't have the energy, for all these things I want to achieve. And like, I don't know how to keep going. And then everything stopped. And then I was just like, I'm gon, I'm going to sleep and I'm going to make pompoms and I'm going to hug the cats.Swasthik: Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Is everything okay though at your, you just needed some time to chill? Eddy: Yeah. I just needed some time to chill. Like for me, I have, um, I have chronic pain from spinal cord injury. So, you know, I, you know, my, my practice has just always been about finding a balance between the pain and the energy and my drive, you know, which aren't really all connected very well.Swasthik: Yes ok.Eddy: Yeah, I think these, these opportunities, and like you're saying, like using the time to like, kind of look at yourself and meditate on things and like, yeah, it's, it's important. And it's been crucial for me to get back. And I think when I come back to tattooing, I'm going to be so much better for it. Swasthik: Yeah. I think everyone's going to be. You know, I think that we often forget because tattooing is so high voltage, we often, sometimes, I'm sure most of us have been in a situation where we've put tattooing before ourselves. Eddy: Yup. Swasthik: And so it's nice that we're forced to, to actually step back from that and treat ourselves and look after ourselves and be kind to ourselves during this time.Eddy: Absolutely.Swasthik: Because you know, we don't want anyone to burn out. It's not good for your soul. It's not good for your spirit. Eddy: Yeah. And who set up this rule anyway, that we have to work, you know, five or six days a week, or, you know, 10 hours a day, like who decided that?Swasthik: Yep. Dunno. Eddy: We're pirates, tattooers you know, we're supposed to make the rules and we're supposed to go against the current of, of everything that's wrong with society. And we're supposed to be, you know, The healers, the ones with wisdom, the ones who communicate our ideas to other people and help people express themselves. And yet we've got, so we've almost lost who we areSwasthik: Who we areEddy: Like as a group. And like forgotten, yeah, I don't know. Swasthik: That's such a good point. And I think like that's why having travel is really good because it's when you can, you're free to do whatever. Do you know what I mean? Like when you're, when you're at work or when you're living and you've got a daily routine, you've got responsibilities, um, within tattooing, but also outside of tattooing, in your personal life, let's say, and then it's hard. It's it is hard because you've got to, you've got to like work. You know, you've got to pay the rent. Um, but then when you get to travel, you've got autonomy because like you can work where you want to work. What days you want to work. I often sort of, and I haven't done it yet, but I assumed and sort of fantasized that traveling with tattooing would be really quite fun because you can guest at the shops that you want to spend one to one time with certain people in terms of just knowing them, just, just watching them tattoo, having the ability to be in their presence, getting to know them, getting to know about their stories, um, and getting tattooed by them. So I often sort of think like that's when you're, when you sort of step away from your routine and your daily life, you've got that, you know, like you said, being a pirate again, just traveling and just doing that. So. Eddy: It's so good.Swasthik: Yeah.Eddy: It's been every time I've had the opportunity to do that. And I know it is certainly a privilege to be able to travel in the first place, but every time I've done it, it's I've come a better tattooer.Swasthik: Yep. Yep. Eddy: Do you think like once the borders opened back up and things are a bit safer to travel that you'll start planning things then? Swasthik: I think the first thing is going to organize to go back to India.Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: I really get grounded there. I do. Um, and I'm such a creature of habit you see, like, I think getting out for me, like even doing this interview, I get really kind of nervous and stuff, you know, but I've just got to do it because once you do it, you're all good. Hey, um, I will, I just think. I don't know if it's going to be this year. I hope it's next year. I've talked to a few people within Australia, um, that I wouldn't mind doing like a, like a guest spot in Melbourne or a guest spot guest spot in Sydney. Yeah. Um, there's some yeah, incredible people just even in Australia. Hey, we've got some awesome tattooers, man. Eddy: We have so much talent here.Swasthik: So much. And I really want to get tattooed by like a few people that I'm running out of space. So I've got to, I've got toEddy: Same Swasthik: I don't know what I'm gonna do ay Eddy: I've actually like getting stuff like lasered off because I'm like, I need more room. Swasthik: Yeah. See, I'm too scared. I think I just going to do the coverup route. I um want to redo my whole body, I think. Eddy: Wow. Swasthik: I think I'll stick to one person to do that, but yeah, it's just too. Yeah, I've got to sort that out, but no. Yeah. I don't know. I'd like to say, I think in India and Nepal would be priority one when the borders opened up. But after that no idea. Eddy: Do you get to tattoo with your family when you go back over there?Swasthik: I do tattoo in India. Nan is really old. She's actually not, well.Eddy: Oh I'm sorry. Swasthik: She had a fall. She's not with it. You know, it's interesting. They regress back to being children. Like when we saw her last um, I think just seeing mum, like step out of the otto made her cry, um, saying goodbye by the balcony. Cause she couldn't get up to get to the balcony, made her cry and cause she doesn't have any teeth anymore. And bless. She's so healthy though, because like her, her brother is 105. Eddy: Wow. Swasthik: Yeah. He's so cute. They're like sat, they go, they go for a walk, which is like 10 meters long. Eddy: Aww bless.Swasthik: It's so funny, it's so cute. Yeah, they're good friends. But anyway, um, so I tattoo there not with family, but I tattoo family yes. And often I'll just bring my own machines and I'll draw up a real quick flash that's kind of easy to do um, and just tattoo. Most, mostly people want religious symbols. Um, Om because they are full Brahman, so they're not eating meat. Um, they're practicing Hindu. No one really sort of gets, um, like a big sleeve or anything. Like I said, it's sort of ritualistic tattoos, small tattoos. Um, some of the women get Kolum. Um, just little ones though, you know? Uh, but there is this beautiful Ramayana community Elders. They have, um, the they're completely covered from head to toe. Um, and they have the script or the Sanskrit to Rama, um, tattooed horizontally. Eddy: Wow. Swasthik: Across their body from like forehead down to their pinky toe it's abso. It's sensational. Eddy: That's amazing.Swasthik: If you have a chance to ever look at it. Look like, I don't know, check out the photos online.Eddy: I will. Swasthik: They're very powerful. They're really beautiful. But, um, yeah, it's all it's. It's like no pressure. Fun times tattooing when I go back home hey. Eddy: Oh, wow. Do you ever learn about the like the healing kind of tattoos from your grandma, has she passed that down to you? Swasthik: She has. And it's something that I've I think oh, how's it going to sound? It's like, this is an example, like when I was young and I saw Nana do it for the first time when I was like a kid, I'd say Amma, Paati...like, what is she doing? And my mom would explain to me then what the reason was. And so, you know, remembering that, and then being taught by not only my grandma, but by many other Elders. Umm by a lot of the Gurus working in the temples in our family temples, because it'll happen outside the temple as well. Um, so yes, I do I have that knowledge and I have those stories. And often, um, very, um, really grateful cause it's like oral storytelling tradition. SoEddy: Yeah. Swasthik: It's, it always makes me quite emotional when I get, when someone shares a story like that with me, because, you know, you take, if they leave this world, you're never going to forget their words are you so. Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: So yeah. Eddy: Wow. Swasthik: Yeah. Eddy: It's so, I love hearing people's um, history and visual languages and what, what they put of themselves into their tattooing and, and just seeing how it influences the tattooing and how it makes them different and what they can bring. Like, it's just, it's so special that it's such an individual thing. I love it. Swasthik: Yeah I reckon hey with everyone, everyone's like, Noone's the same. I don't think, do you know, like everyone say, like, if you do traditional and like this, you do a rose, but the way that you do a rose is going to be so different to the way that someone else does a rose.Eddy: Absolutely. Swasthik: From the drawing to the application, to the, to the follow through, to everything.Eddy: And even the intention. Swasthik: The intention, exactly. Exactly. Yup. Yup. Eddy: Absolutely. Um, in regards to the divine feminine, um, how do you think that can play a part in creating more balance and equality in tattooing? Swasthik: Um, so like, the divine feminine, I suppose, is we as humans. We have both the divine masculine and the divine feminine. And I think, um, You know, having female energy within tattooing umm is, is so imperative just because it just adds to having a bit more diversity.Eddy: Yeah absolutely. Swasthik: And by being open minded and having, you know, a lot more compassion, I'm not saying people aren't compassionate, you know, regardless of race gender, you know, regardless of all of that, you know, there's people that are compassionate and there's people that often might feel that being compassionate is a sign of weakness. Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: And I feel like, you know, the tattoo shop that I apprenticed that was not a great tattoo shop for me to continue and grow. Um, it was all guys, um, and it had. I don't think they do got me. I don't think it was something that I think it was sort of cast away or having that sort of, that notion of divine feminine or having compassion was sort of seen as a weakness. Whereas I really think it's such a powerful theme because by having more feminine energy or celebrating it along with the divine masculine, I'm not trying to categorize here. It's just going to give us that potential to be diverse within the tattoo industry as a whole, and to be open-minded, um, both are necessary when wanting to grow artistically as well as within like the application of tattooing. Eddy: Yeah, absolutely. And, and the divine, the divine feminine and the divine masculine is such a, uh, important part of your reli oh, your spirituality as well, right? Swasthik: Yes. Yeah. Yup. Yup. That's it. That's true. Yeah. I think like, cause I've grown up with it and it being embedded into my culture, into my cultural practice, into my religion and being a devout Hindu, um, it shapes my tattooing practice a lot because it's that equal level of respect. Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: Whoever, regardless of their gender, race, religion, whatever backgrounds, like I said, you know, tattooing is non-discriminatory, it is, means different things for different people. Um, and as long as you're over the consent age, it's different in the East like it's different. I can only speak for what happens within tattooing in India. And, you know, you can get tattooed as young, as 10, if not younger in India, it's a completely different context and scenario, but at the end of the day, tattooing does not discriminate. So I, I would assume in the Western world, if you're over the consent age, um, You know, it's um, yeah. Having to divine feminine, divine masculine, this is just gonna you know, allow us to have more diversity and be open minded. Eddy: Absolutely. And I feel really sad for, um, a lot of people in Western culture where, you know, we're conditioned to believe that um, you know, showing emotions like compassion and empathy are a weakness. And, you know, so many people go through their lives, just being full of fear and anger and pain because they don't have an avenue to express it. And, you know, I see it happening so much in tattooing where there's like a lot of really toxic behaviors or, you know, a lot of like really angry people. Swasthik: Yeah. Eddy: If they just took a momentSwasthik: And misogyny, I've seen.Eddy: Oh my God. Yeah. It's such an issue. If they just took a momentSwasthik: It's really ugly. Eddy: To just be like a little bit kind to themselves to express their emotions in a healthy way, then they can be kinder to other people and understand that it's not like masculine versus feminine. Both are equal and important and necessary. Swasthik: I love that. I love that you said it like that. You said, yeah. I love that Eddy. And I think, I think, um, yeah man, there's no separation between gender race umm sexual preference. There is unity and there should be unity. And part of that unity is like, obviously there's the should be community, which you were talking about earlier.Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: And through all of that, you know, you're going to have. People should be free to not feel silenced. They should be able to not think that being empathetic or compassionate or creating trippy art, surreal art. Um, Whatever kind of art they want is not like, without it being a weakness, you know how we were talking about earlier, where it's like, you know, beautiful, surreal art is, is considered like, wow, that's so abstract. But then when it's within the tattooing context, it's very much like, well that doesn't make a good tattoo. Eddy: Yeah, that's crazy. Swasthik: Who's to say that Yeah. Yeah. Cause part of, I feel like part of meditating and practicing this craft or being, being an artist is like being able to, um, as you were saying, like to be able to have an outlet where you can release that emotion in a positive way. Um, part of that is like being able to release it through your expression of art, isn't it? Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: And by doing that and being in an environment that accepts that, where people accept, they don't have to love it. They don't even have to like it. But they can be respectful, you know, as long as they're not saying anything neggy, that's hurtful, constructive criticism is so different to taking a dig it'sEddy: Absolutely.Swasthik: You know, um. Eddy: Constructive criticism has a lot of value in what we do, but like, you know, you mentioned to me that, you know, sometimes you've worked in situations where people have laughed at you for being spiritual. And it's just like that, that is just such an insane thought to not respect another person's practice. Swasthik: Yeah. Yeah. And I think like, It's only made me stronger on a side note. It's only made me stronger. It's not stopped me from obviously continuing to do what I do. Cause I don't think I've ever stopped creating, like creating trippy shit or Hinduism based imagery, tattoos, spiritual stuff, things that mean a lot to me, things that I feel I'm well-educated about. Um, I'm not even going to try and attempt to do something that I don't know too, like anything about, because it's not going to come from a place of love and it's, it's sure as hell not gonna look that great, you know, but when I'm drawing something that I know, um, despite the adversity and, um, attacks on it, I'm still gonna continue, um, doing it because it's like, well, man, that's all I know. Cause I guess, I'm Indian, so I know about it, you know, so I'm going to paint it. And so, yeah, like I think at the end of the day, how does the divine feminine, um, influence or can influence the tattoo industry? I think, um, just by adding to diversity and by creating awareness, being open minded, celebrating um, having compassion or compassionate or having deep thinking, um, instead of it sort of being swept under the rug. Eddy: Yeah. Swasthik: Um, you know, like art is subjective, as we were saying, not everyone's gonna like it and not everyone's going to love it, but there's gonna be people out there that are gonna love it. Um, and I also think at the end of the day, it's create it for yourself, especially during this iso period, I've been just painting for myself, man. Seeing how far I can go with my drawings, experimenting with different mediums, you know? Am I proud of it? Yeah. It's all right it could be way better. You could do I could have done that better. I'll do it better next time. Eddy: Yeah. I mean we can always do everything better.Swasthik: Exactly. I think it's one of those things where, you know, what did they say? It's when you do 10,000 hours, you're master I'm like, nah, I think it's, I've immersed myself in a craft where I'm always going to be learning. I don't think I'll ever stop.Eddy: Nah. Swasthik: You know, even if I do it till the very end, I'll probably pick up the trick when I'm like 90. Um, yeah, but. Yeah, I love, I think that's it. Hey, would to answer that question. Eddy: Yeah. Awesome. Thank you. Swasthik: No worries. Eddy: Well before we finish up today, is there anything else that you like would like to touch on or that you'd like to share with the listeners or, you know, that you'd like to communicate at all?Swasthik: Umm Well, I can't think of anything at the top of my head, but I just wanted to say that I had a really lovely time chatting with you. Eddy: Yeah. It's been so lovely. Swasthik: And having a chat before this chat too. It was just real nice. Eddy: Yeah. And today's the first time we've ever actually had a chance to chat. Like I've followed you for a while on social media, but, you know, and message and email. Swasthik: Did we ever meet? At the flash day though. Pretty sure I feel like we did at one of Mimsy's.Eddy: Because you did the Brisbane and I did the, um, I did the Sydney one, so it was literally just all on Instagram. Swasthik: Yeah. Okay. Yeah. See, I feel like it's just one of those things. When, you know, you have a good feeling with someone that's like what we, what we were saying earlier. Like when you, like, when you sort of idolize someone and then you're like, Mimsy right. And then you meet that person in real life and the way they hold themselves and their grace and their respect to you and their kindness to you just seems to, to just make you love them even more and it shocks you. And it's, and it's like, um chatting to you it's just sort of, yeah, you're real sweetheart. I had a really good time. Thanks. Eddy: Ditto.Swasthik: Thanks for it.Eddy: Ditto.Swasthik: And I can't wait to meet in real life. Eddy: I know same, I really need to come visit.Swasthik: Yeah likewise. We'll have to do a trade. Eddy: I would love that. I'm such a huge fan of your work. Swasthik: Likewise, lovely. Um, I've just, yeah, it's one of those things. I've once I get around to it, I'll message you and we can do a bit of a trade.Eddy: That would be perfect. Swasthik: It's like that juggling act of trying to find time to chill and then finish other commissions and create available flash. Eddy: Yep. Maybe one day when you've got your van and you're traveling around.Swasthik: Yes. I can come and take showers in your house and stay in the van.Eddy: Awesome. Well for our listen is, um, you'll be able to, um, find out more information about Swasthik um, through Instagram, if you head over to not just to girl underscore tattoo, we'll have all of the links and information. I'll put them in the show notes as well, and make sure you subscribe and follow and share and spread the love. Um, thank you so much to Swasthik for chatting to me today and sharing your story and, um, for letting our listeners hear your story as well. I think everyone really appreciates it and I really hope everyone has a beautiful day. Swasthik: Thanks love. Thank you so much. And yeah, I hope everyone has an awesome day. And thank you for listening to me rant on just random stuff. Yeah, I hope I made sense anyway.Eddy: It did.Swasthik: But thank you.