#my ex didn't get this back then and omg I should've left him earlier

[girl-revolution-utena]

Touga's ghost in "Adolescence of Utena" was trying to take Utena with him, killing her in the process, instead of helping her out. And it wasn't even Touga as a character, but rather as the idea of ​​"chivalry" or being a hero.

Yeah, when Touga was alive, he saved Juri because he was a decent guy, but he also did it in a dangerous way because he had no attachment to life and wanted to die. In reality, knights don't exist. They're an ideal. There are no knights. There are, however, people who seek to help others and who also need help. If you seek to be a knight, you end up taking agency away from the people you try to "save" and damaging yourself under impossible standards. And the ghost of chivalry/the idea of ​​the hero sought to drown Utena in the guilt of not being able to live up to those standards and in being stuck always trying to do so while burying her own humanity. She realizes this and tenderly dismisses the idea by her own choice with a goodbye kiss because, after all, she recognizes how it helped her at the time. But, like any self-damaging coping mechanism, it hurts her, and that's why she lets it go.

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Time for "Primum Non Nocere" part 2, ft. Henrik giving John the cutest look he's ever given anyone over the whole 12 years he was on the show!!!

Edit 1: Fleur!!

Edit 2: Not John monologuing on main.

Edit 3: Obsessed with the all-lowercase "fifteen hours earlier" right in the bottom left of the screen.

Edit 4: Did John just say the anaesthetist was called Dr. Maja?? Or did I imagine that because that name comes up a lot in a certain fanfic I'm working on???

Edit 5: OH FUCK NOT JASON.

Edit 6: Dr. Philippe Duplessis has to be one of my favourite one-off Holby characters. I just love his enthusiasm.

Edit 7: Fleur!!! Jac's ex!! (Sorry, I heard the "Fleur and Jac are exes" theory from that anon once and immediately latched onto it.)

Edit 8: Jac to John: "Come too far not to trust you now."

Edit 9: Bernie still looking great.

Edit 10: "And then Gaskell went off somewhere - probably some archaic Neuro ritual."

Edit 11: John telling Meena she did the right thing like he's not about to kick her off the trial.

Edit 12: John monologuing again. His whole "progress requires sacrifice" philosophy is actually really interesting. If they'd stuck with him being so obsessed with saving Lana he didn't care if other patients died, that would've been far more interesting than making him a murderer.

Edit 13: Jason sticking up for Greta! Good for him.

Edit 14: John doing the "walk with me" thing, a la Henrik (and Anton Meyer before them, apparently, but I haven't seen that far back).

Edit 15: Oof, Berena arguing.

Edit 16: "Not without a miracle." Religious/spiritual themes popping up again.

Edit 17: Omggg Sacha talking about Fletch and Abigail's relationship in front of Abigail without knowing it's her Fletch is dating.

Edit 18: RIC WALKING IN LMAOOO

Edit 19: John dissociating on main. Patrick Homes really leaned into the whole 'crazy John' thing, and not in a good way. ://

Edit 20: JOHNRIK

Edit 21: I love how this scene is framed as if John is looking in the mirror and seeing Henrik.

Edit 22: Oof not John snapping at Henrik :(

Edit 23: Oh fuck the other trial patient is in a coma! And John is monologuing again!

Edit 24: John talking about people being defined by choices is always fascinating, given the later reveal that he doesn't believe in consciousness/free will.

Edit 25: Ric having no idea what everyone else is going on about at the meeting is hilarious!

Edit 26: Ah, that Fleur and Bernie scene.

Edit 27: "Statistically speaking, you should've broken up weeks ago!" I LOVE Greta.

Also, her saying "I'm fine! This is to be expected!" and then screaming in pain is very me.

Edit 28: Rox when John is dissociating: "Are you okay, John??" Does he LOOK okay??

Edit 29: "Sacha, that makes literally no sense." Ric in this episode is me in every conversation I've ever had.

Edit 30: "Does anyone have any idea what Mr. Levy is talking about??"

Edit 31: "Do you have any idea what that was all about?" "I just work here." Actual exchange between the Holby fandom and the Holby scriptwriters being made to write out those terrible storylines in Holby's final years, I swear.

Edit 32: Charlotte Dunn mention! It's so weird that Holby never introduced her.

Edit 33: Serena talking about Elinor. :(

Edit 34: But awww, Bernie hugging her!

Edit 35: Abi looking great in this episode. I love her fashion sense.

Also, Fletch, you're scared of being serious with a woman because you're gay, love.

Edit 36: "Can we get this meeting over and done with, please?!"

Edit 37: Jac asking John "what have you done to me?". And John's response, I've already forgotten it exactly but it's something like "nothing more than you asked for".

Edit 38: Maybe it's not going to work in the short-term, Serena, but your and Bernie's love ended up defying death so... that's an indicator it worked I think. 😂

Edit 39: Jemma Redgrave is so good.

Edit 40: Is it me or is John being a little gay with Dr. Philippe Duplessis?

Edit 41: Guinevere Elinor, awww.

Edit 42: OMG not Donna and Fleur giving sapphic advice to Serena. I love it.

Edit 43: I love Abigail.

Edit 44: Kind of cute watching Serena tell Bernie she needs their relationship to work in hindsight of them now being married.

Edit 45: Sacha on Jac: "She ignores the pain. She's done it her entire life." :(

Edit 46: John saying the neoconduit could cause more harm than good is incredibly dark in light of the theory that it caused Jac's tumour.

Edit 47: LOOK AT HIM HE'S SO IN LOVE

Edit 48: John monologuing again and I missed most of it because I was uploading that Henrik pic. Lmao.

Edit 49: "Are you asking me out on a date?" "Yes, yes I am." Henruss wore that conversation much better than Flabigail.

Edit 50: Oof, John kicking Meena off the trial.

Edit 51: John saying the neoconduit "may, one day, kill Jac Naylor." OOF. I know she did have it removed by Guy Self in November 2018 and if the tumour started growing after that it's unlikely to have been related to John's experiments (and if it had started surely it would have been noticed) but even the slimmest chance that it was makes these episodes incredibly dark.