#my dog is also as far as i am concerned just a very strange small horse

[gurggggleburgle]

I dreamt I was giving a lecture to my dog on why in terms of physical intimacy the binghorse is a superior lover than a bingcentaur and what I hate is I can and would be able to put together an entire slide show with charts and everything because my anti centaur agenda runs deep.

[ablogcalledrevenge]

Potential (A General Hux x Reader Insert Multi-Chapter Fic, Rated M)

AO3 Link

Chapter Twelve

“And she’s so powerful Master, perhaps even more than the scavenger. She’s completely untrained but I could help hone her skills. It’s just so strange to me that I wasn’t able to sense it.” Kylo finishes, breathing heavily in his excitement. 

While the most important part was that you had this new power to learn and wield, Kylo was also secretly pleased that he would no longer be alone. The Force was a very isolating thing, especially for those more in tune with the Dark Side. Knowing there was someone else who could understand his feelings and struggles was comforting. Plus, it would be fun to mess around with Hux.

“Of course you weren’t able to sense it boy, I didn’t want you to.” Snoke says, interrupting his daydreams. Silence fills the chamber and it echoes. 

“You knew? The whole time? Why didn’t you say anything? Is that what you spoke to her about that night?” Kylo asks, growing more and more angry. Snoke just watches with mild bemusement, like Kylo is a small child getting mad that his parent lied about having sweets.

“We could’ve been helping her this whole time! She got hurt, Supreme Leader, she was in agony! We could’ve stopped that and stopped Pryde. She could’ve died and then Palpatine would be back!” Kylo shouted at his Master, feeling the slow, slimy crawl of darkness fill him up.

“Oh come now boy, do you really think Pryde’s pathetic plan would have worked? It was flawed from the start and lacking in past proven success. While the Light Side allows those who’ve passed to communicate with others still living, the Dark Side, especially that of a Sith, deals in absolutes. Death is death. He let his desire for power blind him to common sense.”

“Then why did we not stop him earlier and prevent the waste of time and resources? Why Master? Why put us through this?” He responds looking up at Snoke. Since the attack on Exegol, the Supreme Leader had made a visit to the Finalizer. Normally he has guards around him at all times, imposing figures dressed in all red. But he is alone, alone with Kylo.

Despite being old and sallow, he intimidated Kylo. He felt cowed in his presence, like an animal trying to hide in the corner of a cage. Clearly his Master knew more than he let on and deemed Kylo unworthy of the information.

“Because I needed to know where your loyalties lie!” Snoke roared, standing up from his throne. His student recoiled back.

“I am loyal to you Master, you know this! Ever since I was a child when you called to me. Why would I betray you? Your goals are my goals and I seek to serve you and learn from you. I wish to make you proud.” Kylo pleaded.

“Do you think I am blind Master Ren, or perhaps that I am merely stupid? Do you think I didn’t see the way you trailed after that insipid girl like a lost dog? Did you think that I was unaware of the relationship that started with the General? I’ve known the whole time and your behavior has been an embarrassment.” Snoke sneered, returning to his seat. He fumed for a moment, his already thin lips pulling tighter in fury.

“I am aware of General Hux’s desires for power and glory and before I found them easily managed. But now, his wife, like all vile women I’ve come to know, has poisoned his mind. She inflates his ego and aids his progress in a way that concerns me. She may bat her eyes and act innocent but she is vicious. Her goals far outweigh the General’s and I have no doubt that should he prove useless, she will get rid of him. Did you think yourself so special that she would treat you differently?” He continues, drumming his long, skeletal fingers on the arm of his chair.

“… What?” Kylo whispers into the still air of the chamber. One would think they were all frozen statues with how little they moved. No breeze ruffled their robes. No speck of dust floated through the air. The large chamber, despite being practically empty, felt like a vacuum.

A look of pity crossed Snoke’s face before morphing into a twisted attempt at glee. Not because he was trying to be kind and spare Kylo’s feelings, but more because such a pleasant expression had never graced his sunken face before.

“I don’t believe it. I thought you were smarter than that. Did you really think they liked you? That she meant all the things she’s been whispering in your ear? She chose you from the start to be a pawn in her game and your fate will probably go the way of all the other people she’s killed.”

Kylo made an odd choking noise he’d never heard himself make before.

“Are you truly that braindead? Did you think those deaths were all coincidences? She might have painted a pretty picture for the unwashed masses but I thought I’d trained you better than that. She wants to usurp me and our Brotherhood. She wants to dismantle the First Order and take everyone down with it.”

“You’re wr-wrong.” Kylo stammered out, his face red with shame. The hot slide of the Force turned to ice in his veins. Snoke scoffed.

“She doesn’t love you Kylo. Neither of them do. They are monsters, incapable of love. And you are too. I allowed this indiscretion to go on for a time, seeing how the passion made you stronger in your fighting. But now it’s gone too far. Love is for children and imbeciles! They are using you! They laugh at you when you leave them, thinking they’ve deceived you. They think they’ve deceived me!” He shouted, once again stepping off his platform and down towards Kylo.

Kylo’s vision was clouding, and Snoke’s words echoed in his ears. He started to look back on every interaction, examining them in a new light. He went over every kiss, every touch, every look for something sinister. Was it true? Was he that weak to jump at the chance of affection, even at his own risk?

The room felt like it was getting smaller, squeezing in on him. Snoke started to poke at his thoughts, paint them red and reveal the truth. The pain was immense and brought Kylo back to his childhood, crying under his bed after a scolding from his mother. Snoke had been there too, showing him the truth of his mother’s feelings. He showed him her disdain and her regrets. He showed him all the secret thoughts she had about her son. All through his life, Snoke had been there, molding him into the fierce warrior he was now.

And Kylo had failed.

The shame brought him to his knees. He had allowed himself to be lied to and manipulated. He had allowed simple pleasures of the flesh to override his devotion to the Force. Once again, he had tried to please his Master, bring more over to the Dark Side, and he had crashed and burned.

As humiliating as it was, he could move on from the scavenger. The Force was strong within her, but the Resistance had gotten to her first. She would be a worthy opponent.

But this, this cut him deep. This was no longer an issue of his pride or his teachings. This involved his heart. His distraction had nearly cost him his life.

Snoke approached him, the gold fabric of his robe coming into view. A cold hand rested gently on Kylo’s head.

“Your behavior has been disgraceful but not unexpected. You always did have a hard time removing your feelings from the situation. That’s why I’m here. To help you when you falter in your duties. She has used you and now must be stopped. You’ve been ignoring your work long enough. You must return to your mission and find Luke Skywalker.” Snoke said, his voice quiet and calm. Kylo sniffed and stared at the floor.

Then the hand petting his head stopped, and though Snoke removed his grip, Kylo still felt his head wrenched up. Kylo was eye to eye with his Master and as much as he wanted to look away, he could not move.

“You know what to do Kylo Ren, you know how to stop this. You can never complete your training if you allow others to manipulate you. Use the Force and follow your path. Show your loyalty and kill those who stand in your way.” Snoke declared, loosening his phantom grip and letting Kylo fall to the floor like a doll.

The edge of his lightsaber cut into his hip and his hand twitched. He had to speak with you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Kylo had left two hours ago, he had sat you down in front of a candle and told you to meditate. You’d focused your breathing like he’d shown you and kept the candle in sight. Kylo had said that meditation would not only help you understand and communicate with the Force but it would also help lessen the pain and lower the volume.

You were both surprised and not to find that he was right. It wasn’t that you thought Kylo was lying about his skills or knowledge, but you were worried that they wouldn’t work for you. No one had realized you were strong with the Force so who’s to say the training would even work? But it was.

The headache you’d had since you woke up in the medbay was receding every day, more so on days you meditated or practiced simple drills. When Kylo made you close your eyes and predict where a levitating ball was -or on one occasion, where he was going to kiss next- you felt proud. 

In those moments you understood and liked the Force. Hux was… well he wasn’t pleased exactly. But he let you and Kylo continue on and didn’t make a fuss. It was clear that he still regarded the Force with some skepticism but seeing the fundamentals being taught helped change his mind a little. The two people he cared most for in the galaxy were Force users, so he might as well just accept it.

So there you sat, legs crossed and breathing slow. The Force lay in front of you like a map, glowing lines intersecting and flowing over each other. There was a line connecting you and Hux, another going from you to outside the room towards Kylo probably, even one connecting Millie to you. And along each line, like the faintest glimmer, was the future. Or the possible future.

You saw worlds collapsing and expanding, empires rising and falling. Your own self seemed so minuscule in the will of the Force. The universe would continue on it’s path, only allowing you choices when it saw fit.

But there was a beauty in that, a release of responsibility. The Force didn’t care about you, it just connected you to others in the universe. So you would not care about it, you would continue as you were and only take nudges when they fit your vision. Still, getting to read people’s minds certainly wouldn’t hurt.

You released your breath and the candle went out, flooding your bedroom into darkness. That was enough introspection for a day. You changed out of your simple pants and shirt into the outfit you were planning on wearing for the evening. You and Hux were meeting a few officers for dinner and you wanted to show off your new dress. The dress was a gorgeous piece; black leather with enticing see through mesh and colorful floral embroidery. 

Glancing at the chronometer, you entered the living room, Millie resting peacefully on the couch while your darling finished his work. You needed to remind him of the time, so he could get ready as well. You still had to put your shoes on, but you would have your darling husband do that. The play at subjugation was always a fun little appetizer for the two of you.

Everything was quiet and easy and your brain relaxed as you waited.

It was into this calmness that Kylo burst in, his robes swirling around him like a storm. You didn’t need to sense his energy crackling around him to tell you he was in a mood. He looked furious and heartbroken and confused all at the same time. You and Hux both remained where you were in shock; him at his desk, you by the couch.

“Kylo, is everything alright?” Hux asked, setting aside his datapad. Kylo didn’t reply and instead removed his outer robe, letting it drop to the floor. His dark gaze bounced around the room, catching on random things and never staying for long. He looked at Hux for a long moment, your husband standing from his chair to perhaps embrace Kylo. But the expression on Kylo’s face made him falter.

Then he looked at you.

The sweet smile you greeted him with slid off your face as you felt yourself lift off the ground. You were being pulled up by your neck, the pressure getting tighter and tighter with each inch you rose.

“Kylo, what’s going on?! What are you doing? Put her down! Stop!” Hux yelled, racing over to Kylo to get him to stop. He pushed at the other man’s body, tried to pull his arm down where it extended in a claw towards you. But Kylo may as well have been a mountain for all that he moved.

Your feet were dangling, toes no longer anywhere near the floor, and your hands in their leather gloves scrabbled at your neck. You could feel Kylo’s grip, clear as any other time he had so lovingly touched your neck. But your fingers scratched at air, your throat convulsing by invisible means.

Tears rolled down your reddening face as you choked out Kylo’s name, begging him to stop. Hux ran to you, hands fluttering with uselessness.

“Kylo stop, please! I don’t understand! Why are you doing this?” He cried, turning pale.

“You lied to me! You were always lying to me! You’ve been using me! You don’t love me, you never have! The Supreme Leader showed me the truth. You used me and as soon as I would’ve  stopped helping you, you would’ve killed me. Killed me like all the others!” Kylo shouted, ignoring Hux entirely.

Your eyes, which had been pleading only moments before, turned hard and steely at the accusation. Seeing the change, and perhaps thinking it a confirmation, Kylo released you.

You dropped into your husband’s arms, gasping and coughing. Hux grabbed a cup of water from the little decanter you kept on the table in front of the couch, pouring you a drink.

“What the kriff are you talking about? We haven’t been lying! Of course we care about you!” Hux told him, his eyes blazing with rage. Yes, he did care about Kylo, but not enough to instantly forgive for almost killing you!

Just like that, an argument started, both men screaming in each other’s faces. Screaming about lies and loyalties and love and betrayal and plans and secrets. Kylo was revealing your plan step by step while Hux, bless him, was justifying it on every turn while attempting to place all the blame on himself. Poor Millie had run towards your bedroom, tail tucked between her legs.

“Enough.”

The word struck like a bell, silencing both men. During their flight you had regained your senses,

standing gracefully in front of the transparisteel window. Your voluminous gown stood out against the navy of space and you touched once at your throat to center yourself. 

“You’re right. That is my plan. I did kill all those people. I’m going to remove Hux’s superiors to place him in a position of authority. A role where no one is above him or controls him. I am going to make him Emperor. That’s all true.” You admit slowly, voice scratchy from the abuse. But it does not waver, even in the face of Kylo’s rage.

Hux lets out a sigh and sinks into one of the armchairs, his hand coming up to rub across his chin. His eyes switch between you and Kylo, worry creasing underneath.

“So you would kill me too? Strike me down if I was in your way?” Kylo sneers.

“Yes. But not anymore. My plans have altered slightly.” You admit with a shrug. Ever since Hux’s accident you’ve allowed yourself some flexibility. While you do want to stick to your goals, now you’ve discovered that some people are more important.

“That doesn’t matter! You still lied to me! You still brought me here to control me and use me! You never cared for me, never lo-loved me!” He shouts, pointing a finger at you.

“Oh grow up Kylo! That’s what love is! Being in love means being used, being controlled. I use Hux, he uses me! Did you think I married him merely for his looks? No, I knew his connections and position in the First Order would suit my goals. He did the same. Sure, I’m a beautiful woman with a sparkling personality but I also had family wealth and connections to Imperial planets. We chose each other for specific reasons and love followed. So to act annoyed because I picked you out first and then came to adore you is childish.”

“It’s true, we weren’t honest about our intentions at first, but is that so awful? You’re part of us now. Would you have come to us had you known the truth? Would you be happier without us? Have we ever treated you poorly, made you feel used?” Hux asked, his voice a calm break between the two of you starting to shout. Kylo started like he forgot Hux was there.

“And furthermore, how did we use you? What did we make you do? What did we ask of you? We kept you away from our plans on purpose. We didn’t want you getting involved.” He adds, a tone of sweetness entering his voice. It’s one that rarely appears but it seems to do the job of soothing Kylo slightly.

“I, I don’t understand. What was your plan for me? You say you chose me but for what? To warm your bed and nothing else? If that were true then why did Snoke confront you? Why involve me and not tell me the truth?” Kylo begs, stepping closer to you, reaching both hands into his hair to pull in frustration.

“Because you need to kill Snoke.”

The air in the room stills as your words land like bombs. Hux sucks in a nervous breath and Kylo drops his hands.

“You would have me kill my Master? Kill the Supreme Leader?” He whispers, as if afraid of saying the words too loud and making them real.

“Hux cannot be Emperor if Snoke rules over him. The Supreme Leader is old and weak and doesn’t care about the actual people he’s ruling over. All he cares about is the Force and eradicating the Jedi.” You reply, the cold expanse of space behind you.

“That is an important and noble cause!”

“Like hell it is! What does it matter if Skywalker still lives? He’s off on some rock somewhere being a recluse! It wasn’t until you started looking for him, on Snoke’s orders, that he became a problem. Snoke told you to try and convert the scavenger to the Dark Side and you failed and now she’s with the Resistance! She’s probably getting trained by Skywalker himself. You did this to yourself! Snoke’s foolhardy desire to get rid of the perceived threat of the Jedi caused the most powerful one to come out of retirement! He’s an idiot and so are you!” You shout, holding up your hand when Kylo tries to interrupt. You take a long sip of your water.

“For years Snoke has sent you on wild hawk-bat chases, going after old men and ghosts. He has diverted money and resources away from the First Order to complete his unnecessary missions. The skills of the Knights of Ren are legendary and he has been wasting them! He is not only wasting your time but your talent! I am only a beginner in the ways of the Force, I admit that, but even I can see that your mind reading skills and athletics are better suited for covert missions and interrogation. Instead you’re off playing hide and seek with people who do not wish to be found.”

“And why? Why Kylo? Why does he send you? Send your knights? If Snoke is so powerful, so wise, why doesn’t he do it? Because to be honest my love, had you failed me as much as you failed him, I wouldn’t keep giving you things to do. He’s distracting you, keeping you busy. He’s occupying your time so you never realize the truth. He gives you impossible tasks and berates you when you falter, pulling at your leash like a feral Neks when you try to do something by yourself. If anyone is using you, it is him, not me.”

Kylo sputters and laughs in a short, disbelieving way. He steps closer to you once more, forcing you to back up against the window, the cool glass making you hiss. Hux stands up from his chair but does not move further, knowing he is out of his depth between you and Kylo.

“If you’re so wise, so all knowing in the Force, ten steps ahead of everyone, then tell me: what is he distracting me from?” His voice is smooth like silk, gliding over your face and neck as he approaches you.

There is something predatory in his eyes, assessing and bright. You do not cower from him though your heart is pounding fast. You wonder if the sound is escaping your chambers, it seems so loud.

“From your true power. From the natural conclusion of your training. From questioning him. You are the Master of the Knights of Ren, and yet where is your authority? What choices are you allowed to oversee?” You explain, raising your hand slowly to rest against Kylo’s chest. Your fingers flex against the hard leather of his tunic.

“I run missions and lead battles all the time. I have plenty of control over myself and my Knights. You know nothing of the work I do for the Supreme Leader. You know nothing of the Dark Side!” He spits back, his eyes searching your face.

“I know more than you realize. You think I’d go into this blind, just doing whatever you tell me? If I’m going to have to deal with the Force, I’m going to learn about it all. True, I haven’t gotten through all of it and I doubt I ever will, but I know about the Light and Dark Sides of the Force. And yet… and yet you are neither.”

You catch your husband’s eye and beckon him forward with your other hand, below Kylo’s waist. He slopes up gracefully hovering near Kylo’s back but not touching.

“Why did Snoke teach you the ways of the Force, grab you away from your childhood and bring you into the Dark Side, and then not allow you to reach your fullest potential? Why refuse the moniker of Sith when that’s so clearly what he is?” You say, dropping your voice down into the register you use in the bedroom. Your hand slides up Kylo’s chest to his neck, playing with the tiny wisps of hair at his nape. Hux joins you, wrapping an arm around Kylo’s waist from behind and bringing the other up to replace yours on his chest. Kylo’s eyes have gone a little hazy, confused in how he got into this position but sinking deeply into serenity. He’s certainly not mad anymore and you’d take it.

“The Dark Side of the Force is rigid and hard to maintain. He wanted more flexibility for himself… and for us.” Kylo murmurs as Hux reaches below his belt and heavy tunic to caress at Kylo’s stomach underneath.

“But he won’t offer you the same flexibility. Why, when you have difficulty with a style or lesson does he not adapt and change? Give you the same kindness he extends to himself.”

A spark of comprehension lights in Kylo’s eyes. Seizing the moment, you quickly grip Kylo’s hair and pull his head back, Hux pushing at his back and legs to get him down on the floor between you. He kneels before you, neck straining from your pull, eyes once again furious. You smile at him, and it is wicked.

“Because the final act of a Sith is to kill their Master.”

Kylo wrenches away from you, a few of his dark hairs still trapped in your fist. He grabs his helmet and cowl by the door.

“You are wrong! My Master is wise in all things and has plans I can’t even conceive of. He has plans for me, he wants to help me. He has been raising me to my true potential since I was a child! I will not kill him!” He shouts and you fear momentarily for anyone passing by. The chambers are mostly sound proof but Kylo has a loud, commanding voice. You raise your voice right back.

“He has been manipulating you since you were a child! He has been hurting you since you were a child! Had you proven a bad student, he would’ve found another. He has never cared for you! If he did, he would’ve left you alone.” You shoot back, surprised to find wetness growing in your vision. Doesn’t he see what he means to you? How you’ve grown and changed?

“Kylo please, I love you so much. We love you and want you with us. We want to save the Galaxy, make it better. We need your help. We need your knowledge and skill and leadership over your knights. When I make Hux Emperor, you shall have freedom to do as you please. You can do whatever you want for us, with us. Snoke would never let you go! That’s why you must kill him. You need to take your rightful place, just like Hux will. It’s what I always wanted for you.” You add, trailing off quietly towards the end. The tears are really falling now and Hux comes to your side, reaching for your hand. 

“At the end of the day, it’s your decision Kylo. But someone is going to die when this ends. It’s your choice who.” Your husband says, his voice clear and his words final.

With that, Kylo gives you one last glare and storms out of your apartment. The door closes quietly behind him. You and Hux remain standing, tears streaming down your face, and hope that you didn’t just ruin everything.

You almost cancel your dinner plans but decide against it. Kylo needs time and you might as well eat a good meal before your death. It’s agony, trying to make friendly conversation while a pendulum hangs over your head, but you are the perfect hostess which means being the perfect guest. You are witty and charming, laughing at jokes and gazing lovingly at your husband. He remains mostly quiet and pleasant, leaving the communication mostly to you.

After a long dinner, you are finally free of company and return to your apartments. Millie has been fed and you both collapse on the couch. Hux pours you both a glass of whiskey and you sip next to each other, dread returning. Kylo doesn’t return after one glass or the next.

Eventually, you go to bed. Neither of you talk much, lying next to each other under the blankets. Hux reaches across the expanse and holds your hand. It makes your heart soar with affection and you kiss him sweetly. Declarations of love get whispered between you and you fall into an uneasy sleep.

You’re only a few hours into the sleep cycle when the front door opens with a beep. As if waiting for a signal, you and Hux spring out of bed. You trail behind Hux as he enters the sitting room, your simple blue nightgown fluttering around you.

Kylo is there, helmet off, lightsaber engaged, and breathing heavily. He stalks towards you and for a moment your head is empty. You are going to die and the realization freezes you in your tracks.

Then he disengages his lightsaber and lets it drop onto the floor with a clang. He extends his arm, previously behind his back, and drops Snoke’s mangled head on the carpet. He looks exhausted, skin pale and drawn. There is blood on his face by his temple. 

Then he falls to the floor as well, both of you reaching forward at the last second to catch him. Blood stains your hands where they press against his chest. Hux quickly removes Kylo’s uniform, inhaling sharply at the sight of blood and gore on his chest. There was a battle clearly and Hux whistles for Messy. The mouse droid zooms over and Hux makes a request for medical supplies. You have some in your chambers but Kylo will probably need more than your paltry supply. He needs to go to the medbay, something Hux keeps saying but Kylo shakes his head.

“I did it, it’s done. Snoke is dead. The Knights have pledged to me and only me. I’m free.” Kylo breathes out, voice scratchy. Hux looks at you in shock. You had hoped that Kylo would choose you, would follow your plan, and now he had.

Snoke was dead. There was nothing standing in your way. Kylo could pronounce The Supreme Leader dead in the morning and Hux could be crowned by the afternoon. It was done, you were finished.

“Kylo, you miraculous boy!” Hux croons, pushing away his sweaty hair and kissing his temple.

While your husband worked on treating Kylo’s wounds, labored breaths and hisses of pain accompanied by soothing nonsense, you sat on the floor in a heap.

All the lying and killing and deceiving could end. You had won. Your plan had worked. Hux was going to be Emperor! Hux… was going to be Emperor…

Kylo’s lightsaber rested by your knee, easily reachable. Snoke’s head lay nearby, his face in a frozen state of shock, eyes gone dim. The men were busy, occupied with other things but within your range. Your hands rested on your lap covered in blood, possibly Snoke’s, maybe Kylo’s. 

Your heartbeat slowed like it always did when you were facing a momentous decision. Your eyes swung back and forth between the lightsaber, the head, and your hands. The voices behind you faded to white noise.

The Force gave you a vision. Paths lighting up and expanding out from your hands.

You had won, your hard work had paid off. All your obstacles were gone. You could have everything you wanted. And more… You could have more. The weapon was in reach and by the time they realized what you were doing, they’d be dead. This was your plan, your idea! They had done their part and you didn’t need them anymore.

But you, you could do more. You could rise higher than thought possible, bringing the Galaxy to it’s knees. They were only men; easily distracted and disposed of. You could kill them now and have it all.

The First Order would obey you, Phasma’s troops falling in line at your show of cunning. The Knights would respect you, ruthlessly taking the opportunity. Men were weak and you were strong. You were better than them, better than everyone! You could be Empress of all, ruling for centuries!

All you had to do was pick up the lightsaber and cut their throats. All you had to do was kill them. It would be easy, they’d barely feel a thing. You could do it without breaking a sweat. You could spin a story to make yourself look good, give yourself deniability. You could become a God, rule the First Order and then the Galaxy!

You could kill them. You could kill them. Kill them. Kill them. Kill them! KILL THEM! KILL THEM!

KILLTHEMKILLTHEMKILLTHEMKILLTHEMKILLTHEMKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLTHEMKILLTHEMKILLKILLKILL

You screamed then, air rushing into your lungs as you fell forward into your lap, bloody hands pushed outward.

“I can’t do it, I won’t do it! Don’t make me, I don’t want to! Get this off me! Get it off! Please, I don’t want to. I love you, I could never, I don’t want to.” You cry out, Hux coming to you and pulling you gently into a more comfortable position against his chest. Kylo, now mostly stable, takes your hands and removes the blood. He is gentle and soft. He knows what you were thinking. 

“Together, together or not at all.” Kylo whispers, placing a reverent kiss on your clean palms. You sniffle and give a shaky smile. The vision fades away, just an idea that passes along.

“You have done so much and done it well, now we can relax and take our place in history. Relax my dear, rest now. It’s done.” Hux says into your ear and you nod, feeling yourself slump further into his embrace.

“It’s done.” You murmur back, repeating the phrase a few times, testing the weight on your tongue. It tastes delicious.

A laugh bubbles up in your chest then, loud and obnoxious. You can’t stop it and it escapes, echoing in the room and startling the men. A beat and then they follow, laughing along with you.

The laughter grows for a moment, a Stormtrooper passing by on patrol hearing it but paying it no mind.

Then it dissipates and the energy in the room settles. Hux lifts you in his arms and carries you back to bed, Kylo trailing behind, fist gently tugging on your nightgown.

You settle into sleep, your husband on one side and your lover on the other, and you drift away into peaceful nothingness. A smile is on your face.

Epilogue Coming Soon!

Tagging: @babbushka, @livy1391, @renaissance-mama, @girl-next-door-writes​, @peqchynero​, @niniita-ah, @the-temple-pythoness​, @cupofmoonlighttea​, @sincerely-cronch​, @potato-ren​, @brujademente​, @ah-callie​, @rosirinoa​, @lwtficrecs​, @theold-ultraviolence​, @mad-hatters-teapot​, @firstordermariposa, @revolution-starter, @shereadsinquiet, @isthisheaven5

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[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Eldritch horror, the second type

We have arrived.

There is no way to know exactly what sort of place we have arrived at.

As one might expect, the first words spoken by the girl were of the kind one would have expected even from a baby: words which had no relation to the universe around her. Words like "buddy," or "dude," or (the most popular of all) "wooly." The words had no connection to reality. The girl made no attempts to change or refine her speech. She did not even notice the fact that most of her words were ungrammatical; there are, after all, no rules about spelling in a universe like this one.

There are also no rules about who speaks these words. The girl is speaking, as far as we can tell, without being given any orders by anyone else. We saw this clearly in the little bits of data that have come down to us from the boy's initial transmissions to his family. The little bits that gave a small idea of what the boy's family was like and what sort of parent they were: a mother and father with a strong sense of humor and a fondness for strange and complicated tales about the things they had done in their childhoods. A man with a special interest in the kinds of creatures we had seen the boy's mother and her friends describe so often (a man who was a little obsessed with them, we have to admit), and a few other more minor figures who had not been directly mentioned in what little the boy said. The mother was a woman with the look of a person made in a way that one finds oneself describing as "kind and pleasant, but not very social." The father was a man with a long face and a large beard. It was the mother, then, who had written this note.

The parents may or may not have been telling the truth. But the only way to find out would be to go inside the house and ask the boy.

We have already said that we do not know what sort of house this is, because the boy speaks no common tongue. When I first heard his first words, it seemed possible that I might have to translate them. Now, though, I am not so sure. My knowledge of languages has improved enormously in recent years, yet I know that a language is not merely a set of words and letters which have meanings -- it is the totality of the universe which uses those words to communicate, and that universe is quite large. I suppose that I can look more closely into the world around the girl and figure out for myself what language it is using. That is all I can really do.

But first, I will say one more thing.

"Wooly," for instance. If the little boy had only been saying this one word, he would have been able to converse for many hours, and he would have told me a lot more. But if that is all he ever said, he would have had to be one of the most inflexible people in this universe. There are so many words like this, words which are used to describe not only things, but also certain kinds of people. You might have an argh kind of dog, or a groff kind of dog, or a woof kind of dog, but you don't have a groff woof kind of dog: you have a dog with a groff woof kind of behavior. The boy never told me all these different words, but I am sure there are hundreds of them. The boy says one word. But as far as his family is concerned, he is a very inflexible person.

For we have already said that this world is an inflexible place. There is no freedom, not for anyone here. The girl, in her babyhood, was free to make whatever sounds she liked, but in adulthood, she can do little else. She cannot change the color of her skin. There is no freedom in this world. There is freedom for those who have a little bit of power, perhaps, and there is freedom for those who understand the rules. But for the rest of us, there is nothing else.

"Wooly. We are here."

The woman with the kind eyes is smiling at me.

"You're so lucky to get to see my baby," she says. "Come right in, my dear, I'll just be a moment! You remember that woman from the train station, dear? The one who looked at you so strangely as she said goodbye, and who seemed to know you somehow? I'm going to send a baby girl down to help her, but first you have to try her on for size. It's just a little baby doll, don't be a baby about it."

The woman laughs, and says something in a different tone of voice to me. I do not understand the words, but it is a clear change of mood: the first kind, the one which sounds as if the woman might be laughing in real life, is giving way to the second, the one which sounds as if the woman may be sad instead of laughing.

"You see," the woman says with another laugh, "I love her. You see, she's my daughter. Her name is Sarah, after my aunt Sarah who helped raise me. She calls me Mama, but I think she might one day call someone else. I'll let you know if anything happens."

I have never heard anyone speak this way about the mother or father before. It sounds as if I are being lied to.

I am trying hard to think of another possibility.

This girl has never been shown any kind of television.

No one here would ever tell a child about the television.

She doesn't know about the internet.

No one here would tell a child about the Internet.

The boy knows about television, but he has not known about the Internet. His parents certainly do not know about the Internet, though he probably does know about it. The boy did not have access to the Internet himself until much later on.

It is only one word, but it feels like everything has gone out of place for me.

I am trying very hard to control my voice, to be calm, but the room seems to have no walls any more. All I see is this woman sitting beside me. She is so small, so kind.

I say, with a little quiver of the voice, "We are here, I suppose. What is here?"

"I haven't been inside, dear, but I'm sure we can figure something out. Oh, and don't worry about Sarah. They'll keep her happy, the way they kept you happy back at the train station. We'll get them back. I'll call up the other members of the group when I get home and have them meet us here. Oh, and if you're nervous, here, this is your baby doll. You won't believe how big they get. Here, Sarah, come on, come on."

I know, as I say this, how it would happen if I said it out loud. I would not be able to stop myself

[kanika-vargrhugr]

Content warning: some discussion of gore and violent urges.

One thing that I wish was more talked about in the community is the "dark side" of alterhumanity. There seems to be this focus on being very palatable, aesthetically pleasing, or otherwise "normal", but for myself and many other alterhumans I have spoken with, this denies the freedom to talk about a whole lot of our experiences.

Animals aren't all about pretty forest pictures and fluffy ears and tails, they are also wild, instinctual, and don't care about human ideas of socially acceptable behavior.

An example from my own experiences came from a night a few months back where I just could not sleep due to my prey drive. I watched a video which included a wolf eating a lamb for one of my classes, and I just went wild. I became food aggressive towards that wolf for having the lamb instead of me. I had full jaw phantom shifts that were just itching to crunch down on bone and tendon, and lick up soupy entrails. I really did honestly whip myself into a snarling, drooling, animal feeding frenzy. I even started gnawing on my own hands during it, just to get the feeling of some flesh and bones on my teeth.

Now, obviously, thats kind of embarrassing. I felt stupid and dirty afterwards for doing something so un-human and unacceptable, but that got me thinking, am I really living my animality if I'm concerned with what is "allowed" even in my most animal moments?

I think the answer is no.

If I am spending half my time denying my "lower", for lack of a better word, animal impulses, in favor of only indulging and showing the "cool" ones, then I am denying half of what it means to be animal.

I already know I have these urges, I see them in every time I start at something small running past me, and every time I hear another animal come into my "territory", so why not discuss them?

These unflattering animal urges are a normal part of my day-to-day life. Obviously I have them under control, but letting them out or at least acknowledging them in small, productive ways, leaves me feeling more in-tune with my animality than ever. In fact, I find that pushing down the unfavorable urges may make them less frequent, but for me it means when I do get them, they are far stronger. Because of this, I like to accept and acknowledge these feelings, and indulge them in small, constructive, nonharmful ways.

To discuss this further, let's take a look at some of the more unflattering and darker traits and urges that come with me being a wolf:

- Strong predatory feelings towards things smaller than me (deer, rabbits, even small to medium dogs, etc.), especially if they are moving quickly

- A tendency to seek out and poke and prod for weaknesses in animals and people alike, stemming from wolves hunting methods

- Fear of the new and unknown to a disruptive level. Wild wolves are very cautious, and anything or anyone new or strange will be a point of both fear and curiosity. The same goes for myself.

- Destructive chewing urges, constantly, to the point I will chew and bite at my own fingers and arms when they are at their worst

- Attraction to meat, any meat. Roadkill, the raw meat in the butcher shop, the random animal carcass in the forest, it all looks like fair game to my instincts

- As an extension to the previous point, odd meat preferences/things that look appetizing to me. Raw flesh, blood, guts, cracked bones, skin and tendons, it all looks like good eating

- Food aggression and hoarding behaviors. I have the feeling whenever I get my hands on a meal, that I need to run off with as much of it as I can, and wolf(haha) it down before anyone can take it from me

- The urge to mark and defend territory. This can include howling and patrolling and other such fun things, but it also can mean making a fool of myself when others are in my home or room, subconsciously blocking them from going places with my body, grumbling and pacing to comfort myself, etc.

- Very heirachal thinking. Wolves squabble often to reaffirm who is dominant or submissive in interactions between the pack. This leaves me constantly gauging myself against others, subconsciously using physically intimidating body language, or, in cases where I deem myself the submissive one, engaging in wolflike submissive body language, which is often socially odd (lowered head, not making eye contact, etc.) since some people misunderstood when I previously posted this, I am not referring to alpha theory here, as it has been continuously disproven and I know this. I am just referring to general social dominance dynamics.

Thats all that comes to me off the top of my head, though I'm sure there are a few more. I would once again like to reiterate, that while I have urges and tendencies towards all of these behaviors, I don't act on them in any harmful way. Some have easy outlets, like participating in wrestling, buying things to chew on, or chasing things and/or people that are ok with me chasing them, and so on. Others are more difficult, but talking about them to others with similar feelings, or utilizing them in more acceptable ways always seems to help.

Well, there are my experiences, now I would like to hear yours! Feel free to talk about any odd or grotesque urges you may find your animality brings you - I would love to read about them.

[yoddream]

You and Jeno were the best of friends. Growing up together, you saw each other’s good and bad moments, learned every flaw, and knew every fact. It was hard to separate the two of you, even in high school. You even started attending the same college. There wasn’t a single friend one had that the other didn’t.

Then, Jeno got a girlfriend.

There was nothing wrong with Yeeun. She was an absolute sweetheart and was always so nice to you. She made Jeno really happy, which was all you ever wanted. The problem was that Jeno seemed to give her all his time. It started out small, with him ditching you some days for lunch to have it with her instead. Then, he wouldn’t be able to make it to a hangout with your friends because he was taking her on a date. That turned into him canceling at the last minute. Soon, every lunch was spent with Yeeun. He stopped responding in the group chat as much. Sometimes he would leave you on read.

The last straw was him not showing up to movie night anymore, only to show up the next day with a bunch of hickeys on his neck. Movie nights started when you guys were toddlers. They were sacred and only canceled for emergencies or an illness. If anyone was on vacation, you would FaceTime and watch together. There was no excuse for him to miss movie nights.

That one broke you.

You couldn’t count how many times Jaemin held you as you cried yourself to sleep, knowing you’d practically lost your best friend. You hadn’t hung out with him in a long time, and it felt like a part of you was missing. It was obvious the others were worried about you, but they felt helpless. The bags under your eyes refused to disappear. You ate, but it wasn’t very much. You fell into a deep depression, and they did everything they could to get you out of it.

Were you too reliant on Jeno? Probably, but this wasn’t somebody you’d met recently; this was somebody you’d potty trained with, someone who gave you his stuffed dog when an older kid pushed you off the jungle gym and broke your arm, somebody who knew every secret you had. He was very special to you, and just like that, he was gone.

///

Jeno: hey, wanna get ice cream?

The text stared back at you. You rubbed at your eyes to make sure it wasn’t a dream, and sure enough, it was still on your screen, waiting for a response. You hadn’t showered in almost a week, which you knew annoyed Haechan because he had to smell you all the time since he was your roommate, and your face was covered in acne. You looked like this, and he suddenly wanted to hang out? Normally, you didn’t care how you looked when you hung out with your friends, but this was different. Jeno could see that you weren’t doing well, and you didn’t want that.

Wait.

You knew why he wanted to hang out.

He and Yeeun broke up.

That was the only explanation. Why else would he try to make plans? The last time you hung out alone was almost three months ago. You really only saw him when the group made plans and he wasn’t canceling to be with Yeeun. Why you, though? Why not the whole group?

You: yeah gimme an hour

When he sent a thumbs up emoji, you threw your phone down and raced to the bathroom. You took extra time in the shower to make sure everything was washed and fresh before getting out. Once you were dressed, you put on makeup, making sure to cover all the acne on your face. After deeming yourself presentable, you texted Jeno to ask where you were going for ice cream. He suggested the place near your apartment, so you grabbed your things and headed out, glad that Haechan wasn’t there to question you.

The ice cream place wasn’t far, but Jeno still managed to get there before you. As you approached him, you debated giving him a hug or not. It’s been so long, you didn’t know if it was okay anymore. It sounded insane, but his change in behavior made you question every action.

“Hey!” Jeno greeted you with his bright smile. It didn’t quite reach his eyes, but he still looked adorable. You waved to him and reached for the door, but he beat you to it and held it open for you.

The inside of the ice cream shop was cute, with pastel walls and cartoon cows painted on the counter. The tables were a light pink with white legs, and same with the chairs. It was small, but you two loved going there. You ordered and paid before bringing your cups to the table Jeno chose. He thanked you and dug in, not hesitating to eat his feelings.

“So, you and Yeeun broke up?” you asked.

He stopped eating. “How did you know?”

You paused. How could you explain it without either hurting his feelings or getting into an argument? Telling him the truth would surely change the vibe, and not for the better. “...Lucky guess.”

“Huh. Well, yeah. She broke up with me. I don’t even know why, though. She refused to tell me,” he explained, stabbing his spoon into his ice cream. “Like, was it something I did? Is it something I need to work on so that my next relationship lasts?”

“You think you won’t get back together?” you questioned.

He shrugged. “I mean, if she wants to, then I will, but that’s also if I still want to date her by the time she decided. It just sucks, because I thought things were going well. The sex was great, we got along really well, and we never fought. To be dumped just like that is just very strange.”

You winced at the comment about their sex lives, not really wanting to know in the first place. It did seem very out of the blue for her to break up with him, but you tried not to dwell too much on it. It would only upset him more.

The two of you caught up, but it seemed like he didn’t realize just how absent he was from your life. He asked about your classes and your family, wondering how they were doing since he hadn’t seen them in a while. You asked the same and also questioned if he’d made any friends, which he hadn’t. So all his time was spent with just Yeeun, it seemed.

When it was time to head back to your apartment, Jeno hugged you goodbye before heading the opposite direction. Your feet dragged, your body screaming for you to return to Jeno and get as much attention from him as possible, but you had homework you needed to work on, so you continued home.

///

“Jesus, just like that?” Jaemin asked Jeno.

The two of them were hanging out at Jaemin’s apartment, playing video games and talking about the break up. When Jaemin found out, he immediately called the other man and invited him over. They were catching up on things when Jaemin had asked about the break up, and Jeno told him everything.

“Just like that. No explanation. How the hell am I supposed to feel about that? Angry? Sad? I need something so I know how to process it,” Jeno ranted.

“Who else knows?”

“Well, Y/N figured it out when we went out for ice cream.”

“Wait, you hung out with Y/N?” Jaemin asked.

“Is it really that surprising?”

“Considering you practically dropped her, yeah.”

“What do you mean?”

“Dude, ever since you and Yeeun started dating, you’ve bailed on all your plans with Y/N. We tried to get her to give up, but she still had hope.”

Jeno’s heart started to race. Surely he didn’t do that to his best friend, right? Pulling out his phone, he opened his texts with you, and his stomach dropped at all the times he canceled on you, said he already had plans, or just left you on read. For months, you put up with it without saying a word to him. For months, you tried to keep your friendship going, and what did he do? Nothing.

“I’ve gotta go,” Jeno stated as he ran towards the door.

“What? Where are you going?” Jaemin called out.

“I need to fix this.”

Without elaborating, Jeno left the apartment and ran down the stairs. When he got outside, he hopped into his car and sped to your place. He couldn’t believe he did that. No wonder you seemed a little uncomfortable the other day. You didn’t know how to act around him anymore. He really fucked up.

Before he knew it, he was knocking on your apartment door. It took a few seconds, but then you were looking at him with wide eyes, clearly not expecting him to be standing there. He took in the dark circles under your eyes and the stress acne he knew you got whenever you were depressed and said, “I’ve been a really bad friend, haven’t I?”

The tears fell before it even registered that your eyes were watering. Soon, you were sobbing into Jeno’s shoulder as he stepped in and tried to soothe you. You started to hyperventilate, the emotions overwhelming you.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Y/N. It’s okay, though I’m here now,” he stated, repeating his words softly.

He managed to move the two of you to your room, lying on your bed with you wrapped in his arms. You continued to cry, and it surprised you that you had any tears left. He rubbed your back and pressed kisses to your hair, just like he did whenever your depression got really bad. He felt extremely guilty for being the cause of your tears and sadness.

“I missed you so much,” you whined.

“I missed you too I’m so sorry I ditched you. I shouldn’t have done that,” he said. “I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you.”

///

Dreamies (plus Y/N)

Haechan: (picture of you and Jeno sleeping in your bed with Jeno wrapped around you like a koala)

Haechan: all is right in the world again.

Jaemin: oh, that’s where he went.

Mark: Finally! I’m glad they’re working things out

Renjun: Good. I was really concerned about her

Chenle: look at Renjun having feelings

Haechan: gross

Jisung: seeing her cry made me cry so i’m glad they’re talking again

Chenle: you big baby

part two is here

[docockbrainrot]

i think i want you (to leave)

Summary: We’re all running from something. Sometimes, metaphorically. Sometimes, literally. Literally running, from the very strangely hypnotizing supervillain that seems hellbent on ruining every bit of your life he can get all eight of his limbs on.

Pairing: Doc Ock X Reader/ Otto Octavius X Reader

Content: Slow Burn, NSFW eventually, 18+

AO3 link here.

Previous Chapter

Chapter 5

anathema// former vandal

The next several days are an uneventful blur. You barely leave your apartment, except for brief dog walks and grabbing food from the bodega across the street.

It’s 9 pm on Saturday and you’re fresh out of the shower, tucked away in a very fuzzy robe, lounging on the couch and watching YouTube on your television. You almost miss the subtle taptaptaptap sound coming from your window, you're so engrossed in the cooking show you’ve been binging. Gotta fill the void somehow, right?

You can’t see anything outside from where you’re sitting. The lights are on and make it impossible to peer through the reflections on the glass. Maybe it’s a bird. Or a branch is caught on the fire escape. Either way, you certainly can’t be assed to check it out and you take another sip of your chamomile tea- you’ve been trying everything under the sun, just about short of literally snorting lines of melatonin, to try to sleep better at night. Nothing’s been working. But you have been making a very valiant effort.

A few moments go by and you forget all about the window disturbance until,

TAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAP.

It’s jarring. It’s loud. Above all else, it’s annoying. Chekov spares you a look, like you’re the one making a racket. Effectively exasperated, you make an effort to set, not slam, down your mug, feeling decidedly not Calm and Relaxed as the tea promised. Suppose it’s not miracle shit though, is it? You would not be a good candidate for a horror movie because you fearlessly storm over to the window and throw it open (it wasn’t locked in the first place; you’re quite terrible at remembering to). You stick your head out and glower at whatever irritating mischief is happening out here, ready to rip the fire escape off the side of the brick building.

You’re greeted by something cold and hard (and indubiously metal, judging by how it felt against your sternum) shoving you back into your apartment, sending you sprawling unceremoniously to the hardwood floor. A string of profanities ready to leave your tongue, you sit up and adjust your robe in an attempt to preserve a modicum of your modesty. The rant dies in your throat as red eyed claws grip the threshold of your pre-war window and it’s almost comical the way He maneuvers himself in, far too large to be making these sorts of entrances. Standing up to his full height before you while you’re still sitting dumbfounded on the floor reminds you of just how impressively built he is. You manage to pick your jaw up, but your ass remains firmly planted on the wood.

“Uh… you could have just used the buzzer, dude. I have a front door, you know,” you sputter out, brain blitzing in pretty much every way possible. Your thoughts are racing and eventually they settle on the most important thing you can think to ask in that moment: “... Why aren’t you wearing a shirt.” You can't help the way your eyes are drawn to his broad chest, gaze lingering on the vast scarring that spills out from the metal contraption clamped around his midsection.

Otto very graciously closes the window behind himself. Or at least his little robot accomplices do it for him. You still aren’t sure what’s going on with that- the whole AI thing. Not even a blip on your radar of concerns at this point. “Didn’t want anyone to see me come in. Your building has a camera on the front, facing the street.”

“That’s why you’re shirtless?” You ask dumbly. Interesting method of camouflage. “What? No- what? It doesn’t matter- listen to me. I need you to do something for me. A small favor.”

He doesn’t seem to notice the compromised position he put you in. Typical. Gathering up your broken pride, you get up and tighten the tie of your robe a bit. It isn’t until then that he has the decency to look a smidge embarrassed and you hope you didn't just give him a free show on your way to getting to your feet. “You literally just broke into my apartment and now you’re asking for a favor? We barely know each other!”

“Less complicated when there's nothing personal involved yet, plus- you let me in,” he corrects you. You wish he would stop doing that. You wish he would stop meeting with you like this, under weird and mysterious circumstances. Even though it's only been like twice. You're already over it.

“You threw me across the room!”

“Touche.”

Otto does not apologize and you did not sincerely expect him to. The look on his face reads more like the cat that got the canary than regretful. You feel as though you’ve come to recognize that expression on his face and you also feel as though you don’t much like the fact that you’ve enough encounters with this man that you can recognize a damn thing about him. “What… could you possibly need me to do for you? I am not robbing a bank.” You just want to get that out into the open as soon as possible.

“I don’t need your help robbing a bank,” he snorts as if the idea is preposterous and you take a moment to feel insulted. Wow. Okay. You could totally rob a bank if you wanted to. Deciding to not comment on your wounded ego, you let him get to the point. Otto pulls something out of his inner coat pocket. It's some kind of rolled up paper and you think at first maybe it's a newspaper or magazine. He unfurls it onto the coffee table and holds it open with two metal claws on either side so it doesn't ravel itself back up.

You realize it's a blueprint. "This is… Oscorp," you point out stupidly, brow furrowing in confusion. There's levels to what's happening here. Layers upon layers, melding together with rot and decay and you can all but smell it. But there's something missing, something that would tie all of the wackjob shit that's been happening to you and around you together. It feels like when you have a very particular thought and then walking into another room makes it dissolve from your head. You're trying to grasp for it, to fit the puzzle pieces together, but it's just out of reach.

"Yes. It is. I have a small task I need you to do," Otto starts off, metal phalanges pushing his glasses up onto the top of his head as he looks over at you. For the first time, you can see his eyes in the light. The warm amber feels like a mockery- you have seen his cruelty in action.

"Where did you get this?"

"Does it matter?" Of course he'd say that.

Your fingertips brush against the metaphorical wayward chain link. It's right there. You just have to grab it and pull it back to you, like the anchor of a ship before it can set sail.

He's talking. You aren't listening. He's tracing a finger over the schematics. You don't see it. Realization washes over you in a heart-dropping tsunami. The voicemail you got from Oscorp plays like a broken record in your mind. 'Hello, Y/N. We're calling in regards to your employment status here at Oscorp. Unfortunately, due to a breach of security, we are having to make staffing cuts and are going to have to let you go. We appreciate your time and effort and wish you the best of luck in your next endeavor.' It didn't make sense at the time. A lot of things didn't. You replay the scene of poor David, desperately pleading for his life at the hands of the man hunched over here, just in your living room. You mentally re-run it over and over like bad 80s sitcoms on late night television.

"Lab Coat Guy…"

You don't realize you whispered it out loud until Otto goes silent.

"What?"

You slowly look at him and take a single step backwards, shaking your head. The company embroidered on David's lab coat hadn't been clear to you in the moment- but it's crystal in hindsight. Oscorp. "You got me fired." Your tone is flat, until anger flashes through you, like a streak of lightning through a dark, moonless sky, illuminating all of things that didn’t make sense before.

"It doesn't matter. What I need you to do-" He's so nonchalant, so blasé that it only stokes the embers of frustration until there's a roaring blaze burning beneath your skin. It's all about him, what he needs, what he wants. He has the nerve, the audacity, to keep traipsing into your life, kicking you while you're down and then ask for favors? You want to say all of that to him but unfortunately for you, you're an angry crier. Your outburst of bravery at him the last time you saw each other had surprised even you- but now there's so much more emotion roiling around inside you.

"No. No, no. Fuck you. You got me fired! I can't- I can't not have a job, I have to pay rent! You could get me arrested for just talking to you!" Oscorp had you canned to tie up any potential loose ends before anymore Davids could slip through the cracks. You think about how scared the poor dude must have been, threatened into stealing blueprints from the biggest corporation in the city, for one of the most infamous criminals. You don't know how they found out you were even remotely involved and you don't want to know.

Tears are streaming down your cheeks and once the floodgates have opened you're very familiar with how long it's going to take to close them again. After all you've been bottling this up since you found out, too disappointed to even tell any of your friends or family.

Otto appears taken aback, to say the least. He even looks like he's at a loss for words; that's a first. You know he could kill you where you stand in the blink of an eye, but in that moment you don’t even care. You’ve been trying so hard for so long to get on your feet, to do things for yourself and get away from the past. You moved across the country, you left everything behind, you got a damn dog. It seems like every time you manage to take a step forward in life, you’re knocked flat on your ass, apparently literally sometimes. It isn’t fair. Things don’t come easily to you, you’ve always had to work for them. You aren’t wealthy, you aren’t a supergenius, you’re just… you. The job at Oscorp was good money and you really felt like you were getting your shit together for a while.

“They’re not who you think they are,” he says finally, so calmly, with such carefulness about his words, that you sniffle pathetically and look up at him. He doesn’t look nearly as pleased with himself as you thought he might. And here you’ve been, under the impression that he gets off on hurting people. “Oscorp. I’m not… I’m not just doing this for me. You have to understand that.”

The schematics are furled up and tucked away. You make the mistake of meeting his eyes. Maybe it’s just the tears that blur your vision, but you swear you see a softness there before they’re hidden away again by his glasses.

He lingers at the window.

“I hope you’ll reconsider.” And then he was making his exit, even taking care to gently close the window on the way out. But he raps on the glass with his knuckles from where he stands on the fire escape and you know the look of confusion on your tear-streaked face speaks for itself. Otto points to the latches on the window. ‘Lock it.’ He mouths before he’s gone, presumably to wreak havoc and harass other unsuspecting young women that don’t want anything to do with him.

You thought everything had come together- but the more sense you make of it, the less you seem sure of the bigger picture. You aren't even sure exactly what he wanted you to do.

You’re left with an endless bounty of questions, and not enough answers to satisfy any of them.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “Confession.”

Hope you guys have a great Monday, and hope you  like the story.

The rundi pilot maneuvered his ship around a chunk of space debris, cutting low as he watched the slow and  leisurely path of the rocket as it began on its trajectory towards the moon. Radar was almost impossible to use in the debris field these humans called an orbit, so it was up to his eyes to make out any incoming hostels. 

They circled low and then wide around the slow moving rocket keeping their distance while also keeping an eye out. It was easy enough as the drone was covered in cameras and sensors , which allowed them to see from almost every angle. A human might have been better at this, but right now they were the only ones they could trust.

***

A green folder rested atop the lectern as the President of the UN gave her halting, and to the chairwoman it seemed, unenthusiastic speech. The humans down below didn’t seem to notice, making her wonder if she was simply imagining things,though a part of her said that was not the case.

She had been suspicious of the Un president from the very beginning, the very beginning when she was given power after the first launch of the enterprise, and they had been forced to deal with her during treaty negotiations . At every step there seemed to be some sort of obstacle, something wrong, some reason that the humans could just not accept. It went on behind closed doors and in quiet whispered conversations. But luckily for them people like Adam Vir and Admiral Kelly had been there to smooth things over between the two. 

The chairwoman knew better than most, that there were only a few humans in the galaxy holding everything together.

And the last thing she wanted was bad relations, or to go to war with this species. It would be a nightmare.

She shifted in her seat as she listened to the speech. The valley below her still had traces of smoke let off by burning so much fossil fuel at once . She imagined that such a stunt  wasn’t entirely great for the atmosphere of the planet, though as far as she knew humans tended to run on sustainable clean energy these days.

The chairwoman stepped down from the little podium and into the back where she could not be seen leaning in so she could hear the words whispered from her assistant, “The drones are deployed, and so far we have not met any resistance.

She nodded slowly, “Good work, keep an eye out.”

***

The Un president felt her fingers digging into the soft paper of the green folder. The red one was lying discarded under the lectern, and she was having trouble concentrating, forcing herself to remember that this wasn’t over. She glanced into the crowd expecting to see that strange white face staring up at her from the throng of people, but there was nothing. 

Had she seen it as in her imagination, or did she really see an alien face staring back at her.

She glanced upwards towards where the rocket had vanished, only half paying attention to the practiced words that dribbled from her mouth. She finished her speech and the people below clapped and cheered heartily, though she didn’t much feel like clapping with them.

She turned on her heel and walked down the back of the stage to where her entourage was waiting for her. Admiral Massie was sitting on one end and Admiral Kelly was sitting at the other, the two of them doing their damndest to ignore each other at all costs. 

She sat down next to Admiral Massie arms crossed over her chest as he leaned in to speak with her.

“That didn’t exactly go as planned.” he muttered softly.

“It will if your men are ready.” She snapped back her palms cold and sweaty.”

Admiral Massie nodded, “Of course, they should come out when they reach the densest part of the debris field, that way we can make it look like some unexpected collision.” He glanced towards the lectern, “So I would keep ahold of that red folder of yours.”

On the other set of chairs, Admiral Kelly was giving them a sidelong glance. Everyone knew that she was in Admiral Vir’s camp licking his boots at every opportunity. It would be within their best interest to keep silent when she was around.

The UN president leaned back in her seat, “You should be on your way, Admiral. We will have time to talk later.” 

He stood and nodded slowly, “Of course madame president.” he turned to walk away catching the eye of Admiral Kelly as he stepped past. The two of them didn’t much like each other, though as the head of the OGI (Office of Galactic intelligence) Admiral Massie had enough pull to keep Kelly in her place.

The UN president turned her head away. Not wanting to draw attention to herself.”

***

Admiral Kelly glanced over at the UN president as Admiral Massie passed by. There was something about those two spending time together that she didn’t like. Granted it was more than likely the two of them were having some sweaty, wrinkly liaisons out of hours which she didn’t really want to think about, but if that was the case then he could easily be pressing his planetary isolationist views off on her.

Kelly did not think highly of the UN presidency. Right now it seemed mostly concerned with power and political favores with the people rather than doing the right thing. Plus she found the president herself to be superficially charming but easily manipulated by the wrong people. Fear mongering worked the best on her, which is why she worried about Massie and his affect on her to begin with.

She found herself digging her nails into her palms as she thought about it.

‘Please help us.’

Admiral kelly shot up in her seat looking around as she tried to find the source of the noise, or the voice. She turned in her seat expecting to find someone whispering in her ear, but there was nothing. She pressed at the implant along the side of her neck wondering if someone had called her and she just hadn’t noticed?

‘Look up.’ 

jolted again, lifting her eyes towards the sky and the burning sun. She threw up a hand to block her vision, and as she did, she thought she saw a shape floating there against the backdrop of the sun. She squinted hard trying to make it out but was having trouble.

‘Now look into the crowd.’

She turned her head down, still not sure where the sound could be coming from, but as she looked into the crowd, she saw a strange sight. One of the people was wearing a dark hoodie, and was turned away from the direction which the rest of the crowd was facing. Their hood was pulled low, but ever so subtly, they lifted their head to reveal a porcelain white face, with large dark eyes.

Admiral Kelly went very still as she stared at the starborn.

‘Not a starborn, A halfbreed, my name is Eris, Admiral Vir’s…… daughter/’

Oh…. oh, yes she had heard about the starborn hybrid from one of hsi reports. 

“What do you want.” She mouthed quietly.

‘We need your help, the UN president is planning to have Admiral Vir Killed, and Admiral Massie is on his way to make the order, please, you have to do something.”

Admiral Kelly jolted to her feet very quickly glancing at the Un president in shock and horror before she was able to capture her emotions. The UN president looked up to her sudden movement, and Admiral kelly had to fight to keep her face neutral as the woman looked up at her

“Are you feeling well Admiral.”

She could feel the sweat dripping down her face and the nape of her neck, but she remained as calm as possible as she took a deep breath, “I…. Am suddenly very dizzy. I think it’s the heat.”

“You should sit down, have someone bring you some water.” The woman said, her voice calm and clear as if she hadn’t just ordered the murder of Adam Vir.

“No I….. I think I need to walk for a minute and find some shade. You will excuse me?” 

The UN president shrugged and turned back to staring at the sky giving Admiral Kelly time to step forward and hurry after General Massi’s retreating figure.

***

General massie stepped into mission control and walked down the blank empty corridors. No one was here, they were all either in the control room or out celebrating the successful launch. It had been a sight to see, two thousand year old technology working for one more time, but personally General Massie saw it as completely obsolete and a useless waste of government capital.

That was something they could have been using to help fortify earth’s defense nexus. Out of all the useless things Admiral Vir had supported, at least he had agreed that they needed SOME form of defence against extraterrestrial attack. General Massie made a face, though he wouldn’t doubt Admiral Vir would have been totally fine leaving their planet with its pants down in order to let those xenos fuck them over.

Everyone in their dog knew that Admiral Vir preferred alien cock over his own kind.

The thought made Admiral massie cringe. It was a well kept secret among the UNSC, but the man wasn’t nearly as secretive as he liked to think he was. Rumors of his infatuation with the stupid blue beetle alien had reached command almost as soon as it began. The only reason they didn’t allow it to leak was that it would make the UNSC look bad to the rest of earth. 

And Jupiter how he hated that man.

Stupid, juvinile egotistical xeno fucker.

Today was the day all of that came to an end.

He cut right just before the doors to mission control and walked down two more hallways, finally opening a small side door into, what might have looked from the outside, like an equipment closet. He stepped over a mop and bucket and sat down at an old console, which he fired up with the flick of a button.

“Flight 1 this is Earth 1 over.”

“Roger earth one this if slight one, in position over.”

He turned on the screen giving himself time to look  the radar over as twenty dots appeared on screen.” Those were twenty Thunderhawks they had slowly appropriated over the intervening year. WIth a place as big as the universe to cover, it was pretty easy to lose a few jets in the shuffle. He could see them now illuminated as little green dots on his screen, hiding in the debris.

“fFlight one this is Earth one, Operation After Apollo is go. Now remember boys and girls, make it look like an accident.”

“Roger that Earth one.” 

“You TRAITOR!”

***

Admiral Massie spun in his seat eyes wide and wild as Admiral Kelly stood in the doorway. She could feel her skin growing hot with absolute rage as she stalked forward over the open floor. In one hand she held up the small recording device Conn had handed to her outside the building, and on it held proof of this man’s order. On the screen behind him  twenty little dots burst to life.

She was too late.

The man slowly got to his feet as Kelly Aimed her handgun at him her grip steady her aim true. 

“Call off your dogs.” She snarled 

Admiral Massie slowly lifted his hands before slowly leaning forward in his seat towards the intercom button. She stepped forward watching him intently as he leaned over the console pressing down on the button.

“Flight one this is earth one…” her eyes flickered up to the screen waiting to see them pause.

But before she knew what was happening an elbow came up striking her on the hand and causing the gun to spin out of her grip. Admiral Massie turned and tackled her to the floor, his nearly 300 lb body crushing her to the floor.

The wind was knocked out of her and she gasped as he struggled to pin her to the ground.

Her hat had flown off and her bun became undone as he drew back a fist to punch her. She was able to block it with her forearms as he raged and went for her face. The blows rained down on her from above with an onslaught of power she wasn’t expecting but should have.

She took another gasping breath, and then with a surge of adrenaline she bucked throwing him forward where she grabbed one of his arms and bucked again forcing him to his side and onto his back. Still gripping his ar, she threw herself sideways, throwing her legs over his chest and struggling with his arm to pull it flat.

He kicked and grabbed at her legs with his other hand painfully gripping her calves as his nails dug into her skin and drew blood. The pain was incredible, but she finally got his arm down tucked tight to her chest, her legs across his chest, and then she jerked her hips sharply upward.

Admiral Massie screamed as his elbow snapped backwards.

She let go of him and scrambled towards the console, but at the last moment he grabbed her by the foot and hauled her back to the ground, one arm hanging limp and useless at his side. He clawed at her with one hand, and she rolled onto her back, kicking up at his face with her boot catching him square in the chin.

He staggered back as she crawled to the console and reached to adjust the frequency ready to call in lunar support.

There was a sharp click behind her, and she froze, turning her her seat to find Admiral Massie standing behind her gun held in his good hand.

Blood leaked from his nose and down onto the front of his uniform, staining the grey fabric red, “Nice try, Kelly.”

***

Donovan Red waited spinning slowly as he watched the progress of the distant rocket. Inside his helmet his breathing was cold and calm as, ranging all around him, his other men and women waited as well. Their ships had been outfitted with proper weapons as they had ridden here in the cargo hold of the omen. The group of them weren’t soldiers or trained fighter pilots, so he didn’t imagine this would be easy, but it was going to have to be good. 

“Red, this is Apollo 11 do you copy.”

“Yeah Cinderella, I copy.”

“See anything?”

“Nope not a….” he paused, “Wait.” there was something, something he thought he saw detach itself from another piece of space junk, “Hold that thought Apollo.” he detached from his own bit of space junk and inched forward.

A thunderhawk? What would one of those be doing here.

It began to accelerate. 

He accelerated after it 

Up ahead the rocket was growing larger and larger in his view.

Thunderhawk has made lock. The cool female voice said from his console.

“Oh shit, Admiral r-’ He didn’t have time to finish his sentence as a small ball-like-silver ship came pelting down from nowhere blasting the thunderhawk in the wing with a sharp burst of laser fire. It’s wing exploded and it went careening in the opposite direction as the silver ball whizzed past.

“What the fuck!.” he turned to fly after it, but was stopped.

“Red, stand down that's a Rundi UAV.”

“Rundi, I thought it was the rundi we were worried about,” He called in confusion.

“Yeah, but that thunderhawk had locked on us. It looks like they’re helping.”

He grunted and cursed under his breath, switching the coms, “Boys and girls if you see a silver ball stand down, those are on our side.” Just then another thunderhawk shot over his head. He cursed again and pulled himself into a sharp upward turn cutting after the thunderhawk and locking on. His lock cut off their attempts to shoot down the rocket, and they were forced to dive under as he followed after. He followed, spinning right and left around debris as the thunderhawk attempted to escape.

It cut upward, justin time for a bright pink jet with graffiti words on the side to shoot out of nowhere.

The thunderhawk exploded in a cloud of debris as Wendy roared by.

“Good shot, girl.:

 He said over his radio.

“Thanks boss.”

***

Admiral Vir floated before the console knuckles white and unable to do anything. A silent explosion flashed in his vision to the right as quickly as it had begun. Richards and Chavez started with wide eyes and dropped mouths.

“Admiral what the hell is going on.”

Adam took a deep breath, “it seems as if we are under attack.”

The two of them exchanged glances, “From who! What the fuck!”

Adam turned where he stood to look at the two of them, “I am sorry I got you two into this mess, but the isolationists have been gunning for me for a few months now, and it seems as if now things have come to a head

“What are we going to do!”

“Radio Houston.”

Chavez hurried to do as ordered, but when she did they heard only static, “Shit…. Something is jamming our coms.”

Adam took a deep breath, “Well I guess all we have is Donovan and the Rundi to protect us. Lets’ hope they do it right.”

***

Admiral massie laughed, “You’re as dumb as you look Kelly.”

She stood slowly wiping blood from her cheek as she turned to look down the barrel of the gun. Her own gun.

She didn’t generally tend to agree with massie, but this time he did have a point. Surprisingly though she was very calm, “You aren’t going to get away with this.” She glanced over to where the little silver recording device lay in the shadows under one of the chairs 

Massie was too amped to notice.

“Doesn’t matter. I will have done my duty to my planet and my people, saving them from alien lovers like you and that bastard Vir.”

“Whose Idea was this, the President or yours.” She held her hands out to the side.

“Do you think that dipshit was smart enough to come up with a plan like mine.”

Kelly raised an eyebrow, “Is it wise to incriminate your friends alone with you.”

“That bitch, I could care less. And if i am going down she is going down with me. The president make think it was all her idea, but it was mine all along, she was following my orders whether she believes it or not, and once Adam Vir and YOU are dead than it doesn’t matter what we did because diplomation relations will dissolve and it will be all over.”

He lifted the gun to her face, “Goodby kelly.”

She remained very still as the shadow fell over him from behind, “May I say one last thing.”

He paused.

“Turn around.”

“Very funny, he lifted the gun again and pulled the trigger.

There was a sharp crack and thud as metal hit metal. Kelly flinched and held up her hands, but opened her eye after a moment as no pain came. Admiral Massie lay on the floor face down. Kelly reached down quickly to grab her gun looking up to where Sunny was standing in the doorway holding her pearlescent white spear. Behind her floated the starborn Conn and the hybrid.

She took a deep breath, “Great timing you three.

Sunny nodded, “Anytime.”

Admiral kelly turned and lunged for the comms, switching the frequency to the lunar station only to find she couldn’t get through, “Damn it.” She cursed turning to look at Sunny and the others, “I was too late, the ships have already been deployed.”

She paused and looked down, grabbing the recording device from off the floor tossing it to the hybrid who caught it with some difficulty, “Run that to one of the media outlets, convince them it is important and leak it as soon as you can. We don’t want her to have time to cover her own ass.”

Eris nodded and shot off in the other direction

Sunny knelt down to help her restrain Admiral massie.

Just then the sound of feet came thundering up the hall and they looked up to see the Chairwoman of the GA and her assistants skid around a corner. Sunny’s eyes narrowed as she crouched low leveling her spear.

“Did you catch him?” The Chairwoman asked 

“No thanks to you.” Sunny snarled 

The chairwoman waved her off, “I lost contact with my drones, but they should be out helping to protect Admiral Vir. I am sorry I couldn’t do more, but it was all I could do not to show my hand too early.”

Admiral kelly stood slowly, “You knew about this.”

The charwoman shook her head, “not this specifically, but I have been trying to find the source of the assasination attempts on Admiral Vir’s life. I’ve had discreet escorts on him for the past few months while I tried getting in contact with my people in the criminal underworld. She sighed and I called the hit on him with those pirates knowing who Captain kell was hoping that he could get more information out of the pirates that I could.”

Sunny stared at her rage flickering across her face, “You called a hit on him!”

The charwoman did not seem perturbed, “Those pirates couldn’t have…. How do the humans say…. Hit their way out of a paper bag. I have been attempting to come in contact with the leather of the anti alliance for the past few months. I have been trying to convince them I am on their side, and that was part of my ruse, as well as knowing Admiral Vir was captain Kell. During my investigation it became clear that someone within the UN was involved though I couldn’t have said who.”

“And why should we believe you aren't just covering your own ass.”

The chairwoman hissed, “do you really think I want to make an enemy out of the strongest species in the galaxy. Not on your life. I am not stupid. Besides, I owe Admiral Vir my life . I admit I have done some irreparable things in order to keep the alliance going, but those moves were calculated, and Vir was always protected.

***

One of the silver UAV’s exploded and Red had to dodge to the side to avoid the flying debris. He cut right and then left keeping as fast as he could possibly go as he cut up through the chunks of metal and locked onto the back of a thunderhawk. There was a sharp click and then a silent explosion which he rolled out of the way to avoid. He had sent one of his men off to make contact with lunar forces for backup.

They were good, but these men and women were made for combat, and despite their best work only four out of twenty of them had been destroyed, and their numbers were dwindling fast. He cut right before one of the thunderhawks forcing it to turn away from the rocket  and cut down in another direction. He could only imagine the fear of those inside the rocket as they watched helplessly at the fight raging on around them.

He spun down and under cutting off another Thunderhawk coming in the opposite direction. 

There was no way there were going to keep up with this for long.

[creativeashproductions]

What If...? III // Alive!Luke Patterson

Summary: The aftermath of both the car accident and the proposal is something Luke struggles with dividing you two for the first time. With an ultimatum in place Luke finds himself standing in front of his childhood home but can he open the door he had locked and shut?

Warning: Swearing, talk of injuries, self-guilt, angst, Unsaid Emily (I’m a terrible person), and fluff (I SWEAR THERE IS FLUFF IN THIS)

Words: 4.0k

Requested: By @beautifulblogsblog . There will be two more parts at least.

A/N: Grammarly estimates that this will take a little over 15 minutes to read. I also almost made you not get an answer to a make or break question somewhere in here but I wanted to make up for the cliffhanger in part one.

*Bobby’s last name in this is Willis, it will come clear why soon.

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX/ASK PLEASE!

Masterlist (other parts for What If can be found in the masterlist)

(This goddamn shirt is also a warning holy christ)

Hollywood 1996

Life after the car accident was strange, to say the least. You lived with the guilt that your father couldn’t pick up a guitar. He had severely broken his arm in the crash in the instinctive moment to protect you. Your mother hovered, and Luke was there, but something changed since his hospital proposal.

There was a weird tension between you and him that concerned Alex because Luke wouldn’t talk about it. He would change the subject whenever Alex inquired about that empty ring box he found. Luke hadn’t told the guys he planned to propose and being rejected wasn’t something he wanted to share. However, one night he finally did.

“You could propose at the Eiffel Tower!” Reggie suggested having seen a commercial with the tower in the background. His excitement was visible to the band members in the living room.

 “Too cheesy.” Luke grumbled, rolling his eyes slouching down on the couch, “I’m not proposing.”

“I understand it’s a big step b-“

“I’m not proposing because I already did.” Luke snapped running hand through his messy hair with a glower. Alex was quiet, taking in the news and watching Luke’s body language.

“Oh congrat-“

“Read the damn room.” Luke snapped, slamming his pen on the coffee table as he stalked up the stairs to his bedroom. The resounding slam of his door marking his anger more prominent. Alex flinched at the sound.

“Was it something-“

“Seriously man?” Alex groaned, shaking his head at the bassist standing up from the armchair leaving the bassist the lone sitter, “You are so lucky you can play bass.”

Alex left Reggie downstairs to enter Luke’s room where he was throwing darts at the board harshly. Luke didn’t need to turn around to know Alex was in his personal place with one goal in mind, to cheer his bandmate up.

“What happened?” Alex asked, sitting in the second-hand office chair with a hole in the seat. His blue eyes watching the jerky movements from the obviously frustrated guitarist.

“She said no.” Luke whispered, rubbing a hand over his weary hazel eyes, more of a blue with the sadness he felt, “I proposed, and she said no.”

“I’m sorry. Did Y/N say why?” Alex hesitated to ask the question fearing Luke would fully snap as he had down a few times in the past. The one time was when he found Alex crying as an asshole overheard Alex admit to his crush on Jonathan Taylor Thomas after seeing him on Home Improvement. Courtesy of Luke, that asshole never breathed a word about it.

“An ultimatum. She won’t say yes until I fix things with my parents.” Luke sighed collapsing onto his bed, staring at the blue ceiling. Going back home after hurting his mom was something hard to do.

The night he left had been filled with a lot of words he regretted saying, he can’t even remember the last time he told his mom he loved her. The last time dinner hadn’t been tense and filled with anger. There was a pang of deep guilt for running out on his family, his mother and seeing the missing person posters further hammered the guilt in.

“She has a point.” Alex admitted, “We made it. We proved to our parents that this band was worth it. Take it from me. I would give anything for my parents to be the way they were before I told them I’m gay.”

Luke was quiet.

“You have a chance to fix things and Luke, that’s something you’ll regret. Remember the night of The Orpheum? We were gonna get street dogs? If we had, we would have died man.”

“I guess we got lucky?” Luke half-smiled remembering when they had been walking near the Orpheum a few days after performing.

The guy that sold the street dogs was arrested, and an ambulance was taking a couple to the hospital. The couple died, and it made the guys think how close they could have come to dying all the times they ate out of the Oldsmobile.

“We did. She loves you, Luke, but if you love her. You’ll reach out to your parents. I know they would love it.” Alex spoke, squeezing his best friends’ shoulder before he let himself out of the bedroom.

Alex joined Reggie in the living room watching a VHS they had rented from Blockbuster this morning. A smile appearing on Alex’s face as the muted familiar sound of a guitar came from upstairs. The sad melody Luke had taught his band playing.

“So, what year do you think we should release a country album? I can play the banjo.” Reggie asked, looking over at Alex with a thoughtful expression, “I’ve been writing this wicked song. I’m thinking of calling it ‘Home is Where My Horse Is’? How long would it take you to learn how to fiddle?”

“Reggie. I love you man, but I am not gonna be barefoot in overalls fiddling.” Alex spoke, shaking his head at his bandmate who pouted softly.

Alex and Reggie fell asleep on the couch that night while Luke worked tirelessly through the night on Unsaid Emily. It was by far the most personal song he had ever written, but it was the only way he could release the feelings he had. By the time morning came, his eyes had turned bloodshot and swollen.

Luke’s hands trembled at the sight of the childhood home he hadn’t been inside in months, not since that cold December night he left. The car was parked in the very same spot with the front bumper still dinged from when Luke was practising for his license.

Luke had developed a streak to avoid the bitter taste of disappointment from his parents. He would sneak out to gigs or little known locations with Alex; either for the band and his secret relationship. Luke never breathed a word of the relationship for the safety of Alex and avoid anything that would spike his boyfriend’s anxiety. The guilt died down when he and Alex mutually decided to be friends instead, but the band topic was different. At fourteen it was becoming apparent to Luke’s parents that this band wasn’t a hobby to him anymore, the first time his parents regretted buying the guitar.

“C’mon!” Bobby hissed from the safety of the curb. Luke was behind the wheel of his family’s station wagon in the dead of night. Reggie stationed in front of the car and Alex behind it, “This is stupid guys!”

Luke shakily took a breath in putting the car in drive to align with Reggie before he placed the vehicle in reverse. Learning to parallel park seemed to be going well as Luke did okay pulling into the parking spot. He got ahead of himself; however, when he moved to drive forward to center between Reggie and Alex. He may have hit the gas too hard.

“Ah!” Reggie screamed as the car bumped in him in the leg. The boy went down shuddering while his three friends hurried to his side.

“Are you okay?” Luke asked not minding the sting of the asphalt on his covered knees seeing as he just hit his best friend.

“I’m good.” Reggie raised one thumb in the air. Each boy leaned back in relief confirming the bassist was as good as Reginald could be.

 “Why the hell didn’t you move out of the way?” Luke demanded helping the boy up from the ground with a deep frown.

 “I was a traffic cone. Cones can’t move unless they get moved.” Reggie proudly announced with his typical oblivious attitude. Reggie wasn’t stupid, he was definitely the comedic relief in the band and prided himself on it.

“I-what. Okay..” Alex whispered to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Sometimes I don’t know Reg.”

Reggie shrugged it off while a familiar girl jogged down the road with a furrowed brow, a girl that had lived in Luke’s neighbourhood for a while. She was moving to a bigger house soon, but she was an acquaintance that had never acknowledged the group.

“Are you okay?” The girl, you, questioned the bassist scanning him over as Luke stared dreamily at her. His ever-changing eye colour turning a soft mossy green at the girl that had held his heart for years; only temporarily vacating it for Alex.

“Oh, totally. This doesn’t hurt as much as the amp.” Reggie supplied waving it off whereas you were more worried the guy hit his head. Your gaze scanned the boys of Riot Curve. A deep developing on the pale cheeks of the Patterson boy.

“Aren’t you guys in my grade?” You questioned pursing your lips together, “You’d be like thirteen. Why are you driving? Aren’t you a little short to see over the steering wheel?”

A bark of laughter fell from Bobby Willis’ mouth, earning him a glance from you, closing his mouth as Luke’s look of disgust.

“I’m not short!” Luke shouted, “I’ll have you know I grew!”

You snickered at his offended expression, “Dude, I’m joking. You’ll get a growth spurt soon. Besides, I think you have bigger issues than your vertical challenge.”

A question fell from Luke’s lips before he followed your view. The bumper of his parent’s car had a small dent that his father would most definitely discover at some point.

“Oh, I am dead meat.” Luke sprouted just before the guys started brainstorming explanations that didn’t include four fourteen-year-old boys out after curfew driving.

“Hey, I have a little experience with bands and whatnot. Just a suggestion, maybe consider changing your band name from Riot Curve to something else.” You suggested starting to jog back to your house, “See you in class!”

Luke once again stared dreamily after your form forgetting what he should be worried about.

“Our name is already-“

“Sunset Curve.” Luke shouted, earning weird looks from his bandmates at the rather uncharacteristic change of mind, “We are renaming the band.”

“Why?” Bobby scoffed, “We agreed on Riot Curve!”

“Uh, no. You two did. Reggie and I weren’t there.” Alex raised one his eyebrows facing Bobby, “I was sick with the flu, and Reggie was at his aunt’s second wedding.”

“Why the name?” Reggie asked his pining lead singer flicking his gaze between Luke and the empty place where you had been.

“Because that was the first time, she talked to me. A sunset behind her brightening the pretty curve of her smile.” Luke sighed scrambling when the front step light at his house turned on. Each boy running for the safety from the Patterson windows.

“I like the name! I didn’t like the violence in the other name!” Alex shouted, rushing towards his bicycle to head back home. 

That was also the last time Luke saw you until 1993 at that concert as you moved to the medium-sized mansion by then.

Luke grinned at the memory of how he actually spoke to the girl of his dreams before everything went full to shit. Reggie’s parents started fighting, Bobby grew more into girls than music, Alex told his parents he was gay. Luke finally sat down with his parents telling him that he wouldn’t go to college and didn’t want to finish high school. He did finish high school to appease his parents even after running away.

“Luke?” The breathless question brought the guitarist back to the present time and to the blue eyes of his father. The shock on the man’s face preceding the tears building up, “Son.”

“Hon?” Luke’s knees collapsed as he heard the soft voice that had read him stories and sung lullabies when he was a child. Emily gasped as she saw the one person she had wished to find for so long, “Luke.”

“Mom.” Luke choked, raising his hands to press them to his face, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t-“

“Sh. Baby.” Emily wasted no time in scooping her son into her arms, so thankful nothing terrible had happened to him. She didn’t care where or what he had been doing as long as he in her arms again.

A hand clapped his shoulder to squeeze, announcing his father silently thanking whatever God there was for bringing his son home. That they didn’t have to worry blue and red lights would precede news no parent wanted to hear.

“Can I come in?” Luke asked tentatively. A soft hand brushing his hair away from his eyes for his parents to finally see the unique eye colour their son had inherited.

Emily ushered her son into the kitchen that hadn’t changed in the time Luke had been gone, the only difference being the Christmas decorations put away. They would reappear the last week of November; Emily wouldn’t have to struggle to put the ornaments on the tree without her son.

“I don’t know how to say what I want. Could I…could I sing please?” Luke murmured to his parents. It was a question he wasn’t sure he wanted to be answered. He hadn’t brought his guitar just in case it was the wrong move. His parents regretted buying him that guitar.

“Of course.” Mitch spoke, climbing to his height, “Just one moment.”

Luke watched his father leave the kitchen only to shortly return, holding a beautiful acoustic guitar. He had never seen it in his life either. He was confused when Mitch set the guitar into Luke’s lap.

“You’re like your mom. When she worries the only thing that can help calm her is knitting. I figured the guitar is your way of knitting.” Mitch calmly told his son choosing to not bright attention to tears in either of the Patterson men’s eyes.

Luke settled on the couch in the living room while Mitch and Emily took to their respective long known spots. Ones that faced the windows perfect for knitting and reading with natural light. Emily reached over to hold her husband’s hand while Luke started strumming.

First things first

We start the scene in reverse.

 All of the lines rehearsed.

 Disappeared from my mind

When things got loud

 One of us running out

 I should have turned around.

 But I had too much pride.

No time for goodbyes

 Didn’t get to apologize

 Pieces of a clock that lies broken

Not a dry eye in the Patterson home as Luke gave the best performance of his life. Performance didn’t build a bridge between him and his parents, why make a new bridge when the first one only needs repairs.

“Please record that.” Emily choked wiping her face of tears, “I want that on your first album, I loved it. I’m going to buy the first CD it’s on.”

Luke Patterson smiled a piece instead of healing at her words and the acceptance he had craved. Now he just had to propose again.

The cosy soft knit blanket Emily gave you at Christmas the first time you met Luke’s parents when it became clear that the relationship was serious. It was one that you cuddled into for a sense of comfort, eyes focused on the demo the song was waiting. Fingers itching to put in the CD player and listen to the finished product.

“Hey. Sweetheart you gotta stop blaming yourself.” Lance spoke coming to sit beside you on the piano bench. The bench you had learnt how to play directly across from the couch that you spent hours with him on learning the guitar.

“How can I? I asked for a ride, and you might never play again.” You scoffed, bringing your knees to your chest. Lance’s heart broke, hearing the guilt leaking from your words and the slump on your shoulders.

“I picked you up because I love you. You’re my daughter, my baby and I’m gonna tell you something that hope knocks some sense in that head.” Your Dad sternly spoke, taking your hand to place on his cast, “This? This doesn’t matter. If I hadn’t done this, you would be dead, and I wouldn’t be able to hold a guitar because you wouldn’t get to hear me play. I’d rather not be able to play and have my daughter alive.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks as your hero wiped your tears tugging you in his arms, “Besides I’m a Y/L/N, we don’t let other people tell us how to live.”

Lance leaned over to insert the CD into the machine before pressing play bringing a soft melody in the room. You snuggled into his side as his rich voice broke through into the most beautiful song you had ever heard. Unbeknownst to you, Luke stood in the doorway with his bandmates listening to the gorgeous record.

“I love it.” You whispered glancing over your shoulder, feeling the gaze of someone, and while you expected your mother, the sight was welcome. Not a dry eye in the room as the last chord rang with the joyful voice of a little girl; your voice from a family video.

“That’s beautiful.” Luke breathed grinning when you swiftly made your way into his open arms, “I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you like I should have been. I was hurt, and I didn’t want you to see that.”

“Was that the song that was playing- OW!” Reggie exclaimed rubbing the back of his head that Bobby had thumped. The bassist grimacing at the pain clueing that it wasn’t the greatest question he had said.

“Bittersweet was the song playing. This is the finished product.” Lance confirmed standing to his full height, “How about I let you see some unreleased songs?”

Lance ushered everyone but you and Luke from the room for privacy only winking before closing the door. Luke breathed out, leading you back to the couch with his hands squeezing your own.

“You were right,” Luke announced brushing the pad of his thumb under your eye to swipe an eyelash. His hazel eyes showing more of the green with the adoration gleaming from them, “It hurt being rejected but you were right about it. I hurt my parents by running out one them, especially my mom. I don’t want to hurt her more by excluding her from the biggest moment of my life.”

Your own hand raised to cup his cheek heart bursting when Luke turned his head to press a chaste kiss to the palm.

“You couldn’t guess how much it ached telling you no. I wanted to so badly, but your mom was always so good to me. I didn’t want her to miss out on anything.”

“She won’t miss out.” Luke replied, tugging you to your feet, “I went home, and we talked it through.”

Your feet cemented to the floor, “You went to see them?”

“I did. I was no sure Mom and Dad hated me for running away, for choosing music over them.”

“You didn’t choose music over them, Lu. You made a decision that they didn’t like, but you did what you were raised to do. They taught you to stand up for yourself, never second guess or quit.” You passionately told him, “They love you with their whole heart, they just didn’t understand how important music is to you at the time.”

“God, I love you so much. I would do anything for you.” Luke tugged you into his arms, bringing your attention to his different outfit choice.

He was wearing his best black jeans with no holes but still the chains, but his wallet wasn’t on display. His lucky blue rabbit’s foot was clipped to his necklace laying over the long sleeve purple corduroy shirt. The shirt he wore a lot when he wanted to be wanted to a little more dressed up.

“You’re wearing that shirt.” You stated glancing up to the boy, “And your lucky rabbit’s foot is not on your chains.”

Luke smirked, leading you through the house to the backyard where Luke had asked Nancy to be. Your mother sat at the piano with your father beside her, Nancy and Lance Y/L/N hadn’t sat at a piano together since you were tiny. Tears built up as Luke gently brought you into his arms entirely in time with the notes that Nancy began.

Heart beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave

 “Are you trying to make me cry?” You choked as he used the dance lessons he took with his mom twirling you around. As if you couldn’t cry more your gaze found Reggie strumming the acoustic guitar. Alex waiting at his drums with a grin at Luke and you.

I have died every day, waiting for you.

Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years.

I’ll love you for a thousand more.

Everything faded as you two gazed into each other’s eyes, in his you swore you saw every moment with Luke play. The sweaty palms shy to hold each other to the first kiss, the second kiss, sharing the most vulnerable time at sixteen, his serenading at seventeen after signing with a label and everything between those precious moments.

Time stands still

Beauty in all she is

I will be brave

I will not let anything, take away.

What’s standing in front of me

Every breath, every hour has come to this.

Bobby made his presence known harmonizing with you mom so low you barely heard, but it was Luke singing that enthralled you. Everything about this moment you would remember for the rest of your life.

The music faded as Luke took a step back to kneel down in front of you with the ring he had yearned to give you. The ring his mother had held on to for the girl Luke would fall in love with. She had given it a few days previous so thoroughly happy she got the opportunity to pass it down.

“Luke.” You breathed cupping your hands, one still in a brace, over your shocked face. His expression softened into the most loving one you had ever receiving in the years you had been together.

“My life has been leading me to this very moment. I believe that I was guided into music because of this absolutely perfect moment. Surrounded by the people who cheered us on and gave wisdom. The people that gave us a look at what true love is supposed to be.” Luke began keeping his entire focus on the love his life, “I knew about you before you knew me. I was ten when I saw you during recess sitting up against the tree with your walkman. I fell for you at that moment, but it wasn’t until I hit Reggie with the car that I got to talk to you.”

You giggled as you remembered running to a group of guys after seeing one get hit. If only you knew who they were at that time.

“Our first real conversation was at a concert, and I fell in love at that moment, and I am so thankful you gave me a chance. There isn’t anyone else, sorry, Alex!” Luke teased over his shoulder, earning a chuckle in response, “There isn’t anyone I want to spend my life with. You are my muse, the person I share every lyric with, my love and my soulmate.”

“Luke.” You choked reaching up to cup his cheeks so close not a single sheet of paper would move between you.

“Will you marry me? In front of our parents and our friends?” Luke shakily questioned begging for his rabbit’s foot to work with it being close to his heart.

“Yes.” You answered, reaching up to pull his face down to yours. The most passionate kiss of your life he wrapped his arms around you waist lifting you in his arms; he twirled around with you.

This was his most significant moment ever. The Orpheum could never live up to this.

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[evarcana]

Get Your Act Together

Ev changes her plans for the evening and goes to the theatre.

words: ~3,2k

warnings: mentions strangling but it is not what you think it is.

notes: I don’t want to commit to calling it Chapter II but this fic takes place not long after these events, and really is just silly.

“No, seriously, at first I thought it was just people talking but the idiot really never parts with his wine glass,” says Ev and reclines in the chair, exhausted by her own dramatic tone. She throws her head backwards, the dark hair, colour of burned bronze, falling down in soft glistering waves followed by the drapes of her silk jacket, and drags both hands across the face with a sigh, trying to wipe away the apparent annoyance, but the creases between her brows are too stubborn and she decides to hide it instead, burying her face under the shadows of her palms. “Ignorant alcoholic,” she hisses through her fingers.

Ev is sitting in the sun outside of the wine merchant at the narrow cobbled street conveniently tucked away between the hustle and bustle of the Main Square and the glamour of the Heart District. Back in the Prakran capital the street so central would be full of people running errands and the neighbours talking in front of the doors despite the afternoon heat and humidity but here the only signs of life at four o'clock are languid piano exercises played somewhere behind the closed shatters and the faint but energetic drumbeat of the carriage passing in the distance.

“So what happened?” A young woman with eyes which are lighter than the sky sets a jug of rosemary lemonade and a glass on Ev’s table and looks down at her, pressing the tray against the black apron decorated with the embroidered grapevines.

Ev lifts her hands an inch and peeks at the woman from the shadows, her eyes narrowed and gleaming with anger. “He kicked me out,” she states flatly.

“Why?”, the woman in black apron asks somewhat wearly and turns to the shop’s entrance where a small jar of paint and a brush are waiting on the tea towel covering the stone step below the door. The paint on the brush is the same deep burgundy as the woman’s shirt.

Ev considers meeting Anais to be her only luck in Vesuvia. Not only does she run the excellent wine shop which also functions as a small bar but she is living in the flat above it and seems to be permanently bored and ready to entertain Ev with some gossip and tips about the city, which makes her a perfect neighbour for somebody who has just moved to the new place completely alone.

Ev’s nose wrinkles at the sharp smell of paint as she watches Anais dipping her brush in the jar. “I made one of those little dolls which they use for cursing people up North and brought it to the palace,” she says. It had a little braid made from silk and wool threads and Ev painted its face with the thinnest makeup brush she could find in her vanity table. Ev smiles to herself thinking that it was the most crafty thing she has done since she was thirteen but notices Anais staring at her with the expression of the person questioning somebody’s sanity, and quickly raises her hands defensively, palms up. “Listen, I am not proud of that.”

Anais rolls her eyes good-humouredly and for a few minutes they both watch the brush moving rhythmically tracing precise lines on the wooden door frame in silence, before Anais turns to Ev again. “Didn’t it happen on Tuesday too?”

“Kicking out?”, Ev responds without lifting her eyes from the jug of lemonade, “it did”. She is busy poking slices of orange with a rosemary stem.

Anais watches Ev’s face, clearly expecting her to continue. But she does not. The silence between them is interrupted only by clicking of the ice cubes against the glass. Anais tilts her head to the side and says in a careful tone, “But you seem to be more angry today.”

Ev stabs the slice of blood orange she fished out to the liquid’s surface and it splatters the sour juice and bitter oils which make her eyes stink. She blinks a few times and gives the orrange a disapproving frown. “He called the guards,” she says. Her juvenile prank got out of hand. She definitely is not proud.

“What?” Anais’s voice raises in surprise and her paintbrush makes an uneven stroke which she rushes to cover.

“Yeah, I know.”

“But I don’t understand. Aren’t you a diplomat? They can’t really - “, she pauses thinking of the right word, “- stop you, can they?”

“No, but I can’t necessarily stop him neither”

Anais goes quiet, weighing Ev’s words in her head, while she paints. “So why do you keep on... talking to him?”, she asks finally and waves her brush in the air, “you don’t have to.”

Ev gives her a pointed look and then drops her eyes down, frowning once again. That is a very good question. Why does she keep on talking to him?

For the last few weeks Ev has stuck to the same routine: she comes to the palace daily, enquires a servant politely about the consul’s schedule for the day, finds Valerius, tosses a pile of paper in front of him, takes a seat opposite him and proceeds to picturing herself strangling him. Bare hands. The skin on his neck gets hot and damp with sweat underneath her fingers, his body is struggling against hers while she presses her knee against his chest holding him in place. She squeezes, and squeezes. Sometimes however she would get lost in her own imagination and her hands would slide up, fingers getting buried in the hair, her thumbs tracing delicate lines behind his earlobes. She doesn't know what happens after that, because she guillotines the thought. Those are moments of weakness and are luckily rare. It would be easier if he was ugly, and stupid. But he is pretty much the opposite. Yet another proof that she had no good luck in Vesuvia. After the weakness comes the inevitable irritation, which Valerius seems to sense like a sniffer dog, and before she knows they are engaged in one of their already signature yelling competitions which the servants undoubtedly gossip about in the corridors and kitchens. Ev would be surprised if the whole Vesuvia is not calling her a madwoman by now. Her only hope being that they think even worse things of their consul.

Hating someone is exhausting. Every interaction makes Ev’s blood boil, and her heart beat heavy and bright. Her mind does strange things and she honestly does not remember the last time she thought about something other than making Valerius do what she wants for longer than an hour. She wastes precious minutes of her life on someone who genuinely despises her.

She wishes he did not despise her though. She wishes that there was more to him than being prickish, judgemental asshole, then perhaps this whole thing could be just about bearable. That is why she keeps on talking to him. But Ev cannot tell Anais that because it is the same as admitting that she has lost and that he has won, so she huffs irritably and says “Because it is my job, why else” instead.

“Good to know that you are both as stubborn as mules.” Anais grew up at her parents’ vineyard in the rural part of Venterre and except the times when she talks about wine all her comparisons are based on farm animals and other attributes of country life.

Ev folds her arms. “I don’t think you know me well enough to say that.” Despite whatever is happening in her imagination in the moments of weakness, the idea of having something in common with Valerius, not only an asshole but the surliest man alive, makes her feel irrationally violent.

Anais only hums something to herself. “Anyway, no more of this talk, what are your plans for tonight?” she asks Ev with the trained cheerfulness of a person chatting to customers daily, “You know we are not opening tonight”, she adds, now sounding more concerned than cheerful.

“Because you are going on your adventure date with Theresa and your brother has not come back yet.” Ev waves her hand, “I remember.” She thinks of all the unopened letters on her desk at home and some notes she managed to scoop in her bag from Valerius’s desk in the palace, the risky act which would probably earn her another look from Anais, and adds, “just working”

“Why don’t you go to the theatre? The Goldgrave is doing their first performance since the plague. I think you should still be able to get the ticket at the door.” Anais wipes her forehead with the back of her hand, still holding the brush. “Actually, the guy who runs the show is Theresa’s neighbour, I will have a word with him. I am sure he will let you in for free if you promise to write a review.”

“Why would he want my review?”

“Oh come on! One of the Prakran dignitaries attends their humble performance, that’s like the most international exposure they have ever had!”

“Fine,” Ev says sceptically.

***

The man at the entrance didn’t lie about all the tickets being sold out, the small theatre is full and buzzes with anticipation. Ev had to endure a small torture of exchanging pleasantries with the overexcited theatre director and at least a dozen of guests, who all seems to know Anais and each other, after she introduced herself. But it all paid off and she is now sitting in the three-seat box closest to the stage, probably the most expensive seats in the whole of the theatre.

Ev eyes an empty seat to the far left. The seat next to her is taken by the old lady wearing simple but tasteful clothes and wrapped in the wooly shawl. She smells of the lily-of-the-valley perfume and apple pie. “Excuse me, are you expecting someone? I think the lights are about to go down”, Ev asks, giving the old lady a soft smile.

“Oh no, darling, I am here to watch my husband perform on stage.” She sounds proud. Ev tries to recall the last time somebody called her darling.

“That is really sweet, he must be thrilled to have you here,” she says, and the kindness in her voice is genuine. Ev finds her new neighbour positively charming, in a way only the older generation can be.

“And what is such a lovely young lady doing in the theatre alone?”

Ev shrugs her shoulders playfully. “I am here to keep you company. You have to tell me when your husband comes on stage,” Ev says, returning the smile.

The old lady covers her mouth and her laugh sounds youthful and bright. She is delighted at their little exchange.

That’s it, most people do like me.

The lights dim and just before the performance is about to begin, the curtain behind Ev’s seat moves letting the beam of light in the box and a dark figure walks in. A man, Ev thinks, who appears to be nicely proportioned. She watches temper and agitation in his movement, as he takes his seat silently. Ev thinks about her peculiar company for tonight, as the boxes are usually reserved by the group of guests. Is he here to watch his loved one too? Could he be from the newspaper?

The old lady nudges Ev’s elbow excitedly.

***

Ev has seen this play before. It is a story of the marriage proposal, full of humorous fights between the groom-to-be and his bride. The sweet old lady’s husband plays the father. He is a tall man with fluffy moustache (although those might be fake, you never know in the theatre) and genuine comedic talent. She wonders whether there is an apple pie waiting for him at home. Even through the dark Ev can see the lady looking lovingly at her husband.

Something makes Ev feel strangely out of place here. She bites the tip of her thumb lightly and replays the events of the day, remembering the old lady’s question from before and Anais asking about her plans. Her mind continues wondering and Ev catches herself thinking about what Valerius is doing tonight. The thought makes her stomach twist. Crying himself to sleep, hopefully.

She leans forwards to take a discreet look to her left, hoping to get a better view of the stranger’s face. He is hidden by shadows but the outline of his profile certainly makes her want to see more - high cheekbones, slightly convex nose and angular jaw, query full lips. He looks familiar.

Ev is now leaning so far forward her elbows are pressed on her knees, squinting and trying to recall where she might have seen this profile. She hears the old lady clearing her throat politely, and retreats, reminded of the theatre etiquette. Maybe it is nothing and he is just her type. She has been so busy recently, making plans only to watch them being discarded, thorn to shreds and thrown away, and so consumed by her anger, she did not really pay attention to the other people around. This feels nice and refreshing.

The curtain closes and the audience stands up to applaud. Ev shoots another look at the stranger. Beautiful posture, gloved hands, oh, mysterious. Maybe it would be nice to have plans with somebody like him. Before she can build up excitement about the lights coming up, the mysterious stranger turns around abruptly and disappears behind the curtain. All Ev sees is the flash of white light before her eyes, as empty and boring as her cold sheets back at home. She gets off her seat and runs after him. Maybe she is a madwoman after all. She does not have any plan, frankly, she doesn't even know why she is doing this, so she decides to go for the most obvious thing - she reaches the man’s shoulder from behind and places her hand as softly as she can considering her rush. “Ah excuse me -”, she says slightly breathy, “have we met before?”

The man turns and the disappointment that Ev experiences the very second she sees his face can only be compared to one of a child who unwraps the present only to find out that it is the older sibling’s jumper, in the child’s least favourite colour, the very same jumper the sibling was wearing the day they broke the child’s toy, most definitely on purpose. Ev is sure that she has seen other men in this city but apparently she is that unlucky.

“You,” says Valerius, baring his teeth. His eyes are slits of hatred, like he is contemplating ripping the skin off her. Ev can relate. She wants to punch him in the face. Ev clenches her jaw thinking about all the insults that he is about to throw her way.

“Consul,” she says in her best theatrical tone.

Valerius glances over his shoulder immediately, eyes wide. He does not respond, frantically scoping the corridor, which is starting to fill in with guests. Ev watches his expression and to her surprise there is no usual arrogance in it. This is unlike him. The moment draws her attention to what the consul is wearing - dark navy fitted coat, with discreet design, his long hair tucked in its high collar, cravat, high boots, gloved hands. Very unlike him. Ev studies him more carefully. There is no wine glass. This is getting disturbing.

“Are you incognito or something?”, she asks, snorting with amusement.

“None of your business”, Valerius spits. He reddens a little straight away and throws more nervous glances to his surroundings.

Oh. Tension. This is awkward, and juicy. Ev’s curiosity is officially piqued. The sight of Valerius’s discomfort is revitalising. She can feel blood pumping through her body and there is sparkle in her eyes. She smirks at him, even though he studiously avoids her gaze. Sensing the tiny hint of vulnerability just at the edges of his expression, she locks her arms around his and with the push of her hip turns them both away from the building crowd of chatting guests. “So you are incognito.” Ev really can't hide her excitement.

Both his eyebrows ratchet up, and Valerius opens his mouth as his eyes go wild, but he does not seem to be able to say a word. This is wonderful. A sensation of pure elation floods Ev. She has been dreaming about this day. She presses her body closer to Valerius and sinks her nails into his arm, like a cat toying with prey. She is thinking about this new power she has got.

Valerius looks down at Ev. “Your face looks… filthy”, he says and tries to shake her off. “Let me go. Now”

“No way. You can try screaming for help if you want.” This is the first time Ev has got the upper hand, and however little, she is not letting this opportunity slip.

“You are insane.” Valerius pulls his arm closer to his body, protectively.

Ev ignores him, right now she is busy thinking. “I know!”

“That you are insane?”

“You are stingy,” Ev says with the look of triumph in her eyes.

“What?!”

“Look, there is only one explanation. You came to the theatre once, they asked you for donations because everybody knows you are filthy rich but you refused, again and again, and now you are hiding. ”

“It is not the case.” Valerius makes another attempt to shake her off, but the sight of the theatre director walking their way through the crowd makes him stop. He turns away.

“So explain yourself then, dear consul”, Ev whispers in his ear, her voice full of venom. The group of guests walks right past them without giving them any attention. They must look like a couple, Ev realises, and eases her grip on his arm.

“No,” Valerius says sternly.

Ev stares at him for a moment, considering her options. “Fine, but you owe me”, she says simply.

“I owe you nothing”, he barks back.

“You know I am going to make a scene, maybe even mention you in the review which I kindly agreed to write for the local newspaper”

Valerius’s mouth twitches once and Ev can almost hear him gritting his teeth. At least, the man knows how the gossip works. “What do you want? How much?” The look he gives Ev is both smug and irritated.

“You are not the only one with the money here”, she makes her voice sound bored. It’s not the first Ev’s negotiation.

“I won’t ask you again, witch.” His voice is rough with anger but he bites it quicker than she expected.

“We can discuss tomorrow. I promise, it is just a small favour.”

Valerius does not say anything. He rubs the bridge of his nose and turns towards the exit, forgetting that Ev is still hanging on his arm.

“So, you like theatre?” she asks curiously as they leave together.

[shimmershae]

The more I think about it, the more “Find Me” feels like an echo of “Ghosts.”

Allow me to explain.  In probably the most rambling and incoherent way possible, lol.  My earlier post on Twitter about Season 10 being an exercise in grief and longing really got me to thinking.  Not just thinking.  Ruminating.  

Anywho.  

Posting the rest of this beneath a cut because nobody asked for this (I swear I haven’t imbibed or ingested any illegal substances).  

It doesn’t take long for Carol to be established as an unreliable narrator in “Ghosts.”  At first it isn’t completely obvious because there’s just enough fact in the fiction that Carol’s triggered brain stirs up.  Daryl’s there and he’s concerned about her.  He’s supportive.  Both things he’d been before, especially since Henry’s death, but there are just enough elements in those chemically and grief induced hallucinations of hers that make you go--oh wait a minute.  Like she’s having a break from reality but she’s desperately grasping for that which grounds her and that’s Daryl.  

Am I making any sense here?  I feel like I’m not.  

Let me approach this from another angle.  

Following the airing of “Find Me” various people mentioned that Daryl, similarly to Carol in “Ghosts” wasn’t exactly the most reliable narrator.  That things weren’t necessarily as they seemed.  The word toxic was bandied about but other than Leah giving Daryl an ultimatum to choose her over his family and Daryl dwelling in deep, longstanding depression?  There wasn’t much else overtly deserving of that moniker. 

Argh.  I’m still not explaining myself well.  Let me just jump right in the deep end of probable delusion here.  Sometimes it’s fun to splash around, lol.   

Wouldn’t it be wild—sad AF but still wild—if Leah was already dead when Daryl met her?  

Bear with me here.   

Like Carol in “Ghosts” Daryl is obviously struggling.  He’s grief-stricken.  His brother is lost to him and after he betrayed him no less.  His close friend is mired in her own grief--she’s just lost her mate, probably recently discovered she was carrying RJ, and it wasn’t too long before that they had all lost Carl.  And that’s not even considering Carol, who’s allowed herself to be pulled away, lured by the tantalizing chance of doing things right this time.  Of rearing a child capable of surviving in the harsh world they live in.  Another thing to remember is Daryl is not that far removed from his torture at Negan’s hands.  So he’s more fragile than he’d willingly admit to anyone.  

He’s searching the woods for a man that isn’t there.  Now he’s no more aware that Rick was taken than the rest of Team Family, but he’s unwilling to give up hope and so he searches and because Rick’s not there and hasn’t been since shortly after that bridge blew up, Daryl’s doomed to always come up empty.  To always feel disappointment.  To never have his grief assuaged because as long as there’s no body in the form of a Walker, there’s still hope.  Or plausible denial.  Take your pick.  

He’s tireless in his search.  He’s methodical.  He plots out the places he’s already scoured on a hand-drawn map.  A map that just so happens to get ruined by an awful storm and Daryl seems to reach his breaking point, screaming out into the roar of that storm.  Walking through the barrage, the harsh rain and the violent lightning, unconcerned for his safety.  

Dude has a bit of a mental break.  He’s undeniably emotional.  

It’s not long after that he stumbles upon Dog.  Or, more aptly, Dog stumbles upon him.  

That puppy immediately lightens Daryl’s heavy heart and helping it find its way home gives him purpose.  He’s a tracker after all.  He could have easily traced Dog’s steps back to that cabin.  

Funny that Dog was always coming to him.  That he was roaming free in woods that were full of hidden dangers.  

I don’t know about the rest of ya’ll but that cabin looked abandoned when Daryl first discovered it.  Maybe not long abandoned, but it didn’t look inhabited by the living. And that’s the weird thing.  How did that Walker get into the cabin?  Did Leah just leave the door wide open for it?  Did she also leave the door wide open for Dog to escape?  Why was he always such an unaccompanied furry minor? 

The thoughts swirling around in my brain, lovelies.  They’re going to force me to go back and watch that fucking episode again aren’t they?

My point is that Dog essentially leads Daryl to the cabin. The Walker’s inside and then he stumbles upon Leah, who bursts onto the scene like she wants to be Sarah Connor or something. Daryl ends up in restraints and Leah questions him and ultimately lets him go and WTF, lovelies.  Who does that in the ZA?  As a woman all alone in a cabin miles from anybody else, in the company of a man she doesn’t know from Adam?  If ever there’s a time to have stranger danger...

Right from the start, this chick doesn’t really add up.

So Daryl leaves the cabin.  He resumes his search for Rick and he seems to give very little thought to this Leah or the cabin.  Until Dog finds him again.  

Strange isn’t it that he keeps stumbling back in her path around the times that Carol visits, when she draws further and further from his reach and closer to the fairytale he thinks she’s living at the Kingdom?  

Did Daryl ever go to that cabin without following Dog? I can’t remember.  The episode was beautifully shot but ultimately too painful to rewatch for my Caryl loving heart.  

Anywho.  

When Daryl and Carol come upon that cabin in the woods, Daryl’s flashbacks begin.  They’re hazy around the edges and not as clearly defined as the moments he spends with Carol.  Speaking of the moments he spends with Carol, how coincidinky that so many of them echo his moments with Leah?  Or do we have it all backwards?  Hmm?  

Things are so convoluted sometimes on this fucking show it leads one to question their sanity.  

Let me ramble out a few wild thoughts for you lovelies again and you tell me if I’ve completely lost it, lol.  

What if Dog was simply an orphaned, abandoned Dog that found Daryl in the woods?

What if Daryl followed the trail Dog had traveled in reverse and stumbled upon the cabin?  

What if the cabin was abandoned because Leah was already dead?  What if she’d taken her own life?  What if Daryl saw the cross/grave outside and the picture inside and his grief-stricken brain conjured up a whole tragic story for this woman, this Walker roaming around inside this house, and she became his coping mechanism?  You know.  Kind of like Rick did Lori when he had his own break with reality.  They’ve all suffered so much, lovelies.  They’ve all got PTSD.  It’s just manifesting in different ways.  

I mean, all of this would fit the label of sad that NR and others have given this little tale.  It would even fit toxic because Daryl let grief and loneliness swallow him for a while.  

As Carol pulls farther away from him, Leah just keeps popping up more and more.  

Daryl essentially loses himself in his own fairy tale only it’s a nightmare painted in soft colors and Leah asking him to choose is basically his own psyche saying to him “do you wanna live here in this fantasy land and numb your pain or do you want to relive the awful reality of Rick being lost and Carol slowly fading from your life day by day?”  And at first he’s like, you can’t make me make that choice because Daryl doesn’t want to give up hope, no matter how futile it seems.  But then Carol makes what she tells him might be her final visit for a while and anger leads Daryl right back to that fucking cabin and oblivion.  Back to the solitude of his tortured thoughts.  

That note, lovelies.  It felt like by choosing Leah he was choosing a lifetime of being alone more than it did him choosing the hope of a new love.  That “find me” for all the world felt like he was willing hope to find him again.  Hope in the form of love in the form of Carol.  

Listen.  I never said this would make sense, lol.  

When Daryl gets back to that cabin, Leah is gone.  Her picture is gone. 

Truly it felt like she’d never been there.  

Even more so when you consider how run down the cabin looks in present day when Daryl and Carol seek shelter in it.  

I can’t help it.  Some small part of me?  Well, it thinks that Daryl told Carol about Leah (whether she existed or not) as a way to both make her feel better than he wasn’t out there in those woods completely alone and to maybe move the needle a little bit on the nature of their own relationship.  Both in the past and present day.  

And while he and Carol are struggling through the ever-shifting nature of their feelings for each other, Daryl has climbed out of his own darkness and found hope again in Judith and RJ.  In the family he’s embraced again. In the communities.  And he’s angry and unsettled because he wants the same for Carol but she doesn’t seem to want that for herself.  

He still wants her to find hope.  

He still wants her to find him.  

He still wants her to find love and peace.  

Help me, lovelies.  These two have broken me, lol.  I promise.  I’m stone cold sober.  A little, okay a lot, tired.  

Wouldn’t it be wild, though?  If Leah really wasn’t what she seemed?  If she were a figment of a broken, lonely man’s tortured imagination?  

Undeniably sad AF but wild all the same.  

[wiypt-writes]

Riding High

Ch15: This is Me

 Chapter Summary: Fliss tells Frank exactly what happened to her during her marriage.

 Chapter Warnings: Mentions of Domestic abuse and violence. Bad Language words. Smut (NSFW). NO UNDERAGE READERS PLEASE!!!!!!!

 Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

 A/N: This is a REALLY heavy going chapter, but all you regulars will know this has been brewing for quite some time. PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE WARNINGS! If any of those things are triggers, please avoid. If anyone is wondering, the face claim for John is an older Ben Affleck (best way I can describe) in his Batman days.  

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Fliss Gallagher and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Riding High Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 14

All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

.

“Hey Titch.”  Bill greeted Fliss as she walked down the steps to the pool area he and Verity both sat at the table, him drinking a coffee, Verity pouring over a book. “You’re home early.” “Well my lessons are done.” She said, shrugging. “And, I err, I need to talk to you both.”

“What’s wrong?” Verity put her book down and pushed her sunglasses up on top of her head. “You’ve not broken up with Frank have you?” “What? No, no, we’re errr fine.” She sat down in the spare chair and looked at her Dad then her Mum before taking a deep breath “I got a call this morning. John’s up for Parole. His hearing is in six weeks.”

Her parents reacted exactly the way she had anticipated they would do, in a similar angry manner to her Brother who she had called after speaking to Frank. Bill made a growling noise in his throat, slamming his mug on the table whilst Verity’s right hand flew to her chest, the other reaching out to grasp at Fliss’ shoulder.

“Oh, love.” “Fucker.” Bill growled, before he shook his head and looked at Fliss “Can you appeal?” “Yeah.” She nodded “But I don’t know…” she took a deep breath “I don’t want to go back into a court room. That’s what he will want, to see me there, again…and…”

“Honey…you have to-“ “No, I don’t” Fliss cut her mother off. “Frank’s right, the days of me having to do anything are over. I’m going to speak to Greg Cullen, Frank’s friend who’s an attorney and I’m gonna look my options when the full information comes through and go from there…”

Bill nodded and Fliss didn’t miss the look he shot Verity, silently telling her to leave it.  “Sounds sensible.” he said. “So, I take it from that you’ve talked to Frank?”

Fliss nodded, “Lunchtime yeah.”

 She fell silent and Bill leaned over and gently squeezed her hand “What is it Titch?”

She looked up at him and licked her lips. “He doesn’t know everything, not how bad it got and…” she took another deep breath “I need to tell him, so, we both agreed to sit down and talk tonight but it needed to be done just the two of us. So, I was wondering….” “Of course we’ll have Mary.” Verity nodded, anticipating the question.

“We did promise to take her to the Shake Shack at some point this week.” Bill agreed “Seems as good a night as any.” Fliss smiled. “Frank’s going to explain the basics, she’s too clever not to notice something’s going on but that’s it, she won’t know any details so…”

“Okay.” Verity nodded, before she took a deep breath and stood up “I made some apple and courgette loaf…you got room for a slice?” “Always room for that!” Fliss grinned “And I wouldn’t say no to a coffee…”

Verity smiled, dropped her hand on Fliss’ shoulder as she stood up and made her way towards the house. Bill watched her go before he turned to Fliss.

“How are you really feeling?”

 “Like shit.” She said honestly “I was so upset before but Frank made me see things a little more logically once I’d finished my melt down.” “Liss, you do know this is going to be a heavy conversation.” Bill looked at her as he took a breath “Just don’t be too worried or concerned if he gets a little, I dunno, upset maybe.” Fliss nodded, she already knew that. She knew it was going to be as hard for Frank to hear as it was for her to tell him.

“But for what it’s worth…” Bill looked at her. “I’m glad you’ve got him. I’ve seen such a change in you since you met him last year, even before you started…” he made a clicking noise with his tongue and winked, causing Fliss to snort and shake her head. “He’s a good guy, and as you well know they don’t come around often.” “I know.” she chewed her lip. “Dad, you don’t think he’ll look at me any different do you, once he knows…” “Fliss, you could probably set fire to a cage full of puppies and he’d still think the sun shone out of your arse.” Bill snorted, waving off her concern.

 “Wow, that’s…dark.” Fliss raised an eyebrow.

 “Yeah, and now I think of it…he’d probably find that a little strange…and sick…” Bill mused, flashing her a wink. “But you know what I mean.” “Thanks pops.” she smiled, and Bill opened his arms and she grinned standing up. She moved to sit on her dad’s knee as he wrapped her into a hug, kissing her head.

 “Thought I got too old to sit on your lap years ago” she teased, resting her head against his.

“You’ll never be too old for a Poppa Bill snuggle.” he chuckled, rubbing her back “No matter how old you get, you’ll always be my little girl.” ***** Frank couldn’t be bothered speaking to Evelyn, he had far more pressing things on his mind. So, instead, when he arrived to pick Mary up from school he simply fired her a text message saying he would call later in the week when it was convenient to talk. To his surprise, she replied back almost immediately saying she was glad to hear from him and would Wednesday around six pm be suitable. His answer was a single word, yes, before he slid his phone back in his pocket and went in to collect Mary.

“Bit of a break in routine tonight.” he said, looking at her “Bill and V are taking you out to dinner, something about the Shake Shack?” “Yesssss!” Mary punched the air before she looked at Frank suspiciously “Hang on, why? Did you speak to Evelyn? Has something gone wrong? Did she change her mind?” “No, no nothing like that.” he shook his head “I’ve messaged Evelyn and I’m going to call her on Wednesday to sort things out properly when I can have a good discussion.” “So what’s going on?”

Frank took a deep breath, he’d agreed with Lissy he would tell Mary the basics, the very basics, so that she had a comprehension of what was happening, but he was still struggling to find the words.

 “You know that Fliss’ ex-husband…John, he went to prison right?”

 “Yeah.” “Well, he was locked up for doing some bad stuff to Fliss. Like he hurt her, a lot…” “Oh.” Mary frowned “That’s…why would he…” “Because he’s an ass hole.” Frank said simply “The point is Stack, in six week or so he’s going to go for something called Parole, you know that that is?” “No” “It’s when a prisoner is considered for early release. If John gets it, it means he will be free, but have to abide by certain rules for a while.” Mary nodded, as they reached the truck.

“So tonight me and Fliss need to talk about some stuff, about how we deal with this going forward as Fliss has a chance to give evidence at his appeal as to why he shouldn’t be let out. You following me?” Mary nodded “Evidence that proves he’s a bad guy, right?”

“Absolutely. But I don’t want you talking to anyone about this oayk? It’s private for Fliss. I’m only telling you because you have a right to understand what’s happening.” “I won’t tell anyone.” Mary nodded. “Wait, not even Roberta?” “Not even Roberta. It’s up to Fliss who she tells.”

 “But Bill and Verity will know.” “Yes.” Frank said “But I expect they’ll be upset too so…just keep it shut, please.” he ended a little lamely.

 “Okay.” Mary nodded.

They both piled in the truck and headed back to their apartment to pick up a few things for Mary, Frank having enough stashed at Fliss’ as it was before they drove over. Frank opened the gate with the fob Fliss had given him months ago, and they drove through to be greeted by Thor who was running up and down the drive chasing Bill’s terrier in some kind of odd game.

“Hey, Gorgeous.” Frank smiled as he got out of his truck and leaned down to give Fliss a soft kiss “You okay? How did they take it?” “As well as I expected. Mum kept up appearances and then left to go into the kitchen to fetch a drink so she could melt down in private and Dad, well, he was angry but…” she shrugged

“I’ve explained as well as I can to Mary” he turned his head to see her running up the drive being followed by the dogs “And I’ve told her not to mention it to anyone.”

“Okay.” Fliss nodded, her eyes also on the young girl. “Bill said after dinner, if it’s ok with you, he might take her down to the Marina to watch the night trawlers setting out. It fascinates the twins and the guys there are always happy to field their questions so…”

Frank shrugged “Yeah, if she wants. Doesn’t bother me as long as she’s in bed for a semi-reasonable hour.”

Together they made their way into the house where Bill swept Mary up into his arms in a hug as she started chattering to him about some project she was going to be working on for Girl Scouts and, after a short chat, Fliss and Frank headed back over to the annex. They made normal conversation, just like they always did as Fliss cooked them a quick, easy dinner of grilled seabass and salad, but there was an atmosphere, like a huge cloud was hanging over them. Which it was. And that the pair of them were trying to ignore it. Which they were. Eventually, when the dishes were done, the beer was opened and the wine was poured, they couldn’t ignore it any longer.

Fliss told Frank to head outside and start the fire pit, which he did whilst she disappeared upstairs before returning a little later with a small, blue ring bound book, which she held on her lap as she sat next to him. "I don't even know where to start." Fliss tucked her legs underneath her on the seat as Frank threw another chunk of wood on the fire. "I suppose the beginning is the best place."

 "Usually, yeah..." Frank smiled, sweeping a piece of her hair behind her ears as he turned side ways on the wicker couch to face her.

 “Okay.” She swallowed a bit of her wine before she placed it on the table. “Right from the beginning?”

 “Whatever you want. I’ll listen.”

 She nodded, and then with a deep breath she began to talk.

“We first met at the Olympics in 2008. It was my first big break. I was only a reserve rider but I was still buzzing you know, swept away in it all.” she smiled softly “John was on the US team, had been for a while and, well, his attention and praise, I guess it flattered me. I saw him again later on that year at the International Championships and then over the twelve months or so at Badminton, HOYS...that’s the Horse of the Year show.” she explained as Frank gave her a blank look. “All the big gigs, but it wasn't until the World Equestrian Games in 2010 that we hooked up.” Frank smiled at her choice of language as she snorted. “Yup I had a Friday night fuck.”

 He chuckled to himself, shaking his head as she continued.

“I can’t describe being on the road like that, but it’s intense. You're away for weeks and its, well it’s like a different world. From then on over the next year or so we started emailing and every chance we got be it training or competitions we met up, spent time together. Then In 2011 we basically decided to try and go for it and did the whole long distance thing whilst he was living in the US, me in the UK, and when I won my medal in 2012 he declared how much he loved me and was so proud of me in the press when he did any interviews…”

Frank watched as a slight smile spread across her face, and she bit her lip as she looked back at him, shrugging.

“It was like a fairy tale.” she whispered “I got swept up in it all and then packed up and moved to Boston in the October. That November I had my accident which you know about, and I was in a back brace for twelve weeks and he was amazing.” she shrugged. “He proposed to me that December and honestly Frank, he cared and looked after me I just…I don’t know where that John went. Looking back, I often wonder if he had some kind of brain injury that turned him into an asshole.” “Don’t make excuses for him.” Frank said softly “Please…” “I’m not.” she assured him. “I just really don’t understand.” “There’s nothing to understand.” Frank looked at her shaking his head.

“Anyway, by the February in 2013 I was just starting to exercise again. God I was in a bad way. Mentally and physically. Because I’d been immobile I was out of shape, felt fat, ugly, I’d put on a good 2 stone…or…erm… 28 pounds.” She shrugged “But John, well, he didn’t care. Or so I thought. Now I look back on it I think this is where it all started.” She reached for her wine and Frank drained the rest of his beer. He glanced at the bottle and Fliss looked at him.

 “Wanna break out the strong stuff?” she asked gently.

 “Well, if any situation warrants it, I feel this one does.” He nodded smiling.

She uncurled her legs from beneath her and Frank watched her go. Normally he would offer to fetch the drinks but he sensed she needed to move, get away from the intensity for a moment so to speak so he let her go. With a sigh his head fell back, his eyes looking up at the sky which was streaked with red and purples and pinks from the now setting sun. His head was a whirlwind of emotion already and they hadn’t even scratched the surface.

Fliss emerged from the house with a bottle of Monkey Shoulder scotch and two tumblers, one filled with ice. Frank scoffed a laugh at her, it was a long standing joke she liked ice in her shorts where as he preferred them straight, something she always pulled a face at given how he couldn’t drink anything else at room temperature.

Silently she poured him a good measure and he took it from her with a thanks as she returned to her previous position and Frank shifted slightly again to face her, his right hand curled round his drink, his left resting along the back of the garden sofa they were on. She took a sip and then once more launched back into her memories.

 “We had a Ball to attend. One that the US team were holding, and I mentioned I had nothing to wear. So, John ordered me something, a beautiful sky blue gown only it didn’t fit. When I told him and got upset he said it was a genuine mistake and he’d ordered my usual size and apologised and promised to return it, but then suggested maybe I kept it as motivation to lose the weight in time for the ball at the start of May and get into it…”

“He wanted you to lose 28 pound in two months?” Frank looked at her, raising an eyebrow. “Whilst you were just recovering?”

“I did it.” she shrugged in answer to his question. “I pushed myself, skipped meals…but…” Frank made an annoyed noise in his throat, but other than that made no further comment.

“There were other little things, controlling things he did as well. Like he took over the arrangements for the wedding and governed the first time I got back on a horse, told me when I could go back to work, start the training to become a Coach…all dressed up as the fact he cared and didn’t want me to rush back into things. Then one night in the September, I snapped. There was a trip organised, a conference, for the trainee Coaches intake for that year, and he told me I wasn’t going. So I bit back, and told him that he wasn’t my father and that was the first time he hit me. Straight slap, right across the face.” Frank watched as she took a sip of her drink before she shrugged. “I locked myself in the bathroom, and he sat outside the door for hours, crying, apologising, saying he was sorry, just under a lot of stress and worried about me…begged for forgiveness…pleaded with me not to call off the wedding, and you know the stupid thing?” She looked at Frank. “I always, always swore that if a man raised his hand to me, I’d be done, out of there, but I forgave him, like an idiot. And married him four weeks later, just as planned.”

She paused for a moment, shifting slightly to pull her phone out of her pocket. Frank watched her, curiously for a moment as she tapped at the screen before she handed it to him and he glanced down. It was an article, published in Your Horse magazine, or so the tag at the top told him.

‘From Olympic Rings to Wedding Rings!’ The headline read, and he scanned down, ignoring the blurb on the text, catching the odd phrase such as ‘the stars aligned’ and ‘fairy-tale romance…’ which made him want to puke as there was nothing fairy-tale about it. Eventually he reached a photo and Frank got his first look at the man he hated with every single inch of his body. He was tall, sharp jawed, quite athletic looking. Typically handsome with dark eyes and dark hair. He stood next to Fliss in his black tuxedo, his arm curled around her waist as he smiled at the camera. Fliss looked stunning. Her wedding dress was princess like, clinched in at the waist and flared out in layer upon layer of tulle which was adorned with crystals that caught the light. Her hair was twisted up off her face and she wore some kind of diamond studded headdress. She was smiling but as Frank looked closer he could see her eyes...they didn't have that sparkle he knew and loved.

 "I hated everything about the day." She said gently. "I wanted a quiet beach wedding, somewhere warm, with a simple dress, close friends, family... a big tent with fairly lights and snack food..."  

Frank smiled as what she was describing was so effortlessly her, but the smile slipped from his face as she continued.

 "...but he insisted on the full hog. Huge Boston based wedding at a church and then a sit down reception at the Harbor with a party in the evening. But that was John. Always about showing off...even my engagement ring was another way for him to display to the world what he could afford. This huge six carat brilliant cut diamond...it was gaudy."

 Frank handed her the phone and she shut the web browser down.

 "Sounds so ungrateful doesn’t it." She snorted "Most girls would kill for a day like that"

 "Most girls don’t have a guy controlling their every move" he said gently. "It's not ungrateful at all. A wedding day should be about both people, well, so I’ve heard."

 "It was a circus." She shrugged. “There were people there whose names I didn’t even know. I didn’t want the magazines there either but he talked me round, saying that if we didn’t let them in they’d simply use unofficial photos and…well, anyway that was that.”

 Frank reached over and took the empty glass off her and topped both the tumblers up, glad of the momentary distraction. As he handed her back to her she smiled and took a sip.

“Things were fine for a while, well, in that he didn’t hit me, but then in the February of 2014 we had another argument. I’d been away with the training school and they always ran updates on their websites about the conferences, and there was a photo of me laughing with one of the other guys, another competitor from the US team who was also training to become a coach. Nothing that anyone else would read anything into…but he did. Accused me of cheating and when it told him he was being ridiculous he hit me. Only this wasn’t a slap, it was a full on punch. And he fractured my cheek bone.”

 Frank took a sharp breath, and swallowed a mouthful of scotch.

 “Once again he was sorry…and then it kinda went like that for the most. He’d go weeks without hitting me and then he’d flip and wham. A slap here and a punch there…”

The flippancy with which she was describing it, like it was something that was normal, that just happened was beginning to make Frank’s blood boil. He tried not to show outwardly what he was feeling inside, but he clearly had as Fliss reached along the back of the seat to tangle her fingers into his. He gave her hand a squeeze as she continued to talk.

“That April I was scheduled for a big competitive comeback with Team GB. I had my sponsors lined up, it was being touted on the circuit as Gallagher’s Return to Glory… press interviews, and everything….you name it. And then- “ “Hang on, Gallagher?” Frank cut her off. “Did you not change your name?” Fliss shook her head. “Nope.” She studied him for a moment, smiling. “You look surprised.”

“I am. Given how controlling he was, I expected him to want you to change it.”

“I didn’t want to. It made sense for me to keep my name, it was all about the brand, see.” She shrugged. “John, surprisingly wasn’t all that bothered.” She took a sip of her drink. “Anyway, that aside…the comeback was arranged and four weeks before I was due to fly home he told me I wasn’t going. I said he couldn’t stop me. I guess he took that as a challenge as he grabbed me by the hair and shoved my hand in the doorframe of the kitchen. Slammed it shut four times. Broke three of my fingers and dislocated my wrist. So I missed out. And I never competed again, well not professionally anyway.”

 “Fuck.” Frank’s face screwed up as he shook his head “Lissy…” He trailed off as her fingers tightened around his, and he brought her hand up to softly kiss over her knuckles, almost as if doing so would take away the pain of that injury, the injury that was long healed but had left scars deep on her soul, deeper than any physical scars could go.

“That’s when it started escalating and I ended up in hospital with a broken nose in the April, that was the result of an argument about me going out, a fractured arm in the July that was because I’d dared to refuse to have sex with him in the car outside the fucking store and two broken ribs in the October which was a result of me saying I didn’t want to host a Halloween party.  A doctor at the hospital who had been looking at my records started asking questions and gave me a leaflet on Domestic Violence which, obviously I refused to take. But then, that Christmas when he insisted on spending it alone and not with my family, I dunno why but I called one of the numbers, anonymously. Started looking into it a bit more and that’s where I got the idea to keep a diary. Document it, in case I did ever want to leave and press charges.”

 She nodded to the book she had brought with her which now rested on the table and Frank looked at it, before he turned back to her.

“You know, to many people it’s so black and white. Mum and Dad were begging me to leave him but I brushed it off. I lied to my own parents, told them they’d been work accidents and that I was fine. That’s what it turns you into, a liar, but, I loved him. Well, I thought I did. Now, looking back it was more fear than anything. He’d spent so long telling me that if I left I’d be nothing that he’d find me. I believed him, so convinced myself it was easier to stay.”

She moved, placing her tumbler on the table and reached for the book and handed it to him.

 “The rest is in there.” she said softly as he too set his glass down and took the book from her gently and he was surprised to see his hands were shaking slightly. “Apparently they say over time you recall bad memories easier than good ones, and that you can also distort them, make them worse than they actually were so I stuck to facts. It’s pretty impersonal but, well…” Frank looked at the cover before he looked back at her and she nodded. With a swallow he shifted slightly, opening it.

The first entry he saw was dated January 2nd 2015 and simply stated that John had given her a slap as she hadn’t made the bed fast enough for his liking. Then there was another on January the 21st saying he had launched a crystal decanter of whiskey at her head as she’d filled it with the wrong brand. They continued along this vein until he paused at an entry for February 12th.

 Burnt me with a cigarette on my right hip because I burnt dinner.

 Frank’s jaw clenched, but he continued to read, the diary was littered with him giving her slaps and punches for whatever fucking reason the asshole wanted, but it was the big ones that sprung out at him, that made him want to be sick.

 February 17th. Grabbed my hair and banged my face into the wall because I refused sex in the living room whilst guests were in the garden for the Spring Party.

 March 21st. Whipped me with a belt after a guy was chatting me up in a bar. Drew blood.

March 22nd. Violent sex to remind me I was his.

 At that Frank stopped reading and looked at her, his voice sticking in his throat. “Violent sex. He raped you?” Fliss took a breath. “I never actually told him no but he wouldn’t have listened if I had. He left a lot of bruises.”

 “Fucking hell, Lissy…” Frank shook his head “This…that is not…” “I know.” she soothed him softly. “I know.”

He looked at her again, her eyes shining with the emotion that her voice didn’t betray. He had no idea how she could be so calm about all this, but then he realised that was more than likely her coping mechanism. That she’d probably detached herself from all of this on purpose. Because it was sink or swim. And she’d chosen to swim.

April 13th. Choked me whilst I was in the bath. Held me underwater to the point I almost stopped breathing. Stopped when Loki bit him.

April 14th. Loki dead. John said he poisoned him as a lesson to show that he was a guard dog for the house not me.

“He almost killed you.” Frank stuttered as he looked up at her, this time unable to hide his emotions. He felt his eyes swimming and he looked away as Fliss gently took his hand again and she nodded as he looked back up at her.

“The day after he killed Loki was when I took the overdose.” She said gently. “That day when he’d choked me, as I was slipping under, I felt nothing but peace, this overwhelming sense of serenity so, I saw a way out.” She took a deep breath. “That was the point at which Bill, Mum and Steve started to get really concerned, but he managed to convince them, the doctors, me that I was depressed, that it all stemmed from my accident. I don’t think my family really believed him, not fully, but what could they do?”

At that point she sniffed and Frank saw the tears form in her eyes “I put them through so much and…”

“Stop, stop.” He said, his voice cracking as he tossed the book aside and pulled her to him. She melted into his embrace, her face pressing into his chest as he held her tightly, kissing the top of her head “None of this was your fault, none of it…” She stayed still, her shoulders shaking slightly as he simply held her close, blinking back his own tears as they sat there for a moment before she pulled back.

“The rest of it is much the same. Although he eased off a bit and convinced me that trying for a baby would solved all our issues. So I went with it. Each month it failed he’d punish me when I got my period, but you know that bit anyway.”

Frank gently reached out and wiped her tears away with his thumbs as she smiled at him sadly.

“I found out I was pregnant in the January of 2016 and that was the moment I decided I needed to get out. I couldn’t bring a baby into that.” She sniffed, her eyes swimming. “I feel so guilty about that you know, that I got rid of it. It wasn’t the baby’s fault but being tied to him for ever, I just, I couldn’t. I know that’s selfish but…”

“No, it’s not selfish.” Frank held her face in his hands as he looked at her, driving his words home “You got nothing to feel guilty about, you got that? Nothing.”

There was a silence as he simply looked at her, his chest heaving with emotion as she turned her head slightly to place a soft kiss on his palm before she leaned into his touch, like a dog seeking comfort and reassurance. As if on cue Thor leapt up onto the seat in between them, forcing his way into the middle, his back turned on Frank as he licked at Fliss’ face, soft noises and whines coming from him as he did so.

 “It’s okay…” she gently laughed at the dog, stroking his head.

Frank was almost glad of the reprieve that the German shepherd had given him because he was utterly lost. He had no idea how to comfort her, or if his words would even begin to scratch the surface of what she had told him. After a moment or two Thor settled, simply curling up in between them and lay his head on Fliss’ lap as she scratched his ears and looked at Frank. “That was when I started making plans. Told my mum I was coming to Florida for a visit and needed her to book me a ticket, but she knew. She could tell this was me crying for help, so she sorted everything out and said that her and dad were coming to get me. I had the abortion on the Tuesday morning, I was booked on a flight on Thursday evening, Thor as well…it was all ready to go…but John was supposed to be away at some kind of training conference until the Friday but he came back early.  I was packing up a few things and he caught me.” She swallowed “And then, something in me snapped, like really snapped. And I let rip. I told him he was an ass hole, that what he was doing wasn’t normal and I told him all about the baby as well, how I’d gotten rid of it because he’d have been the worst father in the world and he did a number on me which you know about. He almost killed me. The police arrived, mum had tried calling me several times and when she couldn’t get hold of me she called them, turns out so had one of the neighbours as they’d heard the screaming and shouting. That was it. He was arrested and, well, I pressed charges and moved here.”

A silence fell between them, one which Frank was desperately trying to find the words to break, but failing, miserably. He wanted to kill the fucker, it was beyond him how anyone could ever want to harm a hair on her head. Not merely because she’d been helpless, and powerless to stop it, but because she was so goddamned amazing.

 “Lissy…” he eventually said, reaching out again for her hand, not missing the fact the dog was eyeing him beadily as he did so. “I don’t know what to say…what you went through, it’s abhorrent and…”

 “You know what the worse bit was?” she looked at Frank, cutting him off. “Reliving all that in court. Despite the evidence, police catching him in the act he denied it and I had to tell everyone what he had done.  He let his Attorney cross examine me, call me a liar, and then changed his plea. Simply because he could. He wanted that one last moment of humiliation and that’s why I can’t and won’t go to his hearing in person.”

 Frank was surprised, and also a little pleased to see the fire in her eyes and the absolute conviction in her tone, it was almost like she had reached a revelation, a turning point, a moment where she seized control over it all, and when she spoke again, he realised that was exactly what she was doing.

 “When I was talking to mum and dad before, I realised that I don’t wanna live my life in this state of panic and worry about what comes next. If he gets out he gets out. I can't control that. But, like my therapist said, what I can control is how I deal with it. And the only control I have is to NOT to let him control me any-more. If I go to that parole hearing he gets me in a room with him, again, and why should he?”  She took a deep breath and looked at Frank, her large brown eyes locking onto his. “I’ll talk to Greg, he can write the statement and I’ll submit it but I’m not going.”

“You don’t have to.” He shook his head.

“I just wanna...I just want to live this normal life, with you and Mary and...be Lissy. Not Felicity, Lissy. Your Lissy.”

 “You are.” he assured her. “I love you, you know that.”

 “I know, and I love you…and God did that scare me at first because, well I hadn’t been expecting it. I was done, happy on my own and then you walked into my life…or sailed into it…” At that he let out a soft chuckle. “And I know you're not that man. You're not John and that you’d never hurt me...not because you can’t but because you don’t want to.” she took another deep breath as she glanced down at Thor who was now asleep, the dog clearly sensing no threat was there “But, Frank, there’s this part of me that thinks it's too good to be true. That one day the whole thing will come tumbling down, and I know I have no reason to think that but I can’t help but be scared. We’re only five months down the line and you're already pissed off...” “I’m not pissed off at you.” He shook his head. “I’m angry at him putting you through this. And I just want you to know that I’m not perfect, I’m uncomfortable with the fact you think I am, that you think that this…us…” He waved his hand between them. “Is something special because I treat you normally. It’s special, yeah, of course it is, but that’s because it just is. Not because I’m this magical saint like human, when in fact I’m so far from that.”

 He reached over and took both her hands in his, and intertwined their fingers, looking at her. “You know, I never thought I’d ever want to settle down, that I’d ever find someone I wanted all that domestic shit with but then…I met you and…I dunno, you just…you sideswiped me Lissy, and well, yeah, it’s really early days you’re right, and what I feel for you after such a short period of time is, well, it is scary, I’ll admit that but I wanna be in this for the long run and that means we work through whatever it is together, honestly.” She smiled “So I'll tell you when I'm scared and worried about stuff and you tell me when I'm being an idiot?”

 He laughed and nodded, “Something like that.”

 She leaned over, ignoring the large dog in between them and placed a soft kiss to his lips. “Deal.”

 He smiled and pressed his forehead to hers, but before either of them had chance to do anything or say anything else, Thor pricked his ears up and shot off the seat between them, jogging to the back door. Both of them looked to see Mary walking into the yard, followed by Verity and Bill.

 “Hey.” Verity greeted them both as Fliss smiled at her mum. “You both ok?” “Yeah.” Fliss nodded. “We’re good.”

 Bill eyed Frank a little cautiously, which didn’t pass Frank by so he simply flashed Bill a little nod and saw the man relax visibly before he held up a bag.

“Mary thought you might fancy ice cream so we brought you some back from the Shack.” He said.

“It was awesome!” Mary bounded onto Frank’s knee drawing a grunt from him as she sat perched on his lap. “I had the Oreo milkshake and a huge burger with fries and…” she paused and looked at Bill “What was that stuff on them?” “Sour cream kiddo.” Bill answered and Mary made a noise of recognition.

 “Sour cream and cheese” she nodded “And then I had a cookie dough and fudge brownie sundae…” “So basically you aint gonna want to eat for a week.” Frank looked at her, and Mary grinned.

 “We got you some of the black forest because I know you love that, Titch.” Bill said “And Mary said Frank would want the peanut butter brittle.”

 “Mary was right!” Frank grinned, hi-fiving her before he stood up, slinging her over his shoulder causing her to giggle. He placed her down, his hand gently caressing the back of her head “What do you say to Bill and V?” “I already said thanks!”

 “She did.” Verity smiled “And it was our pleasure.”

 “Go get your stuff on for bed. I’ll be up in a second.” He said to her gently and it was a testament to how tired she was that she didn’t protest. She gave Fliss a hug, then Verity and Bill before she skipped inside, Thor following.

 “I’ll put that in the freezer…unless you want some now?” Fliss made to take the bag off her Dad and looked at Frank. He shook his head.

“Save it for tomorrow, Sweetheart.”

 Fliss nodded and headed inside, Bill and Verity then turned to Frank.

 “Is…she, I mean, are you…are you both…” Verity started and Frank gave her a smile.

 “We’re ok.” He assured the woman. “I promise.”

Verity nodded as Bill looked at him.

“You sure?”

 “It wasn’t nice hearing.” Frank shrugged “I’m not sure what else I can say Bill.”

 Bill nodded and at that point Fliss returned and Verity smiled at her.

 “We’ll leave you to it.” She said, giving her a hug which she returned. Bill gently clapped his hand on Frank’s shoulder, giving it a warm squeeze and Frank knew it was the man’s way of trying to reassure him somewhat.

 He wasn’t sure whether it had worked.

***** An hour or so later after a bit of TV, Fliss announced she was going for a shower and then heading to bed. Telling her he’d be up in a moment, Frank stayed where he was, simply mulling things over in his head. He prided himself on being a calm, level headed guy, able to logically see his way through most situations but this, well this was fucking with his head. He was angry, really angry that someone had put her through all of that and he was struggling to process it.

 After torturing himself for another ten or so minutes, with a resigned sigh he pushed himself off the sofa, and turned off the TV. Once upstairs he poked his head into the spare room and saw Mary was fast asleep, Thor curled around her feet. The dog looked up at him, but made no attempt to move as he turned off the lamp and headed across the small hallway to the master bedroom. To his surprise the lamp was on but Fliss was nowhere to be found.

 Now that he thought about it, he could hear the shower was still running. She must not have gotten in straight away as she’d come upstairs a good fifteen minutes or so ago. With a slight frown he headed to the door of the bathroom and gently nudged it open a touch.

 “Lissy?” he asked softly, “Baby, you ok?”

She didn’t answer, but as the steam from the water cleared Frank could make her out through the frosted glass of the screen. She was leaning on the tiles, facing the shower, one palm flat on the wall by the side of the temperature dial, the other clamped over her mouth, and her shoulders were shaking.

 Frank felt his eyes mist up again and he pulled his top over his head before shedding the rest of his clothes and stepping into the cubicle behind her.

 “Hey…” He said gently, his hand dropping to her hip, the skin slick to his touch as she turned to face him. “Come’ere…”

 She went willingly, melting into his strong arms as they curled round her and she buried her face into his chest.

 “I’m sorry…I…” She sobbed and he simply held her close, her bare skin pressed to his as the water beat down on them both, his hands gently caressing her back.

 “Let it out, I got you…” his face pressed into her hair as he dropped a kiss to the crown of her head. “I got you…”

 How long he stayed there simply holding her, he had no idea. It was as if all time had stood still and nothing existed to him, nothing but the girl he was cradling in his arms. Eventually her breathing evened out and she pulled back slightly to look at him. Without a word she stood on her toes and pressed a soft, lingering kiss to his lips which he took, gratefully as he brushed her sodden hair off her face.

 “Turn around baby girl.” He said softly, and she looked at him, almost questioningly.

 “Trust me…” He assured her, and she did as she was told. Frank reached round for her shampoo, squeezed an amount onto his palm and gently began to work it into her hair. He felt her relax slightly, her shoulders dropping, the tension seeping out of her as he massaged her scalp softly, the apple and cinnamon notes from the suds rising up his nostrils went a long way to calming him too.

 ��That okay?” he asked her softly, and she gave a low hmmm in response, simply leaning back further so her head was almost laying against his shoulder. He felt her relax completely against him, the suds from her hair spreading to his chest. Eventually, when he’d lathered enough he gently dropped his head, the water running off his own hair onto her shoulder, as he gently spoke into her ear and asked if she was ready to rinse it off. She nodded and allowed him to guide her round so she was facing him, tipping her head back slightly against the stream from the shower and he reached up, brushing the shampoo away from her face and down her long hair, causing her to press against him.

 Eventually her hair was completely rinsed clear and he repeated the process with her conditioner, all the time making sure to talk to her, ask her what she wanted or needed, and she caught him by surprise slightly when she asked if she could return the favour. Nodding he turned around and dipped his head slightly as she gently wound her hands into his hair, nails scratching against his scalp. When she’d finished he turned back to face her, dropping his head to rinse out his hair.

 “You’re gonna get it in your eyes standing this way.” she said gently, as she looked up at him.

 “Don’t care.” He said, his hands gently resting on her hips. “Just wanna see you.” 

And he did. He drank her in, every singled damned detail. Her eyes, her nose, those little freckles that at first glance you might miss, her defined shoulders, that dip in her collar bone, the line the water was tracing between her breasts, the curve of her hips…fuck he was unashamedly aching for her now, something he knew she’d spotted but hadn’t commented on.  When he looked up he caught her eyes again, and she gently reached up with her hands, the pads of her fingers cupping his face through his short beard. He stayed still as she simply studied him, before she pulled his face down to hers where he captured her mouth in a soft, gentle kiss. He let her guide him, tell him how much she wanted, or how little she wanted, his hands simply splaying across the soft skin on her back. Eventually she pulled away and pressed her forehead to his collar bone, her hands slipping round his waist as she held onto him and he was happy to let her, simply basking in the fact she was seeking his comfort.  Eventually she pulled away and took his hand in hers, examining his fingers.

 “You’re pruned up.” She said softly and he chuckled.

 “So are you.” He pointed out, pressing a kiss to her wrist. “You ready to get out?”

She nodded, so Frank reached around her, turning off the shower before he opened the cubicle door and crossed the small bathroom, reaching for a towel which he quickly ran over his hair before he wrapped it around his waist. Lifting her robe off the hook behind the door, he held it out for her and she turned and slipped her arms into it. Frank leaned around, ensuring it was wrapped tightly around her whilst she did up the belt as he lifted another towel off the rack for her hair. He began to gently squeeze the water out of her long, auburn locks, tenderly drying her hair, hands softly rubbing over her scalp as once again she tipped her head back, eyes closed. Once he’d finished he dropped a kiss to her neck and guided her back through to the bedroom.

 Fliss made her way in as Frank shut the door behind them and she padded over towards the bed before she turned and looked at him.

 “What’s wrong?” he asked her.

“Nothing.” she said, “I was just thinking.” “What about?”

 “Something you said before about how you’re nothing special because you treat me normally.”

 “I’m not.”

 “Well that’s just it.” She stepped forward towards him “You are to me…no matter how many times you try and protest otherwise.”

 “Lissy…”

 “You know everything now, and you still want me…” her voice was nothing but a broken whisper and it made Frank’s heart ache.

 “Sweetheart, I’ll never not want you.” he own voiced cracked slightly.

 “Frankie, I just…” “Look, I promise you…” his nose bumped against hers. “Nothing you told me today changes the way I feel about you. How could it? You’re so strong, and brave and…”

 “I don’t feel it.” “Well you are.” he said, his hands cupping her face “Look at what you dealt with and came out the other side…please don’t ever worry about what I think of you, because honestly I think you’re the most amazing woman on the planet.” At that she smiled softly at him, as he dropped his lips to her neck, gently ghosting his mouth over her skin “And you’re mine…”

 “Promise?” She asked, her eyes fluttering shut.

 “Cross my heart.” He mumbled, gently kissing below her ear. He felt her give a soft shudder, which he took as an encouragement and gently continued his actions, tracing his mouth down her neck to where it met the soft towel of her robe. With deft hands he reached out, and gently undid the tie around her middle, causing the robe to gape open and he ran his fingers underneath the edges before he gently shrugged it off her shoulders. He placed a soft kiss to her collar bone as he felt her hands move between them, gently pulling the edge of the towel out from where it was tucked in on itself, dropping it to the floor.

 Tenderly he took her face in his hands and kissed her, softly, his tongue guiding her mouth open and she obliged, deepening the kiss slightly as her hands moved upwards, gently tangling in his hair at the nape of his neck. His movements slow and deliberate, Frank guided them her the last few steps over to the bed and laid her down, crawling over her, before his lips moved and he chained soft kisses across her jaw line, down her neck, through the valley between her breasts. He kissed the small burn scar that lay above her right hip, the origin of which he now knew,  then across towards her belly button, simply taking his god-damned time, making sure he worshiped every single inch of her body he could get his hands on. His fingers traced her thighs and then up her curves as he moved back upwards, before capturing her lips again in a soft kiss that grew more urgent, but still stayed tender as Frank poured every single emotion he was feeling into her, wanting her to understand how he felt, how much he loved her, how much that was not going to change no matter what. His hand flexed on her hip and she let out a soft moan into his mouth making him pull back slightly, and press his forehead to hers. "I love you." He said softly "I know." She replied, voice barely a whisper. “I love you too.”

His hand moved from her hip, sliding down between her legs as he simply remained where he was, his head pressed to hers and she let out a soft gasp at his touch as he gently worked her. Before long her hips started moving in time with his motions and when he slid his fingers inside of her, curling them slightly she let out a soft cry, her back arching slightly. He dipped his head, gently paying some attention to her beasts, his tongue circling her nipple, before he grazed it softly with his teeth, another action that had her crying out, begging him for more, for all of him. And he wanted to give her what she wanted, exactly what she wanted.

Moving slightly so he was fully over her, she parted her legs further to accommodate him and he took both her hands, lacing his fingers into his and gently laid them by her head as he lined himself up. With a slow, deliberate push forwards he sank into her, and she groaned, her head dropping backwards as he dropped his head slightly, the feel of her around him was almost enough to tip him over right there and then as every single sense in his body was on fire.

 He kept his movements slow, not thrusting, rolling, rocking softly into her over and over again, pressing his body to hers. Soft moans and whispers filled the room, his lips by her ears, telling her how good she was, how amazing she felt, how much he loved her, simply lavishing praise upon her, because she fucking deserved it.

 Eventually, no matter how hard he was trying to fight it, Frank could feel the ribbons in his belly starting to unravel, the familiar tightening across the base of his abdomen was growing stronger and stronger and he knew he couldn’t hold out for long.

 "Lissy..." He half whispered, half gasped into her ear, softly nipping at her pulse point as his hips continued their gentle, deep roll into her "I'm not sure how much longer... are you close baby girl? Please tell me you're close..." She didn't answer with words, instead he felt her tightening around him and he gave another groan as she let out a soft whimper. Then, he heard it, the soft sound of his name, "Frankie.." tumbling from her lips. He nudged her nose with his, making her look at him as she gave a soft moan before she tilted her head back and let out a gentle cry as her back arched, her fingers tightened around his, and she came, her eyes fluttering shut. The sight of her underneath him, giving in to him, coming undone was enough to make him tumble over the edge right after her, gently rutting up into her he felt himself go and his movements became disjointed as he groaned and came with a shudder, utterly blissed and consumed by her.

 Both of them lay still, shaking slightly with the afterglow, and Frank pressed his forehead to hers, his eyes locked straight onto hers, his hands still tangled in hers.

Hers.

Because that’s what he was. And she was his.

 “I love you.” He’d lost count of how much he’d said that over the course of the day but it didn’t matter, because he did, and he wanted her to know. As she wiggled her hands, he released them, dropping to his elbows as she gently ran the tips of her fingers up his spine and into his hair.

 “I love you too.” she replied softly, her eye shining as he leaned down to kiss her.

 When they’d recovered, Frank settled them down as he lay on his back, Fliss safely snuggled into him, head on his chest, arm thrown over his stomach, her leg draped over his. He held her close, simply nuzzling into her hair every so often. Eventually he felt her breathing drop slightly and he glanced down to see she’d fallen asleep. He lay awake for another good hour or so simply holding her as he stared into nothingness, occasionally glancing down to make sure she was still ok. He was struggling to switch off, it had been such an intense evening, and no matter how tired he felt physically, his mind was running ten to the dozen going over everything she had told him.

But, then he felt her stir besides him and he looked down at her, her eyelids were fluttering slightly as she was clearly dreaming, but a soft smile spread on her face as she nuzzled further into him, mumbling something incoherent, and that was it. He realised, she wasn’t having nightmares about it, which was something he’d been concerned about. So if she wasn’t, then why should he dwell on it anymore?

 It was done, he couldn’t change what she’d been through, but he could damned well make sure she never went through anything like that again.

 With a sigh, he gently kissed her head again and settled down against his pillow, finally allowing his mind to close off, and the tiredness catch up with him.

***** Chapter 16

[forsakenoathkeeper]

I Am Alive (chapter 17/?)

Chapter 17: The Bridge

Deviant!Connor[RK800] x (fem!)Reader Rated M(18+) for canon-typical violence and gore, medical procedures, and graphic sexual content

Chapters: 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • more coming soon

You can also read on AO3 & thank you for supporting me ♥

The following morning, after waddling out of bed to use the restroom, you returned to see Connor waiting for you, flat on his back, arms spread invitingly, eyes looking suspiciously drowsy, despite the obvious fact that he had no need for sleep. You could have laughed at the innocent, adoring look in his eyes, if he wasn't naked and if last night's events had not occurred.

You crawled back into bed, nuzzled your cheek into the divot right beneath his clavicle, and tangled your legs, humming with delight when he pulled the blankets back over you and wrapped his arms around your back, smothering you in the warmth you had created together throughout the night.

"The weather has been warming up," he commented into your hair.

"Mhm," you agreed tiredly.

"I'm tasked with walking Sumo today," he continued quietly.

"Mhm," you hummed again.

"If you would like to accompany me again, I was thinking we could go to that park you told me about: the one you loved when you were a child..."

You leaned back to look up into his eyes, surprised he had remembered that; Connor was an android, so of course he did. But, still... Just because he remembered something didn't mean he had to designate it as important.

"It's a bit of a drive from Hank's place," you commented quietly, peering up to catch his magnificent, brown eyes.

"I don't think Sumo would mind," Connor replied sincerely.

You laughed softly, laying your head back on his chest. His fingers found the perfect place in your lower back to rest and he relaxed against you. Even though he wasn't tired at all, he understood how much you valued sleeping in on your off days, and decided to give you just a few more minutes.

Besides, if he was being honest, he was enjoying this.

...

...

...

Connor drove while you sat in the backseat with Sumo, one hand on the leash and the other on his back to keep him calm. You stared out the window, feeling like a kid again as you relived a drive from a long time ago. Connor had, unintentionally, taken the same route, likely because his GPS informed him it was the most efficient.

You passed all sorts of familiar places: a school that still had the ridiculously hideous orange paint job, a bank that never finished repairing the north brick wall, and a tree in someone's front yard that had grown at a strange angle.

Back then, it was too far of a drive to take often. It was an occasional treat that your grandmother would bring you when she was in a good mood. Hank had taken you and Cole here once or twice for a holiday themed festival.

When Connor pulled into a parking spot, you were amazed to find the place hadn't changed much at all.

There was a lake in the center of the park with a massive bridge that swept over the narrowest point, connecting seamlessly with a path that circled around the park in winding roads. The water was shimmering blue, lily pads along the edges of the water beneath the bridge. Beautiful, towering trees and flowering bushes lined the walkways. There was lush green grass throughout the grounds, and not a weed in sight.

You couldn't help but wonder who maintained the park these days. It was no secret that androids had almost exclusively taken over landscaping jobs in recent years. That would have come to an end with the revolution. Yet, somebody was still taking care of the place.

Connor approached the back door hastily when you stepped out. You were still holding tightly onto Sumo's collar, keeping a close eye on him when he hopped at the car, drooling excitedly.

"I don't think this park is safe for you," Connor warned you sharply.

You looked up at him with a startle, wondering what it was that had worried him.

"I have detected a pollen in the air that you are allergic to. I fear the consequences on your respiratory systems," he explained hastily, looking deadly serious and concerned.

Your worried expression faltered and you coughed out a laugh. "Almost everyone in the world has hay fever, Connor," you explained with a smile. The android's harsh expression didn't immediately dissipate; however, he did appear confused by how lightly you took the situation.

"Come on. Don't worry. All that's gonna happen is some sniffling and sneezing," you insisted, excitedly taking hold of his hand. "I can handle some pollen."

The android was stiff for a second, likely reevaluating his findings on pollen allergies. ‘Sniffling and sneezing’, as you had put it, didn’t seem to be a particularly harmful side effect to air born allergies.

"If you are certain," he replied, seemingly put at ease by your explanation.

Connor took the leash from your other hand and directed Sumo to the path ahead. The vehicle locked with an assuring beep as you walked away and he tucked the keys into his pants pocket.

The android found himself feeling oddly proud of the look you were wearing. Your touch on his hand had loosened as you took in the sights, feeling overwhelmed by nostalgia.

"I'm so glad you suggested this," you breathed as you approached the bridge.

You let go of Connor's hand and started trotting to get a head start. He was patient and let Sumo set the pace before eventually joining you at the highest point on the bridge, the top of the curve, and the very center. You leaned against the railing and looked over into the water.

Last time you were here, you were too small to see over the edge. Now, you easily could look into the shimmering waters below. Sumo came to a halt, as well, and stuck his face through the railing to look below. Connor would have been worried about the dog trying to jump; luckily, he was too wide to fit even if he tried.

The bridge creaked quietly beneath your feet with each step. Connor joined your side and leaned against the railing. The water beneath was almost perfectly clear. He could see a swarm of colorful fish frolicking, splashing about, clearly hoping that you were going to provide them with food.

The sun was poking out of the pale white clouds above, providing some warmth against the slight chill in the breeze. The trees rattled softly, leaves making a beautiful symphony. Some children were playing soccer in the field on the other side of the lake, laughing joyously. Some older ladies were sitting at a bench, reading together in silence. Couples were jogging together along the trails.

He felt more at peace with the world than he had in a long time.

Connor shifted his eyes away from the ambiance and took in your face. You looked as blissful as he felt, staring blindly ahead, the wind brushing through your hair and the sun's warmth tinting your cheeks pink. You took in a deep breath, as if it was the most delicious thing you had ever tasted.

"I love you," Connor said, so softly that you briefly considered that you had hallucinated.

Startled, your head whipped over to look at him. The look in his eyes, the burning adoration as the sun shimmered in his brown orbs, told you that you hadn't imagined his words.

"I wanted to tell you the night that you learned my manufactured purpose," he confessed with a soft smile. "But, I was afraid you wouldn't think it was sincere." You stared at him, eyes stinging and lips parted. "I'm not certain that I know what love is. But, I'm certain it is what I feel for you."

The soft look in the android's eyes morphed into concern when he saw a tear cascade down your cheek. You hastily lifted a hand to wipe it away, sniffling.

"I was supposed to say it first," you teased, trying to ease the emotions bubbling up. You dragged your sleeves across your face, trying to catch the tears as they fell.

"I love you, too," you whimpered, looking up at him with tear-stained eyes.

You felt something big and wet smear against the side of your knee and looked down to see Sumo nudging you with his nose. You huffed out a pathetic laugh. "I'm okay, Sumo."

Connor looked grateful when you looked back up at him, as if he hadn't anticipated you to reciprocate.

"I love you so much, Connor," you proclaimed, sniffling as you tried to hold back tears. You wiped your face hastily when more droplets began to fall.

"Please, don't cry," the android said, almost sadly, stepping in so close that he had to crane his neck to look down at you.

You doubted that he was aware that the face he was wearing was making it nearly impossible to stop crying. He looked so helplessly in love, and that face was looking at you - his brown eyes staring at you, that LED shining stunning gold as he worried about you.

All you could do was wonder what you had done to deserve such a thing - the love and adoration of this android, of this being you held in such high regard. He couldn’t have been more perfect if he tried.

"I'll cry if I want to," you huffed, hoping some attitude would calm you down.

Connor's forehead nuzzled against your temple. "I love you," he said again, and you recognized that tone as one of disobedience. Once, he believed that androids - machines - couldn't feel anything, couldn't want anything. That extended to himself, to what he thought were his own limitations. Yet, in that moment, Connor was strangely pleased that his confession had brought you to tears.

"Connor," you whimpered, scoldingly.

He didn't want you to be sad, to hurt, to suffer; but, these were tears of happiness. They were strangely beautiful, that you could feel so strongly for him. For whereas you saw Connor in a bright light that shined above all others, he saw himself as just another living being in the world, one of millions of androids.

-and, somehow, he found you before anyone else could.

"I love you," he said again, uttering the words against your cheek proudly.

You smacked a hand against his chest harmlessly, huffing, "I love you more."

"That's statistically impossible," he replied softly, apparent tease in his tone. "I assure you, my affections are stronger."

He smirked when you started grinning at him. "I will fight you, android," you huffed pathetically, laughing and crying at the same time.

"You don’t stand a chance against me," Connor teased quietly.

His free hand caressed your cheek and you felt his thumb brush along your skin, smearing tears. "I’ll show you," you retorted softly, eyes fluttering shut as you tried to will yourself to stop crying.

You felt his lips fall onto your forehead, the stubble on his chin prickly against your skin. For a second, you let yourself get lost in the moment, and felt his words repeat, echoing inside your head. It felt like you were living a dream, and you never wanted to wake up.

When you heard a distinctive tapping sound beneath you, you looked down to see Sumo had started walking away, his nails clicking against the wood of the bridge. Connor leaned away from you when he felt the leash tug on his hand. You flashed him a smile and then started following after the saint bernard, glancing at the android over your shoulder.

He followed without hesitation, stepping in so close that his shoulder smacked against yours. You met halfway, hand clasped tight and fingers interlacing, a gesture that had become natural. The moment hadn't faded, but your desire to cry subsided. Connor's hand felt warm and all you could think about was what wonderful things were to come.

"On our way back to Hank's place, let's get takeout," you said, changing the subject. "That man can't use chopsticks and that's simply a crime."

"Nothing that some positive reinforcement can't fix," Connor agreed.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Dear Diary.

Ruggie is the real MVP in this entire thing.

Dear Diary,

At last, Ruggie has returned with one of my notebooks, my quill, and a fresh inkwell. I think I shall go mad in Savanaclaw without my precious writing materials.

While it is true that they provide for my basic needs, there is not much to do in these parts. I think I mildly understand why they were upset with Uncle for not accommodating to their demands. Still, I do not believe there was a need to resort to violence.

The students of Savanaclaw... I do not find myself comfortable around them. They are always making a loud racket or starting a brawl in broad daylight. I hate to be alone with them, but one way or another, they someone always has their eye on me, their “golden canary" in a cage.

Especially that Leona-san.

I have heard whispers that he is the second born prince of the Afterglow Savanna, but he is not “princely” at all. He is lazy, prideful, rude... The nicest thing he has done so far is ignore me when he is not parading me around in public.

That is just fine, because I ignore him as well. Or at least I try to. There is no point of keeping up a farce when we are in private.

I do not see why the students of Savanaclaw follow him like loyal dogs; He’s not the sort of leader I’d want to bend to.

... I say that, but... Circumstances being as they are, I have had no choice but to do as he says. For the past few days (or is it weeks? I seem to have lost track of time here) now, Leona-san has been dragging me around campus to irritate Uncle, to goad him into handing Savanaclaw the funds they were promised.

Uncle is upset. He tries to bargain with Leona-san time and time again, but is shot down every time. All the squawking has attracted the stares of the others students. They have started to whisper about “the raven and the lion”.

... That phrase makes me uneasy.

I hope Uncle is able to pick me up soon. I don’t know how long this ink will last, or when Ruggie will be willing to bring me more.

While I wait... I think I shall brainstorm up a new story to get my mind off of this sweltering savannah. Perhaps something with flowers ro liven up the place.

Dear Diary,

Somehow, it has consistently fallen to me to locate Leona-san and prod him until he agrees to attend classes. It sounds like a simple task in theory, but I assure you that it is not.

Leona-san is not only far larger than me, but also far more muscular. I can pull him and poke him all I like, but he does not readily budge. I’ve had to strategize and plan my methods of attack.

Some things I find to be effective for waking him up:

Tickling his nose with a spare feather.

Splashing his face with some cold water.

Waving a sprig of broccoli or a slice of cucumber at him.

... Did you know, diary? Leona-san drools. It gets his hair stuck to his face and plastered all over. Leona-san snores, too. Other times, he sleeps in such a state of peace and tranquility that I doubt it is the same lion.

At least when he is asleep, his arrogant mouth is shut.

A wild sleeping beauty among the dusty savanah.

Dear Diary,

I cannot even attend classes anymore without feeling a pair of eyes on me. Some Savanaclaw student herds me over to Magift Club practice as soon as lectures end.

I’m forced to sit in the stands until Leona-san finishes up and hauls me back to the dorm. Sometimes I watch, and other times I work on my latest story, The Flower Magus and the Scorned Knight.

I’m not a fan of Magift, diary. This raven can barely fly on her own in this human form. To use flight for sport... I do not entirely understand it myself, but I feel as though I have come to appreciate it a bit more from those long hours of Magift practice.

Leona-san mounts his broom in a very odd manner. You would normally straddle the broom between your legs, correct? Yet he casually stands on it as though it were a surfboard...? It looks to be rather dangerous, but he handles it with ease.

I have seen him running, too—mowing his opponents down with mighty magic. It’s strange how Leona-san can move with such grace and speed--in the mornings, he is nothing more than a lumpy sack of potatoes lazing about in bed. Who would have thought? Instead of a crown of gold and jewels, it is a crown of sweat that he wears.

... I have made it a habit to pack a small towel or a handkerchief to offer after practice. It is not that I am concerned for his health (he seems to be in a state where he is well enough to make snappy remarks and boss me around), but... I figure it is only the polite thing to do, since he is working hard for once.

Putting forth effort in something—anything—is to be admired.

I have often thought that Leona-san was nothing more than a pretty face, but this hard-working side to him is also tolerable.

If only he were like this all of the time.

Dear Diary, 

I asked Ruggie if there were any interesting spots in Savanaclaw for me to sit and observe. I am in desperate need of inspiration, for I am stuck in the middle of The Flower Magus and the Scorned Knight. With a little laugh, he suggested that I spend the afternoon with Leona-san.

“You write about princes and princess or whatever, right? Leona-san call tell ya about how all that stuff’s not all it’s cracked to be, nishishishi!”

He vanished for his day of odd jobs and left me for the wolves—or should I say for the lion?

I found Leona-san lounging in his bedroom, as per usual. He was, surprisingly, not taking another 20 hour cat nap—he was fiddling with a chess board and its pieces. I didn’t take him to be the type to play such a game, and I told him as much.

Leona-san seemed wounded at the insinuation. He challenged me to a game right then and there. Chess was far from how I thought I would be spending today, but I figured it was better than nothing.

... Somehow, I lost.

Not just once, not just twice.

Countless times.

With each consecutive loss, Leona-san’s maddening smirk widened. He must take great pleasure in putting me in my place—and that thought is irksome.

I would claim he was cheating but... every move he made was effortless, done in the blink of an eye. When woud Leona-san have had time to scheme? Surely it could not be his natural ability.

Surely not.

I lost track of my losses at some point. The sun was dipping into the horizon by then. The light spilling into the room, all red and orange and yellow. How had all that time passed in the blink of an eye? How had the hours slipped away like that?

The Flower Magus and the Scorned Knight laid on the floor, princes and princesses forgotten for the day.

“Your bark is worse than your bite, canary.” Leona-san had said, claiming another checkmate. “Next time, think before you speak.”

I had no words to throw back at his smug face.

What followed was silence; awkward and long, and only disrupted by a sigh.

“Stop making that face. It’s annoying,” he had commanded, bending to retrieve my notebook and slapping it back into my hands. “You’re bad at chess, so go do something else wih your time. Write or whatever.”

... Was that his way of comforting me?

If so... if certainly didn’t seem like it. Leona-san is even more terrible at conveying his true emotions than I am.

... Ah.

It seems... that there is more to him that meets the eye.

To think that a lion so bold and brash... also boasts of beauty, brawn, and brains...

Hmm.

The perfect inspiration for the Scorned Knight’s character. Perhaps I could work with this.

I shall have to properly pen the story sometime. Once Ruggie returns from his odd jobs, I will put in another request for ink, as I am almost out.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “Comic-con.”

You guys wanted something fluffier and lighthearted, so I took a suggestion from a group of the Discord server, and did this with it I hope you guys like, and thank you for the suggestions.  “Where are you taking me? And why am I wearing this?”

Adam frowned at her, “Don’t be such a party pooper, I took you to watch MMA last week, and now its my turn to pick the fun activity.”

Sunny held up the glowing weapon --of facsimile of a weapon--, “What is this called again.”

“It’s an energy sword, from a really REALLY old video game.”

“And what are you supposed to be.”

Adam turned to look at her, shaking his head in disappointment, “Sometimes, I am sad for your lack of pop culture education.”

“And whose fault is it for my lack of pop culture education?”

He tapped his chin, “I suppose that is true.” 

“To be fair the pop culture you subscribe to is like two thousand years old.” She looked him up and down. He was wearing a spacesuit and a jetpack. This might have been normal for him were it not for the painstaking hours that he had spent painting the thing and applying decals.

Where the standard issue UNSC space - suit ranged anywhere from white to silver to dark blue, this one was in a gaudy combination of white with green and purple highlights with a blue decal on the front embossed with the outline of stylized white wings. Under that, he had taken the time to dye one of the old undersuits purple, and was now wearing the hood to complete ‘the affect’

“Seriously though. What are You?”

He turned to look at her grinning and patted her on the shoulder, “Just wait.”

She sighed and did as told following him out of the underground parking lot and up into the sun. She threw her hand over her face as they came up into the sun, and when she withdrew her hand, she found herself surrounded by hundreds of humans all walking towards the same destination, and all of them were dressed, strangely… she couldn’t tell which ones for sure, because humans always seemed to dress strangely, but something bout this gave her the feeling that these ones were doing it on purpose..

At her side, Adam was grinning.

Following the line of people her eyes traced up to the large, and spacious building just up ahead. The walls were made out of metal and glass paneling, and across their surface scrolling scenes from movies and comic strips flashed.

Off to her side, a man in a blue and red suit, with a big yellow S on the front went floating past, his hover boots giving him the effect as if he were flying, red cape billowing out behind him.

Someone else to their side was walking a rather large brown dog towards the building. It had a teel collar and a couple of painted on black spots, while he was wearing a  green shirt and brown pants. He looked like he really needed a haircut.

Sunny tilted her head to better read the letters on the building before her.

J. HAIL CONVENTION HALL 

They were just outside the doors when someone ran up to them. THey looked younger, maybe in their teens, dressed with an elaborately colored wig, and strange colorful clothes, “Holy Shit! Your costumes are awesome, Can I get a picture?”

“Hell yeah.” Adam motioned the kid closer, pulling Sunny down beside them so the kid could grab a picture and then turn to look at Sunny, “How did you make it look so real. You look just like the Drev from that movie.” 

She stared at him before looking down at herself.

Adam laughed, “It looks real because it IS real.”

The kid stared at them in disbelief, “No way.”

“Yeah she's a real life actual alien.”

Eyes went even wider, I...w...wow.” 

Sunny shrugged and waved one of her arms to the kid as Adam dragged her further up the line.

“Here, hold out your hand.” She did as told and he wrapped a small plastic bracelet around her wrist. The letters on the band read VIP

Walking over to the doors they were stopped by a group of people holding up their hands. One of them walked around them, and pointed at Adam’s jetpack, “YOu have a licence for that?”

“As a matter of fact, I do.” 

He reached into one of the pockets on his suit and pulled it out to show them. THey looked it over and then nodded, and he grinned. Tey read off some rules before they were suddenly interrupted.

Voices behind them, and Sunny turned.

A group of people walked up, one of them was dressed like a cowboy with a yellow shirt and blue pants, with a brown hat.

Another human in a blow up dinosaur costume pointed at Adam’s uniform,

“And what does that button do.”

Adam grinned, and Sunny watched him with a fond shake of her head as he approached them, putting on some sort of character voice.

“Ill show you.” Looking around to make sure that everyone was clear, he deployed the wings of the jetpack, striped in red and white.

The group oohed and ahhed.

THe cowboy moved forward, “Oh what, these are plastic, he can’t fly.”

“They are a trillium carbonic alloy and I CAN fly.”

“No you can’t”

“Yes I can.”

“Can’t.”

“CAN.”

“Can’t Can’t Can’t.”

“I could fly around this convention center with my eyes closed.”

Sunny just stood there watching them nervously shifting back and forth. She had a feeling that they were arguing, but it also felt very scripted, though how it could be scripted, she didn’t know. They had never seen these people as far as she was concerned.

The other man moved very close, “Ok then my light beer, prove it.”

“Alright then, I will.”

He held out his hands voice growing a bit more serious as he did, “Everyone step back.”

They did as told, and the cowboy was smiling now instead of frowning.

“Adam, is this legal.” Sunny wondered.

He turned to look at her, “Yes, the convention center has its own airspace just for this. I had to sign a waver.” He turned back to the others and ignited the engin on the jetpack kicking off the ground.

His flight was far more controlled than his original flight, and he flew in a fast circle around the area, dropping in with a flip to land before them to the cheering of an amassed crowd.

He pointed at the cowboy, “CAN.”

“That wasn’t flying, that was falling with style.” The man protested though he was grinning even as he walked over to take a picture with Adam.

“Pretty sure that made my day, your costume is awesome. Is this a real spacesuit.”

“You bet it is.”

“Where did you get your hands on one.”

“Oh I have my sources. Did you make your costume?”

“Sewed it myself. The hat and boots I bought though.”

They parted ways with Adam’s new friend and stepped inside the convention center scanning their bracelets as they went in.

“Welcome, Sunny to the biggest nerd convention ever conceived of by man...ComicCon.”

She turned in a wide circle eyes wide at thousands of booths, thousands of people all talking and laughing. He grabbed her hand and dragged hr further inside, “IF your good, I’ll buy you a sword.”

“Nerds want swords?”

He raised an eyebrow at her, “Of course nerds want swords. Here, lets start over there and movie this way, through the art section first.”

Sunny did as told, following after him.

She never knew Adam being one to spend a lot of money, he had no reason too, but after the first ten minutes she figured out that he was a little bit of a spender when it came to nerdy things. Posters and drawings and other related items.

However, she was surprised to find that they did have leather workers and blacksmiths as they were called, and she did…. In fact… get herself a sword which she recognized from the lord of the rings movie he had made her watch. It was a pretty good sword all things considered as if whoever made it actually knew how to make swords.

They were coming around a corner when they almost ran into another group of people. Adam dropped one of his bags and the other reached down to pick it up. When he stood, Sunny's eyes widened. Blond hair green eyes and an eyepatch, “Sweet Costume!”

She shook herself thinking she had bumped her head or something and was seeing double, but no, when she looked closer she realised that this person couldnt have been more than fifteen or sixteen…. And dressed like Adam.

She looked over at Adam who was standing mouth open eyes wide.

“Can I get a picture!”

Sunny just nodded her head as the kid jumped over next to her and had his friend take it before running off yelling back at her about her amazing costume.

Adam turned to look at Sunny, “Did I just>”

“I think you did.”

He shook himself, “Wow.”

She nodded 

After that it started happening more and more. 

Adam was everywhere, in all stages of life. They had recreated his uniforms, his flight suits, his space suits. They brought their dogs. There were even gender bent versions of him, blond women wearing eyepatches, brown jackets and jeans making it very clear who they were .

It got even more weird when Sunny started seeing herself.

Small children in costumes made of foam.

People wearing onesies that sort of looked like her, and even one costume that had a woman on stilts for her legs, and a complex system of homemade mechanics to allow her to move around.

Adam stood there mouth open just staring at them.

Sunny laughed at the irony.

He was here as a guest, and no one knew.

If only they had any idea that the real deal was here and dressed like a space ranger from a two thousand year old cartoon.

Sunny tilted her head listening to the announcements which said there would be a “Adam Vir look alike contest going on on the other side of the convention.

She turned to look at Adam and they  both began to laugh hysterically. She grabbed his arm. We have to see this.

They wandered over just as the others were filtering in. And there were TONS of them, all dressed like Adam. One stopped next to him, spiky blond hair, clearly dyed for the occasion, wearing a flight suit and aviators.

Adam Tried to avoid eye contact with anyone as they sat down to watch, however no one recognized him, not even close.

They sat, watching the judging.

An adorable little boy with blond hair and a NASA T-shirt won for the younger age bracket.

The jumpsuit wearing kid to their right won for his teenage years.

At the end it was up between two men, one in casual wearing and one in a uniform. The one wearing the uniform had a similar lopsided grin as Adam and she would have chosen him as a dead ringer, and was almost put off when they chose the other man, who was, on the other hand, roguishly handsome.

She snorted, “He looks nothing like you.”

“But he does look like Keith Jenning who played me, so I guess people sort of conflate us as being the same person.”

“This is so unreal.”

They laughed again as they walked away sunny pointing out he probably would have lost the contest if he had tried to enter, and he laughed along with her.

THey were perusing through a booth with a bunch of old vintage movies when another announcement came over the intercom, saying that the cast of Adam’s movie was going to be speaking.”

Adam’s eyes widened, and together they made their way wanting to see what all the fuss was about. There were hundreds of people packed into the large room, and they were only able to get space just along one wall.

Up at the table, he recognized Keith Jenning, Rita. Ortiz, and Adler Handen, the voice actor for Krill and the woman who played Sunny.

Adam leaned back against the wall to watch.

Keith didn’t look anything like Adam at this moment, his hair back to brown like it usually was.

Hands raised in the crowd as questions were shot out, “What was the hardest part of playing Adam Vir?”

Keith laughed and then paused, “I think it might have been the eyepatch. I stubbed my toe like…. What was it Rita, we kept track on set.”

“About 456 times during the course of filming.” She added, and the group of them laughed.

“How accurate is the story to what actually happened?” Someone called out

Adler Handen leaned forward, “You know it was actually pretty accurate because Adam Vir was actually consulting through the whole process, though I think it is glammed up to make him look maybe a little more….”

“Poised.” Rita added, “Ellis gave him a bit of an action hero spin.”

“What is he actually like?”

Keith smiled as did Rita, “He’s hilarious, and kind, and a bit of a clutz I would say.”

Rita laughed, “That is one part of the movie that is inaccurate. I think they should have put it in, but he was like the last man to step onto Proxima B, and when he did he says he actually fell out of the shuttle and landed on his face.”

There was laughter from the crowd.

“Honestly a really modest guy all told.

“He has the personality of a golden retriever…. In a good way obviously.” Rita said

Keith had stood up from his palace at the table and was looking around the crowd for more questions, when his eyes fell on Adam and Sunny not a few rows away leaning against the wall.

The recognition was instantaneous, despite them not having seen for a long time. He pointed his eyes wide, “Adam…. Adam is that you. Sunny?”

The entire crowd turned and thousands of eyes fell on them.

Adam was stuck like a deer in the headlights hands held up.

“No way It IS YOU. Someone grab a chair and get him up here.” 

Rita stood in her seat and waved.

Now people were standing to get a good look at them as two security people motioned them up.

Adam was bright red in the face as he was pushed to come on stage. The people looked confused, but when Adam pulled off his hood, and pulled on his eyepatch the entire convention center began cheering.

“Yeah give the man a round of applause.” Keith said pulling out a chair for him to sit on while Rita did the same for Sunny.

Adam shifted awkwardly in his seat.

“Nice costume, is that from Toy story?”

Adam shrugged, ‘Yeah, or the Tv show I guess.”

Someone hurried over with another microphone as the crowd below continued to babble and point.

Keith leaned forward, “Did I mention he was a raging nerd. Did you wear the costume to hide or….”

Adam shook his head, “No, I've been coming to the convention since I was a kid.”

There was cheering in the crowd.

Hands were raised high into the air for questions, and Adam blinked a bit red in the face still.

“Is it true what they said about Proxima B?”

Adam smiled, “uh yeah I fell flat on my face, right out the door. You see the movie had a ramp, but a ot of our ships don’t have ramps, they have doors because it would kind of be…. Impractical to have a whole ramp opening up into an airlock. So instead it had a door and stairs. And I got so excited that I missed the second stair and just fell.

“How accurate is the rest of the movie?”

He shrugged, still blushing, “They did make me look a little more… heroic, than I actually am. I mean there is a little known fact among members of the UNSC that doing a warp without a warp dampener like we did on the Enterprise was…. How shall we say… extremely hard on the body. About fifty percent of the men on the bridge peed themselves and passed out.”

There was laugher from the crowd.

“Were you part of the fifty percent?”

He snorted, “ I was nineteen of COURSE I was part of the fifty percent. Captain Kelly had a bladder of Iron though.”

More laughter.

“And when it came to meeting with aliens for the first time, I was so excited that I ran after them right….. Well as it turns out, to the aliens it looked really, really bad. Like they thought I was going to eat them.” More laughter, “We are still trying to repair human/Bran relations five years later because of me.”

More questions.

“What is your funniest story, something that didn’t appear in the movie?”

Adam had to think about it for a minute, “Did  I ever tell you about the first time we met Iotins or the Celzex.”

Cheering in the crowd,.

“Ok ok, so The one thing you need to know about Iotins is that they smell good, and I don’t mean your girl’s perfume good, I mean like continental breakfast with bacon and eggs and potatoes and I don’t know what else.” Sunny smiled as she listened to the sound of the crowd’s amusement, “This is the kind of smell that turns you into one of pavlov’s Dogs. Drooling all over yourself stomach grumbling the whole nine. So when we met them for the first time, it was during a GA convention and my men hadn’t eaten since breakfast. It was so bad, I drooled all over my uniform and we scared the Iotin council half to death.”

He smiled as the crowd encouraged him into more stories.

“Then of course there is the Celzex, a very war-like race, very honor bound and very easy to offend. And yet they are about a foot tall rainbow colored, fluffy and with  adorable pig ears. These guys were designed to be cuddled, and yet, not one human has ever done it for fear of pissing them off since they have weapons that could glass our entire planet.”

He was Animated as he told his stories, and the crowd was animated with him

“Sunny, i have a question.” She lifted her head in surprise, “Is it true you grew up in a stone hut/”

She hummed deep in her chest, “Yes, where else would I have grown up.”

“So you didn’t have electricity?”

She shook her head, “No, why would we need it?”

She answered a few more questions.

And then one young man stood.

“So, I was wondering, you supported the LFIL during their protests.”

Adam shifted nervously in his seat, “I did.”

“And it’s because of you that they are in a probationary state of legality.”

“Yes.”

.”“So I was wondering, considering all that and considering your relationship with Sunny. Have you tow ever thought about dating.” Adam blanched white and you could have heard a pin drop.

Sunny glanced quickly over at adam. A part of her really wanted him to admit it to people, but another part of her-- the bigger part-- knew that doing it here in front of thousands of people would be a disaster. He opened his mouth to stammer out a question but Sunny leaned forward towards her mic.

“You misunderstand Drev courting customs. He would have to be able to beat me in a fight first.

Factions of the room muttered, and Sunny quickly moved the conversation on to more Funny stories.

Adam turned his head towards her with a look of relief.

With her head turned form the cameras she gave him a brief wink before turning back.

They didn’t exactly get to see the rest of the convention as they were waylaid by people wanting autographs and to talk to him. He of course was good natured and answered all their questions with a smile and gave pictures with enthusiasm.

She smiled

He was kind like that.

Thought some worries gnawed at the back of her mind.

People were beginning to suspect, and that could be a big problem for Adam.

[gingrrfrog]

this must be my dream

a second part :D because loved the last Johnny request I made so much 🥺

you can find the first part....here! 

also...this is smut because .... im johnny’s wh*re 

You shoved Johnny onto your bed, lips reconnecting as you hovered over him, moaning into his mouth as he ripped off your skirt and flipped you onto his back. You grinned down at him when he moaned at the lack of underwear, wasting no time to connect his lips to your throbbing center, sucking happily on your clit before pulled away to bite kisses onto your thighs. 

“I know this is kind of late but is this okay?” He asked timidly, his strong arms resting on either side of your head as he watched you fiery eyes. You nodded eagerly, sighing when his lips reached for your neck. 

“I want you,” you moaned, your hands scratching down his back. 

“I want you,” Johnny smiled, reaching into his underwear. 

“Fuck, Johnny—“

You jolted awake at the sound of your alarm, gasping as you sat up in your room, the empty room greeting you as you pushed sweaty hair away from your face. You touched your cheeks, shaking your head in embarrassment as they burned at your palms, shoving the blankets off as you made towards your bathroom to shower. 

You and Johnny had managed to get along more than you had expected, resulting in an unprecedented friendship. You tried to keep your face as stern as usual, but it was hard when you made eye contact with the other man across the room, who would stick out his tongue or gag whenever your boss spoke, making you stifle a giggle into your coffee cup. 

The two of you agreed to carpool, one week being you and the other being his, opting to spend more time with each other to prepare for whatever hell your boss would only subject to you and not your work friend.

Johnny was kind hearted, gentle despite his size and build, and thoughtful. He listened to your concerns with genuine interest as he would try to make you feel better earnestly by taking you out to a bar to drink away issues or to just sit in a car and eat ice cream. He was a good friend, only making you feel guilty that you were so quick to judge him before. 

However, you never saw him as anything other than just a friend, so your dream from this morning comes to a shock to you, feeling a bit uncomfortable as you try to shake the thought from your head. You’d be stupid to say that Johnny wasn’t attractive, because that wasn’t the case at all. In fact, Johnny was…incredibly attractive. He was tall, but muscular. His proportions were perfect, broad shoulders to long legs, as he looked perfect in his work suit and in casual wear when you hung out during the weekend. But to find…Johnny…sexually…

“Oh God, gross,” you deflect, shuddering while you dried your hair. 

You pull on your clothes quickly, running around your apartment to gather your bag and your necessities for the day as you grabbed your keys. It was your week to carpool this time around, but seeing that today was Friday, Johnny’s week would be this upcoming Monday. 

You sat in your car and texted Johnny that you were on your way, turning the ignition to start and pulling out of the parking garage, driving the now familiar route to his apartment as you parked in front of his building. 

He was already waiting at the front entrance, a wide smile on his face as he carried a cup of coffee, opening the car door with his free hand before dropping inside. 

“Good morning!” He greeted cheerily, handing you his cup, “here, try this.”

“What…is it?”

“Coffee, weirdo.” Johnny smiled, watching you take a sip from the cup and frowning when a strange aftertaste hit your tongue. 

“Johnny…is this Irish cream?”

“Surprise!’

“Are you trying to kill me?” You gagged, shoving the cup back into his hands. 

“There’s nothing wrong with a little day drinking,” He defended, taking a sip out of the discarded cup. “It’s Friday.”

“It’s fucking 10 am.”

“On a Friday.” 

You roll your eyes and put your attention to driving, chatting with Johnny about the night before. He told you nothing eventful happen after you both left work last night, and that he contemplated adopting a dog when he got home. He didn’t get very far, apparently, as he remembered the pet fee in his building. 

You really didn’t pay much attention to him, your mind wandering as you gave out supportive oh’s and really? At stoplights, you would watch his hands and how they flexed on his thighs, veins apparent as he fisted and relaxed them every time he was trying to make a point. 

You wonder how they would feel around your throat. 

“Oh fuck—“ You blinked, snapping out of your reverie when you heard a car honk at you for staying still at a green light. Johnny laughed at you and wondered why your head was in the clouds today as you blamed it on the rainy weather. 

“Do you still want to go out to the bars tonight?” He asked innocently, gauging your response as your nodded. 

“Sure. Right after work or…?”

“We can go home to freshen up if you want. Get rid of your old lady outfit.”

You pouted, looking down at your outfit, “you think I look like an old lady?”

“Maybe…not an old lady. Maybe an angry, hot librarian.”

You snort, side glancing at the man sat next to you, “you think I’m hot?”

Johnny cleared his throat before placing his coffee in the cup holder. Perhaps the alcohol in the Irish creme was incriminating him, “I’m not blind.”

Before either of you could dwell on it any longer, you arrived at the parking garage at the company, stepping outside the muggy air as you walked together towards the entrance. Of course, due to Johnny’s popularity, he was often pulled to the side to talk about weekend plans. The secretaries at the front desk made sure to pull him over to talk about a party they were having and that they were inviting him, only for Johnny to pull you by your shoulder and ask if you were invited too. 

You stared at your feet, trying to pull away from the man’s hold only to have him pull you closer. The secretaries had no choice but to invite you, awkwardly laughing and hoping for Johnny to come, even though you both knew that you had plans for that weekend. 

Following into the elevator, you had the rare chance of sharing it alone to yourselves, watching the numbers increase. 

“Why did you ask them to invite me?” You asked in a small voice. 

Johnny blinked, tilting his head, “why wouldn’t I? I want you to come.”

“I thought we were going to see a movie that same night?”

The other man brightened, a smile on his face, “oh yeah! I forgot! Never mind, I’ll just tell them we’re not going.”

You wanted to tell Johnny that he could always reschedule the movie if he wanted. You didn’t want to hold him down if he wanted to have fun at a party, but before you could say anything, the doors to the elevator opened and you had switched to the same, cold, finance director. 

The way your desks were set up, you were on one corner of the office while Johnny’s desk was sat on the other side of the office, facing you but leaving a small sliver in between the wall and his computer monitor for him to peek at you. You found yourself looking at that peek more now, as he would send you silent messages with his face or handwritten notes on his small whiteboard. You happened to peer over when your boss was talking to him, watching as he nodded his head and looked at the screen. Your eyes strained to look at the tiniest of notes, giggling when you saw a small help me :( . 

“Y/n?”

You jumped at the sound of Doyoung calling for you, standing next to your desk as you blinked at your assistant director, “oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You shook you head, smiling at him, “No, it’s fine. Is there something you need?”

Johnny finished his conversation with the section chief to look back over at you, hoping to send you an annoyed face from his last conversation only to see you engaged with whatever Doyoung was telling you. He watched the gentle curve of your nose and cheeks, noticing how anytime you had a suggestion you would tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. His heart threatened to stop when he saw you smile, a small but bright smile that sent his brain into hysterics, the same smile that made him dizzy and the same smile that was always followed with a touch to his shoulder. 

His eyebrows furrowed when your face turned serious, watching as Doyoung sat next to you to look over something. What were you talking about? Was it serious? Is something wrong? Johnny watched as you stood up, taking Doyoung’s shoulder and walking away from your desk  and leading him to a secluded section. Johnny swallowed harshly and grimaced at the jealousy settling in his stomach, leaning against his chair and only hoping that you would tell him later on to help settle his nerves. 

“How are you holding up?” You asked Doyoung gently. No one was around the lounge during the first few hours of work, everyone working intensely on deadlines to be thinking about taking a break. All except your assistant director, who was tired as he was saddened by recent events in his life. 

“I’m..here, I guess. My brother is feeling better, thankfully. My mom, however…”

You bit you lip, “Doyoung, you know you can ask me if you need some time off, right? I understand. I can pick up extra work. Everyone loves you, we want to make sure you’re okay,”

“I would hate to put you in that position though—“

“I would hate to put you in a position where you had to pick between your family and your job,” you interrupted. “Seriously, if you need to take a few days, start today. It’s not like we’re ever short staffed in the finance department anyway.”

“You sure?”

“Positive,” you gave a smile, wrapping your arms around his waist as he hugged your shoulders. “Get some rest, you need it. Let me know when you feel better.”

“Thank you.” 

You pat Doyoung on the back, squeezing his arm as you watched him leave. You turned around and bumped into Johnny, cursing again as you squeezed your eyes shut. 

“Fuck, Johnny,” you hissed. The taller man laughed and walked towards the coffee machine. 

“Sorry. I needed a pick-me-up that wasn’t alcoholic,” he lied. There wasn’t anything he hated more than office coffee. 

“So do I,” you sighed, leaning against the counter and rubbing your temples. You smiled when Johnny handed you the first cup, his hand resting on the back of your neck as he squeezed gently. You smiled at the touch, leaning into his hold as you took a sip. 

“Everything okay?”

“Everything is okay,” you reassured, a gentle smile on your lips. “Don’t worry.”

It was that same smile again. Johnny bit his tongue to fight the urge to pull you into a kiss, what with you mewling in his hand. He took a deep breath instead, rubbing your back before he pulled away to grab his own coffee. 

“Shall we?” He asked, prompting his way out the door. 

You frowned, not ready for the work that was waiting for you now that you were down a person, “we might as well.” 

The end of the work shift rolled around faster than you expected, instantly grateful for a fast work day as they were rare the more you worked. You glanced over at Johnny before walking over to his desk, your head next to his as you watched him log off with a sigh. You smiled and faced him, your lips ghosting his ear. 

“How’s that report?” You teased. 

“I’ll send it tomorrow,” he grumbled. 

You laughed, pressing a kiss to his temple. 

You froze when you realize what you did. Johnny met your eyes with widened ones before you turned on your heel, hoping that he would forget what happened and dismiss it. 

“We should go!” You pressed, grabbing his arm. 

Johnny gave a giddy grin as you pulled him out of the office, his head spinning from a simple kiss to his forehead. Oh how he would beg for just one more touch. 

You drop Johnny off at his apartment, agreeing to meet up at nine o’clock at the bar. Johnny wanted to bring up the kiss again, but he didn’t want to press into it, instead, he opted on on kissing your forehead next, making you jump in surprise. 

“Now we’re even,” he grinned, “I’ll see you at nine!”

You threw an empty coffee cup at him, cursing at him when he successfully dodged it. You watched him wave with a smile before you drove off to your apartment, desperately attempting to silence your pounding heart. 

“Calm down,” you said to yourself, a smile forcing its way through your lips either way. 

When you got home, the first thing you did was peel your clothing off at the door, making your way back to the shower to rid yourself of all the work tension that had built up that day. You sigh and press your fingertips into your shoulder, wondering how wonderful it would feel to have Johnny to relive the pressure in your joints, his bow shaped lips pressing kisses to the skin. In contrast to earlier, you allowed your mind to wander to the dream you had this morning and imagine his hands on your waist, his strong chest pressed against your back as kissed your neck and back. 

Fine. You’ll admit that you’re attracted to your friend, but that was as far as it was going to go. 

Before your thoughts could get any deeper, you pull yourself out of the shower, running a comb through your hair hastily as you prepped you face up for make up. You dried your hair in the meantime, standing around your apartment naked before pulling an oversized shirt, giving yourself a second glance in the mirror. 

What…would Johnny’s shirts look like on me? You asked quietly. You watched yourself blush at the thought, smiling before going back to putting on your make up. 

It took you an hour and a half with distractions to finally complete your makeup, choosing your outfit next as you pulled on a tight A-Line skirt that hugged your hips comfortably, resting just above the middle of your thigh before you pulled on your shirt, a black, sweetheart neck shirt, your hand resting against your cleavage as you felt a bit embarrassed at the display of skin. You decided to straighten your hair then, attempting to use your long hair to hide it only to find that it looked better sleeked and behind your ears, showing your neck. 

A deep breath and a smile in the mirror decided you were ready to leave. You glanced at the time, grabbing a random jacket before walking to the taxi that you reserved, taking you to the bar that was near your apartment. 

You don’t know why you felt so nervous, your heart pounding against your chest as you thanked the taxi driver for the ride. You paid and tipped him earnestly, stepping outside in your heels as you waited awkwardly at the front door for your friend. You make eye contact with a few coworkers, quickly turning around and clenching your eyes before you hear your name gently called. 

You opened your eyes to see Johnny, look sleek in a black dress up shirt and matching pants. You smiled in relief, taking his hand and squeezing it tightly. 

“You…uh…” Johnny felt his ears burn as he racked in his brain for a compliment that could fit the way you looked. The truth of the matter was that you looked too beautiful, so incredibly gorgeous and stunning that left the man stupid.

“You look beautiful,” he decided on holding back on cheesy comments and feeling happy that it made you smile. 

“Thanks,” you beamed. “You don’t look too bad either.”

“There are people from work there, do you want to go to this bar instead?” 

“Yes please,” you nod, leaning into his hold as you walk towards the bar over. You sit across from him and watch as he ordered drinks and appetizers, the alcohol approaching first as he poured soju in a few glasses, handing you one he lifted his cup in hand. 

“Here’s to another week of work done,” he chanted, “only the rest of our lives to go.”

You laughed, clinking your drinks together before downing the drink in one go. 

The two of you continue to drink and laugh as you tear through appetizers and bottles of alcohol. Johnny had moved to your side of the booth, his head supported by his elbow that was resting against the table as he watched you eat, the corner of his lips curved upwards. You roll your eyes and take the bottle from his side, pouring yourself another drink. 

“Reached your limit already?” You teased, downing another shot and wiping the bit of alcohol that dripped over your chin. Johnny couldn’t help but to stare, blinking hard and shaking his head. 

“I’m…” his head dropped. “Drunk.”

You laughed, passing the food towards him as you pushed him to eat, “eat! You can’t give up on me yet, we’ve only been here for two hours.”

“No. I want you to eat, get your meals in.”

“I’ve had maybe three meals here alone,” you mock, pushing his head up.

Johnny huffed, grabbing the bottle and pouring you another shot, “keep drinking. It’s not fair that I’m the only one drunk.”

“Are you mad that I can take liquor better than you?”

Johnny smiled and hummed, his hand resting on your thigh as he squeezed, “yeah. s’not fair.”

You bit your lip at the contact, pouting when you felt his hand remove itself to pick up his chopsticks and eat at your request. 

Two more hours and at 2 am, the two of you stumbled out of the bar after you had paid the bill despite Johnny’s belligerence to pay. Both of you drunk out of your minds, you decide to walk to your apartment, which would be Johnny’s first time considering being months of friends. 

Said man looked up at the tall building, his eyes narrowed and his mouth open wide, “are you rich?”

“Kind of. Keep walking.” You huffed, pushing the man towards the front door. 

“How are you kind of rich?” 

Finally arriving at your apartment, Johnny splayed himself on your living room floor, landing on his back with a grunt as he looked around your lofty apartment. 

“This is really nice…I’m coming over more often,” he mumbled, “and it’s close to work.”

“That’s why I picked it.” You replied. You yawn and feel your head spin slightly as you kicked off your heels, walking to the living room to see Johnny lifting his hand up from the ground. You try pulling him up but he shook his head, pulling you down next. 

“Lay down with me,” he said. You laughed, instead opting to sit on his lap as his fingers run up and down your sides.

It didn’t take long for the man to pull you into his chest, listening to his heart beat in his chest as his fingers trailed up your bare back. You could fall asleep like this, your eyelids already falling heavy as he wrapped his arms around your figure instead. You rested your chin on his chest, using your fingers to caress his lips as he pressed absentminded kisses on them. You blushed, unsure if it was from the alcohol racing through your blood or from something more. You decided to test the theory, inching closer as you hovered over him.

“Johnny?”

“Hmm?”

“Can…” you swallowed, “can I kiss you?”

You heard his heart speed up in his chest as he sat up with you in his lap, “what?”

You bit your lip as you feared you had overstepped your boundary. You shook your head, giving a sheepish smile before starting to get up from his lap, “nothing. It was stupid, sorry—“

“Yes you can kiss me,” he said quickly. He knew he would regret if he missed on the opportunity, his hands on your hips again as his lips hovered over yours. “Please kiss me.”

Your knees felt like jelly under you at his quiet beg. Your fingers threaded through his hair as your noses barely bumped against each other, feeling his breath on your lips. 

“You won’t get mad at me tomorrow?” You asked, your forehead resting against his. 

“The only reason I would get mad for kissing you is if I didn’t end up doing it,” he replied, his eyes scanning your face for doubt. “Do you not want to? We don’t…have to…”

You panic at the space that was getting bigger in between your faces, shaking your head as you pressed yourself closer, “I want to, Johnny. I really want to.”

“Kiss me then,” he said, his lips pressing against your cheek. “Kiss me, please.”

You press your lips against his, your toes curling as Johnny snaked his strong arms around your waist, your lips slotting together perfectly as you moan in his mouth. You pull away breathlessly, eyes dilated as you stared at the man in front of you. 

“I like you, y/n,” he admitted, his cheeks flushed as his hands reached for yours. You swallow at the confession, allowing Johnny to thread his fingers with yours. “I really like you.”

You panicked as you weren’t sure if you returned the feelings. All you knew was that you loved the way your lips felt against his, the same way you liked his hands holding your own. You bit your lip, “Johnny…”

“You don’t have to like me back. I’m happy with just being here, with you. But I had to tell you because it would kill me if I didn’t.”

Truthfully, you had no idea how to respond. The only appropriate response was to press your lips against his again, not quite sure if you returned the feelings yet but being absolutely positive in knowing that you loved how he made you feel secure, safe, and...loved. 

“Why?” You asked, confused as to why he wouldn’t pick a pretty secretary or another girl in the office. “Why me?”

“Because you’re special,” he replied simply. “You're strong, you’re beautiful, you’re talented and so smart that it blows me away. You blow me away.”

“I think I love you, actually,” he said in a tone that sounded like he was just now realizing it on his own. The word sent your heart into your throat.

“You....love...me?”

Johnny blinked, struggling to read your emotions before you kissed him yet again, this time pushing him onto the floor as you grasped his collar with your hands. He pulled away momentarily, holding your face with his hands as he looked you in the eye. 

“Before I set myself up here,” he cleared his throat, “is it safe to assume you at least like me back?”

You laughed nodded your head before pecking his lips, “yes. It is.”

Johnny grinned before pulling you back in for a kiss. 

It wasn’t the least bit responsible, nor was it the least bit safe but neither one of you seemed to care. You peeled your clothing off faster than Johnny could unbutton his shirt, staring at you as he finally managed to yank his shirt off. 

He felt dizzy with lust upon seeing you completely naked under him, something he had only dreamt of up until this moment, as it was better than he could’ve ever imagined. His thumb ran over a nipple, his length twitching at the moan you let out before he pulled it, a mewl following as you spread you legs. 

“You’re a dream,” he breathed, kissing his way from your chest to your belly button. “If i wake up i’m going to be so fucking pissed.”

You laugh, pulling his lips in as you kiss his jawline, “if it’s a dream then I’ll wake you up and we’ll do it again.”

“Fuck,” he groaned, pulling his pants off with great speed. “Now I’m hoping it’s a dream.”

You roll your eyes at the comment, waiting expectantly with a finger on your clit, running circles as he ran his hand up and down his length, spitting on your expectant folds and moaning at the lewdness of it all.

“You like that?” He grinned. 

“It’s disgusting,” you breathed. “Yes. I do.”

It was his turn to laugh this time, kissing you again as he aligned his length with your entrance. His elbows rested on either side of your head, his lips finding purchase on your cheeks, forehead, and anywhere he could reach as he pushed himself inside. You threw your head back, his name falling from your lips as you squeezed his arm. 

“Beautiful,” he sighed. “So fucking beautiful.”

“Can you...”

“Yes, baby?”

Your face burned at the pet name, “fuck me, Johnny. Make me cry.”

He shuddered, pulling his length out to shove it into your warmth without warning, watching you cry out as he repeated the same rhythm, his head spinning from the pleasure and how tight you were squeezing his cock. 

“I dreamt...about you...” you admitted, fingers in your mouth. “Of your cock, fucking me, filling me up with cum—fuck, oh Johnny-“

“That makes two of us,” he moaned, his head falling in between his shoulders. You take advantage of this to push him on to his back again, watching his surprised face with a smile as  you turn to face away from him. Johnny grabbed your ass in response, his massive hands pinching, slapping, and doing whatever he could as you sank on his length, using the floor as leverage as you bounced on his lap. 

“Holy shit, y/n,” he groaned, his fingernails digging into your hips. “Shit—f-fuck-!”

You moan at his cock twitch inside you, filling you up promptly before pulling out to drip the same cum on his stomach and now flaccid member. You squeak out a yelp when you feel yourself being yanked on to what felt like a pair of lips, a tongue reaching in between your folds and eating you out feverishly as the same strong hands played with your nipples. 

Johnny sucked at your labia and sucked at your clit, humming as he slurped both his cum and your essence into his mouth, stiffening his tongue against your clit as you came with a cry, your legs shaking above his face as you collapsed on his stomach, breathing heavily as he pressed to fingers inside. 

“Wait-“ you moaned, your hand reaching for his as he continued to abuse your g-spot. Your legs trembled as your eyes rolled to the back of your head, pleading Johnny to pull his hand out before you came again. He made no effort to listen as another orgasm ripped through you, a scream falling from your lips as you squirted onto his chest, whimpering as your hole clenched around his index and ring finger, begging for more until he pulled said fingers out. 

You fell on your stomach, sticky, sweaty, and dizzy as your pussy still twitched. You couldn’t help but to smile at the kisses being pressed down your back, tender lips against hot skin as Johnny rubbed your back. 

“You okay?”

“More than okay,”you hummed. You stood on your legs shakily, forgetting that you weren’t exactly sober as you pulled at his hand. The taller man followed you to your bedroom, watching you fall against the sheets as you pulled him next to you. 

“You don’t want to get cleaned up first?” He asked, his head situating in between your breasts. 

“Nope,” you replied simply. 

There was something about the way he fit in your arms that made you kiss him again, this time fuller as you took great care in moving your lips against his, making sure he felt every ounce of happiness from your end on his. It seemed to work by the way he smiled, kissing your forehead next. 

You indulge each other in another rapid love making session, this time a bit shorter but still amazing as you came around him, shaking in his arms as he whispered praises in your ear. You both were exhausted by that point, Johnny falling asleep inside you as you drifted to sleep before he did. 

When you woke up, it was with a pounding headache and sore joints, confused as to why you felt so sticky until you realized there was something inside you. 

Something hard...and radiating quite a bit of heat. 

“Johnny?” you whispered. 

you faced the other man, smiling at his sleeping face as you leaned in to kiss him, morning breath be damned. he returned the kiss regardless, sighing dreamily as he accidentally pressed himself deeper inside you, a groan falling from his lips. 

“thank god i wasn’t dreaming.”

“i told you that if you were dreaming we would just do it again.”

johnny’s eyes were still closed but a smile was on his lips, “can we do it anyway?”

“will you pay for breakfast?”

“mm, I suppose.” he said. 

You laughed, wrapping your arms around his neck as his lips found purchase in the crook of your neck. 

[infernalrevenge]

Extra Ordinary

Fandom: Choices - Foreign Affairs

Pairing: F!Blaine Hayes x M!MC (Magnus Quezon)

Rating: G

Summary: Blaine and Magnus sneak off to a traveling fair.

Notes: Inspired by a message from @i-cant-think-of-a-name-15 wherein he told me I could write about "a purple panda visiting Vancross" and he'd still read about it, so I was minorly inspired. This is much longer than what I've written and posted here so far, so fair warning on that.

----------

"A fair?"

Magnus raised an eyebrow at Dionne, who clutched her phone as she showed him her text messages from Blaine.

"Yeah, she said she got tickets the other day, arranged for you two to go, and everything! It's only in town for a week, and tonight's the last night before they pack everything up the next day."

Before he could even object -- the thought of everyone still breathing down his neck about the scandal and cleaning up his image still weighing heavily on his mind -- she interrupted, "You don't have any classes tomorrow, you’re free, and you need the break! Plus it'll be so romantic, just you and Blaine--"

"And our bodyguards."

"--Having the time of your lives at a fair! Come on, it'll be fun, Magnus! Like you're gonna say no to her."

Okay, she's got him there.

It only took a little bit of pleading to get Tatum to agree to his antics this time, rolling his eyes as if he was used to it at that point. Nevertheless, he escorted the First Son to the pier where the fair grounds were, dressed as casually and inconspicuously as possible.

Magnus adjusted his sunglasses and beanie, glancing behind him to see if his bodyguard was right behind, only to find him gone. He did say he was just going to keep a "respectable distance", but it didn't make him any less nervous being out and about like this. It wasn't that he didn't trust his date to show up, it was that he was worried that she would and so would the paparazzi. They haven't exactly relented on their quest to squeeze out every juicy detail of his story.

He tried to scan the crowd for any sign of Blaine, only to be suddenly grabbed by the arm. He stumbled back in surprise, accidentally bumping into a mother with her kids. "Sorry sorry, I'm so sorry miss!" he quickly apologized, but the lady left in a huff, and he found himself face to face with none other than the mastermind of this operation.

"Geez, I forgot how you scared so easily. Sorry about that," Blaine remarked, clearly amused. Magnus could only roll his eyes, but was nonetheless relieved to find her -- or rather, have her find him.

He had to admire her insistence on the whole plan, and the fact that she had a plan in the first place. Of course, they couldn't get away from their bodyguards and had to effectively hide any prominent features of theirs to avoid being recognized, but hey, he would take any excuse to be with her.

"We've got a lot of ground to cover if we wanna make the most of this place," Blaine said. They made their way inside hand in hand.

"I'm starting to feel bad, leaving you with all the work of planning out covert dates. I should return the favor some time," Magnus said with a small laugh, taking in the sights and smells around him. The sun was beating down on every head present, hung up on a bright blue sky. It was quite crowded, which was a security concern, but it also meant it would be harder for untrained eyes to spot them in the sea of faces. Still, it had him a bit on edge.

"Looking forward to whatever you've got cooking up there, Rutherland. I'm sure you can think of something." Blaine looked up at the rides, the screams of its passengers intriguing her to give the experience a shot. It would also help to distract Magnus, as she noticed he was rather tense. "Where do you wanna go first?"

Magnus wasn't always the type to try to impress a date, but he might have been pushing it a little when he suggested an octopus ride. "I've never ridden one before. My mom always said they would break and the cart I'd be in would fly off."

It felt that way as soon as the ride started too. Magnus held onto the safety bar in front of them for dear life, his insides doing massive flips with every rotation. It was very thrilling, but it was also a strangely ticklish sensation that had him laughing and screaming the whole time. Blaine was having the time of her life, on the other hand, raising both arms in the air at multiple points as she whooped and jokingly yelled for it to go faster. Their excited screams blended in with the cacophony of the other riders, and somehow, that made the First Son feel the most normal he had since the day started.

If you were to ask him, Magnus would deny how his hands were shaking as they got off the ride, remnants of that thrill and momentary terror still running through his body. But it helped to have Blaine take both his hands and encouraged him to breathe deeply instead of the usual teasing he expected from her.

"Do you go on octopus rides often?" he asked, sucking in another breath before exhaling slowly.

"I'm actually more of a lazy river kind o' girl, but I love the adrenaline rush anyway," she casually replied, trying her best to ground him and calm his racing heart and stomach.

The two of them decided to eat some snacks as a substitute for lunch, settling for corn dogs, cotton candy, and watermelon slices. Along the way, Magnus spotted a giant panda stuffed toy in one of the game booths, its usual black patches replaced with a bright purple. Blaine followed his distracted gaze and giggled, trying to get his attention. “See something you like?”

The Rutherlandian chuckled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I, uh... it’s a giant panda, kinda hard to miss.” He was trying his best not to seem too obvious about his curiosity and desire to have it. However, after passing by the same booth a few more times as they explored the grounds, with his attention inevitably drifting to the toy, Blaine took him there herself to see if she can win it for him.

“You don’t have to--”

“Just let me do this for you. Besides, not like you can keep your eyes off of it.”

A laugh escaped him, “Are you telling me you’re jealous of a stuffed toy panda now?”

“I’m literally gonna win it for you, Rutherland, I am the farthest from being jealous. I promise by the end of the night, you'll be one panda richer.”

Basketball was the name of the game -- all she had to do was sink three shots in a row through the hoop across. Simple enough, if only she weren’t so far away from behind the starting line. Every time she threw the ball and watched it soar through the air, it was always just a few feet shy of the goal. By the time Blaine was on her sixth total attempt, she was just slamming the cash on the counter in frustration to pay for more chances, which the manager gladly accepted each time.

Magnus tried to get her to stop, insisting that it was fine and she didn’t need to waste so much money on a game “that was clearly rigged anyway.”

“Hey, I promised I’d get you that, and goddammit you are gonna get it!” she stubbornly replied, setting down another two dollars. This time though, she took a pause to rest and re-think her strategy.

Blaine furrowed her eyebrows, her focus alternating between the ball and the hoop, until an idea struck her. A wide mischievous smirk appeared on her face as she pinned the ball under her arm and climbed onto the counter, much to everyone's surprise.

"Hey, you're not allowed up there, miss!" the man behind the stand yelled, holding a hand up. The Ardonian was undeterred.

"Why? I'm still behind the line," she pointed out.

"You could fall and get hurt, you have to--" Magnus started, but Blaine was already focused on her goal, ball in hand as she lifted it up.

The height certainly gave her an advantage, taking one successful shot after another, despite the manager's and Magnus' protests. Her date still hung back right behind her, arms slightly raised to ready himself just in case. If she was so insistent on doing things her way, hopefully it wouldn't end in a hospital visit. She would hear an occasional "be careful!" between shots, but when she finally got the last one she needed, she practically threw caution to the wind after the ball.

“Victory is mine, asshole!” she yelled in triumph, throwing her arms up in the air in celebration.

She didn't anticipate how the momentum would throw her off balance though, misstepping behind her. She yelped and tried to move forward, but it was too late. One second she was falling back toward the ground, then the next... she was in Magnus' arms.

She looked up at him and laughed, "Good catch. You work out?" she commented with a wink, letting him help her stand back up.

"Let's just say you can always trust me to catch you," he replied with a hint of a flirtatious tone, before nudging her with his elbow. "But never do that again," he warned, though he was clearly just worried about her.

The Ardonian flipped her hair over her shoulder, turning her attention to the manager. "One panda, my good sir!"

He begrudgingly handed over the stuffed toy to Blaine, who then proceeded to proudly present it to Magnus. He had to wrap both arms around its fluffy torso just to be able to hold onto it securely.

"Consider this my apology for worrying you," she joked, patting the toy's fluffy arm.

"This feels a bit cliche, doesn't it?" he said, his voice partially muffled by the huge obstruction between them.

"What do you mean? It's a role reversal. It's the guy usually winning prizes for the girl, right?"

"I just mean the situation in general. Do you always win giant pandas for your dates?"

"Only for you, babe. Though I'll happily take it back if you don't want it."

At that, Magnus turned and kept it away from Blaine when she tried to reach for it. "No, you already gave it to me, so keepsies." He stuck his tongue out at her, looking more childish than ever, which earned him a boop on the nose.

"One more ride for the road?"

It was already sunset by the time they got on the ferris wheel. The sky was a gradient of pink, orange, and yellow as the sun started to set, slowly sinking in the horizon where the sky met the sea. It took some convincing for the ride manager to allow the stuffed toy on board, as long as they didn't drop it -- like Magnus was ever going to let that happen.

The newly christened Taro (as Magnus insisted on calling the panda) sat on his side, with Blaine snuggled on the other, her head settled on his shoulder. The ride moved slowly as other passengers boarded, and they were getting close to the top, just enough to enjoy the view.

"I know the rooftops at Vancross had great views of sunsets, but nothing beats being this close to it, huh?" Blaine said, her fingers idly playing with Magnus', intertwining and untwining them.

"Being in great company helps me appreciate it more too," Magnus replied, before turning to the stuffed toy next to him, sitting at eye level given its size. "Isn't that right, Taro?"

"Sorry, am I ruining your moment here?" she joked, gently nudging at his arm. Magnus simply smiled and wrapped an around her shoulders, pulling her even closer to his side.

"But seriously though, today was really fun. I'm glad you convinced Dionne to convince me to come out here. At this point, it's hard to say no to even just seeing you."

"Even if it means infuriating your bodyguard?"

Magnus rolled his eyes, looking off as the sky started to darken. "He wasn't infuriated, I'd say irritated at best, but he gets it. He's always been supportive of my 'be a normal person' agenda."

"Did I help deliver?"

"Oh definitely. You sure know how to make a guy feel normal, in a good way."

Blaine glanced up at him, "What does being normal mean to you?"

The young man blinked, not expecting such an introspective question. The lights on the ferris wheel started to turn on, giving him a view of Blaine under their soft glow. He almost lost himself in the sight and backtracked on the question.

He gave himself a moment to think, choosing his words carefully, "Just... being able to live my life away from scrutinizing eyes, I guess. I don't want the public to see me as someone or something that I'm not just because some tabloid article told them this or that."

She nodded in understanding, pulling his arm closer. "Definitely. It's like the general population seems to forget we're people too. We have our own lives and identities, and it's not something that can be toyed with."

"I wish I didn't have to act a certain way, I don't want them to change me. I wish... things were different." A bout of silence passed between them, the ride moving at its leisurely pace to give its passengers time to appreciate it.

"But if they were, then I never would've met you, so it's not all bad. You're... one of the best things that's ever happened to me, you know?" Magnus looked at Blaine, a small yet genuine smile on his face. The girl looked up at him almost with a flicker of doubt at first, but looking deeper into his eyes, she knew he was telling the truth.

And she wasn't sure how to handle that.

She could feel her stomach doing flips, a thrill running through her -- except it wasn't like she was on a fair ride. This was somehow more intense, yet she felt grounded with him by her side. She couldn't help the smile that bloomed, her cheeks darkening slightly as she took in his words.

"You're too good, Magnus. I hope the world never changes you."

The way she said his name sounded almost adoring, like she was in awe of what a genuine soul he was despite everything that's happened to him. She knew what it was like, having been expected to keep up appearances her whole life, but somehow this boy right next to her never seemed to lose touch of himself along the way. He knew what he had to do, but he also knew who he was at the end of the day.

Just hearing her say it like that was enough to melt Magnus' insides with a loving warmth. A smile spread across his face, leaning forward to press a soft kiss on her lips. He was just so relieved that he never had to pretend around Blaine, never had to prove anything to her. It was more than enough just having her there by his side, and even though he was looking forward to the day he can finally be out with her in public with pride, moments like these made their secret trips still worth going through.

.

.

.

(Due to Taro's size, it couldn’t quite fit in Magnus' bed as intended, so it instead resided on the couch in the suite. It didn't mean he didn't take any chances to nap on it though.

Dionne has sent many pictures to Blaine of the young man's face buried into its fluffy stomach, curled up on the small space as he rested peacefully, and Blaine has had to stifle many squeals of delight at the adorable sight.)