#my daydreams change everyday .. really it’s only the context that stays the same and even that’s always subject to change

[theloveinc]

Who all do you selfship with in gachiakuta?

akdjjdkdl PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE !!! It’s honestly fucking ridiculous of me and yet I absolutely cannot help it whatsoever ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 tho id say my main self ships are —

enjin x caitie - i run some sort of side hustle outside of the school i work at (which is what he likes abt me, that i teach) and we meet through Arkha. I’m honestly okay with keeping it casual bc … idk! Enjin just can’t seem to figure it out! Esp bc I treat him like my boyfriend in every single way but … don’t really ask the same from him? And that bothers him a lot lmao for some reason (see: he thinks it’s super baffling) and eventually becomes this thing where he’s on a mission to tie ME down. I have a good relationship with the rest of akuta tho :)

zodyl x caitie - I haven’t fully figured this one out yet bc most of the time i daydream about him, i go with a modern au? But I think whatever I do for the raiders is very benign, like I simply just keep the shit running food and dress wise bc Zodyl can’t??? and because he has his weird mommy issues make it really sexy to him to see a regular woman just doing her thingy thang💔 eventually he pulls some kid off the street and we somehow become coparents

kyoka x caitie - im her lil kitty cat, she keeps me on a leash❣️ (eventually I run into zanka somehow and make things either better or worse depending how I’m feeling)

gris x caitie - he’s my Enjin rebound bye

tamsy x reader - I am constantly HIGH off my ass, and given the way I interact with him, tamsy has a suspicion I can see right thru his “good guy” facade (which is half true, eventually I punk him into revealing it fully to me) … but for reasons of my own (which have to do with arkha somehow, either I love him or I receive special treatment from him bc of my “condition”), I’m not at liberty to expose tamsy… so we do this weird back and forth dance that eventually ends in hate fucking (I’m knife cat essentially) !!!

It’s honestly hard for me to articulate some of this bc I don’t have any .. canon selfship “lore” since I’m constantly going thru my daydreams and altering things depending on any number of reasons!! But this is the basic gist of things I think!! I also have less prominent selfships with jabber and follo and august and arkha … along with self insert dynamics with really everyone (semiu and cthoni … we’re not always fucking but we’re on that weird gay shit together. AND NOERDE TOO OFC my love) !! Sorry to blab about it anyway LOL

Wbu?? I’d love to hear abt any of yours, too!! Or anything gk related too, like your jinki and which side u align with more + etc!!!??? Thank you so much for asking !!

[languidschizoid]

If it's not too much, can I ask 1-50 for the maddwinter questions meme for your paragf? (You can make separate posts, if that would be easier for you)

hell yeah you can ask

i’ll leave some questions out because they’re too personal for me though (and can i ask why you asked for my paragf specifically?)

WHAT?

1: What’s your para’s full name? Does it have any kind of meaning? She was born as Judith McGilan, then she escaped from somewhere to her biological father which is when her name was changed to Judith Jillian Foster. After she had first killed someone she changed it to just Jillian (she felt like she was a different person and didn’t deserve to call herself the name of the innocent child she used to be)At the beginning of my paracosm her name had been Jill her whole life but then I got to know a Jill irl and I tried to change her name. But the only part of her life where I managed to do that was her childhood bc I hadn’t daydreamed that much about it before

2: What is your para’s favorite band or artist? She doesn’t really have one and if she did it would be one that doesn’t exist in this universe lol

3: What’s your para’s worst habit? Do you know why do they have that habit? And since when? Is it a habit tp be overprotective and hypervigiliant? I wouldn’t say so but she had that since her whole family except her sister either died or went missing and her sister hated her

4: What does your para usually have in their everyday bag? Any reason why? Her emergency phone. One she actually has for her job but honestly that’s just so that she has a reason to keep her phone turned on in case something happens

5: What does your para usually dream about? And why? Often nightmares either of trauma she has already experienced of of fears she has of something similar happening again

6: What does your para’s house look like? Do they prefer a big mansion or a small apartment? In California she has an apartment that looks like my sister’s old one except with less rooms. In London she lives in a mansion with her huge family (not her biological family, it’s complicated). She’s fine with both

8: What does your para like to do before going to sleep? Do they prefer to sleep alone or together with someone else? Or perhaps with something? She doesn’t need to sleep technically but she likes to since the nightmares got less. But when she’s w my parame she prefers to watch her sleep. One time she whispered something to her while she was asleep and when she didn’t immediately wake up she freaked out. She likes sleeping next to her but whenever Erin falls asleep Jill worries she won’t wake up for spme reason

9: What kind of clothes does your para like? Describe their clothing for summer and winter! That depends too much on the context but she often wears black. Not at work though

10: What is your para’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw ever disturbed their relationship with someone? She tends to be overprotective and controlling. I mean she can control herself, she doesn’t stalk her girlfriends or anything but it sure would make her feel safer if she did

DOES?

11: Does your para have any hidden talents? If so, why do they hide it? Not really. I mean she doesn’t really tell people how well she can fight bc why would she?

12: Does your para sleep with pillows? If so, how much? She has like 3-4 but she doesn’t use all

13: Does your para have any pets? If so, why do they choose those pets? no

15: Does your para have a big ego or a very low self esteem? And why? This is difficult… She definitely seems confident on the outside and I mean there are some things she is confident about but at the same time she hates herself for stuff she’s done

16: Does your para struggle with some kind of addiction? I don’t think so

17: Does your para have any mental or physical illness/disorder/disability? She has PTSD

18: Does your para have any kind of criminal record? How did they get it? She has killed people and definitely done other illegal things but she never got caught for any of it

19: Does your para live in some kind of self denial? And why? She used to deny her sexuality for the first… maybe 20 years of her life? Because well, she was born in the 30s

20: Does your para like to be seen or don’t want to be seen by people? She doesn’t care a lot I guess? She’s not shy, she’s fine with attention, but she usually doesn’t crave it (unless it’s by specific people)

WHICH?

21: Which is your oldest para? Do they like to imply that they’re older most of the times? Do they get any advantages or disadvantages for being older? A side para, not really important and she doesn’t even appear in a lot of versions

22: Which para is your youngest para? Do they get any advantages or disadvantages for being younger? That depends on where you are in the timeline. In the latest one it’s Zara, a newborn

23: Which para is the tallest and shortest? How tall are they? i dunno actually. I tend to imagine Rose as quite tall but thats unlikely (she was born in the 15th century)

24: Which para likes to sing everywhere? Do they ever break out in a song randomly? And what song do they usually like? lol none but that’s a good idea

25: Which para is the worst driver? Have they ever driven before? How did their first experience go? These isn’t really one who’s particularly bad at driving

27: Which para likes peace? Who likes to make fights with everyone? And why? Erin “likes peace”, Rose likes to fight. It gives her the attention she wants and she can show off

28: Which para likes to stay out of fights and mind their own business? And why? Erin. She has anxiety and it gets even worse when people argue. It could mean they ask her whose side she’s on and then what if one of them hates her?

30: Which para has a very sarcastic and offensive sense of humor? Have they ever actually offended someone before by their jokes? Do they have someone who can joke along with the same sense of humor? Alcais. He’s an abusive asshole and offending people with his jokes is exactly what he likes about them (fun fact: solely by knowing Al’s name you can easily find out what book my paracosm is based on)

32: Which para likes to explode with happiness everytime something good happens?Erin, Leah, most of the children

35: Which para has the loudest voice? Who’s the quiet one who barely talks? Erin’s the quietest one among people she doesn’t know but when she’s with one person she trusts (like her mother or gf) she’s gonna start telling them about her special interests so enthusiastically it automatically makes the person she’s talking to happy too

DESCRIBE?

37: Describe how your para would get out of jail if they ever went to one! She’d get as close to an exit as possible, fight a guard and get their keys

38: Describe your para using a movie quote!It’s not from a movie but a TV show and it doesn’t really *describe* her, it’s simply something she would say/has said: “Dying is simple. It all just stops. You’re dead. The people around you dying, that’s the hard part. ‘Cause you keep living, knowing that you didn’t do everything to keep them here”

39: Describe your para in 10 words! Protective, determined, confident but self-hating, offense is the best defense

HOW?

41: How quick will your para to trust someone new? What will they do if that person betrays them? She doesn’t usually trust anyone new unless they prove that they can be trusted and she knows them for a while. She does trust Erin though, mostly

42: How does your para behave around children? Are they experienced or not? She is experienced (she works as a child psychologist, raised two kids, and she trains children to fight) but how she treats children, or people in general, really depends on who she’s with. To her students she’s strict (not necessarily in a strict parenting way, more like the kind of friend who forces you to keep your own resolutions?), with her patients she’s less…extreme

44: How does your para deal with stress? What makes them stressed in the first place? If it’s a problem she can solve, she finds out how and solve it. Otherwise she collects knowledge about the thing that’s stressing her, even if it has no effect at all

45: How will your para describe what love is? Will they describe it wonderfully or badly? Love is being selfish. It distracts you from everything you should be focusing on and it can destroy your life and make you feel good at the same time. Love is dangerous because nothing is worse than losing someone you love and that can happen anytime

47: How does your para act around someone they don’t like or hate? lol they dead

48: How does your para act around someone they love? protective, vulnerable, she takes an eternity to trust someone but when she does she trusts them fully and will share everything with them

49: How much does your para care about beauty? Do they like to wear makeup or go natural? She's never really cared about it but she looks awesome either way