#my dad was married twice before he married mine & my sister's mom | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wonwoonlight · 4 years

Text

falling flowers | seokmin / hansol

➝ Seokmin x fem!Reader x Hansol

➝ feat. Shua, Seungkwan, few mentions of other idols. (side Verkwan)

➝ word count: 18,070 words.

➝ fluff // angst?? // non idol!au // hanahaki!au

➝ warnings: (very) minor character death, mentions of trouble breathing, umm that’s it i think?? tell me if i need to update the warning

➝ disclaimer: the Hanahaki disease concept is not mine, but I did alter a few things about how it works for the story.

a/n: okay. i know i’m always like, this is longer than i thought it would be haha xD but it has never occured to me that I can write a fic more than 10k lol..... this was supposed to be a song fic for Rosé ‘s Gone because I love it so much and I want to do shameless promotion here lol but it’s waaay off even if I did write this listening to that song and Fallin’ Flowers. so, anyway!! I’m not sure if this is angsty enough bc I suck at angst lol but I’ve always wanted to write hanahaki au, too, so, here we go! I hope you like this. Please do tell me bc I love hearing your opinions T^T

another story that’s sad and true

I can feel the pain, can you?

Calling it fortunate is dumb; but you couldn’t be more grateful the first time it happened you were by yourself in the comfort of your apartment. You can still remember it vividly: how you had felt and what went through your mind as you stared at the beautiful petals of daisies on your hand in horror.

They were beautiful. Hauntingly so.

Hansol has always told you about how much he cherishes that particular flower. Because it was my mom’s bouquet when she got married to dad, he has told you once. He even has a small daisy tattooed on the side of his shoulder that matches with his sister.

So far, the Hanahaki disease is not as bad as you thought it would be; it hurts but not as much as you had imagined. You’ve heard of it maybe once or twice in passing; it’s not unheard of, but not exactly common, either.

Some people get it removed; the disease gone with all their feelings just like that. Some people stubborn enough to withstand it to the brink of death, finally rid of the suffocating spring inside their lungs once they’ve completely moved on or the feelings returned. Some other decide it would be better to pass on with a love so deep than live without feelings.

It’s terrifying.

You have no idea how this works—no one does. What is the standard of all these conditions? There’s no absolute answer to this even after countless research.

Some questions simpler than others: will it be considered ‘moving on’ if you’ve started to forget him but not yet completely? Some scare you more than most: how long can your body last until it can’t stand flowers blooming every now and then? When will you have to decide?

You’re constantly tired, and you’re not sure you can tell anymore if the tingling in your ribcage is your heart fluttering at everything Hansol does, or you’re just about to have petals out of your body because of the same person.

Maybe it’s both.

You think it’s both.

This is not how you imagined it would be when you asked for a sign from above if you’re really in love with your best friend or you were just reading into things.

“Why do you look so pale these days?” Hansol asks, frowning. You’ve agreed to come to the bar with him, Seokmin, and Joshua after he keeps on pestering you to hang out for a week now.

It’s kind of weird, to be honest. Hansol isn’t the type to pester others to go out when they don’t feel like it, even more when it’s you. But that’s why you eventually agree even though you feel like shit after another flower episode literally five minutes before he calls you.

You have no idea what’s the pattern to this coughing mess. Sometimes you can feel it coming and you can assume why, but sometimes it’s just completely random when you’re literally alone not doing anything.

“Huh, really?” You ask, playing stupid. “It’s probably because I haven’t been using my usual red lipstick. Some of my co-workers say the same, too.”

Hansol stares at you for a few seconds, a frown still in his face. “But you kinda look tired all the time every time I see you these days.”

“Geez, thanks for telling me I’ve been looking like shit, Sol. What an honest friend,” you tell him with a lazy grin, trying to brush it off as a joke.

You can feel Seokmin staring at you from your side and your hands are balled into fists under the table—afraid. You love him with all your heart, you really do, but Lee Seokmin knows when you’re hiding something and it’s not nice to be on the other side of his gaze when it’s clear there’s a secret you wish to keep.

“You know I don’t mean it like that,” he says, his gaze softens though the frown is still there. “I’m just worried. You rarely get sick but you’re looking tired all the time and it’s concerning me.”

You swallow your breath hardly, somehow managing to push the petals back to your system.

“There’s this big project at work and my team isn’t exactly pleasant,” you tell him as you play with the drink in front of you. It’s not exactly a lie; the project has been tiring though it’s the illness that’s taking a toll on your body.

Hansol accepts your reasoning, nodding as he reminds you to take care of yourself. You almost sigh in relief until you see Seokmin still eyeing you skeptically. You decide to play dumb as you look back at him with a smile, praying he will let you be.

The guy just raises his eyebrows, as if challenging you. And you just tilt your head in question until Seokmin just sighs and breaks the eye contact as he shakes his head to himself. You’re safe. For now.

“So why are you so adamant on bringing us here, Vernon?” Joshua asks, though not complaining. With Joshua going in and out of the city for business trips and you being rather reluctant to go out these days, it’s been a while since the four of you gather to have a drink and just catch up.

Seokmin grins at the English name, Joshua is practically the only one who calls Hansol that except for his own mom, and sometimes his sister.

He throws his hand up for a moment, asking the older guy to wait as he busily types on his phone. You can see his legs jumping up and down in the slightest, a sign that he’s nervous. But there’s a slight, genuine smile in his face. Almost giddy.

And for a second you forget about the tingling feelings you’ve come to be terrified of.

“Umm… there’s this…”

Until you don’t.

“Vernon?” a delicate voice call from behind you. And though you don’t turn to look, the way Hansol’s eyes brightened and the soft grin that makes its way to his face is enough for you to know who that might be.

“Oh! Hi! You didn’t tell me you’ve arrived,” Hansol greets back, even standing up to subtly take the person’s hand in his as he pulls him towards your booth.

Your heartbeat quickens at the unnecessary gesture; something done out of affection. Your mind starts to wander, then; have they been dating for that long? Hansol isn’t the type to be affectionate in public, you think to yourself as you remember the few relationships he was in.

Or maybe Hansol is just that much into this guy that he doesn’t mind doing things he usually doesn’t.

“I can get in just fine, silly. You don’t need to pick me up in the front,” the stranger grins at your friend. He seems so beautiful, his smile so soft and voice even more. Hansol probably considers it music to his ears, you think bitterly.

He grins some more, and then he finally turns to the rest of you. “Guys, this is Seungkwan. I… have been wanting you to meet him. That’s why I ask you guys to come here today.”

Joshua is the first to greet Seungkwan, introducing himself as he shakes his hand. “Glad to find another person who calls him Vernon.”

Seungkwan laughs adorably, glad that Joshua seems welcoming. “He introduces himself as Vernon to me, so it has stuck ever since.”

It’s Seokmin’s turn to laugh this time, making you turn to him. “I’m Seokmin, it’s nice to meet you. I didn’t know he was dating someone?”

The guy smiles sheepishly, and you can feel the flowers growing in your lungs at the way Hansol is looking at him. It has never felt this suffocating.

“He told me you guys are his closest friends, basically family. So, I said it’s okay to keep it low at first and there’s no rush in introducing me to the important people around him if that’s what he prefers,” he shrugs. Pretty, lowkey, and understanding. Of course, Vernon loves him.

Without wasting another second, Seungkwan turns to you with a smile. Calling your name, though you can hear the hesitance in his voice—maybe he assumes you don’t like him with the way you’ve been silent the whole time Joshua and Seokmin are speaking.

“I’ve heard so much about you from Vernon,” he sounds genuinely interested in you, soundingly happy that his boyfriend has a friend like you—there’s no sarcasm dripping even the tiniest bit. And it hurts.

You don’t even know you’ve been gripping Seokmin’s hand beneath the table for the whole time. For whatever reason he decides to pretend like you’re not crushing his hand, you’re glad his warmth gives you comfort even a little.

The smile that you give him is a little bit strained—though not because you dislike the guy. He seems really nice and friendly, in fact. You can tell he will fit right in your circle. But you can feel the flowers coming; shit, shit, shit.

“Good things only, I hope?” you manage to let out, holding in a cough. Seokmin looks at you with worry, feeling your hand gripping his tighter and tighter.

Before Seungkwan can answer, your phone rings and you thank all that it is out there that you’re finally given an excuse to leave the table even if you haven’t even checked the caller. Whoever it is, you’re sure this is universe finally taking your side for once.

You excuse yourself out of the table as you smile apologetically at the newcomer. Once outside, you sit down at one of the benches near the parking area, holding your chest as you cough yet piles of daisies out of your guts.

It hurts. It hurts so much to the point where you have tears streaking down your face and you don’t even realize Seokmin is beside you, one of his hands holding your hair together as the other softly rubs your back.

Seokmin, the ever so understanding person that is Lee Seokmin, doesn’t say anything once you’ve stopped coughing. He just pulls you into his embrace as you try to stop the tears, your hand holding one of the flowers tightly—crushing it without meaning to. He is weirdly calm, as if he has dealt with this before.

He doesn’t even ask since when or who; you’re pretty sure he has an idea who the flowers are supposed to represent.

“They…” you start after your tears have died down, though you’re still sniffing. “They were just petals before this, Seok. Never a fully bloomed flower.”

“Do you want me to take you home?” he asks instead, looking down at you. There is no pity in his gaze, you notice, just plain concern and worry. Of all people, you’re glad it’s him who finds out.

You shake your head, taking the handkerchief from his hand as you wipe your remaining tears. You almost laugh as you remember how you guys often call him an old man for always carrying it around despite rarely using it himself.

“I don’t want to ruin the night. Please just… if they ask, let’s just say I’m not feeling well, okay?”

The concern in his eyes is clear, and you’re sure if it’s not because he has just found out you have a deadly disease literally a few minutes ago, he would’ve at least tried to convince you to go home. But Seokmin is still processing it and he knows for now it’s best to go with what you wish.

“Okay. But I will be taking you home afterwards.”

You don’t have it in you to say no to that.

When you come back with Seokmin in tow, Joshua asks why you both take so long.

“Oh, my phone call ended early but I decide to wait around for her because why not,” Seokmin easily lies for once, shrugging.

“Your boss?” Hansol turns to you, making you blink in confusion. You almost forgot you were supposed to be taking a call.

You just nod, thankful that he basically lays down your made-up stories. “Yeah. Told you the project has been bugging me.”

You take your phone out of your bag, taking a look at your lock screen to see who called. You almost gasped at the notifications displayed there; eyes wide in disbelief.

[18:17] (1) Missed Call from Seokmin

[18:15] Seokmin: I’ll call you so you can go out ok?

[18:13] Seokmin: you okay?

When you turn to Seokmin, he is busy talking with Seungkwan about some embarrassing story about Hansol from a few years back. So, you just reach for his hand under the table and squeeze it in gratitude.

Without even turning to you, Seokmin runs his thumb over your knuckles a few times, reassuring you that he will be there no matter what.

No one hears the silent comfort his warmth offers to you.

“Aren’t you… curious?” you ask him as you slurp the hot chocolate in your mug.

It’s been two weeks since then, and Seokmin has addressed nothing regarding your illness. Though, he checks up on you even more than he used to and you can tell he’s treating you with subtle delicacy whenever he can.

“About what?” he shoots back, scrolling through Netflix on your TV. It’s Friday and Seokmin has invited himself over to your apartment after knowing you have the day off, saying you need human interaction that is not someone from work.

“The disease,” you say simply, as if you haven’t been coughing more often after that encounter.

The silence he offers you is unsettling; Seokmin is not supposed to be silent. He is supposed to be loud and cheerful, making dumb jokes and laughing at them before he even finishes telling you.

But you decide to observe him instead.

You’ve always been close with Seokmin, having befriend him through Hansol himself. You often wonder if him having a sister helps in making you more comfortable with him in some ways. Though, at times, you really see that he’s just the kind of person that makes everyone around him… comfortable. You’re very lucky to have a friend like him in your life and you hope everyone has a Seokmin in their lives.

Frankly, you thought he would immediately question you after a few days, demanding why you hadn’t told him—or anyone in that matter. But he didn’t. And it’s you who’s annoyed even though you don’t even talk to anyone about it.

You’re going to blame your period for that.

“I figured it’s not something you want me to bring up if you’re not ready to talk it out,” he settles, putting down the remote control.

You scoot closer to him in the sofa, leaning you head on his shoulder. “How would you know I haven’t told anyone? I might’ve told Chaeyoung about it, you know.”

He smirks a little and you softly pinch his arm, making him yelp in return. “That girl would be camping here for at least a week if she has found out. Plus, I know she’s back in Aussie now, so there’s no way you’d risk telling her over the phone.”

At his answer, your chest rumbles with laughter. “True, true. She means well but sometimes she worries too much.”

“So… do you?” he asks, and you just blink at him, not getting it at all. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Seokmin can feel the way your body tenses a little, your arms hugging his that is nearest to you, seeking comfort. “I don’t know what to say, really.”

“How long since it first happened?” he starts for you.

“Going three months now,” you shakily answer. You’ve read that some people can even last for years. But you’ve also read that some people are unfortunate enough not to be given months before their bodies just… give up.

It’s scary to think you might as well be dying at this very moment and you don’t even know.

“How are you feeling?” he asks again, his voice gentle as he lays his head on top of yours.

“At first I can still manage; they’re just petals and they didn’t happen as much. But after that night, it’s started to hurt a lot more and occur more often, too.”

“How often?”

You ponder for a while, eyes empty as you stare at the TV in front of you, Netflix long forgotten. “Twice a week, at least.”

The soft gasp he lets out is almost devastating. But then he sits up straight only to envelope you in his warmth not seconds later. You’re crying again but you don’t really care, you can’t be bothered to hold back your tears when you’re pretty sure you can hear Seokmin crying, too.

“How are you handling this by yourself? Why are you handling this by yourself?” he asks, and you can tell that he’s upset. Not at you, for sure. It’s the situation and the fact that he can’t really help that hurts him the most.

“What am I supposed to do, Seokmin? I can’t force him to like me back, nor can I force me to stop liking him. And he’s in a serious relationship, too, now,” your voice is so small that it breaks his heart. How can the universe be so cruel?

“Does he even know you’re unwell, at least?” he asks, pulling away so he can look at you.

“He does,” you smile almost bitterly. “He went to check on me the day after that because he said I looked even worse by the time we’re going home. After that he’s been checking up on me every few days to make sure I’m not stressed.”

Seokmin sighs in relief at your answer, though he notices the bitter tone. “Do you prefer he not?”

Playing with your fingers, you shake your head at him before answering. “I honestly don’t know. If he doesn’t check up on me then I’d be hurt, but if he does then this will just get worse. I’m not sure if there’s anything I prefer.”

Your friend is silent for a while, unsure on what to say. Seokmin has been acting weird lately, not that it’s bad. But he’s not his usual clumsy self with a well-meaning heart. He’s been very careful and collected, almost like he understands what’s happening.

When he stands up and strides towards your kitchen, you fall silent as your eyes follow his movement. “Do you have honey?”

At the shake of your head, he instead rummages through your fridge. You let him be, curious. A few seconds later, he lets out an “aha!” as he takes out half of a lemon. You don’t even remember what did you use the other half for.

He continues to do his stuffs, already well aware of what goes on your kitchen from the countless movie nights Hansol insists on holding in your apartment.

Hansol. You look down to the floor, even at the thought of him you can almost feel the spring blooming in your lungs; your eyes tearing up as it gets harder to breathe.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Seokmin is suddenly in front of you, kneeling so you can look at him properly as his hands holds your face gently. “Hey, look at me. Breathe with me, okay?”

You can only nod through the tears, trying to follow his steady breathing but you can feel the flowers coming up and you panic for some reason.

Seokmin stops what he was doing and instead pats your back repeatedly, encouraging you to let it out. “You don’t have to hold it in, okay? It’s just me. Don’t force them back, it’s not going to do you any good.”

Eventually, after your failed stubbornness of holding it in, you can’t anymore and daisies once again adorn your carpeted floor. You close your eyes as you bury your face in Seokmin’s neck, not wanting to see the flowers.

It’s a mess. A beautiful one but still a mess, nevertheless. You’re sick of seeing those pink daisies, their beauty mocking you. How can something as fragile as flowers be the cause of your misery?

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” his voice is so soft—so gentle that you want to cry again. It hurts and you feel helpless. “You did great. Drink this warm tea, okay? It will have to do for now.”

Seokmin pulls away a little, one arm still around you as he hands you a mug, one that you realize Hansol has gotten you from one of his trips abroad. Gosh, no wonder you’ve been coughing a lot worse these days. His trace is literally everywhere around you.

Or maybe it’s you making everything about him—it’s plausible.

“It would be better if it’s a warm peppermint tea with honey. But warm tea with lemon will help too,” he says, taking a seat beside you again. It hurts him to see you so… small, so afraid. Seokmin never thought he will ever witness someone close to him with hanahaki ever again.

He definitely does not wish for it, either. This is so fucked up it’s not even funny.

“How do you know so much, Seok?” you ask softly, voice hoarse.

He is silent for a second, and your imagination goes wild; did he catch it, too? But is he okay now? Does that mean he knows how to—

“Chaerin used to have it,” he answers after a while, his smile sad.

You gasp at the name of his late ex-girlfriend from two years ago. If falling into an unrequited love with your best friend hurts, how much would it hurt knowing your other half suffered an illness of the unrequited love when he was in a relationship and very much in love with her?

“Seok… Did she…” you can’t even construct an actual sentence, too shocked at the revelation.

He shakes his head, the faint trace of his tears gone as he blinks them back. “Yeah. She actually died because of it.”

“We… her parents said it would be better to say she passes because of some chronic illness. Which is also true, I guess. It’s the least we can do to protect her so people won’t say anything about her disease.” You can see Seokmin trembling, his hands balled in fists at the memory. You place your hands on top of his, hoping they will offer him comfort like his did you at that time.

You understand what he’s referring to. People who lose their battles against hanahaki mostly lost voluntarily. They can’t imagine living in a world without being able to feel anything if they have the root removed; but they are also unable to move on from the love their harbor. It wouldn’t be exaggerating to say they die of heartbreak.

A lot frown upon these people, not getting why one would rather leave the world because of something as abstract as love instead of living their lives without, well, feelings.

It’s cruel.

You didn’t realize just how much cruel the sickening feeling called love can be until you get this illness yourself. Why is your life at stake because some guy decides you’re just friends for him?

“Chaerin apologized thousands of times when she first had an episode in front of me. I know it’s not me falling out of love; she found love in someone else without meaning to.”

His voice is gentle, shaky even. So, you put your hand on his arm gently, making him look at you. “You don’t have to tell me, it’s okay.”

He smiles gratefully, though he knows you have never been one to pry. “We broke up not long after that, but I couldn’t just leave knowing she might as well be dying. I stayed as a friend and helped taking care of her until the very end.”

“She must’ve been thankful,” you say, still looking at him.

Your mind takes you back to two years ago, the puzzle finally fits. No wonder Seokmin was acting weird during those time; less warm and a lot of forced smiles—he was hurting and no one knew because he kept brushing it off as exam period getting to him due to his flunking grades. Not long after that, Chaerin passed away and you had assumed Seokmin knew she was ill, which brought him down. It isn’t far from the truth, except that he’s suffering a lot more than you thought he was.

“And very apologetic, too.” You can’t really tell what he’s feeling, but you can surely say the light in his eyes have dimmed down.

You don’t know how he can hold it together after laying all that to you; maybe he’s cried enough over this, maybe it doesn’t hurt him as much anymore.

After a few seconds of silence, Seokmin stands up again and makes his way to get the broom near your door. “I’ll clean this up.”

You decide to be selfish for once and let him be, not wanting to see the flowers yourself.

Not long after that, you can hear someone pressing the codes to your apartment. You look up to Seokmin in alert and he also turns to you, his hand holding the broom staying still.

There’s only two people who know the passcode to your apartment: Chaeyoung and Hansol.

And you know for a fact Chaeyoung is still back in Australia right now.

Hansol lets himself in, a bag of food in his hand as he tries to take off his shoes. He calls out your name and you share a panicked look with Seokmin as he just crunches down to gather the flowers with his hands to quicken the process.

“Hey, is someone visiting? I’ve been calling you but—oh, hi, Seokmin,” the younger guy blinks, suddenly halting his step.

“Hi,” he says awkwardly, hands crushing the few flowers left he is yet to clean up.

“What are you doing here?” Hansol asks good-naturedly, genuinely curious.

“He’s bored so he barges in as if it’s his place, like what you’re doing now,” you say, hoping the fake annoyance in your voice isn’t as noticeable.

Thankfully, Hansol just grins sheepishly, letting out a silent ‘oh’. “What are you throwing—oh, pink daisies!”

You swallow hardly, looking at Seokmin throwing away the last of the flowers. He sends you an apologetic gaze, and you just smile in defeat.

“Where did you get those from?” Hansol asks, the way that he sounds excited kind of hurts. “They seem fresh enough.”

“I… Uh… They…” you stutter, your mind suddenly stops working.

“Ooooh!!! What is this?” Seokmin cuts in, pulling out the food from the plastic bag. “Oh god, you brought stew?”

You mouth him a ‘thank you’ as Hansol turns to get utensils from the kitchen.

“Yeah. Asked my mom to make it because she’s sick,” he says, talking about you as if you’re not there. “She loves mom’s stew.”

“I’ll make sure to give her a call to thank her,” you say instead, sticking your tongue out at him. “Plus, who says I’m still sick?”

Hansol rolls his eyes as he sits down next to Seokmin on the floor, making you slip down from the sofa so you can eat with them.

“I’m glad if you’re not anymore, but I know mom’s stew always makes you feel better,” he replies, handing you a spoon.

You hold back a sigh. This. This is why you’re hopelessly in love with him and he’s not even aware. You should start taking precautions before it gets worse. But what?

“Thanks, Sol,” you say softly, eyes focused on the food instead of at him.

His response is almost immediate, and he sounds so genuine that you have no idea what to feel anymore. “You know I never mind when it’s you. Mom basically considers you her kid, too.”

Silence falls for a few moments, each of you focusing on the dish on the table. You think for a moment, something in the back of your mind tugs as if trying to stop you doing something stupid.

“How’s Seungkwan?” Seokmin chokes at your sudden question, not expecting you to bring up the person who’s, in a way, the cause of your misery.

Hansol’s face light up in the subtlest way, though of course you notice. You understand how deep it is when even the mention of a name is enough to bring a reaction out of someone.

“He’s good,�� he starts, patting Seokmin’s back until the older guy stops coughing. “He asks if you’re getting better because you seemed tired at that time. He’s been sending me some vitamin brands that might be good for you.”

You manage to let out a smile, your heart heavy but glad that Hansol finds someone who seems to genuinely care for his friends. “I hope that wasn’t a bad impression for him.”

Your best friend shakes his head in defense, as if your words offend him. “No, no, no. He understands that you’re not feeling well and he kind of feels sorry for making you go out when you’re sick.”

“What, he’s handsome, kind, and understanding? Can I steal him from you?” You ask jokingly, making Hansol laugh. His grin is so wide that you’re sure his cheeks must’ve hurt, but you know Hansol doesn’t mind. Not when his best friend is singing praises for his boyfriend.

You wonder if the heavy feeling in your heart is the reason why the flowers are yet to react.

“He also says you’re really pretty. Even asked if it never occurred to me to date you.” His tone is light and amused, and he’s shaking his head as if the idea has never occurred to him at all.

Seokmin chokes again at his words, and Hansol turns to him in disapproval. “Eat slowly, will you?”

You almost choke, too. But you catch the warm tea Seokmin has made for you on the corner of your eyes, and you gulp it down in one go, hoping it would help.

Seokmin stares at you for a moment before telling Hansol to get him some water. The younger guy is reluctant at first, but eventually complies as he says he needs to get up to go to the restroom anyway.

When Hansol leaves his seat and the door to the bathroom closes, Seokmin moves to sit beside you, asking you if you’re okay—though it’s clear that you’re not.

“Should I take him home? Would you rather be alone?”

You shake your head, and Seokmin has assumed you meant no, but you bury yourself on his shoulder whispering ‘I don’t know anymore, Seok, please.’

He lets you be, tears pricking his eyes at your defeated tone. He exhales as if to calm himself down, his hand caresses your head in comfort.

“Hey, are you okay?” Hansol suddenly asks, making Seokmin jump at his voice. Why did he not hear the bathroom door opening?

“Yeah, just feeling clingy,” you reason weakly, face still hidden behind your hair and buried on Seokmin’s shoulder.

Hansol looks at you weirdly, but does not push further. You’ve always been touchy, anyway. “If you’re feeling better, can we go out with Seungkwan again? I want you to actually befriend him, you know.”

It’s almost insensitive, the way Hansol keeps on saying these things. But you can’t blame him when he literally has no idea and just wishes for the people he cares about to get along.

“Just the three of us?” you ask, finally fixing your hair so you can look at him, your hand grips Seokmin’s arm for support.

“Would it be a problem?” he asks, genuinely confused.

You give him an unimpressed look. “How generous, inviting me to be a third-wheel to an event Seokmin is not invited to in front of Seokmin.”

“I know, right? What kind of manners,” Seokmin says, putting his hand on his heart as if he’s offended. Though you know he doesn’t actually mind.

Hansol clicks his tongue, not amused with the two of you ganging up on him. “Well, of course you can come, too. I just thought your work schedule would be harder to match with ours. Plus, we’ll have to schedule another meeting once Josh is back, though. He’ll whine again if not.”

You laugh along with Seokmin, agreeing. You can only hope the flowers won’t bloom during then.

“Okay, last chance to back out. I can just make something up,” Seokmin says, holding onto your shoulders, his figure towering over you.

“You’re literally shit at lying and Hansol will be pissed if I cancel. It’s okay, Seok. Plus, you’re there with me,” you tell him as if it’s obvious.

Matching schedules and whatnot are hard; it turns out. Seungkwan’s work sometimes demands him to work on weekend and, before you know it, it’s a month later that you finally manage to find a date where you’re all available—including Joshua.

Right now, you’re on your room making sure you don’t look tired (which is easier now, thankfully, because you’re getting better due to Seokmin’s vast knowledge on how to take care of you).

Seokmin texts you almost every day, and drops by at least three times a week (usually in the evening after work). You’ve always been close with him, but it’s kind of weird to be spending this much time with him out of nowhere. Nevertheless, you’re glad you don’t have to eat dinner alone or spend the wary night by yourself most of the time.

One time, Joshua drops by to bother you only to find Seokmin in your living room, two boxes of pizza on the coffee table. So, he joins the impromptu night, sending a selfie to a very upset Hansol who demands another pizza night because he’s caught up in his studio then.

Another time, Hansol is on his way to pick up a present he has ordered for Seungkwan, only to meet you and Seokmin at the mall by accident. He doesn’t mention the way your tense for a split second when you see him though he definitely notices. The three of you end up eating together in a dessert house because you’re craving for sweets and Hansol can’t say no to you.

Not even when he feels like you’re slipping away from him little by little.

You’ve learned that at times the episode happens because your mind literally takes you there. You’re not busy enough when you’re at home and everything reminds you of Hansol, and it spirals down from there.

When Seokmin finds out about this, he drags you shopping to buy a couple of new mugs and other mundane stuffs to replace ones Hansol has bought you. You don’t have the heart to throw them away, and neither does Seokmin, so you both opt to hide them on the very back at the highest shelf on your kitchen; one that you can’t reach even after standing on a chair. Hopefully, one day they will be brought out again when you don’t hold such sentimentalism anymore.

He even buys you some useless stuffs that is clearly just there to be pretty and take space on your table. But you don’t mind. You’d rather think of Seokmin’s panicked face as he held the very same puppy glass decoration from Daiso that he almost broke right there and then, rather than have flowers blooming in your lungs at the thought of your best friend.

You can still hear him cursing poor Mingyu, his roommate who’s not even there, blaming the tall guy for turning him clumsy too. You laughed so much at the time that Seokmin decides to buy it for you as a happy reminder of that day.

It would be a lie if you never wonder if Seokmin did this with Chaerin, too.

“Are we picking Shua up?” you ask as you put on your seatbelt. You’re pretty sure you’ve been in Seokmin’s car a lot more the past few months than last year put together. You usually ride with Hansol, and you definitely usually spend time together with him more than you do the rest.

“No, he says he might have to go back early because of work. So, he’s driving himself just in case.”

You chuckle. “Ah. The life of a young director.”

Seokmin laughs, Joshua hates it every time you refer to his position in the big-shot company he’s working in. “How do you feel these days?”

You know what he’s referring to, but you opt to joke around instead. “As if you haven’t seen me at least twice this week.”

He calls out your name seriously, worry lacing his tone.

You pout at him before sighing. “I’m better than last month. But it still happens sometimes. Mostly when I’m alone or, well, like that time in the car after we met Hansol at the mall.”

“Have you been talking to him?” he asks out of curiosity, eyes focused on the road.

“Yeah a few times. He texts me from time to time like usual, and he dropped by a few days ago not long after you left. Thankfully, I could somehow hold it in until he went home,” you fidget in your seat, remembering one of the worst episodes you’ve had in a month.

“For what?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why did he drop by for?”

You look at him weirdly, not sure you hear right. “Uh… you guys always do that? Frankly, Hansol hasn’t been dropping by as often as he used to. I’m guessing it’s because he has Seungkwan, too, now, and he mentioned things have been hectic in the studio.”

Seokmin doesn’t say anything but a small ‘oh, right’ and you just shrug at his weirdness, oblivious to his hands gripping the steering wheel a little tighter.

You arrive at the restaurant a little over 30 minutes later, waiting for Seokmin to get out of the car as you look around the venue, behind the restaurant building is a very tall maze garden. You’re pretty sure it’s Seungkwan who picks the place, you doubt Hansol knows about aesthetic place like this.

It’s a nice change from the usual malls and bars getaways you usually go to because none of you have it in you to look for pretty places that need a booking just to eat.

“Let’s go?” Seokmin says, standing beside you.

You nod, holding on to his arm out of habit.

“Last chance to back out?” he asks again, and he laughs when you hit his shoulder in annoyance. “Okay, okay. You know what to do when it’s about to… you know.”

“I know I’ll be okay as long as I stay beside you,” you tell him with a grin.

Seokmin hates the way his heart skips a beat at your words and your dazzling smile.

When you arrive at the table, everyone is already there, sipping on their drinks though no food is present.

“Hi, guys,” you greet them, making the three guys look up.

“Oh, hi!” Seungkwan chirps, waving his hand. “You look so pretty.”

You smile at him, sitting next to Joshua in front of Seungkwan while Seokmin takes the seat beside you. “You look pretty good yourself, too.”

Seungkwan turns to be the kind of person who can’t take compliments well, scrunching his nose cutely as he says a small thank you.

Hansol chuckles from beside him, and you eye the way he has his arm on top Seungkwan’s chair. It’s such an innocent, natural gesture, but your heart aches a little at the sight. You’re pretty sure the tight feeling in your heart is because you’re not used to seeing them together, yet.

You keep on telling yourself it will be okay once you get used to it. It will get less suffocating, and you will be able to fully be happy for the couple. You genuinely hope the time will come soon. Not only because you’re tired of this sickness, but because you hate yourself for feeling distaste towards your best friend’s glowing relationship.

You don’t want to be jealous, you really don’t. You just want to support him and be completely happy because he deserves it. It sucks that your subconsciousness sometimes chooses to be bitter about the source of his happiness.

You blink back to the reality once Joshua flicks your forehead. You look at him accusingly, covering the spot he hit with your hand.

“That was uncalled for!”

“We’ve been calling you, princess. Why did you zone out, anyway?” he says, reminding you to order something from the menu.

“Just because,” you say quickly, leaning to the older guy to see the menu. “What are you going to order?”

Joshua hums, flipping through the menu just at the right speed. “Maybe pasta? I’ve been looking at the menu since before you arrived and I still have no idea. What about you?”

“Hmm… Seungkwan have you eaten here? Do you have recommendations?”

The guy bites his lip, maybe a habit he does when he’s deep in thought. “I have, once. I ate roasted chicken, but my friend said the shrimp burger is pretty nice, too.”

“Ooh! I’ll have that, then!” Seokmin says instead, happy that he doesn’t have to flip around the menu anymore.

You turn from Joshua to see Seokmin, Hansol following your movement. “We literally had that yesterday.”

Hansol raises his eyebrows in surprise. He knows the two of you hang out a lot these days, courtesy of you telling him you’re with Seokmin almost 85% of the time he asks what you’re doing, but he doesn’t have a clear idea of how often you actually spend time with him.

“So? You had iced chocolate in the afternoon and ordered another at night,” Seokmin shrugs, satisfied that you’re unable to say anything back.

“You guys have been spending a lot of time together nowadays, haven’t you?” Joshua says after observing you two for a while, sounding everyone’s thoughts.

You just nod, taking a sip from Joshua’s drink. “He has a lot of free time and our schedules match, it turns out.”

Seokmin turns to you with mock pain in his face, pretending to have his heart broken by your words. “And here I thought you genuinely enjoy my company.”

You giggle at his antics, softly hitting his cheek, oblivious to the pair of eyes observing you.

“You still haven’t ordered, you know?” Hansol reminds you again, and you grin sheepishly in return.

“Is the roasted chicken big?” You turn to Seungkwan.

The guy doesn’t even get to answer when Seokmin says instead. “Just order it. I’ll eat the rest if you can’t finish it.”

“Okay!” you decide easily after that, and Joshua calls for the waiter to order. Hansol frowns a little, gripping the side of Seungkwan’s chair.

“You’re okay?” You ask Hansol who seems to be spacing off. Seungkwan turns to him, too, worried.

When Hansol only gives you a confused look, his hand relaxing a little. “You seem a little tense, that’s all.”

“Just a little hungry,” he settles as an answer. You accept his reason, though Hansol knows you don’t believe it. How was he supposed to tell you he’s not used to you depending on Seokmin and not him?

Not long after you’ve finished eating, Joshua excuses himself to take a phone call, glaring at you when you jokingly call him Mr. Director as the rest just laugh at your word.

“I’m gonna go to the restroom,” Seokmin and Seungkwan say almost at the same time, making you and Hansol turn to them in fascination. The two guys look at each other before breaking into a laugh.

When you’re left with Hansol, you play with your drink, swirling around the ice cubes with your straw.

“I feel like it’s been so long since we get to hang out—just the two of us,” Hansol says, eyes boring to yours.

“Didn’t we hang out, like, a week ago when you came to my apartment? How’s that thing in the studio going, anyway?” you ask back, trying to pretend like his gaze isn’t affecting you in all the wrong way.

“Yeah, but I mean… We barely go out these days…” because you’re always out with Seokmin, he wants to continue.

You nod, pretending to think as if you don’t already know it’s true. “You did say you’ve been holed up in the studio these past few weeks, and I assumed the few days that you weren’t probably you spent with Seungkwan.”

Hansol frowns, not sure how to answer that. Yes, he’s been busy and so are you, but usually you both spare weekends or some random night to meet at least once a week. If he didn’t randomly go to your apartment that night, the last time he hung out just with you was… probably two months ago.

He doesn’t realize it’s been that long.

“I miss you, you know,” he tells you out of nowhere, his voice so gentle and genuine that it’s basically the sun your flowers needed to bloom. Damn it. You’ve been doing so well, managing to keep your emotions at bay, and this just has to happen now.

It has been easy enough to distract yourself because both Joshua and Seokmin are there. You’re more focused on the fact that it’s been so long since all of you gathered together, rather than thinking about the way Seungkwan and Hansol sit facing each other, bodies automatically leaning closer to seek warmth and comfort.

Now that practically everyone excuses themselves for a few fucking minutes, suddenly the wall you’ve built the whole day is threatening to fall just like that.

“I…” you swallow, breathing in and out as you try to force the flowers down somehow. “I miss you too, Sol.”

Tears are pricking your eyes as it gets harder to breathe; you can’t hold the flowers down anymore. Hansol and everyone in the restaurant is gonna witness you coughing pink daisies, and Hansol is gonna despise you forever—either for falling for him or for not telling him at all.

“Hey are you—” Hansol asks, noticing the way your breathing gets heavier and your eyes glossy.

“Hey, hey,” Seokmin cuts him off, suddenly appearing beside you. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay. Sshh… breathe with me, okay?”

Hansol witnesses the scene in front of him in horror: your face buried in Seokmin’s neck as your shoulders shake from crying, your hands gripping the front of his shirt so hard that Hansol is sure it’s gonna leave a mark. He doesn’t miss the way Seokmin’s arm protectively goes around your waist to hold your weight.

A bunch of questions run through his mind: Are you okay? Why does Seokmin look so composed? Has this been happening a lot? Why does he not know you’re sick?

It’s scary, not knowing what’s going on with you and not knowing how he can help. It’s stupid, but he’s so full of worry and he just can’t move.

He doesn’t even realize he’s been frozen in his seat until Seungkwan appears, immediately going to your other side before Seokmin shakes his head, standing up with you still in his embrace and takes you out of the restaurant.

“Please just… wait here, okay?” Seokmin has pleaded softly, telling both Seungkwan and Hansol not to follow him.

Under different circumstances, Hansol would’ve followed anyway, too worried to care about the warning when it’s his best friend suffering in front of his very eyes. But he’s seen the way you relaxed even for a split second the moment Seokmin comes into your vision, seen the way you cling to him as if your life depends on it.

He knows Seokmin knows what’s best to do for now and if waiting is what will make you better, then he will wait.

“She’s going to be okay, right?” Seungkwan asks, worried.

Hansol hates the fact that he doesn’t know the answer to that.

In the comfort that is Seokmin’s car, you finally let out all the flowers you’ve been holding back the whole day. The both of you sitting at the backseat as Seokmin holds you through it.

It’s weird; because it doesn’t hurt as much as it did the first time you cough out fully bloomed flowers. But it does hurt because it doesn’t seem to end, the daisies refusing to stop.

You have no idea how you look like right now. But Seokmin seems so collected and that alone is enough comfort, with one of his hand caressing your back and the other holding your hair—just like that very day when he found out you have hanahaki.

Once you’re done, you feel so lightheaded that you have to once again lean on Seokmin for support. He doesn’t seem to mind, not the tiniest bit. As if you did not just make a mess in his car. As if he hasn’t been going out of his way spending the last two months taking care of you when he doesn’t have any obligation to do so.

Gosh. What will you do without him?

“Hey? Any better?” he asks, his voice small. You wonder if the warmth that is his lips on top of your head is just something that you imagined.

“Yeah, it’s like they’ve been waiting to make their way out of my lungs,” you try to joke, but even to your ears you sound tired and miserable.

“Petals,” Seokmin says without any context, making you open your eyes to see a whole lot of pink petals fulfilling the floor of his car.

“They’re back to petals—why?” you ask, eyes wide at the fragile petals before turning to look at Seokmin.

He shakes his head, unsure himself. “I… I don’t know. This is a good thing, though—right? Petals don’t suffocate you as much as flowers, right?”

It’s endearing, really, the way Seokmin sounds more relieved than you probably are.

As you nod to confirm his claim, you know for sure this time you’re not just imagining the feeling of his lips on your forehead.

[15:13] Seokmin: Sorry I have to take her home

[15:13] Seokmin: I know everyone is worried

[15:13] Seokmin: But shes okay now

[15:13] Hansol: is she really ok?

[15:14] Hansol: can I come to check on her?

[15:14] Shua: Yes, can we?

[15:16] Seokmin: Yes

[15:16] Seokmin: But myb in a few hours

[15:16] Hansol: youre gonna stay w her?

[15:16] Seokmin: Yes

[15:17] Seokmin: Will tell when it’s okay to come over

[15:17] Seokmin: I’m gonna drive now

[15:17] Seokmin: See you guys later

[15:18] Shua: Drive safe. We’ll be there in a few hours.

[17:23] Seokmin: You can come now

[17:23] Seokmin: Shes been sleeping

[17:24] Shua: on our way.

Seokmin is in the kitchen making tea when the group comes inside, courtesy of Hansol knowing the passcode of your apartment.

“What’s happening to her? Is she okay?” Hansol says, crossing the room only in a few strides as he stands in front of Seokmin. The distress in his face—let alone his voice—is clear as days.

The older guy looks up to see Joshua and Seungkwan, Joshua sits down while the latter is standing awkwardly, as if not sure it’s okay for him to be there. He can see Joshua telling him to sit down, though he still looks awkward in your apartment.

Seokmin tells Hansol to join Seungkwan and Joshua first, that he’ll try to explain to everyone.

“Is she okay?” Joshua asks too once both Seokmin and Hansol sit down.

“She is, but her head was pounding from earlier so she asked me to just take her home,” he says while his mind is busy running the story you’ve both agreed on if this ever happens.

It’s up to him to keep your secret and for once, maybe that time in high school when his class forced him to be the main character in a musical for a talent show will help him lie act well in front of his friends.

“What’s happening?” Hansol sounds so worried, confused. It’s the first time Seokmin ever sees him wearing his emotions right on his sleeve and he honestly can’t blame him.

“She…” he hesitates, hoping they’d take his stuttering and the hesitance in his face is purely due to worry. “Uh… She… We’re not sure, yet. But… but, sometimes she has a hard time breathing and we still… we still don’t know what triggers it.”

“Has this been happening a lot?” Joshua asks, seemingly to be the calmest person in the room though he, too, is worried beyond control.

“Sometimes twice a week. But she’s getting better. It’s been a month or so since the last time it was this bad.” he answers, surprised that it’s easy to say because it’s not exactly a lie. You have been getting better.

“Is…” Hansol starts, his feelings all over the place. Seungkwan puts his hand on his arm to calm him down a little, which thankfully works. “Is that why you’ve been with her a lot these days?”

Seokmin hesitates at first, but he eventually nods his head at the question. He didn’t expect them to just accept this easily, but it seems like they take Seokmin as someone who’s very capable of doing something like this out of his own will and it’s not surprising at all.

He looks up at your best friend, face buried in his own hands out of frustration. He wonders how Hansol will feel if he knows the reason why you’re sick is his own self.

“Why…” Hansol says again, his voice cracking. “Why didn’t she say anything to me? To us?”

“I’m not sure,” he says, downright lying, his eyes casting to the ground. “But she did say she does not want anyone to worry, plus we’re still not sure where did this even come from.”

“How did you find out?” Hansol is very glad Joshua asks this question, not having the confidence to say it himself.

“She… we were going somewhere when she had an episode in front of me,” he manages to answer, omitting so many parts of the story.

The apartment falls silent after that, and Seokmin genuinely feels sorry for Seungkwan who’s practically new to the circle. He probably isn’t sure if it’s okay to tag along to your apartment in the first place.

“Can I come in? I want to see her.” His voice is so small, dripping with concern, and he quietly stands up to make his way to your room the moment Seokmin nods his head.

“You’re not going?” Seokmin asks, turning to Joshua.

The older guy shakes his head, sighing. “Later. I know Vernon has been worried out of his mind and would rather be alone with her for now.”

Seokmin nods, then offers a hesitant smile to Seungkwan. “I’m sorry, it must be awkward for you.”

The latter just shakes his head, though he can see the way Seungkwan is biting his lower lip. “I know we haven’t known each other for long. But I know Vernon really cares for you guys, especially [Y/N]. And if I’m this worried seeing her this way, I can only imagine how it is for all of you.”

Joshua and Seokmin force out a smile, knowing what Seungkwan exactly means.

In your room, Hansol is sitting on the floor next to your bed as he observes you sadly. His places his hand on top of yours, his mind running through all fort of things.

“When was the last time I take care of you, hm?” he asks quietly, the silence in your room seems to be getting louder.

“Do you know how worried I was? I’ve never seen you this way and, the next thing I know I’m a shitty friend because I had no idea my best friend has been suffering for at least a month now,” he continues talking, his thumb caressing your knuckle.

You stir a little, a frown on your face as if in a nightmare; as if you’re in pain. Hansol is quick to gently wave his fingers through your hair, knowing that relaxes you every time you’re scared or even stressed.

And you do seem more relaxed, though, not a minute after your eyes groggily open, still heavy with sleep.

Hansol stays silent as quietly hands you a bottle of water sitting on your end table. You don’t say anything, too, just a whisper of ‘thanks’ as you try to sit up.

“Hansol?” you finally say, looking at him, and he’s glad you don’t seem sick though he notices how tired you are.

What you say next breaks his heart. “Where’s Seokmin?”

“Oh… he’s outside with Seungkwan and Shua,” he tells you, dejected. “Should I call him?”

He’s not sure why the shake of your head eases his heart a little. “How are you feeling? Seokmin says you have a hard time breathing at times?”

Of course, you think to yourself. Of course, Seokmin will end up needing to say that story you have put together. It’s not exactly made up, either, remembering the flowers really make it hard to breathe.

“Ah… yeah. I’m okay now, just needed a little rest. I’m sorry for ruining the day,” you say, genuinely upset at the turns of event.

“Why would you be sorry? It’s okay. It’s me who has to be sorry, I couldn’t even do anything to help.” Hansol clenches his jaw at the memory, hating how he just sat there, not knowing what to do.

“No, no, no. It’s okay. I wouldn’t know too if I was you. Seokmin… uh… has a bit of experience, so he knows how to help,” you tell him, a bit upset that Hansol is blaming himself.

The both of you fall silent for a moment, suddenly not knowing what else to say. Fortunately, Joshua opens the door to your room.

“Oh! You’re awake? How are you feeling? My poor baby,” Joshua says, entering the room and immediately pulling you into a bear hug. Seokmin and Seungkwan follow in not long after, Seokmin has to tell him repeatedly that you wouldn’t mind him in the room.

“Young director wasn’t called to work?” you ask, trying to lighten up the mood.

Joshua just shakes his head in amusement, dropping a kiss on top of your head. “Young director has a friend he needs to take care of.”

You giggle at him, hitting his shoulder. “I am flattered.”

“Who says the friend is you? It’s Seokmin. Poor guy is alone taking care of you,” Joshua shoots back, and you just snicker in return, looking at Seokmin and Seungkwan together.

“Hey, Seungkwan,” you address him, feeling bad that the both time you hang out with him end up this way. “I’m sorry for the bad impressions. I swear I’m not usually sick all the time.”

The guy immediately shakes his head, making his way to you, next to his boyfriend. “Oh, no! I’m glad you’re better now. Have you taken your medicines?”

You turn to Seokmin, why, you’re not sure, but the gesture isn’t missed by Hansol. “I… uh… haven’t gone to the doctor yet.”

“Why?” Seungkwan asks, surprised. “Seokmin says you’ve been like this for at least a month. You should have it checked.”

You’re glad that he sounds genuinely concerned for you, someone he barely knows. But how are you supposed to tell him there’s no medicine for your illness?

“It doesn’t happen really often,” you manage to sprout lies on the spot. “So, I didn’t think it was necessary. I’ll go if it happens again, I promise.”

To be frank, Hansol isn’t satisfied with your answer. He’s not sure what you’re hiding nor why, but he knows you and Seokmin well enough to know there’s something you both are hiding. He doesn’t want to push, though, at least not now.

“I’ll send you some vitamin that might help with your immune, okay? You’ll know when it arrives,” Seungkwan offers good-naturedly and you already know the guy won’t take no as an answer, so you just smile gratefully at him.

“What time is it? Have you guys eaten dinner?” You ask, feeling somewhat suffocated in your room. “Should we order something?”

The lot of you decide to have a movie night because everyone is already here, anyway. You’ve finished dinner and tomorrow is Sunday, so no one sees the need to rush home because everyone seems to want to take care of you. Even Seungkwan.

“Your tea,” Seokmin nudges you, having gone back from the kitchen to get you the usual tea. You mutter a small thanks, telling him to sit next to you on the sofa. Hansol frowns at the familiarity, it almost feels like Seokmin basically lives here.

He wonders once again if it’s been that long since he hangs out with you. Everything that you usually do with him has shifted to Seokmin. He’s not sure when did this happen, whether it’s purposeful or not. But he knows for sure that even if you and Seokmin are close friends to begin with, it’s not to this extend.

“Is that peppermint?” Seungkwan asks, picking up the faint smell.

“Yuppp,” you say, taking a sip from the mug. Hansol turns to you, and you look at him with confusion. Assuming he wants to taste the tea, you hand it to him only for him to look at you weirdly.

“You drink your tea warm?” he asks, knowing well you love your drinks cold. “You barely even drink tea?”

You blink at him, at loss of words. “Ah… um…”

“It helps calming her down,” Seokmin answers helpfully. “My… friend used to drink this before, said it helps.”

The way your eyes shift sadly to Seokmin doesn’t go unnoticed, and it’s starting to get on Hansol’s nerves. He doesn’t know how many times he’s caught the secret, knowing glance you’ve shared with the older guy.

“So, what are we watching?” Joshua asks, sitting on the floor near you, leaning on the feet of the sofa you’re sitting at.

“I don’t mind anything,” you say, leaning your head on Seokmin’s shoulder.

“You want to have the honor, Boo Seungkwan? This is your first movie night with us, after all,” Seokmin offer, looking at the guy.

“The honor of being decisive?” he asks, earning a laugh from all of you.

A few hours later, whatever movie Seungkwan has randomly chosen is long forgotten. Joshua passes out on the floor, Seungkwan falls asleep holding the small cushion, and you’re settled in Seokmin’s shoulder while the guy is leaning back on your head.

Hansol simply watches the scene in front of him from the kitchen, having been woken up by his bladder a few minutes ago. It’s almost 3 in the morning and everyone’s still here because no one seems to be eager to leave you after witnessing such episode.

He kinds of get why Seokmin stays around. That’s just the kind of person that he is; caring and selfless. His eyes settle on the sight of Seokmin and his best friend, cuddled together like it’s the most natural thing to do.

Maybe it is. He doesn’t know anymore.

Hansol looks back on the past few months, a question lingering in his mind. Has he been neglecting you? Has he been too caught up with his work and his newfound relationship that he forgets about you? Sure, he’s been spending less time with you, but he doesn’t think it’s to the point where he neglects you.

Looking down at the glass he’s holding, he notices it’s a new one he’s yet to see. A very weird thing to notice, but that’s just how much intertwined your life is with his. He looks around the kitchen, wondering why he feels alien in a place that’s basically his other home.

Another weird thing to notice; he can’t find the mug he bought you from a long time ago, one that you always say is your favorite and always drinks from. He remembers teasing you once about it; asking why you always use that mug. You had just shrugged, telling him it’s cute and you like using it.

He also doesn’t see the pink daisy ceramic he got you from last year. It’s just a cute decoration that he thinks you’d like and bought on impulse; you’ve always liked cute decorations, after all. In its original place is a puppy decoration, he wonders where did you get it from. Probably Seokmin.

He frowns at the thought. What on earth is he doing? Why would he be bitter at the thought of Seokmin buying you stuffs? He should be glad that someone is taking care of you during this time. Not upset that you’re replacing—wait.

Is it you that’s getting further from him? Did he do something wrong? Did he upset you?

Hansol sighs. He knows thinking about this by himself will not do him any good. He’ll have to talk to you.

His eyes wander to your figure, safely nestling in Seokmin’s warmth. He doesn’t realize how much he’s missed yours against his.

[17:32] You: SOS!!!!

[17:32] You: SOS!!!!!!!!

[17:33] You: SOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEOKMIN!!!!!!!!!!

[17:37] You: oh god ur on a meeting arent u?

[17:37] You: hansol texted me saying he wanna talk

[17:38] You: im so scared D:

[17:38] You: do u think he found out?

[17:41] You: he said hes gna be here in 15 mins

[17:42] You: wish me luck

[17:42] You: if I die u kno why

[18:19] Seokmin: Oh god im sorry I was in a meeting

[18:20] Seokmin: ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[18:20] Seokmin: That is NOT something to joke around

[18:20] Seokmin: Are you still talking to him?

[18:25] Seokmin: ????????? Hello???????

[18:27] (1) Missed Call from Seokmin

[18:32] Seokmin: Will go to your place as soon as I’m off work

[18:34] Seokmin: Please be okay

It’s not surprising that you’re coughing daisies the moment you read Hansol’s text. Did he find out somehow? Does that mean Seungkwan know? Is he going to end your friendship?

You should’ve told Hansol you were not home. Should’ve told him you promised Chaeyoung to go to her apartment and make sure everything’s good. But no—how were you supposed to know when Hansol asked if you’re home (he knows you have the day off) it would be because he wants to talk? What a sentence to send your anxiety up through the roof.

He’s been extra conscious around you since that day, you notice. Maybe he’s scared you’ll be having difficulty breathing again, maybe he… found out somehow? You exhale a deep breath, closing your eyes.

Seokmin just has to be having a meeting at this time. The thought of him calms you down a little; you imagine the way he clasps your face in his hands, telling you to breath and focus on him.

It helps.

But you wish it’s him right now calming you down and not a fragment of your imagination.

Once you’re calm enough, you look down at the petals on your sofa and clean them up as best as you can. You throw them away to the bin in your kitchen, hoping Hansol won’t have any business looking through your trash.

You’re still trying to go through Seokmin when Hansol arrives, casually coming into your apartment as if he didn’t send you something so vague that almost trigger a heart attack.

“Have you eaten?” is the first thing he says. He doesn’t sound angry—he doesn’t sound anything, to be honest. You can’t tell. It’s frustrating.

“Just a few snacks, did you bring food?” you answer, making your way to the kitchen where Hansol is opening up the plastic bag.

Hansol just hums. “Got you some chicken.”

“Oooh,” you exclaim excitedly, trying to act like you’re not scared out of your mind.

He sets out another plastic bag, smaller. “Here’s some vitamin from Seungkwan. He’s about to have them delivered but I told him I’m meeting you anyway.”

Your heart clenches a little at the name, albeit still thankful for the guy. “I’ll send him a DM to say thanks.”

“Let’s eat?” he turns to you, though his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

“It’s been so long since we eat together like this, right?” you say, not believing it’s you who’s saying it.

“Yeah. I’ve been busy in the studio and our schedules seem to never meet these days,” he says. You know what he’s saying: you haven’t been trying to make your schedules work around each other.

You look down guiltily, glad that Hansol is focusing on his food. “I’m sorry. It’s just been really hectic. Is all good in the studio?”

Both you and Hansol know it’s a very lame attempt on changing the topic, but he lets it pass for now. “Yeah. Jihoon has been helping me a lot, I can’t thank him enough, really.”

“Are you working together? Or is he just helping you?” you ask, recognizing the name.

“Both, I guess. Sometimes he’s just helping me, but we do have an ongoing work together,” he shrugs.

You feel bad, you really do. If you have to ask Hansol about his works in the studio instead of him blabbing about it himself, it means you’ve gone long enough not talking to him.

You’re lost. You can’t possibly ignore Hansol little by little and expect him to be okay with it. But going on with your life like before isn’t a choice with hanahaki growing inside your body. There’s no right way to do it. You can’t imagine living without feelings, either. It’s much too scary even compared to living this way.

Maybe ignoring him little by little until he’s fed up with you might be a good choice. Maybe that would result in you moving on because you’ll see him less and less. But can you live in a world without Hansol? Romantic feelings or not, he is your best friend and you, his. What you have with him is much too wonderful to let go of.

It’s getting clear to you why some people decide to hold on til the very end to the point of risking their own lives. There’s no way out of this, even more for an emotional being like you. You can only hope your body is able to hold on until your feelings pass.

You’ve let go of the possibility of Hansol returning your feelings since a long time ago. You know how Hansol sees you. You’re his best friend, another sister that he loves and cares for with all his heart.

You don’t even know how you fall in this mess, how you end up liking your best friend to this point—how the sight of him with someone he loves brings tears to your eyes. It’s never been like this; you’ve always supported his relationships with all you’ve got; never bitter and somewhat jealous.

Deep in your thought, you don’t realize Hansol has been starring at you this whole time; wondering what goes through your mind. When he realizes you’ve long since abandoned the food in front of you, he chooses to quietly pushes them aside and does what he comes for.

“Can I ask you something?” his voice is quiet, and no one would be able to catch the hesitance in his voice other than you.

“Of course,” you tell him, your voice just as quiet. Your heart is beating so fast that you’re sure Hansol could’ve heard it if he tries.

“Did I do something that upset you?” he looks up, meeting your eyes.

If only he knows how backward his assumption is.

“Why would you ask that?” you ask back instead, though you know for sure he’s noticed you’ve been making distance between the two of you.

Hansol knows you know, but he will go on your pace if it means he’ll get to the end of it. “I feel like you’ve been keeping yourself from me, you know? I didn’t even know you’re sick and suddenly we found out you’ve been sick for at least a month. And it’s not even something small like cold—you literally have a hard time breathing.”

You bite down your lip, not knowing how to approach this in a way that doesn’t hurt your best friend. “It’s just… I know you’ve been busy with work a lot more than before and I don’t want you to worry too much, you know?”

“Come on, we know each other better than that,” he finally says, not buying your reason at all.

“I…” you sigh, not liking having to lie to him of all people. “At first I didn’t think it was that bad. But it got worse and it kinda scares me. I feel like… talking about it will make it real so I’m reluctant to talk about it, Sol.”

“But it’s fine that Seokmin knows?”

Ah. There it is. The first tone of annoyance. You’ve been expecting it, to be honest, but you didn’t think it would come with the mention of Seokmin.

“You do know he finds out by accident, right? It just happens that he has a friend who went through similar things so he’s been helping me,” you answer calmly, it’s not too far off the reality, anyway.

“Does it not occur to you that I’d like to know if my best friend is sick?”

“Look, I’m sorry that you have to find out that way, okay? It’s just been really scary to me and…,” you pause to inhale before exhaling again, worrying Hansol. “And I know you’ve been busy with work and you seem so happy with Seungkwan that—”

“What?” he cuts you off, not expecting Seungkwan to actually come up. “What does this have to do with him?”

You hold a hand up, coughing a little. Fortunately, there’s no petals in sight. “I know you, Sol. I have never seen you this happy with someone and I’m glad you find him. But you’ve been really happy these days and I don’t want you to worry.”

“Do you realize how stupid you sound?” he asks, coming off harsher than he thought he would. “That’s not a good reason not to tell me you’ve been suffering by yourself!”

You can feel anger bubbling inside you at the way he’s almost screaming. You can’t fully blame him, you realize, but it doesn’t mean his words hurt any less. “Well, I’m sorry if I want my best friend to be happy and spend his time with his boyfriend instead of worrying about me!”

“Where does this even come from?” he demands, and you can tell that he’s more annoyed than he is angry. “You’ve never been like this even when I was in a relationship before. You always tell me things anyway! What changes?!”

“It’s different, okay?!” you scream back at him, though Hansol is nowhere as loud as you are. “It’s not the same and it doesn’t matter! Shouldn’t it be good that you don’t have to take care of me, anyway?”

Hansol looks at you in disbelief, hurt that you would think he’d be glad not having to take care of you. “Why does it not matter that you’re hiding things from me? Do you think I take you as a burden? Or are you telling me you’d rather have Seokmin take care of you rather than me? Is that it?”

Hansol isn’t sure how you’re feeling right now. But he immediately regrets his words when he catches the sight of tears in your eyes. He never thought the conversation would turn this way. At most, he thought you’ll just eventually spill whatever’s been going on with Seokmin, not a big fight where you’re screaming and seemingly out of breath and—

He immediately scrambles to your side, unsure what to do but he figures holding you should be the first step—that’s what Seokmin did, right?

You weakly try to push him away, though to Hansol it just feels like you’re placing your hand on his chest. “Are… are you okay?”

It is then that he hears the front door opening, Seokmin coming through and immediately pulls you away from him, so gently that Hansol doesn’t even have it in him to be annoyed. He can still hear the guy panting, probably from rushing here. Did you tell Seokmin to come? Knowing he will be here? Why?

Hansol can see you trembling, coughing over and over again in Seokmin’s embrace. “Hansol can you—”

“No, I won’t leave,” he cuts the older guy off, already knowing what he’s going to say. Why would he ask him to leave when there’s a more important matter at hand? When you’re like this?

“Hansol, please,” he pleads, and Hansol can tell that he doesn’t mean anything bad, but he just doesn’t understand why he needs to leave and it’s frustrating to say the least.

He can see you shaking your head at Seokmin, whispering something that’s not for him to hear.

“But—” he can hear Seokmin say, but you just shake your head some more and Seokmin looks at you with worry. Hansol feels like this is something that he shouldn’t be witnessing; a scene so intimate and he feels like an outsider. And it’s just so so wrong for him to feel this way in your presence. You’re his best friend, his shoulder to lean on when everyone’s against him.

Hansol looks at you in concern when your coughing won’t stop, your face still hiding from his sight as your forehead leans on Seokmin’s shoulder. He notices the way one of your hands is gripping Seokmin’s flannel so hard and your other hand—

Is that daisies?

He rubs his eyes a little, thinking he’s seen wrong. But when you finally stop coughing only to lay helplessly in Seokmin’s arms, he gets a clear view of your other hand relaxing and the pink petals falling down from your grip.

Hansol looks up in disbelief, hoping Seokmin will say something—anything. It can’t be what he thinks it is, right?

But Seokmin doesn’t say anything, just carries you to your room with petals trailing down his steps.

“How long has it been going on?” his voice is much too quiet, so weak and full of guilt.

Seokmin closes the door behind him, readying himself for whatever talk is about to come. “Are you sure you want to hear this from me?”

“Do you think she’ll tell me?”

“Seeing the way she gives up hiding from you earlier? Who knows,” he shrugs, taking a seat in the sofa near Hansol.

Seokmin never thinks he will see the day Hansol’s voice falters from holding back tears. “Will she be okay?”

“You know we have no way of knowing that,” he answers truthfully, feeling bad for the guy.

“Didn’t you say it was getting better? Is that a lie?” he asks again, his feelings all over the place.

“Yes, she was getting better. But we’re not sure why. She…” Seokmin cringes a little, not liking having to remember the time you were suffering most. “There was a time when she was coughing actual flowers. It’s just petals now, which is better, but we’re not sure why it turned back to petals.”

Hansol is quiet for a while, processing the whole thing. That’s why you’ve been distancing yourself from him. Because that’s the only thing you can try to do to fix this illness. He’s not sure if it’ll even work, he knows how you are and you tend to love hard. He never thinks he��ll be at the receiving end of your romantic love, even more when he’s in a serious relationship that has little to no problem.

It’s clear now. It’s clear and it’s so so fucked up that he refuses to believe it. Why… why would you even fall for him that way?

That’s why you’ve been hiding it from him, he realizes. You already know he would try to help with everything that he can even if there’s really no way for him to help. He’d blame himself and it will just get worse after that. You were doing him a favour, making things easier for the both of you by enduring it alone.

“I’m…” he says again, having calmed down. “Is there anything I can help with?”

Seokmin shakes his head sadly. It’s always this question when it comes to hanahaki. And the answer is always no, there’s no way to force feelings turn certain ways at your own will.

“How do you help her?” he asks again, making the older guy turn to him in confusion.

“I’m just here to help her when she needs me to. I… I don’t actually help with the disease,” he answers truthfully.

Raising one of his eyebrows up, he observes the older guy carefully. “And that’s why you’re with her like… almost every day?”

“Dude, this is not the time to be talking about this,” he tries to reason, knowing well enough where the conversation is going.

The room falls silent again, both men are full of their own thoughts. Hansol is distressed, that much Seokmin can tell, but he’s somehow shifted back to his calm self after a few moments of silence and thinking to himself. It’s something that Seokmin has envied of the younger guy: how calm and collected he is. In fact, today is probably the most Hansol has ever lost his calm even only for a while.

“I’ve seen the way you look at her, you know?” Hansol starts, his voice barely a whisper, and Seokmin is about to deny whatever Hansol is going to say but he won’t let him. “And I’ve seen how good you take care of her and how protective you are towards her. If there’s anyone who deserves her between the two of us, it’s you.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Seokmin harshly says, shaking his head. “It doesn’t work that way. She’s sick because of her feelings for you and it doesn’t matter how I feel about her.”

Hansol exhales, Seokmin’s words hurt but he understands where he’s coming from. “This is really not my place to say but she’s there. She’s just in denial and thinks she’s still in love with me because of the flowers. But—”

“The flowers do not lie, Hansol.”

“Yeah, that’s why they’re turning back into petals, don’t you think?” he finally says, trying to sound convincing thought he’s not absolutely sure himself.

“You’ve been spending so much time with her, right? And just like you’ve started falling for her, she has, too. Just… maybe she doesn’t believe she can move on that fast—because that’s how she is. She loves hard and deep. But maybe—”

“That’s why it’s not possible, Hansol. She loves someone else now there’s no way—”

“No! Listen to me,” he demands, surprising the older guy. “Just like I’ve seen the way you look at her, I’ve seen the way she looks at you. She depends on you so much. Fuck, she looks for you the moment she woke up the other day, does that mean nothing?”

Shaking his head, Seokmin sighs again at Hansol. “She’s just used to having me at times like that.”

“That’s exactly it, hyung!” he exclaims, starting to get frustrated. “You know her. She’s independent, would rather suffer alone rather than ask for help. But you’ve been her shelter this whole time and she doesn’t mind being weak in front of you. She seeks your comfort like it’s the most natural thing to do, because, maybe, for her, it is.”

Hansol can see the gears turning in Seokmin’s head, he knows him well enough to know he’s considering his words very carefully. “Please just… think about what I said, okay?”

When Hansol stands up to leave, Seokmin looks up at him, confused. “Where are you going?”

“Back,” he simply says. “As much as I want to, I don’t think it’s me she should be seeing right now. She’d need time before facing me. Tell her I’ll come back tomorrow. Take care of her well in my stead, okay?”

Seokmin hasn’t answered when the door closes.

“Seokmin?” your sleepy voice greets him, eyes barely open. He can feel his heart warming; you’re barely awake and the first thing you do is to look for him. Not Hansol. Him.

“Am here,” he says, helping you sit up. “Drink this. I’ll go make some tea, okay?”

You take the water bottle from his hand, nodding slowly. “What happened to Hansol?”

“I’ll tell you later, don’t worry,” he says vaguely, and you just nod at his words.

Hearing how empty the apartment is, you guess Hansol has gone back. Maybe Seokmin has convinced him to do so, maybe he’s so mad that he leaves. You have no idea. You don’t even have the courage to check your phone, afraid there would be messages from Hansol, or even Seungkwan telling you to get out of their lives. They’re not that kind of person, you know, but today has been mentally exhausting and everything suddenly seems plausible.

Maybe it’s for the better that you pass out so you don’t have to face Hansol immediately.

“You okay?” Seokmin’s voice drags you out of your thoughts, calming you down within seconds along with the smell of peppermint.

“Just… disoriented. What happened?” you ask, taking the cup from him as he sits down beside you on the bed. When did it get so normal for Seokmin to do this, you wonder? Going in and out of your room, making teas, sitting on your bed.

“He… asks how long has it been and how are you holding up,” he sums up, unsure how to tell you the later part of his conversation with your best friend.

“Is he… mad?” you ask, your voice small. Seokmin notices the way you’re holding the cup a little too tight, so he takes it away from you and places his hand in yours instead. A habit you’ve both developed when one is fidgety.

He shakes his head, much to your relief. “Just… upset that there’s nothing he can do to help. He leaves because he says you’ll need time before facing him, and it might be better if I’m the only one you see once you wake up.”

You smile a little before taking your place in Seokmin’s shoulder. The talk with Hansol about Seokmin makes you a little too aware of the things you do with the guy, have you always been this close with him? That you crave his warmth when seeking for comfort?

“He’ll be back tomorrow, though,” Seokmin continues, much to your dismay.

“So much for giving me time.” You sigh, already tired for tomorrow. “Will you be there?”

The finger that was caressing your knuckle stops, making you look up at him. “I… I don’t think I should? Wouldn’t it be better if you can talk it all out with him?”

You frown, the thought of facing Hansol without Seokmin scares you a little. But you know he’s right. It’s about time you talk to Hansol about everything. “Will you be there once it’s done, then?”

Seokmin almost blushes at your innocent question. He can’t think of a time where you’re this dependent on others. “As long as you want me to.”

You chuckle a little, snuggling further into his shoulder. “Why would I not want you around me?”

Seokmin is sure you can hear his loud heartbeat from where you’re at. He closes his eyes, thinking about Hansol’s words. It doesn’t seem possible, and he doesn’t want to take the risk of losing your friendship. But what if…?

“Are you okay?” you ask, now facing him. He’s been too quiet for your liking.

Seokmin looks at you, his gaze making you feel warm for reasons that you’re not sure of. When he cups your face in his hands, you don’t know why you let him be and not question him even for a second.

His thumb caresses your cheek softly, and you feel yourself drowning in his eyes.

“Can I… try something?” he whispers, and you can feel his breath fanning your face.

Deep down, you know what he’s about to do. You’ve watched enough movies, read enough fictions to know where this is going, and yet you just nod and let him do whatever he’s planning to do. But you shouldn’t, right? You’re in love with Hansol, right? You shouldn’t let Seokmin—

Any further thought you might have is lost once his lips meet yours. They’re soft, and so warm, and it feels like a fleeting dream because he pulls away almost immediately.

He blinks continuously, eyes wide as if he just realizes what he did. You can tell he’s about to apologize, but you don’t see anything he should be sorry for. So, before he can say anything, it’s your turn to hold his face in your hands and kisses him again like you’ve always been wanting to do it.

The kiss is longer now, but there’s no rush between your kiss. Just your lips against his, over and over again. You don’t know if you’ve ever kissed someone and feel so warm inside. Almost like, for once, the flowers within you are happily blooming instead of demanding to get outside.

This is wrong, right? You shouldn’t be doing this with him when both you and him know for sure there’s flowers inside you because of a love left alone.

It doesn’t seem to matter for now, though, your lips melting with each other like your lives depend on it. Your head says it’s so wrong yet it doesn’t feel so. Not even the tiniest bit. His touch is nothing but gentle and your whole body seems to be on fire from his lingering warmth. You have somehow ended up on his lap, one of his arms around your waist and his other hand is on the back of your neck.

“I…” Seokmin says breathily, his forehead against yours.

You shake your head, head once again making its way to his shoulder. You don’t know if you can look at him in the eyes. “Don’t apologize.”

“Okay,” he simply says, fingers waving through your hair.

It’s a shame no one is able to see the smiles gracing both your and Seokmin’s face.

“He kissed you, didn’t he?”

“Chwe Hansol!”

“He so did,” Hansol grins from across you and you can’t believe that’s the first thing he tells you once he arrives.

You don’t say anything back, just buries yourself further into the cushion in your arms as your face is red from embarrassment.

He smiles in return, though his heart is still heavy with the fact that you’ve been suffering for months because of him.

Hansol sits down beside you, his arms itching to hug you but he’s not sure if you’re comfortable enough. He settles to play with the ring in his finger, facing you. “How… how are you feeling?”

“I’m much better now, I promise,” you say softly, still unable to look at Hansol in the eyes. At least the atmosphere isn’t as heavy as you thought it would be.

“How long has it been going on?” he asks, though there’s no pressure in his voice.

“4 or 5 months, I think,” you tell him, fidgeting in your seat.

“You know I’m not mad, right?”

You look up at your best friend at last, it pains you that his eyes seem hesitant, as if he doesn’t know what to make of this situation. But, then again, who would?

“Yes, I’m upset that you’ve been going through this. But I understand that it wouldn’t be easy to tell me,” he continues, still waiting for your reaction.

“I didn’t know how it comes to this, too, Sol.” Your voice is small, so defeated and it breaks his heart.

“Can I hug you?” he asks at last, and you hesitate for a second before nodding your head. He moves to embrace you; his warmth brings tears to your eyes. How long has it been since you last have Hansol comfort you like this? Why are you put in a situation where you have to avoid even the thought of your best friend?

Hansol has always been your pillar, yet you have to set a distance between you and him for the past few months because of this damned disease. There’s not even a guarantee it will help, but that’s the least (and probably most) that you can do to ease the flowers a little.

“I’m sorry I put you through this,” he sincerely whispers, his arms getting a little tighter. “I know we have no say in our feelings and it’s no one’s fault. I can’t imagine why you’re not angry at me. I’m basically the reason why you’re risking your life here.”

In the span of 8 years you’ve known Hansol, you’ve seen Hansol cry once. You were still in middle school and his mom was rushed to the hospital because of a hit and run accident. You were there, holding his hand while Hansol broke down at the thought of his mom in the hospital bed unmoving.

You’re not 100% sure Hansol is crying now. But if the heavy breathing and his cracking voice mean something, you know he’s trying hard to hold it back.

“You know it’s not your fault,” you tell him softly, your arms finally going around his waist to hug him back. “How can I blame you over something you have no idea about? It’s not like you curse me yourself, Sol.”

“But still,” he sighs, leaning back so he can see your face. “I’ve heard of it, and I know how hard it is. You’ve been suffering for months… I don’t… I don’t think I can ever imagine how is it for you.”

“I’ll get better,” you tell him as you let your arms go, not expecting yourself to sound so sure. “I told you I’m getting better, right? Maybe you’re not that attractive after all,” you try to joke a little, an attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

“Maybe I’m falling for you,” his voice rumbles, though you can tell he’s not serious. Surprisingly, you have it in you to glare at him with mock offence.

“Don’t joke around like that. I’m telling Seungkwan,” you shoot back, hitting his shoulder, surprised that the tingling feelings in your rib doesn’t do anything further.

At the mention of his boyfriend, he scrunches his nose a little, feeling bad that he has somewhat forced you to get along with him during the time. “He’s been asking me if you’re taking your vitamins well, you know.”

“I have. Though I don’t know if it actually helps with hanahaki. My body does feel better, though.”

The room falls silent after that, as if the both of you not sure how to go forward after that.

You decide to speak first, looking down at your hands. “I’m glad you found him, Sol. He seems very nice and I can tell he cares for you a lot. It’s clear that you fit each other well.”

Hansol has never had his feelings mixed as much as this very moment. He’s happy that you seem to like Seungkwan, yet, at the same time, his blooming relationship has costed you something that might even endanger your life.

You’ve always been a best friend for Hansol, that much is clear. And he never considers you to be a potential girlfriend, that possibility has been gone since high school when he had a crush on you one-sidedly. He can still remember the forced smile he had to put on when you introduced him to your boyfriend at the time, some guy called Seungcheol from the soccer team.

Once the feeling has passed, he promises to himself he’ll take care of you with all his life, that he’ll never let go of this friendship he’s sure he would never find in anyone else.

And then this just has to happen.

“I know you and I know what you’re thinking,” you say again, not wanting Hansol to feel guilty for anything regarding this disease. “Don’t feel sorry for being in a happy relationship. I genuinely like Seungkwan, you know? Glad that there’s someone who’s able to drag you out of your studio when you’re in a trance. We both know how much of a pain you are during then.”

Hansol smiles a little, knowing how he can forget literally everything when he’s holed in his studio. “I can’t help but feel guilty, you know that. But I’m glad you have Seokmin to take care of you when I can’t.”

Uh oh.

The Seokmin talk is coming.

“Yeah, he’s been so kind. I don’t know if I can hold out this well if not for him,” you tell him honestly anyway.

“Huh, really,” he simply says, holding back a grin.

You pinch him lightly, unamused. “Not the time, Sol.”

“He told me that too last night,” he seems like he’s absolutely liking the situation for someone who was holding back tears a few moments ago.

“Do I even want to hear about this?” you sigh, talking more to yourself than to him.

“Hear me out, okay?” his tone slips back to a serious one, trying to convince you he’s not joking around.

“You’ve been getting better, right?”

A nod.

“And the flowers have somehow gone back to petals, right?”

Another nod.

“I… I can’t say I’m 100% sure but what if…” he hesitates, as if suddenly realizing he might be giving you a false hope for a way out.

“Go on?” you tell him, curious.

“What if it’s because of Seokmin?”

“You’re kidding.”

Hansol groans, already knowing how you’d initially react. “No, I’ve got valid reasons, ‘kay?”

The look you’re giving him tells him you’re no longer as attentive to his words, but your silence encourages him to continue. “You’ve been spending so much time with him the past few months. Like, almost to the point where we were always together during school, you know? He’s a busy man, his schedules aren’t exactly flexible and we both know that. But he always makes time to be there for you, and I know he has become your safe place without you even realizing.”

You bite your lip at his words, he sounds plausible but the flowers you’ve been throwing up all these months seem to disagree with his theory.

“I know, okay? I know you still have flowers inside you,” he pauses, taking a breath. “But I think… I think maybe you’re still in denial of your growing feelings towards him that’s why the flowers are still there. Maybe… maybe that’s why they turned back to petals. Because your feelings towards me are fading without you realizing.”

“But… even if it’s true why am I still throwing up daisies literally yesterday, Sol?” you ask him, giving in to the idea bit by bit.

“I don’t know. Maybe your feelings are all over the place with me suddenly wanting to talk. Some kind of shock reaction?” he says hesitantly, though not without logic.

When you offer nothing, Hansol continues, holding your hand in his. “But as I said… maybe you’re also confused. Because this illness says you’re… you’re in love with me but you’re feeling something towards him, too. And you cling to both feelings, because it doesn’t make sense that you’re coughing petals but your feelings for Seokmin also grow.”

Hansol lets you think for a while, simply observing you as you consider his words. It’s not completely crazy, and it’s true that Seokmin has been your comfort upon this hanahaki mess. You always look for him first at any given situation, the thought of having him come over excites you more than you’d like to admit.

Seokmin has rooted his presence so deep in your life and, even if at first he’s just concerned as a friend, you know well enough that these days your time with him has been beyond that. He doesn’t just come because he’s worried you’ll need someone to help you, it has become a part of his routine and he does it because he wants to.

It’s the very same way you’ve been nagging him to stop working overtime because he can’t say no to taking care of Minghao’s share of works in his stead because that coworker of his has been busy with moving into a new apartment.

Both you and Seokmin have started to take care of each other like it’s second nature way before you even realize. And yesterday…

The kiss should mean something, right? He wouldn’t have done it if he feels nothing towards you, right?

The thought of the kiss makes you warm again inside, something fluttering inside you and you’re half afraid you’ll be coughing petals once more. But it never comes. Whatever causes that feeling inside you simply settles after a while.

You’re not sure what to make of it.

At that moment, Hansol pulls you into a hug, startling you. “I know you’re confused, but don’t think too hard about it, okay? You will figure out what you’re feeling sooner or later. Just… consider what I said and try to let your feelings grow for Seokmin without thinking about your feelings about me. I’ve seen the way you act around him and you know I’m not one to say stuffs without thinking, right?”

You simply nod. What Hansol has been saying isn’t absolutely off the grid, you admit. But why does it suddenly seem too simple of a remedy?

“Don’t think too much,” Hansol reminds you once again, dropping a brotherly kiss on top of your head before standing up.

“You’re going?”

He simply nods, giving you a smile as he walks backwards to make his way to the door. “Seokmin’s here. Mingyu texted me earlier.”

You open your mouth to say something, but Hansol cuts you off before opening the door. “Next time, I won’t be so lenient on the fact that he’s kissing you, okay?”

You gasp in disbelief, not believing Hansol has the audacity to end the talk that way. You’re about to scream at the guy when Seokmin comes in, the door closing behind him with Hansol screaming a short ‘Bye!’.

“Did… did it go okay?” he asks timidly. If the way Hansol happily goes out indicates anything, the talk must’ve gone a lot better than he thought it would.

You shake your head, making Seokmin confused but worried as he quickly kneels down in front of you near the sofa. "It didn’t? Then why did he look so happy?”

You wave your hand at him, still shaking your head. “No, no. It went well. I just… it’s nothing.”

Seokmin doesn’t think it’s nothing, but he won’t push if you don’t want to talk about it now.

“Were you waiting outside?” you ask instead, remembering what Hansol said.

“Yeah. I wasn’t sure if you still want me to accompany you after…” he pauses, his ears reddening.

“After what we did yesterday?” you suggest, quirking your eyebrow.

“Why would you say it like we did something we’re not supposed to be doing,” he complains, though you can tell he’s embarrassed.

You laugh, warming his heart. “You’re the one who were talking like that! And I did tell you not to apologize.”

Seokmin sighs, moving to sit beside you instead. “Yes, but… Nevermind. So, you’re good with him?”

“You can say that. It went much better than what I expected. Though, frankly, I didn’t know what I expected,” you shrug, your head falling to his shoulder.

It’s so easy to be with Seokmin.

“Hansol…” you start, playing with the hem of his sweater. “He says something that… kinda makes sense but I’m not sure how to take it.”

Seokmin tenses a little, somehow already having an idea about what he might said. “About what?”

“You and me,” you say softly. Seokmin is sure he wouldn’t have caught it if he hadn’t been so close to you, but the thought of you and him out of your mouth brings butterflies to his stomach.

“And what about us?” he asks, his voice careful, though he moves to finally take your hand in his.

“That you might be what I need to… get better.” You look up to him, not surprised that his eyes are already gazing into yours.

Seokmin smiles, a very tender smile that would’ve made your knees weak if you hadn’t been sitting down. “Did he say that, really?”

You just nod, somewhat embarrassed under his piercing gaze. “That he’s seen me around you and he says I’m probably denying my feelings for you.”

He can’t even hold back the smile flashing his face, heart so full though there’s still doubt lingering there. “Are you sure we should be talking about this now?”

In all honesty, you’re always grateful that Seokmin is always so understanding, so mindful with what you do and how you feel. You wish he’d be more selfish at times.

“I… don’t think he’s wrong,” you start slowly, holding his hand a little tighter. “He said the reason why the flowers turned back to petals might be because I’ve been falling for you. Also said that it’s possible that I’m confused with my feelings that’s why the flowers are still there.”

Seokmin hums, but you’re not sure what goes through his mind. “What do you want to do about it?”

You blink at the question, not expecting him to hand the decision to you. “Me? What about you?”

“You know I’ll do whatever you want me to do,” he raises his eyebrows as if what he says is the most obvious thing in the world.

“I don’t know…” you frown, taking your place back in his shoulder. “I think we need to consider it thoroughly what if—”

“What do you want to do?” he cuts you off, already knowing you’ll think too far off if not stopped. “What does your heart tell you to do about this?”

You stare at him, at this beautiful, kind-hearted man that has been taking care of you without rest these past few months. Someone who’s become a very big part of your life without meaning to, the man that is your home and always makes you warm and fuzzy inside. The man that turns the tingling feeling inside you pleasant and not terrifying.

“I think Hansol is right when he says I’ve been falling for you,” you manage to let out, burying your face in his shoulder. “And I think he’s right when he said I should let my feelings grow instead of clinging to my feelings for him.”

You can hear Seokmin smile, and a moment later he’s making you look at him so you won’t hide any longer. “You know I don’t mind waiting, right?”

You smile at him, both guilty for making him wait til the flowers are completely gone and giddy at the prospect of being with him. “Are you sure? When it’s time, we won’t have any indications whether I’m healed or not, you know. I’m not even sure what will happen at the end of it.”

Seokmin smiles again, and you wonder how on earth did you manage to live so close with Seokmin near you all this time without being the receiving end of his gentle touch and tender smile. “Then I’ll just have to stick with you until whenever, hm? I don’t mind spending as much time with you as possible.”

“We’ll find out together?” you ask him timidly, not even realizing your hands have been gripping his arms in support.

“We’ll find out together.”

And maybe, the flowers within you are still there not because you’re still in love with Hansol; but because they’re blooming for Seokmin—making butterflies flutter every time he flashes you his smile, or when his soft kisses greet your morning and end your night.

Whatever’s going to happen, you know it’s going to be okay. After all, you have Seokmin beside you and that’s all that matters.

a/n: how was that!!! hahaha i really really really hope you’ll like it and pls tell me what you think abt it T^T

#dokyeom scenario #vernon scenario #seventeen scenario #seventeen angst #dokyeom angst #vernon angst #seventeen x reader #seventeen fic #hansol angst #seokmin angst #seventeen scenarios #seventeen au #seventeen imagines #vernon scenarios

666 notes · View notes

blank-space-daisy13 · 3 years

Text

Why I won’t invite my biological father to my wedding.

I wanted to post this on Instagram or Facebook but I don’t want to deal with people saying I’m “drama.” But I wanted to write this out just in case someone is ballsy enough to ask me.

Let’s start off with the fact that after he got with my step mom, he wasn’t really around. He also never really cared or tried to take care of us (my brother and me) unless he absolutely had to.

Before my step mom and when we still lived in the apartment, On nights he had us my mom would drop us off already fed, he’d turn the tv on and go play on his computer until we had to go to bed. If he had us on a weekend, same thing. We’d wake up and he’d feed us breakfast, then tv with him in his room on the computer, lunch, tv, dinner, tv, and bed. When we moved from the apartment we stayed at his buddy’s house where he rented a room but guess what? He’d send us down to the basement all day to watch tv, and let us up for meals.

When my stepmom came into the picture, we started going to Canada. On every single one of his weekends. She was nice, at first. Sooner or later everyone shows their true colors. But she started slowly to get a hold of my dad. (My dad had no boundaries with us and she wanted to “help” my dad learn to discipline, but she’s a little extreme.) I once got punished for saying the word “butt” because we only say, “bum” and he yelled at me. Yelled. I was about 7 or 8. Then I heard my future step mother telling him how good he did. Also while we were there, I remember very few times we actually hung out with my dad. It was always being shoved into the playroom with my brother, future stepsister, and sometimes future stepbrother. (Step mom never had full custody of stepbrother.) We’d never leave the playroom other than for meals like the TV. But at least we weren’t rotting our brains, I guess.

After awhile he decided he wanted 50/50 custody. My stepmom at this point could be brutal emotionally. I remember getting yelled at for not knowing any of my immediate family member’s birthdays. I was about 8 or 9. Kind of shitty don’t you think? Going back to the wanting 50/50 custody, he didn’t actually want us. Looking back I understand this now. He just didn’t want to pay as much child support, and that’s probably the only reason my step mom agreed to this. They treated us (my brother and i) horribly. He moved close to my mom’s to prove he’d be willing to do the 50/50 custody, and at that point it was hell. If we did something wrong, immediately we’d get soap in the mouth. My brother later on was getting hot sauce. It would be for things such as, “not sharing with your step sister,” (which she would’ve lied about) or “talking back,” when as a kid I was asking a simple question about their rules. They had so many rules to the point you didn’t realize you were breaking a rule until they told you it was one. My *fondest* memory was when they’d send us kids to the basement for a few hours during the weekend and then got mad when we went through boxes and such to find toys to play with. Because when they first sent us down there, they sent us down there with nothing at all. Sure we probably shouldn’t have gone through boxes, where my brother and I found our toys that they never put with our step sister’s toys, but they sent us down there with nothing at all. They expected us to “imagine” things with no toys. I also got yelled at one weekend because they asked us to clean our bathrooms. (Step sister and I shared a Jack and Jill bathroom and my brother had his own bathroom as well.) We went and picked things up and went back to play. They both yelled at us and said, “If I had meant pick up I would’ve said pick up. I said CLEAN.” At this point I had never cleaned a bathroom in my life. They gave us the cleaning supplies and we went to work. I did what I thought was the best I could do and then my stepmom yells at me, “That wasn’t nearly long enough!!!! Haven’t you ever cleaned a bathroom before?!” Uh no ma’am, I was literally 10. But that was her favorite way to make us feel like shit. To yell, “Haven’t you done XY&Z before?” Or “You don’t know (blank)?! So disrespectful! You should know these things!” (That was said about the birthdays. Again I was a decently young kid.) But going forward, towards the end of them living there, they had a baby together, my other brother J.

Luckily for my brother and I, he eventually gave up going for the 50/50 custody. But with doing this, he left and we didn’t see him for a long time. 5-6 years approximately. I was 15 when he decided he wanted to see us again, and because of everything we had gone through before, we didn’t want to. I had a choice but my brother didn’t, and I was forced to go.

At this point he had married my stepmother, and was living in the same subdivision, and one road away, where had had a house with my mom when they were married. Kind of awkward but ok.

And I have to say, they were better. To a point. They wanted us to feel bad that we didn’t want to be there. At the time I had a really old phone, not a smart phone, that didn’t lock, but they expected my phone to be on the counter at 9pm every night. They read my texts and held them against me, but when I called them out on reading my texts, they told me I was crazy. I would text my friends that I didn’t want to be there, and that I was uncomfortable. They asked me, “Why don’t you want to be here? Why are you uncomfortable? We understand what we did in the past was wrong, but the past is the past and you have to forgive us!” (One wrong thing I was always taught was you always have to forgive. You don’t always have to forgive for things that hurt you.) Finally at the end of this period, they sat us down and tried to make us feel bad by saying, “If you don’t want to be here, we don’t want you here. We want you to want to be here.” At 15 I tried to explain why this was hard, but they didn’t care. It wasn’t their way so they weren’t ok with it.

Fast forward to my Senior Year of high school, I don’t remember how, but my father and I got in touch. My step mom wanted nothing to do with me because of a dumb YouTube video I made at 14 where I “talked shit” about her daughter and herself. Yes, I did, but who didn’t do something dumb at 14? I wasn’t allowed around their house because HER son had a “drug problem.” (Marijuana) Whatever, I didn’t care. Slowly we lost touch because I was the only one calling, and I got sick of it. I was done. But I was still young.

Fast forward to me being a sophomore in college. I was 20 or 21. My brother had an issue that got the police and CPS involved. My father decided to text me and ask me what was going on. I called him and told him that he had “no fucking reason to know what was going on” because he was never around. He gaslighted me into feeling bad because I cussed him out for 10 minutes. But we kept contact after that because I had thought about it and I wanted to get to know my little brother J more. We did lose contact again but then we gain it back later on.

Skip forward a couple years and I’m talking to my cousin, (another thing was he kept us from his side of the family and I had lost contact with most of them until I was an adult.) my cousin told me he was going to MY little BABY sister’s 1st birthday. My father had been talking to me for a few months at this point and NEVER mentioned I had a baby sister. He told me, “I thought your aunt posted about it. I saw it on Facebook and assumed you knew!” It doesn’t matter whether I saw it on Facebook or not. He should’ve told me. But whatever, I let that go too.

Here is where I get frustrated. I wouldn’t call for a couple weeks because I didn’t think about it. I’ve only seen him twice in the past 9 years. But he would blame me for us not talking, when he’d never call or try to talk to me. It drives me crazy when people think like that. It’s not just my responsibility and mine alone.

Skip forward to a few months ago when he brought up politics. I hated this because I’m mostly liberal/democrat and he’s 100% republican. He called liberals “libtards” and goes, “you’re not a libtard are you?” And when I tell him it’s offensive he says, “It’s just a joke!” But now we’re here and yet again it’s been 2 or 3 months since we’ve spoken because he’s blocked my number. It goes straight to voicemail and my texts aren’t going through as iMessages. I’ve decided after trying for over two months, he’s uninvited to the wedding. He’s never met my fiancé, ever. We were only inviting him to be civil. But if he can’t even speak to me, I feel it’s not my problem, and it’s one less drama issue to worry about at the wedding.

My family can believe what they want. There are so many things left out of this 15 year drama circle of my father just disappearing. And I don’t care anymore. I hope someone asks why he wasn’t invited because I know for a fact he’ll be at least telling the whole family that he wasn’t invited. And I don’t mind sending them this so they can know why.

25 notes · View notes

philfmsarchive · 3 years

Text

sup goons and goblins it’s your girl tink at it again with my final bean. this is phil she’s a bit of a remix on an old muse of mine since she’s so new i’m mostly just winging it with connections but if you have something you wanna do feel free to hit me up.

official name : phillipa meliha cetin . meaning of name : of greek origin meaning lover of horses ; of arabic origin meaning beautiful and pretty woman. nicknames : phil / philly date of birth : june 13, 1994. zodiac : gemini sun , cancer moon , virgo rising . age : twenty six. birthplace : london, uk. hometown : west baden springs, indiana . nationality : british. gender : cis woman. pronouns : she/her. orientation : bisexual & biromantic, but mostly dated men. religion : roman catholic. languages : german & english. degree : none . extracurriculars : weekly wine social

𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚

phil grew up being the perfect daughter, she was the picture of obedience, willing to do anything to make her parents happy she never once stepped a single toe out of line

she lived a pretty privileged life for a while, her mom a trust fund kid and her dad a successful investment banker, but when she was thirteen there were rumors going around that her dad was a thief before she could ask him about it he was gone

he’d managed to steal over eighty million dollars including his wife’s trust fund and then vanished without a trace, the police seized all of the family’s assets including their house and for the first time ever phil saw what it was like to have nothing

when her mother turned to the family for help, her family shunned her for bringing a criminal into their lives and his family, well they couldn’t be bothered to support anyone that wasn’t in their family unit

phil has always loved art and at the time she had an extensive art collection that her mother sold to try and keep them afloat but eventually their cash ran out

with no money and no reason to stay they moved to indiana where her mother’s sister was living, they moved into her small two bedroom house, she shared a room with her mom and her little cousin until she was seventeen and moved out with her mom and her new husband

if there’s one thing that her mother taught her it was to harness her beauty, to use it as a weapon, men were malleable and stupid. they’d do anything to feel like the savior and it’s your job to make them feel like they can save you

( tw death ) she took this lesson and ran with it, getting married at 18 to her soldier boyfriend ahmet, he was 21 at the time and had been working his way up the ranks. while he didn’t have all the money in the world she loved him deeply he died in combat at age 25

( tw death ) she was ( honestly still is ) devastated but she had to find a new husband and quick so she got married to a man nearly twice her age less than a year after ahmet, she felt nothing for this man in fact she kind of hated him but a year into their marriage he had a heart attack and died

two inheritances later she had more money than she knew what to do with and for the first time in her life no husband and no parents to tell her who to be.

𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒆

she feels a bit like a blank slate because she’s spent so long pretending for everyone else, it’s kind of like second nature to her at this point, she doesn’t really know who she is and is trying to figure that out

for the most part she’s very standoffish, she doesn’t trust people and while you may think you know her very well i promise you don’t, she’s the kind of person that will lie to you bc it keeps her safe

if she trusts you and you break that trust, or if she needed you to do something and you fuck it up, is takes forever to gain her trust again if you ever do at all

annoyingly determined it’s nearly impossible to change her mind when it’s set on something

she’s quick to anger but just as quick to forgive, if you’re friends and you hurt her feelings she will say something snippy back but twenty minutes later it’s forgotten

if you manage to wiggle your way into her inner circle you’d know she’s fiercely protective, loud as all hell, super opinionated, very empathetic to the point that she’ll be there crying because you’re having a hard time

𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒔

cecilya is her cousin ( not the one she lived with, ce’s family is the fam that was like sorry girl you’re on your own ) she feels a level of resentment towards her bc she thinks that her life was easy

she can’t have kids, she doesn’t talk about it, it really upsets her

counts things to try and calm down, like pacing the halls and counting the tiles on the floor

you’ll find half finished puzzles hanging around because she ran out of steam halfway through or she decided to start something else and just left it there

#i might add more to this later but here's this for now!

10 notes · View notes

amethystroselilith · 4 years

Text

Intertwined Fates (Chilumi/Zhonglumi) - Chapter 3

Uni is still hell ngl .-.

Can be read in ao3 here

SUMMARY: Lumine feels like everything's falling right back into place as she looks forward to hers and Ajax's new chapter of their lives.The past stays in the past, right?

WARNING: Please be informed about the change of rating! This chapter includes ChiLumi smut, er, I'm not used to writing smut so I hope this one turned out fine... I'm more of a fluff writer but I wanna write new things :)

“Wow, sis, getting married twice while your older brother had never even popped the question to anyone.” Aether whistled after Lumine told him about her engagement, “A really beautiful ring too.” he was holding Lumine’s hand, observing the jewellery.

Lumine had already told her twin all about what happened on the very same day she got engaged, however, they didn’t really talk too long cause 1) Aether was out shopping with Keqing and 2) Ajax wanted to pull Lumine back into their little bubble again.

They are currently preparing for the day, Aether prepping the fresh fruits for their baked goods’ filling and toppings, while Lumine take notes of the special orders due for the day.

Lumine smiled warmly as she looked at the ring, “It was crafted by Ajax’s parents. I mean, it’s still annoying what Mom did, but at the same time… It just… I mean… It’s like…”

Aether smiled softly at how giddy his sister is acting, he never seen her this excited ever since… she started dating Zhongli. He never doubted his sister’s love for Ajax, but he could see the slight anxiousness in her eyes behind her smile when she announced they’re dating. Aether was worried he gave her bad advice about following her heart, but seeing the glow her sister is emitting, he can rest easy.

“Everything’s going to be alright again?” Aether finished for her.

“Yeah.” her face turned soft, “I love him so much,” she whispered as she held her hand to her chest, softly caressing the ring.

“Looks like I have to wait until I can propose to Keqing.” Aether chuckled, putting fresh fruits on a bowl for later use.

Lumine tensed at the realisation, “Oh my god… Were you…? Aeth, I’m so sorry…” she squeaked a bunch of apologies before Aether stopped her.

“Nah… Not really, I was just thinking about it though,” Aether said before sighing, “But then Keqing announced about a big business project and you know how she is, she’s going to be so busy for months.”

Lumine hummed, knowing full well of her brother’s workaholic girlfriend, “Well, it can be a nice little surprise after.” she suggested as she started lining up cupcakes for their displays later.

“I suppose so,” Aether thought about it, “but I guess I’ll start worrying about that when the time comes.” he shrugged.

“Knock, knock!” a cheery voice arrived.

“Xiangling, hey.” the twins greeted with a smile.

“Was there something wrong with the desserts we delivered?” Lumine asked.

Xiangling’s restaurant was just beside them, which gave Xiangling the great idea of working together, the twins share their desserts with her, she makes café meals for them. Xiangling, however, is usually very busy during work hours, only coming to visit when something is urgent.

“Oh, no, they’re amazing as usual!” Xiangling walked to Lumine, Guoba hanging on her back, before giving her a big hug, “Just want to say congrats to your engagement!”

Lumine’s eyes widened, “A-ah, how did you know?”

Xiangling looked at her with a confused expression, “Your mom posted a picture of her and Qiqi playing with a caption, ‘Spending time with my beautiful grandbaby to give her mother and my future son-in-law a break’. The last part is kinda weird if you ask me, but the comments are full of congratulations to the newly engaged couple so I assumed…”

The twins sighed, of course, their mother wouldn’t respect their privacy. Lumine wondered what would’ve happened if they didn’t actually become engaged, but Lumine knows this is probably her mother’s doing of pushing her into it. She's glad she made the choice for herself.

“I was hoping to ask everyone to dinner at your restaurant so Ajax and I can announce it ourselves but it looks like mother beat us to it.” Lumine sighed but smile after, “But thanks, Xiangling! I appreciate you coming here just for me.” she said after giving her a hug, giving Guoba pats when he whined for it.

“Well, also wanted you to know that we hold wedding receptions too. I hope we’re fancy enough for your mother.” Xiangling teased.

“With your face and restaurant all over the news, I’m sure mother will be kissing your ass when she sees you.” Aether snickered.

“Well, she may do that, but if she ever did something out of the line to you guys, I won’t hesitate to fight her,” Xiangling said with a serious expression, Guoba growling to add effect.

“Thank you, guys.” Lumine chuckled.

“Much appreciated.” Aether smiled, “Here, have some Pie Mon, on the house.”

Xiangling’s eyes sparkled, Guoba drooling behind her, “Oh my god, you know I can never resist this. I’ll be sending something extra special for your lunch!” she grinned before taking the dessert, “Well, I should head back to prep work, can’t leave Dad alone in the kitchen because he always ends up terrorizing the whole staff.”

“Of course, of course.” Lumine chuckled, “Thanks, Xiang!”

They all said their goodbyes before Xiangling left.

“Speaking of staff, do you think it’s time to promote…” Aether began talking about their staff members as they work.

The door once again opened, and Lumine can’t help freeze when she was met with cold eyes.

“I guess you’re finally replacing my brother,” Xiao stated coldly before taking his eyes off her and starting on doing his share of prep work.

It received a glare from Aether and a frown from Lumine.

While Xiao has always been quiet and reserved, he and Lumine had become close when she started dating Zhongli. Xiao had always been protective of Zhongli but after seeing how much she affected her brother, how much happier and brighter she made him, Xiao can’t help but love and respect her as well. They became close, and Xiao treasured that bond.

When his brother died, Xiao tried his best to be Lumine’s rock, it’s what his brother would like, but Xiao was grieving as well, it wasn’t an easy task to stay strong for himself and his sister-in-law, so he was glad Ajax was keeping them both afloat. Ajax was someone Xiao respects as well, he was there for him and his brother, helping them every way he can. Xiao thinks his brother is blessed with Ajax and Lumine.

That was until Xiao started seeing some things changing.

How their touches aren’t platonic anymore.

How Ajax’s kisses aren’t playful anymore.

How Lumine’s heart isn’t with Zhongli anymore.

Xiao felt sick when they announced their relationship, while their friends congratulated them, he excused himself, left them and went to Zhongli’s tomb. He felt so angry, he ranted how Ajax betrayed him, how Lumine replaced him, how unfair it is for everyone to just forget about him. And then he started sobbing, crying about how he felt so alone ever since Zhongli left him.

It was different ever since that day, while he tried to stay civil, even tried acting friendly as they interact with work, Xiao just can’t help but feel bitter and angry every time Ajax would visit Lumine. He knows they talked about it, knows Lumine asked Ajax to tone down the affection when he’s around. That’s just how Lumine is, putting others before herself.

‘Shame it didn’t apply to Zhongli.’ he thought bitterly.

“Xiao, Zhongli would want Lumine to be happy,” Aether stated, receiving a pleading look from Lumine to let it go.

“I’m sure he’ll be way happier knowing he wasn’t replaced.” Xiao simply stated, not looking at anything but what he was doing.

Aether was about to defend Lumine, but his twin stopped him.

Lumine sighed, “Xiao, I know you don’t agree with Ajax’s and mine’s relationship, but please never say I replaced Zhongli.”

Xiao glared at her with a hiss, “But you did-”

“Zhongli has a place in my heart, and he always will.” Lumine looked at him straight in the eye, “I love your brother so much, and I will forever.” she said, “It’s just there are some things we can’t help.” she sighed, “I have to admit, I was unsure of being with Ajax before, but as I come to terms of accepting my feelings, it made things so much better. He helped me get back on my feet again, take care of Qiqi, make me feel happy again. There are just some things we can’t control, but that doesn’t mean we’re replacing Zhongli.”

Deep inside, Xiao knows that, he’s just having a hard time accepting it.

Xiao broke the eye contact, sadness replacing the anger.

Lumine put down her utensils, before walking to Xiao. He flinched away when she tried to touch him.

“Xiao, you may hate us for that, but please remember that Zhongli will always have a place in our hearts. Also please remember that you have a place in our home as well,” she said softly, making Xiao look at her.

Lumine smiled, “We’re family, and we always will be. Just because Zhongli is gone, it severed our bond, you know? You’re still a brother to me, and I’m sure Ajax feels the same way.”

Xiao stayed quiet, but he didn’t move when Lumine tried to pull him to a hug.

“I miss him,” Xiao said quietly.

~~~

“Will he be alright?” Ajax asked in worry, an arm folded behind his head while the other wrapped around his fiancée.

“I didn’t receive any cold treatment after, though he is a bit hesitant when approaching me. I guess we should still tone it down whenever he’s around, Aether also suggested an outing for us, make sure Xiao remembers that he’s still part of our family even without Zhongli. For now, Chongyun said he and Xingqui will cheer him up.” Lumine said fingers playing with Ajax’s shirt.

This had always been part of their routine, after putting Qiqi to sleep, the two of them will just cuddle on their bed, talking about their day or anything really.

“Hm, I feel a bit guilty for not contacting him often. He seemed to despise me ever since we came out, but I guess it’s also time for us to have a talk about it.” Ajax sighed as he remembered the angry glare he managed to catch from Xiao before he left.

“We can’t really blame him. Zhongli was the one who raised and cared for him, so it’s just natural he’s very loyal to him and can’t stand the thought of his brother being replaced. I already talked to him about it, but I think it’s going to take a bit of time for him to understand that.”

The atmosphere suddenly felt so heavy, as usual, whenever Zhongli becomes the subject of whatever they’re talking about. Despite their assurance that they’re not replacing Zhongli, there’s still the lingering guilt deep within them that resurfaces when it comes to Zhongli and their relationships.

Sensing this, Ajax stirred the conversation to a much lighter topic, “Xingqiu’s all over the news today.” he said talking about Xiao’s roommate who’s a rising author, “Looks like he finally has his breakthrough.” he chuckled.

“Oh yeah, our customers were also talking about it. I should purchase one soon actually.” Lumine hummed, “Speaking of which, by the way, we need to help them look for another apartment.” she added with a sigh, “Razor said it was the 8th time Bennett almost burned down the whole building and the tenants just can’t take it anymore.”

“...Didn’t they just move in there a month ago?”

“...Yep…”

Ajax chuckled, “To be honest, at this point, I think it’s more practical to just buy or rent a house lot more than a condominium building.”

“That’s what I told them, I’m pretty sure they’ll look into it considering it’s the fifth time they’ve been evicted this year… and we haven’t even reached half of the year yet.”

They stayed quiet for a while, just enjoying each other’s presence.

Ajax’s soft breathing was lulling Lumine to sleep, that was until she felt the hand on her waist start playing with the waistband of her shorts, a finger playfully circling around the skin under it.

“So... I made sure I locked the door this time.”

Lumine can’t help but laugh at that.

Last time, they were in the middle of an intimate moment. Both so close to their peak and desperate to reach it, Ajax can’t help but feel lost in the pleasure as he listened and watched Lumine, that was until the sound of a doorknob turning joined the sounds of skin slapping skin.

Both are thankful for Ajax’s fast reflex, quickly grabbing the covers to hide him and Lumine, just in time a sleepy Qiqi reveals herself, having been woken up by a nightmare. The blonde had quickly grabbed her robe that was hanging from their bed’s headboard, grabbing whichever undergarment she could find, which happened to be Ajax’s boxers, before taking care of their daughter.

Lumine ended up sleeping in Qiqi’s bedroom and Ajax had to spend the night with his right hand.

Not a great experience if Ajax is being honest.

“Really now?” Lumine teased, but not stopping Ajax from laying her on her back as he towers over her.

“I mean, why not?” Ajax hummed, gently attacking the spot on Lumine’s neck that makes her weak.

“Wasn’t complaining,” Lumine murmured gasping when he starts nibbling on the spot.

Ajax hummed approvingly, “In that case, allow me.” he whispered in her ear before she felt his hands tugging her shirt off.

He pulled away for a bit, releasing another pleased hum as he admired his future bride.

“You’re so beautiful,” Ajax said softly, hand gently caressing her cheek before kissing her lips, deepening the kiss to further express how he feels about her.

Lumine’s arms found their way around Ajax’s neck, a hand going to his hair while the other tracing shapes on his back.

“Off.” Lumine breathed out as soon as they pulled away, a hand impatiently tugging on his shirt.

“Whatever my lady wants.” Ajax chuckled before pulling his shirt off.

Smaller hands began exploring his abs, tugging him back for a kiss.

Ajax began trailing kisses to the spot on her neck, sucking and biting just enough to leave a mark before heading to her collarbone, giving it the same marking treatment.

Lumine shivered at the sensation, much more so when she felt a hand rubbing her side, “Ajax…” she moaned when the hand explored further up, gently cupping a breast.

“Ajax!” she squeaked, back arching when he suddenly gave her nipple a pinch, feeling her core heat up as the shot of pain turned into pleasure.

After leaving another mark, Ajax made his way to her other breast, kissing around the nipple before paying attention to the stiff bud. Lumine arched her back at Ajax’s touches, mewling softly as she buried her hands in his hair, tugging softly when she felt him grazing his teeth on the sensitive flesh.

Ajax could never be tired of the sweet noises Lumine makes, especially when she uses his name.

Wanting to hear more from his beloved, he began trailing kisses down to her stomach, his thumbs hooked on the waistband of her short, sliding them off her smooth legs with her underwear.

He sat up, his eyes turning a darker shade of blue, tongue slipping out to lick his lips as he admired the blonde goddess once again.

She was breathing harshly, face and body flushed as she stared back at him, her own eyes matching the lust with his’.

“Lumine…” he moaned, before diving in for a kiss, moving his hands to cup a breast each.

Lumine groaned as he tugged on her nipples, her head and back arching a bit, giving Ajax a perfect opening to assault the other side of her neck.

Ajax decided to mark more of her skin as his lips began exploring her chests, leaving a mark once in a while. He stopped at the area just below her breasts, his hands sliding down to her legs as he sat up to admire his work.

Just when he thought his lover couldn’t look any more perfect…

His dick throbbed painfully at how enticing Lumine looks full of his marks. Possessiveness flowing through him and urging him to mark his territory more.

He was about to, but Lumine gave out a needy whine with an arch of her hips, feeling hot and bothered when his hands were grabbing her waist, thumb circling her hip bones when it could be working on another part of her.

“Getting impatient, aren’t we?” Ajax teased as if his hardness isn’t begging to be buried in her.

“Just need you.” she whined at the ache of her core lacking attention, “Please.”

And that was all Ajax needed to hear before he moved a hand between her legs, gently tracing her wet slit before he began rubbing her clit with two of his fingers.

Lumine gave out a sigh of relief before moaning softly, tugging Ajax back to her to crash their lips together. He swallowed her moans when his fingers slid down to enter her, slowly pumping them in and out, making her roll her head back on her pillow as she bucked her hips, urging her lover to go faster.

Ajax did not disappoint, curling his fingers at the spot he knew so well that would drive Lumine crazy. His mouth began marking all over her neck and chest again as he picked up the pace of his fingers, groaning softly when he felt her clenching around him, imagining how great it would feel around his cock.

“A-Ajax… I-I’m gonna…” she panted out, hips grinding back against his fingers as she chases her climax.

His thumb reached for her clit, intensifying her pleasure as she released more of the noises Ajax loves so much.

He left her chest to look up at her, watch her come undone on his touch, “Go on, love. Come for me.”

And with the last curl of his fingers against that spot, Lumine’s eyes widened, hips spasming as she released the pleasure that they built up.

Lumine’s pleasured expression and the way her cunt tightened around his fingers almost had him coming. He pulled his fingers out of her, removing the last of his clothing and wrapping the hand that was inside Lumine around his erection, coating it with her juices as he stroked himself for some relief.

Once Lumine had recovered from her orgasm, she gently pulled Ajax, making him lay beside her. She grabbed him for another deep kiss, her hand on his shoulder moving down to his chest, abs, then to his hard on, replacing his hand with her own much to Ajax’s appreciation.

It was her turn to swallow his moans as she began to stroke him at a good pace. Ajax pulled away from a kiss, groaning appreciatively when Lumine tugged him in that particular way. Instead of chasing his lips back to hers, Lumine decided to explore the expanse of his chest, giving him some marks of her own, his skin isn’t easily bruised as hers so she couldn’t match the number of marks he left on her neck and chest.

She’ll just have to make it up by marking up his back later with her nails.

“Lumine…” Ajax hummed in anticipation as he watched Lumine made her way down to his cock, eyes locked on each other’s when she hovered over his tip.

Ajax swallowed, biting his lip as he adjusted his position, he always loved watching her take him. His hand reached up to caress her cheek, feeling her lean into his touch before moving his hand to her hair, nudging her closer to his aching prick as an encouragement.

She didn’t disappoint as her tongue slid along the slit, making him thrust in her warm wet mouth. He released a sigh of relief as she immediately went right up to work, bobbing her head up and down, tongue swirling around the tip when she reached it.

Ajax is a gentleman. He really is.

But as he watches and feels Lumine hungrily sucking his cock, not to mention the way her eyes seemed to be waiting and begging despite the unshed tears that are beginning to build up whenever she takes him down her throat, Ajax just can’t help but grab her hair and push her down as he thrusts his hips up.

“Fuck!” he hissed as he felt her swallow and tightened around him, moaning loudly when he felt the vibrations from the pleased moan she’s making.

Turned on, Lumine could feel her core aching again, making her sneak a hand between her thighs, teasing her clit a little bit before dipping two fingers between her folds, trying to match Ajax’s pace as she imagines and anticipates for his cock to be buried in her later.

The sensation and visual is just enough for Ajax to desperately fuck into her mouth, the wet choking noises egging him on to his release.

“I’m… I’m gonna…” he panted as tried to stop himself from being rougher than he already is.

Lumine hummed, looking at him with pleading eyes to give it to her.

And who is Ajax to deprive her of that?

With one final deep thrust, he spilt in her throat.

After making sure to swallow every drop of him, Lumine pulled away, wiping the excess with the back of her hand and a satisfied smile. Ajax released a groan before pulling her on top of him, grabbing her hand that was still buried inside of her. They gave her wet fingers a brief look before looking at each other’s eyes and with a smirk from Ajax, he took her fingers in his mouth, moaning at her taste as his tongue greedily swirls around the digits, “Delicious.” he licked his lips after releasing her fingers with a pop.

“Ajax…” she whined when she felt him harden again, his tip teasing sliding against her slit at their current position, “Please…” she gasped out when he reached down to continue rubbing himself between her folds.

Ajax flipped them over so he was on top, kissing Lumine again as he slowly entered her. They pulled away with a groan, Lumine from the pressure and Ajax from the tightness. As a petite woman, Ajax tries to be patient as he waits for her to adjust to his rather sizable length. It usually takes Lumine a while to get used to being full of him, even if they made love a couple of times already.

Ajax kissed the tears from her face, “You’re doing great, baby… such a good girl…” he showered her with praises, groaning quietly as her nails scratch on his back.

Once he felt her hold on him loosened, he slowly pulled back, only retrieving a small inch of himself before pushing in again at the same pace, hoping the shallow thrusts could help her adjust quicker as his resolve to just not ram himself inside her slowly wither away.

Luckily for them, Lumine doesn’t mind a bit of pain in her pleasure as she daringly thrusts up to meet him, making them both moan.

Ajax cursed under his breath before taking it as a signal to pull farther back before sharply thrusting in.

Lumine gasped, clawing her lover’s back as she tried to keep up with him, it didn’t take long for her to fall behind though, letting Ajax take control as she took it like a good girl.

As Ajax began to feel confident he wouldn’t hurt her, his thrusts became stronger, pulling almost all the way out before slamming back inside, losing control of himself as he listened to Lumine’s cries of pleasure.

He hissed when Lumine started biting his shoulder, whether to mark him or quiet her cries, he doesn’t care, he loves being marked as Lumine as much as he loves marking her.

“Lumine… feels so good inside you…” he panted between his thrusts, getting lost in the pleasure of her cunt gripping him as if greedily trying to suck him back in whenever he pulls back.

Lumine just mewled in pleasure, failing to form coherent words when Ajax is hitting her spot dead on, causing her to tighten, and at one particularly sharp thrust against that spot, she screamed his name, nails digging through his back as she came, her hips and cunt spasming around him.

“Fuck, Lumine… I’m coming…” he moaned in her ear, being careful not to spill inside her.

Lumine seemed to have other plans though, once she felt Ajax readying himself to pull out and spill himself between her legs like he always does, she locked him in place with her legs.

“Baby, I don’t think I can last much longer,” Ajax warned as he gave her a look.

Lumine pulled him closer so her mouth was against his ear, “It’s okay… Don’t you think it’s about time Qiqi gets a playmate anyway?”

Ajax gasped, his eyes widening at Lumine’s words.

The thought of Lumine pregnant with his child was just enough for him to give one final thrust, burying himself as deep as he can before releasing his seed.

Lumine gasped, whining out his name as she felt him fill her up. It was enough to send her over the edge again.

Ajax can’t remember if he ever came this hard before, or felt something as amazing as now. He had always pulled out before, respecting Lumine’s wishes to avoid getting pregnant. While this obviously won’t get Lumine knocked up immediately, Ajax can’t help but feel elated that Lumine wants to expand their little family.

Once he’s done, he slowly pulls out, laying beside Lumine before wrapping his arms around her waist, “I love you so much.” he declared before kissing her forehead, “But… are you… are you really…? That wasn’t just something to get me off, right?”

Lumine chuckled as she turned to her side to look at him, “Nah, I just miss feeling pregnant.” she teased.

“Mm, I can definitely help you with that.” Ajax grinned, the thought already filling him with excitement. He may or may not be growing hard again as he pictures Lumine and her belly swollen with his children.

Lumine laughed before moving closer, “In all seriousness though, yeah, I think it would be nice to give Qiqi some siblings, no? I’ve always wanted 4 kids.”

“Hm, I kinda want more… Wanna compensate and bump that up to 10?” Ajax grinned.

“Ajax!” Lumine gasped with wide eyes.

“What? I originally wanted 20.” he laughed at her horrified look, “I’m kidding, I think 4 is a great number. Though, I know you won’t be able to resist me- ow!” he flinched when she pinched her but still laughed after.

“You’re such a dick.”

“You love my dick.”

“Okay, that’s it, I’m sleeping in the guest room.”

“Can you walk though?”

“...Fuck you…”

“Sure, let’s get to work on those babies.”

“Ajax!”

Ajax burst out laughing, “Okay, I’m sorry, you’re just so adorable to tease.” he said before pulling her close to kiss her pout away.

Lumine just huffed but smiled, she just loves this man so much. Tiredness came to her soon, with a yawn, she made herself comfortable on his chest, “Hm, you’re lucky I love you so much.” hummed before tiredness took over her.

Ajax smiled softly, placing a soft kiss on her hair,

“I definitely am.”

~~~

He stumbled as he runs.

How could he not? He felt like he’d been running for eternity non-stop.

But how could he not? The mysterious woman is growing closer and closer as he forced himself to run as fast as he can. She doesn’t seem to feel unreachable anymore, she just stays there as if waiting for him.

And as her face became clearer and clearer, how could he not want to run into her inviting open arms and that warm smile on her lips?

“You’re almost there.”

His golden eyes widened at the sound of the voice, and for reasons he couldn’t understand, he grew desperate, ignoring his own harsh breathing as his lungs struggle to keep up with him, ignoring the tears falling from his eyes as he starts to feel the chains that had been weighing him slowly disappear every time she grew closer.

“You can do it.” she encourages, “You’re almost home.”

Home.

Closer and closer she grew.

“Welcome home, my love.”

He jumped into her arms.

Everything all went white.

“...Doc… Doc, he’s finally waking up!”

#chilumi #zhonglumi #chilumi/zhonglumi #genshin impact

36 notes · View notes

bananapie99 · 4 years

Text

Welcome Home

Part IV of my new Home series

Part I here

Part II here

Part III here

Inspired by Welcome Home from Bandstand the musical

Welcome home my dear, welcome home my sweet. Welcome home my hero, welcome home my heart.

*****************************************************************************************************

Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers (brother) x Reader

*****************************************************************************************************

Now our wait has ended, our years of yearning, and I’m at my doorway, my love returning...

The day had finally come. The longest week of your life had passed, and Bucky was almost home. This morning you spent twice the time you normally do getting ready, wanting to look perfect for your reunion. It had been nearly two years since you had felt Bucky, smelled Bucky.

It came time to head to his family’s home. A few days prior you all decided to meet there, that way Bucky could see you all at once and not have to decide who to see first. Sitting, waiting, became an agonizing task. You twisted the ring around your ring finger, unable to sit still.

Any minute now.

A watched pot never boils, but that did not stop you from looking at the clock every 5 seconds. Your head started spinning with possibilities. What if there was an accident on the way back? Or maybe the war made him realize he wanted something different for his life. He could walk right past you, or ask for the ring back.

Stop it (y/n). You scolded yourself for even thinking that way. He would not have written all those letters if he was not in love with you.

A knock at the door pulled you from your thoughts.

You jumped up, standing straight, still fiddling with your ring.

Bucky’s father took a few steps towards the door and opened it up.

“Hey dad.”

His voice. Oh that sweet voice had never sounded so beautiful. Your vision started to blur as you attempted to fight back the tears.

His dad opened the door wider, letting Bucky inside.

Immediately his eyes found yours and you could no longer fight back the tears. You let out a sob and opened your arms as he dropped his bag and ran across the living room to reach you. Suddenly your feet were off the ground, his arms locked around your waist as he spun you in a quick circle. He set you back down, but did not let go. One of his hands left your waist, finding its home under your chin, pulling your eyes up to meet his. Oh those eyes. You could drown in the turbulent ocean of those orbs. You opened your mouth to speak, but before any words could come out his lips covered yours. The kiss was desperate and heavy, one that you would never share in public given any other circumstance. Your ears burned, knowing his family and your brother were watching, but at the same time, you did not care. Bucky was here. Bucky was home.

He released your mouth, pulling you flush against his chest. He rested his cheek on top of your head.

“Welcome home James,” you finally let out just above a whisper. Your hand reached up to touch his neck and was met by the cool metal chain of his dog tags. You wove your fingers around the chain, not wanting to let go of his identification, regardless of how morbid the concept of the tags were.

Rebecca came over and rested a hand on his shoulder. He hesitated a moment, not wanting to let go of you. You gave him a squeeze, then loosened your hold on him to signal it was okay. He needed to finish his hellos.

As he released you, he turned towards his sister, pulling her in to a similar hug and kissing her cheek. By now his mother was a mess in her tears, holding onto her husband.

Bucky released Rebecca and turned to his mother, opening his arms.

“I missed ya ma.”

She practically threw herself into his arms and sobbed into his shoulder. He held her close, gently swaying side to side, trying to soothe her cries.

It took her a while to calm back down, but who could blame her? Even with all the letters home, his time away was unbearable. None of you would say it out loud, but every day you all waited for that telegram to arrive, delivering the impossible news. But now here he was, home, safe.

Finally, he let go of his mom and hugged Steve. As you watched the two of them, something seemed off. What you were seeing before you did not look right. You had been so excited to see Bucky when he got home that you realized you had not really seen him.

His arm.

His left arm is not his arm.

You walked over to them and grabbed what should have been his left arm, and gasped when you were met with wood. You pushed the sleeve up on his jacket to reveal the rest of the wooden limb. You stumbled back a step before he reached out to catch you.

“Bucky... what happened?”

You felt the tears starting to come again.

“(Y/n), it’s okay, I’m okay,” he cooed, trying to calm you down. “Remember the situation I wrote you about? But it’s not a big deal Cookie, I’m okay I promise.”

Your heart splintered looking at the prosthetic. The situation he wrote about talked about removing a bullet, not removing an arm. The war had already taken enough, why his arm too?

He used his flesh hand to wipe at the tears painting your cheeks and kissed you again, gently this time.

Mentally you scolded yourself for the second time today. Who were you to cry? Bucky is the one who was shipped off to war and lost an arm, along with who knows what or who else. But Bucky did not seem to mind. He met your eyes with a soft smile before pulling you back into his chest. The two of you stayed like that for what felt like an eternity in silence, Steve and his family migrating towards the kitchen to you give you two some time. Neither of you wanted to break the moment, but Bucky finally spoke.

“So when is the wedding? When do you officially become Mrs. James Barnes?”

Hearing him say those words made you dizzy. Luckily Bucky had you so tight to his chest you did not have to worry about falling.

Finally you found your voice. “Just say the words, Sergeant.”

He let out a laugh that made his chest vibrate against you. You forgot how magical his laugh sounded.

“How about now?”

Wedding plans be damned, you were ready. All you needed was Bucky by your side.

“Tell your family and call the pastor, I need thirty minutes,” you said before stretching up to kiss his jawline. Quickly you walked into the kitchen, grabbed Rebecca, and drug her out of their house. You took off running towards your apartment, Rebecca sprinting to catch up.

“(Y/n), what are you doing?? Why are we running?”

You grinned. “The wedding. It’s happening today!”

Rebecca squealed and picked up her pace.

At your and Steve’s apartment, you and Rebecca frantically gathered what you needed. Your and Rebecca’s dresses were hanging nicely in your closet, shoes tucked underneath them. Since you had left so quickly you were unsure if Steve was coming back here or not, so you decided to grab his suit and shoes as well.

In the drawer to your vanity you saw the small velvet box and put that into your purse. Last week Steve gave it to you as a gift, your parents’ wedding rings inside. He told you he wanted you and Bucky to have them. You cried when he gave them to you, so touched by the gesture and sacrifice he was making for himself by giving the rings to you.

“They would want you to have them, (y/n). I want you to have them. Promise.”

At that moment, the door to your apartment opened and you heard Steve calling out for you.

“In here,” you called out from your bedroom.

You heard him enter and told him his suit was draped over the couch.

He reached out and took your arm in his hand.

(Y/n), stop moving for a second. Look at me.”

You stopped what you were doing and met his eyes.

“There’s no need to rush the wedding today, Bucky does not mind waiting. He wants you to have the day you dreamed of, not something you rushed to just because he is home. He’s home, and he is not going anywhere. Today is a lot to take in on its own...him being back, his arm...”

You winced at the mention of his arm. To be honest, you had forgotten about that already and hearing the words was a bit of a shock. But you were touched by the sentiment, knowing it was true and knowing Bucky sent Steve over here to tell you that.

“I know, Steve. But this is my dream wedding. I do not care about the flowers or the decorations really, today is not about the looks or the party. I just want to marry him. I just want him. I want to say those words and know that he is mine forever. I want the declaration and the ceremony. I want the vows. As long as I have you walking me down the aisle and Bucky waiting for me at the end, it will be my dream wedding.”

Steve was satisfied by your answer and kissed your forehead, before grabbing his suit off the couch and rushing to the church to meet Bucky.

What else did you need?

The letter.

The letter that promised you he was alright after radio silence. You wanted that letter in the church with you, along with his telegram.

I’m coming home.

Now he was home. In his arms you had your home back as well.

You put those into your purse next to the ring box.

Rebecca and you went over your mental list one more time just to make sure you had not missed something big, then took off for the church.

Inside, Rebecca and you found a room to store everything and get dressed. She helped you close up your dress and adjust your hairstyle, adding in your mother’s clip and her mother’s veil.

You gave Rebecca the ring box and the letters. Where you wanted the letters, you did not know. But they needed to be in the church.

Rebecca put on her dress and stepped out to check if Steve, Bucky and the pastor were ready.

A few minutes later she peeked her head back in the room.

“They are all ready (y/n). Are you?”

You took a shaky breath, already overwhelmed by your emotions. You felt tears start for the hundredth time that day, but fought to keep them back. Unable to speak without the tears falling, you just nodded yes. Rebecca held her hand out to you and you took it in your own, following her towards the altar.

Bucky’s parents were seated in the first row of pews. Rebecca kissed your cheek and told you “see you down there,” before rushing towards the end of the aisle where her brother stood. When your eyes saw Bucky standing down there you could no longer hold the tears in, a single sob escaping your throat.

Immediately Bucky looked up, eyes locking on you. He smiled as his own tears started to fall.

Steve linked his arm with yours and gently nudged your shoulder.

“You ready (y/n?)”

Absolutely.

The two of you started your walk down the aisle at a normal pace, but as you got closer you could not wait any longer and started to pick up speed. Bucky let out a laugh at your eagerness.

Finally at the end of the aisle, Steve kissed your cheek before placing your hand into Bucky’s.

For a moment you and Bucky just stood there, holding each other’s hands and looking into one another’s eyes. You both grinned.

The pastor cleared his throat and began talking.

If you were being honest, most of the ceremony was a blur. But then you heard it.

“Do you, James Buchanan Barnes, take (y/f/n) to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, ‘til death do you part?”

“I do.” He slid your mother’s old wedding band onto your finger. The perfect size.

More tears.

“Do you, (y/f/n), tale James Buchanan Barnes to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, ‘til death do you part?”

The words were caught in your throat and you nodded, trying to force them out. With a little sob you finally got out “I do.” You went to slide the ring onto his finger, but were met with wood.

He leaned in towards you to whisper, “I’ll wear it on my right hand, babydoll. I want to feel the ring.”

Even more tears.

You slid the ring on his right hand and were amazed at how perfectly it had fit him.

Meant to be.

The pastor spoke again. “You may now kiss the bride.”

He moved closer to you, wooden arm finding its place around your waist, as his flesh hand cupped your face. He whispered “forever and always,” before leaning down the rest of the way to give you a kiss that made your head spin.

It really happened. You and Bucky were married. He was your husband. You were his wife. This had to be a dream. But this time, it was not. You were completely his and he was completely yours.

Bucky slid his arm around your waist and led you back down the aisle, family close behind.

The rest of the day you two could not keep your hands to yourself. If you were standing, his arm was around your waist, pulling your back into his chest, If you were sitting, your head was resting on his shoulder, hands and arms tangled together. He kissed you every chance he got; on your cheek, forehead, shoulder, lips. He was not picky.

As the evening went on and the alcohol continued to flow, he became even more handsy, if that was possible. His hand found home on your leg, occasionally teasing the hem of your skirt, Feeling his mother’s eyes on you two you kept pushing his hand away, but he was either oblivious or didn’t care. You certainly didn’t mind, but you did not want or need those looks. Even as a married woman you wanted to be respectable, and it was too early on in your marriage to suddenly end up on his mother’s bad side.

Desperate for conversation you blurt out the first question you could think of.

“Where are we staying tonight Buck?”

In the excitement and commotion of the day, Bucky and you had never stopped to consider what your married life living situation would be.

“You can stay here,” his mother chimed in.

“No!” The declination came from Bucky and you simultaneously,

Realizing the harshness of your answer, you followed up with “thank you Mrs. Barnes, that is very sweet of you. I just would not want to impose.”

Before she could respond, Steve came to the rescue,

“Take the apartment for a couple days, (y/n). Would it be alright if I borrowed Buck’s room here for a couple days Mrs. Barnes?”

It was not the arrangement she was hoping for, but his mother agreed.

Bucky pulled you closer into his side and his lips met your ears.

“Tomorrow we’ll start lookin’ for our home Cookie.”

You nodded in agreement. You liked the sound of that, our home.

“But for now I think it is time we get going.” He stood and extended his right hand to you. “Ready to head home, Mrs. Barnes?”

Your cheeks burned and your head spun at his words. That was going to take some getting used to. Taking his hand, you stood.

He disappeared to his room for a moment to grab his bag he had packed earlier. The two of you said your goodbyes, then started the little walk towards your apartment. At the door you pulled out your keys and unlocked the apartment, pushing the door open. You took a step forward to enter but Bucky stopped you. He scooped you up into his arms, your arms instinctively wrapped around his neck.

“It’s tradition, babydoll. Can’t have my brand new bride walking herself into our home.” He winked at you and walked inside. He kicked the door shut behind him and turned around for you to lock the door, not ready to set you down just yet.

Bucky kept walking, holding you in his arms, straight back to your bedroom, where he finally set you down on the bed. He held himself above you, eyes locked on your own. Slowly, he moved his head closer, leaning in until his lips met yours, tongue gently finding its way to yours.

Your heart started racing in anticipation of the evening. It was well known that Bucky had...experience with girls. That did not bother you. What made you anxious was the fact that you had none. Of course you were not completely clueless, you had the knowledge, but that was all you had. Bucky knew this though. The night before he left for the war you spoke about it, and he had told you “you’re worth waiting for, (y/n).”

As nervous as you were, you knew there was nothing to worry about with Bucky. He loved you and you loved him. All he wanted now that he was home was to keep you safe.

You stretched your head up and kissed Bucky. “Welcome home, my husband.”

*****************************************************************************************************

Requests open!

*****************************************************************************************************

Taglist: @moteldwelling @belladonnabarnes @emmabarnes @ritz-hell-hotel

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky imagine #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky

36 notes · View notes

jinmindeulle · 4 years

Text

the art of love | cs

pairing: choi san x reader ft. mentions of park seonghwa

word count: 5.1k

genre: artist!reader, florist!san, exes to lovers au | angst, fluff

warnings: minor swearing

find ateez’s masterlist here!

enjoy ♥

How many deep breaths did I have to take to put myself together every time I started driving back to my hometown?

I think I stopped counting five years ago. It didn’t matter how many times I had done that, it had always driven me crazy.

But this time, it was worse.

“Please, text me when you’re on your way. Let’s meet at Jjinsong’s Café before going home. Be safe, love you!”

Yet, I couldn’t be mad. I missed my family too much to be upset over that. It’s been seven years, y/n, get over it!

I replied to my sister with a short message full of heart emojis and I put my phone inside my pocket. I started the car and glanced at my (ex?) apartment floor. Hope to see you empty when I get back.

Last time I visited my family’s home in Namhae, it was all tears and sad eyes. Making my way back to Seoul was one of the hardest things for me. However, every time I went back to the capital city, the driver’s seat was always taken by the same man, who at least tried to make my trip bearable by holding one of my hands when he could. But that day, I was the one driving, all alone.

I couldn’t break the news to my mother over the phone. She had gotten attached to him over the years. But she didn’t knew the whole truth, and honestly, going back to Namhae was way cheaper than calling my mom to tell her that I had rejected my boyfriend’s marriage proposal without second thoughts, and that my life was just a mess in general.

And I also needed to see her, my dad, my sister and my nephews. They were going to help healing my open scars. At least try to.

I picked a random playlist and kept it on repeat the whole trip. Fortunately, being a Thursday, the traffic was not that bad, especially at such an early hour. I really didn’t want to stay under that roof any longer. I felt miserable there. Why did I have to put it off that much?

“Why did you have to put it off that much?”

“I wonder exactly the same”

My sister looked at me with a raised eyebrow while she quietly sipped her coffee.

It had always amazed me how calm and collected Eunjung acted and reflected in situations like mine. She would never get upset unless it was the end of the world, and that hardly ever happened.

“I knew something was wrong since the last time you came home with him”

“But it was not that bad back then”

“You sure?”

“Well…”

He had been promoted a week before and his father had announced that he was soon going to retire, leaving him his position as CEO of one of the greatest companies in South Korea. It had easily gone to his head, and I wasn’t able to stand staying in the same room every time he brought that up.

“Maybe you’re right” I sighed, quietly stirring my own coffee. “I honestly don’t know, Jung. I didn’t like to think about it because it meant doing something about it. And I think I was way too comfortable living like that to try and change it.”

“And he made you do it”

“Pretty much, yes. I couldn’t get married to him. I don’t think I loved him enough to sacrifice what I wanted in life just for him”

“I’m glad you did that, y/n. It means you’re still chasing your dreams”

“I mean, yeah. I have always been. Not actively, but I kept dreaming about having my very own gallery, and everyone in Seoul wanting to have my art pieces on their living room’s walls.”

“Why not everyone in the country? Or in the world?”

“My dreams are more of the realistic type, Jung” I chuckled, munching my last chocolate cookie.

“How are you going to tell mom?”

“With your help?” I smiled innocently, trying to display the best puppy face I could master.

“And how do you want me to do that? ‘Hi mom, y/n here broke up with Seonghwa right after he proposed to her because it was not the life she wanted! Please don’t be that happy, it will break her poor heart!’”

“Eunjung! Please!” I begged “She won’t leave me alone and…”

“She will” my oldest and only sister interrupted me, smiling like the Cheshire Cat. “There’s been a rumour going around…”

“Wait, what’s going on?”

Eunjung sipped from her blue coffee mug and looked at me with the same innocent eyes I had displayed some seconds ago. Then, she quietly put the mug down and got closer to me over the wooden table, encouraging me to do the same. Once we were close enough to avoid being heard by the rest of the customers, she whispered in my ear.

“Rumour has it that Choi San is getting divorced”

I resoundingly sat back down, looking at my sister with a mix of weird emotions in my eyes. I hadn’t heard his name in ages. Not because I happened to not hear it, but just because I had deliberately asked my family not to bring his name up when I was around.

“Eunjung…”

“His wife cheated on him”

“Please, stop” I murmured, tightly closing my eyes, trying to get rid of the million memories that my brain decided to bring back after so many years of suppressing them. “You know how I feel about him”

“You’re telling me that after more than seven years you’re still upset about him and what you went through? You were like twenty years old, c’mon! You’re a woman now, y/n!”

“I was twenty two, and yes, I’m over it. But I don’t want to know, hear or talk about him. He’s dead to me. He’s been dead to me since the day I moved to Seoul, and will be until the end of my days”

“I didn’t know it was that deep”

“You were too busy taking care of your babies, Jung. And I’m not complaining here, I just know that you never got the full story, but it’s OK. It’s in the past now”

“You sure?”

“Stop making me question my life!” I cried, throwing a used paper napkin right at her face.

“What do you want me to say?”

My mom had always been understanding. She would calmly nod and hug me, telling me that everything was going to be okay, and letting me soak her blouse with my teenage tears. However, there were situations in which you could never guess what her reaction would be. And that was one of those times.

“Honey, I think we all knew that you were going to end things with that guy” my dad intercepted “but we weren’t aware of the fact that it was that bad”

“In all honestly, I wasn’t either” I murmured “it was just my routine. I had been waking up next to him for nearly five years. I had a job that let me live comfortably and not worry about anything else than buying expensive clothes every now and then because I was supposed to be accompanying Seonghwa in every fucking company’s party” I allowed me to cry for the first time, letting the pain and desperation out “I was living like a damn princess. But I never wanted that. I had never wanted that!” I sobbed. A pair of gentle arms held me tight, and I instantly knew that it was my mom. I hugged her back, holding onto her like she was the only oxygen mask available in a crashing plane.

“I know dear, I know. And I’m proud of you. You did what you wanted to do, because you should always do that. And it’s OK. It will never be a bad thing to follow your heart, y/n”

I nodded, drying the flowing tears with the back of my sleeve. “Thank you mom, dad. I love you”

“We love you too, darling” my dad affectionately kissed my cheek, chuckling when I showed him a weak smile. “Why don’t you take a shower while I finish preparing lunch? I bet your nephews want to see you as much as you do”

“Yeah, will do” I nodded, grabbing my large pastel purple suitcase. “I need to recharge before seeing those little demons”

The whole Thursday and the day before had been an emotional rollercoaster, so I expected to get the sleep I deserved. But sometimes things don’t go as planned. Just like my life, really.

The first night that I slept in my old room was just a blessing. No alarm clocks were rushing me out of bed, no angry faces were shaking me out of sleep, and no boring tasks were waiting for me in my office’s desk.

“Aunt, wake up!”

I opened one of my eyes when the curtain was drawn and sunlight hit my face. I was about to bury my head in one of my pillows when the oldest of my nephews, Jiwon, took it away from me and slapped me with it.

“Mommy’s taking us to the park so we can have a picnic as breakfast!”

“And told us to wake you up so you can go with us!”

“Please, auntie! Wake up!”

I wanted to scream. I swear to God I loved those kids, but sometimes they made me think twice about having my own in the future. Yeah, well, it won’t happen anyways. You’re single now, and you’ll probably be forever.

“C’mon auntie! Or mommy will be upset!” Jihwan cried.

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” I sat up, rubbing my eyes. “Go tell your mom that I’ll be downstairs in like 10 minutes”

“Okey dokey!”

Getting ready in the mornings was not my favourite thing to do. I liked to pick whatever was clean in my closet and wear it like it was a Prada dress. Nonetheless, it was never like that for me. I had to be well dressed. I had to wear the actual Prada dress. I just couldn’t choose.

But that day, I could.

After taking a shower, I took my old, worn out pair of jeans out of my suitcase and put them on.

“It’s been so long since I wore these jeans” I whispered, caressing the fabric.

Next, I chose a simple, colourful shirt that I myself had intervened years ago, and tucked it in. The most comfortable pair of sneakers finished my look.

“You look like you’re twenty again”

“Oh Lord Jesus, knock next time!” I shouted, startled by my sister’s voice.

“You’re back to being you. I like that” she smiled at me from the door frame. “But hurry up! These kids are driving me crazy down there”

Taking a look around that familiar yet so long forgotten park, made me feel emotional once again. That was the reason why I always tried to avoid it every time I decided to return to Namhae. My hometown brought back too many memories, memories that I had decided to erase seven years ago.

But I was tired of it. And at that moment, my future was uncertain — what I had always feared the most. Bringing back painful memories was nothing for me at that point.

“Fluffy is crazy!”

“Give it to me, Hwanie” I took the red dog leash from my youngest nephew’s hand, trying to prevent the huge dog from running around the park chasing the ducks, and probably throwing to the ground the old ladies that were feeding them. “When did this dog get this big?”

“We are feeding him puppy food that makes him stronger, auntie!”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t d… Fluffly!” the dog was able to release himself from the leash while I was giving wise advice, and started running towards the ducks, leaving us four way too far away to stop him before a massacre happened.

“Oh no!”

I reacted as fast as I could, although I knew I was way too late. My legs were not that fast, and even if they were, how was I supposed to have enough strength to pull him away from innocent ducks and old ladies?

Just when he was about to throw himself over the lake, a man in a black hoodie that covered most of his form took him from his collar and kept him under control. I kept running towards them, busy thinking about what that crazy dog would do to the stranger if he made a false step.

But I was stunned — and out of breath — when I found out that the beast was happily wagging his tail to the man, while he petted him. “Are you still misbehaving, Fluffy? Didn’t I teach you to stay calm near the ducks?”

“Uhm… hi?” I breathed out, trying to call attention to the man who still had his back to me. “The dog…”

“Are you still struggling to ta…”

My eyes watered in a matter of seconds. The man that I was successfully avoiding for years was standing right in front of me, looking the way I remembered him, like seven years had done nothing to him.

But he looked tired. Like he was going through hell and was needing a break from it all. His eyes had all the time shown his feelings, and back then, I was the only one able to read him like an open book. I knew in an instant that he was feeling like crap, but there was something else.

And maybe he was not the man that I used to know. Well, not maybe. He wasn’t the Choi San I had been in love with. The Choi San that I had cherished like no one else, who I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with and grow old together.

And I was not the same either.

“I…”

“It’s been so long” he sighed, looking me in the eye. I felt intimidated. I had forgotten how powerful his glances were, no matter the situation. He had always managed to do that to me, and I wasn’t ready to go through it once again. I had been invested in studying his glances way too many times in the past, and I was never able to reach a reasonable conclusion. So I just settled for leaving that matter alone.

“Yeah…” I exhaled, playing with the read leash in my hands.

“I didn’t know you were visiting your family”

“You know when I come here?”

“Of course I do. Everybody knows. It’s a small town, y/n”

I closed my eyes tightly upon hearing my name leave his lips. I felt like crying all over again, and I wasn’t willing to let him see me like that anymore. He had had enough of it. We both had.

“Should have guessed it” I nodded, looking down and avoiding his gaze. “Can you give me Fluffy back?”

“Oh yeah, sorry” he petted the dog for the last time while I secured the leash back on his collar “He’s been misbehaving a lot lately”

“You know him?”

“I helped Eunjung a couple of times with him. She told me it’s been hard to keep him quiet when they take him out to the park so I offered to help. I need to take a break from life sometimes, and he’s great company”

“He seems to like you a lot” I smiled weakly, looking down at the happy dog who was still wagging his tail while looking at San with what seemed like adoration.

“I think so, yeah” he giggled softly, petting him once again. “He’s nice, but he needs some rules before it goes out of hand”

“I’ll make sure to tame him, then”

“You’re staying?” I mustered all of my courage, and looked up to meet his eyes. His voice tone had changed tremendously, but I wasn’t sure what that meant. This was a new Choi San for me after all.

“For some weeks, yeah. I still don’t know how many, to be honest”

“You’re on a little vacation with your boyfriend?”

“I…” I was about to reply, but then it just hit me. I was talking to Choi San, the man that had marked my whole existence with burning, hurtful words. He had given me everything and taken it away from me as fast as he could. So no, I was not giving him explanations. “Yeah. Well, goodbye, San.”

And I left as fast as I got there.

After my encounter with San, I kept thinking about him and everything that happened in those years together. Not only the tragic ending, but also the beautiful things. And that made me realize that I could at least get part of it back.

Although Eunjung saw everything, she didn’t bring it up. She knew that I was struggling — and I’m pretty sure she heard me that night.

So while a soft breeze accompanied me as I was watching the night skies in the petit balcony of my room, I decided to make my way towards the basement to find the boxes full of the stuff I had left there and never used ever again. Many oleos were dry and unusable, but some others seemed to be just fine. I took one of the empty canvases and my easel as well as my collection of paintbrushes, and went back to my balcony.

“How had I missed you” I whispered, looking at my empty canvas. Tears gathered in my eyes, and a sad smile appeared on my lips as they rolled down my cheeks. “I really missed this”

But although I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything more than a soft stroke which was supposed to be the very same night sky above me.

My hand didn’t respond. It was painful.

So I let it all out. My desperate cries were most probably heard around the neighbourhood, but that was my last concern. The only thing that was supposed to make me happy turned out to be a total failure.

I had no purpose. I had ruined my career as a painter years ago. Why would I paint a night sky that would be seen by no one but me? That would be recognized by no one but me?

San was right.

He had been right all along.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you ran into San yesterday?”

Mornings at home were usually not that noisy, but that day it had to be. My mom had organized a tea party with her girlfriends, and I was supposed to help her out as the only one who was free around the house. My dad was out of town for the weekend because of work, and my sister decided to go out with her sons, probably trying to get away from our mom’s demands.

“Eunjung told you?” I sighed, mixing the cupcake mix faster than I was supposed to so that I could get out of there.

“Yep” she nodded.

“I don’t want to talk about him. You know he’s dead to me”

But even though I said it bluntly, I was feeling like that sentence had no meaning to me anymore.

“You’re being too rude, y/n”

“I’m being honest, mom.” I stopped my eager mixing and looked at her, supporting my weight against the kitchen counter, and crossed my arms over my chest. “I know you and everyone in this town love San. But I don’t, and I don’t want to talk about him anymore. Please”

“Fine” she sighed “Then lend me a hand with the stra— oh Dear God!”

“What’s wrong?”

“I was supposed to bake a strawberry cake but I totally forgot about buying the strawberries”

I rolled my eyes. Totally my mom’s behaviour. “I’ll go to the supermarket. Anything else?”

I shouldn’t have asked that.

Making my way down the aisles, I struggled to find everything that my mom asked me to buy.

“Where the hell are these fucking powders?” I murmured, slowly walking with my cart and carefully reading each package. “Well, not here”

I looked in front of me to check the signs over the aisles, but my eyes encountered something very different.

A painted night sky.

I knew that painting. I knew that night sky.

Those soft strokes and the shiny details on the moon were familiar. Too familiar.

Of course. They were mine.

And once I understood that I was not looking at an actual painting but the back of an intervened denim jacket, it all came crushing down once again.

But I didn’t have enough time to run away.

He turned around and saw me. I froze like I hadn’t just seen him the day before. My eyes became glossy once again. Keep it together, y/n!

“I thought that yesterday was a coincidence. But I don’t believe that anymore”

San was right in front of me now, a couple of meters away from me. He was carrying some instant noodles in his hands and a bottle of water.

“Let’s not do this, please” I shook my head, tightly gripping the cart’s handle.

“We need to talk, y/n”

“There’s nothing to talk about, San” I gasped, avoiding his eyes.

“If your eyes keep watering whenever you see me and my heart keeps pounding whenever I see you, then yes, there’s a lot of talking to do” he calmly stated, taking a step closer to me “I know you have been avoiding me, and I cannot blame you alone. I also had whenever I knew you were around. But this needs to stop” he sighed “I am aware of the fact that you’re in a relationship and I don’t int—“

“I’m not” I interrupted him, looking at him in the eye “I left him. That’s why I’m here”

“I’m… I’m so sorry to hear that” he said, and I could clearly see the sincerity in his eyes.

“It’s okay…” I whispered.

“Can we please meet so we can finally say whatever we have to say to each other before you leave?”

“San, I… I find it really hard to talk to you” I came clean, playing with the ends of my shirt “You hurt me a lot, and… and I really don’t want to keep digging in the same old scars. But maybe…” I took a deep breath “Maybe it will help to finally close them”

He nodded “I know, y/n. I need this. We need this”

“What about your wife?”

I just had to ask. He knew about me and Seonghwa, so it was only fair.

“It’s a long story, but in a nutshell, I’m divorcing her”

“I’m so—“

“Don’t bother” he shook his head, chuckling with a noticeable pain in his voice “I’m not sorry, so no one should be for me. Especially you.”

I don’t know why I was so nervous. It was just San. Choi San, that beautiful, talented and perfect man.

And that was the problem.

Choi San had always been a mystery. A simple mystery. Back then, he liked to show me that he needed to wear nothing more than a dazzling smile to make my day better. He used to take me out at night to stargaze because he thought that I could find inspiration up there.

“You need to paint these, baby” he had said “I know you’ll do an outstanding job”

And of course I painted them. Every single one of them.

“Could you pretty please paint this same sky on the back of my denim jacket?” he had asked.

“Why do you want me to do that, Sanshine?” I had chuckled, looking up from his chest so that I could see his stunning features illuminated by the stars.

“Because today I feel like I could do anything I want with my life. I have you, so that’s enough” he had replied, sweetly kissing me afterwards.

I hadn’t been enough, though.

My thoughts were abruptly interrupted when I felt his sweet perfume coming near me. I turned my head to my right, and I was able to distinguish his slender form from afar. He was still wearing that denim jacket and carried a large envelope in his hands.

“Hey there” he softly smiled.

“Hi San” I replied, trying to get rid of any sign of desperation in my voice.

“Do you want us to stay here or you prefer to go where used to… hang out?”

“I’m perfectly fine here” I sat back down on the bench, and he cautiously did the same, both of us in each end of it. The evening was warm and a nice breeze hit our faces. Although there were no stars yet, they were on their way.

And I honestly wasn’t ready to stargaze with San.

“Shall I start by saying that I am truly sorry?” after some minutes of silence, San broke the ice. “I never meant to hurt you like that. But I know that saying sorry now it’s meaningless. I just want you to let it all out, say the things that you wanted to yell at that 23 year old me but you never got to” the sorrow in his voice was evident, and I believed him. I felt how sorry he was for what he told me that night.

But it still haunted me. So I had to tell him.

“You ruined my dreams, San.” I whispered, already feeling hot tears go down my face. “You were my only fan back then. You encouraged me to keep going, practising, learning, and experimenting. But that night… you just threw that away. Why would you tell me that I was never going to be successful? Why would you yell right at my face that I was talentless?” I sobbed “That my paintings were nothing special and that I would never become a renowned artist if I kept painting night skies, when you were the one who encouraged me to do that in the first place?” And just as he wanted me, I let it all out. “You buried my dreams. You crushed them and you even made sure to throw them to the trash before leaving. I hated you for so long! I despised you! You were my best friend who suddenly became my worst enemy. But why? I just want to know that. I don’t care if you still think that my paintings were garbage. That’s my last concern” I sighed, violently drying the still falling tears “I just want to know why”

I looked at him, and it made me feel a little bit better to know that I was not the only one crying about it. Although he kept silent, his cheeks were soaked, and his eyes reddened and puffy. “You were talking about leaving Namhae” he whispered, looking down at the grass that surrounded us “and I couldn’t go with you, so I just needed you to stay. But after you moved to Seoul, I realized that I was being selfish and that I thought of my happiness over yours. I was going to be happy if you stayed with me, working at the flower shop and painting night skies as a hobby. But you would never have been if you did that” he cried, letting out a sorrowed and choppy breath. “And for the record, I never meant those words, y/n. I never believed that, and I know for a fact that I’m still your number one fan. You are the most talented person I know. You are amazing, and you more than anyone in this world deserve to be recognized out there. I’m so sorry for making you believe the opposite.”

I stayed silent, processing San’s explanation.

If we just had talked it out back then, maybe, just maybe…

“We were young and stupid” I finally replied. “I was trying to get out of Namhae to become an artist and I tried to take you with me. You were building your flower shop here and you tried to make me stay. It was never going to work out even if we tried” I reasoned, getting closer to him.

“But I shouldn’t have said that anyways” he shook his head “I prevented you from pursuing your dreams”

“I was stupid enough to believe that and stopped trying. I should have kept painting despite your words. I now see it” Slowly, San raised his head and looked at me in the eye. I weakly smiled at him, taking one of his hands for the first time in seven years. “I’m sorry too, San. I blamed you for my misery when I was the one who had to go after my dreams anyways”

“We both fucked up. But it’s on the past now, and we’re still young” he tightened his grip on my hand and shook the mysterious envelope with the other “I don’t know about you, but I just came from my attorney’s office. I’m officially divorced”

“I can’t believe our lives turned out this way” I quietly laughed, playing with San’s fingers. “If you had asked my 20 year old self, I probably would have said we were having our own house full of flowers and paintings by now, and why not add a couple of wedding rings. I was delusional”

“Not really, y/n. I expected that as well” his free hand softly caressed my cheek, travelling down to my jaw. He carefully grabbed my chin, making me look at him. I felt my eyes watering again, and San raised an eyebrow, showing me his confused gaze “Is there something wrong, baby?” he whispered.

I let out my tears, because I wasn’t trying to hide them from him anymore. “I’m just happy” I replied “I used to think that seeing you again was a mistake. That living in my luxurious Seoul apartment with a man that I no longer loved was what I needed to live the decent life that I was supposed to have. And now I know that it was just me trying to supress the urge that I had to come back to you. Because despite the horrible ending, you made me be who I am today. You loved me endlessly, San. And I hope you still do” I admitted, blushing like I was that 20 year old once again “Because I know I never stopped loving you, Sanshine. Even when I hated you the most”

He replied in the most beautiful way. A sweet, awaited, and loving kiss.

Although it wasn’t, it felt like the first time. No rushing, no hurting. Just love.

The love that I was waiting to get from someone that actually never loved me like San did.

The love that San was waiting to get from someone that actually never loved him like I did.

The love that we both deserved to get after so long.

— jinmindeulle ♥

150 notes · View notes

everlarkbirthdaygifts · 4 years

Text

Happy Birthday, d1163!

Happy belated Birthday, @d1163! We hope you had a wonderful day back on the 3rd, and got exactly the presents you were hoping for! To bring your party back around, the lovely @endlessnightlock has written a story just for you!

“I shouldn’t be very long,” I tell Madge, standing in front of my apartment doorway as I fidget with the purse strap hanging over my shoulder. I have a parent-teacher conference tonight at Prim’s school, and since I can’t take her with me, Madge will stay here while I’m gone. “Just make sure to lock the door when I leave- I’ll call you when I get back so you can unlock it for me.” I really should get a key made for her; she’s here so much.

Madge shrugs, tipping her smooth blond head to the side, leaning her shoulder against the doorway of the apartment I share with my sister.

I appreciate my best friend’s help- I’ve had to rely on her to help me with Prim quite a bit lately; bless her, she never complains.

“It doesn’t matter when you get back. Primmy and I have a full schedule for the night, don’t we?” she says as my sister appears in the doorway behind her with her twin blond braids hanging down her back. I swear the two of them look more alike than Prim and I ever will, but we are only half-sisters; Prim’s the product of my Mom’s second marriage.

“We’re going to give each other pedicures,” Madge continues. “In fact, why don’t you go out and do something by yourself while you’re gone? Go window shopping- or maybe you’ll meet a cute single dad you can ask out for drinks.”

I frown at her. My best friend has been encouraging me to “get back into the dating game” for a while now, no matter how often I reiterate I’m not interested. My plate is more than full since we lost Mom and her husband a few years ago, leaving me as Prim’s sole guardian.

Besides, my sister is only eight- she needs all of my attention right now, no matter how often she tries to tell me otherwise.

Prim is just as bad as Madge the way she’s always saying I should find a guy. I know she’s hatched some sort of scheme to set me up with her new friend Kaylee’s dad. I’ve never met him but seeing as I’m twenty-two and the girls are eight; I imagine he’s way too old for me, even if I were interested in dating- which I am not.

“Yep,” Prim agrees, grinning up at Madge, “we’ll be just fine. So go, you know, get you some or something.”

“Get you some or something?” I repeat, frowning at first Prim and then Madge, who is the most obvious culprit in the guessing game of Who’s Teaching Prim Adult Expressions. “You shouldn’t say things if you don’t know what they mean, Prim.”

“I know what that means,” Prim rolls her eyes at me while I sputter in disbelief. “Don’t make me say it.”

“Don’t look at me!” Madge says when I glare at her, “I didn’t teach her anything. She’s just grown-up for her age, more than you were, Katniss. Now go-”

“And get me some?” I interrupt, eyes narrowed because I don’t trust Madge in this matter any further than I can throw her.

“No, you’d better go, or you’re going to be late for your parent-teacher conference, silly,” Madge says.

She’s still laughing when she shuts the door in my face.

There was no need for me to hurry because Ms. Trinket, Prim’s teacher, is still in a conference with another parent when I arrive at the school. I quickly realize she must be running even further behind that just with me because a man is waiting in the hallway as well.

“Hi,” he says, smiling warmly at me from his place against the cinder-block wall. I don’t recognize him, but he has to be one of the parents I haven’t met yet.

“Hey,” I reply, studying him briefly, then looking away before it becomes apparent I’m doing it. The man is good-looking, one of those muscular, compact-looking guys who aren’t super-tall but aren’t short either. He’s got wavy blond hair and blue eyes, and if I were to wager a guess at how old he is, I’d probably say early to mid-thirties.

“Who are you here for?” he asks conversationally, sticking his hands in his pockets. “I haven’t met a lot of the other parents yet.”

I shrug. I don’t usually make small-talk with men I don’t know, but he seems non-threatening.

Still, I hold back a bit- he’s attractive in a way that seems inappropriate for some reason. I guess I worry that he’s married or something; I don’t want to be that person who’s flirting with someone’s husband or partner.

Not that I’m flirting- I’m barely even talking to the guy, yeesh- way to overthink things, Katniss. “My sister is Prim Everdeen,” I explain, “I’m her guardian.”

“So you’re Katniss,” he says, eyes rounding in surprise- they’re kind of ridiculously blue and on the largeish side, so it’s a comical sight.

“That’s me.”

“I’m Kaylee’s dad- Peeta. Peeta Mellark.” He sticks out his hand for me to shake.

“Oh,” I answer. And then, like a nincompoop who’s caught off guard by this new information, and the fact that he’s trying to shake my hand, I go on- “you’re the one Prim is trying to set me up with.”

But instead of getting flustered (the way I am for saying something so dumb to an attractive, single man I just met and will probably see again after today), Peeta laughs, although he does drop his hand to his side. “So I wasn’t just imagining Kaylee talking up Prim’s sister then, huh?”

“Guess not. What, ah, what did your daughter say about me?”

Peeta smiles at me. “Just that you were young and pretty, and you’re a good sister to Prim.”

I feel myself blushing underneath his gaze. I wonder if he agrees with his daughter’s assessment of me. “I don’t know why they think they need to meddle in our lives, right?” I ask, trying to cover my embarrassment by keeping the conversation going.

“Because they love us, for some reason. I guess,” Peeta says.

I have to smile at that.

Behind us, the classroom door opens. Lavinia, one of the parents I know slightly, walks out of the room. I notice her studying Peeta for a moment, but when I say hello, she turns her attention to me as she leaves.

Ms. Trinket appears in the doorway a moment later. “Sorry about the hold-up, Katniss. I’m ready for you now. Mr. Mellark,” she says, seemingly surprised to see him waiting in the hall as well, “what are you doing here now?”

Peeta looks confused. “My conference was scheduled for five, or at least I thought so. That’s what the paper Kaylee brought home said.”

“No, mine’s at five,” I say, “unless there was some kind of mistake.”

Ms. Trinket frowns at us both. “I’m not sure where the mix-up happened, but I don’t have you scheduled for today, Peeta. However, if you have time to wait, I can squeeze you in once I’m done with Katniss.”

He quickly agrees. “I’m already here, so if you don’t mind, I’ll just wait.”

“Sounds good. Are you ready, Katniss?”

I follow Ms. Trinket into the room as Peeta pulls his cell out of his back pocket.

I walk out of the classroom about twenty minutes later, following a brief meeting.

Thankfully, Ms. Trinket didn’t have any significant concerns about Prim this year. I knew my sister’s grades were pretty good, so I wasn’t concerned with that, but Ms. Trinket also backed-up my opinion that Prim’s been getting along well with most of the class. Despite everything she’s been through with losing our mom, it’s a relief to be reassured by someone else that my sister is doing okay. I worry all the time about whether or not I’m doing a good enough job with her- a little outside validation is more than welcome.

Peeta smiles at me when I glance his way. He’s still leaning against the cinderblock wall in the same position I left him in.

Ms. Trinket asked me to let him know she was ready for him, so we have the hall to ourselves.

“Get to the bottom of things?” I ask, slowing down to talk to him.

I’d be lying if I said Peeta hadn’t crossed my mind once or twice while I was talking to Ms. Trinkett. He might be quite a bit older than me, but there’s something about him that draws me to him. He’s handsome, but the attraction isn’t just about his looks. I don’t know- maybe the way Prim has talked about “Kaylee’s dad” is influencing my decision, but there is just an innate kindness about him that piques my interest.

“Yeah,” he says, straightening up and running a hand through his hair. He sighs. “Kaylee confessed- she planned it with Prim. Look, I’m sorry. You’re a beautiful young woman, and I know I’m way too old for you-”

“No, you’re not,” I interrupt, surprising both him and myself. I’m not always good at speaking up, but it’s usually a doozy when I do. Peeta doesn’t say anything to refute me, though.

It’s true; I don’t’ think he’s too old to pass up giving a shot. Peeta’s the first guy who’s interested me in a ridiculously long time, even if he’s at least ten years older than I am. I mean, most guys my age are pretty immature; they all seem to be looking out for themselves. That’s just not something I can get into at this point in my life- I can’t deal with immature boy drama and Prim. Peeta seems like he would be pretty drama-free, and he’s certainly not a boy.

His grin widens. “I’m not?”

I shake my head. “No, you’re not. Do I seem too young for you?”

“No,” Peeta admits quietly, “you don’t.”

I decide just to spit it out- a guy who’s worth anything has to like assertive women, and I’m not into playing games. “Do you want to go get coffee or something after your conference?”

He nods. “I’d love to.”

I know all of this is forward, but what harm can it do to get to know Peeta a little better? I’m not committing to anything, and If nothing else, I’ll make a friend, and Prim and his daughter can rest easy knowing we gave their plan a chance. Plus, I have a feeling our schedules were both cleared on purpose.

I can’t help but think of Madge telling me I should go out and have a drink with a cute single dad. “She was in on it the whole time,” I say, laughing under my breath.

“What’s that?” Peeta asks.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Do you want to meet me at The Bean Counter in half an hour?” I ask, naming the coffee shop a few blocks away from the elementary school.

“Sounds good,” he agrees.

After a little awkward wave at each other, we part ways. Peeta goes into the classroom for his conference with Ms. Trinket, and I head out to my car.

I can’t decide if I should call Madge to bawl her out for this or ask for advice on what to do. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on a date, even if it is just for coffee.

Ultimately, I do neither. Madge and Prim told me not to worry about coming right back, so I don’t even call them to let them know I’ll be home late. I figure they can just sit and wonder what I’ve gotten into tonight.

#everlark #everlark fanfiction #everlarkbirthdaydrabbles #everlarkbirthdaygifts #fan fic #by endlessnightlock

68 notes · View notes

vanillann · 4 years

Text

flashback iv (spencer reid x f.reader)

warning: swearing, mentions of gaslighting ans parents death, mentions of crime, and slow burn

word count: 1.2k

flashback masterlist

“You are so going to regret giving me this sweater.”

Spencer looked up from the book in his lap, his eyes quickly looking me over.

He said nothing as I gave him a dramatic spin, the plaid skirt spinning as I held my hands over my head.

“It’s my favorite.”

Spencer looked at me, an innocent smile on his face.

“What?”

“The sweater, it’s my favorite.”

I looked down at the navy blue sweater, the smell of new books and cinnamon was comforting considering the problem we were all in.

“Y-you look n-nice in it.”

I smiled, a light chuckle fell past my lips. I looked up at him, the book now held close to his face. He was faking, watching the same page for longer than a few seconds.

“You know you read faster than that.”

I moved to the couch, kicking his leg gently to move over. He did just that, just me way more room then I needed.

“What’s wrong?”

Spencer placed the book on the side of the couch.

“Did you know Kevin Mitnick is the most famous hacker in the world with a 100% success rate?”

I only shook my head, playing with the wire from the ear piece I was wearing.

“No I didn’t.”

Spencer turned on the couch to look at me better, his face serious.

“Why didn’t you ever mention Shane?”

I went to play with the selves of the sweater, stopping halfway through.

“I don't know, I just never thought of it.”

Spencer nodded, reaching for his book again.

“Penelope's parents and mine died the same night, the same accident. We both snuck out to meet this boy, Shane was supposed to cover for us.”

I watched out of the corner of my eye Spencer stop the mission to pick up the book, turning and looking at me again.

“After they died, all I had was Shane and Pen.”

I felt a lump in my touch, the memory of the happy childhood coming in flashes.

“Pen is obviously the closest thing I’ve had to a sister, but Shane loved mind games.”

“What do you mean?”

I looked up, seeing the calm face of Spencer Reid watching me as if everything was normal, like me telling someone other than Penelope how I feel.

“He loved gaslighting Pen, all the time. He’s the reason I learned how to interrogate so well, I learned how to see right through people from a young age.”

I didn’t even feel the tears slip down my face until Spencer handed me a tissue.

“I don't know how I’m going to last seeing him again.”

“I’ll be right in that ear piece the whole time, Morgan will be too,” Spencer pointed to the ear piece in his ear also.

“Can we have a safe word, you know a word so you know when I get scared?”

The crack in my voice made me flinch, I was never one for emotions and now I’m telling my crush my deepest darkest secrets.

“Of course, have any in mind?”

Flashbacks of memory with Spencer came rushing in, trying to find a word that meant something.

Oscar Wilde? No.

Watermelon? No.

The War of 1812? No.

The flashback in my head felt like nothing was working.

Flashback?

“How about flashback?”

“You want the safe word to be flashback?”

Spencer looked at me strange, his jaw slacked and his eyebrows raised.

“You told me on the way to this case not to give myself flashback’s, so help me remember that.”

Spencer only smiled and nodded his head, holding on his opened hand.

“Shake on it?”

“Spencer Reid wants to shake hands with me?”

He laughed, quickly looking down into his lap before looking back at me with a wide smile.

“I’ll risk twice as many germs if it makes you feel better.”

I only smiled, ignoring the handshake and fist bumping his out-reached hand.

“You told me one time that first bumps were safer.”

I watched Spencer smile, a slight blush forming over his cheeks.

Suddenly a loud cough was heard from behind me, I turned to see Pen standing in the doorway.

The old black corset and fishnet had made a comeback, it felt weird seeing it 10 years later.

“I missed you Pure Empress,” Penelope said with a curtsy.

I stood from the couch and held out a hand from her, a light chuckle leaving my lips.

“Oh how I’ve missed the Dark Queen so much more.”

Penelope smiled as she grabbed my arm and wrapped her own around it. She turned back to Spencer as he stood from the couch.

“Ready Boy Wonder?”

He did a quick nod and followed behind us, walking to the large dark van in front of the police station.

Morgan stood in the back with another man, pointing at different brightly light screens.

Suddenly Morgan looked up, laughing as Pen and I hoped into the back with him.

“Polar opposites I see.”

Penelope laughed as she looked over the tech, double checking the professional.

“I miss my band tee shirts,” I pouted as I took a seat on one of the benches.

“I don't, I like the sweater look,” Pen said over her shoulder.

“I don’t, sweater (Y/N) let everyone walk all over her.”

Spencer closed to the back of the van, moving over to sit beside me. Morgan and Penelope sat across from us, laughing about some joke that was made.

“So how did this guy become your step-brother Mini Reid,” Morgan pointed over at me.

Reid threw something at Morgan, him easily dodging it.

“My mother died in childbirth, my dad married Shane’s mom soon after.”

Penelope looked over at me, mouthing the words “I love you” which made me smile.

“I’m sorry.”

I smiled over at Spencer seeing the way he patted my leg, looking back up at the two across from us.

“Eh it’s all good, I’m the living embodiment of ‘it could be worse’ anyways.”

Penelope gashped beside Morgan, a small hit of disappointment across her face.

“You’ve been friends with me since you were 5, your life has been blessed since then.”

I laughed, going to play with the end of the sweater. I stopped, looking down at the soft navy blue sweater.

“You can pull at it.”

I looked up at Spencer as he smiled down at my hands.

“You said it was your favorite,” I tried to not let the way he smirk get to me but it was so beautiful that my heart couldn't help but race a little.

“I was willing to give you a handshake, then I’m definitely willing to let you mess the ends up a little,” he grabbed the arm closest to him, pulling at the yarn so it came out slightly.

I gasped as he gently placed my arm back where it was earlier. I moved my hand back to his forehead, giving him bewildered eyes.

“Are you sick?”

Spencer only frowned as he looked at me.

“No, I haven't been sick since February 4th, 2010.”

I rolled my eyes, looking over at Penelope and Morgan who were laughing at the two of us.

“Oh you were being sarcastic!”

Spencer looked at me, a small hint of pride on his face. I smiled and laughed, liking the way he was watching me in that moment.

“Here,” the driver yelled from the front of the van.

“You two ready?”

Penelope and I looked over at each other, nodding our heads at the same time.

“Remember, flashback.”

please let me know if you enjoyed this chapter, i wanna know how you all feel about where the plot is going!!

part iii part v

flashback tag list:

@summer-writes @snitchthewitch @mortallythoughtfulgurl @l0ve-0f-my-life @101donuts @siwiecola @eldahae @hot-mess-express99 @itlittlefangirl @afuckingshituniverse @mollygetssherlockcoffee @tinylumpiaa

#spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #bau #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds

136 notes · View notes

youwerenevermeanttofeelalone · 4 years

Text

Wasting Time | Diego Hargreeves

✦ pairing — Diego Hargreeves x Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 4.1k

✦ summary— you’re an anti-love loner who somehow managed to get matched to someone by an enthusiastic and friendly pro-love super person.

✦ warnings — some angst, I think this has some comedy, probably language, Asha (OC) is a sweetheart and I would die for her, fluff.

✦ a/n — this is a repost due to tagging issues from a week-ish ago

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Your mom left the restaurant in a hurry. She had a friend to meet up with, she reminded you a few times throughout the meal as she complained about your lack of romantic partner and friends.

Romance wasn’t for you. It didn’t even make sense. There wasn’t much to it, you had never seen it end well.

As for friendships, you had never been good at bonding with people. Back in college, you had hollow acquaintanceships at best, transactional relationships like most tended to be.

You were supposed to meet up with your mom to catch up after a couple of busy weeks, but you had sadly forgotten how intense she got with the topic of love.

She acted like you would never be happy on your own. Perhaps there was some truth in there, but if there was, she would have to take responsibility because she was complicit.

A random person tapped your shoulder. Craning your neck to the side to acknowledge them, you waited for them to say whatever it was they needed from you.

“Hi! I’m Asha!”

“I’m not interested,” you breathed out, looking past her to ask for the check.

Asha sat down in front of you. “I know you think love is a waste of time, you’re not the first and you won’t be the last, but all of you are wrong.”

You were sure Asha’s intentions were pure, but you didn’t need to hear fairytale-like arguments for love. And you definitely didn’t feel comfortable around eavesdroppers.

She followed you to the parking lot, spewing things about how beautiful romance was. Nothing you hadn’t heard before in songs and films. Which meant everything she was saying was bullshit.

Pulling the door of your car open, you snapped at her, “Could you please leave me alone?!”

You wished it had worked. She started following you throughout the day, smiling at you and asking you if you had changed your mind.

Surrounded by sweet smell and beautiful colors, you walked through the farmers market. You didn’t even understand how had she been able to follow you by foot when you were driving, but you wouldn’t let her ruin this.

“Strawberries are aphrodisiacs.”

“They taste good in smoothies,” you countered, paying for the berries and nodding as a thank you to the vendor.

Someone grabbed Asha by the arm. “What do you think you are doing?”

Asha gasped, smiling brightly. “Diego! This is perfect.”

A sharp sting went through your arm. You had always attracted mosquitoes, but their bites had never made you feel weird.

And boy, did you feel weird. The urge to hug the man in front of you overcame you, and as if he knew exactly what you were thinking, he opened his arms for you.

“He’s cuddly, right?” Asha’s sweet tone filled your ears.

Well, yes. His shirt was soft and he smelled good, extremely good — holy shit, why couldn’t other men smell like him?

“Your hair smells so good,” he blurted.

What a nice voice! His words and tone gave you goosebumps. Your stomach flipped as his arms tightened around your waist, prompting you to take a better whiff of his cologne.

You hoped he would never let go of you. It was hot outside yet you needed his warmth like you needed air.

Wait, what?

You pulled away from him, trying to find an excuse as to why you had hugged a stranger.

And why had you liked it?

Asha grabbed your hand and placed it on top of his. “This is Diego,” she introduced him to you, “he’s meant to be your romantic partner for life.”

Diego sighed, withdrawing his hand. “What have I told you about doing this?!”

“She wasn’t joking?” You asked, eyes going back and forth between the two.

He shook his head. “Have you heard of The Umbrella Academy?”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. “Yeah. All of you are superheroes.”

“Her powers are like Cupid’s.”

“Cupid’s behavior was childish at first,” Asha defended herself. “Mine isn’t.”

You waited for the punchline of the joke. It never came. He was 100% serious and you were bound to him now.

“I’ll leave you two lovebirds to get to know each other!”

Her words hit you instantly. “We don’t know each other,” you exclaimed, “I’m sure we won’t miss the other or anything...”

“We can just avoid each other!” Diego completed your thought, nodding along. “Perfect. I’m sorry for my sister.”

You swatted a hand. “No biggie.”

Oh, how wrong you had been. You spent your entire afternoon eating strawberries and watching tv, wondering what Diego was doing.

The subsequent days weren’t too different. Not from the strawberry part, you ran out of those too quickly.

You had many questions, less about the bond or whatever it was called and more about him. What he liked and disliked, why he did so...

It was stupid and pointless.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

You stretched, whining. You couldn’t sleep, no matter which position you tried or what remedy from the Internet you put to the test.

A knock was bestowed upon the door. You whined again, throwing your sleep mask onto the bed and reaching for your pajama pants.

You turned the lights on as you crossed the apartment on your way towards the door. Noisily, you unlocked it.

Diego waved at you, trying to smile. He had a busted lip that was bleeding just like his eyebrow.

“What the hell are you doing in here?”

“I— I d—don’t...”

You frowned, grabbing him by the front of his vest to pull him into the apartment. Closing the door, you softly asked, “Do you need water?”

Diego shook his head, lifting his hands for you to give him a moment. You extended an arm, inviting him to take a seat in the living room.

Observing how swollen his face was, you walked toward the kitchen and looked for something to put on the area.

Fuck, you should’ve saved that ice just in case. Oh, well, a pack of frozen cauliflower and broccoli would do.

You pressed the cold bag on his cheek, waiting for him to hold it to let go of it. He grunted a thank you.

“Did your vigilante thing go wrong?”

Diego moved the bag for a moment to speak properly. “I felt like shit and needed to see you. I feel better now.”

“Yeah, that’s called codependency.”

“Well, what do you want me to do?”

You sighed, throwing your head back to rest it against the wall. “I am not blaming you.”

”You’re taking this too calmly. How?”

“I’m used to being by myself all the time, it looks like you are not.”

“You don’t feel like you can’t breathe without me?”

��No.” His disappointed look was the worst thing you had ever been forced to see in your life. The pang in your chest stopped when you told him, “I feel better when I see you, though. Less anxious.”

“Why do you think it is?”

You shrugged. “Maybe love doesn’t feel the same for everyone. Or whatever Asha did to us.”

His heart skipped a beat. “That sounds nice. Us.”

“Are you going soft on me?”

Diego pursed his lips together, glaring at you. He immediately hissed.

You took the bag off his hand and put it back into the freezer. Exchanging the pack for a ziplock bag with pineapple, you carefully rested it on his jaw, making sure it touched his lip too.

“Baby...”

“Don’t,” you warned him, ignoring the thrill down your spine upon hearing the pet name.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Every night you waited for him to knock upon your door, and although he didn’t do it every day of the week, you always opened.

He had hugged you once or twice in greeting. Much to your dismay, it had felt nice.

This specific time he hugged you tighter, holding you for as long as you allowed him to. It saddened you, knowing this was the highlight of his day. And yours.

Before meeting him, you went to bed early and woke up at dawn. Now you happily skipped sleep to hang out with him.

Diego was nice when he wasn’t being overbearing, funny even. But you would never tell him that.

“Can’t you make your sister undo it?” You asked, opening a bottle of beer for him. His favorite brand, which you had started buying after he brought a pack a few weeks ago.

He took a swig of beer. “It can’t be undone, that’s the point.”

“I won’t feel cheated on if you find someone else,” you assured him.

“But I want you!”

“Diego, I’m not made for this, okay? It doesn’t matter if I want it or not.”

“I have the worst fucking luck in the world,” he lamented, gulping down half of his beverage. “My girlfriends either die, try to kill me and my family, or hate me.”

“If it makes you feel any better, the only boyfriend I’ve had got married to the cousin I hate the most.”

“He’s a dick. I’m hotter than him.”

Well, you weren’t going to deny that. Pouring yourself some wine, you lifted the glass to clink it with his bottle of beer.

“Is he the reason why you hate love?”

Putting the glass down after taking a gulp, you shook your head. “Not really. He was more like... the confirmation? I always thought it was a waste of time, and too absurd, and corny — but everyone I knew had a partner and I didn’t want to be left out. When he dumped me for my cousin and married her, I was proven right.”

“Well, duh.” Diego rolled his eyes playfully. “You didn’t date someone you liked.”

“I’ve never liked someone.”

“I’m offended.”

“Willingly, smartass.”

He pointed with his bottle. “What about your mom?”

“I tolerate her.”

“Dad?”

“Would kill him if I could get away with it.”

“Siblings?”

“I hate my stepbrother.”

“Asha?” He teased.

You confessed. “Oh, well, she’s nice. She means well, at least.”

“What about me?” He insisted.

Shrugging, you refilled your glass. “You’re not bad when you’re talking casually.”

“Is this about my stutter?”

“Of course not, I’m not an asshole. I just hate it when you talk about me like you need me to survive when you clearly don’t.”

“I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“Closest thing you’ll get me to give you one.”

Giving you a cocky smile, he moved to sit down beside you on the floor. ”You didn’t deny it, you know?“

“Didn’t deny what?”

“That you’re my girlfriend.”

You shoved him playfully, shaking your head as you tried not to laugh. “Will you ever give up?”

“Realistically?”

Both of you chorused, “No.”

“Exactly.”

It was fabricated infatuation. He wanted an idealized version of you, like everyone did when they had crushes only to find out everything they like about their significant other or love interest is a lie made up by their own brains.

Leaving the glass to the side, you drank straight from the bottle. “Would you like me even if Asha hadn’t...”

“Yes.”

You chuckled incredulously, “Why?”

“You’re smart, responsible, really pretty — and believe or not, you’re nice.”

You cupped his cheek, blinking rapidly. His skin was soft to the touch, a little warm too. Diego leaned forward, holding your chin between his index and thumb. His lips were so close, you could practically feel his bottom lip on your upper lip.

Fully realizing what was going on as your eyes threatened to lie closed, you turned your head to the side. Your hand fell to his shoulder, middle finger grazing his neck.

“Stop leading me on!”

“I can’t help it!”

“Just give in,” he whispered on your cheek. “I won’t break your heart.”

“I will break yours.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“You just complained because I lead you on.”

“And you said it wasn’t on purpose. People make mistakes in stressful situations.”

You shook your head, completely moving away from his touch as you stood up. “Feel free to crash on the couch for the night.”

Diego didn’t say anything, but you heard him leave minutes later from your bedroom.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Asha had insisted on befriending you. She wasn’t bad company — although too bubbly and jumpy from what you were used to, she was willing to tone it down for you.

As bad as it sounded, she also served as a distraction. And who were you kidding? It was nice to have a friend.

You waited for her to finish her ice cream cone to speak, mostly because you were scared she would stamp it on your face.

“Would you find a way to undo it if I admit to having understood the importance of love?”

Asha smiled, playing with her hands on her lap, on top of the yellow skirt you had suggested would fit her perfectly. “Why would I undo it if you understand that now?”

Focusing your eyes on the dogs playing on the grass, you admitted, “I don’t like it, I feel weak. And having someone only care about me because of your influence doesn’t help.”

“I can’t match people who are incompatible.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? That Diego and I are meant to be together because of some sort of fate?”

She giggled. “No, you just fit well together. But maybe you want it to be different...”

“I just want to have control over this, Asha! I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“Why?” She tilted her head as she asked. It was like the idea was foreign to her.

“Because I miss him!” Your voice lowered then, “And I know he misses me too. He has to whether he likes it or not.”

“But you want him to do it on his own.”

You nodded, ashamed, as you felt her bright eyes on the side of your face.

“I don’t influence or manipulate what people think or feel, (Name),” she explained, resting a warm hand on your thigh in attempts to comfort you. “I only match people who will feel things similarly. That’s the gift I’ve given you and Diego, I’m sorry you haven’t been able to see it like that.”

That wasn’t comforting at all. Not now. If she had said it earlier... meh, it wouldn’t have worked. She knew you well, it seemed.

Turns out you weren’t as closed off as you liked to think.

Asha grabbed your hand, standing up as she looked at you with those big eyes of hers. They shone with determination, and for the first time since you befriended her, you felt a little scared of what she would do.

But you trusted her. Standing up, you made sure your cellphone was in your pocket and allowed her to drag you wherever she wanted to take you.

Asha made a few stops. You saw her use her powers on two gals who were clearly on a friend-date at a restaurant. According to Asha, they both were scared of telling the other how they felt. Childhood friends, she explained.

The other stop was at a coffee shop where she ordered one of those extremely sweet frappes. She made you taste it, and although you weren’t a fan and would never order something like that, you had to admit you were starting to see the appeal.

But the third stop... oh, boy, that one was unexpected. You stared up at the gymnasium’s sign, confused and a little bit offended.

“Are you implying I should start working out?”

Asha snickered. “I’m strongly suggesting you should talk to Diego.”

Right, he worked at a gym — how could you have forgotten? Scratch the unexpected part, this was the most Asha thing ever.

The place was busy with people from all genders, some of them were taking laps and others were training on the rings.

“Okay, (Name),” you whispered to yourself, “you can do this. How hard can it be?”

Too hard. The closer you got to where he was standing, the hardest you found it. Embarrassing yourself had never been something you had been through, ignoring people for decades had given you a lot of advantages and that had been your personal favorite.

You turned on your heels, determined to leave and never come back. This was such a bad idea! You were in his territory, vulnerable, and only accompanied by his sister who would probably be on his side.

“Can I help you?”

You jumped, immediately turning around. Fuck. Your throat locked up. Diego nodded upward, encouraging you to speak. He looked good, wearing a pair of sweatpants and a tank top — all black as he usually did.

You couldn’t look at him in the eyes as you examined the place, looking for Asha. It didn’t look like a place where she would enjoy herself, but no one ever knew with her; she was full of surprises.

“She left already,” Diego deadpanned.

Your mouth hung open. You weren’t really surprised, but words weren’t willing to come out. This was the first time you had tried to articulate a meaningful apology.

The fake ones were so easy! You were even able to get poetic with those, making promises you didn’t intend to keep to people you weren’t going to see ever again because there had never been a reason to stay.

“You didn’t go to the market yesterday.” He tried to say it casually.

“I went to visit my mom.”

“Oh, I see tolerance is going well.”

You huffed a laugh. “Something like that. Not much luck with my stepbrother yet, though.”

“At least you’re trying.”

“I should be more open, I suppose.”

“Yeah.”

You allowed silence to settle. You needed it to, it had been your best friend for so long that you didn’t know how to cope without its looming presence.

You were nervous, this was your only chance to apologize. What if he didn’t accept the apology?

“I’m sorry, Diego,” you mumbled, “I didn’t want things to go this way.”

“You didn’t want things to go at all.”

“Why would I?” You didn’t want to fight him, but you were desperate for him to see things from your perspective.

“There are a lot of reasons. I don’t think people can be happy completely alone.”

“Okay, you’re right, but you wanted me to jump into something more. Such a big leap when I’ve been living and doing most things on my own since I was 19 is scary.”

“Want,” he corrected you.

You both stood with your backs against the wall, watching the people training as they threw punches. He crossed his arms, focused on the youngest of the trainees.

You turned to look at him. “I know Asha can’t undo the bond, but you don’t need this type of connection to date someone.”

“Maybe that’s why it never worked.” Diego shrugged, sticking his bottom lip out. “I like how this feels. He added, “When you’re not turning me down.”

“So never?” you joked.

Diego chuckled, eyes still on the young trainee. He looked like a teen, no older than 15. “When we talk like this. Or when you empty your freezer to treat my swollen face...”

“Oh, so you only like me for my frozen veggies.”

“God, I wish.” Diego placed his hand on your shoulder, “Give me a moment. Don’t go!”

Nodding, you watched him approach the teen. They exchanged a few words — well, Diego seemed to be questioning the poor boy who only gave short verbal answers or moved his head to reply.

Diego threw his arm around the teen, pulling him close into a half-hug. Both got closer to you as Diego guided the teen towards the exit, still chatting.

“Thank you, Diego,” the teen said with a nod as Diego withdrew his arm from his shoulders. “Good night, Ms,” he acknowledged you.

“Good night,” you answered politely.

Diego smiled, huffing through his nose.

“Has he been training here for a while?” you asked once the young trainee had left.

Standing closer to you now, he told you more about the teen, “Brandon started last month. He’s a good kid. Stubborn, but his heart is in the right place.”

“Like you?”

Diego lifted his eyebrows, unable to hide his smile. “Did you just compliment me?”

“What would you do if I said yes?”

“You won’t like my answer.”

You bit your bottom lip. “Try me.”

He freed your lip from your teeth with his thumb, caressing it. “Don’t tempt me, baby.”

Your face heated up. God, the things Diego was doing to you...

Grinning, he bopped your nose. “You are adorable.”

“I am not trying to be adorable,” you said, scrunching your nose.

“That’s part of the charm.” He looked up, checking the time on the clock above you. “I’m technically free in less than an hour.”

“Don’t you have other things to do?”

Diego wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Rolling your eyes, you hit him on the shoulder with your fist. “The other things!”

“Oh, yeah.” He rubbed his shoulder even though you hadn’t hit him hard. “I can do them even later.”

“We can talk even later,” you tried to reason with him.

He tutted. “I know you, and you’ll find an excuse.”

You didn’t understand what Diego had done to you, or how Asha’s powers really worked, but you were willing to compromise, to show him you wanted to talk to him and fix things.

So accompanied by a sigh, you made a gesture with your hands, indicating that you would wait for him to be done.

You had never been so eager to spend time with someone, not even as a child when your neighbor would come over for a play date.

Diego casually offered his hand to you, patiently waiting for you to either take it or reject him.

Unsure, you inched your hand closer to his. He gazed down, taking the trajectory of your hand in. Sighing contently when your palm finally rested against his, he wiggled your fingers open.

His fingers fit between yours perfectly, his palm was warm and calloused, slightly scarred. Suddenly Asha’s judgment didn’t sound too bad.

Swinging your clasped hands, Diego asked more about what you had done the past week. You kept to yourself the part about missing him, but shared everything else — including that horrible fight with your dad, and the movie Asha made you see at a midnight screening.

He told you about his apartment-hunting journey and how tedious it was. You recalled his offhand comment about wanting to move out of the boiler room, so you kept to yourself the fact that he would need another job to be able to afford it.

Ruining the night was the last thing you wanted to do.

Dropping the keys onto the coffee table, you walked directly into the kitchen. He followed you, turning the lights on.

Diego opened your fridge to take a drink out and chuckled happily. “Aww, you bought my favorite beer even though we were mad at each other.”

You stood behind him, reaching for the jug of water as you corrected him, “I wasn’t mad.”

“Well, I was.”

“Not anymore?”

“Nope.”

You smiled to yourself, pouring water into a glass. He grabbed the jug from your grasp, storing it in the fridge for you.

Mirroring your smile —outshining it in your opinion— he said, “You’re so beautiful.”

“You’re flirty today.”

“I wasn’t flirting.” Diego feigned offense.

Frowning, you picked your glass and took a gulp of water. Asha tired you out earlier by dragging you all over town, but compared with how disappointing hearing him say that was, the tiredness was fine.

Placing the bottle on the counter, he clarified, “I meant that I was only stating the obvious.”

You put the glass down. “I am not used to this, sorry.”

He rested his hands on your arms. “It’s okay. I just want to know something...”

You hummed. “Anything.”

“What made you change your mind?”

You fiddled with the unbuttoned shirt he had thrown on top of his tank top. “I can’t sleep when you don’t visit.”

“That can’t be it.”

You conceded, “It’s not everything, but it sums it all up.”

“How slow do you want to go?”

You shrugged. “Do I look like I have a clue?”

“No,” he laughed. Diego inched a hand up to your neck, thumb rubbing your cheek. “Can I kiss you? I promise you can push me off you whenever you want, I won’t get mad.”

“Okay.”

Softly, he pressed his lips against yours. The slow kiss was a nice change from what you had experienced in the past, Diego wasn’t kissing you to get something more out of you or to forget about somebody else — Diego was kissing you because he wanted to do it, because he wanted you.

You pulled him closer, gripping the collar of his shirt. He smiled into the kiss, dropping his other hand to your waist.

Having Diego this close was everything but a waste of time, you decided, kissing him harder as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

#diego hargreeves x reader #diego hargreeves x plus size reader #diego hargreeves #the umbrella academy

102 notes · View notes