#my dad was also a smoker he quit when i was 8. my mom smoked in college

[dykeofmisfortune]

normalize being self awarely self destructive

[one-abuse-survivor]

Hey there, I just came here to vent a bit.

So basically, I'll just recap what's going on at home. I won't specify my age, but I am between 11 to 15 years old. My mom and dad had an arranged marriage (it's reasonably normal from what I know where I live) and have always had marital problems. My dad is also a smoker, a habit which my mom /detests/, and he also smokes substances such as weed pretty often. My mom is a little bit unstable emotionally, she's never been diagnosed with anything, but she tends to have extreme mood swings. I can remember them fighting even when I was way younger, 4 or 5 years old maybe, but I don't remember anything from before that age range, other than small flashbacks.

My mother also used to hit me, and again, physically punishing children is also sort of normal here.

Anyways, since the pandemic started, things have been getting... Heated, to say the least. It's been a slow descent of my dad getting worse and worse with his smoking. My mom doesn't like that, but now they fight more openly in front of me.

To be quite frank, I hate my parents. My mom comes running to me for comfort, and is always venting to me.

For example, around a week ago, on Saturday night, my mom fought with my dad, it was 8 pm, and her and I were getting ready to go downstairs in our apartment complex, for a walk or for me to spend time with some friends if they were downstairs. She was fighting with my dad while I was changing my clothes, and as soon as I came out of my room, she started yelling at me. After we left our house, she was yelling at me the whole elevator ride. She said I had the *my dad's last name* blood. She said some pretty hurtful things, but I can't remember it, it was all a blur. After we reached the ground floor, she started taking rounds around the apartment, and I sneaked into the staircase of the block I live in. I climbed to the second or third floor, and cried. I just cried. It hurt, and everything piled on top of each other and I hated everything so so much. Throughout this i was on this discord server of people I had met via a manga, and they were the ones who helped me actually realise how fucked up my family situation is. I kept texting. Now, near these staircases had a window halfway covered with railings, and the window was pretty long and wide, i realised i could fit through it. It even had a ledge large enough to stand on. At that moment, i genuinely wanted to hurl myself off the building. I wasn't actually going to do it, but god, it was so so tempting. My mom called, and asked why she hadn't seen me walk around the apartment. I lied and said I was walking in a certain area of the building. The minute my phone started ringing, I ran down the stairs and used some shortcuts to get to that area, and i walked a bit further. My eyes were free and puffy, i hoped no one would notice and i played some music and walked. She later went up to our horse and called me up asking if I could come get some diesel for our car. Ten minutes later she comes down and we go to our car. She tries to make small talk with me and we get to the topic of my dad. She just went on and on venting about him, saying stuff like

"At this exact turn, your father hit me last year on our anniversary night."

It went on for twenty minutes, we got to the petrol bunk and then got me ice cream.

They also never respect my personal boundaries, I am uncomfortable with hugging and kissing them, but they continuously pull me in for a tight hug and pepper my face with kisses. I hate it, and they don't seem to understand that I am very uncomfortable with it.

I get that this ask is getting rather long, but to save some space, here is a Google docs link of everything I've vented in that discord server, which is the closest thing to a safe space I have.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bTiYdI5k_E-6HZwoR8V3rXMWBAcGPGLKg2JrLsMvHI4/edit?usp=sharing

Also, I have reached out to my school counselor, and we have weekly sessions, but I am scared that it won't end up okay, so I came here for some advice. What would you suggest I do?

Thanks for listening,

Rin.

Hey there, Rin. I'm sorry I took so long to reply! Hope you see this anyway. And please, let me know if you want me to delete this ask at any point for privacy reasons, especially because of the Google doc (and the fact you've updated it since you sent this ask). I've not read all of it, but I skimmed it, and I'm really sorry you've had to go through so much.

Your parents sound horrible, and I know you've said that hitting your children is commonplace where you live (so much so that even teachers normalise it), but I really hope you know that just because something is socially acceptable it doesn't mean it isn't abusive. I really hope you know what you're going through is emotional, physical, and verbal abuse, as well as control. You never deserved to be hit, or yelled at, or belittled, or touched when you don't want to be touched, or used as an emotional punching bag for your parents' problems. You don't deserve any of this 😔

Your ask actually reminded me a lot of how I felt when I was around 14-15, and I just really want you to know you aren't alone in your trauma and your pain, and you deserve to be taken seriously. And I also want you to know things can get better. Life won't always feel like this.

The advice I can give you right now is limited, because you're still really young and cutting out your parents/putting physical distance between you and them isn't possible at the moment. But I would definitely recommend continuing to document the things they do to you if it's safe for you to do so, and reaching out to trusted adults who can help you gain safety, like teachers and counselors. There's also the option of reaching out to your friends' parents if they're good people, or to your extended family, especially if there's anyone in it who's known for being the "black sheep" or who you know will share your beliefs that you shouldn't, you know, abuse your children.

I also want you to know that it's not your responsibility to fix your parents, or to put in the effort to make them not abusive. None of this is your fault. You don't have control over their actions or decisions; and their abuse is their decision, and not something you've caused. Please try to remember this if they make you feel like it's your fault they're yelling at you, hitting you or mistreating you in any other way.

Other than that, my advice is to just hold on. I know adulthood is still years away, and I know the idea of leaving behind a situation like this can feel extremely overwhelming, and the idea of being okay afterwards completely unfathomable. But I just want you to know you don't have to have it all figured out right now. Right now, it's enough if you just survive. Another year, another month, another day, another hour. By whatever means: whether that's venting to people you can trust or holding on to books and shows you like or anything else. Right now, surviving is enough. And, one day, you'll be able to handle the rest.

You're welcome for listening! Feel free to let me know how you're doing. Sending all my support your way ❤️

[actualbird]

Feel free to decline, but are you willing to share a bit more about what it's been like having COVID (symptoms, timeline, etc.)? I'm so paranoid about breakthrough infections after being vaccinated and hearing about other vaxxed people who are pulling through helps ease some of that fear!

hello!! and no problem!!!!

the family covid situation started when my dad got home from work (our area is stil under some kind of quarantine, but the philippines has had So Many Kinds Of Quarantine that i can no longer really tell what kind of quarantine we r under rip... but he goes to the office sometimes, is my point). his office is a few cities away. came home with bad flu symptoms on sept 13. we quarantined him in a room in our house but this house is Small and there are 8 people living here. in order, the others who got covid from him are mother then my younger sibling then me

my father and mother got pretty bad symptoms for their first 7 days. the whole experience, fevers, headaches, fatigue, loss of smell and taste. they were fully vaccinated with Sinovac but also they are both above 50 years old. my younger sibling just turned 18 this month so they arent vaccinated at all (gotta be 18 here to sign up for vaccines) and they also had it very tough for the first half; cough, fatigue, very sore throat after the cough. im 22 years old and i got my first dose of Astrazeneca in august but not the second dose, but my young age like my younger sibling helped me out a bunch in addition with the first dose. only symptoms i got was fatigue, some headaches, and I Could Not Breathe Very Well for those first 3 days but the breathing bit is my fault, im a smoker who has been smoking half a pack a day every day for the past 4 years lol.

now though, all four of us covid positivers are doing pretty well!!! my father and younger sib r all the way better now, and me and my mom are just shaking off the rest of the fatigue.

if theres one thing i can tell ya about symptoms personally, it is that they dont all show up in one go. they trickle in sometimes before going away and then Sometimes They Come Back skfkfkfjf. before yesterday i felt all the way better and then yesterday fatigue kicked my ass again. i just woke up today and im unsure yet about my physical state but today is still pnly my 8th day after symptoms started showing. ive got supposedly 6 more days to be in the clear.....

but yeah, being vaccinated absolutely helps!!!!!! please please if you can get vaccinated where you are, Do It. if you can choose your vaccine im insanely jealous (vaccine rollouts here are random, literal immunization gacha JFJDJFJ) and also pick one that has a great efficacy rate. im quite sure that the vaccines helped me n my parents pull through AND also stopped covid from spreading to the four other people in this household.

i hope this answer helps!!!!!! everybody, get vaccinated!!!!!!

[amidst-thestcrs]

8 Facts about my Muse(s).

Tagged by: Someone at Summer’s old blog 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Tagging: @feralspace-bitch / @speck-of-stardust, @fightan0therday, @tr0ubled-s0uls, @starrys0nder, @hiemaleyes, @implausiblynaive, @defactomatriarch, and anyone else interested!! (You guys totally don’t have to do this if you don’t want to either ofc!) 😌👌❤❤

Morti

1) Despite having “freedom” while living with Gary, Morti actually missed out on quite a bit of typical things that other kids genuinely experience around her age. This doesn’t really bother her until other people start making her feel like it’s a problem though. Gary always had a convenient excuse for everything: they didn’t have enough money to afford cable so they only had a dvd player; most of his family had either died or lived far away so they didn’t ever visit extended family; they lived too far away from signal towers to get wifi so they didn’t have internet; etc.. Due to this, I imagine she missed out on quite a lot of normal things and probably hasn’t even done something as simple as been in a car before.

2) Morti responds well to kindness and doesn’t comprehend mean or abrupt people as she doesn’t understand why someone would be that.

3) Her favorite animal is a frog! She adores frogs so much and used to adore the little pond by their house when she lived with Gary. He actually caught one for Morti as a pet which she still has and named Henry! It’s her most prized possession and best friend. ❤

4) I think if Morti wasn’t able to form a strong bond with the Smith family when/if she goes back home, Morti would 100% be willing to go back and live with Gary again if that ever became an option, even despite all the lies. 

5) Despite living with Gary for most of her life, Morti was still a “Morty” underneath it all as she’s always had a fascination with space even as a kid. She owned many astronomy books and even Gary brought her home a telescope for her that she used all the time to see the stars at night.

6) Morti has no memory of the Smith family whatsoever. She doesn’t remember any of them and will always feel bad for this especially since she feels like she’s probably supposed to remember them.

7) I think she puts up with the name Morti cause she doesn’t think anyone really cares enough to call her otherwise, but if given the choice, Morti would much rather go by the name September/Ember as it’s the name she’s used to and the one that feels most like her to her.

8) The Ricks have given Morti a card to stick in her pocket when she goes off on her own in the citadel. It’s basically just a little business card of sorts that she’s suppose to hand out and get back that literally says, “Hi, I’m an identity confused Morticia/Morty (not September/Ember or any other weird shit she says) from dimension C-323. I’m not lost or abandoned, I’m just annoying but they’re looking for my Rick so don’t take me. Okay, now fuck off. Scram!”. As you can tell, she did not write this note herself. 

Rick

1) Rick’s been alone most of his life. After his parents died in the crash, he never really had any friends and was never able to marry so no other family either. Really since they died he’s been on his own.

2) In truth, I imagine Doofus Rick really wanted/wants a family like how all the other Ricks have, but it just never happened for him. The Diane (or other versions of Rick’s ex-wife) in his universe just wasn’t interested in him and honestly just felt like he was beneath her-- something she actually admitted to his face when they were in college and he tried to ask her out. Mostly any other time he tried to ask someone out since has had the same result anyways.

3) Medical science has always been more his area of expertise than other kinds of science which is the main reason why he was able to cure cancer in his dimension among other forms of awful diseases. I think he’s well known in his universe as medical genius and hero, but really he just considers himself just a regular person, nothing special.

4) He probably owns way more books than he’ll ever read in his life, most old science books and such.

5) My Rick never got a Morty like in the tv show, I imagine he tried once and the council laughed in his face. Due to this, he instead simply tries his best to help any other Morty in need that he can.

6) Rick occasionally volunteers at the Morty Daycare Center when he has free time.

7) If it wasn’t for his lack of time, Rick would most likely get a pet to help out with how lonely his life can be at times but I think he genuinely worries about not being home a lot to be able to take care of it. If he was home more, I could totally see him getting a rescue from a shelter somewhere, but he doesn’t want to burden an animal with lack of human interaction.

8) Rick’s not as stupid as everyone believes him to be, he’s actually fairly smart and can hold conversations really well. The thing with him is just mainly anxiety that makes him extremely awkward. If he didn’t worry so much about what others thought of him he’d probably have the confidence of a regular Rick but still way nicer than a typical Rick.

Summer

1) It’s common knowledge to everyone at this point that Beth turned into an absolute disaster of a mother after Jerry died which is the main reason why Summer and Beth have such an explosive and abusive relationship. Pretty much everyone in their neighborhood, their extended family, and at Summer’s school knew about the bad blood between those two but everyone just stays quiet about it tbh, even after Summer started showing up to school with bruises. Everyone assumes these two have always hated each other, but something that isn’t really known by others is that Summer actually loved Beth a lot when she was very little despite the abuse her mother constantly took out on her. She was young and trusted the only adult in her life even if she didn’t love her back, this is something Beth sometimes brings up in arguments to either annoy Summer or in attempts to guilt trip her. Usually it’s something along the lines of “I remember when you used to love me! You thought the world of me back then!”.

2) One sure-fire way to get Summer to shut up/get under her skin is to tell her she’s exactly like her mother or even looks like her. Summer wants absolutely nothing to do with Beth and even though the two of them are very similar in looks, she does not want to be associated in any way to her mom. She heard Beth say too many times that the two of them were way too similar that even the notation of that coming from someone else, especially someone Summer considers close, will immediately struck her silent and it will bother her immensely. 

3) Summer absolutely loves astrology and knows a lot on the different zodiac signs. She’ll sometimes even guess someone’s zodiac before even knowing it and will even point it out all the time just to mess with people-- for example: “That’s such a Gemini thing to do too, you really are one, huh?”.

4) Although Summer’s attitude is a big reason why it’s hard to get close to her, that’s not the main reason why. It’s actually Summer’s trust issues that prevent her from having close relationships with people outside of her inner circle. Summer is very particular about who she trusts and lets into her life. Her trust is very hard to earn and very easy to lose. If she feels her trust has been broken, she’s very quick to immediately discontinue a friendship/relationship with someone and back away. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.” as the saying goes. Now with that said, it is possible to gain Summer’s trust back again depending on the person, but just know it’s gonna be ten times harder to gain back the second time than it already was the first time. So good luck!

5) Summer started smoking at the age of fourteen due to it being an appetite suppressant. Since Beth spent most, if not all, of her unemployment check on alcohol, there wasn’t really ever food in the house for them to eat, at least not food that was safe to consume. On the rare times they did have groceries, Beth would sometimes hide food when she was drunk then forget where she put it, eventually leading to it going molded. However instead of throwing any expired food away, she’d always save it and then serve it to herself and Summer at a later date. Due to this, Summer often had a lot of food poisoning growing up and got most of her meals from school or a friend’s house. Smoking helped her not feel hungry on times when food wasn’t available to her so she actually was a much heavier smoker as a teenager compared to now. Being out on her own now, Summer has cut back quite a bit, going from about a pack or so a day to smoking maybe four cigarettes a day. She doesn’t really smoke in her house much either, always goes outside when she wants to have a smoke.

6) Despite not being religious in the slightest, Summer went to church with Tricia ( @tr0ubled-s0uls​ ) on the occasional Sunday just to cause drama with her friend. The two of them would often talk/giggle really loud, take turns “coughing” while not-so-subtly stating “God’s not real”, and in general doing whatever to interrupt church service. The two of them would often find a way to leave early to go smoke out in the parking lot or bathrooms and would get breakfast after service. The main reason they’d do this is because Tricia’s dad often times forced her to attend his church services as he was a pastor. Needless to say, Tricia’s dad did not like Summer, for more reasons than just one.

7) Summer still visits Jerry’s grave from time to time and leaves fresh flowers on his tombstone. She’ll never admit it cause she thinks it sounds stupid, but sometimes she just vents to his graves or talks to him like he’s actually there even though she doesn’t believe in ghosts.

8) Speaking of which, Jerry is the one who actually named Summer! The only reason why she knows this is primarily because of her grandparents, but also because she has a vague memory of him proudly boosting about that when she was little. The reason why he named her was because shortly after Summer’s birth, the doctors asked Beth to hold her and feed her in attempts of bonding with her child but she wanted nothing to do with her. Instead Jerry did these things for Summer and when asked what she wanted to name her child she claimed she didn’t care. This in turn left the responsibility on Jerry in which he chose the name Summer because she was born during the summertime and he thought “Summer Elise Smith” sounded beautiful.

[pricklylegs]

Camilla's Story"I don't like social media and try to avoid it at all costs. I just had a life-altering moment and feel the need to somehow share it with the world. So, I'm going to share my story and then I'm going back to not using social media.I know no one will probably ever see this. But my story will now be a part of history. My Mom died giving birth to my little sister. My dad raised 3 kids by himself. It was hard, he had a mental illness. At times, life was a bit crazy. He was also a heavy smoker. When I was 7 my dad got lung cancer. He quit smoking. He got out of control and we were put in foster care. It took 14 months before they let us go back home. When we got there, my dad was smoking again and still fighting cancer. My baby sister got asthma so dad quit smoking again. After that, my dad was great one day and really weird the next. When I was 10 I found my dad hanging in the basement. He killed himself. I'll never forgive him for doing that to us. Never. I found out years later that his cancer got worse and was terminal and he didn't want us kids to watch him slowly die from cancer and he had no way to take care of us when he was so sick. We had no family that could take us in. We were split up and put back in foster care. My little sister got adopted. My older brother and I were stuck in the system until we aged out and were dumped on the streets at 18 to fend for ourselves. My brother took up smoking and has COPD. He can't walk 2 blocks. We don't know where our sister is or how she's doing. It's like the world just expects us all to forget each other. I never took up smoking. I hate smoking, it killed my dad. I hate the nicotine that addicted my dad. I have dedicated my life to fighting anything with nicotine.I have dedicated my life to fighting big tobacco. I have never dated a smoker. I married a non-smoker. I beat the crap out of my daughter when I caught her smoking because I was afraid the nicotine would kill her, too. I have joined every antitobacco group in my community. Since my dad died, I have been disgusted by people who use nicotine, who suck on a cigarette, who put a wad of tobacco in their mouths, or think they're cool using one of those vape things. I thought I was honoring my dad's life by working to end smoking and nicotine use.Over the years I've spent so much money fighting big tobacco that my kids didn't have everything I could have given them. I've gone to meetings and hearings and have missed events in my kid's life because I was fighting big tobacco and big nicotine. It was my mission in life. I'm on vacation visiting an old friend. A friend who quit smoking 8 years ago. This friend worked hard to quit. They use one of those vape things and I have always been harsh on them because to me they still smoked and were a nicotine addict. There was zero compassion from me. My friend has a disorder (I can't remember what it's called). She fights depression and anxiety all the time. It has cost her a marriage and a few jobs. I don't really understand what it must be like to be that depressed. I probably can't because I'm always so angry about my life. This morning she put coffee and breakfast out on her patio. The weather is beautiful here. She put her laptop on the table between us and asked me to spend the morning watching a movie with her. When I found out what the movie is, I didn't want to see it. She begged. Not wanting to be rude, I agreed to watch it. Honestly, I wasn't happy about it and tried to ignore it, but after a few minutes, the damn movie sucked me in and I was lost in it for the next hour and a half. Long before the movie was over I was flooded with emotions. I could not stop crying. I hugged my friend and tried so hard to say I was sorry for being so mean about her being an addict. I never understood that maybe that nicotine was helping her. We cried together. We then talked about my dad and his cycles of smoking and quitting smoking and how his mental illness was OK sometimes and awful other times. We talked about my anger and my pain. I got raped in foster care and I've always blamed my dad for that. I blamed him for abandoning us. My friend said she realizes it's hard for people like me to understand that sometimes people with mental illnesses really believe that others would be better off without them. She said that she thinks that in my dad's eyes, killing himself was an act of love to protect us kids. I'll be here for a week enjoying the sunshine. When I get home, I'm going to resign from the organizations I belong to. I'll always encourage people to not smoke so they don't get lung cancer like my dad or COPD like my brother. My days of telling people to hate nicotine are over. I hope I'm doing this right and it all shows up in the right order. I feel exhausted. Emotionally drained. But right now, I feel less angry than I have felt since I was 10.I want to thank my friend (she doesn't want me to use her name) for helping me deal with years of pain. She has always supported me, even when I haven't been supportive enough of her. I will be telling others about this movie. I also want to think her for helping me set up this twitter thing to tell my story. Putting it in words has been helpful. Maybe I'll come back someday and read it all again. If anyone ever finds my story please see the movie You Don't Know Nicotine.My friend says I should put: #knownicotine in this so here it is. I think we're going to go grab a bottle of wine and do some day drinking now that we've both cried our eyes out. Thank-you for reading my story."~ Camilla AndersonSee the original series of tweets here:https://twitter.com/Camilla611.../status/1330546468030210051

[purplesurveys]

754

Does anyone know your bank pin number other than you? Who? I don’t even have one of those yet.

Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed? I'm not sure. I know she's told me before about being diagnosed with depression, but I’ve forgotten if it’s mild or severe, or if she has the whole thing or is just showing symptoms of it. She only mentioned it in passing so I figured it wasn’t something she wanted to touch on further.

Would you be able to climb out your bedroom window to sneak out? Probably but I’d have to be really careful to not end up shattering my legs or any other part of my body haha, but knowing me I’d probably land badly. I live on the second floor but the house isn’t that high, so I think I could give it a shot.

What would you do if you found out the last person you called was pregnant/got someone pregnant? I’d be very confused because she’s very gay and also because she’s only been staying at home since March.

Can you taste the difference between brand name food and store brand food? I wouldn’t be able to relate since store brand’s not really a thing here. Only SM makes their own stuff but they’re purposely cheaper because they’re meant to be of lower quality to begin with. Other than that, we don’t really have a choice but buy brand name.

Would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? Which one more? Just the tampons, probably. I never need condoms so I have no reason to feel awkward buying them, and in fact I’ve volunteered to buy them for Angela whenever she feels shy haha; I definitely have no reason to be embarrassed buying pads because periods are a thing. I will likely feel most awkward getting tampons since I don’t know any one person who uses them where I live and it’ll most likely be seen as an unusual purchase since they’re quite uncommon.

If a stranger went in your room, would they be able to tell what gender you are from just looking at it? Probably. I have a poster of Nam Joo Hyuk, several Audrey Hepburn memorabilia, and a lot of pink stuff so it very much looks like a stereotypical girly room. I do think it’s kinda balanced out by the amount of WWE merch I own, but yeah otherwise my other stuff screams girly.

Are your parents gullible? When it comes to home stuff my mom is basically a witch; she can immediately tell if my dog peed somewhere, if I lost something, or if a dining chair isn’t positioned right. But when it comes to fake news on Facebook she will occasionally flock to them hahaha I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to remind her that phones DO NOT emit radiation from 12AM to 5AM and that it’s only a ploy to get people to sleep early lmfao. My dad is pretty intelligent and won’t be easily fooled about anything.

Do you still own a VCR? I know my parents owned one but I don’t know if they still brought it here when we moved 12 years ago or if they already threw it out.

About how much money have you spent on food in the past two weeks? :( Zero pesos. The only thing I’ve spent on this entire quarantine was a bottle of soju I asked my dad to buy and I paid him after.

If you were in a car accident would the last person you kissed care? Yes.

If you were looking for a new pair of shoes where would you go? UPTC since they have like ten shoe stores there.

How much was the last pair of shoes you bought? I haven’t had a new pair in like a year now, but the last one we bought cost arounddddd ₱4200, if I remember correctly.

What color is the computer/laptop you’re on? Did you buy it yourself? Gray. No, it was a gift from my parents.

Do you have a second home? I guess I count my childhood home my second home. My grandma and cousins remain in that house, so we visit from time to time and when we’re there I’ve noticed that I still retain the same tendencies and habits from when I still lived there.

Would you be surprised if you saw the last person you texted smoking? I’ll use the last person I chatted in this context since I haven’t texted in a hot minute, and that person would be Andrew. I’d be quite concerned since they’ve told me they’ve quit smoking, so there must be something extremely stressful going on for them to start smoking. I’d check up on them immediately.

Does the smell of cigarettes, weed and beer repulse you? I do super hate the smell of beer even though I have no other choice but to drink it sometimes; I still find the smell of cigarettes disgusting although my contempt for them has lessened over the last few years seeing as a lot of people I know are smokers so I’ve been around that smell a lot, and also because I’ve started too. I’ve never been around weed and I don’t know how it smells.

Was the last person you kissed younger or older than you? Younger by a month.

Do you think people have any misconceptions about you? Not really? What I get most frequently is people thinking I was grumpy at first, but tbh I am pretty grumpy so they aren’t far off from the truth. With me it’s usually a what you see is what you get thing whether someone’s meeting me for the first or the 78th time.

Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies? Nope, not a thing here. I’ve always found the variety of cookies so fascinating though and I’ve always wanted to try the Thin Mints and Samoas since they’re what I hear about the most :(

Do you like waffles? They’re okay, though I only ever eat waffles with fried chicken and never just by themselves. I prefer pancakes.

Do you watch birthing videos on a day-to-day basis? Nah man wtf? I have no reason to be doing that lmao.

Do you find piercings/tattoos attractive? I don’t find either attractive. I get curious when I see tattoo because I wonder what the story behind it is and what it means to the person who has it, that’s all. As for piercings, I don’t really like them < Pretty much. Like I don’t go looking around for tattoos on a person to find them attractive; I just like hearing the histories behind them. Same with piercings, I don’t need them to be attracted to someone.

Would you talk to someone you don’t know on the internet? Only on social media that I’m already familiar with and comfortable in, like on this Tumblr, or Twitter, sometimes Facebook. I wouldn’t go to like Quora to ask something or join forums or even post anything on Reddit.

How often do you drink Monster? Never. Energy drinks scare me lol.

Have you ever made totally pointless videos with your friends? I’ve made those for myself, but not with friends. I remember filming a house tour with my flip phone’s video camera back when I was like, 8 hahaha I was ahead of our time for sure.

Do you like to buy those Warped Tour compilations? I don’t even know those existed. I just knew of Warped Tour and that all the cool bands of the time would play there, but that’s it. I’m clueless about everything else that goes on in there.

Do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth? You mean just a restaurant? Inside, for sure. I would never agree to eating outside and am always willing to wait a few extra minutes. I hate having to contend with passersby while I eat my food as I feel that it ruins the experience as well as the time I have with the person/s I’m eating with.

Do you own a nightgown? No but I had duster dresses that I’d wear to bed as a kid, if that counts lol.

Have you ever made a house out of a giant cardboard box? Probably not. My mom wouldn’t allow us to play with those and she’d immediately view them as trash that needs to be thrown out.

Have you ever made a tent out of sheets in your bedroom? No. I usually used the sheets as a cape or robe, then I’d pretend to be a queen.

Do your grandparents know how to operate a cell phone? My paternal grandparents do. My maternal grandfather used to regularly use a phone before he passed. My maternal grandmother refuses to learn :(

Have you ever had sex or something like it? Hahahaha ‘something like it.’ Yeah, I’ve had sex.

Have you ever read a George Orwell book? I tried reading 1984 when I was like 13 but didn’t understand it from the get-go. I haven’t continued it since but honestly I’m very open to revisiting it one of these days.

Have you ever worn fishnets? I don’t remember ever doing so. I feel like it’d be so uncomfortable; I hate wearing stockings as it is.

How many piercings and tattoos do you have? I only have my ears pierced and no tattoos < Sameeee.

Is someone in your family affected by Asperger’s? Nope.

In a hotel do you always nose through all the drawers and cupboards? Hahahahaha yeah, just out of curiosity. I’ve never seen anything interesting, but I keep trying.

Would you rather go out to eat or be eaten out? Be eaten out right now. I’ve had too much abstinence from sexual activity for my own liking lol < Ok it’s 1 in the afternoon but SAME lol

Do you always wear your seat belt? Honestly, no and it’s a shitty habit that I need to correct ASAP. I never notice that I’m not wearing them until it’s one of my parents riding with me and they scold me for driving out of the village without a seatbelt. I do put it on when I enter bigger cities with more police patrolling the area like Ortigas and Makati, or when I drive out of town, but usually it stays off.

Have you ever liked someone much older than you? No. I’ve had a crush on a teacher, but I obviously didn’t legit like him haha.

Have you ever been in a play? Just the annual school plays we do that all students are required to be a part of. I forgot to mention this in a recent survey but I was in an acting club in Grade 1 and I played Cinderella’s prince in our culminating play, heheh.

Do you have any secrets that nobody knows about? Sure.

Is there ice cream in your freezer? Yeah. My parents love ice cream so we always have an ample supply of their favorite flavors. Sometimes we’ll also have a tub of cookies and cream since it’s our (the kids’) favorite flavor.

Have you ever started to laugh but played it off as a cough successfully? For sure. I always laugh at inappropriate moments so I do fake coughs a lot.

Have you ever liked the lyrics of a band but hated the music? I suppose so. Hate is a strong word and I’d rather not use it, but while the music my girlfriend listens to wouldn’t be what I’d tune into on a regular basis, the lyrics are admittedly very well-written and intelligent and reflective, and I don’t mind it when she shares her favorite songs with me :)

Does your bathroom have a window? Yes but they’re high up on the wall.

Do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done? No, I’m really scared of threading :( Everyone always gets out of the salon with their eyebrow area all red and tingling and it’s enough to scare me off of threading forever lmao. I’m not very conscious about how my own eyebrows look, so I just let them grow out.

When you were younger did you read the A Series Of Unfortunate Events books? I’ve only seen snippets of the movie.

Who was the last band you saw live? Paramore. I miss them already.

Do you believe prayer really works? I’m not gonna invalidate the fact that it works for a lot of people. But it’s just not my cup of tea, and I honestly don’t know how to feel whenever someone says they pray for me since I don’t believe in it anyway. Of course I thank them, but on the inside I’m always a little puzzled.

Are you a fan of the band Gym Class Heroes? Never been. I know Stereo Hearts and that was always a fun song to sing, but it’s not my favorite either.

Frosted flakes or frosted mini wheats? I don’t really have either, but I’d go with frosted flakes I guess?

Have you been on a date in the park? I would love to have one of these if we actually had parks. How nice would it be to take a long stroll, have a picnic, and just sit on a bench talking for hours?

Ever dated someone you were best friends with first? Yes. At first I didn’t want to risk it since we were reeeeeally close, but I don’t regret asking her out.

Are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family? Thankfully no. Although my grandpa and his sister did pass from heart attacks and I’m starting to be scared that it might develop to be a pattern for some of us. But other than that, both sides of the family are relatively healthy.

Do you have asthma? No. But Gab does and I get really worried once her breathing becomes labored at night. I keep telling her to get a new nebulizer after her old one broke, but I dunno what’s become of that request of mine.

Are tongue piercings slutty? No, and it’s not like being slutty is a bad thing lol.

Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? No one in real life but I do still have a crush on CM Punk who’s turning 42 this year hahah. I don’t think that crush is ever gonna go away.

Last person to take off your pants, besides you? Gab.

Do you remember those cool highlighters that smelled like popcorn? I knew about markers and ballpens, but not highlighters.

Might you enjoy hanging out in the woods for day or two? No thanks. I’d rather have somewhere to go home to or rest at by the end of the day, and if I was gonna do this I prefer to be with someone who knows a thing or two about surviving in the woods.

Have you ever written something on a bathroom stall? Nope. The worst thing I’ve done was write on one of the desks in grade school.

Least favorite alcoholic drink? Out of the ones I tried, I didn’t like whisky at all. Too bitter for me < Twins. I hated the ever living shit out of Jim Beam and Jack Daniels when I tried them.

Have you ever kissed someone named Paul or Luke? I haven’t. I have a cousin named Luke that I used to babysit and I kissed him a lot when he was a baby, if that counts lol.

How did you meet the last male you texted? I met them at the Marcos heroes’ burial protests. I have no idea how I started talking to them, but I think it was because they were wearing a Nexus shirt and I told them I like it, and we started talking from there.

Have you ever had an embarrassing email address? Yup. I wasn’t allowed to make an email address when I was young so I had to sneak around and make a fake Yahoo username so my parents would never find me. I don’t remember what it was anymore but it was for sure embarrassing so I’m just grateful my brain threw that memory out.

Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand? OMG this survey is so long. I put it on my left hand.

Do you have a bull ring through your nose? Nope, no piercings.

Do you and your dad get along? Better than my mom and I.

Can you see your purse right now? Nah, it’s in my room upstairs.

Are you wearing any perfume? What kind? I am not. I haven’t had a reason to in a while.

Are there products in your hair? Just shampoo and conditioner.

When you get colds, do you use nasal spray to help get your nose unstuffy? No. Whaaaat, those exist? I just blow my nose or just live through the stuffiness.

Do you actually like sneezing? I love it, it’s such an underrated sensation lmao. It feels better when you’ve actually been needing to sneeze for a while and it finally comes through.

Have you taken a shower yet today? Nope, I usually take them at night.

Do you have one best friend who is always there for you? I have two.

Do you wear skirts a lot? Not really, I don’t like skirts because I feel exposed wearing them. I prefer shorts.

Do you wear sweatpants a lot? Nope.

How many pairs of jeans do you think you have? I can remember five pairs right now, but I have many other kinds of bottoms in my closet like culottes and leggings.

Do you like hoodies? They’re okay. I find them more comfortable if they belong to someone else, hah.

Big ones or the form fitting kind? Form-fitting if I’m buying for myself; big ones if I’m borrowing from Gabie.

Do you wear polo shirts a lot? I never wear them. My mom made me wear them often as a kid and it made me feel like a boy, so I’ve kinda had a predisposition to be wary of them as I got older since I was teased frequently enough about being a tomboy as a kid as it is.

Did you ever actually have a rubber duck? I think we probably did.

Are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? I have one big regret and the rest of my ‘regrets’ are small and are stuff like “I regret not picking up food on my way home because I’m now hungry.” The way I’ve always thought is that I did the things I did before because I chose to do them and I was happy to do them, and I’ve honestly felt barely any regret even though things didn’t turn out the best. There’ve been mistakes but I’ve just chosen to learn from them instead of regretting them at the same time. Do you love your computer? Love it.

Do you drink coffee? Yeah. I’ve been doing it a lot this quarantine but I think it’s been giving me headaches, so I stopped for now.

Do you basically like all of your clothes? No. There are some at the bottom of the pile that I’m no longer crazy about anymore.

Do you shop mostly with your parents, your friends, or by yourself? My mom. She tends to know what looks best on me, and she also pays for the clothes hahaha.

[artificialqueens]

Ride you like my Harley (Trixya) - Chapter 5 - AnnieSantaWifey

A/N - AU world inspired by the TV show Sons of Anarchy. If anyone reading this watches the show, I hope you are not bothered with me changing the storylines for my needs. Whoopsies. Everything is told from Katya’s POV.

T/W - bad language, probably grammar mistakes, horrible pick up lines and puns, mentions of drugs, rape, adoption, death and violence.

It was about seven in the morning when Katya woke up from one of the most peaceful sleeps she ever had. She usually didn’t sleep much even if she wanted to. She just couldn’t sleep properly through the whole night, waking up every few hours or not being able to find a good position to sleep in. Apparently, sleeping in another girl’s arms was a good way to do so.

Katya slowly and carefully got out of the Barbie’s grip, managing to almost fall off the bed two times before she actually stood up. Finding an oversized shirt under the bed that she had no idea where she got, putting it on as she walked towards the window, grabbing her cigarettes as she did so.

She only had one cigarette the night before and her addiction was kicking in. She needed a smoke and that was why she was opening the window a bit, leaning against the wall as she lit her cigarette, taking a drag of it immediately. Running her hand through her hair, she looked out of the window before her eyes travelled all across the room, noticing all of their clothes everywhere before her eyes fixed on the sleeping girl in her own bed.

After she finished her cigarette, went to the toilet in her own bathroom, got a roll with ham for breakfast and got dressed up into proper clothes before she stood next to the window once again, smoking her second cigarette for the day already.

“You know, I always said I am never going to date a smoker.”

Katya’s head flew around, the edges of her mouth curling up into a smile. “Wow, Tracy, one night with my magical fingers and you are already all up for marriage.”

“Oh, please, you know what I meant.”

The biker only chuckled in response. “Did I wake you? Sorry.”

“No, no, I have been rolling from side to side for the past ten minutes or so.” Katya nodded, taking another drag of her cigarette, trying to finish it as quickly as possible now that Trixie was awake.

“Why do you smoke?”

Sighs. I hate this question.

“It’s all I have left.” She answered honestly, surprising even herself by the answer.

“What do you mean?”

The smoker went quiet, the wheels in her head running impossibly fast. She wasn’t sure if she wants Trixie to know about her past. You either tell them everything or nothing, right?

“I have been addicted to alcohol, cocaine and meth. Cigarettes are the only thing that I didn’t give up.” She spoke quietly, her eyes finding Trixie whose expression got softer after Katya’s words, her hand reaching out for Katya to take. Ugh, no, ugh, fuck.

She shook her head slightly, knowing that she would feel even worse if the other girl was comforting her. “I have been sober for four years now, I am fine, really, I am.” She assured the other girl, taking a few steps towards the Barbie but not taking her hand.

“What happened? What made you do those things, Kat?” Trixie asked carefully, obviously not knowing if she can ask questions or not.

Katya sighed out loud, sitting down onto the bed, making a list of pros and cons about the fact if this girl next to her should know her whole story or not. “Okay, Miss Mattel, you want to get a sap story, you are going to get one.”

She then moved a bit on the bed, leaning against the bed frame as she grabbed onto the rim of her shirt, avoiding Trixie’s eyes, staring out of the window instead so she wouldn’t have to face the sympathetic look she is going to get.

“My biological parents were junkies, all alone and shit. They actually killed themselves with the drugs few months after I was born, so I ended up in the children’s home. I don’t know much about them, just what I managed to find out. Apparently my father was Russian, that is why the Russian name. Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova originally, now Yekaterina Petrovna Teller. Or Katya Teller.” She spoke calmly, keeping herself collected as she started her monologue she had to say only once to all of the girls from the club. She didn’t have to tell her story to anyone else since Ginger was with her through it just as Wendy.

“I was in the children’s home for three years until a woman named Gemma Teller visited the home, bringing things that belonged to her deceased son Thomas, wanting to give them to other people since he was not going to use the anymore. Or that’s what she told me anyway.” She continued, smiling at the memory of her mother. “She told me that she was only there to drop the things off but there was a little blonde girl, me, if you haven’t figured that out, who caught her attention by throwing her car on her and instead of apologizing, she just yelled out ‘50 points for Kitty!’” She laughed, shaking her head slightly. She didn’t remember it but she remembered her mom’s face when she told her the story.

“Mom said she saw something in me and she visited the home a few more times before deciding she wanted to adopt me. She never told me why she actually decided to do so but I think she just wanted another child around. I told you her son Thomas died and she actually had another son, Jackson, so I am still not sure why she took me in and I am never going to find out now but she just said she fell in love with me.” The biker shrugged slightly, feeling like a hand was grabbing her heart and tearing it out all over again as she continued to talk about the woman.

“Her and her husband, John, were quite a big deal in the town so it didn’t take as long as usual for the adoption and by the time I was four, I was with them.” She took a deep breath, already wanting to smoke another cigarette. Closing her eyes slightly when she could feel Trixie’s hand grabbing her own. “I honestly had the best childhood I could. My mom was amazing, the most badass woman you could ever meet. The most beautiful one as well but she could kill you with a look if she wanted to.” Katya laughed softly. “And my big brother Jackson was also the best brother you could ever ask for. He is four years older than me but I remember him playing with me and teaching me so much shit. I guess you can figure out that’s where I got the love for the bikes from.” The biker winked at the girl next to her. “When we were older, he taught me how to defend myself, how to shoot a gun, how to ride a bike, basically most of the things I know. And mom teached me all of the girly things, of course. Like cooking and shits.” She rolled her eyes at the word 'girly’.

“But my childhood memories aren’t important right now. Let’s just keep it simple. My dad died, riding his bike into a truck in unbelievable speed. Jax joined his own club to keep his mind off it so it was just me and mom. I was fifteen at that point. Doing all the experimenting things at the time. Alcohol, weed, sex. It was alright at that point but my friend introduced me to cocaine and that was when it went down a hill. There wasn’t actually any reason for me to fall into drugs, it just happened. I was alone with mom being busy as fuck with a new guy she found, Clay, and since no one was there to properly stop me, it went from weed and alcohol to cocaine, alcohol and meth.”

The biker took a break from her life story, taking a few seconds before she started talking again. “Jax found a girlfriend, now wife, well now ex-wife actually, and I was just a fuck up, not knowing what the fuck I am doing with my life. Mom had that new husband and he was the president of the club with Jax being the vice president and well, as you know, the motorcycle clubs can have some enemies and..” Katya’s words started breaking when the memories came back into her mind. Tears threatening to fall down from her eyes but the girl kept herself collected. “My mom got raped by three assholes.” She then just said, anger flashing through her eyes. “And since I am already honest about everything and people know about it anyway, Jax killed all of them. He killed them and I am glad he did, I would have done the same if I was in the right mind at that time.” She admitted truthfully.

“That was when I woke the fuck up. My mom got fucking raped and I couldn’t even help her because I was a junkie. I didn’t end it, I just cut it down a bit. That was seven years ago. After that I started getting a bit better. I was still taking but I tried to control it for mom. Plus I was a prospect in the club at that point and the girls helped me a lot as well.” The biker smiled widely when she remembered how supportive the girls were. “Plus a sunshine entered my life five years ago. My nephew Abel was born and it all seemed to get better again with Jax not getting caught and having a happy family with Wendy and Abel.”

Her hand found Trixie’s, squeezing it slightly. “Then 4 years ago my mom and Clay went to a vacation in Belfast and well, they never came back. They were doing some club business, don’t ask, it’s not even important, but a bomb came off and both of them were standing too close.” She closed her eyes painfully at the memory of getting the phone call. “Around that time new evidence against my brother was found and after a few months, they locked him up. He is going to be there for 13 years, 8 if he is behaving well. So far he is 3 and half years in.” She sighed softly, rubbing her eyes, giving the other girl a small smile when she kissed her shoulder in comfort.

“The people that were responsible for my mother’s death..they are gone.” She whispered, avoiding Trixie’s eyes but she was quite sure the other girl knew exactly what she meant, not really wanting to describe how her and the rest of the club got rid of them. “After my mom died and Jax got locked up, I was the only one Wendy and Abel had. And I just had to get my shit together. So I just stopped taking everything and drinking, just from day to day. It was so fucking hard but I had to. After many, many panick attacks later and thousands of cigarette packs, I am here.” She laughed softly at her own words.

“So that’s why I smoke. It’s the only thing I have to feed my addiction. I know I shouldn’t even smoke but I have to have something, I just do.” She finished quietly, the pain from remembering all of those things showing in her expression.

“Katya..”

“No, don’t you fucking dare say you are sorry. Don’t. I hate that.” She snapped immediately, not wanting to listen how people feel sorry for her all the time.

Trixie didn’t answer, she only wrapped her arms around the biker who sighed into her neck and responded to the hug, holding onto her for a few minutes in silence before talking again.

“Are you going to leave now?”

“What? No, why would I leave Katya?”

“Why would you want to spend your time with such a fuck up like myself?”

“Oh, Katya.” She could heard a teary voice above her and she could feel her forehead being kissed. Then the silence fell over them again until it was broken by Trixie’s voice this time.

“Thank you for sharing all of this with me, I know it must have been hard.” Katya only nodded but Trixie continued. “And I think it’s only fair if I do the same.” At those words Katya pulled a bit away to look at the other girl properly. Fuck, did something happen to her?

“My real father left my mother even before I was born. Never met him, don’t want to.” The Barbie doll started and now it was Katya’s turn to hold the other girl, breathing properly to prepare because she just had a feeling she is going to get angry. “And my mom, Valerie, she just had to get around, you know? Being a single mom is not easy and she actually found a new husband, my step-father, Peter.” The beautiful girl spoke slowly, Katya’s eyes never leaving her. “He was alright at first but after some time, he started coming home drunk, getting angry and abusive.” Trixie admitted quietly with Katya having to close her eyes to calm down. She had anger issues just like her mother and brother. “He abused me for years until my mom finally admitted to herself what is going on and threw him out. I was blaming her for so long but I forgave her, I can understand she didn’t know what to do and I don’t blame her anymore.”

Trixie was playing with Katya’s hair as she talked before Katya interrupted her. “Abused you how?”

“You know how..beating me and stuff. Sometimes verbally but mostly physically, yeah.”

“Did he ever..rape you?” The biker asked carefully because she needed to know.

“No, no, I think he thought about it but he didn’t.” The Barbie spoke weirdly calmly about it.

Katya had to stay quiet for a while to calm down before she could start speaking again.

“Where is he now?”

“I don’t know and I don’t give a shit. He is gone, mom found new husband, a good one and I am happy with where I am right now. I don’t want to even hear about him ever again.” The biker nodded, not letting the Barbie doll know her plans after that statement.

“No one is ever going to hurt you again, I am going to make sure of that, Trix.”

“Oh, my hero, woo me.” The girl decided to bring back the humour after such serious conversations and they both laughed as they stayed in bed until the noon.

——

When the Barbie doll left to go see her friend Kim for lunch, Katya could finally smoke another cigarette, three actually, and clear all of her thoughts out. She could finally process what had just happened, taking in the fact that she just told Trixie her whole life story without the other girl judging her and actually shaking her own with the biker as well.

Oh, yeah, right.

The biker found her phone in her pocket, dailing Acid’s number as soon as he had it in her hand. She was the only one she could call. There was Ginger but she would ask too many questions and the blonde didn’t have time for that.

“Hey, Acid, you busy? I need something from the Rumigo hacker.” She chuckled softly when the woman on the oher end laughed. “Find me everything you can about Valerie Mattel’s ex-husband Peter. I want to know what he is doing and where he lives, you think you can do that? Thanks, babe.”

Katya ended the phone call, stretching her arms as she made her way to go say hello to her Harley since she still couldn’t ride, she wanted to at least make sure her baby is okay.

——

The blonde was now sitting behind a bar in the club house, drawing a mixture of aliens and hands on a paper that was laying around when she felt a pat on her shoulder and a file was placed on the bar counter next to her.

“Peter Hummel. Remarried and now locked up for domestic violence for two years. He has another five to do for beating up a child until it ended with the child being unconscious and brought to the hospital. There you go.”

Katya took the file into her own hands, reading through it before she looked up at Acid. “Thank you, really. You are a magician.”

“No problem, Kat.” The woman answered before her eyes flickered from the file to Katya. “I guess you don’t want me to tell the girls about this.”

The blonde shook her head slightly. “Not yet, please.” The older woman nodded slightly. “What are you going to do?”

“Well, I see he is in Stockton.”

“Isn’t that where your brother is?”

“Yeah, time for a family visit.”

——

Katya spent ten minutes annoying Acid until she agreed to give her a lift to Stockton since the blonde still didn’t have her license back and she needed someone to drive her to go see her brother.

The other woman complained through the whole time, stopping only when Katya punched her in the shoulder, telling her to shut up and turning the radio on which resolved in the both of them singing random lyrics.

Acid then agreed to wait for her outside as Katya made her way inside, having to go back twice, firstly to leave her gun behind and the second time to leave her knife behind. Going to jail with weapons? Not a smart move, Brenda.

After she was checked and given a name tag, they let her into the room where she sat down by a table, waiting for them to get her brother.

A smile was placed on her face as soon as the door opened and her brother stepped in, walking towards the table she was sitting at before sitting down himself, the guard leaving to mind his own business.

“Hey, sissy.”

“Hey, Jax.” She replied with a smile, placing her hands on the table as she shifted a bit in her chair, watching him lean back into his own seat.

“How are you doing? I didn’t see you for some time.”

“Yeah, I know, I am sorry. I have been a bit busy lately but I know, I know, no excuses for being a shitty sister here.”

“You aren’t, shut up. Now tell me, how are you and Wendy? Abel?”

“I am simply fantastic. Wendy is doing still the same, being the best she can and Abel is a good boy. I started teaching him some Russian, he likes it.” They both smiled when the name of the boy was brought up. “And how are you Jax?” The blonde then added.

“I am fine, still here, aren’t I?” The girl nodded as she looked all over her brother, he seemed to be okay. No signs of beating. He looked better than usual.

They spent a few minutes talking about her, him, their family, their clubs and Katya even told him about Trixie until she decided to get what she wanted off her chest, having to put it in a way for him to understand but for the others that could be listening not to understand.

“So, Abel has a new friend. Peter. He was also a friend of the girl I told you about some time ago. I really don’t like him, he shouldn’t spend time with Abel. I want to get rid of him.” She spoke, looking her brother directly in the eye before her eyes moved to the exit, suggesting that she wasn’t exactly talking about Abel’s friend. And Jax always being the smarter one, understood immediately.

“And do we know on which street he lives at? I mean, Abel must visit him, right?”

“I don’t know the name of a street, I just know a number, 13. And that the letter B is in it.” She said, giving him all she had, hoping he would find him.

Her brother nodded, understanding exactly what she meant by those words. “I will make sure to do something about it. Maybe talk to Wendy about it.” He replied, a smile was given his way which he returned.

He would do anything for his sister just as his sister would do anything for him.

——

From: Trixie

Kim left me to go see some new friend she met. I am lonely, save me from my misery by your terrible jokes.

From: Trixie

Actually, I need to make a run to the store. Want to come with me to the most boring date ever?

To: Trixie

Nothing is boring when I am doing it.

To: Trixie

Or doing it with you.

From: Trixie

Losing your pick up lines, are we now?

To: Trixie

Hey, Tracy, do you believe in karma? Because I know some good karma-sutra positions.

From: Trixie

I can’t believe I had hope for a second there.

To: Trixie

I will ask Raja to drop me off, be there in a few.

——

“Hey, Raja? On a scale from one to ten, how much do you want to give me a lift to Trixie’s house?”

“Like minus five but I am going to anyway or else you are going to annoy me until I do.”

“See? Few years with me and you already know exactly what I am up to.” The blonde winked at her, following her outside to get in the truck the club owned because of the servis.

As soon as she closed the door of the truck behind her, reaching for a cigarette and a lighter, offering one to Raja who shook her head, lighting her own cigarette as she leaned into her seat.

“Put on your seatbelt.”

“Really, Raja, really?”

“I caught Raven’s manners, sorry.” The other woman put on her sunglasses as she started the truck. “Still, put it on. I have no idea when was the last time I drove this thing.”

“Alright, mom, alright.” Katya agreed as she put on her seatbelt, taking a puff from her cigarette as she looked over at the woman sitting next to her.

“So, Raven, huh? How did it go?”

Raja sighed, asking Katya for an address as she drove away from the servis.

“We didn’t talk much. I spent the night and she said she will see me later, that she will come over.” The blonde watched the woman beside her, nodding slightly at her words. “You think you gonna get back together?”

“I have no fucking idea.”

Katya nodded once again, understanding Raja’s situation, keeping quiet for the rest of the ride as she smoked her cigarette.

——

The biker thanked the president of the Rumigos as she closed the door, straightening her jacket she made her way to Trixie’s house, whistling loudly to make the Barbie aware of presence.

“Hello, there. Did you just come out of the oven? Because you’re hot.” The biker called out as soon as the Barbie doll stepped out of the door, making her laugh immediately.

Points, points and more points, Brenda. Keep the score.

“I am all cooked and ready.” The other girl replied as she walked towards the Russian who had a wide smile placed on her face and pressed a kiss onto her pink lips when she was close enough.

“I can’t believe we are going grocery shopping. Like a married couple. I don’t even think Wendy and Jax went ever together. She always made me do it.” She pouted slightly, looking very much like her five year old nephew that the other girl yet had to meet. “I am going to introduce them to you soon. And we have to show Brian to Abel, he will love him.” The blonde then blurred out suddenly, surprising both of them by the statement.

“I would love to.”

“Of course you would, you worship the ground I walk on.”

“Did you and Raja hit something on your way here or what?”

“Excuse me, Miss Mattel, what are you saying? Are you saying that you don’t adore me from the deepest place of your vagina?”

“My vagina sends you her regards.”

“Tell her I miss her.”

“Oh my god, just shut up.” The Barbie laughed, poking the biker’s side as she led them to her car.

——

“This is fucking embarrassing. I hate cars. I can’t believe I have to ask people to get me to places.” Katya whined when she was forced to get into yet another car this day.

“Do you ever stop whinning?”

“Gasp, Tracy! Training to be the new Regina George, huh?”

“You know Mean Girls?”

“Have you seen my club? Of course I know Mean Girls. Pearl and Adore make me watch it every freaking year. Jesus.”

They both laughed as the good atmosphere set in between them once again, the comfortable silence surrounding them.

After a few minutes, Trixie pulled in the parking lot of the Supermarket, Katya jumped out of the car before the Barbie doll even parked the car properly.

She went to get the shopping cart before leaning against it, driving towards Trixie and almost knocking her over with it. “Sorry, hot stuff.”

“You always have dirty thoughts, don’t you?”

“Without dirty thoughts, there are only dirty dishes, Tracy.” The biker said before jumping into the shopping cart. “Forward to the dangerous place full of horny teenagers and label mothers! For William Wallace!”

“By the power given to me by my mother, please, shut the hell up.”

The biker screeched loudly as Trixie pushed the cart towards the supermarket.

——

Trixie pulled out her long-ass shopping list as soon as they got out, focusing on the things she wanted while Katya jumped around, grabbing the most random things and putting them into the cart with Trixie taking each and every single of them out and placing it back where it belonged.

After five minutes, Katya got a better idea and decided to annoy the other girl differently.

“Hey, cheer up, honey.” The biker called out, waving the jar in front of Trixie’s face who just rolled her eyes at her.

“Hey, Trixie, water are you doing?”

“Oh, Tracy, aren’t you glad you meat me?”

The girl continued her puns, grabbing each item, shoving it in front of the Barbie’s face and being rewarded with either laughter, an 'Oh my god’ or an eye roll.

“Hey, donut be grumpy.”

“Oh, I am on a roll.” She couldn’t stop her laughter as she placed the roll back to the other ones with Trixie laughing as she passed her, shaking her head.

“Hey, Trixie, we make a great pear, don’t you think?”

“Oh my god, are you serious?” The Barbie laughed, trying her best to ignore the other girl while attempting to find all the things on her list.

“Yes, I am very cereal.” She called out with a hand on her heart, trying her best to act dramatic.

“Oh, these puns are so cheesy, aren’t they?” The blonde called out after a while, placing the chesse into the cart with Trixie and some other woman giggling next to her.

“Do you think coming here was a miss stake, Tracy? Are you going nuts?” Waving both of the mentioned things in front of Trixie’s face.

“Stop!” The girl laughed, pushing the cart in front of her while smacking Katya’s shoulder who was giggling and clapping her hands at her own stupid jokes.

[nvualethea6117-blog]

Skin Conditions.

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[skerbango-blog]

My name is Rob, and I’m an alcoholic.

You know, I’ve never said those words aloud to anyone but myself. But they ring true. I’ve told a select number of people that I have a drinking problem, but that’s slightly different.

I’m the 5th of 8 kids raised by strict Mormon parents. To my knowledge, my mom has never drank, smoked, or done anything else. My dad sort of admitted to smoking a joint once in boarding school, and knows how to mix nearly every cocktail in the book, but I’ve certainly never seen him drink.

My first drink was Zima, followed by some Heineken, in the summer of 1995. I was 14 and a regular pot smoker by then. I started smoking pot because one of my older sisters told me it was fun. I drank because one of my older brothers told me it would be fun. There’s a pattern there of wanting my older siblings to like me. Interestingly enough, that specific sister and I speak less than once a year. Not because we don’t get along, but because we are both fiercely independent and probably way more similar than we would ever admit.

That brother and I speak daily. He’s my closest friend and confidant in the world and he has no clue that I’m an alcoholic. Fuck, that’s even weird to type.

Throughout junior and senior high school I was a regular pot smoker. I was also an A+ student, graduated 19th out of a class of 521, scored 1390 on the SAT, was all conference in two sports and all state in one. I smoked pot before every game, every test, every track meet, and most school days.

When I went to college, I had been drunk less than 10 times. Suddenly on my own without siblings I felt a strong urge to be accepted. In high school I was part of the cool crowd without trying because of my success as an athlete and a scholar. In college I was just another smart kid in a school full of them. I started drinking because that’s what the cool kids did.

What I didn’t realize, was that blacking out 5 days a week wasn’t a good thing. I drank more than anyone I knew. It was a competition and I had to win. A 30 pack before a party? Game on. A handle of captain Morgan on a Tuesday? Piece of cake. That’s what all college kids did right?

I graduated in 4 years, somehow. I took the first job offer I got and kept drinking heavily. It was normal. I got my one and only (somehow) DUI in 2005 and 4 hours after my last drink blew a .26 after crashing my company car and driving 3 miles on the rim before a cop saw me. Somehow no one got hurt. There’s more to the story, I’ll tell it another time.

As I got older, I found that I could still drink massive quantities and rarely get hungover. It became a game to me. How much could I drink and not be hungover? I was drinking a case or two of beer and a handle of bourbon weekly. That was normal to me. I was incapable of drinking socially. If I had one drink I was getting fucked up.

I have kids. I drank as much or more after they were born, but found myself hiding drinks. Grab a fresh beer, and take a swig from the handle of bourbon. My wife was regularly baffled by how drunk I was when I only had 5 or 6 beers.

I knew I was heading down a bad path and last year I decided to take 100 days of sobriety to start the year. I thought it would help me get my drinking under control. The first 3 weeks of 2017 were the hardest of my life, but I made it through and past 100 days. I drank socially after that, but kept increasing the number of drinks I had at social gatherings. By the end of the year I was back to sneaking drinks and blacking out.

I started 2018 with 100 days of sobriety. Again. I thought this time when I started drinking again I would ease back into it. My wife left town for a girls trip 10 days after my first drink of the year. I drank 6 strong beers that night.

When I have a drink, the only thing I can think about is how many more will it take to get a buzz. Having a single beer seems like a waste of beer to me. Today, I came to the conclusion that I need to quit drinking forever. I’m 6 beers and a few shots deep, but it’s the right thing to do. For me, for my wife, especially for my kids.

Some day I’ll have to tell them that I’m an alcoholic. I hope I’m sober when that conversation takes place.