#my dad still hasn't paid child support bc he's been homeless
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#made me type something so f in the chat boys i guess#listen i'm doing this one differently bc idk how others are gonna feel about this#my dad died because of bad genes/dna#and because of an Entire life of hard drug abuse#alcohol abuse#and tobacco abuse#my mom leaves my dad and i'm there the exact moment she decides and moves away#(her extremely abusive gf for 12 years later)#my dad still hasn't paid child support bc he's been homeless#my life starts changing again and my dad finds out he has stage 4 cancer.#he had so much hope that he shared with me daily#had a heart attack at a gas station#he spends his last days in hospital and then his sister's house until he dies in said sister's daughter's arms#i'm on my shift at fucking chick fil a because they gave me the most pay and hours in the entire area#getting endless phonecalls#anyway#a few months after it's all said and done#i get a check in the mail#it's enough to clear my debt#all of it#i pay almost everything off but i'm [redacted] to multiply the dollards#but i'm struggling and i feel bad#this is my whole point for this post. i feel bad for spending the money the states gave me for my dad's entire life i guess ???????????????#and i've been collecting plushies and games and consoles (that i lost because of him now that i think about it)#so i guess what i'm trying to say is#do i get to use this money?#there was an oopsie to say the least w the accounts and one of them is minus a couple hundred so it's probably gonna charge me but i keep#spending anyways#i don't know how to feel#the spirits and angels and energies all around in our time are speaking to me daily and i can't hear or see them
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