#my dad is trying to console me but im sick to my fucking stomach right now

[hintzy]

tag rant tw anti native racism

[bb-tings]

guns and roses.

rafe cameron

so it's my first fic on tumblr and i have a lot of hope for this but idk if it will be liked by all. im up for takong requests on anybody in the obx, cast or characters.

taglist: @ampanonyg @macchiatohno @jjsmentalpolaroids @stargazingstarkey @letsgofullkook @jjmbanks @maybanksbaby

BANG

She wished there would have been a warning. Any words that would have prepared her mind and body, as they now shook with uncertainty and fear. People always talked about how loud a gunshot was. Saying that when the trigger was pulled, whether you’ve heard it or not, nothing inside you would doubt what it was. You would know. However, as she stood shaking on the airstrip with her boyfriend, his family and a boy she hadn’t talked to in months, she wished she would have never known what that noise was or where it came from. Within seconds, her entire world had been snatched out from her hold, and she couldn’t be blamed for wanting it back in her arms. Safe and sound, instead of high out of his mind holding a murder weapon.

When y/n walked around the butt of the plane she didn’t know what to expect. She was hoping that maybe it was just a dream. That maybe for a fleeting moment she blinked herself into a different universe. She knew Rafe had issues, knew that he needed help but she liked to believe that he was a good person with a good heart. 

             But all those thoughts disappeared as y/n walked around the plane to see Sheriff Peterkin lying in a puddle of her own blood, simultaneously drenching her respected uniform in the same red substance. John B was kneeling over her with his lucky bandana in his hands over her wound, repeating something under his breath.

    As y/n came further around the plane she began to become noticeable, everyone seeing her but not paying much attention due to the crisis in front of them. Sarah looked up at her brother’s girlfriend, looking just as pale and frightened as the rest of them, with tears in her eyes too. When Rafe picked up on Sarah’s slight movement in her line of sight, he turned his head , being met with the one he loved the most. He was about to say something but he heard the shaking words leave the wounded woman on the concrete and he whipped back towards them and raised the gun just as he saw the Routledge boy reaching for her radio. 

“Hey, Hey,” Ward called out to his eldest child, “Rafe, No! Rafe!”

          Rafe walked closer to the young boy, making sure the barrel of the gun was in front of John’s face. “Don’t try it asshole.”

“Rafe st- John B, give me the radio.” The shaggy haired boy looked between the cameron men and the life hanging in the balance on the ground. “No.”

“Son! Just give me the damn radio,” Ward argued, too calmly. 

    Y/n started to go around the group, slowly realizing who was taking who’s side in the moment. She walked around Ward, getting closer to Sarah and John B’s van, but turned her back towards the girl in order to keep her eyes on the incident, not wanting to be the next victim. By anyone’s hands. When she reached Sarah, who was kneeling over her feet holding her stomach, she slowly put her hands on the girl’s back and brought the blonde to face her. As soon as Sarah felt the hands, she immediately crashed into them. She knew who it was. She had confided in y/n for many different reasons, some things she probably should have used her own sister for, but others that she felt Wheezie was too young to understand. Y/n viewed Sarah as her own sister. Someone that she felt she had to protect and promised to still protect even if things between her and Rafe didn’t work out. She knew that Sarah didn’t have an older female to talk to. Sarah despised her Rose as a stepmom and she knew that even though she loved the raven curly haired girl, Wheezie had a blabber mouth. 

            Y/n wrapped her arms around Sarah’s shoulders as her waist was squeezed, and she placed her hand on her head, kissing the top of it in the process. 

“Rafe. Rafe, calm down. Put the gun down, Rafe, put the gun down. He can’t do anything.” 

           Ward tried to calm his hot head son as he showed him the radio in his hand. 

“He can’t do anything. See, it’s ok. It’s ok, I got you, I got you.” 

    Y/n was sure that was the first time she had ever heard Ward comfort her boyfriend in all 3 years they had been together. She knew that Rafe and his dad had a rocky relationship, for she was always picking up the pieces that Ward had left shattered on the floor of his house. She was brought out of the thought as Sarah started to move in her arms. The younger Cameron, had turned around and was looking at the guy she loved and the people she once called family.  The wounded sheriff was looking at John B with wide eyes and was using the little breath she had left and was telling him to run. To save himself before it was too late. John B said one more apology while standing up, finally letting go of his once savior’s hand. He started to back up.

“Where are you goin’? Huh?” Rafe yelled. 

           As John’s back came in contact with Sarah she pushed him gently to her right, between the nose of the plane and his van. “Run,” the young girl stated. 

Rafe charged towards the pogue, as his dad, Sarah and Y/n leaped forward to fight him off. 

“No!” Sarah yelled. “No!”

Y/n lost all thought as she jumped in front of Rafe as he got loose from Ward and Sarah’s hold on him. She stuck her head in his neck and pushed with her hands on his chest with all her might, but the 19 year old didn’t budge. When Rafe pulled the trigger aiming at the runaway teen, she started to sob and push harder. 

“RAFE PLEASE,” the young girl cried. “Just stop!”

Rafe pushed the crying girl out of his way, but was then met with his father’s arms going around him from behind. “Rafe! No, please!”

    Y/n looked away from the two not being able to watch Rafe self destruct anymore and watched as Sarah knelt down next to the older woman as she held onto her life. Y/n joined her on the other side of the dying woman. “I’m so sorry.

Y/n thought her head was spinning. She didn’t know up from down. How did she get here? How did she get from being with her sweet loving boyfriend to this moment where she was a witness to a crime? A murder, commited by Rafe. A boy that she thought she knew everything about and cared for so much. But now as she watched him drag his little sister to the truck she didn’t recognize not one hair on his head, This wasn’t the rafe that she knew and loved. Or maybe this was him. Maybe this was the new Rafe that couldn’t go a day without snorting cocaine up his nose. Maybe she didn’t know Rafe anymore, maybe she had finally lost him.

    Y/n was pulled away from her thoughts by someone’s arms on her shoulder. She turned her head to meet Ward’s glare. Y/n never liked the man, but now as he was trying to cover up his son’s wrong doings she wished she never even stepped foot in his house. 

“GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME WARD!” She spat. “I can walk by myself.” Y/N started walking to the truck watching as her boyfriend, high out of his mind and losing it faster than anyone could expect, ran to the driver’s side and jumped in. 

She made eye contact with Sarah through the glass window and gave her a small nod, trying to tell the young blonde that everything was going to be ok. She wasn’t sure if she needed to convince the 16 year old or herself more but she figured they could both use the reassurance. She slowly climbed into the backseat and thought back to all the memories that her and Rafe had made in that truck. From their first kiss in the front seats to their third or fourth time in the backseat. She remembered when he surprised her with a picnic date on the bed of the truck. He had set up a mattress and blankets in the bed of the truck and had a cooler full of drinks, some more legal than others. He had parked the truck in a big field in front of two trees, tied a white sheet between them and brought a mini projector. They watched all types of movies from Disney to Nicholas sparks. It was her favorite memory of them together. But as she watched Rafe drive form the backseat, shaking and glancing around nervously, she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to make another memory with him again. She didn’t recognize him, she didn’t understand what had happened within a few months time, but she knew that she had witnessed the boy she once loved turn into something that she wasn’t sure she could even look at, let alone kiss again. The thought made the girl sick to her stomach. 

“Rafe, I’m gonna be sick.”

          The boy looked back at his girlfriend as he was slowly coming down from his high. He felt bad for her, but didn’t want to pull over scared that Sarah would try to escape again.

“You’re fine, Y/n, ok? Just hang on until we get to the house, ok baby?” He tried to reach back and grab the girls hand but when she felt him touching her she swatted it. 

“Rafe pull over.”

He looked at her through the mirror, glancing back and forth between the gravel and his girlfriend in the backseat. He was starting to get agitated with her. “Y/n I’m not fucking pulling over right now. You can wait until we get to the ho-” 

“RAFE! I swear to god if you don’t fucking pull this vehicle over right now, I’m going to puke all over your console. Now pull the fuck over and let me out of this GODDAMN truck.” Rafe quickly swerved off the road and put the black truck in park.

    Lighting fast, y/n opened the door and jumped out before emptying her stomach in the grass. As she stood there trying to get rid of everything inside of her, including the mental images she probably won’t ever forget, she started to silently pray. Pray for a new day, a new life or a different life. But as time started to come back to her and she heard cars passing on the main road, she realised all she really wanted was a couple of seconds. A couple seconds to herself where she could divide her thoughts from reality and could figure out what she just witnessed. So instead she prayed for more time. 

[th3okamid3monart]

Things I’m going to miss this Holidays

There are a couple of traditions we do in my family that I havent seen in other places and with one search on the internet I realize that most of the things we do are from my own country + some that we make up ourselves. 

So Im going to share them here because... Well, there’s a big-ass chance I wont be able to do them this Christmas nor New years. 

NOTE: When I say ‘my family’ in a lot of this, I mean ALL my family. Which means, all my grandparents, all my aunts, all my uncles, all my cousins, and, yes, EVEN my great grandaparents, cousins, uncles, aunts and more. Because we all know each other and we even make a party once a year for my dad’s side of the family 

Here I go:

Las Posadas

There’s this thing that we do at one of my grandparents’ house that involves singing a carol about the time Maria and Jose were looking for a place to stay to rest before travel far away for the birth of Jesus. It is a song which is singed by 2 groups, one that is inside and the other that’s outside. What we do is the following: One group goes inside a room in the house while the other stays outside the door, the group outside sings one part and the other sings the other. We go back and forward until we finish the song. It is pretty funny because no one sings well and its just like a bunch of grown ups practically screaming but we always end up chuckling. I used to think it was pointless and boring but that was because I was an edgy potato, after I enter University i began to enjoy more things and be happier. This is going to be the second time I wont be with my complete family for Christmas and now its all the family who wont be able to go to my grandparents house for a celebration. 

12 grapes, 12 wishes

In both sides of my family we usually fill up 12 grapes in a cup and give everyone 1 cup each. I dont remember what exactly the grapes meant or the story about the wishes but it’s supposedly like before it strikes 12 am on New Years, we have to eat our grapes while also wishing for something. I remember when I was younger I’d wish for peace on the world or that everything went well for everyone. I think I’m going to buy a bigger bag of grapes this year. 

Something that was funny was that everyone would just... Stuff their mouths with grapes, mostly my cousins and I, just to see how many we could fit. Not everyone wished for many things in the family because I think we all feel we had and have enough. If my family does this again on their own, I’m pretty certain their wishes would be to be able to meet with the family. 

Piñata

Every year since I was little, my grandparents buy a piñata to smash before or during Christmas. They find it such a good activity for cousins and even for my aunts, my mom and uncle. They literally havent stopped buying them, the oldest grandchild in that side of the family its in her 30s, but they still buy a piñata. I think its mostly for the youngest which are below 16, never the less, its still super funny and hilarious because we go from youngest to oldest. By the time it gets to my brother, its still intact, he only swings it once and its completely DESTROYED. We just have a lot of fun, and sometimes we make my mom or my aunts to hit it. My mom wasnt as cheery when I was a kid, but now she laughs more and when it comes to the piñata she laughs and enjoys her time even more. 

Games 

Like any gathering, all cousins bring up something we can do to entertain ourselves. At first they were toys my grandparents had for us, then it was videogames and now... Its board games. My bro is the one obsess with different boardgames and DnD and other card games. So, about 5 years ago he began bringing boardgames for all cousins to play along. We either talk with each other or try to destroy each other with any game there is. Videogames are fun but we all find it a drag to bring the console to the place, besides we usually get so busy with each others banter and weird conversations that we just forget about the videogames all together. 

At my other grandparents house it becomes W I L D. Last time someone brough a beer pong table and they all began to take shots with mezcal (I’m trying to not drink a lot of the time ever since I puked one time. If I drink its light things like wine and only one glass). Then my aunts play music and began to sing and everyone follows up, and... Well last time they began to dance.... And all my cousins were very embarassed and I was hella confused. Suffice to say, my dad’s side of the family are super freakishly energetic and wild, while my mom’s side is more of a geeky, nerdy vibe with a lot of meme stuff and political conversations at times (Oh yeah, we talk a lot of different political stuff, but guess what? It never derails into a fight. I note this due to always reading people’s talks ending with fights and stuff and that kinda weirds me out a bit at times) 

Dinners 

I don’t remember the time exactly, probably since I was 15 maybe, my dad and I turned into the designated ‘chefs’. Every year we’ve been deciding and preparing foods for each house. We make the main course while my aunts do the sides (although sometimes it becomes like 3 main courses with 2 sides). Im waaaaaaaaay into the cooking and I try to make it perfect each year. I kinda chillaxed a bit with some foods because it wasnt that big of a deal. Besides the main course, I also decide to make a dessert and sometimes they arent eaten because my families have some sugar regulations. They are stored and kept after Christmas because thats better than eating it all in one sitting and having sugar poisoning (AKA, high sugar that needs a fast Insuline injection afterwards). 

It is always fun to make food with my dad, and to make the famous Tamales from my grandma’s recipe. Last time i think we made around 400? Between green salsa chicken, red salsa beef and pork, and some that were like... its like an adobe, its with achiote and orange juice. It was very tasty. We usually make a lot and freeze them. THEY ARENT COOKED, they are raw and then frozen. Every time we take some out, we make them with vapor, takes around 2 hours and they are always tasty. I remember I made a batch all by myself, I made the feelings, I mixed the masa, and I assemble 100 by my own, the rest was thankfully made by my parents. And it was the best when I gave some to my grandma and she told me that they were super good. Of course, I made a couple mistakes, Im not perfect but she still enjoyed it with the salsa I made. Maybe I can still make some this year and give each family a batch. 

Aunt’s cookies

Every year, every god damn year... We all wait for one thing... It’s not the presents, its not the food... Its the cookies. The motherfucking cookies. My aunt has made this cookies since I was a kid, and we all fought to get a bunch of them. She has made choco chip with nuts cookies every year without missing. And they always end before Christmas even hits. She once gave me frozen batch so I can cook them at home and she told me ‘Dont tell anybody’. Of course I cannot not tell anyone since I live with my parents and siblings but when I made them I made sure to make them when my dad wasnt home. Not only because Im a gluttonous fuck but because my dad is diabetic and he shouldnt be eating anything like that. 

It used to be a battle royal between my cousins, now its a battle against my uncles cause they LOVE TO FUCKING HIDE THE BIG ASS CONTAINER. I swear, i only got 1 or 2 god damn cookies last time. 

Breakfast at...Lunch at...

After Christmas, we always go eat at my grandparents house. Always. And it’s, most of the time, Menudo. The most delicious food you can make with cow stomach. It’s my grandpa’s recipe and it’s always good. Meanwhile, we lunch at my grandma’s house the leftovers of yesterdays dinner which it varies if its turkey or pork but it always ends up as a torta. Delicious, leftover, tortas. 

We end up... SUPER CONSTIPATED because you eat menudo with bread, and you make tortas with bread, and we all eat bread and like... A LOT. Its hella good but well... THERE ARE CONCEQUENCES!! 

I think thats all, at least the most relevant parts. There’s also The Toast of El Bohemio, the stupidity and over eating i do for fun for some cousins, the conversations that go from super deep to stupidity with cousins, the music we play, the hugs... 

THE HUGS

When its the New Year, we scream out HAPPY NEW YEAR. And we proceed to hug each and everyone, one time I waited to see everyone and they all were very very happy. Its something I didnt realize before, but that was a happy thing all the time. Last year we event celebrated with other family, most of this reunions are compose with the nuclear family, but we arent shy about involving more family or friends. So last year not only included some family and their friends, we also included a 2 new members of the family: My newborn cousin and my cousin’s now husband. 

It was like.. One of the best beginnings... Which kind of... didnt prepared us for what this...sucky year. 

I’m sure we’ll make it ok... I sure hope so, I wanna see my grandparents again... I wanna see my baby cousin, he is babbling and has already learned to walk. The little dude doesnt have cousins to play with anymore, I wanna make sure he doesnt confuse me by his aunt ajjajajaja. I want to talk to my cousins, I want to hug them and scream with them and eat with them all. 

But maybe this year it wont happen, and I rather it not happening than loosing any of them. 

Right now I cant smell, and everything hurts, but it kinda helps ease things when i remember this and when I think they all are still kinda healthy. 

Maybe when it all passes we can make a march reunion, to celebrate my grandma’s birthday. In the meantime, I’m going to try to get better and wish for this Christmas to not suck now that It’s only my main family and I. 

Hope everyone is safe, I hope you can at least see your parents or siblings. I hope you dont get sick nor have to spend time at a hospital or anything. I hope all who are, get help and dont get worse. I hope you all get better. 

Hope you have Happy Holidays. 

[thefleshmustgrow]

under readmore bc this shit gets rly fucking weird after a while srsly warning if ur gonna read this bc i feel sick from the dream

claps hand right so fucking

im skipping past the parts that dont make sense bc it dont rly turn into any kind of story till here ok so like i was in the car with my dad n sister and brother and i wasnt feeling well bc awake me had heart burn ig

we stop for somthing to eat at this place thats like a combo dairy queen, tim hortons, some fish fast food place and taco bell. also i can turn into a fukin goldfish for some reason so i do that.

theres this dude on tv but the tv is like a 2 way comune device. hes the owner of the worlds largest fish farming biusnes and owns the fish shop were eating in and he sees the goldfish and goes m lets cook that and i tell him to fuck off

so hes like whatttt a talking goldfish lets get some scientests on that and i turn back into me and use my deadname for some reasno ig in the dream im not out publicly either

and i tell him to fuck off and its this big thing he gets rly pissed and he tries to tell me i have to give him three compliments a day if i want to still use anything he owns and im like no 3 a week at max and hes like ok and also he wants to meet me for some reason

and this is were the stuff starts to get, weird.

so i jump thru a portal of some kind and it takes me to this tropicalish wetlands reiver were im meeting him. at thius point i reveal i can just shapeshift in general so like ok cool whatever.

some irelevent dream stuff happens and im partially in the water and theres these giant fish and someone goes oh no pirahnahs and im like no, piranahs r small and reltivly harmless to living creatures actually.

but like these weird fish r still there so its like ok, then the dude is there and aparenlty industrialism has goten wildlife fucked up and its a big secret. but suposedly thats also how i can shapeshift i tell him. at this point ive turnd one of my arms into a long alien tentical and i have tenticales sticking out from under the dress im wearing.

so its this big thing. and uh, lil time skip here more dream stuff that dosnt translate to awakeness.

so at this poijnt its kind of revealed that the end of the world is coming from higher forces. this dudes wife desends like and angel and shes holding this rly fleshy blobby constantly shifting baby that also has a halo made of flesh. she tells me their name is angel and the world would have already been ended if angel didnt come to like the world and decide not to.

so now angel is the only thing that can stop whats coming. its all baby themed for some reason. theres this didy as the dreams changes perspective to show the armies coming that goes like “we must fix it from the startt!”

everythings super body horrory at this point to anyway his wife tells me abt his daugter aparently angel has been watching over her for a long time and thats why angel dosnt wana doomsday stuff..

and so aparntly the daughter likes to eat in bed at night and thats cool but ig some of the doomsday babies came down and stated force feeding her and she nearly died. and idont want to describe it bc it was in incredibly sigurbing detail involing a tube and shit anyway so angel comes in later to find this out and angel is rly upset

so angel tells her mom and there out to stop this doomsday stuff.

again i wnaa remind u this is all super body horrory, fleshy, creepy stuff.

umm skip more stuff and im not prespective on me anymore. theres some confusing stuff here of exatly WHAT is being done but ppl r in a spaceship and like the rest of the universe has been corupted, the effect of witch is gliter. but the hero group has managed to scrounge what they need to save everything witch is like some kind of save file they have to find.

cue one of the ppl on bord mentining glitter. hes been infected. the infection spreads rapidly thru the ship till one person remains who has to jump onto this device and start searching for the save file on a shrunken down earth.

they find it. but this dude whos like a rectangle gets hungry and eats it. so our protag has to, jump thr the screen and go INSIDE this dude all shruinks down.

and its all like machinary themed but still fleshy in there and he jumps into this elevator going into the stomache and this flesh dude pulls him out bc ig thats part of the imune system and hes like hey u cant do that yank.

but going down there is the only way to get the save file so our protag tries again. cant rly explain to this imune system dude tho so the imune system dude thinks hes trying to comit susicde and is trying to console him on the conveyer belt. and describing whatl happen if he does go down there. protag dosnt care hes saving reality hes doing what he must.

imune system dude gets crushed in the converyer as some rly sad music plays and the protag reaches the end of the convery. and thats kinda were i woke up.

i can only describe this so well bc im mostly getting it off my mind bc like i said this was all incredibly disturbing and i feel a little sick from it all.