#my copy also got a bug with that and mixed it up with the S-ending instead.... unless it didnt

[gu6chan]

if i just put in a few weeks of hard work................................................. i know i can get onaplus s-route COMPLETELY translated by the time october's finished....................................................... Then I can have November, the longest month, to do the N-Route 👀 my goal is to have it COMPLETELY translated by the time the year ends, and while there's still plenty of time left, i hate the fact i slept on it for like 3-4 days straight 😭 i'm so close!!!!

[cyclesprefectpress]

[image description: a proof of a font of handset type for letterpress printing, displaying every letter, symbol, and special character in the font. it's called "Sixteenth Century Roman," 24 pt., and is a rough-edged serif font with a deliberately worn look. end description.]

hello hello i am return from a deep dive into several reference materials that assumed a little bit more knowledge about how Medieval Latin works than i actually have, but, it was all exTREMEly inch resting to me. i am absolutely not a historian but here we are, a speedrun of my pinballing around trying to ensure that I know what the fuck im storing in my type corridor:

so 16th Cent. Roman, i already knew, was a font Paul Duensing designed based on this incomplete set of old Italian punches he acquired (punches, the first step of old school typecasting, where you carve the relief letter shape into the end of a stick of steel, and you uuuh punch that into the copper matrix, which is then the negative mould-shape you use to cast multiple copies of the lead sorts with hot metal; surviving punches are precious artifacts not the least because they are. they’re hand-carved!! often by the type designer themselves. historical and also wildly cool craftsmanship). these punches were all beat up and probably water damaged, fucky and rough-edged, so he re-did and filled in the gaps in the alphabet with similarly styled letters of his own. very cool. an extremely nerdy lil passion project of a typecaster in the 1960s, very typical of type people. we all find a Thing to obsess over, and sometimes it's reviving an incomplete set of punches from the 1500s that you found in, idk, it's usually a bucket in somebody's basement.

anyway it's got a bunch of ligatures and the long s, sure sure sure, but WHAT are all these gibberish characters with tildas and lines thru the stems of ps and qs and such—

Duensing's full font is in Mac McGrew's specimen book, great, i have that, except McGrew's book has complete proofs and a little bit of history for each font but doesn't always cover what each symbol in a unique alphabet is for, and i knew just enough about Latin to guess that they were abbreviations but not what each of them stood for. a little bit of searching got me this far, which is to say, "Abbreviation in Medieval Latin Paleography," a translation of an Italian essay on the subject from 1929. It is prefaced by the translators with gems like: "Take a foreign language, write it in an unfamiliar script, abbreviating every third word, and you have the compound puzzle that is the medieval Latin manuscript." Scribes writing in medieval Latin just tossed out letters they didn't care to deal with, constantly, and had stand-in special characters and abbreviations for syllables/words/particles and there were intuitive rules but way too many variations in time and place and person to make a reasonably-sized, static lexicon. amazing. hope all u paleographers are having fun over there.

the essay has a great big glossary of truncations and abbreviations and so on which clearly cover most of the figures in Duensing's font:

[image description: screenshots of the essay, with various symbols and the Latin syllables they abbreviated. an m with a bar over it, ex., stood in for men or mun. end description.]

ok! BUT this q with a little swoop off the end kept bugging me!! for all these dead-use symbols this essay is using handwritten samples, obviously, and there's clearly variation in execution and also typographers take liberties, and i just thought, sure my piece of type looks a lot like the quod here but it does link the staff to the swoop where the handwritten sample doesn't, and it could just as well be a fanciful ligature for qn which apparently can stand in for quando, and i have no idea which is a more common-use syllable likely to be cast in the font if you're only going to pick your top 14, and i just like to be sure about things.

SO. i went to double-check with Johnson’s Typographia. Johnson made like a thousand pages of printing manuals set in tiny tiny type in the 1820s which are rad as hell and tell you all sorts of things about how to run a shop and build your own press and cast type and going rates for work and employment and also, the alphabets/type case layout for whatever language or symbol set you might have to set type in, when handsetting type was mostly the only way to get stuff printed—English, Arabic, Chinese, Hebrew, musical notation, astronomical signs, aaaand it’s got a section for "Marks & characters used in the Domesday Book & other ancient records.”

[image description: a photo of a page of the manual, with similar but not always identical symbols for abbreviated use. many of these abbreviations are described as "a Domesday contraction." end description.]

and WHAT is a Domesday contraction, WELL, it's a contraction specifically from/prevalent in the Domesday book, a deeply boring and historically important tome about property distribution in England. It’s literally a survey. who owned what, in 1086. presumably mind-numbing. enormous, handwritten in Medieval Latin, EXTREMELY cool, go look at some images of it at least, very important to historians, economists, linguists, and a complete pain in the ass to set in type when that technology became available, having to cast any significant proportion of these variant characters in an alphabet. Johnson says, (in 1824) “It is an improvement of latter years only*, to have type cast to resemble the abbreviations used in the more ancient manuscripts; they being formerly rudely imitated, either from a common fount, or else were cut in wood for the purposes of any particular work.” wow that sucks. but in 1773 the government really wanted to be able to reproduce the Domesday Book in type, so a couple people tried to cut a set of punches for Domesday abbreviations and Joseph Jackson got it done and it only took 10 years to print an edited version of the manuscript. and then apparently all the type was destroyed in a fire in 1808. WOW that sucks.

but the point is, Johnson has a great big glossary of characters as they were translated into type in the making of the printed Domesday Book, and the Domesday punches were used or refrenced in the printing of other medieval latin works, which consequences a degree of standardization in the abbreviations used in those versions of the text that handwritten manuscripts never had or needed.

notably the Domesday quod looks even more different from my piece of type here which was pretty annoying, so what are the chances this thing is a quando, and anyway that's when my sister texted me back with better computer skills and a different search engine and found me a perfect match on the first try. it’s a quod. this National Diet Library digital exhibition has several different sample fonts, both black letter and roman, with quite consistent letter forms, if not choices about which abbreviations to bother casting.

*I don’t……exactly know what he means by this, since Gutenberg and contemporaries absolutely did cast many Medieval Latin abbreviations for their fonts nearly 400 years before this. His dismissal of “from a common fount” might be fair, since i think what he means by it is that you’d have a generic set of abbreviation characters which you would have to use in conjunction with whatever font was the main body of your text, and it’s messy to mix things that weren’t designed specifically to match. he may just mean that it’s new for his contemporary foundries to be casting all these expanded alphabets of abbreviations; Gutenberg didn’t have foundries to buy from and made his own type. he could include as many characters as he had the patience for. maybe Johnson is just a guy from the 1800s that didn’t have the internet and i shouldn’t jump down his throat for not knowing something. idk!! i have homework.

anyway that was my Friday!! feel free to correct me and/or suggest further reading if early typecasting is your Thing or. again. you just have better googling than me.

[miraculouscontent]

Season 4 asks:

Anonymous said:

Thoughts on Zoe? At first I thought Zoe looked a little like Sabrina mixed with Mairinette's features. Little confused with her superhero name Vesperia (evening star) until I found out there's a flower called Evening Star. Also the flower on her shirt looks like one.

I’ve gotten constantly confused because I keep thinking of my friend Zoe. I hate it.

I want to see her because I like sweet characters (I mean, you guys know how much I adore Luka), but I don’t want her to be a “dumb blonde” like Rose and I don’t want her to be yet another tool to be like, “see Marinette why can’t you--”

Anonymous said:

Ignoring the crazy circus palooza that's going on in the first few episodes, part of me is glad we'll see the rest of the miraculous holders. Judging by the silhouettes, it's obvious on which character is which like the pig, ox, and tiger but I can't figure the goat, rooster, and dog. Wish we had a clearer image and wonder if some of the super hero names will stay or change for localization. What's your guess on the names if they change it?

I don’t have any particular guesses, though apparently Mylene will keep the title of Multimouse which--I hope that’s an error. Mylene already has barely an identity and I don’t want her copying off Marinette’s.

Anonymous said:

Noticing the pic with all 19 miraculous holders It looks like they're in their final battle pose after their transformation sequence. I hope we get to see all of them including Ryuuko's. I didn't like that she's got Mike Wasowski ed by Ladybug. Having all the holders in one pic would make s cool wallpaper. Then again I noticed how every show with magical transformation there's always one character that is skipped.

Yeah, Rena kinda gets the shaft too, but considering Carapace is on the board, we know that Rena’s probably there too.

Anonymous said:

So, getting really nervous seeing Zoe along with the S4 Ep1 teaser. She has the similarities you mentioned from the shoes, the colors, the hair dyes, and now the hats. The question now is, if they end up seeing each other what now? I know it's too soon to make conclusions but I don't like what the creators are doing, messing around with their audience where its painfully obvious.

I’m so confused because it’s like--if she dates Luka in the end, it’s super obvious, but if she doesn’t, then why give them so many similarities?

Anonymous said:

im hoping all the kwamis will appear again in the show, like, just chilling. and i want to see what Marinette did to hide the box, cus she *definitely* would make some complicated contraption after her diary

Judging from the one trailer, it seems like the box was quickly put together instead of being like her diary box.

Which is a shame, because imagine Marinette coming home to Su-Han with his hand stuck in her contraption instead.

Anonymous said:

ANOTHER Chloe akuma?? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Meanwhile, Nino, off in the corner, starved for screen time.

Anonymous said:

How does a studio air episode six before episode one

Poor management? Lack of planning? Take your pick! There are so many possibilities!

Anonymous said:

After seeing S4 teaser trailer, I question the purpose of the drama and angst. It feels out of place at times and I have a hard time grasping why Marinette needs to distance herself besides the reason of being superhero/guardian. Yea there's certain scenarios like Chloe's betrayal, Master Fu's loosing his memory, or Chat Blanc that can lead her to "I must do it alone" thing. But at the same time we already seen characters telling Marinette that she's not alone and she can rely on them for help. She should have at least some sense. We already seen this "do it alone" trope.

It’s absolutely out of place. As far as we know, being guardian shouldn’t add tons of responsibility to Marinette; we’ve never seen any rituals that she has to follow. She doesn’t even have to go meet with Fu anymore for already-limited training.

There’s Shadow Moth, yes, but is Chat Noir going to struggle too then? Speaking of which, I imagine Chat might also bug her about identities, but who knows at this point.

It really is just one big thing for angst purposes and nothing more. Anything to make Marinette suffer.

[littleeyesofpallas]

Bleach - Name Games

Not a family by name or blood, but a kind of found family. (at least the way they were originally presented)  This time I’m tackling the Visored! And while I’m at it I want to address some of the broader thematic elements going on with their original character designs.  Buckle up, this is a long one... 

Hirako(平���) Shinji(真子)

Shinji’s name is actually kinda of a false start to this one.  His names read as “Flat-Child“ and “Real-Child“ but that’s keeping in mind that -ko(子) for “child” is actually just a really common suffix for names, and not one generally used to ascribe literal meaning.  (Typically because of its diminutive implications it denotes a female given name, but it applies neutrally to family names, and even generally is not uncommon in male names.)  So his name kind reads as “Flat Reality“ or “Flat Truth.“

But this one isn’t actually about the meaning of the words, it’s a different kind of name game.  As we all remember, when Hirako introduces himself to Ichigo’s class at Karakura High during his original entrance at the start of the Arrancar Arc, he writes his name on the board mirrored and mentions how he’s “good at doing things backwards.”  At the time it was a reference to him being a hollow (Remember that when Ichigo’s inner hollow was given a chapter cover, his “name” was Ichigo’s but written mirrored) and would later influence his zanpakutou, Sakanade(逆撫)

As an aside here, Sakanade(逆撫) has been kind of erroneously translated as “counter stroke” in English, which is technically accurate as a literal translation but is kind of needlessly vague; For one the word “Stroke” here specifically refers to the act of stroking as in petting, patting, or smoothing over, and not something like a sword stroke; secondly the “counter” here should read more obviously as “reverse,” “opposite,” or “inverted.”

Moreover, Sakanade(逆撫で) is an actual verb already, so it doesn’t actually need to be broken down in the first place.  The word actually means exactly what it sounds like as well as having a colloquial use as, “rub the wrong way.”  Yes, other than just meaning to literally “pet in the opposite direction” (as with petting a cat or dog from tail to head) it means “to irritate” or “to annoy,” (which the former action invariably does) and that is an apt description of Sakanade’s powers.

Anyway...  About Hirako’s name not being about the meaning: the joke is that whether you write the name forward or backwards 平子真子 -vs-  子真子平, you still get Shinji(真子) out of it.  As in, his name is still legible both forwards and backwards.  Plus both kanji, 平 and 真 have horizontal symmetry, so they don’t change when mirrored..

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Okay... let’s do an easier one...

Sarugaki(猿柿) Hiyori(ひよ里)

My personal favorite Visored, has a nice straight forward name Saru(猿) as I’m sure anyone amply familiar with anime knows means “Monkey” and the Gaki(柿) is the word for the fruit “Persimmon.”  The image of a monkey in a persimmon tree references an old folktale present in various east-asian cultures about a greedy monkey who cheats other animals before eventually receiving its comeuppance at the hands of the animals it has wronged.  In this case it’s reflective of Hiyori’s general image, sandles, track suit, decidedly tomboyish and unladylike; the “mountain monkey” is a poor, rural character type in Japan, not dissimilar to the American hillbilly of the Appalachia.

In that same vein, the name Hiyori(ひよ里) has a peculiar rural slant to it, in that it uses hiragana in place of the first component.  The ri(里) is a common place indicator in surnames meaning “village” or “hamlet” but like many Japanese surnames that reference landmarks like -kawa(川)“-river,” “-yama”(山)-mountain,” and “-da”(田)”-field,” the important part isn’t actually the locale but the descriptor preceding it; Which mountain?  Which river?  Which field?  Which village?  In the case of Hiyori, it’s not clear...  The fact that the village she appears to be named after doesn’t have a kanji again lends to this impression that, like the peasants of Soul Society’s Rukongai, the person who named her didn’t know how to read or write kanji.

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Muguruma(六車) Kensei(拳西)

I think this one has gotten pretty good visibility in the fandom already because of the relation with Hisagi Shuuhei.  The eventual explanation of Hisagi’s 69 tattoo would be that it was copied directly from Kensei’s, and that Kensei’s comes from a mix of his name Muguruma, and the fact that he was captain of the Gotei 13’s 9th squad. (Personally I don’t like this explanation, and I think there’s pretty reasonable cause to assume this was a later decision and not a part of Kensei’s original conception or design.)  But the reason behind that being Muguruma(六車) Mu(六) which is the Japanese numeral “6″ and Guruma(車) meaning “wagon” and later updated to mean “car.”  In the Turn Back the Pendulum sidestory, this name is played upon in how Kubo styled Kensei’s 9th squad as a Bousouzoku(暴走族) the term for a Japanese biker gang (although they often include sports cars), where the “Six Car” reading becomes emblematic of his gang.

There’s a lot about the Bousouzoku that is culturally specific to Japan, but much of the familiar American cliches do actually carry over.  One distinct aspect of how the Bousouzoku opperate however, is that they are predominantly a youth culture phenomenon, as any wide spread, organized criminal activity among adults quickly steps on the toes of the much better established Yakuza scene.  For this reason it is very rare for Bousouzoku to persist in direct group activity into their adult years, although often bikers become easy recruitment targets for Yakuza.

Kensei(拳西) is actually an odd one for me.  It’s both super straight forward yet somehow together really obtuse.  Ken(拳) for “Fist” and sei(西) for “West;“ both are pretty singular in their meaning, so it’s not like there’s any uncertainty to what each one means, but I can’t make heads or tails of the two together.  For one,  Ken(拳) is usually something you’d see put on the end of a compound, and when it’s used that way it tends to denote a kind of martial arts style or technique.  It might still be meant to read as “Western Fist” or essentially “Western [style] Fist” and Kubo just liked the sound of Kensei over Seiken.  It might be a reference to the fact that Kensei’s original design was largely reminiscent of a kind of military look and feel, with a combat knife for a zanpakutou, short hair, combat boots, and pants that look like they could be part of military fatigues. (the tank top sorta throws the look off, though.)  But this was a theme that was dropped by the time the Visored got reincorporated into the story after their long absence.

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Yadoumaru(矢胴丸) Risa(リサ)

...is another odd one.  Her surname, Yadoumaru(矢胴丸)  has pretty clear implications, Ya(矢) means “arrow” and dou(胴) means “hull” as in the part of a ship, and maru(丸) doesn’t actually have an explicit meaning.  The kanji does generally mean “round” or “whole” both in reference to a circle, but it is most notably a suffix used in naming both naval ships, and frequently boys.  Given the rest of the name the imagery seems clear, Yadoumaru(矢胴丸) is meant to read as “Arrow-Hull Ship.“*  And although the uniform has heavy ties to school girl aesthetics and fetishism (which in turn link to her preoccupation with adult books) the tie here actually seems to be to the origins of the Japanese school girl uniform as a modification of the European naval uniforms introduced to Japan in the 1800s.

*edit: I’m an idiot.  A Yadou(胴丸) is the sleeveless chest plate and skirt piece in traditional samurai armor, which also carries over into kendo sports armor.

Adding to this, the name RISA (sometimes romanized as LISA) being written in katakana and not kanji or even hiragana works together with the naval associations would seem to imply she’s of mixed birth?  Possibly the daughter of a foreign naval officer stationed in Japan, hence a Western name and a ship as a surname?  In fact, most Japanese ships would be named after some mythical figure or indeed named like a person, so the literal descriptor of “Arrow-hull” actually sounds like what someone would call a ship they didn’t know the name of, tacking “-maru” on to the end.

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Let me also take a moment here to complain about the fact that Kubo originally wrote Rabu(ラヴ) and Roozu(ローズ) as katakana, pretty clearly denoting them as the English words LOVE and ROSE and while those seem pretty implicitly like nicknames it also implied in conjunction with their designs that they were both foreigners.  So the fact that he retconned them to being nicknames based on more conventionally Japanese when he decided to make them previously SoulSociety shinigami names bugs me...  But that being said

Aikawa(愛川) Rabu(羅武)

Man, what is it with Kubo and black people and “love” gimmicks?  Zomarri’s Amor, and PePe’s The Love, Love’s whole thing...  The name Aikawa(愛川) means “Love River,” and Kubo’s clever shorehorning of kanji into the phonetics for Rabu that he’d already used for the nickname Love use  Ra(羅) for “silk,” but specifically a thin or sheer kind, and bu(武) for “warrior”/”soldier.“  The associations with sheer silk and negligee seem very intentional, so his name really is basically “flowing love, [sexy] silk soldier.“  And that’s it, it’s actually super straight forward.  I dunno why he looks like an unemployed slacker, in a tracksuit and sneakers, lounging around reading manga, though.

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Otouribashi(鳳橋) Roujuurou(楼十郎)

This might be my favorite as far as name games within the Visored.  The given name Roujuurou(楼十郎) means “Watchertower 10 Son;” Rou(郎) being an exceedingly common suffix in boys names meaning “son.” (this is incidentally how anyone with a rudimentary familiarity with Japanese knew for certain Yuushirou(四楓院) was a boy at first glance, where as a bunch of other people thought he was a girl.  In case any of you were around certain fandom circles for that whole drama...  More on him later though, because he’s got a fun name too.)  It’s not super clear if the arrangement here denotes the “Son of the 10th Watchtower [family],” or the “10th Son of the Watchtower [family].”

The surname Otouribashi(鳳橋) is a great little work of poeticism, where Outouri(鳳) is the Japanese name of the Chinese Feng(鳳) which in the most colloquial sense could be translated as “Phoenix,” but there’s a little more to it than that...

See, the Feng is itself the male half of the mated pair of mythical birds together called the Feng-Huang(鳳凰).  The Japanese pronunciation Outori is actually directly taken from Ou(王) meaning “King” and Tori(鳥) meaning “bird.”  The mythical Feng-huang is in fact king of birds, but more broadly represents a union of yin and yang, and is a common visual element of Chinese weddings evoking harmony.  As a part of this theme of unity it is said to share features of many different birds, and also of the 5 fundamentally opposed colors associated with Chinese daoism and fengshui: Red, Blue/Green, Black, White, and Yellow.  This particular feature has been tweaked over time to depict the Feng-huang as more broadly multicolored, and associated with the rainbow.  (it’s also the basis of the Pokemon Ho-oh, if that wasn’t apparent)  For a number of different mythological similarities, the Feng-huang have become erroneously thought of as “the Chinese phoenix,” but I’m not going to get into all that here...

So, getting back to the name, Bashi(橋) means “Bridge.”  The, again false equivalence based, but more easily understood translation of Otouribashi(鳳橋) thus being “Phoenix Bridge.”  But what is shaped like a bridge and directly associated with the Feng?  A rainbow.  His family name is just a really fanciful and kind of poetic reference to a rainbow.  In conjunction with the “Watchtower” referenced in the name Roujuurou(楼十郎) I’m tempted to take to the meaning of “10th [Floor of the] Watchtower Son” as it implies a high floor, and in the common mythological motif of rainbows as actual physical structures, a high tower would be the sensible entry point to a rainbow bridge. 

Also this is why he has a bird mask.

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Kuna(久南) Mashiro(白)

Let me just come right out and say that I haven’t got a damn clue on this one.  Mashiro(白) means “White.” Ku(久) means “long time,” na(南) means “South.”  She dresses like a super sentai character, specifically one of the original Himitsu Sentei Goranger team, and her mask is a nod to Kamen Rider, with its antenna and big round bug-eyes.  I don’t really see a connection with the name and the tokusatsu theme though.

Small aside, Tokusatsu is a genre of Japanese TV and film that was originally named for its emphasis on special effects like camera tricks and editing in post, used most noticeably in children’s shows like Super Sentai and Kamen Rider.  That distinction became less and less relevant as special effects became more widespread, and so it is now used mostly to refer to live-action costumed super hero shows.

Super Sentai is btw the source material for the American franchise, Power Rangers, from which Saban Entertainment originally bought the footage that they would cut together with their own original footage, and later from which they would buy the costumes in order to shoot their own shows from scratch.

Also of note is that Ishinomori Shoutarou, author of the original Cyborg 009, was also the original show creator of Kamen Rider and Super Sentai.  His work created the transforming(henshin) hero, the body suit and helmet aesthetic, and the heroic billowing scarf, effectively inventing the Japanese superhero almost single-handed.

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Ushouda(有昭田) Hachigen(鉢玄)  

Another funky one...  “[To] Exist [in] a Shining Field” might be the best way to read Ushouda(有昭田)?  Its really the U(有) that gives me trouble here, as it just means “Exist”/”Existance.”  And Hachigen(鉢玄) seems to read Hachi(鉢) meaning “bowl” and Gen(玄) meaning “deep,” “mysterious” and in certain contexts “occult.”  I’m not sure if that “deep” is really a physical deepness or just a sort of “profoundness” that would fall more in line with “mysterious” and “occult.”

Either way I think the general meaning is actually pretty clear, “bowls of rice from a shining field” evoke an image of kind of mythical field of magical produce, eating from which grants a kind of magical quality and sustenance.  In other words, his name is saying that Hachi is such a huge guy and so gifted at magic because he ate a lot of food that grants magic power.

I have no idea why he has the tux or the shaved hair though.  Stage magician?  Fancy gourmand?  But again then why the shaved head and the cross bones?  And Kubo did eventually come up with for him is strangely Balinese looking?  It seems reminiscent of Barong, king of spirits; A benevolent lion/bear monster that defends mankind from Rangda, the demon queen and master of blackmagic.  But apart from the superficial appearance and broad ties to magic, there’s not a lot really tying the two together.

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It’s hard not to just go off on all the weird little design choices, and loose ends, dropped plot points, and retcon’d details that surround the Visored in Bleach.  They really were just such a great concept utterly wasted by terrible pacing and some truly confusing priorities as far as publication goes, eithe ron Kubo’s part, editorial, or both...  But that’s a story for another time...

[suitofvibraniumarmor]

Yours Truly [Part Eleven]

Summary: Chris and Layla return from Minnesota.  Pairing: Chris Pratt x OFC, Chris Evans x OFC Word Count: 1810 Warnings: FLUFF. A/N: This fic was previously posted on my multi-fandom account; in honor of OC Appreciation Day, I figured I would queue it all up for your reading pleasure throughout the day! This was a collab with @captain-s-rogers , and I will link her chapters at the end of all of my posts! Some GIFs were difficult to find again, so if there’s no credit, they’re from Google Image Search or from the original post. 

July 13

Caroline,

I skipped a few days of letters, waiting for Chris to head to Minnesota. I dropped him at the Kansas City airport this morning, and in a couple of days, I’ll pick him and Layla up and bring them home.

I have an interview this afternoon with the elementary school that Layla will be going to. I’m excited, especially after having met a few of Layla’s friends at her party. They seem like good kids, and would be so fun to teach. I like the town, and staying close would be good.

How are things with Chris? Ugh, I’m so torn between wanting you to be able to keep your job and not have to deal with the media, but also wanting you two to be together! He’s just so perfect for you, and even seeing you on stage next to him – you’re adorable together. I hope you haven’t completely given up on him.

See how I’m avoiding talking about my Chris? I can’t even write the words, but I guess I have to since we have sworn off the phone again. The date was pure perfection. He made me dinner and we ate outside on the patio with the first sunflower blooms of the season in a vase on the table. We danced to that Billy Currington song I’ve always been obsessed with, and then it started to rain. We ran inside and he kissed me and then – don’t you DARE say I told you so! – told me that he loves me.

Caroline. Why does that terrify me? Chris is amazing. He makes me laugh – like really laugh, not the polite way like when something is kind of funny, but the kind of laugh that comes out when you don’t expect it.

I know why it terrifies me. It’s because he also told me that I filled a hole in their home. What if he only thinks that he loves me because I’m filling whatever void Emily left behind? Honestly though, I think that’s what worries me the most, and it’s because – am I really about to say this? – because I love him, too.

What the hell is going on with us, C?

Yours truly,

Sadie

After donning the same outfit she had worn for her date with Chris, Sadie tucked the letter into her bag to mail out later, and headed for the elementary school.

Mr. McCaffree, the elementary school principal, greeted Sadie cheerfully when she arrived, and welcomed her right into his office. He asked all the usual interview questions, and seemed very impressed with Sadie overall.

“I do have a couple of other interviews, one today and one tomorrow, but I have to tell you, Ms. Coleman, they’ll be hard-pressed to do better than you,” Mr. McCaffree told her with a smile. “But you didn’t hear that from me.”

Sadie smiled back. “Thank you, sir. I appreciate that.”

He nodded. “I’ll call you by Friday.”

“Sounds great,” Sadie replied, shaking hands with the man. “Thank you.”

She left the school, stopped at the post office, and then headed back to the farm. She changed into a tank top and shorts, and decided to take a walk around the property. With the distraction of the interview over, there was only one thing on her mind.

The last few days with Chris had been wonderful. He had apologized immediately after blurting out that he loved her, assured her that he wasn’t out to rush her and there was no agenda behind his spontaneous confession.

“You’ve stolen my heart,” he sighed before kissing her knuckles. “I don’t expect things to happen so quickly for you, but, please, tell me I haven’t ruined what we’ve started.”

Sadie had assured him that nothing was ruined. Though she knew she felt the same way, she didn’t let on to that fact — simply told Chris that rushing things would likely ruin the connection between them, and she didn’t want that.

“It’s more and more clear the longer I’m here, there’s a reason this job posting came to my attention. There’s a reason it all worked out so well, losing my job back home but finding an opportunity here with you and Layla. But, I don’t want to lose this, either.”

They had spent the rest of the evening talking on the couch, once they changed into dry clothes. Sadie avoided going to bed, knowing the storm would keep her awake; Chris wasn’t in any hurry to leave her while she was frightened. They fell asleep together on the couch, comfortable and warm.

The next couple of days after that, Chris gave her her space to process his confession. He was always open when she approached him, but wasn’t in her presence more often or for longer than need be. The night before he left for Minnesota, Chris took her out to dinner in town. Their interactions were easy and comfortable, despite the confusion and uncertainty Sadie was experiencing about their feelings for each other.

At the airport that morning, Chris had kissed her sweetly and promised to call when he could. It was a short flight to Minneapolis, but there would be a couple hours’ drive to the town where his parents lived. Sadie had a lot to think about, but so did Chris. After all, he hadn’t planned on saying what he said; he hadn’t planned on falling in love with the woman he hired to teach and care for his daughter over the summer – and certainly not so quickly.

No closer to reconciling her mixed-up feelings on the matter, Sadie wandered into the shed. She had been in this building only once before, and that was to retrieve Layla who had gone out under the pretense of asking her father a question, then stuck around to bug him.

She looked around at the tools in the shed, recognizing some and wondering about the purpose of others. Finally, she came to Chris’s workbench, smiling at the pictures of Layla from over the short years of her life. Finally, she found a copy of the picture of Sadie and Layla from Layla’s birthday party. Sadie remembered making an extra copy for Chris, but never thought he would put it up anywhere. She took the photo down from where it was taped to the inside of a tool box lid, studying the image for a few moments before flipping it over.

“My girls at Layla’s fifth birthday party,” Sadie read on the back of the photo. As a smile spread across her face, she repeated, “My girls.”

With those two words, every bit of confusion was erased from Sadie’s mind – and her heart.

When the day came for Sadie to pick up Chris and Layla from the Kansas City airport, she was so excited, she left the farm a full hour sooner than necessary. The house had been too quiet without Layla, and just plain lonely over the few days that Chris was gone.

While she waited for their flight to arrive, she sat and read a book, although she was so excited, she had to read several of the pages two or three times. Focusing on the content of the book was not her mind’s priority.

“Adie!”

Sadie dropped her book just in time for Layla to launch herself into Sadie’s arms. Sadie squeezed the little girl tight, feeling relieved at having her charge home once more.

“Did you have so much fun with Grandma and Grandpa?” Sadie asked.

Layla nodded earnestly. “I did! I have something for you, but you have to have it at home Daddy said because it’s in my suitcase.”

“Fair enough,” Sadie chuckled, tucking her book back into her bag and handing the keys over to Chris. “Glad you’re home.”

“Me too,” he smiled, as Layla ran ahead to the baggage claim. “I haven’t told her about us yet. I thought I’d let you decide when you’re ready for that.”

“Soon,” Sadie promised. “Layla, sweetie, stay where we can see you, please!”

Chris’s and Layla’s suitcases showed up about ten minutes later. Once the car was loaded up, they were headed back home. Another rainstorm had set in on the last twenty minutes of the drive, which meant Layla and Sadie made a mad rush for the house when they arrived, while Chris grabbed the luggage and ran in behind them.

“Daddy, now can I give Adie her present?” Layla pleaded.

“Take your bag to your room, let Sadie help you unpack. You can give her your present while you’re in there.”

The two girls made way for the bedroom. Sadie retrieved Layla’s dirty clothes for the laundry, while Layla dug for an envelope. Adiewas scrawled across the front of the photo envelope in Layla’s handwriting; Sadie smiled and took out the paper folded inside.

“Is this us?” Sadie asked, her heart swelling with love.

Layla nodded. “That’s me an’ you an’ Daddy! With the sunflowers. See?”

Sadie looked at the picture, unable to stop her smile. In the picture, the three of them were holding hands, and each one had a red heart on their shirt.

“It’s ‘cause we all love each other,” Layla said, pointing at the hearts.

Sadie held the picture to her chest. “I’ll treasure it always, Layla. Thank you, so much.”

Together they finished unpacking the suitcase, then Sadie tucked the picture safely away in the nightstand in the guest room, under Layla’s close supervision.

“I thought you two went to bed!” Chris teased. “Who wants to watch a movie?”

“Me!” Layla replied, jumping up and down. “Can we have popcorn? And get pizza?”

Chris exchanged a look with Sadie, who shrugged. “I suppose coming back from vacation is a good time for a movie night. You got it.”

“Yay!” Layla cheered, dancing around.

With a little more convincing by the five-year-old, every pillow and blanket in the house was constructed into a fort-type structure for them to watch movies. While Chris went into town to get the pizza, Sadie helped Layla with her bath, got her into pajamas, and braided her hair. Sadie braided her hair as well, got into a pair of sweats and a tank top, and kept Layla busy until Chris returned.

They only made it through a portion of the first movie before Layla was asleep between the two of them. Chris picked her up and tucked her into bed, returning a few minutes later. He put his arm around Sadie’s shoulders; she tucked her head against his chest.

“Missed you while you were gone,” she told him.

“Missed you, too,” Chris said, laying a soft kiss on her lips. “Up for another movie?”

In truth, Sadie was feeling tired, but to be there cuddled with Chris in a pillow and blanket fort – she would never be tired enough to turn that down.

Part Twelve

[illnessandinjury]

Whumptober Day 24 - Secret Injury

ALRIGHT FUCKERS IT'S LATE BUT IT'S HERE - I wrote half of this while basically high off xanax (it's prescribed, don't come for me), so if it sucks, I blame it on that.

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia Summary: During a "Survival" exercise, class 1-A is sent into the woods to fend for themselves and make it through the night; it goes well, until it doesn't. The League of Villains drop of a nomu at the campsite, and chaos ensues. Bakugou kind of gets thrown into a tree and gets a bit fucked up, but neglects to mention it until he basically can't hide it any longer. Time line of the story happens before All Might retires. Warnings: Blood, violence, slight emeto. Parings: KiriBaku if you really squint, because fuck you Words: 6,713

Art and fic under the cut!!

Bakugou POV

Goddammit, Bakugou hated the outdoors. He always thought that families who went camping "for fun" were psychopaths and/or masochists. So it explains why the blonde was less than enthused when it was announced that the class would be doing a survival trip in the wilderness. Which, in the first place, didn't make any fucking sense. This wasn't boy scouts - they were all UA students, future heroes. Aizawa made some bullshit excuse that it was going to be a way to test resourcefulness and teamwork.

Everyone else in the class seemed pretty excited, seemed to be viewing it as a vacation, and Bakugou secretly added all their names to the list of "psychopaths and/or masochists". He thought maybe he could tell them he caught a bad bug and had to stay home, but Aizawa told them that the exercise was being scored as a test, and well, goddammit that just ruined that idea. There was no way out of this apparently, so Bakugou held his tongue and retired to his dorm that night to pack his bag - which mind you, there was not much they were allowed to bring. A change of clothes, and that was pretty much it. No cellphones, no electronics or any kind for that matter, they couldn't even bring books for recreation. Wanna brush your teeth in the morning? Too damn bad, use a leaf for all they cared.

The sun had barely risen and they were on their way. The bus ride was long... and fucking loud. He was sharing his seat with Kirishima, although Bakugou didn't really get a say in the matter, the spiky haired bastard just sat down and made himself at home. Mina was leaning over the seat in front of them talking excitedly to Kirishima about all the "cool and fun" things they were gonna do, who was going to build the best shelter, what kind of food they could catch, blah, blah, fucking blah. Bakugou never wished for his phone and earphones more in his life.

By the time they arrived at the site, they had to hike (yes, fucking hike) about a mile to a safe house. Apparently U.A. had a lot of these little buildings placed in the most random places ever. Basically armed with what people would need in case of emergencies. There was rationed food, water, a radio broadcaster, a TV that looked like it was straight from the 1990's, etc. Someone had also taken the time to pack all the class' hero gear into a crate which was being brought in by All Might.

Bakugou watched as Aizawa was desperately trying to get a hold of everyone's attention, before President Mic basically said, "Nah, I got this", and screamed at the top of his lungs which basically gave everyone a heart attack, but successfully got them to be quiet. Aizawa rubbed at his ears, "Yeah, okay, thanks President Mic. Anyway, students, here we start our Survival Test. Let's get the rules out of the way first. Rule number one, absolutely no use of any of your quirks. Two, if I find out that one of you managed to sneak in something on the "do not bring" list, you will be given a failing grade. And three, everyone must make their own shelter; no shaking up. Now, there will be three main areas set up, and you will all be divided between those three. I will be accompanying one-"

"And me one!" President Mic boomed. Bakugou prayed to any god that was listening that he wouldn't get stuck at that one.

"And me, of course!" All Might stood heroically.

Aizawa continues, "Yes, anyway, there's 20 of you in total so there will be one group of six, and two group of seven. These goes as follows; My group will be the one with six. I will have Aoyama, Asui, Iida, Koda, Shoji, and Tokoyami."

Present Mic took the stand next, "And I will have Mineta, Sero, Todoroki, Sato, Kaminari, Ojiro, and Mina."

Kirishima elbowed Bakugou and whispered to him, "That means we're together with All Might!" Bakugou inwardly groaned, not just that, but he was about to be paired up with fucking Deku of all people.

"And of course that means," All Might spoke next, "I will have Uraraka, Kirishima, Yaoyorozu, Midoriya, Hagekure, Bakugou, and Jiro."

There was a little bit of mixed groaning from those who got split up from their friends, and the gleeful cheering of those who got paired with theirs. Aizawa spoke up again, "It was all selected randomly, so if you have complaints, I really don't care. Get with your team leader, pay attention and take the lesson seriously, and we'll meet up tomorrow afternoon."

Clicking his tongue, annoyed by the whole situation, Bakugou followed Kirishima to meet up with everyone else around All Might, taking precaution to stay as far away from Deku as possible; this trip was already shitty enough, he really didn't need that fucking nerd ruining it anymore.

"Alright team!" All Might started, and then handed everyone a paper with instructions, tips, and a small map on it, "We have many tasks to do today, and not much time to do them! Everything has to be completed by nightfall or you will either wake up hungry, or be forced to sleep on nothing but dirt. I will be supervising you - after all this is for a grade. If I see someone slacking off and not pulling their weight, their grade will be docked. But," He paused, "That doesn't mean we can't have fun while we're at it!"

'Oh, gag me with a fucking spoon', Bakugou thought to himself. Round face and Deku were looking at the map and excitedly pointing things out to each other, Hagekure was jumping up and down in thrill, and Kirishima was already talking to Jiro about how they were gonna start a forest fire, which... fucking hell, let's hope not. "Alright gang, let's head out!"

They had all fucking neglected to mention the fact that the camp sites were an almost a seven mile hike away from the safe house, and by the time they got there, Bakugou was already ready to call it quits. If the summer heat paired with the hiking wasn't going to kill him, it was going to be the dozens of bug bites he's probably already gotten.

With a small huddle and deviation of tasks it seemed that Bakugou was stuck with Jiro and Kirishima to collect enough fire wood to last the night, set up animal snares (which damn, that seemed a little brutal for a school trip), finding a good source of reliable water, and of course, building their own shelter.

It was tiring, boring, irritating, and by the end of it all Bakugou's body was already covered in a light sun burn, countless thorn bush scratches, and somehow had gotten burs in his hair. They had successfully caught two rabbits, while Yaoyorozu and Hagekure had caught enough fish for them to all have at least one - so they were good on food although they were all a little grossed out by the aspect of the whole wilderness to table dining.

Bakugou set to building his shelter pretty fast but honestly had no fucking idea where to even start. There were some tips on the paper they were given, but honestly he was just stealing looks at the one Yaoyorozu was building and trying to copy it as much as possible, and pretty much failing miserably. Well... it was standing and it was big enough for him to fit under if he curled up, so Bakugou decided to count that as a win.

Night fell pretty quickly, and it was time to get the fire started and make dinner. Starting a fire was not the easiest task in the world, and after about ten minutes of a bunch of his useless classmates trying and failing to get a good spark, Bakugou just wanted to run over there and set the whole thing ablaze - but noooo, that was against the rules. After what seemed like fucking forever, the kindling caught and they had enough fire to spit roast their catches.

Turns out - unseasoned fish and rabbit? Not that fucking good. Like... at all. But with all the energy that Bakugou had spent that day completing dumb tasks out in this godforsaken forest, he didn't complain much; and just chased down the bland food with the water he collected from a nearby river earlier.

Everyone retired for the night (can he just mention the absolute fuckery it was that All Might got to bring a whole pop up tent) and Bakugou celebrated how close they were to being done with this bullshit. Wake up in the morning, tear everything down, clean up, and head back home. Hallelujah.

Of course though - things can't go that smoothly for anybody in this fucking school.

Bakugou was roused from his not very restful slumber, I mean how nice can you sleep when you're laying on a bunch of dirt and twigs, by a scream coming that ran out through air; Hagakure. At first he thought the girl had woken up to a bug crawling on her, and just turned over and tried to go back to sleep - but that wasn't the case. He heard something he would never be able to forget his whole life, a sound that was introduced to him when they first met, the heart-dropping sadistic laugh of Shigaraki.

The League of Villains.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK. Bakugou jumped up from his shelter, hands immediately sparking up, looking the threat - but it was dark. The campfire had almost died down and he could barely make out some shadows, which he didn't know who was his classmates, and who were villains. By this time it seemed everyone had jolted from their sleep, mumbling to each other about what was going on, who was screaming, was it a false alarm. Maybe it was? Maybe it was a training exercise and that was the real reason the were brought out here?

Before Bakugou's brain could land on a concrete answer, there was suddenly a huge hand on his shoulder, gripping it painfully before violently flinging him backwards. He helplessly flew through the air until his body collided with a nearby tree, knocking the air from his lungs, and Bakugou swore he could hear something inside him crack. Consciousness must have left Bakugou for a second, but when he opened his eyes again things were still just as dark, and everyone was still engulfed in a confused panic.

His mouth tasted like copper, and he was briefly aware of a warm liquid lazily sliding down his forehead. Then, like a sick, sadistic light switch got flipped on, agony ripped through the blonde. Everything hurt, but the pain seemed to blossom from his left shoulder and side, and then jolt like hot electricity throughout the rest of his body. Turning his head to the side, Bakugou sit the copper from his mouth, and wiped a mixture of blood and sweat from his brow. He sat there for a while, just trying to regain his bearings, breathe through the pain. If Bakugou were a betting man, he'd guess he cracked a few of his ribs, but he couldn't pinpoint what was wrong with the shoulder; it hurt like hell and felt... just wrong. Goddammit, every breath was like getting a knife jabbed into his side.

Another scream rang out from one his classmates, and there was suddenly a bright flash of what looked like lightening with All Might's voice ringing out an attack's name. It was quick, but it the moment of light Bakugou could see a little bit of what was going on - All Might charging at a huge, muscled humanoid; a nomu. That must have been what grabbed him and flung him around like a good damn yo-yo.

He would never admit it, but he let out a breath of relief when he saw that the rest of his classmates seemed fine,  just shaken up and starting to scramble back from the direction that All Might had projected himself towards. In the bright flash there were also no signs of other villains. It was almost like Shigaraki dropped off the nomu and just dipped out - making his head spin of where he had gone and what he was doing. He thought of the other campsites.

"Bakugou?" Kirishima's voice spoke up, soft and shaking, "Where are you?"

Trying to stand up was easier said than done; his whole body protested. As soon as any pressure was put on his left arm to try and push himself up, Bakugou's vision went white with blinding pain and he had to bite his cheek to keep from yelling out. Okay, right arm it was. Gingerly, he was able to pull himself into a somewhat steady standing position and walk, well more like limp, his way over to Kirishima. He gingerly placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, feeling Kirishima jump under it, "It's me, shitty hair."

Blindly, Bakugou reached around before his hand landed on one of the other classmate's shelter before he quickly lit it ablaze to get a better picture of what was going on, "There we fucking go."

Like he had seen earlier, all of the other classmates were fine and accounted for. Following the noises of the fight, Bakugou was able to get a clear look at All Might; hand to hand with the nomu and trying to push him backwards. The first idea that popped into Bakugou's mind was to help his teacher out and join the fight, but with his busted arm and ribs, he didn't think he'd be much use. Of course the most competent one here would get put on a fucking crutch.

Suddenly All Might spoke up, his voice booming through the stagnant night air and echoing off the trees, "Listen, students, I need you all to hurry back to the safe house. The other teachers will tell the rest of the students to do the same. Once you're-" He was cut off by the nomu taking a swing at him which he successfully dodged and was able to knock the creature back a bit, "Once you're there, radio the school. Tell them what's going on. Fight only if absolutely necessary, and stick together."

Running was the absolute last thing Bakugou wanted to do - that was such a weak thing to do, so cowardly. He wanted to yell back at All Might and tell him that wasn't going to fucking happen, but the nomu jumped on him again and they locked up together again, "Go!"

Yaoyorozu ran up to Bakugou and the other students who were now standing closely together under the flames that he had created earlier, "I memorized the map from the paper, let's get the hell out of here," she took note of the worry written on some of the other student's faces, "All Might can handle it. He's counting on us to do our part in this situation too."

Okay, yeah, easier said than done, Bakugou thought. Just a moment ago he was wanting to rush in to join the fight, but his adrenaline was leaving his bloodstream slowly and the pain was getting more and more nagging as time went on. He let out an aggravated groan, "Fine, let's fucking go. Yaoyorozu, lead the way."

She nodded in confirmation and without hesitation materialized a flashlight before taking off, the rest of the class following behind her.

Running was... uncomfortable, to say the least. Every time one of Bakugou's feet connected with the ground, a spike of pain shot through him like a bullet, but at this point the only thing he could do about it was grin and bear it. After the noises of fighting from All Might and the nomu slowly faded behind them, Deku spoke up, "Everyone okay?"

Everyone rang in with a hushed, "fine," or, "all good here," and Kirishima's personal, "scared shitless, but other wise okay!" Bakugou spoke up as well, "We're all fine, so shut the fuck up, and focus on not running into a tree, shitty nerd." Bakugou was anything but fine, but there was no way in hell he was going to admit that; it would also cause everyone else to give him their needless pity instead of focusing on the task at hand. Best to keep it under wraps for now, but goddammit did it fucking hurt. Every quick dash around an obstacle twisted his body in a way where he swear he could feel the broken bone fragments rub together and his vision would go white for a moment, but he continued onward.

Bakugou was lagging behind, taking up the rear with Kirishima an arms length away from him, so nobody could see him cradle his injured arm protectively to his body, trying to keep it from being jostled too much. If he was being honest though, there was a cold numbness that was starting to seep into Bakugou's left hand, starting in his fingers and slowly working it's way up - that couldn't be good; although part of him was glad because it made it a little less painful.

Suddenly, a horrible familiar raspy voice sounded from behind them, "And where do you all thing you're going?"

Shigaraki. Fuck.

They all whipped around, the flash light illuminating him a bit, his disgustingly pale face, as he reached a hand Bakugou. Shit, if that fucker touched him, Bakugou was going to have a lot more to deal with on his plate, so with quick thinking he blasted himself backwards, "Fuck off!"

Without warning, the light was extinguished and Yaoyorozu's voice rang out, "Scatter!"

Before Bakugou could think about which direction to run in, a rough calloused hand grabbed hold of his left wrist and pulled right. It took everything in Bakugou's will to not let out a shriek of agony, gritting his teeth so hard he tasted blood. The owner of the hand on him spoke up, it was Kirishima, "I have no idea where I'm going!"

The way Kirishima was jostling his arm was almost unbearable, "Fucking let go of me, shitty hair!"

Kirishima did as he was told, but complained, "Fine, but stay close, I don't want to lose you in here!"

"I can handle my damn self, I'm not incompetent like the rest of you fuckers," Bakugou bit back, "Worry about yourself!" The moon had finally moved directly over the woods, and while the line of vision was still not the best, it was at least a little easier to see the basics of what was going on around them. Bakugou glanced behind him, "That fucker isn't following us."

Kirishima made an affirmative noise, "We should find a place to hide for a bit to collect our thoughts and come up with a plan."

Stopping didn't really seem like the best choice, but at this point, Bakugou would take any chance to sit down and try and even out his breathing. The harsh gasps that came from running were like shattered glass running through his blood, "Fine." The pain that enveloped Bakugou unfortunately wasn't the type you could get used to, instead it was the kind that was growing in intensity - aside from his arm which was numb almost all the way up to his elbow at this point. The pain was making Bakugou's mind hazy, he wasn't going to be able to keep a clear head much longer, god he just... just wanted to sit down.

"There!" Kirishima pointed at a large hollow tree that was a couple yards ahead of them. Bakugou followed and they finally collapsed into the shadow's of the tree's cavernous opening. The boy's labored breathing echoed off the wood walls that encompassed them, working their way up the trunk. Kirishima broke the silence first, "O-Okay, so we ran right, right?" he breathed through gasps of air, and Bakugou gave him a hum of approval, "So if Yaoyorozu was going to the safe house in a straight shot, we just need to run forwards, but diagonally left."

Bakugou didn't really think it was all that simple, but it was the best shot they had at this point, "Sounds good enough, shitty hair."

The two rested there a bit longer taking a moment to catch their breath and recharge their stamina a bit, but this time Bakugou's adrenaline was hanging on by a tiny thread at this point. A wave of pain rushed over him, eyes going wide, biting his cheek until blood filled his mouth and slammed his head into the hollow wood behind him; anything to take the edge off the torment that was his ribs and shoulder.

"You good over there?"

"Just frustrated," not technically a lie.

Bakugou could feel Kirishima's skepticism and hesitance, "Alright, well... you ready to head back out there and run for our lives?"

No, "Yep, let's go."

Getting back up again proved to be almost as challenging as it was the first time Bakugou pushed himself up and away from the fucking tree he got slammed into. With only his right arm working properly, he used the tree's trunk to help himself up onto unsteady legs. He was being slow, Bakugou knew, but if he moved too fast he would be engulfed in pain, but if he was too slow he was going to compromise both his and Shitty Hair's safety. They had to keep moving, because holy fuck they were being chased by maniacs; actual psychopaths, and not just the "I like camping" ones.

The two took off running again; it felt like Bakugou had been doing this for hours, he was exhausted. His body was crashing, fast. A rouge tree branch wacked him painfully, catching him right in his injured shoulder and he couldn't bite back the gasp of pain that left his lips fast enough.

"Yeah, man, these thorn bushes are killer on the legs," Kirishima let out a weakhearted chuckle.

Yeah, thorn bushes. Honestly the little pricks cutting up his legs was all but ignored compared to the agony that was radiating through his side. God, he was so fucking weak. Bakugou hated feeling inferior, and that exact feeling was starting to overwhelm him as he realized he was lagging behind, putting more and more distance between him and Kirishima. In a last ditch effort, Bakugou tried pushing more power into his legs, but it didn't too much. The exhaustion, the pain, the... everything was taking over. It was torture.

Up ahead, Kirishima cursed, "Fuck!"

Panic seized Bakugou's chest, "What? What's wrong?" Kirishima had stopped running, and Bakugou caught up with him before he saw it - a small cliff standing right in front of them, easily seven feet tall, "Ah, fuck indeed." Bakugou cast a glance to the left, then to his right, but it seemed that the cliff stretched on for quite some distance; Kirishima seemed to notice this as well. If the boys wanted to keep their straight shot, they were going to have to find a way over it.

"Fuck!" Kirishima cursed again, "Okay, Bakugou, blast yourself up there, and then help pull me up. There's nothing my quirk can do to help me here."

The thought of having to pull up his lug of a friend was enough to cause him to pale, but Bakugou didn't see any other option at this point. Fuck! "Fine, let's get this over with." Bakugou sent off little pops in his hands, gearing up for the bigger blast that followed shortly after. Shit! He overshot it! Good news, Bakugou cleared the cliff just fine - bad news, the ground was rushing up to him pretty fast. With quick thinking, he let off another small explosion to cushion the fall, which worked as good as it could have in theory. Bakugou landed on his back, the breath knocked out of his lungs and for a split second he thought he was going to pass out again. FUCK, it hurt. Taking a moment to try and catch his breath and wait for the agony to slowly ebb away, Bakugou stared up at this sky, not knowing if the stars he was seeing were real or just the exhaustion and dizziness taking him over.

"Bakugou?" Kirishima whispered harshly, "Everything okay up there? You need to pull me up."

"I know!" Bakugou barked, "Shut the fuck up, just give me a second."

Bakugou stole a breath and steeled himself. He could do this. All he had to do was pull Kirishima up. Bakugou wasn't weak, he could do this dammit! Bakugou leaned over the side of the cliff, his arms dangling down for Kirishima to grab, trying to ignore the sharp pain in his ribs as they dug into the ground below him. Kirishima grabbed his hands and Bakugou pulled up and-

No, nope, he couldn't do this. There was no fucking way. Bakugou let go immediately, letting out a strangled cry, cradling his left arm in his lap, eyes pickling with forced tears. He barely registered the sound of Kirishima landing harshly back on the ground below him, but Bakugou could care less. At this point it took everything in Bakugou to keep his vision stable and clear as white, hot bolts of lightning jolted outwards across his body from his shoulder.

"-kugou!" Kirishima was yelling up at him, "What happened? Are you okay? Bakugou, answer me!"

"Shut up, shitty hair! I'm fucking fine, just..," Okay, how was Bakugou going to explain this, did he tell the truth? No, he could just use his right arm to pull him up. He reached back down and Kirishima hesitantly took his arm.

"You got me this time?"

"Yes, so shut the fuck up, and get the hell up here already!"

Kirishima used Bakugou's strength and the wall as he repelled his way up the cliff. It didn't hurt as much as the first attempt, but this one was much harder on his ribs. The muscles in his sides contracted around the broken bones, using whatever strength Bakugou had left to pull up his friend. Afer a lot of discomfort and curses, Kirishima was finally up, already on his feet. Bakugou stayed on the ground, rolling again onto his back and gasping up at the sky. Reaching his hand out for Bakugou, Kirishima said, "Alright let's go." Already? "Just let me fucking breathe for a second, fuck." Bakugou know he didn't have time to just sit around feeling sorry for himself, "Please... Just a second."

Please? Really? Since when did Bakugou let that word slip past his lips.

"So, uh," Kirishima spoke up tentatively, "What's wrong with your arm?" Bakugou cursed at himself. Kirishima may not have the best grades, but he was pretty attentive to details, "Nothing, asshole. I'm fine."

"I'm not blind, Bakugou," He crouched down next to Bakugou's flat out body, "It's your left arm, right? You tried pulling me up, yelled, and then used just your right. Did you hurt it?"

Bakugou wanted to scream at him, tell him to keep his shitty opinions to himself, but he could only let out a strained, "No." Kirishima snapped, yelling in a hushed whisper, "Just be truthful with me for once, goddammit! For once. Shove your damn pride out of the way and tell me what's wrong!"

"I don't know what's wrong with it, okay?" Bakugou bit back, "It just hurts, now fuck off and let's go." Which was the last thing he wanted to do, but if it got him away from this conversation, Bakugou would gladly push onward.

"When did it start hurting?" His friend pressed him, "Did you run into a tree or something?"

Before Bakugou could stop himself he was blurting out the truth, "More like thrown into one."

"What?" Kirishima's voice raised before he quieted himself, "When the hell did that happen?"

He shouldn't have said anything. Bakugou should have just kept his damn mouth shut, but there was no hiding anything anymore. The moment Kirishima got a whiff of something even the smallest bit off, he'd keep pressing and pressing the issue until the person facing him finally caved, "Back at the campsite. That fucking nomu bastard threw me; hard. Fucked up my arm."

Kirishima was silent for a moment and Bakugou could tell he was seething, "You should have told me right away, asshole! Are you at least okay besides the arm?" 

Bakugou remained silent. Why did he feel guilty? It wasn't his fault he got injured. It wasn't his fucking fault.

"I'll take that as a no then," Kirishima responded to his lack of answer, "What else is wrong?"

Bakugou opened his mouth to answer before shutting it again. He didn't want to admit anything. He didn't want to tell Kirishima. Pain was a sign of weakness. Injuries were weaknesses, "I, uh," Bakugou's voice faltered as it broke the silence, "I think some of my ribs are broken."

Suddenly, a harsh thud came from the ground right beside Bakugou's head, and for a second his heart seized thinking that the enemies found them, but realized that Kirishima had punched the dirt, "Dammit, Bakugou! Why the fuck didn't you say anything?"

Guilt. It ran through him rampantly, "It wasn't the time. It still isn't. All Might said to get to the safe house. I would have just... slowed everyone down." God, why the fuck did he feel like crying. Why was he so fucking weak?

When Kirishima spoke again, his voice was softer, "You arm. Is it broken too? Or?"

Bakugou let out a weak laugh that sounded more like a groan, "I don't know. It doesn't feel like it is. It just feels wrong," he closed his eyes tightly, "Hurts. The shoulder anyway, the arm itself it just... numb at this point..,”

Kirishima took on a more serious tone, "Let me take a look at it. I might know what's wrong," he started grabbing a few sticks that laid nearby, "I did some brief medical training during my internship. It's risky, but light these on fire real quick so I can get a better look."

Doing what he was told, Bakugou put his hand over the twigs and with nothing more than a small pop, they were ablaze. Kirishima got a good look at his face, and his smile fell, "Damn, you look like shit, man."

"Shut the fuck up, shitty hair."

Kirishima started working the sleeve of Bakugou's shirt up to get a better look at his shoulder. Bakugou bit his lip, trying to keep any embarrassing noises at bay as Kirishima laid his hand on the injured joint; although he wasn't all that successful as a few pained whimpers got through. As soon as they left his throat, Bakugou wanted to punch himself directly in his fucking face.

"Shit."

"What?"

Kirishima stomped out the fire desperatley, "I was right. Your shoulder is dislocated. It needs to be put back in place. Like, now."

"Fuck no," Bakugou paled, "That's not fucking happening."

"Do you want to keep your arm or not?" Kirishima asked him harshly, but it was more deserpate than bitter, "Numbness is a bad sign, so if you want the nerves to keep dying, you can continue being stubborn - or you can let me put it back in place and hopefully be able to use your arm in the future."

Fuck. Fuck! Bakugou sighed in defeat, "Okay. Fine. Just get it over with."

Kirishima sat him up a bit, one hardened hand was placed behind the shoulder, and the other rested painfully on the out of place bone, "It's easier than you see in movies, I promise. But... it's going to hurt. You have to try and keep quiet. I know it's easier said than done, but if the villains find us like this while you're injured..." He trailed off.

Bakugou knew. It wouldn't be good. He wouldn't be able to hold him own. He'd get in the way. He'd be useless. Useless..., "I'm not a weakling like you, I can take it. Just do it already, asshole."

The grip on the bone tightened, and Bakugou bristled, gritting his teeth, "Ready?" Bakugou nodded.

With a rough push, and a paralyzing POP! of the bone realigning into the socket, Bakugou's eyes went wide in pain. It was absolute agony. Sharp, hot, stabbing, electric. Oh god, it hurt so fucking bad. A strangled scream rose up his throat but was cut off by Kirishima slapping a hand over his mouth, and cradling his head, "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. Please be quiet. It's okay. It's over. It's okay now. I'm sorry."

Bakugou dug his fingers roughly into the dirt below him; pain was the only thing he could feel. Tears leaked through his scrunched eyed and Bakugou realized, 'Oh fuck, I'm gonna be sick'. He slapped his friend's hand away from the mouth and tuned his head to the side to gag wetly onto the ground, bringing up thin streams of his meager dinner that night along with the burn of stomach acid and bile.

The sharp pain in his shoulder was starting to receded a bit, only to be replaced with the knife in his side that the muscles around his broken ribs contracting as he retched weakly. Bakugou let out a pathetic whimper before collapsing forwards into Kirishima. The later let out a noise of surprise, and Bakugou's face burned with embarrassment. This was so out of character; so pathetic. Weak. Pathetic.

Kirishima ran his hands through Bakugou's hair, "I'm so sorry, Bakugou." He was exhausted. Whatever adrenaline Bakugou's body was desperately holding onto, left him the moment his shoulder was relocated. For a moment, Bakugou thought he might fall asleep right then and there. The dirt below him and his friend's chest was suddenly so comfortable. Maybe he could just- Suddenly there was a blast far away, and Bakugou looked up to see a mushroom cloud of dirt reach up towards the sky, birds flying away in a hurry to get the hell out of there.

"We need to get moving again," Kirishima informed, "I- I'm so sorry. But we have to get to the safe house."

Bakugou lifted his head up, wiping away stray tears and the vomit that still clung to his chin, "Don't be, 's fine. I'm fine." He tried standing up, but as soon as Bakugou's feet was underneath him again, they buckled and he was sent back towards the ground.

Kirishima grabbed him before he fell back down completely, helping to steady himself, "Woah, there buddy. It's okay."

Weakly, Bakugou slapped away the hands on him as soon as he felt that he was stable enough to stand without help, "I said I was fine, dammit," his retort barely had any bite to it, instead it sounded like an exhausted sigh. The worst thing was that the feeling was starting to return back to Bakugou's arm, the blood returning back to the limb. The numbness was gone, and it just started hurting again; throbbing in time with his jostled ribs. Bakugou tried to keep his breathing low and shallow as to not aggravate his side anymore, but he wasn't very successful, "Alright... let's go."

Kirishima's POV Bakugou was in bad shape. Kirishima cast a glance over at his friend, and even in the dimness of the moon's light it was easy to see how pale his tan skin was, how sweat glistened off of it and stuck his spiky hair to his forehead. Not only that, but Bakugou was barely keeping up any kind of fast pace - but Kirishima expected that; the fiery blonde was clearly exhausted. He broke the silence, "We'll reach the safe house soon, I promise." It was an empty promise, and Kirishima had a hunch that Bakugou knew that as well; they still weren't even sure they were going in the right direction, and they were only going at a fraction of the pace they had been holding up earlier. The other classmates had probably already made it to the safe house. Kirishima hoped, anyway. That would mean that the other pro heroes were on their way. Another explosion sounded off in the distance, and the blonde picked up his speed a bit, and Kirishima matched it. Ever since they took off again after relocating Bakugou's shoulder, Kirishima wasn't working up a sweat at all, but Bakugou's breathing was so labored, and it seemed extremely painful. Briefly, Kirishima remembered the time he cracked a rib as a kid doing something stupid - and it still hurt like a bitch even after the pain killers; he didn't even want to imagine what Bakugou was feeling. That mixed with the agony of a dislocated shoulder? Kirishima shivered at the thought, thinking, 'Nope, no thank you.'

Caught up in his thoughts, Kirishima hadn't noticed that Bakugou started lagging behind him again. He turned his head back just in time to see Bakugou, who's eyes were closed, his face scrunched up in pain, clip his bad shoulder on a nearby tree.

A hoarse yelp rang out through the air as Bakugou was sent to the ground, curling in on himself, hands gripping his left shoulder so hard it looked like his finger nails were going to start piercing the skin, "Bakugou!" Kirishima rushed over, wincing himself at just the thought of it, "Hey, buddy, you alright?" His hands anxiously hovered over his friend, not sure what he could do to make it better, to help ease the pain.

"M' fine..." Bakugou breathed into the dirt covered ground beneath him "M' fine, just... give me a moment."

Kirishima nodded, "Of course, buddy." He kneeled there for what felt like forever, just watching Bakugou writhe in pain. Kirishima couldn't get over how out of character for the blonde; he almost never showed signs of discomfort. It seemed like it was was beyond him; almost like he didn't have any pain receptors. Kirishima took a moment to actually feel glad they got split up together, knowing that Bakugou would probably just had continued hiding his injuries otherwise. It seemed you'd really had to push this kid before he would break down and admit something was wrong.

Finally, Bakugou's whimpers and desperate gasps died down, and his breathing evened out a bit, "Better?"

"Yeah," it was a lie that they both knew.

"Alright," Kirishima pulled Bakugou's good arm up and over his shoulder, "Up we go."

At this point, Bakugou was nothing more than a dead weight. His feet were barely moving, and it was more like Kirishima was just dragging him along. God, he prayed that they didn't run into Shigaraki again, or any of the other villains for that matter. Things were bad; terrible even.

Suddenly another noise rang out through the stagnant night air, but this one was different. A small shot, like the firing of a gun. Both boys looked up the direction of the sound and saw a blast of light shoot upwards towards the sky before slowly dying out. A flare! Oh thank god. It wasn't that far away from them, a little bit to the left and about another mile out. Kirishima smiled and turned to Bakugou, "Look! It's a signal. The others made it just fine." Bakugou let out a weak smile, "G-Guess the others aren't so fucking useless after all."

Kirishima let out a chuckle, glad to see the blonde was still his usual asshole self, but the laugh cut off abruptly as he watched Bakugou's eyes roll backwards, and he collapsed forwards, "Bakugou!" The only thing that kept his friend from falling flat on his face was the arm that was still draped around Kirishima's shoulder. Shit, shit, shit.

In a moment of panic, Kirishima scooped Bakugou up into his arms bridal style and started rushing towards the direction of the flare. Looking down, he took a little solace in the fact that his friend's face was smooth and calm, no longer scrunched in pain and blanketed with exhaustion; but he desperately needed help, and fast.

"Just a little longer, Bakugou," Kirishima spoke to the unconscious form in his arms, "I told you we were gonna be there soon. I promised.”

[duckbeater]

Duck Beater at Ten; or, The Orphans

[Editor’s Note: I started this blog a decade ago—occasion enough, I thought, for me to reflect on what it’s meant to contribute (in my extraordinarily untimely and narrow way) to a log that has tried (and more often failed) at recording where I’m at and how I’m doing and what I’m thinking and where I’m going. Having this space has not unreasonably kept me in it—I mean, its persistence has kept me reflecting more or less on the period of its inception. I think a lot about who I was at 23, which is idiotic and costly. I read more books back then. I had no money. My best friend was my brother. I thought I would write a novel.] 

Years ago, my brother’s friend offended him when she asked me why I didn’t prefer one brand of paint over another. I was probably in my apartment's kitchen, working on a canvas, and they were probably behind me, eating my boyfriend's food.

I painted then because I was very poor. One way of thinking through your poverty—if you haven't drugs or sex or a brain injury—is to create pointless tasks for yourself, which is what art-making very often is. It's like Vicodin. It's very lovely, costly, addicting, transporting and makes your stomach hurt if you're not full-up already on something else (say, mashed potatoes). I was painting a truly hideous “family portrait”—globs of white and green paint shaped like cast-off “Sesame Street” creatures—and I was painting, besides, for myself. To hold the brush and to fold the colors and to smell the Turpenoid. A.J. had the money for food (our dying grandfather had cosigned on a student loan) and yet there he was with Victoria, in my apartment, peeling back the silvery foil of a Pop-Tart, making crinkling sounds.

I shouldn't say “my apartment” because it was really Cole’s: I had decamped there when we fell hard in love. This was on the corner of Union and Greenwich, across from an intramural field, and beyond that the law school. It was low-income housing: most has been destroyed; and now that I'm on Google I find the places I walked by, the porch I painted bright blue, the rooms I cherished (orange, annoyingly), they've all disappeared. There's odd grassy lots where there were once old, three-apartment houses, their interiors mangled to accommodate the crying fits of off-campus seniors. In the decade since their vanishment, even the indentations of walkways, of their foundations are invisible, and the lawns are as serene and flat and verdant as well-maintained graves. I recall coming off work one night that October, and finding Cole in the stairwell to the second-floor flat. He was crumpled in a ball, on the phone, arguing with his father: I should visit for Thanksgiving; I should be considered family. He was so angry he was bawling, and he hated me to touch him, and I left him in a daze which is also how I finally left him—in a daze, hating me to touch him. (But on better terms with his father.) Well, that stairwell is gone.

A.J. and Victoria, and in fact many of A.J.’s other law school friends, they regularly came into this apartment. (I have written about them before and realized only in editing this piece that the following brief description is a paraphrase of that missive.) They played Mario Kart on the GameCube, recited Moot Court speeches and ate take-out on the sofas. They gossiped incessantly because a small law school is a high school (it even had lockers), and the attendees are as reckless and dispirited and status-hungry as freshmen in a high school. He was a first year then and I was a fifth year finishing my undergrad, and so I saw all of A.J.'s new friends more than I ever saw my old ones because my old friends had moved on. (They went to Austin, Texas. They stayed at most three years and then relocated to either Los Angeles or the Pacific Northwest.)

I want to try to remember Victoria without resorting to her Instagram account. Back then, she took great pains to distinguish herself as a sophisticated New Englander. I see: high socks, long “piecey” hair, a face white-powdered to pore-less perfection. Perhaps because she was changing her life at twenty-eight and not at twenty-three, as other law students were, her look inclined toward the transformative, toward the gothic and the chic-severe. (Why am I describing her as a later-day Wednesday Addams? She was not a Wednesday Addams. She wore colors. She drank Pimm’s with grape fruit slices and soda water. We took day trips to places like Gary, Indiana, listening to Sam Amidon on the Camry’s stereo.) What I think is, she was alarmed and depressed to be at a “fourth-tier law school in the middle of an ugly corner in uglier Indiana,” and so rebelled against the smallness of her new life by having outsized opinions on luxury goods and fine foods and exotic locales. The worst was that no one knew what she was talking about. She felt this and compensated by hosting foreign film nights. She preferred “the scene,” knew of a scene (there was a music one close by, apparently, in Chicago), and she called herself, sometimes guffawing, a “scenester,” but also wanted us to know she was down with whatever. Just, whatever. She nettled everyone but mostly everyone pitied her, so on balance, her gloom and her snobbery were tolerated.

Victoria made mysterious, indelible gestures. Their performances were somehow less memorable than their obscure resonances, and those resonances affected us obscurely, too. An example. She once loaned A.J. a copy of A Wild Sheep Chase, wanting to hook him on Murakami. When he gave it back unread at the end of term, she insisted it was a replacement copy, that he had lost her original. “If I lost your book,” he told her flatly (and not at all to his credit), “I would not have bothered replacing it.” She said, “No, no—you would. And this is proof.” She told exasperated classmates that A.J. had lost her beloved Murakami paperback and tried to replace it with an exact copy, a conviction seemingly borrowed from the phantasmagorical worlds of Murakami. She used this as a wedge issue about trust, about fidelity. “You’re a coward who couldn’t tell me the truth,” she said, slipping comfortably into a Whit Stillman role. “You’re a deceiver.” To this day, A.J. accepts loaned books graciously while maintaining (not, I think, aloud), “If I lose this, I won’t replace it.” He has never replaced a book I loaned and then he re-loaned again, and there have been more than a dozen. Victoria gave him that.

Another example. When A.J. proposed to his wife, Victoria emailed soon after, advising against the marriage. Incredibly, she sent an email to A.J.’s fiancée too, her reasons for either party diametrically proposed. She was not certain A.J. harbored a strong enough attachment to commit to what she thought would be a lifelong and life-destroying folly. And to Tayler, she said that the two did not know each other enough; that, although they met and dated in high school, and all through college, had not found themselves as adults and might try living longer, in other relationships, before settling down. The emails were cruel, stupid, and strange. Their audience did the generous thing: blamed them on the performer's romantic illusions and then dismissed them as curiosities. Yet sometimes A.J. wishes he had kept his “receipts”—that he’d printed out Victoria’s appeals to him and Tayler, to have at hand such shining examples of sincerity. I’ve heard him rueful about it. “I’m not trying to be an asshole,” he’s said, “but I wish I had these things to point to and say, ‘Here is someone who believes she is doing the right thing.’” But all those emails are gone. The law school closed last year—rather spectacularly, given the coverage in the Times. He doesn’t even have an alumni vanity mailing address.

Victoria adopted this business about oil paints from someone else, her “friend who shows in Chelsea,” a factor that compounded  A.J.'s ire. “He uses exclusively, I think, Windsor and Newton,” she said. “Mixing from other labels creates inconsistencies, sometimes chemical clashes?” She opened the fridge and A.J., after scrubbing it with a towel, sat atop the counter. Bluish light came in through bay windows. The law students appeared not only chronically under-slept (they were) but also ethereal, and perhaps very ill. Victoria helped herself to milk. The cords in A.J.'s neck strained as he gazed at the ceiling, lips pursed, white-knuckling the countertop. Some of this was histrionics and some of this was my brother holding onto his sanity.

I said I didn’t I have a preference—or rather, I just didn’t think about it. I had inherited some desiccated oils from my grandma, raided other buttery leftovers from the art building, had bought cheap, thin student sets in the last full years of school—and I got by on what I had. I got by beautifully, actually, elbow-deep in half-tubes and tubes splayed open at the ends, and tubes coaxed open with needle-nose pliers. The mineral reek and vegetal reek from these paints necessitated full days of airing out the apartment. The solvents and extenders smelled of clove cigarettes smoked indoors. I left canvases to dry outside, where they collected tree fluff and tiny, delicate dead bugs. My images were neither hurt nor helped by these environmental additions. I said I was paying down student loan debt, and would practice brand loyalty when I was solvent again. Victoria said, “Oh, but you really should.” I thought to myself, perhaps for the first time, Why did my brother befriend this orphan?

“I really should,” I say to myself, most days on my drive. Wasn't there a performance art piece—a woman, saying 1,000 things she should do, into a tape-recorder? “I really should recycle. I really should call my mother. I really should pay my parking tickets.” I really should honor ritual and superstition, and my gut instincts. I really should read what I buy or at least attend more assiduously to reviews, so as to refrain from buying disappointments. I really should do my part to cut back on carbon emissions, clean the seas, and vote. Everything is in reach. The way Victoria said it—breezy, condescending, hopeful—is the way I hear most advice, particularly the advice I give myself: spoken in the tones of unconvincing conviction. I drank much less then (somehow), still I had a bottle of Bombay Sapphire at hand (somehow), and peered at Victoria and A.J. through its blue glass, tripling their blue-hued bodies. 

Much later I wrote a play where a character unhappy in love does the same thing. In the stage directions, the young man “goes to the wine cooler, pulls out a beautiful champagne magnum, studies it, puts it back and takes out another. Every bottle dazzles his countenance with jewel-like light—emerald and sapphire; amethyst and ruby; garnet and topaz lights, they sparkle across his bare chest and face as he inspects the bottles. He decides on a blue bottle of Prosecco, lavishly foiled, and brings it to his eyes like binoculars and for a moment considers his open hand, his surroundings, even his audience through the dark blue glass, and the stage glows beautifully blue, too. With great delicacy he unwraps and unwires the Prosecco, and uncorks it in a kitchen towel, and pours himself a glass. He drinks alone, picking at his phone, while the stage goes dark.” It was well past midnight in the second act. The kitchen was empty.

[reasonableapproximation]

Copying over a bunch of comments I made on reddit, about Elm.

("Anyone using Elm in production?")

My team is. I have mixed feelings, along the lines of "I'm not a fan, but I wouldn't be surprised if I liked all the other options less". Being able to integrate with Haskell is very nice.

I haven't been looking forward to this release, which removes native modules (i.e. makes it much harder to interop with JavaScript; ports still exist, but they don't compare). It also removes user-defined operators, which I think is a shame.

("What parts of Elm do you like most and less?")

They're not really "parts of Elm", but...

I really like autogenerating the API. If I change my backend types, my frontend won't compile until I change that too. We've had some bugs with this (mostly in Haskell libraries), but for the most part it works fantastically. I just wish Haskell's records were as nice as Elm's.

Oh, and the timetravel debugger is super great. You can step back through the history of your page state and see exactly where things went wrong.

My list of dislikes is longer, but I should clarify that my prior frontend experience was stuck in 2012. And, well, I'm still not entirely convinced that we shouldn't all just go back to JQuery; but I can't compare Elm to any of its actual competitors. Just to my expectations, which may not be realistic.

Most concretely, there's a lot of boilerplate. If I add a new page, or a new widget, I need to edit several different places to tell them about it. There's no way to use Elm widgets like regular HTML ones, so if I have a lot of them there's just line after line of "if a message for widget1 comes through, run the widget1 update function on the widget1 model, and update my own model with the new widget1 model and whatever else it returned. If a message for widget2 comes through, run the widget2 update function..." There's no way to generate a dropdown list from a union type that doesn't involve just listing all elements of the union (and no way for the compiler to verify that you've got them all).

Less concretely, there's something of an all-or-nothing vibe. If you're writing in Elm, then either you use Elm components or you put in a bunch of effort to make it work with Javascript components. And the ecosystem isn't mature enough to reliably have great Elm components[1]. (I don't really blame Elm for this, it was probably unavoidable when writing a new language, but it's a pain.) For a while, we were using style-elements, which does the same thing again, you use components specifically written for style-elements. (You can embed elm components, but it doesn't work very well. I do somewhat blame style-elements for this.)

For the most part, I like elm. But it has enough annoyances that I wish I was using something kind-of-similar, without really knowing if that thing could exist even in theory.

And least concretely, there's also a paternalistic vibe, which I get especially strongly from this new release. Native modules are dangerous, so they're forbidden[2]. (We've been using one for handling XSRF cookies, and we have no clue how we're going to handle that now. Most of our others will just be annoying to lose, we'll rewrite with ports or pure Elm. But "annoying for no good reason" is even more annoying.) Some people wrote silly custom operators, so they got taken away. Deeply-nested records are a bad idea, so nested record updates are left super ugly. I'd like to be treated like an adult.

[1]: And I feel like in Javascript, the equivalent components would be easier to beat with a stick until they work. Elm doesn't really let you do that, once an HTML node has been generated you can't edit it, not even to add event handlers. It either goes on the page or it doesn't. That's good for making things work reliably, but sometimes you just need an ugly hack. This is related to the paternalism thing. (Not that I claim it was a deliberate choice. But I don't imagine that if someone offered a PR to add that ability to Elm, that it would be accepted.)

[2]: Honestly, I think removing native modules is the main reason I wouldn't recommend Elm to someone right now. Elm is young, it doesn't do everything yet; and that's fine, it can't be expected to. But in 0.18 it had an escape hatch, and now it doesn't, and I don't trust it not to need one.

(I just now realised that those footnotes were visible on old reddit and my mobile app, but not new reddit. Wtf, reddit.)

Some things I wish I'd mentioned here: the lack of cookie support, more explicitly than I did. And we haven't done much error handling yet, but it looks like that's going to be boilerplate up the wazoo; I wouldn't be shocked if we need to decorate every single Http requst.

(rtfeldman: "We resolved [XSRF cookies] with a few lines of back-end code - hit me up on Elm Slack and I can talk you through it!")

Thanks, I'll get in touch tomorrow.

Um, but at the risk of sounding churlish - I'll say another thing I don't really like about Elm. I get the distinct impression that a lot of discussion happens on slack instead of in public forums (like reddit or stack overflow), making it somewhat inaccessible. And then a lot of the supplementary material seems to come in the form of videos, which are also somewhat inaccessible.

I assume this works for many people, maybe even better than the forums-and-blog-posts thing that I like. But for me personally, it's just a (minor) barrier.

Still, I do appreciate your offer. If we get something that works, I hope you don't mind if I share it outside of the slack?

Update: so rtfeldman's suggestion is, in a nutshell: follow the OWASP recommendations, and instead of using a double-submit cookie (our current approach), switch to custom request headers. Elm sends content-type automatically with Http.jsonBody, and setting another custom header is also really easy.

It's a good suggestion, and we're checking whether it works with our backend auth libraries. If it does work, it'll have other advantages. I'm grateful to rtfeldman for his time and expertise.

Still, I think it reflects poorly on Elm that we're considering changing our auth mechanism because Elm can't handle cookies (at least not in a way that's at all easy to work with, without a hack that's been taken away).

I just can't get over that cookie thing. I think the reason they're not supported is that Evan decided local storage is better. I do not want Evan to make these kinds of decisions for me.

Like, if I was contemplating picking up Elm, and someone told me it couldn't handle cookies, I wouldn't even bother investigating further. Even if I didn't expect to need cookies, what else is missing?

And as it turns out, cookies are the only thing we've found that we absolutely needed Native modules for. But I still think that's a sane reaction.

("Elm's records seem to just be Haskell records with lenses built in.")

Among other problems, Haskell makes it hard to have multiple record types with the same name, hard to have one record type which is a superset of another, and hard to write functions which accept "any record type with this field". Even accessing them is a pain, you need to import everything.

It's improving, but slowly. Meanwhile, elm records have none of those problems. They're not perfect (I'd love to have shorthand syntax for a general update function), but they're miles ahead of Haskell.

(It's possible that "Haskell with a lens library" compares more favorably, but I haven't tried. My team is making tentative explorations into generic-lens, but that's it.)

In my foray on the Slack, I got nosey and seached to see if there was discussion of my comment. There was only a little. Evan recommended against people engaging with me, which I find a little annoying but I think partly because I get the vibe from that of "dismissing a troll", which is probably unfair of me. There's also a place he could be coming from of "this guy is making valid points, but yeah, Elm isn't doing what he wants and arguing about it won't help".

One thing he did say was like, «I guess that guy didn't find my points about optimising the generated code compelling. [ascii shrug]». I didn't reply on reddit because it wasn't intended for me to see, but my response might be something like:

Well yeah, when you were talking about the generated code you said it was important that there was no Javascript in the ecosystem. I don't want Javascript in the ecosystem, I want Javascript in my own codebase, like it worked in 0.18. Maybe I misinterpreted what you mean by "ecosystem", but to me that means "the packages that get shared and distributed".

Are the new optimisations incompatible with native modules? The thought never occured to me, and your comment doesn't give me a clear answer. I suppose it's possible. (But then how do the whitelisted packages handle it?.)

(Why did the thought never occur to me? Because removing native modules was never, that I saw, justified with "enables optimisations". If that was given as the reason, I would honestly find it significantly less annoying. Because then it feels like you're making difficult tradeoffs, not like you're treating me like a child.)

Still, even in that case I feel like you have a bunch of options other than removing native modules. You can say "native modules or optimization, pick one". You can say "native modules work, but optimization might fuck with them, be careful." (And probably we can find some hacks that make it work fairly reliably.) You can say "native modules work, and here are some ways to get the optimizer not to fuck with them." One of those feels like approximately no dev work, another feels like literally none.

Or maybe those solutions are all DOA, I dunno. I don't even know if there's a problem for them to solve.

[hydrus]

Version 320

windows

zip

exe

os x

app

tar.gz

linux

tar.gz

source

tar.gz

I had a great week. The downloader overhaul is in its last act, and I've fixed and added some other neat stuff. There's also a neat hydrus-related project for advanced users to try out.

Late breaking edit: Looks like I have broken e621 queries that include the '/' character this week, like 'male/female'! Hold off on updating if you have these, or pause them and wait a week for me to fix it!

misc

I fixed an issue introduced in last week's new pipeline with new subs sometimes not parsing the first page of results properly. If you missed files you wanted in the first sync, please reset the affected subs' caches.

Due to an oversight, a mappings cache that I now take advantage of to speed up tag searches was missing an index that would speed it up even further. I've now added these indices--and your clients will spend a minute generating them on update--and most tag searches are now superfast! My IRL client was taking 1.6s to do the first step of finding 5000-file tag results, and now it does it in under 5ms! Indices!

The hyperlinks on the media viewer now use any custom browser launch path in options->files and trash.

downloader overhaul (easy)

I have now added gallery parsers for all the default sites hydrus supports out the box. Any regular download now entirely parses in the new system. With luck, you won't notice any difference, but let me know if you get any searches that terminate early or any other problems.

I have also written the new Gallery URL Generator (GUG) objects for everything, but I have not yet plugged these in. I am now on the precipice of switching this final legacy step over to the new system. This will be a big shift that will finally allow us to have new gallery 'seachers' for all kinds of new sites. I expect to do this next week.

When I do the GUG switch, anything that is supported by default in the client should switch over silently and automatically, but if you have added any new custom boorus, a small amount of additional work will be required on your end to get them working again. I will work with the other parser-creators in the community to make this as painless as possible, and there will be instructions in next week's release post. In any case, I expect to roll out nicer downloaders for the popular desired boorus (derpibooru, FA, etc...) as part of the normal upcoming update process, along with some other new additions like artstation and hopefully twitter username lookup.

In any case, watch this space! It's almost happening!

downloader overhaul (advanced)

So, all the GUGs are in place, and the dialog now saves. If you are interested in making some of your own, check what I've done. I'm going to swap out the legacy 'gallery identifier' object with GUGs this coming week, and fingers-crossed, it will mostly all just swap out no prob. I can update existing gallery identifiers to my new GUGs, which will automatically inherit the url classes and parsers I've already got in place, but custom boorus are too complicated for me to update completely automatically. I will try to auto-generate gallery and post url parsers, but users will need GUGs and url classes to get working again. I think the best solution is if we direct medium-level users to the parser github and have them link things together manually, and then follow-up with whatever 'easy import' object I come up with to bundle downloader-capability into a single object. And as I say above, I'll also fold in the more popular downloaders into some regular updates. I am open to discuss this more if you have ideas!

Furthermore, I've extended url classes this week to allow 'default' values for path components and query parameters. If that component or parameter is missing from a given URL, it will still be recognised as the URL class, but it will gain the default value during import normalisation. e.g. The kind of URL safebooru gives your browser when you type in a query:

https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&s=list&tags=contrapposto

Will be automatically populated with an initialising pid=0 parameter:

https://safebooru.org/index.php?page=post&pid=0&s=list&tags=contrapposto

This helps us with several "the site gives a blank page/index value for the first page, which I can't match to a paged URL that will then increment via the url class"-kind of problems. It will particularly help when I add drag-and-drop search--we want it so a user can type in a query in their browser, check it is good, and then DnD the URL the site gave them straight into hydrus and the page stuff will all get sorted behind the scenes without them having to think about it.

I've updated a bunch of the gallery url classes this week with these new defaults, so again, if you are interested, please check them out. The Hentai Foundry ones are interesting.

I've also improved some of the logic behind download sites' 'source url' pre-import file status checking. Now, if URL X at Site A provides a Source URL Y to Site B, and the file Y is mapped to also has a URL Z that fits the same url class as X, Y is now distrusted as a source (wew). This stops false positive source url recognition when the booru gives the same 'original' source url for multiple files (including alternate/edited files). e621 has particularly had several of these issues, and I am sure several others do as well. I've been tracking this issue with several people, so if you have been hit by this, please let me if and know this change fixes anything, particularly for new files going forward, which have yet to be 'tainted' by multiple incorrect known url mappings. I'll also be adding some 'just download the damned file' checkboxes to file import options as I have previously discussed.

A user on the discord helpfully submitted some code that adds an 'import cookies.txt' button to the review session cookies panels. This could be a real neat way to effect fake logins, where you just copy your browser's cookies, so please play with this and let me know how you get on. I had mixed success getting different styles of cookies.txt to import, so I would be interested in more information, and to know which sites work great at logging in this way, and which are bad, and which cookies.txt browser add-ons are best!

a web interface to the server

I have been talking for a bit with a user who has written a web interface to the hydrus server. He is a clever dude who has done some neat work, and his project is now ready for people to try out. If you are fairly experienced in hydrus and would like to experiment with a nice-looking computer- and phone-compatible web interface to the general file/tag mapping system hydrus uses, please check this out:

https://github.com/mserajnik/hydrusrvue

https://github.com/mserajnik/hydrusrv

https://github.com/mserajnik/hydrusrv-docker

In particular, check out the live demo and screenshots here:

https://github.com/mserajnik/hydrusrvue/#demo

Let him know how you like it! I expect to write proper, easier APIs in the coming years, which will allow projects like this to do all sorts of new and neat things.

full list

clients should now have objects for all default downloaders. everything should be prepped for the big switchover:

wrote gallery url generators for all the default downloaders and a couple more as well

wrote a gallery parser for deviant art--it also comes with an update to the DA url class because the meta 'next page' link on DA gallery pages is invalid wew!

wrote a gallery parser for hentai foundry, inkbunny, rule34hentai, moebooru (konachan, sakugabooru, yande.re), artstation, newgrounds, and pixiv artist galleries (static html)

added a gallery parser for sankaku

the artstation post url parser no longer fetches cover images

url classes can now support 'default' values for path components and query parameters! so, if your url might be missing a page=1 initialsation value due to user drag-and-drop, you can auto-add it in the normalisation step!

if the entered default does not match the rules of the component or parameter, it will be cleared back to none!

all appropriate default gallery url classes (which is most) now have these default values. all default gallery url classes will be overwritten on db update

three test 'search initialisation' url classes that attempted to fix this problem a different way will be deleted on update, if present

updated some other url classes

when checking source urls during the pre-download import status check, the client will now distrust parsed source urls if the files they seem to refer to also have other urls of the same url class as the file import object being actioned (basically, this is some logic that tries to detect bad source url attribution, where multiple files on a booru (typically including alternate edits) are all source-url'd back to a single original)

gallery page parsing now discounts parsed 'next page' urls that are the same as the page that fetched them (some gallery end-points link themselves as the next page, wew)

json parsing formulae that are set to parse all 'list' items will now also parse all dictionary entries if faced with a dict instead!

added new stop-gap 'stop checking' logic in subscription syncing for certain low-gallery-count edge-cases

fixed an issue where (typically new) subscriptions were bugging out trying to figure a default stop_reason on certain page results

fixed an unusual listctrl delete item index-tracking error that would sometimes cause exceptions on the 'try to link url stuff together' button press and maybe some other places

thanks to a submission from user prkc on the discord, we now have 'import cookies.txt' buttons on the review sessions panels! if you are interested in 'manual' logins through browser-cookie-copying, please give this a go and let me know which kinds of cookies.txt do and do not work, and how your different site cookie-copy-login tests work in hydrus.

the mappings cache tables now have some new indices that speed up certain kinds of tag search significantly. db update will spend a minute or two generating these indices for existing users

advanced mode users will discover a fun new entry on the help menu

the hyperlinks on the media viewer hover window and a couple of other places are now a custom control that uses any custom browser launch path in options->files and trash

fixed an issue where certain canvas edge-case media clearing events could be caught incorrectly by the manage tags dialog and its subsidiary panels

think I fixed an issue where a client left with a dialog open could sometimes run into trouble later trying to show an idle time maintenance modal popup and give a 'C++ assertion IsRunning()' exception and end up locking the client's ui

manage parsers dialog will now autosort after an add event

the gug panels now normalise example urls

improved some misc service error handling

rewrote some url parsing to stop forcing '+'->' ' in our urls' query texts

fixed some bad error handling for matplotlib import

misc fixes

next week

The big GUG overhaul is the main thing. The button where you select which site to download from will seem only to get some slightly different labels, but in truth a whole big pipeline behind that button needs to be shifted over to the new system. GUGs are actually pretty simple, so I hope this will only take one week, but we'll see!

[thecoroutfitters]

Written by Guest Contributor on The Prepper Journal.

Editor’s Note: Tis’ the Season after all. This is a Guest contribution from Red J in the true Christmas spirit.

Gifts aplenty for the everyone!

  For the Non-Preppers:

A small portable water filter is a dual-purpose item that could be used by hikers or campers, as well as the obvious use for survivalists.  Water purification tablets are an alternative.

A multitool is something that many people would find handy.

If the person loves to read, a prepping novel may be a good introduction to the prepping world without being pushy.  This could also lead to a discussion of why prepping may be wise when the person reads it.  The novel, One Second After, by William R. Forstchen, has opened the eyes of several people I know.

A book on securing one’s home is an option.  How to Defend Your Family and Home: Outsmart an Invader, Secure Your Home, Prevent a Burglary and Protect Your Loved Ones from Any Threat Paperback, by Dave Young, an ex-Marine and law enforcement officer, is an affordable book that’s very highly rated on Amazon.

Practical gifts include a fire extinguisher or flashlight and extra batteries.  A headlamp is an alternative to a flashlight.

A 5-gallon bucket with some of your favorite survival foods that will last long term, would be a good gift for someone open to prepping, but who has not taken this step yet.

A first-aid kit – believe it or not, some homes do not have a first-aid kit.  Those not interested in prepping would see this as a practical gift that could save a trip to the store when a simple medical emergency arrives.  You could give a first aid book instead.

If you know someone who commutes to work, consider putting together a small kit for their vehicle trunk, with items like a small flashlight, two 12 ounce water bottles (perhaps with a few drops of bleach, if you explain that it helps keeps the water safe for a while), a few trail mix bars or protein bars, a cap and gloves (especially for those in colder climates), a lighter and/or matches, a candle or two, a jackknife, and perhaps a pepper spray (“Just in case you need to defend yourself.”)  When I got engaged to my wife, my future mother-in-law gave me a similar kit which I saw as very thoughtful and practical.

Essential oils have become popular in recent years.  If you know someone who has a specific medical issue, you may be able to find and give essential oils for that specific health condition.

For Preppers:

This seems tougher to choose an appropriate gift because there is such as wide spectrum of preppers in various stages and prepared for different kinds of emergencies.  A gift card to a farm-home store or garden supply center in your area would be appreciated.  If you’re truly stumped for ideas that would be appropriate for the prepper on your list, a gift card to Walmart or Amazon could be useful for anyone.

An appropriate book is an option.  Not long ago, I gave a copy of How to Survive the End of the World as We Know It, by James Wesley Rawles, to an experienced prepper who appreciated the wide variety of possible scenarios described in that book.  If you can spend more on a book, When Technology Fails: A Manual for Self-Reliance, Sustainability, and Surviving the Long Emergency, by Matthew Stein is a treasure trove still available on Amazon.

  Another idea is to get a county road map, drive around the area of the one whom you plan to give it to, and add creeks, ponds, railroad tracks, and other landmarks in their area.  If your recipient lives near a county line, get a map for the neighboring county too.  You can find county maps at your Chamber of Commerce, online, your US State Department of Transportation, or a retail store. Matching sweaters, not so much.

Of course The Prepper Journal already has some ideas for the prepper who has all the necessities.  Think non-electronic entertainment options such as puzzles, board games, or books (the paper kind, not eBooks).  When our daughter came home from college, she introduced us to the board game Settlers of Catan which our family has enjoyed.

When You Don’t Have Much Money for a Gift:

If you don’t have much money for a gift, you could teach them a skill.  Look at your skills.  If you have skills in sewing, carpentry, woodworking, plumbing, public speaking, teaching, writing, first aid, or other skills, be assured that some need these skills around their home or small business.  You could offer to use your skill(s) to help them, or teach them how to do it, for a few hours, and your offer would be appreciated.

For example, you could offer to help them start a small garden, perhaps in a few containers if they live in an apartment.  This would be especially appreciated by those who like fresh, healthy food.

If you can teach, you can offer to tutor someone’s child or grandchild.

If you’re gifted in shooting, give a beginning shooter a homemade coupon for a personal lesson at the range.

Do you have a prepping-related book that you do not use anymore?  If so, it may be something that another prepper could find helpful.

  If you know a prepper who needs another source of water, could you offer to help them set up a rainwater collection system?  Or repair their existing system if it’s aging and in need of some tender loving care?

Another idea is to print an article from ThePrepperJournal.com to give, along with your offer to help them make progress on it.  For example, a family with young children could use help developing an emergency fire plan with home fire safety. If your friend depends on wood to heat their home in the winter, maybe something in this article, Safely Chopping Firewood could help them cut wood more efficiently, or you could offer to cut some wood for them.

Making a gift for someone is an old tradition that has become occasional but can be very personal.  One time, a friend wrote a poem for me about the situation that I was facing at that time, and it was one of the most personal gifts I have ever received.

I believe that the giving and receiving of gifts adds joy to our lives and enriches our relationships in the holiday season.  The Good Book says that God loves a cheerful giver.  May your giving reflect the joy and peace of this festive season.  Finally, remember that your relationships with people are more important than things.

Editors Note: Andrew McGuigan sent us a set of the cards and we found it a good teaching tools for preteens. Here is their statement:

BUG OUT BAG is a card game created by Andrew McGuigan, under the name ‘BAZCARDS.’

Now available to buy at https://www.thegamecrafter.com/games/bug-out-bag

BAZCARDZ games are for players of all ages and aim to be both fun and tactical, with elements of information and learning. BUG OUT BAG focuses on one area of disaster prepping, which is often a necessity in parts of the world with extreme weather and natural hazards. We hope that this game can be a fun introduction to further survival education.

    The post    Prepper Gifts for the Holidays appeared first on The Prepper Journal.

from The Prepper Journal Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. How prepared are you for emergencies? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

[jaredkleinmanisanerd]

ROAD TRIP AU (made with the help of @nonbinaryevanhansen, @thisiswhatmylifeamountsto, @dr-evn-hnsn, and other bros from the DEH discord chat)

The Gang™ decides to have a road trip--one last big hurrah--before they go their separate ways to their respective jobs/graduate programs. 

Alana is in charge of planning because she doesn’t mind phone calls, can be trusted to not spend more than they’ve budgeted, and is generally more responsible than the rest. She has a spreadsheet with every aspect of the trip planned--right down to what rest stops they can stop at for people to stretch their legs or use the restroom. She has a color coded binder containing the menus of the restaurants they’re going to eat at, the brochures for the tourist destinations they’re stopping at, and the receipts for all of their reservations; she also has a copy of the itinerary for everyone. Two copies for Jared because...he’s Jared.

 Zoe is the deejay. While she’s procrastinating from studying for finals, because Zoe has senioritis even though she’s not even technically in her last year of college yet, she makes dozens of playlists that are specific for every different road trip mood. One is named “For When Connor Starts Being an Asshole and We Need to Drown Him Out” and another is aptly titled “Weird Tree Noises to Calm Evan Down.” She’s the only one allowed to use the aux chord and she has to keep a close eye on it because Jared’s constantly looking for an opportunity to rick roll the caravan.

Connor is the driver. Not because he’s a particularly good driver, but because he’s pulled enough all nighters in his day that he doesn’t mind driving through the night as Alana requires for some parts of the trip. Even when he gets sleepy, he just has to put on Zoe’s “Please Don’t Fall Asleep at the Wheel and Kill Us All” mix and he’s good to go for another six hours. When Jared tries to call shotgun, Connor tells him “if I have to sit beside you all day, I’m going to drive us off a bridge.”

Evan gets shotgun. He spends most of the time playing eye spy with Connor-- “I spy with my little eye something green” “Evan could you please pick something that isn’t a tree for the love of God”--or reading wikipedia articles on the various trees they come across. He doles out the caprisuns and individual bags of doritos and lays potato chips that they stock up on whenever they find a Wal-Mart that’s reasonably close to the interstate. When they make stops, he’s the one wearing the fanny pack with the tiny fan, travel-sized sunscreen, bug spray wipes, and extra bandaids in it.

Jared is...well, Jared. He’s relegated to the back seat with Alana and Zoe and he’s bored as hell. Alana spends their car time going over the itinerary and reading guide books and Zoe alternates between staring out the window while listening to music on her phone and playing Candy Crush on her phone. Jared tries to help her out by telling her what to do, but she mostly ignores him, much to his distress. At one point, he swipes her phone because “Zoe you’ve been at it for an hour this is getting embarrassing” and nearly gets mauled by Zoe in her attempts to get her phone back. Alana is the only thing between him and certain death at that point. He also smuggles a lot of contraband snacks on board in his backpack and suitcase and refuses to share despite having more chips and soda than any single person could/should consume. 

They end up using Jared’s minivan because it’s the only vehicle they have among them that’ll fit them all. Evan spends the week before the trip helping his friend wash the caked on dirt off the outside of the vehicle and clear out the many discarded fast food wrappers littering the car floor. Connor tags along and does nothing besides throw trash at Jared and write “wash me pls god” on the back of the window before Jared can hose it down.

In all honesty, Jared has a lot riding on this trip. All of his friends are going off to do new and better things and all he’s got on the horizon is some boring IT job in the hell that is corporate America. Plus, he knows that if someone’s going to be left out of the friend group, it’s him. Connor and Evan have been a thing since their senior year of high school and they dropped the on-again, off-again bullshit back in sophomore year of college. Zoe and Alana are definitely a thing, he thinks, even if he hasn’t seen them kiss or hold hands. If they aren’t together yet, it’s only a matter of time. And Zoe and Connor are siblings, so they’re stuck with each other. Jared’s the odd man out. Like always. So this is the last time he’s going to be an integral part of the friend group, and there’s no way he’s going to waste it.

At their first hotel stop, Jared spots a sign behind the front desk when he’s checking in with Alana (because Connor and Zoe kicked him out of the car while they went to find a parking spot with Evan) that says that the maximum occupancy for each room is four people. Alana makes them sneak up in groups--her and Zoe first, then Connor and Evan, and finally Jared bringing up the rear, all by his lonesome. He asks Alana what her plan is if someone comes to check on them and kick someone out because “they have security cameras, you know.” Alana informs him that they’ll just hide him under the bed and, when he asks why it has to be him, Zoe pipes in with “because if we were going to make someone sleep in the car, Jared, it would be you.” So Jared just sleeps under one of the beds, acting like he’s taking the joke too far, but in reality, he’d rather be stuck under the bed Connor and Evan are sharing than be in the car all night by himself.

At one of the gas stations, Connor, being the dick that Connor is, has everyone load up and leave without Jared. Alana and Zoe don’t realize he’s gone until they’ve been driving for thirty minutes. Evan had been napping since before they stopped at the gas station. They return to find Jared surrounded by empty and unopened chip bags and cans of Mountain Dew. He flips off Connor when he starts laughing, yelling “joke’s on you, asshole, I used your credit card!” Connor says having Jared out of his hair for an hour was the best eighty dollars he’s ever spent.

Alana forces them to stay at a campground for one of their stops because the nearby hotels were too expensive and they have a big tent and a small, one-person tent. Jared is (obviously) sent to sleep in the one-person tent by himself. He drags it as close as he can get it to the big tent, periodically scratching on the outside of the big tent throughout the night to freak them out, which ends in Evan not being able to sleep and Connor yelling at him. Not exactly the outcome he was hoping for. The next night, he slips into the big tent when everyone’s asleep, burrowing himself into the warm space between Connor and Evan.

Connor wakes up to find half of Jared on him and half of Jared on Evan. Feeling pissed that a) Jared climbed on Evan without asking Evan’s permission despite knowing how Evan gets when people touch him a lot and b) Jared’s snoring woke him up from some of the best sleep he’s gotten on the trip so far, Connor carries Jared out of the tent and dumps him on the other side of the camp fire before returning to the tent to cuddle with his boyfriend.

That’s the last straw for Jared. It’s obvious that none of his so-called friends want him there, and he’s not the type of guy to stick around when he’s clearly not wanted, so he gets the idea to walk back to civilization and catch a bus back home. Alana, Zoe, and Evan are freaking out when they wake up to find Jared missing--Alana’s two seconds away from dialing 911 and Evan’s about to have a panic attack--so Connor promises to find Jared and ends up driving slowly beside him on the interstate, trying to convince Jared to come back to camp with him.

Jared eventually agrees to come back to camp and they all have to have a serious discussion about what’s been going on. Jared acts like an asshole for a while, saying that he knows when he’s not welcome and it’s not like he wants to be stuck with any of them either, but eventually admits that he feels unappreciated and like everyone’s going to abandon him once the trip is over. Everyone assures them that that’s not the case--even Connor, although that takes more than a few bony elbows thrown his way by Evan and Zoe. 

The trip continues on with everyone being a bit nicer to Jared. Well, everyone except Connor, but Connor is even a dick to Evan, so Jared didn’t expect much from him. Connor threatens to throw him off a cliff at the Grand Canyon and nearly drowns him in one of the pools at the hotel’s they’re staying at. The fact that Jared doesn’t actually come to any bodily harm is probably Connor’s attempt at appreciating Jared more.

At one of the hotels that has a whole freakin’ water park in it, Zoe and Evan go in the lazy river together, floating beside each other in their inner tubes, holding onto each other’s handles so they don’t get split up. Alana is swimming laps in one of the pools while Connor and Jared fight over who gets to go down a water slide first, terrifying the nearby children and annoying the hell out of the aforementioned children’s parents. Jared slips and ends up taking Connor down the slide with him and, of course at that exact moment Evan and Zoe are coming around the bend of the lazy river and see the boys sliding down together. Zoe cups her hands around her mouth and yells “GAY” while Evan laughs so hard he nearly capsizes.

That hotel decides to actually enforce the rule about there being only four people to each room, so Jared is stuck sleeping in the car. Evan shows up right before Jared’s about to fall asleep, a few towels and extra sheets in hand. They put down the backseat and make up a little bed, using the towels as pillows and the sheets as, well, sheets and share a package of cookies Jared swiped from one of Zoe’s bags before she went inside. They’re watching the Bee Movie on Evan’s phone when Connor shows up, scaring the hell out of them when he knocks on the window, face obscured by his hoodie.

Jared’s about to give up his backseat nest with Evan to the two lovebirds when Connor shoves Jared over so he’s squished between the two of them, claiming the rest of the cookies and offering nothing but sarcastic commentary in return. Jared’s a little confused about the whole thing, but he’s not about to pass up a redo of what he’d attempted back when they were camping, especially when Connor and Evan are two (conscious) willing cuddle buddies. 

They have a Serious Talk in the morning and things just kind of go from there. Jared wasn’t expecting to get one (1) boyfriend on this trip, let alone two. He’s a little afraid that things are going to be awkward at first, but that fear goes right away when Evan and Connor join Alana and Zoe in ganging up on him the next day, attacking him with pool noodles until a manager or someone comes out and tells them they have to stop because they’re disrupting the other guests.

It’s not long after that when Alana sends the three of them off to an arcade at one of their stops, thrusting a twenty dollar bill at them and telling them to stay away for at least four hours. Jared and Connor are out the door before she can even finish her sentence, but Evan stays behind knowing what’s coming.

“It’s going to go great, ’Lana. Don’t worry.”

“I know.”

“Mmhm. Well, good luck.”

Meaningful shoulder touch. “Thanks, Evan.”

Evan continues to send his encouragement as Alana leads Zoe to a tiny hole-in-the-wall restaurant that she exhaustively researched many months prior, claiming them the best table that she reserved back in January. The restaurant doesn’t even take reservations, but Alana managed to sweet talk them into make an exception for this momentous occasion.

She asks Zoe to be her girlfriend between performances by amateur artists because it’s open mic night, and Alana couldn’t have planned that extra perfect touch that gives the night if she tried.

Zoe says yes, of course. Was Alana even worried?

Alana shows her (new!) girlfriend the plethora of texts Evan’s been sending her, telling her that everything’s going to be a-okay, that Zoe’s going to say yes, that they’re going to make an adorable couple. There’s also a few “pls hurry up and save me from these two, they’re competing over a claw game now” and a picture of the unicorn stuffie Jared won him, which make them laugh.

As much as they love Evan, they take their sweet time finishing dinner.

The road trip continues as plan without a hitch. Well, much of a hitch. Evan has a panic attack at one of the stops and locks himself in the bathroom. While Jared, Connor, and Zoe try to coax him out, Alana goes to get the manager and has him open the door with his key, rescuing Evan from the bathroom and helping him back to the minivan, telling him that he’s okay, everything’s okay, and offering him water. Evan apologizes for making them fall behind, but Alana tell him it’s fine, the schedule can wait.

The schedule only waits for Evan and Zoe though, so Alana makes up for lost time by forcing Jared to forego peeing at a rest stop and yelling at Connor to run red lights and go off road when they’re stuck in traffic. She even pesters a museum tour guide to hurry up to try to make up a few minutes.

Everyone’s exhausted when they get back. Jared, Connor, and Evan all pile into Evan’s bed, barely saying hi to Heidi and handing over the bag of souvenirs Evan’s been accumulating for her before they’re down for the count. Alana and Zoe don’t even make it to Zoe’s bed--Connor finds them passed out on the couch of Connor and Zoe’s shared apartment the next morning.

While the gang doesn’t split up--not in the next year, not in the next five years, not ever--the trip was one of the last times all of them were able to spend an extended amount of time together. Even Connor smiles when they flip through the scrapbook Alana and Evan made, filled with ticket stubs and awkward pictures from the trip, including one of Jared when Zoe and Connor drew dicks all over his face in Sharpie. Whether he smiles because the trip was one of the best times of his life or because it was one of the few times he’s gotten to draw dicks on his boyfriend’s face is unknown, but Jared and Evan prefer to believe its the former. It is the trip that (finally) got them together after all.

But Connor is a dick, so it’s probably the latter.

[houseofvans]

Sketchy Behavior | Hellen Jo 

Never afraid to speak and/or draw her mind, Los Angeles based artist and illustrator, Hellen Jo and her characters can be described as rough, vulgar, tough, jaded, powerful, bratty and bad-ass - AKA her own brand of femininity. Known for her comic Jin & Jam, and her work as an illustrator and storyboard artist for shows such as Steven Universe and Regular Show, Hellen’s rebellious, and sometimes grotesque artwork and illustrations are redefining Asian American women and women of color in comics. In fact, that’s why Hellen Jo was a must-interviewee for our latest Sketchy Behavior where we talk to her about her love of comics and zines, her antiheroines, and redefining what Asian American women identity is or can be; and what her ultimate dream project realized would be.  

Tell folks a little about yourself.  So is it Helllen with three “l”’s? Mainly because your IG handle and website has a whole lot of extra “l”’s? 

Haha my actual name is Hellen with two L’s.  All my emails and urls contain a different number of L’s to confuse everyone. My grandfather took my American name from the Catholic saint, but he spelled it wrong, and now I share the same name as the mythological progenitor of the Greek people. But I like it better than my Korean name, which literally means, “graceful water lily” HAHAHA. I am an illustrator-slash-painter-slash-I-don’t-know-what living and working in Los Angeles.

Let’s talk about your early childhood / background. I read you’re from San Jose, CA and both your folks were professors, which is really cool!!   How did you end up making art instead of teaching a room full of students about Hotel Management or Medieval History? Just curious where you got your “creative bug” and what early comics, arts, and/or influences led you down the road to becoming an artist?

I grew up in South San Jose, and yes, both of my parents are professors, of finance and of applied linguistics.  A lot of my extended family are professors too, so I grew up parroting their desire for academia, but really, I started drawing when I was a wee babe, and I’ve always wanted to be a cartoonist. When I was really young, my parents drew for fun, really rarely; my dad could draw the shit out of fish and dogs, and my mom painted these really beautiful watercolor still lifes.  I was fascinated, and I’d spend all my time drawing on stacks and stacks of dot matrix paper by myself.  My parents also had a few art books around the house, and I remember staring so hard at a book of Modigliani nudes that my eyes burned holes through the pages.

What was the first comics you came across?

The first comics I ever got were translated mangas that were given to me by relatives when we’d visit Korea.  I remember getting Candy Candy, a flowery glittery shojo manga for girls, and I was mesmerized by all the sparkly romance and starry huge eyes.  I was also enthralled by Ranma ½, a gender bending teen manga that was equal parts cute art, cuss words, and shit too sexy for a kid my age.  However, I was mostly thrilled that I could understand the stories with really minimal Korean reading skills, thus cementing a forever love of comics.  In junior high and high school, I read a mix of newspaper strips and some limited manga, and I was enthralled with MTV cartoons “Daria” and “Aeon Flux”, but I wasn’t exposed to zines or graphic novels until I moved to Berkeley for college.

Did you have a first comic shop you haunted? What did you fill your comic art hunger with?

Being a super sheltered teen with not-great social skills, I was lonely my first semester, so I would lurk at Cody’s Books and Comic Relief every single day after classes.  I read the entirety of Xaime Hernandez’s Love & Rockets volume, The Death of Speedy one afternoon at Cody’s, and it literally made me high; I was so hooked.  I amassed some massive credit card debt buying and reading as many amazing comics as I could those first (and only) couple years of school: all of Los Bros Hernandez’s Love & Rockets, Dan Clowes’ Eightball, Julie Doucet’s Dirty Plotte comics, Peter Bagge’s Hate series, Chris Ware’s Jimmy Corrigan, Charles Burns’ Black Hole, Taiyo Matsumoto’s Black and White, Junji Ito’s Tomie and Uzumaki volumes… I could not believe the scope and breadth of the alternative comics genre, and the stories were so insanely good; they literally mesmerized me. I was so obsessed; I even skulked around the tiny comics section at UC Berkeley’s Moffitt Library in search of books I hadn’t read, and amid the fifty volumes of Doonesbury strips, some sick university librarian had included an early English translation of the Suehiro Maruo collection, Ultra Gash Inferno.  That book blew my tiny mind about a hundred times; it’s totally fucked up erotic-grotesque horror porn, but the art is unbelievably beautiful.  I read that entire thing sitting on the floor in the aisle, feverishly praying to God to forgive my sins after I finished the book, because I was way too ashamed to check it out of the library.

How about zines? I imagine a comic devouring ….

I devoured zines at a nearly equally fervent pace, including those by Aaron Cometbus, Al Burian (Burn Collector), Doris, John Pham, Jason Shiga, Lark Pien, Mimi Thi Nguyen, etc. I had never seen a zine before in my life, and suddenly, I was living in a town full of zinesters.  I was drowning in inspiration.  I tried to copy the art and writing of everything I read, and I spent a lot of my time making band flyers, trying to pass off zines as suitable replacements for term papers (this worked just once), and making monthly auto-bio comics for a few student publications. Eventually, I dropped out of school, then dropped out of school again, and I made my first published comic, Jin & Jam; then it all became real.

What was your early works like? and how did these become fodder for your self-published stuff later?  What about your own experiences did you feel needed to be expressed in your own comics and artwork?

As a kid I was mostly copying sparkly girl manga and Sailor Moon stickers, and I don’t think I’ve really strayed all that far from that. My first few zines were cutesy autobiographical comics about crushes and falling asleep at the library; incredibly dull stuff.  I made a super fun split comic/ep with this band I loved, The Clarendon Hills, but after that point, I was tired of drawing cute, goofy shit.

I had also really been obsessed with Korean ghost horror movies in high school, and I wanted to make comics that reflected more of that kind of coming-of-age violence and rage, so I made a couple standalone horror comics, Paralysis and Blister.  These were longer than anything I’d ever done (forty to fifty pages each), and I felt like I was finally figuring out how to write interesting stories.  I eventually dropped out of school and made Jin & Jam, based a bit on growing up in San Jose and on other kids I had grown up with. 

At the time, there were still relatively few Asian American women in comics, and I was tired of whatever hyper-cute, yellow-fever, Japanified shit we were being pigeon-holed into, so I reacted by writing and drawing vulgar girls who started fights and didn’t give a fuck.  I went to art school for a few semesters, got better at drawing people, and went on to draw nothing but mean bad girl ne'erdowells.  I’d never been a very strong or defiant personality outwardly, but I’ve always been a pretty big fuckin bitch on the inside, and I just wanted to draw how I feel, in the most sincere way possible. And naturally, over the years, as I continued to develop this attitude in my art, I was able to express it better in person as well.  Self-actualization through making comics!

For folks who don’t read comics, can you explain why they are SO AMAZING and moving to you!  What about the format, art and overall genre makes them so great and not just your typical “funnies.”

I truly believe that comics are the greatest narrative format and art medium of all time!  They are completely full of potential; you can draw and write whatever the hell you can think of, there are no real rules, and you as author and artist can create a deep and intimate experience for your reader.  You can bare your vulnerabilities or yell at the world or create a visual masterpiece or inform people, visually and narratively.  I don’t even believe that good art makes good comics; writing is king, and the art should really serve to further the story.  Some of the worst comics I’ve ever seen had the most amazing art, and some of the greatest comics I’ve loved have the plainest, most naive, even ugly visuals, but those authors were able to finesse a symbiotic relationship between the text and the images to tell a compelling story.  People are already so drawn to images, so it makes sense to me that they can enhance a reader’s literary experience so much.

I read that Taiyo Matsumoto is one of your all time inspirations.  Most folks probably don’t know much about this master of comics, heck my knowledge is limited, so what makes his work speak to you so much?  Perhaps it’ll encourage folks to venture into a new world of art exploration through visual comics.

Taiyo Matsumoto is the all time master of coming-of-age comics. I worship at his altar, for real. He is a Japanese artist, so technically his work is manga, but his masterful storytelling and singular visuals are so different from most manga, beyond categorization.  He writes quiet, powerful stories about boys, girls, and teens who live in uncaring worlds surrounded by unfeeling adults, but they rise to these challenges and thrive in spite of themselves.  The characters feel deeply, and the reader can’t help but ache and rage and celebrate just as fully. The drawings are beautiful and sensitive, with rough, loose artwork consisting of scratchy lines and cinematically composed shots.

What were some of your first memories with his work?  

I remember buying the first two Pulp volumes of Black and White (also published as Tekkonkinkreet) at Comic Relief, reading them both at home that day, and then, covered in tears, literally *running* back that evening to buy the last volume before the store closed.  I probably cried a dozen times while reading it; it’s a story about two orphan boys who protect each other in a neo-Vegas-like city of vice, but the characters were so brutal and brilliant and poignant.  I had never read anything like that before, and it literally made me sick that, at the time, none of his other works were available in English.  Eventually, I figured out that he was more widely published in Korea, so on every family trip, I’d run away from my folks for a day and buy as many of his books as I could carry back to the US. I made my way, slowly, through the Korean translations of Hana-otoko, Ping Pong (another incredible favorite!), and Zero. A beautiful collection of short stories, Blue Spring, was published in English, and then VIZ began translating the series No. 5, but they abruptly stopped mid-series due to low book sales.  I was so starved for his work that at that point, I’d ebay his art books and comics only available in Japanese and just stare at them. Eventually, Black and White was made into the anime film, Tekkonkinkreet, and Ping Pong was made into an anime mini-series, and his rise in popularity ensured a wider English availability of his work.  His current series, Sunny, is being translated and published here, and every volume breaks my heart a million times.  

I’m sorry, this just turned into a gushy, gross fan fest, but Matsumoto’s books really changed my entire perspective on how comics can be written and paced, how characters can be developed fully, and how important comics really are to me.  I love them so much!!!!!

You’ve worked in so many cool fields such as a storyboard artist and designer, and on various cartoons, such as Steven Universe.  For folks who are interested in those fields, what can you tell folks about that?  I’m sure like most artists, you’d rather be spending those long hours working on your own personal art, so how do you balance them? How did you move from a comic artist to working as a storyboarding artist?

I stopped working in animation about a year and a half ago, but the transition from indie comics to storyboarding was rough one, for me.  I got into storyboarding at a time when a lot of kids’ animation networks were starting to hire outside the pool of animation school graduates and reach into the scummy ponds of comics.  In my case, the creator of Regular Show, JG Quintel, had bought some of my comics at San Diego Comic-Con from my publisher, and he offered me a storyboard revisionist test.  

Some cartoonists, like my partner Calvin Wong, were able to transition wonderfully; cartoonists and board artists are both visual storytellers, and once they’d learn the ropes, many of them thrived and succeeded.  I can’t say the same for myself; I have major time management issues, I draw and write incredibly slowly, and going from working completely alone to pitching and revising stories with directors and showrunners was just a real shock to my system.  For most of my time at Cartoon Network and FOX ADHD, I wasn’t able to do much personal work, but I crammed it in where I could.  

Storyboarding also requires a lot of late nights and crazy work hours, to meet pitch deadlines and to rewrite and redraw large portions of your board. I just couldn’t deal. I lost a lot of weight, more of my hair fell out, and the extreme stress of the job put my undiagnosed diabetes into overdrive (stress makes your liver pump out sugar like crazy, look it up, people!)  I realized that this industry was not meant for lard lads like me, and when the opportunity came to stop, I did. I could never figure out the balance between my job and my personal work, and I finally chose the latter.  Now I’m trying to figure out the balance between making personal work and surviving, but I’ve yet to crack that nut either!

From your art I get a sense of rebellion and angst, how did this morph into an outlet through comics, cartoons, and illustration?  Some aspects of your work that are so cool is the fact that your characters are female and women of color and in a completely new way.  Asian characters definitely get stereotype in art and comics, so when did you consciously start to create these awesome antiheroines and redefine what Asian/Asian American women/girl identity is or can be?

A lot of the seething rage bubbling behind my eyes has been simmering there since childhood, and a very large portion of that anger comes directly from all the racism and sexism I’ve experienced as a child and adult. I’ve been treated patronizingly by boys and men who expect an Asian girl to be frail, demure, receptive, and soft-spoken. I’ve experienced yellow fever from dudes who are clearly more interested in my slanted eyes and sideways cunt than in whatever it is I have to say.  Even in comics and illustration, people constantly tell me I must be influenced by Japanese woodblock print (pray tell, where in the holy fuck does that come from???), or they’ll look at a painting I’ve done of a girl bleeding from her mouth and dismiss my work as “cute”.  I despise this complete lack of respect, for me and for Asian American women in general, and I’ve made it my life mission to depict my girls as I would prefer to be seen: fucking angry, violent, mean, dirty and gross, unapproachable, tough, jaded, ugly, powerful, and completely apathetic to you and your shit.  Any rebellion and angst in my work comes directly from my own anger, and in my opinion, it makes that shit way better.  Girls and women of color get so little respect in real life, so why not “be the change I want to see” in my drawings?  

I think I was always aware of this lack of respect, and the “othering” of Asian American women, but once I got to college and learned to put a name to the racism and xenophobia and sexism and fetishism that we experience, my heart burst into angry flames, and it exploded into all of my art.  I’ve never been able to hold that back, and I’m not interested in doing so, ever.

Talk about your process and mediums and process.  Are you a night owl or an early bird artist?  Do you have stacks of in-progress works or are you a one and down drawing person?  Do you jot down notes or are you a sketch book person.

I am a paper and pencil artist all the way; I do work digitally sometimes, to make gifs or to storyboard, but I hate drawing and coloring on the computer. I’m terrible at it!  I draw everything in pencil first, erasing a hundred thousand times along the way toward a good drawing. For my paintings, I’ll then ink with brush pen and paint with watercolor, all on coldpress Arches.  For comics, I ink with whatever, brush pen or fountain pen, or leave the pencil, usually on bristol board.  I’ve also been keeping sketchbooks more recently (never really maintained the habit before), where I like to doodle fountain pen and color with Copic markers.  In sketchbooks, I’ll slap post-its on mistakes, a trick I learned from paper storyboarding on Regular Show.

I am a total night owl and a hermit; I have to be really isolated to get anything done, but at the same time, being so alone makes me crave social interaction in quick, fiery bursts.  I’ll go on social rampages for a week at a time, and then jump back into my hidey hole and stay hidden for months, avoiding everyone.  It’s not a very productive or healthy way to be, but it’s how I’ve always been.

I have great difficulty trying to juggle multiple tasks; I tend to devote all my mental energy and focus into whatever I’m working on at the time, so I need to complete each piece before I can do anything else.  It’s an incredibly inefficient, time-wasting way of making art, but it’s also the only way I can produce drawings that I am satisfied with.

If we were to bust into your workspace or studio, what would we find? and what would you not want us to find?

You’d find an unshowered me, drawing in my underwear, which coincidentally is also what I do not want you to find!

You’d also find a room half made into workspace (more below), and half taken over by boxes of t-shirts and sweatshirts (I do all my own mailorder fulfillment, like an idiot!)  I also like to surround myself with junk I find inspiring, so the walls are covered in prints and originals by some of my favorite artists, a bookshelf along the back wall is filled with about a third of my favorite comics and books and zines, and every available non-work surface (including desk, wall shelves, and bulletin boards) are covered in vintage toys, dice, tchotchkes, bottles, lighters and folding knives, weird dolls and figurines, a variety of fake cigarettes (I have a collection…)

Work-space wise, I have two long desks placed along a wall; the left desk has my computer and Cintiq, as well as my ancient laptop. Underneath and to the side of this desk are my large-format Epson scanner, fancy-ass Epson giclee printer, and a Brother double-sided laser printer.  The right desk has a cutting mat, an adjustable drawing surface, and a hundred million pens and half my supplies/crafts hoard.  I have a giant guillotine paper cutter for zines underneath this desk.  I’ve got two closets filled with button making supplies, additional supplies/crafts hoard, and all kinds of watercolor paper, bristol paper, and mailing envelopes are crammed into every shelf, alcove, gap.  This room has five lamps because I need my eyes to burn when I’m working.  Also, everything is covered in stickers because I am obsessed with stickers.

What is something you’d like to see happen more often if at all in the contemporary art world?  How’s the LA art scene holding up? Whaddya think?

As an artist who adores comics, I have a deep affection for low-brow mediums getting high-art and high-literary respect.  Not that a comic needs to be shown in a gallery to be a valid art form, but I am so excited that comics that used to be considered fringe or underground are gaining traction as important works of art and literature.  I wish this upward trajectory would continue forever, until everyone understands the love I feel for comics, but who knows what the future holds: the New York Times just recently stopped publishing their Graphic Novel Best Seller lists, and I think it’s a damn shame.

The LA art scene is really interesting to me, because it embraces both hi and lo brow work so readily; fancy pants galleries that make catalogues and sell to art dealers have openings right alongside pop-art stores that sell zines and comics, and I enjoy having access to both.  I will say that I think LA galleries are a bit oversaturated with art shows devoted to television and pop culture fan art; yeah, I get that you loooooooove that crazy 70s cult classic sci-fi series and you want to draw Mulder and Scully and Boba Fett in sexual repose for the rest of your life, but I’m more excited about seeing new and original work from everyone. I know you have something to say, and I want to see it.

Mostly, I’d obviously love to see more women of color making art and making comics; we’ve come a long way since I started making zines in 2002, and there are some incredible WOC cartoonists making amazing work right now, but we need more more MORE!  

What would be your ultimate dream project?  What is something you haven’t tried and would love to give it a go at?  Dream collaborations?

My ultimate dream project is the Great American Graphic Novel, but I am so shit at finishing anything that I have not been able to even approach this terrifying prospect.  But I figure I have until the day of my death to make something, so … one step at a time?

As far as something I’ve never tried, I’ve been recently interested in site-specific installation; I’ve always been a drawer for print, confined to the desk, and I’m in awe of cartoonists and illustrators who have transitioned to other forms of visual media, whether it be video, sculpture, performance, whatever.  I know my personality tends toward repeating the same motions forever and ever, and I hope I can break out of that and make something really different and challenging for myself.  I also secretly want to make music but I am the shittiest guitarist ever so maybe it’s better for the world that I don’t!

The dreamiest collaboration I can think of is to illustrate a skate deck for any sick-ass teen girl or woman skater.  Seriously, if any board companies wanna make this happen, EMAIL ME

Give us your top 5 of your current favorite comic artists as well as your top 5 artists in general.

Top 5 Current Favorite Comic Artists:

1. Jonny Negron 2. Jillian Tamaki 3. Michael DeForge 4. Ines Estrada 5. Anna Haifisch

Top 5 Artists of All Time

1. Taiyo Matsumoto 2. Xaime Hernandez 3. David Shrigley 4. Julie Doucet 5. Daniel Clowes

What are your favorite style of VANS?  And how would you describe your own personal style?

My favorite VANS are the all-black Authentic Lo Pros, although I have a soft spot for my first pair of Cara Beth Burnsides in high school (they were so ugly and I never skated, but I loved them).  

My personal style can be described as aging colorblind tomboy who dresses herself in the dark; my favorite outfit is a black hoodie with black denim shorts and black socks and black sneakers.

What do you have planned for this 2017? New shows? New published works?

I’ve got two group shows with some of my favorite artists in the works; I’m so excited but I can’t share any details yet. I’ve also been writing a new comic, but don’t believe it til ya see it!

Best bit of advice and worse advice in regards to art?

Best Advice: Never be satisfied; always challenge yourself to make your art better than everything you’ve done previously.

Worst Advice: Make comics as a stepping stone towards getting a job in animation.  When people do this, you can smell the stink of insincerity a mile away.  Fuck you, comics are a beautiful medium, and every shitty asshole who does this, I hate your guts!

Follow Hellen Jo

Website: http://helllllen.org Shop: http://helllllen.bigcartel.com Instagram: @helllllenjjjjjo 

Images courtesy of the artist

[postgamecontent]

The Summer of Adventure: Legend of Mana

Original Release Date: July 15, 1999 (JPN)

Original Hardware: Sony PlayStation

Although the various installments of the Final Fantasy series differ from each other in many ways, you can get the general sense that it knows what its fans are looking for. The same can be said for the SaGa series, Square's next most-prolific series. By contrast, the Mana series has always seemed a bit confused. With 25 years behind it and several games in the line, the Mana brand is one of Square's most well-known and longest-running. At the same time, it seems to have been stuck with a really tricky problem that it has never quite been able to resolve. It has a lot of fans who really couldn't be clearer about what they'd like to see from a new Mana game, a creator who seemed to be torn between his own ideas and trying to make the fans happy, and a whole lot of empty space between the two. I'm not sure if Legend of Mana is the best example of that divide, but it was certainly where it started to become apparent.

I've touched lightly on the topic before when I wrote up Secret of Evermore, but let's talk a little bit about the history of the Mana series leading up to this game. The first game in the series was a labeled spin-off of the Final Fantasy series in both Japan and internationally. Seiken Densetsu: Final Fantasy Gaiden (dubbed Final Fantasy Adventure in the United States and Mystic Quest in Europe) was a fairly straightforward action-RPG for the Nintendo Game Boy. It took a few cues from Falcom and a few cues from The Legend of Zelda, and the result was a surprisingly fun game. Sure, it had some nasty hangnails in its design, but the game was short and sweet enough to forgive any unscripted accidents along the way. If you want to try it out, there's a moderately straight remake of the game available on mobile and PlayStation Vita under the title Adventures of Mana that mostly just updates the presentation.

Though the game released in 1991, it had been on the mind of its creator for a while. As early as 1987, in fact. Koichi Ishii presented his first idea for the game that year, but Square rejected it, choosing to focus on their new Final Fantasy series instead. After spending a few years making vital contributions to the first three games in that series, Ishii was able to get his game approved as a spin-off, and the healthy sales gave him the chance to continue. The next game dropped the Final Fantasy connection and went with the name Seiken Densetsu 2. It was released in Japan on the Super Famicom in August of 1993, given a brisk localization into English, and sent out in the West only a few months later under the title Secret of Mana. The game had a rather difficult development, as it was originally planned for the aborted SNES CD add-on. When that device was canceled, Square asked the team to get the game going on a regular cartridge at any cost. The team ended up cutting out about 40% of the planned content, which included things like branching paths and multiple endings. Secret of Mana also suffers from a number of bugs that are likely related to its sudden format shift.

While the game wasn't as Ishii had envisioned it, Secret of Mana was a huge success. It sold 1.5 million copies in Japan, and a respectable 300,000 copies overseas. Perhaps more importantly, people adored the game. The variety of weapons, interesting locations, easy-to-understand combat system, and riotously enjoyable multiplayer made for a near-instant classic. And here, I think, is where we can spot the first signs of the eventual divide. I suspect that from Ishii's view, the game was successful in spite of the cuts, while I strongly believe that it may have been successful because of them. Koichi Ishii frequently worked together with SaGa series creator Akitoshi Kawazu, and I've always felt they had a similar philosophy with regards to game design. While many designers strive to cut away excess fat from their designs, Kawazu and Ishii seem to revel in adding as much complexity and as many gameplay systems as they can fit. I think they do that for different reasons, but the results can look awfully similar at times.

Seiken Densetsu 3 is best known in the West as the one that got away. I've heard plenty of reasons that reasonably explain why, but in the absence of hard facts, all we can really say is that the follow-up to Secret of Mana never got an official English release in spite of strong demand. I think this is a critical component of the later reaction to Legend of Mana, to be honest. While in screenshots the game appeared to be very similar to Secret of Mana, Ishii was able to get a lot closer to his design goals with Seiken Densetsu 3. There are six playable characters to choose from, each with their own weapon and magic specialties. Each character has access to two different classes, and a calendar function was included that had multiple effects on the game. Naturally, the game also came loaded with a ton of slightly different storylines and endings based on who you choose as your main character and supporting party members. Despite its ambitions, on a purely mechanical level Seiken Densetsu 3 played similarly to the previous game in the series, however.

Missing out on this game put Western fans of the series on the defensive. I can't lie, I was among those who felt extremely upset that Square didn't bring Seiken 3 over. At the time, I didn't really understand the market realities. I just knew there was something I wanted and I believed they were keeping it from me. There was always some hope that Square would change their minds. Even today, people are willing to believe that Square will finally translate the game as part of the Nintendo Switch Seiken Densetsu Collection. For many fans, though, the writing was on the wall after the Super NES's time in the market had passed. Mana die-hards then looked to the next game in the series, hoping Square would decide differently about localizing it. Given their affiliations at the time, it wasn't hard to guess the game would be designed for the Sony PlayStation, and Square did indeed decide to release it overseas. Those who had been pining for another game along the lines of Secret of Mana were in for a shock, however.

Up until Legend of Mana, Koichi Ishi had been mostly working on the series with Hiromichi Tanaka. The two had worked together on a number of Final Fantasy games, and Tanaka served as the producer and, in the case of Seiken 3, director of the Mana games. When it came time to do the next Mana game, however, Tanaka was waist-deep in projects of his own design such as Xenogears and Chrono Cross. This time, Ishi would have someone different as a producer, and you can spot his fingerprints all over Legend of Mana. Akitoshi Kawazu worked as a producer on many of Square game's from this era forward, but it is said that he had a bigger effect on this game than usual. I suspect he encouraged Ishi's natural tendencies more than anything else. Also joining the Mana series for the first time was one of Chrono Trigger's directors, Akihiko Matsui. These three men were just coming off of a project together, the experimental SaGa Frontier, and it's clear that project had some influence on Legend of Mana.

Legend of Mana was one of those games that seemed to pop out of nowhere just before its release. Square announced it in March of 1999. The game would be on the store shelves in Japan just four months later, riding a surprisingly strong marketing effort that saw the game packaged with a demo disc containing short playable snippets from Vagrant Story, Threads of Fate, Front Mission 3, and the highly-anticipated Chrono Cross. While the game didn't sell anywhere near the numbers that Secret of Mana had, it did quite well in Japan, selling over 700,000 copies, and was generally well-received. The overseas release the following year wouldn't benefit from a packed-in demo disc, but Square did make an effort to push the game through the Summer of Adventure promotion. As the first release of the three games included in that promotion, it's arguable that it may indeed have benefited the most from it. Sales got off to a good start, but Legend of Mana had to overcome an obstacle that Secret of Mana didn't have to: mixed reviews.

While reviews were mostly positive, scores were lower than you might have expected. Even the reviews that praised it made a point of how different it was from the previous games in the series, however. An already-wary fanbase ended up being split by the game's direction, and I'm sorry to say that I fell in with those who opted to pass on the game. At the time, my finances were tight, and I was trying to save money for a PlayStation 2. My Summer of Adventure had gotten an early start with Vagrant Story, and with only enough cash for one more game from the selection, I naturally chose to buy Chrono Cross. By the time I had extra money, I had heard enough negative things about that game that I never did get around to playing it. That means that the playthrough I did for this article was my very first experience with Legend of Mana.

I'm actually glad that I waited, though. Knowing my tastes and sensibilities at the time, I probably would have written Legend of Mana off quickly. This game is a real oddball, and it doesn't seem to care much for the conventions of the previous games in the series or of its contemporaries in the genre. If I didn't have prior knowledge, I likely wouldn't be able to correctly guess when it was made, because it seems forward-thinking in a lot of surprising ways. It is very much its own game, and I'm not terribly shocked that it ended up as a "love it or hate it" affair. While it has its share of bad points, I suspect the game's biggest crime in the eyes of Secret of Mana fans is in how different it is from what you would expect from the name. The series would only go in stranger directions from here, mind you, resulting in games that were less "love it or hate it" and more "no thank you" than anything else. Square still keeps the name in play, but Koichi Ishii has long since left. In 2007, he took the role of president and CEO of Grezzo, where he continues to work on games to this day.

I can't speak to where Ishii's thinking was at in the later Mana games, but having finally filled my personal gap in the series by playing Legend, I can say that there's a certain heart to this game that is lacking in games like Children of Mana. Every little piece of Legend of Mana feels like a personal expression, and the overall experience feels like it was made without any regard or care for how marketable it was. Only a few years earlier, Square had given the Western market the kick in the pants it needed to finally go all in on JRPGs via Final Fantasy 7. I have my issues with that game, but it's built to please, especially early on. Clear goals, hand-holding a-plenty, and non-stop action sequences fill out the first several hours of the game to ensure the player is hooked. Legend of Mana is nearly the opposite. Your initial goals are extremely vague. The game only gives you the barest of hints about what you should be doing, and even once you figure that out, action is hardly guaranteed. Sometimes the game wants to stop and slowly tell you a silly or heartfelt story. You won't always get to hit something, in other words, and that was a rare trait for action-RPGs of this period.

Many people in the West simply didn't know what to do with Legend of Mana, and you can see it by reading reviews from around its launch. In the Japanese market, some of the SaGa games flirted with a similar structure, but it feels like Western JRPG fans didn't really have the vocabulary yet to process it. Looking at it with 2017 eyes, however, the game seems ridiculously forward-thinking. For example, instead of having a long, continuously-flowing overarching story, Legend of Mana opts for 67 smaller quests. Each one is introduced with a title card, and when it has been resolved, it closes with an ending card. These quests can run anywhere from five minutes to a couple of hours to resolve, and while not all of them are critical to the main story that eventually forms, each and every one of them helps flesh out the game world and its inhabitants.

Now, it's certainly natural for RPGs to have a variety of quests and sub-quests, but the way Legend of Mana presented them was new and seen as bizarre or disjointed. Several years later, Capcom's Monster Hunter would popularize this structural style. We can now see it in many handheld and mobile RPGs, as slicing up the quests that way allows the player to spend a little time on the game, solve a quest or two, and still feel like they had a satisfying experience with some closure. In other words, it's quite normal now. I have to wonder if the people who felt the game was hurt by this set-up would feel differently today? In my case, I was a little shocked by the first set of title cards, but only because I wasn't expecting that kind of thing in a game of this vintage.

The way its world is set up feels ahead of its time, too. Though I have to admit, the marketing was a little bit deceitful about this part of the game. Basically, as you clear objectives and solve quests, you'll be given special items that can be used on the map to spawn a new location. That new location will contain new quests, which will give you more items to spawn further locations, and so on. You can place these locations wherever you like on the map, but apart from a mild effect on the magic system, there's no reason to place any location in a particular spot. The locations have no effect on each other, and you travel between them on the abstract map screen, so it's not like you're really building a world the way the marketing copy tries to sell it. Perhaps it's best to think of it as a standard progression-based stage system with a bit of non-linearity thrown in. The structure calls to mind a lot of modern social RPGs and handheld games where the budget doesn't allow for a giant interconnected overworld.

Like many of those games, your character works from a hub-like home area that can be cultivated and improved by collecting goodies and using them. The purpose of these improvements is to give you an edge in battles, generally. That's unfortunate, because I'm not sure that you really need an edge in battles. Rather than offering the free flow battles of the previous games, Legend of Mana's combat set-up is similar to that of Chrono Trigger. If enemies block your way, you'll pull out your weapon and go into a separate combat mode. From here, it's like a mix of the previous Mana games and a belt-scrolling brawler like Streets of Rage. Fights are fairly brainless in this game, and you don't even really need to pay a lot of attention to your character build to win. Just stand slightly below the enemy and hack away with your weapon of choice. That should lead to victory, and even when it leads to defeat, the game kindly allows you to continue from the start of the battle.

The battle system is one of the weaker points of the game. Combat isn't bad, per se, but it is tedious, unavoidable, and virtually mindless. The lightweight difficulty takes away from the practical value of many of the game's sub-systems. On a purely mechanical level, Legend of Mana doesn't really come together all that well. Vestigial sub-systems and lukewarm combat are only part of the problem from a design standpoint. There are also a lot of easily-missable things in the game, some of which will already be long gone before you even realize you were supposed to do them. Even when you're aware of certain things that you need to do, unexpected circumstances can prevent you from doing them.

The Cactus Reports are a particularly egregious example. You can talk to the Li'l Cactus in your home after each quest is finished and he'll make a little journal entry that you can read. It's one of the only ways the game tracks your quests. Unfortunately, you can only make a report on the most-recently completed quest, so if you finish another quest before you talk to the Li'l Cactus, you've missed your chance to complete the entry for the prior quest. That's strict enough, but there are times when certain events are forced on you, making it impossible to report to the Li'l Cactus before completing another quest. You have to tread very carefully if you want to fill out your quest log on one playthrough.

So yes, plenty of scabs to pick at here. And yet, there's something about Legend of Mana that makes me want to forgive its faults and love it anyway. I think the game would be better if the sub-systems had more practical value, but I also think it's fine for them to exist as things to do all on their own. The opacity of the game is bewildering at first, but the game is extremely forgiving in most ways, so you can actually enjoy the process of discovery rather than stress about it. The combat could use a tune-up, but I would almost be fine with the game not having any combat at all, strangely enough. In the end, the only thing that truly annoys me in Legend of Mana is the way the quest log works. Being able to miss entries isn't great, and I wish there was a way to review which quests you've already started. In its current form, the game requires a very methodical approach that seems to run counter to the spirit of the rest of it.

See, what I think Legend of Mana is really about is building a world. While your character is the driver of that reconstruction, your presence in the story more often than not feels like that of an observer. You're initiating things, to be sure, but from there, you largely watch them play out on their own. As each quest is checked off, you gain a little more understanding about this world, and perhaps more importantly, the characters that inhabit it. The main plotlines (there are three of them) get the greatest focus, but the side quests do a great job of adding layers thick and thin to the various people you meet. Characters who stood at the center of one quest might be bit players or cameos in others, but in doing that, the game makes this world feel more believable. Of course the strange people you met in the desert have day jobs. Why wouldn't they? I think it's through this carefully cultivated world-building that Legend of Mana finds its magic. This is a place where you want to spend your time. It's not the best obstacle course in the mechanical sense because it's a living setting that doesn't necessarily structure itself around the needs of a video game.

Coming into this, I didn't expect to love Legend of Mana. And had I played it at the wrong moment in my life, I don't think I would have. But after finishing it up, all I want to do is dive back into its world. I want there to be more side quests. I want there to be more odd conversations. I wish there were more to wring out of this wonderful little sponge. Legend of Mana is a terrible sequel to Secret of Mana, but it makes up for it by being, in many ways, a more interesting and enjoyable experience. If nothing else, it's a true testament to the amazingly creative era of Square prior to its financial difficulties that led to the Enix merger. Definitely worth a good chew.

Next: Threads of Fate

If you enjoyed reading this article and can’t wait to get more, consider subscribing to the Post Game Content Patreon. Just $1/month gets you early access to articles like this one, along with my undying thanks.

[nintedu-blog]

You can browse your robot phone’s texts on your Mack or laptop.

Android users currently have two new ways that to browse and write their text messages on their larger screens – one from Google and also the alternative from Microsoft.

That’s associate degree choice that i Phone users have enjoyed since 2012’s catamount unleash brought Apple’s i Message system to Macs. except for years, Google’s smartphone package had no account that wanting employing a Google Voice variety rather than your regular wireless digits.

Google began rolling out a much better choice this summer once it introduced an internet version of the Messages texting app it ships for robot 5.0 and newer releases. (If your robot phone includes a special texting app, like Samsung’s, you’ll have to be compelled to switch from that to Google’s.) to undertake that out, open Messages, faucet its menu button, and choose “Messages for net.”

In your computer’s copy of Chrome, Safari, Mozilla Firefox or Microsoft Edge, visit messages.android.com. Then obtain your phone and faucet the “Scan QR code” button within the Messages app and purpose its camera at the code thereon net page; during a few moments, you ought to see your texts pop thereon page.

Photos, however, don’t seem with constant consistency as my correspondents’ words and emojis.

You can originated multiple computers for this access, however just one is active at a time. Your phone additionally must be on-line for this messages-to-Web link to remain up.

More: Upgrading however don't desire to spring for associate degree i Phone? you have got lots of nice robot choices

More: a way to originated your new phone for i OS and robot -- and find accustomed Apple's X series i Phones

Microsoft's providing

Microsoft has been touting its own thought of phone-to-PC messages in Windows 10’s Oct 2018 update – however since it had the american that unleash to quash some bugs before resuming that rollout in Gregorian calendar month, several Win ten users have nonetheless to visualize it.

In this setup, you put in Microsoft’s Your Phone app on your laptop – although engineered into the Oct update, you'll be able to transfer it for April’s Win ten unleash – and on your robot device, provided it runs the 7.0 or newer unleash of Google’s package.

Open that robot app, sign up to your Microsoft account in it, and follow its prompts to combine it along with your laptop. They’ll embrace letter of invitation for permission to browse and write your text messages; this robot app basically acts as a foreign management for your usual texting app.

Your Phone will not show footage connected to texts (although it does allow you to browse your mobile device’s own photos and screenshots), and it shows solely your most up-to-date messages. Like Google’s Messages, it additionally permits just one phone-to-computer pairing at a time.

But it’s easier than Microsoft’s earlier methodology for golf stroke your texts on your laptop, an advanced system that needed more steps to line up.

Things to contemplate

Both Google and Microsoft’s efforts come short of the mixing Apple offers with   i Message – to not mention Apple’s end-to-end cryptography. however as a result of they leave your wireless carrier within the loop rather than routing around it as Apple will, they additionally shouldn’t incur the danger that change to the incorrect phone can leave friends’ texts disappearing, a typical grievance of i Message users.

Note that every one of those systems leave personal correspondence in additional places. And if you employ text messages as a two-step verification methodology, they raise the danger of a laptop computer thievery resulting in the compromise of your accounts.

But the larger risk there's in all probability of associate degree assaulter persuading your carrier to port your variety to them. The fix for that isn’t to confine your texts to your phone, however to change to a Google Voice variety or associate degree app-based two-step system like Google appraiser that can’t be hacked by someone line up your carrier’s client line and pretence to be you.

[bedlamgames]

Q&A #15

So glad, so very glad I stopped doing this individually and rather as a collection.

Lots and lots under the break

Anonymous: In the assignment "A Word in your Ear" it says: You may choose to assign a slave instead of the second slaver on this assignment. You may choose to go as either position but the second may lead to repercussions. But how do I choose the pc to go as a slave?

By going in the second position. 

Anonymous: xfto here, found something too, multiple cases of agg agg, slt slt, very amusing human noble who s educated and a thug, after hidden temple assignment my pc slaver got wounded and never healed back, was not able to select him for new tasks

That should be fixed in 0.702.

Anonymous: xfto again for some q&a stuff: on your biomancy update in the future, will the PC be able to learn and improve biomancy even if he hasnt picked it as trait in the creation? will there be an option where you can choose to enhance or shrink everything( like creating flatchests for special slave deliveries?) will there be more interaction wiith the chosen trait M:illusion? compared to hypn and corrupt? will there be options in the future to purge certain traits? will there be an option for slavers

This text limit. Gah. Anyway, adding to the Shadowmaster malarchy, there's a typo in the "Assignment Traits" selection screen - the right window (where you select perks) still lists "Desolators - 7 points - etc etc, whereas its counterpart in the left window lists "Depraved (requires Corrupter) etc etc."

Hmm tricky one, for now I’d say you’d probably need it at the start but don’t hold me to that. Yes. Absolutely yes. Also yes. And thanks for the spot. 

Anonymous: Bug report - The High Elf Shadowmaster "quick start," that is to say, starting the game by accepting the default standard perks, appears to return a total null as far as perks are concerned. The random name generation sticks but you start with no traits/abilities. Additionally, this "null state" is compounded if you pick something else prior, say, the Drow bard default, restart, then pick the Shadowmaster default - you end up with the drow name and traits

Anonymous: On 701: When starting a new game and selecting a female high elf shadowmaster, the protrait isn't shown. Examine doesn't work correctly either.

Thanks and that’s now sorted in the hotfix.

Anonymous: I'm curious, how exactly do you acquire "tier 2" traits? For example, I have a infiltrator I'd like to "upgrade" to Exceptional Beauty. Is there any way to do this? Biomancy doesn't seem to be affecting it (or I have abysmal luck) and I can't imagine Hypnotic would help in this regard. Additionally, is there a trait cap of sorts? And if so, how does it function for tier 2 upgrades, assuming it's possible. If the cap is, say, 5, and I already have 5, is upgrading even possible?

That will be possible when the assignment chain happens that will allow you to upgrade biomancy to unlock the extra options. There’s a loose trait cap based on whether it’s you, what rank the slaver is and whether they’ve had certain negative traits on them and so on.

Anonymous: ....will there be an option for slavers or the player character to use biomancy or corruption magic on each other? will we be able to send a brothel like caravan out to the farms and towns we have met via the emissary? can we actually get the ability to fly after we got decoration-wings via corruption? possible in the future? more stuff to buy for the player character in cutprice roses? like beasts for beastmaster,fleet or fly?

Yes. I’d not thought of that but you will now. Probably not through corruption but there will be two player character races who can fly. Buyable beasts is a nice idea, probably be via a different assignment though. Already got when roughly worked out that will have a chance to unlock fleet. 

Anonymous: will there be more clothes/armors/wearables in the future? will there be more possibilities to sell slaves in the future? will you post some kind of roadmap for the next month? thats enough for now, hope i didnt hit too hard with all this, maybe theres even a good idea between all these questions, your doing a great job on this game, i love your work^^

Not for awhile I’d guess as it’s currently pretty comprehensive. Feel free to make suggestions if you think something's missing. Probably. Next update I’m aiming to be a much smaller faster one which will involve scenarios giving different ways and challenges to play. Not a problem and thank you!

Anonymous: Love your work, new update is great. If it counts for anything, I'd like to voice my support for more potions being added soon. Hypnotizing my own slavers is easily one of my favorite parts of the game, but unfortunately there isnt too much to gain from doing it right now. Potions to change and corrupt them further sounds absolutely amazing. Maybe even an option to force them to agree to biomancy? 1/2

2/2. Related to that, and it may just be me but, would it be possible for the text that displays when you successfully hypnotize someone to be expanded and somewhat re-flavored to be more overtly sexual? So instead of just implanting triggers, you are also taking sexual advantage of them while they are under? Like I said, may just be me, hypnosis is kinda my thing.

Forcing them to agree to biomancy is definitely on the cards along with lots of lovely potions. Hypnosis is great yeah. What I’ll probably do is make it a two step process so you place the trigger and then you exploit the trigger to get them to submit to you.

Anonymous: Random male characters are ending up with average breasts either before or after using the restart

Good spot, will check it out.

Anonymous: I don't get it if your enslaved as a dominator wouldn't your captur know that and take precautions? also to copy another anon whorelocks when.

Yeah I see where you’re coming from I need to expand on the whole losing your encampment process. I’m glad to see people are still interested :)

Anonymous: Heya, quick bug report for 7.02: - alchemist using a forge seems a bit odd'The alchemist Ugra Blacktaker spent most of the day working at their forge' - i cant seem to see where the lack of slaves message was changed, still have a mix of slaves but some slavers just refuse to be happy :( - it would be nice if there was a few cheaper traits that cost odd numbers of points, seem to often get a situation where i have 1 point left over and it niggles at me ^.^ keep up the great work!

Thanks for the spot and will check it out. The physical traits currently do have odd numbers. 

[dropswisdom]

Minix Neo U22-XJ is Minix’s latest (and blazing fast!) Amlogic based Android TV Box! Based on Amlogic’s most powerful S922-XJ SoC, you can now expect great HDR support as well as Dolby Vision straight out of the box.

  What’s in the Box?



U22-XJ comes in the standard classy box embossed with the logos of supported standards such as 4k, HDR, Dolby and so on. Inside we find the TV Box itself encased in soft nylon and laid in a caveat inside a cardboard cover. After we lift that cover we find all the peripherals – HDMI 2.1 cable, USB-OTG cable and, of course, the DC power adapter (with multiple power plug adapters), removable antenna, IR remote control and the Setup guide. U22-XJ itself uses the standard black minix matte plastic box with its plethora of ports (see details bellow)

  U22-XJ Looks

Minix box design remains the same over the years. If I had to venture a guess, it is to reduce cost and use the same basic box design for all of Minix’s Android/Windows product lines. At most, extra ports need to be embedded into the box, but the classic black plastic shell is the same.

U22 Top

U22 Front

U22 Back

U22 Right

U22 Bottom

U22 Left

U22-XJ PCB Top without heatsink. Curtesy of Minix & Trebor from Freaktab Forum

U22-XJ PCB Bottom. Curtesy of Minix & Trebor from Freaktab Forum

U22-XJ Open Box showing PCB with heatsink. Curtesy of Minix & Trebor from Freaktab Forum

Here are the items that come in the box: WiFi antenna, HDMI 2.1 cable, User Guide, IR Remote, Power adapter, Power plug adapters, and a USB-OTG cable.

Minix Neo U22-XJ Items

Minix Neo U22-XJ Home Screen

  U22-XJ Specifications

Chipset Amlogic S922XJ Quad Core Cortex-A73 + Dual Core Cortex A53 Processor (64-bit) GPU Mali-G52 MP4 Memory / Storage 4 GB (LPDDR4 3200 MHz) / 32GB eMMC 5.1 flash, microSD card slot LAN Yes, RJ-45, 1Gbit / s Wireless 802.11ac 2.4GHz / 5GHz WiFi (2 × 2 MIMO) Bluetooth Bluetooth 4.1 + EDR OS Android 9.0 Pie Video Output HDMI 2.1 output up to 4Kp60 with HDR10, HDR10+, Dolby Vision support Audio Output / Input HDMI 2.1, Optical S/PDIF, 3.5mm audio jack Power 5VDC/3A via power jack Peripheral Interface RJ-45 Gigabit Ethernet Micro SD card reader, Kensington Lock ready USB 3.0 port x 3, USB-C port x 1 (data only) 3.5mm audio jack, IR receiver (remote included) Packing Included power adapter, OTG-USB Cable, HDMI Cable, MINIX IR remote control, and a user manual Dimensions 128mm x 128mm x 28 mm

  U22-XJ Benchmarks and Testing

All benchmarks have been repeated 3 times and results have been averaged to give a more accurate reading:

Antutu Benchmark

The Antutu benchmark tests single core performance over multi-core as it is a better indication of the performance of one device over others in most situations. Minix U22-XJ performs amazingly, and is placed number 1 in the list of TV boxes (and one tablet) reviewed. It is also worth noting that Minix U22-XJ is placed above any other Amlogic based box on the list.

Bellow is a screenshot of the latest Antutu benchmark (I have not tested other boxes with this new version, so there is no comparison graph as yet):

    GPU Mark Benchmark

[easy-image-collage id=28444]

GPU Mark tests 3d gaming performance and also provides a normalized score according to the used screen resolution (for a more accurate result). The test is quite short and should be taken as a supporting result to that of the more serious 3D Mark benchmark. Minix U22-XJ performs very well here, placing it second only to the top contender (a powerful tablet) – it’s S922-XJ chipset placing it higher than all TV Boxes reviewed so far.

    A1 SD Benchmark

[easy-image-collage id=28447]

A1 SD Benchmark tests RAM and flash memory speeds. As can be seen in the provided graphs, RAM is much faster (by a factor of about 40) than flash memory – that is why it’s in smaller amount and is also volatile (does not keep its contents after a reboot). Minix U22-XJ achieved 2th place in the RAM Copy Speed test, placing it only under the powerful tablet. In the storage Read/Write testing, Minix U22-XJ takes 2nd place again, this time only behind a Realtek based box.

    PC Mark Benchmark

The PC Mark benchmark tests run several productivity tests, but sadly, results page comes up empty, and freezes the application.

  3D Mark Benchmark

Slingshot

Slingshot Extreme

3D Mark benchmark is considered as one of the best ways to test 3d performance on Android (and other platforms). Minix U22-XJ is officially compatible with only these two tests: Slingshot, and Slingshot Extreme (which results are also showing above). But using an older APK of 3dmark, I was able to run the older “Ice Storm Unlimited” test and get quantifiable results (with the new version on the android play store, you can run the test, but the result comes out as “Max”). As can be seen, this new generation of Amlogic chipsets opens a wide gap ahead of everything I tested before it..

    U22-XJ Extra Benchmarks

For some more information, see the following screenshots from other benchmarks such as Basemark, Vellamo, Passmark, and GFXBench:

CPUMark

DiskMark

PassMark

    U22-XJ Bugs and Issues

Restarting the box causes loss of picture on screen. Must unplug and re-plug HDMI cable to restore.

PCMark Work 2.0 benchmark will not show results at end of testing

After shutting down box from remote, sometimes unable to turn it back on from remote, and must use the physical power button. Then must unplug and re-plug HDMI cable to restore picture as in issue above

Built-in Root function only works per session (while the device is running, and reverts to non-root after a restart). Also does not play well with SuperSU root permission management app, as when you try to update the SU binary, it will brick the U22-XJ box. Also, the root switch stay “ON” after a restart, even though root functionality is not active.

John from Minix assures me that at least some of these aforementioned issues (especially the loss of picture) will be corrected in upcoming firmware updates.

  U22-XJ Root function

Minix seems to have done away with the unofficial (which requires some know-how and may cause box bricking) methods for rooting their new boxes. Instead, you get a nice menu option for turning Root “ON” or “OFF”.

But.. it is far from perfect. Instead of turning it on and expecting it to stay on after reboot, this root is only per session. Meaning, after reboot the U22-XJ is no longer rooted. On top of that, the switch option itself still remains as “ON”, even though the root is not active. To allow root status again, you’ll need to turn it “OFF”, and then back “ON”. That’s tedious, and really unnecessary.

On top of that, this is a permission-less root. So there is no “SuperSU” or other permission management app which gets installed along with the root. It will automatically grant your application root rights as needed. Personally, I prefer to have better control of which applications gets root access and which do not. You can always install SuperSU yourself, but be warned: if you agree to update the SU binary – which the application will automatically offer you to do, the U22 will be soft bricked upon reboot, and will require a firmware flash using a cable and a PC. Learned that the hard way.

    U22-XJ Video Playback testing (Using KODI)

Resolution Video Format Local Playback Network (Wi-Fi) Playback 720p (1280*720) AVC (High@L4.1) Plays OK Plays OK 1080P (1920*1080) AVC (High@L4) Plays OK Plays OK  2160P (3840*2160) HEVC (H.265) Plays OK Plays OK 4K (4096*2304) AVC (High@L5.1) Plays OK Plays OK 4K HDR HEVC Main 10@L5@High HDR10 Plays OK Some buffering 4K TS HEVC HEVC (H.265) 10Bit Plays OK Plays OK

Kodi 18.6 arrives pre-installed on the U22-XJ. Video performance is very good, although local network streaming was less than perfect (especially with 4k HDR content) even though the WiFi performance measured very well outside of Kodi.

* 8k video is not really usable in kodi, but I have found that these samples DID play locally (with some stutter and a bit of buffering) on MX Player Pro

Kodi add-ons tested quite well. IPTV streamed without issues. Also, this box contains a SDR to HDR and HDR to SDR capabilities. It makes the picture pop. Some would like it and some would not, but you can always turn that feature off.

Antutu Video Testing got mixed results: U22-XJ played all the videos in the test, aside for FLV and RMVB formats which failed. Video playback was pretty flawless in general.

  U22-XJ Network performance

I tested the network performance using the popular Speedtest.net application from the play store. I tested both WiFi (the fastest WiFi supported – in this case 5GHz 802.11ac), and wired connection (in my case AV1200 Ethernet over power line). My home connection is a symmetric 500 Mb Fiber connection so it would not limit the testing (but the Ethernet over power line connection does) – Minix U22-XJ shows the strength of its MIMO antennas in the excellent WiFi performance, but less so with the LAN over Power-line connection:

WiFi 5Ghz

  Wired, over power lines

According to the Speed test, the network connection performed amazingly on WiFi 5 GHz (probably due to the MiMo and hardware), but not so great on the wired connection. Since the wired connection is over powerline adapters, inferior speeds are to be expected.

  U22-XJ Gaming performance

U22-XJ is definitely suited for smooth gaming – as long as you have a proper controller with which to play:

Asphalt 8 Airborne – a 3d graphic intensive racing game. Loads and runs smoothly, Using the included standard IR remote I could steer, but could not use Nitro..

Angry Birds 2 – a popular 2d action game. U22-XJ loaded the game fast and run smooth as butter – using an air mouse (not included). There is an issue where you cannot move from one stop to the next due to inability to click on an icon (clicking does nothing – also tried with a mouse), but that seems to be due to a game bug with this and some of the other TV boxes I tested.

Walking War Robots – an online robot warfare game that requires a game-pad (I don’t have a game-pad). U22-XJ loaded the game fast, and it run smoothly without issues. But full control was only possible via an air mouse with built in keyboard. otherwise, could only look around, but could not shoot or move with the standard IR remote.

    U22-XJ Conclusions

Did I like it? Yes, it is another quality power performer from Minix.

Would I recommend it? Yes, even though there area few issues, they do not affect the stability or the performance of the box in general. (8k is not currently common, a requirement or officially available on this chipset, so it cannot be counted)

You like it! Where can you buy it? It’s not a cheap box, but starting at about 170 USD for the basic package, you can find it here: AliExpress.com Product – MINIX NEO U22-XJ TV BOX S922X-J Android 9.0 4GB DDR4 32GB eMMC Smart TV BOX Dolby Video Audio 4K UHD Media Hub 2.4G/5.0G WiFi

or here: MINIX Android 9.0 Pie Media Hub 4K Ultra HD Dolby Vision Dolby Audio HDR10+4GB DDR4/32GB eMMC HDMI 4K @ 60Hz 3 x USB 3.0 USB-C [data only] GLAN AC Wi-Fi TF Card (NEO U22-XJ)

Amazon Minix Store

Aliexpress Minix Store

Review | Minix Neo U22-XJ AMLogic S922-XJ TV Box Minix Neo U22-XJ is Minix's latest (and blazing fast!) Amlogic based Android TV Box! Based on Amlogic's most powerful S922-XJ SoC, you can now expect great HDR support as well as Dolby Vision straight out of the box.