#my complete inability to focus on something unless I’m really into it

[multiplefandomsblog]

request; Can I request Nagito, Kokichi, and Rantaro with an s/o that has a hard time understanding why someone feels a certain emotion in situations?

pairing(s); rantaro x gn!reader, nagito x gn!reader, kokichi x gn!reader

warnings; blood, violence, broken noses, strong language, kind of angsty — sorry that nagito's is super long- i started off with him and i haven't written in a long time so i just shit all over the place, fluff at kokichi, i have mood swings I'm so sorry about the whiplash you are about to witness

note; yesss i am back to finish these requests yurrrrrr sjansjdhfbasdkjfds I'm not gonna make a big announcement or anything(I'm still trying to figure out how to balance everything in my life rn, so I'm sorry for people who are waiting on me—) , just gonna spit out as many finished requests as i can, sorry for the abrupt pause of everything by the wayz ill be (hopefully) regularly posting works from now on.

(also this request was kind of vague, so i used the example of someone getting upset/angry and reader not understanding why; i hope that's okay :'))

Nagito Komaeda

◊ I think Nagito would understand your struggles more than anyone else.

◊ And… honestly, it kind of reassures him that you share a struggle with him. It makes him feel less alone, less like the odd one out.

◊ Being similar to someone like you in any way, even if it was a genuinely difficult and real struggle; was a blessing in disguise for someone as lowly as him.

◊ Getting that out of the way, Nagito would never see your struggle as what it is. The way he views you, how highly he puts you up on a pedestal, as well as how much hope he believes you to hold; he, at first*, won't help you at all with your struggles.

◊ As a strong believer of hope overcoming despair, good defeating bad; Nagito is positive that the struggles you hold will always be defeated, bludgeoned into a despairing sludge by your all-mighty hope.

◊ And at first, he won't even think of this as a bad thing! You should be proud of it, of course, unless it stirs despair within you.

◊ * That being said, if he sees you struggling with your inability to understand human reactions to an awful point, he would put his obsession with hope aside, and focus on trying to help you as your boyfriend.

◊ Though I'm afraid, he wouldn't be much of a help, because he gets stuck on this one too.

◊ If you ever unintentionally angered someone, however, and/or provoked them to potentially hurt you; he'd immediately step in and lay the damp washcloth of apologies on the accidental fire you had set.

◊ Though there is a high chance, he'll make it worse by saying something he hadn't intended to sound condescending. It just came out that way.

◊ Nagito would never put your well-being before his insatiable need for you to accelerate and empower your hope.

◊ He's your boyfriend before he is your admirer of hope.

— "What...? How can you- how can you be so calm!?" Confusion, fear, and intimidation seemed to overwhelm you as you stepped back, eyebrows creased in utmost confusion as the person before you, seemed to have been angered by your wording.

Suddenly, you had started repeating and reversing over what you had previously said, scanning your wording for things that could have been perceived as offensive; only to grow even more confused as you had found none.

"I... What? Are you... are you mad at me or something?" Your genuine tone of voice, as well as the genuine look of confusion on your face, had been blurred and unnoticed as the ugly emotion of anger seemed to destroy their human senses— and the person had unfortunately taken your question as an insult.

Without another word, the sickening crunch of flesh and bone hitting flesh and bone echoed throughout the trial room. Flesh and bone that had thankfully, and unfortunately, hadn't belonged to you.

"Holy- Someone hold them back!"

"There's... no need for that...!"

Turns out Nagito took the hit for you.

He peeled the hand tending to his nose away from his face, revealing the nasty bruising and the blood dripping down his nostril—despite the gruesome sight of it all, he still seemed to be smiling. Smiling as if something amazing had just happened, and he was dying from the joy he had been feeling.

He wasted no time to spew out whatever he could think of, despite the shock and adrenaline from getting a broken nose, he still fought through the struggle to speak properly, as well as merely breathing without immense pain.

It was like second nature to him, to steer the blame and the aggression away from you—even if it almost killed him. Anything... to protect his hope.

"Haha, this is... Whatever you need to achieve your hope, whether it be a good old-fashioned beat-down or... murder;" a laugh crossing the line to psychotic erupted from Nagito's scratchy throat.

"I personally invite you all—especially (name)—to bruise me up and brutally murder me for your pleasure, and your hop!" —all at the expense of him making sure no one gets the chance to lay a single finger laid onto you.

◊ He loves you, and he swears this is out of (mostly) good intention <3?

◊ i- i think i lost it somewhere in the middle

Rantaro Amami

◊ Literally, the most understanding, supportive, and comforting man you will ever meet and have as an emotional support boyfriend when you struggle with humans and just... humans.

◊ For first impressions, Rantaro will remain as understanding as he already had been, and is. If he visibly sees you struggle with the reactions of others to specific situations, he'd never start up shit, as well as assume you mean something bad immediately. He will always give you the benefit of the doubt, and the fact that he loves you may have been a factor — but I swear, he does this with everyone else too.

◊ If you ever responded/reacted to something that normal human beings usually respond differently, Rantaro would definitely notice, but he wouldn't say anything until he had his suspicions confirmed — and until someone else decided to get pissy or upset about it.

◊ If you ever get into a conflict with someone about how you seem emotionless( even though you're really not ), Rantaro will always be there to defend you and back you up. The first thing he would do is try to understand your side, then their side, and then try to see how the two fit together, and how you both grew to have your reaction.

◊ Most conflicts and arguments end peacefully, at fault to Rantaro's experience of being exposed to many personality types(his sisters), and completely normal and human struggles(also his sisters).

◊ Though, notice how I said most.

◊ Some situations and arguments, really can't be resolved, nor looked past—especially when personal, and very strong feelings are involved. You really can't avoid it when people are still grieving.

◊ But even so, Rantaro will remain a mediator and a peace-keeper until the end; he doesn't and never has enjoyed violence or super over-the-line arguments.

— "N- no, I a- actually don't understand...! I didn't mean to-"

"Oh, shut up! No one's believing that crap!" The shock and the hurt from their words had visibly affected you — the disbelief and their rage hadn't done anything to calm your anxiety from not having understood what had been wrong.

Rantaro would intrude on the one-sided argument, a gentle yet nervous smile on his face as he tried to put some distance between you and the person who had gotten offended. "Hey now, I understand you're upset, but it'll be safer for all of us if you don't insult them. I'm sure this was just a big misunderstanding... let's sit down, yeah?"

◊ If you ever feel frustrated or upset about a past interaction with someone he had reacted in a way you hadn't expected, feel free to expect Rantaro to be there for you with his comfort. Whether it be assurances, hugs, or just a listening ear; he'll be there for you.

◊ He may not understand your struggles to an extreme extent, but he will try his best to empathize with you and to understand you; and if he doesn't? That's okay. Because he still has cuddles + listening to you rant as his plan B solution on getting your frustrations out.

Kokichi Ouma

◊ Kokichi... doesn't understand you at all.

◊ It's second nature to him to react abnormally or to over-exaggerate towards something that probably shouldn't have gained a reaction like that — but that doesn't necessarily mean that had been his true reaction from the start.

◊ They're lies, well, most of it.

◊ When Kokichi notices your confusion, or if you come to him about your frustrations; he won't believe you at first. It's a stupid thing to not trust someone about, yeah, but he lies all the time about this kind of thing — so not only would he feel terrible if you were telling the truth about your real struggle, he would-

◊ Oh, you're telling the truth?

◊ ... Oh.

◊ Well, of course, he feels horrible for his past faked reactions and lies. A part of him believes it to be his fault entirely, whilst the larger, louder part of him believes it to be someone else's fault.

◊ And he's a liar; so of course, he'll lie. To himself, at least.

◊ "Wha—!? Who's been confusing my beloved? Gimme names and I'll get 'em!"

◊ He's not much of a listener, nor a person who really just... talks about serious shit. So despite not wanting to talk directly about serious things, as well as not being the best at comforting you in a 'serious' manner, he has his own little way of dimming your frustrations with human beings.

◊ He won't show it, nor will he mention it, but he does try to be more transparent with you; as well as tries to be less confusing when talking and/or interacting with you.

◊ The reactions are dimmed down, and despite that, he still continues to be silly and still continues to joke around — just not in a way that'll frustrate or confuse you(ish). He's all about getting reactions out of you, especially frustration but, he wouldn't purposely augment your anxiety about this type of thing.

◊ ^^ If he was to do that, however, he would always tell you it was a lie afterwards. After all— despite enjoying the thought of you thinking of him all week—he doesn't want you stressing and/or overthinking about it for the rest of the week.

◊ Kokichi definitely feels guilty of your struggles, however, they may have not blossomed directly from him, he still feels horrible for triggering it? You? — look- what he's trying to say is, he feels awful, and he hadn't meant to make your struggle with understanding other human beings, worse.

◊ Though there are times he does find your confusion and gullibility to be sort of entertaining in a way, but he would constantly feel bad about finding pleasure in your frustration.

◊ Kind of bad.

— "Nishishi! I'm just saying, if someone took a fat shit on my lawn, I would thank them—"

"Wh- Seriously.. ? Why??"

◊ He finds it hilarious how you seem to take his words to heart, but of course, fun comes to an end as he says—

— "Nope! It's a lie!"

[inkykeiji]

sapphire and gold

characters: dabi, takami keigo | hawks

genre: smut

notes: for @babyy-bunnii and @kirispiracy! inspired by a text i sent my best friend lmao. i considered using the name touya instead of dabi, but i didn’t want anyone to get confused with the touya characterization i’ve already got going on, so!! we’ll just use dabi.

warnings: 18+, pseudo-incest (stepcest), threesome, slight degradation, drug use (weed), dubcon/noncon, blowjobs/face-fucking (kinda implied???)

words: 2.2k

synopsis:

You nod, laughing a little and rubbing your face against his shoulder like a cat. He smells so good—has he always smelled this good? It’s making your mouth water—does he taste as good as he smells?

Would you like to find out, songbird?

Blinking slowly, you look up at him, eyebrows furrowing a little as you try to focus on his face. Did he just read your mind? Did he just speak to you through telepathy?

He’s gazing down at you with half-lidded golden eyes and a lazy smirk.

“You’re real cute, you know?” he looks up. “Dabi, bro, she’s really cute,”

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“Please, niichan?” you’re using that high, whiny voice, the one you use when you’re begging for something, the one that really gets under his fucking skin, that he can’t stand, unless his cock’s buried inside you. “I’ll be good, promise!”

“Yeah, right,” he scoffs with a roll of his eyes. “The answer’s still no, sweetheart,”

“Ugh,” you groan, plopping down on his bed heavily as your lips push out into an adorable pout. “This is so unfair! You’re literally kicking me out of my own house. At least let me stay in my bedroom, I’ll—”

“Except you won’t,” he bites, sapphire eyes cold as he glares at you over his shoulder.

“Aw, c’mon,” Keigo collapses on the bed beside you, making your body jiggle a little and placing a large palm on your back, petting. “What’s the harm in letting her stay? She’s of age now,” he turns towards you. “You’re legal, aren’t you?”

You nod enthusiastically.

“And do you want to spend the entire night babysitting her?”

“I wouldn’t mind it,” Keigo responds with an easy smirk and a quirk of his eyebrows, expression steadfast even in the face of the fierce glare Dabi shoots him.

“Oh, Christ,” Dabi sighs, dragging a hand down his face.

“See—”

“No.” he snaps firmly. His eyes burn into yours, stare so intense it almost hurts. But then your chin begins to tremble, and your eyes glaze over with a thick barrier of tears, and you’re starting to make those cute little half-sniffle, half-whimper noises, and he blanches.  

No, not the tears—please, anything but the tears.

“But I j-just—” your chest hitches. “Just wanna spend a lil time with you, s’all,” Keigo coos to your left, sharp cobalt eyes darting to him, narrowed and seething. “Jus’wanna be with you for a bit, th-that’s it,”

And he can see it, the painful sincerity in your eyes, can see it in the way your nose twitches and your chest hiccups, in the way you bite down hard on your bottom lip to keep it from quivering.

Sometimes, he wishes you weren’t so goddamn genuine.

“C’mere,” he’s sighing with a defeated nod of his head, and you’re bouncing up before he’s even finished speaking. He shares a quick look with Keigo, who nods and takes that as his cue to leave, closing the bedroom door softly behind himself. “You’re such a brat, y’know that?”

“Mm, but I’m your brat,” you mumble into his chest, nuzzling against him.

“You can stay on one condition,” he begins, you looking up at him and batting your shining eyes in question, remnants of tears decorating your eyelashes. “I don’t want you leaving my sight, do you hear me? Wherever I go, you fucking go, got it?”

“Deal,” you agree readily, fingers tangling in his shirt as you pull yourself closer. He sighs again, and you can tell he isn’t happy about it, isn’t happy about allowing you to stay, isn’t happy about his inability to say no to his darling baby sister.

But every word of what you said is true—you just started your third year of university, and it’s taking up more of your time than you initially expected. Feels like you barely see him anymore, you’re whining into his chest, tears beginning to burn your eyes again. It’s not fair for him to kick you out of the house on one of the rare weekends you have free.

He can’t argue with that. It isn’t like he doesn’t want you around—he does; he’s missed you too, you know, even though it would be like pulling teeth to get him to admit it. It’s that he doesn’t want you around his friends. They’re sleazy, gross degenerates, absolute dirtbags, and they don’t deserve to be in the presence of his precious, pure angel.

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There are so many people—too many people—crowding your living room, so many unfamiliar faces you’ve never seen before, and you curl into your big brother, fingers knotting in his white t-shirt as curious, wide eyes drink in the scene around you. Dabi smirks, looking down at you and giving your shoulder a squeeze, a tiny bit too hard. You jump and pout up at him, and he laughs, eyes glittering.

The majority of the night is spent in his lap, leaning back against his chest as large hands idly rub gentle circles into your hips, fingers wandering up and down your thighs in nonchalant caresses as he talks languidly to his friends, and it’s just teasing enough to have you wanting more.

Many of the people surrounding you frighten you a little, and you pretend not to hear some of the girls’ obnoxious whispers as they pass by; they look a little close for step-siblings, don’t they?, opting to snuggle into your niichan instead. It’s cozy and familiar, a sharp pang searing through your chest when one of his hands moves to caress your hair, readjusting you a little in his lap and holding you tighter.

There’s a part of you that wishes he didn’t have this party at all, that wishes it was just the two of you, since it seems like you rarely get moments like that anymore. You would’ve rather spent the weekend your parents were away getting pounded into his mattress for two days straight, or fucking in the kitchen and the shower, spending the duration of the time they’re gone in nothing but his hoodie—no panties allowed, of course—like you used to any time they took a vacation.

But you can’t be selfish—you’ll take what you can get.

The living room’s hazy now, thick with smoke, diffusing the light shining from the lamps and making everything look softer. Everyone around you looks so loose, so relaxed, so cool as they exhale clouds of smoke. Restless, you wiggle a little and pout, whining against Dabi’s neck that you feel left out, that you just want a little, please?

You can hear some of his friends giggling, and it only makes you more embarrassed, heat rushing to your cheeks as you squirm in his lap and nuzzle into him.

A soft groan vibrates in his chest and Christ, he thinks, you’ve got to be doing that on purpose, grinding right up against his cock as you blink your eyes up at him, begging for a hit.

He won’t allow it, of course. No, if you want some, you gotta take it from his mouth, and his mouth only.

It doesn’t matter that there’s a ton of people around, a few of them staring incredulously as they murmur things behind their hands—he doesn’t fucking care.

Fingers thread through the hair at the back of your head, holding you still as he brings his face close to yours. Your mouth falls open immediately, obediently, and you can see the laughter dancing in his eyes at how pathetically eager you are.

It isn’t as difficult as you worried it might be, concentrating hard to inhale the smoke he’s slowly blowing into your mouth at the same speed that he’s exhaling it.

He tells you to hold it in for a moment, and you cough a little, not used to smoke in your lungs. Dabi’s looking down at you with shining, half-lidded eyes, ebony pupils outlined by a thin ring of blue.

“Again?” he asks, amused smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

“Yes, please,”

He only does it three times, claims that that’s more than enough, and then he’s getting up, shifting out from under you and depositing you half in keigo’s lap, who laughs as he adjusts you to sit more upright.

You’re not even that high—not really, just a lil floaty, you think, and you kinda can’t stop giggling. It’s just that Keigo is so pretty, you just wanna be a little closer to him, wiggling into his lap completely, and everything he says is hilarious—but Keigo’s always been so funny.

“Feeling good, pretty girl?”

You nod, laughing a little and rubbing your face against his shoulder like a cat. He smells so good—has he always smelled this good? It’s making your mouth water—does he taste as good as he smells?

Would you like to find out, songbird?

Blinking slowly, you look up at him, eyebrows furrowing a little as you try to focus on his face. Did he just read your mind? Did he just speak to you through telepathy?

He’s gazing down at you with half-lidded golden eyes and a lazy smirk.

“You’re real cute, you know?” he looks up. “Dabi, bro, she’s really cute,”

Niichan’s back? You whimper for him, making grabby hands, but his eyes are narrowed as they dart between the two of you suspiciously.

She asked to taste me,

Did she now?

“Niichan,” you pout, whining out the word. It isn’t fair—you’ve barely had his full attention all night, and now he’s too far, much too far, and you tell him so—or at least, you think you do, because then he’s scooping you up into his arms and carrying you to his bedroom and—and is Keigo coming, too?

Niichan is talking, you know he is, can feel his deep voice vibrating against your body, though you’re having trouble concentrating on his words, especially when hiccupped giggles keep escaping your lips without your permission, drowning him out.

Niichan’s gonna share you tonight, okay? Only for tonight, princess, he’s saying as he lays you down on his bed. Two cocks should satisfy your insatiable need for attention, right, baby?

You hum in response, nodding your head a little, even though you’re not exactly sure what you’re agreeing to. But it doesn’t matter; you don’t really care to question it as tender hands—two pairs of tender hands—are removing your dress and panties, fingertips grazing your skin and leaving chills in their wake.

All you know is that everything just feels nice. Their fingers on your skin, in your mouth, in your pussy, it all feels so nice.

“Good, feels so good,” you’re whimpering around the two fingers stuffed in your mouth. You suck experimentally, giggling a little when a moan sounds from somewhere in the room. Someone praises you for being a good little whore, for drooling all over their fingers so well as they slip into your cunt with ease.

“Feels—” you cut yourself off with a gasp. “Good,”

Yeah, I bet it does,

That’s niichan, you think. Sounds a lot like him, but it’s hard to tell when knuckles are curling inside of you, and your little hole is fluttering, and someone’s playing with your clit, and God, her pussy’s so cute, dude.

You’re whining a little now that your mouth is empty, body arching off the bed just a bit, and aw, no, baby. Do you need something to suck on?

Hands are on you again, flipping you over and forcing you to hold yourself up on all fours. The head of a cock—a pretty cock, all smooth and velvety with a few prominent veins and a pretty pink tip—is nudging against your lips, your mouth falling open automatically. Someone praises you again and you preen, giggling around the cock stuffed in your mouth, a pleasant warmth spreading through your body.

Something’s pressing into your cute little cunt now, too, a soft groan sounding from somewhere behind you as nimble fingers flex on your hips, keeping you still as your hole stretches.

A moan gets caught in your chest, partially silenced by the cock now being thrust down your throat, hard, fast, rough, fingers knotted in your hair pulling as they force you to move your head.

But whoever it is in front of you—yes, it must be Keigo, niichan doesn’t taste like this, is just a hint thicker than this—doesn’t last long, cock shoved in your mouth throbbing as it spurts ropes of white down your throat. You’re choking a little as strong hands hold your head still, all wrapped up in your hair, but you’re doing so well, songbird and God, you’re so hot.

You’re mumbling something, drool and cum dribbling down your chin, though you’re pretty sure you swallowed most of it. Gold, shimmering, blazing gold, settles in front of you, cooing gently as fingertips clean your mouth and then mildly begin massaging your jaw, a stark contrast to the hips slamming into you from behind.

It feels good, so good, but it’s so much, too much, overwhelming your senses and making your head feel like it’s spinning, soft little moans falling from your lips as your niichan’s cockhead drags against that spot over and over, vision completely whiting out as your pussy clenches around him.

And then he’s asking you if you want his cum, and you’re babbling a little; yes niichan, of course you want to be filled up, yes please niichan, wanna be full from both ends, and yes niichan, I want your cum, I want so much cum, I want it leaking out of every orifice of my body.

Fuck, the word’s spit out brokenly as his hips stutter, cock pulsing inside of you as it fills you with hot, thick cum, and it’s so much, you’re sure it has to be leaking out of you, glazing your inner thighs.

Pain sears through your body, a special type of agony that burrows into your muscles and bones, that has you whining as someone pulls you against their heaving chest, fingers combing through sweaty hair. Your jaw is sore, hips bruised, pussy aching just a little, but you were such a good girl for your niichan, and that’s all that matters.

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Day 37: Secrets

Harry was very, very bad at keeping secrets.

Well, not all secrets and not from everyone, but he was very bad at keeping secrets from Draco.

"Don't tell me," he begged, covering his ears.

"Potter," Pansy snapped, slapping his hand away from his ear. "It's just a surprise party. You can handle it."

He shook his head, "I can't! I can't handle it! You don't understand."

"You're disgusting," she said, and Harry really still hated her sometimes. "You can do this. He loves surprise parties and you are his boyfriend. It's practically your job."

"Uggh," he groaned. "Fine. But when he gets pissed and comes to you because he knows I'm not telling him something, you better defend my honor."

"Here's what I'm thinking..."

------

Harry had been keeping the party a secret for the past sixteen days, which may not seem like a lot but it really was when you lived with one of the most observant men in the history of the world.

"Tell me," Draco breathed on the seventeenth morning, as Harry was making their coffee, boxing Harry in against the counter in the kitchen and rubbing his nose against Harry's neck right over the sensitive spot that Draco knew drove Harry completely wild.

"There's nothing-" he started before Draco's tongue flicked out and pressed against his pulse point, "Circe, fuck," Harry groaned as Draco sucked lightly at his skin. "Nothing to tell," he managed.

Draco nipped at his pulse point then, his teeth sharp before his lips and tongue soothed the sting, "You're lying. Your pulse is elevated."

"Arousal," Harry argued.

(Read more below the cut)

"There is that, too," Draco murmured wickedly as his mouth moved lower and he sucked at Harry's collarbone instead. "But it's not just that. You have plenty of tells when you're lying, you're horrible at it."

"What are they, then?" Harry deflected.

"Deflecting," Draco murmured as his hands framed Harry's hips, thumbs sliding under his shirt to rub along his hip bone.

He tipped his head back allowing Draco's lips to press against his chin.

"But you're not cheating on me-"

"I would never!" Harry exclaimed, pulling his head back so he could look Draco in the eyes. "Babe," he murmured, cupping Draco's cheek, "I would never cheat on you."

"I know," the other man soothed, pressing his lips to Harry's, "But if you did I would know. And your body language is all wrong for that."

Harry breathed a sigh of relief, at least Draco didn't think he was hiding something terrible.

"Now, hush so I can go back to seducing," he smirked, "I mean deducing you."

Harry huffed a laugh.

"Now, it's not something to do with your work," he said as he pushed Harry's shirt up and off over his head. He smoothed his hands over Harry's chest, thumbs brushing lightly over Harry's nipples. "If it was, you would have just said it was about a case and had it done with."

"That's fair," Harry replied, a bit breathless.

"And it's not something that Ron or Hermione would have asked you not to tell me," he said.

"How do you figure that?" Harry asked trying to focus on the conversation at hand as Draco trailed his fingers along Harry's bare torso, setting his skin alight with sensation.

"Because they respect our relationship and have stopped asking you to keep secrets from me," he said before kissing his way across Harry's right clavicle.

"Okay," Harry breathed, sliding his hands under Draco's shirt to caress his back. "I love your skin," he hummed. "So soft and smooth."

He felt Draco smile against his shoulder, "Tell me what you're hiding and I'll let you feel a lot more of it."

"Blackmail," Harry chided.

"Incentivizing," Draco countered before placing an open mouth kiss on Harry's suprasternal notch.

"I'm still not going to tell you," he said.

"Pansy, then," Draco replied, leaning back to look at him. "I wasn't sure if it was Pansy or my mother but you aren't afraid of my mother; you'd have caved at that."

"Godric, you're brilliant," Harry groaned, and could he really be blamed for his inability to keep secrets when his boyfriend was so fucking smart? It was ridiculously sexy and entirely unfair.

Draco smirked, "Tell me and I promise I won't tell her that you told me." He paused thoughtfully, "Unless she was telling you embarrassing stories about me and then I'll kill her."

Harry laughed, "It was definitely the embarrassing stories. So many embarrassing stories," he added. "I can't believe how obsessed you were with me at Hogwarts."

"Shut up," Draco replied, laughing before nibbling at Harry's jaw. "First, you were equally obsessed with me and second," he said before leaning in to whisper hotly in Harry's ear, "you're still lying."

"Can't you just let it be?" Harry begged, "I promise it's nothing bad."

"Where's the fun in that?" Draco asked. "Besides, I knew that already. You never keep bad secrets from me."

I love you, Harry thought desperately, because he did.

"I love you, too," Draco replied, his voice warm and smooth like honey.

He must have said that bit aloud, then. He was in so much trouble. "If you know I'd never keep bad things from you, why are you so insistent?"

Draco smirked at him, "Because I enjoy it. I love a challenge and I love cracking you open and knowing that you are entirely mine."

Harry leaned toward him, wanting very badly to kiss him.

But Draco pulled back, pressing a finger to Harry's lips and pushing him back. "Not until you tell me."

He groaned, "Draco, please," he pouted.

"Tell me," he said again, shaking his head.

He stared at him for a long moment, "You promise not to tell her I told you?"

Draco's grin widened, "I promise."

"Fine," Harry said, then taking a deep breath he said, "She told me what I should get you for your birthday."

"Oh?" Draco asked, curiosity peaked, he loved his birthday.

"Yes," Harry replied, "She recommended that I take you on a weekend getaway where we can go and spend some time alone together. Couples' massage, hot tub, lounging by the pool, unlimited mimosas in the morning, the works." Not the whole truth, but a part of it.

"And?" Draco asked and Harry thought he hadn't managed to get away with it. "Did you accept this idea?"

"I did," Harry replied. "I booked it for the weekend after your birthday since your birthday falls on a Tuesday this year."

Draco lit up, grinning widely at him, "You did?"

"Of course I did, love," he said, "She promised that you would love it." He leaned forward a bit, "May I kiss you now?"

"You may do a whole lot more than that," Draco said with a coy little smile that had Harry lifting him off the floor and kissing him as he wrapped the other man's legs around his waist and carried him back to the bedroom where they spent a large portion of the morning.

--------------

"Of course I'm taking you out to dinner for your birthday!" Harry said as he held out his arm so he could side-along Draco.

"Thank you," Draco said, pecking his cheek. "I thought we were just waiting until the weekend to celebrate."

"Don't be ridiculous," Harry replied. "What kind of a person doesn't celebrate their boyfriend's birthday on their birthday? Come on," he added, mentally counting down to the moment they were supposed to arrive at Pansy's for the surprise party.

Draco hooked his arm through Harry's and Harry took a fortifying breath before apparating them away.

The moment they landed a cheer went up, confetti and balloons rained down on them, and Pansy rushed forward to greet them.

Everyone was shouting, "Happy birthday!" "Surprise!" and all other sorts of well wishes and the look on Draco's face was priceless.

"What?" he asked turning to Harry. "You knew about this?"

"I did," Harry affirmed.

"But..." Draco started before looking around again, "You didn't tell me!"

Harry laughed, "I didn't. I ruined the surprise that I planned to ruin and kept this one in tact."

"How very Slytherin of you," Draco purred, looking pleased, and charmed, and turned on all at once.

He smiled and leaned forward to press a kiss to the other man's lips. "Happy birthday, my love." Then he nudged him forward, "Go enjoy your party."

Draco was immediately handed a glass of champagne and whisked off to have the birthday sash bestowed upon him.

"I must say," Pansy said as she sidled up to Harry, "I'm impressed."

"High praise," Harry replied wryly.

She smirked at him, "I didn't think you were going to make it."

"It was a bit touch and go but I threw him off the trail." He laughed, "It'll probably never work again, so best not to involve me if you're planning a surprise party in the future."

"There are worse traits to have in a boyfriend I suppose."

"Sorry?" Harry asked.

She bumped him with her shoulder, "Not being able to keep secrets," she specified. "As far as character flaws go, that's a pretty good one. Draco's a lucky man."

He looked over at Draco who was talking with Hermione and Blaise, his face radiant as he laughed with them. "I think I'm the lucky one," he said wistfully.

"I think you both are."

---------

Day 36: Entwine | Day 38: Dance

[flooffybits]

(Not Just) Friends

Idol: Kim Jungeun (Loona)

marshmallow: Kim lip x 13th member story inspired by the song friends by Ed Sheeran🤍

A/n: this one is done earlier because of a friend but i still plan on sticking to my schedule

☕buy me a coffee☕

Being attracted to someone of the same sex was a very difficult thing when you live in Korea due to it being a little more conservative compared to other countries.

Being attracted to someone of the same sex while being an idol, however, was a completely different conversation you were not ready to have with anyone.

Especially not when the person was someone in the same group as you - someone you had considered a really close friend.

“Unnie, pay attention!” You snap out of your thoughts to the sound of Yeojin’s voice and when her hand enveloped around your wrist, preventing you from mindlessly chopping a finger off. You were quick to retract the knife you were holding and looked apologetically towards the maknae, who had a bit of a panicked look on her face. “Sorry.” You mumbled before Sooyoung shook her head with an exaggerated sigh.

“I thought I could trust you in the kitchen!” She scolds playfully and you pout before turning back to the potatoes you were preparing. “I don’t burn the kitchen.” The comment earned a glare from your now brunette friend whilst Hyejoo burst out laughing at your little jab. “Hey, that’s a low blow.” Chaewon huffs and you shrug your shoulders when Sooyoung laughs beside you. “At least the worst you’ve done recently is just cutting up the food container, unlike Choerry.”

“Hey!”

Said girl pouted while Jinsoul gave her a small pat on the back. “At least you cleaned up the microwave afterwards.” Though even when she nodded, the pout had yet to leave Yerim’s face, making you smile as you put the cut vegetables aside. “Don’t worry, you guys are doing better so that’s a plus.” You assure them before moving to check on the beef to see if it was still frozen or not so you could cut them into smaller pieces.

Though in your busy state, you don’t realize the body next to you before an added pressure came to your left shoulder and when you turned, Hyunjin gave you her puppy eyes out of nowhere, making you raise a brow right before she muttered a quiet ‘aeong’ that made you break into a smile.

“What do you want this time, Hyun?” The cat puffed her cheeks before nuzzling your shoulder. “I’m hungry.” She stated and you hum while refocusing on the food you were preparing for all of them. “I know, that’s why I’m cooking.” You chime and she hugs you from the side with a whine. “I want bread.”

Of course she did.

“Don’t you and Heejin have a stash?” You question, grabbing a few spices to season the meat and the other huffed. “We finished it and we haven’t bought any yet.” She replies and you let out a small sigh before shaking your head. “Why don’t you buy now? I’m pretty sure you’ll be back by the time I finish.” But your suggestion earned itself a whimper from the latter before she’s pulling at your arm. “Come with me.”

Of course, your inability to decline your members of anything they liked was the reason why Hyunjin was pestering you into coming with her. That, and the fact that she knows you’ll get her more bread compared to Heejin.

Meanwhile, off to the side, as you and the cat continued to act like a married couple, a certain blonde watched with a small scowl set on her lips, arms crossed as she listened to the conversation you were both having.

Though, she knows that she shouldn’t be jealous, she couldn’t help the fear that maybe one day you would get tired of all the hiding. But then again, she remembers that neither of you were actually dating because you were too scared about the consequences of being found out by anyone, in or out of the group.

But she couldn’t say you were mere friends either.

..

“What were you expecting me to do? You know that I can’t just let Hyunjin go on her own.” You sigh, exasperated and Jungeun frowns more, not at all pleased with having to sit by and watch you and your friend act almost much more of a couple than you and her have ever been. “Hyunjin is old enough to do things on her own! She could have gone with any of the other girls if you told her no, too.” She retorted and you rolled your eyes before letting out a grunt. “Jungeun, me and Hyunjin are friends. I think you’re forgetting that fact.” You remind her and she huffs. “Friends don’t act like they want to go out on a date with each other.”

Something inside of you snaps at her words and you turn to glare at her. “Friends don’t look at each other the same way we do. Hell, friends shouldn’t even be kissing like we do, but here we are!” You snap and the room goes quiet as you both stare at each other, emotions bubbling and ready to spill over, but you’re quick to notice the rising tension, so you take a step back and shake your head, frowning.

“I’m going to bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” You mutter, pushing past the older girl and exiting her room, leaving Jungeun to stare after you before she let out a groan and collapsed on her bed, pressing a pillow to face as she did just so no one would come in and hear her.

She knows that you were right, but there was nothing either of you could do with the situation. Unless you wanted to get in trouble, this was the best you could manage without compromising the rest of the girls.

Later that night, you’re woken by the movement on your bed and a body pressing against your side, prompting your eyes to open.

The blonde hair was enough of a give away as to who it was, but the older girl doesn't let you speak when she just pulls you closer so you don't get to see her face when she buries it to your hair.

"I'm sorry." Is all she says and you blink in confusion before slowly letting your arms come around her waist and just shut your eyes again.

This wasn't anything new, but this was the first time that Jungeun's decided to be the one to come to you and apologize rather than sleeping it off and talking about it the next day.

While none of the members were bothered with the two of you sleeping in each other's bed, it bothered you both when someone else would do it with you.

And it just so happens that Jungeun isn't the only one that ever gets jealous.

"I get it, you have great chemistry and all, but did you really have to rub it in my face?" Jungeun scoffs at your words after you got home from another interview. Everyone had to be in their respective sub units, so it made sense that Jungeun stayed with Jinsoul and Yerim, and you with Yeojin.

But it just somehow made you a little uncomfortable to see Jungeun let the older girl pepper her face with kisses and act like you weren't there at all.

"Oh, come on! You know that Jinsoul unnie likes to be affectionate with everyone, so stop acting like a jealous girlfriend!"

You both shut up and Jungeun's anger diminished when she saw the look on your face as you clenched your jaw, only to let out a quiet sigh and your shoulders grew slack. The defeated look on your face was something new to her through all the years you've been together and it catches her off guard.

"Y/n, wait-"

"No, Jungeun. This needs to stop." You breathe out, because as painful as it was to say, you had to put your foot down instead of letting this cycle continue.

You were only hurting yourselves.

"We just need a bit more time. You know that we can fix this." She pleads and you shake your head, both desperate and frustrated at the same time. "Time won't fix this, not when neither of us can be brave enough to admit the truth."

She hates how it sounds like a breakup. But that was what made it worse.

You were never together to begin with.

“We can’t keep doing this, Jungeun. It’s only going to ruin everything we’ve worked for.” You try to reason but she shakes her head in a desperate attempt to have you change your mind. “But I really like you.”

And she sees it when you pause, because Jungeun knows that you were in too deep to say that you only liked her. She sees it in the way you look at her and the way you act towards her.

She knows that you’re dying from holding back with those three little words because it was make or break.

You just couldn’t risk it with the environment you both lived in.

“You know how I feel.” You breathe out, eyes turning glossy as tears begin building up, but you hold them back because you still had to face the rest of your members once you walked out the door. “But this can’t keep going on. I’m sorry.”

When you leave her room that night, none of the girls notice the difference. Jungeun doesn’t run after you nor do you run after her in the days that follow. Plastering a friendly look on your face when together, no one can see the toll it’s taking on either of you as you bury your feelings at the very back of your mind and focus on what mattered while she did the same.

However, it’s during one of Sooyoung’s recent vlogs where the older girl managed to pull you in with her and asked she did you makeup where Jungeun can feel the burning in her chest with how close your face was to her fellow leader.

And while Heejin was there with Haseul, she hates how close and comfortable you were with Sooyoung cradling your face and even sneaking in a kiss to your cheek every once in a while. Sooyoung was close to finishing and her expression lit up as she pinched your cheek when she showed your face to the camera.

“Wow! Y/n looks so pretty!” Heejin commented, awe laced in her tone as Sooyoung looked proud with her work before facing the camera. “You’re so cute, I could just kiss you!” She teased, drawing a laugh from your lips as you gave her a playful push. “You’ve been doing that even when you weren’t doing my makeup.”

“But you’re always denying my kisses!” She complained while trying to latch on to your arm as you pull your head back. “Because I don’t want them!”

“Yah! I’m your unnie, let me love you!”

The comment ended up with bouts of laughter from the members present, but Jungeun kept herself hidden in the corner before she eventually slipped back into her room and let her thoughts wander.

..

Grunting, you press your back against the wall of the practice room and let out a huff. Your legs were killing you with the amount of times you decided to go over the choreography of the dance you were studying. Since your schedule had yet to be filled, you opted for keeping yourself in practice just so your body wouldn’t be surprised once you had to start for your comeback.

Couldn’t they just tell you when to get ready?

Regardless, you did your best to just be prepared in the event that you did have to start practicing.

“You okay?” Kahei’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts and you lifted your head with a small smile despite the sweat running down your forehead. “Yeah, just a little tired. Thanks, unnie.” You respond before the older woman gives you a small pat on the head. “Don’t push it.” She says with a warning look and you nod your head, knowing that ever since your first performance for Butterfly, the girls would check up on you during practices.

After catching your breath, you were able to look around and see everyone who did come. Since Jiwoo was out doing her Chuu Can Do It episode, she was obviously not present to cause some noise in the room. Jinsoul was at the dorms with the rest of the maknae line except for Yerim and Heejin, who opted to come with you for practice. Sooyoung decided to stay back as well, just so there were people to look after the rest of the girls and that you wouldn’t come back to a burnt home.

Haseul had gone home for a bit, just to fix a few things, so you were only left alone with Kahei, Heejin, Jungeun, and Yerim. But even when you were all in the same room, the only person you were actually talking to was Kahei since Heejin was too busy with her workout and Yerim and Junguen were practicing a choreography of their own.

“Y/n, do you want to eat anything?” Kahei called from her place by the door, phone in hand and presumably talking with your leader. “Are you going to buy me food?” You ask with a little grin appearing on your face and the older girl playfully rolls her eyes.

“Another time. Haseul said she was stopping by the convenience store, so she’s asking.” She explained and you seem thoughtful for a while before shrugging your shoulders. “Can I have a drink instead? I want coffee.” You ask and the older girl shoots you an odd look. “You won’t be able to sleep if you drink coffee now.”

“I’ll be okay. I’m pretty sure I’ll be knocked out from practicing.” You reason and Kahei let out a sigh before eventually agreeing. “Can you tell Haseul unnie to buy me a sandwich?”

“Sure thing!”

While you were busy with stretching your legs on the floor, Jungeun glanced in your direction as Yerim took a break and wandered over to where Heejin had already cooled down from exercising. She wasn’t too happy about your lack of food intake after hours of practice, but then again, she isn’t too sure if you would take anything if it was coming from her.

“Unnie, Yves unnie is calling you.” Yerim’s voice broke you and the blonde out of what you were doing and her thoughts as you turned to see that your phone was, in fact, ringing on the desk at the corner of the room before scrambling to your feet.

Jungeun watches as you answer your friend's call and exit the practice room with the kind of smile on your face that could only indicate that something had happened in the dorm. However, it doesn't erase the ideas of you possibly moving on from Jungeun and falling for Sooyoung's charms.

Since Sooyoung was also known to be very open about her support and affections towards you, it would only make sense that you might end up falling for her instead.

The thought scared her.

With her mind going a mile a minute, none of you were prepared as she jumped to her feet the moment you came back into the room after your call with the other girl. You looked clueless since she hasn't exactly approached you since your decision of stopping whatever it was going on between the both of you, but her next course of action surprised not only you, but everyone else present in the room.

With a hand to the side of your neck, the blonde tugged you forward before you felt the familiarity of her lips against yours. The surprise caused you to drop your phone before your hands went instinctively to her waist to anchor yourself.

All the longing and aching made your body react and almost instantly forget that you weren't supposed to be doing this anymore, but with Jungeun's warmth and the slight squeeze she'd given you, it didn't take long to allow yourself to get lost in her touch.

The only time you both pull apart is when the sound of a thud resonated in the, otherwise, quiet room meets your ears and Haseul stood at the entrance with a completely baffled look on her face, matching the rest of the girls as they all but stopped what they were doing and stared at the two of you. And in that moment, you snapped out of whatever daze you were in and looked back to the blonde, eyes wide as you covered your mouth.

"What are you doing?" You asked with panic lacing your tone and Jungeun stared at you, her gaze unwavering as she took your hand in both of hers. "You said we couldn't do this if neither of us will be honest about how we feel, right?" She says with a steady voice and you feel your heart jump at the spark in her eyes.

"I want to be with you. I'm tired of acting like you're just a friend to me when you're so much more than that." Her heart is racing, but her courage doesn't waver as she keeps eye contact with you.

She just needs to know you still felt the same.

"Jungeun, I-" She senses the hesitation in you, even when you don't pull away, and she sucks in a deep breath before bringing your hand against her cheek. Her soft eyes stare at you with so much warmth that it was practically radiating off of her and made you feel warm.

"I love you."

The words are hushed, but still heavy and you feel your own heart skipping a beat when she refuses to let go.

Neither of you have said those three words because it weighed heavily for both of you and you knew that it would change the course of your relationship. But she said it before you even had the courage to admit it to her.

"I love you, too." You murmur quietly, though your eyes quickly glance over her shoulder to see the rest of your members still absorbing what had just transpired. “But what do we do now?” You ask softly and she bites her lip before lowering your hand, though refusing to let go, as she faced your present members.

“I know you have a lot of questions, but before you say anything about Y/n and I, there’s nothing wrong about it and I hope you can respect our relationship.”

There’s a long pause in the practice room and your eyes fall on your leader, a bit more worried about her reaction since she's only just gotten back from her hiatus. But the seriousness of her expression makes your heart sink that you had to hold your breath while tightening your hold on Jungeun's hand.

"Is this true?"

Jungeun nods her head without hesitation as she looks at Haseul and Kahei, though the latter didn't seem too upset, having gotten over the initial shock. In fact, after finally understanding what was happening, the eldest looked almost happy with the announcement. "It took me a while to realize, but I do love Y/n, and I wish it didn't take hurting both of us for me to realize it."

Haseul gave the both of you a good look before her expression eventually melted and she happily walked over to envelope you both in a warm embrace that surprised both of you, but you both accepted it either way, relieved especially when Kahei had joined in, muttering a quiet “I’m so proud of you”.

Heejin came bounding over once your leader let you go and the slightly younger girl nearly knocked you over when she launched at you with a grin on her face. “I’m so happy for you!” She cheered when you caught your balance, forcing you to release the blonde whilst Yerim still stood silently in her corner of the room.

“I knew you were hiding something but this is so amazing!” As Heejin continued to blabber about how happy she was for you, you searched for Jungeun, only to see her staring at the youngest girl present and you soon turned to find Yerim with an unreadable expression on her face.

Though you were surprised that your members were fine and accepting of not only your sexuality, but also your relationship, you were sure that not everyone would be as accepting as others. However, Yerim was like a little sister to Jungeun, so you understood why she was worried with the usually bright girl’s silence.

“Choerry-ah.” Jungeun called softly, but the girl only frowned in response and Haseul looked as though she was ready to intervene if needed as Heejin finally released you with one final squeeze.

“Yerimmie, I don’t expect you to be fine with this, but I hope that you don’t get upset with-”

“You chose Y/n unnie over Soul unnie?” The girl suddenly spoke up and your brows knitted together while Jungeun looked surprised by the question as she waved her hands in the air. “Jinsoul unnie and I weren’t anything!” She clarified, making Yerim’s frown deepened and you were quick to understand where this was coming from.

Jesus, why were your members so extra?

“But I thought you and Jinsoul unnie were my parents.” Yerim protests and Jungeun finally let out a groan before she walked over to the younger girl and smacked her shoulder. “Yah! I really thought you were upset!”

You couldn’t help but watch the two with a smile before Heejin latched onto you one more time. “I know that you might have had a hard time with this, but I hope you know that we’re really happy for you both. And when you plan on telling the others, I’m sure they’ll be just as happy, if not more.” She states and you smile at her words, resting your head against hers. “Thank you.”

“Can I have my girlfriend now? I haven’t held her in a while.” You look up to Jungeun’s pout directed at you and you giggle before lightly patting your friend on the side and then detaching yourself from her to welcome your girlfriend’s arms instead.

Your body melted into her and she let out a small sigh of content as she pressed another kiss to your temple. This was the first time you’ve felt warm again since the fight you’ve both had and maybe, just maybe, this was all really worth it in the end.

[valentinecult]

Delilah Theory

Recently, Arc Systems released an update on the Another Story for Strive. From the looks of it, it appears that both Ramlethal and Delilah are the main focus for the story. 

We finally get to see Delilah’s full appearance. Obviously, she looks like Bedman, but there are small details to her design that differentiate her from her brother. 

I’m going to make a theory and analysis based on her appearance and the screenshots of the new story mode. Reminder, this is a theory, so I may or may not be right or correct. Take it with a grain of salt unless the new story officially confirms it. 

Now let us dive in. 

Let us go over her small biography:

‘A young girl who has awoken from a long slumber.

She’s lived within a dream since her birth due to a unique condition caused by her brain’s inability to withstand her exceptional intellect and abilities.

As she’s only just woken up, she doesn’t have a solid grasp on common sense and social skills.

Her one and only motive is to get revenge for her brother’s life.’

What stuck out to me is that like Bedman, Delilah was asleep for a while. However, what is quite odd is that she’s now awake and it doesn’t look like her condition has any ill effects on her. You see where I’m going with this, right?

In Guilty Gear XRD, Bedman has been asleep for majority of the storyline. However, Delilah just now is more awake compared to her brother. I also noticed something interesting. The arrow on her head....

Unlike her brother, Delilah’s arrow is pointing up. Bedman is down. 

This is what I believe....I believe that Bedman and Delilah’s powers work oppositely to some extent. I know some people say both of the siblings have an extreme and exaggerated version of Narcolepsy, but I think Delilah’s condition is more ‘severe’ and more dangerous. 

You see this image here?

Baiken is seen attacking an unpiloted Bedframe. The Bedframe looks eerily alike to Bedman’s but there’s something different. The crown is pitched black, similar to Happy Chaos’ halo and interestingly, the face looks damaged. 

But what makes this weird is that NOBODY is piloting the Bedframe. More importantly, where the hell did it come from? 

It’s possible that Delilah somehow can summon one or rather...manifest one with her powers. I’m certain she could make a Bedframe out of thin air, similar to how Happy Chaos can snap a convertible into existence. Perhaps, this is a more powerful version of ‘Deja Vu’ where she is manifesting her brother’s bedframe based on memory. 

The damage to the robot might be due to how strong Baiken really is now, she is probably hitting the robot’s weak point. Or...the Bedframe isn’t as strong as Bedman’s. If anything, Delilah could be controlling it like a puppet.

Now why Baiken is fighting it is unknown and will be answered once the story is out.

It’s likely possible that the Bedframe has been hijacked by some unknown party. Either it is Crow or Happy Chaos. 

So, how does this relate to Delilah being awake? 

In XRD, it’s been stated that Delilah is more ‘unhinged’ than Bedman. She probably had a psychotic streak, but there’s a possibility that she is not in complete control over her powers and condition. Delilah may at some points awaken and fall back asleep periodically. So, there should be no doubt that Bedman was a more skilled fighter and dream manipulator compared to his sister. After all, Bedman has been doing the most fighting.

However, the lack of control over her abilities could be why Baiken is fighting it because Delilah may be losing control and the Bedframe is attacking people indiscriminately. 

Basically, the arrows on their heads might imply how often they are asleep or awake. Bedman’s down arrow might symbolize that he is more often asleep while Delilah’s up arrow might symbolize how often she is awake.

That’s my theory on how Delilah is different compared to Bedman. Again, I can’t guarantee this is right though since the new story has yet to be released, but whatever the case is with her, I’m excited to see her play a vital role next to my girl Ramlethal.

[probably-enjolras]

r.e. disabled les amis headcanons: omg please add yours

yay someone wants to hear mine! some of this will be projection on my part. i’m disabled myself, i need a cane to walk because of a condition called Amplified Musculoskeletal Pain Syndrome (AMPS) which is very similar to fibromyalgia. i’m also going to include some neurodivergent and mental illness headcanons, but i know some people don’t consider those disabilities, but from my own experience with them, i do, so that’s why i’m adding them!

jean valjean has chronic back pain, specifically a problem with the discs in the upper spine, from his time in prison. gradually gets worse as he gets older because of lack of treatment and him triggering the pain himself by lifting the crashes cart and then marius in the sewers. in my modern aus i like to think he gets an upper back/neck and shoulder brace that he wears, and he’s a bit insecure about it so that’s why he’s always wearing big coats even in aus where he’s not being pursued by javert

javert, marius, and enjolras are autistic. javert has known most of his life but marius wasn’t diagnosed until his late teens due to lack of familial support. enjolras would have been diagnosed as a kid but he’s afab and there’s lack of diagnosis for afab children and he doesn’t get diagnosed until he’s in his 20s after doing his own research.

enjolras, grantaire, courfeyrac, and bossuet have adhd. enjolras and bossuet have more hyperactive traits, enjolras’ manifesting in his need to constantly be doing something and chronic boredom, while bossuet doesn’t display his as physical hyperactivity but more racing thoughts and an inability to slow his mind down. courfeyrac and grantaire have more attention deficit issues. they can’t focus on one topic for a while unless they go into hyperfocus or it’s a hyperfixation. grantaire has a lot of self worth issues because of his adhd because growing up he was seen as a bad student and a bad child because of his attention issues and executive dysfunction. courfeyrac got medicated really early on in childhood. enjolras did too and it becomes a bit of an issue between him and grantaire because grantaire doesn’t start medication until he’s about 24 and enjolras has been on medication for a long time and he’s kinda forgotten about how difficult it can be being unmedicated so he thinks grantaire isn’t trying enough. that changes when the pharmacy won’t refill enjolras’ medicine and he has to go a week without it. it’s a really humbling experience he apologizes to grantaire once he’s back on meds (this is based on personal experience actually… i didn’t start meds until a few months ago and i had a friend who started meds in middle school do what enjolras did and ur sucked)

joly had to get his knee joint replaced through surgery and still can’t walk properly without pain in the area so he walks with a cane. he also has an autoimmune disorder that makes him get sick really easily, as well as chronic fatigue and brain fog that makes it hard to complete daily tasks even when he has a low pain day. he also has very bad anxiety that sometimes manifests in worrying about his health excessively and vigilance about staying healthy because he knows that if he even gets a cold, it will be worse for his body than someone without a chronic illness

cosette and eponine both have c-ptsd from living with the thenardiers, and i have so much to say about this that i’m thinking about making an entirely separate post about it. just know that both of them have trauma responses, with cosette becoming very docile and a chronic people pleaser because she doesn’t want to get in trouble even though she won’t be punished like that anymore, while eponine has become hardened by her trauma and puts up walls so she doesn’t get hurt. she also gets frequent nightmares about her siblings being hurt and wakes up sweaty and almost screaming. gavroche came home late one day and eponine was on the verge of a panic attack even though it had only been half an hour

combeferre is blind in one eye and his other eye is partially damaged so he doesn’t have very good depth perception in what he can see, and he also has very limited color vision

feuilly is deaf and grantaire is HoH. feuilly’s primary form of communication is sign language, though he can lip read but not very well. all the amis know basic signs like how to ask if he wants some water/food, hellos and goodbyes, and how to sign their names. once feuilly becomes close with them, he creates signs specifically for their names, which at least in the american d/Deaf/HoH community is very special. a very close family friend of mine is HoH and he gave me a name sign when i came out as trans (it’s a quick movement of the letters R and Y up in the position where male signs are signed like “father”) grantaire is hard of hearing and has hearing aids. sometimes when he fights with enjolras he just takes out his hearing aids and just lets enjolras keep going until he realizes what’s going on.

this next one is very personal to me and is something i don’t think i’ve ever seen before, but i hc jehan with having schizoaffective disorder (bipolar type). i personally have this disorder and i have found some comfort thinking jehan has it too. they started having mood symptoms first, which started as a depressive episode and then suddenly they felt like they had been shocked into a manic episode. once the mania started they began having delusions of grandeur and the belief that they were a prophet sent to help the world. they began thinking people were after them and they heard voices from “angels” telling them what to do. they started writing poetry as a way to get the voices out of their head and onto paper. it took two years to get a diagnosis and a some very rough nights where they weren’t sleeping and would show up to meetings with delusional ideas, and they were scared. they refused to go to the hospital but needed help, so grantaire took them to the community out reach center that he goes to for alcohol addiction treatment and jehan got a psychiatrist who started them on antipsychotics and a mood stabilizer. i like to think that jehan got better quickly, just because i’ve had this disorder for a very long time and i’ve tried almost every antipsychotic out there and im not really better, so i want them to not have my experience. they were accepting of treatment pretty easily, but they did worry that their poetry wouldn’t be the same afterwards. fortunately, they channeled their frustration into poetry as opposed to writing what they were hearing and even though their poetry changed once they got on medicine, they didn’t lose their ability to write it. they’ve also learned how to have confidence in themself and the revolution without becoming delusional, which did take time because hearing enjolras’ strong ideas, it just felt like too much for a while. but the longer they’ve been stable and connected to reality, the easier it becomes to believe that yes, some things may seem improbable, but they can still happen AND some ideas are delusions and can be differentiated between the improbably ideas

bahorel has hypermobile joints and has to be careful when boxing with grantaire because he has subluxed or even fully dislocated his shoulders, elbows, and finger joints while boxing. jehan bought him some colorful finger braces and has stitched patterns into his knee and elbow braces

that’s enough for now because this is getting really long but yeah. lots of projection on my part (whoops) but what is this blog without me projecting my issues onto les mis characters? is this not what this blog is based on 😂

[discotreque]

LwD 2.03: We’ll Always Have Tom Paris

I’ve lived in the same apartment for eight years now, and yesterday was the fifth catastrophic mechanical failure of the same bathroom toilet—all unrelated issues, too; this time it was the fill valve. At this point I don’t know whether to call a plumber or an exorcist… but anyway, it’s been kind of hard to focus on Star Trek! Ugh.

This week’s episode is credited to M. Willis, who I last encountered on She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, a show about which I wrote literally 100,000 words of fanfic last year, in between Picard and Lower Decks when I had no Star Trek to obsess over. Willis’s She-Ra episodes tended to be slightly off-format in execution, with big action set pieces, lots of characters in unexpected combinations, and usually an emotional game-changer of a climax—and her last credit on this show was “Much Ado About Boimler,” which obviously had all those elements too. She writes to her strengths!

Spoilers within:

If you need me, I’m going to be ugly-laughing about “Voy” for the rest of the day. (Wow, that does actually save a ton of time!)

SHAXS IS BACKXS!!!! The lower-deckers never knowing how or why a senior officer came back from the dead is a perfect microcosm of this show. I love that he still calls Rutherford “Baby Bear,” and I love the weird cosmic horror that LwD keeps sprinkling into the Star Trek universe. (What does that koala know?) I hope this doesn’t mean we’ve seen the last of Kayshon! His appearance on the bridge gives me hope we’ll get to keep both characters around.

Star Trek has always had fairly fuzzy world-building for the world outside Starfleet—understandable, since 99% of Star Trek takes place within Starfleet—but it’s been such a thrill to see LwD (and Picard) finally establish some in-universe pop culture that isn’t conveniently familiar to 20th- or 21st-century audiences. Like the Zebulon Sisters last season—a band that apparently does USO-style tours of Starfleet ships? Delightful. Kestra Troi-Riker having a t-shirt from a Sex Pistols cover band in Klingon? Fucking brilliant. Tendi bonding with the guy at the storage place over the “Klingon acid punk” playing from his little Bluetooth speaker? PUT IT IN MY VEINS.

They really put the character development in gear this week! I liked how we locked in a couple of things already established in extra-canonical material: Mariner’s bisexuality, which Mike McMahan mentioned in an interview last year, and Tendi’s given name, D’vana (which I was sure we’d heard on the show before, but I guess not?).

Speaking of Mariner’s love life, is human–Bynar dating just… by definition a threesome situation?

We learned a lot of new things about Tendi, though, and every single one makes her 10 times more interesting to me. Remember last season, when she said “many” Orions hadn’t been pirates or slavers “for over five years”? Is the implication that something happened in Orion culture—around the end of the Dominion War?—that led to Tendi (and presumably others) rejecting a life of crime and joining Starfleet? How long was she “the Mistress of Winter Constellations” before that—or is it more of an inherited title? I want more Tendi lore!!!!

(Speaking of Tendi’s life, another quick and confounding piece of information for my red-yarn “what the hell is up with Tendiford” theory board: Mariner asks if they’re dating and Tendi’s response is “Not really!” Not really? That’s not no, D’vana!)

This show continues to be a surprisingly conventional workplace sitcom underneath all the excellent Star Trek (and that’s not a bad thing, just a genre overlap that keeps falling out of the front of my mind). Boimler’s inability to use the computer hit way too close to home for me this week: a couple years ago, I returned to a job after a long-term leave of absence, during which time I’d been assigned to a new manager—who’d never had an employee return from long-term leave before, so he didn’t know what to do beforehand—so I spent my first day back just chilling at my desk, fucking around on my phone, because there was literally nothing else I could do without logging into the system first. Too real!

Something we’ve seen in this show that I’m not sure we’ve seen before w/r/t the food replicators is somebody putting a tray of food into the replicator to add more food on top of it—in this case Shaxs getting spicy kiwi ketchup (?!) on a hot dog he seems to have already replicated. (He couldn’t have asked for “hot dog, with spicy kiwi ketchup” in the first place? This is haunting me worse than him coming back from the dead.)

As a certified cat lady, the T’Ana plotline—and its resolution—made me laugh until I couldn’t breathe (unless that was the toxoplasmosis). I should have seen it coming, but I was too distracted by the second-hand embarrassment of them breaking “Jeremy” (and the completely unprecedented Star Trek plot of a doctor getting off on her grandmother’s family heirloom…).

Miscellany:

Jet offering to carry Boimler across the threshold of the door like a bride… am I going to ship THIS now?

Mariner interpreting Tendi’s “talk like a pirate!” in the same way a modern millennial would—“Arr, how ya be doin’ today, me fellow Orion?”—might have been my favourite dumb joke in the entire episode. (“I’m allergic to, uh, pheromones?”)

Tawny Newsome read the line about “only one name, like Odo!” in the script and apparently literally called Mike McMahan out of the blue to remind him that Odo’s name is short for “Odo’ital” and she didn’t want nitpicking nerds on her case. He told her the line was so funny he would accept the nitpicking, so don’t blame Tawny—she tried to warn him!

“There’s like, only a couple people in the quadrant who can say they got beat up by Tom Paris.” Is that a burn? I think that’s a burn.

Another banger of an episode. This show is more confident this season, and I’m loving it—and based on what I’ve heard from people who’ve seen the next two episodes, it only gets better from here. HYYYYYYYPE!!!!!!

See you next week—I’ve got to go fashion a toilet plunger into a crucifix, apparently.

[mtraki]

Brain chemistry is messing with me... got me in the bad feels looking at dark roads... So let’s try and drag ourselves out of it through hyperfixation!  It’s time to rant about Agent 47′s brain chemistry-- specifically all the serums and antidotes that artificially change it! (It’s a rant... I won’t take up space on your dashboard scroll if you don’t want to see it, but if you do, please check out under the cut.  Spoilers for the comics and Hitman Season 2-3 are unmarked...)

The focus of the rant is thus: “Exactly what did Ether’s antidote do?” ‘That’s easy, MT,’ I hear you tell me, ‘It brought back 47′s memories that were wiped by Ort-Meyer before he escaped the lab.’ Forgive me, strawman Reader, (but as always, thank you for your faithful engagement) but I don’t think it’s that simple...  Maybe because I overthink things, or maybe because the details aren’t adding up... Let’s discuss. In the cutscene in HITMAN 2 (Hitman Season 2) ‘Long Shot’, Olivia and Lucas provide a syringe from Ether Biotech Corporation.  According to their information, Ort-Meyer’s estate and his research were granted to the corporation (through Providence) after his passing.  The syringe is supposed to be an antidote to what Ort-Meyer used to wipe 47′s memory.  Using the syringe, 47 is able to remember Janus, the first Constant of Providence, so they can go get his info on the Partners... and kill him. ‘Yes, MT,’ you say, ‘so it’s easy.  The answer is right there.’ Well, please bear with me... In the next cutscene ‘Gifts and Curses’, our leading ladies Diana and Olivia are doing the real work (tracking Janus’s coffin) while our lads are being moody.  Lucas asks 47 if he’s all right and 47 says, “It comes back in flashes.  Fear.  Anger.  But like it happened to someone else.” Later, in ‘Precautions’, Lucas and Diana talk about how Lucas has feelings about the things he’s done, and 47 does not-- a parallel is drawn between these feelings and “having a conscience”. In ‘The Ark Society’ mission, on the Isle of Sgàil, as you’re marching Arthur Edwards, the Constant you are abducting, to the harbor, he’ll fish around for information by giving some of his own.  For the purposes of my rant, there is an exchange I want to focus on: Edwards: “...Your murdered him [Janus] to get to me.” 47: “Not just that.  He had it coming.” Edwards: “Interesting.  It was my impression that you were cured of such... sentiment.  The ‘good doctor’ built his serum specifically to target the seats of your emotions.  Has Miss Burnwood’s sense of justice rubbed off on you, I wonder?” This is where I feel the need to stop and point out that there are TWO DIFFERENT SERUMS at play here, that were forced on 47 at TWO DIFFERENT TIMES in his forgotten past.  This is shown in the comic series. SERUM #1) This serum was given in 1989, after 47 and 6 failed to take over the Institute.  47 sacrificed himself so 6 could escape (though he was presumed dead) and instead of being killed like he expected, due to pressure from Janus (who spoke as Constant for the Partners of Providence) Ort-Meyer instead used a serum to stifle his and the remaining clones’ emotions.  This one was an injection to the neck (like the antidote).  Here are his exact words: “I gave you something most people lack: a true purpose.  And you cast it aside.  For some misguided dream of freedom.  Why?” “It’s that storm inside you.  All those feelings I fought so hard to lock away.  Raging, driving you.  So now I must wipe them out entirely.  A small chemical insult designed to target the amygdala, the hypothalamus, the cingulate gyrus.  The seats of emotion.  I’ve just sawed the legs off them.  Do you understand, 47?” “Your memories remain intact.  But now they’re a series of events with no significance.” The effects of this serum were devastating.  With the singular exception of 47, every other clone more or less lost the will to live.  They died of starvation, dehydration, infected bed sores... losing any and all motivation for anything.  Meanwhile, 47 became an apex predator of murder, stating that the opportunity to complete the assassinations handed down by Providence through Ort-Meyer were the reason he went through each day.  He had a hand in the deaths of a good number of clones, either via poisoning or smothering. SERUM #2) This serum was given in 1998 (that’s nine years after the first one) after Providence demands Ort-Meyer give them 47 as the only success of his very expensive perceived failure.  Ort-Meyer gives this serum, without the permission of Providence, very specifically so that 47 will not remember him to assassinate him.  This serum is given orally, and through a hose and pump apparatus.  Here are his exact words: “I only need one more day, and a moment alone.” (This is included strictly to point out that 47 must have escaped that exact same day) “I raised you as my own.  Taught you everything you needed to thrive in this fallen world.  And now I have to take it all away.  You would come after me.  It’s the only way I can be free from having to watch over my shoulder for the rest of my life.  It feels like drowning at first.  Don’t struggle.  I’m going to make you perfect.  Now you have all the potential in the world.” 47 wakes up later to the voice of Ort-Meyer over the intercom.  He implicitly trusts the voice, as he knows nothing else.  He knows about the existence of nothing outside of the room and the voice.  He starts making associations as he goes on, and points out that he understands how some things work (”The mechanics of breathing, the science that makes remotely operated restraints possible.”) and the justifications behind their existence (”Somewhere deep down, I even understand the need for them.”).  As he makes his escape, he observes that their is familiarity in the sensations of killing.  Out in the world, he continues killing on his own for about a year, claiming that his work is his only indulgence and that he doesn’t need things, friends, or stories.  He does also claim to have a few stray memories that haunt him-- elicit emotional responses in him (which we also see in Absolution with the whole “doctors” flashbacks). Edwards should not know about the mind-wiping, and his dialogue does not betray that he does.  Lucas apparently knows about both, but I’m going to attribute this to “Lucas became personally invested in learning what happened to 47 specifically after learning he was alive and working for ICA, so put the pieces together once he stole the data from Providence” because he wasn’t around for either serum.  Meanwhile, Edwards doesn’t have many reasons to worry about 47 until he starts trying to use his past as a lure for Diana.  Because his angle is to eventually reveal that it was 47 (AND 6... they were on the job together, per the comics) who killed her parents, and the fact that that juicy reveal would hurt that much more if he could reveal it as something 47 knowingly hid from her... I don’t think he’d go out of his way to discredit Janus’s reporting on the situation that only the first serum was given, and something else happened that allowed 47 to escape into the wild.  Janus is apparently Edwards’s beloved mentor, after all. ‘MT,’ I hear you say, ‘You’re rambling.  What’s the point here?’ The point is that 47, a man who does not mince words, makes the observation, when asked, that he remembers fear and anger.  These are the things that stand out to him in his memories.  The emotions.  This is in violation of the first serum’s properties as well as the second. Now, why is this happening?  Perhaps the first serum has an effective lifespan, and perhaps it’s wearing off.  Perhaps 47′s human (arguably superhuman, per some sources) brain is adapting to make necessary associations despite the “chemical insult”. Or... was this antidote supposed to also be an antidote for the first serum?  It is noteworthy that 47 starts behaving in ways that suggest more emotionally-driven motivations after the antidote is given-- at least it seems that way to me.  This seems especially the case at the very end of HITMAN 3 (Season 3), ‘Untouchable’, when 47 is confronted with his guilt, with his feelings about what he perceives Diana’s thoughts and feelings to be, and with his choice in the end concerning Edwards in the final confrontation.  No matter what he chooses, he owns his choice and all the baggage and consequences that come with it.  At the very end, in the cutscene 'New Deal', he tells Diana that he isn’t ‘Agent 47′ anymore.  That he chooses this path because he can. Perhaps I’m very much misunderstanding the themes, here, but 47 not remembering his past never struck me as something that held him back from choosing something else.  It has always been his inability to connect with others in any way outside of infiltrating their spaces and killing them... with very, very few exceptions... that has kept him from choosing a path outside of murder-for-hire (perfectly executed, of course ;) )  So I’m left at the end with the conclusion that 47 is now able to operate as his own conscience because he now has a... mostly usable independent sense of morality-- which requires a certain level of empathy. So... again: what’s the deal with the antidote?  Is it two-in-one?  This would be fine, (Okay, not really, I would then have to rant about how this only makes sense as a convenient plot device because for which person BESIDES Agent 47 would such an antidote be useful unless they also work with the first serum... and oh boy IMPLICATIONS... I know we keep crashing their stock but can we crash their production too?) except the antidote is only referenced as working to return 47′s memory... and his ‘warmer’ dialogues through the end of 2 and into 3 with his allies is simply treated as matter of course-- nobody points it out. I don’t know if this is a problem with my perspective, the writing, or what... But it seems like Lucas knows and doesn’t know about both serums at the same time (he comments specifically about 47 remembering things... but not him behaving more emotionally engaged)... Or like the games smooshed both serums together while the comics had them separate.  This isn’t like the whole “we don’t talk about Absolution though we do wink and nod that it mostly happened in canon” thing.  The comics were written as a companion for the HITMAN: World of Assassination trilogy! I know how I’m treating it for 'Monstrous’ (because if I don’t, I’ll go crazy and rage-quit the fic) but it still bothers me...  Anybody got any ideas?  Nuggets of lore I missed?  Am I the only one stressing out about this??

[mimzy-writing-online]

Hi! I just wanted to say thank you for writing the 'How to Write a Blind or Visually Impared Person'. I myself am not Blind or Visually Impared and i am in the process of writing the basis for such a character and your guide really helps. (And will help as well as be shared to those I know whom also need to see this.) I do have one question though: What about writing people blind from birth?

So, with writing characters who are blind from birth, it’s important to remember that there are both real people who have been completely blind from birth and people who have been legally blind or VI from birth. So, with blindness from birth, it doesn’t necessarily have to be no sight at all. It’s also important to note how small a minority that is in the blind community. 

Statistics

2.4% of Americans are living with visual disabilities. (Total (all ages): 7,675,600)

0.8% of school age Americans (ages 4-20) are living with a visual disability. ( Total: 706,400). This accounts for 9.2% of the entire blind community in the country.

90% of the entire blind community world wide has some remaining vision. People who are completely blind are a small minority.

Source: National Federation of the Blind

Molly Burke and her boyfriend Adrian (this post was written in 10/20/2020) are both people who have been legally blind from birth or a very young age (I can’t remember exactly when Adrian said he went blind, but it’s been his entire memorable life, though he still has remaining vision).

Most children are not diagnosed right away at birth. It heavily depends on the eye condition in question. Unless you had an easily observable symptom, such as nystagmus or pupils which don’t react to light or lazy eye, doctors and parents are unlikely to notice right away.

Most blind children don’t realize they’re blind until they’re a bit older and have developed enough communication skills to recognize that the visual experiences their family describes don’t match their visual experiences. Slowly small moments and situations begin to pop up where you realize there’s something everyone else seems able to do easily that you’re struggling with.

Particularly severe vision issues will be noticed by parents sooner than more subtle ones. The more usable sight a child has and the fewer visually observable symptoms they have, the longer they’re going to fly under the radar until the adults in their life realize something is different. Even then, it might not be until the child is able to communicate an inability to see what they’re describing that parents might realize something is wrong.

More severe vision issues will be picked up sooner. Parents realizing their children doesn’t respond to peek-a-boo or their eyes don’t follow moving items but sound will get their attention.

At this point in life, the economic situation of the child’s family will have a huge impact on how they grow up.

Families living below the poverty line or living in countries (America) where health care is expensive and treated as a privilege rather than a necessity and human right, or simply isn’t available at all, will have a much harder time getting their child diagnosed or treated.

Those families likely won’t have the education or knowledge needed to realize what is wrong and how they can help their child. Like health care, knowledge/education is treated like a privilege instead of a necessity and human right.

The education their children have access to will likely be lacking as well. Poorer communities have less funding for their students than wealthy communities. Those schools will have an even more restricted budget for accessible education, meaning they might not be able to pay the wages of a teacher’s aide to work one-on-one with that child in class, or have access to magnifiers and braille books/typewriters/education. Even though by legal law they must provide accommodations for disabled students, it doesn’t mean they will, and a financially disadvantaged family won’t have the resources to fight the school for their child’s rights (or even be aware of their child’s rights in the first place).

Children from middle class or wealthy families will (like all children in their community) have a huge advantage over their peers who attend schools with fewer resources. However, those blind children still have a disadvantage with their own peers.

Again, a school might refuse accommodations because administration can be jerks like that. It happens all the time. Parents may have to fight for their child’s rights to equal education through an aide, accessible school materials, and blind-friendly education.

Molly Burke made a video recently talking about her experiences with education as a blind child.

Learning Braille is a huge step in helping blind children, but it’s becoming less popular as audiobooks become more available. Audiobooks are amazing, and that method of reading is just as valid as any other, however a child reading solely with audiobooks will lose the literacy benefits. Like any writing system, Braille teaches spelling and grammatical rules necessary for educational and professional writing. While Braille is a writing system unique to itself, it still lives within the confines of whatever the native speaking language of the child is. Braille in English still uses the same spelling and grammatical function English uses. Braille in Spanish still bends to the rules of Spanish.

This is very different from different sign languages which can have grammar and syntax rules that completely differ from the native language of that country. Which is why you have languages called American Sign Language and British Sign Language and Canadian Sign Language that are using in English speaking countries but function very differently from both English and their fellow Sign counterparts. I’ve heard it said that ASL is more similar to the grammar structure of Chinese than it is to English, which gives the Deaf community a literacy disadvantage of their own when their native language and their reading/writing language are completely different languages.

Though there is a secondary system of Braille which uses shortened abbreviations. That is Grade 2 Braille, and it is learned after Grade 1.

This is Molly Burke’s video on Braille, which includes the history of Braille, how she personally learned it in school, and showing what a Braille Typewriter is and how it is used. 

I highly recommend it because Braille is something I only know from research and theory, not from personal experience.

Children who don’t learn Braille are statistically less likely to receive higher education and more likely to live below the poverty line.

Though blind adults are at a huge disadvantage in the work force with 80% of blind adults being unemployed but not by choice. Even though they have the same qualifications as other applicants, employers will almost always choose a sighted applicant over them, even if the sighted applicant is less qualified.

As adults, people who were born blind are just as affected by their upbringing, education, and family life as sighted adults are. The first eighteen years of their life shaped who they are as a person, so like any other character, you must consider what your character’s childhood must have been like for them to become the person they are now.

Once they reach adulthood, there isn’t much difference between people who were born blind or became blind early in life, compared to people who went blind as adults. But there are a few:

- Adults who were blind or became blind during their education are more likely to learn Braille than adults who went blind later in life.

-They are more likely to have O&M training. Though, only 10% of the blind community has a cane or guide dog, while the rest rely on remaining vision and sighted guides.

-O&M abilities (beyond mobility guides, there’s also learning how to use your remaining vision, your hearing and touch, and other senses to navigate without a cane/guide dog) are generally much better the longer you’ve been blind.

-Adults who have been living with blindness all their lives are more likely to be comfortable with their disability than newly blind adults, but that is not necessarily a rule. There is more confidence in living x-many years blind and knowing how to live your regular life without new major adjustments. 

-The fewer memories a person has of vision, the fewer visual things they are likely to miss. You can’t miss something you’ve never experienced or don’t remember. Doesn’t mean someone won’t wish they knew what stars and fireworks and the ocean looks like, but it won’t be as big a focus as it is for someone who went blind recently.

-People dream with whatever experiences they are living with now, meaning blind people dream with whatever their current vision is. Someone who has never seen or no longer retains any memories of sight will not have dreams with visuals.

(Note, memories of sight are something that fades with time, no matter when you went blind in life. After about 7 years of not seeing a particular image, you’re likely to have forgotten what that thing actually looked like, including color and other general vision things)

That is what I have for you. I’m going to link this to my masterpost so that it’s easily accessible for everyone and if you want to come back to it, you will be able to easily find it.

[moeruhoshi]

Hi! I hope you're doing well. Idk if you're taking requests but I had this cute idea where little dragon Natsu ends up really liking his teacher Anna (lucy's aunt) bc he smells Lucy on her but Natsu's not able to really understand that so he just knows he likes this teacher (this is based off of that one scene at the end in the anime). And then Anna brings Lucy to school with her bc no one can watch over her. Then Natsu sees Lucy and it all just clicks 👀🥰🥰

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

“Natsu,” Anna laughed as her little student smothered his face against the legs of her long skirt. “You have to go home, no more clinging to me, okay?”

“But Miss Anna smells really good,” The fledgling whined, using the little bit of strength in his hands to try and stay attached. His father sighed and pulled him by his waist, rolling his eyes when his son began to glare at him.

“Come on, Natsu,” Igneel grumbled and crouched down to his level. “Miss Anna has to go home too, and you’ll see her in the morning,”

“Okay...” He huffed, letting his weirdly strong grip on her go. His eyes glazed up at the smiling woman, his heart not so subtly skipping a beat. “G-Goodnight, Miss Anna!”

“Goodnight, Natsu,” She giggled and waved off the small boy who kept his eyes glued to her form as his father carried him away. He sighed lovingly, resting his head on Igneel’s shoulder. His tail had come out on its own, wagging behind him and slightly smacking his dad in the face.

“N-Natsu!” He sputtered, holding the appendage down. “You do this everyday, can’t you calm down already?”

“Nope!” He grinned as his tired father rolled his eyes, taking off into the air with his miniature prodigy.

Grandine greeted them at the door with a finger to her lips, holding Natsu’s younger sister in her arms.

“I just got Wendy to fall asleep so please be quiet,” She glared, bouncing the baby gently before going back into the house.

“But I wanted to tell mama about school today,” Their son pouted as he pulled off his shoes.

“You can at dinner, alright? But for now, you can sit and watch television.” Igneel ushered the little fire dragon into the living room, making sure the volume was just above two as he left Natsu by his lonesome.

He wandered upstairs to find his wife, Grandine gently putting Wendy to rest in her crib.

He carefully wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek, chuckling lowly as she melted into his hold.

“I love having babies, but I swear, no more,” She shook her head furiously. “Wendy’s sensitivity to sound is...ugh, I just forgot that this is something we’d have to deal with while she’s still so young,”

“Me too,” Igneel sighed, the both of them carefully exiting the room as Wendy cooed in her sleep. “But that might not be the worst of our problems,”

“What do you mean? Natsu’s not fighting at school again, is he?” She groaned, following her husband down the stairs.

“No, hes just very attatched to his teacher. It’s the way she smells, he wouldn’t let her go when I went to pick him up,”

“Oh gosh, that doesn’t sound good,” She pursed her lips and turned to face him. “But there’s nothing else weird about the way he’s acting, is there? I don’t think we need to be worried unless he starts getting possessive or antsy without her around.”

“You’re right, but I swear I’m going to lose it if his instincts wake up early while we’re dealing with Wendy’s hearing,”

“Worst case scenario, we can just send her to stay with my mother for a little while.”

The worst case scenario would prove to be a reality for the Dragneel family as the years went on, but the next day of school was the beginning of the worst of it.

It wasn’t until a dragon reached their adolescence that their instincts woke within them, making it much easier for the parent to walk their child through the understanding of their own body.

And it wasn’t completely unheard of for a dragon to meet his mate early on in life. The only worry that came along with said encounter was a possible, accidental marking. It was hard to tell a child to fight off that kind of urge, especially when it was such an overpowering voice in their mind telling them to do so. And without proper supervision, there was no telling what might happen. It was only when the aftermath occurred, that things went haywire.

Sure, an older dragon could stand being away from their mate for however long they needed to be, were mature enough to understand that it was just a part of life. But for someone so young, they’d whine and cry like you had just taken their favorite bear away. And a baby dragon would have no issue with destroying everything around them in efforts to get what was theirs back at their side.

When Natsu walked through the doors of his preschool, he was quick to run from his father's side and into the open arms of his teacher waiting to greet him.

Igneel watched with a steady smile, but took it as a good sign when all Natsu did was take in a big whiff of her skirt before skipping off to find his friends.

He left for work feeling relatively secure with his assumptions, not knowing the madness he’d soon be faced with that evening.

When everyone had arrived, Anna clapped her hands and had all the students gather on a large and colorful carpet.

“Alright, so today is going to be a little different,” The teacher started, staring into the excited and few wandering eyes. “We have someone joining us today! I want you to make her feel super welcome, because she’s my niece! Everyone, I’d like you to meet Lucy!”

A little blonde girl, not much taller than the rest of them, appeared as if out of nowhere from behind Miss Anna’s skirt.

She waved her small hand and blushed in embarrassment, not used to so many people looking at her all at once.

Natsu, who always sat at the front of the carpet, felt his heart begin to pound. He stared at Lucy with wide eyes and felt a grin split before he knew it.

She was the source of Miss Anna’s hypnotic smell, why hadn’t he met her until now? If Miss Anna knew that she smelled so good, wouldn’t she have brought her here sooner?!

He wanted to stand up and tackle her in a hug, but he knew Miss Anna wouldn’t like it if he interrupted her outside of recess time.

“Lucy lives in Acalypha, but she’ll be here in Magnolia this week while her parents are out of town,” Their teacher said, everyone excitedly waving and saying hi. Though Gray tried not to look too excited about a new friend when he saw Juvia staring relentlessly at him.

“We’ll start this morning with arts and crafts, okay? So go sit at your usual tables,” She said, allowing the bunch of toddlers to stand and find their way to their seat. “Natsu, could I ask you to do a very special thing for me?”

“Uh huh! I can do anything, Miss Anna!” He chirped, practically bouncing as he stood in place.

“Could I ask you to look after Lucy while she’s here?” She asked, crouching down to push her little niece a little closer to the dragon. “She’ll need a good friend to show her the ropes, don’t you think so?”

“Mhm! Just trust me, Luce! I’ll be your bestest friend ever!” Natsu said excitedly, reaching out to grab her by the hand.

“O-Okay,” Lucy squeaked a bit as he pulled her along with him, showing her to his table and the others that sat with him. 

It would have been more obvious as to what was going on if Natsu was more rambunctious, but he was the epitome of calm. Though that really should have set off at least one alarm. Since when was that fire dragon ever this well behaved?

He was kind and didn’t come on too strongly, in the way that he would have towards Gray or Erza. Instead, he was clear and coherent in his usage of words, or as clear as a six year old was able to get.

When Lucy looked like she was confused, he helped her out with instructions or ran off to collect the materials she really wanted to use. Miss Anna would have paid more mind to this if she hadn’t had to focus her attention on one of the more upset students. It was Millianna, as usual, crying over her inability to be at home with her pet cat.

Natsu made sure she got to know his friends too once it was time for recess, the little blonde hitting it off right away with Levy and Cana. Erza was a bit embarrassed to meet someone knew, but warmed up to Lucy’s sweet smile in no time. Juvia...well Juvia was alright the rest of the day since Gray agreed to hold her hand. And Gajeel was always nonchalant, not caring about what was going on...unless Levy was scolding him.

At lunch, if anyone had the ability to notice, would have seen Natsu absolutely swooning from his seat across from Lucy.

He sighed lovingly and pushed his round cheeks up with his hands, leaning forward on them to admire her. She was in the middle of talking about her favorite book to the pixie beside her, Erza and Cana both fumbling to tie her hair in loose braids. They swore they could do it as good as Miss Anna could. 

Once she looked his way, his heart began skipping, his cheeks became flushed, and his adrenaline; well Natsu didn’t really understand that feeling. He really liked the way she looked at him though. 

Lucy laughed and picked a grain of rice that rested on his cheek, popping it between her lips as she stole it from him. 

Uwah...

During nap time, he couldn’t help himself anymore. Lucy absolutely, one hundred percent, needed to sleep by his side. 

Not that she complained. Rather, she was excited that someone else was just as excited to be her friend. 

Natsu smothered his nose against her cheek and fell asleep, holding her like he did his dragon-bear at home. Lucy liked that he was warm and snuggly, like her doggy, Plue. 

That was the first memory of the best sleep he’d ever gotten in his life. And any nap he had at her side in the future would count as well.

When his dad came by at the end of the day...it’s a good thing that everything indoors was magic-proofed. 

Lucy had been in a separate room at the time so she was spared the sight of a mad-raving, fire-spewing and burning, fledgling have to be dragged out of the school.

There was something inside of him that screamed, felt pain beyond what pain had meant. 

No no no no no no no no!

It drove him practically literally insane. It pounded in his brain, in every nerve end and even more so. It was as if he left his heart behind and all that could replace it was rage. 

Needless to say that Wendy and Grandine were out of the house before Igneel got anywhere near them.

Sleeping spells worked, if only for the night. It was spine-chilling to see him so catatonic in the morning. Like all that fire from the night before was all he had, that the flame that rested at the pit of his stomach couldn’t be lit again. 

But when Natsu came back to school and saw Lucy standing there, waving with the cutest grin ever on her face, well...Igneel probably the only one who got upset.

“Anna,” He sighed and wiped a tired hand over his face. “We need to talk, if you have the time right now,”

[goneseriesanalysis]

Drake Merwin

I am soo sorry, this is super late but I got incredibly distracted with reading and forgot that literally anything else existed. Drake was a really hard character for me to analyse because his characterisation was just so disappointing to me - but luckily my intrinsic desire to have everyone hear my opinions prevailed, and so here it is. I hope you enjoy!!

Spoiler Warning: Major spoilers for Gone, Minor spoilers for the rest of the series and the monster trilogy 

Old Opinion: I had a sort of morbid obsession with Drake and thought he was a top-tier villain

New Opinion: So far Drake is tied with Astrid for most-changed opinion. His character has almost no-depth and could be placed in almost any story without changing a single thing about him - and it would make sense. I found myself desperately trying to make him more interesting than he is in an attempt to justify younger me’s obsession - but alas I was unsuccessful. He had a lot of potential, but instead he ended up as a copy-paste villain with no realistic motivations and no real intrigue. 

1.) DRAKE’S APPEARANCE:

Drake is, I think, the character who is best (as in most thoroughly) described in the first book. Not only do we get an idea of his actual appearance beyond the vaguest possible descriptions (sorry to Sam, Caine, Diana and every minor character) but we also get some idea as to the effect his appearance has on other people.  

In Chapter 14, when we are first introduced to the Coates kids, Drake is described as, “a smiling, playful, mean-eyed kid with shaggy, sandy-coloured hair.” I actually really like this description. Contrasting “smiling” and “playful” with “mean” really brilliantly sets Drake up to be a complex villain – the kind of villain we all love to hate, who cracks a joke while slitting your throat. It has the implication of a layered personality but sadly, this is not the villain we get. In fact his character in the first chapter compared to the character we get as the book continues is so drastically different that it almost seems like mg did a complete 180 on his character. An original description is supposed to give us some indication as to what a character is like – their personality and role in the story, and we know that mg can do this really well. (Sam’s non-descript description setting him up to be the underdog, Quinn’s mismatched attire hinting at his inability to fit in, Astrid’s colour scheme reflecting her innocence and religiosity), and so it seems particularly odd, not to mention disappointing, that Drake’s description gives us…nothing. No real indication as to who he is or his purpose other than to hint to him being an antagonist (which we already guessed from his affiliation with Caine.) I could go on and on about what a waste Drake’s character was, but I’ll save it for a later paragraph.

We will then skip ahead to Chapter 37 where both Howard and Lana describe a similarity between Drake and Pack Leader:

“The one time she had seen Drake Merwin. He had made her think of Pack Leader: strong, hyper alert, dangerous. Now, the lean physique looked gaunt, the shark’s grin was a tight grimace, his eyes were red-rimmed. His stare, once languidly menacing, was now intense, burning hot. He looked like someone who had been tortured beyond endurance.”

“The two of them, two of a kind, it seemed to Howard, stared holes into each other.”

This is a much better example of mg using descriptions to establish the purpose of a character. By drawing a comparison between these two, mg sets up Drake’s later role in the books, where he replaces Pack Leader as the gaiphage’s right-hand man. This almost leads me to believe that mg had decided very early on that Drake was going to desert Caine and this is possibly why he seems so out of place and underdeveloped as Caine’s underling in the first two books. Mg had already moved on from this side of his character…and it shows. Lana’s description of Drake also works as a basis for showing the reader how he has changed since losing his arm (before gaining his whip) and acts as an insight into his current mental state – which is important as we don’t get much introspection during Drake’s POV’s. But, I still have a few issues with this. First of all, his “lean physique”. Now this isn’t really a problem all by itself, but unless I have forgotten what 14 year olds looks like (which is a possibility though I doubt it) I don’t think that they should be muscly with minimal body fat. And Drake is not the only character he does this with. Quinn gets extremely muscly later on in the books (I’ll admit that there is a plausible reason behind this so this example isn’t terrible but it’s mentioned like every 5 sentences) and in Fear Caine is described as having wash-board abs. Why are we sexualising children?? Children should be pudgy and awkward and still growing into their bodies, not lean and muscly!! The attractive, damaged man who hates women for no reason at all is also a really really really common trope and tbh I’m just so bored of it. It’s not relatable (at least it shouldn’t be) and it’s just really unimaginative – although it does help us to understand Drake’s character as we’ve seen him before so many times in all types of media. My second issue with this description is the way it really really highlights how much of a waste of character Drake was. The potential of a high-school bully with a skewed world-view due to the death of his father and the later abuse of his mother at the hands of his replacement father figure trying hard to impress the charming “leader” with unimaginable power (that he so desperately wants) only to be undermined at every turn by a girl who teases him by pointing out his flaws and insecurities taking his anger out on everyone around him (especially women) as a way to cope with his childhood traumas then turning into a heartless monster who not only enjoys others pain but lives for it after being “tortured beyond endurance”, was astronomical. But we don’t get that. Instead we get a cheesy, one-dimensional cartoon villain. The change that his body and mind go through after his maiming should have been pivotal to his character, but that just doesn’t come across in the writing. :/ But more on this later.

And last but not least, the whip-hand, which is very important to Drake’s character. It turns his actual body into a weapon and his excitement over this is indicative of his sadistic nature. Again, I think this is an example of a wasted opportunity. I would have liked mg to have gone in to depth about how Drake’s body undergoing this change affected his psyche (and I’m not counting his one-off line in the monster trilogy). I think it could be argued that Drake’s “change” is a metaphor for him going through puberty. Him gaining the whip that ultimately turned him into his very own weapon shows his transition from a child [a little messed up but still just a kid] into a monster, someone who is capable of committing atrocities without a second thought. It would have been particularly interesting for Drake and Orc’s final battle to put some focus on the fact that they both suffer through monstrous physical changes that can be used to represent their shift from children to young adults but whereas one relishes in this, one is completely disgusted. The whip-hand is described as being an “impossible blood-red snake” and then that “It was stretched. Like it had been turned into dark, blood-red taffy. It wrapped twice around his body.” – Both of these occurring in Chapter 39. I don’t have much to comment about this – other than that I think red is great colour choice for Drake, thematically at least.

I know this point was mostly about what Drake could have been as opposed to an actual analysis of his appearance, but I’m just so tired of the attractive misogynistic villain that seems to appear in every single piece of media. His characterisation really bummed me out and put me into a slump so instead of analysing his appearance I decided to roast him instead. But, onto actual analysis now (I am going to further expand on some of the points I made here I promise).

2.) DRAKE’S PERSONALITY AND CHARACTER

I mentioned in the previous point that a lot of Drake’s characterisation seems like an afterthought at best and one of the things that made me think this, is the inconsistencies with his character and the most obvious example of this is the discrepancies with his birthday. In chapter 20, Diana says that his birthday is “April twelfth, just one minute after midnight.” But, in Chapter 33 we get the line “Sooner would be better,’ Drake drawled, ‘what with me having a month.” This is a really small nit-pick, I know, but it just really bugs me that mg overlooked something as simple as a birthday – especially when birthdays are such an important plot point in this book. But anyway, moving on. I promise this whole review isn’t going to be negative.

Backtracking now to Chapter 14. Drake’s character here seems to differ quite drastically from his later characterisation. He seems here to be an example of the laughably evil trope, he has a kind of dry sarcastic humour that is quite fun and seems to lighten the tone of the story a little bit. Rather than showing us the boringly disgusting misogynistic villain that Drake turns out to be, we instead see a funny, charismatic character who seems to prefer picking on those who already have power – as is seen here:

“Drake paused halfway, turned back, and spoke for the first time. In an amused voice he said, ‘Oh, um, Captain Orc? Have your people – the ones who aren’t injured- line up outside. We’ll work out your… um, duties.’                                  With a grin that was almost a snarl, Drake added a cheerful, ‘Later’.” – Chapter 33

Now I understand that the reason we don’t see the real Drake here is because Sam is obviously not yet aware of his true personality – my issue lies in the fact that based on just this small excerpt here, I expected so much more from his character. We get hints of his sadistic nature here, with him joking about Cookie’s horrific injury and clearly taking joy in exerting power over Orc, but it is evenly balanced by the fact that he’s kind of amusing and we don’t really like Orc at this point anyway. Can we see that something isn’t quite right with him?? Yes. But do we kind of like him anyway?? Well I did. At this point. I would have really loved it if mg had carried on this idea of Drake abusing those who already have power – him enjoying to take down bully after bully so he can be King bully, instead of him picking on people who he perceives as weak and vulnerable. Mg relying on misogyny as a motivator is just really disappointing to me because there is no depth to it, and it’s pretty lazy. He hates Diana because she is a woman and he sees women as beneath him?? Weak. Over-used. Dull. He hates Diana because she has  power over Caine in a way that he never can, which makes him feel insecure in himself and the fragile sense of stability and power that he has struggled to cultivate within his damaged psyche?? Yes pls. Not only would this have made Drake a much more engaging character, but it would also have made his desertion of Caine in hunger much more impactful. And while I think there are aspects of this within his character, which I will go into later, I wish there had been more of it. Again, I’m sorry that this has become more of a “what could have been” rather than an analysis but there really is just so little to analyse without just pointing out obvious facts and statements. There’s no spice here :/

Moving on now to Chapter 16, where we as an audience, as well as the characters within the book, begin to realise what Drake truly is – an unhinged madman. We are told by Sam that Drake has been abusing his power as Sheriff – which particularly stands out as, so far at least, Drake is the only member of Coates who has shown this kind of behaviour (Caine is actually a pretty sound leader until he loses his shit and attacks Sam). And this is the first major distinction that we get between Caine and Drake and their capacity as villains in the story. Caine is a bad person who will do bad things to achieve his goals, he is power-hungry and ambitious but he is not needlessly violent. Everything he does he (in his own mind) is able to justify as it helps him to achieve his vision. Drake, on the other hand, doesn’t really seem to have an end goal. He is violent for the sake of being violent – he is a sadist who enjoys the suffering of other people as we see here, “Drake was more than a little scary. Kids who defied Drake or any of his so-called sheriff’s had been slapped, punched, pushed, knocked down or, in one case, dragged into a bathroom and given a swirlie. Fear of Drake was replacing fear of the unknown.” Now, we still don’t get to see the full extent of Drake’s madness here. Most of the crimes listed are pretty mundane bully things – they’re still wrong, but they aren’t life-threatening. He hasn’t bashed anyone’s head in with a baseball bat. While Caine is playing with politics, Drake seems unable to move past his role of high school bully. If he had played it right, the role of Sheriff would have been perfect for him. I mean, how many actual police officers get away with literal murder in the name of “upholding the law”?? But he is unable of seeing the bigger picture, unable to grow and fit the new world order as Caine does so naturally, and so, instead of properly taking on the role of Sheriff and building up his own authority in this way, he turns back to his tried and tested method – hurt them and they’ll fall in line.

I particularly enjoy this as I think it explains, a little bit more, why he hates Diana and Astrid so much. Now I know the bottom line is simply that he is a violent misogynist – but that doesn’t explain why he hates Diana and Astrid specifically. Is it because they’re both attractive women and he is unable to distinguish sex and violence in his head?? Partly yes, but then Taylor is also described as attractive (and most people find her annoying) and yet he doesn’t seem to hate her to this extent. I think the real reason he hates these two specifically, more than anyone else, is because he simply cannot understand them – and that scares him (although he is unwilling to admit it). Drake only knows how to gain power through violence – he sees this work at home, he used it on Holden, he used it to gain his reputation at Coates and, although he has the ability to gain authority in other ways, he continues to use this method even now in the FAYZ. Diana and Astrid cannot do this, they are not fit to fight, they are not able to use violence to assert their status – and yet they both have more power in the FAYZ than he does. They make him question his whole world view and, as he cannot or will not adapt to the new hierarchy of the FAYZ, he resorts to trying to destroy them, in order to return the world to what it was before. His hatred of others gaining power through (what he sees as) unconventional means is then further established with his dislike of actual powers and the people who have them:

“I’m sick of all this powers crap. You saw what we did to freaks at Coates?? Who do you think it was that took care of that?? All these kids with their stupid so-called powers. Starting fires and moving stuff around and reading your mind and all?? Who do you think it was grabbed them one by one in their sleep and beat them down and when they woke up their hands were setting in a block of cement??

[…]

That’s right. And I didn’t even have a gun then. It’s not about who’s got powers, morons. It’s about who’s not afraid. And who’s going to do what has to be done.”

We get told by Diana that it was Drake’s idea to cement the kids in the first place (and a bad one at that) and I really think that is all the evidence you need to see that Drake’s hatred and fear all stem from his complete inability to adapt. He is trapped in a cycle of abuse that started with his father, a police officer who teaches him how to shoot people (however unwillingly) and is then continued by his step-father (an actual abuser) rendering him incapable of recognising any kind of authority if it is not gained from violent means. And so of course he hates the powers – none of the kids gained their powers through suffering or through causing suffering. They didn’t earn their authority in any valid way, according to him. (This is also another reason why I think Drake was so ecstatic at gaining his whip-hand. He suffered for it and therefore, in his twisted mind, he earned it. It is physical proof of his supposed power over these kids.) It’s tragic really – but mg then goes on to make him so disgustingly unsympathetic that his story loses its meaning. I love mg’s writing but Drake’s character truly was butchered for shock value and plot convenience and it makes me so sad.

Ok back to Chapter 16. Here, not only do we hear about some of the things that Drake is capable of, but we see them as well. His beat-down of Orc is the first indicator we get that Drake is someone we should really be afraid of. Heads up, this is a long quote:

“Nobody move,’ Drake said.                                                                                    Orc pushed Edilio off and jumped to his feet. He started kicking Edilio, landing size-eleven Nike blows into Edilio’s defensive arms. Sam jumped in to help his friend, but Drake was quicker. He stepped behind Orc, grabbed him by the hair, yanked his head back, and smashed his elbow into Orc’s face. Blood poured from Orc’s nose, and he howled in rage. Drake hit him again and released Orc to fall to the concrete.                                                                                                ‘Which part of “nobody move” did you not understand, Orc?’ Drake demanded. Orc rose to his knees and went for Drake like a linebacker, Drake stepped aside, nimble as a matador. He stuck his hand out and said to Chaz, ‘Give me that.’    Chaz handed him the bat.                                                                                        Drake hit Orc in the ribs with a short, sharp forwards thrust of the bat. Then again in the kidneys and again in the side of the head. Each blow was measured, accurate, effective. Orc rolled over on to his back, helpless, exposed. Drake pushed the thick end of the bat against Orc’s throat.                                  ‘Dude. You really need to learn to listen when I talk.’                                              Then Drake laughed, stepped back, twirled the bat in the air, caught it and rested it on his shoulder. He grinned at Sam.”

“Sam had gone up against bullies before. But he’d never seen anything like Drake Merwin. Orc outweighed Drake by at least fifty pounds, but Drake had handled him like a little toy action figure.”

Orc has already been established as the top bully in Perdido beach – we’ve already seen that our main character is afraid of him – and for good reason. And so for Orc to be defeated so casually and so easily is shocking. It lets us know that the old world order has collapsed and old fears are fading away with it, with new, much more threatening adversaries taking their place. I actually think that this scene was exceptionally clever of mg. Drake is attacking someone who has already been set up as an antagonist, at the same time rescuing Edilio, who the reader has been conditioned to like. But, through context clues, we know that this is not a good thing. It sets up the villainous nature of the Coates kids, Orc’s redemption, Drake and Orc’s rivalry and Sam’s fear of Drake. And it feels natural, even after re-reading the book multiple times. It’s scenes like these that really remind me how great of a writer mg is.

Another thing I really wanted to talk about here IS Drake and Orc’s rivalry because, yet again, I think mg missed a huge opportunity with this. Drake and Orc are very similar before, and in the early days of the FAYZ. Both have abusive fathers (a step-father in Drake’s case but still), both enjoy asserting their power over people through violent means and both are put in positions of power that they are unable to fully take advantage of – Sheriff and Sheriff Deputy. And even as the books continue, similarities can still be found. They both suffer mutations that turn their bodies into grotesque weapons, dehumanising them and alienating them from their peers and That Scene in Plague tells us that Orc and Drake sometimes have similar “desires”. Their stories are constantly intertwined, with them being played off of each other from the start and Orc becoming Drake’s jailor later on (and in turn Drake sort of becoming his). Their differences come from their reactions to the horrific acts of violence they have committed – and of course why they do them. I’m going to make a whole separate post on this because it’s long enough to be a standalone, but my I just wish mg had played up both their similarities and differences more. It would have made Drake so much more interesting.

We also get more hints at his sadism in this scene. He is later unbothered that Betty has been hurt and it seems that the only reason he attacked Orc was because it gave him an opportunity to assert his dominance over him. All in all, this is one of my personal favourite scenes in the book as it establishes characters, themes and relationships very well. I just wish some of these had been developed further – but mg dropping certain aspects of the story does seem to be a common problem.

The final thing I wanted to talk about in regards to Drake’s personality and character is this line we get in Chapter 23, “It was small, just two bedrooms, very neat, very organised, the way Drake liked things.” This was another thing that irked me slightly. It’s such a small aspect of his characterisation but it reinforced the idea that drake is just another cookie-cutter villain with no real personality, nothing that makes him stand out in the sea of white male psychopaths with a hatred for women. His whole character could be replaced with any other misogynistic psychopath at no detriment to the story. My immediate though when reading this was that even the smallest aspects of his character can be seen in other, more developed villains – this line in particular is hugely reminiscent of Patrick Bateman. Nothing seems to be his own. No aspect of his character is even remotely unique. (I think this may also be why some young fans develop an obsession with him. His character is comfortable because we’ve seen it so many times before.) He is so entirely replaceable and replicable - only reason he isn’t completely forgettable is because you are constantly plagued by the horrific things he has done. Mg sacrificed depth and development for shock value and it’s so disappointing

3.) DRAKE’S PAST

Onto Drake’s life before the FAYZ. Not only does Drake receive some of the longest and most POV time in this book, he is also the character whose life before the FAYZ we learn the most about (with the possible exception of Sam). This is especially shocking to think about seen as Drake is arguably one of the most underdeveloped characters in the whole book, but anyway. There are two scenes I’m going to talk about here, both occurring in Chapter 23, with the first being his dad teaching him how to shoot. I apologise in advance for the long quote:

“His father had taught him how to shoot, using his service pistol. Drake still remembered the first time.

[…]

He remembered the way his father had taught him to grip the butt firmly but not too tight. To rest his right hand in the palm of his left and sight carefully, to turn his body sideways to present a smaller target if someone was shooting back. His father had had to yell because they were both wearing ear protection.                  ‘If you’re target shooting, you centre the front sight in the notch of the rear sights. Raise it till your sights are sitting right under your target. Let your breath out slowly and squeeze.’                                                                                          That first bang, the recoil, the way the gun jumped six inches, the smell of the powder – it was all as clear in Drake’s mind as any memory he had.                                                                                                                                                   […]

‘What if I’m not shooting if I’m not shooting at a target?’ He’d asked his father. ‘What if I’m shooting at a person?’                                                                          ‘Don’t shoot a person,’ his father had said. But then he relented, relieved no doubt to find something he could share with his disturbing son. ‘Different people will tell you different techniques. But if it’s me, say I’m doing a traffic stop and I think I see he citizen reaching for a weapon, and I’m thinking I may have to take a quick shot? I just point. Point like the barrel is a sixth finger. You point and if you have to fire, you shoot half the clip, bang, bang, bang, bang.’                    ‘Why do you shoot so many times?’                                                                    ‘Because if you have to shoot, you shoot to kill. Situation like that, you’re not aiming carefully for his head or his heart, you’re pointing at the centre of mass and you’re hoping you get a lucky shot., but if you don’t, if all you’re hitting is shoulder or belly, the sheer velocity of the rounds will knock him down.”

Ok so the first thing I want to analyse here, is how important this memory clearly is to Drake. He remembers it fondly, in immense detail and seems to call back on it when he needs to clear his head (notice how this memory is placed while Drake is trying to figure out what to do, not while he is doing it.) It seems that rather than just using this memory as a source of useful information, it is also a source of comfort to him. Now there are some things that I really wish mg had told us that would help to analyse this scene better, like: How old was Drake when this memory took place?? How old was Drake when his father died?? How did his father die?? But alas, we don’t know these things (at least not that I’m aware of, and not within this book) so I’m going to try and do the best I can with the information that we have. Now, in Light, Drake makes it seem like his step-fathers behaviour has been significant in forming his worldview – which makes sense, trauma does that. But he spends half of his time away at Coates, which says to me that for this behaviour to have had such a profound effect on him, his step-father must have been around for a while. Right?? I’m gonna take a guess at 3-4 years at the least. Give Drake’s mother about a year to meet and start dating this man after the passing of her husband – this means that Drake would have been around 9/10 at the latest when this scene took place. That’s pretty young. Like, this is a formative memory and from the way it’s written, it seems like this may be some of the only bonding that Drake and his father ever did together. No wonder Drake has such an unhealthy obsession with guns as is seen with these quotes:

“He started from Astrid’s house, which was already beginning to smoke. He worked his way methodically, a hunter, looking for any movement. Each time he spotted someone walking or running or biking, he would take a look at them through the rifle scope, line them up in the crosshairs.                                        He felt like God. All he had to do was squeeze the trigger.” – Chapter 23

“Drake kept all three guns loaded all the time. They were set out on the dining room table, a display, something to be gazed at lovingly.” – Chapter 23

“Drake could not leave the gun alone. He kept thumbing the safety on and off. He rolled down the window and aimed it at stop signs as they passed, but did not fire.” – Chapter 31

Drake shooting Sam and his gleeful reaction – Chapter 34

For him, guns are the ultimate symbol of power and authority. He was introduced to these weapons of incredible power at such a young age – of course he loves them. That being said, it seems that Drake has always been “disturbed” so I suppose we can’t fully blame his father and step-father for his mind-set – and I have to say I don’t really like this. Drake’s issue as a character is that he is completely de-humanised by all the horrific things he does. By having it seem like Drake was irredeemable from the off-set, it just adds to this idea and again removes any possible depth or character development. Imo it would have been much better to present Drake as becoming the way he is AFTER his father’s death. It would bring a sense of tragedy to his character – the way he uses his father’s advice to hunt down Astrid would seem less like a by-product of his sadism and more like a misguided attempt to feel connected to his deceased father.

However, flawed though it is, this scene does give us some insight as to why Drake is the way he is – through the characterisation of his father. Admittedly we don’t get much, but one line really stood out to me, “Because if you have to shoot, you shoot to kill.” Ummm..sir?? I don’t think that’s how police officers work. Isn’t your goal to incapacitate – not to just kill on sight?? The fact that he not only stands by this rule himself, but also gives this advice to his CHILD is disconcerting. Drake is not only receiving this harmful rhetoric from his father figure but also a police officer. Someone who is meant to uphold the law. I think this links back to my earlier point on how Drake only recognises authority if it is gained by violent means. While we get no indication that his real father was ever violent to Drake or his mother, he openly tells Drake that when he is upholding the law (in this hypothetical situation) he does it by using force. That is a dangerous thing to tell a child, especially a child who you already think is disturbed. This twisted-take on a father-son relationship nicely sets the precedent for Drake’s warped perceptions, I just wish it had been developed further. And this leads us nicely into the next scene – the shooting of Holden:

“He remembered with vivid, slow-motion detail the time he had shot Holden, the neighbour’s kid who liked to come over and annoy him. That had been a bullet to the thigh, with a low-level calibre gun, and still the kid had nearly died. That ‘accident’ had landed Drake at Coates.”

Again, first and foremost I just wish we had a little bit more information. It is not clear whether this situation occurred before or after his father’s death – which seems like a pretty important detail to me. Although, we don’t actually find out that Drake’s father is dead within this book, and this omission again makes me feel like mg adding that detail was little more than an after-thought. It feels like in Light he wanted to quickly try and make Drake more of a sympathetic character and so he added in an abusive step-dad to try and tone down or at least explain Drake’s violence and misogyny. It seems like Drake is a plot-point first and a character second and the lack of detail here really highlights that for me. What purpose did these scenes really have in the story?? They did very little to flesh out his character, they introduced no new themes or relationships. It seems like mg just wanted to let us know – “Hey! Drake knows how to use a gun. That’s gonna be important later.” That being said, there are a couple of other things I would like to quickly mention. Firstly, I think the fact that Drake did not aim to kill Holden, even though he could have, is meant to be indicative of his change between then and now. It’s done to tell us that Drake wasn’t always this bad – there was at one point some hope. For this to have the desired effect though, I really think mg should have waited until after Drake lost his arm to straight up try and murder Astrid and Little Pete. Like, you can’t tell us that Drake was a little messed up but still redeemable before his maiming and then go and have him try to kill a random girl and her five year old brother. Because that’s more than a little messed up (and that’s not even mentioning the cementing). And it also contrasts the idea that Drake has always been disturbed. An idea that was introduced to us not even a page ago!! The other thing I wanted to pick up on, which I actually quite liked, is the ambiguous “who liked to come over and annoy him.” Because this is Drake’s point of view – so “annoy” could mean anything. Was Holden actually just an annoying kid?? Was he just trying to be Drake’s friend?? Or was he actually a bully and Drake doesn’t want to admit it?? I guess we’ll never know.

4.) DRAK’ES MOTIVATIONS

For this point, I wanted to focus on three particular motivators: Caine, Diana and Astrid. These are the three people, I believe, who provide, either consciously or unconsciously, the motivation for his actions within the FAYZ. I’ll start first with Astrid and Diana, the two people who Drake hates the most. Throughout this book it is clear that Drake has no real goals – he has no desire to be in control like Caine, no desire to re-invent the world like Albert. All he wants is to cause pain, with his preferred targets being these two. And, as I’ve said before, I think this is partly because he hates the authority that they have within the FAYZ – which stems from manipulation and intelligence rather than violence.

In Chapter 20, Drake explains his hatred for Diana, “Drake had made the time to check out Diana’s psych file the day after the FAYZ came. But her file had been missing by then. In its place she had left Drake’s file lying open on the doc’s desk and drawn a little smiley face beside the word ‘sadist’.                                Drake had already hated her. But after that, hating Diana had become a full-time occupation.” What I take from this scene, is that Drake’s loathing stems from Diana’s ability to get under his skin, to make him feel inferior – to annoy him. (Perhaps Holden had a similar talent). I’m going to assume that his prior hatred of her can be boiled down to his misogyny and his disgust at Caine’s weakness for her, both of which have been explicitly stated in the text. His hatred after this though, comes from a pretty mundane incident. I mean all she did was get there quicker, and do exactly what he was going to do to her. And so I think this loathing is less about what she did and more about his own personal reaction to it. Diana was able to weaponise Drake’s own anger against him – to make him feel inferior and powerless. She challenges Drake’s fragile perception of authority and takes a diagnosis that he seems to not only be ok with, but is actually proud of, and makes him feel embarrassed. His whole perception of power is rooted in the idea that his ability to inflict pain on others with no guilt or remorse is what makes him better, it is what gives him his power. But she takes this idea and belittles him for it and so his initial reaction is to attack. This is an idea that is again seen with Astrid. Astrid intentionally tries to make Drake feel inferior by bringing up his biggest insecurity, Diana’s treatment of him “Doesn’t it bother you that Diana treats you like some wild animal she keeps on a leash?” And she does escape him – twice. Her and her autistic brother (and we already know how Drake feels about autistic people). She also proves herself to be more intelligent than him, in their little argument over the r-slur. Drake only gets violent after he realises that, in an intellectual sense, she has more power than him. It seems to be his defence mechanism just as much as his pleasure – and therefore Astrid and Diana’s power over him motivates him to use it.

Now onto Caine. Caine and Drake’s relationship is, for me, one of the most interesting aspects of Drake’s character and while I’ll only be mentioning it in its capacity as a motivator here, I have a whole post planed out for it. Drake seems to simultaneously hate Caine and admire him. He is constantly looking to impress him and the only time we ever see Drake think about betraying him in this book is when Caine gives his attention to Diana rather than Drake. And, because of this, I can kind of understand why people ship them (although I personally dislike the idea of Drake being gay). A lot of the time this motivation is completely unprompted by Caine himself, like in these quotes:

“Drake cursed and, again, for just a moment, felt the almost desperate fear of failing Caine. He wasn’t worried about what Caine would do to him – after all, Caine needed him – but he knew if he failed to carry out Caine’s orders, Diana would laugh.” – Chapter 23

“I got him’ Drake announced. ‘I got them all.’                                                    ‘Yes, you did,’ Caine said. ‘Good work, Drake.” – Chapter 34

In Chapter 23, it seems that both Drake’s need to impress Caine and his need to prove to himself that he is better than Diana are his main motivators for his extreme attack on Astrid. I think it’s important to note that he only planned on trying to catch her, until Caine told him to kill her. His sadistic nature is brought out in full because he needs to prove himself to Caine. But why does he?? If he is planning on taking over from Caine in the end, why does he have a “desperate fear of failing Caine”?? Sure, part of it is his desire to prove himself to be better than Diana. But even this has roots in his absolute need for Caine to take notice of him. Drake is drawn to Caine because of his power and authority over people. Caine seems to be the closest thing that Drake can get to an equal, someone who shares the same motivations, ambitions and worldview (of course Caine and Drake do not share these things, but Drake doesn’t realise this…yet.) He seeks validation from Caine because he wants to have these things in common with someone – yet another motivation for his hatred of Diana as she constantly gets in the way of this.

We also know that Caine is, at least, partly aware of his effect on Drake. He is paranoid that Drake will turn on him (because Caine sees being equal to someone as relinquishing power) and he is able to manipulate Drake’s misguided feelings when he wants to – most notably in Chapter 36:

“It’s not Diana or Chunk or even me,’ Caine said. ‘It’s none of us, Drake. It’s Sam. It’s Sam who did this to you, Drake. You want him to get away with it? Or do you want to live long enough to make him suffer?”

This is such a clever moments as it sets up Drake’s whole character in Hunger, and it’s false. Because yes, Sam is the one who burned Drake’s arm and Drake has every right and reason to hate him. But it was Caine who abandoned him to save himself. And it was Caine who refused to let Drake die, even though he was begging for it (and let’s face it, he didn’t refuse to kill him out of any affection – it was a selfish decision.) But Drake is so desperate for that equal, for that validation that his worldview is correct and is shared by another person, that he just idk forgets?? He never brings up this conversation again and just accepts Caine’s word as gospel. I have so much more to say about their relationship but, as I said, I’ll save it for a later post.

5.) DRAKE’S MENTAL STATE

And finally, we have Drake’s mental state. Now I’m not going to try and give him an official diagnosis or anything, but I wanted to make a small point specifically about his mental state after his maiming. I think we can all agree that what Drake went through was pretty horrific, and while I personally struggle to feel any amount of sympathy for him due his own list of horrific crimes, the change he goes through after this is extremely significant, or at least it’s supposed to be. I think mg wants us to believe that Drake’s descent into madness was directly cause by the loss of his arm, and that before that he did have the chance to be redeemed. I think whether you buy into this depends on how forgiving you are, but I want to focus more on the actual proof of change that we see.

I’ve already talked about the physical changes he goes through, and the implications of this so I’m going to focus solely on his mental state during and partly after the whole ordeal. I think the first and most important thing to talk about is the fact that Drake didn’t actually want to survive:

“Don’t cut off my arm,’ Drake cried. ‘Let me die. Just let me die. Shoot me.” – Chapter 36

He would rather die than lose his arm (his gun arm to be specific). Now, while I don’t doubt that the burning was indescribably painful, I’m still not sure that the majority of people would beg for death. Especially when an alternative (in this case losing his arm) is presented. Not to mention, he doesn’t actually talk about the pain when begging for his death – what he talks about is the loss of his arm. Of course it could be argued that the reason he didn’t want his arm to be cut off is because he knew it would mean more pain, but I don’t think that this is the case. Rather, I think that Drake is so scared of losing the power that he has, that he would genuinely rather die. This 14 year old boy is so messed up that his own death is preferable to the idea of no longer being able to hurt people. And so when he gets his power back, he doubles down. He has realised by this point what he truly wants, that he would rather die than be rendered powerless, so he begins committing more heinous acts (like attacking the prees). Pair this with the amount of pain that he went through, which most definitely will have had an effect on his already damaged brain, and you can see how a high-school bully became what he did. The groundwork for an interesting and though-provoking character was right here. I think yet again the problem with his character is the execution. Interesting aspects of his personality are dropped in favour of plot convenience and shock value and it cheapens his character as a whole until all the intended nuances are lost and over-shadowed.

I’m really sorry if this is a bit all over the place and not quite as polished as my other posts. I found Drake so difficult to write about and so my thoughts kept going haywire. Thank you so much for reading (and being patient with my brain). I hope you enjoy!!

[cutesuki--bakugou]

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a/n: I 1000000% know that unless you’ve read my fic The Dragon Kings Treasure, this is going to be TOTALLY out of context and you will likely have literally no idea about what’s going on or their history. I’ll be posting this little snippet in my AO3 post at the end of the story if you feel like you’d rather read the full thing first before you read this. There’s some spoilers in this, so if you’ve been planning on reading TDKT and haven’t yet, I’d suggest doing that first for context

Main Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x Koge Naegi (OC) (Fantasy AU)

Story Rating: Explicit

Genre: Fluff / Romance / Domestic / Fantasy AU

Story Warnings: Sex (vaginal), hand job, inhuman extremities (yes, dick) and mutations (dragon), size difference, rough sex, dirty talk, name calling, breeding (sorta), stomach bulge, Bakugou’s insecure, Koge’s horny

Words: 5,110

Written for the @bnhabookclub​​ ‘s members bingo event!

Crossed off: Mirror Sex

Bingo Masterlist

Art in banner by me

“I am actually going to kill you, Koge.” 

“Just do it gently, okay?” 

Bakugou grumbled at the completely unbothered response from his lover, glowering at her through a mirror. Laying on his stomach, sprawled out on their bed, the young Lord found himself beyond agitated with himself and with his wife, but not for any regular old reason. No, the problem was something that no one could have ever predicted, and it was something that couldn’t be stopped, either. Reversing the process was also out of the question, so he was condemned to adjust himself to the changes of his body, both internal and external. But, compliance didn’t correlate to happiness in this situation, especially not when paired with the pain and frustrations that came with the changes. 

It didn’t help that his wife was more that ecstatic about his newfound dragon extremities. The thick, dark red tail that protruded from the base of his hips and horns perched atop his head were the current bane of his existence, as the past few months of them growing into place were like putting him through daily torture. The changes to his hands and the horns, he had gotten used to long ago, but the currently swaying scaled appendage that protruded from his hips had been the most difficult to accept. It was large and cumbersome, always knocking things over, hitting people, or even causing him to trip over his own feet. Even now, as it knocked annoyingly against his own legs, he wished that he could just cut the damn thing off. Why did it even have to grow in the first place? 

Well, he knew why. 

His wife. The absolute love of his life and mother to his son, the woman he had chosen to be always by his side and Queen of his land. She was the reason this had happened to him, or, at least, a large percentage of it. The rest was his own bloodline, his family and heritage, but this wasn’t exactly something he had expected to happen. His wife, being a dragon halfling, had always sported her dragon features when in her human form, and had the presence, scents, and mannerisms of one at all times. Sure, she could fit in with humans, outside of her inability to register their words if they weren’t dragonborn of some kind, but in the end, she was a dragon. That fact is what prompted these changes in him that he couldn’t control. 

It all went back to his bloodline. His family had always had dragon blood, but the last that had dragon features, that he could remember, was his great grandfather. Since then, each royal child born didn’t have physical dragon features, nor could they change into a dragon. All they had was the magic. Until now. Just being with his wife had prompted a change within him, starting out small at first with the ability to purr and his senses more enhanced than they had already been. Then came the changes to his hands, red scales coating the top and down along his wrist and half of his forearm, with thicker skin along his palms and long claws. This change was quick, only a few days of inability to use his hands or take care of the horrible itch that came with it on his own, though Koge was more than willing to help him with that. In truth, Bakugou didn’t think he could have gotten through any of the changes without her help. She knew how to soothe the pain of his horns growing in and massaged his back and tail as it grew over many weeks. 

Now, there was no pain. All that was left was to adjust. New clothes, new sleeping positions, new feelings beneath the now sensitive skin of his fingers and palms. The new smells, sounds, and urges, they all required a huge adjustment, but the tail. The tail was the worst of them all. 

“Why a fucking tail?” Bakugou whined into the sheets, turning his face into the soft plush fabric to keep his glare off the swaying appendage. “The horns are fine. The hands suck. But a fucking tail?! Koge, I hate it.”

“It did grow in quite big in the end, but it’s really pretty-” 

“-Don’t call it pretty-!”

“-And handsome. Rugged. Who knew you had such strong dragon blood that it would come out looking like this!” Scooting her petite body closer, Koge’s fingers traced lightly down his spine, purring sweetly when she breached the hump of his tail. “I love it. I can’t wait until you get more control over it so I can cuddle in it.” 

“Tch, and what the fuck is wrong with my arms, huh?!” 

“You can’t tell, Katsuki, but your tail is way warmer than your arms.” 

In agitation of her argument, his tail swished about roughly, making Koge giggle softly as pillows were knocked from the bed. To avoid getting hit, Koge flopped down to lay up against his side, wiggling and nudging herself beneath his arm until he was forced onto his side, hugging her to him tightly in an attempted punishment. Nuzzling his face into her hair, he felt instantly calmed by the sweet sounds of her purr, which radiated through his mind like a million bees, making his heart and stomach flutter. Then, within no time, his own deep rumbling began, his purr completely swallowing hers in intensity. 

“Ooh see, you can’t be that mad if you start purring so easily.” Koge nuzzled her face up against his neck, her tail falling to rest over his legs, intertwining with his as he calmed. Holding her body in closer, Bakugou scoffed quietly, lifting his head so he could see her face. 

“You use that against me. Because I can’t help it.” 

“Why can’t you help it?” Koge nuzzled her nose against his tenderly, smiling at the sight of his reptilian pupils dilating in pleasurable response to her affections. “You can’t hide your mushy feelings from me, now. Of course I might take advantage of that sometimes.” 

“I can’t help it for obvious fucking reasons.” Bakugou’s snarl and growl of his voice didn’t match his touch or change in the pitch of his purr, spurred on by Koge letting her leg rest over his hips so she could be closer to him. “I love your stupid ass, of course I’m going to start up if you do.” 

“It’s so cute!” She placed a soft kiss on his lips, though found herself trapped for more than just a few moments as he refused to let her pull away, his hand even slipping up her back to rest against the back of her head. “Mm… I didn’t expect your dragon blood to make you so… affectionate.” 

“The fuck does that mean?” With a growl against her lips, Bakugou rolled them over so she was beneath him, taking both of her arms to pin them up above her head, fingers lacing with hers tenderly. “I’m not any more affectionate than I was, dumbass.” Squeezing his hips playfully with her knees, Koge’s smile grew sly. 

“I just expected you to become more aggressive and territorial. But instead you’re super sweet, purring, and cuddly. Just like a little pup.” 

“Excuse me?!” Bakugou’s purr was cut short with his rush of agitation, his voice booming through their large chambers as Koge laughed. “I’m not a fucking whelp! You take that back!” 

“What are you gonna do about it, pup?” Koge couldn’t resist a grin at the flushing of his cheeks, baring her fangs to him playfully. “Gonna whine and spew a little fire out of your nose? Or are you gonna put me in my place?” 

With a frustrated growl, Bakugou could only glare down at her for a moment before pulling away, sitting up turning to sit on the edge of the bed, once again facing the mirror. “Oh fuck off! You know I can’t!” 

Frowning as guilt began to creep up on her, Koge sat up as well, placing her hand gingerly on his back. “Ah Katsuki, I’m sorry. I… I’ve just been feeling a little frisky lately, especially since that… new change happened. I’m… It’s a bit hard for me to control myself.” 

“Tch… It’s fine.” Bakugou’s glare was once again locked on his own reflection, though the center of his focus was his hips. There was another change to his body, one that he had been doing everything he could to hide from her until recently and had continually hoped that it would just vanish. It happened at the worst time, too, as Koge had just gotten to where she was comfortable making love to him again after further recovering from her trauma as a slave. They had almost gotten back to normal, and then his bloodline had to make the biggest dick move ever. Quite literally, in fact. 

His manhood had changed to further match his outward extremities. It wasn’t all that extreme, but it was enough to not only make him horrifically self-conscious about it, but fear that he would never properly have sex again. It had grown, in length and girth, with mostly human characteristics, outside of scales at the base that wrapped back around his hips to his tail, a series of ridges along the sides, and a more angled tip. The foreskin he had always sported did little to hide the changes, even when completely flaccid, though hiding it at all was impossible at this point. 

With heightened senses and urges, Bakugou found himself craving Koge’s attention, affection, and body more frequently than he had before. They had gotten used to it when his dick was normal, but for a few weeks, now, he had to suffer through the urges without being able to satisfy himself in any way. At first, he came up with excuses as to why he didn’t want to or couldn’t, mostly concerning the pain of his tail - which wasn’t completely a lie - just so that he could avoid the situation all together. But much to his dismay, Koge was quite clever, and she picked up on his odd behavior quickly. 

“Your dick changed, didn’t it?” She had cornered him one morning when she had tried to come onto him right before he got into the bath. “Let me see it!” 

He had let her, of course, but that only made things worse for him. She wasn’t put off by the changes in the slightest, nor was she concerned that it would be an issue. But he was, and he couldn’t quite get the fear out of his head. Of course, he knew that he would have to come to terms with it eventually and try to do something with this change, even if that jump was going to be difficult. Each time Koge offered to work with him or try anything, he’d back out, leaving him with a very painful experience of having to let his raging boner settle on its own. He couldn’t quite find it within himself to masturbate to get rid of the buildup or his urges, as even the feeling and pleasures were different and way more intense than what he was used to. Out of everything, his dick was the last thing he expected to change, and it had oddly taken the biggest mental toll on him. 

His erections were impossible to hide. Any touch that wasn’t his clothing or taking a piss felt like white hot lightning sparking through his body. Sitting or laying were made even more awkward when paired with his tail. He couldn’t properly make love to his wife. He couldn’t pleasure himself. He had to learn how to not walk awkwardly. Any clothes that could accommodate his tail still couldn’t handle his new manhood. 

He was different from head to toe, and that bothered him more than he was willing to say out loud. In the end, he didn’t need to say anything. Koge could see it all, but that didn’t make it any less frustrating for her, too. She wanted to help him adjust, more than anything, but it was impossible if he continually blocked himself off like this. Even now, he was trying to hide his obvious boner with his arms, and the discomfort on his expression was worrisome. He may be too reluctant to do something about it himself, but Koge knew that eventually, she’d have to show him that it was okay. By ‘eventually’, she knew that it would have to be now, while the subject was brought to the front and they had no chance of being interrupted. 

“Katsuki,” Koge purred near his ear softly, resting her body against his back while her arms came to rest over his broad shoulders. “Let me try-” 

“-Koge-” 

“- Just a little. You can’t keep going like this. We can’t keep going like this. Sooner or later, you have to let me face the dragon dick. If you just let me try, you’ll see that it’ll be okay.” 

Bakugou glowered at his lover out of the corner of his eye, still hunched over his own body in reluctance and worry. “You haven’t seen it erect yet, Koge. It’s… You can’t take it.” 

“You underestimate me a little, I think.” Koge nuzzled her nose against his cheek, giving him a firm kiss on the flushed skin. “I’m not human, remember? And your body is reacting to me. I’ll show you that I can take it just fine. Please?” 

“I’ll feel like shit if it doesn’t work out…” 

“Or you’ll continue to feel like shit if you never try. Right?” 

“Tch… You’re right.” 

Scooting off the bed, Koge stood in front of him, holding both of her hands out towards him. “Well? Let me help you, Katsuki. I promise it will feel good for both of us.” Although he wanted to take her hands immediately, Bakugou still hesitated, glancing over her body before catching her gentle gaze. Just looking at her like this, clad in nothing but a white sleeping gown, so flushed and unexpecting, had him immediately struggling not to snatch her off her feet and pin her onto the bed beneath him. The thought had his manhood straining, and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to take this type of painful tension any longer. He needed to get past this, so he shifted himself to sit up, taking both of her hands tenderly in acceptance of her help. 

Smiling, Koge stepped in closer to stand between his legs, letting her hands slide up his arms with a slow and gentle touch that had goosebumps prickling along his skin. As she caressed the sides of his neck, his hands took hold of her petite hips, scooting himself closer to the edge of the bed to be able to pull her body flush against him. It was so incredibly difficult to hold himself back, the feeling of her body beneath his hands and the scent of her arousal completely overwhelming him, but the tender kisses she placed on his lips helped keep him grounded. Her purr soothed him, almost to the point that he felt as if he were floating, not noticing her hands slip down between their bodies until they sneaked beneath his pants to grip the source of his problems. 

At first, the hiss that escaped from between his teeth was from the chill of her hands, until her fingers traced along the prominent ridges, each little bump feeling as if she were stroking his tip. Or, what he remembered stimulation to his tip feeling like when he still had a normal dick. Then, the hiss grew into a deep growl, his entire body stiffening and his hands slipping around to grip her backside as she stroked him with both hands, up and down the aching shaft while avoiding the tip. “Mm, fuck- Yeah, tighter. That’s it-!” 

“My hands can’t even wrap around it all the way, Katsuki. And you’re dribbling so much cum already. It’s so warm.” Taking half a step back, Koge shifted his pants down out of the way to free him completely, keeping a little space between them so she could see her work. She wasn’t the only one watching, Bakugou’s eyes locked on the way her hands moved, displacing the slowly flowing precum with each firm stroke up and down his shaft. With the liquid acting as a lubricant, Koge was able to increase her speed, stroking all the way from the base to right before the tip. Before long, Bakugou’s entire body was trembling, his face shoved into her shoulder as he struggled to control his urges to pant and moan. 

“Stop teasing me, Koge!” 

“If I go there, you’ll cum really quick.” 

“Do it!” 

The growling demand made Koge bite her bottom lip, stroking from the base all the way back up to the tip, which immediately forced a trembling moan from his lips as he pulled her body back in closer. He was throbbing in her hands by now, each new stroke across his sensitive tip sending him further into an uncontrollable ecstasy. Within no time, what Koge had warned came to fruition, with Bakugou cumming after a few teasing strokes of her thumb around his tip. The petite woman didn’t expect it, of course, nor did she expect Bakugou to tug her body back up against him while rutting his hips forward so his cock stroked against the silk of her gown and soft form of her stomach. Within seconds, the front of the gown was drenched with his cum, the load much larger than either of them could have really expected. It stuck fast to Koge’s skin, hot and thick, coating her fingers and soaking through the thin fabric of her gown to dribble down her stomach. 

Panting as he came down from his high, Bakugou kept his face shoved into her shoulder, his entire body tingling with the weight of his release. “Fuck… That’s so much more than before…” 

“If you mean cum, then yeah, that’s a lot.” Koge moved back from him a bit, prompting Bakugou to sit up himself and observe the damage. One hand still lightly stroking up and down his still hard shaft, Koge brought the other to her lips, licking the cum from her fingers. “Mm, yummy. You even taste better, Katsuki.” 

“That’s a weird thing to notice.” Bakugou glowered up at his lover as she took another step back, first wiping her hands on her already ruined shift before pulling her arms inside and out through the neck opening. With it being so oversized, and with the added weight of the liquid that soaked it, it fell around her feet, leaving her bare. Just like nearly every time he saw her like this, Bakugou felt a lump grow in his throat, the glow of her pale skin in the dim light bringing on the urge to just touch and squeeze. Though, even as the chance presented itself to him with her crawling up onto his lap, he felt frozen, the nerves of still not being able to do this properly creeping back up on him. “Koge-” 

“Shh,” Holding onto his shoulders for support and facing him, Koge straddled his lap, knees firmly dug into the mattress. Not quite sitting down onto him yet, the halfling arched her backside out, turning her head a bit to look over her shoulder at the mirror behind them. “Look, Katsuki. See how wet you make me? How badly my body wants you?” 

Tearing his eyes off her collarbone area to look over her shoulder as well, the fire in Bakugou’s chest grew hotter from the view she presented to him, having to clench his teeth together to keep him from acting out. Dripping with her essence, Koge’s pussy was incredibly enticing, puffy, and pink with the need for the attention she had been denied all this time. Even still, she was so incredibly small compared to him, and her petite body just didn’t seem like it would be able to take him comfortably. “Koge… It won’t-” 

“It will,” Shifting her hips up, Koge let his cock rest between her legs, lowering herself down just enough to be able to grind against him. “I want your cock inside me so badly, Katsuki.” Cupping his cheeks, Koge kept her lips close to his, moaning softly with the stimulation to her clit. “Please let me. I’m begging you. Can’t you feel how hot my body is for you?” 

Gripping onto her hips tightly, Bakugou lightly dug his claws into her skin in frustration, which only prompted more vigorous efforts from his wife. Of course he wanted this. He wanted to fill her up to the brim and fuck her until she was an absolute mess. And he could. She wanted it. Then, with a teasing swipe of her cunt along his tip, she broke his restraint, and all he wanted was to be inside her. With a low growl, he reached up and took a fist full of her hair into his grip at the base of her head, firm enough to make her gasp and stop the rolling of her hips. 

“Fine.” Bakugou growled against her jawline, keeping her head firmly pulled back to keep her submissive and in place. “But you’d better be able to take it.” With that, his other hand guided her hips up and back, his tip slipping inside of her with ease. Immediately, a sharp gasp erupted from her throat, both of her hands moving back to clutch onto his shoulders while it took every ounce of Bakugou’s self-control not to slam her down all the way. Instead, he urged her down inch by inch, her chest heaving and body trembling as she took him in. By the time he was completely sheathed inside her, Koge was already nothing more than a panting mess, eyes rolled back, and nails dug into his skin. “Look at you. Fucking ruined already.” 

The sound of his voice helped pull her back, biting down onto her bottom lip when he released her hair and catching his gaze. “I-I can take it, though. See? I just… Mm, it feels so good, I can’t… I can’t move.” Koge looked back over her shoulder again to see them, her cheeks flushing bright red at how huge he looked stretching her out like this. 

Smirking, Bakugou pressed his lips against her temple, his eyes on their reflection as well. “Let me help you.” Finding that they were sufficiently lubricated, both from her and from his still present cum, Bakugou was easily able to pull her hips up and back down again, using his strength to make her bounce on his cock. The moans that escaped from her lips were like none he had heard before, the pure ecstasy drowning out all rational thought she may have had left. Within no time, she had taken over the rhythm, slamming her hips down onto him from tip to base with only the pleasure driving her forward. 

Resting back on his hands to keep them supported, Bakugou couldn’t get his eyes off their reflection, just seeing her body bounce and the way his cock vanished inside her hypnotizing him completely. She could take him, and the feeling of being one with her again like this was beyond what he would consider to be euphoria. Though, it was when she began to grind her hips that he nearly lost his control, tearing his eyes away from the mirror to look down at her. Leaning back with her hands supported on his knees, Koge rolled her hips with just as much effort as she had been before, though her eyes were locked on her stomach. 

“F-fuck-!” Overwhelmed with the pleasure, tears began to roll down her brightly flushed cheeks, though they were of little consequence. “Fuck! It’s so good! Your cock is so good! So deep inside me! You can…- ah! You can see it!” Sure enough, with each passing roll of her hips, a bulge was visible in her lower abdomen, instantly bringing a deep growl of satisfaction from Bakugou’s chest. 

“Yeah? You like seeing that while you fuck yourself on my cock, Koge?” One arm still behind him for support, his other hand came up to grip her hip, urging her to be more aggressive. “How I fill up that slutty fucking pussy?” 

“Yes!” Koge’s voice squeaked and trembled, struggling to keep up the momentum against the pleasure. “I love it!” 

“Well here, let me give you a better view.” Simultaneously standing up and scooping her body up off his cock, Bakugou made his way over to the mirror, turning her so that her back was pressed against his torso while supporting and spreading open her legs. Puzzled, Koge could only stare at their reflections, watching his cock twitch and her essence leak from her cunt that was aching for his return. With this view, she could truly see the size of him compared to her, making her feel suddenly so small and vulnerable, yet she wanted his cock back inside her more than anything in that moment. 

“K-Katsuki-!” 

“What, baby? You want it back inside you?” 

“Please!” Koge flexed her feet and toes impatiently, sniffling against her stuffed-up nose that came along with the tears. “Please, Katsuki! Put it back inside- a-ah!!” Clenching her eyes shut tightly, Koge leaned her head back against his shoulder at the feeling of his tip slipping back inside her, though her reaction was cut short by Bakugou’s deep and demanding growl in her ear. 

“Lift your head up and watch, you horny bitch. I want you to watch how my cock stretches out that tight little cunt.” 

Taking in trembling breaths, Koge weakly lifted her head, teary gaze locked back on their reflections. She watched as demanded, gasping and hiccupping as each inch vanished inside her, until he had filled her up to the base. In this position, the bulge in her lower abdomen was even more visible, though she didn’t have much time to take it all in before he started to thrust his hips up into her. A squeal escaped her parted lips with the first rough thrust, sending more pleasured tears cascading down her cheeks as he fucked her. With him in control, it felt like a completely different experience, her mind no longer having to focus on attempting to move. 

Now, all she had was him, fucking her relentlessly while she rested secure against his chest. The visual of them only made her hotter, able to see the way his cock ravaged her, his large hands supporting her legs, her breasts bouncing with the movement, and even his expression. That is what she loved to watch the most, how his expression was contorted with the pleasure and he was absolutely lost in it. Though, his eyes were on the reflection as well, and they eventually caught hers staring at his face. 

Bakugou felt himself immediately overwhelmed with the state of her ruined body, limp in his grip and completely drunk with pleasure. He wanted to destroy her more, to sink his teeth and claws into her silky flesh until she was marked head to toe by him. And yet, he wanted to hold and caress her, just to feel her tender touch along his burning skin. He wanted all of her and more. “What, Koge? Is it too much for you?”

“N-no-!”

“No?”

“No! I-I love it! I love it! Fuck-!” Koge leaned her head back, eyes rolling up as Bakugou adjusted the position to slam even harder into her. “Yes! I-I haven’t stopped cumming since you put it inside me-! I can’t think!”

“You’re such a good girl. You want my cum, baby?”

“Yes! Yes, I want it! Please fill me up! Breed me! I’m begging you!” 

Something animalistic snapped inside Bakugou with her plea, and without a second thought, he turned and shoved her face down into the bed, keeping her hips up in his firm grip as he fucked her mercilessly. Koge’s voice once again peaked, clutching onto the sheets as she moaned and cried into them. The new aggression and dominance he was displaying had her entire body screaming to have his cum inside her, the urge to mate with him so strong that she couldn’t ignore it. All she could sense was him, from his scent to the taste his cum had left on her lips, and without him she knew she would surely go insane. 

“Such an obedient little mate,” Bakugou’s grunts and moans began to mix with a deep growl, sending prickling goosebumps across Koge’s flushed and sweaty skin. “I’ll fill you up, slut. I’ll make sure you get what you’re begging for.”

Within the next few moments, Bakugou’s thrusts became erratic as he shifted his body closer to hover over her, digging himself in as deep as he could as he released inside her. With each rough buck of his hips into hers, Koge could feel the hot, thick liquid fill her, struggling to find room beside the large presence of his cock. Still, she couldn’t move or say a word, her entire body twitching and pulsing with the remnants of her final orgasm, squeezing his cock and forcing a sharp hiss from his behind his teeth. 

“That’s it, baby. Take it all in.” Taking hold of her ass in his hands, Bakugou spread her open, smirking in satisfaction at the sight of his cum leaking from her cunt around his cock. Slowly, he began to pull out, giving a deep purr at the mess his cum made with his exit, dribbling from her and onto the bed. “Fuck. Your cunt’s too small for all that cum, Koge.” 

Panting as she tried to recover some feeling in her limbs, Koge weakly reached down between her legs, using her petite fingers to stroke along her cum stained pussy, pushing them inside her and spreading herself open. “C’mon, Katsuki… Don’t let it all drip out. I told you to breed me.”

“You think I’m done with you?” Grabbing her by the arms, Bakugou pulled her upper body back against his, one of his hands caressing her neck while he kissed her flushed cheek tenderly. “My pretty mate… I’ll make sure you’re bred properly.”

Smiling, Koge placed her hand on his cheek, guiding his lips down to hers. “Mm… you’d better. Now shove that big cock back inside me. And make sure to use your teeth this time. Don’t be gentle with me.”

“Only if you beg.”

[penguiduck]

Writing Fight Scenes

I’ve had a lot of readers mention that they don’t feel comfortable with fight scenes.  Well, that’s understandable. It’s challenging writing about experiences you’ve never had.  But with some perspective and practice, you can most certainly work toward writing those fast-paced, heart-pounding scenes with ease.

To give you some background, I practiced competitive martial arts for six years.  I competed in tournaments and trained hard to perform well in the ring. It was a contact sport, and even if I wasn’t sparring, training often left me with bruises, usually of the physical nature, sometimes of the emotional persuasion.

This experience gave me a lot of perspective when it comes to writing fight scenes.

Whenever I step into the ring, I have a flexible strategy in mind that combines what I know about myself, my opponent, and what I’m going to learn about them in the next two minutes.  I’d like to share some of these thoughts and perspectives with you, and how your character may think before and during a match of their own. Of course, my fighting experience is limited to a contact sport.  Your story may very well be far more violent with higher stakes, but strategies may be of similar foundation. Once you take a fight into deeper consideration, aside from the depiction of two fighters merely exchanging blows, you can begin to enrich your writing experience.

I’m including examples from Yu Yu Hakusho because that’s the fandom I write the most for, and as you know, there’s a lot of fighting involved!  But remember — anime and writing are two completely different mediums. There's no one narrating everything that our beloved characters are doing on screen. You just see it. That is why you, as a writer, must paint those scenes through words for your readers.

Nevertheless, this advice really stands for any sort of writing, so do with this information what you will.

A well-written fight scene is never about just trading blows.  There are other conflicts at play, whether between the fighters or even in the heads of your protagonists.

Allow me to elaborate:

1. Who is your protagonist?

Whenever I am preparing for a sparring match, the first thing I worry about is me. I must be self-aware. 

I think about my own fitness.  How am I doing? Do I have any existing injuries or ailments?  How is my weight? My body type? What are my strengths and weaknesses?  What do I have in my toolbox? What techniques do I know? What techniques am I most versed and confident in?  

I also think about my overall wellness. Have I been eating well?  Drinking water? Sleeping? How is my emotional state of mind? What are the stakes?

Is my uniform clean and pressed?  What about my equipment? Headgear?  Mouth guard? Shin guard? Did I replace that torn lace?

I recommend using these questions to bring your character’s own reflection to the forefront in whatever way makes most sense for them.  How is your character’s fitness? Is she in good fighting condition? Has she been injured previously? What has happened since the last fight that might impact her state of mind? 

It’s possible that she’s recovering from an illness or injury.  Perhaps her mentor died a gruesome death. Maybe she’s frustrated because she lost use of her right hand, temporarily or permanently, and has had to compensate with her non-dominant hand.  Or perhaps she’s lost the will to fight, having experienced something traumatic.

Hiei had to constantly think about his own state of health throughout the Dark Tournament after his fight with Zeru.  His arm had been sacrificed to his Dragon of the Darkness Flame, rendered useless, and he was in terrible pain. He never let it impact him, of course, being the stoic warrior he is.  His personality allows for little inner dialogue to be shared with the audience, but as a fighter, he was most certainly considering what options he had with his handicap. And, as a writer, perhaps you would like to elaborate on his thoughts for your readers.

What has your character been practicing lately?  Is her weapon of choice the same? Has it been upgraded?  Has she been training with a different weapon or technique?  Is she perhaps nervous about using something new?

Maybe she just repaired her sword, and she’s unsure if it’s as strong as it was before.  Perhaps she’s been studying a new technique, and she knows she’ll need to use it in this battle.  

Remember when Kuwabara first introduced his spirit sword in Maze Castle?  He was so proud of himself, and that whole battle was an introduction to his newfound technique, how he manipulated his sword, and how he was able to harness his spirit energy.  It’s far more interesting to see this development and exploration than to just watch him stab at Byakko a dozen times.

My point is that while your character probably should keep her emotions out of the ring, she may not be able to.  There are so many things that could be on her mind, plaguing her thoughts, especially if there’s a lot riding on this battle.  I think it’s really important to not only acknowledge the physical part of fighting but the emotional toll it can take a fighter, too.

Think about the fight between Yusuke and Toguro.  Toguro had just killed Genkai, and Yusuke took that very personally.  This was not a simple battle of strength or wits. This was a battle of emotions, and it wasn’t until Yusuke was able to master his feelings and reach beyond that “six foot wall of crap” as Genkai so affectionately calls it that he was able to finally defeat Toguro.

And the catharsis that came from defeating Toguro? It was made all the more powerful because Yusuke went through that emotional journey. It wasnʼt just a fight — it was a calling, a purpose, and a lesson.  It was painful and potent, and it made him realize just how much these experiences shaped him as a person.

2. Who is the opponent? 

Before I participate in a tournament, I do my research.  Who is likely to be competing? Who is in my weight class?  What do I know about these competitors? If I don’t have answers, I would find them.  I’d chat with my instructor, my fellow martial artists. Has anyone else from my school fought these people before?  What were they like? Are there videos online of their performance?  

I find as much information as possible. I make calls, send texts, take people out to lunch, scour the internet for information.  Even if your character lives in a less technologically dependent world, I would imagine that he might talk with friends, look through old records, listen to gossip and hearsay.  He might watch battles leading up to his own fight in an effort to learn more.

And if this pre-work isn’t possible, that’s okay.  Fights in your story may be entirely unpredictable, but your character can also learn things about his opponent during the match.  

When I step into the ring and ready myself to compete, one of the first things I want to find out is on which side my opponent is dominant.  In other words, are they right-handed? Or left-handed? Right-footed? Or left-footed? Maybe they only focus on one side during training (which is silly, but that’s another conversation).  But there could be an underlying reason why as well. Perhaps they injured themselves in the previous round or maybe they just don’t like exposing one particular side of their body for whatever reason.

This information is critical because this tells me what I need to watch out for, which side of my own body I should be guarding, how I may penetrate my opponent’s defenses.  How can I catch them when they least suspect it? Where can I knock them off balance? My instructor always told me to watch the shoulders — shoulders move before the rest of the body.  You can tell what your opponent is about to do by watching their shoulders.

Your character may wish to discover the same thing.  Maybe his opponent uses a two-handed sword and is very clearly right-handed.  This may give him some information on where his blind spot is — or maybe he just needs to disable his opponent’s right arm.  The possibilities are endless, and understanding his opponent will give him leverage, offering him many options.

Understanding an opponent’s technique is also important.  In martial arts, practitioners often favor a strategy or skill.  This seems obvious, but it’s vital that you understand what it is — only then you can combat it.  

Consider Kurama’s matches with Gama and Toya during the events of the Dark Tournament.  The English dub did a wonderful job voicing Kurama’s inner conflict during these fights, struggling with first his inability to move and then his imprisoned spirit energy — if you were to put these scenes into writing, explaining his thought process would be fascinating.  How does Kurama overcome these obstacles? He seeks to understand his opponents before he defeats them, which, unfortunately, also means he risks injury to himself until then.

Your character’s thoughts about the fight, interpreting for your audience what he feels he might need to do to secure victory, is just as important as detailing the fight itself.

3. What about the writing?

The writing will come once you begin to dissect your characters and their motivations for fighting.  Your characters aren’t one-dimensional, or, at least, they shouldn’t be!  

Your fight scenes shouldn’t be, either.  It’s not about two fighters trading blows. It’s about an artfully curated dance.  Two opponents are engaged in a craft that they both know well, and whether they’re fighting to win a tournament or for their very lives, they have reasons and complex thought processes that should make their fight interesting.  

There are two players here, and unless the fight is grossly one-sided, they’re both thinking and acting independently of one another.  My advice is to thread their actions and consequences together — weave the fight scene as if it’s a stream of conscious thought, separated into paragraphs, each with a shift in perspective, for clarity.  

Instead of writing:

Yusuke charged at Kuwabara and punched him in the face.  Kuwabara punched him in the mouth. Yusuke then kicked him in the stomach.

Try this:

Yusuke had little patience for Kuwabara’s bad jokes, and he rushed toward him, landing a blow square in the side of his head.

Kuwabara flew backward with a grunt, stabilizing himself before launching himself at Yusuke, returning the favor.  His fist collided with Yusuke’s jaw, a blow hard enough to knock the teeth out of any regular human.

Yusuke expected him to retaliate, and although he was nearly knocked off balance, he swung his leg around, making full contact with Kuwabara’s stomach.

You may also find it useful to deviate from the fighting itself.  You can speak to a character’s inner dialogue or thoughts, whether about the fight or something else.  You may choose to have them begin a brief conversation. Or you may describe what other characters are feeling about the fight as onlookers.

There are many ways to make these fight scenes seamless and interesting — take some time to explore your options!

Just a few more general tips that might help:

If you’re going to use a thesaurus, be mindful about it. I use a thesaurus when I write because I suffer all day, every day from tip-the-tongue syndrome.  But words, even if they generally fit the same definition, can have vastly different connotations, so before selecting a word from the thesaurus, do some digging.  Look at the exact definition and perhaps Google some common usage. Punch, slap, and stroke do not mean the same thing, even if a thesaurus might say otherwise.

Read your writing out loud.  If you’re unsure, this is the best way to understand your cadence, the flow of the battle.  Use your best Morgan Freeman or Jorge the Ogre voice.

Consider a beta reader.  Sometimes having a second opinion is immensely helpful.

Remember that there are no strict writing rules.  You write whatever your heart desires in whatever manner your heart desires.  Experiment and explore with different styles and techniques to find whatever works for you.

I hope you find this information useful!  Please feel free to suggestion additional blog posts you would like to see from me in the future.  ^_^  Of course, please reblog this if you found it helpful!

Pictures are, of course, not mine.  They are shots from the anime or other official derivatives.

[aromantic-misguide-to-romance]

A couple of quotes I want to share because they're relatable and because we have the ace awareness week.

From the text "Navigating Fandom As an Asexual" by Lijavi Toledo Loaiza - link is in the source of the post.

I really recommend this article, and I mean not just the the quotes - I chose those quire arbitrarily.

The text covers the asexual experience of a sex-repulsed person who wants to stay away from sexual content and stay true to themself. And the experience of dealing with the allonormativity that fandom forces but also how sex - even if not depicted - is seen in fandoms as something that actually legitimises the relationship.

Fandom, unfortunately, is not a great place for exploring sex-free dynamics. So much of shipping is invested in sex that I depend heavily on my blacklist just to survive Tumblr, and even then I’m not completely safe because a lot of the sexual comments don’t get tagged. They are so commonplace, expected, and encouraged that people don’t feel the need to tag them unless a graphic image is involved, and often, not even then.

And it's not just about passively encountering content. Inability to avoid content pushes people out of fandom, which is sad on its own - especially when we consider that fandom generally known to be rather a place where people can honestly engage in something they like without having to mind their social roles condemning certain things. It's a place of escape for many - and it's known as such.

But there's a lot about pressure to participate in fandoms in a certain and only one way.

I continued to write sex scenes even as my sex-repulsion grew stronger and I became more and more uncomfortable with them [...] but I felt obligated to include sex, so I continued to cause myself psychological damage without even being aware of it.

Sexual content seems to be a must in fandom. And opting out from that one and only proper way to engage unfortunately means giving up most of what fandoms as communities could offer and do offer but to other groups.

Shipping has always been where I felt most at home, so it’s been hurtful to have to distance myself from it. I don’t feel that I can fully engage in the culture of OTPs anymore, because my sex-repulsion is so bad that if I see sex mentioned without prior warning, I flinch. I didn’t used to react like that, but it is precisely the almighty “couples have sex” and “fanfic is to see people getting it on” maxims while engaging in a culture that, while liberating for others, is very toxic to me, that has made me so intensely sex-repulsed. So, for my mental health, I have to filter my participation.

By filtering however, the author means just taking a step back and stopping engaging with the community almost entirely, because it was too harmful and toxic to stay. Not only by giving up interaction and just switching to one-sided posting but it drove the author almost to the point of abandoning writing entirely.

There's a lot more of the author's journey through fandom in the article, I chose only a few quotes and a few aspects.

The text is obviously focused on shipping but I believe it covers most of the points for otome fandoms as well. Especially since the games themselves generally are focused on relationships but very conventional relationships.

Shipping might not be particularly strong in otome fandoms, but the focus on the same type of content is probably even stronger.

[child-of-peace]

So I was watching Fitzsimmons clips on YouTube, and noticed a scene I had quite forgotten existed (given that I watched the first season in one day with my friends, it’s no surprise I didn’t remember this part) but I wanted to talk a bit about 1x20. (This will be an in-depth Fitz-centric analysis of that scene, just to let you know.)

I’d like to make clear from the outset, this is completely my own opinion based on my own experiences. Other people may read the scene differently and that is completely their own opinion and I respect that.

I’m autistic myself and I headcanon that both Jemma and Fitz are autistic too (though really it should be canon with all the signs they’ve given us throughout the show). The clip I saw was of Fitz very clearly having a meltdown, but because the video I was watching was only about Fitzsimmons + every time they say each other’s names, the clip only showed a couple of seconds of it. So I found the episode in question and looked for the scene.

For anyone who plans to watch the show and has not already seen this episode or heard any spoilers for it (though how you’ve managed to avoid spoilers, I have no clue!), I’m about to reveal one of the biggest spoilers for Season 1, so maybe just scroll past this post.

Anyway, so in the scene we see Fitz, Coulson and Trip standing by whilst Jemma is doing an autopsy on the dude who, as this scene later reveals was killed by Ward. Fitz clearly saw Ward as a big brother kind of figure and as we all know, was unwilling to believe Ward was capable of this.

Throughout the early parts of the scene, Fitz is displaying some of the “signs of distress” (as noted by the National Autistic Society) which can be seen as a precursor to a meltdown: pacing, repetitive questioning and even, as Jemma is giving her report, going completely still. Also, when he talks to Trip and Trip puts his hand on Fitz’s shoulder (terrible decision), Fitz pushes him away saying “Don’t touch me.” (This likely would’ve made Fitz more overwhelmed because contact can be Bad especially from a near stranger when you’re close to/having a meltdown.)

The meltdown itself doesn’t hit until Jemma says “Ward did this.” You can see beforehand, she is hesitant to say anything, partially because she can tell Fitz is getting overwhelmed, but she has a job to do. The next moment, Fitz flings something metal across the room and pushes everything off the nearby surface, because this information is too much, because it’s bad, bad, bad and he’s overwhelmed.

Jemma knows what’s going on. Of course she does. They’ve been best friends for eight years by this point, this is certainly not the first meltdown either of them have had in front of each other. Each autistic person has their own rules about what works for them and what doesn’t when they’re having a meltdown. So Fitzsimmons probably have a routine, little things they do to calm each other down, such as the hand-on-shoulder thing which they do all the time to comfort one another. The hand-on-shoulder thing in and of itself is important because it’s a somewhat safe place to touch and familiar for them and if the comforted party needs more, they can go for a hug, if that’s enough, they can put their hand on the comforter’s and if it’s too much, they can easily move away. This shows they have their rituals.

Whilst Coulson and Trip are shocked at Fitz’s “sudden” outburst, Jemma gasps at the noise, but then immediately steps towards him. She knows what she’s doing. She calls out his name, and when he starts hitting the wall (which is something that will cause him pain), she reaches for him (this is a bad idea unless you are sure the other person is comfortable with it) and she tries to stop him from hurting himself by moving him away from the wall.

Here’s where it goes wrong. Now to be clear, I don’t think that’s through any fault of the writers or the actors here, but rather, the reaction from a neurotypical (or at the very least allistic) character is very real and true to what can happen in real life, and therein lies the problem. Coulson gets involved.

Coulson clearly views this as a fit of rage or something to that effect, and therefore, his reaction is to treat Fitz as a younger colleague who has lost control of his emotions due to anger and is now acting out, rather than recognising what Jemma does: that Fitz is not okay. When Fitz leans over the table, Jemma puts her hand on his shoulder; familiar, safe. But then Coulson is there, by his side, saying, “We need to hold it together, listen” as though this is something that Fitz can control, like all he needs to do is put a lid on his “temper”; bad, bad, bad.

To hear this as a response to a meltdown will not help you to calm down. It’ll only make you more stressed. This is shown when Fitz, after Coulson says this, hits out, knocking something else off the table. Jemma’s crying. She doesn’t know how to help Fitz because this is their boss stood in front of them, and what can she say in front of him. She can’t tell him to back off and give Fitz space. She can’t tell him that he’s not helping. All she can do is watch as her best friend struggles. The only support she can offer is her hand on his shoulder.

“All that anger, all that pain, you need to hold it in and focus on Skye.” Pain, yes. Anger, no. He’s not angry. He’s overwhelmed. Holding it in won’t help and is certainly not healthy at all for him. And as for focusing, it is so hard to focus on something else when your brain is still struggling to process one piece of information. And Coulson doesn’t stop talking, doesn’t stop trying to “motivate” Fitz into redirecting his “anger”. And when Fitz doesn’t respond, because he’s trying to calm himself down so that he doesn’t feel like he’s a hindrance to his team like his father probably led him to believe, Coulson grabs his shoulder (not roughly) and pulls him up so that Fitz will look at him. Fitz lets him, because what else can he do, this is his superior and his father most likely drilled some bullshit into his mind before he was ten, but he doesn’t look at Coulson’s face.

Fitz, in his overwhelmed state, cannot stand to make eye contact or even attempt to pretend to make eye contact. Instead, he averts his gaze, keeping it low, as Coulson tells him what he needs from him. Then Fitz meets Coulson’s eyes when Coulson says “can you do that?” To a neurotypical, maybe this sounds like an “I need you to do this for me, cool?” (I wouldn’t know) but from an autistic perspective, this sounds like “are you capable of doing that?”. This, therefore, to Fitz sounds like Coulson is saying “your autism is getting in the way of your work and your inability to maintain the standards a neurotypical would be able to maintain makes me question whether or not you are suitable for this job”. Of course, that isn’t what Coulson is trying to say, but for Fitz? Fitz, whose father called him stupid and incapable when he was young. Fitz, whose peers mocked and isolated him. Fitz, who struggles to open up and forces himself into being someone else around NTs because, in his experience, they don’t understand him and many won’t even try. Fitz takes this as a reprimand.

So he nods, because he can’t speak right now, but he’ll be the person they need right now. Because if he isn’t, will they give up on him? Fitz leaves the room, head hung low, Jemma just behind him.

There is no follow-up to this scene, but I imagine that, when it was just him and Jemma, his meltdown struck properly. And, as far as I can remember (which apparently isn’t very far), he doesn’t have a meltdown like this in front of his team again (with the exception of Jemma’s disappearance, when he lost the one person who understood him/the love of his life, but even then, with witnesses, his meltdowns seem contained), most likely a result of this and the trauma he still carries from his childhood.

You can find the scene in question on YouTube here.

TL;DR: In my opinion, Jemma’s interaction with Fitz during his meltdown in this scene was based on years of friendship and trust and actually listening to what he needs. Coulson’s interactions with Fitz, while well-meaning, were probably more damaging than helpful. If you have an autistic friend/family member, find out what their specific needs are when they have a meltdown, and try to keep a calm voice and don’t overwhelm them.

I’d like to make clear here, that I love Coulson as a character, I just think he reacted badly in this scene because he didn’t recognise what was happening. Plus, Coulson is completely justified in wanting to help Daisy (Skye), but he’d have better luck if he let Fitz calm down and sort his thoughts out first!

[bestworstcase]

Sugracha for the character ask, if it’s not too late?

it’s never too late to talk about my GIRL

What I love about them:

i could probably write a whole ramble about how the disciples are an evil mirror of the main trio even though tts failed abysmally to take advantage of this bUT suffice it to say sugracha is just evil rapunzel™️ and i love that for her. actually no not suffice it to say because i need everyone to understand that i am absolutely dead serious about this and it goes WELL beyond them both being artists -

1. they approach their art in diametrically opposed ways rapunzel is all about expressionism and has a very loose, colorful style whereas sugracha is exacting and detailed, approaching art as a way of seeing - we could also get into how painting is for rapunzel a means of processing the past whereas for sugracha it’s a means of determining the future tbh. the point is they stand at totally opposite ends of the artistic scale.

2. rapunzel’s friendliness and genuine love for people is hampered by her lack of social skills, understanding of societal mores, and poor empathy/inability to really listen to people - this is a recurring thread. sugracha’s friendliness is made sinister by her malicious intentions but she has the charisma and keen understanding of what motivates people to successfully lure people in - she has an insightfulness that rapunzel does not which enables her to succeed in ways rapunzel could not.

3. rapunzel’s passion is exuberant and unrestrained and indiscriminate: she is excited about life and people and learning new things, she wants to see the world and experience whatever life throws at her. sugracha’s passion is singular in focus and tightly controlled, which i would argue makes it more potent because she can channel the full force of it into pursuit of a single goal, which again is not something i think rapunzel could sustain.

4. the obvious reading of PB is rapunzel as a representation of choice and sugracha as her natural opposite but i find it very interesting that sugracha specifically uses the phrase “making difficult choices is part of life” and rapunzel ultimately rejects this by saying “making difficult choices is what makes us who we are” (i’m paraphrasing here so this is not an exact quote). because! quite apart from the whole mind control issue, rather than being a compulsion vs choice issue i like to read this as a choices are imposed by external forces (life itself demands that we make choices) vs choices are motivated from within (our intrinsic desires demand that we make choices) aND.

4a. this distinction imo is what defines their relationships with zhan tiri (this is getting wildly into headcanon territory with sugracha but please bear with me): rapunzel views zhan tiri as a force or being antithetical to the world she wants to live in and must therefore repeatedly make the choice to stand against her because to do otherwise would be to deny the demands of her own heart; meanwhile sugracha views zhan tiri as a natural, inevitable force and the choice to resist that—to not embrace zhan tiri and what she stands for, to not be consumed with obsession for her—is to her just as unthinkable as submission is to rapunzel.

5. which is an interesting contrast because rapunzel as a character is incredibly passive - she is a reactive protagonist throughout all three seasons and seldom if ever takes the initiative to drive the plot forward herself, with most plot progression coming from either the assistance of secondary characters or from the attacks of villainous ones - whereas sugracha is incredibly active - the instant she’s released she constructs and executes an intricate plan to free zhan tiri.

5a. what i’m getting at here is i think rapunzel’s intrinsic motivations are very weak which leads to her not acting unless she is acutely in distress or otherwise in crisis, whereas sugracha’s external motivations are so profound and all-encompassing that she has no choice but to act.

ANYWAY. all of this to say that i really do think sugracha represents the worst extremes and excesses of rapunzel’s flaws: even the externality of her art and her choices are in a way reflective of rapunzel’s passivity - where rapunzel relies on intrinsic motivations that only compel her to action when the situation feels truly dire or when other people force her to make a decision, sugracha is focused so thoroughly on exterior goals and passions that her intrinsic desires don’t even matter…so unlike rapunzel she is literally incapable of complacency or being paralyzed by indecision, both of which are things rapunzel’s weak intrinsic motivation and hesitancy to commit to choices lead her to struggle with.

and i am just…completely obsessed with all of this i think about sugracha CONSTANTLY

What I hate about them:

why in the FUCK was she only in one episode

Favorite Moment/Quote:

“my dear, whether or not they fall is completely up to you. finish my spell, and i’ll spare them. the choice is yours.” bonus points for the fucking SICK animation as she transforms from her ghost form into sugarby again.

i also love the way her voice sinks and unfolds out of the cutesy old lady voice she affected as sugarby when she reveals herself as sugracha i hear “please, sugarby was merely the vessel i chose to suit my purpose” and i go bonkers every time

What I would like to see more focus on:

i would like it if LITERALLY ANYONE BESIDES ME wrote about her. 14 fics on ao3 and two of them are mine and seven of them are weird kink fics with a gazillion characters tagged -__-

What I would like to see less focus on:

no 💚 ask me again when more people have given her the attention she deserves

Favorite pairing with:

i’m very fond of gothel as sugracha’s shitty ex i think it’s very fun

also like she definitely crushed hard on zhan tiri back in the day we’re all in agreement about that right

Favorite friendship:

they literally do not interact in canon but she and tromus both have such strong personalities that the evil brotp basically writes itself

NOTP:

do people ship her with tromus. he is a man and she is a woman so i can only assume that someone somewhere thought ‘i bet they were tOgEtHeR’ and. no 💚

Favorite headcanon:

*crazed waving at the third act of benighted*