#my comment was a joke more than anything
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and there it is folks!! The response to a youtube comment I was expecting!! I’m genuinely surprised it didn’t come sooner!!
#like no yeah I agree#my comment was a joke more than anything#they were nice about it though#they had yucky vibes don��t get me wrong#but like they weren’t rancid vibes y’know???#more of a ���you seem like a very nice person that I do not want to be around’ type thing#anyway
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do fandom people realize that gleefully firing off mean little zingers at the socially accepted online target of the week for clicks is functionally identical to the way high school bullies use cruelty for clout, or do they lack that level of self awareness?
#i am TIRED#i have unfollowed/blocked so many fandom people lately#because the way they sling nasty comments around as soon as they think they can get away with it#tells me everything i need to know about the kinds of people they are#like it's always obvious when someone has cruel impulses they've just been waiting for the chance to indulge without consequences#when they can pretend that they're ''punching up'' because their target is ostensibly higher up the social foodchain#but the insults/comments/meanspirited jokes are all rooted in queerphobia or racism or ableism or misogyny or classism etc#and therefore do more harm to others than to the person they're theoretically aiming at#like... i see you#(this isn't about anything current or specific btw)#(wrote this post a month or two ago and just found it in my drafts)#(but the point stands because i've definitely continued to encounter the same shit)#fandom problems#wank adjacent
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Continuing the rant-iness of last post's notes onto this one i think (I appreciate if they're read, i think I'm too self-conscious to have them in the post itself)
#another thing that's kinda starting to get to me is the engagement these chapters get#i just remember i used to get more comments on Ao3 from a handful different people last year when i was uploaded Ch3 stuff#and now i kinda just get them from the same few people#don't get me wrong. i LOVE those and shout out to these people y'all are real ones fr#but when I'm releasing 10k+ words chapters back to back and getting so little engagement it starts to feel a bit discouraging#like. what happened? is my writing getting worse? are my ideas not as interesting as they were then?#i know it's most likely because I'm no longer posting updates weekly like i used to last year#but part of me can't help but worry if the fault it's on me as a writter#so to anyone who bothered reading these rambly notes; please! leave comments!#i hate being this annoying i feel awful asking for this but it's the one way i can tell people are actually taking their time with my stuff#even if it's a short comment. a thought or a joke. i assure you anything is better than silence#and I'll appreciate it so so much#hyena ramblings#dra -2+2#rant i guess?#more like vent now that i think about it
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genuinely i dont even care that im not working on an original project, usually for all these years i would rather spend my time on one of my own worlds but ive been having so much fun with sonic for like a Year now and its only going up
im actually serious about these fan works and loving every second of it, sorry to everyone whos looking for other stuff this is the only thing youre gonna get from me this next half decade minimum lol
#when i release collections/zines and start uploading a fan comic and games you have to be real nice to me okay#joking btw i really dont gaf what anyone beyond a few individuals has to say about it#im making these things bc i want them to be real more than anything in the world#+ love how unknown my sideblog is like i can post whatever and not expect random comments. just archiving posts and collecting thoughts#venspeaks
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JoJo Siwa doesn’t deserve all the hate (and homophobia) she’s getting for her style and music; but she does deserve scrutiny for defending Colleen Ballinger and being both active and complicit in abuse that happened on her TV show. Like the girl has been under the public eye in unhealthy environments all her life; cut her some slack — not too much; she’s still a responsible adult — but if you’re going to dogpile her, then at least dogpile her for the right reasons. Jesus Fucking Christ.
#jojo siwa#discourse#Her comment sections are VILE#I actually don’t hate her songs. They’re basically early-2000s new old stock and I like early 2000s music#Is she trying too hard to look like an “adult?” Yes. But that’s understandable.#What isn’t understandable is screaming at children for no fucking reason#and JoJo not helping at all when a girl was hemorrhaging out her belly button#when JoJo’s mother told the girl to “put a pad on it”#I don’t care how afraid you are of your parents; you END that shit the second you see it#I was raised in a cult and I actively sabotaged my parents’ preaching work on multiple occasions#I didn’t know if I’d get kicked out if they found out I did that; the only reason I still have a relationship with them#is because they never found out about my later sabotage#Dad preached to a waitress dangling a cure for her sons’ disorder in front of her nose as incentive to join and gave her literature#So I went to the restaurant with him and insisted I pay for the tip.#I gave her eight dollars and a sticky note with a bunch of keywords about the cult’s abuses to look up#The next time I went there#she said didn’t understand the sticky note and asked me while he was gone what I meant#I hate talking to people especially when I’m under pressure because I trip over my words even when I’m NOT anxious#But her kids’ lives being free of a cult meant more to me than avoiding a momentary discomfort so I gave a quick rundown#She thanked me and heeded my warning basically playing along with me and not saying anything to my dad about it#I was 20; JoJo was about 19 when her show was going on#She had no excuse for allowing her mom to do that.#At the very least she could have said “Oh god I’m so sorry she said that. Please don’t hurt yourself for my show; go to the hospital.”#But no. She didn’t do that. In fact she screamed at children and joked that if they were crying then it was a good show.#Bitch come here and do that in front of me. I double dog dare you. I may only be 5’5” but I fight dirty and I’m angrier than you#Sorry. I guess I do hate her… for THAT specifically.#Like yeah I’ve fucked up with the kids I help and yelled when I didn’t have to but I HATED doing it and tried to do better later#Why someone would SCREAM at kids on purpose for long periods of time for no reason is beyond me
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yeah, so i need to find a way to tell my man that i legitimately can't do anything if someone is in the room with me
#fun fact my dad's wife took over every single space in the house so i only felt comfortable existing in my room#like the whole thought of just hanging out in the living room is absolutely wild to me#i moved in with my man 3 years ago and i was determined to change that. i decorated the living room. have stuff in the kitchen#but still can't get away from that mentality so i've been confined to the bedroom#it's more of my room than our room cause it's full of my figures and collectables and he hangs out downstairs most of the time#and like im doing nothing wrong but i seriously cant be in the computer doing my thing or watching tv or anything if he's in the room#like i legitimately feel bad if i do it. as if im not paying attention to him? like i need to pander to him?#the other day he fell asleep so i started watching an anime he doesn't like and he made a comment in passing today...#and it completely threw me off. it was a joke but now i feel i can't do it in his presence anymore#like damn girl calm down lol
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Vent //
Was at the breakfast table today and the brother of my little brother's girlfriend was having his first communion celebration tomorrow. My brother and my mom wanted to give him a gift, but were blanking. So me, trying to be helpful, just said what I got for my first communion: a journal, a rosary, and a shawl (cowl?) with the Mother Mary. My older brother for no fucking reason said "yeah but you're a girl" like.....okay..? As if those three items aren't unisex anyways...?
I just. Felt so shut down, and I wasn't expecting it from him of all people.
#it was such an awkward lull in the convo too. no one else really reacted to that comment which im thankful for#but wow. i just. im honestly more confused than anything? what was the perogative? what were you trying to gain by such a comment?#were you trying to get people to agree with you? was it to make a joke...?#i just. dont understand that mild bout of misogyny.#hes wrong tho. cuz like im not even a girl but oh yknow.#this bird speaks#urgh its. annoying#its not like i havent been insulted by my siblings before but this time it felt Different and i keep spinning it around in my head
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Hello isat people.
Should i join the isat discord?
#Uhh most of my thoughts are in the tags cause thats The Secret Place.#Anyways. Im like. Nervous to join. cause ive joined big discord servers before but ive never stayed for long cause i basically only lurk#idk talking to strangers online is hard :(#and also i wouldnt actually like. contribute anything#like everyone ive seen around isat is an artist or music creator or writer#and i do nothing. i create nothing cause im boring and bad. Ive made a grand total of one (1) bad joke.#so ig itd feel weird for me to join? i dont belong with yall. yall are better than me#idk advice please#....uhh i dont wanna maintag this cause. no.#so ig if you see this reblog rather than comment? Cause most of you have more followers than me.#if you dont mind! obviously. do whatevers comfortable for you im just a stranger online dont let me alone dictate what you do
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How did you get into tcc?
CONFESSION 200
#from what I remember#it all started back in 2016-17#when I discovered about ted bundy and I got interested#so I searched him up in google than when I click on the images#there were fanart of him and I got interested more wanting to know what the people in the group with him did#than when I clicked on the image website#it lead me to tumblr so I made an account curious about it#that’s when I discovered about mass shooters#I got interested again(it was Dylan and Eric)#I than scroll through every tag but without interacting cause I didn’t want my family to know💔#and I just wrote down the user on my diary just so I could go back to my fav tcc account and see if they posted anything or reblogged#and that’s when I first made an insta account cause back than#there were a lot of tcc accounts#but since my family found out I had insta and wanted to follow me and follow them back#of course I didn’t interact I just secretly scroll through the tcc tags of any killers and shooters#and read comments#but without interacting#and of course I wrote down any of my fav tcc accounts users down just so I could go back and see if they posted something new#or rewatched their edits and laugh at their jokes
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i hate getting “is this ____” comments like. yeah. it is. sorry
#how to suddenly get stupidly self conscious about the things you like step one upload anything to pinterest and get ine of these comments#its always my sbahj and also recently bill and ted posts#which like. ESPECIALLY with sbahj like hi yeah i like the stupid joke comic more than actual homestuck. you can kill me now thats fine#they always feel so judgemental even though like rationally i know they most likely arent. but still#jello shut up challenge#the WORST one though was when someone thought one of my sbahj posts was smth else and i corrected them and they just said “oh”. hhggghhgghh
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oh yes on the topic of submissions...
i had one from someone in my inbox from YONKS ago that tumblr is not letting me post for some reason. that person also sent me an ask about whether i could provide links to the videos/places i found the comments on (i would just answer their ask but it explicitly references their submission which, again, tumblr won't let me post... and also it was from ages ago) so let me answer that here
unless i think that mentioning the source amplifies the comment, or provides some humorous context, i usually don't do that as a general rule. if someone asks for the comment source and i still remember what it was, i'll tell them, but i don't tend to mention it explicitly on the post itself
i don't tend to redact pfps or usernames (to give some form of credit to the authors of the comments, sometimes they make the comment better, they're already public on the internet & usually posted on videos by youtubers exponentially more popular than my blog & usually post obscure comments i had to scroll for quite a while to find anyway, it's fun when someone recognizes their own username, etc etc), so this is an alternate method of security against people trying to be weirdos to the featured commenters. most of my posts come from youtube, which doesn't even have a direct messaging system anymore, which is simultaneously why i feel fairly comfortable leaving pfps/usernames unredacted on these comments and why i feel it's better if i try not to provide TOO many context hints at least in the actual text of the post. just on the off chance some bitter weirdo wants to try being a bitter weirdo, you know? and if someone goes all the way out of their way to try and track these comments down explicitly to bully these people, then at this point, it kinda seems like redacting that stuff wouldn't have helped anyway. while i definitely do not condone harassing anyone from here, i also... don't think it'd exactly be My fault there, and entirely the fault of this hypothetical extremely brainrotted rando. this has, to my knowledge, never once happened, but just putting that out there
i do give little hints or context notes in the tags on occasion, under the general assumption that anyone following this blog knows that this is a place of comment appreciation, an art gallery of Internet Humans. usually it only extends to mentioning the youtuber or what type of video it was, but as a general statement. this is the other part of my philosophy here: i enjoy hunting for comments as a sort of peoplewatching-esque hobby and i think other people should try it out (so long as they have the self-restraint to NOT reply to people even if they make you mad. it's never worth it man.). i also think it'd be a fun treat for someone to only get a hint, figure out what video it was, and then go on their own hunt and see the comments in the wild. i often skip over Loads that don't quite make the cut so you'll probably find something else fun in there
does that make sense? it does to me. anyway if anyone ever wants to know where i found a comment just ask and i'll tell you, so long as i remember. fair warning, the older the post the comment is on, the more likely i am to have forgotten what specific video it was. i usually at least have a vague idea of the original poster and/or the content/topic of the video but sometimes i don't
#not comments#i can tell you right now anything 2021 or earlier was very likely from someone in the drew gooden/danny gonzalez commentary youtuber bubble#contemporaneously and as per my personal taste at the time: drew/danny/cody ko/eddy burback/maybe jarvis johnson?#never really been into kurtis's style so idk if there's anything from him on here#i watched jarvis back then the question mark pertains mostly to whether any of the comments came from his videos#danny has Loads of videos more subs and an audience that skews younger than the rest#(because his style of humor is more accessible/appealing to a wider audience than say drew's extremely dry humor)#(and also he's got a young face. people constantly comment stuff like 'i forget he isn't 16 until he mentions his wife')#so most of my posts are likely from a danny video somewhere#the hamster with a handgun was from his video titled something like DOGS ARE CANCELLED#there were approximately 500 other comments making that exact same joke but the hamster one was the funniest imo#i don't even care if it was a piggyback comment. '31 warning shots directly into his stomach' was leagues ahead of the rest#anyway. there's my tip and trick if you're curious about older posts#there are exceptions and anytjing 2022 and beyond is more ambiguous#cause my posts were more sporadic i think because video essays were getting more popular & i don't find as many postable comments on those#but i was and am addicted to them#so rather than being able to say 'oh probably a commentary youtuber it was all i was watching' the really good comments are like#'ummm... hmmm... well this one was on some random how it's made video... this was a minecraft video... this was jerma...'#anyway. i have gotten distracted. need to go do some non-comment writing. some big boy writing
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Bruh
#my newest hire was a cishet man which like great except everyone here is queer to some capacity#no big deal but uhhh the owner jumps at the chance to pay cis men more/give them more oppurtunities#like this guy STARTED at the same wage as my keyholder that's been here for a year (who the owner regularly forgets the name of)#the owner puts so much faith in cis men but the last THREE that have worked here have all left/been fired within months#bc they realize that they get paid mode than all the “female” staff and slack off within weeks of working here#like idk how many times I'm going to have to listen to a man say he respects me transitioning#and then doesnt respect my leadership at all#like I am the manager#I have been manager for nearly a year and before that I was assistant Manager for 7 months#I know how to do more in the internal systems than the owner himself does#do I get paid enough? no#(I mean none of us do it's ridiculous)#but like this man (new hire) is talking shit bc he went to an event with the owner yesterday and is 'spilling the tea' about things he said#and like it is all stuff that the guy has commented on himself so im like 🤨 owner never says that to my face that's funny#he even said 'J is great but don't fall into his leadership habits' like what the fuck does that mean?#I order for TWO of your stores#I am learning how to use the $5k coffee roaster you just bought when im used to a $600 because I OFFERED#I am loyal to everyone here and the customers I will always make nice with them and have countless connections through them including#to over a dozen restaurants/suppliers that buy in bulk from us that the owner DOESNT bc hes cocky and thinks he doesnt have to#but 🤪 I'm soooo lazy and don't do anything#we are the biggest location in the snobbiest part of this town I take entitlement in stride#but not if it's coming from a new hire who jokes 'maybe if you had a penis he'd like you more'#😂😂 kill yourself homie I have more balls than you do
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i have a theory that any franchise that lasts long enough eventually becomes incestuous and ends up eating its own tail, thematically. stories in these franchises can only ever comment on themselves
i think a lot about what alan moore said about his work on the killing joke, about how hollow it is in hindsight since the theme really just boils down to "batman and the joker are kinda similar when you think about it", which i suppose is a pretty novel observation, certainly changes the way i read batman comics, but what is there in that insight for me as a human being living in the real world that i can apply to my actual life? not a whole lot. all it can do is reward emotional investment in the brand of batman. if you don't really give a shit about batman there's nothing there for you.
the disney era of star wars is especially bad about this. by and large they're really just about our relationship to star wars. even the last jedi, which tries to be a little more critical about it, still can't break out of the thematic black hole the franchise has become. andor is possibly the only exception to this, and i steadfastly believe that was a total fluke. don't get it twisted, andor is good despite its connection to star wars, not because of it, and if it were just an original tv show about resisting space fascism, it would probably be better for it (if less popular). we're all lowkey dreading the second season bc we know that no star wars property can resist devolving into a nostalgia wank fest forever
there's nothing inherently wrong with hollow entertainment, but i do think there's something grotesque about pumping the gdp of a small nation into an entertainment product that doesn't aspire to be anything more than an advertisement for itself
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(part of the Wife at First Sight series)
In Ghost’s eyes, the first time you smiled up at him was the moment you became his and his alone.
So what if everyone apart from you knew it?
Didn’t make it any less of a fact, as far as he was concerned.
Still though, he wanted to learn more about just who his pretty little wife was, including anything that might make letting you know about your marriage a little easier. And so like the good soldier he is, he goes about it as though it were a reconnaissance mission.
He asks you how you take your coffees and teas, holding his breath as he watches you take the first sip of whichever drink he’s made you that day, pride swelling in his chest when you tell him it’s perfect, even better than when you make it.
The first time he’d done so, your eyes widened in surprise when he put his large, gloved hands over yours where they were wrapped around the mug, leaning forward and bringing the rim to his lips where he took a sip for himself, eyes locked with yours. You were unsure of what to think or say, but he apparently decided for you that this was okay, returning the warm drink to your mouth where he encouraged you to take another sip.
You figured that it was alright, he did make the tea for you after all, right?
You even laughed when he started only serving you in a mug with ‘Mrs.’ printed across the side, certain that it hadn’t been in any of the common room’s cupboards before.
He eyes the book peeking out of your bag one morning as you tuck it away, purchasing his own copy the very same day, curious to know what you like reading. You’re pleasantly surprised, if not a tad confused, when you find the next two books in the trilogy sat atop your desk soon after, a small note written in chicken scratch lain on top reads ‘To : Wife’. He’ll make a point of commenting on the novel if he sees you holding it, slipping in tid bits of information to impress you show he’s read it as well, likes the same things you like.
He’ll joke about how the food on the dining hall is always subpar, trying to casually find out what you like eating, subtly pulling out his phone and typing anything new into his notes app where he’s been keeping track of all your likes and dislikes. He just wants to get things right with you, be good for you, prove he can be the husband you need. You’re already perfect in his eyes, his sweet little soulmate who just doesn’t know it yet.
Though this was the first military base you’d ever worked on, you couldn’t recall anyone having ever warned you about the way Lieutenants apparently like to haze the new hires, never mind the fact that everyone else was apparently in on it.
No one bats an eye when you go to take the empty seat next to him in a briefing, and he wraps his strong arms around you to instead plop you down onto his muscular thighs, carrying on with the task at hand as though this is perfectly normal and professional. Even the Captain hardly glances at the interaction, so you figure it’s okay, some strange form of team bonding?
Not a soul comments on the way the Lieutenant insists on being the one to cut up your food and feed you bites during meals in the dining hall, pretending as though they don’t hear him telling you about how “my wife works hard enough, don’t need to be liftin’ a finger wit’ me around, love.”
They know to move out of the way if you’re approaching a closed door, knowing if the Lieutenant is anywhere near, he’ll be rushing to open the door for you before you can even attempt to do it yourself.
Even Soap has stopped complaining aloud and only rolls his eyes when Ghost drops anything and everything he’s doing- whether it’s spotting the Sergeant in the gym, being out on a morning run, hell even being in the middle of a shower- to send you a good morning text at six o clock on the dot. Every. Single. Morning.
No, you never exactly anticipated this sort of a running gag from a hardened military base, but you’re not exactly complaining either.
Not when you find your heart fluttering every time your fake work husband dotes on you like he really would marry you at the drop of a hat.
Besides, it’s all just playful, innocent fun, right?
Especially when everyone begins to apparently forget your name and instead refers to you only as Mrs Riley.
And when the Captain tells you that your requested time off for a honeymoon has been approved, something which you definitely don’t remember requesting, well that’s all just fun too, right?
#call of duty#call of duty fanfic#call of duty fic#simon riley#simon ghost riley#cod fanfic#ghost x reader#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#cod simon riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon fluff#ghost x you#cod simon ghost riley#ghost fanfic#you guys are all so nice to me#call of duty ghost#ghost cod#simon ghost riley x you#readwritealldayallnight#wife at first sight#wife at first sight series
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Oooohh i have a request!:
Playing “never have i ever” or something like that with logan and wade (maybe along the lines of a boring friday night with nothing else to do) and you admit to never having an orgasm by anyone but yourself
Flash forward you’re in logan’s arms and wade is eating the fuck out of your pussy, and then they switch 👀👀
i’ve written something similar two the second part here, but i love the never have i ever idea! // divider from @strangergraphics
boredom isn’t something heroes are used to. there’s always something happening somewhere, someone needing to be saved. but tonight, everything is quiet. the three of you were suspicious at first, but you checked every police scanner, news outlet, and all of your contacts and came up with nothing. the bad guys had decided to take an evening off, and now you were stuck with nothing to do.
you, wade, and logan all sit around in the living room with bottles of beer. you and wade stare at the mindless gameshow on tv while logan rests his eyes. you’re definitely bored, but wade is restless. it’s like he’s itching for something to do, like his body is physically unable to handle the inactivity.
“why don’t we play a game?” wade asks, startling logan awake.
the two of you look over at wade. “what kind of game?” you ask.
“i don’t know, ‘never have i ever?’”
logan rolls his eyes, then shuts them again. he’ll deny any “old man” comments, but he really is one. you elbow logan in the side and he opens them again.
“come on, it’ll be fun,” wade pleads.
“it’s not like we have anything better to do,” you say to logan. reluctantly, he agrees.
you reposition yourselves in the living room. you sit on the couch, leaned against the arm with your feet in logan’s lap, who sits on the other end. wade sits on the floor by the coffee table, his beer on the table without a coaster next to him.
“this is your game, wilson. you start,” logan says before taking a sip of his beer.
“no, don’t drink! you only drink if you’ve done the thing i say,” wade scoffs. how can logan be so old and still know nothing about fun? “okay, okay. never have i ever… gotten arrested.”
you furrow your eyebrows at him while logan takes a drink. you’re almost certainly wade has been arrested before. “i don’t think you’re playing this game right,” you say. “you have to say things you’ve never done.”
wade scoffs. “i haven’t been arrested, thank you very much. all the cops who’ve tried have mysteriously ended up with broken noses.”
you roll your eyes at him. “my turn now? never have i ever… cheated on a partner.”
both of them take drinks, wade with more shame than logan. ugh, men.
then it’s logan’s turn. “never have i ever worn a dress.”
you figure it’s targeted at you, just because logan’s a dick, but to your surprise, wade drinks too. logan raises his eyebrow at him, silently urging him to elaborate.
“you wish you saw that, huh, peanut?” he taunts instead. logan makes a face at that.
“i’m thankin’ god i didn’t have to.”
you play a couple more rounds, all three of you exchanging stories and sipping from your bottles. it takes a lot to get them drunk, but you’re starting to feel it. there’s a collection of empty bottles, mostly beer, but halfway through the game, wade decided to up the ante with some liquor.
it’s wade’s turn again and he says, “never have i ever been with two guys at once.”
he means it as a joke. he doesn’t expect anyone to drink. there’s no way logan would do something like that, and you’re too innocent. that’s why his eyes practically pop out of his head when you throw back the shot.
the game turned sexual a few rounds ago, but it was pretty mild stuff. talk about doing stuff in public, kinks, freaky shit like that. nothing as interesting as this.
both wade and logan turn their full attention to you, eager to hear this story.
“what?” you play dumb.
“two guys at once?” wade asks. you shrug.
“it wasn’t anything.”
“nah,” logan says, sounding interested for the first time all game. “you gotta tell us.”
you sigh. “it was a while ago. i met this couple at a bar and they said they were looking for a third. i had nothing better to do and they were both hot, so…” you trail off, shrugging again.
“give us the gory details. how’d you do it? daisy chain?eiffel tower? double cowgirl? triple spooning? come on, tell us,” wade rambles.
“you’re a fucking perv,” you tell him and he doesn’t deny it. “it was just normal dp.”
logan raises an eyebow. “that stands for double penetration,” wade tells him.
“i know that. i’m just wondering how you took it all,” logan says.
you’re used to this kind of talk from wade. the man thinks with his dick so much that you question if he even has a brain. you’re not, however, used to this from logan. he’s no prude, but he usually doesn’t participate in these kinds of conversations with wade.
“must’ve been a tight fit,” logan adds on.
you look between the men and their interested faces. you’re still pretty bored, the game having grown stale a while ago, and now you’re a tipsy. you want something exciting and right now, you’re feeling bold enough to persue it.
“do you wanna see?” you ask them.
wade and logan share a glance, but it only takes a second before they’re replying “yes” in unison.
#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#wade wilson#wade wilson x reader#wolverine x reader#wolverine#deadpool#deadpool x reader#wade wilson smut#wade wilson fanfic#wade wilson fanfiction#logan howlett smut#logan howlett fanfiction#logan howlett fanfic#wolverine fanfiction#wolverine smut#wolverine fanfic#wolverine x deadpool#deadpool fanfic#deadpool fanfiction#deadpool smut#deadpool x wolverine#deadpool & wolverine#deadpool x reader x wolverine
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Modern AU where Shen Yuan accidentally sugar-daddies everyone.
So for the purposes of this, Shen Yuan's family is basically $10 Bananas levels of cluelessly rich. Shen Yuan has almost never had to look at the prices of anything he wants. He and his siblings all get an allowance from the family's main account, which increases when they reach adulthood, and in the interest of fairness his parents made it all the same size. So Shen Yuan gets the same amount of money for his daily living expenses as his older brothers with their penthouse apartments and vacation homes and private jets, at least from the family account (since he doesn't work, he doesn't actually make as much as them in total because they earn more on top of their allowances).
And the thing is, Shen Yuan genuinely just lives a lot more humbly. He likes people but what would he do with a vacation house? Anything really nice would probably require him to fly to get out there, and he gets sick as hell on planes. Living in the central city is also not great for him, because the air pollution is so bad. Having a whole house to himself would also be ridiculous. So he has a reasonable apartment, in a reasonable area, and he splurges every so often on purchases that make him happy and take-out food that he likes, and of course he pays a cleaning service to come in twice a week. Most people assume he's comfortably middle class and has some tech job he does from home, but he's been getting a lot more than he's been spending in his monthly allowances for years now, and the figures are big.
Enter into this environment author Airplane and his trash novels. Novels, multiple, because in this AU there's no PIDW, and instead after some alternate PIDW prototype got popular in the harem genre, Airplane decided to churn out a series of copy-paste shorter stories rather than recycling the same subplots in one massively long epic.
Shen Yuan of course discovers Airplane's writing and becomes as obsessed with it as ever, except this time he notices that if there are delays between new stories, they seem to clear up faster whenever he throws some cash at the problem. And also that the drops in Airplane's writing quality coincide with times when Shen Yuan was having health issues and not keeping up with his VIP purchases. So, he works out that Airplane's probably doing the writing for the money, and that when Peerless Cucumber isn't paying the most for it, Airplane starts listening to the other buffoons in the comment section more to try and entice them to pay his bills instead.
Peerless Cucumber leaves a comment on one of Airplane's latest stories that kicks off the two of them actually chatting, and Shen Yuan eventually gets to the point of offering to fund all Airplane's writing, in exchange for Airplane not doing his crap sellout stuff to appeal to other readers anymore. Airplane thinks he's joking or maybe mocking him. Shen Yuan asks how much it would cost. Airplane fires off a ridiculous number. Shen Yuan doesn't even blink and wires him the first payment. Then he gets annoyed because Airplane leaves him on read for a while, but that's because Airplane is staring at his account balance in shock.
Of course, it's Airplane who starts referring to Peerless Cucumber as his sugar daddy. Shen Yuan is just like "based on your sex scenes I don't think anyone would pay you for that" and Airplane's all "but you WOULD pay for my sex scenes ^_~" and Shen Yuan's like "technically I am actually paying you not to write that shit" and so on. Usual banter. The quality of Airplane's writing improves dramatically, a lot of his readership drops off but he does get new readers and gradually builds up an even bigger fanbase than before, and so on, it all goes pretty well. He eventually writes a few things that take off to the point of getting physical publications and international translations. Technically Airplane no longer needs Shen Yuan to pay all of his bills by that point but he's not going to tell Shen Yuan that! The contract's still good as long as he keeps writing!
Then one of Airplane's online acquaintances runs into some financial trouble and asks for help.
Liu Mingyan used to beta read for Airplane back when he wrote fanfiction (she was like thirteen, Airplane was unaware because internet and hey free beta), and it seems her family has hit a rough patch. She wants tips on how to go pro, but Airplane explains that it was extremely difficult and he mostly lucked out by finding a single wealthy backer. Mingyan wonders if the same guy would be interested in her writing, Airplane sadly thinks not because Mingyan exclusively writes kinky danmei erotica and Peerless Cucumber seems pretty firmly in the closet still and also generally prefers plotty and world-building heavy stuff.
But like, Airplane has definitely gotten a vibe off of Cucumber-bro, and Mingyan's gorgeous older brother does video streams of himself doing cool martial arts and swordsmanship stuff. So he asks her permission and when she gives it, he recommends Liu Qingge's videos to Shen Yuan, being sure to mention that the guy in question can't really afford to keep up with his hobbies and oh what a shame it would be if he had to stop making art like that.
Haha, Airplane, you're not subtle.
Even so, Shen Yuan watches the videos and immediately agrees that Liu Qingge is beauty in motion, and that it would be criminal to deprive the world of more videos of his sword. Swordsmanship! That is the, the art of, martial arts! Definitely. He clicks the donate button, reasoning out that he'll just send a donation about the size of his usual monthly payments to Airplane and call it his good deed for the day.
Liu Qingge is very confused by this new follower from nowhere who suddenly dumped a little over a month's rent into his account. One thing leads to another, with Mingyan and Airplane conspiring to try and get Shen Yuan as a permanent patron, and then Liu Qingge being let in on it. Except that Airplane keeps referring to Shen Yuan as his sugar daddy, and well... it's not like Liu Qingge doesn't ever get 'those' kinds of comments on his videos. At first he's embarrassed, then offended, then mortified that his own younger sister is apparently setting him up to make premium private videos for what he assumes is some old pervert who is going to want him to do untoward things.
However, their options are pretty bleak at the moment, and Liu Qingge worries that if he doesn't do this then Mingyan might. She even mentions something to the effect of having planned to offer herself, and only didn't because she wasn't this "sugar daddy" guy's type!
Teeth clenched, Liu Qingge asks Airplane stiltedly for advice on how to... appeal, to this wealthy benefactor.
In the end though it's not nearly as bad as Liu Qingge feared. He winds up doing more videos in costumes and cosplay, which ought to have been an untenable expense, but Peerless Cucumber always ends up covering the cost of whatever he invests in plus extra. Sometimes he sends Liu Qingge stuff with a request to wear it, but so far it's just been like, badass warrior-themed or historical costumes. Nothing overtly pervy. He does some LARPing, he makes enough to start doing horseback archery again, convinces some of his good-looking peers from various clubs to spar with him, and ultimately the most risque videos he ends up doing are the ones where he demonstrates how to put on certain kinds of gear. He still locks those ones behind paid subscribers only, mostly because he feels like he's doing something illicit now, even if he used to show more skin on his older videos any time he took his shirt off.
Peerless Cucumber doesn't leave creepy comments, either. In fact he seems genuinely nice and supportive, it's hard not to like him, and so even once his situation levels out Liu Qingge decides there's not really much need to stop making videos for him. (He maybe even gets a little giddy thrill over... well, sometimes he finds it all a bit... just when he thinks about Peerless Cucumber watching him demonstrate his physical prowess and finding that alone worth... ANYWAY--)
So that goes on for a while, before Yue Qi enters the scene.
Yue Qi is the childhood friend of one of Shen Yuan's older brothers (Shen bros!) and Shen Jiu owes him a big favor for something that he won't talk about. At least he won't talk to Shen Yuan about it. But Yue Qi is also not the type to ask for help, and Shen Jiu is very bad at offering it, so when Shen Jiu gets word that Yue Qi is having some difficulties making ends meet, he tells Shen Yuan to act as the middle man. Go offer Qi-ge money, he knows you're nice he'll just accept it, and then Shen Jiu will pay the actual bill.
Well it turns out that Yue Qi doesn't just accept it, of course he sees right through it, and gently but firmly tells Shen Yuan that he's not interested in burdening Shen Jiu further than he already has. Etc, etc, stoic stiff upper lips and no proper communication all around. Shen Yuan panics because it's not working and he's also genuinely worried about Yue Qi by now, so he tries to figure out how to make it compelling and basically blurts that, well, see, the thing is that sometimes he pays men to entertain him. You know. To like. Do things, for him. So. He could also pay Yue Qi? To do something for him?
Yue Qi gets the wrong idea entirely, and at first is like, oh, no, A'Yuan, you shouldn't be paying people for that! These things should just happen organically! But Shen Yuan is very adamant that he believes in compensating people for what they do for him, it's not like he can't afford to, and it gets awkward but Yue Qi is like well he does have health problems. It's perhaps difficult for him to meet people. So then he starts worrying about Shen Yuan and all these strange men he's apparently paying for "entertainment". Does his brother know about this?
No of course Shen Jiu doesn't know! He'd hate it, and Shen Yuan doesn't want to hear about how he's doing everything wrong with his life again!
Then Shen Yuan mentions that his prior house cleaning service up and quit on him (they didn't), and if Yue Qi would like to earn fair compensation he could just come over sometimes to help instead, and Shen Yuan would pay him just to tidy up and hang out for a few hours! Which Yue Qi thinks is a fantastic idea, actually, even if Shen Yuan is only doing this because of his brother, this will give Yue Qi a chance to keep an eye on him and his so-called entertainers. Even if he sort of... ends up also being one?
Shen Yuan keeps everything above board, though his apartment always seems perfectly clean and he overpays way too much (Shen Jiu is still footing this bill after all), and Yue Qi starts to think maybe he actually is being paid for intimacy. Of a sort that they're maybe still working up to? Shen Yuan usually has a very thin face after all. He's kind of got two minds about this prospect. On the one hand, he's got his situationship with Shen Jiu, so dating his brother would be absurd. But on the other hand, it's not actually dating, and he does like Shen Yuan, and maybe if they can be good company for each other then Yue Qi won't feel so depressed and Shen Yuan won't need to hire strange men so often.
Meanwhile it's come to Shen Yuan's attention, perhaps through an offhand comment he read online somewhere, that people who are struggling financially often also struggle to "treat themselves". Because even when they have enough money to be comfortable there's often the looming specter of deprivation, and etc, so he figures he should start buying some of his dependents more treats and things. Since they might not buy them for themselves? And also he's enjoying doing this but shhh no he isn't, it's a huge hassle, he's only doing it out of basic moral decency, etc.
So like, Airplane starts getting little things that he'd put on some public wish lists, clearly sent by Peerless Cucumber. And he tells Mingyan to make a list for Liu Qingge too, and sure enough, Liu Qingge (bewildered, slightly flustered) tries to figure out what he's supposed to do with an album from a band he likes and some high-end leather polish. Ultimately settles on playing the music and wearing his nicest leather in his next video. Yue Qi starts arriving at Shen Yuan's place to be plied with his favorite coffees and to have scented candles awkwardly foisted onto him (Shen Yuan does not know what Yue Qi likes in gifts) (he buys these presents himself they're not out of Shen Jiu's pocket).
So finally Shen Yuan's parents start to notice that he's been spending a lot more than usual, and start to worry that he's either been taken in by a scam artist or is secretly dating a gold digger or has developed a drug addiction or something. But asking things directly like normal people is basically illegal in the Shen family, so they decide to hire a private investigator.
Enter Luo Binghe, a young man of humble background who is struggling to make ends meet after the untimely death of his adoptive mother, and is using his P.I. job and his online cooking videos to help pay his way through school (scholarship student). Usually his cases are more like, cyberstalking someone to find out if they're cheating on their spouse, or helping someone planning a lawsuit accumulate evidence on their corrupt employer, or other things like that. When he gets the Shen Yuan case, the idea that the Shen family's son is paying for "company" is well within his list of probable answers.
Though this one is a little... peculiar?
Mostly because Binghe can't find evidence of Shen Yuan actually getting what he would, presumably, be paying for. At first Luo Binghe just goes through the online paper trails, using the info that the Shen parents give him to figure out that Shen Yuan is paying Airplane and Swordmaster Liu (*cough*) what seem to be exorbitant prices just for trashy fiction and cosplay videos. He assumes this is a cover, that someone's actually delivering drugs or going over for "private meetings" or at least actually sending dirty videos as well, but even when he pays for Liu Qingge's VIP access it's just tutorials and such. Neither of these guys are even on any of the sites that are more lenient towards hosting explicit content. Luo Binghe's aware that kinks aren't always obviously sexual, but people don't usually pay through the nose for the kind of content they can easily find for free all over the place, either.
He digs a little more but keeps coming up empty on evidence to clarify which of the many vices the Shen family's son is actually indulging in. Which is a problem because that's the information they're paying him to find out. Plus his curiosity kind of piques as he reads Shen Yuan's seemingly quite invested comments on Airplane's writing and Liu Qingge's videos, looking to see if there's any kind of clandestine code or pattern. But near as he can tell, whatever else Shen Yuan might be getting out of these arrangements, he does genuinely like the stories and videos too? Well. Sometimes. Sometimes he's actually scathingly vitriolic towards Airplane's writing.
Luo Binghe decides that surveilling Shen Yuan himself is probably the way to go. That gets more complicated in court cases, but since the Shen parents just wants to know what's going on and aren't planning on prosecuting their son for anything, it doesn't matter as much if Luo Binghe gets information in sneaky or underhanded ways.
So, Binghe uses the account he created to access Liu Qingge's videos to chat with Shen Yuan a few times, and then recommends his own cooking channel. Shen Yuan doesn't seem too interested in cooking, so Luo Binghe makes sure to include a video that has an image of himself in his recommendation, and then films a few new videos of himself cooking with his shirtsleeves rolled up to three quarters and a few more buttons than usual unbuttoned, adopting a more flirty persona than he typically does for his shows. He takes his cues from some of Liu Qingge's more popular videos for how to be enticing bait.
It takes a few videos, but eventually Shen Yuan comments. Luo Binghe latches onto the chance to start talking to him, playing up a persona of a vulnerable young man with little means who is trying hard to make it through school, etc, and sure enough Shen Yuan seems interested. Well, most predatory people like vulnerable targets, don't they?
However... Shen Yuan just sends him a chunk of money.
Luo Binghe is confused.
Isn't he supposed to ask for something or create some kind of expectation of repayment first? But, maybe this is his approach to handling new targets. Maybe he's just trying to lull Binghe into a false sense of complacency, before he starts indicating what he wants from all of this. Luo Binghe makes sure to move the money Shen Yuan sends him into a separate account, so that if the Shen parents get angry about it then he can return it as a gesture of good faith.
But Shen Yuan just keeps sending supportive comments and donations. Eventually he leaves a comment that alludes to how badly he'd like to taste Binghe's cooking, and Binghe is like finally, but when he implies that they could perhaps meet in person and Luo Binghe could thank him for his support by making him something, Shen Yuan backs off.
Things eventually progress to the point where Luo Binghe, who is a totally normal person treating this like a totally normal job still thank you very much, is basically camping out in the bushes in front of Shen Yuan's apartment building. At some point he conscripts the aid of his weird cousin (finding his birth family was how he got into this business initially), and then almost immediately regrets it because Shen Yuan helps get Zhuzhi Lang a job doing landscaping for his building.
Why would he want Zhuzhi Lang close but not Binghe? Binghe is much handsomer! He'd make an excellent target for seduction! >:(
Anyway eventually Yue Qi catches Luo Binghe lurking around like a creeper and is like, finally, I have caught one of these suspicious men, whilst Binghe is like oh so he does have a lover, well this guy sucks and is clearly not good enough for him, and they both try and chase one another off and Shen Yuan comes home to a heated passive-aggressive-politeness war being waged in front of his apartment. Eventually he realizes the misunderstanding and calls everyone together (zoom conference? in-person meet-up?) to clarify that he is not paying any of them for "special favors", that was just Airplane being deranged about his sense of humor, and then he has no idea what to do when the prevailing response seems to be disappointment.
#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#shen yuan#bingqiu#cumplane#liushen#do shen yuan and yue qingyuan have a ship name?#idk#scum villain#shen yuan: fandom bicycle#lbh eventually comes clean about being hired by sy's parents#sy doesn't blame him he just sighs about his unhinged family
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