#my college just started and i im on my period and the pain is so bad i cant get ouf of bed and i still havent taken my adhd meds

[scatteredraysofhope]

Im overwhelmed anyone want to lie in the grass with me?

[thegoldensundreamer]

Love At Last

Onyankopon x black!reader

Warnings: exes, use of n word, squirting, fingering (f receiving), eating out (f receiving)

Word Count: 6.2k

He was a little older than me. A junior, and I, a sophomore. In college, you only had two focuses: have fun and study, and truthfully it helped me. No matter what anyone told me I had control to do whatever I wanted in life and didn't want anyone's opinions on how I'd be living it.

Honestly, that's what made my other ex's love me and even some, hate me.  But I mean it wasn't like he was always putting his expectations too high for me. Onyankopon just wanted to see me as my best self. When we broke up and I told him the reason as to why I couldn't do it anymore, it all really didn't make sense. I wanted to tell myself that I knew the reason as to why he was just so terrible but subconsciously I knew I didn't. And it was hard for me these past months. Really hard. I been seeing him on campus like a thousand times and he just keeps getting more beautiful and glowin like the sun.

He's the head of his team now and it never helps me that he didn't ever have any girls he just messed around with. Especially bonding and having a real relationship with his exes. Including me. And Its painful seeing him just living his life and me not hating him for any reason because he is really a great guy. So whenever I see him I make sure to shift my eyes to the complete opposite direction of where his head is at. Or even cover my face with a book or a water bottle to not have that awkward walk past. But I kind of wish he chased after me... and although I know its selfish I'm just as confused as when I left that boy. But I guess we all just have to move on.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"The assignment is still due this Sunday at 11:59 on Blackboard. I don't want any emails, text messages, or conversations next class about an extension. Period."

I honestly think Professor Rodriguez is tweaking now. No excuses? What if someone is sick or something?

The whole class groans as we pack all of our stuff. I mean, it's just a paper so I'm not tripping or anything. I just got to make sure to do it before the Que party this weekend. There's never been a problem before so I don't think I have anything to worry about.

Me and my girls have been planning to go to one of the Que parties we keep infamously hearing about. It's always wild, lit, and memorable till you graduate. All of a sudden when you get that degree they don't exist no more because you don't want no one to know of the hoe tales.

I haven't been to one of their parties yet, but Im excited. I haven't been outside in a while especially since I ended things with Ony. A few kickbacks here and there were going on this past semester for me but that's about it. I like being inside just as much or even more than I like being out.

When I walk down the university building, I put in my headphones ready to blast some Sexyy Red. That woman music got something in it I swear.

"I'm looking for the hoooesssss" I mouth to myself while I nod my head. Shit, I forgot how hard that bass goes. As I bob my head I can't remotely hear the voice behind me trying to catch my attention.

It was Jaden, one of Ony’s teammates, and he's also in Professor Rodriquez class. He gave up calling my name and just let me go.

•••

When I finally left the building and head to my car I instantly switch my music over to the Bluetooth aux and look at my assignment before I pull off. You see... he assigned it to us last Friday and I for real have just been procrastinating till now. I would say my time management is usually really good but its not.

"Ok so I got to just write about 500 words. I could do this tonight no problem."

I put down my phone and start adjusting my rear view mirror only to find light grey clouds of the day turning darker grey. I really hope it don't storm when I'm on the road.

Driving out of the lot and onto the highway, I continue blasting my hoochie playlist. Shrugging at the random pain in my heart I'm feeling, I call one of my girls talking about how much I think this party gon cut all my feelings from Ony and revive the party girl in me.

Im pulling into my apartment complex excited . I haven't been this joyous to go to a party in a while. The mere thought of shaking ass is bringing me serotonin. Just a sweet release of stress. Plus, it's Friday and the party is Saturday night so I'm definitely geeking.

When I stumble up the steps right before the entrance to my residence giddy and jovial, looking for my key, I slightly looked up. The scream in my head is definitely showing me how much I'm not over this feeling in my heart.

I stopped my movement and fought the urge to back step all the way back into my car and hide. I'm not sure why hes here at this time. It's 5:30 which isn't late for real but just a bit confusing enough to make you question why the hell someone is at your door uninvited. Especially since its here. At my apartment. And it's him. With his aura and skin glistening like oil on a hot body.

He was in some black muscle shirt with matching jogger pants. Shyly smiling at me at first but then noticing my expression, he looked down at the state of his body and cringed before looking back in my eyes. Clearly embarrassed. "Sorry you seeing me like this, I just came from practice so I'm still a little sweaty"

I secretly moaned in my head. He looks so good I had to catch my breath and his voice is still captivating up to now. I still can't forget the way he used to t-

I'm getting sidetracked. Let me regain this composure.

"Is there something you need?" I quietly ask. This is no good. The whole point is out of sight out of mind. You know how you want to block somebody on everything and really go out of your way to not see them in person so you won't have to think about them or double back? Well I feel like I'm breaking that right now. It's not my fault sure but the shame still feels the same.

Ony pulls out an object from his pocket. A white, slightly long but thin figure. He looks at it for a moment before looking up at me again and holding it up.

"I came here to give this to you. Im pretty sure it's yours. At least that's what Jaden said."

I squint my eyes in confusion at what he was holding and hurriedly looked through my tote bag to find that I did not have my Apple Pencil for my iPad.

So that's why he's here.

Apple pencils are expensive so I'm not mad. I would've been more upset if I only figured out I dropped it when I got inside and tried to start my paper. But how did he even get it?

He reached his arm out as I began to walk up to him for my pencil. I thanked him for bringing it to me and awkward silence overtook the little rain droplets that noted the thunderstorm about to take place.

Our hands touched ever so slightly as I grabbed my missing pencil. I withdrew immediately and he did the same faintly after. After a few long seconds, he broke the silence.

"Jaden gave it to me at the locker rooms after practice. He said he tried to give it to you after class but couldn't catch up or something so I guess he just wanted me to carry out the deed especially with some paper he mentioned."

I grinned and slightly nodded in understanding, quickly glancing at his eyes before staring at the Apple Pencil. It's strange. He can't really look me in the eye. I mean, I can't either but he's 6'2" so my excuse is good. On top of that, the nonchalance in his tone doesn't sit right with me. It's either he's forcing it or a part of me wants to believe he is just to delude myself that he still cares. It's unfair of me, especially since I probably broke his heart, but it's the real.

"I'll thank Jaden when I see him next class. Thank you for bringing it to me." I quip and walk past him to my door, beginning to find my keys in my bag with the pencil still in hand.

Damn when did I get this shy?

Onys attempt at being nonchalant somewhat was breaking. He stared at the pencil smiling as he spoke and pointed.

"I'm surprised you still have Chowder on there".

I turned my head around, mid-hand in bag. He was referring to the little sticker I had on my ex-missing item. The one that would help me differentiate my pencil from everyone else's so no one would take it. The one he gave me as a funny gift for the love of our mutual favorite childhood show.

I'm surprised he still remembers these little details about me. About us.

"Well it's still my favorite show. I don't think that's ever going to change." I giggle looking back for my keys.

It's hard to do this. To face him. How do people talk to their exes? This isn't even my first but damn. Now my minds all over the place with him and us all over it. All those memories we share. Good and bad.

I stop fiddling in my bag and spoke under my breath with the same thought, caught up in the idea.  "I'm surprised you still remember." I mumbled to myself.

I can feel his presence and his eyes on me, not exactly sure what his actions are. But his voice speaks up with a small sense of fervor in his tone. Something undeniably him. The tone I always craved since it left me.

"Y/n, you can't tell me you don't call to mind how Ive remembered every single thing I've been blessed to learn about you"

I still my hands from roaming once again after I found my keys. At this point, I don't know what's going on. But as I motion my mouth to find what to say a grand lightning bolt flashed down from the sky, hitting somewhere nearby. Thunder that sounded like an earthquake erupted, immediately pouring heavy rain down with it. With that, we instantaneously saw lampposts shut off. All electricity in the area immediately being gone in an instant.

"Ain't no way" I groaned. I can't believe this. I look around at all of the dark areas surrounding the complex except for the emergency lights powered from the generator. Putting my keys in the door, I heavily sigh opening up my residence.

Slowly walking in to the dim natural light from the blinds I turn around to Onyankopon, standing still at the doorstep, and tell him he can come in.

"Are you sure? My car is all good and everything I can still drive."

"In this storm?" I ask raising my eyebrow. I rolled my eyes, "You not gon get nowhere the way this storm going right now. It's fine. Plus, your place is probably out of electricity too."

He nods, "Well thanks, I really appreciate it" He awkwardly steps into the 3 bedroom apartment. My girls usually have class during this time last I checked so we're the only ones here.

I grab some candles to light across my home hoping for some sort of spark to brighten up the place.

Once I withdrew a breath and looked around, the rooms seemed to be lit up enough comfortably outside of the insanely romantic essence it gave off. I stood up from where I was crouched by the living room table where I made eye contact with him sitting up on the couch.

"Soooo could I get you anything?" I awkwardly stand there and he's just sitting... menacingly.

Ugh who am I kidding he looks so geeked out right now.

"It's honestly fine. Once the storm passes I'll be right out forreal you don't have to go through any trouble." He laughs.

With that in mind I obliged and went to my room setting up my laptop and iPad with my now found Apple Pencil. Since the electricity's gone that means I shouldn't have any distractions on focusing on my work.

"Right y/n, focus on the goal. It don't matter that your ex is in the other room. Get on your zoom!" Mumbling to myself  as I type in my username to blackboard to view the rubric.

"What the-"

Shit. Of course blackboard and the wifi is down too if all the electricity is out.

As I groan and leave my room to get a glass of water, I'm getting Ony one too. Seeing him roaming on his phone and placing the glass in front of him on the table I sit on the sofa opposite of him.

He looks up from his phone, "You did not have to do this", he began to grin to himself as he lifted the cup and started to drink.

As I began to speak we both got a notification.

ALL UNIVERSITY STUDENTS: ELECTRICITY IS DOWN ON CAMPUS AND ON AND OFF CAMPUS HOUSING DUE TO A SEVERE WEATHER STORM. MORE UPDATES WILL COME SOON. CURRENTLY, AN ESTIMATION OF 3 HOURS WILL BE NEEDED TO REPAIR DAMAGES TO ELECTRICAL UNITS.

"Fuck" I groaned.

"You're not gonna be able to finish that paper huh?" He questioned.

"No and it's due Sunday. I was hoping to knock it out today before the weekend really starts. I don't need to procrastinate anymore than I already have."

"Oh trust me I remember." He laughed. "I can help yknow. There's nothing else we can do here."

"On what though? Blackboard is down."

"Not google docs or notes app though." He smiled, "As long as you know what you're supposed to write about you're set."

"But I like looking at the rubric when I write to make sure my grades solidified"

"I'm hearing a lot of excuses misses honors student. If you wanted to do it you would at this point. Plus, my specialty is writing papers so I can definitely help"

I remember oh so well. This reminds me of when I procrastinated on a paper last semester the weekend before it was due just like this one and we stayed up till 3 AM writing it. So many laughs and double shot espressos from that time. His specialty really is writing essays and all sorts of papers. That assignment was 5000 words and we started the Saturday and still got an A.

"Shit, why not. It's only 500 words anyway" I joke.

He smiled and we got to work. The first hour went by like nothing. It felt like old times. 200 words were typed but the only thing holding us back was that I actually need to have proper cited sources. Professor Rodriguez do not play around either so it's been a painstaking amount of time trying to find anything with no internet and a on and off personal hotspot.

As Ony and I sit next to each other working on the paper, he lifts up his glass and it accidentally slipped out of his hands onto the table.

"Ah damn I'm so sorry. Let me-"

"No it's cool." I put down my laptop and got up to get a paper towel. When I sat back down and handed the paper towel to him our hands touched again. That once jovial, funny and somewhat relaxed mood we had was now gone. We're exes. This isn't what exes do. We're not friends.

But shit we were . That was exactly what we were like before we started anything or knew there was something there. Even during our relationship we felt just like this at times too. Where the hell did we go? Why did I let us go?

The awkward touch we had became more intimate as I decided to gently grab his hand. The eye contact he made was confused but willing. It spoke "why haven't you done this all this time while I'm right here?" Or at least that's what I think.

Our hands interlocked letting go of the paper towel at this point. Eye contact on something serious as we ask questions to each other with them. As I began to lean down on the couch, Ony couldn't stop staring between my eyes and my lips. He eventually and quickly took the dive, trying not to lose the moment. Embers burned and flowed through the air as he began to shift from my power to his. He embarked on leaning my back onto the couch rather than his. Hands splayed in my locs and taking small breaks to breathe before going back in.

Small moans escape my mouth as he's working me. Kisses pressed on my lips were coming down my chin... then my neck as he suckled on my skin. His hands roamed my body slowly. One on the side of my stomach nearing my ass and the other beginning to feel my breast under my shirt. At this point, he's starting to get more vocal, groaning and whispering sweet nothings along my body.

"You know how much I've missed you y/n. How much I've missed this pretty face... this pretty body... and this pretty pussy" he hissed one kiss after another. "Is this all ok? If you're not fine with this of course I'll stop. Tell me what you want."

His asking for consent was always so sexy and those words... damn I missed him and this.

I looked at his lust blown eyes as he looked up to mine from my stomach as he briefly stopped from going lower and lower.

"I want you Q. I'm all yours." My composure is definitely done at this point. He's got me right now.

"Don't worry. You know I will always take care of you." He slurred, slowly sliding my bottoms and panties down and kissing my inner thighs before locking them in his arms. It's been a while since I've been in this position and I've missed it since forever ago.

Slow pecks from my thighs came closer and closer to the apex of them. He must could tell how nervous I was since his thumbs gently rubbed where they laid at to comfort me. Im in love with the way they feel on me.

"So as you can see I do have some hair ri-"

He side eyed me. "Y/n I'm a grown ass man. You know I like my peaches with some fuzz on it. Now can I have my dinner please?"

He can get so forward like this it's making me shy. I rolled my eyes and laid my head back. I never thought I'd be in this predicament.

"Good girl. Just stay just like that baby."

He nestled his lips on my bundle, wrapping them on to gently suck at a slow and smooth pace. His rhythm was gradually fastening and shortly, his lips unattached from my clit to lap at the bundle once more flicking his tongue. He remembers. He always remembers what I like.

Beginning to close my legs from the sensation, he parts me once again lapping at my cunny fervently. Like some undying need that he can't let go. As a "punishment" for me not taking it, he inserts a finger and then a second to make me break even more than I already am.

I plead and moan, "Ony, baby, I'm leaking"

I can barely control my body now. My breath getting fainter as I breathe heavy.

"Good. You know that's what I want." He keeps pumping. Squelching ensues as he becomes infatuated with his doing. "Look at that shit. All for me huh" He asks looking at my fucked out face.

I disappointedly moan when his fingers leave me but he swipes my essence from its trail and sucks his fingers while maintaining eye contact with me. I whimper and squeeze at the sight.

I guess he wanted to finish the job though. I tried to reach over to slip my hand in his boxers just for him to grab my wrist and pin both of my hands down to finish what he started.

It's always like a switch in him when he's like this. So different from the sweet Onyankopon from everyday that everyone knows. So nasty. I love it. I miss it.

He mischievously watches me. "You feel this?" I moan as he pumps his fingers back in me. I roll my eyes to the back of my head and he chuckles. "I'm gonna take that as a yes. Let me make you cum, princess."

He lowered his head down again as he continued pumping into me. Licking a stripe up my honey and continuing the mess he was creating previously. Languid strokes of his tongue were hitting me just right and my moans started turning to desperate whimpers.

Building me up for a while, he then dipped his muscle into my pussy and interchanging with his fingers, curling them with each stroke. His other hand left my thigh and his thumb began rubbing my clit. Faster and faster he went I started to find my stomach tensing and the air becoming hard to breathe.

In between heavy pants I slip out "O, stop, I'm gonna make a mess!" my eyes rolling to the back of my head and legs lifting and coming together.

He didnt stop and pinned me down pressing on my lower stomach. My moans became octaves higher and higher. He lifted his head from my cunny, "you gon take it and make a mess all over my face. Don't hold back nothing."

With that, he continued his ministrations. My grip on his hair became as tight as it could as I could feel my voice go weak. My legs began to shake as clear liquid lightly sprayed out onto his face and a white ring began to form on his fingers. My pants were beginning to rapidly slow down as I came down from my high, un loosening the death grip I had on his head.

He came back up kissing my cheek then licking my essence off his face and fingers, "Always taste so good." Proceeding to take a rag from my bedroom to clean me up and carrying me to my bed.

Before we even got the chance to speak about what happened, my eyes fell. A nap took over both of us and hours that felt like minutes rolled by.

His arm around me as we slept on our sides felt  like old times. Like something right that I just ripped away from my body. It's so comfortable.

After a dream I couldn't remember, I wake up in a daze, looking behind me to see him knocked out and his arm still around my waist.

Gently moving it off of me, I slowly get up and walk to the bathroom.

"Shit I might as well take a shower"

To be honest, none of this has settled in my head yet. My ex boyfriend who I'm clearly not over in my bedroom after being nasty on the couch is sleeping on my bed... crazy. Real fanfiction kind of shit.

Pushing the light switch up, I notice the bulb illuminate the room. Thank the Lord almighty. I put on my shower cap and get in. I feel myself let go of a breath I didn't know I had when the hot water hits my skin.

This is insane. I shouldn't be hooking up with my ex. I cut it off for a reason... I think. It's gotta be this way for the both of us so nobody gets hurt.

"Bitchhhh" I think to myself in the shower holding my head.

Leaving the bathroom with my towel on, I see my ex looking over at me from his phone, arm now holding his head up to stare me up  and down in awe.

"It's been a while since I seen this view"

I cut my eyes and stand in front of him on my bed. "Look we need to talk- " and my head turned immediately when I heard the front door of the apartment open. Thankfully, my room doors closed, but my girls walked in the apartment gossiping when they called out my name to have our daily debrief of the day.

I cuss at myself and know they probably see the cups of water, candles, and his shoes at the door as they fell silent. Whispering to themselves with words I couldn't make out,  I eventually hear a knock at my door.

I looked at Ony, mortified with a finger to my lips, then took a deep breath, opening the door so they can only see me still in my bath robe.

"Heyyy" I greeted with the awkwardest get out and don't make this weird smile I know.

"Hey mookie, we just wanted to check on you and see if you're good with the electricity going off and everything earlier." One of them said, clearly peeking inside my bedroom to see who's here, eyes widening that it was him before he could move himself. She gave me a look and I gave her one back like we telepathic or something.

"Girl yknow I'm good, just trying to finish this paper" I say hoping she takes the message that I know she's getting from me right now.

"Yeah I'm sure it's realll hard" She said acting like a real smart ass.

With a few more exchanges they go to their rooms to settle down for the night. After hearing both of their doors close I rush back to my room.

"Yeah, you gotta go" picking up his clothes and pushing them to his chest.

"But-"

"Look, I wish there was a better time to talk, but you have to go. This... is strange. We broke up. There's a reason why this ended. I know it was probably stupid of me to let you stay here during the storm, but this wasnt my intention." Pointing at the both of us.

I picked his arm up before he could get a word out to reason with me, clothes just tussled onto his body. If he sweet talks me again I really might not double back this time.

We get to the door and with the least amount of strength he has, he turns his body towards me and gently grabs my hand before I could open the door placing it back by my side.

"Y/n...why are you letting go of us... again? This still doesn't make sense and you know that."

I still. I remember this feeling... this sense of regret. But just like last time, I can't tell if it's the wrong choice or because I don't want to let go.

In truth, Ony feels... familiar. He'll always feel like a memory and I don't want to get too comfortable in his light of nostalgia. He brought such a level of solace in my life that I never wanted to replace. It was even more so after we became official....I don't want to become stagnant because of it. I have my own dreams, my own endeavors, and my own goals that I want to reach. It would be so easy to be a trophy wife to him... and he'd gladly let me. As a woman, I don't want that to be the tell all be all of my life when I know that I had a life before him. I didn't know if I could escape from it then and I definitely don't know now. That's the real reason why I keep shutting him out and probably why we broke up... but he can't know that.

"Because I know we won't end well. We're two different people Ony and this idea that you can just up and think everything is picture perfect for us has to stop now"

He looks in my eyes with such disappointment, then slight anger as his eyebrows pushed together. He opened his mouth to speak again but thought about it and decided not to, closing his eyes in the process. With a heavy huff from his chest, he looked at my eyes one last time for the night before turning away and leaving the complex.

When I shut the door, My girls came out immediately like paparazzi.

"You were over him huh?" One of them snarled at me. "It don't seem that way to me love. Maybe you shouldn't even go to the party tomorrow."

I looked down at the ground and they both took notice of my state. We all went to my bedroom and I explained everything that happened tonight. Their eyes looked at mine with frustration and awe. I held my head knowing their reaction just like they've been telling me for the past 3 months.

"You are not over that boy y/n"

"I think you're confused"

And they're right. I am. But I tell them the same thing I told them every time.

"But when he makes it to the league, what am I going to do? Wag my tail like a dog after him and have niggas tell me that I want his money or that I don't have half his talent for anything like them bitches was saying when we were together? And what if he cheats? He gon have hella girls at his disposable and I'll be feeling stupid like  "I really wasted my time on this nigga". Y'all know how much I love Ony and I was just getting over him too. This is for the best for me right now y'all know that"

They gave each other a look and got up to hug me.

"Whatever decision you choose to make girl you know we got you. Just remember to listen to your heart sometimes"

With that, we said our little goodbyes and retired for the night. Ony on my mind, I went to bed.

Waking up, he is still on my mind. Getting my laptop, I tried to continue the paper but had no will power to do so. The whole morning and afternoon felt like that... no volition and all a blur. Wasting away in my bed after the three different times my girls checked up on me throughout the day I just can't escape him. It doesn't help having the daydream engrained of what could've been present with our past. In that same thought, I hear a buzz on my phone, too in tune with the delusional reaction thinking it could be him.

I look at it to see the ticket for the party tonight that one of my girls sent. I groan and get up, finally deciding to start my day and also prepare myself for tonight.

Hype hoochie music is playing on my speaker and I hear Looking For the Hoes again. I'm thinking of how good everything was before all that happened yesterday. Do I even regret it? Am I blocking my blessings?

I can't let a man distract me from my life though. There's a life before and after him and I have to remind myself of that.

Finally finished with my look and it finally being an hour after the party started, me and my girls head out for the wild night we been planning for months.

What I didn't know was that the line would feel like 3 miles long and realizing we need our ID when we're finally 5 feet before the security. Why are parties this complicated? I don't know. But luckily we all at least have pictures of our ID and got in.

When we step foot into the party, the first thing we see is purple lights illuminating the entire venue. People are scattered everywhere and in every other corner we see the Ques barking and hopping to their stroll.

"Lawd have mercy" one of my homegirls say in love with the ques. Me and the other laugh and roll our eyes.

After some time just standing, we decided to find a small table and sit down with our small get ups. Our drinks from the pregame were starting to kick in after 10 minutes and we were laughing our ass off drunk when we hear "Girl the way you move it got me in a trance-", and that was it. All of us pulled each other to the dance floor and start to turn up. I'm throwing ass on my home girl and catching from the other.

I needed this. Seriously. I forgot how fun it is to be outside in the streets. Seconds later, we hear a scream and laugh from a girl and gasp from the crowd. One of the Ques picked up a girl and started acting like he was eating her out.

We all looked at each other with our jaws dropped. Ain't no wayyyyy. They were not lying bout it getting wild.

Right behind where I see the spotlight shining, about 30 feet away, I saw a face I didn't think I'd see at all. Just as his eyes set in on the scene before him he also saw my eyes and we made eye contact for a brief second.

I turned my body so fast that I almost knocked my home girl over. In the middle of her fussing me out she asked what happened. Naturally, I told her that Ony is at the party.

"Why is a nigga at a Que party is the real question though?"

"Girl unimportant can we please move somewhere else"

We all move to a separate section of the party venue. This can not happen. I'm drunk and I been dancing? I can not see or be around that man right now.

Before I could even get the nightmare out my head, I hear a "Y/n" near my head. I turn around mouth slightly agape to see him once again. Even finer in his put together party get up than his athlete clothes from yesterday. My mind all caught up in him just like last time I'm in a blur of what he's actually saying to me.

"Y/n, why are you here right now?" He whispers yells in my ear from the loud music blasting from the speakers.

I look to my left and right and my homegirls dashed off like the road runner... traitors.

Looking at him once again, eyes low from the drink in my system I ask, "Ony, why would it matter to you? I'm not your girl and you not my man. We single. The real question is why you're at a Que party." Remembering what my homegirl had said to bite back at him.

He fixes his face, his tongue poking at the inside of his cheek looking at me clearly frustrated. Just looking at his face he can't leave me alone. Sorry that's just drunk me talking I don't know whats on his mind.

"Y/n, why the hell you been drinking so much? Don't you got a paper to finish?"

"Ony you are not my daddy get up out my face!" I yell at him. "I'm out here having fun with my girls trying to get over YOUR ASS so why can't you just mind yo business!" Oops. My eyes widened, that last part wasn't supposed to come out. Fuck.

Shit, how did he react to that?

Without time for me to look up and see his face or even hear him utter a word, he has my hand in his and leading me somewhere and fast. I'm trying to keep up but it's kind of hard to have good foot and direction coordination in a party like this and off my ass.

With all of the movement feeling like a blur, I found both of us outside of the party venue from some back door. It's slightly raining by the building and the night sky showed a bright orange street light that was our only light source.

He takes off his jacket and puts it over my shoulders to warm me. It's a bit cold. What a gentleman.

"Y/n ... what did you say?"

He stares directly in my eyes with a sense of fervency and hope. One that I can't deny now.

Part 2?

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Authors Note: Hi y'all! I haven’t written fanfic in soooo long but never stopped reading lmao. I loveeee this one so much. It’s Literally the best fic ive done period thus far. I’m trying to think if I should start writing again fr esp for my fictional anime men.

[fandump114]

For me the pill didn't work because of endometriosis fuckery (already had too much estrogen) BUT it did stop my period and when I switched to an IUD that also stopped my period for a few years. ( Long story)

If the pill works, I am so incredibly happy for you, but If you have endometriosis like me, it might not work out in the long run and that's okay! There's other options!

Also for non-medication treatment, heating pack, electrolytes (like Gatorade) and a movie do wonders.

FUCK YEAH I CAN DO POLLS

Okay

For those who get periods, which is the most effective way to stop cramps? (For you personally, not via google)

Please reblog if you vote, I need a decent sample size

Thx

[sugarushwriting]

being besties with lee minho (lee know) and park sunghoon.

nsfw under the cut

reblog, like and share!

do not repost or translate please.

quick not proof read drabble because these two men give me the same vibes:

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡

lee know was your hometown best friend. you grew up together, had your firsts together, and when you both went separate routes for college, you both never forgotten one another.

in college you met park sunghoon. popular, quiet guy on campus. friends with jake sim who you had a few classes with and became close friends with.

soon you became close friends with sunghoon too.

close enough friends that you’ve seen each other naked.

sunghoon loved to put his vampire fangs to use. more times than none, you’ve had to buy extra concealer to hide the hickies he would leave on your skin. your neck, chest, thighs, anywhere he could get his mouth on.

he also loved to bite your pussy and clit while he ate you out.

always giving a satisfied hum when you squealed in surprise because you never knew when it would happen.

sunghoon also constantly left you worn out with his stamina. you could go for 2 or 3 rounds, as he could double that, go for hours, all while edging you and himself.

“sunghoon i’m visiting family tomorrow.” you moaned out as he sucked your skin.

“hiding me from anyone?” he teased.

you knew lee know would be upset to see you marked up from another guy. “no, but i don’t want my mom—hey!”

he distracted you by giving no warning when his thick cock entered you.

“then i need to let your family know how good i take care of their daughter.”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

you’ve been home for 10 minutes, and lee know is aware something isn’t right. you were wearing caked up concealer on your neck, and although it was feeling a bit warm out, you had on jean pants and a t-shirt.

he knew you lived in short skirts and cropped tops.

unless you were hiding something or having a comfy day at home.

like hickies or being on your period.

he knew it wasn’t your period because you weren’t doubling over in pain from cramping.

it had to be hickies because he loved to leave them on you and have you fuss at him later about it.

later that night, freshly showered you squealed seeing lee know sat comfortably on your bed.

your towel hid your body, the marks on them, but not the marks on your neck.

“wait, lee know—,”

you couldn’t even finish the sentence as he stalked towards you like he was hunting his prey and threw you on your bed, quickly unwrapping the towel, and slid down his pants and boxers.

his eyes never leaving yours. and his eyes screamed danger. something your pussy fluttered at.

he spat once on your pussy, and in no time, no warning, his length entered you his hand to your mouth to quiet you.

fuck he was angry.

you two weren’t exclusive, and neither were you or sunghoon. but both men were possessive.

possessive over you.

he looked disgusted at the marks left by another guy. “tsk kitten, looks like i need to remind you who you belong to.”

lee know gave no mercy with his thrusts, his poundings, your pussy getting wet every second, with every thrust. your wetness was dripping onto the towel beneath you and sure getting on lee know’s thighs.

“so wet for me.” lee know’s finger went to circle your clit and your orgasm came in no time.

with a loud moan suppressed by lee know’s tongue down your throat, you almost started crying because of how good he felt.

he didn’t come yet. you knew this was no where near over. you knew you would come intensely more than 3 times minimum, with some squirting here and there.

“kitten when im done with you, you’ll regret coming home to me being marked up by some other guy. you’ll be reminded who’s cock you go dumb for.”

shit, it was gonna be a long night. lee know had stamina as well, even just a tad more than sunghoon. and lee know was alot more willing to punish you and deprive you of orgasms.

“i’m sorry,” you sighed softly

“you’re not sorry yet. but you will be, kitten.”

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ₊˚⊹♡

[meowierz]

use me as an example when someone says "periods aren't that serious"

TRIGGER WARNING FOR BLOOD, DEATH, ETC!!

My panties is an entire crime scene. Vampires are disgusted. Mosquitos are disgusted. Deranged serial killers are disgusted. Every time I wipe I am in risk of clogging my toilet. Speaking of the toilet, every time I go there I can't get up for hours because of the pain. Well get to that later. I have bleed through panties, they are now called "period panties" and I only wear them during my period because the stains won't come out. And that's on dark panties.

I have recently started passing out from the pain, for 3-5 hours. I have drunken so much medicine that I've run out and have to do pills. I'm in so much pain, I can barely eat or get off the toilet. Moving makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. Thankfully I never had but the feeling itself already makes me want to cry. There have been days that I have gone home from school early and I have extremely strict parents (mainly when it comes to school).

My whole body changes for some reason. My tits hurt like shit, to the point where I don't want to wear a bra but my dads in the house so I have to. I'm sweating more often, which is weird because I'm not moving at all. I'm either extremely hungry or not hungry at all. Everything feels extremely heavy.

I still have to do things around the house. Take care of my cats, myself, sometimes my mom, doing dishes, making my bed, laundry, and other cleaning. Thankfully, my mom usually does most of it but sometimes my attitude (that I don't even notice) stops her from that and it makes the pain even worse.

I still have way more years of this, unless I have a child but that is an even more painful and scary process. I have to go until I'm 40 until this shit ends. How am I going to go to college in the future? Work? Take care of kids? Hell, even go to school in a couple of weeks. Because my period hasn't always been this bad but ever since last year its just been getting worse and worse. Ever time I come on I genuinely feel like it's my last day on Earth and niggas have the audacity to say "its not that deep" Crazy because when I gave my dad a simple bear hug, he was curled up on the couch. He works out by the way, mainly does arm and STOMACH exercises. BTW, yes im black. I can say that word. I'm

ANYWAYS IM GONNA BA K TO BRUNG SILKY 😼

[fulgurbugs]

sorry this is gonna be a tmi and gross period post but idk what to do anymore so i’m gonna vent online

ok so my periods are famously inconsistent and unpredictable. most recently what ended up happening was i missed mine for like, months before it came back with a vengeance and i had one that lasted over a month long. this one was also extremely heavy towards the end, as well as like. idk how to describe this. very fleshy. chunky. however there were no cramps or pain associated with it, mostly just i was spending a fortune on pads and tampons (i had to double up to be safe) while this was ongoing i attempted to look for a gyno in my area, but i would only be able to get an appointment after i moved back to college with at minimum a few weeks wait. so i ended up not making an appointment because it was starting to wind down and i ended up getting super busy with school starting again. i still brought it up to my doctor before this and eventually had an appointment where i managed to sneak in on a weekend i could come home with my gp where she prescribed pill birth control which i started taking as directed not very long ago. but, a few days after i started taking it my period started again, extremely heavy, and this time, painful. it’s been about 4 days of extremely heavy blood flow and cramps, and i haven’t been able to focus on my school at all or go anywhere, i just want to lie in bed and rot. im bleeding through supers in under an hour, and i don’t know what to do. i’ve contacted my doctor and should hopefully hear back from her in a few days. but i’m so scared that something more is wrong or that this one will also last over a month like the last one.

do any other accursed uterus havers have a similar experience and any idea what’s wrong with me? or what i should do? if this one goes over a week i’m going to seek more urgent medical attention. i’ve heard suggested from people i know that it could potentially be endometriosis or a cyst so if anyone whos following me has some firsthand experience please let me know, im having a really rough time right now. sorry for the tmi and all but im so extremely uncomfortable and losing my mind and need help

[tryinggggggggg]

OMAD!!!/period rant :(

i finished my college induction and started my period on the same day im in so much pain rn i considered laying on the train tracks otw home

planned to but im not fasting for obviously reasons

even when i was bmi 15/14 i still had my period i just want to lose it already

sick of pmdd pain and puke every month!!!!!! :<

bmi 13 be my saviour >_<

[hwsforeignrelations]

As a hobby sketchbooker, its a favorite pasttime to go chronologically through old sketchbooks and note improvement. Im gonna supplement the rant below with old art, cuz its relevant and i think they're neat

I accidentally deleted my old tumblr like five months ago which held a similar sentiment (*SOB* but no use crying over split milk)

I see a lot of fan artists getting burnt out. I see a lot of Hetalia artists stay for a bit, then leave for other fandoms (higher pastures, if u will). I use to not understand. How did people become bored so fast?!?!

Ive never been one to switch interests quickly. I was solidly leg deep in my superhero phase 5-8th grade. I started reading exclusively usuk fanfics in 8th grade, and have hardly ventured beyond usuk.

I'm trying to branch out more.

Hetalia is unique in its ability to teach crash course history and have enemy soldiers devouring each others cocks in the same paragraph. Double win!! The concept of international relations translated to human ones, of a nations pain having physical embodiment, of fantastically diverse headcanons dissecting the intrigues of Nation biology... Its all very yummy thinking food

Ive never read the manga, ive hardly watched the show. Im fandom built thru and thru!

Like the pic above, I use usuk as experiments to run all my ideas thru. Mix media,

World building, swatching, expressions and unfamiliar subjects. Theyre my go-to! since I started taking art seriously in 2021 and those events were mainly usuk themed

my styles always changing, and I'm usually using America and England to do it

Combined with writing and a poor conceptual understanding of base material (aka CANON) i have trouble knowing WHO alfred and england are, in my style. They're constantly changing designs make it hard for my writing to capture their characters consistently.

I get so fixated on solving my own inconsistent characterization writing. Its stupid! Im going to college across the country in ten days, for Christ's sake!

Its no use getting worked up over an inconsistent style- this IS the period of constant change, of constant growth and its great fun processing new interests through art, through two characters i am familiar with (even if i somehow don't know them at all)

Ive been reading stories about the royal navy: so i practice some made up naval uniform on england! That's just an example - i really do process new information through them, finding fun in research

Once i couldn't stop thinking about the scene below, about the intrigue of gore (a genre id never taken an interest to). And i was cringing about doing it to myself (about how ouchi it would be), but like all my creative ideas j filter them through characters - it feels safer that way. Then drawing myself in there. Yuck.

So i practice the idea in Alfred. "Oh ouch yup- looks just as gross and painful and I'd imagined. Perfect!!" Now ive got an Alfred doing this gross thing, now i have a headcanon about nations cleaning their tongues witn razors.

Now i wanna write about it. Haha its all a very self-feeding pattern.

Not sure if this rant makes much sense, but basically i STRUGGLE to establish characters. Partially because i play so much with them in my doodles with anything and everything i find interesting - perhaps it makes too many factors for one character.

[lovegal]

Sarah in the past: I was just a lonely woman who got their period I'm crying siting in my own house getting evicted and crying like a lonely 4 year old cry baby and still get even more attention *scoffs* hah what a stupid disgusting moron I am Im getting a period pain but I'm having a lot of problems with it I lost my job I lost my home I lost the love of my life and I'm getting evicted all because of my period *whimpers* the bullies at my school in my childhood was right I'm not getting some attention I'm just a 21 year college transgender person that was sent *cry's* everything is...is hell...*sniff* I can't wait....*sniffs* until this nightmare...is...over

*Sarah a 21 year old transgender college student was having period pains and period problems everyday Sarah can take it anymore so Sarah decided to drive their car and "accidentally crash it to a hotel years pass and Sarah was come to life by God*

The next pic/picture has Sarah new form that means Sarah is a Christmas humanoid Christmases Eve and was sent to holiday world Sarah could remember the past

but started to quit it

Sarah was always having a sweet time at Holiday World.

Sarah has finally gone to peace but met a woman named "Alice" Alice pretend to love or like Sarah Sarah was so heartbroken that Sarah and Alice was having a argument about the past Alice said Alice wants to break up with Sarah because of their past.

Sarah and Alice was a cute couple In Holiday World but Alice cheated on Sarah Sarah though their might be happy but started having a metal Breakdown and started to have the same personality in the past.

😢😭🟦Ⓜ️🌊☄️🇳🇮🇰🇿👥👤👮👮‍♀️👮‍♂️💠📘😱🧞🧞‍♂️🧢🧥🥶🔷🔵🩸♦️🟥♨️♨️🦞🌶️❣️❗🌹🍎🍒🎀💋🔴💢👹💃💄👹🚩🚨😡🔺🔻🖍️

(this page will edited soon...)

[kinipoyo]

04.12.23

i'm sorry for not writing anything for yesterday !! i had a very lazy day and nothing happened so </3

today was truly a mess LOL first of all, i was going to wear a nice outfit today but then i looked out of my window to see rain...so i decided to wear a just a jumper and jeans and i leave the house. im speed-walking to the bus stop until i look at the time my bus is coming. IT WAS COMING IN 2 MINUTES...the way i dashed to the bus stop. i made it earlier than the bus and this was an early bus as well so i got excited. i get my digital bus ticket out on my phone and scan it. I HEAR SOME DEMONIC BEEP. DECLINED. i look down, IT WAS EXPIRED. i didn't walk, i basically RAN out of the bus and started texting my mum for bus ticket money. i just accepted my fate and let the bus drive away and then i waited for the next one that was in 20 minutes in the rain...

the bus came and my second bus was earlier than usual so that was good !! my friend went on the bus as well so i wasn't lonely :) we did our homework together until class started. i packed all of my stuff and speed-walked to our film class.

until, just before i arrived, i got my period...i had to leave all of my stuff in the class and i went to get the free period products that my college gives out and then to the bathroom. i went back to my class and just sat there in immense pain, doing nothing until around 20 minutes of my lesson was left. i asked if i could go to the medical room. she let me so i went to reception to ask the same thing. the woman there told me they can't really do anything except for send me home so i was like, okay sure send me home.

she told me to go get my stuff so i did. i return and i see my friend who was late to our film lessons by 1 hour and 10 minutes...WITHOUT THIS STUDENT ID...we talked for a bit and then i left to catch the bus. i had to wait like...13 minutes ??? overall not bad but when your cramps are killing you then it feels a bit long...the bus arrives...EXCEPT ITS NOT A BUS, BUT A MINIBUS. A MINIVAN. it smelled really bad in there as well...oh well, the journey itself wasn't that bad but then after i went to get my next bus, I NEARLY GET RAN OVER BY A BUS ??? AND I MISSED MY BUS THAT WAS ALREADY STANDING THERE...

i had to wait like 15 minutes for the next one to arrive </3 BUT IT'S OKAY THE BUS ARRIVED EVENTUALLY AND I GOT HOME SAFE. i was pretty much bedridden for the rest of the day so nothing really happened, sorry :P

but oh well, until next time,

have a nice day,

logging off - niki ♡

[batemanofficial]

standard time-fueled sappiness under the cut womp womp

i hate transitory periods because they make me so SAD!!!! this one especially that i'm in rn is causing me to have to fight back tears if i think about it for too long!! i spent much of my undergraduate years in the throes of mental illness and constantly ebbing back and forth between passive and active suicidality whilst trying and failing to deal with my psychosis symptoms so i don't feel like i really got to appreciate college until i got medicated, which was like. this past summer.

but now that i'm at a place where i can manage my symptoms i'm seeing just how much of the quote-unquote "college experience" i missed out on and how fun it really is. i've made more friends in college over the past year than i did in the whole three years prior, and being able to navigate friendships without feeling like i have to wrench myself out of them before they realize i'm wacko is simultaneously really freeing and infuriating because i missed out on soooooo much of that!! and all because i was like one bad hour away from shuffling off this mortal coil for like 8 years straight !! i spent every waking moment from the age of fourteen until june of 2023 loathing myself with every fiber of my being and now that i don't want to die anymore i'm just kind of lamenting the friendships and the happiness i didn't feel like i deserved in that time and it SUCKS

and that said i love the friends i've made since the start of my recovery more than they could ever know, and on the off chance that rae is reading this i need you to know you saved my life more times than than either of us can count. and just these past few months with jessie + company has shown me that college doesn't have to be jaime's misery jamboree all the time and i am so so so so grateful. i mean it.

but now that it's all coming to an end i'm just!! sad!! i never thought i'd miss college bc i spent like 80% of it wallowing and languishing and torturing myself, but im going to miss this city and the connections i've made with it so so so so much. i love chicago with all my heart i really do. it can be a weird and frustrating place to live in, but it will always be a part of me and i think i'll always call it home to some degree. i feel like i grew up here - i went from a sheltered kid with no ability to navigate by herself to a (mostly) functional adult here, and i have the city to thank. it feels like moving away from a parent in a way; i love my own parents but i feel like the city has shown me so much more than they ever could, as stupid and knockoff-sondheim-musical as that sounds.

i know if i don't go through with my plans to move abroad i'll regret it, but it doesn't make saying goodbye to this part of my life any less painful. being here and growing up over the past few months has taught me that i am a part of something really special, and for the first time in a really, really long time i know i don't want to die and remove myself from it all. i genuinely didn't think i'd have hope for the future ever again, but i never realized how much of just this depth of feeling i was missing out on. anyway. i love my friends and i love my city and i don't want to say goodbye to either of them!!!

[girljeremystrong]

hi I think I may have to kill myself I'm in college but during my second year I got so depressed I failed like half my classes of that semester and now it may take me longer to graduate because my uni won't let me retake the classes regularly. I fucked up my life and it wasn't even on purpose I was just depressed out of my mind like my brain was in a black hole. my friends graduate soon and they'll go abroad for their masters (which was what I'd planned as well) and I'll be alone. Im genuinely sitting here thinking about ending it, not even in a sad way but just logically it makes sense to end it. I'm sorry for dumping this here but I felt like you'd understand as a fellow depressed university girl studying something she doesn't like

babe oh my god no it doesn't make sense to end it all it is absolutely not what you should do

yes i understand perfectly what you're saying! i am in my 18238 year of university because of how i've been depressed and unable to keep up with my classes and exams and every single friend i had made in university has now graduated and i don't even know what they're up to anymore

and obviously i hate it and i definitely haven't gotten over it and i joke a lot about killing myself because but i won't do it because i know i shouldn't!!!

THINGS WILL GET BETTER FOR YOU it might take some time but you will find your way. university is so difficult and complicated and i know it's so hard when it seems like everyone is just breezing through it but i can absolutely assure you that you're not alone and that lots and lots of people everywhere feel exactly like you do! i know i do for sure!!!

you're not alone and you're welcome to vent to me whenever you want and please know your feelings about this are absolutely shared by so many other depressed uni students but also and i'm begging you do not think this is a reason to end it all your life is just starting and you have so much time to finish university and in time this messy time period will make sense too!!!

please reach out to the people in your life and talk to them and consider talking to a specialist like i know having therapy has helped me a lot with understanding why this has happened to me but also realizing that it will all be okay in the end even if it doesn't feel like it

everyone is rooting for you this i can promise you and i love you and i want you to be patient and then one day be able to enjoy the wonderful peaceful life you will be able to build for yourself

PLEASE do not think that killing yourself is the answer because it is not. believe me i know it is so painful but you have to push through and everything will be okay i promise you

[sanguinewolves]

i do feel like svhool is kinda just. pushing too hard rn. we get 3 days for winter break this year, excluding the weekend (so 5 total). (kinda sucky too bc we get christmas off but the chanukah and kwanzaa kids are sol) and just like. idk. theres just rampant sexism ableism queerphobia racism etc. and there s just something so draining about going to school with ppl who literally think you should not exist and you have to just ignore them and act like everything is normal. and its so surreal and fucky. and. idk maybe its just me but it seems way worse this year? like maybe its specific ppl in my classes are worse than last year or im just noticing it mor e or sth but it genuinely feels like im watching all these kids fall down the alt-right rabbit hole in real time and it is so. fucking. disturbing. and if you say anything youre the bad guy. some teachers will be constantly sexist and misgender the trans students and you cant even say anything and youre just sitting there thinking if i do come out before college school is going to be even more of a fucking cesspit of pain than it already is. and who knows if i can go to prom w my friend this year because some years juniors can go some they cant and it seems completely fucking random which it is because god forbid the idiots in charge actually make one fucking decision more than a day in advance ever. and theres all this stress and the school is completely fucking disorganized they cant seem to get the bells within 5 minutes for when theyre supposed to ring and they use random noises (not an exaggeration. there are 3 different bell sounds and they swap around which ones they play which period seemingly at random) and they have about half of us locked out of schooltool, some even their school email, because of a “system error” thats been going on for almost TWO YEARS now and the current bell “”””schedule”””” we use is literally a different one from when we started the year bc they changed it randomly 3 days into the year literally did not even warn the teachers and everyones always on their phones in class watching tiktok fucking OUT LOUD and all the teachers are obsessed w group work because then they can pawn the idiots off on the “smart kids” instead of doing their actual job and i have daily homework to do and NOBODY FOLLOWS MY 504 like LITERALLY NOBODY and i dont understand how not a single person notices how weirdly horrible everything is?

[cat-chronic-but-iconic]

My thoughts on how family and previous Doctors have caused imposter syndrome.

a slight Vent on my life

For me having a Dr, that actually listens, being away from my family long term for the first time is interesting and, It's kicking on the imposter syndrome.

My family tends to be very dismissive of medical stuff mostly due to having a nurse, and a physicians assistant in the family so we would always go to them for stuff (Strep throat go to your aunt get the antibiotics), that kind of stuff. When my chronic pain first started showing up in middle school, I was complaining one day and my dad had just had surgery on a torn meniscus. He then hits me with the "I promise my pain is worse." Which is probably true, but I didn't talk about pain for years... and I'm regretting that now.

Not that it would have had much of an effect as my pediatrician is pretty dismissive of things. My joints click, the dr sent me for an X-ray and since that was fine, I was fine. It took me 4 years to get a referral to a geneticist to get diagnosed.

Now I'm off in college. Out of my home state, with a new doctor, she listens to me and I respect her opinions. And away from my family.

I love them, I really do. Just there's 5 kids in my family, and my little brother has Down Syndrome, so it's quite busy and chaotic. I don't have time to think, or really have my mom's undivided attention.

So being at school has given me time to think, and I've started noticing more and more things.

And here's where the imposter syndrome kicks in.

I have a new dr and I feel like every time I go, it's something different, I go in for my pain to find a relief, bad period cramps, heart palpitations. And she always takes me seriously.

Sure there's things we don't agree on, namely needing crutches. But im being taken seriously.

I also feel that my mental health is crumbling a bit, and I have dysgraphia. I also feel there is a decent chance that I have ADHD, autism, or Both. I think I stopped trying as hard to be 'normal' or masking. In my own place.

I want mobility aids to help me though life, to reduce pain, and let me live. I think a service dog could really help with things, but with all of these revelations happing within a single semester, my brain is not doing great, and tells me I'm faking and it's just really exhausting.

[adagaium]

ok haha wow im ready to cry im going to talk about the crucifixion (with like 2 references)

hey let’s start off with just uh how did this happen. from what we get in game, ardyn was once a healer meant to be the founder king. his method of healing is basically the oracle method. he takes the scourge into his body and saves countless people. when he goes to the crystal, he’s rejected because his soul is tainted. somnus becomes the founder king and it is said that ardyn survives being killed. 

there is also canon artwork that has an eerie resemblance to uh paintings of the crucifixion of jesus christ [1], so that’s how i came to the conclusion that his death was by crucifixion. 

crucifixion is REALLY FUCKING AWFUL and here’s why:

how does a person die? here’s a thing from the guardian.

“’[s]uffocation, loss of body fluids and multiple organ failure. [...] [t]he weight of the body pulling down on the arms makes breathing extremely difficult,' says Jeremy Ward, a physiologist at King's College London. [i]n addition, the heart and lungs would stop working as blood drained through wounds”. 

“[s]omeone nailed to a crucifix with their arms stretched out on either side could expect to live for no more than 24 hours. [s]even-inch nails would be driven through the wrists so that the bones there could support the body's weight. [t]he nail would sever the median nerve, which not only caused immense pain but would have paralysed the victim's hands” [2].

so of course, ardyn is immortal due to the scourge, but he probably died for at least a short period of time, enough for his body to be dumped in angelgard. as cruel as it is, the whole issue of 2000 years could’ve been avoided if his body was left there. while there would be the eerie fact that the body never seemed to change or rot, he would’ve been in a position where the lack of oxygen would basically act as a sedative, keeping him in some sort of stasis.

of course, this would’ve been very hard to maintain, especially since no one knew at the time that he was immortal. the weight of his body would inevitably cause his body to fall, that’s 174 lbs up on a cross, gravity kicks in, that’s part of how people died. 

ok you probably think this is bad, well uh it gets worse. while the usual procedure is driving seven inch nails through the wrists or palms according to paintings, this is final fantasy and the astrals just made ardyn suffer. his body was pinned there by swords from guess what jazzhands the armiger, possibly his own turned against him or somnus’, either way it was a huge betrayal and he never forgot the agony of the betrayal. 

once the people believed him to be dead, his body was taken down and brought to angelgard where his body was laid to rest in a mausoleum. the healing process of his body took a good century, leaving the scars on his hands that he keeps covered with the gloves. on that note, while his body is capable of survival and healing, that means the injuries become scars, not that they disappear, so his whole body is just a traumatizing map of everything he’s suffered and he hates literally everything and wants vengeance on all of existence. 

thanks for coming to my tedtalk

citations

Jha, A. (2004, April 08). How did crucifixion kill? Retrieved May 4, 2018, from https://www.theguardian.com/science/2004/apr/08/thisweekssciencequestions

Langetti, G. B. (1670). Mary Magdalene at the Foot of the Cross[Painting]. Santa Teresa, Venice, Italy.

[wayupstairs]

destined (to fade)

a piece of lyrics composed by the band midwest indo 'eleventwelfth' combined with the pic that archived from 2021. #shotonphone gt kan kalo kata2 anak insta jadul?

I think this is another year of ruin for me, although it cannot be denied, 4 years of college was a messy period in my life. Tp tahun ini, ancur pemirsa.

I never knew, leaving someone behind would be that painful. But from being abandoned, I am not afraid of being abandoned by anyone in the world.

I slowly released the pain by saying, "it's okay, you've been willing to accept it from the start." But it turns out it's not that easy to face the next abandonment.

It turns out that the pain of being left behind is rooted in making me the person I am today. This isn't good, but I'm getting used to keeping things quiet, finishing things without me having to know the closure of a matter, because in my opinion no closure is a closure. In fact, the bad impact of that incident is now. When I feel inadequate and unworthy, I will blame that person for all the bad prejudices I face about myself. Sadly, no one knows and I have to live this darkness alone.

As the years go by, I hope I change slowly. Even though it's still messy. Even though I always feel like I don't deserve anything nor anyone. Even though I always afraid. Even though I always think about whose fault the life I live is. Even though I always have to go through this storm and darkness alone. I always pray that this progresses. Because, small progress is still a progress right?

Maybe this is the fate that I have to go through, the pain that I have to feel which one day over time will be fade. I didn't wrote this with a regret. Just for a little reflection on my self. That doesn't mean that Im too problematic lol. but yeah, maybe it could be? hahah, whatever, you're free.

So.

Will it hurt?

Awhile I stay 'til my deepest slumber

Infinitely initiates my downfall

A frazzling mind has led me to the stage when the tick of my clock breaks

Imperceptibly destinied to fade