#my chest causes me the worst dysphoria I'm so scared
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Despite everything, nothing in the last 2 weeks has caused me more anxiety than missing a phone call from my doctor (who's bad at keeping up with communication, takes DAYS to respond to messages or requests for calls back) because I dared to take a nap, and knowing that every second we're not in active communication is wasted time that needed instead to be carefully utilized or else I will never be able to get top surgery
#I was supposed to hear back within 48 hours and she waited over a WEEK so I wasn't expecting it#now I'm terrified because it feels like they're dragging their feet and making it difficult#if I can work with insurance to get approved before it gets banned I can still get it and have it covered#but I won't be able to at this point because the only surgeon in the state that takes my insurance (that I know) has a months long wait lis#and that's just for a consultation#and insurance approves the consult and the surgery separately#I was doing so much better but the idea that I'm going to be trapped in this body forever is dragging me back to the mental state I was in#before I fled my parents' house and started HRT#my chest causes me the worst dysphoria I'm so scared#even if rights for GAC get reinstated it'll be at the bottom of the to-do list so I'll be over 30 by the time I get another opportunity#if I ever do. I can't waste my life like that. I just want to be happy and comfortable and not dysphoric and fearful and suicidal#I feel so trapped
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He laid there silently
open rp
you walk into the Apollo cabin to see Em writing something while blasting music in her headphones so loud you can hear it
tags👇
@demigod-jack-hearth
@of-course-im-the-winner
@the-smart-and-the-dumb-one
@lisadaughter-of-hepheastus
@ariathemortal
@smileyalater
@reyna4ever
#<- genderfluid struggles? I get that#<- real I thought I went cis for a minute had an anxiety attack or 12 and now I’m male again WHAT😭😭😭#<- REAL I WAS IN BALLET ONCE AND I WAS IN A LEOTARD SO U COULD SEE MY CHEST AND THE WORST DYSPHORIA I HAVE EVER FELT WASHED OVER ME#Sleep rn because I can’t close my door so I can’t change so I can’t take the fucking binder off but and the same Time I don’t ever wanna#Take it off cause of my euphoria rn but I need to sleep cause I might have my ELA exam tomorrow but idk cause school been off for 6 days#<- OMGS so one day I accidentally got a binder (I still don’t know how) and I’m wearing rn DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF WHAAAAA but I also can’t#sorry for the rant#<-it's ok! I want a binder so bad ngl#Should I wear it to school tomorrow if I’m still masc#I’m scared though cause I’ve never been masc at school this year and I’m like a different person when I’m masc vs when I’m fem#<- mine technically isn’t a binder but it works so well it might as well be#AHHHHH#<- if you want to do it#Others do not#I'm debating telling ppl who gave me gender envy#<- same for me lol#Some people know#I was walking to my bus after school and this random ass kid starts screaming at me but then he said “WAIT ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL” and#Oh my gods it was amazing especially since I was just sad about how that never happens to me#<- It was white lie day at my school and my lie was that I was just a girl#Oh if my school does that it better be a Monday so I can see two of the most supportive teachers on campus#<- IM STEALING THAT#<- AHHHHH#<- STEAL AWAY :3#I live in Florida so the hurricane gave us no school for a week and I go back tomorrow#i gotta be a human tomorrow 😭😭#<- rip we've got a long weekend here#So I go back tmmrw and I have to do gym first#Sobs#<- I fucking hate gym I’ve opted out every year cause I found out they only count gym if you do it in like your junior year or something id
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it crawled up the bedpost and sat at the top
open rp
you walk into the Apollo cabin to see Em writing something while blasting music in her headphones so loud you can hear it
tags👇
@demigod-jack-hearth
@of-course-im-the-winner
@the-smart-and-the-dumb-one
@lisadaughter-of-hepheastus
@ariathemortal
@smileyalater
@reyna4ever
#<- genderfluid struggles? I get that#<- real I thought I went cis for a minute had an anxiety attack or 12 and now I’m male again WHAT😭😭😭#<- REAL I WAS IN BALLET ONCE AND I WAS IN A LEOTARD SO U COULD SEE MY CHEST AND THE WORST DYSPHORIA I HAVE EVER FELT WASHED OVER ME#Sleep rn because I can’t close my door so I can’t change so I can’t take the fucking binder off but and the same Time I don’t ever wanna#Take it off cause of my euphoria rn but I need to sleep cause I might have my ELA exam tomorrow but idk cause school been off for 6 days#<- OMGS so one day I accidentally got a binder (I still don’t know how) and I’m wearing rn DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF WHAAAAA but I also can’t#sorry for the rant#<-it's ok! I want a binder so bad ngl#Should I wear it to school tomorrow if I’m still masc#I’m scared though cause I’ve never been masc at school this year and I’m like a different person when I’m masc vs when I’m fem#<- mine technically isn’t a binder but it works so well it might as well be#AHHHHH#<- if you want to do it#I'm debating telling ppl who gave me gender envy#Others do not#<- same for me lol#Some people know#I was walking to my bus after school and this random ass kid starts screaming at me but then he said “WAIT ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL” and#Oh my gods it was amazing especially since I was just sad about how that never happens to me#<- It was white lie day at my school and my lie was that I was just a girl#Oh if my school does that it better be a Monday so I can see two of the most supportive teachers on campus#<- IM STEALING THAT#<- STEAL AWAY :3#<- AHHHHH#i gotta be a human tomorrow 😭😭#I live in Florida so the hurricane gave us no school for a week and I go back tomorrow#<- rip we've got a long weekend here#So I go back tmmrw and I have to do gym first#Sobs#<- I fucking hate gym I’ve opted out every year cause I found out they only count gym if you do it in like your junior year or something id
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After about 3 hours he woke up
(oh okay I’m the weird one then… I think I’m just a toddler at heart that’s why)
open rp
you walk into the Apollo cabin to see Em writing something while blasting music in her headphones so loud you can hear it
tags👇
@demigod-jack-hearth
@of-course-im-the-winner
@the-smart-and-the-dumb-one
@lisadaughter-of-hepheastus
@ariathemortal
@smileyalater
@reyna4ever
#<- genderfluid struggles? I get that#<- real I thought I went cis for a minute had an anxiety attack or 12 and now I’m male again WHAT😭😭😭#<- REAL I WAS IN BALLET ONCE AND I WAS IN A LEOTARD SO U COULD SEE MY CHEST AND THE WORST DYSPHORIA I HAVE EVER FELT WASHED OVER ME#Sleep rn because I can’t close my door so I can’t change so I can’t take the fucking binder off but and the same Time I don’t ever wanna#<- OMGS so one day I accidentally got a binder (I still don’t know how) and I’m wearing rn DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF WHAAAAA but I also can’t#Take it off cause of my euphoria rn but I need to sleep cause I might have my ELA exam tomorrow but idk cause school been off for 6 days#sorry for the rant#<-it's ok! I want a binder so bad ngl#Should I wear it to school tomorrow if I’m still masc#<- mine technically isn’t a binder but it works so well it might as well be#I’m scared though cause I’ve never been masc at school this year and I’m like a different person when I’m masc vs when I’m fem#AHHHHH#<- if you want to do it#I'm debating telling ppl who gave me gender envy#Some people know#Others do not#<- same for me lol#I was walking to my bus after school and this random ass kid starts screaming at me but then he said “WAIT ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL” and#Oh my gods it was amazing especially since I was just sad about how that never happens to me#<- It was white lie day at my school and my lie was that I was just a girl#Oh if my school does that it better be a Monday so I can see two of the most supportive teachers on campus#<- IM STEALING THAT#<- STEAL AWAY :3#<- AHHHHH#i gotta be a human tomorrow 😭😭#I live in Florida so the hurricane gave us no school for a week and I go back tomorrow#<- rip we've got a long weekend here#So I go back tmmrw and I have to do gym first#Sobs#<- I fucking hate gym I’ve opted out every year cause I found out they only count gym if you do it in like your junior year or something id
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the thing flicked it's ears
(idk I don't do that)
open rp
you walk into the Apollo cabin to see Em writing something while blasting music in her headphones so loud you can hear it
tags👇
@demigod-jack-hearth
@of-course-im-the-winner
@the-smart-and-the-dumb-one
@lisadaughter-of-hepheastus
@ariathemortal
@smileyalater
@reyna4ever
#<- genderfluid struggles? I get that#<- real I thought I went cis for a minute had an anxiety attack or 12 and now I’m male again WHAT😭😭😭#<- REAL I WAS IN BALLET ONCE AND I WAS IN A LEOTARD SO U COULD SEE MY CHEST AND THE WORST DYSPHORIA I HAVE EVER FELT WASHED OVER ME#Sleep rn because I can’t close my door so I can’t change so I can’t take the fucking binder off but and the same Time I don’t ever wanna#<- OMGS so one day I accidentally got a binder (I still don’t know how) and I’m wearing rn DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF WHAAAAA but I also can’t#Take it off cause of my euphoria rn but I need to sleep cause I might have my ELA exam tomorrow but idk cause school been off for 6 days#sorry for the rant#<-it's ok! I want a binder so bad ngl#Should I wear it to school tomorrow if I’m still masc#<- mine technically isn’t a binder but it works so well it might as well be#I’m scared though cause I’ve never been masc at school this year and I’m like a different person when I’m masc vs when I’m fem#AHHHHH#<- if you want to do it#I'm debating telling ppl who gave me gender envy#Some people know#Others do not#<- same for me lol#I was walking to my bus after school and this random ass kid starts screaming at me but then he said “WAIT ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL” and#Oh my gods it was amazing especially since I was just sad about how that never happens to me#<- It was white lie day at my school and my lie was that I was just a girl#Oh if my school does that it better be a Monday so I can see two of the most supportive teachers on campus#<- IM STEALING THAT#<- STEAL AWAY :3#<- AHHHHH#i gotta be a human tomorrow 😭😭#I live in Florida so the hurricane gave us no school for a week and I go back tomorrow#<- rip we've got a long weekend here#So I go back tmmrw and I have to do gym first#Sobs
110 notes
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Text
He started biting his fingers as he slept
(I do that a lot is that just me?)
open rp
you walk into the Apollo cabin to see Em writing something while blasting music in her headphones so loud you can hear it
tags👇
@demigod-jack-hearth
@of-course-im-the-winner
@the-smart-and-the-dumb-one
@lisadaughter-of-hepheastus
@ariathemortal
@smileyalater
@reyna4ever
#<- genderfluid struggles? I get that#<- real I thought I went cis for a minute had an anxiety attack or 12 and now I’m male again WHAT😭😭😭#<- REAL I WAS IN BALLET ONCE AND I WAS IN A LEOTARD SO U COULD SEE MY CHEST AND THE WORST DYSPHORIA I HAVE EVER FELT WASHED OVER ME#Sleep rn because I can’t close my door so I can’t change so I can’t take the fucking binder off but and the same Time I don’t ever wanna#<- OMGS so one day I accidentally got a binder (I still don’t know how) and I’m wearing rn DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF WHAAAAA but I also can’t#Take it off cause of my euphoria rn but I need to sleep cause I might have my ELA exam tomorrow but idk cause school been off for 6 days#sorry for the rant#<-it's ok! I want a binder so bad ngl#Should I wear it to school tomorrow if I’m still masc#<- mine technically isn’t a binder but it works so well it might as well be#I’m scared though cause I’ve never been masc at school this year and I’m like a different person when I’m masc vs when I’m fem#AHHHHH#<- if you want to do it#I'm debating telling ppl who gave me gender envy#Some people know#Others do not#<- same for me lol#I was walking to my bus after school and this random ass kid starts screaming at me but then he said “WAIT ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL” and#Oh my gods it was amazing especially since I was just sad about how that never happens to me#<- It was white lie day at my school and my lie was that I was just a girl#<- IM STEALING THAT#Oh if my school does that it better be a Monday so I can see two of the most supportive teachers on campus#<- STEAL AWAY :3#<- AHHHHH#i gotta be a human tomorrow 😭😭#I live in Florida so the hurricane gave us no school for a week and I go back tomorrow
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it kneaded the mattress
open rp
you walk into the Apollo cabin to see Em writing something while blasting music in her headphones so loud you can hear it
tags👇
@demigod-jack-hearth
@of-course-im-the-winner
@the-smart-and-the-dumb-one
@lisadaughter-of-hepheastus
@ariathemortal
@smileyalater
@reyna4ever
#<- genderfluid struggles? I get that#<- real I thought I went cis for a minute had an anxiety attack or 12 and now I’m male again WHAT😭😭😭#<- REAL I WAS IN BALLET ONCE AND I WAS IN A LEOTARD SO U COULD SEE MY CHEST AND THE WORST DYSPHORIA I HAVE EVER FELT WASHED OVER ME#Sleep rn because I can’t close my door so I can’t change so I can’t take the fucking binder off but and the same Time I don’t ever wanna#<- OMGS so one day I accidentally got a binder (I still don’t know how) and I’m wearing rn DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF WHAAAAA but I also can’t#Take it off cause of my euphoria rn but I need to sleep cause I might have my ELA exam tomorrow but idk cause school been off for 6 days#sorry for the rant#<-it's ok! I want a binder so bad ngl#Should I wear it to school tomorrow if I’m still masc#<- mine technically isn’t a binder but it works so well it might as well be#I’m scared though cause I’ve never been masc at school this year and I’m like a different person when I’m masc vs when I’m fem#AHHHHH#<- if you want to do it#I'm debating telling ppl who gave me gender envy#Some people know#Others do not#<- same for me lol#I was walking to my bus after school and this random ass kid starts screaming at me but then he said “WAIT ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL” and#Oh my gods it was amazing especially since I was just sad about how that never happens to me#<- It was white lie day at my school and my lie was that I was just a girl#Grins#<- IM STEALING THAT#Oh if my school does that it better be a Monday so I can see two of the most supportive teachers on campus#<- STEAL AWAY :3
110 notes
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Text
He breathed normally for once in his life
open rp
you walk into the Apollo cabin to see Em writing something while blasting music in her headphones so loud you can hear it
tags👇
@demigod-jack-hearth
@of-course-im-the-winner
@the-smart-and-the-dumb-one
@lisadaughter-of-hepheastus
@ariathemortal
@smileyalater
@reyna4ever
#<- genderfluid struggles? I get that#<- real I thought I went cis for a minute had an anxiety attack or 12 and now I’m male again WHAT😭😭😭#<- REAL I WAS IN BALLET ONCE AND I WAS IN A LEOTARD SO U COULD SEE MY CHEST AND THE WORST DYSPHORIA I HAVE EVER FELT WASHED OVER ME#Sleep rn because I can’t close my door so I can’t change so I can’t take the fucking binder off but and the same Time I don’t ever wanna#<- OMGS so one day I accidentally got a binder (I still don’t know how) and I’m wearing rn DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF WHAAAAA but I also can’t#Take it off cause of my euphoria rn but I need to sleep cause I might have my ELA exam tomorrow but idk cause school been off for 6 days#sorry for the rant#<-it's ok! I want a binder so bad ngl#Should I wear it to school tomorrow if I’m still masc#<- mine technically isn’t a binder but it works so well it might as well be#I’m scared though cause I’ve never been masc at school this year and I’m like a different person when I’m masc vs when I’m fem#AHHHHH#<- if you want to do it#I'm debating telling ppl who gave me gender envy#Some people know#Others do not#<- same for me lol#I was walking to my bus after school and this random ass kid starts screaming at me but then he said “WAIT ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL” and#Oh my gods it was amazing especially since I was just sad about how that never happens to me#<- It was white lie day at my school and my lie was that I was just a girl#Grins#<- IM STEALING THAT#Oh if my school does that it better be a Monday so I can see two of the most supportive teachers on campus
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Text
it purred
open rp
you walk into the Apollo cabin to see Em writing something while blasting music in her headphones so loud you can hear it
tags👇
@demigod-jack-hearth
@of-course-im-the-winner
@the-smart-and-the-dumb-one
@lisadaughter-of-hepheastus
@ariathemortal
@smileyalater
@reyna4ever
#<- genderfluid struggles? I get that#<- real I thought I went cis for a minute had an anxiety attack or 12 and now I’m male again WHAT😭😭😭#<- REAL I WAS IN BALLET ONCE AND I WAS IN A LEOTARD SO U COULD SEE MY CHEST AND THE WORST DYSPHORIA I HAVE EVER FELT WASHED OVER ME#Sleep rn because I can’t close my door so I can’t change so I can’t take the fucking binder off but and the same Time I don’t ever wanna#<- OMGS so one day I accidentally got a binder (I still don’t know how) and I’m wearing rn DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF WHAAAAA but I also can’t#Take it off cause of my euphoria rn but I need to sleep cause I might have my ELA exam tomorrow but idk cause school been off for 6 days#sorry for the rant#<-it's ok! I want a binder so bad ngl#Should I wear it to school tomorrow if I’m still masc#<- mine technically isn’t a binder but it works so well it might as well be#I’m scared though cause I’ve never been masc at school this year and I’m like a different person when I’m masc vs when I’m fem#AHHHHH#<- if you want to do it#I'm debating telling ppl who gave me gender envy#Some people know#Others do not#<- same for me lol#I was walking to my bus after school and this random ass kid starts screaming at me but then he said “WAIT ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL” and#Oh my gods it was amazing especially since I was just sad about how that never happens to me#<- It was white lie day at my school and my lie was that I was just a girl#Grins
110 notes
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Text
He curled into himself in his sleep crawling under his blanket
open rp
you walk into the Apollo cabin to see Em writing something while blasting music in her headphones so loud you can hear it
tags👇
@demigod-jack-hearth
@of-course-im-the-winner
@the-smart-and-the-dumb-one
@lisadaughter-of-hepheastus
@ariathemortal
@smileyalater
@reyna4ever
#<- genderfluid struggles? I get that#<- real I thought I went cis for a minute had an anxiety attack or 12 and now I’m male again WHAT😭😭😭#<- REAL I WAS IN BALLET ONCE AND I WAS IN A LEOTARD SO U COULD SEE MY CHEST AND THE WORST DYSPHORIA I HAVE EVER FELT WASHED OVER ME#<- OMGS so one day I accidentally got a binder (I still don’t know how) and I’m wearing rn DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF WHAAAAA but I also can’t#Sleep rn because I can’t close my door so I can’t change so I can’t take the fucking binder off but and the same Time I don’t ever wanna#Take it off cause of my euphoria rn but I need to sleep cause I might have my ELA exam tomorrow but idk cause school been off for 6 days#sorry for the rant#<-it's ok! I want a binder so bad ngl#<- mine technically isn’t a binder but it works so well it might as well be#Should I wear it to school tomorrow if I’m still masc#I’m scared though cause I’ve never been masc at school this year and I’m like a different person when I’m masc vs when I’m fem#AHHHHH#<- if you want to do it#I'm debating telling ppl who gave me gender envy#Some people know#Others do not#<- same for me lol#I was walking to my bus after school and this random ass kid starts screaming at me but then he said “WAIT ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL” and#Oh my gods it was amazing especially since I was just sad about how that never happens to me
110 notes
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Text
it yawned, going to nap at the foot of his bed
open rp
you walk into the Apollo cabin to see Em writing something while blasting music in her headphones so loud you can hear it
tags👇
@demigod-jack-hearth
@of-course-im-the-winner
@the-smart-and-the-dumb-one
@lisadaughter-of-hepheastus
@ariathemortal
@smileyalater
@reyna4ever
#<- genderfluid struggles? I get that#<- real I thought I went cis for a minute had an anxiety attack or 12 and now I’m male again WHAT😭😭😭#<- REAL I WAS IN BALLET ONCE AND I WAS IN A LEOTARD SO U COULD SEE MY CHEST AND THE WORST DYSPHORIA I HAVE EVER FELT WASHED OVER ME#<- OMGS so one day I accidentally got a binder (I still don’t know how) and I’m wearing rn DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF WHAAAAA but I also can’t#Sleep rn because I can’t close my door so I can’t change so I can’t take the fucking binder off but and the same Time I don’t ever wanna#Take it off cause of my euphoria rn but I need to sleep cause I might have my ELA exam tomorrow but idk cause school been off for 6 days#sorry for the rant#<-it's ok! I want a binder so bad ngl#<- mine technically isn’t a binder but it works so well it might as well be#Should I wear it to school tomorrow if I’m still masc#I’m scared though cause I’ve never been masc at school this year and I’m like a different person when I’m masc vs when I’m fem#AHHHHH#<- if you want to do it#I'm debating telling ppl who gave me gender envy#Some people know#Others do not
110 notes
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View notes