#my brother just sent me a text like 'btw it's a girl' a few months ago and that was it

[127-mile]

What the hell do you bring to a gender reveal party? Like I made a baby blanket but what else?

[peaceisadirtyword]

Try (Modern!Hvitserk/Reader)

A/N: Hello! Sorry for not posting this yesterday, my grandma was at the hospital and then I stayed with her the entire day and didn’t have my laptop :( I'm really sorry! I managed to finish it now, though. I want to apologize because this took me an entire week (I was writing Neon Lights part 2 but as I couldn't keep writing, I started writing this... and when I couldn’t write this, I wrote another one) and it’s not even close to what I really wanted to do. It’s shit. I wanted to write for Hvitserk and I’d like to write more fluff/emotional themes, because I feel that I suck at writing these things. Anyway, I had this request and I thought I'd try to write it. It turned out to be more angst than fluff, but I hope it’s okay. Btw dear anon I hope you’re feeling better now and that you like this😘  Thank you for the request!

Btw, I also wrote an Ivar fic (another request) that I will post tomorrow if I don’t think it’s shit when I edit it. And I'm trying to write Neon Lights too, but for now it’s two am, I'm crying and I need to sleep a bit because I'm waking up in like five hours. I’ll answer all the messages and asks tomorrow! Thank you🥰

Warnings: my block, my bad writing, angst, fluff, I’d like some cuddles too, mentions of sex and alcohol.

Words: 2483

gif belongs to @azlaug

This was supposed to be your night. You were supposed to go out and have fun, to drink and dance until you couldn't stand. And then you'd go back home and snuggle under the covers of your bed cuddling him, with his soft breathing on your neck and his arms around you. 

Instead, you were at home. Staring at your own reflect on the dark window as it rained outside. You felt stupid, a fool. Like an innocent girl that just had her heart broken by her crush. 

Your phone vibrated next to you for the third time in less than half an hour, but you didn't even bother on looking at the screen. You knew who it was, and the last thing you wanted was to hear his voice. 

Your eyes fixed on the bouquet you had received earlier. So many soft pink lilies that made you hurt even more, you didn't even read the small note attached to them. They were beautiful and delicate, and some of the petals had fell down to the floor. Drying your tears with the back of your hand, you looked back to the window. You didn't even know what you were waiting for.

And then someone knocked at your door. You tensed up and gasped as you heard your name being whispered at the other side of the wooden door. The voice you didn't want to hear ever again made you sigh and rub your eyes. 

"Please, Y/N, let me in, I need to see you"

His voice sounded broken. You kind of enjoyed hearing him beg, he deserved it. 

Five minutes later, he knocked again. You let a couple of tears fall down your cheeks in silence as you looked at the door. 

"I promise I will leave you alone" he sighed at the other side "I just need to... See you" 

You stood up, walking slowly to the door. You took a deep breath before opening it. 

He seemed surprised. His green eyes were puffy and reddened, he had obviously been drinking. You couldn't help but worry about him, holding yourself back from hugging him tightly. 

"Hi" he muttered, taken aback.

"Hvitserk" you said his name softly "What do you want?" 

Suddenly, Hvitserk seemed to forget why he had dragged himself to your door. His eyes fixed on yours on a silent plea. He didn't know what to say, he had never apologized to anyone, and even if he had hurt a lot of people during his life he never cared about their feelings. 

"Y/N" your name left his lips in a whisper "Can I...?" 

You looked away from him, but nodded slowly and let him enter your house. Hvitserk walked slowly, almost as if he expected you to push him out again and close the door. He ran his hand through his honey colored hair, ruining his already messy bun. 

"I never meant to hurt you"

You crossed your arms on your chest and sniffed. The vivid images of him kissing that blonde girl in the middle of the club made your heart clench again. 

"I swear, Y/N, I don't even know why I did that, I..." 

You shook your head, rubbing your eyes tiredly.  

That day you had had a fight. 

Hvitserk wasn't fond of fighting, usually he'd just let people yell and talk until they got tired and left him alone. It had worked with Sigurd and with Ivar his whole life. He didn't like to argue, and had learnt to control his temper from Ubbe. 

But even if he wanted to be more like Ubbe, sometimes he felt more like Ivar. 

Hvitserk liked you, he'd lie if he said he didn't. But he didn't imagine he'd end up so attached to you. Suddenly, he wasn't interested on the beautiful girls that approached him on the clubs, he stopped visiting Ubbe and Margrethe's house, he didn't hit on girls on the pubs... The fact that he only could look at you scared him. And then you confronted him about your feelings. 

He didn't want a girlfriend, he didn't want to settle down and fall in love, he was too young for that, he wanted to live before finding a woman and having children.

And then you came and said the magic words.

I think I love you, Hvitty. 

That had scared him. He didn't know how to react and his silence alarmed you. Then Hvitserk got out of bed and put his clothes back on. And a couple of tears rolled down your cheeks as you stared at him. 

At least you could say something, you had said softly. He had turned to look at you, panicking. Why was so hard to tell you what he had been telling every single girl he had met? 

"We only fuck, we're not a couple or anything" 

That made your heart break. Hvitserk frowned when he saw you crying, but didn't try to comfort you either. And the fight started. 

You knew about his reputation, you knew he wasn't looking for a girlfriend, but those months you had spent with him made you think that maybe he felt the same way you did. He took you to his apartment, he introduced you to his brothers, he invited you to dinner and then the both of you went clubbing and ended up in bed. After a few weeks he didn't leave before dawn, and you'd wake up between his arms, with your head on his chest. 

And his rejection hurt so much. 

But you didn't give up. You were willing to keep seeing him even if he made very clear that you'd never be a couple. You were too addicted to him, so that night you texted Ubbe and asked where were they. You weren't surprised when he texted you the name of Hvitserk's favorite club. 

What you didn't expect was to find Hvitserk nearly fucking with a blonde girl in the middle of the club. 

That hurt even more than his words, the fact that he was able to go out and fuck someone else when you couldn't even look at another man after being with him was devastating. You realized Hvitserk didn't have any kind of feelings for you, just lust. You were his little fuck toy and as soon as it got a bit more complicated, he just moved on. 

So you decided to forget about him, even if he ran after you, even if he yelled your name and tried to stop you as you walked out of the club. Even if he sent hundreds of texts, flowers and even a giant teddy bear. You were no one's plaything. 

"I do know why you did it" you muttered "Because everything's a game for you, Hvitserk, you only think about yourself, about your own fun and your life, you never stopped to think about my feelings, or anyone's feelings, you just want to party, drink, smoke and fuck, that's life for you" you spat.

He seemed taken aback by your answer, you expected for him to get angry, as people usually did when you said the truth to their faces. 

"You're right" he blinked a couple of times, this time you were the one surprised "You made me realize that, these past days... I think I never missed anyone as much as I missed you" 

You didn't expect that. You expected he'd excuse himself and then proceed to apologize poorly, surely believing you'd go back to him as soon as you'd hear a couple of nice words. 

"I... I'm supposed to apologize now, Ubbe said that" he muttered as you just stared at him. His eyes fixed on the bouquet of lilies on the table, he sighed and rubbed his face "I don't know how to do it, to be honest, I know you don't want anything to do with me, I respect that, I would probably do the same" he shrugged "But I needed to tell you"

He paused again. It was the first time you saw Hvitserk Lothbrok nervous, and maybe in another context you'd think it was cute, but now you could only feel that it was a goodbye. 

"I've never been with someone for so long" he continued "Usually, it was a one night stand, you know, maybe I'd see them a couple of times more if I liked them, but I never went to the cinema with anyone, or to have dinner, I never introduced anyone to my brothers, and I never stayed for breakfast, I suppose I never did it because I didn't feel the need" 

You felt your eyes tear up again, remembering all the moments you spent with him. 

"I knew it, I knew it would happen" you shrugged "Every night I went to bed all alone, I wondered if you were fucking someone else, or if you couldn't even look at other people, like me"

"I wasn't with anyone else for months, Y/N" he assured you, sighing "That day I... I was confused, and scared, and I needed to get you out of my head"

"Scared of what?" You felt the need of hitting him on the face. 

"Y/N, I never felt anything like this, with anyone" he frowned "You need to understand me too, I saw my parents getting divorced and I saw my mother losing her fucking mind after that"

Your expression softened a bit. You knew Hvitserk's childhood had been far from perfect, it was one of the few things you knew about his life. He wasn't very open with it, but after getting drunk and having slow sex, he had opened a bit to you, you had respected and appreciated that. 

"But what do you feel?" You nearly sobbed in desperation "You're obviously not in love with me, because you made out with someone else"

"I don't know" he rubbed his eyes again "I just know that I miss you, that I want to keep seeing you, and that I regret being an idiot and a coward"

You stood silent, biting your lip. A part of you already forgave him, even if the other part knew you shouldn't. You couldn't help it, you forgave him as soon as you opened the door and looked at him. He had to care about you, right? He came to your house, he apologized, a concept that Hvitserk Lothbrok wasn't very familiar with. 

His green eyes fixed on yours, and he frowned when he saw the tears running down your cheeks again. 

"Don't cry" he whispered, approaching you slowly, waiting for you to move away from him. 

You let him hug you, sighing in comfort when you hid your face on the crook of his neck. You inhaled his smell, oh how you missed waking up with him. 

"You're an asshole, Hvitty" 

He chuckled against your hair, and you smiled softly. 

"I am, but I never meant to hurt you" he repeated "I swear, you don't deserve that" 

"Then don't do it" you muttered "I missed you"

Hvitserk kissed your temple and immediately felt that warmth on his chest that he had been trying to ignore for weeks. Was that what Ubbe spoke about when he said he wanted to marry Margrethe? 

"I still haven't forgiven you" 

"Okay" he smiled "What should I do, then? Are you hungry?" 

You shook your head, moving away from him and taking his hand.

Hvitserk knew the way to your bedroom very well, he lost the count of how many times he had walked down that hallway drunk and with you between his arms. This time it felt different, though. He always got excited whenever entering a girl's bedroom, but this time was more intimate, this time he didn't rush to take your clothes off and lay you down on the bed. He stopped and stared at you as you laid down. The bed wasn't made, and you didn't even bother to cover yourself, just looked at him and patted the bed next to you. 

Hvitserk laid beside you, his fingers caressed your cheek and you looked away. 

"You're pretty" he smiled, realizing he had never told you just how beautiful you were. 

"Nice words won't fix shit, Lothbrok" 

Hvitserk chuckled, nodding. 

"I know, I just wanted to tell you" 

You held back a smile as your eyes scanned his face. The first time you met him, you wondered how he could have such genes; all of his brothers were handsome, his whole family was beautiful, but he had something else, like a light. He had that charm, that big smile that could brighten up an entire room. You just wished he smiled a bit more. 

"Promise me we'll try" you muttered. It was the first time he could remember being in a bed with someone without having sex. 

"You know I'm not good with these things" he sighed.

"But you can try" you frowned. Hvitserk moved to hug you again. 

"I know nothing about relationships, Y/N" he muttered "I don't even know what to do, Ivar knows more about this than me" 

"Then we should ask Ivar" you bit your lip with a small smile. 

Hvitserk closed his eyes and brought you closer.

"Ivar would probably tell me I'm stupid, and then roll his eyes and tell you that you should move on, that I'm not worth it"

You raised an eyebrow. 

"I think you're worth it" you shrugged. 

"Really?" 

"Yes, if I didn't think so I wouldn't have opened the door" 

Hvitserk stayed silent. 

"I was never worth it for anyone" he frowned "Everyone enjoys spending time with me but at the end of the day... Margrethe chose Ubbe, like my mother chose Ivar, and my father chose... To leave" he scoffed "So when you said you loved me I... It's the first time I heard that" 

You widened your eyes, raising your head to look at him. 

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah" he chuckled "I think that's why I'm so afraid"

You leant in to kiss him softly. Hvitserk closed his eyes and smiled against your lips. You tasted salty, the result of all the tears you had shed that evening, but he didn't care, your lips were as soft as he remembered, and he found himself not wanting to kiss anyone but you. His arm sneaked around your waist and he pulled you closer, his free hand caressed your neck as your lips moved against his faster. You moaned and he sighed.

You broke the kiss and pressed your forehead against his. 

"I would tell you every single day" you muttered "We can try, right?" 

Hvitserk stood silent for a couple of seconds, but then nodded softly, he had made that decision when he walked to your door, abandoning that amazing party that he was supposed to attend with you. 

"Yeah" he whispered softly "We can try"

________________________________________

Tags: @mblaqgi @alicedopey @lol-haha-joke @hallowed-heathen @naaladareia @tephi101 @captstefanbrandt @love-hate-love @titty-teetee @readsalot73 @moondustmemories @thevikingsheaux @therealcalicali @chimera4plums @blushingskywalker @awkwardfangirl02 @anarchy-is-coming @gruffle1 @justacripple @heartbeats-wildly @letsrunawaytotomorrow @inforapound @sallydelys @winchesterwife27 @hecohansen31 @xinyourdreamsx @funmadnessandbadassvikings @tgrrose @flokidottirsstuff @lovessce @tootie-fruity @didiintheblog​ @belovedcherry​ 

[ones-delight]

I unfortunately won’t have therapy until the end of this month (I should have scheduled one earlier this month ugh lmao I thought one later this month would be better) so I’m doing what my therapist suggested, write down all what’s going through my head even if it doesn’t make sense to help bring myself back to reality. lol. I’m very much lost in my own sauce of feelings and thoughts. it’s allllll about my ex again so ugh lmao. My main anxieties are just feelings about my ex and what’s coming up this semester.

I’m currently in my apartment in Iowa City since we’re about to start back up my usual routine. I’ve been here for almost two weeks now which is nice because I’ve been trying to take my time to relax and get myself mentally prepared for this upcoming semester. I’m also low key glad I’m having these overwhelming anxieties right now instead of later this week. I need to ask my therapist again what exactly I am feeling (if it’s like a panic attack because i truly dont know) because I’ve been feeling hella anxious the past few days (in general) and yesterday my anxiety was so intense that I barely ate and I felt sick to my stomach. idk if others have the same too but when I also get hella anxious, all I want to do is go to the bathroom so tmi lmao. I feel this way now and I just cannot stop crying so again, I’m just writing everything that’s going through my mind lmao.

#1) Related to my ex, heart break

Yeah.. I literally keep talking about this/him and I’m glad I have multiple outlets that I can say what’s going through my mind because if I keep these thoughts to myself, I keep spiraling. I’m also very thankful I have multiple strong support systems from people where it truly doesn’t get annoying to them when I keep talking about him/my overall heart break/healing journey. I know I don’t want to burden my friends with my own thoughts (it can be a lot) so overall very thankful for friends, family, and my therapist lmao. 

I think the last time I talked about my heart break was the letter I wrote to him. I wrote it and sent it to him lmao. I also wrote his mom a letter in Spanish because I want to stay connected with her and very thankful she reciprocates the same energy, Apparently, he never received the letter even though I sent it over 3 weeks ago, but anyways yeah that’s a story I will tell later in this post. Anyways, it’s legit easier said than done to completely stop checking on his social media. I was doing great before winter break. Now that winter break has happened (still kind of is for a few more days), I have relapsed where I was checking very often. The break was great since I got to spend quality time with family, however, unfortunately being back in Wichita still floods a lot of my emotions where there are still a lot of memories of him and I that still makes me feel sad (luckily no longer sobbing about but I do still feel some type of way. It’s getting better thankfully). It also hurts that he’s making new memories with his new girlfriend Kylie so I was def feeling all sorts of things. Sorry, I’m trying to go onto chronologize order of events that have happened. I’m jumping back and forth lmao 

First, did I mention his mom called me the day before Christmas? I was SHOOOOOK when I saw her name on my phone. I legit froze because I wasn’t sure if it was actually her so I accidently missed her call. I’m so glad she left a voicemail so I could listen first and immediately call her back LMAO. But basically, she wanted to check in to see how I was doing, wish me and my family a merry christmas/happy new year, and asked if I could come see her. We joked a bit back and forth like how she was learning English for me while I’m learning Spanish for her. lmao. so after this phone call, I wrote her a letter to update her on what I’ve been doing. I wrote it all in Spanish since that’s her primary language so thank god for google translate. overall, I told her about how I’m about to earn my masters degree in may, I’ve lost now 30 lbs of weight/having a better relationship with food, how I’m honestly still hurt about her son cheating on me (I was in my feels. You know if you ever get those feelings like you want your mom? She legit is like a mom to me since my mom isn’t an active part of my life so yeah I guess you can say I got mommy issues but anyways) I also told her that if she’d still like me to come over, I’d love to come over and see her.

Few days go by, I’ve been creeping onto his social media, it stings to see how he has flaunted his relationship with Kylie. It hurts because I keep playing this comparison game because he truly has NEVER allowed me to post about us and he would himself refuse to post about us on his social media. So, just to see how he’s been basically spending every single day with her and posting her throughout all of his social media, makes me feel an extreme type of way. during new years, she had a party at her house where it was him, her, his brother paco (which I was SHOOOK because she met paco and not everyone has ever met paco, who is his oldest brother), miguel and his girlfriend (both are super cute btw), Blake (surprisingly), and Erik. I felt some kind of way because obviously I know they would share a new years kiss even tho they’ve only been dating for literally a month. I dated him for 3 years and NEVER got a new years kiss (because he wanted to be with bros). Valentines day is coming up and it’d be their “two month” anniversary and I just KNOW he’d actually put EFFORT into spending that day with her. 3 years I dated this guy and he never ONCE did ANYTHING for me for valentines day. ok I’m getting more hurt thinking how he’s treating his other girls better than me so anyways BACK TO THE TOPIC

few days go by and I got another call from his mom. I actually picked up this time because I was really excited to hear her voice again. I legit would die for this woman legit #1 mom. She asked if she could see me and I happily said yes. It really means a lot that she still gives me the same energy that she gave me when I was still dating her son. One of the hardest parts of us breaking up was the potential of losing his family too because they are all truly good people and I am NOT the CEO of letting people go lmao. okay back to subject, I had TONS of anxiety driving over to her house because I had so many thoughts. I asked on the phone if 1.) is Lalo there. She said no. 2.) Is Paco there. No, he apparently flew back to California that morning. I was low key hoping paco would be there still because it would be cool to catch up with him but anyways my main concern was if eduardo was there so since he wasn’t, I was like “ok vroom vroom let’s go” lmao. WOWOWOWWO seeing her just made my heart so happy. She def has a lot more gray hairs since the last time I saw her lmao she’s the cutest anyways, I’m really shook that HIS DAD FREAKING HUGGED ME. THIS MAN NEVER USUALLY HUGS ANYONEEEEEEEEEEE. Typically how we greet each other, it’s like a wave from a distance and we obvi acknowledge each other. so WOOOOW I was very thankful and shook he hugged me. Anyways, his mom showed me around the house with the Christmas decorations, I noticed her birds were still doing well, she even showed me her new plants she got lmao. We sat at the dining room table and talked and ate mexican snacks. She has broken English and I have broken Spanish so literally thank god for dualingo because it has helped me. I love how when we are together, we talk really slow and try to annunciate for each other LMAOOO. Anyways, THIS WOMAN ALSO GOT ME A STOCKING filled with Mexican Candy. omg this woman i love her so much. Anyways, I showed my tattoos to her and she legit wanted to murder me lmao but she says she likes them but hates them at the same time. She also sat me down and we had a serious conversation in terms of how she sees me. She said that I am no longer known as lalo’s novia, what I am to her is a daughter. I am evelyn’s sister and yo boi that got me crying in the club because that’s what I would love to have, to maintain my relationship with them . Okay, to kind of speed things up, basically we kept talking about Evelyn’s quinceanera that’s happening this year AHHHHHH, dropped Evelyn off and her friend to a friend’s quince, and his mom took me to eat at paleterias tropicana where I tried elote for the first time and had a jugo verde WOOOOOW SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. literally cannot stop thinking about it. Anyways, random note, I noticed my old K-State beanie in the car and his mom said it was Evelyn’s. It gave me a weird feeling because it was originally mine that he gifted me on our first Christmas together but obviously I knew he wouldn’t keep it so I’m not suprised he gave it to Evelyn. It made me wonder then what did he do to the other gifts that he originally gave me but I gave it back to him once we broke up.. okay that was a tangent, anyways, that was it with the night with his mom and ughhh it was a really fun night and I really am looking forward to seeing her again.

Now fast forward to now-ish, me not doing good of not checking his social media, I got triggered because they now made it “facebook officlal” that they are dating. it triggered me because again, he refused to publicize our relationship and it really threw me off that they’ve only been dating for a month (technically interested in each other since October, started dating November) and already publicizing they are together. they moving hella quick and basically, I got hella bitter. I felt reckless and I texted him. I KNOW I shouldn’t have texted him because I immediately felt a sense of regret after but also low key glad I did text him. ugh i hate me lmao. Anyways, i texted him and he asked if he could call me so I said yes. Luckily, the conversation was better than I expected because it was simply like two old friends catching up. It was a really good feeling even tho I’m honestly still hurt about the way that he treated me. It caught me by suprised when he said that he has talked about me with Kylie and he actually stated that he knows what he did and feels regretful for the choices he made. That was a huge shocker and I do still have trust issues because I try to take things that he says with a grain of salt. He may be saying things to me that I want to hear but it’s not the truth so anyways lmao. Our conversation was good and it really got me thinking what exactly am I doing/how am I really feeling.

I really am happy for him. Yes i’m still deeply hurt and feel a type of way about how he treated me, but I can’t do anything about the past and all I can do is just simply be happy for him. I will always love him without a doubt, but he isn’t my person. I hope this doesn’t come off as selfish but he will never find someone better than me, he is simply finding someone better suited for him. What helps me the most about this is thinking about ME because that’s the situation for him, however, I know I will find someone better than him because I deserve the best.

I felt bad for asking because I am just fucking nosy and I’m glad he was okay with me asking about what happened with his relationship with Lila (the girl he left me for) and how did he start dating Kylie. He shared with with me that even though it was all great in the beginning with Lila (and let me tell you dude, he totally was hella infatuated with her lmao), they started becoming two different people. She apparently wasn’t emotionally there for him when he needed her (IRONICCCCCCCCCCCCC BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW HE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT OUR 3 YEARS TOGETHER) and she ended the relationship. It did make me sad to hear because everyone needs support and it is sad when you go to someone for support and they don’t give you it, ya know? anyways, he said with Kylie, they’ve been friends for two years (I knew who she was when we were together but they’ve always only been friends since they worked at the Sunflower together. This will sound extremely bad but I never thought about her being a girl to worry about because she did a lot of “white” things that we make fun of white people for and so it kind of shocked me that he is dating her now but anyways) apparently he said that “they were hanging out and next thing he knows is that he kissed her and that’s how they started dating.” dude didn’t want to go into detail which was fine but I’m also in my head like “ok lmao you literally just got broken up by your ex and then immediately start hanging out with another girl? ok” ANYWAYS, I really am happy for him and wish him the best. 

It was cool to hear about what he’s hoping to do. He shared a lot more detail than usual which again caught me by surprise. Anyways, he shared that he is currently looking for a new place to live (a house to rent) somewhere in college hill (conveniently where Kylie also lives lmao) with Erik. He is also hoping to find another job soon because things at KWCH are no longer making him feel happier so he’s looking to see if he can work for a non-profit org which makes me happy for him because I’d also want to do the same. If I’m at a job where I’m not excited to be, I’d want to also try to make a switch. He also shared that junior (martin, his little brother) will be moving to Cali in May to move close to paco which wow made me really happy for them all. Anyways, he shared that he is hoping to stay in Wichita for about one more year and then possibly relocating to KC or somewhere in Oklahoma. i did encourage him KC because it seems that KC has much more opportunities than Wichita and Oklahoma. Only thing we both hate is driving in KC lmao

Okay, so overall, I’m still really hurt about how our relationship was and how it ended but I’m very grateful that I’m doing what is best for me to make progress because this is not an overall easy thing to do, move on. I do feel low key embarrassed that I still am not over our break up but I’m very glad that I know that He isn’t my person. we will and I cannot get back together with him even if he stated that he has “changed” Yes i invested so much in him to be my forever partner and it didn’t work out but that’s okay. I’m always willing to invest in people to be the best version of themselves and it really makes me happy to see people thrive. I truly cannot and will not take him back if there was ever a time where he wanted to give us a second try because I need to remember how he treated me. If he really was always thinking it was me, then he shouldn’t have cheated on me, treated me so poorly. I’m okay with us remaining friends, but as partners in life? that isn’t it. I deserve so much better and the man of my dreams will come. I’m 10000000% okay with being single because I know I need to work on myself so that I can be fully ready for my next. I really wish my next relationship is my one and only, but hey we’ll see. 

so this is already extremely long but I’m very glad I got this all out of me. I know I have other anxieties such as starting school again, which will be my last semester before I earn my masters (FINALLY), RA training coming back up (so me working is coming back), JOB SEARCH. So much is coming up and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to get my head into gear. 

[cali-holland]

🎉 + being the only Holland girl (your triplets with Harry and Sam) and being in a secret relationship Harrison since you were 16 and he was 19 (going on 20) and the family finding out. You chose the reactions. Love your writing btw 💓💓

🎉 + idea for a blurb request

Thank you 🥰🥰

~~~

“Happy anniversary, baby.” Harrison mumbled softly, still sounding like he was half-asleep, which he was, but that didn’t stop him from opening his tired eyes to see you.

“Happy anniversary to you, too.” You smiled, placing a hand on his cheek as you gave him a sweet good morning kiss.

You had been with Harrison for four years now, and they had easily been the best four years of your life- well, excluding all the petty teenager drama you had with your friends and the big challenge that was university. He was the light in your life, and you two were crazy about each other.

The thing was, though, you kind of accidentally somehow sort of forgot to tell your whole family about your relationship? Four years ago, you just said you were going out on a date, and beside the regular overprotective questions from your four brothers, you didn’t say much about it. You never saw your love life as something that needed to be discussed. Sure, you and Harrison had spent time together in front of your families, Tom and Harry especially, but neither of you were big on PDA. You two would do some couple-y things in front of the others- you’d run your fingers through Harrison’s hair, he’d hug you for a little too long, you’d even kiss his cheek sometimes, but your brothers always thought it was you being really close to their friend- they didn’t realize just how close. You never intended to keep it a secret so long, but your father didn’t want you dating until you were older (much older than when you and Harrison started dating) and you weren’t sure how Tom would react to it either.

“We should probably tell our families.” You stated, frowning a little at the thought. You’d both tried so hard over the years to wait for the right time to tell them, but that right time never came and so that’s how you ended up being together for four whole years without them knowing.

“Probably.” He laughed.

“You know, my mum invited me to a family dinner this afternoon. I could tell them I’m bringing my boyfriend and then just show up with you?” You suggested.

“Family dinner as in everyone everyone or-“

“No. Family dinner as in my annoying brothers that you call friends.” You joked. You loved your brothers, but it was so easy to lovingly poke fun at their close friendship with Harrison. Whenever they told you or him that they thought of him like family, the two of you had to bite back how basically true that really was because yes, you and Harrison had discussed marriage in the later future.

So a few hours later and you two were anxiously making your way over to your family’s home. You’d told your mum that your boyfriend was coming for dinner, and of course that sent a chain reaction throughout the family that you had a boyfriend. You didn’t reply to the numerous texts you received from your brothers, questioning who it was, and you didn’t answer their calls either, waiting to see their reactions. Harrison pressed a kiss to the back of your hand that was intertwined with his as you two made your way up the pathway to your parents’ house.

“We’re here.” You called out, opening the door. As if on cue, your four brothers marched in, standing up straighter than normal. They froze when they saw Harrison standing beside. You could tell that three of them had figured it out.

“Hey, didn’t know you were coming.” Tom laughed, oblivious. See, this is how easy it was to keep it a secret. “Wait until you hear Y/N’s news.”

“Tom.” You and Harrison said simultaneously, and he stopped laughing.

“Wait, what? You two, really?” He questioned in disbelief.

“How long?” Paddy asked.

“Four-“ Before Harrison could finish, Tom cut him off.

“For four months you didn’t tell us?”

“Try years?” You offered with a nervous laugh. “We just kinda didn’t think it was a big deal.”

“Oh my god, so I wasn’t just drunk and hallucinating when I saw you two getting it on last Christmas!” Harry exclaimed.

“Or when I thought you had a secret boyfriend two years ago.” Sam said.

“Well, the secret’s out now.” You smiled, “So where’s the food?”

[shadowhuntertrash]

High Notes

I own nothing

Chapter Six

  The day went by quickly and Thomas didn’t have much time to ponder the almost kiss he had with Alastair or the girl's from the coffee shop’s words until dinner that night. Lucie and Cordelia had gone and had an early dinner with Alastair and the other boys had decided to have a late dinner and go ahead and knock the rest of their rehearsal out. 

   James and Christopher were in a deep discussion about dress rehearsal they had tomorrow and Thomas found himself, once again, under the scrutinizing gaze of Matthew. Thomas moved the fry around on his plate, his hamburger long forgotten. He was too anxious to eat anyway. “Who started it?” Matthew asked in a quiet voice. Thomas raised an eyebrow, “Math I have no earthly idea what you’re talking about.” He said innocently shrugging, Matthew just glared.

   “Stop it, we both know you do.” They held eye contact for a minute and Thomas was reminded vaguely of a dominance match between dogs. Thomas gave up with a huff and looked back down at his fries again. “I honestly don’t know. I had a panic attack and then we were just walking and then it just kind of… happened. Lord, that sounds dull.” Matthew smirked at him and Thomas groans, burying his head in his hands. Matthew laughs softly and James looks over at them. “What are we talking about?” James asked, propping his chin on Matthew’s shoulder so he could see Thomas. 

   Thomas had sat in this booth first, Matthew had sat next to Thomas and then James, the social anxiety impersonation he is, sat next to Matthew instead of sitting in the booth with Christopher. Which led to Thomas, Matthew, and James being squished together and Christopher propping his legs up in his practically empty booth.

   They had to sit in the back because most places they go they get noticed by fans and won’t get any peace. It was a habit now (for their band and Alastair and the girls) to ask for a spot in the back or off in a corner somewhere when they went out to eat.

   “We’re talking about Thomas and Alastair almost kissing.” Matthew said as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Christopher choked on his drink and James looked at Thomas with wide eyes. “When did that happen!” Christopher said when he had stopped choking. Thomas was sure he resembled a tomato at this point.

   He hit Matthew, who was still laughing hysterically, in the arm and slumped further in his seat, hating his height more than anything at the moment. “When we found them, they were about to kiss and then we stumbled upon them and they didn’t.” Matthew frowned and slumped against James. “What a bunch of cock blocks we are.” Matthew said as if it were him that didn’t get to kiss someone he wanted to. 

   Thomas found himself laughing at Matthew’s forlorn expression and James’s still too wide eyes. “Nothing really happened. We were just walking and talking. We were actually trying to find you guys because I told Matthew twenty minutes and then I realized I was late because I didn’t have my phone on. Sorry about that Math, I know you worry. So I was trying to-”

   Matthew cut him off with a raised hand. “Stop rambling it’s okay. I was just picking and James was just a little shocked.” Matthew finished with a shape jab to James’ ribs which seemed to snap James out of his daze. James nodded enthusiastically before looking at Matthew with a wide smile. “Oh my god otp Matthew OTP!” Matthew and Christopher burst out laughing and Thomas slumped impossibly further in his chair. Why did they always have to pick on him?

   Matthew dropped his hand on Thoams’ shoulder and Thomas looked at him. Matthew was looking at him with a look that was strictly reserved for James, Thomas, and Christopher. A soft look that was often off putting since he was constantly annoyed or making a joke out of everything and anything.

   “You know Tommy we only pick on you because it’s easy with how embarrassed you get. We love you and as much as I dislike Alastair I think you two would be good for each other. Plus,” He added a wink that made Thomas blush before he even heard the next part. “I think you could teach him some well needed manners.” Thomas laughed softly and gave Mattew a pointed look. 

   “You really shouldn’t make fun of my pining, saying as it is not nearly as bad as yours was.” Matthew put his hand to his chest in mock hurt. “You wound me Thomas. Anyhow even if that was accurate,” He turned to James and stuck his tongue out boyishly. “Which it wasn’t,” He turned back to Thomas who was smiling at his friends. “It isn’t my fault you’re too nice and didn’t pick on me when you had the chance.” Thomas rolled his eyes.

   It was common knowledge that Thomas was nice, it was why the fans had dubbed him the ‘Kind One’ or ‘Gentle Giant’ as some others called him. He hated that one thought, gentle giant made him sound dull. They had dubbed Matthew as the ‘Sexy One’, James the ‘Mysterious One’, and Christopher, well Christopher was his own category.

   Thomas pushed Matthew playfully and Matthew fell back dramatically accidentally falling on James, causing him to fall out of the seat. “Jesus Math, be careful.” James said taking Matthew’s outstretched hand and getting back to his feet, Matthew was too busy laughing to listen to him.

   Thomas sat back watching them, his brothers by all means but blood, and smiled. How did he get so lucky?

   When it was time to go back to the hotel rooms, which they were staying in when they weren’t on the road, they all split ways smiling and wishing each other goodnight. Thomas followed Christopher to their room. There were two beds so Thomas knew he could stand staying with Christopher.

   Thomas showered as soon as they got to the hotel. Some people thought it was weird but Thomas showered twice a day and washed his hair at least once a day. Matthew always picked on it but Thomas just shrugged it off he didn’t feel clean if he didn’t wash his hair.

   Thomas took his time feeling the hot water wash off the stress of the day. As soon as he had got to the quiet hotel room the fans from the diner’s words came back to him. He knew he would spend too much time thinking about this.

   He got out of the shower about 40 minutes later and ran his towel through his hair shaking it out. He flopped gracelessly on the bed and groaned. Christopher was fast asleep on the bed next to him, the sound he was making strongly reminded Thomas of a lawnmower.

   Thomas grabbed his phone, turned the brightness down, as he began feeling the beginning of a headache, and read the texts he had received. 

Matthew Unfairchild:

Sleep well dream of your knight in shining armor <3

   Thomas scoffed and replied,

Tommy:

We all know I’m more into Prince Charming. <3

   He opened a text from Lucie and smiled at her picture. It was a picture from the first time they went to Disney World. No one else would go with her, Cordelia didn’t like it because she couldn’t stand the lines and decided it was no more magical than Six Flags. James and Matthew had claimed too manly (however it turned out they went two months before without telling anyone), and Christopher, bless his soul, wouldn’t stop going on and on about the mechanisms in the rides and that just made everyone untrustworthy of the shaky rides.

   So Thomas had gone with her and they had stayed for two days, riding rides and meeting characters. The picture that made her profile was of her in front of Cinderella’s castle with a bunch of fireworks going off in the background. She was mid jump and a look of pure happiness plastered on her face, she had an ice cream cone in her hand however the ice cream was mid fall.

   It was Thomas’ all time favorite picture of her and he was quietly proud of his photography skills. Lucie’s parents, Tessa and Will, had taken one look at the picture and demanded it be framed and hung on the wall of their house. Thomas was proud of that too.

   

Luce <33:

Matthew told me what happened. I'm so mad at myself. You two were finally gonna kiss and I messed it up I’m so sorry Tommy.

   Thomas laughed and shook his head. It seemed everyone was rooting for them and Thomas was quietly pleased. Thomas just hoped he wasn’t going off of false hope.

Tommy:

It’s fine sweetie don’t worry about it. I wasn’t thinking anyway.

   Thomas checked his other text to find pictures of Barbara’s engagement ring and a video of her telling our parents about her engagement. Thomas smiled slightly and watched the video with the volume on low knowing exactly how his mom would react. He did however have to turn it up when he couldn’t hear the video over Christopher’s snoring.

   He watched as Barbara casually, without words, held up her engagement ring for them to see. Sophie’s hands automatically came up to cover her mouth as her eyes started watering dangerously. Gideon however stared at it not comprehending yet. “He did not!” Sophie all but screamed. He listened as Barbara and Oliver started laughing. 

   Gideon’s mouth fell open slightly, understanding brightening his eyes. He walked over quickly and hugged her, Sophie joining quickly. The video ended then and Thomas sent his sister a text.

Tommy:

Aww! They’re so proud! I’m proud of you. It was about time Oliver took the next step! Love you tons miss you more!

   Thomas opened the last unread message and furrowed his eyebrows, it was an unknown number. Thomas opened it and felt a smile stretching across his face. 

Unknown Number:

Hey I asked Lucie for your number hope you don’t mind.

Unknown Number:

It’s Alastair btw lol

   Thomas let out a happy sound that immediately made him blush even though Christopher wasn’t awake to hear it. Thomas took a few calming breaths cursing himself for acting like a little girl with a crush.

Tommy:

Oh hey I don’t mind sorry for responding late

   Thomas stared down at the message, that was cool right? Not too eager, not too pushy. Thomas sighed roughly and put his phone on the nightstand by their beds. Thomas closed his eyes and replayed the events of the day, the practicing, the boys trying to convince him to sing at a concert, the girls words which were still ringing in his ears much to his dismay, and Alastair. 

   Daring Alastair with his stupid dyed hair and his face that lights up constantly. Thomas shook his head as if he could physically fling the thoughts from his head. He got up knowing he wasn’t going to be able to sleep yet. Christopher was making sure of that. Thomas knew in the back of his mind that he was probably going to end up in James and Matthew’s room.

   Thomas got up and picked up his guitar. It had been a long day and he had written a song but he didn’t want to play it for anyone yet. It was deeper than his normal ones, it was more just words he needed out of his head. Thomas huffs loudly the girls words playing on repeat in his head, he could tell he was getting a migraine but he bit back the pain and started strumming.

I don't know why I just feel I'm better off

Stayin' in the same room I was born in

I look outside and see a whole world better off

Without me in it tryin' to transform it

You are out of my mind, oh

You aren't seein' my side, oh

You waste all this time tryin' to get to me

But you are out of my mind, yeah

Listen, I know

This one's a contradiction because of how happy it sounds

But the lyrics are so down

It's okay though

Because it represents, wait, better yet it is

Who I feel I am right now

You are out of my mind, oh

You aren't seein' my side, oh

You waste all this time tryin' to get to me

But you are out of my mind

Heard you say, "Not today"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound

Heard your voice, "there's no choice"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise

Oh, don't you test me, no

Just because I play the piano

Doesn't mean I, I'm not willin' to take you down

I'm sorry

I'm, I'm out of my mind, oh

I'm not seein' things right, oh

I waste all this time tryin' to run from you

But I'm, I'm out of my mind

Heard you say, "Not today"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound

Heard your voice, "there's no choice"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah, oh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah, oh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

You are out of my mind

You aren't seein' my side

You waste all this time tryin' to get to me

But you are out of my mind

Heard you say, "Not today"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound

Heard your voice, "there's no choice"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise

   Thomas sighed and sat his guitar down rubbing his forehead with one hand. He got migraines when he had stressful days, which in all honesty were more often than not. Maybe he could ask Matthew for migraine medicine, he was sure to have some.

   Thomas got up and jot down a message telling Christopher where he went in case he woke up, which wasn’t likely but he didn’t want to risk it. He put some sunglasses on because the yellow lighting in the halls made his head worse and walked down to James and Matthew’s room which was only three doors down.

   Everyone knew where the others were sleeping in case of emergency or if they just wanted to hang out. 

   Thomas was about to knock when he heard some noises coming from inside. He furrowed his eyebrows wondering the hell they could be doing to make that racket. He could hear the bed hitting the wall and realization dawned on him. Crap.

   Thomas whined softly knowing that he couldn’t get Matthew’s medicine now. He blushed furiously and walked away from their door quickly trying to erase the noises he had just heard. He sighed and shook his head stopping for a moment when a sharp wave of pain hit him and he stumbled slightly.

   Thomas put his hand on the wall and walked slowly to Lucie and Cordelia’s room slowly, waiting for the room to stop spinning. He cursed when he stood in front of the door. He knocked sharply not wanting to be too loud in case they were asleep. He stood there for a few minutes before he turned to head back to his room deciding to wait it out.

   The door opened as Thomas took his second step. Thomas let out a noise of relief. “Lucie-” He started softly before realizing that it wasn’t Lucie standing there, it wasn’t Cordelia either. It was Alasatiar.

   Thomas looked at him for a while trying to wrap his head around why Alastair was there before slowly realizing that this wasn’t the girls room it was Alastair’s. Thomas groaned loudly and stumbled slightly. Alastair’s eyes, normally playful and joyous, were now darkening; he was practically scowling and Thomas shrunk away.

   “Lightwood please don’t tell me you’re wasted.” Alastair said glaring Thomas shook his head and promptly sat down when the room spun too fast. Thomas let out an exasperated laugh. Alastair was now looking at him with concern, all annoyance gone. “Lightwood what’s wrong with you?” He said squatting down so he was eye level with Thomas.

   Thomas looked at him in confusion before shrugging trying to ignore the pounding in his head. He hadn’t meant to be here and it was quite embarrassing to be a stumbling, collapsing mess in front of someone he cared so much to impress or at least not embarrass himself in front of. Alastair’s eyes narrowed, not a glare, but a look that said stop lying.

  “Thomas you all but collapsed in front of me and you’re saying there’s nothing wrong?” Thomas let out a small noise. “James and Matthew are shagging.” Alastair’s eyebrows shot up. That was obviously not what he was expecting, Thomas laughed. “And this affects you and I how?” I close my eyes, the pain radiating and pulsing in my head. 

   “I needed his medicine.” I explain quietly trying to show him he needed to be quiet. He seemed to take the message because the next time he spoke it was significantly quieter. “Thomas what medicine?” Thomas furrowed his brows trying to think of the name giving up quickly when that just made the pain in his head worse. He really really hated migraines.

   “Thomas,” Alastair said, now kneeling in front of Thomas. He looked slightly desperate and Thomas took a moment to appreciate that he had never seen Alastair look like that before. “Thomas come on what medicine.” I pat his shoulder and stand up shakily. “It’s alright I actually meant to go to Lucie’s room.” 

   Alasatir gave him a serious look and took his hand gently leading him inside the cold hotel room. “Thomas just come here and what medicine do you need?” Thomas didn’t even try to fight him, knowing Alastair was too stubborn to let him go easily. He was attempting to ignore the fact that his head was steadily getting worse and how his stomach was flipping dangerously. “Migraine.” Thomas said simply, answering Alastair’s question as best he could. Alastair looked at him wearily. 

   “Is that what’s going on? You have a migraine?” Thomas nodded and that was all it took to push him overboard. Thomas gasped and stood up quickly stumbling to the bathroom and barely making it in time to empty out his stomach in the toilet. He felt a hand on his back and soothing words but the burn in his throat and throbbing in his head was all he could think about.

   “Thomas, I’m going to go get some medicine okay? Do you want me to stay or are you going to be okay for a minute?” Thomas just groaned in response and continued emptying his stomach contents. He honestly didn’t believe he had much in his stomach because he hadn’t eaten much that day but he was being proven wrong.

   He felt the hand leave his back and he threw up a little more before sitting back and resting his back on the bathtub. Thomas groaned in embarrassment when he realized that not only had he accidentally come to Alastair’s room, collapsed in front of him, and was dragged into his room, but he had also thrown up in front of him.

   Thomas didn’t get much time to ponder that thought because Alastair came back with pills and water. His face was calm but his eyes were slightly panicked. Thomas wondered if he was the only one who could see it or if Alastair just showed it obviously.

   Thomas took the water gratefully and drank it quickly, onl stopping when Alastair put a hand on his and carefully lowered it, taking the glass with it. “I brought you some medicine too. It’s not migraine medicine but it should help a little.” Thomas nodded, head still throbbing and took the small pills Alastair had offered him. He threw them back easily and swallowed them dry, taking the drink back from Alastair’s frozen hand.

   Alastair was watching him with a dark look in his eyes, something Thomas couldn’t place but he knew it wasn’t bad. Not the kind of look Alastair had when he thought Thomas was drunk. Thomas shuddered and finished the water. Alastair helped him up and put his arm around Thomas’ waist to keep him steady.

   Thomas flopped on the bed, not unlike he had earlier that night and sighed. His stomach didn’t feel as bad but his head was still pounding. Alastair sighed and sat up against the headboard, holding his arm out, inviting Thomas closer. 

   Thomas didn’t have to be told twice. He all but collapsed on Alastair’s lap. Thomas hummed contentedly as Alastair ran his fingers through his hair. Thomas grunted when he couldn’t find a comfortable position with his sunglasses off. Alastair gently tugged his glasses off and Thomas groaned as a new wave of pain hit him when his eyes saw the light. Alastair quickly blocked the light with his hand and leaned over to turn off the lamp.

   The room was plunged into darkness and Thomas just cuddled deeper into Alastair’s lap. He could vaguely remember that this wasn’t his room and he shouldn’t be doing this but need to sleep, most likely due to the pills, was overwaying his ability to freak out properly. When Alastair started humming he couldn’t keep himself aware of much anymore. 

   One thing Thomas was aware of was the fact that Alastair’s fingers felt good in his hair. Thomas wondered what it felt like to run his fingers through Alastair’s hair. To bring his face closer. To kiss him. 

   There were so many things he wanted to do and a massive inability to do any of it. Thomas was decidedly ready to tell Alastair how he felt. If he were any more awake he might have even done it right then, but he knew he was far too gone to do it.

   Thomas listened to Alastair’s quiet humming and decided that he would tell him over a song. Thomas shifted slightly so his head was resting more on Alastair’s thigh and smiled tiredly. “Alastair?” The man in question made a noise in place of an answer. “I’m going to sing my song.” He realized too late that that probably made no sense whatsoever but it seemed Alastair understood because he beamed at Thomas and ruffled his hair slightly. “I’m glad. I love hearing you sing. I’m proud of you for deciding to do it.” 

   Thomas hummed non-committedly. “Only for you.” He mumbled before his eyes slipped closed against his will and his mind gave way to dreams. He could have sworn right before he fell asleep that he felt someone kiss his head, but he chalked it up to sleep and want.

[cherrytdatt]

Sadness Ritual pt. 3

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Word count: ~3.6k

Summary: Will Harrison's engagement party solve things between Y/N and Tom?

Warnings: N-O-T-H-I-N-G!

A/N: PART 3 IS HERE!!! after struggling a lot I finally did it. Part of this was inspired by the engagement scene in 'set it up' also know as my favorite rom-com ever so think about that vibe! I hope you guys like it. I really liked.

Playlist: No playlist...I heard so many things...It was a rollercoaster!

Part 1 | Part 2

Three months ago, at 3 am, Tom stood in your kitchen and said the words you wished for months to hear from him. And yet, you felt your entire chest hurt, and you couldn't look at him. You sent him home, and since then, you didn't see him again. But now, the inevitable was coming. Anna and Harrison's engagement party is in one day. You're the maid of honor, and Tom is the best man. Anna asked you if you would be okay seeing him again and, to be honest, you don't know, but it’s her engagement party. You won't deny the presence of her fianceé's best friend and best man.

"Ready for the party?" Anna asked while you two looked at some dresses in some store.

The party would be something small, just family and friends, in Tom's backyard. You wanted to help, but going to Tom's house, knowing he would be there, wasn't in your plans.

"Yeah! I'm so happy for you. And Harrison. Since your first date, I knew you two would get married," you said with a smile. "I remember I said I would be a shitty maid of honor," you said with a laugh. "And Tom said he would be a great best man," your smile faded a little when you thought about Tom.

"Did you talk to him?" Anna asked, already knowing the answer.

"No," you said simply.

"Harrison said he's feeling better, but still misses you," Anna said with a weak voice.

You cleared your throat. "I miss him too," you said almost in a whisper.

"Why don't you talk to him?" she asked.

"I don't know. Things got pretty bad between us. I'm still sad with him, and I'm sure he is sad with me too," you said, and the sadness in your voice was almost palpable.

"I'm sure he forgave you. And I think you already forgave him. You're just afraid," she said.

"Maybe. Let's see how mad I'll be when I see him tomorrow," you chuckled, but your voice was still sad. "D-do you...hum...do know what happened...to the girl?

"Oh, please! He ended things with her the morning after your fight, and never saw her again," Anna said.

"What you think of these?" you asked, putting a black floral dress in front of you, and changing the subject to hide how happy that information made you.

"Loved," she said animatedly.

"I'll try it," you said, going into the dressing room.

You didn't wanna think about Tom and all the situation now, but the talk with Anna got stuck into your head. 'He still misses you'. Her voice was louder and clearer than when you talked. You decided to buy the black dress for Anna's party. Thank God she chose a very casual party, so you could go with comfortable clothes.

"I see you tomorrow," Anna said goodbye, leaving you in front of your building.

You got into your apartment, still thinking about your talk with her. You missed Tom, more than anything in your life, but every time you thought about those pictures, and the fact that he did all that even though he liked you, you felt a strange and bitter feeling in your stomach. All you wanted was to talk to him and solve things, but you felt so afraid of what he would do and what he was willing to do to make things better. 

You used the rest of your night writing some essays you had to finish this week and watching some comedy on TV.

'Hey. How are you? I just wanna say that I can't wait to see you tomorrow. And I want you to know that I'm cool if you decide not to talk with me. I just want you to be okay 🙂' Tom's message took your attention away from the TV. You stared at the text, not knowing what to say. Of course, you wanted to see him, but talk to him would be the best thing? You really didn't know.

'Hi. I'm great. And you? I'm okay talking to you tomorrow,' you typed, throwing the phone on the other side of the couch like it was a bomb ready to explode. "Fuck!" you said, noticing the smile that appeared in your face.

'I'm good. That's good. I miss talking to you. How crazy it is that our friends are getting married?!@#$' The bleep from your phone made you smile again, and you reached for it, reading his text.

'Crazy as shit! We're not old enough for this,' you ignored the first half of the text on purpose. You missed him, but you weren't ready to let him know that yet.

'I keep saying this to Harrison, but he doesn't listen to me lol. But they love each other very much. Harrison showed me his speech, and I cried like a baby,' he said, and you laughed, remembering how easy it was for him to cry. He had a playlist just for that.

'Well, It's not that hard to make you cry lol. I chose not to hear Anna's speech. I wanted to be a surprise,' you confessed. She told you it would be very emotional, so you decided to enjoy with everyone else at the party.

'I don't cry that easily. I didn't even cry in my last movie,' he said, and you remembered you didn't watch the movie with him because the release happened when you were not talking.

'Congratulations on the movie, btw. I heard it's very good,' you said, confessing you didn't watch it. The real reason for you not to watch you weren't confessing. You didn't wanna hear see him or hear his voice. It was too painful.

'You didn't watch it yet? 😱' he asked, and you could see the shocked and offended look on his face.

'I'm sorry. I didn't have time,' you lied.

'We need to change this! This is unacceptable!' he said, and you wanted to invite him over to solve things once and for all. You wanted to sit in front of the TV, with Tom by your side, like you always did, and watch as many movies as possible.

'I'm going to bed now. See you tomorrow at the party,' you cut him off before he could ask anything else, and Tom noticed that. Because in one minute he was smiling at his cellphone, just about to ask you to watch a movie with him, and now he was staring at your last text, questioning everything he could've said or done to make things different.

"Hey, mate. Are you okay?" Harry asked, entering the TV room, and seeing his brother with a weird face, ignoring the TV.

"Yeah. Just...talked to Y/N," he said, pointing at his phone.

"Really? How did it go?" Harry asked, genuinely interested. He saw his brother whining and moping around the house for the last three months. After the pictures got released, Tom freaked out. He had to go to therapy, you stopped coming to their house, and he wasn't that cheerful guy anymore. Now, he was in a good place. Not like before, but he was getting there. And talk to you was the last step to make everything go back to normal.

"It was going back to normal, but then she shut me down. Not aggressively. She just didn't give me the opportunity to make things as normal as before," he said.

"Oh! I'm sorry, man. But that is better than nothing, right?" Harry shrugged. "And you are seeing her tomorrow. Who knows what can happen?" he smiled, and his brother did the same.

To say that this night was hard was an understatement. Tom couldn't sleep. He scrolled through his entire timeline on Instagram, watched a movie, then another one, ate, played video game, and when there was nothing else to do, he decided that 5am was a good time to go to the gym. But not even that helped him relax. He could feel every fiber in his body suffering from anxiety. Tea with his mom after lunch was the only thing that kept his mind calm for a few hours. After that, he went home to get ready for the party. 

There was no set of clothes in his closet that worked. Nothing was good enough. "Hey..." Anna called him from the door. "Want some help?" she offered.

"No. I know you have other things to do. I don't wanna bother you," he said with a smile.

"Not a chance. Everything is settled and I'm ready. Harrison is the one taking forever," she rolled her eyes. "I can help you," she said, getting into his room, and sitting in his bed. "What are your choices?" she asked.

"I don't have any," he scratched his neck, a little embarrassed.

"I think I know what to do," she said, getting up and going through his closet. "It will be simple..." she said, picking up a black pair of jeans and throwing at him. "But very cute..." she picked a black shirt.

"How can a black shirt with a black pair of jeans be cute?" he asked, looking at the clothes she gave him.

"Please..." she rolled her eyes. "You'll look cute," she picked a black cardigan, that he rarely used, and gave it to him. "And will match with the maid of honor, cause she's wearing black too," she finally gave him a white sneaker and a pair of glasses that he liked to use as a fashion statement.

"I'll match the maid of honor?" he asked, biting his bottom lip, trying not to smile.

"Perfectly!" Anna said with a happy smile.

Tom looked at the ground. "I talked to her yesterday," he said, putting the clothes on the bed before Anna could leave.

"And?" Anna said expectantly.

"I was just telling her she didn't need to talk to me today if she didn't want to. But, she said she was okay talking to me," his shrug was trying to sound like he didn't care, but his smile was showing the truth.

"I think you two will work things out," Anna said with a smile, leaning in the doorway.

"I hope so. I miss her so much, it's physically painful sometimes," he confessed with a sad voice.

"I know. I'm rooting for you," Anna said, going to him, and giving him a hug.

"Thanks," he said, and she smiled, leaving him alone.

Soon, the house was getting crowded. The backyard was decorated with fairy lights and wooden furniture. The waiters and waitresses walked around the house, serving beer and pizza.

Tom tried to distract himself, talking to as many people as he could. His mom, dad, and brothers were there since they were practically Harrison's family. His mom was feeling his son's anxiety.

"Are you okay?" she whispered to him.

"Great," he said, but his voice sounded anxious. He kept moving his weight from one foot to another. "She'll be here soon," he said.

"I know. And you'll let her be. Otherwise, you'll scare her," she said.

"Yeah...sure," he agreed. He glanced at the door as he did at least fifty times in the last hour, and for his surprise, this time you were there, taking off your jacket, revealing the black floral dress Anna said you would wear. And you two were matching. Tom's smile grew wilder unconsciously. You talked to some guests that were inside the house and then went outside, joining Anna and Harrison. You looked like an angel. Tom couldn't believe he survived all this time away from you. You looked at him for a second, and he saw Anna whispering something to you. You smiled, widely, and Tom felt like he had won the night.

You walked toward him, going to talk to his family. You didn't see Nikki for so long. You missed drinking tea with her, talking about your life, asking for advice.

"Hey, Ms. Holland," you greeted her.

"Hi, sweetie. Long time, no see,' she said, hugging you.

"Yeah. I was...busy," you said, looking at Tom for a split second and then to her again.

"I imagined. How is everything going? College. Work. Life?" she asked.

"Pretty much the same. I meant to call you a few times in the last months, but I didn't wanna bother you," you said sincerely. You really thought about calling and talking to her.

"Don't be silly. I would've loved talking to you," she said with a kind smile. "Let's have lunch this week. What do you think?"

"I would like that very much," you said, relieved that she didn't hate you after all the drama.

"Dom, look who is here," she said, calling her husband's attention. He said goodbye to the person he was talking to, engaging in conversation with you two. Sometimes your eyes met Tom's, and he noticed a sparkle in them every time you did. He didn't say anything while you were talking to his parents. He didn't want to upset you. "If you excuse us, darling, we're gonna talk to some friends," Nikki said, caressing your arm.

"Sure, go ahead," you said with a smile. They left, and it was just you and Tom.

"Hi," he said softly, trying to contain his excitement.

"Hey," you said, scratching the label of the bottle you were holding, anxiously.

"You look really good," he said, drinking a sip of his beer after.

"Thanks. You too," you were avoiding his eyes.

"Anna helped me choose this," he pointed to his clothes.

"It looks good," you smiled, finally looking in his eyes.

Tom couldn't hold it anymore. His mind wanted to keep it cool, but his mouth was faster. "I miss you. Everyday," he said. You looked at him, and all your worries were dead. All you could think was how much you missed him and how much you wanted him back in your life.

"I..." you started.

"Okay, everyone...it's toast time," Anna said clinking her glass with a fork. You and Tom looked at each other. Tom was afraid he had ruined his only chance. You were sad cause you couldn't tell him you missed him too.

"I'll go first," Harrison said, and some people cheered. "So...Anna. What can I talk about Anna?" he joked. "I'm kidding. I'll just say that the first time Y/N brought you around," he looked at you, raising his bottle, and you smiled. "That day, I knew I would marry you. I didn't say anything cause we were all friends, and I didn't want to scare you. But then, we were watching England's game at the 2018 World Cup, and when we lost, you cried. At that moment, I knew I had do something to make you mine, cause we were made for each other. Two months later I asked you out, and we started dating. Now I'm happy to say that we're gonna cry over the English team together, forever," he said the last part, looking at her. Everyone around cheered and applauded them and Anna gave him a quick kiss.

"Okay, now it's my turn," Anna said, taking a step forward. She was a showoff. "Are you ready to cry?" she asked, looking at him, and he smiled, nodding. I thought I would never find someone that I loved enough to ignore their flaws and accept spending my life with them. Unlike from you, when we first met, I thought great eyes, great body," she laughed, looking at him. "We could be friends. I mean, Tom and Y/N were always together. It wasn't like we could ignore each other," she said, and you and Tom looked at each other. A bit of sadness in your eyes, thinking about how that part wasn't true anymore. "But then, I got to meet you better, I started to see your flaws, and yet, dislike you wasn't an option even if I tried. My grandma always said 'we like because...we love despite...' I like you because you're nice to me, you are my best friend and you always search for me in a room when someone tells something funny, just to see my reaction. And I love you despite you being the last one to get ready, your gym schedule, and all the times you yell 'Wonderwall' in my ear, even though you know I hate this song," she finished. Her eyes were glistening with tears, just like everybody else. It took a few seconds for people to start cheering and clapping them. Harrison hugged her, with a wide and bright smile.

"Great speech," you said, going to her and Harrison, and hugging them. Tom following right behind you.

"I almost cried again," Tom said, hugging Harrison.

"Almost?" Anna asked, her thumbs brushing the corner of his eyes, cleaning a tear that threatened to fall.

"It was a really good speech," he defended himself.

"Thanks," she smiled. "We're gonna talk to...some people. We see you guys later?" she said holding your hand, and you and Tom nodded.

"We're gonna eat something," he said, resting his hand on your lower back, and they left. "Can we talk?" he asked, once Harrison and Anna left.

 "Yeah, sure!" you said, and he noticed the anxiety in your voice. At least he wasn't the only one that was afraid.

He walked to his room, opening the door so you could go in first. You walked to the window, looking at the party that was happening downstairs.

"It looks really good from here," you said. "They are so happy," you smiled, watching Harrison and Anna dance together.

"I'm happy to see you," he said, cutting you off. "I've missed you. Everyone did," his hands were in his pockets, and he was trying to stay calm even though his heart was loud in his ear.

"I missed everyone too. It was good to see your mom," you said, fidgeting with the fabric of your dress. The room went silent. Tom didn't wanna push you, but he wanted to be with you and talk like before. Maybe he didn't think this through. The only noise was the music from the party. "I'm sorry," you said, taking a step forward, and Tom looked at you, waiting. You were nervous. "I'm sorry for pushing you away the way I did," your voice was heavy. "We were both sad and broken-hearted, and I was selfish. I only thought about the pain I was feeling. I'm sorry for ignoring your feelings," you said, and Tom felt his heart beating faster. He never thought about that night this way. He always thought about how much pain he caused you and how guilty he was feeling.

"I should've talked to you. I was so focused on the reasons why we couldn't be together," Tom said, taking a step in your direction. "I never thought about the reasons why we could," he confessed. These last three months he thought a lot about what he did wrong, and not talking to you sooner, giving you the chance to decide if you two could work, was his biggest mistake. "I was a coward. With you, with me, with that girl," his voice was trembling. "And I regret every day for what I did," he finished. You were looking at him, and your expression was unreadable. Even for him, that knew you for half of his life.

"I love you, and I," you started, but then you stopped. Your eyes blinking heavily. "I love you," you repeated after a few seconds, touching your lips with your fingers, looking away from him. It was like you could touch every word. "I...I love you!" you said like you just realized that. You had told him that before, but you were so hurt that you never let yourself feel that completely. Now, standing here, with nothing in your way, that was all you could feel. "I love you..." you smiled, looking at Tom that still had a lost look in his face. "I love you!" you said one last time like you were declaring your feelings for him.

Without giving you a chance to say it again, Tom walked the two steps that were keeping you apart, holding your face in his hands, and kissing you. It was urgent and frantic at first, but then you felt your heart slowing down and it was like the entire world was in slow motion. Your hand went to his waist, holding his sweater, while his fingers tangled in your hair, one of his hands holding your neck, deepening, even more, the kiss.

"I love you too," he whispered against your lips, breaking the kiss. He smiled, looking into your eyes. "And I really think we should go on a date."

~

1 year and 7 months later...

"Lunch is ready," Sam called from the kitchen, and soon footsteps and a door closing were heard upstairs.

"Y/N! You're cheating!" Tom yelled.

"Stop whining. I just closed the door!" you yelled back, running down the stair.

"Racing again?" Sam asked, seeing you enter the kitchen breathless.

"He said he would clean the room if I won," you shrugged. You yelped, feeling Tom lifting you up by the waist. "NO! PUT ME DOWN!" you yelled. 

"You cheated!" he said, carrying you to the backyard and locking you out. He pointed and laughed at you through the glass door.

"I can't believe you are doing this. Let me in. I'm hungry!" you said, crossing your arms on your chest.

"If you wanna get in you'll have to do three things first," he said.

"They are being idiots again?" Harry asked entering the kitchen and seeing you two.

"What's going on?" Harrison asked, and Harry pointed to the glass door.

"Idiots," Anna said sitting on a chair around the dinner table.

"What three things?" you asked.

"First, you'll apologize for cheating," he said and you rolled your eyes. "Second, you'll help me clean the room. And third," he put his hand on his pocket, taking out a black velvet box. He opened the box, revealing a ring, and your eyes grew wider, noticing what was happening. "Marry me?" he said, and you covered your mouth in shock, just like everyone else behind him.

"Yes!" you said, feeling your eyes burning. "Yesyesyes!" you repeated, nodding frantically, while he opened the door, pulling you into a hug.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

[trashinaglass-archive]

Make It Work

Tom and Y/n have to plan a wedding but have no time together.

Request: Hi can you do an imagine with Tom where him and the reader have been dating for a while and are engaged but they are both famous so it’s been rough to find time to be together and plan the wedding and they get frustrated with each other and fight and he goes to RDJ for advice and she goes to his mom and rumors start flying but it ends in fluff? Thank you btw! I love your writing!!!

A/n: A. Concept.

Thanks for the request! It was fun to write.

I tweaked it jussst a little bit where reader isn’t famous, has the regular 9-5, because I imagine that would be more frustrating bc she has time but he doesn’t so she has to sit around waiting for him. Hope that’s okay. You can totally attack me if it’s not, I understand😂

     Seven months ago, the love of your life proposed to you. Tom was the best guy you had ever met. He was a literal angel sent from above, and you were over the moon that he loved you as much as you loved him. You wouldn’t change anything about him except for one thing- his schedule. He was always super busy, being one of the world’s favorite movie stars does that sometimes.

     Being engaged, you had a lot to plan. A ceremony, a reception, a guest list, dresses and suits, and so much more; Although you loved weddings and you were so excited for your own, you didn’t want to do any of this by yourself. You wanted Tom to be apart of the process- maybe he didn’t care about as much as you do, but you’d still like his opinion and support.

     You were sitting at a table eating lunch at work as you looked at some wedding stuff. You were currently thinking about the cakes, your bridal cake and Tom’s groom’s cake. You talked to some girls you work with asking them about their wedding cakes and where they got them. You narrowed your choices down to three. You wanted to schedule a day that you and Tom could do a cake tasting to decide what you wanted.

     You pulled your phone out to call Tom, hoping he would be able to give you an actual answer. Every time you try to talk to him about the wedding planning or ask him questions, he always answers with ‘I don’t know right now’ or ‘I’ll think about it’ or ‘I’ll tell you later’. It was so frustrating.

     “Hey, darling,” Tom answered the phone. “What’s up?”

     “Hey, when are you going to be home? You said sometime next week, right?” You asked him.

     “Yeah, about that. There was a problem with something so our schedule got pushed back. I won’t be able to make it for another month or two.”

     “Tom,” you asked in shock. He told you earlier this week that he would have a few days off next week, and you would be able to get some of your planning done.

     “Babe, I’m sorry. I can’t help when this stuff happens,” Tom told you. You began to feel annoyed, not wanting to talk anymore but not hanging up the phone either. “What was happening- why did I need to be home next week.”

     “I was looking at some cake stuff, and I wanted to schedule a day to go to these bakeries for cake tastings, but I’ll guess to put that off for another month too.” You felt your eyes begin to well up with a few tears. You were suppose to have fun planning your wedding, not postpone and push planning back because your fiancé can’t get away from his job for two seconds.

     “Y/n, it’s cake. Just pick something and move on,” Tom told you.

     “Tom, you can’t just call up a bakery and everything be great. Some places have shitty cake so we have to go to the place and make sure we actually like their recipes. We have to pick flavors. You have a groom’s cake- you have to choose what you want that to look like. I don’t know if you want Spider-Man or golf or what. I can’t just pick something, Tom. I have to make decisions and it would be much more helpful if I had a fiancé that was willing to help me,” you huffed out.

     “I am more than willing to help you, but I have responsibilities and a job to do. I can’t just walk away because my girlfriend can’t chose a fucking cake flavor. Stop being so ridiculous, y/n.” You felt a tear fall from hearing him so mean towards you.

     “You could at least act like you care,” you said, voice cracking slightly.

     “I do care, y/n, but I can-“ Tom started to say before you cut him off.

     “But you can’t be available for me. I get it, go back to your work that’s obviously way more important than your fiancée and your wedding,” you said before hanging up the phone. You saw Tom’s name flash across the screen calling you back. You denied the call and immediately turned your phone off, going back to work.

// Tom pov //

     Tom tried to call back and rolled his eyes when he realized you had shut your phone off. He couldn’t believe how childish you were being. You were upset with him because of cake? It’s ridiculous. He walked toward the catering on set and sat down at the table with Robert, Zendaya, and Jacob. They immediately noticed how pissed off he was.

     “What happened?” Jacob asked him.

     “Y/n called me- I told her I wouldn’t be home for a while because of scheduling and she freaked out because she needs me to be with her to taste cakes. It’s stupid. She’s acting like a bratty little kid,” Tom ranted to his friends and costars. “She hung up on me and turned her phone off.”

     “Wow,” Zendaya said in disbelief. “You don’t realize how wrong you are, do you?” Tom threw his hands up in confusion.

     “What am I doing wrong? It’s a fucking cake- we all know what cake tastes like,” Tom tried to defend himself before looking to Robert. “You’re the married one- Isn’t she being ridiculous acting like this over cake?”

     “Tom, it isn’t about the cake,” he said as he tried to get Tom to understand. “This is something that happens once in a lifetime. That girl has probably dreamed about getting married and having a wedding since she was little. She wants her day to be perfect, and she wants to plan it with her betrothed by her side. She wants to share this time with you- have fond memories to look back on, and you aren’t giving her that. You’ve been engaged for seven months, and how much have you done to participate in planning your wedding?”

     “Nothing,” Tom said as he sighed in defeat.

     “And that shows her that you don’t care. I know you care- all of us know you care, but you need to show y/n that you do because that’s all that matters.”

     “What am I suppose to do though? This is still my job. I can’t get on a flight every time she asks me to.”

     “But she’s also a priority, your highest priority, and you have to schedule time for her- exclusively for her,” Zendaya said. “Don’t let work keep you from giving her the time and attention she deserves, that you both deserve.”

     “You should talk to Jon,” Jacob chimed in. “He’s not heartless, I’m sure he’d give you time to be with her if you need it. And looking at what I just saw, I’d say you really need it.”

     Tom clinched his jaw as he thought about what his friends told him. He nodded his head before taking a deep breath.

     “Right, I’ll go do that now,” Tom said as he stood up. “Thanks for the advice, guys.”

     “Let me know how it goes,” Robert requested. Tom nodded his head telling him he would and walked to find the director of the film.

// Your pov //

     You were finishing up your shift at work before heading to Tom’s family home to have dinner. His family was always so welcoming and loving to you, they often invited you to join them for dinner and tonight was one of those nights.

     You were still upset with Tom from your conversation earlier. You can understand that he wasn’t able to come home due to scheduling, but it was almost like he wasn’t willing to try and make time to be with you. Whatever they told him was it, no questions or comments about it. It was super frustrating but it is what it is, you guess.

     You turn your phone back on as you walked to the parking lot and to your car. You saw you had three missed calls from Tom and a text.

Thomas❤️: Call me when you decide to turn your phone back on

     You could almost hear the attitude behind the words. You checked your other notifications before putting your phone in your pocket and driving away. You pulled into Nikki and Dom’s driveway, walking into the house and heading straight for the kitchen.

     “Hey, y/n,” Paddy said as he saw you first. He was sitting at the table doing his homework while Nikki was cooking dinner.

     “Hey, Paddy. Nikki,” you greeted as you placed your bag on one of the chairs.

     “Hi, darling. How are you?” She asked.

     “I’m good- glad the days almost over. Can I help you with anything?” You offered.

     “No, I got it. Thank you though,” she replied with a smile. “Had a bad day?”

     You sat in the chair across from Paddy as you talked to Nikki. You lightly shook your head before venting to your soon-to-be mother in law, if Tom could show his face and plan a wedding.

     “I got in an argument with Tom and...” you began to say. You sighed as you thought of the right words to tell her. “I feel like he doesn’t care about trying to have a wedding. Like he’d rather just show up and get it over with, and I don’t want that, you know? I mean, I understand girls are always more excited for weddings than boys, but he could at least pretend he cares.”

     “What did he do?” Paddy asked. You felt bad talking badly about his brother in front of him because you knew how much he looked up to Tom.

     “He told me that I was being ridiculous because I want him to be involved with the wedding planning,” you answered looking toward Nikki as you finished your sentence.

     “He doesn’t mean it, y/n. He loves you, and I’m sure he wants that just as much as you do but he’s probably wrapped up in work and filming. He can’t drop that whenever he wants. I wish it was easier for you but that’s life.”

     “Yeah,” you said softly. “It’s just so frustrating when he says he can come home one week but changes it the next. I can’t do anything with that.”

     “I know, darling. But just remember, this is just a moment in time. Soon, you’ll be married and happy,” Nikki started to say.

     “And then you’ll only have to worry about if he put the toilet seat down or not,” Paddy chimed in making you and Nikki laugh.

     “Exactly,” Nikki said pointing to Paddy. “Don’t stress yourself out trying to get everything planned. Enjoy yourself and this time you have because before you know it, you’ll be walking down that isle and it’ll be a brand new day from there. New memories, new challenges, new arguments, new achievements- think about that when you get upset with him because that’s why you’re doing all this, that’s why it matters to you.”

     “Thanks, Nikki,” you told her. She always knew exactly what to say to make you feel better. You were so grateful that, along with a great boyfriend and fiancé, you also gained an amazing family that loved and supported you as if you were their own.

     Three days later, you were at work filling out paperwork. You hadn’t talked to Tom since the argument- you always missed him when he called and he always missed you when you called. It was frustrating, but you reminded yourself of Nikki’s words and it made you feel better.

     “Excuse me,” you heard a voice say. “I was looking for someone- about yea-high, (your color) hair, (your color) eyes, a bit temperamental but hot as fuck.” You were so focused on your work, you didn’t even recognize the voice until you looked up, seeing Tom standing in front of you.

     “Tom,” you gasped in surprise as you stood up, walking around the desk and hugging him. He held you tightly, rubbing your back as he buried his face in your neck.

     “What are doing here?” You asked as you pulled away from him. He wiped your eyes as a few tears escaped.

     “I talked to Jon,” he started to tell you. “When you hung up the phone, I was so upset with you- I won’t deny that, but I spoke to Robert and he told me how much of an asshole I was being. And I went straight to Jon and told him I needed to be with you for a while. I’m sorry for being such a dick, and I promise I’ll make up for it. I love you, and I want to help you plan for the wedding- from cakes to colors, even down to the napkins. I want to be with you and help you and support you. If you still want me too, at least.”

     “That’s all I wanted,” you told him before looking down. “I’m sorry, too. You have a crazy schedule, and I can’t expect to be the top priority every time. I didn’t mean to stress you out or upset you when you really couldn’t get here.”

     “That’s my job,” Tom started to say. “But my job is also to treat you the way you deserve and be there for you. That is my top priority from now on. You are my top priority. I can’t promise I’ll be able to drop everything at a moment’s notice, but I do promise to make an effort for you.” Tom reached out to grab you again, pulling you to him for another hug. “I love you, y/n,” he said placing a kiss to your head.

     “I love you, Tom.”

I don’t know who the hell is in charge on movie sets but I’ll stick with Jon bc he’s the only one I know.

[thelastspeecher]

Superhero/villain AU - Baby Daddy Drama

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a ficlet!  I’ve been busy, haven’t had time to write up ficlets.  But I have a bit of a break right now, and since I won’t be posting the next chapter of Recoil until tomorrow (I decided I needed to edit it more), here’s some stuff I wrote up today.  I’ve danced around Tate’s role in the Superhero/villain AU, mostly because I couldn’t figure out the circumstances behind how he comes to be.  But I finally figured it out, so behold!  Tate McGucket’s origin story.

(Btw, I forgot to mention, but like in most of my nonsense, Fidds is trans in this)

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              “They’re down,” Stan said, walking into the living room. Ford looked up from his book.

              “Good.  That took a bit longer than usual.”

              “Eh.”  Stan joined Ford on the couch.  “Thanks for letting us chill at your place for a while.”

              “No problem.  May I ask why, though?”

              “Fidds had a baby today,” Stan said casually. Ford’s eyes widened.  “Angie went to go see him and the baby, but we figured that we’d wait a couple days before the girls met their new cousin.  They can be hell on wheels, after all.”  Ford chuckled.

              “That’s an apt descriptor of them, yes.”  Stan’s cellphone dinged.  He dug it out of his pocket.  “Is that an update from Angie?”

              “Yep.”  Stan grinned at his phone.  “And a picture.  Aw, that’s a cute kid.  Not as cute as the girls, y’know, but still.  Pretty damn-”  His phone chimed again.  Stan’s face went slack.

              “Stan?” Ford asked, after a few moments passed in silence.

              “Shit,” Stan whispered.  He looked up at Ford.  “Ford…”

              “Yes?”

              “You- uh- nine months ago, you and Fidds didn’t-” Stan rubbed his face.  Ford felt dread begin to build in his gut.  “You guys didn’t knock boots or something, did you?”

              “Wh- my sexual history is none of your concern,” Ford blustered, trying to mask his growing unease.  Stan pinched the bridge of his nose.

              “No, I think it is right now.  Fidds’ kid has twelve fingers.”  A heavy weight settled in Ford’s stomach.

              “Pardon?” he asked.  Stan silently handed him his phone.  Ford looked down at the messages Angie had sent.  The first was a picture of a newborn swaddled in a white blanket, with a large nose like Fiddleford’s and thick, dark brown hair.  Immediately after the picture was a text.

              “Tate here has twelve fingers…” Stan’s phone chimed and buzzed as another text arrived from Angie.  “Fidds won’t say who the other parent is, but I don’t need your mom’s power to figure it out.  You need to talk to Ford right away.”  Ford swallowed and returned Stan’s phone.

              “I didn’t even realize he was expecting.  He didn’t tell me.”

              “Why?  He told everyone else.”

              “I- when we-”  Ford looked away, feeling a flush beginning to creep onto his face.  “I was very…emotionally vulnerable that night. Maybe he was worried about how I’d react.”  Stan was silent.  “As for why he won’t tell anyone outright who helped to- to conceive-”

              “Seems pretty dumb, since it’s obvious,” Stan muttered.

              “I assume Lute is there?”

              “…Yeah.”

              “He probably wants to spare Lute’s feelings.” Ford looked at Stan again.  Stan rubbed his face.  “I mean…”

              “Okay, yeah, you and Lute used to date, which is…really awkward for all this, but Lute’s not an idiot, and Fidds knows that. Lute can figure it out.  Why the hell would he keep his mouth shut when it’s this obvious?”  A strange look crossed Stan’s face.  “…Ford.”

              “Yes?”

              “When did you and Lute break up?” Stan asked in a dangerous tone.

              “…Nine months ago.”

              “Son of a-”  Stan put his head in his hands.  “Please tell me that what I’m thinking is wrong.  Please tell me you didn’t rebound from my brother-in-law by sleeping with one of my other brothers-in-law.”

              “If I was good at lying, I would,” Ford said softly. Stan let out a loud groan. “Look-”

              “Okay, how soon after the breakup did you two sleep together?” Stan interrupted.  Ford was silent.  “Stanford.”

              “That night.”

              “That night?!”  Stan whipped his head up to stare at Ford.  “Holy fucking shit, really?  While Lute was crying over the breakup, sitting on my couch and eating my ice cream, you were banging his older brother?  Son of a bitch, Sixer, the McGuckets aren’t the only family with twiggy, big-nosed farm boys!”

              “I- Fiddleford was visiting, we were reminiscing about our college days, and-”  Ford looked down at his book, still open on his lap.  “Even though Lute and I parted on amicable terms, I was still emotionally vulnerable.  Fiddleford offered me comfort and one thing led to another and-”

              “You do realize he’s gonna kill you, right?” Stan asked flatly.  “The day you two broke up, you slept with his brother.  And you didn’t just sleep with his brother, you got his brother pregnant!”

              “I didn’t know about that last part!” Ford snapped, slamming his book shut.

              “That doesn’t make the rest of it hunky-dory!” Stan shot back.

              “You’re not exactly one to criticize me for who I sleep with!”

              “God fucking-”  Stan ran a hand through his hair, which was beginning to smoke.  “You are not gonna bring me and Angie into this!  We made a shitty decision, yeah, but it wasn’t half as shitty as yours!”

              “You were archnemeses!”

              “You slept with your ex-boyfriend’s older brother the day you broke up!” Stan thundered.  He shook his head.  “God, my three-year-old daughters can tell right from wrong, but I need to explain to you why what you did was bad?”

              “I just- I don’t hear any of this vitriol being sent Fiddleford’s direction,” Ford stammered.  He could feel himself running out of steam, guilt beginning to replace his rage.

              “Two things.  First, he’s not fucking here.  Second, he just had a baby.  I’ll wait for him to be out of the damn hospital before I yell at him.”

              “How considerate,” Ford muttered.  Stan’s eyes narrowed.

              “Don’t get cute with me.”  He jabbed a finger at Ford’s chest.  Ford winced.  Stan was worked up enough that his powers were emerging; the jab felt like it was from a red-hot fire poker.  “You’re the one that fucked up here.  You couldn’t keep it in your pants long enough for the dust to settle from your breakup.  You and Fidds.  Lute’s not gonna be happy about this.”

              “You’re not going to tell him, are you?” Ford asked. Stan scowled.

              “Hell no.  But it doesn’t matter.  Underneath that blustery, overprotective twink exterior, Lute’s just as smart as Angie and Fidds.  He’ll be able to figure it out.  And he’s gonna be hurt.”  Ford felt his chest ache.  “He’s gonna be hurt that the ex-boyfriend he loved so much and parted on such good terms with slept with his brother.  And he’s gonna be hurt that his brother – the one he’s stood up for his whole life – would sleep with his ex-boyfriend.”  Ford slumped against the couch.  “He’s gonna use that anger of his to hide how much this whole thing hurts him.  He was so damned excited to have a new nephew to spoil, and now he knows how that nephew was made.”  Stan looked away.  “Lute and I might have started off rough, but we’re good now.  I’m not gonna be on your side this time.”  Stan stood up.  “I’m gonna take the girls and head home.”

              “But you just got them to nap.”

              “I don’t wanna be anywhere near you when Lute comes to your door demanding answers,” Stan said.  His voice was devoid of emotion.  “I sure don’t want my kids around.”  Stan’s phone chimed again.  Stan looked down at it.  His face hardened.  “Yep.”

              “What?” Ford asked weakly.  Stan shoved his phone in his pocket.

              “Lute figured it out.  He’s on his way.”

              “How bad-”

              “Count yourself lucky that he needs Angie’s help to make tornadoes.”  Stan began to head towards the room his daughters were napping in.  “You might wanna invest in some scuba gear, though.”

----- 

              The door opened to reveal Fiddleford, dressed in baggy clothes, a towel tossed over one shoulder.  Fiddleford rubbed the bags under his eyes.

              “I was expectin’ you at some point,” he said tiredly. Ford swallowed.

              “May- may I come in?”

              “By all means.”  Fiddleford stood to the side, allowing Ford to enter.  Ford had visited Fiddleford’s home a few times.  Each time, it had been somehow both cluttered and clean; every single one of the many pieces of machinery tucked away on some shelf or in a drawer somewhere.  Now, though, it was a mess.  Empty boxes for various baby-related items lined the hallway leading to the door.  In the far-off living room, Ford could see baby clothes and toys scattered on the floor.

              “How- how are you doing?” Ford asked softly as he stepped inside.  Fiddleford closed the door behind him with a shaky laugh.

              “I’ve got no clue how Stan ‘n Angie managed to deal with two at once.”  A shadow fell over Fiddleford’s face.  “Then again, no one in the fam’ly was just pretendin’ to be nice when they helped out with Danny ‘n Daisy.”

              “What do you mean?”

              “My folks are here,” Fiddleford said in a low voice. Ford’s mouth went dry.  “They wanted to stop by fer a couple days to help. And…well…once word spread about Tate’s parentage…”  Fiddleford trailed off.  “They’re goin’ easy on me right now, ‘cause I’m still a bit vulnerable.  But once I’m back to normal, I wouldn’t be surprised if my whole garden up and died, or if a freak windstorm dinged up the house.” Fiddleford sighed.  “Honestly, I wish they’d be upfront about their frustration. It’d be better than this fake cheerfulness.”

              “This seems rather…harsh,” Ford ventured cautiously. Fiddleford slumped against the wall, rubbing his face.

              “I wonder if their reactions would be dif’rent if we weren’t a fam’ly of villains.  The ‘no snitches, no traitors’ code runs deep.  And I’ve betrayed Lute.”  Fiddleford’s voice broke.  “My own brother.”

              “How is he?” Ford asked.  Fiddleford shook his head.

              “If I knew, I’d tell ya.  Within about five minutes of seein’ Tate up close, he stormed out.  Haven’t seen him since.  He’s- Lute ‘n Angie are awful sim’lar.  They struggle to keep their emotions under wraps, ‘specially in the heat of the moment. I get the feelin’ Lute knows he wouldn’t be able to control his powers if he spent time with me or Tate.  He might be fine if I got a bit scratched up, but he wouldn’t want Tate to get caught in the crossfire.”

              “It doesn’t help that Lute tends to use anger to mask his more vulnerable emotions.”

              “No.  It doesn’t.” Fiddleford bit his lip.  Finally, he let out a long sigh.  “Well, no point in delayin’ it.  Come meet the lil Tater Tot.”  Ford silently followed Fiddleford down the hall and into the living room. Mrs. McGucket sat in a rocking chair, holding a small bundle, while Mr. McGucket was tidying the room.  Mr. McGucket looked up at the sound of footsteps. His face twisted.

              “You!” he snarled, stomping over to Ford.  “Get out!”

              “Mr. McGucket, I just-”

              “Leave!  You broke my son’s heart and then broke it again!  Lute’s been devastated by this.”  Mr. McGucket shook his head.  “Can’t believe I was naïve enough to think that Stan would be the problem of the two of ya.”

              “Mr. McGucket-”

              “No arguin’, boyo.  Yer not welcome in this place.  Not after what you’ve done.”

              “Pa,” Fiddleford interjected.  “This is my home.  I let Stanford in.  He can stay until I kick him out.”  Mr. McGucket glared at Fiddleford.  The venom in his expression startled Ford.

              “If Lute hears-”

              “Mearl,” Mrs. McGucket said, still rocking back and forth in her chair.  “Stanford has a right to meet his son.”

              “Th-” Ford started.

              “Don’t thank me,” Mrs. McGucket said shortly. “Then I’d have to say you were welcome. And you aren’t.”  Ford’s body filled with ice at her vicious tone.  She got up from the chair and strode over. As she got closer, Ford could feel harsh, dry, hot wind biting where his skin was exposed.  Fiddleford looked at his mother, exasperated.

              “Ma.  Please cut that out.”

              “Hmph.”  Mrs. McGucket pursed her lips into a straight line, but the wind stopped.  “Hold out yer arms.”  Ford did as he was told.  Mrs. McGucket carefully deposited the bundle she was holding into his arms.  Ford felt his heart begin to race.  He carefully parted the infant’s bangs to reveal his eyes. Tate stared stoically at him, his eyes brown, rather than Fiddleford’s blue.

              “Hello, Tate,” Ford croaked.  Mr. and Mrs. McGucket exchanged a frustrated look before turning away and marching out of the room.  Ford swallowed the sudden lump in his throat.  “Fiddleford, I’m sorry that your parents are-”

              “We’re both to blame,” Fiddleford said.  He stroked Tate’s cheek with one finger.  “I refuse to let ya bear it all on yer own.” His voice was thick with emotion. Ford could only nod, unable to speak, the weight of everything that was happening finally crashing over him in full.

              “He’s very- he’s very handsome,” Ford managed, still staring at Tate.

              “I agree,” Fiddleford said softly.  Tate yawned widely.  Despite himself, Ford smiled.  He held out a finger.  Tate eagerly grabbed it with his hand.

              His six-fingered hand.  Ford had known Tate had twelve fingers like him, but actually seeing it in person was more than he could bear.  He let out a choked sob.

              “You all right?” Fiddleford asked.  Ford shook his head.  “What’s wrong?”

              “Well, my ex-boyfriend flooded my house, my sister-in-law refuses to let me in her house, my twin brother is following her lead, and the relationship I built with my sister-in-law’s family is crumbling.  And all of it is because of the conception and birth of my son.”  Ford closed his eyes.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

              “I hoped it wouldn’t be obvious whose he was,” Fiddleford said.  “I thought I might be able to get away with no one suspecting a thing.”

              “Polydactyly is dominant.  There was a 50% chance he’d be like me.”

              “And 50% chance he wouldn’t.”

              “I just- you were really going to keep me in the dark?” Ford asked softly.  “About my son?  You expected to raise him as a single parent, never telling me whose he was?”

              “I hadn’t planned that far ahead.  All’s I planned was keepin’ it a secret from Lute fer a while. Maybe until he’d found himself a new main squeeze.”

              “What if I had gotten back together with Lute? What then?”

              “I…”  Fiddleford looked away.  “Like I said. I didn’t plan nearly as far in advance as I should have.  I just wanted to keep Lute from gettin’ upset like he did.”

              “No matter how long you held off telling him, he would have been upset,” Ford pointed out.  Fiddleford sighed.

              “Yer right.”  He rubbed his forehead.  “All I can hope for now is that he cools off a bit.  Give the sit’ation some time, and maybe I can build up a relationship with him again.”  Tate began to fuss loudly.  “He’s prob’ly hungry.”

              “Oh.”  Ford handed Tate to Fiddleford.  “I- I should probably go.  I have some work to do at my mom’s place.”  Fiddleford cocked his head curiously.  “She was the only person willing to take me in while my house gets repaired.”

              “Ah.”

              “Even still, she’s pissed at me.  Stan told her what happened.”  Ford rubbed his forehead.  “It feels a bit like it’s just me against the world right now.  And rightfully so.”

              “I’ve been feelin’ the same way m’self,” Fiddleford said softly.  He took a hold of Ford’s hand and squeezed it.  “Don’t worry.  It might take a while, but things’ll blow over soon.”

              “Easy enough for you to say.  Aerokinesis runs in your family,” Ford said.  Fiddleford managed a small smile.  On impulse, Ford leaned over to kiss Tate’s forehead. “Goodbye, Tate.  I look forward to spending more time with you.”  Tate stopped fussing for a moment to stare at him in shock.  Fiddleford chuckled softly.

              “I think he’s lookin’ forward to it, too.”

[she-is-tim]

I love hating you | Elu enemies to lovers AU | Ch. 4

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3

Lucas is an angry, closeted and frustrated gay teenager, while Eliott is the handsome, smart and popular guy in school. They hate each other… but not forever.

I don’t think I deserve this

Saturday morning was cloudy and cold, but Lucas couldn’t be happier. He started the day by doing his chores that was listed on their chalkboard Mika hanged in the living room. They kept switching the tasks, so no one gets bored of it. Later the day he joined Lisa on the couch, she was watching some weird documentary, but Lucas couldn’t care less, he was on his phone basically all afternoon, chatting with Eliott. Thankfully Mika was working, so he wasn’t asking questions about his happy behavior. 

srodulv Idriss and Sofiane keep trying to peek over when I’m texting you They are being annoying

lucallemant I kinda get them, you should be focused on studying, not texting me Not like I want you to leave

srodulv You would be missing me, and I can’t stand a sad hedgehog

lucallemant Too much confidence you got there, Demaury

srodulv I think I have good reasons to be sure about some things ;) 

lucallemant How do you know the boys, btw?  Idriss is older than us for sure

srodulv I am older than you too I had to repeat first year of high school

lucallemant What? I had no idea

srodulv Things happened in my life, so... It’s not important, but I was going to their school in first year But we are friends since middle school

lucallemant Well, at least now we’re in the same year

srodulv Haha That’s true Okay, I gotta go now, these two are driving me crazy

lucallemant You can do it! Saturday is almost over 

srodulv And I’m missing you so damn much

lucallemant Stop being so cheesy We spent hours together yesterday

srodulv It’s never enough time with you

lucallemant G O   T O   S T U D Y   E L I O T T 

srodulv Yes, ma’am

Lucas smirked at his phone for a few more minutes and put it in his pocket after Eliott didn’t say anything else. He loved to talk to him all day long, but he was with friends and he had to study too, so he couldn’t be selfish, asking him to keep texting. He might not be the smartest kid in school, but he knew that Eliott didn't do much studying all day, since he kept replying to him within seconds. 

Monday came way too slow, Lucas spent his sunday with studying and doing homework. He wasn’t on his phone much, but Eliott was also busy, so it wasn’t a big deal. In the morning he packed up his bag and left for school with Manon. They were planning to meet up in the common room before classes, just to chill and eat breakfast. The girl spent almost an hour in the kitchen this morning to make sandwiches for them, she was carrying it in a basket, while Lucas had two bottles of soda in his hands. 

“Seriously, Manon, It’s just monday, why are we having an indoor picnic?” He asked, his hands were numb from holding the bottles.

“We are halfway done with the common room, this is a little celebration.” she said excitedly and walked into the room, holding the door open for the boy.

They joined the others at the table, it seemed like they had some serious topic to talk about. Lucas put down the bottles and went to the shelves to get plastic cups for everyone. Meanwhile Manon put down paper plates and the basket full of sandwiches. The girls seemed to be really happy and continued their talk while eating. Lucas sat down next to Manon, chewing on a sandwich. Since friday he could only think about Eliott. He kept seeing him when he closed his eyes, he could clearly remember his smell and the feeling of his fingers on his skin. 

When his phone started buzzing, he felt his heart beating faster. Eliott haven’t texted him since sunday and he missed him so much. He was right back then, Lucas was one really sad hedgehog without him. All those feelings he had for this boy were overwhelming. He unlocked his phone, checking the message he got, but it wasn’t from Eliott, it was his mother. 

From Mom For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell, putting them in chains of darkness to be held for judgment; [2 Peter 2:4]

Lucas took a deep breath and inhaled slowly. The girls were too busy talking about some sports event that will be on this friday, so they didn’t notice his reaction. He haven’t recieved a bible verse from his mom since a while now, it usually meant that she is doing bad. He knew that the nurse his father was paying took good care of his mother, but it was still frustrating to think about her feeling bad. He also haven’t seen her since months. Son of the year, clearly.

He excused himself and walked out of the common room. Students were already walking on the halls, so he decided to go to the bathroom and tried to call his mother. He spent there 10 minutes, but she wasn’t answering. Lucas got really worried now. He quickly looked for the number of his mom’s nurse and called her. He was walking around in the bathroom until she picked it up.

“Hello?” her voice was soft, calm. It didn’t seem like anything was wrong.

“Good morning! I am Lucas Lallemant, I wanted to ask about my mom.” he explained, talking a bit too fast, but hoped that the lady understood his words. 

“Oh, Lucas! I haven’t heard from you in a while.” she said softly, this was still not convincing the boy that things were okay. “Your mother is reading right now, we just had breakfast and she took her medications. But why is the sudden call?” 

“Nothing...” Lucas mumbled, feeling bad because panicing over such little stuff, but also because he haven’t met his mother in a while now. “Nothing, I just wanted to know if I can visit her after school.”

“That is a wonderful idea, I think she would like that. She’s feeling much better lately, we talk a lot and she told me a lot of stories about you.” she answered softly, which made Lucas’ heart feel warm. Knowing that his mother was able to talk and tell stories of his childhood meant that she was really doing better. 

“That’s great, I’ll go there around 17:00 after classes.”

“We will be waiting.”

“See you then.” he said and hung up, letting out a relieved sigh. 

He leant to the wall next to the bathroom stalls and looked out the window. Everyone was slowly coming inside from the yard as their classes were about to start. He was looking for one face, one messy hair in the crowd, but he couldn’t find him. Eliott might have already gone to his class. He closed his eyes, leaning his head back. Stop thinking of him, Lucas.

He walked out of the restroom now, ready to start his day. On his way to the lockers, he met Imane, she seemed to be looking for someone. Lucas stepped to her, smiling softly. Imane was a great friend for him and they always studied together for biology. She was sassy and confident, almost the exact opposite of Lucas. 

“Hey! Are you looking for someone?” he asked softly. The girl looked at him, a small smile playing on her face. Okay, this seems suspicious.

“Yeah, I was looking for you actually.” she said and handed him a carefully folded paper. “My brother gave this to me. Eliott asked him to get this to you.” she explained with now a wide smirk. Lucas felt his face burning, stomach turning. He couldn’t find the right words to say both because he didn’t wanted Imane to suspect anything and because he was deeply worried why was Eliott sending him a letter, not a message. 

“It’s not what...”

“Don’t bother.” she said raising her hands. “It’s not my business, I just didn’t know that you are friends with Eliott now.” she said crossing her arms, looking curious. “I mean you were talking shit about him like a month ago.” 

“We were just assigned for a school project.” he mumbled, lies coming out of his mouth without thinking about it. It was so natural for him to cover things in his life to make situations easier. “It’s probably just a note I left at his place.” he shrugged, trying to play cool. 

“Okay then, I was just asking.” she said.

“Why didn’t you gave it to me earlier?” Lucas asked now curiously. They were all in the common room, she could have handed it to him there so she wouldn’t need to look for him.

“I figured it’s something that the girls shouldn’t know.” she said seriously. “I mean... Daphné is still a bit gone for that guy, they wouldn’t let you breathe if they would know that you are close with Eliott.” she said.

“And you also don’t wanna let them know that your brother and him are friends, right?” the boy asked now with a half smirk, while Imane rolled her eyes. “I totally understand. Say thank you to Idriss for me.” he said and walked to his locker now. 

He slowly unfolded the paper, it was a drawing and a note under it, well actually two drawings. One of them was a sad hedgehog, looking at his black phone screen, the other one was a sad raccoon with a suitcase in his hand, waiting at the train station. Lucas felt his stomach turning, looking at the letters under the drawings, slowly reading the sentences.

“Dear Lucas

I am so sorry I haven’t texted you for a whole day, but something happened with my family and I had to leave Paris. Hopefully I won’t be away for long, but I am not gonna be able to use my phone. I’ll let you know when I get back. Damn, I wish I could have say goodbye to you in person, but I really had to leave quickly, I barely had time to make this letter, but I feel like this is what you deserve. Don’t worry too much, okay? I can’t stand a sad hedgehog, you know that. And maybe you can surprise me with something when I come back. I am going to miss you... I am already missing you

Sincerely A very sad raccoon”

His handwriting was beutiful, that is the first thing that got to Lucas’ mind, then he kept re-reading the sentences, trying to take in all that information. So Eliott had to leave urgently, that’s fine. He had no time to contact Lucas, which is also fine. Then he fucking decided to draw and write a letter to him. This guy was far too much into romantic stuff and Lucas was there for it. He put the paper in a safe place inside his bag, making sure he won’t lost it. He smiled as he walked to his first class. Eliott cares about me. 

After his last class, he was packing his stuff from his locker into his backpack. He wanted to reach the first bus to visit his mother. He was preparing himself for that all day. His mind was filled with imagined conversations, fearing that his mother will question him for not visiting her. He was really nervous, but also excited. He wasn’t in a good relationship with his father, but he always loved his mother even when she couldn’t be the mom Lucas wanted. 

As he stepped out of the building, he almost bumped into his friends. Arthur and Yann had to listen to some stupid story Basile was rambling about. He stopped speaking when they saw Lucas. The short boy smiled at them, being frustrated on the inside, because he knew he wont make it to the first bus now, not like he had to wait much for the next. He just really wanted to see his mother.

“Hey, Lulu! Haven’t seen you all day.” Yann said, pulling his friend into a quick hug. Lucas sighed, enjoying the moment of his best friends kindness. 

“Yeah, I was pretty busy with classes and helping the girls in the common room.” he explained, hugging back his friend before he pulled away, Arthur gave him a fist bump.

“You were with the girls?” Basile asked with sudden enthusiasm. “Were Daphné talking about me?” his eyes were wide open, hoping for a positive answer. Lucas totally forgot that his idiot friend is now having a crush on his sweet Daphy. Of course he liked and supported Basile with all heart, but he also wanted the best for his blonde, overexcited friend, which wasn’t being Basile’s girlfriend. 

“About you? No, I don’t think so.” he said honestly.

“See, Daphné doesn’t give a fuck about you, dude.” Arthur said, he was always there to tell the truth to Basile. “You gotta find yourself a girl that can appreciate you.” he said, squeezing his friend’s shoulder. The short boy smiled fondly at them, it was nice to hang out with the boys like this. He haven’t had much time to do this before because he was too afraid they will notice he’s different. 

“We were actually planning to go to my place and order pizza.” Yann said now, looking at his best friend. “You should join us.”

“I would love to, but I am actually going to visit my mom.” he said softly. “I am already a bit late.”

“Oh, did something happen?” Yann asked with a worrying tone in his voice. He was always there when Lucas needed help because of his mother and the boy couldn’t be more grateful for that.

“Nothing in particular. I just haven’t seen her in a while.” he said honestly. “But you guys have fun.” He smiled and fistbumped with them, then walking to the bus stop.

The afternoon with his mom was really nice, she wasn’t lost in her thoughts like she used to. Lucas told her about school, how classes going. He was talking about the common room and how she made friends with the girl group. It was nice to tell all this to someone who had no idea about them, he noticed how much he adores the girls and their friendship. Of course his mom asked if she like liked any of the group, but he said no confidently. They are like my sisters. And his mother seemed to be satisfied with that answer and didn’t ask more questions about her son’s love life. Lucas had no idea how much he needed this mother in his life. A caring, understanding and nice person who he can tell about his days, his friends, his classes. He wished he had the strength to tell her about his sexuality... or more likely his thing with Eliott. Is there actually a thing between us, though? 

It was late, almost 20:30 when he left his mom’s house, getting on the bus. He read Eliott’s letter again, staring at the drawings for long minutes. This heavy feeling in his chest didn’t wanted to go away, he was really worried and missed this handsome guy, his stupid texts, his soft words. He remembered how they almost kissed twice. He got goosebumps just by thinking about it. 

Days went on so slow Lucas felt like he was suffocating. He spent most of his time with studying or helping out the girls, anything that could keep him occupied to not think of Eliott. But when the nights came, everything rushed him at once. It was killing him slowly. He felt like he’s never going to come back. 

Somewhere around wednesday the boys started to talk about a party, then the girls were talking about it too, because Emma was hosting it. Lucas felt like it will be a good way to drink and forget his emotions, so of course he agreed to go with them. Since he haven’t heard from Eliott since 4 days now, all he wanted is to get drunk and not feel anything. He hoped that Arthur brings weed to the party, he was his savior all the time, even if he didn’t know that. 

He tried to put on some nice clothes, dark blue jeans, grey t-shirt and a denim jacket. Usually he would just put on a hoodie or his favorite blue jacket, but he kinda wanted to look good today, no specific reason. He tried to get his hair in some sort of shape, with very less success, so he just dropped the case within ten minutes. When he was ready, he texted the boys and left the flat. Manon was already there, helping Emma all afternoon to set things up.

Lucas was on the bus, checking the group chat with the boys. They were going crazy, because Yann told them that the girl he likes accepted his invitation to the party and they probably gonna meet up tonight. The boy smiled at his phone, congratulating to his best friend. He looked out the window, he was almost at the stop that was the closes to Emma’s house, when he got a message, it wasn’t from the boys, it was an instagram DM. His heart skipped a beat, his lips were dry, his stomach turned in that few seconds when he opened the app to see the message.

srodulv I got off the train, waiting for the bus. Do you wanna meet up? I need you

Lucas was struggling for only a few seconds. Eliott was so direct, no teasing, no playing around, he straight up said he needs Lucas. He got off the bus as soon as it stopped and thankfully could catch the ride to the other direction before it left the stop. He felt so many things at once, not knowing what to think. His hands were shaking, but he had to text back to Eliott, so he won’t be thinking that he left him on read.

lucallemant On my way

He wanted to scream at the driver to go faster. He didn’t know what was going on, but Eliott wasn’t feeling good, he could tell even through text. When he got to the right place, he jumped off the bus, he didn’t see Eliott anywhere, so he checked the time. It usually takes 20-25 minutes with bus to get to the train station from this part of the city. Eliott only texted him 14 minutes ago. The waiting was pure agony, he walked in a few meter radius up and down. His hands were sweating and shaking. He jumped when his phone started buzzing, but it was only the group chat with the boys.

Arthur Hey, Lucas, you should be here by now.  Where are you, dude?

Yann Is everything okay, bro? 

Basile Don’t fuck this up, man! There are hot chicks!

Arthur Lulu?

Yann Can’t you just answer?  I see that you read the messages

Arthur What is wrong with you?

He sighed and closed the chat for now, he couldn’t deal with his friends, not now when he was about to see Eliott. His stomach felt so tiny, he barely could breathe, he kept licking his lips, because they were so dry. He should have sit down, but he couldn’t stop his legs, if he settles, all the emotions will rush at him at once and he either cries or throw up. Not a good way to welcome his handsome... what is Eliott to him exactly? He shook his head.

He was so deep in his thoughts that he only noticed the bus when it left. He stopped his moves and looked at the boy standing in front of him, just a few meters away. Eliott put down his suitcase, he seemed exhausted, so tiny. He was hunched, pale, even more than usual. His eyes were red and the circles around them looked much darker, like he haven’t slept for days. He was looking at Lucas, hands in his pockets, like a scared animal. He opened his mouth, trying to say something, but then closed it, looking down.

Lucas was feeling so many things at once. He felt joy, because he missed this boy so damn much and it was good to have him back. He was worried, since Eliott looked like he have been through hell. He also felt insecure, because he didn’t know what was going on his head. When the tall boy looked at the ground, Lucas made his decision. He looked around, making sure no one was on the streets. It was getting late, friday night and this was a really calm part of the city anyways. He then started walking, almost running, jumping on Eliott, wrapping his arms around the slim body. 

Eliott was shocked first, but then he pulled his hands out of his pockets, sliding them on the short boy’s back, burying his face into his neck. Lucas stroked him gently, enjoying the smell of Eliott he missed so much. They were standing like this for long minutes, then Eliott pulled back just a little, still keeping the small one in his arms. He touched his forehead to Lucas’, looking into those deep blue eyes. 

“I missed you so damn much.” he whispered, voice sounded harsh, like he haven’t drank anything for a long time. Lucas slowly put his hands on his face, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs.

“I’m here now. No more sad raccoon or sad hedgehog, okay?” he said softly. Deep inside he felt like Eliott needed soft, reassuring words right now. 

“Okay.”

“I’ll stay with you.” he whispered, stil stroking the other one’s face.

Eliott looked at him, deep into his eyes. He looked like he was crying not too long ago and that was breaking Lucas’ heart. He couldn’t bare seeing him like this. He looked so small and volunerable now, almost like a lost raccoon. He took a deep breath, slowly reducing the distance between their lips. Eliott noticed this and closed his eyes, holding the boy closer by his waist. 

Their kiss was slow at first, tasting each other, making sure it’s okay for the other to do a bit more. Then they got out of hands, tongues dancing between opened lips, hands going everywhere, not knowing where to grab. It was strong and passionate, full of deep feelings. This long time apart made them crave for the other, wanting more and more. For long minutes it was just them, no one else existed on this world. Everything around them ceased to exist, the buildings, the street, the bus stop, all of it. They were in their little bubble of happiness. Then suddenly rain started pouring, getting them wet. 

They both pulled back, just a little bit to look into each other’s eyes, laugh like kids. Eliott seemed to be better now, his eyes were glowing with excitement. He gave a soft kiss on Lucas’ wet lips. Their hair was dripping, their clothes started to get soaked as the rain was going on more wildly. The tall boy grabbed his suitcase with one hand and Lucas’ wrist with the other, starting to run towards his apartment building. The small boy laughed , trying to keep up with the speed of Eliott. 

The door slammed behind them loudly, Eliott let go of his suitcase, wrapping both of his arms around Lucas, kissing him wildly. The boy giggled into the other’s lips, sliding his fingers into his wet hair, pulling him even closer. Their clothes were sticking to their body, making them feel each other more. They started to slowly dance towards the bedroom, trying not to stumble while still kissing and holding onto each other. Their kisses were sloppy, full of giggles, teeth bumping into teeth. 

Somehow they managed to get into the room, falling on Eliott’s bed after taking off their wet clothes, only leaving on their underwear. Lucas was laying down, Eliott above him, kissing his neck now while his hands were stroking his sides. The boy shivered, letting out a little moan. He had never felt so good with anyone, not like he ever tried this with boys, but he knew that this was special, that Eliott was special. 

Hours passed, now they were just laying in bed, Eliott was resting his head on Lucas’ chest, tracing little circles on his skin with his fingers. They haven’t talked, though the short boy had a lot of questions, he knew that he can’t force him to talk. It was nice to just lay like this, quietly, peacefully. Forgetting about the stupid party, about his friends, focusing himself on this gorgeous man in his arms. He played with Eliott’s hair a little. It was still a bit wet. 

“I thought you are not gonna come.” Eliott mumbled into the silence after a while, Lucas opened his eyes, fingers still playing with the other’s wet hair. 

“I wasn’t thinking... I was worried, you were so serious in that text.” he said slowly, kissing the top of Eliott’s head softly. 

“I don’t think I deserve this...”

“What do you mean?” he asked now concerned. He didn’t like how the tall boy was talking about himself. Usually he was the most confident person Lucas has ever known. He can’t be saying things like this. 

“Laying here, in your arms.” he said, raising his head to look into the boys’ eyes. “I am not good enough for this.” 

Lucas sighed, he put his hand on Eliott’s face, stroking it gently, rubbing his red, puffy lips with his thumb. He had so much to say, but couldn’t really put it into words, so instead he just gave a slow, lustful kiss to him, making sure that he gets what he’s trying to say. You deserve this. We both deserve this. We need each other. 

Eliott gave in after thirty seconds, leaning on Lucas like a hungry predator, grabbing his waist as he deepened the kiss with him. His tongue asked for permission and when he got that, he spent long minutes exploring the other one’s mouth, pressing their body together, skin touching skin. Their bodies fit so well like they were made for each other and in that moment Lucas felt like that was the truth.

They fell asleep like this, legs and arms entangled, Eliott resting on Lucas, wearing only boxers. Both of them were happy and they didn’t wake up until 11:00. Lucas slowly opened his eyes, not being sure first where he was, then he felt the heavy body on himself and started smiling. He buried his face into the messy locks, taking in the smell slowly. It was so unbelieveable that he was waking up in bed with Eliott Demaury. A few weeks ago he didn’t even wanted to hear his name and now he was holding him, smelling him. 

“You really like sniffing me, huh?” Eliott said suddenly, scaring the small boy a little. He looked up, smirking at him. “You are such a curious hedgehog.” 

“And you are one really annoying raccoon.” the boy said, making an angry face that got the other one to laugh.

“You are so adorable.” he said, kissing his lips softly. “I never wanna leave this bed. I wanna stay here with you forever.” he mumbled, caressing Lucas’ cheek gently.

“We can stay here... I don’t wanna leave either.” he said smiling, kissing Eliott’s palm. “I haven’t had such a good sleep in a really long time, actually.”

“Oh yeah?” the tall boy smirked, kissing his neck gently, biting it even. “So only the sleeping part was good?” he asked playfully. Lucas chuckled and run his fingers through Eliott’s hair. 

“You know that is not what I meant.” he said softly, kissing his forehead, then his nose. 

“What did you mean then?” 

“I feel good with you. I can’t really explain this... this week was absolute hell without you... I know that it’s stupid and I tried everything to get over my feelings, but...” 

“No, don’t say that.” Eliott said, suddenly leaning over the small boy, hands resting on the bed, looking at him with those stormy blue eyes. “I don’t want you to get over this. I wanna plunge into it... I don’t care if it’s a bad idea... I don’t care how, I just wanna be with you.” he said seriously, even shaking a little. Lucas wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him down for a lazy, gentle kiss.

“I want this too. I’m not sure if I am ready for it... especially not in public... but as long as you kiss me, touch me or look at me like this... I don’t want anything else in this world.” Lucas whispered into his lips, looking into his eyes. A bright smile appeared on Eliott’s face, making his dark circles disappear, he looked so young, carefree and happy. The small boy totally loved that smile, he would do anything just to see it again. He pulled him back for a soft kiss. I could get used to this.

[bountyofbeads]

https://medium.com/@CleverTitleTK/their-own-two-feet-8ddd1dbb1602

You have to read this article on the immigrant roots of Ken Cuccinelli and yes his public charge grandparents when they arrived in this country with no education or money. Jennifer has done a great job of documenting(See Website For Documents) his family's immigrant history. His hypocrisy is rich. PLEASE READ 📖 AND SHARE. TY 🤔

😂🤣😂🤣

Their Own Two Feet

Jennifer Mendelssohn | Published August 30, 2019 | Medium | Posted August 30, 2019 6:15 PM ET

As the new public face of the Trump administration’s draconian immigration policies, acting USCIS Director Ken Cuccinelli has wasted no time stirring up collective ire. Most notably, he set off a firestorm of criticism by rewriting the iconic Emma Lazarus poem that has long functioned as a kind of unofficial American immigration mantra. “Give me your tired and your poor who can stand on their own two feet and who will not become a public charge,” he proudly told NPR’s Rachel Martin, who somehow resisted the urge to burst out laughing and/or slap him upside the head. (You can read several historians’ takes on the public charge rule here, but suffice it to say that the concept, which was meant to weed out only the very, very least desirable of immigrants, has never been enforced as rigorously as Cuccinelli is suggesting.)

Cuccinelli later elaborated thatLazarus’ poem was “referring back to people coming from Europe where they had class-based societies, where people were considered wretched if they weren’t in the right class.” Wink wink, nudge, nudge, we hear you! And if you had the word “Europe” in Bigotry Bingo, drink!

For the past two years, I’ve run a project called #resistancegenealogy, which looks at the family histories of public figures in order to show just how similar so many of our stories really are. Cuccinelli’s very public numbskullery definitely set a new record: never before I have I received so many texts, tweets, emails and Facebook messages from people so eager to learn about someone’s family tree. (Side note: Never before have I seen so many people who’ve never done genealogy try to do it themselves and get it so very very wrong. You realize more than one person in a town can have the same name, right? And that not all records are online? And that other people’s public family trees are very often…wrong? Here, read this.)

And never before has a family history — or at least the Italian half of that history that I’ll address here — been so utterly unsurprising. I mean, where did you all think the story of the Cuccinelli family of Hoboken, New Jersey was going to go, really? C’mon now.

And so, here I am, just a girl with some documents, standing in front of her country, asking it not to betray its immigrant past. Asking it to remember that welcoming the “wretched refuse of your teeming shore,” even when that “refuse” comes with little more than grit, determination and a desire to do better for their children, is a bedrock American value, a value that allowed many of you reading these words right now to be here. It’s a value that allowed Ken Cuccinelli — descended from Southern Italians of modest means and little education who would likely never pass muster under the proposed changes — to be here. I mean, hellooooo? Were you listening at allduring the 4th grade unit on immigration?

Cuccinelli called a New York Daily Newsarticle about his family history (albeit one that identifies the wrong ship’s manifest as his great-grandfather’s) “intellectually dishonest.” Any comparison to past immigrants, he maintained, was invalid because “the welfare state didn’t exist back then.”

Nativists love to fall back on this argument, but they also still love to contrast the behavior of current immigrants with what they believe to be their own ancestors’ spotless — and “legal!” — immigration and assimilation histories, despite the fact that comparisons to “legal” immigration at a time when there were almost no immigration laws for Europeans to break are inherently problematic. And despite the fact that the historical record is often at odds with their starry-eyed, mythologized understanding of their ancestors’ pasts.

“My great-grandfather knew upon arriving in the United States that he had to learn English and that he had to work hard to succeed in this country,” Cuccinelli told the Daily News.

“My family worked together to ensure that they could provide for their own needs, and they never expected the government to do it for them,” he said at a press briefing.

I’m so very very tired of telling you this very same story over and over again, but since so many of you asked — some less politely than others, btw, can we please work on that moving forward? — let’s go to the videotape and look at the Cuccinelli family story, shall we?

THE CUCCINELLIS

Ken Cuccinelli’s paternal grandfather, Dominick Luigi Cuccinelli, was born in Hoboken, New Jersey to — are you sitting down? — Italian immigrant parents who’d only been in the country for about ten years. Ken’s great-grandfather was Domenico Cuccinelli (né Cucciniello) born on the 6th of December, 1874 in Avellino, Italy. His 1897 marriage certificate  identifies him and his wife, Fortuna Preziosi, as farmers.

In March of 1901, Domenico became part of the massive wave of Italians who lit out for greater opportunity and stability in America, sailing on the SS Patria from Naples. Identified as a “laborer,” he arrived at Ellis Island with $8.75, equivalent to about $260 today. His contact in the U.S.? An unnamed cousin already living on Adams Street in Hoboken.

Ancestry indexed this record under “Camiello.” Which may be why you couldn’t find it.

Domenico’s wife Fortuna would follow her husband to America the following year on the Algeria, arriving at Ellis Island with their two small children and $20.

It’s important to remember that for all our talk of welcoming the huddled masses with open arms, American immigration history also has a pronounced strain of ugly nativism, a rather ironic twist for a nation founded on stolen land. (And we’re talking here only about immigrants by choice.) Which means that Ken Cuccinelli’s immigrant family was subjected to the very same brand of bigoted suspicion that he is now trying to inflict on others. The Ken Cuccinellis of the early twentieth century — though they didn’t typically have last names like Cuccinelli — were just as insistent that people like the Cuccinellis didn’t have the right to become Americans. That they wouldn’t fit in. That they had nothing to offer and would only be a drain on “our” resources.

“[Italians] are coming in waves and think they have a right to come….There has been a surfeit of unskilled illiterates for years and the people do not want any more of them,” opined the Jersey (City) Journal on November 29, 1902, just a few months after Ken’s great-grandmother arrived there.

So what became of the Cuccinellis? Well, the first we see of the family in American records is in the 1905 New Jersey state census. Father Domenico is employed as a laborer, supporting a family of six. And though they’ve been in the U.S. for three and four years at this point, neither parent reported being able to speak English.

But as is so often the case, the Cuccinelli family moved up in the world. By the 1915 census, both Domenico and Fortuna are listed as literate and English speaking, despite his having never had a formal education and her having only completed eighth grade. In 1919, Domenico, still working as a laborer and now living in nearby Jersey City, declared his intention to become an American citizen, a process he completed three years later.

You’ll notice the family’s 1922 address: 401 Monroe Street in Hoboken, where they are also listed in the 1925 city directory. Just a few houses down on Monroe (the entire neighborhood has streets grandly named after American presidents, incidentally) was another family headed by Italian immigrants — a boilermaker and a midwife. They had a son named Frank just a few years younger than Ken’s grandfather Dominick. Perhaps you’ll recognize the last name and wonder what would have been lost had his immigrant parents been barred.

By 1930, Domenico Cuccinelli owned a home on Madison Street. And by 1940, he and his wife were comfortably retired, living in a house worth $5000, the very picture of the American dream.

THE POLICASTROS

Ken’s grandmother Josephine Policastro Cuccinelli was also the Jersey-born daughter of Italian immigrants: Gaetano Policastro and Maria Ronga (also spelled Rongo) from Monte San Giacomo in Salerno.

A teenaged Maria Ronga (her birth certificate indicates she was 17) arrived at Ellis Island in November of 1903 with her widowed 48-year-old mother, Giuseppa Romano, who has no listed occupation, and three younger siblings. Giuseppa’s husband Giuseppe Ronga, a tailor, had died in 1901 at the age of 44, which may have played a role in their decision to move. With all of $5 between the five of them, they were detained at Ellis Island — as indicated by the “S.I.” for “Special Inquiry” stamped by their names in the margin of the manifest. The “Record of Aliens Held For Special Inquiry” list indicates the reason they were held, abbreviated as “L.P.C.;” it stands for “Likely Public Charge.” So yes, the great-grandmother of the man now beating the drums to tighten the public charge rule was…labeled a likely public charge herself.

After a day’s detainment and a hearing — at which Maria’s older brother Vincenzo, who paid for their passage, would have likely been called to testify that he could support his mother and siblings — the family was allowed to enter the United States, as were more than 98% of those who came through Ellis Island.

But make no mistake: there were many who would have happily sent the Rongas packing. Witness this Judgemagazine cartoon from the very year they arrived, which depicts southern European immigrants as filthy rats, bringing crime and anarchy into the country. (Nice Mafia hats, right?) Doesn’t this sound… familiar?

The new arrivals moved in with Maria’s older brother Vincenzo, now going by the name James, in Hoboken. Ken’s great-grandmother Maria found work as a candy maker, as shown in the 1905 census.

Two and a half years after her arrival, though she is somehow still only 17, Maria “Ronca” (age and spelling are slippery concepts, genealogically speaking) married Gaetano “Thomas” Policastro, a recently widowed father of two with an eighth grade education. Gaetano was also born in Monte San Giacomo and appears to have immigrated as a child in the 1880s.

In 1908, Thomas and Maria had the first of their eight children together, Ken’s grandmother Josephine. The 1910 census shows them living with Maria’s family, including her mother Josephine Romano Ronga. Thomas is working as a salesman at a market. Both the 1910 and 1920 census indicated that Ken’s great-great-grandmother Josephine never learned English, even after being in the country for 17 years. And…so what? Immigrants often took their sweet time learning to speak English, if at all. Their children learned to speak English at school so that one day their great-great-grandsons could become the attorney general of Virginia and maybe one day feel the need to cover up the naked statute in the state symbol. Problem solved.

Though the 1930 census shows the Policastros owning a home worth $12,000, as the nation tumbled deeper into the grips of the Great Depression, like so many Americans, they appear to have fallen on hard times. A series of legal notices in the Jersey Journal(available on GenealogyBank) gesture to the outlines of the story: A lawsuit over non-payment on a $8150 bank note. A foreclosure on the Policastro home on Paterson Plank Road. A bankruptcy hearing. A District Court judgment against Thomas for $450, filed by James Ronga. Would the Policastros have met their own great-grandson’s requirement that immigrants always “carry their own weight?” (According to the Annual report of the Attorney General of the United States, about 1300 of New Jersey’s approximately four million residents voluntarily filed for personal bankruptcy in the fiscal year ended 1931.)

But by 1940, now nearing 60, Thomas Policastro had rebounded. The census shows him renting a home in nearby North Bergen. He is listed as the proprietor of a scrap metal business, and earning $1300 a year, right around the national average. Two of his American-born sons served during World War II. The Policastros proved that they deserved the chance they were given — the chance to have ups and downs and everything in between, the chance to pave the way for future generations to soar.

But one last point. Like the Cuccinellis, the Policastros also had neighbors of note, though they may not have been as well-known as the Sinatras. In 1920, the Policastros lived just a mile away from another Jersey City family headed by a Jewish immigrant who never completed high school and worked for decades at an overalls factory in nearby Paterson. This family was from the former Austro-Hungarian province of Galicia, and had arrived in 1896. Much like the Policastros, this family also eventually found themselves in the pages of the local newspaper. In 1940, the patriarch was arrested with his son-in-law and two other men on charges of stealing from that very same overalls factory; the charges were later dropped and the sentence suspended after they made restitution. But all of that Jewish immigrant’s grandsons would go on to college and upstanding careers. Two served in the military. One became a lawyer. One had a master’s degree. And in the fall of 1986, one of that immigrant’s great-granddaughters left Long Island to enroll at the University of Virginia, a venerable institution founded by an American president. Here she is in the First Year Faces Book, resplendent in a Benetton vest and pearls.

And one of her classmates at that venerable institution? Well, she knew him by his nickname: “Cooch.”

So yes, the scions of two Jersey City families headed by those uneducated and sometimes troubled immigrants seemed to have done alright for themselves. It’s a quintessentially American story, one I see day in and day out doing genealogical research: immigrant narratives are messy and imperfect and complicated but almost universally, they ultimately end with those families in a much better place than they would have been otherwise. That same great-grandfather’s sister, for instance, stayed behind in their ancestral town of Sniatyn and is presumed murdered during the Holocaust. So was my maternal grandfather’s brother, despite his writing a desperate letter to President “Rosiwelt” begging for refuge for his family in America.

How many future Ken Cuccinellis are the Trump administration’s increasingly restrictive immigration policies going to keep out? Who or what are those policies protecting, other than unfounded racist fears that follow in the very worst of American traditions?

Just about twenty years after Ken Cuccinelli’s family arrived from Italy and began their ascent up the ladder of the American dream, the ladder that lifted him to the grounds of Mr. Jefferson’s University and to law school at George Mason, to elected office in the state of Virginia and to a nomination to head a federal agency, Congress enacted the infamous Johnson-Reed Act, which set up quotas specifically designed to keep out people just like them. The number of Italians arriving in America dropped from 200,000 a year in the first decade of the twentieth century to under 4,000.

As Cuccinelli’s own career makes clear, the critics were dead wrong about the potential contributions of humble immigrants like his ancestors. And so is he.

CREDITS: I’m grateful to Megan Smolenyak, Michael Cassara, Rich Venezia and Tammy Hepps, who provided research, translation and editorial assistance.

[i-love-my-exhoes]

Camera binds are Colour blind

Part two / Part one

Sehun x reader

3,8K words

FBI agent watching me!au

Your eyes widened, why one earth would the FBI be monitoring you? You looked around you, making sure no one was reading over your shoulder, before typing your response. “can you prove it?” you weren’t sure whether you should believe whoever typed it, if you were a hacker you’d say the same thing when you got caught. Within a second, however, the ‘FBI-agent’ responded “of course I can prove it, but that would cost me my job. Besides I think you’d prefer not to get raided by the feds”.

You were amazed at his casual way of talking. You had always imagined FBI-agents as stuck up, pretentious and downright stiff. But the person talking to you right now definitely wasn’t, they were even being sarcastic. Maybe your perception had been warped by your own brother, as some higher up officer with the FBI he always followed all rules, making him incredibly boring and strict. Now you were beginning to realise that that had always been his personality and that, maybe, not every single FBI-agent was like that.

“You didn’t answer yet, does that mean you do want us to raid your tiny ass appartement? because I’m sure if I really try I can make that happen without losing my job” The words appeared on your screen again. The audacity this person had still shocked you. So, you started typing furiously, ready to give him a piece of your mind. “first of all, you didn’t ask me a question so technically I have nothing to answer. Second, you come here, into my laptop, pretending you’re with the fucking FBI and even threatening me with a raid an then you even insult my appartement. I’m not having it and I appreciate you trying to help with my assignments but I’m more than capable of doing them myself. So, kindly fuck off” You were heated now, angry enough to have the blood rushing to your cheeks and to feel abnormally hot.

You slammed your laptop shut, your breathing still slightly faster than it should be as you fumed thinking about what was happening. You were never one to get angry this fast, or this much, but whoever broke into you computer just pushed all your buttons just right to get your blood burning. Deciding that just raging about it wasn’t going to help you, you turned your attention to the professor, who had long since arrived during your ‘little conversation’.

Sehun growled, he put all this effort in to help her and she didn’t even thank him but got mad at him instead? it was safe to say that Sehun was not satisfied with the outcome of your little dispute. He was frustrated, smashing the keys harder than strictly necessary as he went through your files again. He knew he‘d never find anything incriminating, and that was frankly not what he was looking for. The truth is that over all the time he spent watching at you and your internet activities, he had started to care about you. 

He was proud of you for working as hard as you did on your assignments, that was why he helped you when he found out your work was missing a few of the required aspects. But that was not all, your weirdly random google searches intrigued him and made him laugh and the sweet messages you sent your friends warmed his heart. All in all, he started liking you. Of course he would never admit it, not only because it would mean putting his job on the line, but also because Oh Sehun likes to think that he doesn’t fall easily.

You felt bad. You’d been avoiding all your electronical devices (like your microwave) just to avoid the man that had pissed you off, making all your assignments on the library computers and using your sister’s old phone instead of your own. The days you had been doing this, however, made you think. Why were you so angry at the man? he had only helped you. It might have been in the dumbest way possible but still, he tried to help you. The only reason you had to be mad at him was his breaking into your computer but if he was speaking the truth, then he was only doing his job.

Finally deciding that your anger was unreasonable, you grabbed your laptop. You opened word, sincerely hoping the guy that’d been monitoring you still was, and started typing. “hey, I don’t know if your still there. If you are I’d like to apologize, I got mad at you for trying to help me (btw I kinda believe you’re with the FBI now, no hacker would just help me with my assignment without totally bugging up my laptop or something)” You got all giddy inside after typing it, like a schoolgirl texting her crush. It confused you, you literally only talked to this dude once and he had gotten you mad there was no way you had a crush on him.

You weren’t really sure of what to expect. It had been well over a week since you’d abandoned all electronics, so he might have already been assigned to someone else. Luckily, within a minute you’d gotten a response.

“Yeah yeah, I don’t really care about that. The question is, are you ready to accept that blood orange was a better description or not?” You snorted, of course you weren’t. Thankfully though, lying is easy when you’re not face to face. “Yeah, it might have been better, got me more words as well”. Not a second later he started typing again. “You can’t see me but I’m rolling my eyes rn. You do know I just heard you snort right? whatever, as long as you don’t change it back, we’re cool” Your eyes widened ‘of course this little creep would be watching me’ You thought, completely disregarding the fact that it was literally his job to watch you. A shock of terror ran through you when you read his next words “I just checked your schedule btw, didn’t your class start like five minutes ago?”. You exclaimed a loud “FUCK” before running around your apartment, quickly gathering your stuff, only stopping to shout a quick “thank you” to the dude watching over you before slamming the door and sprinting to school.

Sehun smiled to himself as you once again tried handing in the wrong file, quickly changing the places of the files so you’d pick the right one. His smile got brighter as he looked at the shocked look on your face before you muttered another “thank you”.

 Over the last month or so, he’d heard these words a lot. You had been talking with him almost every day. Your way of talking had quickly evolved into you just speaking into your mic while he types away, this happened after he told you you typed slower than his grandma did. Truth be told, he found it endearing but he just wanted an excuse to hear your voice more. The two of you were pretty much best friends at this point, he’d even trusted you with his name.

“So, you and y/n must have been talking a lot lately” Chanyeol spoke up, waking Sehun up from his thoughts “You know, because you’ve been less of a bitch-baby lately” he continued when he didn’t get a response . Sehun scrunched up his nose at his older colleague’s childish behavior, not that he wouldn’t have said the same but when Chanyeol did things they always seemed more childish. “we have actually but I’d appreciate it if your dumb ass didn’t expose me in front of our boss so be less loud” His words were harsh but the smile lingered on his face. Chanyeol started walking back towards his own desk but couldn’t help but snicker a bit first “Man, you are whipped”.

Tears streamed down your face. So many things were happening all at once. It all started when you failed one of the most important exams you’d get this semester, meaning your school had to discuss whether they’d want to keep you or not. This made you anxious, and this became the reason the boy you’d been seeing broke up with you. Lastly, you’d just heard your bunny, Loki, had died. Life didn’t seem as colorful as it had a week ago and you weren’t handling it well.

You found some peace in Sehun, he’d been like a rock to you. It seemed like no matter what happened he’d be there for you and that was something you needed at the time. Something you’d started to rely on. But when you had a light panic attack, and he didn’t respond when you opened your laptop and talked to him. Even the messages you’d left him going unanswered. You felt broken. This man you had never even met meant so much to you. Losing him hurt.

“Dude, just look up her address. You can just track her IP bro stop sulking” Chanyeol had been trying to get Sehun to meet up with you ever since Sehun had been reassigned but the boy was being stubborn in trying to respect your privacy. “Seriously though, you watched her through her cam for months I really don’t think it’d bother her if you knew her address”

Sehun had been ignoring him for a while now but he’d had enough. “Chanyeol, can you, for once in your life, not stick your dumb head into someone else’s business. If you can’t just go do it to Minseok because I’m not having it anymore” He spoke, his jaw clenched and his eyes blazing.

Chanyeol held his hands up before returning to his own desk. Pushing his hair back in frustration, he hadn’t seen Sehun as happy as he had been when you two were talking in a while. He made a quick decision, he couldn’t call himself Chanyeol anymore if he didn’t straight up ignore Sehun’s pledge for him not to interfere. So that left him with only one thing to do, or well, one thing to do first.

His hands fly over his keyboard as he quickly tracks you, something that could cost him his job if the wrong people found out. Chanyeol didn’t really care though, he genuinely cared for Sehun and after all his co-worker has said about you he even started caring about you. He wanted to see the both of you happy, preferably happy together. So he ignored all privacy laws that forbade him to search for you like this, and within a few minutes he had found you.

This was your third day of continually sitting inside, shoving food into your face to distract yourself from the world. Not the most healthy way of coping, but right now it was the preferred way of coping. You’d seen so many girls in angsty teen movies lock themselves in their rooms with just a tub of ice-cream and now it was your turn. Your friends had all been told you needed a bit of space, so when someone knocked on your door you decided just to ignore it.

“Hey, uhm, I know you’re in there. I really need to speak with you” a deep voice traveled through the mail slot on your door. You hesitated for a bit but you didn’t recognize the voice so it seemed better to you not to let the man know you were home, he was obviously bluffing when he said ‘he knew you were in’. You listened in to make sure he walked away, but instead you heard a heavy sigh “I’m with the FBI, let me in”. The FBI? Your head started spinning, could it be him?

You sneaked towards your door and peaked through the same mail slot he had spoken through. It took you a second to realize what you were looking at, that it wasn’t suddenly dark outside. You were looking straight into the eyes of whoever was standing at the door. Falling back on your ass in shock you made a loud sound as you knocked over a pile of unread newspapers. They piled on you, effectively trapping you.

 “Sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you, I was just curious. Are you alright? I heard a noise”. You weren’t sure how to reply to his stuttered question, so you didn’t yet. Opting to try and remove yourself from the pile of newspapers first. Key word being ‘try’, they were too heavy for you to move in your current position and you cursed yourself for accumulating newspapers instead of just tossing or recycling them.

You hesitated even more, calling for help from the dude you tried to blow off would be embarrassing. Then again, a headline about a local Youngster dying buried underneath a pile of old newspapers might be even more embarrassing. So you swallowed your pride “I’m kind of stuck, please help. The door is probably open” you recalled from when you went to lock the door, but couldn’t find your keys.

“that’s not very safe” the man said as he opened your door. He was ridiculously tall, and kind of cute with big round eyes, that got even bigger when he saw you buried under all the papers, and flappy ears. “Oh god are you okay? How did this even happen?!” He said as he started pulling the papers off of you. “unresolved hoarding problems mixed with an unhealthy amount of laziness” you answered as he pulled you out from the suffocating pile of paper “thank god I didn’t get any paper cuts”.

The man in front of you grinned. “I totally get why he likes you”. You weren’t sure, but you had a feeling you knew who he was talking about. Trying not to get you hopes up you casually asked the man why the FBI needed you. “Ah actually that was just me trying to get you to open the door” He laughed nervously rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. Suddenly he held out his hand to you, which you shook a bit hesitatingly. “Hi, I’m Chanyeol, I work with the FBI. I’m here because Sehun is my precious little grumpy coworker, and he’s been sulking over you for the past few days”.

Chanyeol seemed a bit silly to you, something you usually liked in a person. His words, however, sounded unreal to you. Why would Sehun be sulking over you after he left you? “I thought he couldn’t let anyone find out we were talking” You said. Chanyeol grinned once again and you found it difficult not to grin back at him. “My little Sehunnie just can’t keep a secret from me” he explained, continuing in a more serious tone he said “He’s been reassigned because the department decided you were no longer a threat and he’s too shy to look up your address like I did”.

You needed a second to process that. It made so much more sense now, He didn’t just leave you because he’d had enough of you. It felt like a weight was lifted from your shoulders. You smiled at Chanyeol brightly “He gets shy? He sounded so confident” You said shaking your head lightly.”He is, He just has a crush on you”.

You blushed, hearing someone say he had a crush on you got you thinking again. Over the past few days you had come to accept your crush on him, it was easier because he was gone, you would never have to act on it because you would probably never talk to him again. But now that Chanyeol was here you were sure you’d get to talk to Sehun again, you’d probably even get to see him.

“He’s got his day off today, an I just know that dweeb is just sitting at home playing with vivi. So why don’t you get dressed properly and we go and set yo- I mean let you two meet” Chanyeol’s smile was devious as he corrected himself. Setting the two of you up was is goal and you knew it, and he knew you knew. So you have no clue as to why he even tried to hide it.

You had gotten dressed, Leaving Chanyeol in your living room to keep himself occupied with a bag of chips, and you were now underway to Sehun’s place which thankfully wasn’t insanely far from your own. “Okay, so maybe don’t mention I brought you here if he doesn’t specifically asks. That brat would get mad at me if he knew I meddled with your and his business”. You couldn’t help but giggle. You had gotten to know Chanyeol enough over the last hour to know Sehun would specifically ask.

Now the two of you were standing in front of Sehun’s door, Chanyeol insisting on fixing your hair before you ring the doorbell. “you know that he could see you through the window if he looked right?” You spoke as Chanyeol combed your hair with his fingers. “maybe he won’t look if you’re quiet. Besides I’m not about to send you into his house with your hair looking like you just debuted with nct 127″ you didn’t even get the time to ask him what the fuck he was talking about before he continued “I’m trying to set the two of you up in case you didn’t notice and since Sehun’s ridiculously stubborn you’re going to have to do all the work”. You frowned at him. Was this really a good idea? Maybe he was just playing around with you, convinced you would never even see him.

Before you could regret your decision Chanyeol rang the doorbell, quickly sprinting towards his car and racing off. The seconds before the door opened were nerve-wrecking with nothing there to distract you from your self destructive thoughts. The moment seemed to last forever but, thankfully, it did not.

The door opened and an annoyed sounding man lazily walked through it as he said “I’m not buying cookies before I get what I ordered last year”. He sounded exactly what you’d imagined even his tone was spot on (especially his tone) but you weren’t prepared for his looks. He was easily the most handsome man you had ever laid your eyes on, his strong features accentuated by the hair falling loosely down his forehead. His jawline popping out as he tilted his head back a bit to push it away from his eyes, before finally looking at you.

The way his expression shifted was cute. He went from cold and assertive (he was probably mad about his cookies) to a stuttering and blushing mess in under a second. “Y/N?! wha-? how did y-?” He didn’t even finish his question before answering it with a glare into the, now empty, street “Chanyeol”. 

You were glad he had answered his own question; there was no way you had been able to answer him properly right now. You were dumbfounded. You didn’t really know what you’d expected Sehun to look like, all you knew was that it didn’t even compare to the real thing. He was gorgeous and all of a sudden you were thankful Chanyeol had fixed your hair before ringing the bell.

‘I knew he would try but I didn’t expect you to actually come” He said softly when he finally got out of his daze, snapping you out of yours. “why wouldn’t I? I thought I made it quite obvious that I liked you, and when you just ignored me like that I got hurt” You trailed off near the end of your sentence, not wanting to admit how he’d made you feel but wanting him to know nonetheless. He sighed deeply, a nice sound something that would’ve calmed you down under different circumstances. Now it made you anxious fearful of what he’d mean by it.

Warmth surrounded you suddenly, Sehun’s toned arms wrapping around you in a soft, loose hug, something you could have easily shrugged off if you wanted too. You didn’t, instead, you hugged him back tightly. Standing on your tippy-toes to whisper in his ear “I missed you”. You felt at home in his arms, even if you only met him in person for the first time today. You knew you had feelings for him, you had accepted your crush on him some time ago, but now that he was actually there it just hit you so much harder.

Only when you heard him whisper back did you pull away from the hug slightly, making sure his arms were still around you. “I’m sorry” He had said. “You don’t have to apologize, it’s all alright now” you said looking into his eyes with a soft smile, trying not to make your heart eyes at him too obvious. “No it’s not” his eyes bore into yours “I- You really need to know that I didn’t let go of you because I didn’t care. It’s because I thought you wouldn’t. Please know that I care about you, a lot” His face had gotten closer as he had spoken. Only inches away from yours now, you could see his lashes brush his cheeks as he looked down at your lips. You could truly feel how soft his lips were as they pushed up against your own.

You kissed Sehun back gently, keeping the kiss nice and slow. His hand lightly stroked your jaw as he pulled away. “I really care about you” You broke out into a smile for the first time in over a week. “I missed you so much” Your voice was muffled as you pushed your face into his chest. When you finally separated you could see his smile, his entire face scrunched up in joy and you honestly couldn’t comprehend that he had gotten even more beautiful. “want to come in maybe? it’s getting kind of cold”. The two of your walked through the door closing it behind you.

“You won’t believe it Baekhyun. KISSING, THE KIDS WERE KISSING, and he has the audacity to get mad at me for ‘meddling’ with his ‘love life’. Without me the two hadn’t even been together right now and I’m pretty sure y/n would have gotten kicked out of college if I hadn’t begged Minseok to help her with the math classes” Baekhyun laughed “Yes, yes. You’re a hero, saved y/n and Sehun’s love life. I still can’t believe you got Minseok to help her with her studies though, he seemed so cranky every time I’ve seen him”. “Oh that’s because he’s addicted to caffeine, he get’s really moody without it but he’s a real softy at heart” Chanyeol screeched as a couple of ice cubes ran down the back of his shirt.  

“WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM?!”

[weeaboo-horror-stories]

I am bisexual.

When I was in the 4th grade, at age 11, I met this really cute girl. She was about, what, 4'6 ft tall? She was actually my classmate, but I was always socially awkward. It's a long story, but we eventually became friends. She was REALLY smart and hardworking (in our school, if you're an honor student, you're REAALLY smart.) while i was lazy and average. Of course, back then we were still children. (Btw let's refer to her as "Maki" instead) We both loved anime, and we were total weebs. At that time, I was obsessed with Hetalia. I influenced her to watch it, she was a shugo chara fan. Anddd so she also got addicted.

Anyway, I was pretty fond of drawing, and people saluted me for my skills. Maki worshipped me like a God no im sERIOUS and called me "sensei", because i gave her lots of tips. She overestimated me too much. To the point where she neglected her studies just to talk to me. Although, I myself did not notice that. She always told me that she never had a true friend, and I was her first friend. She always told me that she loved me, and that we will forever be friends until we die. 

Her mother started to notice the big drop of our grades, and blamed me for it. She also started talking back to her, although Maki said that she did that back before we were friends.

Fifth and sixth grade came by, (i am from asia, 6th grade is our last year in gradeschool, but we still remain at the same school.) and her mother's anger at me grew, for Maki's behavior became "worse", as Maki explained. She forbid her to see me, and I was hurt. But she still constantly followed me, we were inseparable. 

Her mother even asked for a transfer of section in 6th grade, just for her to get away from me. But that didn't work either.

I didn't understand, she still remained an honor student, so what's wrong? I was hurt.

So one day, I confronted her. I wasn't rude, if that's what you're thinking. But she screamed at me and demanded at me to leave her daughter alone right in front of the school's catholic church. She called me a demon. Everyone in the school was looking at her with shame, and looking at me with pity. I shaked the tears off, I didn't want her to see me cry. I left afterwards in tears, it wouldn't stop. The only thing that cheered me up was a friend that went with me in the car (because no driver). She was my childhood friend (first friend too. We've been friends for almost 12 years) let's refer to her as Aka.

I never realized I was bisexual until freshman year came. But that's where the real thing comes.

At that time, the school year was ending, and I told her that maybe we should be apart

I had two reasons for saying that.

One, is because I didn't want her to get hurt anymore. Her mother abuses her. It just hurts me to see her hurt, and yet still smile. 

Two, is because I felt odd. I think about her everytime, I go nuts when I don't get to talk to her for a day. I felt so crazy that I didn't know what it was. I had a crush on a boy back then at 4th grade, but the feeling was different somehow. I was so confused. 

When I told her to break it for the 3rd time, we did. But afterwards, we came by again. She told me that she was so sad. I didn't know what to feel, so I smiled at it. It was March. 

My weeaboo phase ended at that month.

I started to watch different things like the vampire diaries...etc.

Afterwards, I have come to the thought that I had feelings for her, so I told her that we should be acquaintances starting our first year of highschool.

When we found out the people we will be classmates with, I told her to be friends with a certain person (lets call her Eli?)

And so she did.

But, I realized how jealous I was after nearly a month.

She made a bunch of friends, while I...made nothing. But that's not why I was jealous

I was jealous because I wasn't with her everyday like we used to, it's not the same anymore. I felt ignored. So I sent her a message. And she answered with

"Heya~ Recieved ur text but ddnt recive load, im NOT trying to ignore you though, i thought we were aquaintances and yes i knew u helped me a lot and i appreciate u for that but you dnt hav d right to tell me whether to make friends or not, because we have our own lives n i do wat i want when i wanna do it n i wanna make friends so what? I actually did make lots this first few weeks of school already. Plus i dont think we can relate to each other anymore.. I love hetalia & anime still but u've gone out of d fandom n went to TVD n PLL, im not really interested in that though,sorry.I still belive dat anime could be real while u think their jst living in ur comp screen. Im not trying to judge ur opinions because i respect ur opinions owo scouting is actually fun though, its not boring nor tiering at all, its pretty fun >w< i luv it. Believe it or not i still miss you but i dont think we can relate. I hav 2 study everyday n night, my grades matter to me, so please dnt say im trying to ignore u by not going to fb, i jst hav 2 study thats y. I cant be on here all the time n i barely hav time to get on here because im trying to make up for my failing ones.. n my phone dsnt lyk recieving load idk y. btw i sti believe my friends wnt leave me and yeah thats all i gotta say bye see u :)"

I felt offended..somehow

So I confronted her, told her that I wanted us to be friends again. But she didn't want to, for she already got a new set of friends. And of course, I wanted to cry. But I didn't want to show it. 

I wanted to shout. 

There was another message, it was her apologizing for offending me. Of course, I didn't see that message. But I confronted her the day before, I think she was offended. No...she IS offended. I felt baddd 

I don't want to reveal anything else, but I sent her a total of 20+ apology messages through deviantart and facebook from July to March of 2014. 

I was seenzoned, and there was so reply.

I cried every night.

I felt so obsessed, stalking her through every site.

I was friends with Eli, and I asked her about what Maki thinks of me. She said that Maki didn't want to talk about it, but she disliked me. Ouch. 

Although, Eli DID say that Maki had an older brother and an older sister who was married, but I knew those were big lies. She only had one sister, which was younger than her. I can't believe she lied, she wasnt the type of person to lie.

At January of 2014, I met a guy from the higher batch (can we call him vans). He made me realize that I was bisexual, that I loved Maki.

So, at April of 2014, I sent her my last message. I even confessed to her that I had a crush on her.

But at October (or so) I sent her another message through deviantart, admitting all faults.

I didn't expect her to reply, but when I checked my deviantart page again, she replied.

I'm too lazy to look up what she said, but she said that she forgave me, asked me how I was, and all. But she sent another message that said that we couldnt be together again, but we are good now.

I was so happy that I cried, screamed, and burried myself in the pillow. Literally. 

Until now, at sophomore year, I still see her. We're still not classmates, and our classrooms are far from each other, but each time I see her..my heart still tends to ache.

We are from different clubs (she is from the english club, while I am from the art club. If the art club wasn't so full, I think we would've been clubmates.)

Next school year, I have a horrible feeling that we will be classmates, due to the fact that I am pretty sure we took the art course. Our school will sort us by course next year, and I'm not sure what I will do if I were to be her classmate once more. Will I breakdown and cry in front of her? Or smile at her, and fall for her all over again? It's not fair. I still want to see her. 

I hope her mother will accept me one day, and I will be able to be close to her once again. I am okay with being "just friends", I just don't want to be apart from her. I hope she understands. 

Maki, if you're reading this, thank you. Thank you for letting me experience being loved, feeling loved. I'm sorry for being such a horrible person back then. Thank you so much.

[shadowhuntertrash]

High Notes

Chapter Six

Characters belong to Cassandra Clare

The day went by quickly and Thomas didn’t have much time to ponder the almost kiss he had with Alastair or the girl's from the coffee shop’s words until dinner that night. Lucie and Cordelia had gone and had an early dinner with Alastair and the other boys had decided to have a late dinner and go ahead and knock the rest of their rehearsal out. 

   James and Christopher were in a deep discussion about dress rehearsal they had tomorrow and Thomas found himself, once again, under the scrutinizing gaze of Matthew. Thomas moved the fry around on his plate, his hamburger long forgotten. He was too anxious to eat anyway. “Who started it?” Matthew asked in a quiet voice. Thomas raised an eyebrow, “Math I have no earthly idea what you’re talking about.” He said innocently shrugging, Matthew just glared.

   “Stop it, we both know you do.” They held eye contact for a minute and Thomas was reminded vaguely of a dominance match between dogs. Thomas gave up with a huff and looked back down at his fries again. “I honestly don’t know. I had a panic attack and then we were just walking and then it just kind of… happened. Lord, that sounds dull.” Matthew smirked at him and Thomas groans, burying his head in his hands. Matthew laughs softly and James looks over at them. “What are we talking about?” James asked, propping his chin on Matthew’s shoulder so he could see Thomas. 

   Thomas had sat in this booth first, Matthew had sat next to Thomas and then James, the social anxiety impersonation he is, sat next to Matthew instead of sitting in the booth with Christopher. Which led to Thomas, Matthew, and James being squished together and Christopher propping his legs up in his practically empty booth.

   They had to sit in the back because most places they go they get noticed by fans and won’t get any peace. It was a habit now (for their band and Alastair and the girls) to ask for a spot in the back or off in a corner somewhere when they went out to eat.

   “We’re talking about Thomas and Alastair almost kissing.” Matthew said as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Christopher choked on his drink and James looked at Thomas with wide eyes. “When did that happen!” Christopher said when he had stopped choking. Thomas was sure he resembled a tomato at this point.

   He hit Matthew, who was still laughing hysterically, in the arm and slumped further in his seat, hating his height more than anything at the moment. “When we found them, they were about to kiss and then we stumbled upon them and they didn’t.” Matthew frowned and slumped against James. “What a bunch of cock blocks we are.” Matthew said as if it were him that didn’t get to kiss someone he wanted to. 

   Thomas found himself laughing at Matthew’s forlorn expression and James’s still too wide eyes. “Nothing really happened. We were just walking and talking. We were actually trying to find you guys because I told Matthew twenty minutes and then I realized I was late because I didn’t have my phone on. Sorry about that Math, I know you worry. So I was trying to-”

   Matthew cut him off with a raised hand. “Stop rambling it’s okay. I was just picking and James was just a little shocked.” Matthew finished with a shape jab to James’ ribs which seemed to snap James out of his daze. James nodded enthusiastically before looking at Matthew with a wide smile. “Oh my god otp Matthew OTP!” Matthew and Christopher burst out laughing and Thomas slumped impossibly further in his chair. Why did they always have to pick on him?

   Matthew dropped his hand on Thoams’ shoulder and Thomas looked at him. Matthew was looking at him with a look that was strictly reserved for James, Thomas, and Christopher. A soft look that was often off-putting since he was constantly annoyed or making a joke out of everything and anything.

   “You know Tommy we only pick on you because it’s easy with how embarrassed you get. We love you and as much as I dislike Alastair I think you two would be good for each other. Plus,” He added a wink that made Thomas blush before he even heard the next part. “I think you could teach him some well-needed manners.” Thomas laughed softly and gave Mattew a pointed look. 

   “You really shouldn’t make fun of my pining, saying as it is not nearly as bad as yours was.” Matthew put his hand to his chest in mock hurt. “You wound me, Thomas. Anyhow even if that was accurate,” He turned to James and stuck his tongue out boyishly. “Which it wasn’t,” He turned back to Thomas who was smiling at his friends. “It isn’t my fault you’re too nice and didn’t pick on me when you had the chance.” Thomas rolled his eyes.

   It was common knowledge that Thomas was nice, it was why the fans had dubbed him the ‘Kind One’ or ‘Gentle Giant’ as some others called him. He hated that one thought, gentle giant, made him sound dull. They had dubbed Matthew as the ‘Sexy One’, James the ‘Mysterious One’, and Christopher, well Christopher was his own category.

   Thomas pushed Matthew playfully and Matthew fell back dramatically accidentally falling on James, causing him to fall out of the seat. “Jesus Math, be careful,” James said taking Matthew’s outstretched hand and getting back to his feet, Matthew was too busy laughing to listen to him.

   Thomas sat back watching them, his brothers by all means but blood, and smiled. How did he get so lucky?

   When it was time to go back to the hotel rooms, which they were staying in when they weren’t on the road, they all split ways smiling and wishing each other goodnight. Thomas followed Christopher to their room. There were two beds so Thomas knew he could stand staying with Christopher.

   Thomas showered as soon as they got to the hotel. Some people thought it was weird but Thomas showered twice a day and washed his hair at least once a day. Matthew always picked on it but Thomas just shrugged it off he didn’t feel clean if he didn’t wash his hair.

   Thomas took his time feeling the hot water wash off the stress of the day. As soon as he had got to the quiet hotel room the fans from the diner’s words came back to him. He knew he would spend too much time thinking about this.

   He got out of the shower about 40 minutes later and ran his towel through his hair shaking it out. He flopped gracelessly on the bed and groaned. Christopher was fast asleep on the bed next to him, the sound he was making strongly reminded Thomas of a lawnmower.

   Thomas grabbed his phone, turned the brightness down, as he began feeling the beginning of a headache, and read the texts he had received. 

Matthew Unfairchild:

Sleep well dream of your knight in shining armor <3

   Thomas scoffed and replied,

Tommy:

We all know I’m more into Prince Charming. <3

   He opened a text from Lucie and smiled at her picture. It was a picture from the first time they went to Disney World. No one else would go with her, Cordelia didn’t like it because she couldn’t stand the lines and decided it was no more magical than Six Flags. James and Matthew had claimed too manly (however it turned out they went two months before without telling anyone), and Christopher, bless his soul, wouldn’t stop going on and on about the mechanisms in the rides and that just made everyone untrustworthy of the shaky rides.

   So Thomas had gone with her and they had stayed for two days, riding rides and meeting characters. The picture that made her profile was of her in front of Cinderella’s castle with a bunch of fireworks going off in the background. She was mid-jump and a look of pure happiness plastered on her face, she had an ice cream cone in her hand however the ice cream was mid-fall.

   It was Thomas’s all-time favorite picture of her and he was quietly proud of his photography skills. Lucie’s parents, Tessa and Will had taken one look at the picture and demanded it be framed and hung on the wall of their house. Thomas was proud of that too.

   

Luce <33:

Matthew told me what happened. I'm so mad at myself. You two were finally gonna kiss and I messed it up I’m so sorry Tommy.

   Thomas laughed and shook his head. It seemed everyone was rooting for them and Thomas was quietly pleased. Thomas just hoped he wasn’t going off of false hope.

Tommy:

It’s fine sweetie don’t worry about it. I wasn’t thinking anyway.

   Thomas checked his other text to find pictures of Barbara’s engagement ring and a video of her telling our parents about her engagement. Thomas smiled slightly and watched the video with the volume on low knowing exactly how his mom would react. He did however have to turn it up when he couldn’t hear the video over Christopher’s snoring.

   He watched as Barbara casually, without words, held up her engagement ring for them to see. Sophie’s hands automatically came up to cover her mouth as her eyes started watering dangerously. Gideon however stared at it not comprehending yet. “He did not!” Sophie all but screamed. He listened as Barbara and Oliver started laughing. 

   Gideon’s mouth fell open slightly, understanding brightening his eyes. He walked over quickly and hugged her, Sophie joining quickly. The video ended then and Thomas sent his sister a text.

Tommy:

Aww! They’re so proud! I’m proud of you. It was about time Oliver took the next step! Love you tons miss you more!

   Thomas opened the last unread message and furrowed his eyebrows, it was an unknown number. Thomas opened it and felt a smile stretching across his face. 

Unknown Number:

Hey I asked Lucie for your number hope you don’t mind.

Unknown Number:

It’s Alastair btw lol

   Thomas let out a happy sound that immediately made him blush even though Christopher wasn’t awake to hear it. Thomas took a few calming breaths cursing himself for acting like a little girl with a crush.

Tommy:

Oh hey I don’t mind sorry for responding late

   Thomas stared down at the message, that was cool, right? Not too eager, not too pushy. Thomas sighed roughly and put his phone on the nightstand by their beds. Thomas closed his eyes and replayed the events of the day, the practicing, the boys trying to convince him to sing at a concert, the girl's words which were still ringing in his ears much to his dismay, and Alastair. 

   Daring Alastair with his stupid dyed hair and his face that lights up constantly. Thomas shook his head as if he could physically fling the thoughts from his head. He got up knowing he wasn’t going to be able to sleep yet. Christopher was making sure of that. Thomas knew in the back of his mind that he was probably going to end up in James and Matthew’s room.

   Thomas got up and picked up his guitar. It had been a long day and he had written a song but he didn’t want to play it for anyone yet. It was deeper than his normal ones, it was more just words he needed out of his head. Thomas huffs loudly the girls' words playing on repeat in his head, he could tell he was getting a migraine but he bit back the pain and started strumming.

I don't know why I just feel I'm better off

Stayin' in the same room I was born in

I look outside and see a whole world better off

Without me in it tryin' to transform it

You are out of my mind, oh

You aren't seein' my side, oh

You waste all this time tryin' to get to me

But you are out of my mind, yeah

Listen, I know

This one's a contradiction because of how happy it sounds

But the lyrics are so down

It's okay though

Because it represents, wait, better yet it is

Who I feel I am right now

You are out of my mind, oh

You aren't seein' my side, oh

You waste all this time tryin' to get to me

But you are out of my mind

Heard you say, "Not today"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound

Heard your voice, "there's no choice"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise

Oh, don't you test me, no

Just because I play the piano

Doesn't mean I, I'm not willin' to take you down

I'm sorry

I'm, I'm out of my mind, oh

I'm not seein' things right, oh

I waste all this time tryin' to run from you

But I'm, I'm out of my mind

Heard you say, "Not today"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound

Heard your voice, "there's no choice"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah, oh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah, oh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

You are out of my mind

You aren't seein' my side

You waste all this time tryin' to get to me

But you are out of my mind

Heard you say, "Not today"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound

Heard your voice, "there's no choice"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise

Buh buh bah, buh buh bah

Bah bah bah bah bah, bah bah bah bah bah

Buh buh bah, buh buh bah

Bah bah bah bah bah, bah bah bah bah bah

Buh buh bah, buh buh bah (Not today)

Bah bah bah bah bah (Not today), bah bah bah bah bah (Not today)

Buh buh bah (No, not today), buh buh bah (Not today)

(Oh nah nah no) Bah bah bah bah bah, bah bah bah bah (No) bah (No)

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

   Thomas sighed and sat his guitar down rubbing his forehead with one hand. He got migraines when he had stressful days, which in all honesty were more often than not. Maybe he could ask Matthew for migraine medicine, he was sure to have some.

   Thomas got up and jot down a message telling Christopher where he went in case he woke up, which wasn’t likely but he didn’t want to risk it. He put some sunglasses on because the yellow lighting in the halls made his head worse and walked down to James and Matthew’s room which was only three doors down.

   Everyone knew where the others were sleeping in case of emergency or if they just wanted to hang out. 

   Thomas was about to knock when he heard some noises coming from inside. He furrowed his eyebrows wondering the hell they could be doing to make that racket. He could hear the bed hitting the wall and realization dawned on him. Crap.

   Thomas whined softly knowing that he couldn’t get Matthew’s medicine now. He blushed furiously and walked away from their door quickly trying to erase the noises he had just heard. He sighed and shook his head stopping for a moment when a sharp wave of pain hit him and he stumbled slightly.

   Thomas put his hand on the wall and walked slowly to Lucie and Cordelia’s room slowly, waiting for the room to stop spinning. He cursed when he stood in front of the door. He knocked sharply not wanting to be too loud in case they were asleep. He stood there for a few minutes before he turned to head back to his room deciding to wait it out.

   The door opened as Thomas took his second step. Thomas let out a noise of relief. “Lucie-” He started softly before realizing that it wasn’t Lucie standing there, it wasn’t Cordelia either. It was Alastair.

   Thomas looked at him for a while trying to wrap his head around why Alastair was there before slowly realizing that this wasn’t the girls' room it was Alastair’s. Thomas groaned loudly and stumbled slightly. Alastair’s eyes, normally playful and joyous, were now darkening; he was practically scowling and Thomas shrunk away.

   “Lightwood please don’t tell me you’re wasted.” Alastair said glaring Thomas shook his head and promptly sat down when the room spun too fast. Thomas let out an exasperated laugh. Alastair was now looking at him with concern, all annoyance gone. “Lightwood what’s wrong with you?” He said squatting down so he was eye level with Thomas.

   Thomas looked at him in confusion before shrugging trying to ignore the pounding in his head. He hadn’t meant to be here and it was quite embarrassing to be a stumbling, collapsing mess in front of someone he cared so much to impress or at least not embarrass himself in front of. Alastair’s eyes narrowed, not a glare, but a look that said stop lying.

  “Thomas you all but collapsed in front of me and you’re saying there’s nothing wrong?” Thomas let out a small noise. “James and Matthew are shagging.” Alastair’s eyebrows shot up. That was obviously not what he was expecting, Thomas laughed. “And this affects you and I how?” Thomas closed his eyes, the pain radiating and pulsing in his head. 

   “I needed his medicine.” Thomas explained quietly trying to show him he needed to be quiet. He seemed to take the message because the next time he spoke it was significantly quieter. “Thomas, what medicine?” Thomas furrowed his brows trying to think of the name but giving up quickly when that just made the pain in his head worse. He really really hated migraines.

   “Thomas,” Alastair said, now kneeling in front of Thomas. He looked slightly desperate and Thomas took a moment to appreciate that he had never seen Alastair look like that before. “Thomas come on what medicine.” I pat his shoulder and stand up shakily. “It’s alright I actually meant to go to Lucie’s room.” 

   Alastair gave him a serious look and took his hand gently leading him inside the cold hotel room. “Thomas just come here. What medicine do you need?” Thomas didn’t even try to fight him, knowing Alastair was too stubborn to let him go easily. He was attempting to ignore the fact that his head was steadily getting worse and how his stomach was flipping dangerously. “Migraine,” Thomas said simply, answering Alastair’s question as best he could. Alastair looked at him wearily. 

   “Is that what’s going on? You have a migraine?” Thomas nodded and that was all it took to push him overboard. Thomas gasped and stood up quickly stumbling to the bathroom and barely making it in time to empty his stomach in the toilet. He felt a hand on his back and soothing words but the burn in his throat and throbbing in his head was all he could think about.

   “Thomas, I’m going to go get some medicine okay? Do you want me to stay or are you going to be okay for a minute?” Thomas just groaned in response and continued emptying his stomach contents. He honestly didn’t believe he had much in his stomach because he hadn’t eaten much that day but he was being proven wrong.

   He felt the hand leave his back and he threw up a little more before sitting back and resting his back on the bathtub. Thomas groaned in embarrassment when he realized that not only had he accidentally come to Alastair’s room, collapsed in front of him, and was dragged into his room, but he had also thrown up in front of him.

   Thomas didn’t get much time to ponder that thought because Alastair came back with pills and water. His face was calm but his eyes were slightly panicked. Thomas wondered if he was the only one who could see it or if Alastair just showed it obviously.

   Thomas took the water gratefully and drank it quickly, only stopping when Alastair put a hand on his and carefully lowered it, taking the glass with it. “I brought you some medicine too. It’s not migraine medicine but it should help a little.” Thomas nodded, head still throbbing, and took the small pills Alastair had offered him. He threw them back easily and swallowed them dry, taking the drink back from Alastair’s frozen hand.

   Alastair was watching him with a dark look in his eyes, something Thomas couldn’t place but he knew it wasn’t bad. Not the kind of look Alastair had when he thought Thomas was drunk. Thomas shuddered and finished the water. Alastair helped him up and put his arm around Thomas’s waist to keep him steady.

   Thomas flopped on the bed, not unlike he had earlier that night and sighed. His stomach didn’t feel as bad but his head was still pounding. Alastair sighed and sat up against the headboard, holding his arm out, inviting Thomas closer. 

   Thomas didn’t have to be told twice. He all but collapsed on Alastair’s lap. Thomas hummed contentedly as Alastair ran his fingers through his hair. Thomas grunted when he couldn’t find a comfortable position with his sunglasses off. Alastair gently tugged his glasses off and Thomas groaned as a new wave of pain hit him when his eyes saw the light. Alastair quickly blocked the light with his hand and leaned over to turn off the lamp.

The room was plunged into darkness and Thomas just cuddled deeper into Alastair’s lap. He could vaguely remember that this wasn’t his room and he shouldn’t be doing this but need to sleep, most likely due to the pills, was overwaying his ability to freak out properly. When Alastair started humming he couldn’t keep himself aware of much anymore. 

   One thing Thomas was aware of was the fact that Alastair’s fingers felt good in his hair. Thomas wondered what it felt like to run his fingers through Alastair’s hair. To bring his face closer. To kiss him. 

   There were so many things he wanted to do and a massive inability to do any of it. Thomas was decidedly ready to tell Alastair how he felt. If he were any more awake he might have even done it right then, but he knew he was far too gone to do it.

   Thomas listened to Alastair’s quiet humming and decided that he would tell him over a song. Thomas shifted slightly so his head was resting more on Alastair’s thigh and smiled tiredly. “Alastair?” The man in question made a noise in place of an answer. “I’m going to sing my song.” He realized too late that that probably made no sense whatsoever but it seemed Alastair understood because he beamed at Thomas and ruffled his hair slightly. “I’m glad. I love hearing you sing. I’m proud of you for deciding to do it.” 

   Thomas hummed non-committedly. “Only for you.” He mumbled before his eyes slipped closed against his will and his mind gave way to dreams. He could have sworn right before he fell asleep that he felt someone kiss his head, but he chalked it up to sleep and want.

[at-least-ill-die-a-lionturtle]

You know I'm going to make you answer all of the unusual questions too, right? (This is me asking you all of the unusual questions, btw. 👍)

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify, even tho I FUCKING HATE IT sometimes

is your room messy or clean? Clean af lol

what color are your eyes? Basic Bitch Brown™

do you like your name? why? Eh, its okay I guess lol

what is your relationship status? Blissfully taken

describe your personality in 3 words or less. Uhhhhmmmm uhhhhhhhhh fuck

what color hair do you have? Basic Bitch Brown™

what kind of car do you drive? color? The Invisible Boatmobile

where do you shop? The fridge, sometimes the pantry

how would you describe your style? Haphazardly

favorite social media account. Matthew McConaughey’s Youtube channel

what size bed do you have? Queen

any siblings? A younger sister, an older brother, and three older sisters

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? KFC.

favorite snapchat filter? I cant remember, but I really like that one that makes your face reeeeeeeeeeeal small

favorite makeup brand(s). ♪ Make me up (MAKE ME UP INSIDE) I cant make up (MAKE ME UP INSIDE) ♫

how many times a week do you shower? 2-3 times

favorite tv show? So much

shoe size? 9-10 depending on the shoe

how tall are you? 5′8

sandals or sneakers? Those little booties they put on cats

do you go to the gym? I go to Gymboree sometimes

describe your dream date. October 31st

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? HA. HAHA. HAHAHAHAHAHA. 

what color socks are you wearing? I got dem white Hanes biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch

how many pillows do you sleep with? One. And a pillow pet-esqe thingie. Its a fox :3

do you have a job? what do you do? Bitch on the internet and watch Youtube

how many friends do you have? So many

whats the worst thing you have ever done? Man thats one hell of a list Im not willing to pull out today lol

whats your favorite candle scent? I really like earthy smells. Like beachwood, silver birch, meadow showers, and sage & citrus

3 favorite boy names. Shane, Jason, Max(imillian)

3 favorite girl names. Kiera, Joyce, Beth(any)

favorite actor? I dunno Will Ferrell I guess

favorite actress? Uhhhh fuckin uhhhhh Winona Ryder

who is your celebrity crush? Ryan Reynolds

favorite movie? Lion King

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? Not as much as I used to, and not really sure

money or brains? In reference to what???

do you have a nickname? what is it? Beardie, Pigblap, Ol’ Montgomery, Turtleman

how many times have you been to the hospital? A few. Got my chin patched up once. One time I had cotton stuck in my ear

top 10 favorite songs. FUCK okay here we go: Cant Stop The Feeling - Justin Timberlake, Sufferer/LA Poderosa - Stick To Your Guns, I Believe In A Thing Called Love - The Darkness, Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus, Dancing Queen - ABBA, The Suspend - Stick To Your Guns, Engine 45 - The Ghost Inside, Say It Aint So - Weezer, Everlong - Foo Fighters, Im Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance

do you take any medications daily? I do, for my fucking heartburn BECAUSE MY BODY HATES ME

what is your skin type (oily, dry, etc)? Normal I guess, with dry tendencies. Especially after washing my hands, showering, swimming, etc

what is your biggest fear? Time

how many kids do you want? HA. HAHA. HAHAHAHAHA.

whats your go to hair style? My hair style is whatever the fuck it feels like doing that day. I learned and accepted a long time ago that there is little I can do to tame my mane. 

what type of house do you live in (big, small, etc)? Big

who is your role model? Pizza rolls

what was the last compliment you received? I honestly dont know lol

what was the last text you sent? I dont know man, fuck

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? I dunno, like 7 or 8 maybe?

what is your dream car? A 95 Subaru Outback station wagon, or a 2005 Ford GT

opinion on smoking? If you do, whatever. Just be mindful of other people. But I think its gross, and dont. And cant date anyone who does.

do you go to college? YOUR MOM GOES TO COLLEGE

what is your dream job? Musician/Photographer/Twitch streamer

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? I’d rather live in the city or on the outskirts. But where I live now is just fine

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? I do lol They just throw it away anyways

do you have freckles? I dont, but I has lots of birthmarks n stuff

do you smile for pictures? Sometimes, but rarely a full smile

how many pictures do you have on your phone? About 300, but some are duplicates

have you ever peed in the woods? Like, yeah lol

do you still watch cartoons? Fuck yeah. I love cartoons

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? ARE YOU MCFUCKIN KIDDIN ME??? 

Favorite dipping sauce? Depends on the day. And what Im dipping. Fries? Ketchup or fancy sauce (mayo & ketchup). Chicken nuggets or tenders? Boss sauce (my secret blend), bbq, sweet n sour, honey mustard, or ranch

what do you wear to bed? Usually just my underwear, sometimes shorts or pj pants when its cold

have you ever won a spelling bee? Nah but I was a boss at spelling tests in school lol

what are your hobbies? Slappin food together, playin vidya gaems, makin music on my tum

can you draw? Not at all

do you play an instrument? I play drums!

what was the last concert you saw? Uhhhhh FUCK I think it mighta been Purity Ring and HANA

tea or coffee? Coffee, but tea is nice too

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Dunkin Donuts

do you want to get married? Im already married to the ball fam

what is your crush’s first and last initial? DH

are you going to change your last name when you get married? Yeah I did when I got married. My full name is now Charles Cody Basketball

what color looks best on you? Purple, but also blue and orange

do you miss anyone right now? I do, I miss my friends back in VA

do you sleep with your door open or closed? Open, but I prefer closed

do you believe in ghosts? I diddlyiddly do

what is your biggest pet peeve? When the batteries in something go dead

last person you called? Prolly Alex lol I dunno

favorite ice cream flavor? Moose Tracks

regular oreos or golden oreos? REGULAR WHAT THE FUCK DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY EAT GOLDEN OREOS???

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? Both are good

what shirt are you wearing? None lol 

what is your phone background? This

are you outgoing or shy? Shy, but can be outgoing at times

do you like it when people play with your hair? 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

do you like your neighbors? I do, theyre nice folk

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? I do, just whenver I shower

have you ever been high? HIGH ON LIFE SON

have you ever been drunk? DRUNK ON THAT CAPRI SUN SHIT

last thing you ate? Cereal, Capn Crunch Donuts specifically

favorite lyrics right now. ♪ Make me up (MAKE ME UP INSIDE) I cant make up (MAKE ME UP INSIDE) ♫

summer or winter? Winter!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And also autumn

day or night? Oh yeah. This is a Kid Cudi reference. I get it. Im hip with the kids

dark, milk, or white chocolate? Milk, but white is nice too. I kinda only like dark chocolate when its those bomb ass Ghiradelli squares with the raspberry filling FUCK ME UP 

favorite month? Spooktober

what is your zodiac sign? Taurus

who was the last person you cried in front of? Alex

[williamkarlssons]

Even #s

2. is your room messy or clean?It’s...messy organized. Like, to a person other than me, it’s a mess. To me, I know where everything is.4. do you like your name? why?It’s alright. I do like the way it’s spelled (thanks, mum!)6. describe your personality in 3 words or lesssarcastic, bubbly, easygoing8. what kind of car do you drive? color?I actually do not have a car.10. how would you describe your style?I’m just a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl. No fuss, no muss.12. what size bed do you have?Queen.14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?Sweden. That’s been my answer to this question since I was 16. I’ve just been drawn to it; I really don’t know why. (The guys are a bonus, haha)16. favorite makeup brand(s)Ciate, Nars, Fenty Beauty is fucking awesome.18. favorite tv show?I’m a Netflix show girl, so...Narcos.20. how tall are you?5′6.5″22. do you go to the gym?I’ve gotten away from that. Wouldn’t mind starting up again, though.24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?$33 and some change.26. how many pillows do you sleep with?One.28. how many friends do you have?I only count 3 people as friends.30. whats your favorite candle scent?Probably Nirvana Black from Elizabeth & James and Diptyque vanille.32. 3 favorite girl namesRiley, Elaina, Halina.34. favorite actress?Don’t have one.36. favorite movie?Gone With the Wind.38. money or brains?Definitely brains.40. how many times have you been to the hospital?For myself, once...when I sprained my ankle. I was walking down the stairs, bringing some boxes downstairs, and my ankle just inverted and I ended up stepping down on it which made me fall down the last few stairs. That was fun.42. do you take any medications daily?Just two.44. what is your biggest fear?It really is just ending up alone, and that coming from me is LOL material.46. whats your go to hair style?Wearing my natural curls.48. who is your role model?Don’t have one.50. what was the last text you sent?‘Are you almost here?’52. what is your dream car?Just any kind of SUV.54. do you go to college?No.56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?Depends on what day it is. I like both, tbh.58. do you have freckles?No.60. how many pictures do you have on your phone? 483.62. do you still watch cartoons?No.64. Favorite dipping sauce?Don’t have one.66. have you ever won a spelling bee?Yeah, in grade school.68. can you draw? No, my brother got all that ability.70. what was the last concert you saw?The Weeknd.72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?DUNKIN.74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?If we’re talking about in everyday life, I don’t really have one. Other than that, take a guess.76. what color looks best on you?Burgundy.78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?Closed.80. what is your biggest pet peeve?SNORING. I CANNOT STAND IT. AT. ALL.82. favorite ice cream flavor? Rum raisin.84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?Rainbow.86. what is your phone background?Home screen: Swedish flag; lock screen: mountains with a full moon88. do you like it when people play with your hair?I hate it, actually.90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?Both.92. have you ever been drunk? More times than I can count.94. favorite lyrics right nowI might run off at any given timeDon't leave no notes there ain't no reason to lieGuess I haven't found what I'm looking forCan't keep my hands to myselfOr my eyes off the doorIs it any wonder that I'm on to the nextI'll be the first one to tell youAnd the last to forgetDon't let me drag you into this bitternessSometimes I don't even understand the half of it- Tristan Prettyman, Don’t Work Yourself Up (The whole song, really. Feels like I wrote it.)96. day or night? Night.98. favorite month?October.100. who was the last person you cried in front of? My mum.(THANK YOU FOR THIS, BTW!)

[datingadviceonreddit]

So I’m pretty sure this girl (named T) likes me. There are many things to support that and a few major clues to deny that. Let’s take a tour, shall we.The positives-She has told me she loves me-She has called me a snack and a full course mealShe will touch her hair around me-we are besties on snapchat (nvm I just lost it)-A year ago her friend said she likes me-Her Favorite time to talk is at midnight-She glances over at me during school and once even took a double turn to look at me-She smiles around me a lot-She laughs at all my jokes even things that aren’t remotely funny-She sends snaps with kissy faces-She has sent a bra pic-She sends a lot of pics of her in her undershirt-She definitely tries to look good in her selfies-One time she had me pick her nail color-She never has said she likes another boy-She usually will want to continue snapping me even after our conversation died out, but not always -She took a post shower towel snap-She once sent me a mirror selfie of her in this hot crop top-I stoped texting her August and then in December she texted me wanting to become friends again and then immediately asked if I had a gf-A week later I forgot to text her again and then we didn’t talk until February 25th and we’ve been in constant contact sinceThe neutral -She usually will leave me on opened at school after maybe like 10 snaps while at home she’ll leave me on opened after like 80-Some days she will barely snap me (usually the days after we have big conversations) (I’m also not in the mood to snap her during these days)-She is super shy in public (so am I)-She claims to have social anxiety-We are different races and I don’t know if she is attracted to white people but I know her parents don’t disapprove of interracial relationships as her brother is dating a white girl -We don’t have classes together-She said to me “boys suck” which I don’t understand what she meant (she’s straight btw)-Other boys have tried to make advances on her but she told them she isn’t interestedThe negatives -I’ve asked her out twice-The first time was a month ago when I asked her to go to the zoo. She wanted our friend to come along. (Her friend wanted to set us up last year) and then she asked if i had a ride and I said no. After that she said maybe but we didn’t go-The second time I tried to ask her to bowling like e weeks ago and she didn’t see the snap until the day before (I sent it Friday night she saw it Saturday afternoon) she said it depended if she had to workout and then I told her to update me the next day but the next day she had to go to the ER so she didn’t bring it up again-She wanted to matchmake me like 2 months ago and I was hesitant and made an excuse not to do it so then like a week later she tried again (I AM NOT SURE IF THIS WAS A TEST OR NOT)-She hasn’t FaceTimed me in 3 weeks (prob because she knew I didn’t like them)-Recently she asked me if she should go out with “a friend” I said “wut” and she replied “never minddd” and I am not sure if I was the friend she was referring to or notWhat does she want?I am planning on asking her out btwTLDR:Mixed signals suck via /r/dating_advice