#my brain is currently not one so I don't have the ability to respond with the level of care you deserve and I'm sorry for that

[lilithandherharlots]

Too shy to tell you

miguel o’hara x fem!reader

Miguel hides your heals in hopes of making you forget you ever owned a pair...he confesses about his theft during a hot and heavy night of sex.

Warnings: This might be interpreted as possessive or an unhealthy bond. Though its supposed to be just a very shy and respectful Miguel who let's loose during sex.:]

Authors note: I am not a writer!! This is my first time righting fanfic.. like.. ever!!! So don't attack me. Though honest, constructive criticism is something that I would love to hear. Sorry if there are spelling mistakes. Also, I don't know how to put proper description..... enjoy!!!!

:::

"Miggy?" I call out to my boyfriend who's currently towering over the coffee machine, waiting for it to brew.

"Yes, my love?" He responds with a look over his shoulder.

"Have you seen my black pointed heals? I can't seem to find them."

"No. Have you checked by the door?" He was lying.

He was lying. He was lying, and he didn't feel bad about it. The truth was he had stuffed them in the highest cupboard of the laundry room. He knew you couldn't reach it. He liked it that way. He couldn't let you open it since he had stuffed at least 4 pairs of heals in there.

"No miggy, they aren't here." You say after checking everywhere by the front door.

"Idk what to say, baby... we have to leave soon. Just throw on a different pair and I'll buy you some new ones later."

He was a liar... and he was damn good at it... until he wasn't.

:::

It was 2am. This insanity started hours ago, but Miguel's stamina wouldn't let down. Your soft moans could fuel him till sun rise, and he would love to do this forever. But unlike him, you have limits. Limits to your ability to stay strong, or at least keep yourself up right. But he doesn't really care. Your begs for a break won't succeed with a constantly starving man like him.

"One more round, please baby... please. I need you." His desperate begs caress your tear stained cheeks as he whispers them softly, leaning over you and filling you with sloppy thrust.

"Miguel- please.. It's too much.." You whine as you try to pull away, gripping desperately onto the sheets.

"Last one.... I promise..." he lies.

He said the same thing the last 4 rounds. If he could have it his way he'd continue. But he knew you couldn't keep going for much longer, so he used this opportunity to tell you what he couldn't bring himself to say otherwise.

"I lied..." he confesses. Watching your tits bounce with every rough trust, keeping himself busy while you tried to form a reply. It took you a while, but you managed to let out a soft hum, waiting for him to explain himself further.

"I took them. Your heels.. I fucking hate those things.." he thrust get faster as he says it. Hoping to make your brain foggy enough to not remember his confessions in the morning.

"I like your height, so why do you wear those weird things?" His heart felt lighter as he told you.

"I like that your height forces you to get on your tippy toes every time you want a kiss from me.. and even then, I have to bend over to reach you.... I like that you rely on me to reach those high shelves. Every time you ask me, you grow as red as a rose...."

You can feel his movements speed up. You can barely hear him... your mind fuzzy from pleasure. Lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin felt like white noise at this point. The dim shadow of his frame covering you completely.

"You're so small under me.. your body falls any way I bend it..." At his point, he was just speaking the first thing to cross his mind.

You didn't hear him, and he knew it. Seconds later, you feel his weight shift, the mattress by your head sinking under his heavy hand as he leaned in and whispered.

"Please don't take that away from me."

His words were demanding. He felt exactly what he said. Even though your eyes were shut tight, you knew his eyes were locked on you. His breath heavy, as if he just confessed a dirty secret. He kinda did...

"Promise me.... Promise me you won't wear them and I'll help you cum."

As tired as you were. You wanted it. You needed it. You needed him. So you give in.

"F-fine... I promise."

"You promise what?" He smirked hearing your whiney voice.

"I promise I won't wear the heels!!"

The pleasure he got from you saying that was immense. He shifted his weight once more as he changed your position like a marionette doll. Spreading your legs apart. His hands wrapped around your thighs, and his claws dug into your skin. The stinging pain of it was a wake-up call, causing you to gasp for air.

This position caused him to go deeper. The sticky mess from your previous rounds was being pushed out of your aching hole. The sound of his hips hitting your ass grew louder with every precise thrust. They got louder and louder until they stopped. Your thighs had clenched closed as you hit that high you were chasing. And you took him with you. Tightening around his pulsing cock in a way that made him fill you to the brim once more.

He watched your body shake. Your hips jerking forward. He would usually take that as his sign to keep going, but your fucked out face was telling him you couldn't take another thrust.

"You did great my love..... my little angel~" He cooed gentle praises as he rubbed your claw marked thighs.

"I'll buy you the cutest flats."

:::

A thing he didn't know.. is that you lied, too. His secret cupboard was emptied, and your heal collection was restored... and yes.. he pouted in silence.

The end

[girlbossblackbeard]

no notes + perfect analysis + kissing you tenderly on your mouth as well + excited clown honking noises

S2 TRAILER ANALYSIS WITH 1 BILLION SCREENSHOTS

obligatory warning that this post is gonna be SOOOOOOOOOOOOO foolishly long and rambling with all my silly little theories and thoughts and if you ALSO have silly little theories and thoughts you should ABSOLUTELY share them here please!!!! we can clown so much harder when our cacophonous honking harmonizes!!!!!!!

NOW ONTO THE POST (putting it under a read more so tumblr doesn't literally explode):

-the revenge looks BUSTED AF: i don't know if this is from general disrepair when ed is in his kraken era or if she was in a battle but her sails are all dirty in the opening shot of the trailer, and later we see stede on her deck with tattered sails and ropes everywhere, AND i'm like 99% sure that the shot of buttons ziplining from one ship to another is him going from the Chinese warfleet ship to the revenge, which i'm guessing is essentially stuck bc the sails are so torn they would never be able to catch the wind strongly enough to move her. I also wonder if the shot of roach shooting a canon at something is him shooting a canon at her since we had all those allusions to her exploding from samba, vico, and david on twitter all those months ago

-stede's earring: he DOES NOT HAVE THE EARRING when we see him lying on the deck next to roach and sighing dramatically nor does he have it during his conversation with Olu about stede dumping him, but he DOES have the earring in later shots like the beach english fight and when he's talking about being a failure his whole life which means WE WILL GET TO SEE STEDE GET HIS EAR PIERCED!!!!!!!!!! we'll get to see him make the decision to look even hotter and who knows who does the piercing for him idk!!!!!! @sluterastede had a dastardly beautiful thought in her brain about ed giving stede the piercing and stede making groaning noises and izzy once again thinking they're flapping their jacks right there on the deck in front of god and everybody!!!!!

-stede is spilling his heart out ("i let him down. i should've just told him how i feel") to susan on her ship (you can tell it's her by the long hair)

-interesting that there's a drawing of a donkey next to ed's wanted poster considering s1 had the line "a rich donkey is still a donkey". also i can't really read what the surrounding posters say other than "WANTED 20 GUINEAS". is this in the republic of pirates?

-stede says "i will find him" meaning ed may be actively avoiding stede at the beginning of the season???? (or the basic laws of travel physics have finally caught up to them)

-"look, captain, you know blackbeard's gonna murder you" i just think it's interesting that Olu is referring to him as blackbeard again even though ed told everyone in his pink robe era to call him ed. like it makes sense that he'd say blackbeard considering ed is on a rampage but it just made my brain wheels start spinning

-the Kraken crew are eating cake :)

-ed is holding a torch while letting the storm rain down on him: i don't think the laugh we hear is his because i don't think his mouth is even open during that slow-mo shot

-STEDE with a TEAR in his EYE as he says "i think i hurt him pretty bad"

-ed sobbing on the floor while the little bride cake topper is next to his head

-ed choking on the weed smoke i'm ACTUALLY crying, but also: where the fuck is ed when he's sitting in the chair smoking??? i thought it was on deck at first bc above his head is really dark and it looks like the lanterns we see on the deck of the revenge but there's a chandelier too?? it might be whatever shop Anne Bonny and her friend "you two know each other?" run bc behind ed in that chair is just a bunch of random furniture and a chandelier like we see when ed and stede are at the market. in fact, i think ed is smoking with Anne Bonny because I think that's her hand in the corner of that shot:

-"no more booze, no more drugs, and no more _____" not sure what the end of that sentence could be but we know that the "stede" that was put in there is NOT what he actually says!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-"you two know each other?" now hold on a sec because it kinda sounds like stede met Anne Bonny and Co. separately from Ed/before that market scene (maybe in the teaser clip of Anne on Stede's lap??) WHAT IF WE GET THE AITA SCENARIO WHERE ED AND STEDE TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR VERSION OF EVENTS AND NO ONE REALIZES THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT EACH OTHER UNTIL THAT MOMENT BC THEY'RE BOTH SO BIASED ABOUT ONE ANOTHER

-the evil guy definitely got his nose sliced off by Jackie. good for her :D I also don't think the evil guy is Hornigold, i'm still holding onto my theory that the man in the white rags we saw in the teaser and this trailer is hornigold's "ghost" that ed needs to contend with to find his inner peace or whatever a la stede with nigel's "ghost". but i DO think the evil guy is the rich prince dude from that leaked audition tape from rhys's friend. if memory serves, the guy wants to buy his way into the pirate lifestyle but he's pompous and entitled which makes him reckless. based off the production stills we also got today, he still had a nose when he went into Spanish Jackie's...but i don't think he leaves with one. so because he gets butthurt over invading a space that was NOT meant for him and faces the consequences of purposely disobeying their customs, he defects to the english navy and goes on a rampage against all piracy, very MRA energy :/ also, later izzy says to him "you don't know the first thing about piracy" which would further support that this guy just tried to buy his way in

-izzy gets an honest-to-god pegleg but he doesn't start the season off with it because we see him in several shots with both legs, like the wedding raid and swordfighting stede on the beach. unsure if he loses it due to infection from the toe situation or if he gets shot in the knee like i've seen some posts talk about, but @sluterastede mentioned that one of the leaked audition tapes for archie included dialogue about an amputation so maybe that character has to uh. Get Her Roach On

-as i mentioned before with the teaser analysis, izzy is clearly training stede for something and now im guessing it's the english but like we kinda knew that !

-olu is in a bar fight??

-THE "ED GETS CAUGHT IN A BUCKET ON A ROPE DURING THE STORM AND GOES OVERBOARD" THEORY IS OUT. THE "ED TIES HIMSELF TO A MF BIG ASS ROCK AND JUMPS OFF A GOD DAMN CLIFF TO GO ON SOME SOUL-SEARCHING JOURNEY UNDER THE SEA" THEORY IS IN. and what the FUCK is the rag man doing with ed up on that cliff hello?????? if my theory is correct and that is in fact hornigold's ghost or whatever, what advice or harmful shit is he saying that makes ed do that?????????????????????? but do note the large rock with the rope around it in the first pic

-the revenge crew is blowing up SOMETHING on the side of a building. maybe to cause a distraction or gain access inside the building? is it the side of Spanish Jackie's?? also hiiiiiiii lucius <3

-"our entire escape relies on this" i'm just assuming they're trying to escape from the english bc that seems to be the Big Bad of the season??

-not plot related but during the rope swinging training session izzy slaps stede on the ass and makes this face (sir??????):

>he also has his pegleg here so their mentorship may ramp up after izzy is out of commission for hand-to-hand combat. maybe izzy was supposed to have a larger fighting role alongside ed in defeating the english but once he became incapacitated he realized he would need to train someone else up for the job so ed would be sufficiently protected. but it also had to be someone izzy knew would be willing to die for ed to save his life if it came to that, just like izzy would

-"i've been a failure my whole life. it's not so bad once you get used to it" is stede talking to ed here? is that ed's hair in the corner of the frame??

>side note: as mentioned above, stede also has his earring by this point!!

-"you're going through that 'if i was a regular dude' phase" first of all, SPANISH JACKIE AND EDWARD TEACH BEST FRIENDS TRUTHERS RISE UP. second, why would ed be considered a regular dude now?? how did he lose his reputation? did he willingly give it up or was it taken from him? is this permanent or just temporary? or did he fake his own death with the cliff and the rock thing so he could retire and live a more normal life?? the swede doesn't seem scared of him at all in the final clip from the trailer, straight up asking him if he's poor and going "back to basics". of course, that could just be a power trip from being one of Jackie's newest husbands (or at least her waitstaff)

-possibly totally minor/just a continuity error thing, but: ed has a red ring. we saw it in s1 as he picks up the rather fine cashmere and we see it as ed dramatically drapes himself across the ship's helm with his head on his hand. we do not see it in the scene where he's smoking (see above) or the scene where he's talking to the rabbit. now, if you'll allow me a little bit of clownery for a moment, red has been explicitly coded in this show to be a symbol of love/the heart, especially as it pertains to edward like his red silk scarf as a metaphor for his heart in s1. what if. what if he. gave the red ring (his heart) to. SomeOne. because.....................because his heart belongs to st--[GUNSHOTS]

-olu, jim, and archie with garlic around their necks and making a cross with their fingers - clearly they think someone is a vampire on the ship. @sluterastede proposed it could be izzy, especially if he's on the brink of death due to an infection and frenchie managed to spread his superstitions to other people on the ship!

-THIS FUCKIN GUY. WHO ARE YOU??? it seems like he kidnaps stede and his crew and throws a party on the ship and drugs the drinks which is why everyone is kinda tripping/laughing in some parts. but then everyone gets tied down (stede to the mast, wee john's hands get squished, olu and roach's heads get squished, and jim and archie's feet get secured to the ship's railing i think??). also that wide shot is definitely the rando dude hitting some shrill high note at the same moment the revenge crew cry out in pain from all the squishing (except maybe jim and archie - they might just be laughing at the others bc they're badasses and this pain is nothing). also don't know what the guy is looking at when we first see him but im thinking maybe it's a wanted poster of stede and he's looking at the description of the gentleman pirate to confirm it's the dude right in front of him/that he's captured?? also i think roach is wearing flowers from the drug party in his apron when he fires that canon, so maybe he's tripping too and shoots a canon?? i need a prayer circle for the revenge's safety at this time

-stede has a bullet hole???????????????? did ed fucking shoot him in the heart?????????????????????????? he also notably does NOT have the earring in this scene but he does have the sexy stiddies (blue) shirt like we see in the other shot where he DOES have the earring. maybe this weirdo dude pierces stede's ear bc he thinks stede needs to look more piratey?? or stede gets absolutely sloshed (or drugged) and gets his ear pierced idk !!! maybe jim does it bc they're effortlessly cool and has a bunch of ear piercings!!!

-idk if this is a coincidence or not but i'm pretty sure stede in his training scenes with izzy is wearing the clothes he wore in that final shot of s1 as he rows to find the crew on the island (white linen shirt, dark pants, brown belt and boots). so either costume changes are happening later in the season, they're reusing outfits like normal people do, or the training montage happens extremely early on in the season

-so originally with the teaser trailer i thought ed falling in the water was followed by the shot of ed coming out of the water on the beach. i don't know if i fully believe that anymore because ed is NOT wearing his jacket on the cliff (see above), but he IS wearing it as he comes up out of the water, so either it's two different events and ed just spends a lot of time in the water this season or he puts his jacket on before jumping off the cliff

-ed his holding his right side as he slashes that dude on the beach so he definitely got hurt in battle but i hope it's not him getting stabbed bc ur supposed to cleverly take the sword on the left where all the unimportant bits are :(((

-I VERY STRONGLY BELIEVE that the person in the scene where stede turns around and shoots his gun into the air and everyone else on deck suddenly draws their weapons against that person is our boy lucius!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he's wearing a beret?????????? @sluterastede proposed that lucius got picked up by the english navy after getting thrown overboard and that's why we see him in the english navy garb (which we later see frenchie in too?? i believe an infiltration fuckery is afoot). also the fact that the shot immediately after this one is of Black Pete doing a happy little fist pump which i'm choosing to interpret as a cute little easter egg symbolizing Pete gets reunited with his love. i also also also believe lucius is in the shot of buttons about to zipline from one ship to the other. i missed him :')

-okay i know i said in an earlier post that stede running across the beach was romantic but i changed my mind and i think izzy is just making stede do cardio as part of his training lol. his outfit matches the one he's wearing when swordfighting izzy in that earlier wideshot and i think he even still has the scarf belt and the full beard in both scenes (explained at the end of this post via production stills) so maybe they have an honest to god training montage that takes course over several days and we get an incredible 80s powerballad to play on top of it while stede thinks of ed to motivate him or whatever. david jenkins hire me to help write season 3 i have ideas

-i think jim is behind stede as he breaks into the weirdly religious room we saw in the teaser when stede punches that guy??

-ed is pretty bloodied in the shot of stede leaning over him and saying VERY worriedly "ed????" so my theory is that ed got hurt in battle or he was taken captive by the Chinese warfleet and stede was worried he was grievously injured. however, once ed comes to and realizes who's kneeling over him, he gets pissed and headbutts stede because he's still mad at him for breaking his heart, and maybe his hands are restrained/his body is too weak so he can't push stede away. or maybe they had to begrudgingly work together on some mission and stede fucked it up and ed got hurt so he's mad about that idk!! ALSO HE'S WEARING THE CRAVAT HELLO

-ed in buttons's shirt looking so PEACEFUL what the HELL. obviously it's from the same general time as him being in Spanish Jackie's when she's talking to him about being a regular dude and later when the swede asks him if he's poor addkjfajdfhlkefh i fucking love this show and its writing so much. but ed says "no, i'm just trying something different man >:/" so i wonder if this is ed at the end of s2 or if this is more towards the middle as he's still in the thick of his healing journey. maybe buttons teaches ed about meditation and/or the tai chi he practiced with the Chinese warfleet crew??

-the BTS production still of ed with his "trust no one" tattoo also features what i believe is the treasure chest we see jim carrying off the ship in the shot where fang is smashing two dudes' heads together!

-i also think the BTS production still of stede with the beard is early on in ep 1 because he has a full beard (that im hoping someone on the revenge bullies him into shaving off to the scruff we see in the rest of the promo materials) and ALSO because he's wearing a long red scarf around his waist, which we never see again in any of the other promo material - except, however, around his neck as a makeshift cravat:

>it's the same exact material and everything! my guess is he gets his ass handed to him in a fight (maybe against izzy??) and his scarf belt gets destroyed, so he repurposes the shredded fabric into his necktie

-there's literal gold bars in the background of this production still lmao the kraken crew got BUSY during ed's goth era

>speaking of, the fucking hair dye dripping down izzy's forehead in this production still:

*sad clown noises*

in conclusion:

WE'RE BACK BABEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

anyway that's my second dissertation on less than 2 minutes of content that turned out to be quite literally 6 pages long :)

[lovesick-wonderland]

People Pleaser || b.ch

Summary: In which you can't say no.

Parings: Bull Hybrid! Bang Chan x reader

Warnings: DARK CONTENT, 18+, smut, manipulation, noncon, breeding kink, unprotected sex, manhandling, switch chan, mention of chan lactating, yandere chan, needy chan, chan rambles, pushover y/n, sub y/n, gender neutral y/n,

Minors please DNI

Disclaimer: this is a work of pure fiction. I do not condone the actions of any characters in this story and the actions do not reflect the idols in any way.

You always had a hard time saying no.

Whether it was saying no to your parents when they offered you more food or your classmate asking to copy your homework, you couldn't reject them. Just seeing their smiles drop, eyes get downcast, and attitude change was like having a knife twisted into your chest.

That's why it wasn't a surprise that you ended up in your current predicament, in the lap of shirtless Chan on your bed, facing him while massaging his swollen chest.

He was given to you by a coworker who bred bull hybrids you befriended. Chan was deemed 'defective' as a bull hybrid due to him occasionally lactating milk, which unfortunately never was enough to sell. During these episodes, Chan's chest would get swollen and red, which would require a lot of care. Since you lived alone, your coworker had deemed him a nusiance and you had a hard time saying no, she had 'gifted' you the bull hybrid.

Chan let out a groan.

"It's unbearable. Please, do something."

You try to leave to get a warm compress for his chest, hoping that would help to relieve to pain. However, as soon as you gave any indication leaving his lap, he grabs your wrist and pulls you back.

"No, please don't leave me. Your mouth, please. I need your mouth on me. It hurts so much."

You pause, giving him a confused look.

"Chan, I'm sorry but I don't think I should-"

"You said you'd take care of me. Right now, I need your mouth on me. It'll help to distract me from the pain, I promise." Chan urged, clearly becoming impatient.

Chan had never done anything to blur the boundaries of your relationship and he was always so kind towards you, helping you cook, clean, and even helping to pay the bills with a side-gig.

Hesistantly, you shift closer to him and attach your lips to his neck. Kissing and nibbling in the area while continuing to massage his chest to the best of your ability.

"Is this okay?" You ask, feeling unsure of yourself, lips brushing against his neck.

Chans breath hitches. "Yes. Please more. Move around, don't just focus on one area."

Complying with his request, you trace your lips lower, landing on the nape of his neck.

Chans resolve crumbles the minute you kiss his soft spot.

"I'm so so sorry."

You let out a squeak as you were pinned to your mattress.

"Chan...? What's going on? Is everything okay?"

Chan doesn't respond, not giving you much time to process as he rips off you bottoms, your underwear coming off too. He doesn't even remove his pants completely, only tugging it down to free his cock from its confines. He aligns himself to your hole, cock red and drooling.

You freeze as you feel his member against your enterance. "Chan-- wait-- I don't-- it's too big-- I can't-- please stop--" Your brain shortcircuits and you squirm, pushing against his chest. You don't want to hurt him.

"I'm so sorry."

He pushes in, rutting in short motions trying to ease himself into you unprepped.

You let out a sob and weakly hit his chest as you feel him sinking into you. You feel like you're being split in half and the burning sensation won't stop.

Chan shushes you and pins your wrists above your head. "It'll be okay soon. You're being so good to me, yeah? My good owner taking such good care of me."

Chan leans down and kisses away your tears tenderly, as if he wasn't harshly rutting into you at a punishing pace, not even giving you enough time to adjust. You lay there under Chan limp, unable to do anything other than take what he gives you.

"You feel so good, so nice and tight around me. It's like you were made for me. Fuck, I'm so lucky I got such a sweet owner like you. Someone else other than me might've snatched you up if it weren't for me"

Chan changes his angle, hitting a spot in you that instinctively makes you tighten up and your toes curl. He seems to take notice and abuses that spot.

"I've dreamed of this for such a long time. I want to start a family with you. Breed you. You'd make such a good parent with me. You won't need to rely on anyone but me."

Your cry harder as feel your last ounce of the control you had over your body slip away. Chan kisses you and your orgasm hits you. Chan doesn't give you time to rest as he continues his onslaught, putting his weight on your wrists and chasing his high.

"Fuck. Take my cum. Take it like the good owner you are."

You feel it as he stills in you. You can feel it as he throbs inside you, painting your walls white with his thick cum.

Chan lets out a sigh as he pulls out, cum oozing out of your puffy hole.

He gives you another kiss before flipping you over onto your stomach while pinning your legs down with his. You slump down, eyes fluttering closed, cheek pressed against the mattress. Exhaustion fills your body to the point of which you can't even speak or move. Dread fills you body as you feel his hard member against your hole.

"One round shouldn't be enough to get your pregnant right? Guess we'll have to go a few more times."

[xthe-writing-vampirex]

Hi I have a question! Um I know you wrote it like a while ago, but do you think you will do a part 2 of the mechanic y/n with the animatronics? The one where she has a fear of them. If you do a second part do you think you can tag me?

Mechanic Y/N Part 2

Word count: 1,732

Finally got around to actually writing another part to this! It's looking like my brain is actually letting me write again and I couldn't be happier. I hope this went in a direction you like. I figured I'd try to give Y/N some one on one time with Chica since I don't think I've ever actually written that. I'll probably try to do the same with Roxy at some point as well but I figured Chica would be the most likely to be able to actually calm Y/N down. Anyway I hope you like it!

🌿🌿🌿

Your brush with a very grumpy Monty left you shaking and desperately trying to find somewhere you could actually be alone and try to calm down. Being around your bosses or coworkers like this would definitely not bode well for you. You honestly doubted they would fire you due to something like this but they would question your ability to properly do your job and you just couldn't let that happen. Spotting a nearby janitor's closet you rush over, opening the door and stepping into the surprisingly large space. The closet is full of the typical cleaning supplies and back up parts but it also opens up to what looks like a walk way that could serve as a back way to get from place to place. Closing the door behind you, you move forward, curious about the odd space you've found. When you round the corner however you notice a charging pod, blue lightning bolt glowing to signal someone is in it. You look up towards the little window that lets you see inside and your eyes land on the familiar face of the papa bear himself, Freddy. He doesn't notice you at first, eyes closed as if he's sleeping. It stands to reason that recharge is sort of like sleeping for them so it makes sense he would treat it like that. Curious, you step closer, watching the bear for any sign he might wake up. Unfortunately for you, with your focus so intently on Freddy you don't notice a piece of metal tubing haphazardly placed against the nearby wall. Your foot hits it, causing it to fall down with an audible clank. You flinch, looking up towards the bear again hoping it didn't alert him to your presence. Unfortunately for you, Freddy is a light sleeper.

“Y/N? What are you doing back here? Most of the staff don't come back here unless they're looking for something. Is there anything I can help you with?” The bear asks, stepping out of the charger and causing an audible hiss when the door opens. He steps down, looking down at your small frame and waiting for you to respond to him. Meanwhile you can't get your mouth to actually open and form words, too terrified by the sight in front of you. You're extremely close to the bear, face only coming up to his stomach hatch area. “Uh…..Y/N? Are you alright?” He asks, noticing you seem completely frozen and unable to talk. He's not sure what's going through your head but he's certainly not used to this sort of reaction from people, even in the past you'd never done this. Then again you'd avoided ever actually being this close to him. Eventually the bear gets down on one knee so he's more eye level with you, trying to snap you out of whatever trance you're currently in. “Superstar?” He says worriedly, moving to put a hand on your cheek. The movement knocks you out of your trance and you immediately move away from the bear, leaving him stunned with his hand still in the air.

“Y-Yup! I'm totally fine Freddy! See you later!” You reply quickly, wanting nothing more than to get away from the animatronic. First Monty and now this? God could you really do this job if you were this scared? Freddy pauses, bringing his hand down and trying to figure out what's going on here.

“Y/N. Wait a moment. I know something is wrong. Your heart rate is elevated and you seem to be going through a panic attack. How can I help?” The bear asks, causing you to stop and give him a rather rushed and fake smile.

“N-No no! No panic attacks here! I don't know what you're talking about Fred!” You reply, still frantically trying to think of a way to get out of this situation. “Gotta go check in on some of the staff bots! See ya!” You reply before quickly moving away from Freddy and out of the janitor's closet, leaving the bear still down on one knee and completely stunned by the whole interaction. Was it something he said?

After that ‘terrifying’, at least in your mind, interaction you head towards an out of place little hallway, shaking all the way there and trying to catch your breath. Freddy hadn't done anything scary persay but just being that close to that big of an animatronic scared the absolute shit out of you. Again you question how the hell you're going to do this job if you can't even get close to these robots without having a panic attack. Letting out a sigh you let your back fall against a nearby wall, sliding down it until your butt hits the ground. Should you just quit now? You'd been able to handle taking care of the simpler robots around the place but maybe that's just because they're closer to the size of normal people and unable to really do what the main four could. Sighing once again you put your head in your knees, trying to calm yourself down so you can go back out and actually do your job.

Just then you hear the familiar sound of an animatronic as they walk, getting closer and closer. Your head pops up immediately, eyes landing on the relatively short form of Chica, who thankfully is around the same size as a typical human female being the shortest of the group. Before you can protest the chicken comes and sits down next to you, smiling warmly at you.

“Hiya rock chick! Freddy told me what happened. I figured I'd try to find you and see if I could help ya out!” The chicken says cheerfully, You sit there nervously eyeing her and she eventually puts two and two together. “Would it help if I move away a bit, sweetie? I don't want to scare you or cause you more anxiety.” She explains, your look of confusion at what she says answers quite a few of her questions without you even having to say a word. The chicken moves away a bit, sitting with her legs closed and to one side. “Look sweetie. I'm not sure what we've done to scare you but none of us are out to get you. We just want to make sure you're okay. Freddy is worried sick about you and is convinced he did something wrong.” She explains, earning a confused look from you once again. You can't get over just how lifelike these beings are. They're unlike literally anything you've worked on before and they seem to have their own thoughts and feelings. Biting your lip nervously you try desperately to think of something to say to her, feeling kinda bad for worrying Freddy like this. Though to be fair you weren't even aware he could actually worry like this.

“You don't have to talk if you don't want to Rock Chick. I don't want to make this any more scary for you.” Chica states, keeping her movements slow and visible while monitoring your heart rate and breathing. “I do want to know though. Did we cause this in some way? You can just shake or nod your head if you want.” She explains, smiling when you shake your head no in reply. “Oh good. I was scared maybe Monty did something that freaked you out, or Roxy. I love her but she can be so blunt sometimes.” She rambles, which surprisingly is actually helping to calm you down. Despite knowing Chica is an animatronic she's actually extremely like a normal human in size and personality, like a bubbly friend who loves to talk. “Is it the whole size thing? Seems to make the parents a bit nervous too.” She continues, pausing to see if you'll shake your head in reply which you eventually do, a nod to be exact though the size thing isn't the only thing about them that scares you.

“I-Its a lot of things….” You manage, Chica playfully gasping in response.

“It speaks! Well I can't say I blame you for being nervous Rock Chick. Those boys make even me nervous sometimes. Especially when Monty gets angry and messes up his room. I think that would scare anyone. We really don't mean any harm though…..well me and Freddy don't. He's just a big teddy bear…..and I don't think Roxy or Monty do either, they're just difficult sometimes.” She replies, still smiling warmly to try and reassure you. “It's totally okay to take a while to get over this too Rock Chick. But I'm happy to help however I can!” She finishes, smile still bright as the sun. She puts a hand out for you, waiting for you to make a move to actually grab it. She doesn't have the sharp claws like the others do and her hand more or less just looks like a humans for the most part, like you can still tell she's an animatronic but at least they tried to make her more human like. You pause, staring at her hand for a few moments while she patiently waits to see if you're willing to take it. Eventually, albeit hesitantly, you put your shaky hand into hers and the happy little smile that she gives you when you do makes you smile a bit in response. How could you not? She just seems so happy that you actually gave her some trust.

“There you go sweetheart! Well done, I'm so proud of you!” She praises, making you blush a bit in the process. “Awe, you're so cute when you blush! You should do it more often, cupcake. Do you want to come hang out in my green room so you can calm down? We can get you some sweets and have some girl time hm?” She suggests, causing you to pause for a moment. You're worried about being seen by the others but are hoping maybe Chica will send them a message and tell them to leave you be for a bit, actually the chicken thought to do just that as soon as you nodded your head in response to her question. She bounces happily before carefully standing and starting to help you up. “Yay! Let's get to it, Rock Chick!” She states happily before beginning to lead you back towards rockstar row and to her room.

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

levi drabble? no. 12 please <3 ooh but flip the tables, its levi saying it or dont- okay i cannot decide-

I LOVE THIS???????

also i hope i characterized him okay enough lol. i'm writing this at work in between clients soooo

come torture me with this drabble challenge!

#12: "i wish you wanted me"

Want | Canonverse Fluff Oneshot

✧ word count ➼ 1k ✧ notes ➼ canonverse, captain!reader, mutual pining, this accidentally turned into a oneshot lol

"Captain? Captain, your orders?"

The scout's voice seemed muffled. All of Levi's senses seemed muffled. His gaze was only fixated on one side of the forest, desperately trying to pick up any visual or auditory cues.

"Captain?"

Levi finally got dragged back into reality with that third prompt from his subordinate. Having been fixated on only one thing, anything discussed within the past 5 minutes had been completely disregarded.

"What?"

"Your orders? There are Titans approaching from the left and right flanks," the scout said nervously.

It wasn't like Levi to be this scatter-brained. He always knew what it was that he had to do and he most certainly never missed out on vital information that was being told directly to him. He was overly distracted and it was affecting his ability on the field.

You were currently fighting on the left flank. Another newer squad was fighting on the right. He knew which side he had to go to for reinforcements.

He desperately wanted to go to yours. He wanted to make sure you were safe. He knew it wasn't anything other than a foolish, selfish emotional whim. You were more than capable of taking care of yourself and your squad. Strategically, he had to go to the right flank to maximize their chances of survival.

After clearing out the Titans, the Survey Corps formed a small fortified camp to rest and patch up any wounded before continuing the expedition.

You were currently in front of a campfire with your cloak and uniform jacket thrown off to the side. The only thing you kept wearing was the tank top that was usually underneath your uniform. The only reason for this was to expose your right bicep, which had gotten deeply scratched during your battle fending off the Titans. You had spent the last hour having Levi patch it up after he noticed you struggling to do it on your own.

He was awkwardly quiet the entire time, as if something was deeply on his mind.

"Did your squad do any better?" you asked, breaking the silence.

He grunted. "Not really, but at least no one died."

Simply being able to come out of an expedition without anyone dying was a miracle. Although no one on your squad died either, it was primarily because you had to go in multiple times to save them yourself. It probably would've been more efficient if you went in alone.

"You should really re-evaluate your squad," Levi said bluntly.

Your eyebrows scrunched together as you scowled at him.

"Don't be so arrogant," you scolded. "Not everyone has the advantage of your bloodline."

"Tch," he responded in irritation. Every single time someone attributed his capabilities to his Ackerman heritage made him want to punch something.

"It's not that," he said, matching your tone. "My squad doesn't need me to constantly risk my own ass to save them."

You rolled your eyes.

"Well, good for you, Levi. I'm glad that you're satisfied with your subordinates," you said dryly. "Can you quit being dissatisfied with mine?"

He let your arm go and set the bandages off to the side, irritated by your unexpected commentary.

"I'm not joking around, _____. You shouldn't have to be constantly risking your life out there because of your subordinate's mistakes."

You groaned and slightly pushed him away now that he was no longer treating your arm.

"Why the hell do you even care so much?"

Deep down, you knew. Deep down, he knew. It was quite a while ago, but you both could recall a time in which you two were dancing around the concept of romantic feelings for each other.

Of course, it never progressed to anything. It wasn't appropriate and you didn't want to start a scandal. He was still your superior at the time.

Levi parted his lips to speak, but it took a few seconds for any words to come out.

"I can't stop thinking about you when you're on the field," he said quietly. "And it's a pain in the ass to not be able to focus."

You blinked at him, confused as to where he was going with his comments.

"Why?" you asked. "Am I doing something wrong? I'm not your subordinate anymore, remember?"

He exhaled in almost what seemed like a defeated fashion as he looked away.

"I just," he said with his voice barely audible, pausing as if he was unsure if he should mutter the words that were about to come out of his mouth.

"I wish you wanted me."

Your eyes widened as those deeply buried thoughts and feelings were brought to the surface. You had assumed that he had moved on. After all, it has been some time that you had been promoted to a Captain yourself, yet it was never brought up.

You looked down and shuffled a bit, adjusting your position to be a bit more comfortable.

Finally, you looked up at him, seeing that he was now glancing at you too.

"Who says I don't?" you said quietly before shooting him a small smile.

You saw a sight that you never thought you'd see.

Levi Ackerman was paralyzed. He looked like he couldn't move. He looked like even if you reached out and pushed him off the seat that he'd remain unmoving.

Levi was not expecting your response. He had continuously told himself that you weren't interested and that anything resembling a confession would be a waste of time and would only bring him shame. He wasn't expecting anything good to come out of it.

"I'd be lying if I said that I never thought about how much I want you to want me too," you said, shifting a bit closer to him, placing your hand on his.

Feeling your touch oriented him back to reality as he looked into your eyes. He didn't know how to process this. He had held onto that feeling of rejection, telling himself that he never wanted to feel that way again and that he wouldn't put himself in that position again.

He never expected anything good to come out of those words that he had muttered—but it did, giving him something new, fresh, and hopeful to hold onto.

A/N: this is the pouty face i imagine him making as he says the line ;aljf;alksdf he's so cute i can't

[iamvegorott]

Magicians Don't Need Superheros Pt30

First: Link Prev: Link Next: Link

----------

Marvin went to the library after the meeting ended and got breakfast with Jackie. He didn't have much of a choice since Jackie insisted everyone needed breakfast. The man even casually split an apple with his hands when Marvin said he wasn’t too hungry. Marvin would freely admit that he asked for a second half of an apple to eat because he wanted to see Jackie do the apple-splitting trick again. It seemed to be about placing the pressure in the right spots rather than just pure strength alone. 

Anti had teased that Marvin asked for another half because he wanted to see Jackie’s muscles, and Marvin responded by throwing an apple half at him. 

Marvin cut the core out of the remaining apple half he had and ate it during his trip to the library, and he now sat in one of the chairs, reading the last few pages of a magic book and writing down notes. He had stopped by his room and grabbed the romance book. It was currently sitting on the coffee table and waiting for him to continue reading it. 

Marvin was closing the magic book when Mad walked into the library. Mad stayed in place and waited for Marvin to finish writing down his thoughts before speaking.

"Hello." Mad greeted with a slight wave.

"Hello." Marvin greeted back, standing up. "Did you already talk with the others?"

"Yeah. I gave them the coordinates Host saw." Mad started walking, moving around the library in a way that told Marvin he knew where most things were and was likely looking for the change in the room where the newest books would be. Marvin followed out of curiosity and continued their conversation.

"Did Host have any questions about why you wanted to know where the Iplier is?" Marvin asked.

"No. He would actually be more concerned if I didn't ask." Mad softly chuckled, stopping in front of the collection of magic books. "Some of these are thinner than I expected." He commented as he ran his fingers along the spines of the books.

"The thinner ones focus on one specific spell," Marvin explained. "And what all do you talk to Host about? He seems so...I can't even find a word to describe the energy he puts off, but it doesn't match yours at all."

"Host and I are a lot more observant than everyone realizes or remembers until we bring something up." Mad picked a random book and looked at the cover, using a thumb to trace the swirling patterns. "With my empathetic abilities, I can tell many things about everyone, and Host helps me translate what it means. In turn, I help Host translate the more obscure visions since my brain processes information differently."

"What all can you tell with emotions?" Marvin didn't question when Mad handed him the book and started grabbing several more.

"Blood tells a lot about the physical being, emotions tell a lot about the mental being," Mad explained, looking at the collection of books in Marvin's arms, and began stacking a few more into his own. "There's always the basic knowing if someone has a crush based on affection or lust or if someone doesn't like something based on hatred or disgust, but there's a lot more to emotions than just the surface level."

"Everything has more than just the surface level." Marvin took one of the books off the stack Mad held when he noticed he was struggling with it. Mad's stack was nearly double what he held so he took some to help balance him out.

"Thank you and absolutely." Mad nodded. "For example, Jackie's fear of medical extraction. It's not a phobia he was born with, and it's a fairly specific fear as well. The...not to sound gross about it, but the only way I can describe it to others is as 'taste'."

"Makes sense." Marvin shrugged.

"The taste of Jackie's fear is a trauma-based one. One that was created by some event, and I want to help him and take that fear away, but Mare says I'm not allowed to use that ability." Mad huffed at the last part.

"What ability?" Marvin asked as he walked with Mad as they made their way back to the sitting area of the library.

"Do you mind if I use some of the notebooks? I forgot to bring my own. I can replace what I used later." Mad skipped over Marvin's question. That meant either he didn't want to talk about it or wasn't supposed to talk about it.

"Have at them. I've written my name on the ones I'm using." Marvin decided to let that drop for now, knowing there was a good chance he'd eventually get Mad to spill it without having to push. Jackie also may know what it is, and he'll just ask him at dinner.

"Have you gotten into the blankets yet?" Mad asked as he sat his pile of books down on the other end of the coffee table, Marvin following suit.

"The blankets?"

"There's a collection of blankets and pillows in this closet." Mad went over to said closet and opened it up. "There's also book lights and mug warmers." He added as he dug away and pulled out some supplies.

"I had no idea." Marvin peeked into the closet and was impressed with the collection. Some of the blankets were beyond soft and fluffy, and he couldn't resist pulling one out for himself.

"I discovered it when I was first exploring this place. The buildings that are created for us have a lot of little nooks and secrets that you have to look for in order to find." Mad made a little mound with the blankets and pillows.

"Looks like I need to start being a little more nosy." Marvin hummed to himself.

x~x~x

Marvin read through a few more pages in a new book before giving up on it and indulging in the romance book once again. He really needed to know what happened next.

He wished he had found out about that closet sooner. It was so nice being curled up in the chair, covered with a fluffy blanket, and reading his book. The temptation to take this blanket to his bedroom was strong.

Everything was nice and calm, but Marvin did notice that Mad seemed to be...watching him? The first few times Marvin felt like eyes were on him and found Mad staring, he thought he was just lost in thought. He's had his own moments of looking off at nothing while trying to figure something out in his head. They were sitting right across from each other, so he assumed it was just a coincidence.

But now he was doubting that with how Mad looked away so quickly.

Marvin only had one chapter left and he closed his book, getting out of his seat and making it look like he was heading off to look through the shelves. He waited until Mad was back in the zone of reading and taking notes before taking soft, silent steps to be behind him. Marvin grabbed the back of Mad's chair and yanked, making it and Mad fall backward. Mad yelped and found himself on his back with his legs in the air and looking up at Marvin, whose hands were on his hips and he tapped his foot.

"Why are you staring at me?" Marvin asked.

"Staring at you? I-what-I wasn't-" Mad sputtered a bit, eyes becoming the bright orange Marvin saw when he first learned about the color-changing.

"Why were you staring at me?" Marvin asked again, using a firmer tone.

"I wasn't staring I was...well...I was studying."

"Studying?"

"Yeah, studying. You're new so I don't have a full baseline of your emotions. I can pick someone out of the crowd when I know their emotions. Everyone's emotions project in different ways. I haven't been around you enough to find yours so I was...studying." Mad explained.

"That's it?"

"Yes."

"Alright." Marvin grabbed Mad's hand and helped him to his feet. "Here's the deal. No more 'studying' me without telling me and my permission."

"Okay." Mad lifted the chair back on its legs.

"And how were you getting my range of emotions by staring at me?"

"I've read the book you're reading. I know when the scenes happen and I can notice even the slightest bit of emotional change when I'm focused on it. Reading involves enacting emotions, even mildly, so it was a perfect time to get a speed run on my studying of you."

"What have you gotten so far?" Marvin glanced over at the clock to check the time. Jackie would be barging in to tell them it was time for dinner at any moment. Chase had shown up at lunch and gave them both some sandwiches and fruit.

"You really enjoy whenever the main characters have a...'moment' together. You were literally radiating excitement when they finally got together. The kissing scenes and love confession and chapter twenty-five." Mad's voice got softer with the last item on the little list. The orange in his eyes turned into a redder shade.

"I think you really liked that chapter." Marvin teased and watched the red-orange grow stronger as Mad's face went pink.

"I-I could also tell that you really like the protagonist's partner, Kalvin. The firefighter or 'hero' as the others in the story calls him." Mad spoke quickly, trying to get back to the topic at hand. "I noticed that whenever Kalvin did something one would call 'heroic' the emotions you had about it are similar to the ones you feel for-" His sentence stopped when the library doors opened and Jackie barged in.

"Time for dinner!" Jackie said with a big proud smile.

"Yeah. Definitely the same emotions." Mad said to himself.

"Are you sticking around for dinner?" Jackie asked Mad.

"I should head back to my place." Mad awkwardly pointed with his thumb before taking his phone out. "I have something I need to look into and it's not...here." He paused and looked between the two Septiceyes. "Bye." Mad turned and rushed out of the room.

"He left a mess," Marvin stated.

"He'll probably be back tomorrow to read more. You can leave it for him to deal with," Jackie said.

"Fair." Marvin picked up the fluffy blanket. "So, dinner?"

"Yeah! I was thinking chicken or spaghetti." Jackie bounced a little as he walked with Marvin.

"Could do both with chicken alfredo," Marvin suggested.

"I have no idea how to cook that."

"I can figure it out."

"That sounds dangerous in a kitchen."

"Only if you're the one doing it."

"Hey!" 

[harrowharks-iliac-crest]

The River

Worldbuilding/Lore

<< Previous: Lyctorhood | Masterpost

-

So, okay, bear with me here. I think these people's brains are fundamentally different from ours. And I think their brains are spiritual matter, contained in a brain-shape and perhaps even anatomically so. There was talk of a temporal lobe, after all.

Mind you, memories don't just get stored in one place in the brain. The hippocampus is crucial for formation of memories and storing them short-term - for a few months, maybe. After that, I was told in my studies we don't quite know where they go - likely stored in different parts all over the brain, connected to associations.

One thing I do know, however, is that you can't physically see which parts of the brain relate to which memory. Knowing this from necromantic ability should be a skill even Mercymorn would struggle with. Harrow, a bone magician, knows she is not the best flesh magician, so she enlists Ianthe's help for her lobotomy. Ianthe, allegedly the best necromancer in her generation, is actually able to do an alright job, except for one part where Harrow does some herself. Have they found ways to look at memories through the brain? By all current available science, I would rate that fairly impossible. Either science has progressed wildly in this (possible, given the whole ass myriad and then some), or these brains are not the same.

I actually think brains in this are made from much the same matter that The River is. The River is clearly not of Alecto or John's invention. It was discovered somehow, and when they resurrected everyone, they basically found the revenants for the bodies, and just stuck them back in, literally; pockets - or bubbles - of River, containing the revenant exactly, replacing the goopy mess of dead brain in the body.

Now your brains are goopy messes of river, made to look like what you expect the brain to look like. Your perceptions, expectations and rules are important in the River - it makes sense that River/Revenant-brains would still be brain-shaped. It means the brain is more fluid than that, though; in the Lyctor's cases, one soul - one brain - "takes over".

(Doesn't really explain why Lyctors like God, Augustine and Mercymorn consistently have their cavalier's eyes - other than maybe it was just that that's what they were expecting.)

Ok, so I kinda think brains are parts of The River. Coherent as revenants, living in bodies. This would have been the case for the first people who were resurrected a myriad ago - so when they create babies, the baby's brain is also River water, for want of a better term? Therefore everyone's is? And Death, in this post-resurrection world, is just returning to the River proper?

It's a working theory.

The River is a physical place, and also kind of like sub-space. You can enter it, you can form pockets of meaning in there, you can hunt things in there and make wards. You can use it to travel quickly to destinations many lightyears away. It is a physical place, but also a spiritual one. It is, essentially, the brain matter of billions, jumbled together, increasing in entropy with depth, all the way down to the stoma, where you can enter full entropy and be reduced to particles, as I understand.

Did you know that some scientists use entropy to describe brain processes? Entropy increases in the brain as it responds to stimuli. The concept of entropy is necessary for explaining what goes on in the brain, an organ of trillions+ of possible configurations, changing moment by moment. And what happens physically in the brain is perceived by us through a range of associations and thoughts and feelings, which all look and feel very different to the electric charges zipping along nerve axons and synapses releasing chemicals to trigger a reaction in the next nerve along. Which is (a gross oversimplification of) what actually physically happens inside our brains, millionfold, every millisecond.

Hey wait a second though. The Central Nervous System also includes the spinal cord. Is this included in the RiverBrain package deal? What about peripheral nerves? Right, I'm gonna stop this here, it's already one hell of a rabbit hole.

So if I'm right, then brains are made of River, and River is made of Brains. Sub-space, physically traversible brains. If planets, if stars have a soul, the whole Universe has a soul. The River could a manifestation of the Universe's soul, its collective Brain, and it encompasses all once (and future?) living things. It's not in our plane of existence, but can be accessed physically and mentally.

The River might be the source of necromantic ability, and I think either John or Alecto figured out how to access it. I Just Don't Think You're Supposed To.

Ok, let's get into Characters next. Blorboposting incoming.

>> Next: Gideon Nav

[pencil-peach]

Thinking about Guel Jeturk (Pt 1)

He is such a cool character. He's such a genuine piece of shit and at the start of the show I really thought, even if he did change, that I wouldn't like him, but by the time the show ended I genuinely wanted for his happiness as much as every other character.

So I just wanna talk about him I guess

Cringe analysis under the cut awooo awooOOoooOooo

I think it's important that Guel starts off the show as just an actual shithead. He's just the misogynist bully archetype at its core and he treats Miorine like property and everyone else like they're beneath him, but it's also important to understand the context of that behavior too.

Guel has basically everything. Money, Prestige, Power, Respect. Everything has essentially been handed to him on a silver platter, and as long as he continues to win duels (the only thing he is actually, GENUINELY good at) that won't change. And with that comes an insane amount of pride and arrogance. He expects things to go his way because, for basically his entire life, that's just how things have always been. In the business world that he's been surrounded by, the strong always win out over the weak.

But with Suletta, all of the pride and respect that comes with his title and status is utterly and completely meaningless to her.

And he tries his classic shtick of listing out all of his titles on her, because in the world he lives in, that alone is what makes him worthy of either fear or respect.

But it doesn't work on Suletta, because the world of the Benerit Group is not the real world, the one she lives in. She repeatedly looks past all of his flashy titles and admonishes and judges him for his BEHAVIOR, the true merit of his character.

When she agrees to duel him, Guel sees it as putting an ignorant girl in her place. And why would he believe otherwise? He's always been on top at Asticassia, and this is no different. Dueling is the one thing that he KNOWS he's good at. It's the one skill that is definably his, that he truly earned through his own hard work. It's why he get so upset and defensive when Suletta looks down on him.

But the important thing here is that he LOSES to Suletta. BADLY.

And the lesson Guel is forced to learn from this loss is that every single thing he latched onto in his life, everything that he decided makes him worthy of respect and admiration, is not only immaterial, but, more importantly, conditional.

His pride and status, his role as heir of the Jeturk Company, and, most damning of all, his father's love, was based entirely on whether or not he was the current Holder at Asticassia.

Because he lost one duel, (the FIRST duel he had ever lost, mind you) a duel to a Gundam that, based on what we know, was quite literally unwinnable, Guel's father slaps him across the face and yells at him.

Before the rematch, when Guel is told that the Darilbalde is piloted by an AI, his father slaps him across the face AGAIN and tells him straight up that his feelings do not matter if he's not the Holder.

Which is why the scene where Suletta defends him from Secelia's taunts and explains her motto is so important

Everyone in Guel's life at this point, even his own father, looks down upon and mocks him for losing the duel. But Suletta isn't. She just tells him that even though he lost, he still deserves praise for not running away.

This is probably the first time in his life anyone has ever just told him that. That it's okay that he lost. That it's enough that he just tried.

Quick aside, but this moment here, when Suletta is talking about how much her mother means to her, and Guel holds his hand up to the cheek his father slaps him across hasn't, and will probably never, leave my brain.

But Suletta's words don't reflect Guel's reality. And the fact that he lost means even more is being taken from him, including his ability to even duel.

During the rematch, the Darilbalde doesn't even respond to his input. He, like Miorine, is having all of his decisions made for him, because without the title of holder, he's utterly powerless.

And the truly tragic thing here is that, once Guel smashes the AI and begins fighting on his own, he starts doing much better than when the AI was fighting and his father was cheating for him. He was genuinely a match for Permet 1 Aerial. But it's too late.

Maybe this is just me, but I always got the impression that if Guel was able to fight this battle on his own from the start, it would have been much more even, and he might have even won. But he didn't. He lost, again. And because of this, things are going to get much worse for him, really damn fast.

[wardensantoineandevka]

I've been doing a LOT of thinking about how Nathaniel's two character sheets work, and how one is clearly drawing from the person he was during the war. (Journalist and Detective are fun choices because they're conceptually the same, really, just oriented in different directions, but that's for another post.) It's an interesting bit of mechanics because they not only have different abilities but also have different action ratings. This leaves a question of how do point shifts from scars affect the Detective sheet?

I don't know how Spenser did it, but if I was the one mechanically working this out, my solution to that would be: they don't.

The sheet clearly represents a snapshot of Nathaniel's life during the war. This is the character sheet for Lieutenant Trapp. It represents the focuses, approaches, perspectives, concerns, methods that Nathaniel had then. It is, as he terms it, a place. It is what is inside the metaphorical box in which Nathaniel compartmentalized his wartime experiences. When he takes a Brain mark to switch between them, it's not just for balance, but it also represents the stress of stepping into old habits and old patterns and old perspectives, of dipping back into a very traumatic period in his life.

Toward that concept, I personally would have made the Detective sheet static. It is a moment in the past. It shares marks and spent drives with the Journalist sheet because those mechanics represent his material reality, but the action points are redistributed to reflect the different ways of thinking and focuses between now and then. (Personally, I'd work it out so if he were to take a scar, it kicks him back to the Journalist sheet, knocked back into the present or however you want to call it, and the point shifts are made at the Journalist sheet.)

The ratings never changing means he is guaranteed that number; he never loses points in Focus or Survey or etc. However, the ratings never changing also means they cannot improve and have no opportunity to reflect the ongoing narrative. Scar point shifts speak to how a character has been changed, often creating a mechanical narrative of adapting and improving as needed to survive. A static Detective sheet does not respond to the current reality. It remains, unmoved and unchanged and unaffected by the situation, never adapting to what may be needed or happening now, never accounting for the ways that Nathaniel would be changed by these experiences.

I think that'd make sense mechanically and conceptually. It is, after all, a picture of a Lt. Nathaniel Trapp who last truly existed three years ago, and Nathaniel did change and adapt once in that way since: that's where the Journalist sheet comes in.

[personwithatophat]

Intresting concepts, I love where you're going with that idea. I needed some expansion on that ngl and you fully cooked there /pos (Also hi Tophat)

What thoughts do you have on the idea Austin can see everything/the fact he either has no filter or a broken filter? Why would he be given this ability by Showfall besides the idea of an entertainment asset?

Hello! o/ thank you and good followup because austin is my crutch so i appreciate making me take it head on. (feel free to challenge my theories it helps me build them! :] ) As for austins filter being broken, I think the theory is good but incomplete. Austin does have a filter and has involvement, but it clearly works differently. in fact most of the 'filter items' have their own rules that they go by, its not a uniform model.

and a bit of this has to do with just how the show works sneegs hat isn't wired into his skull because he takes it off a couple times during the show or moves it around charlie has some kind of base program where he can run multiple items at once since during episode 2 he was wearing the glasses and the headphones and there are theories that details like this such as placement, hardware, etc have an effect on the items' limitations. for example, sneeg doesn't have surgically implanted hardware so he can't run two items like Charlie can and when they try, it shorts out and we get the ep 2 hat scene. or that other cast members couldn't be 'The Hero' since ranboos mask is necessary and capable of more complex sequences. that being said I've seen people speculate that Austins item is his jacket, which is entirely possible but it makes it confusing when he actually takes it off in the dressing room. so I'm going to pivot to the theory that he doesn't have a formal item. "so he doesn't have a filter?" not what I said. During the beginning of ep 2 before sneeg gets soft rebooted he doesn't actually have a filter item either and is still very much in character, he doesn't even recognize ranboo, we have hard proof that this is possible. and we know Austin is filtered/playing a character just by how he's acting in general. Austin as a showfall media victim has no reason to lie about having a wife and several children. why wouldn't he have a formal item? maybe because he was originally written to get double-tapped in Nikki's place in scene 1. Its very up for interpretation still but I believe a lot of this stems from the way that Austin is compared. Specifically how he gets compared to ranboo and sneeg when Ethan dies. i would like to counterpoint this with the way that Austins character is built for the episode. desperate, afraid, ......straight. but at the same time, he stalls to catwalk in the closet, mouthes off to puzzler questioning him having children, and is also very gay. so I think there might be some difference in writing. So yes, Austin is the only one who has a normal and more aware response to Ethan's death. Austin is also the only one there that isn't 3 layers deep in meta.

during this moment Austin is the only one freaking out but consider the company. ranboo is an NPC at this point. he got factory reset and basically has a cap over free thought, right now the only thing in his brain is the objective to go through the show. Austin is still in his role of character trying to escape this actual saw trap he's stuck in, his panic is as warranted in character as it is out so he panics and when the others don't it freaks him out more. sneeg on the opposite side of the spectrum is knee-deep in lethargy. sneeg is actually the one seeing everything how it is and can't respond to any of it so he doesn't care about anything anymore. after his soft reboot sneeg can still see but he's confined to the roll, I want to make a separate sneeg post because he's actually the one I think people view Austin as. so yeah I think that Austin has something going on but I think it's a step to the left of the current theories. sneeg is where the real awareness is feel free to ask me for any clarification on this since I jumped around a lot or if you have other questions/theories because this is epic :D -Tophat

[burning-sol]

Ramping up your pleads to people's humanity by luring them in with polls and other means to draw a connection between their daily living and an obligation to help those in need is actually only going to cause a DECREASE in donations over time FYI.

Compassion fatigue is real, and if you think it isn't you aren't putting your two brain cells together. I don't know if the term itself is something that's verified, but all the symptoms people are describing are real and associated with trauma responses - which is why it's been linked to PTSD. Instigating feelings of helplessness? Irritability? Exhaustion? Numbness? Causing substance abuse? These are behaviours that develop when someone is being exposed to trauma, especially when it's a repeated exposure to trauma.

You may have heard of the freeze response, which is something that crops up when a person is unable to fight or run away the thing they're being threatened by. The way this can manifest is through dissociation, where the brain will disconnect feeling from the person's emotions, body and/or the world when overcome with complete helplessness in order to protect it. When someone is being exposed to constant stress that might otherwise kill them from the distress it inflicts, it's possible for the brain to cut off a sense of feeling entirely, which extends to feelings of empathy.

When you create a constant reminder of the horrifically distressing things happening, when you get into people's heads to where they can no longer physically escape the thing that's a stressor - because you are inviting them to link their day to day activities with reminders of that stressor - their brain is going to cut off their ability to empathise so it doesn't kill them. And kill them isn't an exaggeration because there are other ways people try to escape from an inescapable distress, whether that be substance abuse or offing themselves. So no, this isn't a fucking joke.

On a personal note, my headmate had been engaging in self-punitive behaviour again because he thinks if it can't do anything (because he isn't looking after itself and is unable to recover its emotional fortitude) then it doesn't deserve anything. Not everyone responds to shit this way, but more people do than you think. And just because YOU don't break under the stress doesn't mean there aren't people out there who DO, and those people don't want to speak up when they're hurting because you've convinced them their entirely normal psychological responses are indicative of a moral failing.

So fuck you, actually. Don't go harassing people for making those kinds of posts, but FUCK THIS because none of this is working and it's making shit worse! It's a disorganised mess!! So here's what *I* would recommend:

Decide on an allowance you can afford to give up on a monthly basis. This might be $20, it could be less, it could be more.

Decide how frequently you can handle being exposed to news of conflict. This may be weekly, bi-weekly, daily, whatever.

Divide that money up and every chosen day get your clicks in, and donate whether it be to Gaza Gunds or MSF or to whoever/whatever else is relevant.

STOP reblogging posts designed to draw out feelings of guilt. Create your own post that includes: a the link to the fundraiser, verification of the fundraiser's legitimacy, the current amount of money raised, the goal of the fundraiser. You do NOT have to include more information that this, don't let yourself get lost in more details than you can handle.

Do not hesitate to block out content if you are overwhelmed. You do not have look at anything more than the days you assigned yourself.

This might feel like you're "not doing enough" but consistency is better than burnout. This isn't a rule but generally people do better with a consistent source of income than they would with one that's sporadic and unpredictable. If you're overwhelmed by choice, you can pick out a single fundraiser and donate to it reliably and it WILL make a big difference.

If you take issue with this post you can direct complaints to @exandr0th-0f-viscera since *I* penned this post, I'm just borrowing Sol's blog for more reach. Thanks.

[soullikethesea]

Negative

Currently I feel a bit ashamed and disabled. I'm definitely in a burnout-type of state. Actively tired/brain foggy, feeling weird and having body aches.

Finally someone came to give the window a temporary update so that it can be opened. I don't feel happy about this??? It just feels foreign and scary. And the whole process has been so so triggering.

I got apologies three times this week, from the people involved.

And somehow that just makes it hurt more. I fucking predicted this situation and I tried everything in my power to get it fixed and it still took more than 6 months. It reminds me so much of being with my father.

He never apologized to me, of course. Or, well, one time when he was two hours late to come get me and I broke my collar bone. He still says that it was his fault. And yet his guilt and apologies do not make me feel better either. I may be broken.

The landlord stuff just makes me want to cry. It also reminds me of when I got bullied in school and I felt increasingly broken. I am missing a key-component of being human: the ability to protect myself, to show my teeth. Sometimes it feels like I don't have claws, I don't have teeth like other people do.

So even today, I befriended the handyman that neglected me. It's survival 101, isn't it? Befriend your enemy, make them care about you. If you cannot fight, befriend.

Fuck that shit. Fuck the migraine I got, fuck the changes I seem to take so hard, like the new supervisor at work. And even the window now being openable feels so Wrong. I may be autistic after all, or just traumatized, or just weird. Who even knows at this point... I wish I could talk to T, but I also don't, because I have no energy left to explain myself and guide other people towards being helpful.

I also had a low-key job interview thing going, where they forgot to call me - TWICE. I literally got stood up twice. And yes, they apologized as well. It just... it feels bad. I don't know if I'm responding in the right ways so that there is less of a chance of it happening again.

My colleague also left a ton of work to me, without asking me if I'd be OK with it. It's probably not on purpose, but that's another meh thing.

Well, I'll be fine. It seems like all of this is this level of overwhelming just because I did too many things last weekend! And that's another thing I feel pissed about. I wish I could be like a normal person and I could do things without becoming *this* exhausted. I keep comparing myself to some autistic friends I have and they are able to do so much more and it feels a little unfair sometimes. That's what makes me feel so disabled. I hate that I'm stuck within myself. I'll make the most of it, but I can't escape needing to accommodate myself and skipping out on a lot of normal/fun experiences.

Quite a few people have been asking me why I'm not doing a PhD and well, there it is. I'd need so many accommodations that it really isn't realistic. I'm not cut-out for that workload.

So here I am, listening to ASMR for some hours lying under a blanket on my carpet. Lucky that I can do something like that. Worrying a bit about how I'm going to cope without exercizing, since I found out that I injured myself last week. Ironically, I injured myself while doing PT exercises..!

When I forced myself to go into work again last night, it was like a switch flipped and I was completely fine. I liked how it felt, that I could be functional in that moment, but it does also sound a bit like dissociation...

[dogueteeth-fhr]

Fanfic Writer Questions

Thank you @silvery-bluish & @glitchy-npc for the tags! Not sure who else to send it to atm but if you see this on my page and decide to pitch in with your answers feel free to @ me!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I've got 12! Most are oneshots, others are series.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

47002 on AO3 at the moment! And so much more in my docs.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Primarily Fallen Hero, with a dash of TWC and some other fandoms sprinkled in my WIPS but I've been on Fallen Hero brainrot for a long time now so the other fandoms are currently neglected.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Nightmare (surprisingly enough) w/ 28 kudos

focus (it's harder than you think) (also surprising lol) w/ 20 kudos

new pavement w/ 18 kudos

anamnesis w/ 18 kudos

freefall w/ 13 kudos tied with bath(toaster)tub also w/ 13 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to respond to all of them! But some days I just don't have the spoons to and I forget, but I really appreciate any comments I receive.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

HA. you want me to pick??? Ok hrm. maybe bath(toaster)tub? anamnesis also has so me pretty angsty pieces in there.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

PFFF. ok gotta. go look for this one. Maybe sargasso sea, though it's technically not the last iteration in its series between a continued plotline hinted out in after the fall and a third part planned for its series.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet! I think.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

(slaps brain) this bad boy can generate so much smut. I write pretty much any kind? Soft, rough, indulgent, M/M, F/M, F/F, other any everything, kinky or emotional, etc. Just whatever strikes me at the time, but most just dont get published bc I'm mid.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I typically HATE crossover fics they just aren't my thing I do write AUs of X story set in X story's universe, just haven't published them (wait does that still count as a crossover).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nah, considered it once tho.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! Haven't found someone with the vibe ig, it's just never crossed my mind to co-write a fic and just never been asked too.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

(cue strained breath) i have no all time favorites BUT. but. Ricardo/Wei gets me SO soft ok. i just. unrequited years long attraction finally requited and i. AAAAA. place sidestep in there too and i'm just so happy. i need poly rep in my life sometimes ok.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I stare into the google docs hell and ask you how you could expect me to pick one but. BUT. Praeludium//Allegro. A piece meant to dive in how Sidestep is able to experience the moment someone dies through their mind.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Shorter pieces! They tend to be about ~2000-5000 words per part, that's usually when I feel I've done my best. I'm also. Decent at NSFW writing? Sometimes, at least.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Definitely long fics. I had a plan for freefall and have scrapped and adapted it multiple times now, pus it's just difficult to keep myself interested in specific but necessary chapters.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It's fun! I've included Spanish and Russian excerpts into my fics before but I don't do it a lot. Considered writing fully in Spanish at some point for an Ortega POV but I'm not confident in my grammar abilities. Spanish verb tenses my beloathed.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Naruto. On a different old account best left to gather dust.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Hm, I'm not sure if I have a favorite. I do really like the NSFW piece I wrote from Remy's POV, though. Short but good.

[terraliensvent]

Hi, hi! Same anon of this post here

https://www.tumblr.com/terraliensvent/762293140076036096/its-the-first-time-for-me-posting-here-i-wanted?source=share

I kinda want to respond to this recent vent/ask:

https://www.tumblr.com/terraliensvent/762635927422140417/httpswwwtumblrcomterraliensvent7626289741396?source=share

I don't like to be hash and all but nani? Are people seriously thinking that a 16 year old is capable to just realize "oh wait I'm uncomfortable i should probably get the hell out of here."

No? It doesn't work that way?

Let's unpack this shall we; this is Xil thing all over again and I'm seriously irritated when people don't understand common sense.

-----

First:

No, the minor is not responsible to tell someone older, that they are uncomfortable around those kind of topics.

It should be common sense that an ADULT should never share such sensitive topics with someone younger and obviously less experienced then them.

Are people seriously thinking that someone younger is capable to understand, know and especially PROCESS that kind of emotional baggage?

NO they do not!

Minors brain are not able to process such things, that's why when minors go through emotional situations, they rely on adults knowledge and experience to understand what they are going through. Are all adults equiped in that? Nah or society nowdays wouldn't be like this but that's another story.

A child brain is still developing, venting to them such things are extremely damaging for them because they lack the ability to process them like an adult would.

You don't go to a child and be like "hey kiddo do you have a solution for my problem?"

Another thing is that an adult should always deter conversations around these topics to avoid:

• Sensitive informations getting shared

• Minors getting emotionally attached to you

• Possible emotional distress of a minor and inapprorpiate behavior with said minor (also not sexual because that exist is general emotional exploitation)

When a minor asks "are you ok? Do you want to talk about it?"

The reasonable response should be: "I'm ok, dont worry, I'm talking with someone that's helping me figuring out my current situation" or something similar, aiming to deter further indulgence on these kind of topics.

It's ok to be like "hey I'm a little under the weather" when it's light topics like idk a bad grade at school, but stop using minors as emotional trashcans for heavy topics especially when you are contemplating s*lf deletion or have serious problems like alcholism. Please seek other adults help or professional help.

Younger people are emotionals they won't be able to help even if they are your friends.

STOP. VENTING. TO. MINORS. PERIOD.

---

Secondly

Minors can't understand when they are getting emotionally exploited because they are young!

Please understand that minors get attached easily, especially when they are arooun a person they like or idolize!

I'm sorry to say this, but that how grooming starts. (Not saying civ is! I'm just explaing the basics! Don't use this to spread stupid claims)

They will not understand when they are exploited because they depend on the other person, they want to help, they want to make the person they like or idolize happy if they can.

Is the adult responsibility so shut down any parasocial relationship with a minor. Be friends with them but do not involve them in your personal life, you should be the one to put boundaries because minors don't know any better.

You are very unaware and uneducated to say "I can't see them saying they are uncomfortable"

Minors will hide how they feel just to please the other person. Especially someone as popular as Civ. That's why it the adult responsibility to not go to topics like that to minors.

Civ/Gin stuff was personal yes, but it's their fault that they got to a minor, who again doesn't know any better, to vent about quite the heavy fucking topics.

---

Final and third point

Civ/Gin might be 19 but you know what that means?

They are a legal adult!

You can't excuse them forever because they are under 20. They can be prosecuted now and that should be the wakeup call to stop doing these things because they can get in trouble with the law now.

It's the same with Xil, they might not know any better but they are LEGAL adults, they should start looking and learning how to behave like one, especially because these people have MASSIVE following. I'm sorry to say this but with fame it also comes responsibility, if you like it or not.

Civ/Gin now haves this our of the bag, yes it's worrisome for what can happen but it's showing be the warning light, the red light that they need help. Professional help.

If they have problems with their partner they should talk it with their partner, not a random minor. That's what a healthy relationship requires, if you have issues with your loved one you need to talk it out with said person.

I know it's hard to seek professional help, really, I know.. and it saddens me to see people struggle this much.. but it's not an excuse for behaving this way.

Civ/Gin fucked up and they shall face the consequences for their actions. We can only hope they understand that need to step down the interenet and seek help.

Minors will not get you better..

Please if you have issues seek help, there are people that are equiped and ready to help you, you're valid and loved but don't seek that validation and love to someone is not equipped to help.

I'll leave these here if needed.

You're are loved, never forget that

https://988lifeline.org/

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

Please, adults.. educate yourselves I beg of you. If not for you, for the people that lack knowledge and common sense so minors stop getting exploited.

Like I said to my previous post

Never sacrifice the safety of who's most vulnerable for your personal interest.

Especially people that have a following and are staff/moderators and all. You have power! Extreme power over people never forget such thing!

post related

everything you said here is very well put and thought out, honestly i cant think of anything to add

however i do want to include this little comment that veal left on the last post, according to them there was a power imbalance between them and civ, and i do find it believable considering civ's following and their high status in isopups (which veal had been a moderator for)

links included from anon:

https://988lifeline.org/

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

[dsudis]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @bittylildragon and @meduseld! Thanks for the tags!

And I will tag @pellaaearien, @moorishflower, @arialerendeair, @sineala, and @quarra!

Blank questions for your convenience! My answers are below the readmore.

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

3. what fandoms do you write for?

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

5. do you respond to comments?

6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. do you get hate on fics?

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? T

16. what are your writing strengths?

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

19. first fandom you wrote for?

20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

558.

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

4,116,080, racked up over 21 years.

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Currently all my WIPs are Dreamling!

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

The Boy and the Beast

Break the Lock If It Don't Fit

Sell Your Body to the Night

Now Until the End

All You Need to Know

It's been almost nine years since I posted the most recent of these. I will never write anything that overshadows the stuff I wrote in Teen Wolf. XD

5. do you respond to comments?

I do! I try to focus my comment-answering efforts on more recent fic, but I read and cherish all of them and reply to as many as I can without putting myself into a social anxiety freeze.

6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's been over twenty years, but I don't think I've ever outdone Exposures. Not that I've been actively trying, generally speaking.

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hard to quantify, because I do write a lot of happy endings, but I think England and Nowhere (Never and Always) has to be pretty well up there! Two happy endings for the price of one!

8. do you get hate on fics?

Eh, I have now and again, but not often, and usually I remember to just delete it before I can waste a lot of brain time on it or commit too much of it to memory.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

I sure do! Almost always m/m of the two cis dudes variety, because I am the kind of ace porn writer who doesn't enjoy putting my writing self into sex scenes involving a body that resembles mine. I feel like I'm writing a bit less kink and a bit less lovingly intense filth than I have at times in the past, but I suppose these things wax and wane.

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have written my fair share of them! Probably the most oddball one would be the time I wrote Jack Harkness having perilous sex with inevitable consequences with Mayhem from the Allstate Commercials.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yeah, a few times. It happens.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Many times! It always makes me wish I could read any other language because I'm so curious about how they read in translation.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! Closest I've ever gotten was writing alternating stories in a series with someone else, but my writing brain does not play well with others. It's only in the last couple of years that I've gained the ability to play TTRPGs without getting frustrated by not being able to control the narrative personally, so. Maybe in another decade or two I will have achieved enough zen?

14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

SG-1 OT4

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I only have one dangling WIP, and I am mostly at peace with probably never finishing it, but it would be nice if I suddenly found the spoons/motivation/time/etc to finish it off, yeah.

16. what are your writing strengths?

Persistence, mostly.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Focus, probably?

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't do it much--I'm not fluent in any other language and beyond using a word or phrase that the character uses in canon, I don't think I'd want to try. I can only think of one time I've done it at any length, and I don't think I would again.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

The X-Files, when I was 13-15 years old. Mercifully, almost none of it ever got posted online.

20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Well, for tonight it's Jigsaw. Tomorrow my answer might be different.

[orchidyoonkook]

personal

Hi, need to scream. Tumblr seems to listen best. can and please feel free to ignore.

okay so essentially my job has removed all of the things I use and need in order to be able to do my job with my mental disorder. my mental DISABILTY. that i was honest with them and told them about at my freaking trial shift. that i told them i needed certain things in order to do well. nothing drastic. but things that helped me significantly with my performace.

SOOOOOOOOO i am now severely struggling at my job because they've taken those away cuz they were 'annoying' or 'in the way' or 'clutter'. like. im not even leaving shit every where. It's like, maybe at most 3 sticky notes? (for example) and they're written just for me, like just so i can have a list of things i can do and know to go back and look on when i need a task because ive finished the one i was doing. but then my boss reads them and critiques them as if they're for everyone. or says 'okay yeah but we do that every day so i dont see why you have to write it down. you should know to do it by now' LIKE BRO. I forget to put deodorant on some days because of said mental disability. it's something i do and have done every day since i was 12 or 13. thats 12 years. and i still forget some days just cuz my brain wasn't working properly.

AND now due to this they have put me, one of the staff currently with more seniority than 3 other staff, down to one shift a week, while every one else is full time or heavily part time.

In march i was full time and kicking ass, I was the fastest employee on my tasks, i was doing great, the customers loved me and now that all of my things that i need in order to function have been removed for everyone else's aesthetic preferences, I'm suffering, and most likely being silently fired.

like... what do i do with that. I can do my job, with my accomadations - that arent that many btw - i dont expect them to move mountains for me. But dude. I hate this feeling so much because i'm capable, theyve seen me be capable. i was for 1.5 years. like i want to be good at my job. I like and enjoy being good at my job. i've told them that. I want to do good but my ability to be good is being derailed, and i just get told to try harder, just work harder, impress your boss with how hard you work -> for minimum wage, i might add.

and everyone is like "just get a new job, just apply for more jobs you're not applying for enough, literally just apply for everything, even if youre not qualified" and i cant just do that, due to said disability. there are jobs i am unable to do. so i have to be a lil picky otherwise i'll be right back where i am now. and ive been looking for months and applying for months with no luck - no one ever responds. why list jobs if you dont respond?????

it's getting to the point where im debating opening up drawing commissions or writing commissions, or something that i can make to earn a little extra cash here and there while i get over this transition period. And that's a big deal for me because i don't do commissions. I do my art for myself or for when i want to share something i've made already, like the UTWT books. Hell, I did a tattoo design for a friend on here that i put easily 40 hours into, and i felt guilty that they wanted to pay me for it because i'd asked them for the idea. Like, i don't do commissions. so for me to be considering it is really telling for me.

anyways. this is a bajillion words long now, but i already feel better. and I'm posting it in the middle of the night in hopes that the void just consumes it and never lets it see the light of day.

If you read this, thanks and sorry for the bummer of a post. This isnt a pity party or a poor yoon thing. I'm not looking for comfort or any of that. this is a 'i don't have a therapist and my friends and partner and family are sick of hearing me bitch, when i havent been able to fix it in months despite trying my best too' thing. so yeah..

i hope the new year brings me something good.