#my boi Gregory is sparkle mentally uNsTAbLE sparkle

[starry-skies-116]

“…Mikey~? Lizzy…?

You don’t hate me… right?

I still remember that promise- ‘all we need is each other’. I never forget promises. And even then, the games I played with the daisy flowers in Uncle Henry’s backyard said no one would ever love me.

That’s not true, is it? You know it’s not true… I do too.

All we need is each other.

Please don’t hate me. Please don't yell at me, scream at me. Don't make me cry like we did before.

You still love me, even after you hurt me, even after I hurt you- even after all the mistakes we made and all the times we made each other cry. Right? I know you do. I know you’re the best siblings in the entire world- I know you’re my family- my beloved family, I know you love me. And I love you.

Don’t leave me, please, don't hate me… it hurts when you leave me. I’ll give you anything, fulfill your every wish. I’ll do anything for you… for you to love me again.

I love you guys so much. I love you.

I̷̭̼̊ ̶̠͑̐l̵͎͔͊͝o̸̫͌͝ṿ̶͆͒ȅ̴͕̭ ̷̨̧̽̚y̷̹͍̚o̴̪͝u̵̙̎̉ ̵̞͍̉̈́Ȉ̴̦͜ ̵̡̗̏l̶͖̭͌ō̷̤͙v̴̙̍̚e̶͍̔̽ ̵͓̣͠ỹ̸̢͑ő̵̗̮̋u̵̩̅̕ ̸̟̤͗I̶̘͔̔̅ ̵̨̥͒l̷̹̻͆ǫ̵̛̥͂v̶̳̝̓e̸̥̽ ̴̮̉̑ŷ̵͔̊ȍ̵̟̣̇u̵͍̝͂̚ ̷̩͔̔Ḯ̵̭̘ ̶̼́l̸͉̕o̴̲͆̓v̷͓̍e̷̤͋ ̶͔͙̃y̸̧̽o̸̖̾u̷̫͍̽ ̴̬́͠I̶̥͑̚ ̶̱̀͌ļ̵̛͋ó̷̬̲v̸̘̊e̸̼̓ ̷̳̒̽y̷̟͘o̴͚̊̌ȕ̶̩͖ ̸̖̈́̚I̷͔͙̋̂ ̶̨̡͂l̷͚̓o̸̧̫̅͊v̸̥̐e̶̦͍̊͂ ̴̯̇̀y̵̪̣̾͝o̵̖̞̓̑u̸͉͂͘ͅ ̷̙̟͂Ȉ̵̡̞̈́ ̴̻̌͠l̴͉̍̈ǫ̶̗͘v̵̛̤͒ę̵̅͝ ̶͂̕ͅỹ̸̯̯ọ̴̰͗u̵̪̘̚Ǐ̷̼̺ ̸̢͛͋l̷̫̃̇ó̸̰v̵̉̕͜e̴̥̻̽ ̴̢̅́y̸͖͗o̴̤̓͠ǘ̴͎̓ ̷̗͇̎̚Į̴̀ ̷̰͒́l̵̯̉̌ọ̵̭̇͗v̸͈͛e̴͇͛ ̶̪̐̕y̷̱̆̋ő̸̮̋u̸̱͑ ̶̡̈́Ī̷̝̠ ̶̳͚͐l̷̮̼̋ỏ̶̥v̶̠̼́̿e̵̼͔͒ ̶̗̻̇y̷̦͝o̵̝̔ů̴͖ ̵̦̣̚I̸͇̹̽̓ ̵̟̪̈l̷̨̥͆o̶̱̐̍v̵̦͆e̵͖̮͛ ̵̫̽̑y̴̙̚ö̴̢́ͅu̷̙̰̿̿ ̶͙͘I̷̲̎ ̶̹̥͗̒l̶̗͉̉o̸̱͈̓͆v̶̮̔̂ͅe̵̦͔̅ ̴̹̜̃̈́ý̸̼̋ö̷͕́̑u̷͍̙͆ ̸̧͙̾I̷̗̤͂̽ ̶͇̤̊l̴̪͔̍ò̵͍̄v̷͚̮̕e̷̟͚͋ ̷̗̈́̓y̵̼̅o̵̢͆̀u̶̘͕͑ ̷̞̰͗Ỉ̵̗͐͜ ̴̡̜̀l̸̰͂̂ó̷̘v̵͇̚ě̵̤ ̶̯̳͒y̸̨̱͊o̷̩̓̒ŭ̴̢́Î̴̪ ̶͉͒l̵̞̇o̸̥̩̓v̸̗͕̈́ĕ̴̖ ̴̡̊̅y̸̱̘͌̅o̸͇͑̒ú̸̬͖ ̴͐̋͜Í̷̧͉ ̶͈̏̀ḽ̴̀o̶̲̅̒v̸̨͙̂e̷͉̒ ̵̹͕̋y̶̲̬͑ọ̶͝u̶̯̩̔ ̶̀̕͜I̸͙̺̍̾ ̵̧̓l̷̘̗̓͑ó̸̺͚̇v̴͍̾͊e̵̻͂ ̷̤̫̓̉y̶͉͘o̷̦͠u̵̹̼͝ ̴̹͉́̔I̴̥̺͘ ̴̰̑̍l̷̺̅͘o̷̭̠͌͂v̶̼̥͒e̸̺̼̓ ̶̬͕͛y̷̺͍̽ō̴͇͇ṳ̵̟́ ̷̗̲͒͛Ì̶̲ ̷̨̈́l̴̝͗o̶̤͚̐͛v̷̜́͑ȇ̷̜ ̸̳̘̊y̵̘̞̿̿ȍ̶̰͈̍ṳ̷͑ ̷̢̹̅I̷̤̐ ̷̩́̉l̶̥͎̊o̶̫͇͆v̶̚͜e̵̡̟̔ ̵̱̊͝y̸̥͆͜o̵̜̎̿ȗ̵̘ ̴͚̈Í̸͚͍ ̸̗͛ļ̴̒ọ̴̅̎v̵̘͑e̸̻͊̀ ̶͉̞̒y̷͕͂͐o̵̔̿͜͜u̵̩̇Ȋ̵͍̘͠ ̸͍̈́ľ̶̖o̴̖͊v̷̢̾̎e̶̹̿ ̶͉͌ÿ̴͚̩͠o̷̡̨͘ù̵̳̄ ̶͉̋͜Ì̸̟̅ ̴̦̣̇l̷̬̎o̸̝͗͐v̴̩̯̽̇e̶̖͠ ̶̟͚͂̌ÿ̵̟͎o̶̳̔͂u̴̥̦̓̈ ̴̫͚͌̔Ĩ̴͇͝ ̶̫̻̔l̷̮̹͐̓ö̶̩͙͂v̷͕́e̶̞͇͘ ̷̳͑͂y̸̲͂o̴͔̊͋ǔ̶̧͔͘ ̴̹͕̀́Į̴͉͒̈́ ̵̡̜͛l̷̪̂͌o̵̢̭̔̈v̷̼̈́͌ê̷͖̌ ̵̼̟͂̕y̴̦͒o̶͇̩͐ü̸̢͆ ̶͖̪̏I̸̢͉̔ ̵̩͇͗͠ļ̴͙̾͝o̷̰͉͂̊v̶͇̇ė̶̯͜ ̶̘̂͘ÿ̸̨ọ̸͓̓u̵̠̪͝ ̸͎͂I̴̤̩͝ ̸̻͗l̷̮̫̇͐o̸̖̔́v̷̼̒ḛ̶̑ ̵͍̏̔ẙ̷̜̫͒o̸̮̖͌u̴̹̲͑̐ ̶̛͙I̴͉̋̕ ̶͍̻̇l̵̤͉̈́͝o̵͆̍ͅṿ̵̯͒ȩ̵̬̋ ̷̙͉͝y̸̠͗ö̸̬́ư̴̲̆ ̵̝͝ͅÌ̷̘̕ ̶̙́̿ḽ̴̗̽͒o̸̭̍v̷̼͋ė̷͈͎ ̷̻̟̓͊ỵ̶̣̋o̸͓͛̃ů̷̥̦̕ ̴̛̰͕̐I̷̧̛̪ ̸̹̋̽l̶͍̇̋õ̶̪͝v̴̧͛͊ẽ̴̱̟̃ ̶̹͆y̴̦͍̕o̵͖̔̚ȗ̶̜ ̸̺̎̒I̶͖̙͑̊ ̴̙͖͝l̴̘͌ö̶̫̖́v̴̺͈̏̔è̴̞͗ ̶̞͉̀̌y̵̖͝ö̷͇̞́̈́u̷̼͍͋ ̶̨̪͗̌I̷̛̙͊͜ ̸̲̈́̽l̶̢̮̊̔o̵̠͙͒͘v̵̩͒̕e̶͓͒ ̴̨̯̌̌y̵̬̟̅o̴̧̧̓u̸̯͎͑͒ ̸͈̉I̸͂͜ ̶̼̑͝l̶̥̇̿ȏ̷͚v̴̥̣̑̀e̷̛͈͝ ̴̰̜̑̀y̷̫̋o̸̟͋u̷̞̠͆̏ ̴̤̹̋͛Į̷͎͊ ̷̢̮̓ĺ̴̥̖o̶̡̽v̶̟̭̈́ě̴̪͊ ̴̯̤̌y̵̨͝o̶̺͂͜ȕ̶̯̀ ̶̮̓I̴͉͂ ̸̜̍͊l̴̮̋o̷̳͎͝v̸̪̻̎e̸͈͔͋͘ ̵̰̇ẙ̴̰̠͆ỏ̸͓̖̓u̶̳͓̿ ̷̳̬̍I̶̬̩̐͛ ̶̩̆l̴̬͝ò̵̻̾͜v̴̞͍̒̌e̵̬̜͒ ̷̡̞͆y̷̧̏͝ò̴̤͕̚u̴̫̞͐ ̸̤̫̌̓I̶̙͆ ̴̪̙̃l̸̡̦̽͝ȏ̸̯̅v̴̰͂͆e̶̳͊̈ ̷̞̭̈́y̷̛̳̱o̵̳̱͒͠ủ̴̘̖ ̷̭͍̓̒I̴̠̬͗ ̷̞͉͋l̷̻̽͝o̵͚͈̾v̴̭͛e̵̬͗ ̴̙̾̕y̴̹̥͒͘o̵͔̠̎ứ̸̻͙ ̶͕̈I̴͓̥͋ ̸̢̅l̷͖̊o̷̢͇̎͌v̸͕̲̇ė̴͙̽ ̴̡͝y̴̗̋̀õ̸̝̹ủ̸̐͜ ̸̯́I̷͕̊ ̷͕́l̷͚͗͊o̷̩̱͋v̷͖́͒è̸̻̕ ̶͎̟͗̉y̸͖͗͒ǒ̴̖̘u̸̡̫̿ ̸͉̭͌̎Ï̸̕͜ ̴̥̜́̽l̶̥̜͠o̴͎̒̀v̵͕̗̚e̶̪̻͝ ̸̪͆y̵̧̰͒̿o̸͍͗u̸̬͊́ ̸̖́Į̸͇̔ ̶͇͘l̵̦̹͋͝o̴̩̍ṿ̶̙̅e̸͊͜ ̵̝͛ÿ̵̭̦͝o̶̦͚̽͗u̸̟̯͌ ̸̨̡̀Í̷͉̝̔ ̴̺͉͒̏l̵̺̿o̸͓̽̂v̶̝̏̒e̶͎͊̊ ̵̥͋y̸͇̱͂ö̷̤͔̏ṳ̵̗̆ ̷̼͔̓͐Ḯ̷̝̝̍ ̶̼̆l̵̖̰̇o̶̙͠v̷̞̎̀é̷͓͚ ̸͔̽̃y̷̛̛͖o̶̜̚ǔ̷̙̍ ̶̺͒̂I̷̡͂͒ ̵̡̟͠l̵̛̗͜ò̷͚̹v̵̟̏ẹ̴͎͌ ̷̙͆̚y̴̜̽o̶̧̖̓u̴͎̜̚ ̵̖͈͌͐Ì̴̗͔̓ ̶̻̎l̵̛͓͚͗ō̷̹v̸̳̝̿̍e̸̠̎̇ ̵̬̬̚ẙ̷̦o̷̖͌ṵ̴̆ ̵̯͇̋͐Į̷̯̈ ̴̭̇͠l̷̡̗̄̕ò̷̫v̵̞̤̂e̴͕̿́ ̸̳̘͗ỷ̶̢̕o̸̥͆u̴̡̯̿̾ ̸̭́̓ͅḬ̴͉͒ ̶̝͎̐l̶̡̻͐̌o̶̥͍̾v̶̰̮̈̈é̴̫͓ ̷̘͇̈́͊y̷̝̚o̵̻͒̓u̴̹̗̿ ̵̨͔̇

I love you.

Please don’t hate me.

Ṕ̴̣͎̣̉̏̓̽͜l̸̢̼͖̖͇͎͓̏̒͊͋͗̿̂͆̈͆͂̀̕͜͜ḛ̸̛̘͇͓̰̪͈̘̃̿̑̓͌̾̄͊̒̌͗͊̕͜͝ạ̷͙̰̤͎̄͋̾̈́̎̃̃̀͘͜͠͝s̸̛̪͎̝̠̜̼̼̳͚͔̜̱̒̌̊͛̿́̉̀̄ͅͅȩ̷̛͈̤̼̗̯̯̻̝̰̐.̶̡̨̼̹͎̭͎̗̜̮̖̅̓͐͗̽̕̕”

[starry-skies-116]

GREGORY POV (disclaimer he’s still an aromantic asexual):

“At first, I never understood love, or why it made people act impulsive and pathetic. Of course, I felt it, and it was there, it just wasn’t… fully present outwardly. Then I realized the gaping hole left in my heart by your absence. By both you and Liz… no longer being here. 

It’s as the saying goes- you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

I thought I hated you. We were really good at pretending we hated each other- that we wanted to hurt each other. I thought I hated you so much I wanted to choke the life out of you- I thought I wanted to see you suffer. But…

The more I thought these things- these horrible, awful things- the more I grew to miss you. The more my heart ached for you, yearned for you, burned for you.

Now, I’m scared, cold, hungry and alone- bittersweet tastes linger on my tongue, and I crave the past that torments me every day. Every waking moment, in my dreams, in my thoughts… I see her… I see you.

You, you, you. You.

All I think about is you.

You don’t hate me, right? You’ve always cared about me- that was the truth of it all, right? Why aren’t you here? Why are we lost, why are we separated and searching and swimming in an ocean of our own tears?

I can’t live without you. Please come back, please don’t leave me- I want you. I need you. I miss you.

I need you to comfort me, warm me up, fill my stomach and keep me safe and loved- I need you, so I can hold on to the last things I have left, so I can pull myself together and be strong like you always wanted. I’m sorry I hurt you, said all those bad things to you- and I’m sorry I’ve embarrassed you so many times in front of your friends, made you sad and angry and hurt.

And now and forever, I want to take care of you- I want to protect you, save you, love you and make up for all the times we hurt each other and made each other cry.

I love you. I always have and I always will, Michael.

So please don’t leave me.

I miss you, I miss you so, so much- every part of who I am aches for you. I want you.

I love you. I love you so much, Michael. I love you. I love you. I love you, I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you you you you you.

Please, please, please, stay with me. I miss you so, so much. I’ll do anything. I want you, Bubba. Mikey. Stay with me forever… forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever ą̷͉͚̟͓͎̫̦͙̩̇́̂̀̃͝͠n̷̗̞͙͚͎̻̻̠̣̔̔͊͜͜ͅd̴̛͈̠̬͍̪̆̽̃̐̅͆̈̋͒̕̚̕͠ ̶̨̜̙͓͈̤̤̻̬̝̭̱͎̅͝ȩ̵̡̮̟̭̪͚̳͗̀̔̇͜͠v̴̨̛̘̭̱̭̼̳̜͖͉͎͂͆̌͂̇̊̚ͅe̵̡̢͙̺̱̫̮͔̰̾͂̋̌͑́͘ŗ̴̢̟̹̪͖̼͉̘̠͕͙͎͌̀̀͌̓̄̄̈̚ ̵̻̰͕̠́̅̐ǎ̸̰̣͔̝̖̠̲͂̎̑̍͆͌̊̉͌̄̎͐̚͜͝ͅn̴̪͍̝̤͚̄d̵͙̻̏̓̽͛̂̏̚ ̶̢̧̾̾̀̈̅͌̎͆̆̎͘͝ę̵̜̦̼͍̣̠̗͎̠̯̆̀̓v̴̧̨̢̮̯̙̲͉̪͓̠͔̜̒̽̽̇̈́͐̇e̷̛̺̦͌̋͑̈̃͌̋̊͝͝r̶̡͇̯̠̦͓̀̋͌͋ ̸̛͚̤̤̝̥̞̓̑̌́̈́̈́͝ǎ̷̝̩͙͉͚͓̑̕n̸̨̢̰̣͙̲̜̮͓͐́̾̾̎̽́̿̃͆͘ḋ̶̖̟̞̙̹̤͎̤̑̋̈́̈́ͅ ̷̻͎͗̒̐͌̈́̐́̓͗̈͠͝͝e̶̤̳͉̮̭͎͎͈͕͓͚͋̈́̌̀̔͐̇́̅͑͐͝͝ͅv̸̯̙̗͚̩̭͇̗̅̆́͗̕̕e̵̥̫̙͆̾͑ṙ̸̢͉̦̜̱̩̳̖̯̳̈́̔́̃̉̋̀̍͘͝͝͝ ̶̥͙̗̗̏̈́̎̆̎̊̈́͝a̵̢̛̩̠͈̬̳͑͂̇́̎̽̀̚͘n̸̢̡̡̤͎̟̪̮͚̟̲̊̀̐̎̄̈̑̆̕͝d̶͕̍̈́̀ ̴̢͉̜̭̲͉͔̮͂̈́͊̈́̔̍̈́̐̚͜͝͠ė̸̪̜̗̋͊͂̓̈́̈́v̸̡̢̖̗̭̲̖͉̭̦̗͓̿̽̾̓͑̐̎̌̋͗̀́̓͜͝e̷̡̨̼̮͋̅͛͐̉͒̽̒͐͊̕̚͠r̴̨̛̛̜͖̀́͊͗̌̿̔̾́̋̈́͐ ̷̡̦̻̖̤͙̮͊̾́̀̃̊͘̚͜͝ͅa̷̡̠̤͛̇̓͗̿̚͝͠͠͝n̸̫̳̩̍̓͗͒̆̚̕d̴̢͖̜̪̺͇̦͖͖͖͓̰̅̑̋͌̓͐̓̌̑͜͜ ̴̙̗͈̘̯̜̈́̊̉̿̊̒́͜͜͠ẹ̵̪͔͚͑̓̆͑̓̆̂̋v̴̧̡̬̮͎̲͔̣̬͕͚̮̼͔̞̋̑͛͊̄̅̈̈̐̒͑͝e̷̘̠͈̲̯̘̫̮͍̤͙̤͇̤͑͌͊̎̽̚ͅr̸͍̤̈̍̈́̅͑̄ ̴̡͈͙͙̘̩͖̰̩̗͍̹̒̎̕͜͜ͅã̵̯̙̤̱̱̙̥͈̥̊́̎͜͜n̴̢̺̯̥̘̦͇̙̙̖͎̙̊̈́͒̿͑̌͛̾͐̏̀̇̆͝d̴͇̬́ ̶̧̧̢͔̱̥̠̫̻͖̥̟͎̣͓̈̉̂̀̃͋͋̈́͗̍͝e̶̛̱͚̞̤̫̝͉̩̼͐̆̈́̊̒̈̚͠v̴̮͒͗̐̾́͗̍̅̀͊̕é̸̟͆̊͘̕͘͘ŕ̷̪̒̔̒́́̀̅͗͑͂̚ ̸̡̧̡̟̠̦̮͍̜̜̹̮̓̐̄̈́̓́̆́͂͛͊̽̓̈́͐a̸̡͉̪̱̻̰̭̘̿́̒́̈́̍͐n̷̤͙̭̘͔̠̠͇̬̜̥͆ͅd̶̥̯̭̰͓͋̾̇̈́̅ ̶͚̥͈̱̬̝́́̈́͊̓̇e̵̬̙̙̓͗̓̍͛̚̕ṿ̸̼̼̱͇̾̐̓̈́͋́ḝ̴̤̖͓̝̪͔͕̫̬̰͈͊͂̍̎̒̓ȑ̵̡̙̖̘̼̩̝̜̣͉̠͔͔͔͑̒̎͗̓̀͘͘ ̶̧͈͉̳̳̣̬̯̻̹̗͙̦̠̙͗͐̈́̎̄̆̂̀̕a̶̢͚̠̤̤̖̥͓̺̪͉͚͚̐͊̀͌́̋͜ͅn̴̢̡͍̝̭̗̠̼̩̬̫̪̽̇͆̆͘̕ͅd̶̹̺̥̾͛̽̃͊̈̎͗̈́̔́̊̅̍ ̵͍̞̇̂͊̉̊̓̾͒̊̽̒̅e̴̡̨̨͈͉̰̜̳̺̗̩̫̾͜v̸̧̦̳͈́̓̇̓̽̄̈́̽͛̓̉̀̈́́ę̵̨̛̣͓̙͚̲̰̳͇̬̉͋r̷̢̗̗̲͍̥̜̲̠̜̝͙̬͍̀̈́̒͛̎̿̓̃͘I need you.

Please. I need you. I miss you, I want you, I need you.

And your little brother loves you so, so, so so so sososososososoooooo much."

[starry-skies-116]

(Updated version)

Eenie meenie minie mo, my mama said to pick the very best one...

And I am~

[starry-skies-116]

CHARACTER WRITING CLEARUP:

Gregory, at first glance, has a very clear cut-out goal in mind: escape the Pizzaplex, find his family, secure his future and live out his future in the form of happily ever after.

However, why does he want that?

Well, see his responses to the taunts of the animatronics at the beginning of the game. 

‘You are nothing!’- He is reminded of the time he was bullied by Michael and his friends, when indecisiveness plagued him, when he was small and powerless and fragile- when he was nothing in the eyes of the universe, meant little to anyone.

‘Nobody will miss you!’- Flashbacks to unimaginable pain and a slick, red and wet pulse of an artery failing, his death in the hospital, hearing the faint sounds of coffin being laid upon the ground, of a pastor preaching that his soul may be laid to rest after death, of the cries of his siblings apologizing, begging for him to come back.

‘Are you hungry?’- Take a wild guess and listen to yourself. What kind of question is that? Of course the poor kid is hungry and cold and scared.

‘Game over, kid!’- Please, he begs. He doesn’t want to die again- he just wants to be happy, he doesn’t want this. He just wants his family and his future and his life back. Is that so much to ask?

This is the central question of any character: what does the protagonist want? What is the clear end goal in mind? What are they afraid of, and what stops them?

Gregory has lost everything by the events of pre-Security Breach. His home, his family, his life and world as he knew it- his humanity, his dignity and innocence, all brutally ripped away from him while he was powerless to stop it.

What he is afraid of is his past, or more accurately, the demons haunting said past and the root cause behind those demons. His circumstances force him to nurture unhealthy paranoia, which prevents him from achieving what he wants- to heal his suffering and have a future alongside his family. This internal conflict even extends as far as his ‘simple and brute’ way of solving problems and dealing with obstacles with a deeper sense of humanity and goodness towards those he loves and sees as family. 

Hell, he even makes a nom de guerre, or alias, of Gregory, for himself out of his own felt necessity to do so.

And for what he lacks in physical strength, he displays impeccable intelligence and another widely useful skillset, such as being technologically savvy, having some form of evasive manuevering and espionage ability to draw secrets out of the enemy, as well as a strategic, tactical and vigilant mind along with an impeccable eye for detail. He is able to use what paltry information is given to him in the emails to craft plans to swiftly and promptly dispose of Chica, Roxanne and Montgomery. For someone who is physically weak and petite in stature as a kid, he uses brute force coupled with terrifying intelligence- like, a LOT.

And he’s not insane while doing these actions, I feel the need to remind you of such things. He doing such evil out of love and a twisted sense of hope and idealism- and he’s disturbingly self-aware while conducting these actions, aware of the evil he’s committing, aware that he’s hurting them.

And yet he doesn’t question his ideals because he is resolute- he has charted his course long ago, told himself that he HAD to do this- that this was the duty he HAD to fulfill, that there was no turning back.

He believes that love- his love- will redeem him, absolve him of his sins. This is the extent to which losing his family has psychologically scarred him, damaged him, influenced him into who he is today.

He’s not mentally broken, or insane- he still immensely lacks mental stability and a guiding hand in life. He doesn’t trust himself, can’t live with himself despite being self-reliant and domineering.

He is scared, and yet, he is no coward- he is driven by an indomitable willpower, an unshakeable spirit, and a love that he believes can conquer all- driven by regret, by need, by spite and a chance to prove himself and regain all he lost, that turns into hope- his light at the end of the tunnel. 

He remembers a clear idea of who he once was and how things should’ve been, and he is motivated by this idealistic worldview of what his future should be in his eyes. 

Not remembering the whole context that life can be so much more, that the future is more than just a pre-defined set of expectations and dreams driven by grief and longing, is his hamartia, his fatal flaw, in this context. He wants to make peace with his past, leave it behind, but it is a part of him in blood, flesh, bone and mind and soul- it shall never leave; it will never go away, and that’s something he doesn’t want to accept because it hurts to accept it.

And as for the reason why he’s so unhinged, the reason why he has nothing but overwhelming devotion and electric fury flowing through his veins?

His death in his previous life is an insult to him- it is an insult to everything he is, everything his life is- everything he had and loved and held dear to his heart. His death is the statement that he doesn’t matter, and that he never mattered, and neither did his life, his future, or anything he ever cared about or could ever have in life.

It is the statement that he will never matter and never be accepted as he is, that he will never be enough or worth anything at all- a concept that he is trying desperately to disprove.

His endgame by accomplishing his preprogrammed, prerequisite set of goals, accomplishing his mission, is to:

Heal his suffering and make peace with his trauma

Prove himself and his worth out of spite against the world that he, too, is worth something- that he can be brave, work hard, be better than what he was before.

Find his family and his home, and live out the future that he always wanted.

This is something that he so desperately wants, needs- this is something that he has to do in order to be at peace and clear his mind of torment.

And this is precisely why he goes to such extreme measures to achieve it.

[starry-skies-116]

Damn, I gave this singular kid a helluva lot of trauma, didn´t I? By no means am I qualified to be a psychologist, but goddamn- you don´t need to be one to see that I made Gregory/Evan messed UP.

Let´s start off with the basics:

First, my dude has C-PTSD that torments him throughout the ENTIRE game throughout the events of Security Breach. This offshoots directly into a persecution and inferiority complex that nurtures extreme anxiety, self-hatred and paranoia (stemming from the abuse of his father plus his other traumas but- I get ahead of myself).

Then, Evan suffers from symptoms of psychosis in his first life, then again in dreams as Gregory when he´s beginning to regain consciousness and sentience later on. 

Regaining his memories of his past life results in him developing survivor´s guilt to the degree where it´s like he´s a genocide survivor, when in reality, he´s aware his whole entire family died after he did. Gregory´s entire world was ripped away from him at the ripe age of ten, and as a result, he becomes over-attached to the people he loves and never takes their rejection well. Like, at all. He also grows obsessive, hypervigilant and protective over those he considers his family, nigh-worshipping them and considering restoring his past life, his identity and his family so he can heal his suffering and lead a proper life- his only reason for existing.

There´s also a small degree of potential for OCD, since he has strange habits- vocal tics when startled, unwanted and wantonly violent thought processes, rubbing his thumb against his index finger and doing barely noticeable motor exercises when restless- but where it starts treading into disturbing territory is when he keeps a post-it-note drawing of his family, more notably his siblings, in their house. Every so often when he takes it out, he just HAS to obsessively cradle it and kiss it.

Oh, look, another sign this dude isn´t okay.

Then, there´s Gregory´s blatant disregard, hatred, heavy distrust and malintent towards those who wish to hurt him- and sometimes, those whom he expresses hostility towards is also an entirely arbitrary decision, which is why it´s so hard to win his trust: one wrong move and you´re going to find a go-kart being yeeted at mach 10 directly towards your face. This suppressed and festering hatred results in brusque and unfiltered apathy towards non-family and non-friends individuals, resulting in him holding them in extremely low regard, seeing them in a villainous light and heavily antagonizing them, regarding them as mere obstacles or enemies that block him from his goal, his dream.

Oh, yeah, speaking of his goals- did I mention that one large reason that he has such an idealistic mindset, such strong love towards those he trusts, and such dedication and unfaltering willpower and spirit is because he worships and unhealthily obsesses over those goals to the point where it´s his only reason to live at all? 

Due to Gregory´s immense tragedy and loss, he literally exalts his family on a pedestal and prioritizes his and their life above everything else. He loves, adores, worships them, even- possesses such deep affections for them that it could be considered creepy, so much so that he´s cold, cruel and ruthless to anything that he sees as a threat to him or them.

Couple that with how he basically was asleep for 57 years and develops undiagnosed insomnia and somniphobia, and can only sleep in Freddy´s presence? AND how he had somniphobia before in his past life?

Hmmm… what else? Oh, yeah: 

He turns feral and near-draconic in direct confrontations, bursting into hysterics and scream-crying at anyone who tries to yell at him or threaten him or strip him of his power and control over his life. 

He blames himself for being weak and powerless or emotionally vulnerable as a result of his brother and his friends bullying him. 

He literally throws himself into his ¨work¨ and blinds himself with false hope and flimsy self-reassurances to dissociate from his negative feelings and direct root of his trauma. 

He basically loses his reason to live whenever he argues with his brother as Freddy (the only person he loves and trusts), and cries and grieves for hours on end in hysterics like a madman in his emotional meltdown and overwhelming guilt.

He expresses rage and destructive, nigh-homicidal tendencies when things don´t go his way, especially when he worked so hard to alter the circumstances into his favor.

Couple that with severe touch-starvation and empty-nest syndrome, and how he basically had to LITERALLY starve and live off of a disgusting, meager diet of two candies and a bottle of Fizzy Faz per every two days when he was lucky enough to find food and water, and because of the nature of his creation, the stimulated needs are perpetual with no way to turn them off unless they´re fulfilled.

So there he sits. Confused. Scared. Hungry. Cold. Alone.

I could go on.

Oh, and also, he has a MASSIVE sweet tooth. Which means he relies on and is addicted to material things to grant him temporary happiness- food, items and people to tether him to what he treasures and loves, which means, even more depressing- he can’t find a home and inner peace within himself. He hungers to be loved and accepted by others, and finds happiness in the frivolities of life like puppies and chocolate cake because he is stuck in that childish mentality that he can't live with himself or love himself. He can't accept himself.

Someone PLEASE take care of this kid and get him some therapy. Por favor.

He needs it. In case you couldn't tell already.

Oh, and I feel the need to mention: he was ten by the time he died, and he's still only ten (chronologically 67 but does it fucking matter anymore?).

[starry-skies-116]

MORE GREGORY POV'S YEEt:

“...Can anyone hear me? 

Actually, whatever- no they can’t. That’s just stupid. But I do remember someone saying to me that thinking out loud can still help me feel better… so here it goes.

…I don’t know the purpose of my creation. I don’t know why I’m still alive, even after everything that’s happened. The nightmares are gone, my home is gone- I’m in some random place I’ve been living in for so long, and I still don’t recognize anything. Everything smells bad, and I’m hungry and cold and scared- miserable, basically.

Heck, I barely know the secrets of my own new body- up until a few days ago I was struggling to reteach myself how to run again. If I don’t perform basic motor exercises every now and then, rigor mortis starts to set in- and even if it’s minor, it’s still a huge pain in the neck.

I don't know what I am, even when I know who I am. Apparently I’m... something else, now? But also not, since there’s still my body inside, just… different? And there’s this weird… mark I can feel on the back of my neck, and a random LED on the side of my head…? I-I don’t know what happened, geez… even the nightmares are gone- not that I knew how I remembered them, anyways. I’m happy those monsters are no longer with me.

But… I did recover my memories, yes. And I, ah… did have a good cry about it. Who wouldn’t have? After losing everything… their home, their family, their humanity and dignity and life as they knew it. My entire world melted and crumbled to nothing right before my eyes- as if I didn’t exist. As if I didn’t matter, and nothing I ever cared about or loved mattered either.

And in the end… that was what I think I mostly cried about. The living hell my life has derailed into- the fact that I’ve trapped myself in a dark cave, underground in the middle of god-knows where, covering the ceiling and floors and walls in sticky notes full of my own drawings like a crazed idiot… that’s what I’ve been grieving over.

I’m pretty sure I’ve gone insane- at least, almost insane.

But… there’s still time- there’s still hope. 

…I don’t know why I’m thinking such things myself. Maybe I’m delusional. Something in me is telling me to keep going- that I still have a future- that I can still fix this.

Something is telling me that I can still turn back time, bring back what I lost, bring back what’s mine and what deserves to be mine… if I could just act on it. Maybe this is denial, maybe this is idealism getting the better of me and my already nonexistent judgement- but I digress. Maybe there is still hope.

I just have to try harder- I just have to work harder, be better.

For all that’s happened, I can’t believe that I’m still here- still standing, still breathing. It’s a miracle to be able to see, to hear- to feel and taste and smell and touch once again. To be reborn again, given a second chance, it’s… a miracle. I wanted a new chance at life, to find myself out, to create my own future... but I never thought I would actually get it.

I don’t deserve this… and yet, I am… so happy. So, so happy.

So, I’m gonna give this last shot everything I’ve got. I’m going to work hard- really, really hard to push forward- to crush all obstacles in my path, to destroy everything that keeps me and my family, my goals and my dream separated from me. This is a one-time attempt, a do-or-die mission- I have to succeed. I have to accomplish this mission no matter what the cost is. I can’t screw up- I have to do this, for all of us. For our future.

I don’t care what I have to do, I’ll do it. I’ll do anything.

I can’t fail- no, no. Don’t think like that, Evan- Gregory- I won’t fail. I won’t let them down. I’ll accomplish my mission no matter what. I don’t have any other choice other than succeeding- whatever I do, whatever plans I have to make, whatever dangerous situations I have to throw myself into- it will work. It WILL work, because I don’t know what I’m going to do if it doesn’t.

I have to keep moving forward, keep moving on- I won’t stop until I’ve won this battle. I will never stop fighting.

The mistakes of the past are in the past. We’re doing this, and we’re getting what we want, no matter what we have to do to get it- no matter if we like it or not. I can’t be scared anymore- I have to be brave even despite it all… for Mikey. For Lizzy. For our home and our family.

I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Even if all odds are against me… even if my enemies are the gods themselves…

Even if I have to shatter heaven apart and rip the earth asunder to reach the light at the end of the endless darkness- to be with you again, I’ll do anything.

I’ll do everything.

I’ll never stop fighting… fighting for you.