#my body is fully like no one will care or sympathize with you if you show any emotion at all whatsoever

[tethrras]

i will be so real i'm so thankful to have a job but the amount i want to grill myself on a bbq has increased like 20% lol

[werecreature-addicted]

In my mind werewolves are likely to have a lactation kink. They are over the moon when you're finally carrying his pups but the changes in your body?? They'd go crazy. Your boobs being fuller get him going both because you're gonna be his perfect mate who's gonna feed his pups but also he needs to alleviate the pain of them getting fuller and to make sure they're in great condition for his babies (idk if you're into this if not sorry and pretend I never sent it 🫶🏼)

Anon your mind. I love it

Werewolf lover who is over the moon when he hears that you're with child. His child, no less. He might cry when you tell him. He defiantly falls to his knees and kisses your tummy.

He does sympathize with the pain that pregnancy puts you through. He's willing to do anything to make things more comfortable for you. No craving is too weird, and no task is too small.

He's obsessed with your tits. Outloud he agrees that it sucks how big they're getting and commiserate with your pain, but on the inside, he's drooling. He's always been a boob man at heart. Seeing how your big tits spill out over your bras drives him wild.

He loves when you forgo bras entirely, and he can see the soft outline of your nipples through your shirts. Your werewolf lover is nothing if not caring. He loves to massage your chest. He'll go on for hours if you let him.

When you start lactating he truly and fully loses his mind. Please, please, please let him drink your milk. It's spilling all over your shirt anyway, going to waste. He might as well be the one to drink it.

Before your baby is born, your werewolf lover is greedily sucking on your tits as much as he can. He loves how your body looks, he loves knowing his mate is going to take such good care of his baby, and he loves your tits.

[panlight]

I.e. Bella not suffering any consequences: what I find even more annoying is that Meyer makes such a big stink about the books being about choice but only BELLA gets any big choices. Every other member of the Cullens was forcefully turned, either entirely against their will (Carlisle, Jasper) or to save their life (Alice, Edward, Emmett, Esme, Rose). Every shifter is forcefully turned due to the vampires; not even Jacob chose it in the end and actively fought against it. Imprinting is forced. Don't get me started on Leah. And even if Nessie wants Jacob in her life, the book heavily implies that she wouldn't have a choice either way. Also, she has to stay with her family because she'll never look old enough, isn't as invulnerable, etc. Literally only Bella has any choice over life-changing decisions (even Edward claims that he never had a choice in loving Bella). Bella chooses Edward (actively endangering herself and others), chooses to be a vampire (supposedly an evil, immoral life endangering others), chooses to give birth to Nessie (possibly an inhuman killing machine while endangering herself and others), and so on. And instead of ANY consequences AT ALL for what appear to be TERRIBLE choices (based on every single book except the back half of BD), she's ALSO the only one who gets pretty much everything she ever wanted while everyone else has to live with whatever crumbs of happiness they can eke out. It's infuriating if you care about anyone AT ALL other than Bella.

Totally agree! It's always been amusing to me that SM says the books are about choice. The apple being offered on the cover presents a choice: do you take it or not? Do you eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil? Do you take the apple from the old woman who might be a witch or evil queen in disguise? And the original name of the book was "Forks;" obviously for the setting but also for the idea of forks in the road: which path you will choose?

But Bella's the only one with any real choices here. She actually has a lot more agency than a lot of people give her credit for. SHE chose to move to Forks. SHE chose to pursue a relationship with Edward. SHE chose the reckless actions in New Moon. SHE chose to ask Edward to sit out the fight. SHE chose to become a vampire. SHE chose to keep the pregnancy. She certainly suffers hardships, but they almost all come from choices SHE made for herself.

And the negative effects of those choices are temporary or unimportant to her specifically. Her scars from James are healed in the transformation; Emily's face is still scarred. The toll her pregnancy took on her body is erased in the transformation, but Esme is still 'rounded and soft' from her pregnancy, and Alice is 'thin in the extreme' from her malnourishment. Bella doesn't even burn for the full three days, only two! There's even a line where Edward literally says something like, "Renesmee's eyes are exactly your color, so that wasn't lost after all." She gets to keep Jacob literally forever (he has no choice) and she gets to keep Charlie when no one else got to keep their human families in their lives. Irina dies, but Bella doesn't know her so it doesn't matter.

I fully understand the main character is the main character for a reason; because they're special, because their journey is unique, etc. But this is also the reason I tend to find main characters annoying. This is not a Bella problem or an SM problem but a me problem. I feel similarly about Harry Potter and Katniss Everdeen as I do about Bella Swan. I like ensembles; I like when there are lots of narrators, or when there's no obvious 'main' character. And if there is a main character, dollars to donuts they aren't my favorite; I will 100% always sympathize more with the secondary characters and find them more interesting.

Bella gets to choose what she wants for her life and it all works out for her. Good for her! Genuinely! But it's a glaring contrast to the stories of virtually all the supporting characters and, to me at least, less interesting. Forever disappointed Bella being a newborn was such a non-event. I was looking forward to it for three and a half books and she just basically carries on her life like nothing has changed. Meh. The supporting characters not having many choices and making the best of things is personally more interesting to me.

[distortionbobble]

this is just a silly little warm up drabble to get me back in to writing but.... modern!anakin as the fun but lowkey deadbeat dad and you, the kids' babysitter after he divorces padme is haunting my brain. this is a little different from my usual writing style so if it's a flop everyone close their eyes ok thanks

warning there's no actual infidelity here but it's a little iffy it's a little close. as per usual minors dni

you know he's not the best dad. really, most of the time he just feels like a kid that never grew up. he's childish, snappy, and if you ask him who leia or luke's teacher is he's got no idea.

but man does he love those kids.

you started off as padme and anakin's babysitter; a bandaid to padme's problems with a marriage that's falling apart. she's exhausted, tired of taking care of two tiny seven year olds that are a little too good at getting into trouble. you'd know, you've seen it yourself so so often.

when anakin comes home, he gets to be the fun parent. always away on business trips or whatever-- and you know he's not cheating, he's too faithful to their marriage to do that-- but it doesn't change the fact that he really isn't doing much around the house.

padme doesn't confide to you often but when she does, over a glass of wine after the kids are tucked in and some thriller from twenty years ago is playing on their flatscreen, she tells you things. about their dead bedroom, created mostly by the fact that she can't stand anakin's touch anymore.

and you sympathize with her, you really do; he needs to do more chores around the house, he needs to stop contradicting padme when she gives a consequence to the kiddos and back her parenting up. he's making her the villain in the kids' eyes, you hear her!

but... you don't fully understand how she's able to keep her hands off of him. if you were in her position, you'd probably feel the same, but you're not and anakin skywalker is really. fucking. hot.

but that's none of your business.

until they've divorced. anakin's moved out but the kids are over there the weeks that he's in town and not on business trips. you come early one day, forgetting that the kids come home later on wednesdays, and anakin's in the garage, slid under his car, fixing something that you don't care about right now.

what you do care about is that he's shirtless, with motor oil streaked across his abs, his skin glinting in the afternoon sun and you want to lick it off of him. you should look away, should feel some type of shame, but you don't.

you only realize that you've been ogling him when he slides out a little more and laughs at your sight glued to his body, putting on a show of gulping down water and letting it fall messily. you can't help it, you watch the beads of water trail down his chest, down to his happy trail, and you have to hold back a whimper because dammit, you want him to bend you over the hood of his car and fuck you.

"d'you wanna come in?" he asks, getting up to turn off his music. some blend of early 2000s rock that fits him a little too well. "kids aren't home," anakin says. you don't have it in you to say no.

you're not sure what exactly started everything, but it doesn't matter when he's got your legs spread, has you leaning on the back of the couch and his face is buried between your legs, sucking on your clit and fucking your hole with his tongue. you can feel his nose drag against your labia, and it feels so good you have to hold back the whimpers and moans with your hand clamped to your mouth.

at this, anakin's just laughing at you, teasing you, "when was the last time you got laid, baby? just seein' a little skin got you this worked up?" and you can't manage a word back, distracted by the feel of him and the anxiety of needing to get this done to pick the kids up from the bus.

anakin's not worried about time, tho. he knows he can make you cum in five mins, that's all. and he does. by the time you're finished, his face is fucking soaked, and you'll be more than lucky if the neighbors didn't hear.

doesn't take much convincing after that to start coming in earlier on wednesdays.

[jenniferjareauwife]

I Wanna Know

pairing: jennifer jareau x cowgirl fem reader

category: fluff, hurt/comfort

warnings: none

word count: 792

summary: pt 2 of cowgirl AU

I shifted in JJ's arms while she spooned me. This was the fifth time she had visited me since we officially started dating. I don't think I've loved anyone more. "Baby where are you going?" She whined. I gazed out my window as the sunlight hit my naked body.

"I'm hungry. Want anything?"

"Cheetos?" I nodded and stood up, heading towards the door. "Hey wait a second." She sat up on her elbows. "Why are you so quiet?"

"I'm just tired hon."

"Baby I know you." She had a soft caring smile on her face. It was true. I think she had me figured out three months ago when we first met in that bar. Maybe it was the fact that she was a profiler or maybe it was our connection but she really knew me. "What's wrong?"

"You're going back home tomorrow."

"I am. But I'll be back in two weeks." She sat up fully now. "I come every other weekend. That was our agreement."

"I don't want you to go." My voice kept getting quieter. She sighed and got off the bed, walking towards me and grabbing my hands.

"We can text...and call...and FaceTime." She assured me. "What's got you all worried about this you've never talked to me about this before."

"I just...I don't like not seeing you." I sat down on the foot of the bed as she stood between my legs, stroking my hair.

"I don't like not seeing you either."

"Am I wasting my time here?" JJ's brows furrowed at my question.

"What do you mean baby?" She knelt down between my legs, rubbing my thighs.

"I wanna know I'm not talking to...having sex...and falling in love with someone who's just gonna find another girl up in Quantico." JJ sighed and gave me a sympathetic look. "I wanna know whether I'm just a fling you found in a bar or if you actually wanna be with me."

"I wanna be with you. Baby you have no idea how much I wanna be with you." She sympathized. "If you were just a fling why would I fly across the whole country twice a month just to be with you?"

"You do that all the time. It's normal for you." She shook her head.

"Baby...baby no." She held my face in her hands. "You've gotta stop thinking like that. I come here because I want to spend time with you, because I want to be with you. Not just for sex."

"I don't wanna only see you twice a month though." I sniffled, tears falling down my face.

"Well...what about the weekends I don't come here you come up and visit me?"

"I don't have the money to do that."

"I'll pay for your ticket." She whispered, kissing my nose.

"You don't have to do that-"

"I want to though." She caressed my cheeks. "I'll buy you a ticket to DC for next weekend, ok?" I sniffled and nodded. "Now let's go get that food you wanted." She led me to my kitchen and took out my bag of Cheetos. I got a party size every other week just for her. "What do you want?"

"Mac n cheese."

"I'll make it for you."

"Jayje you don't have to do that. It's my house."

"But you're sad. Sad people deserve their mac n cheese cooked for them." I giggled and went back to the bedroom to put on some clothes.

"So...if you're serious about wanting to be in this relationship." I started. JJ looked back at me as she stirred the noodles. "What would we do for moving in together?"

"That's something we can figure out later." She assured me.

"Cause Texas is my home and you shouldn't leave your job because it's one of the best jobs in the world and you're an elite-"

"Baby calm down. Your brain is looking for things to go wrong." She raised her brows. "We can talk about it when the time comes, ok? For now let's just enjoy each other's company and take the next step forward. Don't think 20 steps ahead." I nodded, that sounded better than overthinking.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize." She poured my mac n cheese into a bowl and handed it to me. "Here you go."

"Thank you."

"No problem." She gazed at me and I knew she could see the wheels turning in my head. "Come here." She pulled me onto her lap so I was straddling her and the first thing I realized was that her lap wasn't as wide as a horse saddle. I smiled softly at the thought and then let her arms envelop me.

"I'm gonna miss you when you go."

"I'm gonna miss you too but it's gonna be ok, I promise."

[vhagarlovebot]

Hi!! I was wondering if you could write something for aegon along the lines of aemond and reader are married but bc aemond wants to give her space and “spare” her of his company and doesnt wanna scare her bc of his appearance and demeanor they dont talk at all and theyre like strangers, sort of like aemond thinks he’s doing the right thing by leaving her be but in reality she just wants to be loved by her husband and one day aegon finds her sobbing about aemond bc she just wants to be loved by him. Bc shes crying abt his “perfect” brother he feels better abt himself bc hes thinking “my brother isnt the perfect son” and so he decides to befriend her and they kind of bond over the fact that theyre both really lonely in kings landing. Ik this is probably rlly off for his character tbh so if you dont want to do it thats okay! Ik some ppl r really iffy abt writing abt aegon so if thats the case just ignore the ask im sorry to bother! But I love ur writing sm and hope u have a great day~

gwen’s note: i need to say this before writing your req because it is important to me. but i really think aegon, as well as many other characters from hotd, is very complex. however we can’t overlook the awful things he’s done, that’s why i think that the only way of writing him is by trying to understand from where it comes, why he is the way he is, etc. (but not defend him, never defend him for being a rapist) and diverge from his character. hotd writers made it really hard to sympathize with him given that the first scene they gave us of older aegon was THAT scene. and again, i would never defend aegon from what he did, that is inexcusable, it does not matter how much he suffered or how alone he feels, he should have never done that. that is why if i write aegon i would always try to get as close as possible to what i think of this complex character (just as i have been doing with aemond) and always have his feelings and experiences in mind, i will never minimize what he and everyone has been through. and bc in fanfic you can write whatever you want, i’ve been saying that since the beginning. aegon is not a good person but i believe that if they give him a chance, he would definitely try to be better. and i fully believe that aegon has a heart and deep down he cares, we see glimpses of that in the show. so after saying that, if i diverge from what the show has showed us about aegon or what YOU think about him, remember that everyone has their own opinions and if you don’t like them, be respectful and simply block me (this is not directed at you but to everyone in general). hope you enjoy! <3

crying in public was not a good idea, but being under the weirwood tree made you miss home.

“do you feel well?” a man’s voice startles you, and you are quick to wipe the tears still falling from your eyes, trying to pull yourself together before turning around.

you are surprised to see prince aegon standing a few feet away from you, genuine concern on his face.

you want very hard to say yes but you can’t say the words, so you just simply shake your head as more tears start falling from your eyes.

aegon doesn’t know what to do. he never knows what to do when someone cries in front of him, he’s not used to this kind of behavior. he can’t remember a time when someone from his family cried in front of him and he comforted them. or if they comforted him. because that never happened. so he doesn’t know if he should keep walking and leave you alone, or ask what’s happening. however, his legs are moving towards you before he can make a decision.

and you don’t know what to do. should you excuse yourself and run out of there? but your legs don’t move and your eyes can’t leave his face, lilac gaze studying your body, but not in a creepy and sexual way. it’s also the first time you and the prince are alone and you thought when that happened, you would feel uncomfortable, rumors fly fast inside and outside the red keep and prince aegon is the main protagonist in all of them. however you feel strangely calm.

“does this have to do with my brother?” aegon dares to ask. he knows your marriage is not an easy one, mostly because aemond is very cold towards you. he has seen you alone together just a couple of times and in all of them you’ve been looking sad and uncomfortable while his younger brother showed nothing with his expression.

it is sad to know prince aegon knows why you’re sad. does everyone in the red keep notice how unhappy you truly are?

aegon sits beside you, his hands on his lap as you move away making space for him on the little bench.

“i just feel so… alone.” you let your guard down, after all he is the one asking and you so desperately need someone to talk to, anyone, and if that person turns out to be the prince, then so be it.

aegon laughs bitterly, looking to his feet playing with a few leaves that had fallen from the tree. he knows that feeling too well, he has been feeling alone his whole life.

“and— and i can’t say anything to him because he doesn’t listen to me. it’s like i’m talking to a wall.” you sob, wiping your nose with the back of your hand.

prince aemond is your husband. but he’s also a total stranger too. you barely talk, he almost never looks at you and you haven’t consummate your marriage, something everyone is expecting for you to do. but how are you supposed to do it when he openly shows how much you bother him?

“i’m a burden to him!” you hide behind your palms, tears still falling from your eyes.

aegon feels a little better to know that his brother is stuck in a loveless marriage just like him. they might be very different but neither of them were able to escape from duty.

however, aegon feels something weird growing in his chest, something that doesn’t make him feel that much better. not while knowing that you’re hurting because of his brother.

aegon parts his lips, debating whether or not to say what he has not say to anyone. ever. because open up to someone is not something aegon targaryen has done before, he’s pretty good at hiding his feelings in a bottle of liquor. or a couple.

“i feel alone, too.” aegon looks for the right words but they don’t come to his mind and he feels very vulnerable. “i am a burden to everyone. my family. the servants. my own father doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

what the prince says is no surprise to you. you’ve heard the servants talking about the prince and how they wish to never be in the receiving end of one of his outbursts.

“see?” he says and you lift your gaze, turning to look at him, who is already looking with his lips curved in a small smile. “we have something in common! we’re not entirely alone.”

the kind gesture of prince aegon of trying to make you feel better is not something anyone would do, not in king’s landing at least, much less by saying something so personal. but it makes you smile through your tears.

it is strange, sitting on a bench with aegon targaryen, talking and being vulnerable. this definitely wasn’t on your list this morning when you woke up, but it is something you’re always going to remember.

“now,” aegon says, drawing out a handkerchief and holding it out to you. shyly, you accept it. “i am sure you miss home and i have nothing else to do… so why don’t you tell me everything i need to know about winterfell?”

your heart fills with pride and longing. and as you wipe your tears you start telling him about those cold and happy days of your childhood while prince aegon listens very closely.

[ncfan-1]

I keep telling myself that Mae is still a functioning adult, just one with severe amnesia, like Revan in KOTOR. She’s not really been regressed back to the age of eight and is now a little girl trapped inside an adult woman’s body! That can’t possibly be what Qimir actually did to her, haha, that can’t be what happened to her….

Look. The idea that Mae was fully regressed back to the age of eight goes beyond gut-wrenching; it’s fucking cruel. It’s not just hacking her mind to pieces; it’s subjecting her to long-term indignity and humiliation. If she has actually been regressed back to her eight-year-old self, every last bit of personal growth and personality development for the last two-thirds of her life has been stripped away. Beyond that, Mae can’t take care of herself as she would have been able to before. She can’t cook for herself. She can’t effectively clean her living space. She can’t pilot a ship. She can’t read, write, or do math on an adult level. Mae has been reduced to crippling dependency on the Jedi, who besides Vernestra likely actively dislike and distrust her—not just to be taken care of in the short-term, but to be taught how to be an adult again. She now relies on her captors for literally everything, the same institution that murdered her entire family. And it’s not just the things I talked about above that Mae would have to relearn how to do, is it.

I like to think that it was not the authorial intent for Mae to be regressed to the age of eight because I feel like the writers understand that would cast Osha and Qimir both in a dire light, Qimir for doing it to her and Osha for agreeing to it, once the audience saw the uglier details of what Mae being a little girl trapped in an adult’s body entailed. Because I feel like Osha and Qimir would have become much more difficult characters to sympathize with in Season 2 if we had a scene of them living freely, able to do what they want without having to worry about the Jedi, only for us to cut back to Mae in captivity, twenty-four-year-old Mae, and one of her captors is having to teach her how to use a fucking tampon because Qimir took that away from her in the memory wipe, too.

Like, it paints Qimir as so shockingly vindictive that it would put a good chunk of the audience off of him. As for Osha, that same chunk would look at her and ask, “This is the price you were willing to pay for your freedom? You were willing to subject your sister to this so long as you got to be free?”

So yeah, my hopes are settled on “functional adult with severe amnesia.” Because as gut-wrenching as even that is, it’s at least free of the added layer of indignity and humiliation Mae has been set up for if she really is now a little girl trapped in a woman’s body.

[ilovemylawyer]

hiii, im back <3333

i was just thinking about how doyoung kind of remains mysterious in his rituals, like i for once never seem to fully understand what tf is going on inside in his mind maybe i just didn't put enough effort in understanding his microexpressions, still ive been thinking about him winding down for the day lately and every trivial aspect of him like getting out of bath and using body oil or something, bonus points if it gets anomalous teehee because unlike some allegations of him being greasy i think he takes his hygiene very seriously!! atleast whenever he could. sooooo could you pleaaseee maybe sometime write about him just indulging himself in his unwind routine and getting ready for his next day, it's just very important for my mental health i think...yeahh and it doesn't matter which part of timeline it's set in, possibly somewhere in ep 6? im not being serious here, i never was.

lots of love byeee 💗💗💗

hihihi welcome back dear <33

doyoung is totally mysterious! i think it is absolutely intended by the show to make us, the viewers, not privy to the interworkings of his mind. this makes it easier for us to sympathize with dongsoo (to a point..) and it makes it easier for us as viewers to write doyoung off as a psycho criminal killer and NOT understand him as an inexperienced lovesick fool. i think this is totally intentional so i don't think you Missed anything by not scrubbing every scene <3

re: hygeine. HMMMM... so i am more of a greasetruther. at least up until the silver jacket gets replaced with suits and such. but all of that, the fashion upgrade for dy and his men, i see as a direct result of ds' desires. pre-suited dy and gang, his hair is noticeably like. greasy. it just is. i think if he cared about hygiene/appearance on his own, he'd keep his hair shorter and maybe own more than one pair of pants.

BUT! in ep6, he does change to become Cleaner. so your timing here would be correct. like i said i think this is only because of dongsoo. he realizes just how important status/respect/appearance* is to dongsoo, and decides to make himself more desirable by slicking his hair back and dressing like an adult. but i unfortunately do not think he would ever make this decision if not for dongsoo's high standards.

if i do this i think i can make it ep6, a little pre-funeral prep sesh. here are my problems: this would be totally doyoung centric, doyoung pov doyoung brained solo doyoung alone in his big borrowed house. this is AWESOME in theory, but i THRIVE with dialogue, back and forths and quips and spoken lies and stuff. i do not feel like i have a strong, detailed voice for bathtime relaxation. but also ep6 is a rocky dyds episode, ds is supposedly leaving for good and never coming back, dy knows his (ds') mom is going to be executed, dy has already said his would-be final goodbyes... this is tough.

and this: "im not being serious here, i never was." i think (and i could be wrong, i don't quite know, this is only my best guess) that you're trying to say something like "haha jk... unless?" but i am not entirely sure. but i take everything (EVERYTHING) very very very seriously even in our extremely fast paced irony-poisoned world. my friends call me "serious" all the time. there is no need to be anything but serious w/ me! otherwise i actually get pretty confused (which may be evident rn) but plzzz never feel any kind of shame or embarrassment for any kind of ask to me! FR!

i take this show and my contributions to it like, deathly seriously. that is the only reason i cannot 100% guarantee u that i can pull this off. i have started a doc and jotted down my initial notes/thoughts, so it is there! but this will not be my main focus rn. the longer i think on things the more ideas i get, so this request might just take me some time to mull over/break down/work out. and maybe it'll turn out like super radical gnarly awesome cool. this is something that we will find out together!

MUCH LOVE ALWAYS! thank u forever for ur ask and i promise i will think some more on this and see if i can't figure it out <33

[mueritos]

Hi! As a fellow trans dude who has recently discovered his autism at the ripe old age of 26, I can wholly sympathize with how you’re feeling right now. Everyone’s experiences are different, but from what you described we have very similar ones. I get extremely overwhelmed in loud, cramped situations to the point of losing speech, I get irritable and angry when planned events don’t adhere to my scheduled expectations, and certain frequencies (like clattering cutlery, loud drum beats through speakers, etc) make my nerves go haywire. What I can say is that you don’t have to call yourself autistic if you aren’t comfy with that, however it may help to learn and lean into autistic coping mechanisms for overstimulation (which sounds like that is happening during those social situations) like acquiring stim toys to help regulate, bring sensory dampeners like ear plugs (loop is a great company that makes ear plugs that block out certain frequencies for different situations), and listen to your body and your mind. If you can tell you’re starting to shut down, don’t force yourself to be like everyone else and stay if that isn’t what you want/can handle. It took me a long time to accept that I’m NOT like neurotypical people and i don’t have to pretend like I am just to fit in with the vibe. Do what feels best for you and your needs — no one else’s opinion is more important than that. If you find that you really do want to stay but can tell you’re shutting down, sometimes taking a break in a quiet space like a bathroom can help, and you can return after feeling better. I also highly recommend finding someone you trust in those situations who can help you leave if necessary. Whether it’s literally getting you out, or making it more socially acceptable/comfortable for you, I can personally attest to how much better it is when you can confide in someone about your needs in those moments and allowing them to assist you. Also, if it helps to know, I am not formally diagnosed as autistic for a variety of reasons, namely the things that can be denied of those with a formal diagnosis (like gender affirming care), but I have several autistic friends who have helped guide me to this conclusion and my life is much better for it. I know who I am and why I am Like This, and every day is easier knowing the ways I can actually help myself instead of questioning why I’m not like “everyone else”. I don’t need a diagnosis for that, and I’m happier this way. If you don’t want one either, that’s okay. Being autistic comes with a lot of ups and downs, but truly learning how to live with your brain and the way it works can lead you to so much light. The first time I let myself stim out of joy was a euphoric experience. I promise you that being autistic isn’t all sensory overload. I wish you all the best on this journey <3

thank you 😭 this is really sweet and really really helpful. I don't think I'm looking for a diagnosis either, mostly because I doubt most places I can get one will fully respect me or my experiences. I also don't want it to impede on getting GA care. Other than that, I feel like these symptoms have prolly been around for a long time, but it wasn't until a few years ago that I've been able to focus on them because HRT has made me have less turmoil. I guess my brain decided now was the time to start unraveling these experiences.

I relate though, and I genuinely dislike when plans are thrown off schedule or when things don't go the way I expect them to. It has made me rigid and become irritable when things change. For example, i was at a party that I was told would end at 10, except no one left, and I felt forced to stay an extra 2 hrs and I become overstimmed and silent. Other times it has happened when I already have a low social battery, and someone wants to be spontaneous and go do more social stuff.

I will say I have been focusing more on letting myself stim as well. I rock and fidget a lot more than I used to, and I rock forward quickly and sometimes shake my hands when I'm laughing (it's a lot easier to hide it when I'm laughing). Other times, I rock forward and shake my hands as I'm about to eat because i'm so excited. (I love food!!!!). It's also been in the way I process stuff, like taking things literally, delays in hearing, not being able to multi-task, being angry at being interrupted/distracted, being detail orientated, and I seek and avoid certain sensory stuff that aligns with other common autistic experiences (avoid bright lights/heavy noise, but seek pressure and low stimulation).

but I thank you for your input, it definitely makes me feel a lot better about having these experiences and also not being sure about taking on a label or not...i know self-dx is just as valid as an official diagnosis, but I can't deny these experiences and I also can't deny that autistic ways to cope with the world and with stimulation is working with me. It helps to learn about other people's experiences and compare it with mine, but also to know there are a lot of people in the same boat who are unsure or questioning :,)

[heavenlymorals]

Vikings ask who is hvitserk favourite brother

Me. I'm his favorite brother.

Just kidding, just kidding- I apologize for taking so long to answer this question, or more accurately give my thoughts but here they are:

It depends entirely on the seasons and what happened in said seasons.

In seasons 3-5A or even 5B, Hvitserk's favorite brother was definitely Ubbe. They did everything together, almost died together (twice, I might I add), probably trauma-bonded together because of those two instances, were able to relate to each other when it comes to the love of their parents getting more and more distant as the years went by. They had more memories together and trusted each other fully. Like you must REALLY love your brother to allow him to fuck your wife on your wedding day, but never mind that. I believe what ultimately ended that relationship was Ubbe's philosophy of authority. The Norse had this system of the eldest siblings typically having more inheritance/authority over the younger siblings. That's why he treated Hvitserk like a dog while allowing himself to be treated like a dog to Bjorn. Bjorn is older than Ubbe, so he has authority of Ubbe, and Ubbe is older than Hvitserk so he had authority over Hvitserk and so on and so forth. We can even see Hvitserk mentioning this system to Ivar, stating that they are his older brothers and he couldn't boss them around and that it is unacceptable. When Hvitserk jumps ship, he got tired of Ubbe's bullshit, of always treating him like, as I said before, a dog.

That is when things get complicated though. After he jumps ship, I still feel like his favorite brother was Ubbe, but you can also maybe point to Bjorn being his favorite. Bjorn allowed him back on his side after Ivar started acting like the mother of all psychotic assholes and there was a connection there before during the raids and stuff. However, I still feel like he still loved Ubbe the most as this point even though the relationship was obviously strained.

Then the drug arc beings and all the bridges are burned. Bjorn is livid and wants Hvitserk not only dead, but unable to achieve an honrable afterlife. Ubbe frankly doesn't give a shit and makes his loyalties clear that Bjorn matters to him more than Hvitserk ever will only because of that authority thing I talked about earler. They don't try to help him with his issues, they don't give a shit.

At the end of Vikings, in season 6, I feel like Hvitserk's favorite brother would be Ivar. They had a decent relationship in season 4 and we see that from their scenes, their smiles, and their body language. This continues till Ubbe leaves and that's when Ivar becomes a grade-A dick. When Ivar gets a reality check and gets sober from his power, he is able to sympathize and help. He helped Hvitserk when he found him alone in the woods. I'm going to assume that he helped him during his addiction as well from the few scenes/deleted clips that we have of them together when Hvitserk was in that state. Ubbe and Bjorn abandoned Hvitserk while Ivar was there in the end. All that happened in the past was water under a bridge (or just shit writing) to them and Ivar helped Hvitserk when no one else would, because he still cares for his brother unlike Bjorn and Ubbe. For season 6, Hvitserk's favorite brother is probably Ivar. Before that, definitely Ubbe.

Thank you so much for the ask and I hope you enjoy my never ending thoughts <3

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (881): Fri 16th Aug 2024

I read a story about tax havens this morning and I wondered how it is that the government seems to immediately accept whenever one of these huge companies find some sort of bullshit crock of semantics that allows them to not pay as much as they should be but they seem to be actively looking to sniff out some struggling family run small business to interrogate them into admitting that all their employees aren't quite working twenty nine hours bang on every week. These ultra rich cunts seem to get utterly offended at the very idea that a small section of their earnings that they probably won't even notice goes towards funding the NHS. Oh and by the way I personally think that if you are pro-life but anti-universal health care then you can fuck off and die. So if there's some teenage girl who's pregnant due to rape you wealthy wankers are happy to say to her "YOU NEED TO KEEP THAT BABY BECAUSE LIFE IS PRECIOUS. YOU NEED TO ABANDON ALL YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS FOR THE FUTURE AND SPEND ALL YOUR TIME AND MONEY ON THIS BABY BECAUSE LIFE IS PRECIOUS!" then when the baby is born and the girl tells you "My baby was born disabled and needs an operation to save her. Would you mind paying a bit more tax to help?" then you just ignore her and fuck off to your solid gold golf course in Hawaii. I think if anyone with £50 billion plus in the bank is complaining about having to pay more tax than they want to then I think the tax money should be taken out in the form of a check and given to a little girl who needs an operation and if these billionaire fucknuggets can take the check out of the little girl's hand (don't worry the little girl will have to hold the check at arm's length to make sure it doesn't get wet with her tears) then they can keep it. Now I am fully aware there are some who would have no problem doing this. I think Trump would snap it up in seconds then on the phone to Fox News telling them that it wasn't even a little girl but a little person. I found out that the wanker who tried and failed to steal my bike is now out of prison. He wasn't jailed for trying to steal my bike and despite this being his fiftieth offense in lass than two years the judge decided that everybody deserves a fifty-first chance and allowed him to remain free. Then a week later the silly twat tried to rob a girlss scooter and broke her hand by whacking it with a wrench and for this he was finally jailed. I was told that I was entitled to £250 of compensation but I never paif this was due to be paid by the culprit who is just some scruffy little rat claiming unemployment benefit. I did wonder how the fuck this knobhead is going to continue claiming jobseeker's allowance since there's no way he's going to be accepted for a job now that he has a criminal record, unless he blags his way into a mechanics job by telling them he knows how to use a wrench as he technically won't be lying. I think it's probably only a matter of time before the prick gets the urge to carjack / bikejack / busjack again andhe finds himself back behind bars since penis goblins like this never seem to learn. I remember reading about the sentencing in the paper and his defence said that his anti-social behavior was due to grief over the death of his father. While I sympathize to a degree with anyone who has lost a close family member, that doesn't excuse the fact that I was nearly £300 out of pocket because of how he chose to work through his grief and I'm glad that his Dad is dead and I hope someone digs up his father's body and corpsejacks it.

[k-s-morgan]

Hi! I've been in the Hannibal fandom for two years now. Rewatched the show many times and yet Will Graham still confuses me like no one else. Hannibal's design is complex but somewhat understandable after watching the show again again. But Will's design is like a loophole. He can empathise with the killers. That means he can understand them. If he can understand them then why does it feel good for him to kill them? How does it work for him exactly. Does he feel for the killers? If he felt for the killers then what about his violent tendencies towards them?

I've always thought that he is like a God. A God of the killers. The killers offer him their design and he takes sacrifice in return of understanding. But how does his psyche work exactly?

Hello! Oh yes, Will is a very confusing character - it’s his defining trait, and I think that’s because he lies to himself, to others, and to us as an audience. He wants one thing, wants to want another thing, does the third thing, and making sense of it is a complex process.

I think Will’s empathy is a big red herring. I agree with Freddie here: he understands killers because he’s one. He has an almost supernatural gift that helps him recreate the situations almost exactly as they happened. He understands what motivates killers, he might sympathize with them, but I think he might also envy them their freedom to be what they are. They are a reminder of what he is and what he can’t allow himself to have. But most importantly, they are a way for Will to find a compromise with himself and feel better about his true self. Killing bad people is an excuse to justify his darkness, but I don’t think it’s a part of his design per se. 

I agree with you that Will is like a God - he and Hannibal both are. That’s one of the things that separates them from others and elevates them above everyone else. Let’s make an overview of Will’s victims.

1) Hobbs. Hobbs was a monster and Will killed him. But it wasn’t about justice and righteousness, not according to him. Killing a person and feeling pleased that you saved someone versus liking the act of killing itself are drastically different things. Many police officers have to kill in their line of duty. Very few of them get off on the act of murder. Those who do are killers, and they are especially dangerous if they immediately try to follow it up with another murder. Will never once says he liked killing Hobbs because he made this world better. When asked, he says that he felt a sense of power. This is a motivation of many actual serial killers. If Will was just glad that he saved Abigail, he would know it's normal. He wouldn't have been almost on the verge of a break-down and haunted by Hobbs. So it’s not about helping others, it's about murder, even if the victim was a monster.

2) Stammets. Will had no reason to try to kill him (which he admits to doing). Based on his and Hannibal’s talk, he understands that he just wanted to feel what he felt after killing Hobbs, and this makes him panic. So again, no someone. He’s chasing the high of killing someone, and Stammets is the most appropriate victim. 

3) Ingram. On the surface, it looks like Will wanted to avenge Peter and himself by proxy, hence pulling the trigger on Ingram. However, after Hannibal manages to stop him, days later, Will complains about losing a chance to feel how he felt when killing Hobbs. Murder high is his main motivation again - everything else is background or an excuse, depending on your reading.    

4) Randall. Will threw away the gun on purpose to make the murder more intimate. This is not about justice and this is not about protecting himself because by doing this, he reduced his chances. Will also beat Randall up until he wasn't moving. There was no reason to snap his neck. Mutilation, cannibalism that followed, keeping his suit, admitting he enjoyed the murder and calling it his design - this is about murder and WIll’s love for it primarily. The design part is especially important: based on it, we can conclude that Will loves a performance just like Hannibal.  

4) Chiyoh and her prisoner who Will set up. Chiyoh was innocent and didn't deserve to die. Her prisoner might not have been guilty - in fact, Will was the one to suggest that, and yet Will still set him up. It was a game and he was an observer - he lied in waiting for Chiyoh’s scream. He then turned the body of a losing party into art. Very creepy and very like Hannibal.

5) Chilton. Will clearly explained his motivation: he wanted Chilton to pay just because he wanted to be famous and messed with Hannibal by writing his ridiculous book. Will showed no remorse and admitted he did it on purpose.

6) Police officers he set up to be killed by cooperating with Francis. The ones he stepped over without a second look. They were innocent and they were a collateral damage. Will is a cruel God who doesn’t bother with mere mortals as long as it fits his purpose. In this case, his purpose was freeing Hannibal. Everything else was still a blur in his mind. 

7) Francis. Enjoyed the murder, admired the blood, called the situation beautiful.

8) Bedelia. She's innocent in comparison to Will and his body count. If Will faced no repercussions and continued getting more and more people killed, she had every right to go free. But God doesn’t have to be fair, and Will proves it by targeting her. 

What does it all say about Will’s design and philosophy? Apart from Godlike attributes and indifference toward collateral damage, I think Will is led by his bloodlust - he just tends to control it and direct it at specific targets. 

Will might prefer to kill “bad people” in the first two seasons, but it’s the process of murder that excites him. So I see his righteous choices as a preference that helps him justify his dark nature partly, not the core reason for his violence. Hannibal seems to be moved by his interest in human nature and his hunter instinct, but Will, I think, is a truer killer because he actually feels drunk on murder. Unlike Hannibal, he looks downright euphoric when/after he kills Randall and Francis. In TWOTL, Hannibal is more focused on the fact that his dream came true and he and Will killed someone together, but Will seems primarily caught up in the murder after-shocks themselves. Hannibal thinks about Will, Will thinks about how beautiful blood looks under the moonlight.

So, post Fall, I believe that at first, Will will stick to killing bad people like murderers, but once some times passes, his need for justifications will fade. He’ll move on to rude people, only his rude will differ from Hannibal’s. Hannibal doesn’t differentiate between genders and ages, but I think Will will. He’s interested in a feeling of power, like he himself says, in a sense of dominance, so he’ll look forward to a fight. He won’t be interested in attacking a teenager like Cassie, for instance, because the power imbalance is too prominent. But as soon as someone more equal does something Will heavily dislikes, something that wakes his bloodlust (a personal insult, physical or verbal abuse toward other people/animals, etc.), he’ll attack. He’ll be careful - he knows how to avoid being caught, but it will still be unpredictable and passionate. Will is a storm to Hannibal’s calm.

Then there is unpredictability. Hannibal tends to plan everything methodically. The only times we see him being impulsive is in Europe, where he’s descending into self-destructive mode, so it’s not a norm for him. For Will, though? Will consists of unpredictability, and Hannibal is fascinated by it.I think Will is going to kill when an impulse strikes. For example, he might go shopping, without having any dark plans, and end up murdering someone because the circumstances pushed some unfortunate soul onto his path. Will might or might not display the body depending on his mood. Today he can be in an artistic mood, but tomorrow he’ll be in a violent and impatient one, wanting to destroy the body entirely and leaving a total mess behind.

How Will would prefer to kill? In my opinion, in an intimate way. It doesn’t mean he’ll be weaponless, but something like a knife would fit his tastes well. He’d be able to feel it plunge into his victim’s body, tearing through skin and muscles, etc. - personal and intimate. Akin to what he did with Francis - his feral half-snarl, the way he paused after stabbing him before opening him up - it was dark and mesmerizing. Will might get into strangling, too, because it takes a lot of time and it is even more intimate. It might end up being his favorite. So, I can see him using his hands or small weapons to fully sense what he’s doing to a victim. This is something that he has in common with Hannibal because from what we saw, Hannibal also enjoys more intimate and prolonged murders that give him a glimpse into a person’s pain and struggle for life.

[witcher-and-his-bard-archive]

Lay With Me

for @writinglizards <3

Jaskier can barely keep his eyes open. They've been walking for at least half a day with only a stop for lunch and Geralt may have inhuman stamina, but Jaskier does not. He stumbles over his feet and Geralt, to his credit, gives him a sympathetic look and slows Roach. Part of Jaskier is pleased about it, but another part wants to remind Geralt that he could just let him up there if he was really feeling sympathetic. There have been places to stay, but none with space for the both of them or willing to house a Witcher through the night. So Jaskier pushes on because he doesn't want Geralt sleeping out in the cold for him.

It's another couple of hours before they come across another town and Geralt immediately guides them toward the inn. He dismounts, leaving Roach tethered to the fence and Jaskier sighs. That's not a good sign. Jaskier follows Geralt up the steps and into the common room of the inn. It's unsurprisingly quiet for so late at night, but the innkeeper is still standing behind the counter.

He smiles when he sees them, but Jaskier can see the weariness behind his smile and he sympathizes.

"We need a room for the night, my companion is exhausted and the nights are cold." It's true, Jaskier thinks, but he'd rather sleep outside in the cold with Geralt than leave him outside on his own. More and more, that's looking like the only option.

"We've only got the one room," the innkeeper says solemnly, "just a single bed, I'm afraid."

"That's fine," Geralt says and for a second, Jaskier's heart leaps. They've never discussed sharing a bed, but now that the thought is there, it's all he can think about.

Geralt is warm and Jaskier always sleeps better when he's sleeping with someone. He likes the coziness of it, the warmth, the comfort of just being with someone even just for the night. And now that he's thinking about it, he's delighted to hurry up to their room and crawl into bed with Geralt. It's been a long time since he's shared a bed with someone and he's eager to get to bed as soon as possible. But as Geralt finishes talking to the innkeeper, Jaskier's hopes are dashed.

Geralt turns to him, smiling softly and hands him the key to the room.

"You take the room," he offers, "I've slept outside in worse weather than this."

"Geralt," Jaskier starts, but Geralt assures him he'll be fine, leaving no room for arguments as he turns back toward the door.

The innkeeper mumbles directions to the room and tells Jaskier he's turning in for the night. Jaskier nods quietly, but as he makes his way to the room, he's disappointed. He's thankful for Geralt offering him the room; after they've turned down so many, there's no reason for him to pay for a room now unless it's solely for Jaskier's benefit. He feels guilty about it, but the inn is warm and Jaskier doesn't want to discourage Geralt's generosity.

He goes up to the next floor and opens the door to a dimly lit room. He lets it shut quietly behind him and rests his things at the end of the bed before crossing to the fireplace. He's cold and tired, but his mind keeps going back to Geralt out in the cold alone. Maybe he's a Witcher, but that doesn't mean he's immune to the cold and it doesn't mean he shouldn't have nice things.

When the fire is lit, Jaskier crosses over the bed wishing he weren't so alone and trying not to think of Geralt out in the cold. He'd be so much happier, he thinks, if he would just come inside and curl up in bed with him. Jaskier climbs into bed, warm but unhappy and still worrying for Geralt. The sheets are soft, softer than he would have expected for an inn in the middle of nowhere, but maybe that's just because it's been so long since he's had a bed to sleep on.

Which only makes him sadder for Geralt. Without thinking, Jaskier throws the covers off himself and climbs out of bed again, wrapping the top blanket around himself before stumbling down the stairs and out into the cold. He knows Geralt well enough by now to know the kinds of places he likes to make camp and it doesn't take him long to find him.

When he does, Geralt jumps up and crosses over to him, rubbing his hands down Jaskier's arms.

"What are you doing?" he asks, frowning at him.

"Please come to bed," Jaskier breathes, "it's so cold out here and there's plenty of room in the bed for both of us."

It's a lie; the bed is large enough for one certainly, but not for the both of them to sleep side by side. Jaskier doesn't mind. He'd give up his own comfort for Geralt any day sync curling up with him hardly seems uncomfortable.

"I don't want to bother you," Geralt says and it's far more generous than he usually is, so Jaskier almost laughs.

"I assure you, you won't be. I sleep much better with a warm body next to me. Even with the fire, there's a chill in the room and I don't know that I'll sleep peacefully on my own." Geralt gives him a look and Jaskier pushes a little further. "You wouldn't want me to have a bad sleep now, would you?" and Geralt sighs.

Because as much as Geralt grumbles and groans about it, he really does take care of his companions, even if it's just ensuring Jaskier has somewhere warm and comfortable to sleep. Jaskier practically skips back to the inn with Geralt in tow, and they leave Roach at the stables, tucked into her own little stall, before heading back inside.

Jaskier can see the way Geralt relaxes a little in the warmth and he hates the fact that Geralt would have just let himself freeze out there in the grass. But he doesn't mention it. He herds him up to the room and when the door is locked and shut, Geralt strips out of his clothes and climbs into bed, though not without a little huff of complaint. Jaskier doesn't mind though, because when he slides into bed after him, the heat from Geralt's body radiates out and he shuts his eyes, basking in it.

He falls asleep rather quickly, without even getting to fully enjoy having Geralt in his bed, but he wakes only a little while later, to Geralt moving around in his sleep. A bad dream, he thinks, and he dreads to think what kind of nightmares plague a Witcher.

Curling closer, Jaskier slides a hand tentatively down his arm. When Geralt doesn't wake and doesn't complain, Jaskier slides an arm around him, bringing himself closer. With his chest pressed to Geralt's back he can smell the scent of his skin, the lingering scent of soap in his hair, and he smiles to himself. There aren't words to describe how much he loves Geralt or to dictate all the ways he loves him, but someday he'd like to try. Gently, he presses his nose against the back of Geralt's neck, placing a soft kiss there, and he shuts his eyes and falls asleep.

Jaskier doesn't wake again until morning, but when he does, there's a heavy weight against him. He'd dreamt about Geralt and at first, he assumes the feeling is a lingering remnant of the dream, but then there's a soft, contented sigh from behind him and he remembers.

A grin spreads across his face and he shifts slightly, revelling in all the places they're still touching, though they've switched places. Geralt is now wrapped around him, one arm slung low over his hips beneath the blankets and as Jaskier blinks awake, Geralt's fingers slip across his skin, running softly up his thigh.

"Good morning," Jaskier mumbles. He turns onto his back and Geralt shifts to look down at him, a soft smile on his face.

"Mm, good morning. Do you always talk in your sleep or just when you have someone in your bed?" Jaskier pulls back, frowning.

"I don't talk in my sleep."

"No? Then you were awake when you told me I smell nice? Or that you love me more than your lute?"

Jaskier's cheeks burn and he ducks forward, burying his face in Geralt's chest which, coincidentally, does smell nice. Geralt chuckles and pulls him closer, pressing his nose into his hair.

"D'you really love me more than your lute?" Geralt teases and Jaskier mumbles. "What was that?" Jaskier pulls back, staring up at him.

"Yeah," Jaskier whispers, pressing a hand to Geralt's chest. "I do."

"Oh." The smile fades from Geralt's face, replaced with a look of surprise, like somehow after all these years, he might still think Jaskier doesn't absolutely adore him.

"Geralt?" he asks softly, "why do you think I wanted you to come in last night?"

"Because it was cold."

"Because I didn't want you sleeping in the cold. Because I care about you, darling. Because I love you." Geralt looks stunned, so after a beat, Jaskier reaches up, brushing his fingers along his cheek. "More than my lute."

"That's… a lot," Geralt says like he doesn't quite believe him. Jaskier decides to spend the morning convincing him of it.

"Oh, my darling, you have no idea."

[rowyn-writes]

A Mother's Love Part Two

Warnings: Pregnancy, fluff, major angst, implications of depression

Pairings: Dean x Wife!Reader

Characters: Dean, Jack, Sam, Reader, Cas (Mentioned only)

Word count: 3k

You sat on the couch of your childhood home, staring blankly at the T.V. Your knees were pulled up to your chin as you had your arms wrapped around your legs. It had been three weeks since you left the bunker, and you felt empty inside.

Your mother sat beside you, a cup of tea and honey in her hand and a concerned look on her face. "Darling, you have to eat something. I know you haven't been feeling well, but you still need to stay healthy." You didn't respond to her as she set the cup of tea in your hands.

Everything felt numb. It was like you didn't feel any emotions at all. The world felt dull. Like all color had been stripped and it left you in darkness.

"Sweetheart, what happened?" She asked softly. Even though you had been with your parents for almost a month now, you had never fully discussed what happened with Dean.

"Mom, please-"

"No, Y/N." She put her foot down. "You call me one day, clearly upset saying that you and Jack were going to stay here for a while. You get here and you don't look like the daughter that I knew. You've changed."

You scoffed at your mother's words. "I'm getting a divorce, of course I've changed."

She sucked in a breath of air. "Y/N. What happened?" You gave your mother a brief rundown of what happened with you, Dean and Jack. "Oh, honey." She sympathized. "I am so sorry. You know that you and Jack are welcomed to stay as long as you like. I know your father is excited to have a grandchild."

Your heart skipped a beat as you looked up to your mother. "What?"

"Jack, of course." She explained. "Look at them. Your dad's so happy. It's about time you give us a grandson."

"Lord knows you couldn't count on Chris for that." You rolled your eyes. "He can't keep a girl to save his life." Your smile began to fade slightly as your stomach did flips. Your mom noticed your green complexion and ran to grab a trash can. It was nearly too late as you felt your dinner from last night coming back up. She held your hair back as you did so, calling for your dad to get a wet washcloth.

You felt a cold cloth across your forehead, cooling your body. "Mom!" Jack said worriedly. "Are you okay?.

"She's okay, kiddo." Your dad assured him. "She's just not feeling too well." He mumbled skeptically.

You sat back against the couch, holding the rag to your head. "Jack," Your mom called. "Why don't you and I go make some cookies?"

Jack smiled at the idea, looking to you for approval. "You don't have to ask me, sweetheart. Go have fun."

You mother dipped down to whisper something unintelligible in your dad's ear before going to the kitchen.

"Y/N," He shook his head. "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"Because I don't want it to be real." You muttered. "I don't want to think about the last thing that Dean said to me or the look on his face. I want to wake up and for this whole thing to be a dream. But I know it's not. I won't wake up next to him tomorrow and I don't get to tell him how much I love him." You chocked on a sob, covering you mouth with your hand so Jack wouldn't hear.

"Oh, my sweet girl." Your dad said softly, pulling you into his side. "I am so sorry, my darlin'." You rested your head on his shoulder as tears slipped down your cheeks. "That's not it, though. Is it? There's something else."

"Papa, I think I'm pregnant." You confessed. "I'm late and I've been sick all week."

"Have you taken a test yet?" He asked. You shook your head. "Okay, I'll tell you what. I'll go by the drug store and get a couple of tests, just to be sure, and I'll grab you some food on the way home. How does that sound?"

"Great." You said with a small smile. He kissed the top of your head before grabbing the keys and heading out of the house.

---

Five.

Five tests that had come back positive. Each one that you looked at made your heart sink more and more. "Oh god." You whimpered. "Damnit."

"What does it say, sweetie?" Your mother questioned from the other side of the door. You slowly opened it up and showed her the positive pregnancy test.

"Are they all positive?" You nodded.

"What am I gonna do?"

"I think you should call Dean-"

"No." You said firmly. "I'm not calling Dean. He made it very obvious that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore."

"Y/N," Your mother spoke firmly. "I'm not justifying what Dean said or did in the moment, however, he was just as hurt as you were because you were leaving with Jack and you didn't know how long you would be gone. I really think you should call him. I think he would want to know you're pregnant with his baby."

You sighed at her words. You knew she had a point. She was your mother, she's always right. "What if he doesn't care?" You whispered. "What if he hears my voice and hands up on me?"

"Then that's his loss, honey." She cooed. "The least you can do is try."

---

MEANWHILE, AT THE BUNKER;

"Dean." Sam shook his brother. "Dean. C'mon dude, wake up."

Dean groaned as his eyes peeled open. "What?" He grumbled.

"You've been sleeping in here all night." Sam said, crossing his arms. "You should probably get some rest in your own bed, or at the very least, the couch. And charge your phone while you're at it, it's dead."

Dean stretched add he looked at the empty whiskey bottle set on the table and the picture of your wedding day beside it. It had been a rough few weeks since you had left. "You know I can't go sleep in that damn bed." He growled.

"Dean, I offered to switch rooms with you-"

"I don't want to switch rooms!" He snapped. "I want my wife back."

Sam frowned as he looked at his brother. He looked awful. He hasn't shaven in weeks, his hair's a mess, and there were dark circles under his eyes.

"Why don't you call her, Dean?"

"Because, after what I said, she'll never take me back. I was too harsh on her. Plus my phone is broken."

"One, you have ten phones, and two, yeah, you were a complete ass." Sam agreed. "You should have seen her when she left here. I had never seen anyone so. . . Broken before. You know they sparkle she had in her eyes?" Dean nodded. "It was gone. Her entire face seemed dull, almost like she had aged ten years."

Dean put his head in his hands, feeling defeated. "What have I done?"

"I don't know, but you had better make it right."

---

"Still no answer?" Your father asked. You had called Dean three times now and still no answer.

"Nope. Not a sound."

"I'm sorry honey," Your mother sympathized, rubbing your back. It's that anything we can do?"

"Yeah," You nodded. "I need space. I need to spend more time with Jack before the baby comes. I just want to know what it's like to be a mother."

"Of course." Your dad agreed. "Take the keys to the cabin in Colorado. I know that's a lot of good memories there and no pesky neighbors to worry about "

"Thanks, dad." You smiled. "We'll be outta here soon."

"You don't have to leave in a rush, kiddo. You know that we love having you here."

"I know."

---

"Why are we going to your parents cabin in Colorado?" Jack asked curiously as he peered out the window.

"Uh," You bit your lip as you tried to come up with a suitable lie to tell Jack. You hated how much you were lying to Jack lately, but you knew that he wouldn't understand the things that you were going through. "I just wanted to show you the place and stay up there for a little while. It's nice and quiet, you'll love it. It's cold up there and it's snowy in the winter. I used to go sledding all the time when I was younger and then my parents would call me in for hot chocolate and a movie. We can do that together. How does that sound, Jack?"

"It sounds great, Mom!" He smiled goofily. Every time he called you 'Mom,' your heart melted. You loved that Jack felt so comfortable around you to call you his mother. You knew that you would never be able to replace Kelly, and you would never want to, but you did want to make him feel safe and loved. You wanted Jack to know what a mother's love feels like. Jack blamed himself for the death of his mother, and you understood his grief, but you had told him time and time again that it wasn't his fault. Kelly wanted to go through with the pregnancy and refused to listen to anyone else's opinions on the matter. You just wished he understood that.

You felt a tear roll down your cheek, quickly wiping it away. "What's wrong, Mom?" Jack questioned. "Is it about Dean?"

You glanced over at Jack in surprise. "Why would you say that?"

"Well, Sam and Dean aren't here, and Dean hasn't called you to check up on you since we left. I know that whenever you go on a hunt by yourself, Dean calls you everyday to make sure you're okay."

You sighed heavily as you looked at the road in front of you. "Dean and I are. . . Going through a tough time right now. That's why I wanted to get away for a while. And I didn't want to go by myself, so that's why I wanted you to come with me."

"Are we ever going back to the bunker?"

"I don't know. . . It's a difficult situation, Jack. Right now, I don't think that I will be going back home anytime soon. But if you want to go back, I'll take you back. I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do."

"I want to stay with you." He said firmly. "But I also want you to be happy. You don't look happy anymore. You don't smile or laugh the way you used to. You sit on the couch watching reruns of Friends, and I've heard you crying at night. Sometimes I think you forget that I don't sleep very much."

You said nothing in response, knowing that Jack was right. You wanted to call Dean one more time, but you knew it was fruitless. He wasn't going to answer. But you did have Sam. When you finally arrived at the cabin, you sent Jack to unpack while you dialed Sam's number. After three rings, he finally picked up.

"Hello, Y/N? Are you okay? How's Jack?" He asked in one breath.

"Hey, Sammy. I'm fine, and so is Jack. I just wanted to call and make sure that you haven't gotten killed by anything."

"Nope, we're still alive." He gave a small chuckle. "How are you, Y/N, really? Don't lie to me, because I know when you're lying."

"I miss him." You sniffed. "Being away from him hurts me." Your voice cracked, forcing you to clear your throat. "We've been married for five years. And I know that to the average person that doesn't seem like a long time, but we're hunters, Sam. You know how hard it is to stay in a relationship in our line of work. I've been in love with him for half my life, and now, for us to be in this situation, it sucks, Sam. I can't think of any other word to describe it. It really fucking sucks."

Sam was quiet for a moment as he listened to you cry. "I'm sorry this is happening, Y/N. I never thought that this would happen to you and Dean. But I've known Dean my whole life, and I've known you since we were twenty, so I think that I'm entitled to make a judgement on this." You let out a small laugh. "You two have been in love longer than you've been together, but both of you have been to dumb to realize it. You argue like cats and dogs because you're so certain about what you believe in. You're both so passionate about things that you never let up. And now that you're finally together, you have been so happy. Dean has never felt this way about anyone that he's been with, male or female. He loves you so much, Y/N, that it kills him. You have both come too far to for things to end like this. I'm going to tell you the exact same thing I told Dean; fix this."

"I want to, Sammy, I just don't know how."

"Stop hiding, for one. You can't fix something when you're hundreds of miles away." You groaned as you felt a wave of nausea was over you. "Y/N?" You quickly made your way to the bathroom. "Y/N? What's going on? Are you okay?"

You leaned against the wall once you were done throwing up. "Yeah, yeah, Sam, I'm okay."

"What was that about, then?" Sam questioned. When you didn't answer, he began putting the pieces together himself. "You're pregnant."

"SHH!" You hissed. "Don't say that!"

"Why not? Because you don't want Dean to know?" He spoke coldly.

"Sam, please, don't say anything."

"How long have you known, Y/N? And how long do you plan on keeping this from Dean?"

You sighed as you pinched the bridge of your nose. "I've known for a couple of days, okay? And I don't know when or how I'm going to tell Dean. He made it very clear that he didn't want anything to do with me the last time we talked. Besides, I tried to call him and he didn't answer my calls, so don't try to pin me off as the bad guy here."

"When did you try to call him?" The hard edge in Sam's voice disappeared.

"Three days ago, when I found out I was pregnant."

You could hear Sam let out a small laugh. "Three days ago I came in the kitchen to find Dean passed out on the table, hung over as hell and holding on to the picture of your wedding day. And beside him was his broken phone. His main phone, which I'm assuming is the one that you called?"

"Yeah. . ." You said meekly.

"Hang up and call his second phone. Please, will you do that for me?"

"Yes," You nodded, even though you knew he couldn't see you.

"I love you, Y/N/N."

"I love you too, Sammy." You sighed as you hung up the phone. You were terrified to call Dean. You hadn't spoken to him since that night all those weeks ago. You were still hurt, and you knew that Dean was hurting as well, and all you wanted was to hear his voice. You took a deep breath as you dialed his second phone number.

It rang five times before going to voicemail, making your heart sink. Not a minute later, the number called back. "Hello?"

"Y/N." Dean's voice said gruffly. "Sam told me you were going to call."

"Did. . . Did he tell you anything else?" You asked.

"Just that I needed to talk to you. What's going on?"

"I miss you," You confessed. You needed to tell Dean everything, and that included telling him how you felt. "I hate the way things ended between us, and I know that it wasn't solely on you or me. But I love you, Dean, and I will never stop loving you. And I know it's unfair I left and this is how I'm trying to get you back; over the phone. I would much rather be doing this in person. But I love you, Dean, and I always will. No matter what you say or do, I love you."

You could hear Dean struggling to breathe correctly. "Where are you?"

"My parents cabin, wh-"

"I'll be tomorrow morning." And with that, he hung up.

---

You paced back and forth in the living room, biting your nails. Dean didn't say what time he was going to be here, but he just said that he would be here in the morning. You had stayed up all night thinking about him. About the way his hair fell into his face after a shower, and how he always smelled like whiskey and firewood. The way his eyes would crinkle at the edges whenever he laughed, really laughed. But your favorite thing was when you had just finished a hunt, and you would go to lie down in bed, Dean would pull you close to him and whisper how much he loves you.

A sharp knock at the door snapped you out of your trance. "Who is it, Mom?" Jack asked, peering around the corner.

"Why don't you come see, kiddo." You wiped your sweaty palms on your jeans before opening the door to reveal Sam and Dean. "Hi," You smiled. Sam was the first to come inside and hug you. He grinned as he pulled away, ruffling your hair.

"Why don't I take Jack into town for a little bit while you guys work this out?" He suggested.

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds good. Jack, go put on your shoes, you're going into town with Sam for a little while." Jack beamed at your works, hurriedly putting his shoes on a following Sam out the door.

"Hi," You said once more after Sam and Jack were gone. Dean didn't say a word as he hugged you tightly. You melted into his touch, feeling comfort in his embrace. The familiar smell of whiskey and firewood filled your nostrils. You closed your eyes to savor this moment. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

taglist:

@vicariouslythruspn @mimaria420 @fofisstilinski @daphnen21 @katwed @anunstablefangirl @desimarie12 @alderpine @rebeccaitsnotwhatyouthink @akshi8278

Also, yes, there will be a part 3

[panlight]

apologies if this has been discussed before but- what do you think would happen if bella found out about the conversation the cullens had in midnight sun about killing her? say emmett accidentally let it slip that "oh yeah jasper and rose nearly murdered you but alice talked her out of it lmao" how would she react? how would it affect her relationships w the cullens?

I think I have answered something similar before (basically that I think SM would write Bella as being weirdly cool with it, like "oh yeah I get it, you had to protect your family, it's not personal" and Jasper and Rosalie would just be like ". . ." about it like, wow you picked a weird one, Edward), but it's a good jumping off point to something I've been thinking about.

SM seems to be framing Bella as being so compassionate and so good and that she's even sympathetic to vampires, wow, what an amazing person! She doesn't care that Edward's killed before, she forgives their past mistakes, she sympathizes with their thirsts, she's probably unbothered that they had a family meeting about whether or not to murder her. Or to paraphrase Jacob in BD, Bella "loves things she shouldn't," and it's written as proof of just how 'good' she is.

But like, is it, though? At what point does sympathizing with monsters make you monstrous?

Obviously we've talked before that SM's own inability to see/acknowledge how the Cullens moving to Quileute land is objectively terrible makes it impossible for the characters themselves to fully grasp it, so even giving Bella a pass on that, there's that bit in New Moon where she jumps to the conclusion that Jacob and the wolves are killing people and goes to confront him about it and is planning to say they can't be friends if he kills people. This is the same girl who told Edward it didn't matter when he confessed his murderous past. He TOLD her he was a killer, and she's like "whatever." She just assumes Jacob is one and wants to end their friendship.

And it's reinforced with Jacob's narration in BD, seeing Carlisle as good, seeing Esme a mother figure, it's like Jacob is supposed to learn to sympathize with the Cullens and realize that vampires aren't two-dimensional villains, but SM doesn't bother with the reverse. There are some lines with Edward like "oh if you weren't trying to rob me of the love of my existence I might even like you" and Carlisle tries to talk Sam out of fighting with them "Don't get your family slaughtered for pride," but that's about it. The sympathy for the wolves and their suffering is just not on the same level as "oh gosh the poor vampires trying so hard not to murder people. :("

Then again, vampires are just objectively waaaaaay more monstrous than the wolves and it's so strange to me that SM even attempts to call the wolves 'monsters.' They just . . . aren't? They aren't wolf-men like Children of the Moon or classic werewolf movies. They are shapeshifters who can take the form of wolves, and they do so to protect humans. There's literally nothing monstrous there. The transformation isn't even like the body-horror grotesquery of Classic werewolf stories. It's just a *poof* kind of instant transformation, which is exactly what led to the Sam/Emily incident.

I don't really know where I'm going with this other than like, well, it's one thing to be sympathetic to vampires being always thirsty or having sore throats forever. But to be like "oh well" when your boyfriend confesses to being a murderous vigilante for four years, or to instantly forgive his brother who tried to kill and eat you on your birthday, or to be like "lol yeah I mean I guess you had to kill me if I knew too much! Have to protect your family! No hard feelings!" I don't know. Is that being good and compassionate and sympathetic? Or is this some "born to be a vampire" perspective she had all along that doesn't come from goodness? Because she seems to favor the vampires over humans sometimes.

[phixiesworld]

Being Angelica's and Jack's daughter would include:

Pairing: mother! Angelica x reader, Jack Sparrow x reader (PLATONIC)

Request: from @jamesnorringtonscoat "Hi i just found your blog from POTC imagines and ect. I was wondering if i could request heacanons for being Angelica Teach's daughter? Maybe Jack is the father?? If not thats totally fine have a great day!"

Note: sorry, I couldn't tag you for some reason. it got a bit out of my hands and got quite long, I hope you still like it tho! Also, this is my first time writing Headcanons, so if I did it completely wrong or something, you can just tell me and I'll start over :) sorry for taking so long!

(not my gif)

-You and Angelica, your mother were very close

-She trusted you enough to bring you along on all her adventures

-when your mother found her dad, she naturally brought you along on his ship

-you and Blackbeard got quite close as well

-you never knew who your father was, untill Angelica came back on the ship with the infamous pirate captain, Jack Sparrow

-She told you while he was still unconscious

-you hadn't talked to Jack when he woke up because you were afraid he wouldn't like you

-when you reached white cap bay, both Blackbeard and Angelica told you to stay on the ship, telling you it was safe there

-but when the mermaids came on board they were proven wrong

-they tried attacking you but you grabbed your sword and fended them of

-although you killed most of them, you knew they were gonna need a mermaid who would still be alive

-before the mermaids that were still alive could get away, you grabbed a rope and bounded one of them in it

-when everyone came back on board without having caught a mermaid, you were happy that you kept the mermaid, which you had already put in the glass coffin like box with water

-let's just say everyone was surprised you could get a mermaid while they couldn't

-when you all reached the island which was told held both the fountain and ponce de leons ship, they told you to stay on the ship once again

-although this time you didn't listen and went with them

-when you all reached a valley like river, you got a good scare

-since Blackbeard almost shot your mother in the face

-you suggested to jump first and go with Jack, seeing that your pretty good at navigating and protecting yourself

-Angelica hesitantly approved while Blackbeard didn't want you going because he didn't trust Sparrow

-but since he had only known you for a few weeks, maybe months, it wasn't his choice to make

-because Jack was scared for his life, you jumped in first, hitting the water with a big splash

-you and Jack had gotten to talk while searching for ponce de Leon's ship and while you'd never admit it face to face, you liked Jack's goofiness

-when you two finnaly found the ship, Jack told you to stay, telling you something felt a bit off

-when he came back he wasn't alone, having brought back Barbossa, he seemed nice enough but since he was working for the king you were weary of him

-you asked Jack what happend in there and why he didn't bring the chalices

-Jack told you that the Spanish had them, so off you were to the camp of the Spanish

-when you arrived there you once again was told to lay back, but this time you didn't listen and went in front of Jack and Barbossa

-before they could get the change to get the chalices, you were already on the table and got them one by one, and quickly ran back

-in the end they caught you, Jack and Barbossa and tied you to a pair of trees

-you and Jack were bound together

-when you and the other were finnaly free, you and Jack went back to find your mom and granddad

-and when you found them Angelica sighed in relief, seeing that you are safe

-on the way back you found out that Jack had gotten the chalices anyway and tied them to a pig, which a guy called Gibbs was now holding on to

-you've been walking for quite a while now and was complaining, Blackbeard offered to let someone from his crew carry you, and although it was a tempting offer, you didn't want any of the crew carry you, plus you didn't fully trust them

-Blackbeard wasnt really sure if Jack was going the right way since you've practically crossed the whole island somewhat

-Then you all suddenly stopped, walking to the front you saw that Jack was looking at a raindrop that went up instead of down

-When you got to the end of the cave Jack found, while losing a crewmember, sadly, you stared at Jack, unimpressed

-you all stared weirdly at Jack before he actually found the entrance

-when you all had entered there was a fight, Angelica holding you behind her, protecting you

-she knew you could protect yourself but she didn't want to see you hurt in the slightest way

-when the battle was over, the Spanish having left and a few bodies scattered trought out the cave, both your mom and granddad had managed to get a poisoning cut

-you knew that one of them would die in these few days but you could never be prepared enough

-Angelica had decided she would "die" for her father, leaving you behind, Jack had other plans

-jack handed the two the cups and they both drank

-"Take care of our daughter when I die Jack.."

-Jack looked between you and Angelica, seeming very very confused

-then it got clear that Jack had "gotten confused in which cup he put the tear and which not" seeming that suddenly water consumed Blackbeard, taking his life

-you just stared wide eyed at the now falling bones of what used to be your grandfather

-after everything that happened in that cave, your mother gave you a big hug

-in the end Jack brought you and Angelica to a random port, leaving you there, not before promising to visit once he gets his beloved Pearl back

-both you and Angelica begging to take you two with him, not wanting to be stranded on some island

-jack gave a sympathic look before rowing away