#my blood boiled so to calm myself i'm reblogging this

[yourssinfullyquiche]

honestly op, those people make my blood boil

I cannot, do not, and will not ever understand people's hatred of the hunger games' epilogue.

Katniss choosing to have children is not out of character. Full stop. Peeta does not force Katniss to have children. Full stop.

Katniss repeats throughout the books that she never wants to have kids because she does not want to bring them into the horrible reality that she has experienced. She takes 15 years to heal from this trauma before she finally feels that the world is safe for her kids.

Katniss's choice to have children isn't out of character because she is not the same character as when we left her just after the war. She is not a scarred 17-year-old anymore.

And while Peeta is a driving force in the decision, she doesn't just have them for him. In the epilogue, Katniss literally talks about the joy of holding her daughter!!!! You can see that she has grown and changed opinions in the last 15 years (because of course she could over that period of time).

I will absolutely concede that the movie gutted it of so much depth, but in the book? It is hopeful and it is beautiful.

[resssistance]

I've debated for a long time whether I should write/post this or not. As I'm writing this, I'm still not sure. There won't be any links or important information, it won't be tagged, please don't reblog this. Not trying to gain sympathy here, just.. idk consider this a diary entry, I'll talk about my day mostly. Feel free to skip for any reason, it's long, messy, depressing and devoid of real substance. Take care of yourself.

I've never mentioned it directly here, but I'm from Ukraine. Most of you can see where this is going by now.

I'm Ukrainian, was born and raised in Donbas, in a small town that as of 8 years now is a part of L/DPR - temporary occupied territory. I moved from there not long after it's all started as I'd planned much earlier, but for a different reason now. My family stayed, reasons changed over time, but it never was because they supported that regimen or anything. They had no choice, as many others who keep living or died there.

I'm not going describe how these 8 years were for us - my country, my region, my loved ones and me personally. I'll just say there was a lot of fear, anxiety, isolation, anger, uncertainty, injustices from both governments. Talking about it more only makes my blood boil and I don't have the capacity for it right now.

Today I (and everyone else here) woke up with a start at 5 AM from the sound of projectiles going off somewhere right outside of the city border. There was panic in my head, from the confusion and how unexpected it was. It didn't last long though. By the time I got dressed and went out in the hall, my brain was practically devoid of anything, just something akin to resignation. I've probably looked out of place with all my neighbors being shocked and panicking, which is a proper response, but for me it wasn't as terrifying and unfamiliar. I've seen it already, I've been there. Being used to horrible things is an uncomfortable thought.

So I've washed my face, went out to the nearest ATM to have some cash on me, finally called through to my mom while at it, made sure they were okay. Spoke to neighbors while they were trying to find a safe place to go and how to get there, all with no internet, overloaded cell phone services and lack of official information. As many of them gathered their kids and started to leave, I ate my breakfast under new round of something firing and scrolled through some local chats. My body seemed to take most of the shock and stress on itself and physically I felt awful, so I just went to sleep again. Is that strange? Most probably. But I got a couple of hours of rest, with some interruptions.

[I, I, I, me, me, me. Why always so self-centered? But I'll give myself a pass on this tonight, I need to process at least something]

Throughout the day (and even now) I was just as detached. Managed to find an open pet store nearby to buy food for my rabbit, couldn't walk my stress off as per usual, but at least breathed some fresh air, the weather was perfect actually. In the afternoon there was info about possible bombardement, of the civil places this time, and almost all who hadn't left in the morning went into the nearest basements and other hidings. I packed the emergency bag and the carrier, but stayed put, for both rational and irrational reasons. Thankfully, my pet is also pretty calm today.

It's already dark outside, no street lights tonight. Some neighbors came back for a couple of hours, but are about to leave again, no one knows how the night will go. The lovely lady, that kinda adopted me here over the years, urged me to go with them, I refused again, at least for now. Not that I'm this fearless, it's just.. I'm much more worried about my family that I can't be with this time, even if for now it's calmer where they are. I don't want to run to a safe place, if there is any, I want to go home. And I'm afraid of what comes next after it'll be over, one way or another. Worried about my mom not getting any sleep tonight because of me.

It's half past 9PM, there was some shelling again. It's been a very long day. Everything is eerily quiet.  Still no internet (which also means no work), the mobile one is very shitty today, too overloaded probably, barely enough for a messenger, sometimes can handle Youtube on 144p (bring me back my 2007). I have a ton of new and old stuff to watch downloaded, my saved fic library is somewhere close to 1K titles, so I can go by a long time, and that's not even counting music. Just didn't feel like it today. I feel tired.

It's a very depressing post and I don't have a happy ending for it yet, sorry. Not sure why I'm doing this. And don't worry, I will evacuate when necessary, it's not like I'm hopeless to the point of giving up, I have my reasons to stay in for now. Don't lose your sleep over us too, it'll help no one. Grab a soft blanket if it's cold enough, pet your animals, make yourself some tea. I'm about to do the same. Take care, stay safe 💛

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Hey guys! I accidentally wrote a ficlet about Catalina that takes place after "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf." Since this one's only 1.5K, I've decided to share it here on tumblr, though you can also check it out on my Ao3! If you like it, it would mean the world to me if you would reblog, and if you want similar content, check out the fic I wrote that I'm most proud of, Worlds Within Words, (formerly Meeting in the Worlds Within Words,) and maybe leave a nice comment there as well?

Anyways, without further self promotion:

The Monsters

By kazoosandfannypacks

Catalina hadn't been around New Old Corona very much, so while her friends were working on her and Kiera's new treehouse, she decided it was high time to go exploring.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Kiera asked, hanging upside down from the tree.

"Uh, I'm good." Catalina tucked a hair behind her ear. "I want to explore the streets myself. You can stay here and help supervise the construction."

"Okay. Just be safe- and don't get too upset."

"I won't." Catalina nodded. Usually, Kiera would be the one you'd have to remind to stay calm- after all, they don't call her "Angry" for nothing- but it was a bigger concern for Catalina now, due to recent events.

Catalina put her hands in her pockets and walked down the dirt path, smiling at songbirds and kicking a rock across the road.

The rock she kicked ended up in the middle of a group of girls braiding each other's hair, and when they saw the rock, they looked up at her.

"Hi." Catalina said, shyly. "What are your names?"

Before she started speaking, the girls started whispering to each other, and by the time she finished, they had fled the area.

"That's weird." Catalina muttered. "Wonder what that was about?"

While she walked down the street, shutters closed and moms pulled their children into their houses. Catalina looked around, startled, wondering what everyone was so afraid of. A mother and her child walked down the sidewalk, quickly.

"Hello!" Catalina waved. "I'm new here. What's...."

They walked away without even stopping, almost like they hadn't heard her, but even more like they had and were avoiding her.

"What's gotten into everyone?" Catalina asked, frustrated. She could actually feel her blood begin to boil, and every hair on her body stood on end.

"Oh yeah." She took a seat at a nearby fountain to calm down, and stared at her reflection in the water, trying to calm down enough for her eyes to turn green again and her sharp teeth to smooth out again.

Just when she was getting a fresh start again- of course, something like this would happen.

"You just can't let a good thing stay that way, can you?" She asked her reflection, angrily scratching away at its reddening eyes and burying her head in her arms.

She didn't ask to be orphaned as a child, but it happened. It wasn't her decision to become theives, it was Kiera's, and she'd gone along with it. It wasn't her decision to move to Old Corona, and while she was happy they'd settled for a compromise, she still felt upset that her voice wasn't always heard.

"No wonder no one listens to me." She thought. "The one time I did make a decision, look what I chose." Her reflection started to change shape now.

"Calm down." She told herself. In the past few days, she'd found that the hatred that best fueled the curse was hatred of herself, and ever since that incident, it had been the easiest anger to access.

She looked at her wolfish face, reflected in the crystal water, and tried instead to focus on its gentle flow to calm her. Slowly, her canine features faded.

"Why did I ever make a decision like that?" Catalina asked herself. "Why did I choose to be the monster?"

Just then, another furry creature approached- a little grey one, who ran at her so fast, she almost didn't notice him until he pounced on her lap.

"Ruddiger?" She asked, picking up the raccoon and holding him up in front of her.

"You're not scared of the monster here too, are you?" Ruddiger maintained as confused a face as a raccoon could have, before jumping onto her shoulder and cuddling up for a hug.

"Awww. Do you know what it's like to be the monster?" She almost thought he nodded at her, but, why?

She noticed a slight scorch on his fur, as if he'd been near a little explosion, like the ones from Varian's failed expiriments.

"Ah, Varian." Catalina laughed as she began to pet Ruddiger. "No matter what he does, chaos follows. At least he's not evil anymore; that wasn't fun for anyone in Corona, right Ruddy?"

Ruddiger looked up at her, seeming almost worried and scared.

"Was it rough for you too? I wasn't here, but Rapunzel said he really snapped. He was so unhinged, he even turned you..." Catalina looked into his little black eyes and gave him a big, compassionate hug.

"I'm so sorry, buddy. I understand."

Why had she forgotten that fact until now? When Rapunzel had first mentioned that Ruddiger had been turned into a werewolf then, she thought it was the most bizzare thing- imagine, werewolves in Corona! And yet, now she could relate.

"I wonder," she asked Ruddiger, setting him in her lap and petting him again, "did you have the choice too? Could you have said 'No thank you, Varian, I do not want to be a werewolf today.' Did you want to be a werewolf?"

Catalina had always loved animals, and some of them seemed to love her in return. Ruddiger was no exception. He almost seemed to understand her, and take comfort in her gentle words.

"It feels powerful, doesn't it? There's something awful, especially in the transformation itself, but once you're in it, it almost feels right, doesn't it? Maybe it's different for you, because you don't get to choose when it happens, do you?"

His teeth flashed sharper than normal for just a moment, and he seemed a bit larger than normal in that same moment, and at the same time his claws sharpened, and there was something unnatural in his eyes, but it all flashed away almost before she noticed.

"Then again, maybe some of that syrum stuck with you."

She stroked him again, almost wanting to flash her pointy teeth and big grey ears too, but she held them back.

"That's power too, isn't it Ruddiger? To hold that much strength in your bones- to feel the power to tear, the strength to destroy, that hunger for something evil- and to be able to let it go. I think that's the strongest power we've got, Ruddy- to have the ability to say yes but the strength to say no."

She gave Ruddiger a little hug- somehow talking to her furry little friend had helped.

"Ruddiger!" A voice called out. "Ruddiger." The voice grew closer.

"Ruddiger, there you are buddy." Catalina turned around and saw Varian coming around the corner.

"Oh, hi, Varian." Catalina said. She started motioning to Ruddiger to get off her so that he and Varian could make a quick escape like everyone else did, but Ruddiger didn't budge.

"I see you've made a friend, Ruddy." He smiled at them both.

"It's hard not to be friends with the only other member of 'Werewolves Anonymous.'"

"Oh, yeah." Varian said, actually sitting next to her instead of leaving. "I heard about that. How are you handling it?"

"I was doing just fine." She said. "You should be asking how the rest of Old Corona's handling it."

Ruddiger jumped over to Varian's lap.

"I take it our friendly neighborhood citizens still don't take too kindly to you for terrorizing them?"

"They're treating me like I'm some kind of monster." She took deep breaths to calm herself.

"Close your eyes when you take a cleansing breath, and go to your happy place." Varian said.

"What?"

"Just something I picked up when I was running with the wrong crowd." He gently patted Ruddiger, and solemnly spoke, without even looking up at her. "But I guess we both know about being treated like the monster.

She remembered just a few days ago, sitting with her friends as they brought the girls up to speed on everything that had happened in the last year and a half. She thought of the way everyone had talked about Varian's "dark time" as they described it, the time when they didn't know who or what he was- when they described that kindhearted nerd sitting next to her like he was some kind of monster.

"I guess we've both made choices we regret, huh?"

"None I regret." He said. "Many I would never relive. Many I'd never chose again. But none I regret."

"Why not?"

"Because they've helped me grow, and helped me know what not to do in the future. And they've made me who I am now."

She glanced at the fountain, not very impressed by what she saw. "But what if you don't like who you are now?" She gently smacked her watery reflection.

"Embrace yourself, Catalina. Maybe the others will follow and love you as well, and maybe they'll run and hide when they see you- but what matters most is that you don't run from yourself."

She started to smile at her reflection, and even showed some pointy teeth just for fun.

"And I think others will come around soon enough." Varian remarked as he stood up.

"They will?" She looked up at him with suprise and hope.

He avoided eye contact and instead looked around at the shuttered up windows. He watched a mother peek out, then quickly close the shutter again when she saw him.

"I sure hope they will."