#my birthday is next week too so this is the worst kind of bday gift

[pastafossa]

Fuck.

[whatiwillsay]

off topic - let’s talk about gaylena 👀

selena gomez is one of taylor’s oldest and bestest friends and given that she is in the 22 liner notes, a huge part of taylor’s life, and maybe fruity herself it seems like possibly we don’t talk about her here at the blog enough!

i don’t want to do a timeline of selena and taylor’s friendship - you can read more about that here, but they met back in the day when they were both dating jonas brothers and to me this idea of finding a real friendship in the midst of these contrived promances is pretty adorable.

ofc most of y’all think taylor is a fruit basket but i think there’s a good chance that selena is too!  i’m not saying she is for sure but y’all know me.  i’’m here to make a compelling case that everyone and their dog is gay so let’s gooooo! 

Part I - At least one fake rs!  

Selena “dated” Taylor Lautner in 2009 and he’s definitely gay.  Of course, that doesn’t mean she is, it could just be PR, but y’all know I gotta note everything!  We stan our fruity bffs dating the same gays 😍

Part II - Selena x cara delevingne

i feel like there’s a chance they met through taylor but everyone in that squad adjacent circle knows one another.  cara dated michelle rodriguez for the first half of 2014 and then got with annie clark in March 2015 but it feels like it’s possible something has gone on between her and Selena from summer 2014 - early 2015? ...maybe something casual on and off a bit?

August 2014 - Steamy pics surface in Saint-Tropez, France

Selena and and a freshly single Cara vacation together in part to celebrate Selena’s 22nd birthday.

They party together and look cozy!

Pictures such as this surface and spark rumors around the two:

Selena apparently loves the rumors and gushes about being shipped with Cara.

Quote:

You say Selena drag queens were the true measure of success for you. But isn’t it true that you’re not truly famous until you’ve been the subject of a gay rumor? And last year, the tabloids had a field day with photos of you and Cara Delevingne. I’ve made it!

How did you react to those rumors? Honestly, I loved it. I didn’t mind it. Especially because they weren’t talking about other people in my life for once, which was wonderful. Honestly, though, she’s incredible and very open and she just makes me open. She’s so fun and she’s just extremely adventurous, and sometimes I just want that in my life, so I didn’t mind it. I loved it.

Notice she doesn’t deny them?  Now of course she could just be being cool, if she freaked out about it that might be even weirder but hey, it’s still kind of interesting.

Then she admits to questioning her sexuality???

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Oh, I think everybody does, no matter who they are. I do, yeah, of course. Absolutely. I think it’s healthy to gain a perspective on who you are deep down, question yourself and challenge yourself; it’s important to do that.

(Selena btw, this is cool and all, but not everybody questions their sexuality, maybe you’re just gay 👀)

November 1 - LACMA Art + Film Gala 

they even left the event together 👀

and they hung out earlier that day as well:

They were seen the next day partying for Kendall Jenner’s bday singing to her:

a few weeks later Cara tweets Selena’s lyrics!

In December 2014 they are travelling together in texas:

in january 2015 they get cozy at the golden globes together!

and they leave together again:

January 19th/20th a bunch of gay nonsense happens

They post this gay shit with matching shoes and linked fingers:

then they say this to one another:

Enty says they were hooking up!

then we don’t get any more content that i can find for about six months! perhaps they had a fling from summer 2014-jan 2015 and then it ends, Cara gets with Annie in March?  Then after half a year apart Selena and Cara resume a friendly relationship?  Perhaps!  Selena is seen with Justin a bit��off and on during this time but this was in their Style/Heat Death Era imo (tbh i probably shouldn’t give a hetty pairing including Justin that designation 🤢but y’all get what I’m saying - it’s fully possible Selena was hooking up with both of them!

Now I’m not super familiar with Selena’s discography so y’all lmk if I’m missing anything major - lyric wise that point to her not being straight.

Selena’s album Revival that comes out after this relationship has a few songs with some vibes, even though I get the feeling a lot of it is probably about Justin, allow me to reach.  The title track could be translated as someone coming to terms with their sexuality (among other things):

I feel like I've awakened lately The chains around me are finally breaking I've been under self-restoration I've become my own salvation Showing up, no more hiding, hiding The light inside me is bursting, shining It's my, my, my time to butterfly

Good for you, imo, is too sexy to be about a man even if it’s not super queer lyrically it’s a vibe ok?

Me & My Girls might be a bestie anthem a la 22 (oh wait, no 22 was gay too) but I mean...could be about a girl gang of lesbians too!

And if we want it, we take it If we need money, we make it Nobody knows if we fake it You like to watch while we shake it I know we're making you thirsty You want us all in the worst way But you don't understand I don't need a man 

Quinn Fabray indeed!

Nobody feels probably like a retrospective on Justin 🙄but...there is a hint of sapphic craving in there!  Saying this particular lover loves them differently than everyone is a bit 👀 plus this stanza:

No oxygen, can barely breathe My darkest sin, you've raised release And it's all because of you, all because of you And I don't know what it is, but you've pulled me in No one compares, could ever begin To love me like you do And I wouldn't want them to

Is Perfect about some bitch Justin started dating?  Probably but bear with me here this song is actually pretty fucking gay.  Gay enough that I’m gonna add it to one of my gay playlists.  Could this song actually be about Cara moving on to Annie?

Ooh, and I bet she has it all Bet she's beautiful like you, like you And I bet she's got that touch Makes you fall in love, like you, like you

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips Maybe I should be more like her Maybe I should be more like her I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too And she's perfect And she's perfect

Part III - Selena x Julia Michaels

Julia Michaels is a singer/songwriter known for her song Issues.  I don’t know her sexuality but she at the least has gay vibes!  It seems they met around this time perhaps because Julia wrote on Revival.

They have a friendly enough friendship for a few years, liking one another’s posts on IG from time to time, posing for a photo a time or two and then they seem to get swept up into this very intense friendship in 2019.  They write some music together and Julia goes whole hog in promoting the shoe brand Selena is hawking this time 😭

2019 - The Superior Sapphic Jelena Timeline:

It starts, for some reason with a lot of shoe promotion:

chill, chill

more shoes

but more gayness?

this homo shit

ok...

Then we go into the REALLY GAY NOVEMBER OF 2019:

Then they perform together:

And...actually kiss...on the mouth on stage???

Sure it’s just a peck but still...if that were a guy people would say they were dating.  

Somehow kissing on the mouth isn’t the gayest thing these girls do over this period because these fucking dykes got matching tattoos.  I’ve read enough Larry blogs to know this actually means they’re secretly married.  All jokes aside this is fruity behavior. 

From their IG stories:

Selena gets Julia a very nice christmas gift:

Covid sets in and content drops off but god damn!  It’s possible they just had an intense friendship but if a man and a woman collabed on music together, kissed in public, and got matching tattoos everyone would say they were dating!

Selena, as far as I can find, didn’t have any public boyfriends around this time so who are some of these love songs about?

Rare comes out in January 2020 and perhaps has some gayish songs?

Don’t tell me why but boyfriend lowkey, has a gay vibe.  Don’t ask me to explain it but it’s just the musicality of it.

Crowded Room could be a love song for Julia?  (or by Julia for Selena, since they’re collaborators?)

Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah

These are general gay vibes, our secret moments in a crowded room tease

It started polite, out on thin ice 'Til you came over to break it I threw you a line and you were mine

It would have started out polite between them, since they worked together for years before whatever 2019 was happened.  And throwing someone a line first of all makes Selena sound like the aggressor but also “throwing someone a line” could be a reference to writing songs together.

Yeah, I was afraid, but you made it safe I guess that is our combination Said you feel lost, well, so do I So won't you call me in the morning? I think that you should call me in the morning If you feel the same, 'cause

Lots of people are afraid at the beginning of a gay rs.  Treacherous tease 👀

In summation!

Selena does gay stuff like fantasizing ab kissing other women in her music, getting very touchy with famous dykes on vacay, hangs out with Taylor Swift, has chronic mental health issues, dated a jonas brother and a twilight gay, has admitted to questioning her sexuality, and loves being shipped with women.  Is she gay?  I don’t know!   But all she’s missing from her celesbian bingo card is a suspiciously intense friendship with a Glee Cast member! What do you guys think?  Selena fruity or just weird?

Edit to add: so apparently I missed an entire ship and Selena supposedly acted really gay all the time with her backup dancer Charity Baroni.  Exposing SMG has posted a lot about all that.

Also Selena has been cast in a gay role! edit to add: @bisluthq went and found this for me - julia is indeed a fruit queen

[paintmearainbow]

What Is Love ?

Love.

Love means different things to different people. Some people say love is making your partner happy and seeing them happy makes you happy . But love, is actually a figment of our imaginations. In a way, love is selfish and makes us lose our independence. You make the other person happy to keep yourself happy, and you become dependent and vulnerable. It's a somewhat like a shared dream. And until one person decides to wakeup, and that dream, albeit fun while it lasted, becomes a living nightmare

1 YEAR AGO

For Harry and y/n; sneaking out of premiers and award shows,buying tacos and eating them at 3 AM was love. For them, love was dancing in the kitchen to Elvis and baking with each other. Love was watching horror movies in makeshift tents, snacking on caramel popcorns and cans of soda; all while making fun of Harry's "those dumb bitches" in the movie. Love was falling asleep in each others arms and reading each other books. It was dressing up as Disney characters and acting out scenes from their favourite animations. It was etheral, perfect. Almost too perfect too be true

People always said "Love will fizzle out. One of you will get bored." Harry and y/n didn't listen. They burned so fast, so bright and didn't realise that their spark too, like all blazed and sparks from lighted matches, had extinguished. One second it was burning so brightly, and the next, it was gone

..............................................................................................

"When was the last time you spoke to him ?" asked y/n's sister.

" A week ago" a distraught y/n replied. "He barely has time to even talk to me on the phone, let alone show me the sights and explore the places with him via facetime"

For a brief moment, she allowed herself to close her eyes and all the memories flashed through her eyes, like a movie roll, playing over and over agai

FLASHBACK

"Y/N !" exclaimed Harry, the golden flecks in his eyes dancing with joy. Oh how she longed to see him, feel him and be with him in real life , rather than on a screen. Yet she was eternally grateful for Harry for never making her feel left out from the tour experience, he always made sure to show her around, even if it was only on a screen, while giving tour guide commentary in a horribly fake American accent.

"You're in for a treat ! We're going to see the Louvre today. Come on an enjoy the sited with Harry's Tour Experiences"

Y/n couldn't stop laughing.

Being an art fanatic, she giving Harry detailed descriptions of the art, while all he did was turn it inti a joke. His put on accent stood out when he kept saying " Oh shucks ! Here's another painting of a few women and men fighting and eating." He termed an entire style of art; renaissance art as "men and women barely dressed fighting and eating". He made a few sly comments on how y/n would look lovely in that dress. It was so wonderful and each of these virtual trips was marked with his signature end. Going to a park, and eating the same food.

His laughter was contagious and y/n loved it. She wondered how she got so lucky, so blessed to have hazza in her life.

She never thought that this love, would eventually fizzle.

end of flashback

Now she was lucky if he spoke to her for 5 minutes. Even those 5 minutes were filled with her talking and him showing least interest in what she had to say. She doubted whether he even listened.

Today, however was a low blow. It was y/n' bday. had it been any other year. Harry would've made this day perfect. They had been together since they were 18. The first year, he bought her 18 gifts on her birthday. The subsequent year, he got her 19 and so on. He would make her breakfast in bed and wake her up with showers of kisses and a "Good Morning, Happy Birthday Darling."

Today however, at 7 PM , she was yet to have him acknowledge that it was her birthday. She was yet to have any sign of news from him at all. She illusioned herself, thinking that maybe he had interviews to attend.

Her sister, however, tired with y/n's moping, said" You're coming over with your friends to Club 22 this night or else I wont speak to you. I don't want you to spend your birthday moping around"

With great difficulty, y/n was persuaded by her friends to go clubbing. The loud music, the drinks and the dim lights were never y/n's scene. Yet, for the sake of her friends, she fixed up a smile on her face and tried to enjoy, trying her best to forget than Harry's call still hadn't come.

.......

It was 10 PM and the party was in full swing. y/n's friends were drunk, so drunk. Everyone around her was laughing, drinking and joking. Meanwhile, a new disturbing thought had settled in y/n's head. What if he got into and accident ? What if he's really sick ? She was ridden with anxiety and couldn't get Harry off her mind, until that one fateful message from Nezza, her best friend, Harry's PA, through whom they had met, sent her that message. When y/n's phone lit up and she scarmbled to see the text, hoping it was Harry, she did not know it would change her life permanently.

The text was simple. "I'm so so sorry honey; you deserve to know" It was attached with a single file of pictures.

She subconciously knew what had happened. She had seen all the signs, yet chose to ignore them, not wanting to get up from her dream. The reduced duration of phone calls ultimately leading up to a call a month, the regular excuses, coming home late, half hearted kisses, they all added up. For a split second, y/n wanted to think that it was something else; maybe harry was too drunk or had passed out in a bar.

The message to forever to download. It was so slow and painfully excruciating. It was like the calm before the storm. The slow before the fast. The light drizzle before the thunderstorm. When the picture finally loaded; her heart shattered ever so fast. The pain she felt was numbing, yet somewhere in her mind, she was gald that Harry was safe.

There was Harry, his arm around the small waist of the redhead, his fingers entwined in hers. The same fingers which ran through y/n's hair multiple times, were now woven in another's hand. She thought her heart couldnt break more.

Fate was not kind to y/n.

She swiped to see the next picture, and she wasn't sure how, or whether it was even possible, but her heart further broke. Harry was kissing her in the booth, their booth, in Alessandro's the place he had her first date with y/n.

Fate had evil plans for y/n.

Tears streaming down her face, the makeup for the night ruined, y/n looked around for her sister and friends but they were nowhere to be seen. The only thing glowing right now was her glitzy dress, the one she had been forced into. Unable to take it anymore, she ordered an uber and left.

Fate wasn't kind to y/n at all

The minute she left the club, she was blinded with lights, the flashes from the camera, and the shouts from the reporters

" How do you feel about Harry cheating on you on tour ?"

"Did you expect this ? How do you react to Harry kissing a supermodel, younger than you!"

Y/n wanted to scream, but keeping her emotions in she pushed through the sea of people, got into her uber, gave her address and broke down.

She cried and cried. The uber driver tried to ask her what was wrong but she couldn't stop crying. she wanted the pain to go away. she wanted to cry. But most of all, she wanted Harry to tell her that it wasn't true and hold her in his arms and tell her it's alright.

But it wasn't. it wasn't alright. Far from it.

The next morning after an extremly broken sleep, y/n awoke. All the event's from last night wre remembered and her eyes started to water again. She switched on her phone to see the hashtag #y/ndeservesbetter and #harryandy/nareover trending. She also so 100 missed calls, voicemails and texts from Harry but chose to ignore them.

Y/n was raised to be strong. She spent most of childhood see her mom struggle to make meets end. She had seen the worst. She was strong. She went over to the mirror and saw her reflection and realised that she looked a mess. She took 3 deep breaths, washed her face, and masked her emotions, just as she did way back in high school, before she met Harry, before he changed her.

She went down and suddenly the apartment door opened. There stood the man who she loved, the man who had broken her heart, the one who still held her heart, no matter how broken it was.

He pleaded with her to forgive him. He begged, cried, said it was a one time mistake, and he regretted it, that he loved her; but y/n turned a deaf ear to his pleas. Their love had fizzled out, and she was blinded by affection not to realise it earlier. And as the saying goes " Once a cheater, always a cheater." Y/n wasn't taking any more risks. She put on a strong facade, made up her mind and left, leaving a crying Harry on the porch.

She wasn't over him, far from it. She was so broken, yet showed no signs. She had calm expresssion, yet her thoughts were chaotic. But she knew what was best and she knew this was the right thing to do. She had to take the lessons from this experience and move on, just like her mother had taught her. Dreams end, no matter how amazing it is, no matter how much you want to hold on and live it, and this, her perfect dream, had also come to an end.

So, what is love ?

A dream ? A nightmare ? Soemthing too good to be true?

Maybe all it is, is an illusion. A fairytale. Or maybe it is the truth, because truth teaches us lessons and so does love. i guess it's one of those things which just has no answers.

author's note

AND THATS A WRAP. I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING. it's something which definitely shouldnt be forgive . this the first ever imagine I've posted on my new tumblr. Please send feedback. Hope you enjoyed it. Reblog. What are your thoughts? i would love to hear them. Send requests for more imagines.

i should be studying but eh.

keep dreaming

ashu.

(here's a random B99 gif for no reason)

[kaikumin]

A Cake for a Cake [B.I/Hanbin]

[Requested]  Hello :) is it okay if I can request a Hanbin(iKON) scenario, where y/n is the nerdy girl at school who’s in love with the popular boy so y/n bothers him too much at times. The day of his birthday y/n bakes him a cake and when she takes to him she finds Hanbin with another girl, she leaves and leaves him alone for good. When Hanbin notice the attention that’s missing from her he tries to win her love back :). Thank you! I hope is not too much :( (angst and fluff)

a/n I’m sorry if this isn’t exactly what you wanted. I’m having a bit of bad day today, so my writing isn’t in it’s top shape and I feel like I didn’t do as well of a job portraying Hanbin as I would’ve liked, but I tried my best to incorporate what you wanted in it without making it too long. Sorry if that made it feel a little rushed. 

I also didn’t edit for typos, so excuse them if there are any. I hope you enjoy it! Feel free to request again if it’s not exactly what you wanted and I promise to work harder on it next time. Or even if you just want a new scenario, I’ll do my best.

enjoy

-Kai

word count: 1648 genre: kind of fluffy? pairings: Hanbin x Reader (B.I iKon)

You took a deep breath as you stared down at the cake in your hand. It was nothing special, really. A small one with a little bit of chocolate icing on the top and with sloppy letters spelling out “Happy Bday” in pink letters. A little heart decorated the last letter and despite what may seem like a shabby appearance to the outside world, you had truthfully spent hours working on it.

Your eyes moved up to the house across the street, a red door painted in the front a basket of flowers on the front porch, most likely from one of the many female students at school who also adored the boy you had so much affection for.

Hanbin had been your crush for as long as you could remember, neighbors since you were both five, and even having been friends at one point, before you entered Junior High and things dwindled downhill. You hadn’t realized how serious your crush for the boy had been until he matured faster than you did, becoming extremely popular amongst your fellow classmates, and leaving you behind. At age 12, it was heartbreaking, but you knew from then on that your crush not something that would go away.

Even when he ignored you or acted like you weren’t neighbors, you followed him around like a puppy. A ‘good morning’ and wave goodbye from school happened every day, and on each of his birthdays you would make sure to give him a gift of some sort, always handmade with care. This year you had decided a cake to be the best possible gift - he probably had enough of your friendship bracelets at that point to make a scarf out of them, and you wondered if maybe changing it up and giving him something a little more practical would gain some much wanted affection, or appreciation at the very least.

You made your way across the street to his front door, your hands shaking a tad bit at the thought of seeing him again. At the ripe age of 18, Hanbin had only grown to be even more handsome, and you were completely smitten.

So much so that it was rather heartbreaking for you, when the boy you had a crush wasn’t even the one to answer his front door, but a girl you had never even met before.

You didn’t fully remember what happened after that, your ears ringing and distracting you from whatever was actually going on. You saw as she muttered something, most likely a thank you, took the cake, stating she would hand it over to Hanbin before walking back inside and shutting the door in your face.

You felt almost numb as you walked back to your house, and as you spent the entire evening switching from glancing out the window cautiously to sitting on the couch lost in your thoughts. It was hours later than you saw his door open and the girl walk out, Hanbin stepping from behind her. Your heart broke when he pulled her into a warm hug, and it was in that moment you truly realized you had no chance with the boy.

--

A couple of weeks passed. Not once did you greet Hanbin like you normally would’ve had, your “good mornings” replaced with a simply bow of your head before you scurried off. You didn’t think he would care, or even notice the difference for that matter.

But you were wrong.

Hanbin noticed by the second day that you had begun to ignore him. He noticed how you avoided eye contact, didn’t smile, or even speak to him.

Truthfully, he cared more than he would have liked to admit. His friendship with you in your younger days had been his most cherished, even if he never stated as much. When Junior High came about and he suddenly gained popularity and new friends, he hadn’t meant for there to be such a distance created between the two of you, it just sort of happened naturally.

But, he relished in the moments you would still try your hardest to be around him. It gave him a tiny sliver of hope that you could return back into your old friendship one day.

And the worst part of it, he didn’t even know why you had suddenly given up on him.

It was after by the start of the third week that he had finally had enough, and he approached you after school, cornering you into one of the empty classrooms before you managed to run away.

“Y/N, what exactly did I do?”

You were confused when he spoke to you properly for the first time in years. The most you had gotten out of him was a brief sentence about his day. It was even more confusing considering he had never once paid you any attention before, and you were positive he had a girlfriend.

You said, not quite ready for whatever game was about to go on, your heart unable to take the pain. “Nothing. I have to get home.”

He brought his arm up to prevent you from walking away, shaking his head at you. “I’m serious.”

“I am too.” You huffed, pushing his arm away.

You were done with whatever heartache that boy managed to bring you. You promised yourself you wouldn’t put yourself through it any longer. You walked past him without looking back, ignoring him when he called out to you.

--

The next day, a little note appeared in your locker. The only thing scribbled on it was an “i’m sorry”.

The was the start of it all.

Every day after, a new note appeared, each one saying something new. After the fifth note, a little gift also showed up with it, one being a little chocolate kiss, to a small stuffed animal.

It was quite easy for you to figure out who everything came from, though it was near impossible to understand why.

On the seventh note Hanbin wrote “meet me at my house after school. please.”

You contemplated not going, but every gift made you weak, and horribly confused and you just wanted to know why he was doing all of this. He had acted like he didn’t care for years, and now he suddenly did and it left your head reeling.

You didn’t even second guess yourself when you showed up on his steps like he asked - even further surprised by the giant teddy bear that sat on the porch, staring at you with another one of his notes tucked into the bow wrapped around it’s neck.

“come inside.”

With a deep breath, you placed your hand on the doorknob, twisting it and pushing the door open. Hanbin stood on the other side of it, a tentative smile on his face as he held a chocolate cake in his hands.

You were quite shocked to see him there, but when you opened your mouth to ask what all of this was about, he shook his head, signalling for you to simply listen.

“Y/N, I know I never really said it, or acted like it, but I’ve missed you from the day we stopped hanging out. It became a guilty pleasure of mine to see you follow me around so keenly, and when you suddenly stopped, I grew anxious about it.”

He placed the cake on the counter and walked closer to you, running a hand through his dark hair.

“I thought repeatedly about what could’ve caused you to start ignoring me. At first I thought maybe you had just finally gotten fed up with how I was acting, and then I thought that maybe you found someone else that you liked so you didn’t care for me anymore. But, then I remembered the cake that was delivered to my door on my birthday.”

You blushed when he looked at his own cake with a warm smile.

“I was really happy when my cousin brought it in for me, telling me it was from you. I didn’t even think to realize that maybe you had gotten the wrong impression until I replayed the situation in my head.” Hanbin reached down and grabbed your hand in his. “I’m sorry if I made you think I had a girlfriend. That was just my cousin who came to see me for my birthday. I promise. I haven’t thought about about dating anyone since we stopped being friends, because I’ve honestly liked you this entire time, y/n.”

You frowned at him when the words left his mouth, each on settling in your head bit by bit. It didn’t fully hit you what he was saying until, he bit his lip in worry at your silence.

He had missed you, all this time.

“Why have you ignored me, then? If this was how you felt.” You questioned, shaking your head at him.

“Because I’m an idiot. You were the first girl I ever liked, and still like I didn’t know how to act around you. I’m sorry it took you ignoring me to figure out that I needed to stop acting so childish. I promise I won’t act like that any longer.”

It sunk in that Hanbin had just confessed to you, almost immediately after that. You were perhaps far too naive for your own good, but all of those hurt feelings of the years of being ignored and the jealousy of the girl, who actually turned out to be just a relative, vanished.

Hanbin liked you. He really liked you back and you couldn’t contain how happy and giddy that made you. He saw the smile creeping onto your face, the pink tint filling your cheeks and gave you a playful smirk, grabbing your other hand in his and pulling you closer.

“Y/N,” He started, the twinkle in his eye matching yours. “Will you please be my girlfriend?”

[steamishot]

Mid-November

Wow. It’s been an eventful past two weeks. I feel like I’m still on vacation mode because it’s almost Thanksgiving and then winter break a few weeks after that. Work has been at a steady pace – I have things to do so it’s not totally boring, but it’s not very busy to the point of being stressed out.

The day before Halloween, I came to work half day and then bounced. 10 hour red eye flight to London later, I arrived at noon. I waited for Matt who arrived an hour later from NY. He had just got a haircut, and they didn’t do him good ($5 NY Chinatown haircut), so he wasn’t as attractive when I first met him. He also gained weight from residency and the stress aged him. On my flight, I also got a swollen eyelid. I remember feeling pretty sad on the flight because I didn’t wanna look dumb with a swollen eyelid in my Europe photos lol. I felt it when I woke up from a nap, and immediately asked a flight attendant for some ice. The swelling did go down, but it lasted for another 2 days.

London was pretty fun. I had the impression that the UK has the worst food in the world (lol) but I was pleasantly surprised by the food we had! It could be that we just chose good restaurants (on the fancier/more expensive side). We reached a level of comfort where we farted a lot throughout the trip and pooped freely in front of each other. I was also surprised that our digestive systems were keeping up with all the eating we were doing. Not once did I feel constipated, as I felt in Asia after overeating. We were pooping like 3-4x a day I think lol. Because of the cold, my face started peeling after a few days too.

Before arriving to London, a small concern I had was being an “outsider” because of my American accent, but I think because London is a big multicultural city, I didn’t feel like I was different. I heard plenty of other people with American and non-British accents. I really liked their transportation system, the tube. It was smaller than any other subway I’ve been on. Instead of buying a pass, we were able to use our contactless credit cards as a substitute. It cost about $9.50 for unlimited tube usage per day, which is a bargain imo, given how efficient their system is. I also loved their style – dark and grungy, just like their weather. Their milk tea was surprisingly delicious too.

Amsterdam – our hotel was really nice. Architecture is beautiful. I can understand how my cousins who visited from France seemed unimpressed by LA – our city is not very aesthetically pleasing architecture wise. I ate a space cake and at first thought it was a tourist trap because I didn’t feel anything. But after an hour and a half, it finally hit me. I had a nice high and was giggly/happy.

Matt and I came back to LA, and it was his first time back in LA after 5 months. We spent 6 nights together in Europe, 2 nights in our respective homes, and then 3 nights at his place, 1 night in our respective homes, and the last night at his place. I joked to myself that LDR is like periods of neglect, then periods of smothering. I did feel annoyed with him during some points of our time together and I wasn’t used to the amount of time we had together – I craved for alone time after our trip. I learned that it’s best to just voice it instead of bottling it in, but it’s sometimes hard to when he’s a tired resident and you feel a little sorry for them. It took him like a week and half to return to his old, happy and relaxed self. Traveling isn’t quite relaxing because we’re always on the go. When he got back to LA, he was still extremely tired, and had feet pain from months of being on his feet for long hours without appropriate shoes.

I had 3 meals with his family (his dad is still in China) by his mom’s invitation – Saturday dimsum, Sunday Japanese lunch to celebrate cousin’s birthday, and Tuesday hot pot dinner. His mom also bought me a blouse. It was a coral color and too girly/not my style, and it looked a little cheap lol. It was a nice gesture, but I ended up giving it back to her because it didn’t fit. Matt will be coming back to LA for an interview in Palm Desert in a few weeks, and she was already planning what to cook. Tuesday was their family’s first time going to eat hot pot ever. Their dad is not a fan, and the two boys and mom never really cared for it either. Matt only started eating hot pot (my fav) after I introduced him to it. It made me happy when his 15 year old brother said- I always thought hot pot was not good until today. The whole family (and grandma) all enjoyed the dinner, and the mom said she’ll make hot pot at home (first time) the next time matt’s in town. She extended the invitation to me. By the third meal, I felt more comfortable being around them. Their family is much more academically inclined. His mom and cousin were talking to me about Chinese proverbs and history.

I also met all his close friends on Saturday night. I was intimidated at first, but once I was in the space I was pretty comfortable and was able to talk to them easily (alcohol helped). Another friend brought his white girlfriend out, and it was everyone’s first time meeting her too. I looked through his group chat the next day, because I was curious if they said anything about me lol, and one guy said “Just wanted to say, your gf is very kind. Considerate. Same thing” which got lost in the chat because they’re not very responsive to people’s texts. The next morning I got breakfast with another one of his friends and someone from the night before.

With my past partners (D & J) where I’ve met family/friends, I was never too crazy about the idea. It could be that I’m more social now, an age thing, or that Matt’s friends and family are the type that I mesh well with – but I had a great time with them. They’re lowkey, smart, into yoga, and clean eating (and they’re older, so they’re over the partying phase). Definitely nicer than David’s ratchet friends. I’m thinking about what to gift Matt’s mom for treating me well when I see her next. Feels like I have a mother in law lol.

Another cute thing we did was a “family day”. Months ago, Matt talked about wanting to do a family day like all go to Disneyland together. His mom brought up Venice canals and we ended up going there – mom, grandma, brother, and two cousins after the cousin’s bday lunch. His family’s not really the type to go out and do things together as everyone’s quite busy and they don’t value family time/just hanging out very much. We got a really cute group photo and the mom was in our faces one time taking a photo of us lol. Matt ended up sending the group photo to his dad in China. After all this time with family and friends, I felt integrated. I have a better idea of what my sister in law feels when she hangs out with us. The dynamics do change.

Eating with their family, I thought “man, big and tall boys must be expensive to raise because they just eat so much”.  It was nice to see him interact with his mom and being excited over food. At the restaurant he would ask her “mom can we order this?” like a little boy would, and the two boys (even though both are ~6 ft tall) seemed like little innocent boys to me. The mom also commented that the brother’s new haircut is nice because it makes him look like a teenager. Instead of his past haircut that made him look in his 20s. I always thought the whole looking older than you are was more of an issue with teenage girls, so it was interesting hearing that about a boy. They also walk around in their underwear at home. His mom commented that he needs to watch his weight LOL and told me to help him because he doesn’t listen to her.

On veterans day, we had a relaxing day – pho for breakfast, walk at a park, couples massage (amazing massage for cheap, but uncomfortable at times because I had just eaten), hot yoga at a bougie studio that his friend goes to. By Tuesday night, he returned back to happy and relaxed Matt. He looked younger, happier, his eye bags were gone, he was more attractive also bc he got his hair fixed, and he was more present.

Matt’s mom dropped him off at union station the day he flew out, and she gave him a full frontal hug for the first time. I asked, what’d you do? And he said he gave her a full hug too. In the past, it was like no hug, then side hug. First time full frontal hug.

Now I’m barely settling in and getting into the swing of things. Have to clean up my room/house. Things to look forward to:

Girls night – DIY pizza

Hiking

Simple Plan concert

Thanksgiving/ Friendsgiving potluck

Black Friday shopping - clothes/mattress

Matt coming back for a weekend

NY/Washington DC, Philly