#my birthday is in two days and i really want to hit that goal before then

[enwoso]

INVISIBLE STRINGS — alessia russo

*i started writing this and loved it then got bored by the end so sorry for the rushed ending:) but thank you for the love and support on my first post!!

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google would define invisible strings as a thread that connects two people who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or the circumstances. the thread may stretch or tangle but it never breaks.

you and alessia both truly believed you were a prime example of the invisible string theory.

the two of you always existing among each other but neither ever really acknowledged each other until later on when you were both older.

you lived on the same street as alessia growing up, only a few doors down, she was the blonde girl you would always see from afar playing in the park with her two older brothers as they blasted the ball at the young girl.

however she always gave back as good as she got.

you had even went to the same school, however she was in the year above you. there were plenty school photos with the two of you in only a few metres apart. walking past each other in the corridor every single day - not having an idea how important each other would become to be to the other in the future.

you had played football for the local team as did she. the blonde playing in offence taking any spot on the front line whereas you sat at the back and played in defence stopping the opposition from scoring.

that is how the two of you met, well kind of. you played for the same team but you two never really friends. it wasn’t that you didn’t like each other it’s just you never really spoke to one another bar the few words when necessary.

however you only played with each other for a few months before she moved onto a new local team. only seeing her now when your team would face her new team.

you both existed in the backgrounds of each others lives.

when you were sixteen, you were scouted by the arsenal's academy for the under seventeens teams, it took you a little time getting used to playing academy football and not the usual sunday league but after a few months you had found your feet and began to settle in.

you had one goal, the england youth squad. your family pushing you each day to try and help you achieve your goal however just a month before the squad announcement you tore your ACL at sixteen.

you were out of football for a year, endless days sat with a physio, in the gym just trying to get your knee to bend again like it once used to. watching from the sidelines as your friends in the academy got their calls up for the youth teams and how you wished it was you.

you felt as though you were fighting a battle you were never going to win, you were falling out of love with sport that you had played your entire life.

after three hundred and sixty two day you were finally allowed to play again, however your return it wasn't the fairy tale dream you had spent the past year dreamed about. you ended up spending a lot of time on the bench not playing as regular as you did before your injury and you spent many of those ninety minutes wondering why you were no longer good enough.

losing all your confidence in yourself and your ability to actually play football - you felt as though you had hit a brick wall. finding yourself some days where you didn't want to play football anymore.

but thankfully your family, mainly your dad, were not going to let you give up so easily on the talent that they had spent watching over the last ten years. your dad repeatedly telling you 'that you time would come'

and like the fairy tale you had dreamed about you slowly begun to get minutes again and fell back in love with sport all over again. forever thankful for your family for their support each day, for sometimes dragging you to training even when you had told them multiple of times that you were done and that you quit.

and you dad was right, your time did come. your hard work finally paid off and just after your nineteenth birthday you made your appearance for the arsenal first time - even bagging yourself an assist.

the next few season were spent learning and being loaned to another other club spending half a season at brighton when you were 20. but you saw it all as learning and a way of improving - you were getting minutes, plenty of clean sheets and you were working towards a new goal: the 2023 world cup.

you were back at arsenal and were a regular starter in the back line for arsenal and with that came your good from and finally your call up for england came as they were beginning their campaign to quality for the world cup in australia.

"are you excited?" leah asked swinging her arm around your shoulders as you walked towards the changing rooms, she had been a big mentor to you since you had came into the first team, along with helping you to improve your game. you could say you became her little prodigy.

the squad had just been announced on social media for the first time and hearing your name on the sheet of paper had you feeling something you could even begin to find the word to describe.

“yes.. but no, i’m a little nervous” you admitted with a small laugh as leah gave you a soft smile and a squeeze of the shoulders to reassure you.

“listen, you’ll be fine! just play with the passion you always have” she said as you nodded slowly, “plus you’ll have me, beth and jordan!” the blonde added as you playfully groaned, leah gasping and unthreading her arm from around your shoulders.

“i’m just kidding, you know i love you all” you smiled, as leah rolled her eyes as you reached the doors of the changing rooms, “i do kiddo! ..but i’m at the top of that list, right?”

“whatever helps you sleep at night, lee!”

leah was right - you were fine. while you didn’t get any starts in any of the games at your first camp, you did get some minutes as a sub which was more than you were expecting. but while sitting on the bench you did find yourself talking to a particular blonde.

“you said you were from kent, didn’t you?” alessia asked as you hummed, a puzzled look growing on your face as you waited for the blonde to carry on. your eyes were glued to the girls running around on the pitch as you sat on the bench with a bright orange bib over your jacket.

“me too! what part?” the blonde asked as you turned your head at the question being slightly caught off guard at the fact she was also from kent.

“um maidstone” you gave her a small smile, your attention turning back to the girls on the pitch as the ball was close to going into the back of the net. alessia gasping making you think she had seen something you had missed on the pitch as well as making you jump a little, “me too!”

you turned back to her, giving her a shocked look. confusion filling you as the two of you spent the rest of camp talking about each others childhood finding out your grew up on the same street as well as going to the same school.

when the next england camp rolled around, you and alessia had became even closer to the point you were counting down the days until you next saw each other.

short and sweet messages turned into hours and hours spent on facetime until the other fell asleep. friendly comments turned into subtle flirty ones and the touches turned to ones that lasted longer than friends and slowly you found yourself falling for the blonde.

the last england camp before the euros in the summer at home had finally arrived, you had arrived at st george’s park with beth and leah but before alessia.

you found yourself sitting patiently in the common room, like a lost puppy waiting for the blonde to walk through the door. the other girls chatting and playing cards in the background.

“kid, if you stare any longer at the doorframe your gonna burn a hole in it!” lucy teased as you glanced away from the doorway for the first time in a least thirty minutes, rolling your eyes at the teasing comment you moved your gaze to fix at watching leah try and beat beth’s high score on the basketball hoop game.

eventually after what felt at least a year to you and fifteen minutes to everyone else - the blonde walked through with ella, as she made a beeline for you as you wrapped her in a tight hug.

the two of you finding a rhythm and falling into a deep conversation about all the things you had forgotten to tell each other over the phone.

“so then me and ella had to stop, so i could get a coffee and she-“ alessia was in the middle of telling you a recount of her journey here before you interrupted her with a big gasp, jumping up out of your seat to find your phone quickly.

“what?” alessia asked as she watched you frantically search for your phone on the beanbag you were sitting on - finding it wedged under the beanbag.

“i have to show you this before i forget!” you said a grin on your face getting bigger with ever swipe your finger did on your phone screen. moving closer to the blonde, your shoulders touching as she peered over your own shoulder wondering what on earth you were about to show her and why was it such a big deal.

"look-" you moved your phone so that it was in her eye line and on your screen was a group school photo, "i don’t get it? what am i looking at?" the blonde asked her squinted her eyes trying to get a better look at the photo.

"there's me and.." you paused as she pointed to herself as a small gasp followed from her, "and there's me" alessia whispered, so quietly you also couldn't hear her. shock has consumed the blonde and you sat back with a smug smile as she examined the photo a little more.

"how’d you find this?" alessia asked as she turned her head back to you, handing you back your phone, "my mum sent me them,, there's more if you swipe across" you said beginning to swipe along your camera roll.

the two of you spent the next hour looking through the photos, some from school and others from your grassroots club, recounting each others side of the memories both of you in shock of how close you to were to each other growing but in reality how far you were to each other.

"we've literally been in the background of each other lives forever" alessia smiled as you nodded. "attached by an invisible string" you added.

the international camp came to an end and you both went back to your respective clubs, this time the two of you were making an effort to see each other without it being on a pitch or about football — so on your days off you went to see alessia and on her days off she came to see you.

your feelings for alessia were growing each time you saw her, her smile was infectious, her blue orbs were the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. but you didn't want to admit your feelings to her in case it ruined your friendship, plus why would she like you back, alessia sees you as a friend and a friend only.

or so you thought.

"less, why don't you just admit you have feelings for the girl!" ella said as she caught the blonde smiling at her phone knowing that she was messaging you.

"w-what" the blonde stuttered her phone dropping into her lap. "less, we can all see that you like her!" ella paused as alessia's cheeks tinted red, "except for y/n - but she definitely likes you too!"

"she does?"

"of course, everyone can see the way you both look at each other!" ella said bumping her shoulder with the older blonde as alessia gave her a small smile and nodded processing the information that had just been given to her.

before the euros came around in the summer alessia managed to make the first move taking you on the first date — a fancy dinner accompanied by going back to her apartment and spending the rest of the night cuddled into each other while watching a film.

the euros had come and you were back with alessia and the rest of the england girls. the tournament had been the best time of your life making unforgettable memories with the girls. slipping in a few dates with alessia when you two had some downtime.

you were just beginning to enter the second half of extra time the score being 1-1 in the final, yes the final at wembley. the little girl inside of you was buzzing with excitement, you couldn't believe you were going to get to play here. your whole family had made the trip to wembley, sitting proudly in the crowd.

it was england's chance to score, germany had conceded the corner. alex was hovering over it to take it as white shirts littered germanys penalty area.

the ball swing in as everyone jumped up, you watched alessia drop to the ground and then watched as chloe poked the ball into the back of the net. chloe running off to celebrate as the stadium erupted, as you all gathered around chloe celebrating.

all you had to do was hold on for the next ten minutes and the trophy was englands.

keeping the ball in the corner, desperately waiting for the final whistle to blow.

germany had one last chance but before it got into the final half the whistle blew, england where european champions.

running to the closest person near you which happened to be leah, engulfing her in a hug as the tears began to fall. "we did it!" you whispered as she hummed, the two of you sniffing and wiping your eyes and going off to celebrate with the others but your eye caught the sight of your favourite blonde moving toward her.

you don't know if it was the adrenaline of the win that was flowing or if you had finally just grew the confidence to say it but after months of dancing around your feelings for the blonde.

you ran up swinging your arm around her neck, as you both cheered before you faced her grabbing her hands, "less! will you be my girlfriend" you blurted out, clearly catching the blonde of guard as her head perked up, alessia thinking she had misheard you before nodding, "yes, a thousand time yes!" 

you smiled bringing the blonde in for a bear hug, not wanting to let go. enjoying her touch, it made you feel safe and loved. as she pulled away she wrapped an arm around your shoulders pulling you into her, kissing the top of your head lingering there for a few moments.

"all along there's been an invisible string tying me to you."

liked by lucybronze and 915,703 others

alessia day one or one day?

comments -

lucybronze well y/n looks thrilled on the first one

24m 140 likes     reply

-> yourusername she annoyed me that day.

-> alessia how on earth can you remember that?

-> yourusername i can’t? i’m just guessing that you did

yourusername i love you<3

24m 140 likes     reply

-> alessia love you more, my love<33

[kenslilove]

᯽៰ ͘ ࣭⸰ 𖥔 ͙ࣳ Happy Birthday, Ken

a.n: sorry this is late. Ken’s birthday is on the 10th of may but I wasn’t active then… but I’m active now! And I thought I’d share my first piece of writing with y’all 💖 it’s been a while, so my apologies if this is a little rusty. I hope you enjoy it all the same!

w. fem!reader x draken, mostly fluff, implied NSFW at the end, use of daddy, dom/sub dynamics.

Draken wasn’t one to make a big deal of his birthday. Growing up, he never really had someone to celebrate with, and even when he did, it took him years before he actually told Mikey when his birthday was. It came out randomly in conversation when Mitsuya noticed that Draken’s birthday was the only one they never celebrated altogether.

“It's May 10th”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Chifuyu asked, curious with a cocked brow.

Ken just shrugs. “It’s just a birthday.”

None of the boys seemed to push it. And when his birthday did come around, a few “happy birthdays” were spared, as well as a couple of small gifts that Ken would always say were not necessary, but say thank you anyway.

But, you were a little different. Ken was special. More special than anyone else. And you always made it your goal to make sure he knew just how special he was on his birthday.

—

Ken rolled out of bed at the same time he did every day. When the rising sun started to crack through the blinds and always managed to hit him square in the eye every time. Despite the scowl on his lips and the furrow in his brow, he pulls the covers from himself, leaning over to press a fond kiss to your forehead as he always does.

It makes you stir only the slightest bit, your body now turned and face snuggled into the side of his pillow as if you’re seeking him, even in your sleep.

It makes him smile to himself.

He’s out of bed before thoughts of staying cuddled in bed with you take over. He’s quick in the bathroom, doing his usual routine of using the toilet, slipping on new boxers and sweatpants, washing his face, using your moisturizer, brushing his teeth and finally braiding his hair. It’s something that has become a ritual to Ken, tying off the black braid effectively before heading to the kitchen.

But not before he leaves one more smooch against your cheek.

He opened up the fridge, where the first surprise of the day occurs.

There's a small cake in there, covered in a layer of white cream. With his typical furrowed brow, Ken pulls the platter from the fridge to read the pink icing on top.

Happy Birthday, Lovey!

Hearts, smiley faces, flowers and stars cover up the rest of the surface, and attached to the plate is a heart-shaped sticky note reading:

“Take a piece to work! It’s white chocolate– you’re favourite!! More to come later!”

And your name is signed off with a little heart, as it usually is.

“Goof,” Ken murmurs to himself, and yet, the smile on his face is wide, basically, a full-blown grin as he cuts a piece for himself to add to his usual lunch. He brings the note with him too, just so he can reread it during his break and hear your voice in his head.

Once at work, Ken got his usual birthday hug from Inui, along with a clap on the back that causes bickering between the two for a couple of minutes. The two get settled into their grove quickly, Inui behind the counter shuffling through paperwork while Draken squats before a bike, inspecting its engine now that he’s fixed what seemed to be the problem.

“So, are you going to have a party?”

“Nah,” Ken responds, and it makes Inui’s roll his eyes.

“Sorry, is your girl throwing you a party?”

Ken snorts, shaking his head a little as he tightens a loose bolt. “I dunno, but probably. I tell her every year to quit wasting her time.”

It takes everything in Inui not to smack Draken across the head. Instead, he settles on throwing his pencil at him, which Ken easily evades despite his focus on the bike. “Cut that shit out–”

“Be grateful you’ve got a pretty thing wanting to celebrate you.”

“She is pretty, isn’t she?”

“Ken,” Inui says through a small chuckle, which finally gets him to look up. Inui has a lazy smirk on his lips. “She’s not wasting her time. She’s celebrating you because she loves you.”

Ken looks away from Inui then and doesn’t say a word. He knows, he knows better than anyone just how much you love him. And that's because he loves you just as much, if not more. Ken can feel the tips of his ears heating up, just the slightest bit, and even though Inui drops the topic at that, he can’t help but smile to himself noticing Ken work a little harder, his face gets a little redder.

—-

It’s right after lunch when a delivery is made to the shop, one that has Inui confused momentarily before he realizes exactly what it is. “Ken.” He called out, to which Ken replies by poking his head out from the backroom.

“Got my hands full Sei, what's up?”

“Birthday treat from your girl arrived.” There are only a few seconds between Inui’s declaration before he starts to hear things getting shuffled around quicker in the back. It makes him laugh to himself as he places the brown paper bag down on the front desk.

“Ah? But she already made me a cake this morning, this girl–” He stepped out from the back, a bit of grease on his fingers that he quickly wipes away on his coverall. The brown bag is one he recognized, the label belongs to his and your’s favourite coffee shop. Inside the bag are two drinks. A large black coffee, and a medium caramel latte.

And of course, one of those adorable heart-shaped sticky notes. How you worked it into the delivery bag will forever remain a mystery to the boys.

“Although it isn’t Sei’s birthday, he deserves something sweet.” Ken reads the note out loud, which makes Inui hum in delight, scooping up the drink and sniffing in its sweet scent. It makes Ken scoff playfully, shaking his head as he continues reading. “Drink up, handsome birthday boy. See you when you get home.” The words left Ken’s heart fluttering behind his ribcage.

“You’re so down bad.”

“Shut the hell up,” Ken replied in a gruff tone, with his brows drawn and his lips frowned but he still took a hefty drink of his favourite coffee, still slipped the note into his pocket along with the other note.

He was incredibly down bad.

—

Home time couldn’t come soon enough, so Ken was more than grateful to open the door, being met with the sounds of one of your favourite playlists, and the savoury smell of something downright delicious. It made him sigh in contentment, work bag dropping from his shoulder right in the entrance way.

“Little love”

“Ken!” You appeared before him almost as quickly as the squeal had left your lips. He had braced himself, arms held open wide as you jumped him. Your legs latched around his hips tightly, arms locked around his neck. His large palms cupped your ass, kept you held close to his body as his nose nuzzled gently into the top of your head.

“Hey, babygirl.”

“Happy Birthday, Lovey.” You murmur back to him, the sweet sound only making his heart do flips within his chest. That, and the feeling of your fingertips leaving heart-shaped outlines along the back of his neck.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” He lifts his head and you follow suit. You’re both grinning at one another and Ken caves first, his lips slotting against yours. The kiss is sweet, and much needed on both of your ends. Your palms slowly smooth up the sides of his neck, while Ken’s pulls you in closer, unable to resist the urge to squeeze at the supple flesh of your rear–

“Okay okay birthday boy–” Your words are muffled against his lips, as well as the sweet sounds of your giggling. Ken pulled back, reluctantly, and couldn’t even help but pout as you wiggled your way out of his arms. “We gotta save that for later, okai? Your dinner is almost done!” And there you went scurrying off back into the kitchen.

“Oh is it? What did you make, sunshine? It smells fuckin awesome.” Draken kicks his boots off, following on your tail. It’s only now that he’s able to get a really good look at you, standing before the stove and multiple pans. You wear his apron, which is looped around your waist twice to keep it from falling. Underneath you wear that pretty pink dress he bought you for your last birthday.

Like you knew it was his favourite on you.

“Spicy curry of course, with a side of chicken wings!” You announce proudly, just as Ken loops his arms around you from behind, his chin coming to rest comfortably on the top of your head. “Chicken wings with spicy Thai sauce to be extact–”

“God, I love you.” It's spoken lowly, softly from Ken. He doesn’t let you respond, because he grabs your chin and turns your head, connecting his lips with yours once more. You giggle against his mouth, checks flushed as he pulls back just enough to playfully bump his nose against your own.

Something the two of you had done since you started dating. You can still remember the look of shock and distaste on Ken’s face the first time you did it, and now here he was doing it himself.

“I love you too, handsome.” Ken could have sworn there were little hearts in your eyes as you reply to him, and he wouldn’t want it any other way. “Now sit, sit!! I’m trying to spoil you on your special day.”

“Cookin dinner is enough baby–”

“No no no–” You interrupt him, taking his hand and dragging him to the table. He can’t help the chuckle that leaves him as you sit him down in his usual spot, pressing a kiss to his cheek and then scurrying off to the fridge to pull out his favourite beer. “We haven’t been able to spend the day together because we both worked, so let me spoil you, please Ken?”

“You know what would really spoil me?” He muses, using both palms to pull you into his lap before you have the chance to run off again. Your squeak only makes his grin grow in size, his lips leaving a little trail down the side of your neck, goosebumps forming in their wake. “Having my pretty baby in my lap. That would be a real treat.”

“In due time!” You whine back at him, and although it's so very tempting to just give into him and his sly touches, his wandering lips, you managed to break free, shooting a pout in his direction which makes his grin grow into that shit-eating one you’ve grown so fond of. “But first, want you to eat this dinner I worked so hard on.” The whine that stays in your tone as you start to pull everything from the stove leaves him laughing, cracking open his beer and taking a gulp as you plate the food for him.

Truly, you were too good to him.

“Oh, I’m gunna eat all of it, little love. Fuck I’m starving.”

“Good.” You replied, more than pleased as you set a steaming plate before him. “Eat up, birthday boy.”

You end up caving to half of his desires because rather than sitting in your chair, you sit right in his lap as the two of you have dinner. You chat like you always do, about work, about your days, slipping in laughter between bites and exchanging small kisses when you have the chance. You finish up long before Ken, who makes well on his promise and eats everything you made for him. His last bite of curry has his eyes closing in delight, humming around his fork as his free hand gently massages your thigh.

“That was the best fuckin curry I’ve ever had.”

“You said that on your last birthday!”

“Hmm, and I meant it then too.” He mutters, glancing at you to see a slight flush on your cheeks, a flush that he has grown incredibly fond of. “You know how to make a man happy, little love.”

“Don’t hold your breath.” You say playfully, which earns you an eye roll and a barrage of kisses that get sprinkled all over your face and neck. You start squealing, arching back in an attempt to escape only for one of Ken’s big hands to press up against your spine, pulling you in closer, making his kisses even more sloppy.

He only lets up when you suddenly nibble at his cheek, which would have caught him off guard had he not been very used to you and your affectionate biting by now. Instead, he just laughs, making a one-off joke about how the food must not have been enough if you were already munching on him.

“Alright, m’not done spoiling you lovey.” You announce, hopping from Ken’s lap as soon as his arms loosen up on you. He raises a brow at that, amusement still very much evident in his eyes as you take his hand again, leading him toward the bathroom.

“What’s next, beautiful?”

“You’re gunna take a long, relaxing shower with the new body scrub I bought you.” You announce proudly, pushing the room door open to reveal candles already lit, and fresh fluffy towels waiting to be used.

“Mmm, and you’re joinin me?” Ken questions, eyeing the setup. He notices the new products, and the love you’ve put behind every detail. It was one of the many things about you that made him putty in your hands.

That adorable flush was back on your face, and as a bonus, you even started nibbling on your bottom lip. “I wish lovey. But, I have to finish setting up your other surprises–”

“What could be better than a long, steamy shower with my girl?” Ken’s voice dropped an octave, to the one he knows sends shivers up your spine. He pulls you up against his chest, palm cupping your cheek and thumb rubbing fondly at your bottom lip. “Cause I don’t think nothin’s gunna top that”

The hesitation is evident in your gaze, that and the way Ken can tell just how tempted you are to take his thumb between your two plump lips. He loved that you were wrapped just as tightly around his finger as he was with yours.

But you fought off the temptations with a little pout, pulling from Ken reluctantly and pushing him closer to the shower. “You’re really tempting, you know that mister? But I simply cannot.” You start to tug at his shirt, revealing his abs and it makes him laugh with just how rushed you act suddenly. Probably an attempt at hiding how badly you wanted him. “Now get this butt into the shower, c'mon.”

“Alright alright, you don’t have to strip me.” And although he sighs, he pulls his shirt off the rest of the way. He leans down, lips puckered, and you happily give him a sweet smooch before taking a few steps back. You linger around enough to see him strip down to just his boxers, and he can feel you staring at him without even having to look at you.

You were so damn cute.

“Thought you had things to tend to, little love–”

“I do! I do! See you soon! Enjoy!” The way you babble out your reply and scamper so quickly from the bathroom just has Ken smiling to himself, chuckling lowly. Damn, was ever he lucky to have you.

He does as you tell him, and takes his time in the shower. The warm water feels so nice against his skin, and the new scrub you got him was just as good as you said it would be. It seemed to wash off all his stresses and anxieties from the day, leaving him feeling fresh and light as it washed off his toned body. He made a mental note to use the scrub on you, whenever you let him shower with you next (which in his brain, he wanted sooner rather than later).

He stepped from the shower, steam following suit as he rings the remaining water from his black hair. It's then that his eyes narrow in on another heart-shaped sticky note. Just the sight of it makes his heart beat faster, nibbling on the inside of his cheek as he reaches for it. “Little sneak… didn’t even hear her come back in here.”

He reads over the note, eyes widening a bit as curiosity starts to swarm his brain, clouding his thoughts.

Meet me in the garage, I’m looking for something to ride ♡

“Fuck.” Desire already laces his tone. He’s not one hundred percent sure what his sweet girl has planned for him, but her wording alone has him slipping on his sweats and a black t-shirt that you had so kindly left for him.

He slipped on his sandals to head to the garage, far too impatient to tug his boots on. And what was waiting for him was even better than he could have imagined. It had him stopping dead in his tracks, eyes a bit wide, cock visibly twitching underneath his grey sweats.

There you were, sitting pretty perched on his bike. You were wearing nothing, other than a pair of lacy pink panties, and a matching garter. And course held snug to your neck was your collar, the heart tag with his name dangling and reflecting the dim lights within the garage. You were nibbling on the tip of your finger, flush covering your cheeks and going all the way down to cover your neck and collar bones. Your feet shuffle a bit on the cold floor, legs spreading just a bit to show that the crotch of your panties was already wet, beckoning him forward.

“Hi, Daddy…~” You murmur shyly, and it makes Ken groan. In two strides he’s before you, palms swallowing your waist. He can feel how you shiver when his thumbs brush over your ribs, fingers already trembling slightly as they smooth up his biceps.

“Hello, Little love…” He speaks back, his lips already ghosting over yours, making our head tilt back slightly to meet his gaze as his hands start to smooth up the valley of your stomach, thumb nudging over your already perked and hard nipple. “Look at you…”

“Told you the last surpise would be worth it.” You say, your smile shy and a bit sheepish as your fingers smooth over Ken’s muscles, the little charm hanging from your collar dingling like a sweet bell to Draken’s ears.

“So worth it.” He agrees, keeping his hands on you even as you stand up. Your chest pushes up flush against him, making your breasts swell against him. That alone has Ken’s cock twitching in delight, licking at his bottom lip. His pupils were already starting to dilate as desire started to take over.

“M’gunna ride you… on your ride, Daddy.” Your voice is soft, still shy despite how filthy the context was. Ken made sure to make a mental note to praise you on that later, because he knew just how hard it was for you to put your dirty thoughts into words, and use your words. You were being such a good girl, just for him.

“Mmm, fuck yea you are.” His hands tighten on your hips once more, and to your surprise he hauls you back onto his bike. Your brows furrow in confusion when he kneels between your thighs, his name sitting in question on the tip of your tongue.

But that question quickly gets replaced with a soft gasp as Ken presses a firm, sweet kiss against the crotch of your panties. He even snags the fabric with his teeth, letting snap back against your pussy so he can see you jump a little, hear you squeal, just for him. “But first, Daddy wants his dessert.”

“B-But Daddy” You whine to him, but its a weak whine, your fingers tangling into his still damp hair to help ground yourself as he hooks one of your legs over his shoulder. His fingers tease at the pretty frills on the garter belt, while he leaves soft, open mouthed kisses along your inner thighs. “It’s your birthday… I wanna treat you.”

“And you will.” He reassures, finally pulling your panties to the side to get a look at his favourite gift. Your cute pussy lips are already slicked up, strings of your arousal webbing together even as you flutter and clench for him. “But I need a taste. Okay sweetheart?”

His nose nudges your clit, and you moan in contentment, nodding quickly as your legs lock together over his shoulders. “Okay Daddy…” Before you become too fucked out from his tongue alone, you make sure to murmur to him.

“Happy Birthday, Ken, Happy Brithday, Lovey.”

“Thank you, Little Love.”

PROPERTY OF @KENSLILOVE . DO NOT COPY, PASTE, OR POST ONTO ANY OTHER PLATFORM. REBLOGS, COMMENTS AND FEEDBACK ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED ‼️

[toomuchracket]

he would want to rent a cottage/cabin or something like that (cotswolds/Joshua tree/nice/Yosemite) and play house with you when you’re not already living together. just cooking, exploring, fucking, sleeping and talking alllll day

combining with I feel like the vibe would be to get out of the city and just have some decompression time in the countryside. Regardless of AU, girly is working in a major city, Matty is jet-setting and both are likely city fatigued and need to spend some alone time with a beautiful view and about that holiday thing… i’ve had a really fluffy & romantic brainrot about driving to the english countryside with matty :’) not thinking about that one video OR maybe ireland?? i think it would be the cutest either during summer of autumn. don’t really have anything too specific in mind. (except they’d obviously have a lot of sex lol and if they’re staying at a cute b&b place they’d have to try and be pretty quiet because the walls are sooooo thin) just super cute, domestic cottage core/english murder mystery vibes and That’s so funny you should say that abt going away bc i’m on my way home from a weekend up at my family’s cottage up north and i would have loved to bring him along like a little lapdog in a purse 😭 like lazing around riverbanks, cuddling up and sharing a joint by the bonfire, finding cute little trails and having impromptu picnics sksndkdnfb

this to me feels quite birthday party coded, quite early in the relationship before you move in together, and before both of you busy little bees have properly developed the rhythms of being together and working and whatnot! anyway, it comes about because both you and matty are finding london exhausting, and you have the same week in late june free, so matty's like "fuck it. let's just go away for a few days, just us and mayhem and nothing and nobody else. i'll drive, we'll get a cottage somewhere nice and we'll just... relax", and you're like "that sounds dreamy let's do it". and in my head you literally stay in kate winslet's house from The Holiday (despite the fact it is not real), that cosy little cottage in the middle of a literal field - as soon as the door is opened, mayhem bolts in and settles himself somewhere unknown, which makes you both laugh (you find him later on a chaise longue in a spare bedroom snoring his sweet head off), and matty takes the opportunity to be like "i'm being so gratuitous here but just let me have a moment" before he scoops you up bridal style and carries you in, kissing you as he sets you down on the kitchen counter. you're like "we've been here five seconds and you're already acting like some austenian romantic hero. this is amazing. hitting several of my fantasies if i'm honest", and matty giggles like "give me five minutes to bring the bags in and then i'll carry you to bed and hit some more of them, if you want" - you're like "ok but if you take your shirt off while you bring in the bags you'll have hit another one already", and matty rolls his eyes but does it anyway because tbh his one goal in life is to turn you on (and oh, watching his biceps flex and back muscles ripple does it to an insane degree). so yeah, that's the first of many sex sessions in the cottage, after which you get cleaned up and redressed and walk hand-in-hand into the little village nearby to get some shopping; fancy wine, cheese, bread, fruit, all that good stuff, and ingredients for a proper cooked breakfast for the next morning, before heading back to just sit in the garden and watch the sunset together with your little cheeseboard dinner and a bottle of wine and honestly a joint too. matty abandons his "i am not letting you fuck up your lungs" bit so you can get high with him, and you sit giggling and kissing until you're sleepy and the two of you decide to go to bed - you fall asleep almost instantly, because of the wine and the weed and the fresh air.

the next morning, a lie-in after a great long sleep - more sex, then a shower, then matty cooking breakfast while you sit on the sofa with mayhem and coo at him (which makes matty go all gooey lol). it's not too hot or sunny, so you decide to spend the day taking mayhem for a loooooooooong walk along the river; he goes in for a swim and its the happiest you've ever seen him. naturally, matty considers moving out of the city then and there lmao. the three of you end up in a pub beer garden for dinner, you and matty chatting nonsense over your pints, before heading back "home" and having a bubble bath together with some wine, which inevitably leads to yet more sex. it's a perfect few days, which is something matty addresses when you're cuddled into his chest, listening to the birds and watching the sunlight stream through the curtains, on your final morning in the cottage - he's like "this has been perfect, waking up and spending my days with you. don't wanna go home", and you're like "neither do i. want to just be with you all the time". and then matty has an absolute eureka moment and says quietly "will you move in with me, please? really don't think i can go back to living alone and making breakfast by myself. s'a lot better when you've got your arms wrapped around me lol", and you kiss him softly and say "yes, i will", and you do!! i also think you write a little free-form essay about the trip when you get back to london, with an epigraph from another of your fav classic romantic female authors that perfectly describes how you feel about your own love interest: "whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same" <3

[pbandjesse]

I'm sitting at a wedding and I am having a really nice time. I really do hope that this can be more regular in the fall. Because I do really love doing the events and I want to do it more. It makes me happy.

Today was a pretty good day overall. Not as successful a market day as far as sales go. But I had fun. It was a good day.

I slept better. Had an easier time falling asleep. The air conditioner noise helps. And I wore a hoodie which seems to trick my brain into sleeping more securely.

When I woke up at 7 I was tired but it was fine. I got washed and dressed and when I got out of the bathroom James was there and they said that when they come upstairs to make the bed and I'm not out yet they get all excited to get to see me and I thought that was so cute.

James had already loaded up the car and they even remembered my tablet. I would still forget my knitting in the end but it was okay. I would draw on my tablet for a lot of the day. It all worked out.

We stopped for breakfast and then over to the market. We were pretty early so James was able tos gay outside and help me set up before they went inside to do their job.

They would continue to help me though. Making a little flyer for my workshop. And they would come out to get baked goods with me later on. I would spend the first part of the morning helping with new vendors and just talking to Ann and Stanley about the drama around the events department and how I got my feelings hurt. They had their own thoughts and issues but it was nice to get another opinion on the whole thing.

I would make some sales. But I wouldnt get my sales goal for the day. I had gotten so many sales last week that it still evens out in the end but it can be discouraging. Especially when it was still a particularly busy day. Lots of people.

I was very focused on my drawing. I haven't made new bear designs in forever and people keep suggesting sports bears. So that is what I did. A baseball. Two football. A Michael Phelps. And then I would make Edwin my best I sleep with but that's mostly for me.

I would also have some nice conversations. The child who I promised the squishmallows to came and got so super nervous but her mom came up to double check with me that I was giving them to her. And I was like yes please take them happy birthday I'm just so glad that a child is actively getting them.

I would spend time talking to Stanley. And just enjoying a beautiful day.

At noon two guys walked up to me and were like "hey Jesse!" And it didn't hit me at first but it was James's friends Meir and Brooks! They were in town for a baseball game and it was so nice to see them. We would talk for most of a half hour. Eventually they would go inside to say hi to James.

I told them I would be able to pack up in 2 minutes and when the market was done I did just that. I packed up. I got eveything in the car. And I went to say goodbye to my husband

Meir and Brooks were leaving as I was coming in and they were surprised I actually was done packing up so fast. (They would come to our house after the game to see it and I was happy to hear about that from James. I hope they thought it was cute.)

I would go right home after hugging James goodbye. We weren't sure we would cross paths when I came back to the musuem later. So we said goodbye and I went home to rest.

When I got home I brought in my one basket because it has baked goods in it. I would hug in Sweetp for a little. And went to put a little frozen pizza in the microwave.

While that cooked and also cooled down I went and changed into comfy clothes. I put my hair in a bun and ate my little lunch. I was in bed by 2.

I struggled to stay asleep. I kept waking up panicked that I had missed my alarm. But even with the waking up I got a good amount of rest.

When I woke up I was pretty dehydrated and a little confused. But I got cleaned up and redressed and felt real nice and very pretty. Everyone loves this dress and I always get lots of compliments. It felt like the right day for that for me.

I would makes a stop at the dollar store before I went to the wedding. I grabbed a small frame and a snack. Paid was $4 and went over to the museum where I was able to briefly see my husband and get a hug. I love them so much.

I'm just getting to my car now after the wedding. And man was tonight busy. It was very exciting in many different ways. But honestly I had a great time. For being probably one of the last events were all three of us will be there I had a really wonderful time and I really hope that we can have more shifts just in general because I really love doing the weddings and I want to continue to do events. Maybe I'll even look into doing events at other locations. We'll see.

After James left I really jumped into my conversation with Merrill about what was up and what I needed to know and all that kind of stuff. And I had been there for the rehearsal yesterday so I kind of had a brief and fleeting idea of what was going to happen at this wedding. And we would pretty much kill it. There was definitely some problems. specifically two medical emergencies. Someone passed out hit their head on the ground and we thought they had a seizure. And then someone else threw their back out so hard they were in tears. So I was getting people ice packs and wheelchairs. My first day training really kicked in in those moments. I was very calm and I was able to help as much as possible but there was also a few people who were there that were nurses so I was also deferring to them and I felt very helpful and that was nice.

The wedding though was beautiful just it was very quick. I feel like some people's ceremonies are 45 minutes and others are 10. This was more like a 15 minute but it was really nice and the dog was involved which is always fun. And people were cheering and just really happy. We were sitting at the front desk after ushering people in and making sure that there was no one getting in pictures that weren't supposed to be there. And it was just really nice.

me and maril would act as educators for the evening. I was doing the first half and she did the second half and honestly I could have done the entire thing and had a blast. Because once I got people to come back and listen to me I was working the crowd and telling my stories and jokes and just really loving it. And just having so much fun just talking about history. And I think that's something that I miss sometimes because I just know those stories so well that it's just nice to fall back into. And I think that I really did a great job tonight and made the guests learn something but also just have a lot of fun.

There was also kids at this wedding and they were really cool and were dressed really awesome and I just thought that was really nice that I was able to connect with them as well. Once Merrill took over I had to like completely disengage and walk away because I want to share more stuff but I don't want to walk on her toes. So I went to go find Jesse and I ate a bunch of deviled eggs which were very good. And that's when the medical emergencies all happened. So I was busy busy busy for a little bit there. And just periodically checking on them throughout the night. Making sure that they were okay and feeling better. We did not call an ambulance for our friend who passed out per request. But honestly I feel like we might have benefited from that. I just thought it was funny that it was the guest that yesterday at the rehearsal told me he was going to cause the most problems at the wedding. So it was something I could bring up later on to him and made him laugh so I hope that he's feeling okay.

The rest of the evening was great. A lot of just talking to people wandering around checking on stuff. There wasn't much I could eat at dinner so I was glad that I had multiple deviled eggs. And much later than we expected we were able to have cake. And it was pretty good. The raspberry one was better than the chocolate. The chocolate's one's icing was not great. It was a little too sweet and gritty in texture. But I was just having a great time talking to Meryl and Jesse and joking and being silly. It was a really really nice event and the couple was awesome. I had come in with my frame ready to print and I made three copies of the print for them. And framed it up all nice. And was able to put it on their card table and I even saw the photographers taking pictures of it and that made me feel very good. I am very glad that I was able to make that for them and I hope that I can keep doing that in the future.

After cake Merrill went home. And me and Jesse would hang out for a while. I talked to Mark our security guard for a bit. He told me some of his backstory and lower. Turns out he was paralyzed for 2 years and in a wheelchair. This came up because after our medical emergencies gave the wheelchairs back I was sitting at one at the front desk. And just kind of rolling myself in a circle for a bit. Which led to me telling him about my dad and I really feel like the imputation, while was very hard on him emotionally, is really for the best in the long run and I think that he will be able to heal and get some of his life back. Even though he is going to be 70 years old he still has multiple decades left that I require him to be alive. And I want him to be having the best life possible so I'm really glad that that talking about that with other people that have family members ( Mark told me that his sister and his niece are both amputees ) are thriving and living with a similar injury is something that I am glad that I can hear from other people.

The last 2 hours of my night was organizing with the caters and making sure that things were getting cleaned the way they were supposed to be. And making sure that I knew where things were supposed to go. Thankfully I already know where a lot of it goes so it really is just me get it gusty to say things out loud so that I am positive that I understand. I am still very uncomfortable with some of the light switches for some reason but I am doing my best to not let them flex me. It is difficult at times.

So I was turning on and off the same lights because I was a little confused about a few of them. And then I ended up missing that there was a puddle on the ground and we had to send the caterers back to finish cleaning. But it was like not a huge deal and it was good for me to practice. I kept saying that I had failed us as a team as a pair of Jesse's.

Caterers were great though. There was some communication stuff that was a little wonky but they were totally down to do their job and we were all just ready to get out of there but we wanted to leave the space nice.

While we were going through checking the lights Jesse gets a phone call from the event planner. The groom had lost his suit jacket somewhere at the wedding and he apparently remembered that they had gone on the roof! No one supposed to go up there! So Jesse went up to explore to see if we could find the suit jacket but I felt like he was up there for a long time. So for the first time I went up on the roof. And I found he was talking to someone who was sitting up in our lights. And apparently this is that person's special spot and I thought that was so funny and so cute. I am glad that they were super chill and they're like we just want to have a nice time and we don't want to ruin anything and we were like cool. We won't lock you in. So we did see them off at the very end of the night but it was pretty funny.

After we finished turning all the lights off Jesse told me that we needed to deal with the gates and I was like cool can do. But then the gate was stuck and then I noticed that the farmer's market sign was still out there and that was a little confusing. So I carried that back to France so that it can get put away in the morning. And then it was time for me to go home. I said goodbye to Mark. That's a good night to Jesse. And then I headed home.

And that's where I am now. I am going to go inside and I'm going to get ready for bed and then go to sleep. James went to bed like an hour ago. And tomorrow I'm going to drive up to meet with Jess and we're going to go to antique stores and I'm really looking forward to spending time with her. I just hope that it is a beautiful day. I hope that you all have a great time and hope the weather is nice. Sleep well everyone. Until next time.

[julietashton]

it’s hard to be anywhere these days (when all i want is you) - two

part one.

two.

Five months went by monotonously. He attended classes, he studied and wrote essays. He patrolled and put criminals in jail. He went to see May without ever entering her room. He ignored Tony’s messages. He ghosted Ned. He received Sophia’s wedding invitation and, later that same day, beat a bad guy that didn’t really deserve it into a pulp.

There was a girl in one of his classes that made eyes at him. He wasn’t one to notice those things, but she wasn’t being very subtle and, in a moment of desperation for human interaction, he asked her out. Carlie, as her name turned out to be, took him home after a pleasant dinner and kicked him out the very next morning saying she’d had a nice time but wasn’t looking for anything serious. Peter felt both empty and relieved.

It bothered him, that emptiness; after all, that had been his goal all along, to be on his own, and his efforts were working. May hadn’t still remembered him. Ned had gone radio silent for weeks. Tony kept calling but it would only be a matter of time until he got the message. And Sophia—

I gave up on you a long time ago.

Good. Good for her.

And yet, the words haunted him. They kept him up at night. They carved a crater inside his chest every time he remembered them.

I can’t help you if you won’t help yourself.

He didn’t need help. He was fine. It was all working out exactly the way he had planned it.

***

The fragile tranquillity and isolation he’d found ended when Mysterio came into the scene.

At first, he’d been the support he’d needed, the friend he’d been desperately craving. The Europe trip had been a distraction from the loneliness he was experiencing at home.

He shouldn’t have been surprised when everything turned to shit and his psyche ended up even more fucked up that it already had been.

It said a lot about his mental and emotional state that he’d felt safe in the Dutch prison. At least, no one there knew who he was, and being dead to the rest of the world was a strangely nice notion he could get on board with.

And then, Sophia showed up.

The look on her face gave away how unimpressed she was by the whole thing, especially when Peter was brought to her in that dirty orange soccer shirt, smelling like cow’s shit.

“Can you walk?” was all she said.

Barely, he thought, but nodded instead.

Without saying anything else, Sophia turned and walked out of the forsaken place, clearly expecting him to follow. He knew better than to argue or protest; besides, the shock at the sight of her was so great he couldn’t have said anything.

The Quinjet was parked in the outskirts of the village, in a colourful field of tulips. Peter had never seen anything so beautiful except for the woman walking ahead of him with an unreadable expression on her face.

“Is it really you?” he dared to ask in a whisper, before getting inside the jet.

Sophia stopped and turned to stare at him. “It’s been five months since my father’s birthday. Have I really changed that much since then?”

His heart raced but he still asked, “What did you say to me then?”

“I said many things.”

“Tell me one of them.”

She tilted her head, narrowing her eyes slightly. “I called you stupid for thinking pushing people away would keep them safe.”

Peter drew in a sharp breath, and he almost collapsed from the relief. Without even thinking, and ignoring all the complaints he got from his wounds, he closed the distance between them and threw his arms around her.

It hit him then that this couldn’t have been Mysterio. Not even his fancy illusion could have faked her scent, or her warmth, or the intensity of her eyes.

“It’s really you,” he sobbed like a little kid, hiding his face in her shoulder as he cried. “Thank God, thank God it’s really you. Thank God you’re safe.”

Sophia froze, evidently not having expected his reaction—or his breakdown. It took her a few moments to get out of her shock and hesitatingly return the embrace. Peter shivered when he felt her hands rubbing his back softly.

“It’s going to be okay,” she whispered. “We’re both safe.”

***

The Quinjet had a small shower because, well, it belonged to Tony Stark after all.

Sophia helped him take off the orange shirt and get out of the suit he was still wearing underneath, leaving him only in his boxers. Then, she cleaned him up with the shower headset; her fingers massaged his scalp while she washed the dirt and blood away, the hot water on his skin helping him to ease the pain in his bones and muscles.

They didn’t exchange any words during all of that; Sophia looked very busy on her task, and Peter was simply too tired to speak. He was also enjoying her touch and presence way too much, and he didn’t want to say anything to make her mad and drive her away.

Once he was decent, she left for a moment to find clothes for him. She came back with a pair of sweatpants and a band t-shirt that clearly had belonged to Tony. She didn’t let him put on the t-shirt though, and proceeded to stitch him up, also in silence.

The pain was rather unbearable, but there was a small mirror in front of him, and he distracted himself from the stitches by observing her as she worked diligently on his wound.

Sophia was in washed-out jeans, white sneakers and a band t-shirt of her own. Her hair was down, with only a clip on one side to keep her long fringe away from her face. He couldn’t imagine what she’d been doing before she had to fly all the way to a godforsaken Dutch village in search of him.

“How did you know where I was?” Peter asked, his voice coming out hoarse.

“I was visiting Dad when your protocols went off,” she told him without looking up from her task.

“I thought I had disabled those,” he frowned before hissing in pain and throwing Sophia a resentful look.

She didn’t even apologise. “You should know better than to think you can trick him with that shit.”

Peter winced. “So he is aware of—”

“Of course not,” she huffed. “I asked FRIDAY not to tell him. He would have wanted to suit up and come for you… so I took the Quinjet and came myself.”

He didn’t say anything for a while, her words making him incredibly emotional and guilty. Even after everything he’d done, Tony still had protocols for him, he was still willing to come for him if he was in trouble.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, quickly rubbing his eyes to dry the tears that wanted to come out. “I didn’t mean to cause any trouble.”

Sophia didn’t reply, but he saw the scowl on her face through the mirror.

She worked in silence for another while until she announced she was done and carefully put on a bandage, to cover the stitches. He observed her with a lump in his throat.

“Soph…”

She flinched at the nickname and gritted her teeth before throwing Tony’s t-shirt at him so he could get dressed.

“I’ll make you something to eat,” she ground out before leaving the small bathroom.

Peter took a few moments to himself before he followed her, looking at his face in the mirror. Even if some of his wounds were already healing, he still looked like absolute shit, because there was more there than evident physical exhaustion. The expression in his eyes was dead, and he could barely recognise himself.

Sophia was waiting for him in one of the seats, a plate of food sitting at the table in front of her. Peter sat in the opposite seat and began eating in silence under her watchful eyes. He didn’t realise how hungry he’d been until the first bite of food touched his mouth.

She waited until he’d finished to begin the interrogation.

“What the fuck is going on?” she asked without beating around the bush.

And Peter started spilling out everything, from the reason he’d accepted to study abroad for a semester—to escape his loneliness, basically—to meeting Mysterio, to being tricked and betrayed by him, to every single one of the illusions Mysterio had fabricated for him, including the ones about her.

Sophia kept quiet through all of it, keeping her expression carefully guarded, until he got to the part where he’d been defeated in Berlin.

“You’re telling me you’ve been hit by a train?” she gasped, palling in a way he hadn’t seen in a long time. “That wound in your back is from a bloody train?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, I managed to climb it up. I must have passed out in one of the cars, which is probably how I ended up in that prison.”

She gaped at him. “Peter, you could have died.”

“I’ve been dead before. It wasn’t that bad,” he joked weakly, which was clearly the wrong thing to say, because her face turned even whiter. “Sorry.”

Sophia stood up from her seat and gave her back to him. Her shoulders screamed tension, and Peter could hear the rapid beating of her anxious heart.

“Do you realise—” she began in a shaky voice, “that even if you push people away, that doesn’t guarantee they will stop caring about you?”

He gulped down. “Tony doesn’t need to find out—”

“I’m not talking about my father,” she snapped, turning to look at him brusquely. There were tears in her eyes, even if her cheeks were red in evident frustration. “I’m talking about me. How can you speak about dying so lightly when I have flown across the world to make sure you were still alive?”

Peter felt sick, knowing that he would have lost it if it had been the other way around. When he thought about the Blip, he was so glad it hadn’t been him in Sophia’s position that it was easy to forget she actually knew what it was like to experience his death, even if he’d been gone for only six months before the Avengers brought everybody back. Sophia was so strong all the time, so confident, that her trauma was sometimes overlooked.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, taking a hesitant step towards her. “I didn’t think about it.”

“But that’s the thing, isn’t it?” Sophia laughed dryly. “You don’t think about the people that care about you at all.”

“That’s not true and you know it,” Peter said with a frown. “Everything I do is to keep you safe. You may not agree with my methods, but all I think about is your well-being.”

“And do you think we are all well and happy without you in our lives?” she shook her head. “You always think about your losses, Peter. What about ours? Because, in a way, we have lost you.”

His eyes burnt, and his hands started shaking. She was right, he couldn’t deny she was right, but he was too scared.

“You’re better off without me, Soph,” Peter said quietly. “You may not see it now, but you will eventually. Tony will have one less thing to worry about, May will not even remember all the trouble I’ve caused her, and you—” he looked away, his throat closing. “You’ve already given up on me, you’ve said it yourself. Aren’t you happier?”

Sophia smiled bitterly. “Do I look happier?”

Peter stared at her properly and without restraint for the first time in what felt like forever. She was paler and thinner, her eyes duller and no longer sparkling mischievously—but then again, she wasn’t in the best situation right now.

“You’re getting married,” he said weakly. “That’s a good thing.”

She crossed her arms, her eyes pointedly on his. “Is it?”

He couldn’t hold her gaze. “Aren’t you happy about that?”

“One thing doesn’t cancel the other out, Peter,” she replied sharply. “You were one of the most important people in my life. I thought you were dead for six months and I mourned you…” She drew in a sharp breath, her bottom lip trembling. “And then you came back, and you pushed me away. I was the first person you pushed away—was that because I was the easiest to dispose of?”

His brain broke down, and he was left speechless, unable to believe her train of thought. It felt like a dagger through the heart to imagine she could believe that. 

“What?” he let out brokenly. He couldn’t even recognise his voice. “Is that—Is that what you think?”

Sophia didn’t bother to reply, which was answer enough. He would have laughed at the horror if he could even remember how to do that. He’d been drained out of everything, and all he could feel was a deep-rooted exhaustion and sadness.

“You couldn’t be more wrong,” Peter stated, making her look up. “I pushed you away first because I knew that if I could do it with you, then I could do it with the rest.”

She frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I had to break my heart beyond repair first in order to do what I had to do, Sophia,” he explained, the sorrow and frustration entwined in his tone. “If I had saved you for last, then I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. I would have found an excuse along the way—I would have convinced myself that I didn’t have to do it. The longer I waited with you, the harder it would be.”

Her tears were falling freely down her cheeks by the time he finished. He probably was crying too, if the blurriness in his eyes was any indication of it, but he couldn’t focus on anything that wasn’t her.

“So, no,” Peter went on with a sad smile. “You weren’t the easiest to dispose of; on the contrary, pushing you away was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I can’t—I can’t even put into words how much I miss you… every day, all the time.” He inhaled some air and even that hurt. “And I know you won’t like this, but I would throw myself under that train again if that meant you would be here with—”

“No,” she cut him off, angrily wiping her tears away and glaring at him. “Shut up. Shut up. You never told me that—what are you even saying? You—”

“I love you,” he whispered but it was loud and clear enough. “I have been in love with you since the moment I met you, and I don’t think that’s ever going to change. I’m sorry.”

She was absolutely astonished by his confession, as if his feelings for her weren’t the most obvious thing in the world. He’d always been bad at hiding his emotions, and the way he felt for her had always been at another level entirely.

“You are—You are apologising?” Sophia cried out after a few moments of shocked silence, stomping his way and getting on his face. “After telling me you love me and all that—all that bullshit?”

Peter simply stared at her, taking in the fire in her wet eyes, the red of her cheeks, the trembling of her body. Her sweet perfume enveloped him and his head spun.

Yes. I love you. I love you. I love you.

“How dare you, Peter Parker?” she snarled, stabbing him with her finger accusatively. “How dare you tell me this after all these years? After you almost died again?”

“Soph…” he tried to speak; to say what, he didn’t know, but it didn’t matter in the end.

Because Sophia slanted her mouth over his and kissed him.

Peter hadn’t been expecting that in a million years, and the shock left him incapacitated to react for a few seconds—until her fingers curled around the hairs on his nape and pulled him closer to her.

And Peter utterly and completely lost it.

It was a burst of light, blinding the darkness that had been hanging over him; something akin to the way he’d felt the first time he’d jumped off a building after he’d got his powers. He forgot all about his wounds, about his cuts and bruises. He even forgot all about his plans to keep her away—a plan that he’d been trying to maintain for years. It all flew his mind as if it had never been there, and he could only focus on the feeling of her.

She was everything; all silk and warmth, encaging him in a whirlwind of light and goodness, chasing away the shadows that had been looming over him. His heart thumped like a drum against hers, starved and needy for her, becoming alive in a way it hadn’t been since before the Blip.

“Soph…” he rasped out, feeling high and desperate; eyes still shut.

His lips parted, his senses reeling with the taste and smell and feel of her. He tangled his hands in her hair as he brought her closer, wanting to fuse them together and never let go. She was giving him air after not being able to breathe, she was his oasis in the desert, the only beacon of light in the middle of a dark sea.

And he couldn’t get enough. He’d been deprived of her for too long.

Sophia threw an arm around his neck, her other hand cupping his jaw. “Shut up,” she mumbled, biting on his lips. “Shut up and kiss me.”

Peter could only moan and oblige.

three.

[faevyn]

Birthday Reflecting

It's funny to me how we're all looking for a new social media site to go on whern Tumblr is still here, but I guess there's issues with everywhere so... yeah lol.

Yesterday was my birthday and I've had an emotional hell of a few months, almost two years, so it's hard to look forward to something. In truth I was dreading yesterday's stream because I didn't feel like I deserved to have a good time in a way. So much so I waited until nearly the last possible second to seup the goals, incentives, and was even asleep until 10 minutes before stream.

At the end of the day it was a good day. Started out hanging with friends in Discord as usual and it was nice to vibe here and there as people were able. Took a nap as I mentioned. Then went and streamed from 6-9pm which was the planned timeframe from the get go. Violet raided with the Nerd Camp and it was nice seeing a lot of familiar faces (most I saw probably a couple hours beforehand when I was modding lol).

A bunch of gifted subs happened and we ended up at 40? subs by the end of stream. It was truly wild and overwhelming to a degree but in a good way. My friends surpsied me with a BUNCH of stuff including an air humidifier (I've had a chronic nosebleed for a bit so this is gunna help), donated the rest of the funds to get the new mic I've been eying, and the accessories to go with it, and an isopod plush! After stream the friends kept hanging out, we did mount runs, and Cupcakke gifted me the Smoldering Ember Wyrm they got from the Karazhan run we did. I was also given half the cost for a new vtuber model so stayed tuned for that fun surprise.

I knew it was going to happen at some point, but I did have a good cry because missing Tisby hit real hard. She's missed her birthday, meeting her new sister, Cupcakke's birthday, and now my birthday and the colder months are coming and we have no idea if she's galavanting around or someone has taken her in or what. There's really nothing in the world I want more than to have her home.

It was nice to hit the mic goal, accessories included, because working a contact job knowing at the end of the year that goes away is terrifying and while I can get some things it's difficult to justify larger spending. I even feel a little guilty when that's spent on me and not by me.

So today, with a slice of ice cream cake and chocolate cannolis filling my tummy and my mind a ... little clearer than it was, I can be grateful to have such loving friends and a loving fiancé who worked hard to make sure I had a special day.

I have a lot to think about in general when it comes to streaming, the content I want to make now with WoW being my current focus (and ongoing for the forseeable future), and what I want to keep up with in terms of vibe and branding. It feels like every couple of years I shed a layer and then let a new outer shell grow when it comes to the brand and I hope it resonates each time with my community as much as it does for me when all's said and done.

So thank you all who made yesterday special, know I love you so much for everything you did, and to those reading this just keep a little light glowing in your brain for me today even if it seems difficult to keep it going.

[shivunin]

2023 Writing Roundup

Thank you for the tag @inquisimer! This is a really neat game c:

words posted: 392,883 (AO3) and ~70,748 (Tumblr)

additional words written: 90,683 (unfinished wips)

grand total of words: 554,312

fandoms: Dragon Age (and a lil bit of Mass Effect and Baldur's Gate)

highest kudos: *Tie between Saccharine and Between Strokes of Night at 107 kudos each (both smut with feelings haha)

highest hit oneshot: Also Between Strokes of Night at 1,244

new things I tried: New ships (Zevwarden and Fenhawke) and fan events for writing (the Big Bang, 14 Days of Dragon Age Lovers, and Zevwarden Week)

fic I spent the most time on: Katabasis. I don't think I've ever edited any piece as much as I edited this one.

fic I spent the least time on: Byways and Lay-Bys, which I scribbled out very quickly right before I left on a trip. I really wanted to post something on my birthday and on the other side of the country, so it had to be drafted in AO3 before we left.

favorite thing I wrote: So torn between As Two Reflected Stars (I am such a sucker for wound-tending and yearning and writing this was purely self-indulgent), Breath of Life (someone confronting their feelings after a near-death is also one of my favorite things) and A Golden Bell Hung in My Heart (which I wrote for a friend's birthday and is thematically The Last Unicorn meets Dragon Age; I think it's one of the best-composed things I've made to date).

favorite thing(s) I read:

Impact by Baejax (4,173 Words | Fenhawke): Wound-tending and yearning again haha. I really liked the way the author addressed memory and memory loss in this one.

Blue Shift by bloodbright (4,324 Words) : Loved this Mass Effect piece about what Shepard and their crew are like from an outsider perspective. Excellent noir-esque vibes

What to Do by Undomiel_Writes (1,039 Words | Shakarian): This fic has this lovely cadence to it, by which Garrus counts the time he's been waiting for Shepard to wake after the end of the third game. I think it's the one I reread the most this year, too haha

Iron Bound by loquaciousquark (96,959 | Fenhawke): This arranged marriage AU has everything: chivalry, forbidden lovers, a love triangle that is actually a triangle and well-written, absolutely gorgeous descriptions of landscape, really well-done character development and, most importantly, so much yearning. I really can't recommend it enough.

writing goals for 2024: Continue to work on descriptions of place and setting and finish at least one of the long fics I've half-written.

new works: 25 (on AO3)

*Leaving out Your Fate for Mine, which I only posted an epilogue for this year

Tagging @dreadfutures @heniareth @bumblewarden @greypetrel @vakarians-babe. I know things tracking progress can sometimes feel less than great and the new year can be hard, so I am intentionally leaving the tag list short. Please let me know if you'd like to do this and I will tag you immediately!

Blank version under the break:

words posted:

additional words written:

grand total of words:

fandoms:

highest kudos:

highest hit oneshot:

new things I tried:

fic I spent the most time on:

fic I spent the least time on:

favorite thing I wrote:

favorite thing(s) I read:

writing goals for 2024:

new works:

[kfedup]

Sunday 7

or more, I don’t know, we’ll just have to wait and see...

1. Wishing the fathers in my orbit a beautiful day and sending love and light to all of the many who I know, like myself, have hard, complicated feelings about it all. I texted mine this morning and see that he read it, but no reply. I can’t recall the last time he reached out to me beyond a rare FB messenger note and we haven’t been face-to-face in the same room, or even the same region of the US for 20 years. Oh, wait, that’s not true. I was in Florida last year at this time and tried to get together with him, but he couldn’t make it work. It is what it is. I’m working on letting go of my resentment and imagining what life was like for him. We’ll see if that gets me anywhere. 

2. Those somatic movement exercises for Psoas are truly saving my life. As soon as I do them, I’m back in business. Hopefully the pilates work will help strengthen the muscles around my hips so I’m not in constant distress. Last night was weird. My 20-year-old cesarean scar began to hurt the way it did when it was healing. Lila’s 20th birthday is in a few weeks and I’ve been writing a lot about my body and specific traumas that have occurred and how i’ve compartmentalized and outsourced so much. I had just eaten a gummy and as it kicked in and the pain increased, I got myself into a relaxed position in bed and turned on a breathing meditation and I just fucking went into it. I won’t bore you with the details of my traumatic release other than to say holy hell the body holds onto some shit. I got up afterwards and wrote it all down, then hit replay on the meditation and let it carry me on waves of relaxation and deep body sensations into an incredible night’s sleep. Oof. 

3. This morning/afternoon I went to an ecstatic dance event in the CVNP at the Octagon shelter. I haven’t been since before the pandemic started and gracious, I didn’t even realize how much I missed it. The setlist was such a perfect flow and I was able to move some of that shit through and let it go. Several times I felt tears starting like I hoped would happen, but then they immediately jammed up. Maybe feeling self conscious about crying in front of strangers, I don’t know. My hips and lower back hurt after I really let myself go deep into the dance and I had to slow my ass down even though I felt so close to falling through this blockage. In due time. I’m going to go to the next one in two weeks and break out my hula hoop to use out in the back yard. 

4. I’m fantasizing about dropping everything and becoming a 5rhythms teacher. Just spend the rest of my life dancing. 

5. I put up the new hammock this afternoon and sat in the shade listening to the birds and the breeze, reading It Didn’t Start With You and listening to the new Ben Howard album with my earbuds to help drown out the psychos next door. Although, I will say they didn’t start screaming until I had already gone inside. 

6. The Vermont job that I want is posted again with a new title and slightly tweaked description. My goal is to get my application in by end of day Wednesday. The imposter syndrome is intense this time because I applied already and I have no idea if they hit the pause button on the search because they didn’t like any of the applicants or they really did want to evaluate their staffing needs once the new ED started like they said. What if it’s both things and they were just being polite? Oh well, the only real and true thing I have to go on is the deep in my gut knowing that I will regret it if I don’t try. 

7. I was supposed to do a couple hours of client work again today, but I’m wiped and needed a day that’s just for me to process and release and relax. I also got myself a DQ sundae. The screamers next door are out monopolizing the beautiful evening with their chaos, so I think I’m going to run a bath to soak with some epsom salts and essential oils and then watch a movie. 

8. This week is going to be busy af and I need to wake up and have my poop in a group right away. Wish me luck. No THC at bedtime tonight for sure. 

[punkclowngod]

Micheal Scott has HPD

Here is my irrefutable proof

Before you read, I do have to say: I have HPD and I’m also autistic and this is 100% an infodump. Everything I’m saying about the show is from memory, so sorry if I got quotes or details wrong. Hope this makes sense and honestly if you read through this completely you have my utmost respect bcuz this is going to be long.

What is HPD?

Histrionic Personality Disorder is characterized by a pervasive pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking.

Symptoms and Signs of HPD:

Demands to be the center of attention and often becomes depressed when they are not. They are often lively, dramatic, enthusiastic, and flirtatious and sometimes charm new acquaintances.

So already from that, you can see Micheal in those traits if you’ve watched The Office. But lets dive in deeper.

Here are the diagnosis criteria and how Micheal fits in every single one of them:

For a diagnosis, a patient must have: a persistent pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking. Micheal’s entire goal in every episode is to receive attention, love and affirmation from his coworkers. Everything he does, he does for approval and attention. He’s very emotional and explosive, very outgoing and social. It’s what makes him such a good salesman. He’s comfortable with people and he’s charismatic.

Here are the patterns of excessive emotionality and attention seeking. For a diagnosis, a patient will need five or more of those:

Discomfort when they are not the center of attention. There’s many proofs of Micheal being like this but I only need one episode to prove my point: the one where Kevin is waiting to see if he has cancer and it falls on the same day of Micheal’s birthday. The entire time, Micheal is uncomfortable, jealous, aggressive and distressed by not being pampered and showered with attention.

Interaction with others that is inappropriately sexually seductive or provocative. Do I really need to put a specific example here? Micheal struggles a lot with lines, when he crosses them he doesn’t realize, he’s very provocative in what he says and struggles with staying “family friendly”. Take any episode and there’s always going to be Micheal saying something inappropriate (like his famous “that’s what she said”)

Rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions. Using the Kevin may have cancer episode again as an example, you can see Micheal exaggerates his reaction when he learns Kevin’s situation. He plays more hurt than he is to gain the approval of others, realizing that if he plays more compassionate than he is, more people will be on his side. It happens a few times where he exaggerates his emotions to gain sympathy, like when Ed Truck died and Kelly asks him if he’s okay and at first he didn’t really care but now he sees the opportunity for attention and spirals from there. While he is very genuinely emotional, some of his emotions remain shallow for the simple sake of performing for attention.

Consistent use of physical appearance to call attention to themselves. This one is less blatant. He does work out (or at least tries to, wanting to stay toned), but it’s the only trait that he does not fit in as intensely as the others. Though he does have his jeans, the ones he gets dry cleaned that make him feel super confident. He loves the way he looks in them and makes a show of it whenever he wears them; he started Casual Day solely so he could wear them at work.

Speech that is extremely impressionistic and vague. There are many examples of this. One of my favourites is when he announces that Meredith has been hit by a car and is at the hospital. He’s so vague and uses weird wording, making everyone think for a second or two that she died. There’s also every time he misuses sayings so he sounds more serious, laying heavy on with the exaggeration and lacking details so whenever he speaks it sounds more intense than it really is. He says what he thinks, with no nuance and no reflexion. He believes what he sees and says it as he lived it. Everything he says is controlled by his emotions, he struggles with being objective a lot.

Self-dramatization, theatricality, and extravagant expression of emotion. Once again, do I really need to give a specific example? So much of who he is is described in this. Describing Micheal in three words would literally be: theatrical, dramatic and emotional. Everything is a big deal, everything is bigger than it really is. There are many times where a simple plot will be escalated to something completely off the rails just because Micheal’s imagination and emotions blew everything out of proportion. Herpes that was actually just an ingrown hair? Mob boss was actually just a rude Italian guy? New guy trying to dethrone him and steal all the love and attention was actually just an ex-con that simply wanted to earn a living? So many episodes have been carried by Micheal’s explosiveness and habit to “run out of amok” as he says.

Suggestibility (easily influenced by others or situations). When Dwight says he’s going to the dentist but he’s actually going behind Micheal’s back to go see Jan and steal his job; Jan calls Micheal to say she saw Dwight and Micheal’s first thought was “you were at the dentist too?”. Of course after that it escalates but it still took him a bit to realize he has been lied to. His ignorance is also born of suggestibility, he’s gullible and doesn’t second guess new information so when Todd Packer says misogynistic and racist shit, Micheal won’t question it because he immediately takes it as the truth. He struggles making up his own stance on things and will follow what is more popular. He doesn’t have the instinct to question and second guess the information he’s been fed. He believes people when they lie to him, struggle understanding when people are making fun of him, takes everything first degree because he just believes everything. He trusts people and trusts what they say or what he sees. The new chairs vs new copier plot is also a good example of this, he’s incapable of making a choice because he’s being sweet talked by both sides and can’t make the choice himself. He’s easily swayed and his mind is easily changed - which is why Jan abused him so easily, why he did everything she wanted without fighting. He simply trusted her, he didn’t question her and he was easy to gaslight and lie to.

Interpretation of relationships as more intimate than they are. The whole plot of the [herpes is actually just an ingrown hair] episode is this. Every woman he’s been with he immediately thought was the love of his life. He proposed to Carol on what, their third date? The entire beginning of his relationship with Jan was a train wreck because he thought they were a couple while she considered it to be a one time thing. The girl that washes dogs at the bar, they talked for a few minutes and suddenly he wants her to meet his mom. The entire office he sees as his family which is a plot that drives the episode where Meredith sleeps with a client for discount on supplies. Everyone is his friend, everyone is his family, he gets infatuated with people so easily he loses sense of who he is.

So those are the criteria. The only one I wouldn’t count is the use of physical appearance to call attention to themselves one. So he has 7/8. And even then, I’m not done.

Here are some additional notes:

HPD is born from trauma (like any personality disorders). It’s shown that Micheal has had a rough childhood, notably with his step father Jeff. He felt abandoned and neglected by his mother once she found a new lover, he felt left behind and still needs to compensate for that.

Let’s all remember Micheal’s childhood dog that ran away and since then he refused to go to the park in fear he would find his dog with another kid it liked better. Big HPD moment.

Also, Micheal “the machine knows!” Scott, who “drove [his] car into a fucking lake” just because he trusted the machine and took the right turn literally instead of bearing right. That’s suggestibility right there my guy.

He resents people who actually try to be his friend and struggles with love and attention (Dwight most notably but also Andy when he first arrives in the Scranton branch), because to him it feels overwhelming since he’s not used to it. He chases attention and love and struggles with accepting it because he doesn’t know how to. Of course he also seeks attention from people he sees as “cooler” (aka Jim because in his eyes Jim is the coolest guy in the office), so Dwight’s affection doesn’t feel as fulfilling. It’s hard to explain correctly but it is very relatable, to really do everything for acceptance and then hate it once you get it because it wasn’t from the specific person you had in mind or just because it ends up feeling forced.

To elaborate on the Jan abusing him: the whole sleeping on a bench thing, filming during sex to then improve his form thing, making him wear a schoolgirl uniform thing, and all the other atrocious things she’s done to him, all she had to do to get him to do it was with a smile or simply by staying. She knew Micheal was starved for love and so she used it to her own advantage. She didn’t have to do anything difficult, she knew Micheal would stay no matter what. People with HPD are “easy victims” for abusers because we need love and attention even if it kills us.

How could I forget!!! Micheal’s reckless spending habits!! He buys so many things he doesn’t need, he struggles with saving money and thinking about how his spending affects his life long-term. The condo, the three magic sets, the muppet show (I think that was it), the Burlington coat! He buys things - very expensive things - when he doesn’t have the money for it. He’s irresponsible with his money and that’s something very common amongst people with HPD.

Micheal clearly has a binge eating disorder. He stuffs himself with food he doesn’t even like, forces himself to eat disgusting things, eats tiramisu he found in the trash, mayo and olives because they’re out of ice cream, lemon cake where he’s even asked by Ryan if he likes it and Micheal replies with “it’s not about the enjoyment” or something like this. Taking two brownies and saying he’ll save the second one for later only to end up eating both at once, eating an entire family sized chicken pot pie, bingeing on ice cream cakes, there’s so many examples of Micheal displaying clear signs of having a BED and EDs are also often comorbid with HPD.

This is all I have at the top of my head right now but I know there’s a lot more. Every episode I could quote something he says or describe something he does and link it back to HPD. He’s an accidental perfect representation of the disorder - though that is NO EXCUSE for some things he had said (like slurs, misogynistic comments, racist comments, etc). Of course his HPD is worsened by his privilege, a cishet white man isn’t taught to second guess and question things, he’s encouraged to take what he feels as the truth and to see his emotions as facts. The HPD isn’t what keeps him ignorant, it’s what made it easy for him to stay ignorant. But anyone can grow and learn and no disorders is the cause of bigotry.

So here is where I rest my case. I sincerely doubt anyone read through this godawful infodump but I’m posting it anyways because The Office is my comfort show and Micheal is just a character I really enjoy as someone with HPD.

[archiveofkloss]

The model and entrepreneur has teamed up with Thorne Health for their latest campaign.

Karlie Kloss has a lot going on at the moment.

Many recognize Kloss as a model who has graced the covers of magazines and walked several iconic runways (including the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show), and now, the mom of two and busy entrepreneur is featured in Thorne Health’s “Find Your Way” campaign.

“Find your way to wellness is something that just really resonates with me because my wellness continues to evolve as life evolves,” said Kloss.

As someone who has high expectations of herself, Kloss understands that everyone’s needs change as they age. She’s taken advice from nutritionists over the years as well as a test on the Thorne website. “I want to be both physically strong and also have the mental acuity to be able to keep up with my day-to-day juggle,” she said. “You don't have to be a health expert to find things that are going to make you feel better in your skin and help you perform better.”

In this exclusive interview, Kloss talks about her wellness goals (including a big race she has her eyes on), her thoughts on starting a podcast and what she’s listening to when she works out… and no, it’s not Taylor Swift (but she does have a favorite TS song these days).

Q: What workouts are you into? 

A: I try and squeeze in whatever I can, whenever I can. That's always been the case. Long before having kids, I've always been on-the-go traveling for my day job. Whether it’s 20 minutes for a quick run, or pushing my kids in a stroller —and it's not even a high intensity thing —but just moving my body. I love to do strength training and Pilates. I'm starting to get back into running again.

Q: Do you have any running goals in mind?

A: I actually had knee surgery two years ago, which was a crazy thing as a 20-something to go through. Recovering from that forced me to take better care of myself and also train differently and really focus on strength.

I am toying with the idea of attempting a New York City marathon again this year. That was the only full marathon I've done. I've done a number of halves in Paris and in Germany.

Q: Running and training for a marathon is no joke. What’s on your playlist?

A: I love an audiobook or a podcast. I feel like it keeps my mind busy as opposed to checking the time. There's this podcast that I'm recently obsessed with called acquired okay I what it's called Acquired. They do deep dives into businesses — two hour long episodes. around like because they did a really great one on Hermes and on LVMH, and Nvidia.

Q: Would you start your own podcast?

A: I am definitely like a lifelong student. I love learning. I love asking questions. I feel like that's always been my form of education. I feel so lucky that through my career I have been able to meet so many interesting people, and I'm constantly taking advantage of that access to learn from the people around me.

Q: On the note of interesting people: you went to The Eras Tour. Do you have a favorite song off of Taylor Swift’s new album?

A: I’d say the whole album. I mean, her music is classic.

Q: Do you have a favorite Taylor Swift song, historically? [In 2013, it was Love Story.]

A: She’s got so many hits. I definitely love “Shake It Off.”

Q: What other concerts are you looking forward to?

A: I was trying to make it to the Billie Eilish tour. I had a baby last summer, so I was very sad to miss Beyoncé.

Q: With all that you do, what other goals do you have?

A: I want to continue to focus on the things that are currently on my plate. I'm excited to continue growing Kode with Klossy. We have a big birthday this coming year. We're going into our 10th year. We have 3,000 young women and gender expansive teens in our camps right now across 90 countries around the world. That's my first baby.

My bucket list item is to complete my degree. I'm a long time student at NYU, in the Gallatin program, where you make your own degree. I have taken a ton of classes across all the different schools, which is the beauty of the program. Even once I get my degree, I'm just a student of life.

[indulgnces]

interview. | timeline. | wanted. | pinterest. | navi.

name: carmen rivera

card: the chariot

birthday: october 1986 (36 - scorpio!)

birthplace: miami, florida

current residence: brooklyn, new york

gender: cis woman // she/her

occupation: art dealer

face: summer bishil

character inspo: robin buckley (s3 only! of stranger things), jonathan byers (stranger things), love quinn (you), katherine pierce (tvd), cady heron (mean girls), margaery tyrell (game of thrones), beth harmon (queen's gambit), audrey hope (gossip girl hbo).

from the mun: hi guys! I go by jess, and I’m really excited to be here! this is my first group in a year, and in that time tumblr decided to fuck around with its whole ass interface so (upside smiley), we're on a learning curve rn with that. but otherwise, I’m still really excited to be here and to plot! I’ll post a plot call on discord later, but also wanted to state one here that if you’re up for plotting and wanna plot with my girl, feel free to give this a like and I’ll hit you up! (:

growing up.

born in miami, florida to her single mother, leticia "lettie" rivera. they were a very happy family, if not at all rich or stable. lettie was a young single mom who had a penchant for two things: moving, and falling in love. as such, throughout carmen's childhood, the riveras never stayed in one place for more than two years.

as a child, carmen didn't mind because lettie did a wonderful job of depicting their travels as "chasing adventures," romancing their travels as a grand roadtrip the two were embarking on as they traveled across the nation. in reality, they moved because lettie faced one two many heartbreaks, not enough heartbreaks, or she heard of a betty paying job somewhere else.

a key way that lettie romanced their situation was through art. art could be found anywhere, created by anyone (*cough* it was a free medium! *cough*) and was a perfect form of self-expression and a great source of entertainment. as such, lettie and carmen bonded over all the different art they came across in every city they went (very much like gilmore girls' lorelai & rory's shared love of film)

all good things must come to an end, however, and carmen was disillusioned by their way of life after lettie got involved with a rich man and carmen was placed in a rich school for a year, full of rich, snobby kids who had nothing nice to say about carmen or her mother, and were quick to point out everything weird and different about their way of life. disillusioned, she couldn't help but begin to see the faults as well. slowly, she recognized that she was going to end up just like her mother if she didn't stop idolizing her and start taking shit more seriously, and so carmen's behavior shifted.

with a new determination, carmen made it a goal to not end up like her mother. that goal had two major objectives: a college degree and a good career. as her family continued to move from place to place, carmen stopped prioritizing making friends and relationships, and instead put her effort into making better grades and saving money. her breezy, mirthful personality morphed as she got older, giving way to a snarky, aloof demeanor.

carmen convinced lettie to settle for her last two years of high school, so in the summer of 2003, the riveras came and stayed in angelwoods. carmen ended up staying for college just because it was the most convenient option for her. lettie left town soon after carmen moved into her dorm.

oh and during high school school she worked two part time jobs - nights at the movie theater during the week, and the day shift at the local community rec center.

so!! small town reputation before college: say hello to the floozy mother and her unapproachable daughter everyone!!

college.

if carmen tried to keep to herself in high school, she did the exact opposite in college. she was an art history major with intentions to be an art dealer

that meant she needed connections baby!

anyone from a financially well-off family, with an interest in art/a family who had an interest in art, or on a clear financially successful path themselves were all people carmen very much got to know during college.

listen, is she a gold digger? no. more like gold detector. her future career depended on having a network of people to invest in future galleries or buy future art pieces from her future clients. it depended on her getting her foot in the door by getting jobs in galleries and being invited to galas and curator events. that can't happen if all her friends are poor like her!!

anyways, college was a pivotal time for her because in pursuit of fostering good connections, getting invites, and getting job opportunities, carmen found out she was not as.... morally righteous? as she thought she was

aka she screwed people over (literally and figuratively) to get to where she is today

and tbh, outside of a few ruined relationships here and there, it was all pretty worth it because she did develop a lot of good connections in college, leading to her getting a job at an up-and-coming gallery in denver out of college.

but like, oof, the personal cost to do that. not great, not great.

but that's not really an issue because she's off to denver so she doesn't have to think about any of that! you do what you gotta do to get where you wanna be, babes!

oh also, she worked as an RA (a bad one lol she only did it for the free housing) and at the university art gallery during college.

so let's talk small town college reputation: to the general public, there were RUMORS because omg it was probably so weird to see her switch up from being like antisocial poor new girl in high school to suddenly showing up to like kinda-definitely-out-of-her-class events, schmoozing and speaking more than she ever did before.

post college.

so she goes to denver! spends a year at the gallery and it's great, but she ends up moving to chicago after getting a better job opportunity there.

spends 6 years in the art world in chicago, builds an increasingly bigger and better network of artists and buyers, gains more skill working at different galleries and with different private buyers, curates a couple shows herself even before she's off again in 2015, this time to the big big leagues: nyc!

in a couple years, she was able to secure herself a very nice, financially stable job working as an art dealer for an investor conglomerate, finding pieces for their individual private collections while also working as the dealer for their well known art gallery in brooklyn. it's a cushy position, better than anything she's had in her previous years, and she's feeling really good about where she's ended up.

and of course it's then that she gets the invitation for her college reunion and is like - well shit.

personality.

positive: driven, adaptable, independent, persistent, witty, ambitious, thoughtful, jaunty, passionate

negative: aloof, selfish, ruthless, desperate, fickle, snarky, impulsive, biting, disloyal

not a heartless bitch. she thinks she is, but she is not. she grew up very carefree and curious, indulging in the imaginative world her mother spun for her, and she'll always be a creative, wide-eyed girl at heart. but once she realized that indulging in that lifestyle, with her circumstances, would only lead her to an insignificant life like her mother's, she put that side of her to bed.

she is determined, but not necessarily a planner - she's not thinking twelves steps ahead with a plan a and plan b and plan c - she has one plan: succeed, and she's adapted herself however she's needed to see that plan to fruition.

an optimist turned realist.

she is creative and intelligent (street smarts more so than book), but also biting and defensive, more reactive than she'd like to be.

embodies control but craves the freedom of her youth. longs for meaningful connections but has never learned how to properly maintain long-term relationships

and that's carmen! I did not proofread so I apologize for any typos! same goes for the wanted page, which I'm about to draw your attention to now: her wanted page is updated with a lot of jumping off points for plot connections if you wanna give that a look! if you're interested in plotting, you can like this or react to the plotting call in the discord and I'll reach out to plot!

interview. | timeline. | wanted. | pinterest. | navi.

[overnighttosunflowers]

2022 year in review or what have you

It has been a busy year. Anyone who knows me will tell you that all of my years are busy years, and then gently yell at me that I need to do fewer things. They’d be correct; I was going pretty nonstop from June to Christmas and it took a lot out of me. BUT a lot of those things were good things:

went to three weddings and got to see many of my college friends for the first time in years

with my sister, organized and threw a big 60th birthday party for our parents

had visits from two other dear friends, neither of whom I’d seen since pre-pandemic

got to hang out for several cumulative weeks with my parents’ puppy whom I adore

played in two D&D campaigns; saw my cleric, who’s been with me for three years since level 1, hit level 10; and had some really wonderful roleplay moments

rejoined band for the first time since the pandemic started and picked my oboe back up for the first time in seven years

was deeply lucky to go to a bunch of shows both on and off Broadway, including Into the Woods, Merrily We Roll Along, The Music Man, Macbeth (Daniel Craig was fine) and Funny Girl (Lea Michele was amazing). I also saw the revival of Company with my girlfriend; it’s my very favorite show and it’s about relationships and marriage, so that felt a little vulnerable, but she loved it :’)

Not going to pretend it was all great, of course. My grandmother died this fall, shortly after turning 92, and that was hard. I fiddled with my meds when I shouldn’t have and gave myself a couple months of really bad anxiety. The forcibly slower pace of 2020-2021 had gotten me out of my habit of overbooking my life and I launched back into it in 2022 like an idiot with one of those clown punching bags. I kept sprinting relentlessly at overcommitments and then (surprise! who could’ve guessed!) kept getting slammed with the accompanying overwhelm and exhaustion. The worst was the day I thought I had finished my marathon autumn and instead found myself locked into a full month of jury duty. That sure was… something.

Pivoting back to the positives, though, the biggie was:

I changed jobs after six years!

I’d been at my previous job since I was fresh out of college and everyone’s assistant. While there were many reasons I finally decided to bounce, the biggest one was just... I was ready to hit reset and start fresh. So far it’s proving to have been a really good decision. Not one without its anxieties and stressors, but I’m much happier.

Not nearly as big, but felt big for me: I put together a whole cosplay and wore it! I’m a deeply self-conscious person, but lately I’ve been trying to chill out, loosen up, and let myself just happily exist as the person that I am. I’ve made costumes before, but wearing one with this level of effort and a wig and then like taking pictures in it felt like it crossed an event horizon of plausible deniability. And it felt good!

I also taught myself very basic leatherwork to make said cosplay, which was a blast.

Lastly, I know my job change should be what I’m proudest of this year, but actually, that’s this:

I wrote 47,000 words of fanfiction across seven different works.

I do a lot of writing (of a different sort) for my job, but I hadn’t written anything for pleasure, or even any fiction at all, in about five years. Then Imogen and Laudna decided to grab me by the throat, and suddenly I had things I wanted to say about them? And then people liked the stories I was telling? And then I kept writing and even pushed myself to try some new genres? And I found a community around all of it and made some great friends? (Sidebar: this has been such a wonderful fandom to be a part of, and y’all have been one of the things I’m most grateful for this year.) I didn’t see any of this coming but I’m so, so happy it did.

I historically haven’t been much for New Year’s resolutions, but this year I have a goal for real. I want to keep writing. There’s a longfic I’ve got fully plotted, and I’m intimidated as hell by the idea of writing something with chapters and a real plot, but I also think maybe I’m ready. Or I can certainly try :)

Anyway, happy new year, y’all. Here’s to another circle round the sun and however 2022 was for you, I hope 2023 is better. 💜

[nancypullen]

Friday Evening

I’ve ranted, raved, and cried.  You probably don’t want to hear it anymore. I know we’re all saturated with bad news and you didn’t come here for that. SO...although I will continue to rant and rave to my elected officials and donate to candidates who will work for change, back to our regularly schedule programming.   I have a bird.  Well, I had a bird.  I named him Jeffrey, but the call of the wild was stronger than his love for me.  Let me start at the beginning. Yesterday I was in the front yard prepping the flower bed for spring planting.  It had gotten weedy and ugly because we really didn’t have much of a winter.  Earlier this week I was thrilled that iris bulbs that a dear friend sent to me last year were blooming.  There’s a very sweet story behind them and I’ll get to that too.

Oh, happy day! This made my heart so light! Thank you, Dina. Anywhoooo, I was on my hands and knees, pulling weeds and singing along to Three Dog Night when I heard a loud THUNK!  I turned just in time to see a bird bounce off the basketball goal of the house across the street. Poor fella hit the street and fluttered around a bit before getting still. I felt awful for him and sort of kept one eye on him while I continued weeding.  I battled with my urge to rush over and save him and the dread of seeing a dead bird.  Then I realized that if he was alive I couldn’t just leave him there for a car to hit or a cat to torture.  I walked into the street and saw that he was very much alive, so I scooped him up and assured him I wouldn’t hurt him.  He thanked me by pooping in my hand.

I didn’t mind. I figured it was either the poop of death, the poop was scared out of him, or he’d just enjoyed a nice lunch at my bird feeder.  He didn’t seem embarrassed, but that might be the effects of the concussion.  I sat in the sunshine with him and we talked.  He was a good listener, but seemed to have some short term memory issues.  He slowly started to perk up and his little chirps became more inquisitive.  I stroked him and kind of checked his wings and legs and everything seemed to be in working order.  This was when Stanley, the tabby from down the street (I don’t know his real name, he’s Stanley to me) strolled onto the porch.  Interesting timing, Stanley.  I have a little video that I’ll try to post.  Moving right along, Jeffrey showed steady improvement and over time hopped from my hand to my leg, then to my shoulder.  We bonded.

Don’t judge me, I was working in the garden. I sent this picture to my boys.

Then I sent it to my sister.

I was seeing a delightful trend in the responses.  What granny doesn’t want to feel like a princess for a day?  Then I sent it to MIckey.

He does not think I’m a princess, he assumed that I had somehow lured or tricked that bird.  I have to admit, he’s merely judging from past experience. Of course, I later told him the truth about the poor bird with the traumatic brain injury that I saved from certain death.

After quite a while porch sitting with Jeffrey he hopped to the back of my chair, and then to the porch railing before flying away.

I don’t regret one minute of our brief but meaningful relationship and I’m sure that he feels the same.  I’m hoping he’ll spread the word about the nice lady on Kathryn Court and tell the other birdies not to poop on my car. Other than acting as an avian EMT, I’ve been finishing up the changes to the downstairs powder room.  It’s nearly ready for a reveal and I’m so tickled with the results. The new faucet arrives tomorrow and I’ve got .a piece of art to hang over the commode yet. Almost finished! I probably won’t post for two or three days - the Edgewater gang is coming for the weekend, we’ll celebrate Mickey’s birthday on Sunday (even though it’s not until the 4th), and we’re spending the day in D.C. on Monday.  We’ll take in the cherry blossoms, visit the African-American Museum, and  hopefully take a turn in the National Gallery.    Might not post until Monday night or Tuesday morning.  Until then, stay safe, stay well, keep your chin up. Sending out loads of love-

Nancy

[mackjlee9]

Yes i hit the wrong keyy combination and send that other ask to early This time for real ~~~💕

Among the stars “The Stars are the end of the start. In Silence it started and in Silence it ends” You were bored for quite some days now, nothing really to do and your boyfriend needing to be with his family ruined the plans you two made. You were on your bed, scrolling through your phone without any goal as someone knocked at your door. You were confused because you didn’t expect anyone, but you got up anyways to check who it was. “Surprise, I managed to get away sooner than planned!”, you were shocked for a second, not expecting your boyfriend back so soon but you were beyond happy nonetheless. Your shocked and confused face was quickly replaced by a bright smile and a big hug you too shared. You hurried him to get inside and not bothering to let him unpack all of his stuff. You just wanted to do anything even if its just cuddles on the couch for now. “You had fun with them?”, you asked mockingly. “Mhm sooo much fun, let’s not talk about them for a while. Needed to spend enough time there.” You felt how he starts to fidget a bit; it means he is nervous about something. You raise your head from his chest, enough to look at him. “You are nervous. What´s up?”  “I thought we could maybe … spontaneously visit the Planetarium today? I already checked, there are still seats available. And we wanted to do that for quite a while before our plans got destroyed by a certain someone.” “Really!?” “Yea, you always told me how much you loved to have a planetarium date at some point”, you beamed at him with a bright smile while he could only softly smile back at your eagerness to finally get your dream date. “I maybe also already got the cards for your favorite show. The one focusing on black holes? We can go see it in some hours, maybe they have some cute plushies in the souvenir shop as well, a cute black hole with a smiley face? Can go to your favorite sushi bar afterwards, it´s close by anyways.” You knew this plan; it is familiar because it Is a date idea of yours that you told him about. “You didn’t do this just now did you? That´s to planned out!” you felt your face heating up, resting your head back on his chest while lazy playing with his hand that was not rubbing your back. “Hm maybe, maybe I planned this as soon as they wanted me to get back immediately, not caring we had plans. Maybe I simply left earlier because I had this planned out.” “Geez who is now the romantic looser?” “Still you, it´s your idea after all. I just followed the plan.” “touché”. You shared some laughs and enjoying each other in silence for a while. Just laying there in a universe that is so vast and unknown but still managed to get two people together that seem to be a perfect match. A match made from the very start of it all. Both of you didn’t realize how the time went by. “We need to get going soon” “mhm” “ which means you need to get down from me” “mmhm warm” “I still need to shower” “You could just take me with you?” “My little bear, but I fear we will not get really ready when we share the shower now” “Oh naughty you!” “I meant that YOU are just gonna cling to me and we just cuddle under the shower, pervert” “Hehe yes probably, okay” You hesitantly rolled of your boyfriend and let him get ready so you can finally have the perfect date of your dreams beneath the stars.

Absvfjfisbhs this is actually so cute, and like- it's just describing the date, but it's adorable and I wanna go to the planetarium now 🥺🥺

Hopefully, it'll be a happy birthday for me 😋😋

But waking up to this was enough to make it a happy birthday!!! I really liked it and I mean it when I say I would binge read everything you write, puppy~!

[welightthefire]

Thank you for tagging me @streamingcolors-gvf 😘

I think it might be fun to look back on what we’ve all achieved this year, let you give yourselves a well deserved pat on the back and also share what you love. When you’re done maybe tag someone else so they can share too?

1. How do you feel 2022 has gone in terms of writing?

Ohh boy. I feel like in the beginning of the year, I hit the ground running. I had a lot of ideas and motivation, passion even, and was putting out my best work. Throughout the summer, mostly near the end, I started to lose steam and imagination and that’s something I’m struggling to navigate through right now. I’m hoping 2023 brings a refreshing bit of inspiration that I can really work with.

2. What pieces are you proudest of this year? It can be a shot/blurb/headcannon, a whole series or even a specific chapter.

Table For Two, without a shadow of a doubt. It was an idea that I came up with last November and sat on for quite awhile. I knew it was going to be a huge project and I wanted to collaborate with someone on it. I’m not the most sociable on here, so I mostly just posted my other writings for awhile and then the most beautiful soul showed up outta nowhere in April and not only did she quickly become one of my absolute best friends, she became the best co-author I could ever ask for to help me bring this idea to fruition.

3. Is there anything you posted that you wish had reached more people? (No such thing as a flop here!) Shout it out, it might catch a new pair of eyes!

Again, Table For Two. I have so much love for the group of readers following along in the adventures of the twins and Syd (and poor Sam), but it’s something that I am so incredibly proud of that I simply want everyone to read it.

4. Can you give us a hint of anything coming before the end of the year? Maybe even a little taster?

You’ll definitely get an update or two from @allieboop and I for TFT, maybe even the end of the series!! I’m also working on a Danny x reader blurb that will be out in the next week or so and a little secret something else, but I can’t say much of anything about it. 🤫

5. Are you setting any writing goals for next year, or just going with the flow? If you are, what are they?

I’m hoping to build my masterlist more. I have some works already in progress which you’ll see on the pinned post on my page, however they won’t be posted until late-winter/spring.

6. Do you have any one shots or finished pieces you're tempted to expand on or revisit next year?

Teach Me Tonight will be getting a part two once TFT is wrapped up and I get some of these other works out. There are some other things floating up in the air, but we’ll just have to see how things turn out first.

7. Is there anything new you're tempted to try out? A new style/trope/AU/another person in the fandom?

I would really love to try my hand at an enemies to lovers trope!! I’m such a sucker for angst when it comes to reading, however, I do find myself struggling to write it sometimes. I have such a fluffy soul lol

8. Now to hype some other writers! What's a piece you read back in the first half of the year that you can shout out?

Amongst The Stars by @samkiszkasfacialhair hands down. It was posted on my birthday this year and to this day, it is the most gut-wrenching piece yet stands as my favorite thing I’ve ever read on this hellsite.

9. And how about something you've read more recently?

Pink Lemonade (WIP) by @garbagevanfleet

Ego (all 3 Parts) by @allieboop

Seven (WIP) by @stardustchordssammy

The Number One Rule by @streamingcolors-gvf and @allieboop

10. A fun one to finish...If you could insert yourself into any fic in the fandom, which would it be and what do you think would happen?

Boys of Summer (WIP) by @streamingcolors-gvf

My girl is in the process of writing a slow burn and confusing the hell out of me and I have NO IDEA what’s going on rn or what to expect, but I can tell you (and she knows this) that I would end up with Jake 😌

Tagging @samkiszkasfacialhair, @stardustbarbarians, and @mintysammykiszka (apologies if you’ve already been tagged)

[tiredelirium]

D.19

I’ve had a lot of story ideas over the years. A lot are things that have probably been done before in some vein. There aren’t an awful lot of original base ideas left, and because of medias growth inspiration comes in a way that takes from sources already seen.

Not every idea is meant to be written the same way. Some stories are better told through a short story. Others through a comic where the images can convey more than a description neater. Others through animation that still image can’t replicate. Others as scripts where the dialogue is the most important factor.

My favourite idea I’ve had is a story of a woman and a robot. Both are displaced from their original worlds for very different reasons. Yet they find themselves working together to earn a living in a hostile world. The woman learns to face her past and let it go. The robot learns to look forward to their future and accept what they are. They face many trials and tribulations both alongside each other and separated. They help one another, hinder one another, and grow as people.

This was a story I was never sure what form to commit it to. When I was in university I used the story base for a book cover concept, alongside a handful of comic panels. But I think the story would be better told in either a book or a full animation rather than a comic. It’s not that a comic wouldn’t work for the base idea, it probably would work fine. It’s just not what I imagine it to be.

Another favourite idea for a story of mine is one based around the journey of three very different people with very different goals who become family in the process of helping each other. One is a young woman who seeks revenge for her parents, murdered before her eyes, by tapping into magic unexplored. One is a gentleman knight, who was excommunicated for their love of a prince, who now seeks repentance. One is a merchant turned pirate by circumstance, forced to do terrible things and then thrown from the seas, now seeking redemption for his past. A story of revenge, repentance and redemption.

Though lately I’ve been thinking about far leas fantastical story concepts. I’ve always been the type of person who gets bored of media that doesn’t have something Special going on in it. A soap opera? Boring. A space soap opera? Now that could be good! The latter has all the tactics and techniques of the former, but also there’s laser swords.

Maybe thats the little kid in me with the big imagination that just *needs* that extra kick of interesting to watch something. Or maybe reality is just too uninteresting that the idea of enjoying something baked in reality becomes itself less than.

I don’t know.

But. I have been thinking about those types of mundane stories lately. I wish I had more extroverted energy to pursue inspiration for such stories. As anything I could come up with wouldn’t have an inkling of personal experience to it. I think if I wrote a story from that point of view it wouldn’t be interesting.

Hell I don’t even know if these journals would be interesting. Since I don’t read them after I’m done writing, and haven’t went back to read them, I don’t know the score on that front. I imagine they aren’t, as they’re just rambled thoughts and personal opinions intermingled with parts of my own history and life.

Hopefully someone out there is reading and gets some kind of kick out of these. I’ll stop doing this journal on this account after I hit day 30 after all.

Oh, fun fact before I go. It was my birthday today, officially i’m 31 as of two hours ago. My family are all away on holiday except for myself, my mum who couldn’t travel even if she wanted to, and our dog who is very old herself. So no celebrations, which I do prefer being honest, no family visits with presents or cards, and no birthday cake.

It sounds sad I’m sure, but it doesn’t phase me.

I hate being the centre of attention, so having nobody around for a birthday I don’t really care about is relieving more than anything. Though I do wish there was someone who was special to me still around.

That’d be nice.