#my bf is in the back constantly telling me 'you can like him for superficial reasons' and I do

[catiuapavel]

My relationship status with Renault is: It's Complicated

He was one of the two characters I was looking forward to for the most superficial reasons (he's handsome) and conceptually he is made for me, and yet he's written so blandly it's making my heart ache.

How do you fumble fallen villain become knight errant, all this packed within a man who looks like that? Mind control trope as a way to avoid enging with morality and responsability, if i catch you...

[coolsasukefan420]

idk where else to put this so i’m just gonna dump this thought i’ve had for a month now here where i know no one will see except for 10,000,00 sexbot blogs <3

so one of my friends (ex friend? idk) is angry with me on the surface for telling her ex bf (a guy i’ve been friends with for like 6 years) that she hung out with some guy she had a situationship with about 6-8 months before they got together (they were seeing each other about 2-3 months) (it was on accident but i still did it and i know i fucked up) (said guy i am also friends with) (we all worked at starbucks together lol) i say on the surface because during our fucking 6 paragraph length texts back and forth she told me in more words that i’ve been a terrible friend to her for the past year because i decided to be friends with mr. situationship. problem is: i checked in with her more than 5 times throughout the year if she was okay with me hanging out with me – she always said yes. she was even the catalyst to me pursuing a platonic relationship with situationship. more happened but that’s the gist.

she’s since stopped talking to me after my final text to her basically said “i’m sorry for telling ur ex. i am also not going to apologize for doing something you told me was fine 5+ times. u take responsibility for that.” an important fact is she’s freshly 20 and i’m almost 24; we met at starbucks, i essentially adopted her bc her home life was extremely toxic and abusive, and i did everything in my power as a poor 20-22 year old to help her out. giving her money, giving her rides, reaching out to my boss about her parents, etc. i know friendship is not transactional and i absolutely did not do any of that just to… idk.. gain some sort of worshipper in the process? but i’m just having the hardest time comprehending that me doing something she said was fine multiple times led to her not only revealing that she sees me as some cold hard bitch, unwilling to compromise or listen to anyone’s concerns, but also out to get her? like–idk, it’s almost as if she sees my actions as malicious, like i purposefully told her ex so that he would cut her off (this man has been a sensitive subject their entire relationship and i’ve always been mindful in how i interacted with these three)

basically, my dilemma is that i feel almost nothing. i cried the day after our fight and the anxiety i had felt i had just chugged sulfuric acid, but after i sent that final text… i felt … relieved. i’m wondering now, was this friendship more taxing than i realized? am i relieved because i also dropped situationship as a friend? (i developed feelings, told friend, she felt uncomfortable, i stopped speaking to him.) or, is it the fact that i feel as if her anger towards me was mostly due to me being an easy target; i was constantly in the middle of her and her ex’s relationship (against my will, i set very clear boundaries early on and they ignored them. i’m at fault for not reinforcing them strong enough… and i also wanted to help her when they were having issues… my fault), i was friends with situationship, i’ve been characterized as an emotionless bitch (her words), etc., so her anger towards me feels so superficial i can’t even take it seriously? it’s so dumb to actually acknowledge but the way i’ve viewed my friendships and my life in the 5 years between 19-24 has changed drastically and i can see that her idea of friendship is very adolescent, i.e. “[name] isn’t making me a priority so she’s a bitch” or “x didn’t text me back but they were on twitter so they’re ignoring me” etc etc. i feel bad that i’m just watering down her anger to naïveté when she has gone through so much in such a short amount of time, but alternatively, she’s still just barely 20. at the same time… i don’t want to deal with her. i don’t want her to use me as an easy target. i don’t like that she holds me in a different light than our other friends. i don’t like that one mistake from me is not treated equally to the ways she has responded to her closest friends mistreating her to the point of her sobbing to ME. i don’t like that she chose to ignore my honest attempts to be open and honest about my friendship with situationship and instead chose to talk badly about me behind my back about my friendship with this guy. and i absolutely do not like that she is willing to let go of a potentially lifelong friendship over a man she was fucking for 2-3 months.

is that bad? is that why i feel relieved? i can’t tell my close friend who is also very close to her this (ex friend called us mom and dad–i was dad, lol) because, although she’s on my side (which i fucking HATE that this could potentially lead to picking sides because its fucking stupid and immature and HONESTLY. if it came to it. i would remove myself entirely from the friend group. but anyways) she doesn’t want us to stop being friends. she made a comment recently that “she better say something to you after christmas or i’m going to show up at her place and slap her” (a joke, obviously) i said “please don’t do that” and i wasn’t joking. i hate to admit it and i hope so much that my (ex) friend will come around eventually, but i do think this will change the way i see her and idk if we’ll ever be as close as before. i just keep asking myself “how have we been friends this long and she doesn’t actually see me, just this vague bullshit idea of me?” and it hurts. i’ve done so much internal growth and i wonder, does it not show? i’ve spoken with my longest long-distance friends (met in middle school, all moved in high school) and they can see it. my close friends nearby don’t agree with her. but does she see something about me i don’t? or, is her characterization just plainly incorrect?

so essentially. i feel relieved, and i feel bad about it. did i become someone i can’t recognize? or, did she grow to become someone i can’t be friends with?

and if i’m being really honest, when i think about her being mad at me… i laugh. because. what the fuck?

idk if this will be under a read more god i hope so

[lanajvmeson]

emerges frm a field of corn slinking in w a faux mink shrug dangling around my elbows n a strand of wheat between my teeth..... farmer eleganza.... hlo! my name’s nai. i am bt a humble ghoul arrived to haunt ur home. 23 n she/her pronouns n i live in manchester. fun fact my friend’s neighbour used to b harry styles PE teacher. i played delilah yrs ago as carlson young (n even cara delevingne at one point what the fk) which feels so weird n ancient to me nw bt i missed her a lot so decided to spruce her bk to life.... ANYWAY delilah’s pinterest is here n i’ll jst leap right into things without further ado

(NICOLA PELTZ, CIS-FEMALE) - Have you seen DELILAH ASTOR? LILAH is in HER JUNIOR year. The POLITICAL SCIENCE MAJOR is 21 years old & is a CAPRICORN. People say SHE is BEGUILING, BLUNT, CUNNING and APATHETIC. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY. I heard from the gossip blog that SHE WAS IN A REHABILITATION CENTRE IN SWITZERLAND INSTEAD OF DOING CHARITY WORK LIKE HER SOCIAL MEDIA CLAIMED.  (NAI. 23. GMT. SHE/HER.) 

HISTORY

their family is kind of modelled off the sedgwick family like old money n pretty dysfunctional bt all abt keeping up a seamless facade of perfection... with a pinch of the kennedy’s in there. her dad’s high up in politics n his dad before tht ws in politics n it’s just a long prestigious line of clones in expensive suits as far as delilah’s concerned. her dad i picture as like.... nate archibald’s grandfather in gossip girl.... personality wise.

for as long as she cn remember she’s found this cookie cutter white picket fence life boring. stifling. to delilah it’s like being hemmed in a stuffy room n forbidden frm opening a window. it’s all vry Rich People Problems i wnt lie bt <3 she feels everlastingly bored. All The Time. plus her family hs always been a focal point fr tabloids etc which doesn’t help this feeling of not rly Living but just being the focus of a spectator sport. they’re lowkey a bit of a household name so they get a bunch of scrutiny n......... well. new bullet point alert! cue a powerpoint transition

(self harm & depression tw) frm being young delilah always knew there ws sort of. a white noise inside her where everyone else saw a technicolour movie screen. it rly hit her at like 12 i’d say as she was jst coasting towards adolescence. it ws pretty obvious frm her behaviour i’d say bt her parents only became Aware it ws a problem when she stuck a fork into a socket n short circuited the power in the house. she got shocked unconscious n when she woke up she told the in house dr they’d called (to keep it under wraps frm outsiders) tht she just.... couldn’t feel anything. she’d been reading frankenstein (she’s always liked gothic literature) n thought it’d zap her to life like the monster

her parents got her on medication n figured that wld fix everything. they didn’t like to talk abt things and that was that. it wasn’t to be mentioned again

delilah’s parents r just very.... sterile. family is abt appearances. they’ll be all smiles n flowing conversation when ppl are around bt it feels like being an actress n reading frm a script. being a toy in a dollhouse

she had two siblings: an older sister named clara & a younger brother named elijah. clara ws always like.... the Dream daughter. did everything right. amazing grades. america’s sweetheart. LOVED by the press. did sm charity work. elijah was fine/kind of a slacker compared bt coasted by on athletic prowess (captain of the rowing team). delilah hs very much always been the anomaly in this idyllic line-up. middle child effect! altho having said tht she’s always ran w the popular crowd of her age group bc Rich + Pretty = Status. it’s all quite superficial n delilah’s attitude on the matter can b summed up w this photoset. having said tht there was Some merit in constantly being paraded around as “such a pretty thing” bc a few modelling agencies attempted to scout her bt delilah found that boring. she wants to b called brilliant not beautiful. her mother called this her “not playing to the advantages that god gave her”. with a tight-lipped smile and a “god forbid i use my brain”, delilah only disappointed her further <3

(drugs & ed tw) delilah gt pretty heavy into partying fr the sake of trying to Feel something. intense on the drugs front (coke n prescription pills). rarely eating. she got a silver broach of a swan tht she pins to most of her clothes n u can unscrew the swan’s neck n pull it out to reveal a little powder spoon. still wears this today. clara n delilah were always super close n clara wld cover fr her a bunch. making up lies n jst having her back to their parents if they ever asked where she was / she ws in trouble n needed to keep it under wraps. when delilah hd an article in a tabloid pretty mch like this one clara talked their parents dwn frm sending her to a rehabilitation centre in switzerland. they gt it pretty much scorched frm existence bt delilah kept a clipping bc honestly she thought it was funny hw pale her mother went abt it

(car accident & drunk driving & death tw) at a fancy benefit the astors were all attending among 4857925974 uppity families delilah wound up heading off w some of the rich kids n one thing lead to another n a couple of them gt arrested fr a coke scandal. delilah used her phone call to contact clara n fr once clara hd let loose a little n hd something to drink bt still drove to the station to bail delilah out n try n fix her mess bt.... skipped a red light n crashed. she died upon impact.

(hospitalisation & drugs & addiction tw) this made delilah spiral massively obviously.... she clung on by the skin of her teeth fr a while bt she rly was just getting quite out of control doing an extremely excessive amt of coke to get by at this point so her parents actually did.... end up shipping her off to switzerland for rehabilitation. they didn’t tell anyone this tho n as far as ppl were/are aware she was doing charity work with habitat for humanity in trinidad. her parents literally........... hired ppl to take photos of things there n a social media team posted them to her instagram account jst. the most elaborate lie.... it’s a lot.

delilah jst pretty much went along w whatever they said at the facility bt didn’t absorb any of it too much.... she did get sober there bt it was vry much bc she had no other choice rather than a want to......... she even pretended to “find god” while she ws there n memorised bible lines to recite w a coolly detached smile. in her head she ws probably thinking abt hw her mandated therapist cld gladly eat shit and she’d be happy to watch. it was just like.... everyone there was RLY hideously overpaid bt did they actually Care abt their work or patients? debatable. wasn’t the most healing experience thru delilah’s eyes bt... maybe it’d work better if she’d actually opened her mind to it bt anyway...... <3 cornelius fudge voice: she’s back. the dark lord.....

PERSONALITY:

nw tht her history is out of the way i’ll leap like a flea off a shaggy dog’s back into personality! aesthetically she almost ALWAYS wears white/cream. reminds me of the woman in white frm sharp objects. rarely she’ll dabble in silver or gold or like..... vry pale green bt.... always muted tones. usually white or cream. big white sunhats. white sunglasses. white pussybow blouses w a little white skirt n a pearl barrette in her hair. she even smokes white sobranie cigs tht r imports like it’s a lot she’s truly committed to the aesthetic.... paired w like. classic patent mary janes.... she tends to flutter around the place like a silk moth. likes lace too. hs a very put together image n even demeanour like she’s very lithe n graceful n drifts like a ghost which kind of contrasts w... who she is at her core bt in the astor family it’s all abt appearances <3 the only deviation from this is she sometimes wears dark blue mascara once in a blue moon n if ppl comment on this she’s like. idk what ur talking abt? glides away like a ghost in a haunted mansion n is never seen again.

very perceptive. incredibly observant. yrs of early life media training n being born frm politicians means she’s an excellent liar. she knows ppl n knows what makes them tick bt she’ll only use this when necessary. she isn’t a terrible person bt she knows how to b Very mean n will equip this as a weapon shd a situation call fr it. also more prone to lashing out since her sister......... she hs sometimes played chess games socially fr kicks

dark n biting sense of humour. rather frank abt things. VERY ruthless when scorned bt she isn’t particularly?? emotive abt it??? her bf cheated on her once n when he told her she slapped him rly hard in front of sm ppl he knew n then jst walked away. blocked him on literally everything. removed him frm the face of the earth as far as she ws concerned. had him blacklisted frm every event n told ppl they’d be cut too if they continued to associate w him. goodbye sir <3 u are the weakest link <3 needless to say he regretted it <3

very loyal to u until she isn’t. finds it very easy to cut ties if need be. once her trust is broken it is gooooone baby goone.... the trust is Gone. selective in who she cares abt

vry cavalier abt sex. she doesn’t sleep around hugely i dnt think??? bt when she does it isn’t often tht emotionally invested she’ll jst out of the blue very nonchalantly blow out a wisp of smoke n b like. so u want to fuck me then? cool. proceeds to get up as if she’s walking to leave n then looks bk n is like what do ur legs not work? follow me. n leads them somewhere

nothing rly.... moves her particularly. she isn’t very animated. it’s like she jst finds the entire world thoroughly unimpressive. it’s difficult to stimulate excitement from her. it’s like that hugh laurie quote where he realised he had depression bc “boredom is not an appropriate response to exploding cars”.

has a pet swan bk at home she’s named lilith inspired by satan’s offspring. lilith bites ppl if they get close n is honestly an abomination of a bird. delilah finds her funny n throws her bits of croissants sometimes bt even she isn’t immune to her pecks. in some ways they’re similar...... hv a graceful surface appearance / aesthetic bt a darker attitude beneath the surface

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

exes: the ex bf tht cheated on her n she got blacklisted from 94872347 social events cld be a fun thing to explore..... delilah wld be EXTREMELY cold towards him n honestly want him dead. wouldn’t show any shred of caring abt him at all she’s very gd at stoning her emotions n keeping them inside. hasn’t cried since her sister died as an example of how..... withdrawn she is from confessing her innermost thoughts n desires. maybe an ex bf before tht that she rly didn’t take seriously at all..... typically she just isn’t interested/invested in romance she’s vry apathetic abt it all

party friends: those tht run in similar rich kid circles tht she would have smuggled off with at fancy events so they could let loose.......... ppl tht r completely her opposite who she finds interesting bc they represent everything she always wanted outside the oppression of her strict regiment family....... mutual bad influences tht are heavy into drugs n always enable each other...... u name it!

hook-ups: she doesn’t have a HUGE amt of these bt.... maybe a select handful.... some she wld have hooked up w once n never again n just been like >_> if they implied they shd as if it was preposterous n she was thoroughly over it.... some maybe she’d find interesting enough to extend beyond tht...... none she’d invest in if she cld help it altho? maybe someone as an exception to tht rule cld be fun

friends of her sister: (death tw) clara was universally well liked for being rly sweet n well intentioned n she attended yates only two yrs delilah’s senior so she might have some connections here still somehow??? cld be angsty to work with

i won’t lie i’m rly hungry as i write up these wcs so my brain’s going blank n i’m gna have to sprint to get some toast bt <3 roommates, enemies, competitive friendships, resentments, angst, chaos, drama, strife, u name it n i am dwn!!!! hits post n takes off galloping dwnstairs

[ninatastic]

@kay-licious how dare u (thanks <3) @silent-calling youre doing amazing sweetie

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I wouldnt call it a key factor but it’s important to feel attraction towards your partner

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

sure! If it’s a healthy one definitely :D

3. Are you a virgin?

nah 

4. Are you in a relationship?

yeh!

5. Are you in love?

I’d say so!

6. Are you single this year?

no

7. Can you commit to one person?

yes

8. Describe your crush

it me bf

9. Describe your perfect mate

same as above c: 

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no, only when it comes to animals c;

11. Do you ever want to get married?

thats a dream of mine tbh

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

I guess every healthy person would say no but yes, I’d absolutely do (only the first time tho, after the second time you gotta ask yourself if it’s really worth it)

13. Do you get jealous easily?

in regard to my bf: I used to but it’s a hell of a lot less nowadays. In regard to people in general, sometimes, especially when im not doing well mentally

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

me bf

15. Do you have any piercings?

just have my ears pierced!

16. Do you have any tattoos?

no but maybe soon

17. Do you like kissing in public?

only if its sweet forehead or cheek kisses, or quick kisses on the mouth or hand kisses

20. Do you shower every day?

yes though I gotta admit I really have to force myself. Not because I like being stinky but because everything is kinda difficult sometimes

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

bruh I sure hope my bf does;;

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

nah

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I’ve been in a relationship for 5 and a half years now, I think so

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

it is possible but who tf knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

idk, to be frank: I think my life would be a bit easier if I wasnt in a relationship, or if I hadnt been in a relationship for the past 1-2 years. And I often feel like im more of a burden to my bf than anything else. But thats a different story

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

as in losing touch with me? I guess so

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

a song yes and it was awkward as hell ajhajdfha and people have done drawings for me which is <3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<33

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yup

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

very very unfortunately yes, and just like a bunch of you guys I was this close to killing myself. I was in a very bad place which I know is not an excuse for this. I still think about it even if it’s been a time since then but I think I cqan never forgive myself because of that

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

often but im too much of a scared cat dsfskjf  idk though, I would love to be much more petite size wise

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

oh often

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

yeah;; I’m not exactly pretty or popular, so puberty was hard

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

hell yeah

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

:( no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yeh!!

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah and it’s difficult to be normal then aaaaaahhhhhhh

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

some of my friends have a strong disliking towards my current bf but i dont know if you can call it hate

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yeah and it ruined me for a while

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

uuuuhh not really I think

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

whenever I write bday cards I always put a poem in it :D

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

hella

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

depends on how thirsty I am

43. How long was your longest relationship?

5 and a half years and counting

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

2-3

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

uuhh I was 14, no one 

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

HELLA

47. How old are you?

22 my dudes

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I#d try to play it cool because internally I’m panicking, someone help me

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

I love about my bf how you can ALWAYS count on him when shit gets down, even if he hasnt talked to a friend for a good while and they’re like “hey I need you”, he’ll be there in a sec Also that he is still able to surprise me

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

jsdfhsjdfks GO AWAY, I’d say while closing the door and shutting the blinds quicker than lightning

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

yeah, but that’s probably because I have bpd and depressions

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

yeah, I tried to help them on all occassions, so much that I ruined my own life partially and made myself sick. But whatever I did or said, they apparently want to suffer, so i gave up trying. 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

yeah my abuser probably

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

unfortunately yes and fortunately yes

55. Share a relationship story.

uuuuuuhhhhh; I dont really know what to write here. Guess I’ll never forget when my bf held a kitten (which was only a week old) in his hands and he almost cried because he loved the baby so much. Haha, he was afraid of crushing it though because it was much smaller than the palms of his hands

56. State 8 facts about your body

I gained a lot of weight since last year which is why I avoid posting or taking pics, but according to everyone else you dont see it that much (?); my hair is getting its natural curliness back; I fucked up my knee so I’ll have knee surgery next year; I bruise easily; I have a shit ton of scars; I love my super green eyes; I have thicc thighs and if I’m very emotional I get red spots all over my body

57. Things you want to say to an ex

to my first ever bf: fuck u lmao to the second bf I had: I’m so sorry for everything and I hope that you found your place :)

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

uuuhhh be sweet and understanding, be funny, be somewhat smart, dont be a mean asshole and be nice to other people (especially kids) and animals and also be able to be fascinated by small things 

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

yikes

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

my current bf is 8 years older than me

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

how open and nice they are? Idk I always choose my ppl to hang out with according to this

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

even though I’m a switch I have a big preference for being the sub, so if someone can dominate me and yknow do stull like carry me princess style or something im all like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

everything that comes after kissing imo

64. What is your definition of cheating?

I think as soon as you try to pursue someone emotionally that already counts as cheating

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

kissing, grinding, I love when someone talks dirty to me

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

if it aint too much of a tmi i’d love to admit that we have a collar and a leash so (not thinking about pet play uughfjhjsdfkhsd, just yknow someone is able to drag me to them like this or being held in place while being taken from behind is p nice)

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

something something being outside in the nature and also good food 

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off?

super super wet kisses where also my nose somehow gets stuck in someone elses mouth Like dude r u a vacuum cleaner sdfhsdkjhfks

70. What turns you on?

being manhandled

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

idk I dont really have a lot of wet dreams and usually theyre not very kinky but rather sweet and slow 

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

I like dirty talk, so imma leave that open 

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

i love to get flowers, or lil stuff that reminds us of our friendship or something, self made/home made stuff is always !!!!!!!!!!!!

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

probably hands? I love it when girls have super slender hands and when boys have rough and big hands

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

I already answered that c:

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I have a few stories I’m proud of! But I really love this one: When I was little I grew up in a village in which like 300-400 people lived (maximum) and next to us lived this sweet older couple who always gave us sweets and vegetable for our parents, or they brought us stuff from when they went on vacation. The man is now constantly sick, he suffers from parkinson and you see the early statges of dementia setting in. A while ago he wanted to go and get the German version of fish and chips with his wife but due to him needing a ton of surgeriesw constantly he wasnt able to go out with his wife. When my mom told me this I was like wtf u cant just tell me this, I’m too soft. So I went and got fish and chips from the best market around us for him and flowers for his wife, despite the fact that I havent seen them in YEARS. When I arrived at their front door both of them hugged me and cried a bit

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

not bad if everything is consensual and if there’s a power balance thats equal 

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I think the leash thing is one of the kinkiest things we’ve ever done tbh

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

yesterday a bit when my bf went out wth friends and had a few beers while I was stuck at home with the thought that I can never have a beer again dkadfjahdf as stupid as that sounds but I always enjoyed these chill evenings with a beer and friends

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

this morning when I cuddled my cats :D

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

my bf and many videogame and anime characters, also my best female friend is hella attractive, also some of my friends are to die for

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

my bf!!

83. Who was your first kiss with?

my first bf sdfjsdfs

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

it didnt really work out, it seemed as he was more interested in saying “hey im in a relationship!” than in me, hah;;

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

yeah, sure

[bbunnylily]

brief note.

Disclaimer: just a woman share her past story. For some throwback moment, I don't really come out as a part of lgbt community, even in high school era. I don't feel that is necessary for me, since I got something fuck-worthy to figure out soon, named college. To be honest, I already coming in for myself since junior high school. I make time for my self, contemplating what I really been through and what should I do about that. I just like, or actually fell in love with my bff back then. I know I was gay when I realize recently, I actually put her photo as my facebook cover and also comment with other people that I really valuing this bff things (ehe, you know). The part that makes everything so counterintuitive is I always with boy since day one I experienced, so I don't have much time and energy with my s/o. I am being brainwashed with facts that lgbt community is a sinner, a contagious behavior and it should be punished whatever it takes. I don't believe in those facts, I know they (it's used to be 'we') are not less human than the rest of us. They are not a contagious disease that need to be stopped the spreading. They are human and they are valid for whatever they feel. For my idea of it, I got plenty of gay friends, I hear their story as well and asking what this world as in their perspective. I always try to be their safest place to stay. The beginning of 2019 hit me real hard. I learned a lot. It was starting when I know I had crush with the girl I used to go class with. I came to her and express my feeling genuinely. I am not the silent one when it comes to my feeling and what my heart wants. So, basically I started this relationship with her, I broke up with my five years worth boyfriend and start living my life in my own motto - no regrets. The love life was horrible and it's affect for both party. I will tell you simply what I feel and I don't mean to generalize them. I came with upper middle class family with no problematic parents and surrounding with helpful people, caring friends, and loyal boyfriend. Thankfully, it's a blessed circumstances for me. I maintain all the relationship maturely enough and I don't feel attacked in all parties. Unfortunately, I have a black-record on mental illnesses because I couldn't control my own mind for at least two years and I need to be treated. I started my first semester on junior year to learn about myself and its attached mess. When I already made so much effort, crawled to put my shit together at the end of first semester, life won't understand me easily. It gave me double hard rock at the beginning of year and I can't defeat this alone. Thanks to my best friends, they actually pull me up for this uncommon infinite loop of self absorbed and shamelessness. Back before enlightened version of me, I became a less merciful servant, least grateful person on earth, and also the first rank on being spoiled daughter. I feel so unnatural, bathed in everything I want but I don't feel happier. I felt stuck, this is not me. I don't have any spark on changing the world like I used to be. I don't dedicate enough time to pursue my passion. I don't put any interest on things like self growth, ethical eating, or sustainable lifestyle I used to be. I engulfed with entitlement. I used to think and feel as 'I am special snowflake falling in love with girl, against the odd, we're cool, we aren't less human, and you should know that'. The part of 'you should know that' really mean it. We think that God would understand and approve this artificially-beautiful relationship. We committed awful things shamelessly, I don't think about people's feeling. We made time for each other even though she will fail on her class and I am suffering from sleep deprivation because I need to make sure my grades are not surfing down at the same time I madly fell in love with her. We searched someone or some art to support our preference of love. She made me a beautiful lesbian art, I made her a lesbian love playlist. We were surfing on youtube, finding gay girlband, lgbtq+ allies that supports us no matter what cruel world do to us. We were escaping together, made a coping mechanism for untangled thread of college life. We spent our limited money to give each other gifts every single time we met. I even asked for double amount the monthly pocket money to treat her and my parents accepting my white lies. Simply, we were confused. I was the victim of pseudo-happiness and I was the servant of lust and temptation. One day, God gave me a turning point through my best friend. She always there with me when I met my girlfriend. She cried in front of me, when we were having lunch together, just two of us. "I don't want us (and all of my peer group) are going to suffer in hell because we failed to hold your hand, together for heaven." The clichè sentence she said to me were not change my lusty love for my girlfriend and she continues her sentence. "Do you want to see me burnt?" Tears coming down from both of my eyes. My heart already cracked slowly. My neck choked and my breath blocked. This is the feeling I craved for whole time, awe. She grab my shaked hands and look at me. I can't see her face, I am ashamed. I am totally repent from my sin at the time. I broke up with my gf and she blamed me for too-hear what people said and she never liked my best friend at all. My best friend knew that my gf don't like her and she's okay with that. One lesson I learned was I have such help from God through my best friends and I always feel thankful for the blessings. As the devil made for tempting us, made the forbidden one just as good as the real one, I actually came back and repeat my sin again for twice, with the same person. I already tidy up the mess I made and I promise to my gf that I won't involved any person in our private love life. So, we were doing same, but we commit things more horrible everything you can think of. I don't feel so good for the second time. I realized I am being denial but I don't know what. I keep accepting terrible facts for my consciousness but I don't know what they are. The black thing crippling through my skin, already infected my brain, but I'm dumb. I don't know what that feeling is. I can't reach any help from people and my friends I used to be, she will blame me twice. So, I need to defend myself all alone this time. One night I was in the middle of chatting with her, she told me her insecurity for being with me. "I was insecure that you have lovable family, caring best friends and loyal ex bf. I am insecure, I constantly comparing my self with your past ex. He can do anything for you, anything. He wrote your story, made a song for you and gained success with it. He fulfilled you with attention, loyalty, and material than me. He is the faithful one for you, balanced with your strong-willed treat. I just the gamer girl, don't have any long-term goals with shitty life. I buried myself with superficial things. So, what you chasing after me? What value you can gain for me?" My heatbeat stopped for one second, my brain freezed. This is the black thingy that crippled into my skin. It feels like I've peeled off from something that taped me tightly. Why I chase her? Do we need better than this? I know she feel shitty and I want to make things better for us. "I choose you because you taught me to chill out with life. I see you enjoy your life with all the mess you made, you gave me sort of happiness that simply anybody can't give to me." I felt horrible because deep down I lie to her but I can't make her worse. So, right now I just made the white lies and continue myself to pursue my dream. I actually tell her to do something, to help herself manage her feeling, I don't want to brag it, but the result it was same. She always back to daily preference for searching something that comfort her inner mess instead of really solve the problem for long term inner peace. I keep note for myself, I don't want to give a fuck with someone that doesn't do something about their own life to be better. She exploded and blame me for too-hear my ex's suggestions about life and ignore her. I just fed up with her, so I just say yes. Yes to all the premises she dump for me. I took the blame I could take. Don't mention all the block, unfollow, and 'hide' action she takes, I just want a breakfree for this attached rope. We broke up for the second time. Lesson that I ever learn for this one is stop paint on other people canvas if God already show their painting. Almost two months I never heard about her, I keep figure out what I need to do with my life. In the middle of noon, I was sick, she called me and I answer weakly. She was missed me and I kinda took it easy. I don't want to be blamed again for messing thing I feel I never do that. I just take her love and reply it back with no hard feeling. Friend need to love each other, right? I already move on from her, so whatever she does it doesn't affect me at all. I don't greet her, chat her regularly for weeks because I know that she's not fuck-worthy. I do care about her, she's free to tell me a story and I always hear it, but I don't want attached to her anymore. One night I'm in the middle of jinjer playlist on my youtube, writing animal structure for junior year dictates, she told me that I'm not a human being, I just cruel, egoistic, and cold hearted girl that don't think about her feeling. She was stalking through my instagram and find highlighted story with my ex when we are collaborating with some business project and I help him with the upcoming interviews. She blamed me for ruthlessly messed up with her feeling. I just can't stand it, and I need to reply all the blame she gave to me, and now I just have the courage to stand as myself, defend all my untapped dignity to keep her calm. At the end, everything I got just a 'cheater' title from her. Lesson I need to extract here is whatever other people said harsh thing to you, blame you for your weaknesses, don't let yourself throw pity party. Everyone has their side of anxious part and maybe my being just made her feel threatened. After almost one month, I already healed completely for all the torture, I am not obligated to her feeling. So, I went to Depok, makeover my rooms with our pictures hanging the walls of my bed. I send the snapchat and wholesome picture for her. She was making time for catching up with me. I was so happy I could meet her but at the end I express my feeling for her, I said I can do the sweet things without being attached to her, just like I treated all my friends. She neglected my goodwill and tell me I don't have to do that for her, but to be honest I treated her just like friends, no hard feeling and she can't take it. Simple lesson learned for this experience is whatever you do for mend the good and healthy relationship, be sure it will accepted maturely for both of parties involved. So, shout out for her my first and maybe the only girl I ever have the lovers relationship with. Please pray for her peacefulness upon all the mess and chaotic cloud everyday. I'm so sorry for all shameless acts we do and pray together for God's mercy. I pray we all find serendipity in our day with fulfilled heart and caring companionship whatever the battles we experienced through the day. Keep strong and always learn the lesson from our experiences and other's. May God forgive us all. Semoga yang sedang cemas, ditenangkan hatinya. Semoga yang sedang bingung, diteguhkan pendiriannya. Semoga yang sedang sendiri, dikuatkan langkahnya. Semoga yang berada dalam kegelapan, dibimbing jalannya menuju cahaya. Tuhan akan membantu, percayalah. Tuhan hendak melihat hamba-Nya bersusah payah, lelah, dan penat tertatih menuju jalan-Nya. Tuhan ingin melihat usaha hamba-Nya. Sekali, sekali, sekali, dan sekali lagi.

[puthyjuth]

i feel like a cuntaroonie and im going back and forth abt feeling bad abt this cus yesterday after like half a year of trying to be understanding and mind my business i had a serious talk with my housemate/friend because her trauma response of screaming and yelling at both her partner and her cat for small things affects me & the house dynamic (especially with quarantine) like i feel so bad for her cat who keeps jumping and banging at the door. and if the screaming was like once every few months or once a month like ok whatever but sometimes its like everyday for 3 weeks

i am 99% sure she has bpd, which absolutely doesn’t make her a bad person i have close friends with bpd and i do research for myself thats why i notice the similarities in symptoms but she has 0 coping mechanisms except league of legends (she mentioned) and constantly projects onto everyone through passive aggressiveness, actual aggressiveness (SCREAMING, not yelling, but SSScreaming), pretentiousness, and being dismissive/belittling and has mentioned several times in the past & in the conversation she doesnt care to change

i was really conflicted if i should even tell her bc im not her therapist and i dont want to force someone to have a conversation about healing when they are not ready to but i realized i needed to tell her for myself and also honestly for the everyone in the house and ultimately for her bc no one around her tells her anything but it affects literally everyone including the cats which is a whole other thing but i feel like i need to overextend myself and also constantly tiptoe and feel uncomfortable every time i was outside with them bc of the unspoken tension

throughout the conversation i constantly reminded her that her anger & trauma response of screaming was not her fault because she has a LOT of trauma that was inflicted on her bc of her being a short pretty asian woman in a field of mostly cishet incel men and her bf is also one but she has some degree of control of how she responds to it like if she feels like yelling she can just yell or say that shes really upset and wants to be passive aggressive etc but i also reminded her its ok if you are not ready to heal & thats not what im asking of u

while she was being reasonably defensive when i mentioned specifics of when things stress me out bc im sure there are things i dont know behind closed doors, i still see when she screams at the top of her lungs at her cat for sniffing an empty clay pot and how she calls him pathetic and a little bitch and just being really mean to him in a serious tone (cats pick up/understand to a degree on human language & communication) and when i played with him for a bit he was extremely jittery and she blames her bf for things hes allowed to do

like idk if this was the right response to handle my emotions but i honestly have been bottling this shit up for months and probably for a while even before living with her without a way to explain it but its really too much sometimes bc its gotten so far that i feel like i need to micromanage her cat even though thats not something i actually want to do but hes treated so differently when everyones in the same room (shes nice to him) but alone i can hear her screaming at him for the smallest shit. cus idgaf abt her relationship w her bf & im not meddling but at the very least like dont traumatize your cat esp as someone that told me “wow you really dont know anything about cats, huh?” like... you’re so mean to YOUR cat...

i told her im not asking you to heal but the most superficial thing im asking is to stop screaming & being mean to your cat and also to remember that her trauma is not her fault & her feelings of extreme anger and the need to scream is not her fault. its not, and shes allowed to feel like this and none of this is her fault, bc she always thinks people are trying to blame her for all the problems when its not, its literally a culmination of a bunch of shit for if she ever feels ready to heal in the future

it’ll probably be awkward in the house for a while, but the biggest reason im doing this for myself cuz even beyond the screaming & passive aggressive remarks, her cat literally learned how to open doors just to meow and try to get into our room like all the time but also i really do genuinely care for her & i honestly dont think anyone else in her life is actually all that validating to her and it makes her anger even worse and i feel like no one actually tells her that its ok for her to be angry

[neptunevasilias]

Ok so after many conversations with my bf on discord I think I’ve come up with enough to make this post. This post being about how team SSSN parallels team JNPR

First, there’s how the teams parallel each other as a whole. I’m probably not the first person to say this, but team CFVY parallels team RWBY in a lot of ways, and the flashbacks to beacon during the first book really explore those parallels. And when you take that and the second book into account, then team CFVY is to team RWBY is as team SSSN is to team JNPR. I once saw somebody say that Coco and Sun are like if Ruby and Jaune never met each other in their first year, and I agree with everything they said. And apart from both teams JNPR and SSSN being the deuteragonist teams of their stories, both have lost a member after Beacon(although for SSSN it was temporary) and have also taken in new members, Oscar and Nolan. There’s more parallels that you can look at on an individual level, though.

Sun -> Jaune

This is touched on in that post I linked. Both of them are the leaders of their team, but failed at that role at some point because they were more concerned with themselves and their problems than their team. Sun is going through a similar arc in before the dawn that Jaune went to in the show’s first two volumes. They also both neglected their teams for a girl, Jaune to try and woo Weiss and Sun to follow Blake.

Neptune -> Pyrrha

Ok, this is getting into specuative territory. But bear with me.

A big thing with Pyrrha, especially in volume 2, is that she gets a lot of surface level adoration but no one really cares about her, or even tries to get to know what she’s really like, so despite being a “beloved” public figure she’s incredibly lonely... until she meets her team and team RWBY.

What does this have to do with Neptune? Well, what makes these parallel is the attention they do (or don’t) get. Pyrrha got a lot of superficial attention that meant nothing, and before going to beacon didn’t really have anyone who actually cared about her. Neptune? Is described by Monty as having “about the presence of a chair.” Meaning people don’t really notice him. But he tries really hard to get that attention, but specifically he’s looking to get the kind of attention that Pyrrha has. While Pyrrha can tell from her experience of getting it that it’s not enough and you need a deeper connection with people, Neptune is actually averse to making those kinds of relationships. When confronted with a situation where someone (Weiss) would learn about an “unlikeable” part of himself (not being able to dance), he backs out of it entirely. He (thinks he) would much rather have the surface-level attention that Pyrrha gets, which he tries to get constantly by flirting. It’s after his conversation with Jaune during the Beacon Ball that he’s willing to form a meaningful relationship with Weiss like what Pyrrha has with all her friends. (Also, the conversations Jaune has with Pyrrha where she explains how lonely she is/was and the one he has with Neptune that ends with him convincing him to talk to Weiss are back to back.)

Scarlet -> Ren

We’re no longer in speculative territory but this is pretty much entirely going to be based on things from Before the Dawn.

Scarlet is concerned with being a capable huntsman who is prepared for the kind of job they’re training for, and for whatever may happen to them. This is even informed by his weapon choice: he mostly uses his sword, Darling, which doesn’t run on ammo, and the ammo he does for his gun, Hook, is regular bullets(which are presumably easier to get ahold of) instead of dust bullets, and Hook also has a function that doesn’t require ammo(the grappling hook). This makes it so that even if he runs out of ammo, he can replenish easily. And since he sparsely uses Hook anyway(he fires it one time in their Vytal Festival match in a blink-and-you-miss-it moment), even if he is stuck without ammo he can still fight near as well as he normally would.

He also looks to authority. When talking about dealing with the Crown, he says they should leave it to Theodore, Rumpole, and the Huntsmen they send to deal with it, because not only are they in charge but they are more experienced and more capable of/better equipped to deal with it.

This is all exactly what Ren’s like, especially in volumes 7 and 8. In volume 7 he trains tirelessly, trying to be good enough to take down Salem. He can’t figure out how they’re going to stop her, so he follows other people’s plans. In his eyes Ruby is still just a teenage girl, and he’d much rather follow whatever Ironwood’s plan is because he is more experienced and therefore, to Ren, the more capable person to follow. His reaction to Salem and the fall of Atlas is the same as Scarlet’s reaction to the Crown, but Ren’s situation is way more dire so he’s more upset(understatement), rather than just being irritated like Scarlet.

Sage -> Nora

Wow! I wish I could say anything here! Unfortunately, even after being in a book that he is on the front cover of, we still don’t know anything about his personality, let alone anything deeper than that. No, I’m not salty. Anyway, this is here more as a formality. Presumably, when we learn more about Sage, there’d be parallels you could draw between him and Nora.

Sooooo..... yeah. In summary, team SSSN(N) parallels team JNPR, specifically Sun parallels Jaune, Neptune paralllels Pyrrha, Scarlet parallels Ren, and presumably Sage parallels Nora. I think too much about this team ;-;

[rationalthings]

Hey. Jordy. Hey Jordy. Hey. Hey. All the numbers you haven’t done please 😊

Ugh you suck houses

1. Are looks important in a relationship?Based off of previous relationships, no 2. Are relationships ever worth it?I would like to think so, but so far no3. Are you a virgin?No lmao4. Are you in a relationship?No lmao 6. Are you single this year?Yes lmao7. Can you commit to one person?Absolutely 8. Describe your crushMmmm nah no thanks they know lmao ((also beautiful and amazing))9. Describe your perfect mateLike friend????? Idk someone that doesnt hate me lmao10. Do you believe in love at first sight?Lowkey yes but also nah bc thats ridiculous(br /> 12. Do you forgive betrayal?Constantly, it has backfired on me numerous times14. Do you have a crush on anyone?Hella lmao15. Do you have any piercings?Yeah, normal ear lobes and nose 16. Do you have any tattoos?Yep, triceratops on my thigh and a deathly hallows on the inside of my foot 17. Do you like kissing in public?Definitely, but not like so much that it grosses everyone out yknow 20. Do you shower every day?I shower after sport, so nearly every day i guess 23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?Definitely 24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?The aim is married by 26 so probably not 26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?I dont think so? 28. Have you ever been cheated on?No, not that i know of, thankfully 29. Have you ever cheated on someone?No 30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?Yes, considered getting smaller boobs so i can actually dance 31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?More times than I’d care to admit32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?Lmao so many times 33. Have you ever had sex with a man?Yes34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?Yes 35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?So many times lmao 36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?Yes lmao 37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?I dont think so? Maybe not approved of but not hated 38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?Yes lmao 39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yes lmao, everyone who hasnt wanted me ever lmao 41. Have you had sex so far this year?Yes 43. How long was your longest relationship?Just over 2 years 44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?2 boyfriends 45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?1 lmao 46. How many times did you have sex last year?Maybe like a 3 times? 47. How old are you?19 48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?Sounds about right lmao 49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?Don’t have one right at this moment 51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? So many people. Literally any of my friends, I’d do anything they wanted me to 52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?Yes, because they gave up on me first 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?No?? 54. Is there someone you will never forget?Yes, so many 55. Share a relationship story.God idk, i dont really have any stories that arent mildly sad. I guess the reason my last bf and i started dating is because he made really good banana bread?? 56. State 8 facts about your body8??!! So many idkI’m 5 foot 5, chubby, blue hair, brown eyes, hips dont work, back is constantly sore, wonky eyebrows, button nose 58. What are five ways to win your heart?Idk just attention and actually liking me i dont need anything else 59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)Ugh there are pictures on my tagged/me or whatever i have tagged. I havent changed other than in hair colour in about 5 years 60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?3 years between me and a boyfriend 61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?How kind they are 62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?Honestly I’m a sucker for absent minded running of fingers down my back/leg etc 63. What is your definition of “having sex”?Idk honestly, still trying to figure that out 64. What is your definition of cheating?When you’re emotionally involved with someone else or have become emotionally uninvolved with your partner i think 66. What is your favourite roleplay?Idk I’ve never tried any?? 67. What is your idea of the perfect date?Being with someone who actually likes my company lmao. I dont mind what activity it is 68. What is your sexual orientation?Bisexual 70. What turns you on?Turning someone else on 71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?Honest to god i dont think I’ve ever had a wet dream i remember 72. What words do you like to hear during sex?Idk my name i guess, that they’re enjoying it or something idk I’m too inexperienced lmao 73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?Idk, like me for a start, that’d be nice 74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?As in like that i want in a partner?????? Idk I’d just like to not date terrible people? 77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?Depends on the relationship 78. What’s your dirtiest secret?Idk man I’ll tell anyone anything if they ask 79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?God idk constantly of every friend i ever have talking to someone else, I’m v insecure lmao ((i have gotten better though i stg)) 80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Literally seconds ago, i tell everyone as much as i can 81. Who are five people you find attractive?God idk most people i know are attractive wtf 82. Who is the last person you hugged?Sister i think?? It was a pity hug bc I’m still drunk lmao 83. Who was your first kiss with?My first boyfriend 84. Why did your last relationship fail?Because i realised i needed more and deserved more than i was getting 85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?Likeeeeeeeeee idk probably not honestlyStill v drunk, pls message if you want explanation lmaoooooooo