#my best friend of 6 years. she. she doesn't want me to wrote her because she knows dang well I'd make her LI messed up 😭–

[h50europe]

8.06 post mortem - Buck/Tommy - General - 9-1-1 Zombified

Many of us wondered why a cut emergency case from episode 7.04 was used. A novelty and if you look closely, you'll notice that the characters appeared very different from how they did in the rest of season 8, and the scenes felt erratic. This inconsistency is reminiscent of the writing from Andrew Meyers, who also wrote episode 7.04. However, in that episode, he had a co-writer who was clearly more talented. Episode 8.06 was poorly written compared to 7.04. Alone the scene in the beginning. Buck could have pointed out that this chick was interrupting the date he had with his boyfriend. Tommy then mentioned the Kinsey scale

Our walking encyclopedia had no idea what his boyfriend was talking about. Seriously? Also, Buck doesn't want to buy a present for their 6-month anniversary, and Tommy gives him 2 Lakers baseball cards and awkwardly mentions that Buck could go with Eddie? Is this dinner supposed to be romantic? Well, they could have gone to McDonalds. Meyers should have consulted his co-writer at this point; we're heading straight for disaster. Then Tim had this wonderful idea with Abby and thought it was hilarious. The guy's humour isn't just weird, it's kind of crude. Abby never mentioned that she went out with another guy from the 118. Isn't that weird? No one ever knew about it? Not Hen, not Chim? For two years? Did Tommy keep her locked in his basement? This plot is so poorly constructed that it's cringe-worthy at best. And that's when Himbo's jaw hit the floor… along with the audience.

The only good scene was Josh's GLEE speech. And I may be reading between the lines, but I felt that the way Josh talked about post and past GLEE and how Buck can't blame Tommy for his actions because times were different was a wink and a nod to the haters. I really had the impression that this was a cunning move to address why Tommy was who he was back then and why he has changed now.

But seconds later I nearly choked on my drink, and I can tell you it's orgasmic when a sip of Pepsi comes out of your nose, when Maddie said, "She wondered how many men Abby had turned gay." Because I was chatting to a friend before I watched the episode and I almost said the same thing. I live in Europe, so I watched it the next day, knowing what was coming, but nothing about that particular scene. Which, frankly, was terrible.

Forgive me for ignoring the emergencies in this episode. They were repetitive, to say the least, just with different protagonists.

So far we have a recycled episode, a recycled ex, a recycled emergency and a recycled scenario, Maddy is pregnant (hooray). It begins to reek of decay.

Brownie points to those who aren't already traumatised or bored to death. Now for the highlight: Tommy shows up at Buck's apartment in a great mood. He is looking forward to a date with his friend and hot sex as the icing on the cake (that's what I had in mind). Tommy gets suspicious when Buck asks him to sit down. It doesn't take long before he pulls out his phone and shows his friend photos of Abby and a younger Buck. This is followed by an awkward explanation of why he didn't share the news in the restaurant, and Tommy's reaction is a little awkward too. But this is only the overture to the worst retconning I have seen on television in a long time. The coincidence is swept under the carpet in the blink of an eye, and now it gets creepy.

Compare the scene in the coffee shop with this one. It has the same structure, bit by bit. Buck invites Tommy to the wedding in the coffee shop, and Tommy says, "What?" Here it is: "I want you to move in with me." We have a mashup of the first kiss and the coffee shop scene, and Oliver plays it similarly. The worst part is when Tommy turns into his zombie version. Excellently played by Lou. No doubt about it. He gave it his all. He maimed that shitty script, which felt like Meyers had raided AO3, picked the worst written fics and went for the most cringe-worthy insult he could find for a bisexual. "I was your first, but I won't be your last." Hello? This topic only comes to Tommy's mind after he is asked to move in together? I was expecting "I can't move in with you because I wouldn't know where to put my car lift and Muay Thai studio". No, it's because all the trust and love Tommy put in Buck is wiped out by the retconning of Tommy's personality. He succumbs to total chaos. This is not the Tommy we met in S7 and certainly not the one we met in 8.05. Fuck me! It didn't make sense. We would have needed a lot more background information ON SCREEN to make it believable. A scene from Tommy's past. Who hurt him so badly? It wasn't Abby. She only managed to traumatise Buck. Was it after he met Abby? Was it another guy?

Hello writers, are you still in your right mind? We have no clues. Neither the loyal fans and certainly not the new ones. You're reducing a character to a sad laughing stock. You rob him of all his merits, which you had Buck recite like a poem in school. And then you expect us to believe it? You steamroll over everything that's been painstakingly built up to this episode? It's actually convenient, I let the whole relationship run off screen. We don't see any flying lessons together, no training together, no cosy get-togethers in front of the TV, no exchange of affection, nothing. It's all headcanon. Guys, I've seen shows and movies where a sequence like this lasted five minutes and you knew where the couple stood. Maybe a flashback or two into Tommy's past would have helped. But no, instead the audience had to put up with the same old nonsense. A ridiculous story about an urn, a guy who sneezes and his intestines fall out, a kid who doesn't fall down a drain but slips down a pipe. They give us nothing, but we're supposed to believe everything, retconning is so great. If any of us wrote fanfiction like that, we'd be banned from AO3. And as if that wasn't enough, Tommy stands up and says, "Believe me, I didn't see this coming either. Tell me, were you on drugs when you were writing? There are a thousand ways to respond sensibly to "Let's move in together" without turning it into such a dumpster fire. The crowning glory of all this madness is when Tommy says "I'll see you around Buck" instead of Evan (the same words he said to Evan when he left him standing outside the restaurant on their first date). Where did that come from? It's as if Tommy had lost all respect for his lover, or as if he wanted to punch him in the face while he was already on the ground. We, the viewers, also had this feeling. And Tommy's behaviour was completely disturbed. I wonder if he checked himself into a mental facility right after that.

I won't say anything about the rest of the episode because I'm a polite person.

Conclusion: Please take the pen away from this lunatic and never let him write anything again or give him a co-writer like in 7.04. The guy is totally unhinged.

Extra brownies, you made it!

[throwaway-yandere]

Hi! Very late but i just wanted to congratulate you on your follower milestone!

Feels a bit weird when I'm not a follower myself but haha. Your type of yanderes aren't what I'm really into, but I still periodically check on your blog like some ghost stuck to a place bc your writing is really really good and i absolutely adore how creative your ideas are. Speaking of which, i really love how you handled the matchups! They're still made for a certain person but so open that they're also accessible to everyone else, which isn't something I've ever seen before but definitely seems the best way to go about it.

I'm super curious to see how your series will progress and all the other unique ideas you'll come up with in the future (and sometimes just reading the anon interactions, as a Frequent Visitor and really socially awkward person I'm like the physical manifestation of the word "lurker", but it's really a bit like watching a friend group interact and have fun which really warms my heart. It's just super good vibes!)

Please remember to look after yourself, get enough nutrition and rest. And hope you don't mind me haunting this blog a little longer :p

Hey don't feel scared to interact even if you're not following!!! I adore asks lololololol, it makes writing worth it. Feel free to stick around!!! But like how I start most my fics, if you're not in a mentally well state it's best to avoid these!

I'll be honest, I would NEVER hang out with any of the yanderes I've written except for SPK!Childe & Thoma and HysHum!Dainsleif. I think the only "soft" yanderes I wrote are those three.

Childe just wanna fish & Thoma just wants to listen whenever the reader rants about their problems. Then there's Dainsleif, who's sane but is one chip away from losing his marbles because his reader is about to turn Teyvat upside down lmao.

The rest? They're all insufferable meow meows <333 Other than the three I mentioned whenever I write about these yanderes I keep slandering them in my head <333 it's so much fun <333 okay i lied dain's not an exception I still insulted him in my hyshum drafts <3333–

I'm not sure if it's incredibly obvious in my writing but I'm asexual and quite possibly aro, so I think I "excel" more on the "yan" side than the "dere" since romance isn't my forte. I mainly write for the horror so I don't expect people to come to me because they're into the yanderes I've written but more on the story (... I'd be a bit concerned but won't question if you're into stuff like cannibal!cat!ayato and horse feeder!diluc). That's why everytime I post I don't expect anything AND IT'S VERY MUCH THE REASON WHY I'M CONFUSED THAT THIS BLOG IS STILL ALIVE. THIS WAS MEANT TO BE A THROWAWAY ACCOUNT–

I'm not sure if I'm making sense lol but that's pretty much my two cents on that so I wholeheartedly understand if my yans aren't your cup of tea! They're not mine too– I want to bury them all with my hatchet!!! <333 I want them to go to therapy!!! Eat lasagna!!! Play farming games!!! Literally just don't bother (y/n) anymore 😭!!!

About the event: I was genuinely hoping for match-ups set up like this because there's some sort of "togetherness" in it?? Hold on I just woke up cuz I accidentally slept while reviewing for Algebra when writing this so I'll probably rewrite this draft or something if I'm not lazy lol. It's just that I like it when readers are characters I can add some quirks and details to (of course, cept for things like physical descriptions and what not) since it makes pairing them with a yandere more natural. And you know what? I'm super glad the anons are all very nice and interesting huhu. They truly make the event more alive!!!

I adore otome games and trust me, almost everyone in r/otome_games prefer an MC who has a personality rather than an eyeless self-insert too lol. Much like there's no such thing as "absolute justice", I believe you can't have a "perfect self-insert" fic either because not everyone shares the same mold. It's just not as entertaining to me when the reader is silent so I guess that reflects on my writing too ;;--;;. It's just too much fun pulling up an mbti and going "ah yes, I'm using this type."

Anyways, yeah!!! Is it bad if I'm satisfied about how I set it up as well haha it feels like my 1 braincell was actually put to use ;;----;;;

Oh sht i ended up rambling my bad umm tHANK YOU!!! Haha it feels strange celebrating this milestone and I appreciate your kind words!!!

(out of curiosity, is there something I can call you? Like "lurker anon" or something haha)

[iwillnotdieamonster]

"This is a beautiful letter from Fiona Apple explaining to her fans why she must postpone a concert date. I am impressed at the way she was instantly able to make the decision to choose love over her career. Indeed, the world needs more of this.

It's 6pm on Friday, and I'm writing to a few thousand friends I have not met yet. I'm writing to ask them to change our plans and meet a little while later.

Here's the thing.

I have a dog, Janet, and she's been ill for about 2 years now, as a tumor has been idling in her chest, growing ever so slowly. She's almost 14 years old now. I got her when she was 4 months old. I was 21 then — an adult, officially — and she was my kid.

She is a pitbull, and was found in Echo Park, with a rope around her neck, and bites all over her ears and face.

She was the one the dogfighters use to puff up the confidence of the contenders.

She's almost 14 and I've never seen her start a fight, or bite, or even growl, so I can understand why they chose her for that awful role. She's a pacifist.

Janet has been the most consistent relationship of my adult life, and that is just a fact. We've lived in numerous houses, and joined a few makeshift families, but it's always really been just the two of us.

She slept in bed with me, her head on the pillow, and she accepted my hysterical, tearful face into her chest, with her paws around me, every time I was heartbroken, or spirit-broken, or just lost, and as years went by, she let me take the role of her child, as I fell asleep, with her chin resting above my head.

She was under the piano when I wrote songs, barked any time I tried to record anything, and she was in the studio with me, all the time we recorded the last album.

The last time I came back from tour, she was spry as ever, and she's used to me being gone for a few weeks, every 6 or 7 years.

She has Addison's Disease, which makes it more dangerous for her to travel, since she needs regular injections of Cortisol, because she reacts to stress and excitement without the physiological tools which keep most of us from literally panicking to death.

Despite all this, she's effortlessly joyful & playful, and only stopped acting like a puppy about 3 years ago. She is my best friend, and my mother, and my daughter, my benefactor, and she's the one who taught me what love is.

I can't come to South America. Not now. When I got back from the last leg of the US tour, there was a big, big difference.

She doesn't even want to go for walks anymore.

I know that she's not sad about aging or dying. Animals have a survival instinct, but a sense of mortality and vanity, they do not. That's why they are so much more present than people.

But I know she is coming close to the time where she will stop being a dog, and start instead to be part of everything. She'll be in the wind, and in the soil, and the snow, and in me, wherever I go.

I just can't leave her now, please understand. If I go away again, I'm afraid she'll die and I won't have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out.

Sometimes it takes me 20 minutes just to decide what socks to wear to bed.

But this decision is instant.

These are the choices we make, which define us. I will not be the woman who puts her career ahead of love & friendship.

I am the woman who stays home, baking Tilapia for my dearest, oldest friend. And helps her be comfortable & comforted & safe & important.

Many of us these days, we dread the death of a loved one. It is the ugly truth of Life that keeps us feeling terrified & alone. I wish we could also appreciate the time that lies right beside the end of time. I know that I will feel the most overwhelming knowledge of her, and of her life and of my love for her, in the last moments.

I need to do my damnedest, to be there for that.

Because it will be the most beautiful, the most intense, the most enriching experience of life I've ever known.

When she dies.

So I am staying home, and I am listening to her snore and wheeze, and I am revelling in the swampiest, most awful breath that ever emanated from an angel. And I'm asking for your blessing.

I'll be seeing you.

Love,

Fiona"

Credit goes to the respective owners.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Eddie Diaz's "Ghost of a Second Chance"

IMO, in 7x7, Eddie Diaz will have a chance to see or hear how the life he always believed he was "supposed" to have with a wife and kids is not the life he's been WANTING. Based on his heart eyes and the way he's used Chris as a shield for his heart, his ideal life includes a husband (Buck) and their son (Chris).

Be clear, I ONLY SHIP BUDDIE!

I waited to post this because when season 7 started, it was unclear where the show was going to take Eddie's storyline and it appears the redirection of it that happened prior to 7x4 and 7x5 was not the original plan since it's been confirmed via interviews that Eddie was supposed to be with T*mmy instead of Buck. Also, now that it's confirmed Shannon Diaz will make a return in a future season 7 episode as either a ghost or a hallucination or whatever for Eddie, I decided I was ready to post this.

At the end of season 6 when Eddie asked Maris*l out on a date, I thought about the way the narrative has always shown Shannon is the only person who can help Eddie understand Chris doesn't need another mother. He's been carrying the weight and guilt of their relationship around with him for years because he thought him going to the Army broke her when in fact, they were two broken teenagers who were in over their heads and they were so busy trying to mimic the lives they saw Eddie's parents living that they never discussed what either of them wanted out of life.

Unpopular Opinion: Eddie and Shannon were NOT this perfect high school aged Romeo and Juliet type of romantic couple some people keep trying to make them out to be because the truth is they weren't soulmates and they weren't compatible. While it's true they were best friends, they were never on the same page and they didn't know how to communicate. Instead of talking to each other, all they did was argue and have sex but matured relationships consist of more than just sex, hence the 7x5 depiction of Eddie's relationship with Maris*l. They don't know each other and the episode title, "You don't know me" confirmed it.

Full Disclosure: I'm not a Shannon Diaz fan and it has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH BUDDIE! It's strictly because she ABANDONED Chris, her biological son and the fact that she was a teen mother doesn't have anything to do with it because it does NOT excuse her behaviors. Teenage girls who were/are younger than her don't/didn't run out on their kids just because they need/needed time. If she didn't want to be with Eddie anymore that's fine but to leave and not attempt to contact her son for almost two years was NOT ok. She wrote Chris a letter that she wasn't even sure she would send but what happened to a phone call or her sending him a "Hey Chris, I love you and I miss you" email? Even back then there were too many ways she could have contacted him but the CANON FACTS are SHE CHOSE NOT TO. If Eddie wouldn't have called her to interview at Durand she would have stayed gone. Don't get it twisted because she was getting ready to leave Chris again so people should stop romanticizing their relationship and truthfully, so does Eddie. For CANON proof of these claims, all viewers have to do is LISTEN to the things she said to him in 2x17 when they were at the beach and when they were at the restaurant.

Eddie's my favorite character but he's not blameless in any of this either and by his own admission to Buck in 2x10, he left them first. But the difference is he made the DECISION to leave El Paso so he could provide a better life for him and his son even though his toxic mother, Helena (I'm not including Ramon because he had a redemption arc) offered to take Chris from him. He could have left Chris there but HE DIDN'T. He even told Shannon that being Chris' father taught him more about being a man than war ever could.

One last thing, Shannon and Maddie ARE NOT THE SAME! Maddie didn't abandon Jee-Yun, she left because she thought she was a danger to her and she went to get help. She wasn't in Boston galivanting around, shopping and partying like it was 1999, she went to a center for women to figure out what was wrong with her and why she felt like she did then she continued with therapy.

Now back to the regularly scheduled program...

While I don't like Shannon's actions, I do believe she's probably the only person who can help Eddie understand that he doesn't have to marry a "woman" to be happy. Why do I believe this? Well, they were best friends and they were married which means she knows things about Eddie that no one else does. She was the first woman he "pulled" away from and since they were separated for a long time while he was in the Army and after she left them, it's likely she figured some things out about what he really wants that neither of them was ready to confront.

Since 2x1, Eddie's story has been told in bits and pieces and while a lot of people romanticized what he had with her, I didn't because they were young and neither one of them knew what they wanted. Did he love her? He said he did but IMO he loved her as much as an 18-year-old could but I don't believe he was in love with her. Did she love him? She said she did but just like him, based solely on her actions, she didn't know what love was either.

Reminder, the only reason Eddie proposed they reconcile in 2x17 was because she thought she was pregnant again. He said he was looking for a sign and he thought her begin pregnant was it but before that he didn't want to do it. If you don't believe it, rewatch 2x17 and LISTEN to the conversation he had with Bobby. Bobby was the one who told him he would be a great dad to a second child but Eddie wasn't so sure. At dinner, when Shannon said, "I'm not pregnant", he paused then responded, "That doesn't change anything" but she rebutted with, "It does for me".

It appears she finally admitted to him that the life they were trying to live was NOT the one either of them wanted but he wasn't ready to admit it. He was using Chris as a shield like he always does and he was hoping her love for their son would be enough for them to reconcile and continue doing whatever they were doing. He said something similar to Ana when he broke up with her in 5x3. He said, "Chris loves you so much" but he never said he did and now he's trying to figure out where Maris*l fits since she babysat twice while he was flying in helicopters going to fight matches in Las Vegas and to karaoke with TK.

Believe it or not, Shannon was getting ready to leave again. If she wasn't then she wouldn't have brought up the letter she wrote to Chris. Also, she said she was still learning how to be someone's mother (notice she didn't say Chris' mother she said someone's) and she said maybe someday, she could learn how to be somebody's wife (not Eddie's wife but somebody's). Furthermore, when they were at the beach, she asked Eddie, "Is that all I am to you, Christopher's mother?" but he responded, "Shannon?" and deflected the conversation. Then she said if that's what it is then it's ok. She proceeded and asked him what he wanted and all he said was "All of this" with a hand wave out towards the ocean. He never admitted what he wanted and it appears the reason was because he didn't want to say.

In 2x7, while they were arguing, Eddie asked her, "What didn't I give you?" and her response was "You!" Therefore, Eddie always kept a piece of himself away from her and she admitted it to him but he wanted it to work probably for the wrong reasons.

REMINDER: In 2x17, Shannon was the one who said they needed to get a DIVORCE! She knew they needed to move on but Eddie was the one who said, "But we're still married". It appears he was the one trying to hold onto the life he believed they were supposed to have and I think it goes back to the example he saw from his parents.

Here's the thing, in 6x16, Eddie admitted he didn't propose to Shannon, he just said, "Let's get married" after they found out she was pregnant. They were best friends in high school and they started an instant family that neither of them were ready for. When she abruptly died, he didn't have a chance to discuss all the things they'd left unsaid. That's why Shannon has to be the one to tell him that it's ok for him to want who he wants. Who's that? BUCK!

Shannon vs. Buck

Please understand the show has illustrated it time and time again that Eddie wants to marry Buck so they can raise Chris together. If that wasn't the case, then Buck wouldn't have been included in Eddie's flashbacks in 3x15 while he was trapped in the well as many times as he was. He was shown with Chris more than anyone else which means Eddie thinks about the life he wants to have with Buck A LOT!

Additionally, in 7x1, Buck, Eddie and Shannon all sat on Chris' bed in the same spot to illustrate how they're his three parents while the babysitter (Maris*l) was nowhere to be found (related post linked here).

Also, Shannon's romantic relationship with Eddie and her parental one with Chris were constantly contrasted with the relationships Eddie and Chris have with Buck and Buck has always been shown to be the perfect match for Eddie. Reminder, he agreed to have Buck's back in 2x1 but Shannon told him in 2x7 that he never had her back.

Eddie needs to HEAR he can move on from the first person he married from someone other than the people who've been saying it to him. Also, in the past, someone's ALWAYS told him what to do regarding his relationships. He was "strongly encouraged" to marry Shannon because he got her pregnant. His parents and Bobby told him it was time to move on from her in season 4 (YES! His parents did too because reminder, they stopped by their house to eat on their way back to L.A. after they left Austin, TX [in the LS crossover episode, Eddie said it to Judd] and two episodes later, in 4x6, Bobby told him he needed to move on). Then in 6x14, Tia Pepa pushed him to start dating again even though he tried to tell her he wasn't ready.

The point of this post is Shannon is probably the ONLY person who can show or tell Eddie that the life he thought they should have had, wouldn't have ever been because there would have always been someone or something that was pulling him away from her the same way it did when they were married 👀.

It appears Shannon will be Eddie's "Ghost of a Second Chance" but the question is, will her reappearance as a ghost or whatever for the second time in season 7 help Eddie admit the person he's in love with is Buck? Only the showrunner, writers and producers know the answer to that question.

[kaybreezy3000]

----------------------------------------------------

Sometimes your fanfic best friend gives you a shout out in an anon ask reply, and then you get excited and make your quickest Five fanart and first-time sort of animation based on a pairing she mentioned and that you wrote years ago. 😄

Link to Bad Kitty's ask

Link to my other art and stories on Tumblr

Link to my long read/3-part Five Centric TUA story with Five paired with a character similar to the one above (and yes-she has Harley Quinn vibes but don't worry if you don't like her-she is not her, I just borrowed some of her wild and fun and qualities. 😉)

------

Updated note added late 6/28/24 after a continuous thread of harassing comments from one user that now has been blocked. No this is not 'AI' made or traced like that person repeatedly said it was. I did not steal someone else's art like they accused me of with no back up other than ripping me apart with more mean comments about what looks so bad about this. They also said my other art posts are 'AI,' and that I have no drawing skill or understanding of how clothes fold.

The AI accusation is a very mean thing to say and it's happening to so many people on here and in the actual profession art world. I do agree that I am not great at art or writing but that doesn't mean I am using AI and claiming it's mine. It's very sad that people feel the need to attack art in this way when it's clearly not even good like mine.

This picture/animation was done with me doing a very bad, very fast sketch, and then hardly correcting my lines before I quickly color filled the drawing that I MADE based off the fact that I have drawn Five in a suit more times than I can count and I have basic drawing skills, not great skills but basic. The reason the hard lines are both gray and black in some spots is because I went in after to correct stuff like gaps that needed to be filled for color filling and I did that in a different layer with black rather than the gray I used the first time. It's an error but one I was aware of but didn't care about because this was supposed to be fast and messy.

So yeah... this is NOT TRACED, and from what it was supposedly traced or 'stollen' from, I have no idea what this user thought that was because they never backed that up with some image that they seem so sure I used. This was based on Five with one of my original characters, so that image they claim I stole didn't exist until I made it.

I'm just trying to have fun with my friends on here while learning to draw better digitally. I am not an artist, and I definitely don't get paid or try to make people support me.

To those like the user who did this, please just chill with the mean comments and be kind to art makers on here and writers and all content posters. If you don't like something ignore it or keep your negativity inside instead of spreading hateful intentions and saying things that are not true about people and their work or their ideas.

Sorry to go off about that on here when it was just supposed to be silly and fun, but this stuff isn't okay and needs to be shut down. I am not always going to post 'proof' pictures of my works in process. I have done that before, but it's not what this is about for me, so I don't even think to do it normally. I have other art posts on AO3 with hand drawn stuff so I figure I don't need to prove I can draw. If someone wants proof, it isn't hard to find it through my posts.

I know most people are only here just for the fun stuff and let's have more of that. ❤️ Peace and love to you all.

[bigforeheadbaddie]

Fiona Apple when she has to opt out of performing for personal reasons:

“It's 6pm on Friday, and I'm writing to a few thousand friends I have not met yet.

I am writing to ask them to change our plans and meet a little while later.

Here's the thing.

I have a dog Janet, and she's been ill for almost two years now, as a tumor has been idling in her chest, growing ever so slowly. She's almost 14 years old now.I got her when she was 4 months old. I was 21 then ,an adult officially – and she was my child.

She is a pitbull, and was found in Echo Park, with a rope around her neck, and bites all over her ears and face.

She was the one the dogfighters use to puff up the confidence of the contenders.

She's almost 14 and I've never seen her start a fight ,or bite, or even growl, so I can understand why they chose her for that awful role. She's a pacifist.

Janet has been the most consistent relationship of my adult life, and that is just a fact.

We've lived in numerous houses, and jumped a few make shift families, but it's always really been the two of us.

She slept in bed with me, her head on the pillow, and she accepted my hysterical, tearful face into her chest, with her paws around me, every time I was heartbroken, or spirit-broken, or just lost, and as years went by, she let me take the role of her child, as I fell asleep, with her chin resting above my head.

She was under the piano when I wrote songs, barked any time I tried to record anything, and she was in the studio with me all the time we recorded the last album.

The last time I came back from tour, she was spry as ever, and she's used to me being gone for a few weeks every 6 or 7 years.

She has Addison's Disease, which makes it dangerous for her to travel since she needs regular injections of Cortisol, because she reacts to stress and to excitement without the physiological tools which keep most of us from literally panicking to death.

Despite all of this, she's effortlessly joyful and playful, and only stopped acting like a puppy about 3 years ago.

She's my best friend and my mother and my daughter, my benefactor, and she's the one who taught me what love is.

I can't come to South America. Not now.

When I got back from the last leg of the US tour, there was a big, big difference

She doesn't even want to go for walks anymore.

I know that she's not sad about aging or dying. Animals have a survival instinct, but a sense of mortality and vanity, they do not. That's why they are so much more present than people.

But I know that she is coming close to point where she will stop being a dog, and instead, be part of everything. She'll be in the wind, and in the soil, and the snow, and in me, wherever I go.

I just can't leave her now, please understand.

If I go away again, I'm afraid she'll die and I won't have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out.

Sometimes it takes me 20 minutes to pick which socks to wear to bed.

But this decision is instant.

These are the choices we make, which define us.

I will not be the woman who puts her career ahead of love and friendship.

I am the woman who stays home and bakes Tilapia for my dearest, oldest friend.

And helps her be comfortable, and comforted, and safe, and important.

Many of us these days, we dread the death of a loved one. It is the ugly truth of Life, that keeps us feeling terrified and alone.

I wish we could also appreciate the time that lies right beside the end of time.

I know that I will feel the most overwhelming knowledge of her, and of her life and of my love for her, in the last moments.

I need to do my damnedest to be there for that.

Because it will be the most beautiful, the most intense, the most enriching experience of life I've ever known.

When she dies.

So I am staying home, and I am listening to her snore and wheeze, and reveling in the swampiest, most awful breath that ever emanated from an angel.

And I am asking for your blessing.I'll be seeing you.

Love, Fiona”

—���—————————————————————

Chappell Roan when she gets flamed on the internet for claiming to have done her research and then promptly mispronounces the current Vice President’s (very simple) name:

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for bringing up old family drama to my forgetful grandmother?

So, atm I'm taking care of my grandmother (95) and have done so for, 4 years and she keeps trying to tell me how horrible of a mother my mom is, for years.

Backstory, I never actually knew my grandparents on my dads side, but after my grandfather passed I've been the sole caretaker. And since I can't drive my moms been the one doing all the shopping.

My dad refuses to do anything. (Like won't even take his mother to a doc appointment (its my mom) My grandmother doesn't like me (but likes the help) and she despise my mom.

The thing is, my moms always had a gay best friend since middle school, even have family photos of us with him.

Recently found out the reason my grandmother hates my mom is because she was convinced my mom was having an affair with this gay best friend. (When my parents first married)

The thing is, my dad can do absolutely nothing wrong. When I was about 6, my entire family was alerted we might have aids because my dads mistress wrote in her s**ide note that my dad gave her aids.

So my dad broke the news to my mom by taking her to my grandparents house and telling my mom the news in front of them.

Thankfully it wasnt true. But now my grandma "doesn't remember" and saying it can't be true and my moms a liar. (My mom told me this when I was 7 (as why I needed to get tested)

Want to add, my dads never hugged me, never given me a gift, and has never wished me a happy birthday my entire life.

Now my grandmother is going to ask my dad about it (I don't think he knew I knew)

Am I the asshole for bringing this all up? Should I have just kept my mouth shut?

What are these acronyms?

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Who Ya Gonna Call?

This is going to be a rambling mental health dump about yesterday. Be warned.

So yesterday afternoon I watched Ghostbusters, my all time favorite movie, that I saw for the first time when I was 6 in 1984, and have seen likely hundreds of times since then, with a friend I've had for several years now who is at least as old as me, who had NEVER seen it. I fucking love watching this movie, especially with people who are seeing it for the first time. My son leaves the room when I watch it because, "Mom it's honestly weird that you know every single word of dialogue." My friend commented on that too, even watching it 'together' long distance and communicating via text. I can't help it. I love it. She asked me why I love it so much. I didn't want to write her a full length doctoral dissertation on Ghostbusters while she was actively watching it with me for her first viewing, but here will be a long essay about a couple of the reasons I love it so much today. I wrote an essay before about how I love that the Ghostbusters are good men, about how even cocky, wryly comedic, womanizing Pete Venkman (Bill Murray) reveres informed consent. I've written about how much J is like Egon Spengler. Some folks have heard me talk about how this movie connects me to A, who's my best friend who passed away last December (You want me to get REAL emotional and sappy, talk to me about Ghostbusters Afterlife. That's obviously about both the afterlife and Egon Spengler. That's like ...a lot. But that's another whole essay. I'm sure I could have just a Ghostbusters blog.)

Today I'm gonna write about 2 things though that no one really thinks about when they see Ghostbusters and one of them is HYPER specific, and it will probably only land if someone else reading this is a freakish super fan like me. But here we go.

At the very beginning of Ghostbusters, Pete Venkman is doing a 'psychological experiment' as a professor at Columbia University, where he claims to be studying, 'the effects of negative reinforcement on ESP (extra sensory perception) ability.' The comedy is that his experiment is shit because he's skewing results in favor of a pretty girl he's trying to pick up. But if you pay attention to the scene his actual results are showing that negative reinforcement improves ESP ability. The poor student getting the mild electric shock on the incorrect guesses, does get one right after 4 misses. And while I can't name the card you pull out of a deck without looking at it, or actually read minds, nor did I ever get actual electric shocks or other physical pain-type negative reinforcement growing up, the subtle negative reinforcement I did constantly get from my family except my grandparents essentially trained me to fucking figure out from whatever you can observe and feel in your space how to navigate it and make a guess at what people need or expect from you in order to avoid that. In my case...I think the negative reinforcement enhanced my 'ESP ability,' for better or worse. I've had many people in my life straight up ask me if I was psychic before. I'm not. I just have a trauma history that makes me so hyper aware of other people's feelings and needs that I can fairly accurately project and predict what they'll do and say a lot of the time. And the closer I am emotionally to that person/the more time I spend with them, the better I get at it. I like that part of Ghostbusters.

And the other piece I want to rant about is the silly commercial they make for the business that ends with the line, "We're ready to believe you," and of course, the catchphrase, "Who ya gonna call?" I'm an honest person. I don't lie. But that doesn't mean I'm always believed. My feelings and needs for attention and affection were ignored, denied, and negated often by pretty much everyone in my life except for my grandparents, A, J, my son(mostly), and some online friends. I don't trust them all the time either. It goes back to all that negative reinforcement and overused and overly relied upon ESP ability. Actually, I don't even trust myself a lot of the time, even though I'm not a dishonest person, especially if I'm thinking or feeling something good or hopeful. My default about people I love and want to trust, and even about my own feelings is, "This can't be real (implied: because it's good)." But the Ghostbusters are ready to believe me. They won't ignore, deny, or negate my experience. It's their promised business model and mission statement. And J and I woke up at 2am today and talked all morning about...life. And about how hard it is to trust and rely on other people other than each other. About how neither of us have anyone really, that we feel would be of any real help to us other than each other. All of our closest emotional connections are scattered and fragile, and all of our closest geographic connections are tenuous at best, but actually basically unreliable to the point of uselessness. We don't have anyone to call. We ARE who other people call. I'm 46 years old and a parent and a homeowner and a college graduate, but I admit I wish we could call Ghostbusters. I like that part of Ghostbusters too. They understand my negative reinforcement and they're ready to believe me and if there's something strange in my neighborhood, I can call them. That's basically my lifelong relationship fantasy. That's why I love J so much. It's why I miss A so badly. They give/gave me that for real.

That's not all of why I love Ghostbusters so much, but it's a start. Thanks for watching it with me yesterday. You don't really know how helpful and necessary it was for me to get through the day. ❤️

[the-most-faithful]

Yesterday's discussion continues

I asked the person who said Snape wanted to possess Lily and not protect her about the canon evidence

This is what he replied to me. "Snape tries to alienate Lily from everyone" but as said yesterday this is false, Lily has other friends, even if Severus is her best friend. the only one who tries to distance Lily from someone is James, who irremediably destroys the relationship with Petunia and bullies Snape for years

All of Snape's hallmarks aren't really canon. But hey I mentioned James Potter and that's the rabbit hole. It amuses me too much to see how Snaters easily lose the plot and contradict themselves.

So they admits that James was a bully BUT... James doesn't push her away from those close to her. FALSE. As I said before he bullies her best friend for years, humiliates him and actively causes the end of their friendship. He destroys her relationship with her sister forever and is the main reason Vernon hates Harry.

In canon James asked Lily out several times until she accepted. This is psychological pressure, THIS is a warning sign.

The fact that they say "he only asked once" is patently false. Or are you telling me that we should ONLY rely on what we actively see in canon? Because in this case all the things told don't count, everything that COULD have happened doesn't count. And then the bad guys are actively bullies without any ifs or buts because we only see the worst. But this doesn't suit the Snaters so they try to mix things up. "Snape attacks James tons of times without provocation." When? at that point or occasion? When do we see this thing? NEVER. Are we told? Never.

The only time (and the fact that I should say this is worrying) is when Lupin tells us that LAST year Snape started attacking James. So 6 years of bullying should be forgotten because at the last minute Snape starts to react?

Bullying remains bullying even if the victim reacts, even if the victim is not a good person

"james is everything Snape isn't and probably wants to be (though I'll admit that last is my own thought)"

Once again FALSE, this is something Lupin tells us but it's not true, he only tells Harry to try to justify James. Snape has never been envious of James, quite the opposite. The author herself said it

James Potter's hostility toword Severus was fueled partially by his jealousy of Snape and Lily's friendship

The jealous one was James, not Snape.

do you know what they replied to this?

Having no handles, he says that James didn't bully Snape because the two of them attacked each other. Remember what I said at the beginning? They are contradicting themselves, just above they wrote, and I quote: "James is a bully aye" And now the two have a rivalry, it's just ridiculous.

And here ends the conversation (for now) Do you understand how ridiculous and senseless this all is? I asked for evidence that Snape wanted to possess Lily and not save her and what I got were FALSE facts, which I debunked, contradictions and finally the accusation of ignoring canon when everything they told me was not canon. This is the attitude of someone who doesn't really know how to have a discussion. I'll leave it up to you to judge

​

[exhuastedpigeon]

Han's far too long "I got covid for the first time and haven't felt the house in 6 days Buddie fic rec list"

This rec list is a combo of fics I read for the first time in the last week & fics I reread because they're wonderful and I needed comfort through my fever.

Break Glass in Case of Emergency by Beforeastorm 2,894 words || teen

Eddie’s mind wandered to the red folder, tucked high up in the back of his closet. He recalled back to a conversation he had with Buck, almost a year ago at this point: “It’s an insurance policy; a break glass in case of emergency. A trump card.” “One I really hope we’ll never have to use.” “But if we have to, we’ll be really glad we did this.” When hospital policy doesn't allow Chris, as an unrelated minor, to visit a comatose post-lightning strike Buck in the ICU, Eddie has a solution. Unfortunately, that involves sharing some pretty personal information in a waiting room filled with the 118.

Relationship Advice from Complete Strangers Online by HMSLusitania 3,964 words || Teen

When he gets home for the night, Buck turns to the one source of information that’s never let him down: the internet. He gets as far as opening his laptop and pulling up a web browser, and then he stalls. His homepage, for years now, has been Wikipedia. He doesn’t know how exactly he’s supposed to wiki-search “Is my best friend into me.” It’s not like he really does social media, either. Ever since he bailed on dating apps, he’s sort of tried to avoid other people online. He likes people in real spaces so much more. But where does one go for relationship advice from complete strangers online? Which is how, ten minutes later, he finds himself on Reddit with a shiny new account and username. It takes him a while after that to craft his question for r/Relationships, but he thinks he’s got it pretty accurately conveyed before he hits post. Hi, I’ve never made a Reddit post before and I’m not 100% sure what I’m doing but I need advice and can’t ask anyone in my real life. So, I [30M] have this best friend [34M]…

i got all my sisters with me by ipretendtobesane 6,766 words || teen This fic is so fucking soft and sweet. It quickly joined the ranks of my favourite Buddie fics I've ever read.

Soph to Eddie Hate Club: Hey guys! This is Alex, Sophia’s been a little out of it since Nina was born (she’s doing great, just in some pain and y’all know how weirdly woozy she gets on medicine). Combine that with a lack of sleep, and…well Y’all get it. Anyway, Soph and I wanted to host you guys next weekend. Adriana to Eddie Hate Club: YES I’m packing my bags right now Eddie to Eddie Hate Club: Are Buck and Chris invited? Soph to Eddie Hate Club: I will take any excuse to see that man up close and personal “Hey, Buck?” “Hmm.” “What do you say about a trip to Texas?” (or, eddie's sister has a baby, buck meets the diaz girls, and they're sickeningly in love for nearly seven thousand words)

knock on your door, just like before by rowan_wood 7,513 words || teen

“Here,” Buck had said, practically shoving his phone at Eddie once Eddie had said hello to both Buck and Chris and settled into a chair at the dining table, “I wrote down everything so I wouldn’t forget.” Eddie looked curiously at the screen to find Buck’s note app open to a long, long list of messages. There was a grocery list of things he needed at the top, but it soon devolved into any thing or thought that Buck had while Eddie was gone that he, apparently, wanted to tell him.  or: whenever Eddie's away, Buck writes him a new note, and Eddie pines.

you can start a family who will always show you love by fleetinghearts 8,185 words || Teen

“Yeah, yeah, he’s—he’s my kid, he’s my kid,” Buck tells her, tripping over his words in the effort to get this whole process to hurry the fuck up so he can see Chris. There’s the sound of something hitting the floor from behind him, followed by what might be plastic bouncing off the shiny hospital tiles. The person at the desk looks up in surprise, over Buck’s shoulder, and he turns to look too. Eddie’s standing there, Styrofoam cup rolling at his feet, coffee splattered all down the bottom of his faded blue jeans. The plastic lid of the cup skitters over the tile before coming to a stop a few feet away. He looks like someone punched him in the gut, absolutely shellshocked, something Buck can’t quite read behind the startled expression on his face. or, buck's looking for something, and the diazes let him know he already has it

still by brewrosemilk 9,368 words || teen This fic actually ruined me. I full on sobbed reading it.

For the first time, Buck longs for a bullet wound to treat. Dirt to dig at. A door to break through. Something. There’s nothing. “Your guess was correct, Diaz,” the bomb technician tells them, as he gestures to the orange circle. “You’re standing on a large sensor plate, wired to a detonator. It’s incredibly important that you don’t move. Don’t shift. When you put your weight down, it was like cocking a gun - you take your weight off, this thing is powerful enough to take the entire house with it."  Inspired by Castle, S05E22: Still

brick by spqr 10,154 words || explicit 

The first thing Buck noticed when he walked through the door was the smell of plaster and wet paint. There was a white spot on the wall in the living room, primered but without any color yet, about the size of a man’s fist. Eddie looked sheepish. His knuckles were still bruised, scabbed over but healing. “You were in a coma,” was all he said. “Yeah,” Buck agreed. He knew the feeling.

things you don't say reach me somehow anyway by sibylsleaves 14,279 words || Teen

He writes CHRISTOPHER at the top of the page in capital letters. Underneath it goes BUCK. Then PEPA, CARLA, CHIM, HEN and so on until he has fifteen names listed out. Fifteen people to show his appreciation for. He starts with the easiest name first. or, Eddie tells the family he chose how much they mean to him. All of them except one.

let's build this house (into a home, baby) by withmeornotatall 24,478 words || explicit 

This fic is so good. Different first meeting, but the same wonderful friendship. Christopher is a national treasure. It's a prefect fic.

"Hey, buddy!" he calls out with a grin. "Did you know that octopuses actually is the correct plural form of octopus not octopi?" "Cool." Chris smiles, but it fades just as soon as it appears. Buck dog-ears his page and sets his book down. "Everything okay?" he asks carefully, crossing to the fence. "Yeah, I'm just hungry." Christopher sighs. "Dad burnt dinner. Again." Buck glances through his open back door to the dining table with three mismatched chairs, and bites his lip. He's got no excuse today, the evening sun leaving him lethargic but not exhausted, the hour reasonable. "Hey, I've got an idea." Buck winks at Christopher. "Stay there, okay?" Buck grabs his beer, book and folding chair, setting them just inside the entrance. He makes his way to the front door, stopping at the hallway mirror to fix his curls into something a little more presentable, and walks the few yards down their adjoined porch to Christopher's door. With a deep breath, he raises his hand and knocks. The door swings open a few seconds later, and Buck's mouth goes dry at the sight that greets him (OR: the buddie neighbours au no one asked for)

i see you in my sheets (i see you in my sleep) by elless 24,981 words || explicit 

Eddie kisses him in the kitchen. Bright morning sunshine spills in the window over the sink, picking out the golden flecks in Eddie’s eyes. He cradles Buck’s jaw with one warm palm, and Buck freezes for a moment, startled, before surging against Eddie. He’s still holding a hot mug of coffee that he barely fumbles onto the counter without dropping or spilling all over his shirt. He rakes his fingers into Eddie’s hair and reels him in closer, Eddie’s firm thigh slotted between his. “Eddie,” he pants as Eddie scrapes his teeth down his throat and sucks on the spot over his racing pulse. Eddie hums as he rucks Buck’ve done just about everything else two people can do together; maybe this was always inevitable. OR Buck and Eddie are FWB, act like boyfriends, and are suuuuper dumb and oblivious about everything.

in the night we trust by glorious_spoon 29,220 words || teen

It feels new, and good, and not just because it’s been so damn long since anyone has touched Eddie like this. It’s just—it’s Buck. Of course this is something they know how to do together. They’ve done just about everything else two people can do together; maybe this was always inevitable. - Or: Eddie and Buck start sleeping together when they're all stuck at Buck's place during lockdown. It still takes them almost three years to notice that they're in love.

The Heart Opening Sequence by Leslie_Knope 34,035 words || mature

Eddie’s handsome, that’s obvious, Buck clocked that the second he met him. Part of him still can’t really believe that the guy he was so threatened by at first ended up as his closest friend, which is why these weird twinges are so unsettling. Buck isn’t sure if they’re real, for one, these odd flashes of what it would be like to lean over and kiss Eddie while they’re watching a movie or brush a hand over his back while they’re in the kitchen. And for two, it’s so far out of the realm of possibility that it’s barely worth thinking about.

must be some kind of twist, I could get used to this by soyxunxperdedor 38,753 words || explicit  THIS FIC!!! Accidentally married in vegas??? SIGN ME UP

He doesn’t remember much from last night, even less after the fourth or fifth tequila shot. So he certainly doesn’t remember bringing someone back to his room. He steels himself for the lancing pain and cracks his eyes open. Oh. Oh no. This is either really bad or… Well, not really good, but just. Not really bad, and that’s probably all Buck can ask for it to be. Because Eddie is in his bed, Eddie’s arm is wrapped around his waist, Eddie’s legs are tangled with his. And he has no idea why.

let the world have its way with you by fleetinghearts 54,477 words || explicit  This is the best post lightening strike long form fic I've read. It doesn't gloss over Buck dying/feeling different and instead shows Eddie (and Chris) helping Buck embrace his feelings and grow together. 15/10

“It’s just that—I died,” Buck continues, voice unsteady enough that Eddie wonders if this is the first time he’s acknowledged that out loud. “I died, and there’s so much more. There’s so much more I want to do, things I don’t even know I want to do yet, and I almost had the chance to have and live them taken away. I don’t want to die and regret missing out on everything else, Eddie.” “So let’s make a list,” Eddie says. “Let’s do them.” or, a bucket list that’s really about buck needing to make a change and an eddie who’s ready to do anything to see him fall in love with life again. it takes some crossing off for eddie to realise—the thing at the top of the list in his own heart? it’s been right here all along

a body, a knife, hold steady by bvckandeddie (zukkababey) 67,425 words || mature I'm a slut for a Mr. and Mrs. Smith AU and this one is one of the best I've read.

Bogotá wasn’t Buck’s first international mission—Peru held that title—but it changed just about everything. Because Bogotá was where he met Eddie. Or, Buck and Eddie meet, fall in love, build a life together, and discover they're rival assassins—exactly in that order.

wishing to be the friction by ipretendtobesane 97,200 words || explicit 

Buck and Eddie are straight best friends who start having no strings attached sex. Eddie has a hard time having sex with someone he doesn't trust, and Buck's tired of hookups after being with Abby. Besides, they're both comfortable with their sexuality, and there's nothing wrong with giving your friend a hand. What's surprising is how long it took them to fall into bed together, really. What's entirely unsurprising is how quickly strings start getting attached. or; the straight eddie friends with benefits fic

[rorynn]

I'm so sorry I wasn't active I was doing something. Drawing some shit like this. I even made my sketchbook a bit chunky. (I'm using gramarly cuz English is my second language)

The first is Monkey Y/n, who is a half-human and half-monkey demon. And like she is a witch. I like thinking something about witches. THEY ARE MY SECOND FAVORITE MONSTERS. Like she used to be friends with Six-eared Macaque. Macaque was a pre-teen (9-11) and Y/n is in her early teens (13-14). Later as adults, they started a relationship. Y/n is a chill and confused gf while Macaque is like flirty and crazy in love. Everything changed when Y/n back from a mission while being away for like half a year until she heard that Macaque was killed by the hands of Monkey King. It outrages her and wanted to get her revenge on Wukong but realized her neckless wasn't with Macaque anymore. It was odd. You thought Monkey King stole it but you managed to find it it was covered in dirt and broken. It almost looks like it wasn't needed. Then there was a realization and breakdown then y/N promised to fall in love again or get tricked and yadayadayadayada she diseppierd for centuries. Then they met again

2. Then for the next hundred years, they meet again AND Macaque thinks Y/n will come back to him but nahh "Do you really think I the great Witch of Abomination? Think again" Then shoves the neckless she gave him when they were young adults.

3. In the Lego Monkie kid universe ( It's how I designed Macaque I mean people say drawing a character 'in my style' so yee) AS it is written on small papers what happens in different universes. So in the Lego Monkie kid universe Y/n just kicks him away because she has a job to do and doesn't want anyone to mess it up. While in my universe Y/n tries to kill him. Macaque has to die again. But he can't stop falling in love even more while Y/n fell out of love. She moved on and already has 3 kids. well, 2 are Macaques and y/ns while her youngest is fully human but has powers like Discord from mlp.

4. Okey so the woman that is standing next to Monkey Y/n is me as a Celestial guard or something. Monkey y/n needed help for something so she went for some help. Then I the Celstal guard would gladly helped.

5. I made myself as a Spider-woman. But like it says on icecream Chopstick. A mutated. This is very short so like there was a spider that had a mutated venom on her fat bunda. How I was bit well....I was filling my water bottle and I didn't see a spider inside so I drank it and bam I was kicked out of my home and became a vigilant Spider-woman, I have 16 eyes, I can spill my venom when I bit someone and forgot my toxic family, my school. my old life..... And 1 year later a Spider sociality came to invite me but I refused cuz.. Why should I mean they have a thousand spider people on it why do they need another one???? I refused multiple times.. heck they even tried to force me but I made it again very clear I will not join. So they stopped bugging me until an Indian Spider-man give me some weird tech bracelet and said to keep it if I in case need their help. Then this boy named Miles Morales came into your universe and said this was whole a misunderstanding that he came from the wrong universe and that he needs to go back to his universe to save his dad but he is being chased by multiple spider-people who is leading them is Miguel O'hara. Ahh that annoying bitchy grumpy man with a problem temperature. Then he explained that he is also being chased by a powler-version of himself. And I explain powler-version of himself is also the enemy I'm trying to put him in jail and also my sister's best friend. He was shocked. But I had no time to explain so I told him to stay at my place. I MADE HIM A BUREK S MESOM AND HE LOVED IT. Then he said that he will never be able to save his dad the one I wrote on a pic was a mistake. So i told him to not worry about them.

6. This is like a small doodle of me, Lilith from Hazbin Hotel, and Monkey witch y/n who sleeps naked alone. The reason why she sleeps naked it's because it itchy for her to sleep with pj's and sweets a lot which causes the bed to get wet and she stinks a lot and hates to take a shower twice a day. She only does it alone- when Y/n started to have a relationship with Macaque she was embarrassed to ask Macaque if she could sleep with no clothes on nothing sexual it is normal for monkeys to be naked which of course Macaque notices that and tells her that it won't bother him after all a lot of tribe monkeys sleep naked or be naked. It is actually common for monkeys to be naked :)

7. This is actually funny to me. I made an Eagle Y/n a very long ago I wanted to draw more of her with Golden Winged Peng From Lego Monkey Kid she is also a sister figure of a Macaque. I was listening to 'Ayesha Erotica - 9 am in Calabasas where there is a scenario where he talks about starting to fall in love with Eagle Y/n and yadadada not gonna make it longer and you guys probably that one trend on TikTok lalalalala ˛& okokokokok, yeah they are both okokokokok. Don't ask me why It's my opinion cuz they both are listening to each other.

And here is a little note for everyone to see better. I was even going to make Y/n shorter before I searched about eagles' height. What I was mostly curious about is the height and the types of eagles are called. Y/n is a golden eagle. MEANING he can sit on her lap whenever he can I even searched about Peng's origin in Buddhism. Mostly wiki. Also, Y/n has leopard-like teeth and it looks something like this:

8. And another Y/n Oc from Rise of the Guardians as Halloween spirit. A love interest for Easter Bunnymund. Yes, it is from a headcanon on Tumblr and l read it and loved it. The reason why I designed it like this is that I tried to find some clothes for her like:

-a witch hat and has a goth neckless,

-a Vampire cape,

-a stone candy that it's attached on her neckless,

-she has clown makeup on her face exept her lips,

-bones painted on her body,

-has a crow mask behind her back,

-witch reaped dress,

-wolf form

!and fun /sad facts about the Halloween spirit!:

After Halloween, Y/N'ween typically takes a walk in a dark forest and disappears.

When there is a child or a teen that is too scared of going alone to get jumpscares, Y/N'ween will make it less scary and leaves lollipops to feel better.

if selfish parent/s would force their child/ren to steal candies from others. Y/N'ween would give them a thousand of jumpscares till they learn a lesson.

Y/N'ween is actually shy but when you get to meet her she is really outgoing.

Hates it when she is called 'puppy'. mostly from Jack

has ADHD

has a mark that one of the Toothiana's fairies had pinched her thinking Y/n'ween was a threat.

she uses withes magical mop to fly.

Y/n'ween is being misgendered due to her muscular arms and makeup, which happens a lot.

at a Halloween a kid was being laughed at for being a scared cat which angered the teen, this teen started throwing rocks at them then the kids did the same thing to her but a boy threw a rock on her head. It knocked her out and her head started bleeding. The kids were scared and ran off leaving her dying. When Y/n'ween smelled blood she rushed to s find where the blood was coming from and hoping she wasn't too late...

unfortunately she was late....but the moon chose the kid to become her left hand as to help Y/n'ween with celebrating Halloween.

All Y/n designs are free to use EXCEPT!

My personas. AND ADD CREDITS PLS OR I WILL STALK YOU AND ADD HATE ON YOU!!!

[pricemarshfield]

Writer Interview Game

thank you for the tag @wetcatspellcaster! honestly just this morning was talking about writing and inspiration and motivation so it was super cool to get to dive in-depth with this :) under the cut because uhhh i am chatty as all hell <3

tagging @reallyhatethiswebsite @goldfyshie927 @prettyaveragewhiteshark @pouralaura @atrueneutral @bravestworriers AND anyone else who'd like to! as always, no pressure :)

When did you start writing?

i genuinely have been writing so long that i don't remember when i started. i have distinct memories of being 6 and writing about my oc who was a babylonian priestess raised by alligators and living in antarctica in a compound full of animals, and despite being babylonian she was named athena. honestly a baller concept for me at 6 years old, i kinda still fuck with it (though i'd tweak some things. world-build a little more. probably rename her. read more than one encyclopedia page about mesopotamia)

i wrote a LOT of original stuff (read: knockoffs of whatever novels i'd read at the time) and a bit of fanfiction as a tween, got into a phase where i hated and deleted all of it and wrote WAY less as a teen, and then jumped back into fanfic with requests from my high school friend group and haven't stopped since. even when my posting has slowed, my writing hasn't; i just waffle between "post a chapter as soon as it's done" and "wait until the fic is finished and fully edited before i post a word of it". the former approach definitely works better for me because otherwise it languishes in my drafts forever (i'm sorry pricemarsh longfic. one day i will muster up the motivation to finish you).

i write Some original stuff, but more short stories than longform things. actually someone yell at me to post my molly drew backstory thing because it's one of the best things i've written in years AND fully original! (well. project zomboid. fanfic gray area but it's basically a stand-alone zombie thing, it doesn't pull from the game's lore because i don't know it lmao)

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

hm...i think i read a long more long genfics than i've written or attempted to write, which is funny because longer genfics are definitely some of the best things i've written and that have resulted in the Nicest comments and response i've ever gotten. (the only fic i've ever joined a server and had someone go "i've read this and i loved it" is a 30k genfic, and also is my magnus opus). also, i read MUCH more original fiction stuff than i write these days, even if i DO have a lot of oc ideas these days.

i'm not sure why! i don't think it's coming from a concern of lack of interest...compelled as i am by platonic dynamics, i think i just have more fun writing shippy stuff. also i write a lot of smut, so there's that. thinking about it, there mayyy be a level of spite in my not writing more original stuff, or at least not sharing it? my family is very annoying about the fact i write fic instead of original stuff, and that i am Not interested in being an author as my career. but that's a silly reason so maybe i'll hype myself up about my original stuff more lol

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

not that i can think of? not unless i'm writing something in a very specific genre, anyway. when i wrote my noir au martian thing i was very specifically trying to emulate works from that genre but even then not Authors so much as Works and even then more movies than books...i think there are some fantastic authors (both published and fandom!) that i'm very inspired by and learn from but none that i'd point to as a Style To Emulate. but in terms of writers, both the person who tagged me and everyone i'm tagging have writing i love enough that it makes me want to work on my own stuff. all of y'all use words SO well.

again, not a style i'm trying to emulate BUT in terms of books that got me thinking about words and world-building and writing in such a way that i was inspired to Create (a VASTLY incomplete list): mexican gothic by silvia moreno-garcia, exercises in style by raymond queneau, 253 by geoff ryman, the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson, this is how you lose the time war by amal el-mohtar and max gladstone, the martian by andy weir, and in the dream house by carmen maria machado. ALSO READ MORE CLASSICS AND NONFICTION AND POETRY...get thinking about words in different ways even if it's not the genre you want to write because it WILL help your writing grow...this is getting so far away from the question oops

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

...the amount of fic i've written on my dinky old laptop, in bed at 2am, directly in the ao3 textbox is FAR more than the fic i've written in any other space. (no one should do this btw.) unfortunately i write most when i compelled by ideas at at a time i shouldn't be, and my laptop is convenient

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

stepping away. forcing writing puts me back in a mindset that'll burn me out Longterm, and i won't even be happy with the end result. writing and also any other creative endeavor isn't something to do on its own forever; if you're not inspired, go read something! play something! draw something if you write/write something if you draw! go on a hike! try and fail to learn to crochet!

on top of helping yourself decompress from writer's block and burnout (if you're dealing with either), i feel like the muse always comes easier when i give her space. sometimes she comes back with a vengeance and that's when i write at 2am (that's when most of talk was written, and it haunted me for MONTHS. MONTHSSS. so i guess also you can muster up the muse by being down bad for the devil)

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

all my ocs are autistic women who mask (either well or poorly) and feel fundamentally not in line with the worlds in which they're living. which could mean nothing

but also i don't really think so! i try to very consciously write different genres and themes and ideas; i think i revisit the idea of two characters who are in some way opposed realizing they're more similar than they thought, or else finding compatibility In their differences maybe?? which isn't surprising but also i think indicates more a desire to build up a relationship as part of a plot rather than saying something about Me, Specifically

wait no i lied. in dnd and dnd-related fandoms specifically i write a LOT of stuff vis a vis divinity and expectations and the dichotomy of good/evil in the setting not necessarily matching with any sort of real-world morality/philosophy and the horror inherent to godhood (on both the side of the god and the follower.) i'm not a particularly religious person nor was i raised as such, so not sure Why, but it's very interesting to me!!

What is your reason for writing?

i want to read it and no one's gonna write it exactly like i will!! but also...it's fun. i like getting into a character's head. i like figuring out how to get from scene a to scene b in a way that doesn't take away from the narrative. i LOVE getting to see the ways a story can shift outside its outline (my outlines are very bare-bones, so this happens a lot). it's something that i enjoy and that i can share with people.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

any comment that shares something about my writing that either i was actively trying to do or that i didn't notice at all. the first is a delight because it means someone gets what i'm going for!! hell yes! and then the latter is a look at my writing through someone else's eyes which is just so so nice. either one feels like Connecting with people over my writing which is! the goal! so hell yes!

really though any comment that isn't "write more" is motivating to me. someone once left a keysmash and nothing else in the comment box and it motivated me to pick up another wip for the same pairing and write another chapter

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

i am a human being and not a content machine <3 this doesn't come up a lot anymore but i used to have to deal with a lot of asks and requests that would demand more fic even as all my posts were about the immense grief i was dealing with at the time lol.

but also i want to be seen as a person who can be approached! send me asks about what i've written, dm me, tell me about zines and fanweeks and things like that! i literally live with someone i met in a fandom space, fandom works best when it's a thing you share with people rather than a thing you Consume and expect Recognition for. (not that recognition is BAD, but like...see it as connection first and content second, ykwim? i also say this knowing i'm bad about reaching out first but. yeah. i'm working on it!)

slight tangent but you've already read this far so <3 i also feel like fandom these days has moved to more private spaces rather than public appreciation...like, how many fandom events get shared primarily in discord servers that a new fan might not know to join? how many people only get hyped up by people they've already talked with? how many people gush over a fic in a server and then never mention it to the author? i want to be approachable because i want to actually Engage with people without having to join 80 discord servers for different niche things and hope i find a place i vibe with. (nothing against discord specifically--anyone can ask for mine, and i met some dear friends that i'm tagging through a fan discord server, but i hate social connection in fandom being Limited to that.) okay tangent over

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

this is so specific lol but i think i'm really good at flow and sentence structure. like...i feel like i space out my sentences and paragraphs well to keep things from getting too jarring even while being wordy as all hell in a smut oneshot. (there's a reason my first tav is a bard multiclass with the sage background, and it's because neither of us can or will shut up <3)

How do you feel about your own writing?

honestly? pretty damn good. i'll still go through what every writer does where i reread my own stuff and think it sucks sometimes, but i think i've gotten to a place in my writing where i can enjoy it as it stands even if i notice something i'd edit differently. it helps that i've started writing a lot more SELF-indulgently rather than request-indulgently (though please do still send requests if you want! <3 i just mean that i'm not ONLY writing things for other people)

[acacia-may]

Acacia's Definitive Defense of Langris x Finesse

No one asked about this pairing, but I'm going to ramble about them anyway... especially since I realized I don't think I've ever actually written a proper post about them as this has been sitting in my drafts for over a year (A/N: Yikes! Sorry friends. I completely forgot I wrote this until today when I tried to find that post I was absolutely certain I had made about Langris x Finesse only to find it buried in my unposted drafts 😅🙈 But I'm posting it now to coincide with the ship ask game so it kind of works...? Maybe? I have no excuses...).

Anyways, dear goodness do I have thoughts about this ship. I’m not sure I can even wrangle them all, but I am going to try my best.

I’m sure it’s pretty clear from my blog that I have a deep love for my spatial mage boys and want good things for them which is one of the main reasons why I have a lot of concerns about the whole House Vaude soap opera. A friend of mine (irl) and I once discussed that plotline for literally 6 hours so I could go on and on about this for ages, but I have tried my best to be brief. That didn't really happen so I apologize in advance for all of the rambling.

I've tried to keep the focus of this post on Langris and Finesse's relationship, so please check out this post if you want to hear my many thoughts on the House Vaude succession drama as whole and in general. To keep things organized, I've divided this discussion into 2 main subsections for clarity under the cut!

(Warnings: Black Clover spoilers and discussion of some heavier topics such as childhood trauma and abuse. Arranged marriage is also mentioned)

Why I Think Langris and Finesse Genuinely Love Each Other (not necessarily in a romantic way but definitely in a selfless care and concern kind of way)

One of my most basic premises for my personal interpretation of Langris' character really comes down to the fact that I think what Langris actually wants more than anything else is unconditional love and to be accepted for who he is (rather than what he does/his accomplishments). He wants to have people who love him, a family—but he'd never admit this because he is convinced he'll never get it. He is convinced that love needs to be earned and he can't earn it, and his relationship with Lady Finesse is a perfect example of this, I think.

It hurts Langris that she is just the kindest person ever and she doesn't like/love him (or such is the reality in Langris' mind anyway given the fact that he has carried around that one time she complimented Finral as "she hates me" for literal years in the canon. But I digress). Langris doesn't like games he can't see a possibility of winning. He closes himself off from love and building meaningful relationships because he doesn't think he'll "win" people's love in the end. He's very cynical and jaded in this way, but more than that, he's wounded. It comes from a place of being denied love without strings attached, without conditions for his entire life and of being told his by his parents that love has to be earned and being convinced that he can't earn it, that nothing he does will ever be good enough and that he will never deserve the love he so desperately craves. And in that way, it comes from a fear of being hurt and rejected. When you care about someone, you give them the power to hurt you—and Langris doesn't want that kind of vulnerability. So I think he just completely counts himself out of the running when it comes to Finesse and defers to his brother—assuming (probably correctly) that she’d choose Finral if she was given a choice between the two of them.

All of that said, he can't quite stop himself from caring for her with a genuine love and respect (not necessarily in a romantic sense but he does care for her)—it’s just sealed off somewhere and not something he really thinks about or allows himself to feel (let alone label) until his brother "declaring war" on him brings all of that to the surface and he kind of has to reconcile how much he wants to be the Head of House Vaude (what he’s worked for his entire life) with how much he wants Lady Finesse to be happy. I love how in that scene there is actually a moment (at least in the anime) in which "the camera" turns and we're watching the scene unfold from Langris' eyes/perspective immediately before he gets involved and tells Finral to clean up his act.

(A/N: If you listen very carefully you can hear the sound of Langris' entire world falling apart...)

Okay, bad jokes aside, this is a huge moment for Langris. It takes him all of five seconds to decide that Lady Finesse's happiness is far more important to him than House Vaude, than his title, his future, his own dreams and aspirations that he has worked for literally his entire life and, ultimately, is more important than everything he has looked to for his own self-worth and fulfillment up unto that point (which causes him to have a bit of an existential crisis as he tries to figure out who he is without those things, without being the next Head of House Vaude, but I digress again). It is an incredible act of love to set aside what someone wants for themselves in order to make another person happy—to choose what is best for another person even at great personal sacrifice. Regardless of how you want to qualify that love (romantic or platonic), it does not diminish the gravity of Langris' sacrifice and the willingness he shows to choose Finesse's happiness over the things that are (seemingly) the most important to him in the world.

Up until this point, Langris is this incredibly goal-oriented character who is set on becoming the best, the strongest, and eventually the head of House Vaude which comes off as self-interested and a little ruthless in his willingness to do whatever it takes to achieve his goals, but suddenly, here he is, ready to give all of that up so that Lady Finesse can have the chance to be happy. It's almost like he is saying (honestly, far louder and clearer than any words possibly could), "I love you more than all of that."

Why else would he be helping his brother take over as heir to House Vaude when that actually seems to be something Langris wants for himself? (I know the poll I ran examined some different ideas and interpretations but that's always been my personal take on it). It’s almost like in that moment, Langris has realized that he can’t make Lady Finesse happy (even if he wants to), but he thinks that Finral can so he wants to make Finral into the best he can be for her.

Once Langris is reasonably sure that Finral is at a place that he can make Finesse happy and has become a man "worthy of her," I could definitely see him stepping aside so that his brother could take over their House and marry her—purely out of concern for Finesse’s happiness, and there is something incredibly selfless and very beautiful about that.

I think Finesse's side of things is much more practical. The fact of the matter is that Finesse is royalty in a medieval society where she will inevitably be married off for a political alliance and/or to produce children, and she has probably always known that she needs to marry out of duty/responsibility, so I can’t really see her as that much of a hopeless romantic given the circumstances. If she allows herself anything, it is the hope that she will get to spend her life with someone who does care for her and who she can be content with. I don't think throughout most of Finesse's life and certainly not throughout this whole arranged marriage business that anyone has ever really asked her what she wanted or ever really cared about her wishes before, but Langris seems to have a genuine interest in her wishes and her happiness more so than anyone else. And I think she does care for him (again, not necessarily in a romantic way but it is a genuine care and concern of at least friendship).

As I discussed in this post, when Langris has all that elf-business and the King threatens to dissolve the betrothal and punish the Vaudes, it is Finesse who comes to their defense rather than taking what is quite possibly her only chance at an "out." And it is an informed, free choice on her part. I love her line in the English dub that she "knows Lord Langris and has no misgivings about him" and therefore essentially begs her uncle not to "judge him too harshly." I think there is something very strong and very courageous in her decision to believe in the good in Langris even when he is at his worst, and her concern is truly and completely focused on what is best for him. I'm especially thinking of that moment when she begs him to stop before he does something he will regret. She's worried about him: his hurt and his guilt. She really wants what's best for him, and it's this love for him and this belief in him that really brings out the best in Langris.

My absolute favorite thing about this ship (besides how selfless they are towards each other) is really that Finesse has this way of bringing out this softer, gentler side of Langris that, I think, very few people have actually seen. Langris himself is so insistent on hiding this (probably a learned response from growing up in an environment where any hint of emotion and any sensitivity is viewed as a weakness), but really he has such a deep capacity for love and given the opportunity would be fiercely loyal.

Langris may not care about a lot of people, but the ones he chooses to care about he will love forever. He's just such a tsun about it, I think, so it can be very hard for anyone (and especially for those with preconceived notions of him as a snotty stick-in-the-mud) to see that he's really very sweet and awkward as heck about his feelings. Langris' love might be quiet—it's not very flashy and usually shows itself in doing little, everyday things for the people he loves—but still waters run very, very deep and he has shown that he would do just about anything to protect the people he loves most and make them happy, no matter what that means for himself. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that he would die for Finesse if it came down to it.

Ultimately, I can imagine a lot of different outcomes for this relationship (some of which never, ever cross over into that romantic place). I really just want them both to be happy whether that means they end up together or not, but yes, I could see them happy with each other in a romantic sense under very specific circumstances since they do have such a selfless love for each other (but I think that is probably a discussion for another time because this is already super, super long so I'm cutting myself off in favor of the next section...).

Why I personally think Langris rather than Finral is better suited for Finesse

As much I don't like pitting ships against each other, I don't think it's avoidable in this case since she is going to be in arranged marriage with one of them. To paraphrase a favorite musical of mine, it's not a matter of "if" but which one. And I think it's best for me to just start off by saying that while I do genuinely like and appreciate Finesse and Finral as a ship as well, I personally think that Langris and Finesse are better suited for one another in the long term.

I will admit upfront that this is in part because of my own personal experiences of having a chronic illness (and needless to say that is a personal bias that colors my opinions, so please just keep that in mind), but I think it's important to talk about the fact that Finesse is chronically ill because it's not something I've ever really seen discussed when talking about ships for her and I really think it should be taken into account. Like Finesse, I have been sick for most of my life, and I can really relate to the kind of difficulties and limitations that Finesse likely experiences due to being chronically ill and the realities of the less active and much more slower-paced life she would lead and, by proxy, the life anyone who married her would have to lead. Again, I am not saying that I don’t like or couldn’t imagine her & Finral together (I do genuinely like that ship too), but I almost think Langris is better suited for her in that he actually wants (or seems to want) the slower-paced life they’d probably have together. For instance, there are likely to be frequent situations that would arise in which Finesse is too ill or too tired to go out and her husband would then be “forced” to stay home with her. With Langris, I think, there would never really need to be much of that feeling of guilt on Finesse’s part or the fear that she is taking away something from Langris or being a burden, because Langris isn’t super sociable and would just want to stay home anyway. In fact, let’s be honest here, he’d probably, actually feel kind of relieved that he has gotten out of unwanted socializing. Whereas Finral is a much more lively and sociable person (rather than an "old soul" like Langris), and though Finral would never, ever want Finesse to feel like a burden or to feel guilty about being sick, I could imagine there is more of that feeling (at least from Finesse’s side) that he has given up a lot more to be with her since his active social life would drastically change as soon as they married.

There's also the matter of the panic Finral would probably have whenever Finesse was ill or having a flare of symptoms. Of course, Langris would be worried as well, but I think because of his personality, he is better able to shelve that and help in a crisis rather than Finral who gets really worked up and then just sort of shuts down. Obviously this is something that can be learned over time, but I just worry that it would be a constant source of stress for Finral which would ultimately make Finesse very worried about him and upset that he is upset on her account. I think Finesse would have a lot of fear that the life she could give a lively, busy, & social person like Finral would be holding him back in some way. The question there is really: will what Finral wants out of life ever gel with the limitations Finesse has to live with? Whereas I don't think that question is as much of an issue with Langris since he is an old soul and incredibly steady, very unlike his more restless, adventurous, and high-energy brother.

I think Langris and Finesse are alike in this way. Though they have many differences in their personalities (and a really nice balance there), they have a lot of similarities in worldview and their attitudes towards life and their life goals—being more traditional, formal, and proper ‘old souls.' Whereas I think she and Finral have more similarities in personality (despite him being much more lively), they’re both incredibly kind, gentle & easy-going people who aren’t particularly ambitious and often make decisions based on what will make other people happy and "keep the peace." But worldview wise he seems much more modern and less traditional than her which I could see causing some tensions since I think they want different things out of life, in a way. It’s almost more important to be alike in life goals/worldview than personality, I think.

I also think Finesse and Langris share common interests and genuinely enjoy each other's company (as we get these glimpses of in the anime where they're just having a quiet, comfortable tea parties together for instance). Even if it started off as an obligation to spend time together because of this arranged marriage they were going to be in, I like to think that eventually Langris and Finesse actually became fairly good friends and came to genuinely enjoy each other's company. I guess it’s a bit unfair to Finral to bring this up since we haven’t seen him spend a lot of time with Finesse so we can't say that they don’t enjoy each other’s company but I just don’t see them having the same shared interests that she would have with Langris.

There is a lot more I could say about these two and their relationship, but I think that's enough ramblings for now. If you read this all the way through to the end, bless you. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Cheers!! 💖

[disgruntledkittenface]

✨️ Twenty Questions for Fic Writers ✨️

Thank you @allwaswell16 and @haztobegood for tagging me! I love reading everyone's answers to these <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

60, including one cowrite

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

831,513

3. What fandoms do you write for?

One Direction. I use the BBC Radio 1 RPF tag for pairings with Nick Grimshaw, and I used the Shawn Mendes (Musician) one a few times, too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

you came into my life, caught up in your love affair, baby, you're the end of june, an honest mistake and tell me what you need

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I love replying to comments, even when I feel awkward about it. I really like getting replies from authors, I find it discouraging not to, so that's partly why. But a nice comment really makes me day, and I want to let people know I appreciate that. But I might miss one occasionally, and sometimes I don't reply if I think the commenter is being rude.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's probably my first fic, This Town. The whole fic is Niall processing Zayn leaving the band – but more importantly leaving him, and they don't get back together in the end. It's not my fault, Niall wrote a sad song! But also I was in the thick of grieving, so. That's what happened.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I almost, almost always write happy endings, so I could really pick this one at random lol, but I'll go with enough to make a girl blush. I really love how far Louis has come at the end of that fic and how happy she and Niall are together and how good they are together. Plus, I wrote a happy little timestamp for Harry and Zayn (count me in).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten comments that don't sit well with me, but not really. I did post a fic set at the beginning of COVID before I knew how bad it would get, and someone messaged me to say they were sorry about the hate it was getting... but I didn't see any?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes! I write smut that I find hot, girl direction and boy direction. When I started writing, I felt like I wrote absolutely terrible smut and I worked really hard to figure it out. Practice makes progress, baby.

10. Do you write crossovers? What the craziest one you've written?

I've written a couple of reality show AUs with the actual people from the shows in the fic – you came into my life and you wanna be on top? Nothing too crazy!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I think someone stole a shiall one-shot and posted it on Wattpad. Weirdly, I feel like I haven't made it because that doesn't happen to me more often.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! Most recently, someone asked if they could translate pink like the paradise found into Russian and they were so lovely.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I took part in a round robin for Nic's (@louandhazaf) birthday a few years ago! (Louis referring to merlot as the basic bitch of wines was me!) Co-writing has come up as an idea a couple of times, but the timing or idea etc has never been right.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I kind of have to fall deep for a pairing to write them, so I love a lot of pairings! Aside from larry, I think gryles might be my favorite. Something about the pining best friends who can't be together because of... REASONS just gets me where I live.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I had an idea for a lilo exes to lovers AU based on bennifer and I wrote a snippet that I really liked for it, but I felt like I was white washing Jennifer Lopez, if that's the right word? Like you can't separate her from the fact that she's Puerto Rican, so casting Louis in that role didn't feel right. I could try to figure out another way to approach it, but I don't really think I'll feel inspired enough.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm really good at continuity, and writing scenes with lots of people and involving all of them.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I always feel like I start sentences with "Niall did this" and "Harry did that" (sorry, writing narry at the moment). So, narration that's not action? Does that make sense?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it can be done effectively. I liked how the French worked in Darling, so it goes. It made sense to include because Harry moved to a country where he didn't speak the language. I tried to make the meaning of the French clear when Harry understood it, but I didn't include translations in the notes because Harry didn't understand a lot, and I wanted the reader in his shoes. I worked really hard on the French because I don't speak it, but I asked @somethingwittyorother to look it over and their feedback was incredibly helpful.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

One Direction!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

It's usually the last fic that I posted, so right now it's Suddenly Last Summer. I had the best time writing it and it was such a fulfilling creative outlet, and I just love it.

I'll tag: @crinkle-eyed-boo @uhoh-but-yeah-alright @neondiamond @kingsofeverything @louandhazaf @absoloutenonsense @homosociallyyours @nouies @onlythebravest

[meidui]

i'm answering all 30 fic writer asks as seen on kelly@fohatic's blog 😽 HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

1. What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again? fool's gold was a 1872 fic and it was one-sided dialogue but with no quotation marks, so it was supposed to read like somebody from timely was telling you about what happened! i liked it but i don't know if i would do it again because it's just stylistic, i think it worked for 1872 because it suited the small town setting

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!) i have too many wips but i posted 56 fics on ao3 this year!

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer? that i dilly dally a lot to avoid writing smut scenes and that the discord sprinting bot is my best friend

4. What piece of media inspired you the most? probably endgame because we had the @stevetonyisendgame exchange and prompt fest this year, so i rewatched it a lot and ended up writing lots of endgame-adjacent/post-endgame!! they're so soft in that movie i can't help myself

5. What fandom(s) did you write for this year? all marvel except for one fic for game changers! i foresee house md fic in 2024

6. What ship(s) captured your heart? stevetony has always had my heart does that count

7. What character(s) captured your heart? i love steve rogers even more than i did last year

8. Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year? new ships!! i wrote steve/thor and steve/natasha for the first time for captain bottom bingo and steve/peggy for the first time for steggy secret santa

9. What fic meant the most to you to write? nobody saves me, baby (the way you do) because kristina@samcky had an unposted draft of it that she let me rewrite 🥺 so it meant a lot to me because she's all over that fic and i just love her with all my heart

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on? i think it's a tie between winged and how porcupines kiss because they're so fluffy! although this might a little biased because @capnstars drew the cutest winghead!steve art you've ever seen in your entire life for winged and @itsmaybitheway drew THIS PRECIOUS PORCUPINE!STEVE AND ARMADILLO!TONY for how porcupines kiss 🥺

11. What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing? probably hell and high water because i worked on it slowly for months which usually doesn't happen, and it might even be one of my favourite fics that i've ever written so i was really proud

12. What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it? i don't think anything was difficult to write but new york is a hell of a town (and i'm brooklyn down) was so silly of me because it's set in august, but i wrote the first part in april and the second part in october and didn't really work on it during the actual summer 😶 like what was that?? why did i do that?? i'm so sorry

13. What fic was the easiest to write? into the forever and beautiful sky! it's a rocket-centric fic with rocket & steve friendship, i wrote it right after watching gotg vol 3 and it's just feelings vomit ahahah

14. What were your shortest and longest fics this year? my shortest fic was fool's gold which was 546 words and the longest fic that i wrote by myself (not just this year but also ever in all my life) was a rose by any other name which was 11.6k words! without caveats the longest fic is heartbreak prince, which i wrote with @areiton and it was 12k words!!

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023 a beast of a burden is really special to me so i want to rec that one! because i wrote it for the endgame exchange that i loved so much and it was for mrsgingles, who is my favourite stevetony artist, and it reminds me of this summer, and it also feels like the truest love letter to endgame that i've ever written

16. What were you go-to writing songs? i don't have any! usually it's whatever i'm already listening to or a movie or show that i'm watching, but i listened to exo's lotto on repeat when i wrote hit the lotto because that's what the fic sounds like in my head and taylor swift's timeless when i wrote once in a lifetime because it was based on that song

17. What were your go-to writing snacks? NO TIME FOR SNACKS WHEN THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO NEED TO KISS

18. What was the hardest fic to title? maybe lovelorn and nobody knows? i started working on it before 1989 tv came out and it didn't have a title for way too long, the google doc was literally just called "there are still beautiful things steve pov" and then it took me like 20 minutes of comparing 1989 vault lyrics to pick one 😭

19. Share your favourite opening line from the ice is getting thinner under me and you (a hockey au)

Steve is supposed to be at a bar downtown with the rest of his team. Steve is not supposed to be back in the emptied out stadium, his back slammed against the lockers with Tony's tongue in his mouth.

20. Share your favourite ending line i added the second last line for context but this ending line is my favourite because time has always been against steve and peggy, so i feel like the best show of how happy and safe they feel together is that they finally don't have to watch the clock or worry about time slipping through their fingers anymore 🥺 this is from from we were born to be national treasures

When she laughs, eyes glittering, he has the most peculiar feeling that he was always meant to end up right here, kissing the maroon lipstick off Peggy’s mouth, swaying under the sprig of mistletoe they never took down from Christmas as someone starts to shout a countdown to New Year’s. She cups his face and he smiles into the kiss, and neither of them bother watching the clock.

21. Share your favorite piece of dialogue from if my wishes came true (buckynat)

“You got that written down in your notebook?” “I don’t need to write you down to remember you, Natasha Romanoff.”

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene there were so many close contenders aahh but my favourite scene has to be the one from catastrophic blues when tony finally catches steve!!

“Then don’t make me hurt you,” Tony says, raising his palm and lighting up his repulsor. “I know you know what this does. You’re unarmed and backed into a dead-end alley. You’re not winning this one, kid, I can tell you that for free. Take off your mask.” The Vigilante glowers and stands his ground. “My whole life is dead-end alleys. I’m not taking off my mask.”

23. Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out? the whole end part of near-death cliché took some wrangling just because i was trying to make it sound like something kang the conqueror would say haha

“I’ve killed a lot of Avengers and it all starts to blend together,” Kang says, “but I remember you because you always end up fighting for him. I admire the consistency. It’s rare.” “Him?” “You could be with Steve Rogers,” Kang says almost empathetically, and it’s like he has gently wrenched Tony’s heart out of his chest. When the repulsors on his palms falter, Kang continues in the same disarming tone. “I could send you back to the battlefield. You’d open your eyes and he'd be there.”

24. What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story? this is hilarious to me because the recurring motif in but saving what we love was supposed to be steve and tony calling each other's bullshit over the years but it ended up being overshadowed by star wars. so much star wars, in fact, that it warranted a "star wars references" tag

25. What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.) google docs

26. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year? all of i thought the plane was going down (how'd you turn it right around) for two reasons! one is that i feel like maleness informs a lot of their lives and experiences and for a while i didn't really get the appeal of genderbending them, but then i read all of isozyme's lesbian stevetony fics and i had an epiphany about genderbending being an opportunity for character and relationship study, and two is that once i had said epiphany i realised i actually had a lot to say so i wrote captain eve rogers in one go and now i love her so much

27. Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic? hmm i don't think so!

28. How did you recharge between fics? i don't think i really do that either

29. If this were an awards show, who would you thank? oh my gosh. with all the sincerity in my heart, every person who gave me a kudo or a comment or is subscribed to my ao3, recommended my fics or my blog, said in a reblog/tweet/discord message/dm that they liked one of my fics or it made them happy or they were excited about reading one, follows me on tumblr or looks at my gifs or likes/reblogs my posts, runs fandom events, shares their beautiful fics or art or edits with us, all the members of the steve rogers defense squad, truly everyone who i've had an interaction with (except the steve antis and bots in my block list 😠) because i'm so grateful to have this community and that we met because we love the same thing and we can make each other's days better. deactivating for 10 months was the right thing to do but i'm so happy to be back this time because of you

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024? some of these have been cooking in my head for so long that they have TITLES

that famous happy ending (enchanted au)

play house (wandavision au)

plausible deniability (rival lawyers au)

wild and beautiful (feral/tarzan steve au)

yoga instructor steve and discharged air force pilot tony

prequel to kristina's beautiful ocean's 11 au, Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye

[kiki-de-la-petite-flaque]

Enjoy this beautiful letter from Fiona Apple explaining to her fans why she must postpone a concert date.

It's 6pm on Friday, and I'm writing to a few thousand friends I have not met yet. I'm writing to ask them to change our plans and meet a little while later.

Here's the thing.

I have a dog, Janet, and she's been ill for about 2 years now, as a tumor has been idling in her chest, growing ever so slowly. She's almost 14 years old now. I got her when she was 4 months old. I was 21 then — an adult, officially — and she was my kid.

She is a pitbull, and was found in Echo Park, with a rope around her neck, and bites all over her ears and face.

She was the one the dogfighters used to puff up the confidence of the contenders.

She's almost 14 and I've never seen her start a fight, bite, or even growl, so I can understand why they chose her for that awful role. She's a pacifist.

Janet has been the most consistent relationship of my adult life, and that is just a fact. We've lived in numerous houses and joined a few makeshift families, but it's always really been just the two of us.

She slept in bed with me, her head on the pillow, and she accepted my hysterical, tearful face into her chest, with her paws around me, every time I was heartbroken, or spirit-broken, or just lost, and as years went by, she let me take the role of her child, as I fell asleep, with her chin resting above my head.

She was under the piano when I wrote songs, barked any time I tried to record anything, and she was in the studio with me, all the time we recorded the last album.

The last time I came back from tour, she was spry as ever, and she's used to me being gone for a few weeks, every 6 or 7 years.

She has Addison's Disease, which makes it more dangerous for her to travel since she needs regular injections of Cortisol because she reacts to stress and excitement without the physiological tools that keep most of us from literally panicking to death.

Despite all this, she's effortlessly joyful & playful and only stopped acting like a puppy about 3 years ago. She is my best friend, my mother, my daughter, my benefactor, and she's the one who taught me what love is.

I can't come to South America. Not now. When I got back from the last leg of the US tour, there was a big, big difference.

She doesn't even want to go for walks anymore.

I know that she's not sad about aging or dying. Animals have a survival instinct, but a sense of mortality and vanity, they do not. That's why they are so much more present than people.

But I know she is coming close to the time when she will stop being a dog, and start instead to be part of everything. She'll be in the wind, and in the soil, and the snow, and in me, wherever I go.

I just can't leave her now, please understand. If I go away again, I'm afraid she'll die and I won't have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out.

Sometimes it takes me 20 minutes just to decide what socks to wear to bed.

But this decision is instant.

These are the choices we make, which define us. I will not be the woman who puts her career ahead of love & friendship.

I am the woman who stays home, baking Tilapia for my dearest, oldest friend. And helps her be comfortable & comforted & safe & important.

Many of us these days, dread the death of a loved one. It is the ugly truth of Life that keeps us feeling terrified & alone. I wish we could also appreciate the time that lies right beside the end of time. I know that I will feel the most overwhelming knowledge of her, of her life, and of my love for her, in the last moments.

I need to do my damnedest, to be there for that.

Because it will be the most beautiful, the most intense, the most enriching experience of life I've ever known.

When she dies.

So I am staying home, and I am listening to her snore and wheeze, and I am reveling in the swampiest, most awful breath that ever emanated from an angel. And I'm asking for your blessing.

I'll be seeing you.

Love,

Fiona