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formula-ghost · 30 days ago

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The Driver (FC43 x fem!reader)

SUMMARY: After years of being with your boyfriend, Franco Colapinto, you should feel secure and ready for your budding future. When old anxieties creep in, will your relationship withstand the pressure?

WORD COUNT: 9.5k

WARNINGS: Semi-public car sex (reader and Franco are both switches, fingering, p in v). Angst, mentions of cheating. Heavy mentions of marriage, incredibly Champagne Problems coded but I have to stick to the Måneskin theme. Probably incorrect geographical depictions of Spain. Reader has an anxiety disorder/struggles with mental health. Same universe as Supermodel/RYD (in RYD, Franco’s Aston Martin contract is only one year, so we’re just skipping ahead here).

A/N: You all asked for Franco car sex and instead I gave you emotional pain :) I don’t think I’ll ever stop writing for RYD!Franco, I just love him too much. After this I’ll keep writing for Wildflower and then maybe do a few one shots before the next series perhaps? Either way, hope you enjoy!

TAGLIST: [COMMENT TO BE ADDED TO MY FRANCO TAGLIST!] @scopeiguess @storyteller-le @xivilivix @htpssgavi @wierdflowerpower @justsisse @uncreativetm @ncrsbrg @tillyt04 @amz824 @ellelabelle @aliwritex

If you gonna set fire to the night, baby let me be the lighter

If you’re already high and you wanna fly, I’ll be the hit that takes you higher

If you wanna love when you touch the sky, you can be my midnight rider

If there’s nowhere to go when you wanna go wild, I wanna be the driver

After getting his first multi-year Formula 1 contract—complete with a hefty sign-on bonus—there were three things that Franco Colapinto needed to buy.

The first was a house for his parents.

He led his mother around the massive home, showing her every little detail that he had noticed when he chose it, all perfectly arranged according to her taste. At first, she wasn’t sure what her son was doing; he had wanted it to be a surprise, so he didn’t tell her anything.

“Yes, Franquito, the home is beautiful,” she said, craning her neck to look at the high ceilings, the sunlight from the massive windows illuminating her face. “But why would you buy a house here in Argentina? You’re hardly ever home, you can just stay with us in the off season.”

Franco, like his mother, was a pragmatist. He’d never buy himself a mansion in Argentina unless he had retired from F1 and decided to settle down. But his career was just getting started.

She continued, “I mean, you and YN don’t need this much space—”

“It’s not for us, Mami,” he said, finally letting loose the smile that he’d be fighting all day. He was never able to keep secrets, too much of a chatterbox. “It’s for you.”

“Franco—”

“Mami,” he said, already anticipating her hesitation. “It is the least I can do. I can never repay you for all you’ve done for me.”

“That’s my job. You don’t need to repay me.”

“Maybe I don’t need to, but I want to.”

Tears had begun to well up in his mother’s eyes. She knew it was impossible to stop him. It was every athlete’s dream to make enough money to buy their mother a house one day; she wouldn’t take that from him. “I’m so proud of you, mijo,” he said, enveloping her son in her arms. “You have made me proud beyond measure.”

It was Franco’s turn now to tear up, though he blinked them away and smiled. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“I figured something was up,” she laughed, “this house is too much my style for you to buy it. I think YN would like it, though. How is she doing?”

“She’s good,” he answered, unsure of how to proceed. His mother let him pause, knowing he was about to say something. “I’m… thinking about asking her to marry me.”

“Oh, wonderful!” she replied, her smile now stretching ear to ear.

“We haven’t talked about it yet, though. So don’t get your hopes up. She might not say yes.”

“Why wouldn’t she?” his mother questioned. “You’ve been together for years, through thick and thin.”

“I don’t know,” he said, scratching the back of his neck in nervousness. “We just…haven’t talked about it. I’m nervous.”

“Well, don’t ask her until you’ve talked about it. But I see no reason why she’d say no.” She reached out to smooth over a piece of his hair that was stuck up at an odd angle. “Take your time,” she continued. “If you all aren’t ready now, there’s no harm in waiting. You have the entire rest of your lives to be together.”

Franco gave her a weak smile, his expression still plastered with nervousness. “But when you do get married,” she continued, as if it was a fact, “I expect grandbabies.”

He laughed, despite knowing that she was dead serious. That would be a bridge to cross later.

For now, he had a second purchase to make: his first real car.

Franco, despite being a Formula 1 driver, had always been down to earth. When he drove for Williams, they had to fight him over taking the bus every day. Even in his early days, his future had been too unstable to spend all his hard-earned money on something like a flashy car, especially since he’d be away so often that he’d hardly be able to use it.

But now, he knew that the time was right, and he’d more than earned it. So, when Franco woke you up at the crack of dawn to go to the luxury dealership in Madrid to pick up his new car the second that they opened, you obliged him despite the hour being far too early.

As the salesman handed him the keys, Franco beamed as if he was holding his newborn child, his eyes wide with love and anticipation.

“She’s beautiful,” he whispered, running his hands up and down along the hood of the flashy luxury car.

You stood back, afraid to even touch this car that was more expensive than your net worth.

“She’s perfect. She’s the most perfect car I’ve ever seen.” He looked up at you, smiling like a giddy child. “Isn’t she perfect?”

You smiled back, amused by Franco’s happiness. “It certainly is a nice car.”

“It’s not just a nice car. She’s a machine.” You chuckled back at him. “Let’s go for a ride.”

You were honestly a little scared of getting in the car. But when Franco crossed over to open your door for you and help you inside, you couldn’t tell him no.

Sitting inside, you had to admit that it was a really nice car. Franco yapped on about the technical abilities of the engine, but it was in one ear and out the other—despite his many years in F1, you couldn’t say you had learned anything about the machines that your longtime boyfriend drove for a living. But you loved to hear him talk, especially when he was this happy, so you nodded as if you were listening intently.

Franco went to back up the car, putting his hand on your headrest and leaning over his shoulder. The move showed off his prominent muscles and instantly melted you. Even after all these years, it was the little things that you never got tired of.

He sped along the highways, giggling to himself as he heard the engine rev and felt the smoothness of the ride. His smile never wavered as he increased his speed and weaved through the slower cars.

He skipped the exit that would lead back to your home, though. “Where are we going?” you asked.

“I want to show you something,” he said, being intentionally vague with his intentions.

You raised an eyebrow. Franco wasn’t one for surprises; he talked too damn much to ever keep them. If he hadn’t told you before now, it must be something serious.

He moved his hand over to hold your thigh, another one of those little things he did that still made you crazy no matter how many times he did it. “Trust me, amor,” he said.

Of course, you trusted him. So when he exited the highway and began driving into the Spanish countryside, you said nothing, instead choosing to enjoy the feeling of his hand rubbing soft circles into your thigh as the trees blurred past you and the engine purred.

After a while he finally slowed his speed, bringing the car up to an empty overlook off the main road. Through the tinted windows, you could see that this place was hidden, nestled off by the trees so that you could only get here if you knew where you were going. The view was gorgeous; miles and miles of lush greenery, and in the far off distance, the city that you had just left.

“Wow..” you whispered. “How’d you find this place?”

“I used to run on these roads out here when I was younger,” he said, admiring you as you admired the view.

“It’s beautiful.”

“I don’t get to come here much anymore,” he said. “I never thought I’d come back here one day as a Formula 1 driver.”

“Thank you for bringing me here,” you said, leaning over to kiss his cheek. His face had the slightest tinge of blush, so subtle that only you could see it.

“Come on, let’s get a good look,” he said, turning off the engine and opening his door.

You got out of the car and softly gasped again when you saw the view with your own two eyes, rather than through the tinted glass. It left you breathless.

You sat cross legged next to Franco on the grass, taking in the sights of the countryside around you. For a while you were quiet, just soaking in the sounds of nature.

Then Franco broke the calmness. “Have you ever thought about getting married?”

His voice was soft, but his words startled you. “Married?”

“I mean, we’ve been together for a while. About time, no?”

Truthfully, you had thought about marriage quite a bit. The mere idea of it scared you. And talking about it scared you even more.

“You sound enthusiastic,” you joked.

“You know what I mean.” He looked down, clearly also nervous for this momentous discussion. Still, he kept his voice light and steady. “I love you. I can’t think of anyone else I’d want to spend the rest of my life with.”

“I’d hope not,” you chuckled. But your attempts at diffusing the tension with humor failed.

He adopted a more serious tone. “YN, I want to marry you,” he said. His eyes looked up to meet yours, and for some reason, you felt your heart drop into your stomach. “I’m not proposing right now, but it’s something we should start thinking and talking about.”

You looked out into the distance and took a shaky breath. Why was this so difficult?

“So, talk to me, amor,” he said.

“You want to marry me?” you asked, your voice small and squeaky.

“Of course I do,” he replied, brushing your hair out of your face. Now there were no barriers between you. “You’re the love of my life.”

You wanted to cry. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“I don’t know. It’s just so…final. What if something goes wrong?”

“Then we work through it, like we always do.” He was right. Your relationship with Franco had certainly had its rocky patches, but he treated you like a queen. You two overcame every obstacle, including your own mind that often worked against you. You often felt like you didn’t deserve someone so patient and kind.

“Things change when you get married.”

“I know,” he said. “I’m not saying any of this lightly. I’ve thought about it a lot.”

Even after years of loving him, it still surprised you whenever Franco told you that he thought of you. You could never get used to existing in his head when you physically weren’t there.

“What do you think about?” you asked, moving closer to him.

He reached his arm around your waist, resting his hand on your hip. “I think about you, in a white dress. We’d be in the church in Argentina.” You knew the one. He’d gone there growing up, and had shown it to you several times when you went to visit his family. “And we’d have a ridiculous party, into the morning,” he said smiling, leaning his head down closer to you. “And, a while after that, maybe a few months or a year or so, you’d be eating for two.”

You bit the inside of your cheek to stop your eyes from watering. “That sounds…”

“Perfect?”

No. You were going to say real. That sounds real. And it scared you.

Truthfully, you could imagine the wedding, and the babies, and the many happy years of being Franco’s wife.

But you could also imagine the distance. The exhaustion. The bitterness.

“Growing up, I never thought I’d get married,” you said, shifting the conversation. “I just… I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to marry me,” you laughed.

“I do,” he said. The effect of his words weren’t lost on you; the same words he would say to take the vow. “I want to marry you.”

You had told him a long time ago that your insecurities weren’t something he could fix. He remembered that, and he respected it. But still, it always broke his heart when he realized that even after years of loving you, those old wounds refused to heal.

“Why?” you asked. Your head was beginning to hurt from holding in all the tears.

“Why?” he echoed, incredulous at why you’d even need to ask such a ridiculous question. His voice held no malice, though. “Because I love you.”

“Don’t you get tired of this?”

“Of what?”

“Of…me being difficult for no good reason?”

“You’re not being difficult. Marriage is a huge deal, obviously. I don’t want us to rush into it if you’re not ready.”

“What if I’m never ready?”

He sighed. “Then…well, honestly, that would break my heart. I’d want you to work through whatever is holding you back. But I’d be with you every step of the way.”

You looked away into the distance. Part of you wanted to run and disappear in the thick foliage of the Spanish countryside. The other part of you wanted to bury your head in Franco’s chest, finally letting go of all the reservations that had haunted you for years.

You knew Franco. You loved Franco. You trusted Franco.

So why were you still so afraid?

“Mi amor,” he said, gently guiding your head so you had to look at him. “Do you want to get married?” He tilted his head closer to you.

You knew what he was asking. Not if you were ready right now, not if you were scared; but deep down, in your heart of hearts, did you want to marry Franco Colapinto?

“Yes,” you whispered. Just as he didn’t have to explain, neither did you. He knew what you meant; yes, but I’m scared. Yes, but I’m not ready. Yes, but I’m afraid I’ll never be ready.

He brought his lips to yours, gently kissing you as you let the few tears that had been welling up in your eyes finally go. When he pulled back, he wiped them away.

“We don’t have to make a decision now,” he said. “We’ve got time. I want us both to be ready.”

You kissed him again, this time more forceful. There was nothing sexier than a man with emotional intelligence.

He pulled away again to finish his thought. “Just keep thinking on it, okay? We can talk about it as much as you want.”

“Okay,” you said, smiling as he looked at you.

“What?” he asked, his own playful smile dancing across his face.

“You’re so hot when you respect my boundaries.”

He laughed. “Mi amor, that’s the bare minimum.”

“Keep going,” you joked, “I’m so close.”

“Don’t say that,” he said, leaning down to kiss your neck. “I’ll start misbehaving.”

“Maybe I want you to,” he said, sharply inhaling as he gently bit the skin on your neck, sure to leave a mark.

“You’ll be the death of me,” he whispered in your ear, sending shivers down your spine as he nibbled on your earlobe.

“Get me home and show me how horrible I am, then,” you teased, reaching out to touch his waist.

“We don’t even need to get home.” He reached up to hold your neck with one hand as he continued kissing up and down your jaw.

“Here?” you said, darting your eyes around.

“In the car,” he said, his voice already getting breathy.

“No,” you urged. “It’s new.”

“Exactly. We have to break it in, no? Or bless it,” he said. His hands were beginning to roam underneath the hem of your shirt now.

“You’d never forgive me if I messed up the seats.”

“They’re leather, it cleans easy. I can get it detailed.” He stifled your next complaint with a deep kiss. “No one is ever around here. And the windows are tinted,” he whispered into your mouth.

You laughed. “You’re a freak.”

“I’m your freak. And don’t lie, you love it,” he said, snaking his hand down to tease its way under your skirt. “I can tell how much you love it.”

You stopped him before his hand could go any further—after all, you were technically still in public.

“Get in the car, whore,” you joked, before Franco hopped up and nearly sprinted to open the car door and set his seat back as far as it could go.

He sat in the seat and patted his lap. “You joining me?”

You playfully rolled your eyes, getting up to meet your lover at the car and carefully climb onto his lap, occupying his lips with a deep kiss that he moaned into.

“Did you plan this?” you asked.

“Plan what?” he said, a devilish grin across his face.

“Bringing me out to your scenic spot to fuck me in your new sports car?”

“Wasn’t planned at all. I’m a spontaneous man.”

“Mhm. How many other girls did you bring here before we started dating?”

“Less talking, more fucking, yeah?” he said. You probably didn’t want to know the answer. But that was all in the past. Franco was yours—he had been for years now, and he wanted to be yours forever.

There would be time to think about that later. Right now, all you could think about was the beautiful boy sitting beneath you, looking at you as if he needed you as simply as he needed air. You could feel him hardening beneath you.

You shifted your weight to straddle him, grinding down on his length, eliciting a sharp exhale from him.

“You’re so needy today, Franco,” you said as you ran your fingers through his soft curls.

“I’m always needy for you.” He brought his lips back to yours, hungry for the taste of you. His lips trailed down to your jaw and neck. “YN, you don’t know what you do to me…”

“I think I can feel it,” you joked, softly grinding your clothed pussy over the growing bulge in his jeans.

“Don’t tease me,” he begged, roaming his hands up the hem of your blouse.

“But it’s so fun,” you said, leaning over to whisper in his ear. “I love to see you fall apart underneath me.”

“Fuck, YN—”

“Less talking, more fucking, no?” you said, mocking his statement from earlier. You met his mouth in a kiss, and he moved his hands down under your skirt, running up and down the soft skin of your thighs. When he finally teased his fingers over the wet spot that was already growing in your panties, you softly inhaled, showing your desire for him.

“I’m not the only needy one,” he teased, breathing in the smell of your perfume and shampoo, his head buried in your neck.

You softly moaned as he moved your panties to the side and began circling his fingers around your clit.

“Franco, fuck…”

“What happened to all that talk, huh? Or are you too busy trying not to cum on my fingers?”

All you could do was breathe as his fingers found their way inside of you, pumping in and out to prepare you for his cock.

“Don’t try to stop it,” he said, “let go. Cum for me.”

You obeyed, your legs shaking as your walls pulsated on his fingers. You whimpered into his neck, steadying yourself by holding him.

He kissed your cheek, but wasted no time in unzipping his jeans and plunging into you while you rode out the waves of your orgasm. He let out a breathy moan as he felt the sweet warmth of you wrapped around him.

You were overcome with sensation; the burn of his cock stretching you out, the last dregs of pleasure now mixed with the pain, and the burn in your legs from sitting in the same position for too long.

It was all the more motivation to bounce up and down on his cock, finding a steady rhythm as he guided his hands to your hips.

You rested your head next to his, moaning into his ear with every thrust. The small space of the car may be cramped, but you couldn’t help but appreciate the intimacy of the moment. Franco’s eyes were closed in sensual bliss, his breath ragged as you increased your speed.

You wanted to watch him come undone from the sinful pleasure that your pussy brought him.

“YN—” he moaned, his hands digging hard enough into your hips to leave bruises, “Oh, God, YN, you always feel so fucking good. So good for me.”

You whimpered from both the praise and the pleasure. You had to slow down—the fast stamina was too much on your legs, which were now burning from the awkward position you were stuck in.

“I think you were made for me,” Franco whispered. “And I was made for you. See how well we fit together?” He took control, lifting you up as if you were weightless and bouncing you up and down on his own. You yelped at first, then your surprise gave way to bliss as you both chased your release.

But Franco was relentless in his praise. “You’re my fucking soulmate. I wanna fuck you every day for the rest of our lives.”

“Franco, I’m so close—”

“Cum for me, mi amor. Again.” His own voice was strangled with desire, so close to his own peak.

With a high pitched whine, you obeyed, and the heavenly feeling of your walls contracted around him brought your lover to the edge soon after.

And when you did both finish, you held each other, too tired to even move from the uncomfortable position from the car.

Franco was a talker. You always knew that. He loved nothing more than to fill your ears with sweet nothings when you made love. But the context of the conversation that just transpired weighed on you, even with the comfort of Franco’s hands rubbing small circles into your back as you both tried to catch your breath.

“You okay?” he asked, and you murmured in response, unable to form any coherent words in the aftermath of everything. “Let’s get home and we can take a shower, yeah?”

A warm shower sounded heavenly right now. You awkwardly shimmied your way into the passenger seat and took one last look at the view, thankful that the overlook was still deserted. You sighed as you settled in and buckled your seatbelt, relishing the relief of finally being able to stretch your legs.

“Hey,” Franco asked as he readjusted his seat and turned on the car. “Are you okay, really?”

“Yeah,” you said. It was true; you were exhausted, overwhelmed, and hurting, but it was all worth it for him.

He leaned over to kiss your cheek and smiled before putting the car in reverse.

The third item that Franco had to buy was the ring.

Truthfully, the conversation hadn’t gone as smoothly as he would have liked. In his dreams, you'd jumped for joy when he’d broached the subject, and you’d live happily ever after.

But despite his disappointment, he understood your hesitancy. He was just as afraid to ask the question as you were to say yes. He knew that your struggles with self esteem and anxiety were lifelong. He knew all this about you from the very beginning, and he loved you anyway.

Still, it was times like this when it broke his heart that he couldn’t fix it.

It didn’t matter. You’d come around eventually, you always did. And you had been honest when you said you wanted to marry him—there was just a lot of stuff in the way, mentally and emotionally.

So yes, he’d wait a while before he popped the question. But that didn’t mean he had to wait to buy the ring.

He knew the exact one. You had fallen in love with it years ago, when you had worn it in a PR shoot for one of his high profile sponsors. Though time had passed, he still remembered the sadness in your eyes when you had to give it back after the photoshoot. He had vowed to himself that day that he’d earn enough to get you that ring.

And now he finally had.

A few days after your conversation, he found the now faded card that he had stuck in his wallet and called the number. When the same brand rep picked up, he exhaled, letting go of his fear.

“Franco! How nice to hear from you. I was beginning to think we’d scared you away.”

“No,” he laughed. “The opposite, actually.”

“Let me guess. You’re ready for that ring?”

‘How’d you know?”

“I’ve been doing this a long time. When a woman looks at a ring like that, and she’s with a man that truly loves her, it’s just a matter of time.”

He had swiped another ring of yours to get the measurements, and he completed the entire order over the phone on his drive back home from a day of pre-season meetings. He had three months before the beginning of the new season, and he wanted to propose before that so you could start wedding planning once the season started. Would three months be enough time for you to think about it? He didn’t know.

But he couldn’t wait any longer. The giddiness was eating him alive.

You could tell something was amiss, but the idea of a proposal was the last thing on your mind.

Franco was hiding his phone from you. Which meant that Franco was hiding something important from you, and he was doing a horrible job of it.

Your lover was never the type to be quiet or secretive about…anything really. He talked too much. You had to physically restrain him every Christmas from spoiling what he got you weeks in advance. So if there was something that he was truly trying to hide, it was something major.

And it scared you.

The thought that you had been holding back for years finally broke through one night where he put his phone face down at the dinner table after his phone lit up with several notifications.

“Who’s texting you?” you asked, trying to keep your voice innocent despite the rush of dread that was rising in your stomach.

“No one,” he answered, too quickly for your liking. You didn’t respond.

You knew Franco was attractive. Every girl would kill to have him. He was kind, funny, beautiful, and flirtatious. But he was yours. Right?

Franco had never crossed the line before. You trusted him with your life. But something within you just felt deeply, deeply wrong, and it came spilling out later that night when he tried to touch you.

His phone was left on the nightstand, untouched since dinner; his focus was on you, running his hand up and down your side, gently dressing his lips to your shoulder as you faced away from him.

“Not tonight,” you whispered, unable to keep your voice from shaking.

“All you alright, mi amor?” he asked, pulling back your shoulder to make you face him, seeing how you were desperately trying to keep the tears at bay.

“I’m fine,” you said, biting the inside of your cheek.

Even after all your years together, Franco never quite knew when to press on and when to keep quiet when you said those two infamous words. And he didn’t have much time to think, because you rose from the bed and left the room, mumbling about needing a minute to get fresh air.

You stepped onto the back porch and took a deep breath, steadying your heart rate and calming your nerves, if only for a moment. The night air was serene; you felt vile contaminating the peace with your anxiety.

Would this last forever? You couldn’t remember a time when you hadn’t felt this push and pull. You wanted to tell Franco to go, to relieve himself of the burden of your mental illness. You wanted to bottle up every insecurity, every doubt, every negative thought into a vault that you didn’t share with anyone.

But you couldn’t. If Franco left you’d be broken. You couldn’t stop yourself from letting these thoughts and fears control you. In the past, therapy had helped, but you knew this was a weight you’d always have to carry. And that made you miserable.

So yes, maybe it was for the better that Franco move on, find someone better, more stable, and build a life with her.

“Mi amor?”

Franco’s voice broke your hopeless contemplation.

“Talk to me,” he said.

You just shook your head. He must be so tired of reassuring you, endlessly, knowing that it didn’t help one bit.

“YN,” he urged, “you know I don’t like it when you try to shoulder everything alone.”

“I’m sorry,” you said. That was all you could say. “I’m sorry that I’m like this.”

“Like what?”

“Impossible.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. We have the same conversation over and over again. Don’t you get tired of it? Of having to reassure me and it never helping? Of me crying over every little thing? Franco, I’m a mess!”

“YN…” he sighed, “When have I ever said any of that?”

He was right. He had never expressed any frustration regarding your mental struggles. He had always been there when you needed him.

“I’m sorry.”

“Have you just been up in your head, or did something happen?”

You contemplated lying, but you knew better. “You set your phone face down at dinner.”

“I— did you think I was…?”

“It’s not you, Franco. It’s never you. That’s the worst part. You have to deal with all of this and it’s not your fault at all,” you said, not even allowing him to say aloud what you both knew was true.

Franco took a deep breath. “YN,” he said, calmly, “let’s go back inside and go through my phone.”

“No—”

“Yes,” he commanded. “I want you to be 100% confident that I love you and only you.”

“Franco—”

“Let’s go.”

He had a firmness in his voice that only made your anxiety worse, and immediately you felt horrible for even insinuating anything to the opposite. But he was your rock of reason in times like these when your anxiety took over, and so you followed his command, unlocking his phone when he handed it to you.

As expected, there was no incriminating evidence, just far too many unopened emails and messages left on delivered. Even his recently deleted texts showed nothing.

The buzzing that you had been so afraid of turning out to be…emails from a jewelry company?

“I ordered a custom necklace for your birthday,” Franco explained. “They’ve been so difficult, though. They lost the order and then sent me the wrong thing. It’s been hell.”

You handed back the phone with your head hung low, ashamed. “I’m sorry I ruined the surprise.”

“You know I would have ruined it beforehand anyway,” he said. “I’m not upset at you.”

“You should be. You deserve someone who trusts you.”

“You do trust me,” he said, “I know you do. It’s not you that’s saying this.”

Fuck. Franco really did know you too well.

“You know why I stay with you, even with all this?” You looked up at him, curious for the answer. He had never been this direct before. He continued, “Well, first of all, because I love you. But even during times when I’m frustrated, I remember everything we’ve been through, when you forgave me and were there for me when I didn’t deserve it. I was so close to losing you and it terrified me.”

Once again, your eyes were watering. He said, “I promised myself that if you really gave me a chance, I’d never forget it. I’d be there for you and be the best boyfriend I could be. Because…” he paused, searching for the right words, “I know that some of why you feel these things is because of how I acted in the past. I’ve done my best to make it right, but some things never leave you.”

“When did you become so damn wise?” you said, laughing through the tears as he smiled and wiped them away.

“You bring out the best in me.”

The conversation was laid to rest then. Franco held you until you fell asleep, safe in his arms. As he heard your soft breaths even out, he grabbed his phone and frantically searched for a necklace to buy to cover his lie.

He hated lying to you, but in this case, what else was he to do?

The necklace and the ring arrived a few weeks later, right before you all were scheduled to take a flight to Buenos Aires to spend the rest of the break with his family.

But he had a plan. The break in Buenos Aires would be one to remember—for your “birthday” he was also flying out your friends and family for a few days. He had the whole idea plotted out, with help from many others, to plan a surprise karting birthday celebration, with all your loved ones there. Then, he would propose.

It seemed so perfect—surrounded by all your loved ones, doing a fun activity, the perfect balance between public and private. He knew you’d love it. He knew you’d say yes.

He was giddy as he carefully packed the two jewelry boxes in his luggage, surrounded by clothes for safe keeping.

And as the day of the birthday party came closer and closer, he could barely hold in his excitement. Everyone knew but you; he had colluded with every guest, telling them his plan and getting their blessing to finally ask you to spend the rest of your life with him.

Everything was perfect. The day before, you parents and friends arrived, and Franco told you everything but the grand reveal.

He gave you the present, a beautiful necklace that complimented your tastes perfectly. You split a bottle of wine amongst loved ones, and your parents brought out their own gift: a photo album of pictures that they’d never been able to show Franco.

You cringed at the embarrassing baby photos and records of bad middle school haircuts, but you couldn’t help the tipsy smile on your face. You leaned your head on Franco’s shoulder as he flipped through the pages.

Franco’s mother got out her own photo albums, showing picture after picture of him as a baby, his blonde curls and toothy grin smiling from ear to ear.

“You were such a cute baby,” you giggled, and he blushed.

“Were? I’m still a cute baby,” he joked, kissing you on the cheek. You scrunched your nose and smiled.

You were so in love with this man that it hurt.

That night, when you all retired to your room, he rubbed your back, enjoying the simple quiet between you two.

“I love you,” you said to him out of the blue. He smiled; he said those words often, and you always said them back, but it was rarer, more meaningful, for you to say them unprompted.

“But it’s not fair. You were a cute baby and you’re cute now. You can’t have both,” you giggled.

“We’d make cute babies,” he teased, and you blushed.

“You trying to find out?” you responded, the alcohol in your veins giving you more boldness.

“Not when you’re this tipsy,” he said. “Besides, I need to put a ring on your finger first.”

At the mention of marriage, you sobered up quickly. You hadn’t really been thinking about that conversation you’d had back in Spain—in fact, every time you thought about it, it just made you more anxious, so it had the opposite effect of you actively avoiding it.

Of course, you were still scared. You loved Franco more than words could say, and that was the problem—it was so good that eventually, it would have to not be good. It was a backwards logic, yes, you had convinced yourself that at some point, things would only be able to go down.

You didn’t want to lose this beautiful thing you had created. But Franco had said he wasn’t planning to propose any time soon, right? In your mind, you still had plenty of time.

But Franco did not, and the next morning was chaos.

His phone was blowing up with last minute organizing and words of encouragement from your friends and family in the proposal plan group chat. He was sweating bullets, constantly checking his pockets before you all left for the kart track to make sure that yes, he had the ring. He contemplated putting it in his bag instead, but he didn’t want to lose it, so he ultimately settled on his pockets.

He knew that he needed to stop checking them or else you’d notice and ask. You were always observant, in that way.

But every time he sat down, the stupid box kept falling out of his shorts. The pockets were too small. He’d just have to check one last time before he left the house and be careful. Yes, everything was going to go according to plan.

And as you all arrived and he changed into his race suit quickly, all he could think about was the speech he had tried to memorize. You were a woman who appreciated words; he wanted to express how you made him feel, but in his head, he kept stumbling over them.

YN, you make me so happy. No, too simple.

YN, will you make me the happiest man in the world? No, too cliche.

YN, I never knew happiness until I saw your smile. No, too melodramatic.

He’d have to figure out the words as he said them. For now, he’d just focus on enjoying the moment with you.

And that wasn’t hard; you were as giddy as a child as you sped around the track, spinning out and pushing the poor kart to go faster and faster.

Franco had arranged a tournament of sorts; of course, he had spoken with everyone beforehand to rig you as the winner.

On your end, you knew everyone was letting you win. You were awful at karting. But it was your birthday event, after all. You didn’t care, you were having fun.

It came down to the “championship” battle: you versus Franco. Of course, you knew your boyfriend would let you win, as he always did, but you loved the rush of adrenaline as the wind whipped past you anyway. You couldn’t stop smiling as you crossed the finish line and took off your helmet, flipping your hair out.

You heard Franco stop his car behind you and get out, too.

“I can’t believe YN won!” Franco’s mother said, smiling wide.

“Thank you all for so graciously giving me that win,” you joked, looking to all your family and friends circled round, cheering for you. Franco was behind you still. You almost turned to him, but his mother interrupted. “Let me take a picture!”

This was the moment. All he had to do was take the ring out of his pocket and get down on one knee.

He reached in his pocket and pulled out… nothing.

His pockets were empty.

He looked back at his father, the fear of God in his eyes, and patted his empty pockets. No one said a word.

His mother, now done with taking the picture, leaned over to give you a hug. She sent a death glare to Franco over your shoulder, but still gave him the time to sprint back to the locker room to try and find the goddamn thing.

He ran faster than his F1 car could drive, cursing under his breath at how stupid he could be. He could still save this, though.

He found his bag and shook out the contents, frantically searching, until finally, at the bottom of the bag, he saw the box. He must have stuck it there while changing and forgot about it.

He let out a breath with enough power to shake the entire building. He opened the box to get a quick glance just to make sure everything was okay.

Except, everything wasn’t. There was no ring in the box.

He had grabbed the empty necklace box.

Knowing you were far enough away to not hear him, he sweared very, very loudly. Unbeknownst to Franco, his father had followed him back to the locker room.

“Did you find it, mijo?”

“I brought the wrong box,” he said, “This is for the necklace.”

His father sighed. “Franco…”

“I know, I know.”

“We can still fix this. Give her the ring at dinner!”

“I guess I’ll have to,” Franco said. He had never been more disappointed in himself. He had ruined everything.

“Hey,” his father said, “chin up. You’ve still got this. The ring will be the perfect end to the perfect day, okay?”

“Okay,” he said, still not entirely convinced. But you would be wondering where he went soon; he couldn’t stay and mope too long.

His father left him to go relay the information to the rest of the group. Franco took a few deep breaths as he changed, mentally readying himself to see you again. He put on a smile as he saw you waiting for him outside the track with the others.

“So, we’ll all head back and get ready, then meet for dinner tonight?” his mother said.

“Sounds good,” Franco answered, wrapping his arm around you as he walked you back to the car.

Thankfully, when you got back to his parent’s house, you immediately wanted to take a shower and wash your hair, giving him time to search the entire room. Which he did, from top to bottom, and he still couldn’t find the ring.

It was just…gone. He had gone through every compartment of his suitcase, every pocket in his clothes, every hiding space. Still, it was nowhere to be found.

His parents even helped him look, carefully parsing through every possible place until it was too late. You were nearly ready for dinner, and they all had to rush to get ready to make it to the restaurant in time for the reservation.

Franco texted the groupchat the horrible news—he had fucked up. He had lost the ring. There would be no proposal.

Kind words flooded his phone, but they meant nothing to the depressed Argentine. He had planned this out so perfectly; how did it end so badly?

And the worst part? He couldn’t even tell you.

The atmosphere at dinner was more somber than usual. His sister had bought a bottle of nice champagne that would now have to go unopened. He would just have to propose some other time.

That’s what he reminded himself, every time the thought came up and threatened to choke him. Maybe next time he would fly his family out to Spain instead. He wasn’t in any rush. And you’d never have to know how badly he fumbled.

Well, while you didn’t know the details, you could tell something was up. You mentioned it to Franco on the way home.

“Is something wrong?” you asked, and Franco cringed internally. He was always bad about hiding his emotions.

“No, I’m fine,” he answered.

“Well, everyone at dinner just seemed…off.”

“Probably just tired.”

You just hummed to yourself, refusing to allow your thoughts to wander any further. You, too, were tired. When you got back to the house, you both started to get undressed, taking off your fancy heels and jewelry.

You took off your necklace—the beautiful gift that Franco had given you, that you’d now treasure forever—but the box wasn’t on the nightstand where you had left it yesterday.

“Franco, have you seen my necklace box?” you asked from the bedroom. He was in the bathroom washing his face, and only barely heard you over the running of water. The mention of the box just made the whole night worse.

“Yeah, it’s in my bag,” he said, and you raised an eyebrow. How had your necklace box ended up there?

You leaned down to his bag, rustling around until you found the familiar box, though it was heavier than you remembered.

When you opened it, you were nearly blinded by the glint of a beautiful diamond engagement ring.

It was familiar; the same ring you had fallen in love with years ago. And it was in Franco’s bag. He had…bought you an engagement ring.

He was going to propose.

You could feel your heart rate increasing by the second. But you weren’t ready. You had only talked about it a few weeks ago. You were scared.

It was okay, though. It was okay. You would just put the ring back. You’d find a way to hint to him that it wasn’t the right time. You could just fake it. He’d never have to—

“YN?”

You looked up at Franco’s face, widened with shock. You didn’t respond.

“Where did you find that?”

“In your bag.” Your voice was barely above a whisper.

“I—” Franco was too stunned to speak. You quickly closed the box and put it back in the bag.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t see anything. This never happened,” you said, your voice rapidly talking without even thinking. You got up to leave the room, too anxious to stay seated, talking to yourself even after you were out of earshot of your lover.

Franco sat on the bed and sighed. Now he had majorly fucked up. First of all, how had no one found the ring in his bag, even after 3 people looked in there? And second of all, how did you find it?

But that wasn’t the biggest issue anymore. His plan had already been ruined, but he knew by the look on your face that your surprise was not a good one. He saw that fear that nestled itself into every crevice of your expression.

You weren’t happy to find that ring. Not because it had ruined the surprise element—you just didn’t want him to propose.

He now had two options. He could do what he knew you’d want: act as if nothing ever happened and never broach the subject of marriage for several years to come, allowing you to shove away all those scary feelings until you’d deluded yourself into thinking you were over it.

Or, he could do what he needed to do, and talk to you.

He took a deep breath and followed you outside.

You were sitting on the back porch. Not crying, just quiet, looking out into the backyard. When Franco sat next to you, you didn’t say anything. He reached out to grab your hand, and you let him, softly admiring how he curled his thumb around your palm in soothing circles.

“The plan,” he began, “was to ask you today. At the karting track. But I brought the wrong box.” He softly smiled at the absurdity of it. “When you were getting ready we were all frantically looking for it. I don’t know how we missed it.”

You just hummed in response, unsure of what to say. You needed to be honest. You needed to say the difficult things.

You began, though your voice felt choked. “Franco, if you would have asked me today, I would have said no.” You felt his hand tense up. “I mean, I would have said yes, because everyone was there. But…”

You trailed off, your words fleeing from you now.

“I don’t understand,” Franco confessed. “We’re happy. You’re happy with me, aren’t you?”

“I am.”

“Then why don’t you want to marry me?” His voice dripped with sadness, and all you wanted to do was hold him. You turned your head to face him, and the deep sorrow in his eyes nearly brought you to tears.

“I do want to. I just…”

“I’ve done everything I can to be good to you. I’ve tried to always be there. I know I’m not perfect, but—”

“It’s not you, Franco. It was never you.”

“Then why? What can I do?” His voice cracked, seeping with hopelessness and frustration. “If it’s not because of me, then what am I supposed to do?”

You got up. “Come here,” you said, and led him to the living room. The home was quiet; his parents were asleep, and the vast emptiness of the home was eerie.

You grabbed the photo album that your parents had given you, and sat down on the couch, motioning for Franco to sit next to you.

You opened it to a picture of you at your 4th birthday party. In the photo, you grimaced though the uncomfortable sensation of a plastic party hat. “Do you see her?” you asked him. He nodded.

“I remember feeling like this when I was that little. This…fear. I desperately wanted friends but was too afraid to talk to anyone.”

You flipped to the next page, pointing to a photo of you sitting alone in a park, a forced smile across your face. “What do you notice about this picture?” you asked him.

Franco leaned in closer to look. “I don’t know,” he said.

“I’m alone. See all the other kids in the background?”

You kept flipping until you found the first photo of you when Franco knew you. You were fifteen, smack in the middle of your awkward teenage years, in the stands at one of his races.

“I remember that,” he said.

“That’s me, spending time with my first real friend,” you said. “I didn’t know it yet, but I had a huge crush on him,” you joked.

“He was going to ask you to marry him today. And you just told him you would have said no.”

“I know,” you said, trying to be gentle with your tone. “But what I’m trying to say is that you’re not just asking me. You’re asking her. And she feels so alone, and she’s scared to trust anyone.”

Franco sat with the thought for a moment, before getting up to grab his own photo book. He opened it to the first page, and pointed to a photo of him as a toddler, wrapped in a scarf, toothy grin spread wide.

“And that’s who asked you.”

You felt a knot of emotion in your stomach break. All you wanted was to cry.

“This goes both ways, YN,” Franco continued. “I understand that you’re scared. But I can’t fix that fear. Only you can.”

The dam broke, your tears flooding forth. He was right. So you told him.

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” you said, and he wrapped his arm around you, rubbing your back through the tears.

“I’m not perfect either. I shouldn’t have rushed it, I was just excited.”

“Don’t apologize for being excited to propose,” you laughed through your tears. “I should probably go back to therapy.”

“If you think that’ll help,” he said.

“It will,” you sniffled. “I just… I’ve been so afraid that I’ve been ignoring all the signs. I should have seen this coming. You’re never that excited to let me beat you in karting.”

He smiled at your banter. You continued, “But really, you’re right. I’ve just been avoiding this because I’m scared, getting up in my head. I just feel so happy and that scares me, because at some point it has to fall apart, right? You’re never happy forever.”

“You’re not unhappy forever, either. Of course we’d have rough spots. But that’s the beauty of marriage,” he said, “you vow to be there for each other through it all.”

“How did I get so lucky to have you?” you asked, meeting his gaze.

His eyes were full of compassion and love. “I’m the lucky one.” He leaned down to kiss you.

You didn’t really believe him. You still didn’t understand how someone so perfect could love you, someone so…broken. But one day you would. You had to.

The next year was difficult. You began your healing journey again—a journey you were convinced you’d be on your entire life. But you’d do it for him, and for you.

And slowly, bit by bit, the wounds began to heal.

It wasn’t linear. With Franco’s new contract, he had lots of attention and responsibilities. He was away from home more. He was tired, stressed, more short-tempered. There were arguments. Some days it felt like you took one step forward and two steps back.

But you made it through. For every argument there was an honest conversation. For every night away there was a sweet gesture or text message to remind you that he still loved you, and from it grew a solid, blooming trust. For every mistake—on both ends—there was an apology and a commitment to be better. For every night of tears, there was a night of laughter with the man you loved most in the world.

And by the end of the season, you and the relationship were stronger than ever.

Of course, things weren’t perfect. But the fear that had once held you hostage was an adversary you knew you could overcome.

Franco kept the ring in his nightstand. You had found it again one day while cleaning. It wasn’t really hidden, as if to say, we’ll get to this later. It was no secret now. You just put it back in its place and smiled, going on about your day.

But Franco had been giving the proposal much thought. He decided against inviting anyone again, wanting it to be a tender moment of vulnerability between you and him.

No, he wanted this time to be simple. Honest.

He just hoped you were ready.

A few weeks before the beginning of the next season, he took you out to the place where all this had begun; the outlook in the countryside, where he first told you that he wanted to marry you.

This time, he double and triple checked to make sure the ring was there in his pocket.

The sun was setting over the Spanish countryside, painting the sky rich shades of orange and yellow. The air had cooled with the impending coming of night.

He opened your car door and set up a blanket on the ground, where you sat and he laid his head in your lap, letting your fingers run through his hair as a way to calm his nerves.

He took a deep breath as he sat up, and you knew what was coming. Again, he had rehearsed a speech, but almost instantly forgot it the second he opened his mouth.

“YN,” he began, looking you directly in the eyes, “I… I love you. So much. More than words can say.” He was nervous, swallowing before he continued, letting his eyes wander off to the picturesque view. But he had more important things to be looking at.

“I can’t imagine a version of my life without you in it. I grew up with you. I want to grow old with you. You’ve made me into the best version of myself. We’ve gone through so many things and come out on the other side so much stronger. And I want this,” he said, reaching out to wipe away the happy tears that now flowed down your cheeks. “I want to be with you. Even though we’re both imperfect, even though we both have our problems to work through, YN, I want to do this with you, forever. I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up next to you. I want to have children and grandchildren with you. I…” he trailed off, not knowing how to finally say what he really wanted to say.

You smiled through the tears. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring, flipping it open and showing it to you.

“Marry me,” he whispered.

Your smile widened. “Yes,” you answered. “Yes.”

He kissed you with a fervent passion. When he pulled away, his smile couldn’t be contained.

“She said yes!” he cried out, though you both were alone. “I did it! She said yes!” You laughed at his antics.

In a few weeks, you’d have the official photo shoot where he got down on one knee. You’d show the world the carefully constructed version that was all they got to see.

But this was real. And maybe it was imperfect; maybe he hadn’t really asked, more instructed, and maybe he hadn’t gotten down on one knee, and maybe, yes, you had found the ring beforehand.

But this was real. In all the ups and downs, the hurt and healing, this love you shared with your now fiance was real. The world didn’t get to see that.

And maybe that fear was still within you. It was smaller now. And when you had seen that shine of the ring, maybe you had felt it rise within you again. But you knew now that it was just a feeling, something you could control. You didn’t have to ignore it or let it reign you. It was just there.

It wasn't real though. And this was. The cold metal of the ring slid onto your finger. The feeling of Franco’s lips on yours. The strain in your face muscles from all the smiling. His hand around your waist, pulling you closer as the sun dipped below the sky, leaving you and your lover alone in the dark—yes, this was real.

And this was yours; he was yours.

For the first time in a long time, you knew you had nothing to fear.

320 notes · View notes

wangxianficfinder · 11 months ago

Text

In the mood for...

March 25th

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1. hi! y'all are really cool! A) are there any fics where a-yuan (raised by the wens/wwx) wields suibian when he gets older?

also, are there fics B) where jiang cheng dual wields suibian with sandu? @writeitinsharpie

1A)

Though one were strong as seven, he too with death shall dwell (For many times and lands) by sjyl_lotus (E, 148k, wangxian, WIP, Major Character Death, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts, YLLZ WWX, LSZ is a Wei, WWX Adopts LSZ, WWX doesn't go to nightless city, WWX runs away with a-yuan and granny Wen, Little bit of angst, Wéi Yuan is an excelent son, WWX Doesn't die, people is people and overall JGY is JGY so shit will happen, JYL Lives, Wangxian Reunion, Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lanling Jin Sect, Yunmeng Jiang Sect, Gusu Lan Sect Rules, Gusu Lan Sect, Burial Mounds, granny wen is best, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Implied/Referenced Torture, Panic Attacks, supportive WSZ, Anxiety Attacks, Canon-Typical Violence, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Slow Build, MXY Deserves Happiness)

🔒❤️ kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf, tardigradeschool (T, 75k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Kid Fic, teen shenanigans, two a-yuans, Fluff and Angst)

1B)

The Twin Blades of Yunmeng by GhostySword, ofmindelans (T, 89k, JC & WWX, wangxian, JC/NHS, Canon Divergence, Yunmeng Brothers Reconciliation, BAMF JC, protective LWJ, Golden Core Reveal, Swords and Feelings, WWX Resurrection, Canon-Typical Violence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Embedded Images, Sect Leader QS)

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2. Hi!

For the next itmf :

Looking for the fics that talk about NHS a) as the real author of the spring books he was distributing. Imagined and painted .

B) Or another version where he specifically was giving WWX spring books with gay sex or bi threesomes maybe

C) fics with focus on wwx browsing NHS spring books and doing some thinking about sexuality and self exploration

Thank you!

2B)

Fentao-laoshi’s Guide to Cut-Sleeve Pleasures by occultings (microcomets) (E, 31k, wangxian, canon divergence, pining while fucking, friends with benefits, first time, cloud recesses study arc, practice kissing, sharing a bed, jealousy, getting together, confessions, happy ending) could also fit 2C

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3. hii this is for itmf!!

fics where lan yuan is still like a toddler!! or even an infant!!!

💖 The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 71k, wangxian, modern, accidental baby acquisition, slow burn, pining)

box your errors by mellowflicker (T, 42k, WangXian, Modern AU, single dad lwj, Domestic Fluff, Family Issues, Slow Burn, Kid Fic, let lwj have friends agenda, Hurt/Comfort, Pining)

🔒 so take my hand (take my whole life too) by cicer (E, 92k, wangxian, Modern, Accidental Baby Acquisition, oh my god they were roommates, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, this fic is not about trauma, it's about the yearning, slowburn, some characters have a pretty strong bias against folks with drug addiction, (this does not reflect the author's opinion of people with addiction disorders!), none of the really grim abuse/drug use affects our main characters, and it takes place offscreen)

The stuffed bunny, the beautiful nephew, and other gifts from Lan Qiren by deliciousblizzardshark (G, 8k, LQR & WWX, wangxian, Modern, Single Parent WWX, Good Uncle LQR, Accidental Uncle Acquisition, Found Family, Fluff)

Let's Play Pretend and Live Our Lives by Tassos (E, 50k, wangxian, Modern, On Purpose Baby Aquisition, Accidental Husband Aquisition, Idiots in Love, WWX Has Self Esteem Issues, Domestic Fluff, Kid Fic, Light Angst, the Lans and Jiangs make an appearance, NHS Gives Great Advice, Pining, Getting Together)

Magic Mishap by Regency_Bunny (T, 8k, wangxian, Modern, imbo LXC, Single Parent WWX, Kid Fic, Magic Tricks, Fluff and Humor, Child LSZ, Meet-Cute, Bunnies, Misunderstandings, Love at First Sight)

~*~

4. Hi, I'm in a mood for fantasy AUs with necromancer WWX ^^ Can also be modern w magic

Darkness Before the Dawn by Selenay (E, 64k, wangxian, Zombie Apocalypse, Modern With Magic, Necromancer WWX, Reunions, toddler A-Yuan, There Was Only One Bed, There are zombies but not graphically horrific zombies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Find a home in the middle of an apocalpyse)

all the bonds of nature by Anonymous (E, 68k, wangxian, MXY & WWX, MXY & LWJ & WWX, WIP, Modern with Magic, Romantic Comedy, Roommates to lovers, Pining LWJ, Pining, LWJ falls in love in roughly fifteen seconds, he's a mess what can i say, Necromancy, ethical necromancer WWX, Music Teacher LWJ, Fluff and Smut, a lot of meditation on the bullshit of being a public school teacher, musings on the nature of personal property and land ownership as one is wont to do, Ghosts, Urban Fantasy, Low Fantasy, wangxian are extremely weirdo4weirdo in this, Light Angst, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Rimming, Felching, Light Bondage, Virginity Roleplay, (just a little. wwx is not good at playing the virgin), Kink Negotiation, Praise Kink, BDSM, Developing Relationship, Dominant LWJ)

necromancy is a valid career path! Series by coslyons, Skadiseven (T, 41k, WWX & XY, XY & WQ, WN & XY, WWX & WN & WQ, LSZ & XY, LWJ & XY, wangxian, Granny Wen & XY, Modern with Magic, Seattle, Necromancy, Found Family, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Gardens & Gardening, Mathematics, Running, and other crimes against Teenagers, XY is a shitty teen, sometimes a family can be three mildly feral twenty-somethings and the extremely feral teenager that adopts them, Growing Up, The Mortifying Ordeal of Realizing Your Pseudo-parents are People Too, Big brother XY, A-Yuan is a little gremlin, WWX is a much larger gremlin)

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5. Hi! 🤗

This one is for ITMF. I'd like to read new fics about WWX having a new golden core. No mordern fics or dark ones, please, I'm not in the mood 🙏. I want happy endings!

Thanks again! You make my days much better!!

🥰✨ @wangxiansgirl

The Core Issue by Hauntcats (T, 21k, wangxian, WQ & WWX & WN, NHS & WWX & NMJ, canon divergence, golden core rebuilding, golden core tied to soul, angst w/ happy ending, not JC friendly) WWX meditates a golden core back

when you’re doing all the leaving (then it’s never your love lost) by tardigradeschool (T, 26k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Sharing a Bed, Sharing Clothes, Fix-It, the inherent eroticism of under robes, Golden Core Transfer) LWJ gives WWX a part of his own core

🧡 a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke ( M, 180k, WangXian, Arranged marriage, Canon Divergence, Hurt/comfort, Light angst, Canon typical violence) Technically not a new golden core, but a new core of a different type

The Fire Lapping Up the Creek by notevenyou (E, 66k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Injury, Injury Recovery, Blood, Respiratory Illness, Major Illness, Fever, Grief/Mourning, Burial Mounds, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hunger and food scarcity, Surgery, Fix-It of Sorts) WWX gets part of someone else's core transplanted into him

Ghosts Shouldn’t by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 15k, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)

Righteous at a Cost by thunderwear (G, 21k, wangxian, LQR & WWX, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, no one dies, LQR finds out about WWX's core, WWX and LQR are friends??, In My Fic?, its more likely than you think, LWJ in the bg like whats happening?, Fluff, WWX goes to Gusu, Mutual Pining, Golden Core Reveal)

Can't Tell Me Nothin by natacup82 (T, 35k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Everybody Lives, Family Feels, Communication, BAMF Women)

🔒Away from Trouble by Ilona22 (M, 15k, wangxian, Alternate Universe, Not JC Friendly, WangXian Get a Happy Ending) This is one of my personal favorites, for the growth wwx goes through and what he accomplishes separate from the sects while regrowing a new core for himself. (However, the author doesn’t spend enough time on wangxian romance for it to not just feel like something they tacked on to fill that required box, so don’t go in expecting good wangxian)

What Is Left Over by Loriqod (T, 30k, wangxian, JC & WWX, Yunmeng Shuangjie, Yunmeng brothers, Post-Canon Fix-It, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Happy Ending, WangXian in Love, SO SO SO IN LOVE, bite-sized angst, Canon-Typical Violence, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Training Montage) This one’s WWX redeveloping a core in MXY’s body. It might not be quite what you had in mind, but give it a chance, this fic is ALL about him actually cultivating with the idea of making a new core, & it’s rare to find a fic with that focus. (Even amongst fics that are suppose to be all about that(for some reason people are allergic to showing WWX actually cultivate))

I’m Sorry & Thank You by Iamnotawriter (T, 12k, wangxian, post-canon, Canon Compliant, Golden Core, Canon-Typical Violence, LQR’s epipheny, Angst with a Happy Ending)

Bitter Plants Bearing Sweet Fruit by Kryal (T, 83k, wangxian, canon-typical horror elements, Worldbuilding, Desert, Misuse of Historic Setting, Original Character Death(s), Case Fic, aftermath of canon, Established Relationship, Nothing Explicit But Shameless Innuendo)

~*~

6. Alright everyone, give me everything you have where either: (A) WWX is an actual rogue cultivator at the start of the fic, or (B) he leaves the Jiangs (via Madam Yu banishment or getting fed up with them an leaving on his own) and spends time as a rogue cultivator. (I want to see my boy in the wild doing the wild cultivator thing) if he doesn’t have a core at the beginning of the fic, I would appreciate recs where he regains it at some point. I have a Wangxian agenda btw, so WX endgame plz. @omgnectarina

Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending) WWX is sent back in time to when he was a child & doesn't get taken in by the Jiangs

We Meet at the Thousandth Step by Admiranda, Rynne (T, 258k, wangxian, CSSR/WCZ, WIP, Canon Divergence, No Sunshot Campaign, CSSR & WCZ Live, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Different First Meeting, Night Hunts, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Romance, Drama, Fluff, Strangers to married, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Everyone Lives AU, Developing Relationship, Minor Violence, Case Fic, Mystery, Flirting, WWX's Canon-Typical Flower Flirting, Arson, There Was Only One Bed, Getting Together, First Kiss, Meeting the Parents, Resolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Romantic Tension, WWX Is a Good Big Brother, New Relationship Bliss, Chinese Mythology & Folklore, Blood and Injury, Yiling siblings)

Cultivating immortality by KizuKatana (E, 230k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Pining, Mutual Pining, WWX low self-esteem, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, Angst with a Happy Ending, not sure if this qualifies as fix-it but that was my emotional need/intent, Hurt/Comfort, unreliable narrator (wwx's self image is…), sect wars happening, Canon typical darkness, demonic cultivation descriptions in detail, self-indulgent exploration of the creation of demonic cultivation and how it changed WWX, JC and LWJ are reluctant (VERY RELUCTANT) allies, YZY & LQR are made to face up to their faults, JYL is badass (fight me) though not in terms of cultivation strenght, JC gets a chance to redeem himself, Found Family, First Time, novel canon relationship dynamics)

🔒 crying like a fire in the sun by Reverie (cl410) (T, 10k, wangxian, SL/XXC, JC & WWX, BSSR/LY, Runaway WWX, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives AU, rogue cultivator WWX, Angst, Post Cloud Recesses, Not YZY Friendly, Happy Ending, BSSR is WWX's grandmother instead of grandmaster)

Inchoate by Marinelifeclub (T, 20k, wangxian, Child Abuse, Bad Parent JFM, Bad Parent YZY, Protective LQR, Protective LWJ, Rogue Cultivator WWX, YZY Bashing, JC Bashing, No Golden Core Transfer, Dark JFM)

A Thousand Things by tickertape (M, 108k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiāngs, Developing Friendships, lots of OCs because I can't help myself and I love them, most of the canon cast make cameos at some point, miscommunication and misunderstandings (they’re idiots your honor), Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Night Hunts, The Cloud Recesses Rabbits, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Slow Burn, like really slow burn, like if it was a bushfire it would take 8 years for it to burn through one (1) forest, the wangxian strangers to obnoxious best friends to obnoxious lovers pipeline, 'shitty cultivation world bureaucracy' is also a running theme, WWXHas a Fear of Dogs)

~*~

7. hello! I was hoping you could recommend fics where wei ying is taken hostage by people who hate lan zhan and lan zhan gets beaten up trying to save him. Maybe kind angsty and emotional? @ivybookworm

~*~

8. hi - for the next itmf, any fics that go on from that haunting almost last scene in the Untamed where LS, WN and LWJ all leave WY alone on the road. angsty ones that explore the idea of WY having no-one would be awesome. thank you so much for all you do! @oldoni

Story-Shaped by lingering_song (T, 13k, NHS & WWX, wangxian, Post-Canon, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Inventor WWX, Found Family, NHS needs a new hobby, And apparently that’s spoiling his Wei-Xiong, Mentioned Character Death, Alcohol, Protective NHS, WangXian Endgame, Not JC Friendly, Not particularly gentry sects friendly overall tbh) NHS finds WWX wandering about. Possibly not as angsty as requester is hoping for, but does address how bad an idea it is to let WWX wander alone

im reminded of a fic but cant recall the one. Wwx is travelling by himself, writing letters to LZ, he stays in a town and it ends up cursed. LZ and the juniors arrive to solve the case. Wwx is acting weird and hides his letters. The juniors read the letters and find out wwx is angry and full of resentment about how he's been treated. They find out the curse resonates from him. They talk it out to resolve matters. Any idea?

Rotten Work by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 63k, WangXian, WWX & JL, Post-Canon, Protective WWX, Protective JL, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation, Reluctant Matchmaker JL) similar to Story Shaped, but it's Jin Ling who finds wwx. // might fit the bill? It isn't overly angsty, but it does have characters remarking on how bad of an idea it is to let WWX go off on his own.

Judge Softly by Chrononautical (E, 32k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, LQR & WWX, accidental voyeurism, non-consensual mind reading, oblivious WWX, bamf WWX, genius WWX, post-canon Fix-it, angst w happy ending, LQR tries)

the soft animal of your body by howodd5ever (M, 21k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Getting Together, WWX has feelings about having a body, sort of a case fic, a little bit of epistolary goodness, graphic descriptions of wounds, Feelings About Death, WWX gets seriously injured, quoting chinese poetry at each other as a love language, Art Embedded, wound-tending as an act of love, Bathing/Washing, the mortifying ordeal of being asked to stay, Sharing a Bed, Finding home, WWX's canonical alcohol abuse makes an appearance a bit)

my age has never made me wise by idrilka (E, 63k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Part-epistolary, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, Marriage Proposal, Homecoming, One Brain Cell WWX Strikes Again)

~*~

9. Itmf: what's a story premise/trope that's really hard to do well, and what stories have done them really well?

~*~

10. Itmf, what's ur fav story prompt/initial premise that you've seen, regardless of the execution(s) of it?

~*~

11. thank u for ur hard work! any fic recs of lan zhan hurting wei ying and he regrets it? thankss

Concord by Deastar (T, 41k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, Depression, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)

我的皇后是農民 | sowing seeds in the cold palace by sweetlolixo (E, 84k, WangXian, Imperial Palace, Emperor LWJ, Imperial Consort WWX, Farmer WWX, Angst, Romance, Wingman LJY, Wife-chasing-LWJ, Arranged Marriage, Best Boy A-Yuan)

Honesty is the Best Policy (Except if You’re an Asshole) by piecrust (E, 22k, wangxian, college/university au, porn w/ feelings)

~*~

12. ITMF like, historical perspectives. Like people in modern times talking about/teaching about/learning about LWG, WWX, and possibly others as historical figures

Historical Precedents for the Concept of Time Travel and Transmigration by meyari (G, 21k, wangxian, Fluff and Crack, dubious academic writing, Historical Research, it's practically its own character in this, vague college setting, Modern, Good YZY, Good Person SS, Reincarnation) It's the second part of a series, the first one takes place in canon era, and the second one is about modern Wei Ying researching about historical Wei Wuxian for his thesis! I recommend reading the first part first (or at least looking at the premise) for much-needed context, and also because it's so good!

DID YILING LAOZU REALLY EXIST???: a Thread [1/?] by el_em_en_oh_pee (G, 6k, wangxian, Academia AU, Social Media, Research, Cartographic Mishaps, HOW IS CARTOGRAPHIC MISHAPS AN ESTALISHED TAG. NO HAPS WERE MISSED HERE I ASSURE U, Folklore, LJY's Hot Takes, Procrastinating Your Dissertation Proposal By Writing A 104-Tweet Thread: The Lan Jingyi Story, Mixed Media, POV Outsider, this is kind of an AU - Modern and kind of not???, it's a modern academic/researchy exploration of canon lol) it's AMAZING

For 12, there's also the one where Wangxian are majoring in cultivation in University and there's a talk about the meaning of Hanguang-jun compositions with several one liner "titles" like fried watermelon rinds are terrible or something like that. Can't mine it on my AO3 history but it's there, I know it's there!

🔒 Night of the Living History (an edutainment special!) by Aerlalaith (T, 51k, wangxian, Modern with Magic, Workplace Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Museums, living history, the author's feelings about, the edutainment industry, museum workers, Some Plot, Slice of Life, Injury, a minor haunting, the stakes are low, unless you're on the museum board i guess, WWX does not get an employee discount)

~*~

13. Hi! For the next ITMF, could anyone recommend wangxian fics that also feature LWJ & JC not getting along/being hostile toward each other? I'm talking like anything from them having disagreements to physically fighting to just outright hating each other.

Untitled tumblr fic where LWJ punches JC in the face (sharing my reblog as writer seems to have deleted their blog & I can't find it on their Ao3)

the only way out by cafecliche (T, 12k, wangxian, JC & WWX, JC & LWJ, Post-Canon, this is one part character study, one part comedy of errors, and one part fix-it, WWX is a people pleaser in this essay I will, my event planning experience rearing its head again, Podfic Available)

Wei Wuxian’s Kidnapping Back and Forth Farce (Starring Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji) by misscam (M, 5k, wangxian, JC & WWX, Humor, Switching)

some good mistakes by Lise (T, 18k, WangXian, JC & WWX, JC & LWJ, Road Trips, (terrible road trips), Post-Canon, Rescue Missions, Hurt/Comfort, ish, Awkward Conversations, POV JC, JC & WWX Reconciliation, (ish they’re working on it)) should be noted that the Wangxian is background and the primary focus is on LWJ and Jiang Cheng having lots of emotions coming out sideways at each other

~*~

14. Hey, guys. Hope you're having a great day. ITMF some Wen Ning POV/Wen Ning-centric stuff @thispatternismine

🔒 The Moon Reflected Upon Two Springs by Rubberduckieassassin (M, 2k, Post-Canon, Fierce Corpse WN, WN-centric, Farmer WN, WN Needs a Hug, Gusu Lan Juniors Dynamics, Good Kid LSZ, Good Kid LJY, Wen Remnants Mentioned, Burial Mounds Settlement Days Mentioned, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Five Stages of Grief, Melancholy, Building A Home, Family Feels, WN is learning how to 'live' again)

🔒 do not go gentle by RoseThorne (G, 684, WN & WQ, WN & WWX, LSZ & WQ, Canonical Character Death, Spirits, Ghosts, LWJ Plays Inquiry, Song: Inquiry, Protectiveness, Grief/Mourning, Love, Acceptance, Family, Angst, Post-Canon, POV Third Person, POV Wen Ning)

Tea with the Unquiet Dead by treemaidengeek (G, 1k, SL & WN, Grief/Mourning, Post-Canon, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, finding healing in unexpected places, Fierce Corpse Friends!)

~*~

15. For the next ITMF, are there any fics where Lan Wangji comes to terms/wrestles with his darker sexual desires?

Come Back to Gusu… by AitchNKay (E, 90k, wangxian, WIP, Major Character Death, Fluff and Smut, Drama & Romance, Angst, Fix-It, Canon Compliant, Anal Sex, BL,, Switching, Bottom LWJ) Currently less than halfway through this one & it's a WIP so not sure how it goes, but has scenes of LWJ worrying about if his desires are too fucked up

💖 Magical Marriage Ribbons Series by starandrea (Varies, 1m, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Accidental Marriage, Fluff, Happy Ending, Telepathic bond, Kink Negotiation, Family Drama, Magical Pregnancy, Dual Cultivation, Shapeshifters, Modern with Magic, Immortality, Yilling Wei Sect) has LWJ continuously struggling to vocalize nearly ANY of his sexual wants even well after wangxian get together

~*~

16. Hi! ITMF your favourite recommendations with LWJ being petty and pouty (maybe bratty too?) - modern AUs and modern with magic are preferred. Thank you <3

Sorry! Just to add on to last ask petty LWJ ITMF ask --> Judgy LWJ reccs please.

the soft animal of your body by sysrae (T, 15k, wangxian, modern cultivation, Golden Core Reveal, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Animal Transformation, Shapeshifting, Getting Together, Confessions)

with you, I am home by tellthemstories (M, 47k, wangxian, Modern Cultivation, fake dating for reasons, Meeting the Family, There Was Only One Bed, Casual Domesticity, wwx is oblivious in more ways than one, 'this fic is like emotional edging’, this comment sums up the entire fic)

i really want to know (who are you) by Stratisphyre (M, 19k, wangxian, LQR & WWX, Modern with Magic, Golden Core Reveal Single Dad WWX, Reasonable Authority Figure LQR, Allusions to violence and murder, Hospitalization)

The Twelve Days of Christmas, OR, How to Drive Your Brother-in-Law Insane by Following One Traditional Carol by Hobbsy3 (T, 3k, wangxian, Fluff, Crack Treated Seriously, Twelve Days Of Christmas, sending someone six geese and seven swans is definitely not an act of love, OR IS IT, Christmas Fluff, JC is So Done, LWJ is a Little Shit, Modern) Ooh! One more for 16 (it's a Christmas fic but features a very hilarious and petty Lan Zhan)

~*~

17. Hi Hi i'm looking for two sets of fics a) lan qiren time travel fics where he's good and actually likes Wei Wuxian or atleast let's their relationship happen b) kid fics where wwx and lwj have a lot of children adoption or birth or a mixture of both but just them having a lot of children. @thatperson0-0

17A)

Lessons relearned by Iamnotawriter (T, 44k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Not Madam Yu Friendly, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inventor WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, No Golden Core Transfer, YZY Bashing)

in stillness, clear water to the bottom by Stratisphyre (T, 40k, CSSR/LQR/WCZ, NHS's Mom/Sect leader Nie/NMJ's Mom, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Threesome - M/M/F, Getting Together, Friends to Lovers, Background WangXian, Everyone lives/Nobody dies, (mostly), (not you qingheng-jun), Family feelings, Minor NieLan, Madam Lan lives, references to past rape)

17B)

❤️ Attempting the Impossible by Ariaste for williedustice (T, 36k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Post-Canon, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation, Adoption, Family Fluff, Kid fic, Family drama, Fluff, 🔒[PODFIC] Attempting the Impossible by Ariaste by lunatique)

travelers through the empty gate by stiltonbasket (M, 107k, wangxian, royalty au, mistaken identity, emperor WWX, poor LWJ, forced marriage, (by LWJ himself), confused WWX, parenthood, misunderstandings, empress LWJ, fluff & humor, married life, angst w/ happy ending, WIP)

The Wei Family Series by Setari (T, 65k, wangxian, WWX & OCs, Kid Fic, Canon Rewrite, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Mpreg, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, Family Feels, POV Multiple, Next Generation Original Characters, Subverted Blame the Bastard Trope, Miscarriage Scare, Horny Teenagers, Hopeful Ending, Crack Treated Seriously, Oblivious WWX, Pining LWJ, Not As Dark As The Tags Make It Sound, 5+1 Things, set during the 13 years Wei Wuxian is dead, POV Original Character, Fix-It, Not Everyone Dies AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Work In Progress)

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic recs #i'm in the mood for a fic #the untamed #wangxian fic search #wangxianficfinder #long post

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justinspoliticalcorner · 6 months ago

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Parker Molloy at The Present Age:

During his acceptance speech as the Democratic vice-presidential nominee on Wednesday night, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz shared a deeply personal story about his family’s struggle with infertility. As he concluded by saying, “Hope, Gus, and Gwen, you are my entire world, and I love you,” the camera caught his 17-year-old son Gus standing up, tears in his eyes, pointing to his father and exclaiming, “That’s my dad!”

It was a sweet display of familial love and pride — a rare moment of raw emotion in the ordinarily carefully choreographed world of political conventions. For many viewers, it was surely a timely reminder of the human beings behind the political personas we see on stage. However, what should have been universally recognized as a beautiful father-son moment quickly became fodder for cruel mockery from pro-Trump social media accounts. The contrast between Gus Walz’s sincere emotion and the derision it provoked from the right offers a troubling glimpse into the state of political discourse and the depths to which partisan attacks have sunk. This not only highlights the lack of basic human decency in certain right-wing corners of our politics but also raises important questions about how conservatives view emotional expression, particularly from young men, in the public sphere. Not only is Gus a minor, but he’s also neurodivergent. People recently ran a story about the Walz family and what Tim and Gwen Walz have come to refer to as Gus’s “secret power" — a non-verbal learning disorder, ADHD, and anxiety disorder.

Tim Walz told People:

["When our youngest Gus was growing up, it became increasingly clear that he was different from his classmates," the couple tell PEOPLE. "Gus preferred video games and spending more time by himself." The statement continues: "When he was becoming a teenager, we learned that Gus has a non-verbal learning disorder in addition to an anxiety disorder and ADHD, conditions that millions of Americans also have."]

It’s a sweet article that makes the attacks that would follow Gus’s display of emotion that much more unacceptable. Anti-LGBTQ activist Terry Schilling of the American Principles Project mocked Gus Walz, writing, “Tim Walz’ son Gus wears eyeliner.” Prominent pro-Trump Twitter accounts Dom Lucre, Colin Rugg, and Autism Capital all mocked the 17-year-old. “Get that kid a tampon already,” wrote a right-wing podcaster Alec Lace. Trump ally Mike Crispi called Gus Walz a “beta bitch.” Right-wing radio host Jay Weber called Gus Walz a “blubbering bitch boy.” Ann Coulter called Gus Walz “weird.” You get the idea.

Right-wing beta losers doing what they do best: insult people.

This time, it’s Gus Walz, the son of Tim Walz.

#DNC2024

#Gus Walz #Tim Walz #Gwen Walz #Neurodiversity #2024 DNC #Hope Walz #Walz Family #Collin Rugg #Dom Lucre #Terry Schilling #Ann Coulter #Mike Crispi #Jay Weber #Autism Capital

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lyvanille · 7 days ago

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talking about gods healing strength in my life - N0.1 Faith

Good afternoon my Christian friends. This is my first blog post and I would love to pray for you.

But first I would like to introduce myself:

My name is Leonie, I am a teenager who still lives with many sins, worries and fears. That's why I don't want to judge or hurt anyone on my blog.

Briefly about my story: I grew up in a small village in a beautiful country, with my loving and Christian family. We were never a strongly Christian family, but my family were all believers. I was never someone who believed in God or anything supernatural.

After being in a toxic situationship 2 years ago that went on for about a year, I found God. (The boy manipulated me, stood me up several times, told me lies, slept with other girls, ...).

God saved me. From this boy and also from myself.

I struggled with self-harm, self-hatred, obesity, eating disorders, bad grades, procrastination, anxiety, sometimes panic attacks and much more.

I haven't been to therapy once in my life. Because I tell you that I believe with every fibre of my being that God saved me! That he set me free and showered me with all his love so much that I was allowed to heal!

I am alive again, I am happy again, I have joy in my life again. All my problems have disappeared.

God has lifted all my burdens.

After we have found God, he will no longer remember all the sins we have committed before our life with God, as it says in the Bible in Hebrews 8:12 "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."

Jesus died for our sins. Jesus died for YOUR sins. Live your life for him.

For God himself gave his own Son for us, that our sins might be forgiven as long as we repent.

I would like to pray for everyone who reads this blog entry and also for all the other people on earth.

Our Father in heaven, I ask you to bring all the love and hope and faith and fulfilment into the lives of all the people in this world! Bring all these miracles into their lives, heal them and help them to trust in you, to believe in you, to live with you by their side and in their hearts.

Give them strength to deal with their problems and allow them to suffer from their spiritual wounds.

I ask you, almighty Father in heaven, Lord, protect every person in this world and bring reflection into the lives of people who do not believe in you and live for you.

Our Father in heaven. I thank you that you have heard my prayer and will do your works.

In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. ~ Philippians 4:13

#christiangirl #glowup #jesuschrist #god #prayer #healing #god loves you #faith #jesus #self growth #religion #christianity #quotes #bible #bible verse

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cherryp0p224 · 2 years ago

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~General ROTTMNT HC’s~

Here, I’ll be posting my personal headcanons for rottmnt. Over time, I’ve noticed a lot of traits within the characters and certain quirks that I’ve associated with ideas that would fit the boys and other characters perfectly.

(I’ll be adding onto this whenever I have new headcanons)

Headcanon #1

Both of the disaster twins use contacts. As seen in the episode ‘Air Turtles’, Leo wears protective glasses (glasses used for athletes to see better without harming their vision), which means his vision is possibly impaired. As for Donnie, we all know Donnie used to have glasses when he was younger, but since glasses can be a huge boundary when in battle, both of the twins decided to switch to contacts so they could still see when fighting

Headcanon #2

Splinters vision is just as bad as his two sons. Splinter sees things a little blurrier than everyone else so when he sees his sons, instead of identifying them by their features, he identifies them by their colors, hence why he calls them by their colors (Blue, Red, Purple, Orange). When he was still Lou jitsu, he had some glasses, but I feel like he had them designed to fit his movie star look, so while his glasses are for seeing, he had still wanted them to look good. Teen Lou jitsu and Leo are the same thing Fr

Headcanon #3

Donnie doesn’t do too well with emotion nor does he seem to interested in romance, so the first thought that came to my head was ‘ARO/ACE DONNIE’. Aro/Ace : having little to no romantic or sexual attraction. I do still believe Donnie could fall in love, the feelings just wouldn’t be as intense as it is for those who are neurotypical

Headcanon #4

I think Mikey definitely has ADHD. Mikey tends to be very impulsive and wild when he’s fighting. In fact, he’s so impulsive, Donnie made him an inflatable suit so he wouldn’t get hurt because this boy is a loose canon. He also seems to be very hyperactive and can’t keep his focus on just one activity, hence why he has so many hobbies like cooking, drawing, skateboarding, and other things. We gotta love this ball of energy

Headcanon #5

Raph has GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). We all know this poor boy has a lot of anxiety and always stresses himself out when it comes to his family. Due to carrying the weight of his family on his shoulders, he tends to stress out a lot, but when you stress out a lot, your brain finds it a custom and a normal occurrence, so anything that might start up the slightest bit of stress could possibly turn into a full blown panic attack (I know cuz I’ve got GAD :((). He also overthinks A LOT

Headcanon #6

Casandra has gotta be nonbinary/gender-fluid.I headcanon Cassandra using she/they pronouns, why? While cassandra is presented as female in the show, she seems to be in touch with both her masculine and feminine side and I definitely think that if someone were to refer to her as a boy, she would not give a flying fuck, she just doesn’t seem to care for gender labels and you gotta love that

Headcanon #7

Sorry to the people who don’t ship this, but I see April and Sunita as a lesbian couple. In Tmnt 2012, April was placed in more as a love interest for Donnie, but it was just so forced and his obsession with her was concerning. In Rise, April poses more as an older sister for the boys and her relationship with Donnie is so sweet too. Instead of April and Donnie being lovers, Rise decided to make them best friends and they’re dynamic is something I am in love with. Rise April doesn’t really seem to have much of an interest in men, nor does she seem to be interested in having a boyfriend period, but I have noticed that she seems more interested in creating a bond with other girls (like Taylor and Sunita). When Sunita was first introduced, she was presented as just beautiful (flowers along with a beautiful background) and the way she was presented was how April perceived her, we were looking from aprils point of view. So, in conclusion, I think the girls a lesbian, argue with me if you’d like, I stand by this

Headcanon #8

Casey Jones is most definitely a trans man. The first time I saw this boy on screen, I pointed to the tv and said ‘That is a trans man’. Now where Casey came from, I have no idea. I’m not sure if he was birthed out of Cassandra or if he was a dumpster child found by Cassandra, but either way, something about Casey caught my attention that made me come to this conclusion. Ofcourse we know Casey is a teenager, but it seems like he hasn’t yet hit the full point of puberty, he’s got little scruffs on his chin and I’ve noticed his voice does crack a bit (which I love. I would die for him) but I think he has these traits because he’s still in the process of transitioning fully. In all honesty though, I have a crush on this boy, I’m down bad bro, I wish there were more fics for him

#rise donatello #rise donnie #rise leo #rise leonardo #rise michelangelo #rise mikey #rise of the tmnt #rise raph #rise raphael #rottmnt #rise casey #casey jones #rise cassandra #rise april #rottmnt april #rottmnt sunita #rottmnt casey junior #rottmnt casey jr #rottmnt headcanons

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femcelpagliacci · 6 months ago

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married to my beautiful husbands severe major depressive disorder and severe social anxiety. i am pregnant with our beautiful son ADHD <3

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pashterlengkap · 6 months ago

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When Gus Walz cried at the DNC, his tears helped free us all from toxic gender roles

The brilliant writer, humorist, and essayist Mark Twain called on us to liberate ourselves with his dictum: “Sing like no one is listening, love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and live like it is Heaven on earth.” And this is exactly what Gus Walz, 17-year-old son of Ohio Gov. Tim Walz and Gwen Walz, showed at the recent Democratic National Convention on Wednesday, August 21 as his father stood atop the stage and accepted his party’s nomination to become the next vice president of the United States. Related Gay Gov. Jared Polis defends Kamala Harris’ evolving & more moderate policy positions Harris once supported a fracking ban, Medicare-for-all, and possibly expanding the Supreme Court. What happened? Gus, with heavy tears of joy running freely down his cheeks, seemed somehow uplifted from his seat by a fantastical force as he repeatedly announced to all assembled, “That’s my dad. That’s my dad.” Dive deeper every day Join our newsletter for thought-provoking commentary that goes beyond the surface of LGBTQ+ issues Subscribe to our Newsletter today The contagion of the moment reverberated throughout the hall and became a moment seen around the world, a moment of free and loving expression against the goliath of patriarchal constraints held against people who are assigned “male” at birth. Gus has received near universal support for his joyful exuberance, though some, largely right-wing detractors, attempted to shame him. Conservative commentator Ann Coulter, for example, posted an article on X about Gus’s reaction with the caption: “Talk about weird…” Coulter eventually deleted her post when she discovered that Gus has been diagnosed as neurodivergent with a nonverbal learning disorder, ADHD, and an anxiety disorder, which his proud parents Tim and Gwen called his “secret power.” “We love our Gus,” Tim and Gwen Walz expressed to People magazine in August 2024. “We are proud of the man he’s growing into, and we are so excited to have him with us on this journey.” I believe the “secret power” Gus’s parents alluded to was his ability to be himself, to “Sing like no one is listening, love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and live like it is heaven on earth.” The confinement and pain of strict, binary gender scripts Rev. Sean Harris of Berean Baptist Church of Fayetteville, North Carolina loudly and vehemently lectured during his Sunday sermon on April 29, 2012 that parents must enforce strict gender role behaviors, a duty before their God, on their children. “Dads,” Harris commanded, “the second you see your son dropping the limp wrist, you walk over there and you crack that wrist. Man up! Give him a good punch.” He directed fathers to say to their sons, “Okay? You’re not going to act like that. You were made by God to be a male and you are going to be a male.” He also told parents that they should be “squashing that like a cockroach.” He warned that “the word of God makes it clear that effeminate behavior is ungodly.” And to parents directing their daughters, Harris shouted and flailed, “When your daughter starts acting too butch, you rein her in, and you say, ‘Oh, no. oh, no, sweetheart. You can play sports. Play them. Play them to the glory of God. But sometimes you’re going to act like a girl, and walk like a girl, and talk like a girl, and smell like a girl, and that means you’re going to be beautiful. You’re going to be attractive. You’re going to dress yourself up!’” Though he later retracted and apologized for the tenor of his arguments, he reiterated his basic premise “that parents have a responsibility to maintain the gender distinction that God created in them.” This, he said, is a message for which he will never apologize. Though extreme in language and tone, Harris promotes what most of us have been very consciously and carefully taught throughout our lives. Gender roles (sometimes called “sex roles”) include a set of socially defined… http://dlvr.it/TCk0Mp

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kyle-fiore · 6 months ago

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Ill just drop various headcanons I have for the TWST characters. These are bound to change one day.. But, whatever.

My favs have them more detailed.. Aswell as theres little to no reason for them.

No specific theme to it all.

Self harm, ED, and sexual assualt mentions, Im sorry.

Heartslabyul

Riddle Rosehearts

AFAB, cis

Muslim (I want to see her at Vietnamese aswell, but I dont know..) Wears a hijab aswell.

Has an eating disorder.

Trey Clover

AFAB, transmasc, omnisexual

Cambodian, speaks English and Khmer

Autisitic & Bipolar (With depression and anxiety obviously..)

A part of the Felmier family, and I believe the Felmier and Clovers are related. Epel and Kyle are his cousins, to be exact.

Kasane fan for sure.

Feminine body, with a little chub of course. He definitely wears a binder. I think he would have an unfortunately big chest, and its especially bad for gym class. It mustve been hell in his first year...

A few beauty marks, and slightly darker skin with a yellow undertone. Definitely has the signature Kyle beauty mark. Aswell as having two on top of one another under his left eye. Freckles too, just because!

Slimmer, upwards eyes too.. And, a mullet-ish hairstyle.. I just want Trey with longer hair.

Cater Diamond

AFAB, transmasc

I dont know what race exactly, but I think he would be dark skinned anyway

Curly hair, because why not.

Cuts himself ocassionally and hides it in everyway he can.

Doesnt wear a binder (Non supportive family, not allowed to get one.), but hes flat chested enough to hopefully pass as male.

Definite eating disorder..

Deuce Spade

AMAB, transfem (Because I think she would go through an arc of wanting to disregard her previous identity as a deliquent, plus exploring gender in a way she believed she would be bullied for.)

Mexican

Super supportive mom (ILY Mama Spade), so shes on estrogen. Wears a bra since she believes shes already developing boobs. (Even though she had started is recently..)

Blonde tips in her hair. Also, her hair is just long enough to make a shirt ponytail, and shes very proud of that.

Ace Trappola

AMAB, cis

IDK hes just ginger.

Savanaclaw

They all have animal noses according to their species, by the way.

Leona Kingscholar

AMAB, transfem, omnisexual and poly

Extremely insecure about her looks, believing she looks "too masculine" to really express herself with feminine clothing.

SAed as a child (I think her place as being the second "son" and that she was ignored for her stand off-ish personality put her in a vulnerable state.)

Hypersexual, aswell as having alot of sex partners in the past.

Cuts herself often. Also, an achoholic and smokes.

Has an eating disorder. I dont know which exactly, but I think it would be a binge eating disorder or one that makes her not want to eat.

Muscular, but has the slightest feminine touch to her appearance. Developing boobs slowly, as shes on estrogen of course.

Hairy.. Its too canon, ok? Shaving is alot of effort.

Dreads, for sure! Nonchalant Dreadhead Leona may be canon.

Ruggie Bucchi

AMAB, cis

Has vitiligo (?)

IDK I dont pay much attention to him.

Jack Howl

AFAB, cis

Big, poofy afro.. Itd be so cute..

Most of my HCs for her are from my girlfriends original headcanons.

Octavinelle

They have features, like gills and scales, according to their species.

Azul Ashengrotto

AFAB, cis

Dark skinned, but I dont know what race..

Little octopus texture, or whatever it would be called, on her cheeks.

Also, her hair would be shaped like an octopus.

Definite eating disorder.

Chubby! Chubby Azul forever!

Jade Leech

AFAB, cis

Has vitiligo

Into Punk fashion and music, just for fun

Gills and whatever those fish ears that are on her eel form are. Its morphed with human ears.

Floyd Leech

AFAB, genderfluid

Has vitiligo

Definitely a Jirai Joshi. (Honestly, I think she would find out about it sometime after getting on land, think its cool and weirdly relatable, and just goes around presenting herself as that.)

Same eel features as Jade.

Scarabia

I dont have many headcanons for either..

Kalim Al-Asim

AFAB, non-binary (?)

Unfortunately definite eating disorder..

Jamil Viper

AFAB, cis

Has an eating disorder.

Pomefiore

Vil Schoenheit

AMAB, bigender, She/He pronouns

She doesnt need to be changed by my delusions.. Hes too perfect already..

Has an eating disorder, for sure..

Part German! Or, Japanese.. I dont know!

Rook Hunt

AMAB, cis

Freckles and tanned skin, please.. Muscular aswell.

Epel Felmier

AMAB, cis

Cambodian American, speaks a little Khmer

Used to wear glasses, but wears contacts now since he used to break the glasses often.

A part of the Clover family (Like I explained with Trey) Kyle and Trey are his cousins, to be exact.

Kyle, again, is his cousin that grew up beside him. Theyre practially brothers. They call each other "Lil' bro" and "Big bro" just because! Even if theyre the same age with a month difference.

Tanned skin, for sure. A few beauty marks here and there. Definitely the signature Kyle beauty mark.

Ignihyde

Idia Shroud

AMAB, cis, bisexual and poly

Greek, I think..

Super skinny and underweight. Likely has anorexia, or something along those lines.

Horrible Monster Energy addiction. Definitely has a collection of those Monster Energy guns.

Cuts himself often, though a few times being by accidents while working.

Bipolar? Autisitic, though.

Definitely a Jirai Danshi. But, hes too insecure to go out in Jirai Kei. He just dresses up for himself, and Magicam. He has the perfect look to be a Jirai..

Trys to keep himself and everything around him clean. Hates to be sweaty, or feel dirty in any way. It makes him want to rip his skin off. I think he would be a germaphobe, to some extent.

Takes showers often, but struggles to stay standing most of the time. Im sure hes passed out in the shower atleast a few times.. Ortho coming to help immediately, of course.

Ortho Shroud

Robot. Its hard to assign an assigned sex when his body is a robot. He is male though. Maybe, demiboy.

IDK.. Maybe freckles too. I think thatd be cute.

Diasomnia

Malleus Draconia

AFAB, cis, onmisexual and poly

A little chubby.. Because itd be super cute.. Plus, I heard that greek men preferred chubby girls. Source was my girlfriend.

Dragon scales on her body! Theyre especially visible on her cheeks.

I think she would have darker skin aswell. The image of have her eyes glow compared to the rest of her just feels right, you know?

Constant fear of the ones she loves leaving.

Lilia Vanrouge

AMAB, bigender

Presents however the hell he wants to, honestly.

Wears dark girly!

More on the muscular side, with cool battle scars.

I think him having small bat wing on him would be super cute.. They can grow bigger aswell.

Silver

AMAB, transfem, bisexual

Albino, for sure. I think she would have locs aswell.

Shes already perfect, honestly..

Sebek Zigvolt

AMAB, cis

Tanner skin and crocodile scales on his body, especially visible on his cheeks.

Very sharp features.. Also, slightly pointed ear. Or, maybe floppy ears?

I dont have HCs for the staff, side characters, or Grim.. I tried to hold back from adding their relations to my OCs. Its was required that Kyle was mentioned with Epel and Trey, though. My 2nd favorite trio!

I spent like an hour on this.. Oh well!♡

I was gonna add all the character tags, but I didnt know 30 tags was the limit?!?!

#twisted wonderland #headcanons #heartslabyul #savanaclaw #octavinelle #scarabia #pomefiore #ignihyde #diasomnia

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pendinghope · 8 months ago

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Bon Appetit- a cute romance story. An office worker and a chef are neighbors. (I haven’t finished this one yet).

Venus in the Sky. - Seems interesting. I stopped at a scene cause I was fairly positive it’d turn into a misunderstanding and I’m kinda sick of those plot lines at the moment. Will continue watching at a later date. An interior designer quits his job and returns to live with his brother. Now working in his brother’s shop he runs into a doctor he knew back in college. What caused the tension between them? Why does the doctor keep coming back?

The eighth sense - imma be honest, I’m a little bit lost with what’s happening in this show currently. I watched the first episode a bit ago but I can’t remember much. I think there’s a lot of family drama in this one, but I don’t remember for sure.

La Pluie - soulmates. The concept is interesting and I like the way they do soulmates. It’s not like a set in stone type deal, a possibility but not a necessity. I love the parents’ relationship and was rooting for the side couple the whole time. However, I got sick of the main couple real fast. They were fine at first and then just kept thinking the other one was cheating. It got old real fast and they mainly only stuck together because they were soulmates. So while I’m not a fan of the main relationship I highly enjoyed the side characters.

Love with flaws - Seems funny. A woman with three brothers learns to distrust handsome men after watching her brothers continuously break hearts. Quick to judge a book by its cover, will she ever be able to trust a handsome man? Will she ever get a date who isn’t interested in one of her brothers?

OMG! Vampires - it’s goofy and I love it. Plus vampires.

Love on Lo - cute short series. They were roomates.

Sing my crush - Appears to be a romance show. I haven’t watched it yet so I don’t know all that it’s about. I’ll watch it at a later date.

Golden blood - The son of a mafia boss and his bodyguard. I haven’t finished so I can’t say much about it.

Stand by me/Addicted - Two separate shows about the same story. Addicted shows more of the toxic character traits and has more intimate scenes. Stand by me does the Aunt (that’s just how I refer to her) and her kid really well. They are a bigger part of the story in this version. The romance is questionable so watch at your leisure.

Until we meet again - this show made me cry. From what I remember it was beautiful and tearjerking. I’m pretty sure there’s a second series showing more of the side couple, Between Us.

Happy ending - now I don’t know what this show is about but I pray it actually has a happy ending. Okay so I’m watching it as I’m writing this and I like it so far but I’m so scared. This show better not make me cry, please be happy. Noooo please don’t let this show be just a misunderstanding, please nooooo. Not another, please. Okay, ya know I liked it. If I’m correct it’s just 4 episodes. I enjoyed the formatting and execution. It was cute.

Happy Ending Romance - ? No clue what this one is or if that’s even the title. I’ll check it out later. Update: So this does exist I just can’t find it. Well if I am ever able to watch I will add a summary of it, until then you can look it up if you’re interested.

Happy Merry Ending - A singer with social anxiety (it’s what the subtitles said were one of the things his meds help with, ah the show just described it as a panic disorder) and the new pianist meet. How will their interactions go? Content warning: the main character experiences some anxiety attacks (I’m only on the first episode so I don’t know what else may occur during the series). Please be aware of what you can handle before watching. Please be careful that there is nothing triggering in this show before you watch. If you have any questions feel free to ask me and I’ll try to scan this show for anything you want to be aware of. I’m just rambling now. His anxiety is giving me anxiety. Reminds me of my anxiety attacks, ahhh. The scenes are fairly short but do be warned. Ah I’m on episode 5, I’ll continue this show later.

Advance bravely - A rich man and a bodyguard. The bodyguard’s sister wants him to help her court the rich man, who is entirely uninterested in her advances. Will the rich man be able to get the siblings to leave him alone? Will the bodyguard ever let anyone date his sister? Who knows, but their interactions are funny and interesting.

Bad and Crazy - I love this show. But my second hand embarrassment be ruining me. The characters are all so fun and the overall vibe is amazing. I feel like explaining my second hand embarrassment a bit. Okay so I get really bad secondhand embarrassment from shows. When I was younger I had to full on leave the room, now I can manage by just covering my face and plugging my ears for some scenes. It’s still incredibly difficult for me to watch some scenes so I tend to watch shows that have a bunch of those scenes with other people. That way I can just get a recap of what happened. Ah this leads me to another thing (by the way I’m just going off on a tangent so this part isn’t related to this specific show), a lot of the romance shows I watch have scenes where one character says another character is blushing. But there’s like no difference. Okay I find this funny because when I blush my entire face just goes bright red, like the entire thing. So when watching a show where they say a character is blushing I’m just like, come on please man can you put a little bit of blush on them or something cause when I blush it’s so freaking obvious. Not a complaint by the way, I just find it amusing. Ah also this show isn’t a romance show, I just went off on a tangent. Still love this show and all the awesome scenes! The fight scenes are so cool! And the characters’ interactions are all so fun! Love the main characters partner!

Beloved in House: I do - I don’t remember why I paused watching this series. But I do remember it was cute and a bit goofy. Ah now i remember, I stopped on an episode because I was afraid of a potential misunderstandings in the next episode. I really should continue it, it seemed so cute. I’ve done some metalworking before so I found the designs super interesting.

Yo fall guy, the movie is incredible. Hands down, I loved it. It was highly enjoyable for me. I loved the execution, formatting, jokes, and music. It was a highly enjoyable film for me.

Our dining table - super cute romance! I’m only on episode one but I am loving it so far. A tired office working going through the motions meets a child and his older brother on his lunch break. What will come of this interaction? Will the office worker continue living a monotonous life, simply surviving? Or will he find more?

Ah I’m a bit sleepy so I’ll stop here for now. Hope you guys find a show you like! Have fun!

#pendingdramalist

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ssstardust3001 · 11 months ago

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Personal log: So, in order to transfer, I had to have an up to date physical...How was I supposed to know that my organs are on the wrong side??? I only find this out now at age 30 and from a Vulcan doctor who was really fascinated with my weirdly mirrored organs. Nothing is wrong with them, they're just on the wrong side. So fuck me if I need a transplant or anything I guess.

I feel bad for whoever the main doctor, Chief Medical Officer, is aboard the ship who has to worry about my fucked up mirrored organs. Should I tell them? Will it be in my file?? I'm supposed to wear a medical bracelet. Which I have on right now...Good luck to any doctor.

I also have yet to meet the captain of the ship I was transferred to, and I hope to keep it that way for a few business days so I can mentally prepare myself. Though if we meet earlier, I just hope I won't embarrass myself. Hell, I have yet to make contact with really anyone as a colleague and crewmate. I will keep this log updated.

I hope they don't mind my lack of eye contact and just general complete weirdness. Ugh...this is why I have no friends, well no one I'd consider a friend. I'm not a social butterfly, I'm more of a reclusive moth who has a social anxiety disorder. I want to make friends, I really do, but people, humans especially, scare me. They're as volatile as I can be, but still often better restrained.

[He groans in frustration.]

No one wanted anything to do with me after I sent someone to the hospital in the Academy after Izzy died. They started it! Said shit they weren't supposed to. They then hit first, called me a damn slur too, but then played victim and were all like, "oh, woe is me". It still makes my blood boil to think of that little lousy motherfucker. Damn waste of oxygen that plants worked so hard to produce. He ended up dropping because it was too hard for him academically, kept partying, never studied, and I know there are people out there who think I made him drop, that I bullied him out of Starfleet.

[His voice is raising as his temper flairs.]

If I wanted to bully him, if I had bullied him, I would have made sure his life slowly became a miserable hell where he had no one to blame but himself. He would have actually suffered instead of getting a damn slap on the wrist because his dear daddy is some important Admiral. He's so lucky I held back when fighting him...I could have killed him. Fuck, I wanted to. I really wanted to, but...something held me back. I...don't really know what it was exactly. I know it wouldn't have been the thought of disappointing my dad, fuck him.

So, what was it?

........

[His voice is soft now, sad]

You know...

I wonder if I'd be better off socially if I had been raised by my mother, if I'd be better adjusted, a better son, not a lonely disappointment. She had to have been disappointed deep down when meeting me for the first time. I...don't know how she wouldn't have been...She was beautiful, regal, restrained... just everything I'm not.

I don't always know why I do things...why I fight people, why I'm so petty, so damn turbulent at times... People don't always know what to make of me because I'm supposed to be quiet and proper and unemotional, repressed, but they treat me like nitroglycerine -- dynamite as soon as I open my mouth. [He sighs heavily, dramatically.]

Ooooh, Mordred...

[He then snorts softly, but sighs again.]

Well...Hopefully no one on board knows of my reputation from my Academy days. Hell, what are the odds of them being from the graduating class of 2252 or the surrounding years where they could remember it?

This is a fresh new start and I hope to make the most of it by making friends. I want to make friends. I'm also hoping to improve myself somehow. I don't quite yet know how...but I want to be better, do better, feel better.

#James says a lot about himself in his personal logs that no one else will really hear because they are personal #they allow him to process his feelings better by admitting them out loud #this man has so many feelings

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alba8688 · 11 months ago

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Love hurts

Word count :2132

My alarm rang as usual at 6am meaning I had to get up to get ready for the day .I stretched myself in bed and looked to my side to see a sleepy Eddie shirtless. He was sleeping facing down his hair all over the place but he still looked beautiful.

Anything that boy did was hot even the way he slept .I admire him for a few more Minutes before I decided to get up because I had to pee really bad with a sigh I got up from bed to head to the restroom .

Just as I was about to get up he shot his hands to my waist and pulled me back into bed with him.

"You're not leaving me alone again ." He said sleepily his eyes were still closed .

"Baby I have to get ready for work ."I tell him

Softly placing a small kiss to the top of his nose .

"No,stay in bed with me ." He whined like a small kid

"Baby come on,or will be late. I want to get there early to grade some papers to hand them out today plus Nate and Ozzy are coming today ." He lets me go and gets up fast from bed pecking my lips beating me to the restroom.

I'm telling you he is more excited than I Am .

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I'm glad today was Friday. I needed a break from teaching and I was excited because Nathan was coming to stay with me from today till February28. I had a lot of things planned for us this weekend.

Liam's mother had called me yesterday morning letting me know about the new court date on March 1st the only reason she agreed to this new court date was because she was getting stressed with Nate because his Autism and ADHD had gotten worse because she wouldn't give him

His medication or taking him to his therapies because she thought she didn't have anything that he was just a spoiled little brat who needed a good beating.that's one of the reasons she took him Away from us because in her head Liam and I were making everything up to make Nate stupid .

But why would we lie about what our son has?

He was diagnosed when he was just 3yrs old. He suffered from really bad anxiety and he couldn't be around where there were loud noises .

I remember when he was around a year old I was putting him down in his playpen. He started screaming and crying when one of his toys started making a really loud noise .

But back then I didn't know what was wrong with him.

But after Liam and I found out we understood everything he did .

How when he play with his toys he would align all the toys in s straight line

Or the fact he didn't start taking until a few months ago which I wasn't there for his first sentence and that killed me .I remember when they took him away from us he will Babble and point to things the only words he knew were mommy and daddy .

When Liam and I heard him say those words we were the happiest parents in the world,he was 3 when he said them.

There was also this time before we knew he had sensory ,we already knew he had Autism and ADHD but sensory wasn't diagnosed yet.

Sensory information includes things you see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. SPD can affect all of your senses, or just one. SPD usually means you're overly sensitive to stimuli that other people are not. But the disorder can cause the opposite effect, too. In these cases, it takes more stimuli to impact you.

I remember taking him to his diagnostician and her explaining everything to us .Liam and i where scared as Fuck we where both still really young I mean we still are but we learn to educate ourselves about Autism for our son .

"Sensory-seeking behavior in childhood is the tendency to seek out sensory experiences across the five senses: sound, smell, taste, sight, and touch. Many kids who have this issue are thrill-seekers. They like jumping off of high places, such as playground equipment."That was stuck in my head for a while. I was afraid Nate would hurt himself .

I remember a new year back here at Hawkins Dustin and his friends had made a bonfire in lovers lake which I went with Liam and Nate .

Nate tried touching the fire and almost burned himself but Dustin got him before anything could happen and that same night when the kids were popping fireworks he picked up a firework that had a small flame and burned himself. It wasn't that bad but Scared the shit out of us the way he screamed .

We never Let Nate out of our sight but the times when Liam and I had to go to class or work he was going to the daycare and we were so scared to leave him alone ,That's when Liam and I got him a dog His name is "Ozzy." And he is a certified service dog and Nate's best friend .

Ozzy has helped Nate a-lot actually his anxiety has calm.He also alerts us when Nate is having a panic attack or anxiety attack .

Ozzy is with Nate 24/7 .Ozzy is aSiberian husky.

Last night I ended up telling Eddie about Nate being in the spectrum and how he needed Ozzy with him 24/7 plus Ozzy was also part of our family.

Eventually Eddie put everything together .

Flash back last night

"Is that why in new years we were on the balcony the whole time?" eddie ask

"Yeah ,cause we knew Nate couldn't take the noise especially not having Ozzy with him,sometimes when is too loud he covers his ears and he says that the noise hurts him ,there was this time when we didn't know he had that, we went to an event Liam's mother was doing for charity and there was a lot people and alot of noise he started hitting his head on the table because he wanted the pain to go away ."I tell Eddie remembering that awful Night.

"Jesus Christ, is that bad? " eddie ask concerned

"Well he has actually gotten so much better especially when we got him his earphones that are soundproof ,but one thing we don't understand is how he likes to play the drums. You know it's loud but apparently he likes that sound ." I tell Eddie .

End of flashback

Eddie was ok with everything I told him ,he said that no matter what he still loved Nate and that he would get Gareth to teach him to play the drums and he would also teach him to play D&D.

Eddie is pretty excited knowing Nate would be staying with us for a month. I think he was more excited than Liam and I together .

Especially because he says he was getting another sheep for his Hellfire club .

Jesus Christ he was gonna take my son to the dark side with them .But I'm ok with that because I know my son would love them .

Last night Eddie went to sleep late trying to come up with a small campaign to introduce Nate to Hellfire club.

I love him for that .Eddie really is the best .

Now here I was grading papers and waiting for class to start .

Knock knock knock

The door to the class opens slowly making me turn my head to see who was walking in .

"Mommy !!!" I turn my head to see Nate and Ozzy walking in my classroom with Liam by his side .

Ozzy jumps into my lap and starts licking my face ."Hey buddy, you're excited to see me ." I cooed, giving him scratchies. His tongue was out to one side .

"Ozzy bear get down. I want to see mommy too ." Nate said sweetly to Ozzy who got down and sat on the floor .

Nate sat on my lap and hugged me, pecking my cheek "I love you mommy." He then starts making meowing sounds when he sees my sweater .

"Meow ,meow,meow !!" He says touching the cats on my sweater

"You like my sweater ?" I ask him

"Mhmm." He hums

"Can I have a kiss?" I ask for permission because sometimes he doesn't like to be touched .

"Yes ,here ." He says pointing to his cheek

"Mommy is pretty ." He starts playing with a strand of hair I have loose in the front of my face .

"Nate is pretty too ." I peck his cheek

"Daddy is pretty and Daddy Eddie is pretty too and a Rockstar." He says softly

I raised my eyebrow and looked at my son who was still playing with my hair making a messy braid.

Did he just call Eddie his dad ,a big smile grew on my face .

"Nate couldn't wait any longer to see his mommy so I brought him by ,is that ok ?" Liam says, sitting down on my desk .

"Yes !!is more than ok ." I say excitedly peppering kisses all over Nate's little face .

Nate scrunches his nose with all the kisses I'm giving him .

"Mommy ,mommy can I stay and teach your class today !??" Nate asks sweetly cupping my face with his tiny hands squeezing my cheeks .

"Yes,but you're gonna have to be really strict not giving out the answer to anyone ok ." I smile at him and kiss his forehead .

"Yes !!" He jumps off from my lap and runs to go sit at my desk and turns on my computer .Ozzy follows him laying down next to him on the floor.

"We can meet after work at my apartment ." I tell Liam standing up to open the door to the classroom.

Checking the time in my watch seeing that it was 7:30am .

"Yes Of Course call me if anything ,I'm actually gonna be here right now in school

The whole day I'm helping with this charity event for my mother ."Liam tells me excitedly ,maybe he was hoping to spend more time with me but I don't know , and I know Eddie wouldn't like that at all .

"Wow that's great ,I'll guess I'll see you around ." I fake smile not being too excited to spend more time with Liam,the only reason we talk was because of our son. If not I wouldn't talk to him at all and because of our app thing .

I groaned mentally but from the outside I had a fake smile.

"I want to be close to Nate as much as possible. I might look for a place here in Hawkins but I'm still undecided. All I know is that I'll move wherever you and Nate are ." He says walking closer to me, our faces inches apart .

Yeah ,what is he doing ?

His hand goes to my cheek but I move away from his touch. I don't know what he is trying to do .

Before when he did that I would melt for his touch but now I don't feel anything .

I wasn't gonna fall for him anymore. I had already suffered enough for what he did.I did forgive him but I wasn't in love with him anymore .

"Liam ." I said softly

"Dani ,I'm sorry I-I really want to work things out between us if you let me ." Did he just say that ?? I can't believe him he actually wants to work things out right now that I'm in a relationship with Eddie which is wrong in my part because im his teacher but fuck I can't seem to let go of him .He said what I w aged him to say so long ago and now here he was saying those I wanted to hear before . But now they mean nothing to me .

"Liam I can't, I love him ." I said softly

"Dani !! He can't give you what I can ,Jesus Christ !! He is still in High school !! What future do you have with him ." He whisper shout Moving his hands around

"I-I don't care if he doesn't have money ,I don't care about the stupid fancy shit ,because I love him ." I whisper shouted back at him .

We probably look like some kind of weirdos whispering shouting to each other .

"Dani, think about it please ." He leaned in to kiss my cheek ,I gently pushed him back putting my hand on his chest .

"Eddie!!!!"Nate runs from my desk jumping in Eddie's arms.Ozzy following behind.

My heart melts seeing my son so happy with Eddie and I’m also scared that Eddie might have heard something. Or worse for Nate to open his mouth and say something about Eddie and I.

Next chapter

#eddie munson #stranger things #love #lovers #hawkins high #hawkins #teacher crush #student #autism awareness #adhd

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