#my baby doesnt neex an apology but i wanted him to get one

[mackalmorr]

All Apologies - sns

There’s a question in those eyes, ever searching, ever patient. Where do you go from here? What do you choose?

And Sasuke knows what he has to do, can feel the flush of shame, hot and steady, on the back of his neck. Feels like clawing his way out of his own skin as the tears slip from his eyes and his breathes stutter over the lump in his throat. Uchihas don’t cry. It was a silent lesson taught at a young age, one Fugaku stern as ever burned into Sasuke’s mind. But, gods, he’s lost so much and he’s carried that burden alone for so long and fuck if it hasn’t taken a toll on him. Pushed him to the edge of his own fucking sanity too many times to count, and worst of all pushed him to try and rid himself of the one good thing left in his miserable life at this point.

The boy standing before him.

All fucking sunshine hair and sky blue eyes, filled with so many emotions it makes Sasuke queasy. But he has to do this. Has to get it off his chest, so he can breathe without the weight of regret in his lungs. Yes, he’s always believed that actions speak louder than words, but his decisions over the years left everyone but this idiot deaf with their screams for vengeance and nothing else.

So here he is on his knees, before Naruto. Quiet tears turn to wracking sobs as he mentally goes over all the wrong he’s done to him. All the hurt he’s caused him because destiny and he himself decided his path was one full of revenge and hate and shadows.

He can all but feel his hand pushed through flesh and cracked bone, smell the tang of copper heavy and thick in the air. And suddenly he’s twelve years old again and he’s going to be sick. Is he going to be sick? Pull it together. That was years ago. No there’s no blood there. Why is your hand trembling?

And Naruto is as patient as ever, doesn’t push Sasuke, doesn’t plead with him anymore, learned long ago that it never really worked. If he decided to do something it had to be his own choice.

Sasuke feels like the words spill from his lips like rocks tumbling down a mountain side, ungraceful and out of control, heavy as they are wrenched from somewhere deep in his chest.

But really they come out as a soft whisper, painful and sorrowful, and full of so much regret he feels like he’s wading waist deep in it.

“I’m sorry.”

Then suddenly there’s a hand in front of him. Gentle and kind, palm up waiting patiently to pull him from his knees out of the grave he’s dug himself into. He can feel the flames of remorse, white hot, all the way from his ears to his fingertips as they twist into the fabric of his pants. They itch to grasp the given opportunity, want nothing more than to move forward with Naruto, but there’s a voice singing in his head that he doesn’t deserve this second (or is it the hundredth?) chance.

Every muscle is tense, his mind screaming to move! And its like he’s coated in concrete. He’s shaking with the effort of staying still, afraid that if he lets go he’ll either grip Naruto so tightly he’ll strain every muscle in his body or wake up because there’s really no other way that this could be happening, right? Its got to be a dream.

But then there’s a pressure on his shoulder and a voice soft and reassuring with its underlying strength ringing in his ears, calling him back to the present. And its all he’s prayed for since he left that godforsaken village, and everything he knows somewhere deep he doesn’t deserve.

But he doesn’t care, because if the other is willing to give that answer, option, miracle, then he will take it and he will never, never, let go.

“It’s okay.”

His eyes are still wet as they meet Naruto’s. The deep vibrant blue just as he remembered it, the crinkles just a bit more pronounced. And Sasuke’s heart stutters because he’s wearing that smile.

The soft and reassuring smile that shines bright in every gentle line of his face, can be felt in every brush of fingertips. And he all but fucking clings to Naruto, wraps his arms around whatever he can grab, buries his face in the others stomach and fuck he wishes he could stop crying but its been years and years and years since he's allowed himself to feel anything other than hate. Everything else is weakness, its been proved true to him time and time again by a harsh world and cruel people.

 But with Naruto there, in his arms, smiling and gentle and kind and forgiving he doesn't care. Can't find an ounce of a fuck anywhere in his being because Naruto looks at him and sees nothing but a man. Not a traitor. Not a victim, enemy, or monster. And Sasuke can feel it in his bones, knows that Naruto understands just how hard this is for him and just how badly he needed to do it. There is no pity there. No place for it between those two boys, never has been nor will be.

 He can see only pride and love and joy in Naruto's eyes, and for the first time in his life he feels as if he has found what he spent so long searching for in all the wrong places.

 Strength. True and pure as it flows within him, ecapes from his eyes, soaks into the fabric of Naruto's shirt.