#my auctober

[youdontlookautistic]

Auctober: Individualism.

This one is late, and I was gonna do the whole month, but let me explain.

This comic is what made me survive October. About a week ago I was forced to go no contact with my entire family, for 2 years, because they couldn’t respect me or my boundaries. I held on to this, my truth, as I struggled to deal with their abuse. Abuse I hadn’t been able to truly recognise until the past 6 months, that all came to a head now.

It has been a… revelation, let’s use that word. It’s been a revelation to realise I’ve grown up in a family I specifically wasn’t allowed to be disabled in. The ableism was so hard core it arcs into ego and narcissism.

I wasn’t allowed to have needs or wants, I was expected to be independent even though it was obvious to everyone outside my family that I needed support, and help. And if I wasn’t, I was shamed, controlled, ignored, dismissed, invalidated.

And while the pain of going no contact with those I truly, honestly believed supported me the most has threatened to bury me, I now hold onto my self. I hope and trust that there’s something in me that can help others. It’s my self that is my oxygen mask, in the darkest night.

I’ve never had that before.

AND IT’S AMAZING.

Also as a 2nd year art student this is my first comic.

@autiebiographical ran the month of Auctober! Thank you.

[sclangelc]

their clown names r dilly and dally. if u point out my typo ur gay

auctober day 17 clowns i totally didnt nepo baby this theme for @solangeloweek

[oswald-can-draw]

It’s hard to remember that I have a disability, especially in the “if no one can tell, you’re not disabled, you aren’t” society that we live in.

I find myself making socially acceptable excuses for my burnout/inattentiveness/awkwardness. Sometimes that’s for the best, but it can be exhausting. There’s only so many “just tired”s and “just woke up from a nap”s that I can throw out before the mask starts to slip.

I feel like everyone else has this capacity that I don’t, this extra space that, no matter how hard I work, I cannot reach. I am not miserable in my existence, and I do not want to be cured, but autism can be very heavy, especially when I’m trying to explain myself.

[heumilch]

AUCTOBER day 22: Disabled

An october art challenge by @autiebiographical

I got an offical diagnosis for my learning disabilty as a child, but it did not help me as much as it should have

[lovely-english-rose]

for @solangelo and @solangeloweek theme rainbow!

something really experimental bc fuck it we ball

[ilov3b00kss0much]

day 2 of auctober, delivered slightly late!

If it’s not clear, I’m stimming with weird hand blurry motion thingy. I also dont wanna draw hands.

@autiebiographical

[rusty-clockworks]

Auctober prompt 17: Repetition

I have palilalia, we’re you repeat you have said. For me, I normally say something and then subconsciously mouth/mumble the words again with the same facial expressions I used when I said it the first time. Sometimes I find myself repeating something I’ve said as a vocal stim (my most recent example is saying ‘hello Alice’ with elongated vowels, random I know, after saying it to a character in a video game I was playing).

I also have echolalia, repeating something you’ve heard, for me it tends to be quotes from movie shows and Vines. I think I also find them a helpful crutch in social settings even if I do it without thinking.

[wo1veshour]

so, I fell very behind… here’s my faviorites of days 1-13 of @autiebiographical s inktober challenge, AuTober!

Warning for bright colours below the cut off!

Bright colours and intrusive thoughts warning! ⚠️

side note with day 13, there are so many positives of having a vivid imagination, but I feel like the darker bits are often overlooked, and they tend to be what I experience more. So, my daily commute!

side note side note: my (non-dominant) arm is broken atm, so I can only really type with one hand. I’m not used to this and my spelling is already trash, so please excuse any spelling mistakes!

[buoyantsaturn]

plant check (1/1)

for @solangelo's anniversary event (pretend I posted this in time for the "confession" prompt lol) and @solangeloweek's auctober event! summary: “I would kind of like to know how long you’ve been staring me down, if only so I can be sure I haven’t been ignoring my favorite patient for, like, an hour.” “Not an hour,” Nico told him, though his mind was suddenly circling around favorite patient. word count: 4,739

read on ao3

Nico hadn’t even known that Will was at the dining pavilion until the end of lunch rolled around and Will appeared beside him at the Big Three table, shoving a stopwatch under his nose. The numbers flashed up at him, paused at 17:38, and Nico felt himself flush.

“Beat your record,” Will said, a grin in his voice, before he started to walk away, off to the Apollo cabin’s first afternoon activity.

read the rest here

buy me a coffee | more anniversary event stuff | more auctober stuff

[super-aut1sm]

I made some comics because I have become passionate about this

Hmm I wonder what this metaphor could be about

[youdontlookautistic]

Auctober Day 4: Music

This piece resonated with me a lot. It was difficult to really try and convey how it feels and what I see when I listen to music. It is my drug. My emotional guide. I think this is close.

@autiebiographical is the legend who started this.

[sclangelc]

will only suggested it because of the pirates. obviously

[oswald-can-draw]

I have been given or have given myself a lot of unkind labels over the years — ones that I’m still unlearning. I know that some things will never go away. Certain feelings, certain memories, certain fears.

I remember what it was like to grow up different, and to play along with cruel jokes because it was the only way I was included in anything. I remember doing embarrassing things for attention. I remember being called weird and a crybaby.

But those memories, and what people thought about me then and now, do not make me who I am.

[heumilch]

AUCTOBER day 26: Fidgeting

An october art challenge by @autiebiographical

My whole life I have been reprimanded for fidgeting too much. Somehow the evasive behaviour I established with each new rule just escalated the self destructiveness

[lovely-english-rose]

for @solangeloweek AUctober Day 31 - Happy Halloween!

silly couples costumes (moth + lamp)

[get-grubered]

auctober day 4: music

I wasn't going to do this originally (I missed the first few days because I don't normally do this sort of thing) but with musical theatre being one of my biggest special interests I thought I should do this one :)

I think watching musicals and listening to their soundtracks a lot actually helped me realise my empathy isn't as low as I thought it was. I just need time to set aside my own thoughts and feelings so I can fully process what's going on.

When I fully focus on a musical, I really feel for these characters.

Cabaret is my favourite musical, and when the reprise of Tomorrow Belongs To Me comes on, and everyone starts singing it together with Herr Ludwig, it's shocking. I've seen and heard it so many times, but I feel so awkward listening to it. Cabaret (the song) and Maybe This Time always almost make me cry.

Last Midnight from Into the Woods makes me really feel the anger the witch has towards everyone. No One Is Alone makes me come really close to crying.

It's Just a Ride from Ride The Cyclone also makes me come really close to crying. The Ballad of Jane Doe is unsettling but also incredibly sad- there's this girl who has no memory of her life or who she is, and all she wants is some sense of identity.

I could go on but I don't want to keep you reading forever, haha. I'll put the songs I mentioned under the cut if you want to listen to them.