#my auctober

[youdontlookautistic]

Auctober: Individualism.

This one is late, and I was gonna do the whole month, but let me explain.

This comic is what made me survive October. About a week ago I was forced to go no contact with my entire family, for 2 years, because they couldn’t respect me or my boundaries. I held on to this, my truth, as I struggled to deal with their abuse. Abuse I hadn’t been able to truly recognise until the past 6 months, that all came to a head now.

It has been a… revelation, let’s use that word. It’s been a revelation to realise I’ve grown up in a family I specifically wasn’t allowed to be disabled in. The ableism was so hard core it arcs into ego and narcissism.

I wasn’t allowed to have needs or wants, I was expected to be independent even though it was obvious to everyone outside my family that I needed support, and help. And if I wasn’t, I was shamed, controlled, ignored, dismissed, invalidated.

And while the pain of going no contact with those I truly, honestly believed supported me the most has threatened to bury me, I now hold onto my self. I hope and trust that there’s something in me that can help others. It’s my self that is my oxygen mask, in the darkest night.

I’ve never had that before.

AND IT’S AMAZING.

Also as a 2nd year art student this is my first comic.

@autiebiographical ran the month of Auctober! Thank you.

[sclangelc]

their clown names r dilly and dally. if u point out my typo ur gay

auctober day 17 clowns i totally didnt nepo baby this theme for @solangeloweek

[heumilch]

AUCTOBER day 22: Disabled

An october art challenge by @autiebiographical

I got an offical diagnosis for my learning disabilty as a child, but it did not help me as much as it should have

[oswald-can-draw]

It’s hard to remember that I have a disability, especially in the “if no one can tell, you’re not disabled, you aren’t” society that we live in.

I find myself making socially acceptable excuses for my burnout/inattentiveness/awkwardness. Sometimes that’s for the best, but it can be exhausting. There’s only so many “just tired”s and “just woke up from a nap”s that I can throw out before the mask starts to slip.

I feel like everyone else has this capacity that I don’t, this extra space that, no matter how hard I work, I cannot reach. I am not miserable in my existence, and I do not want to be cured, but autism can be very heavy, especially when I’m trying to explain myself.

[lovely-english-rose]

for @solangelo and @solangeloweek theme rainbow!

something really experimental bc fuck it we ball

[ilov3b00kss0much]

day 2 of auctober, delivered slightly late!

If it’s not clear, I’m stimming with weird hand blurry motion thingy. I also dont wanna draw hands.

@autiebiographical

[rusty-clockworks]

Auctober prompt 17: Repetition

I have palilalia, we’re you repeat you have said. For me, I normally say something and then subconsciously mouth/mumble the words again with the same facial expressions I used when I said it the first time. Sometimes I find myself repeating something I’ve said as a vocal stim (my most recent example is saying ‘hello Alice’ with elongated vowels, random I know, after saying it to a character in a video game I was playing).

I also have echolalia, repeating something you’ve heard, for me it tends to be quotes from movie shows and Vines. I think I also find them a helpful crutch in social settings even if I do it without thinking.

[wo1veshour]

so, I fell very behind… here’s my faviorites of days 1-13 of @autiebiographical s inktober challenge, AuTober!

Warning for bright colours below the cut off!

Bright colours and intrusive thoughts warning! ⚠️

side note with day 13, there are so many positives of having a vivid imagination, but I feel like the darker bits are often overlooked, and they tend to be what I experience more. So, my daily commute!

side note side note: my (non-dominant) arm is broken atm, so I can only really type with one hand. I’m not used to this and my spelling is already trash, so please excuse any spelling mistakes!

[buoyantsaturn]

plant check (1/1)

for @solangelo's anniversary event (pretend I posted this in time for the "confession" prompt lol) and @solangeloweek's auctober event! summary: “I would kind of like to know how long you’ve been staring me down, if only so I can be sure I haven’t been ignoring my favorite patient for, like, an hour.” “Not an hour,” Nico told him, though his mind was suddenly circling around favorite patient. word count: 4,739

read on ao3

Nico hadn’t even known that Will was at the dining pavilion until the end of lunch rolled around and Will appeared beside him at the Big Three table, shoving a stopwatch under his nose. The numbers flashed up at him, paused at 17:38, and Nico felt himself flush.

“Beat your record,” Will said, a grin in his voice, before he started to walk away, off to the Apollo cabin’s first afternoon activity.

read the rest here

buy me a coffee | more anniversary event stuff | more auctober stuff

[get-grubered]

auctober day 4: music

I wasn't going to do this originally (I missed the first few days because I don't normally do this sort of thing) but with musical theatre being one of my biggest special interests I thought I should do this one :)

I think watching musicals and listening to their soundtracks a lot actually helped me realise my empathy isn't as low as I thought it was. I just need time to set aside my own thoughts and feelings so I can fully process what's going on.

When I fully focus on a musical, I really feel for these characters.

Cabaret is my favourite musical, and when the reprise of Tomorrow Belongs To Me comes on, and everyone starts singing it together with Herr Ludwig, it's shocking. I've seen and heard it so many times, but I feel so awkward listening to it. Cabaret (the song) and Maybe This Time always almost make me cry.

Last Midnight from Into the Woods makes me really feel the anger the witch has towards everyone. No One Is Alone makes me come really close to crying.

It's Just a Ride from Ride The Cyclone also makes me come really close to crying. The Ballad of Jane Doe is unsettling but also incredibly sad- there's this girl who has no memory of her life or who she is, and all she wants is some sense of identity.

I could go on but I don't want to keep you reading forever, haha. I'll put the songs I mentioned under the cut if you want to listen to them.

[youdontlookautistic]

Auctober Day 4: Music

This piece resonated with me a lot. It was difficult to really try and convey how it feels and what I see when I listen to music. It is my drug. My emotional guide. I think this is close.

@autiebiographical is the legend who started this.

[sclangelc]

will only suggested it because of the pirates. obviously

[heumilch]

AUCTOBER day 26: Fidgeting

An october art challenge by @autiebiographical

My whole life I have been reprimanded for fidgeting too much. Somehow the evasive behaviour I established with each new rule just escalated the self destructiveness

[oswald-can-draw]

I have been given or have given myself a lot of unkind labels over the years — ones that I’m still unlearning. I know that some things will never go away. Certain feelings, certain memories, certain fears.

I remember what it was like to grow up different, and to play along with cruel jokes because it was the only way I was included in anything. I remember doing embarrassing things for attention. I remember being called weird and a crybaby.

But those memories, and what people thought about me then and now, do not make me who I am.

[lovely-english-rose]

for @solangeloweek AUctober Day 31 - Happy Halloween!

silly couples costumes (moth + lamp)

[angstea]

it's getting cold down here underneath the weather

Fandom: FNAF Movie (but it's just my OCs lmao, there's barely anything related to FNAF in here 😭😭)

Ship: Dennbur

Series: Auctober 2024

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Summary: Dennis gets a call from Bur in the middle of the night

AN: Screw being generally accessible to audiences, I'm writing about the sillies that exist in my brain

Title is from Boys Will Be Bugs by Cavetown

Written for Auctober Day 9: Community

TW: Implied self harm (it's a blink and you'll miss it moment but still)

Read on AO3

The phone was ringing. Dennis squinted at the clock on his bedside table. 1:17am. With a start, he leapt from his bed and ran down the hall as quietly as possible.

Finding the phone ringing on the hook by the dining room, he picked it up before his mom or the twins were woken by it like him.

"Hello?" he whispered.

"Dennis?" a tearful voice rattled through the phone.

"Bur?"

"I didn't know what else to do. Sorry. Did I wake you?"

"You did. It's okay though, are you alright?"

"I - I don't know, I just...I didn't want to be alone."

"Why not?" Dennis couldn't hold back the concern. He was worried for Bur. He worried about Bur a lot, if he was honest.

He was met with the quiet crackling ambience of Bur's silence.

"Do you want me to come over?"

Dennis didn't expect a reply, but a sharp inhale and a mumble of "I'm not sure" answered.

"We can meet in the park?"

The park was a common rendezvous spot, especially this late. Once, Bur had climbed onto the roof of a play structure and declared itself ruler of the park and howled at the full moon like a wolf, which triggered a laughing fit from both of them which almost sent Bur tumbling to the ground.

The next day, Ness had excitedly relayed a rumour of a werewolf in the neighbourhood. The both of them hated to burst his bubble but Ness merely congratulated Bur on spawning such a story and declared it the town's resident cryptid.

"Park? Park. Yeah. That's good. I'll see you there."

Dennis didn't comment on its rambling sentences, just agreed with it and waited for it to hang up the phone.

-

Bur was sitting on the swings already when he got there. It was kicking its legs and gently swaying in the breeze. It wasn't dressed for the cold whatsoever, Dennis wouldn't be surprised if it had just rolled out of bed, put on shoes and ran straight here.

"Hi there, darling." he greeted, walking up to it.

It smiled sleepily and didn't look up from the ground.

"Hi Dennis." it mumbled, leaning forward to rest its head against Dennis' chest. He began to run his fingers through its hair which just made it melt more.

"You should've put on a coat before you left, you know."

Bur sighed, weary. "I know. I forgot. Mind's all messy."

It made a gesture to indicate its scrambled thoughts, waving its left hand around by its head. Its arm had gained a few bandaids since Dennis had last seen it.

Dennis shrugged off his hoodie and settled it over Bur's shoulders, much to their annoyance.

"Now you're gonna be cold!"

"You're shivering and I'm not."

Bur opened its mouth to argue but Dennis covered its mouth with his hand.

"No arguing, you're keeping the hoodie." he proclaimed with greatly exaggerated smugness.

Bur got a devious look in its eyes. And licked Dennis' hand. He yanked his hand away in surprise.

"Ew!! Bur, why would you do that!?" he was laughing as he said it, wiping his hand on his shirt.

Bur giggled and stuck its tongue out at him. It kicked its feet against the dirt happily. Dennis couldn't bring himself to stay mad at it, not when it was smiling like that.

"I'm glad you're happy." he put on a mock offended tone, only to break into giggles himself.

"I don't know if I'm happy, exactly." Bur replied, but a soft smile crossed its face. "I do feel better though."

"That's all I want."