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luselih · 7 months ago

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Another new tumblr page! Welcome welcome!

I was wondering your thoughts on some of the Bleach captains with a very petite s/o? Think like… 4’8 - 5’2 , teeny tiny lil things. Someone who “looks” frail at first glance. Is someone smaller their type? Would that factor into any pursuit? 👀 You can go into NSFW territory if you like, but I’d be happy with SFW too!

miniature love(r) || gotei 13

summary/ask: bleach captains with tiny/petite s/o! (height underneath 5’2 / 157 cm tall)

content warnings | manga spoilers!!, separated in sfw/nsfw, sfw- mostly fluff (a little bit of angst) and my personal opinions of them having tiny fem s/o, teasing, kissing and physical affection, mentions of kids and domestic life, i think that’s it for this part, nsfw - so smut of course (minors dni), fem! reader, neutral skin color reader, yapping too much about kinks ,size kink go BRRRRR, oral (receiving), different sex positions, wlw!!, overstimulation, breeding + pregnancy + kids mentioned, mentions after care + more…

a/n - #1 i am actually using tumblr last 3 years but i just recently got back into writing lol and you got my european ass to convert those feet’s and inches to centimeters, 😦 i am like 5’8-9 feet ( around 175 cm-ish tall ) so please if i didn’t get a good point in this writing im sorry 😭, didn’t write for old man Yama, sorry not sorry honestly, he’s best grandpa tho <3

#2 also to say i wrote for captains in that picture (start of tybw lineup) if you are interested in past/future captains please send me a request! i don’t mind doing them later on~ Toshiro is aged up (grown up/him using his complete bankai)!

SFW!

Suì-Fēng is interesting one since she is not the tallest one (as tall as 150 cm (4'11")) definitely so she is leaning more into taller or at least average sized ones. However i don’t think she minds someone around her height, they can get each other struggles and solve then like you climbing on her shoulders to get a food from a high cabinet in a kitchen or gets in a tiny space together comfortably, yeah i think she is content with it!

Rōjūrō Ōtoribashi would like to have someone dandy on his side, dressing you up in fancy clothes and accessories. Having you as his dress up doll at home~ (sorry this is dry, i don’t like his characters that much lol)

Retsu (Yachiru) Unohana isn’t that tall either being 159 cm (5'2½") tall but her terrifying aura so there is no one pick on you and definitely not her in entire Seireitei so that’s nice <3 However i see her personal preference is someone taller but she also doesn’t mind having “a puppy” following her in free time ;)

Shinji Hirako, this little shit of a man would tease you till a day you die, picking on you as you are just trying to do your job or just passing by, he would put just get your paperwork and lift it that his lanky ass could reach and stuck his tongue out at you, eventually giving in and giving it back with a playful grin and a kiss on a side of your cheek as a apology, saying he won’t tease you again and then teasing you AGAIN not even an hour later 🤦‍♀️

Byakuya Kuchiki would honestly prefer someone who is tiny imo, that has already been proven right since he was with Hisana who is most likely same size as Rukia so there is no doubt. As a head of a clan he likes the feeling that his dearest could rely on him in anything, call it whatever you want but it brings him a sense of something he lost once and he is not planning to lose it again.

Sajin Komamura is TALLEST one 288 cm (9'5½") so as i said he would be probably more found of someone taller or average sized…however! that’s doesn’t mean he wouldn’t enjoy having you around, in both of his forms he would carry you bridal style at late night hours or when Seireitei is empty so you two could have your time without having a fear of being judged or made fun of because of your appearances.

Shunsui Kyōraku, this man hoe likes every woman. He is a proud women lover. He loves any shape, size and complexion in women, he would absolutely adore having you close to him anywhere, especially in his bed late at night as he brushes your wedding rings together :)

Kensei Muguruma is on a more neutral side since i can see him wanting a tall and strong s/o he can fight and train with, but something in me is telling me that he’s a traditional man, he likes to be needed and wanted, be able to stood out in front of you proud, strong and straight to protect you.

Tōshirō Hitsugaya would finally be relieved that there is another person that is small, he’s so mf tiny that you are just maybe slightly taller than him anyway, in his true bankai form he’s around Byakuya’s height so he just might indulge himself into telling you a slight teasing comment, yeah i think he would like someone tiny to match him-

Kenpachi Zaraki would have a smaller s/o without a need for you to be smaller than an average woman in height, he’s like tall-tall, strong and intimidating compared with every race anyway. However i do have a feeling that he would like to have someone so dandy and small like Yachiru since she is a practically a part of his soul so he is found of tiny and cute things. Since his little Yachiru left ( :( ) you had become one who would sit on his shoulder as you two have to go anywhere, imo he probably wishes that one day if you two had a little kid together that it would be little girl who is his eyes is a little Yachiru who you two take care of, but this one have a little eyes just like yours and he likes that very much <3

Mayuri Kurotsuchi, this is weird one because i can see him not really having a type? He barely likes anyone, yet your tiny ass got underneath his skin and now you are here for him. Following him as you two raise Nemuri together, you 3 now looking like a real family!

Jūshirō Ukitake :( gosh i love him so much, anyway he is so nice with you, since you both are physically not very strong, it would make it easy but he fears he couldn’t protect you in time because of his fragile body :( yeah, can definitely see him with tiny s/o <3

NSFW!

Suì-Fēng - i think she loves classic scissoring as you two play w each other’s clits, can’t go well with that one and also, just sit on her face when she’s angry and don’t you dare to put only 10 percents of your body weight on her, fucking sit on it like a chair and let her spend her big mouth on a good job between your legs~

Rōjūrō Ōtoribashi - into Dacryphilia, absolutely loves when you get all pretty and dolled up especially in tiny dress, Pretzel Dip or missionary as you cry from overstimulation, looking so ruined and perfect just for him <3

Retsu (Yachiru) Unohana - man, if you haven’t died when she showed a 8 inch strap up your vagina and fucked you like she hate your guts you are good 👍 anyway, she fucking loves when you ride her or when she puts you in a mating press, absolutely filthy as she splits in your mouth you just because. ( she had a secret breeding kink but shush 🤫 don’t say you heard it from me, also i got some trans!Unohana thoughs, anyone interested in hearing it? comment down please!)

Shinji Hirako - he’s such a meanie in bed too ☹️, i mean he would literally yank you back by your ankle and continue giving you head with his pierced tongue, gosh the overstimulation is crazyyyy with him. Absolutely loves snuggling after it and his hand sliding on your side gently as it went to tease your kitty cat AGAIN-

Byakuya Kuchiki - he must be in love w you if he brings you to his bed so missionary or any position where he can see your face and kiss it is a must, he makes love with you and genuinely only fuckes you if he is jealous or mad, probably have a savior kinks/hints of it sometimes + soft kisses down your back as he praises you after 🥹

Sajin Komamura - (human version) when you two have sex he can’t help but to have a need to make you his because of wolf genetics in him so pretzel dip or prone bone are his favorite positions to make your tiny mind mindless as he might just cums inside if you especially in spring 🤭

Shunsui Kyōraku - loves cowgirl/any version of it so he doesn’t have to do too much at least at the start, see you bouncing on top of his cook as it’s tip bullies your cervix is a fever dream, pressing against your lower back or tummy just for your pussy get a death grip on his dick, isn’t fully interested in pulling out so pregnancy is inevitable sooner or later my dear 🫡

Kensei Muguruma - he is a simple man so he goes doggy or full nelson, fucks to fucks and myb slightly into bondage?? absolutely makes you squirt by fingering you, hate sex??? he absolutely demolish your poor pussy if you flirt w Shinji or Rose, he will kiss your forehead after it tho <3

Tōshirō Hitsugaya - (grown up version) doesn’t have that high of a sex drive but he adores you so he indulge into your horny cravings of him, loves spooning or Scissoring (just mlw) so he can kiss your shoulders or forehead as he for sure makes you cum couple of times at end of the night, secretly loves cookwarming but shushhh 🫢

Kenpachi Zaraki - actually fuckes you in every position possible and everywhere you can imagine, loves stand and deliver (The Bicycle position) as he is chocking you while pounding into your tight kitty, your bodies only stability is his arm that you are gripping for dear life and yes, he isn’t pulling out since he say so <3

Mayuri Kurotsuchi - doesn’t have that high of sex drive but he would absolutely make you deepthroath his length if you are bratty enough, probably some doctor/patient roleplay, people of Seireitei are scared to see his genuine smile if they see a little girl with both of your features??

Jūshirō Ukitake - my sweet man can only had cow girl/variations + missionary sex position with you so he doesn’t finish too soon, absolutely PERFECT with his fingers and has a praise kink so absolutely praise the living shit out of him as you make love underneath the moonlight all night long so he can be happy <333

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hyunsvngs · 8 months ago

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What about getting fem!channie so high she’s finally relaxed enough to squirt for you? She has half a mind to be shocked but she’s so cozy and basically delirious with pleasure all cuddled up in your bed…

Or getting stoned with hyune and letting him fuck you to sleep, just so sweet and warm and gentle with it, your faces stay inches apart so you can whisper sweetly back and forth

Dealer!Hannie who always brings you extra treats with whatever your ordered bc he knows if he sticks around and gets you high enough you’ll eventually want to blow him (feat. my stoned oral fixation…), or even just keep his cock in your mouth while watching movies together, laying on your stomach across the couch with your feet kicking lol

These posts always come while im at work lol typing this under my desk

-1%

oh oh ohhh and what about fem!channie being ur plug too!!!! coming to ur house to drop off with her beanie pulled over her long curls and her sleeveless shirt exposing her delicious arms 😵‍💫‼️ you wanna get her into bed with you soo bad, and it’s a few times after that when she gets that relaxed for you. she’s naked, breasts heaving over taut abs and a curvy set of hips, and she stutters out apologies when she squirts all over your face. her cheeks blush red and you want to coo at her but you know she’s so embarrassed! she’s meant to be a cool girl!! kiss her little cheekies n ease her up <3

n for hyune ohhh my loverboy… lil whispers of “fuck, you’re so w-warm, my queen,” while he ruts into you softly, his hair cascading over the two of you like a curtain, leaving you completely alone together, in your own little world… your thighs wrapped around his waist as he grips underneath your ass to hit it deeper, and you can’t help but coo when he moans so sweet 😵‍💫

and and and oh my dealer!hannie!!! and maybe hes a lil perv with it too lol. gets felix to bake him some brownies to take to you and sweetens you up on some chocolate when you’re high. lets you coo at him n wipe his bottom lip with ur thumb as if he’s soo innocent 😵‍💫 rolls u joints and gets u relaxed enough that you just have to say it!! u want his cock in ur mouth rn!! and he lets you, pulling his cock out of his joggers n u just suckle it into ur mouth, ur feet kicking behind u and hannie probably gets turned on at that too 😵‍💫 OH BOYYYY

#juno’s asks ♡#1% anon 💌#asks: hyune #asks: jisung #asks: channie #fem!skz #stoner!skz

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thebestandrealestever · 1 year ago

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~LET THE LIGHT IN!~

part one: “friends?”

black fem coded! reader x miles morales 42 sum: ur his light :) .grumpy x sunshine kinda . warns : n word use, arguments translations: sol= sun

a/n: hey bookies , school beatin my ass !!! ima try to update at LEAST twice a week . yaal can slap me if i don’t, lol enjoy <33 . as always this is heavily unedited and this is short because it’s going to have multiple parts! a lil sum sumi’ve been working on.

miles used to be talkative, before you know what happened. he was quieter and if he did talk it was cold toned and short lived, you noticed that he didn’t talk and that’s no way to spend your high school years. so you were going to no determined to be his friend this year, it doesn’t hurt that you think he’s cute also.

“hey miles” you smiled at him as you took your seat next to him, he just nodded at you not even looking back. you smiled awkwardly to yourself but ultimately shook it off. you said hi to him and small talk every day, he was still the same monotone dude who never reciprocated the cheerful manner you spoke to him in so you decided do stop, you weren’t gonna waist your time trying to be nice to a gu-

“hey (name). how was your morning?” speak of the devil, even though his tone was rock hard if sounded like he was at least trying, you turn your head to him and see the small smile tugging at his lips and you return it “hey miles!” you ramble on to him about your morning and he talks too.

the next 3 days he didn’t show up at all, it did worry you a bit but maybe he was just sick. when he did come back he had a fat bruise on his sharp cheekbone, you noticed it when he sat down.

“what happened to your face? is it the reason you haven’t been at school. are you okay miles?” you turn your whole body to look at his bruise moving his chin with your hand. “don’t worry about it, sol. im good” he said gently brushing your hand off of his face but you didn’t believe it one bit. “but i am worried, tell me what happened?” you eagerly said almost demanding, putting your hand back on his chin and moving it up to get another look at the bruise and you knew his temper was short but you didn’t care right now, that’s not normal. “i said im good (name) u can stop acting like u care so much now.” he spat feigning annoyance through gritted teeth pushing your hand off.

you raised a eyebrow confused at that last part, “i can stop acting like i care. nigga i do care, you’re my friend miles and i care about my fucking friends. but you right, ima stop acting” you said sarcasm coating your voice as you turn to face the other way fake focusing on whatever work was infront of you , you hear miles sigh deeply after 10 or so minutes and you roll your eyes at it.

“i’m sorry, sol.” you turn your eyes at him but not your body, waiting for him to say something else “it’s been a bad week, ian mean to take it out on you. i know you care. i’m sorry.” he said in a tone that almost sounded convincing, he never usually apologized, “my bads”were the closest thing you got to one. you shift in your seat to look him in the eyes, you had never fought before, you didn’t know what to do with this. “i’m not gonna say it’s okay because it’s not, i get it though. but definitely don’t do that shit again.” you say assertively whilst keeping a small smile on your face. he stifled a laugh “yeah. i won’t.” there’s a pause between the two of you just looking at each other. “friend huh? you wanna be my friend?”

he says leaning back in his chair, keeping his eyes on you. “i am your friend, i’m trying to be atleast. but i can’t if you won’t let me.” you shrug laying the weight of your head on your shoulder until you feel a pair of toned arms around you, you shook your eyes wide open because miles never initiated touch. “i’m trying to. i’m sorry.” he says muffled by the fabric of your shoulder that he’s currently stuffing his face inside of. he hasn’t had a friend in a while, this was weird. but maybe he could be yours.

#miles morales #across the spiderverse #black reader #miles morales x reader #earth 42 miles x reader #black fem reader #earth 42 miles morales x female reader #spotify #earth 42 miles x black reader #earth 42 prowler #developing friendships #grumpy x sunshine

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bitwynn · 2 years ago

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Not a fan

A SAGAU Impostor AU Songfic

Song used: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

...so I caved. Yep. Starting a new series even though i already have one. To be fair, i felt like i needed a break from that series since that beast needs a whole lotta world building and im planning for it to get into some heavy fucken subjects. This one tho is more chill and light-hearted, since theyre all just a bunch of kind of disconnected one shots that are all kind of connected. So like-- when this series gets a lil longer, you can literally start from any fic since its all connectedly disconnected. A better example was my original idea of me just writing the end goal where they finally defeat the impostor like-- directly after the Castaway fic to rlly show how connectedly disconnected it is but i refrained myself since i wanted to write more wanderer. Been playing as him a lot but i havent rlly done the archon quest yet lol but hes just a blast. Hes an annoying lil shit (affectionate)

Blue for Barbara, Yellow/Gold for Zhongli, Green for Wanderer, red for Diluc, Italics is Reader/General, Combined is Everyone. Colors only used for singing parts.

---

Is this the real life?

You were running again, the spears and arrows of the Millelith chasing you all across Liyue.

Is this just fantasy?

Zhongli was by your side, steadfast as a rock as he shielded you from their weapons-- both with his Jade Shields and his body.

Caught in a landslide,

A loose rock almost sent you tumbling down into the depths of the Chasm, Barbara grabbing you just in time.

No escape from reality.

Diluc recognizes the path you were taking towards Tiangong Gorge, immediately rushing off to the Chasm's Maw and letting loose Dawn-- his phoenix rising up into the sky like a blazing beacon, just buy the rest of you more time. He'll rejoin you once again, he knows the path you'd take. He's your main afterall.

Open your eyes,

The three of you make it, the relief from seeing the glow of the blue Waypoint almost bringing you to your knees.

Look up to the skies and see,

You stumble in, Barbara hauling your arm over her shoulder as Zhongli collapses the tunnel behind you. You may be Overseer of Teyvat but he is the Overseer of Liyue, and its stones still answers to his call. There is nothing left but the browns and greens that creep towards the borders of Liyue.

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,

Your little group exit the cavern, the fresh air of the rainforest cooling the sweat on your backs and you see Haypasia's "little neighbor" peeking up from behind a leaf.

Because I'm easy come, easy go,

The tiny Aranara, though a little hesitant that more people could see him now, takes your hand and guides you through Avidya Forest. Thank goodness you had caved from your siblings nagging and finally done at least a part of the Sumeru quest.

Little high, little low,

You were still unfamiliar with the lands of Sumeru, trusting your little lettuce friend to lead you to a place of safety, of rest.

Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me,

Lettuce, as you had affectionately named him, lead you all deep into the rainforests of Sumeru all while deftly avoiding the little village of forest rangers and the rangers themselves. You hadn't said a word to him but you knew, deep in somewhere, that he would be leading you somewhere safe. Somewhere protected.

Though this... wasn't what you expected.

To me.

He turns to your group, the smell of tea faintly wafting from the pot he was tending. "I don't think I need to introduce myself, do I?"

After the short but silent panic that washed over the three of you (it took the you and Barbara 5 minutes to even get a centimeter pulling Vortex Vanquisher out the cave wall while Zhongli aggressively apologized to him), the four of you were sat on the floor watching the Wanderer tend to the bubbling pots of food he was making.

There was a strange... very not tense(?), and very awkward energy in the air as he set aside cups and bowls for all of you, his own cup still full with steaming almost black water. Zhongli was very noticeably trying not to stare at his oversteeped tea.

Little Lettuce had already left, presumably to keep an eye on the area or watch out for Diluc. You didn't want to use him as a shield or a way to break the ice or something but god-- the energy in the air was just so uncomfortable.

You all watched Wanderer in this terse silence prepare your food, his soft chopping of the grilled unagi sounding like death knells in your cave. He took each of the bowls he set out, placing a considerable amount of rice in each and a small handful of dried seaweed and sesame seeds. Bringing out a jar of umeboshi from his inventory, he placed each slab of unagi with a single umeboshi atop the bed of rice and seaweed.

He pours out the tea onto the rice, 1, 2, 3... and stops. He cocks his head. Frowns.

"Wasn't there supposed to be four of you?"

And the silence was broken.

"W-well, little lettuce already left--"

"Not the aranara-- wait, you named him lettuce? Tsk, whatever. Where's the other one? The red one?"

"Oh, uhm, Diluc?"

He nods, the small scowl on his face almost carved into him. You feel your face heat as you turn your face away from him.

"He ran off. To the Maw. Let out his burst as a diversion to buy us time --but he'll find us. He'll come back. He knows the way, he knows how I think, he knows what I'll do. He'll come back."

Wanderer sighs, disappearing the extra bowl. You're not sure whether you said all that to stop his retort or to diminish your own worry.

You're shaken from your thoughts by Barbara holding your hand. She gives it a squeeze, and you squeeze back, thankful for the comfort.

"Are you just gonna keep staring at your food or do you want to die of both exhaustion and starvation?"

"Okay, eating now!"

You're handed a warm bowl of Shimi Chazuke, Wanderer's specialty. It didn't look like its in game icon, only having the plump umeboshi on top of a bed of rice and seaweed with the pale tea glistening in the light. But you had come to learn that many things in game didn't translate directly, there sure as hell no quest or mention of a "Divine Overseer, and yet-- and yet.

You bring the bowl up to your face, the warmth soaking into your aching, tired hands and its steam gently caressing your face. You mix a portion of the rice together with the tea, scoop it up, and put it into your mouth.

And practically turn into jelly at the taste.

"Umai...!" you moan, savoring the taste of it all.

The fresh rice soaked in the bitter tea tasted amazing, each bite slowly turning into a different flavor as the oils and sauce from the grilled unagi gradually mixed in with the rice. Cutting up a bit of the eel with your spoon, you mix it with the rice and your mouth burst with deliciousness.

The eel was grilled to perfection, plump and juicy and flaky. And with the addition of the tea, it introduced flavors you hadn't even imagined from a simple grilled fish.

As you were about to burst that plump little plum, the Wanderer stopped you, a strange look on his face. He handed you a handkerchief.

"Wipe your face, the flavor's gonna be off if you mix it with your tears."

Stunned, you took the handkerchief. "Oh."

It... had been a long time since you've eaten good food and found a place to rest. Too long.

You hold it close to your chest, eyes squeezed shut as you tried to calm down. After a moment, you wipe away the sweat, and tears, and snot, and grime that had accumulated on your journey. It had been such a long time since you first found kindness in this world, even if that kindness came from an emotionally stunned automaton designed to be a god.

You chuckled to yourself, a wet little thing, as you realize that you kept weeping harder and harder with each swipe of the cloth. You bury your face in it, the handkerchief practically soaked with your tears as you take a few calming breaths to finally stop your tears.

"I'm... I'm sorry, I-- its been a while since I've... yeah. Uhm..."

You take a breath, still wet with your snot. "I, uh... I'm gonna keep this, I uh-- ruined it. I'll, I'll clean it though! If you want it back."

Wanderer, handily ignoring your breakdown just earlier, cringes in disgust. "No thanks. Keep it, you need it more than me if you decide to bawl your eyes out again."

Despite the harshness of it, you soften, tucking the offending handkerchief away. "Thanks." "Don't ever mention it."

He reclines back into his little designated space in your cave, and hesitantly stokes the fire with his anemo vision. You pick your unfinished bowl of chazuke, umeboshi still waiting to be eaten. It was good to know that at least there was a few things that didn't change now that you're here.

"Are you finished yet? Stop gawking at your food and finish it so I can do the dishes."

Yep, some things just never change.

You finally finish your meal with the silence in the cave now something much more comfortable, the crackling of the fire and the quiet rushing and clanking of dishes almost lulling you into a sense of "you don't have a bounty placed on your head and are definitely not running from anyone and everyone for fear of them betraying you and handing you over to your megalomaniacal doppelganger".

Wanderer, having lost the argument of who does the dishes against Barbara, was definitely not sulking in his little corner and absolutely not fiddling with his new(?) anemo vision. "So, why'd you come here to Sumeru anyways? I know you definitely were not looking for me, considering the fact you tried to impale my head on sight. Which to be fair," he chuckles at Zhongli's sheepish face, stood near the cavern entrance. "I would do the same."

You absentmindedly plucked the strings of your Windblume Lyre, the instrument becoming a sort of stimming/coping device, helping you deal with everything that had happened to you. He hummed to himself, the cogs turning in his head. "I can't think of any other reason why you'd come here-- finding and trusting in me is a huge gamble that you won," he clarified, turning away from Barbara's blank stare. "the ancient Khaenri'ahn technology scattered around Sumeru won't be of any use if you were considering taking the fight to your impostor, the Irminsul Tree could be a good reason but I can't see any way you'd use it to help you, though knowledge is always good to have anyways."

He scoffed, reclining into the dirt of your cave. "Archons, imagine how ridiculous it would be if you just ran here because you had no choice but to! Like a bunch of scared animals, ahaha!"

You slowly sink behind your lyre as he continues.

"In my time here, you're infamous for always evading their grasp-- heck, there's even an entire division of scholars here dedicated to just trying to figure out how in the world you do it. Some say you're a master at faking trails, some say you have some sort of... psychic power that lets you read the mind of your enemies so you can anticipate their moves."

He shrugs.

"Honestly, I'm more inclined to believe that last one-- in my brief time as your Vessel before your descent, you somehow managed to find information about me, despite my entire existence being wiped from the Irminsul Tree. Add to that the experiences that your other Vessels had, and it's a pretty compelling case." A sigh. "Shame that probing is one-sided though, a peek into the mind of the 'Divine Deceiver' or 'Overseer' or whatever fancy title you call yourself would be quite intriguing. Who knows what schemes are you cooking up in there. Now tell me,"

He straightens, eyes boring into yours from where you were, at this point, hiding in shame behind your lyre. "why are you here in Sumeru?"

"Aha... ha... haaa..." If you had a pyro vision, your face would be on fire by now. You had to turn away, the warmth of embarrassment creeping down your neck. "Well, uhm..." You clear your throat, gulping as you try to even find the words to explain how much of a legitimately normal person you are, who was practically forced to grow brain cells specifically for scheming because if you didn't you would die.

"So, uh...ah he he he... heh..." you take a breath, a shaky grin on your lips. "So, you know how reality is sometimes stranger than fiction?"

He raises an eyebrow.

"Well..."

You vaguely gesture, hoping that your flailing would get your message across.

He stares at you. He stares some more. He blinks.

"No."

"Yeah."

"No..."

"Yeah...

"NO."

"YEAH--"

His mouth drops in shock as he tries to process what you're implying. The rumors painted a... much prettier and mightier picture of you than the both of you thought.

"I-- you-- wha-- how-- what?!"

He takes a breath, chest rising despite his lack of a need for air. He pinches the bridge of his nose, and you get the feeling that he's restraining himself from grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you stupid.

"So, you're telling me. That the 'Divine Deceiver' and their little posse made of a literal god, the once-captain of Mondstat's Knights of Favonius, and Mondstat's most renowned healer idol, have, quite literally, been running around like rats all over Teyvat and somehow, somehow staying alive by a thread?!"

"I KNOW MAN, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW WE'RE STILL ALIVE--"

"Oh my--"

He begins to growl, a black orb of anemo energy collecting in his palm. You squeak as you try to scramble to your feet, his face full of rage.

And the whirling winds in your cavern suddenly stops, Wanderer dismissing the dark energy in his hand. "Oh, relax."

He blows a raspberry at you, as you groan and sit back down. You bring your lyre back out from where you unconsciously disappeared it and clutch it like a lifeline.

"God, I never knew your idle could be that scary."

"...Idle?"

Barbara waves off his question, a sheepish expression on her face as she fixes her curls back into place. "Its... complicated. You'll learn more about it as you travel with us." She hands him the used and cleaned bowls and utensils. "You... will travel with us, right?"

He scoffs, taking the bowls and disappearing them with a flash of light. "Of course I will. Its literally in my name. Besides, I have nothing that ties me down anymore so I might as well wander with you guys."

She smiles at him, ever sweet and ever kind. She settles back down near the fire, drying her soaking hands. Though Zhongli is still taking watch by the cavern entrance, you could see the slightest look of pleased approval in his face. "Though if you are going to be travelling and running from the law with me, we need to make a plan instead of scurrying around like rats."

And at that, the entire cavern groans in exhaustion. "Not now, please." "We'd like to have some rest first, Wanderer!" "Please, fuck, no-- I've had enough scheming for 3 thousand years--"

"Wait, so you did have a plan going into Sumeru?!"

You wave him off, hands going to rest back upon the strings of your trusty lyre. "Well, it was more of like... a guideline? A safety net? We had a couple ideas on what to do if we ever ended up in Sumeru and we, yknow, ended up in Sumeru so we'll probably do that."

You pluck a couple strings as you remember what you "planned". "I hadn't finished the Sumeru main quest yet and I hadn't unlocked all of the Statues of the Seven yet either. We were thinking of unlocking all the Statues first since, without them, my 'all-encompassing' game map is jack shit here in Sumeru, and then we were thinking of finishing the main quest to both progress the story and better the... political? climate here along with a few other benefits. After that..."

You make a face, much more aggressively playing at your lyre. "We really didn't want to split up the party but, I kinda wanna finish the main story quest in the Chasm but also we need to collect all the Dendroculous and Electroculous for more stamina and stuff. But also, I kinda wanna visit Dragonspine since..." You let yourself trail off, the makings and ideas of plans evident in your voice.

Wanderer merely stares at you for a moment, the game terms flying over his head as Barbara mouths at him, "I'll tell you about it later". You sigh, dreading the planning of tomorrow as your fingers calm on the strings. "But, we can plan tomorrow. Please. We almost died multiple times again." He sighs, relenting. "At least you have the skeleton of a plan."

"Yes!"

Humming, you sink into the soft ground, thanking the soils of Teyvat for giving you some comforts in this trying time. What little grass in the cave caresses you in gratitude, as you pluck at your instrument.

The Wanderer sighs, as he prepares a small pot of tea. "You've been messing with that thing all night and its about to grate at my ears. Do you even know how to play?"

You chuckle a bit, sheepish as you hand the lyre over to Barbara who plays a quick, jaunty tune with a flourish. "Well, I can sing...?"

He sighs again, bowing his head and resigned to the confirmation that you were much more... ridiculous than the gossip and rumors painted you as. "Then why are you the one with the lyre?"

You shrug as Barbara starts up another little song. "Gives me something to do with my hands. Helps me calm down. Diluc and Barbara have been teaching me though when we have the time."

Your soft smile at Barbara's song turns cheeky as you turn to him. "Wanna hear what they've taught me?"

"Sure, better than forcing this inane conversation."

You giggle maniacally as you smile at Barbara, the singer immediately catching your drift. "Follow me?" "To the ends of the earth."

You laugh, as she tunes the instrument to the right notes. "Not like that you sap!" "I know, I know! But yes, of course. His song right?"

You nod. "Yep."

"'My' song...?" Wanderer tilts his head in confusion, before realization dawns on his face.

"Hey, just because it has my-- ...that name, does not immediately mean its 'my song'."

The two of you handily ignore his slip up, you drinking some water in preparation for singing and Barbara testing the lyre if its in tune. "Oh, please," you say, sitting up. "you haven't even heard the full thing yet! It's definitely your song."

He sighs, leaning back against the cavern wall. "Very well then. Indulge me."

You start, reciting the beginning "poem" from memory. Barbara watches and waits, fingers hovering above the strings. Wanderer cocks his head, clearly interested. She begins playing as you get halfway, the lyre an excellent substitute for the piano. You continue, the Wanderer scoffing a little at the poem's mention of a poor boy needing no sympathy, but you pay it no mind. He hasn't heard the rest of the song yet.

"Mama,"

Barbara picks up on her playing, wringing the lyre out for all its worth for those deep chords and piano-like sounds.

"Just killed a man,"

You summoned the small drum you bought from a merchant in Inazuma in preparation.

"Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead,"

You close your eyes, swaying to the tune of the song.

"Mama, life had just begun,"

You didn't need to open your eyes to know that he's really listening now.

"But now I've gone and thrown it all away!"

You quickly tap on the drum, trying in vain to mimic the band's performance.

"Mama!, oooh,"

Zhongli was sat at the entrance with his legs crossed and humming along.

"Didn't mean to make you cry,"

Wanderer was still. You could almost hear the turning of the cogs in his mind.

"If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,"

The steady beat of the drum was a stark contrast to the deep, heavy feeling inside his chest.

"Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters."

His Vision pulsed, as his hand unconsciously came to caress it. Was this what it was like to have a heart?

Barbara's fingers were gentle on the strings as a set of footsteps approached the entrance of the cave. You could hear Little Lettuce's pitter-pattering and the dulcet tones of Zhongli and Diluc's voices as they catch up in the short time they've been separated.

"Too late, my time has come,"

He had closed his eyes, listening intently to the music as the waves of sound rocked him gently and deeply into his sea of memories.

"Sends shivers down my spine,"

He can see it now, those old fleeting moments of happiness before they were all ultimately destroyed.

"Body's aching all the time."

He could feel it, suddenly hyper aware of his joints and limbs. The feeling of phantom strings and hands pulling and pushing him like he was some puppet. (But it wasn't like he was ever anything else.)

"Goodbye, everybody. I've got to go,"

He could hear it, everyone's cries and wails of despair filling his ears as he sailed towards Inazuma City to beg the Shogunate (his mother) for mercy that they would not grant.

"Gotta leave you all behind to face the truth."

He could also hear the Doctor's cackling laughter as he began to weave his web of lies, webs that would replace the strings that she had put on him. That he had cut away.

"Mama!, oooh,"

He could see it, the light shining through the patches in the walls and the roof of that old hut. The kind and innocent smile on that sickly, young face.

"I don't wanna die,"

He could see it, red, red, red lapping up and eating away at the walls and roof of the house. Red, red, red all around them. As if he was asleep in a meadow of flowers. (or sinking into a pool of blood)

"I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.!"

You all gave him his moment, deep in his sea of memories. Diluc was wordlessly playing the zither, an imperfect substitute for an electric guitar. He'd noiselessly joined into your impromptu concert after he was caught up on the situation by Zhongli who had promptly disguised the mouth of the cavern as some kind of rock formation.

As he played, you thought back to the Wanderer's words. To the moment you first heard him say that-- his character teaser. Your heart had clenched back then, tears pricking the corners of your eyes but you couldn't help chuckling at his words-- that ever iconic song playing in your head. But you know that there was nothing to chuckle about here, Wanderer holding the brim of his hat in an almost vice-like grip. His jaw is clenched.

You all silently agreed to let the solo drag on at least a little bit longer. He takes a sharp breath. (You all know its his way of saying his thanks.)

Barbara begins plucking the lyre in a jaunty little tune, and you couldn't help but crack a grin. The atmosphere's heavy, but it's beginning to lift anyway.

"I see a little silhouetto of a man,"

The Wanderer scoffs, already knowing the next few lines by heart thanks to you. You all readily ignore the wetness in his sound.

"Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the fandango?!"

You were surprised at everyone joining in. Wanderer especially, being caught so off-guard that he jumped in his seat. "For the nth time, no I won't!" Barbara giggles as you push onwards, a manic grin on your face.

"Thunderbolt and lightning!"

Diluc only smiles at the mildly disgruntled Wanderer, his Divine Overseer and Mondstadt's Deaconess having stood up to sing their hearts out. "I'm pretty sure that's not gonna be the last time you say that to them."

"Very, very frightening, me!"

The singing duo once again became lost in the music of the song, belting their hearts and lungs out for their one audience member. Said audience member could only crack a smile and reply, "I had a feeling."

"Galileo, Galileo,"

You had all but screeched out said scientist's name as you pointed to Zhongli. When faced with the Wanderer's incredulous look, he could only gain a fond look in his eyes, shrug and say, "You get used to it over time."

"Galileo, Galileo,"

"Wait, you're all used to this?!" Barbara's sheepish as she answers. "They sing as a coping mechanism. We kind of picked it up over time as well." Diluc shrugs again. "It's better than alcoholism."

"Galileo, Figaro! - Magnifico, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,"

Wanderer cringes-- despite this, a smile is growing on his face. "You don't have to vocalize the echoes, you imbecile!" You merely put a hand to your forehead, aiming to up the drama with your next lyrics.

"I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me,"

He feels the tug of old memories, of old traumas still clinging to his skin. But he pays them no mind, knowing he must march onwards to the future. A future paved by a ragtag group of wanted divine beings and important people that are beginning to worm his way into his chest.

"He's just a poor boy from a poor family,"

Oh no. He's feeling it again.

"Spare him his life from this monstrosity!"

He cannot help but watch you all sing.

Barbara's fingers fly on the strings.

"Easy come,"

He felt what he felt back then, before she had forsaken him.

"Easy go,"

He felt what he felt back then, before he was fooled into thinking he had left him-- left them.

"Will you let me go?"

He felt what he felt back then, before he was torn away from him with no bigger enemy to blame but his own mortality.

"Bismillah! No!"

It was affection. It was care.

"We will not let you go!

(Let him go!)"

Oh archons, he's starting to care.

"Bismillah! We will not let you go!

(Let him go!)"

For hundreds of years, he's hardened his heart and closed himself off from everyone and everything. Sworn to scrub himself clean of human emotions.

"Bismillah! We will not let you go!

(Let me go!)"

And yet, for those same hundreds of years, he had never fully closed himself off-- never fully scrubbed away the feeling of... feeling.

"Will not let you go! (Let me go!)"

He couldn't help but glance at those two, fingers flying across the strings of their instruments. Humans, can they really be trusted?

"Will not let you go! (Let me go!)

His eyes slowly drifted to the other two, one ancient and the other practically a newborn. Can the gods really make him feel anything other than loathing?

"Never let you go!

(Never, never, never let me go!)"

He takes in their entire performance, all of them being their pure, complete, and unadulterated selves. With no masks to keep on, or roles to maintain. Merely singing, and dancing, and playing these instruments just for the heck of it.

"Oh, oh, oh!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!"

For centuries, he has roamed this world-- seeing and meeting many new people, and yet never regarding any of them as his companions.

"Oh, mama mia, mama mia!"

Would he be able to regard these people as such?

"Mama mia, let me go!"

Would he be able to trust them, like the did with the others? To stay and not break their promises with him?

"Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,"

Would he be able to hold on to them, and they not let go as they had been claiming over and over?

"For me!"

Well, he has no choice in the matter. He's stuck with them now, as wanted fugitives.

"For me!"

Only time will tell if they forsake him like those before him. At least he's safe in the comfort that the world had forsaken them as well. Just like him. He hopes that strange sort of kinship makes you understand. He hopes it makes you stay.

You whooped with joy as Barbara absolutely nailed that note, Diluc quickly shredding on the zither afterwards. You would've given it to Zhongli but-- the man hasn't played a guitar before. And you need a certain "je ne sais quoi" to really pull off what Queen was doing. ...Also, you needed the sound of a guitar for the song.

You glance back to the Wanderer, mostly silently listening this whole time. He was lightly bopping his hand to the beat. You smile, taking whatever victories you can get. "Beelzebub? Really?" You blow a raspberry at him, preparing for the next part of the song. "I'll tell you about it later!" You clear your throat.

"So, you think you can stone me and spit in my eye!"

Diluc hits that sick riff.

"So, you think you can love me and leave me to die?!"

Barbara, even if she's practically undetectable underneath Diluc's strumming and your-- excuse me, Zhongli's drum beating, is still managing to bring up and compliment every single one of you performing.

"Oh, baby!"

You swear, if you all weren't wanted fugitives forced to live on the LAM because of a crime you didn't commit, you'd be a killer band.

"Can't do this to me baby!"

You do gotta thank Zhongli for subtly swiping away the drums from you-- you frankly weren't quite sure how you'd be able to focus on giving this song the power ballad it deservers while also playing an instrument.

"Just gotta get out,"

Despite all your peeking on Wanderer for his opinions on the song and to check on his emotional state, you weren't exactly omniscient. You were, afterall, still performing and still getting lost in the music.

"Just gotta get right outta here!"

So you didn't notice the twinge of an... almost fond emotion lacing his face as he watches you rock out to this classic. What can you say, Diluc kills it on the zither.

The sound builds and builds, Barbara layering on top of it and you not being able to resist the urge to air guitar to it as it slowly reaches its crescendo... And crashes back down, Zhongli and Diluc humming along to the sound.

"Ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah,"

You gasp for breath, the end of the song finally coming up. Diluc's energetic playing slows down, signaling the finale.

"Nothing really matters,"

You feel sweat dripping down your skin, having danced and moved around-- possessed by the power of the song.

"Anyone can see,"

You lean your back against the cave wall, relishing in its coolness as you bring the song to a close.

"Nothing really matters... Nothing really matters, to me..."

You sigh as you sink, pleased and satisfied at everyone's performance.

"Any way the wind blows..."

Zhongli finishes it off with the rapping of the drum, mimicking a cymbal crash to his best ability. Barbara beams at the Wanderer, who looks like he's regretting singing along to that last part.

"So," you ask, out of breath. "what'cha think about the song?"

Wanderer waves off Barbara's tired but happy smile, poofing the fourth bowl back into existence and busying his hands. He prepares Diluc's Shimi Chazuke as he hums.

"Well, despite it being a complete emotional roller coaster and the utter gibberish that it contains, I suppose that its worthy being called 'my song', as you will."

"I'll fucking take it! Fives all around guys, good job!" You quickly double high five everyone in the group-- Zhongli letting you slam your hands down on his, Barbara being a quick pair of one-two taps, and Diluc just lightly bumping his full hands into yours. You turn to Wanderer, waiting for him to high five you. "You too, hat boy-- you joined in the song, you get some fives."

At least Diluc had the decency to look away when he huffed in amusement. "Hat boy?! Let me tell you, I've gone through many names and titles during my journey. And each one is more eminent than any ordinary mortal could ever imagine!"

As he said these words, his heart slowly sank to his feet as he saw the stupid, cheeky smile growing on your face. "Yes, yes... But! and I quote, 'they're all just water under the bridge to me now.

Call me whatever you like. Go ahead, let me see what you can come up with.'" The Wanderer's eye twitched.

"And that's the best you can come up with?! If you know me so well, oh, great Overseer, then you would very much know that I'm also telling you to not disappoint me! Tell me, All-Knowing Guide, am I not disappointed?!" You snorted, too tired from the day's events to feel any sort of proper fear and trepidation at this situation. "Then, I'll just keep thinking of names until something sticks, mushroom head." You pat his head. "Now, how in the world did you even get here Lulu?"

He sips from his bowl full of rice and tea. "Doro44 Sumeru Chasm sneakpeek. Would've gotten here faster if the place wasn't absolutely surrounded by treasure hoarders and Fatui. Had a bit of trouble finding it as well, since it was behind some rock walls." He grabs a small twig from the ground and starts drawing. "Its a sort of cave that's absolutely overgrown by giant roots." "You dare to ignore me?!"

You flash that same cheeky grin at him again. "We didn't ignore you, we just changed the subject!"

Nope, he takes it all back. He hates all of you.

---

AND THATS A FUCKING WRAP AUGHHHHHHHHH-- broooooo, you would not BELIEVE how hard this was to write. both because Bohemian Rhapsody is SUCH a long song but also because of SOOOO many outside circumstances. like BRUH i was supposed to release this like a day after my castaways fic but NOOOOOOOO-- life got so in the way man. my parents started breathing down my neck for chores, we had to visit my relatives in the province (still in the province btw lol), i got FUCKING SICK BECAUSE OF STRESS AND DUST ALLERGIES and i literally spent like-- my first few days sick making my sickness FUCKING WORSE since our house was literally covered in dust and i was the only one who could clean it fucking apparently. bro, i even spent this goddamn christmas fucking sick. ugh this has been such a hell week. literally the only comfort i found this week was all genshin related AHAHA-- i was playing genshin, visiting the SAGAU tag a lot, waiting for fanfics to update, just generally genshin brainrotting.

ugh thank god i finally released this one. i do have a lot of ideas for this down the road and hell dawg! i even got a request! thats the one thatll be coming up next. i wrote like-- a massive part of this sick and it got sOOOOO out of hand ever since i didnt get to finish it that day so i hope it sticks together well and is mostly coherent. enjoy!! :))

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ranposgirlboss · 2 years ago

Text

~HCS FROM MY BOOK!!-PART ONE~

THIS IS MULTIFANDOM!! also most of these are either slander or made for being a silly joke <333 so please don't take this seriously

fandoms: genshin impact, bungou stray dogs, and honkai impact

genre: fluff, slander, and sillies (it progressively gets less and less serious)

enjoy my shitty hcs from like a year ago <333 (they are actually older lol) ALSO ARE EXTREMELY SHORT SINCE IM LITERALLY JUST TAKING WHAT I WROTE WITHOUT CHANGING IT AND PUTTING IT OVER ON HERE LMAOASBHJAS (there's only so much space on paper </3)

chara list!!: albedo, kazuha, xiao, diluc, heizou, fu hua (sentience), scaramouche, aponia, dazai, ranpo, poe, ANDDD nikolai!!

FIRST TIME HOLDING HANDS!!

ALBEDO

-"its all for an experiment" he says

-lil bitch ok sure

-probably gonna study what this feeling is when he holds your hand and "why he feels so warm on the inside"

-acts like he doesnt care that much but bros probably gonna draw yall holding hands like a 13 year old drawing in her diary 💀

KAZUHA

-i love him but

-probably would make a poem about how your hand feels 😭

-he would be so cute tho ngl

-i mean just as always but also like

-please hold his hand he just loves you so much and along with words of affirmation physical contact seems to be his thing

-UGH MARRY ME

XIAO

-"wow y/n when you hold my hand the voices cease their calls for me to go to taco bell, thank you y/n."

-TAKE ME HIGHH AND ILL SINGGGG YOU MAKE EVERYTHING OKAY OHKAY OHKAY OHKAY (if you know that song here's your free kiss <33)

-and then you get married the end

-W H Y D I D I W R I T E T H I S B Y E -

DILUC

-could give less of a shit

-but for the sake of being a gentleman he says thank you and then continues bat manning sillily.

HEIZOU

-"y/n holding hands is cool but i think we should start an investigation of how fast we could make it to my place ;)"

-KILL YOURSELF. (please dont lead the way my silly detective <33)

-this gif makes me want to impulsively eat vanilla cake.

FU HUA

-YAAAATTAAAAA

-*holds hand* look at the beautiful sight ahead of us Y/N! no i did not make that fire-"

-fu hua arsonist era

APONIA

-MOMMY bjnEBHEKHBWJSK

-"y/n holding hands is great but why don't we open our arms and eyes to god"

DAZAI

-I APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY BSD READERS WHO HAVE TO SCROLL THIS FAR JUST TO GET THIS SILLy

-"i can always hold more then your hand~"

-a flirty bitch, but yall got chuuya knocking on your door asking you to "control your dog"

-ironic how chuuya is the one who says that

RANPO

-UGH I LOVE MY SKRUNKLE DOODLE PUSH POP SILLY SKRUNKLY CRUNKLY MUMPLY SILLY (yes i wrote that WORD. FOR. WORD.)

-will hold your hand for payments

-affection?? candy??? candys nuts fit in your mouth because they sure are about to <33 (i want to erase what i write sometimes)

-gets so happy omg

-not only does he have candy, you, but NOW he gets to hold your hand too>!1/!?!?

-wow he might as well steal from a candy store at this point

-might as well

-he swears it was an accident

POE

-poe held your hand with such sweetness, care, tenderness, love, and affection

-karl pulls up in his Mazarati, ready to throw hands once and for all, how DARE someone get more attention then karl

-poe has some explaining to do

-(i wonder how high i was when i wrote these)

-(i think i was 5'5)

NIKOLAI ( I FUCKING LOVE THIS ONE)

-so you go to hold his hand in y/n fashion

-suddenly you almost get hit by a bus

-"shit my bad wrong item"

-you stare in utter confusion at the bus as it suddenly vanishes like a fucking mob from minecraft or some shit

-nikolai god arc confirmed real

-so anyways you suddenly feel warmth on your hand on you see another fucking hand gripping yours but its literally just the hand detached from the body

-you are extremely scared and concerned why there's another hand gripping yours out of nowhere but with nikolai anything is possible so you just accept it and hold his hand back

-he giggles and nikolais away with the hand still holding yours

-(I ASKED HOW HIGH I WAS WHEN I WROTE THE LAST ONE BUT WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE.)

----------------------------------

the voices

ALOS THNAK YOU FOR READING THIS PIECE OF SHIT IM SORRY. SHE WAS ME FROM A YEAR AGO I DONT KNOW HER 😭

alos my reqs are always open

I ALSO APOLOGIZE FOR THE TAGS

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bluewinnerangel · 2 years ago

Note

Here i found a good analysis of Angels Fly and how its a response to Harry's Falling.

Harry: "There's no one to blame but the drink in my wandering hands"

Louis: "There were problems in this empty bottle at the bottom but we drained all that"

Harry: "What am I now? What am I now?" - crying out

Louis: "You'll be okay, we can talk tomorrow" - it'll be ok

Harry: "And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say"

Louis: "You'll be ok, we can talk tomorrow, I'm on my way with some time to borrow"

Harry: "And I get the feeling that you'll never need me again"

Louis: "I'll knock on your door, it'll save me from callin'" - ill always need you

Falling - Harry panicing that he is loosing control. Song is laced with a feeling of panic.

Angels Fly - You will be okay. We will be okay. I am here if you need me.

Harry : Im falling

Louis : No babe, youre an angel and youre flying, not falling!

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Credit

Okay I thought I'd try to find parallels myself... I think they're both generic enough that this can work coincidentally but yeah let's entertain it, I guess as Angels Fly as a response to Falling

I'd like to apologize for this use of colors laksjdlksj anyway. Things that stand out to me

Both songs have this duality of not wanting to talk about it and very much wanting to talk about it. Basically we can't talk about it right now but this isn't over there is more to say, just right now I feel like there isn't. Falling is someone stuck in a downwards spiral and Angels Fly could be read as someone trying to be there for someone who is.

The repeating of "I'm falling I'm falling I'm falling" vs "angels fly, high, you'll see angels fly, high" uuf

I highlighted the "and I get the feeling that you'll never need me again" vs "put the pain behind you now you don't need it anymore" because I thought it was a good contrast of someone lost in their thoughts vs someone with some more clarity of what is needed

I also think this one verse in Face The Music fits in this with "Close your eyes and count to ten / If you’re standing on the edge of falling / Open up and looking down / Everything that matters is forgotten" like lines 1/3/4 parallel Angels Fly and then the 2nd drops a falling. It fits with Saved By A Stranger too.

I. fucking. love. "but we drained all that" in Angels Fly. It might be my favorite thing of the whole song. So he's like "there were problems in this empty bottle, at the bottom, but we drained all that", so here he's using "problems in this empty bottle" which makes you think there was substance abuse, whether it was alcohol or pills, then "at the bottom" works in multiple ways already, like you're down-and-out as falling describes but also literally the bottle's empty and you're seeing the bottom, but then "but we drained all that", gives you the visual of throwing the contents of the bottle away, flushing it down the toilet, draining it down the sink, but in the context of the rest of the verse it's "but we've already gone over that and we're past it and about specifically that there's nothing to say anymore", and drained when someone is just completely depleted, exhausted, not much left, but now for my lil larriebrain specifically in relation to falling I'm seeing Harry's affinity to water, I'm seeing nautical watery splashsplashness I'm seeing the Falling music video where the entire concept is him drowning in a room that is being filled with water, that then will need to be drained lol. There's this reoccurring imagery in both their discographies where they're talking about a glass or a swimming pool being in various stages of filled and it's just giving this extra layer for me of draining being both positive and negative here. The glass is empty, they're at the bottom, and it's drained. There's no water. But then it's spun to positive that they drained the problems? yeah something like that.

But as always keep in mind this is just one interpretation of the song, we're just entertaining the thought of one being a response to the other. Or maybe that's not described right, rather that they both have written a song sparked from the same situation.

#the PSA bc sorry but the fking source going pRoOf i almost didnt post just bc of that aslkdjlk

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dreamlanddeluxe · 13 days ago

Note

pro-tip from someone who has had stretches pf insomnia like this since high school: (bc your posts makes it sound like a new development and like youre scared, so i want to help. sorry this unsolicited)

but literally?? fake it

fake sleeping. youre going to lie down, close your eyes, shift when youre uncomfortable, but keep your eyes closed and stay laying down. try to keep your mind as blank as possible, thats really hard for me specifically, so i legit will listen to videos or podcasts or music or ocean-waves as i fake-sleep (bonus, i found something that works for me 60, 70% of the time are those ASMR roleplay videos where it'll be like "your boyfriend/girlfriend talks to you while you sleep" or "you get confessed to while youre asleep" or literally anything where i have to "roleplay" being asleep?? weirdly? flips a switch and ill be KOed before the video ends. what the fuck. but thats niche as hell, idk if itll work for you, but it is an "experiment! you never know" encouragement)

and youre going to want to fake-sleep as best as you can, even if youre actually awake the whole 8+ hours, because it legit tricks your brain into thinking youre asleep enough that it gives you those chemicals you need from sleeping that help regenerate your energy and whatnot. like scientists found this works really well, insomniacs who did this instead of their phone or tasks or reading, even if they rarely fell asleep while fake-sleeping, not only recorded feeling a lot better than the control group who was not given this order to sleep like this, but also had more balanced chemical stuff. i like to akin ir to a cell-phone charge. youre not going to get the 100% you would from actually sleeping, but going from a 20% to a 65% is still p huge and very helpful. before i was told this tip, i literally would meditate to recoup; and shockingly meditation releases those same chemicals so like. i was already doing it. just. sitting up instead of laying down lol

also, please do talk to a doctor about getting a sleep study done or something if you have the insurance to afford it. but this is a tip you can do in the meantime in addition to other experimentations thatll help you out. youll still feel exhausted (esp if you cant quiet your brain. my AuDHD mind shuts the fuck when other people speak, so the audio-roleplay and podcast and video-essay people have been god-sends), you won't be that 100% refresh as i already said, but it also wont be AS compounded of an exhaustion which is so helpful when your metaphorical battery is just going down and down and down— to have SOMETHING charge it even a bit or just stall it. i dont want you to think this is a "youll feel back to normal!" cure-all; it truly is the epitome of a "well, thatll help it not get WORSE at any rate, and maybe a bit better" type of rhetoric

for now, i would recommend doing a fake-nap, pick x-amount of hours that feels most comfortable to you (my pick is usually 3 or 4, but my lil sister found she prefers 2 hour long fake-naps and my other lil sister just goes "fuck it, no fake-nap, only fake-sleep; im doing 8+ hours" lmao), see if it at least takes the edge off

i have said a lot of "temper your expectations" type of stuff but i will also say this: at one point, this tip literally saved my life. because i spent 2.5 months running on a total of 4 to 6 hours of legit-sleep per week or per week-and-a-half throughout. and that kinda shit, i belatedly found out, should mean i should be dead. but i was fake-sleeping at least 5 hours a night. and my family's doctor went "uhhhhh thank god i showed your mom that study i guess, omfg". so like. i swear it helps. just. ALSO temper your expectations on how much it helps lol

if this is unsolicited and feels unwarranted, i apologize. im not good at reading tone in text, and just wanted to help. i hope this does help you out, you got this, i believe in you!!

Hey no worries, I appreciate you taking the time to type all this out. Recently (like, within the past one to two years or so) I’ve been more prone to bouts of restlessness and the fake sleeping is actually something I practice and it does help me most of the time. I think right now it’s more of a stress induced sort of thing more than anything that’s led to me having more trouble. Might just be one of those things I gotta wait out to be honest. When I do have a moment where I can’t sleep right it doesn’t last more than a few days normally so I don’t imagine this being different I hope. Maybe seeing a doctor would help but I’ll be honest there’s a probably a few things I should be seeing a doctor about and I just don’t have the money for that lol. But still like I said I appreciate you taking the time to try and help me out and offer some advice that’s very kind of you 🫶

#speaking of which I just finished a fake nap lol. I can still feel the sleepiness in my head but less so

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top10statuesthatcriedblood · 8 months ago

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putting all my concert thoughts in a poast before i forget. here we go mucho texto warning. also setlist talk is gonna be out of order probably

the drive to the venue took longer than anticipated, traffic was so backed because dfw is just Like That. dont come here. and ft worth especially oh my GODDDD but we made it in time for the maine. i missed the first opener again its fine

ive only listened to the maine casually over the years and i like them but THEY WERE SUPER FUN LIVE????? the energy was so high for such a short set and they honestly sound better live than album recordings. i may have to stan

also Bassist Hot whats his number

theyre all kinda hot really. from my distance at least. sorry

robby energy

the sound at dickies arena in general is just soooo much fucking better than an outdoor stadium the guitars and drums were up to 11, ppl werent wrong abt the sound quality in this venue. sux its in ft worth though ONE MASSIVE DOWNSIDE kfmjsdkglafk

amazing sound at the cost of my hearing because. i forgot to buy ear plugs again it hurt just a lil bit. especially the pyro. at least its only been 2 times so far I WILL LEARN MY LESSON NEXT TIME LOL

i accidently sat in the wrong section but the my actual tickets i bought were closer so WE TAKE THOSE!!! not close enough to see skin pores but still very much enough

jimmy sounded great!! didnt know most of the songs despite doing a bit of listening but i got bleed american and the middle at the end which both ruled so. worth it

kinda wanted the maine back but ITS OKAY NO SHADE

patrick message on the projector. which is funny for anyone at home but FOR ME THERE I WAS LIKE [DREAD] [DREAD] [DREAD] FUCK DFW WEATHER

imagining patrick doing vocal warmups in the car by himself did lighten my mood just a tad. i had no proof but a feeling he did that

and then the pete images. only got a glimpse thru shitty venue connection but that made me laugh

and my battery was already low so the waiting and stalling was painful 😭

i was directly diagonal from the guy in the east wing lower bowl that started a monkey-see-monkey-do light show thru the whole stadium while waiting for fob and i just love the goodness of people at concerts its everything to me PEOPLE ARE GOOD

the woman next to him also danced like a beautiful drunk swan the entire show and idk if i wanted to be her or be her friend

also if u saw plain ol me clear glasses brunette hair tourdust shirt and bracelets HI YES WAS I

i didnt feel like going around to trade bracelets again as nervous anticipation set in but i DID pick out an american psycho bracelet from a person who came up to me so i completely unknowingly manifested there holy fuck. im cherishing it forever thank u to that person

WRECKING BALL. LMAO

also i sang along to Thats What You Get by Paramore playing in overspeakers because thats my fucking band but I HEARD MORE PPL IN THE CROWD SING ALONG TO OLD PANIC WHICH PERSONALLY OFFENDED ME JUST SAYIN

wdstf singalong was everything. again the energy at concerts <3333 my people

LIKE 30-40 MIN LATER FOB IS ON FINALLY. i did not cry this time to lftos i was just glad they were there the worry Dissolved

joe and andy were so visible from my seats i stared at them both nearly the entire show. patrick brain out the window they are SO MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE IN PERSON IM TELLIN YALL 4K HIGH DEFINITION THRU MY EYEBALLS GOT MY BRAIN IN A. TORNADO!

photos and videos were not fantastic my phone is nawt the latest model so nothing worth posting here sadly. but for myself? everythang

IM KICKING MYSELF because i so clearly had andy in view for HIS DRUMSTICK THING DURING SUGAR but MY FINGER DIDNT PRESS RECORD BUTTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKETH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please. please if ur close to andy, video that for me i need it for no reason other than its my favorite lil thing that nobody at tourdust shows. thank u so mch

NO CHICAGO FOR ME THIS TIME getting doa twice is kinda crazy ngl

patrick apology (no tears) for grand theft autumn was funny

andy and pete had cute smiley interactions around disloyal order during the set. or before that idk. i know a bubble hit andy's drum kit (or he swatted it away himself?) and they were smiling at that 😭😭😭 theyre litrly besties do u understand.........

of course p squared still did their signature scissoring techniques thank u for that old men

NO HEAVEN IOWA. THEY SKIPPED HEAVEN IOWAA FOR DOLDRUMS. i still went hard of course but CONSIDERING HOW GR8 THE SOUND WAS I WAS ONLY SLIGHTLY BUMMED

you dont even wanna know how estatic i was for hum hallelujah. i had to get myself proof of it for it to be real. tahnk u. ill never recover ever. peace and love in my brain

i dont rememebr certain songs where joe had this very specific swagger but he so very much did i saw him. with my own eyes. (in the voice of the luke skywalker tweet) dont worry joe i'll appreciate ur cuntiness

headfirst slide. in this venue.

oh my god bro

both p squared riffs <3 especially the one near the end where pete saw someone watching shit on their phone nd said it was basketball JEYDEUGHEKDLK patrick chiming in w something about dont make fun of his step-dad. gold.

saying smfs reminded him of texas #TEXANPRIDE #COWBOYS

PATRICK DURING RIFF SAYNG HIS GLASSES ARENT CURRENT PRESCRIPTION. THE REVEAL THAT HE STILL CANT SEE. WE LOST

medley was like. a relief to me because i expected it it was like a cool towel in the midst for what was about to come. cant blame the guy for getting literally zero practice beforehand fmdsjfdslg

the 8 ball.

i cried BIG PHAT BABY TEARS

i love them more than words can say. i didnt know i needed it but i did

im still emotional thinking abt it

saturday aftercare cured all (even though i was WOOPED from going so hard EVERY SONG. couldnt scream anymore my voice is still shot. i refuse to NOT go as hard as i do)

i think that is all the notable stuff i remember i wish i couldve written down stuff on the ride home BUT i will add more if i think of it. overall its hard to say which show i liked better they both meant the absolute world to me!!! FALL OUT BOY FOREVER

#i didnt mean to write an entire essay but. ya #line break is when fawb starts #skulltxt #my show #it can go there i guess

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wooahaes · 2 years ago

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dino soulmate au !! i don't have a specific trope in mind, but im curious to see which one you think fits him best :D

hii <3 hmm... technically dino was where i left off on my soulmate series (which is currently paused until i finish either sweet night (more likely) or under the sun (unlikely lol), then i'll try to finish out those fics before i start a new series), so i'll avoid what i've got planned for him there

(death tw, will tag the post w this as well)

ill play around w a lil bit of angst. reader has lost the soulmate that they were dating ever since they met in high school bc (insert cause of death here). not even minutes after he's dead, the name lee chan writes itself across the back of their hand. out of resentment for the universe immediately pairing you up right after you lose the love of your life, you resolve to keep the stupid name covered as much as you can and never meet this lee chan the universe is replacing your soulmate with.

elsewhere, chan realizes that there's a name written up his forearm that he didn't have before. a certain percentage of ppl are born w/o soulmates, and chan always thought he was one of them until now. he probably excitedly shows it off to his friends (only abt half of which have soulmates imo bc i like having a mixed bag there), and they promise to let him know if they happen to run into someone w his own name on them.

enter jeonghan, currently going through practicum to become a licensed therapist. enter, you on a summer day without a bandage on the back of your hand and his friend's name contrasting your skin in neat lettering. also enter the fact that jeonghan can't say/do anything about giving out your information because of violations, so he's stuck trying to figure out how he can lead you or chan to one another.

ultimately, he figures out a way: you mumble one day a week or two later that your favorite coffee shop is closed for renovations because you'd always treat yourself with something sweet from there, jeonghan asks if he can make a suggestion, and he pushes you toward one of chan's favorite places before immediately getting both seungkwan and vernon on the task of getting chan there. you end up sitting in the corner to kinda just people watch and chill post-therapy session and wait on your drink. your name gets called out, and you notice the way another guy's head snaps up immediately. you retreat to your corner with your drink, only to hear the name lee chan read out soon enough and you aren't taking any chances. you get up to leave, and immediately the guy tails you out and asks for you to stop before rolling his jacket sleeve back to reveal where your name is boldly written along his arm.

you tell him you aren't interested. he's immediately heartbroken by that kind of talk, but asks for your number anyway because he'd at least like to be your friend if nothing else. you give it to him after making it clear you aren't looking for a new lover, and then leave.

and idk insert more stuff abt you and chan getting closer until you finally open up and mention tht ur in grief counseling bc of ur soulmate dying and that you'd always hated chan (as a concept--you like him now as a person) because it wasn't even five minutes before his name appeared on you. he apologizes, you tell him not to bc its not his fault, and the two of you agree to take ur friendship slow.

insert chan feeling guilty as he falls for you. insert u feeling guiltier because you fell harder after that and you try to push him away again. fic culminates in you admitting to him or to a friend that you're terrified of losing another soulmate. maybe its w a family member of deceased soulmate who reassures you that he would want you to be happy before asking if it had been you, wouldn't you want him to move on one day? it ends w you crying on them and apologizing because you feel like ur betraying ur first soulmate, but accepting that its okay to move on.

its just a lot of talk abt grief and whatnot lol with a side of chan helping you heal because he wants to be there for you, romantic feelings or not. you confess to him that you've fallen for him and ask to take things slow now and the fic ends off with the two of you going to get coffee together or something

#wooahaes.ask #wooahaes.askgame #sweetteawithpeach #death tw #sorry this one is longer lol im admittedly a sucker for a soulmate au

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socialscreamsauce · 1 year ago

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last night at my parents party i got very high with my sisters pen and then from 430 to 9 at night i was stressfully cleaning up the party.. dishes mostly as a coping mechanism and i was verbally addressing it hahah IM DOING THIS BECAUSE IM UNCOMFORTABLE lol but one interaction was the best ever and completely what i needed. On the way out i apologized to one of my dads friends for not talking more and he softly replied "you're good matt, you've always been good." and idk if it was the drugs or my low self esteem (hmmm both you moron) but that shit hit me like a ton of bricks and continues to keep me a lil motivated today anyway fuck my future where are the dishes!??

#me #party #parents #loser #family friends #work #life #ive been good #hit the bricks

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ftisabellas · 1 year ago

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-- was that isabella mendes i saw by the lighthouse today? i heard that the twenty-four year old who has been in nightrest for 6 years and works as a beautician at royal serene has a reputation of being blunt, but also spirited. they reside in lowpoint & people in town usually associate them with nail filing while scrolling aimlessly through her mobile, the sound of popping gum, sudden mischievous cheshire cat grins. let’s hope the killer doesn’t go after them next. [ g, 26, she / her, aest, none ]

hello all !!! i’m g, she / her , 26 . cursed AEST tz , and tbh . . . coming back to tumblr after like a 3 year break . . . yikes ! i’m v slowly getting myself reacquainted and not trying to overwhelm myself , so pls be patient w me !!!

my discord is bringbacksugargay but im not super active on there atm ( i will be tho ! )

ANYWAYS . HERES MZZZ ISABELLA !!!

inspo for isabella: ruby mathews from sex education, manny santos from degrassi, maddy perez from euphoria, jackie burqhart from that 70s show, lily echolls from veronica mars ,

long story short isabella is a … a diva. she’s loud mouthed, blunt, harsh, stuck-up at times, prissy . with all the bad tho , theres SOME good . when she likes someone , she really likes them and will do anything for them

very very VERY secret softie . the kind that will never hug u or say ‘i love u’ but will egg your exes house .

she’s literally .. your stereotypical rich girl . has everything handed to her on a platter for the most part, and grew up with a pretty easy life ! she’s always been a bit spoiled , to say the least, and it shows.

isabella had a great life growing up. her dad was a rich , well known musician, and isabella was pretty and rich and popular in high school. it was like . everything she wanted kinda just Appeared for her. she basically never heard the word ‘no’ in her life

life hit her hard after high school , when she moved to nightrest for uni.

i say ‘moved’ , basically her family got sick of her, her wild child antics and bitchy behaviour, and kinda just... sent her here lol.

when i say ‘sent her here’ , i mean they plopped her here, agreed to pay for her rent and uni , but then said “you’re on your own kid!”

NO MORE BLACK AMEX FOR ISABELLA ????

basically .. REAL LIFE ??? CAUGHT UP TO HER ??? HER ACTIONS ?? SUDDENLY HAD CONSEQUENCES ?? she realised she couldn’t just be a bitch to Be A Bitch or somebody might Smack Her. she realised that suddenly .. she was in charge of her future, and it scared the shit out of her

basically, she Peaked in high school and has been Suffering since then. university really . crashed her back to Earth, and knocked her on her ass !

isabella is fiery , but FUN i promise.

anyways, she’s still a bit mean and manipulative to people , but shes on her road to Recovery ( bitchy girls anonymous , every friday we ride ! ) . her High School self definitely jumps out at times, but she is really trying to be a better person. it’s just a Very Very Slow process for her.

she’s very outgoing and loud and blabbermouthy. i wouldn’t trust her with a single secret. even if she doesnt MEAN to spill it . . it just tumbles out of her mouth anyways.

she loves partying though. she drinks a lot, and is good to have a lil girls night boogie with !!!

she’s not All Bad. she will Redeem herself one day just. right now she kinda Sucks a little. APOLOGIES! she’s got growing to do !

anyways , she finished school as a beauty nurse and now works as a beautician at royal serene .

her customer service is uhh . . . lacking, to say the least.

shes EXTREMELY fashionable , though and extremely good at her job.

she ignores most things and if she was in a super cliche horror movie , shed be that dumbass that gets killed basically straight away .

IM DOWN FOR ANYTHING . the messier the better ! if u see isabella fitting in anywhere or want any pre-made connections, lets gooooo !!! if u need an evil , meanie whos ruined ur life : its isabella ! toxic exes? lets go ! i can provide it all !

ill familiarise myself w bios and such soon !!! IM V EXCITED !!! FEEL FREE TO PING ME ON DISCORD I WILL BE SO HAPPY WHILE I GATHER MY BEARINGS !

#intro #nightrest:intro

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curiouskurona · 2 years ago

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( for context , this was originally a comment on this post but i tend to be long winded / i could tell it was gonna get long so i decided to just maek my own post bsdjhgfkjdhgja . also abuse discussion tw for tha following + tha post i linked to , as well as spoilers for Princess Tutu )

ive made my peace with rue and fakir-- well , not 100% completely absolutely , but ive come a long long way from where i was when i first watched tha show , where i hated fakir SO much , and i had more sympathy for rue but wasn't fond of her either . in fact , where before i was adamant that i hated fakir , i can say i actually liek him now . didnt think i would ever get to this point lol . and i liek rue as well , though her turn around came easier for me

i feel like i would have warmed up to them a lot faster if liek . they got ANY consequences for their actions . im not talking about either of them being sad / having other troubles , im not talking about cosmic punishment / karma , i mean direct consequences for the way that they treated mytho . ive heard people argue that " well mytho doesnt have feelings so it doesnt matter how they treated him " , but that argument falls flat fast when you point to tha fact that they both KNEW mytho was getting his feelings back , and they did absolutely nothing to change their behavior . hell , they might have even treated him worse , because of the stress of tha situation or whatever . fakir pushed mytho's face against the mirror and said " look at this repulsive face thats regained the feeling of loneliness " . rue backed away unsettled when she saw mytho smile . there is no argument of " well he didn't feel anything " or " well they didn't realize " . they knew what they were doing

and they kind of just ... get away with it . they dont really have to acknowledge the way that they treated him past an almost throwaway line from fakir in the end where hes liek " damn i was kinda mean huh "

i would probably be moar forgiving about it if they got ANY sort of consequences ( narratively or through fandom perception ) for their actions , but most ppl dont really care enough about mytho for that . and seeing his situation be largely ignored made me defensive and bitter towards them [ fakir and rue ] . as a trauma survivor myself ( who heavily relates to mytho ) it was a really high hurdle for me to look at them , fakir especially , in a positive light , regardless of whether or not i could recognize their own traumas / understand why they did som of tha things they did .

and yeah ppl change n whatever . wounds can heal , relationships can be mended . but fakir never even tried to mend theirs . mytho never got any closure or an apology or anything and it just sucks so much . i mean yeah he got to tell fakir off as r!mytho during that one battle . but most of him being all * evil laughter * at fakir wasnt even him , you can see he doesnt even consider himself that person when hes staggering back to his dorm clutching his heart going “ what are you , who are you , whats goin on ” . mytho got to be a lil scoundrel to fakir as r!mytho but thats not tha saem as any meaningful acknowledgement / apology on fakir’s part

and im just . idk . im hesitant to put this in any tags , i dont think i will . bc i know ppl love fakir . but liek . please . can we at least acknowledge what he did . or are we going to keep pretending that his worst offense is being abrasive / grumpy . im sorry to have to tell you this but fakir’s ( and rue’s * ) behaviour towards mytho is literal actual textbook abuse . they isolate him , control him , berate him , lock him up , get in his face and yell at him , manhandle him , tell him who he can talk to , tell him what he can read , tell him that he has to listen to them and no one else . liek . hello . i know you dont want to hear this about ur fave characters but theyre abusers . its not even subtext its just THE text

the fact that fakir grows softer after meeting ahiru is irrelevant . him treating ahiru better as the series goes on does not mean that he is treating mytho better as the series goes on . him softening up and growing into a better person is not equal to an apology or any kind of closure or comfort for mytho

and dont even get me started on how mytho and rue should not have ended up together . no piece of media is perfect , i do have some things is disliek about PT , and one of them is definitely the ending unfortunately . but thats another post . and its purrobably not even for tha reasons you might think i have

also , this is not to say that i think fakir or rue are evil , or that they dont care / never cared about mytho . i dont think its as black and white as that . fakir and rue arent such one dimensional characters , silhouettes laughing evilly to themselves as they take joy in hurting him . i dont think that the fact that fakir abused mytho means he was never worried about him or didnt care about him . i dont think tha fact that rue abused mytho means that she never cared about him either . its messy . they were all put into a very straining situation . ive talked in other posts acknowledging the strain fakir was under , and ive talked at length with friends about why rue felt the need to act the way she did , too . but that doesnt make what they did okay . and i just wish that mytho got any sort of apology , closure , or comfort . instead of everyone going “ well glad thats over !! lets move on with our lives while pretending we all [ sans ahiru ] didnt just abuse mytho this entire show “

anyways this post isnt very organized and i purrobably didnt maek any sense . i was just rambling i guess . this is something that ive thought about a lot

* if youve noticed im leaning harder into fakir rn , its purrobably bc ppl are moar willing to acknowledge rue’s behaviour . shes loved as an evil gal girlboss or whatevar , even if its often joaky ppl are moare ready to go “ yeah lol rue was so fucked up “ , and have made a lot of serious fanart about the toxicity of her relationship with mytho too . but for tha moast part ppl shy away from putting fakir in any serious negative light . aside from a few posts ive seen ( that were a breath of fresh air honestly ) that talked about his actions , moast ppl portray fakir as someone whos grumpy and abrasive , kind of a jerk , maybe even a “ tsundere “ , but ultimately harmless . so i guess im harder on fakir for that . because im frustrated that ppl only care about shipping him with ahiru , and are more than ready to downplay how horrible he was to mytho so that they can pretend its all sunshine and rainbows with him or something . again it goes back to them receiving no direct consequences for their actions , narratively OR through fandom perception . rue is at least acknowledged as someone that doesnt have a totally great track record , in tha fandom

#diary #i forgot my uploads tag uhhhhh #uploads #pt #spoilers #abuse tw

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always-me-meha · 28 days ago

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Ewwww word vomitted my man.

Think he ignored me on purpose like damn my girl crazy sending paragraphs.

(Paranoid thinking)

No no. First was to say I'm proud of him and sorry I wasnt supportive.

I'm glad he's wanting to go back to school and quit stuff and I'll be here with him along the way.

I start word vomiting memories with him oops...

( when he first told me this, I was an ass ignoring the conversation really and we fought over bullshit and just gah never talked about it all weekend. I just wanted him to know I DID HEAR HIM and I really care. I'm proud he wants to work on himself )

oh and I apologized I never give him a chance to talk, I over talk over him then he gives up.

Makes me sad cause boo I wanna hear what you have to say!!!! But he just like nope forget it.... I'll learn to slow down so I can hear you, that's all I want. Him to be comfortable and open with me. I love listening to him, just sometimes he so quiet and I just idk hahaha get used to talking like the whole time for the both of us. I'm weird.

He said thankyou and I love you to this. Told me sleep cause ya I'm wired.

Then I sent him another appreciation and apology over our fights....

Even though it annoys me I LOVE HE BITES BACK and doesn't tolerate my shit for being a bitch for no reason when he doesn't derseve it and I'm so sorry.

(This why I hate nice guys, they can't handle it! Can't even put me in my place when I need it so I get worse and worse)

Where with caige idk.... like yes it gets mean (him especially when he's pissed off) but I don't wanna get to that point where Im the one saying the cruelst shit I can NEVER TAKE BACK.

Bipolar rage is no joke but fuck I gotta keep that temperature from not boiling. He helps test that water man..... like man...... the one expression I have to old back is the fucking hardest!!!!

He didn't see that message :( or was like boy she on a roll hahaha but agh I just wanted him to know ya. I love him. And stuff. Sorry. I think of you. From your nutty gf.

This relationship I know is...... something I want. First time in over 10 years, all the men I've ever ignored. I chose HIM. Even after of like almost 4 years of making him sleep at the foot of my bed lolol friend zoned.

Idk agh my heart strings when I found out the song he showed me wasn't for me wah that night, the thing that made fell for him. Dammit I sooo stoopid eh. As if...... mofo lucky he got in these pants, he claims I came to him first, no dummy... I went to you after you like..... man...

Idk wanna think of back then.... it was hard. Point being, he's mine now. That month apart, did good. Seeing eachother again made him realize what the fuck he wanted. I was like TOOO late, had ur chance (HE was like ah we should've just dated, mmmm I wanted you, you didn't want me) anywho teased him till the sun came up, oi boy.... here we go again *we banged* lol.

Then shut the front door. I tried running from again. I loved him bruh was hard not having him. He was like you think this easy on me? My life is not together, I'm like nether is mine.... he wanted us both to get where we needed to be first but why torture ourselves idk... or if he just making excuses and doesn't feel the same. SET ME FREEEE.

I was gonna be like bye :( but needed my journals from him.... anyway we took my pup to dog park. Then we went to our spot. This other lil park. It was our getting high spot from weed to our coke head days, drinks, and jib man.

And it became the spot where he asked me to be hissss.

Fuckin eh. Romantically high.

Took a walk down to the bushes/trees, well pup ran around following us. Our baby hahaha he step dad now.

He leaned against fallen down tree and pulled me close, as we both smoked Dat dumb drug. But that don't matter. Just agh KNOWING WE WERE FINALLY TOGETHER. Awkwardly saying babe now smiling and glowing...

(minus my bad news at same time of those pre cancerous cells) it was like hold the phone, lemme enjoy this right now.

Agh. Just man.... me single all this time.... and it's you????

The spot (years ago) he was to drunk and high and passed out in the snow. Was so heavy, I'm like we gotta go I'm not abandoning you out here in the cold!!!!!! Tells me should've left him IM LIKE NO you my bro, I'm getting ya home safe lol

Got stuck in the ditch there backing out oops..... made him come home with me. Again we did not sleep or kiss or nothing. I loved just his presence and being fucked up with him LOL I'm pretty sure he slept at the foot of the bed still.

Anyway he was to start a job that morning.... fuckin snow was heavy that night. What happend again? Got stuck in my own driveway this time fuck..... his fault this one. Other one was mineeee. His dad had to come pull me car out ermahgod..... then we rushed and got his ss to town so he made it to work. Lol I would've felt like shit cause I made him come home with me and if he'd missed that first day agh see I'm not always a good influence.

Holy man. I hate he got that job tho. Terrible. Just he reconnected with alot of drug people meh idk bleh. It's different when weeee do drugs together, doesn't count lololol and eh he was my friend, I think I started getting less attention. Yes I'm jello, I hog friends to myself hahaha

Fuckin hell.... idk how we did it back then. Just friends but we were close af. He was so quiet and depressed when I first met him and I was fucking manic as hell walking on cloud 9. The sun eh......

Then man things are blurry..... just always remembered him coming here to get STONED AF. We'd watch chucky together. Nd idk..... used to try sleeping normally but once we snuggled and awkwardly pecked abit and then I was like no cock blocked him. Back to the foot of the bed sir!!!!!

So fucking weird mannnnn. Doi I think we both wanted eachother during times but he couldn't have meeee so yenno did his own shit. Idk he would tell me his relationship stuff and I was like bruh the woman no derseve youuuu leave!

But we'd joke, he like oh I gotta send my money to my gf in city and I'd be like why don't I get money, he'd say be my gf then and you would lol

Just random shots like that. I know for a fact I'd sense jealousy when he'd have a women lol but I'm like no no, boy just a friend.

Fuck and when I had my first LDR I swear to God is when he started testing me. We were drunk and stoopid. He kept trying to kiss me, didn't count I didn't kiss back!

He'd try and leave to his parents and I'd literally be holding him tight, wrapped around his leg not wanting him to go.

Like man, I loved having him with me, his presence sleeping over, even tho we weren't a thing. Hated when he just come get high and had to go......

Jealousy bipolar drugs is why I think I distance myself for awhile after all that.... oh I was mad he made me feel like cheated -.-.

He was literally the guy in memes girls would say ' don't worry he's just a frieeeend ' well shit, look at us now.

How we BECOME WEEEEE. Fuckin eh. I was high..... on jib the first time.... we talked about how I haven't got laid in forever, he'd always offer him and I'm like no I don't sleep with my friends.

Even before then fuck, always some sexual tension was between us getting idk harder as time went on. I be bad and accidently let him see some sexy selfies oops. Boy that what you can't have 😂.

Eventually just causal touching would happen like I didn't care if grabbed my boobs, was all just idk jokes.

Even busy fucking curiosity me stoned asking, well how big is it????? Oh fuck that's what happend that night he was here (when I was in my ldr) we almost banged. (I'm like you just want me more now cause I'm taken!) We was wasted......

But ya he had me in a position where I was laying on the bed him standing up, just grrrrr. Guess dry fucking lmfao. I remember wanting it sooo bad LIKE NO NO HES A FRIEND AND YOU HAVE A MAN NOW (tho really i don't count that anymore as boyfriend, just someone I used to FaceTime alot lolol but at the time it felt like cheating)

That fucker, once again building that damn sexual vibe AHHHHHH.

I don't think we hung out for awhile after that. I was mad at him lol trying to get with me all of sudden.

Anywho anywho, ldr died, time went on we haven't seen eachother in awhile. I missed him and wanted him as my friend again. Tho everyone told me not to, that he just uses me and stuff whatever idk. Didn't care. I did but gr.

Like something about that boy had me like a magnet towards him.

Back to the day I first got high on jib. Which IM MAD CAUSE I READ SHIT WRONG. Or idk. Anywho. Talked all night long. Snuggling and stuff. By morning, I said this story before, I let him have me lol. Like why torture myself man. Sex sex sex.

Shit he confuses this idk why. I have a shit and good memory. He likes to say I came to him first. No. We banged at mine first doofus. Then I wanted to see ya again is how I ended up going to his and rest is history of fucking bs confusing ahhhhhhhh.

Bruh anyway before we even banged asked if loved him.... awkward ass question. Like idk..... and I was scared of commitment and shit and it was a weird conversation. I can't say I love you rn?

Smh by the time he left. He stopped looked at me. Don't get attached. I was like bruh wtf?

Idk one of those days he was at mine..... I was all over him, I made it clear I wanted more. he didn't. Was frustrating af. Cause ya I was scared to date but I was sick of hook ups and men that were unavailable saying I was to good for them.

So it's like really again.... but I my dumbass was like I ain't raising my number again. Noone else to bang, he re woken the sexual beast LMFAO so let's keep this ride going I guess .

Which fuck me. Was great for the most part except I turned into a jib head.... we just smoke and hide in his room alllll daaaay. Gaming, Journaling, coloring, me talking alllll the time, making videos, this is where I got in to tumblr when I forgot my journal one day, and I discovered how to make gifs 😉

So I'd make him gifs hehe. Anyways you lucky bastards that followed me..... got all those gifs hahaha when me and him stopped talking. Or well just idk.. just bestfriends. I was like fuck it I'll share my gifs here where they feel appreciated lol he not my man.

Then welcome to the hoeboe blog! Which is crazy cause nows it my bipolar blog diary thingy hahahaha

Yeah yeah yeah man. Anyway I think yall know the rest of our love story. He was wanting me when shit was just TO LATE! EMOTIONAL TORTURE falling for someone who didn't wanna date you smh. You fucker made me fall for you.

Oh we had a fight recently where he said the same to me, I got him to fall for me and made him catch feelings. good. I love you.

Like I don't think he derseved me... this girl cracked out said he didn't deserve me lmao I'm like yeah I know..... but fuck man life's short..

The heart wants what the heart wants. ☠️

Man. Do I trust him? I'm bipolar I don't trust anyone really. My suspicions kill me inside everyday. Haha

Funny. We don't have eachother on any social media but messenger..... but I kind of like it that way. Keeps me from ever hitting stalker mode lol your business is yours unless you wanna share it with me. Bruh I seen Samantha notification pop up as I watching you play on your iPad. My head like WHOSE THE BITCH. Then it like nah.....

To grown for that shit. Unless I fuckin bust him with concrete proof yenno.... whatever then.

Just lemme enjoy having someone for once and ignore any paranoia or suspicions. Plus fuck man you NEED TO TRUST to start a relationship silly to go into one and just be like whose this bitch instantly, you cheating eh?

I will trust till he proves not to. Tho I know he's a pro liar eh eh. He knows I'm a good manipulator. Soo hmph.

Back to like guy can talk to whoever whatever. Just don't DAMN FLIRT YOUR MINEEEE. Like I have my guy friends I talk to.

Holy shiet before our month apart we were here getting fucked up. I had Randoms from whisper on my snap. He was like kinda losing it next to me. So I was telling someone about it and leaned over hiding me text. He was like IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND all mad and jealous lmfao and then denied it next day saying I no care. You like me and are jello, heheh.

Omg new post this long. Whaaat I talk to much.

Oh yeah.... hrmph I won't be insanely jealous quit yet. I mean. I have reasons not to be either lol. Hehehehe

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