#my anxiety is better tho i should get a card n ask if they have english books

[lilacponds]

I've learnt to just assume it regardless, but I hate SO MUCH posts that are "helpfully" letting you know that hey X is free! don't use Y when there's Z widely available at no price whatsoever!!! (even worse when it's guilt-trippy) and then you check X and Z out and they only either exist or work in North America. which was said nowhere in the original post or the 5 chained reblogs and nowhere in the first 30 replies.

like aight. I'll go fuck myself then. apparently the US is the only country that exists for you to not include that vital piece of information in your posts.

"I can't recommend enough-" You can. Your post was unhelpful and incomplete.

[vera-deville]

I Will Say (I'm in Love)

08/04/2023 - 04/30/2024

Pairing: Leona Kingscholar x Reader Word Count: 2,787 Warnings: A fair amount of cursing; Reader's outfit is a dress and is decidedly purple; Reader does go through a little bit of a mental breakdown (I personally blame all the stress of NRC), but I promise it's gonna be alright- Gender: AFAB Tags: @viviennevermillion, @achy-boo, @savanaclaw1996, @otomyoli, @chroniccorvus Notes: This is the second part to this fic, so please check that out before reading this! Rook is basically a fairy godmother (even tho he's a stalker, but we don't talk about that). Oh, and I made a reference to Savanaclaw Rook, because he's been living in my head rent-free and thERE ARE NO FICS ABOUT IT DARN IT-

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

In which Y/N eventually does say that she's in love.

"Shit." Y/N hissed as she swung open the wardrobe door, only to reveal that there were no decent dresses.

"For fuck's sake!" The girl screeched, running her hands through her hair and yanking at it. Only the Great Seven could help her at this point. Did any of them specialize in luck with money? Or even better yet, did any of them specialize in stopping a person from splurging all their hard earnt bribed thaumarks on art supplies?

Grim wasn't even there to help with this whole fiasco!

Who else could she ask for money? Azul? No, that one's too slippery. Kalim? No, that one's guarded by a snake and talks too much. Vil? But that one's...

That one's perfect! He wouldn't be able to resist helping out someone to look fabulous! Besides, Y/N could handle potato insults for a bit if it meant getting a fabulous dress picked out by Vil Schoenheit himself.

And so the Prefect of Ramshackle ran as fast as her legs would carry her, all the way to the house of Pomefiore. It's a pretty name, filled with pretty people, but at this moment, only one pretty person mattered.

"VIIIILLLLL! I NEEEEEED YOUR HEEEELLLLLPPPP!"

That should grab his attention.

And grab his attention it did, because mere seconds later, a tall blonde stormed into the common room, vial of poison ready in his hand for the heathen that dared summon him in such a manner.

But before he could get a word in, Y/N asked, no begged him for help with a dress. And of course, him being the gracious queen he is, he couldn't leave the potato in such a state.

"Coral, though a nice color, would be far too bright for you for this event." Holding up a card of azure up to Y/N's shoulder, Vil decided that also would not do the trick. "Perhaps a glowy yellow brown?" Y/N perked at the fabric Vil held in his hands. It was just a small square piece of fabric, but it looked oh so pretty. Like sand glimmering in the sunlight.

And then suddenly the sun lit sand turned into purple.

A very familiar purple, though Y/N couldn't quite put her finger on it. Scrunching his face in contemplation, Vil nodded to himself before letting Y/N know that she should opt for a dress in that shade of lavender.

Which is how Y/N found herself in a shopping mall, looking high and low for a vaguely familiar shade of purple in a dress that she should have gotten ready long ago. Earlier, Y/N had pondered about who to bring with her (if she chose to bring anyone at all) to the mall to help her find just the right dress. Vil was the obvious choice, but Y/N wasn't sure she wanted to indulge in his kindness more than she already had. Rook was also a good choice, but Y/N didn't feel like admitting anything to him at the current moment (though knowing his nature, he probably already knew everything).

In the end, Y/N went by herself, not confident enough to bring anyone with her. In the hours she had to get ready for her event, Y/N had something of an epiphany. Anxiety was a bitch. No shade of purple seemed to match the shade card Vil had given her. And if she did find a dress in the color, the dress was not one she'd think herself beautiful in. In the off chance that she'd find a dress that was the right shade and style, Y/N would immediately go an try it on - only to despise the way it fit around her body.

This was now the 7th store that Y/N had walked into in hopes of finding the perfect lavender dress that eluded her grasps so.

And right off the bat, there was a beautiful dress. In the same shade Vil had instructed her to buy. In a style that made her heart pick up the pace because it was simply and utterly beautiful. Making a beeline towards the dress, Y/N gently ran her hands through the fabric. Good, it wasn't itchy. She pulled the dress to the side in such a way that she could see the back, but the dress still hung on the rack, and she could feel a heave of relief making its way through her lips. It was just right.

Her heart was racing now, and Y/N couldn't shake the grin off her face, and for once, she didn't even care. Speed-walking towards the dressing rooms, Y/N nearly threw open one of the stall's doors, and locked herself inside immediately. Hanging her purse on a hook, she stripped out her clothes and slipped the dress over her head and down her body.

Except it wasn't going down her body.

It was stuck at her hips.

With a gentle fury, Y/N pulled at the dress, trying to force the thing down her thighs.

It wasn't going down.

Looking back up at the mirror, as though it would be some sort of saving grace, she continued to try to pull the dress down, but no avail.

Eventually, she zeroed in on her eyes in the mirror, and that's when Y/N stopped for a brief moment. She took in her appearance. Dress half worn, frown embedded, sweat glistening, hair frenzied, shoes thrown in some corner, and worst of all: tears beginning to form.

In a moment of rash wrath, Y/N pulled the dress off her, and threw it against the mirror, letting the tears pour out her eyes as she hugged herself and turned away from the mirror.

It's like not a single thing would go her way and it was stupid, worrying this much over a dress, but that wasn't all there was to it. It wasn't just the dress. It was the event, the school, the people, it was the whole world she'd been dropped into.

Aware that she was still technically in a public setting and should maintain at least some semblance of decorum, Y/N kept her sobs and sniffles to herself.

Knock knock.

Whipping her head up, Y/N realized that an employee was knocking on the door, and sniffed once more. Wiping her eyes and her face and wearing the clothes and shoes she originally walked in with, she grabbed her purse and the damned lavender dress, plastered a smile on her face, and opened the door.

No need to burden others with her own burdens.

Except standing outside the door was no employee, but rather Rook Hunt.

Bewildered, Y/N rubbed her eyes again in hopes that she was hallucinating and wasn't actually seeing Rook Hunt right after she had an emotional breakdown.

Sadly, she was in fact seeing Rook Hunt after said emotional breakdown.

"What a magnificent coincidence my dear Trickster!" Rook said as he walked with Y/N out of the dressing rooms of the store.

"Uh, yeah, pretty cool coincidence Rook. What're you doing here?" Y/N asked, trying to move the focus away from her and on to Rook. If he noticed, he didn't make it known. He simply continued to prattle on about a new fashion line from a brand he liked.

The thing about Rook that Y/N enjoyed at this particular moment was how despite the fact that he was here to buy something for himself, he simply followed Y/N wherever she went while occasionally interrupting to ask if a particular garment would look good on him or not. (Y/N was sure he knew that it would look good on him, and that he simply wished to hear someone else say it).

It hadn't been too long since Y/N had returned the lavender dress she'd tried to wear to an employee at the store and had instead opted to accompany Rook to the store that had the new line he was looking for (as a change of pace of some sort). The store itself was very high-end, that much she could tell, and while she'd always had a rough suspicion that Rook was in fact secretly rich, him perusing through everything that caught his eye in the store (which was a lot) without bothering about the prices certainly cemented the suspicion in Y/N.

Mindlessly scanning her eyes through the aisles visible to her as she waited for Rook to emerge from his dressing room, Y/N scrunched her face as she remembered her dressing room incident from earlier. Even though she was feeling a lot better now, it didn't change the fact that she still had no dress, and was running out of time to get ready.

Bam!

The door smack open dramatically with an even more dramatic figure emerging from the depths within.

Rook actually looked really nice. He clearly had a good eye for these things, even if most of those things were taught to him by Vil. Apparently there was a time where Rook was in Savanaclaw, and was something of a diamond in the rough (Vil's words, not hers). Before Vil got used to Rook being...well, Rook, he had given him an atrocious bob cut in hopes of Rook finally leaving him alone.

Spoiler alert, it did not work. In fact, Rook embraced the haircut so much that he hasn't changed it since he first got it, and he certainly hasn't stopped his usual Rook self.

Personally, Y/N couldn't imagine Rook looking any different. But no matter how much she pestered either Rook or Vil for old photos of him from back in Savanaclaw, neither would budge (one because it was too hideous and the other because he simply found it fun to tease her).

"Trickster? Are you alright?" Rook asked Y/N who was lost in thought.

"Hmm?" Y/N hummed, snapping out of her thoughts. "Oh yeah, I'm alright. Sorry, I was just thinking about something." Doing a once-over of Rook, she said, "You look great."

Before she could get another word in, Rook slyly side-stepped her and made his way to some corner of the store not fully visible from where she was standing. Confused, Y/N tried leaning over to see where he'd gone, but when she couldn't see anything, she simply turned back and waited for him to come back.

He'd most probably seen something else he wanted to buy and was getting it.

Pulling out her phone, Y/N realized that she had less than an hour to get ready, and sighed. Still no dress. No completed hair or makeup. No nothing.

It was at this moment that Rook popped up in front of her face.

"There you are! Did you find something you wanted to try on-" Y/N asked when she looked at what Rook was holding in his hands.

It was a dress.

It was lavender in color.

It looked beautiful.

"I saw this dress, and I immediately thought that it would suit you so well! Hurry, go try it on~" Rook explained as he shoved Y/N towards the dressing room.

Sputtering, Y/N could only hold onto the dress thrust onto her arms as she was pushed by Rook. Once inside the room, she looked at the mirror.

Sigh.

Here we go again.

Tugging off her clothes, she pulled the dress over her figure with all the time she had.

Not looking at the mirror, she pulled the dress down her thighs. It went down just fine.

Huh.

Running her hands down the fabric and smoothening out any of the wrinkles in place, Y/N finally looked at her reflection. The dress was slightly loose, but not in a bad way. It gave her room to breathe. Besides, it'd probably shrink after she threw it in the wash. Y/N twirled around, watching the movement of the dress closely. It actually looked nice.

Hesitantly, Y/N brought her hand to the lock on the door and after taking in a deep breath, she opened it.

Rook was waiting patiently, and the look on his face when he saw her in the dress gave her some amount of confidence as she walked out.

"You look beautiful."

Y/N knew he wasn't lying. He'd never lie when it came to matters of beauty. But she also knew that he wasn't exaggerating. Rook, as dramatic and odd as he was, wasn't someone to exaggerate beauty. He simply spoke his mind, and that was something she respected about him.

"It certainly is a nice dress, but I can't pay for it Rook. I didn't bring enough." Y/N told him with a sad smile.

"Who said anything about you paying? I have already paid for the dress. All that you need to do is wear it!" Rook stated happily.

Despite being short of money most if not all the time, and bribing NRC's headmaster for payments (which in all honesty were well-deserved, taking into account all the work she did for him) amongst other things, Y/N had a certain respect for money. And a certain pride regarding money too. Especially when her friends were involved.

"Rook, I can't do that. This is way too expensive, and I'm not going to make you pay for it. I can't repay you, so I'm just not going to get this dress."

"Once again, Trickster, the dress has already been paid for. I didn't do this expecting you to pay me back, so don't worry about it, and just look like your prepossessing self."

Y/N could feel her eyes tear up again for the second time that day.

Before Rook could tell her to not ruin her face with tears, Y/N jumped him in a suffocating hug (one not unlike Floyd's infamous hugs) and thanked him profusely. Smiling, he looked down at her and wrapped her in an embrace of his own. She deserved much for everything she did around the school and more, and if this could be even a little helpful, he'd do it again.

"Now, now, don't cry Y/N." At the use of her name, she looked up at Rook's face. "You have something to attend, don't you? You can't do that if you're busy crying in a mall with me, now can you?"

Sniffing, Y/N nodded, and pulled back from Rook, wiping her tears away (luckily there weren't as much as before). "Did Vil tell you I was going on a date with Leona?" She asked.

"A date? With Leona!?" Rook exclaimed, much to Y/N's surprise. "I never thought I would see the day come!"

"Wait, so you didn't know?"

"My dear trickster, how could I have possibly known?"

With one more suspicious glance, Y/N dropped the subject.

"When is your date Trickster?"

"It's in less than an hour from now. Why?"

"And hour!? We have no time left." Rook cried out. Without missing a beat, he dragged Y/N with him out the store and to a salon that was just a few stores down. Sitting her down, he instructed an employee as to what to do with her (he was very particular when he told the employee to have the dress in perfect shape). For a second, he vaguely resembled Vil. This time, Y/N paid for the services herself, not taking no from Rook as an answer.

When all was said and done, Rook stood in front of Y/N, absorbing all the details, trying to figure out of it was all enough. A tiny bit of fuzz was on her shoulder, so he plucked it off smoothly before she could question anything.

"I-Thank you Rook. You have no idea how much this all means to me." Y/N told Rook.

"I would do anything for love to prevail *mon filou. And I would do even more for you." Rook told Y/N.

Smiling at Rook, she said, "You were right. I do like Leona. No, I love him. A lot. And by the looks of it, he likes me too!" Giving him one more hug, Y/N walked away, purse in hand, excited for her date with Leona.

"Ah, young love~ Whatever could be more beautiful?" Rook asked himself in a cheerful voice as he watched Ramshackle's Prefect walk off into the distance, one step at a time to her fairytale ending. Rook felt himself proud of reaching the mall just in time to help Y/N (her purse certainly helped in tracking her down).

That's two lovebirds he's helped today!

Turning back around and wandering through the mall, Rook wondered who he'd be helping next.

Author's Note: As you can see from the dates, I really took my time with this one. When I first started writing this last year, I was planning to write about Leona and Reader's date, or more specifically, how the date was arranged and all that fun stuff, but when I sat down to write today, it just went in a completely different direction. I've never really incorporated Rook into my writings (and if I did, he's there for like three sentences), but unpredictably, he ended up playing a larger role in this fanfic. If you'd like a third part to this where we find out about how Leona and Y/N even ended up agreeing to go on a date with each other, or perhaps we find out who Rook helped or is going to help, feel free to let me know!

Masterlist

[freezeriafan]

Also I'm not the biggest Allan fan but you my good sir/maam/monarch have endeared me to him so. Allan headcanons?

You literally cant ask me that ... I've been posting since november 2019 you cant just ask me that ...

Well. I'll keep it rich and brief

- he thinks that vaccines are bad (because someone told him so once), prompting you to then say "Dont.. dont you get the flu shot every year?" to which he replies "well YEAH cause I dont wanna get SICK." This is because he is a goofy funny loveable man

- He is very kind and generally open-minded (when he remembers to be) and pretty gregarious and DEFINITELY optimistic. And he respects deeply the importance of being authentic. 

- He’s good with having friends he sees frequently and having friends that he hasnt seen in years and the time gap doesnt alter the relationship in any way .. He doesnt feel like he’s losing friends when it’s been a while. Which is good because he has many friends in many odd places. He’s got connections. He knows people

- Yes he uses 50s greaser slang. Yes Akari has picked up some choice phrases from him that she uses better (negative perspiration baby....).

- Yes he knows things about cars.

- He’s at this point in his life where he has romance woes. It was fun being passed around / passing everyone around but, when he gets to be pushing 30 he starts to think, maybe i should settle down with a life partner and have a family...? But truth be told he’s not yet ready for either of those things. When he is ready he needs to end up with Lisa I think (she has romance troubles to mirror his in that people keep leaving, in fact he aggravated that himself by never fully committing to their budding romance, even almost severing their lovely friendship in his anxiety) (it’s in their natal charts it’s just the way that their lives are)

- His full name is Allan Alan Allen. None of his bullies ever touched on this

- Really he got bullied because in the 6th grade he developed a C R I P P L I N G obsession with the musical GREASE. Oh it was bad man. He still likes it even but now he can appreciate it as a work of art and of the times rather than just, like, guys in blue jeans dancing on cars

- He has no siblings. 

- He plays hockey like a god but outside of the rink he’s like ... kind of clumsy and .. he cant tolerate the din of busy places. He only goes to the Fluffmart between the hours of 12 - 2 am and Sue hates him

- Sometimes he can’t tell Roy and Joy apart. He has no good excuse for this

- Lisa is his BFF and Robby is his intermittent roommate and Akari is his bro and Taylor used to be his roommate and Allan is convinced that he has an older-brother relationship with Taylor but Taylor doesnt feel that way and sort of thinks that Allan is overberaring and annoying and he doesnt know why he sends him a birthday card in the mail every year. And Allan knows everyone else too because he’s a social butterfly that way. He is the Only Person In Roy’s Life who has been Consistently Present and Nice to him

- His coat .. all the pockets .. it’s like a catacomb .... he has mini toothpaste and floss and breath strips that he eats like gum .... he really likes Mentos ...  but he’s not a fan of mint in any other contexts .... he just has so much shit in his coat tho ... he pulls dollar bills out of one pocket and coins out of another and shillings out of yet another ....he’s like a magician 

- And so much more...

Thanks for playing...!

[miyaniacs]

Bruh. I just read all your S/O x HQ boys. AND THEY'RE ALL AMAZING?? If your requests are open- may I ask for tsukki & others with a s/o who is clearly failing and how they would react to them having sleepless nights studying, constant anxiety about exams and crying? Thank you in advance 💖💖

S/o failing classes

A/n: is Atsumus more of a comfort one for myself? Yes. I swear I feel this request so badly, I hope you feel better now tho :( sorry I wanted to write one more BUT I’d be too much for my brain to handle without crying again, remembering the stress lol

And thank you sooo much !!! I’m glad that you enjoyed reading them!

Characters: Tsukki & Atsumu

Tsukki

After you didn’t respond to his last 10 messages, he got worried

Normally you at least reply and tell him that you can’t talk right now

So he‘s doing the best thing he could do - going straight to your home

Here he is, leaning against your doorframe, looking at the mess in front of him

You haven’t seen him by now, too occupied with crying your heart out & throwing papers around you

“I can’t do this- why have I ever thought I could make it ?! Why have I ever thought I could be as smart as he is?!”

You break down and he finally finds his way over to you, carful kneeling down next to you and putting his hand on your shoulder

You flinch at the sudden touch

“Tsukki, why…” you stutter

“It doesn’t matter come here.” He says and pulls you against his chest, wrapping his arms around you

He really doesn’t know what to say, his teasing sarcastic comments aren’t right now, but since he doesn’t know what to say to you he decides to hold you and hopefully show that he’s here for you

Looking around he sees all the paperwork is about your current studies

“Want me to help you with this?” He asks when you finally calm down

“No, It doesn’t matter anymore. The test is next week and I’m failing the class”

“No, I’m sure you won’t, you still got a week left.”

“A week to understand all the things taught in half a year - yes as if” you roll your eyes

“Well is that a challenge?” He smirks

“You’d waste your time trying.” You sink down on the floor and look up to the ceiling

“Wellll true you’re too stupid to understand -insert wrong sentence about the topic-“

“It’s - right sentence-“

“See. Only 99% left and we only been doing this for a second.” He smirks as you shoot up and stare at his face

“You’re too stressed and your head is way too full, you know most of it - you simply can’t focus enough to remember.” He smiles gently and cups your face , rubbing his fingers over your tear stained cheeks

“You should have told me sooner though - I told you i’m always here to help you.”

“But you’ve been busy and-“

“And you’ve been lacking sleep and overworking yourself.”

“I can’t catch up on everything though.” Your eyes start to tear up again, thinking about all the other things you need to study for too

“So what? You take the class again. A year more or less isn’t as important as your mental health.”

“But-“

“No buts - let’s go and get something to eat”

“I can’t I need to study.”

“YOU AND I will study tomorrow. Now you need to think about something else first and clear your mind. you won’t be able to learn anything else otherwise.”

He gets up and pulls you with him, walking out of the door

Later that night after you two came back home, you immediately fell asleep the second your head touched your pillows.

Tsukki stayed up all night, preparing small cards to help you study tomorrow, so you at least won’t fail this one test. He really doesn’t care if you fail your classes, it’s stressful af - but he doesn’t want you to think badly of yourself. He knows you can do it, he just has to prove it to you.

Atsumu

3am

The front door of yours and Atsumu’s apartment opens

Quietly Atsumu tiptoes inside, trying not to wake you up

“Hey babe.” You call out

“Hey love - wait ?? It’s 3am why are you awake?” He walks over to your voice, finding you sitting on the dining table on your laptop

“Got to finish this assignment.” You sigh

“Love. You need sleep.”

“Says the one that’s been out training for hours.”

Dropping his gym back, Atsumu walks around the table sitting next to you

“Haven’t you finished all the tests for this semester tho? I feel like you’ve been studying for the past 6 months.” He looks at you worried

“Yeah, but I failed my tests … so my profs gave me the chance to not fail all my classes … with all those essays.” You sigh and drop your head on Atsumu’s shoulder

“But you need a break love … you’re under constant stress … you’re on your holidays rn …”

“Babe… we’re both working too much.” You laugh

“Yeah… but it’s enough that I am like that ..” he scratched his head

“I just want to finish university and get a job already … i’m getting older and older.” You sigh

“Y/n. You know you don’t have to worry about the money.” He turns around to look into your eyes

“Atsumu. I want to earn my own money. I want to save up for the future and get you and my friends nice presents … I don’t want to only relay on you”

“You know that I don’t care? We habe enough money for you to not stress yourself over failing a class and studying a bit longer.” He cups your cheek but you move away from his touch

“Well yeah. But how do you think I feel?!” You snap

“How do you think I feel? Failing my classes, failing to become the person I plan on becoming? Archiving my dream and becoming the bad independent bitch? But I fail. And whenever I look at you I see you living your dream.”

Tears start to well up in your eyes

“I feel like a failure whenever I look at you. I don’t want you money nor your gifts.”

Atsumu‘s heart starts to break more abs more the more you talk.

“I want us both to be THAT couple…. You know ? That one couple … where we both have our carrier, support each other, aren’t dependent on one another - financially.”

Tears stream down your face while you see the future you always wanted in front of your eyes

But you failed. You failed miserably.

“You’re putting too much pressure on yourself.” He gently takes your hand in his

“Yes I know - but that doesn’t mean that I can’t archive it.” You hiss

“Yeah, but archiving it a year or two later is still archiving your dreams. I love how ambitious you are … and that you got goals. But my love- you’re crying at least once a week due to all the pressure.”

“ I can handle it.” You look away.

“But I can’t. I can’t handle coming home after training way too long, just to see you overworking yourself even more than I do.”

Looking at him through your lashes you bite your lower lip

“Love I can’t just sit here and watch you running towards a burnout.” He lifts up your chin

Your head races, you know he’s a right but you can’t just admit that

“Together.” You mumble

“Huh?”

“Together. Let’s make a deal to be home / done with studying at 11pm and spend the rest of the day relaxing together.” You look up into his eyes

A gentle smile spreads on his lips and he places his forehead against yours

“Deal”

reblogs and feedback is welcomed

[lozzypoz321]

Word count: 3.8k!

A/N: this is one of my favourite things I’ve ever written and I’m super proud of it, also the biggest word count I’ve ever done, hope you enjoy and pretty please leave feedback!! <3

Warnings: brief mentions of underage sex, calling of child services, brief mentions of an anxiety attack

Avengers college AU

-

Bucky: Guys I’m really desperate

Bruce: what?

Steve: wdym?

Bucky: does anyone have the first period free tomorrow? Can’t afford a babysitter for Riley :/

Tony: nah can’t, I’ve got a busy schedule

Clint: economics man

Bruce: science m8

Nat: same as Clint I’m afraid Jamesy

Clint: wbu Steve?

Steve: library club and I can’t skip

Bucky: >: I

Bucky: I think I may be having a midlife crisis.

Tony: okay 1. You’re 20 and 2. You shouldn’t have gone an’ knocked up a woman at 17

Nat: Tony!

Bucky: You’re acting like you didn’t get some at 17 Tony

Bruce: he has a fair point.

Nat: and anyway Riley’s too pure for your insults Tony

Bucky: uwu

Tony: you have officially turned into every teenage girl Barnes

Nat: anywayyyyyyy, Thor how’re you coping with your brother’s “phase”

Tony: I am starting to think Loki’s goth phase isn’t just a phase Natalie, I caught him walking around in a skull T-shirt with chains this morning

Clint: oh daym

Steve: what are you going to do?

Thor: I am going to show that I respect him by buying him some flowers!

Clint: What abt a chain tho?

Nat: wait, does anyone wanna go to laser tag at some point?

Tony: oooh yes!

Bruce: yeah I’m down! :)

Steve: I’ve got time yeah thanks

Bucky: I never back down from a laser tag game

Nat: great! I’ll book it with Tony’s card

Tony: wait what?

Bucky: oh shit, I’ve gotta go, Riley’s just run away somewhere brb

Clint: oh damn.

Bucky shoved his phone hastily into his pocket and looked around, desperation filling his eyes as they searched for any sign of his daughter. The bushes swayed with the evening breeze and very few people strolled around campus, either going on a walk, meeting up early with friends or getting food. The young adult heavily sighed out of relief when he caught sight of Riley, excitedly chatting to a man, who James quickly identified him as one of his other friends, Sam.

Braking out into a light jog, he made his way across campus to the pair while also trying to avoid bumping into the other students that were now staring at him, in college he was basically known as the fuck boy. Not that he was, the only reason behind it was that he had a daughter at 17 and everyone apart from his friends never saw past that.

“What’re you doing here munchkin?” He asked the small girl who was now shyly smiling at her father. Sam chuckled at the duo and turning his attention away from Riley, “wasn’t her fault dude, just telling me how she’s going to chemistry class tomorrow, can’t wait to see that” he said with a sly smirk on his face.

Bucky mentally sighed, yes it was going to be very tough tomorrow. Not only was she very restless, but she also was very talkative and wouldn’t put a filter on around people older than her, which most of the time could be very offensive. “Yeah! I promised him I’ll be good!”

“Oh really? Well I kinda hoped you’d have something to say to Professor Demon”

“Sam,” he groaned and ran a hand through his hair “his names Damon, if he caught you sayin’ that then we’d get suspended so quickly dude” Riley giggled and looked up at her dad innocently “and then we’d go poor because you suck at getting jobs”

“He sucks at everything” Sam mumbled, earning a glare from the other man. “We better go get some food now, there’s literally nothing in the fridge except a can of tuna, some ketchup and packets of sour sauce from takeout awhile ago”

“Oof man”

The walk to the diner that he had decided on going to after he couldn’t be bothered going grocery shopping was a long one. Riley insisted on stopping for every dog they saw, to ask to stroke it. “Ri’ baby, we can’t keep stopping, we gotta get back to the dorm before it’s your bedtime”

The pout she sent him instantly melted his heart before he realised she knew exactly what she was doing and he readjusted his grip on her hand so she didn’t end up running away again like she did earlier.

-

“Ri’ what do you want?” He asked the child once the waitress had come over asking for their orders. She gave a nonchalant shrug and turned her attention back to the video that was playing on Bucky’s phone that he had given her for the wait. “M’kay so, can we get a,” he took a pause to take a quick glance at the kid’s menu on the table “chicken nuggets and chips please with… chocolate milkshake?”

Riley nodded and the waitress, who from the name tag on her apron, was named Elizabeth, began to write down both his and her order but halfway through gave a quick glance up to Bucky, but when he caught her cheeks flooded red that made his daughter snort.

“Is that all sir?”

“Riley shut up” he quietly told the girl as Elizabeth walked away with her head down. “She was flirting with you dad” she laughed making him jokingly nudge her across the table “Oi, and anyway she’s not my type munchkin”

“Well don’t be too loud, the creeps staring at you dad”

He didn’t mean to, but without thinking his head whipped round to instantly make eye contact with the woman who was biting her lip, her eyes now as big as plates. His cheeks heated furiously as he immediately turned back around to face his adorable giggling daughter. “You better like those chicken nuggets munchkin cause I’ve got to go through this to get them”

“I will dad, I like chickens”

-

“Riley, come on you gotta get some sleep” he groaned once she’d slid onto the sofa where he was writing his assignment last minute for the fifth time that night.

“But dad,” She whined and pulled on the sleeve of the college logo sweater he had pulled on without even thinking about it once they’d got home as he had only just realised he had a paper to write, “I’m not tired and I don’t want to be alone”

His eyes softened at the pleading look on her face that would get him to do anything she wanted him to “m’kay baby, how about we go into into the bedroom and you try to get some sleep while I finish this up”

She nodded enthusiastically and he picked up the study books and paper in one hand and Riley in the other, deep eye bags could be found on his face from the lack of sleep that he had spent pulling all-nighters working on college work and began to make his way into the small room that had a single bed pressed up against the wall with a mattress next to it, an abundance of blankets on both.

He set the small girl onto the single bed and lowered himself down into the smaller one, using the bed frame to press his back against and using a hardback book underneath the paper to rest on.

“Why do people stare at you?” Bucky only just heard Riley mumble as her eyes struggled to keep open. He stopped writing but kept his hand in the same place while grinder his teeth, wondering what to say. “Cause baby… people don’t really think that I should have you this young,” he struggled to find the words as he felt his daughter roll onto her back to listen “but they don’t understand that I love you a lot, don’t I munchkin?”

Riley giggled behind him and uttered a small yes. “At least they haven’t tried to take me away again”

The young man's breath hitched in the back of his throat at the memory flashed through his mind. They’d been watching a movie with Steve after their classes and a knock had sounded on the door.Apparently, Child services had been called by one of the students and they tried to take her away but he wouldn’t let them, they had threatened to take him to court because the living settings were not meant for a child but 17-year-old Steve had calmly spoken to them outside the room while James had been on the edge of a panic attack inside.

“Yeah, scared me Ri’” his horse voice answered back making her eyebrows scrunch in confusion “I’m not going anywhere dad. Well, unless I die but y’know”

He sent her a bitch face look over his shoulder which made her uncontrollably giggle. Bucky chuckled and set his attention back to the essay while absent mindedly talking to her about random things.

“Is Loki gonna be at the laser tag place?” She asked and added on excitedly “oooh can I come dad?!”

“Sure doll, let me tell the guys”

Buck: we got plus ones on this laser tag thing?

Bruce: whyyyy??

Thor: oooh if that is the case I would very much like to take my brother!

Nat: oh are you bringing Riley then?

Buck: yup

Steve: I don’t see why not

Tony: I’m off to speak to this really hot girl

Clint: what that spice girl?

Buck: do you mean pepper?

Clint: ah yes!

He chuckled at the screen and chucked his phone to the side while looking up to his daughter on the bed above him, going to tell her they approved before stopping and smiling to himself as he caught sight of her peaceful, sleeping form.

Without waking her up, he got off the mattress and tucked in the blankets, quietly laughing as he retrieved the earbuds she had borrowed in the diner from her pocket. “Night munchkin”

-

Bucky groaned as the ringing of his phone awoke him, the technology next to his ear from when he had fallen asleep sat up. “Wha’?”

It was so early in the morning that he didn’t even have the energy to think of a proper sentence, never mind say one.

Steve: hey guys make sure your ready, it starts an hour after school

Clint: Steve. School. Finishes. At. 6. Pm. What. Tf. Do. You. Mean. It. Starts. In. An. hour. After.

Nat: we thought you could do with a late start

Tony: fuck you Romanoff

Clint: ten bucks says she’s smirking rn

Buck: ughhh

Bruce: I feel exactly the same way

Buck: no you don’t. I spent up until 6 am doing that English essay I forgot about

Tony: oof

Bucky: I will physically be running on caffeine this morning so be ready

He took a look around the messy room before deciding he would clean it another day and raised himself onto his feet before making sure Riley was still on the single bed asleep. He made his way to the tiny kitchen that held a mini-fridge, microwave, kettle and an oven with two counters on one side to make himself a cup of coffee that he was depending on if he had to spend an hour of his day running around in sweaty gear and a fake gun while making sure his daughter didn’t run away to get some sort of snack.

“Fuck” he mumbled as the loud whirring of the kettle started, sure to wake Riley up. “I’m tired” he heard a voice groan behind him, making the man whirl around, instantly making eye contact with his daughter. Sighing out of relief and returning back to the drink he was previously making. “So am I doll, yet you can’t have coffee”

He made her go get dressed and brush her teeth while he had a mental breakdown over what he was going to do about the paper he didn’t manage to finish before he fell asleep last night.

“Dad,” Bucky looked up to find Riley once again dressed in a pair of Joggers and a baggy T-shirt that she’d dragged out of the very few clean clothes in her draw “someone’s messaging your laptop”

She struggled to hold up the open device that showed multiple emails from one of his professors questioning his performance in class for the recent weeks. He inwardly cursed and took the laptop from her to begin emailing her back, choosing to ignore the insults she had thrown at him and his daughter in the middle of it.

“She is so full of-“ he stopped halfway through the sentence, noticing that Riley was sat next to him, quietly playing a YouTube video on his phone. “Whatcha watching Ri’?” He asked, his attention still focusing on trying to be professional in the email back. “c- c-“ she struggled to pronounce the word so she passed it to him.

“Commentary channels?” The man asked with a laugh, thinking about how most parents wouldn’t even let their 4 child near a video like that but yet again he wasn’t like most parents. He was 20 and had to do this alone.

“Oh yeah”

“Come on munchkin, we gotta get to first period before we’re late” he told her and grabbed his backpack to quickly shove his college things in before glancing at the digital clock on his phone and scooping Riley up so they could get there quicker.

Halfway through the panicked running across campus, the small girl decided she needed a nap and fell asleep against his shoulder, making Natalia laugh as they passed.

As soon as he arrived in the classroom he knew it was a bad idea when 11 pair of eyes fell to his, heavily panting and holding an asleep 4-year-old.

“Sir he’s late” a girl, younger than him moaned to the teacher who was now shrugging his shoulders “I don’t care”

“But professor, why’d he bring the baby?”

Bucky had enough of everyone staring at him, he readjusted the bag on his back before making his way to the back of the class, sitting in an empty seat in between Sam and Tony and placed Riley on his lap.

“That’s a good question Jaimee, Barnes?”

“Couldn’t find anyone to look after her professor” he mumbled in response, making sure to be loud enough to hear. “No babysitter?”

“Can’t afford it sir”

He didn’t once make eye contact with anyone in the room, instead putting his attention on the books that he was bringing out of his bag. “You alright man?” Tony whispered across the desk and flicked a pen at him, “Oi” Bucky hissed as the metal came in contact with the side of his head making Sam laugh loudly at him.

“Dad,” a mumble was heard quietly, making the older man look at his daughter, eyes that were previously closed were now looking up at his wide with pleading “I’m hungry”

If he was anywhere else in the world he would have sworn loudly, but right now he was in a class with 10 other students and his daughter. “Okay baby, but you're gonna have to wait for a while, we’re in my class but I’ll get you something after okay?”

She nodded and rested her hair back against his chest, making him smile slightly as he went back to taking notes of the class. “I’ve got skittles,” Sam held out the family-sized packet of sugary sweets making Riley do grabby hands towards it. Without asking Sam gave her it, earning a goofy smile from the girl. “Thank you dude but she’s literally gonna get the biggest sugar rush possible now”

“Aha, can’t wait to see that”

-

By halfway through the period Riley was already rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet, on the spot next to Bucky’s chair, his hand holding hers to make sure she didn’t run up to the front and distract everyone. “Dad, are you going to work tonight?”

“Yeah munchkin, not for long though, you can stay with Stevie. How about that?”

“Yeah, m’kay”

Suddenly the professor spoke up, directing his attention to Bucky “Barnes, the symbol Sb stands for stibium or stibnite. What is the modern name of this element?”

“That doesn’t sound like English dad” Riley loudly whispered to him, making the class laugh, “and what do you think the answer is?”

The girl pondered for a second and looked at her dad with seriousness drawn upon her features “...tell me,”

-

“Laser in the house!” Clint exclaimed in excitement once everyone had found their way to the front of campus where they’d agreed to meet.

“I like lasers,” Riley gushed while smiling brightly making most of the young adults chuckle, Loki however, did not. “Why did you have to bring me?” The man grumbled, sending a death glare towards his brother.

“Why are you dressed like that?”

“Riley no-“

“Did you go through childhood trauma to endure this?”

“Ri’ you can’t ask-“

“Why is there a child?” Loki asked as if he had only just noticed she was there. “She is Barnes’ daughter brother” Thor said and gently patted her head, making her scowl.

“You have a daughter?”

“I’ve had her for 4 years dude”

“Oh”

Steve grabbed his phone from his pocket and glanced at the time “guys we’ve gotta be there in half an hour we better get goin’”

“Alright Rogers, you really do like to keep track of time don’t you?” Tony asked and rolled his eyes making Nat nudge him in the ribs. “Tony, I’m not that old”

“You're 21, everyone else is 20 punk” Bucky teased him but stopped when he sent him a death glare. “Erm, I’m not 20.” The young girl pointed out while everyone else started making their way to the entertainment place. “Smart girl Ri’”

“Wait, do we need to decide the teams?” Bruce asked everyone once Bucky and Riley had caught up with the rest. “Ooooh,” Clint exclaimed with wide eyes “dibs on Natasha! She’s got good aim.”

“I’m gonna stick with you. Power team” Bucky whispered down to the stupidly smiling girl as she nodded furiously. By the time everyone had chosen their teammates and managed to agree, the group had arrived. “This’ll be great” Bruce sighed once they’d caught sight of the room of light-up vests with attached laser guns.

“Rules,” a middle-aged man who looked like he’d given up on life, walked into the room with a clipboard in hand “No Running, No Physical Contact, Hold Laser with Both Hands, No Climbing, Players must be careful when manoeuvring around interior arena walls, Please let us know if any of your guests suffer from the following: Asthma, epilepsy or suffer from seizures caused by fog or strobe lights.”

Everyone was quiet for a second before Steve quietly spoke up with a blush “I have asthma, sir.”

The worker took a pause and pondered for a moment, as though this had never happened in his whole 68 years of working there, “just… don’t start a fire alright?”

They all nodded in agreement, just happy that he’d been let in, and began to enter the massive room where the game was about to take place. “Right, so, let’s not rugby tackle people like you did last time,” Steve said and mostly directed it to Thor who smiled sheepishly “cause- err, there’s a kid, yeah, Riley, that’s it”

Bucky chuckled and picked up the fake laser gun as the lights began to darken, “let’s get this party started”

As soon as the words left his mouth, chaos ensured, young adults setting off running to find a place to set-up camp. As he wanted to be fast, Bucky quickly picked up Riley and began to run towards a pillar so he could hide behind it, so he’s able to get a good view of people.

“How does it work?” Riley whispered from the spot of her back pressed against his chest so she could also see and indicated towards the gun. “Gotta put your finger on the trigger” he instructed and took ahold of her index finger and brought it over to the weapon, placing the rest of her hand on the handle while her other one held the underneath of the top part, trying not to drop it.

The whole room was silent for a good 5 minutes before Bucky decided to make a move, taking hold of the collar of her jacket to gently pull her up with him. Not holding Riley’s hand as she would have ended up dropping the laser gun if she didn’t have two hands on it.

The two of them scouted out the place trying to be quiet so they didn’t get caught. Suddenly, making them jump, a loud zapping sounded in the distance, indicating that someone had found an enemy. He began to run away from the sound, after making sure his daughter was following and attempting to find somewhere to hide again but this time he didn’t find a deserted place.

“Aha!” Nat yelled and jumped out from behind a pillar while aiming the laser at Bucky’s chest. His panicked yelling and screaming filled the air as he made a run for it, completely forgetting about his teammate left behind and the rule “no running”. Suddenly, before he could brace himself his body went flying, his foot getting stuck on a stray shoe that belonged to Thor. At the same time Steve had jumped out, meaning to get the man in the chest, but instead Bucky had landed on him, using him to muffle the landing, earning an “ow man...” in return.

Bucky wanted to move, he really did, but he just couldn’t. He was in a trance, his and Steve’s baby blue eyes made eye contact, without knowing what he was doing, Steve’s body involuntarily leant up: closer to the younger man. His lips never looked more inviting, but all of a sudden a yell broke out in the room.

“Dad! Help! Nat nearly got me!”

The father scrambled up off the floor, his mind going a million miles an hour about what just happened and why it was wrong. He was his best friend. He should only see him as a friend.

Without meaning to, he ran away from him, not bothering to even spare Steve a second glance in search of his daughter, who was now cowered in one of the room's corners, trying not to get shot. Bucky chuckled slightly at the tactic and crossed the room, luckily not being noticed by Tony and Nat who were having a shoot off at each other from their opposite ends in the room.

“Nat nearly got you Ri’?”

“M’ yeah and you weren’t there.”

Guilt coursed through the mans veins as he remembered that he’d left her, but before his mind could go wondering to the events after it, he stopped himself, “sorry munchkin”

“Is’ okay, just don’t do it again dad”

He silently laughed at the sincerity in her voice and grabbed her hand to lead her away from the battle scene so they could get somebody else in the laser tag game. In quiet discussions they settled on Bruce, the one who was most likely to not be paying attention, and if he was it would still be easy to take aim without him seeing.

“Come on Ri, we got this.”

-

@donutloverxo @xolovegrace @rooskaya-yelena @deephideoutmilkshake @kidney9-9 @marvel-ous-hobbit @snarky--starky @rae-is-typing @stargazingfangirl18 @canadianhufflepuffavenger @herecomesthewriterwitch @every-marveler-ever

[reversecreek]

clicks onto the dash wearing kitten heels n coyly holding my bang....... hi. me again. it took me so long to select a gif to use on cricket’s intro n i settled on this one bc he looks so unsure abt his smile n it’s rly his essence <3 u can find his pinterest board here n his (work in progress) spotify playlist here. hmu to plot!!! 

* alex wolff, cis male + he/him | you know cricket donahue, right? they’re twenty-two, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of their life, on and off? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to should have known better by sufjan stevens like, a million times this year, which slipping on wet leaves to photograph a tree struck alight by lightning, delivering a tedtalk to your own reflection to hype yourself up to buy groceries, hiding your hands inside of your sleeves in case you grew an impromptu megan fox thumb overnight thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 1st, so they’re a libra, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her )

HISTORY:

cricket ws born to a couple tht lived in lilac ridge. their trailer was tucked closest to the woods n always fell under the shade. it was like the leaves wanted to pretend they were a perpetual hanging cloud on the family n that was kind of fitting. their only reason fr having him in the first place was a kind of shrugged like........... we’re under the income bracket we’d get child benefits so why not! may as well try it to rake in some extra cash! needless to say they didn’t rly think it thru or anticipate all of the responsibilities tht came w children n wound up seeing him as an extremely large burden n boy didn’t he know it!

(child neglect & abuse tw) i’ll try to keep this part vague n brief but things were Not Good for cricket growing up. people in lilac ridge didn’t like his parents n it was for a gd reason. he remembers foggy things. being little n wandering around combing the grass with a stick to search for wrappers to suck on bc he was hungry. feeling uneasy when the front door opened. finding out his name was cricket bc the insects used to crawl into their trailer thru the vents n his parents liked to squish them into the carpet -- his mum told him as much once. i think this says a lot. to excessively trim the fat of the story he wound up entering the system at around 8 after his latest and most serious hospital visit. his parents hd to deal w the authorities n last he heard they bounced to evade charges.

(anxiety & violence & trauma tw) cricket sustained a few lifelong injuries from his time in lilac ridge. his knee didn’t heal right which meant he had (n still has to this day) a limp n he’s partially deaf in one ear. he’s always been an incredibly insecure n anxious person so this mde him rly self conscious going into a strange n new environment tht wld b difficult fr any kid to adjust to, nvm w these added worries. he jst felt like something weird to ogle at honestly. he probably wld have felt like that no matter where he was or what he looked like. he cld be in a huge hall of 200 people all wearing the same uniform n he’d still feel like the odd one out. needless to say this didn’t rly help him make friends

cricket’s coping mechanisms were romanticising the things tht other people found ugly or embarrassing or painfully ordinary. he liked it when the rain hit clunky drops against school windows n forbid everyone from playing outside bc he could feel the vibrations through the rubber soles of his shoes n it was a little bit like hearing all of the world at once fr just a moment. he liked medieval fantasy lore about stout gnomes w crumbs in their beards n cheeks red from ale. he liked fallen nests with the remnants of hatched eggs still dirty from the branches n soil they’d hit on the way down. he liked the way the sunlight leaked thru the leaves of the trees in the woods and how, when he sat very still, he could tune into the ringing that was always in his ear n pretend it was coming from the same place, that light thru the leaves, that the angels were trying to talk to him.

he spent a lot of time in the red room at his high skl (i’m begging u this is not a 50 shades reference) (after googling i jst realised it’s called a darkroom bt i’m leaving this fr the sake of sexy bimbo authenticity) n felt quite at home in there. he borrowed a camera whenever he cld (maybe he did yearbook) n photography became his way of immortalising the world as the romanticised version he wanted it to be. his memories were bad bt his photos were beautiful. maybe if he took enough they’d paste over n bleed into each other. maybe bad cld be replaced w beautiful if he tried his very best.

he got placed into fostering w a family once bt apparently didn’t meet the vibe check of their tastes so he wound up returning to the group home he’d initially been placed in. overall this is where he grew up n he aged out the system rather than getting adopted. there was a sense of floundering/isolation/not feeling gd enough in tht bt cricket made do the best he knew how. 

that said there were some gd points! (shocking i kno bc his life hs been so fking bleak so far bt please it’s ok........) (is it?) (🤔). basically he interned as an assistant at this local photography studio during high skl working under this kind of whimsical yet endearing old man. suspected wizard possibly in cricket’s eyes, as an avid fantasy genre reader. for one of his bdays said old man / his boss bought him his very own film camera n cricket cried bc he’d never been bought a bday gift. this ws rly embarrassing bc this old man didn’t know how to emote n neither did cricket so he ws jst sort of sat wiping his eyes n sniffling saying he wasn’t crying as the old man pretended to suddenly clean his lenses. when cricket graduated he offered him a full time position there. they do like. wedding photographs n family portraits n all kinds of things...... pay isn’t huge bt it’s something n he Loves taking photos so it’s sexy <3

PERSONALITY:

SUCH an anxious person it’s actually unreal. overthinks absolutely everything he’s ever said. one morning he might hv put green socks on n for the rest of the day he’s nervously looking around like omggggggg they’re all looking at my socks probably thinking im a little green sock boy thinking i’m a fool n a jester this is all everyone’s probably thinking about i hv to hide my green socks..... even tho literally no-one cares

once saw a girl eating a chicken wing n in his head was like ok she likes chicken good future gift idea..... n turned up at her house with an entire rotisserie chicken

probably thinks WAY too hard abt what to write in bday cards n googles like generic ideas that he can use.... u open a card from cricket n it always says smthn weird like “Warmest wishes and love on your birthday and always!” or “You deserve everything happy. Wishing you that all year long!” tht he got off google

nervously fiddles w things a lot. literally anything. his hair. the cuffs of his sleeves. a thread on his bag. u name it

struggles w eye contact sometimes............ it’s like. he wants to talk to ppl n make friends bt he’s honestly so bad at it. he’s fumbling thru life like a nervous headless chicken

ALWAYS has his camera on him. like always. will tke a photo of u bc he thinks u look nice then be like im so sorry im so sorry...... bowing his head shakily holding his camera bc he doesn’t even kno what possessed him he jst thought it’d be a nice photograph bt boundaries exist. probably breathes very heavily over this later in his room panicking thinking he nw seems like hannibal lecter

probably more confident online bc he has time to think abt what he says more.......... i can see him hving a group of online friends tht he’s more confident w. honestly he’s pretty witty at heart he jst has a hard time verbalising things so ppl overlook him sometimes bt once u get to know him more / he’s more comfy he can b a funny little man.....

loves photographs where he cuts something out of them. loves missing spaces n voids. thinks it’s a rly interesting concept when something that isn’t there becomes the focus of a photograph where everything else is. probably loses his mind fr a collage like a front row 1d stan. likes experimenting w light n perception. pretty artistic honestly hs probably made a stop motion film in the past bc that’s just an extended form of photography in his mind bt i doubt he showed anyone

ummm...... very sweet bt like. he reminds me a lot of this quote. “he had the awkward tenderness of someone who has never been loved and is forced to improvise.” feel like tht sums him up quite nicely

WANTED CONNECTIONS

someone he met at a wedding: cricket probably ws forced to photograph a wedding fr his boss one time n it cld b interesting as a place to meet from that....... like. i can imagine either it being rly awkward maybe he accidentally spilled a drink on ur muse n was stuttering rly apologetic n it ws just a train wreck. or mayb they took pity on him or even (in a shocking turn of events) a shine to him n invited him to drink n dance. omgggg the thought of cricket trying to dance makes me wna die n probably mkes cricket wna hyperventilate bt idk maybe he went wild n let loose. mayb they wound up damaging the camera somehow. mayb they had to scramble to get another one n ur muse covered the cost n it was a strange late night excursion tht cricket thought about a lot since. cricket probably vowed to pay them bk somehow no matter what. idk. we can work things out. lots of diff options here. doesn’t have to b a wedding either can b any event tht required a photographer

ppl he went to school w: pretty self explanatory i suppose...... maybe they were frm completely different worlds..... mayb ur muse was popular n cricket was definitely not but they got paired fr an assignment n had to work on a project together....... mayb cricket asked ur muse on a date one time n it was completely embarrassing bc he didn’t realise they had a bf n it haunts cricket at night still bc he’s rly dramatic.... mayb ur muse felt sry fr him n ate lunch w him n inducted him into their group like a lost puppy finding a home.... world’s our oyster

neighbours from his brief time at lilac ridge: not to reference taylor swift but i’m gna reference taylor swift n say we cld do a seven inspired plot here. sighs a little..... then sighs a lot. he was here ages 0-8 so idk. we cld work out childhood plots perhaps....

sickening simp: i mean.............. cricket probably gets crushes on ppl so easily like just. anyone who’s the slightest bit nice to him.................. he’s a disgrace. ok i take it back. bt also please get it together freak............... i didn’t say that. he’d probably b extra nice to this person n try n pay close attention to things they liked so he cld get them little gifts. just a bit embarrassing n lovestruck bless his heart. wldn’t expect anything back tho honestly that just isn’t something he tends to do.

let’s go gays: cricket’s bi but he probably was rly in his head abt liking boys n tried to sort of squash it internally during his younger yrs...... i think he’s more comfy w it now MAYBE idk bt back then i picture him having a friend tht ws kind of like. similarly loserish as him perhaps (no offence to ur muse potentially filling this plot or cricket bt let’s face the facts) n they’d hang out n play games a lot n one time it jst kind of happened n he was like............. *struts in looking around sharply* What going on here? except not. bc it’s cricket. more like *shambles in looking around anxiously* What’s, uh... What’s... the happenings? S--... I’m sorry. (immediate apology for saying what’s the happenings bc nobody talks like that n it was an impulsive panic bc he didn’t know what else to say)

those who grew up in the system w him: maybe at the group home or i’d also like the family that fostered him n said sayonara. honestly i imagine the parents just thought he ws a bit too much of a handful / had too much baggage which is rly quite merciless n terrible but. if u think that aligns w ur muses home situation hmu......

um. can’t think of more bt just anything honestly. jst go wild.......

[psychedelicharrie]

Orange Scarf

HI EVERYONE! This is my first fic ever so i am really excited and really nervous as well. English isn’t my first language so it probably has a lot of grammar mistakes, so, i apologize in advance.  Feel free to give me some feedback but just go easy on me :c I really really really hope you like it!

You’re a fan and Harry helps you out when you have an anxiety attack at a party OR

You love the 70s’ so does Harry you talk for hours about it and get drunk OR

You have social anxiety and Harry totally gets it = Harry and Y/N being vulnerable about friendship.

Warnings: mention of drugs and alcohol

The distant sound of the music coming out of the building filled your ears while you just hide behind your friend waiting to come inside, the cold air filled your lungs as you breathe hoping the anxiety fades away eventually.  You were everything but excited about this party but your friend thought it was a great idea to assist; she was really looking forward to it so you decided to make her company instantly regretting it as soon as you enter the huge room. Honestly what’s so excited about a load of rich stranger people who doesn’t know you at all? you hated in there, just the thought of having to talk to these random people so you don’t die of boredom makes you dizzy and it makes you mad the fact that you really try to interact with people and to fit in in your popular friend’s lifestyle but you just physically can´t.

As soon as you both entered the club some girl approaches to Lara, your friend, and you knew that was it, they started to talk and laugh and eventually she’s going to forget about your shy ass and your whole existence at least for the night. You walked following your friend and hers just in front of you, exanimating the people around you trying not to ask for help but subconsciously wanting to. You got to a table, Lara hugs and greats all of her old friends while you just shake their hand trying to avoid any kind of eye contact, you sat down heavily breathing as you thought about the fastest way out of this situation; get drunk. You started drinking hoping you may actually get the nerve to be part of their conversation.

As some people say; time flies when you’re trying to get as drunk as you can be. After a couple hours the table runs out of beer and you offer yourself to go and get some “I’ll go with you” surprisingly Lara said “I need to pee” she added giggling, the alcohol has already made an effect on her, lucky bastard, right?

.  Your way to the bathroom was harder that you expected, it was incredible the amount of people in that place, you kept your gaze down trying not to trip over or step on someone as your friend pulls your hand guiding you so you don’t get lost, you could barely see where you were going, it was so difficult to breathe as well and your short height didn’t help you at all. When you look up to get some air and to spot the bathroom sign making sure you’re not going in the wrong direction you walk into someone.

“I’m sorry” You hardly heard a deep voice behind you, you turned around to answer but the only thing you saw was two big emerald eyes turning away. It hits you, you knew those eyes, you knew that voice, that’s the same voice you’ve been listening to for the last 8 years of your life.

“H-Harry” you say out of breath as soon as you and your friend entered into the bathroom “what did he do this time?”  Your friend mocked rolling her eyes kind of tired of every update you tell her about. “No, I mean Harry, I saw Harry” you answered as she closed the toilet cubicle.

It was quite embarrassing admitting that a 22 year old woman stills obsessed with the artists she used to love when she was 15, but most of the time you didn’t care, everyone knows you like “the girl who loves Harry Styles” and it felt good at least being known for something and you were sure growing up with him was one of the most beautiful things that has ever happened to you, he was a really important part of your life and you liked that.

“Harry like in Harry Styles?” she said as she flushed the toilet getting out, you no looked at her nodding “I told you not to smoke before, dear” Lara said as she washed her hands to go out and get the beer you promised to her friends. “Must be that” you say to yourself before following her outside the bathroom on her way to the bar.  You didn’t felt high anymore and unlike Lara you were not even drunk, you were so focused on your thoughts while waiting on the line of the bar that you almost didn’t realized when she left to say hi to a friend of hers disappearing into the crowd. “Shit” you babble knowing she won’t return, as she always does.

“Nice hair” a voice behind you interrupted your panic thoughts about Lara leaving you helpless at that awful party “Pretty much like Farrah Fawcett’s” he continued as your turned around to face him. If your friend leaving you wasn’t enough for your anxiety attack, you had Harry fucking Styles just in front of you not only talking to you but complementing your hair. “Thanks, I grow it myself” you joked trying to avoid the fact that you were crying inside. He chuckled shooking his head “That was a bad joke even to me but I’ll let it slide ‘cause I really like your scarf” he said pointing at the deep orange scarf on your neck.

Following his gesture you looked at your scarf and smile “it’s like you’re out of a retro movie that’s nice” he continued but the only thing you could do was looking at him mesmerized totally forgetting how to speak.

“um, it’s your turn love” he mentioned, with the most beautiful smile on his face, pointing at the bartender who’s waiting for you to order, “oh shit” you mumble to yourself, by this point you totally forgot what on earth will you ask for, so you just ask for two beers; one for Lara and one for you, you reach for your wallet feeling the pressure of the barman and the people on the line behind you, but your head was a mess, your purse was a mess, even your hands were a mess.

“Thought you came alone” Harry spoke again making you realize he was already handing his card to the guy grabbing his own beer and one of yours in one hand, placing his free hand on your lower back barely touching so you move a little giving space for the rest of the people to order their drinks, thank god you would never move otherwise, he takes his card and thanks the bartender smiling at him.

“Thank you, let me pay you for my stuff, I’m so-“you say feeling your face burning and your heart beating fast. “No, no it’s okay, it’s on me” Harry said smiling at you looking deep into your eyes.

“I’m Harry by the way” he introduced himself letting his dimple free “Hi, I’m Y/N, so nice to meet you” you respond shyly “So…who’s the owner of this beer?” you totally forgot about Lara at that moment “oh it’s for my friend, she should come back at any moment” you say trying to find her between all that people, you checked your phone quickly and saw zero messages or calls from her, you turned to smile at Harry but couldn’t help feeling your hands getting sweaty and your heart beat increasing even more now.

“Guess we’ll wait” he adds getting a sip of his beer. “Oh, don’t mind me, you can go, your friends are probably waiting for you” you sincerely say trying not to be a bother

“Well, actually I came with a guy who I barely know, great lad, just didn’t feel like staying alone on a hotel room again you know?” You were trying your best to actually pay attention to him but seeing all those strangers and no trail of your only friend made you feel dizzy and even tho you were trying you just couldn’t connect any word, your ears started to buzz and you felt your head spinning, suddenly the room became smaller and the music even louder.

“You alright, love?” he must have noticed it because his smile abruptly changed into a concerned look. You didn’t want to tell him, what would he think? “oh yeah I’m having an anxiety attack because I can’t find my friend like a 5 years old not finding her mom in the supermarket” that’s just stupid, you thought, you just needed to get out.

“You look pale, do you need something?” the feeling of suffocation at that moment just was too much that you just had to tell him. “I-I need some air, like um I feel I can’t breathe” He rushes to look around trying to find some door or something “come with me” he holds your hand guiding you somewhere you didn’t even know, you follow his lead avoiding some people on your way until you finally spot a big gray door with an emergency exit only sign, Harry opens the door for you to get out walking just behind you.

You took a big breath trying to settle down your breathing* “May I?” Harry ask grabbing gently the knot of your scarf, you nodded “it will help you to breathe better” he says quietly taking it off.

After some deep breathes you started to feel better, you looked around and I was a beautiful quiet place, a sort of unfinished big terrace or back patio with some old cushions with blankets on them and dusty lamps. The silence of the night calming your ears, the cool air tickling your skin and Harry’s concerned gaze, weirdly, made you safe “I’m better now, thank you so much” you say quietly taking a sip of your beer.

“Not a problem love” he smiles at you before walking towards a cushion taking the blanket off making a gesture for you to sit down following you after. “Wanna talk about it?” You sighed deeply looking at your bottle “I-don’t laugh about it.. I don’t like crowed places they make me feel suffocated, even less being alone and well, my best friend never came back I just.. it might sound silly but I felt scared” He never stopped looking at you, when you faced him you could notice he was genuinely worried about you, he wanted just a couple of seconds making sure you have finished.

“It’s not silly at all, don’t say that” he says “Being on your own is always such a vulnerable state and being surrounded by a bunch of people that you don’t know might be really frightening, I get it, and that’s something you can’t control” he continues calming you down a little     “I’m really sorry about your friend, ‘m sure she’s gonna come back soon”

“I just hate it, you know? Like I’m always there for her and she doesn’t even care about me when I need her the most, she’s my only friend and it’s like I’m invisible” you let out trying not to cry. ”Yeah I know that feeling, like being unnecessary” he said staring at you.

You looked at him hardly believing what he was saying “yeah, sure” you scoffed “you’re Harry Styles you must be surrounded by people” he looked at you in silence with a smirk on his face for a couple of seconds “you don’t need to be isolated to feel lonely, darling” you looked away quite embarrassed of your comment.

“When was the last time you felt alone?” you timidly asked trying to break the tension.  “um…” He looks at his cellphone “…just about four hours ago” he said giving you a warm smile.

“This friend of mine offered me to show me the city but, i-I don’t know” he stuttered  “it’s really hard for me to tell when people genuinely enjoy my company or  just like being around a …celebrity, God I hate that word” he says taking another sip of his drink “I really struggle with that, I try to go out with different people but I feel always so self-conscious about it”.

You kept looking at him as he talked, feeling petty for him, must be hard to know who your friends really are being in his place. “I’m so sorry to hear that” that’s all that came out of your mouth.

You both drink of your beer enjoying the comfortable silence “how lame are we? Talking about our depressing social life in a party, huh?”  You burst into laugh making him giggle “what are we like 50?” he adds laughing about it

“I mean, on your defense, you kinda dress like a 50 years old man” you said with a squeaky voice “Hey, hey, you’re the one who’s wearing a Linda Ronstandt tee, who listens to her now days?” he teases you “uhm excuse me? She has one of the greatest female voices of the last century FYI”  he completely ignores that and suddenly started to sing the chorus of  you’re not good with such an emotion on his face that made you giggle as you sang with him.

“I just realized we’re out of alcohol, I’ll be right back” he said tapping on your knee before getting up. After a couple minutes he came back with messy hair, a bottle of Jack Daniel’s in one hand, two glasses on the other and you just realized he was wearing your scarf fitting perfectly, you never thought he would rock orange as he did.

“wha- where did you get that?”  you cried out laughing at him dancing whilst walking forward to your seat “I just walked to the barman and said hey yo, pass me the bottle” he mocks pouring the liquor into the glasses “I felt like Hendrix baby” he smiles at you showing his dimples as he handed you a glass.

You kept talking for hours, drinking and laughing, who would actually not enjoy of his company? Whatever it was a bad joke or a really deep thought it always caught out of guard letting you speechless or out of breath. It made you feel so bad for him, he never should feel such an awful thing as loneliness, he was truly caring, funny and thoughtful he totally deserved to be loved but most important he deserved to felt loved.

“Yeah, yeah, big fan and all but do you prefer Fleetwood Mac with or without Stevie?” he said completely serious as you were trying to decide what Fleetwood Mac song you should listen to next. “I mean, bare trees is such amazing album“  he gasped at this “BUT Stevie totally took them to the top making them as great as they are” you said before he could even complain “I was literally about to leave, Jesus” he said in a relief, you both giggle enjoy everywhere in the background.

It’s been three hours of you chatting, giggling and drinking you just couldn’t help but feeling tipsy and mesmerized by him “you know? Anyone would be so lucky to have you around, you’re a great company, and I mean it” you said staring at him.

“Are you saying you’re just the luckiest woman in the world?” he mocked leaning forward to touch the tip of your nose with his index finger. You could smell the alcohol in his breath. Your gazed followed his lips just before glance a little bit lower just where your scarf was hanging on his strong neck.

“It fits you pretty well, better than me I might say” you said making a knot on the scarf wrapping softly his neck with it. “You should keep it, something to remember me by”

[meowtastrophe]

to my eight-yr-old self

How are you?

Well, it’s the year 2018 and I have to say --no, we don’t have flying cars yet. Well, we still have aeroplanes if you count that as a flying car-- you’ve come far. Who knows you are able to keep your life till now, right?

No, you are not taking HRM because you are not in college. 

No, you did not slack off and had to repeat high school or something. 

No, you did not stop school. 

The curriculum just kind of changed haha. The DepEd decided to add 2 more years in our high school so you are now in grade 12. It’s not too bad, don’t worry. Over the years you’ll realise that you want to keep studying so upon learning about the change, you were actually quite glad about it. 

You’ll be graduating this year so just hang in there. I still remember that ‘to my 18-yr-old letter’ you wrote me--on the diary of wimpy kid thingy--back in Grade 3. You asked me that I should take the Hotel and Restaurant Management course no matter what. Well... you kinda took a different path. In seniour high--that’s what they call the grades 11&12-- you have to choose from these 3 tracks: 

STEM, which includes sciences, technology, engineering, mathematics and all that hard stuff;

HUMSS, which is Humanities and Social Sciences, and;

 ABM, which is the one you expect me to take because it’s all about Business. 

Guess, what? You took the second one HAHAHAHA. 

What happened? 

A lot had happened, actually. Let’s breeze over it:

In grade 3, you got your period. 

     You got home from school and went straight to the comfort room as usual. When you pulled down your underwear--there, it surprised you. BLOOD. You absolutely had no idea what the heck was that. You thought at that very moment that you about to die. Mom went abroad when you were at a young age so she never got to teach you these things.  Don’t worry though because luckily, mom’s on vacation that day so she was there to guide you the essentials. You did not know how to use a pad. You opened it and well... kept on ‘opening’ it. You kept peeling the outer layer to a neverending pad of cotton. Mom saw your struggle but she just chuckled and gave you a new one. 

In grade 4, you didn’t have friend yet 

      But, you were hanging in there. Nothing happened here, really. You were still adjusting and did not have a permanent friend yet. You just watched anime, edited pictures in photoshop, and all that. You were still very very very shy around this time. You couldn’t speak at all. You were one of the quietest people in the school. You had a very bad social anxiety. You were still discovering yourself. But you hanged in there. 

In grade 5, you met Y, became friends with her and; 

      You left home. This one greedy sister of your grandmother of yours (mom side), let’s call her L, took your childhood home. You still remember what she told you “che, e ate jemima mu naman neh.’’ And I still remember how baffled you were. On how she pulled out the barangay card and showed up in front of our (you and l) home with barangay officials for some reason. On how you thought “wait what? why are getting our home? aren’t you guys rich? you have a backyard pool for christ’s sake. ate jemima’s life--your guys’ life--is so much better than us. what need does she have in our home? why ours? where will we go now?”. Fortunately you found a house near-- literally in front-- of your cousin’s (dad side) house. You tried living there. This is just the start.

In grade 6, you are still best friends with Y. However;

      It was not like before. Your dad started neglecting you more. He got depressed. But of course, you did not know that at a young age. He wouldn’t go to the house for days and leave you with no money nor food. You liked going to school because it distracted you but there were times where your dad didn’t let you go to school even if you are all dressed up because he’d go to the house drunk in the morning so he’d rather catch up on sleep rather than dropping you to school. There was even a time where you guys fought and ignored each other for a month or two and that’s where you felt alone the most. You felt like even your aunt, uncle, and cousins parallel to your house were avoiding you--which you were certain they did--so you didn’t have anyone. You were glad that you were on your school break and you didn’t have to worry about not being able to go to school with all that is happening. Most of the time, you’d have no food to eat. Your electricity was cut and you’d steal from your neighbour’s. You also won’t have any drop of water. It was no different from being homeless except, you just somehow found a long-time roof.

      It’s not all that bad though because you got to live the simple life. It was fun in a sense that since you did not and could not get everything, the littlest things were enough to make you--everyone in the family--happy.  You learned to appreciate the smallest of things. You learned how hard it so to not be able to eat a meal 3 times a day so it’s very hard for you to leave a single grain of rice on your place and you'd accept any food offered to you at the present. You learned how to live through the struggle you faced... for a short while at least. 

    Then you snitched on your dad to your mom.

In grade 7, high school came, you were not classmates with Y and; 

     You did not live with your dad. After graduating from grade school, you moved to San Fernando to live with your grandfather (mom side). You also lived with his girlfriend, let’s call her M, and M’s daughter, let’s call her N. The first few months were quite alright. They took good care of you. Made you breakfast and all that. At one point, however, everything went south and you don’t know when and how. M just managed to break you mentally. Pour salt on the already existing--but small-- wound. Well, I guess it was our (you and I's) fault. This was your first time living in with other people. You got used to relying on others. You were not used to doing chores and all that because you never had to do that back at home and at the house. M would compare you to N. Grandfather would turn a blind eye on the situation-- not seeing or hearing anything. M mentioned on how she now understands as to why your dad neglected you. As to why he doesn't like you. That hit you hard. You started blaming yourself for everything. You realized how useless you were. You started thinking that no one loves you... not even your dad. You felt much more alone.

     You regretted snitching on your dad. 

In grade 8, you met A and she helped you a lot. 

     Things got worse. You hated yourself more. You did unimaginable things; such as the vice of slice and trying to kick the bucket. However, A was there. That person’s presence comforted you. Because of that person, breath still leaves your mouth. What happened to Y? She had other groups of friends haha. It’s not her fault though. Don’t blame her. She has her own life. She has the right to choose who to befriend and who to hang out with. She was liked by people so it’s not her fault that she drifted away from you for a while. It was all fine because, at the very least, A was there. Also, around November, you moved to the house your grandmother (mom side) worked hard for. The house was much better than home but it did not still felt like home. You started living with your dad and grandfather. M went abroad and N lived with her grandmother. 

In grade 9, you were not classmates with A.

      You felt A, too, slowly drifting away from you. You felt like she didn’t want to hang out with you anymore and you thought to yourself ‘well no one ever sticks to me. not even my dad so I understand’. So you took the initiative to leave her alone. You also did not blame her and thought that same as you did to Y. And Y, well, was still living her own life but you guys are still friends. But you had a change in a group of friends too. You befriended some people in your classroom and, though it was just short-term, they were enough to fill the void of loneliness. 

In grade 10, you thought everything is finally going well.

     Until your grandfather was the one who neglected this time. He was the one in charge of the finances at the house but he used them for his vices. He did not get to pay for the house for 3 months and naturally, my grandmother got mad. She asked for my grandfather to leave and he did. My dad, this time, was determined to change and redeem himself. We both thought that he’s going to be handling the money but guess what, L--yes, that L-- was the one put in charge. My grandmother's mind was clouded. She became one of those feminists who thinks ‘men are trash’ or something. Since L lives in the same subdivision as ours she was the most convenient choice. Soon after, they also asked dad to leave the house. You got separated again, for the second time. You lived alone in the house. You would go to L’s house for meals but you still lived alone in the house. You got compared, again, to Jemima, her daughter. Well, you have always been compared to her. You are connected to her because you grew up with her. When our family sees you, they always ask you about her. About how and where she is. If she's doing fine. They never asked me tho. She was an extrovert so she had more friends, much more sociable, the family likes her more for she is much more approachable, she's much more famous, famous enough for the city to know her, and she is prettier. You cannot forget the time when Jemima had food leftovers and L was like ‘don’t you want to eat it? so that become pretty like her’.

     Around this time was also your saddest birthday. It was your sweet 16th. You did not have a huge celebration because you just planned to treat your friends. Mother sent you money, your dad gave it to you, and then that's it. However, I was alone that day. You don't know where but some reason dad wasn't there. The house was literally empty. You actually tried contacting your friends prior to the day: Y, K, and A. Yes, only 3, you're quiet picky with the people you get close with. But, they couldn't make it. Your birthday is in summer so they all have their plans. Enjoying their vacation and all that. Living their life. No one could come. And then,

     3 days later, A came to the house. Carrying McDonald's and a small cake. You... I never felt so appreciated then.

In grade 11, mom went home.

     My grandfather died due to stroke so mom had to go home. She asked dad to stay in the house for a while because he was a pretty convenient errand boy. But what’s the point of errands when you don’t have money? L was holding the money. She is a busy girl, you know. That’s why mom was having a hard time whenever she needed money because L always didn’t have the time. So Mom just asked for the card, where the money is, so there won’t be any difficulties. But L didn’t want to give it and was like ‘don’t worry, your money is safe with me’. And we were all left dumbfounded. 

   Everything changed since then. 

What changed? 

Mom put you in charge of the finances but since you were busy with school and everything, you passed the torch to my dad. My mom and grandmother let dad live with you because if not, you will be alone again. You have been living peacefully since then. And now, you are writing this blog. 

So why did I take HUMSS instead of ABM? Around grade 8, I realized that I wanted to be a psychologist. Maybe because that is what I needed the most that time. I wanted to become what I needed. At the same time, I thought I wanted to help those who were struggling like me but I realized that I just wanted to learn how to help myself. Since everyone would just leave me eventually, I wanted to learn how to take care of myself. That’s why you took interest in psychology. And over time while diving deeper into the field, I got fascinated by other mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, psychopathy, and likewise. I took interest in the mind of criminals and now, I am now aiming to become a forensic psychologist. 

This may change again, though. Everything changes. Decisions are not absolute and that is fine. Just like what happened in the past years, you’ll never know what will happen. One day it’s like this and the next thing you know everything is going downhill. But do not worry about it because that doesn’t matter. You cannot control the situation and the things happening around you. You cannot defy the natural flow of things. What you can control, however, are your emotions. You can control how you react to things. It may be easier to be said than done but it helps a lot. How you approach the things being thrown at you will help you mentally. Just keep your composure and let the time pass. Focus at the very moment. At what is in front of you. Worry about the future later when it’s the next one on the plate. Your current challenge right now is writing this blog and you should you just focus on it. But make sure that whenever you do something, do your very best on it. You just can’t do things just because you have to. Since that should be the only worry you have, give your all to it. 

Do not worry about the future. About what you want to do for the rest of your life because you have the rest of your life to figure that out. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #170

this one’s a few days old and am just getting to posting it. don’t feel like rereading to change some old answers tho.

Do you tell your best friend everything? What might you omit? If she asked about a subject, I'd tell her. I wouldn't just be like "hey here's a little factoid I don't like talking about." Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Yes. In your current or most recent romantic relationship, do/did you feel as though one of you settled? Not at all. What did your ex (or one of your exes) consider to be a dealbreaker in you? My depression. What seemingly small change have you made to improve your life this year? More drive to be an adult. Make the decision to try as hard as mentally possible to be more open about myself and not so scared of being found as "too weird." Does anyone in your family suffer from mental illness or substance abuse? Don't get me started on the first. I only know of my dad being a recovered alcoholic. What is the biggest gap in your employment history? How did/will you explain it to future employers? 0-19ish. Wasn't in the mental state to. Is there any part of your sexual/romantic history that you have not told your current significant other about or that you will not tell future partners about? She knows a lot. There's just one thing I'm not comfortable talking about yet. There's nothing I absolutely won't tell at any point - if you're in a serious relationship, they have the right to know. Has anyone ever tried to change your mind about something very personal, such as religion or wanting children? Children, yes. Colleen especially was convinced I was going to change my mind to an annoying degree. People have pushed me being a vet a whole lot, too. Do you ever hear about old school friends? Where are you high school friends now? Well, through FB. Most have stable jobs, some are extremely intelligent students headed towards amazing careers, some are parents. Most fell off the face of the earth. What is the most fun you can remember ever having under the influence? Cards Against Humanity. Has your Facebook relationship status ever been set to 'it’s complicated’? Why? Nooooo, and I seriously wish that option didn't even exist. Drama bait, whether intentional or not. What is the most beautiful/interesting name that you’ve ever personally known someone to have? Alon. Have you ever developed feelings for someone whose sexual orientation was incompatible with yours? Yes. How many relationships have you been in that actually got sexual? One. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost? Me?????????????? At a party?????????????????????? What is your strongest sense? Maybe you don't count this because it's not a "real" sense, but I would say I have an incredibly strong "sixth sense" of just knowing when something is wrong, even with people I don't know well. I pick up bad emotions easily. But if you're just talking sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell, I suppose smell? Or taste. Could be why I'm so picky. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child? There is NO telling. I believed some wild shit. HAHAHA OH MY GOD WAIT NO I BELIEVED I HAD "ANIMAL POWERS" UNTIL THE END OF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Like, I could go into a "mode" where I had capabilities like those in certain animals, like with kangaroo powers, I could jump higher. God that was so embarrassing to write jfc what the fuck was I on. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know? Mom. She gives food, water, and sometimes money to homeless people she trusts as actually being without a home. There are two or three people she's actually "friends" with. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on? A V O I D What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? I make situations awkward. Just social anxiety in general. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? Okay, so I don't think I believe in angels, and I'm 99% sure this was a dream by now. But once as a little kid, I have a *very* strong memory of getting out of bed and going outside because I felt I needed to see something, and two swans came to the porch, turning into my grampa and favorite cat that had died. Then I went back inside, and that's all I remember. Still to this day that shit didn't feel like a dream, but. It probably was. What do you think about more than anything else? The future. What’s your all-time favorite town or city? Why? I dunno. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be? The friendship with Megan. Do you Skype? With Sara. Have you ever called anyone ‘bro’ other than your actual brother? I'll call p much anyone that. Have you ever blocked someone on MySpace before? Maybe? What is the best kind of pizza in your opinion? Pan meat lovers omfg. Stick with jalapeno tho with trying to at least lean towards vegetarianism. Is there something that someone has done to you that you cannot forgive? Eh... I think I've forgiven him. Do you scream at scary parts in a horror flick? No. What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? No. Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. How do you feel about weed? I'm totally for it medicinally. Helps with too many things. Otherwise, for reasons I've said in many old surveys, I don't believe it should be smoked. We already complain enough about cigarettes and lung cancer. How many people have you kissed that you weren’t dating? None. Who was the last person that ditched you? How did you react? Mini, I guess. Was hurt as fuck for years until I recently confronted her, and we're cool now. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt is like... my only male friend besides Dad. What size are the pants you’re wearing? Large, probably? Were you a fan of Michael Jackson before he died? I went neither way. Liked some songs, didn't like some, no opinion on others. Can you spot constellations in the night sky? Only the Big or Little Dipper. I dunno the difference. What kind of shampoo did you last use? I dunno exactly. Mom just put some in a smaller, nameless bottle for while I'm at Sara's. It's probably Suave, though. If you had a hippie bus, what would it look like? Gimme all the peace signs and trippy patterns. Have you ever hitchhiked? No. Would you rather hike a mountain or explore a cave? EXPLORE A CAVE BITCH Would you rather wear a flower crown or veil? For my wedding, probably a veil. I can't see a flower crown going with a (probably) black dress lmao. Do you go barefoot often? I'm always barefoot in the house, but outside, I always have shoes. What is your favorite thing to get high off of? N/A What type of tattoo do you want? Most of the ones I want hold personal meaning. There's few I want to get for solely aesthetic purposes. What is your favorite insect? Butterflies. Favorite constellation? *shrug* Beach wedding, forest wedding, or English countryside wedding? Forest! Does pineapple belong on pizza? NO. Do you have any big plans for November? No. What upcoming event are you most looking forward to? Christmas. I doubt Halloween's gonna be anything I'd like it to be. What was the last song you heard? "Letter" by Mother Mother is on. Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone? HAHAHAHA NO. How many days a week do you work? N/A Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others? Sara and Mom. Where did your eye color come from? Mom's dad had blue eyes, I think. Have you ever been in a recording studio? No. What is your worst relationship quality? I'm paranoid. I'm that "do you still like me?" person after marriage, I'm sure. What was your most recent serious injury? Does sun poisoning from Hell itself count? When was the last time you baked something for someone? Never lmao. Would you rather be kissed on the neck or on the lips? I mean it depends on the mood. What is one thing you’re not looking forward to in the next week? I'm going home Wednesday. Would you consider Christmas your favorite holiday? Second-fave. How many chances do you normally give someone before giving up on them? Way too fucking many. But it also depends on the offense and person. Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Yeah. Are you for or against inter-racial relationships? Totally for. Would you say you’re more of a pessimist or optimist? I'm definitely a realist, but if I had to pick, I lean more towards pessimism. Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? No. When the holidays come around, do you watch holiday movies? Not really. Would you say you’re a friendly person or not so much? I think I'm very friendly, just shy and awkward socially. When was the last time you ate something from Burger King? LEMME TELL YOU THIS SHIT. Months ago, I went for a veggie burger. THESE. IDIOTS. Put all the normal shit BUT NO PATTY IN A FUCKING BUN. WHEN THEY HAVE ACTUAL VEGGIE PATTIES. We waited forever, so Mom was already in a bad mood. She went in and the manager was livid; she gave us a free drink and fries. BUT, the burger fucking sucked, it was so overcooked. Sooo that was fun. When someone mentions a song, does it make you wanna listen to it? Rarely if it's a song I don't know, unless I like the artist. Song title may interest me, too. Who is the nosiest person you know? Do you like them anyways? BITCH ME. Are you one of those people who like The Nightmare Before Christmas? Okay so, I first watched it in school and I didn't like it at all. Then I started loving it??? I have like sooo much Jack stuff. What’s the best food to have at a sleepover? Pizza! Do you like the yellow Cheetos better or the orange ones? You mean normal or hot? Gimme them spicy boiz. Do you know anybody with different colored eyes? No. Are any of your relatives vets? Don't believe so. Who cleans the most in your house? Mom. I really need to do it more. Do you own any shirts that cost over 100$? Jfc no. What about any shoes? Do you think that’s a lot of money for clothes? No, and obviously. What’s the movie theater in your town called? Uhhh I think Cinemax? How many minutes do you consider late? Over five. What kinds of food do you dunk into milk? Some cookies. Do you have any current or past teachers on your Facebook friends? No. Are there any baby pictures of you up? On FB? No. Do you have any friends who have bleached blonde hair? Maybe Alon still does, idk. Are you wearing any jewelry that a boyfriend/girlfriend gave you? No. Have you ever seen the last person you kissed cry? Yeah. What’s the last thing you were excited to eat? A donut sobs. Who's the most romantic person you ever went out with? I dunno... none were/are like especially romantic. Is there anything hanging from the ceiling in your room? Some Pyramid Head gift tags, a stuffed fae dragon from WoW, and a cool lantern. Have you ever seen the last person you hugged dressed up fancy? Not in person, but in pictures. (If your parents married), Do you know where they got engaged? No. What was the last picture you printed of? The reference I made of my tattoo for the artist. What restaurant has the best fries? Bojangle's the Queen. What does your mailbox look like? Just a basic black one. Have you ever gotten something stuck on the roof? Probs as a kid. Does your computer make a lot of noise? Not really. Unless it's overheating. Who did you last drink or smoke up with? Mom and Sara. How many board games do you own? Idk, there's just a few in a cabinet in the living room. What does your BIGGEST mug look like? We don't have any really big ones. Newest musical discovery? I really love Powerwolf. Last thing you cleaned? Clothes. What exactly do you carry around all your stuff in? Purse. What do you carry around, typically? Phone, iPod, wallet, hand sanitizer, keys... Where is your newest scar? There's still a little scab on the bottom of my tat from heavy shading, but it's almost healed. If you mean like, "real" scar, cat scratch on my right hand. Where is your oldest scar? Ummm probably this random one on the top of my right wrist. No clue where it came from, been there for years. Last thing you disposed of? A bottle, I think? Are you good at recovering from injuries? I dunno. How many different public restrooms have you used this week? I think just one, at the reptile convention. Do you have more piercings or tattoos? Currently tied at six, but piercings the day I get home and get my tongue redone. What color and type is your vehicle? N/A Looking to upgrade or add any time soon? N/A What animal do you have the most possessions *of*, or featuring? Meerkats. What do you use to wash your dishes? Ugh, hands, gross. I refuse to have my own home that doesn't have a dishwasher. Last thing you measured? Ummm probably water when I was making ramen. Last thing you weighed? Myself. Do you talk to your parent(s) [almost] every day? Ma, yes. Last person to tell you that you smell good? Sara although I don't see how, I needed a shower. @_@ Last person you told that they smell good? Sara. How many iPhones have you had? One, I think? Last person you ran into unexpectedly? Good question. Last compliment you received on your appearance? Uhhh idk. On your character/personality? Sara's mom pointed out this morning that she liked how I watch out for Sara and reminded her to call the library (applied there) and it made me so happy alkdjowie. Her approval is important to me. Do you remain friends with anyone you met at your first job? No. Woulda liked to, but. How many chargers do you have for your current cell phone? One, though Mom's fits mine, too. Do you have a good work/life balance? N/A Have you ever ordered pizza online? Yeah. Do you own a treadmill? No, but I want one. Have you ever signed up for a gym membership? Yeah. What color was the last fish you had? I couldn't tell you. Is there a garbage can in your room? What color is it? No. Have you ever read in the bathtub? I may've as a kid? Does your animal sleep with you? Roman, pretty much always. Rarely Teddy, but hhe doesn't like getting off the bed; I put him on it if he wants, so getting down's the only thing. Have you ever had to wear a hairnet? I think I have, but I don't recall for what? How many favorites do you have on YouTube? Holy shit idk. I used to favorite almost anything I liked, though for like a year or so now I've been really picky with what I favorite because it's become a playlist I go to that I know will cheer me up or are just videos I find very important. What kind was the last chip you ate? Uhhhh Lays, p sure. What is your favorite song to play on Guitar Hero or Rockband? I physically cannot play "Hotel California" by the Eagles without moving in some sort of way or singing.  The fucking solo ahhhhhhhhhh goosebumps every time.

[meaniegf]

tagged by @dimplehobi​  thankies 💌

rules: answer the q’s and then tag 20 people at the end 

nickname(s): none lol

gender: female

star sign: scorpio

height: 4′10 lmfdaoo

time right now: 1117AM

last thing i googled: emails mystic messenger (I REDOWNLOADED THE GAME OK YES)

favorite bands: well other than bts n my kpop groups paramore probably

favorite solo artists: mnfksdf idk

song stuck in my head: not today 

last movie i watched: i dont remember :O probably your name that was so long ago

last tv show i watched: i dont watch much tv

when did you create your blog: this blog??? uhhh feb 2015 mayb

what stuff do u post: :+) 

when did ur blog reach its peak: uh idk really probably in late 2015 when i started making original content 

do you have any other blogs: ya my food sideblog @/eatrin LMAO

do you get asks regularly: nah not really :O

why did you choose your url: bc jin... so handsome and perfect.. for Why

following: 439

posts: 28164

hogwarts house: its either hufflepuff or gryffindor

pokemon team: mystic bitch

favorite colors: black/red/maroon/burgundy

average hours of sleep: 7-8 is my ideal 

favorite characters: .............uchiha itachi

what are you wearing right now: striped shirt and shorts

how many blankets do you sleep with: one 

dream job: a .. middle school teacher but im stuck at the preschool lvl for now

dream trip: !!! japan/s.korea!! new zealand bc my friend said its awfully pretty aaah OSWIN WE BASICLALY WANNA GO TO THE SAME PLACES LETS GO

92 truths tag

tagged by @okimtae for this one this iS SO LATE BUT thx sophie 🌷  AH and i love ur blog theme btw its so cute

rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end, choose 25 people to tag!

LAST… [1] drink: water [2] phone call: my mum [3] text message: probably something vague like “JVXCJVSD” [4] song you listened to: 드림 by bolbbalgan4 xfzmnf i luv the song sm [5] time you cried: like.  i think... 3 days ago?

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: no [7] been cheated on: no [8] kissed someone and regretted it: no i havent kissed yet [9] lost someone special: yeah my grandpa [10] been depressed: lmfao [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no i havent gotten drunk sfdFSDlgsjk

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] black [13] red [14] ..maroon/burgundy

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: uuuuh yes if u count online [16] fallen out of love: who [17] laughed until you cried: i think so [18] found out someone was talking about you: yeah! but in a good way [19] met someone who changed you: i guess, [20] found out who your true friends are: wat r friends [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: yike.. no.. i dont even fb anymore

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: uh probably like 98% [23] do you have any pets: no :( [24] do you want to change your name: nah [25] what did you do for your last birthday: doing my kids’ report cards..... lol [26] what time did you wake up: uhh i had trouble sleeping for some reason so i woke up late like at 10 [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: i dont remember [28] name something you cannot wait for: uhhhh i want a nice job n to have money asap [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: two days ago  [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: my anxiety.. be gone with it [31] what are you listening to right now: nothing [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: no [33] something that is getting on your nerves: a lot of things [34] most visited website: uh tumblr probably n then like yt [35] elementary: sucks ass [36] high school: ugly but tolerable [37] college: fun while it lasted [38] hair colour: black [39] long or short hair: uh ....... its to my chin [40] do you have a crush on someone: does jimin count [41] what do you like about yourself? ill get back to u on that [42] piercings: multiple on both ears, 4 incl a helix one on left and then three on right [43] blood type: I duNNO this stresses me out i need to find out so i can read up shit like personality articles based on blood types [44] nickname: none [45] relationship status: lmfao [46] zodiac sign: scorpio 👅 [47] pronouns: she/her [48] fav tv show: i dont rly watch tv so.,  [49] tattoos: none [50] right or left handed: right

FIRST… [51] surgery: does sticking some hot rod up my nose count bc i used 2 hav alot of nosebleeds and had to go for some ENT treatment the doc literally burned the hot metal rod and shoved it up my nose   [52] piercing: ears [53] best friend: uh [54] sport: uhhhh [55] vacation: malaysia lmfaoo [56] pair of trainers: i dont think i ever had trainers

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothing.. i should eat tho [58] drinking: nothing [59] i’m about to: start crying in the club [60] listening to: the A/C vent noise [61] waiting for: nothing [62] want: to hold a cute boy’s hand [63] get married: ill think about it [64] career: left my previous job but im a preschool tchr

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs [66] lips or eyes: both [67] shorter or taller: taller [68] older or younger: older, but the women in my fam r with younger guys so we’ll find out lmfaooo although personally i prefer older men .. jin hmu [69] romantic or spontaneous: idk [70] nice arms or nice stomach: why not both [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive? [72] hook up or relationship: i dunno, [73] troublemaker or hesitant: i think i have enough hesitance in me to cover for the whole r/s

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? nah [75] drank hard liquor? nah [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? nope [77] turned someone down: i dont think so [78] sex on first date? nah [79] broken someone’s heart? hopefully , JUST KIDDING probably not [80] had your own heart broken? not romantically [81] been arrested? nope [82] cried when someone died? yea [83] fallen for a friend: nah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? good qn [85] miracles? not really   [86] love at first sight? nah [87] santa claus? no lmao [88] kiss on the first date? i mean whatever [89] angels? yea?

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: a what now [91] eye colour: black or dark dark brown. but it looks black [92] favourite movie: ghibli movies, your name

2 lazy to tag xmkdfsd but if u can do it if u wana !

[pixie-daydream]

i haven’t ranted in a while but BOYS ARE FUCKING ANNOYING and i just need to rant okay

first of all i feel like we need some backstory in case anyone actually reads this. this is gonna be long as fuck but I’M REALLY IRRITATED EVEN A YEAR LATER so i just need a place to let it loose so i’m not reeling over it in my head. a year ago at the end of my senior year of college i befriended two guys, one of which i had a mutual crush on, the other i saw strictly as a friend. all three of us were friends. it was cool. it was fun, they were funny, we became friends in such a short amount of time but got so close so fast. the three of us hung out a few times in person and also had a groupchat going, whatever. me and my crush started talking just us and that’s a whole different story but yknow, that whole thing happened and we started liking eachother more and more, it was getting pretty deep, we’d facetime-sleepover a few times, blah blah blah, met up to hang out/whatever you wanna call it, it was cute, it was magical, it was a great time, it didn’t end up working out, but it’s an important part of this story. so that’s just some backstory. so while me and my crush are crushing on eachother, me and our friend are also talking outside of the groupchat... basically they both started talking to me on the side and the groupchat died. interesting. but anyways... MY FRIEND is joking around calling me his wife bc he gave me this fake ass plastic ring at a party and clearly i thought it was just a joke. it’s something i’d joke around about, like “haha you gave me a ring, we’re married obvz”... i didn’t really think anything of it cus it really wasn’t that deep. so i THOUGHT that was all just a joke between friends but then he started getting deep with it and telling me i’m such a beautiful person and any guy would kill and be lucky to have a girl like me and all this other shit, how he wanted to be with me forever and it would be us together forever and he’d die a better man having known me... all this weird shit. now DUMB ASS ME being the insecure person that i am honestly just thought he was being nice like i didn’t think he was being serious i thought he was just being a nice friend and saying something nice to another friend but in the back of my mind i was like “oh shit what if he likes me” cus yknow, you never know. but like i said i was insecure as fuck and my confidence level was so low it was almost nonexistent so i was like yeah he prob doesn’t like me, i didn’t even think my crush liked me back at that point but ANYWAYS i digress....... sooner or later my friend starts getting weirdly jealous of literally anyone i hung out with, guy friends, girl friends, it didn’t matter he was just mad that i hung out with other people solo and only hung out with him in a group setting. so i was like wtf chill out it’s just convenient for me to hang w other people bc they’re close by whereas he lived way further away and ALSO, i knew him for less amount of time so for me w the social anxiety in MOST instances it takes me a while to get comfortable w someone on that level to hang out just us two, but he never understood that.... anyways...... he found out me and my crush facetimed and again got weirdly jealous, and was like ‘clearly u like him better than me bc we never facetime’ which 1st of all HE NEVER ASKED ME TO FT HIM, second of all he has a fucking android so 4+5=48 wtf how were we supposed to facetime u fucking moron. but clearly my crush told him we facetimed cus nobody else knew at the time, so clearly the two of them were talking about me. and my friend was asking if i had a crush on him, which at the time i didn’t really wanna say bc i wasn’t sure if my crush liked me back and i didn’t want it getting back to him so i just played it coy.... but it was obvious i had a crush on the kid so my friend could really just do the math. but my friend was being so weird about it pulling the “marriage” card saying if we’re married why am i cheating on him AND HONESTLY ONCE AGAIN I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST JOKING AROUND yet at the same time he was really accusing me over absolutely nothing and i was like oh shit is he actually mad........ and then eventually he’s like “chill it’s just a joke” but he would consistently say “whoever makes you happy even if i dont understand why you like him” and shit like that. anyways, he knew i had a crush on the guy and he knew the guy had a crush on me, from the inception of his crush on me apparently, and said MOST of their conversations were about me. everyone thought the two of them were like bffed out, yet apparently most of their convos were about me... ok.... anyway. point being, he knew how much we liked eachother. fast forward a couple months, over the course of the summer me and my friend were still friends, we’d hang out like once a week in a big group of people but we were always fighting. it was like fighting between siblings kinda that’s what it reminded me of but would play it off as a joke, but he’d still pull the husband/wife joke thing and i’d go along with it cus again i’m an idiot and even tho it was starting to get weird i didn’t wanna look like i was taking it seriously since most of the shit he said was a joke anyway. for example, around this time i was starting to sense something odd going on with my crush... eventually things were starting to fizzle out which was devastating to me but again that’s a whole different story i don’t really need to get into. i mentioned to my friend how i was kinda worried i was gonna lose some people in my life, bc if i pick up on the slightest thing that’s off i go into panic mode, and my friend was like ‘so screw everyone else. it’s just me and you. and since i’m your husband you should let me take you out on a date.’ and i was like ????? wtf........ i dont wanna go on a fucking date with you. i was like ‘i mean, we can hang out’ and he goes ‘so date?’ and i was  like ‘no...’ and he’s like ‘why not??? why wont you let me take you out??? i thought we were best friends. best friends can’t go out together and hang out?” LIKE. LITERALLY. THIS IS WHAT HE WAS SAYING. and i said i’d hang with him but he always would try and turn it into a date and he goes “chill, do you actually think i’d take you out on a romantic date? i’m not about that life.” ??????????? alright, s you’re just joking then? EVEN THOUGH YOU CONSTANTLY BRING UP WEIRD SHIT IN A ROMANTIC WAY ABOUT ME ALL THE TIME. it’s just a joke tho. alright. so anyway, the day after this happens, my crush mentioned my friend wanted us all to go to the beach or something, so clearly they were speaking to eachother at that point. and then my friend texted me at the same time asking if me and my crush were an item yet..... and at that point i still never outright admitted i liked him so i was panicking bc i knew they were talking about me and i was like why the fuck is he asking me this........... anyway i said no and my friend said he was gonna “hook it up” and tell him to ask me out to which i said WHY because I DON’T WANT/NEED OTHER PEOPLE MEDDLING IN MY LIFE WITHOUT ME ASKING. just a side note i’ve never been in a relationship i’m VERY new to someone even having actual reciprocated feelings for me and i really really REALLY REALLY liked my crush a lot... like i adored him and definitely could have fallen for him truly but i did not want anything to mess it up, just wanted to let it evolve naturally and let it keep progressing slowly bc i was terrified to lose him and i especially didn’t want this fucking idiot to talk to him for me since i was starting to get sufficiently creeped out by him. so his response was “bc you’d say yes” and i just didn’t respond bc i was so annoyed at that point AND THE FUCKER HAD THE NERVE 3 HOURS LATER TO SAY “why didn’t you text me back? that’s not what best friends do...” tHaT’s NoT wHaT bEsT fRiEnDs Do ??? WHAT KIND OF FUCKING CHILDISH BULLSHIT IS THAT? keep in mind this fucker is like 25 years old yet he pulls cards like that... WTF. anyway. i find it very odd how after that conversation, things with me and my crush started to fizzle out. very odd. i can’t fully blame it on my friend bc in the future i’d found out from my crush that he himself was just........ an idiot, i don’t really know what his issue was but he fucked up on his own.... HOWEVER, i definitely find it sus that my friend was saying he was gonna hook us up or w/e and then suddenly it turned to shit. interesting. ok. so things w my crush were getting weird, i was clearly upset by it and my friend picked up on it and attempted to reassure me that my crush loved me and was obsessed and wasn’t going anywhere, i even asked him if he said anything to him since YKNOW last time i checked, he said he was gonna talk to him about us, yet he claims he didn’t.... #surejan. but bottom line was my friend’s advice to me was “who cares” if my crush isn’t talking to me... when REALLY IT WAS MORE THAN A CRUSH AT THIS POINT, silly me knows now that boys are not to be trusted and just bc they say all this lovey dovey deep stuff to u and make it seem like they truly r falling for u, it might not be the case.... but at the time i really thought we loved n cared about eachother on a way deeper level than just crushing so I WAS OBVIOUSLY RLY UPSET, and for my friend to say to just get over it pissed me off to no end. ESPECIALLY BC HE LITERALLY SAID “i dont get why you like him when he’s nowhere near as interesting as i am.” HE REALLY SAID THAT. MY FRIEND. SAID THAT. AS IF THAT’S GONNA MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER. and i kept saying it’s not that simple i can’t just get over it or move on if he’s being weird and not talking to me as much... he was trying to tell me it was UNHEALTHY for me to be upset if he wasn’t responding to me (to be clear the point wasn’t that he wasn’t answering, it was that after talking nonstop every day all day and building that trust with eachother and being so sweet to eachother, he went from all that to just one word answers and barely talking. like clearly somehting was wrong and he wouldn’t tell me what it was which scared me, THAT is what was upsetting me. i can handle someone not responding. just fyi.) ,,,,,, so my friend would say that was unhealthy yet him getting mad at me and being jealous if i hung out with other people was totally normal??? ok. ALSO, A SIDE NOTE, i have ANOTHER friend, we’ll call him jim for now just so things don’t get confusing..... while all this stuff with my crush was going on, me, my friend, jim, and a few others were hanging out and food was involved so we were on line to get food and jim put some on my plate for me. really not a big deal....... i do that for people all the time and my friends do it for me like it really IS NOT THAT DEEP. YET MY FRIEND TEXTS ME THAT NIGHT SAYING ‘i need to talk to u........... i think u and jim are in a secret relationship or he’s in love with u bc he put food on ur plate for you and u just said thank you and moved on like it was nothing.’ LIKE. HE REALLY. FUCKING. SAID. THAT. !!!!. Guys. help. when i say i laughed for 15 minutes I REALLY WAS ROLLING. this guy was getting heated bc a friend put food on my plate for me. fast forward to my friend having a party, jim was there, a bunch of friends were there and we were drinking so we stayed overnight but everyone had left by morning and i was the only one there. so finally my friend gets to hang out w me one on one for a few hours. we were just shooting the shit, talking, watching tv. whatever. we also talked about my crush and once again my friend was saying to just get over it which pissed me off. i also ended up texting my crush that night bc it’d been a while and i was like freaking out over that, long story short i could tell he really was done with me so from that point on i decided if he wanted to talk to me he can come to me bc i was done looking like a fool and texting him getting 3 second responses and an attitude and making myself crazy and feeling disappointed over it. so not only was my crush no longer talking to me but my friend was also being short in his responses to me from that point as well. and i tried to just be normal about it and keep it lighthearted, talking as usual with the same stuff we always spoke about, but the conversation was like pulling teeth and i was like wtf??? like why is everyone being weird with me not wanting to talk to me? and my friend who knew i was upset over the crush thing was doing it to me as well.. so i was like okay then, guess i’m on my own. a few weeks later, about exactly a year ago, my friend texted me again asking what was up and stuff and asked me out of NOWHERE if i had talked to my crush lately. keep in mind, i literally never speak about my crush or bring him up on my own to my friend bc i know how jealous he gets, if we talk about him it’s bc someone else brought it up.... so i responded saying it’d been 2 weeks but who’s counting cus yknow, I WAS HURT. and my friend goes “well clearly you aren’t over it.” ..... NO SHIT SHERLOCK YOU FUCKING PENDEJO I FREAKING ADORED THE KID AND REALLY LIKE IDK LOVED HIM I GUESS OR WHATEVER, AND GOT SOMEWHERE WITH HIM I NEVER GOT WITH ANYONE LIKE I /NEVER/ FELT THAT WAY BEFORE ABOUT ANOTHER PERSON AND NEVER EXPERIENCED THOSE FEELINGS SO OBVIOUSLY. I WASN’T GONNA BE OVER IT. YOU STUPID FUCK. but anyways... i basically said that to him in nicer words lol and once again he was like get over it.... so i went to bed upset over it cus idek why he brought that up... also keep in mind, my friend and my crush no longer spoke to eachother either. they pretty much stopped talking when the two of them started talking to me one on one if that makes sense... they’d talk here and there but their ‘friendship’ ended when our friendships began. anyways. i woke up the next day and my friend texted me saying “I TALKED TO [insert crushes name here]” ....... EXCUSE ME YOU FUCKING CUNT BAG. WHEN THE HELL DID I ASK YOU TO TALK TO HIM???????? DID I EVER SAY “pls ask him what happened between us”...... NO. I REALLY DIDN’T. SO WHY. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT AND MEDDLE IN MY LIFE ONCE AGAIN? and my friend told me “I don’t need to get into details bc i don’t wanna hurt your feelings, but he said he did not like you anymore and said he was done.” yeah WAY TO SPARE MY FUCKING FEELINGS YOU COCKMOUTH. guys i cannot even begin to explain the emotions at that point i didn’t know whether to be heartbroken or infuriated or both but i was fucking upset let me tell you. i mean, it was pretty obvious my crush was done with me but this was somewhat of an actual confirmation bc at that point i still held out some bit of hope that he might try and talk to me again but clearly it wasn’t happening. so my friend goes “well at least now you know the truth” AS IF HE WAS DOING ME A FAVOR. and then i was really fucking sad and even more depressed than usual, and my friend seemed like he was annoyed with me for still being upset over it... first of all you assface, there’s no time period for how long someone is “allowed” to be sad over something and for ME ESPECIALLY, THE MOST EMOTIONAL PERSON ON EARTH, two weeks is definitely not long enough for me to be sad so you can shut up. but anyway, after that, we really didn’t talk much until the end of that month. i hadn’t heard from my crush either until one day he liked a few of my pictures... i also noticed he and my friend were interacting on social media as well, and that night my friend messaged me for the first time in a while saying he was going to visit our old school and asked if i wanted to come say hi to everyone. he also invited jim. interesting considering they hated eachother but anyway. i found it a BIT peculiar that this was all happening at once but i hadn’t seen my friends in a while so i went, and he “casually” mentioned that “[crush]” wanted to meet up with him so we were meeting up with him or whatever. at this point i was like WTFWTFWTF even tho i had a feeling that was what was gonna happen anyway. but i was really taken aback, cus like, my friend knew how i felt about the situation and how upset i was and i was shocked he didn’t even ask me about it first, but i didnt have much of a choice at this point so... we met up with him and it was so fucking awkward bc he really was gonna pretend like NONE OF WHAT WE HAD OR DID OR SAID OVER THE SUMMER EVER EVEN HAPPENED, and he was being so quiet... i just carried on being normal myself masking the fact that i was having major internal anxiety but if he was gonna act like nothing happened so was i. we met up with our other friends and it was fun, my crush barely spoke to me and my friend also barely spoke to me, they pretty much spoke to eachother the whole time and when i tried to interject or contribute to the convo they’d basically ignore me or just go ‘haha......’ or some shit. so i was really like ???? WHY DID MY FRIEND EVEN INVITE ME IF HE WAS JUST GONNA KNOWINGLY PUT ME INTO A REALLY AWKWARD SITUATION AND NOT EVEN TALK TO ME ALMOST THE WHOLE TIME. and then that night, where i feel like he’d usually have texted me to ask how i felt about the whole situation, he didn’t say shit. THE NEXT DAY THO, MY CRUSH STARTED SNAPCHATTING ME AGAIN and basically was really drunk and trying to get me back, gave me this whole sob story of how he fucked up and as much as i wanted him back obviously knew he prob didn’t mean it... but anyway, the fact that he tried that after seeing me in person and not even talking to me was just weird but i had a feeling he and my friend kinda talked about getting me to see him that day like i feel like it was a premeditated plan. anyways. things w my crush stayed quiet from that point on and so did things w my friend until ANOTHER month later when i sent my friend something that reminded me of him, he was like ‘can we be friends again?’ and i was like yeah we’re not nOT friends....... he was the one who wasn’t rly talking to me anyway so whatever. but we were texting AND WHILE WE WERE TEXTING, I GET A SNAPCHAT FROM NONE OTHER THAN MY CRUSH. i was super fucking confused since i hadnt heard from him since the last time he messaged me and also a little weirded out how they both pop back into my life at tthe same time..... but anyways, just to tie up the crush story, this is when i found out my crush initially stopped talking to me bc he felt like it wasn’t going anywhere (which is bullshit but ok, he clearly just wanted to bang me but i didnt wanna do that without being completely sure that he wasnt gonna just hit it n quit it.... so he quit it before he could even hit it i guess) and claimed we were ‘just talking’ and it ‘never amounted to anything’ which is also bs to me bc it was WAY deeper than just talking so if he wants to pretend like it wasnt that deep he’s an idiot bc he was the one making it deep. but anyways. that’s just a SHORT version of the end of that story (i was devastated i guess i consider that my first real true heartbreak and it took me SO long to finally be okay but y’all don’t worry bc I’M OKAY NOW and i’m happy. i lowkey still miss it sometimes but i’m happy now n he’s happy so like whatever. we’re cool)..... but anyways i feel like i should just wrap that story up before i get to the rest of the whole shit with my friend lol ANYWAYS ........   me and my friend weren’t really talking anymore after that, it’d pretty much be social media liking or comments but that was about it. he would message me every now and again tho to be like ‘why haven’t we talked’ and stuff like that, or if he said he missed me i’d be like ‘i miss you too’ and he’d be like ‘no you don’t.......’ and try to make ME feel guilty for no reason. and for real, our friendship was fun a lot of the time. i did miss it and i missed him too. he was a funny dude and we had a lot of common interests but most of the time i felt like i was doing something wrong or he was constantly trying to make me admit to him that he was my favorite, that i liked him the best, and was just generally possessive and obsessive and weird about it, so why keep that going especially when we had our own lives and shit. come january he wished me a happy new year and when i responded a day later (i didn’t have service) he was like “yeah, we’re not friends anymore....” ??? so wtf ????? i was like ??? he didn’t reply until like a week later saying ‘hey’ bitch what i thought we weren’t friends anymore so wtf. and the thing with me is, if you’re my friend you’re always my friend, i’ll always care even if we haven’t spoken in a while but i’ll always consider you a friend. yet this guy thinks that’s not true if we don’t talk 24/7 apparently. he’d constantly tell me ‘that’s not what real friends do...’ and that type of BS, make ME feel like a shitty friend, yet still hit me up and say hey???? but it was a vicious cycle of him saying hey, me replying thinking maybe it’ll be different and then him just going right back to saying we’re not friends. and that shit was exhausting to me. he’d text me a few times asking if i wanted to work on a movie project with him (he’s in film and i’m an actress) but i was busy with other shit and he wouldn’t take no for an answer but eventually again we stopped talking. so april rolls around and he messages me again. he’s probably jealous cus i was back with all our group of friends again including my crush, and we were all having a good time putting on a musical (i went back to help direct the show after graduating) and my friend clearly has major fomo. but he messaged me on FB asking if he could text me cus he missed me, and yknow THE POLITE THING IS TO JUST SAY I MISS HIM TOO so i said that and he goes ‘no you don’t, but okay...’ and proceeds to text me. WHY BOTHER TEXTING ME IF U THINK I DON’T MISS YOU THEN? jesus fucking christ. so he texts me and i jokingly said it was will smith (don’t ask.... it’s an inside joke and to try and keep it lighthearted i brought it up thinking he’d joke around cus yknow... EVERYTHING IS ‘JUST A JOKE’ TO HIM) and then goes ‘oh i thought i was talking to the girl of my dreams.’ there he goes again bringing it up how much he’s in love with me, he even told me he has dreams of me all the time and was wondering if i had dreams of him too... i was clearly weirded out at this point and just responded sarcastically because WTF. and then he gets mad like “i’m done. i don’t wanna play games anymore but everything is a joke with you ( !!!! are u fucking kidding me my guy), i really do think about you all the time and miss our friendship but you don’t need me anymore, i dream about you all the time, i miss what we had, i’m really sorry.” ????????????????? BITCH. WHAT. THE FLYING. MOTHER FUCKING. FUCK. !!! ???! !!?! !??!?!?!?! he really wanted to accuse ME of playing games all the time? like are u serious..... EVERYTHING’S A JOKE TO ME??? BC EVERY TIME I ASK U IF UR BEING SERIOUS ABOUT SOMETHING UR THE ONE WHO SAYS IT’S JUST A JOKE. i obviously went off on him at that point bc what the fuck ! ur the one who constantly tells me i’m a bad friend yet u still try and talk to me, if i’m such a bad friend then leave me alone! u constantly put me in awkward uncomfy situations that i put up with bc i thought you’d say i was a shitty friend if i didn’t, ur the ONE THAT’S A SHITTY FRIEND. after that we didn’t talk for about a month til his birthday when i texted him cus what’s the big deal, he wished me luck on the musical. casual. whatever. fine. then after that he started texting me again but i would just ignore it bc i really did not want to deal with that shit again, also i thought he was done with me. eventually i caved and said hi back cus i mean, i felt like a bitch ignoring him and eventually he was like ‘we should hang.....’ and i knew were the convo was gonna go so i’ll admit it. i ghosted. which is something i HATE having done to me and i hate doing it to others but why would i put myself through this bullshit again? this was in june or july. it’s september now and for about a month he would text me EVERY TWO WEEKS saying ‘steph?’ or ‘???’ or “hello...” bro TAKE THE FUCKING HINT. I DON’T WANNA TALK TO YOU. he texted me for the first time in a while yesterday and again i didn’t respond... so he messaged me on FB saying “why won’t you talk to me and text me back?” OH. SO SOMEONE YOU REALLY LIKED AND CARED ABOUT ISN’T TEXTING YOU, YOU SAY? JUST GET OVER IT! MOVE ON! IS IT REALLY A BIG DEAL? NOT SO SIMPLE IS IT WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE RIGHT? Right exactly, karma is a fucking bitch I hope you know how it feels now you fucking asshole. i am NEVER one for revenge and i’m not even doing this to be spiteful because really, the reason i’m not texting back is because he is a manipulative, jealous, obsessed and possessive fucking child, but it’s pretty funny how when i was dealing with someone not talking to me, he told me to just get over it and move on. yet there are dozens of ignored messages from him on my phone, where he CLEARLY isn’t over me not talking to him. maybe i owe him an explanation, sure, but why the fuck should i? just to be yelled at by someone who i really don’t want anything to do with anymore? yeah no thanks. it’s just amazing to me how he can still be so fucking obsessed all this time later. at least when someone is obviously done with me i back off and can realize when it’s over and not be a desperate bitch constantly texting them even when they ignore me 7 times. i’m not delusional i know when done is done. BUT THIS GUY. NOPE. HE STILL REALLY IS WONDERING WHY I WON’T TALK TO HIM. you know why, you dickbag. sometimes friendships just don’t work out and that’s okay, it doesn’t need to get to this point though. and the funny part? i’m apparently not even the only girl he’s done this to... the sweet talking and ‘oh but I’M your favorite right? cus you’re my favorite.’ and ‘we should hang out, like all the time, bc that’s what best friends do...’ yeah he’s pulled that shit with 4 OF MY FRIENDS. you think that shits not gonna get around buddy? he obviously has issues. it’s sad and yknow i don’t usually have problems with people, i can count on ONE HAND the amount of people i’ve had a falling out with or a negative relationship with... and i’m not one to expose people or whatever, that’s not my thing. but when you piss me off THIS much, well, sucks to suck. 

it’s been over a year, stop fucking texting me. lose my number, loser.