#my WoL really appreciated the soft smile he gave her here

[fatalwhims]

Estinien’s soft smile

[raelly-writing]

Departures

Thancred/f!WoL with Alisaie&WoL. Takes place before the patch 5.3 segment of Bozja. SFW :) I feel a bit rusty and have struggled with writing something I feel happy with, but wanted to try and finish something at least so I can move on to other stuff.

----

“I still wish I could go with you.”

Alisaie’s exasperated tone made Viana look up from her travel pack to offer the young woman a small smile. “And I’d love to have you,” she replied earnestly. “Both of you.”

She looked over her shoulder to Thancred where he was seated by her desk. Clearly sensing her eyes on him, he looked up from her gunblade. The furrow between his brows deepened, but he turned his attention back to carefully cleaning out the disassembled chamber.

Not that he needed to say anything; it was obvious he shared Alisaie’s sentiment, though he knew there was no point in him trying to argue for it. Without a word, he’d taken her gunblade from her and sat down to clean it while she packed the rest of her things ahead of leaving early the next morning.

Sighing, Viana walked over to her cabinet. “But as much as I may want to have you by my side out there, I wager Krile would sooner physically restrain the lot of you than let you travel to a warzone.” She frowned at the small rack holding the pre-prepared potions, and picked up two healing ones, leaving one vial behind. Making a mental note to ask Tataru for a restock, she turned back towards Alisaie, just as she with a huff settled down on the bed, next to the open bag.

“But I feel fine.”

Viana snorted and raised an eyebrow. “You say that now,” she retorted as she put the vials into their designated leather travel case. The antidote vial in the case was still nearly full so no need to get more of that at least. “But you don’t know how you’ll feel after a few nights of poor sleep, and several hours of fighting. A few starved and desperate gryphons are a far cry from an imperial legion and magitek units.”

“She’s right,” Thancred chimed in, his tone the same firm, matter-of-fact one he would usually take when he and Ryne were disagreeing on something. He didn’t look up from the cylinder he was reassembling as he continued, “We’re all still recovering physically. If we were out there, we’d be a source of distraction, and not nearly to as much help as we might want to believe.”

Alisaie threw him a sour look, like she felt betrayed by him not siding with her on the matter. For a moment, it looked like she might argue with him, but instead, she turned her head to glare down at the floor. “I know. I just…” She bit her lip, her shoulders tense as she dug her fingers into the bed cover. “I don’t like sitting here, useless,” she continued, her voice tense. “Especially when you’re walking into yet another warzone, and this time, you won’t have Lyse, or Yugiri and Hien, or anyone else you know and trust there to back you up. The last time I should have been...” She fell silent, but the unsaid words hung heavy in the air.

Viana paused, her chest knotting with sympathy and a faint unease - the memory of Ghimlyt still haunted them both it seemed. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Thancred’s hands briefly still, before he continued tinkering with her gunblade.

“You’re not useless,” she responded firmly as she walked back to the bed.

It did nothing to make Alisaie relax or cease with her attempt to glare a hole into the floor. Attempts at coddling were never appreciated by her, that much Viana knew. Hells, at that age, she’d never liked it when people older than her had tried to talk down to her either. But youthful eagerness to leap into the next fray, heedless of one’s limits, was always something to look out for, and gently but firmly redirect elsewhere.

Reaching out, she put a hand on Alisaie’s shoulder and squeezed. “The best you can do right now,” she continued, “is what will make your recovery the swiftest it can be. Running headlong into an dangerous situation may at best result in you pushing yourself beyond what you’re capable of at this moment, or at worst, you might injure yourself and just set yourself back even more.”

Finally, Alisaie looked up, their eyes meeting. For a moment, her brow remained creased and mouth pressed together in a thin line, until finally the steel in her gaze softened a little. “Well, I suppose moping about it won’t do you or me any good.”

Relieved to see her mood shift towards something better, a crooked smile quirked the corner of Viana’s mouth. “No it won’t.” When she felt Alisaie’s shoulder relax, she gave it another squeeze before letting her hand drift off it. “Besides,” she continued while lowering her voice, not really trying to keep herself from being overheard in the stillness of the room, “someone’s got to make sure Thancred doesn’t slack off while I’m gone.”

“I heard that.”

Thancred’s deadpan voice made them both burst into quiet laughter. And with that, the air felt a little less thick with tension.

As her laughter subsided, Alisaie’s posture relaxed completely. “Fine, I get what you mean.”

“I’m glad,” Viana replied and turned back to the parts of her gear lying on the bed. Picking up the bag she usually attached to her belt, she put the case with the potion vials inside it as she continued speaking, “Hien and the rest of Doma might not be able to aid the resistance directly, but Yugiri volunteered to personally run any messages I might have for you all. Alphinaud knows how to get in touch with her as well, should the need arise.”

“It’d be good to see her again,” Alisaie responded, her voice soft and a bit more cheerful.

Viana made a quiet, humming noise of agreement while continuing to pack some spare clothes into her bag. “Wager she feels much the same.”

A comfortable silence settled over them for a short moment, until Alisaie spoke up once more, “You’re leaving early, right?”

“I am, yes.”

A smile broke out on her features as she stood up from the bed. “I’ll leave you to finish packing then. Come say good-bye before you go?”

With a soft laugh, Viana nodded. “I promise. Sleep well.”

“Good night, Alisaie,” Thancred said lightly, his attention still on the gunblade.

Alisaie paused with one hand on the door handle and glanced back at Thancred. “Don’t keep her up for too long while ‘saying good-bye’.”

There was a sharp pling of metal hitting metal accompanied by a startled noise, barely audible under Viana’s scandalised shout of the young elezen woman’s name. Before either of them had time to formulate a reply, Alisaie had already slipped out the door with a cheerful “Good night!” thrown over her shoulder.

Viana crossed her arms and stared at the closed door, her cheeks burning furiously. Of course she held no illusions whether Alisaie, or any of the others, remained oblivious to what was going on between her and Thancred - the sly quips and jabs from all of them made that quite clear - but the blatant insinuation had caught her entirely off-guard.

A heavy sigh from behind her made her turn to look towards Thancred just as he leaned down to pick up the small metal ring he’d apparently dropped. “Perhaps I should count myself lucky that she mostly holds her tongue in public,” he grumbled. “Not sure the shreds of my dignity would survive.”

It was hard not to quirk a smile at his grumpy tone. “She just enjoys teasing you.” A glimmer on the floor in the lantern light caught her attention and she moved to pick up a screw that had rolled out onto the floor. “Well, both of us, I suppose,” she added softly as she walked over to him.

Thancred murmured a ‘thank you’ when she placed the screw in his hand, but before she had a chance to return to pack the last of her things, he swiftly wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her down into his lap.

Viana huffed out a quiet laugh through her nose, but he silently returned to reassembling the cleaned components, arms on each side of her.

“Not exactly the most productive working position,” she commented softly as she rested her arm over his shoulders and idly drew random patterns onto his back with her fingers.

“Works well enough, my dear,” he replied in that effortless, well-practised tone she knew was meant to mask whatever feelings he truly had.

She pursed her lips as she watched him work. For a moment, she considered calling him out on his bluff. It wasn’t as if they could avoid speaking of it. Which, if she guessed right, was precisely why he’d caught her like this in the first place. Sighing quietly, she dropped a kiss to the top of his head while still stroking his back.

Thancred’s hands stilled for a second, before he turned his head and pressed his cheek against her chest, the arm around her back tensing. “A moment.”

She replied with a quiet hum and brushed her fingers over the nape of his neck, her eyes still on his hands. Usually she quite enjoyed watching him work like this; to just quietly observe his nimble fingers twist and turn the small components of a gunblade, fiddle with a lockpick, or merely playing with whatever piece of string or fabric that might be within reach while he was completely absorbed in a book.

Stuck as he’d been reading his old journals and Riol’s reports to refresh and catch up on events in his absence, learning the ins and outs of her new gunblade had given him something else to occupy his hands with.  By now, she was fairly certain he knew it just as well as his own. Which was why, despite that it didn’t take too long for him to finish up, she had the suspicion that he stalled a little just to gather his thoughts.

Finally, he held up the blade and gave it a critical once over, before setting it back down. With quick, efficient motions, he began wiping down the cleaning rods with a stained rag. “You need to refill your bottle with oil,” he commented while setting the rods back into her leather kit.

Viana glanced at the nearly empty bottle sitting on the desk. “There’s a flask of it in the cupboard,” she replied softly.

He nodded. “I’ll get it then.”

“Gonna have to let me up if you’re gonna do that, love.”

Thancred leaned back in the chair while his hands settled on her waist. He looked tired, his jaw tense and a hard edge to his eyes when he met her gaze.

It was a look that made her chest draw tight with concern. It felt like there was something other than just her impending departure that was on his mind. The silence stretched out between them, thick and heavy. Unsure of what to say to coax him into speaking of whatever was bothering him so, Viana raised a hand to caress his cheek before leaning down to press her lips to his in a chaste, hopefully soothing, kiss.

It was short and sweet, and a gentle reassurance that she’d be fine was right at the tip of her tongue, but they never made it past her lips.

With a sharp inhale, Thancred chased after her when she tried to part from him, his fingers digging into her hip while his other hand was quick to cradle her jaw. He swallowed her surprised gasp when he tugged her down to deepen the kiss, the scent of the cleaning oil that clung to his fingers sharp in her nose. A blazing warmth rushed up the back of her neck, while her heart quickened its pace and her thoughts scattered under the all too familiar yearning that he so skillfully stoked within her. The warm touch of his hand swept up beneath her shirt, leaving a trail of sparks behind as he let it idly roam over whatever he could reach of her, while still keeping her securely in his embrace. It was tempting to just surrender to it, to bury her hands in his hair and let the unspoken words die in favour of that carnal pleasure every caress of his lips promised.

Yet she would not let herself be swept up in it - not when she could all but taste the hard, cold undercurrent of something bitter in his fervent kisses.

Finding her voice, she pushed her hand against his chest. “Thancred.”

Immediately, he froze. “My apologies,” he rasped out, his breath a puff of hot air against her lips. The hold he’d had on her loosened, and she could sense that he would not stop her if she were to try and get up.

Rather than doing so, Viana relaxed and rested her forehead against his while she caressed his cheek. “What’s on your mind, love?”

Sighing, he nuzzled his nose against hers, before he finally responded, “Alisaie is right.”

“Whatever happened with ‘We’re still recovering’ and ‘we’ll be more of a distraction than help’?”

Thancred made an annoyed sound at the back of his throat. “Twelve, I know what I said.”

There was something he was not letting on. His tone was too guarded. Idly, she stroked her thumb over his cheekbone before leaning back a little. There was a stubborn set to his jaw and furrow between his brows. Unease bristled in her chest, a sharp and prickling concern for what was weighing so heavily on him. “You did not seem this worried when I ventured out to track down the weapon projects with Gaius,” she ventured carefully.

His expression darkened with a deep frown. “Because we all knew that Cid and the Ironworks would watch your back,” he responded firmly. “But out there, in Bozja, with the rebel forces? Who knows what’ll happen, who the Empire might have bought off with pretty promises or snuck in amongst the rank and file soldiers? We have no idea where Zenos is either. I should-” He abruptly fell silent and turned his head to the side, glaring off at her bookshelf like it was the sole source of his foul mood.

Viana raised an eyebrow and nervously wet her lips as she let her hand fall from his cheek to instead rest against his chest. “I don’t know where your head is at right now,” she began slowly, while trying to think of the right words to say. “But we’ve spoken of this. We both have our own duties to see to, and I know that you agree with me on the importance of that, so I can only guess that’s not why you’re bothered right now.”  

She felt his fingers press into her hip, and tapped her fingers against his collarbone in turn. He glanced back at her, the grip on her hip tensing for a brief moment. The muscles at his jaw shifted as he clenched it, until he drew a deep breath and slowly exhaled. When he lowered his gaze, he relaxed his hold on her. “Forgive me… I… think I’m not used to you going off on your own, least of all into an active warzone,” he murmured. “Usually you have one of the twins with you at least, or that I’m close at hand myself, or… you’re with some other ally we know and trust.” He made a vague, hopeless gesture with his hand. “Bozja may as well be on the First, for all that I - or any of us - can help if something were to happen to you there.”

Despite his gruff tone, the little ball of anxiety in her chest loosened up. With a soft smile, Viana cradled his jaw and sought his gaze with her own. “Thancred, you’re allowed to be worried.”

He glanced up at her, his mouth still pressed together in a thin line and eyes stormy with emotions, but the hard lines in his expression had softened out a little. “I know you can take care of yourself,” he added firmly.

Humming softly, she brushed back a few strands of hair from his eyes. “Just like I knew you could take care of yourself while you were tracking Elidibus.” Quickly, she leaned down to brush her lips to his. “That doesn’t mean I did not fear that every hour I spent here at the Source was several hours I was not readily at hand in the First if you all needed me.”

With all that had been happening then, it had been hard to shake off the constant lingering fear that the moment she went to sleep, Feo Ul would be in her dreams to tell her that Elidibus had made his move in her absence, or that Thancred’s body had been found somewhere. Or worse, that they’d lost track of him entirely. Finding out later that he’d been hiding his dizzy spells from her hadn’t helped.

The memory of their hushed, hurried argument over that particular bit brought a bitter taste to her mouth. One bump on the road of them both learning and adjusting to being together with someone like this, but they had worked it out.

Thancred made a low, thoughtful noise that stirred her from her ruminations. Taking her hand in his, he pressed a light kiss to the back of her fingers. “Fair point, I suppose.”

Viana offered him a gentle smile. There was still some tension lingering in his expression, but she felt him relax against the back of the chair, his shoulders visibly slumping a little as he seemed to finally let go of whatever root cause for his mood had been. “You better now?” she asked.

He huffed out a tired chuckle. “I’d still be happier if we all were going with you.”

“Hmm, well, it’s like what I said to Alisaie,” she answered softly. “Best you all can do right now is to rest and recover. Fair chance there’s not much time before some matter or another requires you all out in the field once more.”

Thancred’s eyes softened and his smile turned a little rueful. “You too deserve some more time to rest.”

He raised a hand to cup her cheek and she leaned her head into his warm touch. She’d miss it in the coming weeks - miss all of them, now that she’d finally gotten them all back home once more. “I fear the world has other ideas,” she hummed. “It’s either now, or let the IVth legion solidify their hold on the region while the empire crumbles around them.” But he knew that - he, Riol and Alphinaud had all read the reports provided by the resistance just as diligently as she had.

Gently, Thancred pulled her back down for a slow, tender kiss that made her heart flutter in her chest and warmth rise on her cheeks. The kiss melted into another, his hand sliding up to cup the back of her head, until they somewhat reluctantly parted to catch their breaths. “I suppose barring the door is out of the question, hm? For just one more day at least?”

Chuckling at the rather well-worn joke - forever just a hushed whisper beneath warm covers they did not want to leave or a wistful remark in the lantern light on a eve such as this one - she pressed another quick kiss to his lips. “Afraid so, love.”

Thancred sighed softly, “Then I better get that flask refilled so you can pack everything away for tomorrow.”

“We have the rest of tonight.” She brushed one more kiss to his lips, craving those small intimate gestures with him that she’d have to go without with the coming of the morning light. “Let’s make the best use of it.”

“That sounds good, my dear.”

[sailorsanghelios]

FFXIV ficlets but this time with my Au’ra WOL

In honor of it apparently being Au’ra April on Twitter, I dusted off this WIP of my Au’ra WOL, Seiro being shippy with Yugiri in the aftermath of the 2.5 Bloody Banquet. Really like how this one turned out, even though I haven’t written something this self indulgent and shippy in a VERY long time.

--------- “Seiro are you alright?”

Seiro had been distracted, looking out the window as the snow fell. While he appreciated the hospitality of his dear friend, Lord Haurchefant, he had never liked the cold, and even bundled up and drinking the hot drinks brought to him, it felt unbearably cold to him.

“I am not.” he said honestly. “But I will pretend I am, for Alphinaud and Tataru’s sake…. Thank you for rescuing Tataru by the way. It means the world to me.”

Perhaps the only bit of warmth he felt now, was as Yugiri crouched beside him.  He couldn’t help but stare at her, even though he knew it probably unnerved her. She almost felt like a completely different person to him, he hadn’t ever thought about what she might look like.

She smiled at him, “ I have to say I expected Alphinaud’s reaction of shock, I have to be the first woman of our kind he’s ever seen. But you?”

Seiro racked his brain and realized something, “...I’ll be honest I haven’t seen a woman of our kind, since I was separated from my mother as a child.” His heart felt heavy, thinking about such a thing in an already emotionally charged and exhausting night. “And I honestly don’t remember it very well. I mean perhaps occasionally I’d see one in the distance, but never up close.”

“Your Garlean master did not like you consorting with other Au’ra?”

Seiro’s eyes widened as he dropped the cup of hot liquid onto the floor. He locked eyes with Yugiri, his face growing hot with shame. He knew how hard she fought against the Garleans, how they made her, and their own people, the ones he had forsaken, suffer.  And perhaps after finally meeting someone who made him feel less lonely, he was afraid of her hating him the same way.

But Yugiri only had a gentle smile, “I see and I listen to everything. I’ve known since the beginning of course. I heard the Garleans even in Doma speak of you, the Warrior of Light, the former legionary fighting against the empire, defeating your former legatus. Are you so torn from Doma that you forgot there’s little that one can hide from a shinobi?”

“...you do not hate me?” he whispered.  

“ No...if anything I pitied you.”

Somehow that felt even worse to Seiro.

“ My pride in my people, in Doma, is one of the few things that kept me moving forward in my life. And to see a fellow Doman…”

“Yugiri…” Seiro gently put his hand against her shoulder, “...Yugiri I am not a Doman. Perhaps by birth I am but...I’ve long forgotten everything. I was made to forget it, I was made to feel ashamed of it...until I met you and the other refugees in Mor Dhona, I had felt no kinship with the Domans. And even now I feel selfish, even feeling it in the first place.”

Yugiri looked at him, her voice gentle, but firm, “Seiro… Doma will be free. And you will return there someday. We both will.  There is work to do here, of course. But someday the time will come when we can return home.”

He looked at her longingly,and she did so back, and he leaned forward. Perhaps he wouldn’t have done so in less dire circumstances, it was rather out of character for him to be so emotionally forthcoming, but his lips met against her forehead. The chill of Camp Dragonhead seemed to completely disappear as he was pressed against her warmth, clutching against her soft hair.

He suddenly pulled back though, ashamed of how forward he’d been, afraid of having frightened her, but instead she was smiling, and pulled against his armor to motion him to lean back down, and she kissed him against the scales on the side of his face.

As she pulled back, her voice was breathy, “and here I was thinking I was a fool for even having any stir in my heart toward the great Warrior of Light.”

He felt his own heart flutter, with the same sort of stir she was probably describing, before it sank down, “I am no longer great. I am a fugitive who has lost almost everything.”

“ Don’t let Lord Greysfone hear you say that, or he might give you a rousing speech the same way he did Master Leveilleur.”

Seiro gave a small stilted smile at that, before it instantly cracked, “...Alphinaud is young. He lacks the baggage I do.”

He absent mindedly stoked his hand against the side of his head, feeling the jagged edges of his horns. Only hours earlier when Ilberd had first bound him, he had yanked at Seiro’s horns, bringing him down to his height, and spat into them, “ I should have known better than to ever trust an imperial lapdog like you. I know your kind, they lure you in with scraps when you’re young and train you like one of their ugly dogs. And the only cure is to put them down.No matter how much you play the hero, you’ll run back to your masters in the end.”

Since the moment he had stepped into Lord Veritas’ manor, he’d felt like a monster among men. It was a feeling that’d only become worse as he went through puberty, suddenly towering over his benefactor, his horns and tail growing out, his eyes having that uncanny ability of glowing in the dark, He had always had it drilled in him, that no matter what he did, and how he succeeded, he was just a monster among the Garleans.

And now in Eorzea, it was that Garlean connection that made him feel like a monster. Even now he still used the name “Veritas”, an obvious Garlean name, because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t remember any other name he’d had. It was a connection he wished he could break, but Ilberd for all his treachery had been right about one thing, it would never truly be broken. No matter what the Mother Crystal told him, no matter how she said he was her chosen warrior, he had initially come to Eorzea as an invader. 

Fitting for a shinobi, he did not see Yugiri reach for him, and his eyes widened and he was jolted from his brooding, as he felt her hands gently stroke his horns. “ I know it doesn’t mean much. But it takes much more than this to convince me I was wrong about your greatness.”

The smile she gave, so warm and inviting, made his heart beat even faster, feeling like it was about to burst from his rib cage. And yet again it happened so fast, first it was their eyes locking onto each other, and then suddenly they had pulled closer to each other, with Yugiri sitting on his lap, wrapping her arms around his torso. Their lips had been a fraction of an ilm from connecting, when they’d heard another voice.

“Would you like to be shown to your room dear friend? Though perhaps you want more privacy than sharing a room with Master Alphinaud.”

In the time it took for Seiro’s heart to sink to his feet, Yugiri had entangled herself from him with the speed and grace only a shinobi could have. She bowed apologetically at the Elezen looming over them with a grin on his face “Lord Haurchefant, thank you for your hospitality, I believe I should return-“

“Nonsense. You have my full blessing to stay the night. I believe it might help the spirits of our Warrior of Light here.” Haurchefant winked at him, and Seiro looked away flustered. 

“No, I must begin looking for the missing Scions.” Yugiri insisted, “The longer we wait to begin our search, the more likely their trails are to run cold.”

“Ah that makes sense. The best of luck to you then.”

As Yugiri walked past Seiro, she gently rubbed her hand against the scales on his cheeks, “We will meet again, Seiro. I know the kami will, will it.”

He smiled, giving her a nod as she left.

“I knew there had to be some way to defrost you my friend. I always thought it never suited a hero to be frostier than Coerthas itself.” 

Seiro’s face fell flat as he looked into Haurchefant’s smirk. He had never known someone to smirk in such a friendly way.

“ Do not be ashamed, Seiro. You two make a handsome pair.”

“...its frivolous to think of such things when my comrades are missing or perhaps...worse.” As the words left his lips, Seiro suddenly felt ashamed. Even Thancred, would not be entertaining the idea of romance right now.

“ The dawn always arrives, no matter how dark it is before. Life must continue. I doubt your comrades would want you wallowing in misery. Or well, in more misery than usual.”

Seiro knew that changing Haurchefant’s romantic stances on the world was as futile as arguing with the brick walls surrounding them, “You said something about a room?”

“ Ah yes. We set up a room in one of the barracks. You will have to share with both Master Alphinaud and Lady Tataru, which I apologize for,  but with the possibility of Dravanian attack-”

“As long as it's warm, I’m fine.” With Yugiri now having left, he felt almost relieved his normal practicality had returned. “Take me to it. I’m tired.”

[mirroralchemist]

Untitled FFXIV Trash pt.3

Still at it again :V. @but-two-days-old became my enabler. Also a great sounding board for my headcanons about my WoL

Word Count: 1,451 (the rough draft, it’s probably more with this upload lol) Notes: I feel like writing about That Scene(tm) is a rite of passage for FFXIV fanfics. So this is based the Ahm Araeng the second trip, so a loooot of spoilers. Also mentions The Vault a bit. One-sided WoL/Thancred and unrequited WoL/Haurchefaunt. But mainly time for sad times.

“You have no words for her?”

“Not today.”

I stared at Thancred, not really surprised. He seemed tired, the weary look in his eyes of years of regret. Being out here in Twine and seeing Magnus’ situation first hand is almost staring at a reflection of his own problems. I wanted to offer my support more than just a lending ear. I was grateful he could open up to me about our Minfilia, but I could do more.

Be more.

I took his hand into my own, just briefly, to know that I was there if he needed me. I let out a small breath. Being here reminded me of what I had lost. Hearing ‘Filia’s words brought back a bit of that pain I felt as I lost those around me.

If I wasn’t the Warrior of Light, a lot of those who were lost would still be among us.

There were many who were chosen to receive the Echo, surely if I had died another could take up the mantle?

“As the one who’s been here the shortest, it isn’t my place to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do in regards to ‘Filia.” I started, “But as your friend I will say this; don’t hold off until the very last moment to leave things unsaid. Once they’re gone, that’s it.”

I clenched my hands into a fist, remembering that day so clearly. The one of many regrets that collected over the time on my journey. As Haurchefant laid dying, so many words I should have said beforehand; so many feelings realized in that one moment that I couldn’t say. I thought I had made peace with it while pulling Nidhogg’s eyes from Estinien’s body.

Seeing someone make those same mistakes, especially someone I hold in such a high regard.

I couldn’t take that feeling.

“I’m going to do a couple hunts around the the town gates, when we all are ready let me know.”

I sprinted away from him. I didn’t want him to see me like this. Not so exposed, not when we have more pressing matters to confront. I would talk with ‘Filia when I can be alone with her. To tell her there are people who love her. That if she had disappeared tomorrow many of us would be sad. More than the Oracle, she was like a little sister to me.

In some respects, almost like a daughter.

I jumped off one of the ledges from Twine and landed on the ground. I whistled a familiar pitch, summoning my Chocobo. Giving me a soft “kweh”, I pet his beak.

“You ready for a bit of training Yusuke?” I asked as I took out a bundle of Gyshal Greens.

An excited kweh in response as I prepped myself for some combat. I took out my gunblade, watching it unfold to its full length. I had been training in secret as a Gunbreaker since my return from Gridania. I was thankful that I could cast a glamour on my clothing so one couldn’t tell when I was. When I had the free time from my duties here in the First, taking on jobs with Radovan and Sophie I learned to appreciate the role of being a bodyguard. I took stance, readying my ammunition to imbue with my aether. I took a few steadying breaths.

I need to clear my head as an occupied mind leads to mistakes in the battlefield.

“Let’s go!”

*   *   *

The enemies here were a bit tougher than what I’m used to. I sat on the sands, not even minding the grains against my legs. My gunblade discarded to the side. Yusuke standing ever beside me waiting his next order. I motioned for him to come sit beside me before giving lazy pets to his head.  He still gave out the same contented kwehs as if I have given him the best pats of his life. He did so well backing me up as I got used to enemies focusing their attention on me. I wasn’t confident enough to apply that to people just yet, but I could slowly warm up to the idea.

The hunts took my mind off the situation at hand for a while, but now they were coming back. I let out a small sigh. My hands began to tremble as I continued to stroke Yusuke’s plumage. Those feelings of self-doubt and regret welling up inside of me and wanting to burst. Yusuke nudged his head against my shoulder in some attempt to console me. I smiled shyly at my Chocobo.

He always was an intelligent creature.

“Thanks Yusuke. I’ll be alright, just it’s a lot going on.”

He started to kweh, before going rigid. Immediately, he stood up and got into an offensive stance.

“A protective little one, isn’t he?”

I scrambled to get up from my spot before gently touching the reigns on Yusuke to soothe him.

“It’s okay boy, Thancred is not a threat.” I spoke, petting his beak with my free hand.

It seemed only a couple minutes before my mount calmed enough that I could loosen my grip on the reigns. I could still feel some of the tenseness, but it wouldn’t be to the point that he would do anything without my command. I am not wholly surprised at the reaction, Yusuke has always been faithfully protective of me. From the day he was given to me by the Immortal Flames. Very few could take his trait in stride.

“I shouldn’t be surprised you would be talented in caring Chocobos too.”

“I...wasn’t.” I admitted, “Not at first. I knew the basics. But Lord Haurchefant, he..he had a way with chocobos. Taught me everything I know to care for mines. Even helped me inspire him to fly.”

I stroke around Yusuke’s head, watching as his sky blue plumes envelope my hand. I allowed myself to smile at those days in Ishgard. The times when there was a lull between putting an end to the generations long war between man and dragon. Those times when I thought everyone else was dead and it took all I had to not give in to the overwhelming despair; learning to take care of Yusuke with Haurchefant gave me just enough strength to go on.

He helped remind me that I was more than just the Warrior of Light; that I was Ami, a woman from Ul’dah and I was allowed to feel this way.

“You must have loved him very much.”

I paused in my pets. I turned around to face Thancred. I opened my mouth to say something, before promptly closing it. I never did talk about that day at the Vault with the others that didn’t experience it firsthand. And even then, there was a silent understanding that speaking on it was hard.

I’m sure the others had told him at the very least the main details of what happened.

“You said that once before.” I said, “That I had a look as if I lost someone I had loved back in Ishgard. It is...complicated. Looking back now, I did love him. My heart had yearned for a hopeless endeavor for so long that I was blind to those ahead of me. It took until he was dying from an attack intended for me that I realized; the notion of being by his side that intimately would have been pleasant.”

I let out a harsh breath reliving those days. I had told no one else of these feelings. I had buried them for so long. Saying them now felt hollow.

When all of this is said and done, what will I have to show for it? Sure the worlds will be saved, but what will I have to show for it?

“But I made my choices and I must live with the consequences of that for the rest of my days.” I bitterly realized, “Are the others ready?”

“Yes, the trolley is ready. Once our preparations are done we can leave.”

I gave a brisk nod as a patted Yusuke one more time. He kweh’ed one more time before taking off. I watched as he went towards the direction of the Crystarium.

“He knows his way back to the Rookery.” I said, “Where we’re going, it’ll be no place for him.”

I heard the shifting sands of Thancred closing in on me. I turned around to meet his gaze. In his hands was my Scaevan Magitek gunblade, in its compact form. I reached out to grab it, only for our hands to touch over the handle. It couldn’t have been more than a minute before he let go and I placed it back into my pack. His hand found its way to the top of my head.

“Once this is all over, I would like to see how far you’ve progressed with the Gunblade.”

I nodded dumbly at him. The shock of hearing such a request. He smiled wistfully at me before heading back into town. I stared at his retreating back for a bit while my hand absently touched the spot on my head his was just a few moments ago.

Now I see why ‘Filia always seems too happy to get those head pats.

[mirroralchemist]

Untitled FFXIV Trash pt.2

I’m back at it again with my bullshit :V

Word Count: 1834 Notes: Still set during ShB MSQ so mild spoilers. I would say it would take place a bit after part 1 but before being briefed about Rak’tika. Imma be real, I chose my tank class to be Gunbreaker 60% of Thancred being one (that coat is fucking amazing okay) and 40% because it’s heavily influenced by Squall, who’s my first FF love. This has translated to my WoL being inspired by seeing Thancred being a gunbreaker and her realizing that she is a fangirl of proper gunblades.

I totally forgot the name of the Aesthetician and didn’t want to go back and put his name in once I found it so chalk it up to Ami just not remembering long names well.

It wasn’t often that I was called to the Ocular alone. The Exarch usually calls us all as a group to plan our next step in our war against the Lightwardens. But it had been different this day. He requested an audience with just me.

I accepted, seeing as he has done nothing to warrant my suspicions.

Although, there has been that faint feeling I know him from somewhere.

Walking inside the room always brought the wave of nostalgia of my journey of the Crystal Tower. Maybe once all of this is done, I can search for any sign of G’raha.

“It’s good to see you.” the Exarch spoke.

I gave him a small smile in greeting. He seemed a bit more relaxed? Would that be the word? The wave of familiarity coming through, even envisioning a dear Miqo’te in his stead. I shook my head at the notions.

“Thank you,” I spoke in earnest, “We have an idea for our next step?”

“Yes and no. That is a discussion with the others present. I’ve wanted to speak with you privately, as I’m sure you wouldn’t want the others to know?”

“What would that b-”

“If I may be so direct, take a break. The citizens here appreciate your helping hand; from your physical prowess to your contributions to the Mean; we appreciate it all. But you are running yourself ragged, dear friend. I will not stand for any illness to fall upon you.”

I stood there frozen for a moment, taking his words in. After that fumble of a night from the past, I threw myself into helping the citizens. To work out my frustrations of my inability to clearly say what I wanted. I let out a small breath. I have an inkling how this came to the Exarch’s attention, but I will keep that to myself. Even with his cowl hiding his facial features, I can tell he was staring at me with concern.

Suddenly, I was meeting that older man the citizens always spoke in such fondness.

“Fine, but only for the rest of the day. I do not want to be the cause of hold you all back more than necessary.”

“Wonderful! Off you go then.”

A pair of hands grabbed my wrists as I was insisted to go through the gate that connects the First to the Source. I turn back to see the smirk of the Exarch as he led me to the other side. Before I could say anything I was back at the base of the Crystal Tower. I could easily go back and insist I could take a break within the First.

But that would defeat the purpose.

A quick Teleport spell and I am back within Ul’dah, the city where I began. Still as busy as it could ever be. Citizens and adventurers alike littering the streets. If I were to take a break, this would be the place. I could go visit the Pugilist guild and see how my old master was doing. Instead I made my way to the Quicksand. Another packed day it seemed. It warmed my heart to see that no matter what was going on in the realm, it would always be busy. I strolled over to the table where Momodi does her business.

A nice wave of nostalgia as she guides fresh adventurers on their paths, as she had done for me.

“Ah ha! There’s a sight for sore eyes. Just stopping by?”

I really could never hide my smiles when speaking with the Lalafell.

“You can say that. Apparently I’ve been forced to take a small break.”

“It’s always been like that for you Ami.” she admitted, “Even before the Scions scouted you. I remember when I had to tell you to take a break.”

I waved it off as a drink was set in front of me. I nodded in thanks before drinking it. She was right, as usual. I was grateful that she hadn’t asked about how they were doing. It would take a lot to explain, which I’m not sure if I am ready to dive into. Thinking about them brought me right back to the source of my current actions. I finish the drink in one gulp, thankfully non-alcoholic, before a small hand settles over mines. Momodi looking at me with that selfsame concern the others have been giving me.

“Shall I get an inn room ready for you?”

“...yeah. Oh and I think I’ll have the aesthetician make a visit today so just send him up when he arrives.”

“Of course, have a good sleep.”

By the time I reached to my room, everything was ready. It had been so long since I stayed at an Ul’dah inn. I took off some of my gear, feeling lighter now that some of leathers were off me. There was nothing to but to wait for the Aesthetician to arrive so I sat at the desk, going through my journals I kept of my adventures. Just to remember how far I’ve come from leaving that carrier and setting foot onto this land. How far I still have to go on this path. The gentle ringing of the bell stopped my reading for the moment. Going over to the door, seeing that the Aesthetician had arrived.

“It has been a while, ready to become a beauty reborn?”

I gave a small nod in agreement.

We quickly set up the room so he could get started. The tsk’s he made while brushing through my hair made it pretty obvious he wasn’t pleased about my maintenance for it.

“These poor strands. Some of it looks ready to break if not tangled. You must be careful, my dear. You have to let your partners know that pulling too hard is not sensual at all.”

“It’s not like that at all!” I whined, “I haven’t even had the opportunity to explore those parts.”

He chuckled as my skin starts turning pink from the insinuation. I touched a worked on section of my hair. I wasn’t sure what it was that appealed my more Hyuran enemies to yank on my hair.

No not enemies, just one.

The sensation of being pulled towards the armored foe. Watching with the last bit of consciousness as they raise their katana high, aiming for that fatal blow. The murderous intent reflected in their eyes as they wish for your death to plunge Eoreza into eternal chaos.

I shook my head from the memories. Taking deep breaths to calm my racing heart at the brush with my almost death. If it hadn’t been for the timely intervention of an aloof friend. A pat on the shoulder takes me out of my thoughts.

“ ‘Tis only a jest. Despite that, it has grown quite a bit.”

He handed me a small mirror. Surprising that when completely brushed out my hair has now grown to a bit past my shoulders with soft curls at the ends. It was a moment to take in, seeing this new side of myself. I looked as if I had celebrated twenty-eight namedays.

“We could cut it short, to prevent that from happening too often?” he suggested.

I look at myself in the mirror again.

“No, it’s fine the way it is. Perhaps we can have it look more cleaned up?”

His colored lips spread into a knowing smile.

“Of course dear. Still have yet to catch His eye huh?”

“It’s not like that at all. Gods, everyone seems to think that.”

Was it really that obvious?

I let him do his work in silence. It’s calming to have someone take care of you. No having to finger comb or wash it in hard water for a change.

“You’re well traveled, given your clients. Heard any good jobs lately?” I asked.

“Hmm, now that you mention it. The God’s Quiver have been looking for adventurers to help curb an increase of ambushes happening in the Shroud. There done!”

I stood up from the chair and took a look at the larger mirror within the inn room. It’s hard to believe that I was looking back at myself. My hair was trimmed just enough so the soft curls wouldn’t be confused with frizz. Even the straight fringe I normally wore cut to a side part which framed my face well.

I was...pretty.

“To your liking?”

“Yes of course, thank you!”

An exchange of Gil and a flourish farewell, I was left alone again.

I did say I was going to take a break today.

But that didn’t necessarily mean I had to do nothing.

*   *   *

At the Aetheryte plaza in Gridania, I could easily tell of the God’s Quiver member who needed help. Based on how frantic they looked, they really needed the help. It didn’t take long to reach the Bramble Patch, where most of these bandit attacks were occurring. Even less time to dispatch the bandits there were going after a traveling pair, dressed peculiar for this side of the realm.

I wiped the sweat off my brow as I put away my Cesti.

Glancing over at the pair, I see they didn’t look bad off. Other than the Rons-wait it’s Hrothgar in Eorzea, recovering from his moment of collapse, he and his Viera companion seemed fine. I walked over to them seeing what other assistance I could offer. I still had time before I was due back to the First after all. I paused once I got closer, seeing the cloth on the Hrothgar.

It wasn’t a pristine white coat, but it was definitely the same design.

I talked to the pair, Radovan and Sophie, learning of how they came to Gridania. The more I listened, the more I realized that there would have been no chance that he would have learned how to use a Gunblade from these two. I would have definitely heard about Sophie if that was the case. At any rate, seeing how I fought off those bandits sparked inspiration to Radovan.

He wanted to teach me the ways of a Gunbreaker.

I hesitated. Not that I didn’t want to learn. Quite the opposite in fact. From the first time I had seen Thancred sweep in and save us in Lakeland, I had become interested in the gunblade. Never enough to turn me away from my path as a Monk. From the first punch I landed, that path was destined for me.

But, it never hurts to have more skills under my belt.

Just, it’s mighty embarrassing to ask the man you’ve been enamored with to teach you said ways.

Suddenly, in a moment of complete clarity, something clicked. The way I could do more to protect the others, to protect the one I secretly cherish above all else. Even if they would never realize it. I assume Radovan saw the look in my eyes as well, for he pressed the handle of the gunblade deeper into my hands. A knowing smile of finding my reason.

I curled my fingers around the grip.