#my PCR was negative but I tested positive on a rapid the next day

[flamefatalis]

Nah man I’m feeling even worse this morning, so I’m taking off. My PCR was negative but I find it hard to believe I don’t have COVID. Maybe I tested too early? This is the first time I’ve taken off two days in a row in a while. I feel so guilty but I don’t want to expose anyone… and I need to take care of myself.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Reference saved on our archive

By Amanda Blum

PCR tests are far superior to rapid antigen tests—and now you can get them for home use.

Last week, I was about to go on a date, and because I'm severely immunocompromised, we agreed he would take a COVID test using one of my rapid home PCR tests. It was a courtesy—he felt perfectly fine— but he tested positive. By the next day, he was sick as a dog. And, by the way, the rapid antigen test he took when he got home that night was negative.

Regardless of how you much of a health risk you see in COVID, it is still, at best, an inconvenience that costs you days off work. A simple home PCR test saved me from that inconvenience (and worse), and if I'd relied on the common rapid antigen test or done nothing at all, I would probably be sick right now.

While the world has desperately attempted to move on from COVID, this summer saw the highest case loads since 2022, with a winter surge just around the corner. Almost 300,000 people died from COVID in the US over the last three months alone, so while the pandemic has transitioned into endemic, according to the CDC, there are still risks to be aware of. Around 400 million people worldwide have long COVID, where symptoms can range from annoying to absolutely debilitating, regardless of your age, pre-COVID health, or fitness levels. Cases of long COVID are crushing our medical system, too. The two best tools to avoid getting COVID continue to be masking and testing. Unfortunately, the PCR testing centers that used to be available in each city have long closed, and obtaining a PCR has become expensive and hard to locate. This is why home testing kits are so important.

While you may be used to thinking of COVID tests as interchangeable, there’s a big difference between the standard at-home antigen test and a PCR (molecular) test. Almost five years in, it’s important to understand why PCR tests are the ones you want when accurate testing is important.

The difference between a PCR and a Rapid Antigen Test What you normally think of as a home COVID test—like the kind you can order for free from the government—is a rapid antigen test. When these at-home COVID tests became available, they were a powerful tool to help people know they were positive so they could isolate themselves from others. Almost all at-home tests were lateral flow tests, also known as rapid antigen tests (RATs). They measure for proteins on the outside of SARS-C0V-2, but they have a major flaw: They can only detect active virus. If you’re asymptomatic or don’t have a high viral load yet, the RAT may show negative results while you have an active and contagious infection.

This is why, if you already have symptoms, a negative antigen test isn't conclusive. You may need to test a number of times to confirm you have COVID. When you first get sick, you may go a number of days (as many as five) without enough virus to set off a positive RAT test. RATs were designed to be taken multiple times in sequence.

A PCR, also known as a NAAT or molecular test, measures RNA and can detect even small amounts of the virus. This is why it has always been considered the “gold standard” of COVID testing. These tests are generally considered accurate starting one to three days before you experience symptoms. Until last year, you needed to get a PCR from a testing center, but home tests have evolved and there are now four rapid, at-home molecular COVID tests, meaning you test and get a result within 30 minutes.

Why we still need COVID testing The world is now divided into people who view COVID as part of regular life and those who, due to chronic illness, immune issues, previous infections, or age, cannot afford to get infected. For a long time, we viewed COVID testing as something you do for your own health, but home PCR testing represents a way you can easily protect those vulnerable people in your life without cutting them off from society.

But even if you're not concerned about others, you should still care about protecting yourself from multiple infections. While the likelihood you will die of COVID has gone down dramatically due to vaccines, medical interventions, and natural immunity from infection, the news has not done a great job talking about long COVID. As people get infected two, three, four, and more times, they are playing against the odds. It’s estimated that one in 10—or even as many as one in five—infections leads to long COVID, and to explain how much it’s not “just the flu,” COVID is now considered to be a vascular illness. That means it affects the blood vessels in your body, which go everywhere. Thinking of COVID as a vascular illness helps explain why long COVID is everything from extreme fatigue to migraines to numbness in your extremities, loss of smell and taste, extreme fatigue, and neurological and cardiovascular conditions.

While lots of people no longer even test to see if they have COVID, there are a few reasons to get a definitive answer. First, you can only get the intervention Paxlovid within the first five days of symptoms. Anti-virals like Paxlovid knock down your viral load, one of the things we think helps prevent long COVID. Second, no one knows who will get long COVID, and you might need proof of that positive test in the future for insurance or benefits or even to justify sick days.

Lastly, you need to get tested because it is hard to know when you have COVID. Symptoms of COVID include headache, body ache, fever, sniffles, congestion, fatigue, sore throat, vomiting, diarrhea, and loss of smell or taste. In other words, absolutely anything out of the ordinary. While a RAT is unreliable for safe socializing with people for the reasons explained above, a molecular test can pretty reliably clear someone to come in your house that day, or be in close proximity. In that way, these molecular tests can be a tool to help immunocompromised people back into the world and make multigenerational celebrations safer.

How to get a molecular/PCR test Outside of your home, your main options now are urgent care clinics and places that do testing for travel. In both cases, they’ll be expensive. In the case of urgent care, they’ll put you in the same space as all the sick people, who are now no longer required to mask in healthcare settings, so if you don't already have COVID, you might pick it up there. Fortunately, there are molecular (PCR quality) tests you can take at home.

Rapid molecular tests require a similar effort on your part as a RAT test. You’ll swab yourself and then insert that swab into a machine that gives you a result. There are currently just four brands of these tests available: Lucira, Metrix, 3EO, and PlusLife. Unlike RAT tests, you have to order them, although Metrix and Lucira tests are available on Amazon, and Walgreens stocks Lucira tests in select stores. For a long time, they were just too expensive for most people, so they were relegated to the likes of movie sets, law firms, and Google employees. Prices have gone down, so now they’re more accessible—as low as $10 a test. Here are your options.

Follow the link to see the full review with relevant links!

[nico-nico-suavecito]

Trans Year of Gratitude

Despair mitigation in the face of unceasing tragedy - a reflection on the last year following the Club Q shooting.

One year ago on Trans Day of Remembrance, I was scheduled to speak at my friend’s church about the nonprofit I work for. I was going to talk about queer joy and trans youth and all the work the church has supported us in doing. Then, I was going to pick up my partner and we were going to drive to Phoenix to visit my chosen family there, with a stop in Santa Fe.

I woke up that morning to a deluge of text messages and notifications, asking me if I was okay. I couldn’t tell you which headline first crossed my vision that finally pieced it all together. Just the flash of words. Club Q. Shooting. Injured. Dead.

In the months before this, I’d been in a state of trans revelry. I was back on testosterone. I was experimenting with self-expression and letting myself be the alt boy I never got to be in high school. My friends and I were going out dancing each week. I’d just entered a T4T relationship and was head over heels in love. I’d just restarted the queer open mics in October after a covid hiatus and was excited for them to be a regular event again.

I still went to church that Sunday morning, for possibly the first time in years. I struggled to be present — I kept scouring social media for news, reading my friends statuses and comments. “Has anyone heard from…” “Can someone confirm if they’re safe…”

I still went up to speak. Through tears, I wondered at our holidays. Trans Day of Visibility. Trans Day of Remembrance. I felt so much rage, the kind of rage that is love at its fiercest. We deserve better holidays than this. We deserve trans days of joy, and love, and everything beyond survival.

When I sat back down in the pew, I opened my phone. I saw that Daniel, who had been to my house multiple times for hair cuts and parties and who I admired as an out and proud trans man in our community, was gone.

I broke down in the pews. As the congregation sung “We Are the Ones” by Sweet Honey in the Rock, I started to write a wishlist of everything I wanted for trans people instead of what we were given. I wished us everything from bleeding bigots to coffee in bed with those we love. That’s how trans day of i love you was written.

That day, as people were sharing my post to their story, I started collecting people’s additions to the poem because they gave me hope and gratitude.

On the way to Phoenix, my partner Brin and I cried, wondered at the future that was feeling ever more uncertain, and we sang at the top of our lungs with Say Anything - Alive! Alive! Alive with love!

That night, when we made love in a Santa Fe hostel, I felt a certain urgency. Life felt so precious, so fleeting. I wanted to devour her. I wanted to be swallowed up by beauty.

She woke up the next morning with a cough and chills. One positive covid test and a six hour drive later, and we were back in Colorado Springs.

Like last year, I am in my house today, quarantining because of covid. This time, it’s been near impossible to find a PCR test to confirm it. My rapid test was negative, as it often has been when I’ve had covid. Still, in trying to keep my community safe, I can’t go to any memorials. I’m writing this instead.

In the months following, I was often asked, in interviews, by allies, in loaded how are yous, about how things are for queer people in Colorado Springs in the aftermath of Club Q. Whether things were better now that Colorado Springs has double the rainbow flags on display than it once had.

I think people want to hear that things are better. Increased support for the queer community in the aftermath would help our human desire for life to have a narrative in which tragedy serves a greater purpose. But it doesn’t. People are dead who should not be dead. They should be here, living their lives, with countless moments of joy before them. People are alive and still suffering their wounds, both physical and mental, with insufficient support. The needs of survivors have been buried beneath greed. Queer- and transphobia continues to be alive and well.

I don’t go dancing without knowing the emergency exits. Hiring security is now an essential part of hosting queer open mic, and this precaution is also salt in the wound.

What I can also say is that this community is so strong. The queer people of Colorado Springs continue to organize, fight, and live with a vibrancy that inspires me every day. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Still, following Club Q, the world feels more uncertain than ever. It’s an uncertainty that’s been growing — long before Q, long before covid, long before Trump.

It’s hard to look at the shooting in a vacuum. After all, every piece of anti-trans legislation that was introduced this year feels like salt in the wound that Club Q tore open. How can anyone heal when every day there is a new headline about a new group of people who want to legislate against you and people like you.

These years have begged so many questions, questions that many people in this country have been asking for decades: What does America hold in store for us? This country that cares so little for all its people that it would feed them to the maw of capitalism, a hungry god that can never be satiated? A country that let us down to the tune of one million covid deaths and counting? A country that shows time and time again how little it cares for the most vulnerable, with every mass shooting, every piece of anti-trans legislation, every new covid case, every instance of police brutality against people of color, every gallon of petroleum that will push us over nature’s tipping point, every dollar funding the genocide of Palestinians?

Recently, a friend of mine posted on Facebook asking how anyone can feel any peace and joy in the world these days.

I’ve spent the majority of this year trying to figure that out after years of burnout that, despite the fact that I have so much to be thankful for, had embedded a deep exhaustion in me that left me often anhedonic and withdrawn from, not only the world, but myself as well. I worried that this exhaustion would mean the end of my life-long career in activism and organizing at best, and the ultimate succumbing to despair at worst.

I am a person prone to despair, and have been since I was a kid. Not just sadness, but despair — a helpless emotion, a sadness without hope. I’ve always taken the world very personally. The first time I met depression and suicidality were in middle school when I watched An Inconvenient Truth. This started a year-long spiral, during which I was convinced that human beings were parasites destroying this earth, and as a human being, there was no way I could logically justify my existence. Despair has accompanied me since, even when I eventually realized that people are capable of immense love and beauty, and that the real drain on this earth is capitalistic greed and fascism.

I want to share here what has helped me as the case for despair has only continued to grow, in the hopes that it may offer a way forward for those who, like me, struggle at times to get out of bed, and who feel like they are often at the precipice of being consumed by said despair. And, as with everything I write, this is also a series of reminders to myself, as knowledge doesn’t always equal practice. I have been in a very despair-forward place lately, so I am hoping I might course correct myself in writing this all out.

I believe the three prophylactics against paralyzing despair are gratitude, hope, and action. I believe them to be three sisters unified in a dance, their chalices held to the air in service of joy. When I speak of joy, I don’t speak of the mythology of capital-H-Happy. I don’t think there is such a destination. I think of joy as a tool of resistance. I think of it as that which fuels us forward, in even the darkest of times.

If I am to continue to be an engaged and active resistor against that which seeks to annihilate all of us - corporate greed, bigotry, fascism, I can't be overcome by despair, despite being very prone to despair, as I've been for as long as I can remember. In that way, joy serves a vital purpose in the revolution.

Gratitude is a muscle I am trying to work out every day. I think we owe it to this world, this world that continues to be so full of beauty, despite all of the terrible things that happen within it, to try and be grateful for what is here and good right now. These moments — my boyfriend bringing me coffee in bed, the bird stopping by my bird feeder, sitting on the dock of the lake by my house, every time I go out dancing at the gay bar and nothing bad happens — these moments feel more precious than ever. I try to savor them, despite the knowledge that 1. terrible things are happening or can happen at all times, and 2. these good moments are likely to become more and more scarce for all of us if fascism and climate change progress at the rate they are. If I become overcome by despair with this knowledge, the reserves of my hope go unfilled and I can’t be of service to this world. So, I have to be grateful. I have to savor what’s good.

Gratitude also provides the foundation of hope. Hope is an intentional choice, and not one made easily.

“People speak of hope as if it is this delicate, ephemeral thing made of whispers and spider webs. It’s not. Hope has dirt on her face, blood on her knuckles, the grit of cobblestones in her hair, and just spat out a tooth as she rises for another go.” — Tweet by Crowsfault

Without hope, there is nothing to fight for. There is nothing to build toward. We have to have a vision of what can be. So many forces seek to take imagination from us, but we have to be able to imagine the future we want to build, not just the systems we want to dismantle. Admittedly, my imagination isn’t what it used to be — chronic stress has weakened it, but the gratitude that I am present with helps rebuild my imagination of what could be.

I am grateful when I see my trans friends happy and safe. What if all trans people got to be happy and safe. What if we could live their lives without an ounce of fear. What if we got to dance with abandon, without thinking of the emergency exits.

I am grateful when I see my trans friends have access to gender affirming health care. What if all trans people had access to gender affirming health care. What if it was free, and easy to access. What if that was the case for all health care for everyone.

I am grateful when I get to be in nature and feel how I am part of it, how I am, in the words of Alan Watts, “the universe experiencing itself.” What if we all felt that way. What if we all realized we create ourselves in the forge of how we love the world around us.

I am grateful for the organizers, the activists, the changemakers, the artists. What if the world was guided by people like them, people who lead with such a fierce love?

When I feel overcome by dread, it is their words that buoy me. One poem I return to often is Ross Gay’s “Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude.” If I go outside and listen to it and watch the birds, and the clouds, and the people pass by, I can mainline enough hope into me that I can at least do what must be done. Work. Love the people I love. Create. Organize and advocate. If I’m lucky, there will be enough beautiful things that happen that day that I can find more gratitude and hope to keep me going.

Hope and gratitude would be empty platitudes without action, the truest triumph over despair. I think that we all have roles to play in this world inundated with pain. I think we as a community are in the process of learning the power of our voices. The ways that we can amplify gratitude, and hope, and action in all we do, all we share, all we write, all we create.

I have started to see it as a cycle. Act. Act until you must rest and remind yourself of a future you can hope toward to motivate you. If you can’t envision a future you can hope for, be intentional in being grateful for what is so that you can see what can be. If you need to be reminded of what is, seek and create moments in your life that kindle the flames of your gratitude.

I say all this, and still, there are some weeks I can barely leave my bed. I always try my best, but my best isn’t what it used to be. But I have to try and try and keep trying. And gratitude, hope, and action, however foolish and futile they might feel at times, are the best ways I’ve found to try right now, so that we might be able to continue to fight like hell for the people we love, both dead and alive.

P.S. A note for you, reader. I am grateful you’re here. What if the world had more people like you? What would be possible then?

[liu-lang]

round 3 ☹️ my rapid test at urgent care was negative even though all my at-home tests are positive …they explained their in-office tests may not be picking up this variant… so they gave me a PCR test in addition…which I’m waiting to get results of within the next 2 to 3 days. I had planned to go to the bay to see my sisters but now I’m debating btwn cancelling altogether or pushing my departure date back

[quarantinehomies]

Lily: The Last of Us

Me and Valerie were the last ones still testing negative and were quarantining in another room due to the exposure. I was drawing in my sketchbook, as one does when you have nothing else to do but wait, when I noticed a note,“Go to page 101, Lily’s eyes only.” “Huuuuh,” I thought to myself. Page 101 read “Wanna go on a beach date next Saturday? -Richard :)” I involuntarily gasped loudly and looked at Val with wide eyes. She was immediately concerned and asked, “what, what's wrong?!” I told her, she laughed and recited a joke the singles in our group made when Richard and I first started openly flirting with each other, “when is it my turn to be happy?!,” as she jokingly smacked her fist on her desk. I giddily texted him my response.

A day or so later, Val and I continued taking rapid tests and they kept coming back negative, until the last test of the night when one didn’t. Val tested positive. We immediately put on masks and got into the beds we were sleeping in, at opposite ends of the room, and she texted the others who would take her in in the morning to continue quarantining. I still tested negative and the next morning she went to quarantine with the others.

I was now alone. In a room that wasn’t mine. With nothing but my thoughts. I had all the beginning symptoms of covid, sore throat, runny nose, overall sick feeling, but no matter how many tests I took I continued coming back negative. I began to doubt the reality of my symptoms. Having ocd, I began thinking my mind was just playing tricks on me and I wasn’t actually sick. I was rather upset at this point. I was sick, couldn’t be with my friends, was doubting my mind and body, and still couldn’t leave the room. I remember vividly, drawing in the same sketchbook I described earlier, sitting at Zeltzin’s desk in my pink heart pajama pants, jealous that the others were making the best out of a bad situation… without me.

A day later I got two emails, one with my PCR test results and the other detailing my next steps. I was positive. I no longer met UCSC guidelines for being on campus, and was given a covid representative to follow my case. Obviously I didn’t want to have covid, but I was relieved that I wasn’t making up my symptoms and that I could deal with this experience in the company of friends. I texted the group chat the results and it worked out well since Richard’s roommate wanted back into the room and I was considering continuing my quarantine in my dorm so the others could take over Zeltzin and Val’s dorm. However, my roommates did not want me back in the room. I was told I could be quarantined in my dorm, with my roommates, by the representative, but when I told my roommates the dilemma and the plan initially, they lost their minds.

Anyway, the group began their move to me, in Zeltzin’s room. Since it was a double, attempting to properly fit five people into the space was maddening. After the first night me and Richard were snuggled comfortably in a corner of the room, John at the other end, and Valerie and Zeltzin in their respective loft beds. 

As the days progressed I got more and more sick. My body ached, my throat hurt, my thoughts were scrambled, combined we were all guzzling Dayquil and Nyquil like it was nothing. I passed the time by talking with everyone, especially Richard, drawing, trying to keep up with homework, and sleeping. John was losing his marbles, he was pacing around, sitting in his funky camping chair, being agitated but still silly. Zeltzin and Val were mostly chilling, sick but just recovering in their respective beds. I was trying really hard to keep up with my book and writing for my Cowell 1 class but I already hated the writing she assigned us and the reading was incredibly long. If I was dreading these assignments normally, they were going to put me into cardiac arrest in the state I was in.

I stayed in my pjs almost the entire time we quarantined. There was one day when I began feeling slightly better so I did my makeup and put on regular clothes but by the next day I was sicker than before. Everyone else was already getting better at this point and I was still stuck, sick and in bed.

We decided to go on a mental health walk. Initially I was excited to leave the room for a little while but once we got from Merrill building A down to the farthest part of the field at Cowell I was exhausted, out of breath, and aching. I was still trudging along. When we got back to the room I took more DayQuil, because I anticipated doing work, but ended up knocking out in our little corner anyway. 

Zeltzin’s family invited us to a quinceanera, I don’t know the details since I was still testing positive, and lowkey mad I couldn’t go too, but once John, Zeltzin, and Val tested negative, they were rushing out of the room with a bag for the night and me and Richard were left on our own, the only two testing positive. 

We ordered snacks from 7/11, and drew, he played guitar. We ended up staying up till 5am just talking about various miscellaneous things, some serious topics, a lot goofy. The next day Richard tested negative but I still tested positive. I was stressed about missing another day of classes while the rest of them got to live life normally again. I finished reading an entire book for my Cowell 1 class and was pretty productive although rather lonely. 

The next day I finally tested negative and went to my classes like normal. I was ecstatic. After the fact I can confidently say that although none of us wanted to catch covid, I’m glad that we went through this experience together. I love all the people in our group, especially Richard, and I hope we continue experiencing our lives together!

[power-chords]

Probable COVID Definite COVID update: I went to unload the dishwasher right after it had finished drying, and Adam coughed and backed away and said, "God, I don't know how you can handle the fumes!" I was like, "What fumes? ... Oh, motherfucker." Stuck my nose in the coffee bottle again. "SON OF A BITCH!"

I can get very faint whiffs of things if they are right up in my face, but I'd say it's about 70% gone. Which is better than December, when it was 99% gone, and remained that way for a little under a week before slowly, incrementally returning.

I have no other symptoms aside from mild, intermittent fatigue and muscle soreness, that lidocaine-in-my-nostrils sensation that I described yesterday, and a very faint headache. I am keeping my PCR appointment for tomorrow because I want to see if I test positive, and if I do test positive I want it to be counted. I'm also going to continue rapid testing over the next several days, because we have an abundant supply.

When I had my first round of Omicron, I didn't lose my sense of smell until a full week into my bout with the virus. Which means I could have had it this past week and not even known it! I was definitely feeling fried at the office, but I wasn't otherwise unwell, hadn't been to any shows in weeks, and chalked up the tiredness to work stress — I've been at ******* for seven and a half years and this is the busiest I've ever been. Ever! So I had no reason to suspect a COVID case, especially when my direct superiors (with whom I have some intermittent, masked contact) were all using the office PCR machine and testing negative. Fucking nuts.

My company requires that we wear N95 or KN95 masks in all common areas, and we have air purifiers in each office + a diesel HVAC system that we upgraded the second we signed the lease. So I think I probably picked it up on the Metro North, where mask compliance is between 25-50% on any given train car on any given day. Probably closer to 15% when you account for the cloth masks/people wearing them under their noses/pulling them off to sneeze (you'd be surprised how many times I've seen this happen).

[94monkeys]

Hello from COVID isolation

Where there's nothing to do but post... except work I suppose.

So here's what happened: On Wednesday I was about to head out to see friends. I had a little tickle in my throat, nothing I would even take meds for, but I took a rapid test just in case... wherupon I got the very faint positive I already posted.

For safety's sake, I did not go see friends and I ran the apartment isolation plan we used when my spouse got it. I immediately took a second test of a different brand, and that was negative. I have not tested positive since then. Thursday I felt more tired than usual, but that could have been from canceling all the things, notifying everyone who was a close contact and stressing about these outcomes (also adjusting to sleeping on an air mattress, which is fine... but not my bed). Today I feel quite good actually.

As far as I can figure there are one of two equally unlikely options:

a) the test was borked

b) I had COVID, fought it off enough that I didn't notice, and only caught it at the tail end. (I don't regularly take tests so I hadn't taken one in weeks... probably just before we babysat my sweet nephew.)

I guess b) is a little more likely because last week I was at a client conference where I know people tested positive after (plus it was in a hotel so a lot of in and out traffic), although I don't know if I was their close contact. I was masked 95% of the time when I was inside, the remainder being drinking water and iced coffee indoors but away from everybody. Most people were not masked, of course. On the other hand, cooking a baby and whatnot, I am very aware of my symptoms and how I'm feeling—probably more than ever before. It's hard for me to believe that it would be so mild that it wouldn't even occur to me to test.

Post-test I felt really sad and guilty that I had failed to protect my sweet decembaby by maybe/likely getting COVID. But as my sisters remind me, I did as much as I could—it's society and the prevailing YOLO COVID attitude that failed me. Yes, it would have been safer to not drink anything or at least go outside and try to find something—but dehydration and exhaustion are real! (And I don't even know if it was the conference—the next most likely vector is public transit, which I really can't avoid because I have to go to work, I can't walk there and I don't have a car.) I played the hand I was dealt. I am glad my OB got back to me right away and gave me sound guidance on how to deal.

I'm going to isolate through Monday (5 days) and get a PCR test that will hopefully fully clear me. Props to my insurance's 24-hour nurse line for talking me through this and also complimenting me on my COVID preparedness (sad laugh). Cruel irony, I was supposed to get my updated booster on Saturday and now I either have to put it off for a few weeks or a few months if I actually did have it (which I hope an antibody test will establish, but I can't get that within 2 weeks of positivity). (Update: An antibody test, at least the common consumer type, cannot distinguish between vaccine antibodies and infection antibodies. Sorry about the misinfo.) So close, yet so far!

[jikookerie]

Hey so glad to hear youre travelling! I'm assuming you're travelling as a foreigner? Just want to ask, because i'm planning to go later in the year:

do they accept overseas vaccination cards? or how do you get them approved before leaving?

there is no quarantine when you arrive?

for someone who doesn't speak any korean, will it be super dificult to travel around?

re public transport, is it easy to navigate?

Hello Anon,

Yes. I am traveling as a foreigner from the USA. I don’t know where you are coming from so what was true for me may be different for you if you are not American. So check the Korean requirements for your country.

Here are the answers to your questions for Americans:

1. Vaccinations are not required to come or at least they weren’t when I came in June 2022. I am fully vaccinated and double boosted and brought my card with me. But make sure to get your K-ETA visa before you come and register your negative test in QCode before you leave. They will ask for the place you are staying and their phone number and address. They will call them too.

2. No quarantine is required unless you test positive when you arrive. You have to test negative before you are allowed on the plane to Korea. You can do a PCR test up to 2 days before you leave or a supervised rapid test 1 day before you leave. The day matters. If you leave on Wednesday then your PCR test has to be from Monday or later. The supervised Rapid test has to be from Tuesday. Then when you arrive in Korea you have to test again within 24 hours of arriving. We went through customs and then immediately went to test in the Incheon airport around 6 pm and got our results the next morning in our email. You are allowed to travel to your hotel or wherever you are staying but cannot move around from there other than to get food until the negative result comes in. If you test positive then they will quarantine you for 7 days. So wear that mask everywhere before coming. After that you are free to move about the country. They will call whoever you left as the contact and ask for the negative test results.

3. Is it difficult not knowing Korean? Depends on where you plan to travel. In Seoul, Busan, Daegu, it is easy. Most people speak English to a degree and they are used to having a lot of foreigners so it is tailored more for non-Korean speakers. Outside of the cities, it is more difficult but is do-able if you use Papago app to help translate. I speak a bit of Korean but I use Papago a lot in the rural parts of Korea. Don’t let not knowing Korean hinder your travel. With that said, make sure to get your wifi or SIM card at Incheon before you leave. And download KakaoTalk, Papago, and Naver maps in your home country before coming here. You cannot get them here usually.

4. I love their public transport system! I travel all over using it. It is superb in the bigger cities like Seoul Busan Daegu etc. In the countryside, it is great but requires more planning because the buses don’t come as often and stop earlier in the evening. Also you have to navigate the Intercity buses but the Intercity Bus app is useful but takes a lot of planning. There are taxis though in the rural parts though.

In Seoul, I prefer to use an app called Citymapper to find my way around. But Naver Maps is good too. I use Naver Maps everywhere else to find my way around.

Depending on where you stay, use the airport bus or AREX to get from Incheon airport to your stay. I have used both. The hotel I stayed at this time was perfect because the AREX was right under the hotel. And the hotel was smack in the middle of Hongdae easy to get to and Tons of fun, food and shopping.

Jeju is harder to get around for me. So I usually book bus tours. They are awesome and I get to see so much with them.

I hope this helps. If you have any other questions or need recommendations for Airbnbs or hostels or hotels itinerary let me know.

Jikookerie💜

[whentherewerebicycles]

life updates:

I was worried about a kid who had totally dropped off the map in May but we just reconnected and had a great meeting about next steps for her project. I think that just as I had to fall out of love with Austin for a little while to make it ok to leave, I also had to fall out of love with my old job for a couple weeks so I could get excited about new ones. but I spent a big chunk of time yesterday doing detailed planning for program wrap-up and setting up meetings with the kids who wanted to keep working on projects over the summer. I want to make sure I’m doing right by them and giving us all good closure on the mentoring relationship!!

I wrote the two surprise essays this morning (it took the whole morning as anticipated sigh) and applied for that job. it was annoying but I did a good job of shepherding myself briskly through it and not letting myself obsess over making the essays perfect. I kinda hate DEI essays because I feel like the prompts can be so “tell us about your heroic commitment to Diversity!”, and I find it tricky to fulfill the genre expectation of the job letter (center your initiative and showcase your skills!) without it feeling white savior-y. I also hate it when they ask you “tell a story about a time…” because if you tell a student story it feels like you’re using your relationship with a student to get professional points, which is very icky to me! but I wrestled with it and wound up writing a long thing about what designing for equity looks like in my work, and also about how I use that kind of systems-level design thinking to at least partially mitigate unconscious bias in cross-racial mentoring. I feel like I conveyed a clear sense of my values & my practice without using students as props in a DEI statement. so that’s good! I’m happy with that work.

I just got a swift desk rejection for a higher-up position in the same university system… like a 24-hour turnaround lol. but it’s kind of a relief to have the first “no” out of the way!! and the job was a serious reach so I don’t feel crushed by it either lol.

I have COVID I think 😔 I spent part of of the 4th with Michelle and she tested positive yesterday. I woke up with a sore throat this morning and have a heavy/congested feeling in my chest, plus just general light malaise. I’m testing negative on rapid tests but I think those are basically useless if you’re not ragingly symptomatic so I’m quarantining anyway and will get a PCR tomorrow if I can. it’s not too bad yet. Liz said day 1 wasn’t awful for her but days 2-4 were real rough.

since I might be quite sick soon I think I am going to try to get one more job app today? I’ll take a look at my list and see if there’s anything easy. then: vacation from job stuff.

[jenseits-der-sterne]

Need to Vent...

So, I had a nice New Year’s Eve day. It was a very chill, at home kind of day: I reorganized a room in our place and I hung up a bunch of stuff on the walls.

Mid-evening my dad texts and says our immediate family should do a Zoom call at 11:30pm to be together virtually for midnight arriving. That was fun too, for a while. We all were just chatting, catching up, etc. We kept hanging out after midnight passed too.

But just as the call was ending, things went to shit. But before I get there, let me back up and explain how our family’s Christmas went.

So. I have 2 sisters, let’s call them M and R. I have a brother, let’s call him K.

M lives down in Maryland. She and her husband are vaccinated. They have a 1.5 yo baby who’s not vaccinated.

R lives in NH and is unvaccinated. At this point, she’s the only one in my immediate family who isn’t vaccinated. This has been A THING for a while now. We’ve all tried to convince her in our own way, but she hasn’t done it yet. She’s told me that she’s “more scared of the vaccine than she is of the disease.”

And it’s not just that she’s unvaccinated, but she’s probably the least careful out of all of us. She goes to the gym, she goes to dance classes, she goes rock climbing in-doors. She does all kinds of in-door activities unvaccinated, lots of places to expose herself to COVID.

For Christmas, my parents planned to go down to Maryland to spend that time with M’s family. R was going to go with them.

My husband and I were planning to spend time with his parents. My father-in-law is immune compromised, so we tell my immediate family “Hey, sorry, we’ll need to wait to see you all and exchange gifts after Christmas.” My dad’s disappointed, but understanding in this. We plan to meet up this weekend, on either today or tomorrow, 1/2.

Some more helpful context is to know that NH is really bad right now, in general, with COVID. The numbers are crazy high with the omicron variant, worse than they’ve ever been in 2020 and 2021. And to boot, only about 50% of the state is vaccinated.

On 12/21 R went to the gym to train with her personal trainer. That day, after the training session is over, the personal trainer texts her and says “my fiance and her mother have tested positive for COVID.” So, R gets a PCR test and goes into self-isolation.

My parents then decide they’re going to wait for R to get her PCR test result back. If it’s negative, they’d give R the opportunity to drive down to Maryland with them.

It takes a long time for R to get her PCR test back. The times on getting the results back are lengthened because so many people are getting these tests.

My parents hold off on going down to Maryland. Christmas slips by. Finally, a couple days after Christmas, R does get test results: they’re negative! Woohoo!

But... down in Maryland, M, her husband, and 1.5yo test positive :( M’s work informs her on 12/28 that she was exposed in the office on 12/20. They had actually started to feel the symptoms on Christmas day, but didn’t realize it was COVID yet. So far, the three of them are doing well. They’ve all been sick with congestion, coughing, fatigue, etc. M thinks they’re on the mend, which is great.

So, it’s just as well that my parents and R didn’t drive down to Maryland.

On 12/27, my brother K goes to a Christmas party. Some dude at the party spends like 1.5 hours in the bathroom. K learns the next day that this dude had COVID. My brother K immediately drives back to his college apartment and goes into isolation. My brother is both vaccinated and boosted, which is great. I’m crossing my fingers he hasn’t caught it. As far as I know, he has not gotten a PCR test, but he has done a couple rapid tests that show negative.

Fast-forward to last night.

So, at the end of the Zoom call,my dad’s like “Hey, we should all get together Saturday or Sunday!” - this is regarding those of us in the NH area, those of us close enough to get together.

This is when R says that she can’t. We ask her why.

WELL. She went to see the personal trainer again on 12/30! Early in the week, this dude texts R and says “I’m taking training appointments again this week”. So, R signs up for one. Even though this makes NO SENSE timing-wise, if he’s been around COVID positive people for him to be ready to go back to work.

She does ask this personal trainer if he has COVID, if he has a positive test result, and the personal trainer stops responding to her texts at that point. You think that’d be a huge red flag, right?

So, R still goes to the gym anyways, which is INSANE to me as a choice for so many reasons. During the whole training session, apparently the personal trainer is acting tired and lethargic. He’s not working out like he normally does during R’s sessions. R asks him again in person if he had a positive test result and he still doesn’t answer her.

R stays the whole training session though (???), leaves, and is upset with this personal trainer. She goes to get another PCR test later in the day.

So last night on the Zoom call, she tells us all this. She explains,  “Well, the trainer and I agreed to wear masks for that whole session” (which implies that otherwise, they do not wear masks. Despite the fact that they’re both unvaccinated. Despite the fact that he never answered yes or no on a COVID result. Yeah.). And then R tells us on the Zoom call that, “Oh, my personal trainer, his fiance, and his mother are all unvaccinated, too. They all seem to be recovering fine though from COVID!”  

I’m just sitting there shell shocked.... My husband has to get up and leave the room because he’s about to lose his mind and blow up at R. 

My dad then is just still TRYING to find a way for me, R, K and my parents to still get together. At this point he’s upset/sad that we all haven’t seen each other, we still have Christmas gifts to exchange. 

My husband is off camera gesturing wildly at me that this just cannot happen. K is still in isolation, R was potentially exposed AGAIN on 12/30. 

R then puts the onus on ME to make a yes or no call on all of us getting together because out of everyone, I’m the one who’s spent the most time trying to convince her to get vaccinated. I tell everyone then that I’m not comfortable with it. 

The call ends. I stay up late late into the night thinking, crying, feeling guilty...

The thing is, I’m terrible with confrontation in the moment. I tend to freeze up, like a deer caught in headlights. But I really wish I’d not done that last night. I really wish I’d just asked R a lot of questions point blank about the choice’s she’s made.

I’m not happy my brother went to that party and may have been exposed to COVID. But, at least he’s got the protection of the vaccine and a booster. Day to day he’s much more level headed about COVID than R is. I think he’s making poor decisions because it’s the holidays and he’s back from college and wants to see his friends

M and her family getting COVID wasn’t her fault. She has to go into the office for her work, it’s lab work that cannot be done remotely. It sucks. I’m grateful they’re on the mend now. 

I’m so frustrated by all of this. I get it that people are tired of COVID, social distancing, quarantining, etc.. 

I get it. I really do. 

I’ve felt sick all day today over this. My digestion is all out of whack from the anxiety.

I know I need to have A Conversation with my parents about this. I need to basically ask them about what they know about my sister R’s behavior and non-vaccination. I know I need to tell them that in January, I’m going to be going through some medical procedure stuff that’s going to make me medically compromised in a way I haven’t been before this. 

I know my family already probably thinks I’m “too cautious” about COVID, but I’m about to have valid reasons to get even more cautious.

I’m afraid they’re going to take this as a personal slight or something? I’m afraid they’re not going to understand or take me seriously on this?

My family has a history of cutting ties in a very permanent way. This happened in my dad’s generation between his own parents and his siblings. 

I’m afraid history is repeating itself and that I’m going to be one of the reasons for this.

Maybe I need to be very candid about some of these fears with them? Be earnest and open? I don’t know. 

I’ve already tried that with R back in November and it didn’t get her to vaccinate. So. Idk. I feel powerless.

I just really need to vent right now. 

I think I need to do something kind for myself today to take my mind off of all of this. I want to write some dumb, self-indulgent fic... 

[thedept]

It’s time for a round of “Am I The Asshole?”

The parents of one our son’s closest friends both tested positive for Covid. Our son sits near this kid whenever possible, and this kid has never met a mask she keeps over her nose. Let’s call her Jane for ease.

They told only us and one other family from the class. This was last Thursday 11/18. The parents got their positive results that day and Jane was in school; they let her finish out the day and then took her for a test, which came back negative the morning of 11/19.

My wife and our kid got PCR tests on Sunday 11/21, then all 3 of us got PCR’s on Tuesday 11/23, and finally all 3 of us rapid tested on Thanksgiving morning. All 8 tests were negative.

We hadn’t heard from Jane’s father since 11/19. Her quarantine, as a not-fully-vaxxed person (she’s one dose in like my kid) would end on Monday 11/29.

Last night we, and only we (not the family of the 3rd friend) get an email from the father: Jane’s quarantine has been extended through Friday 12/3, without telling us why. Our son’s birthday party is Saturday 12/4 (it’s an outdoor thing with a small number of kids), so since she’ll be off quarantine he’d like ideas for birthday gifts.

My wife emails him to ask if Jane later tested positive. She did.

Recognizing that our kid is in a class with Jane and barring anyone moving or transferring will be for 3 more school years after this one (they’re in a program that travels together from K through 5th) and that they also live in the building next door to ours, I’d like to burn it down and never speak to this family ever again. I realize that isn’t possible.

What I would like to do is to suggest to Jane’s father that he was evasive and secretive and that A. he told just 10% of the class in the week leading into Thanksgiving that his daughter was directly exposed, and then B. told nobody until he was absolutely forced to that Jane later tested positive. It’s dangerous and shitty, and while everyone has a right to medical privacy I think in the midst of a pandemic we have a moral obligation as parents of school-aged children to inform classmates of a potential positive, let alone an actual positive.

I also think he has balls suggesting that his kid should come to our son’s birthday party 13 hours after her quarantine from being positive ends, so she can mix and mingle with 9 other kids.

So, AITA for telling him to fuck the fuck off?

[liu-lang]

hello i'm still alive, still recuperating.

i started to having a sore throat on sunday, july 10. this was how my covid during the december 2021 omicron wave started too. but since i already had covid, i didn't think anything of it.

i kept going to work like normal, eating cough drops. i got a pcr and rapid test from a tent outside work on monday, july 11 and it came back negative, i felt relieved. okay, maybe this is just a bad sore throat. by tuesday, july 12 i had a runny nose.

i woke up with chest pain that progressively got worse on wednesday, july 13. i also always have intermittent chest pain (like my whole life) so i didn't think much of it. i start to develop a cough on this day too. after work, i get another pcr and rapid test at a tent. i decide to go to urgent care for chest pain so i walk like 15 minutes to a citymd. by the time i get to citymd, i have my rapid test results, it says negative. i go in and explain my symptoms, i show the medical assistant my negative covid results from the tent test i took not even 1 hour ago. he seems chill about it, gives me a covid test just because and says he will do the strep test after.

(i get the PCR tent test from july 13 back the next day and that one comes back positive)

after 15 minutes he comes back and looks at my covid test and says "oh no you're positive" and he promptly leaves the appointment room and says a doctor will come see me. i am like super confused at this point but also this is familiar to me since this is exactly how my omicron covid diagnosis happened where my test at pharmacy/tents were all negative and i only got positive tests at urgent care.

the doctor comes in, he asks about my symptoms, when was the onset, what vaccines i have (all 3 moderna) and my prior medical history. i talk about my congential heart defects and he says he will give me paxlovid since i'm high risk and he implores me to make an appointment with a cardiologist. he tells me to watch for worsening symptoms especially fever or shortness of breath.

then the real nightmare begins. at this point, i am in midtown manhattan. i tell them to send the rx to the rite aid by my jackson heights apt since it's really close and all i wanna do is take the meds and sleep. i take the 7 train back home. i walk to the rite aid and they say they don't carry paxlovid. i'm confused. the pharmacist calls like 3 other rite aids in the area. no paxlovid - why no paxlovid in a densely populated neighbourhood with low income working class immigrants ?? the only other rite aid i can think of is the one by my ridgewood apartment. so i tell them to call and ofc they have it there. so then i have to go all the way back to ridgewood - i had to take 3 trains. i fetch the paxlovid and then i commute back to jackson heights. by this time, it's like after 20h - it literally took me over 5 hours to get the medicine i need. apparently you can search at pharmacy's websites to see what medicines they have in stock but the last stock date was 2 or 3 days before so who knows if they still had the medicine by then. how does this work ?

anyway, i didn't want to take chances and i had to do stuff at my old ridgewood apartment anyway. i take the paxlovid and am confused by the bitter metallic taste in my mouth. i learn about paxlovid mouth for the first time. it's major yucks but i'm still super grateful to have access to it even though i nearly passed out commuting to get this medicine.

i've been quarantining at home by myself. we have overlapping leases btwn the ridgewood place and this jackson heights place so the moment i texted my roommate i tested positive, she went to the ridgewood place. i haven't seen her in 5 days. CDC says 5 days quarantine but my job wants 10 days and a negative PCR test for my entry pass to be activated again and i can return. i have two at home covid test, i wonder if i should test a little before the 10 days or just wait. i think the paxlovid stopped my symptoms from progressing to something worse but it doesn't feel like it shortened the duration of my symptoms. omicron covid gave me really painful body aches and fever - this time i don't have either of those but my throat feels like i'm swallowing glass, i have a gross-sounding cough, nasal congestion and migraines. i have a high tolerance for heat (grew up in sg at the equator) but it doesn't help to live in a 5th floor walk up in the middle of summer with no ac. i think that contributed to my migranes. i haven't put up curtains in my room so once the sun's up my room would get unrelenting direct sunlight and i felt like i was being boiled alive. i'm also extremely fatigued. every time i got up to walk down the hallway, it felt like i was a hot air balloon that had been shot down and was slowly deflating and descending from the sky. my heartrate is consistently over 100 with the highest being like 130.

anyway can't believe i'm only half way through quarantine - i haven't seen anyone else in a week. i wake up and it takes me awhile to rmbr what day it is. i feel like my brain fog is very bad - this doesn't bode well for all the reading/learning i meant to do over the summer to prepare for year 2 of grad school.

on the plus side this is the last day of taking paxlovid - it’s been so disgusting tt I’ve barely been able to eat anything without instinctively retching right after. I did see this article where someone claimed cinnamon candy helped them - it’s too late for me but maybe someone else might find this helpful

[msjessicaday]

when i tell you i’ve had the worst few weeks…a couple weeks ago (just before christmas) i get a really sore throat so my mom takes a look and says it looks like tonsillitis/a throat infection. i go get a pcr anyway and it comes back negative. my symptoms worsen a bit over the next few days (i started to cough and was quite fatigued). as i’m starting to feel a bit better, i start getting this pain in my ear. my mom takes a look once again and says it’s infECTED. so i’m now dealing with a throat infection and ear infection simultaneously. i start taking antibiotics which i end up having an allergic reaction to (my entire body became really itchy) 🥲 also this whole time i’m getting The Worst sleep. ANYWAY, i pretty much recover from my throat infection and ear infection entirely after twoish weeks, and i go approximately three (3) days feeling like a Person again before i wake up with yet another sore throat and a cough. this time i get a rapid test and it’s POSITIVE. as per the requirements (which changed like literally an hour ago — i can no longer keep up), i had to get a pcr to confirm i have covid. so that’s what i did this morning. started lining up at 6:50am and got tested at 10:00am. now i have to wait probably 6 days to get my results because of the delays but i’m 90% sure it’s covid this time. LIKE. i wanna cry. actually i have cried a few times and will probably cry again. i’m just tireD and have forgotten what not being sick feels like skdkskksksks

[weclassybouquetfun]

In mid-October there were laments from Academy and guild members that the screening rooms had paltry offerings for the then-impending awards season, but  now as we're sliding December that has all changed.

Screenings and panels have been running rampant, a  far cry from last year when  the  pandemic  put everything on ice. It hasn't-however- reached the level of pre-pandemic days.  Pre-pandemic there were so many events  happening  all at once at the same location -it was like Comic Con, whereas now there is breathing room. Let's see if that changes come December as a few more films enter the fray.  As we go back to  in-person events each studio has their own way of handling it.  I've been to screenings where you just need to show your vaccination card, one studio requires vaccination and a negative  Covid test 72-hours before the event; Deadline held their annual Contenders  panels - an all day event - which required a vaccination and a Covid test 48 hours before the event. Netflix took it further with requiring vaccination and a negative PCR Covid test 24 hours prior to the event. Netflix was facilitating the testing as it was short turnaround. But they have now backed off of the Covid test requirement. I'm unsure if it's because they got pushback due to the short timeframe or because of the fact that the 24 hour rapid testing is prone to produce false positives. Case in point, Don Johnson, father of Dakota, was seated for the premiere of Dakota's Netflix film THE LOST DAUGHTER (which won Best Screenplay at tonight's Gotham Awards) when he was asked to exit the theater and was told his test came back positive. He argued that the result was wrong but, of course, still had to leave. When he re-tested it came back negative. While Netflix's FYC site is pushing many films/documentaries, it's easy to tell which films they are truly championing. The ones they are rallying behind are Jane Campion's THE POWER OF THE DOG, Maggie Gyllenhaal's THE LOST DAUGHTER, Rebecca Hall's  PASSING, and Lin-Manuel Miranda's TICK, TICK..BOOM!, but the one that seems to be Netflix's favourite child is Adam McKay's DON'T LOOK  UP. 

I wrote off McKay's DON'T LOOK UP due to the large cast, chalking  it up to being zany bit of nuttiness like Tim Burton's  MARS ATTACKS!  or those classic disaster films with Hollywood legends. But seeing how Netflix is going all in on it has made me realize that Netflix is  truly looking  at this as a contender.

Which shouldn't surprise me as McKay  has managed to get Oscar nods for the fantastic THE BIG SHORT and the  less fantastic, but no  less well-received VICE. McKay - a executive producer on HBO's SUCCESSION has come a long way from just being Will Ferrell's writing and producing partner (the two created the now defunct website "Funny or Die" and co-wrote Ferrell's biggest hits like ANCHORMAN, TALLADEGA NIGHTS:THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY","STEP BROTHERS" and "THE OTHER GUYS" and ran the now dismantled production company Gary Sanchez Productions.

Ferrell has continued on with the off-shoot of Gary Sanchez, Gloria Sanchez Production which produced HUSTLERS, BOOKSMART, BARB AND MAR GO TO VISTA DEL MAR and Netflix's DEAD TO ME and the Will Ferrell/Paul Rudd starrer THE SHRINK NEXT DOOR). The film is already receiving acclaim for and even a few nominations already. Recently at the Hollywood Music in Media Awards Ariana Grande and Kid Cudi's "Don't Look Up" was nominated for Best Song (Feature Film)

losing out to Billie Eilish's "No Time to Die" and Best Song (Onscreen Performance) losing out to Emilia Jones from Apple+'s CODA. There was a win for the film with Nicholas Brittell taking Best Score (Feature Film) beating out notables like Hans Zimmer, Alexandr Desplate, Harry Gregson-Williams and my dude Jonny Greenwood. Zimmer got his win in BEST SCORE (Sci-Fi / Fantasy) for DUNE.

[commiekinkshamer]

We are running out of PCR tests and limited supply of rapids. Starting next week they won’t be able to test you at all unless you’re a healthcare worker or resident of a care home. Instead you have to hope you can get your hands on a rapid. The health system is stretched to it’s absolute limit and we’ve reached max test capacity. They don’t have enough staff and lab resources to process the tests anymore. Our positivity rate is climbing. We probably just won’t know what the true numbers are anymore since people with positive rapids have just been instructed to isolate with no actual follow up. We have the second highest case rate in all of Canada

On a side note, I inexplicably tested negative. Which, as fucked as it sounds, I’m honestly disapointed about because I was hoping I was an asymptomatic case. Now, WHEN, not if, I am exposed, or catch it, I’m going to miss more times off I can’t afford. With my job being shut down due to the outbreak, I’m stuck at home anyway

And now I can’t really access any tests to tell if I become positive, (it’s only been a few days since my exposure, I am a close contact of THREE different people) so I’m terrified to go anywhere and my anxiety is actually worse now that I’m testing negative

[nik-the-bik]

my mom just tested positive for covid after spending all day w/ me wednesday and thursday and visiting everyone at thanksgiving on thursday and thankfully i'm vaccinated but she's not but she has real mild symptoms but i still decided to go get a test right away but didn't expect to take a rapid antigen test and not a pcr test and here's hoping i don't get a big bill from my insurance for that and the antigen test came back negative but the test was self-administered and idk if i did it right and i have work tomorrow and haven't been in the office in 5 days and if i miss my boss will be 100% alone tomorrow and i have reports due and my mom literally laid next to me all night wednesday into thursday and was holding little babies at thanksgiving and oh god oh fuck