#my 'fun girl who doesn't get upset' vibe is gone

[becca-e-barnes]

I've been really caught up in the thought of gentler, intimate sex recently and the thought of it almost slipping into body worship. I write a lot about men appreciating a feminine body but there's something so lovely in slowing down and truly taking time to appreciate the man you're being intimate with.

I think it’d so grounding to have slow, passionate sex with dbf!bucky.  The type where even the pleasure of sex and mutual orgasms comes second to the pleasure of just feeling him.

Because I think being on top, almost just cockwarming him while you steal pleasure from the gentlest touches would be so rewarding.  His dick inside you has you feeling pleasantly full but for now, you’ve parked all thoughts of paying it any attention.

Instead, your fingers glide through his hair, parting it with very little resistance.  He’d let it get slightly longer recently but it suits him well, as do the few greys scattered through the roots.  It feels soft and with each little graze of your fingernails against his scalp, he groans quietly, his hips rising slightly off the bed to press himself impossibly deeper inside you.

He thrives off touch and that’s all you want to give him.  You want to touch him and never stop but as you tear your focus away from his hair, you let your hands wander lower.  Your fingertips drift over his cheeks, the light dusting of stubble feels coarse under your touch but it’s certainly not unpleasant.  Meeting his gaze makes your chest ache because you wonder how often the beautiful man under you sees himself the way you do.

He links his hands in yours, slotting your fingers together before bringing one of yours to his lips and kissing across your knuckles.  You didn’t expect this tenderness but God, you need it, almost as much as he does.

“You’re beautiful.”  No matter how many times you tell him, it never feels right. It's not the word you're looking for but saying nothing would feel like more of a crime than being inarticulate.  

He chuckles quietly to himself and doesn’t say much, watching as you grind your hips, seemingly desperate to remind yourself of the fact his length has found a home in your body.

“You feel perfect.”  Your voice is shaky, rational thought consumed by the feeling of pleasure thrumming through your veins once more.  Your soft, wet cunt glides down on his length like you were made to fit together like this.

His strong hands land on your hips, guiding your rhythm, keeping you moving nice and slowly.  In the meantime, your hands drift from his bare shoulders, down to the expanse of his chest.  Your fingertips tease the tiny, soft curls of hair across the breadth of his chest but you’re entirely consumed by the heat of his body.  He’s so warm and it’s a very pleasant reminder that you really are here with him. You have all the time in the world. 

Reaching the centre of his chest, you feel the gentle thumping of his heart under the flat palm of your hand and for a moment, it all just feels so real.  There’s nowhere else you’d rather be than right there in the room you share.

“Baby…” He groans, his voice low, arching his hips off the bed to fuck himself into you because you’ve been so distracted, you let your mind wander.

Fuck, that feels good.  The tip of his dick nudges perfectly against your sweet spot, right where you need it and you feel yourself flutter in response.

“Good girl, just hold still. That's it. Good girl.”  You do as you’re told, letting him thrust into you from below, losing himself in a way that you only want to encourage because it feels incredible for you too.

Your fingertips desperately try to dig into his chest and you notice how his skin dimples under your frantic touch.  Every one of your thoughts are about this man in that moment.  Nothing else crosses your mind and nothing else matters.  You’re consumed by the smell of his aftershave, the heat of his body and the glide of his cock in and out of you.

“Touch yourself.”  He encourages, his teeth gritted, holding back for your sake.  He’d usually take the opportunity to touch you himself but this time he needs you to do it and you’re more than happy to.  “Please, fuck, I’m so close.”

Hearing him broken like that makes you wetter than you thought possible.  He’s always so stoic.  He never loses control.  He’s calm and reserved and admired for his composure but not when he’s inside you.  You’re the only person who gets to hear how he sounds when his self-control slips away and it’s beyond rewarding.

Your fingers circle your own clit, rubbing yourself while Bucky continues to thrust up into you. He's so close to losing it. He's hanging on by a thread, promising to fill you, to stuff you full and make you a mother.

He knows you far too well and you're cumming within a few minutes, mindlessly riding out your orgasm on his dick. His need comes second for just a moment, pleasure making your body tighten and throb around his.

You vaguely register that he's cumming too, shortly after you do. You feel his hips stutter and then the telltale pulses of his cum into your body. He groans, holding your trembling thighs to keep you in place until he's given you everything he can.

[vole-mon-amour]

2x02, part 2.

the way Sevika is STILL loyal to Silco, even though he's dead and she doesn't have to. i saw some spoilers, but I'll say this as if I haven't: the way she doesn't like Jinx, never did, but tried to help Silco understand Jinx being upset and how she'll get around. she's loyal to Silco, therefore she's loyal to Jinx.

gosh, I love Sevika. she truly is trying her best to fill Silco's place. she was his loyal guard dog for a damn good reason.

her expressions!! let's go, Sevika, let's go. the animation is so good. it's so subtle, so smooth, you gotta pay attention to the frames.

there's something so special about both Sevika and Jinx still hanging out at Silco's office, and both Sevika and Jinx talking to Silco. i'm pretty sure Sevika didn't know that Jinx is there, so she spoke out loud, but she knew where to aim WITHOUT HURTING JINX (!!) because Jinx hang up there often enough for Sevika to remember.

listen, I have 4 favourite characters in this series and that always was the case: Silco, Jinx, Sevika, VIktor. i love them with all my heart. Sevika was always such a great character & she deserves way more love.

poetic cinema.

just shows how truly important he was, what a strong grip he had on Zaun.

i like how when Sevika throws a piece of furtinure in her outburst, Jinx doesn't even BLINK, not to mention flinch. the way they are connected to Silco and how well they truly fit (for the lack of a better word) him.

the little scowl. babygirl, i love you so much.

baby girl. baby. this is such a cool little representation of how their process looks before they draw frame by frame/animate the thing to look smooth.

i hope Jinx kicks their asses. the fact that she's coughing but she can STILL breathe in this, just like Silco did when others couldn't. take off your masks, assholes, let's see how you can handle this gas.

honestly, Vi, this is such a dirty move. you never wanted to accept that Powder was always Jinx and Jinx was always Powder. Silco loved Jinx. you? maybe, in your own way, but maybe, mostly, the idea of your little sister? because Silco would NEVER do this. he accepted Jinx for who she always was and is. if he didn't, he wouldn't allow her all those things that got him in trouble and never wouldn't give her all the materials and all the playground that she wanted.

the coughing, crying, screaming fit. i'm so :_; for her.

"Baby Blue. Right through their fingers. You must be part eel."

And you must be a whole piece of shit, beating Jinx with such hatred for all those years you couldn't bring hard to her because of Silco.

i just want to hug her and hold her tight. she's the best girl ever.

LET'S GO, THE TWO CLOSEST PEOPLE TO SILCO EVER. LET'S GOOO.

i LOVE that Sevika tried to use Jinx's gun, but Junx fixed Sevika's arm, so they exchanged the weapons. Sevika managed not to only throw Jinx her gun, but managed to catch the arm. i also love that Jinx can shoot that gun without even looking. this is a symbiotic relationship that i currently ADORE.

i'm in love with this. <3

this is adorable and made me smile so much.

the smirk. the music. the babiest baby of all babies (the baddest bitches ever).

i'm pretty sure Sevika will hate the adjustments that Jinx made to her arm but hey. it's a free fix :D it's almost 2 am and here i am, smiling. i love this show so much. i didn't know i could have so much fun with it without Silco. it's a new vibe completely.

this is BADASS.

there are SO many expressions in this little scene, i couldn't possibly fit it into this post. yeah, i'm completely in love with this so far.

babygirl, please, i am begging you, destroy Vi. Silco aka her family is gone, Vi is being an asshole to her, so she's ready, more or less. let's fucking GO.

love seeing Jinx and Sevika communicating. love the "you've got that look in your eye again, what are you planning?" which simply shows you how well she knows Jinx.

also,

"i haven't asked you for this" "it was something I could fix."

aka it was no trouble for her. she loves the mechanical stuff. she does it with ease. Sevika's strong side is the brains and brutal force, so they work well together.

[cringecompanionapologist]

Cradle of the Snake Part 2: Adventures of the Mara!Doctor

So, I took a fuckton of screenshots for this and I had to cut it to just fifteen, most of them being Turlough and the Mara!Doctor. Time to overanalyze some dialogue!

When last we left our heroes, the Doctor was fully taken over by the Mara and is now trying to spread its influence to some of the locals. The script directions try to explain what the Mara is actually doing when it possesses someone:

So, Mara!Doctor is supposed to be the dark side of the Doctor? Mara!Doctor is mostly just Obviously Evil in general, so I don't really know what this means here. Hopefully, we'll find out as we go.

Mara!Doctor tries to turn Tegan against Nyssa. This has no strategic benefit for it. The Mara is Chaotic Evil and just wants to cause more problems.

Mara!Doctor shoos Tegan away and then uses the Mark of the Snake to traumatize the cab driver. But, the cab driver's not important, so he doesn't get possessed.

The Mara specifically wants this entertainer/mad scientist named Rick to join him, but he has to get through the boy working for him, Baala. It doesn't work because Baala is special, as we'll learn later.

The Mara looks for some Darkest Dreams to close in on, but he's got nothing and has to take a break from recruiting the locals.

Meanwhile, Dadda, a sort of snakecharmer priest, uses his evil-detecting snake on the Doctor's companions to clarify that none of them are under the Mara's influence at this moment in time. Something was up with Tegan, but it's gone now, Nyssa is fine, and Turlough apparently gave Dadda some bad vibes but the snake is cool with him.

Turlough is sent to look for the Doctor, giving me something better to do than just recap the plot with a few screenshots thrown in. There's no particular reason Turlough had to be the one that left. It could've just as easily have been Tegan or Nyssa who left to search for the Doctor, so the Mara would've had to have been ready for any of them. Mara!Doctor was watching the whole snake thing at a safe distance, since the snake would sense evil on him.

I must once again emphasize that Mara!Doctor is Obviously Evil. There is something obviously wrong here. His voice and speech patterns are different. There's something really obviously "off" about him, that none of his companions seem able to immediately identify. Tegan thought he was acting weird earlier, but in a "in a bit of a bad mood" sense that was easy to dismiss. Turlough doesn't even notice that.

This leads into the reoccurring theme of temptation with the Mara. Mara!Doctor suggests that Turlough forget about Nyssa and Tegan and go have some fun at the fair instead. It's a very "Sunday School PSA" sort of temptation. "Ditch your responsibilities and go have fun instead".

The Mara!Doctor, while still being Obviously Evil and Not the Doctor, actually does manipulate Turlough here by singling him out. The Doctor's being secretive and Only Turlough Knows, because he can keep a secret, right? Turlough's not usually the trusted confidant, so this is a positive change. The Doctor trusts him. After all the Black Guardian stuff, Turlough wants to be trusted.

So, Turlough is worn down by this special attention he's getting. The Doctor wants him to be involved in Secret Business that the girls aren't in on and now they're going to spend some quality time together at the fair.

So, we're off to the fair! The Doctor wins a carnival game, but he still believes the game was rigged against him and gets upset, even though he won.

As for the Doctor's Dark Side, this feels like a petty version of the Doctor's sense of justice. This is unfair so it has to be stopped. He also brags about how clever he is. Five's one of the less arrogant Doctors, but the Doctor commenting on his own intelligence isn't exactly uncommon.

I would love to know what kind of Giant Cuddly alien animal that toy is. For some reason my own mental image of it is off an octopus. It can cuddle you back, I guess. I'm weird.

Mara!Doctor casually hands the prize off to Turlough, who doesn't act like he's carrying a giant stuffed animal throughout the rest of the story, so he most likely abandoned it somewhere. I would be mad about the stuffed animal neglect, but there's too much going on here to stop for that. I hope someone gave it a home.

Mara!Doctor looks for more problems to cause and Turlough tries to keep up. He goes on a bit of an evil rant.

Turlough's response to just being asked what he wants is interesting. "I thought this was our night on the town". Mara!Doctor asking Turlough what he wants isn't a contradiction of it being their night on the town. It could even be interpreted as "What do you want to do next?" or "Want me to buy you something?". From Mara!Doctor's tone, he clearly means it in a more "tell me all your hopes and dreams" sense, but it's still an odd response. What Turlough wants and this being their night out are correlated.

This night out, this quality time with the Doctor, was what Turlough wanted. Now he has it, but it's all wrong, because it's not really the Doctor he's out with.

Turlough falls back on having learned to accept things. And the words in context with his last line feel like "It turns out that what I want is impossible, but I'm settling for what you'll give me."

The Doctor, as himself, taught Turlough to be thankful for what he has, but this whole experience being such a let down means that the Mara!Doctor has also taught him that he's never going to get what he wants, the Doctor's trust and undivided attention, and he just accept that. At least the Doctor is part of his life.

Mara!Doctor is still in Evil Rant Mode, but the script directions here are kind of funny:

Turlough is embarrassed. You'd think he'd be scared by how obviously wrong this is, or concerned because there's something wrong with the Doctor, but he's embarrassed. The Doctor's antics are ruining their date and attracting attention from strangers.

By this point, Tegan and Nyssa, with Dadda's help, have figured out that the Doctor is possessed and Turlough's alone with him. It's quickly assumed that Turlough's been possessed too, which isn't surprising. It's not even an unfair assumption. The Mara has been going around possessing everyone with a name. Why wouldn't it possess Turlough, especially if it's already possessed the Doctor, someone Turlough would be easily persuaded by and comfortable getting close to.

The Mara hasn't possessed Turlough yet because it would actually break a pattern. The attempt to possess Nyssa through Tegan was when they were alone in their bedroom. Kerrem was possessed while alone with the Doctor in his office. The Mara doesn't seem to strike in public places. Kerrem screamed when he was possessed, so it would obviously attract attention. The entire time Mara!Doctor's been with Turlough, they've been at a crowded fairground. The Mara is waiting until they're alone...

This happens at the abandoned studio where the Mara hopes to continue its plan for world domination, just bringing Turlough along for the ride. By this point, Turlough has either realized that something's very wrong or is just done with all this bullshit and wants out.

But, in the abandoned studio, they're alone now. So the Mara can actually try to possess Turlough, which would definitely prevent him from leaving.

Turlough saw the Mark of the Snake on Tegan's arm and should know that it's associated with the Mara, but he probably never expected to see the Doctor be possessed. He's the Big Good of the universe in Turlough's mind. He protected him for the Black Guardian, basically the Devil. The Mara couldn't possibly be more powerful than that!

Turlough's "I don't know" is similar to his "well" before deciding to go to the fair. He's actually being convinced, more by the Hypnotic Evil Power of the Mara than by anything that's being said. But, it's also the Doctor offering Wealth and Power here...

But, they get interrupted and the Mara!Doctor pulls Turlough into a nearby warehouse.

Turlough is sort of tempted by the Mara's offer, even after everything else that's happened. We're also back to the double entendre with Nyssa and Tegan in part 1. They're alone together, one of them removes some of their clothing and offers the other basically whatever they want. It stood out with Nyssa and Tegan because it happened in a bedroom. It stands out here because Mara!Doctor took Turlough on a date first. So, if this was a sexual offering, Turlough would totally be up for it, but Mara!Doctor is being too rough with him. Not being a gentleman, just leading him to an abandoned building and grabbing him like that! In his "darkest dreams" it was way more romantic. Worst. Date. Ever.

Okay, I've had my fun.

Anyway, Mara!Doctor locks Turlough in a stall. He has to meet with Rick now, so he doesn't have time to possess Turlough. He can't bring non-possessed Turlough along to the meeting, because he might hinder his plans in some way. But, he can't risk Turlough escaping and tattling to Nyssa and Tegan either. So, he has to lock him up somewhere.

The Mara!Doctor hurt Turlough. Turlough thought the Doctor would never hurt him. He trusted him. This is when he starts to get really scared.

[theflixdiary]

Aquamarine (2006) directed by Elizabeth Allen Rosenbaum

age rating: 13+ genre: teen, fantasy, coming-of-age country: USA language: English screenplay: John Quaintance, Jessica Bendinger, Alice Hoffman

major cast: Sara Paxton, Emma Roberts, JoJo (credited as Joanna 'JoJo' Levesque), Jake McDorman

plot summary:

a sassy mermaid named Aquamarine (Sara Paxton), washes ashore after a storm caused by her father who's upset that she doesn’t want to marry for anything less than love. on land, she befriends two local girls, Claire (Emma Roberts) and Hailey (JoJo), and together they try to prove that true love really does exist.

if you enjoyed this post, don’t forget to show some loves by leaving comments / likes / reblog / help me to spread the words. follow me for more reviews!! ❤︎❤︎

my thought on the movie below (may contains spoilers):

Aquamarine is a typical summer crush of a movie—so sweet, so charming, and then gone before you can get tired of it. it’s one of those teen flicks that feels like a sunny beach day wrapped in a pastel bow. and honestly? it’s perfect for what it is—a lighthearted coming-of-age story with a splash of fantasy that doesn't try to be anything more than fun and easy to watch. the casting of Sara Paxton as Aquamarine is spot-on; she’s got that bright-eyed, slightly rebellious charm that makes me root for her from the get-go. plus, Emma Roberts and JoJo bring a grounded vibe as her loyal besties, Claire and Hailey. let me tell you, JoJo was the pop sensation back then, and she was just 15 when they filmed this! even though it’s her first movie, she jumps right in and totally holds her own. the story isn’t trying to change the world here, and that’s part of its charm. it’s got a sprinkle of teen drama, a dash of friendship goals, and a pinch of “OMG, she’s a mermaid!”. that was enough to keep me happily glued to the screen, especially back when I first saw it as a teenager.

Raymond, the beachy heartthrob lifeguard they’re all gaga over, absolutely looks the part. he’s the kind of guy you’d expect to see running in slow motion with the ocean breeze tousling his hair, though I’ve got to say, he’s not exactly my type. if you’re a teenager or just in the mood for something light and nostalgic, sure, watch this movie! I adored it back in the day because it was so relatable—teenage friendship, first crushes, and a mermaid on a mission. but watching it again now as an adult? well, let’s say my enthusiasm has mellowed a bit. I probably won’t be rushing to rewatch it anytime soon, but I can see myself stumbling across it in the future, getting hit with nostalgia, and maybe giving it another whirl for old times’ sake.

poster credit: IMDb edited using canva

[doyouknowwhoyouare13]

Nyx reads It's Not Summer Without You

Ok you guys so when I read the first book I read it in a day so that's what I'm gonna TRY to do however, if I don't finish it there might be spaces in between where I sum up everything I read while at school, just a heads up!!

Anyways here's the obligatory warning, DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO READ THIS!!! It's just for fun but it might get annoying, I promise it won't hurt my feelings 💀

and of course

SPOILER WARNING!!!!

ok before I actually start

I gotta come clean

AT THIS POINT IN TIME.

I am a jeremiah girl

I have been don't even start he's the cutest shut up

anyways

Conrad isn't bad I'm just saying I like Jeremiah better

AND I did hear conrad ain't good in this book so I mean

ok actually chapter one now

so I read the first book last year

so I have no idea what's going on

but I'll figure it out

OK THAT WAS KINDA CUTE

oh right that happened.

omg I know someone named Cory

he'd do the same thing!!!!

this is literally the first chapter wtf

I'm about to cry

chapter 2

omg he called!!!

jeremiah still better

I gotta admit they're cute though

and steven slays per usual

chapter 3!!!

oh I hate Taylor I'm sorry

so annoying ngl

poor Laurel :(

cory seems nice though!!

istg if taylor don't

OMG IT HURTS STOP

chapter 4!!

JEREMIAH???

WAIT WERE THERE POVS IN THE OTHER BOOK?

HOLD ON

GOING TO CHECK

THERE ISN'T

WHAT IS THIS

who cares it's my fav!!!

oh that's sad.

NOO NOOO NOOOOO

HOW COULD YOU??

I'M CRYING NOW TOO

anyways

after I chilled out a bit

chapter 5

stop.

I just stopped crying.

stop it.

ok there the tears go again

you guys, we're only on page 31, chill.

STOP. IT.

"And I've been praying, I never did before"

esny has been in my head this whole chapter it's devastating

NOT BOTH OF THEIR DADS

FUCK THAT SHIT

bro. not mtr rn. I'm already crying.

stop it.

CONRAD???

BELLY. NO WAY.

holy shit that was a fucking rollercoaster I'm still crying omg

alright let's keep going!!!! chapter 6

GONE??

this is actually so sad

I came here for cute summer vibes

not sobbing less than 50 pages in

chapter 7

istfg

i hate this girl

she makes ME crazy istg i actually

UGHH

ok cinderbelly is really cute though

chapter 8

uh oh another pov

BUT JEREMIAH!!!

oh we're going back

good cause then I won't cry

they're so taylor swift coded

oh shit ok I lied

I'm gonna cry wtf

it's ok jeremiah I'll love you for her!!!

I feel bad for him tho ngl

chapter 9

this is so sad wtf

help me please

THE LAST LINE??? I'M GONNA CRY AGAIN BRO

chapter 10

istfg taylor swift is out to get me

fucking

fucking yoyok??

I'm gonna cry

wonder how many times I've said that

bro I'm already almost out of sad tabs what

ok so I read like a lot at school and when I say a lot I mean A LOT like I'm now on chapter 29!!!

anyways still love jere, hate mr. fisher, feel bad for conrad, wonder why her dad and mom broke up but that was prob in the first book

ok we're starting mid 29 (and adding 30)

I'll kiss him for her!!!

also when did they start calling her bells

I mean it's cute but where'd it come from

you're right. you don't have a right 😭

weren't you JUST upset about Conrad?

yeah he doesn't love her cause he loves ME

I'm delusional just go with it!!

NAH NOT ANGIE 💀

how do I remember her but like not half the other stuff help

omg taylor again

I'm sorry I despise her

both of them are driving me insane rn 💀

chapter 31

DECOMPOSING ROSES 💀

reminds me of andrew's spidey "Let's just get out of here" while shaking his head

I love that scene

he's so cute

but anyways back to the book

bro connie getting on my nerves

FORGIVENESS

CAN YOU IMAGINE

oh belly I'm gonna cry

JERE!!!

oooh someone jelly

jelly over belly

LMAO

PROVING MY POINT

JERE>>>

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

IS THERE SOMETHING I'M LIKE MISSING OR WHAT

chapter 33

SHIT I FORGOT HER NAME WAS ISABEL

BELLY.

OMG WHAT

and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad

I have a lot of regrets about that

WOOHOO WE GOT HER!!!

JEREMIAH!!!

chapter 34

ew yellow popsicles

jelly at age 13 bro

AWW HE DID GET SICK BUT BELLS HUNG OUT WITH HIM

chapter 35

STILL JERE!!!

I feel like this is the first time I remember him speaking badly of his dad

I love him sm you have no idea

chapter 36

bro

connie gotta think before he speaks stg 🙄

he likes his bacon like my dad does!!

I like my dad a lot better than mr. fisher though

GO LAUREL!!!

FUCK MR FISHER

um girl

that's your daughter

why are you like

yknow what who cares

chapter 37

JERE!!!!

why is she

ok I got a bone to pick

1

why is she a better parent to the boys than belly

2

WHERE TF IS STEVEN?

oh this is so sad :(

chapter 38

I am officially out of sad tabs

BUT NO WORRIES

FOR I HAVE ANOTHER PACK!!

look at her being a genius

come back...be here!!!

so taylor coded

I'm adding chapter 39 here too

too lazy to add a divider 💀

omg girl shut up about connie jeremiah is right there

I'm calling him connie cause it's funny and I know he would hate it

like matty boy

Chapter 40!!!

OMG BELLY FLOP!!!! WOOHOO

there's my cute summer book

I missed you

SEE JERE IS RIGHT THERE GIRL

slurpees!!

Oh NOW he remembers stuff 🙄

chapter 41

oh jere don't do this to me

scripting out her death cause I can't deal no way

BRO I'M GONNA-

omg good job connie!!

SEE HE REMEMBERS

JERE IS BETTER

COME ON BELLS HOW CAN YOU BE SO PAINFULLY OBLIVIOUS

YES

YESSS

THERE YOU GO JERE THERE YOU GO

WOOHOO!!!!

wish that was me though ✊😔

YESSSSS!!

uh oh connie is back

ngl I'd be mad pissed

CONRAD

I KNOW YOU MAD AND I WOULD BE TOO BUT DAMN

my words shoot to kill when I'm mad!!!

chapter 42

oh my god

bro

you guys gotta talk this shit out ngl

ohhh not steven don't do that to me

CONNIE BRO

bro istfg if you go back to connie I'm gonna cry again

43

this is driving me insane ngl

BELLYYY

NOOO THE END??? WTF YOU MEAN A COUPLE YEARS LATER???

excuse me is she leaving a wedding?

um

bro how am I supposed to wait a year

I'm gonna cry

[shiny-jr]

So hoyo revealed all of the harbingers

I saw that. Okay, this is just my thought but... doesn't it seem a little too convenient for the harbingers to be revealed now of all times? Now when Sumeru characters were just leaked earlier and dropped too at around the same time? So the harbingers practically overshadow the Sumeru characters? I feel like Mihoyo saw that Sumeru's banners were ready to flop because a good part of the Western fandom was still upset with the lack of representation for people of color. So their solution was the harbingers. But I could be completely wrong. Personally, I most likely won't be wishing for any of the Sumeru characters for this reason. But moving on...

Anyways, I liked the trailer. It had good music, good visuals, the tension was there. I just wasn't... hyped. Look, I'm almost always rooting for the villains in the media I see. But for some reason I just don't like the harbingers or the Tsaritsa. Don't get me wrong, they're okay. I don't dislike them for the most part, but I don't like them either. Here's my unwanted opinion on each harbinger:

La Signora - Glad she died. I hated her. She played the villain role, but it wasn't entertaining, scary, or fun in the slightest. She had her use, she's gone. Also, I did not really like her design. I also wish the one who killed her died too, to be honest.

Tartaglia - Ehhh. I kinda don't care about him. I think the only reason I lean more towards very low-key liking him is because he was a somewhat entertaining villain and he has an interesting past. What makes it better? His English voice actor is funny. I like him.

Scaramouche - Funny little dude, interesting design, very very interesting lore and how he's kind of like a god almost? But his personality annoys me. I wish we saw more of him in Inazuma, but I assume we'll see more of him in Sumeru. I wanted to add him to my team of five star short boys but there's a rumor that he'll be a completely different person when he's playable so I'm kind of iffy now.

Dottore - Based on what I've heard, his personality and interests make me not like him. But he's probably gonna be the one to steal the gnosis from that cocomelon iPad kid disgrace of a god. What's he gonna do?? Give her a bunch of fidget toys in exchange for the gnosis? Just because he's going against the dendro god, I'll probably end up liking him more later.

Pantalone - Funny name. He looks like Baizhu. Most hyped for him, and not even because of his design or personality or anything. I'm excited because I'm 99% sure he's voiced by Michael Tatum, aka voice of Sebastian from Black Butler, Kyoya from OHSHC, etc. I don't even like those characters, I just like the voice actor. So I want to see more of him. Not sure if I'll wish for him though.

Pulcinella - Honestly, I'm relieved that all the harbingers aren't young guys and girls that Mihoyo can use to advertise and gain money off of. It makes the most sense to have some older members.

Pierro - This dude looks really really cool. Giving off major dilf vibes. If he's interesting and actually appeals to me and becomes playable, I might be interested in pulling for him if I'm still playing genshin by then.

Capitano - Take off the mask.

Sandrone - Idk, I know she didn't speak but I don't like her already. I'm not too fond of her. She doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. But that machine or person carrying her? Reveal your name, sir. Are you a machine or man?

Arlecchino - I'm not too sure about her design, but I actually kind of like her based off the lines she said. It's not much to go off of but it's something.

Columbina - Get off the coffin you Lilia Vanrouge wanna-be.

[wtftarot]

Tarot Reading

This is a lil reading on how you can own your power like a badass.

This reading is for entertainment purposes only and is not a replacement for therapy.

Pick 1,2 or 3 and scroll to your reading.

Pile 1

Hey, Pile 1. You have a lot of potential inside you, like damn. I'm seeing though that you're dismissing it because it doesn't look like what you think power should look like. You tend to see power as logical, strong, unyielding. What you're not seeing is the power that's emotional, gentle, and caring. It's like you feel like if you feel like you can't be soft and strong. Bless your heart. Honey, hasn't anyone ever told you that you can be caring and supportive to someone and still slap an asshole? Even if they're the same person? I'm gonna try not to rant because everyone seems to think that being both is being two-faced or fake and that's one of my pet peeves. Because it's not either of those things it's knowing the time and place to be caring and the time and place to kick ass. Anyway, you're neglecting the parts of yourself that are softer and more emotional in favor of the logical parts when true power lies in a balance of both. You feel like you will lose what power you have if you embrace this softer side but babe, that's not what's gonna happen. Embracing it will double your strength. Look at mother nature. She's nurturing as shit but have you seen a tornado? Having emotions doesn't take away from your power. Like ok. If you saw someone hurting an animal, you would be sad and fuckin angry, and you would probably go beat their ass. Now, did being upset about it make you any less likely to beat that fuckers ass? No. If anything it would make you beat their ass more. It's like you think that connecting to people is a weakness? You can connect to people and have boundaries. You can have deep friendships and still kick ass? It seems like you're holding your own power down because you think of it as vulnerability. Maybe you're a writer or artist who hides all their work but if you would show it to others you would kick ass. Maybe start small. Send it anonymously to an art account and ask for advice. Hell, send it to me, I would love to see it. (I promise not to post anything w/o your permission. Although if you send it anonymously and want feedback, I may just write a post with my thoughts and post it cause that's the only way you'll be able to see it.)

Pile 2

Sup, Pile 2. It looks like you're kinda torn about your ambitions. You have strong ass ambitions BUT you also are kinda tied to your identity as a 'free spirit' type. There's a lot of fear here about losing your fun, chill side if you go after what you want. This mentality is what's holding you back from your true potential. There's a fuck ton of passion inside you. You know what you want and you want to go after it. I just heard 'But I don't want to be one of Those People' and with it the vibe of someone who has a very rigid routine. You're not judging them, that's just not who you are and that's okay. You can pursue what you want and still be fun. I'm not saying there won't need to be some compromises because there will have to be some. Learn to prioritize what's important. If you're trying to make a schedule, leave whole days with nothing to do, so you can do whatever. Balance is important here. Um, Losing My Religion by R.E.M may be important? I'm not sure how it's relevant to this reading? It's about losing your dedication to a person when you've had to push what you've wanted aside for them... OH I get it! There may be a person in your life that you've pushed your aspirations aside to keep happy. Maybe they're the type to make fun of people who use planners or stay home to study or something like that. If you've seen gone girl, the cool-girl monolog, I'm hearing 'Cool-Girl is game'. I'm not saying you should do everything she does in that movie. Just that you may be feeling like you have to play the 'Cool-Girl' to keep some people happy. Hopefully not to the same extent as she does in the movie. Not to be judgemental but anyone who makes fun of people who are trying to pursue their dream is kinda a dick. Whoever decided that you can't have your shit together and also be fun and chill is also a dick. Things in life rarely exist in a dichotomy. People never do. You can be both a late-night party AND a weekly meal plan. Or neither. Be a dog person AND a cat person. And a fish person. And a bird person. Learn what work-life balance means for you and fuck anyone who says you can't do both.

Pile 3

Y'all are having trouble focusing. Holy shit, looking at your cards I can see why. You are really overburdening yourself, babe. HA. Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie just started playing on the radio. Honey, just take a few deep breaths for me, please. Y'all need to let loose and have some fun. This energy feels like the type of person who even when they're trying to relax, they're just thinking about everything they need to get done. Y'all seem to think that the only way to get what you want in life is to be super hard on yourself. For some of you, I'm getting that what you're pursuing isn't even what you actually want but what is expected of you. Being stressed as fuck working for you want is one thing but being this burdened for something that you don't even give a shit about? Sweetheart, you can't live your whole life like this. You may wanna start setting some time aside to do what YOU want and guard it. This reading is about owning your power and it looks like to do that you need to let go of things a bit. Let go of always having to be the best or always win. Y'all are so fucking tired. Winning all the time is impossible. You have worth outside of your accomplishments. There also may be a bit of like a pain competition here. It's like you think that for accomplishments to 'count' they have to be painful? BABE. NO. Just no. Life is fuckin hard enough, if you can do things in a painless way, WHY NOT? All in all, it looks like to own your power you have to stop pushing yourself to the point of breaking. Lil storytime, I have this friend who does this same thing and they started trying to lift weights but they kept trying to lift heavier ones than they were ready for and pulled a muscle, once it healed instead of learning their lesson they did it again. And pulled the muscle again. They went through the cycle of a pulled muscle, let it heal, pull it again, three fuckin times before they finally let themselves start smaller and work their way up. Good luck, babe.

[nexyra]

RWBY's Love Language - Part 2

Hello friend ! I'm back at it with a second part and whatever character I can think of ! (Among which best boy Oscar because he deserves it, and also more adults)

Let's go !

***

Oscar Pine

So ! While I love Oscar with my whole heart, honestly guessing his Love Language is no easy feat. One thing for sure : touch isn't is thing even if it's how everyone else chose to communicate their love.

I saw a post a while back detailing how Oscar is always putting his hands up as a barrier when he's scared or uncomfortable and that makes me cry a little instead but it's true TT. Anyway...

In the latest volumes we've got quite a bit of comforting Oscar-talks but I have to wonder how much of that is due to Ozpin's influence really. As a result I've decided to settle on... Acts of Service or Quality Time ! This is based on a few details : when people are upset with him in one shape or form, Oscar was always very eager to prove himself useful, give some aspect of concrete help (such as cooking a Casserole, ringing any bell ?). Plus I imagine that's the exact brand of help his Aunt would have needed most on a farm. Added to that, he always seems fairly happy to be included, be with the others no matter what's going on. Training ? Yay ! A movie with Jaune & Weiss ? Smiling puppy look. Fancy party ? Shenanigans together ! So yea, I love seeing my boy loved and hugged but please everyone settle for the loving he's most comfortable with <3

“She made a choice! A choice to put others before herself! So do I.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I thought you guys would appreciate a hot meal after... spending all day looking for me, apparently.”

“No, it's okay. These past few days, I've been scared of the same things you were. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be... me. But I did some thinking, and I do know that I want to do everything I can to help with whatever time I have left.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Ozpin

For our favorite immortal wizard aka not quite dead Headmaster... I think the answer is rather obvious. When you're so careful with your words, but also so fiercely devoted to humanity, Words of Affirmation is a must. Ozpin constantly does his best to calm, to reassure. He's good at controlling the conversation and getting people where he wants... Except he more often than not use it to make them think and help them reach an healing ore motivating conclusion. This man is so insisten on giving and cultivating hope, so painfully aware of just how much words can change... There's no doubt in my mind that it's through these very same words that he tries to fight the darkness in others' mind, even when they don't want to let themselves be persuaded. And with some help from the farmboi, Ozpin is gaining in honesty and earnestness. And that can only help in giving comfort.

But to be honest... If you offer him a hug I doubt he'd refuse, and he definitely deserves one. Also therapy. For Oscar too. Everyone in therapy 2k21.

“Ruby. I've made more mistakes than any man, woman, and child on this planet. But at this moment I would not consider your appointment to leader to be one of them. Do you?”

“It's not every day that friends are able to come together like this. Time has a way of testing our bonds, but it's nights like these that can help keep them stronger than ever. Nights like these are ones we'll never forget.”

“Don't worry, Mr. Arc. Your journey is far from over, and the same might be said for all of you. Unlocking your Semblance isn't the end. It can still grow and evolve. Providing you are willing to put in the work, who knows what could happen?”

- - - - - - - - - -

Emerald Sustrai

Now here I'm gonna go ahead and say that the way Emerald has been taught to express her love and the way SHE would rather preffered to be loved most likely do not align. At the side of someone like Cinder, and even Mercury who isn't exactly the most emotionally vulnerable person; the only brand of love that gets an easy pass is Acts of Service, and that's probably what Emerald is the most used to. I can go on a mission with you. I can help. We go right back to the "I can be useful" mentality and I'm not sure she's been shown any other way honestly. Let's be real though : if someone offered a hug or some gentle words ? She'd probably pout & fuss but I hardly doubt she'd object.

“I don't care about Salem! But I owe Cinder everything. You want to fight her that bad? Be my guest.”

“I just... Cinder was the only family I ever had. She cared about me, taught me things... But without her here, I don't know if what we're doing--”

“I've been working on my Semblance. I can help. I won't tell anybody.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Pyrrha Nikos

What's with everyone and dedicating their whole love toward just helping their teammates anyway they can ?! Stop ! But any way, you guessed it. I'm pretty sure one of Pyrrha's top way of showing love is Acts of Service, and nothing means quite as much to her as Quality Time. For someone who's been put on a pedestal and has a hard time relating to people; both touch and words can be a bit awkward. But if they're wrapped up neatly in a training session or semblance explanations ? Well that's already a more familiar area. Pyrrha gives her whole to her friends and those she cares about. And in exchange, if anyone can simply... be there and spend time with her... May it be at the ball or simply sitting in the courtyard... I'm sure our girl would be delighted.

“Jaune, you know if you ever need help, you can just ask.”

“I'm constantly surrounded by love and praise; but when you're placed on a pedestal like that for so long, you become separated from the people that put you there in the first place. But thanks to you, I've made friendships that will last a lifetime.”

“I'll do it. If you believe this will help humanity, then I will become your Fall Maiden.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Qrow Branwen

If I say Gift Giving for the corvid, is someone gonna hit me ? Come on it's fun ! Okay, more seriously... I think this kind of love conversation is kind of a necessity for Qrow. With a semblance such as Bad Luck, making everything complicated... Qrow tries to keep his distance from those he cares about. And since he's an emotionally repressed (but caring) asshole on top of it... Well that kinda narrows down his option. You know what DOESN'T put anyone at risk but can still bring smiles on their face ? GIFTS. Shiny things, souvenirs from his missions all over the world to give to 2 smol nieces. Sounds safe right ? That said, as any good emotionally unavailable character in this show, I gotta say Qrow probably has a thing for helping out and making himself useful in relation to Oz, Tai or the rest of the inner circle. So you know what that means *whisper* Acts of Service.

That said ! When it comes to receiving some love back... Qrow probably likes everything he doesn't allow himself to have. Soft touches, loving & comforting words, spending time with a friend without his semblance making everything complicated... We know that's all he wants.

“You idiot. I know you didn't do this.”

“Look, pal, I'm not sure who you are, but you need to leave my niece alone.”

“No one wanted me... I was cursed... I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world... I thought I was finally doing some good...”

- - - - - - - - - -

Clover Ebi

And among our newbies (and gone too soon) friends we have Clover ! Clover was a very good contrast to our dusty old crow but also a great help. Kind-hearted, perceptive and honest; he knew just how to put Qrow's self-loathing in his place and push him to give himself some credit. He always had a nice word or a joke for everyone, and visibly the rock of the Ace Ops : an expert a keeping the moral up and the mood companiable. Evidently, Words of Affirmation was his expertise. Had things gone differently, I'm sure we'd have had time for many more earnest and helpful conversations with this teal-eyed fisherman.

“It's a good thing they had someone to look up to and get them through it. Not everyone is so lucky.”

“I meant deflect a compliment. Those kids wouldn't be where they are without you. You've had more of an effect on them than you realize.”

“We don't have to fight, friend.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Winter Schnee

And today in the "emotionally unavailable" category we have... Winter Schnee ! TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS PEOPLE ! Just - I would say look at Ruby but even she doesn't talk about her bad vibes... Nor does any of the "Words of Affirmation" peeps. Honestly what's wrong with y'all people ? Anyway Winter cares so much. Is it hidden behind professionalism and a stern *big sister* demeanour ? Sure. But it doesn't negate just how much she loves her closed ones. She's fiercely loyal, and even if she doesn't let her personal feelings get in the way of her duty and doing what needs to be done, no one is allowed to say she doesn't care. Countrary to Weiss, Winter doesn't seem as good nor as aware of the love that exists in simply *being* with people. Rather, she's dutiful and ready to help any way she can when given the chance. You guessed it, yet another Acts of Service kind of love... Maybe I'm doing this wrong XD. I'm on the fence about Words of Affirmation as well. Despite her standoffish looks, Winter has always been very open & reassuring during her discussions with Penny. But she's more stern when it comes to Weiss so I dunno x)

“I don't recall asking about your ranking, I'm asking how you've been. Are you eating properly? Have you taken up any hobbies? Are you making new friends?”

“You've grown up a bit, haven't you? You're not the little girl clinging to the family name anymore.”

“You can't just buy trust like everything else! You have to earn it!”

And that's it for Part 2 ! I might do some other characters if people suggest some but I don't have a pressing need to right now. I have many ideas of songs to apply to various characters however so that's prob what my next posts will consist of (or fun templates)

If anyone has tips to create RWBY gifs or links to download the eps in good quality I'll take it ! Good day everyone !

[job-the-prosperous]

have you met anyone else in the basement?

((really long post, sorry in advance))

My favorite person here is Bethany. She's always super nice and helpful! We even both have the same quirk where we tend to see angel deals more often. Apparently that's weird according to everyone else. Bethany's is, calming to talk with. We haven't completely lost faith in God. I think most down here have at this point. I... don't think I have. Hard to tell anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I should be following something that has deemed me unworthy.

Um. Anyhow.

The two of us are the only ones who haven't completely given up yet. Except for maybe Isaac.

On the topic of Isaac, he's alright. I have no idea what he thinks of me cause he's always so quiet. I'd say he's shy, but I have a feeling there's something more to it. Isaac is super smart. Always planning ahead and knows just what to do at the nick of time. Very selfless, to a point were I worry about him. Though no one can exactly help him when he refuses to speak.

Magdalene! Would it be wrong of me to say she gives off bad vibes? I can't put my finger on it, cause I don't think she's a bad person. But something just, freaks me out a bit when I'm with her. Other than that she's also a joy to be around. She tells me that one day when we all get out of here she wants to invite us all to her house and make a whole buffet of pastries for us. She never sounds like she believes in her words though.

I have little to say on Lazarus. I've only had one run with him so far, and it wasn't exactly the best first impression. Very jittery and nervous even when we weren't in any danger. Pretty sure as soon as I woke up he had asked me if he wanted me to kill himself so he can get some power boost. Didn't even know his name. The others must pester him a lot about it, poor guy. It's easy to tell how much he hates it. Looking at your own dead body can't be very comforting.

The Forgotten is actually a young girl. Hard to tell given her appearance, but from what she has told me she's only 6 years old. I feel simply awful for her, I can only image how overwhelming this is for them. I mean geez, I can barely handle it and I'm around 4 years older. Still, she's more cheerful than I could ever dream of in our position. Reminds me a lot of my baby sister.

If it wasn't for all of those demons she carries around with her, I'd probably get along better with Lilith. They pick on me all the time and I don't know why. Lilith herself is chill with me. I don't know how she gets around so well with her blindfolds on, but it doesn't seem to affect her any. Okay, so sometimes she'll bump into something but we all do that.

The Lost reminds me a lot of Isaac. Quiet, reserved, all that fun stuff. Unlike Isaac, The Lost is a big ol' meanie sometimes. He's some cranky old man always spewing on about how life is unfair and that I made a mistake on coming here. As if I choose to do this. I can complain all day but in the end I don't blame him for being like this. He has this morbid theory that if he doesn't get out of here soon he'll end up completely consumed and gone forever. Not quite sure what he's referring too, but it's pretty scary. I hope I don't end up like him.

Judas is mean and I hate him. All he does is bully me and complain about how I'm dead weight. If he's not doing that, he's preaching up a storm about how great the devil is and all this weird occult stuff. Swear he does it purposefully to make me upset. So bitter and disconnected. I wouldn't be surprised if he had no friends to speak of. Don't know who would want such negativity in their lives. He loves to act tough but I know for a fact that he's just a big baby. Couldn't care less for him.

Cain and I don't mesh. We are always fighting over supplies, especially coins. You'd think I'd be better off holding them so we'll get more later on, but I guess if he can't have it no one will. Cain cares a lot about people. Unlike Judas he won't throw me into the mouth of a monster for an opening. Something about our personalities make us more prone to being mad at one another.

I suppose I am a bit mean when I call Eve a jerk. She's not nearly as bad as Judas. More so pushy. A her way or the highway type of attitude. At least she's willing to make a few compromises. Even if we don't get along, I always get the farthest on runs when I'm with her. So that's a plus.

Azazel freaks me out a bit, being a demon and all. Loves to pull pranks at all the wrong times. Not a favorable sight but not one I'll despise seeing every time I do. He is funny, I'll give him that much.

Samson is a new breed of uncomfortable. He's like a ticking time bomb seconds away from exploding. If you're lucky he'll go for the monsters. If not, let's just say I've heard lots of rumors of Samson killing the other people just for saying something he didn't like. He may just be blood lusty, always going after a new target. He can be pretty nice to be around when he's not upset, unfortunately its all to uncommon.

Okay, Jacob and Esau are strange. Cause they aren't scary in the way Samson is. Not even the lack of skin on one them is particularly what my problem is. I think Jacob may he purposefully hurting Esau. Like, a lot. They always get into some sort of fight about something. At first it's just a lot of arguing and screaming. Which I get, I did that with my family. But then theirs a point were I'll lose tract of them and I'll never see them again. I never go looking for them. If the entrance to the next floor is open I'm taking it. I, get really scared of what I might see if I did. I hope Esau is okay... I'm sure if I am feeling that extremely malicious vibe from Jacob than Esau must be too. I might just be thinking to deep into it. When you're always on edge, anything can seem like a threat.

I wish I could say more about these guys, but can't speak much on something you don't know. I have heard some rumors about them.

Isaac has muttered about a person named Eden before. A few people had said some things about them. Mostly on how they are way to happy to be here. Admittedly that does sound odd.

Apollyon I have met briefly. I had one run with them, but I died on the first floor. What can I say? They were the first person I met and I had no idea what I was doing. They had helped me with teaching me the basics, so they can't be that bad.

All I've heard about the last person is that I can trust them sometimes and other times I should take them out as soon as possible. Not what I'd call that helpful information. Don't even know who they are talking about.

Job stuffed the key ring back into his pocket. Phew, he had enough spare keys to check out the next item room. He hadn't had the best luck so far, but his angel room had given him some optimism.

More bones?! Really?!? Fine, I guess I'll take it. If I remember correctly this is Bone Spurs. I can't seem to figure out what it does, but I know for sure it doesn't do what the last one does.

He picked up the item, observing the splintered bone for any clue as to what it may do. Job couldn't get anything from a glance alone. Guess he had to put it on for a test ride. The bone had disappeared from his hands, as he felt a slight bit of pressure on the back of his neck. Feeling around a bit, he found one small spot on the middle of his neck where a sharp, jagged piece of bone stuck out. He couldn't feel any noticeable pain from it, which is appreciated. Still, it didn't tell him much on what it did.

Either way, with the new item in tow, he walked back into the catacombs to find this floor's exit.

[tequiladimples]

I hope this doesn't come off as rude, but I saw that you dislike when collision is branded het cause you're not het, but no one's talking about you personally? like for me, I really like collision but I can understand the criticism in a way and that isn't an attack on you (or an attack at all lol). again hope I'm not rude but idk it seems unnecessary to get upset, it's better to take it as constructive criticism

sigh i don't think ur rude but it simply isn't constructive.

look i’ll talk abt this one more time n then i Beg we can put it to rest! (this is gna be a lot of word vomit but if i'm elaborative now i hope i won't have to talk abt this ever again)

i’m deeply insecure abt many aspects of collision. i don’t really keep that a secret. i also know some ppl don't like fantasy, some ppl don't like the kinds of dynamics i like, some ppl don't vibe with my style of writing (hell, i barely vibe with my style of writing). those things are fine. i can't control that and i don't take that personally. the reason why this is the one critique i do take personally is because it genuinely presumes wrongful, harmful things about me and my values, especially when i've made deliberate efforts to avoid writing the exact flavor of fic they're accusing me of having written. just because people don’t mean for what they say to reflect back on me, doesn’t stop it from doing so.

the thing about calling something a “het fic” is that the term brings along certain connotations which i don’t stand by at all and feel deeply uncomfortable and distraught to possibly have created. i’ve gone over this godforsaken story again and again just to be absolutely sure i didn’t actually do so. when people say “het fic” they generally don’t mean “boy meets girl and they fall in love”, they mean “super rude and mean boy meets uptight virtuous girl and makes her fall in dependence with him through manipulation and treating her like shit until she behaves how he wants.” and that is straight up not the fic i wrote. i’m not stupid. i know the dynamic i went with is widely and easily misused and there’s a lot of fiction depicting really bad, uneven, unhealthy relationships through it. i knew this going in, and i’ve tried persistently to avoid making those same mistakes. 

skipping over the fact that they’re both boys (bc duh)--harry doesn't exhibit any real manipulative power over louis. collision harry is a grumpy, fruity little nerd who happened upon a really unfortunate lot in life and managed to trick himself into believing he's evil for like half a second of the story and his resolves crumble like a danish pastry the moment he receives his first hug. he's kind of aloof and arrogant, and understandably hardened from his past, but he's not bad. he's just lost. that's the basis of his character arc. now on the other hand, louis has harry wrapped around his finger starting like chapter 4. harry’s the one who opens up emotionally first, harry’s the one desperately seeking louis’ approval and caring about his opinion, harry’s the one who makes himself vulnerable continuously throughout the entire story. the only time louis makes himself vulnerable on a comparable scale is during the smut scenes, and even then, harry is gentle and attentive and puts louis first. louis is less experienced than harry in that area, but he isn't scared or intimidated by harry, and he has full reigns of the progression and nature of their relationship as a whole. that’s kind of how it needs to go with tough x soft dynamics for the power balance to not feel uneven, and i wrote the story accordingly. if you then happen to still be so blindly determined to associate soft/small with weakness (and thereby uh, womanhood ig) that you still felt like louis had an inferior position to harry solely because he is indeed soft/small, that sounds quite frankly like a you problem.

now, the whole point of louis’ character is that he’s underestimated. sure, he’s naive and self-centered and sheltered from the real world--that’s the basis of his character arc. those things all change. but louis isn’t ever weak. like idk who apparently needs to hear this but you can be small and simultaneously not be a pushover. the two aren’t mutually exclusive. there isn’t a single time louis takes shit in this story, especially not from harry; he gives back as good as he gets every time. oh! and then he literally saves the entire universe and the execution of that whole thing was his idea alone. i tried really hard to underline how strong-willed and full of grit he is to contrast what others think of him. if you think he’s portrayed as a meek and frail damsel, you missed the point. once again, i feel like we circle back to this misconception of louis being kind of naive and physically small = louis being inferior = louis being female. just do some soul searching.

(i could also get into the fact that for a bunch of people who don’t know these boys personally (no matter how much we like to think we do), this fandom is weirdly opinionated about characterization. especially regarding sexual stuff. i know creating a version for ourselves of who we think these boys are based on things we recognize in ourselves or things we find endearing is part of the comfort with loving them. but that doesn’t really equate to actually knowing them, and besides, this is fan fiction; no one’s opting to write a biography, anyway. being experimental and explorative and putting different aspects of their personalities in different lightings is what makes fic fun. if someone’s writing harmful or one-dimensional characters, that’s one thing, and preferences is again whatever floats your boat. but the “out of character” argument feels mostly really strange to me. this is a bit of a tangent, though.)

lastly, the thing is that i will and i do take it personally if someone insinuates that a character--a gay character--that i, a lesbian, construed is a secret vessel for expressing heterosexual attraction. if someone calls louis a “self-insert”, that does reflect back on me. and to elaborate on that--i don’t particularly love to bring it up, but it's quite disheartening to pour personal PTSD experiences into a character and rly put effort into doing it right and justice and underline growth and healing, just to find out people disregard all that completely in favor of declaring that my self-projection lies in the attraction to a man--which is to say, the one thing i couldn’t possibly feel more estranged from. it's so incredibly tactless. i feel thoroughly whiny at this point but how is that not supposed to make me a little sad?

anyway. none of this is to say that you can’t dislike or critique collision. you can. sometimes ppl don’t like things. but i hope i’m clear about where i’m coming from with my discomfort now. people’s preferences and dislikes are indeed not mine to be hurt by, but these things are. this definitely got unnecessarily long and i probably look like i take myself unbearably seriously (i promise i don’t), so i’m sorry. but at least i've said everything now, and if i encounter this sort of rhetoric in the future, i have something to redirect people to. also anon, none of this is directly pointed at you, i know you mean well. take care <3

[punkscowardschampions]

Gen 4.1 Planning

Libi: Okay, so my basic premise for who Libi is going to be at her core, WOO; I was thinking about how we said that she is Tess' second (lowkey third but I'll let you live gal) chance at 'getting it right' and raising a child well, which, OBVIOUSLY, she's never told or anything but there's an innate pressure in that that you'd know on some level, likewise her mum AND dad died so everyone would be quick with those comparisons always, this family and Liam's mum when that contact is made because her daughter died as well as; Then that made me think of the pressure Ro felt because you know, bad shit happened to Bea (Edie and Liam in this case) and then she got saved by McVickers and felt like she owed everyone to be great and do great things; so my vibe is that BUT COMING FROM A LESS SELFISH, WEIRD, PERFECTIONISM ANGLE soz not soz Ro, we know what you did; I see her being better behaved as she grows up, far more than her parents obviously but lowkey better behaved than any of the mcvickers or cali kids ever were because she thinks everyone deserves that, her not causing any more problems, but again UNLIKE Ro, she wouldn't be different to a degree of not fitting in because she'd make a massive effort to be there for everyone and every event, be likeable and get along with as much of the fam as possible, obviously some of that is natural charm but it's also putting in the time ahem Rosaline; like, she's a people pleaser, to a fault, and all she cares about is making everyone else, Tess, Fearghal, Ali, JJ etc etc, happy and making sure she's being what she thinks they want her to be/need her to be, and like that is what makes her happy because she is doing it out of love and respect not obligation but she doesn't know she's doing it, you know? Again, it's innate, how she is, but that's where the arc can come in, in realising that she goes with what makes everyone else happy, is who they need, but what does SHE want herself, and what does SHE need? A way I thought we could make this a Bobby/Libi storyline if we wanted (but we do not have to) is if she does have feelings for him, could be any point on his timeline gfs and kids wise whatever, but she lets him go and have whatever gf or do whatever thing because she's like that's what he wants he doesn't like me or want me like that etc, because she doesn't let herself want things selfishly or do anything just for herself Bobby: we should totally have them be together as little bubs because they are and it's like a running joke that they are gonna get together/get married like we've lowkey already said but more so but maybe the vibe is he is really shy how he is and lowkey it's like a my sister and me vibe where she does all the talking and socialising for him and like all their friends are joint friends Bobby: not in a creepy Ro and Ali way but Bobby: and we will let you outgrow that sir Libi: it makes sense because obviously we're learning sign language so simply Bobby can't communicate with most kids by himself, that's facts, and it's easier to have another kid help you than Jimmy always being there, or whoever he has helping him at school, you know Bobby: oh snap maybe I flip reverse what I said and Cammie's mum is the deaf one too and the vibe could be that like Libi pushes him to get some deaf friends as they become like tweens/teens so he can communicate himself so he does and does become more outgrowing that way but maybe he lowkey leans too hard into deaf culture for a while there and she feels like pushed out by it because it's something she can't be a part of Libi: ooh yeah, that makes a lot of sense Bobby: it adds something to Cammie's character as well being hearing but having two deaf parents so that's interesting Bobby: and also makes sense why JJ have to help them so much as well as them just being young Libi: right, there's a lot of shit Cammie would have to do from a young age if not for JJ lowkey 'cos it's just easier for a hearing kid than it is a deaf adult in this world Libi: her mum could maybe be more partial for ease but yes Bobby: and like it makes sense that Libi would push her feelings aside when those two grow closer/happen because she'd be like well they're both deaf that's something I can't give him and something I want him to have Libi: exactly, it'd feel really selfish to wreck that even if you didn't have all the ingrained shit she does around it Bobby: and obviously he actually wants to be with her as well but thinks she doesn't want that and before you now it there's baby Cammie so it's like well now I gotta try and make this work because don't wanna be a shit father like I had Libi: oh the drama of it all Libi: love it Libi: and we've not really got (that I can think of) a never mind I'll find someone like you type deal Libi: because usually it's like JUST SAY IT but it actually makes sense here to pine and long but let him go Libi: hence I'm here for it Libi: So, what I'm thinking right now is, that they're like never officially together, like it just keeps being an in-joke kinda vibe and like we're JUST best friends and then kind of like family, but obviously as they get into tween/teen years it's beyond a stage you can pretend you're just a kid playing at being girlfriend and boyfriend and as you said boo, that will coincide with JJ wedding and kids roughly so then it'd be more obvious like it's not going to happen seriously, then she can encourage him to get deaf friends etc, but I feel like he should only meet Cammie's mum just before or at uni (or whatever equivalent he's doing after school) so then it is quick and not like they were even mates before so it's less of a shock for all, you know? Bobby: I totally agree because I strongly pictured him being best man at the JJ wedding (soz Pete) and her being one of the bridesmaids and all the bants that go along with that and them both being SO 😳 Bobby: and yeah he could live the cliché that Jac was mocking and literally get with this girl freshers week I'd believe it Libi: Right? it then mirrors the Jameson/Cammie thing except they literally are just BFFs and there isn't anything going on Libi: there's actually weight to this but we're just like haha no don't be silly Bobby: and we've literally not done that trope with childhood boy girl best friends before really because baze are probably the closest but they were always so clearly in love and refusing to fight it so it's fun Libi: exactly, because unknowingly or otherwise, we're fighting against all the cliches and tropes that come with this family Libi: like I'm going to not do any of those things that caused drama for everyone and this is clearly too close to home, even though I don't think anyone would actually be that bothered, we've just really internalized and gone with it Bobby: like how nobody cares Jac is gay except Jac herself Libi: right Libi: but obviously she's good at keeping this all internal because no one can or is gonna clock it and be like, babe, it's okay Libi: like JJ might be a bit like oop, keeping it in the family but as long as you're both happy they really don't care, and same for mcvickers even if Tess is suspish of everyone that comes into any gal's life 'cos trauma lol Bobby: Bobby wasn't trying to make deaf culture happen for himself but Libi would have been so excited for him to get out there and do it that he would've been excited too and then it is literally like a new world opening up because who has he ever interacted with that's deaf before Bobby: didn't mean to lowkey leave you behind gal but Libi: it's kinda her own fault, not to blame you but clearly literally what we do like okay he's happy now mission accomplished Bobby: and maybe Cammie's mum is like the deaf equivalent of those gays who make it their whole identity so she's really selling it and so he also thinks okay this is who I should be with Libi: we know the vibe, like it's more excusable but still, I get you Libi: I see it Libi: a bit of a baby gay equivalent like go too hard and you're like I need to calm this down Libi: UNRELATED BUT Libi: think it will please you Libi: Jay is born 32 like Bobby, I'm pretty sure, and I thought Libi and her would also make for interesting content because Jay obviously feels she owes a lot to the fam for not being stuck with Chloe etc etc and the very little we did with her gave off a similar energy to me Libi: and she has her commitment issues in relationships because of her mum situation so they can bond over the shit that holds 'em back even though it's different stuff Bobby: and her relationship with Ava being her mum but also not being is something I feel like Libi can relate to because of how she was raised and the Rio and Buster-ness of it all because they wanted to raise her and obvs they wanted to raise Jay for a while there too Bobby: plus all the travelling she does is something that Libi could potentially join her in doing if she needs an escape so that's nice Libi: 100% it makes for a strong friendship there's a lot of parallels if not total similarities Libi: it makes a lot of sense, it's coming together baby Bobby: if you need to get away from seeing Bobby literally playing happy families, I can offer you that gal because I'm gonna have her go to uni/live in new york probably now that Nancy isn't because her face actually did live there idk if they still do or what but Bobby: we know the vibe is that she goes everywhere and can't settle so you'll have lots of chances to run away in a way that won't upset anyone Bobby: and when she gets her man and it works out we could totally coincide that because she can be like if I can do it so can you Libi: a mood a moment Bobby: all I know is Bobby is gonna be more chatty because neither Jimothy or Jesse are so I must but not to Jude levels of !!! Libi: a nice middleground Libi: which is kind of what I see for her honestly Libi: less in your face than 1. we were as a little bub 2. a lot of the fam but still sociable enough that it jives well with most of 'em Bobby: I'm so happy about all of this and honestly Cammie's mum being deaf makes so much sense in terms of what we were already thinking about her being more distant and working a lot Libi: if she doesn't give up the fight, she could be some kind of advocate vibe Libi: 'cos then Cammie can't even call her out really Libi: like soz this is important, maam your child Bobby: exactly what I was thinking we're in sync rn boo Libi: because it all makes sense, you gotta follow one thread and then the story shows itself tbh Libi: because tying in Astrid too, obviously that makes sense because she loses her mum too, and she'd ultimately be a really good influence because after Ro dies Astrid is kind of freed to do whatever she wants for herself Libi: and how much happier it makes her, how much she improves...well Libi: sips tea Bobby: I LOVE THIS Libi: and who else is taking the autistic girl that seriously and letting her teach you things Libi: love that for you Libi: she's living her best life and we can see that Bobby: she can be in their friend group, I'm happy Libi: ALSO, I feel as if she couldn't lie to Astrid Libi: because she says how she sees it bluntly and we're not going to feel comfortable fobbing her off because of that insistence, so that'll be good for you even when we're hiding it from everyone else Libi: everyone else you've just got to be vaguely like oh no no and it's dropped and like okay Bobby: we're gonna get to show so many different sides of Libi, I'm always here for that Bobby: and however far we go down the Astrid and her gf eating disorder rabbit hole, we''ll have Libi not treating her like a kid which is great Libi: yeah, there's loads we can do with the end of gen 4 for them all it's a mood Bobby: okay so what or who would you like to throw Libi at first Libi: that is the question Bobby: just so we know Bobby is going to Trinity and studying Business, Economics and Social Studies (B.E.S.S.) which is business, economics, political science and sociology basically so he can end up working at that advertising place with Jimothy after he has done this 4 years Bobby: Cammie's mum is there doing deaf studies which is also 4 years Libi: do we wanna do a rough timeline for these people mentioned here Libi: Jay born 32, we find out about her when she's 7 in 39 Libi: Bobby is born 32 and comes into the story 38 Libi: Libi is born 34, Edam die 35, we know this situation, is 4 soon to be 5 when she meets Bobby vias JJ Libi: Astrid is born 35 and Ro dies in 44 when Astrid is 9 Libi: JJ can get married 46, so Libi is 12 and Bobby is 14 Libi: doesn't have to be when we intro the deaf friends to the point of exclusion obvs but it's timed so we never have the 'real' relationship chat of it all obvs Libi: so Bobby would go to uni in 50-51 and Camie is born 51 start of 2nd year Libi: that gives us this good 4 year period before uni to play with, then obviously we know the vibe of when she's born and making that work etc Libi: Hmm, I think it would make the most sense to do a gap year then stay local, like that's the ideal Libi: because I really think she'd struggle being away from the fam Libi: but I'm kinda thinking maybe to be cruel she DOES go away because it seems like something the fam are like yay about Libi: 'cos she'd try really, really hard to stay but they should at least notice that and she can transfer for a reprieve Bobby: that's really nice actually Libi: she should do her first year in Liverpool, the rest at Trinity Libi: okay, so film studies, it was only 3 years in Liverpool but we're changing to trinity and you do years 1 and 2 (aka whilst Bobby is still there at least for year 1 but I need to check anyway) there and years 3 and 4 at Columbia uni in new york, aka where Jay is Libi: **remind me to check the times but we need to give him a solid bday and I'm changing hers up too Libi: this is just roughly Libi: but this way we can be cruel with it lol

[dyns33]

Michael and Y/N always love challenging the other. It was something that Michael start to love when he met his kitten. Even being now the ruler of this new world and master of the Sanctuary doesn't stop him from being really goofy with his girl. And this time, Y/N dares him to do something insane. Being normal, just for a day. No mind reading, no transmutation, anything. Not only with her, but with the entire residents. And oh, use his NORMAL voice. Tan tan TAN!!

I don't know why, I have prankster girlfriend vibes with this ask, so I put it in this AU!. It's totally something they will do, she will love to dare Michael about a lot of silly things and he will oblige with pleasure. This dare is a bit to annoy him and to scare the residents of the Sanctuary, who are used to see their Master a certain way. I did a mix with another ask. I hope it's okay for you two Anons !

           "You want me to do what ?"

           "You heard me. You have to be normal during an entire day."

           "What does that even mean ? Normal ? I'm myself, as you are yourself, there is not such thing as normality, and certainly not with us."

           "Mikey ! I dared you and you accepted !" pouted (Y/N). "Normal ! No Satanic stuff. No magic. No big bad Antichrist. Just Michael."

The Master of the Sanctuary, and of the world, even if he still had to rebuild it, sighed. It was the rule, if he accepted his girlfriend's dare, he had to do it without question. He didn't know if it was a good idea to act "normally" with the residents, who admired him as much as they feared him. They were at risk of not understanding this change, of believing that he had gone mad, of no longer respecting him and perhaps of plotting against him. But he had accepted, and anyway he never refused anything to (Y/N), so he promised to be normal all day long, not really knowing what it meant, or if it would really change something. At first, no one saw any difference as he walked the halls of the Sanctuary giving orders to Miss Mead. However, the Satanists who passed him noted that his voice sounded a little higher than usual. More childlike. Less sweet, less serious, less frightening. Strange for them, normal for Michael, since it was his real voice. He had worked for years to have the other one, his adult voice as (Y/N) called it, in order to be taken seriously. Miss Mead and her girlfriend were the only ones who knew his real voice, until today. Michael wanted to be taken seriously. He wanted us to respect him, to admire him, and he knew it wouldn't be possible with that voice. The remarks arrived quickly.

           "My Lord... ar you ill ?"

           "Why are you asking that ?"

           "It's... Your voice. Maybe you need some rest, you are working so hard for us, Master."

Tired. They all thought he was tired, not just because of the voice, but because he didn't get upset all day, he didn't criticize the residents for what they thought, what they wanted to do, he punished no one with his powers. Even if he was still as handsome, with an impressive appearance, he seemed harmless as soon as he spoke. It was a torture for him to hear the murmurs in the Sanctuary, but without knowing what his followers really thought, keeping his promise, not reading their minds. He hid his anger and tears all day until he returned to his room, where (Y/N) lost her smile when she saw him.

           "Mikey ?"

           "They're making fun of me. They're all making fun of me. I'm ridiculous." he muttered.

           "Not at all ! You are..."

           "If you say 'adorable', I will scream."

           "Sorry. I didn't want it by asking you to do this, I thought it would be funny, that they would be surprised, that they would be afraid. I didn't want to hurt you."

           "I know. But never ask me that again."

(Y/N) allowed him to stop being normal, even if the day was not over. He was suffering too much, and she didn't want him to suffer, especially not because of her. Satanists were reassured to find their Antichrist. What Michael didn't know was that he risked losing his prankster girlfriend because of what had just happened. What he had said had upset her. He thought he was being ridiculous because of his overly childish voice. Just his voice. What did he think of her then, with her clothes, her jokes, her behaviour ? He said he loved her despite it, because of it, but it was not consistent with what he had just said. If he was so afraid of what the others thought, he shouldn't have liked to be seen with her. To be forgiven, and to offer him the lover he deserved, (Y/N) decided to change. She asked Miss Mead for less ridiculous clothes. The woman seemed delighted by her request, relieved that she was finally growing up. She also asked her for lingerie, to surprise Michael and for him to forget this horrible day. He didn't seem pleased when she saw her. Well, he seemed surprised, but he said nothing, happy to be able to see her, touch her, kiss her. But he felt that she was uncomfortable in this outfit, which she was not used to wearing.

           "If it's to apologize, it's not necessary at all." he sighed, hugging her. "I'm not angry. You don't have to do this, especially if you don't like it, my love."

           "But I have to do it..."

           "What ?"

           "I am ridiculous." she breathed, as tears started to fall.

           "Why are you saying that ?! Someone laughed ? Someone dared to tell you that ? Tell me who ! Tell me who and I will punish them !"

           "You. It's you."

Michael did not understand. He had said nothing about her, her outfits, her pranks, which he adored more than anything. Was it a misunderstanding ? Did someone lie, pretending he made fun of her behind her back ? Yet he'd told her hundreds of times that he was not ashamed, that he didn't care what others thought of her, he would kill them if they said something, and he wanted her to be happy, to be herself.

           "But you said your voice was ridiculous !" she sobbed. "You say you don't care about others, that we have to be honest, but you refuse to be yourself in front of them. I know you're special, so you have to play a role, but they're not going to fully respect you if you're with someone like me. You need a real woman by your side. I will do it Mik... Michael. I'm going to become a real woman for you. They won't make fun of you because of me, I promise you."

In the past Michael had often believed that his heart had broken, but it was when he saw the woman he loved crying because of him that he felt this horrible pain in his chest. He hugged her, thinking of a way to convince her that, even if he was actually ashamed of his voice, he was not at all ashamed of her. It was not the same thing... But it was a little the same thing. It was just that he was less courageous than her and that he didn't take on that sort of thing. Satanists didn't make fun of her because they admired her difference, her strength, her ability to do and say what she wanted when she wanted to, and not just because she was his girlfriend. She was free. She was totally honest. They saw it, they understood it, and even if they did find her a bit childish at times, it was not a real criticism. They too had faults. (Y/N) was perfect for Michael, because she was frank with him, she did not manipulate him, she did not use him, she did not prevent him from fulfilling his destiny, being there for him when he needed support. For the rest, she could do what she wanted, it was not their business.

           "You are so brave, darling. So pure. The most incredible human I have ever met. I'm not like that. If I behaved normally, I would feel like I was boring and ridiculous . But not you ! You are exceptional, unique, with your zest for life and your colours. I am the great red dragon, and you are the woman clothed in sun. Literally. You are the sun of the Sanctuary. No one is waiting for me to be with a dark, cold woman who looks like me. No one. I am proud to be with you. I..."

It was the time. Was that the right time ? Michael had been thinking about it for so long, but he didn't know if he should wait until he finished his mission, or if he could do it before, but he knew he wanted to marry (Y/N). He wanted her to wear a dress of all colours, to hop when she came to him near the altar, and to make her spin in the air after saying yes.

           "My love, will you marry me ?"

           "Mikey ! You are... Are you serious ?"

           "I'm always serious. You're the one who do pranks. Now I dare you to marry me."

           "Oh Mikey ! Of course !" she replied, throwing herself on him.

By kissing her, he took off this stupid lingerie, as much to make love to her as because he couldn't bear her to wear it. It was not her. On the day of their wedding, Michael read his wishes with his real voice, despite the weird faces of the Satanists. He didn't read their thoughts to find out what they were thinking. They knew he still could, and he could kill them just as easily. But, the rest of the time, his normal voice was for (Y/N). Just for her. His sweet colourful wife.

[thatsdemko]

Promposal-T.Zegras

Requested: yes|no

A/N: this one of my imagines from wattpad the next post I promise will be the series I just felt like posting this because I know a lot of people have had their proms and I felt inspired by it awhile ago hope you all enjoy!

He always acted like he never cared. It bothered you so much how Trevor just had that vibe to him. You loved him so much but he was always this way. His mother even told you she was sorry you even said yes to dating him, and at this point you had no idea why you said yes as well.

Prom was coming up and you tried dropping hints to him about going and needing a date. But Trevor was oblivious and had no idea what you were even talking about. He always just shrugged it off saying you'd find somebody. And you had a gut feeling it was not going to be him with the way that he was acting about it.

"Have you found a dress yet?" His mother asked quietly as you walked into the kitchen to grab a water for yourself and Trevor.

"Yeah, just not a date." You said grabbing two waters and she gave you a funny look, "my son is stupid isn't he?" She asked and you nodded your head laughing a bit, "yeah kind of." You admitted. You wanted Trevor so bad to take you but you were iffy about it now, you weren't even sure if you wanted to go at this point if Trevor wasn't going to ask you.

"I'll mention it to him tonight, sweetheart." She smiled, you always trusted her to get the job done and usually she did. Like when your birthday was nearing the corner last year and Trevor kind of seemed to just forget, up until his mother told him to get you a gift or he'd be single and that certainly woke him up.

"Thank you," you sighed in relief getting tired of dropping hints to him as he seemed to be like any other guy and just be confused by hints because they never actually got it.

You sat back down next to Trevor on the couch handing him his water. You sat on one end and he sat on another focused mainly on whatever game was on the television. His eyes didn't move from the screen. You were getting bored of watching golf replay after golf replay as you were tempted to go back out and continue talking to his mom instead of watching him drool over tiger woods.

"Trev," you said crossing your arms over your chest, and he looked over at you, "yeah?" That was the first time you'd seen his eyes move off the screen during your time together so far.

"Nothing I think I'm just going to go home." You huffed not wanting to be there any longer and Trevor didn't even fight it. He just let you walk out of his house without even saying goodbye, but you took once glance back and his eyes were glued to the television.

—

"He still hasn't asked you?"

A week had gone by since Trevor's mom had mentioned talking to Trevor about prom, but nothing has happened. The guys knew nothing as well as the girls. Either Trevor wasn't telling anybody or they all knew and were being pretty good liars. Although, the only liar you could ever crack was Patrick and he didn't crack when you asked him questions so you knew nothing actually was going to happen.

"No he hasn't and I'm upset but I guess I have no reason to be if he has no idea! I'm just not going to go at this point since he just never cares! He doesn't seem to care about what I want to do and what bothers me. I love him but it's always about him."

Trevor overheard your conversation with the girls. He didn't think this really bothered you, but apparently it did. You both were people who were just happy to be together and doing whatever, but as time went on clearly that had been bothering you more and more.

"What is she mad about?" Trevor turned to jack who just shrugged who was just as clueless and lost as Trevor, and he knew he couldn't rely on that.

"I don't know, man."

"What? You have to go to prom! With or without him you're going. You don't need Trevor anyways if he's just going to let you down."

That's when it hit him. All that time for weeks when you had mentioned dress shopping to him, finding shoes, makeup, promposal ideas he realized you were trying to get him to ask you. "Never mind you think you can pull an all nighter with me?" Trevor asked jack instantly taken by surprise.

"I mean off the top of my head I don't have anything going on, but why?"

"You have to help me ask y/n to prom."

—

"Trevor, this is just as ridiculous as the last one." Patrick said taking a sip of his third cup of coffee. They were all going insane. It was three in the morning and Trevor made the plan of just asking you tomorrow right when you got out of school, which meant they had time to have done this earlier in the day, but Trevor needed to do it now or was he screwed.

"I don't know! I don't know! But I have to ask her okay and I know that it has to be an exact way she's been telling me about it for weeks."

"You mean basically speaking to a brick wall?”

Trevor was getting angry now and delusional, he needed sleep as did the other two boys badly. "Can we just work this early tomorrow? Trevor, I'm exhausted." Jack complained rubbing his hands over his eyes thinking about just falling asleep right there in the chair sounded like a good idea to him.

"Yeah I guess." He sighed taking another sip of his coffee as jack got up from the chair, saying goodbye to jack and would see him tomorrow.

"Come on, maybe with some sleep we can think of something." Patrick patted his back making his way up the stairs and Trevor told him he'd be up in a minute as he sat there going through all your text messages, Twitter DMs, and Instagram DMs of you sending him ideas, but all of them seemed too cheesy. They were nothing like him, and he felt awkward asking you that way.

Giving up he just decided to go upstairs and fall asleep and then figure out before the end of your school day how to ask you to prom.

—

You were getting hopeless. There was just no way Trevor was going to ask you. Today, in the morning before school a friend of yours got asked and then another friend got asked during lunch so you were starting to lose faith in Trevor and were thinking about returning your dress since it was obvious you weren't going.

"Hey, how are you holding up?" Your best friend  asked sitting down next to you walking into class as you sighed setting your phone down on the table.

"Pretty much just thinking about taking my dress back today, it's completely pointless." You were just annoyed that all this was happening to you. But of course it was! It was Trevor to begin with the boy would be stupid enough to cross the street with on going traffic if there wasn't a certain part of the brain in his head! With all of this going on Trevor also was not replying to your text messages so that left you a little bit more upset.

"Why? Come on, if he doesn't ask you I'm sure another guy here at school will! Trevor will realize he should have asked you if you were to say yes to another guy." Your best friend tried to convince you, but you didn't want to go to prom without Trevor. It was stupid you didn't need any guy holding you back from having fun, but there Trevor was. Doing that recently.

"I know, but–"

"If he doesn't ask by next week, ditch the idea of going with him."

—

"What is he doing here?" You asked seeing Trevor was in the school parking lot with his teammates. Trevor hadn't been to school in months now that he was doing online classes as well as the team was.

"I don't know," your friend whispered as you started walking towards your car seeing letters and his teammates holding them, but you couldn't make them out until you walked a bit closer to make out the words that read "prom?"

"I'm a really bad boyfriend for not taking a hint," Trevor said coming up to you as you gave him a hug, "will you go prom with me?" He asked you and you laughed nodding your head pulling away from him, "yes! Of course!"

"I'm so sorry I was a bad boyfriend and didn't take a hint I promise I will be more aware and alert than I have ever been in my life."

You scoffed, "yeah that'll only last for a week."

[johnradams]

Comet is the only thing I care about if it doesn't win I'm gonna cry

Like. I can't even explain it I'm too invested in this show. I'm going to infodump about it because I'm so sad that DEH might beat it out for the tony and it doesn't even deserve to. -While you are walking in it gives you a Cold War / modern Russia vibe. The walls of the imperial are covered in posters and I remember reading the word pussy a lot which made me happy. - The guy at the merch stand was so sweet! No one else was there yet so I just was like " are you open?" And he helped me pick a shirt ( the red shirt with the family tree/ prologue lyrics was his favorite and I bought it bc I love it too.) - All the ushers were so nice! I was wearing a shirt that said " so broke can't pay attention" and a lot of them read it and told me it was funny. - the usher for my actual seat talked to me about DEH and I told her I loved it but it annoyed me when everyone kept saying ' oh yeah it has 9 tony noms' and I was like " well... comet has 12!" And she laughed and we Bonded™ - did I mention I was alone for like the first hour I was in the theatre because I ran in at 7 without my mom and sister. They wanted to eat their food and I was like "NO COMET" - I was hungry because I'd skipped dinner?? The comet gods threw food at me. - The girl who talked to our section was the best. Also I was the only person who read war and peace in my section which made me feel Important™ - Natasha's "NO!" When Andrey tells her he's going off to war and prologue starts - the door!!! - o Sonya - private and intimate life gave me chills. Gelsey Bell gives me chills. She was so genuinely scared and I just wanted to run down there and hug her and tell her it would all be okay. - an old woman was chose for bolkonsky's lover and she was so happy it was so sweet - "I KNOW THEYLL LIKE ME!" *pause* "EVERYONE HAS ALWAYS LIKED ME!" - getting stools into those tables took a little while but it was the best thing I ever saw. - no one else was so powerful. It's one of my favorite songs that I've like, ever heard, and Denee rocked it. Honestly the little things I noticed from her I applied to my singing it ( it's a song I'm working on in vocal) and it helped so much. God bless Denee Benton. - The opera was AWESOME. Gelsey again as opera singer made me die. Her voice is so strong and good and perfect. - stop touching dolokhov stop touching dolokhob Helene stop stop stop - the whole " where is dear Pierre" thing with Marya gently reminding Helene that she IS married to Pierre made me smile - WHEN THE RIP TBE BLOOD OFF ANDREY I CRY - Anatole get back behind that door you little shit - you are not allowed to walk down stairs like that Anatole stop -Helene please stop looking at your brother like that he's your brother stop - Natasha stop looking at him - Anatole stop looking at her - stop whispering in french Anatole you smooth fuck - GIVE HER HER FLOWER BACK ANATOLE PUT IT BACK PUT IT BACK PUT IT BAAAAAAAAACK. - you will NOT go to that ball Natasha u sit down and pick up a coloring book or something you literal child -when Pierre says " oh dear Andrey's betrothed." Anatole shakes his hand and goes " ehhh " like he's saying not for long - the entire scene before the duel hurts so much Pierre doesn't understand except he does - *shot comes from Fedyas gun* Pierre, with his arms out ready to die stays still for a few beats before doubling checking to make sure that he has indeed survived - HELENE LOOKS SO PISSED AT HIM. - dust and ashes is my anthem I have never related to anything so hard. Protect Pierre. Get him medical help. I want to see him loved. -DENEE BENTON STRIPPING-ISH ON STAGE TO JUST A CORSET AND UNDERWEAR ( I'm sure she has a Leo under it)?? MY GAY LITTLE HEART DID NOT SURVIVE. - Helene takes the necklace Andrey put around Natasha's neck when he left. Nat looks distressed until it is replaced by pearls and she gets distracted by the shiny. - the ball is so painful please Anatole no more - when Anatole and Natasha stand together In front of 9 flood lights then the door closes? I die - the door closing makes it final and I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it - Natasha's costume change is great you can see how teeny Denee is - Natasha gushing about how much she loves Anatole to the crowd makes me cry - Pierre you gentle giant plz stop drinking -that's right Sonya. Roast her. - Natasha no longer says " he's my master and I am his slave." In the genius annotations of the off broadway cast Dave says that the line might change because he knows how it looks to have an African American woman sing that about a white man. He said it was up to Denee to decide what she was comfortable with, and in the show it wasn't there. ( I'm glad Denee stopped saying something she wasn't okay with) -oh Sonya nothing is your fault you little gerbil please calm down and realize you aren't responsible for Natasha -THE PLAN FOR NATALIE ROSTOVAS ABDUCTION HAD ALL BEEN- - balaga is such a fun song. I didn't get egg shakers but everyone who did seemed to have a good time! - during the abduction when Anatole says not yet and pauses, Lucas draws it out a ton. One of the people next to me tried shaking her egg to get it started up again and he just looked at us and said " no." -Natasha is so excited to go with him I hate it. Also the violin is amazing as it always is in that show. - yOU WILL NOT WNTER MYYY HOUSE S C O UN D R E L. - Denee runs up to what looks like a sink (?) and you can see her miming taking arsenic. -Pierres reality check kills me. He's been telling himself he's worthless nothing matters and he probably hasn't gone outside in a long time, and then someone's asking for him for his friend. -what?? whAt? WHAT??? - Anatole sobbing in Helene's lap is good and terrible at the same time. She strokes his hair, and it makes me die. - DRAG HIM PIERRE. THREATEN THE BAD MAN. - when Anatole leaves Pierre and him throw his bag around for a bit. - Natasha very ill is so sad I cried then -in Andrey and Pierre, Andrey is so tired. He's holding the letters with anger, like he doesn't want to touch them anymore. It makes me upset because only about 25 songs ago he clutched them to his heart. - when Andrey says ' never speak of that' he holds Pierre up on his tip toes by his shirt. On " again" he punches Pierre in the chest and runs down to his fathers throne. He sits there and the tension never leaves him as he grips the arms of the chair. Mary tries to fret over him, but he waves her away. - Natasha and Pierre is the saddest song too. Natasha is so small in her room plain, baggy white nightgown and no shoes. The emotions in that song are so high. Natasha climbs up the stairs as Pierre starts the " if I were not myself" part of the song, and hesitates with each kind thing he says. - Pierre stops after "I" and I think he only continues because he sees that Natasha has heard him and that she tenses at the word. - "UNABLE TO FIND THE SLEEVES." - the comet is a good prop I love the comet #gayiconthecomet - the stage door was so amazing. All the actors were the sweetest. I'm super terrible at names so I apologize if I just call someone their character name. -Paul Pinto came out and instead of saying " I loved your performance and my friends did as well" I said " my friends love you and told me to say hi" he looked a little hurt and said "oh, well tell your friends I said hi, I guess." I have hurt the best man on this planet and I can never make it up - I told the guy who plays dolokhov that he was amazing and I cried very hard and he said " oh well that's what we always want, isn't it?" - PEARL ( an ensemble member) SIGNS IN PURPLE. I ASKED HER WHY SHE SAID IT WAS BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO BE DIFFERENT SO I WOULD REMEMBER HER. - josh came out even though he had somewhere to be. He went to the end of the line and worked his way up. - josh has the kindest eyes, he could stab me and I would apologize for getting blood on his knife. He also has a baby face and a beanie. I love him. There's more, like a lot about the set so if you want to hear me infodump about comet please let me know kids

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

NOTES: Time to move forward with the plot. I know it probably seemed like there was barely any plot, just fluff-fodder, but I swear I was building to this all along! Really!

"You seem a little distracted."

Looking up from my bongos, I blinked at Steph for a few seconds. "Was I not playing my part? I thought it sounded… like the song. Y'know."

"It's not that. You just aren't focused." Putting down her zither, she picked up her aloe drink and chugged it for a minute. I tried not to make a face of pure disgust. "Like, I can sense it even though you're playing fine, if that makes sense."

"What, with my chakras or some shit?" But again, she was impervious to my acidity. "Fine. But I don't wanna talk about it."

"You and Knives?"

"Don't wanna talk about it."

"How's that going?"

Sighing, I ran my hand down my face and gritted my teeth against my irritation. I knew by now that yelling at Steph to shut the fuck up and leave me alone made little difference. But to be honest, I was in a good enough place with Knives that I wasn't even that irritated.

"Nice. Now, can we get back to practice?"

"I thought you were worried about, like… the lesbian thing."

"Not really. Just…" Should I tell her about Knives? It didn't seem right, for reasons previously stated; that was Knives' information to share as she saw fit. Maybe she wouldn't care, but maybe she would. You never can tell how people will react; I couldn't even tell how I would react before I was told. I decided it was easier, safer, to maintain my vow of silence. "I dunno. It's good. She's really…" I ran out of words.

"Good? Nice?" My grumpy face turned grumpier. "It's okay, I just like seeing you doing better."

"Better than what?"

Another of her usual casual shrugs. "Before."

"Fine." Then I threw my bongos aside and stood, glaring at my current bandmate. "She's great. She's completely changing how I see life. Everything is perfect, especially her. Birds suddenly appear every time that she's near, alright? Fuck."

"Saying that in a sarcastic tone doesn't necessarily mean that it's not true." But I ignored her and went off to pee.

While I was in there, I came to a sudden realisation. Knives wasn't just a girl, wasn't just my girlfriend. Wasn't just a trans girl, either, whatever that meant; I was still kind of working my way through that along with the 'girlfriend' part. It hit me that she was just about every letter in the ever-expanding LGBTQIPA acronym, if you looked at it all in certain ways. Lesbian, for dating me. Gay, for being a person with a dick who didn't mind dating people with dicks — and I know it's not the same, but the sex would be. Bi, for dating me and Scott. The "T" is obvious. Queer because she's more than one letter, since that's kind of what that means as far as I can tell; it's the "gray area" checkbox. Maybe not the "I", since I'm fuzzy on that one, but if she was that would be cool, too. And as for the A…

Okay, so I did some reading at the library. I don't have internet at home, so I go there for email, to print resumes, boring crap like that. But I also have been doing a lot of research there lately. About Knives, about me… about all of this. Trying to wrap my head around a lot of new concepts that are still space alien type shit to me. And the "A" seems to stand for "asexual", which… I was starting to wonder if that was Knives. Or me, even, since I've gone without for a LONG fucking time and didn't really care until I connected with her. Maybe I do care more now. But she's fine if we don't bang, and thought humping my leg was good enough.

So like… I guess what I'm saying is, I'm trying to get comfortable with the idea that she might never want to have any sex. Or not a lot, or not for a while. Somewhere in there. If me literally getting naked in the kitchen — which, in Wallace's battle plans, sends the message that I'm dessert — didn't faze her, then maybe nothing would. And that's alright if it's what she wants. God will I be thirsty, but I'd rather just buy a new vibrator than ever make her uncomfortable again. It's the same shit in the end, right? If she was a normal- wait, no, wrong word. If she was a cis woman, then we'd be buying vibes, anyway. Acting all personally offended that she doesn't want to use a dick I didn't know existed a couple weeks ago to part my pussy lips doesn't seem like a wise use of my energy, does it?

Anyway, the point here is, I was realising that Knives Chau was all of those things, and she was also some kind of Chinese ninja, a college student, way too good at Mario Party, and an adorable little bean that could almost always find a way to stay positive. She was special in about a dozen ways. On top of being hot. And for whatever reason, she wanted to be with me.

Why would anyone like her settle for some failed musician, some misanthropic pessimist?

Someone who could come so close to hurting her just because of a little alcohol?

So when I came back out of the bathroom, I looked about as shaken as I did when I went in. I wasn't crying this time, thank God, but I was stumbling and distracted. Not long passed before Steph came over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder to hold me still.

"Kim… what's up? Seriously, this has to be more than just worrying about being gay."

"Not gay. Bi. Probably. I don't know." Then I cleared my throat. "I want to be… fuck, nevermind."

"Come on, Pine. Out with it."

Another minute of silence passed. I expected her to roll her eyes and walk away, annoyed at me for not responding. She didn't; she just fixed me with an expectant look. Finally, I blurted, "She deserves better than me."

"What?"

"I suck. Even when I'm trying, I'm pathetic. This girl is so…" I wasn't used to praising people. At all. "Good. She's everything that's good, Steph. And I'm everything that's not."

She was quiet for a moment, thinking, before she asked, "You're worried about disappointing her, aren't you?"

"Worried? No. That would imply that I thought it might not happen. It's a matter of when."

"Kim…"

"No, Steph. I'm a frigid bitch and… she should find someone else who knows how to have 'fun' like she wants. Who can do this right instead of blundering around in the dark. But how do you tell somebody they need to go the fuck away for their own good without making them feel like it's their fault instead? Because I can't hurt her. That's not allowed."

"Hey." Her face was full of pity, and I hated it, I wanted to deck her to the floor to keep that look from existing. Wanted to deck myself, but that's pretty hard to do. "You're not a bad person."

"Yes, I am."

"You are n-"

This time, I did push her away, backing toward the front door. My heart was pounding a million times a minute, and I wanted to scream a million things, but they were mostly at myself and she didn't deserve that headache.

"I'm gonna split. See you later."

She was trying to tell me something as I left, but I blocked it out, I ran. All I could see was the pity in her eyes, the pity in my girlfriend's when she saw how guilty I felt about Julie's aunt's. I wanted to drink to forget, but I couldn't let myself get that drunk ever again. What if next time, I did something worse? I'd be no better than the guys I had dumped who got too handsy.

I'd be no better than the guys who dumped her for something she had no control over. Who didn't see just how great she was.

Halfway to the bus stop, I collapsed. Curled into a ball on the grass and cried, but it wasn't the same kind of cry. This was… something else. I don't know, but I wanted all the pain to end. Sure, I wanted to be better, but I didn't see a way to make that happen, so I just wanted it all to be over. For Knives to find someone who could treat her like a star, give her moonbeams in a jar, and to forget about that asshole she briefly thought was "cool".

Which all sounds way over the top and emo. I know. My brain couldn't quite process that I was in love with her and that was why I wanted to give her everything. Guess one of the shapes love can take is self-destruction.

                                              ~ o ~

Young Neil was the one who found me and brought me back to the Nordegraf home. He was walking home from the bus stop, so of course we would cross paths. When he first saw a statue curled up on the grass, he probably thought somebody had really fucking odd taste in lawn ornaments. But I mean, he hung around with Sex Bob-omb while we practiced for a long time; he recognised my face. Then somehow managed to drag me the couple of blocks back to her house from there.

Steph was still shocked when she saw me as a stone figure again, despite it being the second time. She called Stephen, who came over right away with one of those bottles of Soft. But this time…

"It didn't work."

That was all he could manage to say at first, eyes round and jaw agape. Steph and Neil had been pacing back and forth behind him, but once he said that she bent down and squinted at my face. "Shit."

"This… I don't know, why didn't it work? Wake up, wake up, wake UP!" He punctuated the last part by slapping my face, which I couldn't feel. "OW!"

"Don't be dumb!" Steph hissed, standing back from my perch on the couch. "What do we do?"

"No idea, but we can't leave her like this forever, right? I mean… look how upset she was, look at her eyes!"

Neil shrugged as they panicked. "Didn't you say this happened before?"

"It did, but we had Soft, and we got to her quicker," Steph told him, smoothing her hand over my hair. Just as unyielding as the rest of my body. "It was about two hours after she left here that you found her, I think…"

"Shit," Stephen breathed, hand pressed into his mouth. "This is a nightmare."

"We have to call Knives. I mean, she's really important to Kim now, we can't-"

"Knives?" Neil whispered, shocked out of his usual silence. "Oh…"

Both of them looked toward him, but it was Stephen who snapped, "What? This isn't as important as whatever your deal with her was, is that it?"

"N-nah, nevermind. Just call her." He sounded faintly embarrassed, but I couldn't see him from my vantage point so I didn't have the visuals to confirm that.

So they called Knives. Now I felt even worse than I did before. The whole reason I was a statue in the first place was because of my guilt over not being able to give Knives everything she deserved, and now here I was putting her through an even worse ordeal. Along with all of my friends. I used to really think that everyone else was the problem, that they all just sucked. But it was me. I'm the weakest link in the chain.

I heard some pleasantries exchanged at the door, quick ones due to the crisis. Once Knives got to the living room, she gasped and put a hand over her mouth.

"Yeah. We don't really have an idea of what else to do." Glancing over at Stephen, who only shook his head, Steph shrugged and went on, "You probably don't, either, but… we thought you should at least be here."

"Thanks for calling. God… my poor Kim…" She dropped to her knees next to the couch and caressed my face, and I would have given anything to actually be able to feel it. "And you said Soft didn't work? I have more…"

Stephen shook his head. "Don't know, but it really seems like it doesn't. We can try another bottle but I hate to waste it if this time we know it's not going to work…"

"Do we, though? Do we know it won't work?" Steph's hands were on her hips as she glanced between the two of them. "Seriously, I'll dump a dozen bottles on her head if it's going to do the job."

"No… I think I know what we need. Do you see that?" Her finger was pointing to my stomach, just barely revealed by my shirt riding up before it turned to stone along with the rest of me. "That's the key."

Everyone watched Knives stand up after that announcement. Including me, since I really didn't have any choice but to watch, given that my eyes were frozen open by concrete. After a few seconds, Neil hesitantly asked, "Um… what?"

"We need to go see my father."

                                              To Be Continued…

[punkscowardschampions]

Amelia & Jac

Amelia: [okay so I'll put here what we said, for Jac's 18th Savannah sent her some flowers and Amelia binned them, obviously a big fight ensued and they haven't interacted from then in September to now which is nearly Christmas until Amelia sends her a christmas gift of the gay book with a portrait of Jac inside that'll just fall out when she picks it up and a chanel lipstick of some cute shade or other] Jac: [my vibe was if it was left on the step, leaving the book out there and taking the lipstick to send a message 'cos assumedly we'll walk past at some point as we live central] Amelia: [love that] Jac: If you were gonna take it upon yourself to decide I didn't want Savannah's gift, you should have also realised the same rule would apply to yourself Amelia: maybe Jac: No, you should have Jac: you wasted your money and time Amelia: I've got nothing else to do with either, so it hardly matters Jac: I'm not your distraction Jac: leave me alone Amelia: no, you're way more than that Amelia: but okay Jac: I don't have the energy for this Amelia: I didn't do this to force a conversation with you Jac: right Amelia: you're right, I shouldn't have got you anything Jac: you really shouldn't Jac: I don't want anything from you Amelia: alright, message received Jac: for fuck's sake Amelia: What do you want me to say? Amelia: it's been months, I miss you, I hate this Jac: You're about a lifetime too late for any of this Jac: things change Amelia: just go then Jac: Don't tell me what to do Jac: you haven't even apologized Amelia: because you're the only one who can tell me what I should or shouldn't do, okay then Jac: I declined your gift because I don't fucking want it Jac: that's my decision Jac: you can't force it on me Amelia: like it was my decision to get you one, even if you don't fucking want it Amelia: like it's my decision not to apologise when I'm not sorry Jac: it wasn't your decision to make Amelia: I know that Jac: She reached out to me Jac: and you ruined it Amelia: she didn't reach out, it was a cop out Jac: she remembered Jac: she didn't have to do anything Amelia: she didn't do anything Amelia: not even sign her name Amelia: fuck's sake,  and you're mad at ME for my lack of apology Jac: Yes she did, she sent my favourite flowers Jac: and yes I'm fucking mad at you, you don't even know what you started Amelia: at least hold her to the same standard Jac: No, because you aren't the same Jac: and this gift meant something to me, the gesture did Jac: and you couldn't stand that so you took it away Amelia: the false hope meant something to you Amelia: of course I can't stand that Jac: there's nothing false about it Jac: she was never here for my birthday before, not as my friend, she had no reason to remember, I'm blocked on anything that would tell her Amelia: because it's so hard to get around being blocked Jac: so, that would just prove she cared enough to look Jac: either way, that meant something Amelia: it doesn't mean she's coming back Amelia: or dumping her boyfriend Jac: it still means more to me than anything you could ever give or do Jac: so you deal with that Amelia: I can't Jac: You'll find my sympathy running a bit low Amelia: that's how I always find it Jac: I don't have the space in my head or my life to care about you Jac: alright, and I've never said different Amelia: yeah you have Jac: when? Jac: a million years ago when we were kids Jac: life's moved on from then Amelia: this year, things have happened that mean something, you've made space for me and cared about me Amelia: I don't need words, you lie whenever you speak anyway Amelia: and yeah, that's how long it's been, that's she's been gone and I've been here for you Amelia: you can't deal with that any better than you're telling me I have to Jac: I've only cared about myself Jac: that's facts Jac: you've been of some use and that's about as deep as it gets Jac: ask anyone, Amelia Amelia: No Jac: Yes Amelia: you love to make me look and feel crazy but I'm actually not Jac: because normal people throw other people's presents away Amelia: you know why I did Jac: and normal people let themselves be treated like this Jac: yeah, you're so right Amelia: there's a massive gap between normal and the levels of delusional you're trying to make me out to be right now Jac: I'm not trying to make you out to be anything Jac: I'm trying to get you to leave me alone, at best Amelia: and I've said I will Jac: then go Amelia: [does] Amelia: [gonna take this moment to tell you what the book is, We Are Okay by Nina LaCour it's obvs gay and YA again but we've lost the optimism of the previous Christmas because this one is about grief and loss and loneliness, basically this girl leaves her life behind without saying a word (again to go to college lol) after her grandad dies but then her friend who she's in love with and who I think is straight comes to visit her there so she gotta start dealing with all her shit, very apt Amelia well done. I think it does have a happy ending for said main character based on the title but not a fluffy one and she isn't getting with that friend I'm p sure] Amelia: [In clearer terms, this is a book about Marin, a girl who has lost her grandfather, and in doing so, pushed away her former best friend, Mabel. So when Mabel comes to town, Marin does not know what to do with the memories. Marin at once does not want Mabel here, regrets her being here, but also desperately wants Mabel to love her. She has walls up and she wants them down, but she is too terrified for them to ever come down. Marin has lost everything, including Mabel, her best friend and her maybe-something-more.  But it’s not a romance between Marin and Mabel. That is what is perhaps the saddest part. I once saw Nina LaCour talk live about this book, and she said something that perfectly sums up what is so arresting about this book: being queer and in love with your best friend is different than being straight and in love with your best friend. One is an experience in first love, and one is also that, but with an added experience of fear – not of rejection but of disgust. We do not want to hurt our best friends by loving them. We have learned to be ashamed of love and we carry that with us, through thick and through thin. BYE] Jac: [well, v on the nose, soz we won't be reading that hun and we didn't read the last one, so rude] Amelia: [maybe years from now bitch you will and you'll see what we were trying to give you] Jac: [perhaps but clearly not this one as it has essentially washed away lmao] Amelia: [something v poetic about a book about grief and loss and loneliness getting left on the step to disintegrate, when this is a film or netflix show I'll be v smug] Jac: [truly, the drama of it all] Jac: [setting it on fire is so last year, anyway, my thought is Amelia sees Jac and Jesse out somewhere but not out out like somewhere boring and every day which is confusing as it was to the fam 'cos she knows she's not talking or hanging out with them so she's like hmm] Amelia: [good idea but I don't know how I'm gonna be like oi what are you doing when it's none of your business hen LOL] Jac: [Jesse could talk to her 'cos we've established doesn't take a hint and it's like the most awkward] Amelia: [yeah because they are gonna be lowkey friends off and on even though she said they weren't after the vday thing last year so and maybe she asks about his gig he's meant to be doing or whatever cos he would've had to announce he ain't doing it on socials and everything like] Jac: [Jac just casually snapping at her like mind yo business Amelia] Amelia: [I'll pick the convo up after that fun little interaction then] Jac: [when you shoulda said nothing but it came out henny] Amelia: Don't talk to me like that Jac: Don't talk to my brother how's that Amelia: redundant Amelia: because I'll talk to him whenever I like as long as he's not the one upset about it Jac: Yeah, you've established you're a liar before now Amelia: No, we've established I have nothing to gain by keeping any promises to you Jac: and I give a fuck about what you wanna take from me Jac: you need to disappear, I don't want you in my life now, not even peripherally Amelia: I don't wanna take anything from you and I'm not Amelia: but disappearing isn't an option for a bit Jac: Contradict yourself immediately, it's really not a waste of my time Amelia: You're wasting your own time by continuing to have a go at me Amelia: when school's over we'll both be leaving, until then we're both stuck Jac: It wouldn't be a waste of time if you actually listened Amelia: likewise Jac: to what? Amelia: me obviously Jac: you have nothing I've ever wanted to hear Jac: and you're continuing to talk more bullshit now Jac: literally, mind your own business, it should not be hard Amelia: neither should getting your head around the concept that me talking to Jess isn't about you Jac: he isn't your friend Jac: he's my brother, I trump any kind of connection you had or wanna have for whatever sad reason Jac: so yeah, fuck off Amelia: if you want to make him choose, give him your bullshit ultimatum, I won't be Jac: No, you leave us alone Jac: it's like having a fucking stalker Jac: I am sick of the sight of you Amelia: I have left you alone like you asked Amelia: he's asked me to do no such thing Jac: You're pathetic Jac: get some friends of your own and you wouldn't have to cling on to someone being civil towards you Amelia: I've heard it all before Jac: then take the hint Jac: I'm so fed up of you and your moping Amelia: then take the 'advice' you're trying to give me and fuck off Jac: you see me coming, you should turn the other way Jac: I did not need to see you today, fuck's sake Amelia: yeah, I'll turn my desk around too, get back into detention, it has been a while Amelia: I wasn't looking for you, I don't want to see you either Jac: then it's in your best interest to run when you see Jesse coming then Jac: so glad you reached the logical conclusion, try to do it at the time next time, tah Amelia: bye then Jac: you're unbelievable Jac: you don't even feel remotely bad for what you've done Amelia: of course I fucking do Jac: bullshit Amelia: No it's not Amelia: but I'm not going to sit here and type out how and why I feel like shit when it means nothing Jac: you aren't sorry, you said, and you've not made any kind of attempt to actually make amends, not that you can now, it's too late Jac: it's all about how you feel and that you miss me and whatever else Jac: you don't care what I've been through Amelia: I'm not sorry for 🗑💐 but I'm sorry for hurting you Amelia: and that this means I'm not there now for whatever is happening Amelia: like you said, it's too late now Amelia: and like you also said, even if I was there, it's not good enough anyway so Jac: because this isn't some soppy book you read Jac: you aren't gonna save me and it'll all be happily ever afters Jac: this is real life and it's so much bigger than all this Jac: shit that you care about Amelia: yeah, it's my real life too Jac: none of this is real Jac: you're putting off getting one by kidding yourself that this will ever happen Amelia: it is to me Jac: just wait Jac: you'll find out soon enough Jac: this is nothing, all of it Amelia: maybe to you Jac: no fucking maybe Jac: you're a child, your problems are childish Jac: that's factual and I can't pretend to entertain it now Amelia: then don't Amelia: my problems aren't the same as yours because I'm not you any more than I could be Savannah fucking Moore, but guess what, it's not a competition Jac: they're non-existent Amelia: No, they exist, same as I do Amelia: but you don't have to bother about them or me Jac: Get over yourself, Amelia Jac: people have real shit going on, real stuff to deal with Jac: and you want anyone to care about your self-inflicted, whiney, entitled bullshit Jac: for what? 'cos you're an AMAZING friend, yeah, you don't use everything to your advantage or make it all about you Amelia: not really, I want you get away from me like you keep saying you want Jac: I didn't send you a present, loser Amelia: I didn't start a conversation about it Amelia: or keep this one going Jac: because you should feel fucking bad about what you did and you don't Jac: not even an eighth of what I do Amelia: I do feel bad, what do you want me to do to prove it, kill myself? For fuck's sake Jac: yeah good idea Amelia: nothing is good enough for you Amelia: you'd even twist that into something it isn't Jac: fucking try it Jac: I don't want you around Amelia: okay Jac: my life is ruined Jac: you don't get to be okay, you don't get to care about your pathetic crush Amelia: you don't get to tell me what to do or how to feel because your life is ruined Jac: Yes I do Amelia: No you don't Jac: really 'cos you've been pretty easy to manipulate this far Jac: don't act as if you've had say in anything Jac: that's about the only use you have had Amelia: well it's over, all of it Jac: call it like it hasn't been for months on my say so Jac: what is the point of you being alive, actually Amelia: I don't know Amelia: my parents, I guess Jac: good luck with getting that to last then Amelia: 🤞🍀🌠 Jac: give you 'til your late 20s before that stops being enough Amelia: it already isn't Jac: like I said, find some real trauma like the rest of us Jac: gives you something to cling to Amelia: or more to collapse under the weight of Jac: you don't even want to survive Amelia: and what? Jac: and that's the fundamental reason Savannah is better than you Jac: and I am too Jac: all I have is the shit behind me to drive me forwards Jac: and your ideal is to wallow in it Amelia: you've got a million reasons why, I don't care how they're numbered, to be honest Jac: you deserve the nothing you're left with and the nothingness that's coming Amelia: that's worked out perfectly then Jac: I swear to God you're lucky he was there Jac: any other day Amelia: yeah Amelia: you know what lessons to find me in Jac: I'm taking time off Jac: so you can have them Amelia: I really am lucky Amelia: maybe it'll make me care about 20 years in the future, like you do, or 5 or 1 Amelia: drive me forwards too Jac: unlikely Amelia: right now it is Amelia: I'm just trying to get through this conversation Jac: Jesus Amelia: my 🤔💭 exactly Jac: you clueless bitch Amelia: what am I supposed to be clued into? Amelia: we haven't spoken for ages Jac: and that's hardly a mystery Amelia: slag me off as much as you like, I don't know what's going on Jac: didn't inherit that off your mum then Amelia: clearly not Jac: yeah well when she finds out somehow you can hear all about it Amelia: finds out what? Jac: now you're gonna ask how I am Amelia: if you were in the hospital again or something that's more important than any of this bullshit Amelia: please just tell me Jac: no, because you did a grand gesture I didn't ask for so now I'm really all good Amelia: a Christmas present isn't a grand gesture Amelia: or what matters Jac: yeah, no shit it isn't Amelia: can you just Jac: what, tell you what's wrong with me? Jac: will that make you feel better Amelia: No Jac: yeah, that makes it almost seem worth it Amelia: forget it Amelia: I'll find out when everyone else does or I won't Jac: yeah Jac: your fake concern for 2 seconds was really comforting Amelia: nothing about this is fake for me Amelia: I don't know how many more times or ways I can make that fucking obvious Jac: you're all talk Jac: I expect nothing more or less from you at this point Amelia: because talking is all I can do Amelia: you won't take a 🎁 I'm not risking an actual gesture Jac: yeah, I heard Jac: nothing in it for you Amelia: okay, tell me I'm wrong Amelia: tell me there is Jac: no Amelia: say something Amelia: give me literally anything Jac: how many times can you be told it's not about you before you get it Jac: it's not about caring because I throw you false hope Jac: we were friends, once Amelia: which is exactly why I want you to tell me what it's really about Amelia: I care about you, I fucking love you Amelia: and something bad has happened Jac: depends on your point of view Amelia: put all of this bullshit between us aside and talk to me Amelia: you said it, we were friends Jac: I don't know if I actually want to hurt you this bad Jac: call me stupid Amelia: it's not about me, remember? Jac: still Jac: it's Amelia: you aren't going to talk to anyone else Jac: Jesse knows Jac: and my parents Amelia: that doesn't mean they know how you feel, just what's happened Jac: you won't be able to know either Jac: it isn't gay Amelia: this can still be one of those times where you say things to me that you don't to anyone else, if you want Amelia: if it'll help you Jac: Nothing will help me Jac: but I don't care Jac: I've got a baby Amelia: what? Jac: a dead one now Amelia: oh Jac: yep Amelia: when? Jac: it's why Jesse cancelled his gig Amelia: of course Amelia: that makes sense Jac: so now you know Amelia: yeah Jac: so yeah, there's nothing to be said or done and that's seriously it Amelia: okay, well I'm here if that ever changes Amelia: my mum's never gotten over it but I know talking helped her Jac: talking isn't going to assuage the guilt of creating and destroying life Jac: maybe I'll go pray but I doubt that does either Amelia: I don't know Amelia: there must be a reason therapy is so popular, you're the wannabe psychologist Jac: hope Jac: I'm not interested Amelia: alright, no talking Amelia: do you want to go out? Jac: and bleed over the four pairs of tights I'd have to wear to stop it running straight down my legs? Amelia: a no would be a perfectly acceptable answer Jac: yeah, it's perfectly acceptable to bother a therapist about it so you never mention it to anyone else Amelia: you're not going to mention it anyway, you've said as much Jac: that has nothing to do with your sensibilities Jac: if I wanted to, I could go into horrific detail Amelia: yeah, you could Amelia: you could also bleed all over my car if you wanted to Jac: Yeah right Jac: your entire street is curtain twitchers Amelia: we won't be hanging out on my street Jac: there's nowhere I could go that'll make me forget either Amelia: you've been stuck inside for days with your family, it's hardly a grand gesture to suggest taking you literally anywhere else Amelia: but okay Jac: Jess won't let me go anyway Jac: last time I said I'd hang out with you and he believed it I fucked your girlfriend so Amelia: you kissed her Jac: oh yeah Jac: same difference Amelia: no Amelia: there's quite a big difference Jac: maybe I told him I did then Jac: I don't remember Amelia: probably Jac: the outcome was the same is the point Amelia: the point is, Jess won't let you go Amelia: I got that Jac: I had to have someone come with Amelia: yeah Jac: not about to ask the poor sod who did it Amelia: have you told him though? Jac: yeah Jac: fucking embarrassing Amelia: I assume you're less likely to accidentally run into him than you are me Jac: I think I got points for dealing with it and being cool anyway Jac: go me Amelia: great Jac: it don't matter Jac: only would have if he'd kicked up a fuss Jac: but he didn't seem the sort and that's one less thing for me to feel guilty about so fuck it Amelia: does Darla know? Jac: I told her false alarm Jac: had to ask her about him so Amelia: then why do you think everyone's going to find out? Jac: people somehow always do Jac: I don't care anymore, not now Amelia: if my mum hasn't heard, it's unlikely Amelia: she knew about your alcohol poisoning immediately Jac: beneath her to have connections with an abortion clinic Amelia: she's not god squad Jac: close enough Amelia: my aunt had one after having Olivia, there was something wrong with the baby apparently Amelia: my mum wasn't protesting outside Jac: that's different then Jac: you have a reason, people can repeat that to themselves until they forget about it Amelia: you had a reason too Amelia: everyone does Jac: no, I had an excuse Amelia: you had a reason Jac: no, I didn't Amelia: yeah, you did Amelia: and if anyone else did it for the same reason you wouldn't call it an excuse Jac: Yes I would Amelia: you hate yourself, before this, after this and because of this Amelia: stop Jac: I didn't need to get pregnant, I did and then I killed it Jac: anyone who did that, I'd think exactly the same Amelia: you didn't mean to Amelia: and if you're going to punish yourself this hard for every mistake you ever make then you're going to last even less time than you think I will Jac: You don't act like that not not mean to Jac: all I need to do is live this year then I'll be doing what I actually want Amelia: and that's enough of a reason, don't you get that Jac: enough of a reason for what Amelia: you can't just have a baby you don't want Amelia: it's not like fucking lads you don't care about Jac: no one made me do any of it Jac: so it's not a reason Jac: it's stepping away from any responsibility Amelia: you made you Amelia: and you'd be a shit mum Jac: no, that's bullshit Jac: you tell yourself what you like about it but I know what I did Amelia: tell me you enjoyed it, any of the times Jac: it's sex Jac: that's one of but not the only point Amelia: say it then Amelia: what your point is Jac: Why am I repeating myself? Jac: I know what I did Jac: you aren't going to convince me otherwise Amelia: Why are you doing it? Jac: Well I can't anymore, actually Jac: 2 weeks minimum Amelia: but why have you ever? Jac: because I want to Amelia: you want Savannah Amelia: it hasn't helped you forget that, it won't Jac: neither do you but you didn't tell me not to do that Jac: I can still want to fuck guys Jac: end of Amelia: fine, I'll say it now Jac: yeah Amelia: I can't do this any more Jac: we aren't Amelia: we've said that before, it has to be different this time Jac: whatever Jac: you expect me to make promises to you? Jac: I don't fucking care, Amelia Jac: you deal with it, it's not my problem Amelia: okay Jac: Christ sake Amelia: What? Jac: Never mind, right, off you go Amelia: I'm not going Jac: 🙄 Amelia: you don't care, I heard you before Jac: you want it to be different this time Jac: do something about it Amelia: I'm not having sex with you, that's what I'm doing differently Jac: what's the point in that Jac: doing all the other shit, there's barely any difference Amelia: because I shouldn't have ever but I can't take any of it back Jac: we don't need to be friends either Amelia: we're not Jac: then leave Jac: why half-arse it, that's my point Amelia: I can't leave Jac: just the situation Jac: you don't actually need to kill yourself Amelia: no, I can't leave you Jac: don't be daft Amelia: I'm not repeating myself either Jac: please yourself Amelia: fuck you Jac: you'll be a long time waiting for a thank you Jac: I didn't ask for this Amelia: neither did I Jac: you have a choice Amelia: yeah, and I've made it Jac: and what? Jac: what would you like me to say? Amelia: don't say anything Amelia: I'd honestly love that Jac: yeah, I bet Amelia: the back and forth between utter lies and bullshit and brutal fucking honesty is worse than just the gaslighting Jac: then go away Jac: you're doing this to you Jac: I don't want you here Amelia: you're doing it to me Jac: no, I'm not Amelia: you are Jac: I'm literally telling you to go Amelia: you're always telling me to go Amelia: it's been over a year Jac: your lack of resolve is not my fault Amelia: if you really don't want me here, do something about it Jac: No, because I'm not crying about it Jac: if you feel so gaslit, fuck off Jac: don't reply, don't engage Jac: I don't owe you anything Amelia: you're literally complaining about it Jac: because you're crying wolf Jac: I can and will do what I want, that's how it's always been Amelia: It's no different for me, I've always done what I want too Jac: no, you're being horribly manipulated and used Jac: poor little Amelia Amelia: you fucking said it as a brag earlier Amelia: how easy it is Jac: so why are you repeating it back to me, like I don't know? Jac: you're waiting for me to deny it, or apologize and say it's not true and I care SO much Jac: get real Amelia: I'm waiting for you to stop Amelia: actually do anything you say you're going to Jac: why? Jac: why are you expecting me to act like I'm fine when I'm not Jac: keep making the same wrong call and act surprised when I do what feels right Jac: for fuck's sake, Amelia Amelia: I don't know Amelia: maybe because I'm not fine either but I don't treat you like this Jac: maybe 'cos you've got no willpower Jac: maybe 'cos struggling is a competition and I'm winning Amelia: maybe Jac: 🤔💭 on that Amelia: obviously Jac: fun never stops Jac: enjoy, like Amelia: 🎢 🎠��� Jac: 'tis the season Amelia: Merry Christmas 🎄🎅⛄ Jac: great Amelia: yeah Jac: make you feel better that? Amelia: 1. you literally don't care 2. neither do I Jac: I'm literally still bleeding from having my baby chemically expelled and you don't get any joy out of wishing me a Merry Christmas? Jac: what is the fucking point, if you're gonna be a cunt, commit to it Amelia: there's no point to any of this, we both get that Jac: nah, it actually makes me feel better to make you feel worse Jac: that's the point Jac: I have loads of them Jac: it's you who has zero idea what the fuck she's doing Jac: as per Amelia: oh well in that case, carry on Jac: if you hadn't worked that out by now, there is no hope for you Amelia: there's no hope for me anyway, as you've said repeatedly Jac: you seem pretty resigned to this whole victim thing you've got going on Jac: it's a fair observation Amelia: I'm sure it is Jac: yep, that's right, curl up into a ball 'til it's over Jac: fuck this Amelia: until what's over? Jac: the attack, whatever you wanna call it Amelia: I don't want to call it anything, I don't want to do this Amelia: you're the one who's getting something out of it, unless that's another lie Jac: then don't Jac: why the fuck are you still here? Amelia: because I can't fucking leave when you're in the middle of an abortion Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: the good friend points are not being counted any more Amelia: I don't care Amelia: if this is all I can do, over nothing, then so be it Jac: you're gonna let yourself be a punching bag Jac: seriously Amelia: why not? Amelia: it's not like it's the first time, or that I haven't for things that matter less Amelia: and it's too late to change any of that Jac: because I want you to stop Jac: to fight back Jac: to not do this shit anymore Amelia: I'm not fighting you right now, even if I had the strength to ever Jac: it's like Jac: you don't understand how dangerous it is Jac: what if this was someone else Jac: do you wanna end up like that, getting knocked about and taken advantage of Amelia: I don't give a fuck about the future, remember? Jac: well stop it Amelia: no Jac: stop Amelia: no Jac: fine Jac: I'll go Amelia: okay, go