#mutuals if u dont add me its over

[jessicas-pi]

it's actually, genuinely, honestly hilarious that in a fandom where popular ships include characters who are biologically related, characters with a 10+ year age gap who met when one was a teenager or even a child, and characters who have tried to kill each other, people hate on a friends-to-lovers ship with a <2 year age gap where the characters have a deep emotional bond and plenty of romantic subtext, because "they're siblings". my brother in the force they are literally not.

[amphitritebaby]

crazy rambling incoming

[juyeonszn]

SACRIFICE (EAT ME UP)

PAIRING lee hyunjae x f!reader

WORD COUNT 9.17k

GENRES horror ﹒ smut ﹒ angst ﹒ fluff ig?

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, mature language, mentions of murder, descriptions of crime scenes, mentions of blood, mentions of knifes, graphic description of stab wounds, mentions of potential mental illness, THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT CONSTITUTE WARNINGS BUT ?!1?1 I DONT WANT TO SPOIL !1!2!2, Lots of Kissing, mutual masturbation (f! receiving fingering & m! receiving hand job), pillow talk ig, big dick hyunjae 😈, um unprotected sex lol be safe u silly geese, car sex, cowgirl position yeehaw, creampie, this entire fic is just a whole fucking roller coaster i stg it’s gonna haunt me forever

SUMMARY with a serial killer running rampant on campus, everyone around you seems to be dropping like flies. but, hey, at least you have hyunjae to protect you.

MORE omg.. my first written work for tbz 🙀 extra super fun fact; this was originally an idea i had for hyunjin from skz on my other blog that i actually started writing the week before halloween last year (the reason it’s a horror fic), but i never finished and sort of felt like there was no point in continuing it after a while— that is until i stumbled upon the draft a few weeks ago and decided to revamp, edit, and complete it 😋 i kept going back and rereading and then blanking when i wanted to add to it until last night when i said fuck it and drank two cups of coffee to power through the end 🙌 anyways.. here u all go, my baby that i never thought would see the light of day and my first time writing a genuine horror piece <3 also special shoutout to rina my soulmate @tsukidou for beta reading 🫶

PLAYLIST sacrifice (eat me up) — enhypen, awake — the boyz, roar — the boyz, fever — enhypen, fate — enhypen, taste — stray kids, wake up — ateez, white noise — pvris, heaven — pvris

“Alright, that’s all for today’s lecture. If this was your last of the day, make sure to find someone to go home with and remember the curfew rules!” Your English professor says, concluding the class.

The students around you rush to pack up their things and get off of campus as soon as possible. You don’t seem to be in a hurry, though, taking your time to put away your notebook and laptop. Your roommates were still in their music production class, so you didn’t want to go home alone, deciding to wait until they were done.

“Y/N, don’t you wanna get home?” Professor Park asks, her voice echoing in the now empty lecture hall. She throws the strap of her bag over her shoulder and pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

“I do, but I have to wait for my roommates. They’re in a class right now and I’d rather not go by myself.” You let out an awkward laugh. She nods at your reasoning, giving you a small smile for comfort.

“Okay, you be careful! I’ll see you on Thursday.”

You raise your hand in a silent salutation, watching as she exits the room, leaving you completely alone. Though a public space, in a public building, the fact that there’s no one else nearby leaves you utterly unsettled. Your stomach churns with a twinge of fear and you start to feel a bit claustrophobic despite being in such a spacious area, so you choose this point to hurriedly collect your belongings and get the hell out of there.

The past couple of months have been in this weird state of limbo. You don’t recall exactly when the killings started, but once the police noticed a pattern, everyone knew sooner or later that the presence of a serial murderer would be announced on the local news. Your town enforced a citywide curfew to protect its citizens, but mostly the students at your university.

Every single one of the killer’s victims were university students. You were friends with a bunch of guys and while it was nice having big strong men surrounding you, you knew that could hardly do anything to quell the lingering anxiety you’ve felt ever since the spree began.

The police seemed to be having trouble coming up with any possible suspects, or even gaining any leads, thanks to the killer’s unusual victimology and the cool down time between murders always varying. If the people in charge of protecting you couldn’t do that, how were you supposed to feel safe?

In an attempt to get to the building where Jacob, Kevin, and Eric were as fast as you could, you speed walk out of the lecture hall, accidentally bumping into someone. You bow at a nearly ninety-degree angle and hurl out apology after apology following the collision, not trying to make any enemies in this day and time.

“Watch where you’re going, idiot.” The stranger spits, waiting for you to glance up at him to give you a nasty glare. He looks like the kind of guy who thought he was all that, despite peaking in high school. You feel your bottom lip quiver and you avoid eye contact.

“I—”

“Woah, dude, chill the fuck out. It was an accident, I’m sure she didn’t— wait, N/N, is that you? Hey it’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

There’s a familiar voice in your ears and a hand under your chin, forcing you to stand upright. Whoever you bumped into walks away with a scoff. You meet eyes with Lee Hyunjae, one of your dearest friends. He recognizes that hint of panic in your features and he frowns.

“I’m so sorry, Jae, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going—” Your breath is caught in your throat and you fumble over your words.

“Hey, hey, slow down,” he keeps a hold on your biceps. “It’s alright, I promise. He’s gone. What’s wrong?”

You shut your eyes tightly, feeling pathetic for causing such a scene for no apparent reason. Hyunjae guides you through your breathing, his focus trained on you the whole time. He always made you feel so comfortable.

“With everything that’s been going on, I’m just so paranoid and afraid of being alone. I wanted to go to the music department building and wait for the boys.” You finally explain once you’ve calmed down and the rise of your chest is even.

“How about this? I’ll take you home so you don’t have to stay on campus any longer.” He suggests, bringing up a hand to tuck some hair behind your ear. You nod slowly, gathering your bearings.

Hyunjae leads you to his car that’s parked in the lot closest to the building you were just in and the two of you make your way to your apartment. You’d been friends with your roommates for years now, meeting in eighth grade. You had just moved schools and happened to be put into a class with Eric Sohn, the most rambunctious boy you’d ever met. He thought you seemed really sweet upon first impression and decided to befriend you, introducing you to all of his friends in turn.

Aside from Eric, there was Sangyeon, Jacob, Younghoon, Hyunjae, Juyeon, Kevin, Changmin, Chanhee, Haknyeon, and Sunwoo. While it was a little overwhelming, it was nice going from zero friends to eleven in the span of just a couple days. You were pretty close to all of them, but you and Hyunjae initially hit it off the best. You understood each other on a different level than everyone else and to this day, you still don't know the exact reason why.

Towards the end of high school, your friendship with Hyunjae transformed into something that wasn’t purely platonic. You weren’t entirely sure when it started to change, but your feelings for him grew exponentially. You tried to keep them to yourself, hidden from the world to preserve your fragile teenage heart. Though you’d already been friends with them a few years at that point, you still had that inkling of dread in the pit of your stomach that one day they’d choose to stop talking to you. You especially didn’t want a silly crush to be the cause of that.

After a while, however, the lines began to blur together anyway and everyone could tell you felt for him romantically. Once, Eric had made a comment about it being so painfully obvious that Hyunjae was just as into you and it nearly shook your whole world.

When college time rolled around, you all knew you’d be attending the same university, so picking roommates was a bit of a tricky situation. You chose yours solely based on the fact that you were majoring in similar things, so it’d be easy to fit schedules together. (You also couldn’t handle being roommates with Hyunjae; it’d be too much for your heart.) Hyunjae lived with Juyeon, Changmin, and Sunwoo, while Sangyeon, Younghoon, Chanhee, and Haknyeon lived together.

Hyunjae parks in a spot near the stairs that lead to your unit. The car is still running when you unbuckle your seatbelt and you stare at the steps blankly. Though the close proximity with him has your pulse racing, you want nothing more than some company until your roommates get home. You turn to him shyly, balling up a fistful of your sweater.

“Jae, do you— do you think you could stay with me for a bit before the boys come back? I don’t— I really don’t wanna be alone right now.”

The look he gives you is full of adoration, like you personally put the stars in the sky. He smiles softly and nods, reaching across the center console to place a comforting hand on top of yours. The two of you keep them intertwined as you go inside your apartment, locking all the locks carefully before sitting on your couch.

You don’t make a comment about him not letting go despite already being in the safety of your home. You don’t say anything about him pulling you into his side either, mostly because you want him to.

With all that’s been happening recently, you’ve felt so hollow. There was this indescribable emptiness expanding in you and even though you so desperately wanted to chalk it up to something else, you knew it was due to the fact that there was growing anxiety that you could be next, that any of your friends could be next. You were starting to move like you were in a simulation, doing everything in your daily routine without a single emotion. Sure, you’d laugh when Eric made a stupid joke but that’s about the most anyone could get from you aside from the occasional panic attack.

Hyunjae being here and holding you is exactly what you needed to feel some semblance of warmth again.

There’s a soft knock on your bedroom door around eight that same night, waking you from your slumber. You don’t remember falling asleep or being moved to your bed, so you’re not too sure when Hyunjae left. You rub the sleep from your eyes as you get up to open your door.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to wake you, but we got some takeout if you’re hungry.” Jacob says with an apologetic smile, leaning on the door frame.

You give him a bleary look as you nod, following him into the dining room where your other two roommates were sitting at the table. Eric greets you through a full mouth. A small laugh escapes you when you sit across from him, Kevin adjacent to your seat. The sound of the TV in the living room plays as background noise as the four of you eat.

“So when’d you get home? I thought you were gonna wait for us.” Kevin asks.

“I was, but then I ran into Hyunjae when I was on my way to your building and he offered to bring me home,” you shrug, taking some tteokbokki with your chopsticks. “It was a whole thing, please don’t ask.”

Eric hums to himself, a mischievous grin on his face as he takes a sip of his cola. “Interesting. And you say he’s not into you…”

Heat blooms over your cheeks and you accidentally drop your chopsticks on your plate, their clacking against the ceramic garnering your roommates’ attention. Eric Sohn was now number one on your hit list. Kevin elbows him in the side and tells him to be quiet, despite the tiny upwards curve of his lips.

“If he cares about you as much as he seems like he does, he wouldn’t have left you here alone after you fell asleep,” Jacob mutters, looking at you from his peripherals. “What was the point of escorting you home if—”

“Jacob shut the fuck up,” Eric suddenly blurts, the three of you stare at him as he clambers over to the living room, turning up the volume on the TV. “Look!”

You turn in your chair, your stomach churning at the news report unfolding before you.

“We’re live just outside SNU, where another victim has been found. The body hasn’t been identified yet, but from what we do know, he was a student that attended the school,” the female reporter says into the microphone she’s holding, a glazed over expression in her eyes. “Crime Scene Investigators believe he was murdered at around six this evening, and was assumed to have been making his way home from campus. Updates are expected to come later tonight once we have more information.”

You know that far away, checked out gaze she had all too well. She’s reported on the killings for a while now, no doubt numb to the way things were at this point.

Your appetite spoils immediately and you excuse yourself from the table, making your way back to your room. You sit on your bed and bring your knees to your chest, taking a deep breath in, then covering your mouth when you breathe out to muffle the sob that follows. It was becoming too overwhelming for you and there was nothing you could do about it besides sit back and watch.

It was understandable for anyone in your situation to feel hopeless, how could they not? With someone terrorizing the city in an unpredictable manner, there was no sense of normalcy in anyone’s life. You shudder when you finally bring yourself to stop crying, digging your nails into the fat of your calves.

Through the walls, you can hear the boys talking, voices solemn.

“Why’d you have to put the TV louder, dumbass?”

“Sorry, I just like being up to date on the case, you know? I want to be prepared. What if I need to learn clone jutsu to take out the guy?”

“Eric, you’re such a clown, oh my god.”

“I get that you’re interested and all, but you have to be mindful of Y/N. You know how much this has affected her both emotionally and physically, she doesn’t need the constant reminder that it’s happening. And I’d appreciate if you apologized for telling me to ‘shut the fuck up’.”

There’s a snort in between.

“My bad, I didn’t mean to be rude about it. But while we’re on the topic, I think we both need to admit our mistakes. What you said about Hyunjae to her wasn’t cool either. I know we’re all friends, but it just came across too—”

“It was really snappy, Jacob. And a bit petty.”

“Yeah! What Kevin said.”

“I— you’re right. I just don’t want her getting hurt, in more ways than one.”

You don’t hear much else from the trio and sigh heavily, dragging your hands down your face and wiping your eyes with the heels of your palms. You grab your phone from your nightstand and hesitantly search for Hyunjae’s contact, the line ringing a couple times before he answers.

“Y/N? Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

“N-no, I’m fine. I was just— I wanted to check on you and make sure you were okay,” you mess with your bottom lip. “I heard there was another victim and I didn’t know when you left the apartment, so I just— uh— I just needed to know that you were safe. I called to see if you’d answer.”

You squeeze your eyes shut out of embarrassment, even if he can’t exactly see you. The stuttering was enough to make you go into hiding for the rest of your life if this serial killer didn’t.

“Oh,” you can hear the slight chuckle in his response from the way his breath hits the speaker. “It means a lot that you’d do that, N/N. Really, I appreciate you so much.”

Your lip finds itself between your teeth and your heart is pounding unbearably fast, you think you might be having a heart attack. You bring a hand up to clutch at your chest as a fuzzy feeling courses through your whole being.

Now you were scared for an entirely different reason.

(The main one occupies your mind again later that night when you scroll through your Twitter feed, only to find out the most recent victim was the guy you accidentally bumped into. You feel like some sick version of a guardian angel was looking after you. It makes it hard to fall asleep after that.)

A couple days passed and you found yourself thinking about Lee Hyunjae more than usual.

Not to say that you didn’t already think about him at least once a day, but now it was worse. When you woke up, you wondered if he was still asleep. While you drank your morning coffee, you wondered if it’d taste sweeter had he made it for you. When you had lunch, you wondered if he’d like the spam musubi you made yourself. When you attended your other classes, you wondered which courses he was struggling with this semester.

As you were walking out of your English class, you recalled running into him. Had he not been there, you might’ve driven yourself insane trying to rush over to the music building while diffusing the issue with that stranger.

When you first began to harbor feelings for him, you assumed it would become nothing more than a silly schoolgirl crush. He was attractive and kind to you, but that was just the bare minimum— you thought you’d grow out of it. However, as time went on, what you thought was just puppy love had blossomed into something stronger. It was a force to be reckoned with.

Of course, all of that had been tossed on the back burner with everything that’s going on. Recently you’ve been too afraid for your own safety and well-being to over analyze your interactions with Hyunjae, but now you’re back to square one.

All because he’d done something nice for you.

God, the bar was so low. Was it really too much to ask for someone who was decent? Someone who wasn’t a serial killer?

You were on your way to the music building to wait for Jacob, Kevin, and Eric once again, when you see Hyunjae coming down the hall. He’s on his phone, not paying any mind to his surroundings. You’re about to call out to him when someone stops you, tugging on the sleeve of your sweater gently.

“Hey, Y/N right?” The tall boy asks, a charming smile on his face.

“Uh— yeah,” you nod, tucking some hair behind your ear. “Y-you are?”

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry! I must seem like a total weirdo,” he laughs, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “I’m Mingyu! We have English together.”

“Oh, you’re Mingyu? Professor Park told me about you before class today,” you give him a small comforting smile. “I don’t mind helping you!”

“Ah, that’s great to hear. I was a bit worried you’d be more annoyed about having to tutor someone so late in the semester.” Though he’s much taller than you and approached you first, Mingyu comes across as a little shy in nature. It puts you at ease in a way.

“No, not at all! English isn’t always the easiest, I get that. I wanna help as much as I can before finals. Look,” you pause, pulling your backpack off one shoulder to rip out a sheet of paper. “I’ll give you my number so we can arrange meet up dates! I’d prefer if we met at the library if that’s okay with you?”

Mingyu grins and sports a thumbs up in agreement. “That sounds perfect. Thank you so much, Y/N!”

You scribble your phone number onto the paper and hand it to him before parting ways. With the off guard conversation, you nearly forgot about Hyunjae, who was nowhere to be seen now. You feel your lips droop into a frown, since you were hoping you could talk with him for a second.

As you’re walking across the quad to the music building, a wind chill blows past you, making you wrap your arms around yourself. It was mid November and for some stupid reason, you were only wearing a small cardigan.

When you squint up at the sky, you also realize it’s more overcast than anything. There’s an angry grey cloud right above you and you curse yourself for not having an umbrella or a raincoat. You should've been more prepared, especially because of the inconsistent weather this time of year.

Suddenly, the sky is blocked from your view and you furrow your brows, spinning around. Hyunjae stares back at you with a smile ten times warmer than the frigid air surrounding you and a thicker jacket in one hand. The other holds up an umbrella just as tiny droplets begin to fall from above.

His timing couldn’t have been better.

“Heading to the music building?” He asks, skillfully placing the coat on your shoulders.

“Mhm… was gonna wait for the boys.” You respond, a little awestruck by how gorgeous he was. Especially up close. Your eyes fixate on the freckle on his nose rather than his own. He hums, keeping an arm around your shoulders as he leads you in a different direction.

“I can take you home again,” he glances down at you. “I don’t mind one bit.”

“O-okay!”

During the car ride to your apartment, you send a quick text to your roommates about not waiting up. You were happy that your relationship with Hyunjae was evolving. The past couple semesters had been rough, and you hadn’t seen him or any of the other guys nearly as much as Jacob, Kevin, and Eric. (And that was only because you lived with them.)

You toss your keys on to the mini table beside the front door, taking off your shoes with a small groan. The boots were cute, but not very comfortable. Hyunjae follows suit, his sock clad feet shuffling against the floor to sit on the couch.

After switching on the TV, you find a random Hallmark Christmas movie to play in the background, knowing full well that his presence beside you was too distracting. The brunette turns to face you, placing a hand on your thigh gently to get your attention.

“So, who was the dude you were talking to earlier?”

You blink at his question. So he saw you after all. Was he perhaps jealous? The idea shouldn’t make you giddy, but it does. “My professor asked me to tutor him ‘cause he’s struggling with English. Why?”

“Just curious. He seemed a little touchy.” Hyunjae plays with the hem of your sweater.

“O-oh. It’s fine, he wasn’t a random perv, if that’s what you were wondering.”

He scoots a little closer to you, tucking some hair behind your ear. You feel your face flush impossibly hotter. Your heart is racing and your breath is caught in your throat. His body heat radiates off of him with the new proximity.

“Good. It drives me crazy seeing other guys put their hands on you.” He admits bluntly, his hand resting at the junction where your neck meets your shoulder.

You know you look insane, your chest heaving up and down and your eyes widened a little. Like a baby deer caught by a predator. Who knew sweet sweet Hyunjae had a rather risqué side to him? You swallow thickly, not daring to move an inch. His thumb caresses your skin gently, goosebumps littering in its wake.

“Hyunjae…” You breathe, lips parting as you finally make eye contact with him.

“You’re so pretty, Y/N.”

You want to scream into the cushion behind you, your hands clamming up. Hyunjae looks like he could swallow you whole if he wanted to, his bottom lip between his teeth as he leans in a bit more. This moment was something straight out of one of your darkest fantasies. You never thought this would ever happen, that either of you would ever actually make a move on the other.

The sound of the front door unlocking catches both of your attention. Hyunjae pulls away from you faster than your brain can comprehend what exactly just occurred. Jacob is the first to walk in, laughing at something Eric said. The three males pause when they see you’re not alone.

The greetings are quick, Hyunjae dapping up the boys as if nothing. He’s also quick to say goodbye, ensuring them that he’ll make sure you’re safe when they’re not around. He gives you that smile of his, the one where his eyes form crescents, and then he’s gone.

You don’t know how much more of this you could take.

“So, Y/N…” Eric starts in the middle of dinner, side eyeing you as he shovels rice into his mouth. “You and Hyunjae have been together an awful lot lately.”

Kevin snorts, kicking the blonde under the table. You suppose it was going to come up eventually. This ‘Will They, Won’t They’ back and forth shit was starting to tire you out. You weren’t getting any younger. Time was passing you up the longer you waited to just say something. And with all that’s been going on, it was silly to be afraid of admitting your feelings.

“He’s being a good friend, Eric,” Jacob sighs, reaching across to flick him on the forehead. “It’s actually really nice that he watches over Y/N when we’re gone.”

Eric grimaces, rubbing the spot that Jacob assaulted. You frown a bit when you realize that he had a point. Hyunjae was treating you like a child that had to be tended to, babysitting you like you weren’t capable of holding your own. Granted, both times he’s come over, you asked him to. So you couldn’t really blame him for assuming you wanted him around to protect you.

“Do y’all think Hyunjae actually likes me? In a non-platonic way?”

Kevin’s spoon clatters onto the floor and they all pause their banter to look at you. Every time your feelings for Hyunjae were brought up, you chose to ignore them and switch the subject. You can’t keep running away.

“Uh— yeah. Duh. Of course he does. I don’t know anyone else who would go out of their way to stay with someone they saw as just a friend multiple times a week so she felt safe.” Kevin finally answers after a moment.

“Okay.” You settle on, taking a sip of your water.

“What do you mean ‘okay’?” He raises an eyebrow at you, but you just shrug.

“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

As you’re washing the dishes after dinner, you hear the news broadcast over the faucet. Another victim had just been found behind the campus library. The camera shows the scene behind the reporter, something that would’ve made you queasy a couple days ago, but now you feel nothing— just a dull ache in your chest. It’s messy, almost like the killer was in a hurry to get it over with.

The body is covered with a black tarp, paramedics wheeling it away in the corner of the screen. The reporter still wears that dissociated expression on her face as she goes over the details of this victim. She explains that because the murder was done so haphazardly, they were able to identify the body easily.

Twenty three year old Kim Mingyu, Sports Med Major.

The rest of the news report sounds like static in your ears as you scrub away at the dishes mindlessly. Your fingers have pruned and the water was burning the backs of your hands, but you don’t feel it, too checked out to care. It seemed like the killings were getting closer and closer to you. Part of you thought you’d be next every single time.

You had to tell Hyunjae how you felt. It was now or never.

Fifteen minutes later, he’s waiting outside of your apartment complex, leaning against his car. You take careful steps down the stairs, nearly fainting at the sight of him in a hoodie and grey sweatpants. He runs around the car to open the passenger door for you, only shutting it when you’re all buckled up. It’s not long after that he revs the engine and drives off to nowhere in particular, just like you requested. (Curfew ignored.)

It’s silent at first, save for the low hum of his music, R&B that resonates somewhere within your soul. You can’t help but steal a glance from your peripheral, fisting your sweatshirt when you see how concentrated he looks while driving. He has his right hand resting on the gear shift, the other gripping the wheel. You could’ve had this view all to yourself so long ago had you just spoken up.

“Hyunjae,” your voice is wobbly, but you steel yourself to continue. “I have something to tell you.”

“What is it?” He asks, keeping his eyes on the road.

“Do you think— uh— do you think you could pull over?” If you were going to confess, you wanted him to look at you. Besides, the drive was starting to make you jittery.

He nods and goes a bit further, before pulling into an empty lot. He shifts into park, unbuckling his seatbelt so he could turn his body towards you, giving you his undivided attention. You mirror him, tightening your hold on your sweater when he wets his lips, smiling at you. “Is this what you called me for?”

“Yeah, actually,” you force yourself to keep eye contact, pushing the lump back down your throat. “I’ve wanted to tell you this for years now, if I’m being honest with both of us.”

He chuckles, much like he did the other night over the phone. It drives you just a little crazy. “I’m listening.”

“I— I don’t know how to word this properly…” You wipe your palms on your legs. Come on, Y/N, spit it out already. “Fuck, okay, I like you Hyunjae. Like, really like you. In the way that I sometimes wish you would kiss me until I can’t breathe. I’ve been so afraid of admitting that to myself, but I’ve realized that life is way too short to dwell over the fear of rejection. But please, tell me you feel the same.”

He stares at you with an indecipherable look in his eyes. You feel like throwing up now, you stomach twisting and churning at the thought that you just ruined everything between you. There was no going back after this. He knew.

It’s as if months have passed by in utter silence with Hyunjae just sitting there, no words coming out of his mouth, until finally, he just leans across the center console, cupping your cheek with one of his hands. His vision is trained on your lips, his face close enough that his lashes flutter against your skin. God, he was even more gorgeous from this distance.

Instead of saying anything, he presses his lips to yours, a sweet but desperate kiss that melts away all the worries tucked into your head. They feel so soft on your own, molding together in near perfect timing. It’s like you’d been living for a year without rain and this kiss was the shower that saved you from a drought. It’s all you’ve ever wanted and needed and more.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” he breathes when he pulls away slightly. “The real thing is so much better than I imagined it would be.”

For once, time slows down in this moment, almost like the world stopped spinning on its axis. Everything slips from your mind and it’s just you and Hyunjae, here in his car in the middle of an empty parking lot. Nothing else matters. You smile at his confession, a genuine smile that was spurred on by contentment rather than force. You felt light and airy, no longer weighed down by such a trivial problem.

“I think I have an idea,” you giggle, reaching up to brush a stray hair from his face. “I’m not too sure, though, I could be wrong. Could you do that again to help jog my memory?”

Hyunjae laughs, (it’s the most melodic sound you’ve ever heard) but doesn��t hesitate to kiss you. You reciprocate his passion, tangling your fingers in his dark hair. He sighs into the kiss, pulling you on top of him. Your legs straddle his lap as best as they can and he reaches down to recline his seat, scooting it as far as it can go from the wheel. The thin material of your fleece shorts hardly hide the feeling of him under you, a low moan pushing into his mouth.

He nips at your bottom lip, tugging at it with his teeth gently before peppering kisses along your jaw and neck, sucking along the exposed skin from your sweatshirt. You whine, throwing your head back as his tongue soothes over the bruising area. His hands slide under your top, rubbing up and down your sides before moving them down to your thighs, repeating the action.

“You’re so gorgeous on top of me like this, Y/N.” Hyunjae says, just above a whisper like someone else might hear this intimate conversation. He grips your hips and bucks upwards to grind into your clothed core. Your eyes widen and you involuntarily moan at the sensation. This wasn’t what you were expecting when you planned to confess, but you didn’t hate the outcome. He grins at your response, reconnecting your mouths sloppily.

If you were given the choice, you were wholeheartedly satisfied with just this. You would’ve been plenty okay with just making out. Had you been asked years ago that you’d even get this far, you would’ve snorted in your own face, so why should you be greedy and want more than what you had? (That’s not to say that you didn’t.)

“H-Hyunjae,” you stutter, your brain foggy from all of the kissing you just did. “Do you…?”

You trail off, not sure how to word your question. You didn’t want to come off like a sex crazed maniac, but you didn’t want to come off like an amateur virgin either. Truth of the matter is, you were neither, but it had been a while since you indulged yourself in something of this sort. And this time it would be with Hyunjae, the one person you never thought you’d do this with. You were nervous.

All you wanted was to be entwined with him in more ways than one. You wanted all of him— the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the sick, the healthy. He could do no wrong on your eyes and you wanted to show him that.

“Do I…?” Hyunjae trails off, waiting for you to continue.

“Do you want to make love… with me?” This had to be the single most mortifying moment of your life. You cover your face in humiliation, shying away from him when he sits up on his elbows.

“What kind of question is that?” He asks with a chuckle, prying your hands from your face so he could look you in the eyes. “If I could make love to you every hour of the day, for seven days a week, I would. I want you all the time, Y/N. Earlier today, before we got interrupted, I wanted to do unimaginable things to you.”

You hide yourself in the crook of his neck, your skin flushing hotter. Weren't you wearing too many layers? The car was starting to feel stuffy. Hyunjae’s chest rumbles with laughter beneath you, pressing his lips to the shell of your ear. This is probably the gentlest he’d be with you all night, because from what you could infer, he was a manhandler.

“Take care of me,” you breathe, mouth brushing against his pulse point. “Please.”

Hyunjae stops holding himself back. He’d do whatever you asked of him, only hoping you’d be tied to him in every lifetime, just like this one. He kisses you again with an unrivaled fervor, slipping his hands inside your sweatshirt and touching you everywhere physically possible. They’re warm on your skin, palming your breasts over the flimsy fabric of your bralette.

He helps you get rid of your top and shorts, leaving you in just undergarments. The sight of you barely clothed sends him into a frenzy, especially knowing it’s for his eyes only. You aid Hyunjae in pulling off his hoodie and yanking his sweatpants down his long legs. The minute most of your restrictions are gone, Hyunjae brings you closer to him. He hisses at the contact, the warmth of your cunt through your panties putting him under a spell.

You whimper when his touch travels down your front, sneaking into the waistband of your underwear. The pads of his middle and ring fingers apply the lightest amount of pressure onto your clit the second he finds it, circling the sensitive bundle of nerves. Your nails on one hand dig into his shoulder while the other trails down his abdomen, rubbing up and down his length through his boxer briefs.

Hyunjae groans into your kiss and you gasp for air as you tear from him, resting your forehead on his to watch as you get each other off through your clothes. If earlier was something taken from one of your wet dreams, what did this constitute as? You clench around nothing when he pushes up into you, your wrists clashing. Knowing he was just as down bad for you as you were for him just made this all that much more real.

“I need to feel you around me,” he mumbles in your ear, dipping his fingers in and out of you languidly as if to explain what he meant. “Let me stretch you out.”

You nod in response, fumbling with his briefs. Hyunjae lifts his hips enough for you to help him out of them. You groan when he reveals his impressive size, wondering how exactly he expected you to take him. He pushes your panties to the side, mimicking the sound you just made when he sees your bare pussy drooling for him. You eventually get frustrated and line him up with your hole, sinking down in one fluid motion. A voluminous moan escapes from the back of your throat, his dick throbbing achingly inside of you. At first you stay still like that, your pelvises touching as you adjust to his length and girth.

“H-holy shit— you’re s-so deep, Jae,” you cry, resting your forehead against his yet again. He pecks your lips, holding onto your hips to help you bounce on his cock, practically impaling you every single time.

“Fuck, you’re taking me so well. Such a good fucking girl,” Hyunjae grunts, the warmth of your walls drawing him in even further. “So tight, too.”

Your thighs begin to burn and your movements become slower, which he takes note of instantaneously. He bends his knees and forces your upper half impossibly closer to him, thrusting up into you. This new angle allows him to find that one spongy spot that has you seeing stars, fogging up your brain and even your vision.

You cast a downward glance at the minimal space between where the two of you are connected. Your moans and whines grow louder with the view of every thrust of his hips into yours. Hyunjae sneaks his hand in the middle of you, his fingers expertly toying with your clit. Any more stimulation and the band in your stomach is snapping.

You’ve had sex before. You’ve slept with a handful of other guys in the past, but nothing could ever compare to this moment. Your cunt had already memorized his size and every vein, effectively ruining the chances of any other man doing this with you. Lee Hyunjae had you in a chokehold whether he realized it or not. He had you wrapped around his finger without really trying, but you could never complain.

Your walls squeeze his cock and he knows he won’t last much longer, shutting his eyes tightly. “C’mon baby, you gonna cum for me?”

“Mhm,” you whimper, your skin flush on his own. “Wanna cum so bad for you, Hyunjae.”

“Yeah? Me too, sweetheart,” he pants, the thumb on your hip pressing against the bone. “Where do you want me?”

“Inside,” you babble. “Please, please. I want you to cum inside me, Hyunjae.”

He kisses you softly just then, swallowing your pretty moans with something completely opposite of what he’s already given you, and that’s what sends you spiraling, fluttering around him. He groans, spilling into you and letting you milk him dry of everything he has to offer, painting your insides just like you asked him to.

You lay like that for a while, Hyunjae’s dick still buried in you to the hilt. Both of you attempt to catch your breaths and bring yourselves down from the well-anticipated euphoric state you just visited. You giggle at the condensation coating the windows of his car, extending your arm to draw a heart and a smiley face with your finger. He slowly pulls himself out, hissing at the sensitivity, but doesn’t make a move to get you off of his chest.

Where do you go from here? A line had just been crossed and you weren’t entirely sure you knew what he wanted from you. It’s one thing to imagine kissing and fucking someone extensively. But it was another to actually want a tangible, romantic relationship from them, to actually capacitate feelings for them.

“I love you,”

You jolt up and stare at him with widened eyes. Did those words really just come out of his mouth? As if he can read your mind, he nods. There’s a dragged out sigh, followed by him sitting up slightly with you perched on his lap.

“I really do, Y/N. I’ve felt this way for years and I’m willing to do anything for you.” He admits, tucking some of your hair behind your ear. You kiss him gently, the pad of your thumb swiping across his cheekbone.

“I love you, too.”

The Saturday after your night in Hyunjae’s car brought everything into perspective for you.

You hadn’t spoken to him since he dropped you off at your apartment and it was beginning to worry you. Even though you made sure he reciprocated your emotions, there still could’ve been a misunderstanding. Had you been too forward? Did you scare him away? Did something happen to him? Whatever the explanation was, you didn’t like the eerie feeling it started brewing in your stomach— it was foreboding.

In spite of not talking to them at all in what seemed to be a month or so, you tried calling each of your mutual friends to see if you could get some answers. Not even his roommates picked up their phones and this made you much more uneasy. You pace back and forth in your living room, nicking at your bottom lip with your nails. Why did he choose now of all times to ghost you? What went wrong?

Kevin comes out of his bedroom a couple minutes later, expecting to grab his morning coffee as usual. When he finds you nearly on the brink of insanity instead, he decides to intervene. He supposed his caffeine could wait until his best friend was calmed down. You jump in surprise, holding a fist to your chest. He raises his hands in mock surrender.

“Didn’t mean to startle you, my bad. What’s up? Why do you look like you’re going through a quarter life crisis?” Kevin asks you, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Is everything okay?”

“I—“ you pause and take a deep breath. “I don’t know…”

His eyebrows furrow and he guides you to the sofa so you could sit down. “What do you mean ‘you don’t know’?”

“Hyunjae hasn’t talked to me since Thursday night, after he brought me back here,” your voice is hoarser than you’d like it to be. “I-I texted and called him a bunch but he hasn’t replied. I even— I even tried Juyo, Sunwoo, and Changmin. No luck with them either. I’m concerned, Kev.”

Kevin combs through his hair, pursing his lips in thought. “Yeah, okay, I would be too. It's a little weird that none of them are responding. Have you thought of just showing up at his place to check in on him?”

You shake your head. “No, I didn’t want him to think I’m clingy and annoying in case he was there. What if he just wants to get me off of his back and he’s telling them to ignore me?”

“I don’t think that’s the case at all, Y/N,” your friend sighs, putting his glasses on top of his head and running a hand down his face. “Hyunjae has never been that kind of person in all the years we’ve known him. I highly doubt he’d switch up now. Plus, he’s literally crazy about you. I’m pretty sure the guy would move heaven and earth for you if he could. I think there’s a very real and genuine possibility that something is seriously wrong. It’s like— it’s just a gut feeling, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” If Kevin felt this way, too, that would only mean one thing, right? You had to get to the bottom of this. There was a chance that lives depended on it. A quick roll of your neck and you’re standing. “I’m gonna go over there. I can’t leave things unanswered. I can’t wait for a fucking news report.”

The ravenette pats the top of your head. “Be careful, N/N. Please.”

You give him a nod before you’re slipping into your shoes and grabbing his car keys. You’re not exactly dressed for a confrontation if there is one— clad in a pair of sweatpants, an oversized sweatshirt with your university’s crest on it, and socks with sandals— but you were too preoccupied to care.

The drive itself was mentally taxing, your brain dissociating most of the ride. You’re not sure how many of the lights you passed were actually green. The closer you got to Hyunjae’s apartment, the more that trepidation settling in your lower abdomen grew. Throughout your life, you’d never been the type of person who acted on instinct or had a nagging voice in the rear of your head warning you about situations you got into. You usually went with the flow and if you made a mistake, you allowed yourself to learn from it.

However, that was prior to being thrown into a period of uncertainty like this one. Now, all you could do was act on instinct. All you could do was listen to the stupid nagging voice in the rear of your head yelling at you. All you could do was follow the blaring alarms and caution signs in your field of vision. And this time they were almost deafening.

Kevin’s car rolls to a stop outside of Hyunjae’s building, occupying an empty spot three away from the front of the stairs. Your pulse races when you step out of the vehicle and immediately recognize the cars in the spaces beside yours. Hyunjae’s, Juyeon’s, and Changmin’s. You notice a thin layer of dirt caking Juyeon and Changmin’s, as if they’d remained unmoved for a long time. Perturbed wasn’t a big enough word to describe what was going through your mind.

Half of you was terrified to take a step towards the stairs, let alone ascend them to Hyunjae’s floor. What would go down when you reached his apartment? What would happen the moment that door opened?

You ball your hands into fists, the edges of your nails jabbing the skin of your palms. The pain steels you enough to move forward, walking up the stairs slowly. There’s a chill tiptoeing along your spine the whole trip up, like your body knew what you were getting yourself into before you did. Maybe you were stupid. Only an idiot would lead themselves blindly into a scenario without knowing the outcome.

It’s been minutes of you staring at the slightly rusted numbers on Hyunjae’s door before you register that you’re standing in front of it. If you're being honest, you have no idea what you’re doing. You were acting on autopilot— progressing without a thought of what’s coming next. A shuddered breath leaves your lips and you raise your knuckles to the door.

The first knock is too soft to hear if the inhabitants were in their bedrooms, so you apply more force the second time. The sound reverberates through the hall, a wince appearing on your features. If someone was inside, surely they had to have heard that one. You wait a little longer for the door to swing open and reveal one of your friends looking perfectly fine. For Juyeon to showcase that grin of his that reaches his eyes and ask what you were doing here. For Changmin to give you that sweet smile that puffed up his cheeks and ask what you needed. For Sunwoo to blow a raspberry before he laughed at how silly you were for stressing over them. For Hyunjae to reassure you that it was all going to be okay, that he loved you. You were praying for that.

But no one showed up on the other end of that doorway and you were stuck glaring at that same painted board of wood.

That’s what sends your instincts into overdrive. Your hand grabs the knob, twisting it just in case. It makes a full rotation, pushing open the door the tiniest bit. You peek inside carefully and find all the lights in the living room and kitchen off. Your teeth bite down on your lip as you enter the apartment. One of the things you hated about it, was the annoying buzz of the fluorescent lights in their bathroom. And for some reason, that was all that infiltrated your ears.

The door for said bathroom was cracked just a tad at the end of the hallway, but what caught your attention was the room closest to you— also cracked the most miniscule amount. You see light filtering through, an almost orange glow like that of a desk lamp. Your stupidity would be your downfall, you conclude, your feet gravitating to the room. It’s Hyunjae’s you recall when you’re outside of it. They always say curiosity killed the cat, and you couldn’t help but revert to a feline and nudge it open with your foot.

You really wished that saying was just that— a saying.

Eric sits ahead of you, tied to a chair in the middle of the room. There’s a piece of fabric gagging his mouth and his clothes are tattered, blood staining nearly every inch. A long gash runs along his left bicep and a myriad of smaller cuts litter his face and arms. What your focus lands on first are the several deep stab wounds on his thighs.

A hand comes up to cup your mouth to keep yourself from screaming at the sight of your best friend in this position. He struggles against his restraints, muffled cries for your assistance shattering your heart into a thousand pieces like broken shards of glass. Tear streaks mixed with dried blood cover the apples of his cheeks.

“Oh my god, Eric,” your voice wobbles as you scramble to free him. “Oh my god…”

You pull down the fabric in his mouth first and he gasps for air. His eyes widen at something behind you and he warns, “Y/N—!” before he’s interrupted by your yelp. The person pressed into your back has their arm around your neck with a hold tight enough that you can’t escape, but loose enough that you can breathe, the blunt edge of a knife grazing the column of your throat.

“Tsk tsk, Youngjae. You should know that making so much noise when your killer’s not in the room just alerts them of suspicious activity. That’s survival 101, my friend. Isn’t that right, sweet sweet Y/N?”

No.

No. No. No. No. No.

This wasn’t happening.

This couldn’t be happening.

“Please, let her go, Hyunjae.” Eric begs. Hyunjae hums, nuzzling his nose in your hair. He rolls his eyes and scoffs after inhaling your scent, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“God, you’re a mouthy one. Not even Juyeon and Sunwoo were this chatty when I slit their throats— then again, it's not like they could talk much anyway.” He snorts.

You felt sick. You were lightheaded now, just at the thought of your friends gone. “W-why are you doing this?”

Hyunjae grumbles, pouting his lips. “Time for me to unravel my evil villain monologue, huh?” He slips a hand under your sweatshirt and pinches the side of your waist. “Well here it is; what you’re dying to know. The first incident was by complete accident, we were simply having a discussion about why he shouldn’t have been staring at your ass while his girlfriend was next to him at Jeong Jaehyun’s end of summer bonfire. The dude got pissed off that I called him out and tried to start a fight, but I shoved him so hard, he fell and hit his head on a rock. I just couldn’t find it in myself to feel bad about it so I left him there like nothing. From then on, anyone who came between us or remotely hurt you in any way wound up on the receiving end of this knife. Funny isn’t it? How you’re the one beneath it this time?”

It all began to fall into place once he laid the cards out on the table for you to read. The guy you ran into Tuesday after class. Poor Kim Mingyu, who just wanted to pass his English final. Your friends not picking up their phones. And supposedly it was all in the name of love.

“Y-you did that for me?”

“Of course, baby,” Hyunjae mutters into the shell of your ear. “I said I’d protect you didn’t I? I just want you all to myself.”

“What the fuck does that possessive bullshit have to do with me? What did it have to do with Juyo or Changmin or Sunwoo?” Eric cries. “Oh god, what about—?”

“Sangyeon, Hoon, Chanhee, Hak? Yeah, those four were taken care of way before my own roommates. You, obviously, were the chosen one this go around. Then it would be Kevin and lastly, Jacob. I planned on stopping after you three unless absolutely necessary.”

“How is any of this fucking necessary? You’re psychotic,” the blonde exclaims, still wriggling in his restraints. “Why would Y/N want you after all of this? Did you really believe she’d never find out about what you’ve done?”

Hyunjae glides the smooth edge of the blade against your skin and releases you from his grip, but takes a hold of your wrist, placing the handle in your grasp. He urges you forward, closer to Eric. “If she was scared of me, don’t you think she would’ve tried harder to escape me? Didn’t even blink when I held the knife to her neck.”

The brunette kisses your temple and you watch the fear in Eric’s eyes morph into defeat. “After everything we’ve been through? I’ve known you since eighth grade, Y/N. Eighth fucking grade. And this is how it ends?”

“H-he loves me,” you stutter, glancing at Hyunjae. “Don’t you?”

“You don’t kill your best friends out of love, Y/N! He’s insane! Please, don’t let him get into your head. You’re not that kind of person.” Eric attempts to reason.

Maybe you weren’t. Maybe you were. Who knows? That didn’t matter. What mattered was the fact that Hyunjae loved you. He loved you so much that he’d kill for you. Over and over and over again.

It was kind of comical that you loved him all the same. You, too, would kill for him. Over and over and over again.

© juyeonszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[useless-pvppy]

Hewooo this will be da official intro post to my lil blog here so hav fun reading and getting to know me woof! ૮⍝• ᴥ •⍝ა

Introduction💛:

Name: Pup! or Puppy! or mutt! or whatever you wanna call me woof! ૮ ˶´ ᵕˋ ˶ა

Pronouns: He/It only!!!!! no they/them!! no fem pronouns!!!

Age: 20+ ! yey!

Sexuality: uhhhm this one's a weird one, definitely aro, sexuality wise i dunno rly!! as long as u can fuck me, w a strap or w ur own thing then im down! woof! probably leaning more towards mlm tho but once again, whatever works!

Bottom only! maybeeee switch but Im still figuring that one out so for now sub only too ૮u ﻌ u ა

Pre-t sadge but we keep barking wauf

also im a furry but i suck and havent made a fursona yet but whatev!!! still a furry wauf wauf

Stuffs I like ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა♡ (to be updated? I forget many things all da time sowy):

petplay/puppyplay ofc, collars/leashes, being tied up, somno, cnc, dubcon, knives, marking, tentacles, piss, hypno, breeding, age gaps, age play, corruption, edging, basically full control over me i like that yeppers, degrading, humiliation, praise, plushie humping!, being cut And cutting others!!! if im obsessed w u i wanna cut u up all cute!!!, gags, overstim, size diff.., cockwarming.., stalking! monsterfucking:>, fauxcest + theres pwobably more i forgor, feel free to ask me!!

Stuffs I don't like ૮ – ﻌ–ა :

foodplay/feederism is big yucky for me, degrading if its directed at my body is big no am insecure TwT, scat yucky, any form of forced fem or detrans/misgendering thing is a no.. if i wanna wear a skirt and be cute i will but dont call me girly names!!!!!, pregnancy yucky...

uhmm honestly theres not many things I wouldnt at least try once so yeah once again be normal and ask if ya arent sure!!!!! ill more than likely answer nodders :3

DNI: general dni yakno the drill, sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, zionist, maga dumb fucks gtfo!!, under 18/ageless blogs pls leave! (as long as u state youre over 18 somewhere its okie, no need to be specific just pls dont be a child!!!!!), antis, ppl who cant differentiate fiction/fantasy from reality! hetero men!sorry but am not a girl so i dont want u interacting if u view me as one!!!

thats about it for dni! if you dont like smth on my blog feel free to leave wauf! if you think im morally bad bcoz of da stuffs i like thats ur opinion but i dont care so dont tell me! just leave ^-^

wauf im super-duper bad at introductions so am not even rly sure what else to add >~< iguessss general just stuffs about me? i like video games altho most of da games i like i never played coz ive never had a laptop or pc for them, am still just using my roomie's stuff TwT, i draw sometimes which is very epic very cool wauf! also i bark a lot in text and type weirdge sorry!!! alsoalso i luv horror stuffs and scary stuff!!! horror games r superduper my favourite but i do scare easily but that doesnt matter!!! i also like cute stuff like sanrio stuffs and plushies and cute clothes and sharkies!!!! ya ya! I call myself emo so thats what i am i guess!!

also for rulez and stuff on what u can send as asks!!!! well i dunno! whatever ya want! be horny or just talk to me about whatever wauf!! beware if u make me flustered and horny enough times i might become obsessed w u and I'll wanna stalk u and cut u so !!! beware of weirdo puppy here!!

alsoalso im pretty shy at first, and uh in general honestly, and pretty bad at this whole human interaction stuff (im a puppy !!! how would i kno how to talk to you humans >~<) if we arent mutuals u cant dm me sowy!

I wont giv you my discord or any other social media right away!! im too paranoid and shy for that sorta stuff so i gotta proper trust u! or u gotta catch me be real desperate but we will see iguess! also wont send u nudes! i never even taken any so no chance youd get one!

my shyness also comes from da fact im very inexperienced in everything ever so like...yeah...cbfnhfdnbfndbg IDK!!!! WHATEVR!!! IM BAD AT TALKIN ABOUT THIS STUFF!!! WHATEVR!!! teach me mayb 👉👈

alsoalso im!..okay i cry Very easily if i start getting embarrassed i start tearing up and the more u tease me about it the more I'll cry.. i can't help it and i can't control it i jus cry rly easily (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

very veryvery autistically obsessed w my soulmate!!! coz yes i do hav one!!! this blog is for funsies and to be horny w other horny folks but at da end of da day most of my brain and thoughts r occupied by one person only wauf!! once again am aro and shes aro too so what we hav is special!!! more than romantic nd more than platonic iss secret third thing which is primal obsession w one another!!! theyre my owner and i am theirz das how it workz!!! I feel like i should mention dis jus in case anyone tries for anythin long term over here! sorry not gonn happen! wauf💛 ehhmmvnv probably shouldve mentioned dis sooner but am bad at realisin non aro folk might try for things nd also wasn sure how she'd feel about it nd i kept forgettin to ask but whatev now u know!! will be usin #catto posts for posts that remind me of him or posts i make about her wauf!

Okie thats all!!! i think!! im tryna figure out how im gonna tag stuff so for now #pupper rambles for my text posts, #pupper pics for pics of me :3c, #pupper answers for answered asks!

Send asks!! talk to me pwease!!! giv me attention!! woof!!

-Pup ♡ ૮₍˶Ó﹏Ò ˶₎ა

[rab1darachn1d]

INTRO💥💥💥

Name: Ozzie/Sunday/Kafka + anyname from my url

Pronouns: he/they pref but idrc

Agender, bi, aroace spectrum

TVhead robotkin and spiderkin💥💥💥

Special interests are spiders(specifically tarantulas) and psychology

Dyslexic!!! Sorry for spelling mistakes/reading stuff wrong and please don't use super small or hard to read fonts when talking directly to me!!! Typing quirks are fine but if you can control them or add translations thats greatly appreciated

MINOR!!! idc if ur over 18 and interact or if we are mutuals but dont be weird please I will just block you

WE STAND WITH PALESTINE🇵🇸🍉

(@remindertoclick <- DO YOUR DAILY CLICKS OR I'LL THROW ROCKS AT YOU)

@mechcanicalmadness MY BESTESTFRIEND AND COOLEST DAD EVER ALSO GUY WHO MADE THE FIRST 2 ARTS BELOW 💥💥💥

@absolutelymadoka IS MY MAGICAL GIRL DAUGHTER !!!! THEY ARE THE SILLIEST AND NICEST EVER BE NICE TO THEM

I help with the @bungostraycreatures gimick blog acc go look at it its run by my bestest friend :3

@sundazeing is my icons/npt/moodboard blog!!! Requests are always open, read the rules and dni if u you have anything you want me to make B)

@queenofthecafe is my Lucy bsd rp blog >::)

(user box made by @/absolutelymadoka)

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

WARNINGS /BFYI / FOR MOOTS*****

-I type in caps a lot

-Im not very good a tw tagging things tho I try my best !!! If you get triggered by anything I post/rb lmk and I'll tag it

-I swear a lot !!! Like way too much !!! I do not give a damn abt slurs AS LONG AS YOU CAN CLAIM THEM !!! IF I FIND OUT YOU USE SLURS YOU CANNOT CLAIM I'LL CALL YOU A BIGOT AND BLOCK YOU

-Anything suggestive is a joke and do NOT make jokes like that to me if we are not friends I will call you a freak

-I like to give people nicknames/ shorten people's names(mainly if ppl have a long ass name/url and it fucks me up tryna type it) but if that bothers you lmk

-Not good with tone so I use tone tags, you aren't forced to use them but if you'd like it'd make communication easier

-I have a bad habit of randomly disappearing for a few days for whatever reason, so if I accidentally ignore you sorry, please don't take it personal

-If you are a shithead to my mutuals I will be a shithead towards you <3 also blocked <3

-DMS ARE OPEN !!! FEEL FREE TO TALKS/RANT/VENT ABT WHATEVER !!! however I'm not very good at socializing and if I seem rude, standoffish or awkward I'm so sorry💀💀💀

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

SYSTEM THINGS*****

-i am the host and this is my acc though they post shit on here too

-their posts will be tagged with ***postinghours(sakepostinghours for an example)

-I love answering questions!!! However I am not a medical professional and I cannot diagnose you or speak for other systems!!!

-^ Don't ask abt triggers, alter roles or trauma I will ignore you or call you a dumbass nosey weirdo

-fictive heavy(dont be weird about them or theyll block you and idk probably call you a freak)

-^ don't bring up source trauma unless they make jokes about it first OR if they are friends with you

-^ First to treat any of them like a fictional character gets their limbs ripped off<33

-if ur another fictive theyd like to say hi but dont be weird and understand they might see you differently then how you remember them

-if you say "Can *** stop fronting/can you switch with ***" I will throw rocks at you and you will get blocked

-^ if u wanna talk to someone or have a message for someone we are happy to tell them

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

DNI*****

-basic dni(homo+transphobe, racists)

-"radqueers" and "transids"

-Proshippers and zoophiles(YALL R FUCKING NASTY GO AWAY)

-"radfems" and "terfs" (fuck you go away)

-Pro Israel mfs

-Endos/Tulpas/Willows/Mixed Origin, we will not participate in any syscourse but yall make me uncomfy

-^supporters of those

-"*** personality disorders are absuive" go away die go shoo get OUT(ily people with personality disorders)

-people who are against others with "scary" disorders fuck off you aren't helpful

-pro ed/"thinspo" mfs... wth are yall doing

-NSFW ONLY blogs (nothing against yall but im a minor)

-people who are shitty towards therians, otherkins, xenogenders, etc

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

FANDOMS + FAVORITE CHARACTERS*****

Bungo Stray Dogs(Dazai, Verlaine, Fyodor and Lucy) is my main fandom and hyperfixation BUT here are some other fandoms of mine I still like

☆ = I still actively look at/take part in

♡ = not as active but I will scream abt if given the opportunity

♤ = I like it but I'm not updated with the fandom

favorite characters r not in order

-Jujusitu Kaisen(Gojo , Megumi , Itadori and Sukuna)☆

-Deadplate(Vincent) ♡

-Genshin Impact(Baizhu, Xiao, Diluc, Childe and Dottore) ☆♡

-Honkai: StarRail(Boothill, Sunday, Clara, Sparkle, Natasha and Aventurine) ☆

-Hollow Knight(Grimm and Quirrel) ♡

-Pokemon(EMMET AND INGO💥💥💥)(Also Galvantula, Reshiram, Gallipede and Eternatus) ♡

-Madness Combat(Deimos and 2BDAMNED) ♤

-Guilty Gear(Robo-Ky, Zato, Chipp, Ky and Happy Chaos) ♤

-Wuthering Waves(Scar and Lingyang) ♤

-Cookie Run(Espresso Cookie, Red Velvet Cookie and Rougefort Cookie) ♡

-RWBY(Qrow, Phyrra, Blake and Emmerald) ♡

-Project Sekai(Rui and Shizuku)♤

-Castle Crashers(Blacksmith)♤

-No Straight Roads(Neon J)♤

-The Property of Hate(RGB)♡♤

-Stardew Valley(Sebastian, Sam and Hailey)♤

-Omori(Captain Space Boyfriend, Hero and Kel)♡♤

-Howl's Moving Castle(Howl, Calcifer and Markl)♡

-Ponyo(Fujimoto)♡♤

-Punishment Gray Raven(Wanshi)♤

-Danganrompa(Kokichi , Keebo , Gonta , Nagito , Miu and Celestia)♤

theres others but those r irrelevant we dont talk abt the dark ages

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

MAC HI don't mind me i just finished the genloss founders cut and im putting my ful lreview in ur inbox bc u said u weren't gonna watch it i think but i want 2 share my thoughts with someone who will not rip me to shreds for criticizing it even slightly <3

OK. I'M NOT GONNA LIE. IT KINDA SLAPPED. maybe i just think it was really good in comparison to the original four hours of streams that dragged on. i honestly thought the original streams of genloss were longer but NO all three streams add up to about four hours???? it just felt so much longer when i originally watched it i guess!!! u can understand why i am sure. but the founders cut was like two and a half and oh my goddddd cutting out a lot of it made such a huge difference. holy shit. like i definitely did get bored and skip through a little bit but honestly i didn't skip through much!! every time i got to a part where i was like "oh fuck not THIS bit that goes on for 30-45 minutes god dammit" it ended up being like maybe ten minutes at most which was SUCH A GODSEND. i am delighted to report that they cut the half hour cooking bit in the first episode down to like 7-8 minutes <3 the best surprise ranboo could have given me tbh. like with the way things were cut down and framed differently i actually laughed at a couple points????? WILD. did not think i would find any genuine comedy here. lowkey there were points that were funny. insane

honestly with the unfunny bits being cut down, it actually let the slightly more serious lore bits shine more, and the payoff for when it got to the third episode felt SO much more deserved. like. the original streams i'd probably give a 3/10 collectively and that's being generous but i would unironically say the founder's cut deserves like a 7/10. maybe a 7.5 if i found it in myself to ignore the bad special effects. (there was still plenty of bad comedy ngl i still don't know why charlie slimecicle's face was superimposed on a towel. that scene was nothing. it was literally nothing. they could have removed it and it would change nothing but they kept it in idk why)

ANYWAY. if they had released genloss like this first maybe i would unironically be a fan of it now. tbh. i would still be making fun of the bad comedy and the horror that was barely horror but i think i would actually be like participating in the fandom a lil and i would probably find it in me to find some charm in the bad special effects. all in all Not Bad!! not good, but not like actively bad. ofc im still running on the adrenaline of the ending because episode 3 was objectively the best out of them all so maybe my perception is skewed but. kinda decent. 7/10 👍 anyway i hope ur havin a good day i hope to finish pd season one soon over the next couple days!!!!!

taking the cowards route and putting my thoughts under the cut bc a lot of my mutuals these days really enjoy genloss and i don't want them to be mad at me

(genloss crit/neg/whatever under the cut)

dude this makes me so unironically sad . why the FUCK was genloss what it was the first time around when this was obviously the better route to go from the very beginning. I am still staunchly in my "I don't like genloss" position but. I DID WATCH IT. i sat through ALL of the original streams and it was so miserable for me. im not going 2 watxh the directors cut or whatever bc i dont hate myself enough to sit through all of that again but i trust your opinion!! if only it would've been planned out thought out prerecorded videos from the start I also probably would not hate it as much as I do!!! maybe I even would've liked it !!! (<< not likely bc i do have Other Issues with it than just the fact that it was too long too unfunny too unfocused etc whatever im getting into hater territory sorry. always welcome 2 genloss fans to try to explain to my why its Good Actually so i can recommend them actual horror media)

like . the streams added absolutely NOTHING to it other than that final choice scene or whatever. and even if they wanted to do that still u know what would've been an awesome smart choice??? prerecord and edit the whole thing and then premiere THAT video on twitch- then when it comes time for the final choice you can still have people vote!! then you can have two separate endings prepared based on which way the vote was swaying. like. its that easy. it would've made the whole experience so much more enjoyable . ughhghghg the fucking wasted potential on HOURS of unfunny badly improvved bits is so devastating

personally I still cant excuse the bad effects considering the amount of times ranboo bragged about the genloss budget like. maybe you should've used your resources better and also if it would've just been prerecorded from the start things wouldn't look as rushed as they did but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what do I know !!

anyway I'm so glad this version was better but for me it will always ALWAYS be tainted by the . misery I felt while watching the streams lmaoooo . I wanted to like genloss so bad. I tried so hard. head in hands !!!!!!!!!!!

[wetthandss]

any mutuals wanna join my pathfinder 2nd edition game soon?

i already have one mutual who was interested and my best friend, so there's two and i want a minimum of 4.

would be voiced, possibly using roll20 (i hate it but i havent looked into better free VTTs) although only for maps everything else is on paper, all over discord in a group chat.

schedule would be irregular, finding times that were all available to play whenever we want to rather than trying to find the miracle of a consistent schedule between 5 people. would shoot for minimum 1 hour, maximum 3.

there will be darker themes and gore/body horror.

im willing to teach the game to newbies, i dont know it too well myself, ive only been running it for a little under two years.

im hoping 2 make new friends through this as well if u want ^w^

dm me n ill get back to u not everyone who messages will get in

Here's the pitch:

You've committed a great crime in your homeland. As punishment, you have been sent to the island of Hendir. Hendir used to be a place with great many people, and powerful civilizations. But eventually, something happened and the island was split in two. Its people and its history was lost. The island was rediscovered centuries later, along with its dangers. It was the perfect place for a Penal Colony. Penal Colony #4, or as its few inhabitants call it, Gwaelod, is placed on the shores of the centre of the island, a relatively small and relatively safe circle of land that somehow was spared from whatever split the rest. Criminals have a diverse set of skills, and a few people survive in Gwaelod, those who have lost hope in escape. You just got here, you haven't yet lost hope. You must somehow get off the isolated island in the middle of tempestuous sea.

im also gonna queue this post to reblog a few times over the next week or so so sorry if ur seeing this for the whateverth time, if you dont wanna see it anymore i have supplied a unique tag code that you can add to your blocklist to avoid this specific post. :3

[qulizalfos]

bestie I know what tsad and acswy are but what are the other fics in ur bio 👀

hiiiii elli <333 hehe im so glad i can share these because theyre all SO FUCKING GOOD when i say brainrot i mean my brain is decaying over these /pos i am ghrfjhgjfhjnfsnhjfvbdbhfvbdhv

(and i am laughing very much rn because one of them is yours lol!)

oki so excluding the amazing tsad by @willelmikes and acswy by @campbyler both of which i could rant about for ages <3333 we have:

yaptm: your apparition passes through me by arian @callmetheidiot(hope you dont mind me tagging you<3) i am on chapter 3 also WHAHHTGRJRSFGHJNSDFGVHNJSDFGV okay okay im so normal sooo normal i am a Normal person 👍 jk AAAAAAAAAA im so invested in the plot, and the writing itself is so so masterful and the mystery elements of it are SO compelling arian i am obsessed with you and ur writing hope this helps!!!!!!! <333333

iwaftwth: is it was a flood that wrecked this Home by you <33 which btw i am literally thinking about always btw!!!!!!!! you have such an understanding of the characters its insane ITS THEM and such a good take on post vecna also FJNHESJVNHJNFSDNJFSNJVFSJNHVFS its just so heartwreching and beautifulllll and youre a really good writer!!!!!!! also i am yelling so loud over the i thought we were a team i thought i was ur best friend line :) in your walls even MWAH

ikte: is the i know the end series by @bookinit02(again i hope u dont mind if i tag you here!) which i believe you are reading or have read(?) but god when i say i am invested i am SOOO ghnfnhjsvfnjhfvnhjfg i loved the rewrite it was so so cool and also very fun to see inside their heads :DD and the s5 fic is perfect in every way and i love how in character everyone is, youve captured the dynamics so well! basically uh HJFRJHNFERJNHFE DEAD DEAD DEAD KILLED GAHHH <3 ty!

all of these are so top tier :) of course there are so many that i have been meaning to add (looks at girl crush by @wayward-sherlock LOOKS AT GIRL CRUSH BY @wayward-sherlock The mutual pining/jealousy/angst/fluff all at the same time fic by the way hehehehe)

those are the ones i have so far!!! highly recommend :D thank you so much for the ask!!! this got rlly long lmao

[dexaroth]

tagged by @blyszczopies to answer questions and tag mutuals id like to get to know better :3 tag list is at the bottom!

⭐ Favorite color:

i honestly have had some 'color opinions' sloshing through my head for a while.. its complicated but you can rarely go wrong with these ones 👆 these are the ones I like the most! specially when combined together!

for favorites.. it depends a lot on how you use the colors and if they're alone or accompanied! some things look bad if they're just completely sky blue and such..

(putting this under a read more bc its a Very long post)

for the purposes of having an ultimate favorite color.. man i honestly don't know. it's a completely even match between purple and blue, though only the non-100% saturated shades of blue bc true blue is quite unbearable. I think the ultimate champion in questions of how many things can work with it would be blue. sometimes too much purple can be unbearable, but too much blue not so much

red Can be beautiful in many cases, but orange is simply superior between pure yellow and pure red. pure yellow specifically is literally unbearable for me. i hate it so much. for me to like a yellow it HAS to be going towards orange or its nothin'. lime green is super beautiful but pure green is also too much, and so is cyan. though the specific range of teal/green-blue can be nice, but it does not come close to lime green, instead it accents it quite nicely.

we don't talk about pink. or magenta. or any of its hideous nicknames. perish the thought!

⭐ Last song played: erm. well. you see, most of the music i have downloaded came from youtube. and quite a bit of them from compilations of songs all in one usually 30+ minute video..

the one currently playing is by Lauren Bousfield. i've tried searching for the - actually paragraph cancelled. i thought it was one of the comps by the pavor nocturnus1 channel but it turned out to be from some random other channel. i was having trouble identifying which song it was because it's a single audio file but it turns out the song currently in that queue to be playing is the song Cascading Retail Spaces!

i've had this album compilation downloaded since.. 2017! damn! and other albums of hers too. I don't know anything else about her though, but her music slaps :3

⭐ Currently reading: ah.. i dont read at all sorry 😭 does looking at the drawings from the morpho books series grant me any pity points perchance..

⭐Currently craving: WAFFLES!!!! GOD PLEASE!! and cookies..

^my cookie pile in project zomboid. can you tell?? (no waffles bc they're randomly found and not able to be baked like cookies..)

⭐Coffee or tea: neither soz.. i did try to enjoy coffee like 10 years ago but its just meh. tea as well, very boring. not counting the fact i have to load these suckers with sugar for them to even be worth drinking >.> but i suppose i'd choose tea over coffee simply due to variety and that some are naturally sweet :J

tagging: @moodycarcass @oxu @crazysodomite (maybe even u again timo if u wanna awnser my curious inquiries below.. muahaha)

additionally might i add my own questions... for funsies :33

favorite stone pattern:

favorite time of day:

favorite cloud pattern:

actually hm its quite hard to come up with somewhat potentially universal interesting questions. fuck. erm

FAVORITE ANIMAL!!! this question never disappoints. additionally favorite family of animals maybe?..

also from the makers of the best question ever above.. what's the silliest/weirdest animal off the top of your head?

last dumb mistake in a game?

last triumph in a game? (life cant all be losses afterall..!)

favorite clothing pattern?

worst + best texture(s) to feel?

and finally.. name one cool thing that happened this week. no matter how small. it is your duty now! commence!

actually i suppose it'd be weird to not awnser my own questions.. well here goes:

i like the one stone pattern that's a bunch of thin slabs slotted together. the ref image i have says its name is cliffstone/bluff stone! i also like the 'bavarian castle' one!

time of day: DUSK!!! MY LOVELY DUSK!!! though dawn is veeery nice as well. i used to be fonder of the night but dusk is just sooo niceys. dawn loses points for giving way to the boring middays though. but every time of day has its charm

cloud pattern; i actually dont know their names besides cummulonimbus..? lemme search..

according to this chart ive found on ddg. nimbus! i love gray skies and i love rain and i love fog. stratus and scuds are also nice

fav animal: erm.. got myself in my own question! i dont think i have a true favorite? i suppose ill go with jerboas.. as for the family. rodents of course. im the rodent mutual how could i not choose rodents! blasphemy!

silliest animal: off the top of my head? its a worm-like animal with a goofy face.. i thought it was legless lizards but that's not quite it.. i dont remember the name 😞

though there is a guy that's named worm lizard apparently.. oh such a foofy goofus

last dumb mistake in a game: most recently i was trying to go back to my base in a car in project zomboid and ran straight into a insane zombie crowd. the car got stuck in the grass bc it was loaded to the brim and i tried to move it backwards and let zombies approach me with the hope i'd run away from them on time, but it was not moving and then i panicked and stepped outside the car near a zombie with the sprint key enabled, bumped into the zombie, fell on the ground and by the time the get up animation started the zombie was already eating my guy. i was so mad

last triumph in a game: not much of a triumph but i got to fitness and stregth to lvl 6 in pz which are grindy time consuming skills to lup. but i have a base and crops and my coogieeees

favorite clothing pattern: i also dont know!! id say checkers that arent too busy or its derivatives. but also star/celestial patterns of course

^ from my fashion inspo folder

worst + best texture(s) to feel: i hate silk and those ones that are like a million little hairs that i dont know the name in english. best i suppose would be plush/cotton? i dont know their names either lol

and finally.. name one cool thing that happened this week: hmm. i suppose the nice sky i saw earlier today? though also one my af attacks has gotten a lot more notes than i expected. which is epic 💪🐁

[narcissusbrokenmirror]

Alex Mercer + catholic trauma really does something for me, i like reading fanfics abt it cuz it feels like home. shout out to all the projecting Alex writers out there.But i think its funny how inaccurate it is. not in a bad way ofc. But i have thoughts about 90's gay teen Alex. I need to get them out. But i think its funny how inaccurate it is. not in a bad way ofc. But i have thoughts about 90's gay teen Alex. I need to get them out.

I mean its the 90's, religion is not the only thing making people homophobic there, besides toxic masculinity being pretty much a thing, there was also the post aids moment, so despite the 90's not being the most homophobic era ever, gay people were like, a presence, on the social groups, especially on the art/acting/music scene. so, for me, it makes sense when Kenny Ortega says Alex was a proud character of his identity as a gay young man.

doesn't add up to me tho, being gay + proud + christian + in the 90's. like, you dont grow up proud of being queer if u spend your life hearing negative rhetoric about it. so i, personally, don't think Alex's family was religious.

Alex's family doesn't look religious and Alex doesn't seem into it, as well. Alex being confident, proud, relaxed and sarcastic brings me to think that he came from a very liberal family that was also homophobic. picture this with me.

the grunge/rock scene is full of people trying to make into a club that only people who look a certain way can be there, they're full of toxic masculinity behavior there. Alex's not like it, he knows better that rock is much more about expressing yourself through music and feeling with others, rather than how you look, you knows its bullshit. and im only mentioning this bc Alex doesn't dress like alt ppl usually do, he's always in this relaxed outfit, the same black sweatpants and different soft colored shirts and jackets, he doesn't put an effort to how he looks, he just wants to be comfortable. and not caring how you look as long as ur comfortable? rock behavior ig

Alex being confident and proud tells us about the background he came from. If his family considered him trustworthy and let Alex make his own choices without interfering even if they don't like it, certainly he did NOT came from a religious household.

Alex is a drummer, that shit expensive for you to just have a whole kit hanging around, so his parents probably got it for him, they supported his band and let him have his friends around, they were warm and loving, helping into building Alex's sense of self worth, which is very nice.

so we don't have anything concrete abt Alex's past relationships, but i guess he first came out to his band and then his parents, Luke says Alex never had a boyfriend, but Alex being so certain that he was having a mutual connection with Willie would feel weird if it was the first time Alex flirted with a guy. nah. He probably did met other gay boys on clubs and concerts, flirted, made out once or twice, maybe even gone on dates, you know, teenager things.

the shit happened when he came out to his parents and they gave him the cold shoulder and silence treatment. because they had reasons to not want their son to be gay. Gay people were seen as dirty, sick, perverted, pedophiles, promiscuous and also a target for violence. As a parent, they wouldn't want his son that they loved and supported so much to be associated with such a marginalized group. But it's their son, after all, they couldn't throw him away. So they didn't locked Alex away from his friends, wasn't thrown out of his house, wasn't forced to get that "fixed up". Because Alex was their son, but they didn't want that part of him there, they didn't wanted to know about it.

Alex having his friends over would always click a question on his parents' mind for what if they aren't just friends, what can they be doing together when they're not looking (bc you know, gay people dont have feelings or connections, its all about the sex), what else could Alex's dad think when he sees Luke sneaking out of Alex's room wearing his shirt? and the problem is centered around it happening near to them, whatever Alex does outside their roof is his business, but his homosexuality is not welcome on the Mercer's house. Although, they didn't felt comfortable around Alex anyway, bc inside their heads, they knew that he couldn't keep his homosexuality off when they were together. they couldn't process that their son would be a homosexual, they couldn't love that, they could love their son, but not that.

Alex probably knew that, probably thought that it would eventually stop and they would be normal, warm and loving again, that they would support him again, probably because he didn't had his parents' love hold against some condition, as if he had to earn it. (As it is pretty common in religious households) It doesn't mean he wouldn't get hurt from it, he did and it was a lot, the lack of love, attention and support that he got from his came out, after a life of being given proper dosis of love and being allowed to be who he was. By the way Alex deals with changes, that shit was probably getting to his head.

Alex knew he deserved better than being treated like that, he knew he deserved his family to love him bc they always did and that they shouldn't define him by one element that would always be a part of him, he knew he deserved it to be a part of his life, deserved to bring a nice guy he met home to meet his parents instead of sneaking them in and out like he had to live it secretly. He didn't wanted that, it wasn't fair to him. He shouldn't have to feel ashamed enough to hide it from his dad bc his dad shouldn't want him to be ashamed of himself.

Alex was decided to stop caring about his parents thought of him, even if it meant them not being a part of his life, not that he wanted it this way, bc he didn't. But if they could change once, they could change again.

[z37q]

you dont have to answer this ofc but if youre comfortable with it i'm intrigued by what the story behind your worst mutual killing themselves over you could be

oh sorry just saw this!! i dont get notifs for my reblog blog. suicide tw stalking tw grief tw lmk if theres anything else to add lol

uhhh we became friends after bonding about gender and trauma and binaries and colonialism and alienation and then i made a few too many condemnations of men and then a switch flipped and they began to interpolate targeted prejudice against them into my quasi-poetic vague posts and punched a hole in their wall at some point and sent me every post i made telling me how its about them followed by 5-10 other vitriol-laden accusations and then started doing it across other platforms such as facebook and instagram and twitter and impersonated their gf (an ex-mutual) on her account to tell me im a nefarious little traitor and then they started sending me multiple suicide notes a day on anon and then they disappeared and then i learned they were in the psych ward and then i learned they were discharged and doing ok and then i learned they took A Pill and stopped breathing forever!thx for the ask anon i hope u see this :)

[wttcsms]

Amber, I'm back to yell at you!!!! I'm literally dying over Most Noble what?! Its sooo good, i literally took a deep breath while my eyes watered cause of that ending! Oh to be in love with Sir Nanami 😍 He really is too much, the way he wants the mc so much, it gives off enemy to lovers vibes, with a lot of slow burn! Its so good the way I gasped when i read it on AO3 cause it said chapters 1/1 😭 No, its too good, YOU'RE the reason i even love Nanami so I refuse to believe thats it for them. But also thank you for that, it was such a good read the pining got me right in the feels i had to take a moment for myself to calm down. Please don't say its over 😭

Moving on lols, the way I read Balancing Act this morning! I wanted to scream, and I'm in no way a morning person but that one woke me up! Gojo being so self assured, I love that for him. The way you wrote the whole crew working for Gojo and Getou! Nanami saying that Getou is just like Gojo but would give himself 6 months instead KILLED ME!!!! Also just Nanami, and his whole work is shit rang through my head when you said he left then came back 😭 Just the way you wrote them all is soo good, the interaction between Gojo and Mc oooomph absolute genius! Utahime and Gojo friendship! Personally that little bit got me hook line and sinker cause i dont ship them 🫠 Finally that flashback of them as teenagers in high school!!! Yes queen him falling in love and not realizing it but also i loved that the mc ruined what i assumed would be his year of just fucking around! Its god tier I know im going to add this to my list of comfort fics!!!

hi hi, i was waiting til when i was less busy so that way i could give this lovely msg a proper response!!! as always, i love love love hearing ur thoughts and seeing u in my notifs makes me so happy, like kicking my feet and giggling happy because ur such an amazing reader and i love hearing ur thoughts on my work.

first of all, even w/out me, u would have fallen for nanami bc that's just the type of man he is. most noble was so fun to write purely bc i didn't have a set plot line in place, i just let the word vomit spew all over my docs and clicked post on tumblr. that being saidddddd, i am always open to revisiting our princess and sir nanami bc the fun part in writing mutual pining is the eventual getting together. like all fairytales, they are so gonna have a happy ending <3

im so happy you've read balancing act because for me, it's such a fun project and a way for me to not so subtly vent out any pent up feelings i had towards my experience in working in banking in nyc BAHAHAHA. i think workplace dynamics are so fun to write as well & i really wanted to incorporate just how blurry boundaries are within the field but also how close knit they truly are because most of the time, you see your coworkers more than your family and your significant other and it's hard not to become friends or something more (it's either that, or u all hate each other's guts LOL). geto and gojo would not be besties if they weren't both absolute menaces, i stand by that. utahime + gojo are lowkey MY dramione HAHA, and so i always like to write them in some type of relationship, whether that be platonic or romantic. they def squabble like siblings in this fic + it's going to be so much fun writing them in a diff light than i normally do (what's up for debate is whether or not i hint towards nanami x utahime :O) nanami found out that working in academia is JUST AS TOXIC as industry, so he's back bc, hey, at least he gets paid hella money, but we'll explore more nanami lore in balancing act once i decide on his exact role in the fic muahahaha.

thank you for always reaching out with your thoughts on my writing and just to chat in general, it means the world to me <3

[mysicklove]

this is like super random but do you have any advice for starting a thirst / x reader blog like yours? i've always wanted to give it a shot but it seems like SUPER intimidating because i have no idea how to set things up or even start

hmmm idk if im a good person to give advice but lol whatever i will!!

for the basics, i would recommened starting with a masterlist and rules, and you can build on other navigation stuff after that. a pinned post usually draws ppl in, bc its easy to navigate your blog!! and then just find a theme. i did a toga in the beginning and now a hanako theme, bc they are one of my fav characters, but u know there are tonnnnsssssss of themes and u can do whatever u want to! have fun with it 🥳

^ let me know if u need help figuring out how to link things, add colored/special fonts, banners, dividers, ect. i had to figure out through trial and error and that sucked LOL

in the beginning, dont expect to get many notes. if you go into it thinking about notes, you are going to get dissapointed lowkey. just relax, its not that deep, and eventually ppl will find your account with time. dont rush it!! but like i said, dont prioritize notes. i still am struggling with it, and so r other writers. it doesnt define ur writing at all. i had a one sentence post get like 3k notes, and then a 14k fic get like 400. literally notes dont mean shit, tumblr is weird.

also another thing. dont expect to get anons. or at least alot of them. in the beginning i had like no anons and i was lowkey kinda sad about it. but im telling u, as ur blog gets bigger u will get some. its nice to have anons in the beginning, but kinda unlikely. if smaller blogs r seeing this with tons of anons, good for you!! just idk didnt happen to me lol.

moral of those 2 paragraphs: i just dont want u to ever feel bad about notes and interactions. u may see other blogs get tons, but they have been established for alot longer than u. so do not stress about it plssssss. ive seen too many blogs make themselves feel bad because of notes and anons. and including myself, i would get unreasonably sad over something so fucking stupid.

big one: write for urself, not for others !!!!!!! once kinktober is over im bout to write an ungodly amount of hybrid and a/b/o shit, which alot of ppl dont like, but fuck it LOL.

last tip (ig?) walk into ur blog like its ur own space. dont be intimidated. i shit post and say embarrassing ass shit all the time to almost 2.5k people. its ur space, say what u want. i think thats really important. if u do make the blog, have FUN WITH IT !!! dont care what others think, make it ur safe space.

and be my mutual!! i will reblog ur stuff!!

[volskayadottxt]

quick emotional garbo abt ow2 in 2022

theres a lot to be (constructively) criticized abt ow2's current state (progression, monetization, matchmaking) but by god is it good to feel like the game (franchise too maybe) has a future again.

i love this game a lot. a stupid amount, even. its given me so many things and brought me so much joy. so to see team 4 manifest a small miracle and get something out makes me happy.

the games gonna be ow1.5 for me until pve comes out (i mean thats where the 2 comes from anyways like pvp was never the sequel) but that doesnt mean i havent had a blast playing it. i was really fuckin worried abt 5v5 and (crazily) its rly good.

but the thing thats made me happiest is new players discovering ow. sure, theres nothing groundbreaking for me (an oldie) to discover. again, waiting on pve so i can chew on it like a squeaky toy. yet the joy i feel seeing ppl falling in love w the cast in the same way i did in 2016 is unmatched. like, my heart soars seeing new blood get excited over the lore and wider universe.

since like, 2019, truly new ppl in the fandom were rare. if u met someone u didnt recognize, chances are u were friends w one of their mutuals. u could see the community shrinking in real time and it was the most depressing fandom experience ive ever had. but holy shit, not anymore!

and yes, there will always be a small part of me thats miffed over mauga getting shafted again (i love u rama but u know its true), zen getting a backstory igniting a wave of interest in the story is just <3.

i dont think all of ow2s issues are gonna be addressed overnight. ppl very conveniently forget apex fell off hard after its first season due to shitty progression. over time (but not all at once) small fixes will start to add up. and hopefully theyve learned from poor monetization stealing all the thunder from wotb.

but man im just happy. im happy new ppl are joining the fandom (deffo not on this site tho lol), im happy ppl are excited abt ow again, i love how communicative the devs are w us now, i cant fuckin wait for pve. just give us support mauga and 2023 will be perfect.

[chi1d0fcain]

As someone who have literally witnessed this, your feelings are beyond valid. I love u so much. Preacher’s daughter and everything you have ever made mean so much to me and they are literal masterpieces. Honestly, i mostly like the jokes in hopes of them reaching a bigger audience simply because i love u and i h8 how rare it is to find ethel stans in real life who know the lore and obsesses over it as much as me. And sometimes one reel could be the spark that starts all that. Giving u more streams and hopefully more money to fund more projects and hopefully physicals because i NEED IT. Is that selfish? Probably. Does it come with negatives? Absolutely. Is it worth it? As a barb first and foremost I think it totally is. Nicki is such a perfect example. Because she decides how seriously to take us. And treats the fans as literal children when they go crazy yet we always feel like we can joke with her and always appreciate her genius work all together. I feel like it’s something that all public figures have to deal with once famous enough and cannot be avoided.

I can never understand how you personally feel about this from your pov, and all the comments u receive but i find its very important and healthy for u to just simply filter these unserious people out whenever youre not in the mood and like. Log off. Or move to a different platform like nicki with queen radio which was literally the point of these radio shows that have now become as simple as ig lives. Not everybody has the energy to keep up with those esp if theyre boring in the beginning or maybe just stick more to tumbler or alt accounts whenever u want to discuss your art and those who care WILL be there to give u every ounce of support. But honestly these jokes are just another way of showing support and love. To these people and meme pages this is charity and their way of helping u gain more global attention and success which we all believe you deserve because of the greatness of your art. Whether u agree or disagree. I really appreciate the new album title and hope it shoos away the unserious children. But it is what it is. While we who care about u most will take these rants very seriously, those same people you complained about wont even read it. So yeah. Try these things. When u see something blown out of context yell at us in a simple story. When u wanna get serious, simple address the fans seriously just like a parent does. This way u ensure control over the fandom and maintain mutual respect and support! Those of us who love u wont go no matter how much u cuss us out. So let your emotions out. And we will always try to make fame a more pleasant experience. But as we all know its a curse. That also comes with benefits. Not saying this just as a barb, but everybody envies the relationship we have with nicki. She was literally in the middle of the street with fans surrounding her and she was doing a better job than crowd control + cops. And i know you are as great and as capable of such things despite how difficult it may seem. Keep reminding yourself that you have all the power over us. You can punish us with delays reward us with surprises etc. this is literally what nicki does. Like actual. Kids. And when u do that, us real fans feel entitled to play the big sister role, and we start individually making sure the childish people who don’t appreciate your art stay in their place. I hope u get my point. I love u so much. I wish i could elaborate more but i fear i already wrote too much and i really want u to read it so i dont want it to be overwhelming even tho its very messy and all over the place and i suck at explaining myself i really hope you see where im cominh from as i can literally go on about this for hours. Really wish i could help more. U got this tho! Love u to the moon and back.

Sincerely, a fellow child of cain.

P.s. even after all this i WILL add that i STILL would d13 to get my hands on your entire discography even unreleased pressed on vinyl. Not because im not taking u seriously, but because this is sooo important to me and we feel like the more we ask the more demand the higher the chance of getting what we want! Again, if this bothers you, you MUST go the parent route. Address the subject. Say that youre working on it. Or not interested in it right now. Show us that you hear every single one of us and simply respond accordingly instead of bottling it up and let it get to u. I promise if u address the issue once twice and thrice u will feel it go away. I know that it can be overwhelming as im neurodivergent myself, but its the most effective way to tackle this and to make this a better experience for u. After all you are the head of the snake and u have all the power. Do not. Forget it. Most of us real fans would bend to your will so fast. U simply need to own it and believe that you deserve it. Which you absolutely do. Speaking from nothing but experience as a barb for more than 10 years, and someone who had a fanpage was friends with big fan pages and knew the owners personally and a recovering chronically online member of many fandoms. Trying to drastically limit my online time but id do anything to even attempt make u happier and try to be of help

Hello very much :)

I thought about making a video on this topic but I decided to just write it out in a post instead. Either way, I'd like to speak a bit more specifically about a drunk rant I made on a separate account the other day that was not as well put together as I'd like to stand as my viewpoints on the subject.

tl:dr, I just feel as though there's a lack of sincerity in the world these days. I speak from personal experience as an artist putting things out into the world, yes, but also as a human being interacting with other human beings on the regular, and I have had my sentiments echoed by many other friends of mine over the past year or so, both artists and non-artists alike. Most of this will be framed through the consumption of art, because that's my own personal passion in this life of mine, but also the way we interface with each other and process the world around us. Now, don't get me wrong, I love to laugh. I love a good joke, and I love lightheartedness as much as the next person. But I saw someone this morning put it very succinctly in response to my rant, something along the lines of "don't let the joke about it overtake the source material." It feels as though it's a common occurrence these days to take a pinch of something with a lot more weight to it, often a humorous bit, and then run with it. Everyone then gathers around the pinch to ooh and ahh and consume it as a whole. Context is immediately lost, the legacy of that body of work becomes its own caricature, and anyone discovering that body of work via said caricature may forgo a piece of art they would otherwise love because "there's nothing there". And don't think this is me griping at those making jokes at the expense of my art. I make jokes about my own art. But when the joke dies, yet continues to grow, and spread, and finds its way back to me both on the internet and off for months (or, God forbid, years) to come, I can't help but say to myself; what the fuck is happening. Artists have fled the public and all their outlets for personality and expression outside the medium because they feel ridiculed. It's not even just their art. Katya comes to mind, speaking on how she went on youtube live a few years back in literal tears talking about police brutality and the injustices marginalized communities were facing at the hands of the government. Meanwhile, the entire comment section "yass" and "mother"ed her in barrages, not paying attention to anything she had to say. I get asked about when I'm dropping Preacher's Daughter vinyl en masse in response to my Palestine fundraiser links. It's everywhere and it's inescapable. No one can be serious for even two seconds.

This may all sound obnoxious; so be it. I tie strings from this central problem to many other complaints I have heard repeated ad nauseam the past few years. For example; the death of subculture. Goth, punk, whatever, you name it. People who built an underground counterculture movement with a rich history based on a love of art, community, and otherwise misunderstood worldviews and experiences deemed foul or inappropriate. Now we see bits taken from it, the terms and the looks, without any of the meat, spread thin across society as a whole. Words mean nothing anymore. One can rest on history and say they were a part of it when in fact, they did nothing. No appreciation or understanding to be had for the love and passion that built it. No serious interaction with the culture's very real confines and boundaries, just mindless co-opting. This has just as much to do with late stage capitalism as it does with excessive humor in lieu of sincerity, but it's certainly both. Again, this may sound like a silly complaint, but I don't care. The collective ennui we're all experiencing has a very real reason, whether we're ready to acknowledge or not.

In a twisted thread, it's even tied to our lack of care to change the world around us. People cheer on the idea of communism, but who among us is ready to give up the convenience of society as it stands? Amazon prime, doordash, fresh fruit out of season as I saw someone mention in a similar post last week; the marvels of modern technology. Do we really think these things can last in a society that isn't actively destroying the planet? We talk about the idea of something all day long but have very little to do with the actuality of what we're talking about. And don't think I consider myself exempt from this problem. I couldn't even try to claim to be. It seems nearly silly to be complaining, then, about the way people consume the art around them these days as we creep towards what feels like the end of days. But as long as I still draw breath, I must complain.

I miss genuine passion. As an autistic individual, when I'm alone, sometimes I cannot contain myself with how things make me feel. The music I listen to, the video games I play, the books I read. I almost feel the need to run through the house and scream in everyone's face how I'm feeling. It feels good to love intensely. Now, I won't pretend like autistic people haven't been bullied for this since the dawn of time, but there is surely a noticeable lack of passion in everything these days. Everyone can feel it, everyone is talking about it. Everything now is "cringe", or "doing too much", or "not that serious". Actually, it is that serious. Insecurity in one's own deeper feelings may not be a new thing, but a culture that seems to promote this eschewing of them does seem to be a new evil. The tone of the internet has completely shifted. I spent most of my time here when I first discovered it a little over a decade ago on Zelda forums and other chat-based websites, talking about how much I loved whatever fandom I was in at the time and having genuine and memorable interactions with like-minded individuals who felt the same way I do. Now, you have two options; if you hate media, you rip it to shreds, and if you love it, you word-salad it to death and parrot a joke about it that someone else said. I'm not saying people don't still talk seriously in a heartfelt way about the things they love, but it does not seem to be the initial reaction anymore. Do I have a solution to this problem? Of course not. I'm a 26 year old girl posting on a tumblr blog. If I had a solution, this is not where I would be dropping it. But conversation is God to man, and I believe in the ability to change things from the inside out. We make the rules, and we can change them.

Before I go, I'd like to just clarify that I am very grateful for my career, grateful to anyone who has ever given me and my art the time of day, grateful to anyone who has ever come up to me and connected with me over my work, and grateful for a life where someone making too many jokes is the worst part of my day. I do not think I am better nor smarter than anyone on or off the internet. I am simply a girl with big feelings and I enjoy talking about them with other people with big feelings, and it makes me sad when something avoidable or unnecessary gets in the way of that.

All in all, I love to love, and I love all of you, I love my life, I love this record, and mi amore vo- i mean.... oh, whatever.

(Feel free to sound off in the comments and please be nice to each other)

[ddeongies]

i need to lock in so i can try and do a thinkpiece for chapter 12 but that will maybe have to come later(slash never...) bc we are in the same boat and my brain is mushhhh right now so this might also be incoherent but HELLO HI i saw and read ur update so quickly i think something activated in me like nmau sleeper agent. this chapter was so cute 🥹🥹🥹 i love them sm...to my earlier ask YESSS TRUST AND CONSENT IS SO SEXYYYY ESPECIALLY WHEN CHARACTERS RESPECT WHEN SOMEONE'S SAYING NO and it's so good to see that from both sides too, i kind of said everything i have to say abt it in that other ask but really it's just so lovely how comfortable they are with each other despite the still lingering uncertainty about the nature of their relationship AUGH.

i love ryujins inner monologue all the time but just seeing how yeji seeps into her thoughts more and more over time and seeing her just bask in this overwhelming presence and her blossoming feelings like shes down BADDDDD, just this headfirst tumble from plain attraction into (almost) love i love themmmm.

ik we love seeing sexy top yeji but her cutie side is JUST AS IMPORTANT!!! soft pouty yeji im so...shes so...and her unfaltering desire to do whatever she thinks will make ryujin happy like even though she had already said it was fine they weren't hooking up, still offering just omg chill. i love her. sometimes she needs to think about herself first though. but thats just adding back on to my earlier point like ryujin is there and counter balances where yeji's mind might go and reassures her that yes she does actually like yeji as a friend before anything else.

i love the level of intimacy they've reached in this chapter...playing with fingers while cuddling always gets me like . we are seeing each otherrrr its so important. and the soft kisses without leading into anything else like AAGHBH THEYRE SOOOO the way u write them is sooooo........

let me add the little bits i did have from 12 thinkpiece i half started ummm.

first of all. yejiselle IM NODDINGGGGG THEYRE LITERALLY SO GREAT i love aetzy i love their friendship u literally give them such a fun dynamic even though theyre not the main focus. second of all. i really appreciate the way you explore that quieter, more contemplative side of yeji, like we all know she's a talker but this yeji(all of your yejis really) feels so steady, so calming, so safe. the kind of warmth that puts you to sleep because of how relaxed you feel etc etc. third of all... when ryujin gets a little bit mouthy and then they start a playful banter oh exactly and the ROUGHHOUSING YESSSSSS like u literally get it u literally understand everything

ok back to business. i really like your descriptions of like. scenery. like even just beyond actually describing it the way you do it makes it feel like actual characterization both in the way things in rooms are set up and the way whichever pov character notices and describes things its so great.

...the eager beaver shirt...ur sick....i also love when we get to see snippets uve posted show up in whichever fic theyre from

i think that's all for now i might come back again later if i think of anything else im dying to comment on, also i saw u got around to my other ask and i loved reading ur answer so much like we literally are seeing eachother abt everything. (and dont worry about taking a while to answer them, i totally get it). as always. thank you and take care!!!

-🖤

omg i will eagerly await a chapter 12 think piece no rush no rush 😁 (and never is good too lol i feel you very hard on the brain mush issue godspeed friend)

i love showing consent and trust and stuff and one of my goals with nmau ryeji is to show like just them having this comfort and compatibility and mutual respect from really early on. like it’s not too hard to get through the slightly messier and more uncertain parts of getting together when the foundation you have is so good and easy! like do they know how to ask each other out? no! is it still worth it to keep trying? i’d say so!

god yeah yeji is SO much more present for ryu than she used to be like early on if yeji wasn’t physically there ryu wasn’t thinking about her so constantly but now…. she’s down just as bad as yeji is lol i love it and that’s what it’s like when you’re into someone… like everything is about them and you don’t even realize it

part of what makes sexy top yeji so sexy is the fact that she’s also this cute and pouty softy like she’s just all around precious and then she says or does something more 🥵 and it’s like oh…

but yeah it’s also really important to me that they had this baseline of friendship first. like you don’t need that for a good relationship (i literally met my wife on tinder so we dated in a very straightforward way lol), but for these two i really like it’s necessary for them to both get to the places they need to be idk

playing with fingers is so important….. especially when it’s something that irl ryeji be doing like please ladies 😭 and they both have such nice hands too 😭 (something that may be coming up in the chapter i’m currently working on lol)

i love aetzy so much they’re so fun n cute! (i also love yeji and jimin’s friendship, but it didn’t work out narratively in nmau sorry girl. giselle specifically felt like a perfect non-athlete friend for yeji to have in this story specifically i’m glad she has a role.

i really see yeji as such a steady, grounded, emotionally intelligent person. it’s very strange to me when people boil her down to like yapping and being clumsy (which are both parts of her that i adore), but like i think the more and more we get to see of yeji when she’s not in pure like Idol Mode (like in her instalogs) it just proves more what was already clear. she’s like a calm, observant, contemplative person and idk i think that’s really neat. ryujin has literally said if she’s the sun yeji is the moon like… it’s fascinating how little we truly know her (and i will stop my essay on how incredible i think yeji is as a person and continue to keep addressing it in my writing lol i got carried away)

also YES roughhousing is so important like they’re just acting like two kids with crushes which is what they are!! any excuse to get a little physical with the girl you like lolol

and thank you! i really try to make scenes feel grounded. sometimes i’ll do a first pass where i just focus on dialogue and internal monologue and then i go back in and choose like the setting/activity and try to flesh everything out

lol i definitely got a bit carried away here, but thank you as always for such a thorough and lovely comment!! i love chatting about all this stuff so so much it’s one of the best parts of writing in this amazing little community! 🥰